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lostfracturess · 18 days

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symptoms and causes | ch. 11

x pairing professor!gojo x med student f!reader (medical au)

x summary he's arrogant, self-centered, and he's your professor. renowned for his brilliance in neurosurgery and infamous for his allure. too bad you have to work with him on this research team. now you're stuck with dr. satoru gojo, delving into the complexities of both the brain and the heart—and of how far you'd go for a love that could destroy not only him but you as well.

x wc 13.5 k (enjoy your meal lol)

x warnings [18+] this story contains substance abuse/addiction, overdosing, (rough) smut, mature themes, self-destructive and abusive behavior, manipulation, (heavy) angst, mentions of death / illness / blood, graphic medical procedures. reader discretion is advised.

x author's note hey loves!! thank you so much for your patience, i know it's been a while. buckle up, because we're taking another trip inside satoru's mind, so yeahhh. it's gonna be wild, oh and we're continuing right were we left off in the last chapter. this chapter is again in satoru's pov!! i've also updated the trigger warnings, so please take a look before reading (might be spoiling tho). and lastly, credit to the fanart in the cover, if you know the artist, pls let me know!! can't wait to hear what you all think & thanks for sticking with me!! ♡

series masterlist + playlist + ao3 + wattpad

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They say before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself first.

And there lies the damn problem.

I don't know how.

Never have.

Why am I thinking this now?

I knew this was right.

Right for her.

But then why does my heart feel like it's being ripped out by the fucking roots?

Suguru will take care of her. He always does. That's the only thing that keeps me from screaming, keeps me from chasing after her.

I trust him, damn it, but it shouldn't be him.

It should be me holding her. Me, who knows how she likes to be held when the panic claws its way up. Me, holding her until the world feels less sharp, less cruel.

Me, who knows that she doesn't want to talk about it. Me, who knows to give her space. She needs space. My strong girl needs space first.

I hope he gives her space.

But he wouldn't know any of this. He couldn't comfort her in the ways I instinctively knew how.

Me, who knows how to soothe the invisible wounds, the ones even she denies exist. Me, who knows the soft words she needs to hear after it passes.

It shouldn't be him.

Sorry.

It shouldn't have been him.

Past tense.

It all might be past tense now.

And the thought is more than I could bear.

Shattered.

Was that the word?

Was there even a word for what I felt in that moment?

How could I ever convey this suffocating agony that's tearing me apart with mere words?

Words are meaningless in the end.

Meaningless when they couldn't be spoken to her, couldn't reach her, couldn't make her understand, couldn't heal the wound I'd carved into her heart.

So, yeah, maybe shattered is the right word.

The wrong word.

The sterile air was acid in my lungs. Each ragged breath felt like sandpaper against my throat. I held my breath, a desperate plea for the world to stop spinning, for the clock to rewind, for a chance to undo everything.

But time doesn't care.

It marched on, relentless, while I stayed trapped in this hell, drowning in the mess I made.

My lungs burned. My vision blurred. I waited until she disappeared. The world seemed to tilt sideways, losing all color and shape, leaving only the sharp, agonizing realization that I'd made her walk away.

I didn't want to breathe anymore.

Not in a world where every breath ached without her.

"Dr. Gojo?" A voice, distant, muffled.

Irrelevant.

My gaze flickered to Sukuna. He watched, a predator savoring the kill.

His twisted smile fueled rage within me. But there would be no fighting this. No grand defense. Not when her life was the bargaining chip.

So, I lied.

Each word a nail in the coffin of the connection I craved more than life itself.

Each word a drop of poison forced down my throat. A self-inflicted wound, a desperate mutilation of the only thing that had ever felt real.

Her eyes, those beautiful eyes I loved so fiercely, wide with confusion and horror. The strangled gasp, the way her body went limp in Geto's arms — a haunting image that would forever be etched on my heart.

Muscles screamed, a silent protest against my own pathetic stillness. But I remained frozen.

This was my punishment.

I had to watch her leave, had to sear the pain into my very being, an endless penance for the choices I'd made.

The door clicked shut behind them.

That simple sound, final, absolute.

My lungs filled with air, a betrayal. Oxygen I didn't deserve, didn't want.

My own body, this treacherous thing kept going, kept me alive against my will, kept me tethered to this cruel reality.

The room swam back into focus, the judges' accusing faces nothing but a blurry backdrop. The sounds of their inquest washed over me like meaningless noise.

"Dr. Gojo? Can we continue?"

I nodded.

They pressed on. More questions about the research, her involvement, their accusations of favoritism.

How stupid.

Of course, I favored her.

How could I not?

She is everything.

Oh, sorry. Forgot. Past tense.

She was everything.

Did I regret it?

Did I wish I could go back and treat her with the same damn indifference I afforded everyone else?

Yeah, maybe.

A familiar craving stirred my senses, the desperate need for the numbing escape that would mean failing her even more. My fingers clawed at my forearm, trying to replace the hollowness with physical pain. It wasn't enough.

My responses were rote, mechanical.

Yeah, I favored her.

Yeah, I let her into the OR because of it.

Yeah, and she outshone every damn surgeon twice her age.

No, she didn't know I'd set it up.

No, she never asked for special treatment. She just worked until her eyes were bloodshot, pushing harder than anyone else.

And hell no, she didn't do a single thing wrong.

Except maybe — maybe loving me.

After what felt like an eternity, the judges seemed satisfied, or perhaps just exhausted by my robotic replies.

They painted me the arrogant professor with a weakness for a young student, who abused his power, who played favorites.

Whatever they wanted to believe, fine.

Didn't even have the energy to care anymore.

Let them drag my name through the mud, tarnish the reputation I'd worked so hard to build.

Because the title, the position, the facade of success meant nothing when all I wanted was to rewind time, to undo the damage I'd done to the one person who truly mattered.

I didn't feel anymore.

I was done.

─── ·✧· ───

I burst out of the courtroom.

I needed escape, not just from this sterile prison of a room, but from my own traitorous flesh.

That itch.

It was a wildfire beneath my skin, a thousand insects gnawing their way to the surface. My fingers twitched, claws desperate to tear, to bleed out the poison of this relentless craving.

My legs moved without conscious thought, pushing me towards my office. Somewhere. Anywhere I would be able to breathe again. The guilt was a serrated blade twisting in my gut, each movement slicing me open anew.

Her terror-stricken eyes seared into my very soul.

The walls of my office closed in, the familiar space suddenly too small, too suffocating.

My fist slammed into the desk. Papers scattered to the floor, a meaningless sea of white against the dark wood.

They didn't matter. None of it mattered.

A half-finished coffee mug followed. Porcelain shattered. Dark liquid splashed against the wall.

My blood roared in my ears.

Across the room, my framed diploma. I ripped it off the wall. Glass smashed. Sharp edges bit into my palm, drawing blood. But it wasn't enough. I hurled the frame against the wall.

Blood, hot and slick, coated my hands, the pain nothing.

In the shattered frame, I caught a glimpse of myself — wild eyes in a sweat-slicked face, a man on the verge of collapse.

It was a stranger.

I was across the room before I even registered the decision.

The drawer.

My fingers ripped it open.

There, like a coiled viper, the amber vial gleamed, a venomous promise of oblivion.

Don't —

Don't come at me now.

Did you really think I wouldn't keep a backup?

My hand reached, then hesitated.

The world lurched to a sharp halt as a knock pierced the chaos. My breath hitched, the vial a burning brand in my bloodied hand.

The door creaked open.

And there he was. Sukuna.

He leaned against the doorframe, that sickening smirk plastered on his face. It was like a lit fuse to a powder keg. The rage that had been gnawing at my insides, tearing me apart, finally found its target.

Before a single rational thought could form, I was on him. Fist to jaw, heard the crack, felt it in my knuckles. He stumbled back, the smirk finally wiping off his face.

I pinned him against the door. Forearm across his throat, crushing his windpipe. His eyes widened, but even then, there was that damn flicker of amusement.

"Well, well," he choked out, "this is a nice welcome back."

"Funny to you?"

He coughed, a harsh laugh scraping out of him. "C'mon, Satoru, relax. I did you a favor," he sputtered. "Your precious little student, she's better off now. You know I'm right."

Every muscle in my body tensed.

He was right.

In his twisted way, he was.

And that's what made it all so much worse.

My grip on his throat tightened. But there was nothing, no satisfactio, no release in the violence.

Sukuna saw it, the hesitation. His mouth twisted into a smirk again. "See, you get it. Sweet thing doesn't belong in this mess, does she? It's not for her, Satoru. It's for us."

His words scraped like nails on a chalkboard.

Yes, she was safer now, untouched by the rot that festered within me. Some desperate, logical part of me clung to that. But how could I hold on to that when my heart was screaming for her closeness?

"Or maybe," Sukuna drawled, pushing the knife deeper, "maybe you wanted to see where this goes. Stain her a bit, make her just a little bit more like you."

My breath hitched. For a split second, the floor vanished beneath me.

"Hit a nerve, did I?"

"Shut the hell up!" I couldn't face it, couldn't face the ugly truth as it would tear me apart. "You twist everything. Play with lives just for your own sick amusement."

This was his game.

Sukuna thrived on chaos, on exploiting pain.

He knew my guilt, my fear for her, and wielded it like a scalpel, laying bare the raw nerve of my fragile sanity.

"Perhaps. But ain't I right? You needed to end it, but you lack the guts for it. Waited a bit longer, it'd be a total disaster."

I hesitated, then my grip on him slackened. I stepped back.

"You know I'm right," Sukuna continued. "You know how this would have ended. Suspension. Scandal. She'll be doomed forever for getting involved with her professor for favors. You wouldn't destroy her like that, would you? You're not that cruel."

"I'm not so sure." I ran a hand through my hair. It had taken everything in me to push her away.

But I can't deny that an ugly part of me wanted to keep her close. Drag her down with me.

See her drown.

"Damn, you hit hard," he said, rubbing his jaw. "Go beat up some students again, not me."

"Stop giving me reasons to punch you." Exhausted, I slumped into my desk chair, burying my face in my hands. My head pounded, the infuriating itch worsening with each damn moment. "Was this your plan all along?"

"What?" he scoffed.

I lifted a single eyebrow at him.

"You think that low of me? Honestly, Toru, a bit of credit, please. It was your pathetic indecision that made this entertaining. You basically gift-wrapped this mess and handed it to me."

"Besides," he continued, "let's be honest, you were holding her back. Now maybe she'll have a chance to become someone who might surpass you one day. You wouldn't deny her that, would you? No thanks needed."

He was right, and I hated that more than anything.

Sukuna sank into the chair across from me, a picture of smug satisfaction despite the visible bruise. "Damn, that punch still stings."

I opened my desk drawer and wordlessly tossed him the bottle of opioids. His eyes widened in surprise, before he gave the bottle a knowing shake. "Still on the hydromorphone?"

I didn't answer. The sound alone threatened to shatter what fragile control I had left. The itch was unbearable, each nerve ending screaming for relief.

Sukuna observed me, a predator watching its prey struggle. "Withdrawal never suited you," he said, popping a pill. "You always get so—" he paused, savoring the word, "—tense."

"Yeah, real supportive of you."

"Actually, I'm being incredibly supportive. I'm leaving for a little research trip overseas—four months. Ethics committee can't meet without me, so—" He leaned back in his chair, his grin widening. "Gives you time to get your shit together. Isn't that nice of me?"

"Shut the hell up."

"C'mon, I put in a good word for you too. No suspension for now. You can keep teaching, just no surgeries. Yaga really hates my guts, doesn't he? But hey, at least you're not totally screwed."

"You expect a thank you?"

"Relax, Toru, the show's over," he said. "Trust me, they don't want a scandal, let alone lose their star surgeon. When I get back, a slap on the wrist, maybe a semester's suspension, then you're back to the boring old grind."

A bitter laugh escaped me. "Last I checked, you were the one pushing for a scandal."

He rolled his eyes. "Someone had to do it. Knew you'd drag this out forever, playing the tragic hero. Needed a villain to get things moving." He gave a mocking bow. "At your service, my friend."

"Also," he continued, leaning forward in his chair, "the focus is off you now. The committee's sniffing around those implant engineers. Funny, isn't it?"

Sukuna paused, savoring the moment. "Honestly, never thought there was anything wrong with your surgeries. You wouldn't make that kind of mistake. Tech malfunction more likely."

Of course.

The bastard never doubted the damn research. It had all been a game to him — my career, my sanity, her — just pieces on his chessboard.

It should've made me furious, lash out, pound his face in again — but all I felt was a bone-deep exhaustion, a weariness that seeped into my very soul. I was too tired, too hollowed-out to do anything but swallow the bitter truth.

"That supposed to make me feel better?"

"A little," he said, tossing the opioid bottle back. "This, though? That'll do the trick even better."

I caught it, my fingers clenching around the plastic.

He rose, stretching with a theatrical sigh. "Well, time to go. Remember, you owe me big time. You should take one," he gestured towards the pills, "you look like shit."

My grip on the bottle tightened. I looked up at him. "When all of this is done, I never want to see your damn face again."

He laughed. "We both know that's a lie. You and me? We need each other."

"The only thing you need is some damn therapy."

"Ah, Toru," he dismissed me with a smirk, "you'll come crawling back soon enough. We both know how this works."

With that, he was gone. I was left alone in the echoing silence, the pill bottle a burning weight in my hand. The world seemed to sway around me, my eyelids growing heavy.

The will to fight simply wasn't there anymore.

─── ·✧· ───

Cruel.

Cruel how one little pill can undo everything.

Cruel how one little pill can silence everything.

Cruel how one damn pill can soften the world, make it — bearable, almost.

Unfair.

It's truly unfair.

The screaming under my skin, that relentless itch — it's still there, but it had dulled to a faint hum, pushed back by the familiar numbness.

Finally.

Oh, finally some fucking silence.

I let out a shaky breath. It wasn't peace, not really. I knew that all too well. Borrowed time, each second ticking closer to the inevitable crash, the return of that relentless screaming in my head.

But for now, it'll have to be enough.

I collapsed on the couch, smoke curling lazily before my eyes.

I knew I shouldn't mix opioids with cannabis. That's something they teach you within the first year of university. What I used to teach students within the first year of university.

What a hypocrite I am really.

Another drag — harsh, burning down my throat.

The urge to close my eyes, to sink into oblivion, was almost overwhelming. But sleep wouldn't bring respite. Only nightmares. I knew that only too well.

So, I lay there, staring up at the ceiling.

It really came down to me failing again, huh?

What was it now?

Attempt number five?

