#happy sunday everyone here's a sad sweaty man to start the day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

letterstotheflre · 3 years

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that’s the thing about illicit affairs

summary: james was never hers to lose.

warnings: CHEATING, age gap (not specified but reader is in her 20s), tiiiny angst?? i don’t think it’s sad lmao, allusions to sex and one miniature sex scene, some food mentions, and a very badly written argument.

word count: 3k (why are they always so long ffs)

a/n: my first james potter fic <3 i love this man so much, sorry for making you the bad guy here. this one’s been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks, and since i’ve been feeling kinda sad i finally got around to edit it. also hedric rights!!

They always meet like this.

The room is dark except for a small sea salt lamp she bought on sale from Target. Her clothes are piling up on the floor, discarded carelessly by her lover, and his are not too far from meeting the same fate.

He is kissing her hungrily as he could never get enough of her. His hands travel all over her back while she unbuttons his shirt, their lips never parting. He moves her to her bed, the sheets a pale green that reminds him of—

No. He closes his eyes tightly, pretends the green is actually blue like the lacy bralette that covers her breasts and moves his lips down to her jaw. He sucks and nips and bites, letting her moans echo freely between the four walls that make their little sanctuary.

Her hands quickly undo his belt and stroke him lightly through the fabric of his boxers. He groans against the junction of her neck, the skin softer than anything he’s touched in years.

He pushes her down on the bed, cupping her face while he looks at her properly, noting the tangled hair caused by his fingers. Her lips are puffy and shiny, his kisses being the perpetrator of their current state. He waits for her to say something, to give him a sign that this is okay.

(It’s not okay, and they both know it. It’ll never be okay.)

She nods her head, and he kneels in front of her, pushing her legs wide open before he dives in.

—

She is laying on her bed, the sheets covering her body as she watches him try to fix up his hair in front of the mirror on her makeshift vanity.

“Make sure no one sees you leave,” she says, “and put—”

“Put my hood up, I know,” he finishes the sentence for her. It’s not the first time they do this dance.

“Sirius and Remus are with Harry at home. I told them I was going for a run, so they won’t say anything if I show up all sweaty,” he adds, trying to fill the awkward silence.

She just nods her head, fingers playing with a loose thread on the edge of the sheet, pulling it a bit more every time she twists her index finger. He steps forward, then sits on her bed and traces her cheekbone with his knuckles. “You know I care about you, right?” he asks.

Her heart clenches, a heavy weight pressing down on her chest that makes it hard to breathe for a second. She lowers her eyes, refusing to stare at those hazel irises that started everything. “I know, James,” she assures quietly, looking at a picture of her and Harry that’s stuck to the wall just behind him.

James brushes back some stray hairs that are still stuck to her forehead, then presses a small kiss on the slightly sweaty skin. He gives her a tentative smile before heading to the door, and she only looks in his direction when she hears the click of the door.

(He might care, but not enough.)

—

Sundays are always a slightly awkward affair at first.

Both of their families have been friends for years, getting together every Sunday for lunch at the Potter’s. James and Sirius always man the grill with her dad, all of them wearing those corny ‘kiss the chef!’ aprons. Her mother helps Lily make the salads in the kitchen while they gossip with Remus, who steals a few tomatoes when they aren’t looking. Now that it’s summer, she and Harry splash each other in the pool instead of catching up in his room.

It’s always strange seeing James in the light of day, pretending that this is the only version of him she knows: the version of him that is a friend, a father, a husband.

But she knows the other version of him: the one that has her on her knees begging for a taste of him, the one that grips her hair while he pounds into her from behind, the one that lets his tongue explore places of her no one else has. The version of him that kisses her forehead and plays with her fingers while their bodies are tangled together under the sheets. The version of him that kisses her as if she were the only one made for him.

(She isn’t.)

They are sitting around the table eating. Sirius is laughing about something with his arm around Remus’s shoulders, his bark of laughter echoing across the garden. Her mother’s shoulders shake as Lily rolls her eyes in amusement. James and her father have gone back to the grill to bring everyone their second round of burgers, and she can hear her father complaining about something from work.

“Here y’go, kid,” says James as he places the plate in front of her before ruffling her hair. She tenses up for a second before relaxing, muttering a small “thank you” before reaching for the ketchup.

She hates that nickname. It’s so impersonal, keeps a distance between them that truly doesn’t exist. As if he isn’t the only person that can make her vision whiten and the colours of her room hazy while she clutches his shoulders. As if he isn’t the only person who can pull so many different sounds from her vocal cords, sounds he knows no one else has ever heard before because he is the only one who can create them.

She can feel Sirius’s eyes on her as she stretches one arm, so she hesitantly glances at him. He raises an eyebrow, eyes switching back and forth between James and her, and she can see the cogs turning in his mind.

She gulps anxiously, dismissing him with a wave of her hand and goes back to eating.

—

James’s moans are loud as he gathers her hair in a makeshift ponytail. His cock is buried in her throat, and he watches as she gags for a second before relaxing her throat.

She’s taking him so deep that her nose nuzzles his pubic hair, the musky scent of James filling her nose as she breathes deeply through it. She starts moving her head up and down, swirling her tongue around the tip every time she rises.

He is a mess above her, needy whines and wanton moans leaving his mouth. His hips thrust up softly, slowly fucking her mouth, and he relishes in the small choking sounds she makes. His head rolls back as he groans, “That’s it, baby, so good to me.”

She winces at the name and pulls away from him. “Don’t call me that,” she mutters, but her hands never stop stroking him. She takes him back into her mouth and starts sucking with a newfound fervour, his voice echoing inside her head as she tries to make him forget about her.

(She tries to forget too.)

—

Honey rays filter through her window.

They are both laying on her bed, James on his stomach while she refills the glasses with some cheap wine she got from the store. He looks at the tiny purple splotches on her neck and the red fingerprints on her hips, then smirks proudly. When she turns, she smiles at him softly.

There’s a summer breeze that ruffles her curtains, and he can hear some teenagers laughing as they walk down the street over the music that plays from her speaker.

She places her glass on her nightstand, her nipples brushing his naked back as she leans over him. She lays down on her side, her fingertips softly drawing shapes on his skin. It takes him a moment to realize they are not random shapes but letters.

Her name, written over his scattered freckles and connecting his moles with cursive loops.

He takes her hand and kisses it, slightly chapped lips pressing against her open palm. Then he kisses her lips, still bitterly sweet with grapes, as his tongue moves languidly against hers while he pulls her by the hand on top of him.

It feels like a distant memory. It feels like a dream.

—

The cacophony of different voices singing “Happy Birthday” rings in her ears.

Harry is at the front of the table, an adorable blush dusting his cheeks at the attention. On either side of him are James and Lily, smiles wide as they watch their son blow the candles. Cedric is behind him, hands on his shoulders, and he leans forward to give him a quick peck on the cheek.

She sings and claps, whooping with Sirius when Harry blows the last candle. She eats cake and drinks the pretty cocktails Lily ordered. She smiles and laughs, pretends she couldn’t see the way the candles made the golden band on James’s ring finger beam like the sun.

She pretends she doesn’t see the way James holds Lily’s waist before kissing her. She pretends she can’t see them dancing slowly to a song Remus put on the Spotify playlist as a joke.

She pretends she can’t hear his footsteps following her when she goes to the bathroom. She feigns disinterest when he grabs her wrist and pulls her towards a deserted corridor.

But she can’t ignore the butterflies in her stomach when he kisses her, the thrumming in her veins when he pushes one leg between her thighs, nor the pleasure-filled gasps and moans that leave her mouth when he helps her roll her hips along his covered thigh.

It’s thrilling; they’ve never done something like this in public, much less in such proximity to friends and family.

(In such proximity to her.)

Even though she knows it shouldn’t, it gives her a sense of victory. Because he is here with her now: he is kissing her, making her moan, and whispering dirty things in her ear.

A faraway call of his name breaks the spell they’re under. They pull away hastily; she fixes her dress while James makes sure there are no lipstick stains on his face. The footsteps are getting closer, heels hitting the floorboards at the same rhythm as their rapid beating hearts.

It’s Sirius.

James almost breathes a sigh of relief, but she remains tensed up. Sirius looks between them, the same look he had that Sunday all those weeks ago on his face, and she feels bile rising in her throat.

“Lily’s looking for you,” he says, his thumb pointing back over his shoulder towards the reception where everyone’s gathered.

“Right,” says James. “Better go see what she needs. You do not want to see an angry drunk Lily.” He laughs, almost oblivious to the awkward tension between his two friends. He goes back to Lily, leaving her leaning against the wall and Sirius standing in the middle of the hallway.

Sirius looks at her, and even though his mind already knows, he refuses to believe it. “I didn’t know where the bathroom was,” she offers as an explanation. It’s a flimsy excuse, she knows that, but it’s the best she can do under this kind of pressure.

“Right,” he whispers with a short nod, then follows James.

She stays rooted to her spot, lips tingling with the ghost of James touch and a guilty mind.

—

Hours later, she clings to a pillow as she lays on her bed alone. The same pillow James was resting on less than twelve hours ago.

She breathes in deeply, trying to catch any scent of him she can, but there’s only the scent of her fabric softener.

There’s no James. No citrus shampoo or woodsy cologne nor salty air from the beach near his house. Because he never wears any cologne when he comes to her, ensuring that there’s no trace of him once he leaves.

Like he doesn’t even exist.

—

It ends in a parking lot a month later.

She was waiting for Luna to arrive at the mall but ended up asking for a rain check when James texted her, saying they needed to talk.

‘Meet me behind the mall’, she texts him.

She walks to the back of the building and waits for his red car to show up. She already knows where this conversation is going to go, and her heart shatters at the thought of saying goodbye to him.

She raises her head when she hears a honk in front of her, and she gets in while whispering a small “hey”. He doesn’t start the car again, just settles for turning the ignition key off. She looks at the families leaving the mall through the tinted window, refusing to look at him, as her knee bounces up and down anxiously.

The silence is heavy, and she suddenly feels cold in the August heat.

James takes a deep breath, “We can’t keep doing this.”

She can’t help the snarky comment. “That’s not what you were saying yesterday while you had your fingers buried inside me.” He looks at her unimpressed, and she rolls her eyes.

“It’s wrong,” he says— as if she doesn’t already know that. “C’mon, baby, don’t make this harder than it has to—”

“I told you not to call me that!” she raises her voice, and the car gets silent again. She hates the tears that gather in her eyes, hates that she cares so much about him and their stupid game, but she couldn’t help it. Not when he whispered so many sweet nothings in her ears and caressed her skin so softly, almost afraid to break him if he was too rough.

(Not that he cared about that when he stretched her wide open and thrust so hard into her that the bed frame banged against the wall.)

“You can’t just show up here and tell me it’s over like you weren’t the one that came to me first,” she jeers, and she can see the tick of his jaw as he clenches it. Good, she thinks, make him angry.

“Don’t just blame me. You didn’t say ‘no’ once.” He grounds out, “In fact, I can recall you were begging me to fuck you against the wall.”

Her cheeks turn into a small fire, a slight feeling of shame overcoming her. “Oh, like you were any better!” she exclaims. “‘Been thinking about you for months.’ ‘You have no idea the things you do to me.’ ‘No one can suck my cock like you.’ ‘I care about you!’” She deepens her voice to mock him.

James opens his mouth to keep the ball rolling, and she wants him to do it because it meant that the fight was still on, that they wouldn’t have to end this. Instead, he takes a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m telling you now it’s over. Stop acting like a kid who didn’t get her Christmas present,” he says, knowing exactly what he is doing with those words.

“I’m not a kid,” she snaps, her eyes fighting back angry teats at his dismissal. “Then stop acting like one,” he shrugs.

Her hands turn into fists, nails digging themselves into her palms as she tries to keep her anger at bay. “Do you know how much of myself I gave to you? How many plans with my friends have I cancelled in case you called? How many guys I stopped seeing because they weren’t you?” she rants, her voice increasing in volume as she lets her frustration take over. Then, she pauses. “You’ve ruined me, James.”

Her voice is so pained that it makes his heart clench, and he lowers his head, refusing to look at her. He knows, God, he knows what he’s done, but he couldn’t help it. He had been so lonely with Lily spending so much time at the hospital, and then there she was with her caring and understanding nature. With her adorable laughs and those touches that were so addictive, a mercurial high that gave him the lowest lows whenever he tried to stop.

He keeps his mouth shut; there’s nothing left to say anyway, and it’s better for her to hate him rather than anything else. “You are not going to say anything?” It’s meek, vulnerable, and she wants to slap herself for acting this way. She knew it would never last, that he would always choose her.

He was never hers to lose, so why is she still fighting?

She nods her head in surrender, biting her lip to stop herself from sobbing. The anger now gave way to sadness, “I can’t believe I let you make a fool of me.” Her voice is hoarse, a result of the lump in her throat that prevents her from swallowing comfortably.

She gets out of the car and slams the door shut, then leaves the parking lot, leaving him behind. She keeps walking, fingers gripping the straps of her bag until she reaches an empty street.

The golden sun is ready to dip on the horizon, and she can hear James’s car speeding behind her.

—

She doesn’t let the tears fall until she’s inside her apartment.

The moment she closed the door, she crumbled to her knees, loud sobs falling from her mouth and fat tears rolling down her cheeks. It takes her a moment to gather enough strength to walk to her room.

She cries and cries, buries her face in her pillows and starts sobbing even harder because she can smell him. The salty scent and citrus shampoo finally embedded themselves in the fabric, and she can’t believe that after all those days she craved to feel him close to her, he chooses now to leave a trace behind.

She cries for hours until her eyes are puffy and red, and snot comes out of her nose. Her chest heaves with short breaths that don’t really fill her lungs as she clings to that damn pillow before throwing it across the room. She can’t believe it ended like this: with her completely broken for anyone else while James gets to go back to his life and act like nothing ever happened.

Yet she knows that if she had to choose, she would do it all over again because if she had to choose someone to be her ruination, she would choose James Potter a million times.

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nicka-nell · 4 years

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I'm Kiyoomi Sakusa and I'm a germaphobe - Chapter 27: I don't want this

Words: 1.673 Warning: none

Chapter 26 - I will not fail | Masterlist

(y/n) = your name | (l/n) = last name | (e/c) = eye colour | (h/c) = hair colour

Before they know it, it is already almost lighter outside, when they decide to go slowly to bed. (y/n) offers Atsumu to sleep on the sofa, and to get some rest before he goes home. He accepts her offer and lies down on the sofa. The next day, (y/n) gets ready and goes to the living room to wake Atsumu. In the time he freshens up, (y/n) prepares a small breakfast and calls Kaede and Atsumu to the dinner table. “When do you have to go to your shift?" Atsumu asks her, when he empties his plate. “In thirty minutes." She answers him briefly and looks at him questioningly. “Okay. I’ll go and change at home. Can I visit Kiyoomi today?" Thoughtful and somewhat worried, he looks at her and hopes for a positive answer. Nodding, she smiles at him. “Of course. I think he’ll be asleep, but I’m sure he’ll be happy to see his friends." Shortly before (y/n) leaves the house with Atsumu and wants to go in a different direction than he does, he calls for her again. Surprised, she turns around and looks at the man in front of her. “Listen, do you feel like going to Osamus' place with us on Saturday at 9:00...? Hinata and Bokuto are also there. If you want, you can take your brother with you." A meal with everyone? Then there’s also the fact that she’s seeing her best friend again? How can she say no? “I need to see what my shift looks like on Saturday. I’ll let you know when you visit Kiyoomi today." she smiles joyfully and says goodbye with a wave of her hand. When she arrives at the hospital, she looks for Kiyoomi after welcoming her colleagues. His eyes are still closed. However, he looks like he’s just sleeping. She quietly leaves the hospital room and goes to work and treats her first patients. Somehow the day is slow. Again and again she looks at the clock and waits for her break to finally begin. Shortly before her break she goes to Kiyoomi again and looks at him sad. Just as she wants to bend forward to give him a kiss on the hairline, she hears the door slowly opened, and shies backwards. As he had promised, Atsumu changed at home and then informed his friends about Kiyoomis accident. Hinata, Bokuto and Komori will also come later. But at the moment only (y/n) and Atsumu are in his hospital room. “Hello, (l/n)-sensei. Please treat me like this. Every time I see you, my heart hurts with love." Atsumu sarcastically greets her and sits down next to Kiyoomi in a chair. “There’s that idiot from the party again. Did I miss this guy." She hisses smiling and gives him a slap on the back of the head. - That annoying voice... the voice sounds so familiar. But that other voice... this tender laughter, it makes his heart beat faster. But why are they so loud? Why does he hear these voices? And why does his whole body hurt? He opens his eyes a tiny gap and sees a white room blurred in front of him. “And do you have time for our secret date on Saturday?" he hears the sarcastic voice of his setter. Atsumu? What is he doing here? Or rather, where is he? He asks himself. “Yeah, that looks good. My shift on Saturday is only till four and I don’t have to work on Sunday. That means we can turn night into day." Now Kiyoomi hears the voice he likes most. But her words do not fit her. Why would she want to meet with Atsumu? What’s going on here? He tries hard to open his eyes one more piece until he sees (y/n) and Atsumu in front of him. They really are and (y/n) wears her doctor’s coat. Nor is the room his. The bed is not as comfortable as his and the clinical scent is in the air. Why is he in the hospital? - When (y/n) sees Kiyoomi’s slightly open eyes, she approaches him and takes his hands in hers. “Kiyoomi! You’re awake!" her worried voice enter to him. “You had an accident. Do you remember that?" she asks him. What kind of accident? He can’t remember anything. All he knows is how he left her house and that her brother told him something. But he doesn’t even remember what her brother said to him. It was about (y/n). But that’s all he knows. Shaking his head, he tries to straighten up, but (y/n) and Atsumu push him down again. “Omi-kun, you look really bad. Get some rest. Bokuto, Hinata and Komori will be here soon. They all want to see you. What the hell are you doing with your life?" Worried again, Atsumu looks at his friend. Why do they want to see him? Are they all really worried about him? “On a scale of one to ten, what is your pain?" (y/n)’s voice is ringing again. He’s in pain, but strangely enough, the area on his chest hurts more than all the wounds or his ribs. His chest started to hurt when he heard (y/n)’s promise to go on a date with Atsumu. “Three...", he answers only narrowly and wants to close his eyes again. “This is a good. That’s really good, Kiyoomi. Maybe you can get out faster than you thought.” Relieved (y/n)'s shoulders lowered, as she staggers through an announcement and looks up at a small device. “(y/n) (l/n) to Treatment Room 207" rings an announcement with Wakami’s voice. Right, she has a few more patients. She hastily bids farewell to the two men and leaves the room. Both men look after her when Atsumu turns around again first. “Man, you’re such an idiot. She’s a sweetie, and eventually someone’s gonna snatch her away. Believe me." Atsumu sighs slowly. “Just like you?" he mumbles to himself so that only he can hear it. Why is he suddenly so mad at his friend? He told (y/n) to leave him alone. So she can date anyone she wants to date. But why did it have to be the dog Atsumu? “Kiyoomi... I’m really sorry. So what happened to you. If you need any help at your house or anywhere else, let me know. I try to help you." Atsumu thoughtfully supports his elbows against his thighs and looks at the black-haired man in front of him. “Thank you..." is the only thing he can answer. Because he has no reason to be mad at his friend. - By now, the week is almost over and (y/n) has actually never managed to visit Kiyoomi in his hospital room. Her days were too stressful and every time she came to his room to see him, to talk to him, he was not there, but he was with one or two sisters. And when she went to visit him yesterday, Wakami told her that he had already left the hospital. Completely surprised that she did not receive any information about this, even though he had been operated on by her, her mood had deteriorated for the rest of the day. But she doesn’t have much time to think about it, because today she has made an appointment with Atsumu and his gang and wants to finally eat the famous Miya Onigiri again with her best friend Osamu. With his hands in his trouser pockets and his typical sweaty grin, Atsumu is already waiting for (y/n) in front of the clinic. “Well, ready to go my pretty?" He still greets her with raised corners. Laughing, she stretches out her tongue and just wants to hug him in greeting when a voice stops her. “Don’t do that!" (y/n) shudders and looks down the stairs at a person so familiar to her. “Kiyoomi?”, she asks in amazement. With an inexplicable facial expression he looks back and forth between her and Atsumu, but then stays with her with his gaze. “Why...why are you dating Atsumu?" he asks, and before she can answer him, he goes up the stairs and stands now only a few centimeters in front of her. “I don’t want this. I don’t want his hands on your body. I don’t want you to date him." It’s coming out of him. Now completely irritated, she looks at him with her mouth open. “Why... Why shouldn’t I meet with him...? Why don’t you want that?" She wants to know from him. Why doesn’t he want it? He doesn’t know exactly. His heart aches in her presence, he only has to think of her, he wants to feel her closeness. Others might call that love? Is it the same with him? Love? “Why Kiyoomi?" she asks again because he gave her no answer. But he still looks at her with his raven-black eyes and does not look at Atsumu for a second. “I just don’t want it." he repeats himself and grabs her by the wrist. He doesn’t care if she disinfected her hands before, he doesn’t care if she touched something that’s full of bacteria. It doesn’t bother him. He just wants to pull her away from Atsumu. “Hey, wait, Kiyoomi!" (y/n) calls after him as he pulls her down the stairs. Apologetically, she looks back at Atsumu, but he only looks at her with a warm smile unknown to her until now. “Next time then.” he calls to her and turns to leave. If he planned all this? “Kiyoomi wait! Where are we going?" He still pulls (y/n) after him when her questioning voice makes him answer her. “To me at home."

