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shadowsndaisies · 2 years

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codename: nightingale - insecurity

Reference: Young Justice Season 1 Episode 23

WC: 8.6k

synopsis: ng has issues with december, robin is mia so wally steps up. roy is a snarky shit, and tests even ng’s patience. meanwhile oliver and kaldur take turns mother henning our favorite birb. ps: all artemis needs is a little confidence and some tlc

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codename: nightingale series masterlist

a/n: this chapter does get a bit heavier due to some of NG's history. There's brief talk about how she became an orphan spread through the chapter, so if that's something activating; be advised. that being said we get a lot quality bff wally west in this update

STAR CITY

December 4th, 12:35 EST

“I can’t believe you actually told them no,” Roy huffed, opening the door to Lenetti’s for you.

“Roy,” you said his name with a long-suffering sigh. He’d been haggling this point hard since Thanksgiving.

“The Justice League wants to indoctrinate you, making you the youngest member ever, and you said no,” he practically hissed as you skipped past the front and beelined for your usual booth.

“I’m not the youngest; Billy’s in the League,” you shoot back. It was true; Shazam was actually Billy Batson, a 10-year-old kid.

“He doesn’t count. He turns into an adult,” Roy dismisses.

“Seems like a grey area,” you hum as you wave at Mrs. Lenetti, who had smiled as she spotted you and Roy settle in.

“You’re an idiot,” Roy decides as he slumps in his booth.

“Roy Harper, you know better than to call her names. How many times has this sweet girl pulled your ass outta trouble?” Mrs. Lenitti scolds as she approaches, having caught his last statement.

Roy scowls a bit, and you can’t hide the prideful smirk on your lips.

“It’s okay, Mrs. L. Roy just doesn’t understand a decision I made recently,” you cover as Roy rolls his eyes.

“Well, if it’s something she’s serious about, honey, maybe it’s worth it to trust her gut. I don’t believe it’s led either of you wrong yet,” Mrs. L says sagely, gaining a softened look from Roy. “I’ll send your lunch orders in, same as usual?”

“Yes, please,” you smile brightly, and Mrs. L pats your cheek gently as she nods in affirmation.

“I’ll have the new girl bring you some water,” she adds from over her shoulder as she walks back toward the kitchen.

Your eyes catch on a blonde girl who must be in high school, watching as she nervously read the number on the ticket and then counted the tables under her breath.

“I can’t do it,” you finally say, voice low and soft, and it seems to snap Roy out of his brooding.

“What?”

“I can’t be 14-year-old (Y/n) Roxo and be a part of the league. When I’m older, obviously I want to do it, but I don’t think I’m ready for it just yet,” you explain.

“But it’s the League,” Roy’s voice had dropped to a softer tone as well. You could see him mulling over your words as he thought them through.

“The League wants the Sonic Sidekick, not soon to be a freshman in high school (Y/n),” you lament.

“I can’t believe you’re about to start high school,” Roy huffed.

“Makes a lot of sense when you look at it that way, doesn’t it?” you tease.

“Maybe,” he scoffs, dropping your gaze to fiddle with his napkin.

“Okay, Mr. High School Graduate,” you shoot back, and Roy offers a playful smirk.

“High percentile, too,” he winked.

“And yet you broke all our hearts when you decided college wasn’t for you,” you snort.

“According to Dinah and Ollie, I’m taking a gap year,” he shot back with a warning glare.

“Which is bullshit,” you scoffed out, knowing that Roy had no intention of actually going to college at the end of his gap year, despite how he sold the point to Dinah and Oliver.

“Language,” Roy teases, with a very Dinah-esque tone, as the new girl brings your drinks to the table. Once she walked away, he sobered up a little, and you knew what topic was coming before he opened his mouth. “The 6th is a few days away,” he says cautiously.

“Yeah, it is,” you nod, finding your glass of water way more interesting.

“Birdy,” Roy’s voice is gentle as he broaches the topic.

Your lips curl into a very flat frown, “It’s been eight years… what do you want me to say?” you huff.

“Dinah planning to distract you all day again?” he asks, and based on his tone, you know he’s trying to make it more light-hearted.

“I hope not. It worked well the first few years, but there’s only so much you can do to distract from the day a girl watched her parents get killed in front of her,” you lament, your tone flat.

“She means well,” Roy argues, showing a rare level of fierce protection for your shared pseudo-mom.

“I know,” you huff. “Look, I’ll probably stop by the cemetery and talk to them for a bit, but I don’t have a lot of plans. I’m stopping by the cave tomorrow, but Red, D, and Bats know unless the world is ending, I won’t be around on the 6th. I might go to Gotham for a bit, I dunno….”

“I know I’m not always the most reachable, but for the 6th, anything you need, I’ll get it for you, I promise,” Roy said seriously.

“Alright, that’s enough emoting. Let’s move on,” you scoff.

“Says the empath,” Roy smirks.

“I mean this with the most disrespect, fuck off,” you huff flipping him off.

“Oh! Party fowl, Dinah would not approve,” Roy tutted.

You rolled your eyes, but a small smile slipped through, and soon enough, the conversation was moving away from darker themes.

GOTHAM CITY

December 5th, 16:30 EST

“You know coming to Gotham at night is not exactly what I had in plan,” you drawl as you join Artemis on a fire escape a block away from the Zeta Point.

“Thanks for coming,” she said softly, and you frowned at the obviously downtrodden tone in her voice.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, sitting down next to her and letting your legs hang.

You watch her wrestle with whatever she wants to say for a minute. You can feel the conflicted feelings rolling off her, and with the limited space and how your legs are touching, you’re getting clear markers for anger, humiliation, frustration, and pride. So you wait. You give her time to think it through and phrase what she wants to say. Instead, you let your eyes wander on the horizon of Gotham, tracing over buildings and city lights that seem to shine through the smog.

“That first mission we all went on, you told me you knew I wasn’t GA’s niece, but you said you’d be here as a teammate, a friend, whenever I needed,” she began.

“I did, I am,” you assure her.

“Did GA tell you when he took me on?” she asked, voice cracking slightly.

Your lips tighten, “No,” you say the word slowly.

“He tell you anything after?” she followed.

You look down at the alleyway below you, “he did not.”

Artemis’ lips pull into a frown, “I was a pity case,” she frowns.

“What are you talking about?” eyebrows pulling down as you turn to her.

“My mom begged GA and Bats to take me on, to keep me in check. They showed up after I saved you guys against Amazo,” she explains, and for the first time since you met her, you’re finally learning the truth.

“That might be on me,” you smirk. “Rob, and KF, they got excited, thought Speedy was watching out for us, but I’ve spent half my life training with Speedy. I know what his arrows look like. I mentioned it to Ollie later that night because they sure as hell weren’t his arrows either.”

“They only took me in because my mom begged, NG, she begged,” Artemis scoffed.

“Maybe, but that’s not why they brought you to the mountain,” you say. “GA’s got a bit of a bleeding heart, no doubt, but Batman? He brought you to the team, he gave you a chance to be one of us, and you are, by the way. Begging or not, they brought you to the mountain because they saw something in you that means you’re like us. The boys and I started this team because we wanted to prove that we could do more than be sidekicks. Maybe your mom begged, but you’re on the team because GA and Batman think you can be more than a sidekick, that you can be every bit the hero you aspire to be.”

Artemis goes quiet as she takes in what you’ve said, and after a few minutes, you decide to change the topic, “how was patrol last night?” you ask.

Her face lights up in a second, “GA got knocked down! Black Spider was trying to get to this dad, and we swooped in! But Ollie got knocked down, flat on his ass. He tried to play it off, even let me take the lead, but you know him,” she smiled.

“I do,” you smiled back. “Ha! I can’t believe he got knocked on his ass. He’s never gonna live it down,” you cackle. “I wonder if we can find any security footage?” you ask with a mischievous smirk.

“None that he’d let us keep,” she laughs, shaking her head.

“You’re probably right,” you muse, turning to lean against the rail and face the blond. “We should probably get going. We’re supposed to be at the mountain at 5,” you hum softly after some silence.

“Yeah,” she nods, sniffing and standing up.

You follow, and then you both are repelling back to the ground. You walk to the zeta point but stop and grab Artemis by the arm before you walk in. “Maybe you weren’t brought in because you impressed them. But you just spent the last four months doing nothing but,” you tell her seriously, and she stares at you with wide eyes. “You’ve got nothing to prove. You’re one of a kind,” you reassure her.

She offers a hesitant nod and tries to move back to the Zeta point, but you keep your grip, “What?”

“Say it, Artemis,” you tell her. You catch as she rolls her eyes, but you know she needs it right now. You know she needs to say it just as much as she needs to hear it. “I’m serious. Say it.”

She heaves a heavy sigh but nods, “I've got nothing to prove. I'm one of a kind,” she says flatly.

“Say it with meaning,” you press, a smirk quirking at the ends of your lips.

“I’ve got nothing to prove,” she says thoughtfully. “I’m one of a kind,” she finished with a nod, and you can see how the words resonated with her. You can feel it cement a bit, reassuring her nerves from the grip you still had on her arm.

Satisfied, you let her go, “Good, let’s go. We’re already late,” you nod before disappearing through the Zeta.

MOUNT JUSTICE

December 5th, 17:04 EST

“Recognized; Nightingale b-14,” the computer announced as you stepped through the Zeta.

You freeze in place as you take in the group before you—the team, minus Robin, but also Red Tornado, Green Arrow, and most surprisingly, Roy.

“Roy?” your lips purse as you walk up to him.

“Hey, Birdy,” he greets, coming up to you for a hug.

“What are you doing here?” you whisper while he’s hugging you.

“Ollie’s idea,” Roy scoffs as he pulls back.

“What idea?” you ask as the zeta powers up again behind you.

“Recognized; Artemis b-07,” the computer announces.

“Artemis! Just in time, look who’s agreed to join the Team!” Ollie announced, and you felt the fracture in Artemis's armor, even without touching her.

“Finally!” Wally cheered.

You frowned a bit at Roy and then at Ollie. You hadn’t realized this was one of the League's caveats on Roy’s admittance.

“Sure, Team’s needed a real archer,” Artemis scoffs a bit under her breath, but you heard it. Your frown deepened a bit as you stared at the girl in green. You see Wally’s confused expression as he stares after her too.

“Okay, people, listen up! Dynamic Duo’s on a case in Gotham, but Batman gave me a heads up. Sportsmaster was spotted coming through Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport,” Ollie explained, pulling up details on the holo-screen.

“In full costume?” Zatanna asked, “Nervy!”

Her quip teased a playful smile as you took in Ollie’s exasperated expression. “In street clothes,” he corrects. “Facial recognition software picked up the ID. Find out what he's up to.”

“All of us?” Conner asks, gesturing to the ever-growing group that was your team. “Seems like overkill for a shadow job.”

He’s not wrong; you think to yourself as you look around.

“Perhaps a small squad?” Tornado offers. “Miss Martian's camouflage abilities seem ideal.”

“Thought the sidekicks- Sorry, ex-sidekicks could suit up on this,” Ollie offers instead. “Nightingale, Aqualad, Kid Flash, Red Arrow.”

“Good,” Conner huffs, “stakeouts make me crazy.”

M’gann nods in concession, “We could use the night off.”

“I want in,” Artemis’ voice cuts in, and GA seems shocked, though you can’t place why. On the other hand, you had a pretty good idea of why she’s volunteering. “With M'gann and Robin out, no one's logged more hours piloting the bioship,” she tags on.

GA seems to hesitate, “Artemis, are you sure?”

You watch as she squares her shoulders, “Absolutely.”

You all broke away shortly after that to get ready. Before making your way to the landing, you did a quick inventory check. You watched Artemis as you went; she checked her quiver and bow. You catch on how Wally also seems to be tracking all of her moves. When he notices you watching him, a light blush coats his cheeks, and you can’t help but raise a brow. That is definitely a thread you’ll be pulling on later. He ducks his attention away, and you turn back to your gear, surprised to see Roy headed your way.

“Red Arrow,” you tease.

“Are you sure you want to go?” he asks, and your hands freeze.

“I’m sorry, what?” you ask, lips pulling down.

“I know you said you would take it easy today and then be off tomorrow. If you don’t want to go, we can come up with an excuse,” he offers.

You frown at him, “I’m fine, Roy.”

“(Y/n)...” his voice drops low as he says your name.

“This’ll be good, alright?” you tell him. “It’s a chance to focus on something else, anything else… I want to go.”

“Okay,” he nods.

You offer him a small smile, “okay.”

“Now, uh, would you tell Ollie please because he looks like he’s going to climb the walls,” he adds cautiously.

You scoff but pat Roy’s shoulder as you walk past him and over to where Ollie’s leaning against the wall, watching as everyone gears up. You lean against the wall beside him, close enough for your shoulders to touch. You feel him take a breath and release it, and the tension seems to relax as he feels you next to him.

“I know I singled you out for this, but sweet girl, you don’t have to go. Not with tomorrow being what it is,” he sighs.

You take a deep breath and lean a little more into Ollie, “I want to go. I need the distraction,” you admit.

“I worry about you, kiddo, you know that,” he sighs.

“I know, I appreciate it, I really do, but I want to do this, plus someone’s gotta make sure both Roy and Artemis come back without killing each other,” you muse.

“Yeah, not the biggest fans of each other, are they?” Oliver heaved.

“No, they are not, but I like her. She’s tough, but I can feel it; she’s got a good heart. Plus, she called me earlier, you know? Told me all about patrol last night,” you tease.

“And here I was hoping you’d never hear about it,” Ollie chuckled.

“It’s okay to admit you’re getting a bit older, Ollie,” you laugh. “Your balance just isn’t what it used to be,” you tease.

“I’m not above telling Dinah your age shaming me,” he argues, and you offer him a genuine smile.

“I love you, Ollie, you know that, right?” you ask. Oliver finally tears his gaze from the rest of them to focus on you. The whites of his domino block his eyes, but you can feel the surprise sizzling through him. “I really hope you’re surprised because I actually said it and not because of what I said,” you add as you feel the emotion wash through.

“This empath thing is going to take some getting used to,” he huffs, nudging you a bit. “And it’s the first one. I know you do, sweet girl. I always have,” he promises.

“I’ll be okay. I’ll have the boys. Kaldur and Roy know what tomorrow is,” you tell him. Looking over, you notice that the rest of your squad is lining up at the bioship, “it’s time,” you mutter.

You bump shoulders with Ollie one more time before shoving off the wall, “Sweet girl,” he calls, stopping you for a moment. “You have my whole heart, Dinah’s too. We’re here for you, anything you need,” he promises.

He shocks you then, placing a kiss on your forehead, not the action itself, he’s done it more and more the closer you became, but the time and place were jarring.

“I know,” you nod one last time.

Ollie offers you a nervous smile, and you leave him to grab your gear and march onto the Bioship.

“Is something going on?” the rushed whisper surprises you as you turn to Wally with wide eyes.

“What?”

“GA, and you, it’s just you’re normally not like that in the cave. Is something going on?” he asks, brow furrowed.

You fight to keep your expression flat. Wally was way more observant than he’s given credit for, “Don’t worry about it, Wally,” you try to shrug off, though you see his unconvinced look. “Seriously, I’m okay,” you pair with a soft smile.

You can tell he doesn’t entirely believe you, but he does drop the topic long enough for you to load up and leave the Mountain. Soon enough, you’re all in the air, and Kaldur makes his way over. “I have a feeling that your tete-a-tete with Green Arrow has to do with the significance of tomorrow’s anniversary,” he says carefully.

You heave a heavy sigh, “So everyone is making the rounds today, huh?” you huff.

“Shut up, we care. Get over it,” Roy cuts in, and you can’t help but frown.

“I’d appreciate it greatly if we just not talk about it. I’ve already poured my heart out with Ollie and Roy; we talked a few days ago. So, until the clock strikes 12, I am going to act as if tomorrow isn’t the anniversary of the worst day of my life, and I’d appreciate it if you would do the same,” you decide sternly.

Both the older boys share a look and then turn back to you, “fine,” Roy concedes, walking back to his seat.

“His tact has always been less than desirable,” Kaldur decides. “I was supposed to speak with you quietly on my own first,” he huffs, sending a weak glare toward the back of Roy’s head.

“K…” you sigh.

“Palió fílo den eísai mónos. Tha eímai edó se períptosi pou to chreiasteíte, allá den tha piéso poté. To xéreis aftó,” the Atlantean language rolls off his tongue smoothly, and it takes you a second to realize that your heart seems to have stopped beating for a second as you take in the meaning, “old friend, you are not alone. I will be here in case you need it, but I will never push. You know this.”

You take another breath, this time much calmer, “Den se axízo…” you murmur. “I do not deserve you,” you had told him, and he offered a sad smile.

“You deserve it all,” he promises with a gentle pat on your hand before moving back to his seat, though you can see the look in his eyes as he glances back at you one last time.

You take a deep breath and roll your shoulders. In the process, you make eye contact with Wally, and you can’t help but freeze at how intensely he’s staring at you with his green eyes. A piece of you actually stutters because you know him, how big his heart is, and he wants to be here for you but can’t because you won’t talk to him. Your friendship with Wally and Dick had always been different from the borderline mother-henning you received from Kaldur, and there’s a piece of you that still thinks it’s because they didn’t know what he did.

ORLEANS PARISH

December 5th, 21:27 CST

You were crouched with Roy in the trees observing Sportsmaster. You watched as he loaded a small speedboat, fingers fiddling with one of your ring daggers. You had traded your regular leather jacket (stashed safely on the bioship) for a plain-looking zip-up covering your utility belt, leaving you in a somewhat civilian-looking state. Your mask was in a pocket on your belt, and you had shades on as you both watched your target jump into the boat.

“Target's heading north,” you say softly into your comms as you follow Roy down the hill and into the shrubs covering your jetski.

You perched behind him, wrapping an arm around his waist as you tracked Sportsmaster. “Pursue, but maintain a discreet distance. And that goes double for you, Artemis. Sportsmaster's proven adept at spotting Martian camouflage when in motion,” Roy adds, as the two of you followed at a distance.

“Was that necessary?” you ask in a hushed whisper, muting your comm.

“It is if she’s the mole,” he shot back.

“I thought we dropped this particular argument,” you hiss.

“You did, I didn’t,” Roy shot back.