Six?

I started losing count.

Maybe this was my fate.

A broken record, stuck on the same damn track.

Deep down, under the chemical haze, guilt gnawed at me. It was a dull ache now, no longer the searing pain of earlier, but a constant, insidious reminder.

She were out there, her life forever marked by my choices, while I was — here. Hiding in a haze of pills and smoke.

God, I hoped Suguru was looking after her. Making sure she ate, making sure she was safe — that she didn't hate me too much.

I brought the joint to my lips again, the smoke curling up towards the ceiling. It left an acrid taste in my mouth.

I watched my hand for a second.

Bloodied earlier, the wounds had scabbed over, the blood dried. It was perfectly still now, the trembling smoothed out by the chemicals in my blood.

I clenched it into a fist, then unclenched, watching the movement like it belonged to someone else.

Traitor.

This body was a traitor — betrayed myself, betrayed her, betrayed everything I held dear.

Weak.

Broken.

A pathetic mess.

Was that it?

Living as a slave to these chemicals to patch up my crumbling sanity one day at a time?

Chained to pills, each dawn a ticking clock until the next dose, until I could silence the screaming for a few damn hours?

My eyes locked onto the half-empty vial on the table.

Took too many, didn't I?

I knew that, even through the haze. But a cold certainty twisted in my gut. There'd be more. Always more. Until there was nothing left.

Before I could think, I threw another down my throat. Bad idea, probably, after a few clean days.

Suddenly, the haze warped, twisting into nausea. Bile rose in my throat.

I lurched to my feet, the world tilting precariously with each step. Surfaces rippled, the bathroom light stabbing into my skull.

I barely made it. My stomach heaved. Each retch wracked my body, leaving me gasping, weak.

Too many.

Way too many.

How the hell did I forget? Forget my body's limits? Somehow, I felt like some reckless student again, stumbling through experiments, blind to the consequences.

Stupid. So damn stupid.

Darkness swam at the edges of my vision. Another wave of nausea, and I was back, hunched over the toilet.

I hauled myself up, hands shaking, clinging to the sink. In the mirror, a stranger stared back. Eyes bloodshot, a sheen of sweat coating his skin.

This wasn't me anymore.

I splashed cold water on my face, trying to wash away the acid burn. Didn't help. Drops of water ran down my face, felt like they were melting the damn skin off.

My knees buckled. I slid down the wall, my head heavy against the tile wall.

The bathroom light, needles in my brain moments ago, seemed impossibly distant now. Each breath was a ragged gasp, each pulse a dull throb in my temples.

I waited for it to pass, the nausea, the haze. But as minutes crawled by, a new, searing pain gnawed at me.

My fingers trembled against my abdomen, pressing into the tender spot. Liver, of course.

Wrecked it, just like the rest of me. I'd known the risks, had ignored the warnings, and now my body was demanding payment.

How pathetic.

Darkness gnawed at the edges of my vision, pushing back against the stubborn spots of light. My head felt heavy, detached from my body. Arms and legs useless.

Each breath a battle I wasn't sure I'd win.

Time warped. Stretching, then snapping, leaving me floating in nausea and pain. Then I heard something — muffled, distant. Footsteps, getting closer.

My eyes struggled to make sense of the shifting shadows.

Then, a voice. Soft, achingly familiar. I couldn't make out the words, but the warmth of it—

I knew that voice — would always recognize it.

Cold water hit my skin. Hands, gentle, but firm, on my face. I strained to focus, to see her, to soak in the sight I needed, yet feared more than anything.

Oh, how desperately I needed to see her. Needed her to be real.

But my eyes betrayed me.

She must be so beautiful. She always was.

Then, a touch on my outstretched leg, a flash of metal — was that a scalpel?

Agony ripped through me, shattering the haze. I jerked back, my scream ragged against the tiles. My head slammed back with sickening force.

Before I knew it, a needle pierced my skin.

The room spun as whatever she'd injected battled the comfortable blur of the pills. Nausea churned in my stomach, the numbness receding with terrifying speed.

Groaning, I shifted on the floor.

My vision sharpened, my senses returning with brutal clarity.

The first thing I noticed was the metallic glint of the discarded syringe beside my leg.

Then the cut, a ragged gash through the fabric of my dress pants where she'd stabbed the needle in — the unnecessarily deep and brutal cut — but in the chaos, I let it slide. Didn't even register the pain as I watched the blood drain from the cut.

I reached for the syringe and read the label.

Adrenaline.

Smart girl.

But as I turned it over, a frown creased my brow. Two fucking milliliters? Was she trying to give me a damn heart attack?

I lifted my head, the question burning on my tongue. But the words died unspoken as my gaze locked on hers.

She stood there, just a few feet away, her breath ragged, her eyes — those pretty eyes.

Terror.

There was raw, unadulterated terror etched in her eyes. But I was right. She looked as beautiful as ever. Even with those terror-stricken eyes she was breathtaking.

She stumbled back, slumping against the wall opposite of me with a choked gasp, pulling her knees up. I didn't move, couldn't move, my gaze locked with hers.

The terror faded slowly, replaced by a weariness that was far worse.

For a fleeting moment, I saw a flicker of that familiar defiance, the spark I both loved and feared. But even that felt strangely muted now, as if even the energy to fight had been drained out of her.

She simply watched me. In silence, in that devastating silence.

How I hated her silence.

Because her silence was far worse than anything she could have screamed, any insult she could have hurled my way. Her stillness, her silence, was the most terrifying weapon she'd ever wielded against me.

And for the first time in a very long time, I was truly afraid.

Time stretched, then I choked out, "You're angry."

Her answer was blunt, devoid of emotion. "Oh really? What makes you think that?"

I glanced down. Blood still seeped from the gash in my leg. With a trembling hand, I fumbled for a towel and pressed it against the wound. "Your cut is kinda deep. Was that on purpose?"

She didn't say anything.

It probably was on purpose.

My gaze fell on the syringe. "Where'd you get that?"

"What happened to your hand?"

"I asked first."

"Don't try to play games now, Satoru. You're walking on thin fucking ice," she snapped.

"Shattered some glass," I said after a pause ", and punched Sukuna."

"Stole it from the hospital."

"What?"

"You think I'd date an addict and not have adrenaline on hand?"

My lips twitched into a weary smile. Oh my beautiful, brilliant girl, always prepared.

"But you know, two milliliters is a bit much." I moved my leg slightly to check if she had cut any tendons, which would complicate the healing a bit. "Or are you trying to kill me?"

Her gaze pierced me, colder than any scalpel. "Looks like you're doing a fine job of that yourself."

My smile faded.

Silence.

Oh, that cruel silence again.

She didn't say anything. Maybe I should be thankful for that, because if she said anything now, I'd probably crumble completely — if I haven't already.

Ironic, wasn't it?

How much power this woman had over me.

Yet it was me who destroyed her.

She dropped her head, ran a shaking hand through her hair, then looked at me again. "How much did you take?"

Huh?

Why would she ask that?

Didn't she see that it's over?

That I'm too far gone?

It was unbearable.

It was unbearable, how she could still look at me and see someone worth saving. It was unbearable, knowing she believed in me even when I didn't.

Almost pissed me off, how stubbornly she clung to that stupid hope. Because seeing that hope in her eyes — it made me hate myself even more.

I wouldn't change, couldn't. Not for her, not for anyone.

"Doesn't matter. It's over."

"Satoru, please," she choked out, pain raw in her voice, the pain I caused, "cut the crap and tell me. Now."

"It doesn't matter," I repeated, my voice cold. I couldn't bear the flicker of hope, couldn't bear to fail her yet again.

Then, the first tear rolled down her cheek and my heart shattered, the fragments piercing me from within.

I'd never wanted to be the reason those beautiful eyes filled with pain, the reason her sweet lips trembled. Every fiber of my being wanted to pull her close, erase the hurt I'd caused.

I would have given anything, sacrificed anything, if only I could make it stop.

But I couldn't.

Because I was the problem. I was the poison.

She buried her face in her hands. "I'm tired, Satoru."

"I know."

"I'm so fucking tired," she whispered through tears.

"I know, love."

My eyes burned as I watched her fragile body shudder. Each sob of her driving a stake deeper into my already bleeding heart. I bit my lip until I tasted blood.

I hated myself, hated myself, hated myself, hated myself, hated myself because — because I was the reason for all of this.

She'd never wanted this, never wanted to fall in love with me to begin with, but I dragged her into it anyway.

Because I was selfish.

Knew how it would end.

And now, I could only watch — only watch in this unbearable silence as the woman I loved wept over the man I hated.

"It's for the best, believe me—"

"No," she cut me off. "You're sacrificing me for this—this reputation of mine you think matters. It doesn't. I don't want any of it without you. I don't want a future where you're not in it."

She looked up then, eyes red and filled with unshed tears. "Because I love you, Satoru."

What?

The words turned my blood to ice.

After everything — the lies, the ways I'd hurt her, the desperate attempts to push her away — there it was, the confession I'd craved and feared in equal measure.

My heart was being ripped apart and stitched back together again in that very moment — vulnerable and yet so unbearably full.

She loved me, she said it.

She loves me.

And I love her.

God, how I loved her. More than I thought possible.

I've never once loved in my entire life.

Not until her.

Not until she changed me completely.

What is that, anyway? Love?

How can I possible describe the type of feeling I feel when I'm with her? How can I ever convey the words when they are not even clear to me?

How cruel it is. How utterly cruel the type of feeling is, that she makes me feel.

Because how could I ever live without it.

Not when she showed me how to breathe.

How to live.

How could I ever go back to what I was before her — was there even something before her?

Not when she showed me how to breathe.

With her.

For her.

Because she is the air that fills my lungs.

The pulse that keeps me alive.

And nothing can ever change that. So how could I ever go back to what I was before?

Oh, how she tortures me, tortures me with feelings I rather not feel, tortures me with her love that I deserve so little.

Nothing.

I deserve nothing and yet she gives me everything.

Why can't I give it back? What chains me, binds this rotten heart? Why does it fail me so cruelly to love her the way she deserves?

Because she does.

She deserves everything.

She is everything.

Yet there is only my own failure in loving her. I'm failing her again and again. I hurt her again and again. I hate myself, hate myself for the pain I cause her.

Still—

How can I let her go, when she's the only good thing in my life?

It is selfish, selfish to say the least, to want to keep her close when all I do is fail her.

Her tears were molten iron searing my insides. But I clench my jaw, refusing to let them break me. If she saw weakness, she might hesitate. Might stay and continue to be broken by me.

Every fiber of my being wanted nothing more than to reach out, to comfort her, to tell her it would all be okay.

More lies for a heart that deserved nothing but the truth. So I swallowed down the love threatening to spill from my lips.

I would give her anything, my life, the last shreds of my sanity — except the one thing she asked for, the only thing she ever ask for.

Because loving her, truly loving her, meant letting her go. Even if it destroys me.

"I spare you," I rasped.

"No." She slowly shook her head. "You're killing me. Can't you see?" There was a cold edge in her voice now. "You're killing me."

"I can't change. Love isn't enough. I can't stop."

"You're the only one who thinks that." Her reply held a flicker of her old, beautiful defiance, a defiance I loved so dearly. "I'd follow you anywhere, Satoru. Even if you can't get clean, then so be it. I don't care. I won't leave you."

The sincerity in her voice was a blow, a beautiful, terrible blow. Complete, unwavering acceptance of who I was, in all my brokenness.

And in that moment, I finally realized.

It wasn't about saving her. It was about saving myself from the terrifying vulnerability her love demanded. From the weakness that threatened to drown me if I let her in.

Perhaps I'm just a coward after all.

My heart was too damn small, too messed up. Of course I had to push her out, deny her the love she offered so freely — because it terrified me.

Her love terrified me.

"I can't do this to you," I choked out, the words scraping my throat raw. "You deserve—" I swallowed, the words catching in my throat. "You deserve better."

"Better?" She leaned forward slightly. "You are my better."

Oh, love, that's not true.

You are my better. I'm your worst.

I wanted to say that, should've said that.

But I remained silent, unable to say anything.

"Say something, Satoru."

I couldn't, simply couldn't. Because mere words were too hollow, too insignificant against the depth of her pain.

"Say something, damn it!"

"It will get easier someday," I chocked out. Each word felt like a stone I was forcing down my own throat. Each word empty — we both knew it.

"Is that what you hope for?"

"I have to."

She closed her mouth. Her silence more devastating than any scream. She didn't explode, as I half-expected. Instead, she straightened, her movements slow, weary.

I watched her, unable to move, unable to look away, as a horrifying realization bloomed across her face. It wasn't anger, wasn't sadness — it was a terrible understanding.

She knew. She always knew.

Perhaps that's what I hated about her the most.

"That's it?" she asked.

"That's it."

She watched me. Not in anger, but with chilling detachment. Her eyes, usually so filled with warmth, were now as distant as those of a stranger.

Still, I burned the image into my soul, knowing it might be the last time.

Then, without another word, she turned. And walked away.

When she finally disappeared from sight, a wave of crushing despair washed over me. It wasn't just the loneliness. It was the terrifying certainty that there was no going back from this.

I had destroyed the best thing in my life — a sacrifice she didn't even ask for.

But then again, my sacrifice is really only an illusion after all, masking a desperate, terrified selfishness.

Because I'm selfish.

I do love her. Gods, how I love her.

But my fear was stronger.

And I was too damn weak to fight it.

─── ·✧· ───

Four weeks.

Was it four weeks?

I can't remember.

Time — it didn't tick or flow anymore.

It was a shapeless thing. Punctuated only by the empty thump of my heart in this wrecked chest.

Those first days — or weeks, who knows? — they melted together in a haze. After she left, I was — raw. One giant exposed nerve.

Each damn breath without the pills felt like scraping sandpaper across it, a reminder of what I'd lost — no, what I'd destroyed.

So I was barely sober.

My body didn't even protest. At first, it was almost — nice? The rush, the way it wiped out not just the pain but any thought at all.

But the crash was always brutal. Mornings, if you could even call it that, I'd wake up shaking, sick to my stomach, and terrified of — what was I even terrified of? Somehow of everything and nothing at all. But I knew the fix for that.

It was a sick, relentless cycle.

The phone rang, vibrated with messages. Suguru mostly. His messages growing more urgent with each unanswered text. Liver issues. Treatment. Something about irreversible damage.

It was all white noise compared to the screaming in my head.

Her name, though, cut through the haze.

There were nights — or was it days? — when a desperate, clawing need to hear her voice, to see her face, would rise up in me. I'd reach for the phone, fingers hovering above her name. Then the fear would crush that impulse.

