#i feel like its taken me this long to process everything and even then im not sure i have

[chiisana-lion]

#truly absolutely no wonder the times when i hate myself the most is when i cant draw #not even in a ''oh i have to post smth way'' idc abt that. i just want to create Something. anything rly just for me just for the heck of it #whenever i try to sketch something it always ends up erased or undone or just. i cant do it #i dont know why !!!! i just want to make smth. feel smth during the process and like the result #but these past damn weeks have taken such a toll on me i think im losing myself genuinely #feel like!! m such a letdown i went and signed up for art events etc and i cant even give them my all and imjust barely hanging on a thread #rly all i ask to be able to do so long as im alive is to draw things. thats rly all i want #i have plenty of ideas ik hkw to execute them somewhat but every time for the past couple of weeks i bring my pen to the tablet everything #seems wrong. its never turning out the way i want to i cant see what i wanted to draw anymore til the point i cant even begin #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #mental health dropping isnt helping either screw you august im just. god #i should eat dinner maybe #duck rants about something

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

hii love, how are you doing? 🫶🏻

so, i just read your latest pietro hcs and it's SO GOOD😭 (like everything else that you write, i'm literally in love with your writing) and i had an idea

can i request an angry love confession from pietro after him and the reader go to a mission together and she puts herself at risk to save him?

like, they're friends with benefits, but are distant bc both of them had developed feelings for each other, but neither say anything bc they think the other only wants sex, like you said. the reader putting herself at risk during the mission to save pietro it's the last straw for him, he gets angry and freaked out by the idea of losing her. so, after the mission, they're arguing and it ends up leading to an angry love confession 😏😏

hii lovie!! im sorry this has taken so long, it took me ages to figure out how to get them out of the danger part, so I took a break from it and had no luck so left that part blank. but you’ll see what I mean😭 and im doing well, hope you are too. thank you :(( you’re so sweet!! thanks for requesting, hope you like it💌

MISTAKES AND CONFESSIONS

pietro maximoff x female reader

word count. 869

link to fwb hc’s

As of late, things with Pietro have been a little confusing - tricky, if you will - the complications of being friends with benefits making themselves more apparent after every meet-up.

Everything was going well, all going as planned, until the unforeseen moment when you actually fell in love with him. At the beginning of your elevated friendship, you both promised it would be strictly hook-ups, no strings attached, nothing else. And that's what you did - up until three weeks ago. 

After a while, you found yourself declining his invitations to meet up, like you were starting to pull back from him. It grew more difficult to be around someone so unattainable, to have the constant reminder of his romantic disinterest, so instead, you withdrew yourself to make it less painful. 

So now, when you cross paths at the compound, instead of a nervous hidden smile behind your hand, you avoid his gaze completely - turning your attention to the weather app on your phone.

It wasn't easy to ignore him, but it was getting there - that's what you told yourself, anyway. 

All of your attempts to avoid Pietro got flipped on its head when the two of you got paired together for a mission - to retrieve intel from an enemy base. It was supposed to be a low-risk assignment: get in, collect the information and get out, but nothing is ever that simple.

As soon as you and Pietro stepped foot in the room of said intel, you noticed a red hue shine from under his foot. You immediately tugged at his arm, halting his movements when you realised what you had both walked into.

"Pietro! Wait, wait, wait," you call out, gripping at his upper arm. "Don't move. Keep still," you ramble, eagerly looking around the space.

"What is it?"

"The room— it's got these— I don't know, just keep still," you breathe out a reply, feeling flustered. 

"It's okay," Pietro offers a brief moment of reassurance, keeping his eyes glued ahead - keeping still as instructed. "Are you okay? Are you on one, too?" he hesitantly asks.

"No, no, but you are and— I don't know what to do. Nat taught me what to do with these and— god, why isn't my brain working?" you mumble, frustratedly speaking your mind when you think about the possibility of something awful actually happening to Pietro - to both of you.

"Draga, it's fine. Really, it's okay," he whispers, slowly extending his hand behind, like he was awkwardly reaching for you.

"No, keep still— please. Just let me think," 

"You should go,"

"No, give me a minute," 

"Please, milovat. You need to go,"

"I said no. Just give me a second,"

You even your breathing, running an uneasy hand over your forehead as you assess your surroundings. 

----- after ------ (im sorry about this, my brain broke)

You avoid each other's gaze, separately processing everything that happened - how you were both about to be blown to pieces, how you were willing to let yourself die to get Pietro out.

"That was so stupid," Pietro mutters, keeping his eyes fixed on a tree ahead.

"Excuse me?" you reply, neck whipping around to face him.

"That was so stupid," he repeats, emphasising each word.

"Are you kidding?" you snicker. "If you had minded where you were going we wouldn't have had to done all that."

"So you're saying it's my fault?" he retorts, face grimacing.

"Yes. I am," you retaliate. "It's your fault."

You both sigh, growing frustrated with the conversation. It was as if there was so much left unsaid, it all coming together like a whirlwind of mixed emotions - everything from your failed 'relationship' to no contact to just now. It was like you were both holding back on everything, too scared to bring up the subject that tarnished your original friendship. 

"I told you to go, and you didn't. That's not on me. That's on you! Don't blame me for things we both messed up on."

"Me? That's rich,"

"Yes, you! Nothing is ever your fault, is it?" he sneers, the argument changing subject.

"You never listen! Always thinking about yourself,"

"Bullshit," he dryly chuckles, unamused smile on his face.

"I don't want to do this. It's boring and tiring," you cave, waving your hands in sign of defeat. "I give up. You win."

Pietro huffs, rubbing over his temples. "If you had just gone..." he murmurs, talking at the floor.

"I couldn't! I couldn't leave you,"

"Yes, you could. You should've gone. You could have died," Pietro's words soften as if it all hit him how real it was - how he could have lost you again, but for good. "You could've died."

"So could you," you turn to face him, meeting his saddened eyes. 

His hands drop to his side as he steps towards you, walking to close the gap - the closest you had been in weeks. He keeps his gaze solely on you, looking over you like you're no longer a distant memory, like he was seeing you in a new light - the way he was supposed to see you.

He cups your cheeks, holding your face in his hands. "I could have lost you again."

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

pietro taglist: @astermath @thewinterv @earth-elemental18 @lunnnix @idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser @randomawesomeperson102 @queerponcho @selfryed @daenerys-supremacy @dontknownameauthor @mrsbarnesxxx @honestly-who-even-is-this @simplyreflected @apxtowiris

#request #this is so bad omg im so sorry!! #pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff x reader #pietro x reader #pietro imagine #pietro maximoff x you #pietro maximoff fluff #pietro marvel

[flnpushy]

Classic Story...

