#even though he still suffers from asshole syndrome sometimes

[azulas-defense-lawyer]

i think this has been said before, but zuko did not betray katara in "the crossroads of destiny". they were imprisoned together. they had a moment of understanding between them. but they were never on the same side. zuko never said he would fight against the fire nation in this exchange.

katara, in book 3, is mostly mad not about this "betrayal", but that the guy who chased her and her friends around for almost a year, tried to kill them, threatened her grandmother, who she admitted she saw as the face of the fire nation oppressing her, not only wasn't pure evil, but that he too lost his mother, had lost things to the fire nation’s never ending toxicity, and yet still decided to serve the nation and oppress her and the world's hope. this was not a betrayal of her, but merely a scene where she got more insight to his character. and the insight was that yes, zuko had a hard life, yet he still decided to be an asshole (understatement of the century btw) and support the fire nation’s imperialism. she is not mad about this "betrayal" so much as she is angry about all the shit he's done to her and his friends, hard life be damned.

of course, later zuko proves that he has changed to her.

#zuko #katara #atla #avatar #there is no betrayal in ba sing se... #but like actually fr #this is not z*ko h*te btw #just what i regard as the facts #and zuko did get better later #even though he still suffers from asshole syndrome sometimes

[norman-fucking-reedus]

GUYS Im sorry requests are taking so long I suffer from not being able to focus on one thing at a time syndrome and I’ve been going back and fourth between three fics trying to see which one is gonna be the lucky one and get finished first

In order to keep all you little babes in my phone happy and fed here’s my brainrot of virgin Daryl who just so eager to fuck you he can’t get out his clothes :3

ALSO 100 OF YOU HOTTIES FOLLOW ME SO CONSIDER THIS A THANK YOU GIFT UNTIL I CAN CRAWL DOWN YOUR CHIMNEY AND KISS YOU

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

The Dixon brothers were interesting to say the least.

Merle, the oldest of the two, was a certified asshole. He had easily made himself the most hated among everyone, making inappropriate and sometimes racist jokes at ever turn he got, getting defensive when someone actually got offended. He’d just yell in their face that they needed to toughen up before storming off.

Everyone did their best to steer clear of him, only ever talking to him whenever he was assigned to go on runs, even then he would still find a way to make someone uncomfortable.

Daryl, the younger brother, was beyond tolerable. Although Merle believed that both him and his brother were disliked, the group secretly favored Daryl, you especially.

While he did have his fair share of aggressive outbursts, unlike his brother, he’d hang his head in shame afterwards, mumbling out a short but genuine apology. On the one occasion he had snapped at Lori, bringing her to tears due to pregnancy hormones, you remember the horrified expression that washed over his face as she jogged away, tears rushing down her face. Merle only added fuel to the fire by laughing about how no woman wanted Daryl, the way he laughed about it made you sick.

You felt like you could see right through Daryl, underneath all the rough defense walls he had built, rested a soft and damaged heart. He had so much love to give but none to receive, which is why you were currently being groped and grinded against, Daryl breathing heavily as he sucked at your exposed skin.

He felt so dizzy against your warm and inviting body, curious hands grabbing and squeezing your flesh. Even though he tried to make it seem like he knew exactly what he was doing, he become a complete stuttering mess as soon as you took your shirt off, seductively grabbing your boobs before stuffing his face down inbetween them, a hard moan pulling itself from his throat as his entire body shook, cock throbbing as he blissfully came in his pants. “Fuck, m’sorry, m’real sorry-“ You brought a finger to his lips before placing a kiss to them, smirking slightly as he eagerly kissed back, mouth moving against yours sloppily.

There was so much happening at once as you moved to lay on the floor of the tent. Daryl’s whole body was stimulated, and he was craving more. “Wanna fuck ya- Please, let me fuck ya mommy, want ya ta be m’first time” His blue eyes were low and glassy, lips glossy with your spit as he stared at you, humping your leg. You wiggled your pants down, getting them down to your knees before Daryl ducked his head down between your legs, trapping himself as your pants rested at the base of his neck. His hand fumbled nervously with his belt and pants, whining as he shoved his underwear down, cock springing out.

You couldn’t help but stare at how fucked out he already looked, hovering above you on all four and begging to fuck you, begging for you to take his virginity. His cock was roughly 8 inches, thick pubes at the base and deliciously angry red tip. You pulled him closer to you by the front of his tattered shirt, whispering into his ear. “Gonna split me open on your cock? Come on, just push it in- fuck! Just like that. Good boy” His breathing had picked up, pupils so wide there wasn’t even any blue in them. The feeling of you wrapped around him was a sensation that was pulsating through his whole body, hips immediately thrusting in and out with no particular rhythm. His cock was still sensitive from his first orgasm, and each time that his engorged tip bumped your insides sent sparks to his gut. He tucked his red face in your throat, kissing, licking, and marking the skin.

Daryl thought his heart would pound out his chest as your fingers ran through his hair and pulled his face back, eyes locking onto yours. “You’re making me feel so incredible, handsome. Wanna cum inside me?” Daryl turned all the more red at the name and question, feverishly nodding his head as his hips increased their sloppy pace, only needing a few more thrusts before his face was back at your throat, tears welding up as he choked out his pleasured moans and whimpers, hips erraticly moving as he came, accidentally slipping out and cumming on your swollen cunt, more of him already starting to leak out.

He panted heavily against you as you stroked his hair, kissing his forehead as he slowly came down from his high.

Once he completely came down, panic had set in. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! M’sorry I-I’ll get somethin’ ta clean ya up with” He lifted your legs off his shoulders, looking around the tent for something. He snatched up the nearest shirt, makin sure it wasn’t yours before gingerly wiping his mess off you, helping you to put your pants back on and he looked around once again, handing you your shirt when he found it.

You shuffled close to his face, latching onto his neck as you stuffed him back inside his underwear, pulling away once his pants were redone. “I hope mommy made your first time memorable” You giggled and shuffled out the tent, leaving a flustered Daryl inside as the events continued to replay in his mind. Based on the hickies you had left on his neck, he was sure that he’d get to feel you again real soon.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

© norman-fucking-reedus 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, or adpated to any other platform. You may translate my works with my asked and given consent.

#daryl dixon #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead #daryl x female reader #daryl x reader #the walking dead daryl #twd #norman fucking reedus #daryl dixion smut #daryl dixion imagine #daryl dixion x reader #daryl x you #twd daryl #daryl x y/n

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

𝐂𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐲

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 On a cold evening in the cemetery, Sodo joins you and you tell him what's been on your mind for the past month.

𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 Cemetary.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐩(𝐬) Sodo x GN!Reader. I don't think I've used any pronouns or gendered terms for reader but please let me know if I've missed any!

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 Nothing spicy here tonight lads. Discussion of reader being a Christian in the past. Also discussions of questioning faith and not feeling worthy of who you believe in. A tiny bit fluffy.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 902 words.

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 Currently suffering with pain because when does my IBS not be an asshole to me? Irritable Bowel Syndrome more like Inconvenient Bitch Shit (pun not intended, or is it?). So this one is another short one because even though I'm unwell I wanted to write something for this Ghosttober prompt.

During the colder months at the ministry, everyone knew to wear layers under their habits and uniforms. While the heating worked just fine, the cold was unbearable in the early mornings and the dead of night, particularly outdoors where there was no heating or insulated walls to keep you warm. The rest of the siblings of sin tended to stick to the inside of the ministry during this time, but not you. To Sodo, you were the outlier and that was what made you so interesting to him.

Every evening for a month now, the fire ghoul had watched you from the ministry windows as you visited the cemetery not far from Primo’s gardens. You always wore a thick coat over your clothes, sometimes even a scarf and gloves, and never stayed any longer than twenty minutes each time he saw you. It intrigued him, unable to come up with a reason why you were there so often and for such a specific amount of time. You couldn’t have family buried there – you’d told him yourself that no family members had been laid to rest at the ministry. But if you weren’t there to pay your respects to your family, who were you there to see?

Sodo decided the next night that he would follow you down to the cemetery and find out for himself why visiting was such an integral part of your daily routine. Yes, he could ask you about it but he didn’t want you to think he was pressuring you to tell him if it was something you’d rather not talk about where others could listen in. The thought of someone spying on you brought on a sudden urge to protect you, anger bubbling in the pit of his stomach at the concept of your boundaries being crossed in such a way. And if it hurt or upset you?

The ghoul forced himself to calm down as he slowly approached the gates, spotting you at the far end in front of a monument that made him realise why you were there. It made him pause for a moment before he eventually forced himself to make his way over to you.

“I think I’ve told you before,” you told him once he reached you, not bothering to turn around as you continued to gaze up at the statue of Satan. Or at least a depiction of him. “I was a Christian before I joined the ministry. Born and raised, I guess you could say. I didn’t really know otherwise, and yet I still questioned it.”

Sodo kept his hands in the winter coat he’d wrapped himself up in, not daring to say a word.

“I wonder sometimes if I’m truly worthy of Satan. How could I, someone whose soul was made impure by a false god at birth, be worthy of His love? So, I come here every night to try and find the answer to that question. I thought that if I meditate upon this statue that maybe He would tell me or give me a sign.”

Furnace hot fingers intertwined with yours and gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “I think it’s normal to question these things. It’s healthy to have questions and doubts because that’s what makes you human. I’m not sure anyone truly has an unwavering faith in their god or deity or whatever they believe in. Part of human nature is to be curious and seek answers to the questions that others may not necessarily be able to answer.”

You glanced at him and found that he was staring down at your hands. “Do you have doubts sometimes, Sodo?”

“Sometimes.” He lifted his gaze, blazing red eyes meeting yours. “We ghouls are more like humans than some of you like to believe. We also question. We are curious. We crave answers and knowledge just as you do. Our Dark Lord undoubtedly understands this and is there to guide us, even when our faith begins to shake. It’s part of the lived experience of being on this plane of existence.”

The two of you returned to looking at the statue, a comfortably silent pause filling the air for a moment before you decided to speak up once more.

“Do you think Copia – sorry, Papa – has ever questioned his faith?”

Sodo’s laugh was abrupt but warm. “He’s human too, right? I’d be surprised if he’s never at least wondered about whether he’s worthy or if what he believes in is true.”

You chuckled along with him. “I suppose that’s true.”

“And for the record,” the ghoul said, his clawed thumb running over the back of your hand, “your soul isn’t impure or tainted just because of what you used to believe in. You get a fresh start when you join the Clergy. What is it that Papa says in that song? I know your soul is not tainted even though you’ve been told so.”

“That is indeed what the song says.”

“Well, there you go then. Even Papa says that you’re not tainted or impure. If you don’t trust what I say, trust him. Got it?”

You smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, Sodo. I’ll take what you’ve said tonight to heart.”

He hummed and pulled you against him, releasing your hand so that he could wrap his arm around your shoulders. “Good. Now let’s go inside. It’s fucking freezing out here.”

#ghosttober #ghosttober 2022 #sodo ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #sodo x gn!reader #sodo x reader #dewdrop x gn!reader #dewdrop x reader #the band ghost #fanfic #my fanfic #mine

[aureiki]

Bc of demand I'll be sharing my theories on (some of) the DRDT casts backstories! I'll be going in depth w more characters depending on what we know about them as of now, including the FTES, hidden quotes, episodes, etc!

The bgs for em are pretty vague, if not, unknown. Understandably so, we are only done w chapter 1 after all. Keep in mind, it's been a long time since I watched CH1! So my memory is not the best and I'll probably leave some things out by accident!

Starting with our lovely protagonist, Teruko Tawaki!

 "It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all."

From what I know, Teruko had a brother n the two grew up in an orphanage together. But then he got adopted into another family and she never saw him again, which is really sad in itself. Along w that, major trust issues. Refusing to trust people w the fear of being hurt/betrayed again.

Unfortunately I don't exactly know what could cause that w the orphanage part alone, and I might need to wait til future chapters (sadly) to know more. But let's talk a lil bit about her hidden quote! (Which I'll refer to as HQ from now on)

It says that you should really not trust *everybody*, but at the same time not trust anyone *at all*. It's true, being so selective does have its downsides. I do believe Teruko was a lot more trusting and kind compared to how she is now, may relate to the first quote. She trusted people too easily, she trusted everyone, but they betrayed her and let her down. Not too far off from most people's predictions right?

Arturo Giles

"You hated them, but even that doesn’t justify what you did."

Arturo's HQ is what really inspired me to write this.. He seems pretty straightforward, (literally, he really is) a plastic surgeon obsessed with beauty/beautiful people and shuns those who aren't. What else is there?

'Hated them' I can see that, I mean, Arturo hates a majority, if not, ALL of the cast. 'But even that doesn’t justify what you did.' Ok what. If the HQ rlly do tie into their backstories this is flat out concerning. Is it implying Arturo did something awful to a person he hated? How awful would it have to be for it to even be justified? If it has something to do with plastic surgery, did he harm someone? Cause someone to off themselves because of what he did?

Though if what I said is true, I'm wondering why he still acts like an asshole despite it so. Maybe he doesn't care, maybe he's hiding how he really feels. This quote does fit the (assumed) guilt and shame theme after all.

David Chiem

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wish you could just die."

Big thanks to Ingram (charwhit-syndrome) for this theory :) David having said those words to someone he was close to, and then something awful happened to that person in turn. Which lead to David being a motivational speaker! I can definitely see it.

Also would (probably) explain his behaviour change sometimes, he's not a motivational speaker because he *wants to*, but because he feels obligated and needs to pay for what hes done. If he genuinely wanted to uplift others, it's odd that he's actually really pessismistic/lazy/rude etc.

I'm sort of shocked that those words would come from David, he's not an angel, but wishing death upon someone? Yikes. Though if the person he said those things to really did... y'know. His other side could be explained for, as depression. Always being so down and pessimistic, locking himself away from others, being too lazy and unmotivated to do things. Motivational speaking is probably his way to ensure others don't suffer like he does/his friend did.

Getting quite long already, I'll end it here! Will definitely continue the rest when I can! ♡ ´･ᴗ･ `♡

#danganronpa despair time #drdt #david chiem #arturo giles #teruko tawaki #i am mentally ill and obsessed

[fzzr]

The Dreaming Boy is a Realist was the most intriguing anime of Summer 2023

Previously

Yumemiru Danshi wa Genjitsushugisha (The Dreaming Boy is a Realist, henceforth "Dreaming Boy") is not a very good anime on the surface. The animation is often awkward or simply missing, the voice cast is just OK, the music is nothing in particular. On top of that, the core conceit of "guy stops harassing girl, girl isn't sure how she feels about this" is a fundamentally bad premise. Despite all that, Dreaming Boy is the anime I thought about and looked forward to most each week.

Getting the main plot of Dreaming Boy out of the way first, it's pretty straightforward. Male protagonist Sajou Wataru has been asking out female protagonist Natsukawa Aika over and over for two years. In episode one he decides it's time to stop. He isn't over her as such, but he decides to spend his time on things other than badgering her. Though she is relieved at first, Aika finds that his sudden retreat leaves a hole in her life that genuinely bothers her. Her friend Kei can see right through them both, and acts as as an especially aggressive Interloper keeping them from drifting completely apart.

This is where the first hint of something unusual comes along. There's a certain type of romcom that suffers from what is sometimes called Shitty Protagonist Syndrome. This is where the lead character is such an asshole that it becomes unbelievable that anyone could ever fall for him. Dreaming Boy somehow has and avoids that problem at the same time. Since we don't see his years of harassment except in retrospect, we're not invested in seeing him be punished, but it's still a thing he did and the premise revolves around him essentially being rewarded for bad behavior. This could have had the effect of pulling me completely out of the show, but....

The thing is, that isn't actually most of the plot. It actually gets treated more like a background feature a lot of the time. Most of what goes on in Dreaming Boy is about broader social interactions and consequences. If you have a poor reputation at school, you will not be taken as seriously when you might be sick. Yeah, it sure is awkward to walk in on a sibling snogging. Getting your first job can be boring or terrifying depending on who you are. Sometimes your initial impression of someone can lead you into making potentially dangerous assumptions.

Most of Dreaming Boy is emotionally intelligent investigations of small alienations. Wataru is sometimes vaguely included in things but has no one in class to really go to bat for him in the moment, nor does he make an effort to join in. It's not just him, either. In each mini-arc, either he or someone he interacts with finds their social position has changed in some small way. What is it like when you move seats in class and your social circle changes? How does it feel to be the rebound? Is it more painful to turn people down or not to be invited at all? How do you respond when everyone asks you if they can hang out with your sibling? Is it worse to be ignored or have a kind of attention you don't appreciate?

We do see Wataru hit some of the usual romcom checkpoints, except instead of dramatic steps toward some fated ending, they're just things that happen. And... that's just how it really is? Not every time you see someone in the hallway will be a conversation that advances your feelings toward them. Getting sick mostly just sucks, even if your crush comes to check if you're OK. No matter how all-consuming your feelings for someone may have felt like in retrospect, chances are it wasn't the defining feature of your life 24 hours a day.

As one example, there's a beach episode that is much more like actually going to the beach than any I've ever seen. You plan it kinda vaguely, because how complicated can going to the beach be? Oops, you miss inviting someone because you waited too long. You see a beach attraction, let's go check it out... nope it's closed. The arts and crafts store is cute and all but making things like that by hand results in something that looks very handmade, or just doesn't come together at all. The whole episode builds up to Aika and Wataru possibly meeting coincidentally at the beach that day and then they just... don't. Was it a beach episode? Yeah, but also it was just... a day at the beach.

The relationships between the characters (other than the leads) are also way more real than you usually see in anime. The most notable one is between Wataru and his sister. They're close enough in age that they get in each other's way socially, but instead of being some dark resentment that someone will have a drama about, it's just yep, that's what having a sibling that close is like. There's no "I'll do anything for you" speech. It's just clear that they're both alert to what is going on in the others life just enough to be able to step in if their help is needed. If one of them asks the other for a favor, even as small as "make me coffee", they will almost always do it with some pro-forma grumbling. It's understated and very clearly based on a real sibling relationships rather than being there to check off a trope from the list.

So what is The Dreaming Boy is a Realist, actually? It's a slice of life show set in the second act of a shitty-protagonist tsundere romcom. Aika and Kei are living in that story, but when it fills Wataru's life with other ladies, it's not a light harem situation. Instead Wataru is navigating and learning from mundane social interactions. It's half of a good show, drowned in half of a bad show. Despite how bad the bad show was, I don't regret watching the good parts.

Conclusion

Score: I stand by the assertion that The Dreaming Boy is a Realist is not very good in absolute terms. I would give it a 6/10 at best from a purely technical standpoint. However, something that makes me think like this definitely earns some extra credit, so I'm putting it down as a 7/10.

Recommendation: No one needs to watch this. There are actually good shows that dig in to under-addressed corners of human social and emotional ambiguity. But... there aren't a ton of those, either, by definition. Just saying.

Comparisons

I looked at Dreaming Boy as a modified take on the shitty-protagonist romance, so I get to talk about Saekano again! In Saekano, the protagonist starts the series with a tendency to project onto others the traits he expects of them. He trespasses on the feelings and boundaries of others because he's interacting with them based on how he thinks they should respond, rather than who they are. His growth over the series is in very large part about learning to see people as who they actually are. Wataru's story is more about social and emotional transparency, making sure everyone is on the same page about their actions and feelings. Since Dreaming Boy isn't (and probably never will be) complete it's hard to compare them head to head, but conceptually Saekano has the advantage thanks to being more willing to call out the protagonist for his bullshit.

Oregairu involves a kinda glum guy who can fix everyone's problems other than his own. It tends to go much deeper into the problems, and the results vary quite a lot. The big improvement over Dreaming Boy is that it has much more respect for the female leads. When he hurts one of them in his greed, it's a catastrophic event and the show does not hold back in holding him to account. Unfortunately Dreaming Boy will probably not get far enough along for me to see how it would handle such an event, but I can't help but wonder what it would take to push Wataru toward making amends more affirmatively.

Onegai☆Teacher is another show with genuine heart under a trashy premise. In that one, a high school student marries his teacher, who is a hot alien babe, due to a whole situation. It presents itself as extremely horny (and it is) but just when you think it's about to start paying off on all the lewd setup... surprise! This is actually a show with a plot and themes and all those good things. It doesn't have to ignore its setup to do that, either. Sex is a part of life. Instead of holding it back, its willingness to engage with the physical on a deeper level elevates it. I'm not sure Dreaming Boy could have been redeemed in that way, but it's a fact that such a feat is possible.

Horimiya is the best example of a slice of life romance out there. It's arranged inversely from Dreaming Boy, in that it's a romance inside a slice of life rather than a slice of life inside a romance. The romance itself is too different to even contrast. The real point of interesting comparison is in how they handle their characters. Horimiya has an ensemble cast and we see most of them from multiple angles. Dreaming Boy doesn't let as many characters hold the point of view, but it still manages to have its supporting cast show different angles as Wataru learns about their situations and challenges. Obviously Horimiya is still way better, it was just surprising to see Dreaming Boy reaching for that same ring.

Final Thoughts

Oof, bad luck to Dreaming Boy for having to go up against four different 9/10 shows at the end there. That's also a part of the paradox, though. It deserves to be considered among the greats even as it lives with the dreck.

