#i find myself. continually just amazed at the way this show frames these relationships

[asendingtothestarsasone]

Gentle Sin

Summary: A flat mate wanted listing sends you on a journey that leads you into the arms of the sweet but protective Jake.

Pairings: Jake Kiszka x Female Reader

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI

Oral (female receiving), Uprotected Sex, Assault, Dirty talk, Biting, Hair pulling, Mentions of Alcohol

*This is my first fanfic/smut. Thank-you so much for reading and let me know if you want a part two*

When I saw the listing, I thought it could not be more perfect. 

Two musicians were in search of a flat mate for their spacious 3-bedroom house, featuring a generous bedroom, bath, and even a hot tub on a large balcony—all for just $250 a week. Being someone dedicated to learning guitar and nurturing my singer-songwriter aspirations within the confines of my bedroom, this opportunity felt like a gateway to fully immerse myself in Nashville's vibrant music scene. 

Knocking on the door, I was met by a captivating sight—a man with long, wavy brown hair, a striking face adorned with big doe brown eyes, and an enchanting smile. As he extended his hand for a shake, I could not help but feel the warmth of his soft yet calloused fingertips. 

"Hello, I'm Y/N. I'm here for the room viewing." 

"Yes, of course. Nice to meet you. I am Jake. Come inside, and I'll show you around." 

As Jake guided me through each room, his sweet demeanor captivated me. The house had a unique decoration style, blending modern and '70s aesthetics, with framed posters on the walls and electric guitars displayed proudly. Finally, we reached a white room at the end of the hallway, featuring a large bed with beautiful linens and a fur throw. 

"So, this would be your room if you decide to take it. It's filled with sunlight, and there's this lovely old desk for you to use." 

"That would be perfect for my music writing. It's a beautiful spot." 

"Oh, you're into music too?" 

"I wish I were a musician. I do it in my bedroom, but I dream of playing in front of people. I've been learning guitar as well." 

"That's great. I play guitar in a band with my brothers. I could teach you some things if you're interested." 

"Wow, yes, that would be amazing. I will definitely take the room now. 

"Perfect. I'll message you all the details in the next few days, and once you're settled in, we can have a jam session." 

"Sounds perfect. See you soon." 

"See you soon, Y/N." 

As I carried my last box into the new place, a sense of satisfaction washed over me. Seated on my bed, I thought, 'This is going to be good for me. Change is a good thing.' After a challenging previous relationship, being on my own to focus on my dreams felt like the right step. 

Over the next few days, I unpacked and transformed my room into a cozy haven. Yet, I had not interacted much with my new flat mates, who were both away on road trips playing gigs. 

The following day, a knock on the door revealed a tall man with short black hair, an eyebrow piercing, and deep blue eyes—Nick. 

"Sorry, I couldn't find my key. You must be Y/N." 

"Yes, I am. I just moved in a few weeks ago." 

"Hi, I'm Nick. Are you from Nashville?" 

"No, I'm from a small town in Michigan called Milford. What about you?" 

A voice chimed in from behind, and I turned to see Jake entering. 

"Wait, you're from Milford?" 

"Yeah, I grew up there." 

"No way, I grew up in Frankenmuth with my brothers. That's where we started our band in our parents' garage." 

Nick laughed, "And you never really made it out of there, did you?" 

"Hahaha. Good to see you as always, Nick." 

Jake suggested, "So, you guys hungry? I was thinking we could go out for some dinner, maybe a drink or two, or three." 

"Hell yeah," Nick exclaimed. 

"I'm down," I replied. 

As our nights out continued, the dynamics between us became more apparent. One evening, after dinner and a couple of drinks, Jake opened up about his musical journey. He shared the challenges of balancing artistic integrity with the demands of the industry. It became evident that he was not only a talented musician but also someone deeply passionate about the craft. 

Meanwhile, Nick's charisma was undeniable. Over drinks, he revealed that he was the lead singer of a rock band that had gained local recognition. He spoke animatedly about the thrill of performing in front of a roaring crowd, but there was an underlying competitiveness in his tone, especially when Jake's accomplishments were brought up. 

In the following days, as Nick's band went on tour, Jake and I spent more time together in the house. Our shared love for music created a natural connection, and Jake became not just a roommate but a mentor. He patiently guided me through chord progressions, song structures, and the art of storytelling through music. It was during these moments that a deeper bond formed, one that transcended the shared space we inhabited. 

Late nights turned into early mornings filled with laughter, music, and meaningful conversations. Jake's stories of his own musical journey, the ups, the downs, and the lessons learned, resonated with my own aspirations. It was in these moments that I realized our connection was evolving into something more profound. 

However, the peaceful harmony we were creating was disrupted when Nick returned from his tour. His demeanor had shifted – he was constantly drinking, and his once-charming confidence now bordered on arrogance. Nick's attempts to impress me became increasingly apparent, and his behavior towards Jake grew confrontational. 

Tensions escalated one evening when Nick, fueled by alcohol and jealousy, made snide remarks about Jake's music, and questioned his dedication to the craft. The atmosphere in the house became tense, and it was clear that the friendly camaraderie we once shared was threatened by Nick's insecurities. 

Amidst the growing discord, Jake and I found solace in our shared passion for music. We retreated to the balcony, away from the brewing storm inside. Under the starlit Nashville sky, Jake expressed his concern about the strained atmosphere and Nick's changing behavior. As we spoke, the undeniable connection between us became palpable, and the unspoken understanding deepened. 

In the days that followed, Jake and I continued to immerse ourselves in music. He shared not only technical knowledge but also the emotional nuances that make a song resonate. Our collaboration on songwriting projects became a therapeutic outlet, a sanctuary away from the brewing tension within the house. 

As the divide between Jake and Nick grew, it became clear that Nick's feelings for me were a driving force behind the conflict. The once vibrant energy of the house was now overshadowed by the growing animosity between the two musicians, leaving me caught in the middle of an unfolding drama that threatened to disrupt the harmony we had cultivated. 

 

One night, as I stepped out of the shower and hastily threw on some clothes, I heard a commotion downstairs. Curious and concerned, I headed down the stairs, only to witness Nick and his friend barging through the door. His friend continued down the hall, while Nick stood there, demanding my attention. 

"Come down here, Y/N, I need to talk to you," he insisted. As I descended the stairs, he began making inappropriate advances, emphasizing how beautiful I was and suggesting I deserved someone better. 

Uncomfortable and distressed, I asked him to stop, but he ignored my pleas. In that unsettling moment, Jake intervened, stepping up behind me. 

"Don't touch her, Nick," Jake warned. There was a silent exchange between them, a look that conveyed an unspoken rule. However, Nick's response was aggression, pushing Jake to the brink. 

As Nick lashed out, hitting Jake, and causing blood to flow from his nose, panic set in. I screamed for Nick to stop, but it only fueled his anger. Desperation took over, and I found myself standing between them, pleading for peace. 

In a fit of rage, Nick struck me and shoved me into the wall. Jake, driven by a protective instinct, retaliated, unleashing a torrent of punches on Nick until he crumpled to the ground. Frantically, I tried to pull Jake away, begging him to stop. Locking eyes with him, I implored, "Look at me, Jake. Please, stop." 

Something in his gaze shifted, and he paused, realizing the extent of the chaos. He looked down at his bloodied hands and whispered, "Oh my God, what have I done?" 

In the aftermath, Nick's friend emerged from the bathroom, appalled by the scene. He helped Nick up and ushered him out the door. Tears streaming down my face, Jake wiped them away and we clung to each other in silence, processing the whirlwind of emotions. 

 

Finally finding words, Jake apologized sincerely, expressing disbelief that anyone would dare to harm me. We sat in quiet solidarity, grappling with the aftermath of the violent encounter. He eventually stood up, gently pulling me into his room.  

We perched on the edge of the bed, and Jake began cleaning up the remnants of the blood. Once the task was complete, he sat next to me, wiping away the tears that still streamed down my face. As he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, I impulsively grabbed his chin and kissed him. The warmth of the kiss provided solace after the pain that had just unfolded. 

He pulled away, a question in his eyes, "Are you sure you want to do that... now?" 

I responded with conviction, "I have never been more sure of anything." He cupped the back of my neck, and we shared a powerful kiss that felt like a healing balm for the wounds we had both endured. It was almost overwhelming, a moment of profound connection in the chaos. 

I kissed him back trying to match his fire but he pushed my back on the bed and soon he was on top if me kissing me with such intensity. He trailed kissed down my neck until I was moaning. Running his fingers through my hair I was overwhelmed with sensations. I could feel his cock getting hard against me which make me let out a moan. He pulled my shirt over my head “can I touch you?” “please” he cupped my breast and squeezed it running his fingers over my nipple while he bit into my neck. 

I was starting to get wet, then he pulled off my skirt and ran his hand over my panties “is this, okay?” “Yes, please don't stop” he pulled my panties down and started laying a trail of kisses from neck down to my pussy. Then started running circles over my clit with his tongue so slow and delicately I was losing it. 

I came hard and felt my wetness pooling. He brought two fingers up to my entrance and slowly put them inside me. The feeling of being filled up by his fingers with his tongue on my clit was too much and I came again.  

He then brought his fingers up to his mouth and licked them clean. He came back up and kissed me so sweetly "can I fuck you"  "please fuck me I want you so bad" and he pulled his boxers down and lined up with my opening. He kissed me on the lips so passionately and pushed his cock inside me. The feeling was too much. 

He immediately filled me all the way up until I could not take anymore, and I moaned with pleasure. He started kissing my neck again and biting me while fucking me hard and deep “oh Y/N you feel so fucking good” he cupped my breasts and squeezed them while trusting into me. 

Then he grabbed a handful of my hair and gave it a gentle pull and layed into me so hard it feel like heaven ”fuck I am going to come” “come for me baby” “come all over my cock” just like that I was putty in his hands I came hard digging my nails into him "good girl" fuck this man was magic.  

I have never felt like this before he whispered in my ear “fuck you feel so good I'm going to come” “please come inside me” “you want me to fill you up baby?” “Yes, I'm begging you” he came so hard inside me I could feel his cock pulsating.  

As he pulled out of me the warm liquid rushed out, he got a towel to clean me up and after I was all cleaned up, he pulled me into a cuddle and played with my hair just as I was falling asleep I heard him whisper “I want to keep you Y/N, forever” 

#greta van fleet #jake kiszka #danny wagner #sam kiszka #josh kiszka #greta van fleet fic #gvf smut #gvf fanfiction #gvf fic #jake kiskza x reader #jake kiska fic #greta van fic #greta van smut #greta van fluff #gentle sin #x reader #y/n

[smolwritingchick]

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 49- Distressed

Chapter Summary: Jen briefly goes home to see her family but things go downhill when sasaengs decide to follow her and crash her sister’s big performance

Words: 10,000+

Genre: Some angst due to drama that occurs but ends in Major Jungkook fluff!

-------

"You know...I always ask myself if this was even worth it."

"Jennie, things are going to be just fine. There are tons of idols and even your favorite celebs that have gone through this. It will be okay, I promise."

"Will it? I just...I just feel like as I continue to get famous, it'll cause more strain like this in my relationship with my family. This stuff cannot happen again. That was too wild. People could've gotten hurt, Hobi."

'A few days earlier'

ARMY were going insane on Twitter and Tumblr about Jennie's alleged ultimate male sasaeng from South Korea.

One of the popular BTS fan Twitter accounts started a thread, posting various photos to show proof:

'Why we need to protect Jennie from @/MissBangtansHusband !!!!!'

'This guy has been obsessed with her since debut and it's absurd to read all the disturbing comments he's made about her. This guy cannot be around our Miss Bangtan. ARMY, we need to stop him at all costs!'

'He is delusional and needs some serious help. He actually is claiming that he's planning an arranged marriage with her and already has a wedding ring for her.'

'And he claims that she'll be the future mother of his kids. Can someone take one for the team and kick him in the balls?'

'He's made disgusting sexual comments about her on his social media, and always tries to follow her whenever he can. HE WAS ON THE SAME PLANE AS HER COMING TO AMERICA! But thankfully ARMY managed to block his way, pissing him off.'

'He fetishes her and it's so revolting. He even tried to find out where her family lives, which is super scary, tag big hit so they can try to do something! Protect her!'

'And guys, he has tickets to one of the Red Bullet American shows. So, we all need to be extra alert. Like if you can try to take his ticket and rip it up, do that!'

"Welcome back, boo!"

"Oh, so you're not acting professional, today?" Jennie teased as she hugged Diana, outside the airport. 

How long has it been since she had seen her manager? Diana always had a variation of personalities. Her professional one was when she was in manager mode, concentrated on work, never playing around and always serious. But when she's not working, she turns into her joyful nature, where she's more talkative, laughs a lot, and looks happier.

She was offered to work with Big Hit and focus on managing BTS whenever any of the members arrived in America, handling any business in the US. Jennie was thrilled and was looking forward to Diana meeting the boys. Maybe that will be when she can just remain her outgoing self.

Jen always thought she was too serious and it was always a surprise to see Diana so lively when she's not invested in her work. She can almost guarantee that when Diana meets BTS, she'll be as goofy as them. She also had a feeling she'd be the closest with Taehyung and Hobi.

Jen studied Diana with a smile. She looked the same, tall, and curvy but had a new curly weave on her head. It framed her face well. Diana would always be picky about the best brands of hair. She also looked muscular, thanks to working out with her husband.

To this day, Jen is still amazed that three kids came out of her. A three year old girl and two boys who were seven and ten.

When they were in the car, Diana made her way to Jennie's house, driving through the streets of Philly. They caught up in the car, with Miss Bangtan telling her goofy stories about the members, the prank war and even about the Shin incident a few days after filming Yaman TV.

"Now if I were you, I would've punched him. But you did well, you handled it well. I'm extremely proud of you. Don't let no man disrespect you." Diana praised. 

She showed Jennie her phone, to display recent pictures of her kids when they were at a red light.

"They're getting so big. And cuter." Jennie gushed.

"They miss you. Next time you're back up here for the Red Bullet tour, you must come to our house so you can see them. They always ask about you. Darius still has a big crush on you. I dunno what it is about you but he's always asking, 'Is Jennie coming back soon?'"

"Aw." Miss Bangtan let out a laugh. "What can I say? I have that special charm."

"I think it's because you actually listen to his absurdity about becoming a WWE wrestler. Why do you keep hyping him up? He always changes his mind about things."

"Hey, that's our future WWE Champion, you're talking about."

"I can't stand you." Diana laughed.

Abruptly, Keyshia Cole's Got to Get My Heart Back, came on the radio, causing them to get excited. The two of them would always sing R&B throwbacks from the likes of Fantasia, Mary J Blige and much more when they were together. Jen always asked Diana why she hadn't pursued singing because her vocals were powerful, but was told that she preferred to sing for fun and liked working as a manager.

"I'll sing the first verse," Jennie called dibs.

"Nope. You always want to shy away from the second verse. I'll do the first one. You do the second. I want to hear you use them lungs. I know you can sing those high notes."

"Why!?" She complained

"End of discussion!" She sternly shouted, causing Jennie to roll her eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me, little girl. I know Miss Bangtan has pipes. Show me."

"I know." Diana started to sing heartily.

"Where I." Jen focused on the background vocals.

"Went wrong."

"When I."

"...loved you, more than I loved myself. I would have done anything for you. Aye, aye, aye, aye."

Jennie smiled softly as she listened to her sing. She missed this. It's been so long and it brought back fun memories of the car rides they would share, over the years.

"And I learned..." Diana continued the verse.

"When I."

"Realized."

"You didn't love."

"Me the way that I loved you but now I know. It hurts inside."

"Aye, aye, aye, aye."

"Aye, aye...aye. Got to get my heart back to..."

"The way it..."

"Used to love."

"The way it..."

"Used to be."

"And the way it..."

"Used to feel."

"Before I..."

"Fell in love." They sang collectively, as they swayed in their seats while Diana continued to drive.

"Fell in love with you. Got to get my heart back to. The way it. Used to love. The way it. Used to be. And the way it. Used to feel. Before I fell in love. Fell in love with you."

She turned to Jennie and shouted, "Sing!"

Shooting her a playful annoyed look, Jennie sang out, "All I want is true love."

"Okay!" Diana nodded as she continued to listen, causing Jen to crack a smile.

"Couldn't tolerate no more."

"Sing it!"

"Loving someone who couldn't learn to love somebody else. That's why my heart ain't been the same, aye, aye."

"Come through!"

Jennie managed to suppress her laughter as she proceeded to sing. She missed it when Diana hyped her up when it came to singing and dancing. She hoped that she'd never change.

"I see right now. Where it's heading down."

"Let him know!"

"The same road, I've seen before. But no one told me that it would hurt this way." Miss Bangtan continued before successfully singing strongly, "And my life wouldn't be the same~."

Diana nodded in approval and smiled brightly as she heard the high note. Jennie progressed a lot with her vocals and she was so proud to hear the improvement.

"That's why I gotta get my heart back to...The way it used to love! The way it used to be! The way it used to feel before I fell in love. Fell in love with you."

"Good, now handle the rap." Diana instantly requested.

"Bruh!" Jen widened her eyes. She thought she would take care of the rap.

"Rap!"

Thinking about all the rapping lessons Yoongi taught her so far, Jen used that to her advantage as she effortlessly rapped, "You ain't gotta lie. You see me lookin' fly. You want me on your arm. Well, I ain't got the time. I've seen it all baby, I've been around the world and it's a cold game everywhere around the world. I've seen n*ggas get crossed up cause they the realist. And all the realist n*ggas in the streets ain't got no feelings. It comes from being neglected and I'm so alone. I'm in my own zone, tryna get my heart back."

"Yes! Now that is what I'm talking about." She praised. "Finally! Major improvement. I'm a pleased manager. Your singing has gotten so much better. And your rapping is up there. Wow, I'm impressed. What are they teaching you down in SK?"

"Everything. Tiring, but worth it."

"Keep it up, I'm so proud of you."

"That means a lot, coming from you."

"You know, you've grown a lot since SongStress. Big Hit is a great company for you. I'm looking forward to seeing what else BTS will do in the future."

Arriving home, Jennie immediately was welcomed by her mom, who ran up to her, to hug her tightly.

"My baby!" Her mom screamed.

"Ow, not too tight!" Jen exclaimed as she was attacked with kisses all over her face. "Aw, Mom! That's enough! Come on!"

"I missed you, so much! I'm so glad you're here!"

"I'm glad I'm here, too. Nothing like home."

"Ah, there she is." Her dad embraced her. "How you doing, kiddo?"

"I'm a little jetlagged but I'm fine." She sat down on the couch, sighing in contentment as the soft fabric felt nice against her back.

"How are the boys? Any comebacks soon?" Her mom asked

"Yep! We have a Japanese comeback. Once I leave here, I'll be going straight to Japan so we can film. And then soon we'll be back in Seoul for the Dope comeback. I'm excited for that. We have big things planned."

"Oh my gosh, make sure you send me the live stream links! I cannot wait! Look at you, going to Japan and all that. The eight of you are getting bigger. Doesn't that scare you?"

"A little, but as long as I touch people with my vocals and dancing, that's all that matters to me. I'm content."

"Oh, tell her about the Korean foods." Her dad spoke up.

"Oh yeah!" Her mom beamed. "We've been trying out different kinds of Korean Food. I'm very impressed at how delicious it is. Your father is struggling to use the chopsticks, though."

Jennie couldn't help but laugh as she imagined her dad dropping the food and misusing the chopsticks.

"All right, let's not get into all that, hon. Anyway, how's working at Bighit? You're not overdoing it, are you?"

"Not really. We're just tired from the schedules. Although I'm a morning person, it still is tiring to always wake up so early," Jen answered. "And with the comeback, some of us are a little irritable, making sure everything is top notch. But I'm not overworking myself. I'm eating, I'm staying hydrated, and I'm trying to get enough sleep. I'm fine. I won't drop down from exhaustion like that day, I promise."

"You better not. I always worry. So, any boys, yet?" Her dad grinned.

"You always ask me this. Is this going to be a trend, where every time I come here, you'll ask me that?" She giggled

"Well, you're a beautiful girl, I'm kind of surprised no one has swept you off your feet yet."

"Yeah, well patience is a virtue. No boys yet."

"There's no rush, you'll find someone." Her dad turned to her mom and smiled, holding her hand. Jennie watched them as a small smile came across her face.

"I've been meaning to ask this," she spoke up, making her parents give her their attention. "How did you two get together, anyway?"

"He was stalking me."

"She was stalking me."

Her parents teased each other before smiling tenderly.

"Your father had a big crush on me."

"You liked me too, admit it."

"Oh, be quiet. We met in high school. I had an English class with your dad and worked on a project. He was so talkative. We became close afterward and ended up being best friends. I didn't like him at first but he liked me. It was so obvious. During our junior year, he asked me to prom and I said yes. A beautiful night it was. He looked handsome. Had that big afro, too. It was where we had our first kiss. He was so charming, I couldn't resist and then we started dating."

"Who knew the love of my life was my best friend." Her father mentioned

"That's...really cute. Cheesy cute. Like a movie, sort of." Jen added.

"Who knows, maybe the love of your life will be your best friend." Her dad suggested

Jen shrugged. "Doubt that. I don't think I'll be dating anytime soon. No one wants me."

"That's precisely what I said when your grandmother proposed that. And look what happened. So, you never know, your lover might be right in front of you. Could be watching you, just waiting for the right moment. Don't be so quick to assume no one likes you. A young man could be admiring you when you're not looking. Try to pay attention to how guys make you feel. If your heart flutters or if you smile often at one specific guy than the others."

"I was in denial for a while when your father told me he liked me." Her mom spoke. "But I kept thinking about him and realized, this man makes me happy and I'm in love with him, too." She added, kissing her husband

"Ew." Jennie cringed. "Love is weird. Too mushy. Ain't happening."

"You won't be saying that when you start dating~! Being in love with someone as special as your best friend, for instance, it's a powerful feeling. Being with your father brings so much joy to my heart. Nothing has changed since we started dating. Jennie, when you start dating, you'll be smooching-"

"Mom! Stop, no, hush! I don't want to hear it!" She covered her ears while they laughed at her. "Where's V and 'Lani?"

"Upstairs, probably with their headphones in as usual. Those two will end up deaf before they're 25."

"Guess I'll surprise them." Jen got off the couch and went right upstairs.

As she would usually do when she was younger, she barged right into their room, causing her sisters to look at the door. Seeing Alani resting on her bed, Jen jumped right on top of her.

"Cannonball!"

Alani let out a loud groan while Vienna laughed. "Really!?"

"Hi! Hi! Did you miss me!? Did you miss me!?" The idol tried to annoy her as she held onto her tightly.

"V! Get her off!"

"Hahaha, nope!" Vienna cackled.

"Oh, mah God!"

After she was done giving out her love to Alani, Jen went straight to Vienna, jumping on top of her, in her bed, to do the same.

"Lani help!"

"No, since you didn't help me, I won't help you. You're on your own."

After Jen was done, she settled on Vienna's bed. 

"We missed you, JW. How's Seoul?" Vienna asked.

"To tell you the truth, I'm tired but I'm loving every second of working at Big Hit. So, I can't really complain. I'm just glad I get a couple of days to chill, hang with you, all."

"You're breaking out." Vienna checked out her face.

"I know. Teenage problems."

"I think it's the smarties." Alani joked.

"It's not the smarties!" Jennie exclaimed. "Don't blame the smarties!"

"So touchy."

"How's college for you guys, right now?"

"Oh, are you gonna tell her?" Alani asked Vienna in a scolding tone.

"Look, it's not as bad as it seems." Vienna tried to defend herself

"Oh, it was bad. Very serious."

"Uh, what happened?" Jen raised a brow.

"Well..." Vienna hesitated. "There was this guy and we hooked up and uh, well, there wasn't any protection and I kind of...had a little pregnancy scare, but my acting class went well, I got an A after the semester ended." She tried to laugh it off

It took a few seconds for her statement to register in Jennie's head before she started to freak out and worry. "Wait, what? What!? Huh!?"

Vienna laughed nervously. "Shh, shh, shh, it's okay, things are fine."

"That was exactly my reaction, Jen. I was so mad at her." Alani added, shaking her head.

"How in the heck, why?!"

"Relax, relax, it's okay, Jennie." Vienna tried to calm her down. "I'm fine. It was just a scare. Don't tell mom and dad, let's keep it between us. We're taking it to the grave. Just uh, make sure when you start becoming sexually active, just use protection, mkay? Mkay. So! The weather is so nice, today, is it?"

"Absurd. Fix it, Jesus." Alani rolled her eyes.

"Goodness, V. I'm glad you're okay. Just chill for a while, all right?" Jen sighed. "How are you and your boyfriend, Lani?"

"Oh, we're fine. Trying to keep it as private as possible. He's very sweet."

"They're so cringeworthy, together. Like ugh, it makes me want to throw up." Vienna complained

"Well, once you start dating instead of hooking up, you'll understand why doing cute things like holding hands and going on dates is fun."

Vienna turned to Jennie. "Dating advice, don't date. Just hook up."

"Don't listen to her. Find a good guy and date him."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Um, yes."

"Um, no."

"Stay away from these fuck boys, Jennie. They're slick."

"You know, speaking of fuck boys..." Jen spoke up and told them about the Shin incident, causing both sisters to laugh out loud at how she shut him down.

"I'm weak! I wish I could've seen his face. That's what he gets." Alani cackled.

"I know right? Oh yeah, there are some BTS fans at Drexel. ARMY, right? They asked us questions if we were your sister." Vienna added. "It was funny. I got some new followers on Instagram, too. Very enthusiastic fans."

"Really? That's interesting. I just hope they don't bombard you." Jen started to ponder about negative scenarios

"Nah, it was fine. If we do have a problem, we'll let you know. But I kind of like having all these new followers. I get so many likes and comments. I feel like a celeb. I'm Insta famous."

Alani sighed and shook her head. "I swear, she is such a social media, hoe."

Vienna laughed. "She's just jealous, Jen. I can see it on her face. Not my fault I got over 80K followers and counting."

"I have my Instagram on private, that's why I only have 300+ followers." Alani asserted. "And Jennie has over what? 1 million?"

"So far, yeah." Jen nodded.

"I'm so happy you're here to support me in my play tomorrow night." Vienna beamed. 

She managed to audition and snag the lead role in The Phantom of the Opera as Christine Daae. She was so happy that she cried when she saw the audition results. 

"I am sincerely appreciative that you were able to take some time off to come see me," she went on. "I know how busy you are with BTS. And that you can't always make it to family events or whatever, but I just want you to know that I am excited that you are here. The play is going to be so much fun, tomorrow. And it's going to be even better knowing that you will be in the audience watching me."

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it." Jen gave her a tight hug.

"Oh, so, what about me? I'm going to be in the audience too!" Alani exclaimed, causing the two of them to laugh. They gestured for her to come over to join in on the hug as they sat on Vienna's bed.

"College is so expensive," Vienna complained.

"You're telling me. Thankfully these scholarships are helping but still. It is a hassle for our parents to be paying both of our tuitions for Drexel. We're really not trying to take out loans. We're trying to keep that to a minimum and as a last resort."

Jennie watched them discuss the college expenses. 'I'll see what I can do about that.' She thought to herself. Maybe she could help pay by saving up.

"So, how's Jungkook?" Vienna smirked.

"Huh? Oh, he's fine. The guys are fine, too. Kook is still goofy as ever, sending me all these memes. I think it was a mistake to get him into Dubsmash, though. He makes so many videos, I just want to smack him with a pillow, sometimes."

"Ahahaha, as expected."

--------

The next day, a group of sasaengs on Twitter started tweeting about the location of where Vienna's play was going to be and that Jennie would be there. ARMY began to go nuts on Twitter once again, complaining about their antics and worrying about Jennie's safety because the sasaengs were planning to sneak in to try to find her.

Their plan was for Jen to notice them, and to get pictures and an autograph, completely ignoring the fact that this was not the time or place for something like this and that this night was completely dedicated to her sister.

Anti-fans of BTS decided to spread it around so that avid Jennie fans could also try to find her and see what kind of chaos would occur.

That night, Jen and her family managed to get to the theater early, taking pictures with Vienna, already in costume. Jen posted the photo on Twitter, to show that she and her family were in good spirits, looking forward to the show.

Once seated near the front row of the theater, Jennie sat in between Alani and Diana, who came to support, as they keenly watched Vienna in action. When Vienna was singing Phantom of the Opera in the first act, Jennie had dropped her jaw and turned to Alani who chuckled at her expression.

"I know. She has pipes." She whispered as Vienna continued the high note.

Jennie was so overjoyed to see her at her best. The role was meant for her. 

Promptly, Jennie couldn't help but hear noises coming from outside of the auditorium, occasionally distracting audience members. They would look back, curiously, to see what was going on and where the noise was coming from.

"BTS! BTS! BTS!"

Feeling her stomach drop, Jennie slowly closed her eyes and exhaled.

'Don't do this to me...please don't do this to me, now...please don't do this.' Jennie thought as the butterflies in her stomach got worse.

No BTS fans would be here of all places, would they?

They know better, right?

They wouldn't try to crash the show to try to find Miss Bangtan, would they?

This was not the time or place for this.

Alani glanced at Jennie and then Diana as they were fearing for the worse. 

Opening her eyes, Jennie looked at the stage to see Vienna, clearly annoyed at what she figured was going on.

Vienna shook her head at Jennie and scoffed, mouthing, 'Are you kidding me?'

Shooting her an apologetic expression, Jennie mouthed, 'I didn't know, I'm sorry.'

The only response she received from her sister was rolling her eyes as she waited for her turn to say her part.

"Those aren't who I think they are, right?" Their mom whispered to Alani and Jennie.

"I really hope not," Alani murmured.

Before they knew it, the sasaengs managed to get through the doors and came running into the auditorium, yelling and screaming with their cameras and phones, trying to find where Jennie was. The loud disturbance startled audience members as some got out of their seats, and murmured amongst themselves.

The lights instantly came on as the show came to a halt, thanks to the ruckus.

Embarrassment wasn't even the best word to describe how Jennie was feeling as she watched the turmoil in front of her. The sasaengs yelled and screamed for her, causing a mess in the auditorium.

Standing up from her seat, Jennie felt her face be on fire from humiliation. She wanted to crawl into a hole as she began to apologize to everyone, "I am so sorry. I'm so sorry." 

Some audience members, figuring out that Jennie was the one that these overly excited people wanted to see, began to give her dirty looks.

"THERE SHE IS!" An overly excited fan screamed as the large group of BTS fans and a large handful of Sasaengs followed her.

"Whoa! Whoa! What the heck is this?!" Jennie exclaimed as she watched the fans surround her. 

Fear was evident on her face because she didn't expect something like this to happen to her. To be mobbed by all these people.

A sasaeng tried to grab Jennie, who happened to be her ultimate Sasaeng but Alani pushed his hand away before he could touch her. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? Get the hell out of here! Don't touch my sister!" She pulled Jennie back, protectively. 

Some of the audience members filmed, took photos of the chaos and some even left because it was too much for them to handle. Security guards and even the campus police came swarming in to get these uninvited guests out of the theater while the actors, including Vienna, went backstage. The sasaengs were well aware that Jennie was extremely upset but they didn't care. They just wanted her to notice them.

"Why? Why would you do this?" Jennie yelled at them, getting pissed off.

"We need to get you out of here, now." Diana grabbed her as the campus police began to make quick work of getting the sasaengs out of the theatre.

Backstage, in Vienna's dressing room, Jen and her family were waiting for her. The tension was thick as Jen couldn't even speak to anyone because she was bewildered at the fact that this occurred. And she could only imagine what Vienna was feeling, right now.

"Baby..." Her mom tried to talk to her but Jen shook her head, cueing her to stop her efforts.

Suddenly, Vienna barged into the room, eyes red from crying as she marched right up to the person that the sasaengs were screaming for.

"Are you serious!?" She shouted in fury.

"Hey, hey, hey, let's relax." Their dad intervened.

"No, I'm not going to relax! How can I relax after what just happened!?"

Jennie hesitated as she tried to calm her down, "Look, I know this looks bad-"

"Bad? Bad!? This isn't bad. This is not even close to bad. This is absolutely horrible and humiliating!"

"V-"

"No, you've done enough, Jennie! Listen to me. This was one of the biggest nights of my life. This is one special day for me and it's ruined! You and your stupid crazy fans, this is so unfair and this is all your fault! I don't deserve this! I busted my ass to get where I'm at in acting. This didn't happen overnight! I have gone through so much to get this far. And you just had to ruin everything."

"That's not my fault!" Jennie asserted. "I can't control the millions of fans I have as a member of BTS. And don't generalize all ARMY as stupid and crazy, that is not fair. I came all the way from Korea to see you and support you, to see what you do best. Took time out of MY schedule to come see you. I'm missing dance practices and rapping lessons to be here to support you because you are my sister and I love you."

"Heh, yeah, well sometimes I wish you didn't even bother because of scenarios like this." Vienna retorted bitterly. 

Her statement came out harsher than she intended, as she saw the pain in her little sister's face.

"Are you serious...?" Jen's voice was filled with hurt.

"Yes, JW! My campus had people from big companies here, trying to scout upcoming actors. And you ruined it! I could've gotten an internship. Paid or not, or an audition for some type of role! Now, I'm not gonna get that callback!"

"That's enough, Vienna!" Alani exclaimed.

"No! She already has her dream!" She snapped and turned back to Jennie. "Mom and Dad are kicking out money so my dream can be a reality but you don't understand that because you aren't in college! You don't understand that because you're never here, anymore. You're just an idol in K-Pop, now."

"Why are you saying that as if being an idol is something so simple?" Jen questioned.

"Because it is! You don't understand the hard work that I have to go through. All those sleepless nights studying and rehearsing my lines. Making sure everything is 110%. I didn't get the lead role that easily, but I did it. This is such a competitive field, Jennie. You have no idea."

"No idea? So, you think K-pop is all fun and games? All fun and games for a black girl? Is that what you think? Is this what you're telling me? That I have nothing to be tired of? That I have nothing to worry about? That I can just relax and not have a care in the world?"

"All you do is learn dances and sing! That's it, and you get to go to all these fancy award shows and TV shows. You have nothing to worry about-"

Getting aggravated herself, Jennie snapped back, "Do you not understand how long we practice? How early we have to get up for schedules? How hard we work? How exhausted I am? I am tired. I am so tired. My body is aching, right now. I'm exhausted and BTS has a Japanese comeback very soon, but what can I do? Take a day off? No, I can't do that. I can't just say screw it and take a break. I didn't have to come here, but I wanted to because you are my sister. Because I know you wanted me here to support you because I know you would do the same for me. K-Pop is not all fun and games."

"Do you understand how much hate I get?" She proceeded in frustration. "Not for just being a girl with all guys in a group, not because some of the females claim they'll kill me since I'm in BTS, but for my skin? My dirty skin as they call it? The beauty standards, there? For my hair? That I don't look like the perfect ideal type? Half of these bitches want to be me. I'm not letting their ignorant comments discourage me and stop me from doing what I'm doing. I honestly just don't give an F what they think, now. Being in K-Pop is exhausting. I can't sugarcoat it. I have to deal with being miles away from my family and making sure that my performance is more than 110%. I got guys fetishizing me and wanting to hook up with me because I'm a foreigner. I got crazy fans that are obsessed with me and that hate me and want me to leave BTS, every single day."

Vienna crossed her arms and huffed as she continued to listen to her little sister's rant.

"Do you know how left out I feel, sometimes? Because I'm the only American, in the group? That I usually have no other person to relate to in K-Pop? I have to order all my hair products from America. They don't have the stuff for my hair there. They don't have the make up I use there. They don't have my color, there. Don't tell me I have nothing to worry about. I have a ton but I'm still here and I'm still standing."

Everyone in the room was glancing back and forth from Jennie to Vienna, unable to speak as they watched them clash.

"There's a lot of people that love me, and that love will always overcome all the hate I get. And something like this, that just happened, won't stop you from acting." She appended. "I'm sorry this happened. I truly am sorry. But don't let this ruin your dream."