You wanted to continue the argument, but up ahead, you noticed as Sportsmaster began to slow down, “He's stopped,” you mutter back into the comms, switching your mic live once more.

“Hold your positions,” Roy tags on, looking back to make eye contact with you.

He’s posing a silent question, one you can recognize after years of work together, and despite the sour taste in your mouth from your previous question, you nod your head in assent to what he’s asking.

“We’re moving in for a closer look,” he tells the team, and together, you dismount the jetski to creep through the parish as silently as possible.

It’s quiet as Roy focuses on Sportsmaster through his binoculars and as you observe the surrounding area, but when you hear a distant clinging sound, you grip Roy’s shoulder and frown. His lips pull down as you let go and start moving away from him and into the parish. You creep forward, pulling out two daggers as you follow the noise.

You manage to get close enough to spot the source of the commotion and have to stifle a groan at the sight of Cheshire. Quietly you plant your legs and wind both arms back, daggers in both. Right before you’re about to swing, whipping the blades toward the assassin, two hands grab your wrists gently. Peering back with a tightened grip on your weapons, you spot Roy, who silently shakes his head and releases your wrists. He pulls out his bow and grabs one of his trick arrows. He gestures for you to go wide towards Artemis as he pulls back.

You watch as the arrow soars, expanding into a net trap that manages to tie Cheshire to a tree. You both run after it, stopping beside Artemis. A quick visual assessment tells you she’s uninjured, though your attention is snagged away by the trapped assassin.

“Why, Arrow. If you wanted another date, you only had to ask…” she drawls, and your jaw drops.

“You two are dating?” Artemis shouts, whipping to stare at Roy, while you’re left in a mixed state of disgust and amusement, recalling the Taipei mission.

“Wh-what?” Roy stutters, “No!”

Cheshire offers a small scoff, “Why deny the attraction? After all, Arrow, you're here.” She paused for a second, switching her grip and using her katana to cut through the netting. “Really, I'm so fond of you, both. I couldn't bear to hurt you… much!” she grunts, brandishing her blade.

You twirl your ring daggers as you step forward, “and what am I? Chopped liver?”

“Of course not, little bird,” she argues, dropping into a stance, “but you’re about to be,” she hints before charging.

Your blades come up quick, and you use them to redirect hers. And when she draws back, you move forward to lunge at her, “your humor remains unmatched,” you snark as your blades make contact again.

“Hmm, it’s one of my best qualities,” she hums as the two of you continue to fight. “Your technique is improving, pretty bird. It’s impressive, but not enough,” she notes as she causes you to drop a blade and manages a superficial slice through your zip up at your arm and then again at your cheek before kicking you back.

As you stumble down, Artemis and Roy move forward, intent on getting to Cheshire. However, you lose sight of each other when the assassin sets off smoke bombs.

You push yourself up and rip off the zip-up, looking around for any clearing in the smoke or hint at your bearings.

You hear a shout from your left, “Sportsmaster!” It’s Roy’s voice but quickly followed with a grunt.

You start moving toward it, and manage to break through the smoke in time to see Cheshire on top of Roy, sai against his cheek as she kissed him.

“Oh, too bad, lover boy… but at least, a kiss is still a kiss…” she drawled, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, but before you could get any closer, Cheshire was knocked back.

“And a sai is just a sai,” Wally muses, “And quite the souvenir, by the way,” Wally adds on, noting the weapon now in his hand.

“Artemis, tracer arrow on Sportsmaster, now!” Roy shouts as he pushes himself up.

Wally spots you next. A frown overtakes his face as he takes in your new injuries, but your attention breaks when you hear Artemis utter an upset huff, “He's out of range!”

“Move!” Roy demands, shoving a bit as he launches his arrow, just in time to land a tracker on the boat, before taking off to the jet ski.

“You're abandoning?” Artemis scoffed as he ran.

“I'm prioritizing!” he shot back.

“Arrow!” you shout after him, but he doesn’t respond, simply taking off after Sportsmaster.

“Oh, that's gotta sting….” Cheshire drawls, reappearing behind Wally. “He makes the shot you're afraid to even try!”

Artemis grunts before starting to shoot at Cheshire, and you dive for your daggers still on the ground. Scooping them up, you begin volleying your attack at the trained shadow. With Artemis and Wally, you switch between weaponry and tactics to attack the assassin. When Kaldur comms in with a new plan, you make eye contact with your three teammates before doing what you can to follow through.

You watch Cheshire send Artemis flying back, and when you try to turn to her, one of her shurikens flies dangerously close to your face. When you look back, she’s gone, and your eyes land on Wally helping Artemis back up.

“Hey, did you-” before you can finish your question, Artemis is nodding.

“Tracer’s on her sword,” she affirms.

“Brilliant! I knew you could-” Wally’s statement is borderline flirtatious, but when you hear the jet ski getting closer, he cuts himself off. Instead, his eyes narrow once more on the cut on your face.

“Oh, hey, there's the guys! Birdy, let me see your face,” Wally decides, grabbing at your wrist as you move to catch up to where Roy and Kaldur were.

You try to glance back at Artemis, but Wally keeps a firm grip as he tugs you along, “I’d much rather talk about whatever that was,” you tease but are met with a leveled glare. “You’re usually a lot more fun,” you pout at him.

“Birdy..” there’s a heavy sigh to his tone, “I know you’re not telling me something, and that’s… whatever, but let me see the cut. And whenever you’re ready to talk about, whatever it is you’re deflecting from, I’ll be here,” he frowns.

“Fine,” you huff, turning to face him, pushing your sunglasses up, so he has an unobstructed view. Wally’s eyes widen slightly in surprise, and you roll your eyes at him. “Just ‘cause I’m not telling you something doesn’t mean I don’t still trust you,” you snip, but your words are honest. There were very few people in your life that you trusted as much as you trusted Wally.

A small smile quirks Wally’s lips as he checks on the cut, “how many times a day do you roll your eyes at me?”

His question comes out so genuine, but the words force you to choke down the laugh that threatens to burst through, “too many times to count,” you relent, a smile curling at your lips.

“Figures,” he chuckles, pushing your sunglasses back down. “Surface cut, probably won’t even scar,” he tells you.

“Could’ve told you that myself, but thanks, doc,” you tease, pushing Wally over to where Kaldur and Roy had just stopped, and Artemis joined you a few minutes later.

“So, we threw the fight, as ordered. After Artemis planted the tracer,” Wally confirmed.

“Cheshire's heading North,” Artemis shares, holding up her tracker’s data pad.

“Sportsmaster was headed South,” Roy shoots back. “Kinda like this mission,” he adds with a harsh bite, causing you to quirk a brow at his tone.

“Maybe he'll double back,” you offer, voice level as you keep your gaze focused on Roy, “maybe she will.”

“Either way, they'll rendezvous, and we'll find them!” Wally completes.

“We had better,” Kaldur warns. “Sportsmaster acquired an attaché case. We need to learn what it contained,” he paused for a second, hesitating almost, and your lips turned down as he turned to Artemis. “If you had stayed aboard the Bio-Ship….”

“I saw Cheshire sneaking up on them!” Artemis defended.

“Then you radio a warning,” Roy argues.

“And if she found you by hacking our frequency?” she shot back.

“That’s true,” you note, pulling a lip between your teeth. It was a tough argument. You understand the importance of holding your position during a mission, you know how bad things could go, and the current situation wasn’t ideal. However, you know better than the rest that Artemis needs this right now, needs to feel useful, needs to prove herself. And right now, you don’t think she’d listen if you told her any differently.

“We have come to rely on M'gann's telepathy over our radios,” Kaldur supported.

Wally huffed, interjecting, “So let's stop looking to place blame and start looking for Cheshire.”

Artemis tossed the data pad at Roy, “Here. Since, clearly, I can't be trusted; you track her.”

“Artemis-” you try to cut in, brow furrowing deeper as you turned back to her, as Wally snatched the pad back and tried to give it back to the blonde.

“It’s fine. I'll follow in the Bioship,” she decided, waving you both off before moving back to the Bioship.

“Go, Kid. Arrow, NG, and I will return to the river. And we will all follow, as originally planned,” Kaldur decides.

“Actually, Wally, I’ll meet you by your bike,” you bite out, gaining a few looks, but you don’t elaborate.

You wait a second, allowing KF to take off and for Kaldur to walk out of earshot, gripping Roy’s arm tightly. “I know you’re mole hunting. I know you don’t like how GA brought her to the team. But let me be clear, she has earned her space on this team, and every time you undermine or belittle her, all you do is drive a wedge between her and this team. Jeopardizing how we all work together,” you say levelly, staring out into the parish but keeping your grip tight.

Roy attempts to shrug you off, but you simply tighten your grip a little more, “Birdy,” he huffs.

“No. Since day one, you’ve treated her like shit. I’m sick of it, Roy. You need to grow up. I’m here doing my best to keep my personal shit out of the mission, and if I can do that today of all days, then so can you. This mission just got extended, and I’ll be lucky to make it back before tomorrow, so pull it together because I won’t be able to for much longer,” you huff, letting go of his arm and turning to glare at him before stalking off towards Wally.

“Not that you’re not my best girl, and you know I’d follow you blindly, but any chance you want to elaborate on what’s going on?” he asks, mustering up all the nonchalance he had.

You stop for a second and take a deep breath, “we need to focus on Sportsmaster and Cheshire-”

“(Y/n)-”

“No! Wally, please… I will tell you, but not until the mission is done. I swear I will tell you, but only once we’re done, I can’t-” you cut yourself off to take a deep breath, “I can’t deal with it until we’re done because if I go into it now, it won’t stop,” your tone is borderline begging as you struggle to get a grasp on your emotions.

Wally’s eyes blew wide as he pulled his helmet off, dropping it to the floor to grab your arms, “Hey, hey, hey, okay. It’s okay, I know I’m pushing, but you don’t have to tell me,” he reminds you.

You take another deep breath and nod at him, his grip grounding you, your hand wrapping around his arms as you calm down, “I will tell you,” you repeat, though much calmer. “I will, just once we’re done,” you say softly.

“Okay,” he nods.

“We should go,” you swallow, straightening and stuffing all thoughts unrelated to the mission into a box, closing the lid, and shoving it aside until you are ready to address it properly.

Wally gives you another careful look before picking up his helmet and walking back to the bike, “You wanna drive?”

Your eyes snap to him, lips quirking up a little, “fuck yes,” you huff, and he smiles at you, gesturing for you to hope on first.

NEW ORLEANS

December 5th, 22:18 CST

“Aqualad to Kid and NG,” Aqualad’s voice crackled over the comms about fifteen minutes after the two of you had hit the road.

“What’s up, Aqualad,” KF answered from his spot seated behind you.

“Arrow’s located Cheshire and Sportsmaster, sending updated coordinates now. Kid, you should go ahead,” he instructs.

There’s a ping on the bike’s display, and you start to break immediately, “He’s right, KF. We’ve been going the wrong way. You’re faster than the bike,” you note as the two of you slow to a stop.

“Are you sure?” he asks, hopping off.

“I’ll be right behind you,” you reassure him.

Wally nods once before turning and taking off. You’re quick to do the same, pulling a u-turn before revving the bike up to its max speeds. You’d switched the sunglasses for your mask right before you took off from the parish and had since ditched the zip-up. Instead, Wally’s racing jacket was slung over your bare arms since he’d been wearing his suit underneath.

By the time you regrouped with Aqualad, you could see the slight annoyance on his face, “what is it?” you asked as he slid onto the bike behind you, and you took off once more, heading for the rendezvous point Roy had sent.

“I found our tracker,” he said shortly.

“Okay?”

“It was on a train car. There was no evidence of Cheshire or Sportsmaster,” he explains a bit more.

Your heart thudded; with all of Roy’s accusations, it’s hard to keep from jumping to the worst, “maybe Cheshire ditched her tracker? She’s highly skilled and could’ve spotted it right after Artemis planted it. Plus, there were tracks near the parish. She could’ve meant to send us on a meaningless chase,” you attempt to reason.

“Someone most definitely did, although I am unsure as to whom,” he advised, voice leveled.

“I really hate this day,” you decide suddenly.

“On that, we agree,” he affirms before you both elapse into silence.

The two of you were too late to join the party, unfortunately. By the time you got there, Sportsmaster and Cheshire were gone- with no means of tracking them. And according to Artemis, a chance at Klarion, The Brain, Gorilla Mallah, and Professor Ivo had also been missed. None of you were happy as you piled onto the Bioship. Kaldur helped you load the bike as Artemis slipped back into the pilot’s seat.

MOUNT JUSTICE

December 6th, 03:21 EST

The flight back to the Mountain was in silence, and every minute that ticked by put you further on edge. You summoned a clock to appear in front of you. Even from your spot away from everyone, you could feel their emotions bubbling; Roy’s tension, distrust, and anger; Kaldur’s quiet yet tense contemplation; Wally’s nervous energy was vibrating off the ship's walls; a gut-wrenching mix of unclear emotions from Artemis. You did your best to tune it out and instead watched the minutes tick by, willing your brain to stop.

The second the clock struck twelve, and the date changed to the 6th, you had to fight the swell of emotions; to bite back the scream that echoed in your throat and push down the tears welling in your eyes. The mission was almost done, you were almost home, and then you could fall apart. You had to make it home, away from everyone else and their overwhelming emotions that threatened your own mental stability.

By the time you touched down, you were barely holding it together. Lips welded shut, and fists clenched tightly. The rest of the team met you in the main training space of the Mountain, and you let Kaldur take the lead.

“Let me be clear, we failed. Though the Injustice League is in custody, their allies still scheme. And we have learned nothing of their plans,” he said flatly, after a short recap of the mission gone wrong.

“Gee, I wonder why,” Roy lamented, taking a dig at Artemis and crossing his arms.

“Hey! Who found out Sportsmaster was working for Brain, Klarion, and Ivo?” she snapped, surging forward.

“Yeah, great intel! Except Ivo has been in Belle Reve the whole time!” Roy shot back. “And the guards just checked. It's the real Ivo, not a robot!”

“You know, I'm getting pretty tired of you dumping on her,” Wally stepped up, sliding himself between Artemis and Roy, the emotions in the room were rising, and your hand began to shake in spillover.

Roy simply held up a tracer, “Her tracer, so?” Wally asked. “Cheshire ditched it.”

“No,” Roy corrected. “Artemis ditched that to send us on a wild-goose chase,” he huffed before holding up an identical tracer. “She put this one on Cheshire.”

Your eyes snapped to the girl in green whose energy suddenly flattened as if the heat behind her argument had been extinguished.

“Artemis?” Wally’s voice was soft as he turned to her. He paused for a second, but when she said nothing, Wally’s emotions shifted, and his face hardened, “Are you that freaked out about Arrow joining the Team? You had to prove yourself by bringing down the bad guys solo?” he asked, hints of anger laced into his words. “Please, tell me I'm wrong!”

Artemis looked at him, and all you could feel from her was sadness and guilt as she opened her mouth to say something but then shut it, dropping his gaze.

“Well, nice going. What you proved is that you're insecure and selfish,” he frowned, voice lower than you could ever remember hearing it, but behind his words were the echo of hurt. “Keep the sai,” he decides, letting the weapon clatter to the floor. “This is the right souvenir for the mission,” he says, snatching the tracer from Roy’s grip and stomping off to the locker rooms.

“So, how will you betray us next time?” Roy asked, heat in every word as he readdressed Artemis, and you snapped.

“Enough!” you shouted, and everyone froze, looking at you with wide eyes, and for a second, even Roy lost his arrogance. “Stop it, all of you need to stop it,” you huff, taking in a shaking breath. “If making a mistake was a betrayal, we would all be traitors,” you say seriously, locking gaze with Roy, then Artemis, and finally Kaldur, when he laid a hand gently on your shoulder.

“I must report to Batman. The rest of you, get some sleep,” he decides, and everyone dispersed, casting you another weary look.

The only ones remaining were Roy, Artemis, and you.

“You're not who you say you are. This isn't over. Not by a long shot,” Roy warns before heading to the locker rooms himself.

She stands in front of you, clearly guilty and upset, and finally, you can breathe because now it’s only the two of you, and it’s easier to manage the emotions bubbling out without so much outside interference.

“You made a bad call, but I stand by what I’ve said. It was a mistake on your part, a miscalculation in how much you could trust us. But trust is a two-way street, Artemis. Most of us have known each other for too long to second guess. I grew up with Roy, and spent a year as Kaldur’s study buddy and neighbor. I trained and met with Rob and KF almost the entire time I was a sidekick. We rescued Superboy from Cadmus. He chose us and fought for us. M’gann is still learning, but she’s made choices, trusted us with her life several times, and given us access to her mind. We extend what we can to you, but you barely give us anything in return,” your voice is low as you attempt an explanation.

You watch as her shoulders sag, as she bites her lip to keep from saying something, and so you continue, “I’m not asking for your secret ID. That’s yours to protect, to give. And I’m sorry if this sounds harsh. I’ve got my shit going on too. I’m telling you because I’ve been telling you that I believe in you. I said it before we even got the mission yesterday. I told you, you’ve earned your spot. I told you that you’d proven your worth and skill. You chose to disregard that statement, to put no faith into what I shared, and instead, we lost our target, learned nothing about his visit to Louisiana, and failed the mission. I suggest you reconsider how you want our team dynamics to be going further. M’gann and I are different from the rest. We feel things more intensely, we have a better understanding, and even though I’m hurt that you didn’t trust me the way I’ve been trusting you, I know why you did it. I disagree, but I get it. Not everyone will be so quick to see that,” you further, pausing again.

This time you move a bit closer, patting her shoulder, you want to say more, but you can’t. At this point, you need to scream or cry, or both. You need to let out your emotions because staying in control is too hard and too much. It’s just too much for today, for right now. So you pat her shoulder and walk toward the locker rooms.

You slump onto the bench and close your eyes, trying to breathe. The sounds of incoming steps interrupt you. Opening your eyes, you’re ready to shout at anyone dumb enough to try to talk to you right now, but the words die as Wally crouches down in front of you. He is sitting on the floor and looking up at you with hurt in his green eyes and concern simmering just below.

“Today’s the 6th,” you mutter, pulling the specialized alcohol wipes from your utility belt to help remove the adhesive of your mask. He doesn’t say anything, eyes tracing how your hands were shaking so much that you couldn't tear the packet open even with the fingerless gloves on your hand. Instead, his hands reach out and pull it for you, but his lips stay shut. “December 6th,” you swallow as you start tracing over your mask, using the wipe against the adhesive.

