#i keep letting people get closer to me and i never fucking learn. i never learn from anything. anytime my vibe checker goes off on a

[producedbyhanjisung]

⎯ STOCKHOLM. christopher bahng chan

🎧 : bang chan x female reader

TROPE. age gap! au (chan is 37, reader is 18), kidnapper x kidnapped

WORD COUNT. 2.5k

WARNINGS. drinking, mentions of drugs, illegal activities, nineteen-year age gap, kidnapping, reader falls in love with her kidnapper, sadism + masochism

SYNOPSIS. on the morning of january first, y/n wakes up chained to a wall, stripped to her undergarments, and a camera pointed right at her. strangely enough, behind the camera is what looks like a harmless, friendly, incredibly attractive man. as y/n and the mysterious Bang Chan begin to learn more about each other, y/n finds herself succumbing to stockholm syndrome: falling in love with her very own kidnapper

SMUT WARNINGS. sadism + masochism, use of vibrator, some non-con themes, sextape making, overstimulation + edging, corruption kink, exhibitionism, dumbification kink

As your eyes opened, you expected to wake up somewhere you didn't know. You were absolutely wasted the night before - New Year's Eve - and you had been almost one-hundred percent sure you would wake up in someone else's bed. However, you hadn't imagined that you would wake up with shackles around your ankles and wrists, keeping you tight against a concrete wall in a cold room that somewhat resembled your great-grandmother's basement.

You're flabbergasted, to say the last. In all of your years getting drunk and fucking random people, you had never been kidnapped. And either this guy was really fucking kinky, or you had been kidnapped.

You suspect the latter, seeing the tape recorder set up on a tripod in front of you, facing you. As you survey your surroundings, you also take in your attire - completely nude, spare for your lacy white bra and matching panties, complete with a small white bow.

"Morning."

You look up, startled at the handsome guy that you hadn't noticed enter the room.

"Y/N, right? I'm not sure I caught your name last night."

You vaguely remember his face as one of the guys you had danced with the night before, letting him grind up against you and grope your body to the beat of the music. You nod at him.

"Do you know why you're here, Y/N?"

You shake your head, staying silent.

"I find you quite beautiful, actually." The man has a thick Australian accent, one you're sure you remember from the party. "Really, a work of art. An ass to kill for, and apparently, unmatched intelligence."

"That's just a rumor," you say finally.

"Ahhhh, she speaks. You have such a pretty voice, sweetie." He sends you a dimpled smile. "I really don't think it is, though. Your IQ is three higher than that of Albert Einstein. Do you know what that means, sweetheart?"

You watch him, waiting for an answer.

"It means you are a certified genius." The man's smile drops. "This is why you've peaked my interest."

"'Cause I'm good at taking tests?" you ask softly.

He shakes his head. "Much more than that. I want to pick your brain apart, pretty girl. I wanna find out what makes you tick." Then, he smiles again, wickedly. "But more than that, I want to humiliate and violate you in ways you wouldn't have thought possible."

So that's what he is, you think to yourself. A psycho with a god complex.

"Do you think I can do that?" he asks.

"Do what?"

"Everything I just said."

"Yes I do."

He tilts his head at me. "Giving in so easy?"

"What else should I do?"

He moves closer to you, taking your chin in his hand and examining your face. "I suppose you're right."

You watch him, utterly stunned at how fucking exquisite your kidnapper's appearance is.

He backs away from you now, moving behind the tape recorder. He repositions it so that it's trained on you, then turns the viewing component of it so that you can see yourself, dangling helplessly and half-naked from the wall. "I'm going to start, yes?"

You nod slowly. You know that fighting whatever this man was about to do to you would be futile, so you waited and watched, eyelashes fluttering.

He retrieves a knife from a table of dangerous-looking utensils off to your left, returning to you.

"What should I call you?" you ask him suddenly, dreading the feel of the knife tracing your skin.

"Chris," he says simply. "In Korea, they call me Chan. Here they call me Chris."

"Chris? Or Chan? Which do you prefer?"

He tilts his head, as if puzzled by the question. "I'm not sure."

"I like Chan. It suits your face."

"Does it now?"

You nod, humming a "yes."

Chan's lips quirk up in a half-smile, and you find yourself smiling back. "First things first," he says after a moment, "I need to mark you."

"Mark me?"

He nods. "It won't hurt long, love." He moves around you, to your left side, and grasps your thigh gently. You bite back a gasp, watching as he lifts the knife. It's digging into your skin before you can protest, drawing a thin line of scarlet over the plush skin. You register in your mind it hurts, but it fascinates you to watch, taking your thoughts off the pain and onto the beauty of the letters that he's now carved into your leg. B.C., in small, pretty writing right in the middle of your thigh.

"Painful?" he asks, moving back to the table to the side and retrieving some sort of paper towel, returning to you and gently dabbing at the blood.

You blink. "A little."

"You didn't scream," he says.

"I didn't."

"I wish you would have."

"Would you like me to now?"

"No, sweetheart, don't force it."

You're surprised at how easy this conversation comes to you. This man just cut his initials into your thigh, and all you could think about were his pretty dimples and crinkly eyes.

"Where are you from?" you ask.

Chan looks up at you. "You baffle me," he says, examining you. Then, "I was born in Seoul, but I grew up in Sydney." He pauses. "You?"

You tell him where you were born, surprised at how intently he listened to you.

"I like hearing you speak," he says. "Your voice is beautiful."

You stay quiet, unsure what to think.

"I bet your screams would be beautiful too." A mischievous expression flits across his face. "You know what I bet would be the most beautiful of all?" He leans in close to you, so that his lips are right next to your ear. "Your moans."

You blink dumbly up at him.

"Look at you." He cradles your cheek in his hand, watching you with a bittersweet expression. "Intelligence already crumbling. I thought you'd last longer, sweetie."

You're tongue-tied, both disgusted and turned on by the sadistic words.

He pats your cheek once, twice, then turns away. "I'll be back later to bring you dinner, and a fun little toy."

"What am I supposed to do until then?" you ask quickly, desperate for him not to leave you. As much as you don't want to be down here with him, you even less want to be down here without him.

He shrugs. "You'll find something." Then he pauses. "Actually . . . would you like your toy early, hmm?"

You nod slowly. Chan retreats from the room, returning a few minutes later with a white box. He opens it, inside awaiting what looked like a vibrator. Nope, scratch that, it was a vibrator.

You swallow, looking at it, and Chan grins at you. "The best form of torture is too much pleasure, don't you agree, sweetie?"

You swallow hard, finding yourself nodding nervously.

Chan moves back over to you, stepping gracefully, and smiles. "For the next three hours, this is going to be attached directly to your clit."

You only stare at him.

He begins by removing your panties, then your bra, leaving you completely bare for him, and for the tape recorder.

"Pretty pussy," he mumbles, as though to himself. He leans forward, using one finger to spread your lower lips and another to prod around your private area, poking gently into your hole, then around your clit. Finally, he stops, bringing up the vibrator and configuring it so that the head stayed directly on your clit. He gently turns it on, watching as you gasp a little.

"Three hours," he says, tapping his wrist, then turning the vibrator to the highest setting. "I'll see you, pretty girl."

The moment the door is closed, unable to bite back the noises produced from this torturous device.

Three hours later, you've passed out four times, came at least twenty, and are shaking, dripping sweat, and sobbing. Your clit burns with too many sensations, and your stomach convulses violently with every buzz being emitted into your core.

When Chan reenters the room, he carries with him a plate of food. He sets it down quickly upon seeing your ragged state, mouth open slightly as he watches you.

You hardly notice him enter, buzzing with too many sensations. You only snap back to reality when you hear a shutter flick in front of you, and you find that he's taken a Polaroid photo of you.

He stays silent, listening to you whimper as the film develops. When it's complete, he turns off the vibrator, and you slump in your shackles. You feel him unlock your ankles, then your wrists, and you drop to your knees on the floor, still shaking vigorously.

Chan kneels beside you, brushing your hair from your face and soothingly thumbing your cheek. "Tired?"

You nod.

"Too tired to eat?"

You nod again.

"No you're not." He stands, retrieving the plate of food he brought with him. On it is what looks like a rather appetizing piece of chicken, salad, and small bowl of pasta. "Eat."

"What if I don't want to?"

"I'll force feed it to you."

You can't tell if he's joking, so you shakily take a bite. You struggle as you pick up your fork, and Chan takes it from you exasperatedly. "Let me," he says. He gathers a bit of salad on the fork, taps your jaw for you to open your mouth, and puts it in. You close your mouth, letting the lettuce fall onto your tongue, eyes locked with his.

"I'm sorry," you find yourself saying.

"Why?"

"I'm shaking."

"That's not your fault, is it?"

You shake your head.

"Then why are you sorry? Hmm?"

You shrug as he puts another bite of salad in your mouth.

The two of you stay silent for the rest of the meal. That night, he doesn't reshackle you, but locks the door behind him. The next day, he returns. At least, you assume it's the next day. You're not sure how much time has passed since you've woken up in this dank room. He'll come for a few hours in the morning, then leave for a few hours, then return for a few more. Each time he returns, he asks about you. As if he truly wants to get to know you, instead of killing you. He continues torturous ministrations, destroying your body and your mind in one. And somehow, you hardly mind.

Finally, on the evening of what you can guess is the ninth day, he returns as usual, bringing with him a meal.

He watches you eat, tongue in his cheek. "I'd like to bring you upstairs today."

You pause to stare at him. "Up . . . upstairs?"

He nods. "You should shower, before you stink any more."

You look down. "It's not exactly that sanitary down here."

"I'm well aware. That's why I'm bringing you up. I quite like you, honestly. So I'd like to propose to you an offer."

"An offer?"

"An offer. An exchange, I suppose. Your freedom for your service."

"Go on."

"You will marry me. You will be presented as my wife, and you will act as such in the public eye. In private, you are mine. You're my slave - my belonging."

"I just have to stay with you?" You look up at him. You're smart enough to know that even seeing the sunshine for a day being married to a kidnapper would be better than rotting down here until he eventually decided he'd had enough and kill you. Your mind was made up, but you were curious.

"Yes, love. I'm fond of you, actually."

Fond of me. You ponder this. "Okay . . . I'll do it. First, though, I have a question."

"Shoot."

"How old are you?"

Chan looks down. "I'm thirty-seven."

"Oh."

He nods. "You?"

"Eighteen." You meet his eyes.

"So young and fragile." Chan traces his fingers over your cheek. "So much to corrupt, hmm?"

You nod.

"Come on, you need to shower."

You let him bring you upstairs. You leave the basement into a small house. The walls are pretty pastels, decorated with plants and paintings of all varieties. Chan brings you away from the main floor, up another flight of stairs to what you can guess is his bedroom. It's neat and tidy, and an open door off to your right is your best guess at a bathroom.

He brings you into the bathroom, letting you strip out of the clothes he gave you a few days before, after finally giving in to your begging for warmth. You jump a little as he starts to remove his shirt. "What are you doing?"

"Stripping. I'm joining you."

"Um, why?"

"'Cause I'm not letting you off yourself with a razor in my shower."

"I wasn't gonna off myself with a razor in your shower."

"How do I know that?"

You watch him, deciding not to argue. The water is already on, steaming up the room, and his skin glistens with every movement. You avert your eyes from his dick, but you can see its general shape in your peripheral vision. Huge.

He pulls you into the shower by your waist, stepping in behind you. He'd seen you naked before, but something about this close proximity and steamy room felt so much more intimate than the hours of sextapes he had filmed of you.

Chan helps you wash your hair, then your body. His touch lingers over your curves, rubbing you in a way that you didn't know was possible. It's only moments after that you find yourself hoisted up, legs tucked around his waist, hands running through his hair, head tipped back as his lips attach to your neck.

"Do you promise to be mine?" he whispers into your jaw, teeth grazing your Adam's apple.

"I promise," you say desperately, watching him with hooded eyes.

He pushes inside you with no warning, already rock hard. You feel the tip of his member kissing your cervix, pressing in just the right ways against your walls. He kisses you hard, pushing you against the wall of the shower. Chan is thrusting inside you slowly, mouth struggling to stay attached to yours as the two of you are overwhelmed by emotions and sensations.

You cum at the same time as him, coaxing every last drop of cum from his cock.

You collapse into him, shaking as you come down from your high. He holds you gently, turning off the water and helping you out of the shower. He's wordless as he wraps a warm towel around you, kissing your forehead as he dries you, then himself, then helps you to his bed.

"Just sleep, love," he tells you softly. "I'll wake you up in the morning."

The next morning, Chan is beside you, sleeping soundly. For some reason, you're comforted by the sight. The man who kidnapped you nine days ago - who would have thought you'd be madly in love with him by the end of it all.

TAGLIST ⎯

@jisunglyricist @hash2013 let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!!

#smut #stray kids #skz #bang chan #felix #han #lee know #seungmin #hyunjin #oneshot #kidnapper #kidnappers #kidnap au #murder #horror #bang chan smut #bang chan x you #chan x reader #chan smut #bang chan x reader #bang chan imagines #prod.j.one

[whimsyprinx]

i think I just need to stop clinging to and getting so attached to people

#whimsy whispers #because then things fall apart and so do I #it’s also just like suffocating and annoying of me to do to people I’ve realized #like I just tend to get too attached to people and when things get bad and I can’t fix them I don’t know what to do or how to cope #especially when it feels like no one else is being affected the same way I am so it feels like it’s just a me problem #anyways guess who finally talked to their irl about how they’d been feeling for the past few months #I don’t expect for things to improve based on just doing this and idk if things will be like they use to be but this is the only friendship #that I feel like I can like idk salvage at this point #I don’t think they’ll go back to being the most important person in the world to me or my very best friend but maybe that’s for the best #it just hurts not having someone like that in my life anymore because I did genuinely love them so much but like idk I already knew they’d #never love me as much as i did like they have actual loved ones who it makes more sense to cherish more which is like obvs fine I just like #idk i feel like I generally stopped being important in general to them and that’s what hurt most #as for the other friendships I’m uncertain about there’s nothing I can do there #I talk to like very few people now and have been trying to like allow new people to try and get close to me as scary as that is #I am afraid I’ll just fuck up those relationships too tbh because everything is a cycle with me #idk I just feel stupid and helpless and like there’s nothing I can do and maybe i just need to accept that there isn’t anything I can do to #fix my mistakes like I can’t undo anything and I can’t fix them and like I just hope I’ll accept that eventually #and again I need to just learn to stop getting so attached to people it’s just abdjfktk hard for me not to but each time I hurt others or #others hurt me it makes it harder for me to want to let anyone else get closer and eventually I’m going to be all alone if this keeps up #anyways tnats tofays vent/fun little realization that I need to force myself to accept

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

Hello! May I request a steamy # 8 With Carmy? (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Sweet Dreams.

8. "I had a dream about you."

Synopsis - You can't look Carmy in the eye this morning. He's determined to figure out why.

Pairing - Roommate!Carmen Berzatto x Female Reader

Warnings - smut. cursing. carmen is a menace.

Age Rating - 18+

Word Count - 1k

Author's Note - the people love carmy!! and I totally understand why. another roommate fic, because everyone adores them - me included!! this takes place in the same universe as Finders, Keepers and Pity Party, but you can decide whether this happens before or after those. your choice!! <3

as always, reblogs, comments and feedback (even anonymous feedback) are immensely appreciated!! your reblogs are the only way to circulate my fics, which keeps me going <3

Series Masterlist. Masterlist. Inbox.

"The fuck is your problem?"

Carmy has you cornered, backed up against the kitchen counter. You've been avoiding him all morning, and he's finally had enough.

"I... there's... what?" you squeak, taken aback.

He's usually so gentle with you, so careful. You'd be lying if you said you weren't enjoying the sudden dominance he's displaying.

"I said," he begins, leaning down so he's nose to nose with you, "what is your problem? The fuck is going on with you?"

When you exhale shakily, he takes a more gentle approach.

"Honey... Did I do something wrong? Have I upset you? You haven't been able to look at me all morning. You're freaking me out."

"No, no!" you rush out. "You haven't done anything wrong. It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"I'm gonna worry, until you explain yourself."

You know he means well, that his concern is coming from a place of love. The problem is, the truth is mortifying. Ridiculously embarrassing. You and Carmy have a good thing going, as roommates, and you don't want to ruin that.

"It's nothing, Carm."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that."

You flick your eyes up to meet his piercing blue ones, and you hesitate. You've never been in the habit of lying to each other. In fact, you're not sure you're physically capable of it. Those big ocean eyes can see right through you.

"Fine. But you have to promise not to laugh."

"I promise."

You take a breath, and confess as quickly as you can.

"Ihadadreamaboutyou."

The corners of his lips quirk, tilting his head in confusion.

"Say that again. Didn't quite catch it."

You roll your eyes, and commit. You might aswell, at this point.

"I had a dream about you."

He swipes his tongue over his bottom lip, deliberating what to say.

"What kind of dream?"

Fuck. You were hoping he wouldn't want you to elaborate.

"A good one."

"A good one, huh? Must have been, if you can't even look me in the eye this morning."

You roll your eyes and shove him in the chest lightly.

"I knew you'd be a dick if I told you. Hence why I didn't."

"No, you didn't tell me because you're embarrassed."

He steps closer to you, backing you up against the counter again. He leans in so he's forehead to forehead with you, lips brushing yours everytime he speaks.

"Where does your filthy little mind go when you fall asleep, hmm? Was I at least good, in this dream of yours? Live up to your expectations?"

"You were fine," you mumble.

"Fine? Honey, I'm the best chef in this city. I don't do fine."

"You woke me up with all the noise you were making in the kitchen before I could get to the good part."

"Oh, I left you hanging? Shit, baby. Well we can't have that."

In one fluid motion, Carmy picks you up and sits you on the counter, moving to stand between your legs. You wrap them around his hips instinctively, arms flying up around his neck.

"You gonna let me finish what I started?"

You stare into his eyes for a moment, trying to find any semblance of humour or amusement. All you find is adoration, compassion, and lust.

"You think you can?" you whisper teasingly, knowing exactly which buttons to push.

"Honey, when are you going to learn that I am the best at everything I do?"

Carmy closes the gap between you, smashing his lips to yours. It's all teeth and tongue and nipping and biting, no tenderness to be found. He slips his hand under your sleep shirt, running a finger up the middle of your underwear.

"Fuck," he groans. "Real good dream, huh?"

You nod and buck your hips into his touch, desperate to feel him.

"Right now, I'm gonna take the edge off, okay? And then, I'm gonna spread you out, and make you tell me every single little thing that happened in your dream, so you can experience it properly."

You nod frantically in response, hands clawing at his clothed shoulders. Carmy pulls your underwear down your legs and pushes them apart, wasting no time. He runs two fingers up and down, revelling in the wet warmth.

"Please," you whisper. "Please, Carmy."

He connects his lips to yours as he slides his fingers into you, muffling your sounds against his mouth. As much as you hate to admit it, he's right. He knows what he's doing, and he's good at it.

You've been so worked up all morning that it doesn't take Carmy long to figure out what you like. In no time, he's thrusting and curling his fingers, pressing his thumb onto your clit and making you whine. He's got his other arm wrapped around your middle, keeping you pressed close to him.

"You're close, honey. Can feel you. Come on, this is what you wanted, isn't it? I've got you."

You press your lips to his, letting him slip his tongue into your mouth right as you fall over the edge. Carmy trails kisses down your neck, under your ear, onto your temple, holding you tightly as you find your release. Your toes curl, back arching off the counter as you drop your head onto his chest to catch your breath.

After a couple of minutes, you pull away to look at him, smiling when you find him grinning at you.

"You're so beautiful," he murmurs. "I don't tell you enough."

"So are you," you whisper, careful not to break the moment. "You're beautiful, Carm."

He ducks down and kisses you again, sweeter this time.

"Now," he mutters against your lips. "Start from the beginning, in this dream of yours."

#roommate!carmy berzatto x reader #roommate!carmen berzatto x reader #roommate!carmen berzatto #roommate!carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto x reader smut #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto fluff #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #the bear imagine #the bear smut #carmy berzatto imagine #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto smut #jeremy allen white #the bear x reader #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #carmy x reader

[sister-lucifer]

hcs 4 toby giving bj 4 first time :3

Toby’s First Time Giving/Receiving a Blowjob Headcanons 

Ticci Toby x Gender Neutral Reader 

A/N: I know you probably meant Toby giving a blowjob for the first time but I wrote both because i can. enjoy the double feature

Genre: Smut headcanons 

Content/Warnings: Oral sex (obviously), Toby likes praise, face fucking, Toby gets a bit rough in his excitement but he doesn’t mean it, he’s just a feral, excitable horndog, scenarios for both AFAB and AMAB readers are included, use of dick, cock and cunt to describe genitalia

Like my writing? I take requests! NSFW or SFW for any fandoms in my bio (request rules + masterlist in pinned post)!