Vienna scowled, unamused and unfazed by her little sister's speech. "Oh, you're sorry? Wow, she's sorry. So, can you bring those people back? Can you give me a spot in one of those companies? An audition? No, you can't, so sorry isn't going to cut it. And second of all, don't give me that guilt trip. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you decided to do K-Pop. Shit happens."

Jennie shook her head and scoffed. "You are such a bitch!"

"You're a bitch!" Vienna yelled back. "You're so high and mighty."

"I am not!"

"You are! Especially when you broke our damn TV!"

"Oh my God!" Jennie exasperated. "Let it go! Do you know how many years ago that was!? You still on that stupid ass TV?!"

"Enough!" Alani shouted, getting in between them.

"No, it's not enough, Lani! It's the truth!" Vienna shouted back.

"You're only saying this because you're pissy, right now! I know a lot of crap just happened, but let's just calm the frick down!" Alani shouted back, getting angrier.

Diana and their parents watched helplessly at the confrontation in front of them.

"This wouldn't have happened if you didn't go to Seoul!" Vienna yelled at Jennie. "If you would have never gotten into K-Pop we wouldn't be in this mess! This wouldn't have happened if Mom and Dad decided not to let you attend that Big Hit Audition! If they would've said no to you, this wouldn't have happened! If Big Hit had rejected you and not let you be the Bangtan Girl, this would not have happened! This would not have happened if you decided to stay at SongStress! If you would've stayed, this would've been prevented!"

"And do nothing?! Let them use me?! Let them mistreat me?!" Jen shouted back. "And let my life be a living hell under Hailey's doing? No. I wasn't going to do that and that's a selfish thing to say! I cannot believe you!"

"I can't believe you! You know what? You don't have to visit me, anymore. I don't want you to visit me. I'm done with this, I'm done with you!"

"Are you being for real, right now?"

"I am being for real! I don't want nothing to do with you." She walked past Jen, roughly bumping her shoulder against her as she left.

"Hey! V! Vienna! Oh, mah God, this girl..." Alani rolled her eyes. "JW, don't listen to her. She doesn't mean it. She's being petty, right now. It's not your fault, okay? Don't sweat it. It was just a mistake. There should've been more security for a scenario like this. Don't let her words make you regret being in BTS." She explained as she ran off to find her.

Jennie exhaled and turned to her parents. 

"You all right, kiddo?" Her dad asked with a sigh.

"No. I think I'm gonna go to Japan. We have a music video to shoot. I gotta go, anyway."

"Are you sure?" Diana asked and received a nod from her.

"Jennifer, don't leave, you still have a couple more days, here." Her mom frowned.

"No, I really should go. I'll visit again, soon. I'm sorry for...all this. I never meant to put you all in danger."

"Look, you two will make up tomorrow, I'm sure. Stay the rest of the few days you're here for."

"Mom, I want to go. Don't try to change my mind."

When outside the theatre, Jennie, Alani, their parents and Diana were all in the car. Vienna decided to stay with her friends. Jen sat in the back, sitting by the window while Alani and Diana sat next to her.

"Give her some time, okay?" Alani spoke up. "I'll try to talk to her. It's not your fault. We say a lot of angry stuff when we're in our feelings, and make it worse than we intend it to be."

"Hon, unfortunately, things like this happen with a lot of artists and celebs. Those people chose to do what they did, and they were in the wrong. Not you. You are not responsible for the fans and they should know better. There's always going to be bad apples in the bunch." Diana added. "I'm just glad you're safe and you didn't get hurt."

Jen nodded at their words. They made her feel a little better. But it was short lived when the sasaengs found the car and tried mobbing them.

"I'm tired of this!" Jennie shouted and unbuckled her seatbelt, losing her composure.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Her dad exclaimed.

"Not a good idea, stay in the car, Jennie," Diana warned.

"I have campus police on the phone," Alani announced with her phone up to her ear, giving out details of the situation.

Pressing the button to bring down her window, the sasaengs scream happily and continue to film and take pictures.

"Are you friggin kidding me? You've already done enough, can y'all just go home? You already ruined my night. Like why would you do this to me and my family? To all those people in attendance to see their loved ones on stage? That's not cool." Jen snapped at them

One female sasaeng just giggled at her and continued to film.

"Yo, stop filming me!"

"JW, JW, JW, don't." Alani pressed the button to roll up the window before she could try to push their cameras out of her face. "Don't do that. Not worth it."

"No, if you think I'm going to sit here and let them do this to me, invading my personal space, harassing me and my loved ones, then no. I'm going to call them out."

"The campus police are on their way to get these fans out of here-"

"They're not my fans! Stop calling sasaengs, fans!" She screamed as she slapped her hands together. Her sudden outburst caused everyone in the car to flinch. "They're a bunch of obsessed people that will do anything to get attention from their idols. Even if that means hurting them! They're a bunch of crazy humans just like Baekhyun said when they crashed his brother's wedding! This is some bullshit, I am not happy!"

Putting back down the window, Jennie turned to the sasaengs. "I'm tired of this! I hate when my life is being disturbed like this! I don't like being followed like this! Let me rest and hang out with my family and friends after working hard in BTS. That is it. But no, these animals wanna come up in here and crash my sister's play!" She shouted while she was still being filmed.

"Did you get that on film? You wanted my attention, right? What do you gain from this?" She asked the sasaengs. "Was this supposed to make me love you more? Because it doesn't. Y'all acting like a bunch of animals, ruining my sister's moment. How big do you feel, right now?"

"Jennie, they're filming!" Alani put back up the window

"I don't give a fuck, they ruined everything!" Jennie slapped her hands together again out of frustration. "Let everyone see how distressed, I am, right now. All because of these sasaengs. They're the cause of this. I wanna go home. I wanna go home, now. I don't even want to be here, anymore."

Once the campus police got involved, Jen and her family managed to leave without being followed, as they were still on edge of the unpleasant affair.

Later that night, in her room, Jennie told Namjoon everything that happened, and he gave her words of wisdom, knowing the best words to say. The rest of the members found out and felt bummed that she had to go through that. She was already mentally preparing for these K-Pop news sites to have articles about what had happened, bumming down her mood, even more.

This was beyond embarrassing.

The next morning, she sighed in annoyance at the article about the incident on ALLKPOP.

'BTS Sasaengs ruin Jennie's older sister's play'

She skimmed through the article and cringed as she remembered the incident.

'It looks like certain BTS fans couldn't contain their excitement over finding out BTS' Jennie would be attending her sister's play.'

'Allegedly the sasaeng fans worked together to sneak in.'

'They had no respect for the audience and actors on stage.'

'Not only that, the play didn't even get to the second act.'

She feared for the worst. She assumed Big Hit was going to scold her, punish her, or even worse. She even thought she was going to get scolded for being unprofessional but surprisingly, people online were praising her and agreeing with everything she said about the sasaengs. They showed compassion, which was the complete opposite reaction she was thinking of because of all the stereotypes netizens named her.

She just wished she handled her emotions better but sometimes you just need to let it all out, and she felt much better after giving them a piece of her mind. She wanted to do more. She wanted to cuss them out, but they got the message.

At least she hoped.

Some sasaengs left sickening messages for her on her Instagram page:

'Awwwww, our munchkin is so cute when she's mad~'

'That was only the beginning, Jennie, we love you~! Do we have your attention now?'

'We're going to make your life a living hell until you remember us.'

'I found it so cute to see her so scared.'

'My feelings are hurt that she lashed out at us for wanting to see her. If she has an attitude with us again, I don't know what we'll do the next time.'

She discovered that she was trending on Twitter, as fans showed anger at the sasaengs that crashed the play and showed support for their beloved Miss Bangtan.

'These immature disrespectful pieces of shit need to go!'

'On behalf of ARMY, I am truly sorry that you had to go through this.'

'Those aren't fans! They're Sasaengs! REAL ARMY would NEVER do this! No respect at all! I am SO sorry, Jennie!'

'These people are scary.'

'These Sasaengs are disgusting. Creepy AF, they had no right to do this'

'I want to punch all those Sasaengs that caused Jennie and her family harm'

'All for attention...this is crossing the line.'

'These BTS Sasaengs are giving ARMY a bad reputation. This isn't fair. They need to stop. They're insane!'

'I'm glad you lashed out at them and put them in their place!'

ARMY even began putting apology comments on Vienna's Instagram page and even Jen's page. 

JRE even tweeted a series of tweets, 'Really now? When you're a fan, you appreciate from afar, not stalk her when she's trying to support her family.'

'I know you love BTS, but stalking Jennie at her sister's play doesn't mean you're a fan. I don't blame her for being pissed, I'm pissed too.'

'These Sasaengs are really feeling some type of way that Jennie lashed out at them? F yo feelings! Jennie had time today! Hang in there, Miss Bangtan'

After showering, she decided to feed ARMY with a selfie since she kept seeing various tweets about posting something to let them know that she was okay. 

Crouching down in front of her mirror, she placed her phone in front of her face, to block her red eyes and sad expression. Snapping the selfie, she broke her silence with a tweet.

'Distressed...#JENNIE'

Which caused ARMY to react sadly to the tweet. And of course, those with sharp eyes, peeped at part of her eye, revealing how puffy and red it was from crying. 

She had a terrible night's sleep and would wake up throughout the night, thinking about what happened. Fearing neglect. Like those around her would shun her.

Abandonment is her greatest fear. Last night, she had nightmares about her family wanting nothing to do with her, BTS kicking her out of the group and the rest of her friends snubbing her. Shaking the negative thoughts out of her head, she stood up. Before she could gather up her things to pack, her phone buzzed.

Jungkook: Please tell me that you're okay. [7:33 A.M]

Jungkook...

For some reason, she suddenly felt happy that she saw his text. But she couldn't bring herself to text back as she went back to packing.

Ding!

Jungkook: Jennie... [7:35 A.M]

She let out a sigh and tossed her phone back on the bed, resuming her packing.

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Jungkook: I know you're reading these messages, baby girl [7:36 A.M]

Jungkook: Please don't ignore me [7:36 A.M]

Jungkook: Do I need to send you memes? [7:36 A.M]

Jungkook: Okay, you asked for it! [7:36 A.M]

Suddenly, he started spamming her with various memes of himself, which caused her to start laughing.

Jennie: LOL STOP!! HAHAHA [7:37 A.M]

Jungkook: You answered! I want you to smile! Everything will be OK! Is your family safe? [7:37 A.M]

Jennie: Yes. Thanks for checking on me [7:37 A.M]

After replying to the other members, Namjoon messaged her.

Namjoon: Hey, don't worry about what happened. Big Hit is taking care of it. [7:44 A.M]

Jennie: I'm not getting fired, am I? [7:44 A.M]

Namjoon: Lol, no, Jennie. You can stop freaking out about that. You're not in trouble. They just want you to calm down and lay low for a while. They want you to work on controlling your emotions. [7:44 A.M]

Jennie: Are you sure, that's all? [7:45 A.M]

Namjoon: YES [7:45 A.M]

Jennie: Praise Jesus! [7:45 A.M]

Namjoon: Aish, I worry about you sometimes. [7:45 A.M]

Jennie: Feeling is mutual, Joon. [7:45 A.M]

After getting her stuff together, she received another message from Jungkook.

Jungkook: Do you know what we should eat when you come to Japan? [7:50 A.M]

Jennie: What? [7:50 A.M]

In response, Jungkook sent her his Ice Cream and Cake dubsmash video which caused her to laugh loudly.

"This guy is ridiculous, yo..." She started texting back.

Jennie: JEON JUNGKOOK UNINSTALL DUBSMASH! UNINSTALL IT RIGHT NOW! [7:51 A.M]

Jungkook: Never!! [7:51 A.M]

While waiting until it was time to go, Taehyung facetimed her. When she answered, she saw him in bed, which looked like he was in a hotel room.

"Wow! Look at that bare face!" She praised.

His boxy grin caused her to chuckle as he happily greeted her. "I just wanted to call because I miss you and wanted to see your face."

"Well, I miss you too and I'm happy you called."

"You've been crying, haven't you?" He frowned, taking a good look at her face.

"I tried not to make it that obvious but I guess my eyes are still a little puffy, even after the shower I took."

"I hate seeing you cry. I just want to see you happy."

"I'm feeling much better thanks to you and the guys sending those messages. It'll just take some time to heal from what happened. And I dunno when the heck my sister is going to talk to me, again."

"Who are you talking to!?" Jimin shouted in the background.

"Jennie!" Tae announced.

"JENNIE~!" Jimin jumped on the bed to try to get in the video. "We have smarties for you!! Yoongi had ordered some a few days ago!"

"Oh snap, really?" Her eyes lit up. "Awesome! Thanks, guys!"

"And then we'll cuddle with you! Maknae Line cuddles!"

That statement made Jen smile. "Sounds like a plan."

-----

In Japan, Jennie checked in and found out that she was sharing a hotel room with Jimin. When she got into her room, she saw Hobi, who was waiting for her.

"You're here." He said in a laidback voice, relieved as he embraced her.

"Yeah, safe flight."

"How are you feeling?" He smiled sadly

She shrugged and set her bag down. "You know...I always ask myself if this was even worth it."

He frowned at her statement. "Jennie, things are going to be just fine. There are tons of idols and even your favorite celebs that have gone through this. It will be okay, I promise."

"Will it? I just...I just feel like as I continue to get famous, it'll cause more strain like this in my relationship with my family. This stuff cannot happen, again. That was too wild. People could've gotten hurt, Hobi."

He cupped her face and kissed her forehead. "I know. We're going to get through this. For now, just relax."

"Thanks, Hobi." She hugged him again as he placed a hand on the back of her head.

"Everything will be all right with your sister. Siblings fight."

Once he left, Jen chilled on the bed until Jimin and Tae entered the room.

"Ennie!" They shouted. 

Jennie instantly got up from her bed as Jimin ran up to her. He jumped right on her, wrapping his legs around her waist and arms around her neck as she fell on her back, on the bed with a groan.

"Jimin!" She complained while Tae laughed. 

Jimin wouldn't let go as he held onto her like a Koala bear, no matter how much she struggled.

As promised, Jimin and Taehyung goofed around and did everything to cheer her up, which worked because she couldn't stop laughing at them. When she wanted to paint her nails, Tae offered to do them for her, as he carefully made sure to paint on the nails and not on her skin.

"Tae, it's not that serious." She laughed. "If you get it on my skin, it's fine, I'll clean it up."

After he was done, he kept blowing on the nails so they could dry quicker, while Jimin entertained her with goofy stories about the pranks they've done since she's been gone.

As time went on, she started to ponder about Jungkook. And for some odd reason, she really wanted to see him and wondered where he was.

"What's wrong?" Jimin asked

"Nothing. I just miss Jungkook. I wish he was here." She replied.

Her statement caused him to grin widely. "Oh really?"

Taehyung found himself glancing at the fellow 95 Liner, grinning with him as he watched Jimin take out his phone to text Jungkook, who had finished taking a shower after going to the gym. 

Five minutes later, they heard a series of knocks at the door as Jimin went to the door. Once he opened it slightly, he shut it right in Jungkook's face, laughing out loud.

"Hyung!" The Golden Maknae shouted, in annoyance.

After messing with him, Jimin finally opened the door to let him in. When Jungkook strolled in, his eyes landed right on Jennie as he sighed out of relief that she was okay.

"Kookie!" She beamed, getting off the bed.

Jimin smiled to himself as he saw her smile brightly at Jungkook. He locked eyes with Taehyung and nodded knowingly as the both of them made their way to the door.

"Wait, where are you guys going?" Jennie asked, watching them leave.

"Jin wants us for something. We'll be right back." Jimin excused himself with Tae as they left the 97 Liners alone.

The Golden Maknae turned his attention back to Jennie, smiling softly. Walking up to him, she wrapped her arms around him for a tight hug. She felt him circle his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"I missed you. Please, let's just stay like this for a while. I really need this." She sighed into his chest as he continued to hold her. 

There was something about his hugs that soothed her the most out of the rest of the members. And strangely, she yearned to be with him the most, right now. They stayed like that for a few moments while Jungkook placed his chin on top of her head, standing there in comfortable silence.

"Are you all right?" He whispered.

Jennie wanted to lie and tell him that she was fine.

That everything was okay.

But it wasn't.

She was hurting.

And she couldn't lie to him.

"No...I'm not all right. I haven't felt like this in a long time and everything hurts." Her voice started to get shaky as she slowly pulled away from him. She shook her head and turned around. "I feel like crap. I feel like everything I do is wrong. Like, I get into fights with my siblings all the time, but this right here...it was the worst one and I feel terrible about everything."

Grabbing her hand, Jungkook made her sit down on the bed with him. "Tell me everything that you're feeling."

"I feel like everything is my fault and I'm the one to blame. All I wanted was to support my sister but I ended up making things worse. I tried to call, text her, everything. She won't talk to me. She's ignoring me. My family can't even get her to talk to me. It's like she doesn't want anything to do with me. She told me she never wanted me to visit, anymore and that this situation wouldn't have happened if I didn't audition for Big Hit. That hurts more than I ever imagined. We're in two different time zones. Different paths in life. I made time for her to support her in her play. But some unwanted overly excited so-called fans crashed it."

She winced as she remembered every single detail. "It was so embarrassing, Kook. I have never in my life experienced something like this. It was the slowest ten minutes of my life, watching them yell and scream for me. Interrupting the play, causing an uproar in the audience as they try to figure out what was going on. All the security and campus police trying to calm things down. It...it was not a pleasant sight. And then I saw my sister...I've never seen so much disgust in her face since she told me all the bad hookups she's dealt with."

She felt her eyes burning from the tears starting to develop as Jungkook's eyes softened. "I screwed up, Kook. It's my fault, I got too excited, I was the one who tweeted about the play. I posted a picture of the pamphlet. It had the location, the time, everything. I wasn't thinking. And I guess some Sasaengs did their research and started spreading everything around. It's times like this where it's like, I'm not just a regular girl, anymore. I'm not just some girl who can walk into town with no care. I'm an idol. A member of BTS. We're getting way more popular, now. And I can't just...do stuff like that without expecting fans to follow me, everywhere."

"I am not a normal teenager, anymore..." She acknowledged. "I gave that up to be here. Living with seven guys, away from my family at a young age, in a different country for K-POP? Not a normal teen life. But I knew what I was doing that day when I signed that contract. No matter how irritable we may get with each other or how exhausting dance practice is and the long hours of work that we do, I don't regret a thing. Big Hit gave me a second chance to perform. Ever since I left SongStress, I still wanted to perform."

"But I hate that people can't respect my privacy. Just let me see my family in peace," she exclaimed. "I hardly see them since I'm so busy over here. You guys have more of an advantage to see your family because you're in the country they live in. But I don't have that. You guys do. Ugh and then I got so mad that I lashed out at those sasaengs. I don't want people to think of me like, oh she's ghetto, or something. Or oh, she has anger problems. I don't get angry that easily. I just got so fed up."

"If I have a problem with you, I'm going to speak about it." She went on. "And if I don't like what you're doing around me, I'm going to say something. I wasn't going to let them harass me and my family. This has been a rough couple of days. I have never felt so crappy until now. Me dropping on the floor back at dance practice for overworking myself and going to the hospital with a concussion doesn't even compare to what I'm feeling, right now."

They lay down on the bed, resting their heads on the pillows. Unable to hold it in, she started crying which caused Jungkook's heart to ache as he watched the tears go down her face.

"So, this is the con of being famous. I'm so stupid...the hell was I thinking?" She sobbed, covering her face.

'What should I do to make you stop crying? I hate seeing you like this.' Jungkook thought to himself.

Out of instinct, he decided to wrap his arms around her, holding her tightly as she cried on his white shirt. He started to softly sing Lost Stars, which is an upcoming cover he wanted to work on soon when they weren't so busy with promotions.

"Please, don't see. Just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies. Please, see me...reaching out for someone I can't see. Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow. Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand..." He sang as her crying began to stop while she occasionally sniffed.

"I'll be damned, Cupid's demanding back his arrow. So, let's get drunk on, our tears and God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young. It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run. Searching for meaning. But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?"

He noticed her snuggling up against him, calming down as she closed her eyes. His voice was so soothing to her that it made her calm down after the first few words. His vocals were mesmerizing and she couldn't help but start to fall asleep as he proceeded to sing,

"Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy? Woe is me. If we're not careful turns into reality. But don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow. Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer. Turn the page, maybe we'll find a brand new ending. Where we're dancing in our tears and God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young. It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run. Searching for meaning. But are we all lost stars..."

Jungkook stopped singing and looked down to see her asleep. He kissed her forehead and tightened his grasp around her waist.

"Give your sister some time," he whispered. "I know how it feels to have a bad fight with your sibling. Everything will be okay, you'll make up soon. Your sister loves you."

His arms around her gave Jennie a sense of peace as she felt warm all over and felt safe. With the warmth of his body caressing her skin, she moved on top of him and snuggled against his chest. Jungkook grabbed the covers and pulled them up to her back, as he looked up at the ceiling.

The next morning, Jennie felt a steady heartbeat against her as she stirred in her sleep. She didn't want to move because she felt cozy and warm but she knew she would have to wake up sooner or later because of schedules. 

Her heart started to feel weird again as she looked at the sleeping Maknae, that was under her. His mouth was open slightly and his bed hair was all over the place.

She thought he looked cute.

She briefly watched him sleep before pushing some of his hair from his face. 

"Why do I always feel at peace whenever I'm with you?" She murmured to herself in wonder. 

She had a terrible few days but felt at ease after what he did to comfort her. She had almost forgotten why she was sad. Cheek against his chest, she idly placed her fingertips on his chest. Her mind was telling her to get up but she wanted to stay in this position longer.

She enjoyed the warmth.

She felt safe and secure.

All worries out the window.

Moving up to give him a forehead kiss, she managed to get out of bed without waking him up. Gathering her clothes and toiletries, she took a quick shower. After her shower, she walked out of the room in dark blue jeans and a simple black bra. Taking the towel off her head, her wet hair stuck to her body.

She was so occupied on her phone, checking out messages, that she had forgotten to put on her tank top, which was lying on the back of a chair. Her attention to her tank top lessened when Angelina facetimed her while having her earbuds in her ears.

"Hey, girl!"

"Ooh, girl! You looking like a snack! Damn! Watch all these boys get ready to risk it all if they ever see you like this. If I was a guy, I wouldn't want you to leave my sight. Have you all to myself! You wouldn't be leaving the bed for a while, that's a promise!" Angelina teased her in good fun as they shared a laugh.

"I swear, you and your dirty mind, stop gassing me, I just got out of the shower." Jennie laughed.

"Ahahaha! Just messing! But I'm serious, you always look like a snack. And have you been working out? You're looking so toned!"

Jungkook, who started to wake up, noticed her walking around, in her bra. 

Seeing her like that caused him to blush. Working out with him had been paying off tremendously because he noticed how toned her arms were.

'Wow...' He thought to himself. He tried his best not to stare as he averted his eyes. 

Jen was oblivious that he was awake as she continued her conversation with her friend.

"Angelina, I was not going to punch anyone, you are so violent, I swear." She chuckled. Jennie ended up stretching as she put one arm up in the air, while the other held her phone.

Unable to resist as he continued to stare, Jungkook raised his eyebrows for half a second while he studied her.

He started to remember the time when she gave him a massage in her room and she felt fidgety and nervous around him because he was shirtless. And now here he was when the tables were turned once again. He shouldn't be staring but he just couldn't help it. She looked beautiful even if she had just woken up, showered and was bare faced.

Watching her with a lingering gaze, the Golden Maknae had gently bit his bottom lip, while she moved any hair sticking to her face. Frustrated with himself, he tried to shake any thoughts away from his head while sitting up. 

Standing in front of a dresser, she wrapped up her conversation with Angelina. Meanwhile, Jungkook found himself getting out of bed. He wanted to walk to the bathroom but somehow, his feet found themselves slowly walking up behind her.

Jen noticed his presence when one of his hands was placed on the table, blocking her left side. 

"Did I wake you up?" She chuckled as she turned around, to look up at him. "Sorry if I did. I just wanted to shower, early. Speaking of showering, where'd I put that shirt..." She murmured to herself, placing a hand on his chest to gently move him out of her way, to hunt for it.

She didn't get far because as she walked past him, he gently grabbed her hand, in a firm grip, to stop her. Turning around, she observed him as he looked down at the floor before raising his head. He gave her a look that she wasn't familiar with and his intense eye contact caused her to resist looking away.

"Everything okay, Kookie? You need something?"

"Yeah, I kind of do." He answered in a low voice as he found himself slowly inching closer to her.

They both heard a card being inserted into the door as Jungkook quickly pulled away. 

Jimin and Jin walked in since Jin needed something that Jimin had but the two of them stopped when they saw the 97 Liners.

"WHAT-IS-THIS!?" Jin yelled, gawking in horror at Jennie who was still damp from the shower with only her jeans and bra.

Jungkook's hair was messy and the bedsheets were all over the place, making the oldest member take things the wrong way. Jimin started giggling at the display, undoubtedly pleased at what was happening, and was happy they spent the night together. 

Jungkook pressed his lips together, bothered about them walking in and Jin panicking for the 20th time. It was like every time he had the confidence to try to make a move something always happened.

"Whoa, why are you so loud, this morning? What's your deal?" Jennie exclaimed, looking confused.

"You two are too young for this!"

"Too young for what?" She raised a brow at his overreaction.

"This!" He pointed to the messy bed. "This is not the way to make someone feel better! There are other ways to comfort someone! And put your shirt on!"

Jen grabbed her tank top and put it on, before explaining, "You need to calm down, Jin, I just got out of the shower! And I think you have the wrong idea. We just slept together."

Jin let out a yell while Jimin laughed harder. Jin had assumed that Jungkook found an adult way to comfort Jennie last night because of what he saw from the messy bed. But that wasn't the case. Jimin knew that too but liked seeing Jin's reactions toward situations like this. He wanted to enjoy it while it lasted before he worked on his plan.

Jennie winced when Jin started going after Jungkook, hitting on him and grabbing him. Jin had kicked him out of the room, dragging him back to the hotel room they shared.

"So...Jennie, how was he?" Jimin teased, wanting to see if she would get flustered.

"Boy, whatchu' talking about?"

"I mean, you two are young, hormones are raging, so you two must've relieved some stress."

"Oh, Lord..." She felt her face heating up. "Cut it out! We didn't do anything, we just slept together!"

"Yeah, I can tell. Was he manly? Are you sore?"

"Ji-friggin-min! Boy, if you don't!" She smacked him upside his head.

#jungkook fluff #bts fanfiction #bts 8th member #jungkook x oc #bangtan boys #bts #the bangtan gal #bts additional member #bts fanfic #bts fluff #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenarios #kpop fluff #bts female member #kpop female oc #kpop black oc #kpop fanfic #ambw kpop #bts angst

[saturnsstufff]

okay as a chubby girl myself I struggle with how I see myself and this idea makes my heart KSHDHSJS

okay so imagine IMAGINE

Request maybe 🤔🤔🤔

Okay,, you’re standing in the mirror yk in your mirror at technos house/cottage in your underwear and stuff, grabbing at the chub and stuff looking upset and not feeling good about yourself, and techno walking into the room and seeing this. yk him being upset that you feel that way Bc he thinks youre just so pretty 🥺.

IT COULD EITHER GO INTO A SMUT( 😏 where he SHOWS you how much he loves you and how pretty he thinks you are in the mirror) OR FLUFF WITH SOFT WORDS AND CUDDLES or both idk

*slams hand on desk* IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS

I went with both, because I like options. I also based this off a little personal feelings so I hope it works!

My Goddess- Technoblade

Warnings: self conscious reader, swearing, NSFW

   The mirror. Your best, but worst nightmare imaginable. Some days you could look into it and see beauty within your curves. Spend endless minutes hyping yourself up. 'Man I look good' 'I am the fucking shit' 'damn look at that' all little things you tell yourself in pride. Because in those moments, you feel powerful. In those moments you feel like you own the world, that others are just lucky to breathe within your presence.

   However, there are bad days. There are days when looking into the mirror brings shame. Days when all you can do is grab at your stomach, and ponder of what you could have done, or what you will do. Its pressed that everyone is perfect in our own imaginable ways. Yet when you look at others, you cant help but be envious. Others can get away with wearing tight clothing, baggy clothing, any type of clothing. Yet when you try it on all you see is a box, if you wear tight clothing, every roll and muffin top pops out. It can be embarrassing.

   Techno never saw your curves as embarrassing however. He loved them. He loved the plush, soft skin of your tummy or your thighs. Your hips? don't even ask what he thought on hips, as long as they were yours. They were perfect.

   With that said, when he saw you saddened about your form he was slightly hurt. You thought he was beautiful, a hybrid of a monster. But yet you couldn't find the beauty within your rolls? Your plump little form? The very thing that made up you? If he ever found out who planted these seeds of lies in your mind, he would have words.

   If you felt confident enough to take the world by the horns, he let you. He would build you up with sweet words of encouragement. 'Well don't you look amazing...' 'you are looking beautiful as ever'. They were small phrases but they meant a lot to you.

   Techno isn't verbal with his love, or compliments really. He chooses to show it, words are just that. Words. Actions are done, are shown. They are physically put into motion. That's why he prefers it. But he also understands sometimes words are needed. They are needed to ease your nerves and doubtful mind.

   when he catches you glaring at your plump form in the mirror, he cant help but quickly move to your side. Kneeling and kissing up your body. Your arms, your thighs, everything. In the beginning he would let you look away. The idea of someone liking your body type left you uncertain, many times you would ponder if his endless kisses were done as a joke. But each and every time he would reassure you that it was real. That him loving you, loving your body. It wasn't in pity, it was in genuine love.

   Tonight was one of those bad nights. With Techno in the bath, you were left to change for bed. Wait for him to come out, and then cuddle the night away until the sun kissed the horizon.

   But well you changed your eyes fell to the mirror. Your eyes casually roamed your body. You were used to looking at it so nothing stood out of course. But as you shifted, you caught a few stretch marks within the candle light. They looked like streaks of lightning that were dragged across your skin. With a quick glance away, you pulled something over your form. Wanting to cover your body and deal with that mental baggage later.

   Of course the Hybrid that stood tall within the door frame held other ideas about that moment. The one thing that always put you at ease was Techno's size. Before you were in a relationship with him, you feared you wouldn't be able to wear your lovers clothing. Being a bit plumper meant "one size fit all" did not fit all. But luckily, with your roughly 6ish/7ish foot Piglin Hybrid of a lover, all of his clothing was a bit baggy on you. Technoblade was a very Built man, this came from his never ending training and his natural born strength of course. But even with him being built and big, the first time he asked you to sit on his lap had you hesitant. What if he found you too heavy? The idea of him asking you to move off would leave you completely mentally ruined. Of course when you finally sat he didn't utter any words besides praises. His hands running gently over your thighs, with a tight grasp he kept you close. When Techno saw you ease into his lap more often, he took pride in knowing you were comfortable enough to do it on a daily basis. That was when he upped the bar again. The day he asked you to sit on his face was the day you had a heart attack. You were so paranoid you would crush him. Of course he was all bemused smirks well you tried to think of excuses. Yet this man was able to ease your nerves and reassure you until you were comfortable once again. You would never forget how giddy he was to be between your thighs. That was the day he found his favorite spot.

   Before you could ease some bottoms over your underwear, this man had his arms around you. Pushing against your hands. His nose was nuzzled into your neck muttering gently "Please, leave them off for now..." with a brow raised you complied. You let the shorts drop to the floor, assuming you would be coming for them in a brief moment. You could smell the lingering sent from his shampoo. The fresh smell giving you great comfort.

   Techno moved you back to face the mirror, his head moving briefly so he could see you face yourself. With a light stubble scratching against your neck you felt the goosebumps rise. Your eyes met his ruby ones within the mirror. "Do you know, how beautiful you are?..." he asked rhetorically. Dragging out the words that he felt were important. You wanted to say no, but knew he wouldn't want that answer.

   "I think I'm alright..." you said softly. He hummed and pressed a loving kiss to your neck. His hands slowly fell down to the buttons of the shirt you were wearing. Skillfully he undid them without thought. When you had pulled a shirt on you didn't think much, but now saw that it was his you wore. Of course he didn't mind, he never minded.

   With the buttons undone he opened the shirt to expose your naked form. Every curve and roll on sweet display for him "You are beyond 'alright'... alright is basic. You know my goddess is beyond mortal definitions..." you gave a gentle smile at his charm, glancing away from his eyes. He didn't allow this tonight however. Instead he took your jaw and gently redirected it to the mirror. Meeting his gaze again.

   "My love... My goddess, you know your body rivals the gods, yes?..." you slightly shrugged, unsure if this was true. With another loving kiss he continued. "Persephone had rolls... She was just as plump as you my love..." you fallowed his eyes gently. Him comparing you to the beautiful goddess left you feeling better. If someone so divine could have rolls why couldn't you?

   He didn't stop there however. "If you cant see your beauty. Let me show you how beautiful you are..." his tone was pleading. Like a animal begging for spare scraps. You watched his eyes, his finger and thumb having control over your chin. You thought on his words and gave a brief nod to him. Trusting him and whatever he had planned.

   Instead of immediately kissing you all over, he pulled away. Firmly telling you to keep your eyes on the mirror. You felt a bit awkward standing there, your legs shifting closer underneath you. He soon came back however, his crown in hand. You could also see he had a simple gray towel around his waist, showing he was fresh from the bath.

   Your curiosity with the crown lingered, but you watched as he put it on your head. "You are a queen... My Queen... You will always be reminded of your everlasting beauty for as long as you are with me..." for not complementing a lot, tonight he was on a roll. Your eyes ran over the crown. The delicate and bright stones contrasting the shimmering gold well against your skin.

   He walked around to the front of you, leaning down to meet your lips in a loving kiss. His hand found a firm places on your hip, and on the plush skin of your ass cheek. With a gentle, but firm grasp he moved and rolled the skin beneath his hand. Loving how soft you were. With his hands working soft whimpers and moans out of you, his mouth devoured them. Eating every noise you made, cherishing them deep within his heart.

   Leaving your lips swollen he moved down. Kissing your jaw and neck. Planning to leave you a work of art. A show of how much he loves you.

   After your neck it was your chest. Soft plump breasts fitting ever so sweetly within his hands. With firm grasps he had you flushed red whimpering. Your eyes half lidded with the sweet lingering pleasure. Yet you still watched yourself and him, knowing to not disobey him.

   With soft kisses placed to the tops of your breasts and nipples he moved to your stomach. This is where you craved to look away. Wishing to hide yourself in his neck.

   "T..T-Techno..." he hummed acknowledging your words. But he still pressed light kisses down to the hem of your underwear.

  “Keep your eyes on the mirror." He said, pulling them down. Helping you step out of the discarded clothing. You couldn't see his face. Only his backside was facing the mirror, and even then his long wet hair hid most of his toned back.

   His fingers ran through your slit briefly. His rings offered a major temperature difference between your heat and the cold metal. With a little squirm his hands moved and held you in place. Desiring to keep you in place before he moved his head in and started to devour you. Eating you out like it was his last meal on earth.

   With a ever so sinful cry, you gripped at his hair. Begging for your knee's to not give out. With one hand on his head, the other one flew to the crown on your head. Trying to keep it on well you easily hunched over from the overwhelming pleasure. Techno never failed to leave you speechless- or should we say, he never left you quiet. Even if you could see yourself, you didn't think you would be able to focus much. Your eyes were tightly shut well your mouth ran between being in a 'O' and being locked shut.

   He did pull back from your folds to speak. Earning a cry from you. You were getting close and him pulling away was painful. "You can cum. But you have to keep your eyes open" you nodded profusely. Agreeing to anything if it meant feeling his lips back on you. He lingering a moment. Making sure your eyes opened before he leaned back. Taking his time to show your clit attention before going back to his main course.

   With your eyes looking back at you. You were unsure if you were ashamed with how blissed out you looked or happy. The whole scene in itself was erotic. You were incredibly small compared to the giant between your legs. His only drive to please you completely. Your eyes never left the mirror as he ate you out to your climax. Your hips stuttering and bucking, but proving no use to his iron grip. When you came he waisted no time at cleaning it up. He had no shame, that your cum was running down his chin. He was happy when you were pleased. And he knows you are definitely pleased after that climax.