“Eight years ago, today, I watched as my parents were shot and killed in front of me,” you force your voice to stay level as you finally pull the mask off, bearing the rawest part of you to Wally. “That’s why everyone was so concerned about me yesterday, why Ollie and I were the way we were. Why Kaldur and Roy kept trying to check in on me or tell me I didn’t have to go on the mission because today is the anniversary of the worst day of my life,” you hiccup slightly as all the tears you’ve been pushing down for hours, breakthrough. “Which is why I couldn’t talk about it earlier, because that means facing it, and I didn’t want to. Because eight years means I’ve spent more time without my parents than I have with them, and it hurts. It hurts in a way that I hope you never know, Wally,” you manage to spit out before the first sob wracks through you.

You keel over, hiding your face in your arms, and you feel Wally’s hands on your knees, thumbs rubbing circles as he silently does his best to support you. For once, he doesn’t joke or prod. He stays silent as he lets you cry and does his best to support you. Slowly he helps in soft, gentle movements. He unclips your utility belt, then the harnesses for the ring daggers. Unclasps your choker and helps unravel your braids. Unties and unzips your boots. He lets you cry through the process, finally releasing the tidal wave of emotion you’ve been holding back and bottling.

When you calm down enough, he hands you a towel and a change of clothes from your duffle, directing you to the shower stalls. He waits outside for you to pass him your suit, and while you’re showering, if he hears you heave a few more sobs, he never says a word.

He has you sit back on the bench when you reemerge, showered, clean, but with puffy red eyes. You’re dressed in sweats and an oversized hoodie that most likely belonged to Roy or Ollie. He grabs the hairbrush from your locker and brushes your hair back before braiding your hair in a simple single, loose braid that just barely manages to keep your hair out of your face. He forces you to drink water while he braids, and even in this in-between state, you could hear the few swears Wally drops under his breath as he wrestles with your hair. Though, overall you found the action sweet and quite soothing.

When he’s done, he comes back around and crouches in front of you again, hands on your knees, “are you hungry?” he asks gently.

It’s not the question you were anticipating, but you look at him with big, sad, teary eyes and shake your head, no. Not totally a lie because, frankly, you didn’t have an appetite.

“Am I taking you to Dinah or Ollie? Or do you want to go home with me? We have a guest room,” he asks the questions softly and waits patiently for you to answer.

“Ollie’s,” you manage to croak after the silence has stretched for a few minutes, allowing you to summon the strength.

“Okay, I’m going to call GA, so he can come to get you, and take you home,” Wally decides, standing up.

Your arms latch quickly onto his, stopping him from moving, “Please don’t leave me alone,” you beg as new tears slip down your cheeks.

Green eyes wide with concern, he shakes his head, “I won’t,” he promises, sitting back down. He pulls out his phone and taps something, “Computer, please contact Green Arrow immediately and tell him to come to the locker room ASAP. Don’t stop calling until he answers,” Wally calls out.

“Contacting Green Arrow now,” the voice confirms, and Wally returns to rubbing small circles on your knees.

You’re not outrightly sobbing anymore, and tears that slip past are primarily silent and slow, so he cautiously tests the water, “this why you were so quiet on the flight back?”

You offer a slight nod in confirmation.

“Okay, and uh, this have anything to do with what you talked to Roy about in the Parish?”

You hold up your hand, squishing your pointer and thumb together with a small gap between them as a non-verbal answer. Talking just seemed too daunting a task at the moment.

“A little?” he asks, gaining a nod from you in confirmation. “Artemis?” he follows, and you nod again. He waits a beat and then asks, “are you mad at her?”

You pause and think it through before making the same hand motion as before, and this time Wally nods, “Yeah, me too,” he frowns.

Wally stays with you, thumbs rubbing small circles into your knees as you wait for Oliver, and eventually, he shows up. Blond hair in different directions, wearing sweatpants, a hoodie, and his mask. A frow immediately pulls at his lips as he takes in the state you’re in.

“Sweet girl,” he huffs, rushing over to you, one arm lopping around your shoulders, as he crouches down next to Wally.

“She told me, what today is, and I- I didn’t want to leave her alone, she’s present and answering questions, but I don’t think she’s fully aware of everything,” Wally explains, and Oliver nods.

“Good man, Wally. Her first few years were a lot like this. She’d bottle everything and try to carry on until the bottle shattered. She was left like this, disassociating just enough to function after her initial release,” Ollie explained, and maybe if you were fully coherent, you’d get mad at how he was talking about you like you weren’t right next to him. “Thank you for calling me and staying with her, but it’s time for me to take her home.” “All her gear is in her locker. I put it there and wiped down what I could while she was in the shower,” he adds as Oliver shifts you slightly and pulls you into his arms before standing up. You curl into Oliver’s hold as Wally’s grip falls away.

“Thank you,” Ollie repeats, and slowly the three of you make your way to the Zeta. “It’s late, Wally. You should head home,” he adds as they stop moving.

Before Wally can move, your hand swings and grabs onto his arm. Wally freezes, looks at you, and inches closer, lacing your fingers with his. You still don’t want to talk, but you focus the little brain power you have left to send a wave of gratitude his way, pulling on the memories of everything he’s done for you.

He squeezes your hand, eyes wide in wonder as you share your new ability with him. “You don’t have to thank me, (y/n). I already told you, you’re my best girl,” he muses pathetically. Moving to hold your hand and squeeze, “only one to stick by me, no matter what, who never lies to me. You’re my best friend, and I’ll always be here,” he promises, placing a small kiss on the back of your hand, squeezing one more time before letting go. “I’ll see you soon, Birdy,” he adds as he taps at the Zeta stand.

“Recognized; Kid Flash, b-03,” the computer announced, and then he was gone.

“Our turn, Dinah’s waiting on the other side with a car, and then we’re going to go home. And no one, no one, is leaving you alone today,” Oliver promises, and the zeta lights up again.

“Recognized; Green Arrow, 08. Nightingale, b-14.”

everything tags:

@butterfly-skinnylegend

dc taglist:

@loninctzencarat @grey-water-colors @batarella @escapenightmare

cnng taglist:

@babymango-writes @smile-more19 @truly-dionysus @sometimeseverythingsucks @dweeb-central @explodingwaffle789 @evermoore580 @whelmedparker @midnxghtblue @putyourcigoutonmyback @emoryjosten @wheresthecoffee @unicorn-mya @bouqet-of-gay @duckmylife18 @ahyeonah @cryingnotcrying @just-living5 @wvnderstodd @mischiefmanaged71 @we-flower-fan @laurcad123 @aces-tattooartist @kate-maximoff-blog @awkward-youtube-trash @charactermoodboard @currentresidentinhell @raggedyoldwitch @ivoryeycs @farfromjustordinary @cipheress-to-k-pop @seninjakitey @bigtimesexhaving @gautier-lei @unini @brightjimini @tinybeantm @kendallambrosio @hanbedumbaf @escapenightmare @lolsnacks @galacticmei @cynthiarose07

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hotarutranslations · 1 month

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Honey and Orange and Blue and Emerald Green

Evening

I was suddenly recommended this while watching YouTube,

"The☆Peace!" I Taught The 2 In King Kong A Dance ☆Ishida Ayumi Perspective☆

Through that,

My heart skipped a beat🫣🫣 I tensed up🫣🫣

lol

Again, everyone definitely check it out, I'll leave the video here🪽

"The☆Peace!" A Dance Lesson From A Current Morning Musume Member

Recently,

…That is, the day before yesterday, yesterday, and today,

I have been thinking and feeling like, If only I had met you earlier🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ That way of thinking? or, that opinion?

Its like that~~

(super roughly lol)

While thinking, if I had gone with that way of thinking, I would be on a different path now~

But!

Since I was able to meet you through this current path, certainly,

Its fun but difficult!!!

(I know this photo is already around but, I can't decide which photo to post so I'll post this one! lol)

I took this photo, when I saw Duu's live,

The penlights were Harunan's color💛

While watching the live, While most were waving orange,

Maa and I,

were waving emerald green and blue😂 lol

Moreover,

Maa waved blue, and I waved emerald green

lol

Making a strong statement in the audience😂👏🏻 We were the farthest in the back so……😂👏🏻

It was fun!

Tomorrow is my own live,

Its our Osaka performance, Lets have fun🫶🏻

Its here✍🏻

🩵🎫e+ 🩵🎫TicketPia

Also the finale has been decided

May 27th (Mon) Nippon Budoukan .🌏👏🏻

The Ticket FC Advance Reception is undergoing! I'm looking forward to being able to meet!

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

In season 10 we challenged breakin', its reairing continuously! On the 15th, 17th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, #1~#6 all at once! Check out HP for info!

Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" Every week (Sat) 10:25AM~ Ishida Ayumi Goes~!

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Also on YouTube

Sendai Broadcast Ara Ara Kashiko

📺"HinaFest 2024" Before Special ~NamaTake Member Great Gathering 2 Hour SP~

CS TV Asa Channel March 24th (Sun) 12:00PM~

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

✍🏻Tokyo Sports note Series I'll tell you more about the 13 in Morning Musume '24

Announcement of Series Graduation in March

🪩Spring Tour Has Been Decided Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring MOTTO MORNING MUSUME

We'll be going around the country from March 16th!

🪩HinaFest March 30th and 31st at Makuhari Messe

🪩JAPAN JAM Morning Musume '24 will be performing on May 3rd!

⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

.👗👠 Aoyama Clothing x Morning Musume '24

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! ~Expressing Love Towards My Favorite Panda-san♡ ver.~ in Adventure World

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! Mei-chan's Holiday. Adventure World with Oda-san and Ishida-san

see you ayumin <3

#Ishida Ayumi #Morning Musume '24 #Morning Musume #Sato Masaki #Kudou Haruka #Hello! Project #Translation #Blog

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crystal-lillies · 1 year

Text

Okay so first thoughts after watching Power of the Doctor, featuring some things I screamed while watching (Spoilers):

-start of the episode is a bit clunky but not a terrible reintroduction to the CyberMasters

-Sacha Dhawan absolutely fucking annihilates every scene he's in my god. Goes absolute apeshit nuts. I love it

-THE CLASSIC MASTER LINES

-AAAAAACE!!!!! TEEEEEGAAAAANNN!!!!

-CLASSIC COMPANIONS MY BELOVEDS!

-Dan...:( really got a short end of the stick I feel like. Kind of abrupt. He and Yaz def had a stronger bond so I like they had a nice goodbye but. Man that felt so cut off.

-I bet the Four inside Thirteen felt(tm) that poor Dalek, knowing that it was right that they failed their original purpose to help the Kaleds survive. "That poor Dalek" my god but I did feel so bad :(

-the way Ace calls The Master out on being a catboy cleared my acne, watered my crops, boosted my serotonin

-also the unhinged way The Master was so delighted that the armed troops were for him. Am I gOIng tO UNIT??? You doughnut. Bastard man. I can't help but enjoy watching you chew up every scene!!

-VINDER!!!!

-YAZ FLYING THE TARDIS YAZ FLYING THE TARDIS!!! THE TARDIS LISTENING TO YAZ!!!

-the fucking memes don't even do it justice. The Master fucking blasting Rasputin. Was playing Rasputin just a cover so he could blast this song? I would believe it. It's absolutely 10000% in character.

-oh SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!! DHAWAN!DOCTOR!MASTER???!!

-Don't mind me casually breaking the sound barrier when 5 shows up to Tegan and mentions Adric. A single word. A single name. And I screech loud enough to hear 10 miles away.

-KATE STEWART DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE SURE YOUR PEOPLE ARE OKAY FIRST BEFORE YOU GO ANYWHERE YOU DOUGHNUT!!!!!!!

-Yaz my angel my beloved you rockstar FUCK HIM UP <3

-sidebar Sacha Dhawan rocks in 13's outfit (and maybe that's why the Beeb was afraid of DT in it...too much power 😔). And then that fucking mismatch. The SWEATER. I CAN'T.

-8 ILYSM bb your sass always appreciated. Bonus, CLASSIC DOCTORS BABEY!!!

-sideside note. Sentient energy creature thing? Cool af. Wish we got a tad bit more time exploring that but only so much time alas.

-Yaz you brilliant love. And VINDER!!! I'M FREELANCE!!! HELL YEAH YOU ARE GET HIS ASS!!!!

-RUTH FUGITIVE DOCTOR HELLO BB YOU SLAY EVEN AS A HOLOGRAM

-dont make me go back to being me ow wow that actually hurt a bit, and that's how this Master does actually come from Missy

-ACE!!!!!!! SEVEN!!!! AND GRAHAM!!!! GRAHAM BOY!!!!!!! HELLO!!! SHOW EM HOW YOU DID IT IN 1963!

-you made Adric proud Tegan....even if he would be too much of a little shit to say so off the bat, he'd be proud of you....

-Kate's point to herself. That "me?" Moment. My god. Did no one ever take her in the TARDIS? (Stares at 11 and 12)

-Using the Master's TARDIS against his plan (again), excellent. Actual solving of the whole CyberMasterDalek plan? A little shaky. But I'll allow it. Thanks to "a bit crowded. Just how I like it" 13. Honey. Are we having Journey's End flashbacks and missing all your friends in a TARDIS? :( is this a sign

-oof fuck ow ouch I half expected her to be sliced in half with that ray beam but fjdgkd watching too much Vox Machina lately and forgot for a sec that BBC would never be that brutal and I'm glad--

-because we got the CARRY!!! THE LIFT!!! THEM!!!!!!

-hi can you hear the sound of my heart breaking into one million pieces seeing Yaz finally start crying after being so brave and put together through everything. Knowing after everything she STILL loses her Doctor. I'm not okay. I'm not okay!!!!!!! I want more time with her too Yaz!!!! Right here with you!!!!

-"i loved being with you, Yaz" don't!! Mind!! Me!! Screaming crying throwing up!!!!

-still could have at least kissed her hand but. Mmmmmmm the way they look at each other. The way they both acknowledged the love they feel. But Chibnall and BBC are still cowards.

-classic companions!!!!!!!!! Way to bring back the OG holy fuck

-Dan sitting in a room as the newest companion with one of the FIRST companions. Iconic.

-"Look after the next one" HONEY!!!! I'M NOT READY!!!!!

-"Tag, you're it" WHAT A LINE. WHAT A LAST LINE. I'M STILL NOT READY BUT GOD DAMN.

-!and that sunrise regeneration shot!!! Absolutely fucking breathtaking!!!! In tears!!!

-aaannnd then the twist. Clothes regen def throws me a sign that This Is Wrong. We saw MULTIPLE REGENS here my dudes and clothes did not change. This is Important.

- Also fuck off RTD, respectfully, but DT is not Fourteen. He doesn't get to have two whole numbered lives after *everything else he got already.* Fourteen is Ncuti thank you the fuck much. He was announced first, and we all celebrated him as 14 first. So there.

#flowerspeak #doctor who #power of the doctor #doctor who spoilers #classic who #long post #do i need to tag everyone and everything uh #13th doctor #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #tegan jovanka #ace mcshane #kate lethbridge stewart #dhawan!master #dan lewis #this is long enough i think #I'm so sorry

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emiemi345 · 1 year

Text

🚨Spoiler-filled thoughts on the new Total Drama Island from someone who just bingewatched it (me)

I went into this season with zero expectations so I wouldn't be upset when my favorites left, and I'm kinda glad I did because it was kinda mid tbh

Ripper should've been out first. He should've been the filler character designed to go early that everyone immediately turned against.

That WAS too early for a merge WTH

When they got down to the last marshmallow in each episode, I predicted the character I liked more would get eliminated and, not counting Zee, I was right 5 out of 10 times

Chase and Emma 2 were about as interesting to me as Devin and Carrie were (i.e., not)

Imagine making a whole episode about farts 🙄

It was around episode 12 when I realized "damn this show's really still going isn't it"

The use of CGI was interesting! On a related note, this season has a lot more cinematic shots in general - I like it!

If Camp Wawanakwa's back, does that mean its sinking has been retconned? (Can we retcon the rest of All Stars too while we're at it? 😆)

The only characters I really enjoyed watching were Scary Girl, Damien, Bowie, Zee and MK

Zee is pure and wholesome and I didn't expect him to be so funny!

MK had soooo much potential and they did almost nothing with her. If I got attached to her I would've been so pissed

Every time they say gay my heart melts 🥰

"Chris Better Have My Honey" is a banger of an episode title but it feels like the episode was written for it and not the other way around

Since when does Chef care about the contestants' wellbeing so much?

Why were they allowed to re-vote just because Zee was being stupid?? That's literally never happened before and it's one of the least fair eliminations ever (it also would've been funnier if they just moved on with the initial marshmallow ceremony without acknowledging his plan)

That TAPEWORM (WHY) is the most messed up thing in the entirety of this franchise imo (and of course it talks, were you expecting it to stay quiet? /s). I legit couldn't even look at my screen when they were eating it, and there are people that had to animate it 🤢

I guess I appreciate that the v*m*t was rainbow this time (I use the term "appreciate" very loosely)

We should be getting another ending where Bowie wins, so I'm interested to see Priya's reaction to losing

I feel like the reboot's Season Two will be more of a Part Two than just a Season Two, like I'm starting to think some characters were deliberately intended to be fleshed out over two seasons instead of just this one

Scary Girl is fun to have around, but her only purpose is to be creepy and funny, and she has no business outlasting better characters. A hypothetical compromise could be her getting booted earlier next season then staying as an intern!

If I had hopes for the next season, I would hope that Zee and MK make it to the finals!

Chris said it's been 15 years since the first Total Drama Island premiered. The Ridonculous Race takes place around just three years after the first TDI. A HUGE IN-UNIVERSE TIME SKIP JUST OCCURRED.

#original post #emily says some things #cartoons #total drama #td #td 2023 #total drama island #tdi #total drama island 2023 #tdi 2023

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lovestuckyhatemarvel · 7 months

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Season 3 finale! Episode 8!

1.) “We don’t know it’s your kids.” “Yes, we do.” We really do, Murray. They’re the only kids who do shit in this town.

2.) Jonathan could have been a track star.

3.) They really did not CGI that wound well. I forgot Jonathan reaches into the wound at all though. I just remember El using her powers to rip it out.

4.) And the gang’s all together again!

5.) I love Erica.