I knew that reaching out to her would be the final act of cruelty.

So I stumbled on, each day collapsing into the next.

Until the next semester started and I remembered I had an actual job.

─── ·✧· ───

I stood in the corridor outside the auditorium.

My fingers fumbled with the familiar pill bottle. Just enough to numb the edge, get me through the lecture. With a bitter swallow, I tilted the pill into my palm, chasing it down dry.

Four weeks. Four weeks of barely holding it together, four weeks since I almost OD'd, four weeks since she left, and the weight of it all threatened to crush me at any moment.

Yet, muscle memory took over.

I limped slightly as I walked into the auditorium. My leg still hurt after she basically cut my muscle in half.

She definitely did that on purpose. She was too smart not to not know what she was doing.

The usual chatter died down when I walked in. Old routine. Time for the performance. Pretend I'm the professor, pretend like this whole thing isn't ripping me apart, piece by piece. It should have been comforting.

Once, perhaps, it was.

Wordlessly, I grabbed a marker, scrawled my name on the board. Like they didn't already know who I was, right?

Everyone on campus knows, especially after this summer's mess.

With a sigh, I turned towards the class.

And there she was.

My breath hitched, the marker clattering to the floor. My lips parted, but no words came.

Of course.

Of fucking course.

Second-year lecture.

How the hell could I forget that?

She was here, after everything, right in front of me. The pain of the past weeks, that suffocating emptiness — it all melted away, replaced by a pounding headache in that one instant.

My eyes clung to her, unable to look away, drinking in the sight of her. That stubborn tilt of her head, the pain in those beautiful eyes — God, how I'd missed her.

Yet with every beat of my yearning heart came a fresh wave of guilt. I longed to reach out, to apologize, to tell her how much I'd missed her.

But I knew it was wrong.

Then, it hit me. Every eye in the room was on her, following my gaze like a spotlight burning into her. Damn it.

Still, she didn't flinch.

Endured it like she has always endured everything.

Clearing my throat, I managed to speak as I adverted my gaze. "So, uh, let's start the lecture."

My voice echoed in the now tense auditorium, words tumbling out in a forced attempt at normalcy. The lecture blurred. My own words were just noise in my head. I pushed through the lecture. Don't even remember what I lectured about.

It was routine, should have been easy, but — not with her there. Never with her.

Every damn minute, my eyes flicked towards her, drawn like a magnet. I couldn't help it. Because all I could see was her. But she avoided my gaze.

Should've expected that.

Shouldn't make me angry, right?

Still did.

Finally, thank god, the bell rang.

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

I remained behind my desk and gathered my notes. Students surged towards the exit, a faceless blur of motion. My traitorous gaze remained locked on her as the auditorium slowly emptied.

She and her friends passed by me. Before I could even think, the words tumbled out, "Wait, not—not you, first-year."

Silence.

Her friend's chatter halted abruptly. I hadn't meant to say it, hadn't thought before the desperate need to speak to her had short-circuited my brain.

Now, it was done.

Her eyes, those beautiful eyes, met mine. For a moment, time seemed to stand still.

Her friends exchanged glances. I could feel Zenin glaring daggers at me, didn't even need to look. She'd always been fiercely protective.

"I'll catch up later," she said then to her friends, a strained smile plastered on her face.

They left, leaving us alone in the vast, suddenly suffocating auditorium.

Silence again.

My heart hammered against my ribs, so loud I feared she could hear it.

Finally, she spoke. "You know I'm not a first-year anymore."

I rounded the desk, the wood rough against my fingertips. "Yeah, right. Sorry." Leaning against it, I crossed my arms.

"Didn't you get suspended?"

"They postponed it."

She watched me for a moment, those beautiful eyes drilling into me. Her eyes held a coldness I've never seen before. For a sickening moment, I thought I might throw up.

"How are you?"

"Don't," she snapped. "Don't ask me that. Don't you dare pretend to care after—"

She stopped herself, the silence louder than any accusation. After everything you did. After you pushed me away. After you nearly killed yourself.

She didn't need to voice it.

My hands clenched into fists against the edge of my desk, nails digging into my palms in a futile attempt to ground myself. Needed to maintain this thin illusion of control.

I do care. Dammit, I care more than you'll ever know.

I wanted to scream it, to tear open my chest and show her the bleeding wound she'd left behind. But the words stuck in my throat.

Pointless now, anyway.

Knuckles turned white, nails digging deeper.

She stepped closer. Her hand darted into her bag, then shot out, palm open. Keys glinted in the harsh light — the keys to my apartment.

I watched them for a second. Should've expected that. Shouldn't hurt me. Still did.

"You don't have to return them. I want you to keep them."

"Why? I won't need them anymore, will I? Or are you planning on overdosing again?"

Each word was acid on an open wound.

I deserved this, the anger, the contempt, it was all on me. But why the hell did it make me so fucking angry?

"Have you ever thought about how I felt when I found you?" she snapped, her voice rising. "How terrified I was when you wouldn't respond? When you couldn't even recognize me? When I thought you'd die on me?" She took a shaky breath. "Fuck Satoru, I held your face in my hands while you were barely breathing!"

I tried to speak, but she cut me off. "Don't. You. Dare."

"Four weeks," she went on, her voice sharp, laced with a fury that cut to the bone. "Four weeks of silence. Ever think I might be drowning, haunted by what I saw? Or were you too busy numbing yourself with pills? Hell, I didn't even know if you'd overdosed for good this time!"

Her words hit me cold, but they weren't the storm tearing me apart. It was the image of her, terrified, holding my barely-alive body, that ripped my insides out.

Those eyes — her eyes filled with a terror that was all because of me. The guilt choked me. Seeing my near-death through her haunted eyes is twisted a knife in my gut.

It was the look of someone who'd had a piece of her soul ripped out.

It was the look of someone who loved me.

"But then again, you never cared about me, did you?" she added, the raw hurt bleeding beneath the anger.

My stomach twisted. "Don't you dare say that," I rasped, the words ripping from my throat. "I care so much it damn near killed me. You were the only thing keeping me alive, the only reason I fought at all! Don't you dare say I don't—" I choked, the pain unbearable.

The room seemed to tilt, my anger threatening to consume me.

I took a step towards her, closing the distance in one move. We were so close, I could smell her damn shampoo. "Every damn thing I did, every stupid decision—it was all because I care about you too much."

Her eyes widened. But only for a second. Then, that cold defiance was back, and it cut deep.

"You're really pathetic, you know that?" she spat. "You talk about caring, but in the end you threw everything away. Because you are too terrified to let yourself love me. Because apparently your own damn peace is worth more than me."

Her words were knives, finding their mark with cruel efficiency.

"Shut up," I whispered. "You know nothing."

"Oh really?" She glared at me, "then let me paint the picture for you—the minute things got difficult, the second you had to face actual consequences for your actions, you used it as an excuse to back away. Shut yourself down."

She moved closer still. "Convenient, wasn't it? Pushing me away, destroying us—it absolved you from having to confront anything real."

Her accusations hit uncomfortably close to home.

And I didn't want to hear it from her lips.

Not from hers.

"Shut up," I growled.

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up," she snapped back, her voice rising. "You don't get to play the victim here. You did this. You ruined everything."

Fury ignited, not at her, but at myself.

Blindly, I reached out, my fingers gripping her jaw so tight it bordered on violence. I forced her to look at me, my eyes burning into hers. "Shut up, or I swear to god, I'll make you."

Her chin lifted, eyes narrowing. "I dare you."

The words set me on fire. Every rational thought, every vestige of self-preservation was devoured by a sudden, desperate need. My gaze fell to her lips, slightly parted, a vulnerable target I craved to claim.

Without even thinking, my hand went to her waist, fingers digging in as I pulled her impossibly close. My other hand tangled in her hair, forcing her head back. Our eyes locked, some kind of messed-up challenge.

I could feel her rapid breaths on my skin, smell that damn perfume of hers that I'd always loved, but now was driving me to the edge of control. Her heart pounding against mine.

Everything in me screamed to close the distance, claim those lips that had haunted me, haunted me for weeks.

I wanted to claim her, to silence her, to lose myself in her, but my last shred of sanity held me back.

Because pushing her further into my nightmare was the ultimate act of cruelty.

"Uncomfortable, isn't it? Getting confronted with the ugly truth?" she whispered against my lips.

My grip on her tightened. She really didn't know when to stop, or maybe she simply wanted to watch me burn. Perhaps both.

"Don't push me."

"Why? Scared of what you'll find if you let yourself be honest for once?" Her head tilted. Her gaze was fire, and I was already ash. "You run, Satoru. From everything, but most of all, from yourself."

"And that," she leaned closer, almost brushing my lips, "is what makes you the most pathetic person I know."

Oh, she could be so viciously cruel when she wanted to. So disgustingly cruel. It was one of the things I'd fallen hopelessly in love with. Even now, as it tore me apart, I still loved it.

But I also wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of her right then and there.

"You're right. You're always right. Maybe that's what's terrifies me about you so much."

"You're not terrified of me," she whispered. "You're terrified of yourself."

The air between us crackled. Every rational thought in my brain begged me to stop. Still, I couldn't resist. I inched closer, helpless against the force that binds and burns us both.

My hands tightened their hold as I took a sharp inhale. Her eyes fluttered shut, lashes trembling.

Our lips hovered, almost touching, two aching souls suspended in that impossible space. So much unspoken words, so much hurt, and the destructive pull between us that had always tethered us together.

Then, the auditorium door creaked open.

Her head snapped towards the sound. But I couldn't look away, wouldn't miss a second of her. Because this, right here, was all I had left.

Had to be Suguru anyway — anyone else would be screaming their heads off by now.

After a pause, she turned back at me. "You know, I'm still waiting."

"For what, love?"

"For it to get easier."

I looked at her, the woman I loved, and guilt clawed at my insides. That hurt, that anger on her face — I deserved it all. Because it was the consequence of the pain I'd caused.

"You said it would get easier," she added.

It was a lie. Nothing about this was easy. Nothing ever would be again. Suddenly, the room felt too small, the air thick and unbreathable.

"I don't know if it ever will."

Perhaps I was only meant to love her in silence.

In distance.

Because at least then I couldn't hurt her anymore.

Suguru cleared his throat. He stepped into the room, breaking the moment.

Reluctantly, I let go of her. She stepped back, eyes holding mine for a second, something flickering there that I didn't dare try to read. Then, without another word, she turned and walked away.

I watched her go.

Suguru approached me, stopping close by. He didn't say anything.

I leaned against the desk, running a hand through my hair. The adrenaline from that almost-kiss crashed, leaving behind a hollow ache.

The sound of the door slamming behind her echoed in the empty auditorium, way too loud.

Suguru's hand landed on my shoulder.

"You really have a thing for bad timing," I muttered.

"Bad timing," he echoed, "or good timing to stop you from doing something stupid?"

I didn't answer. The memory of her, so close, choked every thought out of my mind.

"You know it was the right thing to do. With everything going on, letting her go was the right decision."

"I know," I said, pushing off the desk and rounding it to gather my things. I couldn't meet his gaze. "I'm trying to remember that."

Suguru then started placing pill bottles on the desk with a serious expression. The first clink of plastic on wood cut through the silence.

"Prednisone for the liver inflammation." Another bottle. "Lactulose for the hepatic encephalopathy." Then another. "Vitamin B and K for the nutritional deficiencies."

"But you know the first step would be to—" he paused for a second then placed another two bottles in from of me. "Methadone, to manage the withdrawal and craving. And Naltrexone, to block the euphoric effects of your opioids."

Hesitantly, another bottle appeared. "Clonidine, in case you feel like you're dying."

"Suguru—" I began, but he cut me off.

"Satoru, you have to get clean. The pills won't do a damn thing if you keep wrecking your liver."

"Yeah, it's a little late for that, don't you think? It's the only thing keeping me sane right now."

He sighed. "You're the absolute worst patient ever."

"Aw, come on, I thought you liked a bit of challenge. You're the best doctor, you'll figure something out." I rummaged through my bag, pulling out a folder.

"Even the best doctor on earth can't help if you don't—"

I shoved the folder across the desk, cutting him off. "What's this?"

"It's a patient. An anyeurism. I'm still not allowed to do surgery, not until this thing with the ethics committee is over."

Suguru opened the folder, flipping through the pages. "You want me to do it? Is there something special about this patient?"

"I want you to take her with you," I said quietly. "She likes aneurysm clippings."

Suguru looked up, that familiar crease between his brows. "She'll figure it out. Sooner or later. Latest when you're in the hospital waiting for a liver transplant, not lecturing anymore."

Silence stretched. My eyes fell on the pill bottles lined up on the desk.

I sighed, then gathered them and crammed them into my bag. "Let's go. I need fresh fair," I said as I brushed past him, putting the withdrawal meds back into his hands.

Without another word, I left the auditorium.

─── ·✧· ───

My eyes snapped open.

I sat upright, a strangled gasp tearing from my throat. My heart hammered against my ribs, each beat threatening to burst right out of my chest.

For a disorienting second, the world was a blur. Sweat drenched my skin. My lungs screamed for air.

Damn nightmares.

Another night of that shit.

I clutched at my chest, trying to quell the frantic pounding. Cold sweat made my shirt cling to my skin. The room spun. My pulse thundered in my ears.

I fumbled for the lamp, the sudden brightness stinging my eyes. But it didn't chase away the image seared into my brain. Her face, cruel, beautiful, cruelly beautiful, twisted in absolute terror. My stomach twisted.

My fault.

Always my fault.

I couldn't breathe right.

Sleep was a lost cause now. First decent rest in a week, and my brain decided to torment me again. Exhaustion was its own kind of hell, but it was nothing compared to this. That, more than anything, was the real torture.

I slumped forward, scrubbing a hand over my face.

I'd hurt her.

I'd hurt her, the one person who meant something.

Every day, it felt more like I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. Letting her go, pushing her away, I—

I hated myself.

Hated the way I ruined everything.

Hated the way I ruined every chance at something good.

It was like a damn curse.

Nothing good ever lasted for me. I should've known that by now.

Damn it, I knew it was wrong. But how the hell could it be wrong when it'd felt so damn right? When she was the only thing, the only person, that cut through the crap, made this whole mess seem like it might have some sort of meaning?

How could that possibly be wrong?

Guilt ate at my insides. Had I been a damn coward? Too scared to fight for something that made me feel, really feel?

Perhaps.

Easier to push her away, sabotage the whole damn thing, than risk actually letting her in. Letting anyone in. Losing control. But it didn't matter now, did it?