I wish I could say that Dreaming Boy deserved better implementation — better art, better acting, whatever — but it doesn't, really. The technical problems do not change that the gems of insight are trapped underneath a wrongheaded premise. "I wish it had a completely different main plot" is not something that can be fixed with polish. Still, I can't help but think if the author had found a different vehicle for the stories Dreaming Boy actually wants to tell, maybe it would have deserved it all.

#anime #summer 2023 anime #the dreaming boy is a realist #yumemiru danshi wa genjitsushugisha #original post

[stargaze-issei]

Ahh this might be specific--but could I get bakugou/aizawa/maybe shiggy? With a reader who has endometriosis? Like. Their periods are excruciating and when off they're period they still have very bad cramps and just in pain a lot. Get extremely nauseous and lightheaded (and do faint get sick if push themselves) pretty easily too. They try very hard to hide it even when getting nauseous/lightheaded and push themselves more then they should-GN reader but ofc afab. Ty in advance! 🥺

it's fine! the more information u give me the more i have to work with<3 hope u like this

— 𝐚 𝐬/𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬 + 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨𝐮, 𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐢

bakugou katsuki– would try to be nicer whenever he sees you in pain. he quickly realizes when you're feeling worse than usual, will make you go to bed and get some rest. he isn't quite familiar with this kind of stuff, and is ashamed to ask you because he thinks he should already know. at some point he will get over it and directly ask you what to do, probably called his mom for advice and she told him to do that. learns to warm up his hands, at the exact temperature you say you love. once, on a date a few days before your period, you felt really bad, but tried to hide it in honor of your quality time with him. at the end, the sun above, all the exercise, the people surrounding you, were enough to made you faint. katsuki got so scared, you woke up in a hospital bed in the emergency room, with him holding your hand tightly. since then, he keeps track of your cycle, pays attention to your actions a little bit more, and constantly ask your if you're alright. is still very harsh when you try to overwork yourself, he's more of a "take care of yourself, dumbass, or else–" type of guy, that's just his way to show affection.

aizawa shouta– keeps an eye on you all day, specially when those days arrive or are near. somehow, he actually knows a thing or two about endometriosis and how to take care of someone who has it. makes sure you take your medicines and vitamins and go to every doctor's appointment you may have, he tries to make time in his busy schedule to go with you. has a series of seed bags to heat up for you. if you ask him, he will take a day from his job to stay with you. doesn't say it, but seeing you go through that pain is really hard for him, he wishes he could do something more to help you, and even more secretly, hates himself for being so useless. does everything in his hands to keep you distracted from it. at nights (whenever you ask for cuddles actually), he sings your favorite songs in a really soft low voice. expect a lot of kisses from him. this one time, the bleeding was so strong that he had to take you to the hospital. after doing some tests, doctors said you were fine, but shouta cried for the first time in front of you. while he waited for you, he read articles of how bad it could've been if you didn't react quick enough. he promised you to always, always, be there to watch over you.

shigaraki tomura– is clueless when you tell him you suffer from endometriosis, he actually asks you if it's a type of wood. you have to explain him what is it and what causes on your body, while he carefully listens. at first, he's those kind of assholes who think it can't be that bad, until he sees you bent over in pain, crying, getting so nauseous that you have to run to the bathroom. since then, he's lowkey scared of what you have to bear every month. does a small, though really bad, attempt to hide his anxiety when you feel sick. he knows he has to be there for you, that you need him, but it's difficult to say the least. it takes him some time to control his anxiety towards your syndrome, but he manages to do it. after that, it's a trial-error process, ask you constantly if what he's doing is helping. "do you feel better if i do this? or maybe like this?", this subject is the only thing he's open to suggestions and constructive criticism. despite not being a fan of physical contact, he does it if asked. don't get me wrong, it's not like he's forced to, he's happy to do it. tries really hard to make things easier for you, even if it's a little hard sometimes.

#bnha x reader #bnha x y/n #mha x reader #mha x y/n #mha bakugou #bnha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou fluff #bakugou katsuki fluff #bnha aizawa #mha aizawa #aizawa shouta #aizawa fluff #aizawa imagine #bnha shigaraki #mha shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki fluff #shigaraki imagine #bakugou imagine #bnha fluff #mha fluff #bakugou x reader #aizawa x reader #shigaraki x reader #– star's; request!

[uppersidedreams]

[ deaken bluman, cis man, twenty ] Let’s give a warm welcome to one of Sparkwood’s finest, MIKE WHEELER !! Before coming here, he once lived on the pages of STRANGER THINGS. Though now they currently spend most of their time as a STUDENT. If you ask the townsfolk about what they are like, you will hear that they are STEADFAST but also SNARKY. If they had a theme song it would be SUGAR - BROCKHAMPTON. 

note: you can find my full muse page HERE !

bio triggers: n/a.

most people would have assumed that mike wheeler had the perfect life from an outsider’s perspective. he was born to a wealthy upper-class couple in the small town of hawkins, indiana. his father ted was an acquisitions expert and his mother karen was a trophy wife. he was one of three children, raised alongside his older sister nancy and his baby sister holly. sometimes it felt difficult being the only male in a house full of girls, especially since his father was rarely around. but, that’s why he had his closest friends: will, dustin, and lucas to keep him company. they were the perfect group of friends, they were all viewed as outsiders and yet always made one another feel like they belonged. it was a bonus that they all shared the same common interests.

although all of that almost fell apart when one november, mike’s best friend will disappeared. the group tried their hardest to search for him but felt helpless. it didn’t help that the police were starting to lose hope and their efforts slowed. but in the end with the help of will’s mother, they were able to recover the boy. yet having will back felt strange, he felt like a shell of the boy who was once around before he went missing. unfortunately, the group began to slowly fall apart as they entered high school. they were still friends, of course, but they all had new interests that distracted them and occupied their time.

during high school, mike began to go through a bit of a rebellious stage. it might have had something to do with the fact that his life felt out of control. he could tell his parents were beginning to fall out of love with one another and he shut out his best friends. he distracted himself by getting high and listening to music while moping around his room. although when he graduated, he learned that he got accepted into his dream school: MIT. he left hawkins behind and felt as if he was finally free from the small town that was beginning to feel more like a prison than a home. although, mike found himself falling into partying a bit too hard and felt detached from himself while away at college.

he ended up reconnecting with dustin and deciding to transfer schools, moving to sparkwood, virginia to finish up his college experience.

HEADCANONS.

mike currently double majors in computer science and video game design.

before leaving home, he wasn’t necessarily as close to his mother but now that he can talk to her as a ‘friend’ rather than just as a parent… he has a lot of respect for his mother and they have become really close. ultimately, he is definitely a momma’s boy.

a closet nerd still. he loves playing dungeons and dragons and collecting pop culture stuff like comics and figurines.

speaking of dungeons and dragons, he is an epic dungeon master.

a bit on the spoiled side, his mom always sends him money and gifts whenever he needs it.

definitely suffers from middle child syndrome and can be a little bit of a moody asshole because of it.

he is jewish.

he identifies as bisexual but also suffers from some internalized homophobia. he used to have a crush on his childhood best friend, will, but pushed those feelings and the other away.

misses his childhood and suffers from intense bouts of depression due to his fear surrounding the future. 

he will kick the shit out of anyone who messes with his best friends, even if he knows that he is going to lose.

extremely stubborn brat. >:(

#spark. intro

[sachigram]

Truss chapter 2

((click here to read on ao3!))

Izaya never paid much attention to the whole “soulmate” thing. Throughout his life, he never cared about romance or relationships of any kind. His only friendship was against his will, and really, he just got bored of telling Shinra to fuck off after a while.

“I think you have selective hearing, Shinra,” Izaya said. The two of them were in the biology room, and Shinra had once again dismissed Izaya's tone of indifference. Shinra merely smiled widely at Izaya, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

“Maybe! Why would I want to hear all the mean stuff you say, anyway?” Shinra asked, and Izaya huffed.

“If you can hear that I'm being mean to you, you should pay attention.”

“Nah. It's not like you mean most of it.”

Izaya glared at the other boy for a moment. He never liked when Shinra pretended to know Izaya better than Izaya knew himself.

“How's your zombie girlfriend?” Izaya asked. He knew that would knock Shinra off his smug little pedestal. Celty kept rejecting all of Shinra's advances, which wasn't surprising, seeing as how Shinra was only in middle school.

“She keeps saying my soulmate is out there somewhere,” Shinra said woefully. He told Izaya a while ago that his mark was on his back, and Celty didn't have one. “She refuses to see me as anything other than a friend.”

“Mm. Sucks to be you,” Izaya said, pleased when Shinra wailed woefully.

“You're lucky, Izaya-kun! No mark! You can make your own decision. I wish I didn't have one.” Shinra wilted, a common occurrence when Celty was mentioned.

“Id make my own decision anyway,” Izaya said. “Being mated to someone sounds so boring. People put way too much stock into it. Some girl was crying earlier in class, did you see her? Apparently some guy she's in love with doesn't match her. Why care about it at all?”

“There's not an ounce of humility in you, is there?” Shinra asked, but he was smiling. He liked that about Izaya, and Izaya knew it. “Have some compassion! Just because you don't have a mark doesn't mean you don't have a mate, anyway. They'll just be harder to find.”

“I can't see myself ever looking for them, anyway.”

“Yeah, you don't really have any desire to meet new people. Oh, hey! I really wanna introduce you to my other friend! He's been really reluctant about it, too, but I think you two would get along really well!”

“I told you no already,” Izaya muttered. “You should respect your other friend's wishes.”

“Well,” Shinra said, unbothered. “You'll meet him eventually anyway. I'll make sure of it.”

***

Izaya wakes to the soft light of morning, and he hums in acknowledgment when he feels Shizuo's tongue on his neck. Shizuo is spooning him, his entire body almost rolled over Izaya's. Their need to touch hasn't waned in the least, and Izaya doesn't think it ever will.

“You're up early,” Izaya murmurs, enjoying the way Shizuo feels against him.

“You were dreaming,” Shizuo says. His hand lifts to move under Izaya's shirt, which is actually Shizuo's shirt. Izaya has taken to wearing them to bed. “Something about Shinra.”

“A bad dream, then,” Izaya says, gasping when Shizuo pinches his nipple. Sometimes they share dreams, other times they can see what the other is dreaming. Their bond keeps getting stronger no matter what Izaya does. It feels less and less like a choice every day.

“Was Shinra really your first kiss?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya grins, feeling the jealousy radiating off Shizuo.

That day in the biology room, after they argued a while about soulmates, Shinra begged Izaya to kiss him. Something about proving Shinra didn't have to abide by his mark; Izaya stopped listening to the reasons after Shinra wouldn't shut up. They shared a few chaste kisses, and after that day, it never happened again.

“Yes. He was persistent about it,” Izaya says, and Shizuo growls behind him.

“That little weasel. He never told me.”

“Why would he? We were just kids, Shizu-chan. We didn't even use tongue.”

“You liked each other, though,” Shizuo mutters, and he hugs Izaya to himself. “I could tell.”

“Don't spy on my dreams,” Izaya says, and he laughs when Shizuo forces him to roll over so they're facing each other.

“Like I'm trying to!” Shizuo snaps, glowering at Izaya. “Don't say 'spy', it makes me sound creepy.”

“It's pretty cute you're getting jealous about Shinra of all people,” Izaya says. “I already told you that you were my first. I didn't think earlier kisses mattered.”

“It's just that it was Shinra. We see him all the time!” Shizuo argues.

“And he's head over heels for Celty. Besides, I'm bound to you, anyway. We're incapable of being away from each other, Shizu-chan.”

It's true, and they both know it. Even when they're angry at each other, which happens a lot, they can't be apart for more than a day. When Shizuo is gone, Izaya can't eat, can't sleep, can barely function at all even before the sickness sets in. And then, when the headache comes, they have to find each other. Sometimes they'll curl up together and keep arguing, though it loses meaning when they're tangled from head to toe.

“I've been thinking we should try to train our bond,” Shizuo says. It's not the first time he's said it, but Izaya still doesn't like hearing it.

“Why?”

“Because we're bound together? Because...ugh! Because, Izaya! Wouldn't it be better to know how to work it rather than just seeing bits of each other at random?” Shizuo is frustrated, and even if Izaya wasn't looking at him, wasn't anywhere near him, Izaya would still know. It's radiating from Shizuo in waves. “Why are you still being stubborn about it?”

Jaw set, Izaya rolls away from Shizuo, and then out of bed. He can feel Shizuo wants him back, but that's nothing new. If up to their bond, they'd always be touching, always together. Izaya isn't ready for that, and he can't accept that Shizuo is. They're both separate people, independent people—

“Izaya,” Shizuo says. His voice doesn't sound angry anymore, which is actually worse somehow. “We aren't separate people. I know it's hard, but...”

“You don't know anything!” Izaya hisses, tearing Shizuo's shirt off himself like it's burning him. “You're just so ready to succumb to this stupid thing, but I'm not, okay?”

“Why are you so mad?” Shizuo asks, which is hilarious, coming from him. “I thought we were past this.”

“Past what?”

“You being an asshole about this!” Shizuo says, throwing his hands up. “For fuck's sake, Izaya, we sleep together almost every night, we argue a lot less, I told you I'm in love with you— What else do you want from me?!”

Izaya dresses hurriedly, refusing to look at Shizuo. He ignores the parts of himself that are screaming for him to return to the bed and seek refuge in Shizuo's arms. He can't, he won't, he doesn't want this!

“I want you to mean it,” Izaya mutters, and he leaves the apartment before Shizuo can follow him, though he knows Shizuo will follow him through their bond whether they're together physically or not.

***

The first time Izaya heard of a soul bond, he was intrigued.

He was in elementary school, listening to the teacher with rapt attention. He knew of soulmates already, and he wasn't really interested in them, but this was something else. The teacher was describing two people who literally couldn't be apart without suffering because of it. Some of the girls in class looked starry eyed, and Izaya heard one of them whisper to her friend that she hoped she was lucky enough to be bound to someone. Some of the boys looked just as awestruck, but Izaya was interested for a different reason.

He raised his hand.

“Yes, Orihara-kun?” The teacher asked. Many heads turned towards Izaya. “You have a question about soul bonds?”

“It seems cruel to me,” Izaya said. Silence greeted his statement, but he was used to that.

“It does? How so?” The teacher asked. She always tried to be patient with him, but he could tell he scared her. He often scared a lot of people without meaning to.

“Because they can never be away from each other. What if they weren't really in love? What if there was no desire to be together, but their bodies forced them? It's like a drug addiction, isn't it?”

There was a rustling around him, the fidgeting bodies of his classmates. Another familiar sound.

“A... A drug addiction?”

“Yes. A heroin addict doesn't want to be an addict, do they? Their body makes them dependent on it, and they're incapable of fighting after a while. How long can soul-bonded pairs be apart? Can the withdrawal kill them? Is—“

“Enough,” the teacher said, and Izaya fell silent. “This isn't like heroin, Orihara-kun, and you're too young to know about such a thing! This is another form of mating, of loving someone. It's not nearly as sinister as you're making it out to be.”

Izaya bit his tongue, tasted blood, and glared openly at the teacher. He wasn't making anything sinister, he was repeating exactly what she told him. If a hostage felt appreciation and love for their kidnapper, was that not Stockholm Syndrome? If there was no freedom, was that not complacency more than acceptance and desire?

“Yes, sensei,” he muttered, and she only looked at him a moment longer before continuing the lesson.

He didn't raise his hand again.

***

“Honestly, it seems cool to me. I dunno why you're fighting it so much,” Kadota says. He sips at the sake Shinra gave him and grins when Izaya glares over at him.

“Why do you know about it, Dota-chin?” Izaya asks, though he knows already. Shinra has the decency to look sheepish.

“Kadota-kun won't tell anyone! It slipped out!” Shinra says, and Izaya rolls his eyes.

“For your sake, I hope he doesn't tell anyone. If Kawisawa-chan finds out, I'm going to slit your throat. Your fate is in Dota-chin's manly hands.” Izaya sips his sake as well, though he's not in the mood to drink. He can feel Shizuo checking in on him tentatively, and it's annoying, but also charming in a way. Shizuo could take on an entire army of people, but he's wary of Izaya being mad at him.

“Trust me, if she finds out, I won't know peace anymore. I don't want to tell her,” Kadota says. “And stop calling me 'Dota-chin',” he adds in afterthought.

“Sorry, no can do. It suits you,” Izaya says, and he winks when Kadota glowers at him.

“You know it's pointless to fight it anyway,” Shinra says. “You keep fighting with Shizuo-kun and coming over, but there's nothing I can do to help.”

“I still blame you. We were doing fine before you had to tell us about the soul bond.” Izaya knows deep down that Shinra had nothing to do with it, but bothering Shinra about it is too much fun.

“I thought it was a good thing!” Shinra wails. “Or...the start of a good thing! I should've known you'd be as stubborn about it as ever.”

“I'm not being stubborn!” Izaya huffs, though he supposes he is. “I still have my own free will, you know. I'm not some mindless drone like one of those Saika zombies. I don't have to fawn over Shizu-chan and spam his name everywhere like some hapless lovesick high school student.”

“Isn't that what you've always done, though?” Shinra asks, and he yelps when Izaya throws a knife that pins Shinra's sleeve to the wall. “It was a joke! A joke!”

“You're an even worse comedian than you are a doctor, and that's saying something,” Izaya says, and then he holds his hand out. “Give me my knife back.”

“I don't think you're supposed to look at it as not having free will,” Kadota says, watching as Shinra tries to pry the knife loose from the wall. “It's more like...having someone who fits you. Even if you were dating someone and madly in love with them, you'd still be bound to Shizuo, so it would be sad for you and whoever you were with. You aren't really ever dating anyone though, so didn't it work out?”

“Izaya-kun knows all this already. You're talking to a brick wall,” Shinra grunts, toppling backwards when he finally wrenches the knife free. He stands, brushes himself off, and hands the knife back to Izaya, who immediately throws it back at Shinra, pinning his other sleeve. “Hey!”

“Shut up and I'll stop,” Izaya says. He sips at his sake, wincing as a sharp pain shoots through his skull. “Fuck.”

“Withdrawal headache?” Shinra asks.

“I've only been gone since this morning...” Izaya murmurs, rubbing his temples. “Maybe it's just a normal headache.”

“Mm, twelve hours is a long time for you two now that you're always together. The fact that you're fighting could've exacerbated the effects.”

“Should I call Shizuo?” Kadota asks, and Izaya groans.

“No. This just happens sometimes. It's nothing new.”

“But you look really rough,” Shinra says, and he finally frees himself from the wall. This time, he holds on to the knife.

“I said it's fine,” Izaya says, and he knows that miles away, Shizuo's head is pounding as well. Izaya can feel Shizuo's presence, a steady vibration in himself that seems to say, “What's wrong? Do you need me?” Izaya tries to send something negative in reply, but it hurts so badly, and he doesn't notice the concerned voices of Kadota and Shinra shouting his name before everything goes black.

***

After meeting Heiwajima Shizuo and getting him hit by a car, Izaya sat proudly at Shinra's table, legs crossed as Shinra cleaned and dressed his scratches. They were shallow, barely considered injuries at all, and Izaya found it funny that out of the two of them, Shizuo was the one who ended up worse off.

“I'm really sorry,” Shinra said, though he didn't seem sorry in the least. “I really thought you two would get along.”

“You should be sorry, introducing me to a bullying monster like that,” Izaya said. “He was really going to punch me for no reason. Did you see the look on his face when he saw I wasn't going to sit there and take it? It was hilarious!”

“He's usually not like that. I mean, he's always short-tempered, but he normally waits for a reason to attack someone. I guess he was having a bad day,” Shinra said.

“Yes, let's excuse his needless violence because he was sad. Boohoo, Shizu-chan, punch everyone in the vicinity with your monstrous strength and we'll look the other way,” Izaya said. Shinra frowned at him.

“Well, I guess I was wrong.” Shinra sighed. “I really wanted you to like him so I could have both my friends together! But I guess you'll be avoiding him from now on.”

“Why would I avoid him?” Izaya asked, and he smiled widely when Shinra gaped at him. “I think Shizu-chan and I will be seeing much more of each other. We're still having fun!”

“That's a scary face, Izaya-kun,” Shinra replied, but he was also smiling. He was never scared of Izaya, and that's one reason the two of them were able to mesh together so well. For every odd thing Izaya would say, Shinra would say something odd himself, and they were rarely surprised by each other anymore.

“That's assuming he survives, anyway,” Izaya continued. “I waited until he stood up to leave, but he still got hit by a truck. Your friend quantity might already be reduced by one.”

“Guess I'm stuck with you, then,” Shinra said, and then the door slammed open, revealing an extremely pissed off Shizuo, who was clearly alive and well.

“You're dead, you're dead, you motherfucker—!” Shizuo's voice was gaining volume, and Izaya merely grinned up at him, captivated. Celty ran in the room, stopping Shizuo's rampage, though Shizuo continued to shout obscenities.

“See?” Izaya asked Shinra, glancing over at him. “He's crazy about me.”