all birth stories

My old Story: Anna's Birth Struggle Anna had recently graduated and was college bound. Being 18 was fun for Anna and she enjoyed the graduated life. Her boyfriend Tom was also looking forward to college as well, but the two would be separated as they had been accepted to different schools. On the final night before moving away for school, they spent the evening together. Alone. Three months had gone by since the two had been together. Things were going well for him, but no so well for Anna. She was sick most mornings, and just felt off. A couple more weeks went by before she finally called her mom. She told her about her morning sickness and other symptoms. Her mom asked if she had taken a pregnancy test. To that she answered “Are you nuts?” “I’m not pregnant.” A few more days passed, she finally gave in and took a test. The test said she was indeed pregnant. She didn’t believe it so she took another. Same result. She called her mom in disbelief. “Mom I’m Pregnant.” Anna said. “OH my goodness....” Her mother replied. “What about school?” She asked Anna. “I don’t know mom, I don’t know what to do.” Regardless her mom was actually very excited, but Anna was far from excited. She had waited years to go to college and now it was all at risk. She visited the doctor where they confirmed she was about three months along. Much to far to go back now. Anna Couldn’t believe it. A baby? She didn’t want to have a baby! She then had to let Tom know. She didn’t know how he would react. She was very nervous making that call. “Tom, Its me, Your going to be a dad.” Anna said. There was a brief silence on the line.... “Oh my god are you serious?!?” He said excitedly. “Are you mad.” Anna asked. “Of course I’m not mad, Im absolutely ecstatic.” “Why would I be mad Anna, Its my fault your pregnant!” He said. “Oh thank god your happy.” Anna said. “What about our schooling?” “Its ok Anna, we will make it happen no matter what, I’m here for you!” Tom said. Most days Anna had morning sickness and other issues. Pregnancy was not easy for her. Anna was a petite brunette. She was small overall. She has a small frame, tiny arms, and she was only 5 foot 2. She was still just a girl in reality, but she now was going to become a woman faster then she had ever imagined. She continued her studies as best she could. Eventually the ninth month had arrived. Annas belly was like a basketball protruding from her body. Anna knew she would birth at home as this was her wish. Her mom Mary had been preparing thier home for months. Everything Mary could afford to get she got in preparation for the birth. Finally summer break arrived and a very pregnant Anna returned to her home, and Tom did to. One morning Anna awoke early to pains in her belly. This wasnt unusual for her as the baby frequently moved around in her belly causing discomfort. These pains were different however. She felt around the top of her belly. She could feel a little baby foot squirming around within her. Anna was grossed out by the babies movements, she didnt like the idea that a baby was inside her. She was ready to be done, ready to give birth and be back to being a normal girl again. Anna prepared a breakfast and joined her boyfriend Tom on the front porch for a Saturday morning conversation. Tom asked how Anna was doing and knew that she was in some type of pain. “I think it may be happening.” Anna said “Ok honey, lets get things ready.” Tom replied. Tom prepared her bed with clean sheets and comfortable pillows. He also layed out towels in the bathoom and on the bed to catch fluids during the birthing process. A couple hours later Anna was in real pain, labor had begun and her belly squirmed wildly as the baby moved toward the birth canal. The contractions were sharper and shaper and it wasnt long before Anna was really hurting. She layed sprawled out on the couch, trying her hardest to bear

through each contraction. She was wearing a light shirt, bra, and panties. She fought the pain as best she could, but still yelped in pain with each contraction. Tom had read up on birth and was going to school to be a doctor. He figured this would be a good training opportunity.

“My poor baby girl.” Tom said, sitting beside her. Anna continued to struggle through the pain. Anna entered transition, this was the worst pain she had ever faced. “Oh my god, oh oh oh, help me, ahhhhhhh” Anna yelped. She continued her struggle. Till finally transition had ended. The baby was now low in her belly and engaged in her pelvis. “Ok its time to check your cervix to see if you can push.” Tom said Anna sat upon the bed and Tom inserted a finger to check Anna. “Good girl Anna, your right on the money, 10 centimeters!” “So now what do I do?” Anna asked. “Time to push that baby out hun!” Tom replied. “Im scared.” Anna said. “I know baby girl, but its so close to being done now.” Tom said. Anna endured another couple of contractions. She was ready to get over to the bed, but the next contraction brought a tiny gush of fluids. “Whats happening!?!” Anna shrieked. “Your water broke baby, The baby is coming now!” Tom replied. Anna and Tom went to the bed, Anna waddled as it was so strange to her having so much pressure between her legs. They arrived at the bedside. Anna took off her shirt, bra, and panties, then climbed into bed. “Wow look at my beautiful baby girl” Tom said. “You are so beautiful.” “Ok how do I do this.” Anna asked. Tom put several pillows behind his pregnant girlfriends head, he put an absorbent pad under her butt as well. “Lift your butt baby.” Tom said as she slid the pad underneath. “Ok now we wait for a contraction and you push.” Tom said. “I will teach you how to push.” Tom stated. Tom put a finger in her opening. “Feel my finger?” Tom asked. “Yes.” Anna replied. “Ok when a contraction comes, your push like your having a bowel movement right at this spot.” He said “Ok” Anna replied. It was time to put her newly acquired knowledge to the test. A contraction came. “Ok baby, pull your legs up toward your chest and push like your pooping.” Tom instructed. Anna pulled back her little legs and pushed. “Grrrrr.” she grunted out. She then stopped. “Good girl Anna.” Tom said. “Hold those pushes good and long.” Tom stated. Anna pushed again. “mmmmmm grrrrrr ahhhhhh.” She grunted hard. The contraction ended. “Good girl baby!” Tom said. “Now relax.” “How many pushes will I have to do?” Anna asked. “Could be a few minutes, could be a few hours babe.” Tom said. “A FEW HOURS!” Anna yelled. “Yes baby, pushing a baby out is a long process. Your young and small, The baby has to stretch you out to get free.” Tom said. “You will be ok. Just breath and relax.” Another contraction came.

“Ok baby girl, here goes.” Tom said. Anna pulled back her legs and grunted. She pushed good and hard this time, curling her little toes in protest of the pain. “Good push girl! And again!” Tom said. Anna pushed again and again till the contraction was over. “Ok babe, lets see what we can see.” Tom said. Tom used both hands to open her opening. He poked around a bit. ‘“Ok girl, heres a contraction, push hard.” He said Anna pushed with all her strength. “Ohhhh!!! We have something here!” Tom said. “I see something!” Tom said again. “We have a little baby head!” “I wanna see the baby!” Anna said. Tom grabbed a large mirror and placed in in front of her, she then pulled back her opening once more. “Ok push hard and watch the mirror” Tom said. Anna pushed, in the tiny little back of her opening a tiny spot of hair was visible. As the push stopped the spot went away. “Where did my baby go?” Anna asked. “Back in your tummy.” Tom said. “Why in my tummy, I want her out!” Anna stated. “Birth is a two steps forward, one step back process baby. The baby will come out a bit, then go back in a bit, remember she is stretching you out so she can get free.” Tom said. “ I want her out!” Anna said. “Honey, she will come out, you have to push her out. “ Tom said. Anna dropped her legs as the contraction ended. Tom grabbed more pillows as it was a struggle for Anna to push and hold her legs open. He put pillows under Annas legs to support them. Then another contraction came. Anna moaned as she pushed, she struggled and quivered. Her perineum however was starting to bulge a bit with each push. “I’m uncomfortable.” Anna said. “Change positions honey, you have the whole bed.” Tom said. “Try side laying, I’ll support your upper leg when you push.” Anna slowly moved from laying on her back to laying on her side. Her cute little Belly touching the mattress. Another contraction came. Tom supported her upper leg as she began to push again. Anna dug deep and bored down with all her strength, the perineum slowly bulged outward. As the push ended the perineum bulge disappeared. The contraction continued so Anna pushed again. Once again the bulge appeared, and then slowly disappeared as the push ended. “Good girl Anna, your making her move in there!” Tom said. “With every push your helping the baby escape from your womb.” Tom laid down first and let Anna lie down on his lap. He did this to comfort Anna and help her push the baby out. The mirror was positioned so that Anna and Tom could see the progress. Little did Anna know this was just the beginning of the battle. Another round of contractions Hit Anna. Assisted by her boyfriend she began pushing again. Anna drew back her legs and let out a push. She curled her toes as she pushed, her Tummy shook and quivered as she pushed hard to free the baby. Her perineum bulged as she continued to push the baby. The next push brought the bulge out further. It was becoming evident that the baby's head was close to the opening. A few moments later another push came over Anna. She strained and struggled, but her efforts were awarded. She pushed again, the perineum bulged farther this time. Anna continued to struggle, however she was about to be rewarded. As in her vulva, a tiny tuft of hair protruded. “Good Girl baby!” We can see that little Head! Tom said.

As the push came to an end the tuft of hair receded from view. The contraction ended. Anna relaxed in between the waves. Less than a minute later the next contraction started. Tom assisted Anna in drawing her legs back. Anna pushed with all of her strength. The tiny tuft of hair appeared in the opening once more.