   But he wasn't finished. With your legs weakening he helped you down onto his lap. He let you collect yourself against his chest for a few moments his hand ran over your back.

   "Doin' ok there Princess?..." you nodded slowly. Your chest rising and falling fast well you try and calm yourself. "Think you can do one more?" You nodded again well he pressed a kiss to your forehead, acknowledging your response. Adjusting his crown on your head, he moved so the mirror was beside you two. Showing both of your bodies, with the towel acting as a thin barrier.

   When you both were situated he did remove the towel. With a strong arm he lifted you up and positioned his hardened cock at your entrance, wasting no spare moment to fill you up. Well you did try to hide within his neck, it proved no use. He made sure to turn your head to the mirror.

   With your eyes hitting the mirror you saw how his head was beside yours. Your cheek was pressed to his chest well his was pressed to your forehead. His eyes lingeried your body. Drowning in your blissed out form. He found you utterly perfect.

   Well your bodies were connected, it almost looked like art. With techno's sharp gaze and your blissed out reddened cheeks, the contrast was there but yet they went together in perfect harmony. With the roll of his hips he made sure to keep your eyes on the mirror. Wanting to drag out every cry and moan you could utter. He set his pace at a rhythmic thrust, wanting to not only pleasure you, but himself as well. Well you griped to his sides, he kept his hand on he back of your head gently. Wanting to keep your head facing the mirror. With sweet sinful praises he coached you to a second orgasm, his fallowing close behind. He kissed your head gently, keeping you close to him well he felt himself soften. when his eyes met yours in the mirror he smiled softly. 

“Look at how beautiful you are... Always so, so beautiful Princess...”

#saturnsdarkside #technoblade x reader #technoblade x you #techno x reader #techno x you #technoblade x reader smut #techno x reader smut #fanfic #fanfiction #tb

[violet-knox]

1 I would love to request a story for you if it´s still fine to do it, my request is a smut story with a quiet virgin female reader who is popular with opposite gender mostly because of her attractive physical appareance and for that when she confess that she have a romantic interested in him. He thinks is a lie or a joke to hurt him somehow but when she insist that her feelings are honest and she is willing to do anything.

Beauty’s Curse

Pairing: Young!Snape x Half-Veela!Reader

Summary: As Valentine’s day quickly approaches, you find yourself surrounded by more and more people asking to be yours, but you have your eye on someone else.

Warnings: (SPOILERS) Spiked drink, manipulation

Word Count: 6679

A/N: To be honest, I was a bit hesitant with this request because I knew it would be a rather big challenge. I didn’t want to write anything superficial or cliche, but I thought this would be a great opportunity to break the stereotype of “that pretty mean girl” and show that no one should be judged on their looks, even those who are considered attractive. 

I took inspiration from a situation I found myself in more or less recently, so please do read the warnings before reading this even though they are crossed out unless you really don’t want spoilers. 

Nearly six years had passed and the comments from your peers had never once eased. Valentine’s day had become your least favourite holiday from the never-ending line of people asking you to be their Valentine, each year worse than the last as your popularity increased. You knew it wasn’t their fault, not entirely. You were half Veela after all, something you never dare tell a soul. Rumours went around in your fourth year when you hit puberty, an invisible glow seeming to surround you as you walked down the hall, heads turning as they ogled you in amazement. ‘It was a gift’ your mother would always tell you, but you could never see it that way, especially after you’d agreed to go out with that boy a few years above you last year, finding out his charm only extended so far until his true colours showed. Since then, you’d done everything you could to contain your influence over those who yearned for you, knowing you’d never know true love if the man you ended up with only did so from his inability to resist you. 

You wanted to know what love really felt like, real love not the admiration the Slytherin boys chatting you up now were showing. It irked you how they’d suddenly surrounded you like this, three of them, all taller than you, all of whom were doing their best to impress you. One spoke of his father’s status at the Ministry of Magic, offering to take you anywhere you liked on Valentine’s day. Another tried to persuade you with the offer of visiting his mother’s shop in Westminster; the most luxurious dress shop in all of London he claimed, anything you wanted his mother could have you fitted for. The last boy had the nerve to try and hand over a necklace with the most amount of diamonds you’d ever seen, saying he’d offer you anything you liked if you agreed to be his Valentine. You had to hold yourself back from rolling your eyes, the necklace barely managing to snap your attention back to them as your eyes instead wandered to the end of the hall where you saw another Slytherin sitting on the ledge of a window with his nose in a book. 

You could still remember back when that was you sitting alone somewhere in the castle in your first year, everyone passing you by like you didn’t exist, your own nose shoved in the tenth book you’d been reading that week. Of course, that part never changed, you were a proud bookworm, one who’d much rather spend the evening diving into the pages of a good book than surrounded by people gawking at you. The only difference now was it was much harder to find a place where you’d be uninterrupted, but you always found a way, a small corner in this giant castle to call your own and escape the real world if not for a short moment. 

“Sorry, but I can’t be any of your Valentines.” You spewed a quick apology to the Slytherin’s and pushed passed them, only to watch the boy you’d been intrigued by slam his book shut and dramatically swift away down the stairs. 

He’d seen enough, the necklace turning his stomach into knots as he thought about the stupid bet they made before walking over to you, how they each thought they could buy you over with some luxury he could never afford to have. They didn’t even acknowledge his presence as they spoke, didn’t even bother to notice he’d hung back, that he stood by to watch them get rejected by the person who’d been known to reject everyone since first year. You seemed so kind and of course, it probably helped that you were a Hufflepuff, helped your ruse of being everyone’s friend, but he saw through you. He was the only one that did just as he was the only one to see through Potter. Everyone who was popular with the entire school had a dark side, he knew it, even if he hadn’t seen yours. 

“Severus!” He turned around in surprise as he heard his name called out, unable to recognize the voice. His expression immediately turned sour when he realized it was you who’d run after him, calling his name to get his attention. He turned around and began walking away, one hand holding his books tightly as the other formed a tight fist. “Severus, wait!”

You were almost surprised to see someone so bluntly ignore you, shun you like you were nothing and you knew it was an act of dislike towards you, the way he looked at you making it very clear he did not want to speak with you. Yet you couldn’t help but yearn over him all the more. The only person in the entire school that seemed to see you as just another student, the only person who didn’t look at you like you’d blessed the very ground you walked on and he wouldn’t even give you a moment to speak.

“Severus,” you tried again, finally catching up to him as you placed your hand over his shoulder, Severus nearly twisting your wrist as he spun around, acting like your hand had burned the spot where you’d touched him. “I was just wondering, if you’d perhaps like to go out sometime?”

“What?” Severus rose his brow, wondering if he’d heard you correctly. It almost sounded as if you were asking him out, you, the person everyone in his life compared to perfection, the beauty of an angel, kindness comparable to no one else’s. You who’d chatted with the entire school, made friends with everyone, enemies with no one, would choose him?

“It-it doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to be. But I just thought, well I thought it would be nice to have a chat with you some time,” you said, feeling the heat rise to your face as you tried to ease the tension. Severus' expression only darkened with annoyance as his suspicion of you grew. 

“Did Avery put you up to this? Nott? Or Potter?” he blurted out. He couldn’t believe you thought he’d fall for such an obvious ruse. That he’d be desperate enough to accept your deceptive invitation, and when he found out who it was that plotted this interaction, he was going to make sure they never tried something like this again.

“N-no! Why would you say that?” You looked at him with shock, your heart sinking as you felt yourself nearly knock yourself over as you hit that defensive wall he had built around himself. You knew he wasn’t exactly liked by the other students, that he had a much tougher time than he deserved, but you’d never imagined him reacting like this when you finally built up the courage to ask him out. 

“I’m not falling for this,” Severus shook his head as he dismissed your advancements. He turned around and resumed walking down the stairs, leaving you to your own failure though he wasn’t surprised to see you running after him.

“Severus wait!”

“Tell whoever sent you to piss off!” He brushed you off without stopping. Reaching the ground floor, he continued to walk towards the Entrance Hall without so much as glancing your way.

“Severus no one sent me, I swear,” you tried to make him see reason, to show him you were being genuine, but as he spun back around, his hair turning dramatically with him as his strands quickly settled back into place, framing the annoyed look on his face, you could tell he wasn’t willing to let his guard down for even a moment and consider your intentions to be pure. 

“Really? Then why?” His words came out more as demands rather than a question, but you wouldn’t let it scare you away. You didn’t want to give up the one chance you had at a genuine relationship with someone who saw you as more than just a pretty face. 

“Why what?”

“Why in Merlin’s name would you ask me out when you already have the entire school ready to put their heads on the chopping block just for a moment with you?” His tone made you wonder if he was asking the question out of curiosity for your answer or if he’d already made up his mind, that no matter what you said he wouldn’t believe you anyways. You had half a mind to walk away, telling yourself you deserved better, but this was what you wanted wasn’t it? Not to be run after, try to be bought over in some way? You wanted someone to go out with you and love you for who you were, to resist the natural attraction of your Veela DNA.

“Because you’re brilliant and love to read. Because you aren’t like everyone else. Because you make me feel normal.” You poured your heart out to Severus only to have him scoff in your face, rolling his eyes, clearly finding your words less than truthful. You’d never admit it of course, but you did, in a way, lie. You’d admired him for so long now. All you saw was his good sides, but you couldn’t bring yourself to admit such a thing. “Please, Severus, give me a chance.”

Severus stared at you a moment, surprising himself as he actually debated your plea. He wanted nothing more than to believe you, to believe someone would be interested in him in the way you claimed. But it was you. How could he believe the most wanted person in the entire school would choose the most hated? He wanted to get the truth out of you, to embarrass you when you admitted to your real intentions and perhaps that’s exactly what he should do. Perhaps he could get you to blurt out the name of the imbecile that would soon regret trying to mess with him like this.

“Fine. There’s a Hogsmeade trip this weekend. I suppose I can spare a few hours with you.” He agreed to your invitation as he made plans of his own, immediately setting off to the dungeons when you smiled and nodded. You looked almost relieved that he’d finally accepted, almost like you had some other agenda and of course, he’d find out one way or the other. He was tired of the harassment, the humiliation from everyone in this school, tainting it with their insolence and stupidity. This was his home, the one place in the entire world where he could belong, and he wouldn’t let anyone push him around any longer. 

This was the last straw. He was going to make an example out of you and whoever it was pulling your strings. He’d make the entire school regret making him out as a punishing bag, a joke for everyone to laugh at. What more could he lose? His best friend had already abandoned him, his Slytherin peers eager to do the same, only ever defending him out of obligation for their own house. He had no one, nothing to care for except his own reputation. He’d come to Hogwarts wanting to make something of himself, to build himself a future better suited for a Prince than a Snape and that’s what he was going to do one way or the other. 

He made his way to his dorm first, retrieving the stash of potion ingredients he hid under his bed and cross referenced what he needed from the notes he’d taken in the back of his Advanced Potion Making textbook. He had nearly everything he needed, but he knew he could get the rest from the potion’s cupboard before Potion’s class today. It would take some time to brew and he’d probably have to stay up tonight, but he knew he could finish it just in time for his ‘date’ with you. 

 You’d spent all week excited for the weekend. Every day you woke up with a smile until finally the day of the Hogsmeade trip arrived. You were the first to wake, preparing for the day as your nerves grew, your friends questioning why you seemed so happy all of a sudden, but you brushed them all off. You didn’t want anything to ruin this day, knowing they’d laugh if you told them you were going out with Severus. You just wanted to enjoy your date, to be left alone and show Severus there was someone in this school who would love nothing more than to spend every second of the day with him. 

Naturally you’d show up early and of course you were prepared. You sat at a nearby bench with your nose in a book as you usually were when you were alone and despite the crowd that grew with every second that past, Severus had no trouble finding you, rather surprised you weren’t surrounded by people all laughing, waiting to see what would come of your plan to humiliate him today. You were reading Magical Theory, one of the most boring books he’d found in all of Hogwarts’ library, yet there you were, enticed by every word, flipping the pages like you couldn’t go another second without reading. 

“H-hello,” he said, startling you as you shot your attention up from your book to him. He felt his heart racing, his nerves escalating like this was a real date. But it wasn’t, it couldn’t be. He was here for one reason and one reason only; the truth. He shouldn’t be feeling guilty for something he had yet to do, but he did. A sliver of him didn’t want to hurt you, instead hoping that this was real, that you were here because you were genuinely interested in him, but he knew better. How could someone as popular, as liked and as beautiful as you be interested in him?

“Severus, I’m glad you showed.” You gave him the widest smile he’d ever seen anyone give him as you closed your book and stood up.

“I said I would didn’t I?” Severus rose a brow at you, taken back by the enthusiasm in your tone. 

“Yes, but you seemed reluctant the other day.” Truth be told, you half expected to spend the day alone in absolute despair trying to distract yourself in that book as you pretended like you weren’t hurt from being stood up. But he came and he seemed much less defensive than before. 

“Shall we?” He gestured to the group of students making their way down to Hogsmeade. You nodded your head and happily joined him as you walked side by side amongst the crowd. Severus was already suspicious of you and your intentions knowing if he was alone, he would have been called ‘Snivellus’ at least once by now. He felt shielded around you, like no one could touch him and for a moment, he was relieved to feel normal for once. 

“I loved your presentation in Defense last week,” you commented, hoping some light conversation would help ease the mood before you found a place to settle for the day. Severus glared at you in surprise, wondering if you were trying to butter him up or if you had actually paid attention during class unlike the rest of his useless classmates.

“Really? What did you like about it?” Severus questioned your honesty, wondering if he could catch you in a lie before your ‘date’ even started.

“I love how in-depth your research was on cursed objects and your theory of their origin was intriguing,” you said with a smile, holding back your enthusiasm in fear of scaring him away. But you couldn’t help it, you admired Severus and how brilliant he was. You felt the heat rise to your face as you thought about the first time you saw him with his nose in a book, the first time you’d ever found yourself pulled away from your own book. “I noticed you like to hang around the Defense section of the library, is it your favourite subject?”

“You’ve been spying on me?” Your question had the opposite effect that you wanted as you saw his wall rebuild itself around him thicker than before. But you’d never give up knocking and asking him to let you in, to give you a chance and show him he could trust you. 

“N-no, I like to hide in the library at times and I just noticed you were a regular as well,” you said, but you could tell Severus wasn’t convinced. He could almost see the crack in your claims, trying to cover them with some made up weak lie. 

“Why have I never seen you in the library?” The interrogation continued, Severus seeing his victory in his line of sight. He had you cornered and was ready to end the day now when you admitted your true intentions. A smirk began to grow on his face as he thought of the victory at the end of his fingertips. He could almost see the horrific look on the face of whoever is to blame for this day. 

“Pince lets me sit on the second floor overlooking the library, it’s only meant for staff, but she noticed my inability to have a moment to myself and rescued me one day from another mob of people looking to make conversation with me.” 

“That’s kind of her,” he said, gritting his teeth as you slipped away from him, freeing yourself from his near grasp. His lips stretched into a frown as his revenge faded away. The longer he spoke with you the more his hope that this was real grew. You surprised him with your lack of self-absorbent qualities and your interest in what the Hogwarts library had to offer. He never imagined having so much in common with someone with your popularity, always assuming you’d be a lot more like Potter than himself. 

He looked over at you as you nodded, your smile enriching the twinkle in your eye as you gleamed at him with joy. You were so happy to speak with him, to have a casual and light conversation, to share things with him you’d never shared with anyone before. It felt good to open up a bit, to show that other side of you that stayed hidden away when you spoke to your friends or classmates. It was almost freeing, and you only hoped with time, Severus could feel the same with you.

“So, where should we go?” You asked, unsure of what his favourite places at Hogsmeade was. He didn’t seem the type to enjoy a trip to Honeydukes and you knew he didn’t have enough money for the bookstore. 

“We could grab a table at The Three Broomsticks?” Severus suggested as he gestured towards the pub. You nodded your head and made your way over, opening the door and began to make your way to the first empty table you saw. You smiled when Severus pulled on your arm and pointed to the booth in the back instead. He was always such a loner, though you couldn’t help but wonder if he preferred the seclusion now because he didn’t want to be seen with you. You wouldn’t blame him for being skeptical and you were thankful he was giving you a chance, but trust was so important in a relationship and you didn’t want to start it off with an inability to trust one another. 

“Go ahead, I’ll grab us some drinks.” You nodded and made your way to the booth, making yourself comfortable as Severus walked over to the bar. As you slide to the middle of the booth, you began to appreciate Severus' choice in seating, realizing how well hidden you were from everyone, not wanting your day interrupted by someone who thought Severus had kidnapped you and forced you into a date because they thought someone like you shouldn’t be out with someone like him. 

Severus didn’t take long to bring you your drinks, setting them down before shuffling into the booth beside you, grabbing his drink and taking a few gulps. His nerves had finally settled in and he almost wished he’d ordered something stronger for himself. The moment of truth had nearly come and at any moment now he’d get what he came here for, but he was afraid. He feared what the truth may bring him, that if by some small chance you were being honest before, he was about to ruin a love that could have been.

“Thank you,” you said as you reached for your own drink and took a sip. “Not just for the drink, but for giving me a chance as well.”

Severus gulped down the guilt that grew in his chest. There was no going back now. He had to find out the truth, even if you seemed genuine with your feelings towards him. “I was curious to know why you’d want to go out with me.”

He dipped his toes in the water as you both continued to enjoy your drinks and as he hoped, you began to open up to him, though perhaps not in the way he would have thought. “I’ve admired you for quite some time and have been trying to build up the courage to talk to you for a while.”

You put your drink down in shock by your sudden outburst of words. You hadn’t meant to say all that, even if it was on the tip of your tongue. Furrowing your brows, you pressed your lips together, unsure of how you’d lost control so suddenly. You felt like someone was pulling your strings, like they had slapped you on the back so hard, the words just flew out of your mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say all that.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at you, doubting his own abilities and wondered how this could possibly be. He was so sure this was a trick, that you were being deceitful, put up by someone else to embarrass him, but your truth was far from what he was expecting. You were real, you were interested in him, and he’d made a terrible mistake. “S-so no one put you up to asking me out?”

“No of course not. You’re the only person I’ve ever met I felt like I could truly fall in lo-” You clapped your hands over your mouth before you could say anymore. Your eyes widened as you bit down on your tongue, muffling the words you could not believe were about to be heard by him. You looked at him in fear, feeling completely helpless. Your freewill had been stripped away from you and you found yourself unable to control what came out of your mouth. “W-what’s going on?!”

“I-I’m so sorry (Y/N). This was not how I imagined things would go,” he said, his sympathetic tone making it harder for you to stay calm as your heart pounded angrily against your chest. Every fiber in your body told you something was wrong, that you should run, but you couldn’t, you didn’t want to. You’d waited so long to be here, to be in this moment alone with Severus, you didn’t want it ruined.

“What are you talking about?” You let yourself speak just enough to ask for clarification, to give Severus the chance to explain himself, to give you the explanation you needed to stay here with him. 

“I-I slipped Veritaserum into your drink. I thought I could get you to admit this was a trick. I didn’t expect this. I’m so sorry.” You looked at him with absolute horror, your heart breaking into a million pieces as his betrayal sunk in. He’d manipulated you, used you like a puppet when you’d done nothing but open yourself up to him. You’d trusted him like you’d done with no one before, and he tossed that away like it meant nothing. Your eyes swelled with tears, unable to look at him any longer. Your legs immediately swept you from your seat as you glued your mouth shut, trying to escape the prison Severus had trapped you in

“(Y/N) wait!” Severus cried after you in desperation, unable to believe how he’d messed up something he could only dream of having. You were an angel that anyone would have felt lucky to be with and he was the demon you’d chose instead. The demon who’d scared you away from love, from happiness, from a good and honest relationship. He tried to grab your wrist, but his hand failed to hold onto you as your skin, your oh so perfect skin grazed his fingertips. You ran out the door with tears dripping down your face and a hand over your mouth, leaving him deserted. His eyes followed you until you were no longer within his line of sight, running to get as far away from the monster who’d broken your trust, your faith in him. 

Slumping back in his seat, he stared blankly at his hands, the hands that had spent all week brewing a potion that was meant to bring him peace, a sense of power and control over his own life, yet it brought him nothing but an empty heart and crushed aspirations. Your words rang in his ears, the kind tone you took with him, the loving look you gave him all sinking in much differently now that he knew for certain they were real. He looked up at the drink that had ruined his second chance, the chance at a happy life, a life where he no longer had to be alone and swung his arm at it in anger.

The pub fell silent as glass shattered, the drink spilling all over the floor as Severus pushed himself up and began storming out the door, ignoring the calls of the angry bartender who stood over the mess he’d made. Severus ran in the same direction he’d seen you head, but found no sight of you. He had no idea what he’d say or why he so suddenly ran after you without thinking. He just knew he had to find you. He couldn’t give up on the miracle he’d been asking for all his life, someone who truly cared for him, who liked him for who he was and could look past his flaws.  

He looked around and found himself in a lost haze, unsure of what to do next. You were gone, vanished like a figment of his imagination and he was left here to wonder how he’d managed to get so lucky to have the one person the entire school was after fall for him. He looked back at the road back to Hogwarts before he found his legs suddenly jolting him forward as if his body knew exactly where to go. He couldn’t understand what was happening, how he felt like he had no control over himself. His mind was cycling as it tried to comprehend what was happening, how he could be driven on nothing but emotions, his feelings for you pushing him to run as fast as he could back to the castle and up those flights of stairs. 

By the time he got to his destination, his hair was sticking to the sides of his face, his lungs gasping for air as he felt his entire body heat up. His heart pounded angrily against his chest, shouting at him to keep going, that he wasn’t done until he’d found you, but he’d never run so much in his life, never felt so unable to breath, even after the massive panic attrack he had the night after the Whomping Willow incident. 

Looking around the library, he found his way to the door he knew only staff were allowed to open. His hand bolted for the doorknob, tugging on it to find it locked. Pulling out his wand, he tried to unlock it with no luck. His fists pounded on the door in frustration, he needed to get in there, he knew you were in there, he could feel it. You’d trusted him enough to tell him about this place and as much as he was aware you didn’t want to see him, he needed to see you. “(Y/N)! (Y/N)! Please open the door! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t think- I didn’t know!”

Severus hung his head low as he pressed himself to the door. This was as close to you as he knew he’d ever get again. He’d ruined any chance of a relationship with you and you were right to hide away from him. He was destructive, ruining anything he touched, anyone who spoke with him or dare come near him and perhaps that was why Potter felt the need to hex and curse him every time they saw one another. He couldn’t let it go on, he had to try and mend things, if not to at least make up for what he’d done.

“Please, at least let me undo what I’ve done. I can cure you and if you don’t want to hear what I have to say then I’ll leave. But please let me fix this.” Severus shut his eyes, tears threatening to fall as his forehead met the door. He stood there in silence, wondering if he’d hurt you so bad you’d abandoned the one place you felt safe in this school, if he’d done to you what Potter had to him. He’d become what he hated and was about ready to retreat to his dorm when he heard the doorknob turning, the door slowly opening as he took a step back, his eyes wide as he wiped away the tears that rolled down his cheeks. 

Your eyes met his and you felt your disappointment melt into anger. Your jaw hardened as you locked your teeth together, doing everything you could to keep from speaking another word to Severus. You watched him snap out of your gaze and begin to fumble with his robes, pulling out a small stone and presenting it to you. You stared down at it confused, wondering what kind of apology this was meant to be. 

“It’s a bezoar. I know it’s not the most comfortable solution, but it’s all I have,” Severus offered it to you, hoping you’d take it, that he could try and regain your trust once again. He held out hope as he watched your posture relax the slightest bit, your hand hesitantly reaching for the stone. He wouldn’t dare speak a word or move a muscle until you indicated what it was you wished of him next. From this moment forward, he would do nothing you didn’t ask for, say nothing you didn’t demand. 

Tossing the stone into your mouth, you swallowed hard and groaned at the feeling of its rough texture travelling down your throat. You heaved for air, but for the first time since you ran out of The Three Broomsticks, you found yourself able to relax your jaw, your fear of spilling your guts disappearing. Straightening your back, you looked at Severus who seemed unable to move or breath, waiting for your command to do so as his wide eyes stared desperately into yours. You’d never felt so conflicted, your feelings for him clouding your instinct to slap him for what he’d done to you. You never felt so humiliated, so used in your life. Severus had gone from the person who’d treated you like a normal human being to the one person in your life who’d hurt you worse than you ever thought you could be hurt. But you still couldn’t find it in you to shove him away and lock him out of your life. So instead, you closed the door behind you and stood your ground with your arms crossed, waiting for Severus to explain himself. 

“I-I’m so sorry.” He nearly choked on his words as they came out when he saw the look on your face, the frown you wore. No word would ever be large enough to truly depict how he felt right now and as much as he wanted to say more, all he could do was apologize.

“You already said that,” you mumbled in a whisper, speaking against your own trauma from the truth serum that Severus had given you. He looked so sincere, so desperate for your forgiveness. You’d never seen him like this before, clawing at someone else for something only they could give. He’d always been such a strong person even if others would disagree. He wasn’t presumptuous as he was proud of himself and his achievements, but the person who stood before you now had no pride left to show. He had nothing but regret and torment in his eyes.

“And I can never say it enough. I should never have put that potion in your drink and I wish I could take it back. I didn’t think you were being genuine. I was so sure you were lying to me.” He spoke honestly, hoping you’d have faith he was being truthful with every word he spoke, that you could at least put the trust in him he failed to put in you. 

“Why?” You couldn’t let go of the sheer stupidity of what he’d done. His reasoning didn’t make the slightest bit of sense to you, and if you could understand why he did it, maybe you could begin to forgive him.

“Why? Because you’re you and I’m me and why would I ever believe you of all people would be interested in me?” Severus went on as if the question was an absurd one to ask, the answer so obvious, even a house elf could see it. He wondered how you couldn’t see his hesitation, why you’d ever think he’d simply accept the fact you were interested in him.

“Because I said that I did!” you said bluntly, rather offended he questioned your intentions at all. Never had anyone second guessed you to this extreme before and you didn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“I know, I just-”

“Didn’t trust my word?” You looked completely heart broken, more so then when you realized he’d slipped truth serum into your drink. He could see trust was something you cherished between those you let close to you and he’d completely ruined his chance at gaining it from you.

“No, I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not after the way the school decided to brand me all those years ago.” Severus had no hope of convincing you what he did was justifiable because even he knew it wasn’t. All he could hope for was for you to understand his hesitation, to understand why he had to do something when you approached him to see if you were genuine in your intentions.

“I’ve never treated you that way,” you retorted.

“I know. I’m sorry and I’ll understand if you’ll never want to speak with me again.” He put the ball in your court, completely at your mercy. Whatever it was you decided to do, he would respect it, but every inch of him begged you to give him another chance, to let him have a proper opportunity to have someone in his life that would care for him, to have a happy ending. But as Severus stared into your blank eyes, he could tell he hadn’t swayed you in any way. It was his fault and as he had nothing more to say, all he could do was turn around to walk away from everything that could have been.

“That’s it?” Severus stopped as you called after him, turning around in surprise as he stared at you blankly. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re just going to walk away? You’re not going to try and fight? For-for this?” You gestured between yourselves with a sliver of hope in your eyes. You knew you shouldn’t have expected much from him, but a part of you hoped he’d be a little more resilient to giving up on you, especially after all that time you’d spent admiring him from afar. 

“I-I didn’t think there was anything to fight for,” he said truthfully, looking at you with wide eyes as he walked back to you. He stared at you intently, trying to read you, to figure you out with all these mysteries surrounding you. How could someone so beautiful fall for him, want to be with him enough you’d be willing to give him a chance at redemption when his own best friend wouldn’t give him such a thing?

You took a step forward, wanting so badly to have all those talks with him you’d dreamed of having, to enjoy spending time with him if not to simply read together and find comfort in each other's company. You wanted to go back and give him a chance to redo the evening, to have it end much differently than yours and if it were anyone else, you would never have given him the chance to explain himself. But it wasn’t someone else, it was him. It was the one person in this whole world who you thought could break your curse, who seemed immune to it.

“Severus, why don’t you treat me like everyone else in this school?”

Severus stood in silence a moment as he thought back to how easily everyone worshipped the ground you walked on, how you always seemed to have a trail of people behind you, admiring you for no reason other than your looks. His thoughts wandered to Lily and how Potter seemed just as enchanted with her as the rest of the school did to you, how he’d only become intrigued with Lily after finding out she was a kind witch who lived in Cokeworth.

“I just-I suppose I just never thought of you in that way because I didn’t know you, and I never thought you’d be interested in knowing me.” Severus tried to be as honest as he could, watching you with hope. He held onto the fact you hadn’t run away, that you’d given him the chance to speak, to hear him and understand him. You were so kind, nothing like he would have ever imagined and he knew if he was ever so lucky as to get a second chance with you, he would never take it for granted again.

“Well, I am,” you said with a smile. You’d always been rather talented at reading people after the absurdity you’d seen from others, and Severus had truly wanted to make amends. You prayed your faith in him wasn’t misplaced, that he meant every word he said and that he saw what you saw. “If you are.”

“I am.” The words flew out of his mouth faster than he could process. He jumped at the chance you offered, beyond excited for the happy life he saw ahead of him. “Would you perhaps like to try again?” 

You nodded your head eagerly, excited for your do-over date. You almost wanted to forget what had happened today, to approach things with him from a fresh perspective. “Valentine’s day is coming up. Would you care to share a cup of tea with me at Madam Puddifoot’s tea shop?”

“Really?” Severus couldn’t believe how kind hearted you were, how willing you were to see the good in others and how tremendously lucky he was to have found you, or more accurately, have you find him. 

“So long as I’m buying this time,” you nodded with a laugh, eliciting a smile from Severus as you began making your way out of the library. You smiled as you finally got to see the real him, the person you grew infatuated with, the boy who you saw hope for love with. For the first time in your life, you felt content, excited for the spark you felt growing inside your heart. You could experience love for the first time in your life, real, pure love and you couldn’t wait to see what more it had in store for you.

#Severus Snape #Severus x reader #Severus Snape x reader #Snape x reader #young Severus Snape #young Snape x reader #my fanfic #my writing #pro Snape #snapedom

[missjaystone]

Inescapable

Summary: Even in the middle of the ocean, your alpha manages to find you, even if it was an accident. Pairing(s): Alpha!Helmut Zemo x Reader Word Count: 3,640 Warning(s): NONCON! DUBCON! A/B/O Dynamics! Forced Claiming! Manipulation! Implied Stalking! Miscarriage mentioned! Death mentioned!

Everything around you froze when you looked up and met a certain pair of brown eyes, a certain sparkle when they looked into yours. The contact was brief before he was led around the corner by the Dora Milaje but it felt like it would never end. You worked on the Raft as a therapist to put as much distance between the two of you as possible but now that he was here, where could you go? The way he smiled at you as he walked by, it wasn't comforting like the first time you'd seen it, it made your heart stop in fear. It made his claiming mark on your neck throb in pain, a reminder of how much power he'd had over you before and how much he'd always have. It reminded you that he was your alpha, whether you wanted him to be or not. The man that passed by you wasn't the man you'd met, he was much worse.

The battle was over, your husband was dead, the child you were growing followed suit not long after you got the news, like he couldn't bear to even be born in a world without his father; you couldn't even blame him, you'd contemplated ending your own life to join your husband in whatever afterlife awaited. You'd just gone back to work after your allotted week of bereavement leave and another week of personal time. You weren't sure if you were ready to go back to work or not, but at the very least it would distract you. The first thing you noticed when stepping into your office were the pictures of you, your husband, and his family. You turned the picture frames face down before you could stare for too long, everyone in the pictures was dead; your husband, your mother and father in law, your two brothers-in-law, everyone.

Your first patient came exactly at 9:30 for their appointment. He was a brown-eyed brunette man of average height, dressed surprisingly nice for a therapy appointment. You greeted him with a soft smile and a handshake. "Welcome, Mr..." you trailed off so he could introduce himself. "Zemo," he answered, his thumb running over your knuckles gently before he let go of your hand and took a seat "Baron Helmut Zemo." "Would you like me to address you as Baron Zemo or Mr. Zemo? Or just simply Helmut if that would make you comfortable?" You asked him. "You can just call me Helmut, Doctor, but thank you for asking," he returned the same sad smile you'd given him when he came in. "Well, Helmut, I'm glad you came in. It's never easy dealing with loss and having someone to talk to is far better than bottling it up. I'm proud of you." He gave a single nod after looking around the office, motioning to the overturned picture on your desk "I thought my friend might be nuts to have referred me here but maybe you understand my pain better than anyone can." You smiled sadly at him "you'd be surprised at how many people understand." You saw his attention drift towards the sweets jar on your desk, holding it out to him "Turkish delight?" He smiled a bit more, this time a little more genuine as he took a piece out "don't mind if I do, Doctor."

After your first appointment, he came back twice a week. He told you about his wife and son, how much it hurt when he finally found their bodies amidst all the rubble. You asked him about his favorite memories with them, trying to make him remember the good times. You asked him about them; his wife's favorite flower or his son's favorite toy, encouraged him to open up about them. Soon he had you talking about your husband and the people you lost. It was amazing how effortlessly he tore down both your professional and emotional walls. He had you falling for him before you even knew you were.

For two months you tried every which way to talk him down off of his growing rage and hatred for the Avengers. You used everything you'd learned in school to make him understand breaking them apart wouldn't bring back his family or make anything better. At the beginning of the third month, he seemed to drop it, and you foolishly thought that was the end of it, that he'd seen reason. He'd slowly been getting bolder during your appointments, asking questions, each more personal than the last but only by a little. One evening, after seeing him for almost four months, he showed up about half an hour after your last appointment of the day, it was about a quarter of six. He was dressed just as nice as he always was, maybe even nicer "I hate to disturb you so late, doctor but may I take you out to dinner this evening? I'd very much like to thank you for these past months; I knew it's your job but I can't imagine what kind of troubled headspace I'd be in if I didn't have you to talk to." He'd asked so politely, how could you refuse? While you gathered your things, you missed the hungry look in his eyes. You missed the way they dragged over your body, the same way a lion looks at his prey. You'd be his omega soon. Whether you wanted it or not. You were his innocent, gentle little lamb and you needed to be protected from other wolves.

Thirty minutes later, the two of you were at his favorite fine dining restaurant in all of Novi Grad. It was fun, the most fun you'd had in months since the battle of Sokovia and the heartbreak that followed. After that first dinner together, it became a more frequent occurrence, usually once a week after his appointment. You were smart, you knew how stupid it was to be dining with the patient so frequently. This professional relationship was becoming close and intimate. He had you on the hook before you could even realize it and pull away. As you began dining with him more, your guard fell. Helmut was no longer your patient, he was your friend, he understood your pains. You began dining together more frequently and then he introduced alcohol into the equation.

When you looked back at everything, you cursed yourself for being so stupid. How could you not see his plan? He was making you comfortable so it'd be easier for him to go in for the kill. Everything you shared with him would get used against you later. Helmut could play your mind like a flute and you let him, you gave him the tools he needed to find your weak spots and exploit them for his own benefit. If he'd crashed into your life and caused as much trouble as he had, you could hate him, but you let him in, welcomed him even and he made himself as comfortable as possible before finally taking what he came for.

Your first night together was gentle and slow, getting to know each other's bodies on such an intimate level. You turned your back to him afterward, eyes watering as the feeling of betrayal settled in the pit of your stomach like a stone. "What's the matter, malo jagnje? Did I hurt you?" He'd asked softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your shoulder as he looked you over worriedly. You shook your head, quickly wiping your tears before they hit the satin pillow sheets beneath you. "No, it's not you, Helmut," you whispered. "Then what?"  He asked, a worried frown on his face. "I just worry, it feels too soon, like I've already started moving on," you answered with a sniffle. "Nobody mourns the same, jagnje, it's different for everyone. You told me that," he assured you, wrapping you in his arms and pulling your back to his chest.