Also, please reblog! it’s free, takes two seconds, and really helps me out 

Feedback is encouraged and appreciated:)

Not fully proofread! Let me know if you see any errors!

Giving 

Oooohhh boy okay, listen 

He’s not exactly experienced 

Most of the people he went to high school with were incredibly put off by him and the like two who weren’t never went past making out 

He has no idea what he’s doing, you’ll have to teach him 

The good news? He’s very eager to learn 

If you have a dick he’ll try to deepthroat it IMMEDIATELY, regardless of the fact that he’ll choke like a fucking idiot, and you’ll have to practically yank him off of you 

If you have a cunt he’ll do the same thing except latching on way too fast and way too rough in a clumsy but genuine effort to pleasure you

Just hold tightly to his hair to keep him from ducking back down and gently instruct him to start slow 

You’ll have to be very detailed with your instructions, and he has no shame, so expect a lot of really specific questions 

“Should I-I keep flicking your clit with my tongue like th-that?” 

“Do you like w-when I circle your tip l-like that?” 

Etc, etc

And he’ll say it with 100% sincerity, because he really does want you to enjoy this

It takes him a minute to get the hang of it, but once he gets his rhythm he won’t stop until you’re begging him to 

It’s fun for him to watch you squirm and moan, it brings him just as much pleasure as it does you 

You can encourage him to keep going by scratching his head, running your fingers through his hair, and giving a little tug when he does something you particularly enjoy

Speaking of which, he responds very well to verbal feedback (re: praise) 

You can see his eyes light up when you call him a good boy or tell him he’s doing well 

And he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get him praise

Basically, he’s easy to train

Just keep telling him how well he’s doing, and be clear about what you enjoy 

He’s more than happy to comply 

Plus, it’s kinda hot to watch the drool and cum leak from the gash in his cheek as he eagerly laps up everything he can get from you

Receiving 

Well your first challenge will be getting him to sit still

He’s a hyperactive bastard and his excitement will manifest as restlessness 

It’s best to have him lying on his back to reduce the risk of possible injury, but he will still shake his legs and fidget with his sleeves as he watches you position yourself between his legs

He’ll try not to touch you at first because he’s not really sure what’s acceptable or not, instead opting to fumble with his fingers and gnaw on his knuckles 

He’ll be breathing heavily and mumbling to himself the whole time, before you’ve even gotten his cock out 

“I-I can’t believe you’re doing this for-for me…Y-You’re so nice to m-me…I-I don’t—fuck!—I don’t k-know what I’d do with-without you…”

And he’ll go on and on like that until you’ve sucked him so good he can’t talk 

He’ll forget his manners the closer he gets to cumming

He’ll get more and more needy and he’ll start to grab at your hair 

Unless you stop him, he’ll get rougher and rougher until he’s practically fucking your mouth, pulling and pushing your head back and forth by your hair and thrusting into your mouth 

He’ll have drool running down his chin and he won’t be able to keep his mouth shut, just completely desperate and messy

The best part is the way he’ll shamelessly beg to cum down your throat 

“Pleeeaaase, please, please, fuck—! I-It’s all I want, just let me—let me cum in your m-mouth, I need it! I-I’ve been a g-good boy, haven’t I?!”

If you don’t say yes he’ll literally cry 

But if you do, the absolute euphoria that’ll cross his face is more than worth it 

He’ll force you down on his cock as he releases down your throat, his back arching in an almost violent manner as he forces you to take everything he has to give

And he won’t let go until he’s completely done 

When you’re finally released from his death grip it’ll be because he’s gone limp, completely spent and barely conscious 

Give him a quick kiss before you go to clean up, he’ll lick your lips clean for you 

He’ll be riding that high for hours 

#creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta smut #smut #smut headcanons #creepypasta headcanon #ticci toby #toby rogers #creepypasta ticci toby #ticci toby creepypasta #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby smut #ticci toby headcanons

[navybrat817]

Dark and Light

Pairing: Winter Soldier x Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: You learn the real reason why Hydra wants to keep you.

Word Count: Over 2.65k

Warnings: Threat of dubcon/noncon, minor character death, violence, canon divergent, captivity, brainwashing, slight feels (it's me, okay?), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).

A/N: It's been almost 3 years since the last part of Soldat and Sparrow. Are you lovelies still interested? ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @silkholland . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

The cell they kept you in this time was larger than your last. It didn't make it any less uncomfortable. The thick gray walls surrounding you made the room suffocatingly quiet and hollow. You only knew the color thanks to the singular lightbulb in the center of the ceiling, too high for you to try and make a weapon out of the glass. Without windows, you didn't know it was dark or light outside.

There was no escape, but you couldn't give up hope.

It was maddening not knowing the time of day as you played the waiting game on the worn mattress in between meals and sleeping. The screams of your lover played on a morbid loop in your mind and you had to will yourself to not let tears surface. Other than temporary relief for your emotions and aching heart, crying would do you no good. It never did.

What you needed to do was focus.

The man on the bridge.

He triggered something inside of the Winter Soldier. Something Hydra wanted to keep locked away. But what was it?

Bucky. He called him Bucky. He knew him. But how?

Two hard knocks on the door pushed the thought away before it swung open. Narrowing your eyes as Brock walked in, you wondered if he could’ve been a good man in another life and fought for the people who needed it most the way he pretended to. This wasn’t that life though. He chose his side.

The wrong side.

“You know, I don’t get it,” he said, crossing his arms as he stood in the doorway. He didn’t hide the lust from his eyes as he looked you over. “I mean, the Asset does his job well, but it’s like he forgets all about being a soldier when he’s deep in your pussy.”

“What can I say? I guess my pussy’s just that good,” you sneered, not in the mood for his taunts or anything else.

“Is that right? Maybe he should fuck your ass next to get the stick out of it,” he snapped back. “Or are you too stuck up for that?”

Pierce had a range of prostitutes lined up to satisfy his soldiers, but Brock didn’t hide how pissed off he was that you were “given” to the Asset after that fateful training day. He claimed it was special treatment. He dropped the issue almost as quickly as it was brought up, which led you to believe he was either reprimanded or given something to shut him up.

“Is that what bothers you, Rumlow? That I'd rather fuck him than you?” You asked, tilting your head as you regarded him. “And just so we’re clear, I’ll never want you.”

Brock clenched his fists as he took a step forward. “You really are a fucking-”

“Let her be,” a melodic voice ordered behind him, making you stiffen as he moved out of the way.

The doctor, or Doc as most called him, stepped into the room with a kind smile on his face. Unassuming in stature, you knew better from the start than to judge him by appearance. The man was a snake in the grass ready to spread his venom to unsuspecting victims.

“How are you?” He asked.

You kept your eyes on him as he moved closer, doing your best not to show any emotion. The doctor somehow made you more uncomfortable than Rumlow and that said something. “How do you think I'm doing?”

“Hmm. Not well, I'm sure.”

“You guessed correctly,” you said.

You didn’t know why he bothered asking. Maybe he thought he was better than the others because he didn't physically hurt you. If anything, his indifference to the evil around him made it worse. It told you that he either justified or accepted it.

Either way, he disgusted you.

“Don't worry. You'll have the Soldat back soon and I’m sure you'll feel all better,” he assured you.

“You wiped him,” you reminded him, your voice cracking.

His screams echoed in your mind again, your heart aching as you tried to block it out. When pain knocked on the door, it didn't wait for an answer. It broke it down and made itself at home. But in the pain Hydra inflicted, the soldier found solace with you and you found the same with him. The light for each other within the darkness.

While you failed to protect him and couldn't stop what they did to his mind, you had to believe you’d help heal his soul once you had him back.

“We did indeed as we have many times.”

You knocked his hand away as he tried to place it on your shoulder, your stomach turning from his words. “Don't touch me.”

He held his hands up in surrender as he took a step back. “I mean no harm.”

“All of you mean harm,” you whispered.

The Soldat was your only bright spot in this nightmare. Ironic that he thought you were fire, bright and warm. The truth was you burned because of him. He was your eternal fuel that made the flames grow.

“I only want what is best for you,” Doc argued, his eyes void of any emotional depth behind his rimless glasses.

“Liar,” you whispered.

An exasperated sigh left his lips. “Now, now. I really do want what’s best for you. Don't you realize how important you are?”

“I'm not important,” you said. You never were. “Pierce made it clear that I don't have a purpose.”

But if that was the case, why were you still alive?

The doctor's chuckle made your blood run cold. “That's what he wants you to think. You see, the more they cut you down and make you question your worth, the easier it becomes for you to comply. Because by that point you’re so desperate for survival you'll do what is asked of you,” he explained, pushing his glasses up. “Yet you still only comply to an extent. It’s rather fascinating.”

He stared at you like you were a bug under a magnifying glass. And wasn’t that what you were to him? An experiment or something for him to study? “I haven't complied. I won't.”

“Oh, but you have,” Brock chimed in. You almost forgot he was still in the room. “Those missions you completed. The lives you took.”

Bile rose in your throat as images of violence and blood flashed in your mind. They would haunt you for the rest of your days. “No, I didn't want to hurt anyone.”

“Of course, you didn't. It’s as I said: desperation. You did what you had to do to survive,” the false sympathy from Doc grated on your nerves. “Don't let the weight of those souls wear you down. They were meaningless. But you? Oh, you are meant for more.”

He attempted to touch you again, but his hand moved toward your stomach this time instead of your shoulder. “I said don't touch me!” you snapped, scrambling backward to put distance between the two of you. As much as you wanted to hurt him, Brock was still there and could do a lot of damage.

The doctor pressed his lips together before he smirked. “Pierce and Rumlow are right. You have a hold on him. Even with his programming and orders, it all comes back to you,” he said, your body going rigid. Where was he going with this? “And it’s you that we want to carry his child.”

Your stomach churned again, but you weren’t sure if it was more at the thought that he wanted to force a child on you or that he’d try and force your soldier to impregnate you. “Care to repeat that?”

“You’re going to carry his child. You’re going to give birth to the perfect soldier. And you’ll keep doing so,” he said slowly like you were a petulant child, standing tall and proud as your mouth fell open in horror. “You’re the perfect incubator.”

Your stomach sank as you looked between him and Brock, wishing it was a sick joke. “No, I won't.”

“You think you have a choice?” The doctor questioned nonchalantly, like he was asking what you wanted for dinner. “And do you think the Asset needs to remember exactly what you mean to him to fuck you? I guess we'll see if he does. Science versus instinct.”

The room became eerily silent as the doctor gave you his first genuine smile since he walked in. You struggled to get your bearings and process the words. That was why you were still alive. They were going to make you an incubator. Force your soldier to breed you. They would take another choice away from him. And raise your children in captivity.

In Hell on earth.

“Well, that shut the bitch up,” Brock chuckled.

Before you could think, you launched yourself from the bed. The doctor’s eyes widened as you tackled him to the ground, unable to brace himself as you landed the first blow to his face. You straddled his waist, the second hit knocking his glasses away as fury rushed through your veins like a wildfire. He didn’t try to fight you off.

You could’ve cried. Screamed. Anything to keep him from making his twisted plan a reality.

The sound of a gun cocking stopped you from hitting Doc a third time.

“I won’t kill you,” Brock said, your fist frozen in the air as you looked toward him. Your chest heaved as you stared down the barrel of the gun. “But I’ll make it hurt if you don’t get up.”

“Go ahead,” you said through clenched teeth.

The doctor coughed, but held up a hand. “No shooting,” he croaked as you looked at him out of the corner of your eye. “No harming her.”

Brock’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head. “She can still lie down and take a cock if-”

None of you could have foreseen the metal hand punching through the wall. Before you could blink, the hand closed around Brock’s shoulder and pulled him through, his cry of pain silenced almost immediately by the sound of a gunshot. The doctor beneath you was long forgotten as you scrambled to your feet just in time to see your soldier step into the room through the hole, his face obscured by his typical mask and goggles.

But you felt his gaze on you as he stood like a dark angel ready to avenge you.

Hope launched into your chest like a shooting star as you smiled. “Soldat,” you whispered.

He came for you. Found you. But the star that filled your heart quickly faded when he didn’t move toward you or say “Sparrow”.

The dread grew stronger when he holstered his gun and took out his signature knife.

Was this the beginning of the end?

The doctor smiled as he wiped the blood from his lap and slowly stood up. “You really think he’s here to save you? Oh, no. He just doesn’t want any competition near his breeding partner,” he taunted as your eyes stung. “Back from your assignment early, Soldat? Good. Now you can complete your mission.”

The Winter Soldier tilted his head before he took a step forward.

You remained rooted to the spot, casting your fear that he’d force himself on you aside. “Bucky,” you said, using the name you heard. His real name. A tear rolled down your cheek when he flinched and tightened his fingers around the handle. “I’m not going to fight you. Or hurt you. Do you know why?”

Another step forward, your heart pounded as you stood as still as a statue. “Why?” He asked, the word clear to you through his mask.

The tears flowed freely as he stopped in front of you and slipped his goggles off, your heart breaking when he dispassionately looked at you. “Because I’m your Sparrow. Remember? My fire burns for you and you only,” you told him and pointed to your chest. You needed him to remember. “We swore we’d be free together. Somehow.”

“Don’t listen to her. Breed her and be done with it,” the doctor ordered.

The soldier’s brows furrowed before his metal hand came up around your neck, not squeezing or bringing you any harm.

But it felt like a warning.

“You won’t hurt me,” you breathed out, placing your hand on his arm as you kept your panic at bay. “They won’t break me. And I won’t leave you,” you promised, echoing his words when he took you the first time. “I’m yours.”

No matter what they forced him to do to you, he would never be to blame.

The doctor had the gall to smack the flesh arm when he made no move to shove you down on the bed or remove your clothes. “Finish your mission. Now.”

“It’s okay,” you mouthed.

Somehow, it would be okay.

“My mission…” the soldier began mechanically, not taking his eyes off you as he plunged the knife into the doctor’s jugular. You weren’t sure you could breathe. “Is to keep my Sparrow safe.”

An intake of air caught your sob as the metal hand fell away, the doctor collapsing as he tried in vain to stop the blood from leaving his body. It was useless. And a kinder death than he deserved.

“Hail,” he gurgled, his fingers stained red. “Hydra.”

“Just shut up and die,” you snapped as your soldier ripped his mask off. “Soldat,” you said, softer, almost crying all over again.

“Sparrow,” he whispered.

There was nothing gentle or sweet in the way pressed his lips to yours, but it was warm and safe as he pulled you against you. Your arms slipped around him as you returned the kiss, your cheeks still wet from crying. For a second there, you thought you’d lost him. For once, fate decided not to be cruel to you.

It brought you back together.

“I’m sorry I couldn't get to you sooner,” he said when he allowed you a moment to breathe, quickly scanning as much of you as he could. “Did they hurt you?”

“No, I’m okay. I just thought…” you trailed off with a shake of your head. “You came back to me.”

But how?

“I’ll always find you, Sparrow,” he said, touching your cheek as your heart swelled. “Steve helped me remember a lot of things. Including you.”

“The man on the bridge? You saw him again?” You asked before an alarm sounded, the blaring force echoing in the room.

“Yes. And his friend is sending reinforcements, so we need to go,” he said over the noise, nudging the doctor’s body with the toe of his boot before he stepped on his glasses.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

Where could you go since you no longer had a home? You had so many questions, but understood that you’d have to wait for answers. Getting out of there in one piece was your priority.

“Somewhere safe,” he answered, fear flickering in his eyes for a moment. “Do you trust me?”

“With my life,” you promised without hesitation. And anything else you had to offer him.

The next kiss was one of gentleness, relief, and thanks. “One thing before we leave.”

“What’s that?” You asked as he took your hand.

Love and determination filled his eyes as he glanced back at you and put a gun in your other hand. “We burn it down.”

You could hardly contain the fire inside you as you smiled. “Together.”

You didn’t know what the reinforcements would do or what would await you once you got out. It didn’t matter. Your soldier found his way back to you and you would follow wherever he went. The two of you would finally leave Hydra behind.

In a pile of rubble and ash.

But you’d find out soon enough that the man on the bridge wouldn't let your soldier go either.

I'll try not to let so much time pass before the next update. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

#navybrat writes #winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #winter soldier #soldat and sparrow #bucky barnes #winter soldier fanfiction #winter soldier imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #james buchanan barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky x you #sebastian stan

[kcrossvine-art]

hi friends! :D y'all voted and fought neck and neck for this SO- heres the first entry into our little cooking journey of J. R. R. Tolkeins fictional food for his fictional little guys he puts in fictional turmoils for our enjoyment and awe!

 Before we get started i wanna say i owe my heart to all the LotR fans who upkeep the wiki, debate the cannon, and create their own versions of the foods mentioned. Both because of my love for people who LOVE (passionate people)(passion about anything) and because my own knowledge of this series is a little dusty. I've never seen the movies but I did read the books growing up. I'll be learning and remembering things from a fairly newbie standpoint, so no worries if you yourself arent familiar with the series! (and if you are familiar, hopefully youll forgive me!)

We will be making Lembas ('waybread') today! If you've made your own version of this please feel free to share it, similarly if you have any ideas for what we make next!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to Lembas?” YOU MIGHT ASKWell so the funny thing is we kinda dont know. At least not entirely? The elves are dicks like that. But heres what we'll be using in ours-

Butter

Self-rising flour

Granulated Sugar

Raisins

A small dried fruit of your choosing

Almonds OR Pecans

EGG

Whole Milk

Heavy Cream

And if you would like for dipping-

Blackberry jam

To the extent i understand this is kinda like hardtack from the bri'ish military, but a fantastical version of it that actually tastes really good. Hardtack was a military provision with the texture of a brick that took a long time to spoil and could be easily carried with soldiers. So the texture we're going for is super dense, packed full with nuts and fruits (haha just lik-), but perhaps not that dense. We want something closer to a dog biscuit than actual tack.

I remembered something about corn being mentioned, thankfully the wiki clarified that no actually the british just referred to any grain as corn back in the day. Thank Fuck! Although I would like to try a version of this using masa in the future.

AND, “what does Lembas taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Took a few tries but eventually got it perfectly chewy and dense

The raisins cook-in like little beads of flavortown sweetness

Cant speak for other fruits but for dried apple it softened up nicely, kinda matching the raisins in the end

Im a big pecan slut, pecans fuck on anything especially here. Crumble them on top after you coat the dough with the egg-mixture for some visual appeal

Somewhat flakey outside

The jam was my idea, it was nice but might be too sweet for some tastes

Would pair very well with a kiwi flavored drink

Or mead

I can see why this would a travelling provision. Its both sugary (a good thing when expending energy) and filling (also a good thing when youre travelling) while not being overwhelming with flavor (if youre prone to motion sickness. Horse sickness? Do get motion sickness on horses?)

Its like how if you're going hiking you want a good mix of sugars and salts, to balance your intake of water.

. If you wanna make it like the illustrations or the movie, use a cookie cutter for either triangles or squares . If you don't have a cookie cutter, an apple cutter also works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . try to keep the board you'll roll the dough out onto chilled before you use it, it seems better for the texture of the food though i dont entirely know why

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So from beginning to end, it took about an hour and half for the first attempt. Down to about 40 minutes for the second attempt. These are a real simple recipe because its not like a croissant where the margin for error is nonexistent. Middle-earth be damned my boy can work a grill.

I'd recommend storing in a tubberware container, but if you're deadset on using leaves please rinse and dry them first, and wrap the bread in either wax paper or saran wrap underneath. We dont have mallorn leaves in real life (as far as we know) but most salad greens should work, or as Marie Porter says (linked in the reblogs!) a banana leaf.

I really enjoyed the process of making this recipe, itd be really easy to batch-bake these en masse, and the process of eating said recipe. Like all jokes aside, i think this would be a great substitute for trailmix. Its not going to get smushed and even if it breaks a bit it wont affect the taste. It wont keep you fed for a whole day but pair it with some pickles or a salty snack and yeah itll keep your motor running.

I give this recipe a solid 10/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) Let me know if you think I got something wrong, or if you ran into issues with the recipe. We're off to a strong start, lads!

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

6 TBSP butter, chilled

2 cups self-rising flour

1 TBSP granulated sugar

½ cup raisins

½ other dried fruit (strawberry slices, oranges, etc.), chopped

Handful of almonds or pecans, chopped

1 egg, well beaten

½ cup whole milk

4 TBSP heavy cream

Method:

Preheat your oven to 400 f.

Cut the butter into slivers/small pieces. With your hands, combine the butter into the flour in a mixing bowl until the mixture resembles coarse sand.

Chop your dried nuts and dried fruit until it feels right.

Mix in the sugar, raisins, nut, and dried fruit of your choosing

In a seperate bowl, beat the egg until combined, and then mix in the milk until combined. Keep a bit of this mixture to brush the tops of the bread.

Stir while adding the egg/milk mixture and the heavy cream into the flour. Mix just until combined into a soft dough.

Knead the dough until firm on a floured surface.