6.) I loved the group hug.

7.) STEVE’S HER DADDY NOW. Cute that you think you’d be the one being called Daddy, Steve. You’re a total bottom. Edit from the future: this isn’t me saying only tips are daddies or even only dons are daddies. I just don’t think Steve is a daddy because of vibes.

8.) “Oh honey, I’m gonna be fine.” It’s true. People will riot if Winona Ryder’s character dies, so I think she has plot armor.

9.) Oh, they finally remembered how Hopper actually talks to El.

10.) Here comes douchebag Billy.

11.) This elevator is definitely going slower with the adults in it.

12.) Andddd we’re back to bickering.

13.) Scoooooops Trooooop, do you copy?

14.) Move! That! Car! Oh well, didn’t work.

15.) Murray’s call sign being Bald Eagle is very funny.

16.) El dug through the trash to destroy a can of New Coke. They love to advertise Coke. I mean also they needed a way to say her powers are being on the fritz but they could have done that with the car.

17.) Mind Flayer dead above.

18.) That bitch big.

19.) “I think we make a pretty good team.” Never once did you act like a team, what the fuck are you talking about? And like, it pisses me off because they FUCKING DID WORK TOGETHER WELL IN SEASONS 1 AND 2 WITHOUT BICKERING THIS GODDAMN MUCH.

20.) I forgot these two idiots set up a date for Friday at 7 p.m. at Enzo’s.

21.) A;LDKSFJ;ADKSFLJ I FORGOT THAT THE FUCKING MIND FLAYER CREATURE ANSWERED THE WALKIE TALKIE. THAT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY.

22.) Fun Fact, I had to take a break during this episode because I think I discovered that flashing lights while watching tv in the dark is now a migraine trigger for me. Isn’t that fun? I took a pill and let my friends blow weed smoke in my face because I am whatever’s a step lower than a lightweight. I’m a baby weight? THat doesn’t make sense. I’m a lighter weight. I’m the lightest weight.

23.) The bald eagle has landed.

24.) Machine go off. Alarm go eeeeeeeeee. Monster go grrrrrrrr.

25.) Smiling and nodding works.

25.) 662608004 is not the code.

27.) Nancy WHeeler staring down a car with a gun in her hands, ice in her veins, and my total admiration for her. HELL YEAH STEVE TO THE RESCUE.

28.) Steve definitely has a concussion and both of them (him and Robin) have whiplash.

29.) Susie has a big ass house. Do we talk about how Susie has a big ass house? She’s also reading Wizard of Earthsea. I don’t actually believe the Duffer Brothers have read that book. I think they just put that in there because they know it’s a nerd book written by women.

30.) Susie is so goddamn cute.

31.) the Iconic Singing from Dustin

32.) I am shocked that Hopper doesn’t interrupt to be like WE NEED TO NOT DIE FROM RUSSIANS, PLEASE.

33.) I forgot that the monster is chasing the few people in the car before turning around.

34.) Hopper shooting the ceiling does cross language boundaries.

35.) Oh it’s Arnold from Wish. I hate that bitch.

36.) Do you think it was awkward filming a scene where you’re being carried over Dacre’s shoulder and if you open your eyes, you’re staring straight at his ass?

37.) “Don’t be afraid.” I don’t think that worked, Billy.

38.) Hell yeah fireworks. Yeah definitely don’t watch this show if you have a light sensitivity. BTW, I’m super mad that I have migraine triggers now. Like thanks Covid. Thanks for ruining big lighting things that I used to love.

39.) I think the Duffers rely too much on a plan never going the way it’s supposed to. Like they do it every single season and at this point it’s like, expected. It is straight up no longer a surprise. I’m now just constantly looking for how it’s going to fuck up.

40.) Mike and Max definitely have concussions.

41.) This is a sweet scene but I just realized she’s describing this scene like she’s trying to get a sketch artist to draw it at first. Like I get it, he got a shit fucking deal. I STILL DO NOT FORGIVE HIM FOR WANTING TO KILL LUCAS. No one made him do that! No one made him nearly kill Steve! Like yes he did a good thing at the end and I think MAYBE with some work people (probably not Lucas or Steve) could have learned to forgive him and maybe he could have earned forgiveness, but dying doesn’t actually earn that. Not even dying to protect El and Max.

42.) I do feel bad for Max though.

43.) Why doesn’t Hopper even try to move? Also I just realized they did that fade to black to hide him being taken away at the last minute because you don’t see him on the walkway before the explosion.

44.) I love how that mega powerful explosion that disintegrates Russians can’t touch glass though so Joyce is fine. I’m telling you, that woman has plot armor.

45.) Max is so sad. Honestly I am shocked she’s that sad, that fast. Not that it’s wrong for her to react that way, but IDK. I think I just want more representation of that first initial sock of like ‘I don’t know what I feel. This person sucked’.

46.) I forgot the fucking soldiers show up as soon as everything is already completed. Say what you will about the commies, but they were prompt all season.

47.) Owens showed up to have a disappointed dad face at a red crack int he wall.

48.) Will is getting so tall. I love him and Joyce reuniting. But also poor poor El. For a rare time they actually manage to convey information through acting and not words.

49.) THREE MONTHS LATER. I love that the deaths has Barb and Bob BUT NOT BENNY OR THE MORE THAN HALF DOZEN OTHER PEOPLE WHO FUCKING DIED IN SEASON 1. The show literally forgets who all died.

50.) Steve put his mom down as a reference because she’s ‘like super well-respected’.

51.) Steve isn’t an idiot, he’s just dyslexic and is bad at answering on the spot. But he definitely has seen all 3 Star Wars movies without being forced. It wasn’t actually nerdy to see Star Wars in the 1980s, guys. They were blockbuster hits that everyone and their mother watched.

52.) Byers are leaving Hawkins. Joyce has a terrible history with dating.

53.) I love Max and Lucas singing together.

54.) Okay Mike and Will are gay for each other.

55.) I didn’t expect Jonathan’s carpet to be that clean.

56.) Nancy Wheeler is the big spoon.

57.) “A wise man said, we’ve got shared trauma.” And I say Nancy’s a comphet lesbian

58.) El’s hair is so cute.

59.) everyone likes presents

60.) “Mike, I love you too.” Wait she says that and according to fanfiction he never says I love you back? What a dumbass. I guess I’ll find out though.

61.) Why are they acting like Hopper needed to be coached to write this letter? It’s super similar to what he said off the cuff to the radio in season 2.

62.) Millie Bobby Brown is very good at being pretty while crying.

Okay so season 3 is a mixed bag at breakneck pace. Hopper’s characterization is inconsistent as hell. I don’t care about Mike/El, tbh. I also think the Duffers don’t understand most media, let alone feminist literature enough to make a cogent point about anything. By this time the Russian angle was already super played out and being set in the 80s doesn’t make it better, honestly.

Anyway, it’s once again a mediocre season elevated by a good cast but I love Steve and Robin being friends. It has good moments and if they’d had a better script it could have been great. But that would require smart men. Smart men who don’t do a circle jerk because they remember 80s movie references.

#stranger things #stranger things rewatch #s3e8 #stranger things s3e8

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legendaryrooftopscene · 1 year

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on November 27, 2021, I started watching bad buddy out of idle curiosity, given a mutual's long meta post about the greatest first kiss in cinematic history. i watched all 5 available episodes and fell ass over teakettle for not only the show, but thai BL as well. it is now November 27, 2022. here's everything I've watched, ranked out of 10 (including BL from other countries and some non-BL as well). final count: 116. (92 finished. 18 started/in-progress but did not finish. 6 actively watching that are airing now). I kept copious notes about all the shows I watched so if you're curious why I ranked a certain show like I did, please feel free to send me an ask :) I love talking about my thoughts about things

10/10 (i had fun 100% of the time I was watching or it made my brain produce happy static to think about)

Kinnporsche

Manner of Death

Tale of 1000 Stars

Until We Meet Again

HIStory 3: Trapped

9/10 (great show, great characters, but there was 1 or 2 things I didn't like about the writing/acting/production)

Bad Buddy

Not Me

A Man Who Defied the World of BL

Lovely Writer

My Beautiful Man

A First Love Story

Semantic Error

Cherry Blossoms After Winter

The Sound of Magic

DNA Says Love You

Triage

Old Fashion Cupcake

Roommates of Poongduck 304

8/10 (same as above, with slightly more egregious errors)

He's Coming To Me

Cherry Magic

Keita Hatsukoi

Where Your Eyes Linger

Kei x Yaku

The Eclipse

You Make Me Dance

Long Time No See

Tinted with You

Please Tell Me So

You're My Sky

Love and Leashes

My Only 12%

TharnType Special Episode

HIStory: Obsessed

HIStory: Stay Away From Me

Secret Crush on You

Plus and Minus

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss

Love Stage (Thailand)

We're Both Grooms

Hey Rival! I Love You

Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai

On Cloud Nine

We Best Love

7/10 (flawed but I enjoyed it. a pulp that is a 7/10 has a much higher score than a high-budget/polished show that has a 7/10)

Cutie Pie

BeLoved In House: I Do

SOTUS

Color Rush

Nobleman Ryu's Wedding

Light On Me

Wish You

To My Star

7 Days

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

HIStory 2: Right or Wrong

Dear Doctor, I'm Coming for Soul

HIStory 4: Close To You

Because of You

You Are Ma Boy

Gameboys

Love from Outta Space

Blueming

Tonhon Chonlatee

Cupid's Last Wish

Close Friend 2

The Ring Goes Missing

About Youth

Mr. Heart

Zero Photography

Takara-Kun and Amagi-Kun

Love in the Air

6/10 (seriously flawed and/or disappointing. usually in the 'I can fix it' range)

Star in your Mind

Theory of Love

Golden Blood

Why R U?

My Secret Love

My Tee

Mood Indigo

Senpai This Can't Be Love

Want to See You

5/10 (everything here I got through on 1.5x-2.0x speed)

Together with Me

Close Friend

Kissable Lips

Puppy Honey

Puppy Honey 2

Love's Coming

Meow Ears Up

The Promise

En of Love: Love Mechanics

Zero Supporter

4/10 (I finished it so i must have liked something about it)

Love By Chance

3/10 (hatewatch)

The Pornographer

TharnType

DFN (did not finish for various reasons. sometimes shows I enjoyed greatly are on this list. some I am still watching at my own pace)

3 Will Be Free

7 Project

Ingredients

Love is Science?

Enchante

War of Y

Ghost Host Ghost House

Lovesick

Big Dragon

Second Chance

The Gifted

Miracle of the Teddy Bear

I'm Tee, Me Too

Even Sun

Extraordinary Attorney Woo

Love Between Fairy and Devil

Coffee Melody

Ocean Likes Me

Still airing

GAP

Choco Milkshake

Between Us

I Will Knock You

Remember Me

My Tooth Your Love

#59/116 are thai! I counted bc i was curious #original #not tagging all these shows that would be insanity

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reynie-muldoons · 2 years

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'A Bit of Light Chop' Liveblog!!!

HI BABES

Finally, FINALLY, I can watch episode 2. I'm so damn excited. I had a sammie, a snack, and some tea, so let's get at it.

Spoilers under the cut :))

0:30 god I love the recaps

0:39 first of all the shortcut is beautiful. Second of all this music opened so intense

0:58 "what percentage of tonage" LMAO GIRL HUH

1:05 "boat jail. Let's avoid." Solid plan bbg 😂

1:16 KATE'S FACE AGDJDJJDJD she sees pirates in a whole new light now

1:41 CAPTAIN NOLANDDDDD

1:48 okay teddy roosevelt

2:08 "elegance doesnt float either" damn all of their comedic timing and on-screen chemistry has gotten super fucking smooth

2:14 the EYEBROWS

2:35 omfg he's still going. Icon behavior

2:39 "I've always wanted to live through a mutiny." Well if you count overthrowing a whole ass school, you have lived through a mutiny 😂

2:48 CANNONBAAAAAALLLL

3:13 the first thing she thinks of for a cover story is child ghosts. how very Constance of her

3:23 ooooh water polo strikes again

4:08 nooooo they're on the ship toooo

4:22 d'awwww they're beyond formality

4:25 "I strongly request formality" this dude. THIS DUDE

4:31 damn, he counted everyone??? What's it like to be able to rely on your brain, can't relate

4:40 something about "cardinal maritime sin" really hit my funny bone

4:49 daaaamn they have a lot of trust in each other

5:07 "I need to see them walking the plank!" "Captain, that is no longer legal." LMAO THIS EXCHANGE

5:25 the opening my beloved

5:38 LMAO DOG MAN IS IN MILLIGAN'S SCREENCARD

6:31 my guy maybe you should sit down, you're not looking too good

6:38 I'm glad he sat down but damn does he look defeated 🥺

6:57 that analogy was stupid and embarrassing and he should feel stupid and embarrassed

7:05 "you're delusional and your demonstration is meaningless" THATS WHAT I SAID

7:10 "I rather liked it" I hate that that made me laugh

7:15 "well what does the blueberry represent 🧐" number two my love my baby girl, you're fucking hilarious

7:19 that was the sweetest thing ever wtf 🥺🥺 the way she immediately goes over to him and tries to help him ground himself

7:30 damn right she's no mere associate

7:46 "a word like that just fuels the cycle of anger" okay than what the fuck else is it, you plucked them out of the street and drove them to the middle of nowhere

7:58 "think of it as an opportunity" if I can think about it as an opportunity for number two to sock you in the face then I'll deal with it

8:03 "I dont want. your. tea." the PURE VENOM in her voice

8:09 THERE THEY AREEEEE

8:13 I'm kind of surprised they even have rooms, part of me thought they would just be left at the table

8:30 "I want you to get out of here" BRB CRYING SHE'S ALREADY TRYING TO PROTECT HIM

8:45 ohoooooh is it time for Constance's powers??

9:01 valid 😂

9:27 oh noooo poor Reynie

9:32 "you can choose when to connect" okay so why did you not choose to connect with Reynie all summer. Unresolved tension

9:34 GORGEOUS SHOT.

9:47 oh shit Constance backstory???

9:51 ......really? Polar bears and clowns?

10:05 for a second I thought she was throwing shade at Milligan but then I realized last year was the Institute LOL

10:31 "where are your parents?" Loaded question, guy

11:00 they both look so good stop

11:16 ooooh are they taking a fancy train??

11:25 "it's not you. Its him." LMAOOO

11:28 LLAMAAAAA. I'm overjoyed.

11:32 IMMEDIATELY RUINED BY THE CULTINESS DAMMIT

11:49 "every exit is an entrance if you think about it" whoooa they're drinking the koolaid

11:53 LMAO they just had a whole damn moment

12:05 this child looks so forlorn wtf

12:20 "they're giving color to their emotions" honey I dont know how to tell you this but every canvas is entirely yellow

12:26 ARE THEY SIBLINGS OR DATING I NEED ANSWERS

12:46 have I mentioned I love Number Two

13:05 uncanny valley vibes looking at his face

13:46 "or wait for an opportunity to present itself." "Are you talking about the bathroom?" NUMBER TWO CONTINUES TO BE THE BEST 😂😂😂

14:06 "I've seen enough" WOW. If even *he's* seen enough, you know it's bad. He's a stubborn as they come

14:20. Again, absolutely gorgeous shot

14:43 agent of chaos strikes again

15:01 "I'll look in the fruit basket" she said, intending to eat the fruit

15:04 CALLED IT LOL

15:10 Kate popping up from behind 😂😂 also how the hell did she notice that?

15:43 I know I said this last episode but I still love the shoes

15:58 awkwaaaard

16:18 uhuh, I bet you're real tired. Bet you'll need the bed for that

16:50 HAH THE SUGAR WAS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT

17:13 this poor man has seen some shit

17:55 whatever "situation alpha" means

18:12 yes please continue having this conversation at full volume in public

18:43 what on earth

19:14 i think my eyes just rolled into the back of my skull 😂

19:28 awwwww he's jelly and Constance knoooows

19:38 "you... process" even SHE knows Reynie's upset

20:07 I dont know what's happening but I like it a lot 😂

20:41 number two, poster child for beetroot powder (allegedly)

21:11 jumpscare

21:43 something something back of neck

22:23 oh NOOOOO he sees them without their "parents"

22:42 CONSTANCE HAHAHA

23:17 the bastards did it

23:20 why dont you just.. leave their suite 😂

24:36 babe maybe you shouldn't glue them to the ceiling??? Just use tape?????

24:48 OH THEYRE IN A BLIMP

24:55 is Miss Perumal giving him parenting advice?? 🥺 ohhh my heart

25:11 Milligan you're such a sweetheart omfg

25:16 Rhonda is passed tf out 😂 good for her, she must be exhausted from all the stress

25:21 LOL THE SEATBELT

25:49 damn, they've been walking a while, it's already dark. How big is this place??

25:58 I love her so much hahahaha

26:10 Number Two is canonically fueled by rage and hanger. Relatable.

26:15 SHIT I knew this was coming but still startling

26:23 is this bitch really signing copies

26:25 damnit he is

26:29 SQ!!! BABY BOY

26:29 the hell is a walkabout????

26:37 IRATE MAN IS IRATE

26:54 "we're protecting the vibe." I HATE THAT HE MADE ME LAUGH

27:08 "Nicholas, I've moved on." No you haven't, that much is obvious. And fuck you

27:24 Curtain, the vibes are rancid. Maybe you need to walk into the fence

27:35 Ohhh shit is he trying the thing on him oh shit oh shit

27:44 wtf is happening

27:57 daaamn what??

28:22 "who's actually going to benefit from all that except you??" EXACTLY. EXAAAACTLY

28:31 everyone seems to think he's jealous. Like, everyone. I really dont think he is, I think he just wants to reach his brother, really and truly, and have an actual heart to heart with him

29:08 it's the jumpscare man again

29:15 and there's the creepy again. This is really fucking weird

29:21 noooo I dont like this

29:24 they're so cute

29:51 what the fuck 😂😂😂

30:04 as if those kids dont have enough to worry about, now they have a ship crew on their tail

30:06 is he a caricaturist??? That's pretty good 😂

30:13 they really dialed up the creepy this season. Is that the polo team?

30:24 ayyy that's the reason Apollo is on Reynie's screencard in the op!!!

