#hope y'all like me being salty lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oursecretescape · 2 months

Text

Forgotten

words: 7.5k

genre: angst

If my fate is to disappear like this, then this is my last letter - Let go xx TW: Mentions of anxiety, panick attack. Trad: anjinho = little angel. a/n: Hello, my babies. This story is the translation of ''Forgotten'' that I recently posted. I tried to make it as angsty as possible, hope I have achieved my goal. My apologies before hand for any grammar erros. English is not my first language. I suggest you all read it along with the saddest song you like. Well... with all that being said, I wish you a happy reading (or sad? lmao. dunno). Tell me later what y'all thought. ♥

"Hey! We'll be there soon. Sorry for the delay. Today's rehearsal took longer than expected. We're leaving now."

Received at 5 in the afternoon.

I take a quick glance at the clock, and it shows eight in the evening. A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I feel my heart drumming slowly in my chest, each beat amplifying my growing sense of unease.

I get up from the couch and reach for the umbrella swaying gently in the wind coming from the window. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath, attempting to manage the sudden surge of fear and despair growing in my chest. My heart is racing, and my mind is in overdrive. A sense of mortality and suffocation, all rolled up into a single emotion: anxiety.

I sit down, sliding along the corridor wall. I try to control my breathing while attempting to steady the pounding of my heart. I think that dying in the hallway of a building would be so pointless and dull that it makes me laugh. A laugh, strained and devoid of emotion, but functional.

Heart rate normalizing. Labored, but controlled breathing. Mind stabilized.

I feel my face wet with tears. I wipe them away with trembling hands. When did I start crying? I rise from the floor, swaying a little. I take another deep breath and press the elevator button.

Dad always said that thinking of ridiculous things in difficult moments would help distract me. He was right, as he always was.

The cold, damp breeze of Seoul's streets warmed my soul. Its black skies, like darkness, covered with thick clouds, carried heavy raindrops that, upon impact, met my umbrella, creating beautiful melodies. It was comforting to hear the drops hitting the hard concrete; they reminded me that I wasn't crying alone.

It was thundering when I arrived at the destination. Bright streaks in the sky made the monument even gloomier. I found it ironic how everything matched my feelings. As I entered through the doors, I could already hear muffled cries. Sadness and suffering permeated the air, leaving me melancholic.

After a few more steps, I could see the person I love the most in the world greeting me with a beautiful smile. His eyes were shining like true rays of sunshine. I sit in front of him, sliding my fingers where his name rests. Lee Joon-Ho.

"Dad, I miss you so much," I say aloud, my voice cracking with emotion. "It's been incredibly lonely without you here. You have no idea how much I long for your company," I said, feeling the salty taste of tears. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring my friends to meet you like I promised. They're all caught up with their own lives, you know how it is. But don't worry, I'll bring them next time when they're less busy," I chuckle, with no emotion.

I hear footsteps behind me. I stand up excitedly, my heart pounding, but this time as a sign of comfort. They didn't forget. I feel my face stretch into a small smile, which is quickly dissolved.

"Hello, young lady. Good evening," the guard gives me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to ask you not to linger too long on your visit today. The rain caused some minor leaks, and we'll have to close a little earlier."

"Oh okay, I understand," I responded in a whisper.

"I'm sorry. You have 10 minutes. I'll leave you alone," he said, bowing and leaving promptly.

I turn again, sitting on the floor.

"Dad, today I have to leave a little earlier. But don't worry, I'll be back soon," I feel the tears fall like the drops falling from the sky. "I love you so much," I say between sobs. "I miss you."

I stand up in desperation, running out the door, feeling the drops fall freely on my body, without the protection of the umbrella. It was as if I was washing away all the bad feelings flowing from my being.

Arriving home, I take a hot shower and change into comfortable clothes. The room were in dense darkness. It was just the rain and me. And my cat, who was rubbing against my leg, lay on my lap."

I feel my chest inflate with comfort at the presence of the little being and smile at the gesture.

With the phone in hand, I try to distract my restless mind. I see the Twitter icon and feel my heart pounding as if I shouldn't do this, but I do it anyway. The blue screen shining amidst the darkness of the room soon turns into white, leaving my vision blurred. I switch to dark mode and continue scrolling through my feed.

Within a few seconds, I see something that breaks my heart even more. Among the bursts of excitement from Armys, there are videos of the boys, my boys, having fun in a restaurant with her. They forgot about the visitation day because of her. Again, the reason why I was put aside is her.

Knocks on the door make me forget the feelings of jealousy and anger that burned in my body like fire. I hesitated to remove the furry creature from my lap, as it seemed so comfortable. With a little effort, I get up and walk to the door. Upon opening it, I see Adora's face in a comforting smile. Seeing a friendly face, I feel my tears fall freely on my face once again. She immediately drops the bags she was carrying and envelops me in a loving hug.

I can't say for how long we hugged. What I can say is that it was exactly what I needed at that moment. I feel my chest getting lighter as if all the bad feelings had been carried away by the embrace, and I feel grateful to Adora for that.

Slowly I pull away, and I can see her smile return twice as big.

"Better?" she asks, making me nod.

I step aside, and she enters, placing the food bags on the coffee table. I close the door and follow her.

"What did you bring?" I ask curiously, making her laugh.

"I knew food would cheer you up," she laughs. "I brought a lot of junk food. Sweet and savory cookies, ice cream, sweet and sour pork, hamburgers, and sodas."

"Soda?" I wonder. "Since when do you like fizzy drinks? You always said they gave you gas," I hold back a laugh.

"The soda is for you. For me," she reaches into the bag, pulling out two green bottles of soju. "I brought alcohol," she says sticking her tongue out as she shakes the bottles.

I smile at her little dance, but seeing her gummy smile reminds me of him. I feel the sadness wanting to return when I remember the videos, but I cast aside any bad feelings as I grab the ice cream container.

"I didn't want to bring it up, but I'm really sorry I wasn't there. You know how it is at BigHit. I couldn't leave the production until the work was finished," she explains, and I smile.

"It's okay. I understand," I whisper. "The important thing is that you're here now."

"About the boys..." she starts to say, but I quickly cut her off.

"No, it's fine. I don't want to talk about it."

"But you need to, Cassie. You know that. Keeping it all inside will only make it worse. You know you can trust me. Vent it out. I'm here," she holds my hand.

I close my eyes, nodding. I search within myself for the strength to let out everything I'm feeling. Everything that's hurting me. I bite my lower lip and open my eyes. It's going to be okay.

"It's been some time since my friendship with the boys started cooling off," I begin, feeling her squeeze my hand in comfort. "You know I met Tae before he became famous, and he's the one who introduced me to the rest of the boys. Since then, we've had a very strong friendship. We weren't always together, especially with the tours and my work, but we were close, like a real family. No matter how long we went without seeing each other, nothing changed, until recently," I sigh. "Park Ji-Hye showed up about 2 months ago, a few weeks before my dad passed away. She auditioned for the dancer position and passed the test," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I saw her audition," she says.

"So, since that day, I saw her getting closer and closer to the boys. They were always talking about how cool and funny she is, and, you know, I was happy for them. A new friendship is always good, especially for them, who are famous and always have to be careful with opportunists. But it never crossed my mind that she would take the place I had in their lives," I smile sadly. "They started visiting me much less. Calling me much less. Inviting me to the dorm or out much less. Until the day I literally became nothing to them," I look at Adora, whose face is red with anger.

"These..." I interrupted her.

"You don't want to lose your job, right?" I ask, laughing. "And you can't blame them either. She became their official dancer, which means wherever they go, she's with them," I shrug. "She's with them all the time, and that surely made them closer to her. Even more than me," I feel my eyes welling up. "I don't want to lose them, but I feel like I already did."

"Hey," she shakes me. "Calm down, breathe. I know they messed up. And they messed up badly, but it doesn't mean they've forgotten about you," Adora says, trying to comfort me.

"They forgot me the day my dad died, Adora. I'll never forget that. I feel like on that day, I died twice. I remember calling them in desperation, crying, not knowing what to do, feeling like my world was falling apart," I pause as I feel all the emotions returning. "And they said they were coming, but they never showed up," I continued after a few seconds of silence. "After that, they sent me a message explaining that Park Ji-Hye had gotten hurt dancing and they were with her at the hospital," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I remember. She just fell on her butt, but she made a scene like she broke her back. Everyone was freaking out at the company, even Bang PD. But in the end, it was just drama," she laments.

"After that, they didn't even visit me. Not even once," I laughed with no emotion. "Right after, they forgot my birthday. I understand that I wasn't excited at all because of my dad, but it wouldn't hurt to receive some supportive or congratulatory messages from them. I was so upset that I sent some sad texts. In less than thirty minutes, they were knocking on my door. We cried a lot, but I felt like a part of me had come back to life and that everything was going to be okay," I sarcastically laughed. "I couldn't have been more wrong, could I?" I asked.

"Cassie..."

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. After today, I finally understood," I grab a spoon. "They found someone better than me. Someone who can be with them all the time and help them when they need it. I'm just sad that person isn't me. Not anymore," I shove the spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, to prevent the tears stuck in my throat from coming out.

For the rest of the night, Adora didn't bring up the subject again, and I was grateful for that.

A random movie played on TV, but my mind was far away. I looked to the side and saw Adora sleeping with her mouth open. A piece of cookie rested on her cheek while her hand lay above her head. I silently chuckled, covering us and then turning off the TV.

A distant ringing sound caught my attention. I tapped around the couch until I found the phone under the cushion. My eyes automatically closed from the sudden contact with the bright screen, but just as they closed, they widened.

After the first notification, thousands started to show up. My heart throbbed in my chest as my body was flooded with nervousness.

"Min PD: Cassie, please tell me you're there."

"Joonie: Please respond. We're sorry. It wasn't our intention not to show up..." The message appeared cut off because I hadn't unlocked the phone yet.

"Hobierto: Believe us, Cassie. Please, we know you're awake. Answer us."

"Jinnie: Cassandra, we would never do anything to hurt you. Please let us explain."

"Mochi: Answer the phone."

After that message, a group call popped up on the screen. I stared at it, battling the urge to answer. I sighed deeply and threw the phone back onto the couch because no matter how much I wanted to talk to them, I was still hurt. I didn't want to answer and end up fighting. Saying things without thinking and ending up in a worse situation. The best thing to do now was to rest.

I made myself comfortable on the bed we had arranged on the floor, and put the pillow over my head to block out the notifications. When I didn't see any changes, I pressed the power button on my phone and confirmed it right away. I lay back down and took a deep breath. Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will be okay. ——————————————————

It wasn't even dawn when I heard knock after knock. Disoriented, I got up, searching for where the noise was coming from until my feet led me to the front door. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall and got irritated to see it was six past two in the morning.

I swung the door open, ready to argue with whoever had woken me up so early after going to bed so late, but I lost my voice when I saw the seven people I loved most staring at me ty forlornly.

I felt two arms embrace me tightly, followed by two more until I lost count. Desperate whispers for forgiveness echoed in my ear, making me feel loved... until a certain moment. Memories of what had happened the night before made me wake up from the sleep I didn't know I was in. Slowly, I distanced myself from the seven, able to see the tears streaming down some of their faces and sadness emanating from the others.

"Cassie..." Jimin starts. "I'm so sorry. It wasn't our intention to leave you alone in such a difficult time. Please, believe us."

"We didn't come here to lie to you, Cassandra..." Namjoon says. "It really wasn't our intention. I know this is going to sound completely wrong, but we made a promise to Ji-Hye. We promised to take her out to celebrate her birthday since she's far from her family and would probably celebrate alone," I try to hide a grimace.

They couldn't miss her birthday, but could miss mine.

"As soon as we finished eating, we were going to come straight here. And we really were, Cas, really. But the company called saying we had to go there to finalize the last details for the album. It was then that we sent several messages in the group, but you didn't see any."

"That's why we're here," Taehyung says, interrupting Namjoon. "Cassie, listen to me. You're one of the most important people in my life. Sorry if lately my actions haven't shown that, but please, please, Cas, don't be mad at us. I couldn't bear to know that you're upset because of me," he whispers.

"Go to the dorms tonight. Let's talk about this calmly," Hoseok suggests.

I remain silent for a few minutes.

"Come on, please. Hum? Hum?'' Tae shakes my arm. ''You'll go, right? Say yes," he asks.

"Okay," I sigh deeply. "I'll go."

I feel arms wrapping around my body again, and I relax, enjoying the contact. This time, the hug lasted only a few seconds. The boys said goodbye, saying they needed to be at the company in a few hours.

"Tonight at 7. We'll be waiting for you," Yoongi said and then left.

I closed the door, trying to contain my excitement and the obvious smile on my face. As I turned to go back to bed, I was startled to see only Adora's head peeking out from behind the couch. She had a radiant smile on her face as she looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Shut up," I say, making her laugh. ——————————————————

I look at the clock on the wall. It's 8:07 in the evening. Damn, I was late. I could already hear Adora's voice slowly emerging in my mind, saying that I should have listened to her and picked out my outfit earlier. Shaking my head, I focus on finishing getting ready. The last thing I needed right now was a lecture from my own mind.

I hear knocks and the doorbell ringing repeatedly.

"Shit," I mutter as I hop over to the door.

I try to put on my sock while walking to the door, but my unfailing plan soon becomes fallible when I trip over my own hand and fall on the floor. The knocks and the doorbell grow louder, and I feel irritation creeping in. "ALRIGHT, I'M COMING," I yell and pick myself up.

I walk back to the door with a pout and my hair completely tousled, covering my face. I take a deep breath, fix my hair, put on a fake smile, and finally open the door. As I see the seven people I love most in the world looking at me with confused faces, I feel my smile turn genuine, and the earlier irritation vanish as if it had never existed.

"Is everything okay? Why didn't you come?" I hear Taehyung ask as he scrutinizes me from head to toe."

"What happened? Something serious?" Seokjin asks, and I shake my head.

"No, guys, sorry. I almost died trying to choose a good outfit to wear and ended up running late, sorry," I explained laughing.

''What do you mean you almost died?" Jungkook asks as I watch their faces turn into a grimace."

"It was nothing, really," I reassure, taking a quick glance at Jungkook, who was holding back his laugh.

He knew it. I am sure he did.

"Are you sure you didn't... you know... fall on your ass?" he smirks. "I'm sure I heard a huge..."''