“Reach down and touch the baby.” Tom said Anna reached down with her hand, and for the first time touched her baby's head. “Ewww its slippery and gross!” Anna said. Tom just laughed. The next contraction started. Anna Drew back her legs once more and pushed. The baby's head became slightly more visible this time. However as the push ended the baby's head drew back inside of Anna’s tummy. She was so close, but yet so far. When pushing she could see her baby, but the battle was far from over. “Ok baby girl, the next stage is the tricky one. The babies head will fight your perineum to get out. When you push the head will come out, but when you stop it will roll back. The perineum skin will hold the baby inside of you. You must overcome this skin to get the baby out.” Tom instructed. It was time for Anna to dig deep. Her baby's head was stuck in between her legs, and only she could free it. It did not matter how much assistance her boyfriend gave her, it was totally up to her to give birth to the babies head. Anna knew that Tom could not pull the baby from within her. It had to be done on her own. The next contraction came. Anna's Little body strained as she began to push. Below her belly the tiny baby Head was starting to emerge. It seemed so much more fluid in her. The head was more responsive to her pushing now. Even a tiny push had a reaction on the baby. Tom layed behind her and watched the action unfold in the mirror. He was so proud of what his girl was doing, and slightly aroused. Anna pushed again which revealed the baby's head once more, however as she stopped the head receded back in. The battle between baby and skin had begun. Every push moved the head into the opening, but at the end of every push the baby went back inside of Annas tummy. The battle continued. Anna pushed down hard, the baby responded this time, and the head protruded quite far. However with the end of the push the baby went back into her tummy. Anna made tiny moaning sounds as she pushed hard to free her baby. She needed a position change to see if she could push the head free in a different position. Lying on her back was obviously getting her nowhere as the baby continued to go in and out. She once again switched to side lying. Tom supported her upper leg as she pushed. The baby's head came into view then slowly rolled back in as Anna stopped pushing. The little baby head was not coming anytime soon. It's almost as though the baby preferred Annas tiny little Tummy. Anna continued to struggle, but the babies head remained firm in her. It had now been two hours since Anna began pushing. She had made good progress, but the babies head was still within her. The baby had made an appearance several times, but refused to stay in the opening. Anna's Young perineum skin just was not allowing the baby to come forth. Anna was becoming desperate. She wanted the baby out of her badly but no matter how hard she struggled the head would not come free. Still on her side she began to wiggle her tiny hips back-and-forth. “Good girl Anna. Move those hips, it may help her out.” Tom said. “Follow your instincts.” Anna resumed another push. As she wiggled her hips back and forth the baby's head started to make more headway. The tiny tuft of hair head become the top of the babies skull. A tiny teardrop shape was starting to happen. Anna's perineum skin was finally starting to stretch. “Good job baby girl, wiggle that tummy and get that baby out!”Tom said. “Uhh, uhgrrrm, ooh god, mmmmm.” Anna moaned as she pushed. Anna was getting tired And frustrated. It was time for an all out massive push. “Im going for it.” Anna said. “Hold me open.” Anna waited for the next contraction to set in, Tom held her opening below to allow more space for the babies head. Anna breathed in any gathered all of her strength. She dug her feet into the mattress, strained as hard as she possibly could and let out the biggest push she had

ever done. She wiggled from side to side as she pushed. The baby's had came far into the opening. The furthest it had been yet. Even a small portion of the babies forehead was visible. However at the end of her massive push, the babies went back inside the tummy. ��Wow honey, I was for sure that would have her out!” Tom said.

“I dont think I can get her out.” Anna stated. “You can honey, I will coach you.” Tom said. Tom began the coaching. He came around from behind her to assist the perineum in opening. “Ok baby, hard push.” Mary said “1 2 3 4 5... “good let go.” Tom continued coaching her for another 15 minutes. The baby's head continued into yo-yo action. Slowly coming visible with the push, and receding back in with the end. Finally after a few more pushes the head was starting to come forth far into crowning. Even though the baby's head was starting to crown, at the end of the push the head was still receding into Anna's tummy. Tom continued to coach his girlfriend, but the head refused to come free. The perineum skin was still fighting to keep the baby inside. No matter how hard Anna pushed the baby continued to recede in at the end. Tom assisted her by pulling back the skin as she pushed. Anna was taking a real working over and Tom knew that she would soon tire to the point of exhaustion. “I cant get her out.” Anna said. “Ive been in the same spot now for 45 minutes and the head is still stuck.” “I know baby girl, you have worked so hard, your perineum is just so tight.” Tom said. The babies head remained in the vulva. Visible, but not able to get free of the perineum. “Help me, I cant get her out.” Anna wailed. Anna began to doubt, she had worked so hard, but with no avail. Tom had doubts as well, seeing his poor girl struggle was starting to make him wonder as well. They took a break for a few minutes and regained composure. “Help, help me.” Anna said. “There is nothing I can do to free the baby honey, you just have to keep going.” Tom said. Anna let out a tiny grunty push. The head moved, but barely. She pushed again. Once again the baby responded, but it was little effort against the tight perineum. The baby receded back into Annas tummy. Once again becoming clenched by the Tight perineum. It was time to take a break and give up for a while, it was becoming apparent that Anna was not going to be able to free the baby. She was simply too tired, and her skin too tight. Anna drew her legs together and the baby disappeared from the Vulva back into her tummy. Anna stood up. It was time to take a break and walk. The walking motion and the movement of her hips might help the baby get into a better position to get free. The baby now back firmly in the tummy made Anna upset. She had carried this baby for the last nine months, and now it was so close to coming out, but yet she was unable to get it out. She could feel the baby moving within her, she could feel it kick and struggle to get free of her tight skin. She began to wonder if the baby would actually fit out of her. Anna endured more contractions as she paced around the bedroom. She could feel the babies head just inside her rubbing the perineum as she walked. It was a strange feeling. After 30 minutes of walking around, it was time for the inevitable. Anna needed to starting pushing again. Anna returned to the bed with Tom at her side. She drew back her legs and began pushing once more. She breathed in and bored down, her skin bulged below. She pushed again, the skin bulged farther and the vulva opened. She pushed again, the head came back to view then slowly receded with the end of the push. The next contraction came. Anna pushed hard and the head came to view, as the push slowed the head went back. Anna was grunting will all her might to free the little baby, but it was stuck. The tiny head held tightly in place. She took a breath. The head slipped slowly back in. “Good girl Anna, it will happen, just stay with it.” Tom said. However after several hours of pushing Tom was starting to get worried she would not be able to get the baby out on her own. Secretly he was turned on by this. Anna kept at it though, pushing hard to get the head moving, then watching it go back inside. She knew she really had no other choice but to get the baby out. The morning turned in to afternoon as Anna continued

to push the baby out. The head had now been going in and out for two long hours. Anna had now been pushing for five total hours. Anna’s body was covered in sweat, and she was becoming very exhausted. “Tom, the baby isn’t coming out.” Anna said. “I’ve been at this for hours.”