***

Izaya wakes with a weak moan. His headache is gone, but he feels weak, clammy. He looks down and sees a hand in his, and he doesn't have to think about who it is.

“Shizu-chan...” he mutters, and there's the sound of a chair scooting closer across the floor.

“Do you need some water?” Shizuo asks, squeezing Izaya's fingers.

“No. Ugh, what time is it? What happened?”

“It's around ten, I think. Shinra said you passed out from withdrawal.”

“You didn't?” Izaya asks.

“No. My head hurt like hell, though. It's never been that sudden before. I ran all the way here.”

Izaya opens his eyes again and looks up at Shizuo, who is leaning on the bed, but keeping a respectable distance between them. Izaya remembers they fought earlier, but he gives Shizuo a pleading look and opens his arms all the same. Shizuo stands and climbs in bed beside Izaya, wrapping around him.

“You still mad?” Shizuo asks. He watches as Izaya undoes the buttons of his vest and then his white button-down.

“I wasn't mad to begin with,” Izaya mutters, burying his face into Shizuo's bare chest. Shizuo's scent is so strong there, and Izaya likes feeling wrapped up in the same shirt with Shizuo.

“I wish you'd at least think about practicing how to use our link more. If we could know when we're doing it, it'd come in handy. Right now we're just projecting random shit at each other. I think if we could talk through it more often, we'd be able to last longer before we need to see each other again,” Shizuo says.

“Mm, who knew you were so eager to have more time away from me,” Izaya says, and he means it as a joke, but Shizuo growls and hugs him tighter, tight enough to hurt.

“Izaya, just fucking stop it, okay? You get mad when I say I want you around more, and you get upset when I try to give you space. You're attached to me, so I know you can feel I mean it when I say I love you. I don't know why you're so dead set on not believing me, but it's a real pain in the ass.”

Izaya could say a lot of things to that, could point out that Shizuo is still using the term “need” more than “want”, could mention, once again, that they're both stuck together whether they love each other or not, or he could refuse to work on mastering their link for no reason other than pure stubbornness. Instead, he noses against Shizuo's skin and slides his hands under the back of Shizuo's shirt, hiding against him as if Shizuo can protect him from the futility of fighting the laws of the universe.

“Sorry,” Izaya murmurs, and Shizuo sighs softly before tugging him back and kissing him on the forehead.

“Don't be sorry. Just listen to me every once in a while, okay? I know I don't know a lot, but I know I want to be with you, and it sucks that you'd rather torture yourself and pass out from pain than be with me, too.”

“I do want to be with you,” Izaya says, because he knows Shizuo will feel it anyway. Izaya can feel himself projecting it, can feel it's in every breath he takes. “Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.”

Shizuo hums. “Then that's really all that matters, right?”

***

It's a slow process.

Soul bonds are incredibly rare, and there isn't much of a guide for them to follow as far as speaking to each other purposely sharing things through their link. Sometimes it's easy, and it happens without them even really trying, but then other times it feels like Shizuo is far away from Izaya even when they're sitting right next to each other.

“Don't look so forlorn!” Shinra says, patting Izaya on the bare shoulder. Izaya finds it's easier to project onto Shizuo when more of their skin is touching, so neither of them are wearing a shirt, but Shinra made them separate before trying again this time. “You're both really getting a lot better!”

“Don't touch him!” Shizuo snaps, and Shinra immediately puts his hands up in surrender.

“Shizu-chan, you're being ridiculous,” Izaya says, glaring at Shizuo from across the room. “You're jealous of a middle school kiss.”

“You told him about that?!” Shinra yelps, and he hides behind Izaya.

“No, he saw it in a memory of mine. He snoops, you know? Especially when I'm sleeping.”

“I don't snoop! You project them! You shove your dreams at me 'cause you won't fucking stop squeezing me to death while you sleep!” Shizuo argues, and Izaya raises his hand as if to wave Shizuo's words away.

“I see your dreams too, you know. I just don't comment on them because they're idiotic, usually involving you punching things. I can see that in reality just as easily,” Izaya says, and Shizuo stands, stomping over to Izaya. Shinra wisely shuffles away from them.

“Guys, fighting really isn't what we're working on! Why don't we calm down and you two can touch for this one, okay? You seem to like that much more.”

“I don't wanna touch his flea body,” Shizuo huffs, but he lifts Izaya from his chair and twirls them around so Izaya is sitting in Shizuo's lap. Once their skin touches, Izaya feels all the desire to annoy Shizuo evaporate, and Shizuo's tense shoulders go slack with ease.

“Okay, good,” Shinra says. “Now then, try again, Shizuo-kun. Think of a number between one and fifty and see if Izaya-kun can read what it is through your link.”

Grumbling, Shizuo presses his face into Izaya's neck, and Izaya can feel Shizuo's hot breath on his skin, can feel the warmth of Shizuo's arms around him, and can feel the comfort between them from being close, but he doesn't sense any number.

“Anything?” Shinra asks.

“No,” Izaya says, and Shizuo growls.

“It's because there's so much stuff in your head already!” Shizuo says, glowering up at Izaya. “I can tell you're just thinking all the time, about everything!”

Izaya blinks at him. “Are you saying I think too much for you?”

“Yes! It's not normal to constantly have racing thoughts like that! I can barely filter them out, and when I do, I just think of some random word in Russian that I've never heard, or I think of some recipe— It's all the time with you.”

“Well, let me think about things you can understand, like violence and grunting and junk food and trash TV—“

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you!”

“Okay!” Shinra says, waving his arms. “Let's focus! Shizuo-kun said something interesting, actually!”

“What?” Shizuo asks, still glaring at Izaya. Izaya wants to hit Shizuo and also to kiss him, and he doesn't know if those are his own desires, or the ones Shizuo is projecting.

“You said you thought in Russian, sometimes?”

“Oh, yeah, just, you know...random words. Never anything important. I'll be working and a word will pop in my head, and Vorona will translate it.”

“That's so cool!” Shinra says, then he gets misty eyed. “Oh, I wish I could share things like that with Celty. You two are really taking this for granted!”

“I need a smoke break,” Shizuo mutters. He stands up and sets Izaya back in the chair before stomping out to the little balcony of Shinra's apartment and closing the door behind him.

“You shouldn't antagonize him. He's trying,” Shinra says, and Izaya crosses his arms across his chest and sinks lower into the chair.

“I'm trying, too!”

“You know, I think it's just that you both had such a...tempestuous relationship before. Both of you have walls up, and it's going to take a long time to work through that. I think it's good you're trying, though.”

Izaya glances up at Shizuo's back through the window, and he reaches out through their link in an equivalent of a tug. He exhales shakily when he feels Shizuo clinging tightly to him in return.

***

At least with sex, they can be on the same page.

Their bond doesn't require sex, doesn't even ask of it them, though it does thrive between them when they're intimate. As long as they're close, they can fight withdrawal, but when their skin is pressed together, and Shizuo slides inside Izaya's body, Izaya really can understand why everyone says soul-bonded pairs are two halves of one soul.

Everything Shizuo feels, thinks, loves, Izaya can feel it, and Shizuo's pleasure is as pressing as his own. Like this, it's hard for Izaya to tell which of them he even is anymore. It seems ridiculous to fight at all when they can be one like-minded soul.

“Izaya— Fuck, Izaya, I love you, I fucking—“ Shizuo pants, and Izaya writhes underneath him before coming, his body trembling as Shizuo keeps moving, chasing his own orgasm.

“Shizu-chan...” Izaya murmurs. His nails press into Shizuo's back, and he can feel it in his skin as if the crescent indentations have appeared on his back, as well. “I'm yours, I'm yours...!” The words feel pried from Izaya's lips, but they're true all the same, and Shizuo comes inside Izaya with a startled gasp that resembles a sob.

Izaya wonders if sex will always be this intense between them. The first time they had each other, it was over quickly, even by virginal standards. It had less to do with their stamina and more to do with the intensity of it, the feeling of their souls becoming one. Both of them love being together like this, and Izaya takes solace in the fact that they want to have sex and feel this level of intimacy, not that their bond requires it from them.

“God...” Shizuo's voice is muffled in Izaya's shoulder. “Don't think I'll ever get used to this...”

“Mm...” Izaya agrees. He traces patterns in Shizuo's back and soothes over the scratches he left. “Hey, Shizu-chan. What number am I thinking of?”

Shizuo nuzzles at him. “Sixty-nine?” he asks, and Izaya giggles.

“Yes. Good guess.”

“Wasn't guessing,” Shizuo says, and then he lifts his head and licks into Izaya's mouth.

***

Izaya thought it was a familiar scene, but he knew he'd never been there himself.

The store was a wreck, glass and debris from the wall thrown around, and there were men buried, as well as a pretty woman. All of them were unconscious. Above them, panting and crying, stood a small boy with mousy brown hair. He turned when Izaya took a step forward.

“Who are you?” Shizuo asked, and Izaya took a good look at him. He never knew Shizuo as a kid, but he'd know Shizuo anywhere, even with different hair and snot running down his face. Izaya has had this dream before, but he was seeing it through Shizuo's eyes. He was never able to interact with Shizuo before now.

“Orihara Izaya,” Izaya said, and he could tell from his voice that he was a kid, too. He looked down at himself, saw some neon bandages on his bare knee.

“You should go,” Shizuo said. He looked back at the scene. “I think I'm about to get in bad trouble.”

“Oh, that's okay,” Izaya said with a shrug. “I like trouble.”

Shizuo frowned at him and sniffled a bit, rubbing at his wet face. He only succeeded in smearing dirt everywhere.

“Do I know you?” he asked.

“No. Not yet, anyway. We don't meet until later.”

“Later?” Shizuo asked, and he looked so confused and so sad. Izaya took a few steps towards him, crunching glass as he walked.

“Yes, later. I guess this is your memory I'm in. I've been here before, but not as myself.” He looked at the woman.

“I was trying to help her,” Shizuo said, and his voice was pleading. “No one ever believes me, but I really didn't mean to do this.”

“I believe you,” Izaya said. “It's okay.”

Shizuo sobbed, dropping the pole he was holding. He covered his face with his hands and cried into them.

“It's not okay! Everything always turns out like this! I can't control myself! I wanted to help her because she was nice to me and I liked her, and I hurt her just as badly as those guys might have!”

“You're just a kid, Shizu-chan,” Izaya said with a shrug. “Believe me when I say she'll be fine.” Izaya stepped closer until he was beside Shizuo, and he blinked when he felt Shizuo grab at his sleeve and tug.

“Will you stay with me until my parents get here? I think my little brother went to call them and the police...” Shizuo said. Izaya wondered to himself what this would have been like in reality, if they really met back then, like this, long before high school.

“No one will come. This already happened, remember? But yes, I'll stay with you.”

“I know you, don't I?” Shizuo asked, squinting at him. “You're...”

“Your soulmate,” Izaya said, and he grinned when Shizuo gaped at him. “We don't meet for a long time. We don't find out we're bonded for even longer than that.”

“Bonded,” Shizuo murmured, his eyes full of wonder. He reached down and found Izaya's hand with his own. “And you...like being with me?”

“It's hard for me,” Izaya said honestly, and he tapped Shizuo on the nose when Shizuo looked hurt. “I loved you before we knew about our bond. It's hard for me to accept you can love me so suddenly.”

“Why?” Shizuo asked, and Izaya clicked his tongue. This was pointless, wasn't it? In this memory, Shizuo was just a kid with no idea about anything yet to pass.

“Because, it's... When you're bound, you have to be together. It hurts you when you aren't. I guess I just... Even later on, when you tell me you want me around, I still think you're lying.”

“I don't think it's a lie,” Shizuo said, and he scrunched up his face in thought. “I'd be real happy if I had a soulmate like you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Izaya asked, raising a brow.

“You aren't scared of me, I can tell. And I like how you talk.” Shizuo stopped talking suddenly, and then he looked down at his hand in Izaya's. “I never thought anyone would want to be around me. And you love me, you said? You mean it?”

“Yes,” Izaya said, and he gasped when Shizuo plowed into him, still ridiculously strong even as a child. Shizuo hugged him tightly, and Izaya struggled to breathe, but he didn't try to get free.

“You have to keep loving me, okay? I'm not really smart, and I say a lot of stupid things, and I... I get real mad a lot. I don't mean to. If I'm mean to you in the future, it's just 'cause I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say.” Shizuo clung to him. “But you have to keep loving me, 'cause no one else ever will.”

“Don't be stupid,” Izaya said. “A lot of people love you. It's almost sickening, how many of them there are.”

“But they aren't like you. I can tell.” Shizuo pulled back to look at him, and suddenly they were both older, Raijin uniforms on their bodies, Russia Sushi in the background. The sun made Shizuo's blond hair even brighter. “No one else has ever been like you, so believe me when I say I love you, okay?”

“Shizu-chan...”

“And you have to keep loving me, too. You have to promise.”

“I do. I do, and I always have, and I'm just... I'm fucking scared, okay? I'm scared of this,” Izaya said, and he felt his lips were trembling. “I never wanted anyone to have this power over me. I don't know how to control it.”

“I'm scared, too,” Shizuo said. “But I'm not scared of you.”

“I'm not scared of you, either.”

Shizuo shrugged, and then he grinned. “So then stop thinking so much about it, you shitty flea.”

***

Izaya wakes with a soft gasp. He looks over at Shizuo, who is blinking awake and giving him a sleepy smile.

“Same dream,” Shizuo murmurs, and he kisses Izaya gently.

“You were a cute kid, Shizu-chan,” Izaya says, and Shizuo snorts.

“Yeah? So were you. You were so fucking little.” Shizuo pulls him closer. “You're still little. Flea-like.”

“Ha ha.”

“I wish I knew you back then. Maybe if we met on our own, just out in the world, we could've been friends a lot sooner.”

“Is that what we are now? Friends?” Izaya asks, and he's grinning playfully.

“Yep. Since we started fucking, though, I think maybe we messed it up,” Shizuo replies.

“Mm...” Izaya lifts his hand and traces little lines in Shizuo's cheek, and Shizuo catches Izaya's hand and kisses the pads of his fingers.

“I love you.”

Izaya blinks in surprise. He heard that as easily as if Shizuo said it out loud, and he can feel in their bond that Shizuo means it, and has meant it every time.

“I love you, too,” Izaya says quietly, and Shizuo beams at him.

“Fuckin' better. You promised me.”

“I did,” Izaya agrees, and he curls closer to Shizuo. They drift off again, sharing another dream, and in the dream itself, and in reality, they can reach out, knowing the other is right there.

#truss fic #shizaya #soulmate #soul bonds #separation anxiety #touch withdrawal #i will always headcanon that shinra was izaya's first kiss lmao

[storm-in-a-glass]

My favorite ships from kdramas - appreciation post (part 2)

I have no idea if you've been waiting for that but I described the last list as part one, so I guess I should make another one. So today is The day. BTS plays in the background, list is ready, I have exam in two days but who cares, let's go!

1. What’s wrong with secretary Kim? - Kim Mi So & Lee Young-Joon

Let’s be honest. We have Park Min-Young and Park Seo-Joon. It had to work. They had to had crazy-like chemistry, it was meant to be. Whenever there was a kiss I’ve been worried my computer will set himself on fire bc all this hotness. Iconic comedy, iconic character of Park Seo-Joon, iconic romance. Also can we all agree that Park Min-Young have like the best luck when it comes to screen partners? Shit, girl. You must have saved thousands of people’s lives in your past life.

2. While you were sleeping - Nam Hoong-Joo & Jung Jae-Chan

Second Male Lead Syndrome hit hard with this one. But still not hard enough to stop me from gushing over the Nam Hoong-Joo and Jung Jae-Chan cuteness. I mean, c’mon. Suzy is motherfucker queen and Lee Jong-Suk is so pretty it makes my eyes hurt. Plus I adore that they were just so idk normal? Not perfect like most of the kdrama’s couples. She has growing hair leg, and he can be gross sometimes. SO WHAT?! Welcome to the real world. They loved each other anyway.  

3. Innocent man/Nice Guy - Seo Eun-Gi & Kang Ma-Roo

Man, between all this fluffy couples this one is kinda dark. But that's exactly what I loved about them. She was a bitch, especially at the beginning. He was a the dickest dick in the whole Dickland, Mayor of Dickville. Two sinners, bad, broken and selfish. Raw. Different. Flawed. They were hurting, they've been hurt. The ending of the drama was meh for me but this couple stands strong. And you know that Song Joong-Ki is the only one for me. He just makes me so happy whenever he's on the screen.

4. Touch your heart - Oh Jin-Shim & Kwon Jung-Rok

They proved love exists in Goblin and now they did it again. Firstly: Oh Jin-Shim is one of my favorite female characters ever. She's just so cheerful and inspirational. I watched this drama when my life was kinda shit, but after watching her journey back to the top I felt great, like I could do anything. Secondly: Kwon Jung-Rok is the cutest idiot ever. He's so charming with this awkwardness of his. And together they create this cute, healthy kind of relationship I stan so much. LOVE THEM.

5. Her private life - Sung Deok-Mi & Ryan Gold

So like I said before I'm pretty sure that Park Min-Young could create great chemistry even with a plain chair. But holy shit, in Her Private life we're getting whole Mendeleev's table. The story is pretty simple, there's no incredible groundbreaking plot, but Kim Jae-Wook is so hot and works so amazing with Park Min-Young that I didn't even care for the plot. I just wanted to look at him as long as I could. Also, Ryan Gold is perfect boyfriend. I want him for next Christmas.

6. Angel's last mission: love - Lee Yeon-Seo & Dan

Omg, I shed so many tears on this one. Being completely honest I wasn’t huge fan of Lee Yeon-Seo at the beginning, she was really annoying for me. But Dan, my baby L, was such a cutie I decided to watch it despite of female character and boy, I am so happy I did that. It was truly touching, sad but beautiful story. And mains are just two puppies, so in love with each other, that you have this sudden desire to leave kdrama’s world, go outside, meet someone and being as cute as Yeon-Seo and Dan. Fortunately, this desire passes very quickly. I have another episode to watch, you know?

7. Cheer up! Sassy go go - Kang Yeon-Doo & Kim Yeol

I know most of you have a very strong Second Man Lead Syndrome when it comes to Sassy Go Go. And let me just tell you: I would die for Seo Ha-Joon. Ji Soo is one of my favs and he did such a breathtaking job in this drama. When I started watching it, I've actually been thinking I would be suffering, bc after watching few videos on YouTube I knew that SMLS is strong with this one. I wanted to ship him with Kang Yeon-Doo. And partly I do, I am. BUT DAMN. KIM YEOL. Like I said, I was prepared for loving Seo Ha-Joon. I was rooting for him even before watching. But then that one scene happened and that was it. I was done. You know which one I'm talking about. "One, you move away first. Two, I move away first. Three, since we're in this position anyway, we do it". It made my heart beat faster and since that moment I was sold. 

Btw that plot line with parents was totally unnecessary. Why, writers? Why?

8. Because this is my first life - Joon Ji-Ho & Nam Se-Hee

This drama is so important for me, you have no idea. I just felt it to the core of my being. And no, I didn't married my hot landlord although i'm not opposed that idea but it's just freaking incredible story about growing up, learning how to do this whole adult-shit, being your own person, being someone's person and finally about finding yourself. GOD, IT WAS SO GOOD. And main couple! UGH. My babies! I know I named Kwon Jung-Rok from Touch Your Heart the cutest idiot ever but in that moment I guess I had to forget about Nam Se-Hee, bc he wins that category. But he was also understanding and respectful and patient and just...kind. Just simply kind but somehow that is everything. Plus I love Kitty. It's the prettiest cat ever.

9. Extraordinary you - Eun Dan-Oh & Haru

The latest drama I watched and holy guacamole, I loved it so much. And even though I love Baek Kyung with my whole heart I don't even know why because he's an asshole, I just have to admit that Haru and Eun Dan Oh are freaking perfect for each other. THE WAY HE RESPECTED HER. Damn, that's some valuable shit right here. Watch and learn, boys. WATCH. AND. LEARN.

10. Encounter/boyfriend - Cha Soo-Hyun & Kim Jin-Hyuk

The last but not least. Actually, it’s my fav couple on this list. Noone is able to dethrone Kang Mo-yeon & Yoo Shi-jin from DOTS from being my fav ultimate, but damn I must say Soo-Hyun and Jin-Hyuk were really close to do that. I fell in love with them since the first scene and now, long after watching it, I still think about them everyday. I’m not even joking. Where you can find a man who’ll take cute photos of you and dance salsa with you on Cuba? With whom You could talk about poetry and art? And who will be as cute as Park Bo-Gum? Any ideas? I’m not asking for friend, I’m asking for myself.

#kdrama #kdramas #what's wrong with secretary kim #while you were sleeping #Innocent Man #nice guy #touch your heart #her private life #angel's last mission: love #cheer up sassy go go #because this is my first life #extraordinary you #encounter #boyfriend

[entropic-introspection]

Ok so TFA Optimus, Elita, and Sentinel all suffer from “gifted child syndrome” no I will not be taking questions because the essay is below the cut

Ok, so Optimus is our go-to protagonist boy, he’s pretty easy. He’s smart, very clever, maybe feels like he has to work harder to keep up with Elita and Sentinel who have the flashier in-built/Outlier powers. He screws up once, and his life sort of implodes. It’s not even necessarily his fault! He’s spent his whole life trying to be a good kid and being praised for it/following rules, and then got chucked out the minute something went wrong. Sentinel and Elita both should have listened to him or been smarter about exploring on a forbidden planet, but because Optimus was technically in charge of them he took the fall.