"Hobi," I said excitedly, "What do you have there?" I pointed to the bags he was carrying while Jungkook laughed.

That little prick.

''Food," he says, shaking the bags. ''We know how much you love eating''.

I chuckle and make way for them to enter. In a few minutes, the food was already on the coffee table, and an improvised bed was set up on the living room floor. I change into more comfortable clothes and join them.

"Look, before we start, we want you to know how sorry we are," Yoongi says.

"Yes... Sorry for not being there on the visitation's day," Jimin adds. "If there's anything you want to say, anything that's bothering you, please let us know. We'll fix it all, Cassie. ''he holds my hand.'' We want things to go back to how they used to be."

"We're here for you, Cas," Jin finishes, and I smile weakly.

I pause for a moment, feeling that it still wasn't the right time. So, I just sigh and shake my head.

"It's okay, guys. Really," I open with a smile. "Let's just watch this movie already. I'm dying to see who'll be the first one to cry and shake in fear like a little kitten." I say, trying to change the subject, and smirk when I realize it worked.

"I am sure it won't be me," Hoseok says with confidence. "Cause you know..." he shows off his muscles. "I'm a man," he pauses for a minute.

It doesn't take long until Hoseok's laughter fills the room, making everyone laugh.

"Who listens to him talking like this, doesn't even think the Gladiator sandal outside belongs to him," Jungkook says, making Hoseok look at him flabbergasted.

''Hey, what do you mean by that?'' he asks shookedt. ''It's fashionable''

"Yeah, Hobi. Sure is," Yoongi says, patting his shoulder.

''Why I don't believe you are being honest?'' Hoseok asks putting his finger under his chain. ''I'm going to expose you on Twitter. Or should I say X?''

''What? Are you into Xvideos?'' Namjoon asks as he returns.

Everybody stops and looks at him. When did he even leave to begin with?

"What were you doing, Joonie?" I ask, smirking at him. "Were you in the bathroom?" he nods as the rest of the boys laugh.

''Now we know why you are thinking naughtiness'' Jimin says.

Namjoon's face turns red as he shakes his hands nervously. He tries to sit down on the couch but somehow ends up falling on the ground. We can see his cellphone flying around the living room as he throws his arms in the air in an attempt to regain his balance, but it doesn't work, as expected.

''No need to be nervous, Joonie'' I say. ''Everybody masturbates once in a while.''

''Do we?'' Yoongi looks at me suspiciously.

"I mean," I chuckle nervously. "How did we even get to this conversation? Let's just watch the movie for God's sake."

"Nah, nah. Don't you try coming up with excuses," Tae says abruptly. "What do you mean by that? Are you dating someone?" Jungkook seems to be having fun as he opens a beer can.

''What? Me? Dating?'' I laugh. ''Not even close. But I can't say the same about Jungkook, can I?'' he chokes.

''Uh? What you on about?'' he asks as he cleans his mouth. ‘’Seven days a week, huh?’’ he burst into laughter. He pauses for a minute before smirking. "Hm, why's that, baby girl?" he says, leaning in my direction. "Are you jealous?" he asks, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Do you want me to…" he bites his lower lip. "You know," he says putting his finger on my lips. I can already feel the cringeness and second-hand embarrassment traveling throughout my body as the rest of the boys laugh. This prick. ‘’You really need to get out from twitter,’’ I say, shoving him away. ‘’The next step is to put up a black and white profile picture and call yourself a webdom’’ He raises both of his middle fingers in my direction before turning his attention back to the beer can. ‘’Are you guys done? Can I finally play this damn movie?’’ Yoongi asks, making everybody nod.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was time for them to leave. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay overnight. They had to leave very early the next day due to their schedule.

I hesitated to get up; I didn't want to accompany them to the door out of sheer laziness, and feeling Taehyung shaking me with his foot made me even more sluggish.

"If you keep doing that, I swear I'll fall asleep," I say, making him huff.

"Come on, sloth imitation. Take us to the door," Jimin says, but gives up when he sees Jungkook lying next to me.

"Jungkook, I'm sure you really like your video game, right?" Seokjin asks, and in a jump, Jungkook gets up.

"Are you really not taking us to the door?" Yoongi asks, and I remain silent. "Okay then."

When I open my eyes to see what he was going to do, I feel an arm gather and squeeze my legs while a hand starts tickling my feet furiously.

"JESUS!" I scream in surprise.

I heard laughter as I fought for my life. The strange feeling that tickling brought made me confused if I was laughing because I found it funny or if it was fear messing up my nervous system. The laughter increased as I writhed and screamed for help.

"YOONGI, YOU JERK!" I said without realizing that I was actually yelling.

"Weren't you sleepy?" Yoongi asks. "So, I'm trying to help you."

"WAIT UNTIL I GET UP, YOU PIECE OF BROWN SUGAR, I'M GOING TO END YOU."

"Are you going to take us to the door?" he asks.

"OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TAKE YOU, JUST STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," I yell.

I feel my body calm down and my brain start functioning again as the tickling ceases. I looked at Yoongi who was laughing while sniffing his hand.

"Ew, you have smelly feet," he says, and I get up.

"Come here, you little jerk," I chase after him as he runs away mocking me.

After a few seconds, I could already feel that the 70% of water in my body had evaporated and the air in my lungs was scarce. When did my body become so sedentary?

"Idiot," I curse Yoongi who laughs. "I hate you."

"I love you too, beautiful thing," I hear him say.

Finally, I accompany them to the door. After a lazy farewell, I see them about to leave, but a click in my mind makes me stop them.

"As you know, I graduated from college, but since it was at the time when my father died, I didn't have any enthusiasm to celebrate. Adora recommended that I have a celebration the day after tomorrow night, since it's the weekend. Just to not let it go unnoticed. So... you guys are invited."

"We'll be here, don't worry," Namjoon says, and I smile nodding.

We say goodbye again, and this time, I see them leave. Seeing the elevator door close, I go back inside the house. The smile on my face never leaves me for a second, and finally, after so long, I could feel that things would really be okay.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Thanks to Adora, everything was organized on time. The food was ordered since neither she nor I wanted anyone to die from food poisoning. The time we ended up in the hospital the day we cooked for each other was enough. No need to repeat the dose.

I check the time on my phone and see it's 8pm. They would arrive at any moment, so I sit next to Adora on the couch to chat until then.

☂ ☂

Some time passed, and the boys still hadn't arrived. I look at the time again and see that it's 9:46. I try not to think the worst and choose to believe they would be here soon.

☂ ☂

I sigh deeply at seeing what time it is: 11:14. I try to ignore Adora's pitying look and get up from the couch. I suppress the tears once again. I am tired of crying. And more than ever, I realize that they don't deserve my tears.

"Cassandra..." Adora calls me, and I look at her. "I'm sure there's an explanation for this. Something must have happened at the company, and they couldn't let us know." I shake my head.

Something inside me told me that wasn't it, and I decided to trust my intuition.

"Adora, can you take me to the dorm?," I ask softly. "I don't think I'll have the courage to go alone," I weakly smile, and she nods.

"Of course, my love. Of course..." ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The car journey lasted less than I wished. My mind was constantly clouded by memories, anxiety making the painful memories hurt twice as much. I laughed in disbelief. I wondered what I had done wrong to deserve this.

"Thank you for bringing me," I look at Adora. "And thank you for always being by my side in difficult times. If I felt supported and loved, be sure that it's all because of you. You're an amazing person, Adora, and I hope you know that." she smiles.

"Regardless of what happens there, remember that you are enough. Not for them, but for yourself. Don't belittle yourself for them, Cassie, and don't let the love you feel for them speak louder than your self-love. If you survived two hellish months without their presence, be sure that you can live your life and be immensely happy in the future without them. I guarantee you that," I feel her hand squeezing mine for comfort, and I smile. "I'll be waiting for you here," I nod.

I get out of the car, feeling Adora's words take effect. I walk bravely towards the towering building, ignoring every feeling of nostalgia trying to invade me. I couldn't lose focus now.

Arriving on their dorm's floor, I feel my heart skip a beat. I pause for a moment and try to put my thoughts and feelings in order. Seeing no result, I lean against the wall and try in every way to avoid a panic attack that was about to come. As if it were a heavenly help, I feel my phone vibrate. With trembling hands, I pick it up and see a message from Adora.

"Don't forget, you are strong and capable. And never for a moment think you are alone, because I'm here for you."

I clutch my phone tightly. Adora is right. I am strong and I am capable. I can do this because regardless of what happens, I will be okay.

I take a deep breath, gathering all the strength and courage from my being, and knock on the door. I freeze when I realize what I've done, but I quickly compose myself. I will be okay.

A few seconds passed and no one answered, so I knocked again. But just like the first time, there was no response. After the third attempt, I decide to enter. Typing the password on the door, I entered the dormitory.

Upon realizing that there was no one in the main hall, the pounding of my heart calmed down. I begin to walk through the dormitory, recalling every good moment I had with my boys. I feel the sadness emanating in my chest once again.

I really didn't want to lose them.

As I walked down the corridor, I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I started walking with firm steps, but I felt my legs waver when I heard a female voice among their voices. It was her.

"Jungkook-oppa, you're so silly," I hear her delicate laughter, feeling jealousy burning in my chest.

It should be me there.

"The silly you love," I hear Jungkook reply.

I could hear the happiness in his voice. It was as if they didn't need anyone else at the moment but her. And that made me hate her, but my own mind scolded me. She is not worthy of my hatred. She is as innocent as I am in this story. She did nothing to hurt me, so why would I hate her?

"Hinnie," I hear Hoseok's voice.

Hinnie...

"Try it and tell me what you think."

There was a moment of pause until applause and sounds of appreciation were made.

"It's amazing, oppa," she says. "You really keep improving in the kitchen every day."

Unable to bear it anymore, I think of simply turning around and leaving, but something catches my attention. And it was precisely there, in that moment, that I regretted staying.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" I hear Taehyung say, and I feel my body tremble.

Once again, there was a pause until someone shouted.

"Shit, really," Jimin said. "We forgot to take the drinks out of the freezer."

I feel my heart break, as if that were possible. I let out a disbelieving laugh and finally come out from where I was hiding.

"And try more of this," Hoseok suddenly stops. "Cassie..."

I hear the sound of something falling to the ground. Soon, everyone was staring at me wide-eyed. I repress the urge to laugh. I realize how messy my whole body was the moment I wanted to laugh and not cry.

"Oh no," Jimin says, as if remembering something. "The party."

With that said, everyone becomes even more desperate. Seeing them approaching, I panic.

"Don't come near,"

They quickly stop. I see them not knowing what to do. And it wasn't just them. I end up getting disoriented with so much pressure. Where did my courage go when I needed it most?

"Um... what's going on?" she asks, and I close my eyes.

It's not her fault. It's not her fault...

"Ji-Hye, could you leave us alone for a moment?" Namjoon asks.

"Yes, of course. It's time for me to leave anyway," she gets up. "I'll see you later," she says bowing both to them and to me.

After she left, silence hung in the air. I tried to hold back my laughter, but when I saw everyone's confused faces, I knew I had failed. When I noticed that no one was going to say anything, I took the initiative.

"Do you know what's more disappointing? It's that I really thought this time would be different," I shrug. "I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"Cas..."

"Do you remember when you asked me if I had something to say, Jinnie? If something was hurting me? Well, I do, and I hope I won't be interrupted."

With no response, I continue.

"I feel like I died. It's been a while since I am just surviving," I start. "The fact that you didn't come to the visitation isn't the part that hurts the most, it's that you weren't there when my father passed away. I remember how desperate I was, and the only people I could think of were you. But you weren't there. Damn, you didn't even call." I whisper as tears fall freely down my face. "When I found myself alone in the hospital, realizing that the person who adopted me and chose me to love had died, that was my first death. The person who loved me, who looked beyond language or race barriers, and who taught me everything I know had suddenly left, without even giving me a chance to say goodbye. Do you know how I felt? Devastated."

I pause for a moment. Melancholy takes over my body as I recall all the feelings I felt that day, and for a moment, I allow myself to cry all I needed. I sob so much that I thought I might choke. Without caring about looks or pity, I just allowed myself, knowing that everything would be okay.

"When I called the only people I thought I could count on, and they told me they were coming, I didn't feel so alone," I let out a humorless laugh. "Until I realized that those people never arrived. The people who always said they would be there for me weren't there when I needed them the most. That was my second death," I look at Jin. "Don't say these things to anybody if they are not coming from your heart. Don't hurt anyone else by saying you have their backs or that you will always be there for them when in reality it's not the truth."

I look at each one. Their gazes were distant, as if they were reliving every moment.

"You know, I don't want you to think I'm mad at Park Ji-Hye. Actually, quite the opposite. I was really happy when you said you met someone nice. Someone who really cared about you and genuinely wanted your friendships. I know how tough it is for you to find real friendships with all the fame, so I felt fulfilled too. I remember telling daddy excitedly, and he laughed at my excitement, happy for you and for me. Right after that, I lost him, and little by little, I lost you too, like I was meant to be alone," I smile weakly. "I am sorry if I'm being selfish, but that's how I feel. You guys forgot my birthday. Forgot the visitation days, and to top it off, you forgot my graduation party. It's like you replaced me as if I never even existed in your lives, and that really hurts. Really.''

I finish, and only then I realize they were crying with me. Some didn't have the courage to meet my gaze. We spent a few minutes without anyone saying anything. The only thing filling the air was the sound of our sniffles and sobs.

"On the day your father died," Namjoon begins. "We felt like we had lost a family member because he was, in fact, one. I am truly sorry, Cas, but for me, Park Ji-Hye's fall was an escape. I didn't want to face reality. I wouldn't know how to react to the loss of someone so special, and I also wouldn't know how to act with you," he looks at me.

"On your birthday, we thought you would like to be alone. It would be the first without your father, so we didn't know what to do, Cassie. We panicked," Jimin sighs. "But now I realize how you felt," he laughs humorlessly. "My God, I never thought I'd be such a horrible friend. What a disappointment," he whispers, covering his face with his hand.

"On visitation days," I look at Hoseok. "I confess that I clung to any opportunity not to go, Cas," he cries. "Not because I didn't love you. I love you, and I love you very much, but I never knew how to react to death. The only two times I entered a cemetery, I spent the rest of the week feeling bad, with depressive thoughts. I also couldn't let Armys worry. I didn't want their 'Sun' to lose its brightness. I am so sorry for not being able to tell you this before. I didn't want to seem selfish."