“I know babe, but the head is right there in your opening, It will come.” Tom replied. “Yes I know Tom, but her head has been there for two hours!” Anna said. “Are you enjoying seeing me like this?” “No babe of course not, I mean you are quite cute when you push, but I want the baby to come out to.” Tom said. Anna returned to pushing, she grunted hard and long. The babies head was right there at the opening, but just refused to come out any farther. Anna tried and tried again to get the baby out but with no prevail. “Ok Tom, I’m throwing in the towel.” Anna said. “Your baby isn’t coming out.” Anna felt trapped by this. She had a baby stuck in her, she couldn’t get it out, she began to feel anxious. Her anxiety made her tense up. This made the baby retract back inside her. As the baby retracted her tummy got bigger. “Looks like your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Yes, but I’ve been trying to get un-pregnant now for hours!” Anna said. “Why did you have to put such a big baby in me Tom? Anna asked. “I’m not sure its a size issue, I think there is another complication.” Tom replied. Anna went to say something again but was stopped by a contraction. She pushed hard and the head moved out to its farthest yet. The head stayed in the opening for a few seconds before slowly retracting back inside. “See babe, your getting it, that was the farthest its been out yet.” Tom said. “Well ok, I’ll keep trying.” Anna said. Anna pushed again with the next contraction, the head came slowly into view. The babies hair was dry now, it had been in the same spot for so long. Feeling the head going in and out was starting to become natural to Anna. It was actually starting to become slightly pleasureable. She pushed again feeling the head push against her opening. She was becoming aroused. Tom noticed this. “Starting to like it babe?” Tom asked. “Well.... I mean I want it out, but the feeling.....” Anna said. Anna continued to work the baby in and out of her. The head would slowly decend and push her opening, then retract back within her. Anna continued this until she could handle the pleasure no more. Her body shook and quivered with pure sensation. As the sensation overtook her she pushed, her opening contracted in and out. The babies head did the same, however it wasn’t popping out as she thought. The tension of the contractions held the baby tight within her. “Ok Tom thats it, your baby is stuck in me and I want it out now.” Anna said. “Get this baby out of me or else.” “Ok ok, lets see whats going on in there.” Tom replied. Tom reached in Annas opening, he felt around the babies stuck head with his finger. He got around to the bottom of the head and found the problem. “Ok so first of all we have a hand here, and second of all the baby is face up.” Tom said. “Theses two conditions make birth just about impossible.” Tom then withdrew his finger. “I suppose I could pull the hand free making birth much easier.” Tom said as he took a step backwards. “Ok so do it then.” Anna said. “Nah your ok babe, Just keep pushing.” Tom said as he stepped farther away. “Are you nuts Tom!” Anna said. “Your just so cute when you push.” Tom said. “Tom I command you to pull that hand out.” Anna said straining to push. “You’ll get it babe.” Tom said.

“TOM!!” Anna yelled. Tom slowly sat back down at her side. Anna desperately reached down and tried to feel for the babies hand. She could get her fingers just inside, but her belly was to big to be able to reach far enough inside. She gave up and moaned in protest. “Good girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. “Oh I’m going to get you for this!” Anna said. Anna went to move toward Tom but was hit with another painful contraction. She pulled her legs back and pushed as hard as she could. “Mmmmm Ahhhhhh, COME OUT BABY!” She yelled. She pushed hard again. “OHH MMMM AHHH, COME OUT!” She was gaining traction on the baby, moving its head ever farther out of her opening. However the babies little hand was preventing escape. She pushed hard again, her belly covered in sweat. She could feel the baby kicking and squirming inside to try and get out. Anna put her legs up on the headboard of the bed and continued to push with all her might. She pushed on her belly with her hands to help the baby. But it wasn’t moving. The baby was stuck just prior to full crown. The forehead was visible, but the face had yet to come. “TOM!” Anna said. “Good effort babe, But your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Make you a deal.” Tom said. “Ok what.” Anna said. “If I can impregnate you again in the future, I’ll pull that hand free.” Tom said. “NO, I don’t want another one of your babies inside me!” Anna said. “Ok keep pushing then.” Tom said. “Quick tip, wiggle your hips.” Anna stood up and got on all fours. Then went into a squat. She pushed and wiggled her hips as much as she could. The babies head began to come forward. She pushed harder and harder, the head began to finally stay down. With the next push the face came forth. It retracted a bit with the end of the push. The next push was a struggle but the baby was moving. “AHHHH MMMM.” Anna grunted as she pushed. The head was coming slowly out. The babies ears started to show. The end of the push had the ears disappear back in, to Toms pleasure. “Good Girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. The baby was coming but it was also continuing to recede back at the end of the pushes. The next push was finally the one that Anna had been waiting for, with a epic push and struggle, the head finally emerged. It was a relief to Anna to finally have the head out. She wiggled and pushed again, the first shoulder popped free. With the next push the other shoulder and body slipped free. Anna was elated to finally have the baby out. She got to know the new baby, and allowed Tom to bond as well. “So, when can we have another Anna.” Tom said. “Don’t get any silly ideas.” Anna said.

#birth #birth kink #giving birth #pregnant #birth story

[dramarising-replacement]

im so annoyed about the state of the skins and accent submissions. I recently put in like a huge order of accents that has taken so long to arrive and its making me so annoyed. You would think umas being one of if not the biggest money maker on fr they would prioritize it better and make it so that the people making them all that money through gem sales would have a better experience doing so.

In the Skins And Accents Problems thread I've recently seen: Someone's order straight up got lost/skipped over! (LITERALLY HOW) Someone's skin that was altered by a mod and said 'this should pass' was then denied! (Congrats you gave your own system an autoimmune disorder) Someone else had their OC uma denied because 'it looks too close to copyright' meanwhile a literal overwatch skin passed into the festival contest several months back (not to mention the number of Barely Different nintendo ip umas we have on site)

and thats JUST from the last few days.

We're constantly having orders lost, constantly having accents applied to the wrong breed or pose, sometimes shit gets shifted?? Idk HOW that even happens. It's just so frustrating, and all of this is done through snail mail so if it DOES get denied multiple times you're waiting at least a month to get your shit back. They mentioned they were finally doing something about updating it, and the features look nice, but I just don't understand why it feels like the team doesnt even talk to each other regarding umas processing. I get its all subjective but Christ this entire process is nightmarish and archaic.

i just needed to vent about all of this

(again, this isn't me going 'why cant the two ppl working the umas section work harder' this is me going 'why the hell are there only two ppl working the umas section. why is everything manual? why is NOTHING automated except the garbage receipt that doesnt even tell you WHAT you ordered, just that you ordered Something. No blueprint receipt, no name, no breed/pose stated, just the order number. Garbage. Why is everything so subjective they cant even agree between mods? etc etc')

#Rant #Flight Rising #Art #Long post

[the-one-void]

Childe A/B/O hcs

Ok so im gonna,,, go off a bit here,,, with my own Omegaverse hcs for Childe cuz I really like ABO... I feel like that says a lot about me. lol also at some point she gets a lil spicy so 18+ warning (theres a mention of knots too sooo warning lol)! (my god it seems all i can write is horny shit im so sorry..)

Ok so,, first off his main form of courting is giving you gifts. He loves spoiling you with gifts when ever he can but, when he's courting the gifts are extra in all ways possible. He wants to make you feel like his everything and, he dose. When you two eventually get together he dose his best to take care of his (potential) mate. After the initial courting stage, when the two of you started dating, you two would go everywhere together. Childe would show you some of his favorite places to go and after a long day together he would ask if he could take you to his home.

If you say yes he would take you to his home and show you to his den, a nice comfy space that he had been building ever since he started to court you. The area had a mixture of things that he liked and of things that he knew you would like. He hoped that you would accept this space as a place that you could nest and feel safe in when you go into heat (if you go into heat).

One of his favorite activities to do when nesting with you is to scent you. He's a very protective alpha so he doesn't like when you smell like others so when he gets the chance he'd scent you. In the proses of scenting you he'll accidentally rub up against you in the wrong way and that's when you feel his hard hitting you in the ass.

Of course he'd get horny when scenting you its Childe. In my own little omegavers lore omegas can "accidentally" go into heat if their alpha goes into their rut early, soo this hornyness from Childe triggered your heat "accidentally." Childe totally meant to trigger your heat because he wanted to finally get the chance to properly bread you.

Your heat triggered something primal in him. Basically his horny triggered your heat which triggered his rut lol. He'd def take care of you though before he takes care of himself when it comes to this happening. His dick is huge so your first time with him hurts a little but he helps you though it, carefully screeching you so that you could fit all of him, including his knot.

He loves breeding you raw, fucking you till your sore. Loves hearing you scream his name as he rams into you at an unforgiving pace. He would nip at the nape of your neck as if asking for permission to mark you as his mate. If you give him permission too he most definitely will sink his teeth into that spot when he knots you.

Knotting with him lasts a really long time so when he dose knot he makes sure it happens in a comfy position so that the two of you could cuddle and maybe even take a short rest. When it eventually softens, if you're asleep he'll pick you up and clean you up making sure that any injury you sustained during the process is cleaned and taken care of. He's really good at aftercare, loves taking care of his little omega.

When he's done cleaning up he'll take you back to his den and lay you in the nest you built while he cleans up what ever mess the two of you made on the other blankets. when all is said and done he'll get in the nest with you and cuddle you till your hearts content.