Roll into a half inch thickness and cut with a square or leaf shaped cookie cutter. (...or in my case, an apple corer).

Place on a lightly greased baking sheet, with about an inch of space between each piece. Brush the tops of the lembas with some of the mixture you saved earlier.

Bake for about 15-20 minutes, or until it turns a soft gold and the inside is chewy.

#cross cooks lotr #lord of the rings #tolkien #lotr art

[dilfl0v3rss]

https://twitter.com/bestpornclipsx/status/1660915013479964674?s=46

what would have had to happen for y/n to be in this situation with ony

hmmmm idk

sikeeee!! i always know😛 link

“got some nerve…coming up in there like you ain’t got no sense” his voice deeply touched your ears as he spoke. your ass was hot from the many times he’s struck it. pussy being pounded into oblivion from the back. it was almost certain you were going to be sore and bedridden in the morning. all because you let jealousy cloud your judgment.

“ma i just told you, been telling you the whole ride home, i don’t know that girl” you rolled your eyes at him, not caring about the irritated look your boyfriend was giving you. “you mean to tell me this bitch knows your name, mom’s name, and has your number in her contacts, and you never fucked wit her? boy get the fuck outta here wit that!” you pointed your long acrylic nail in his face as you spoke. getting up close and personal to show him that you weren’t playing.

ony took a deep breath before replying. crossing his big arms across his chest to keep himself from just snatching you up right there. “first of all…watch your mouth. second, i need you to put that big girl brain to good use and think.” you rolled your eyes as he continued to to break down your assumptions. “no cocky shit, but i’m probably the most known nigga on this campus and you know that. so of course people gon know my name. as for my number, i can’t stop girls from asking around for it. she prolly got it from someone on the team and i’ll check em for that. and you can check my phone to clarify ‘cause ain’t no female in there but my momma and you.”

your face began to soften as his excuses were starting to make sense, an apology already on the tip of your tongue as he continued. “as far as knowing momma’s name, you gotta be smarter than that princess. after every game what i say to the camera?” your eyes revert to the floor, guilt clouding your mind as you start to feel bad for how you were acting. ony softly cooed at you, inked fingers tilting your chin up so he can look into your eyes. “tell me ma” you sighed deeply, taking a long pause before answering his question. “y’say ‘first i wanna give a shout-out to my very first supporters, my parents Abena and Todd Jackson.’ m’sorr-”

“sh sh sh. what else baby?” your eyes instantly began to water as you recited the second part of his speech. “a-and y’said ‘a-also wanna give a big shoutout t-to my beautiful g-girlfriend y/n.’ m’sorry papa i was just so mad and i–” he cut you off again, this time by snatching you up by your throat and bringing your face closer to his. “this is why we communicate ain’t it? to prevent shit like this, but you ain’t do that did you? nahh….you came into the team house yelling and screaming, embarrassing the both of us ‘cause you let your emotions get the best f’you. so now…. ima let mine get the best of me. go in the room and strip.”

it was a matter of minutes before ony had you stripped and screaming in the middle of the bed. dick punishing your insides so good , but you held that need for release with a death grip. “daddyyyy i said m’sorry alreadyyy. p-please let me cumm” you whined, drool dripping from your lips as ony replied with a hard slap on your ass. “no. you ain’t learn yet” he grumbled, angling his hips downward so he can be felt in your stomach. your mouth opened in a silent scream, the feeling too much for you as you tried to inch up the bed.

ony watched you closely, letting you move up just enough so you can take a sigh of relief before yanking you back onto him. “don’t run from me mama. you gettin what you deserve” you let out a loud whine as you felt him begin to hit you deeper than he did before, heavy hand coming down on your ass repeatedly. your ass was definitely going to be sore in the morning. “you love me?” ony asked, stroking you just right to the point where holding your orgasm was almost unbearable. “y-you know i love you daddy”

the next thing you knew, your back was too his chest and ony has his hand tightly around your neck. the brutal pace of his hips slowing to deep strokes. his dick repeatedly hitting the sweetest spots inside of you. there was no way you could hold it in anymore, a quiet whine escaping your lips as your release slowly trickled down your thighs. ony wasn’t far behind, his ropes of cum shot deep into you as he slowed his hips to a stop.

“if you love me then communicate wit me cause now you gon be here all night. turn over.”

#aot x black reader #onyankopon x black reader #onyankopon x reader #aot onyankopon #onyankopon x black!reader #aot smut #onyankopon smut #aot onyankopon x black reader #aot onyankopon x black y/n #aot onyankopon x black!reader #onyankopon x black y/n #aot onyankopon smut #𝑡𝑤𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑠 :)

[cosmal]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN 😘💋💋💋💋

cake 🍰 - sleepy kisses/cuddles with james <3

sleepy

summary you james makeout. whilst being a little tired.

content james potter x fem!reader

note thank u baby i love u

You still have your dress on when James tugs you into his bed. The silk rides up your thighs when he pulls you over his lap and lays back against the headboard. You really want to tug at his curls. You have all night.

"Never let Marlene convince me to do shots ever again," James mumbles as you work at his tie. He tilts his head up as you struggle with the knot. He yawns, smelling of fresh spearmint gum and alcohol. "They give me the hiccups." You know. He'd hiccuped the entire Uber ride home.

You finally get the tie off his head and mess his hair as you go. His top button has been undone since he left the pub. "If I remember," you run your fingers through his hair and listen to him sigh, "it was your idea," you say before you lean in to press your mouth to his neck.

You feel him shiver underneath you, the jump in his fingers as he pulls you closer by the hips. One day you expect your flesh to be moulded to fit his hands with the amount of time he keeps them there.

You tuck your face into his neck and keep it there, pleased with the sounds you pull from him. Lazy with your mouth, wet and hot kisses against his dark skin. Spending special time on the beauty marks you have memorised.

"It wasn't," he argues, voice light as air. You feel your ego swell. "It wasn't my idea- Christ, you're an angel."

You pull your lips from his reddening skin with a little pop, scraping your teeth until he breaks out into goosebumps. "I've wanted to do that all night," you admit, the last remnants of sheepishness gone now that you're alone with him in his bed. You expect James to use it against you eventually.

"Why didn't you?" he asks with another squeeze.

"In Sirius's front room?" The barest hint of your shy giggles has James smiling. All hooded eyes, a crush of eyelashes that you envy, and pretty teeth just peeking from his wet lips.

"It's never stopped him from getting it on with Remus," he says like it's a reasonable argument.

"It's his house," you sigh.

"So?"

You don't tell him it's mostly because the thought of kissing him like you are right now, around other people, makes your skin catch on fire. You can imagine it now - your face in his neck and his hands up the skirt of your dress until you can see the lace of your underwear. You much prefer it in the comfort of his flat. Without the wolf-whistling on Sirius's part.

You know James loves it like this too. Loves to get you all dizzy with it. Lazy hugs and even worse kisses. He's addicted to you like this.

You lean back in and James accepts it with a little too much tired giddiness. A low rumble of contentment deep from his chest. "Where did you learn that?'' he asks, breathing in through his nose deeply as your nose bumps the column of his throat.

"I have," you mumble, too busy under his jaw when he tilts his head upwards, "I have the best teacher."

"Fuck, baby," James stammers, voice all husky. You melt into a little puddle at the sound of it.

He scoots you both down the bed with you against his chest. "You keep kissing me like that, sweetheart, I'm gonna fall asleep."

You don't have time to argue. To tell him that's exactly what you were going for. He kisses you. Even worse than you were, and you mean that in the best way possible. Kisses that take away the little breath you have left, all shallow and desperate to keep yourself from passing out with your lips pressed to his.

You think he knows this. He whines and tries to keep your head up with his fingers under your jaw. It turns a little sloppy, his nose bumps yours and his hands turn soft at your sides.

It's not until your dress rides up some more do you remember you still haven't changed. "James," you pant. He hums. Too content with kissing your cheeks. "James, we need to get changed."

"Can't," he mumbles, ducking his head until it falls into your neck and his curls tickle your face, "can't, wanna keep kissing you. Until we fall asleep?"

"We can't baby," you giggle. All high-pitched and airy. "You're in your slacks. And a belt."

"I'll survive," he grumbles.

"Your hips won't, honey," you say and brush his hair behind his ear, scratching the skin there lightly. You realise you aren't helping. "C'mon, I'm in my nice dress. I need to put on my pyjamas."

James, extremely reluctantly, and without a few mumbled expletives, gets up from his bed. He drags you blindly with him over to the dresser.

"This is all Marlene's fault," he whines, hands in his boxer drawer, "I'm never shotting again."

"You gotta stay away from that sambuca, babe," you say with a hint of smartassery.

"I was gonna rock your world tonight," he says, stripping. You watch his muscles flex and try to keep yourself upright while putting your sleep shorts on. "But I think I'm gonna fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow."

You laugh animatedly, despite him being the funniest person you know, yawning into the back of your hand. "Rock my world in the morning, Jamie?"

"And the afternoon."

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x fem!reader #james potter x female!reader #james potter x female reader #james potter drabble #james potter one shot #james potter headcanon #james potter drabbles #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #james potter fan fic #marauder x reader #the marauders #the marauders fanfic #the marauders fanfiction

[scudslut]

Ok hear me out. Reader and Daryl go on a run for supplies with a few other people. Reader makes a mistakes and almost gets seriously hurt/ near death experience. Daryl gets pissed at reader, maybe yells at her. Reader laughs it off and acts like she doesn’t gaf. Daryl later finds reader all shaken up and crying by herself. Love if you don’t, love if you do!

stay with me

daryl x fem!reader

wc: 2k

warnings: typical twd gore/violence, mentions of death, mentions of trauma/ptsd

a/n: absolutely love me some good fluffy angst, thank u nony❤️ i hope you like it:))

As much as you tried to prepare yourself for the inevitable situations runs would put you in, the blood-chilling reality of it never got any easier. No amount of mental prep could stove off the sounds and smell of the dead, nipping ravenously for a taste of your sweet living flesh.

Of course, over time you’d learned just to shut your brain off and fight. Fight as hard and tirelessly as you possibly could, but mistakes could still be made. Shit happened, whether it was your fault or not.

Hours earlier, a group of you went a few miles east of the prison; Daryl having spotted a little strip a few days prior, not too overrun that he thought might be loot-worthy.

It was a simple run really. Keep close, hit a few shops in and out, then head back home. That’s it. Follow the plan, get as much useful shit as possible, and get the fuck out of there. You guys had it down to a science at this point, runs becoming so second nature it was almost too easy to let your guard down nowadays.

“Hey D, I’m gonna go check the storage room back here. Might have something we could use,” you voiced to your partner a few isles down, still keeping your tone as low as you could.

“Gimme a sec, I'll come help ya,” you heard him say but you kept moving. You two had already cleared the main area, you could handle a walker or two if there actually was any behind the small door. You figured you would’ve heard something by now, some sort of banging or grumbling to announce their presence, but there was nothing, the coast presumably clear.

You should have waited.

Crossing the few miscellaneous isles you reached the back door, giving it a small rattle. Still complete silence, not even the faintest groan or shuffle. Knife at the ready, hand clamped over the cool metal handle, your heart rate picked up a notch as it always did before opening into the unknown.

“You got this, come on,” you muttered to yourself, before throwing the door open, bracing for attack. The door flew wide, only to reveal a dark, empty room. Squinting through the dimness, a few high, dusty shelves were visible, stocked with all sorts of canned goods. Fuck yea, that was certainly useful.

“D! Come look what I found!” you rasped, dropping your knife into its holster and shuffling in. You unslung your backpack from your shoulders, digging through it for a flashlight excitedly. It’s been so long since you’ve found this much canned food, surely enough to keep the group well stocked through most of the winter that was approaching. A loud creak from the left caught your attention as you sped forward. Hands finally finding purchase on the flashlight, you flicked it on, scanning across the room to the sound.

Dust caked the air, making the already dark room fuzzier and your eyes took a minute to adjust. You took a few smaller steps closer, peering wearily ahead and then you saw them.

Beady, soulless eyes staring back. A whole rickety staircase of them, heads turning one by one to the light source in your hand.

“Oh fuck.”

There had to be at least 10 of them that you could see, the top of the stairs pitch black and unrevealing.

Your feet stumbled backward, hands desperately reaching for the knife at your hip, dropping the flashlight in the process. It rolled and caught under your heels, knocking you on your ass as the corpses advanced, jaws snapping.

These were those moments. When you felt your heart in your throat, brain stuttering on action. Time moved so slowly that the fragments were almost visible and every thought screaming in your mind sounded like gibberish. You know you should move, is that what it was screaming?

The first one got to you, grabbing your leg trying to crawl up and finally, you were kicking, scrambling, grabbing onto the knife and slamming it into its skull with a loud squelch.

“Daryl!” you yelled. You needed him. Now.

3 more dropped before you, slinking towards you and you were trapped — the first corpse lying heavily over your midsection.

“Yea, yea girl. I heard ya,” you heard him respond, still sounding a few isles away.

No no no, this was not how you were gonna die. Not today. Please.

You kept stabbing, each kill taking everything out of you as you struggled against the body weight atop you. They just kept piling, you could hardly feel your legs anymore, the circulation surely cut off below your knees. And more were coming, a never-ending stream of hunger.

Another one landed before you and you had just enough time to catch its shoulders before it was inches away, snapping at your neck. Your arms burned, tears welling in your eyes as you realized this could be it. You didn’t know how much longer you had before they gave out and rotting teeth would be sinking into you, tearing you apart.

The walker kept snapping, so close you could see the layers of rotting flesh peeling from its face. You had been close to walkers before, had stared into the lifeless eyes too many times to count, but this was different. More were coming and the face in the reflection of its eyes was barely recognizable — terror painting every feature you’d known on you distorted.

The bones cracked in its left shoulder and it dislocated, dropping down to centimeters from your skin.

“No,” you sobbed quietly. Daryl wasn’t going to make it, you knew that. He was going to walk in and find his girl as dinner. You hoped he just booked it, and didn’t waste his time trying to save what would long be gone.

The walker fell limp in your arms and you flinched harshly, expecting excruciating pain to follow as it bit. But there was nothing.

“The fuck are ya doing! Get up!”

Daryl was suddenly right before you, ripping each body off your aching limbs and you were now acutely aware of the larger pile by the stairs, all with arrows and stab wounds littering their heads. When had he gotten in here?

You didn’t hear his words, adrenaline coursing so loudly through your system that all that could be heard was a loud, shrill ringing.

“Goddammit girl, wake the fuck up!” he shouted, grabbing you by the shoulders in an attempt to lift you. Your brain caught up then, as he harshly placed you on your feet. Walkers scattered the floor around you, and a grumble at the stairs announced it wasn’t the last of them.

Daryl reached down, grabbed your dropped items, and shoved them in your dumbstruck hands. “We’re gettin’ outta here, now,” he seethed, dragging you along and slamming the door behind you both, crossing the lines of isles quickly to the front entrance.

The fresh, afternoon air hit your nose in a gust and the last of the fuzz chipped itself from your senses slowly.

“Hope yer fuckin happy with yerself. Can’t ever listen to a goddamn word’a mine, can ya?” Daryl quipped beside you. His eyes were slits as they dug into you, so fuming you could see the heat radiating off his skin in the early autumn brisk.

He was angry at you, you knew that. But you also knew it was because he was scared. Hell, you were fucking terrified to stone back there, but if you wanted to calm him down at all, you knew you had to act unfazed.

Gathering any remaining wits about you, you took a deep inhale, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting them.”

He didn’t respond, wouldn’t even look at you anymore as he began to pace the graveled parking lot.

“Hey don’t stress Dar. I’m alive, we’re good,” you attempted to soothe further.

“Don’t stress? Yer a real piece a work, y’know that! Always fucking up everyone’s shit cause ya don’t wanna use yer brain, huh?”

Well, that did not go as you expected.

The rest of the group had started shuffling out of the other shops around you, making their way to the vehicles.

“Jeez, you need to lighten up,” you brushed past him, head high. You couldn’t let his words affect you, not with all the other emotions coursing as well. You didn’t understand what he meant. You had never put anyone other than yourself in danger, how could you possibly be fucking over everyone else?

You decided to wait in the car as the rest of the group went back for the cans, tag-teaming whatever walkers remained. The loot had decently filled both trunks and everyone was happy to call it a day and head back.

Your eyes followed Daryl as he jumped into your car, eyes trained on the windshield, “Ya alright at least?” he muttered glancing at you briefly while shifting the car into drive.

“I’m good, you big grump,” you huffed with a tight-lipped smile. “That much food will last us a long time. I believe a thank you is in order, don’t you think?”

You were not good. Not at all, but there was no reason to worry him anymore, putting him through enough today as it was. Your hands were shoved tightly under your thighs, so he couldn’t see the tremors racking through you.

You had smelt death so many times it didn’t bother you much anymore. Today you had smelt your own. Saw your life in that walker's eyes, mere seconds away from demolition. It was safe to say you were shaken to your core.

The journey back was silent, both not in the mood to chat for very different reasons, and the whole time you were trying to keep each breath of yours steady.

You helped unload as much as you could, before slipping away discreetly to your cell. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this, you felt kind of pathetic honestly. This was life now, it had been this way for a long time now, you shouldn’t be so shaken up as you were but the terror just wouldn’t leave your body.

Panic washed over you once again as your eyes hit your dim cell. Your mind was quickly slipping back into those last moments, the darkness and dust all too similar. The fear you had felt coating your veins icily and your breaths started to become agitated. There was nowhere else to go though. If you left the cell someone would see you.

Subconsciously, you backed yourself into the corner of the room, crumbling down to the floor with your head in your hands. Deep down you hoped your hyperventilating would knock you out. You didn’t want to think anymore — see it anymore. Tears were burning the back of your throat as you held down sobs, feeling the walker's hands and weight atop of you all again.

A small yelp escaped you when the hands became real. Pressure on your shoulders and waist and your head snapped up from its hiding spot, reflexes already prepared to fight whatever presence was with you.

“It’s jus’ me, hey, hey,” you heard through your panic, his blue eyes just recognizable through blurry tears. “S’okay, relax.”

You couldn’t calm down this time, vicious sobs finally breaking their way out of your frame. Running was your first thought; you didn’t want anyone to see you like this, Daryl or not. Emotions were never a strong suit of yours and would always find yourself dealing with them in private, away from sympathetic words and pitying eyes. But Daryl was never like that, he drew you in and held you tight, uttering no more words other than the ones to confirm it was him. If you asked him to say more, he would, but he knew this was what you needed. Someone to ground you back onto Earth and out of whatever images tormented your head.

So that’s what he did. Held you for hours as your body expelled all its terror and lingering adrenaline. He’d give quiet coos through each wave of shakes, grabbing a blanket to warm you through the cold sweats. And finally, once the fear faded to exhaustion, he scooped you up off the stiff concrete and into your soft cot.

“Stay with me?” you rasped, throat parched and raw from crying.

It wasn’t a second thought for him. He was never truly angry with you, and he knew you knew that. He needed you safe with him.

“Always.”