I suppress a disbelieving laugh.

"Hearing all this, I realize how futile our apologies seem," Yoongi laughs weakly. "But they are true, Cassie... I understand what Hoseok says. You know about my history with depression, don't you?" he asks, and I nod. "It's the same thing for me. If I enter a cemetery, my thoughts don't stop. Some come in a worse form, and I feel like I'm going crazy."

"We were selfish, Cas," Seokjin says. "I was. I didn't want Armys to see us sad because I knew the chaos it would be. I have no words to express how special you are to me," he pauses. "Cassie, you are my sister, my family. You weren't crying alone; I cried with you. I just couldn't show it. I knew it would be worse if I saw you cry, just like I am seeing now."

There was a moment of silence. Until his voice broke.

"I am sorry," Taehyung says. "Damn, I don't even know what to say, Cassie. You are one of the most precious people I have ever met. I remember how you stayed with us through thick and thin. I also remember how happy you were for us at the beginning, and I know the genuine happiness you felt when we received our first award. You stood by my side when my grandma passed away. How could I not be by your side too? My God," he puts his hand on his head in an act of despair. "You stayed by our side when we thought about disbanding. It was you who helped us see why we are here, who helped us find reasons to stay," he looks at me anxiously. "How could I be so selfish?"

"We thought that regardless of anything, you would always be by our side. That you would understand us, even with our deplorable attitudes. We always thought we would have you next to us, so we neglected you," Yoongi shakes his head. I feel like he answered more to Taehyung than to me. "Damn, anjinho, I'm sorry," I lower my head as I hear him call me by the nickname I loved so much.

"The fact that we started a new friendship also influenced us," Jungkook says. "We were so excited that someone, besides you, wanted a friendship without interest that without realizing it, we put aside the one that had been with us from the beginning," I hear Jungkook say muffled, as his two hands covered his face.

"We don't deserve you, Cassandra. We left you at the most difficult moment of your life, and yet you never stopped loving us," Yoongi pulls his own hair, a habit he always did when he was nervous. "We can't let you leave thinking that we don't care about you because, Cassie, that would be a complete lie. With the stress of the comeback, things only got worse. It was rehearsal, recording, agendas to fulfill, productions, trips, tours. Our minds were a mess, and Park Ji-Hye tried to help us from there. We know she's not the one to blame, and it's not your fault either. It's ours and only ours. I know this will seem like a lame excuse, but I didn't want to let you go thinking that you aren't precious to us. You are Cas. And you always will be."

I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. If before I felt bad, now I feel ten times worse. It seemed like I didn't even know them anymore. The feeling of comfort they made me feel was replaced by anguish. By sadness.

I open my eyes, and for the last time, I look at my boys. I realize that Taehyung understood my gaze.

"Cassie, please... Please don't..." Taehyung starts, but is interrupted by Seokjin.

"Don't you dare say what I think you're going to say."

"But I can't lose her, Hyung. I can't lose her," Taehyung says, crouching down.

I think about going to him, but then I retreat my body. If I do that, I know my heart will weaken, and at the moment, the only person I need to think about is myself.

"I'm sorry, hyung, but I'll be selfish," Namjoon says to Seokjin, and I look at him confused. "I don't know what your decision will be, Cassie. I'll support you, even if you choose to leave without our friendship. But I beg you... Cassandra, I implore you, try to find in yourself a little piece that doesn't want to give up on us. It doesn't have to be now. I want you to heal, and I don't care how long it takes. The only thing I ask is that you don't forget us and don't give up on us. Come back to us when you feel ready. I don't want to lose you, Cas. I..."

"I really hope you find a way to forgive us, Cassie. But understand that if you don't, we'll understand. You, more than anyone else, have every right to hate us," Yoongi says, interrupting Namjoon. "I hope you don't forget about us because, with all my heart, we won't forget about you."

I feel my heart shattering with every tear that falls on their faces. I smile weakly. I will really miss them.

I bow in a sign of respect, and as I return to my normal position, I raise my hand to my heart.

"Thank you, my boys. For all the good moments. You were a very important part of my life, which I will carry forever. I will never forget about all of you," I smile faintly. "How could I forget my first true friendships? My first loves?" I whisper.

I take a breath and smile. A true smile. A smile of gratitude.

"Regardless of what happened, you guys deserve nothing but love and happiness. Don't let anyone say otherwise. Even far away, please remember I will always be cheering for your success. And whenever you feel unloved, remember I love you. Very, very much.'' I can hear their sobs getting stronger. ''Don't think I blame you for what happened; I think I finally understand that life has its ups and downs. People come and unfortunately go," I see Taehyung desperate, trying to find something to say. I look away. I need to be strong. "I hope that every day your friendship with Park Ji-Hye grows, and that you take from all of this a lesson.''

I take a deep breath, looking at them for the last time.

''From the bottom of my heart... I wish you to be immensely happy."

In a gesture, I send thousands of kisses. I see Tae wanting to approach, so I turn around and start walking towards the exit, and this time, I don't cry. I feel the weight of sadness in my chest, but the weight of peace for having put everything I felt out was greater. And for the first time in two months, I believe it when I say that everything will be okay.

49 notes · View notes

diagonal-queen · 1 year

Text

If the BSD boys were my coworkers

♡ characters: Atsushi Nakajima, Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Kunikida Doppo, Ranpo Edogawa, John Steinbeck, Edgar Allan Poe

♡ synopsis: How would these boys be if they were my coworkers?

♡ cw: Swearing, knives, mentions of sexual harassment

note: For clarification I'm a retail assistant at a grocery store. So basically how good are these boys at stocking vegetables and being nice to people? This is extremely self indulgent, which I apologise for. Also apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Atsushi:

Would be so good with helping customers. I'd always be calling after him to get me out of trouble with mean old customers lol

Like me would also be bad with the wrapping machine T-T

Pretty good at his job, not totally brilliant but also not bad. I think it'd be fine if I were left alone with him for a little bit

The kindest coworker I could ask for honestly he'd always be there to help me if I needed his help

Would bring me back a snack or cake from a nearby bakery or cafe from his lunch break <3

Like me, would find it very hard to not just start eating all the fresh fruit while he's stocking it (I kin him a lot guys lmao)

Actually like super duper efficient and we'd be able to get our work done pretty quickly. The last half hour or so of our shifts would be so slow

Would always ask me to be careful if I were using a knife to do something because he's just a sweetie

Dazai:

This dude would be so damn slow when restocking food honestly and it would be infuriating lmao

Wouldn't be very thorough when checking stock so I'd probably be finding a bit of rotten fruit while working :'(

He'd be fun to hang out with in the back though, would definitely flirt on company time and hold the both of us up lol

Would do that thing where you stand behind someone who's trying to reach something in a high shelf and you'd get it for them but also lowkey lean against them. All the time

Would be good at remembering which stock we have and what we don't have though

He would be so good and charismatic with customers, especially old women they'd call him a charming young gentleman and all that stuff

Always forgets to bring his shit (nametag, pen, apron etc.) to work and would probably have to continuously borrow things

The thing with him is that he's legitimately good at all of it but he just chooses to be incompetent just because T-T

Chuuya:

Would be so. fucking. GOOD at this job holy shit.

Super good at wrapping stock and would get the hang of all the machinery and stuff immediately

Would be civil to customers unless they give him shit then he'd give it right back lmaoo

He would definitely also defend me if I was being bullied by Karens or being harassed by male patrons (during the daytime there's my adult male coworkers and then there's me, a small girl who looks like fifteen or some shit. Y'all know I be gettin called 'sweetie' by men four times my age)

Would always be very salty about having to use the step to reach stock on high shelves lol

But he'd also be super good at heaving and lifting heavy stuff like potato sacks which I'd have to get him to do for me because I'm weak

Would look so hot in the work uniform highkey

Like the number one coworker I won't lie

Akutagawa:

Akutagawa has a serious case of resting bitch face, so customers would be too worried to approach him lmao and I'd have to help everyone

He makes up for this by being super duper good at presentation and so I'd never have to go around and organise things because they'd always look pretty lol

Probably uses his ability to help him carry things (but only in the back because that would scare customers)

Despite his fighting talent he would not be able to cut vegetables. He would be so confused with it. Same with the wrapping he wouldn't be able to get it right

Would prefer to wear gloves while working

If Gin ever came in to grab some groceries he'd talk to her for a little (and treat her better than all the other customers T-T)

Actually wouldn't be so bad to talk to while working but he would literally never initiate any conversations or small talk

Focuses so hard while he's working and it's honestly so cute

Kunikida:

He would be both good to work with but also crappy to work with hear me out

He would be great at remembering stock, helping me with customers, and helping me reach stuff on high shelves because at work I'm considered short

But he'd also hound me for being too slow or not stacking stuff correctly

That being said, he would always answer any questions that I'd have and explain things to me in a way that I'd understand :)

Works like a machine. I'd never be able to catch up to him at all (and he would hate that)

Would not want me bringing snacks or drinks to work but like what's he gonna do? Waste perfectly good food? Didn't think so Kunikida >:)

Even if he had a super long shift he'd just never tire and always be buzzing (even if he were tired he'd be great at concealing it)

Let's just be glad that he's not working alongside Dazai

Ranpo:

WOULDN'T GET ANY GODDAMN WORK DONE

I love Ranpo to the moon and back but he'd be the most useless fucking coworker of all time

He wouldn't make lists, he wouldn't grab stock and if I'm LUCKY he'd work out the front of the store. He'd use any excuse to stay in the back and just use the label maker and maybe cut vegetables because of how low effort it is

Would be super fun to hang out with if we have nothing to do though. We would talk so much shit about mean customers we encounter and stuff

He'd also bring sweets to work and let me have some sometimes, but only if I nag him about not doing any work

Would stay in the fridge just to breathe out and see mist come out of his mouth (and would also forget to close the fridge door)

Knows the layout of the whole damn store after walking through it ONE time

In conclusion I'm snitching to Fukuzawa

Steinbeck:

Absolute fucking BEAST. This dude is a farmer so he's able to rotate and complete quality checks at lightning speed

Honestly probably wouldn't need much training if any at all. He'd be the employee of the month on the first day

I feel like I'd have tons of free time at the end of my shifts because he'd just finish all the work so fast

Could use his ability to replenish stock. He could, but he won't. Just because he's a bit of a bitch (and people might not want to eat literal flesh vegetables but y'know)

Hums along to the songs that he knows on the radio while he works

Is good at being civil with customers but if they give him lip he's not gonna be as civil for much longer

Always bantering with our other coworkers and DEFINITELY talking shit about annoying customers in our free time

I mean if I want to not have to do very much work on a certain day I'd hope that I'd be working with John lol

Poe:

Would take a little while to get used to it all, because I feel like he's not the type to memorise a bunch of stuff super fast

Would be overwhelmed by customers and might freeze up on them; I'd have to come in and save him

Otherwise, he might just default to 'I'll go to the back and check for you' so he can escape the situation (same)

Would take pretty long while restocking food because he'd want to make it all look nice lol

He'd be scared of the wrapping machine (it has a hot plate to seal wrapping and he'd be scared of burning himself on it)

Might actually always be miserable because he's not allowed to bring Karl to work and so he'd feel lonely :(

He and I would talk about our niche interests when we're finished and have nothing else to do

I mean he could most definitely be worse. No matter how bad he'd be I'd love him anyway

i will do a girls version of this btw

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanons #bsd fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #bsd atsushi #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd akutagawa #bsd kunikida #bsd ranpo #bsd steinbeck #bsd poe #bsd hcs #headcanons

60 notes · View notes

genericpuff · 1 year

Text

always wanted to make one of those 'day in the life' posts so here u go!

TW/CW: Tattoo needles, mild blood/mentioning of blood

ima be honest with you, sometimes those 'day in the life' reels on tiktok n junk annoy the piss out of me because they seem so disingenuous, but that's honest to god probably just my executive dysfunction being salty because there's no way in HELL i'm gonna be on some 'grind' where i'm getting up at 6 am to make smoothies and do a workout before i have to go to actual work, i can't with that and i struggle to fathom anyone else doing that consistently LMAO (but i know there are and y'all are a different breed, i wouldn't be able to do it LOL)

like i literally get up anywhere between 30-10 minutes before i gotta catch the bus to go to work-

(understand that i can only get away with doing this because the bus stop is LITERALLY RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY HOUSE LMAOOO i could also just as easily walk , work is about 15-20 minutes away, but like... i don't wanna when i could just sleep in for another 15-20 minutes LOL)

most of my mornings consist of battling with myself to get out of bed until the last possible minute and then hoping the bus isn't early so i don't miss it on account of my own executive dysfunction, paired with timmy's because i'm a canadian hoser, buds.

i'm actually pretty hyped though for that apartment move at the start of april because as soon as we've moved, we'll be even CLOSER to my work to the point i won't even have to catch the bus anymore, you can literally see the new place out my work window. watch me find ways to still be late for work LMAO

anyways. i got off kinda easy today because NORMALLY i have to get up earlier as most of the time my appointments start at 1 PM, but I only had one appointment today and we had booked it for 3 so I got to sleep in a bit longer <3 This was the design I had made up for them (a sternum piece):

but then it turned out i had completely neglected the one change they wanted, which was to make the middle flower a lotus flower. thank god for my ipad, having the ability to change up designs on the go was half the reason I bought it ~

easy fix uwu

as for the setup, my tattoo setup is pretty simple, the machine isn't actually ready to go yet but i usually set that up after the stencil is applied to give the stencil time to sit and dry (and i don't like having nothing to do while i wait):

(the actual machine once it's wrapped):

it was a full kitchen in the shop today meaning me, my boss, and my two other coworkers who work in the open area were all working and having a good time. one of my other coworkers wasn't in today but they work in a separate private room so the main area itself was full. sometimes i'll come in and i can tell who was in first based on what's playing on the TV. if it's documentaries or reruns of old comedy shows (like the Office) I know it's my boss, if it's reality TV then I know it's L, and if it's music from Spotify then it's usually my other coworker S.