#genshin smut #only a little bit #genshin x reader #a/b/o smut #omegaverse #Alpha Childe #Omega or Beta reader #childe x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin fluff #genshin impact smut #genshin impact fluff

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

#🐢 #ask #anon ask #autism #actually autistic #advice #autistic #autism is a disability #its a spectrum #long post

[bobafett51]

I didn’t want to take this test. I wasn’t able to get reasonable accommodations for it. I’m autistic, I am prone to overstimulation when there’s a lot of lights, sounds, smells, touch, and other stimuli. The room Im in is full of stimuli. I always bomb every test I’ve ever taken in it.

After all, the room’s windows face the busiest road in the city. Outside the window is a bus stop that rings out everytime a bus comes. I can hear it every single time. It is a loud, piercingly aggressive and violent sound. Worse, I hear and feel every screech of the bus’ brakes as they slow down to let people off. People who talk loudly and in high pitches, like nails on a chalk board. Every 8-10 minutes there’s more bus screeching and ringing. The sounds of cars are constant as their tires pound on the pavement.

I can’t focus on my test. I start to hear everything, the sounds of pencils moving, the sounds of people typing on their keyboards, the creak of every chair, the rush of air from the slightest movement of paper. I start perceiving every sound, the only thing I can’t hear are the sounds of my thoughts. How can I hear them when everything else is so loudly assaulting my ears?!? The lights become too bright, they’re blinding. Everywhere I look light is violently penetrating and illuminating into my eyes, violating them. How can I read the question when the lights are so violently blinding me?!? My clothes, I made sure to wear comfortable clothes. The most comfortable clothes I had, but they start to itch. I start to feel every fiber of the fabric itching and scratching at every inch of my skin. I pick at my clothing but that just makes it worse. As the fabric touches my hand it agitates it. And when I let go the fabric just goes back to assaulting whatever body part it was choking before. How can I type my answer when every tactile sensation brings such agony?!? Living in the moment is good, but this? Feeling every single possible sensation of the moment?!? My brain can’t possibly process it. It gives up. I start rocking back and forth. My mind begins to melt. As my brain turns into an overstimulated puddle I can only focus on one thing, “MASK. I can’t let myself explode how I want to; I can’t ruin the testing environment for everyone else.” And so I suffer in quiet agony as I rock back and forth for an unknowable amount of time.

After a few minutes, or an hour, or maybe even two, I can’t tell, I finally compose myself enough to stumble into the hallway and to the private bathroom. I turn the lights off when I enter and just stand in the darkest corner with my hood over my eyes. I don’t know how long I stay there, but eventually I work up the courage to go back to my test. I sit down ready to finish the test with what time I have left. Then I hear the bus again, the violent, aggressive screeching of its brakes, the blaring yell of its signal that it’s stopping, the grating, aggressive voices of the people getting off. My mind begins to melt again.

#autistic experiences #send help #autistic meltdown #autistic shutdown #being autistic #autistic things #actually autistic #autistic community #autistic adult #autistic spectrum #autism #autistic artist #autistic writer #writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #neurodivergent #story #my story #creative writing #nonverbal #help #please help #disability #disabled #disabilties #americans with disabilities act #reasonable accommodation #disability justice #spilled ink

[definitelynotshouting]

I’ve been trying to grasp why I’ve been so in love with hunger au, and it wasn’t until looking up the lyrics to ‘ibuprofen’ to try and spoil the next chapter for myself (I am very good at making things up) that I figured out why.

Your World building is beautiful and I’m a massive sci-fi fan I thought that was why I was originally so invested, but I realized that the entire story (as of rn) can be read as a metaphor for a type of personality disorder?

This isn’t me saying that the story MUST be a metaphor, or even that you intentionally wrote it like that, but goddamn it does click some button in me like oh!!

Sometimes w personality disorders it feels like all you can do is hurt people. You’re carefully restricting your actions and expressions so you dont ever get too comfortable and hurt someone, but you inevitably fail and all you can do is feel bad because you were able to be yourself and meet some kind of internal satisfaction but the result is other people being hurt and you still aren’t happy cause that’s inherently a bad thing.

And then the logical conclusion is that you should never speak or hang out with people (or like. Live.) ever again because it’s not right to be hurting other people with your mere existence.

Idk if anyone else has mentioned this before but yeah that’s this for me lol. But!! Help exists!!! and Grian will get help too with his watcher tendencies after he realizes that his existence isn’t inherently detrimental and that there are solutions for his problems if he uses his big boy words and asks.

And no one will forgive him for what’s happened overnight, and those who forgive him will still have been hurt, and some of his relationships will be permanently altered because of the way he’s hurt them. But it’s not the end for him and it’s not the end for anyone else!!

Sorry this is so long! Idk if I should tag anything sensitive in case you decide to respond so Ima leave that to you— I’m a tumblr lurker I’ve been here for years but never commented on anything lol. Ty for the story, keep living laughing and loving (It’s what Grian would want apparently) and have a good one!

placing some obligatory tws here for those with post filtering: tw for discussions of mental health, personality disorders, and minor suicidal ideation (in the ask)

alright with that out of the way this is actually really validating for me to hear bc a lot of what you're seeing in this has been inserted very deliberately. While its not intended to fully be a metaphor for having a personality disorder, a lot of what's been depicted does draw on that, so im really glad this resonates with you!!

At its heart and core, hunger au is about the raw process of recovery, and how grueling but ultimately rewarding it is to commit to getting better. Showing this process through the fic is, i suppose, my way of holding the hand of everyone who is struggling with their own recovery and saying "i see you. i understand. you arent alone."

I cant overstate how humbled i am by everyone who has taken the time to tell me how theyve seen themselves in hunger au. And the fic is just getting started!!! The fact that people are resonating this hard with it at only 5 chapters in just blows me away. Its everything ive wanted for this fic. Thank you for taking the time to tell me this, because im truly so grateful that i am making an impact with it, no matter how small or personal.

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #compliments #genuinely cant tell yall how much it means to me that people resonate with so many aspects of hunger au #and that they feel seen and heard #idk thats just smth really special and i am cupping it in my hands so reverently #mental health #personality disorders #suicidal ideation #<- for those with tag filters n not post filtering #long post #txt

[bauhausluvr]

a lot happened today, good and bad, and im still processing it. but i'll try to retell it all below. warning: this will be long and graphic

major tw for self-harm

so i had class with M and everything was fine, I even got to talk with her a few times which i was really happy about. but later when we were doing our own thing, she got really fascinated with this one student which made me want to cry because i was jealous she was so intrigued and spent so much time with them. this student is also so much cooler than me so i understand why. i got super upset at myself for feeling this way, so with very little thought i left the room to go to the bathrooms and consequently slash my arm up

i had new blades and i was in such a state where i wasn't thinking so i wasn't careful with how i cut, i just wanted to do some damage, and i ended up bleeding much more than i usually would. once i saw how much blood there was on me and on the floor, i realised i had to stop the bleeding and used a bunch of paper towels to make it stop. eventually, unluckily for me, i ran out and spent a long time just rinsing my arm under the water (which in hindsight definitely prolonged the bleeding), but i couldn't go to the next stall for paper since there were people outside and it seemed to keep being taken.

had i not gone in the stall with barely any paper left i probably would've avoided this, but this led to me having to ask the people outside for paper and since i was kind of panicked i was saying i had a medical emergency, so this led to them getting a teacher down to check on me and basically the whole process of first aid coming down to bandage my arm n setting a welfare meeting for another day since this was at the end of the day.

what i didn't expect however was M to come down as well. i felt super embarrassed and ashamed once i saw her face, i didn't know how to react. but once she heard I was harming myself she came in to comfort me, even calling me her 'baby' when coming down and hugging me. i hugged her back tightly and sobbed into her shoulder, it was so comforting.. she has such a motherly charm its crazy. she soon revealed she also used to self-harm, even at work, which made me feel so much more at ease since i felt extremely bad about myself as i feel like i should've grown out of these feelings by now, but i clearly hadn't.