It was over.

I needed out. Out of my head, out of this apartment, out of my own damn skin.

The silence was unbearable.

I pushed off the bed, muscles screaming in protest. I slipped into running clothes, the routine automatic. As I laced up my shoes, a sharp sting shot through my leg from the still-healing cut on my leg.

That bitch.

The more I thought about it, the more sure I was she'd done it on purpose.

Good thing I was addicted to painkillers, huh?

I drowned a pill — no two, for good measure — before stepping outside into the pre-dawn chill.

Cold autumn air bit at my skin. Each step echoed on the empty street. The pills kicked in, dulling the sharp pain in my leg. Good. Long as the cut didn't split open, I didn't damn care.

I pushed myself, needing the burn in my muscles, the ache in my lungs, to drown out the constant echo of her voice, her name, in my head.

The world blurred. Streetlights, shadows, it all melded together. The only reality was the ache in my body, the cold air forcing its way into my lungs. My mind, for once, was mercifully blank.

No nightmares, no guilt, no memories of her haunted eyes — just the simple focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

I didn't set a goal, didn't choose a destination.

Just moving, pushing, escaping.

Sweat dripped, but I barely registered. With each mile, the crushing weight eased. Not gone, hell, not even close to forgotten, but — manageable.

I ran until the city was a smear of lights, until my legs burned and my lungs screamed.

Finally, gasping for breath, legs threatening to give out, I stumbled to a halt. The neon lights of a Seven Eleven cut through the pre-dawn darkness. My throat was sandpaper. I pushed through the door.

Inside, the harsh lights stung my eyes. I grabbed a water, my body on autopilot as I shuffled toward the register. The bored-looking teenager behind the counter gave me a sidelong look as I fumbled for my wallet.

"Rough night?"

"Something like that." I glanced down at my leg, the still-healing cut a visible red line. Wincing, I shifted my weight, favoring the uninjured side.

I pulled out my card to pay, but then a flash of color caught my eye. Beside the cashier's register, stacked in a gaudy pyramid, was a display of energy drinks. I starred at them for a second, the name oddly familiar.

I knew why the name was so familiar.

I reached for a can and placed it on the counter. "And this."

Outside, I downed the water in a matter of seconds. Then, I cracked open the energy drink. The first sip hit my tongue. Surprisingly, it didn't taste half-bad without a shot of stale coffee to ruin it.

But the taste wasn't the problem, wasn't it?

Memories flooded back. Her, hunched over a massive anatomy textbook in the dim library, those beautiful eyes ringed with exhaustion. Beside her, half-empty, a mug of coffee — spiked with the sickeningly sweet energy drink I currently held.

Just the thought of that awful mixture made my stomach turn.

Still, a smile tugged at my lips.

Dammit, I didn't want to think about her. But to be fair, thinking, not thinking — it was all the same. The dull, constant ache of her absence throbbed beneath it all.

I chugged the rest of the energy drink, crushing the can in my hand.

Ah, fuck it.

Before my sanity could interfere, my legs were in motion.

I knew this was wrong. Knew every step took me closer to more pain. Knew all along this was stupid, reckless — inevitable.

I couldn't stop.

The pull towards her was too damn strong. I needed to see her, to confirm her existence, to know she was real, to fix — what? What the hell could I fix? What the hell did I even think I was doing?

Finally, gasping for breath, I stumbled to a halt outside her apartment building.

A glance at my watch confirmed the hour — well past 3 am. Insane. I hadn't expected her to be awake. Just needed the pathetic reassurance of her presence. But as I looked up, my breath hitched.

In a second-floor window, a flicker of warm light spilled into the darkness. And there, etched against that warmth — her silhouette. Unmistakable.

A heavy exhale escaped my lips.

She was there.

Here.

On this same cursed world with me.

My heart pounded against my ribs. I knew, I had no right to be here. But god, I needed this, needed to see her.

She sat on the windowsill, book in hand. My future wife. Even in the dead of night, she was studying. How I loved her.

My gaze traced the familiar curve of her shoulders, the way the soft lamplight painted her skin with warmth, highlighting the strands of hair escaping her messy bun.

In that stolen moment, I could almost convince myself that things were different, that my actions hadn't irrevocably shattered something precious.

But then, she moved. Rising from her seat, she stretched, drawing the fabric of her shirt upwards. Before my mind could catch up, she was at the window, pushing it open. I froze.

She was staring down — right at me.

Shit.

I held my breath. For what felt like an eternity, we simply stared at each other. A muscle in her jaw twitched. Then her gaze dropped, breaking eye contact.

"You're bleeding."

I glanced down. The edge of my shorts was soaked through, a fresh stain of crimson spreading. Damn it. The cut had reopened.

"Yeah," I said, looking back up at her, "I'm a mess."

I braced myself for whatever was coming. The anger, the disgust, the righteous fury — it would all be justified. I deserved it. But she simply watched me. Her gaze was steady, devoid of emotion.

"You know where the entrance is," she said finally, then leaned back into the soft glow of her room and closed the window shut.

Before my brain could catch up with how wrong this was, I walked toward the apartment building.

─── ·✧· ───

I sat on the edge of her bed, she on a chair in front of me, her hands already on my leg as she pushed the fabric of my shorts up. "How could you not notice that?"

I opened my mouth, but she cut me off, "Wait, forget it."

Yeah. Now she remembered.

With practiced efficiency, she began cleaning the wound. Her touch was surprisingly gentle, considering how pissed she must be.

The silence was heavy, broken only by the rustle of bandages and my occasional sharp intake of breath when the antiseptic hit a raw spot.

My eyes wandered. Her space, even small and half-finished, felt warm, lived in. Smelled like her. Books spilling everywhere, papers scattered on a desk, a yoga mat forgotten in the corner — the organized chaos was so perfectly her.

Then my gaze landed on the half-unpacked boxes stacked against the wall. She really still didn't fully move in. Occupied with my mess, huh?

Guilt flooded me. I didn't deserve this, didn't deserve her gentle hands on me, not after everything.

Yet, a selfish part of me wanted nothing more than to stay exactly like this, wanted nothing more than to keep her hands on me.

With a sigh, I sank back against her pillows. Exhaustion seeped into my bones. Pain returned as the effects of the pills wore off.

Her fingers brushed the reopened cut. I winced, throwing an arm over my eyes. The relentless pounding in my head threatened to split me open, spilling all the ugly thoughts onto her pristine sheets.

"You've had nightmares again, haven't you?"

Huh?

I lifted my head a fraction, struggling to meet her eyes. She glanced up briefly, her eyes guarded, then focused back on my leg.

"Yeah, something like that." My head thumped back onto the pillow. "Hard to sleep when your head won't shut up."

"What dose?"

"You really don't want to know."

"I asked because I do," she countered. The sharp tug as she tightened the bandage around my leg was enough to make me speak.

"Ten milligrams," I admitted, wincing. "The usual."

She scoffed, then another, even sharper, tug had me gritting my teeth. "Ngh—fuck," I moaned.

I really needed a pill now.

She stood, gathering the first-aid supplies. "Heals slowly, doesn't it?"

I knew it.

I popped myself up on one elbow, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Don't give me that look. You know damn well you deserved it."

I let out a dry laugh. "You really are a bitch sometimes." I dropped back onto the bed, my hand reaching for my throbbing head.

I needed two pills now.

"You've got some damn nerve. You show up here in the middle of the night, injured, high—"

"I'm not high—"

"Save it," she spat. "You know what your fucking problem is? You can't stand being alone. Alone with your thoughts, with yourself. So you run. You run to pills, to whatever distraction you can find, anything to fill the void."

Yeah, how the hell am I supposed to want to be alone after feeling what it's like to be with you, stupid.

"You're too damn scared to face your fears," she continued, her voice laced with a bitter edge, "and when someone threatens your artificial peace, someone who might actually force you to look in the damn mirror, you panic. You sabotage it, push them away before it all gets too real, too close."

She stepped closer. "Because it's easier, isn't it? Safer to stick with the misery you know than risk having to face that void."

Every word stung, but I couldn't deny it, couldn't lie anymore.

"You're right. And I'm sorry—"

"Don't." She rose a hand at me. "Don't pretend you care, Satoru. You've made it clear how little I matter."

How little you matter?

Oh, love, you couldn't be more wrong.

A harsh laugh escaped me.

"You find this funny?"

"No, love," I said, pushing myself up. My leg throbbed in protest, but I ignored it. Everything narrowed down to her. I moved closer, a strange recklessness fueling me. "Quite the opposite."

Something flickered in her eyes — surprise? wariness? — but the anger remained.

"Keep going," I insisted, moving closer. "Let it out. Yell at me, tell me how pathetic I am. Make me feel something, anything other than this damn emptiness."

She hesitated. Her eyes searched mine, and for a breathless moment, I hoped that her fury, her anger, would burn away the numbness, making me feel something, anything.

Because even her anger was better than her indifference.

I couldn't stand being indifferent to her.

Might as well make her hate me.

"You want me to yell at you?" Her voice rose, the first hint of the storm I craved. "Fine! You wanna be a pathetic mess? Go ahead! Piss away your career, your life, whatever the hell you care about, I don't give a damn anymore!"

Each word hit me, but there was a desperate relief in it. Finally, she wasn't looking at me with that chilling indifference, that cold pity that twisted a knife in my gut.

Her rage, it was fire — scorching and brutal, but alive. And I loved it.

Because it was prove she still cared, even if it was just to hate me with every fiber of her being. It was better than the void, that terrible chasm that had opened up between us after I'd pushed her away.

I closed the distance, enjoying the anger in her eyes. She flinched, but didn't back down.

"More." I grabbed her waist, lifting her with ease, and hauled her towards the bed.

"You're weak!" she spat, pushing against my chest, her voice rising with each word.

Yeah, so damn weak for you, love.

"You're selfish! So consumed by your own self-pity you can't see how you hurt everyone around you!"

Her words should have hurt. They probably would have, under different circumstances. But right now, I couldn't care less.

"Keep going," I rasped, my pulse pounding in my ears. I forced her onto the bed and hovered over her, my body trapping her between the mattress and my own. "C'mon, love, let it all out."

"You don't deserve me," she continued. "You don't deserve anyone who gives a damn, because you only know how to destroy things."

Each word was a knife. Yet, with each insult, the suffocating hollowness inside me eased a fraction. I wanted her anger, the full force of it, wanted the burn only she could inflict on me.

"More."

Her breath hitched, eyes narrowing. "You keep breaking my heart over and over, then come crawling back when it suits you, like it doesn't matter!"

"You're right." I leaned in, my thumb brushing over her bottom lip. The thin fabric of her shirt did little to hide her shivers. "C'mon, love, give it to me. I know you can do better."

In one swift move, I ripped my shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor. I leaned down again, my breath ghosting over her lips. "Hate me." My hands went for the flimsy waistband of her shorts. "Tell me how much you despise me."

Her breaths came fast, quick gasps against my skin. I could see it all over her face — the rage, the fear, and maybe — yeah, maybe that darker edge, the same desperation burning in me.

"I fucking hate you, Satoru. Hate that you made me care, made me fall for you, then crushed it."

"Don't stop," I said, my voice a hoarse rasp. "Say it again." Before she could react, her shorts were down, exposing her to the night air. My own pants followed hasty, desperate. "Say you hate me."

"I fucking hate that you treat me like I'm just another damn plaything to fill whatever void your messed-up mom or whatever left you with!"

Okay, now it gets personal.

"I fucking hate that you act like you can control me," she hissed, but her body betrayed her, shivered running down her skin as my hands gazed her collarbone. "Hate that you make my choices for me, decide what's good for me, like you got to have control over something when you obviously can't control yourself!"

Damn, Freud himself is on to something tonight, huh? She really doesn't know when to stop.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" I leaned closer, my mouth close to her ear. "You hate who I am, but you crave this, don't you? Giving up control, being at my mercy. Admit it."

Her eyes widened, then narrowed. She lifted a hand, as if to slap me, but I was faster. I caught her wrists and pinned them above her head, pressing them hard into the mattress.

"You know it's true," I pressed, relishing the way she struggled against my hold. "It's hard always being the composed one, isn't it? The responsible one. It's draining. Maybe that's why you're drawn to me. You love the thrill as much as I do, don't you?"

She stared at me, silent, her lips a tight line.

"Prove me wrong, sweetheart. Call me a liar, and I'll show you just how wrong you are," I leaned in closer, my voice a harsh whisper against her lips. "We're the same, you and me. We feed off each other. Even if you hate to admit it, I fill that emptiness inside you same as you do for me."

"You arrogant piece of shit!" she spat, twisting and bucking against my grip. "You think you know everything, control everything!"

"Don't I?" My grip tightened, feeling her pulse throb against my fingers. "Seems I've got you pinned pretty damn well, wouldn't you say?"

"You know it's true. You love this. Makes you feel something your books, your fancy grades never could."

"Screw you, Satoru," she hissed, venom in her voice. "We're nothing alike."

"You really are a fool, for wanting to fix something so broken it'll cut you to shreds the moment you get close and then you cry afterwards—"

Her spit hit my face. I closed my eyes for a second, then a smile twisted across my lips.

My future wife just spit in my face — what a good anecdote on our wedding day.

"That's my girl," I rasped, shoving her legs wider. "Tell me how much you hate me. Scream it."

"I fucking hate you Satoru, I hate you—"

Her words died on her tongue as I thrust forward, filling her completely. I closed my eyes, letting my head hang heavy for a second.

My god, the things this woman's body could do to me. I could feel her body trembling beneath me, her heart racing as she arched her back.

How treacherous a body can be, huh?

"Hate you, Satoru," she managed to say before she closed her eyes, biting down her lip as I thrust deeper still. Her thighs spread further apart, inviting me closer, urging me onward.

She's so damn beautiful.

I grinned, my hands still holding her wrists in place over her head. "I know you do, love. But you know what?" My lips were only a breath away from hers. "I hate you, too. I hate how you make me feel, how you expose every broken piece of me, how I crave you like I crave another fix."

Hell, I might just be addicted to this woman.

I pulled out fully, before thrusting back into her. Her head fell back, pressing into the mattress as a strangled moan escaping her lips.

She felt incredible.

Pulling back slowly, I watched her body react to the absence, her eyes flickering open to meet mine. Those pupils dilated with need, mirroring my own hunger for her.

In that moment, nothing else mattered. Not our fight. Not our problems. Not our insults that had left our lips moments before. Just us — two halves coming together in a perfect whole.

I pushed back into her, deeper, harder.