It was S today :' )

here's the actual stencil on the skin! my client is an old pal who i've tattooed a couple times and was thankfully okay with me taking pics and posting these ~ (haha, no female presenting nipples here, tumblr!)

as you can probably see I had to take a marker to the tail and redraw it so it would go around the belly button, originally the stencil went right thru it and wouldn't have looked good

but guess what? didn't matter anyways because the fucking stencil wouLDN'T FUCKING STICK. like, as soon as I started working on it, I realized it was gonna be one of those stencils, the kind that wipe away INSTANTLY. I think it was a combination of just the placement (backs and sternums don't tend to hold as well) as well as her skin type (not all skin types hold onto stencils and ink equally) and the fact that it was hotter in the shop than it usually is which amounted to a bit of sweat (esp in the belly area where things tend to be a lot warmer) which resulted in the stencil not holding in the slightest. y'all it was STRESSFUL and even after I tried to re-apply the stencil again as best as I could (with the tattoo already in progress and the old stencil pretty much gone) it STILL wouldn't hold, so I essentially had to bloodline the whole thing (i.e. line it in so lightly and quickly just to get SOMETHING visible in there after the stencil disappeared. half the lines weren't even genuine lines, just the tiniest faintest impressions that mostly consisted of blood, but still better than nothing).

eventually my coworkers had all clocked out for the day so i was the last one standing, meaning I got control over the Spotify >:D

(and played pretty much the exact same music my coworker would have because we have the exact same tastes in music lmao)

so this is where i had to re-stencil because the original stencil i had put on was wiping away like crazy, but then the second stencil ended up being just as shitty. like you can see where i had to put the lines in 'good enough' near the top because even the shoddy stencil redo was GONE as i was working on it, and it created this sort of cyclical problem where i couldn't just not wipe while i worked because that would result in there being ink anywhere so i couldn't see what i was doing... but then i would wipe to clean it up and poof stencil gone. it was a nightmare and stressed me out but big thanks to my client for understanding and trusting the process <3

because even tattoos are allowed to have an ugly stage before they look good ~

all in all i'm pretty happy with how it came out in the end, the process definitely didn't go as smoothly as i had initially hoped and i would have liked to spend more time on the actual lining process in the beginning, but i had to rush that shit. thankfully as soon as that foundation was laid, it gave me time to just go in and tighten up those lines, a lot of this ended up being freehand compared to what i had planned on doing :' )

(the best part is this client has two lil' dermals just an inch or so above the tattoo that the snake's face and tongue line up perfectly with, it's adorable haha)

either way, that was my day at the shop, i was the last one there so it was on me to settle the debit/credit machine, set the alarms and have everything ready for another day tomorrow!

very appropriate music for the last track of the day lmao and our shop pet, Smaug, poked his head out to say hello!

for the most part, a good day! aside from that stupid stencil giving me a hard time, it was still pretty chill, came out to be a 3 hour day, I showed up around 2:30, my appointment started at 3 and we were all done by 5:30, left just in time to go pick up some sushi takeout and catch the next bus home <3

(have I ever shown my face on my Tumblr before??? if not, here's me!)

My job's pretty cool. Still have to deal with a lot of "typical bullshit" esp when it comes to communicating with clients and setting up appointments as well as tattoo-unique bullshit like dealing with squirmers or crappy stencils or not being able to have a social life without people pestering me for free work, but it's the best job I could ever ask for especially in this particular location. The husband and wife duo who run the place are super sweet but have their shit together well, they run a tight ship and it means I don't have anything to worry about besides setting up my appointments and tattooing. It took a lot of fighting over the course of years to finally end up in a comfortable place, and many times I almost gave up, but it was worth it because now I'm in a great place that pays well and I get to do what I love.

But I'm still pretty eager to get home most days lol So I grabbed my sushi, caught the bus, and made it home.

It was about 6:25 when I landed and because of Daylight Savings, it's still very light out. It does so much for my mental health to leave work and have it still be sunny, the ✨ seasonal depression ✨ is gone and all I have to worry about now is ✨ regular depression ✨ And it's gonna be even better once we move to the new place because it's on a ground floor and has windows aplenty, loads of natural light (compared to the gross basement we live in rn).

But until then, this is what I come home to (～￣▽￣)～

I will now spend the next 6-8 hours playing FF XIV, watching my shows, and working on Rekindled and Time Gate, pretty much all at the same time or at least jumping between. Usually I'll have something playing on rerun on the TV in the background (so something I don't have to pay attention to, like reruns of the Office or Bob's Burgers or w/e I'm feeling that day) and then I'll be listening to music in my headphones or - if I want to engage with something that isn't a rerun - I'll put on a Youtube video that's easy to listen to and absorb without having to look directly at. Sometimes it's speedrun documentaries, sometimes it's GameGrumps compilations, just depends on what I'm feeling and what shows up in my recommended that day LOL Yes , it might seem 'pointless' to have a show playing in the background while also listening to music, but it's sorta just there as a presence and idk, it brings my ADHD brain comfort lol

If you don't believe me that this is the level of multitasking that I'm at, the other day I made a call to Nintendo Support to help my husband get back into his account and I did it while running dungeons in FF XIV, yaaaaay ADHD! My brain needs constant stimulation to function! ╰（‵□′）╯

(and yes, I'm usually joined by Psuwis - it's Maliseet for 'cat' - who's very needy for my attention as soon as I get home lol)

This is how I spend most of my evenings, and even entire days if I'm not in the shop (and my schedule's pretty flexible, sometimes I'm at the shop 5 days a week, other times I might only work 2 or 3 days, it just depends on how busy my bookings are). My husband is actually probably just getting off work rn so he'll likely be home by the time I'm wrapping up this post lmao

Supper!

I actually worked on Rekindled pretty much all day yesterday, so now the episode's almost done already, it's coming along nicely! I'm hoping to have it done tonight or tomorrow so that I can have it ready for Saturday when I'm away on my trip (and maybe get a headstart on Ep 12 so that we can have a new episode next weekend as well during my apartment move!)

Anyone in my follows play FF XIV? Currently working on my Astrologian, it's pretty fun! You can find me (Pym Thras'rala) in Hyperion if you ever wanna party up sometime!

That's pretty much it! Not really anything super crazy or exciting to show, my life's pretty routine and that's how I like it. A lot of my social life is online nowadays but I do make time to go out and hang out with IRL pals as well. If this were done on a Friday most of what I'd be doing is hanging out down at the bar with pals LMAO

So yeah! hope you enjoyed this lil' self-indulgent "talk about myself for 20 minutes" post （￣︶￣）↗　If anything I hope it offers some kind of solidarity to the other pals out there who need 27390572309 forms of stimulation to get through the day LMAO

(also not recommending anyone live the way i do, my back hurts, my sleep schedule is fucked and my brain is fried（*゜ー゜*）let's all hold each other accountable and remember to check our postures, stand up and stretch every hour, and stay hydrated <3 ).

#lore rekindled #lore rekindled comic #day in the life #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #about me post #about me

34 notes · View notes

boxwinebaddie · 3 months

Note

was your day today better than yesterday?

hi, friend!

i know you sent this a while ago, but i wanted to wait until i had a better day to answer this. <3

also yes...i know it sounds weird that today was a better day, considering i had that salty ass anon polluting the beautiful vibe palace of my ask box!

if you are reading this: choke :)

but, actually, bc i had such a foul morning and almost cried, lmao! i decided to engage in the uncle nina special ( it was pay day the other day, i was stooooked ) which is putting on my silly little outfit, doing my makeup, hitting the thrift store, getting revolving sushi, getting second dinner bc i ate everyone at the kareoke bar and then going home to hang out with my cat-daughter...while answering my asks.

i feel like everyone has something they do to cheer themselves up when they have a bad day; thats mine.

ALSO SPEAKING OF THE SUSHI PLACE. OOOOOUGH MY GOD!!!! EVERYONE MY WAITRESS WAS CRAZY DUMMY STUPID FINE!!!!!!

like oh my GODDDdDDDDDdd!!!

also...i think she was hitting on me?

which, normally, i would say Absolutely Not, but the lesbian pride flag pin was pinned to her apron, she complimented my eye makeup, checked on me several times and touched my shoulder...Five Times.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! anyways, um, uncle nina did not have enough liquid courage at that point to leave my phone number, so i fucking babied out and i just left her a really big tip and...drew a silly picture for her on the receipt...girl failure moment.

me x stas x being pathetic gay girls

me x stan x fumbling bad bitches

ONE THING ABOUT ME IS I WILL ALWAYS FUMBLE AND BUMBLE A BAD BITCH LIKE WHAT IS WROOOONG WITH ME!!!!

no one ask me about the also crazy bad girl whose number i got at the airport, i also fumbled that...LIKE THE L OF CRAZY FINE GIRLS BEING ATTRACTED TO MY IDIOT GIRL ENERGY AND THEN ME FUMBLING????? LIKE GOD I HOPE I DIE

i am...at that sushi place a lot tho...so i will keep y'all updated. but also the day i get a scary wendy testaburger girlfriend, you will never see me again, i'm so sorry...she's gonna get my life in order.

anyways! doing better today! having a much better night than my morning and having a much better day than that day. ilysm.

-uncle nina, girl failure ceo

p.s. when 3OH!3 said there's so many fine women that my head is spinnin...yeah...Yeah

#girl fail uncle nina nation who is up #me all night thinking abt th bad bitch i fumbled and bumbled #viv please call me i need u #KHDLKSAHDSADLD #rp close ur eyes its not what it looks like #anyways #thank you for asking sorry this is late #its fashionably late bc i looked cute #I WILL SAY MY OUTFITS DO GO HARD #SO I DO GET BONUS POINTS FOR BEING SLAY ALL THE TIME GIRLS DO COMPLIMENT THE FIT LIKE THANK U BABY KISS ME #i am also pretty or so the legend goes #uncle nina stop fumbling baddies challenge #failed i am so fucking stupid

5 notes · View notes

tojikai · 2 years

Note

A'ight a'ight a'ight

I have just finished reading part V and DAMN, Suguru really went to the point, huh? And Kai, awesome and wonderful job as always!

Suguru is the number one here alongside Shoko because these two are just 🥺

The fact that Suguru held himself back from lunging for Satoru or raising his voice just made me go jxnzksnxjdnud Suguru squad where y'all at 👀?

He made the right choice by going somewhere else before talking to Satoru and telling him about what happened after the breakup between him and poor Y/N and how he delivered the news to him just made me UGH!

And Hoejou, would you please stop? Suguru is right about you having to fucking stop visiting/seeing her because she's not going to be able to heal thanks to your stupid ass. You don't have any valid reasons to visit her because YOU are the very cause of her ending up in the hospital just because you THOUGHT that she fucking hurt Rie at Shoko's birthday party (I'm still salty that her birthday was ruined).

You were with Y/N for 5 fucking years! How in the fuck would you not know that she won't hurt the bitch when she's trying so hard to move on from you poor excuse of an existence?! We all get that you miss her and that you're regretting about the fact that you're the cause of this whole mess alongside that poor excuse of a woman called Rie BUT you have lost all fucking privileges to see her, talk to her, apologise to her and comfort her when you stepped over that fucking line so back the fuck up or I will ask Kento to 7:3 your 6'3 ass, ya hear me?

And, hello? Why in the fuck would you tell Suguru that when you're with somebody fucking else? You have 0 privileges, like... Ze-fucking-ro, ya hear me? Good

Suguru likes Y/N Suguru likes Y/N Suguru likes Y/N Suguru likes Y/N Suguru likes Y/N

It has been confIRMED-

Let's move on to Suguru giving her a tattoo before I bust a nerve just by thinking of this cheating motherfucker...

About the tattoo under the breast, I remember that someone offered that idea and when I read it in the chapter, I was like "OH MY GOD... FUCK YEAH!" because their idea was just *chef kiss* so props to you my friend! Oh and I completely agree with them loving Nanami Kento (best salary man, y'all) mostly with the matching tattoos/their names tattooed on the other's ring fingers bevause that would be very adorable, sweet and 🥺🥺🥺.

I truly respect the fact that Suguru wasn't, still isn't, taking advantage of the fact that Y/N is vulnerable but fuck you Satoru for thinking so lowly of your best friend, like... Fuck you 😒😑😐

I wonder what she chose though (maybe I missed it so pardon me-)...

And oh? Satoru walking in on his best friend that was about to start with the proceedure? With Y/N half naked? Damn, I can already smell drama in the next chapter 👀

Again, thank you for the chapter Kai! Take your time on writing the next one, yeah? Stay safe, stay healthy and stay happy!

RJay

"7:3 your 6'3 ass" 😭 that's definitely how nanami feels about gojo in canon LMAOO but yeah, whenever i think about how satoru thought that yn could physically hurt his new gf, i just feel so sad :(( like imagine how yn must've felt, someone who loved you for years, not only accused you of something they know you wouldn't do but also takes their new partner's side without hearing yours first :'(( it was good that shoko and suguru were there to help her get through all of it. it helped a lot, especially with her parents being absent and all, she wouldn't really have someone else to lean on. and yn's tattoo, i imagined it to be like this when its done :> Satoru probably thought they were on to something else when he opened the door LMAO anyways, thank you so much for this, rjay !!🥺💕please stay safe, healthy and happy as well~ i hope your week is going smoothly !! <33

#🍭—kaitalks #f: permanent mark

14 notes · View notes

briinstardust · 3 years

Note

Does buck finding out secret set off buck begins or does he/us find it during buck begins?

ehhhhh I do not know. I honestly do not know. I kind of feel like from what we know about the season and what we know about the season, I kind of feel like we’ll get the secret at the end of 4.01, and that’s the thing that Buck’s ruminating on “divulging into his past” or whatever the fuck the synopsis said, I don’t fucking remember lmao

honestly, I think that’s what the secret is, but I have been known to be wrong before lmao. so this could very well be the thing that sets off Buck Begins. also I think it might be weird to find out the secret during Buck begins, depending on how they decide to film it. I really wanted Buck Begins to be like Bobby Begins Again, where we’re just there for the whole episode, but it doesn’t sound like we’re gonna get that, but idk for sure you know.

But I think that it’s also possible we get the secret during Buck Begins, I mean it will be a series of Flashbacks, so it could easily fit right in with that. honestly tho, I’m really not sure how they’re planning on doing any of that tho you know. I think more likely the secret will either be given to us at the beginning of Buck Begins or it will be given to us at the end of 4.01 and be the thing that synopsis mentioned.