after all the paperwork and talk was done, i went back to her class to get my stuff back and found she edited my work and added her own little charm to it while i was gone (we were just playing around with an editing program) 😭. since everyone was gone by then i asked to talk w her alone and ppl kept coming in the class, so M grabbed my wrist gently and led me out somewhere where only us two can talk

i basically thanked her for her hug and all her kind words, and was sorry that she had to witness me at such a state. following this we talked for a little bit about her own struggles with self-harm and having to be sectioned, and about her thoughts on me which, i wish i could remember all the details, but i was so messed up i only remember it partly. regardless, it was lovely to hear and definitely what i needed at the time.

one of the best parts of this whole aftermath conversation was when i not-so-jokingly said i have mommy issues and she laughed saying "I KNOW" 😭😭😭. i was rlly taken aback by that so i stuttered and asked what made her come to that conclusion, and she basically just talked about stuff like my conservative mother and catholic upbringing which i brought up to her. she later said that she had her own struggles w her daughter and how she kinda sees that in me, to which i hesitantly said "i kinda wish you were my mum" and SHE SAID "me too right now" ?!!??"! IDK HOW I DIDN'T IMPLODE RIGHT THEN..

during this whole conversation we hugged so many more times and it was kinda awkward at one point cuz her lanyard got stuck on my cardigan LMFAO but it was so healing and awesome to talk w her about all this, even if i wish she didn't have to witness any of it. there's so much more i could say but if i gave all the details then this post would be 10x longer. obviously i didn't mention why i cut in the first place, and i'm contemplating even doing so to anyone cuz i don't want her taken away from me.

with all that said despite all the horrible stuff, something good came out of it and i'm grateful for that, although i worry it deepened my attachment to M even further....which honestly was inevitable at this point anyway.

[running-with-kn1ves]

OOH OOH HAPPY 1000 FOLLOWER MILESTONE LESSGO—sooo ive been seeing a lot of this go around in the yandere asmr community, so thats why im asking that maybe you could do your own version of the whole adopting a yandere scenario👉👈 (whenever i listen to these i cant help but think that what if the tour guide is actually the yandere amongst all yanderes in the place—makes me want to adopt him instead ngl🥲)

Yess!! I've honestly only heard a few of these ASMR prompts but they are really interesting... It opens up so much room for the different kinds and levels of yanderes. I'd love to make this like a multi- part thing, or like a match-up. That would be so cool :,0

I love the idea of the tour guide being a possible "undercover" yandere, who hasn't admitted to being one yet, or who is in 'recovery' and that's why they have the job.

Though, what about the yandere you're supposed to adopt? The levels range from dangerous to least harmful, with a mile-long list of different traumas and possessive traits. Prefer one who's least likely to kill you? The younger, more sensitive types are your style. How about one who could keep you in a suffocating cuddle for hours? There's plenty of those to go around. Best not to make eye contact with any you aren't planning on taking home with you, though. Once they set their eyes on something they want, well... you know how difficult it is to keep them away from it.

There's a month long process of different screenings and background checks, all to make sure you'll be a suitable home to rehabilitate your yandere. Different levels of tests will be given, each which make sure you can handle their extreme behaviors that range from mood swings to bursts of murderous rage. Adopting a yandere isn't like adopting a dog; no, rather its more like dealing with a jealous, insecure cat with knives for claws, that doesn't hesitate to threaten your family's lives if you dare to step outside of the house.

Adopting a calmer, more shy yandere with low self-esteem always appears to be the best option, but it has its undersides that often don't go noticed until its too late. . Their yandere traits come out in little ways, and at firstyou start to think its not so bad. That is, until the crying starts.

They are always crying, always begging you to stay near, to sleep in the same bed, to bathe together. And if you coddle them, the behavior only sticks. But there comes a point, where all their emotional baggage builds up, growing on top of the already mountain-high level of negative feelings they harbor. And eventually, they snap. It could be a nice Sunday evening when all of a sudden you find yourself with two broken legs, sobbing in your own basement. You think, how could this have happened? I did everything right; I gave them love and dried their tears when they cried, so why?

These types actually need a more stern, parental figure than someone who will excuse them. While on the other hand, the brutes, the more violent types, need someone patient and kind. These yanderes tend to go after darlings that are alluring, but not those who offer them kindness and a gentle hand. Though, be warned, you won't adopt these yanderes without some cuts and bruises in the process. They dislike affection at first, terrified of breaking down their walls, merely wanting to keep you in their view but not touching or conversing with you. But once you manage to get past their scarred exterior and their bite, you'll find nothing but a big softie underneath.

They enjoy spending their time with you, smothering you in material items and affection. These yanderes are often taken advantage of, and are quick to point fingers if you don't reassure them often enough. But other than their few sets of rules, these yanderes are the most capable of having an average life, as long as you can take being chained up every once in a while to satiate their fears.

Though you better have committed to this adoption by the time they bare their vulnerabilities, otherwise you might find yourself in a world of pain. These yanderes don't take betrayal likely, and may cause a bit more than a few scratches if they find out you intend to give them back.

And then there's the third level... The level that hardly ever gets adopted on account of their utter sadism and complete apathy for human life. These yanderes are the most dangerous and are regarded as the highly un-adoptable. They aren't allowed to be adopted by your average joe, and security clearance is a must to even witness them in person. They aren't safe to be moved into a home immediately, and trials must take place with you first before adoption is considered. These yanderes have often been returned a multitude of times, have committed crimes in mass quantities, or were never qualified for adoption to begin with due to their extremity.

These yanderes may range from entirely mute, to oddly charismatic. They come from a range of (usually traumatic) backgrounds, and tend to attach quickly without showing the usual signs. They're mass manipulators, and have no qualms about doing the extreme to keep you in their grasp.

#kn1ves rants #x reader #reader insert #writing #self insert #yandere x reader #yandere #male yandere #knives rants #yanderecore #yandere scenarios #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere writing #yandere x you #tw yandere #yandere x y/n #yandere male #yandere x darling #yandere female #fanfiction #yandere aesthetic #yandere oc

[healyh8ter]

just saw your take on the podcast and i agree. feel like even if it is satirical which some people are saying it is, there is a line and that line was crossed.

i’ve seen online that the hosts are jewish and gay so people were saying them two were allowed to make their jokes abt jewish ppl and gay ppl but honestly idk i try and stay off stan twitter because everything is taken out of context i never know what’s a good source.

listened to the whole episode myself and i only laughed once and it happened to be at matty getting caught jacking off because god that is just awkward. after that, there wasn’t anything funny in the actual episode and even if we’re all “a bunch of snowflake twitter stans” as we’re being called online like i’d rather that than be a bigot tbh.

are you staying away from the situation or are you actively debating it? i tried to share my thoughts on twitter but was told i do not understand satirical comedy or what centre-left politics are (even though i’m one of the most political and educated people you’ll meet) by some man so i left twitter for today.

not sure what to do because i am a massive fan of their music and hold it extremely close to me, it’s also my special interest as an autistic person and hard to give up easily- any advice? :)

hey there, im glad we agree on things and most people seem to agree with my take on here.

about the hosts being gay and jewish i have no clue but im literally a gay man and some of the comments he made about gay men i personally wasn’t offended? i just dont wanna be offended by such immature jokes. however everyones feelings are valid because some of the other jokes were pretty vile. im definitely not taking away from how women and other poc mentioned must feel right now. Its not great. i see u all and how horrible u must feel. im really sorry.

i agree about the twitter thing, stay outta there!! alot of information and statments wont be true or they’ll be twisted and also twitters just stressful as a whole, i saw incels attacking the 1975twt and alot ppl had to go private.

the podcast REALLY WASNT FUNNY, truly i don’t get the humour in it at alllll. i literally felt pure embarrassment and just cringed multiple times really did feel like a teenage boy conversation.