Except now he feels like it is his fault, and he internalizes the blame pretty badly. He’s now a washout, his plans for the future are gone, and he has no idea of what he’s supposed to do now. He doesn’t want to step out of line because he thinks he can’t without fucking up again. Which is also a problem, because if you watch, Optimus’ greatest strength tends to be that he thinks unconventionally and is willing to act outside of accepted doctrine to complete the overall mission. Dude’s actually very good at taking limited resources and using them to find viable solutions when he’s not tripping over himself or the idea of what a proper Autobot should be.

Him being in charge of team is both really good and really bad for him alternately, because being responsible for people again keeps him from focusing too far inward, but it also puts pressure on him again in very sensitive spots. Especially because his team is in no way shape or form “proper” Autobots, and sometimes that leads to them getting in trouble with Authority, which Optimus is terrified of doing again. Ratchet is honestly the best bot he could have been paired with, because Ratchet is old enough to have been through some shit and has learned enough emotional distance to teach Optimus how to say “fuck you and your emotionally manipulative bullshit”. Optimus goes from seeing his team of washouts as being a pity “thanks for trying” gift to his responsibility (in a good way!) and his friends.

I wanted a TFA season 4 for a lot of reasons, but one of those is that it would mean Optimus is no longer just on Earth where he’s got a fairly nice, stable routine and his supportive team around him. It’s the first time he’s back into a position of possible authority while being under constant scrutiny, and everyone’s watching him and his ““potential”“. That’s often a bad word to previously gifted children, aight. It is a bad bad trigger word that inspires some deep set panic of failing to live up to expectations. He’s expected to have plans and future desires. As someone who went through something vaguely similar and some ensuing depression, that’s uh. The future turns into a big worrisome question mark. I can plan for next week! Next year? Uh. Never. Never really thought I’d get that far...

Elita/Black Arachnea is very much “driven gifted child”. Her power is insane, she’s very smart, and physically talented enough that the Elite Guard is within her realm of possibility. Then something goes wrong and she’s all fucked up. No one wants her anymore, and she’s stuck between blaming herself and blaming others. Usually, she blames others (namely Optimus and Sentinel) because anger is a lot easier to deal with than guilt and self-recrimination.

So she gets stuck on the idea of “fixing” herself to be good, rather than really learning how to work with her new reality. And that’s frustrating to her, because here’s something without an easy fix. It’s not something she can work to overcome. It is very much a dead-end to her, and she’s not used to that.

Although she does make her entrance having thrown in with the Decepticons, I don’t count her as one. She’s strikes me as more of a neutral party willing to use either side in her current state. The Autobots do not like organics, and there’s too many people who would know her back on Cybertron, so it’s safer for her to throw in with the Decepticons until she gets herself sorted out, even if they don’t like organics either. That’s fine, because she can work hard and show off her potential and finagle her way up to a spot where she can travel with Megatron himself. Which like, damn?? Even if no one likes or trusts her she is good enough at what she does that they will bring her along on the crazy top-secret mission. So she’s gotten some internal validation that she’s still a good gifted child, she’s worth something, and she’ll be worth more once she fixes herself. (Honey it ain’t just your physical being that will need fixing after all this.)

Then she gets to Earth and meets Optimus again. And oops that opens up a kettle of worms she’s been steadfastly ignoring for a long time except to blame him whenever she starts feeling too upset about her condition. And he doesn’t want to treat her any differently. He still wants to call her Elita. He’s still fond of her. He has some very obvious spider-related PTSD. And on the one hand, she wants that. Wants to be loved by someone who knows her, wants that friendship back. On the other hand, it’s like. He’s refusing to acknowledge her, as she is now. He’s not looking at the whole of her, and that’s infuriating. AND THEN she has to deal with Black and Sentinel and it is driven home very hard that she won’t ever be “normal”. She’s going to be “broken” forever. It doesn’t matter what else she does, she’s always going to be a techno-organic freak. And that sends her off the deep-end a bit and leads to her shenanigans with Wasp and. Hm. Therapy is needed, really. For everyone in this verse but I’ll settle for her first.

Sentinel is our favorite asshole. Personally, I read him as “imposter syndrome gifted child”. He feels like he can’t keep up with Elita and Optimus because they’re both so much smarter than him. He’s just not as special as them. So he blusters a lot to cover that up, tries to force the world to make space for him and acknowledge him. If he’d slow down and find some inner-peace, he’d probably find that actually he is very talented and clever, and that by partnering with others he can cover for the areas he’s deficient in, but eh. That takes self-reflection, and folks with imposter syndrome have some trouble with doing that truthfully.

So when Aranea-7 goes down, he’s left with the feeling that he fucked up big time. Optimus though, he’s not saying anything. Optimus is willing to take the fall. Optimus is special and Sentinel doesn’t even have to say anything really and oh look, Optimus is still a Prime, and he gets his own ship and crew. Sentinel knows if he had spoken up, he wouldn’t have gotten that. Then the lucky idiot goes and finds the fucking All-Spark, like what the fuck that thing has been missing for goddamn centuries.

And then Sentinel gets to spend 50 years thinking that his two former best-friends and teammates are dead.

Now, honestly, 50 years is not that long to a Cybertronian, true. But! Even if we compress it down to a more human compatible time of say, 5 years, that is a long time to think someone is dead, and to maybe sort of blame yourself for it. And Sentinel got to see that these lucky, gifted kids who were so special weren’t safe. And he knows that he isn’t safe either, because it’s not like he’s that special. So he knows he needs to be a good Autobot and a good yes-man and stick by the rules and keep fighting for his spot at the top because otherwise, what will happen to him? And so he’s kind of a prickly asshole, but he’s good. He has to be good.

And then he gets to find out in short order that oops! Both his friends are alive, doing significantly better than expected, Optimus can still kick him to the floor after being out of the service for so long, and no one on the disgusting organic planet respects him. And now Ultra Magnus is out of commission, somehow he’s supposed to be in charge even though it feels like all he’s done is just stand there behind Magnus and be his secretary (pro-tip kids: paperwork and secretarial know-how is actually what makes roughly half the world run. If you hold the files, you hold the keys to the kingdom). But he’s in charge, he’s in the spotlight, and all he can think is “I can’t screw this up I can’t let them find out I’m a horrible little nobody what would somebody actually important do in these circumstances”.

Could Sentinel have a redemption arc? Probably! I’m not the one to write it though, and it would most likely involve a lot of him being stuck in places where his identity both does not matter and conversely does: his rank and abilities don’t matter. His willingness to help and interactions with others? Do. He needs a chance to interact honestly with people again to fix some of his underlying problems with trust before he can start on other shit..

#tf #tfa #maccadam #i'm a verbose mofo fair warning #the main takeaway is that as always cybertron needs some goddamn therapists

[liveonmtv]

cash machine || kth

pairing: kim taehyung/f!reader genre: fluff & humor. crack actually. crack cocaine. word count: 11.1k warnings: strong language, drinking, an unwated kiss (not from tae), unsanitary jokes (i’m immature), implied sex, vomiting extra: (fr)enemies to lovers, road trip au, rich kids au but it’s barely there also they’re on summer vacation, also this story takes place in the usa JUST to drag the trip out tbh

summary: Jungkook and Seokjin get a little problematic, you have anger issues and Taehyung is under the impression that he killed a man. Also, did you mention that you’re on your way to your unfunny cousin’s wedding? Go on a road trip from Missouri to Las Vegas and you’ll be in for a hilarious yet scary experience! 

a/n: hi! i’m just starting this account out, so reblogging would mean a lot to me. i’m a novice to writing, so criticism is welcome as long as you’re not rude about it. have fun reading (i hope)! i also have a jungkook fic planned next (:

song

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Jungkook has that look in his face, the one he makes where the person sitting opposite of him is about as depraved as he is. He’s given it to you while you were explaining to him how to scam desperate men under the preface of a faux premium Snapchat and he’s given it to Jimin when they were finishing their high school careers and decided to release grasshoppers in the principal’s office. 

However, if there’s one person that’s about as fucked up in the head as he is, it’s Seokjin. The man also suffers from SMSTS as well (Serious Misconception of Sexual Tension Syndrome, and yes, that’s quite a lot of s’s), which doesn’t hurt given the current affairs. 

While Jungkook is aware that Jimin and Hoseok are always up for a bit of mischief, he has ruled them both out as incompetents and moved on to the real deal. Jimin has these rare moments of sanity and Hoseok, as your most loyal little bitchboy, would probably tattle the situation with made-up details to you before the plan is even set in action. 

So, Seokjin it is. 

The story begins in a faraway land before Jungkook knew about the tragic facets of your family’s relationships. Though his friend group is on good terms with your siblings and your other close relatives are aware of their existence and somehow only have good things to say about them, he never thought they’d be invited to your cousin’s wedding. To be fair, you had to do some serious persuasion for your family to allow you to invite six more people to somebody else’s wedding so there’s that factor contributing, but still, the offer is out of the blue.

Somewhere along the way, you went on a tangent about how much you hate your cousin and how your aunt doesn’t have eyebrows and how bothersome it is to look at her face. Your horror stories were mostly you just being your usual dramatic self, but they also revealed that the [L/n]s aren’t what they appear to be. 

You begged and begged for them to accept the invitations, and though Namjoon and Yoongi, unfortunately, couldn’t make it, the others agreed. 

Then arose the problem of the sixth spot that couldn’t be filled. You would’ve just let it be but your parents insisted that if you’re going to ask for something, you should fulfill it until the end. It was Namjoon you’d asked to come first, but he was busy with visiting family back in Seoul, and Yoongi then declared that he didn’t feel like humoring you this once. And that was the exact moment Jungkook decided to strike.

“You want to play matchmaker?” Jin asks. And though he looks almost skeptical, his tone is definitely an excited one. “With [Y/n] and Tae, of all people?” 

“Well yes, think about it logically,” he explains as he is about to say something completely illogical. “She has that sixth spot to fill, she has no other friends and they’re perfect for each other. All the other shit we’re gonna pull is just for fun, though.”  

Jin laughs an evil laugh, always one to be up for evil schemes. Just another evil day in the evil life of Kim Seokjin. “Well, [Y/n] is Tae’s perfect mean girl. And that girl needs either therapy or to get laid, but like, same.” 

“See? You get me.”

“To be fair, I think that goes for all of us. No offense.” 

“None taken,” Jungkook agrees. “Anyways, I was thinking of a… road trip.” 

“Well you didn’t have to be so dramatic about it, this isn’t The Godfather. Though I do feel like I’ve definitely got a bit of Michael Corleone in me.” 

Jungkook shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly at the other fiend’s remark. “You can pray to god all you want. Here in these streets, the only thing we believe in is El Chapo.” 

“I— Okay…” 

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[11:05] LeBruh James: wtf is wrong with u

[11:05] LeBruh James: get help seriously

[11:06] jk the slump god: all i said was that u should invite taehyung as the 6th person to ur cussin’s wedding 

[11:06] jk the slump god: overreacting arent we 

[11:10] LeBruh James: what the hell is a cussin bitch im gonna kill u

[11:13] jk the slump god: not like u have anyone else to invite tho 

[11:13] jk the slump god: hes not that bad ur just being urself

[11:14] LeBruh James: ur literally Not helping ur case rn

[09:45] LeBruh James: none of the girls want to gooooo

[09:45] LeBruh James: fine if it has to be taehyung ig ill live w it

[10:30] jk the slump god: great he already said yes

[10:30] jk the slump god: btw we’re gonna go in las vegas at the end of a road trip u in?

[10:33] LeBruh James: HE SAID YES BEFORE I EVEN INVITED HIM…

[10:33] LeBruh James: EYE. OK.

[10:33] LeBruh James: on one hand i kind of dont want to see any of u but if ur all gone i wont have anything to do b4 the wedding so i guess im in by proxy

[10:34] jk the slump god: lovely doing business with u y/n-chan

[10:36] LeBruh James: call me y/n-chan again and I Will Put ur Dick-Chan in a Freezer-sama and then Cut-san it off

[10:39] jk the slump god: i dont think ur using the honorifics correctly tbh..

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“I don’t see how this is a good idea,” you state with a dramatic pout while looking out of the window. Your expression is solemn. 

Taehyung kind of can’t believe that you’re throwing a tantrum just because you had to sit next to him in the three-row SUV, but on the other hand, he’s kind of into it. You’re more appalled by the fact that he’s not as disgusting up close as you’d imagined him to be. Well granted, you’re being immature, but it’s your shtick so they take it with a grain of salt.

“Why’s that?” Jungkook asks obtusely. He ruined your life the moment he started calling you [Y/n]-chan and he has that bad case of crazy eyes he gets sometimes when you look at his reflection in the mirror going on right now. You’d be more understanding of his condition, hadn’t your trip started barely five minutes ago. 

“What do you mean why is that? We’re all unstable backstabbing lunatics, do you think we can survive together for six whole days?! Stranded or even in a hotel? And then the ride back to Springfield?”

“Hotel? You’re funny. It’s always been my dream to sleep in a motel,” Jin pipes up. 

“Seriously? No limo, now this.”

“Hotel, motel, holiday inn,” Hoseok starts singing. Perhaps if it was queen Britney, it would’ve curbed your temper but fate doesn’t seem to be that kind. 

“Hotel, motel, holiday inn! Hotel, motel, holiday inn! Hotel, motel, holiday inn!” 

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“So we’re not going to visit the Grand Canyon?” 

“It’s in Nevada,” Jimin explains. “We don’t have any business there except for going to the wedding. I’d be more down to do it if I wasn’t afraid that one of us, meaning [Y/n], would push one of the others, meaning you, in the gutter.” 

“Just a little visit?” Taehyung is talented at only hearing what he wants to hear. However, that doesn’t make the conversation any more productive.

“Well not to be the acrophobic buzzkill, but why are you so adamant about visiting the Grand Canyon?” This is the first time you’ve directly addressed Taehyung since the beginning of these mind-numbing two hours. Jin, hands still on the wheel, dares to take a peek at Jungkook and smile an asshole-type smile before almost accidentally crashing into a pole. 

“Watch the road!” Hoseok cries out. Everyone else either refuses to acknowledge what just occurred or decides to spare themselves from doing so.

“Jin says that he always wanted to sleep in a motel. I have another dream.” 

“To visit the Grand Canyon?”

“Not exactly. I want to take a shit in there and see if I can hear it splatter. Think that’s possible?”

“Maybe if you angle your butthole the right way—” Jimin’s explanation is cut short.

“Oh my god, you are disgusting. Shut up. I don’t want to hear it.”  

“What did I tell you about El Chapo, [N/n]?” 

“What about El Chapo?”

“Holy shit, I think I’m confusing conversations,” Jungkook admits. Jin offers no more than an eye-roll.

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Tulsa is a dump, really. Unfortunate that you had to make a stop here but also you’re satisfied because your right asscheek feels numb right now. Might have to take Kelly for a walk, though.  

Taehyung stumbles out of the vehicle after you and all six of you seize each other fleetingly before making your way towards the gas station, a tense sort of silence following. You’re first to speak up. “Y’know, I’ve been listening to your voices for so long now that I don’t wanna look at your faces.” 

“This tbh,” Hoseok agrees with your most profound sentiments as per the usual. He’s quick to match your pace, trailing after you like a lost puppy, successfully getting Taehyung out of his way. He puts his arm around your shoulders casually and you give him that sardonic smile that’s only really reserved for him.

“Don’t say tee-bee-aytch out loud. I get humiliation by proxy.” 

Jungkook makes an exaggerated gagging sound before nudging Taehyung subtly enough that Jin is the only one who sees the interaction. Though the eldest had agreed with his deranged idea, there’s one thing that Kook knows that Jin hasn’t come to find out. 

Taehyung has an ongoing problem or maybe he’s a masochist. He’s always been one to internally get attached to these girls who’d never give him the time of day, who can’t stand him at all. The tragedy-comedy that is his best friend’s love life started on a rainy day in second grade when a girl by the name of Seulbi punched him in the face and he was hooked on her for three years after. 

After the infamous Seulbi, came Yeonji from the cheerleading club who blew off his invite to his first-ever party when they were fifteen. She’d called him a loser to his face and he was smitten with her for a while, too. 

And then, you appeared in his life seemingly out of nowhere. Hoseok’s catty best friend with a tongue sharper than her stilettos and lipstick that goes perfectly with her skin tone. 

Of course, he was aware of your existence prior to that accident he calls his first conversation with you—be it from the exciting yet flat-out brain dead antics Hoseok would describe you’d gotten caught up in at the time or from the sound of your heels sinking into the floor promptly before you entered math class.  You were always late but claimed that the teacher should be grateful because you cut in line to arrive at school earlier. You always had one of those shitty overrated pumpkin spice lattes in your manicured hands. 

Simply put, Taehyung likes you. Though after your disastrous first meeting during which, blunt-natured and seemingly lacking a sense of self-preservation, he called you a stuck up moron and you threatened to make an attempt at his life. With your bullheaded nature, things never did solve themselves after that one instance.

It’s not something that he’s expressed outwardly, but Jungkook knows him better than he knows the back of his hand. Unfortunately, he knows you too, even if not as well and he knows how you can’t get a boyfriend because you either scare them away or you find out they’re only after a quick fuck and some money. 

Regardless, Jungkook writes off his inner ramblings as irrelevant before turning to Jin in what could be described as a conspirative manner. While clumsily handing the cashier gas money, he whispers something in the other man’s ear and Jin’s eyes literally twinkle like he’s in a low-budget porno. 

He nods, furiously so, and the cashier simply stares at them like they’re two idiots that somehow merged into one. It’s not a pretty sight. 

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“What? We’re sleeping out here?” Your whining is to be expected by now. Had any of your friends written an actual, physical, list of all the things you’ve complained about so far, it’d probably fill a notebook. Thankfully enough, said list remained as a mental compilation of your not-so-epic moments. “What about the motel?” 

“Oh, so now you want a motel?” Jin quips back with a smirk. “They always come ‘round.” 

Despite his boasting and apparent eagerness to go to a motel, that doesn’t change the fact that you all find yourselves in a campsite. You’re not an outdoor person save for going to parties or on a shopping spree with Hoseok. And well, your surroundings are a bit too green right now.

Taehyung is the next person to speak up, with a tense posture and his arms crossed over his chest, almost defiantly so. “Honestly, if you don’t want to be here, I don’t understand why you keep coming to these things.”

“Well, I don’t understand why I had to invite your dumb ass here either. I guess the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.” 

“Yeah, I thought Namjoon or Yoongi would be more fitting for your taste of guest,” he says, outright taunting you now, as if to remind you of your failed love rendezvous with your now close friends. 

“Well yeah, but they both denied, so I had to invite you.” 

“Ah,” he gives a slight sigh and you dismiss the sadness you register in his voice as something deserved for annoying you, “that does make more sense. Lucky me, I guess.”

“Awkies,” Jungkook announces as if it’s something that needs to be announced. Hoseok simply shrugs, and though you’re definitely not looking forward to sleeping out in the woods, he seems excited to try something new. 

There’s something hilarious about seeing a bunch of upper-class kids trying to set up tents and start a fire. You’ve converted to the cavemen with Hoseok, seemingly unaware that engaging in a one-sided debate with a bundle of sticks won’t make them randomly engulf in flames while Hoseok is trying out a trick he saw in the movies.

Honestly, it’s enough of a miracle that you actually went out in the woods and helped without tripping your silly ass and getting lost among the catacombs. Granted, Hoseok would’ve been compassionate enough to look for you had you gotten lost, but you probably wouldn’t get over the trauma of being covered in mud. 

Taehyung notices you both struggling. Part of him wants to make amends with you and a bigger part of him wants to leave Jimin to scramble on his own. Not that he’s sadistic or anything, he just likes seeing others suffer sometimes for entertainment purposes. 

Anyways. 

He approaches casually, like the kind of casual where you can tell that the person has an ulterior motive that they don’t want to reveal. Hoseok appears happy to see him, like he’s a savior on a white horse, while you don’t acknowledge him that much except for a sharp question regarding what he wants. 

He greets the older boy with one of these grins you won’t admit you enjoy looking at before roaming through the pockets of his jacket. Now that you’ve noticed him wearing one, you come to the sudden realization that it is getting quite breezy. 

Taehyung has the habit of scrunching his nose when he’s looking for something and then unconsciously smile broadly after succeeding in finding it. You don’t like that you’re aware of that and you especially don’t like that you can pinpoint the repetitive action.

It appears that Taehyung was looking for a lighter, of all things. 

“I thought you quit smoking?” You simply give him an incredulous look. 

He doesn’t grace you with an answer. Though he doesn’t reek of the putrid smell, you’re still hoping that the answer to that question is yes. Instead of soothing your curiosity, however, he uses the lighter to ignite a spark in the firewood and you guess that it’ll have to do.

“Well, that was quite pathetic,” you comment unhelpfully. 