#daryl dixon #norman reedus #the walking dead #daryl dixon drabbles #daryl imagines #daryl dixon smut #twd drabbles #daryl x reader #fem!reader #twd daryl dixon #twd #daryl twd #twd daryl #twd fanfiction #twd smut #twdedit #daryl dixon x reader #daryl fanfiction #daryl dixon fanfiction #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixion imagine #daryl x you #daryl drabbles #daryl x female reader #daryl x y/n #the walking dead x reader

[charliesgoodboy]

Hi idk if you write for shameless but if you could do Ian and Mickey and a shy male reader who they just love to tease bc they like seeing him get all flustered. Like he’ll start blushing or stumbling over his words

I.GALLAGHER M.MILKOVICH🕷

we goin' dumb

girl, got me fucked up.

mmm this yeah here, lean in my cup

can't tell me 'bout shit 'bout nun'

told the bitch don't shut me up,

wanna see them bands

wanna see them bucks.

bad bitches 'gon love me up,

bad bitches 'gon love me up.

song: . . .ılı GMFU odetari, 6arelyhuman

TW: teasing, male leaning reader(fem welcome because i do not care), i think i made reader a little touch starved, reader is actually shy not that uwu shit(hopefully i did, i word things horrible), bottom leaning reader, you may or may not be able to tell which is my favorite(it's the one who isn't ginger)

ian gallagher who wouldn't mean to 'make fun of you' in a way, he just found the fact you'd sometimes cling to him or whisper words you were going to say to a waiter to yourself but you'd end up looking at him to take the order for you. watching you mutter a 'thank you' as the woman would write down your order and walk away, he couldn't help but smile, you'd do this almost all the time with others but with him you could talk your ear off if you were really, really, really comfortable. only being comfortable isn't enough you could still barely look him in the eye, you were working on it though. "could you look at me when you're speaking? i feel like you're talking to fifty different people." "i am." "could've fooled me."

mickey milkovich who would think you're rude and weird as shit when he first met you, the looking at me in the eye thing would bug him and itch at him at times. "hey, who are you talkin' to? your eyes are movin' around like thirty miles per second" "i'm talking to you–" "and speak up, no one can hear you sweetheart." the name sweetheart was clearly ironic and he didn't mean it but the laughing fit he'd go into seeing how truly effected you were by it, you looked like your mom caught you up late at night on a school night damn. but as time would pass he'd learn to live with it, not without taking advantage of it of course he wasn't that stupid.

ian gallagher who would purposely scoot closer to you on the couch not for the sake of the two of you being together but the sake of feeling you tense up when all he did was scoot a few and wrap his arm around your shoulder as the movie played. his eyes would linger at your body language with your nails scratching your wrist and your legs rubbing together and crossing sooner or later obvious discomfort but just in a different way he'd fix that for you. "need a little help there?" "n—no." "so yes?" he could just tell you felt pins and needles all around the embarrassment was getting to you like a bitch but damn he was tempting.

mikey milkovich who felt and indescribable feeling having sex with you. obviously he's shared you with ian before, and he's had sex with only ian before and those times were very memorable. but he still loved to have just you, shit anyone could get addicted to you. your body shivering and jolting at almost any touch he'd give you, going a little slow at first then slowly getting rougher with you loving each and every moan, groan, and whimper. the edging wojld be almost never ending and him sucking you off was euphoric, fuck he was talented with his tounge. his tattooed hands holding your thighs to keep your legs open as the warm feeling would bubble in your stomach each and every time you felt like cumming, your legs trying to close together in sensitivity but he wanted to swallow all of you. "you gotta work on tryna' keep your damn legs closed." "i do try.. " "doesn't mean it's not hot, i changed my mind."

ian gallagher and mickey milkovich that loved looking at the different expressions on your face of pleasure which let them know how well they were doing. mickey could have you take him from the back and ian would have you take him in by the mouth instead, your eyes blinking a little faster and rolling back due to the both of them. jealousy talks would be hell between the three, neither you or mickey could fess up to it or explain the hell he was doing wrong. but with just you? shit you were good at hiding it but they could tell if you had something to say. "you gonna tell us whats wrong? or are you gonna sit there lookin' like a bomb that's 'bout to implode." "tell you what? there isn't anything to tell." "you're a terrible liar, put your chin up and say what's the matter." damn this was gonna be a long night.

#shameless x reader #shameless x male reader #shameless smut #shameless x you #shameless x y/n #mickey milkovich x reader #mickey x reader #mickey milkovich x male reader #ian gallagher x mickey milkovich #ian gallagher x male reader #ian gallagher x reader #ian gallagher #ian gallagher smut #mickey milkovich #mickey milkovich smut

[rosie-writings]

You’ve Got my Body, Flesh, and Bone Part One

Summary: You didn’t think you would let it go this far, but alcohol always gives you the bite to challenge Colby until you’re both faced with the things that keep you from being together.

Warnings: Colby x Reader smut, Angst, Slow Burn, Dom/Sub dynamic, Best Friends to Lovers, slight Predator/Prey kink, Overstimulation, Bondage, Overstimulation, slight Subspace

Words: 23.4k

No Y/N Used

Title is from ‘The Summoning’ by Sleep Token

Part Two

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my friends to death and back and then some, but they could be real fucking idiots sometimes.

Most of the time.

Perhaps I simply had a more conservative outlook on the dating culture in LA, or maybe I was traumatized enough where my hopeless romantic naive middle school girl heart turned into an all or nothing brittle young adult woman heart. Nothing was wrong with that, I didn’t think, until I moved to LA to live closer to my new friends.

I met them after my YouTube and Instagram exploded, which I know I said I would never do, but they truly were the most amazing people I met. 

My friendship with Sam and Colby didn’t end after they invited me and one of my friends to film a video with them. I knew who they were; we interacted on social media plenty of times but never communicated privately. I also was keen on truly finding out more about the spiritual realm, so when I followed them into that haunted mansion, there was no room for bullshit. 

I guess they respected that because not even 24 hours later, Colby was asking for my number. 

Maybe I was an idiot and gave it to him.

I genuinely thought it was purely so we could have an easier time than clogged dm’s to collaborate again. And it was. We strictly talked about spirituality and paranormal activity for six months. I always asked about their investigations and he always enthusiastically responded. 

I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. 

The messages developed into something else, something with seemingly less purpose, in the autumn. I remember it being mid October when Colby sent a photo of himself. It looked like any other Snapchat or Instagram story he would post, but then I looked on his social media and realized that this photo was taken just for me. 

Which was fine; I didn’t think twice about it. In fact, I felt excited because he trusted me enough to ask about the new merch sample they received. Of course it looked good and there were now flaws to pick out. I picked out a couple to make sure he stayed humble. Of course they were lies.

I learned a month before that they had private socials for their friends only. And, oh. The amount of tomfoolery that went on behind that firewall was better than the latest show I binged. For one, I didn’t realize that Colby saw a different girl basically every night. At least I think they were different girls.

At heart, I’m 100 percent a girl’s girl and I will always see the value in every girl but goddamn; I didn’t realize how easy it was to make yourself look exactly like someone else. I mean, down to the exact shade of brunette hair, body type, and sometimes eye color? It felt like I was the delusional one and tripping out on his new girlfriend. That wasn’t what it was though. A different girl was tagged everytime. 

The boys weren’t unfamiliar with posting edgier photos whether it be in the middle of an abandoned place that could crumble and kill them before they thought to react, or it be them posing with minimal clothing or some kind of flirtatious caption in the description. Those weren’t bad things, but they were new to me, and honestly, it kind of melted down the anxiety I built in my head about posting new photos on Instagram. Suddenly it didn’t feel like I had to be perfect and get the perfect shot anymore; a lot of it was shock factor. 

Which the boys did exceptionally well.

My friends bulldozed their way through the beginning of 2024. It was entertaining, to say the least, but when I saw photos of their New Year’s party, I was taken back by how minimal they turned out. I came across four photos. A girl kissed Sam at midnight, Colby’s arm was around a girl’s waist, the two of them with probably nine other people in a cute group shot, and the last one was them outside the club the party was at—darkened city streets and palm trees that glistened with New Year’s sparkles and confetti were behind them—and I loved those photos. All of them.

But they weren’t the full picture. Definitely not the full picture. 

I vividly remember turning the corner with friends into one of the secluded cut outs of lounge space. My best friend and I tried to find more friends and, well, we found them. Firstly, I would admit that the music was so loud I felt the bass in my bones, so maybe that had something to play. I also was in the double digits of how many combined drinks and shots I had, so there was that as well.

But when we turned the corner, I remember the same girl who kissed Sam at midnight was on his lap kissing him again, only this time she fully grinded on him and he didn’t even raise a hand to stop.

Which, okay, to be fair, whatever I don’t care. What caught me off guard was the complete lack of care from everyone else as well. I’m not sure if I have the confidence to practically have sex in a semi-public space with all my friends around me, but whatever.

What bothered me more, somehow, was the way Colby’s hands wouldn’t leave that girl’s skin—the same one he kissed at midnight—and I didn’t know why. Maybe I did, but it was more of a complete annoyance than anything. Maybe some disapproval as well.

He was with someone different just the night before—it was on his Instagram story—and he hooked up with the same girl multiple times during the trip we all took during Christmas. At least he was with her for an entire week rather than one day.

It wasn’t my business though, so naturally, I didn’t give a fuck nor did I say a word. It was so easy to behave like it didn’t affect me in any way or leave a bad taste in my mouth, because it didn’t.

”Hey!” I instantly broke into a smile when Tara met us halfway from the couches and drinks and friends and confetti and the making out— “Where have you guys been?”

”We had drinks and kind of got lost dancing with people,” I laughed. It was the truth and considering the flush in our cheeks and the more unkempt pieces of hair down our backs, Tara didn’t question it. Her hand linked with mine and she dragged us to the left side of the room; black leather couches lined in a semicircle. 

And that was when the night truly began.

It also finished there when one of us passed out; I don’t remember who but I swear it wasn’t me.

My night finished when I emptied my guts on the street outside. I think Tara’s hands were in my hair and Colby’s voice was quiet and close to me. I’m pretty sure the sun was rising when we stepped foot in that Uber.

So that was as far as my friendship with Sam and Colby had gone. They were fantastic at their jobs, cared deeply about their work, and cared even more about the supernatural and what’s beyond, and they partied hard.

It was true. I scanned over the last few messages between us. I didn’t mean to leave Colby on read. Something sprouted in me from that moment. I couldn’t fully comprehend what it was. Maybe it was the abrasiveness of the photo, or maybe it was because I didn’t anticipate Colby ever crossing that imaginary boundary. This photo didn’t just cross it, he shot a hundred yards past and then some.

That look in his eyes—the subtle desperation in his text—something, somewhere, did it for me.

It was completely unsolicited as well. Well, unwarranted at least. Once I saw the photo it was solicited in every way imaginable. I didn’t understand where those intense feelings came from. It was intangible.

My stomach soured inside of me. It had me spiraling. Every look, every touch; Colby hardcore gave himself away. It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it, no, not even that.

It was the fact that I loved it. 

That caught me off guard. That nearly scared me.

It was no secret that a while ago, before we even interacted on social media, Colby drunkenly uncovered some too-personal details on the internet. And of course the internet ran wild with them. It kind of became part of his persona which he bravely embraced—which I admired because if I were in his situation, I would coil up and die—and it surpassed the internet’s perception of him as well. 

But the underlying tone of his photo, of his text, completely betrayed that persona I was familiar with.

So I waited. 

And waited.

I didn’t mean to leave him on read before the photo, but after he sent it, I left him on read with purpose in order to see what came of it. If he was willing to send that one desperate photo after an accidental ignoring, what would he do if it was deliberate?

It wasn’t very dominant of him to lace his photos and matching words with yearning like that.

I groaned as I rolled over in my chilling duvet. My arms stretched above me and my vision darkened. Damn right it was 6am, and I innocently woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep so I checked my phone. It still lodged in my stretched hand.

It buzzed again.

Unfortunately, he and I both knew that he was right.

I rolled out of bed and my legs tangled in the slick white sheets.

I haphazardly made my way into my en suite and flicked on the light. The eye bags were out to say hello this morning, which checked out. I was nearly 27; why the hell did I allow a grown man to get me out of bed to go outside before my body willed.

”Jesus Christ,” I gasped at his behavior. So, naturally, I snapped a photo of myself in the mirror.

‘Better?’ I typed and hit send with trembling hands. He didn’t respond.

My heart pounded.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have sent that.

If he spits out his own medicine then he shouldn’t have offered it to me.

With shaking hands, I got myself ready as requested.

It hadn’t always been like this even though it felt so.��

Our relationship evolved and with every text, it dramatically developed into something more than a professional one. Like a friendship, at the very least, and now here I was finding myself lacing my shoes for this man before seven am to go to some… place. 

Eight days ago we came back from a long trip of filming content for their channel.

Five days ago Sam asked us to go pick up shit for this party that was forgotten in transit or something. It was the first time we were alone together, and while the task was simple and mundane, it was fun.

Fun enough for me to say yes to him all the time apparently, because four days ago, Colby asked me to come to a photo shoot for their next merch launch.

Three days ago, Sam, Colby and I went out with Tara, Jake and Johnnie and took photos afterward.

Two days ago we partied hard with the gang again.

And yesterday, well, yesterday I went to Sam and Colby’s house for no reason.

We had breakfast, relaxed for once, and did nothing.

Nothing was so entirely great.

Now when I left my apartment that morning, he was already there waiting for me. We didn’t live close enough to walk, but maybe two exits at most from each other. 

“Wow you look so happy to see the sun,” Colby remarked. My squinted eyes glared back at him. I forgot to change my hair from its bed head state in any way. A piece of it dangled in front of my eye bags. He only laughed back at me. 

“I’m here. I didn’t say I would be happy about it.”

”Don’t worry, you will be soon.” I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to get too snappy. I knew I was joking, but the lack of caffeine and over abundance of morning light did not fare well in me.

”Here is this,” he said before he even gave me a thick enough pause to reply. I looked over and he pulled an energy drink from behind my chair. It was cold. “Palatable offering, I hope.”

”It is,” I laughed and snapped it open.

For an early morning, it was fairly a quick drive on the freeway to this mystery location.

”We’re flying to Australia soon.”

”Oh really?” I gasped and looked over at him. The sun brightened this side of his face. ”Damn.”

”Yeah, we’ve put it off for so long and it’s finally happening. We’re so excited.”

”I bet. Wait, when are you leaving?”

”Six days.”

”That is really soon.” His eyes widened with a sigh.

”Yeah.”

”What, unprepared?”

”As much as we should be prepared already considering how long we’ve wanted to go, yes. Very much so unprepared. We’ve been running around like crazy trying to get things in order at any time we can.”

”So this morning?” He shook his head. I hadn’t looked away from him for a second as we spoke. He kept his eyes on the road.

”How dare I take a tiny break for myself.”

”Naturally you invite me then?”

”I suppose.” By the quiet tone of his voice, I didn’t push. I didn’t prod or step across a line. 

I don’t think I even stepped on it. I ran away from it.

”DId Tara mention that we’re going to New York and staying there until Tana and Brooke get there while on tour?”

”Oh shit, no she didn’t. Wait, she did go on their podcast recently.”

”Yeah. Two weeks ago she did. I went with her and we talked for so long. We literally canceled our next plans and decided that we would catch up again in New York when they got there. I think they have a good five days off or something to stay there a week.”

”Oh sweet, when are you leaving?”

”March second.”

”Oh shit, that’s the day we get back from Australia.”

”Oh really?” 

There was silence. 

“And when do you get back?”

”The plan is to be back by March 12th but we’ll see if that happens.” For the first time since he gave me the drink, he stole a glance from me.

”You’ll see?”

”Tara was talking about going to uh—God I forgot, a specific place, though, for spring break with some other girls too. I think we may be back to re-pack and then head there.”

”Oh okay, okay.” My stomach swarmed with butterflies. I couldn’t pinpoint why. I was overly excited for our trips; it had been a while since I went anywhere for a break and to spend time with myself and the girls, and myself and the girls only. 

We parked. 

It was a bit farther than I anticipated, but there were less people and mainly lone hikers who risked more of a challenge in the early morning. I didn’t mind. I was simply here for the ride and grateful that I could keep up with Colby.

”Sam and I came here a while ago because we saw it and were curious. It’s a really nice place for photos and to walk in silence.”

”Oh silence. I love that.”

”Yeah,” he laughed. “I know.”

So we walked in silence. 

The hills rolled and seemed to touch the skies in some places. Even in the winter chill, the sun warmed my face and within ten minutes both of our hoodies came off. Dust emitted from the ground but stayed. It was dry as hell and not as windy as usual so we were covered in it. 

“This way,” he said and we veered to the left up a steeper route of white rock. Thistles of cacti and various plants I was afraid to touch nipped at our ankles as we calculated our steps on the small jut outs lodged in the hill.

Then, near the top and to the right, Colby reached a eight to twelve foot—I wasn’t quite sure—plateau. It wasn’t a long drop to our ground, per say, but the sun’s light was cut from where I stood. I basked in the shade as Colby climbed up with his long ass nimble legs.

”Here,” he said and his hand reached to mine. I climbed the first few feet of rocks before taking his hand.

Maybe I should not have been as enthusiastic to hold his rough dirty hand if even for a few split moments.

Once on top, there was another few yards of elevation until we reached the peak that I supposed he and Sam found before. They weren’t wrong. This portion of the hill was fairly tall compared to the rest, and while we stood in the dusty rocks of the peak, the other side was a grassy downslope that fell straight towards the valley from which we came. Morning light streaked across the city in pinks and oranges while the tips of buildings and hills on the other side of the city reflected mature midday sun.

Maybe getting out of bed this morning wasn’t all that bad.

“Oh my god, you were right. This is a fantastic place.”

”See?” He replied happily. “And there’s really no one who comes out this far.”

”I know. Maybe we should come back for photos since you left me out the first time.”

”Well when we do come back for photos, you will have been here the same amount we have so it’s like we didn’t leave you out.”

”What are you talking about? You’re here now.”

”Well… It’s fine. We’ll still come back.” 

More silence.

I sat down first. Colby sat next to me and leaned back on his hands. 

“Right that way,” Colby started as he pointed quite to the right of us; east. “Sam and I filmed this one video. I don’t think we can see the plateau very well from here, but it was the one where this guy in a cloak threw a cross over us and into the valley.”

”Oh shit, wait,” I gasped. “I remember that.”

”Yeah,” he scoffed. “Sometimes I think about all the weird stuff that happens at night only for the morning to feel so peaceful.” 

“It’s almost as if your mind plays tricks on you.” He gave me a look.

”Wow, I guess Sam and I and also the camera hallucinated that damn cross.”

”Oh my god,” I laughed. “No but, he threw that thing damn far.”

”I know! It was even crazier in person because it wasn’t light when we picked it up.” I looked back to the valley. The white rocks descended into purples and blues where a few highways entered and exited.

”Do you think he’s the reason you got all scratched up?”

”Oh god, I have no idea.”

”Or do you think whatever it is just stays here?” Colby shrugged but kept his gaze across the sea of hills. I could tell; he tried to identify the property they were on but couldn’t.

”I don’t know. If it does, it sure isn’t in charge of the morning, is it?”

”No.” My voice was quiet. 

My heart pounded.

When would it get a rest?

I opened my mouth before I thought about it.

”Why didn’t you bring Sam?” My seriousness was probably enough to tell him that I meant bringing him in this moment instead. He shook his head before he spoke.

”I didn’t—It’s not that I didn’t bring him. I just wanted you to come.”

”Oh. I see.” 

“You said yes,” he laughed.

”Maybe I just like doing nothing with you. All we do it work and run around like crazy all the time.”

”That’s true.”

Another pause.

”This weekend was really nice though,” I admitted. He looked at me. I didn’t look back.

”It was, I think.”

”Because yeah we probably got too fucked up on Friday and Saturday nights, but just relaxing and not doing anything with you guys is actually nice.”

”You say that as if you expected it to be awful.” I smiled and shot him a look. 

“No I don’t. I just mean that it’s nice to see you—all of you—not stressed until you want to drink yourself to death.” Colby sighed.

”No, you’re right.”

”I know I’m right.”

”Yeah, and humble.” 

“Shut up,” I laughed and shoved his arm slightly. It gave out and he caught himself.

When we straightened ourselves and leaned back like we were, his hand accidentally landed close to mine. It didn’t touch me, but I felt the warmth between us.

This silence was still. Brutally, peacefully, still.

My tongue clamped to the roof of my mouth. I heard my heartbeat in my ears. As I tried to find something within the horizon to take interest in, the corner of my eye caught the expression on his face. He too looked forward, eyebrows pressed serious, and lips parted.

I would think he was lost in thought and had been for a while now.

As I looked at him slowly, his finger ever so slightly lifted and came over mine. I don’t think it covered but half of my finger, and I wasn’t sure if he touched it all that much. But it was there and I waited for the weight of it.

”Let’s get up. You haven’t posted on Instagram in, what? Three months? Why should we wait to take pictures later?”

”Bitch,” I gasped and sat forward. He looked at me. His eyes were still thoughtful and dark. But his mouth lifted to a smile. “I look like shit.”

”No you don’t.”

I left it at that.

A handful of photos—for both of our feeds—later, and we coasted down the hill twice as fast as we came up. My ankles were almost too weak to handle it from the photo session. I tensed my entire body to shake the thoughts away. My hands were so slick by the time it was my turn to snap photos of him that I thought I would drop his phone. I held my breath the second his shirt came up and off his body. I only really stared at the screen.

There was something about that moment that seemed too close, too serious, for me to look at him not through a screen.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t seen him half dressed before; it was basically his everyday wear. For some reason though, out by ourselves alone in the valley made it seem ten times more intimate. I’ve been alone with him in his bedroom when he hardly wore clothes, I’ve fallen asleep next to him on flights, in beds, on sofas. 

It wasn’t like this. My eyes couldn’t retreat from the areas the sun reflected on his skin.

When we got in the car, suddenly it was stuffy and hot, and we tossed our clothes to the backseat before Colby turned the A/C on high.

”Jesus Christ, it’s February!” He shouted. I laughed and held onto my drink. Of course it was flat and not cold anymore but it was something for my aching throat.

I forced myself to look forward even as his hand subconsciously met the back of my chair when he began to back from the parking space. Even with the over abundance of cameras on this damn car, he still never used them. 

“Aw shit,” Colby laughed as he looked at his phone.

”What?”

”Sam asked where the fuck I was.”

”Oh my god—“

”And then just asked to grab food on the way back.”

”Let’s get food then.” 

I spent the rest of the day with them.

When I walked into their spare bathroom downstairs, I paused as I turned on the lights.