With each thrust, I felt myself sinking deeper into her, losing myself in her. Fuck, if there was anything better than this — well, I hadn't found it yet.

This woman owned me — plain and simple.

It was madness, this pull towards her.

Insane, perhaps.

But it was also undeniably real. So real that even though dawn threatened to break soon, stealing away whatever remnants of darkness remained, I couldn't help but chase after that high only she could provide.

Even knowing full well that when morning arrived, reality would crash down upon us, forcing us back onto opposite sides of the divide.

"Look what you've done to me, love. You're making a fool of me." I whispered against her lips without touching them.

Weren't together anymore after all.

Kissing would be too much.

Her chest rose and fell rapidly beneath me. Her nails dug into my skin where my hands gripped her wrists. With each deep thrust, I watched her face contort with pleasure and pain, her features illuminated by fleeting streaks of moonlight seeping through the curtains.

I loved that look on her face.

I wondered if I could make that look even more pathetic.

I pulled out, dragging the tip of my length across her clit before pushing back in. She squirmed underneath me, arching her back. But I denied her, keeping my unhurried pace. I wanted to draw out this sweet torture for as long as possible.

Hours passed — or perhaps mere minutes. I couldn't tell anymore. All that mattered was this woman writhing beneath me.

Groaning in frustration, she attempted to break free from my grip. "Dammit, Satoru. If you won't finish what you started, then get off me!"

I smirked. "Why so eager, love. Can't handle the wait?" I leaned in to kiss down the side of her neck. She shivered beneath me, her breath hitching as my teeth grazed her skin.

With my free hand I reached down, running my fingers down her quivering stomach, relishing in the shivers that coursed through her body.

She glared up at me, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "Stop calling me 'love'. I don't belong to you, not anymore—"

She gasped into my mouth when I found her clit. Slowly, deliberately, I began to circle it with my thumb, feeling her surrender to me. I plunged deeper, thrusting into her mercilessly.

Let her hate me all she wants. She can't deny the chemistry between us — a spark that refuses to fade, no matter how hard either of us tries.

She must have hated this — hated how she surrendered to me, even with all that anger. Made me wondered if I could rail her up even more.

"You think you're so much better than me?" I rasped. "So strong, so selfless, always putting others first? It's a lie, and you know it. You're just bored."

"You fucker!" Before I knew what was happening, she broke free of my grasp and had flipped us over so that she was now straddling my hips.

Without warning, she reached forward, gripping my throat with surprising strength as she leaned down, her hair falling like a curtain around our faces. I couldn't help but smile.

"Don't project your bullshit on me," she seethed, her face inches from mine.

Her words sent a chill down my spine, stirring up a fresh wave of desire within me. Damn, this woman was infuriating — and captivating in the worst way possible.

We glared at each other like enemies preparing for battle.

"Aren't you a little tired? Pulling up that act all the time?" I choked out, feeling her fingers dig in further. "Deep down, you're just as bored as me, you're just too righteous to admit it."

"Shut up," she hissed, pressing harder, choking the words out of me.

This was madness. Destructive madness. But for this one desperate moment, I didn't care. It was exhilarating, addictive. Because love, our twisted, broken love, wasn't supposed to be pretty.

It was messy, chaotic, and borderline abusive. But sometimes all you need is a firm grip around the throat to remind you that you're alive.

"Harder, love," I gasped, a laugh bubbling up in my constricted throat. "Come on, make me feel your rage."

Slowly, deliberately, she began grinding her hips against mine, setting a maddening pace that left me reeling. Fuck, I think I love it even more when she hates me.

"Ahh, shit," I gasped, clutching at her thighs as she rode me mercilessly. "That's it."

Eyes squeezed shut, my head rolled back. Chills prickled my skin, possibly due to the cool breeze drifting in from the window. Or perhaps it was merely her.

She rode me with increased speed, and I could barely contain the overwhelming sensations coursing through my body. Every fiber of my being screamed for release.

My knuckles on her thighs turned white from the force. "Oh, shit, you're going to kill me," I moaned between choked sounds that escaped my lips.

My lips twisted into a smile again. "Admit it. You love the chaos as much as I do. The thrill, the way it makes you feel alive."

"You're wrong," she said, increasing her pace making my cock twitch inside her. "We're nothing alike."

"Keep telling yourself that," I replied, struggling to catch my breath, as she made me lose my mind. "But I know the truth—we're two sides of the same coin."

"You really believe that, don't you?"

"Why else would you be here, like this, with me?" I countered. "Face it, we're addicted to each other—the highs, the lows, the constant push and pull. It's exhilarating, isn't it?"

"You're the only addict here."

"Liar," I rasped.

Her muscles clenched around me, drawing me deeper inside her. She was close. Each contraction of her pushing me further towards a peak that I knew would soon shatter me.

But I wasn't ready yet. Not quite.

I shifted our positions, sitting upright before spinning us around so she was now beneath me on the mattress. I positioned myself behind her, forcing her down onto the mattress.

I slowly slid my hand along her spine as I pushed her further down, feeling her tremble beneath my touch, the softness of her skin beneath my fingertips.

It was intoxicating to watch her submit to me.

"Fuck, you'll be the death of me."

Leaning down, I pressed my lips against the small of her back, feeling her shiver once more. My hand continued its descent, stopping just short of where she needed me.

"Satoru," my name fell from her lips.

Oh, how I loved it when she breathed my name like that. I couldn't resist her — could never resist her. I was at her mercy. Even now.

She arched her back, silently pleading for me to continue. I slid my hand between her legs. "God, you're so fucking wet," I murmured, slipped a finger inside her, then another. She was so tight, so warm.

I couldn't wait to be inside her again.

She gasped, pushing back against me. "Don't stop."

Curving my fingers, I searched for that spot that I knew would drive her mad. When I found it, she cried out, her hips bucking against my hand. Her hands scrabbled at the sheets, grasping for purchase as I started to move inside her.

"Yes, fuck," she moaned, spreading her legs wider. "Right there."

Oh, love. I know you like that.

I smiled, relishing the fact that I knew her body better than herself. I knew every inch of her, every freckle, every scar, every sensitive spot that made her squirm.

"More," she begged.

I happily obliged, adding a third finger and thrusting deeper. She was soaking wet, her juices coating my fingers as I fucked her with my hand. Her moans grew louder, more urgent. She was close, so close.

I increased the pace of my fingers, pumping them in and out of her as I used my thumb to apply pressure to her clit.

However, as her moans reached a fever pitch, I withdrew my fingers, denying her release.

She gasped, glanced over her shoulder at me, her mouth open, but said nothing — probably out of breath.

I brought my fingers to my mouth, savoring the taste of her. It was so uniquely her. I couldn't get enough.

Leaning in, I pressed my body against hers from behind, my hard length probed at her entrance.

I leaned down over her, my hand snaking into her hair. I grabbed it tightly, forcing her head up to meet mine. "I love you, first-year," I murmured against her ear.

She trembled, but her defiance remained strong. "I hate you."

I sighed — always so fierce, makes me wonder what it takes to fuck that stubborn attitude out of her.

"It's alright, I love you enough for both of us."

With that, I pushed her head down into the mattress. Her cry muffled by the sheets beneath her as I thrust into her once more, bottoming out inside her with a groan.

I began to move in and out of her. Faster now, harder until the headboard slammed against the wall. Her muscles clenched around me, drawing me deeper inside her. She clawed at the sheets beneath her, her moans muffled by the fabric.

As her cries grew louder, I quickly pushed her face further into the mattress. "Quiet, first year," I murmured as I angled myself to rub against her G-spot, making it harder for her to keep quiet. "Wouldn't want to disturb anyone in the middle of the night, would we?"

Neither of us spoke a word — not that she could but — perhaps because there was nothing left to say. Instead, we communicated solely through our actions, saying everything that needed to be said without opening our mouths.

I increased both the pace and pressure. Nearly causing her to fall forward hadn't I held her in place with one hand on her waist and one sill in her hair. Her breath hitched, her entire body tensed as she approached her breaking point.

Oh, how I loved feeling her tighten around me.

Bringing her closer to the edge was a thrill like no other. Watching her lose control, hearing her cries and moans, feeling her body tremble beneath me — it was intoxicating.

I could feel myself getting closer to the edge, my balls tightening as I approached my own release.

Her cries grew louder, more urgent, until finally, she shattered around me, her orgasm triggering my own.

With a final thrust, I emptied myself inside her, filling her completely. Her contractions milked every last drop from me, her body still quivering around me.

I stayed inside her, savoring the feeling. It might be the last time.

I was panting, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I tried to catch my breath. My cock was still twitching inside her. Reluctantly, I pulled out with a low moan.

I stayed behind her for a moment longer, admiring the curve of her waist, the sheen of sweat on her skin in the sliver of moonlight.

Don't know when or if I'll ever see that again.

Time seemed to stand still, suspended indefinitely as we tried to find our breath again.

Then she turned her head. "You're a fucking idiot," she finally said.

"Tell me something I don't know."

She shifted to face me, her expression serious. "Promise me something."

"Anything you want, love."

"Promise me, you won't kill yourself with your pills."

I swallowed hard. That's not what'll get me, I thought, as I felt a sharp pain lancing through my right side.

I moved closer, cupping her face with my hands that trembled slightly. For an insane moment, I wanted to kiss her, but I knew I couldn't — couldn't ever again. "I promise," I rasped.

The words heavy with a lie we both knew.

<- prev chapter | next chapter ->

author's note: wooooaaa, another insane!gojo chapter lol. this chapter really killed me, was crying, screaming, throwing up while writing.

i'm equally scared and excited to hear what you think about todays chapter, ngl. originally i didn't plan a smut scene in this chapter, but you know, somewhere down that line gojo just happened and here we are.

also like, i think now both their's darkest secrets are now out — in the worst way possible. also because i keep getting messages regarding how much chapters are left of the story, idk i write form chapter to chapter. we're down somewhere the 60—70 % line with the story i guess, but we'll see. still more to uncover of gojo's past and all that.

also sorry for the people asking of for more fluff and happy moments, ehhh, there will be some in the future?? also i'm still sticking to the plan of a happy ending, so don't worry!! gojo fucked up big time and the next chapters will center about him trying to fight his fears and get shit together — let's see if he can do that. curious myself.

so thank you so so much for sicking by with the story. sending kisses to all of you lovely people seeing me messages, leaving likes, comments and reblog stuff. it really makes my heart happy everything i see a notification. love you all sm!! ♡

okay my last note, just so you know, i'm going on vocation soon, so the next chapter will be a bit delayed again, sorraaaayyy!! wishing you a great day or night and an awesome weekend ahead! ♡

🏷️ @sad-darksoul @aerithsthingss @mylovelessnightmare @bbyxxm @musababy @neuviloved @ykehqqy @hexrts-anatomy @fvsm4x @tw0fvced @heijihattorisgf @sadmonke @thatsopanu @sirencholia @sugurusdiscordmoderator @erwinslut @shervinss @certainlysyko @mechalily @purplehallow11 @kendall0111 @bloopsstuff @therealestpussyeater @louoi7 @whereflowerswenttodie @billiondollarworth @deluluforcarlos55 @starrynight-777 @vina21 @michelleeveline @boba-is-a-soup @cre8inghavoc @love-jelly @daimiyu @d0nk3y-k0ng @mo0nforme @smolbeanzzz @oneiricals @ynishalee @gojolvrr34 @nanasukii28 @ariiiii0938 @kelppsstuff @tojisdollx @drakenswifeyy @bakarinnie @vina21 @phoenix-eclipses @nanamis-baker @neptnszn (pls comment on the series masterlist to get tagged in the future!)

#symptoms and causes #gojo saturo #jujutsu kaisen #saturo gojo x reader #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo x you #gojo x female reader #satoru gojo smut #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo angst #gojo angst #jjk smut #gojo satoru #jjk x you #jjk fanfic

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kitkatscabinet · 1 year

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an eye for an eye, a child for a child

Aemond Targaryen x fem reader

Summary: Lost to her rage and grief at the loss of her beloved Lucerys Rhaenyra orders the capture of Aemond's pregnant lady wife. Only to find that maybe the two women could come to understand each other more than she thought possible.

Word count: 2k

Warnings: idk characters and their shitty canon behaviour, birth

A/N: Blood and Cheese didn't kill Jahaerys and Rhaenyra was close with Helaena. First Aemond request baby! keep em coming. This turned into a somewhat of a feminist rant lol

Although the circumstances of your occupation on the island weren't pleasant, you could still admit to yourself that Dragonstone held a beauty you readily admired. Your husband had always described the place as incredibly droll and dreary which you could easily see. But truthfully you found it peaceful, beautiful in a way King's Landing could never be. Even if you were confined to your room with Rhaenyra your only point of contact.

Hopelessly alone, terrified of what the blacks had planned for you, you wondered if what you felt was even a fraction of Lucerys's terror when he had been forced to flee from your husband. Tears burned in the corners of your eyes as one of your hands came to rest upon your protruding belly. Lucerys had been a child, and as a soon-to-be mother yourself a large part of you couldn't begrudge Rhaenyra for taking you in an act of revenge.

The creak indicating the opening of the door to your makeshift prison interrupted your thoughts. Turning you were met with the sight of a haggard-looking Rhaenyra. Her hands were empty, causing you to tilt your head in confusion as you watched her cross the space to sit across from you.

Immediately you noticed the darkened bruise decorating her neck, a mark you had often seen left behind on Aegon's victims as they tearfully tried to scurry out of sight. You didn't speak, waiting for Rhaenyra to start, but you knew she had noticed your sympathetic look. Surprisingly, she didn't say anything, just continued to stare at you with a faraway look in her eyes.

"I know my words will offer you no comfort, but I truly am so sorry for your recent losses. I can't even imagine..." you trailed off, wincing as a sharp glare was thrown your way.

"No you cannot" Rhaenyra's voice is filled with all the fury of a mother that has just lost two children.

"I just... I wanted you to know that through all of this, that you had someone on your side" you replied, struggling to find the correct words to truly convey your meaning.

"My side? Your husband killed my son" she yelled, fists balling so tightly you worried she would draw blood.

"He didn't want to" you hoarsely whispered, "he lost control of Vhagar. He is a boy playing at a war he cannot possibly understand. It's a weak defence and doesn't nearly justify anything but... He lost himself to his rage. A rage that we all let fester for years with no consequence. So while my words mean nothing I still wanted you to know that I am sorry, that Aemond is sorry, even if his stupid Targaryen pride will never let him admit it."