He repeated everything you'd told him whenever you got emotional. 'Sometimes the best way to honor someone's memory is to find new ways to be happy' 'you can't beat yourself up for being happy without them, this is what they would have wanted' 'nobody can ever replace them but you can't wallow in self-pity forever'. Every piece of advice you gave him was used back against you. The two of you had been seeing each other for two months before you stopped answering his calls and messages. He'd shown up at your apartment when you hadn't returned his messages, worried something had happened to you, that his little side activities trying to destroy the Avengers might have led to you being hurt or captured or worse.

He was relieved to find you alive and well. "You haven't been speaking to me, are you unwell?" He asked after you hesitantly let him inside. "I don't think I can keep doing this, Helmut, I'm sorry," you said in a shaky, quiet voice. His face fell in disappointment "what's the matter? Have I done something? Malo jagnje, please, you can tell me anything you know that," he pleaded, taking your hand only to have it slowly pulled from his grasp.

"It's not you, Helmut," you said as clearly as you could muster, wiping the tears that were already beginning to roll down your cheeks. "Then what is it, moj voljeni? What's happened?" He pleaded for an answer. "It was too soon, I can feel myself forgetting him and I don't want to. I don't want to forget all the time me and Christoph spent imagining and building our future together. I don't want to forget about the baby we almost had, that died inside of me almost as soon as he heard the news of his father's death. I don't want to forget everything he and I had but when I'm with you, I feel the memories slipping away and I'm not ready and I'm so sorry for that Helmut," you told him, sniffling throughout. He stared at you for a long moment after you finished speaking, not saying anything. When he finally did react, he approached you and pressed a kiss to your forehead "I understand, little lamb, and I'll wait for you." With that, he gave you a tight hug, rubbing your back comfortingly as you sobbed into his chest for a bit before he left. You went to sleep that night thinking about how lucky you were to have a confidant like Helmut in your life.

You remembered thinking that was the end of things. He took it well and things would continue as they were before you became sexually involved. No wonder he called you his little lamb, you were too innocent and naive to see the anger in his eyes when you told him you'd stop sleeping together. If you knew then what you knew now, you would have run from the hills, hidden at the north pole. You would have gone to the police and gotten a restraining order or hired a security detail. But you didn't do any of that. You were a lamb being led to the slaughter by no one other than yourself.

Helmut stormed into your office on a night he knew you stayed late to put the week's worth of notes away in their correct files. As fast as he'd appeared, he'd closed and locked the door behind him, watching your stunned form for a reaction. "Helmut?" You barely managed to get his name out before he'd crossed the room, pulling you to him and into a rough kiss. No matter how much you shoved his chest, he only pulled away when he was ready to. He effortlessly picked you up and set you on your desk, already positioning himself between your legs "I've waited for you to realize your mistake, jagnje, but I'll wait no more. I know you love me, омега, you're troubled mind is still reeling from the loss too much to accept it." "Helmut, I don't want this anymore, stop it," you shoved him away but it did little to dissuade him. It only angered him.

He grabbed your jaw tightly and made you look into his eyes; the pools of brown swirls had been replaced by black, lust-blown pupils of a... an alpha going through his rut. It sent waves of panic through your mind but waves of something else to your core. You whimpered when you felt your heartbeat speed up, reacting to the alpha's close, intimidating presence. "Helmut this isn't what you want, this isn't you," you tried to reason despite the rising panic telling you to run. He chuckled darkly "oh, little lamb, this is what I've longed for since before I stepped foot in your office. I caught a whiff of your sweet, scent when you visited the memorial all those months ago and I knew you'd be mine. You might not want to admit it, but your body knows you need an alpha like me to treat you right, keep you safe," he hummed as he ground the growing bulge in his pants against your clothed core. "Helmut-" you started, but his squeezing your jaw harder made you stop immediately. "You'll address me as alpha from now on, little lamb. I'd rather not hurt you but tonight I will make you mine by any means necessary, understood?" He asked, loosening his hold so you could nod, which you did hesitantly.

Pleased, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your pants and pulled them and your underwear down, a smirk appearing on his features. He pulled your pants completely off and discarded them carelessly, holding your underwear up so you could see just how much you didn't want this; the flimsy black fabric already had a small amount of slick arousal on it. You watched in embarrassed shock and he brought the fabric close and sniffed it, a pleased hum leaving his lips as he tucked them into the pocket of his pants. "I think you do want this little omega, you want to please your alpha don't you?" He asked softly as his hand slowly drifted higher up on your thigh. "You aren't my alpha, Helmut," you said bitterly, ignoring the tears that stung your eyes as you glared daggers at the man you'd considered your friend and confidant. He snarled and dropped his hand to your neck, squeezing until the air barely flowed "but I will me, little lamb. And you'll be my perfect little omega, my perfect girl who'll give me the family we both crave and deserve."

His hand on your thigh finally came in contact with your core which was already soaked and ready for him. He hastily pushed in two of his fingers, curling them as he pulled you into a dominating kiss, nipping your bottom lip enough to bruise. Your denials were muffled by his lips and soon faded into pitiful, needy whines from his unwanted touches. He smiled darkly against your lips when he felt your body arch into him "see, омега? Your body knows what it wants, it's that big beautiful brain of yours that's keeping you down." You shook your head, trying to save any dignity you had left, which was none "I don't want this, Helmut, and I don't want you!" The words felt like acid coming up but his chuckle hurt worse. He was three fingers deep in your cunt, pulling whines and quiet, muffled moans from your lips, he knew you didn't mean that.

When he abruptly pulled his fingers out, you regrettably let out a disappointed whine, another, needier whine following as you watched him suck his fingers clean without break eye contact. It took .2 seconds for him to undo his belt and push his pants and briefs down, stroking his throbbing cock while he looked into your eyes. His hand still holding your wrist remaining just as tight. "I'll always take good care of you, my needy little lamb, you'll never want for anything ever," he promised, planting a gentle kiss on your forehead that didn't match the roughness he used to immediately bury himself to the hilt. He started off with a brutal pace, not giving you any time at all to adjust as he had before. His thrusts were purely animalistic, he was just an alpha trying to knot the omega in front of him amid his own release. He let you bury your face in his chest as an escape for now, whispering the filthiest things you'd ever heard in your life.

"See, little lamb? See how much you need your alpha to make you feel good, make you feel better than good?" He asked when you finally gave up on trying to mentally escape the moment. "N-not my alpha," you stuttered out in between the rough hammering of his hips. He snarled and bared his teeth, eyes darkening even more than you thought possible. "We'll see," he mumbled angrily. He tilted your head and moved your hair out of the way quickly, leaving no time for you to react before he sunk his teeth into your mating gland, his hips faltering a few times before his movements went from thrusts to more a series of rapid ruts as his knot began to inflate. Your pained scream was music to his ears, it was the sound of you becoming his omega, making it so no other alpha alive would dare to so much as breath on you.

When he detached from your shoulder, he again pulled you into a kiss, making sure you could taste the metallic taste of your blood on his lips while the feeling of euphoria from the bite coursed through your veins, reaching every last nerve ending. He let out a pleased groan when he felt your cunt strain around his knot as you came, sending him headfirst into his own climax almost immediately. His face happily buried in your chest as he rode out his orgasm, ropes of his cum painting your walls, reaching your innermost areas while you held onto him for dear life.

Your stifled sobs made him look up, a small frown on his face. "Oh, little lamb, don't cry," he said softly as he wiped your cheeks "I just want to keep you safe from all the wolves in the world, it won't always be this way." He ignored how hard your palm connected to his cheek "you bastard!" He gently picked you up and sat down in your chair, letting you curl up in his lap without dislodging his knot, smirking slightly when he heard your whimper at the shift in position. He soothingly rubbed your back as he held you close, comforting you "it's okay, омега, I'd hoped you'd accept us on your own terms but my rut came early and nobody else will do." You hated this; being reduced to your dynamic, to some cock sleeve for him to use as he saw fit. He'd bound you to him for the rest of your lives and there was nothing you could do about it now, so you curled into his chest and sobbed until you had no more tears.

You recalled the way he stayed with you for the rest of the night, comforting and tending to you. He'd return often, usually every other day to take you out somewhere for a date or just show up at your apartment to do it all over again. You couldn't put up much of a fight, once he was close enough, your omega side came out and you were putty in his hands. And he knew that, and he treasured it. He showered you in gifts; clothes, jewelry, wines, books, everything he could think of. When his visits became few and further in between, you hated the nerves you felt. You hated the way you wondered when he'd come back home to you. You were messed up, and it felt like it was all your doing. You broke your professional rules. You let him into your life. You told him everything he needed to know to get to you. You let him claim you. You were Baron Helmut Zemo's little lamb, and he'd never let you forget it, leaving bruises on your thighs and hickeys on your neck to show any and everyone you were a protected little omega, and woe to anyone who caught your alpha's wrath.

You then had to watch in horror as his actions became known on the news; he'd never given up his plot to destroy the Avengers. He'd succeeded more than he could have ever dreamed of and now, he was in jail. He'd be in jail for the rest of his life. It felt like losing your husband all over again, the pain deep in your heart hurt twice as much now. You practically had to go through detox to get used to life without your Helmut around you. You were still protected by his mark but you'd never get to listen to him shower you with praises while he cleaned you up after sex. You had to get used to a life without being on his arm and you hated yourself for craving his attention and companionship that you'd still claim to hate.

He smiled so happy when they stopped while waiting for the door to open. He spoke in Sokovian so nobody around understood him "izgledaš prelepo kao onog dana kad sam te pogledao, jagnje malo." "What'd he just say?" Your superior asked, looking between the two of you. You felt that familiar stone in the pit of your stomach, he'd have you doing his bidding in no time. You were already wrapped around his finger. You shook your head and looked at your boss "he's mistaken me for someone else." "Jedva čekam da stignem, jagnje," Helmut said with a smirk before he was pulled away by a member of the Dora Milaje, leaving you with a wink.

-malo jagnje - мало јагње - little lamb -jagnje - јагње - lamb -moj voljeni? - мој вољени - my beloved -омега - omega -izgledaš prelepo kao onog dana kad sam te pogledao, jagnje malo - изгледаш прелепо као оног дана кад сам те погледао, јагње мало - you look as beautiful as the day I laid eyes on you, little lamb -Jedva čekam da stignem, jagnje - Једва чекам да стигнем, јагње - I can't wait to catch up, lamb

#Baron Zemo #Baron Helmut Zemo #Helmut Zemo #Alpha!Helmut Zemo #Alpha!Zemo Smut #Helmut Zemo smut #Zemo Smut #TFATWS #It's 5 am and honestly #This might not last 24 hours #Imma head out tho #TW: Dubcon #TW: NonCon #TW: Dubious Consent #TW: Nonconsent

[eldritchqueerture]

Hello! This is a project for @summer-in-the-archives-event that I worked on with @horizonindigo! We came up with the idea together and based our individual works around the poem I wrote, included in the fic. You can find their absolutely amazing art here!!

I freaking loved working on this one and I got more and more excited as we progressed. I also surprised myself with the poem itself a bit, definitely didn’t expect it to end up quite as cool, if I may say so myself. It was incredibly fun to write.

Big shoutout to @sunflowers-and-frogs for beta reading, I love you bestie <3

I would like to thank all the mods that made this event possible! It’s my first time taking part in anything like this and it was really, really fun, so THANK YOU <3 Love you guys :3 Anyways, enough of my rambling kdfjgkjsdfg

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Relationship: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical The Lonely Content (The Magnus Archives), Kissing, Excessive Tea-Making, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), Poetry, Love Confessions Warnings: self-esteem issues, typical Lonely content, discussions of free-will and determinism, graphic kiss

Summary: As Martin fights the remnants of the Lonely's influence on their ride to Daisy's safehouse in Scotland, he focuses on his feelings for Jon to keep him tethered to reality. He watches Jon be himself in the safety of the cottage, share these small intimacies of domesticity and the words come to him as a poem weaves itself into the pages of his notebook...

He feels the taste of salt in his mouth, as he looks out of the car window at the rapidly falling away landscape, covered in the darkness of the night. He feels Jon’s presence next to him, focused on driving but glancing every so often at him with concern. Martin feels like he should say something, somehow fill the silence that has befallen them, but no words ever find their way to his mouth. He stays quiet, watching the trees pass them by, trying to ignore the anxious churning in his stomach. He’s always been pretty good at filling awkward silences with chatter; at least before the Lonely. Now… he can’t help but feel bothered by Jon’s presence, even though he did all of this for him, even though this is what he’s wanted all this time; it’s like a splinter, prickling at his mind, almost causing him physical discomfort. He swallows and feels the salty taste on his tongue; he discards the thoughts and tries his best to breathe through the discomfort, instead focusing on the sensation of Jon’s warm hand on his.

Martin used to be the warm one; he’d always been generating heat and his mind goes back to the early days in the Archives when the basement was cold in the winter and both Tim and Sasha used to gravitate towards him with their respective cups of tea during breaks. Now his whole body is cold, the chill of the ocean breeze and fog having settled in his bones so deep he thinks he’ll never feel warm again. The thought isn’t sparking any emotions in him though. It’s just a thing that he’s learned to accept, just as the fact that he’ll always be alo—

“Do you want me to put on some music?” Jon asks with another one of his glances. Every time, he raises his eyebrows a bit, and tilts his head to the side; Martin expects the concern in his eyes, but he sees something else there as well. He’s been afraid to put a label to the expression for the fear he’s reading him wrong, but the bolder part of his mind tells him it’s fondness.

Jon’s hand is warm, and his thumb grazes the skin of his palm just a little, as if not sure he’s allowed to. Martin looks down at their hands and feels warmth spark in his stomach; he smiles.

“I’m sorry I’m—I’m not really good at the whole, uh… small talk thing,” Jon adds with a flush, turning his head back to the road. “I should probably be talking about something, though, to, uh… to keep you here. I suppose.” He visibly cringes at his words.

“It’s—It’s fine, Jon,” Martin chuckles, and Jon relaxes, fixing him with a quick smile of his own. “I’m just… you know.” He looks down at their hands again and has a brief feeling they belong to someone else. Not him. Never him. “I’m not quite… out of that. Yet.”

Another look of concern. Martin feels heat prickling at his cheeks and he’s a little bit glad, because at least it’s a feeling. He interlaces their fingers and looks out the front window.

They spend the ride in relative silence. Jon tries a couple more times to start small talk and fails; they stop at a gas station at one point and Martin takes out his notebook when Jon disappears inside the station to pay for gas. He flicks through it and his eyes stop at an unfinished draft; he started writing it shortly before Peter took him down to the Panopticon, but he’d only managed to get a few first lines down. Despite still feeling the cold in his bones and his mind being clouded by the remains of the fog, words come to him, and he starts scribbling. He continues to do so even when Jon comes back with tea and an assortment of snacks, blushing just a little bit when Jon shoots a curious look at the notebook. He doesn’t ask and Martin is thankful for it. He’s not the sort to show his drafts to anyone, especially to the subject he’s writing about.

It’s 1am when they arrive at the cottage; they’re both exhausted and they quickly take their bags inside and lock the door. The cottage is small and practical, just Daisy’s style; it’s also quite dusty from months of abandonment. Martin yawns as he opens one of the bags to get the essentials. They should leave unpacking and cleaning for the next day.

He hears Jon’s footsteps on the wooden floor coming back from the initial run of the house and he turns to tell him that, but the somewhat sheepish look on his face stops him in his tracks. Has he ever seen Jon look sheepish before?

“So, uh, obviously this was Daisy’s safehouse when she was, well… Avoiding people,” he says, not meeting Martin’s eyes.

“I hope ‘avoiding people’ doesn’t mean killing them in this context,” Martin snorts, not sure if he’s entirely joking. The humour is lost on Jon, however, as he looks at him confused for a moment before he processes Martin’s words.

“Oh, no, no, I-I don’t believe she, uh… She just slept here.” Jon shifts awkwardly. “And that means there’s uh, there’s only one bed.”

Martin’s eyes widen and his lips form a little “Oh”.

“Of course, if you’re not comfortable with sharing, I can just take the couch, you need some proper rest and I’m used to running on low sleep” —Jon averts his gaze as he speaks. He grabs his bag and walks over to the couch, and Martin wants to stop him talking and just say that they should share the bed, but his voice seems to have left him at this crucial moment. He just stares as Jon places the bag on the couch and looks back at him, aware of the silence. “Martin?”

Martin swallows, a familiar cold freezing his toes. He feels the damp sand underneath his bare feet and a chill runs down his spine. He blinks and tightens his grip on the bag he’s been holding. This is real, he is real, Jon is real.

“You need good rest too,” he finally manages to say, and he’s surprised by how clear and normal his voice sounds; it makes Jon relax a bit. “We should share the bed, if-if you are comfortable with that.”

A small smile appears on Jon’s lips and a warm feeling fills Martin’s stomach again; he knows the smile is for him.

“Okay,” he says softly and picks the bag up.

They manage to keep the awkwardness of it to the minimum; they’re both very tired and at one point it just doesn’t matter anymore. Jon hands Martin a separate blanket and he pushes the disappointment down into a void inside him where he keeps feelings to come back to when he’s alone. It would be foolish of him to hope for cuddling since they haven’t talked about anything yet.

He expects to fall asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow, but he finds himself awake in the darkness after goodnights are said (Jon’s voice sounds so soft and tender Martin has forgotten all about his earlier disappointment). He’s laying on his back, eyes closed, and he feels Jon’s presence on his right. His breathing is steady, not yet slow enough to indicate sleep, but calm and relaxed. Martin peeks out through half-lidded eyes – he hasn’t gotten used to the darkness as much yet, but he can see Jon laying on his side, facing him, his eyes closed and his hair loosely framing his face. One of his hands rests close to his head on the pillow. Martin blinks, fully opening his eyes now and smiling softly. As his vision clears, Martin notices Jon frowning ever so slightly, and he wonders if the faint lines between his eyebrows smoothen when he’s asleep.

“Is watching people sleep a usual activity for you?” Jon whispers with amusement as he opens his eyes and Martin gasps with surprise and looks away, feeling heat prickle at his cheeks.

“Wha—uh, no! No, of course no—Sorry, I—” He rambles, and he thinks he might just die from embarrassment when he hears Jon laugh quietly.

“It’s fine, Martin.” He shakes his head with a sigh. “Really. I-- Sorry, I thought a joke would, um… lighten the mood somewhat.”

Martin risks a look at him and wonders if the red on his cheeks is visible through the darkness. Jon looks at him with that expression again, something Martin would very much want to classify as fondness if it didn’t feel so impossible. But now that he thinks about it… Would it really be thatfar-fetched? Jon had gone into the Lonely just to get him out. Would he have done that for anyone else? Martin rolls his eyes at himself in his mind, of course he would. He did go into the Buried, and it was for Daisy, a person who has threatened him multiple times, kidnapped and almost killed him. If Jon was ready to lay down his life for her, out of all of them, it shouldn’t be surprising he would do the same for his assistant; it says nothing about his feelings on the matter.

Martin’s memories of the Lonely are hazy. He remembers the cold, the dampness, and the loneliness. He remembers his thoughts, the lonely ones, and how they felt both alien and familiar at the same time. He remembers the comfort, the feeling of fitting in, but also the pain and the fear, just before they were numbed by the cold and the fog that made him forget. And then suddenly, Jon was in front of him, looking at him with desperation on his face, tears in his eyes glowing with a green light. Was it Jon calling for him, or just the Beholding?

“What are you thinking about?” comes Jon’s voice and Martin realizes he’s been staring into the air for a while. He blinks and looks back at Jon.

“Uh…” He searches for words before he gives up on trying to come up with an excuse. His voice is quiet when he speaks. “Why did you do it?”

Jon blinks at him a couple times and rises to lean on his elbow, to better look at Martin.

“What do you mean?”

“The Lonely,” Martin says, not meeting his eyes. Jon is wearing a blue t-shirt with a logo of a band Martin doesn’t recognize; the shirt is loose and it uncovers one of Jon's shoulders which would probably be distracting if Martin’s mind wasn't chilled by the remnants of the fog. “Why did you come for me?”

Even without looking at him, Martin sees Jon’s forehead ripple. A while passes as Jon searches his face and the thought that he shouldn’t have asked starts creeping up to Martin’s head. Shouldn’t have brought any attention to the subject, he should just be glad, he should—

“I care about you, Martin,” Jon says in a very gentle and quiet voice, like he’s afraid anything louder would take away the meaning of his words. Martin looks up at Jon and the hint of that intense blush from before makes it back to his face. “You’re… You matter to me. You will always matter to me.”

Martin can’t stop a small smile appearing on his face and Jon mirrors it.

“Thank you,” Martin whispers, feeling a warmth settle in his chest, finally driving the cold away.

“Anytime.” Jon lays his head back down and settles back with the right hand near his face. “Sleep well, Martin.”

Martin closes his eyes contentedly and he curls up on his right side, facing Jon, as if trying to keep this warm feeling from escaping his chest too soon.

“You too, Jon.”

---

Martin wakes up alone in an unfamiliar bed, the smell of foreign covers filling his nostrils and for a second he panics. He opens his eyes and the memories come back to him; their late arrival at the safehouse and laying down to sleep next to Jon.

He sits up, looking at the space Jon had occupied. It’s vacant now, just the curled up covers he left behind, but it manages to bring a blush to Martin’s cheeks, nonetheless. It feels so… intimate to know that they slept next to each other. It makes him feel warm and cosy.

Martin gets up and goes to the bathroom before he finds Jon in the kitchen. He’s humming quietly as he finishes cleaning the table and he looks up when Martin enters.

“Good morning, Martin.” He smiles and Martin’s afraid he’s going to melt. He takes a quick look around and notices that their sparse kitchen supplies are mostly unpacked, and the kettle is already on the stove.

“How long have you been awake?” He asks; some of the shock must have made it to his voice because Jon looks amused.

“Two hours or so. I’ve always been a morning person.” He shrugs and finishes cleaning the table. “Tea?”

A smile lights up Martin’s face and he gets swept up by the familiarity of the activity, while Jon busies himself with fixing up some breakfast. As both of them work in the kitchen, Martin notices the casual brushes of their skin and touches of the shoulders. He doesn’t know if he’s doing it consciously or if it just happens naturally, but he knows that Jon’s open demeanour is drawing him closer than before. He wonders if he’s been like this ever since he woke up from the coma, and there was just no one to appreciate it.

The morning is relaxed, the casual conversation flowing a lot smoother than the day before, and after breakfast they set out to clean the whole cottage and go down to the village to buy some actual supplies. The village is small, but the local shop provides all the essentials they need; for a moment Martin forgets about everything outside of that village and shopping for groceries with Jon, as if this is their life now, in the Scottish Highlands, living together in a cottage. They talk about cooking dinner, and the cows they passed on the way, and Martin thinks he could get used to that.

The bubble bursts when they finish up and Jon decides to call Basira. She picks up after a while and updates them on the absence of both Jonah Magnus and Daisy. Basira says she’ll send some statements up to them when the Institute stops being an active crime scene, and a shadow passes over Jon’s face. Wrapped up in a conversation about their taste in dinner dishes, it was almost too easy for Martin to forget food isn’t the only sustenance Jon needs. He finds it easier to forget things ever since the Lonely. They walk back to their cottage in silence, Martin grabbing Jon’s hand as soon as he lets go of the phone.

When they get back, Jon declares he’s going to take care of unpacking and cooking, and even though Martin knows Jon to be stupidly stubborn, he’s surprised by the strictness with which Jon insists he sit back and relax. Martin doesn’t really complain; he’s spent his entire life caring for others and, to be honest, it does feel rather good to be on the receiving end for once. He watches Jon from the couch for a while, before he takes out his notebook and looks over the poem he wrote in the car.

Wisps of mist conceal my eyes

A lone indulgence to lose one's face

And soothing a part inside that cries

With chilling sadness and numbing grace

The steadfast rhythm of waves ashore

As ocean breeze leaves a taste of salt

The words forgotten, erase what I swore

Until I hear your voice once more

I wondered many times what it might be

That we finally took to calling "us"

What would be left if we broke free

Of dread and horror's eternal grasp

The Eye looms aloft, ever-present dread

Watching all, eternal lids apart

You made your choice unaware you were led

By strings of web, against your heart

Jon starts humming under his nose in the kitchen as he cuts something on the board; the water in the kettle boils slowly and fills the air with a quiet whistle. Martin smiles while shooting a subtle glance at Jon; he seems to notice his gaze and falls quiet, but a smile lights up his face when he sees the fondness on Martin’s face. For all this talk about Jon “losing himself” in the role of the Archivist, this seems as human as you can get. Martin never favoured the approach the other archival staff took to the knowledge of the significance of Jon’s position, and he often wondered how they could look at him and see a monster. Of course he made bad decisions, but so did everyone. They’ve seen or read about so many avatars giving into the powers that fed them and yes, maybe Martin is biased, but Jon was nothing like them. They’ve all been caught in this huge web of statements that turned real; the more they struggled to break free the more tangled up they became, and it wasn’t Jon’s fault that he ended up in the centre of it. He knows Jon tried to make right choices every step of the way. Can you really blame a human being for failing to completely resist something that’s beyond mortality and human reality? One way or another they ended up here, together, and yes, maybe the Eye and the Lonely are still looming as very tangible threats, and Jonah Magnus is nowhere near being stopped, but at least they’re together now. Martin remembers thinking the Unknowing was the endgame, the last chapter of this horror for them, and he remembers the hopelessness of their story getting a bad ending that essentially pushed him into the Lonely; now he feels a different kind of an end approaching – he dares to be hopeful. Maybe everything works out in the end? Maybe, if they were safe and happy, it wouldn’t actually be the end of the world.

Martin looks down at his notebook and starts writing, sticking the tip of his tongue out in concentration.

What is a monster? Where is the line

That would separate us from the world

All I know is our paths align

And we together can battle the cold

You cut through the curtains of mist and See

The green glow fades when our eyes meet

My lips form a soft and quiet plea

To be loved has never felt so sweet

To be loved is a new feeling for me

I only know how to love from one side

But with you I hope we can once be free

Maybe ignore the whims of the tide

Although I know we're not nearly through

I taste and savour your voice, your breath

If only for a moment, we can start anew

And I will follow you even to death

As he stares at the last word of the finished poem, his hand with the pen hovering over it, he registers that his eyes have watered a bit. He blinks the tears away quickly as Jon sits down on the couch next to him, looking at him with a gentle worry. Martin looks up at the two mugs of tea he’d placed on the table.

“Did you make tea?” He asks with mock bewilderment, and Jon scoffs at him.

“I know how to make tea, Martin.” He nudges him with amusement, that gentle worry not quite gone from his eyes. “What are you writing about?”

Martin falls quiet, pressing the notebook to his chest in a knee-jerk reaction.

“Thought you didn’t like poetry,” he huffs out a laugh that’s only a little bit self-conscious. Jon shrugs, reaching out for his mug and taking a sip.

“I don’t understand it. And yes, I have been known to dislike it at times, but… Maybe I could be swayed to give it another shot.” Jon rolls his eyes fondly and looks at Martin out of the corner of his eye, a look that says ‘for you’. Martin grins, heat pricking at his cheeks once again.

“You see, i-it’s all about emotion.” He places the notebook gently on his lap face down and reaches for his own mug. “You w-want to put all of your emotions into words in a-an artistic way, that has a rhythm and, uh, and feels alive. And you want your, uh, your readers to feel that, that emotion through your words.”

Jon listens attentively and his eyes aren’t leaving Martin’s face; at one point Martin gets distracted by it and forgets where his explanation was going. Jon’s gaze has always been intense, in different ways throughout the time they’ve known each other. At first it was judgemental, the gaze of his boss, full of unmet expectations; then it was piercing, watchful and suspicious; as time passed, it seemed to gain more and more weight of the Beholding, something Tim always complained about. After Martin had joined Peter Lukas, the rare glances he got from Jon were full of yearning that Martin didn’t understand at the time; didn’t want to understand. Now, it’s that gentle fondness, interweaved with something intangibly sad and Martin feels an urge to hug him, to bring him close to his chest and never let go; to bury his face in Jon’s hair and protect him.

They move to place their mugs at the table at the same time and snort, amusement quickly turning into a fit of laughter. Jon throws his head back a little with it and Martin wonders if he has ever seen him laugh so openly before. He didn’t think it was possible for him to fall in love with the man even more, but once again, his heart proves him wrong. He stares at him with a lovestruck expression and thinks they should really talk about it. Martin doesn’t know where to start though and Jon seems to be thinking in a similar direction because his expression shifts into gentle seriousness.

“Martin, I…” He starts and bites his lip. “I need to apologize.”

Martin straightens a little; it’s not exactly what he expects.

“I—The way I used to treat you…” Pain and guilt flash through Jon’s face as he looks away for a moment to gather his thoughts. “It was not okay. None of it was okay. And I’m—I’m really sorry for that. It doesn’t—I know it doesn’t change anything that happened, but I” —he sighs. “I really am sorry. I hope I can, somehow, uh… somehow make it up to you.”

Martin reaches for Jon’s hand, and he looks down in surprise; Martin sees his eyes start glistening.

“I’m sorry for everything that happened to you.” He continues in a whisper and his eyes are locked on their touching hands. “I’m so sorry about the Lonely. I’m sorry that you’re trapped in all of this with me, and I would understand if you decided to leave—”

“Jon.” Martin squeezes his hand and Jon’s eyes shoot up to look at him.

“I’m sorry, that’s not an apology,” he sighs again. “I just… I’m sorry, Martin. About everything.” His other hand grips Martin’s. “I’m glad you are still here. I’m—I’m so glad, you d-don’t even know,” he laughs.

“I think I do.” Martin smiles gently. “Thank you for saying that. I’ve—I've forgiven you for a lot of it a long time ago. A-And the rest just isn’t your fault.”

Jon frowns.

“The Lonely was always there,” Martin shrugs. “Peter Lukas was just… a catalyst, I think. But now I have you.” His finger grazes the outside of Jon’s palm and his heart flutters in his chest when he sees that small smile appear on Jon’s face. “And you can’t be blamed for Elia—Jonah’s games. We’re all just… a bunch of people who didn’t know what was going on until it was too late.”

Jon’s eyes fall as he nods slightly.

“He’s still up to something,” he says quietly.

“Figures,” Martin laughs bitterly. “But we’re here now. And frankly, I don’t really want to think about him when we’re finally…” The word ‘together’ gets stuck in his throat, as if it would breach this fine line of ambiguity they’ve drawn between themselves. Jon seems to fill it in and his eyes land back on Martin.

He’s never wanted to kiss him more than he does right now. Jon's eyes are wide and glistening with something that looks suspiciously like hope, and his fingers gently graze the outside of Martin's palm. Warmth spreads in his chest and his eyes flutter a little, not breaking the eye contact. He wants to pull Jon close to his chest, to run his fingers through his hair and feel his breath on his own skin. To really feel like he's there, next to him, with him.

Before he can follow through with any of that, something sizzles in the kitchen, loud in the silence, startling them both.

“Food!” Jon chuckles slightly before he jumps to his feet and rushes to the kitchen, while Martin snorts and follows him. Jon stirs the pan with curry and sighs with relief when he sees it's not burned. He turns down the heat anyway and checks on the rice.

“Jon, this smells amazing,” Martin says, peeking into the pan with cheese and spinach. “I didn't know you could cook.”

“Well, contrary to the popular belief I was a functional human being. For a while,” Jon snorts and leans against the counter to look back at Martin. “It's Palak Paneer, my grandma taught me when I was a child.”

“It looks fantastic,” Martin grins, and Jon rolls his eyes in mock exasperation.

Even though the moment's lost, the remains of the feeling can be felt between them as they prepare the plates and take the food to the table. They easily fall back into usual chatter and, as soon as they’re finished, Martin jumps to wash the dishes. Jon relents after extensive affirmations from Martin that he's alright and he can definitely take care of a couple dishes in the sink, and he drops onto the couch with a content sigh instead.

Martin finishes up with the dishes and dries his hands on a towel.

“Do you want some tea?” He asks and hangs the towel back on the rack. When there's no response, he turns to the couch. “Jon?”

Something sinks in his stomach when he sees that the object that consumes Jon’s attention is the poem he’s finished; he scratches his neck, as his cheeks take on a pink tinge. “Oh…”

He walks up to the couch, unsure, trying to gauge Jon's reaction. His face seems tense, he squeezes the notebook in his hand so hard his knuckles go white, and his eyes are focused at one point on the page.

“Um... Jon?” Martin asks weakly, his heart drumming in his chest so loud he's sure both of them can hear it.

Jon jumps to his feet, startled, and looks up at him with eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights. Martin instinctively raises his hands in a placating gesture, as Jon registers his presence, looks down on the notebook in his hands, and quickly puts it on the table as if it stung him.

“Martin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to look, it was just there and—”

“Hey, Jon, it’s alright!” It’s maybe a little not alright, since the poem is nothing short of a love confession and a wish Martin had no right to assume would ever be true, so Jon reading it is less than ideal. Martin rushes to gently place a hand on Jon’s shoulder but when he recoils from the touch, Martin withdraws his hand, cursing everything about himself.

“No, I, uh…” Jon runs his hand through his hair, eyes darting between Martin, his hand, and the notebook frantically. “I shouldn’t have— uh, it’s—it’s your private business, what you write about, so—”

Martin is sure he’s tomato red on the face by this point and hopes against hope that the afternoon light filtering through the curtains obscures it just a little. Jon, on the other hand, doesn’t have the embarrassed blush that usually darkens his cheeks; instead he breathes fast, his hands shaking ever so slightly. Martin sees him hunch just a little, making himself smaller.

“Um, yeah, I, uh—” He starts fidgeting with his fingers. Did the idea of—of love frighten Jon so much? He was stupid to leave it out in the open and now Jon knows, and it’s not how he feels, so he hates him… “I’m sorry.”

Jon’s eyes snap to him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“For what?”

Martin huffs out something like a pained laugh.

“Th-That’s not exactly how- how I wanted to tell you.” He wrings out his hands and shoots Jon a pleading look. What’s done is done and the only thing he can hope for is for Jon to let him down easy and never speak of this again.

“Tell me?” Jon looks down at the notebook again and there’s the worry again, stark on his face. He breathes out, slowly, and looks at the floor. “I don’t—I don’t even want to think this is a possibility…”

Martin doesn’t need to imagine what it would be like to be stabbed, if he wanted to - he’s pretty sure the acute pain of his heart shattering in his chest is close enough. His mind tries to catch up to the emotions, slow them down just a bit, because something seems off, and isn’t this a weird way to reject someone you must have known had a crush on you? But his throat tightens with the swell of pain and shame and Martin blinks away the tears welling up in his eyes.

Jon sighs and plops down on the couch, hiding his face in his hands and pushing his glasses up to his forehead.

“We d-don’t have to talk about it, if—if you don’t want to,” Martin says quietly. He sits down next to Jon, careful not to touch him in any way, and puts his hands between his knees.

Jon lets out a bitter laugh.

“Isn’t that what they—the Web would want? Just… mindlessly follow, go with the flow until something… irreversibly bad happens?”

Martin turns to Jon with a frown.

“Wh—What?”

Jon looks at him with something glistening in his eyes and Martin can see the lines of pain and misery written on his face like they belong there.

“The web,” he says faintly. “Strings of fate. I—” He lets out a breath. “Was I just being manipulated this whole time? Was I ever really—Did I ever have a choice?”

“Jon... what are you talking about?”

“You—You said I was...” He reaches for the notebook and points at a verse with his finger. “’Made your choice unaware you were led by strings of web against your heart.’ How—W-Why did you say this?”

Martin stares into Jon's green eyes with concern, yet parts of his heart start to weave themselves back together. However confused and worried Jon seems to be, none of it is directed at Martin; he looks at him with desperation, almost pleading, and he realizes they’ve been having two different conversations at the same time.

“Oh-Oh, God, Jon, I-I didn't mean—I just, it's a-a metaphor, just that, you know,” he takes a breath. “It does remind me of a web, the-the way we got caught up in Elias' plans.” He looks down, his cheeks burning as he remembers why Jon would get caught at this specific phrase. “I'm sorry for, uh, using that, it was just the first thing that came to my mind and—”

Jon exhales next to him and Martin risks a look up. The uneasiness isn't gone from his face but he relaxes just a little bit, enough to stabilize his breathing.