My hair was a mess, my tan popped against the dark sports bra that caked with dust, and in the reflection were sun dazed eyes. Then I looked to the counter and the room spun.

Half of my make up and products I used to get ready sprawled across the granite counter. I forgot that on Saturday night I got ready here before we went out, and Tara sat in the bathtub eating her dinner and entertained me while I did so. My shampoo, conditioner, and body wash were in the shower. I looked back at myself in the mirror.

My towel hung behind me.

”Come on!” 

“I’m hurrying!”

”Let’s go!”

”Fucking trying, bitch!”

”You’re walking!”

The door slammed.

”Impatient animals, Jesus fuck,” Tara sighed. She turned back to me. I backed away from the mirror. 

“Wait we look hot let me—“ And Tara grabbed her phone and snapped mirrors selfies with the both of us before we exited the bathroom.

”Just put your shoes on in the car or else Sam will leave us here,” I told Tara. My shoes were also in my hand.

”Right, right,” she grumbled. “Coming.” I stood at the front door and waited for her. I scowled at the raging black clouds in the sky. There was no way we would make it into the studio before the storm began. “Surprisingly my ex-boyfriend would never treat me like this,” she grumbled as she hopped past me. I scoffed a laugh.

”Yeah because he knew he’d get his ass beat.”

”I mean you’re not wrong.”

We hopped in the back seats of Sam’s car, and that was how we started the last night we all had together before over a month of separate travels.

To be fair, we were running over 30 minutes behind to get the photoshoot we should have been ultra prepared for. We planned it nearly six days ago after Sam complained about not being a part of our morning photoshoot in the hills. Tara came along because, obviously.

Bickering was the only way for us to relieve the stress of not getting into the car as soon as we needed.

”If I find another one of these in the car, I’m fucking throwing it away,” Colby spat and chunked whatever tube of makeup into the bag Sam held.

”Excuse me, that was mine—“

”Was,” Colby cut me off with a little too much emphasis.

”I’m pretty sure they stopped making those—“

”God fucking thank you then. Now I don’t have to throw one away everytime I climb back here to get shit.”

”You throw them away?” I cried. Colby glared at me from where he leaned inside the trunk of his car. 

“Yeah? They would end up crawling back over here anyway.” I rolled my eyes at the muted pitch of his voice. 

We stood at the back of the car for all but ten seconds while we each grabbed different things for the photoshoot and the podcast we were about to film and within those ten seconds, the angry clouds decided it was a good time to rain down on us.

As Colby slammed the back shut, I followed Tara straight for the door to the back of the studio. She already was safe under the patio cover. 

The tension in the air wasn’t funny or a joke anymore.

I repeated the expression I saw on Sam’s face in my head when I whirled around and followed Tara. He wasn’t messing around anymore. He didn’t look at me and only stared at Colby waiting for his next command. 

Needless to say, it never came.

Colby didn’t say another word until we were on the set.

It had been a few minutes. We caught our breaths while our hair and makeup were freshened. Tara and I gossiped between ourselves to calm down and keep ourselves occupied.

And then it was time for photos.

This morning we woke up late. We went out last night and didn’t set alarms. With two podcasts and a photoshoot scheduled, the day started off high stress. We scrambled to get ourselves to the podcast. We surprisingly were only ten minutes late.

This time, however, we somehow were not as lucky. 

Between getting food, driving across the city, and changing, we didn’t get enough time in between the first podcast and the photoshoot. Of course this used up the last of Colby’s patience. He was snappy and unapproachable because it was supposed to work, and now, other people had been waiting for us and the podcast was pushed back as well.

Sam and I were wholeheartedly fine with taking the brunt of it too. 

But by the time I walked on set, my own frustration pooled in my stomach. Colby’s eyes still flared angry and spiteful even as I looked at them. He blinked a few times before he looked away. 

We posed and were posed by the photographers for such a long time, I was tired of pretending to smile and, honestly, I was simply tired of being perceived in such a vulnerable way. Sure, the other three were more used to it, especially Sam and Colby, but damn. I was fatigued and dizzied with alternating emotions.

Tara and I posed alone together next which was alleviating. 

My brain turned off.

Then it was Sam and Colby’s turn alone.

My brain turned on when Sam gestured me over. 

I wanted to coil up and rot in my bed. I was tired, Colby stressed me out, Sam was snappy with me, and Tara just wanted to sleep. We were falling apart, but when I came back to them, they were somehow brighter. They talked to and cooperated with the photographer more, and the three of us got shots that I was actually excited about. 

What numbed me and gave me a second wind was the feeling of Colby’s hands on my waist, him against my side, and our backs to each other. He grabbed my arm during a pose set up and I swore my skin melted to the bone. I felt it through the rest of the day.

Then, we changed and did it all over again.

An hour later, we were leaving the studio when Colby got the call.

The last podcast was canceled.

No one talked when we piled in the car. It was pure silence, and I looked in the rear view mirror slowly. I watched Colby. He looked down at his phone and texted for a little while until he started music. Then he looked up. His eyes locked on mine. 

No one spoke. Neither of us looked away. He didn’t look happy, to say the least.

”What are we going to do?” Sam sighed. The only one brave enough to speak to Colby was him obviously; he was the only one Colby wouldn’t kick out of the car. Probably.

”I don’t know,” he sighed and looked away from me and adjusted how he sat. His head hit the head rest. “I’m fucking tired and done with today.”

”Let’s just go out.”

”Again?” I gasped. The burning in my throat from last night returned. 

“It’s Saturday night and I know a group’s about to get dinner before hitting a couple clubs,” Tara said as her eyes still locked on her phone. I looked back at Colby. He was already looking at me. I looked back at Tara.

”I mean, we have to be at the airport at five in the morning.”

”We’ll sleep on the plane.”

”Being hungover on a plane doesn’t seem like a fun way to fly.”

”You’re flying regardless,” Colby intervened. I looked back at him. His eyes were thinner, darker. “Let’s just go.”

”Fine.”

And that’s how we ended up drunker than we ever had. 

I was hungover before I finished my umpteenth shot, Tara was on the table, and Sam found the girl he had been talking to. Of course she was a part of our group now; the group Tara texted.

The haze in Colby’s eyes calmed me down. He spoke enthusiastically and smiled more than not. Finally, it felt like we wound down to our regular selves again. 

“Come on!” 

“I really can’t—“

”Please! It’s our last time here for a while, let’s just have fun!”

”Tara, I can’t even walk straight without running into things. What makes you think I can dance?”

”Everyone’s so close anyway, you don’t have to hold yourself up.” Her arms yanked me out of the sofa before another protest had the time to settle. I was followed.

I didn’t know by who, but I felt the presence behind me as we made our way across the dark club. Finally, Tara led me across the threshold of the dance floor. Then she spun around and didn’t let go of my hand. 

Her eyes lifted behind me. An evil smile pulled at her mouth.

”What’s wrong—“

”Nothing,” she cut me off, and pulled me from looking behind me. “Come on.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I felt the music reverberating through me like a vessel already. If I was going to be in pain all day tomorrow, I might as well make the most of it tonight.

It didn’t take long, but I felt a hand on my arm, a pressure on my body, and I turned around wildly. A face I couldn’t recognize, and Tara yanked me away, closer to her. 

I watched her mouth but I couldn’t hear her words. I nodded and smiled in agreement anyway, and danced with her.

And again, hands found my waist, but this time more pressure in places that I definitely didn’t ask for it to be, so I gasped a breath and whipped myself around, but the hands were off of me before I got the chance to see who it was.

I looked up to Colby who shoved someone—the pressure I supposed—behind him. He looked back to the man who grabbed me. Violently, he spoke and shoved again. I didn’t understand what he said but I agreed. Wholeheartedly.

”Colby,” I gasped as if he could hear me.

With the shaking of his head, he stepped into my personal space.

”How did you know I didn’t want to dance with someone?” He scoffed. 

“I don’t care if you wanted to or not, clearly you didn’t ask for that.”

”I could have taken care of it.”

”And? That was gross. I was right there.”

Right, Colby followed us to the dance floor. That’s right. I felt his eyes on me the entire time.

”Why were you watching us?”

”Because you’re drunk as hell and both of you are half the size as the majority of people here.” Why did I like the hostility on his tongue? I almost tasted the alcohol that intoxicated him.

”Yeah, that’s all it is, isn’t it?”

”What else would it be?” There it was. That flirty flick up of his eyebrow. We were the only three paused in the sea of dancing bodies.

”Just—Come on,” Tara grumbled and gripped both of our elbows. “Can’t have any fun with you when Colby’s around, can I?”

”What the fuck does that mean?”

Tara didn’t respond. 

She went back to friends, but Colby grabbed me and held me back.

Again, his grip was heaven itself there in that hell hole. I spun back to him. I didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered across my full face before settling on my eyes. Drunken mistakes.

”No, tell me,” he said. Lowly.

”Tell you what?” I scoffed. He rolled his eyes.

”What else would I defend you like that for?” My gaze fell from his eyes, his nose, lips, chest, the floor.

I shook my head.

”I’m drunk as hell.”

”Yeah same,” he sighed. He took a step back. His eyes didn’t leave me though.

”Why do you look at me like that?” He shook his head. Don’t ask the things you don’t want to know about. “Stop looking at—Talk to me,” I demanded.

”You’re so—“ He gritted his teeth and his voice caught in his throat when his hands found my face and held me still. My lips parted fairly widely as shock rose my eyebrows. His eyes looked at me. With intention. 

My body caught ablaze, and I didn’t like it. Not this time. This kind of wildfire was destructive; non rebuildable.

”Colby—“

He just looked at me. Even closer. I almost felt the sweetness of his mouth on mine.

”I’m more of an all or nothing kind of girl, Colby, not—not a one and done like you,” I said. My calmest words laced with a poison that furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t do those smash and dashes like you do, so if that’s what you’re looking for, you can go back to those models you fuck every other day because that’s not the kind of body you’ll find here.”

Hurt spread across his face. His hands slowly fell from me, and for the first time, I wanted to take the words back.

“Really?” He gasped. It cut deeper; his hurt. I didn’t mean it. 

Maybe I got it all wrong.

”That—Really? That’s what you have to say to me?”

”Colby,” I spat his name through teeth weakened by grit. “Don’t ruin our new friendship, I was liking it way too much.”

”I’m not ruining anything. You don’t know what I want.”

”Then you’re confusing. Too complicated for me.” I stepped away from him. He took a step towards me. “I don’t appreciate my best friends using me.”

”Good. I don’t either.”

”So what’s this?” I gesture to his hands. “Why do you touch me like that? And why does it look like you could kiss me at any moment?”

”Are you projecting or something? Because my wanting to kiss you doesn’t equate to using you.”

A laugh burst from me.

”So when you kissed all those other girls in front of me even after we texted the way we do and after you fucked them, you didn’t use them?” My head cocked to the side in defiance.

Fire blazed in his eyes.

”You’re ridiculous.”

”I am?” I shouted.

”You don’t know anything.”

”Right,” I scoffed. “Not like you’ve made advancements in helping me know something—Colby.”

He grabbed my face like he did and shoved himself back into my space. This time, I felt his front collide into mine. My hands grabbed his wrists.

I froze.

My lips parted the moment his grazed mine.

He caught me. His eyes lifted to mine with a smirk slowly pulled at his dark lips.

“So you talk your shit but you’d still kiss me back?”

”Fuck you,” I spat. He smiled evilly.

”You’d love to, wouldn’t you?” He molded his words over my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth for more. 

“Mm, maybe,” I mumbled. His eyes blew wide when I bit down on his bottom lip. “But I would love it more if you didn’t fuck me over after.” 

He shook his head quickly.

”I wouldn’t,” I think he gasped so quietly that only by the breath on my skin could I discern his words. 

I retracted my teeth and replaced them with my lips. 

That was when one of his hands traveled to my messy pulled back hair and he kissed me with such intensity that I’m sure I fell to the ground. A noise escaped my throat but I didn’t back down. I couldn’t when his hands were firm on my body like he knew it already. 

So of course I kissed him back like he was mine.

He always was, wasn’t he? I licked into his mouth first, and I think it caught him off guard because a deep moan pressed against my tongue and his thumb jutted under my chin as if to hold me in place. The taste of our drinks mixed in our mouths, and I breathed him in like I needed the hit.

I think he moaned my name; all this time he took a step and then another step into me as if he aimlessly tried to find a stable surface to pin me but couldn’t. He was too drunk to remember that we were in the middle of a bustling club. I ran into someone. I didn’t care.

I took advantage of his leap of shock and my lips wrapped around his tongue. That was when his eyes opened and he slowly looked down at me in surprise when we ever so slowly retract from each other.

”Holy shit,” I thought I heard, and we must have both heard since we both looked over in the direction of our friends. 

Sam stared back at us and Tara’s pouty smirk fired directly at me.

Colby took three big steps away from me. Looked at me.

”Colby,” I said but he left me and walked towards Sam.

Sam and Colby walked towards the back door of the club with a dictionary of words between them. Tara stood in front of me.

”It’s 2:30, we gotta go and get ready for our flight.”

”But—But Colby—“

”I know, but we gotta go. Sam was going to be sick.”

I took her hand as she took mine and her friend dropped us off at my house. 

The taste of Colby’s lips was the only thing that kept the vomit in the back of my throat.

That sunrise was not kind.

I vomited while packing. I vomited while in the Uber. And again while waiting at the terminal.

At least we got through TSA without a vomit session.

I wanted those hands on me again. To numb the pain. I typically didn’t hurt this bad with a hangover.

I plopped in my seat and Tara already cuddled up into me with her neck pillow and blanket. I checked my phone.

New message from my best friend, but that was it.

I couldn't blame them—to be fair—it was still the night for them, and if Sam had to be sick while at the club, I knew he would be drunk until the late morning and hungover by sundown. Colby on the other hand was drunk, but I couldn’t tell if he was drunk enough to be hungover. I couldn’t read him at all tonight—last night. I understood his mouth perfectly well though, and unfortunately I wanted to communicate more.

Or fortunately? I couldn’t decide quite yet.

I fell asleep before we took off.

When I woke up, the sun blared into the cabin like a lightning rod. I moaned and squinted my eyes, and stretched in my sleep.

”Oh good, you’re up,” Tara said. I looked over at her. Her AirPods were in, a roller was in her hair, and she watched Netflix on her laptop as she filed her nails. “I was getting bored.”

”Jesus Christ, Tara. I’m going to be sick.”

”Ha! No you’re not. Take this.” She handed me a pill and what looked to be an antibacterial wipe. “I don’t give a fuck if you gotta stick that wipe up your nose; you won’t be vomiting on this plane. That’s so embarrassing.”

”Tara,” I moaned and sat up more. The nausea sickened me. I dry swallowed the pill. The alcohol from the wipe did, in fact, aid my hangover bile. ”What time is it?”

”Ten. We’ve been on the flight for like four hours.” I sighed and sat upright in my seat with my eyes clamped shut. My thoughts battled to ward off the nausea. “So, Sam and I walked in on you making out with Colby last night.”

”Oh my god, don’t remind me.”

“What the fuck was that about, huh?”

”God, I have no idea”

”And you didn’t even do anything after as well.” I shot her a glare. 

“The fuck you mean ‘do anything?’ Obviously we weren’t going to fuck if that’s what you’re saying.” I rolled my head away from her and leaned it on my hand. It needed physical support too not just emotional. 

“What are you talking about?” She laughed. “The tension has been making me sick. I thought you guys were finally going to get it over with.” 

That annihilated my ability to ward off nausea.

”I’m going to throw up.”

”Fucking don’t, bitch,” she threatened me with her nail file. “We have to get our nails done in New York because I feel like a dirty girl when we’re going to nice clubs or whatever.”

”We can get them done.” The thought of a nail salon scent quenched the nausea.

”Anyway, about Colby—“

”I do not want to hear that name right now.”

Tara looked at me with concern. A frightening silent concern. The concern was only heavily serious when Tara was quiet.

”He didn’t look happy after he kissed you. What happened?” And how could I lie to that hushed worrisome voice.

”I told him that—oh god what did I say?” I tried to remember as I rubbed my eyes. Thank god Tara convinced me to take off—and also partially helped me—take off my makeup last night. “I said something like I’m not into hooking up like he is—Oh, I’m not a one and done kind of girl. I told him I wanted all of him or nothing.”

”Shit,” Tara gasped. “That’s kind of a lot, isn’t it?”

”I mean he tried to kiss me, Tara! Before we even talked about it.”

”Okay? What’s the problem with that?”

”I really enjoyed our friendship,” I sighed. “I don’t want it bursting into flames. Hanging out with them and working with them is amazing, and once it does inevitably fuck up after we actually date, then I can’t lose them.”

”I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but you could still be friends with them.” I sighed heavily. Tara’s eyes still examined me.

”There’s no way I could feel for Colby the way you do for Jake right now.”

”How come?” I opened my mouth to speak but no words found me. “You—You’re really serious about Colby, aren’t you?”

”Yes, but-but not to say you weren’t serious about—“

”No, I know,” Tara quickly said. “I get it. We’re a lot less unserious after our relationship. We just tried it and it was fun be we aren’t meant to be together romantically.”

”That’s the thing, Tara,” I grumbled and finally looked at her. “How do you not get attached? I’m already scarily attached to him. Fuck; I hate him for it too.” She lips curled in a smirk. “Stop fucking looking at me like that.”

”You are so down bad for that man it’s hilarious.”

”What would be hilarious is if you shut the fuck up.”

”Just admit that you love him so much that you would rather never see him again than not be romantic with him.”

”You’re literally putting words in—Do you not hear the words coming out of my mouth?” Tara rolled her eyes at me and I sighed. I settled in my chair. 

“I know. I get it, I do.”

”I just don’t know what I’m going to do, Tara. I already fucked up a lot between us whether we pursue each other or not.”

”How come?” 

“I basically called him a slut too.”

”You-You what?” She gasped. She choked back a laugh before it burst out of her. “That is the most diabolical thing—“

”I know it was so wrong of me, but I was drunk and terrified.”

”I know.”

”Tara!” I gasped. “He fucks everything that breathes!” The anger stung my gritted teeth and she parted her lips with surprise. “Do you not fucking see it?” I shout in a whisper. “He has a new fucking partner every damn week which-which whatever, that’s fine, but then he texts me the way he does and it’s like he wants to get in my pants too, just for the sake of it!”

”Whoa, how do you text? Give me your phone.”

”No way.”

”You sent him nudes?”

”What? No!” My blush flared hot. She rolled her eyes.

”I’ve known Colby for so long, it’s nothing I haven’t seen.”

”We haven’t fucking—Wait what the fuck does that mean?”

”Jesus Christ, no need to get wound up. I haven’t fucked him; remember Jake used to live with them. I stayed there weeks at a time.” I nodded and handed her my phone. We really didn’t have anything important to hide.

As she read the texts, my heart quickened. Her silence scared me.

”Oh my god,” she gasped. “The damn tension is even worse in text.”

”Give It back,” I spat and stole it from her. “What tension? We’re just friends.”

”Pf, yeah; friends that are able to make any conversation dirty talk. Now stop being a pussy and-and suck his dick or something.“

”Tara!” I cried. I shoved my phone back in my bag. “There’s no way—No! I-I can’t do that.”

”Oh right, you’re so in love with him you want to have sex with him and let him kiss you all gentle—“ Her silly baby voice physically ignited the fiery anger inside of me.

”Seriously,” I spat and held my hand up. “It’s not like that.”

”Oh,” she gasped. “Right, it’s Colby I forgot. He might not like gentle sex.”

”Nor relationships, so let’s stop speaking about something I can’t have.” Tara looked at me as seconds ticked by.

”You do really like him.” I nodded slowly. “If you liked him enough, then what could come of it would be worth risking ever speaking to him the same way again.”

I stared at her wide eyed.

Where did that wisdom come from?

”Potentially.”

“Then talk to him like an adult. And don’t do it when you’re drunk; you disrespect him like that again and he’ll cut you off without you even getting about to suck his—“

”If you’re so obsessed with his dick, why don’t you suck it yourself?” I spat.

”Damn, alright. He’s yours.”

”He’s not mine,” I spat. “If last night was anything to go by.”

”No no,” Tara exasperated. “You literally have it all wrong. He looked so-so enthralled by you, that you’re already his. That’s why it pissed him off so much.”

”He wouldn’t be pissed off if he talked to me like an adult and didn’t fuck other women.”

”Talk to him.”

”You’re acting like you know something.”

”Obviously neither of them talk to me and I supposed neither of them talk to Johnnie or Jake because those two boneheads are clueless as always.” I smiled. “Talk to him. Both of you attitudes are starting to piss me off. I just want to have fun with my best friends without stepping on eggshells.” She sipped her drink.

”I fucking need one of those.”

”It’s a mimosa.”

”I know.”

”You literally were about to throw up.” I rolled my eyes and kicked back in my seat.

”I need to be drunk again.” 