"Sorry doesn't bring back my son!" Rhaenyra's chest was shaking with rage that was waylaid into tears. Slowly you raised yourself from your seat, stepping towards the mourning woman to gently bring her into your arms. To your surprise, she didn't fight your actions, instead snaking her arms around to clutch at your back as she finally allowed herself to sob.

"I never wanted any of this" she admitted against your chest, "I had hoped to find a peaceful solution, but now I fear that will be impossible." Her voice was so small, so fragile that it took you a few seconds to reconcile it with the strong woman you had admired for so long.

"We might still be able to," you said, dropping to your knees and taking her hands in your own. "I want Aegon on the throne as much as you do. Aemond doesn't want him either, and I know you and Helaena care for each other. Hells, Aegon himself doesn't want the throne" you rambled a small spark of hope filling you suddenly.

Seeing Rhaenyra begin to pull away from you, you hurried to try and rectify your position. "He tried to run away you know? Aegon. He was going to escape to Essos but Ser Criston found him first on Otto's orders. Please, reach out to Alicent, you loved her once, that must count for something!"

"How?" is all the Queen manages to choke out at your declaration, grief still colouring her features.

"Because I know Alicent still loves you, loves you the same as you loved her in your youth." Though you loved Aemond now, you had not always done so. And as such, you had spent a great amount of time with the Dowager Queen in the early months of your marriage. While all the men in your lives seemed to be blind fools, you were not.

"It was her father that poisoned her against you. A poison that festered due to her bitterness. The men in our lives could never understand how we feel, but you can. You, Alicent, me. We've all been burdened with the task of womanhood, scorned and dismissed on the whims of men."

"Then why? Why has she been so persistent in my torment, in the torment of my sons. I have sued for peace more times than I can count only to be rebuffed at every turn" she scoffed, pulling her hands from yours as she moved to pace around the small room.

"I can't speak wholly for Alicent's reasons" you admitted, taking a deep breath. "But truthfully, I think she was jealous. She never loved your father. Her father has manipulated and trampled on her for her entire life, her children all ignored by their father. She has given her whole to duty, done what was expected of her whilst you trampled all over yours. I cannot excuse all of her actions, but try to see her point of view. Try for the woman that still loves you very much."

Rhaenyra is silent for some time, but you can see your words have had an effect. When she finally does reply it is with a question that takes you by surprise.

"And you?"

"I'm sorry, I don't quite understand the question your Grace" you frowned.

"You counted yourself amongst the women scorned at the hands of men."

"I didn't always love my husband, but Aemond demanded my hand" you admit, the truth tasting incredibly sour on your tongue. "Although I love him dearly now, he sometimes makes it very hard to. I suspect you may feel the same." One of the Queen's hands reached up to absentmindedly caress the bruised skin of her neck at your words as she simply hummed in agreement.

A sigh leaves her lips as she turned to face you once more, "Daemon wanted to have Helaena's children killed. In retaliation for Lucerys," you are left reeling at the confession, bile working its way up your throat as you collapsed back into the chair.

"I wouldn't allow it, wouldn't allow sweet Helaena to undergo that sort of pain. But Daemon was persistent, so in order to save her I chose you as the target instead."

You are prevented from replying to her admission by the sudden rush of cramps in your lower belly and back, the pain drawing a gasp and catching Rhaenyra's attention. The woman was at your side immediately, eyes widened as she watched your waters break.

"Fuck!" you screamed, hunching over as a new wave of pain assaulted your body.

"Quickly" Rhaenyra called, pulling you up and supporting your weight as she led you from the room and out into the corridor. Your pained groans were quick to catch the attention of the servants and lords alike as Rhaenyra screamed for a maester.

Daemon, who had arrived to investigate the source of all the fuss was quick to stand in your way, "this is what we wanted" he hissed to his wife, glaring at you. Both you and Daemon are then taken aback by Rhaenyra's fierce reply

"No, this is what you wanted! I am the queen, and I'll have no more of your schemes now move!" There was a power in her voice that you could only admire with a gaping mouth before you were forced on the move again.

To your great surprise Rhaenyra refused to leave your side, only slipping out once when you had begged for your husband through tears.

It was nearing the end of the night, the pain had made it impossible to continue your pacing and as you lay sweating in the birthing bed there was only one though on your mind.

"Aemond. Where is Aemond?" you choked out through cries and gritted teeth, squeezing Rhaenyra's hand as another contraction rocked your body.

"He's on his way sweetling" she promised, "Jace will be leading him back very soon." You couldn't find the strength to reply, head falling back limply against the pile of pillows as you tried to tune out the pain. According to the midwife it was still not yet time to push and you weren't sure how much longer you could hold out.

So lost in the haze of pain as Rhaenyra dabbed at your forehead you didn't notice as the chamber doors were violently thrown open, your furious husband stalking in. His feet quickly came to a stop as his good eye was met with the horrific sight of your pain.

Where you hadn't noticed the interruption Rhaenyra had, and was quick to yell at her younger brother.

"My lord!" one of the maesters interjected in abject horror, "you must wait outside-" Aemond however, was having none of his nonsense and for a second Rhaenyra feared the man's mouth had just cost him his life. Another pained groan from you was his saving grace though, and in record time Aemond was at your side, taking your hand from his sisters'.

"I'm here love, I'm here" he assured, throwing a quick glare at his sister before turning back to attend to you.

"Aemond?" you opened your exhausted eyes, desperately hoping you weren't hallucinating. A sob of relief leaving you once you realised he was really in front of you.

"My lady, you must start to push" your reunion is cut short by the midwife.

"I can't" you sobbed, shaking your head in denial.

"You must!" she insisted, even as you continued to refuse.

"Please love, you must listen to the midwife" Aemond urged, wiping your hair back from your face as he squeezed your hand. Groaning you attempted to sit up, only to immediately fall back as your muscles refused to cooperate.

"Aemond I can't" you protested once more, tears blurring your vision. It is Rhaenyra that ultimately comes to your side.

"Yes you can sweet girl. You must, your Queen demands it so." Her words managed to get a slight laugh from you as you remove your hand from your husband's to clutch at hers once more. "Aemond, sit behind her and support her weight" she demanded, and to your great shock he moved to comply with a complaint.

The hours blur together as you lay with your back against your husband's sturdy chest, Rhaenyra clutching one of your hands in her own as you screamed in pain. You are sobbing and heaving but with the support of your family, you push through. And eventually, you are rewarded with a shrill cry.

Tears of relief pour from your eyes as you demand to hold your child. You hear the hitch in your husband's breath as both of you lay eyes on your child for the first time.

"A girl" you whisper, voice choking with love. Looking back at your husband you can only watch in adoration as his eye refuses to leave your little girl's face, his arms wrapping around you to stroke at the small tuft of white hair.

A silent consensus seemed to be reached for the inhabitants of the room in that moment. The war could wait, the crown could wait. For now you would simply bask in the wonder of new life.

Taglist (crosses indicate an unavailable tag): @targeryenmoony @thelittleswanao3 @thenovelcarnival @yourlittlehoe @chattylurker @etherily @psychwardsiren @mihrimahsultan03 @bbyaemond @krispold @hyperfixated-freak @eudximoniakr @deadstarkblacksoul @weepingwitchofthewest

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #hotd x reader #hotd #house of the dragon #house of the dragon x reader

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starboyjun · 6 months

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batfam as types of isekai romance male leads

in this post: bruce wayne, dick grayson, jason todd, tim drake, cassandra cain, stephanie brown, and damian wayne

bruce wayne as rudiger winterwald (i will change the genre)

bruce is definitely the cold and "i make misunderstandings for a job" type of male lead. he's the one people in the comments bash or defend for their life. bruce in his past life is the one that the female lead thinks hates them so they die thinking that he won't care but plot twist: he does care... a lot. he's the one to destroy the entire world after their death (regis floyen core) and he's the one who turned back time for her.

dick grayson as isidor visconti (isn't being a wicked woman much better?)

dick grayson is the childhood lover, the one you don't think would be interested in you because of his bright personality. you think he's doing all these things out of pure kindness until after 100+ chapters he likes you. dick grayson is the one to stick by your side and in both lives, was devoted to you.

jason todd as izek van omerta (how to get my husband on my side)

jason todd is the one who unintentionally is cold to you (another idea is he's your killer in your first life) and probably causes your death... unintentionally... maybe. he's the slow burn type of romance where you fix past misunderstandings that have been building up for the past years you've known each other/been together. after a lot of years you've spent together, he's the greenest green flag you've ever met.

tim drake as schdermel raft (my dear aster)

tim drake is the male lead who takes a while to own the reader's hearts lowkey. timmy is a duke that rose to power in the female lead's previous life and is the one that could help her/protect her from her family/problems. timmy is such a sweetheart and i think it'll take a while before romance starts to come in the story (and has reader's asking novel readers who's the male lead).

cassandra cain as dorothea millanair (the tyrant wants to be good)

cassandra cain is the ultimate "i didn't want to be this, my surroundings made me be this." cassandra had a hard childhood because of her father and her "home" similar to many manhwa female leads. cassandra is the type to regret her past life and change for the better. she's not a brainless female lead, she knows a lot of things and will want to change (similar to dorothea).

stephanie brown as athanasia de alger obelia (wmmap)

stephanie is a female lead who is kinda stupid ("why did the plot change" type things) but overall is a strong female lead. she's one to go down in history (like athy). she's one who doesn't need a male lead to back her up and overall chases the plot to chang people's lives. steph is a happy girl and deserves a happy ending.

damian wayne as maximilian kasin ashet (father i dont want to get married)

damian is the one who (unintentionally/intentionally) killed you in your past life. damain grew up as a stuck up brat kid, though he is less of a brat, he's a trained killer for gods sake. damian is one who isn't familiar with love and being gentle. he probably grew up on the battlefield and is labelled "mad dog" or "cold blooded killer" or something along those lines. once you show damian you're not like the other girls afraid of him, he starts to fall... hard.

bonus: alfred pennyworth

the reliable butler of the family who's been serving the family for ages. he's the first one who trusts you and gets to know you on a personal level. he's always there to talk to the waynes and convince them you're a good person.

idk what to do next so lmk lol

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angelicsoka · 4 months

Text

SARA, l. hughes

word count | 1.3k

pairings | luke hughes x fem!reader, platonic!quinn hughes x reader, platonic!jack hughes x reader

summary | luke’s girlfriend has suffered in silence for too long, and luke noticed the warning signs too late

warnings | HEAVY themes of suicide and suicidal ideation, mentions of self-harm and depression, underage drinking and smoking, mentions of blood. ANGST ANGST ANGST, open ending, this is not a happy fic, luke is fucking oblivious. based on the song sara by we three. no use of "y/n". lowercase intended

a/n | this is my first time posting in here so i'm still figuring out how this all works lol. this is NOT proofread. also this is probably the darkest thing i have ever really written.

little sara, you're a diamond in the rough

and i know that you don't hear this all enough

and i'm sure that's why your wrists have tons of cuts

and i'm sure that's why you think you're not enough

fingers traced over the faded scars and onto the raised ones, the urge more than she can handle. but she deserved this. she deserved to feel so shitty, she was shitty. she ruined everything good she had, her relationships and job. a repeated process, be happy for a while and then fuck everything up. “who would care if she fucked one more thing?” was the thought that ran through her head, crimson covering the sink.

your mind can only think about the things it shouldn't

your brain is filled with thoughts of wishing that ya didn't

little sara, perk your ears up, try to listen

but she can't hear a sound because she's locked in a prison

the room was loud, but the noise sounded so far away as she dazed off. she was brought back to reality by luke swinging his arm over her shoulder, pulling her close. the sudden movement made her quietly hiss as her arm brushed against him, the fresh wounds in the back of her mind. she forced a smile on her face, looking to luke who gently kissed her forehead. he offered her a beer, to which she took, ignoring the concerned look on quinn’s face. she had been drinking all night but luke didn't have to know that. it slowed the thoughts, so how could it be a bad thing?

luke began to chat with his brothers and their friends, oblivious to the smile that had dropped from her face. oblivious to the fact that she was practically chugging the beer in hopes to stop the horrible thoughts that had begun to invade her brain once more.

and she was oblivious to the concerned looks of her boyfriend and friends as she abruptly got up, walking outside. she sat down, pulling the cigarette from its box, lighting it. she took a drag, jumping when a voice spoke up:

“you’re killing yourself, you know that?” she whipped her head around to see quinn standing there with his hands in his pockets. “does luke know you smoke?”

“why do you care?” she snapped, turning to look back at the yard. it was quiet, crickets chirping being the only thing making noise. she ignored quinn as he sat beside her, taking another drag. she held back her tears, not wanting to break down in front of her boyfriend’s oldest brother.

“he loves you, you know? the way he looks at you says it all. you're good for him. i don’t think i've seen him this happy in a long time.” she forced a small smile at quinn’s attempt to comfort her. he was lying, he had to be, because who could love a fuck up like her?

all your friends they wanna smoke 'cause it's a friday

but you've been smoking straight probably since last sunday

i know you know you shouldn't say that you are okay

but you still look 'em in the eye and lie then go to use your ashtray

she was high, but when was she not? the boys passed around the blunt, each taking drags from it. they were joking around, jack and trevor wrestling beside her. luke held her close, his fingers gently running down her arm. she ignored the burning sensation that occurred when luke’s fingers accidentally brushed over her wound, a smile plastered on her face. luke seemed to be the only who didn’t notice that the smile didn’t meet her eyes. she huffed out a laugh at a joke made by cole, settling her head against luke’s shoulder. for a moment, she felt happy; carefree.

that all ended when that singular thought crossed her mind: they hate you. such a simple thought, but she felt as though she had been sucker punched. she subtly shifted off of luke, who seemingly didn’t notice. she twiddled with her thumbs, ignoring the feeling of someone looking at her. she felt jack nudge her, handing her the blunt. she accepted it, unable to really meet his eyes. “you okay?” quinn mouthed to her when she met his eyes.