“I'm sorry for this… this whole thing, Martin.” He gestures at nothing in particular and it's his turn to look at the floor, as if it's all of a sudden the most interesting thing he's ever seen. He starts fidgeting with the notebook. “I'm just—What if it’s true?” His voice goes higher at the question and he closes his eyes. Martin squeezes his arm. “What if I am just... Just a puppet? An inhuman, helpless puppet in the hands of—Of some spider pulling the strings?”

A tear rolls down Jon's cheek and Martin grabs one of his hands. It’s small and still shakes a little; he tries to put all the protectiveness he feels into this small gesture. Jon doesn’t recoil this time, instead taking a moment to watch Martin’s hand clasp around his.

“Jon,” Martin starts softly. “You're still you. You're not some—Some spider puppet that can't make choices.”

“But what if—”

“You've made a choice to go into the Lonely for me.” Martin bumps their knees together lightly and Jon looks up at him. “I don't suspect any webs would need me alive to push you into it. It was You.”

Jon looks him in the eyes and Martin barely stops himself from reaching up to his face to wipe away his tears.

“Or it just makes us think that we have a choice but are ultimately helpless against fate and everything we do is determined by intricately crafted circumstances,” Jon whispers. “Maybe free will is a lie.”

Martin blinks.

“Jon...”

“Maybe I was never able to stop it. Any of it.” Jon’s voice grows more horrified and even though his eyes are directed at Martin's face, he seems to be looking somewhere past him. “Maybe nothing we try to do really matters.”

“Jon.” Martin’s voice gains a bit of force, even though he feels all but sure. “What do you see?”

Jon frowns. “What?”

“Look at me and tell me what you see?” The force is gone; the sentence sounds more like a feeble suggestion than a request, but Jon's eyes refocus on Martin's in a frown of confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“We're here now,” Martin says quietly. “And yeah, maybe our decisions are all predetermined or whatever. I still think it matters that we try. I think our experience matters. And you're not a-a monster without free will, Jon. You care about people, and you’ve sacrificed a lot for other people. You've made your own choices and, no matter if they were good or bad, they were still yours. And I think that matters.”

Jon blinks at him for a moment, then his shoulders slump with a sigh and he interlaces their fingers. Martin doesn’t miss it and he feels warmth in his chest.

“I've always been afraid of—of my will not being my own anymore,” he confesses quietly. “Of, uh... of not knowing the difference.”

“I get it,” Martin nods. “If it’s any consolation, I see a lot of Jon in you still.” Jon looks up at him with surprise and Martin gives him a half smile. “I see a very changed Jon but it's still Jon.” He strokes Jon's palm as his heart picks up the pace. “The same Jon I've first fallen in love with.”

Jon exhales softly, his face caught in a soft surprise, and Martin smiles around the dull ache in his chest.

“You don't have to say anything. I'm sure you've known for a while, but I just... I wanted to say it.”

With every second that passes in silence, however, Martin's cheeks grow hotter, and he concludes that this might have been a mistake.

“I-I'm sorry. M-Maybe I shouldn't have said that, I… I don't want things to get weird or anything, so, uh, we can, we can just forget—”

“Martin.” Jon says his name in a soft and kind of inquisitive way that makes his heart bounce around and transforms the ache in his chest into swirling butterflies again. Martin looks up and Jon’s head is tilted to the side, his face still wet with tears, but he notices something hopeful glitter in his eyes. “I love you too.”

Martin frowns, suddenly wondering if he isn't dreaming. Is Jon really saying what he thinks he is? Did he hear correctly? Maybe he misheard—

“I have for a while,” Jon's voice is still quiet and soft. “I didn't want to say anything because I thought it was too early after the Lonely and you might not feel this way anymore, but...”

Martin swallows, acutely aware of how loud his heartbeat is. He squeezes Jon’s hand and smiles slightly.

“I... I didn't know,” he whispers, not trusting his voice to cooperate.

“As soon as I woke up from the coma, I wanted to tell you,” Jon says. “I thought I was too late; that it took me too long to stop denying the feelings I had because I didn’t know how to deal with them, and I'd missed my chance.” He laughs bitterly.

“So that’s what it was about,” Martin whispers, as Jon's actions towards him throughout his time as Peter Lukas’ assistant start falling into place. Jon looks at him with a frown, so he adds, “The ‘let's gouge out our eyes and escape'.”

Jon scrunches up his nose and clears his throat.

“Yes, well. Yeah.”

Martin chuckles quietly.

“I don't think I would have lasted in the Lonely if I understood then. But then again. It didn't really matter in the end. It didn't help.”

“But it was your choice,” Jon echoes Martin's words from before and their eyes meet again.

“Yeah. It was my choice.”

They stare into each other's eyes for a moment, losing track of time, before Jon smiles slightly and looks back at the notebook.

“I really am sorry for not asking your permission, though,” he says. “I got so caught up in the metaphor I didn’t even finish it.”

Martin blinks, the warmth from his chest spreading to his cheeks again.

“D-Do you want to?”

Jon smiles softly, this new smile that Martin has only seen in the past couple of days, always directed at him.

“If you’d let me.”

Martin needs to look away, unable to handle the affection in Jon’s eyes. He mumbles an ‘okay’ with a smile that’s not entirely under his control and gets up.

“But I am making that tea whether you want it or not, waiting for someone to finish reading something is a torture.”

He hears Jon laugh as he heads back to the kitchen.

When he comes back with two steaming mugs, Jon is waiting for him with a smile and his nervousness dissipates with his next words.

“I like it,” Jon says. “Apart from the, uh, web metaphor, obviously. It's hopeful.”

“Y-You do?”

Martin swallows; the pleasant tingling in his stomach is back. He places their mugs on the table and reaches out to join their hands again. Jon intertwines their fingers immediately and caresses the outside of Martin’s palm with his thumb.

Jon looks down at the verses again and smiles softly, almost sheepishly, a familiar blush darkening his cheeks.

“I—I don't know if there would be anything for us outside of. You know. The fears and all that,” he grimaces. “At least, for me. But, uh…” He looks at Martin again with a hopeful expression that makes Martin melt a little, and he gently caresses Martin's cheek with his free hand. “I really like the thought of it.”

Martin's brain might be short-circuiting at this moment and all of his thoughts take form of fuzzy static.

“Me too,” he says, suddenly breathless. Jon's hand rests cupping his cheek and, are they a bit closer than they were a second ago? Jon's gaze slides down Martin's face to his lips and he feels he might faint right there and then. He doesn't, instead gathering up his courage to take a breath.

“Can I kiss you?” Jon asks first and Martin feels his lips form a grin.

“Please,” he breathes out; the next second their lips meet, soft but urgent, desperate and sick of waiting. Martin's hand dives into Jon's soft hair, fingers scraping the delicate skin of his head and earning him a low sound from Jon's throat. They pull each other closer and find a rhythm to lose themselves in for just a moment; the sensation of Jon's tongue swirling in his mouth, of his slender fingers on his cheek and his neck, the pressure of his body against his chest; all of it making Martin dizzy with happiness.

Martin pulls away when his lungs painfully remind him breathing is still a necessity and he opens his eyes to look at Jon – His soft lips, his nose, his pockmark scars, and his eyes, green yet with no trace of Beholding in them. He takes him in whole, with all of his flaws and all of his virtues, and he feels seen in return, seen by the man he loves and who loves him. The weight of it all hits Martin like a crashing wave and he pulls Jon in for a tight embrace.

“I love you,” he whispers against his shoulder, and he feels Jon's arms tightening around his torso.

“I love you too, Martin.”

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fic #summer in the archives event #niki.writes #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin

[erricdraven]

i'm really intrigued by your s6 spuffy thoughts can you talk more about what you mentioned in your tags???

lol yeah i really lost my entire mind in the tags oops

but sure, i'm happy to talk more about it. it's the one hang up i have about the show that i still have yet to make peace with and honestly don't think i ever will. i really respect now as i've gotten older how characters challenge us to think from new perspectives, and buffy has always been a character that challenges me in a few specific areas. when it comes to buffy and spike, i'm immediately predisposed to empathize with spike when i comes to the way he's treated regarding his feelings because i'm very much a heart-on-my-sleeve, all in person with love myself, and so it's a really hard thing for me to consume something so personally difficult in media i enjoy. i also feel like i need to preface this by saying that at the root of all my thoughts about what their s6 arc is, i believe they are both in the wrong in certain aspects. i'm not saying that spike has done nothing wrong and buffy is the one making all the bad choices and saying all the bad things.

so, with all that said--

the best way i can think to pinpoint why i'm really bothered by buffy's part in their issues can be summed up in the scene in entropy (?) where buffy accuses spike of spying on her on the grounds that she believes that's well within his character to violate her privacy and life like that, and with all the things she lists that he does (lie, cheat, steal, manipulate), he says "i don't hurt you." that interaction really highlights how the power dynamic is really fucked up and skewed for buffy to use to take advantage of. she knows that spike loves her (and though she's really resistant to acknowledging he really does love her, she believes that he believes that he loves her) and has repeatedly acknowledged outright and acted on the fact that he wants to spare her pain in any way that he can. he wants to protect her from getting hurt and if he can't, he wants to comfort her and try to make it better. granted, sometimes his solutions aren't conducive for her, but the intention (which is really important!!) is always to help her and support her.

with this in mind, i think that is why i have such a hard time with s6 buffy. i've yet to get to a point where i can feel comfortable watching her relationship with spike in this season because of how tremendously cruel she is. i understand that she's in serious pain and she feels horrified at herself for wanting to engage in this dark twisted thing with him, but at its heart, i feel like the thing that makes it dark and twisted, given that she knows that he loves her and that sex with him means something, is that she has backed him into a corner by setting a boundary of "i can only accept this so long as it hurts us". as soon as she starts facing her feelings, she can't bear to let him in anymore. we see at the start of s6 that the dynamic between them is something very sweet and gentle and kind. spike is careful and kind and supportive of her as she tries to feel out how to live in the world again. he's understanding of her circumstances (empathizing with the pain and trauma of having to claw your way out of your grave), he kept his promise to care for dawn without any thought of reward (and continues to from then on out), she admits that when she wants to be alone, she still feels most at peace when she's alone with him, and she seeks his input and advice on how to try to figure out the things that she feels like she's way over her head about ("so what do you know about finances?").

people are fallible and characters aren't meant to be perfect, and i believe that's really how writing should be, but this is something i feel like is much more complex than just a flawed character in the throes of an extended major depressive episode. we don't really see any genuine remorse from her directed at spike for how she has treated him even when she admits her disgust with herself for how she was taking advantage of him. when we see buffy fall apart to tara in devastation at the person she's become, i feel like what we're seeing is just an overwhelming amount of self-hatred at what she sees when she looks at herself. it feels like very...self-focused shame, like people who are disgusted at the realization that someone sees and classifies them as a bad person. we recoil from that moniker because we know it's wrong, and that's what we see in buffy. she hates that she's "a bad person", but what feels really lacking for me is the self-awareness to then turn that self-focused shame into a more... i don't know, i hate to call it this, but altruistic shame at the way she has been hurting spike purposefully. taking responsibility for her cruelty i feel like should have looked like her bearing the burden of her shame about her actions, accepting the discomfort of having to humble herself and hold it and say 'yeah, this is mine.' all throughout s6 in particular, spike is consistently the bad guy in every equation when it comes to his relationship with buffy, and that has always felt wrong to me, like a huge disservice to the story and his character. is he a bad guy broadly speaking? yeah, he's more villain than hero for sure. but is he the bad guy in their relationship? i'd argue no, he's not, and we never really get catharsis for that!!

especially with spike having his soul in s7, the tumultuous and abusive dynamic of their relationship in the previous season is treated as something they can just look back at and say "oh well we can move on now and be good and okay because we're never going back there again" even though buffy never apologizes to him for what she did to him and acknowledges it was wrong by taking that responsibility. it's always framed as buffy's stance being "sex is bad and dirty, and engaging in "dark" sex with you was bad so we'll never do it again." i tried to hunt it down and couldn't find it, but @chasingfictions made an amazing post that really struck me, talking about how, while the idea of the soul being a determination of good and a lack of soul being a determination of evil is a bit too simplistic and unsatisfying in the debate of good vs evil, spike's pursuit of a soul and actually getting it all on his own so that he could be a better man to the woman he loves and the world she risks her life every day to protect is so powerful and beautiful. the fact that in the show's canon, no one that becomes soulless has ever sought out getting their soul back, and no only does he get it back, he wins it back!! he fought to have it as a step towards being better, and that intention of choosing to be better means so fucking much! and he made that choice to take an action of good without the soul in question, after having, on many occasions, acted contrary to his nature to be better.

the writing leads us to a point where we support spike's pursuit of redemption and are moved by it, but to me, i think buffy should have been driven to seek her own redemption too. without it, i personally feel a very pervasive sense that catharsis for everything they went through in s6 was never really achieved.

in conclusion (lmao)... everyone interprets text/subtext differently, and that's absolutely okay, so i'm not saying that this is the only right interpretation of things! but for me, after spending a really long time trying to reconcile this discomfort i feel with buffy's character and not being able to get there, this is where i've landed.

#whooooooooooooo this got extremely long winded i'm sorry i just have a lot of thoughts and i try not to share them and start shit lol #buffy the vampire slayer #spike #buffy summers #ramble #ask #anon #otp: he is in my heart

[inawickedlittletown]

Survivors - Buddie meta

Words: 3,112

I thought a lot about 4x14 since watching it on Monday and mostly buddie, and on my re-watch I had a lot of thoughts and since I can’t seem to help myself here we are again. And fair warning, this is very long. 

I think it’s fair to say that Buck is someone that cares a lot. I think it’s fair to say that his reaction to Eddie being shot would be the same if anyone else in the 118 was shot. That said, yes, the way that Buck freezes and the shock that sets in with him is jarring for a character that is always about the action and always about doing something. But then, he does finally get his bearings after being knocked down to safety and after holding eye contact with Eddie as Eddie is bleeding out on the ground, and Buck is the only one present on the scene to get to Eddie. Buck is the only one trying to get to the injured person despite the fact that there are plenty of other first responders around. 

This moment is a lot, and I think it does so much to reiterate and highlight the importance of Eddie in Buck’s life and the love that is felt between them. Up to this point, we cannot call that romantic love — or at least, acknowledged romantic love — but Buck does love Eddie. And vice versa. 

We see Eddie’s love shine through in the moments while they’re heading to the hospital and Eddie comes to and his concern isn’t for himself, but Buck. Eddie has been shot, and he’s well aware of that, and yet it is Buck who he worries about. He has to be sure that Buck is alright. And, well, Buck isn’t. He might be physically alright, but when he’s asked if he’s okay as Eddie is being taken into the hospital, he just says “no” and that is very clear to the audience in that moment and for the rest of the episode. 

The next time that we see Buck, he is still a mess and he’s stepping out of the hospital. He is literally shaking and he is so out of it and in a state of shock that he’s ignored phone calls not just from Taylor, but from Maddie, and likely anyone else that tried to contact him. I don’t want to spend too much time on Taylor here, but I do want to point out that Buck is at first suspicious of why she is present and barely acknowledges that she was worried about him and he also just doesn’t want to allow her to help him. 

Buck’s entire mind is on Eddie and on Chris and we’re aware from Chim’s call with Maddie that the rest of the team are at the hospital as well, and that enough time has passed that it’s likely Eddie’s grandmother and aunt would have heard about what happened, that Carla would have heard, and yet Buck feels like he’s the one of that needs to talk to Chris and no one refutes that. When Albert asks where Buck is later, Chim even says: “he’s got a harder job tonight” because they all know that it is absolutely Buck’s place to be the one to speak to Christopher.  

From the moment that Buck was aware of Christopher’s existence, he’s been involved. Christopher bonded Buck and Eddie in a way perhaps because of how much Buck loves kids, but certainly because Buck admired Eddie as a parent and Eddie’s devotion to being a dad. I think Buck similarly endeared himself to Eddie by making it possible for Eddie to get the help that he needed — namely Carla. But over the past few seasons we’ve seen the Buck and Chris relationship grow. Buck has been acting like another parent for a while and I think this season really took it over the top ever since Chris ran away from home and went straight to Buck. Making Buck his safe space over anyone else. 

Out of the entire episode, the hardest scene to watch for emotional reasons is Buck explaining to Chris that his father is hurt. Between the way that Chris asks questions to understand what happened, to the way that Buck just can’t keep it together. And then Bobby’s text comes in and Buck really cannot hold it in, to know that actually Eddie will be okay. The rollercoaster of emotions is so well acted, so well written, and there is no way to not feel that pain while watching it. 

This whole scene reads like a parent talking to their child about something difficult. It reads like a parent being aware of their own pain and still facing their kid because that’s important and necessary and as a parent it isn’t something that can be ignored. We can go further and parallel the scene to almost any important and emotional conversation between Eddie and Christopher, but especially what we got when Shannon died.It also frames Buck as family and as important in the lives of both Christopher and Eddie. It is difficult then to think about Buck’s place in all of this as only a best friend. As only a work partner. This is glaringly so when we think about Ana. (Also, we have to remember that Buck during all of this knows nothing about Eddie changing his will).

The episode makes it clear where Ana is this entire time because the few times we see her, she’s at the hospital with Eddie. As his girlfriend it makes sense for her to be there for him and yet that is all we are given when instead it would only make sense to use Eddie’s injury as a way to further and strengthen Ana and Eddie’s relationship. And from the last we saw of Ana, she clearly gets on with Christopher, enough that it would have made sense for Ana to step up and offer to care for Chris. It isn’t something that happens. But I think that their relationship would have shown as stronger and as more meaningful in the eyes of the viewer if we’d seen more of them together and certainly if we had seen Ana even just offer to look after Chris. 

Instead, it is Buck that sleeps on Eddie’s couch so he can be there for Christopher even though there are other options such as Carla. It is Buck that picks up the slack of looking after Christopher as worried as Buck is about Eddie and as worried as Buck is about everyone else in light of the firefighters being targets. The way that Buck puts Christopher first is so parental. It is something that Eddie has noticed long before this all the way back in S3 and clearly Buck doesn’t disappoint. And Buck doesn’t do it all alone, because obviously he has work and Carla is around, but he is going out of his way to be there for Christopher. 

The scenes are bittersweet in that there is a slight domestic/parental element to them, but then also the thrumming knowing that this is only happening because Eddie isn’t around. And yet Christopher is adaptable. It gets to the point where he is even joking around and teasing Buck in a very similar way that he does with Eddie. 

I find Buck’s journey through the episode interesting. One of the things about Buck is that he believes he is alone. He knows he has people, but he also realizes that he is alone, and that as much he means something to his team, to his sister, even to his parents, Buck also knows that everyone else has other people. During the sequence in which Bobby explains how things are going to change for them, we see flashes of scenes of the 118 getting ready to go into work with their new bulletproof vests and we see Hen with Karen, we see Chim with Maddie, and we see Bobby with Athena. Buck is on his own. 

Is it because Buck’s partner would naturally be Eddie? Or because Taylor and Buck just aren’t on that level (I mean at this point we’re pre-kiss). Either way, we get Buck on his own all while Bobby voice-overs how difficult this time will be on their family/loved ones who already see the job as risky and now it suddenly comes with possible sniper shots too. So is it a wonder that Buck, who already thinks much less of himself, would want to place more risk on himself than anyone else? Not to mention that there is definitely an element of survivor’s guilt at play. Buck was standing right there on that street with Eddie. Easily, it could have been him that was shot except that dressed as a civilian made him less of a target. 

Bobby tells him that he made himself a target deliberately and Buck has an answer. He can’t handle anyone else being hurt and that shows us the impact that Eddie being hurt has on Buck, the way that emotionally, Buck could not handle much more turmoil. 

About Eddie, Buck says, “I was just the guy standing there when it happened who couldn’t do anything to protect him.” And it is simply amazing how much that statement says about Buck’s state of mind. Add in Oliver Stark’s acting and we get to see so much of Buck’s love for the whole team, for Eddie. This moment comes after Buck’s scene with Carla presumably before he went to work, and in that scene Carla expresses her concern for Buck’s well being, but Buck brushes that off and I think it’s yet another example of Buck’s state of mind in that he doesn’t want to see himself as important, as necessary, as someone that would be missed if they were gone. 

We see Taylor again and I do want to say that I appreciate the role Taylor has played in this episode. Her first appearance has her worried about Buck and caring about that more than possibly getting a scoop for work — yet another instance of showing how much Taylor has changed from S2. Her worry then, and the way that she offers to help Buck continues to translate into her second scene in the episode where she’s also upset at Buck for the crane incident and the danger he placed himself in. I’ve loved the development of Buck and Taylor’s friendship as well as the many moments that we’ve gotten that show Taylor as a different person. The last few episodes have slowly hinted at them as a couple and I cannot be mad at how this was developed or how Taylor is very clearly unsure about how things might go. She is caught up in the moment and after she kisses him she even apologizes. 

Buck says they should talk about it, but Taylor decides to leave. Buck actually goes to say “wait” or to stop her and Taylor, as we learn later, expected or hoped for Buck to chase after her, but Eddie has excellent timing and has woken up. And Ana calls Buck at once. 

I’m curious about when Buck got Ana’s number and saved it on his phone. I’m curious about how Ana got Buck’s number. Before this, we haven’t seen them interact at all and unless Eddie being hurt was the first time they even met, who called Ana to tell her about Eddie? 

Either way, Ana calls him and Buck goes to Eddie. It’s a choice that Buck makes and I don’t think Buck even sees it as a choice. And from the way that Taylor mentions Buck not going after her, I just have to wonder about how Buck made it out of his apartment without running into Taylor on the way to his car to get to the hospital. From the way he was running, we know he didn’t wait to get over there. I also do have to wonder about Ana calling Buck and why she felt that he would need to be informed about Eddie being awake at once. Obviously there’s Christopher to consider, but Ana could have also called Carla. This feels like Ana knowing who she needed to defer to. 

Buck arrives and Ana is all smiles, but she steps aside so Buck and Eddie can see each other. (Me with my shipper goggles on: foreshadowing?) And then, the next thing we see if Eddie having a facetime with Christopher through Buck’s phone and Ana isn’t there? Did she step out to give them some time with the kid? Ana’s place in all of this just dwindles and dwindles and I’ll admit I never liked Ana...but that’s mostly because I was never given a reason to like her. Maybe I just feel ambivalent. 

Eddie asks Buck about how Chris is doing and Buck admits that actually between him and Christopher, it is Buck that is having a harder time. He admits that he lost it when he was telling Christopher and Buck is ashamed of it, of not being able to put away his emotions to focus on Chris. Eddie reassures him: “You were there for him when I couldn’t be. That’s what matters.”

Buck responds with: “Still, it might have been better for him if I was the one that got shot.” And that has been Buck’s state of mind this entire episode. That is what he’s been feeling. But no matter how many times Buck has been asked how he’s doing or been shown that others are worried about him, has he brought that up. It is only to Eddie that he can admit it.

The scene ends and Eddie is left thinking. He’s left considering what Buck’s said, but he’s also considering how he views Buck and how to best make Buck believe that actually he’s not expendable. Not to him or to Christopher or even to the rest of the 118. 

We get to the third Buck and Taylor scene and the first thing that is apparent is that Buck has not reached out to Taylor since the kiss. He hasn’t chased her. In fact, he didn’t expect to see her at his door. And it has been days since. This shows us that Buck while interested in Taylor, isn’t that invested. Taylor on the other hand is. Buck explains himself by saying that he’s done feeling like he isn’t enough and I like that self-confidence and the way that Buck makes it clear that he can’t be the one chasing anyone. 

To bring this back to Buddie, I do wonder if Buck saying this to Taylor isn’t also a statement about where Buck stands in general and how Buck is not going to be the one that pines or that waits for anyone. Not just Taylor, but Eddie. This could be subtle foreshadowing, aided of course by the next Buck and Eddie scene. 

Eddie isn’t someone that talks about how he feels. He isn’t someone that needs to express himself that way and we know this about him which makes this scene all the more poignant. And you can feel how Eddie isn’t too sure of himself when he asks Buck to talk. Not to mention that admitting to going through the trouble of changing his will so that Buck could be Chris’ guardian clearly isn’t something Eddie ever wanted to bring up or mention to Buck seeing as it’s been in his will for about a year. 

Eddie is just displaying such a level of awareness for his understanding of who would be best for Christopher, for the realization that no one else in his life cares for Christopher’s well being like Buck does. And they talk about Eddie’s other family and Eddie says my favorite line of the episode, “No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. That is what I want for him.” Other than “You act like you’re expendable...but you’re wrong.” 

Eddie changed his will, not for Buck, but for Christopher. It is placing all his trust in Buck and making him in many ways the most important person in his life other than his son. But telling Buck is something that Eddie does for Buck. He does it so that Buck knows how highly Eddie views/values him and so that perhaps Buck begins to see himself that way too and so he can value his life if not for himself, but then also because it actually could affect Christopher and Eddie as well. It does make me wonder if during Eddie’s time at the hospital, he heard about Buck and the crane. 

There’s a welcome home party waiting for Eddie at home and Buck is the one to take him to it. The ending sequence is interesting in that everyone is split up by family. Unlike last season where we had everyone together at the end, this time everyone is with their family. In another moment that could have been used to cement Ana and Eddie, it is Buck that picks Eddie up from the hospital and Buck that takes him to the party. For some reason Taylor is there and I feel like that’s more about being able to put her somewhere, but we could have done without her. I wonder if Eddie already knows that Buck and Taylor are a thing by that point. And I wonder what Chris thinks of her. 

All in all, this was a fantastic episode. One of the best of the season and such a strong finale. And I don’t think it gives us any concrete information on if the show is going to actually do Buddie, but it leaves some sprinkling of things that make it a possibility. Most of that is to do with how little development we get out of Ana in any way or form as well as the display of importance that Eddie places on Buck as well as Buck’s emotions when it comes to Eddie being injured. I think we leave the episode on a high note and with a lot of hope that actually maybe something could happen. 

I don’t think I will ever be one of those people that are more than 50% sure it might happen, but this episode does make me question if that percentage shouldn’t be higher. It also cements my other thoughts on Buddie and I will reiterate it again because it’s so important, as it stands we are not in any place to call Buddie queerbaiting. We are, however, possibly in the midst of a slow burn. 

-

Tagging: @vivalabandoms @sevensoulmates @greenasher @whenyougoquiet-ihatemyself @seylaaurora @scifitheatre1995 @yramesoruniverse @laura2594-me @selfiethechaosfan @lilyemrys 

#911 fox #911 meta #buddie #buddie meta #911 on fox #meta #spoilers #911 spoilers #tagged anyone that liked my post last night hope I didn't miss any of you #long post #over 3k long #clearly I can't ever keep anything short #and this wasn't even focused on the whole episode #can you tell I have an english degree?

[anncanta]

Wing to wing

Fandom: Dracula (2020)

Characters: Count Dracula, Agatha Van Helsing

Relationship: Dracula/Agatha Van Helsing

Rating: Mature

Thanks to @khyruma​ – the beta of this work. You are beautiful and I am your fan.

@alma37 @hopipollahorror @ravenathantum @flutteringphalanges

Read on AO3

Or read below

‘Was it necessary to tell them that Mr. Balaur was you?’

Agatha tried unsuccessfully to move and leaned back again on Dracula, to whom she was tied back to back. On the other hand, she thought, okay, he did a stupid thing, but who was making her talk? Why did she claim to be a vampire?

‘What should I say? Balaur is important to all of them. To some, he is a partner, to others – a patron, and they had nothing to accuse him of,’ Dracula responded angrily. ‘I wanted to calm them down. If you didn't meddle with your... lectures on linguistics, we would be free.’

‘You would be free,’ Agatha corrected. She jerked her hand awkwardly and groaned as pain pierced her wrists.

When taken by surprise in cabin number nine, Dracula presented the imaginary ‘killer’ to the frightened captain and passengers, Agatha was dragged to hang without any equivocation. Standing with a noose around her neck on a barrel and fighting weakness and nausea, she tried to appeal to their minds. Alas, in vain. They needed the culprit for the horror they experienced. Agatha was perfect for this.

She looked down at Dracula, as Olgaren and Sokolov were arguing, who was casting meaningful glances at her, and shouted the first thing that came to her mind.

And she made a mistake.

Whatever Agatha wanted to achieve, the word ‘vampire’ did not help her in this, sowing panic and anger among the passengers. She was helplessly watching the dispute, turning into a fight, when suddenly Olgaren, apparently deciding to end everything at once, jumped to the mast to which Agatha was tied, and pushed the barrel.

Peeling off the skin, a rope cut into Agatha's neck. Almost blinded by horror and pain, Agatha felt herself falling down... and landed in a tight embrace.

‘I still think, gentlemen,’ she heard through the noise in her ears, ‘that the situation should not be made... ugly.’ Lifting her eyes and rubbing her neck, Agatha looked at Dracula skeptically. ‘We'd better turn the criminal over to the authorities.’

‘Who are you to tell us what to do?’ Olgaren asked snootily.

Then Dracula said it. That he is Mr. Balaur.

The rest happened so quickly that neither Agatha nor Dracula had time to react. Surprisingly harmoniously for the people who had almost fought a minute earlier, the remnants of the crew and passengers of the Demeter pounced on them and, tying them to each other, dragged them to cabin number nine.

‘How I hate it,’ Agatha said, looking at the wooden ceiling. ‘This fatuous cabin. And you probably provoked them on purpose. Your games again!’ she flared up. ‘If you were so easy to tie, I would have –”

‘What?’ such a frank smile sounded in Dracula's voice that Agatha wanted to elbow him. Alas, she still couldn't even move her hand. ‘Would you tie me up? Immobilize me?’ he paused. ‘And then what, Agatha?’

‘I would kill you,’ Agatha replied casually.

‘Are you so sure?’

‘What else can I do with you?’

‘Judging by how cleverly you handle the knife,’ he grinned, ‘you yourself have a liking to… different games. Those bodily, hot, and passionate.’

In the silence that followed his words, Agatha heard her breathing and the distant rustle of waves coming from the porthole.

‘You think too… highly of yourself,’ she said quietly, looking down at her own bound hands. ‘And besides,’ she turned slightly, speaking louder, ‘you wouldn’t allow me anything like that anyway.’

‘Oh, why?’

‘Because you are arrogant, obsessed with power, and... and why are we talking about this at all?’

The broad back, on which Agatha was leaning, straightened.

‘You are wrong, Agatha,’ ignoring the question, said a low voice near the top of her head, ‘I would gladly put myself into your hands. And take whatever you’d give me.’

Agatha felt her cheeks begin to glow and knew that with the nape of his neck he felt the pulse beating on hers. She took a breath.

‘You have a false opinion of me,’ she said, clearing her throat. ‘I know little about such pleasures. As you can see, I'm not pretty,’ Agatha added sharply. ‘Therefore, no one was particularly eager to…’

‘You are attractive, intelligent, and passionate,’ he smiled again, ‘an enchanting combination. And I don't care about those who were so blind as not to notice it. As for inexperience – it just means that before letting you deal with me, I should... well, let's say, put you in the know. Trust me, it's very fast.’

Saying this, he made a short movement, and the ropes that held them together disappeared. Agatha looked at the scraps on the floor and shook her head. Another performance, as she thought.

‘I don’t want to listen to your obscenities,’ she frowned. ‘Have your respect, Count Dracula. Remember you are talking to a nun.’

‘To the same nun who teased a naked man in the middle of the yard?’ clarified Dracula, getting up. Agatha said nothing. Now they stood looking at each other. ‘Exactly, a nun,’ said Dracula. ‘Aren't you interested in how it all works?’

‘That’s none of your business,’ snapped Agatha. She tried desperately not to look embarrassed, telling herself that he was just palavering to her, trying to fool her, like the passengers and the crew – with rope and captivity. She needs to find out what he really wants.

He looked around.

‘No, we need to get out of here.’

‘So you can possess me?’

‘So you know what you are giving up.’

Dracula went to the porthole and began to examine the lock.

‘To possess…’ he muttered annoyedly. ‘Where do such expressions come from? Were you raised in a monastery? Oh yes,’ turning to Agatha, who grunted, he held out his hand to her. ‘Come here.’

‘I’m not going anywhere with you,’ Agatha said. ‘You are ill-mannered and socially dangerous.’

‘Well, you were definitely taught by a German governess with a three-foot ruler,’ Dracula sighed and went up to her. ‘Do you want guarantees?’

‘What guarantees?’ Agatha was surprised.

‘What do you suggest,’ Dracula threw up his hands. ‘How should I behave so that you condescend to my company?’

‘Stop drinking blood,’ Agatha said uncertainly. ‘Do not attack people –’

‘Die,’ continued Dracula happily.

‘Listen!..’

‘Quiet,’ he raised his hand and walked to the door. He stood for a while, listening, then returned to Agatha. ‘Here's what we’ll do,’ he said. ‘I'll taste animal blood. Let's say dogs or pigs. This will at least prevent me from starving to death. I’ll still need human blood, Agatha,’ seeing her eyes flashing, Dracula immediately said. ‘Blood is lives. Not just food, but stories. But I'm sure that I can think of something here too,’ he added. ‘And now – we are leaving.’

He went back to the porthole, tore off the iron lock with one hand, then grabbed the frame and tore it out by the roots. Agatha, amazed, watching his actions, approached and carefully touched the edges of the splintered boards sticking out in the place of the window.

‘Why did you do it?’ she asked. ‘You can turn into bats.’

‘For you,’ Dracula said shortly and pushed her towards the aperture. ‘Hurry.’

Taking a deep breath, Agatha climbed out the window.

***

‘They'll think they were right about us,’ Agatha said, leaning the back of her head against the side of the carriage.

‘Because the guilty are running?’

Agatha nodded.

Dracula shrugged.

‘The main thing is that there should be no chase. But I think they were happy to get rid of us.’

‘Oh yes,’ she smiled involuntarily. She closed her eyes. ‘I feel so dizzy... And the road is so... bumpy.’

‘Lie down.’ Looking at Dracula, Agatha saw him pointing to his lap. ‘There is nothing more I can do for you,’ he said in response to her indignant look.

‘I did not ask…’

‘We have a few more hours to go,’ Dracula interrupted her. ‘You will vomit. I have nothing against natural fluids,’ he said, ‘if you remember. But I don’t think you will enjoy traveling in a carriage full of…’

‘I get it,’ Agatha said wearily. ‘Thank you,’ she added very quietly, her head resting on his firm knees covered with a woolen cloak.

‘You are welcome!’ smiled Dracula, running his fingers through her hair.

Agatha quickly fell asleep from rhythmic swaying, fatigue, and weakness.

***

Agatha woke up feeling herself being carried somewhere. Opening her eyes, she breathed in the scent of fine wool mixed with the smell of the road, and at once, remembered everything.

‘We're almost there,’ Dracula's deep voice resonated in her chest and echoed throughout her body.

‘Put me down, I'll go myself,’ Agatha said in a voice hoarse from sleep.

‘Not worth it,’ Dracula turned, took a few more steps. The sound of the door being unlocked was heard, and, raising her head, Agatha saw that they had come into the bedroom.

‘Bed,’ Agatha moaned with relief.

‘And clean linen, and a bath, and breakfast,’ Dracula laughed cheerfully. ‘People need so much.’

‘You need that too,’ Agatha said, wrinkling her nose. ‘By the way, what about your… food…’ she began as Dracula threw back the covers and put her on the bed.

Dracula straightened, smiling, as she pulled the covers up to her chin.

‘Don't worry, Agatha,’ he said. ‘I will not stay hungry. Not far from here there is a barnyard with pigs in it. Not the most sumptuous breakfast, but…’

‘But better than killing innocents,’ Agatha yawned. Her eyes began to droop again.

‘If I start killing the guilty, I’ll get fat,’ Dracula chuckled. ‘I’ll leave you, dear. If you need anything, call the maid – her room is nearby.’

‘But what about your desire to show me... what is there... what I have lost...’ Agatha muttered sleepily, ‘when I left for the monastery?’

‘Not today,’ she opened her eyes when he was again very close. ‘Get some rest. We will talk about your lapses in life and your innocence later,’ Dracula finished in a very intimate whisper and left the room.