30:38 ayyyyy it *is* the water polo team

31:03 Reynie baby 🥺🥺🥺

31:08 "no one's gonna make fun of you." *Everyone stares pointedly at Constance.*

31:23 I really hope that they just busted down the door for the newlyweds LMAO

and that was that!! So far I'm very impressed with this season. I can't wait for the angst, and I cannot wait for the community involvement. This season will bring a juicy amount of fanfiction.

What did you guys think of this episode??

Edit from future Charity: DAMN IT I just realized there was no "roll credits" moment in this one either :(( sadge

#mbs liveblog #mbs disney+ s2 #a bit of light chop #the mysterious benedict society #charity's talkies

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carronpatrick · 17 days

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I had 4 hours of sleep in the past 3 days... And now that Trooper is gone, I just. I'm so scared to even try to sleep.

I haven't slept alone since I was like, 12. Which, I haven't slept since Trooper died 14 hours ago despite being so utterly destroyed I can barely keep my mind working... But either a dog or boyfriend or friend sleepovers or on my parent's floor... I don't know how to sleep alone without night terrors and fitful dozing of 15 minutes here, 10 there.

And I don't even give a flying fuck if whoever reads this thinks I'm being dramatic. I'm not. I had this puppy since he was 7 weeks old, being sold as a 'defect' because he had a curly-q tail, and we were together through an extremely abusive relationship, a car accident, someone stalking and threatening to kill me, my shitty ass family and exfriends dramas, the death of my dad and Jake and our 2 eldest dogs, 5 different diseases between us two, my mom's brain surgery, and every time my depression got almost unbearable where I literally begged God to let me die... I kept going purely because he needed me.

He slept in my arms from night one. There were 3 nights in his 9 year life where I wasn't home and that was to take care of my mother in Nashville and my dad watched him and sent me hourly pupdates. I didn't sleep until I almost passed out whole driving us home and even then I was in my mom's room.

I feel absolutely empty and hollowed and dead. Just still have the horrific pain which is how I know I'm still alive. I manage to stop sobbing and having a panic attack where I can't breathe and then I just... Look around and I see him everywhere. His water bowl by the bed, his babies on it, his hair clippers in the bathroom, his medicine downstairs, his numerous beds and toys and his treats and his little hoodie and his damn fur from when I trimmed him literally right before his became comatose on our bed... I have his collar on me constantly, which I bought before I even knew he was the best boy for me...

I am just so utterly alone. Everyone I love leaves or dies or lives hundreds of miles away and I genuinely don't know what I did in a past life to either piss off the universe or for God to think I can just handle all of these struggles... But I'm so sorry for whatever I did, I am. I need just.... One bit of good, of sunshine in this fucking hurricane.

I had to set up 2 night lights just so I can try to maybe sleep if I can finally pass out from deprivation and exhaustion from crying almost the entire past 14 hours. My skin is raw, my eyes are swollen and red, my nose and sinuses are stopped up to where I popped my left ear when swallowing mid-episode, I got maybe 6 bites of food in because I am so so sick to my stomach, I have a fever and chills, I have marks where I dug nails into my arms and legs and a bruise on my forehead and chest where I pounded repeatedly in a feeble attempt to stay sane and alive and grounded and I still can't fucking sleep.

I lay on my left and I expect to see him there, whining to go under the covers and cuddle with me... Lay on my right and expect to feel him curl into my back and scooch me to the side more and more... Lay on my back and expect to feel him at my head, curled around it like he did since he was a baby.

I doubt anyone is still reading and I'm just fucking sobbing writing it but. It's 330a and it's not like I can fucking sleep. I want my baby, I want my daddy, I want my honey... I want to dissociate or just snap and not feel a fucking thing thing until I can successfully shove all of this pain and sadness and misery into my compartmentalizing brain boxes and not take bits out until I can handle them.

Hopefully my medicines kick my ass and I just.... Sleep with zero dreams or terrors for the next day or week or, idk. I can't even talk about what exactly happened to him because it was too similar to my dad's death and I genuinely am traumatized because I was just finally easing my ptsd from dad and now have it from my baby boy, my son, my soul... I probably am making zero sense.

Hug your loved ones, anyone actually reading this... Hug them and tell them you love them every chance you get. Say it over and over - it doesn't cheapen it. Not if you mean it. Whether your loved one is a fur baby or a human, related or a friend or whatever... fucking love them and let them know it every second you can because anyone can get taken from you in a moment. And you'll be left cursing every millisecond of wasted time.

#I love you forever my sweet boy #You were the best boy anyone could ever have #I am so sorry if I wasn't good enough of a mommy I am so sorry I couldn't keep you safe and healthy #I miss you so fucking much

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ambiguousdisorderken · 3 years

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in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel. Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” // Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23 – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references.

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is).

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

#Anonymous #thanks for coming to my ted talk #im posting this at 2:30 am so i'll most likely reblog it at a more reasonable hour ..in case anon is closer to my time zone #why am i even saying this..im sleepy #destiel #answered #destiel episode guide #there might be number/name mistakes because again sleepish.forgive me #long post

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absolutebl · 4 months

Text

This Week in BL - 2 GREAT Shows but everything else is kinda blah

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. Happy new year, BLabies!

Jan 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 9 of 12 - This show is really earning its chops, and these actors are executing beautifully. I think this is a great BL, and it reminds me quite a bit of ATOTS, only the physical comfort between the actors is more genuine and easy to watch. Unfortunately a guitar came out. Nice communication tho.

That was a very lovely romantic sex scene. Very prettily done. Classy boys, very classy.

Gah what a beautiful final scene with Day saying the last thing he wants to see is Mhork. Pure unadulterated romance of the highest order.

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - If killer, why hot? Poor Tarn compelled to try to rescue everyone else from their fate, because he cannot save himself from his.

Meanwhile Phaya is finally learning that you catch more water snakes with honey lube than vinegar.

Stellar confession from Phaya brutally honest and very fated mates.

And another lovely sex scene, so I guess that was a vision and not a fantasy Tharn had.

Lets be clear those two shows were GREAT everything else this week was kinda blah.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I find the backstory very odd. Are they twins? What happened to Blue? Am I meant to care? Do I care?

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 10 of 12 - I mostly just feel sorry for First. He’s so rightfully confused. Zee/Sprite keeps blowing hot and cold because they two different people! The after sex cuddle was cute.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 14 - Love getting more JeffAlan. Also I switch favorite character allegiances in the trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 6 of 12 - Didn’t air this week and I hardly noticed.

You and My Stars YT 1 of 2(?) - school kids, love triangle, it’s cute enough.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) 1626 ep 20 of 24 - Just so boring. 3/10

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - I’m not into the love triangle. Although I kind of like the new suitor, he’s honest and a good communicator. I appreciate these things in a BL boy. But I begin to wonder if triangles should be left for KBL. Also, this should have been an 8 epper, 10 is too long.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - No ep until Jan 12

I Became the Main Role of a BL (Japan Sun Gaga) ep 1-3 - AKA BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen - A rising star is paired with an (older) former child actor (doesn’t think he’s good enough) in a BL series. It’s fun, built on a dynamic of off screen paralleling the on screen, so near constantly meta. All the tropes are there but are as a result of the filming process. The star turns out to be obsessed with the former actor and very dorky about it. In fact, everyone in this show is a little gremlin weirdo (affectionate). There’s tons of scenery chewing miscommunication drama, slapstick, voice over head hopping, and eccentric sides characters. “And he comes with feathers” applies to a number of my friends. You know I don’t like stories around fan obsession, but otherwise this was enjoyable. 8/10

A nice start to the JBL year. Keep em coming, Japan.

It's done I Need to Catch up

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have a spare day.

It's Airing But...

[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Night Dream (Sat YT) 6 eps - It’s a pain to track down and I really didn’t like the first episode so… DNF

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year end round ups (so far) are as follows:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

Best Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

BL 2023 - Cute Bits of Domesticity

BL 2023 - Boys Feeding Boys

BL 2023 - BOOP!

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

Next Week Looks Like This

Starting This Week:

1/9 Time the series (Thai Gaga, WeTV, Channel 3) 10 eps - MFlow Entertainment brings us yet another "fix the past" narrative. After witnessing the gunning down of his beloved, a heartbroken actor uses a magic pocket watch to go back in time and discover the truth and maybe fix it.

1/11 Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) - Soga, who, after a divorce and relocation to Osaka, seeks solace in dining at 26-year-old Sakae's restaurant. Unbeknownst to Soga, Sakae sees him as more than just a regular customer.

More Coming Jan 2024

Beside You (Thai YouTube)

Love For Love's Sake (Korea ????)- based on the Manhwa ‘Love Supremacy Zone’ by Hwacha. A young man is dropped into a game based off a novel he loves. His mission is to make another player, YeoWoon happy. But then the game starts unfolding completely different from the novel.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan ????) - five years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so... probubly not. I won't be watching this.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Yes, you SHOULD apologize!

This was a FANTASTIC moment! Last Twilight

Night Dream referencing the Shrimp Trope.

Some didn't like this bit BUT I love a claiming moment, even in a briefing room... especially there.

I ALSO love a good Grandma Moment in a BL.

Such a good sex scene. The Sign

(Last week)

#two great sex scenes this week!#both from thailand #thai bl #Last Twilight #The Sign #this week in bl #bl updates #the sign the series #for him the series #Twins the series #I Became the Main Role of a BL #Japanese BL #BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen #BL series review #taiwanese bl #PitBabe #Night Dream

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mysterylover123 · 3 years

Text

Mysterylover watches Bleach episodes 271-272: “So That’s Why People Ship Ulquihime”

1. 271′s title: “Ichigo dies”. Checks episode count. “Um, yeah. Sure.” Anyway Ulqui is all like “Look Hime I’m totally gonna kill Ichigo I’m serious, I’m totally gonna kill the main character less than 300 episodes in.

2. He does do a good job of making it look that way though, as he blows a freaking hole straight through Ichi’s chest. He sure likes to blow holes in chests.

3. Gee if only Ichigo had a love interest who could TURN BACK TIME WITH HER WILL. She immediately proceeds to save him with her awesome shield powers, though Ulqui stops her

4. Thankfully Ichi’s other love interest is there to distract him while Hime does her thing. Noice job Uryuu, you’re killing it this arc.

5. I’m pretty sure Ichi really is dead right now (since after all we have a Time Reversal Heroine, so Only Mostly Dead is all good.)

6. DAMN ULQUI GETS UP CLOSE TO URYU AND MAYBE TAKES HIS ARM OFF. Anyway poor freaking Hime has to look at Ichi’s corpse and since she doesn’t know he’s the Main Character of a Shonen anime, she thinks he’s really gone.

7. Meanwhile the Battle of the Bishonens continues to rage. You know, this whole arc reminds me of the Overhaul arc from MHA a bunch (or obviously since Bleach came first that means MHA was cribbing from Bleach, duh). Hime is Eri, Ulqui is Overhaul, Ichi as Deku, etc.

8. Anyway waiting for our poor truamatized heroine to pull that Backpack Healer 100% mode sometime soon.

9. Apparently Ichi can hear Hime while dead and with a freaking hole in his chest. That’s some shippy stuff there. Anyway Ichi’s all awakened and shit and it looks pretty badass. THIS WASN’T EVEN HIS FINAL FORM. Also now he and Hime have matching hair!

10. Battle of the sexy demons now ensues with Skullface Ichi battling BatWings Ulqui in imagery ripped from Night on Bald Mountain.

11. Ichigo’s bisexual harem follow the fight, sadly with only commentary and no cheerleader outfits.

12. Ichi actually beats Ulqui and prepares to kill him. I wonder if he’s gonna stop himself, or if Hime’s gonna intervene?

13. WTF we’re cutting back to Rukia?! OK Ruki I give you half the episode tops I need to get back to learn my Smexy Villain Crush’s fate.

14. Well at least we get some RenRuki fllrting out of it. I’m always good for that.

15. OH BUT LOOK the IchiUlqui fight is intruding on the RukiRen stuff. Anyway Hime protected herself and Uryuu thank god. So we get Ichi blowing a hole in Ulquis chest. Tit for tat lol.

16. OOH URYUU STOPS HIM!! Option #3! URYU GETS TO DO THE WHOLE “IF YOU KILL HIM I’LL LOSE YOU” THING TO ICHI. Cause he’s Ichi’s love interest, duh.

17. OH SHIT ICHI’S SO FAR GONE HE SMACKED ISHIDA. But Hime’s voice actually gets his attention, good. Yas Ichi obey Hime’s voice she is your commander.

18. OH SHIT HIME BLAMES HERSELF NO HONEY DON’T!!! Are you a Shonen hero if you’re not blaming yourself for other people hlping you.

19. Anyway Ulqui’s fine and he cuts Ichi’s cool new horn mask thing. And DAYUM Ichi the long hair is GOOD on you, Actually pretty.

20. HOLY SHIT what is that look on Ulquiorra’s face!? Regret? Remorse? What? Anyway some hole in the sky heals Ichigo out of nowhere. Well good at least he’s not “dead”.

21. We get a brief Touching Reunion between Ichi and Hime before he notices Ulqui’s hurt and has a Shonen Love Interest Hurt Freak out about it. Anyway Ulqui has decided to start talking again. And now he and Ichi are both shirtless.

22. Ichigo is feeling bad that he stabbed enemies and friends alike. And ASKS ULQUIORRA TO CUT OFF HIS ARM AND LEG. WTF ICHIGO? That may be the single stupidest most reckless thing I’ve EVER heard a Shonen lead say and THAT IS QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.

23. HIME URYU YOU TWO BETTER SMACK SOME SENSE INTO THIS IDIOT. Anyway They get interrupted by something and Ulqui says “kill me”. OMG damn Ulqui that’s DARK.

24. Ichi refuses. Damn WTF is up with you Ichigo. Even Ulqui looks weirded out by this. Damn is he really dying?

25. He looks over at hime and says “I was getting interested in you people”. LOL have you fallen for Hime now too Ulqui? It’s ok, get in line.

26. We get an angsty series of Ulquihime flashbacks as he’s dying. Lots of which involve touching her chest.

27. He reaches out to her and asks “are you afraid of me”. Hime of course ain’t afraid of nothing. He gets to die looking into Hime’s eyes? Damn what a way to go out dude! And she grabs for his hand before it dissolves too. HOLY CRAP those are some serious shipping vibes these two are giving off all of a sudden. Right on the guy’s deathbed too. Timing dude!

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courtney-deserved-better · 3 years

Note

whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

#slippery slopes #ask #anon #total drama #writing #fic #my fic

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wecantseeyou · 3 years

Text

a word on color - how line of duty series 6 uses wardrobe color to frame narrative (pt 4)

Author’s note: this is the conclusion to my essay on wardrobe color and how it’s used to inform narrative in series 6 of line of duty. Previous parts can be found here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. This part covers episodes 5, 6, and 7. Heads up, my analysis of episode 7 is actually quite short because of my focus on Jo, but I have many, MANY thoughts on Kate’s second to last scene and the general wardrobe choices for Kate in this episode.

Thank you to everyone who has been willing to entertain my ramblings here. While I have a background in theatrical production, this kind of meta analysis was quite new for me. I was relieved to see (most) of this theory actualized in the finale. Now, this part is nearly 8k words, all four parts together clocked in at over 20k words and nearly 40 pages, single-spaced, so I’ve officially written a third dissertation (after the other two took me 10 months…).

Regular warnings apply: I’m American and therefore may be missing certain cultural context. Spoilers abound, but I stick to Jo’s storyline for the most part, and don’t include my thoughts about the finale writ large (I may write an analysis of the series 6 storytelling separate from this, if there’s interest).

Read on below the cut.

EPISODE 5

Episode 5 opens with Lomax briefing Jo and Kate about connections between the armed robbery and Gail Vella's murder, showing them results for an industrial estate that matches the description given by one of the robbers. Jo is wearing the same outfit she ended episode 4 in, the orangish brown sweater and navy suit, while Kate is wearing a grey jacket over a white shirt, buttoned all the way up. A side note - this grey jacket does not fit in with the rest of the wardrobe Kate has been in all series, and from a meta perspective, this is because they have to conceal the firearm Kate is now carrying. Ryan watches from the other room, again in a call back to the way Jo was watching Kate in episode 3. Kate tries to talk to Jo, but she's quickly brushed off, much to Kate's chagrin.

Jo’s outfit, which we’ve seen her in numerous times, again demonstrates her pull between what’s right and pressure from the OCG. After all, Ryan has just threatened her twice. She knows that the investigation is heading in the right direction, which she both wants and is afraid of, and she is panicking. At the same time, she’s wary of letting Kate get too close lest she suspect something and acts on it, putting them both in danger.

Kate’s outfit actually shows some of that forced distance Jo is causing. We’ve seen her wear a white shirt buttoned all the way to the top once before - when she spoiled the raid of MIT by AC-12. That outfit showed her pull between Jo and AC-12, and we’re seeing that here again. This time though, the grey jacket shows that she’s leaning AC-12.

We see this in the next scene where Steve, in his grey suit with a white shirt and red tie, is directly paralleling his former partner’s wardrobe. Kate visits AC-12, and it's been revealed that she has permission to carry a concealed firearm because of the threat Ryan Pilkington poses. Now, call me crazy, but I believe we’re meant to understand he’s a threat to her at least in part because of her relationship to Jo, but I’m uncertain. When Ted asks for an update, Kate notes that Jo has become "cold and distant" toward her, and the team reveals Jo has been put under surveillance, which Kate isn't happy about. It's then revealed that Jo is related to Tommy Hunter (from series 1 and 2) through incest, which is of course horrifying, though we don’t know the full story of it quite yet.

Back at her apartment, Jo checks the laptop to find out the OCG won't let her go because of AC-12's continued investigation, which she promises to take care of. She’s surrounded by her blue flat, in her navy and orange outfit, her actions and heart still at conflict with one another. She’s distraught, and stuck.

Later, Kate and Steve meet in an underground car park in their matching navy coats. Steve shares that Lakewell gave him information off the record, which is that Gail Vella had been looking into the death of Lawrence Christopher at the time of her death. He also tells Kate about his discovery that Hastings gave Steph Corbett the missing $50k of supposed bribe money (from series 5). The former partners match here because they are coming closer to being full partners again, working in tandem and trusting one another with information. They have been at odds this series, particularly when it comes to Jo, but they have remained on the same page in their disappointment in the gaffer and belief in finding justice for Gail Vella.