“Better than Hobi’s attempts and uh, whatever the fuck you were doing.” 

Hoseok is enthusiastic to announce that the bonfire’s ready. You watch the clumsily prepped three tents in disinterest, not bothering to defend your attempt at enchantment to him. “Hoseokie, you’re gonna share a tent with me right?” 

“Hoseokie,” Jin repeats, but in good fun, “I thought you were gonna crash with me tonight?”

You roll your eyes before redirecting your gaze towards Jimin and Jungkook. By the guilty smile Jungkook gives you, you can tell he doesn’t plan on letting Jimin out of his clown clutches. You narrow your expression and jut your lip out disapprovingly. 

“Well, Mr. Handsome,” Jin interrupts whatever you have to say with a thank you, “since you and Kook have been jointed by the assholes since we got here, I don’t see what the problem is.” 

“I think you’re just saying that because you don’t wanna sleep with Tae,” Hoseok comments obliviously. 

“What he said. Also, these crackwhores are planning something, and I’m going to find out what.”

“Well, you’re in tough luck because Hoseok promised,” Jin argues, emphasizing the word promise. He has a shit-eating grin on his face and he’s not even denying your accusation. 

Taehyung coughs once. The second time is overkill and sounds even faker than the first one. “Sorry, but if [Y/n] isn’t comfortable sharing the tent with me, it doesn’t really matter what Hoseok promised.” 

You gape at him. This is probably the first intelligent thing that you’ve heard come out of his mouth. You almost reconsider your treatment of him after that, but then you remember that a guy being half-decent isn’t something you’re supposed to celebrate. You suppose that even he looks like a saint compared to some of your exes.

Everyone notices the conflict on your face but doesn’t say anything about it. Jin admits that Taehyung’s right with a wail yet the tension doesn’t dissolve, somehow. You excuse yourself by declaring that you’re going to get the blankets out of the SUV. 

“Damn, that bad huh?” Jungkook laughs. It’s the hyena laugh that kind of doesn’t suit his face but also the one he does when he’s having fun for no good reason. 

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“I heard in the girls’ bathroom once that this girl went on a diet where she only eats bananas for three months. Like, five a day,” you explain while you munch on your banana in front of the bonfire. Needless to say, you’ve come out to be severely underprepared in terms of food on your first day. 

“That sounds like a strategy to make yourself unhinged,” Hoseok retorts. He believes your story but he’s skeptical about that banana business. “I’d never do that.” 

“Me neither. Diets are stupid, anyway, can’t a bitch eat?” 

Jungkook reaches over and high-fives you, looking at you like you’ve just invented air or some shit. “Amen to that sister.” 

“By the way, what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jimin is the one to speak up this time. 

“I have quite the plan for you, alright,” Jin laughs. His next statement, however, is the embodiment of his immature nature. “But that banana talk had me all distracted.”

Everyone collectively groans. You’re not really sure if what he said would classify as a dad joke at this point; you’re now entering single-and-desperate-dad joke territory. Can’t say that you’d enjoy it coming from someone else, but Jin is Jin.

“Anyways,” he dismisses his previous remark with an easy-going smile and a wave of his hand in thin air, “we’re going to a breakfast place first thing in the morning. By foot.” 

His grin is mischievous. You think this is the worst idea he’s had yet and no one else present seems attracted by the prospect of it either, so you vocally oppose him with a raised brow. “Don’t you realize how likely it is we’ll get lost?” 

“Yeah, I also don’t wanna walk too much.” Hoseok’s always one to back you up.

“Technology doesn’t lie, [Y/n].”

“If technology doesn’t lie how come I had a D on my maths test in junior year when I used Photomath?” 

Hoseok agrees, remembering the incident. That day was truly one of sorrow. 

“Technology only lies if you’re gullible enough,” Jin now changes the narrative. 

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You sneak out of your and Hoseok’s tent with a brief explanation thrown over your shoulder. Something about getting your make-up wipes from the trunk. Hoseok mutters inspiring words of advice—be careful, it’s dark and who knows what animal puke is on the ground—and you stumble your way to the SUV. 

Shoving the keys in the hole proves to be a difficult task, however. You aimlessly jut it in, hoping to hit the correct place by some sort of miracle. This is the moment that you realize that your eyes aren’t so good at adapting to the darkness. 

“Hey, what’re you doing?”

You jump up out of pure reflex. Startled, you whip around with a bemused look on your face. You’re gonna get wrinkles, damn it. 

“Woah, girl jumps in heels,” Taehyung comments dryly. 

“Don’t sneak up on me, you idiot cokehead,” you retort. You’re not sure why you said that. He’s not a cokehead. 

“No, but seriously, what’re you doing?” 

“I’m trying to look for my make-up wipes.” 

Taehyung takes the keys from you. Without half as much fumbling as you’d done previously, he opens the trunk and you proceed with looking through your purse, only to come to the conclusion that you’ve forgotten your make-up lines somewhere. There’s now a new resolve, clear as day in your twisted mind—you have to find the supermarket you passed by on your way here and buy new ones.

“Did you find them?”

“No.” You scoff. An angry thaw and the trunk is now closed. “I’m going to buy some.” 

“Woah, calm down tiger. Can’t you just sleep with it?” 

“No! Do you know how bad that is for your skin?” 

“Well, we could find a river and you could wipe your face with the dirty water.” 

You give him a blank stare, barely suppressing a small giggle. “Do you understand how ridiculous you’re being?” 

“I’m being ridiculous?”

Silence.

“...You’re not planning to go off in the woods during the dawn of asscrack, right?” 

“The what? Yeah.”

Taehyung looks towards your tent only to see that the light is completely shut down. Hoseok must be asleep already. “I’ll go with you.” 

You roll your eyes. “Do whatever you want.” 

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“So, why do you hate your cousin so much?” Taehyung asks abruptly from behind you. 

Most of your walk has been a silent one, so far, except for an occasional grumble from you and an absentminded one-liner from him. There’s also the sound of sticks crumbling under your high-heels that’s slightly irritating. 

“Because she’s unfunny,” you reply seriously.

“You have issues.” This is probably the least significant reason someone has ever hated somebody else for, in the entire history of hatred. Strangely enough, however, Taehyung can’t help finding it endearing how outlandish you can be.

“I’m sorry, I must have Alzheimer’s because I don’t remember asking,” you snap with a roll of your eyes. 

“You know, I have a dog,” he begins dramatically. “And sometimes he shits on the carpet and one time he puked on me, but I still love him very much. He’s gang, you feel?” 

“I don’t see how that helps with my family situation.”

“I never said it’s supposed to help, I just wanted to talk about myself.” He snickers. You’re getting the most violent of urges. 

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Leering over the thin metal fence that looms over an otherwise mundane hill gives you an idea. Down the admittedly high hill, the supermarket is obnoxiously lit up. However, the hideous sight doesn’t deter you—this is what your nirvana looks like in the given moment.

With one bold move, you lift your leg up the fence and Taehyung considers you, your motives and perhaps even your life until now. “What are you doing?” 

“It’ll be faster if I go down the hill.” 

“You’re gonna break your ankles in these shoes,” he rebuts, his voice a tilted monotone. “Also, I can see your underwear like this.” 

“Perveeeeert.” This is your final taunt before you do make it over the short fence and onto the other side. Examining the hill from up close—but not before you roll your miniskirt down—you come to two conclusions. The first one is that it’s quite steep and the second one comes when you’re one step down, that maybe, just maybe, you’re a bit deranged.

With your back turned to him, you don’t get to see Taehyung experiencing the five stages of grief. There’s obvious conflict on his face and to be precise, his current dilemma is between worry for you and a lack of power to stop you. Perhaps had you turned around, you’d find the sight entertaining.

His movements are leisurely once he does get in motion. Taehyung’s plan is to simply help you up now that he noticed that you’re hesitating to go further than you’ve already gone. 

His voice cutting through the night’s silence startles you. “Hey, you really shouldn’t do this.” 

You stumble. 

As tragic as that is, there’s something else to placate you; you’ve never seen Taehyung move so fast. Not even during the blip test in high school. The rest of his actions are less endearing—he throws you over his shoulder carelessly, stumbles onto the sidewalk and drops you like it’s hot. And then your legs are a bit wobbly, but you pretend they aren’t. 

The unnerving silence remains all the way to the supermarket, then back to the campsite and even when Taehyung’s awkwardly using his phone as a flashlight in your face while you remove your make-up. There’s nothing to say, except maybe if he were to ask you a question that’s not to your liking.

(He’s not that bad.)

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Jin is in a hurry, but you’re not sure what for. It’s been practically less than a day since you started this road trip, but it feels longer. You’re conflicted about how to feel regarding that, but even so, Jimin and Hoseok’s enthusiasm is hard to ignore. 

The feline smile on your face drops the moment Jungkook basically drags you out of your tent, bare-faced and severely underdressed. Well, to be honest, you blend in with them just fine, but in your head, you’re severely underdressed. Something more boujee is usually your style, but you realize your predicament won’t magically change the longer you’re walking in what feels like the middle of nowhere. 

Tusla is gross, yes, but maybe Oklahoma is just gross in general. 

When you’re unhappy, you don’t get shy about it—honesty is the best policy, after all. So you’re going on one of those annoying tangents you like to go on like it’s second nature to you. Maybe it is. 

Taehyung drones out whatever it is you’re saying the moment you start talking about a pimple in your nostril that has hair growing out of it. He’s not particularly grossed out by this revelation, rather, he doesn’t like listening to you go on and on about everything you don’t like about yourself. 

“And I couldn’t put on that necklace you got me for my birthday,” you complain before linking your arms with Hoseok’s and feigning a sniff.

“That is pretty horrible,” he hums in agreement. “I think I have a rash on my thigh.” 

“See, if Jungkook wasn’t being horrible I could probably get some kinda product to smear on it.”

Taehyung feigns a loud yawn. Tagging along with you and Hoseok isn’t as tiring as he’d like to make it out to be. 

“What’re you yawning so blatantly for? I hate being interrupted.” You roll your eyes cockily. 

“Sorry, I almost fell asleep during this uninteresting speech of yours.”

You fume again and Hoseok reassures you with something along the lines of don’t worry, [Y/n], it’s very interesting. Then, silence follows. It always seems to end up like this between the two of you. 

“Well, if it helps,” Taehyung starts, tone breezy, “you’re still beautiful.” 

You feel your face heat up. Sure, boys have given you plenty of compliments before—you’re no stranger to it—hot, sexy and maybe pretty on a good day. But beautiful? Especially without any make-up on? This is definitely something new. 

Hoseok smiles. “Yeah, he’s right.” 

You don’t want to admit just how flattered you really are. “Of course I am.”

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You take the first thing you find to your liking once you reach the breakfast place. Actually, it’s more brunch than it is breakfast, but all that walking is making you starve so you don’t feel particularly inclined to be hung up on semantics. 

“It’s on me.” Jungkook sweeps in smoothly, giving you a flashy smile. 

“Fuck off. I’m still mad at you.”

“You might be, but not for long,” he argues with an obnoxious grin on his face. “They call it… The Kook Effect.” 

You shake your head. “I’m pretty sure you just made that up.”

“Yeah? Remember when you won a bet against Jimin and he had to call you Supreme Majesty in freshman year? And then you pretended that he did it out of his own volition.” 

“Oh, I’m not taking this from you and your dead trim.”

“My trim is fine, thanks.”

“Dead trim!” you repeat, almost frantic. You’re so caught up with Jungkook’s dead trim that you don’t notice that Taehyung is giving you a cheesy smile as he buys you your food. He looks like the greasiest gentleman alive when he hands it to you. 

“And what’s that about?”

“In junior year, at summer camp, they took away our phones because someone recorded the instructor jerking off. And then like, blackmailed him.” 

You quirk an eyebrow up at this, unsure what he’s hinting at. “Right.”

“Right. And then they took all of our phones for a month and you started crying about how your life is a living nightmare.” 

“Right…” you trail off, suddenly embarrassed as if that hadn’t happened a whole two years ago. But like, it totally was a big deal! “The no phone rule was the worst. Even worse than the public bathroom rule.”

“I did it. I’m making it up to you,” he explains. 

You feel your mouth twitch into a small smile, one that he hasn’t quite seen on you before. “I forgive you this once, then.” 

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“We’re going to a hotel after sightseeing,” Jin explains. It’s like he’s got everything figured out all by himself and perhaps with the help of Jungkook’s annoying personality. “I arranged the rooms and everything while you were eating.” 

“Quite epic,” Jimin comments absentmindedly. “Wait, rooms? Like, you mean who’s rooming with who?” 

“Yeah, I finished the registration.” He stares directly at you and then Taehyung. “You could switch if you wanted to, it doesn’t really matter.”

You give him a light glare, already having a brief idea of what he’s done, but don’t comment any further. With a sense of deja vu, you speak up again. “What about the motel?” 

“I wasn’t sure if we’re going to be passing by one today, so I thought hey! Better safe than sorry.” 

Everyone nods in half-agreement until Jin speaks up again. “Plus, you guys reek. You should shower. Couldn’t be me.”

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Predictably, Jin did set you and Taehyung up. You can’t tell what kind of game he and Jungkook are playing, however, the poor boy isn’t half as insufferable in your eyes ever since this road trip began, so maybe you should thank them. Still, you don’t trust them—their minds are as twisted as yours.

As the two of you are dragging your luggage towards your shared room, Taehyung reminds you that you’re free to tell him if you don’t want to sleep with him. “I could go to Jungkook’s room or something.”

You find the idea of being alone more unfavorable than you thought you would. Perhaps your high-school, drastically more histrionic, self would’ve found anything more pleasant than sharing a room with Taehyung. You’re a (slightly) changed person now, though. Or at least you’d like to believe you are.

“Let’s put it like this. I hate a lot of things.”

“You don’t need to tell me that, I already know,” he interrupts with a crude giggle. 

“But you’re not one of them,” you admit. 

There’s also the fact that the two of you are blatantly ignoring that you could switch with Jin and sleep with Hoseok instead.

No more words are spoken between the two of you that day. New Mexico isn’t half as bad as Oklahoma was. 

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You wake up before Taehyung does, punctually so. Rolling out of bed, you partly don’t care whether you wake him but at the same time, you try to avoid making too much noise before slipping into the bathroom. Though you’re definitely one to value your beauty sleep, yesterday’s incident left you paranoid over whether Jungkook or Jin would catch you unprepared. 

You go through your routine calmly and by the time Taehyung goes in the bathroom to take a piss, you’re ready to start doing your make-up. You stare at the foundation in your hand but before you can apply it, you hesitate. 

Do I need make-up to be desirable?

Of course, you’re aware that not all women who use make-up are insecure, or that it’s always necessarily toxic for your self-esteem. And you thought that was the case with you as well, but your doubts suggest otherwise. Swiftly, you put all of your stuff away, stick with your trusty lipstick and nothing else. 

“Morning,” he says, groggy still. 

“Morning.” You look over to him from the corner of your eye and he looks kind of dazed. “Jin says we’re staying here until tomorrow morning.” 

“Cool. Hotel’s nice. The scenery too.” 

“I guess.” 

There’s something cripplingly awkward when the two of you aren’t hurling insults at each other, you realize. 

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You’re off somewhere with Hoseok and Jin when Taehyung is hanging out with Jimin and Jungkook. Turns out their room has a nice balcony, and with the others out of the picture, there’s some kind of buzzed chatter about incoherent topics swirling around. 

Jungkook suddenly decides that it’s a good idea to start talking about his sexcapades. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe his mind’s slipping. Jimin kind of wants to admit how much he doesn’t care what his friend does outside of watching anime and playing video games, but there’s also a part of him that’s morbidly intrigued by Jungkook’s words. Like a dark spell or something. 

“I wanted to hit it off with [Y/n] in high school,” he admits bluntly.

The other two stare at him.

“Oh really? What made you change your mind?” Jimin asks, now more awake than ever. 

“Dunno. Like, she’s more like, the bitchy rival in rom-coms, not the protagonist. I liked her, but I didn’t think I could handle her,” he admits.

“Once we were clubbing and this guy was messing with me and I complained to her about it,” Jimin begins, leaning into his chair with a fond smile on his face, “and she was all like, I’ll show him. And I was like, what? And she was like, I’ll show him who he’s dealing with. And then I was like, okay, maybe don’t show him that much.” 

The three of them chuckle. Taehyung talks for the first time in a while. “Nah, I agree.”

“You dig it though, right?” 

Jimin gives him a knowing look right after Jungkook shoots his question with a drunken smile. He guesses that since Hoseok isn’t here, he can finally admit it. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I can’t get things right with her.” 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like, we’re either fighting or it’s really awkward.” 

“You’re on your own.” Jimin dismisses him with a wave of his hand. “I don’t think she hates you that much. It’s always Taehyung this, Taehyung that.” 

“True,” Jungkook agrees. “Like yes, maybe she’s complaining about you half the time and I know she loves gossiping but I’ve never heard her talk about someone else that much. Except maybe Yoongi. What I’m sayin’ is, you should give it a shot.”

“Why do you guys even fight so much?” Jimin laughs. “Whenever it happens, I like, forget what even happened to lead up to that.” 

“Well, you know me. I’m always too honest for my own good and when I hit her with some snark she starts getting all defensive. I just...” He sounds defeated by the time he’s finished with his explanation. Taehyung’s shoulders visibly slump and his frame slides down the uncomfortable chair. “I just want to get along with her.” 

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The fourth day is the first time you actually aren’t sure where you are. Save for supposedly being close to Nevada by now, you tuned out the rest of Jin’s explanation despite your previous attempts at keeping up with your location. 

Regardless, what’s important is living in the present. And the present for you right now is walking down a nameless street, in a mess of other tourists, with your pants uncomfortably sticking to your ass with sweat. In short, you feel gross. 

Taehyung doesn’t seem to be having the same problem, while you can’t even fake being unfazed. You envy him just the tiniest bit. 

A trashy souvenir shop seems to catch Taehyung’s attention. In the scorching heat and sand-yellow scenery of this town, however, even that seems more appealing. So when he urges you to go with him, you find yourself reluctantly agreeing. 

When you step in, the air conditioning of the otherwise homey shop welcomes you like taking a breather during an overcrowded party. You let an unconscious smile take over your face when you greet the cashier. She’s cute and her adorableness factor only spikes up when she practically beams at the sight of customers. 

“Hi! Please, feel free to look around.” 

“We will,” Taehyung answers offhandedly. Her gaze lingers on him. 

Most of the things don’t interest you. Actually, they’re hideous if you had to be completely honest. He doesn’t seem that enamored by them either, but you can tell he finds more redeeming qualities about them than you do. 

Your eyes almost bulge out of your face when you see the most live-laugh-love-esque decoration to exist. Like something your mom would laugh-react to on Facebook. 

The offender is no more than three inches tall and wide, a ceramic plate with a cartoony burger portrayed on it. It’s holding a flag that says two simple words: “Nice Buns!” 

You can’t tell if it’s the radioactivity of Jungkook’s cooking from earlier or if this thing is what’s making you nauseous. However, food-poisoning or not, you’re quite disgusted by what you’ve just seen. “Oh my god, the caucasity.” 

“Aw, you don’t like it?” Taehyung says with a mocking pout. “I think it’s cute.” 

“What’s wrong with you? It’s corny.”

“No, it isn’t. It might’ve been if it was a corn-dog, though.” 

You heaved an over-dramatic sigh. “You’re saying words that have no positive impact on my life.”

“I think I’ll buy it,” he declares, before checking the price and realizing he hasn’t brought enough money with himself. 

You shake your head. “I’m not gonna be an accomplice to… that.” 

“Well, of course not. This is your Valentine’s present.”

“Go to hell. As if I’d be your Valentine in the first place,” you reply sardonically before pushing him out of the way.  

Taehyung realizes something at that moment. Even outside your evident disinterest in him and his affairs, the two of you are completely incompatible. You, too quick to judge and be offended and him, too quickly to say the first thing on his mind, obviously don’t mesh smoothly. 

Neither of the boyfriends you’ve had that he’s spoken to is anything like him, either. If Namjoon and Yoongi have one thing in common, it’s that they’re both calm, collected and have a good head screwed securely on top of their shoulders. He’s not like that.

Even so, that revelation only makes the concept of being with you more alluring. 

Kim Taehyung is an idiot. But more importantly, with one glance towards the admittedly good-looking cashier making googly eyes at him, Kim Taehyung makes a decision.

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While you’re taking a shit in a nearby cafeteria, you receive a text from Taehyung. This is shocking by itself since despite the two of you having each others’ numbers, you never really text. 

[15:30] pain in the neck: im going on a date w/ the cashier

[15:30] pain in the neck: feel free to leave

[15:45] Princess Complex: i’m just gonna hang with jungkook thank god

Why is your stomach sinking?

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Once you meet up with Jungkook, you explain the situation briefly. He quickly looks you over, confusion evident on his face. “What? On a date?”

“Yeah, he just kinda left me in the toilet,” you confirm with a shrug. “Anyways, where do you wanna go?” 

It’s not like Jungkook is an oblivious idiot with the emotional capacity of your aunt’s mutated sixth toe, even if he may appear to be. But you never thought he’d call you out the moment your overly confident facade starts slipping. His gaze softens. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?” 