#Bri Screams #anon #9-1-1 speculations #9-1-1 spoilers #911 spoilers #I said fuck a lot in here and like sorry I get loose lips after being up for 48 hours straight lmao #but also y'all know I swear like a fucking sailor over here so y'all know what the fuck to expect from me at this point lmao #but fr I was kind of hoping it'd be an all in episode for the whole time but I will take my flashbacks and be happy lmao #also trying real hard not to ruminate on the fact that Bobby's already got two begins episodes and Buck hasn't got his yet #I know he's getting his now but I'm just salty a little ugh Bobby

2 notes · View notes

khaleesiofalicante · 2 years

Note

exhausted but wanna read

7 04 am have not slept need to go somewhere at 9

fuckkkk okay let's read

one day since Magnus left?

alec love calm tf down

still mad at you for how you reacted to shinyun so like sit the fuck down I am sleep deprived and tired I will not be holding back today

sigh checking his tabs was already crossing a line

dude ffs calm down

idk I'm tired so I'm extra salty. gonna try and be nicer

stop fucking smoking or I'm taking away your lungs

I'm sure I can get a nice price for them

dude this is called obsession <3

listen, love Magnus already has a lot on his plate with his asshole father so like calm tf down and oh my god

God, Alec is fucking spiraling. He is fucking losing his mind.

yes, I can tell. get a grip lightwood

oh wow okay then. if he chooses to leave then he leaves end of conversation

yeah don't drive in the rain

this one time when I was younger we were on the highway I think going to the neighbouring city? and it was fucking pouring and I started crying because I was terrified.

He knows he is being dramatic. He knows he went a little far earlier with Shinyun.

YES BITCH

oh wow, now we're both spiralling about the divorce great!

"You need to get your shit together," she had told with a chuckle when they had parted that day.

Maia knows what she's talking about!

gasp

omg so cute the little note

MAGNUS FUCK THAT IS SO ROMANTIC

HE READ AND ANNOTATED THE BOOK FOR HIM I COULD CRY

Magnus weren't you in London-

well hello

I am sad

why is he sad

oh wait I remember why he's sad

Magnus poor baby come here lemme hug you

oof yeah been there shit hurts

omg he's kissing his fingers

FUCK OMG THEM

NO HE'S CRYING NOW IM GOING TO CRY

oh shit

I'm so sad wtf

oh that's why he didn't want rafe to paint his nails yellow

oh fuck

I don't know what to say

“What my mom did,” Magnus elaborates. “Why do people do it?”

okay ouch this hit hard

sometimes all we can do is be there for them and hold them through it and hope that's enough.

YOU? HARD TO LOVE? LIES!

“You are not hard to love,” Alec tells him. “Loving you is the easiest goddamn fucking thing in the world.”

YES SO TRUE! MAGNUS YOU BEAUTIFUL LOVEABLE IDIOT! WE LOVE YOU!

He’ll never let Magnus cry again.

This hurts because he does...

OKAY THE MIDDLE!

I genuinely didnt want the starting to end :(

Thomas hello

you don't have shared assets? any at all?

oof

I am not understanding half of the shit going on but okay

cool legal shit nice

He is a fucking weirdo.

Alec loves him so much.

Me too dude

Not after what happened.

Elaborate

“Nope,” Alec shakes his head. “It turns out he kept it. You know, it’s fine. Who doesn’t have a secret apartment you can run away to when you are mad at your husband, right?”

Uh babe-

Cool cool cool

I have no clue what those British insults mean and I almost messaged a person asking what they meant because this was our thing when I remembered she's a lying piece of shit who gave us all trauma then moved on with her life

nice

what was the cost? what did you do?

Tf is rational choice theory

sounds disgusting

aww they're so cute

“I think we just put a shirtless pic of you on Twitter and say single and ready to mingle,” Lily points out.

Bitch do it

SHIT IS MAGNUS SLEEPING IN HIS BED???

Also eat something you little bitch /affectionate

what the fuck are they doing lmao y'all're so awkward

OMG HE ASKED BEFORE COMING IN FUCK MY LIFE

y'all are so so awkward

uh Magnus I'm pretty sure alec didn't send those

sigh. shinyun

if someone sent me sunflowers I would have a panic attack no matter who sent them but that's my own trauma let's not focus on that

okay someone is fucking with them

and it's Max, isn't it?

I'm so confused

KNEW IT WAS MAX!

Rafael had explained that celebrity endorsements are a capitalist marketing technique and Max told him to go to hell.

I snorted

OOF THAT'S THE DRUNKEN RANT?

oh damn

I AM SORRY BUT I SCREAMED

THIS CHILD IS UNHINGED AND I LOVE HIM FOR IT

probably should not be laughing but I have not slept and this shit is hilarious to me for some reason

I wanna hug him

“Tell me how it stops,” Max says. “Tell me how you can just wake up one day and be like I’m done loving this person.”

I don't think you can just stop all of a sudden. It happens. You fall out of love and you don't always see it coming but I don't think it's a sudden thing. You see it happening and sometimes you try your best to make it stop and other times you don't.

ALRIGHT IM GETTING TOO WORKED UP AT 7 58AM

Sometimes love isn't enough.

where did it get you guys?

don't say ambiguous shit oh my goddd

“I’m never ever going to fall in love,” Max says like it’s a serious announcement. “Love is such fucking bullshit.”

It makes Alec smile. “Let’s not turn into a cliché.”

I know this is sad but I laughed-

END!

Okay, what plan? Don't remember how the last chapter ended so like

wait

MAX'S POV????

People are more likely to go through heartbreak than get an STD.

okay accurate

There isn't one way to love though. Everyone loves differently

No wonder this world is a giant clusterfuck.

SO TRUE BABE!

You can't control that though. You can't control falling in love

It hurts but we somehow come across on the other side. Most of the times

Who tf is hot stuff

TRU DAY!!!

"Kadir, my man," Max grins. "On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 getting grounded and 10 getting disowned, how much trouble would I get in if I try to kiss the Prime Minister?"

"Solid eight," Kadir replies without looking up. "Still going kiss the Prime Minister?"

"Mr. Safar," Max drawls. "I've dealt with worse odds than this."

Max please don't kiss the Prime Minister

“I’m sure by the end of tomorrow, we’ll be calling each other pet names,” Max winks. “What do you think about bubblebutt? I think it suits Justin.”

“I don’t get paid enough for this,”

Max NO-

GABRIELLL

Ohhh Magnus owns it? Nice

“Your parents would trade you for a ripe avocado.”

I WHEEZED

UNLESS BELLA HADID ASKS LMAO MAX

“I think so,” Max shrugs. “I mean. Is anyone okay?”

“Too deep,” Gabriel shakes their head.

No Max we are not

“The ideal outfit is nothing,” Gabriel points out. “I’d just walk in their buck naked.”

These two are made for each other

Max babe you have a type :)

SELENA??

WHAT'S WRONG??

RAFE??

DAVID???

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

aww you're in love

IMPORTED FROM FRANCE BYE-

FUCK IT'S THAT BOY??

KILL HIM DAVID

KILL HIM I'LL HELP WITH THE BODY

Kyle, I'll stab you in the eye

Max and he have a history?

Max you-

Oh god I love him

“My hand slipped and fell on his face,” Max informs.

Me likey

Do it again

oh no they're both mad at him

well fuck

oh damn David

also totally deserved

HEY NO HE DESERVES TO MEET HOT TRUDEAU

Although I don't see the appeal at all

WHAT THE FUCK IS ACTIVE OPERATION LITTLE PRINCE

I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH THEIR FRIENDSHIP

be careful there love. water is no joke.

DAVID JUST-

Oh my

OH MY GOD THEY'RE KISSING

max really did that huh when they were 11-

Oh my god they kissed

Oh my god them them them them them

I learned how to throw a punch when I was 11. Maybe that was fucked up but like I throw good punches.

oh my god my heart broke

Tell him you love him

SAY IT BITCH

realises my phone is in the other room and I should go get it because it's 8 30 am and I need to leave at 9:

My mother bingeing a show while also not having slept:

Me:

Her:

Me: Don't you dare tell me to not stay up late fangirling over something again

OKAY ANYWAY YOU BOTH KISS

TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM

OH MY GOD THEY ARE KISSING AGAIN

FUCK FUCK FUCK

LOML

Yeah sure y'all should definitely fuck

wait omg David said this because Max is only interested in one-night stands and fuckkk

DAVID YOU SWEET LITTLE-

GET HERE

why is he crying omg omg omg what

DAVID YOU SEXY LITTLE SHIT WHO MADE YOU INSECURE I JUST NEED TO TALK

I would fucking die for you

Max wonders if it’s a good idea to confess that he has jerked off just to the thought of David’s fingers.

At least a dozen times.

In the last month.

No it really isn't.

what is happening dude y'all

“Yeah, that’s me,” Max rolls his eyes. “Deflowering expert.”

Y'all I love you

Which makes sense because that bitch moisturizes like thrice a day and his body lotion is probably made out of unicorn fur and his cleanser is made of tears of newborn babies.

FUCKING SNORTED

Thanks, dad! You make sex life so interesting!

LMAO I LOVE THIS

I love them so much

Oh shit he's reading the entire thing boy-

David carried an inhaler for him I-

KILL ME NOW

schools should really really teach us how to deal with grief. But isn't it the same as with love? You can't be taught some things. Some things you just gotta experience, things you can't prepare for.

MAX WAS DAVID'S FIRST KISS I COULD CRY

Max bouta break every single one of those rules with David I know it.

IM SORRY BLOOD??

Ofc Mallory

I CHOKED ON MY SPIT SIR IT IS 8 46AM I LEAVE IN ABOUT HALF AN HOUR I NEED TO START PACKING-

oh he was joking

You won't have to live without it.

He is ruined now, like one of those victorian ladies who have sex before marriage.

This made me laugh way too much

Im sad now he's leaving

ALEC IS SAVED AS "Hitler" SAHUUHDSUHFD

oof that anticipation

AYYY THEY'RE NOW FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

Loved this so so much <3

The unnecessary stress you put yourself through omg 😂😂

This is Max (and us)

#tlnd

7 notes · View notes

satorihub · 4 years

Note

hey bestie 😌💅🏻 i was wondering if u could do some hcs for tsukishima, kuroo and asahi where they have a gf who is very artsy and good w paintings ??? thank u ily

𝖆𝖗𝖎'𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊: hi bestie ✨✨😼 omg this is my first request so I hope it isn't bad 😔

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘: tetsurou kuroo, kei tsukishima, azumane asahi

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 1192

𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: fem!reader, fluff

KUROO, TSUKISHIMA & ASAHI WITH A PAINTER S/O

𝖙𝖊𝖙𝖘𝖚𝖗𝖔𝖚 𝖐𝖚𝖗𝖔𝖔 ⋆

─ ok so he doesn't know at first

─ but don't think he doesn't cares! he does, really, but yk, he's almost finishing high school and finals are tougher 😔😔

─ so I hc that kuroo really likes study dates, bc: 1. he's studying (probably chemistry, ew) what is something he likes; 2. he's with u!! that is someone he likes. so boom! win-win for tetsu 😌

─ so one day u had a really hard chemistry homework, but u reminded of your chemistry genius bf, tetsurou kuroo himself

─ so u decided to text him:

"hey babe, I got a big chemistry hw today. can u come over?"

─ but that day u were feeling inspired and decided painting meanwhile kuroo wasn't there

─ when he saw the message u sent him, he was happy! he likes helping u and kenma with school stuff, and he also likes challenging things yk. so hard homework? kuroo will NOT hesitate 😼😼

─ so the practice finished and he went to your house, he decided to take a shower on your place as well

─ he rang the bell and waited some seconds until he saw, you, with some paint in your cheeks

⋆

"what's this?", he asked pointing to your left cheek.

"what's what?", you replied, confused.

he used his thumb to swipe the paint and some of it stayed on his finger.

"this", he spoke, showing you his finger with a little bit of paint on it. "why is your face covered with paint?"

"oh", you finally realized what was happening. "I was inspired today, so I decided to paint", you explained. "wanna see it?", you asked.

⋆

─ if he wants to see it?? OF COURSE HE DOES! 🤩

─ and once he sees your paintings, bruh, he feels like he fell in love with u again

─ he thinks is so cool! he asks things like "when did u start painting?", "do u think is hard?", "can i buy one of these??"

─ like, kuroo, chill 💀💀

─ he probably says something like "i want u to paint me like one of your french girls ✨" and u are like "WHY are u such a DORK? but yea, sure babe"

─ he 👏🏼 brags 👏🏼 about 👏🏼 it 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 team 👏🏼

─ kuroo: DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT-- kenma: kuroo, if you're going to talk about the fact that your s/o is an artist, yes, we do know. kuroo: b-but, guys- 😿

─ coach nekomata is also full of kuroo simping for u lmao

─ he just can't help it!! he loves u

─ anyways, kuroo is your number 1 simp AND supporter ✨✨💅🏼

𝖐𝖊𝖎 𝖙𝖘𝖚𝖐𝖎𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖒𝖆 ⋆

─ kei knows about it already, but he doesn't do anything about it lol

─ he's a very observant guy, so even before you two started dating he knew that you were into artistic stuff

─ he first noticed it when u guys went on a date and you had a paint brush behind your ear and didn't even realize it was there ??? like bruh

─ he's going to pretend like he doesn't care or something, but he just want to keep his salty boy reputation even if u both are dating

─ but once u decide to give him a little painting with some dinosaurs (on his bday or valentines day), u can slightly see him blushing

─ he'll pretend he didn't blush and will compliment u in a ✨ tsukki way ✨

⋆

"you know", he said as he slid his slender fingers though the details of one of the dinosaurs. "you could tell me where you brought this because-"

"tsukki!", you exclaimed.

"ok, ok, I was just messing with you" he spoke as he laughed softly. "thank you, brat. it means a lot", then he looked at you with a genuine smile on his face.

⋆

─ the painting is now on his room, in a place where he can easily see it, doesn't matter the angle

─ once akiteru sees it in his room, he's like "👀 what is this kei?"

─ tsukki will probably just murmur a 'tch' and ignore him LMAOAOAO 😭😭💀

─ yamaguchi also sees it, but instead of asking anything he grabs it and says "did y/n do this?? that's amazing, tsukki!"