Agatha looked after him thoughtfully, turned over on her side, and fell asleep.

***

The next day, waking up fresh and rested, Agatha found at her disposal a wardrobe full of clothes, a helpful and efficient maid, and an excellent breakfast. Having dealt with the latter, she washed off the road dirt, and, asking the maid where she could find the Count, Agatha went down to the first floor.

The house was large, obviously old, and the previous owners seemed to have left it quite recently. Looking out of the living room window, Agatha saw the garden and the outbuildings peeping around the corner. Noticing the figure of Dracula passing next to one of them, she headed there.

Going around the perimeter of the house and heading into the backyard, Agatha passed the small stable and moved towards the barn – voices came from it.

‘...an exceptional sample. Landrace*,’ Agatha heard, pushing the door open. Stepping inside, she stopped at the threshold.

Dracula stood in the middle of the barn, dressed in a white shirt, exquisite vest, and trousers. In his hands was a large pink pig.

‘I can guarantee the quality,’ said a short man, standing with his back to Agatha, who looked like a merchant. ‘You can be certain of it.’

‘Fine,’ Dracula said, lowering the pig to the floor. It crawled into a corner and, it seemed, lay there on a heap of rags. ‘Excellent breed, I'm happy with everything. Get me four of them by the end of the week.’

‘As you command, sir,’ the merchant replied. ‘Noble pigs,’ he added proudly, looking back at the corner where the animal lay, grunting. ‘Rest assured. Everything will be at its best on Friday,’ he hurried, catching Dracula's impatient gaze. He repeated: ‘The pigs are excellent. If you want, maybe a litter.’

‘I don’t need the litter,’ the Count responded coldly. ‘On Friday you will bring the pigs, then you will receive the money. I am not delaying you any longer.’

The merchant nodded respectfully, bowed, confusedly said goodbye to Dracula, and, without looking at Agatha, left.

‘What is it?’ When the door slammed shut behind the merchant, Agatha asked, after a short pause.

‘Breakfast,’ Dracula shrugged. They turned and looked at the pig for a while in silence. The animal seemed absolutely content with life. ‘They surprised me, you know,’ he said.

‘Tasty?’ Agatha asked carefully.

‘Smart,’ Dracula threw up his hands.

‘Wow,’ turning around, Agatha moved to the exit. ‘Well,’ she said, breathing in the fresh morning air, ‘one less problem. Agree – ’

‘How are you feeling?’ he was next to her so quickly that Agatha almost recoiled. Straightening her back and not wanting to show that she was scared, she ceremoniously replied:

‘Good, thank you.’

Dracula smiled.

‘Shall we take a walk?’

Agatha frowned. After a moment's hesitation, she accepted the hand extended to her.

They walked towards the garden.

While they wandered among the yew hedges and fruit trees, Agatha learned from Dracula that the house he had brought her to was not the one that Harker's firm had bought for him. Not wanting to shake for another hour in a fiacre through London, Dracula asked the coachman where a decent housing could be rented nearby and found out that the Duke of Wilmore's mansion in the West End was vacant. The owners left there just the other day and put the house up for sale.

‘Do you like it here better?’ Agatha asked with interest. ‘You only know Carfax from stories, though,’ she recalled.

‘I like it here,’ Dracula said slowly. ‘What about you?’

‘I... well, I…’ Agatha stopped. Suddenly, she realized that she was not at all thinking about herself, about where she was – and about the future. Rather, from the moment she offered Dracula to eat her instead of Mina in the monastery, Agatha was sure that she had no future. Now, when it turned out that Dracula intended to eat Landraces, his question puzzled her.

What is she going to do next? What status is she in here? And how is she going to deal with all this?

She looked at Dracula. He was joking, wasn't he – when he said that he was taking her with him in order to...

‘Do you have friends in London?’ her thoughts were interrupted by Dracula.

Agatha shook her head.

‘Nobody.’

They walked a few more alleys and turned towards the path that led to the main entrance of the house.

‘You could be my attorney,’ Dracula said after a few minutes of silence. ‘After Jonathan’s death, I don’t want to deal with his law firm again,’ he explained in response to her surprised look. ‘And you are smart, educated, and will do an excellent job with this.’

‘I'm not a lawyer,’ Agatha said. ‘If you need…’

‘I need a person who can manage my affairs,’ Dracula did not let her finish. ‘This does not require a lawyer's license. And I will pay you handsomely.’

Agatha stopped and turned to face him.

‘Are you trying to buy me, Count Dracula?’

‘I'm trying to give you what you deserve.’ He looked like he was holding back a laugh. You don't have to agree. But I think it's better –’

‘What about your plans?’ burst out from Agatha.

Dracula stared at her in silence.

‘You said you'd be glad to put yourself in my hands,’ she said smoothly. ‘Have you forgotten?’

The pause did not last long.

‘No, I haven't forgotten.’ Dracula tilted his head and moved closer to her. ‘But I also remember that we figured out that before that happens, you need…’ he smiled briefly ‘some overview lessons. I do not want to suffer from clumsy hands.’

It's all nerves, travel and blood loss, Agatha thought indifferently. Otherwise, it would never have occurred to her to answer:

‘I am at your service, Count Dracula.’

Dracula's eyes sparkled. For a moment he looked at her – her hair loose over her shoulders, a simple brown-gray dress. He smiled anticipatingly.

‘I will come to you tonight. Don't lock yourself up.’

They walked the rest of the way home in complete silence. Once inside, Dracula moved down the corridor towards the living room.

‘Still, think about being an attorney,’ he said, hiding behind the door.

***

He came after midnight, when Agatha, who had been wandering around the house and the garden all day, had already changed her clothes for bed and even thought that in the end, she would just sleep. He opened the door and entered without bothering with questions and permissions. This is his home, Agatha reminded herself, as she watched Dracula approaching her.

There was no need to talk. She did not even want to be ironic and did not want to argue. With amazing clarity, Agatha suddenly realized that the fact that he was here was not only – and not so much – his decision, and this is obvious. It was always obvious.

Dracula raised his hand and carefully touched her shoulder.

It reminded her so sharply of what was in the monastery that she recoiled.

‘Agatha?’

When she came to, she realized that she was sitting on the bed, silently looking at Dracula and as if she was numb.

‘Agatha, if it's that scary…’ Dracula began.

‘No. No... it's okay,’ Agatha said slowly.

Dracula looked at her hand, with which she unconsciously grabbed her left shoulder, and understood everything.

He sat down beside her and leaned over to her.

‘Give it here.’

Obediently opening her fingers, Agatha exposed her shoulder. The scar was not the same as Jonathan's – not a laceration, a thin cut. Dracula leaned forward, touched it with his lips, gently sucked in her heated skin, and let go.

‘That's better?’

‘I think so,’ Agatha whispered, feeling the tips of her fingers begin to tingle.

She let him lay her back into bed and unbutton her nightgown to her waist. Seeing him lower his head to touch her breast, Agatha closed her eyes. The needles in her fingertips turned into flames and slowly crawled up her arms.

When he pulled away from her, she opened her eyes.

‘Agatha, how could you consider yourself unwanted?’ Dracula asked in a hoarse voice. ‘My blood boils for you.’

Agatha smiled, embarrassed.

‘Just don’t burn me,’ she said softly.

‘No way,’ Dracula whispered, burying his face in her neck, starting to caress her again.

He was impatient and unhurried at the same time, and Agatha did not understand how this was possible. He touched her as if he knew exactly where and how she wanted, forcing her to moan, bend, sob and beg.

And then it was tender. Deep. It hurt a lot, but when he stopped to let her catch her breath, Agatha shook her head in protest. With her arms and legs wrapped around him, she did something she had never done before – let go of control entirely.

The pleasure wiped away the remnants of pain, scattered doubts, it appeared as crystals of salt on her skin. She seemed to be whispering his name. Or maybe she just swore from the heart – also for the first time in many years.

Very slowly, Dracula slid off of her and pulled Agatha after him, not releasing her from his embrace.

‘My name is Vlad,’ he muttered somewhere in her hair; the low voice mixed with laughter and happy weariness. ‘I wanted you to know – just in case.’

Unable to move, Agatha only groaned something unintelligible and made herself comfortable, letting languor and drowsiness take possession of her.

Tomorrow. All the rest is tomorrow.

***

Opening her eyes, Agatha saw that outside the window was a cloudy misty morning, and she was alone in bed. Getting up and throwing on the lace peignoir that lay in the chair, she went to the window and flung open the high sashes.

It smelled of moist spring air and the feeling of close summer. Agatha sneezed and looked down.

In the courtyard in front of the house, Dracula stood and, apparently, was arguing with a tall, large man. In one hand the man had a big knife, in the other – known to Agatha – yesterday's Landrace. The pig jerked its legs and struggled desperately.

Vaguely, Agatha remembered that Dracula, upon arrival, could find only a maid and a butler for the house. The rest of the servants, including the entire staff for the kitchen, he was going to recruit later, and at first, the maid could handle the preparation of the simplest food.

Well, Dracula probably decided to start home improvement seriously and hired a cook, Agatha thought distantly, looking at a tall reddish fellow who cheerfully brandished a knife. Either he accidentally hit the Landrace, or simply frightened it with loud screams, but it squealed, broke free, and rushed across the yard at a gallop.

Dracula and the red-headed giant simultaneously rushed after the boar. But Dracula, of course, was the first to do it. Picking up the pig in his arms, he gently scratched it behind the ear and turned to the cook. Agatha did not hear what he said, but, apparently, something very stern. Agatha could have sworn that there was a triumphant expression on the Landrace's muzzle. The chef's face turned to stone.

Holding back her laughter, Agatha put her palms on the windowsill and leaned out of the window.

‘Vlad,’ she said clearly and loudly. Dracula turned around and grabbed the Landrace more comfortably.

‘What?’ he asked with a smile, causing a wildish fire to crawl along Agatha's spine again, like the night before.

She lifted the corners of her lips slightly.

‘Don't play with food,’ she said sternly.

‘Or what?’ The pig in his hands twitched an ear, and Dracula soothingly ran his fingers along the top of its head.

Agatha felt her cheeks go red.

‘I’ll be very angry,’ she said and closed the window.

Just five minutes later, footsteps were heard outside the door, and Dracula entered the room. He was without a Landrace – instead of a pig, he held in his right hand a long silk curtain cord. Agatha glanced briefly at the rope – at Dracula's fingers caressing the ribbed surface, at the heavy tassels hanging from the ends.

‘I didn't have time to sin very much... today,’ he said quietly. He walked over and handed her the rope. ‘But you have to start somewhere.’

As if in a dream, Agatha nodded.

* Landrace is the first specialized bacon-type pig breed.

#dracula bbc #dracula 2020 #bbc dracula #dragatha #count dracula #agatha van helsing

[luna-rainbow]

First off I wanted to thank you for feeding us with all of the tfatws critiques lately, and I hope we're not annoying you with all the asks you've been getting about it recently. It's been really great to know that I'm not the only one with issues with the show and your posts are always super insightful to read.

The entire way that the writers handled Zemo in the show makes me want to punch myself in the face. It’s so OOC for Bucky to release him under any circumstance. The writers really expected me to buy into rebranding him as a likable anti hero when he tore the Avengers apart, retraumatized Bucky, and ruined Team Caps lives. They literally cared more about trying to make Zemo likable than they did addressing the trauma that he inflicted on Bucky. He violated Bucky in the same way that HYDRA did and shows now remorse for it. It’s hardly even mentioned and they put more weight on Zemo forgiving Bucky (“I hold no grudges against you for what you thought you had to do” which, what? I don’t even understand what he’s forgiving Bucky for or even talking about here) than Bucky forgiving Zemo--which by the way, Bucky is under zero obligation to do and frankly I wouldn’t even want him to. We need to stop telling people that they need to forgive their abusers in order to move on. Yes, for some people it works. But for others it doesn’t and both are valid forms of healing.

Bucky should have shot him in the face.

Sorry this is so long lol, I’m just really mad.

Thanks for the ask! I have to say I'm getting really amazing asks these days so it's all you guys inspiring me with interesting thoughts!

I have a feeling this is going to get long because this is something that I have Strong Feelings about, so I'm going to tackle it in two parts.

Zemo

I really want to talk about this guy because I think everyone's fallen for his new nonchalant charms, and while yes, it's got its moments but this manipulative sardonic rich white man trope where have we seen it before OH RIGHT TONY.

CACW Zemo was actually one of my favourite MCU villains. He had heart, he had intelligence, he had resolve. The only thing he didn't have was superpowers, but he plenty made up for it. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he was driven to do it anyway, because the Avengers had ripped a void in his life and revenge was the only thing that could fill it. He had nothing left, so he had nothing to lose, and he was ready to go to any length to destroy the happiness that the Avengers had - that they had taken from him. And that felt real to me, yanno, more so than the 20 other villains who wanted to rule the universe. But he was still squarely a villain.

TFATWS Zemo is...just a mess of a caricature, honestly. His goal had been the Avengers because they were idolised beyond reproach - his entire arc was because Sokovia was destroyed but these American larrikins went on with their merry lives. There were some clunky dialogue about supremacy, but none of it really congealed. CACW Zemo would have agreed with the Flag Smashers’ fight against an organisation that was beyond accountability, TFATWS made him a baron who wanted to maintain the status quo, and then tried to tell us this guy is now an anti-hero…and I honestly have no comment about what we should be reading into that.

Bucky

The “I hold no grudge for what you thought you had to do” is top on my list of TFATWS lines that prove the scriptwriter believes Bucky is in the wrong for everything. I cannot find an adequate interpretation of this line that does not paint Bucky as the villain in their relationship, when it’s Zemo who did every. Damn. Hurtful. Thing to Bucky.

Bucky did nothing to Zemo. He did nothing to Zemo’s family. He was not involved in Sokovia. And he did not have agency when he was in Hydra. ZEMO KNOWS THIS BETTER THAN ANYONE BECAUSE HE HYPNOTISED BUCKY.

Zemo framed Bucky. Put his name and face on every damn newspaper in the world. Got him nearly killed by a SWAT team and a very angry T’Challa. He then hypnotised Bucky, made him relive what he was trying to run away from, demonstrated that he was still under his handler’s whim no matter how hard he fought, then set him onto Steve and the rest of the Avengers. He used Bucky to create the rift between Steve and Tony, and broke up the Avengers. Not only that, throughout TFATWS he continually stirs Bucky up, and tries to drive a wedge between Sam and Bucky by mocking his fighting abilities as a love for violence and talking incessantly about the untrustworthiness of super soldiers.

And yet, the script lets Zemo tell Bucky that he holds no grudge WTAF is that. I honestly hope whoever wrote that line gets bullied to shreds only to have the bully tell him “I won’t hold it against you”, because that’s what happened here.

I’m proud of Bucky not shooting him, because he didn’t play into Zemo’s hand, but I ain’t interpreting that as forgiveness.

#bucky barnes #helmut zemo #tfatws critical #asks

[carriagelamp]

Weirdly enough, I often find myself reading less in the summer, since I have more time than I do during the rest of the year to do other things. Also artfight has been eating up more than a bit of my free time! But here’s a collection a graphic novels I sat around on the hammock reading, and some novels I finished up...

(Everyone go read All Systems Red, holy crow guys)

A Whale of the Wild

The “sequel” to A Wolf Called Wander, though it doesn’t actually connect to the previous novel except in the stylistic/thematic sense. A Whale of the Wild is very much a standalone novel. And a pretty decent one! Personally, I think I liked Wolf more, but this one was a pleasant, informative read, with just the right amount of crushing dread sprinkled in. It’s about a young orca called Vega who is learning to become a new wayfinder for her pod but who still has a lot to learn, especially in an ocean that is becoming increasingly hostile to orcas and the other sealife that live alongside humans. When a devastating earthquake hits, Vega and her little brother find themselves separated from their family, lost in a now horrifyingly unfamiliar environment, and fighting starvation as the salmon that sustain them become more and more unreliable. It’s a desperate fight for survival as they search for food and their missing family. This book is written for a middle grade level, and does a really good job of putting the current environmental crisis into an animal’s perspective while giving the readers something to hope for.

The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom

Every July I eagerly anticipate the next Adventure Zone graphic novel. This one is for their fourth arc, The Crystal Kingdom, in which Magnus, Taako, and Merle respond to a SOS from a floating laboratory that is gradually being consumed by crystals and which threatens the entire world should it fall into the ocean. Carey Pietsch’s art continues to be absolutely fantastic, so beautifully and hilariously expressive, and this one delivers some great Merle moments, lots of Carey Fangbattle, and, of course, Kravtiz. Kravitz, my beloved…

Anyway, I obviously always recommend these. If you’ve never gotten into The Adventure Zone, I totally recommend either trying these graphic novels — or even better, just go listen to the podcast because it really is both hilarious and creates a shockingly good and heart-wrenching story by the end.

All Systems Red

I’ve seen The Murderbot Diaries on my dash occasionally, and it always looked interesting, but a friend’s recommendation finally compelled me to read the first novella of the series. And holy shit y’all. Absolutely the best book I’ve read this month, it’s amazing. Mind-blowingly good. Also, if you’re like me and want a good audiobook, it’s a nice three-hour listen, very chill!

Anyway, All Systems Red is about a Security Unit, an artificially created being that’s part-organic part-mechanical and all-company-owned-and-controlled. However, self-named “Murderbot” has managed to hack into the system that suppresses its own will, and is now coasting along, doing the least amount of work its job requires not to be noticed, while preferring to spend all its time watching the hours and hours of soap operas it has downloaded into its brain. And it’s a tolerable if somewhat dull life, until the science team that it's currently rented to is attacked and the whole mission goes pear-shaped. Suddenly Murderbot has to scramble to keep its humans alive… while its humans scramble with the realization that their “SecUnit” isn’t actually a mindless robot like they had all believed...

This story is both gripping and hilariously funny. Murderbot has such a unique voice and perspective and it’s an absolute pleasure to follow its story. I reallly need to read the next book...

Asterix and the Banquet

A classic. I was startled when I realized I hadn’t actually read this Asterix story… but hell I’m not gonna complain, it lets me read one of the originals for the first time again! In this Asterix volume, the Indomitable Gauls and the Romans end up arranging a bet — the Romans intend to keep them under siege, trapped in their village, while Asterix is confident that he can easily evade them… and will prove it by going on a tour around all of Gaul, collecting iconic foods from each region in order to return and put on a fine banquet. So we get a fantastic adventure in which Asterix and Obelix run all over the country, pursued the whole way, while making cheerful stops at the various eateries along the way. Also the first book Dogmatix shows up in! All around, a wonderful read, fun like all the best Asterix comics are.

Beauty Pop v4

A less impressive graphic novel. The first Beauty Pop is one of my guilty pleasure manga because… it really is pretty stupid but in the best possible ways. I mean, the whole thing is framed around hairstyling battles, like a shojo sports manga without the sports. It’s bonkers. Unfortunately, the series does not really manage to hold up, and it really begins to feel repetitive and dragging as it continues… as a lot of series like this do. *shrug* Unsurprising but still kinda disappointing I suppose. The building three-way romantic tension is mildly interesting if for no other reason than the main character Does Not Notice and Does Not Care about any of it, which is amusing and refreshing.

FRNCK v5

Now this series only gets better and better as it goes. This is the first book of the second arc, and somehow the danger just seems to be ramping up and up and up. The cavefamily have lost their home… as well as Léonard and Gargouille. Heartbroken, shocked, and angry, Franck is the one who ends up shouldering the blame for their presumed deaths as the others mourn. Things only get worse when Franck finds himself separated from the family, and in the territory of another tribe, this one hostile and cannibalistic...

Haikyuu v5

I continue to read this series because it continues to be charming… though it is beginning to feel, maybe, just a little repetitive. Kind of an inevitability with sports manga. But so far it continues to be good enough to overcome that. I’m not sure what I can say about this series that I haven’t already, so I’ll simply say it continues to be one of the most impressive sports manga I’ve read, and the author does a fantastic job of creating engaging characters, fleshed out teams, and really compelling relationships. I do genuinely adore all the main members of Crows, along with a number of characters from the rival teams as well. And of course it has some kickass volleyball scenes that are just drawn so dramatically they can’t help but take your breath away a little.

M*A*S*H Goes To Maine

Meh. The original book of the series was actually quite good in my opinion. This one… considerably less so. The first part I enjoyed more, since it was about Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, and Oliver Jones trying to set up the FinestKind Clinic and Fishmarket in Crabapple Cove (which… is just the best premise I could have ever asked for). However, the book spends most of its time describing the quirky lives and times of other people living in the area and I… just… don’t care. It was funny at times but… I just don’t care. I wanted to hear more about the main cast. Also I found this book felt more racist and misogynistic than the first which also put me off :/ Wouldn’t bother if I were you. Go read the first book instead, or better yet just watch the TV show which is an obvious banger.

My Heart’s in the Highlands

I have had this on my “currently reading” list for so long but I’m officially giving up. It’s a really good book in theory but my god I can’t get over the pacing.

It’s about Lady Jane, a woman studying medicine in Edinburgh in 1888, and who suddenly finds herself back in the Highlands in the 13th century. Lost and confused, Jane is now at the mercy Clan Donald’s hospitality while she tries to adjust to this new world and hunts for her broken time machine. Fortunately, this hospitality include a burgeoning friendship with a red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, who opens Jane’s eyes to the way the world could be.

Listen. It drives me nuts. This book should be completely up my alley, it has everything I like — IT HAS ALL OF ITS HISTORICAL FOOTNOTES CITED AT THE BACK, LITTLE EXTRA DETAILS ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THAT’S MY SHIT RIGHT THERE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE BEING ABLE TO GO OVER HISTORICAL DETAILS?? AND WELL RESEARCHED FOOTNOTES?? And yet it doesn’t. Fucking. Work for me. It has a kickass Scottish warrior lady as a love interest! It has a badass lady doctor! It has fish-out-of-water culture shock! But it also has a completely meandering plot, no sense of building tension, and a romance that just happens out of nowhere and feels completely unearned and uninteresting.

I would genuinely just rather read Outlander again, which I know has its own host of problems, but at least Outlander felt exciting and interesting and tense and funny. The romance built in fits and starts, it was complicated, and kept me interested. That book had me hooked (and has me hooked every time I reread it) whereas this book I’ve been sadly picking at for months like its a plate of overcooked spinach. This felt like an attempt at a queer, historically accurate knockoff which I would normally be super into but which just could not stick the landing.

Moomin on the Riviera

My first time actually reading anything from the Moomin canon. I have zero idea how to feel about it! It certainly is as feral as I’ve heard described! Overall, I think I enjoyed it but it sure made me feel strange emotions I didn’t know existed. I’m not even going to try to describe it. Read it if you want a batshit insane anti-capitalist comic.

Surviving the City

This was good in some areas, less good in others. It had a very interesting indigenous perspective on life in the modern city, the foster system, and The Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women issue, which I’ve never seen handled in a book before. Something about the pacing did not completely click with me and I found myself getting easily distracted, but it’s definitely worth the read just to experience it and look at the issues it deals with through the characters’ (and author’s) eyes. It did give me a lot to think about and wrestle with, which is sometimes the best thing a book can give you.

Torchwood: Pack Animals

A really fun read, more so than I had ever expected! If you like Torchwood and want more stories about the team before everything goes to shit, this is perfect for that. It includes the entire cast, an interest mystery to be unravelled, lots of slavering monsters, Rhys being really wonderful and sweet (which I didn’t know I wanted until I read this book), and all the humour I expect from Torchwood. I had to send a lot of quotes to my long-suffering girlfriend who a) does not watch this show but b) needs to tolerate it because I find it too funny to keep to myself. It was good enough to make me go out another book of the series since this was the only one my library carried.

#book review #book reviews #torchwood #moomin #queer lit #queer literature #queer books #canlit #canadian literature #manga #haikyuu!! #beauty pop #all systems red #murderbot #mash goes to maine #taz #the adventure zone #the crystal kingdom #a whale of the wild #surviving the city #frnck #asterix

[youwontlikethisblog]

Betty, My Betty! Part 2.5 (Hopefully the last one)

Alrighty, I think this will be my last post for tonight? This morning? But it is still in the same vine of Armando being possessive so he is the main subject of this breakdown but I will also be discussing Mario a lot here so this in an attempt to be the final post regarding this episode will be a lengthy one.

Again I accidently bought the bootleg version of the novela so some scenes and episodes are missing as well as the chapters aren't titled.

We are in the same episode of Armando reacting to Betty having a boyfriend.

Right now Betty is exiting her office, she just hung up the phone with Nicolas who warned her that they needed to pay a loan to the bank because their 24 or 27 days were up.

Mario is leaning over Armando's desk and Armando is leaning forward as they are both discussing and whispering (that part is so short you can't really pick at what they're talking about but you can imagine what it is. I'm assuming that while Mario was telling Armando not to question or judge Betty on her personal life that Betty was in her office on the phone with Nicolas and when Mario leaned forward to talk to Armando Betty was about to end her call so they are essentially talking about how to go about finding out who Betty's boyfriend is) something I cannot hear. As Betty fully exits her office Mario moves from being up front to in the back of the room by the doors that take us to the meeting room. He looks Betty down and up as if checking her out.

This small frame(I don't know if when they were whispering it was them arguing over Mario's proposal of the plan or if Mario hadn't proposed it yet and it was just them talking about how to find out who Nicolas is because again, since this bootleg version isn't the complete one some scenes are missing so I could be wrong about this one! but the episode I saw on NBC showed the exact same scene so I'm going by the first "(red)" in the paragraph above) allows us to depict Mario coming up or starting to scheme the plan.

We know Mario Calderon will screw anything that has legs, wears skirts, and breathes and consents that is(<-hopefully). Every woman who has had a seggsual relationship with him has said so. Marcela warned Paty about it before they got involved so I'm assuming that in this scene Mario is checking out Betty to see if it's possible for someone to really love(lust) her and if not than he needs to figure out a plan and a way to convince Armando to follow through said plan.

When you're writing a novel you write down the key points you want to make but as you imagine certain scenes you really delve into detail of characterization. You make sure that whatever happens in that scene that your characters behave as themselves. So you really spend time getting to know your characters. This is a general rule of thumb for any creative writer. The plus of being a novelist or writing literature is that you can really go deep into details and write scenes in really long poetic ways. I don't know how to write scripts but I've read some from TV shows I've watched and they are written differently than a novel. Scripts have more dialogue than poetic descriptions and they are usually blunt with what the writer wants from each character in that scene.

For example: (Take this with a grain of salt I don't know how to write scripts I am going off based on how I've read them)

Ana walks into the room. The camera focuses on her face. There's lighting outside and we see the lighting flash on her face.

Julian turns to see her. He is surprised to see her. He thought she was dead. He stands up slowly. The camera focuses on his face and then Ana's.

She smiles at him, tears forming in her eyes.

"Is that re-really you?" He stutters. He then walks slowly towards her.

In a script you write where the camera goes, where the actors move, the facial expressions, the mood of the room, and so forth. Yes directors do have a say on how they choreograph scenes and actors can add their own two cents but script writers have a pretty good idea of everything that is going on the scene and why it is. If in novel writing(that's not the correct term) we focus a lot on how the reader will imagine the scene and being able to correctly and artistically discribe it as well as how they will understand it because we are not focusing on visual cues like script writers but rather focused on using words to be able to paint a inner visual picture than in scripts the writer usually focuses on tone and movement. The same rule still stands though; show don't tell.

Why do I even bring this up?

This helps us understand that what is shown here isn't just an accident. We aren't being fed what we're told, we are being fed what we see. What we see is the final vision of the writer. Fernando Gaitan was the only one to write this novel and he wrote every detail with the intention of it to mean something.

I have no doubt that the actors added their own flavor as they are excellent actors and the reason why we were able to fall in love with these character. The directing is amazing as well. The scene cuts, the frames, and the choreo are amazing(tho some stills are funny and y'all know which ones) but the writing has a lot to do with it. If anyone is a script writer or knows what that's about correct me if I'm wrong!

I say this because what we are being told and shown is that Armando had feelings for Betty and not a crush like Betty did. He actually cared about her, as a friend. I know many don't agree with that because Armando was a crappy boss. We see them always interact as boss and employee but the reason why I continue to bring up the fact that he started to blur those lines is because we were being told and shown that.

Armando is mechanical. He is emotionless to the outsiders. As he once told Betty that she probably thinks he is a man of ice and later on in the future we see Betty daydream telling Marcela that she knows Armando acts like he's got a heart of stone but deep inside of him he needs a lot of love. However Armando isn't a man of iron and he tells that to Betty himself.

We are told this but what are we shown?

We are shown an erratic, often driven by emotion, and neutronic person. Now the people he has surrounded himself with aren't the most loving and welcoming people. They are pretty judgy and stuck up. So often the emotions he shows and knows how to distinguish well are anger, frustration, and most of all being erratic with the emotions mentioned above. These emotions drive him. The people around him think that he is a man of stone and that nothing moves him. However we then meet a woman who isn't like that at all or like any of the people he has surrounded himself with.

This person is kind, loving, respectful, and sweet to everyone. She loves her job, loves her friends, loves her family and secretly loves her boss. In a very poetic way Betty is color in an otherwise black and white world. She brings warmth to Armando and because they work so closely, how is he not supposed to be affected by this? How is he not supposed to be changed and moved by this?

He is an awe of her morals, of Betty's qualities and her general presence and though we aren't bluntly told this by the characters themselves we are shown this and it's not by accident and not by mistakes of post production.

Take a break if you need it.

It isn't an accident that we see Mario so much in these scenes just standing in the background taking it all in because he truly is the mastermind behind Betty's downfall. He truly mapped out and planned the way to seduce Betty and how to manipulate Armando and didn't even care if it hurt her or his best friend. What he cared about was that his best friend remained President because titles mean everything to him. As we saw in the past when Armando and him were arguing over the deal with the Panamanian fabric seller, while Armando focused on how it not only affected him and the major shareholders but everyone, Mario reminded him that he was also a minority shareholder, but a shareholder nonetheless. Armando's inner turmoil was that he was jeopardizing the livelihood of not only the company's shareholders, and his family but the entire company's employee roster while Mario was more focused on himself, telling him that he too had a lot to lose but not understanding what really weighted down Armando's shoulders.

Think about it, Mario in a sense is a leech. He gets the crumbs of women Armando doesn't want. If I'm not mistaken in the spinoff Eco Moda Mario himself says that women only ever showed interest in him because they wanted to get close to Armando. Mario lives off of the crumbs of Armando, not only with women but socially. Armando is one of the major shareholders of Eco Moda, he's attractive, charismatic, and an important figure in society and not only among the Fashion world like Mario is. Mario Calderon wasn't going to let his best friend lose the title of being President for anything because than it would be bad for him. It would be bad for his reputation to have been his close friend and accomplice to Armando while also being a part of a disastrous presidency term in the company.

Mario is charismatic, one could even say a lot more than Armando seeing as I myself even like him even when I know all of this about his character. I find him funny, charming, and at times endearing but of course that's when you look at him on a surface level.

Mario Calderon is despicable. He is downright selfish and egocentric down to the bone. He maps out this plan so easily because he knows his two victims well. He has seen Armando's disagreements with Marcela, he has witnessed first hand Armando's change towards Betty and silently observed Betty's interactions with Armando. He himself has thrown out his conclusions on Betty's actions by a simple snip bits of conversation that he's either been in the room to hear or heard from Armando himself.

Who better to make Betty fall in love than Armando? Because Betty has those feelings there and who better to do be the one to do this than Armando? Not only because those feelings are there but because Armando can stomach the job. The man who is confused about his feelings and behaving erratically and emotionally driven than Armando?

Because Armando proposes for Calderon to do it. At first Calderon is grossed out by the idea but Armando presents everything telling him he isn't the boss, that he has no morals and he was perfect for the job. Mario agrees with all of that, even asks for a bigger percentage of shareholding and Armando agrees. This gives us the understanding that Mario would be willing to seduce Betty.

I realize this contradicts my own personal opinion that Armando agreed to do this because it meant he was saving Betty from Nicolas but lets remember that Armando was afraid to face those feelings and he wasn't even aware that they were there. Here Armando and Mario weren't talking about love, as he thinks Betty is so in love with Nicolas that he is her eternal love and that Nicolas would take advantage of that and poison her against them, they are talking about seduction, meaning seggsual. Which I've said before Armando thinks lust is love and therefore that if he ain't wanting to jump they bones in that instant that it cain't be love therefore my mans thought he had no feelings for Betty(idk why bc we do get two scenes where he checks her out briefly (I am sure of this because it's the episode where Betty tripped and was limping and when Mario brought it up Armando asked if she didn't already walk like that, if he had been noticing her walk than he would have been aware of the limp but his eyesight went from the top of Betty's head all the way down. Do with that information what you'd like :)) and where he gets jealous when Charlie Zas kissed her cheek(someone once said that they were celos de jefe and excuse me ma'am jealousy is jealousy and a normal boss would not feel that. If my boss or manager ever did that I woulda done been fired in that instant))

Take a break if you need it.

Okay return back to this scene.

While Calderon does this mila second rundown of Betty, Armando and him share a stare. Either Armando wants the room to himself or is looking at him for a confidence boost. Then Mario nods and lets him know he'll leave them be.

Armando sticks to the script by not removing his trust from Betty. Instead he encourages her and congratulates her on doing things well.

In this scene while Betty has been entirely focused on the work at hand and being professional Mario was busy assessing the situation while Armando... is hard to read here. He is keeping himself composed rather than being emotionally driven or erratic or neurotic. In truth he is showing one of his best traits so far, composure. When he is sure of what he wants to happen Armando is really good at keep composure, feelings at bay, and controlling the situation. Something he later loses as he begins to get more lost and confused in his own feelings and understanding them.

Betty here is endearing, honestly I find Betty endearing at all times lol. She's super cute and such a good sport since her character is written to capture your heart, not by sympathy but by empathy. Again just like Armando how are we not supposed to be affected by such a sweet character? Constantly putting her feelings aside for Armando's, who hasn't done that? We empathize with her because at some point or another we've been her and ironically it's the exact same reason why we sympathize and empathize with Armando because at some point or another we've all been there where we let the worse get the best of us and we've learned to live with it and deal with it same as he.

As Betty starts to leave the office Armando calls her name, stands up in a slow but steady way showing us that he is the one in control in this situation. His tone is controlled but not enough where you don't hear that resent.

"Betty you didn't hadn't told me you've got a boyfriend"

Betty looks taken aback by this behavior of his. As she stares at him a bit shocked and rocks on her feet, seeming uncomfortable with this but also worried.

Armando proceeds to say "and that that boyfriend is Nicolas Mora, your friend from university. The one you've got in Terra Moda" Notice how now there is a waiver in his voice and he no longer is being as composed or in control of his emotions. As he for split seconds allows those emotions of jealousy and possessiveness to sweep through his tone of voice.

In this scene Armando isn't so much giving us body language as he is stiff, showing nervousness and discomfort himself, often we see this whenever Marcela is interrogating him but he is giving us tonality in voice.

Again the sequence as he names the list of what and who Nicolas is shows priority. First, Nicolas is Betty's boyfriend, that guy she's talked about who she went to university with, and she's got him working in Terra Moda. His priority: Betty has a boyfriend. He knows who said boyfriend is and he knows what he does.

Betty tells him that she doesn't have a boyfriend: "Ay ay no Doctor, eso no es cierto." Betty normally has a waiver her voice whenever she's nervous or scared so it's not unlike her to have it here, she smiles and chuckles nervously. In translation what she says is lost so by interpretation this is what she said "Hmm? No sir... um that's not true."

Armando's tone is now accusing her. He seems angered by Betty's "denial" as he tells her "It's not true? I heard it-" we then get a frame of Betty's reaction. She is truly concerned over this as we later find out at the end of the day that she was worried that it could cause Don Armando to build distrust towards her. Again we are shown that Betty is keeping it all professional whilst Armando isn't.

"I heard when Bertha told you, right in front of me. [Y'all] started gossiping, didn't notice I was there. You both forgot about me, no Betty?"* He is shaking as if agitated and he sports a cocky smile because he feels like he caught her in her own lie.