He isn’t examining you when he asks. No, he appears to be looking off, somewhere behind you. However, you remain ignorant to that fact. 

“Yes! Why would I care? I’d rather drink toilet water for ten years straight than spend any more time with that moron,” you snap, too worked up for someone who supposedly doesn’t care. 

“Is that how you really feel about Taehyung?”

“Yes! Yes, oh my god, let it go.”

Jungkook makes one more helpless expression, shrugs lightly, and you fail to realize that neither of those gestures is directed at you. “Let’s go to the arcade.”

“I’m not really into video games,” you lie as you run your hand through your hair, “but fine.”

“Hell yeah.”

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When Taehyung goes back to your room in the trashy motel, notably late during the night for a mere first date, the atmosphere is tense. There’s a crease in your brows when you unlock the door and obvious bite marks over your bare lips. He stumbles ahead to enter, but you continue blocking his path with your arms frigidly crossed over your chest.

“You’re late.” 

“And what’s it to you?” He’s never spoken to you so harshly. There are moments where his words bite, but never does he say them with an expression and tone that are so frosty.

“Nothing in particular.” You move out of his way, finally, and he enters. You briefly wonder if he’s had alcohol before you start talking again. “I’ve been stuck in this room for like, an hour because the keys are in me. Waiting for you...”

“Poor you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I heard what you said about me to Jungkook. You know, I’m starting to understand why you scared away all your exes.”

Warth washes over you in waves for a millisecond before it disperses into nothingness, a cold numbness that makes your back shiver. Your gaze on him is empty yet livid at the same time and he cowers under it. You’re not sure if the guilt on his face is a flicker of your imagination or if it’s genuine, but you hope it’s the latter. 

It’s never his words that are a big deal to you. It’s the way he speaks every syllable, so earnestly with truth laced in every letter, that makes you go off the hook. Because deep down, you’re aware that he doesn’t mean to be malicious or to offend, it’s merely him telling his truth.

You grab a few things impulsively with a mundane declaration, before storming off god knows where. “I’m not sleeping here tonight.”

When the door clicks behind your frame, Taehyung backs down and sprawls out across the bed. Truthfully, he regretted his words before he even opened his mouth. But he was so angry, be it with you or with himself.

It just seemed so unfair that you could blow him away time after time and yet, on his date the only thing on his mind was you. The mediocre make-out session and him awkwardly leaving out of nowhere didn’t help, either. And then you had to be so perfect, waiting for him instead of locking his ass out like he thought you would.

It isn’t the girl’s fault she’s raised to be as sweet as sugar while you’re more like citrus. He’s always had a knack for lemons, anyway.

The fact that you spent the rest of the day with Jungkook only aggravates him further, the younger’s words repeating in his head. I tried to hit it off with [Y/n] in high school, or whatever it was that he said exactly. All of this is his own fault, anyway—if he hadn’t been so temperamental, you would’ve stayed with him for the rest of the day.

Taehyung stares at the cheap lights hanging on the ceiling until his eyes hurt that night.

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Half-way through your trek to Hoseok’s room, you crumble. A sob escapes your throat and then another one. After these two instances, your tears don’t cease. 

At first, Jimin is excited to see you at their door but his smile slips the moment he realizes what a bad state you’re in. You’re practically making whale noises while desperately searching for Hoseok. 

“I’ll give you two a moment.” He gives you one final look-over and leaves with a not-so-threatening threat. “Or maybe thirty. You better be smiling and singing Toxic by the time I’m back, [Y/n].”

Hoseok rushes to hug you. “God, girl, what’s wrong?”

“I like Taehyung.” 

“Is that it? You’re a strong girl, y’know, I never pictured you crying over some pretty boy.” 

“No. I’m crying because I’ve liked him all this fucking time and I tried to run away from him because I’m scared. And he said the most horrible thing to me,” you explain as you bury yourself deeper into his embrace. “That’s why I’m crying.”

“I hope he isn’t allergic to hands, because he’s about to catch them. Actually, I hope he is allergic.” Hoseok isn’t one to ask about details. He lets you get it out of your system, makes a few promises (most often of violence) and then allows you to elaborate if you wish to do so.

You laugh, but it turns into choking considering how much snot you have running down your face by now. “He said that he understands why my exes run away from me. I mean, I— I said something rude about him first, but Jungkook was backing me into a corner and I didn’t know he would even find out about it, I just—”

“Forget about him, forget about Jungkook, everyone. Tonight is for Britney,” Hoseok commands more than he asks you.

You smile sadly at him before uselessly wiping your tears away and giggling like you’re on the brink of losing your mind. Perhaps you are.

“My 45-carat booger. Hey, let’s make Jimin do the chicken dance,” Hoseok starts off like he’s coddling you in his strange way of doing so, but then quickly turns diabolical. He throws some tissues at you and you accept them. If there’s one thing you’re truly grateful for, it’d be your best friend.

You nod, suddenly more excited than you should be. Hoseok’s right—you don’t need some pretty boy when queen Britney is watching over you.

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The next day, you’re wearing a full-face of make-up, and Taehyung notices it. Hoseok’s driving and you’re in the passenger seat, talking about some nonsense as usually do. The atmosphere is light, with Jimin and Jungkook occasionally joining in your conversation and Jin sleeping with his forehead pressed against the window.

Truth to be told, Taehyung feels like a zombie right now. Pretending that your scuffle with him meant nothing to you only convinces him further how little you care about anything that has to do with him.

“I think we’ll be in Las Vegas soon,” Hoseok announces cheerily.

On one hand, you’re happy to finally be seeing the end of this road trip. Though you’ve technically just been relaxing, you wanted to be done with your cousin’s dumb wedding and go back to spending an average amount of time with your friends. You want to forget how flippant things are between you and Taehyung, your quote-unquote friendship dictated by mood swings rather than actual feelings.

“Fuck yeah! I wanna get drunk in Vegas,” you say with a smirk. “It’s on my bucket list.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah.”

“You want to get drunk everywhere,” Jungkook corrects with a laugh. You can’t help agreeing with him. “And Jin will probably stay in the hotel and play Candy Crush or something.”

“Ew, ew, ew, a fucking millenial,” you exclaim in mock disgust.

“Jin can be a beast if he wants to. Remember when he twerked in front of the whole school on Taehyung’s birthday party?”

“Shit was wild, man.”

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No one except you, Hoseok and Taehyung himself is aware of what transpired yesterday. So Jungkook and Jin are still stubbornly placing the two of you together, yet you’re too powerless to fight it.

The hotel is a fancy one, courtesy of your annoying cousin. She’s been texting you and you sent a short message back to inform her you’ve arrived, but you haven't bothered to deal with her provocations any further. 

After dumping his luggage near his bed, Taehyung was straight out of the room and you started getting ready. And that was that. 

You feel more like yourself when you find the wine hidden in the fridge, a free present from the hotel. Or maybe your cousin’s way of making peace. Ha, as if that’d happen. 

When Taehyung comes back to get dressed, you’re already tipsy and acting like a fool.

“Drinking already?” There are many things that Taehyung wants to say to you. An apology he’s too sober to say and a confession you’re too drunk to hear, to begin with. 

“It’s pre-game,” you explain dizzily. “You know. I never told you why I hate my cousin so much. She used to bully me and she stole my first boyfriend from me. And we never got past it.”

With your trademark look, high-heels, acrylics, a fancy yet revealing dress along with whatever else you consider fashionable at the moment, Taehyung feels familiarity staring at your lopsided smirk. Though he’s gotten glimpses of other sides of you during these past few days, like how you like cuddling during the night, this is the epitome of who you are.

“Yeah,” he replies agreeably, though you’re not sure what for.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but Hoseok is waiting for me. So, this is bye-bye.” 

“See you there.”

“Probably not.” You snicker. Taehyung can tell that you’re still upset with him.

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You’re so wasted that the things happening around you aren’t really making sense anymore. While you and Hoseok were drinking together for a while, at one point Jungkook whisked him away, then there’s a blank in your memory and now you’re here. Alone. And you’ve lost count of how many drinks you’ve had. 

A man, that’s definitely a few years older than you, finally approaches you after observing you from afar. He says some sort of sleazy line—you’re not sure what it is, you’re not really listening—and offers you a drink. 

You consider him. He’s not your type at all and that pornstache isn’t helping his case but, when you look at Taehyung and see him talking and having fun while you’re being an alcoholic by your lonesome and moping about him, you quickly accept his offer. Pornstache or not. 

“Pick anything you’d like, kitten,” he purrs, in an attempt at being seductive. 

“Well first off I’m not a furry so don’t call me that,” you snap with a self-assured grin. And then you start listing off the most expensive drinks on the menu. 

This man is so enamored by you that he buys you all of them. You’re three steps closer to alcohol poisoning when you clumsily stumble onto the dance floor along with him, running your hand over his jaw in what you believe to be a sensual manner. He seems to dig it, but from an outsider’s perspective the two of you look like junkies trying to get off. 

Your experience in the club is romanticized. The dim lights are reminiscent to those few times you’ve gone to a rave and it reeks of alcohol, overpriced perfumes and sweat. You and your nameless pathetic fan mingle with the grinding crowd and begin imitating them. 

As the poet Lady Gaga once said, “redlight pornographic dance fight”. 

The act itself is indifferent to you. From across the room, Taehyung locks eyes with you and you’re not really sure why but you feel this sudden need to provoke him, even when you know he most likely wouldn’t care. You sloppily kiss your suitor’s cheek while looking at him intensely from across the room. A red trail from your wet lips makes its way down his face.

For the sake of pettiness, you might’ve gone further—I mean, you were already playing some weird game of tug-and-war but with clothes—but you don’t want to know the feeling of this guy’s lips against yours. He finds the mostly innocent action as an invitation, though, and abruptly halts your staring contest with Taehyung by forcing you into a greedy kiss.

Pushing him away, you give him a pointed stare and rejection is clear on his face. “Excuse me…” 

He’s a terrible kisser. 

Pushing through everyone that’s in your way, you make your escape through the first door you find. In your intoxicated parade, you fail to make sense of the words ‘CLOSED’ that are so blatantly taped over the entrance. So, you find yourself in front of a swimming pool. 

The cold breeze outside prickles at your skin unpleasantly, and a quick look around tells you that there’s no one around to put this in their cringe compilation. Apparently more disgusted than you’d initially thought, you puke your guts out in front of the pool. Now light-headed and somehow empty, you stare at your vomit and take a deep breath. 

“Hey, why’d you run away?” Your suitor from earlier appears to have followed you outside. You stare at your feet—doesn’t he understand that you wanted to get away from him?

“You’re a bad kisser,” you say bluntly after getting over your little trance. 

“Give me a chance to change your mind then,” he offers smugly, taking menacing steps towards you. You move away instinctively before you’re quickly backed into a wall, with his two hands trapping you in between. 

Your eyes widen with fear and you sink into yourself. If you had anything else to puke out, you’re sure you would’ve done so at this point. “I have sharp nails and I’m not afraid to use them.”

“Oh, she bites-”

The events that play out next happen so slowly, you’re not sure why you’re surprised. Taehyung appears, and you do see him in your peripheral vision, stares for a bit before knocking the guy out with a punch to his temple. He falls unconscious on the ground.

“Oh god, did I kill him?” he asks, a vacant look on his face. He imagined his first kill to be more thrilling, but on second thought, he’s not sure why he was thinking about that without being under the influence of substances in the first place. 

“I’d be happy if he’s dead, if that helps,” you comment dryly. 

“Do we dump the body in the pool or what?”

The two of you are drunk enough to consider it. Your mind is blank for a bit, before you finally speak up. “I’m trying to think of what I saw on How To Get Away With Murder, but it’s not coming to me. But like, on Blacklisted, there was this guy who like, made the corpses turn to gas or something!”

“You watch too much TV. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s called The Blacklist.”

“Whatever. Do you know how to do that?”

“No.”

“Hey, what’s going on here?” A new voice cuts in.

“You better come up with something convincing or we’ll have to kill him too,” you urge.

“Did you say something?”

“No.”

“Umm, awkward believe it yeah,” Taehyung begins, a strong start. “This guy slipped on her puke and hit his head. And he has a concussion now.”

“Man, that sucks,” the guy says. You’re relieved that he’s as trashed as he is, otherwise the situation would’ve went really badly, considering how Taehyung straight-up lied to his face. “I’ll go call someone over ‘ere.”

Once he’s out of sight, the two of you stare at each other and decide to flee the country. But then change the plan with the more economically-efficient idea to simply leave the club. 

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“Why were you with that guy anyway?” Taehyung asks. Frankly put, neither of you know where you’re going, but you’re boldly leading him through the artificially-lit streets of Las Vegas as if you’re born there. Where you end up is a concern your sober selves of tomorrow should worry about.

“I wanted to make you jealous,” you reply, bold, like everything you do when you’re drunk is. 

“...I don’t get it.”

“You pissed me off so much yesterday. And you made me jealous when you went out with that cashier. But also, you killed a guy for me, so I guess I’m not mad at you anymore.” 

“Well aren’t you high-maintenance,” he retorts sarcastically, gaining what feels like a confidence spurt because of your sudden confession. “You don’t have anything to be jealous of, anyway. The only thing I had on my mind during that stupid fucking date was you.”

You freeze up. You thought that your own attitude was what made any possibility of him returning your feelings seem laughable. Even if it’s drunk blabber, alcohol is an honesty elixir, at least in your case. “Kiss me?” 

He doesn’t need to be told twice, attacking your lips so eagerly you’d consider it funny if you were in a right state of mind. Still, your reciprocation is just as hungry, so maybe you don’t have any room to laugh. He is indulging you, after all.

The wipeout that happened at the club happens again and you’re left to wonder how things escalated. From teeth clashing against each other in pure excitement, you’re left hovering over Taehyung’s form and straddling him unsteadily.

He reaches under your already high dress and the glimpse of your panties seems to excite him. “You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this,” he admits breezily. 

You smile, a teasing one, adjusting yourself better. “You don’t need to be so dramatic about it, it’s just underwear.” 

“Dramatic is how many times I’ve jerked off after we went to the supermarket and you flashed me.”

“Ewwww, we shared a bed like three times, freak,” you scold and he pouts when you distance yourself from him. 

“I was just trying to be funny!”

“Not funny. Didn’t laugh. It’s better when you don’t talk,” you instruct before leaning down again to kiss him. At least he’s having fun with groping whatever he can get his hands on. 

“You’re so annoying it turns me on. Always whining, it drives me nuts how much I really like you.”

You snicker. “Well, I sure am feelin’ the love here.”

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When you wake up, you register three things. Four, actually. First—your left shoe is missing. Second— Taehyung is knocked out cold next to you. Third—you don’t know where you are, except for the fact that there’s a garbage bin next to you. Fourth—your head is throbbing with pain and you’re so sore you’re not sure if you can walk. Needless to say, you had the wild night in Vegas you wished for in your bucket list, and you only half-regret it.

You see your shoe discarded near you and nudge it with your toe for a bit before finally gathering enough power to sit up and put it on. Or so you think, because the moment you’re propped in a standing position, you vomit like you did yesterday. 

Speaking of yesterday, the only thing you remember is that you and Taehyung were convinced that he’s now a murderer on the run, confessing your feelings for each other in an anti-climactic manner and then having like seven rounds of public sex. 

With a recap of yesterday’s events, you digress and put your shoe on before reaching in your purse. Surprisingly, you haven’t been robbed. Fishing your phone out, you come to the conclusion that you’ve been knocked out cold for way too long. 

Hoseok has generously spammed you with seventy texts, but you don’t bother to read them, already assuming that the gist is something about where the fuck you and Taehyung are. Instead, you call him immediately. 

“Hi,” you greet casually.

“[Y/n]! Where the fuck are you and Tae? We were so worried. Jin almost declared you two missing. But on the positive side, Jungkook didn’t care because he got food poisoning yesterday at the club.”

“I don’t know where we are, but he’s with me.”

“What do you mean?!”

“I’ll send you my location. I don’t have money for Uber, love you, kisses and hickeys,” you say in one breathe before hanging up quickly and doing what you said you’d do. 

At first, you thought this road trip was an opportunity for you to grow and mature. However, after yesterday’s shenanigans, you’re almost convinced your sociopathic tendencies are now higher by 5%. 

You start shaking Taehyung until he wakes up and swats your arms away. Now upon closer inspection, while you’re aware that you look bad right now, he’s not looking too hot either. The lipstick marks you had left on his face make it look like you’ve either slobbered all over him or that he’s a vampire, you’re not sure. And you’ve bitten him so much somebody could think he got attacked by a racoon judging solely on those bruises.

You quickly explain the situation to him as you’re fixing up your bra and top. Considering the fact that you were bordering on nip-slip territory, that was your priority. Smoothing your dress is easy enough, but your pantyhose is mysteriously ripped in some incriminating places.

He reaches out, rips out the fake eyelash that was pathetically hanging off the corner of your eye and throws it away. You take care of the other one, wipe off your ruined make-up and then wipe off the lipstick on his face. 

Your head hurts so much that you don’t know what to say to break the silence. Though you also don’t doubt that he’s in the position, and so, for the first time it doesn’t feel awkward between the two of you. 

“Hey, [Y/n], are we like… dating now?”

“I think so? You can be my date to the wedding if you want.” 

A dopey smile takes over his face. You realize you’ve made someone this happy before with merely being yourself. It fills you with a kind of warmth you’ve never felt before.

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“Your cousin won’t stop calling you,” Taehyung emphasizes as you’re pointedly ignoring your ringtone while you get ready. Considering the atrocious state both of you came back in, the process taking longer than usual shouldn’t be a surprise. Especially since you had to take turns for the shower.

Also the part where the two of you got into a fight over who should go in first—your thesis being arguably stronger once you mentioned the mud ingrained in the left sole of your feet—only slowed you down further.

“I know right? Can’t this pregnant moron get a life.”

“No, I think she’s calling you because we’re late to the wedding,” he elaborates. “You should pick up.”

“But I hate her!”

“You can roast her at the wedding and I’ll hype you up if you do what I ask.”

“Oh my god, promise?” 

“Promise.”

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“Look who finally showed up,” your cousin greets you with a tight smile. You can only return the sentiment as Taehyung dumbly trails behind you. 

Well, as much as you don’t like your cousin, the wedding is certainly nice. With a light atmosphere and a fancy ceremony, he can’t pretend he hates it—that much is certain. Though he can also tell that it’s a lot of money wasted on food that doesn’t look appetizing in the slightest the more he examines the buffet.

“I see you’re not wearing the dress I shipped to you. Is it too tight, perhaps?” She’s smiling fakely and sweetly as she waits for your answer to her provocation. Of course it’s too tight; what else could it be when she picked it two sizes smaller than what you usually wear. And she did it on purpose too.

Despite the rather mundane conversation happening, the tension is thick.

“I’m going to be quick. You look like a greasy manatee.” You give her your own uptight smile before strutting away, cueing Taehyung to follow after you.

“Pregnancy-shameeeeed,” he yells out as he offers her finger guns and speed-walks in your direction. 

Once he’s caught up with you, he speaks up again. “I know you could’ve been more brutal than that.”

“Oh please, I’m sophisticated, I’d never engage in some barbaric behavior.”

You both burst out laughing at your blatant lie. 

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“Do you think they’re dating now?” Jin asks, looking at the two of you as you dance and joke around. Though he imagines that you could only be having a deranged conversation, one that isn’t as sweet and lovey-dovey as it might look from an outsider’s perspective, it’s still quite disgusting how smitten Taehyung looks with you. 

“I don’t care,” Jungkook answers. Him saying he doesn’t care is a metaphor for how much he doesn’t care about anything after his food poisoning.

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Oh definitely. I saw them making out near a garbage dumpster when we were driving back to the hotel.”

Seokjin chokes.