Back at MIT, Kate is looking into the industrial parks that may hold an OCG workshop. As she researches, she repeatedly looks over at Jo in her office and seems to have an idea. She then steps out of the office and calls Steve, though we don’t see the details of their conversation. Kate returns to the office and goes into Jo's office, telling her that they may have found the OCG workshop. She asks to brief the team immediately to avoid leaks, which Jo allows while glancing out at the bullpen. We can see once Kate leaves that she was looking at Ryan, who is watching her closely.

We don't know it yet, but Kate has found a way to test Jo’s loyalty and her belief that Jo isn’t bent. She tells the team about 1 location, makes them hand up their phones (which pisses them all off), and Jo makes them all stay within the MIT offices just as Ryan is about to step out. As the briefing ends, Kate goes to Jo’s office once more and demands to speak with her, despite Jo’s rude and annoyed response.

It’s later revealed that Kate then tells Jo there are 3 total locations to be looked at, but they’re starting with just one. Meanwhile, AC-12 surveillance teams are stationed at all three locations to see if people are tipped off and by who.

In these scenes, Kate is wearing a navy suit with a light blue shirt buttoned to the top, while Jo is wearing a grey suit with a grey turtleneck. For both women, the high necklines that fully encircle their throats indicates their discomfort and their desire to have a wall up for their own protection. We see Kate in all blue as she’s on a crusade to prove the truth - Jo isn’t bent, and this will reveal who is (as she suspects Ryan). Jo, meanwhile, is uncertain, and her monochrome grey outfit reflects that. Normally, this is the type of thing she would be expected to tip off to the OCG (as she did with Carl Banks), but Kate has cleverly made it so she can’t. She’s trying to push Kate away, but Kate keeps pushing herself right back in. She’s meant to be wary of Ryan, but she stopped him from an opportunity to send out a warning - and that’s before she knew there were three potential locations. All Jo knows is that she wants out from this lie and constant threat she’s lived under. She’s in all grey, not true blue but certainly not a warm tone, because she hasn’t decided what her next step is yet. Temporarily neutral.

The initial raid is not a success, so Jo informs the team that they'll move on to the other locations instead, revealing that she and Kate did not give them all of the information. Lomax is pissed off, and directs that anger at Kate. From his perspective, the boss just told them she doesn’t trust him or the team and treated them all like a potential rat, and he chalks that up to the former AC-12 officer’s involvement. In an interesting parallel, Jo and Kate are wearing the same outfits under their body armor that we saw them in during the raid in the first episode - Jo in her black jacket and Kate in her green jacket.

During this raid, Ryan snuck out to call in the danger to the OCG from a burner phone, an act which was recorded by Chloe “the only real detective” Bishop. Steve, at the real OCG workshop, rushes in with his team which results in the deaths of two suspects. Jo and the MIT team arrive on the scene not long after, and Jo and Steve come to disagreement over jurisdiction, and she ultimately forces him to stand down using her rank (which we’ll see her flex once more later in the episode). I have to say, I have loved watching Jo and Steve come to blows in this series in part because Jo is so much better at it than he is. Steve truly has been Jo’s foil, contradicting her at every point. We see this even in their clothes in this scene. While Jo is wearing a grey turtleneck (typically in the AC-12 color palette), it is hidden under her black jacket, and Steve is wearing a blue shirt under his body armor. On the visual face, they appear to be working at opposite ends to one another, and in this moment they are.

Back at AC-12, Kate debriefs the team on what happened and let's them in on the honey trap* (*not really) Kate set for Jo, which she didn't fall for (but Pilkington did). The team is taken aback, and Hastings points out how risky a move that was. "As far as I'm concerned, that's proof she's not bent," Kate replies, stubborn to the end. Steve has a different interpretation - Jo assigned herself to the raid on the location with the workshop, and took control of the crime scene from him. "That doesn't fit with what I've witnessed firsthand. I needed to know one way or another." Kate will not back down from her staunch belief that Jo is not bent, an unfortunate foreshadow to Jo’s eventual betrayal. Hastings sides with Steve, but Kate clearly still disagrees. However, Steve does believe Ryan should be removed from MIT, even as Hastings wants to keep him there. This raises their suspicions because Kate had originally talked the gaffer out of bringing Ryan in, but the reality of the matter is that Ted feels he’s on a ticking clock with his forced retirement, and wants to handle this fourth man situation before he goes.

Kate and Steve are again in coordinated outfits here, dressed head to toe in blue. We’ve seen this before, the former partners in clothes that parallel one another while seemingly at odds. Sadly, this is because they’re again both right about Jo. She is using her position (and even Kate’s trust) to manipulate the investigation, but that manipulation stems from fear for her own safety as she herself is being manipulated and doesn’t want to do what she’s done. She’s like a cat stuck in a box - bent and not bent.

On the Hill, Kate gives the team the low down on the OCG warehouse and their next steps. Jo congratulates the team and tells them to get to work collecting forensic evidence while Pilkington sends laser eyes her way. This time it’s Kate wearing a turtleneck, this one in black under an olive suit jacket, while Jo wears a grey suit with a grey-green sweater and a blue shirt buttoned all the way to the top. Again, the high necks of these outfits demonstrate the discomfort and reservedness both women are feeling, but we also see a subtle connection with the green tints of their clothes. As usual, green represents the pull between two different compelling interests. For Kate, the pull between Jo and AC-12, for Jo the pull between Kate and the OCG.

Wearing these same outfits, Jo catches up with Kate outside of Hillside, where she confronts her about AC-12's knowledge of the raids. Kate tells her she tipped them off because they're making a lawful inquiry. "Look, I'm telling you the truth Jo, because I trust you with it." Jo takes advantage of Kate sharing the information with AC-12 and tells Kate to put in a transfer request, saying, "I wouldn't want to harm your career, Kate. It's best if you request a transfer." Kate is taken aback and asks "You've been distant with me for days. Is this personal?" Jo denies this, pulling rank the same way she did with Steve, "I'm your senior officer, I should be distant." Kate seems confused and concerned with her response of "But I thought we were friends. What's happening here?" And here we see Jo’s fear crack through her irritation, just for a moment, when she says, "So you can tell AC-12?" As much as Jo is pushing Kate away in order to get her out of the picture, she also has a real fear that Kate continuing to share information with Steve will get Jo killed. She’s playing up Kate’s betrayal to explain her anger, but she’s also hurt and she wants her to know that. Jo trusts Kate, even if she doesn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth on her own. Up until this point, Kate has worked with her and told her about AC-12’s work, even helping her get a leg up on Steve. Now Kate’s helping AC-12 get a leg up on her.

But Kate is nothing if not determined. "No, I wouldn't tell them personal stuff." Kate refuses to take the transfer, and Jo leaves in frustration and anxiety, leaving Kate confused yet again.

Back at Jo's flat, she's on the OCG laptop again. She tells the user she can handle AC-12, but they claim she can't because of Fleming. Jo tries to ask for more time to sort it, but time's up. "Get rid of her." Get rid of Kate, the last person Jo trusts, the one who just broke her trust.

And here is Jo’s betrayal. "As long as it's my last job." She looks devastated after she sends it, and she is. What she’s about to do is unforgivable. But scared and vulnerable people often do unforgivable things to save themselves. Jo just wants to be free, and she’s willing to pay a price for freedom.

Steve, in his iconic grey suit and navy tie, goes to visit Ian Banks in prison and learns that Ted is the one that disclosed John Corbett's identity that later got him killed. He later calls Kate to tell her the news. Matching Steve, Kate is in a navy shirt, but is wearing a black suit, only the second time we’ve seen her in this suit. The first was in episode 2, when she gave Jo the information about AC-12 and they later had dinner together.

Kate heads back into Hillside after her conversation with Steve and runs into Jo in the hallway, who asks to meet with her outside of work to discuss their 'personal issues'. Jo specifically looks at officers further down the hall to confirm they're leaving before speaking to Kate. She also lowers her voice at her own mention of personal issues, adding an extra layer of privacy to an already empty hall.

Checking to make sure there alone is something that Jo and Kate have done frequently throughout this series. In the handhold scene, they break apart when officers step into the hall. They mention how it’s easier to talk outside of work during both of their dinner scenes. When Kate tells Jo about Ryan’s spying, she dismisses Chris first, and later in that conversation when Jo puts her hand on Kate’s arm, they pull apart when they hear officers approaching.

Kate is surprised at Jo’s sudden change in behaviour from the past few days, but she agrees to meet with Jo after work. As Jo walks away, Kate clearly knows that something is up with her, but seems willing to find out what it is when they speak.

What Kate is sadly unaware of is that Jo walks away to lock herself in the bathroom and have a breakdown, distraught at the machination she has set in motion against Kate. Her hand shakes as she locks the stall, she falls to the ground, she looks around desperately for salvation. Jo’s mask, one that she maintains so strictly, falls for just a moment (not dissimilar to her breakdown in her car after framing Farida). Thirty seconds in a toilet stall to breakdown, to think about the consequences of her actions, about what she’s done to Kate. But she takes a few deep breaths, wipes away her tears, and we watch as her mask slips back into place.

Back at AC-12, Chloe “my back is worse than Steve’s from carrying this investigation” Bishop has uncovered more about the racist gang that attacked Lawrence Christopher, including the investigators, Buckells and the current Chief Constable. This was the story Gail Vella was looking into when she was murdered, and appears to be the reason for her death. Steve is wearing the same grey suit and navy tie as when he spoke with Kate, and while he’s grateful for Chloe for digging everything up, he’s also concerned that the young Black woman had to learn so many details about the lynching of a young Black man. [Note: to be incredibly clear, the death of Lawrence Christopher as described by the script was a lynching, and the narrative did not do enough to reckon with that fact for anything more than relevance to the global racial justice uprisings reborn in late May of 2020. More than willing to discuss this further if anyone cares for my thoughts.] As they discuss the case, Patty Carmichael walks in with gusto (and damn if that voice isn't an incredible acting choice). She’s taking over AC-12, and she’s cancelling the surveillance on Jo and Ryan.

That night, Kate arrives at Frederico's to meet Jo, who calls her the moment she’s locked her car to ask to meet somewhere less public, for claims of privacy. Kate is immediately on alert, especially after her attempts to convince Jo to stick with the original plan. But after a small plea from Jo, she acquiesces, but not without caution. Kate immediately knows something is off - this is not how Jo interacts with her. Little do we know, Pilkington is skulking in Jo's backseat, coaching her actions.

As an aside, this is also the only time we see them meeting out of work while they're both wearing casual clothes, not just the clothes they wore to the office.

Kate drives to the lorry park and calls Steve, because she's both an idiot and a genius. He’s wearing the same suit as before, grey with a navy tie. She learns that surveillance was pulled on Jo and Ryan, and explains Jo's odd behaviour, forwarding him the address. Unfortunately, their conversation is cut short by Carmichael, which immediately sets Kate on high alert and she ends the call. Just as Kate is about to leave, Jo pulls into the lot, and the tension escalates.

Steve receives the address and immediately informs Hastings and Chloe, ordering the team to get a unit ready. The team starts to rush out and Carmichael asks for calm, which Ted isn't gonna do when one of his people is in danger. AC-12 isn’t about to let Kate down.

At the lorry park, a distraught Jo gets out of her car and approaches Kate’s car. Kate tries to convince Jo to go somewhere else, but all Jo can say is that she's sorry. Kate is confused, but that goes away pretty quickly once an armed bent bastard steps out of Jo's car. He gloats to Kate, saying "Jo wanted to give you a way out. Should've put in for that transfer." Kate tries to convince Ryan to put the gun down, that the authorities will find him, but it doesn't work. Which is when Kate makes a gamble - she tells Ryan about the surveillance on him and Jo. Ryan tries to blame Jo for their situation, but she acts none the wiser (even though Kate told her about Ryan’s surveillance in the previous episode).

"Why would she come here otherwise?"

Sure, Jo is playing down her relationship with Kate for Ryan’s sake, but it isn’t quite that simple. Jo doesn't want to believe Kate had any faith in her. She wants to believe she was pretending, because she has no faith in herself. Her reaction does provide enough of a distraction for Kate to be able to pull her own weapon, and the most tense standoff ever begins...

One of the most key color choices of any outfits so far on the show are the clothes Jo and Kate wear to the lorry park where Jo sets up Kate to be killed by Ryan. Jo is wearing her grey coat, a blue sweatshirt, and a red top. Kate is wearing a blue coat, and a blue striped sweater with a band of red in the middle. These two outfits are ultimately the thesis statement between these two women. Jo is wearing red as her last layer, the one closest to her, but is surrounded by cool tones through her sweatshirt and coat. Meanwhile, Kate’s sweater has a stripes of red and orange surrounded by shades of blue.

But it doesn’t matter that Kate is being visually connected to Jo, because Jo is about to be responsible for her death via Ryan ‘the bent bastard’ Pilkington.

EPISODE 6

Nevermind though, no death for our beloved Kate!

Now, I’m going to take the next parts of the episode slightly out of order in order to tackle Kate and Jo together before their ultimate confrontation with Steve and AC-12. First, a run down of the AC-12 crew: Hastings is in full uniform, which represents his ultimate faith in the system, despite the bad actors and groups that try to destroy it. Carmichael is wearing a grey coat, aligning her with anti-corruption, but it’s piped along the edges with red, which shows how she’s opposed to AC-12 (though not necessarily corrupt). Steve is in his classic blue on blue on blue under his body armor, which shows his dedication to justice and also his faith in Kate. Carmichael confronts him directly about Kate’s whereabouts, which he fastidiously denies having any knowledge of, but unfortunately Hastings is forced to admit that Kate was permitted to carry a concealed firearm for safety. Steve doesn’t trust Carmichael, and this is shown back at the office when he tracks what Patty C is up to, mobilizing Hastings when she’s on the move.

At first glance, Kate and Jo’s red and blue outfits read as a visual metaphor for AC-12 closing in on their location, but I posit that these outfits are also indicative of Kate's belief in Jo, despite her anger that Jo has just set up her death. It’s clear at this point that their simple flirty banter from the beginning of the season has evolved into a deeper connection, which is part of what makes Jo’s betrayal so painful - Kate has been on her side the whole time. Jo just didn’t know it. [note: wrote this before the finale so guess who has egg on her face now…]

After a time jump (of nearly two hours, based on someone else’s analysis of time stamps and radio calls), Kate and Jo arrive at Steve's apartment. Jo asks if Steve can be trusted, and Kate leaves no doubt. Jo also asks why the surveillance got pulled, and Kate informs her about the chief and Carmichael. Jo denies having any part of it, but Kate isn't sure if she can believe her given the whole, you know, attempted murder thing. In a desperate bid to prove her loyalty to Kate, Jo asks for her gun, intentionally putting her prints on the murder weapon. Again, their coordinating outfits are the outward manifestation of their connection. Kate, while still angry, seems to accept what Jo is offering to her, but is clearly trying to maintain distance in the moment.

Jo then tries to see if things between them were real, but Kate refuses to entertain the conversation. What Jo is completely unaware of at this point is the lengths to which Kate has gone to prove that Jo isn't bent, up to and including risking a crucial raid on the OCG workshop. To Kate, it's a question that doesn't need to be asked, [the egg on my face remains] but Kate is also in disbelief that Jo would question her feelings when she's the one who was nearly killed by Jo. It’s an inappropriate time to have this discussion, and Kate lets that be known. They find Steve's personal car, a slate grey Mazda because this show is nothing if not subtle with its vehicular choices - even their personal vehicles tie in to their allegiance with AC-12’s mission.

Driving in Steve's car, Jo asks again if Kate was pretending with Jo, and Kate diverts the conversation away from herself. Was Jo lying to her when she hired Kate because she was ex-anti-corruption? No, she was hoping Kate, with her anti-corruption background, would stop her. Would save her, really. They discuss Jo's ongoing work for the OCG, and Jo's fear that she'll be killed if she turns, just like Tommy. She insists that she's not bent and Kate implores her to prove it.

Kate is pissed [for the non-Americans, she’s very angry, not drunk…] in this scene, as she should be. She believed in Jo, she still believes in Jo, but she betrayed her in a major way. And now, when Kate is sticking her neck out for Jo again, she's still too scared to reveal what she knows. Jo does reveal that Tommy was her uncle, and that her father was a bent cop, which of course doesn’t align with what Kate knows. At Kate's further insistence, Jo directs them toward Gail Vella's house, and finally to the old print shop the OCG had used in the past that is across from Terry Boyle’s flat.

Kate and Jo arrive at the print shop, and Jo is finally about to reveal the truth to Kate. This act, coupled with putting her prints on the gun, earns Jo back a little bit of the trust she lost, and this is shown when the two women share the same shot. Most of the scenes between Jo and Kate have been over the shoulder shots where one woman is the primary focus, and this scene pivots to end with both of them together as the focus. This change happens in time with Kate dropping some of her much-deserved hostility toward the other woman.

But before they can step out of the car, flashing lights and sirens appear behind them - they've been found. The fact that they've been tracked shocks Kate, but she spends no time dwelling as she throws the car into drive and speeds away. AC-12 AFOs have set up an intercept point, which Kate ignores in a truly badass handbrake turn, no matter if it makes any sense that they could have possibly known the route Kate would take in order to set up a kind of road block.

Handbrake turn or no, the Mazda has been intercepted and Kate and Jo are stuck. Kate is still confused that they've been found, but Jo knows the jig is up and tells Kate she's going to say she forced her to drive. It isn't until Jo tells her they have no other choice that Kate gets out of the car. Once out, Jo puts her hands up, but Kate refuses. Just then, AC-12 arrives with Carmichael, and Kate is in shock. "Jesus Christ, Steve's in on it" - cut to Jo's panicked face. This is the man Kate said they could trust, and now he's after them too.

What follows is a very tense standoff between the two fleeing detectives and AC-12. Jo surrenders, but Kate refuses. First Carmichael tries, then Hastings (at which point Kate tells Jo she learned some shady stuff about him), and then finally Steve walks up to them. Jo begs Kate to surrender repeatedly, but the DI believes she’s onto her second major betrayal of the night and she isn’t willing to give in that easily. She thought she could trust Jo, and she nearly killed her, and to her mind she trusted Steve and he turned her over to Carmichael.

Kate is prepared to tear him a new asshole, but he swears up and down that he has no idea how they got tracked, he wouldn't do that to her. Once he promises to get the two women into safety, Kate surrenders. As he walks them in, Kate shared Ryan's confession of murder and Jo's clue about the print shop. To the end, Kate believes in justice and will pursue it.