“yeah.” she lied through her teeth, averting her eyes and grabbing the ashtray.

little sara, last night, you got it bad

in that moment, you could barely even

add up two or three reasons why you're glad

and i guess that's why you grabbed your pen and pad

it was 6:14, and you could barely even read

all the words you'd written down when it was time for you to leave

your phone was on the ground and you could barely hear it ring

couldn't even hear a sound, couldn't feel a single thing

nights were the worst. being alone in her thoughts led to serious consequences, this night no different. she did what she was suppose to, all the coping skills she had learned. still, she couldn’t come up with any reason to stick around, which is why she now sat at her desk, scribbling rapidly. she couldn’t hardly read the words on the paper, tears cascading down her rosy cheeks as she practically destroyed her desk in search of the blade. the distance sound of her phone ringing stopped her for a moment, the contact name and picture for luke clear on her phone. she pushed the second-guessing thoughts aside, muting the call.

luke swore when she once again did not pick up, the text that started this now open: i love you, lukey. i hope you can forgive me. he swore to himself, angry that he had missed the signs. as he thought about it, the signs were so clear, how could he have not noticed? he begged for jack to drive faster, dialing her number once more. luke wiped his tears as jack sped up, praying for her to be okay. he hoped he would make it in time, to be there when she needed him most.

now it's 6:15, and you're on your knees

blood is on your sleeves, and your lungs won't breathe

eyes are watering, body's shivering

and you're wondering what is happening

now it's 6:23, and they're on their knees

begging "jesus please, can you make her breathe?"

'cause they finally see what was happening

underneath their nose and underneath your sleeves

she sat against her bed, sobs racking through her body. her chest was tight, her breaths short as she began to lose consciousness. she began to shiver uncontrollably, curling into herself to create any kind of warmth. she looked up when the door was kicked in, her vision blurring. her eyes fluttered close as luke ran to her side, her life slowly leaving her body.

“get something to stop the bleeding!” luke yelled to jack who was frozen under the doorframe. he snapped out of it, grabbing the blanket that was balled up on her bed. he began to put pressure on her wounds as luke pleaded with her to wake up. they continued this until the paramedics arrived, luke hesitant to leave her side. for the first time in a long time, luke cried into his brother’s shoulder. and he swore to himself that he would never miss the signs again.

she can barely see the pavement

she can barely read the signs

people think she's complicated

but never wanna look inside

'cause she's a little too r-rated

and they're a little too damn blind

she's just looking for her angels

but they're a little hard to find

#nhl #nhl imagine #luke hughes #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes imagine #new jersey devils #jack hughes #jack hughes x reader #sara by we three #angelicsoka #quinn hughes #quinn hughes x reader #hughes brothers

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starillusion13 · 3 months

Text

MINE TO KILL

Pairing: Royal!Yunho x f!reader (ft.Wooyoung & Seonghwa)

Genre: Royal, Mature, Enemies to (?), Smut, Angst

W.C: 11k (don’t ask me why so long)

Warnings: mention of - to kill someone and threats, death, memories, lots of crying, raw sex(don’t do it sillies), nipple play, oral(f), lots of kiss, twins(?), jealousy, fingering, orgasm denial, soft love, crying, scared, mention of torture, open cut with knife, loss of blood, forcing into (a slight dub-con), false visions, going psycho, stabbing who(?) find it out. Regrets and manipulation. Playing with someone’s feelings and emotions.

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

Note: Thanks for reading and reblogging. I appreciate all of your reviews and feel free to text me if you want. Spread love to others, not hate. I love Yunho when he is angry and guys finally I have identified my bias in Ateez I think it’s Yunho😃 dw it will change in my next fic lol

MINORS DONT INTERACT UNDER THE CUE!🔞

Let's see our Villain Yunho!

"Even if I go away..." she sharply inhaled and gulped the lump in her throat, turning her back to him to hide the tears which were shaking to fall from her eyes, her fist clutched the locket above her chest tightly in her grasp and bit her lower lip to exhale the silent sob which managed to escape, "...don't forget me. you...you are my everything. Even if we don't deserve this, still we belong to each other and no one can ever change this fact."

His arms wrapped around her shaking body from behind and his nose bumping into her unsettled hairs from the wind earlier. Her soft hands placed over his palm and the rings displayed nicely on his fingers were bumping her strokes on his skin. Just like the way, her every happy moment was getting halted by that only person. who?

His lips touched her backside of the head, the heat of his lips and the breath fanning around the area was making her grip on him tighter.

"are you crying?" his whisper made her heart beat faster. Even if she was going to leave soon, his voice would be the reason to kill her sooner. The heavy and low tone with the concern dripping from every word for her, only for her. It sparkled a desire to live more. She wanted to live. to stay.

"...no..." she closed her eyes and ducked her head down.

He exhaled into her hair causing a shiver run down her body and he kissed the previous place again, "why are you lying, y/n? I said we will get over this and then we will be together for always."

"I don't have time...I have to go...far away...away from everything, from this place and......from you." she whispered the last two words and hearing that he quickly removed his arms and turned her around harshly, she stumbled in her place and still looking down. She didn't want to face him, knowing the effect on him after hearing her statement. She was prepared for this for a long time but couldn't say it earlier.

Or maybe she didn't want to say it. Even now.

He cupped her cheeks to make her look up. His eyes were furious with the anger after hearing the words of her leaving him. He was giving her the hopes to stay forever but still she was hoping to get away from him.

Closing her eyes, she refused to look at him, a tear slid down his cheeks but she couldn't see it and she gripped his wrist, the sleeves of his silk attire adorned with intricate golden embroidery that traced elegant patterns pierced her skin under the hold.

"Look at me, y/n." He was mad, not at her but at her words. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut tightly. He kept looking at her when his gaze fell on her quivering lips. She was scared but why.

"Are you scared of me?" His question was broken just like his soul seeing her so weak in front of him.

She quickly denied it by shaking her head furiously. His hands over her cheeks made her still. His eyes followed the way her tongue wetted the dry lips. Her tongue was not enough for her dry lips.

He ducked his head to her shoulder as he whispered, "let me prove you that I can love you and I will protect you forever."

"Please don't say like that. I can't forgive myself for leaving you."

He scoffed, "then don't leave me. Why can't you stay?"

She remained silent. He raised his head and brought his lips to her. Just a breath away, he stopped. His tear line touched her cheek, the liquid sensation made her flinch and his breath so close to hers sent an ache to the heart. Both of theirs.

He murmured, his lips bumping into her quivering ones, "why can't I know the truth? What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing." You breathed out the words.

He slowly pecked you, "then stay with me."

"I can't."

One hand entangled in the hairline on the back of her head and other resting on the nape, he pulled her into a kiss. He was craving for it. His desire to taste her even though he had tasted her a lot of times before but still felt like it was the first time.

No but he didn't know it was his last time.

A tear drop escaped her eyes. she lost the war to hold back the tears from him. the kiss tasted bitter sweet and yet the melody of the beat was same from her heart, filled with love. sweet for the passion and longingness for each other and bitter for the pain in their heart for the lost hope of living forever.

he stopped the moving of his lips but stayed as close as possible. his lips mixed with their saliva which running down to his jaw, his lips travelled to her cheeks planting soft kisses and moving down to the jaw and kissing the skin which was longing for him. pulling her dress off the shoulder, she whispered his name. her whimpers made him kiss harshly on the exposed shoulder and bit all the sweet and soft spots he was familiar with. her lips softly kissed his ear. their sweet smells intoxicating each other's nose and making them pull towards the other even more. he pulled his head back.

she gripped his wrist tightly, whining for the lost of his lips. his forehead rested onto hers and closed his eyes. she finally looked at him. the moon reflected in her eyes, the breeze blowing silently, the loose materials adorning their body swaying with the wind, shivers running through their skin but the love of each other keeping them warm.

"Don't make me regret for leaving you."

"I will make you regret. I can't afford losing you even if I have all the royalties, money and everything that everyone desire of. it's nothing compared to you. please..." he was sobbing. she had never seen him so vulnerable and weak because he had a noble and prestigious status to maintain and his ambition was always to win.

but somehow he lost, the day he met you.

"call me selfish but I want you to remember me. Remember our each moment we spent together. Remember the things I have told you. Remember our love and our memories...Remember us." she said and cupped his cheeks to make him look directly towards her. she smiled to him and he did the same. she taught him many things and he will always remember them.

How can he just forget you?

"If you die. I will be the one to kill you. I am selfish for you." his tone was very familiar, the way he always shows his possessiveness over her. she sadly chuckled.

"I am not dying...I am just leaving but I'm always yours to kill." she hugged him and he pulled her closer to his embrace.

His to kill.

"Welcome back Prince Wooyoung. It's been honored to see the handsome young man after such a long time. How are you?"

The young man with the black glittery attire with jet black hair, a black coat with the same color bottom with some gold and silver embroidery lining the materials and some tracing patterns on the back and above the chest. A chain attached to the second button to the pocket on his left side. Every gem and jewellery over his body reflecting the sunlight peeking inside the grand hall of the palace. His black boots hitting the carpeted marbled floor and with each step the servants and maid bowing towards him. A sly smile resting in the corner of his lips and hands folded behind his back. Nodding his head causing the muscles from jaw to neck to move tightly, he acknowledged all the greetings and dismissed them.

Taking a glass of water from one servant, he sent a smile towards him with his bright eyes before turning towards the man who greeted him, "Seonghwa, what's with the formal greet? Atleast treat me like an usual person. I hate this royalty enough already now you don't give me more reasons. Well, fortunate enough I am fine and I have something to show you all."

Seonghwa was in royal attire with a white fringed sleeve shirt with a corset and black loose bottom. Piercing eyes with loose black hairs falling over his forehead, few strands sticking to the sweat lining.

The older one laughed to his whines and patted his head, "I am glad to know that you are fine enough after the long trip. Stop being so dramatic now and what's the thing you want to show?"

"We need this other person to be here as well. Talking about him, where is he though? I expected him to be the one standing at the entryway." he said and took a place on one the two loveseats. everything around him was screaming the royalty but he was looking as if a young boy pressured to be the one to carry the crown of a prince.

Seonghwa hesitated for a moment before replying, "He might be busy with works but I hope he will be happy with the news of your arrival."

"what? you haven't informed him about me?" he frowned and placed the glass on the table.

"It's not like that, he-"

"Woo. you are back?" a deep voice echoed to the walls of the hall. the guards behind the door were also attentive to this person, the birds even remained still and the sunlight coming from the window directly falling over him, admiring his black hairs with the black lace around his neck. the black loose shirt hugging his body and the similar jet black bottom admiring his body proportion with the golden embroidery black coat hanging on his one arm. the thumb played with the ring in the index finger and then moving to the middle finger. His shadow was the most dominating one in the palace at that moment and Seonghwa felt intimidated before the look but nodded in his direction when his gaze fell on him.

The younger boy had a wide smile across his face and jumped up to run towards the person who just now announced his presence inside the hall. His arms flew up to wrap around the tall figure who wasted no time to welcome him to his embrace. He missed his love so much. Seeing the excited younger one, he patted his back before pulling apart.

"How was your training?"

"Yunho. I missed you. it was so difficult without you teaching me in a smooth way. they were so harsh and Hongjoong. he was always there to scold me. It would have been better if Seonghwa had went there with me instead of him." Wooyoung made an annoyed face which brought little smiles on other two males.

Seonghwa chuckled, "I am gladly sending this speech to him."

"Oh shut it." Wooyoung glared at him before turning to his elder brother, "Well there is someone I want you to meet."

"Yeah, he was telling me earlier that he wants to show us something. I don't know if I am allowed to be here or not." Seonghwa said in an unsure tone.

Yunho turned towards the older one, "of course you are welcomed to everything. you are like a brother to me and to us." He side eyed his younger brother.

Wooyoung nodded and clasped his hands together to call a maid towards him. The maid bowed towards them and waited for his order. He whispered something to her and she nodded before taking her leave.

"Let's welcome her." He smiled towards them and waited near the door.

"Her?" Seonghwa was confused but having a concern look over his face when he glanced towards Yunho who was sitting on the chair beside the table. He was quiet and gripped the knife tightly in his hold.

Wooyoung just nodded and looked away. Seonghwa sighed and walked towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Where is she?"

"She is in the guest room beside my room to freshen up and I asked the maid to call her here. Before you ask me anything else, I met her during the trip to the kingdom. She was the one who kept me alive after Hongjoong's daily torture."

Seonghwa smiled at him.

Someone knocked on the grand metal door. Both of their attention went towards the door and saw a young woman standing in a light blue gown with sleeves hanging slightly from her shoulder with white straps over it. The dress was plain and the hairs loosely resting on the shoulder and locks falling to the side of her face. Tugging the hair behind her ear, a smile sent out to them.

"Hello..."your soft voice made Seonghwa's breath hitches. Wooyoung skipped his steps towards you and embraced you with his arms.

Hearing the voice, Yunho threw the knife across the room. Seonghwa looked at him and he was both scared and concerned. He quickly went towards him and held his hand when he was about to throw the spoon again. Wooyoung was too distracted with you.

"This is the one I was talking about. Meet my savior, y/n from Utopia."

Y/n...

Yunho stood up and pushed the man away to look at his brother and you. He was furious. The muscles around his jaw and neck turned red with clenched fingers and teeth and staring at them with rage.

"Who is she?" He asked with a dark look.

Wooyoung was confused with his sudden reaction but still introduced you to him.

"Y/n..." Yunho repeated the name, he tasted the word in his tongue and it tasted bitter and sweet at the same time. He scoffed and stood in front of you, "and why are you here?"

You were scared and pleading for help from Wooyoung who gave you a smile. "Yunho, don't scare her. She is new here and we will be getting married soon."

Yunho bitterly laughed, "Marrying? Are you serious? Do you even know her?"

"Yunho...you said you will allow me to marry anyone."

"Anyone but" he glared at you, "her."

He turned away and walked towards the door. Seonghwa followed him in close behind and when his gaze fell over you, you saw hatred in them similarly like the other. You gulped and clutched the man's hand beside you, he patted you.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't look in my way." You apologized and looked back and you bowed towards him, "your honor, Prince Seonghwa."

"Just stop with your acting already. Tell me why you are here. Don't give false excuses." He was glaring and his words were dipped in hatred.

Since the day you started living in the palace, you have seen the similar hatred in their eyes. Their every stare felt like they were about to kill you.

Even Yunho attempted to corner you one day with a knife in his grip and held it to your throat while he was gripping your other arm tightly. You were scared but he was not fazed by that look but when a tear fell from your eyes, a glint of regret, a flick of sadness occurred in his eyes. He loosened his grip and you managed to run away from him.

You sent a confuse look towards Seonghwa after his question and shook your head slowly, "what are you saying? I'm here with Wooyoung."

"You are with him because now he is the easy catch for you. Leave him before Yunho or I will kill you."

"You won't be attempting this wild thing. It's not what you want to do with me. Think about it again. Can you really kill me?" You stood closer to him and smirked. "Can you live in peace after killing me...after killing y/n?"

You bumped into his side before leaving him there. He sighed in his place.

You were right even if he threatened you, he could not kill you.