#bts scenarios #taehyung x reader #bts x reader #bts fanfiction #taehyung fanfic #bts fluff #kim taehyung #taehyung scenarios #taehyung imagines #taehyung fluff #bts fanfic #mine

[absolutiions]

´   ･   .   ✶   ⧼    madchen   amick,   non   binary,   she   &   they   /   fucked   my   way   to   the   top   by   lana   del   rey   +   eyes   the   color   crimson   and   hands   stained   in   crimson,   too.   victim   of   the   underworld,   you   are   not.   you   came,   not   to   sit   silent   at   his   side   as   dutiful   wives   do,   but   to   whisper   in   his   ear.   pouted   lips   smeared   ruby   stoke   the   flames   of   his   darkest   impulses   and   his   deepest   desires.   you   are   the   conqueror.   you   are   the   queen.   and   may   god   have   mercy   upon   anyone   who   underestimates   this   :   because   you   will   not.    ⧽   ━━   don’t   look   now,   but   that’s   ATHENODORA.   the   TWO   THOUSAND,   FIVE   HUNDRED   &   TWENTY   TWO  (   varying   physical   )   year   old   GIFTED   VAMPIRE   has   been   here   in   seattle   for   three   minutes,   and   is   considered   a   member   of   the   VOLTURI.   they’ve   always   been   MACHIAVELLIAN   &   INDOMITABLE,   but   i   guess   this   town   just   brings   out   the   worst   in people   ;   apparently,   they’ve   been   way   more  INSOUCIANT   &   SUPERCILIOUS   than   usual.   it   wouldn’t   surprise   me   if   they   knew   what   was   going   on.   click   HERE   to   check   out   her   stats.

they   told   you   that   you   were   a   nobody,      so   you   became   the   QUEEN.   (   now   everybody   knows   your   name   )

SECTION ONE OF THREE : background / human era. trigger warnings for talk of pregnancy, death, abuse

born circa 502 bc, in a little village that has no lasting name nor impact in ancient greece. 

five of the children born to her parents survived to adulthood, and since she was the last one... it is almost like, her whole life, she has been suffering from younger child syndrome. who knew !

she very literally grew up in a diff time, so when i say she wasn’t rly close to any of her siblings, i don’t mean it in a like... horrible way. it’s not a reflection of character. they just didn’t have a tight sibling bond, though she loved them greatly. 

same w her parents. they were unexceptional people who lived unexceptional lives, and though she was grateful for, u know... their creation of her - they were not close. they did not, in laymans terms, have the lorelai and rory gilmore dynamic. 

her whole family were content to live their dismal lives, and... tho athenodora did not vibe, she, again - grew up in a diff time. of course she dreamt of more. of course she prayed to the gods for something better. but she was achingly aware of the fact that no such future would ever exist for her. such is life in 400 whatever bc, bumfuck, greece.

she was just barely eighteen when she was married to athanasios, to secure land, or smth, because those were the times. of course it was something like that. 

he was... fine, at first. a little small minded ( that wasn’t the ONLY thing that was small, haha ). he, like everyone, was content to live the same old life, and athenodora just... wasn’t. she had been raised on stories of grandeur, and her parents had thought she would settle for the regular - it should not have been a surprise that she didn’t want to, but gods, did she try.

she never loved him, she can safely say ; but she wished that she did. for a long while, athenodora thought it would be easier, and thought that she could do a lot worse. unfortunately... she cld not.

their lives were meant to follow a certain pattern. they had gotten married, and now he would work all day, make them money, tend their land. she would stay home. cook. clean. raise the children that they were sure to have. athenodora was capable of almost everything expected of her, except for the most important part - she couldn’t seem to give him children. not strong sons. not beautiful daughters. 

at first, he told her that it was fine. 

after a year or so, he still told her that it was fine, but she could see in his eyes that it wasn’t.

two years after this, he called her the ancient greek version of defective for the very first time - and things only got worse from there.

he had always been a perfectly fine husband, until he was not, and athenodora had always wanted to love him, until she did not. she prayed to the gods every morning and night, to give her what her husband so desired. to give her that which would make her life better, even if she knew it would not heal the wounds already caused.

sometimes the gods r not dicks. a miracle! she becomes pregnant, aged twenty four ( i kno it sounded like she was a crone but again please remember the times ). she always thought it was just what was best n only athanasios would care, but , wow... suddenly. she cares. she has never felt this level of love with anything, until now.

but, tragedy :// straight white men ( idk, i just feel like her husband was the root of all evil ) are not so easily satisfied. who wld have guessed he wld continue to be an abusive asshole even after his wife succeeded in getting pregnant? i bet i shocked u all. who wld have guessed that a huge part of his problem wld end up being that suddenly, athenodora clearly cares abt something - and it isn’t him. again. got you all!

over the course of her pregnancy, he becomes, for the first time, a real threat to her - or maybe, athenodora simply never took him seriously until there is another person to think of. either way, she TRULY fears him and what he’s capable of by the time she gives birth, and after he makes some passing remark abt their baby, she yeets the FUCK out of there in the middle of the night, eirene ( baby ) only a handful of days old. she takes what she can carry and nothing more, and she... makes it pretty far, thanks to the kindness of strangers. you love to see it.

she settles somewhere ( she considers to be ) far away, and she makes up a good story : her husband died in a war ( there were probably a lot of time, i dont know ) and she was widowed, left to care for their young daughter alone. i know. its really original. they didnt have tv shows back then to rip stories from though.

stays in a hovel on the edge of their village. think the shittiest home you’ve ever seen and then make it shittier. there are rumors about her being a witch, and she kind of appreciates them, because it keeps kids out of her yard. and shock of all shock : in spite of being... u know. a woman. and not very skilled. she finds a very hot ticket job - working for the very wealthy volturi family who live on the other ( opposite ) outside of town, but like, in a considerably better home, obviously. 

honestly, i don’t kno what the ancient greek equivalent of that secretary in new moon is, but that’s the vibe we’re going for, here. she’s like, a chambermaid or smth. and she makes a tidy little sum. doesn’t question her weirdo bosses that much. doesn’t know what anemia is because im p sure it wasnt discovered by then, but presumes they have it.

and maybe, just maybe, it’s the finesse of the century : or maybe, just maybe, it is destiny. in no time at all, she has caught the eye of the volturi’s most eligible bachelor(tm) : caius volturi. many another worker is made upset by this fact, as athenodora is very quickly alotted VERY special treatment as the apple of his eye, which includes, i don’t know... hand delivered baskets of pomegranates, a nicer home and in due time, the simple pleasures of the flesh.

so that’s pretty neat. and life’s pretty fine. she feels like an ancient greek sugar baby, and honestly, isn’t that all she’s ever deserved? she’s got some nice digs ( i don’t think she’d have called them that ) and a man who worships the ground she walks on and who spoils her with pretty things, and most importantly : she is taking care of her daughter, who i absolutely didn’t forget about. eirene is the literal light of athenodora’s life, and everybody knows it. if i say jean valjean and cosette vibes, can we all pretend we get it?

and then it goes to shit. as things do.

her daughter is fourteen years old, when her father finds them ; and she doesn’t know, she never knows, if he was seeking them out or whether it was all DUMB luck. regardless of it all, he is stood inside her home, his breath coming in angry half pants, and athenodora is convinced that this is it. that her end has come. that her freedom is over. she dies, she thinks, or she returns back to the house that was not her home with him. these are her options. 

she tells her daughter to leave. she stops him from following. when she is shoved and her head hits the table, she is aware of the option he has chosen for them more than all else - but the gods, or perhaps, just one - intervenes.

until this night, athenodora had never known the truth of the volturi. but when her beloved saves her from athanasios, she sees him for what he is. she UNDERSTANDS. and she isn’t frightened. she should be, for sure, she should be running as fast as she can - but all she can think in that moment is that she is free now in all the ways she has never been... and caius, her love, is something so much larger than this life. 

for the first time, the godhood that athenodora has always dreamt of is within her grasp. she makes him promise that once eirene comes of age, he will make her into the same creature that he IS. she makes him swear a solemn oath, and he who has been so infatuated by her for so long cannot argue.

four years. this is all it takes, and then eirene is eighteen - capable of standing upon her own two feet. athenodora leaves her everything - all the gifts she has ever been given, all the wealth accumulated, the home. everything she will not need, once she is gone. and she says a final goodbye.

caius turns her himself. the greatest gift he could ever give her.

and reborn, athenodora is MORE than everyone in her life could ever dream of being. she is the queen of the underworld, the goddess of death. she is all of this, and more. at his side, she finds GREATNESS. and once she had it, athenodora decided she would never again be without. 

SECTION TWO OF THREE : volturi era.

became cool. became powerful. very emma frost of her, rly 

didnt rly care for the rest of the coven outside of caius but sometimes u gotta hang w scrubs 

didyme dies sometime after her turning, and that kind of fucks everybody up

not so much her bc like i said she didnt rly care but... caius b frightened of losing her, i guess

kind of throws a spanner in the works 

she spends a lot of time ‘locked away’. not , like, literally ( bc that’s gross! ) but... caius takes over protective to the extreme

uses this time to harness her power and fuck

not always in that order

also spends a lot of time telling him he deserves to b leader

deserves to b the new aro

who needs powers?

not u, caius

go kick their ass baby i got ur flower-

( he doesn’t go kick their ass but man she wishes he wld )

she’s genuinely devoted to him, however, as much as it sometimes seems as if she’s using him as a means to an end

she DOES do that with a LOT of people, but caius... that’s her baby! her darling! her sweetie pie! fuck everybody else in this house caius, she respects YOU ! 

she jus wants to see him be the best there ever was, and he’s.... p... happy to giv her everything she wants, so their dynamic is actually p equal 

we love to see it

anyway lots of years happened and now she’s here

seattle sucks -athenodora’s official review

but she’s fucking SICK of aro’s shit and thinks her 2020 birthday wld be the best time for an official change of pace

obviously aro can read minds so he knows athenodora has high aspirations but he has learned his fucking lesson w killing ppls mates, i guess

lucky for her!

that’s all i got

hehe

SECTION THREE OF THREE : power.

athenodora is an ungifted vampire in twilight canon, but to that i say : fuck ya chicken strips. in equinox, she be special. her power is life force manipulation, in a pretty unique ( and dare i say ) way.

she was a forty two year old woman, when she was turned. she had lived a life, and she had the MARKS to show for it. but the very first time that she drank human blood from the vein, athenodora realized that she was not as unexceptional as she had always been lead to believe she was. vampires do not change. they’re frozen in time, like statues, portraits, photographs... and yet, before caius’ very eyes - athenodora did what no other vampire could. mere seconds passed, and suddenly ; she was stood before her beloved, decades younger. it lasted as long as her thirst was sated, with her age returning to her as her eyes darkened once more. and it happened all over again, when next she fed. 

over time, she’s come to understand it well enough. she has a particular love of younger humans ; those in their twenties, and thus, physical primes. she thinks that is, in part, down to her gift ; she seeks these out to drink from because when she feeds, she’s not simply drinking their blood, but also, their life force. she’s taking theirs to add to her own.

like many gifted vampires, she has spent time learning what she can of her gift, and learning whether there is some other way to apply it. it took almost two thousand years, but eventually - athenodora discovered that with a touch, her fingertips to their skin ( and a great deal of focus ), she could render another changed, also. it lasts for only a short amount of time - an hour, maybe a little longer, depending on how strong she is. but it works. and it makes her think that, in all her unlimited time : she might just be able to do even more. be a danger. manipulate life force in a way that can DESTROY. she’ll keep on working on that for as long as she lives. 

#equinox.intro #ath #( 𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐀 ) ━━━ * biography !

[hereticalheraldry]

Disney Princesses’ trauma types

IE, definitely the darkest take on Disney I have ever done!

(see this post on trauma types)

Lots of Disney characters have had Adverse Childhood Experiences (death of mothers, to start with!) and exhibit signs of traumatic stress. Below are my guesses as to their chosen coping mechanism.

What 4F trauma type is each Disney character below (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn)

Snow White (dead mother, dead father, abusive and neglectful stepmother, stepmother literally tried to have her killed): It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this, but I’d say it’s Fawn-Flight. She is unerringly sweet. Her immediate reaction when in any form of danger (with a strange man, the huntsman, or the dwarves) is to try to appease, appeal, and make friends. She also has a ton of energy (flight), which she channels into obsessive cleaning, though she doesn’t seem to edge far enough into that to call it OCD. She also literally ran away in a segment that makes obvious how her fear drives her to flight.

Cinderella (dead father, abusive and neglectful stepfamily treats her as a slave): another Fawn-Flight. Unfailingly kind and sweet. So desperate for friends that she befriends the MICE. Also an incredibly hard worker (though tbf, her stepfamily forces that on her). When traumatized by stepsisters yanking to pieces her clothing (both a destruction of her hard work and a physical assault) she literally runs away into the garden to cry. She also runs away from the ball at midnight rather than turning back right there and explaining to the prince that she only got to go to the ball through magic because her family is abusive and probably stole her inheritance. Cinderella gets the wish that many with CPTSD have: that somebody would swoop in and rescue them! She gets rescued twice: by her fairy godmother AND by the prince.

Peter Pan (abandoned in Kensington Gardens and brought up by fairies, who are not the most emotionally stable beings out there): Flight. Classic ADHD: response: runs all over the island fighting, flying, and crowing. (Also literally flies.)

Ariel (dead mother, controlling and abusive father): Freeze-Flight. Instead of trying to please her excessively harsh father, like her hard-working singing sisters, Ariel ditches not only practices but CONCERTS in order to get away from her father and lose herself in her collecting hobby. She has a secret place where she hides in order to fantasize about having a different life in an entirely different place, away from her family. Her friends attempt to persuade her that life on land is impracticable for her. But when her father destroys her hidey-hole, she is retraumatized and resorts to flight to someone she thinks can fix her problems for her by making her human and sending her to the surface: she therefore literally runs away, and tries to get both Ursula and Eric to save her and get her away from her father.

Prince Eric: Surprisingly non-traumatized! I mean, as far as I remember.

Belle: non-traumatized? (at least to start with. I mean, we can always suggest Stockholm Syndrome later...) DOES seem to think she’s entirely different from everyone else around her (a common CPTSD symptom). Maybe traumatized by mother’s death? Bullying from the neighbors? Becoming a parentified child to take care of her absent-minded (though affectionate) father? Unaccustomed poverty? In any case, except for the trauma of her father’s near death and her own imprisonment, she is unusually competent and calm. If she edges toward anything, it’s probably Freeze-Flight: she has a pronounced capacity to become absorbed in fiction and ignore everything around her. When irritated by Gaston’s insulting and bullying proposal, she physically retreats entirely from the village in order to sing about how she wants to leave her poor provincial town for the great wide somewhere. She is fixated on escape, either mentally or physically.

Beast (dead parents, raised by servants who deferred to him rather than parenting him): Fight-Freeze. Hides in his castle; when encounters people is an ASSHOLE. Interestingly, Fight-Freeze types are notoriously hard to treat. Belle might have a future in psychotherapy if she can build better boundaries.

Aladdin (dead parents, has to eat to live, has to steal to eat, ostracized by his community, frequently threatened with death or maiming for theft): feels entirely different from the rest of the world. Flight. frequently in a state of frenetic energy, though a lot of that is because he’s stealing food and escaping the cops. His idea of a great date is to get Jasmine away from the palace: to escape and help her to do the same. intense feelings of shame and inferiority (despite his insistence that there’s so much more to him). He tries to hide from Jasmine the truth of his low-rank identity, though he does eventually recognize the need to tell her the truth.

Jasmine: surprisingly untraumatized (mostly just a healthy assertive), considering what she’s been through (dead mother, parentified child of a nice but absent-minded father who, judging from his looks, is closely related to Maurice; isolated from peers and almost everyone but her pet. I mean, there MUST be servants in the palace, but all you ever see are the guards...) She recognizes when people are treating her unfairly and says so, which makes her unusual among Disney heroes and heroines!

Simba (father died, was told it was his fault, was forced to leave home, almost died in the wilderness, subsequently raised by a couple of irresponsible weirdos): Flight. Literally runs away from his problems instead of facing them. Keeps himself busy with Timon and Pumbaa in order to occupy his mind.

Pocahontas: Non-traumatized! (Dead mother, but strong emotional connection with father and strong emotional support system in her community. Not to mention a maternal figure in the shape of a talking tree in whom she can confide.) DOES feel different from everyone else in her community, though. (Are you sensing a theme?)

John Smith (father died when Smith was 16, he left home, went to sea, served as a mercenary, engaged in piracy, fought the Ottomans): Flight. Constantly on the move: seeing new places, meeting new people, and killing them. Overachiever. Can’t sit still in England. However, he does have some healthy assertive skills and is able to stand up to people in power.

Quasimodo (holy emotional abuse, Batman!): Freeze. Taught that the outside world is cruel and wicked and that he can only be safe inside the cathedral. Daydreams to the point where he almost believes the gargoyles come alive and talk to him. Manages to overcome his Freeze instincts to save Esmerelda.

Esmerelda: Not traumatized, despite apparent lack of living parents and her position as an oppressed social minority. Probably the result of loving parenting while they were alive and strong community support from the rest of the Roma of Paris. Another heroine with healthy assertive traits!

Phoebus: Not apparently currently suffering from traumatic stress (though may have had periods of it in the past: he’s a crusader, after all). Surprisingly well-adjusted.

Hercules (kidnapped at a very young age and taken away from a one life to be placed in another, ENTIRELY different life. Despite strong emotional support from adoptive parents, has been rejected and bullied by his community. Feels he is entirely different from everybody else [I mean, he kind of is]): Flight. Yes, that’s right, flight, not fight. Hercules may be a “fighter” but he is a SUPER non-aggressive guy. Gentleness embodied. Feels he has to achieve something huge in order to be worthy of love and affection from the world (and especially from his divine father, who has literally told him that he has to earn his way back to Olypus by becoming a True Hero). Tendency toward despair when the people whose love and affection he thought he had (Phil and Megara) abandon and betray him. Eventually earns everybody’s love and affection--which is not the greatest lesson ever. Shouldn’t Disney be teaching us that we deserve love even if we never become heroes?

Megara (super traumatic history): Fawn-Fight. Puts the good of the people she loves WAY before her own, to an unhealthy level (sacrifices her own soul in order to save a man, who then abandons her). Seems sarcastic and rough, but heart of gold underneath. Acts like she’s superior, but actually feels enormous guilt and shame, with low self-esteem. Won’t say she’s in love.

Mulan (inconsistent expectations from her family and community. Sometimes her family supports who she is, defends her, and puts up with her unusual behavior; at other times they join with her community in criticizing her [lightly if frequently]. They apparently did not teach her society’s gender roles but then expects her to abide by them in public): she feels entirely different from everybody else and that she has to prove herself. Doesn’t know who she is inside. CANNOT behave the way she has been taught she should; is clearly triggered by a criticism from her father. Flight. Seems almost hyperactive, can’t keep silent when her society tells her she should. Driven to act and to succeed in order to prove her worth and bring honor to her family. Again, EARNS everybody’s love and respect in the end.

Shang: Possible inferiority issues from his relationship with her father. Not enough data.

Mushu (constant criticism; scapegoated by the ancestors): Flight. Has channeled this coping mechanism into ADHD (and humor). Feels the need to prove he is worthy of his spot (I mean, the ancestors TOLD him he did...)

Tarzan (storm and fire killed everyone around him in his infancy; parents had to resettle entirely alone in an alien land; parents were brutally killed right in front of him; he was nearly killed and eaten twice by a leopard; adopted by nonhuman animals; rejected by father figure and much of his nonhuman community): Realistically, I WOULD say that Tarzan should not be able to learn to SPEAK, since he doesn’t appear to have acquired language until his mid to late twenties. However, the film makes clear that the gorillas have a complex spoken language that can convey complicated thoughts like, “Jane will stay with Tarzan”. Feels entirely different from the rest of his community (he is). Scapegoated and constantly criticized for being different. I genuinely don’t know what his style is. lol

The elephant in tarzan: It’s been too long since I’ve seen this film, somebody do this one lol

Cuzco (dead parents, running an empire in his early twenties, nobody has apparently ever taught him limits, appears to have a very emotionally isolated life): Fawn-Fight. Extremely narcissistic, though his character development reveals that he does have a conscience underneath there somewhere. Charming but highly self-centered. Good with words and fast-talking, so may be Flight or gifted. Behavior improves quickly and immensely when provided with the emotional support (and healthy boundaries) of an ersatz family.

Lilo (loss of both parents; being parented by a highly stressed and very young adult who is struggling with poverty and her own trauma): Flight. Gifted, imaginative, ADHD, constantly into everything, constantly in trouble. Sometimes slides into Fight with defiant behavior.

Nani (loss of parents, pressure of having to parent her little sister and provide income for both of them at a very young age): Fight. Her temper gets the better of her when she’s upset, but she’s really trying.

Marlin (loss of his wife and all his children but one): Freeze. Constantly hiding from the perceived dangers of the world and trying to teach his son to do the same. Very nurturing of his child, despite his difficulty overcoming his own trauma. Considering he is a Freeze type, going on a big journey to save his son demonstrates ENORMOUS bravery.

Dori (???): Flight-Freeze. ADHD, constantly on the move, can’t sit still, just keeps swimming, just keeps swimming, swimming, swimming. I include Freeze because her difficulties with her memories may be a dissociative effect of trauma, and dissociation falls under Freeze.

Tiana (loss of beloved father, poverty, traumatizing lifelong experience of systemic racism, somewhat ameliorated by loving and supportive mother): Flight. The classic driven, achievement-obsessed workaholic. Always seems to only be halfway there. Fate helps her overcome these tendencies by forcing her to fail in her quest to become human again (and therefore to open her restaurant), though she actually does succeed soon after anyway. Actually, DID she overcome these tendencies? Like, she toned it down enough to maintain an apparently lasting romantic relationship, but she might still be a workaholic...

Naveen (highly critical parents): Flight. Constantly traveling care-for-nothing that can’t seem to stick to anything. Deep down has low self-esteem about his lack of achievement and how he can’t seem to please his parents. Demonstrates some symptoms of ADD or ADHD. Tiana and Naveen demonstrate how “Flight” behaviors can results in two very different character types!