OH MY GOD! i get u about the special interest thing, it’s literally why i made this blog. i’d say dont bother debating especially on twitter. no matter what you’ll say someone will have an offhand comment to say and its not worth it. whatever you think is right stick by that. but if u do debate please be mindful of everyone and how they feel.

i know im definitely not abandoning this blog or my interest im just gonna stay vigilant of what part of the band i am supporting, i support the music and the art they make and even some points matt’s made in the past have been really good!!. i just don’t support certain things mattys said or done before and now. i’ve been a fan for a long while so theres alot i’ve stuck through in terms of matty being stupid. getting flashbacks to 2021

anyways i say do what u personally think is right. just stay respectful and mindful of others in the process!

#my ask #yup stay off twitter

[mmediocreman]

Hi!! I really love how your jjk illustrations gives so much emotions and your zine is extremely amazing I'm always blown away!!! Can you share your process on the zine? Like did you conceptualize/thumbnails all the artworks first or did you just made each illustrations as you go until you have enough for the zine? How long did it take you to do the whole book? I just love how they are so coherent like telling stories on each illus! THANK U SO MUCH FOR UR AMAZING ART!! <333

thank you so much! this was my most ambitious project to date, it makes me really really happy to hear that the people who got the zine enjoys it too!

the title came from yoko kanno's song for wolf's rain "Heaven's not enough" and that became the theme. my personal interpretation is that, even if geto got the equivalent of heaven for him, that might not have stopped him from making the same mistake as he did. i feel like theres a part of him that is actually more rotten than he would've liked to admit but he's covering that up with narrative of justice and self righteousness. I explored this theme into two main scenarios, for the comic, from gojo's perspective but this in itself is a paradox because the thought of gojo wanting to reach out to his best friend before all went to shit couldnt have happened without it having went bad in the first place. the second one is the set of illustrations with the theme "in another life" where if they were to be reincarnated, i feel like geto might still be haunted by his former self. the last set of illustration has this text

"in a world without cursed spirit, will you finally be able to laugh from the bottom of your heart? or will everything repeat once more, unable to break free from the curse. in a world without cursed spirit, will you finally be able to laugh from the bottom of your heart? or will everything repeat once more, cursed by life itself"

i have had several people pointed out that the mood my drawings carry are like a washed away bittersweet memory. and that might be what im trying to capture in the rest of the illustrations, moments that when you look back just seem so surreal and simple but also felt like it mightve been taken for granted. iirc it took me two weeks to finish the comics, i worked on the illusts even before i thought of making a zine, in between the comics and even when pre order was up. up until the last minute of printing i was still switching out the contents. theres some that i ended up posting on twitter early when i decided to take it out of the book too oh also! i put in flowers in the packaging to reference the bouquet of flowers gojo has in the 2nd op. tho its never been made clear for whom or what the bouquet was for but the signifiance of blue roses (its blue roses in the op but i had to pick a smaller flower to be mailed so i picked hydrangea) is "something that will never happen" and i think that fits in really well with the theme heaven is not enough. to me, what geto says he wanted might never happen, but maybe what his heart really wants were more simpler than that

i personally think skill wise my drawing is nothing fancy and i like to focus more on telling a story. to hear that my intention reached its vieweres is the highest compliment i can ever get. thank you again so much for getting my zine!

[rottytops]

so i finally, finally finally after like 3.5 years of talking about doing it, finally had my appointment for adhd and..it went really well. it was super easy to talk about my symptoms and the doctor was really nice and understanding too. i have another appointment with a psychologist and then one final doctor's visit where ill get medicated around may...its a lot longer than i would like it to be but in the grand scheme of things its like, in a few weeks ill finally have this awful experience of living with adhd put behind me

but like

i feel soooooooooooooo shitty

i think because the actual process was so quick and painless and easy it only took me like maybe an hour or even less than that for the whole visit but it took me OVER THREE YEARS to actually schedule the appointment. im so frustrated because the last few years have been some of the worst in my life where ive been so depressed and desponend and listless because i just. was unable to create anything. adhd has taken so much from me even before i was freelancing, its what fucked me up in school and nuked my experience in college. ive had these problems for so long and there's always been one root cause and all it took to deal with it was a one hour doctors appointment???

i guess im just upset because. if like, any adult in my life took me aside and asked me what was going on they probably could have figured out i had adhd really quickly, but no one ever did that, my parents just called me lazy and stupid and everyone else just assumed i was a slacker. if even one person really tried i could have done all of this years ago and not had to have suffered some of my worst experiences ever over my inability to focus!

i remember calling my mom in tears saying i think i have adhd i think thats why everything is happening the way it did, and she was like "...okay" and did nothing, and then, years later when i tell her yeah i got the appointment everythings in place she was like "pog!!! im so proud of you i knew you could do it yourself. whenever my kids come to me with a problem i just let them handle it alone because theyre so smart xD"

and itslike. do you have any idea how BADLY i would have killed for any sort of help AT ALL. if someone had sat with me and just helped me make the doctors appointment i could have been over this years ago!!!

aaaaa!!! but i cant just act like i did this 100% by myself, i had a lot of friends emphasize with me and tell me about adhd so i could make sure i knew i had it, and a friend gave me the clinic i could go to for screening and another friend told me the effects pills would have on me, etc, ect. ive had a lot of help from people in my life,but in regards to my family they either didnt do shit or punished me for my condition. it makes me so upset to think about

BUT

the worst of it is over, i did the hardest part myself, theres no point in gettng all torn up abt the past all i can really do is look forward to may where i can actually live my life witha functioning fucking brain holy shit. i guess i can get excited for that in spite of everything

if u read this far have a kiss. mwah

[audball]

This Is Gonna Make Me Sound Ungrateful But Idc. (Long post).

Two people in my family are major gift-givers. But the problem is, its to a fault imo.

For YEARS I have complained that I never have any room for the shit I Already Have. I am currently in the process of gathering up a bunch of shit to give to goodwill or whomever because i literally have NO place to put it. I do this every so often and every single time these two just completely undo it with their gift-giving no matter how many times I tell them not to.

My family, also, tend to keep a lot of pointless shit. I’m NOT calling them hoarders, thats an actual major mental illness which I don’t think they fall under. what they DO do, however, is they are the type where as long as you shove everything under a bed or in a closet, its “clean”. very “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. well, we’ve been doing that for so many years now that we no longer CAN put shit under our bed, we no longer CAN put shit in our closets. But every single year my father AND my brother, even tho everyone is ACUTELY aware of how i feel about this type of shit, gets me these Big gifts that take up all this space. OR its a bunch of Little shit that does nothing but sit on a shelf. like I appreciate the thought, its really nice, but at the same time i have had MULTIPLE meltdowns, M U L T I P L E, over how I NEED to get shit out of this goddamn house because my tiny-ass room is just covered in useless figures and items that do not Have a place to go. And don’t get me wrong, I Do get rid of stuff! Problem is, Christmas will come around again, and now all my progress was for Nothing while I get gifted all these giant video game pre-order figurines or special collectors edition whatevers or Another Gundam. None of which is asked for by me. And I’m not allowed to get mad!!!! Any attempts to tell these people “I JUST WANT MONEY OR GIFT CARDS PLEASE” is either disregarded Entirely, or is taken as a joke (usually taken as a joke no matter how much I basically Plead with them to not get me anything). Hell, honestly I don’t really want ANYTHING for christmas or birthdays or whatever. I’m a big girl, I make my own money, I can buy my own things. But if I get upset at the fact that I’m getting more shit thats just gonna get put on a shelf and forgotten about, I’M THE BAD GUY! I don’t care if I sound ungrateful or whatever. I Really, REALLY wish this shit would fucking STOP. I’m sick of having to play fucking Tetris in my tiny-ass little fuckin room that I’m in in this god-forsaken house just because if I decline or get rid of some big-ass knick-knack gift I’ll hurt someones fee fees. :( They always fuckin say too! “I have no idea what to get you anymore!!! :)))” HOW ABOUT PLEASE DON’T. IF I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS I WILL LET YOU KNOW. YOU  ASK ME FOR A LIST AS IT IS, WHATS THE POINT OF GIVING YOU THAT LIST IF UR JUST GONNA OVERLOAD ME WITH SHIT ANYWAY!!!! MAYBE LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY “I HAVE TOO MUCH SHIT ALREADY”. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING CHRIST. I SWEAR TO GOD THESE PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE DO NOT FUCKING LISTEN UNLESS IM ACTIVELY THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM LIKE A CHILD!!!!!!!! AND I FEEL SO TERRIBLE CUZ IM YELLING AND SCREAMING OVER BEING GIVEN GIFTS!!! I DONT MIND GETTING GIFTS BUT WHEN I HAVE NO ROOM: I. HAVE. NO. R O O M. AND ME DUMPING A BUNCH OF SHIT TO GOODWILL DOES *NOT* FUCKING MEAN I WANT MORE FIGURES THAT WILL JUST SIT THERE! I’M TRYING TO GET RID OF THIS SHIT SO I DON’T FEEL LIKE I’M CONSTANTLY LIVING IN A TRASH HEAP.