Chapter 28 - Other call it love

Taglist: @kara-grayson04 @suna-allie @pleasemelafook-outta-ere

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pookapics · 5 years

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1940′s!Bucky x Reader - When love must die

(YN) : your name (LN) : last name (NN): nickname (HC) : hair colour (HL): hair length (EC) : eye colour (FC): favourite colour

Bucky Barnes x Reader - When love must die

*(Written before Endgame’s release)*

Warnings : Angst & Slightly Sexual Content and NO SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME (Don’t you guys fret)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ June 4th 1943 Your POV You’d moved over here during the war to escape the war torn England, your small apartment in Finsbury Park back in London now long forgotten as you stood in the booming city of New York. There you stood, waiting for your beau to arrive. For you see, you’d been walking down the dodgy area of Brooklyn when you first arrived in the states, you got jumped to which you tried to defend yourself till the man got punched in the nose by a tall, dark and somewhat handsome figure. James Buchanan Barnes, his knuckles stained red from the man’s now bleeding nose, you held your suitcase close to you as Bucky and his minuscule friend, Steve fought off the attacker who soon scuttled off. And of course, Bucky being a gentleman took you to a diner for something to drink, seeing that you were visibly shaken. And ever since then, it was you and Buck. Well. And Steve of course. You three were inseparable really, but of course you were the closest to Buck. Bucky treated you like a princess whenever he could, whenever he wasn’t teaching Steve how to fight down at Goldie’s Boxing Gym, he would be taking you out dancing. Swinging you around and dancing to the latest tunes, you’d never met a guy like Bucky before ever in your life and you were sure you’d never meet anyone just as special as he was.

Suddenly you felt a pair of hands cover your eyes, they were warm and slightly sweaty, you then heard the smooth and silky voice of your beau “Guess who, doll?” You could almost feel him grinning behind you, like a cat who got the cream “Hmm I wonder~ Oh wherever could my loverboy be?” You faked the impression of a damsel in distress before removing his hands from over your eyes “Its good to see you, Buck.” you leant up to peck his cheek, his hands wrapped around your waist lovingly. You wrapped your arms around his neck “So what’s the plan for tonight, hotshot?” You asked, Bucky never told you about what he had planned for dates, he always loved the look of surprise on your face. Bucky, still in his soldier uniform grinned “Well I may have planned a little double date for Stevie with us, what do you think?” He grinned, he was always setting Steve up, he wanted his best friend to be as happy as he was. You began to fiddle with the wrinkles on your dress “Its true that Stevie needs to get himself out there but you’re still acting all mysterious! What have you got planned Mister Barnes?” You teased and fiddled with his perfectly tied tie, he rubbed your sides gently “You’re going to have to wait and see, doll.” You pouted and huffed at this jokingly to which Bucky simply kissed your cheek, his lips tickling slightly against the soft flesh of your rouge tinted cheeks.

You smiled “So, where are we meeting Steve? And this girl you’ve matched him up with?” Bucky grinned “First doll, you need to get dressed up in your Sunday best! And second, I’ll pick you up in an hour or so, Steve will be waiting with me outside.” He instructed and smiled “I’ll walk you home first then I’ll have to see what mess Steve has gotten himself into.” You giggled at his statement and walked alongside him, his arm wrapped around your waist “God I’ve missed you Buck.. Letters just don’t cut it.” Your nose was nuzzled into his shoulder, he’d been away training in Wisconsin with the rest of the Regiment for the whole winter, you had to mail him his present for Christmas to him instead of spending your first Christmas with him together.

Bucky smiled and pulled you close “I missed you too, Doll.. let's hope this war ends soon eh?” walking along the sidewalk to your tiny apartment, it wasn’t much but it would do in the meantime. You retrieved your keys from your purse and opened the first door, you turned to look up at your boyfriend “I’ll see you in tick, Don’t get into too much trouble before then okay?” joking with him, to which he laughed “Well Doll, when it comes to Steve that’s a promise that I can’t make.” he winked before walking off, going to try and find where his best-friend was. Scuttling up the creaky staircase, you rushed into your apartment to start and get ready, picking out your best dress which you’d been saving for a high-class event.

Any date with Bucky could be considered a high-class event.

Picking up bobby pins, you slid them into your hair to secure your (HL) (HC) hair into a certain style, brushing out the knots of your hair with a soft and gentle comb, before trying to smooth the inevitable flyaways with a tiny bit of hair pomade, you only had a little left and it was considered a luxury item during the war. Everyone needed to be canny nowadays. Sliding off your thin cotton dress you’d worn during the day, you searched through your drawers for your brand-new girdle*, wanting to really dress up as you hadn’t dressed up like this since Bucky went off for training. Sliding on your girdle, you attached your stockings using the small clasps of the suspenders, adjusting them so they looked smooth and not bumpy. Gently, you put on your (FC) dress, adjusting the neckline so it fit just right. Smoothing out the edges of the dress, it accentuated the gentle dip of your waist and feel just above your knee. You twirled around in your dress, watching it twirl around beautifully, you giggled to yourself as you searched for your little black heels which were somewhere in your suitcase. Time flew so fast that soon you heard whistling outside your window, your heart beat fast as the tune belonged to you and Bucky’s favourite song to dance to. You rushed to find your shoes and purse, putting on a little bit of red lipstick for good measure. Grabbing your peacoat as you rushed down to meet Bucky and hopefully Steve.

As you opened the door, there he was. Your Soldier. Your Bucky.

Bucky smiled “Ready to go doll?” You nodded happily and nuzzled into Bucky and glanced over to see Steve “Steve?! What happened to you!” Pulling a handkerchief out of your pocket to blot his still somewhat bleeding nose. Steve dabbed his nose gently “Oh you know me (NN), always getting into trouble that Buck needs to fix.” joking with you but you being so motherly, you did not take that as a good answer “If they come at you again, I’ll knock their teeth out.” showing a more defensive side for your boyfriend’s best friend which made Steve flush “Thanks (NN).” You shrugged and went back to stand next to Bucky “So where are you taking me this time Buckaroo?” you teased as Bucky led you along the sidewalk with Steve trailing behind him. Bucky smiled “Well.. I know how you wanted to see that Stark Expo. So..” he grinned and waited for your reaction, you gasped excitedly “Bucky!! You are the best!” hugging him happily, he gave you a gentle squeeze “Come on then!” he busied you along till you reached the Stark Expo where Connie was waiting, trying to wave down Bucky but stopped when seeing you nuzzling into him. She glared at you with such jealousy and in that moment you knew that tonight was going to be fun.

~~~

There you and Bucky were, he was walking you home after Steve’s date, Connie had badly rejected him. You nuzzled into Bucky, he seemed to have taken all of Steve’s emotions onto himself “Darling, what happened with Steve wasn’t your fault. She was stuck up anyways and Steve deserves a sweetheart!” trying to reassure Bucky that he’d tried his best and that it would be better luck next time. Bucky nuzzled “suppose you’re right, doll.” kissing your cheek as you led him up the stairs of your apartment building “Come on, I have a few beers in my fridge, nice and cold just the way you like them.” Leading him inside your tiny apartment,the floorboards creaking under the two of yours weight as you made him sit on the couch. He took a seat and watched as you wandered off to the kitchen to fetch him a beer. Soon you came back with the two beers, the bottle caps off and ready as you handed one over to him happily. Bucky took a long sip, letting out a sigh of relief and delight “God I love cheap beer.” He laughed, you rolled your eyes and sat down beside him comfortably “Hey its all the shop had.” you retorted and kicked your heels off before settling down beside him properly. Bucky smiled and ran a hand through your hair lovingly, you arched your head back into his touch, humming softly “How long do you have till you have to head out?” You buzzed softly and hummed but heard only a sad sigh from Bucky, you turned your head to him and looked at him for an answer. Bucky inched closer on the couch to you and held your hands sadly “I only have tonight doll..” You felt your heart break at this, only night before he was gone.

“Well. We’ll make tonight the perfect night won’t we?” You smiled, acting a lot more positive and putting on that smile for him. Bucky nodded “Our final night together till I head off to the mouth of hell.” He joked and reached to rub your cheek gently “You will come back to me, Bucky Barnes. You are not dying on me yet.” You insisted and looked at him with such passion and such love, Bucky couldn’t help but smile at this as he reached to brush hair away from your face “Okay. I’ll try my hardest to stay alive.” He smiled and went silent for a moment, you rose a brow at this behaviour “Buck? You got something on your mind?”He nodded and you tilted your head “What is it?”

He opened his mouth to speak and just blurted out “Marry me.”

You blinked and looked at him “W-What?” You watched as he pulled out a small thin metal band, it wasn’t like the rings which most girls wanted. It wasn’t littered with diamonds or ornately designed, it was a simple thin silver band, shining in the light of your living-room. Bucky smiled “I know its only been a few months doll but I know that this between us is right. And when I come back I’ll buy you that diamond ring, white dress and everything. But right now I want to know that when I come back, you’re here. My future wife.” you couldn’t help but flush at his declaration of love to you, you began to smile as he scrambled off the couch to be on his knees before you “Will you? Will you marry me?” He gave you his trademark grin, holding the ring out, still dressed in his army uniform. You nodded “Yes! I will marry you!” You leapt into his arms from the couch, the two of you fell back onto the carpet, you giggling as he cheered up to the heavens or to the neighbours “She’s gonna marry me! My girl is going to marry me!” He declared as he slid the silver band onto your ring finger, you admired it happily.

The two of you sat there for a while, cuddling and almost glowing from the happiness you both were feeling. You inched up into a kiss, this kiss was long and filled with a passion which made your fingers tingle. Wrapping your arms around his neck, leaning into the kiss as he pulled you onto his lap, his hands on your hips and pawing at the material of your dress. Pulling back from the heated kiss, panting heavily you stared into his eyes and he looked at you as if you were the most precious thing he’d ever seen. You wrapped your legs around his waist, the suspenders which held your stockings up peering out from underneath your (FC) dress, Bucky picked you up delicately and carried you to your bedroom, his lips kissing your ear tenderly “What would you like to do, future Mrs Barnes?” smiling as he got to say that finally, you smiled “I would like you to take me to bed Mr Barnes~” you cooed and purred happily to Bucky who nodded “Yes Ma’am.” As soon as you entered the bedroom, clothes were pulled off and thrown aside and lay in piles on the floor.

Skin against skin.

Lips against lips.

Bodies intertwining and pulling apart before intertwining again, pulled together by a sort of electricity or magnetism. You were drowning in the rush of euphoria which seems to explode from your chest, pouring out from you. Bucky could feel it too, the feeling of your soft flesh against his sent his heart a thumping, the two of you admiring one another and taking your time to explore the expanse of each other's bodies as if this would be the last time you’d see each other.

But it wasn’t. You knew he would come back to you.

He would come back to you.

~~~

The morning came, the sun cracked through your thin blinds and woke you, your room a mess from last night’s rendezvous. Rubbing your eyes, you soon spotted Bucky, putting back on his uniform and standing in the mirror whilst trying to straighten his tie. You smiled and reached for your robe, sliding it on your naked form. Padding over to him, your cold feet hitting the wooden floorboards you smiled “Come here. Let me fix that.” You reached to straighten his tie, he stared down at you happily as he watched your nimble fingers fiddle with his tie “There. Now you look respectable.” you teased and pecked his cheek. Bucky kissed you quickly “Thank you, Mrs Barnes.” He smiled and held your hand, his thumb fiddling with the ring he’d put on your finger last night. Smiling, you looked up at him “Come on. Some breakfast before you leave.” you led him to the kitchen, taking a quick peek at the living-room where two beer bottles stood, barely drunk due to last night’s activities. You giggled at that before setting forth to make some breakfast for the two of you, Bucky of course helping.

Breakfast was soon made and devoured, plates almost licked clean as you both watched the time betray you, it was almost time for Bucky to go. You watched as he slipped on his shoes and his jacket, but you knew it truly was time when he reached for his hat. Standing beside him, you reached to cradle his face in your hands as you spoke to him “You will come back to me. Stay alive.” rubbing his cheek gently with your thumb, it was tickled by his slight stubble. Bucky reached to kiss your hands and kissed your ring before kissing you passionately one last time “I will come back to you Mrs Barnes.. I promise you.” He hesitantly pulled away, leaving you standing in the doorway in your robe as he walked down the stairs. Leaving you alone. You rushed to the window to watch him leave, your hand pressed against it as he gazed up to look at you and mouthed in your direction ‘I love you’ to which you returned the sentiment. There you watched him, walking off into the busy streets and disappearing amongst the crowds. Heading off to war, holding onto the hope of soon returning home to you. That hope would keep him alive.

You were tending to the flowers on your balcony, it had been 2 excruciatingly long years since Bucky had left. Worry was eating you up, no letters had arrived for many months which made your anxieties and paranoia soar. Blanking due to your paranoia as you watered the pots with your watering can, you suddenly heard a knock on your door which pulled you from your anxieties “Who is it?” You called out as you put down the watering can and dried your hands on your cotton dress, walking towards the front door before unlatching the lock. You opened the door and looked up at the tall figure standing before you. It was Steve. A much taller and much more muscular Steve.

“Steve?! Bucky told me about this but I couldn’t believe it!” You ran and hugged him, this was so shocking and you could still barely get your head around this “Come in!” you ushered him inside and led him into your living-room, Steve remained quiet. You sat down on the couch beside him and looked at him “Is Bucky okay? He hasn’t been sending me any letters.. I’m worried Steve.” you looked into his eyes which were filled with such sorrow and pain, you bit your lip “He is okay.. Isn’t he?” your voice breaking as you prayed in your heart that he was okay but the feeling of dread was rising more and more.

Steve, looking at you with pained eyes “I-I’m sorry (NN)... it was a tragic accident. I-I couldn’t save him.” You were frozen out of shock and heartbreak, your world crumbling around you as what Steve had just told you settled into your mind. Tears began to run down your cheeks “No. No… NO!?!” You stood suddenly and began to wail hysterically, you could not be calmed down, your pain was flowing out of you like a volcano erupting “NO! HE PROMISED ME! HE SAID HE’D COME BACK TO ME!” You clawed at your arms, acting as if maybe if you cried enough or yelled enough that the truth would not be true. Steve tried to calm you “Please (NN).. I’m Sorr-” You snapped at him “HE PROMISED ME! HE PROMISE! NOW HE’S GONE!” You held spite in your voice, grief had made your voice fill with venom. Steve, though he flinched, stepped forward to try and soothe you but you just shoved him back “GET OUT!” You were taking your grief out on Steve, who already blamed himself greatly for his best friend’s death. But Steve simply backed away “I’m sorry (YN)...” He stood in the doorway as he stared at you, you had your back to Steve as you huddled on the carpet “Just.. Get out.” you said blankly, your emotions now drained as everything in your world came crashing down at you. Steve left your apartment, he felt so guilty for doing this to Bucky and now to you. You just sat, the wind whirring and lashing against the windows, they sounded like cries of a banshee, taunting you.

Numb. That’s all you could feel. You stared down at your ring finger, your cheeks stained with your tears as you hiccuped. Everything around you reminded you off him.

The couch, reminded you of long night cuddles with him

The kitchen, reminded you of your last breakfast with him.

You rose to your feet shakily as you wandered into your bedroom, you picked up a box which was on your vanity and retrieved the photo which was pinned onto your vanity mirror using the frame of the mirror itself, it was a picture of a you and Bucky on a date at Coney Island. His smile, oh his smile was beautiful. Your thumb traced the picture as you sniffled, you sat on your bed and placed the photo down, you started to open the box.

Inside the box was everything to do with Bucky, a shirt of his was in there and there were petals from a bouquet he’d given you on your first date with him. You felt so numb as you stared at the memories laid in your lap.

“He’s gone.” You whimpered out as you fell back onto the bed, pulling Bucky’s shirt out of the box and cuddling it for comfort as you wept like a babe, sniffing his cologne from the shirt and continuing to weep, tears staining it as you lay in the bed where the two of you had made love, became a part of each other. Forever entwined. And now he was gone, your heart felt raw and empty. He had left a crater in your chest, nobody could patch up a heart that broken. Nobody.

August 21st 2016

Bucky’s POV

I was in horrible shape, the fight with Tony had broken me. I was littered in scars and wounds, my metal arm gone from the energy blast during the fight from Tony’s Arc Reactor. T’Challa had promised he’d be able to help with his resources back in Wakanda to help get rid of the HYDRA programming, I agreed. I wasn’t stable or safe until they were gone. Steve had left to free everyone who’d been held in the RAFT like Wanda and Sam.

In my lonesome, my mind scanned through the memories which had been coming back. Each one brought mostly a source of joy to me. I was remembering who I was. Not what I became because of Hydra. That was when the face of a woman appeared in my memories, at first she’d been a blur but now she was fully there in my head, like a beautiful portrait. Her name was at the tip of my tongue, I wanted to yell it out like it was the gospel.

“(Y/N)!?” I screamed, that name echoed against the walls of the quinjet, I panted as if a weight had left my throat, it flooded past my eyes.

The memories. The dances.

The touches. The kisses.

His fiancee. His (YN).

My (YN).

I then paused, what happened to her. What became of my (YN). Before anything in Wakanda, I needed to know. Even if she was dead, I wanted to know. I had to know. T’Challa returned with Steve, the others following behind, all battle-torn and tired. Steve wiped blood from his cheek and sighed “Ready Buck?” I rose to my feet “I am… but I need to do something first. I need to know what happened to… I need to know what happened to my (YN).”

Steve looked shocked at his words, he’d never thought to look up what happened to her, still remembering the day so clearly when he told you about Bucky.

It haunted him…

“You remember her?” I nodded in response, my eyes watering as the memories of her smiling and laughing couldn’t stop running through my mind. Steve frowned “You want to know what happened? Then you will go to Wakanda?” I nodded “That is all I want.. That is all I'll ever ask of you from now on.” Steve nodded and sighed before looking at T’Challa who smiled “With my technology, it will be easy to find her.” I felt so relieved, so thankful that T’Challa trusted me now after knowing the truth “Thank you.” that was all I could muster up to say to him as T’Challa worked on it.

As long as I knew that (YN) had lived a happy life then it would give me peace. Knowing that she had lived. Knowing that she was okay.

It wasn’t long before T’Challa returned with a piece of paper “I found her.” I thanked him too soon as T’Challa interrupted me once more “Not only that but… she’s alive.”

Alive.