“Ma’am, yes ma’am,” she sighed as she eyed down a flight attendant. “Oh, you’re fucking hot by the way.”

”Exuse me?” I choked on nothing.

”Your tattoos are great, and I can’t believe you sent him and underwear pic.” My face burned.

”That was on accident. I was delusional and got out of bed before I was awake at 6am.”

”Yeah, uh-hu. Keep telling yourself that.” And Tara caught the attendant as she passed us.

Between us and the hangovers, it was easy sailing until touchdown. 

When we stepped into the airport, my phone rang off the hook with late messages. Of which, Colby was missed. My stomach did that familiar flip at the sight of his name in my messages.

I stared at my phone wide eyed and breathless, and it must have taken me far too long to get going, because Tara peered over my shoulder.

”Damn, see I told you. He set the stage for you, now speak like an adult.” I looked at her sunglasses covered face. I judged her for looking like a freak wearing Jake’s inappropriately too large hoodie with the hood over the roller in her hair as she wore sunglasses on her face that were big enough to cover a horse’s eyes. 

Not like I could judge; I might have been wearing Sam’s hoodie and Colby’s sweatpants with my own sunglasses covering my hangover but that’s neither here nor there.

“Let’s go,” I told her and we bulldozed our way through the airport and towards whichever fancy hotel Tara picked the month prior.

And the hotel was very nice.

It was large enough for an entire group to crash in after a night out. The window showed the evening city as night fell, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up in the bed that could easily hold four people. I stared out the window for sometime as Tara got settled in. I could have been thinking about our plans for the morning, where we were going to get—most likely—brunch and where we would go thrifting after, but there I stood in the nicest hotel room in New York City I’ve ever been in thinking about Colby.

I thought to text him now. 

I will.

Maybe.

My eyes fell heavy, and it took effort to pull myself from the window. 

“Thinking about room service. Forgot to get food before.”

”I know, I was just dreaming about this bed,” I moaned as I collapsed into it.

I fell asleep before Tara got off call with room service.

I woke up when the food came.

”Get up or else I’m eating all this pizza.” I slugged over to sit hip to hip with her as the food sprawled ahead of us. 

“I’m beat.”

”And once we eat, we can sleep so long and happy once our bellies are full.” She logged into her Netflix on the TV as I scrolled on my phone.

“Okay can we eat now, like damn.”

”Sorry,” I laughed as I read the last word he sent, and my phone was tossed to the bedding. 

“How much will you text him? This is supposed to be our chilled out work week; emphasis on boyless work week.”

”Yeah I know, I was going to call him after we eat so we can talk about whatever the fuck happened last night.”

”Okay,” she said as she took a bite.

“Then we will be boyless.”

”Good.”

And she was right. My eyes rolled back even more so as the pizza settled in our systems. She got ready for bed as I slid out onto the balcony to talk to Colby. The chilly air was certainly more than enough to prevent me from falling asleep.

”Hi.”

”Hi,” he said back. “How are you feeling?”

”I’m good, better,” I sighed. “It was kind of the worst flight of my life though.”

”That’s what I was worried about. Good thing you made it through.”

”Yeah, hardly though. Tara threatened me and stuffed alcohol wipes in my nose every time I moved.”

”Oh my god,” he laughed. “I felt really bad last night. You were so sick and then Sam was sick—god, he still is—and I was just like, ‘shit, maybe this was a bad idea’ especially after—everything.”

”Yeah, I know. But-But it’s fine; it was fine. I had a good night. Just won’t do it before a five am flight ever again.”

Silence.

”I wanted to talk about last night though, like what happened between us.”

”I know,” I sighed and released the energy. “First I wanted to say sorry for what I said to you; I didn’t mean it and it was really disrespectful. I was so drunk and should have closed my mouth especially since that’s your business anyway. I feel really bad and didn’t mean it.”

”I-I know,” he said not too convincingly. “It—I mean, I get where you’re coming from and alcohol amplified everything.” My eyebrow twinged with question.

”What do you mean ‘where I’m coming from?’”

”I mean—“ He took his time and I bit through the first layer of skin on my lip. “I-I guess it’s no secret I’m not with anyone and don’t—didn’t have any plan to be. I—oh my god—I was going to say I wanted to just have fun, but I’m such a mess it isn’t fun anymore.”

”Why are you such a mess?” My voice was low as if it knew the answer.

”I guess I’m not wanting to be alone but I’m also just not-not wanting to commit or anything.”

”Oh.” I didn’t mean to be so short, and he took a breath to say something quick but I interjected. “Why did you kiss me then? You heard what I said and I did—and still do—mean it. So why did you kiss me like-like you meant it or something?”

”I’m just as confused as you are about it.” I didn’t appreciate the frustration in his tone.

”Oh yeah? What’s so confusing about it, then? I’m not confused.”

“What?” He gasped. I could tell I picked and picked at the seams until he couldn’t keep it back anymore. “You told me I was confusing to you last night. I’m confused as well.”

”I’m not confused about the situation but I’m confused about the damn choices you’re making.”

”Oh yeah? And what choices are those?”

”How every time you look at me I’m trying to decipher whether you want to kiss me but then you don’t and go kiss another girl like usual. I’m not into this whole—this whole yearning thing. I don’t do situationships or adjacent dysfunction, okay? So if you want to kiss me like you did last night, then I’m the only one you’re kissing and that’s what I’m not confused about.”

”You think I don’t want to kiss you like that?” He gasped. My throat clamped together. “If last night was anything to go by, you’d know that I’ve only ever wanted to kiss you like that. But it’s so much more real.”

”How is it so real?” I scoffed. The bitterness flowed from me, and I didn’t hold it back. How could I? There was so much unknowingly built in my chest and it needed to be relieved. “If it were real, you would kiss me. You wouldn’t fuck any other thing that breathes; you would come to me.”

”Jesus fucking—I don’t fuck anyone! Why do you keep saying that?” 

Speechless choked me.

”You-You what?”

”I’ve slept with two people all through last year and no one this year, alright? Just because I might have fun or take photos with people doesn’t mean shit. I’ve only slept with—“

”You don’t have to tell me. I’m-I’m not—I trust you.” I didn’t like the way my voice shook, but I sat still in disbelief. Those nasty things I told him—

“Please,” he sighed. “I’m not—I don’t like to fuck around like that. I mean yeah maybe I do, but not like that. Not the amount you think I have. Do you really think so poorly of me?”

”I don’t-I don’t think poorly of anyone who does that, Colby. Especially not you. The thing that ticked me off was how you treated me. I could only think of those girls; did they know that you talked to me like that? Did they like to hook up meaninglessly like that? I didn’t want to be responsible for any messy situation that came of it.”

”And you wouldn’t have,” he said all too sweetly. “It’s my responsibility and I wouldn’t throw you under the bus like that. I mean; if there even were a bus. Every time I would ‘take someone home’ they would just leave in their own Uber and I’d go back with Sam. Or if I went to their house, honestly I would just crash at Jake and Johnnie’s for the night so that Sam could have the house for the night.” I never thought about those things. Unfairly too; I always believed the worst.

I took a lengthy pause. I was still upset. Unsatisfied. So I yanked harder.

”Then why do you loop me into all of this? Why play with me and kiss me just to go back to how we were?”

”Who said I would ever do it?”

”I don’t know!” I burst out. “Maybe it’s because I saw with my own eyes the amount of girls you were with and didn’t know the details. It’s like you wanted me but kept me on edge for fun.”

”That’s not-That’s definitely not what happened or what I was thinking at all.”

”Then what is, Colby? What the fuck are you thinking about me then, because I’m getting fed up and—“

”I’m thinking that if I just got my shit together and-and got over things I was scared of, I could have you and talk to you about how I feel about you.”

”Which is how?”

”God fucking damnit, you’re really making me spell it out, hm?” I shrugged.

”Obviously. I’m not here to fuck around anymore. I like having fun with my friends and I do not like being used and thrown away. I have more self respect than to be fucked over again and again.”

”I wouldn’t do that.”

”And you’ve given me no reason that you wouldn’t or proof that you would do any better.” The phone etched into my palms from the amount of force I used to hold it.

”God fucking—“ He paused and I heard a breath. “You’re so fucking difficult.”

”I’m difficult? You’re putting my through the ringer because you can’t communicate.”

”I can’t communicate? When did you ever tell me that you didn’t like it when I was with other girls?”

”I don’t know maybe because it’s not my fucking place? Jesus Christ, you think I have the audacity to nose my way into your business?”

”Well you’ve fucking nosed your way into every other area of my life.” I dragged in a deep breath.

I saw red. I finally understood what it felt like when people said that.

”Oh yeah? And whose fault is that exactly?”

”It sure as hell isn’t mine.”

”I swear to god! Ugh! You’re so fucking annoying!”

”I’m annoying?” His voice finally raised. “You’re the one who flirts with me and I get the message that you want something but then you tell me ‘oh, no my expectations are so much higher than what you could reach’ and then get mad when I can’t reach them?”

“You haven’t fucking tried!” I finally yelled. “And you’re projecting! I have never given you my expectations for a relationship and yet you still think you can’t reach them, what am I just some selfish bitch to you or something? You haven’t asked or talked to me about anything serious at all! The only thing you know about my personal needs in a relationship is that I’d like for it to be exclusive and serious. I didn’t realize that was just so fucking hard for anyone to give me.”

”Becase you’re looking in the fucking wrong direction!” 

I paused for a moment. I licked my dry lips.

”Oh so then you think the problem is you? Because I know having standards—and low ones, might I add—isn’t typically an issue for people.”

”You are—oh my fucking god.” I heard the way his voice grew quieter as he pulled the phone from his ear in frustration. “Maybe—listen to me—Maybe I think you’re looking in the wrong direction because you need someone who can fit your expectations. Not because you’re too much but because I care about you enough to make sure you’re taken care of and not at risk for it blowing up in your face since clearly that’s all I’m good at.”

”Colby,” I gasped. 

This was never about my behavior. This wasn’t even about our lack of communication, then. 

“When did I ever say I didn’t want you.”

”What?” He spat. “I never said—“

”No, but clearly you think you’re not good enough for me. You don’t know what I want outside of a stable relationship, and that I know you can give me if you try.”

”How do you know that?” His spite was thicker than the words he said.

”I mean-I mean I don’t but you’re smart and clearly you fucking care enough so I supposed you’d figure it out.”

”But that puts you at risk.”

”Fuck!” I yelled. “For as often as you put your physical body at risk with Sam you certainly are against it emotionally. Maybe I know that it’s a risk liking you as much as I do, but maybe it’s one I’m willing to take.”

”But you want—“

”Fucking hell, Colby. I just wanted you!” God it felt so good to say. “I just wanted you without having to worry that one day I wouldn’t be able to see you again because-because if it does blow up, I’m not sure I’ll be able to be friends with you after. That’s how much I care about you and need you.”

He was silent and my own anxiety took the wheel again.

”I-I really liked our friendship and don’t take that lightly; I hope you feel the same way about it—“

”I really do,” he reassured me. 

”Then that’s why I didn’t want to be the one to start something more with you. I didn’t want it to blow up—“

”Oh so you wanted me to start it so that whenever it does inevitably blow up, you can blame me?”

”That’s not what I fucking said now, is it Colby? I said—“

”No.” It was so incredibly final that it took center in my stomach like a knife. “I’m not—We’re not doing this.”

”So then that’s it?”

”How much more do you want to lose?” It hit me. He wouldn't be able to go back after that kiss.

”If you think we’ve already lost something, then how bad could it be?”

”I can’t fucking do this right now.”

”Oh come on,” I laughed. “That’s so—That’s such a tap out.”

”No, I’m serious. You’re literally asking me to solidify a relationship with you so that when we break up, it can be my fault.”

”That is not what I’m asking you to do. Like, at all.”

”Yeah? Then what is?”

”I’m asking you to stop being so fucking scared of everything.”

Silence.

”I want you to stop trying to control everything around you all the time. You can’t control how I feel. Stop blaming yourself for things you haven’t even done! I’d never blame you if things didn’t work out between us. But I am blaming you if you keep yourself from me just because you’re scared.”

“I’ve never been so scared of anyone like I’m scared of you.”

”Colby—“

”The way you make me feel is too much. I can’t-I can’t fuck us up. I’d rather you at a safe distance for forever than nowhere near me at all.”

”And if it all blows up, what are we going to do?”

”I can't think about that—“

”No, tell me.”

”I swear,” he laughed.

”Colby, tell me now.”

”I—We’re going to stop speaking. I know that much. I won’t be okay for a long time—“

”What if it all blows up but we just stay together anyway?” He was quiet again as if it was the most confusing thing in the world.

”What-What are you talking about?”

”Things go wrong in relationships all the time. That's why only the people who choose to stay together and work on themselves for the other person last more than 20 years. I don’t understand why a disagreement or argument can derail an entire companionship if they actually care deeply about each other.”

The way he said my name made me forget all the other times my name had been said.

”It’s that much?”

”What?” I asked.

”You actually want me that much?”

”I could.” It was the truth. I did want him—badly—and with time, maybe he could be the only one I would want.

”I think I could let myself want you that much too.”

”Colby, stop saying you’ll ‘let’ yourself. Not everything has to be controlled; literally chill out and let things happen.”

”Okay, okay,” he sighed. I, too, was tired of arguing, and with that sweet tone on his tongue, I wished to sleep cuddled into his side. What a way to begin a month apart from each other. “I trust you.”

”Good. I trust you too.”

It felt like the end of the conversation. I didn’t know where it left us, but we were farther than where we started.

I also trusted the fact that we had much time to think about things before we saw each other again.

”By the way,” he said with that goofy tone that I knew meant something outrageous was brewing in that head. “‘Smash and dash was so fucking funny. If you didn’t literally break my heart in that sentence, I would have cried laughing.”

”Oh my god, shut the fuck up. I have no idea where that came from—“

”It was so good.”

The night was brutal. It took me a second to register the fact that I shivered like my life depended on it. 

“Colby,” I mumbled. “I care about you a lot, and maybe that’s why I’m so-so protective, or something, of what—or of how I feel. I didn’t want to stress you into something you didn’t want, and I didn’t—I don’t know—I don’t want to see you scared or in pain.”

“I know, I know. I care about you as well which is why I tried to get rid of my confusion and frustration in some way because I didn’t want to hurt you or not be enough for you. It—All of this is a lot, and I’m not ready for it.”

”Maybe we won’t be,” I sighed. My breath piled in front of me. “We can wait.”

”Yeah,” he agreed.

”I’m so sorry but I’m literally—I’m outside because Tara’s in there and it’s so fucking cold so I was going—”

”Oh my god, yeah go inside.”

”Okay.” I stood up. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

”Okay, also, thanks for talking. You can be—god—you’re so fucking pushy and you never back down.”

“And you’re so damn combative it’s hard to not fight with you.”

”No one usually fights me, they leave or, I don’t fucking know, listen to what I say.”

”Ha!” I burst out laughing. “That’s so funny. I only listen to myself. I like you a lot, okay? So I’m going to fight back if you sound like an idiot.”

”And you sound like a spoiled bitch who always gets her way.”

”No,” I dragged out. “I just do this thing called thorough communication, and I never sacrifice the things I value just because some boy wants to fuck me.”

”Whoa,” Colby gasped. “I never expected you to sacrifice anything.” I laughed as my face heated up.

”Oh okay maybe so, but you want to fuck me then?”

“We are not talking about that right now.”

“Oh come on, you could have just said no.”

”And now you sound like the idiot.”

”Whatever, I’m going inside so I don’t have to freeze my ass off anymore.”

”You do that. I’m getting food then sleeping another ten hours.”

”Okay good,” I smiled. “Bye.”

”Bye.”

Even when I curled up in my bed happy and content and warm as I could be, I still shook to my core.

And it wasn’t from the winter air.

I woke up to the sound of an alarm, and Tara sitting up to turn it off.

”Why?” I complained. “Why so early?”

”It’s literally nine am. Let’s get up and get ready.”

”Fine,” I grumbled. I stretched so hard that I nearly missed what she said.

”I was asleep by the time you came in last night, what did you and Colby talk about for so long?”

”Honestly? We just argued the entire time but we’re fine now.”

”What?” She laughed. “What did you fight about?”

”Colby’s personal bullshit. Also, we may or may not date; we aren’t sure.”

”That is literally the most you and Colby thing I’ve ever heard,” Tara laughed as she got up. ”You guys are so exclusively not exclusive.”

”And you are so already breaking your rule for having a boyless trip.” She smiled at me as she pulled her glasses on.

”You’re right. Now get ready; we have bagels to eat and thrift stores to infiltrate.”

The day ended as fast as it came, and when we woke up the next morning, we decided to stay in and have a self care day instead of walking because our legs cramped. 

I don’t remember another time my mind emptied of stress and worries about work, scheduling, and recording. Maybe we filmed a few videos, and maybe we vlogged, and maybe we met up with friends for a video, but it was a week of my life that my job melted into a privileged everyday life rather than a literal job.

After Tana and Brooke showed up, it was time for a little less self care to say the least. 

He didn't respond.

“You’re breaking the law.” I looked up to Tara who sat on the edge of the bed talking to Brooke. I leaned against the head board and dropped my phone to the sheets.

”What are you talking about?”

“See, I didn’t know if you were or not but you just gave yourself away.”

”What law do we have this week?” Brooke asked.

”No speaking about or texting or calling males this week.” Brooke’s eyes rounded and snapped to mine.

”Who were you texting?”

”N—“

”Colby,” Tara sighed.

”Okay, that’s great. Thank you so much for letting that cat out of the bag.” Then Brooke’s eyes widened.

”Am I not supposed to know?”

”No,” I sighed and scooted closer to them. I stole a gummy worm from the bag in between them. “It’s a situationship I fear.”

”Oh I see,” Brooke laughed as a smirk pulled on her rosy lips. 

“And it’s becoming a situation for all of us because you keep texting him.”

”You should be glad we aren’t at each other’s throats anymore.”

”I don’t know if you two being at each other’s throats is as bad as being down them anymore—“

”Oh my god, Tara, no. That’s-That’s too far.”

”Yeah, mhm,” she sighed with raised eyebrows. Tana came from the bathroom. “It’s almost like you were the one who went too far with him first.”

”Who’s him?”

”Colby,” Brooke replied to Tana faster than anyone could think.

”Oh,” Tana said as she looked at me up and down. “Honestly that checks out. Is this new?”

”As of three days ago,” I sighed. My head met my hand as if I massaged a headache.

”It’s actually been a nine month long languished yearning slow burn from both of them but apparently Colby has trust issues and she’s just too cut throat for him.”

”Tara,” I spat. “You are just full of it today aren’t you?”

”Yes, now I understand how everyone else felt when Jake and I first started dating and I’m getting flashbacks so I’m snappy.”

”Clearly.”

”You both are breaking your own law,” Brooke intervened.

”That’s true,” I said to Tara with eyebrows raised.

”What law?”

”No speaking about men on this trip,” Brooke told Tana to which Tana laughed, of course.

”I am a felon.”

✧˖*°࿐

Taglist (Comment to be added):

@a-random-google-user

#colby brock #sam and colby #sam golbach #18+ only #minors dni #colby brock smut #colby brock x reader #rosie writings

[miniwheat77]

Blood. (141 x Reader.)

!sexual assault, groping, violence, blood, THIS IS SENSITIVE MATERIAL YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!

The first time it happened, you brushed it off like it was an accident.

He’d finished talking to you, sent you on your way and where he was standing. His hand brushing over your backside.

In your gut it felt wrong, but you brushed it off.

The second time. It was much different.

He was scolding you for something stupid, a new recruit had messed something up under your watch and he’d reached out, groping you through your shirt. You shoved his hand away, mortified. But he only moved closer. “It’s okay. You’ll learn to be good.”

Just as you were getting ready to bolt away, he gripped your wrist and forced you closer. His lips right near your ear. “If you tell anyone about this, I’ll have your job. And you don’t want that right? Be a good girl.” He breathes. Breathing in the scent of your hair. You trembled as you left his office that day.

The commander was hungry to be higher than everyone else, and why it was you he chose to harass you’d never understand.

You were making your way out of his office. Trembling. Tears pooling at your waterline. You made your way to your friends car. She told you she’d take you off base for the day. When you asked for the day off, you payed the price. Just as you reached her car, your phone rang. You lifted it up, seeing his name flash across the screen. You took a deep breath, answering it. “I’ve got a gift for you when you come back tonight darling. Don’t be afraid when you come into your room.”

You hang up the phone. Resting your arm on the top of the car. Burying your face into your elbow and letting out a sob. Your friend looks at you sympathetically. “Y/N..” she breathes. She’s the only other person who knows. She’s tried to convince you to tell others plenty of times, but you won’t budge. Scared of what he could do. Knowing what he’s capable of. “Hey, everything alright?” You hear Gaz’s voice. But keep your face buried in your arm. You hear her sigh. “No. No nothing is alright.” She answers for you. “What’s going on?”