We then see a disillusioned Kate in her all grey Fruit of the Loom being walked into her jail cell. She sits down on the plastic mattress, looking at a total loss.

Later that night, Steve and Hastings are discussing the events of the previous few hours. Steve is in a grey suit with a blue shirt and tie, same as he had been wearing during the chase. The gaffer questions why Steve didn't tell him about Kate, and Steve claims it was to prevent putting him in a difficult position with Patty C, who walks in with the same question. Apparently, the former partners have keys to each other's houses and vehicles, in case of emergency. Carmichael taking Steve's phone would've read to Kate as an emergency. Steve refuses to back down, and she appears to drop it for the moment.

Now, onto Jo’s interrogation. A lot happens in this thirty minute scene, but to boil down to the important points: Jo is wearing her best Fruit of the Loom, stripping her of her identity and any affiliations she has. The lighting in this scene is cold and sterile, completely cool in tone. Steve sits with Carmichael and Hastings on the other side of the table, dressed in a navy suit, white shirt, and red tie.

Something very important to note in this scene is Jo’s reliance on Steve. He speaks with her gently, acknowledges her pain, and encourages her to be truthful even when it is clearly very difficult. She takes Kate’s trust in him at face value and decides to trust him too. His outfit actually reflects this truth. He’s wearing the same red and blue that Kate and Jo wore while they were on the run - blue surrounds the red. As much as Jo is trusting Steve here because of Kate, Steve is being kind to Jo here for the same reason. His partner and friend does the right thing nearly always - if she was willing to go to these lengths to defend Jo, he owes it to her to learn the truth. Nothing exemplifies this more than when the conversation turns to Pilkington’s death.

Jo refuses to answer at first and actually waits for AC-12 to show its hand first. She notices that Steve hesitates when Carmichael instructs him to talk about the evidence regarding Kate's gun, and she realizes this is her in, this is how she can prove herself to Kate once and for all. It's only after this that she claims to have shot Pilkington and completely shifts the blame from Kate to herself. This catches both Steve and Hastings up, and they react in obvious shock, which changes how Hastings treats her through the rest of the interview and cements Steve’s belief in Kate’s trust. Afterwards, she looks to Steve, who nods. He understands what she just did for Kate, and Jo is relieved to see his comprehension. The questioning continues, and Jo only admits to what she can take direct responsibility for, but nothing that involves the larger network.

Once Carmichael and Hastings leave, she quickly turns to Steve and says a desperate "I'm so sorry." Sorry for hiding evidence in Operation Lighthouse. Sorry for framing Farida. Sorry for what she’s done to Kate.

And Steve, gentle when he can be, gives her a kind "Yeah, me too," in reply. I’m sorry you were groomed into the OCG. I’m sorry you were scared for your life. I’m sorry you hurt Kate, too.

Patty C goes to talk to Kate, and lets her know she won't be charged for Ryan's murder - Jo will be. Kate has a look of relief on her face as she processes the information. But Patty C notes Jo isn't firearms trained, and Kate is. She's telling Kate she knows what really happened, and she's letting it slide. This time. Kate is well aware that Carmichael isn’t stupid - she knows Jo was lying and is only letting Kate get away with it because it better serves her interests. Kate is free, and she sighs with relief and the knowledge of what Jo did.

Steve, still in the same outfit from the interview, and Kate, in a navy pea coat and yellow sweater, meet in an underground car park. once she's been released. A quick note on Kate’s coat: I’d love to say there’s a deeper meaning for the shift in her coat, but I genuinely think it’s just because filming was originally in the spring, then was moved to the fall and continued until November, so it was simply colder. The cut and color of the coat are generally the same, despite the style changing.

Steve offers to lend an ear about the shooting, and then Kate asks about Jo's interview. Steve tells her they didn't get enough information out of her, and Kate tells him that Jo told her that her dad was an officer. "She's scared, Steve. After what happened to Tommy, Dot, Lakewell, nevermind John Corbett". Kate’s anger seems to have dissipated at least a little at this point, because here she is, defending Jo by explaining why she wasn’t forthcoming with a lot of information. This is most obvious through her yellow sweater - still affiliated with Jo, even through everything else. Steve lets her know that Jo is in a secure cell with extra monitoring, which seems to appease her. Kate then informs him she's been made SIO at MIT, and will guarantee cooperation with AC-12. Lomax calls Kate, and the two partners are back working together.

Kate and Steve meet Lomax at the OCG workshop, where he goes over the forensic findings so far as MIT’s resident plot reciter. Kate tells him they need to look further, and orders him to dig up the floor, ruining the poor man’s plans for the evening.

Chloe calls Steve with an update on Thurwell. Then we get a weird scene of darkvision Spanish police apprehending Thurwell. Truly hate it. He's dead. It's a deadend. Clever writing, Jed.

The episode ends with Jo in her navy blue jumper being put into her cell at Brentiss. Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, Lindsay Denton’s besties, walk up threateningly before Jo is led into her cell and the door is shut. I do love the shot here of Jo through the door, caught in a small tight space that’s almost closing in on her.

EPISODE 7

Before I fully jump into Episode 7, please be aware that I am doing a textual analysis. I’m not going to go into the fourth man reveal and its logic or even greater meaning (particularly because I’m looking at this show from a different political context as an American), and I’m not going to speculate on things not seen, at least in this analysis, because the focus is on wardrobe. You can trust I have many thoughts, particularly around race and the writing around female characters, some of which I’ve included but most of which I did not. It took me 9 full days to write everything for this one episode, and was shockingly exhausting. Forgive me if it doesn’t live up to my other ramblings.

We’ll jump right into things. I'm gay but Steve looks so good here in his AC-12 uniform. Anyways, Steve is watching Hastings' old interview with Carmichael about Ian Banks. His concern about Hastings is clear. He’s in pursuit of justice, even if justice puts him up against the gaffer.

Later, Steve and Kate discuss the gaffer and his suspicious behaviour, and he informs her that Ted is slated for retirement. Steve wants to let it go, but Kate refuses. She asks if Steph Corbett knows anything more, and suggests she may be blackmailing Hastings, but Steve is dismissive of it. This causes Kate to raise an eyebrow - oh god Steve's done it again. Steve pleads "It's not like that, mate, it's different," and Kate has never looked more disbelieving and annoyed. She responds, "She's a person of interest,” and their conversation is cut short when Chris calls Kate with an update. Steve is still in his navy suit, and Kate in her yellow sweater. The lack of coordination in these clothes show Kate isn’t quite on the same page as Steve yet, but they’re getting there.

Lomax tells them there was a case found in the floor of the workshop, much like the one holding Gail Vella's computers at the abandoned print shop that Jo led them to. No comment on the OCG’s evidence techniques.

Steve, who kept skipping his occupational health warnings, is in therapy. I didn't cover the OH stuff throughout this analysis since it didn't relate to Jo, but this manages to tie in later so here it is now. It ends in him agreeing to temporarily give up his firearms license. I'm not going to discuss the rest of the meeting, given that Steve seemed to kick his pill addiction and reliance on alcohol and pain relievers to deal with his back pretty damn quickly and it's a storyline of entirely no relevance except as something Ted holds over Steve in a moment of manipulation later. Steve also admits this to Hastings before Occupational Health can tell him. This entire storyline is frustrating. Moving on!

Kate is watching Jo's AC-12 interview at her desk on the Hill, specifically rewinding to parts concerning who Jo believed her father was. She pauses it on a frame of Jo’s face, the terror clear. Kate is dressed in a black suit and a light blue shirt, back on the side of AC-12 and in pursuit of justice, not only with regard to the OCG, but for Gail Vella and Jo.

Steph calls Steve again, and he ignores it, because he's being a bit of a dick. Then he steps out of his car and has a back spasm. This only comes up so Kate can ask about it later and show that Steve, wearing a blue jacket, listened to what she said about getting close to a person of interest. Would truly love to know why Steve parks by an underpass by a river for this scene, but needs must, I guess.

Back at Hillside, another Lomax briefing! Because Chris, Chloe, and sometimes Kate are truly the only people who do any detecting in the entire series!!! Anyways, Chris tells Steve and Kate about the contents of the box under the floor of the workshop. Conveniently, it held four murder weapons (can Jed Mercurio spell deus ex machina?) and neatly tied a bow on Corbett, Bindra, and Vella's deaths, and in a nice series 1 throwback, Jackie Laverty's murder! Kate is wearing a grey turtleneck which coordinates beautifully with Steve’s grey suit, blue tie, and blue shirt. This shows that they’re back on the same page and on the same team, despite their ups and downs this series.

Kate and Steve return to AC-12, where Kate in her new navy pea coat shares that the proceedings against Terry Boyle will be stopped. Except, to my knowledge, Jo already handled that...? They literally made a point of it in her interview. Anyway, Chloe, like Chris, did all the detective work and tells them that the IP of the OCG laptop is in the UK, not Spain as previously believed. Amanda from forensics, the only other person who does any real work, interrupts with a message that shows Jo is about to be targeted. Definitely is spelled wrong. I give up. They feel the need to spell out what JD and BP mean, but spend 3 episodes never explaining what a CHIS is. Sure. Chloe is tasked with finding the fourth man via spelling.

Also I'm truly not being funny by why is Kate on the investigation board in AC-12. Like. What. Was she a suspect? She’s not with the other victims!

A very forlorn Jo in her blue Brentiss jumpsuit is sitting in her prison cell before being collected for transport to Hillside. Jo is very aware that something must be wrong because she’s a damn fine detective. She's mad suspicious as they head out to the van, and lo and behold, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are on the transport team.

En route to Brentiss, they learn that Lomax and Kate's signatures were forged on the production order for Jo. Meanwhile, Jo is too smart for her own good, and questions the guard during the transport about the requesting officer. Tweedle Dee plays dumb.

And then… nothing happens. They intercepted the van in advance, removed Jo, and planted Steve and Kate on the van. Because Steve is such a great choice what with his being an UNARMED OFFICER AT THE TIME. They arrest everyone. Steve ends up with a gun. Ok.

In an interrogation room, Kate and Steve explain what happened to Jo. Hastings looks on. Kate tells Jo she can apply to witness protection, and that all of her notes will show that she was under coercion from others, giving her a shot at the life she never had, but only if she reveals who the top man is, aka her father. Jo begins to cry, and Steve reminds her those OCG men were sent to kill her - this man doesn't care for her. Jo begins to tell them that she had no reason to believe Tommy was lying to her, all while speaking only to Kate. Steve encourages her further, telling her she's not bent. Kate asks her one last time for the name, and we see Jo resolve to say something before the scene cuts. Heaven forbid we show something happening instead of faking built suspense.

Now, I need to pause here for a small moment of rage. Kate should have been the one who got the call back line by telling Jo she's not bent. Not for any romantic reason, but because their little run from the police stunt was done at least in part under the auspices that Jo could prove to Kate that she wasn't bent. In fact, Kate pleads with Jo to do so. It's just frustrating, and gives Steve an emotional beat he hasn't truly earned with Jo, or at least hasn’t earned as much as Kate.

And Jo gives them a name! They search a prison cell, and find nothing. It's really built up to seem like it's Fairbank, who is revealed to be a confused old dude. Why Jo thought she was communicating with him this entire time is simply never addressed. Whatever. They ask about the murders and cover ups, and he offers nothing. Kate asks about Jo, and after some more pushing, Fairbank implicitly agrees that he and Tommy Hunter convinced Jo he was her father. Hastings is pissed, but Chloe calls to save the day (again).

Chloe "I should be Chief Constable" Bishop brings the team up to speed on the text search for incorrect spellings of the word definitely. Which they've apparently managed to do in a matter of hours, even on handwritten reports from 17 years prior! Because Jed has definitely never needed to do a text analysis by hand before. They then proceed to NEVER NAME THE SUSPECT. FOR 1 MINUTE AND 10 SECONDS.

Oh but don't worry, because this is the perfect opportunity for our realigned partners to confront Hastings about the bribe money and his conversations with Ian Banks. Can't reveal who the fourth man is when the head of the investigation is also a bent cop, silly audience. And it's revealed that Ted leaked Corbett as a UCO because of Corbett's role in the attack on Hastings' wife. But it's okay because he's sorry about it!

To be hella clear: Hastings, an anti-corruption officer who prides himself on following the letter of the law, took actions he knew would result in the death of John Corbett and Kate later forgives him for it. Jo was under threat of death from the OCG and tried to get rid of Kate via transfer and then led her to an empty lorry park to be killed while she thought Ryan was under surveillance that could likely intervene, and we in no way see Kate react to that experience in this episode. Cool!

Finally, we get the interview with the fourth man, which is revealed 8 minutes and 32 seconds after the characters themselves learn the information. For some reason unknown to God or man, Kate is there despite not being involved in Buckells' case since she works for MIT, not AC-12. Frankly, not gonna delve into it. Kate is wearing a sweater we've yet to see her in, a blue crew neck that is frankly more feminine than anything we've seen this series so far, and moreso matches what she's worn in previous series. It’s unsettling. Steve is in his classic AC-12 uniform.

Just a quick q for the kids at home - if Buckells only ever communicated with people via a secure browser on burner devices, how in the hell did he get a laptop in prison? Also, why did he not break himself out of prison by having someone else plant evidence of some kind, especially since he supposedly had a lot to blackmail Jo with?

At what I can only assume is their local, Steve and Kate congratulate themselves on doing nothing beyond sit in interview rooms to catch Buckells. Kate might go back to AC-12 - even though she left because of the gaffer's actions which turned out to be WAY WORSE THAN SHE PREVIOUSLY BELIEVED? Sure, Jed. They have a chat about what's been happening with Steve and his painkiller addiction. Kate implies he should drive up to Liverpool to see Steph, which he doesn't think is a good idea. But don't worry, they've got each other, mate. Platonic soulmates forever (no romantic underscoring in this analysis).

And then, with no previous discussion in the script or even telegraphing by the camera, Kate is in therapy. Which is great, because she truly needs it, girl has been through a lot. She mentions her ex, and Josh who is apparently her reason for living but she's texted about him once and mentioned him offhand to Jo to tell her he'd be with her ex, and then her great friend and partner, Steve (which is true, but the romantic framing is gross and out of character).

Not being funny, Kate is wearing a truly horrendous mauve top here, over a white shirt. We've never seen her in a color like this, it doesn't fit in with the rest of the color palette in her wardrobe, up to and including all of the orange and brown she wore at MIT. It's honestly frumpy, and in no way aligns with the characterization shown to us through her wardrobe in the rest of the series. The last time we do see her in an outfit like that is during the interview with Jo. Jo left and took Kate's excellent sense of style with her.

Kate and Steve meet with Patty to discuss Darren Hunter's involvement in the murder of Lawrence Christopher, and discuss how there's more corrupt officers to be uncovered. Patty C isn't gonna do anything about that tho. Hastings strolls up to chat with Patty C, and we learn that Buckells will get immunity. The trio are about to leave when Ted storms back into her office to confess to his actions leading to John Corbett's death. He gets one more speech about carrying the fire and bad apples in policing before they all leave.

For the final outfits we may ever see them in, Hastings is wearing a blue shirt, Steve is wearing a grey suit, white shirt, and green tie, and Kate is in a white turtleneck with a navy pea coat. Again, this turtleneck is more effeminate than anything we’ve seen her in this series. Hell, even Patty C is wearing blue to show she’s aligned with anti-corruption and just kind of a bitch, not actually corrupt.

Finally, to the blessed epilogue. Shoutout to Terry and Farida for getting some closure to the bullshit they’ve been through.

Jo steps out of her little stone cottage in the country, dressed in a casual sweater of grey and blue, breathing in the fall air deeply. Her layers of clothing are gone, her hair is down and soft. Her Icelandic sweater shows that she’s finally free to honor her heart, and no longer feels trapped by her family and who she thought they were.

And then, a dog trots out after her, and we see Jo bend down to hug the retriever and kiss its head. This is the most free affection we have ever seen Jo give. A set of legs appear in the doorway behind her, and a redheaded woman steps out of the cottage to meet Jo and the dog. Jo smiles at her, oh so freely after the tension she carried for 21 years, and they clasp hands, walking down the country road away from their home. Because Jo is free, and she can freely love and live without fear in her new life.

Now, from a purely logistical standpoint, very little affection between anyone could be shown from episodes 3-7 because of COVID filming protocols (which seem to be far more strict on physical distancing than American and Canadian productions). The production team actually did a brilliant job using forced perspective and interesting over the shoulders to make people seem like they were closer together than they were. From a film nerd perspective though, they broke the 180 rule so frequently that I nearly lost my mind (glass boxes are great but they ignore all rules of perspective).

All that aside, the logistics of filming in COVID mean that moments where we do see physical distancing broken are all the more important. Kelly filmed this scene with an actress who she has not been working with for months, because it is so, so important to see Jo come out of the other side of her tragic life intact. It also matters that her partner is wearing a warm hat and has red hair (intentional casting or otherwise) and that their home has a red door, because it shows that those warm tones represent something different for Jo now. They don’t represent fear and betrayal and being trapped - now they represent home.

Additionally, there are a lot of comparisons made between Jo, Dot, and Ryan. All three had been groomed by Tommy Hunter since childhood to work for the OCG, all three were put into the Central Police to act as inside men, and all three committed terrible acts in their own interest. But there are differences here. Ryan was a little shit as a kid and he clearly had a terrible home life - his mom was the worst. He gravitated to an authority figure who offered him something different and who gave him power. He is a victim of circumstance - but he also found power and enjoyment in his terrible actions. He gloated about Maneet Bindra and John Corbett’s deaths, and he enjoyed wielding power over Jo when he was threatening her.

Dot is the blend between Ryan and Jo - he too was groomed by Tommy to enter this world of crime, and did many awful things without regret, including killing people who threatened to expose his identity as the Caddy. It’s not until his friendship, and burgeoning relationship, that his behavior changes. He almost gets away from the Central Police, despite Kate hopping on a lorry for a free ride to track him down, but when faced with the reality that this would mean Kate’s death, he sacrifices himself and gives her a final clue to dismantle the OCG within the police.