She was alive.

~~~

Your POV

You were sat in your small cottage home, it was homely and filled with antiques. Your (HC) hair no longer shone in the same way, it had been replaced with a head of (HL) silver hair. Your (EC) eyes remained the same, though now sunken and wrinkled, those eyes had lasted you throughout your 96 years of being alive, though you could no longer read the small print on the back of food packaging which required your reading glasses’ assistance. Your cat curled up on your lap as you rested by the fire, above the mantle stood photographs, ranging from family events to the main picture which stood up front and centre.

The picture of you and Bucky at Coney Island, framed and well-dusted, you never let it look unkempt and always smiled at it. As you stared at the photograph, you heard a knock at the door. It sometimes seemed that as soon as you daydreamed, something important would follow. Today would not be an exception. You grabbed your walking stick and hobbled over to the door, your cat following, you lived on your own and only usually got visitors from sometimes family or the carers who came to check on you and how your health was currently. You opened the door and there stood Steve Rogers, he looked the exact same.

“I was wondering when you were going to come see me, you punk.” You gave him a cheeky smile, acting like a young girl all over again to which Steve faintly smiled “Yeah. Sorry bout that.” He looked down at you, to which you rolled your eyes “Oh pish posh. Don’t give me that. Now get yourself inside.” Ushering him in, mirroring the day that Steve had came to tell you Bucky had ‘died’. You sat on the couch with him and reached to hold his hand “I cried when I heard you were alive. I did.” You admitted and smiled “Since the day when you came to my apartment, I regretted how I treated you. I am sorry.” Steve smiled “You had just lost someone (NN). You mourned the only way you could.” He rubbed the backs of your hands as you giggled “No one has called me that in a long long time.” referring to the nickname which made Steve smile wider “You haven’t changed a bit you know?” He looked at you happily to which you scoffed “Have you seen me Steve? I am old now. Not the same beauty I used to be.” You let out a hearty laugh but froze as a voice could be heard from the shadows “You’re still beautiful, doll..”

That voice.

It couldn’t be?

But. There he appeared, from the shadows appeared Bucky. He was war-torn, one of the arms to his hoodie limp, you thought maybe it was in a sling or something under his hoodie and his hair much longer than how it was before.

But it was his eyes, it was still the same Bucky. The same Bucky you fell for. The same Bucky you agreed to marry.

Tears brimmed at the edge of your eyes “Loverboy? Is that you?” Your voice cracking as you had to reassure yourself that this wasn’t an illusion or that you hadn’t died. Bucky wandered over and took Steve’s place on the couch, Steve had moved off and stood close to the wall. Bucky reached and touched your cheek with his right hand, it all felt the same yet different. You stared up in wonder “How?” You were still shocked and glanced to Steve for answers but Bucky frowned “You don't know about the news? About me?” You had never seen Bucky this way, so scared for your reaction about something, you shook your head “I’m all alone out here. Alone with my cat. I don't have a tv or any internet, Darling… but even if I did it would not matter. What matters is that you’re here and that you’re alive.” Bucky had tears in his eyes as he embraced you, holding you close to his chest as he cried, you cried too. The both of you cried together, exchanging words and declarations of love which you’d been waiting to speak since before you found out about Bucky’s ‘death’.

Bucky stared at your hand, no other rings graced your fingers. Only the small thin silver band that he’d given you the night before he left was gracing your ring finger, he looked up at you in shock to which you smiled “I told you many times, Mr Barnes that you were special and that I would never find someone like you ever again… And I was right.” Bucky smiled sadly at this “But… you always wanted children (NN)?” You shushed him “I never loved another man but I gave my love to others. I fostered many children, Bucky. I got to see them growing up and in some of them I could see you and Steve.” You told him, your heart bursting at the seams, Bucky smiled as looked at the mantelpiece to see the pictures of the children you’d fostered and welcomed into your heart before spotting the picture of you and him at Coney Island, he stared at it for some time. You nuzzled his shoulder “I never let go of you, Buck. I love you. I never stopped loving you.” You told him, he wrapped his arm around your frail frame “I’m sorry I never came back to you…” Bucky muttered, you frowned “James Buchanan Barnes, you cannot change what has happened. From what I can see, what happened to you was terrible my love.” Touching his left shoulder “But what happened happened my dear, changing the past is impossible.” Bucky nodded sadly and sighed “I need to show you something.”

He unzipped his hoodie and revealed his arm-less left shoulder, you gasped and felt tears form “Oh Bucky… Who did this to you?” You touched where his arm once was, he sighed sadly “I was taken by the enemy. They turned me into a monster.” he stared down at his hands but you reached over “Bucky.” you embraced him, your fragile form embracing him and cradling him like a babe in your arms “Hush. relax...” wanting him to relax and to let go of everything. Bucky froze before calming down and just curling into your arms, Steve watched the two of you sadly.

“Can I stay with her? Just one last time Steve?” Bucky begged Steve, who gave in and nodded. Bucky smiled and looked up at you “I’m getting help from a new friend. I’m not stable yet but he can help. But till then I am not safe.” you nodded at Bucky’s statement “One last night together? Well... We’ll make tonight the perfect night won’t we?” Your words echoed to the past, a reflection of the last night the two of you had together before the war, he nodded “We shall, doll.”

Steve backed away and left the cottage, he would return for Bucky in the morning but for now the two of you deserved time together alone. Not being watched over, given time to reminisce and remember the good times. The two of you sat by the fireplace together, reminiscing on old dates the two of you had and also with you filling him in on your life after he had ‘died’. You’d told him that your life was a happy one, something that Bucky loved to hear. You smiled and rubbed the back of his hand “Bucky, on my vanity there’s a box. Could you get it for me?” You asked, he nodded and soon returned back with the box, you smiled and gently took off the lid of the box.

Bucky’s eyes widened “You kept all of this?” he was shocked as he went through photos, old movie tickets, old records and books which you had flower pressed some of the petals from the bouquet he’d given you on your first date into. You smiled and nodded “Of course I did.” You pulled out his old shirt and smiled “I used to cradle this, it smelled of you.” your wrinkled hands ran across the fabric, Bucky smiled and kissed your head gently before looking at the clock “Time seems to go so fast when we are together doesn’t it?” Seeing that it was now 12pm, you yawned “It does indeed.” resting your head upon his shoulder. Bucky smiled and stood up “Ready for sleep, Mrs Barnes?” holding out his hand for you, you nodded and grasped his hand, shaking a little as you rose to your feet. Bucky steadied you, walking with you to the bedroom, you were already in your nightgown anyways.

You sat down on your side of the bed, Bucky took off his shoes and his jeans as well as his hoodie, leaving him in his shirt and his boxers. You reached out with your hands to cradle his face, finger tracing the contours of his face, remembering everything about him which for a long time had seemed a distant memory. Bucky smiled and got into bed alongside you, being comforted by your presence alongside him, you relaxed also. The two of you looked into each other's eyes, though Bucky wasn’t truly himself, you knew it was still him. You curled close to him and rested your head against his shoulder, his right arm curled around you just like he used to do, you held onto him as if preparing for him to disappear.

The two of you were curled close to one another, relaxed and feeling connected. The crater which Bucky had left after his ‘death’ began to heal, being slowly patched up as you breathed in his smell which somehow still smelled the same to you. Everything felt perfect.

~~~

As if it had only been an hour sleep, the morning had came. You opened your bleary eyes to expect Bucky to be gone or for last night to have been truly just an illusion, but there he was lying beside you. Bucky was still asleep, his brown hair covering his battle-wounded face, you reached and brushed the hair from his face, he leant into your gentle touch. His long eyelashes flickered as he stirred awake, his blue eyes meeting yours. He smiled tiredly and remained by your side on the bed “Mornin’ Doll.” you relaxed alongside him “Morning Hotshot.” Your silvery gray hair formed a halo around your head as you rested against your soft pillows. Bucky smiled sadly “Steve is waiting outside… its time for me to go.” you frowned “How come you know that?” you sat up slowly, taking your time as Bucky chuckled “I have super hearing now.” He too sat up and reached for his clothes, getting dressed but taking his time. You watched from your bed “Why should I be surprised?” smiling tiredly. Bucky was ready to go, you rose to your feet shakily and retrieved something from your memory box which you’d saved for a long time. You stood before Bucky, he looked at you puzzled as you revealed a small velvet box, you opened it to reveal a thick silver band.

A ring…

A ring for Bucky. The ring you’d planned to give him when you met at the altar.

Bucky looked at it and sighed “Sucks that I don't have a left hand eh?” He joked sadly, forcing out a smile, you shook your head “That doesn’t matter now. What matters is that you have this.” You pulled it from the box, dusty as you’d been holding onto it since 1944. You slid it onto his ring finger on his right hand, now the both of you had rings to signify your love, a love which had continued on past supposed ‘death’ and time.

Bucky smiled and brushed your cheek gently with his thumb, he took in all your features one last time as if this time he’d truly never see you again. You looked at him “Steve’s waiting Buck… go.” You insisted and smiled “I ain’t getting any younger.” Bucky chuckled lightly and leant in to kiss your forehead, his lips lingering there as if wanting to prolong the eventual heartache. He pulled away slowly and walked out of your room, you watched him leave like a shadow escaping before the morning sun broke out, you turned to look out of your bedroom window. You saw him and Steve walk away from your cottage, he turned his head to look at you and as he did so he mouthed ‘I will always love you (YN)’ to which you pressed your hand against the window pane and mouthed ‘And I will always love you, James.’ He walked off into the distance with Steve, you felt your heart ache sorrowfully. Because deep down you knew.

Deep down you knew that this was the last time you’d see your loverboy.