─ he'll just reply with "shut up, yamaguchi", and yams reply with "GOMEN TSUKKI !!✨" (yes this is a yamaguchi tadashi lovebot)

─ but, he won't tell, but his ego boosts when someone says that you're talented

─ bc he thinks "hey, that's my s/o. I have an talented and amazing girlfriend, I'm so lucky"

─ he also loves rating your art!! if he could he would give all them a 10/10, but he needs to be realistic for u to improve

─ when he's at your place and u are painting or just sketching, he will make u listen to lo-fi, bc he thinks that it will make your art look prettier (even if he thinks your paintings are the prettiest thing that he ever saw)

𝖆𝖟𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖊 𝖆𝖘𝖆𝖍𝖎 ⋆

─ babyboy asahi knows it bc u slipped about it once before u two started dating

─ u two had a project for school and decided to meet in the library

─ so asahi waited for u for 30 minutes and then he sees u opening the door with clothes with a little bit of white paint

⋆

"sorry, asahi-san!", you apologized. "I was so focused on my painting that I forgot about our meeting"

"oh...", he doesn't really know what to say. actually, you're not that late, and you both still have time to do the project.

"don't worry, y/n, is not a big deal", he tries calming you.

⋆

─ he doesn't bring up that until later bc there was a ✨ silence ✨ between u two and he decided to say someting

⋆

"so, y/n", he starts, nervous. "I didn't knew that you were into arts."

"oh yeah, I am!", you answered happily. "I mean, I know I'm not the best painter in the world but, it still makes me happy, you know?"

"yeah, I know", he says while he admires your excited expression. maybe it was in that moment that he fell in love with you.

⋆

─ after y'all started dating, he will always but you new materials and other stuff

─ he can't help it, u seem so happy with what you're doing and he loves to see your smile (and your works, ofc)

─ if u want to kill him make him flustered, ask him stuff like "hey, asahi, would you mind being my inspiration for a new work?" PLSS I CAN SEE HIM DYING RN 😭😭

─ asahi isn't that impressed with your works, and it isn't because he thinks it's bad or simple, no, it's because he knows you're amazing and talented 😌😌

─ if u start selling your art, well too bad for asahi, bc he will buy everying

─ you: asahi u don't have to- asahi: YES I DO !! u can have all my money just take it 😭

─ in asahi's pov, you = leonardo da vinci

333 notes · View notes

hanjo-love · 3 years

Note

Now I became selfish and I hope the shard is showing Hanji being saved by Kiyomi or something. She go the worst treatment and if Isayama was afraid of the backslash like you said why make it even worse with those parallels with eremika? Is he preparing the Fandom for another levihan moment? I'm tired of EVERYONE surviving but her, Kiyomi's kindness really??? And Onyankopon, while I don't hate him, he survived a plane crash and he doesn't add much yet he is there for being the editor's favorite, Yelena is there after all she did and she adds even less, and the people titanized will revert to human (or at the very least Isayama's favorites will).

Oh anonie, you and me both my friend, you and me both 😔 Beware, a long rant-ish meta is ahead of you lol

I have absolutely no fucking idea why Yams decided to treat Hanjo like shit. You know, after a long time of denying her death, I was starting to accept it, because she was finally free, free of the burden and pain and finally reunited with the people she missed and longed for the most. But then Yams decided to slap us all in the faces saying there's no happy & peaceful afterlife in snk and Hanjo was probs only hallucinating because of her 4 years long depression? Well then, fuck you Yams! What was that even for? Isayama never backed off of showing us the horrors of death in snk, no matter how important the characters and how brutal their deaths really were. Still, he never showed us Hanji's actual death or dead body. He kept it misterious and his vague answers only made it worse. So it's only natural for us to expect a plot twist, right? That's the reason all of us gathered various hints in the manga, anime and his interviews. And lemme tell you, these theories are far more logical, better explained and have less plot holes than the entire final arc smh (yes I'm salty, fight me lol)

I hate to admit it, my inner self is still in denial and fighting, but Hanjo ain't coming back folks. We won't get any background story and the misterious shard will never be explained to us either. Yams had more than enough time to bring Hanjo back, if he truly wanted to. But he didn't. And now with only one chapter and so many unanswered questions left, there's no time for Hange's return. Why would he even do that anyways? Hanjo isn't important to him or to the story anymore. To us she is, always was and always will be ❤️ You know, I'm so fucking desperate to see her again, I'll even take one last panel of Levi remembering her, just like in ch136. Yams just let us see Hanjo one more fucking time 🙏🏻 I need to say my proper goodbyes to my one&only comfort character, who's influenced my life like no one else ever did ❤️

Back to Levihan (I don't think I can answer an ask without my biased and trashy shipper ass butting in lmfao): the question why Yams confirmed Levihan as canon if he didn't intend to bring Hange back and reunite her with Levi to make us him happy again? Well, isn't it obvious? This man is the devil incarnate. THIS MAN HAS NO FUCKING CHILLS lmfao JK y'all before someone declares war on me and my blog haha Well anonie, I feel like Yams really wanted to confirm his initially planned ships as canon, before the manga ends. And he chose the safest way possible. Easy as that. Also he said he is going for a bittersweet ending and what's more tragic (in this literal hell) than separating lovers, ergo Eremika and Levihan.

Now to something else, that's been bothering me for a while now and I'll use your ask anonie to share my thoughts with the world even though nobody asked lmao tbh I'm a bit disappointed with Armin. I love him, I really do. He's my precious cinnamon roll and my fave 104th kiddo. But honestly, I was expecting a bit more of the alleged "hero who will safe humanity". In fact, I'm sure Hanjo only died for Armin to become the new commander. That's it. That was the reason she had to die. Yams glossed over her to make Armin shine. But in fact, Levi's the one who's giving orders ever since Hange has left them. I might me salty, but I really hope the talk with Zeke (and probs Ymir as well, we still might have a chance to see the dialog that made Ymir change her mind) and his titan nuke weren't the only things he did as "humanity's hero" in this final arc. For some people this might me enough, for me it isn't. It wasn't worth Hange's sacrifice. Also what made me really sad was Armin himself glossing over Hanjo when he remembered Erwin Danchou, but not her. Like she didn't just pass away an hour ago to save their pathetic asses. Ugh this is making me hella mad, ngl. Hanjo didn't deserve this treatment! She gave her all for this! To save the alliance, to "pay the price" for her "sins" as the SC commander and to save humanity. I can't deal with how all of them and the fandom apparently forgot about that.

Now on to "Kiyomi's kindness" lol I wasn't really mad at Gabi for saying this as most of the fandom was. I won't go into detail why she isn't really a rationally thinking character (yo guys, you do remember she's a 12 year old kid, right?), but it's a fact that she didn't care for Hange enough to mention her. I mean, why would she? She barely even knew her. Also we don't really know what's gonna happen with Yelena, Kiyomi and her delegation. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but I feel like Kiyomi accepted her death with saying "that's not enough atonement for what I did anyway". I mean they don't know if the alliance will win (they probably think they won't) and they're in the middle of literally nowhere. So I feel like Gabi said that because Kiyomi sacrificed herself (and the others on that ship) willingly, for Gabi, Falco and Annie getting a little chance of surviving and helping the alliance. But I get the rage of the fandom. Especially because no one, except for Levi, remembered Hange after her noble sacrifice.

As for Yelena and Onyankopon, there obviously has to be someone from outside of Paradis to survive the rumbling, otherwise it wouldn't make a lot of sense, I guess. I like Onyankopon a hecking lot ❤️ precious boi was literally crying for Hanjo 😭 Yelena on the other hand deserves what she got. Death would be too easy and kind for her tbh. She has to live with the consequences, just like Kiyomi, so I'm actually glad they survived. So my guess is, it's not really about who's Yams' favorite and what these people are contributing to the story, but it's rather about a logical ending and a good conclusion of the story.

I agree with you about the ones who have been titanized. They'll for sure revert back to humans. It's not really Yams' style to kill of an important character like Gabi, whose character development he's been forcing on us for quite a while now lol. I'm pretty positive about an ending with the titan curse being broken and bringing the titanized people back to human beings (probs also the millions of colossal titans?). It's only natural for Yams to end the story with the titan curse being lifted. Otherwise it wouldn't make sense to end his story at this point. But let's not forget what a big ass troll Yams is lmao you never really know what he's up to, so let's prepare for the unimaginable lmfao

I'll probably never forgive Isayama for what he did to Hange, his best written character, how he completely ruined her and threw her away as disposable, just to make other characters "shine". HER DEATH WAS POINTLESS AND IT DID NOT FUCKING CHANGE ANYTHING! That's the harsh truth y'all. Yams betrayed Hanjo and us AND FOR WHAT?

Thanks for the ask anonie and sorry I turned this into my personal rant lmao hope you still enjoy reading my thoughts on this ❤️

#anonymous #asks #Hange #Hanji #Hange Zoe #Hanji Zoe #Hans Zoe #Hansi Zoe #Levihan #OTP #Ship #snk #shingeki no kyojin #Hajime Isayama #Holy moly that was a long one haha sorry about that folks 😂#Meta #Snk meta

60 notes · View notes

elriccs · 3 years

Note

thoughts of kacchan besides him being as awesome as you <3

agshdjfgk stOP it chas

@gojjo shin asked the same question so i’m gonna answer u both here (hope that’s okay)

i think he’s a very well built character, like all round

in the course of the show he gets actual development, we get to see him change and despite not acknowledging his past mistakes to midoriya he’s working on atoning for them, change is gradual and slow in real life and i think that’s the case for him too which makes it good in my opinion

also on a personal note he’s very relatable to me, this whole thing of being a “gifted person” then suddenly realizing that no, you’re not as special as you think you are and you have to work hard to get where you want to be, but he deals with it in such a petty\salty way i’m like “yeS” lmao

it’s sort of, his flaws are what makes him very relatable to me which made me like him even more, i’m excited to see what hori sensei will make of him in the future!

can y'all send some asks that are like “thoughts on ______”

#it's nice to relate to a fictional character then sorta see them get better or succeed #am i making this too deep lol?#all in all i love this boi #ask meme #lethes

10 notes · View notes

mallowstep · 3 years

Text

tpons initial/reading thoughts

keeping my "liveblogging" in one place to maintain my mortorium on spoilers

tpons spoilers below the cut. obviously.

prologue

i swear to god if bramblestar comes back and i don't get squirrelstar i might actually seek out the collective representation of erin hunter and kill her

chapter one

bristlefrost.

bristlefrost, can you hear me [1].

jayfeather is under exactly the same stress as alderheart. so either you're implying alder is weak or you're in the "adoption isn't real" camp and i'm neutral on you as a character, i don't want to dislike you.

you know, i thought the scene in mtbnsof where all of thunderclan is like "yeah, let's just exile squirrelflight" [2] was exaggeration, and honestly i spent a long time workshopping it to make sure it felt natural, but apparently i didn't have to do that, because the characters are canonically OK with it!

do y'all want your leader back or bramblestar? (i'm not salty nope not me.) also twigbranch the fuck do you mean "it would be wonderful if bramblestar came back" like what he barely let you stay in thunderclan stfg.

fuck, i can't tell whether or not sparkpelt is denying lionblaze and jayfeather as squilf's kits, but they're really ruining my good faith in adoption. or just proving my point that it's not about adoption.

does thunderclan care about shadowsight? what is going on i swear did they forget he killed bramble and is responsible for the entire mess right now?

chapter two

shadowsight you did a bad of course they're not hiding how disappointed they are you did a bad my son

lmao it's the reverse of tawnypelt's clan [3], shadowsight is being kidnapped against his will for the tribe. also please can we go back to the tribe but only if it's good

he listed dovewing next to "clan leader" not "clan leader's mate" which implies dovewing has shc's respect which yes i stan

aww siblings being siblings. i miss that from po3. nothing has captured it as well. well, like, the sight.

chapter three

you know, i think part of why i've struggled so much with this arc is because i just don't like any of the pov characters. i don't dislike any of them but i don't like them.

yeah! tree defending rootspring!!!! fuck. good fathers in warriors.

so rootspring calls lionblaze TC deputy which means squirrelstar [4].

god they go, like, ages without caring whose parent is who and suddenly they're covering it all over again but like, in an adoption bad way, and just, fuck you erin hunter [5].

it's good to see lionblaze does care about her, fuck, can we just get some consistency here. (i mean god rootspring he lost his mom too --- i mean, if anyone should know this, your mom was violetshine, posterchild for bad adoption, who fought w twigbranch over adoptive mother shit)

i want a bernie meme like "i am once again asking for adoption to be treated like a legitmate form of family."

chapter four

wait why the fuck is bris faster than windclan their whole thing is being fast

also that moonkitti video about harestar having no personality[6] is painfully real i know nothing about this man

oh huh we were just talking about windclan camp[7]. this is actually pretty similar to the first ever description, right down to bris wondering how people sleep there (they don't.) well, uh, credit where credit is due, good job for sticking to your guns on windclan sleeps outside.

i love how crow and breeze being difficult is just common knowledge.

oh, so crowfeather gets credit for the three? fucking hell man i'm done.

also fuck you crowfeather for victim blaming i will be making a call out post so help me [8]

okay i'm ngl it feels like bris is crushing on lionblaze. i don't think that's supposed to be a thing [9], it just feels like that.

okay okay okay i'm confused in earlier books the great battle was like a well discussed thing. god, avos had that whole the names of the fallen thing. and now, not even a full generation later, and bris doesn't understand the dark forest? (also who's even in the dark forest?)

(oh wait this book is going to answer that. uh for the record, now, squirrelstar/mtbnsof has been fully plotted and will disregard whatever this book says, unless it's good.)

oh wow i guess we're just throwing out the concept of the moonpool why don't we. really, everything i heavily justified/couched in mtbnsof is happening unironically in canon.

mothwing and willowshine god fucking damn. they're prob my fav mentor/apprentice relationship. mistystar's omen stg.

what is it with everyone and bouncing all the fuck around with squirrelflight? like, okay, i'd get it if they doubted her because yeah, i could make a strong argument about clan morality and her actions [10]. but they're so on and off about it i hate it.

shadowsight.

shadowsight, can you hear me.

you're literally saying, "i could solve this, if i had a solution to the problem."

well ig we know who he takes after.

chapter five

what's up with this "darkest thoughts" bullshit come on you're really going to invalidate ivypool like that?

lionblaze really do be going back and forth. can't blame him he's not used to having a character.

also, i really love jayfeather standing up for alderheart [11].

mothwing wtf how're you getting to hell you don't believe in it. how do you have faith in shit. also please stop trashing shadowsight [12]. that said, she's absolutely right, she would be the ideal cat for the job, considering she has warrior training.

jayfeather what the fuck dude why are you suggesting it. although i'm glad at least he acknowledges his connection to squilf. good job. good job for being the one fucking character.

willowshine. willowshine baby no. don't do it. willowshine. willowshine no. don't do it. baby. no. please. i'm crying please don't do it.