Jo, from what we’re shown, felt regret after everything she did, and the show made it a point to demonstrate Jo as a victim of her family and genuine fear for her life if she didn’t continue following the actions of the OCG. We never saw Ryan or Dot with a gun to their head or with a dozen locks on their door. We never saw them break down in bathroom stalls, or even framing people and discrediting them instead of killing them. And it’s ultimately her relationship with Kate that changes things for her - she tries to use Kate at first to get caught, and when they get close she tries to push Kate away in order to protect her, right until she thinks she has no other choice but to let Ryan kill her.

It’s interesting that all three characters meet their end with Kate (and a damn shame the show never chose to address that fully). She quite literally kills Ryan, has a standoff with Dot that ends with him sacrificing himself for her and giving a dying declaration, and goes on the run with Jo to give her time to prove she isn’t bent and who plants evidence against herself to protect Kate. Later, it’s Kate who convinces Jo to give up everything she knows about the OCG and the man who claimed to be her father, and Kate who offers immunity and witness protection. Finally, in their last scene together, Kate manages to save one of the people corrupted under the thumb of the OCG. She completes a task she first set out for in series 1, the first time she interviewed Ryan and tried to get him to realize there’s a better life out there for him.

Kate does what Jo was hoping she would: she saves her, and gives her the life she never thought she could have.

I wish I could end this with a perfect bow that ties the wardrobe threads of this series together, but frankly I can’t. On a macro level, cool tones remains the symbol of anti-corruption and the pursuit of truth and justice, and warm tones represent any force opposing those ideals. On a micro level, Steve’s clothing choices and what they represent remain consistent throughout the series, as do Jo’s. However, the character that ties Steve and Jo together, the person who believed in the truth of Jo despite what face value was saying, that person’s wardrobe gets thrown to hell in the final episode. Kate’s colors remain cool, and it’s understandable that the warm tones that represented her connection to Jo disappear as Jo turns on the OCG, but the actual physical clothing is completely different from what she’s been wearing before and doesn’t fit her characterization.

I think it’s crucial to note that her femininity is only played up when she’s back on a team with men, where her earlier androgynous dress became suddenly unacceptable. It’s a damn shame, because the emotional payoff for Kate’s growth outside of AC-12 could’ve been really spectacular, and she was stymied in the end in favor of her male colleagues.

#line of duty #kate fleming #jo davidson #steve arnott #flemson #kate x jo #lod spoilers #line of duty spoilers #It took me a long time to finish this because I struggled with the absolute 180 degree turn the show took tonally in the final episode #It honestly threw off quite a few of my conclusions #and I had to rethink the analysis #but thank you to everyone who stuck with me #enjoy!

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wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Eighteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Seventeen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Nineteen

I remember the first time I really wanted to see New York. I must have been about 12 years old and was watching a random episode of Friends that was on TV. I saw those flashes of the city between one scene and another, and I thought it was amazing, the great stone jungle.

When I turned 16, my dad gifted me with a trip to New York, not because it was my favorite place in the world, but because it was on sale. There were 10 days where the only time I stopped to rest was bedtime. We went to almost every tourist spot, took thousands of photos and it was definitely one of the best trips I've ever been on.

Now, the city that I once wanted to know and live in, like the characters in Friends, felt like a prison. I wasn't there of my own free will or for a truly irrefutable proposal. I was there out of fear and passion, the most dangerous mixture.

I believe that at some point, a few months from now, I'm going to start loving New York, but right now, I can only feel contempt.

I pass through the arrivals gate, looking at those millions of unfamiliar faces, waiting for someone. I'm looking for a sign with my name or the logo of the Hastings Agency.

I find my name in the hands of a boy a little taller than me. Dark hair and fair skin, he needs sun. In an impeccable suit, but fumbling with his cell phone and notepad.

I approach slowly, able to hear his voice, replaying a million things. He said something about waiting for me to arrive and taking me to the hotel. Something about treating me kindly and not asking questions. I stop in front of him with a sympathetic smile, watching him widen his eyes and quickly turn off his cell phone.

“Miss McGonagall, welcome to New York.” he takes my hand, squeezing it and shaking it quickly. “I'm Edward. I will be responsible for your schedule.” I can't control the smile, noticing him nervousness. In other words, he was my Noah.

“Hi! Yeah, you can call me Marnie, that's fine. I prefer, actually.”

“Oh! Of course.” his cheeks turn pink. “Well, I'll drop you off at the hotel to rest and tomorrow at 8:00 am you should be at Valentino's studio for the rehearsal of the new bag collection. At 2:45 pm you should already be at Chanel's studio, they want to take your measurements and do some color and fabric tests for the fashion show at the end of the month. Then, at 5:00 pm, you will participate in the E! podcast, and I believe that after that you will be free for the rest of the day.” he passes it on to me as we head out of the airport.

“OK!” that's all I have to say.

“Sorry if I'm being nosy, but were you the one who required a lot of work for the next two months? I mean, you have a really busy schedule. If you don't want something, I can try to help.” he flips through the calendar while we wait for a car.

“No! It's OK. I was the one who asked. I was down for a while and I need to get back to work.” I give a slight smile, debating. "Hm, was the doctor I asked for by any chance be marked?"

“Yes! Wednesday at 3pm.” he smiles proudly, making me smile too. Edward seems like a nice guy.

We got into a silver car and went to the hotel. Along the way, Edward answers a few calls, closing in on his tasks. I seize the moment and close myself in my own world. I get my cell phone, turning it on and seeing that tsunami of people looking for me. Missed calls, messages, dm on twitter and instagram, everyone looking for me, but not him.

I lock my cell phone, trying to focus my mind on the new beginning I sought for myself. I admire the city through the car window, trying to find a piece of home there. I feel the phone vibrate in my lap with Kyleen's name, but I just decline the call. In seconds, the screen lights up again and several messages come in, I believe they are hers, but I don't even bother to look. I have no courage.

The car stops in front of the Intercontinental, and just like that, Edward jumps out of the car.

“Your loft, unfortunately, is not ready yet. So you're going to have to stay here for a few days.” he explains, heading towards the reception desk.

I stand behind him, taking in the details of the hotel. Before long, I'm entering a room on the 14th floor, with a beautiful view of the city. The bags are left in the small room before the bedroom.

I smile at my new “Noah” showing that everything is perfect.

“Good! I'll let you rest for tomorrow. Anything, these are my phones.” he gives me a card. "And you can call me at any time. I live near here, I will come in a few minutes.”

“Thank you so much, Edward. You are very kind." Again, your cheeks turn pink.

As he heads for the door, I start rummaging through my bags for pajamas.

“Hm, sorry if I'm not being professional right now, but since I believe we'll be working together in the next few months, I imagine a good relationship is essential, so you can call me Eddie.”

I open an even bigger smile, seeing that Eddie was willing to make a friendship, which is perhaps the thing I need most at the moment.

“Thanks, Eddie!” he smiles and this time he walks away, leaving me alone again.

I go back to looking for a more comfortable outfit, ignoring my cell phone blinking on the table as I muted it. I grab my clothes, heading to a shower and stay there for a long time, letting the water take everything.

When I get out of the shower, I pick up the bedroom phone, dialing my mother's number, I don't want to take the risk of answering any of my cell phone calls.

"Hello?" her lost tone makes me smile weakly.

“Hi Mom!”

“Hi, my love. How are you? Marnie, what's going on? Leah came here to say you left without saying goodbye. I called Luke, but he did not answer me and Noah said something about you being to move to New York, you told me it would be just a month.” I cover the phone, not wanting her to hear my cry, letting the tears fall. "Marnie?"

“I'm sorry, Mom.” I can't control my voice and pretend it's okay.

“Honey, what's going on? You can tell me. Mom will help you.” I realize she wants to cry too, and that hurts me more.

“I needed to do this, needed to get away from him.” the revelation comes out before I can see it.

"He who? Luke? Why? I thought everything was fine.” her desperate tone returns.

“I'm sorry I can't talk.” I close my throat, holding back tears. “I just want to let you know that I arrived well and that everything is fine.”

“Fine? Marnie, just look at your voice, your condition. I saw what you did to the apartment. Honey, things aren't fine.” now she was angry.

“Mom, please just trust me. I know what I'm doing.” Do I? I clear my throat, holding back the emotion. “I just wanted to call to say I got okay. Later we'll talk.” I hang up the phone before she asks anything else.

I head to the bathroom, drying my hair. I notice that yesterday's anger is still in me as I can't face my image in the mirror, refusing to look deep into my eyes.

With dry hair, I go back to my room, thinking about taking a nap, since I haven't slept all night and even less on the flight. I close my eyes, trying to focus my thoughts on something else. I think about that taxi I saw earlier, trying to park. Or people crossing the street without looking at the sign. At the cookie shop I want to see.

I manage to evade Luke's, my mother's, John's, and Noah's voices, giving myself more and more to the sleep that finally came. Far away, I hear someone knocking hard on the door, but I ignore it, as I had the same thoughts yesterday morning. But I wake up when the pounding comes back stronger and Leah's voice enters the room.

“Marnie Elizabeth McGonagall, open this shit now before I drop it and you know I'm capable of it.” I leap out of bed, running to the door.

She can’t be here.

I open the door, revealing Leah with perhaps the worst expression I've ever seen in the world. She was furious, if not more so. As she storms into my room without waiting for an invitation, I quickly look down the hall, seeing a couple look at me startled. I smile awkwardly, closing the door.

“What are you doing here?” I question, still not understanding.

"What are you doing here? And without warning anyone. Fading in the morning. Breaking up with Luke. What the fuck was that?” she screams.

For a second, I see that my amnesia was an issue with my plan. By not remembering my friendship with everyone, I really believed that I just left and everything would be fine. I didn't imagine anyone would cross the country for me, to understand what was going on.

And if Leah did it, it's a matter of hours before someone else does. They weren't going to leave me alone, they weren't going to forget me, and they weren't going to let this story pass. I need to push them away, but I don't know how.

"Go on, Marnie. What the fuck is going on? And if you tell me it's a job offer, I swear I'll fly at you without pity or mercy, and I'll slap the truth out.” she cross her arms.

I consider the last option a lot because I know she can do it. But I won't tell her the truth, that's not an alternative. I want to believe that if I don't back off, she'll see I'm not lying and won't attack me. And even if she tries, I just run away, I'm closer to the door and there's an armchair between us.

"But it is what it is!" I shrug.

“Stop it!” she screams. “Stop lying, Marnie. Everyone. Everyone knows you're lying, so why don't you tell the truth?” she waves her hands through the air.

“Because there's no other truth, Leah. Will I have to draw it for you?” I make the same moves she does.

“Be my guest!” she sits on the couch. I sigh wearily. I haven't slept for hours, I'm angry with myself and the world and now that I thought the situation was resolved and I just had to go on with my life, she comes and messes everything up.

“Why are you here?” I stay upright.

“I do not know! It must be cause you went crazy and disappeared without saying anything. Didn't answer my calls, no one had any answers about what was going on. So I took my father's jet and came to resolve this situation and I don't leave here without an answer at least.”

In the same way I laugh at Noah, I laugh at her, thinking it will fix everything. Leah carries the same expression as her brother, neutral, mocking.

“Why did you break up with Luke?” she asks quietly.

The mention of his name makes me shiver. I notice how my stomach turns and try to ignore it. I wonder if I can subtly extract some information from his state, but I don't want her to think I still care about him.

"Cause I wasn't in the mood anymore." I shrug, walking through space.

“My God, you've actually lied better.” I glare at her. “You know you're in trouble here, I know you better than anyone. I know you are lying and that you are going through some difficult situation. I even have my theories. So you're going to have to work a lot harder to trick me or get me out of here.” she cracks a smile, feeling victorious.

"Oh do you have? What are your theories?” I mock her.

“The first is that you really freaked out with amnesia and you can't handle it. The second is that you can't handle your feelings about Luke, it happened once before. And the third is that someone put some shit in your head and made you believe that everything would be better if you were out of the way.” I feel her gaze burning into me, looking for any reaction.

I let out a laugh, not forced, nervous that she got it right. Leah raises an eyebrow.

“You really traveled on your theories. Sorry, none are right.”

As if by magic, the answer appears to me. The only way I was going to get rid of everyone and go through with the plan without a hitch was to make her hate me. Make everyone hate me, just like I did Luke.

Just considering their hate for me makes my heart ache. But I need to do this. For Luke. For the boys. It's for their success.

“You know, a few months ago you were asked to be in a movie and you didn't take it cause you said you were a terrible actress. Isn't that right?” she gets up again. “Noah told me you said you were doing this for Luke, because you loved him. Marnie, what are you trying to hide?” she comes closer.

I feel dirty because of the attitude I'm going to take. It's low, very low, but I need her to hate me.

"Look who talks about hiding." I give a cynical laugh. Leah looks at me confused. "Don't you have anything to tell too?" she still doesn't understand. “You and Kyleen?”

Hastings freezes. The bitter taste of my act starts to fill my mouth. I’m sorry, Leah. I’m so sorry.

“How do you know?” she takes a step back.

"Who do you think closed the bathroom door on Ash's birthday?" I raise my eyebrows.

“Is not the same thing.”

“It isn’t? Aren't you hiding something from all of us?” I force a smile like hers a few minutes ago.

“No! Cause I'm not pushing everyone away, I'm not telling lies. And if you asked me, I would tell you the truth. Deep down, you know why I didn't say anything. You know my dad hasn't accepted Noah yet, that this is a problem in our family, and you know he wouldn't accept me either. You know that deep down I'm trying to protect both of us.”

“Oh! Do I?” I debauchery more. Right now, I feel horrible when I see your eyes water. I'm so, so sorry.

“I know what you're trying to do and I'm not going to stage it.” she walks past me to the door.

"Didn't you want to talk? I am talking.” Leah turns to me, straining the knife I carried in my chest, letting me see her crying face.

“You're trying to make me hate you.” now I'm the one who freezes. She laughs. “See how I know you? You are very predictable, Marnie. And as much as I know of your intention, I will not allow you to reach your goal. I hope that one day, not too far away, you realize what a big shit you're doing.” she opens the door, going. “Oh, and before I forget, since it's meant to hurt. Congrats, since your little chat with Luke, he's been locked in his room, needing Michael to keep an eye on him.” so Leah slams the door and strikes the final blow.

I bite the inside of my mouth, letting the tears fall. Honestly, I didn't even have the strength to hold back anymore. The rage burning inside me gives way to pain. I imagine Luke locked in his room, lying on the bed, hating me. Hating what we had and what we thought we had.

I walk over to my suitcase, pulling out a package, with the photos I'd taken from the box and the little white box he'd given me. I open it, holding the necklace with his name on it, the one he gave me.

Even knowing what I had to do, I wouldn't get rid of this necklace, I don't have the courage. It was easier to buy an equal one and put it in his hand. What he did to me would be kept with me forever.

““Closed eyes.” he fights.

"I have my eyes closed." I rebate. “Lucas…” I chide him, when I feel his lips on the back of my neck.

“Sorry, I got distracted.” I hold back the urge to laugh. “Closed eyes.”

"If you say it one more time, you'll get hit." I threat.

"How, if you can't see me?" right now, the urge to hit him is so strong that I follow the sound of his voice, trying to kick him. “Hey! No rudeness, otherwise you'll be left without a gift.” the false authoritative tone makes me angrier. “Good girl!”

“Go!” I kicked.

I'm startled by the icy touch against my neck. It's a necklace. Eagerly, I touch the pendant, recognizing the shape. He didn't do it.

“You can open it.” his hands move to my hips, hugging me.

With my eyes open, I run my vision to my neck, finding there a necklace just like his but blue.

“Happy Birthday!” he drops a kiss on my cheek.

I hold the blue quartz, seeing Luke's name engraved on the back. I let a stupid smile spread across my face, glaring at my boyfriend with the same.

"Want to explain why we're wearing practically identical necklaces?"

“It's a little obvious. Couples wear rings and I know what a problem you have with rings.”

“It’s not a problem.” I try to defend myself.

“It's just Alzheimer's. You know, in some people, it starts before they're 70 years old.” I hit him, and he laughs, before he hugs me. "Like I was saying, I know you're not into wearing a ring, so since I already had my necklace, I thought you'd have yours. That way we'll always be close to each other's hearts.” I rest my hands on his shoulders, standing on tiptoes.

"Have I told you I love you today?" I whisper, moving closer.

“Not after 5 pm.” he pouted, looking at the clock on the wall.

I don't know how I managed to kiss him with such a stupid smile on my face.

“Why do I like you, huh?” I question, stealing a little kiss.

“Because I'm cheesy and romantic. And even if you deny it, I know you get attached to it.” he opens a victorious smile.

"Don't ever say 'get attached' again." I beg laughing.

"What is it, bae? That was awesome.” he laughs.

“No!” I scream, laughing.

"What is it, babe girl? Don't you stick to my way of get in?” he keeps teasing me.

I place my lips on yours, determined to shut your mouth and thank you that it works. My mental reminder of “we're late for dinner” evaporates when his hands reach under my shirt. I scratch the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

“We're late for dinner.” he says against my mouth as I start to unbutton his shirt.

“Just say the traffic was like hell.” I suggest kissing his neck.

Luke accepts the idea, picking me up and walking me back to the bedroom."

It's not hard to know that we were late for dinner that day. But I didn't care, I had been given a necklace with his name on it, a necklace that showed how our relationship was getting more and more serious.

I also realize that the two times I got this necklace, at least once I ended up in bed with him. In fact, in both, but only one made it to the end.

“I hate myself.” I say tiredly, going to the minibar to get anything containing alcohol that makes me forget everything.

I call the front desk for two bottles of champagne and the biggest snack they have. I pick up the small whiskey bottles, turning one after the other, as if they were shot. I shake my head, wanting the effect to start faster.

“I hate myself. Leah hates me. Kiki must hate me now too. Just like Noah and everyone else there. Everybody hates me.” I turn the last one over, shaking my head once more. “Luke hates me. Hates me too much.” I comment, hugging the pillow.

I pick up a Polaroid of ours, staring at our happiness marked there. What am I doing?

I throw my head in my hands, lost. I wonder what might happen if I crawl into bed and don't go out for the rest of the month. Probably more people will hate me, but who doesn't hate me now? I mean, just get in line.

Awakened from the thought, when someone knocks on the door. For a second, I wonder who it was, then remember I ordered room service. I walk to the door, feeling the weight of the six small bottles.

My stomach churns and I feel an overwhelming urge to vomit as I land my eyes on the redhead in front of me. Red-haired?

"Bethany?"

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