A final goodbye.

~~~

? / ? / 2018

Bucky’s POV

I searched for Steve, I had been blasted back by Thanos whilst trying to stop him from advancing towards Vision, my face was covered with dirt and my heart beating fast. I called out for Steve but a feeling in my gut arose, something in my body felt terribly wrong. I reached the clearing, still holding my weapon as I approached Steve and Thor who stared at each other in utter shock.

“Steve?” I asked as I stepped forward, my hands slowly were disappearing into dust. I kept stepping forward but I felt my body just disappear. Disintegrating into millions of pieces of dust, before I was gone completely I heard my gun hit the floor and the dead silence from Steve.

It was only darkness for a moment. But then I heard voices, voices of the team. My eyes blinked awake to see them, they were all shocked and confused. Where are we? I stood up as the team gathered together to figure out a plan on how to get out. But I could hear something, a voice calling out from the dark expanse of the new terrain. I wandered towards the voice, I could see a figure forming out of dust. The figure was wearing a fitted (FC) dress with a pair of black heels, the hair styled like a movie from my time. I froze when I saw the figure’s face, it was (YN) but she was young again…

She looked around in fear and confusion “Where am I?!” I rushed over “Doll!?” I too was confused by this, how was she here and how was she young again. (YN) looked at me, her eyes wide in fear “Bucky?! Where am I?” she then touched her face, realising that she was no longer 96 years old. She didn’t look a day over 21 now. I held her face in my hands “Calm down for me, Doll. I don’t know where we are but you’re safe with me.” she nodded and calmed down slowly before taking a moment to think “Am I dead?” her eyes watering, I couldn’t help but feel my heart ache for her “I don’t know the answer to that doll, but we’re together okay?” smiling gently. She nodded and looked at my new metal arm, she let a tear fall when seeing on my new left hand there was the ring on my finger, her own ring still gently wrapped around her soft nimble finger. I smiled and wiped away the tear with my thumb, she giggled a little before pressing her forehead against mine, nose brushing against one another like an eskimo kiss. (YN) smiled “We may not have any music but… Shall we have our first dance?” I smiled happily, regardless of the horrors of the situation we were currently in, this was our chance for a little while to have the first dance we never got to have at our wedding. I simply nodded “I would feel honoured for you to dance with me, Mrs Barnes.” (YN)’s hand reached to rest upon my bicep as I clasped her other hand and held our arms out horizontally, I began to hum the tune to a song we both loved. A song we used to slow-dance to on our dates at the various dance clubs, we always suggested this song. I hummed the tune to ‘Taking a Chance on Love’ as we started to dance, though there was nothing around us but never-ending shadow and monotone landscapes, we still danced, (YN)’s dress twirling around as we did.

If this is truly the end of me, then I accept it.

Because now I can finally be with the girl I love.

And I’d give it all to take a chance on love again.

The End ~

*Girdle - A woman’s undergarment/shape-wear popularised in the 30’s and 40’s which you could attach your stockings to using suspender clips

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #marvel #avengers #fanfic #fic #steve rogers #captain america #bucky imagine #request #oneshot #reader #reader insert #angst #lime #character death #love #romantic

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welshjule · 4 years

Text

You got me begging you for mercy

To my Friends, Family and all Readers,

Welcome to my first blog. Every week I will be posting a story ‘loosely based’ on my life in Australia since 1982. My aim is to provide a little escapism in a sometimes-hard world and to hopefully make you laugh. The content will be mature themed as I am in no way attempting to be a role-model!

Happy reading my Darlings

Let me know what you think.

Ju xx

Perth, Australia.

January 1995

It was a Sunday night and I had just put my daughter Alice to bed. The house was red hot, the windows were wide open and there wasn’t a breeze; it was like living inside a sweaty sock. Summer in Perth can be brutal and it is a dry, burning heat that scorches the hair on your arms and rips the skin off your feet if you try and walk barefoot outside. The temperature had hit forty degrees that day and I only had two stand-up fans, so a load of our family and friends had been swimming at the local pool.

We got home and Alice, who was about five years old, spent about two hours in a cold bath – in her bathers, underwater, face-down and pretending to be dead! My job was to run in and rescue her every so often but I kept forgetting. I gave the nickname ‘Insane Alice’ to my daughter when she was very young because she was my wild, brave, curious nutcase, who always had something to say and most of it was somewhat demented. Over the years, we dropped the Insane bit and it was just Alice, but to tell the truth, she’s still a bit touched.

My Father called her ’his Alice’ for thirty years.

So, my exhausted daughter was now asleep with a wet towel on top of her and a fan blowing hot air around her room.

Walking into the kitchen, I stuck my head under the cold tap until my hair and face were soaking wet. Grabbing an ice-cold beer from the fridge, I wandered out to the garden and laid back on an old lounger. Tracey Chapman was singing about a fast car as I lit a fag and skulled my beer.

The house was like a furnace and there was no reprieve outside. From November to March, you went to bed sweating and you got up the same way. We lived in a low-income area and nobody had air-conditioning; you just had to deal with the heat.

At that time, single mothers didn’t get to choose the houses with alarm systems and swimming pools. We could only afford tired, old rentals with dripping taps and broken flyscreens and to make matters worse, I was cleaning two ‘beach-front’ mansions a day while Alice was at school.

#These were palaces, with huge swimming pools, wine cellars and balconies overlooking the blue ocean and I earned a pittance. I had to shut my mouth like Ruby from ‘Upstairs, Downstairs’ when the ‘lady of the house’ complained about smears on the bathroom mirror or dust on the roof because I needed the money.

Looking around now, my poor garden looked so sad; that unrelenting ball of fire had burnt the beautiful flowers I had planted and singed the lawn so badly that it was now just dry, straw.

I was feeling a bit weird and conflicted because everyone around me seemed to think that I should be trying to find a man to ‘look after me and be a father to Alice.’ Don’t get me wrong, it was said with kindness, but I was bored of the whole thing.

Thirty years ago, there was a real stigma attached to being a single mother. If your marriage failed but the dad was still on the scene with the kids, that was ok. If there was no father in sight, it played with people’s heads.

I chose to leave Alice’s father when she was a baby and bring up my daughter alone and I loved it.

I didn’t have a man and I didn’t really want one.

But some people just weren’t comfortable with it. Was I a lesbian? Did I hate men? Was I flirting with their man? They wanted to set me up with their husband’s mate from Bunnings and it was all, ‘We’ve got to find you a nice fella’ and ‘you can’t be too fussy.’ What a cheek! I was thirty years old with no visible hump on my back. Who were they thinking of wheeling in? Alf F##king Stewart?’’

There was a lot of pressure

And It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried.

I’d been to Bachelor and Spinster Balls, joined ‘Parents Without Partners’ (very creepy) and even went to ’Japanese conversation ‘night classes because everyone told me ‘There are loads of divorced men learning languages now Ju. There will be blokes everywhere.’ The only man I ever spoke to was wearing a grey cardigan and had just retired from the civil service.

God knows I tried

And I was about to try again

In 1995, there was no tinder or instant messaging because there were no mobile phones or computers (well not in our house anyway). People had to leave their residence and go hunting in pubs and clubs on a Saturday night for their own Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson and it was utterly soul destroying.

But I had the Wanneroo Times and I was on a mission.

This local community newspaper had started printing adverts in their classifieds for single people wanting to meet a partner. It was basically, ‘man seeking woman’ or ‘woman seeking man’. Then, everybody told massive lies about themselves; ‘very attractive, happy go lucky, no baggage, loves a good red wine and walking on the beach at sunset.’ It was ridiculous but that didn’t stop me filling in the form.

My advert said,

If you are a sports fanatic and watch it on tv all weekend – read on

If you are bitter about your wife taking everything from you in the divorce, we’ve already met - read on

If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, warm winter fires, bubble baths and collecting driftwood. Stop reading Sir, for you are a dead set serial killer.

I didn’t say much about me, just,

’blonde, thirty, likes to write.’

And I posted it off.

It took a week to receive any responses.

I’d been watching ‘Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves’ and wondering how I could get in touch with Kevin Costner to tell him I was waiting for him here; in the hottest, most isolated corner of the world!

But I was feeling quite hopeful and ready for some romance in my life. I spent most of the week singing ‘You know it’s true, everything I do, I do it for you.’

On a Monday morning, the postman dropped an official looking, brown envelope into my post box and I had seven letters!!

Buzzing with excitement, I made a cup of coffee, lit a fag and opened the first one.

He had a wife but they didn’t sleep together. He desperately needed passion in his life, maybe two afternoons a week! Yeh right, dream on!

Three more were married and just wanted a bit on the side.

My fifth would-be suitor boasted of a body tattooed from his neck to his toes and a willingness to provide colour photos. I just couldn’t stomach it!

And the sixth little gem was a smooth-talking illiterate who claimed to be a ‘mad rooter’ but added that, ’If I was a ‘Fat Sheila,’ then not to bother eh!’

I could feel a black depression impending; Was I supposed to settle for this group of no-hopers?

But there was one letter remaining and that was written by a man named Fred.

Fred was English and had been in Perth for a couple of years. He worked in some office and liked Guinness. That was good enough for me!

We spoke on the phone a couple of times and met for a quick coffee. He was a nice bloke and didn’t seem to be deranged. He asked me to go to the movies to see ’Braveheart’ and I said ‘’lovely.’’

So, its Friday night and I am sorted. Alice is staying at my parents’ house and I have a date!

The Commitments are slaying Mustang Sally and I am drinking a vodka and tonic. My hair is a work of art! It has been washed, blow- dried, straightened, back-combed and gelled, plus I’ve used half a can of hairspray, so this hairdo is not shifting.

On goes the make-up, a pair of jeans that are much too small and a black shirt. Sounds simple doesn’t it?

But it is still 32 degrees at 6.30pm and the sweat is dripping down my back. I am sitting on an ice pack with my feet in a bowl of cold water and the pedestal fan is coughing, stale air at me like an old family dog. The jeans are slowly roasting my legs, the underneath of my hair is soaking wet and the makeup is dripping off my face.

But I don’t care, because I’m looking good, the house smells of ’Red Door’ perfume and I’ve had a few puffs of a lovely old joint I found on top of the kitchen cupboard.

I am ready for action!

Fred turned up at about seven and he looked very smart with jeans and a blue shirt. He was quite a portly fellow, very suntanned and with a completely bald head. I don’t know if he’d ever had any hair and I didn’t really care.

I was flying!

We were a bit early for the movies so we went for a drink first. The pub was practically empty but the night was young, so I told Fred that it was my shout. He asked the ‘gothic and heavily pierced’ barmaid, if she could make him a flat, white coffee and she looked at him with complete disgust. I ordered a double vodka and we sat down for a chat. I really wanted to find Fred attractive but he wasn’t giving me much.

He had a very strong Yorkshire accent and was into cycling and re-cycling. He started telling me about sustainable compost heaps and I just glazed over.

But, as I sat looking at him, the room started spinning and Fred began to morph into Dierdre Barlow from Coronation Street and a brown, boiled egg.

That old puff was strong!

’’I’m that choofed you chose me lass,’’ he said ‘’and I’m having a grand time, but I’m not one for the drink.’’

’Jesus Christ! When am I going to cop a break?’ I thought, ‘I’m a thirty-year-old woman wearing skin tight jeans and high heels. My legs are shaved, my elbows moisturised and I HAVE THE HOUSE TO MYSELF!! Who gives a shit about recycling?

I didn’t want to talk about Fred’s ‘loovely bunch of lasses at work’ or ’the benefits of riding a bicycle.’

My life consisted of chicken nuggets, nit shampoo and a daughter who was obsessed with a demonic dessert called Strawberry Shortcake. This nauseating strawberry cake had three best friends called Apple Dumpling, Raspberry Tart and Cherry Cuddler. They sounded like a bunch of sex workers and their pimp was a freak called ‘The Prickly and Peculiar Pieman from Porcupine Creek. Alice had it on an old video and played it constantly. She had been speaking in an American accent for about three weeks and I was over it!

I wanted to act like a teenager. To get absolutely wasted, fall-down drunk and extremely immature. I wished Fred would suggest a drinking game so that we could get really loud and find everything hysterical. I needed him to make me laugh because that is sexy. I wanted to completely skip the bloody movie altogether!

Nah, take that back.

Fred was, in fact, an egg that spoke with a Yorkshire accent and he was boring me to death.

So, we walked to the cinema and bought our own tickets, (very civilised), then I was straight into the Candy Bar. Buying a very expensive choc- top ice-cream and some popcorn, I asked Fred what he was having and he said,

’’Nah, I’ll not have owt, I’m watching me weight.’’

That really irritated me because I’d been considering a box of Maltesers too and now I couldn’t have them because I would look like a pig.

We found two seats in the middle row. The place was packed out because it was the first night the film was showing.

‘’So, Fred, what’s this Braveheart about then? It’s not going to be all blood and gore is it?’’ I asked.

“I don’t know Julie, I haven’t seen it,’’ he said, but it translated to, ’’Ah doon’t know jooleh, I’ve not seen film.’’

Now, don’t forget, I was deep in the grip of Sherwood Forrest and I thought Braveheart would be similar; some battles, dodgy accents, a love story, some fantastic one-liners ‘a la’ Alan Rickman.

I thought wrong.

The beginning of the film showed the beauty of Scotland with some hauntingly lovely music and a softly-spoken narrator. By the time I had eaten my choc-top, there were bodies of men, women and children hanging from beams, heads chopped off and the stabbing and slashing of everyone in sight; including the poor horses.

I was in a hell of a state!

Alice always compares me to the late, great, British comedian Larry Grayson when I am out of my comfort zone and am shocked or horrified. I get flustered and loud, highly camp and completely over the top.

I have to have things explained to me very clearly.

This film was way beyond my comfort zone.

My hands were over my eyes and all you could hear from me was ‘’Oh my God, when are they going to stop killing?” ‘’Oh, that’s gross!’’ ‘’I can’t look!’’ ‘’Why is there so much blood?’’ ‘’What’s happening Fred?”

And then an English soldier ties Braveheart’s beautiful bride to a tree.

I’m thinking, ‘’hurry up Wallace and save your woman.’’

Everyone is waiting for Mel to rescue her but he’s missing in action.

And the English Bast##d slits her throat!

Now, we still had about three more hours of this film to endure and the main character’s wife was dead. I just couldn’t believe it. She was exquisite, almost heavenly.

What was going on?

Í nudged Fred, ‘’What’s happening Fred? Is it a flashback or a dream? Is she coming back?’’

I was beside myself.

Fred was getting a little snippy at my endless questions and bad language because I couldn’t stop saying ‘’Oh F#ck’’ every time a limb was chopped off and it was constant carnage. It simply never stopped.

There was a teenage boy and his girlfriend sitting next to me and I tearfully asked the boy what he thought was going on. Did he think the lovely Marrun was coming back? Was it a flashback? He just looked horrified and two minutes later they both left.

So, now I’m crying and it’s serious. I’m absolutely gutted about useless Wallace not getting there in time and I don’t really feel like watching anymore.

Worse though, I haven’t got a tissue!

I am sobbing and my nose is running and I am doing that unattractive, hiccupy thing.

Fred’s forgotten his handkerchief and I’m hyperventilating and trying to quell my hysteria. But it’s just so sad and all you can hear in the whisper quiet audience are my racking sobs and sniffs. In the end, I had to use a KitKat wrapper and the sleeve of my top to wipe my nose. (yeh, I know, disgusting).

So now I’ve got to sit through another 150 minutes of butchery and treachery, heads in the mail, people being thrown out of windows and the mass raping of young maidens. It was relentless and I was suffering very loudly.

Fred was peeved, “Nah then, Jooleh, joost try to be a tad quieter pet. I can’t ‘ear film.’’

I was frazzled and I hadn’t even got to the torture of William Wallace.

What a joy that was!

About thirty minutes of Mel being hung, drawn and quartered very slowly with some lethal weapons (sorry, I had to).

First, he spits out the anaesthetic drug the princess slips him and then he refuses to shout ‘mercy’ to end his own torture. It was all too much and I kept shouting ‘mercy’ at the screen and crying loudly, but Mel just kept hanging on in there.

William Wallace was no pussy!

Eventually though, all the organs have been removed from his body and he has to die.

In his last few seconds alive he sees his wife, Murron, walking through the crowds, waiting for him and she is so beautiful, it’s heart breaking. Braveheart shouts ‘Freedom’ and I’m completely finished.

Before anyone could move, I was out of my seat. ’’I’ll see you in the foyer Fred,” I sobbed and ran to the toilets before the lights came on.

My body was shaking, my legs were like jelly and I was sweating. I felt like I had given birth to ten-pound triplets in an African hut, alone and without pain relief!

Then I saw my face in the mirror and stopped dead.

The old mascara I had found in the kitchen drawer was not waterproof and I had these black spider lines all down my cheeks. My eyes were smudged with dark grey eyeshadow, my nose was bright red and my face was blotchy and oily, with no trace of a base!

For some reason, my hair had also suffered and it looked like a yellow bird’s nest that had been sat on.

I hadn’t brought a handbag out with me, just a small purse, so the only things I had to rescue this complete disaster was a ten dollar note, a factor 30 lip balm and a furry tic-tac.

Everybody was coming into the lady’s toilets now and they were all looking at me. One girl came over and pretended to care but I saw straight through her. I’d heard some of her friends laughing at me during the torture scene.

I didn’t have a spare head so there wasn’t much I could do. I just washed my face, blew my nose and went out to meet Fred. I refused to look him straight in the eye though because I was hideous.

As we drove back to my place, the car was silent and I knew that Fred was sulking.

He eventually said ‘’Appen, A’Il see film again wit’ lasses from work. I missed most of it!’’

I thought, ‘’Oh do one, you Bloody tart, you are definitely not coming in for coffee.’’

We hit my driveway and I jumped out of the car like an Olympian.

Fred said something that sounded like ‘’See thee soon then Lass’’ and I said ‘’lovely.’’

Slamming the front door, I felt shell-shocked.

I jumped under a cold shower, washed off all the makeup and gunk from my hair and tied an old sarong around myself. Making a cup of tea and some toast with Nutella, I grabbed the remote and sat on the sofa.

Two minutes later, it was just me and Kevin.

I didn’t think I would ever hear from Fred again, but he rang a few nights later while I was watching ‘Home and Away‘ with Alice.

‘’Ow do Jooleh love, can ya guess where I am?’’ he asked jovially.

I froze. Oh my God.

“You’re not outside are you Fred? ’I asked,

‘’Nah’’, he chuckled, ‘’I’m lyin’ in’t cold tub, sipping hot brew and eating an apple pie. Blooody Bliss!’’

I hung up the phone and we never went out again.

Dating makes me realise why I’m not married!

If you liked this story, there’s a lot more to read because Alice and I have been writing tales ‘loosely based’ on our lives for many years, with the hope of finally finishing a book called ’A Mother like mine.’ Every Saturday, I will be publishing a blog so that you can read it over the weekend. Sometimes, Alice will write one too.

We will talk about love, losses and dating disasters, womanhood, teenage years and being a Welsh, single parent family in a rough-arse suburb of Perth in the nineties; from our two, completely different perspectives. I will even tell you how my true love literally walked through my front door and I almost took Alice to live in Texas! Our stories will be mostly funny but there will also be our recollection of some hard times. Nobody escapes them and sometimes it helps to read about other people’s battles.

Future titles include;

‘The Good, The Bad and the Aussies’

‘A Gang of Gary’s’

‘Doyawannarootorwhat’

‘Sorry about my little fella?’

‘Six months pregnant or a Tattoo?’

#wales #australia #perth #singlemum #dating #braveheart #melgibson #heat #strawberryshortcake

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ralphspina-blog1 · 7 years

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Beatles songs for Band of Brothers characters

AND HERE IS PART THREE OF MY TOTALLY UNPLANNED BUT AWESOME (i hope) HBO WAR PLAYLIST TRILOGY! It’s going behind a read more because it’s insanely long, and I do apologise to anyone who doesn’t have their fav on here, but the cast size and the discography scope could’ve combined to have me doing this forever. I had to throw down some limits. Thank you for coming on this wild ride with me! Or if you’ve just tuned in, welcome, and I hope you enjoy <3

Dick Winters: Hey Jude // And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain / Don't carry the world upon your shoulders / For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool / By making his world a little colder / So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin / You're waiting for someone to perform with / And don't you know that it's just you? / Hey Jude, you'll do / The movement you need is on your shoulder

Lewis Nixon: Baby, You’re a Rich Man // How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people? / Now that you know who you are, what do you want to be? / And have you traveled very far? / Far as the eye can see / Tuned to a natural E / Happy to be that way / Now that you've found another key, what are you going to play?

Harry Welsh: All My Loving // Close your eyes and I'll kiss you / Tomorrow I'll miss you / Remember I'll always be true / And then while I'm away, I'll write home every day / And I'll send all my loving to you / I'll pretend that I'm kissing the lips I am missing / And hope that my dreams will come true / And then while I'm away, I'll write home every day / And I'll send all my loving to you

Ron Speirs: The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill // He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun / In case of accidents, he always took his mom / He's the all American bullet-headed saxon mother's son / Deep in the jungle where the mighty tiger lies / Bill and his elephants were taken by surprise / So Captain Marvel zapped in right between the eyes / The children asked him if to kill was not a sin / Not when he looked so fierce, his mother butted in / If looks could kill it would have been us instead of him

Carwood Lipton: While My Guitar Gently Weeps // I look at the world and I notice it's turning / While my guitar gently weeps / With every mistake, we must surely be learning / Still my guitar gently weeps / I don't know how nobody told you how to unfold your love / I don't know how someone controlled you / They bought and sold you / I look at you all / I see the love there that's sleeping / While my guitar gently weeps

Donald Malarkey: With a Little Help From My Friends // What do I do when my love is away / (Does it worry you to be alone?) / How do I feel by the end of the day / (Are you sad because you're on your own?) / Would you believe in a love at first sight? / Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time / What do you see when you turn out the light? / I can't tell you, but I know it's mine / I’ll get by with a little help from my friends

Bill Guarnere: Getting Better // Me used to be angry young man / Me hiding me head in the sand / You gave me the word, I finally heard / I'm doing the best that I can / Man, I was mean, but I'm changing my scene / And I'm doing the best that I can / I've got to admit, it's getting better / A little better all the time/ Can’t get no worse

George Luz: Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band // It was twenty years ago today / Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play / They've been going in and out of style / But they're guaranteed to raise a smile / So may I introduce to you / The act you've known for all these years / Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band / It's wonderful to be here / It's certainly a thrill / You're such a lovely audience / We'd like to take you home with us / We'd love to take you home

Joe Liebgott: Hey Bulldog // Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles / What makes you think you're something special when you smile? / Childlike, no one understands / Jackknife in your sweaty hands / Some kind of innocence is measured out in years / You don't know what it's like to listen to your fears / Some kind of solitude is measured out in you / You think you know me, but you haven't got a clue

Buck Compton: Yesterday // Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away / Now it looks as though they're here to stay / Oh, I believe in yesterday / Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be / There's a shadow hanging over me / Oh, yesterday came suddenly / Yesterday love was such an easy game to play / Now I need a place to hide away

Skip Muck & Alex Penkala: Two of us // Two of us riding nowhere / Spending someone's hard earned pay / Two of us Sunday driving / Not arriving / On our way back home / Two of us sending postcards / Writing letters on my wall / You and me burning matches / Lifting latches / On our way back home / You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead

Eugene Roe: Dear Prudence // Dear Prudence, open up your eyes / Dear Prudence, see the sunny skies / The wind is low, the birds will sing that you are part of everything / Dear Prudence, won't you open up your eyes? / Dear Prudence, let me see you smile / Dear Prudence, like a little child / The clouds will be a daisy chain / So let me see you smile again

Babe Heffron: Help! // When I was younger, so much younger than today / I never needed anybody's help in any way / But now these days are gone, and I'm not so self assured / And now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors / And now my life has changed in oh so many ways / My independence seems to vanish in the haze / But ev'ry now and then I feel so insecure / I know that I just need you like I've never done before

Joe Toye: Helter Skelter // When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide / Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride / ‘Til I get to the bottom and I see you again / Do you, don't you want me to love you? / I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you / Will you, won't you want me to make you? / I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you / Tell me, tell me / Tell me the answer / You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

Frank Perconte: Old Brown Shoe // If I grow up I'll be a singer / Wearing rings on every finger/ Not worrying what they or you say / I'll live and love and maybe someday / Who knows, baby, you may comfort me / I may appear to be imperfect / My love is something you can't reject / I'm changing faster than the weather / If you and me should get together / Who knows, baby, you may comfort me