[*]This could be taken in a double sense. In his eyes Betty was so excited about hearing that her "eternal love" called her that she forgot he was in the room and in a figurative way, Betty forgot him.

Betty's understanding of his behavior is rational. He's upset that she withheld vital information from him after she told him she had nothing else to hide(when he interrogated her the previous night) and this is related to a professional work related situation.

Armando now sports similar traits to that of Marcela when she is looking for reasons to act out on her anger. Armando is agitated as stated before and while Betty goes to explain herself Armando grabs his glass of whisky, not taking his eyes off Betty and drinks(cantinero, otro whisky!(Now his behavior here is very interesting because as he grabs the glass to drink from it he takes in a deep breath. At first I interpreted this for anger but after seeing it a few times I realize it's panic. While at first he was composed and sure of what he was feeling which was anger, now he is faced with uncertainty from feelings he doesn't recognize and he doesn't know where this conversation is going to head or how he'll react or feel so he enters panic mode)). She tells him that it was something the cuartel came up with because she once mentioned Nicolas and since then they haven't gotten it out of their heads that he is her boyfriend "I don't have anything with him."

Then relief starts to wash over him as Betty's final words are reassuring him that she doesn't have a boyfriend. In this frame Armando no longer has a drink in hand and he doesn't seem as tense as before.

"Definite? We're sure of that?"

Betty chuckles and nods and his tone of voice returns to being soft spoken and calm, even hopeful as he tells her "Okay, okay it was only curiosity." (What kind of curiosity tho?;))

Betty leaves his office and has a slight smile and was on the brink of a daydream when Sofia interupts her from doing that.

I have this dumb theory where Aura Maria and Freddy are in some way a parallel of Betty and Armando except that Aura Maria takes on the role of Armando while Freddy takes on the role of Betty and if y'all want I'll write a post explaining this.

Take a break if you need it.

Skip a scene we've got Armando interacting with Freddy. Usually everyone pays the burnt of Armando's anger and in this scene he looks anything but angry. He actually humors Freddy which allows us to know that after that conversation with Betty, he has one less problem(you know the one that topped all the others). He then laughs at Freddy(I find it ironic that Freddy told him that what Jenny and him have is strictly professional at which Armando laughs and repeats the same thing. The reason I find it ironic is because we as an audience know that what J & F have is not strictly professional and the conversation Armando just had with Betty wasn't strictly profession. In other words, Fernando Gaitan has a good sense of humor) and tells him to show him his lil dancy dance and leaves to go to Mario's Office.

When he enters his office he informs him he spoke to Betty about that infamous boyfriend.

"What did she say?" Mario asks.

"Well no, that she doesn't have a boyfriend." his smiles and says happily. He the catches him up on the gossip.

While Armando is now showing an array of emotion and excitement Mario is poker face, fidgeting with his pen and studying Armando.

He tells him "You know what this means? That I'm a happy man!" he chuckles and looks around the room as if really taking in the news and letting the relief settle in. "What a relief, finally some good news today, ah" he says the final part as if he were an italian chef. This lets us know that Armando is truthfully relieved to find out that Betty, his Betty is single and that he is still her special man.

In the previous post I talked about how Armando went about listening his excuses to start drinking early that day and how he basically went going from his smallest problem to the biggest one as he says that the one that topped all of his other problems was Betty having a boyfriend.

See, all his other problems were a cause of stress and anger, emotions he is very familiar with so they don't disconcert him however, jealousy or fear of losing Betty, are new territory for him that alone freaked him out but the fact Betty had a boyfriend was enough to just push the boy just close enough to the edge he needed a drink so early in the morning because it was anguish.

Mario tells him he has never seen him so relieved and happy to find out a woman doesn't have a boyfriend to which we pan out to see Armando roll his eyes and slouch against the chair, annoyed at Mario's insinuation once again.

Mario reminds him of the last time he saw that same expression on him which was when he found out some woman was separated from her husband. Armando then tells him not to diminish the good news because it meant Betty hadn't ommited any information from him.

To really bring this post to the full potential of it being analytical let us break this down.

Why was it important for him that Betty not omit information from him? Especially relating to something so personal and intimate of Betty's life outside of the office? (Again the argument that this is only about Eco Moda and Terra Moda are disproven in the previous post).

[EDIT: Sometimes as I write I've got two ideas at the same time and forget to finish writing them. It wasn't only important for the reasons mentioned below but because he does in fact want to know more about Betty as he later tells Bertha the same thing].

Armando went through the five stages of grief.

Anger, denial, anger, denial, more denial, and then moving on.

He did not accept that Betty had a boyfriend therefore when she told him she didn't he fully believed her, didn't ask more questions.

For Armando Betty's character means a lot. I don't mean the individual personification of Betty as a fictional character in this novela I mean as in her inner self and what she represent. To him Betty represent stability, comfort, unconditionality, honesty, and most of all fidelity and loyalty and the last three qualities are what he is always naming. If she withheld something from him it would mean that Betty was no longer that. She no longer would be an object of reassurance and comfort but like everyone else she'd become an unpredictable and untrustworthy individual in his life. Some one more that he needed to keep at arm's length or pretend around.

Armando has gotten a taste of being around someone who doesn't judge him when he is himself and doesn't hold it over him when he makes mistakes based on his neurotic nature or anger issues. Instead he has been around someone who understand he's like that, someone who is patient and knows how to call him out on it and how to handle his erratic behavior so he has learned to let his guard down little by little and found a niche of comfort in his assistant but if she lied to him it would take all of that away. It would be betrayal in his eyes.

That's why it was so important to him that Betty didn't keep secret from him. Especially seeing as they were forming a friendship that was based on honesty and respect towards each other. This explains why that was important to him. It's important for him to have trust in her.

However we ain't kidding anyone because his reaction was possessive over Betty because Betty has given all of these things to Armando, who has never really received them without some fine print, and he doesn't want to share her with anyone else. This is possessiveness and it is not love or romantic. It is a toxic trait because not one person belongs to someone and Armando feels that Betty belongs to him. Be it romantically, platonically, or work related, a person is a human being and they do not belong as an object or property to anyone.

Armando is a very emotionally immature individual and this shows us that.

Mario then proceeds to be his classical self, which is to sow the seed of paranoia in his best friend as he starts to point out that her friends wouldn't be saying that if Betty hadn't given them a reason. His hands clasped in front of him show a position of power. Right now he is holding the cards and he is well aware of that.

Right as he see the reaction he wanted from Armando he leaves him to ferment so to speak in the paranoia he has left in him. Armando becomes nervous all over again and susceptible to it.

He is left with himself and he says "Y quien es el.." now if you're hispanic or latino you'll find the humor in how that scene ends as he starts to sing in a sorrowful tone a very romantic and a song that I'd say most listen to when dealing with a break up "y en que lugar se enamoro de ti?"

Which translate to "And what is he like? and in what place did he fall in love with you?"

I won't read too much into that as I'm sure it was written in for humor or added in for the humor effect as we've had some pretty heavy emotionally driven scenes in this episode but I do think it's an ironic placement of humor.

Now to bring the final scene that I will be discussing regarding Armando finding out about Betty's boyfriend we come full circle with Armando asking Bertha about it.

He acts charismatic, composed and professional to get Bertha to talk to him.

"The subject is the following: I've got a long time working with Betty and It's just until now that I find out she's got boyfriend. Do you know who he is?"

"Well like really know? No, because she's so reserved"

He then with a pierced mouth nods. Again those feelings are creeping back up. I get it. He's feeling paranoia, distrust, betrayed, hurt, offended, scared, jealous, possessive and angry but this proves what I mentioned about Armando having his guard up at all times because he doesn't show any of this to Bertha, at least not enough where she picks up but because we as an audience are given so much detail regarding his character, we can.

Quickly he asks her "And you don't know how long she's been dating him?" brings us full circle again. The same tone he had with Betty when he told her that he was in the same room as her when Bertha said that she had a boyfriend, minus the smirk and actual reaction of his, once again proves that Armando knows when to show his reaction and how to be in control and composed.

Bertha proceeds to tell him the "actual" story in which she tells him "dating dating? No, but he does have her eating from the palm of his hand because she's stupidly in love with him." and we hear Armando gasp and say "No." we then get a frame of his face which shows us... the opiset of happiness, joy, relief, tranquility, peace, serenity but with someone trying to be composed.

Bertha tells him that Mariana read her the cards and said that he was Betty's dream man and that he was going to change her life and she was going to change his life. I don't care for that but for the sake of this breakdown I'll mention it.

We know that Betty's dream man is Armando, not Nicolas. However everyone else thinks it's Nicolas. Armando's facial expression shows someone once again panicking.

He not only finds out that Betty has boyfriend, now it turns out she didn't just omit something from him but lied when he asked her and to top it off she so happens to be stupidly in love with him and on top of all of that he is Betty's dream man and to finish it off, he will change her life and she will change his life in the mildest of riches, meaning with Betty becoming the sole owner of Eco Moda and Terra Moda, making her rish rish $$$.

This is when it no longer is just about his mixed up feelings for Betty but now the entire livelihood of his family and everyone that works for Eco Moda.

Eco Moda is Armando's pride and joy. He does love that company which is why he started that scheme in the first place because he didn't want to lose it, let his father down, prove Daniel right, and throw away 30 plus year of his father's work and life time(Also as we're told because of his goals). The company means a great deal to him and in ways he's not aware of yet, so does Betty.

However someone is aware of this, not to the deep knowledge that Armando has regarding whatever he thinks he is feels towards Betty but they've got some sort of idea regarding this and they innact and come up with a plan to secure the company, the presidency, and his statues and reputation.

Step one: Tell Armando that he needs to make Betty fall in love with him to secure the company. Women in love will do anything for the one they love therefore if he beats Nicolas to the goal we secure the company. It worked with Paty(he's stupid so his logic doesn't work)

Step two: Convince Armando that he is the right candidate for the job. If that doesn't work, manipulate him with paranoia and make him fear Betty. If that doesn't work, tell him you were sure that Betty was in love with him before you found out about Nicolas.

Step three: Tell Armando I will be in charge of all the corny details because he will freak out and get way over his head and ruin the plan.

Step four: make fun of him.

Step five: Go on a trip and write a letter that explains the entire plan in detail and leave it on my desk without telling my secretary to not let anyone touch it or go near it except Armando so that she can go into my office, and I know how she likes to be nosy, and she can then think it's in the wrong office and give it to her assistant who takes care of all of his stuff, literally, and she finds it, reads it and does exactly what I was afraid of and made my best friend afraid of as well and that will then bring her downfall, his downfall, therefore the entire company's downfall.

Step six: never realize how stupid I am or take full accountability for it and apologize sincerely for all the wrong and harm I have caused.

Obviously I'm not saying Armando is innocent or that he didn't do anything wrong. He did. He allowed his best friend to manipulate him when he said he wouldn't listen to him again(the panama thing), he allowed his best friend to make fun of Betty and was a coward to admit his true feelings not only to himself but to his best friend. He was a willing(felt guilty for it but nonetheless willing) participant in the plan.

By now breaking down these past episodes and scenes allows us to understand where Armando was coming from so we can sympathize just a bit for him and his confusion and how he was so easily manipulated by Mario, however this doesn't mean he isn't guilty. At the start of it he too to some degree thought no one could love Betty, (yes we later find out that he did care for her as he tells Mario that he feels endearment for Betty and he looks relieved to find that out. I will be breaking down that scene when I get to it) because of her physicality (I already talked about this but when the time is right I will go into deep detail regarding this part of Armando's character).

It is eleven AM. I have been writing this post for the past seven hours and I am beat and tired. I hope this makes sense.

Once again, 'til next time.

HAHAHA OKAY I FORGOT TO ADD SOME COMMENTARY ON THE REST OF THIS SCENE.

[Edit:

Bertha proceeds to tease Armando about him liking gossip and being Nosey. He gets annoyed at her but in order to get the information he wants he stays composed and tells her that he just wants to know about Betty.

"It's not that[I like gossip], it's just that this is about someone who is really close to me everyday-who I work really close with- and truth be told I am a little curious about Betty's life. You know, one just imagine her a little ugly and with boyfriend...? You know? Why don't you tell me the whole thing?"

At first he is a being defensive while trying to justify the fact he is being nosey. His tone then changes to endearing as he tells her "truth be told I am a little curious about Betty's life." and his face goes along with the tone as he says "you know, one just imagines her a little ugly-" he catches himself and say "and with boyfriend...?"

Overall what we have learned here is that Armando is really good at dismissing his feelings on the spot, suppressing them, and running away from them(I too do that and it's a pain in the butt). He does this as a sport.

Bertha then tells him "The thing is that Betty doesn't like it much for you to know about her private life." and this again offends Armando as he straightens his face and stares at Bertha in shock and as Bertha says "How is it, Sir..." and he quickly sits down to listen to her. "that this morning when we left your office she pulled me aside and told me that she didn't want you to know about her intimate life?" he rubs his chin, eyes still on Bertha and whispers "Really?"

Armando knows that Bertha can't tell half a gossip so instead of asking her to keeping telling him, practically begging her to tell him the whole scoop he manipulates her by saying "If this is going to cause problems then don't tell me. Let's leave it as is, Bertha, thank you." his tone is somber to tug at her strings, how could she possibly leave this man curious over this juicy gossip? and how could she not tell the whole story? Especially because it's her boss?

Bertha chuckles and tells him that she, of course is going to tell him, that she is dying to tell him. Armando then tells her "Well then if this is between us two it doesn't leave the planet, go on, tell me how did it go?"

Armando starts to bit his nail as he listen to Bertha start from the beginning.

She tells him word for word what Mariana said about Betty's dream man. She's obviously describing Armando, but to everyone else that's Nicolas, so the impression or idea that Armando now has of Nicolas is that he isn't some loser or nerd or some nobody but he is an important man who is the type of man woman lust over. They will have an intense relationship that will be strong and that the man is fundamental for her life.

This describes a man that is both important and that will be for sure in Betty's life.

Now Bertha goes on to describe the man Betty told them about. He is desired by woman,tall, handsome, strong, isn't rich but has money, has a big car, and his name is Nicolas Mora. However Betty clearifies that she has nothing going on with him, that she just likes him and she feels a strong attraction to him but that nothing has happened between them.

Then Mariana tells her that something will happen because it will change both of their lives.

Take into account that though Betty's life in a personal aspect hasn't changed much in the professional aspect it has. She's got a respectable job, a boss who values her work ethic and her enough to hand over his company which means she's could be rich. She's abandon some of her morals to collaborate with her scheming boss and is doing things that aren't morally correct.

Armando's life has changed not only professionally but personally. For one he's begun to let his guard down and given more of himself to a woman he isn't in a relationship or knowingly attracted to, his relationship with Marcela is only getting worse and Betty is usually the center of their biggest fights, he has now built a friendship with said woman built on trust and respect, something he has never done with any other woman and of course professionally he has sunken his and his family's company into debt.

I'd say Armando's life is changing a lot and that's not even the peak of it. Betty's life is also changing a lot and they haven't even started dating.

Armando is aware of how Betty's life is changing on a work related level so he obviously believes everything Bertha is telling him because he knows things she doesn't know.

Impatiently and annoyed Armando tells Bertha to explain what she means by "it's going to change their lives." which again since he "knows" things Bertha doesn't, therefore Tweedledum has sowed the seed of paranoia and Tweedledee has given it the perfect terrain for it to flourish so Armando is now listening to Mario's voice that Betty could turn against them though the important thing to note here is that Armando isn't mistrusting of Betty instead he is really mistrusting of Nicolas, because again, who could really fall in love with "ugly" betty. Except that's a joke on it's own because the idiot was already having feelings for her.

They are interrupted by Guti Guti and this is where I will end this post.

Truthfully until next time. ]

#analysis of ysblf #armando mendoza #armando ysblf #don armando #mario calderon #betty pinzón solano #betty ysblf #betty la fea #ysblf #yo soy betty la fea

[saturnsstufff]

The Empress pt.VIII

Weddings!! although I thought this was a lot apparently I was just lying to myself. There's just a lot of information I guess.

Warnings: swearing, mentions sexual activity.

   When morning rolled around you were still in Techno's arms. Your head was to his chest well his his chin rested on top of yours, sheltering you protectively. Techno knew he couldn't stay in bed with you too long. He would have to get ready for the day and go to his office for a couple of meetings. But the way you held onto him made him want to stay. His thoughts lingered to last night. He almost wondered if the emotions from the night had heightened what he felt for you.

   He couldn't help but smile to himself remembering how breathless the two of you were after kissing for so long. He was happy, knowing you were his left a warm feeling within his heart. He always had assumed from early childhood that he would end up alone. None of the court ladies would willingly go to him. Since he was a hybrid, he was just lowly frowned upon. He was always set up with girls for power, or for looks. So him knowing you willingly went to him filled him with utter pride. He knew you weren't the type to find power. You had voiced many times that you just wanted someone to call your own. Start a family and ease down in life.

   His attention was drawn away from his thoughts as you slowly began to stir. Nuzzling your face into his chest more, longing to feel the warmth he offered. His arm pulled you closer. His frim hand rubbing your back gently. You were tired. After the long night you spent together you weren't ready to get up. Your mind fell to last night and you couldn't help but go pink and wonder if it was only a dream. Techno held you so close and was so loving in that moment. Nothing went beyond kissing, but for as long as you two were at it, you had a right to be tired. You still remembered how his hand held your cheek, then the feeling of his arm around your waist. All of it was just perfect.

   You felt his nose nuzzle into your hair. His lips lingering loosely by your ear. "Good morning..." Oh he had a morning voice. His was even deeper than you could have imagined. You slowly fluttered your eyes open. Your half lidded eyes met with his gentle and loving ones.

   "Good morning..." you said softly. You felt him press a ever so gentle kiss to your ear, making you smile slightly. He turned onto his back, wrapping his arm around you. Your draped your arm over him, moving your head onto his chest.

   The rather chilly morning now felt warm and welcoming. If someone had told you months ago, you would be sleeping with the young Emperor, you most definitely would have laughed at them. Yet here you were, laying within his arms like a prized possession.

   "I'll have to get up soon princess..." he said softly. Almost like he was telling himself rather than you. You rubbed your cheek on his chest to move some stray hair of yours away.

   "Do you have to?" You muttered. Wanting to savor this moment like it was your last. A wide smile graced Techno's lips.

   "Plan to keep me here if I do?" Now you smiled wide at his words. Securing your arms around him tightly.

   "Possibly..." his hand moved from your back, up to your ear. Moving some of your stray hairs away from your face to behind your ear. Framing your face like a portrait.

   He let out a light chuckle. His hand moving to rest on your back again, continuing to rub gentle circles. "Well if my Princess orders me to stay... I mean who am I, to deny her?"

   You were back to the forge that afternoon. Hammer in hand as you worked a new sword for Phil. He had came in a while ago with one of his old worn blades. Far too weak to even be remotely saved. So with his permission you asked if you could just scrap this one and rebuild him a new one. He did stress he didn't want to over work yourself, but you explained it wasn't any bother.

   Well you were working you didn't hear the steps that approached you. Far to lost within your own work to pay mind to everything around. "Mighty blade you have there" the voice was smooth as silk. Seraphina.

   You couldn't help but jump in place. Your heart lurching at her voice. She gently chuckled at your startle. "Y...you scared me" you said turning to her with a weak smile. The sweat on your brow proved your work. Your hands, although gloved, were worn with time. Whether Sarah would admit it or not she did have respect for you, she could easily see why Techno had fallen for you.

   "Sorry to hear, I didn't intend to" She said with a soft smile. Looking over what you had just crafted. "Technoblade was right, you make some pretty amazing things. Don't you?" She asked looking to you. You went a faint pink glancing your blade over.

   "I think I do alright" she laughed, resting a firm hand on your shoulder. Her strength almost near Techno's. Almost. You set your hammer and the blade down. Removing your gloves to wipe your forehead.

   "Your to modest. Everyone in the city knows you bested others. Your regarded pretty highly little one. I wouldn't doubt yourself" you nodded slowly. A soft smile on your lips.

   "Thank you General..." her smile never faltered. She wondered about the room and leaned herself on one of the sturdy work benches. With her in front of you, you now fully realized the extent of her height. She was Tall.

   "Technoblade said you would be his plus one to my wedding I hear." She said casually. You opened your mouth to protest incase she wasn't ok with it. "Don't get the wrong idea, I don't mind you being there. I actually came to see if you would like to be my Maid of Honor." She rubbed her neck a bit. "I don't have many friends... and there all men so.. I was curious if you were interested in the position” you offered a shy smile. You where honored of the idea, but you weren't sure if you should be at her day, seeing as you don't know her very well.

   “Are you sure? that's a pretty private thing... I wouldn't want to intrude on that...” She lightly laughed. Her laugh was light hearted and soft. Showing she meant no harm.

   “You wouldn't be intruding. I promise” you nodded slowly. After a bit of silence she spoke up again. “I see Technoblade is in a awfully good mood today” You went pink thinking over last night. 

   “O-oh?” She laughed again at you, not meaning it rudely.

  “Mhn. During the war room meeting he was very light hearted” You tiled your head a bit. You knew techno had mentioned a meeting but not something as important as a war room meeting.

  “There was a meeting? W-what about” you asked carefully. your brow slightly furrowed.

   “Oh nothing important, it was just a casual meeting, we were mostly inquiring about the expansion in the north. Nothing to be worried about” you nodded slowly to her words. Trusting her on this since she had the military back ground. "You see the Empire is ever expanding, taking what land we can. There are a lot of villages out there in need of supplies. If we can reach them, we can help them." She was smiling. You nodded now understanding that the meeting was in good nature.

   After about a month the wedding had finally come. Techno and you were still going strong with a loving relationship as well. After your night with him, it had just became a default thing to just retire to bed with him. Finding comfort with sleeping next to him or sleeping with your head on him.

   It was the night before the wedding, Techno and you were lazily walking the halls together. Having just wanted to be within each others company again. Due to Techno being Emperor he still had his duties to the kingdom. Where he did cherish you, and put your well-being first. He still had to tend to his job.

   With casual steps the two of you wondered into the ballroom. The room was prepared for the upcoming reception. The normal graceful room was now decorated to the highest standard. The accents of gold and reds keeping everything classy. In the corner the instruments lay waiting for the day they are used.

   You were all smiles, the night had went perfect so far. You did mention not knowing how to waltz at dinner. Which made Wilbur laugh at you until tommy took his dinner roll. Techno and Phil didn't mind however, they said one of them could teach you if would have liked. Of course when Techno showed interest, Phil backed off.

   To which that led to tonight. The two of you smiling within each others arms. Techno had walked you to the middle of the room for a wide space. "What if I step on your foot?" You asked giggling gently.

   He chuckled amused. "Then you step on my foot, its not a problem" he was light hearted. Wanting to make the learning experience fun and gentle. His hands moved to his hair, skill fully pulling it up into a full bun. Wanting his hair out of the way completely.

   His hand came and rested on your upper back, pulling you close to his body. He didn't hesitate to move your hand to his shoulder and take your free hand within his. "The movement is simple... We'll start slow and then pick up the pace, ok?" His soft smile put you at ease. "You don't have to get it completely. But I think you will catch on quickly"

   You nodded to his words. He had faith in your learning ability. Knowing you were capable of more than you thought. He made his first step to the left. "Ease up and flow like your water" you couldn't help but look down to your feet. Wanting to make sure you didn't step on his foot. "Step forward" he said as he stepped back within sync. "Now step right... and then step back." You nodded slowly. Your eyes minding his shoes. "Princess... I would like to see your beautiful eyes..." he discarded your hand to lift your head. "Your too beautiful to gaze at the floor" with a small smile he kissed your forehead. "The dance revolves around a box step... lets try going in a fluid motion now..." He was talking slowly so you understood. Not trying to talk down and make you feel uneducated.

   The casual steps continued. Slowly picking the pace up until you two were gracefully sweeping along the floor. He kept your eyes locked within his. Once you had done the steps for a while he did become more daring. Choosing to lock you within his arms before spinning you. He had even dunked you to capture your lips into a loving kiss. Emperor or not, he was a true romantic by heart.

   Once you were slightly panting from the dancing he choose to take a spot on the piano bench with you. You leaned into his side, his arm coming to wrap around you. Rubbing your arm. You adored spending time with Techno, he always gave you a comforting feeling. When you first met him he was definitely aloof and standoff-ish but now he holds you as close as he can manage.

   The two of you sat in silence together, collecting your breath. The moonlight shown down on you both, Illuminating you two as if you were the stars of the show. You gazed down at the piano keys wanting nothing more than to pluck a few keys in curiosity.

   Techno must have saw you glance the keys over. "Do you know how to play?..." you shook your head gently. Plucking some of the low notes to see what tone they had.

   "I've never even been around one..." your fingers danced lightly. Having herd the harder you tap the louder it is. You looked up to Techno curiously. "Can you play?" You knew it was probably rhetorical, but you asked regardless.

   "Of course, my mother taught me. I haven't played anything special in ages, but I still know Moonlight Sonata, or Clair de Lune." He said casually looking over the keys.

   You rubbed your cheek on him a bit. Getting comfortable within your spot. "Could you play for me?..." he smiled lovingly before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. His lips lingering gently as he mumbled a 'Of course'.

   His hands ever so gracefully took there spots over the keys. Even without his glasses he knew where the keys were. He started a song you weren't quite familiar with, but it was ever so gentle. Everything techno did was done with elegance. Even playing the piano had you completely smitten with him. He was graceful yet he lurked with almost a unknown danger. You knew that he cared about you just as you cared for him. There wasn't a day that went by that he wouldn't ask if you were ok. He would even check to assure you were wearing your earrings, fearful that you would be taken from him too soon.

   Unlike boys within the city, Techno did keep his lingering kisses and more specific names for you behind the closed doors. Choosing to not show his gentle side to those outside his close circle. The truth was you were his weak spot. Yes Wilbur and Tommy were his brothers, but he knew Phil would lay his life to protect them. Techno knew he would lay his life to protect you.

   With the gentle tone of the music you were slowly being lulled into a ever so soft sleep. When your head rolled for a final time you were out.

   When you woke, you were back in techno's bed. Your hand lingered to his side, trying to feel for where your lover was. His side was empty but lingered warmth. With no trace of him you turned towards the bathroom door to see maybe if he had made a quick run. Instead he was looking at his mirror. Pulling his shirt up his arms. His back was on full display. Showing every lingering scar and muscle beneath his skin. When he moved his arms back, the muscles relaxed and tensed, Showing them pull against the white shirt. He must have caught your lingering gaze, because he spoke softly.

   "Good morning my dear..." your eyes flickered up to him as he turned to face you. He lazily walked over and sat on your side of the bed. With a careful hand he moved some of your hair away from your face. His fingers traced lightly down your cheek. "You fell asleep early last night... I figured you would have been more comfortable here..." you nodded slowly. Still trying to fight off the remints of sleep. "Your dress should be in your room..." the dress? You then remembered today was General Hawthorne's wedding. Per her request you were her maid of honor.

   Although you and Techno slept together, he still respected your privacy on dressing. Not only that, but what you didn't know, was that he purposefully never took anything too far for fear of rumors spreading about you. Seeing as the court would run with any sly rumor they could get there fingers on. The last thing he wanted, was to hear your name with 'Whore' or 'Prostitute' near it. If Techno choose to marry you in the future, he knew he would have to do his best to keep your name clean. Of course if you were Empress it wouldn't matter what they would say, either way your word would be law. But still, he wanted to make sure his Princesses name stayed out of other men's mouths'.

   "You should dress and go to Breakfast... I don't know when we will be eating next" you reached out and took his hand. Pulling it close to your chest. You wished nothing more than to cuddle down with him and lay the morning away in peace. He was warm, and you knew as soon as the covers were removed you would be cold again.

   Even with his hand to your chest he leaned down and smiled gently before giving you a sweet, gentle kiss. Since you were still a bit sleepy, the kiss was loose on your behalf. Techno didn't mind though. To him the thought behind it meant more. When he parted you slowly sat up, knowing it was time to start your day. You discarded his hand to rub at your face, trying to make yourself fully coherent. When you finished he gently took your hand into his.

   His sweet side was pushed away a moment for his concern to come through. "(y/n)... About tonight... Your going to meet some people from the court... You might think I'm overreacting.... But please, trust me on this... Make sure Phil, Wil, Sarah, or I is around when you speak to them..." your brows furrowed slightly as he rubbed your hand.

   "Why?..." you asked confused by this. You haven't herd much about the court besides them trying to set Sarah and Technoblade up together.

   Techno gave out a bit of a sigh. "They.. they have a way of backing people up into corners to make them say what they want. The last thing I want is them backing you into a corner. You may say one thing, and they will twist your words into something more. They live for scandals and power." With his hand moving to rest on your cheek, you leaned into it. Resting your hand on his so you could press a kiss to his palm.

   "I can handle myself love..." you said softly. Trying to put him at ease.

   "My love, you say that. But because you're so close to me... Because you sleep with me nightly... You will be there prime target..."

   With the vows having been exchanged at the church, the reception was held within the ballroom. Per Techno's request you stayed close to him. Next to the lovely brides, and the Royal family, you stuck out quite a lot.

   The buzz of the room danced between the talk of the general finally being married, and Technoblade having a pretty little thing on his arm. When Techno off hand mentioned you being a target, you didn't realize that this is what he meant. The lingering eye's, the longing stares, the pointing. It made you uncomfortable. Even with Techno holding your arm you felt small and confined.

   At the beginning you assumed the whole day would be about the brides. As it was their day. But even two hours into the reception, the glances and whispering continued. Soon it just became too much, you had to excuse yourself. Techno noticed your uncomfort, but sadly he couldn't leave. With a pleading look to Phil, he came over without hesitation.

   "What's the matter?" He asked, his brows furrowing slightly. He glanced from Techno to you. You went to say nothing, but Techno quickly intervened.

   "Could you take her for a walk for me?... She's highly uncomfortable and you know who, won't take their eyes off her" he said lowering his voice as to not perk the attention of lingering guests. Phil's eyes narrowed as he glanced around. His eyes meeting someone, but you couldn't see whom.

   "Oh great I didn't know that bastard was here" Phil seethed. Whoever they were talking about, they obviously had a high distaste for. "C'mon kiddo I'll take you out to the balcony" Phil said, offering his arm with a gentle smile to you. You nodded and changed off men. Fallowing Philza to wherever he would lead. Subconsciously you did keep close to his side. His wing hovering about you, offering almost a shield to wondering eyes.

   Once outside on the balcony Phil had sat by you on one of the stone benches. Giving you some space incase you were not in the mood for general contact. "Too much at once?" He asked softly. You nodded slowly.

   "Techno mentioned I would be a topic... But I thought they would focus more on the brides.." Phil took a chance and rubbed your back reassuringly like your father would have.

   "Sadly with you being Techno's plus one... You are a big topic" you looked up to Phil with a bit of confusion on why.

   "Why?... isn't he allowed a date?" Phil nodded and ran a hand over his hair and down to rub at his neck.

   "Oh he is. But tha' thing is Techno hasn't ever taken interest in anyone really. For every girl he was set up with he would just ignore them until they begged their fathers to reconsider. This is the first time the public, and the Court has seen Techno interact willingly with a woman." You were a bit surprised. Techno always struck you as having past relationships and having a bit of experience under his belt. But it appears you are his up to date experience. Phil slowly started again. "The Court is eager to see how your relationship with Techno evolves. And sadly my dear, your now in the spotlight by quite a bit. If you don't work out for Techno, they will be looking to set you up with someone else. They way they view it, is if you could woo the stoic Emperor, your either sexually involved with him or are just genuinely interesting." He paused to look down at you. "Techno, Wil and I know that your just a genuinely, interesting gal' with a kind heart. But the public doesn't" you pondered on Phil's words carefully.

   "So as long as I'm with Techno I’ll be watched?..." you asked slowly. Wanting to make sure you herd his words correct.

   Phil nodded. "Watched, judged, you will become a popular topic. They will critique you until you marry him or until you fall apart." The idea of being bad-mouthed by others left you a bit saddened. "If you become Empress, they will be forced to shut their mouths'. Disloyalty to the royal family within the court is punishable by death. However, say you part off in the end better as friends, they will double their insults, or maybe lessen them as they try to set you up with others." You took a longing breath. If this is what Techno faces on the daily, you could see why he was always drained. "Luckily in your position, you have control over your fate. They cannot talk and bribe your family into marriage like the court normally does." You looked up to Phil.

   "Why is it like this?... Its wrong..." Phil gave a rough sigh. Rubbing his neck.

   "I.. I genuinely don't know (y/n)... Neither does Technoblade... Even when I was king it was like this..." the silence lingered for a bit before Phil added on a bit. "The Empire is forever growing, but its also severely flawed" you spotted Techno within the room, talking to Sarah. She laughed joyfully, as she should on the beautiful day. "Techno and I have been working with General Hawthorne to try and straighten out this mess for years. Sadly we haven't found anything yet..."

With a spurt of unknown confidence your tone changed. No longer saddened and hesitant.

"I know Technoblade will fix it. Or, he will be the one to destroy it all."

@goldensunshineshit @snobunns @olyink @lolitsellieletsgobro @jackalopedoodles @angelic-scent @coolleviauchihadreamerlove @artsimatsu @justabalroginthenet @seme1e @fangirl570 @sweeetteaa @awlawdtheycoming @idkwhatusernametohave @sugarandspicebutnonice @bambibunz @lynn-draws-blog @buzzybeebee @feathersthewinged @prefesro @astroninaaa @ravennightingaleandavatempus @lifestylesleep @straydog265 @happygalaxymilkshake @vixenfoxpup @truthdaze @alovestruck-fool @justthatfangirloverthere @itscaity-c

#technoblade x reader #technoblade x you #techno x reader #techno x you #TE

[sepublic]

Happy Birthday to The Owl House!

           Honestly, I’m… REALLY shocked to think back on how it’s been a year? It’s been a full, actual year, since that first episode?

           I remember when The Owl House was first announced around early 2018. Something about it, the premise, the characters from that one poster we got; It really drew me in, and I kept track of the show’s progress in eager anticipation. Whenever Dana released art of Luz, Eda, and King, I was ecstatic- And when the show was delayed to 2020, I was dismayed.

           Then we got our teaser trailer; The opening them, the end credits, even a little sneak peek! I remember speculating a lot about Luz and all of the other new characters we were introduced to, such as Willow, Amity, and Gus- And then we got more and more trailers in the days leading up to the show. I wondered about Luz’s home back on Earth and where her family was, I listened intently to the Hooty and the Parliament music video, finding an almost melancholic, weirdly nostalgic (despite having never watched the show yet) vibe to it- Whilst also avoiding looking at the screen and seeing all of the various clips it offered, because I wanted to be surprised! It was two years of anticipation, two years of wait for this show- I’d never looked forward to a series before like this, last I can recall… So having this content FINALLY come out, seeing these characters in animation, hearing their wonderful voices! My soul was vibing, it was time, it was coming after all this time…!

          Eventually I finished Infinity Train Book 2, the same day that The Owl House premiered… I was blindsided when I woke up to the first episode’s release online, in full- I was already planning to wait until later to watch it on television, so having it permanently accessible from the internet was such a pleasant surprise! And the show… The show, man- That premiere caught me off-guard with how much I enjoyed it! I knew I was looking forward to this show, but still…! It blew away my expectations, and even now, has continued to; It was like my personal investment and attention had paid off so patiently well! I even got a DisneyNOW subscription so I could watch each new episode ASAP, the day it premiered, hours before it aired on television!

           I remember scouring Tumblr before the show officially premiered, and there was understandably very little- A few pieces of fanart here or there. And when the show DID premiere, for a while there wasn’t really much of a fandom- There was barely anyone, in fact! But I can remember a few notable blogs who have been around since the beginning… Me, I got invested into this show. I found myself really enjoying Lumity as a ship, especially since I resonated with both characters in it; Luz was such a ball of sunshine that brightened my day, and Amity really spoke to me with her more introverted, top-scoring personality. When the show hit its mid-season hiatus, I remember not handling it too well, as I got impatient and frantic in my speculations- I wanted so badly to learn more about these characters, see what happened- Get a look at Emperor Belos (then known as Bellows by the fandom), etc.