Rapunzel (holy shit: kidnapped in infancy and raised by a woman who is demonstrably emotionally abusive and negligent and literally is only keeping her alive for her hair. Imprisoned in a tower almost entirely without company her ENTIRE LIFE. Demonstrates painful mood swings between delight and horrific guilt when she finally escapes for the first time. I seriously wonder how long her mental recovery took after Mother Gothel’s death...): Flight-Fawn. Overachiever, constantly doing EVERYTHING, EXTREMELY QUICKLY (cleans the entire place top-to-bottom between 7:00 and 7:15 AM). Literally runs away. Makes friends immediately with almost everybody she meets, including a gang of hardened, violent criminals. Wants desperately to be loved, but believes very quickly that Eugene doesn’t like her after all and has abandoned her. Note that it is not Rapunzel that kills Mother Gothel but Pascal. Rapunzel is so emotionally traumatized that she probably could never bring herself to “betray” Gothel in any real way.

Eugene Fitzherbert (orphaned; raised in an institutional setting, which is notoriously traumatizing. Poverty, social rejection): Flight. Channels his immense energy into complicated and daring heists. Adrenaline junkie. He thinks he wants to rest on a deserted island with an enormous pile of money, but I can guarantee that he would get antsy after a week (at most) and go back to his life of crime in order to distract himself from his pain.

Merida (was in a life-endangering encounter with a bear as a young child; her father was maimed. Has emotional support from her father, but her mother--primary caregiver, especially of a daughter--is highly critical): Flight. Tons of energy, adrenaline junkie, climbs a frickin WATERFALL, overachiever in her chosen hobbies. Greatly dislikes quiet pursuits like embroidery, possibly because they leave too much time for contemplation, and she needs more distraction.

Elsa (almost killed her beloved younger sister by accident, treated by her parents as dangerous and frightening, almost entirely isolated for most of her life): Freeze (HAHA) and Flight. Has been taught to retreat alone from a world that will reject her. Experiences enormous shame and guilt for herself, her gifts, and how dangerous she can be. Classic perfectionist. Attempts to protect herself and others by shutting down all emotions. When she fails, she literally runs away to live entirely alone forever to escape the storm of the rest of the world, because the cold of isolation “never bothered her anyway” (an obvious lie she has taught herself). “Let It Go” sounds like an anthem of freedom, but Elsa is actually literally running from her problems and from any human connection.

Anna (almost died as a small child, which she doesn’t directly remember, but may still cause her traumatic reactions. her beloved older sister SUDDENLY refused even to SEE her, and her parents wouldn’t talk about it, so she probably felt in some obscure way that there was something wrong with HER,  that it was all her fault. Then isolated almost entirely in the palace, and certainly isolated from other children, followed by the death of her parents and the CONTINUED isolation from her sister and anybody other than servants): flight-fawn. she seems possibly a little ADD, a little hyperactive (rides her bike around the halls), impulsive. VERY friendly and sweet to almost everybody she meets, desperate to make friends. Dreams of being rescued through marriage to a prince that she loves at first sight. Desperate to be loved.

Moana: probably NOT traumatized, for the most part. She DOES feel entirely different from everybody else (”what is wrong with me?”) because her instinctive love of the ocean has been criticized and squelched by her father and her society. However, despite her father’s clear struggle with his own trauma from the survivor’s guilt of his best friend’s drowning, this is one of the healthier families/societies we see in Disney! The silence around the death of Chief Tui’s best friend is meant to be kind, but I think Tui probably needs to talk it out more, and while I understand why they didn’t tell Moana about it as a young child, I feel like she SHOULD have been told before her father’s reactions to her hurt her own self-image: he’s actually just projecting his own guilt onto the daughter who is so much like him. She is less traumatized than she might otherwise be because she has both her mother, and especially her grandmother, to confide in. If Moana has a trauma style, I would say it’s Flight: she’s an overachiever who is constantly rushing from one task, one way to help, to another. In a deleted song, she also talks about walking around the island so much that she knows exactly how many steps it is to the ocean. She always wants to get away. All of this is classic Flight. Chief Tui is Fight. he’s not aggressive, but he IS controlling.

Maui (Most of the trauma in this film comes from Maui. he was abandoned as a baby, and probably almost died. grew up with the knowledge that he was not wanted by his parents. grew up away from human society): Flight-Fawn. Has spent the rest of his life trying to earn acceptance, love, and gratitude from humans. Constantly does crazy and death-defying tasks to try to win them over., but It never brings him true fulfillment. He clearly DESPERATELY wants to be recognized, celebrated, and loved for his achievements and his gifts, which makes him into a brash show-off.

#disney #long post is long #disney princesses

[domoz]

I read War of the Spark last night (yes all of it, all last night.... its like that when you get into a book sometimes)

Thoughts, musings, gripes and spoilers under the cut.

I feel like I should start off by saying that I really liked the book. Like, enough to keep me reading through to 7 am kinda.... but it... suffers quite a few issues.

 I have always been very negative on how theyve handled releasing their stories for mtg. One would think that if they’re changing how the story is gonna be released from online to book form they would give a little more context in what the hell is going for people who are just jumping in here, but it feels like everything the gatewatch has ever been involved in is required reading to get a picture of whats going on.That and the fact that so much of what the hell is going on depends on stuff that happened in a prologue that hasn’t even been released yet. And when they do exposit its just ‘oh heres a summary of what happened, moving on’. Not super engaging. 

Yeah... Kaya (who... I don’t even know much about but shes a main character in this) and Ral and Vraska and Lavnia and some other character i dont even remember the name of were all buds and then shit went down and blah blah. Why didn’t they include that in the book? Why did they decide to go the route of making the book very confusing and spoiling the future story that has yet to be released?? its such a puzzling decision and i hate it.

The story itself was uh... very much an avengers/smash bros “everyone is here!” situation ... to the point where its not clear whos supposed to be important? like the gatewatch is, and the people in named chapters are but they make a big deal about kiora showing up and she’s mentioned once. Meanwhile Angrath gets a bunch of scenes and basically does nothing with them besides fight some zombies.

I dunno, if youre wondering if you should read it, wait until this prologue thing comes out in june and hopefully you'll be a little less lost then i was when reading it.

It does really feel like just a story you read to see what the gatewatch and your faves are doing. But you know, if you like tamiyo or tibalt then too bad youre out of luck. 

I got lucky in that a lot of mine were IN, so.... reactions on that (more heavy spoilers):

Ral - I am ... so happy with him in this. He written SO much better than he was in the original ravnica novels, he turns out not to be a villain like I was worried about but hes still kinda the bastard we love. Also he has a boyfriend? Its like.. a major sort of plot point but not really explained because its in that fucking prologue i assume. He seems nice though.

Lavnia - powerful , all of her drama, is not explained at all within the book itself.

Vraska - She also suffers from “everything important in my character arc happened in a story thats not out yet” syndrome. But shes still vraska, who I adore and shes in the story. And she and Jace hook up at the end which considering that Ixalan was actually well written and made that seem Good for both of them, I’m fine with.

Sarkhan - I dont even think his story will be covered much in this unreleased prologue but hes like... not evil or mind controlled by bolas now and hes works with ugin instead (which i also dont trust but at least he doesn’t make him lose his mind). Ugins little quip at the end about “you must have done something to make him very mad was... real good. I hope he gets a little chance to be redeemed and be less an asshole

Domri - i always kinda knew that the way i had him in my head probably didn’t line up much with wizards canon. but uh... awfully bold of wizards to go “here’s the youngest planeswalker! he’s like 16! lets kill him brutally!” They didn’t really make it clear in the text that hes like... very young (younger than Teyo) and his stupid actions are probably the result of being a dumb teen, so he just comes off like an asshole.

Teyo - new, obviously meant to be an audience surrogate but he has a crush on a girl named rat and hes trying so hard so I like him.

Niv Mizzet - horrid bastard man who i love. if he messes up ravnica i will destroy him.

Honorable shutout to Ob Nixilis for being just the right amount of villianous asshole, and to Dack Fayden (who i did not care about before because again with how they release stuff... i dont even know how to get a hold of the comics/books hes in) who got a lot of the book time being built up as someone who was getting willing to actually help and be a hero and then just fuckin dies.

Also honorable shout out to Maree, Arlinn and Narset who didn’t do much but were at least mentioned.

As for some less favorite moments:

Nissa comes back to do nothing but destroy vitu-gazi. (And then profess her love for chandra which i think does make it worth it in the end, so). But does anyone feel like they don’t know what to do with mono green characters? garruk is just fucking Gone, Nissa only just showed back up and viven was similarly not super relevant except to say to people that Nicol Bolas is Real Bad Guys!

Lilliana just spent the whole story going “i can’t betray bolas or ill die so i wont but i hate him :)”, and then when she decides that she actually would rather die than have him win and maybe redeem herself gideon takes the bullet for her. It was made clear that shes Genuinely Upset about but ... with her its too little too late all the time. At the very least she’ll probably be dealt with soon-ish? 

And gideon... I kinda went into it expecting that someone in the gatewatch would die, either him or jace. There were all sorts of ways they could have just as easily not killed him but they decided to do it so they wanted him written out for.. some reason? Like I said, at least Lilli feels bad about it, not that it will stop her from doing future villainous things.

They seeded their future villains a little obviously (3 of them being literally named dropped at the end of the book and Ob literally doing an evil laugh and leaving as soon as he got the chance) but I think it’ll be nice to not have a “one big evil villain is responsible for everything bad that ever happens ever” scenario for a little while.

#mtg blog for mtg things #war of the spark

[honeylikewords]

hi frond! can I get a sweet frank helping his love with her heart condition- postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome? complete artistic freedom- write whatever makes you happy :D thank you! I love you!

I’m soooo sorry to be getting to this so late; this work is a birthday present for you and I’m terribly sorry I missed the normal gift-giving window! But it’s here now and I hope its content makes up for the elapsed time!

I wish you a very happy belated birthday and I hope this work is a gift with enough smidgens of goodness to count as a birthday gift for a beloved friend!

For Frank, he’d first want to know basic, layman’s explanations of the diagnosis. When he hears “heart condition”, he has a little internal panic, thinking that things might be already headed down the dark road. He isn’t prepared to lose someone again, not someone he loves... 

But once he hears the extent of the diagnosis, the explanation, and the reassurance that the condition normally isn’t fatal, but certainly an impediment in a person’s life, he feels a lot calmer. Sad, obviously, that someone he cares for is suffering, but he is reassured that he doesn’t have to be scared that things are going to spin out of hand. 75% of cases are manageable, it’s said, and that statistic calms Frank.

Still, his soul aches to know that there is a persistent, chronic struggle happening every day with his beloved, and it’s nothing that he can personally intervene and fix on her behalf. It saddens him, frustrates him.

That being said, Frank is ery sympathetic to her situation, but he isn’t too much of a hovery kind of guy. He tries to be as helpful as possible-- supporting her if she starts to get dizzy, making sure she’s taking her time between changing postures, et cetera-- but he also realizes there’s only so much he can do. It’s a persistent condition, and not anything he can really interfere with. All he can do is be helpful when the situation calls for it, and otherwise understand that he has no control over what happens. He can only be present and useful in his own particular capacity.

The severity of the case would also likely influence his behavior; since many people are able to continue normal, though still slightly impeded lives with it, if their case is mild, he might want to not seem too hasty and instead allow her to behave and progress like anyone else. It would bother him immensely to seem patronizing or babying, especially since he knows that she’s a capable person with or without him.

But if her particular condition is more severe and more intense, he may be more prone to worrying (in his own surly, “I don’t get scared, I’m too tough for that” way), being more firm about not wanting her to stress herself or do things that he can do for her. He feels bad-- he really values the idea of independence and self-sufficiency in relationships, because people should be allowed to remain as individuals, even if they’re together, and he doesn’t like feeling as though he’s stealing some of her autonomy for the sake of his own ego-- but he’s also a protective kind of man, and he sometimes equates protection with “doing whatever it takes to make sure my loved ones are safe, even if they hate me for it”.

There will probably have to come a discussion about what she is and is not capable of or comfortable with, and the whole time Frank will be listening and processing, but nevertheless feeling sheepish and shy. All he wants to do is help and be a safe haven for someone he loves, and knowing that this thing is out of his control frustrates him, makes him feel small. It’ll have to be worked out over time, in a series of conversations, each reminding the other that, yes, they love each other and, yes, that comes with sacrifices, but that no one has to be a martyr to make it work.

Heart conditions are scary, but that doesn’t mean they’re impossible to work around. And, yes, Frank feels angry and frustrated and powerless, sometimes, but he also realizes that there is only so much he can do. No one’s to blame, no one’s to punish, no one’s to be held accountable. It’s just biology, just genetics, just unfortunate fate. He has to learn to get over that frustration and just be there to be supportive and kind.

As for specific behaviors, I imagine that Frank would just be a little quick to jump out of bed in the morning, as she’s waking up, to sort of stand nearby as a support in case she needs help with the transition from laying to sitting to standing, et cetera. He’d advise her to move slow, using his soft, slightly gravelly voice, and put his hand on her shoulders to make sure she knows she’s going to be alright.

He’d also be wary of doing too many strenuous activities and doesn’t tend to invite her along for his workouts; it’s not that he doesn’t want her there (he’d love the company), but it’s just because he works out so hard and so intensely and he knows that people tend to try and match the intensity of those around them in exercise environments, so… he doesn’t want to be the one instigating her to go that hard. She has to pace herself and do things slowly, and he’s not blockheaded enough to flaunt his health and stamina over hers. That’d be a dick move, and while Frank is an asshole, sometimes, he’d never intentionally do something like that.

He’d probably also tend to walk places with his hand on the small of her back as a slight support, but also in case she wobbles or gets dizzy, he’ll be close enough to catch her. If she starts to fall, he’ll be right there with his arms, strong and sturdy and reliable.

For Frank, he just wants to be there, to shield her from harm, and it makes him frustrated that the harm is already done and already internal, meaning there’s nothing he can do to stop it from running its course. But he also is aware that he should just be grateful for her presence in his life, and that no matter what, come hell or high water or hasty heartbeats, he’s gonna be there, trusty and true, because love is about working with what we have and caring for it, regardless of difficulty.

Love is the choice to help and lift another person up without expecting anything in return, and Frank is a man characterized by his love. So though he frets, deep down inside, that he cannot help her, he will still try to, and give it his all, because at the end of the day, that’s all anyone can do. Be present, be kind, be caring.

#messages #frank castle #medical /?? #death mention ??? #not sure how to tag this one lads.... but lmk if there's a tag that should be applied or a content warning that would be helpful! #kinda-chinese

[skyhelmwriter]

A Weird, Wild Journey

Below the cut is a long, possibly rambling discussion of my personal understanding of myself. It focuses primarily on how having one (1) prominent DifferenceTM made discovering and accepting the others more difficult.

I’ve always been weird. Hell, I’ve always been WeirdTM. And for a long time I thought the reason I didn’t feel the same as other penis-havers was a matter of the one big, glaring difference I had from everyone else I knew: I was autistic.

I was diagnosed at the age of seven with Asperger’s Syndrome, but these days I’d be described as “on the spectrum” and “high-functioning with obsessive tendencies.” And this made me different. In my life, I’ve met maybe three other people with the same diagnosis. It’s something that’s so uniquely my own that I thought it had to account for all the differences between me and other people who seemed otherwise identical to me.

I’m lucky to have a form of autism that allows me to understand my own symptoms and manage them consciously. I barely have to force myself to modulate my tone, make eye contact, or think about how other people feel, because I’ve independently arrived at the conclusion that those are good things to do (not useful, good. That’s an important distinction). I often tell people that I “brute forced” my way into empathy. I had to learn it, when other people simply do it.

Around the same time I was diagnosed, I made friends with someone. She was my first real friend, and she was a bit of tomboy. She could defend me better from the bullies (there weren’t many, but they were brutal) than I could defend myself. She called herself a tomboy, and I responded that I must be a tomgirl, because I was interested in many things it seemed only girls were interested in. She didn’t seem convinced, so I brought the conversation home to my parents.

My mother was also unconvinced. She seemed to think that I was just feeling different because I was...well not strong. That didn’t make me effeminate; it just made me different, and different was okay. I’d always been “sensitive,” but that was very literal. My sensory nerves literally took less input to activate.

So I dropped it. Because my parents knew better. Again, I was seven. They said that I shouldn’t talk like that because other boys might not take well to me if I didn’t act like a boy. So I acted like a boy, and I liked boy things, and I did boy things.

And as I grew up, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was different, but I already had this really convenient explanation for what it was that made me different. And everything that was different about me could be traced to it. My shitty handwriting came from a nervous disorder associated with ASD. My deep and unusual interest in various things came from the obsessive behaviors associated with ASD. My physical weakness came from my introversion (and my asthma), which was a symptom of ASD. My nerves, my strange bodily structure, my repetitive behavior, it was all because of my ASD, and so I lumped other strange feelings in with that, too.

I attended high school in what could politely be called a suburb. In reality, it was White Central. I say this to give you an idea of exactly how...Republican....you should expect general sentiments to be. It was widely thought by anyone in the student body that someone who supported, say, gay marriage (I went to high school in the late 00′s and early 10′s) must be gay themselves, because (and here I’m directly quoting students) “why would you care if you weren’t gay?”

Never mind that I was a minority as well. I wasn’t neurotypical. I could feel for people being discriminated against because I’d spent years convincing teacher after teacher that my shitty goddamned handwriting wasn’t something I could fucking help, and watching my grades suffer because they “couldn’t read” my writing (never mind that it was usually perfectly legible and they were just being assholes because it wasn’t pristine). Never mind that you ought to treat people decently regardless of how they differ from you.

And of course, I wasn’t gay. I was definitely attracted to girls. And I was socialized only to think about how I could be attracted to girls, because being attracted to guys was a good way to get the shit kicked out of you and I certainly didn’t want that. I was already a nerd. I was already weak. I was already shy. I was already in speech and debate. I didn’t need that, too.

And yet, there were signs. Almost all my friends were girls. And sure, I spent a lot of time with two or three specific guys, but that was because we’d hit it off in Latin Freshman year and boy was Latin an interesting class. I hung around with the theater kids (though I never actually took part, mostly because half of theater was musical I couldn’t sing for shit), and I did speech and debate (wherein my attraction to men in suits could be written off--even by other explicitly gay boys--as something brought on by charisma and fashion, not an innate desire to be with another guy.

Even still, by the time I graduated I was firmly in the Q section of the acronym. In part, this was because I found myself on tumblr for the first time in 2011-2012, and I learned about a whole world of identities and people I hadn’t realized existed, and I’d taken my first philosophy class and learned how to actually think about other people, and I’d taken a law class, so I understood the foundations of the social order. All this together had helped me understand that there was nothing wrong with the way I felt. I just had to figure out what it was that I felt.

And that was difficult to do. I’ve always been good at reflecting on my actions--too good actually; I have a tendency to brood over minor mistakes--but my own thoughts, my own feelings, those were more difficult for me to articulate. And besides, my feelings would be affected by my autism, right?

So I let it simmer. I bottled it all up and said “this isn’t something I need to focus on right now. I’m not even looking for a partner.” I went through a lot of stages in this regard in college, fluctuating in my articulation about my identity as unsure, straight, and bi seemingly at random, and never even thinking about my gender. Hell, I was so focused on my schoolwork that I forgot to properly take care of myself most of the time--my autism in action once more. How could I care about my gender when I didn’t even care about my appearance?

And then i graduated college, and I had a lot of time to think. And I didn’t spend much of it here, but before I got my first job, I was thoroughly out as Bi. I knew what I was, and I was proud to say it. I’d forced myself to look at all those instances that seemed like flukes or coincidences, and I realized they weren’t. They were indicative of a pattern, a pattern of attraction to men, and a pattern of attraction to women. I’d had to fight through not only my heteronormative socialization, but also my neurodivergent socialization, the part of me that said “hey! you’re already different enough! do you really need this?” And it wasn’t matter of need. The real question I had to ask was “is this really my experience?” and the answer was yes.

But I still didn’t feel right. A couple of my friends came out as trans, and I couldn’t have been happier for them. Living their lives as they saw themselves, they were happier, livelier, more productive people. And I remembered all those times I’d thought I didn’t quite feel like a guy, like a dude, like a boy. I remembered how my default posture included a popped hip, how I kept writing female characters.

I remembered how the first ever avatar I chose in a Pokemon game was the girl. How I always made female characters in games where I could make that choice. How I kept playing women in DnD.

But I knew I wasn’t trans. I didn’t experience dysphoria. I didn’t want to be a woman, at least not all the time. But sometimes, I definitely felt more effeminate. And others I wished my voice were deeper. Sometimes I didn’t mind when people called me “sir,” or said “he,” other times it didn’t feel right at all.

And once again I thought “aren’t you different enough?” and “couldn’t this all just be because you’re autistic?” I wondered whether I was reading too much into myself, if I might just be projecting other people’s thoughts onto my own. I’ve been wondering that for years.

But one thing is certain. My experiences are real. I have felt these ways. I can’t deny that. I won’t deny it. And now I have a word, a word the encapsulates the ways I’ve felt. Well, it’s three words. I’m an aromantic, genderfluid bisexual. And I’ll say all three of them loud and proud. Not just because it’s pride, but because I deserve to be comfortable with who I am. After all, it took me 24 years to figure it out. I’ve got to make up for lost time somehow.

#looooooong post #long post #gender #sexuality #autism #asd