Floyd Talbert: One after 909 // My baby said she's trav'ling on the one after 909 / I said move over honey I'm traveling on that line / I said move over once, move over twice / Come on baby don't be cold as ice / Said she's trav'ling on the one after 909 / I got my bag, run to the station / Railman says you've got the the wrong location / I got my bag, run right home / Then I find I've got the number wrong

Charles Grant: Any Time At All // If you're feeling sorry and sad, I'd really sympathize / If the sun has faded away, I'll try to make it shine / There's nothing I won't do / If you need a shoulder to cry on, I hope it will be mine / Call me tonight, and I'll come to you / Any time at all, all you've gotta do is call and I'll be there

Bull Randleman: Fixing a Hole // I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in / And stops my mind from wandering / Where it will go / I'm filling the cracks that ran through the door / And kept my mind from wandering / Where it will go / And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong / I'm right where I belong I'm right / Where I belong / I'm taking the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday

Johnny Martin: Good Morning, Good Morning // Going to work, don't want to go, feeling low down / Heading for home, you start to roam, then you're in town / Everybody knows there's nothing doing / Everything is closed, it's like a ruin / Everyone you see is half asleep / And you're on your own, you're in the street / Good morning, good morning / Nothing has changed, it's still the same / I've got nothing to say but it's okay / Good morning, good morning

David Webster: We Can Work it Out // Think of what you're saying / You can get it wrong and still you think that it's alright / Think of what I'm saying / We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night / Try to see it my way / Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong / While you see it your way / There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long / We can work it out

Shifty Powers: All You Need is Love // There’s nothing you can make that can't be made / No one you can save that can't be saved / Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time / It's easy / Nothing you can know that isn't known / Nothing you can see that isn't shown / Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be / It's easy/ All you need is love

Skinny Sisk: Boys // I been told when a boy kiss a girl / Take a trip around the world / My girl says when I kiss her lips / Gets a thrill through her fingertips / Yeah, she say ya do / Well, I’m talking about boys / Don’t you know I mean boys / What a bundle of joy!

Renee Lemaire: Eleanor Rigby // Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name / Nobody came / Father McKenzie, wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave / No one was saved / All the lonely people / Where do they all come from? / All the lonely people / Where do they all belong?

Ralph Spina: When I’m Sixty-Four // I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone / You can knit a sweater by the fireside / Sunday mornings, go for a ride / Doing the garden, digging the weeds / Who could ask for more / Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

Albert Blithe: Blackbird // Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these broken wings and learn to fly / All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to arise / Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these sunken eyes and learn to see / All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to be free / Blackbird fly, blackbird fly / Into the light of the dark black night

John Janovec: A Day In the Life // I read the news today, oh boy / About a lucky man who made the grade / And though the news was rather sad / Well, I just had to laugh / I saw the photograph / I saw a film today, oh boy / The English army had just won the war / A crowd of people turned away / But I just had to look, having read the book

Herbert Sobel: I’m Looking Through You // I'm looking through you, where did you go? / I thought I knew you / What did I know? / You don't look different, but you have changed / I'm looking through you / You're not the same / You're thinking of me the same old way / You were above me, but not today / The only difference is you're down there / I'm looking through you, and you’re nowhere

Norman Dike: Nowhere Man // He’s a real nowhere man / Living in his nowhere land / Making all his nowhere plans for nobody / Doesn’t have a point of view / Knows not where he’s going to / Isn’t he a bit like you and me? / Nowhere Man, don’t worry / Take your time, don’t hurry / Leave it all ‘til somebody else lends you a hand

#band of brothers #fandom playlists #THIS BEAST #it is complete #music recs

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 7 years

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What if.... What if there really is true love...?

It's my turn. (Don't steal my work. My writings or my thoughts. They are mine I own them although I choose to share them. This may be a work of fiction or a work of non-fiction. That's not for you to decide. It is what it is. And only that) I have a voice and a right to be heard. I found Matt at the pool nearly dead. I then went to sleep and my soul stayed with him at the hospital while he was treated. Then. I went to the hospital to see him. Then he went into witness protection Then I found him again If we're going to be able to link my words to truth then... He's proof. That I know what I'm talking about. If we can substance that I know about what happened to him before I met him and we didn't make it up Then why can't two victims be with each other? You want to argue your point. But I have been searching for him for years. There's a story. If you tell it correctly it works I remember standing on the chair but it was Nathaniel's chair Im sure Raul was there... I was looking at Elijah on the ground by the pool and I stood on the rung of the chair to see better. The sun was glaring and I thought I was wrong... Raul told us to wash up and I saw my brother running behind me to go to the bathroom to do so Raul went and touched my side, under my armpit, where a bra goes. He said "go wash---no no no not again!" "He's alive!!! We need help!!" I said turning my head to Raul "Go! Go!" He told me and he ran to the phone. I can still feel my feet burning as I ran outside across the concrete near the location where the bunny was dumped after it had been brutally raped and tortured I remembered the bunny with a rope burn around his neck. I stopped midsecond although it felt like forever until I could see Elijah's soul move towards me... In his body.. but it was like his body moved towards me, turning on his side but when I looked down, because I was staring at the grass, the same way I had stood not looking at the bunny wishing that the bunny would run into the nice cool plush grass and play, hoping that the only trouble was trying to catch him. I looked down and I knew Elijah was also done. I felt my chest, my heart hit me right in the middle with a double beat and instantly felt nauseous I went down to my knees. I felt like I just dropped. Like fell but I felt fine and found myself cross legged next to him. Raul was at the back door he was about to come towards me but yelled inside to keep the kids in. My brothers and my sister friend Jules. I was scared and so cold. I wanted to cry and sleep. I wanted to lay with Elijah as I did with the other dead bodies Jesse had killed. But I soon saw a shadow above us. I closed my left eye tight hoping it wasn't Jesse "What are we doing?" Asked Raul I sat up "oh I was just going to lay down for ---" a minute I was going to say although we all knew I would done it forever until Jesse rolled me into the pool to drown me. "He's not wet. He wasn't in the pool" "Yeah I know but is he dead?" "He looks like it but he's---" "No! I hear a groan, he's speaking! He's still alive! Get inside!!" " No! I want to help! Don't make me" "Don't make me she says like I know what she's talking about. You want to help? Take your shirt off! No! Wait! Where is the blood coming from?!?! Help me lift him up! As if I need help!" He lifted up Elijah's two year old body "look! No don't look! What am I doing? Sabrina! Get in the hou----" I had already looked and I looked into Raul's eyes, he was talking so fast and no way I could listened in chronological order, he had too many demands. He was looking around the yard to see who or what was around but when he went to direct me, he looked at me and saw I was watching him. "Okay so you didn't look" he looked towards the "bunny grass" I touched Raul's forearm, he had Elijah's limp body leaned against it. "He's not wearing a diaper" "What? so?" "Do you want my shirt to stop the bleeding?" "God no Sabrina, that's the last thing I need." He had leaned back and pulled Elijah into his arms, into his lap, against his chest. Trying to cradle him. To pick him up "like married woman over the threshold" "The police are already here" I saw them in Navy blue coming out the backdoor. I started to cry just as I am now... Except then it was relief and now it's from sadness. Old lady sadness. This was 32 years ago. Raul ran towards the police and ambulance attendants with Elijah in his arms. I was so surprised and relieved to see that Raul literally jumped to his feet with Elijah in his arms without any trouble. I felt okay, I could rest. I had a troublesome night with night terrors and had woke up sweaty more than once, I was exhausted. I saw Elijah's shirt was ripped up the back as Raul laid him on the stretcher. Everyone was so calm. The concrete that once burned me provided relief to my body as I laid on it, my eyes half open to prevent the sun's glare from giving me another headache like the ones I had been given all night. The concrete felt so good. Warm not scalding although I could still feel the scalding on my feet. "Sabrina! Get up!" Raul yelled after exchanging worried glances after I had been pointed at by a man in uniform "what's wrong with her?" "Not a goddam thing" "I'm just asking" Raul's wife was disabled so he knew alot about nurse stuff. He had taken community college classes to learn how to take care of her daily and in an emergency. So. He was arguing with the EMTs!!!!!!! But after seeing me laying, he ran towards me, although he just looked like he was walking like everything was normal, he was so fast. I would had to run. So I say he ran. He cradled me after I sat up. "You need to take care of Elijah" "No, I think I need to get out of their way. Sabrina what the hell are you talking about?!?!?! Who is Elijah?!?!" He had his arm around my ribcage, under my armpit and he shook me as he slid under me to pick me up "married man style" "God. I. Nothing." I figured that now was not the time that I saw him in my dreams in the forest being tortured by Jesse. I didn't know how to explain and I felt other things were more important. "Where is he?" "They're taking him in, and to the hospital. Come on let's go in. We gotta eat!" As we went in the back, we saw through the darker house, Elijah being pushed out the front door, engulfed in sunlight. Raul put me down just inside the back door, the cold tile soothing my scorched feet. I sat in Jules' mom's chair as it was the closest. No way could I stand. Sitting up was less difficult in the cold air conditioner of the house. I sat until the chair was claimed and crawled across the top of the table to my own chair. Raul was carrying food to the table and I slid right under the bowl. I had timed it just perfect and slung myself ass first right into the chair, my legs flying behind me "That was pretty good. But don't do it again" Raul's smile left me to believe that I could and he wouldn't get mad.... Although later I tried and he swatted me for it.... Having 4 kids didn't suit him so well under stress. Me and my brothers came to live with him after my mother did henieous things to us and other children. First it was just me. But then my dad told us that my brothers were being abused at their foster home. So got them removed AND got the ladies fired and banned from ever having foster children again. Raul was great as a one on one dad. But one on four and taking care of his disabled wife? He wasn't so fun. It made me sad. But I knew that having my brothers there was something to be proud of. So I always straightened myself up and behaved, for his sake. If I was good, his life was easier and he was happier and things were better. I had to give him respect, because he deserved it. Sure he demanded it at times but that was usually when I was trying to make him laugh and I soon learned that he didn't laugh twice in a row at the same thing. He needed more adventure in life. Life was mundane, if he thought about it. Slaving for his family. But when he thought about it, he would smile. He would cry. Tears in the corners of his eyes. Happy. Proud. Scared. He grew up without a family. And here he was, working with my father to raise one. My father came every time he got off the ship, when they docked from scouting the river for danger and other things, often times I would find him sleeping with my older brother in the living room floor. He was the most messed up. And Jules' Gramma, our Gramma said that best way to cure us was with love. So for Raul life was so much more than taking care of a bunch of kids. It was him healing from his own childhood, providing everything he ever wanted to have or give to kids that really didn't belong to him, but did, because my dad said so. My dad would go in his uniform and Raul loved it when my dad would give "orders" to him while my dad wore his uniform. He would always make sure he was told each and every thing while my dad was in uniform. We had to go behind Raul's back and inform my dad that Raul specifically listened to each directive when my dad wore the uniform and would forget things he was told "randomly" I saw my dad one day go on a Sunday and put on his uniform so he could tell Raul what to do to fix his garage up. My dad said he would say it was cause he already had grease on it and didn't want to ruin his clothes. But Raul being the wife he was said "I didn't wash it right?" So Raul was then informed of our behind the back manuvers. Oh he tried to look mad at us but was so happy that we actually paid attention to him and tried to make him happier and life easier for him. The first time he met my dad he practically got on the ground and kissed his military boots. My dad said I wasn't allowed to be seated so if Raul did it absentmindedly, he literally had to kiss my ass The first time which was when I had double slid into the chair, he had me stand in it and I farted in his face. I totally didn't know what was gonna happen and I always had tummy issues and the event made the gas move. Oh well. Everyone laughed, including me, eventually. But those were different days.. from now... Raul now murdered by the same person that hurt Elijah.... Raul tried to put up a cheery front avoiding what had happened minutes before we sat to the table to eat. But ever curious and adorable Jules asked what had happened to the little boy. Raul began to cry as he tried to explain. The words came out, so anguished he was. He had began to speak... "The boy---" but was cut off by soft tears seeping into his eyes. My eyes did the same but I yellow cheesy eggs began to breathe very rapidly as Raul choked out the words "raped" and "slices across his back" the worst words possible came from deep in his chest. He only looked down at the Yellow cheesy eggs on a white Circle plate, his bacon looked lonely, shoved far from the eggs, more space than food on his plate. It wasn't like he was talking.. more like coughing. He was emotionally out of control. Scars from his past breaking open at our breakfast table. His heart torn apart from what happened to a small two year old boy, knowing the deep torture that had happened to him. The torture that happened to us. The torture which would not stop no matter how we tried to fight the bad, our good was not strong enough. I knew the feeling. That out of control tears. Tears I couldn't let fall. In my mind while he choked on emotions so hard he looked like he needed the Heimlich maneuver, I stood in the sunshine outside where two lives were left to be lost so we could watch and feel responsible for some crime we would never commit. I stood there hoping it was a dream, my feet began to burn again with pain as I tried to fight the truth I began to pass out. I caught myself on my younger brother's high chair. Nearly dead I fought for survival. I sprung to, looking up in the quiet of the room, Jules' and our mom stopped asking Raul if he was okay over and over and stared in horror at me, her mouth dropped open. My older brother ate with his fork. And Jules looked on at me. Raul looked over his plate, his chest heaving. His face so close to his plate, between him and it was only darkness. He looked like my father, had been given the honorary chair at the head of the table talking about the bruises left on the neck and shoulder of my younger brother. "Yep, I guess he is. You look like my dad" I said as I stood on the rungs on the chair I sat in and grabbed a white often well used plastic serving bowl from the middle of the table "here you didn't get potatoes" "I mixed them together" "No you didn't" said Jules' and our mom. "Oh these are just eggs, here you need some more, you don't have enough food on your plate" I repeated the words Raul often told me as he put more food in my plate, causing my tiny starved belly to become bloated and sick. I handed him the bowl so that I wouldn't do the same to him as he could fill his plate properly. He absentmindedly put food on his plate then "oh I remember, I put the potatoes in the oven while the little boy..... Oh jeez. I'll be... I'll be right back. Man I'm sorry" He looked so defeated that maybe he would go hang himself in the garage "Where are you going?" Mama tried to down play her fear "Oh nothing I just forgot the potatoes" he came back with the egg bowl with the eggs pushed to one side and the potatoes at a much higher half. "Sorry y'all" he mocked the Alabama lingo and tried to be silly as he put blackened poatatoes and onions on our plates. When he got to me I put my hand up asked him to get his first and I took the tiny spoonful left over. "You know this shit ain't gonna grow me tits or anything, I can't eat alo----" I looked up at the table because it was dead still "Sabrina shut up!!!!" said our slightly overweight Jules whom had recently became sensitive about her size. I slumped and pouted in my chair "that's not what I meant. It was something Jesse said that was different than what you think I mean I said" "Jerk" she went to eat with her fork but looked at Raul "can I eat or is this going to make me fat?" "Jules" her mom said tiredly and as stern as she could muster which wsnt much at all. The way she said it reminded me of why they named her that.... "You might as well be jewelry" "Sabrina shut up" "Now you're picking on her" Raul looked more angry than necessary. Which made me sit straight in my chair, ready to fly in front of Jules to protect her. I knew there was no reason to so I waited "Sabrina and I just found a dead boy in our yard and she's trying to make you happy. Least you could do is smile" "I don't wanna!!!" "Hey. It's okay!!! I woke her up last night because I had nightmares and she played dollhouse with me until she feel asleep in the carpet when it was my turn" "Did you help her up again into the bed like I told you to?" He asked looking at his biscuit while he pulled it apart with his elbows in the table Making the biscuit eye level. "Yes I did even though you told me to do it when you wasn't in uniform" ..... So then he went around, borrowing my dad's uniform. But he felt it was inappropriate to pretend to be in uniform.. to pretend to be a military man... Exactly.. so he wore my dad's button up shirt over his white wife beater, open. Then we would look at him telling us to do something and he would close the shirt and say "see? I'm wearing it" He told my dad about it when my dad came home and my dad laughed and laughed for ages. So Raul had him help him on his car and my dad came in my bedroom when it was Naptime and switched on the light, marched all mad to the closet bitching "he acts like I ain't a dam boat mechanic" all butt hurt in his heart. I got a little scared in my heart because my dad was upset and we were in the "safe place" No reason to get upset. So my dad marched out, then swept back in and turned off the lights then lightly closed the door. I laid there during the Naptime he just invaded, my heart bumping in fear and worry. Everyone listened at Naptime. We liked it. We were chaos. Total chaos. when it was just me and Julie we didn't need Naptime so much. And we would sneak into each other's rooms and play. Usually she would get me and I would follow her even if I wasn't sleepy. But her dad found out after my brothers came because she got way bitchy if she didn't nap so I had to have her go in 3 times while I pretended to sleep before I could get up. So I was pretending to sleep when my dad came in. I tried to relax and only think about his face as he closed the door. Calm and kind. I finally relaxed enough to close my giant once terrified eyes when my door opened again and my dad came in laughing like crazy. I was practically crying because I didn't know what was going on and my dad was upset and it had to be at Raul or Julie's mom because I heard no yelling at the kids or anything. Raul didn't yell alot but he would be all "HEY!!" sometimes even during Naptime but Julie usually would bitch about it if he did... He would apologize but usually would end up doing it again until Julie eventually made his heart break on one very tired rainy day. I didn't want my dad to be upset at my foster parents. They were the nicest people in the world and my dad was really a good person, too, and it made me just sick to think they wouldn't get along. It, I believed, could get super bad for me and Julie. We already saw Raul take me from Denise. Then saw my brother's foster parents actually get away the privilege to have foster kids and my brothers taken from them and give to us. But if it wasn't for my dad, probably none of that would had happened. Because my dad wanted it to happen, probably even more than Raul. So I wondered "what's going to happen if they can't get along? Who would win?" Raul followed my dad around like a puppy. Raul had grown up in the system and had shitty homes he bounced from so my dad was the dad he always wanted. So my dad, although gone most the time, was the alpha male. And in the military and Raul mentioned more than once that my dad had more clout in the courts than even the judge himself. But it would break Julie's heart for it just to be her mom and dad and her again. She always talked about it. She loved it because it was quiet.. the only thing that was good would be that her Gramma would move back in. Except her Gramma literally lived only across the street. So Julie alwaaaays said that her Gramma moving back in wouldn't be good enough to make her happy if we all (mostly me) moved out. So I was deflated. Empty. Not knowing what to think when my dad all jolly laughing hysterically yet quietly came in the room. I jumped up to my ass, my feet in the metal part of the bed where the mattress went, and asked "what the hell happened?!??" "Who taught you to talk like that?" "You" I could tell my dad the truth and not get slapped around. He actually liked the truth even if it was not... How do you say.... Making him look pretty? Just bare, raw. That's how my dad liked shit. So he rubbed his grizzly stubble on my face and was all "everything is okay kid, just perfect and happy" said something about Raul not listening to him on the car and gave the whole system of the car they were working on. Apparently it was just an oil change but it was a headache because Raul wanted to do some fancy shit to his ride. He was a Latin King after all. Although out of the gang, a Latin King is still a Latin King and he still likes his ride show worthy. And successful. Not greedy but proud. And fancy. Although his favorite outfit was form fitting plain solid colors boxers and a wife beater. So then he told me to go back to sleep and he would tuck me in. I let him but argued that I hadn't been sleeping. And explained that I had to fake sleep so that Julie wouldn't try to skip nap in favor of the dollhouse and Barbies. Of course I usually had to be Skipper. One time I had been sitting up in the edge of my bed, my feet on the floor, my short 4 year old self leaning against the bed because I was too short to both sit on the bed and touch the floor, as Julie and I often talked about cause she was the same height. And I had to pretend to be asleep. She got all freaked out running to her parents screaming. And I just had to sit up and get out of the sheet and tell my dad about it. He laughed. Told me to get back in the bed and asked me when that had happened. "Last week" I answered after being tucked back in... Seeing as I literally just threw myself back into the bed and tossed the sheet in myself after I had very calmly and lady like climbed in as if I was an exhausted kid just moments before, it was less than a milisecond. He laughed, went to pull my curtains closed but I stopped him and said I lied them open He asked me why and I said "to check" he didn't need anymore information than that. He knew what I meant "Just make sure you close them at night." "You know why?" "Because people can see in" "No, why I like to check" He shook his eyes bright with happiness. "Well you know you're here. So who would I look for? Mom" He looked angry, instantly .I sat up and touched his knee with my palm, looked into his darkened eyes and said "but if she did, I would run screaming the other way. Some of the time, I just don't want nap" and snuggled back into bed. "Alright, come on" he grabbed me up by my left arm "come on, we got a bear hug and a piggy back ride!!" He carried me into the living room where we saw Raul "oh you're up! Let me get Julie!" "Nah it's okay, I just checked and that one is snoring" So I sat all happily squashed between my two dads quietly as they talked cars. My dad out his arm in the back of the couch and I could tell Raul liked snuggling with my dad as much as I did People talk about having gay parents.. I probably had the equalvilant. I'm okay with homosexuals, especially males, raising kids. Eventually my older brother, whom slept in the living room got up and sat with us. Raul tried to move us so that my dad was sitting between his two kids instead of Raul but my dad said no it was okay. But Raul explained it was probably better for him emotionally and so my dad said "oh why not" And Raul said "for real?" Raul's emotions we're so different when it came to my dad. With his disabled wife and us kids he was the boss, in charge. We fought him and argued him and gave him a difficult time all the time. But with my dad there was greater defeat, deeper surprise and horrible disappointment in himself when he thought himself wrong. Then my dad told him that Raul was right about the cars but that he knew different. Raul said "yeah I knew that. But let's switch" very soon my older brother was asleep, my dad's let his pillow. My dad's large hand resting in his back .it was coldest in the living room. So I knew my dad's hand was warm. And heating probably most of the kids body. When they moved there was more space between them so I was less as warm. So I got brother's blanket although Raul said I shouldn't... Later my brother got super bitchy about it... He's so fucking rude... Even now, 32 years later, he's still a self entitled jerk whom can't share... Well.. with me anyways. It's an awkward moment for him when he does... I don't really understand why he appears to be so awkward.... I try to be generous with thankfulness but usually he surprises me and I'm caught off guard. I think he likes a mumbled more shamed thankful anyways. Like an "oh well shit" thank you as oppose to an "omg thank you so much!" thank you. I guess the former, "oh well shit, surprise!" In a calm humbled tone is one that Raul often used... I don't think my brother remembers him much.. but even so, Raul has been ingrained into our soul. He left an impression upon us which, I do believe has left us empty. And we are always trying to understand what we don't know. Having nothing to cling to but memories and a mother whom would do anything to destroy them so we don't know who she really is so that we can never tell a soul what a miserable person she really is. I've never been the sort of loving sister or person that Julie was. She gave love and gave love like it was going out of style and had to give it all away. She didn't have that hard shell. The exoskeleton a person has to build up, living with evil. I have a very quiet love. And unfortunately for my brothers it's not often heard. Talking shit about our mother, that bonds us. That's about all, though. Well. That is our concrete floor. Without that; it's awkward