"well, Mothwing, I admire everything about you" holy fucking shit what a line that's a line to inspire so much fic [13].

willow please baby no. please. send kestrelwing or something. puddleshine. anyone but you please baby.

damn okay what is with the connection between mothwing and.

no.

no no no no no.

they're killing willowshine.

why.

she's. baby. please no. she's not read. she's too. no. i can't.

ffs moth please stop dissing shadow like this he doesn't deserve this. (also, unrelated, did, uh, did puddleshine name shadowsight for spiresight, a cat he never met and had no connection with? fuck i forgot what happened there.)

you know, out of the med cats, mothwing and jayfeather are the oldest. it's nice to see that dynamic have weight: when jayfeather speaks, people listen. it's been a while since we've had that role of the med cats in thunderclan.

god willow is dead and i'm going to sob.

chapter six

I FUCKING CALLED IT I HATE EVERYTHING

why did they have kill my baby [14]

when did rootspring get fucking responsible this is worse than when i got responsible

also mothwing i'm so sorry.

fuck.

i didn't cry i was too angry and i cried about it last night because i knew it was coming just.

they didn't have to do her dirty like that.

chapter seven

just, before we begin, still sad about this willowshine bs. give me back my baby.

oh gee bristlefrost i wonder why lionblaze can't talk about his mother being taken away

does this mean they're going to acknowledge adoption again? please let this not be me raising my hopes too soon.

also really with all this lionblaze = deputy stuff...i just want squils [15]

oh lionblaze is back on his bullshit again. like, dude. he was instructed to treat ashfur. he was ordered. jesu maria.

uh. spotfur. what the fuck?

okay, first of all, squilf was chosen as deputy, so yes, she does in fact inherit leadership. that's...that's just wrong.

if you want to complain about lionblaze, sure, i hate it as much as you [16]. but squilf?

yes, yes, please give me ivystar [17]. if i can't have squilfstar (and i don't think i can, hence the existence of mtbnsof [18]), please let me have ivypool. (although mousewhisker? who said that lmfao.)

uh, lionblaze? there are so many better choices. i think bristlefrost would do a better job. (that's not an idea please don't give me bristlestar.)

ayyyyy! graystripe! what a man. what a time.

(graystripe and his gd dramatic entrances.)

also it's good to see elders getting the respect they deserve. (wait what what what the fuck happened to him.)

hehe (mtbnsof spoilers) i'm glad at some level that like, i identified key things that need to happen to make the story interesting and compelling, and they're happening. tbc really is picking up with the good writing. i have a lot of thoughts about this, but mostly, like, these books have changed since when i started them, but i'm happy with where they got. also, lmao i'm dying because like, yeah fuck i don't even know, i can't believe both the worst and best parts of mtbnsof have made it into this. god. what a world.

oh thank god lionblaze is stepping down.

hey, uh...is anyone going to follow up with what graystripe was doing? this is getting sus i can't take another thing i just need to trust someone.

chapter eight

i'm still not over willowshine

i. can people decide if dark forest is punishment or. wasn't lionblaze against sending shadowsight? i can't remember shit i should be taking useful notes i have a memory problem xd

aww dovewing mom.

you know i have a quick q: in skyclan & the stranger, leafstar's kits call her mama. but i don't think we've seen any adult cats say that. what's up w that?

oh dovewing i love you but...nah i just love you

that said, uh, can shadowsight's behavior be treated consistently? i don't know something is just bothering me.

oh yeah icewing exists lmao. forgot about that. can this continue like can shadowclan be the new home for wayward souls? they kind of deserve it after all of the villains they've had. and the earliest books kind of implied shadowclan used to do that.

i really, like, okay. cats like icewing are all "durr hurr dark forest very bad" and then others are like "bruh hell is real?"

uh. nope. i hate this implication that the dark forst is poisonous. very bad very bad very bad.

aww tigerstr being a good dad. breaking the cycle. first one [19].

i really, like, why do cats blame shadowsight? he wanted to go? he wanted to be the one? like, wtf?

urgh who wants to be warriorcatsfandommisandry [20] would praise shadow's rule breaking while victim-blaming squilf for the same behavior.

well, uh, ig i'm glad mothwing secretly cares about shadowsight? like, that's kind of fixing her character. kind of.

chapter nine

wow this post is getting long whoops i mean it is all of my notes on a book. usually i condense em into the good stuff.

lmao shadowsight b like "yeah if i die sorry my dad's gonna kill u luv u thanks for coming >3"

seriously mothwing was definitely the cat to choose considering she could 100% fight. also, like, his body is at risk?

you know, i think mothwing is supposed to be having a jayfeather arc here, but it's crippled by the fact that we're not in her head [21].

how many cats are even in the dark forest wasn't this the whole plot of oots that they're all dead?

also, like, i'm glad mothwing is back to herself. i don't even care about the inconsistency i'm happy to have mothwing back.

seriously it's starting to get to me that the knowledge of the great battle is so inconsistent.

okay i like that we've ditched the "darkest thoughts" thing that was kind of stupid

squirrelflight

(i am crying she's here again fuck)

chapter ten

okay yeah valid gotta maintain that tension (altho fuck you erin hunter [5])

huh. i still kinda hate rootspring for basically no reason ngl

you know, i've never questioned this, but how the fuck does moss ball work? moss doesn't work like that god no no no i can't over think it [22].

you know, forbidden romance might be "overdone" but it's worth pointing out that we very rarely get the perspective of the cats in the forbidden romance

lmao what is it with greystripe? like? is everyone in love with him? i'm not being fair to him just...what?

emotional support wife dovewing [23]

i really wish there was a deeper bond between bris, rootspring, and shadow. i appreciate the viewpoints into different clans, but with no meaningful differences in culture, it's just weird because we're used to po3 and avos and stuff where our leads are really close to each other.

willow

willow baby

you know it's occurred to me i've never vocalized my love for willowshine on this blog before now? xd see i don't actually talk about my favorite characters that much. i talk about dovewing the most out of my top 3 (dovewing, jayfeather, willowshine, in no particular order), but they just kind of feel...too personal? because i have really specific reasons to connect with all of them.

dovewing just happens to be for reasons i'm most able to share >3

willow please don't be corrupted

chapter eleven

please i just want to know squilf is okay

bris u fucking idiot we've established the moonpool is deep. don't you remember literally yesterday?

flametail imagery

"drypaws" what a word. interesting ik leopardstar just avoided water, but here bris can't swim. i don't care i'm just happy for some gd culture

okay i've said it before and i've said it again: i draw the line at cat cpr

wait what is daisy doing? fuck was i supposed to read the novellas first? is this what daisy's kin is about? when did daisy leave? did i miss something? what's going on??

okay can we...like, cats who aren't elders trained in the dark forest. this wasn't even a full generation ago. lionblaze. breezepelt. just...guys.

tigerdove...so cute. i love them [23].

where tf are the sisters they got here so fast

like bruh...i liked the sisters but now they're like, clan on demand ghost summoners? i think? idk clearly i'm missing something very important

emotional support wife dovewing

chapter twelve

i see shadowsight and i don't see squirrelflight and i have a complaint

oh uhhh who's snowtuft again?

also i feel like, i feel like i made my point about it being empty

a light in the mist title drop dodoododod

bruh what is ashfur even

oh series one cat xd yeah that checks

look. if they're not in the allegiances, i don't remember them for shit, okay? my series one memory is excellent, it's just that series one cared about thunderclan, and, like, tallstar

squilf squilf squilf squilf squilf if she's not in this chapter i'm going to scream it is 2am bitch

I AM SCREAMING BITCH

chapter thirteen

the scream lengthens

just give me her

at least i get to spend time with willowshine?

wait mapleshade is still alive? i thought someone killed her oop

also uh yeah how did ashfur amass power like, that bitch is an incel he's done nothing but fail to kill three cats and get murdered and go to heaven

are there even enough dark forest cats for that?

rootspring this is a bad idea don't do this haven't you seen horror movies stop being the white chick

sad ghosts r sad sigh

chapter fourteen

when did warriors get all "oh no can't do multiple chapters of the same narrator in a row" please nobody fucking cares that bris is sad i just want to see squirrelflight

lmao bris like "it's illegal to be atheist" bitch i read code of the clans exactly once i know it's dovestar who tried that and the answer was no.

ah, tree. actually mediating, for once.

god, bris...why is firestar's legacy so large? like, fuck, i know why, i just...

also, tree, she said a nobel and true Clan, not the clan. so like, maybe chill out for a moment [24].

hnnnng family drama also i really like that tree loves his wife very good very good

dfskj okay mothwing missing riverclan would be much more impactful if we actually knew what was going on in riverclan. (like, say, if willowshine was a pov in this arc [25]?) also, you know, riverclan has had so many problems with treating cats badly? god, a shadow in riverclan. wait, like, shouldn't mothwing also remember/reflect on this? wait this would be so much better if we had more pov for this fuck

also fuck off bris about being proud you are so fucking priviledged your forbidded romance drama is as intense as like, idek, the notebook? from someone who lived through, uh, forbidded romance that involved threatening to send someone to conversion camp [26], fuck off

bruh. why is she acting like thunderclan is gone xd you have no idea what it's like for a clan to almost fall apart yeah i stand by my comments on shadow/skyclan.

"what will my place be?" it will be a fucking warrior of thunderclan??? all you've ever wanted???? god she's...look i get it she's like, my age. and lord knows i don't react gracefully to shit. she's stressed, i get it. i do. but also, just, ffs bris. get it together.

"you die in the dark forest, you die in real life" can we meme that?

oooh okay it would be really good to get all three pov cats in the dark forest [27].

also, how long has rootspring been down there? how does this work? what's up with shadowsight? what is anything even? how long has it been?

thank you mothwing for pointing out bristlefrost is extremely unexperienced.

also can i just say, i really like bris' name? like i think bristlefrost is an extremely cute and good name. cute in that it's cute and good in that it conveys her character well.

god i want mothwing pov on this [25].

why is bris so convinced that if she doesn't act, rootspring isn't coming back?

chapter fifteen

wow i had a lot of notes on last chapter huuuh

oh vibe do i finally get squilf

stopping caring about bramble shadow no one fucking cares

seriously when did ashfur get this, uh, good at being a villain?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

she's

here

fuck i'm crying

poor bb i just. poor baby.

okay. ashfur. let me making something clear.

i do not understand why in the world squilf would ever choose bramble [28]. but you're fucked as a choice.

ffs yellowfang this is why we don't say "his only crime was loving too much"

okay well as much as i'm confused by his power his characterization here is fantastic. i'm really glad we got ashfur back as a villain, you know.

good job squirrelflight. do not take unnecessary blame.

(also please learn to transfer these skills to your pos husband.)

#when you can't get her to love you by killing her husband and dragging her into hell so you think you can make her love you by showing her how you're torturing the souls of her loved ones

you know i had the snowtuft thing spoiled for me i just forgot who snowtuft was so it had 0 impact

damn bramblestar is still alive.

dammit.

people kept calling lionblaze deputy don't do that to me if you're not following through on it ffs

okay not to pimp out my own fic but if you're interested in a squirrelstar au, "may there be no sadness of farewell" is my squils (squirrelstar) au and it does have an imposter arc. so you know. if that's your thing.

hnng my thoughts on bramble [29] aside i can appreciate the drama

ashfur. ashfur. ashfur you fucking idiot you're the one fighting her. also fuuuck i love this character. if i was bookmarking this on ao3 you know it'd get the "hot damn" tag.

huh. uh, wow. good chapter. hot damn. loved it. loved it so much.

hate what it means for my hopes and dreams, but very good. very intense. i approve.

chapter sixteen

eh, wasn't she going to the dark forest? did i forget something?

ohhh dream

huh this is interesting

and cute.

i love the "everything is fine" trope so much tho

does...did no one ever describe ashfur to bris?

you know, i think this is why so many people, me included, go with the we-don't-talk-about-our-villains thing. sure, it makes some bits awkward, but...yeesh

huh. weird chapter. both impactful and kinda meh.

chapter seventeen

you know i'm feeling a lot of things right now, and i might have to just give in and finish this damn thing.

we'll see.

willow willow willow willow willow

sigh ffuuuck she's dead. i'm sad. i'm going to write a fic about her. "under a willow tree" i have plans. it's going to be good.

yeah see okay. i made a joke about warriors needing to make not talking about shit part of the culture and i'm glad they did because it works

squilf!!!!!!!!!

oh fuck i'm crying again. my girl. she's here. she's here.

of course they saved you!!!!!! you're!!!!! squilf!!!!!!

please get nine lives.

please.

let the body be dead.

let bramble die.

please.

chapter eighteen

okay seriously i really want to memify "if you die in the dark forest, you die in real life"

oh rip shadow's ear. that sucks. huh. i'm gonna have to explore this, too. esp. w dovewing.

eeeeee mothwing being mothwing again i'm happy

willow

mothwing stick to ur guns for a moment

also i appreciate the "u can't tell me what to do i'm a med cat" thing going on

hehe tigerdad (where's dovewing my beloved)

chapter nineteen

wow okay i'm 3/4 of the way through

dammit rip squilf something something exploring some canon complient stuff.

huh, shadowsight. do you think maybe. being in the dark forest. is bad. do you think. maybe.

bruh shadow way to go call out your own father smh.

mothwing, my dear, you're the one who didn't want to treat him like that. i mean i'm glad you're standing up for him but this kind of makes your whole treatment of him feel like a plot device.

okay, i'm glad that's a formal thing, med cats > leaders, that makes me happy

i really want to know what alderheart is up to.

yeah really why have they waited so long. i mean i forgot about them too but the sisters seem like an obvious choice? since they're here?