Gaz and Soap had just gotten off of watch. “It’s the commander.” She crosses her arms. You wipe your eyes, looking up at her. “Just.. don’t. It doesn’t matter.”

Soap moves closer. Seeing just how distraught you are. “He.. he’s been…” she freezes.

Gaz looks up. “Is he touching you?” He looks at you.

You drop your head again. Gaz and Soap exchange glances. Soaps jawline hardens as he grits his teeth. “For a couple months now.” She answers for you. “Take her off base. We’ve got it.” Soap pats the top of the car. “Wait- what are you going to do?” She asks. “Don’t worry, he won’t do anything anymore.” He’s answers. “Just.. take her out.” He nods.

The both of you get into the car.

“What do you think they’re going to do?” She looks at you. You turn your head to the window.

“Don’t know. Hopefully kill him.”

“What are we going to do?” Gaz asks Soap. “We’re going to get Ghost and Price first.” He opens up the door to Captain Price’s office, thankful when Ghost is sitting there. “Boys?” Captain Price raises an eyebrow. “Commander Mason has been assaulting Y/N.”

Soap crosses his arms. Price’s face hardens immediately. “What?”

“We seen her out in the parking lot. Fucking distraught.” Gaz answers. “Are you sure?”

“About positive sir. Said it’s been going on a couple months now. Assuming he’s been threatening her rank.” Price nods his head. “Alright. Come on.” He stands up from his chair, and the four of them walk down the hallway together. Price goes in first and the others wait outside.

He knocks at the door. “Come in!” He calls. Price steps inside, being sure to leave the door open. “Ah, Captain. What brings you in here?”

“I’ve just been informed that you’ve been inappropriately touching people on my base.”

Price can see him stiffen up immediately. “What?”

“Y/N is lying.” The words leave his lips before John can answer. “Weird… I didn’t say who told me, did I?”

His eyes are wide. He’s just sold himself out and he knows it. “This has nothing to do with you, Price. I suggest you stay out of this. This discussion is over.” He goes to walk out the door, but Soap steps into the doorway, leaning up against the frame.

He’s got a knife in his hand and he’s moving it back and fourth. “Don’t think you’re going anywhere, buddy.” Soap smiles. “Tell the truth.” John crosses his arms, leaning up against the desk. “I.. I don’t know what she told you but it’s not true.” He backs up into the wall behind him. “See… that’s where you’ve got it wrong. Because she didn’t tell us anything. Someone else did. But since you jumped to conclusions, you’ve just incriminated yourself so much more.” Gaz shakes his head. “You’re supposed to be someone girls can trust. How many women have you done this to hm?” Soap has moved and the other two men have walked in, Ghost still blocking the door. “You’ve got it all wrong. Look.. we can call Y/N in and she’ll clear this whole thing up.”

John shakes his head. “No. She’s… out. And.. you’re never gonna see her again. Not ever.”

“Yes I will.”

“No. You won’t.” John draws his gun. Seeing the panic flare in his eyes. “Let’s take a walk.”

———

When you got back to base, you got out of her car and made your way back inside, dread in your chest. He probably talked them down. Probably told them you were lying and they believed him. So he’ll be waiting for you in your room, like usual. He’s probably going to hurt you this time.

You open up your door, but it’s quiet. You take a deep breath.

“Y/N.”

You spin around, seeing Captain Price standing there. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Come with me?” He asks. You nod your head. Following him. You follow right along side him. “Why didn’t you come to me sooner, darling?”

You look at your feet as you walk. “I was scared.”

He nods his head. “I’ll always believe you, you know that?” He sighs. “I want you to know that I’ve got your back and I’d NEVER let anyone do that to you. None of us would.” You follow him outside, it’s starting to get dark. The sun has disappeared behind the mountains around you. He leads you out to the garage, where he opens the door of the Humvee for you.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m going to show you something.”

He reaches across the center of the Humvee, slowly resting his hand on your thigh. He’s trying to soothe you. “I’m sorry about what he’s done to you. And I want you to know it’s not going to happen anymore.” You rest your hand on top of his. Squeezing it slightly. You’re not scared of him. He never scared you. He’d never do anything to hurt you. Nobody in this task force would.

He pulls up to pretty much the middle of nowhere. Getting out and moving around the other side to open your door for you. You follow him up to what looks like disturbed ground.

“What is this?”

“It’s a promise I’m making you.” He turns to look at you. “What?”

“Nobody is going to hurt you ever again, not as long I’m around. No matter what they say to you, they can’t hurt you. They can’t fire you. Can’t get you into trouble, if something happens, you come straight to me.” He looks at you. You nod your head. “Do you understand me?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Because if they do.” He turns to look at the ground.

“They’ll end up here.”

Your eyes widen when you realize what he means.

“Thank you Captain Price.” You breathe. “I’m just.. so glad that it’s over.” You sigh.

“Us too. Now let’s get back. I’m going to help you move your room. I know you’ve got some bad memories in the last.”

“How do you know that?”

“He told us everything.” He turns away from you. Bile growing at the back of his throat.

“You’re safe now, and that’s what matters.”

#call of duty mw2 #cod mw2 #soap mw2 #captain john price #ghost mw2 #price mw2 #captain price #johnny soap mactavish

[wires-and-hellfires]

hello I was wondering if I can request a vox x overlord reader dating but it’s a secret since it could mess up something with work anything like that but one day they were at club and while they were making outside in the alley and someone goes outside and sees them making out and takes pictures and it gets on the news and like everywhere

Stolen Moments

Pairing: Vox x overlord! reader

Description: You both agreed your relationship was best kept a secret, but some things are out of even an overlord's control.

Warnings: Thievery, Vox being jealous/possessive, mentions of weapons, mentions of soul contracts, Valentino mentioned being creepy,

Author note: Ahhhh thanks for the request, this was a blast to write! Added some details because I'm dramatic lol. Hope you enjoy!

The second you got his text you were out the door and down the back stairs.

The city was busy downtown at this time of night, filled with drunks, gamblers, dancers, and everything else hell has to offer. Going through the crowds would be tedious and time-consuming.

Glancing at your phone again, you moved towards the pipes on the wall behind your apartment building and pulled yourself onto the roof.

There were faster ways through the city if those knew where to look, and one did not become the overlord of thieves without knowing how to move quickly and unnoticed.

Halfway to the location, a sinner perched on a roof startled as you landed next to him, reaching for a gun.

"It would be best for both of us if you never saw me and went back to... doing whatever the hell you were doing up here," you murmured, watching his eyes go hazy and grip on the weapon slacken before continuing on your way.

You reached the back alley of the club in record time.

Vox paced behind the building, his screen illuminating the darkness.

As you approached, purposely making your footsteps audible, he spun around and closed the distance between you two. Allowing him to maneuver you against the wall, you blinked up at him as he loomed over you.

"Hey, woah, okay then, nice to see you too-" but he didn't respond with his standard grin and remark about needing to be close to you or some bullshit, instead, just continued to stare, as if memorizing your face beneath him. "What's got you all worked up?"

And that set him off.

"Fucking Valentino, the wrinkly prick, needs to learn when to keep his fucking mouth shut-" and oh, yeah, you knew where this was going.

You met Valentino earlier that week, entirely by accident, and had it been anyone else, you would have 'persuaded' them to forget about you and moved along, but as another overlord, he would be difficult to convince. So, instead, you let it go. That was clearly a mistake.

He'd been creepy then and was seemingly still being creepy now, if Vox's possessiveness was anything to go by.

"-who does he think he is? Calling you a 'thief of hearts' like he's fucking clever-"

Vox knew you were in the middle of planning a job, the bastard, and he still messaged you an ominous "come here quick" text? What an asshole.

"-doesn't he know you're mine-"

"Vox."

Vox paused in his sentence, arms mid-gesture.

"He doesn't know I'm yours because we haven't told him. Or anyone. You know that."

You and Vox had decided early in the relationship to keep things private.

Your job was easiest if you were a nobody, just another face in the crowd and a shadow on the wall. Dating Vox would mean everyone in the Pride Ring knowing who you were and what you looked like.

Beyond that, Vox was a businessman and prided himself on his reputation. Though most people didn't actively dislike you, being in a relationship with the overlord of thieves may bring some scrutiny to him and VoxTech.

Grabbing his bowtie, you pulled his face closer to yours, grinning as he stumbled and caught himself on the wall behind you, effectively caging you in.

"Besides, you forget, you're mine too-"

His screen glitched and you couldn't help but laugh, tracing the edges of the monitor.

"How about you show me that I'm yours, huh?" you asked coyly, watching his gaze move down to your lips.

Preparations for the heist could wait.

When you two pulled apart again, he smiled softly at you, looking more like the Vox you knew in private, the Vox that was yours.

You were a bit possessive too, who wouldn't be when he's looking at you like that?

He was so distracted that it took him a few moments to realize what you were holding as you dangled his wallet in front of his face, smirking in triumph.

Regardless, he just sighed and took a step back, straightening his blazer.

"What? I think I deserve compensation for you interrupting my work and making me come all the way here."

"Baby, you already have my card, what do you need my wallet for?" he asked, exasperated.

Try as he might, you could see the fondness in his gaze anyhow.

"Fine, fine-"

Grinning, you handed him back his wallet and kissed the corner of his screen as you slipped past towards the entrance of the alleyway.

"-now go play nice for Velvette like you promised, and I'll see you at your place later, yeah?"

It was only after you'd left a meeting that evening, a new soul under contract, that you saw the photos.

Passing a TV store, you glanced at the news playing on one of the displays and froze.

That was you. You and Vox. Kissing.

"-is dating the overlord of thieves! Said to be able to steal anything, even souls, we have to wonder-"

The photo wasn't great quality, but clearly, it had been circulating for a while, as they managed to identify you and your status as overlord.

Ignoring the prickling stares on your back, you slipped into an empty antique shop and called Vox.

"Send a car, I'm coming over early."

"Ah, so you've seen the news then?"

"Vox-"

"Already on it."

Arriving through the back entrance to avoid the crowds of reporters, you escaped into the elevator up to Vox's floor.

Vox was waiting for you when you stalked into the living room.

"Did you know?"

He didn't hesitate.

"No, no I was a bit busy at the time. Besides, that phone was ancient, it probably wasn't on my servers." He paused, and, sensing your mood, added, "I'm sorry this will affect your work."

Well, that was rare.

Vox wasn't one to apologize unnecessarily, his ego was typically too big to even consider saying sorry unless someone told him he needed to.

But if he didn't know, well...

You sighed.

"It's alright, not your fault. Too late to scrub it from online, anyhow, everyone has already seen it."

Moving closer, he wrapped you in his arms, warming you from the chill of the outside.

"Hey, bright side, they think we look good together!"

"Vox-"

#vox x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox

[hamsterclaw]

My Girl

A Love story. Read the rest here.

Namjoon's always careful about his words, but he mis-speaks, and he doesn't want to take it back.

Pairing: Namjoon x F! reader

Word count: 3.8k

Genre: Exes, college flashback

Warnings: Sex, swearing

Namjoon sometimes wonders if something happened to arrest his emotional development.

People are supposed to grow aren’t they? Aren’t they supposed to evolve? They learn from their mistakes and they learn from living their day to day.

Everytime Namjoon sees you he feels like he’s 19 again, the same cocky shit who didn’t see anything wrong with asking you to sit on his dick two hours after you met.

He didn’t need to know your last name to know you’d feel good on the end of his cock.

He’d been humbled by how badly he’d wanted to make you come. Once he’d discovered the sweetness of your pretty face as you fell apart, he’d vowed to keep making you fall apart, again and again.

And you were always so so easy to please. You seemed always glad to see him, whatever time he turned up at your door.

You never really asked for anything, not to meet up on Valentine’s day, not to hang out on a weekend when he had plans, not for flowers or anything on your birthday.

The only reason he’d learned when your birthday was, was that he’d seen you with your friends, a whole big group, out one night. You’d been surrounded by love, smiling faces and Namjoon had realised then that you had love to spare. He guesses that’s why you had so much to give him.

Namjoon had dropped by a house party with his housemates, Yoongi and Hoseok, and he hadn’t been looking for anything other than a good time when you’d caught his eye.

You were standing backed up against a wall, talking earnestly to some guy in a shirt, and from across the room Namjoon could see the way the guy kept using his vantage point to look down your top.

The entire scene rubbed him the wrong way. You were way too pretty to be visually molested by some clown who didn’t even deserve to be talking to you.

He was halfway across the room before his rational brain caught up to his monkey brain but Namjoon shut that all out and kept walking.

He walked right up to you, cocked his head.

‘Hey, you look pretty.’

You’d smiled at that, turned to introduce the clown to Namjoon like you were all at some fucking tea party, and Namjoon had rolled his eyes, impatient.

‘Come on, let me get you a drink.’

You’d hesitated, and the shirt guy had tried to press closer to you.

‘She’s got a drink,’ he’d said.

Namjoon had just waited.

You’d said, ‘See you later, Marcus,’ and followed Namjoon round the back.

‘He’s not a bad guy,’ you’d said to Namjoon, after he’d got you that drink.

‘He spent the whole time checking out your tits,’ Namjoon had said, incredulous.

You’d laughed. ‘Don’t you do that too?’

‘I’m allowed. You’re my girl.’

You’d both froze.

There was an edge of something to your voice as you’d scoffed. ‘Am I?’

Namjoon had been appalled by his lapse.

‘One of them,’ he’d amended.

You’d said, not looking at him, ‘Yeah.’

He’d left the party with another girl that night just to prove a point. 

He didn’t need you.

***

There was one night when you’d seemed more subdued than usual.

You always were more cynical than chirpy but you’d been pretty quiet as you watched the movie together. He’d watched you checking your phone for a while before he’d asked, voice cold, ‘You waiting for your other fuckbuddy to text you?’

You’d turned to him, mouth slightly open in surprise. 

He’d watched as you processed his words, his tone, the look in his eyes.

He’d wondered if you knew how expressive your face was.

You’d said, ‘No. I’m just waiting for —-‘

He’d cut you off. 

‘So you want to get on my dick or not?’

You’d seemed to be lost for words, so he’d said, more aggressive then he’d intended, ‘Come on, you didn’t wear that dress because you didn’t want to get fucked, right?’

Your mouth had snapped shut, your eyes had flashed, and you’d said, ‘Shut up, Namjoon.’

You’d climbed into his lap, and he’d fucked you hard, until you’d been reduced to a whimpering mess in his arms.

He’d felt a pang of guilt as he’d seen the handprints he’d left on your ass cheeks, but you’d said nothing, getting your clothes on like you were leaving, after.

Namjoon had watched you, realised you hadn’t really answered his question.

‘Going?’ he’d asked.

You’d said, quietly, ‘Yeah, I gotta go.’

There was something about your manner that rankled, like you were so detached he barely registered to you.

Namjoon had yawned deliberately, drawled, ‘You can get back home ok on your own, can’t you?’

You’d both looked at the clock on the wall. 

2am.

‘Yeah,’ you’d replied. 

You’d left without a backwards glance for your dorm across campus, and if Namjoon felt relief when he saw you safe and sound the next day in class he felt no need to acknowledge it, even to himself.

***

The first week you were late to class he’d been a little surprised. You were, as a rule, punctual, always sat near the front like you didn’t want to miss anything.

He’d headed in your direction casually, to talk to you, but you were too quick, rushing out like you had somewhere important to be.

The second week you were late the professor had made a pointed remark about the start time and Namjoon had been close enough to see the way your expression dropped. You looked tired, and he was no stranger to tiring you out but you’d never looked so wiped out before.

The third week you arrived on time but towards the end of class Namjoon had realised you were asleep, slumped forward, head on your desk.

He’d seen the professor’s gaze on you, seen him about to walk over, and Namjoon had, without really thinking about it, shoved the stack of textbooks on his desk to the floor.

The slap of cardboard and paper on the wood floor had been so loud a girl near the front had screamed, and by the time the professor had looked back at you, you were sitting up, blinking, dazed but awake.

You’re fast, but Namjoon’s stride’s longer than yours. He catches you easily.

‘Hey,’ he says, falling into step beside you. ‘Want to meet up tonight?’

You smile up at him. ‘I can’t. I have work.’

‘You got a job?’ Namjoon asks.

‘Bartending. My dad lost his job and I need to start paying my own rent.’

You’re matter of fact about it. 

Namjoon says, ‘What about now? You have some time before your next class, right?’

***

Namjoon braces his hand against the headboard behind him, trying to stop it slamming against the wall as you ride him.

His cock’s in heaven, slipping in and out of your cunt, wet, hot, tight. The rest of him is as enthralled, the visual of you with your tits out, moaning as you fuck yourself on him has him most of the way to coming.

Namjoon knows that the way you are now, all he has to do is stay hard for long enough to pleasure you. 

You slam your hips down on his so hard Namjoon’s pushed back, his fingers clipped between the headboard and the wall. He barely registers the pain, because you’re calling his name, tightening on his cock, and he’s coming too, groaning his pleasure as he twitches and jerks inside you.

You bury your face in his chest, and it’s only when you mumble something incomprehensible that Namjoon realises you’ve fallen asleep. 

The warmth in his chest takes him by surprise. He’s sticky with sweat and sex, but he wraps an arm around you anyway. To his surprise, you snuggle deeper into his chest, your breath warm against his skin.

Namjoon likes it.

He must doze, because he opens his eyes to you, fully dressed, trying to fix your hair that he pulled into a tangled mess.

You give him a sheepish smile. ‘I’m sorry I fell asleep.’

‘It’s ok,’ Namjoon says. He’s soft with the honesty of sleep. ‘I liked it.’

The words leave his mouth and hang between you.

You appear to be caught in indecision, then you sigh and lean down. You press a soft kiss to his lips, and rest your forehead against his, hand on his cheek.

Namjoon breathes you in.

He doesn’t think he’s ever touched you before without the intention of fucking you. 

His mind races with all the things he could say, and he closes his mouth before any of it spills out.

You’re not waiting for him to gather his thoughts.

‘Thank you,’ you tell him, affection in your eyes. ‘I needed that.’

Namjoon wants to say, I needed you too.

Instead he smirks. ‘I like those panties. Are they new?’

You snort. ‘There you are, baby.’

You do up the last button on your shirt, the one he wasn’t going to tell you was undone because he likes the view of your tits.

Then you’re off.

***

Namjoon’s first at the bar in the dive off campus, his friends had told him what they wanted to drink but he’ll just get whatever’s easiest, fuck remembering the detail.

He registers that your profile looks familiar just as you turn to take his order.

You raise your eyebrow in greeting.

‘What can I get you, Namjoon?’

‘Out of here,’ Namjoon replies in a flash of honesty. 

Your lips curve as you stifle a laugh. 

You’re about to say something when Jiah, one of the girls he’s with, walks up. ‘We want shots,’ she says, hand on his arm, tugging him down even though he can hear her easily.

Namjoon loses eye contact with you as he turns to her.

‘I got you,’ you say, smooth, professional. 

You pour out the drinks, take the rest of his order. ‘I’ll bring them to your table.’

Namjoon hands you his card, you tap and hand it back to him with an exaggerated flourish.

By the time you bring your drinks over to his table Namjoon’s been thinking about you non-stop.

You set down the drinks, give his friends cheerful waves in greeting. 

Namjoon waits until you set his drink in front of him. 

‘When do you get off work?’ he asks.

‘Late,’ you say, your smile never faltering. ‘Have a good night, Joon.’

***

There’s some guy talking to you around closing time like he thinks you’re going to want to finish your shift and clock off with him.

Namjoon walks over, says your name. Looks hard at the way the man’s stretched over the bar like he wants to touch you.

You say something that makes the man step back.

You wipe down the counter, hang up your apron, and grab Namjoon’s arm.

‘I said you were my boyfriend so he’d stop hassling me,’ you tell him, going up on tiptoe to reach his ear. ‘Just play along for a bit.’

Namjoon, always ready to act like he owns you, slips an arm around your waist, throws the guy a look.

It’s when you’re out in the cool night air that you say, ‘thanks.’

Like Namjoon’s in a hurry to let you go.

He’s half-drunk, and horny, but he’s not in a hurry to try anything. 

‘Come on,’ you say. ‘I’ll walk you home.’

‘Nah, let me walk you home.’

You throw him a surprised look that honestly, makes him feel a little ashamed.

‘You want to walk me home?’

‘It’s late,’ Namjoon shrugs. He laughs, trying to make light of it. ‘It’s what your boyfriend would do.’

‘You can stop pretending, that guy’s gone.’

‘I don’t want to,’ Namjoon says.

Again, the words hang in the air between you. 

You grin at him, teasing. ‘You want to be my boyfriend, Namjoon?’

Namjoon thinks, Yes.

Namjoon shrugs. ‘Don’t you want me?’

You shrug back. ‘Do you want me?’

Namjoon thinks, Yes.