quicksand. My mother is blind to how much we hold her responsible to our life. All negativity and issues with relationships we have as adults, we look at her. Because she's always trying to insert herself into our lives. Trying to control them. So we try to step back from each other so that we have a definite line between us and her. We're not fake with each other. But we do reserve our exoskeleton around each other because she likes to blame us for things that happened in our lives and we don't know what the other believes of what she's said. So yes. She's destroyed. And yes shes appeared to have won. But we easily combine forces against her... Which is why she tries to always keep us apart. She absolutely hates all three of us together. Especially me. The most vulnerable. The one most easily battered and betrayed by her. One by one, I count the ones that know the truth and have been hurt by her because they allow the past to stay in the past and give her another chance. One by one. *********** Elijah's name really isn't Elijah. We were allowed to see him at the hospital. He said "I sick" "I sick" kinda like Issac. But I liked the name Elijah better and since I found him, I got to name him. Eventually his father then his uncle came... We found out his name... You may know him... Born in 1982, he was just barely two years old when Jesse James kidnapped him and help him captive in the swamps by the house for three entire weeks then dumped his body to die by the pool. So we could feel responsibility and guilt. So he could say "I saw him laying out there the other day, thought y'all made him sit out there and dry by pool cause he did something bad." It was Christmas, nearly. Sure we swam sometimes. But Raul nor Julie's mom or my dad of all people would allow us to be outside and cold. We couldn't even let Gramma know we swam. She would blister us like crazy. The adults anyway, they wouldn't been able to sit for weeks!!!! But Jesse believed that someone would believe that Elijah was our kid and was punished so severely that he died. He wanted us to feel that guilt and shame. Wanted us to feel grief. But all the world is delighted, especially all the girls when they see that eye candy named Matt Hagan. Must I say... The FBI was telling me about this fight Jesse and Matt got into at work... Jesse... I was told like this "Jesse was just wearing sweat pants, all low on his hips, no shirt. With his sweat pants all low, his hips showing, you know how sexy he thinks that is" And I said "wait. Jesse? Like yesterday? Cause he's fat. Are you sure his pants weren't just stuck under his fat roll?" **********"** We kept "I sick" We were allowed to until his family was found. Three months. In that time, he went from "I sick" to "I Elijah" to "Me? I'm my baby" Julie knew my dad and she had met my mom. she had a mom and dad. She knew her parents had parents. So she always asked "whose baby is he?" Julie's mom would say "my baby" Well fuck I got pissed off. I found the kid. Climbed in his bed in the hospital. Checked on him every five minutes. Made him smile more than anyone. That mean old lady would be all "my baby" she stayed in bed because of her pain so she would be all "get him" when was into something... Usually standing two inches from the TV. He was a little one. He was. He was sneaky. So so so sneaky. He would peek out his corner of his eye to see who would get him. He would not move unless it was me. Julie would move him five times but keep doing it until she opened the door to get me. Then he would move and be still. He tied to find a way to be with me and outside that bedroom door. Because my little brother was there, only one the baby locks were on the door. So finally I taught little "my baby" how to open the door. My freedom was never more. He became my shadow. So I potty trained him. Raul helped. Little "my baby" was a perve!!! That's what Julie said. I didn't now anything. Only adults raped little kids that's what I thought. I was educated that kids don't have sex. At all. So in the middle of the night when "my baby" put my hand on his diapered dick, I thought he had to pee. Well times have changed.. I guess soon enough he will be in a dam diaper again... We're getting mighty old. So dam old. I'm like Julie's mom now... I'm in constant pain. I can't walk or do anything, like she was. But my baby. He ran the house. He told Raul what was up. One time we messed with the blinds. My dad aid to keep them closed at night. I didn't want my baby to know pain and suffering. Not pain he already felt. The white bandages that covered his whole back for three weeks. And the band-aids that covered his back for a month after. I didn't want him to know there was more than one person that would do that to him. So we kept them closed. Before my baby came, I always opened the blinds for the sunlight but after, we used the lights. The room was actually more brighter. So one day, my baby was curious and pulled the string. It pulled them up all crooked. We tried to fix them but couldn't. So we told Raul. But he told me, being the ever wore to my father and that we had to wait because my dad was coming home and he had to get the house ready. Which meant washing the beds and clothes and everything. Going to get groceries. Looking at the sale ads so he could feed my father the best but the most economical. Shrimp. Fillets. Steak. Salmon. It took him a week. And he was on edge running around like a meth addict. Julie's mom asked him one time if my dad was gonna get sex, too.... Well for obvious reasons. She didn't get any and was confused because usually she did but he was paying all his attention to my dad. Raul was flustered to death. So Matt went following Raul around bugging until Raul went to cook. Boy loves his food still to this day (man those adult diapers. Good thing he's rich in cash because ew) so he was all "okay I'm going to go play now but you fix--" "When I get the chance" "When you get the chance. I want it done, like right. If I could do it myself I would" "KID!!! Sabrina! Get that kid outta here! I'm gonna cook and I do want him to get burnt, he's up my shorts already!!! Dang!!!" the he looked at the stove "fuck what the hell am I doing in here?!?" "Not sex. And YOU know we need those blinds fixed!!" "SABRINA! DANG!!" "Okay I'm going! Come on baby Elijah" "I'm not Elijah, uh uh. I'm baby. I'm baby Matt. I know this. And my back" he spun around with his hands on his life handles, if he was a dog or cat he would been chasing his tail, but he was trying to look at his back so he could point good "my dad didn't do this. Nuh uh. That man in the woods, he done this. My name Matt." "Matt? What kind of name is that? You're baby Elijah, come on SHE said" told Julie. "I'm Math-ewyou. And in gonna bust her up" he stomped on my toe "know my name!!" "What the hell?!?! You can't do that!!" told Julie We were in the opening between the dining room and living room. In the dance floor space. Raul kind of liked us there but not past the bar height counter because that was the kitchen and he didn't kids under foot cause he went high paced fast and didn't pay attention to anything but his cooking, because, he says. That's what makes a good cook. Food first. He was very proud of his culinary skills "I eat, I kick you" little my baby with the big attitude tried to kick her but I grabbed him under his arms and swung him back so he would not. She fell all dramatic anyways like the girls being beat by their men on TV. "Julie, get up and go!" "What?" She liked up under her long blonde wavy silly hair "Go on, baby got a bad attitude!". He's said "I'm Matt" like 16 times already. He was out of control. Sometimes he hit us when we played Barbies because we tried to treat him like a baby and put him down for naps All day. We would give him a Barbie to play with on the bed. But he "want to be with us girls" he thought "playing barbies" was "just us being us girls" cause that is what Julie would tell him . He didn't realize he was a boy and he was being exiled. But this was crazy. He had mad face and was all pointing at himself... Which was putting a fist in his chest, mostly and saying "I'm Matt" "I'm Matty" "I'm math-yoooou" "Im not Elijah and I'm going to get you!" So Julie, being the Julie whom never learned that you should put blankets under the bed in case you had to hide for safety and you might get cold, jumped up, shaking her long blonde hair behind her and ran up and down the hall with her arms held high in the air, fist pumping "I'm alive! I'm alive!" As much as my baby was saying he was Matt. So I stepped into the boundaries of the kitchen while my baby was distracted by Julie. "Back" because when I say boundaries I mean straight up next to Raul, pressed against his side "He's doing it again" "What's that? Back" "Saying 'im Matt' well that he's Matt, that Matt kid" "He's still the same kid. What's the story behind all this?" I followed him at his heels "well not really. He had a life before us. You even say so yourself. He had a family. A family that might hurt him and us" "What's the story?" "He's had a Matt life" "Up" "that no one knows about, not even us" "Up. Lift your arms up" "What the hell for?!" I had my back to the stove 5 feet away, facing Raul and shoved my hands into my armpits. He patted the counter "so I can put you up here" "Oh I can do that" I opened the drawers underneath and climbed the faster than he could think "I don't want you following me around. I told you guys not to do that!!! Shut!!!" I thought my legs were super long and tri d my best to reach with my giant toe without falling off to shut the very bottom drawer which I had pulled out the farthest to build a staircase. He challenged me to shut them all or he could get hurt and fall on the ones left open, especially the bottom one, which had already happened. I slid off the counter "I'm sorry, I can't" but still shoved my hands into my armpits because I wanted to build the stairway. he picked me up anyways by pressing my arms to my sides and picking me up by my shoulders... He asked my dad later if it was safe to do so. My dad said as long as it didn't hurt. It didn't. A little cause my fists but we did it with hands flat or arks to the sides. It was easier for Raul. And we liked it because it was different. I did my daughter the same when she got too heavy for me. "The story. Which is it? The stairway or the boy? Cause I ain't listening to the stairway. I ain't I ain't. What's the matter with you anyway?" I listened the most out of all the kids I was most respectful and polite after Julie, anyways. And she was super good. "He hit Julie! He really wants us to know he's this Matt kid!!" "Same kid. And he did not hit Julie. Don't lie. I saw the whole thing" "Then what the hell did he do then?!?!" "He -- will you quit talking like that? I'm raising a hellion! Your dad is gonna think, what's he gonna say?!?! I don't talk like that!" "Yes you do!" "Oh I say dang" "And you say fuck and I've heard you say shit before" I counted on my fingers "and cum sucker, I think that's a bad one" Raul was getting red and shy "well me and my dad, we already talked" "When? What about what?!" "Last week!" "With you everything was last week--hey!! Cut that shit out!! Excuse me!" We went to rush off "don't move! Boy! Get him!" That's me. Taking care of my baby. Always me. Been taking care of kids since 1983. Raising them all and raising them all right. If people would just quit messing them up, I'd be alright. "We'll get me down!" Before he could that baby stormed the kitchen "I'm Matt!!" "Oh boy, you got something to say!" Raul picked him up and put him to my right side further from the stove and thank God, too. Because that boy was pissed off!!!! "I'm Matt. I'm Matt. She asked me last night. I waited all day to tell you. I'm Matt and I'm Matt hey again and I'm here to tell you" Raul was yelling for Julie because she got hurt her daddy didn't pick her up first. And he was yelling hard. "JULIE!!" Forcing the air from his chest. Matt got real subdue. Put his head down to his chest. I put my arm around his shoulders because his shoulders had healed first so when we slept I put my arm around his shoulders just under his neck so his neck didn't get stiff. And like Raul learned he was easier to control by grabbing the shoulders as oppose to arms cause he would dead weight, fall down and run off. "Hey, know me. It's okay. It's okay. No one is gonna hurt you" "I'll go get Julie" the brave but freightened child whom had missed his second birthday with family and friends because he was tired to a tree out in the swamp woods said as he spun and tried to slide down the counter like he does on the beds. About halfway down his eyes got big with surprise. He could not find the floor!! But the floor found him!! Boy fell flat on his back, his eyes rolled back in his he's and his eye lids flittered. "I'm dead. I'm dead! I'm dead for sure! This is it, I'm gone now" he repeated the words Jesse taught him, Jesse believing that those words would take the boys, kill him straight to death. I was absolutely amused. I couldn't hear him, he was muttering but Raul bent down to "hear his last words" (oh this is a knee slapper y'all) Eventually I got his embarrassed little self up "and Raul!!!" Boy got up yelling "you get in there and fix those blinds!!" At that moment I saw who he learned to yell from. I saw his father. His no non sense father whom shamed his son for anything he did wrong. Julie was peeking around the corner just as Raul fake bumped his head on the counter side. Then fell backwards "I can't!! I'm dead!! I'm dead!! I can't get up!!" Julie knelt besides him "I got this. You got and get the doctors kit" she told.me and looked down to her daddy as she pressed on his chest "now daddy, I want you alive now. Now come on" "Excuse" I stepped over Rauls legs leaving my baby behind as I exited the kitchen to the Julie's room "Now don't tell Mama, we don't want mama to worry. I got you now. You'll be alright" she bent to listen to his heart. "I will need the stethoscope" she looked into my baby's eyes "I'll get! I'll get!" Matt started to run off but stopped and held out his hand "I'll get this and I'm gonna get a momma. And you feed this blinds!!" He bent over Raul's 'limp and lifeless body' "You Hear? You Get them Blinds Fixed!!" Matt fretted. It was obvious that his father treated him the same way when he did something wrong. Like made a mess. And Matt had messed the blinds. So he fretted in shame and worry. He was scared. But he didn't show it He went in the bedroom. I was in my room, having just skirted in from Julie's room, not knowing where we played last. I was yelling down the hall "he's dead!! Everyone is dead!!" "Except you!" Said Julie's mom "and me! What are we gonna do about in here!! I need help" "I'm coming! I'm coming!!" Said my 4 year old self. Ready to take on and save the world... Not at the same time like I do now... Because I didn't believe that was possible. And I'm just barely learning it, 32 years later. "Hey you look at you alive now" I bent my knees to hug my shadow, because his back was so tore up I still don't hug him normal, just squeezed his arms to his shoulders. He took a huge breath like Raul was about to put him under water. I stood up quizical cause that was weird. We were In The bedroom. I was all wtf you He said "bend down to me" and pointed towards his ear and wiggled his hand a bit m. So I did. Like he was gone tell me secret. The he took a big ole breathe again so I stood up. "You okay? You getting asthma?" Hell no. This boy took a big ole breathe and he made his lips like a kiss with his puffed out cheeks and jumped up and kissed me!!!! I fell straight to the floor!!! Matt started jumping around like he made a touchdown on the football field. Raul came to the door soon "come on I'm dead in the kitchen, I gotta go get momma so she can see" Matt's eyes got huge "stay here!!" He put his hand out to me like a stop sign. I started to follow but Raul said if we wanted "the babies" to listen to us (me and Julie), we had to listen to them. So I sat down, cross-legged in the floor. Curious and tried to wait patiently, I was training my tummy not to get curious. It was only supposed to eat food, not thought. It had to slow down and be calm. So I was meditating, getting calm like when I would fall asleep trying to stay up so Denise could not barge in to get me while I was asleep. I had my head in my chest. "Well what'd you do?" Matt looked down at me. For once I was shorter than him. I jumped up and said "nothing I was waiting" His eyes lit up. "Sit down again!" "I was just waiting this time. My tummy" "Now lay" he had me by MY shoulders and was gently laying me back onto the floor the way Julie and I do him when we wanted to play girl stuff. My legs lifted so I could get my balance so I could jump up. But Raul said. To get him to listen, we had to listen but I also knew that we would time his real identity if we did... So I had tears seep out of my left eye. Raul came back to the door way and said "what you doing? Come on let's get up! I'm getting momma" "Didn't you just say that?!" I tried to get up to look after him. "No don't get up" he gently pushed me to the floor "shhhh. Now. She" he laid down next to me "now let's take a nap" before we would fall asleep we would talk. The night before he asked me who my mom was because I dditn call Julie's mom mom or by her name like I did Raul. I called her "Julie's mom" before the boys came I called her "your mom" "you" and "that other lady, the mom" that's why he messed the blinds. I had told him I used to look out the window for her. I didn't say she was bad but he knew. I told him what she drove. A twenty year old Mustang coupe. He had decided that he was gonna protect us and watch for her since we would not let him play. Okay so he eventually looked like a meth head tweaker.... 2 years old tweaking out the window. So we laid there. He didn't like Raul coming in the bedroom so he got up, closed and he locked the door. No one had ever done that but Jesse James and when he did he raped me and ripped apart my insides just like he did to Matt's back. I got sick. My tummy wanted to eat thoughts and alot of them!!! I started to hyperventilate. Matt just laid next to me on the carpet. He just barely laying on me. So I told myself to calm down. Jesse had never done that to me. "Now I love you" "I'm gonna be sick" Jesse and my mom told me that same thing. I was gonna be sick for real. i sat up. My baby jumped up and looked into my eyes. "Hey. I'm Matt. Know you too. Now lay down" he gently guided my shoulders to the carpet which texture bothered my skin which was unusual. "No one is going to hurt you" he put his hand flat on his chest like I did "now I'm Matt. "Right now, I'm I can't. My skin" I wiggled on the carpet, Trying not to feel like I was going to die. "I'll get you a blanket" he got up and got me a blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders and under my head. "You okay?" I had recognized that he was speaking to me and treating me like I did him. So my heart was very still and calm. I guess I felt the way that I made him feel. "Yes. Oh my God yes. I am thank you" I wiggled into the blanket like I had seen Julie's mom do when Raul helped her. I tried smiling like she did. It felt good m "I think I'm safe. I am.arent I?" .my baby looked into my eyes sadly. "Now I'm Matt. And I'm going to go away one day" he stayed seated on his ass and he held my hand. "your eyes got big. You look scared. You're gonna cry. I get that. I know. I woke you up while you were sleeping last night" he pointed to the bed angrily, then to the ceiling "good not good" he pointed to himself with his fist. His other hand wasn't holding mine anymore. It was pinning my hand down to the floor. "Hey! What are you doing?! Hey! I can't get up!!" He was leaning over me. One hand by my waist the other by my shoulder. And he was leaning towards my face. He sat back "hey I'm being romantic!!" I rolled around, thankful for freedom "you can't be romantic to me!! I'm your sister!!" I saw Raul had unlocked the door and told me "I'm right here. I'll be outside this door. Okay? You need me. Just yelled help" "Now Raul!!" Matt was obviously disturbed by the disruption. And was about to get up. I put my hand out, "no wait. Help!!! I need help!!!" Matt jumped back from me as if he had been burned. The light from the hall spilled into the bedroom. I laid back down and felt the air around me. "I'm okay. Thank you. I was just testing" I breathe led with relief. We talked about sex, ever since I had been there. Both Julie and I had been molested by Denise. So they had to set us straight about itm. And since then I had been raped while in their home and so had my baby, although that happened in the swamp. We were very open about everything m nothing was taboo m So Raul knew that we knew and Raul knew that maybe Ines just testing but maybe he should intervene. So he got down into the floor with us. "What are you trying to do?" Matt put his palm out "I'm, I love her and I'm trying to tell her I'll marry her" "Okay then tell her" Raul didn't mind at all. Not a bit. "I'm telling her. But you need. Get out get out Raul!!" He turned to me, barely two years old he is "I'm gonna marry you. I'm telling you. I will. Watch this" Raul had listened. And he left the door open and put the door stop in. "Leave it" and Matt had agreed to leave the door open and added "but don't come in" "And be gentle. Like I saidm gentleman only" I had a feeling that they already talked about this. And to my father as well. Matt turned to me and put his ear on my heart. "And you're okay. Now watch" he gently took my chin and turned it to the doorway. Julie and I always played until dinner. Raul would tell us the food was done and he would get her mom while we finished our story in our dollhouse. Then he would tell us that it was ready for us to eat. So I hadn't seen Raul help momma to the dining table in a long long time. I thought it was weird and kinda made me uncomfortable. But whatever. He used to take Julie to the table the same way and tried to take me but I really felt vulnerable and didn't like it. So iforgot about those early days But Matt was so gentle m my room was dark and the air was cool and the light was like a beacon. I watched skinny old Raul carry Julie's mom down the hall, through the opening. I started to get up. But Matt stuck out his hand and stopped me "Don't get up" "But I want to watch!! You told.me to! I'd rather be anywhere but here!" Some of a bitch if that boy didn't listen.n he tried to pick me up!!! Wtf!!! "No no no, you little boy!!" He puffed out his chest "but I'm a man!! I'm Matt hey again! And you'll see me again my love!" He went to take my hand. I started laughing!!! Thankfully Raul came again... "Raul! I'm not finished! Dinner can wait!!" "I'm dead in the kitchen, I keep telling you, Julie has to fix me." "No. Nu uh. You're in here! And get out!!" He put one hand near my knees then another near my neck "corm here my love" You know how some kids watch much tv? This one watched too much Raul. One day... Maybe... I'll finish the story... But right now... Nhra is coming on in 11 minutes. I have to pee again and I got some egg rolls to make for breakfast or lunch or dinner whatever it is maybe supper... I guess really tho.. no one is interested in a 32 year old story... They are wondering about the one now... The one that is the future. Not the past. I heard how the past repeated itself. That's why we have to learn history. So we don't repeat the bad parts. Sometimes people change ... Scary becomes good... Independence becomes a burden when loneliness takes over... or when someone really loves you....

#true love #Matt Hagan #2017 #amnesia #secrets #why I been quiet for over a year #my life

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casuallyglitterykryptonite · 7 years

Text

A New Life (Sam Drake)

Hey!

Here is my latest Sam X Reader requested by utara-north ! Sorry if this took awhile I’ve been swamped with my classes lately since this semester is almost over. I hope everyone has a happy Friday night! :)

Characters: Sam x Reader

Warning: none

Word Count: 2,665

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“I’ll have a black coffee”

“Uh, just water with lemon.” Sam turned to me a look of confusion on his face.

“You okay?” His eyes were fixed on me as if I was a crazy person.

“Yes.” I said adamantly

“Well I’ll have that right out for you two.” Our usual waiter disappeared back into the restaurant.

“Why no coffee? We come to this place because you love their cappuccinos.”

“I’m just not in the mood today.” I shrugged casting my eyes back down to the menu that I already had memorized. Sam and I came here almost every Sunday for brunch. Other couples had date night but we did brunch on Sundays which then consisted of us going on a walk around town. We would window shop and then he would drag me to some museum or historical sight that had to due with his up and coming job. My favorite’s were the art museums because Sam didn’t usually have as much to say ‘Art speaks for itself’, he would always tell me. The two of us had been together almost 4 years now but we have been married 2. We started out as young lovers until life caught up with us and I was a full time college student and he was off doing what the Drake’s do. I never thought I would see him again, he was always the one that got away until we stumbled upon each other at an art auction in Venice. To my dismay he dragged me into his heist and from then on I never looked back. Now it’s 4 years later and we are sitting here at our usual cafe, eating our usual food, talking about which stores I wanted to stop into and what historical sight he would be taking me to today. The only difference now is that I’m pregnant with Samuel Drake’s child and he had no clue.

“Are you listening?” I quickly looked back at Sam his brow furrowed in annoyance. He turned around looking behind him at the people walking past us and then to the cars passing by. “What are you looking at?” He questioned looking around in the warm summer air again as if he missed something.

“Nothing, sorry I zoned out.”

“So this is what it feels like when I don’t listen.” Rolling my eyes he smirked that charming smirk of his. This was all to true.

The day was perfect, it was just the right temperature, the sun was out, we had gotten our favorite seat in the outdoor section of the restaurant, our food was better than usual. Everything was perfect, this would be the ideal moment to tell my husband I was pregnant but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. I was scared. Sam and I never really talked about having a family, I just assumed it might not happen because he loved to travel and hated the idea of staying in one place for to long. I never pictured myself having kids and I know Sam was the same way, but now this was a reality the two of us had to face. I just had to tell him that his whole life was about to change.

“You feeling okay today babe?” I turned to my lovely husband who had been complaining about the price of the shoes I had in hand.

“Yeah, why?” I asked placing the box back.

“No, no, no, you’re getting those I saw how your eyes lit up when you saw them.” Sam picked the box back up “It’s like you’ve been in a daze all day, I feel like I’ve been talking to a wall.”

“Sorry sweetie” I kissed his cheek feeling his stubble against my lips. His toned arm wrapped around my waist stopping me as I tried to walk away.

“You know avoiding the question isn’t helpful.”

“These heels are gonna look great with that little black dress of mine.” I mumbled against his neck not wanting to discuss this right now.

“Maybe you can show me when we get home?” I shivered as his voice became low and gravely. “Then after you can tell me what the fuck is wrong.” He stepped back looking at me seriously now.

“Samuel” I warned. He knew how I was, yet he always pushed when it came to me being upset, almost like he needed to know.

“Babe, I worry.” His vice turned back to its normal tone no longer gruff.

“I know.” A sigh fell from his lips as I ran my fingers through my soft hair.

“Come, lets by the shoes then we can go to home.”

“No museum?” I called after Sam as he walked to the register.

“I’d much rather see you in these heels and that black dress.”

My body felt limp and hot as I lay in my bed covers covering my naked body. I turned my head looking out the window at the beautiful summer day that was coming to a close. The sky was turning purple, orange peeking through the transparent clouds. It was humid in our small apartment our AC was broken leaving both me and my Sam in a constant sweaty state, even more so right now. This apartment is going to be too small to raise a child in, we are gonna have to move. Fuck, can we even afford to move? Do we have the proper finances to raise a kid, you know give them, it a good life. Am I gonna get fat? Shit, I’m gonna get fat.

“That was amazing.” Sam’s sleepy voice mumbled against my ear as he pulled me closer to his warmth, our bodies intertwined. “What are you thinking about?” His voice was so hushed and loving I just wanted to cry out of frustration. Having a child is not something that can be taken lightly, our lives were going to change dramatically and it’s not like we had the choice to give it back if we didn’t want to be parents anymore.