          I wrote my Bile Coven piece in preparation for Halloween, even got to know a mutual or two over shared theorizing! I kept track of Dana’s updates, and even had people come to my blog, of all places, to send asks! It was and still has been such an engaging part of fandom for me… I recall impatiently waiting for the Owl Pellet shorts and freaking out over them- And when Adventures in the Elements leaked early? I LOST MY MIND, I remember postponing something I was supposed to go to, just so I could watch the episode- And it was so good! Then I started wondering and hoping the rest of Season 1 would come out, and well- It took a while…

          And when Season 1B’s trailer came out, I was all over it; Scouring every possible frame, freaking out over the Grom screenshot, and appreciating the influx of new fans! It was amazing to watch The Owl House go from a relatively minor and obscure fandom, to becoming so much more mainstream and populous! I got into Rebecca Rose’s channel, I began writing more meta and posts about the show, as well as little recaps for each new episode. I feel like my blog really took off from here, as I got to interact with more and more people who shared this mutual love of The Owl House, and I was so ecstatic to see more content and buzz about it!

           My mind was solely focused on The Owl House, it was one of my huge hyperfixations, even moreso than during Season 1A’s run- I remember being anxious about Enchanting Grom Fright, wondering if we’d get queerbaited… But NO, Amity was in love with Luz! She canonically had a crush on her, a girl in love with another girl- And I loved it because Lumity was a special comfort ship of mine! Then Amity was confirmed lesbian… It was amazing! And I found myself SO invested, so inspired by the show and its characters, and all of the little allusions to things, the foreshadowing, the moments here or there that made so much more sense after a new episode.

           This show inspired me creatively- It got me to write some of my personal favorite fanfics, and I was and still am so touched by whatever feedback I get from them! The Owl House really got me to write, to obsess over characters and analyze them, to look at motifs, to think about worldbuilding… It’s been such an artistically enriching experience, both the show and the fandom! I remember despairing so terribly when Agony of a Witch came out, the genuine betrayal I had when Lilith revealed the truth- Because I’d been legitimately endeared to her character beforehand, even formed a sort of ‘trust’ in a sense… And like many others, I agonizingly anticipated the season finale, the much-needed emotional reconciliation!

           I remember how the episode titles were revealed, bit by bit, and how I and others speculated on what they’d spell out! I remember when the fandom obsessed over the Witch’s Apprentice game and its relics, for clues and new lore after each episode, the little hints here or there! I was freaked out by characters like Belos, who lived up to my hopes and expectations- First being alluded to by name, then his amazing appearance… And then his voice and mannerisms and everything about him! And when the Season Finale came out…

           Well, there was relief. But there was a bittersweet emptiness- That it was over! The first season was over! There was a celebratory triumph, of course- We finally wrapped up the first, major arc of the show, the first batch of episodes that had been worked upon, the whole thing now unveiled and appreciated! But I was a little dismayed because a part of me KNEW a hiatus much longer than the previous one was ahead of me, and I did not handle the mid-season hiatus well. Of course, then Dana had her Reddit AMA, and the charity livestream; Both of which NOURISHED me creatively, and have helped to fill out the wait! To carry out my momentum, to not flounder about in hiatus; I invested myself into more meta, into various posts, etc. I read fanfiction that genuinely floored me, obsessed over fanart, etc.

           I supported the show’s release on Disney Plus, ecstatic to get this kind of ready access. I revisited past episodes and characters, looking at them in a new light, appreciating things; Like Luz’s relationship with fantasy… King’s surprising development, all of Eda’s little hints and clues. There’s been an emotional catharsis with these characters for me- And I genuinely feel like I’ve been a lot happier lately because of this show! I’ve met so many other blogs and gotten to know them, seen their ideas and displayed mine as we appreciated one another… I even remember doing another blog’s fanart prompt prior to the show’s release, in preparation!

           I feel like The Owl House has genuinely given me a new appreciation for meta, for fandom and analysis… For headcanons, for writing my own stories and contributing my own ideas and speculations, etc.! It’s contributed SO much joy to me as a hyperfixation, and rapidly risen through my blog as my most frequent tag! And even as I explore other fandoms and hyperfixations, both then and now, especially to pass on this crippling hiatus… This show holds a VERY special place in my heart for me. It’s really made me feel for these characters, the love and sadness, the excitement and sense of comfort… Its love and emotions, angst and found family, lore and speculation, it hits so hard to me in a way that other media hasn’t!

           It’s provided representation- Such as canonically queer characters, or protagonists who speak so well to the neurodivergent experience for many people! I’ve had delight in seeing people suggest Amity as autistic, when before Season 1B, I lowkey headcanoned and saw her as such- So seeing more evidence for this resonated deeply in my heart! I remember all of the discussion about King as a character, the confusion and talk about whether or not he WAS a King of Demons, when that first announcement in 2018 had made a similar claim… I looked forward to Eda and Lilith’s relationship, speculated on who cursed Eda, and remembered when I’d considered the Blights as a potential culprit! I remember thinking about Hooty, wondering what his deal is- And thinking then and now about that Owl Deity mural in the Owl House! Watching Luz’s development as a character and as a witch, seeing her become more proficient with magic until it finally pays off with her squaring up against Belos, and wounding him- I’d never felt so proud of a character and their progress before!

           There’s still so many more questions and mystery, lore… as well as just genuine character interactions, to look forward to! I think The Owl House is one of my favorite shows of all time… It’s deeply touched me as a person and creator, and I genuinely strive to create something even close to this one day. This show has inspired me, made me laugh and cry, compelled me to creatively make content; It’s introduced me to a wider fandom that I genuinely feel like a part of, had me meet other mutuals… It really is something special to me. And while I am eager for Season 2, I also want to appreciate what Dana Terrace and her crew have already established. I love this show’s art style and animation, the designs and overall weirdness of its characters- I love speculating and thinking about them, getting more and more details, and so forth.

           If it’s for a better product, I’m fine waiting for Season 2. And honestly, I love what we already have, and I’ve done a lot with so many people. I’ve even looked over supplementary materials and stuff posted by the crew or news articles, in my need for content… And I love every bit of update, art, and/or acknowledgement of the show’s hiatus, and Season 2’s development! There’s so much to look forward to… And there’s so much that I’ve enjoyed, after plenty of anticipation!

           Thank you @danaterrace, and everyone who worked on this- For everything. It really is crazy to reflect on this entire year, to realize it’s been a full year since that first episode, since that first premiere that lit up my world like Luz’s light spells; And it feels like such a milestone that we’ve reached! I look forward to what comes next, and I also intend to keep appreciating and cherishing what we’ve already gotten. Here’s to this show’s second year, people- It’s been such a journey to look back on and remember each step, each phase, each particular moment and stage… And I can only imagine what will come next! This show has SUCH a special place in my heart, and has made me feel in so many ways I haven’t before!

           Happy Birthday, The Owl House! You’ve earned it!

#the owl house #toh #owl house #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house king #lumity #happy birthday #dana terrace #ramblings #nostalgia #meta

[minghaocouture]

Pairing: Lee Jihoon x Fem!Reader Genre: Collage AU, Fluff, the tiniest angst Warning: Minor self esteem issues (from reader), Language WC: 2.9K

A/N: @woozisnoots​​ my sweetie baby! This is your Holiday gift from me!! I wub yoooou and i hope you like this <333 The song mentioned in the fic is Tell me you love me by Bolbbalgan4 and i actually just kept listening to it on repeat while writing this lol, it’s such a cute song, and all the italic words are song lyrics (the english translations)! Also yes i shamelessly name dropped our friend group in this, don’t judge me

“You don’t accept my hi as usual I know you’re popular and handsome  but you’ve always given the cold shoulder Only to me.” 

The lyrics flowed easily from your lips and into the microphone, eyes closed as you felt the vibes of the chorus and attempted to put the right layers of emotion into the song as you did so. The instrumental paused just as the chorus ended you heard the familiar sound of your partner through the headphones.

“Can you run that one more time. Hold that last note a bit longer, and make the staccato in the first beginning a bit sharper.” On the other side of the glass sat Lee Jihoon, and the brains behind the operation despite this being a partnered project. At the beginning of this, you never would have thought that the two of you would have been working together so well. Not with how the project began. 

You gave him an affirmation of your understanding and he began from the end of the pre-chorus, letting the melody and his test vocals fill your ears just before you began again.

When you had first been assigned partners, you were less than enthused. Sure, you had a major crush on Jihoon, his passion for music inspired you and you always loved watching him in class when he would perform. But, he was notoriously a rather critical partner. During the last partnered project in class a close friend of yours, Binu, had been assigned to work with him. She ended up confessing that she didn’t really get too much of a say on anything and that Jihoon did the project mostly by himself. Needless to say, she was much happier with this project being partnered with your mutual friend Mar. 

The recording session wrapped up nicely and you began packing your things as you realized how late it was in the evening and your friends would start to get concerned if they didn’t hear back from you. So you pulled your phone from your bag and quickly messaged your group chat to let them know the situation. As you went to place your bag over your shoulder you heard the familiar sound of a stomach growling.

Your eyes quickly scanned the room and watched Jihoon sigh and sit back down at the recording booth, his laptop still open but he didn’t look like he had any intention of leaving to get sustenance. Much to your own surprise you decided to speak up.

“Hey, I was planning on grabbing some dinner. Did...you wanna come too? We’ve been here for a while and we could probably use some food.” You suggested, an inviting smile plastered itself onto your face. You hoped it didn’t seem fake, after all you had invited Jihoon to eat before and he had always denied the offer. 

Much like all previous times, you saw his rather small head shake in denial.

“Nah, I’ve got some stuff to finish up here. I’ll probably grab something before heading back to my dorms...or maybe I’ll ask Mingyu to pick me up some dinner.” You’d heard about Mingyu before, his roommate who he says he tolerates but you can tell that he does really care about the guy from how he talks about it. 

Most people say that Jihoon is hard to read and closed off, but you know they’re wrong. He just...emotes differently, he has his own ways of showing affection and you can see it in his eyes and the little things he does and says. Being around him like this has honestly only made your crush worse. 

“Well, alright, but you better eat something and go home tonight. I don’t wanna come back here tomorrow and see you in this same outfit cause you haven’t gone home.” Which...had happened on more than one occasion during this project.

He shrugged, not turning back to face you.

“I brought extra clothes this time.”

***

“Seriously? I can’t believe he said no again! Ugh, I hate him and you deserve better than to pine after that short stack!” Rolling your eyes as you listened to Krys ranting once again. 

Since Jihoon refuted your invitation you decided to invite out your best friends. The 5 of you heading to a nearby fried chicken place, crowding into the booth that your friend group had basically claimed (when it was available at least) 

“It’s fine Krys, he’s just really into his work. He’s probably going to be in the studio editing until all hours of the morning.” You explained before shoving some of the complimentary salad into your mouth as you took a break from the chicken itself. “I might even take him some food before I head back to the dorms.”

“Nu-uh! I’m not letting you! That boy doesn’t even talk to you outside of class, he doesn’t deserve your time or your energy!” Krys exclaimed.

“I mean, he kinda does. Talk to her, I mean he waved at her last week.” Maya brought up in between her unsuccessful attempts at stealing the rest of the table’s pickled radish. “We were walking to the lounge and she saw him and waved at him, and he finally waved back.”

“Oh what, after ignoring her for a whole semester? Real nice of him. My best friend deserves better!” She declared, aggressively taking another bite of her chicken before continuing. “If I weren’t already dating the best man in the whole world, I would just date you myself.”

This brought the rest of the table another fit of laughter. It was never a dull moment in your friend group and you were always grateful that you had them in your life. 

“This just in, Krys won’t leave big dick Wonwoo so her best friend can have a good relationship.” Mar joked, cackling at the thought. The laughter seemed to get worse when she realized that Wonwoo himself had just walked up to the table to set down a drink refill for Binu. The male’s face was flushed red, obviously having heard the conversation. Which prompted another round of joyful laughter from the group.

It was a good night, but your mind still drifted back to Jihoon, who was most likely still sitting alone in the studio, hungry yet still hard at work. As the conversation drifted away from you finally, you got Wonwoo’s attention and ordered a small meal for take out with a plan to deliver the food before returning home. Even if Krys would give you shit for it.

***

“Jihoon, it’s me” You knocked on the studio door as you entered, assuming you wouldn’t be interrupting anything since you saw the light on but heard now sounds from inside. Surprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly, you got no response as you entered. Simply making your way in despite any acknowledgement.

The more surprising thing was what you found once you entered. There, still sitting in the rolly chair with his head firmly planted on the desk in front of his work laptop was Lee Jihoon. Fast asleep, small snores leaving his frame as he dreamed. It would honestly be pretty cute if it weren’t for the fact that you knew this was probably happening because of how much he overworked himself. 

You let out a small sigh, placing the bag on the small coffee table in the room (you didn’t want to set it on the desk with all the equipment) and grabbed his jacket that he had tossed onto the nearby sofa before draping it over his shoulders. You couldn’t really do much more for him without lifting the male up and transferring him to the couch, and you were pretty sure he would wake up if you even attempted that. 

“Night Jihoon.” With that final goodbye you exited the room and returned back to your dorm to get some homework done for a few of your other classes.

It was about 2:30 the next morning when your phone vibrated, indicating a message. Sparing a glance to the device you read the familiar name ‘Lee Jihoon’ as the sender. The message was no more than a simple “Thank you.” but that was good enough for you.

***

As you expected, even being the harmony vocals for the song Jihoon’s talent far outshined your main vocals. You weren’t upset or anything, but you were definitely starting to regret letting him talk you into the main vocal position for this project. You didn’t even really have any commentary to or feedback to give him. His voice fit the song perfectly and you could feel the emotion in his words as he sang. 

When he exited the booth and took a seat on the sofa to take a break you spoke up.

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be the one leading the song?” You questioned, head tilted to the side a bit as you watched him gulp down a bottle of water. Your words took him off guard and he fixed you with a rather confused look, so you continued. “I mean, you have such a great voice and I really think you capture the emotion in the song better than I do. So like…”

“What are you talking about?” He cut off your ramblings before you could continue, his eyes staring intently into your own. “You have an amazing voice, I’m literally blown away anytime you step into the booth. It’s part of the reason I was glad we got partnered for this project.”

It was almost as if your brain had short circuited, you didn’t know what to say. He had never spoken about your singing like that before, much less admit that he was...glad you were his partner. A part of you worried that he was lying just to spare your feelings, but the logical part knew that Jihoon wasn’t someone who would waste the energy to do that. 

“Let me put it this way,” he began again. “If I didn’t think you were doing a good job, if i thought your vocals would get us points docked off, then I wouldn’t have let you sing the Main. Got it?” His gaze seemed to pierce right to your very soul and you couldn’t find it in yourself to argue back and decided to just take his word for it. So you simply nodded a response.

It seemed that Jihoon wasn’t done surprising you tonight, as a smile so tender made its way onto his face. Your heart skipped a beat as you looked into his eyes, you could feel the heat rushing to your face and you prayed that he couldn’t hear the loud throbbing of your heart as he watched you. 

The moment was soon broken by the loud blaring of a familiar pop song, Jihoon’s face dropping at the sound. He quickly grabbed his phone off of the coffee table and put it up to his ear. You decided to be polite and at least try not to listen in, pulling out your own phone and messaging the group chat to see what was up.

“What do you want, Mingyu?” He began, definitely sounding more irritated than before he had taken the call. You couldn’t hear the voice on the other end but from the gumbling that left Jihoon’s lips you wouldn’t have been surprised if his roommate was pushing his buttons for whatever reason.

“No. I’m not and you need to stop asking. I’m working right now.” He paused for a moment, his voice lowering to almost a whisper as if that would make you unable to hear him. “Yes, she’s here too, so stop asking. Mingy-” He groaned as the male on the other end seemed to cut him off, you weren’t too sure with what but now you could vaguely hear the loud voice of his roommate on the line and couldn’t help laughing softly. The sound causing Jihoon’s eyes to flicker over to you, causing your heart to skip a beat as you quickly tried to make it seem like you were just laughing at something on your phone. 

“Shut it. We’ll talk when I get home...yes i’m coming back tonight!” With an irritated sigh, Jihoon ended the call. You weren’t sure he gave Mingyu any time to give a farewell but if you were being honest the conversation had been pretty amusing. 

Setting his phone down on the couch, Jihoon let out a sigh and ran a hand through his thick black locks. A silence falling over the two of you as you typed away on your phone, trying not to make eye contact again. You were so engrossed with your act you didn’t even hear when Jihoon stood from the couch and made his way over to the chair you were currently occupying. 

“Before we call it, could you re-record from the bridge to the end. When I was editing it last night there was some feedback so I wanted to get a better recording.”

“Oh, um yeah sure!” You weren’t sure why he hadn’t mentioned that before, and you didn’t recall hearing any feedback from your vocals when he was recording. But still, you took him at his word and entered the small recording booth once again. 

“I’ll start from just before the bridge.” He said over the speakers once your headphones were pulled snuggly over your ears. You cleared your throat and took a deep breath before nodding and signaling him to start.

“I really like you a lot But do you think we can’t be together? I feel small in my school uniform skirt Looking big on me, Yeah The tall, pretty girls are all around you.  Oh whoa~”

Getting through the bridge you poured your emotions into it. Thinking about your feelings for Jihoon and the longing for him to feel the same for you. Honestly, through this whole process the song the two of you had written was so...cathartic for you. Expressing things you never verbalized, how despite your attempts Jihoon never really spoke to you outside of class but he always seemed so kind when you were working. Or how, because of his looks and his talent he seemed to be surrounded by girls who thought he was wonderful. 

“If you like me, or you love me Just say yes, yes, yes And then I’m your girlfriend And your my boyfriend Tell me you like me.”

The last few chords streamed through your headphones and a silence fell over the room. Just as you were about to take the headphones off you heard a voice come through, the familiar voice of your partner and crush.

“I like you...a lot.” 

You froze like a deer in headlights, almost positive that you had misheard him. Eyes quickly landing on him, watching him through the glass. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but through the tint you could see the soft pink dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears as his eyes stared down at the desk.

“Don’t say anything. I just...wanted to let you know. The reason I didn’t want to sing the main vocals is because I was worried you would be able to tell.” He continued, eyes still not lifting from the table to meet your gaze. “All of the lyrics I added were about you. I just...changed the pronouns.” 

It was unbelievable to think that Lee Jihoon could possibly love you back. He was too...wonderful, and the fact that the both of you had used this song to express those feelings was almost unreal. 

Thinking back on it, on all the interactions you had attempted to have with him outside of class. You realized that he wasn’t ignoring you, his eyes had always met your own but he was just uncertain.  He had lacked the confidence to speak to you despite your obvious interest in him. It made your pinning seem silly now. 

You still honored his wishes and said nothing, simply taking the headphones off and draping them onto the music stand before exiting the booth. Stopping right next to the object of your affections.

“Jihoon, look at me? Please?” Hesitantly, his gaze turned to you and he looked flustered, more flustered than you had ever seen him. “I like you too, a whole lot.” 

Your words had his eyes lighting up, a look of disbelief crossing his face as you continued.

“Could I...would it be alright if I kiss you?” Before today, you had only ever imagined kissing Jihoon. What it would be like had been nothing more than a small fantasy that you thought about, but seeing him nod looking away still flustered, it almost seemed to good to be anything more than a dream. 

Hesitantly, you reached out a hand to caress his cheek, your heart speeding up as he lifted a hand to press over your own. When your lips met, it was like the stars had aligned. 

It wasn’t a perfect kiss, it was shy and soft but the emotion you felt simply from his lips pressing back against your own was enough to cause your heart to soar. It was like two puzzle pieces finding one another how well his lips felt against your own. You decided in that moment that he would get to hear everyday how much you absolutely loved him, he would never need to ask or hesitate again. Cause that’s what kind of love you wanted to give him, and all you needed to do was say it. 

#caratwritersclub #kdiarynet #kdiner #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen scenario #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt scenario #woozi x reader #woozi imagine #woozi scenario #jihoon x reader #jihoon imagine #jihoon scenario

[hockeylvr59]

Secret Love Part 7 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Sweet man got an apple yesterday and I’m hoping he hits the scoresheet again today. Also I am still DEAD from the photos the avs dropped on us the other day and they are majorly feeding some thoughts... Hopefully, I redeem myself from the cliffhanger with this part. I managed to finish part 8 last night so I plan on starting on part 9 as soon as I actually get some of the things on my to do list done with school starting again this week. (Updates may get slower so just forewarning you about that.) But uh...enjoy and let me know what you think. 

Warnings: smut, cursing.

Word Count: 3,566

~~~~~

You hadn’t even made it two steps before Cale’s hand caught your wrist, gently pulling you back to him. For a moment his expression seemed panicked, but then it softened considerably, a smile breaking onto his face as flickers of awe appeared in his eyes. You watched as he opened his mouth to speak twice, quickly shutting it each time before he finally hummed in content. 

“Is it my baby?” He questioned. “The one you imagine sleeping in there? Are they my kids running around the basement, skating in the backyard?” Though you hesitated, unsure of what answer he wanted to hear, your face must have given you away because Cale’s smile grew, his cheeks flushing.  “You bought this house because you can see our life together here? You couldn’t wait to show me, could you? Hoping that I’d love it as much as you do?” Ducking his head, Cale pressed his lips to yours, easing them together gently. 

“You’re incredible.” He spoke, his breath fanning against your lips. “Would you relax?” He requested. “I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was so self-assured that you couldn’t help but take comfort in it. Kissing you again, Cale moved you over to your living room couch where he sat, pulling you halfway onto his lap.

 “Should we talk about this?” He suggested. “We didn’t want to define this before but I think maybe we should now.” He continued. You’d failed to define things on purpose, not wanting to pressure Cale into anything considering the toxic relationship he’d gotten out of just before your feelings had been revealed. But it had been a few months and if Cale was ready for that step then you needed to hear him out. 

“What do you want?” You whispered, rubbing over your arm as a chill coursed through your body. 

“I want you.” Cale declared. “I want to get to know who you are as more than just my friend. I want to continue to explore this chemistry we have.” Gently his fingers brushed over your thigh, making you shiver for another reason entirely. “I care about you Y/N...and I think I could feel even stronger if given the chance.” 

“So...this is…?” You prompted not wanting to assume anything. Shaking his head, Cale smiled before inching his fingers higher on your thigh. 

“Us dating, an exclusive and serious relationship, you being my girlfriend...take your pick.” Cale grinned. 

“All of the above.” You breathed, almost amazed at how relaxed and sure he seemed about this. It shouldn’t have surprised you but for some reason it did. 

“I like the sound of that.” Cale mused. “But uh...can we keep this between us just for a little while. You know mom will go crazy and…”

“You want to be sure there’s something for her to go crazy over.” You finished. 

“That wasn’t what I was going to say,” Cale said, shaking his head. “That’s already true and I don’t see it changing.” Your heart jumped at his words because indirectly he was saying that this was something he was in for the long haul. Again, you probably could have gathered that from his awed reaction to the two of you having kids together someday, but for some reason, this phrasing was what really hit you hard. “I was going to say that I just want to enjoy this just the two of us for a while before I get looks every time I tell her I’m coming over here.” 

So he wanted to be selfish for a little while, you were totally okay with that. To be honest, you weren’t really looking forward to sharing this with the world just yet either. Still, you had to tease him just a little. 

“You just want the thrill of sneaking around like we’re teenagers again…” You razzed him. Though his cheeks flushed, he didn’t deny it, just shrugging his shoulders in response. 

“Problem?” He asked, his fingers settling at the base of your skull to pull you closer. 

“Nope.” You admitted, closing the distance between the two of you to kiss him again. The feeling of his mouth on yours was becoming addictive, but you didn’t want it any other way. 

By the time you finally pulled away to breathe, you felt calm. Now that the air was clear it seemed like some of the urgency that had lingered in you since his arrival disappeared. It wasn’t that you didn’t still feel needy for his touch, because you did, rather, now you felt secure in the fact that he was yours and so just being held by him was enough. 

“So uh your dad set my tv up for me. I don’t have internet yet but we could watch a movie or tv show on DVD if you want?” You whispered. When Cale nodded, you shifted to let him off the couch before pointing at the box you were certain contained all of your movies. You couldn’t help but admire Cale from behind as he dug through the box, finally making a selection. As you turned the tv on, you watched him pop it in the DVD player before turning to return to you. Suddenly he changed direction, moving over to his bags, and you perched yourself up on the couch, curious as to what had caused the path change. His hand was behind his back when he appeared in front of you again and he wore a sheepish smile. 

“I uh...I brought you something…I forgot about it until just now.” He explained, moving his hand to pass you the object. It was a photo frame and when you turned it over you gasped. Inside was a picture of the two of you from the night at the bar with the Avs. Cale was talking to someone, eyes bright and that lazy drunk grin on his face. You, on the other hand, were just resting against his shoulder like there was no place you’d rather be than tucked into his side. It was a cute picture and you immediately moved to place it on the fireplace mantle. “Lauren sent it to me and I thought it might make you smile.” Cale murmured. 

“It’s perfect.” You assured him, slipping your arms around his waist as you leaned in for a soft kiss. “Now what movie did you pick?” You inquired, the two of you settling back down to cuddle on the couch. A glance at the screen revealed the title screen for The Princess Bride and you giggled totally satisfied with his choice. 

Cuddling on the couch with your head on Cale’s chest was your new favorite way to spend an evening. You quoted parts of the movie to each other, Cale making you giggle each time. At one point he murmured against your head and when you couldn’t make out the words you pulled back just enough to look at him. 

“What was that?” You inquired. Cale looked at you like he didn’t expect to be caught and he shook his head as if to say it was nothing. For a moment you were prepared to let it go, but after how much Cale had prodded you to be open with him all evening, you felt you deserved the same. “Talk to me, Cale.” You nudged gently. His cheeks started turning pink again and you brushed your thumb over one of them, trying to reassure him. 

“I said I hope our kids get your giggle.” He eventually caved and admitted. 

“Oh.” You breathed, that not being what you expected at all. Cale opened his mouth again and you shook your head. “You don’t have to explain yourself Cale, you’re allowed to think those things. But if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. I mean...I know you’re probably not ready to be seriously thinking about having kids and that’s okay, I’m not going to rush you, I know we’re at different stages…” Not realizing you’d started to ramble, you were shocked to be cut off by Cale’s mouth against yours. 

After kissing you, Cale leaned back against the couch and his eyes focused on the movie once more. You figured he wanted to drop the subject, so you complied, laying your head back down against him. 

“I’ve uh...I’ve had a lot of time to process what happened with Sara…” Cale eventually whispered. “And god I was terrified when she told me she was pregnant. But I don’t think that fear was at the thought of having a baby...it was the fear of having a baby with her.” You didn’t know what to do with that statement and you hoped Cale had more that he wanted to say. “Like I suspected she was cheating. I knew our relationship wasn’t good anymore. Having a baby in that situation would have just been a mess…” 

Cale paused to laugh at the scene on the screen in front of you but after a moment you felt him press a kiss to the top of your head. “But uh...I don’t think I’d be so scared if the situation was right…” That seemed to be all that Cale had to say and you nodded against him, his words lingering in your head. You had no idea what he meant by the ‘situation being right’ but it certainly felt like he was implying that he was open to kids with you at some point in the semi-distant future. 

Deciding that worrying about kids right now was just an exercise in insanity, you shifted your focus back to the movie and the man whose body you were snuggled into. This was new and good and you were going to enjoy it. You had Cale for the summer and you planned to make the most of that time with him. There were so many things left to discover about each other and so many experiences to share. It had been a long time since you were in a relationship and though this wasn’t anything like your previous relationships, you were going to take your time getting to know Cale in all of these new ways. 

When the credits finally started rolling across the screen you glanced up again to find Cale’s eyes on you. You weren’t sure how long he’d been staring, but you poked his side as a contented smile settled onto your face. 

“What are you thinking?” You teased, your eyebrows raised. 

“That you’re beautiful.” He said softly. “And that I can’t wait to spend the summer with you.” His thumb brushed against your cheek as he brushed a stray strand of hair from your face. “But also that I just want to take you to bed.” He finished, desire flickering in his eyes. 

“Lead the way.” You murmured, turning the tv off as Cale stood up. 

When the two of you reached the bedroom, Cale sat on the edge of the bed pulling you between his muscular thighs. With his hands on your hips, you watched as he pressed his head into your stomach for a minute before pulling back. 

“Can we take our time tonight?” He requested, his touch featherlight as his thumbs grazed your sides. 

“Of course, handsome.” You agreed, your fingers shifting to tangle in his hair. He didn’t react right away but after a moment his fingers slipped under your tank, slowly inching the fabric up your body. His mouth followed his hands, pressing kisses to your stomach, your ribs, and up along your sternum. Your breath hitched as first your tank and then your bra hit the floor for the second time today. 

“God I can’t get over how perfect you are.” Cale praised, a soft but wicked gleam present as he gazed at you. “And don’t tell me you’re not because you are.” Taking compliments had always been something you struggled with and Cale clearly knew it. The words of denial on your lips were quickly forgotten, however, when Cale lifted you, gently laying you back against the mattress. 

The way he was exploring your body was reverent and as much as you needed more, you were basking under his attention. There wasn’t a divet or curve Cale left unexplored. He hadn’t even touched you anywhere good yet but already you were aching for him. When his mouth latched onto one of your breasts, his teeth lightly scraping against your nipple, you were certain he could make you cum doing only that. Your body arched into him, your hands scraping against his lower back under his shirt until he pulled back to shed the offending fabric from his torso. 

“Look at you.” He mumbled, pressing himself against you, his lips seeking out yours again. “So beautiful. All mine.” 

“Yessss…” The whine left your throat as you attempted to thread your fingers under the waistband of his shorts. 

“Uh uh.” He immediately chastised, his hand quickly grasping both of yours, pinning them to the bed above your head. “Not yet.” He warned, his voice and the small act of domination making you shiver beneath him. His fingers showed off his dexterity as he undid the button on your shorts. “Keep them there.” He warned again, letting go of your wrists for just a moment while he worked your shorts and panties off of your body. Too absorbed in what he was going to do next, you left your hands where he’d placed them. As he hovered over you once more, his knee parting your thighs, you felt his mouth nip along your neck before he kissed you again. 

“Good girl.” He praised, “Guess I should reward you for being so good for me.” He mused, mischief crossing his expression before settling in his eyes. You felt his hand slip down your side before grazing along your thigh. Finally, his thumb bumped against your clit and you couldn’t help but moan when your skin sparked under his touch. “You’re so wet…” Cale breathed, his voice softening. 

“Cale…” You whimpered, your hips attempting to arch into his hand as much as you could while being held in place by his solid body. Leveraging you back down with his body, Cale slipped first one thick finger and then a second into your core. “Oh fuck.” You cursed as Cale curled his fingers just right, making your entire body hot. He continued to spread you apart, his actions slow and deliberate as the knot in your stomach started to tighten. 

If he was this good with his fingers and that good with his dick, you could only imagine what having his mouth on you would feel like when you finally reached that point. “Holy shit Cale right…” A choked gasp interrupted your sentence as Cale’s fingers scissored inside of you. As he curled them against your inner walls again, you felt your body snap and you cried out as your orgasm crashed over you. As your body finally drifted back down to reality you realized Cale was sitting back on his knees, licking his fingers clean of your juices. 

“You taste sweet.” Cale declared and for a moment all you could do was laugh. Cale eyed you, probably thinking you were crazy as you sat up to kiss him. Everything about this was surreal and in a way overwhelming. “Y/N?” Cale inquired, his forehead resting against yours. 

“I’m good.” You assured him, your hands settling at his hips. “You just keep surprising me that’s all.” 

“Mmm...is that right?” Cale breathed, his fingers trailing down your back. 

“It is.” You grinned. “Believe it or not, I tried not to think about your sex life so all of this is new to me.” With his attention focused on your words, you were able to slide your fingers under the waistband of his shorts, your hands sliding down to cup the globes of his ass. “You’ve got a bit of a kinky side under the boy next door exterior.” You teased. 

“You aren’t as innocent as you appear either,” Cale smirked, his hips rolling back into your hands. 

“I never claimed to be.” You chirped, pushing at his shorts and boxer briefs wanting him free from the rest of his clothes. “Now are you going to fuck me?” You inquired, your neediness slipping back into your tone. 

“Nope.” Cale’s response threw you, especially when he helped you slide his clothing off before leaning over to where he’d stashed the box of condoms earlier. “Lay back sunshine. Let me take care of you.” He guided you to lay back against the pillows, settling his body over you. As he rolled the condom into place, Cale lifted your leg to drape over his hip and then gently and slowly pressed into you. It had only been a few hours since he’d last been inside you, but you’d missed the feeling of fullness that settled in your bones when you were connected like this. 

With arms pressed to either side of your head to hold him above you, Cale rolled his hips, creating just the slightest bit of friction. It was slow and felt beyond intimate and suddenly you understood everything. Cale wasn’t going to fuck you because this was so much more than that. This was the two of you connecting in the most intimate way; it was more than physical, it was emotional. 

Lifting your other leg to wrap around his waist, you tilted your head to kiss along his jaw. The new position allowed him to roll his hips deeper inside of you and you melded your mouth to his, pouring everything you felt for him into it. 

You weren’t sure how long the two of you had been like this, time seemed to be an illusion as your bodies worked slowly in tandem to bring each other pleasure. You could feel your orgasm slowly build, so steadily that you were certain you’d know when your orgasm was about to crest. Then Cale slid a hand under your back forcing your hips to arch and suddenly you were screaming his name as heat and pleasure and relief and love hit you one after the other in waves. Cale followed you into your orgasm, his moans serving as the greatest sound you’d ever heard. 

Kissing his shoulder, you waited for him to come down from his orgasm, your legs still wrapped firmly around his hips. He moved to pull out but you shook your head. 

“Just wait a minute please.” You requested. Cale complied, his nose brushing against your jaw as he buried his face into your neck. As much as you never wanted him to part from you, you knew he needed to and so after a moment you gingerly let your legs drop back to the mattress, whining at the feeling of your aching muscles. Your legs weren’t the only thing that ached as Cale pulled out of you, but somehow as he moved to dispose of the condom, you were able to move to use the bathroom, peeing and cleaning yourself up. 

Moving back into your room you decided that you were too tired to search for clean clothes and you certainly weren’t going to sleep in your dirty ones. So you slipped into bed as you were, yawning softly. You wondered what was taking Cale so long but you heard water running so you figured he was washing his hands and cleaning up himself. Instead, he returned with a bottle of water and a bottle of pills. Shaking a set of pills from the latter, he offered them and the water out to you. 

“So you’re not as sore in the morning.” He murmured. Grateful, you took them downing half of what was in the bottle as well because you definitely had not had enough to drink today. “Go ahead and finish it, I can refill it from the tap.” He insisted. Whispering your thanks you finished it off before laying back down. After refilling the bottle from the bathroom tap, Cale set it beside the bed and then crawled in beside you, his arms behind his head as if inviting you to snuggle against him. 

Taking the invitation, you snuggled close, your head resting on his shoulder. As soon as you were settled, he dropped his arms draping one around you. 

“I’m glad you flew in early.” You breathed. This was your first night in your new home and spending it with Cale just felt right. Like it was just the first of many in the years to come. “Today’s been...amazing.” 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Cale replied, his lips pressing against your forehead. It was easy to start falling asleep, but you hummed in acknowledgement when Cale spoke your name. “We need to get you a bigger bed.” He mumbled. “Doubles are not made for 6 feet tall guys.” Giggling into his shoulder you smiled contentedly. “We’ll move this bed to the guest room and I’ll buy you a bigger bed. You can call it your housewarming present.” He insisted. That wasn’t a battle you were going to fight with him, you’d do pretty much anything to make sure that he was comfortable here, so you kissed his shoulder. 

“Alright Cale...now go to sleep.” You teased. Less than one day in, you already knew this was going to be the greatest summer ever. 

#cale makar #cale makar imagine #colorado avalanche imagine #colorado avalanche #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #nhl smut #hockey smut #cale makar nws #nws #lemon