#idk #idc #i feel like such a spoiled brat but idgaf #we're not even upper-middle class either so its also kinda scary wondering how they're getting the money to pay for this shit with #cuz none of its cheap

[the-smiling-grinner]

hey uh dont read this 👍 TW vent

okay so basically everything has gone to shit. lets get a lil back story here

so ill be 17 soon (terrifying) and it will be almost 4 years sober of everything and i could not be more miserable. when i was 12 i abused perscription medication during the 2020 lockdown and in the process got into other things (cigs and alchol).

i dont really think that anyone understands how deep it goes. i mean think about it, a 12 yearold already suffering from halucinations, delusions and other things. on two kinds of anti psychotics, drinking, smoking and taking way to many pills. its pretty messed up.

my parents had never been the best but a brain tumour caused my mother to become abusive. i dont remember much of 2020-2021 bc i was either high, drunk, in a psychotic episode or sometimes all three. but i remember some things and the things i do remember are bad. it got so bad that i barely knew what was going on half the time.

safe to say my appearence was less than ideal. i wore a covid face mask constantly. even when you stopped having to at school. and i still wear it. simply bc i know people will make fun of me for it more than they already do if i take it off. as much as i want to stop wearing it, i know i cant.

my hair was dyed black and greasy, my achne was bad and my teeth were messed up. i was over weight, then under weight, then over weight again. i was hidious. evey photo taken of me, i looked through the camera. i had nothing left behind my eyes. i was so close to giving up entirely.

my mother had her brain tumour removed and my life was starting to take shape again. thats when she came in. she was beautiful in every way. i hated her but i loved her all the same. she caused me so much pain but it felt great.

it seemed like a good idea at the time. to date her. but i soon deacovered that she was not like she seemed. in many ways ill not describe. she ripped me appart, absolutly gutted me from the inside. i developed FND (look it up i cant be bothered explaining). my life was starting to go down hill again. i felt sick constantly. my halucinations were terrible and my mental state was even worse. i had sezures and headaches every day.

then we broke up. it was drawn out and long but to leave it all behind was freeing. i felt free for the first time in months. then she back stabbed me. i wont say what happend but this is the reason i can not trust people. my paranoia is through the roof. i constantly think about how everyone is conspiring against me and that they arent really my friends.

anyway. enough about her.

i am lonely and i fear that i will always feel this way. i have friends and a boyfriend yes but they also have friends. my halucinations icolate me. i behave agressively and erratically. nothing as bad as 2021 and 2020 but still bad.

i dont know what to do so i throw myself into school. its all i really do anymore. that and pretend i have friends. i sit at the kitchen bench and speak to no one. i have many friends there. i can act how i want and they like it. i have no one to talk to about this.

i try to talk to God but i feel bad burdening him with it like i am with everyone else. i dont feel good enough for God or any one for that matter.

im nothing like the pretty Christian girls on tiktok who look so pure and sweet. the look so kind. true women of God. i am not. i try to be but it never works out. i look scruffy, my hair is always messed up, i wear weird clothes, im rude, i cuss way too much and im just not a very nice person to be around.

i want to be tho. more than anything i want to be kind. i want to be good enough. and it doesnt even seem like im trying.

i really want cigs and alchaol. to medicate like i did all those years ago but i cant. sinning every day with small things is bad enough but those are worse.

i do my best in school and thats enough. it makes me feel like enough. im good at school. im good at it. im not good at many things but im good in school. i got dux in two subjects last year and finished top 10% of my grade. thats enough right?

every day i feel my sanity slowly slipping away. being replaced by paranoia and horrible halcinatoins. i tell myself that ill never get as bad as i was back then but deep down, i want it. bc this time, people would see it. they would know how bad it is and how my jokes are just a cry for help.

i have been put on more medication as of recently and im scaired. i dont know what it will do to me. will it kill me? will it make me put on weight? who knows. ive already had bulimia i dont need it again.

on top of this, im loosing my best friend. i can see how much they suffer. i can see how bad it is for them. they have made heaps of new friends recently and i am so happy for them but we so rarely talk now. when we do, its great. we used to see eachother every weekend, now we dont. i ask first to hang out and i feel bad, like im forcing them. i dont want to force them.

there was more i could have done for them that night. if it wasnt for those drugs. those fucking drugs. the dugs that i took to take me away from everything. to make me happy. but i wasnt happy. i was insane. i was deranged. surely anyone who looked at me could see it. that night i ripped out 4 teeth. one of them was an adult tooth. a mf adult tooth. i tore out a tooth. i was 13 by then.

i have to make my parents happy and when i dont i feel bad. i want to make my dad happy and go to his house but i hate that house. i want to make my mum happy but it always ends in an argument. i want to make my friends happy but i cant and if they can find friends to make them happy. then thats okay.

i just dont know anymore. everything is so blury. the paranoia is imence. i hate it. anyway. hope no one actually reads this.

there is SO much more but this is all for now

[dothemindything]

see youre kind of only giving me more evidence towards my original concern theory, because i kind of figured the only time you would need physical restraints wouldve been if you were otherwise distracted! but i guess that assumption kind of also went against my earlier argument, which is that the answer is not always doing the mindy thing and sometimes theres a simpler solution!!!! i can only imagine how tempting it is when you have the coolest power imaginable, but i think sometimes its like using a hammer to smash a screw in. so like youre your own person and youre allowed to make your own choices, so i cant say what youre ““supposed”” to do, but i think the best the wolf would be able to offer you is a bigger hammer (in addition to all the additional grief and aggravation associated with interacting with him). soooo basically what im saying is that i hope dirks code thingy works!!!!!!!! i wish i could help but i think id be even worse than you, but i have full faith in dirks capabilities (@o@)b

IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE FAITH EITHER. AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE YOUR THEORETICAL AID. IT'S JUST FRUSTRATING FOR ME TO DO NOTHING. TO ALWAYS DO NOTHING, ALL THE TIME. I FEEL USELESS. AT LEAST IF I'M HAMMERING AT SOMETHING, THE SCREW MIGHT BUDGE. MAYBE THE FRAMEWORK SPLINTERS, BUT IT'S AN EFFECT.

BACK IN THE OTHER BUBBLE, MY PETS RELIED ON ME. I HAD THE GARDEN TO TEND TO. BASIC RESPONSIBILITIES. BUT HERE, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THAT. EVERYTHING'S ALWAYS TAKEN CARE OF, AND NOW EVEN OUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IS OUT OF MY HANDS. I OFFER NOTHING. I AM UNNEEDED, AND THIS PROCESS GOES ON WITHOUT ME, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. FORWARD MOTION AROUND MY STAGNANT CORPSE, UNBUDGING.

I FEEL IMMENSELY LOST. THIS IS WHY GHOSTS ARE SUPPOSED TO FADE, I'VE ALWAYS THEORIZED. IF WE STICK AROUND TOO LONG, WE LOSE DIRECTION. WE LOSE MEANING.

WAITING IS KILLING ME MORE THAN BLOOD LOSS EVER HAS.

#fatalroyale #ask