“About how much I love you.” I turned to face him seeing a little smile on his lips, his hazel eyes hidden from his drowsiness.

“Hm, me too.” I could see the sleep taking over his rugged, handsome, perfect, tan, peaceful face. Wow, I love this man. Maybe having a child with him won’t be a bad thing.

“I’m gonna get started on dinner.” I kissed his face slipping out of bed. “You can stay in here and rest I know you’re tired.” He grunted in response sleep taking over his body.

I couldn’t help but admire his toned body along with his handsome face.

“No stay” He groaned out.

“Sam-“

“Food can wait I want to hold you.” His offer was impossible to refuse. Crawling back into bed I laid there in his warm embrace our sweat soaked skin sticking together as our heart beats synched. He was the love of my life despite, the smoking, grumpiness when stressed, the distance when he was away for work, and the obsession with pirates, I still loved him endlessly. It took a toll but nothing could make this man anything but perfect. Another week went by and I found myself at the same restaurant in our favorite seats outside the summer air humid casing my hair to frizz. The only difference now was I was throwing up in the bathroom from morning sickness. I was walking back from the bathroom when I noticed Sam had ordered my drinks for me.

“You okay? You look pale.” He didn’t wait for a response as he quickly turned his attention to the drinks on the table “They had mimosa’s as a special today so I got you one.” He smiled at me clearly proud of himself. I couldn’t help the wave of guilt that came over my body. Sam was being so thoughtful, he knew I loved mimosa’s, well alcohol in general, but I couldn’t drink while pregnant. “Maybe if I get you drunk enough I’ll get laid.” He joked as I took my seat.

“Thank you so much sweetie, but I’m not really feeling alcohol today.” I placed my hand on his but the smile on his face didn’t falter.

“I had a feeling you’d say that so I ordered you a cappuccino too.” How did I get so lucky to have a man who thought this far in advance. “I’m really trying to get laid here.” His hand moved so he was now holding mine. His eyes were bright as the sun as he gazed at me making my body run hot.

“I, uh-“ I took a breath “I’m not really in the mood for coffee either” I shot him a guilty look as his face fell, all traces of happiness lost.

“Am I doing something wrong babe?” He searched my face for the answer because he knew I would lie.

“No not at all! You’re being such a sweetheart I just haven’t had the same taste recently.” I squeezed his hand for reassurance.

“Okay good, you’ve been worrying me. First you don’t want coffee, then you didn’t want eggs cuz the smell has been making you nauseous, and now you don’t want alcohol. It’s like your pregnant.” He laughed to himself. Sweat needed on my forehead at his words. I stared at him speechless. My face must have given me away because I watched as Sam’s face fell. “Wait you’re not pregnant are you?” My eyes began to well with tears as a dead give away.

“I uh-“ Then the hot tears started to roll down my flushed cheeks. The summer air stung as my vision became blurry.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, why are you crying!” Sam’s chair scraped against the ground as he moved towards me. “Do you not want kids?” His voice was closer as he was by my side.

“Sam I think we are making a scene can we talk about this later.” I pleaded trying to contain my light sobs. The feeling of his hand on my back gave me a slight sense of comfort but I was not ready to come face to face with Sam.

“Am I not suppose to be excited?” My head whipped to my husband who was kneeling beside pure joy radiating off of him.

“You’re actually happy?” I whispered in disbelief. He laughed standing back up, placing a firm kiss on my forehead.

“Of course I’m happy” and with that he took his seat. “We’ve been married for 2 years I kind of assumed you would start wanting kids. I know I use to say that was the last thing on my mind but having a kid or two doesn’t seem like an awful idea anymore.” Both of his hands were holding mine as I tried to gain my composure again. “Are you not happy?” His hands squeezed mine as if he was begging me to say I was.

“Yes I’m happy. I’ve just been scared to tell you.” I sighed feeling the weight of the world leave my shoulders.

“Holy shit, I’m going to be a dad! How long have you known?”

“You remember that day we went to Nate and Elena’s and she told you I was crying because we watched a sad movie? Well while you and Nate were setting up the grill I told Elena I was late and she made me take a pregnancy test.” I shrugged not being able to look at Sam but I could feel his fiery eyes on me.

“That was a month ago.” There was a long pause. “Shit we are gonna have to get a bigger place!” He sat back in his chair, running his finger through his chestnut hair our eyes meeting again. “Can we get him a trampoline when he’s old enough. I always wanted one as a kid.” Once again my eyes filled with tears at Sam’s words, I don’t think realized how cute he was.

“Yes of course we can! But he might be a she Sam.” I smiled unable to contain my joy at Sam’s reaction.

“Why are you crying?” concern filled his voice again.

“I’m just happy you’re happy.”

“Of course I’m happy!” His words rang through my ears as the final confirmation I needed “If its a boy we should name him Samuel and if it’s a girl then we can name her Samantha.”

“Isn’t that just a little vain” I laughed wiping my tears away. Sam grabbed my mimosa and quickly finished it in one quick swoop. “Slow down there mister if I can’t drink you can’t either.” His eyes widened in amusement.

“You’re really gonna make me have the same diet as you while you’re pregnant.”

“You’re suffering with me! You caused this!” I gestured to my stomach

“Oh, cmon-“

“That also means the smoking’s gotta go.” A smile spread across my lips as Sam reached into his back pocket and handed me his packet of cigarettes.

“It’s done. As of today it’s completely done.” Sam took out his wallet next and dropped a twenty on the table. “C’mon I wanna take you somewhere.” With that he stood up grabbing my hand and whisking me out of the restaurant.

I was still hungry but the curiosity of where Sam was taking me was out weighing the hunger. Wherever he was taking me was clearly not in walking distance because the two of us sat on the train heading towards the center of downtown. He had his arm around me as he told me all the amazing things he was going to do as a dad. We passed the stop that was suppose to be for downtown, now the train was taking us out of the congested part of the city towards the residential neighborhoods. The train pulled to a halt in an area I didn’t know too well.

“C’mon” Sam said as he grabbed my hand leading me off the train. We walked for awhile until he stopped us in front of a white rundown house with a for sale sign in the front yard. It had a large red sticker across the white sign that read ‘SOLD’ in big red letters. I looked from Sam to the two story colonial style house, butterflies filling my stomach. It was small and quaint with a decently sized front yard. The shutters were falling off and the paint was peeling. “I know it doesn’t look like much but Nathan said he’d help me fix it up.” Turning to my husband I stared at him in disbelief.

“What?”

“I was planning on fixing it up. I wanted to surprise you for our anniversary.” I was speechless.

“You bought me a house.” I stated deadpan.

“Yeah, you said you always wanted a white two story house preferably colonial style with black shutters, a red door, and a yard you could grow flowers in, but you didn’t want to leave the city. So here you’re still in the city but the residential part.” He paused staring at me for a reaction. “There’s a bakery a few blocks away and a park a few blocks that way.” He pointed in the direction of the house “When he, or she, is old enough I could be their soccer coach or something dadish like that.” Turning to Sam I could see my future is his eyes. “Do you like it? I know it’s not-“ Before he could finish his sentence I had jumped into his arms wrapping my own around his neck.

“This is beyond enough! this is more than enough! You are perfect!” I pretty much yelled as his arms wrapped around my waist holding me up.

“I can’t believe I’m gonna be a dad!” His excitement boomed through the summer air. Pulling back I saw tears in Sam’s eyes for the first time since our wedding day.

“We are having a baby” I whispered against his lips.

“We are gonna be parents” his voice cracked

#Sam Drake #Samuel Drake #Uncharted 4 #Same x Reader #Sam Drake x Reader #Nathan Drake #Nate Drake #Elena Fisher #Uncharted

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jflashandclash · 7 years

Text

Blood of a Mayan

Twenty-Seven: Ajax

Learning Nothing in Life is Free… Except Free Vouchers

There is no good way to apologize for death threats. Sure, you could send someone flowers and a note that said I’m sorry I threatened to kill you. Dinners on me, but that didn’t feel sincere. Pax could tell that’s exactly what Axel was thinking each time he glanced at Kally. Well, except without the dinner on me part, since that would be too much like a date and would be weird for all parties.

Once Axel gained full control of himself, he looked like he needed a two year vacation to Disneyworld. His eyes looked solemn and exhausted. His face was pale and sweaty. When he stood up, his legs wobbled.

Despite his danger status being at level newborn, Kally gave him a wide berth when she went to heal Leo Valdez. Pax figured it might be awhile before the two could partake in group hugs.

“What was your sister talking about?” Kally asked while kneeling beside the son of Hephaestus. She wouldn’t make eye contact with either of them, but took one of Leo’s hands into her lap. As she sang to heal his wrists, her voice quivered.

“I don’t know, but it sounded pretty end-of-the-worldy,” Pax said. He tried to think of something else to say to her that might explain away some of their actions or maybe something cheery like, “Good thing you have nightmares about Python every night so you don’t need to worry about Axel and I showing up.” That didn’t really feel appropriate.

Red Alert: The Silver Tongued Snake has run out of words.

Axel’s eyes drifted until they fixated on Pax. Had this not been Axel, a being that was—as far as Pax was concerned—a gift from the gods of Awesome and Wow, Pax would have said Axel looked scared and confused.

“We need to get all of you back to Camp Half-Blood,” he Axel. He staggered over to the work bench with the brightly colored beach towel. He grabbed it and walked to Backbiter. The blade still lay on the ground, glistening sinisterly in the moonlight and torchlight.

Both Kally and Pax flinched when Axel wrapped up the blade.

“You’re not seriously going to keep that sword are you? I mean, you go all ‘Here’s Johnny!’ when you touch the metal,” Pax said.

Axel frowned.

That was the worst Pax had ever seen Axel struggle with the Leonis Caput. Considering Axel had even been wearing a silver onesie and still looked terrifying, that meant this was pretty serious. That was the real monstrosity there: adult onesies.

“Help me get everyone back into the van,” Axel said.

By “help me get everyone back into the van,” Axel had really meant, “Watch me pass out in the back and do all the work for me.” After Axel collapsed halfway into the van and Pax dragged him the rest of the way inside. Pax took Hunnie out of his pocket and gently placed her on Axel’s face. Within moments, Baller hopped into the back and rushed to investigate the beach towel at Axel’s side. Experimentally, Baller bit at the material.

Pax hoped that the sword wouldn’t call some inner demon out of Baller. He really didn’t want to fight a ten foot long weasel wielding a sword and demanding beef jerky.

The next half hour was a little awkward. While Kally fixed up Leo, Pax raided the shack for leftover stew and to-go boxes. Pax even paid for the stew and wished he could write up a little citation notice for Leo about violating California Code SB-1221 from Officer Doofus. Leo wouldn’t remember who that was, but that might make it even better. Unfortunately, he figured Kally wouldn’t be in the mood to transcribe for him.

Pax swiped a few of those vouchers his mom had mentioned off the counter and walked outside to meet Kally.

She’d finished fixing up Leo and managed to drag him onto the work table beside Calypso. While Pax was inside pillaging, she must have gathered her messenger bag. Pax frowned when she saw her hand defensively on her Argonaut statue.

“I stole each of us free vouchers for Reese’s Sundays,” Pax informed her, holding up the slips of paper. “Located at Moma’s Sweets only a ten minute drive without donkey power.”

“Free vouchers are meant to be taken,” Kally said.

“Oh, well, I legally acquired them,” he said with a devilish grin. That somehow sounded more sinister and Pax would have normally been proud of it.

She didn’t crack a smile. Those green eyes were soul crushing. She tried to stand up tall and look authoritative, though Pax could see she was still shaken. “When we get back to Camp Half-Blood, you’re telling Chiron everything.”

That sounded about as smart as skydiving with a trash bag. Pax opened his mouth to protest.

Kally continued, gulping, “If you don’t, I—I will.”

That was like skydiving with one of those complimentary, airplane throw-up bags, prefilled for grossness. “Uh, eternal torment. Orkus—” Pax reminded her. His heart thumped in his ears. The little stunt with the River Styx might be back firing.

“I don’t care. What happened to Axel back there wasn’t good for him and he’s not fit to… do whatever with your dad. Obviously you really want to stop your dad, but—but maybe we should leave it to the real heroes. Maybe, if we tell Chiron, Jason Grace or Percy Jackson can do it.”

The real heroes.

Ow, my tiny bit of pride. Getting hit in the pride and the righteousness all in one day? Pax was waiting for someone to finish him off, to tell him he wasn’t cuter than a baby panda, and send him to tears. Though by nature of how pathetic and adorable he would look while crying, he might be able to disprove their claim.

A part of him screamed that Jason and Percy weren’t any better than he or Axel. He, Axel, and Alabaster had been training to and probably could have taken them out, but that tidbit of information might not help defend his case.

The rest of him realized she was right. Relief flooded over him when he thought about someone else—some real heroes—arresting their dad. Axel had always said it was a family matter, but Pax didn’t care. If Piper, or Jason, or Annabeth were on the line against the Pax family, it would mean Axel was safe, hiding with him. They wouldn’t need the stupid Golden Net or Backbiter.

“We could hold a game show to find out which hero gets the quest and a complimentary shirt—” As he spoke, he could see the rims around her eyes getting red. Yea, he couldn’t handle it if she started crying, because he would definitely start to cry too and then Ares would show up and beat them both up for being wimps and take their lunch money, or at least rob Leo’s shop since that’s where all of Pax’s lunch money had gone.

“Sorry,” he cut himself off. No jokes. No jokes, he chanted in his head to keep focused. He puffed up his cheeks and popped them. He wanted to make everything right. This might have been the best way. “I’ll tell Chiron everything. I… I swear on the—”

“Stop.” She held up a hand and took a step closer to him, eyes wide. “I—I don’t want anyone to have a River Styx curse. And I want to know that you’re going to do it because you’re going to do it, not because you’re afraid of eternal pain or whatever.”

Pax puffed up his cheeks and popped them. He realized he’d messed up a good thing with Kally, but he didn’t realize how good a thing it could have been until that response. She really was a fantastic person. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he and Axel didn’t deserve good people. “Can I quote you on a motivational poster?” he asked.

Something about the way he looked at her must have cued Kally in to the type of adoration he was feeling. She blushed, then scowled. “Shut up, I’m still mad at you.”

“Cyclopes got fangs,” he teased. Upon seeing the way she gripped her Argonaut statue, he held his hands up. “Sorry—I’m sorry. You have every right to be mad.” Don’t joke. Don’t make a joke. Keep it together man!

She sighed and motioned towards the van. “This is why I didn’t agree to date you.”

Pax glanced around at the general, torched vicinity. “Uh, because you knew I’d assist in an amazing party then bring about the reforging of a talking sword that belonged to the Grinch Who Stole Olympus? Er, tried to?” He walked alongside her, towards their friends. Pax almost reflexively grabbed her hands, but realized that would probably incite a good lesson in karma, taught with fists.

“Because I can’t trust you,” she said. Kally didn’t make eye contact, but Pax could tell it wasn’t just because she was upset. Her gaze was distant. “The forge ambushed in the lion’s maw. Not to flame or plea will force withdraw,” she quoted.

Pax winced. Couldn’t Rachel have told Kally, “That Axel dude is going to attack Leo. Attacking back or begging him to stop won’t do anything, so prepare a good pep talk.”

Kally frowned and continued. “I think Joey’s quest is one of the dominos Rachel was talking about. Things are about to get serious.”

When they got out to the van, Euna was awake and raiding the to-go boxes. As she munched and they approached, she gave them an absent wave. She didn’t seem the slightest bit concerned that everyone was fast asleep around her.

If Pax wasn’t absolutely sure she would kick the snot out of him for it later, he’d prop a box up with a stick, put a cheeseburger under there, and see if Euna would get boxed. But, knowing Flower Girl’s power, she’d probably bring the box and stick to life and they would go Groot on him. Recycling at its most violent.

Several of the satyrs and nymphs were yawning and sitting up. Calex was up and stretching as well.

Pax wondered if everyone had happy dreams of rainbows, sunshine, and rodents. Morpheus Dust was supposed to grant happy dreams from what he remembered. From the way Calex looked relaxed and not sad over his mom and brother, he guessed Calex had a nice dream about cleaning Hazel Levesque and Frank Zhang’s house for them, then fetching coffee for Percy and Annabeth afterwards.

“Hey Calex, Euna, can you help us get everyone in the van?” Kally asked. “We need to get to Chiron as fast as possible.”

Kally might as well have sprinted up to Calex, socked him in the stomach, and shouted, “I grew a backbone Scrum Lord! And your football team sucks!”

He gave her a perplexed glance, looked back and forth between Pax and Kally, then glared at Pax. “What happened?” he slowly asked. “This perv upset you?”

Kally frowned.

Pax figured now was a fantastic time to tell the truth. “My pop is ascending tomorrow morning. No time to get a signature from Leo. I already wrote him a note.” Just not the whole truth. That would come later. He really hoped no one remembered he was illiterate, since his note was a metaphorical one in the form of coins.

“Ascending?” Euna repeated. She set her to-go box down. Pax could envision her movie trailer now: When Euna sets food aside: Stuff. Gets. SERIOUS.

Kally nodded. She joined Calex in his glare at Pax. “When we get to Chiron, Pax will explain everything—” He gave her his best charming grin of I’m a sleazebag and I’ve accepted that as a friendly term. “—but the sooner we get there, the better. Do you think we have enough time to drive back and get Percy or Annabeth out here? Or, uh, should we Iris Message?” Kally seemed to realize she was being a proper domineering heroine and tapered off to return to sidekick status.

At hearing the plan, Pax wanted to hug Kally. If it was mandated by Camp Half-Blood, they could trap Axel at Camp Half-Blood to prevent him from interfering and force him to play games, like volleyball and sneak-past-Argus. No one had beaten that game yet, but he was going to prove to the Stoll brothers that it could be done.

“We’re not going?” Euna asked. She sounded incredibly relieved.

Calex looked surprised. “Won’t your bother be—where’s Axel?”

Again, Calex always sounded so suspicious of Pax. Although the reaction proved some intelligence on Calex’s part, Pax had to feign an indignant huff—an excellent mimic of Joey’s—to pretend Calex was still ridiculous.

“Unconscious,” Pax assured. Knowing that should be enough explanation, he cheerfully stepped towards the van.

He could still hear the others as Kally and Calex walked over to Merry’s sleeping bag. “Just let me know if this dodgy prick bothers you and he’ll be in love with a Reese’s Stick right quick.” The Son of Eros tapped the pencil pouch sticking out of his jean’s pocket.

“I’d never be able to eat it!” Pax cried, terrified of the thought.

From the grin Calex gave him, that was the full intention.

“You monster,” Pax grumbled.

Kally blushed and broke eye contact with Calex. “Thank you Calex, but I’ve been able to take care of myself.”

Judging from the dull pain in his stomach from where Kally’s elbow had a romantic rendezvous with his gut, he had to agree. From both times Pax had upset her to violence… had it really been two times? Should Pax have an intervention with Kally about her friendship choices? He never would, as he’d have to recommend Kally to stay away from him, but the sentiment was there.

He expected her to be glaring at him warily, but she was staring at the van. He winced. Ajax Pax wasn’t the Pax she was afraid of.

“That offer never expires,” Calex assured her. He knelt down beside Merry, who was curled up on her side. “Will she go mental if I wake her?” He glanced to where Euna had woken up Joey. Joey didn’t seem nearly as pow! and bam! as her sister. Pax imagined that Joey only got like that when she realized they didn’t have any showers or mirrors.

Kally shook her head and covered up a laugh with her hand. It was good to see her smile, especially at the potential misery of Calex. “No, she just complains a lot in the morning.”

“Mmm, sweetie Kal, you don’t know this pain,” Merry whined from her sleeping bag. She stretched, rolled over, and stretched on the other side, reminding Pax of a slow motion weasel. “Give me five minutes of stretching and seven Tylenol. Then I’ll be ready to face the pain in my back. And that massage that Calex owes me for dragging him away from that model mania.” She peered up at him slyly from her lazy sprawl.

“How about I carry you to the van?” Calex offered instead.

“Oh honey, you won’t—” Merry yelped when Calex picked her up, bridal style. As though she feared he’d get a bad case of bodacious butterfingers, Merry clung to him. When he didn’t drop her, but continued towards the van with little more than a quick neck crack, she said, “You can carry me? But I weigh like, three Paxes!”

“Hey!” Pax resented that. “I am a tiny ball of muscle!”

Merry ignored him. Her voice carried over Calex’s shoulder as they went to join the Song sisters in the van. “Calex, we should be asexual life partners. You’re a useful sweet teddy.”

From inside, Pax could hear Joey say, “Asexual? Wouldn’t your dad have to disown you for that?”

As their Scooby Team assembled, Pax bowed slightly to Kally. “Cyclopes,” he said.

She looked at the ground and walked to the passenger door.

Pax puffed up his cheeks, popped them, and walked to the driver’s side. For Christmas, he’d have to buy Kally a coupon book full of Free Punch Pax Day and Fill in the Blank for What Stupid Thing You Want Pax to Say to ___ Hero that Can Kick His Sorry Butt.

Pax decided—if they got pulled over for speeding, he was going to hand Calex over as a sacrifice to the American judicial system.

Axel was still passed out in the back with the Phobetor sleeping bag carefully tucked over his head. His Mist mask always fell away when he slept, so he and Pax had a careful system of assuring he was properly cocooned.[1] Calex freaked out as soon as he went near Axel. Pax wanted to assure that yes—Axel would emerge a beautiful butterfly, but he suspected that wasn’t Calex’s problem.

“What’s in the towel?” Calex demanded. “That’s it, isn’t it? One of the things screaming malice back here?”

The towel containing Backbiter was tucked tightly beside the fluffy sleeping bundle of Axel, completely unseen to the average eye.

“Calex, you suck,” Pax grumbled as he sat in the driver’s seat. He was frustrated to find the seatbelt still broken from the dart-jamming incident earlier. “First you understand Axel and I when we’re trying to have a familial conversation, then you can tell Kally and I had a spat, and now you get feelings off our evil sword. You don’t have X-ray vision too, do you? Because I’ll be quite disappointed if you ruin the surprise of which boxers I wear on special occasions.”

They had a brief argument over what to do with the sword, not once mentioning the importance of his boxers. At first, Pax was disgusted to agree with Calex about leaving it behind, but Kally pointed out that Chiron would know how to get rid of the blade properly. Joey and Euna were confused, though Euna busied herself assuring everyone was settled on the couches so they could drive. Merry remained quiet, listening, and didn’t interject until they decided to bring the sword to Camp Half-Blood.

“So, Pax,” she said as he pulled out of the parking lot. “I assume you’re going to explain why all of us adults needed a nap time at one of my parties when we talk to Chiron? No one ever yawns at one of my parties.” Her brown eyes flashed.

Maybe they should plan to have a dunking booth. Everyone would get a turn for each thing he’d screwed up so… he’d probably be better off with having Percy drown him. “Yep!” Pax puffed up his cheeks and popped them. “Come one! Come all! The Pax secrets divulged! Except my night cream routine. Joey might steal that.”

He glanced in the mirror at her. Joey rolled her eyes at him, butshe was too deep into a to-go box for a real response.

Pax entered the coordinates off his ice cream voucher into the GPS, but didn’t engage Luke’s system. He didn’t want the donkey to tug him. Pax wanted to tear down the highway on his own to get his mind off the conversation he’d have when Axel woke up. “Axel, this is an intervention. We took your sword away and gave you an ice pop.”

Only slightly better than the convo with Chiron. Pax wanted to make sure Kally didn’t have any secrets that needed keeping. But… would Chiron accept the argument that they weren’t going to do any more evil seeming things and that it must be the start of their redemption arc?

Pax corralled the conversation towards Joey’s cheerful Winter Break plans: Greek Hell. That’s not what it actually was, but Pax liked to make it sound as horrible as possible to get everyone’s mind on a safer topic.

Ideas were pumping through the back about Joey’s quest from Hera, like how to get to Hades and how to get help from Persephone. Pax tried to contribute. He suggested they tell the Ares Cabin that the Athena Cabin said they could dig a bigger hole using their brains than their brawn, and vice versa for the other cabin, and then sit back and wait.

Kally stayed quiet. She would stare out the window at the shadows of trees and the distant, polluted glow of the town of Berkeley Hills. Then she’d jump and glance back to where Axel and the sword laid dormant. Axel never moved; he only ever slept like this when he had two nighters or when Pax darted him. Pax wanted to tease, “naww, look at him and his widdle sword.” He wanted to say a lot of things, to ramble until Kally forgot what happened and felt better, but he was getting this strange inkling that maayyyybe that wasn’t the best way to solve this.

They were leaving the park’s forest when the sign for Moma’s Sweets caught his headlights. Pax couldn’t actually read the writing, but he recognized the double scoop logo from the vouchers. Pax pulled off the side of the road into the far side of the parking lot, away from the other occupants and closer to the trees—in case Leo Valdez magically got his memory back, woke up, and was searching their van out on the road.

There was a small, single room shop just off what Kally had called out as Grizzly Peak Boulevard, which—Pax was surprised—still had its lights on. The shop was painted red, with yellow shutters, very hipster friendly. Pax knew they were near a college town and wondered if he was about to run into exactly the kind of child-adults that Michael Kahale was worried would test out fireworks during flame season.

“We’re stopping for ice cream?” Joey asked skeptically from the back. “Isn’t your dad like, ascending tomorrow? What happened to hurrying to Chiron?”

“Ice cream is clearly more important,” Pax said. He put the emergency brake down when he parked, as if Luke couldn’t tear right through that. The driver’s seat belt was in ribbons from Axel cutting at it—totally worth pranking Leo—but they’d need to get that fixed. Although Pax tended to enjoy a good bout with danger, one with the windshield was something he’d rather save for a few hundred years.