(also i'm still really confused by the daisy thing.)

heh i really do need to read squilf's hope. i've been putting it off (i don't want to read cft, but...), but i think it's about time.

rootspring what? okay going to read it now ig

okay okay i'm really glad the sisters are like fuck we're done w y'all cause that's been a long time coming

what debt where the sisters in to the clans XD???

chapter twenty one

"moonpond"xxd i'm dying

awww tigerdad

don't the sisters know the basics of herbal healthcare?

poor tigerstar. no no guys. his wife was in a dangerous prophecy, and now his son is. :(

tigerdad!!!!!!!

ohhh this chapter hit hard

chapter twenty two

"the sign of a true leader" is...talking fast?

dfsjadfskj rootspring you are lead by leafstar the best and most capable leader the fuck are you talking about

:((((((((( brambles........alive

is squirrelstar so much to ask for

y'all're lucky i was going to release "ilex aquafolium" tonight as a follow-up to "better left unsaid" because freyja (my cat) chose it to be next in the rotation but i might end up finishing chapter three of "may there be no sadness of farewell" first because coping

chapter twenty three

you know writing that chapter did not take me better i forgot mtbnsof is angst until like...the epilogue

heyyy they're back....i'm.....soo....happy...about......this [30]

i mean i feel like every one is way too trusting how do u know it's the real squilf?

shadowsight bris rootspring polycule? just a thought

oh. so that's it, then.

you know, i enjoyed it.

citation: a moonkitti video ↩︎

see here to read it, but...you could probably get it in canon ↩︎

legally i have to tell you i haven't actually read this yet ↩︎

please let me have this. ↩︎

where "erin hunter" refers to the collective who writes warriors ↩︎ ↩︎

it's called "leader chance" if you're interested ↩︎

okay, techincally i was talking about riverclan dens, but it's close. ↩︎

for my own personal reference, pg 50 on phone. about 19% ↩︎

warrior cats still hasn't invented cheating. also, no, i'm not going overboard on the footnotes. ↩︎

nts, do this. or add on to like "daughter of mine" or "secrets passed over in the dead of night" ↩︎

gives more weight to sunset and evening star. ↩︎

although also guys it's not that out of character for her. like, she's always been quick to do what she thinks is right, and this time, it's the wrong thing. you know? ↩︎

including my own fuck. ↩︎

spoilers for mtbnsof. i mean i know i killed willow for exactly the same reason but...why'd they have to lift all of my least favorite parts of squilfstar. ↩︎

squilf but for squirrelstar. coined in my drafting notes for mtbnsof ↩︎

to be clear, he's wrong, i just wouldn't bother arguing because it's annoying having lionblaze as clan leader. ↩︎

nts: do something with this. mtbnsof spoilers. even if i don't end up going through to squils death, i want to do something with ivystar, preferably before the entire clan is ocs. ↩︎

in case you're new here, my ao3 is mallowstep and mtbnsof stands for may there be no sadness of farewell, a squirrelstar au that begins at the end of lost stars. ↩︎

"love knows no bounds (but maybe it should)" (unannounced) spoilers. ...i say, knowing about how he's, uh, not in lknb. ↩︎

hopefully, i'm speaking ill of the dead and not summoning the devil. hopefully. ↩︎

yes of course i will now be writing that thank you for calling me out. we will also be exploring her relationship with religion. title? unsure, but we might reuse "i'll believe the wind is calling me" since that has been scrapped and salvaged ↩︎

only valid kit play scene is now the one at the beginning of the sight. ↩︎

no tigerdove discourse please. i'm not in the mood for it. play nice. ↩︎ ↩︎

although to be clear, the only actually noble and true clans, at least time of this book, are shadowclan and skyclan. ↩︎

nts - "under a willow tree" ↩︎ ↩︎

oh. so that's why i don't like her. ↩︎

it triples my odds of seeing squilf. ↩︎

i do. i really, really do. but until the erins acknowledge it, i try to ignore it in canon. otherwise i get too sad. ↩︎

as mentioned before, when i'm interacting with canon, my standards are a lot lower. because i like to enjoy the stories. that's why i write fix-it fic. ↩︎

i'm crying ↩︎

5 notes · View notes

solastia · 3 years

Note

Day 19

Break My Stride, Yoongi x Jungkook, ABO, 4/4 Chapters, 14k words

YOU KNOW MY DRAMATIC ASS SAVED THIS FOR A FRIDAY! If y'all thought my screeching was annoying before, be prepared for about 10x more screeching and indecipherable noises. As the very wise Deadpool once said, “MAXIMUM EFFORT!”

First off, congratulations because this was your first fic to reach 10k hits (and it’s now at 34K hits, whaaaa??!! A few hundred of those may possibly be from me...possibly...probably...most definitely! lmao)

You know my fave ship is Yoonmin (I don’t take shipping irl seriously, don’t come for me plz) but I absolutely LOVE the dynamics between Kookie and Yoongi in this fic. Your writing, the plot, the dialogue, the whole thing is just top tier deliciousness every step of the way. It is scrumptious, mouth watering, exquisite, uuugh *chef’s kiss* bellissimo!

Ok, LOTS OF SPOILERS BECAUSE THIS FIC IS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FICTIONAL STORY AND Y’ALL CAN’T STOP ME, MUAHAHAHA!

In the beginning of the story, you create a sense of home for the audience. We feel like we know these characters, we get a sense that they’ve been a group of friends for a very long time, and they each hold a special part of each other’s lives, and it’s freaking beautiful.

“Yoongi shook his head and started picking the olives off his slice of pizza. When he turns to his right to give the olives away, he realizes why he’d felt something was wrong.”

You see! He hadn’t even realized that Kookie was missing, but he felt like something was off.

Oh! And I wanted to ask you about the idea for a mating run! I’ve never read anything like this before, it was an interesting concept to think about. And this would be Yoongi’s 8th run! Oh babey, he was just waiting for the right mate…

“He wasn’t sure what it was, but the image of Jungkook finding someone during the run made him feel…itchy.”

Our boi is already jealous at just the idea of Kookie finding a mate (other than him ofc, but he doesn’t know that yet, bwahahahaha!!)

“Good idea, you’re going to need all the rest you can get,” Seokjin says with an ominous smirk.”

I SHOULD GIVE YOU THE SAME WARNING SEOKJINNIE!!!

“There were even booth setups for merchandise and food.”

OMG, I could see Hobi or Jin buying some cheesy “I survived the 20__ Run and All I Got Was This Shirt”. Or maybe a beer cozy!

“No, he said that would be pointless because his mate’s a cheating cheater that plays dirty. He said the chances of them covering their scent were high. He’s making sure his den is ready,” Seokjin scoffed.

Yoongi accepted the drink Jimin handed him and chuckled. “Sounds like I might actually like them.”

“You have no idea,” Jin said with a snort”

Yoongi, are you so jaded, so blind by your general saltiness that you are not understanding the very obvious clues being thrown your way?!?!?! Kookie, where are you? Put this man in his place please!!

And then when he was told that Kook bought that house he’d had his eyes on for years, uughhh, I was hurting for our Yoonie!

“Yoongi suddenly felt like crying, but he settled for collapsing onto the bench and clenching his fist.”

AAAHHH! But wait a little while Yoongi, I promise all this hurt will be over soon!

“Suddenly, Namjoon growled menacingly, startling everyone. Hoseok looked over to the spot where Namjoon was steadily staring, curiosity in his gaze before it too hardened and he started glaring with bared teeth. A random city Alpha that had been approaching them instantly halted, hands out in surrender.”

HOW COULD I FORGET THIS SUB-PLOT!!! Jin was over there laughing at how oblivious Yoongi was, and he isn’t any better, is he?!? Imagine having Joon and Hobi scaring the competition away like that??!! I would take them home immediately!

“There’s a huge plush rug and plenty of blankets, big fluffy pillows, a little stash of food and entertainment. I even put scent blockers around so no one would smell anything coming from inside,” Yoongi preened as he thought of his perfect hideaway.

Yoongi would def be one to make his little den as comfortable as possible! But I just thought of something. In your earlier description of Yoongi’s apartment, he said it was a bit stark and lacked any real decor. BUT he went out of his way to make this den as comfortable as possible. He bought a string of fairy lights, and he had to go to the big city to get them! It’s almost like it was fate, or maybe deep down he knew that something was going to happen, and he was inadvertently nesting! (please insert “I’ve connected the dots” meme here)

“He was sure there were plenty of Alphas running around with those piercings and Kook’s ginormous honker of a nose.”

Was it really Kook? Or is our boy so in love that he sees Kookie wherever he goes? Lmao!

“Yoongi was about to show this guy that he wasn’t someone to be messed with and he wouldn’t be dragged off to be someone’s good little Omega bitch. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the taser he’d packed just in case.”

OMG, Yoongi is not messing around, absolutely zero chill!

“It seemed presenting had changed him physically as well, shooting him up a couple inches so he towered over Yoongi even more than usual. His arms and legs were rippling with muscle that even the black tracksuit he was wearing couldn’t hide. His face was still the same though; the innocent grin an interesting contrast with the buff build.”

SIR!! My heart cannot take this punishment! And OFC he’s a Prime Alpha, Kookie doesn’t know how to half-ass anything!

“And just like he had a million times before, Yoongi gave in like the soft ass bitch he was.”

He really is soft for all of them!!! Yoongi will let them do whatever they want with him, he’ll complain the entire way but we all know he secretly loves it!

“Yoongi dared a quick look behind him, audibly gulping at the sight of the Alpha staring at his ass like he was a starving man at an all you can eat buffet. Jungkook was grinding his jaw and had his nails dug into the dirt like he was trying to control himself.”

I mean, we’ve all seen the Yoonbooty. It does look very biteable. Relatable AF Kook!

“Jungkook continued poking around in things; picking up a candle to sniff, trying to sneak a peek into the duffle bag, ruffling around in the bag of snacks - all while stealing glances at the bed in the middle of the room. “

WAY TO NOT BE OBVIOUS KOOK!!!

“What are you doing, Kook? You’re wasting time here when you should be out there chasing down your mate. They are probably wondering where you are.”

“They know where I am.”

“You told them you were going to hang out with me and they were fine with it?”

“Hyung, you’re usually so smart. Think about it.”

Every time I read this, I die a little bit inside (in a good way, I promise). Yoongi’s whole world is about to be turned upside down, and he has no idea!!!

“The house…”

Jungkook’s eyes softened, smiling fondly at him. “I bought it for you, hyung. Whether you choose me today or not, it’s yours.”

I cry.

What a courting gift!!! Kook doesn’t understand subtlety, does he??!! And how selfless is this? This is a no-strings attached gift, given to Yoongi out of love.

I cry.

“I love the way we are now, equals with a little bit of babying me on the side,” Jungkook grins when Yoongi snorts, shaking his head fondly at the other.”

I would like to see that please.

AND THEN THIS LINE:

“Omega,” Jungkook says softly, so rife with emotion that Yoongi can hear everything he’s trying to say in just that one word. “May I enter your nest?”

This is it, this is as far as I go fam. I have been destroyed with six whole words. How can such a simple statement hold so much emotion, so much hopeful pleading?

And then the whole interaction on the bed! Yoongi asking if he wants to play cards (bwahahaha, sure Jan), Kookie being prepared to wipe away all the descenting salve, Kook getting scent high, YOONGI’S GRANDPA RUN, those first initial uses of pet names, everything was so intimate and playful. It was beautiful!

“I bet I could easily pick you up and fuck you against a wall sometime if you wanted. Maybe even have you straddle my shoulders and I could suck you off that way,” Jungkook muses so matter of factly despite the subject matter, and Yoongi can feel himself get wetter by the second.”

Aaaaaaand there’s the emotional whiplash I’ve come to love from you!

“Whatever you want. You’re in charge.”

Kookie being selfless again! I cannot! It’s about these little things that are done between partners that really matter. Kook is a newly presented virgin Prime Alpha in the midst of a claiming, and his first priority is still making sure Yoongi feels good. He’s giving him all the power here.

“Good,” Yoongi yawns loudly and throws a couple of blankets over them, tangling their legs together. “Later we can try the thing with the nipples.”

Again, I would like to see that please.

“Suddenly, Yoongi’s eyes shoot open and he gasps.

“Oh shit! Your brother is going to kill me!”

Jungkook merely laughs”

😂😂😂

“I’ll give you some meat,” Yoongi grumbles playfully as he climbs off the bed, stretching his aching limbs.

“I mean, I’m down for anything,” Jungkook giggles.”

Not to sound like a broken record, but...I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT PLEASE

“Jungkook walked straight towards the first woman he saw with a clipboard, blindsiding the stunned woman with one of his lethal smiles while he wrapped an arm around Yoongi’s waist to pull him close.

“Hi! We both need mating packets.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes because he could tell that Jungkook was practically bragging instead of just asking like a normal person.”

He’s practically bragging about Yoongi being his mate! I have a feeling Kookie is going to be unbearable to be around in the upcoming weeks.

And then we get a teeny tiny peek at the Nam-Jin-Hobi subplot and ooomg I hope you’re able to explore this particular pairing in the future. There is so much potential there for steamy/fluffy scenes!

“I just mean, like, soulmates. You know? Maybe we were supposed to meet to help each other find our mates. Or maybe we are all soulmates in various forms.”

DON’T! DON’T HURT ME THIS WAY, I CANNOT AND WILL NOT SURVIVE!

AAAAH this fic was wonderful! It feels complete the way you ended it, but I am definitely still craving more! Good job, dayumm!

It still amazes me how many people have read this one lol. But yeah, this is one of my favorites too. I do have other side stories that I’m working on for this one, including one from Jk’s birthday and another for Namjinseok.

I just really really love writing people that are so unapologetically whipped. Like, it’s such a major thing for me because in real life there are a ridiculous amount of people that are embarrassed to show how much they care about their SO, and like, why? Why are you even with them if you’re so embarrassed to show them any affection? Show the world that you are proud they choose to be with you, show your person that they are precious. I’m not even saying buy them shit all the time (because for some reason het males seem to think that’s what everyone means). I mean hold their damn hand, write them a note, tell them they are pretty. There’s a reason that a person who technically still identifies as gay man is in a steady relationship with me, a pan woman. And it’s because I fucking treat him like he’s the reason my heart beats and I’m not ashamed to show the world. Ok, I’m ranting now lol. I’ll stop. But you get the picture.

3 notes · View notes