Namjoon says, ‘You’re the one walking around calling me your boyfriend.’

You laugh. ‘How drunk are you, baby? Want to come up?’

With a start Namjoon realises you’re at your dorm.

‘I have my own room,’ you say. There’s a note of uncertainty in your voice now, a quietness now the night is over.

Namjoon’s never been to your room before.

He follows you up the stairs, waits behind you as you unlock the door and push it open.

Your room is neat, uncluttered for the most part.

‘Hey, you want to watch a movie?’ you ask.

‘Sure,’ Namjoon says. 

He watches, a little amazed, as you tie up your hair, get changed into a loose tee and shorts. 

You’re unselfconscious about winding down from the day in front of him, and your ease makes him feel easy too.

‘I have a pair of your sweats,’ you say. You toss them to him.

Namjoon shucks his clothes, pulls on the sweats, looks around for a shirt.

‘You don’t need one, Joon.’

You say, ‘I’d normally take my makeup off now but I know you like it when you make my mascara run.’

Namjoon leans back against your bed, widens his stance.

You climb into his lap. Your shorts are so short he can see your panties.

Namjoon tugs them aside, presses a knuckle against your cunt.

He groans. ‘You always feel so fucking good.’

‘You too, Joon.’

He’s hardening as you grind against him.

‘Put the movie on,’ Namjoon grunts. He tugs his sweats down, fists his cock. ‘Then come and warm my cock for a bit.’

You lose your tee as you put the movie on, and when you come back to him he presses his fingers into your mouth, gentle with your jaw.

‘Suck,’ he says.

Namjoon pulls your shorts and panties down. 

‘Let me see.’

Obligingly, you get on all fours on the bed, let him finger you to the opening credits.

Namjoon pushes himself back, spreads his legs.

He positions you on him, and like every time, you take him so well, leaning forward without him having to ask.

You moan when he fills you, cock snug inside your walls.

‘Don’t move,’ Namjoon warns.

He tugs your bra straps down, cups your breasts.

‘These tits,’ Namjoon tells you, ‘Fill my hands just right.’

You’re quiet save for your moaning.

Namjoon can feel you getting steadily wetter on his cock as he touches your breasts.

His cock’s as hard as he’s ever been. 

Harder, as you arch your back to push your tits into his palms.

Harder, as you lean into his neck, cry his name.

‘Stay still,’ Namjoon growls.

‘Joon I’m coming,’ you gasp out.

Namjoon bites into his lip so hard he draws blood as you writhe your pleasure on his cock, cunt fluttering around his hardness so beautifully he almost gives in and fucks you.

He pinches your hip.

‘I told you not to move, baby,’ he says sternly. ‘Who said you could come on my cock like that?’

‘Couldn’t help it,’ you slur, so fucked out you’d think he’d been fucking you all night instead of just touching your tits with his cock in you.

Namjoon wraps his arms around you, holding you still.

He’s aching a bit now, he’s been hard for a while. He fucks up into you a bit, just to take the edge off.

Shit, you’re so wet, and so fucking warm.

You moan everytime he shifts his hips, like every change in position pleasures you.

‘You’re so big, Joon,’ you say, breathy.

Namjoon grinds your ass down into his lap, and you whine. ‘So deep.’

‘Yeah,’ Namjoon agrees.

You’re well into the movie now, though neither of you are watching.

You shift a little, rub the pads of your fingers against your clit, fingers spreading over the base of his cock.

‘Oh Joon,’ you shiver. ‘I’m gonna come again.’

‘Do what you like,’ Namjoon says, hoarse. ‘Just don’t fucking move.’

Your fingers move faster, drawing circles over your clit.

‘Joon!’ 

Namjoon feels the gush of your slickness dripping down his balls, and realises he’s coming too, cock twitching as he spills inside you.

‘Fuck.’

He pulls you under him to fuck you the rest of the way, collapses on you in a sweaty, panting heap.

He’s still hard, sensitive. 

‘Stay,’ you moan, muffled against the pillow. ‘Fuck, stay, Joon, don’t come out.’

‘I’ll stay,’ Namjoon agrees. He bites into your shoulder, and you shiver helplessly under him. ‘I want to come again.’

‘Yeah,’ you agree. You’re most of the way to unconscious now, wiped out by your two orgasms, whatever the fuck else you got up to today.

Namjoon thinks you’ve fallen asleep, but when he lifts up to take his weight off you, you turn your head.

‘You promised to stay,’ you say, accusing.

Namjoon doesn’t know why you being cute makes him hard but it does.

Does he need to get his kinks unpicked? Analysed?

I’ll stay as long as you want, he wants to say.

‘Make it worth my while,’ he says.

You smile like you heard his thoughts and not what he actually said. 

‘Go on, Joon, fuck me.’

Namjoon circles his hips, thrusts into you with a lazy snap of his pelvis.

You cry out.

He’s sensitive, but the way you cry his name when he’s fucking you like this takes the edge off.

‘One more,’ Namjoon says, turning you over to he can see your face.

‘Give it to me,’ you say, loose, fucked out.

Namjoon rolls his hips into yours, fucks you until you’re screaming. He’s leaked into you so much by the time he comes that he thinks it’s dry, just the pulsing of his cock.

He’s so fucked out he has no words left, not in his head, nor left unspoken. 

He holds you, and sleeps.

***

Namjoon wakes to you stepping back into your room in a towel, hair dripping.

‘I had cum all over me,’ you tell him, almost shy.

‘That’s what you get for being cute,’ Namjoon says, unrepentant.

You catch his eye in the mirror as you start getting dressed.

Namjoon rolls onto his side, arm under his head, to admire your bare pussy as you bend over to pull your panties on.

‘Stop staring —-‘

‘Stop showing it to me,’ Namjoon retorts.

He throws the covers off, gets up to show you how erect he is.

‘Want some breakfast?’ Namjoon asks, fist curled around his cock.

‘If you make it,’ you say, not quite getting it.

‘I’m making some for you right now,’ Namjoon says, stroking himself.

You’re backed up against the wall, bra half on, looking at him warily.

‘Come on. Get this cum out of me and I’ll get you pancakes,’ Namjoon coaxes.

‘And waffles,’ you bargain.

‘Sure,’ Namjoon says, agreeably.

***

Breakfast at the mall turns into a trip to the bookstore because Namjoon wants to pick up another book whilst he’s here.

You look through books as he makes his purchase.

‘You going to Mingyu’s party next week?’ Namjoon asks.

‘I can’t, I gotta work,’ you tell him.

‘Come on, it’ll be fun. One night off,’ Namjoon says, coaxing.

‘I can’t. I’m gonna be short on next month’s expenses as it is,’ you tell him.

Namjoon lets out a low whistle. ‘That bad, huh?’

You look at your shoes. ‘Yeah, I don’t want to ask my dad, he’s stressed enough.’

You laugh. ‘I shouldn’t even be in the mall. I have so much work to do.’

You look up at him. ‘This was fun though, I haven’t been out like this in a while.’

‘You can borrow my notes from politics,’ Namjoon offers.

You snort. ‘You’re the one always copying off me!’

Namjoon laughs. ‘I mostly just look down your top.’

You punch him in the arm.

‘Or at your legs,’ Namjoon adds, unrepentant.

He deflects your next blow easily.

‘Come on. I’ll walk you home.’

***

Namjoon watches, vaguely amused, as Hoseok pulls out all the stops to impress a girl. 

The amiable nice guy persona. Check.

The cheeky smile. Check.

Then, the kicker, the twist in the tail - a suggestive comment, delivered straight-faced, just to show he’s not all sunshine.

He’s never seen Hoseok fail when he tries, and sure enough, the girl, initially indifferent, is now looking for Hoseok’s attention. 

Yoongi, beside him, murmurs his approval. 

‘Where’s your girl?’ he asks Namjoon. 

‘Which one?’ Namjoon asks, unable to resist.

‘Shut up,’ Yoongi says, giving him a look.

Namjoon can see the group of girls by the door looking their way.

He straightens up, sips his drink, flexes a little.

Yoongi sees the direction of his gaze, turns his back on the girls. 

‘This asshole schtick,’ Yoongi says. ‘Gets old quick.’

‘I don’t want to pretend to be a good guy and get anyone’s hopes up,’ Namjoon replies. 

‘She seems like she’s got her head on right,’ Yoongi comments. 

Namjoon laughs, short. ‘It’s not her I’m worried about.’

Yoongi’s looking at him carefully. ‘That’s what I meant, Joon-ah. She’s not the kind of girl who hurts people on purpose.’

Namjoon changes the subject. 

‘You looking to hook-up, Yoongi? White dress has eyes on you.’

‘Fucking always a white dress,’ Yoongi complains, but there’s a spark in his eye. ‘Like they want to get married or some shit.’

‘I think you’re the one with the marriage kink,’ Namjoon snarks. 

‘Shut up. Asshole,’ Yoongi snarls, but he’s already turning, acting like he didn’t know this whole time that the pretty girl in the white dress has been eyeing him hard. 

Namjoon scoffs, leaves him to it.

He has somewhere else to be.

***

Namjoon’d texted you he was gonna come walk you home after work, just so he doesn’t look like some creeper lurking out here outside the bar.

You come out the back door, a little tired, a little dishevelled.

You smile, and Namjoon’s heart does a dangerous swoop in his chest.

You’re the prettiest thing he’s seen all night.

‘Here,’ he says. ‘I got you a snack.’

You accept the sour candy, pop it straight in your mouth. 

‘Ugh,’ teases Namjoon. ‘I’m not gonna kiss you now.’

You shrug, indifferent. ‘I’ll kiss your cock instead. It’s never an ass like you are.’

You slip your hand in his as you walk, casual.

Like it’s not the first time you’ve ever held hands.

Namjoon wants to tell you how pretty he thinks you are.

Instead he asks, ‘What panties are you wearing?’

You say, gently, ‘Shut up, Joon-ah.’

‘Make me.’

You scoff, look up at him. 

See all the way through him. 

‘You’re cute, Joon.’

You are too, Namjoon thinks.

‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’

©hamsterclaw 2023

#namjoon x reader #namjoon fanfic #namjoon smut #bts smut

[silvershiningtarot]

🧸Pac: Message From Your Divine Masculine & Feminine 💪❤️🍂

Disclaimer: this is a channeled message from your Divine Masculine and Feminine and see what kind of message they had to say to you guys. Enjoy! Remember this is a general reading.

Pile 1🫢 Pile 2🤞

Pile3🫂

🫶🏾❤️🫶🏾❤️🫶🏾❤️🫶🏾❤️🫶🏾❤️🫶🏾

“Hey, You! This is your husband. I'm gonna come out and say it. I'm kinda little jealous. I'm looking at someone else's success. Sometimes I be wondering how the fuck they got it and I didn't. That shit should be me. So I am trying to build up my business and seriously, be fucking jealous baby. But whatever though. Don't be like me. Baby, please, be better than me don't look at other people's success thinking or wishing that was you. Nah, you don't want their success because you don't know how they got theirs. I am your divine masculine. I dealt with a lot of bullshit from people who tried to knock me down. But I fought my way back up. I keep my head on my shoulders. I am my boss. I am an honest man/woman. I take accountability for my mistakes because I dealt with a lot of dishonest people in the world. I don't fuck with liars. I can't stand them. It frustrated me. So I know you are dealing with a lot of karmic friends and those people are lesson-learns. Don't worry about that contract is done with these friends of yours. I'll be there standing by your side making sure that these assholes don't touch you. That's right, I am your bodyguard, and if anyone has a problem with it then guess what I'll knock their head off their bodies. I dealt with a lot of bad friends in my life who stole from me and continued to say they loved me. Like the fuck! Wack! Forgot those bastard babies. You are so much better than that. Your aura and energy are perfect for them. So let's move on. I've made some mistakes in the past. That is unforgiven. Even I believe myself is unforgiven. But all the mistakes you've made and that I have made will help us grow to become better. But I am willing to change my attitude and my mindset on love ❤️. So, baby, we can do that together. I can feel it in your soul that you are willing to change your life and mindset. Here is my surprise to you. Will you marry me? I will get on one knee for you and ask you in front of the whole world that I will marry you. Do you fantasize about our wedding? Because I do. I would want to take the next step with you. Okay, whoever cyber-bullying you let me know. I will bust their head wide open. My advice to you is that don't listen to people and their bullshit. People love being happy in misery. So take my advice and focus on yourself and our future together. Imagine our wedding together. Once we do meet, baby, we will start our life together. You and I are each other’s new beginning. Remember us and where I'll be your new beginning your fresh start. We all need something new. My Queen to be as my forever. Don't ever tell me never. I promise you I'll make your life wild. I'm already crazy about you, my love. If you find me attractive then that's cool with me too. Yes, I have a big egotistical issue but I am working on it.

🍂❤️‼️🍂❤️‼️🍂❤️‼️🍂❤️‼️🍂‼️❤️🍂‼️🍂❤️‼️

“Okay, I know you think I do flirt with a lot of females and males. But that's just my nature. I am a charmer. I am a friendly kind of person. But with you, you are something special. You make me work for you. There are times I don't like that but other times, I fuck it with heavily💪. You put me on a whole different level than I ever experienced in my life. I have a little message for you, I'll be the type to bring you flowers even if you don't like flowers I'll change your mind about it. I'm starting something new in my life. I had to walk away from a situation that wasn't meant for me. I'm ending a lot of cycles in my life. I'm planning on relocating somewhere else. Maybe, closer to you. I want to clear my mind and move forward. I'm working on healing my inner child and watching a lot of cartoon movies and shows 📺 to heal my wounds. I feel that you and I will watch a lot of movies together. I know you need to heal your inner child as well. Watch some movies and cartoons shows whatever makes you happy. Shit, I'll watch it with you. That's not a problem with me. I feel that you need to pay close attention to your inner child. They need some attention. I have been feeling so lost. I went through some shit that I felt that nobody wouldn't understand. Because I felt stupid, unloved, and not heard. I didn't work on myself so now I'm trying too. I know you probably dealt with toxic connections whether it's a relationship, friendship, or family relationship. If that shit is toxic for you then might as well, get the fuck out of it. I dealt with a gaslighter and manipulated people in my life. I'm still going through it. I don't want you to go through it. Because I don't want you to feel lost or lose yourself for someone else bullshit. It just fucking lame to me. Excuse my language. I know it. I'm still dealing with a toxic relationship. I'm trying to move forward but my ex keeps coming around and I'm still in a relationship. Don't be as stupid as me. I keep getting heartbroken by her/him but I'm trying.”

🌸👏🏽🌸👏🏽🌸👏🏽🌸👏🏽🌸👏🏽🌸💐🌸👏🏽💐🌸👏🏽💐🌸💐🌸💐🌸💐🌸💐🌸👏🏽💐🌸👏🏽💐🌸

“Hey, Baby do you hear me calling? I don't want no drama. Because you're my darling. I'm sorry, my Goddess. I've been hard on myself lately, a lot of fears have been creeping on me. I don't know how to confront someone. Got any advice? I'm afraid to talk to you sometimes I feel that you are going to reject me. I dealt with a lot of false mask people. Some of my friends aren't showing who they are and my ex-lover is mine. I think I've been betrayed. I don't have time for it. My heart has been shattered plenty of times. I am just ready to move on with my life. Are you? I know you probably have unfinished business with your ex and so do I. But I am manifesting new love in my life. I want that new hope so I can have a fresh start with you. Can you believe me when I say it? I fantasize about having good sex with you. I wanna fuck your brains out. I wanna blindfold you and feed you strawberries 🍓. I wanna put all kinds of fruits around your lips and put them in your mouth 👄. Your tongue is sexy. Can I lick it? It’s just this ex won't leave me alone. They won't back off me. Every time I've tried to move on she/he always pops back up. What am I curse? Do you feel the same way? Like don't you wish that we could just open our eyes and then we just ended up in each other’s lives? That would be fucking fantastic. Haha 😂 anyway, how are you? Have you been eating? Are you eating healthy food and water? I hope that you are because your body is important to me 💔 your health is important to me. I want us to watch our children grow up and watch our grandkids play in our grass while we sit in our rocking chairs. As old people together. You are my rest of my life. Remember that.”

#pac reading #tarot reading #free tarot reading #tarot cards #fs pick a pile #pick a pile #divination readings #intuitive readings #love reading #pac reblog #tarot community #free readings #future spouse #tarotblr #welcome post #tarot sale #pac tarot #pick a card #18+ only #taroteverydamnday

[pupjakie]

CIGARETTES AFTER SEX

Pairing: dom!Beomgyu x sub!male reader

Warnings: sexual content, nicotine addiction, unprotected sex,capnolagnia, Y/n trying to smoke

Summary: just Y/n learning more about himself while watching Beomgyu smoking

Word count: 961

"Fuck fuck fuck!" you moaned loudly as your boyfriend, Beomgyu looked at you, your body twitching under the touch of his fingers around your cock and his dick in your hole, abusing your prostate for 2 hours already. His stamina was crazy, making you cry on his dick. "I-I'm gonna cum Beomgyu!" you yelled as his thrusts became sloppier. Soon after you both came and he helped you clean yourself up. He exhaustively laid down next to your body as his hand reached his pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. He opened it and took his lighter, inhaling the nicotine in his mouth.

He smoked way before you started a relationship with him, his idol life is already exhausting enough. One thing he doesn't know is that you love watching him smoking. He looks so attractive with a cigarette between his fingers and his plump lips. This time you took a better look. It felt different. You wondered what the reason was. 'Maybe it's because this is the first time he punished me?' you thought. You were always obedient to him but this time you decided to be a little slut and flirt with people in the club which he obviously hated and took you home immediately. He looked at you and kissed your cheek, keeping the hand where he held a cigarette in the air.

"Hey are you okay?" He asked. You couldn't hold back but to sit on his lap and kiss him, he was about to leave the cigarette on the side and turn it off to finish it later but you didn't let him "please continue smoking" you said, turned on as you kissed. He kept the cigarette in his hands as you two continued making out. He was careful with the hand in which was the cigarette while the other one was on your hips. Suddenly you could feel him getting a hard on underneath you, making you moan as you started kissing his neck, leaving hickeys just like he did to you earlier. He started breathing faster and heavier, his groans were deep, he was laying there tensely, waiting for you to take his big and veiny cock into your mouth.

Instead you smiled at him as he got fully hard and slowly pushed his cock in your hole, making both of you moan as you placed hands on his shoulders. He let out a deep groan at the feeling of your hole around his cock.

You slowly started off by slow bouncing on his cock as he took the cigarette, placing the filter between his lips as he sucked on it for a second and inhaled the smoke, blowing it out right on your face. You couldn't describe how good it made you feel. Fuck for a second you were about to go crazy. You started bouncing faster on his cock and moaning louder. Suddenly you decided tos switch his view as you turned around, letting Beomgyu face your ass as you held onto his thighs. Beomgyu pulled your body closer, with only one hand and whispered into your ear "you're going crazy aren't you? Such a slut you are, just look at yourself bouncing on my cock so shamelessly, even after I fucked you. Such a horny bitch you are" he whispered as you teared up, feeling like you're gonna cum. His free hand wrapped around your cock as you cried out "G-gyu! I'm gonna fucking cum!" You moaned out as he bit his lip and pulled you closer. "Cum now" he groaned. At the same second as those words left his mouth you came. You could feel him filling you up as you both moaned and he pulled you into his arms.

After a few minutes you were cuddling and as he caressed your hair, you were all cleaned up, with the new sheets covering the bed and him talking about the whole day.

"You know…I've never thought you had a thing for me smoking" he said trying to tease you "I wanna try tho…" you admitted looking at him. He looked at you kind of shocked "are you sure? I mean it's very unhealthy, especially for your lungs. And besides these are not good ones to start with because-" you stopped him by a kiss and sat up straight, taking the pack of cigarettes from the desk and the lighter. "How do you do that?" You questioned as you took out one from the pack and lit it up. You read out "Marlboro gold-" from the box while he sat up straight, looked at you and placed it into his mouth after taking it away, taking the first puff. "The first puff is bitter and these are kinda strong" he said as he looked at you and sighed "put the filter in your mouth first and then suck on the filter for a second while inhaling the oxygen and then just blow it out" he said as he did so, giving you the cigarette.

You got a bit excited as you happily took it from him and did so. After you inhaled you started coughing as you tasted the bitterness in your throat. "These are too strong, my love, if you really want to start be careful and start with some lighter ones-" you stopped coughing as you gave him the cigarette back "here you go- I don't think I like it- seriously how do you even like this?" You questioned, making him giggle "you just need to get used to it and start with the lighter ones and I'm not encouraging you to do it I just knew that one puff will be too much for you" he said smiling as he took another puff, exhaling it onto your face.

#bxb smut #kpop x male reader #kpop smut #txt imagine #kpop fanfiction #txt x male reader #txt hard hours #txt smut #beomgyu smut #beomgyu x male reader #beomgyu x yn #txt hard thoughts