“Besides,” he continued as he hopped out of the van. “I’ve always wanted to know if I could balance or juggle seven sundaes on my own. I’ll be back.”

Before anyone could offer to come with, he jammed his hands into his pockets and stalked towards the shop. In reality, he didn’t know what kind of exchange the vouchers demanded, and he was sure he was going to end up exhausting his mortal money supply on guilt desserts for the group. And maybe he could ask the cashier how you apologized to your friends for drugging all of them and lying for months. Pleasant evening chatter.

There were only two other cars on the other side of the parking lot: a white ice cream truck and a pickup truck that looked like an extra from Mad Max. Pax found it strange that not many people would want ice cream at midnight in November, but he figured others didn’t have as good of taste.

Pax was fumbling with the vouchers while he shoved the door opened and took a step inside. He almost ran into a guest. He was about to bow grandly and apologize to the sir or lady or other when he heard the familiar click of someone cocking the hammer on a revolver.

“Hello Ajax,” a male voice cooed.

If Pax had ingested a pound of cockroaches and they all made a dash up his esophagus at the same time, he imagined this was about how it would feel. He was going to need a lot more than some sundaes to make up for this mistake. Though he couldn’t figure out what before something metal cracked across his jaw, knocking him backwards.

Thanks for reading! :D

[1] So, I definitely cocoon when I sleep. (Mel will verify this and has conducted several studies on the process.) Is this normal? Do you guys do this? (Also, Mel—upon reading this footnote—denied that she conducted studies. She said she happened to watch my sleeping process because we roomed together for a bit XD)

#Traitors of Olympus #Blood of a Mayan #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #Heroes of Olympus #auuuughhg too lazy to do this properly ><

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thepunklounge-blog · 6 years

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Rebellion: Amsterdam! Good Friends, Good Bands & Remembering Sharkey.

The weekend of June 2nd & 3rd was a special weekend. It brought good friends, good bands and remembering good times past. Even despite the best efforts of the damp and foggy weather to delay the masses descending on the Leidseplein. What always strikes you about a Rebellion festival is the sense of togetherness and this was especially relevant this time around, as we were celebrating someone fondly remembered for his part in the success of these events. The weekend was dedicated to Sharkey - one of the Rebellion crew members who has sadly passed away. Now there’s even a mural of him on the wall of one of the pubs around the corner from The Melkweg.

We started by raising a few (too many) glasses...

...and then let the music help us forget our sore heads. The Melkweg is a sprawling venue with various nooks and crannies. Not quite to the scale of Blackpool’s Winter Gardens, but magnificent none the less. In amongst these spaces we had three stages providing the weekend’s entertainment. The Max, with the headlining bands; The Old Room, a smaller room; and the Almost Acoustic Stage, which was upstairs amongst the art and cinema complex. I should also add at this point that anyone heading backstage is faced with a spiral staircase of vertiginous proportions, not great for anyone in an alcohol-addled state. Saturday sprung (or rather lurched) into action catching snatches of bands here and there. It's absolutely impossible to catch every band, but that makes it a unique experience for everyone. You can watch a bit of what you like, then see a band you’ve not watched before. For me it started at the Acoustic Stage (my own band, The Crows were playing early afternoon). Watching the ever-enthusiastic Gerry lead Fire Exit through the opening set, I was loving their version of Golden Earring's "Radar Love". Our own set, with the Crows, shortly followed and I think we made a good account of ourselves. I hung around afterwards to catch Static Kill, a band from Nottingham with great songs, who are starting to make a bit of a name for themselves and have recently upped the ante by going electric (no cries of ‘sell out’ à la Bob Dylan though). Moving across to the Max... I watched FILF play a set of classic punk covers, which despite being enjoyable was, after all, covers. But then again this is effectively the Macc Ladds, albeit with a different singer, which gives the added anticipation we might get to hear some of Macclesfield’s finest tunes. And they duly obliged with a couple of numbers to finish their set. After which I bid a hasty retreat back to the Acoustic Stage to watch Barry Cain interview Charlie Harper. As expected, this proved to be popular although it also turned out to be rather special. Much of the interview focussed on Charlie’s early life, before the Subs. I mean, who knew that he was once Chairman of the Young Farmer’s Club? Or is related to Cesar Romero (who played the Joker in the 60’s Batman series)? The rest of my evening was spent in The Max, starting with Dutch hooligans Discipline, from Eindhoven. Most people didn’t notice they had a new singer, as he fitted in so effortlessly and helped whip the crowd up with their brand of early 80’s style street punk, Frontline Skins and Hooligan Heaven being greeted with fists in the air aplenty. What followed from here was simply Punk Rock at its best, with three acts that could have headlined in their own right. Up stepped Ruts DC and boy were they good. Old classics like, Staring at the Rude Boys everyone yelling ‘we’ll never surrender’ at the top of their voices, fitting alongside new numbers Kill the Pain and This Music Must Destroy, a band finding a new lease of life. Penultimately, the UK Subs graced us with a set spanning over 40 years and 26+ albums. They played all the hits, Stranglehold, CID, Warhead and of course Teenage, from the man who is, after all, the Peter Pan of Punk. Finally Cock Sparrer came on to the familiar sound of Overture by the Heavy Metal Kids, smashing straight into Riot Squad and the crowd went ballistic. I’ve seen 1000’s of gigs, but nothing quite beats the reaction that greets Sparrer. The audience and band as one, singing all the words. Even the songs from the new album have become crowd pleasers, ‘with mates like these we’ll take our enemies’ holding a certain resonance and meaning. For another band spanning a 40 year career (bar the odd break), it can be difficult getting the set right. A tweak here, a new song there, but the balance they strike is spot on. The usual suspects get a run out... "Running Riot", "Because You’re Young", "I Got Your Number", slipping in sublimely with newer numbers, like the previously quoted "One by One". Ending with the obligatory "England Belongs to me" and "We’re Coming Back", we pile out hot and sweaty, back to the warm embrace of the bars in the Leidseplein.

Day Two...

The Dutch lager can be a cruel mistress, so it was another slow start on Sunday, catching Berlin band The March on the acoustic stage, an interesting mix of styles. Over the next few hours I dipped in and out of the various rooms. The Cundeez brought their unique brand of Jock Rock in the Max. Heavy Drapes were rocking out ’77 style in the Old Room, again adding to the diversity on show. Part of my pacing around was due to the nervousness anticipating our second set of the weekend. This time, playing as Crows and Friends. Despite the last minute rehearsals in the back room, we seemed to go down okay. A different set this time, a few covers thrown in, and an honour to share the stage with guests Kent Nielsen and TV Smith. With my nerves finally settled post-set, I took a seat to watch the Barry Cain interview with Ruts DC. Seggs and Ruffy are a bit like your favourite uncles. Extremely amiable, lots of stories and lots of laughs... poor old Leigh Heggarty barely able to get a word in. It was a bit like a comedy duo with a straight man acting as the foil and buffer to the jokes, but all in the best possible taste. They followed this with an acoustic set to close the night on the Almost Acoustic stage. Another solid, sterling, performance, Seggs switching to second guitar and songs seamlessly transferring from their electric versions. We even got an impromptu refrain of Gloria during In a Rut. That left just enough time to catch the last two bands on The Max, both stalwarts of the UK punk scene, but the similarities end there. Firstly the Angelic Upstarts played a politically-charged set, songs with emotion that strike a chord for struggling people across the word. Solidarity, for example, reminds us off the time when Communism had a grip across Eastern Europe and the brave protests of the Polish trade union formed in the shipyard. Stirring stuff indeed. We also get the usual plethora of early classics, I’m an Upstart, The Murder of Liddle Towers and their version of the Cliff Richard song The Young Ones, sung in Mensi’s inimitable South Shields twang. Our evening ended on a lighter note with the The Adicts venturing on stage. Following an intro of Clockwork Orange segued with Blitzkrieg Bop, the ever-colourful Monkey surrounded by his droogs, kicked into Let’s Go. These guys write happy songs, Chinese Takeaway and Viva Le Revolution particularly getting the crowd in a party mood, a powerful set that’s also very theatrical, large beach balls and streamers adding to a fun atmosphere during their cover of You’ll Never Walk Alone. And that was how the weekend was, great fun As a footnote it was very sad to hear of Heavy Drapes singer Garry Borland passing away not long following the weekend. As a dearly departed friend once said, we’re here for a good time, not for a long time. Read the full article

#AmsterdamRebellion #CharlieHarper #CockSparrer #Discipline #FILF #Fireexit #RebellionFestivals #RutsDC #StaticKill #theMaccLadds #UKSubs

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thevanishingomens · 7 years

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HELP PLS

So we have this English Coursework that basically was supposed to be done this week- but I'm in Portugal so I thought I'd write it while I'm here. The main theme is either change or loneliness. Which can branch out to many things. I chose the loneliness after a family member dies. But somehow down the road of writing this story it just turned completely different. I was wondering if anyone out there would be so kind as to read it and hopefully give me feedback before Sunday night 8pm. Thank you~ 'Running Out' Blair Johnson never thought that even after all she'd been through she'd get a chance to start again. To say "i'm sorry". A chance to somehow make up for what had happened. To change destiny. Re-write her fate. "I never thought to this day that after loosing my brother I'd be able to gain another. Yet somehow- whether it was fate, destiny or some God out there...I got Logan. And although we have our differences and I'm a huge pain in the ass-" The class interrupted with a burst of laughter while looking back to the embarrassed Logan. Blair was up at the front of the classroom, pages crumpled in-between her sweaty, nervous, unsteady hands. Beads of sweat slowly making their way down Blair Johnsons' forehead. Her teeth showing through her nervous smile as her pool blue eyes looked at Logan look away embarrassed. Her long ashy blond locks of hair were straightened and located somewhere over her back and held behind her ears. "I'm glad you decided to come Logan. Even if it is for just three days. And even if by the end of it you hate my family and never wanna see them again.... I'm thankful that you at least tried to reason with us. And that's all I could ever ask of you. To try" Blair said as she shied away from the looks of classmates. She stared at her paper as she read the last few words. She looked up only to receive the next horrifying thing. Silence. It was a sweet moment really. As a way to ensure that Logan would fit in at a new town, new school and new family, Blair had to ensure that taking Logan to school would be a piece of cake. So far, four classes in, it had all gone alright. But maybe centring her English essay on him and her new step-dad wasn't a good way about it. Logan clapped along with the class- but had he really liked it? Blair's thoughts were all over the place. "Well done Blair, you can take a seat now. And I'm very pleased to welcome you here Logan Fox. And remember that even if you never wish to come to this school, the school will be here for you" Mr. Hendrix stated with a smile before moving the lesson along by picking the next reader. Blair walked back to her seat next to her new brother, Logan, as soon as Blair sat down he quietly mumbled out a thank you before turning his face out to the window. Blair let out a sheepish smile while setting her now crumpled up essay neatly on her desk. Logan kept his face and expression forward to not let Blair know how he really felt, miserably happy even though Blair had just centred her English essay on him and his dad. Definitely not the finest idea Blair Johnson had, had. It was now home time, the best feeling any student could have on a Friday. Going home to stuff your face with junk, take huge naps at 5 in the evening and game until morning. Ugh- I mean do homework and study....obviously.... Blair stood, leaning against the pole of where 2 bikes were tied. They were tied with chains that had padlocks which kept incoming criminals at bay if they ever tried to break the bikes free from their capture. She could sense that something was wrong, that something was going to happen. The same feeling she had when Eric Johnson left that night. She could feel it in the air. But with her depressed mentality she couldn't trust her guts feeling. Instead she shook the feeling away and tried to think positively. Logan was here and she was prepared to ensure he would have as much fun as possible. Knowing full well he was an alternative punk kind of guy and preferred to keep his emotions to himself, Blair had the perfect weekend planned out. Plus a little bonus surprise. With every bone in her body Blair tried to sway away from the fact that her depression had to be kept secret, that she had to hide that part of her and only show Logan her fun, kind, and sunny self (I.e a completely different person- a character if you will). She kept quiet and thought of how her plans would work out. Devastatingly enough the sky began to turn grey with a dark blue tinge to it. It was going to rain. How did Blair know? She could feel the warm humid air wrap around her as the dark grey clouds formed into one huge cumulonimbus, ready to erupt with thunder, lightening, strong winds and buckets of rain. Blair had put on her bright neon blue raincoat over her black skinny ripped jeans and her bright yellow sweater which was fashionably ripped over her collarbones and forearms. She walked around in black combat boots which matched her black leather bag which contained all her school books and anything she seemed would be fit to take to school. I don't know why anyone would bring an old flower with them to school but Blair surely did... To pass the time as she waited for her new brother and her friends to make their way over from the gym, Blair had decided to reminisce through old memories of her late brother and how much she'd grown due to that accident. An accident the whole town had heard and would never forget. The town had its secrets. Since it was found by Magdalena Arden, a young Dutch woman who was travelling in her college days, the town had always seen tragic endings for different families. Murders, disappearances and tragic accidents. Things that often ended in death. Just like the late Eric Johnson. Who had decided he would sneak out one night only to be found by the young 12 year old Blair, and although she kept it a secret, when she later found out the next day that her brother had been in a car accident and died she could only blame herself. If she had stopped him- if she had told her parents. If only she had done something! Surely Eric Johnson wouldn't be laying in a coffin, 6ft below the ground with half his face mutilated and an arm that had been ripped right off when the car had a head on collision with a drunk truck driver. Neatly dressed in a black suit with a red rose in the front pocket, stitched and cleaned up to look presentable to the god who had done this. At least that's what Blair's dad Kendrick had stated, that it was his fault, the man upstairs who wore heavenly white and had decided Eric wasn't fit to be in earth. A subject that nowadays can only cause confusion, treachery and murder. Crimes of the highest order. Blair kept as far away from religion as she could, ever since her brother died and her parents divorced Blair believed no-one upstairs was real. Or at least that if they were, they were sadistic monsters. Blair looked up at the sky as light rain drops hit her makeup covered face, she felt as if the weather was mirroring her depressed feelings of sadness, anger, guilt and blame. She hadn't felt like that in a long time. Since she was 16 to be exact. But after meeting her new brother Logan and finding out her mother was pregnant with a fiancé she hadn't met yet- Blair's life turned upside down once again. Leaving her confused once more and wondering if this was her mothers way of replacing Kendrick, Eric and Blair. She shouldn't have been thinking like that. But anyone mourning would have had their mind jumbled up like that if it had happened to them. "Boo!" Rey, Blair's only male best friend had yelled as he used his hands in a claw like motion to grab onto Blair's shoulders and scare the day-dreaming Blair. Blair let out a scared yelp, which attracted the eyes of onlooking pedestrians as they made their way home from school by many ways. It went back to normal after Blair turned around to grab Rey's shoulders and ask what was wrong with him in the most scared and loud tone she could possibly let out after that terrifying experience. Blair felt as if she'd aged 100 years and had lost all energy. Or as if her heart was about to be ripped out of her chest. It was now currently palpitating at 90mhp, or so it seemed to Blair as she grasped hold of her chest after hitting Rey's slightly muscular arm in retaliation. Rey grumbled at Blair's attitude- even though it was purely his fault that he decided to scare her while she was zoning out. From behind the scenes stood Rey's girlfriend Clementine Ross. A young and talented 18 year old girl. Whose short navy tinged black hair was curled and her dark green eyes behind some fashionable yet nerdy looking glasses which she used only for reading, writing and watching movies. Clem stood wearing some hipster slash alternative clothes which consisted of a lot of black and dark maroon. Beside Clem stood her best friend (and slightly annoying cheerleader type of student) Mackenzie Denver. She was tall yet wore 9inch heels which made her tower over most boys. Her long ginger dyed hair was kept in her natural tight curls while her dark brown eyes always had her long eyelashes to flutter over. She was mostly dressed in the most high-end fashion. Sometimes wearing Gucci and Channel to school. Rey Bailey might be Blair's only male best friend but he doesn't act like it, and although Blair has many friends of the opposite sex she finds Rey to just be her friend and not her BOY friend: something many confuse. But enough about introductions, this isn't some movie in which the friends of the lead character are needed to make an impact on the story. No. They're here for closure. Because Blair Johnson's escape from the reality that her brother is dead and her mum has constructed a new family is of coarse, her best friends. And although Mackenzie acted more like a bully towards Blair it was only because everyone else slightly babied her due to the accident. Blair was thankful, to whoever spoke to her she always kept a smile, even if it was Mackenzie's silly jokes or slurs. "So tonight? Is everything ready?" Blair asked with a smile towards her friend who had previously nearly killed her of a heart attack. Rey stood with a smug smile plastered on his face as his eyes shone with a glint of mischief. Rey then used his palms to clean the non-existing dust off his shoulders. Blair just stared with no expression, a sigh and then proceeding to do a face-palm with a shake of her head while mumbling incoherent words. "Why can't you just say yes like a normal person?" Blair asked before looking over at Clementine who was scratching the nape of her neck awkwardly while turning to look away from her boyfriends stupidity. Mackenzie was just glancing at Rey with a mixture of both anger and an essence of being dumbfounded. Logan, who had been silently watching all of this broke the silence by asking what was happening that night. Obviously the group wasn't about to ruin the surprise that they had been planning for the past two weeks. After being informed that Logan would be staying over for a weekend, Blair decided she would make Logan Fox's welcoming warm and the best surprise he'd ever have. Meaning; the only surprise he'd have since he was born. All apart from that one time on Christmas when his mother had surprised him with exactly what he had been asking for three months prior. A remote control car, the best one in their local shop. But it was around £50 and although Logan's father was well off- he wasn't going to waste £50 on a piece of plastic and metal made to look like a car. Anyway- when Logan had asked about the events that would be happening that night everyone looked away and decided to act as if what they had said, hadn't been said. "Ah! The shopping!" Blair exclaimed in an out of tune acting voice, she couldn't act but she had made everyone else sway from the topic at hand. Back to being Blair Johnson, the scared, guilty and angry 12 year old who blamed herself for Eric's death. When she had woken up with the noise of the backyard door opening and she had ran down to see Eric standing there with shock and a guilty expression. When sweet filled words and cheery smiles persuaded Blair to remain all of that a secret and go back up to bed. Taking one last look at her brother wave her good bye with a smile as she sat atop the stairs with sleepy eyes and a guilty conscience. Little did little Blair know that that would be the last time she would see Eric, alive at least. She didn't know that in just a few minutes, while she got into her bed and snuggled up to her teddy bear that Eric Johnson was speeding down the highway with friends, stoned out of his mind and that in a few seconds he would be ripped to shreds. Literally and metaphorically. Days later was the funeral. Blair never imagined herself at a funeral until her late 60s or something when her parents tragically die after long years together. Instead...she stood there as she watched her older brother, 18 year old Eric, being slowly lowered into the ground as he was nailed into a mahogany polished coffin. His tombstone with the usual sappy old quote, "a great brother, son and person. Taken too young..."- blah, blah, blah. That was gossip for the next 3 weeks, where locals would chatter about how Eric was too young to die, or how Blair should have said something, that it was the parents fault. The schools fault. His friends fault for letting him drive. Anything to put the blame on someone else other than themselves. Which is exactly what Kendrick had done to Blair and her mother. Bluntly accused them of their treachery, that they were the culprits, the crazy common criminals who had caused Eric's death. But that wasn't the hard earned truth... Kendrick never once believed it was Blair's fault, but he needed a reason to leave, a reason to make his cheating on his wife a normal mourning reason. To leave, disappear into the night with his labelled lover. His radiant romance and forbidden love. Cheating on his wife was the least of Kendrick's problems. Bankruptcy, dept and gambling mixed with an alcohol induced state of mind was the silver platter of it all. His worlds 'pièce de résistance'. And so that's how Blair's parents divorce came about. Not due to Blair's guilty actions, or Eric's death- or even mourning for that fact! It was all because Kendrick cheated, was an alcoholic jerk and all he wanted to do was waste his life away playing money for poker. While Blair's mother May, just wanted peace. Quiet. Anything to make her crashing down world still. Frozen in time, where they were back to being a happy family. Everyone together, well and alive. But reality stared Blair in the face with a hard yearning stare and a grin from ear to ear. It terrified Blair to even think of the possibility of living like her mother. A religious catholic who believed everything happened for a reason. The town called her 'the crazy woman' from down the road. She'll only talk about god. And when death was mentioned- It wasn't great. All Blair wished was for Eric to be back. Or for her leave that wretched town. To escape the rocky-road reality, the rollercoaster that is her life, except this wasn't much like a rollercoaster but more like a boat ride down a waterfall. Just a huge drop until....splat. Death. It seemed that, that was all that Blair could see, hear or speak about. Death was all around her. It's all around us. It's on our clothes and on our hair. We inhale and exhale death. We're surrounded by atoms of dead things. We walk on dead things every single day of our lives until we ourselves are dead. It's a ridiculous and betraying truth, a fact not a myth. A controlling cycle that repeats itself. Going on, and on, and on, and on, and on and on. With no escape. Blair knew she would forever be guilty of how she had acted, blaming herself and wishing to turn back time somehow to make it up to her mum, dad and Eric himself. Apologise for his death. Blood was on her hands that should never have been. She could ever wash it out. Blair could feel it again, as she called a taxi, her bones shuddered in fear. She could feel the cold shock against her spine and her weary hands shake in either anticipation of terror. She didn't know what was wrong. But she wanted whatever it was to stop. And fortunately enough it did. And as if fate could only repeat itself. Once more another tragic accident happened in the town of Greenoak. July 4th 2016- The day that Logan Fox. Blair Johnson. Rey Bailey. Mackenzie Denver and Clementine Ross entered a taxi to make their way to the local supermarket. Except they never came back. What Blair couldn't guess was that this never was about Eric's death. It was just waiting for her own. Passing time. She had felt remorse for years, every day of her life she would feel guilty. But she could have never guessed that "everyday of her life" would be cut so soon by the scissors of death. A group of escape convicts took shelter in a local supermarket- they took hostages and escaped with over £3,000. But they didn't leave without killing everyone in the supermarket. Another tragic accident for a tragic town. Another 5 young people taken too soon. As Blair laid on that cold, hard tiled floor. Blood oozing out of her gut where she had been shot with a shot gun, all she could replay in her mind was the good times. And how much she felt blame for the incident. But even more so with what had just happened, she used her last few impulses of strength to look over to Logan who laid beside her. Tears rolling down his face as he held onto his open chest. Breathing heavily, gasping for air. Blair held his hand, as if she was back to holding Eric, except she knew it wasn't Eric- it was Logan. She tightened her grip on his hand as she used her other hand to grip the gaping hole in her lower abdomen. And with a last few strengths all Blair Johnson could do, what she had waited to do, had been done. She knew she didn't have a lot of time, Logan was already about to shut his eyes for ever- except she kept trying to make him look at her. He did and just as he was about to draw his last breath Blair Johnson said her last words. "I'm sorry....." Quiet. Peace and quiet. It seems as if Blair was never supposed to have a brother. No one knew what would happen that day. No one could guess that deranged thieves and murderers would escape a state prison and take hostage over a small supermarket in an unknown town. No-one knew that 5 young students would be there along with 3 seniors and a family of 4. No-one knew that they would openly shoot at the hostages and run off with products that ranged to over £3,000. No-one knew. "Blair" a mysterious yet familiar males voice let out, Blair could hear it but couldn't make out who or what it was. All she could see was the dark. It was Pitch black. No source of light anywhere. Just a void. A black hole of nothing. But then- a bright holy light erupted, surrounding Blair in a hug of warm and radiant light. As if the gates of heaven had opened. "Welcome home" the same voice stated. And all at once everything was sucked back into the void of darkness. It was still. And quiet once more, but Blair wasn't there....no one was.

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