But what about the other one.

"What are you doing here?" Your voice made him roll his eyes but still facing his back to you. You sighed and stood beside him and leaned over the railing to pick a flower.

"Don't even dare to touch it."

You played with the flower between your fingers and replied, "but I love these flowers. Y/n loves theses flowers a lot. Look at them, these are so sweet." you turned towards him and he was staring at you. you smiled when your gaze fell on the locket around his neck. his silver bodysuit with wide neck making it highlighted. "that locket has the same flower."

"don't speak about this flower from your filthy mouth." he spat at you and you nodded.

"why do you hate me so much? as far as I know, you really can't hate me or harm me."

"Do you really want to hear? Then listen..." he gripped your jaw and stared at you furiously and you kept a neutral expression, "I hate that you are here. I hate everything about you, your face, your voice, your gaze and...you."

"So basically I need to change my whole being and that's not even possible because people love me for who I am. Well, I can't spend a minute more here to hear your shits so better learn to accept me or leave this place for a while because I will be here for a long time and I'm not leaving soon. I will take my leave for now,Prince Yunho or should I say Yuyu."

"Y/n!" He shouted your name and a smirk appeared on your face before turning your back to him, walking away towards your designated room. "I will see how you are going to stay here. I will kill you before you can even realize. Y/n is only mine."

two days later.

You were shocked to hear the news that Yunho left the palace for a while and he won't be returning soon and no one was aware of his day of return. you leaned back into your chair and sighed.

"Why are you not eating? what happened?" Wooyoung asked you while munching on his food. Shaking your head, you pout and held your fork near your nose to inhale the scent of the delicious food and hummed in satisfaction. he chuckled to your reaction.

"This smells so delicious, Woo. I am craving for it even though I haven't tasted it yet." you took a bite and your eyes went wide with the taste melting on your tongue.

"Then eat it. There's a lot and you can have as much as possible." You nodded to him and started eating other dishes. You felt someone's gaze boring hole on you and you smiled to yourself before locking your gaze with the man across from you. He didn't touch his food but was gripping the juice glass tightly with clenched jaw towards you.

"Here. have this, you haven't started eating anything. are you not happy with me being here?" you offered the side dish to Seonghwa and casted a glance towards Wooyoung who smiled to your gestures and laughed to him across the table.

"Of course not. He is really happy with your presence and he is just not used to being around a girl in this palace. Right, Hwa?"

The older one glared at you before replying, "Woo. I am well aware of how to react to a girl's presence but I don't know how to react to her. I think she has said something to him for which Yunho left so early and didn't even inform anyone when will he return. I hope Mingi sent us some news soon or I will kill her." He stood up, making the chair fell behind and before glaring at your direction, he went off to the garden.

"Seonghwa!?" Wooyoung shouted.

"What happened to him?" you asked with the teary eyes.

Wooyoung pulled you and calmed you down, "Hey, it's okay y/n. Dont be scared. I think he is disturbed with something. I will talk to him."

you nodded and both of you proceeded to eat when he told one maid to serve Seonghwa his food in his room.

It's been one week you haven't seen Yunho since he left that day without telling anyone where he went. You asked Wooyoung about his brother's whereabouts but he was even not aware of anything as well. You both were on the same boat. After the commotion you had with Seonghwa during the lunch, you saw him very less and even if he comes across you, he ignores you as if you don't exist. You felt hurt that two of them don't appreciate your presence but still you were trying to win their heart, win their trust that you were there for a home.

You always wanted to stay with your loved one.

You smiled to the thought of Wooyoung. He was busy with archeries since last morning and you were keeping yourself busy with wandering around the palace and getting familiar with the people.

The servants, maids and the soldiers were all very polite and strict to their schedules while on duty but they really treated you nicely. They referred you as the best princess for the kingdom, Halazia.

"Y/n is always the best one and our dear princess."

This compliment always made your heart warm and forgetting about those two who hate you, a feeling of being loved surrounds you.

When you took a turn towards the stairs, you watched the sun setting down slowly and the dusk welcoming the dark sky to cast upon the palace. But as soon as you looked away to your front, you made eye contact with the elder prince, Yunho.

He is back? when? you smiled towards him and walked closer to him. his expression was neutral, you were not clearly understanding his intention but still you slowly approached him.

"Yunho...you are back. How are you?"

he scanned your face and you noticed his eyes were red and cheeks were red and he couldn't stand properly without a support. when he was about to lose his balance, you gripped his side and balanced him with holding his arm and waist. "Hey, are you okay?"

"What are you doing here?"

you ignored his question and pulled him towards the door. he was quite heavy for you but still you managed to push open the door with him in your hold. He was whining like a baby and hiccupping when you pulled him towards the bed.

Your white night gown was so low in appearance to his extra-ordinary embroidery prince suit. you managed to take off his coat and shoes with the jewelleries. he was repeatedly asking you why you were there and why you were helping him, this and that but you just smiled towards him and tucked him in the bed. his eyes were closed but you offered a glass of water and urged him to drink, first he refused you but eventually drank it and fell to his back. placing the glass on the table, you approached to his side and kept staring at him. his pale soft skin was tinted with red but his dark personality was hidden behind the whining little boy in front of you. His puffy cheeks were urging you to pinch them but you shook off the thought and turned around when he grabbed your hand.

"Y/n...please don't leave me...please stay."

your breath hitched to his request. you couldn't believe he was urging you to stay with him. you gulped but didn't turn back because your scared eyes were fixed towards the door. you hoped someone to enter but neither Seonghwa nor Wooyoung was at the palace for the moment.

you slowly turned around and held his wrist softly. "Yunho, you are drunk. you don't know what you are saying. I should leave now and sleep. you must be tired after returning back."

His eyes shot open and he was crying, he sat up and pulled you on the bed and embraced you in a hug. "please, y/n. why are you doing this to me? please...please don't leave me again. I can't stay without you."

again...

you patted his back, "Yunho...please sleep."

"No. please let me show you that no one can else can love you more than me. I am the only one for you. we are for each other."

"Yunho-"

before you could say anything more, he connected his lips with you. your eyes went wide and even when you tried to push him, he pinned you down. he was hungry for your kiss. biting down your lips, you cried in pain and wiggled under his hold. his tongue explored your mouth, teeths clashing to each other and he sucked your tongue. he was tasting every inch of your corner. his lips kissed your jaw, your throat and his face rested in the nape of your neck, he breathed out and his lips nibbled the area before biting down the area.

"please stop it. Yunho, I...I..." you were sobbing but he hugged you tightly. "y/n please please don't cry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"you are not hurting me but it feels wrong doing this."

he pulled apart and pushed you on your back, your head hitting the pillow and his fingers entangled with yours when he hovered on top of you, "nothing is wrong when I am making love with my y/n. you are mine and I can do anything for you and to you."

"but-"

"please..." his pleading with teary eyes made you nodding to him. you agreed to obey him, to let him do anything to you.

you smiled when he returned to kiss the areas where he bit you earlier. he pulled down your night gown, untying the loose knots and pulling the materials down which were blocking your intimate areas. you felt shy under his gaze. his face was attached to your skin. he gripped your palms tighter, flexing his muscles and veins popping out from his hand, neck and forehead. you eyes rolled back when he plopped a nipple in his mouth and toying with the other. your fingers entangled with his hairs.

He has done this before. Same feelings he has made you feel it again and again but still you love it each time.

"Yunho..."

"Only I can make you feel like this. only I am allowed to love you. Only me. Y/n is only mine. No one can have her other than me."

the way he is saying your name, it felt like he was talking about someone else to you. he was referring someone else. his grunts and groans filling your ears, making you squirm under him. his hand left your breast and move down to undo his pants and quickly remove them. he was impatient and so was you.

he was impatient to have you and you were impatient in fear to get caught by someone, maybe Wooyoung.

he planted a kiss between your breasts, right under the heart. a tear drop fell on the place and he closed his eyes.

his red and hard member dripping with precum toyed with your heat, you squirmed and whined when his tip rubbed your entrance, you moaned out and his mouth left your nipples and bit the soft areas around it. his juicy tortures of the lips and teeth trailed to your jaw before planting a long kiss on your anticipating lips.

"Yunho...please..."

"Have patience, Y/n. Take it slow. We have the time for whole night." his thumb rubbed circles on your clit and suddenly he pushed himself inside you. you cried out with the stretch and the pain but he didn't wait for you to adjust and started thrusting faster and harder. His pace quickening and when you caught his gaze on you. he was glaring at you.

"This is what you wanted, right?" he clenched his teeth and gripped your jaw when you tried to look away. "Tell me. Am I making you feel good?"

Tears falling from your eyes and his glare made you clench around his member. he scoffed when he hit you deeper. your hand gripped his forearm and urged him to slow down but he pinned you down more and wrapped his fingers around your throat.

"You can't say anything? huh? such a filthy one. you are already dumb with this. Tell me that you are mine. Tell me y/n. who do you belong to?"

"Cum...I want to cum...Yunho please..."

"Shut up. I am asking you to tell me who do you belong to? Cant you answer it?" you choked when his grip tightened around your throat and he was putting more pressure on to the side.

"Should I stop?"

"No no. please..." you coughed out and his gaze darkened.

there was a fear in your eyes. you were not sure if he was loving the moment with you or he was trying to kill you but the rage in his eyes was bold than the fire and the gaze darker than the night sky. there was a void in his eyes, you couldn't see any love while he was deep buried inside you but there was a cover of hatred.

when he quickened his pace and it became uneven, you were sure he was near but when he was about to cum, he pull out and spilled his seeds on the sheets. you whined for the lose of his touch but moreover you whined because you wanted to cum.

"you are not allowed to cum because you didn't reply me."

"Please..."

"Leave my room before I will do something to you." He waited and watched you being still in your previous position, "I said LEAVE!"

you flinched to his shout and wrapping the gown around you somehow, you glanced at him. he didn't look to your direction and you left his room. the moment his door was shut, he started crying.

"what have I done? why? I'm sorry y/n...I'm sorry." he clutched the locket around his neck and sobbed to himself.

“Stop running around, y/n . You will fall. Seonghwa will scold me that I have let his precious one to fall down.”

“First catch me then only I will stop.” Her laugh echoed around the hall and the said man watched them playing around the palace. He loved her like his own sister and watching her so happy made his heart warm.

“You are running too fast. Those gowns are not safe to run around in.”

“Just accept that you are a weak Prince, yuyu.”

"Tell me y/n, why are you here again?" Seonghwa's eyes were red and he was holding your hand, preventing you to leave the place and go back to the party. you were cursing yourself to come here alone without Wooyoung and annoyedly, you wiggled your arm from his grasp.

"what's your problem, Seonghwa? I won't tell you anything. Leave my hand. you are hurting me."

"And you are hurting me with false hope. please tell the truth. I am begging you."

"Seonghwa, it's better if you go on your own way and let be on mine."

"Y/n."

"Don't say my name. I am tired of hearing this name with you all behaving so pathetic around me. Just stop with your nonsense already." you rolled your eyes and pushed away his hand.

You caressed your wrist and continued, "you all look really pathetic. how you are you going to manage your whole kingdoms on your own when you all are so weak and giving false threats to a girl."

"Don't test my patience, y/n. Why are you here again?"

"Are you not tired of asking the same question since day one. Stop it. I am with Wooyoung here and we are getting married soon. also after he will convince his brother and I will be the princess of Halazia. Oh wait, I will be the Queen."

he stood close to you and glared, "so you are here to take over this place. To rule this kingdom. You are using Wooyoung to get the access to the core."

"that's an intelligent prince there. Maybe, I'm here for the exact reason." you smirked and held his wrist. "even if I'm here so close to you but you can't even kill me. You won't hurt me because you don't have the courage to do it."

Seonghwa pulled his hand away from you and turned around and when he was about to exit the door, you laughed and said, "atleast Yunho hasn't notice it yet. He is yet to find out the reason behind me being here."

You watched how he harshly opened the door and without even glancing back, he went out. you knew you had triggered his emotions.

but what emotions exactly?

"And you thought I won't notice?"

You flinched to the sudden dark voice from the stairs. The ceiling lights and the lamps had a warm radiant but those lights were still piercing on your skin. As if the hatred inside you was adding to the heat of the lights.

Your piercing eyes reflected the shining light of the light chain decorated on the railings. You gripped the glass tighter in your hand, feeling the anger rising in you to watch him descending the stairs.

He should slip a step and fall from the stairs in front of you.

The boots hit to the marbled stairs slowly, the walk was slow, too slow to let you hear each sound of his boot precisely and clearly.

Your glares directed towards him made his corner of the lip to tug upwards slightly. He watched you intently and noticed your slight fear which you were trying to hide it but still couldn't. At this point, the grip on the glass could have broke it easily but somehow it didn't break.

Maybe like the hatred inside you was enough to burn him but the slight fear was more powerful to hold it back.

"Why are you here?" You hissed.

He eyed the glass in your grip and walked forward to stand a bit too close to your liking. you were glued to the ground. you wanted to run away but still something inside you was forcing you to face, face him like the royal you are. are you strong enough? maybe not. he is more powerful than you. both in morals and money.

"If I say...for you?" he said and leaned forward to inhale the perfume. he hummed near your ear, "same sweet smell. It always remind me of the night. don't you miss the day?"

"Never. why can't you just forget about it?"

he chuckled and stood straight, "oh it's too perfect and interesting to remember. how can I just let that sweet moment slip through my mind. I am carving it on a campus to make it remember even if I have amnesia one day."

you gritted your teeth and raised the glass to throw the wine at him but he was quick to get a hold of your hand and took away the glass from you. you glared at him but he just smirked at you and brought the glass to his lips, maintaining an eye contact with you. you could hear some people passing by the passage through outside the main door of this hall in the backyard of the palace. you glanced to the direction of the door and hoped someone to enter so that you could escape his grip because your strength was nothing to his.

the voices became distant and the hope inside you died down with the rising of the bubble of fear.

"I hope you soon have the amnesia and so that I can kill you by myself." you wiggled your hand under his grip.

he ignored you and asked, "have you drink this? did your lips touched the glass?"

"why? will you drink from it now?"

he poked his inner cheek and smirked widely, "oh! I am craving for the lips from that night and if you don't give me the honor to devour them again then I have to do it in this way."

"Yunho, mind your words." you threatened him only to get a loud laugh from him. he threw his head back and amusedly watched his grip on your wrist. the image from that night flashed in front of his eyes. the same way you were whimpering under this hold and begging to him.

"But you loved every words from me when I was choking you." He cocked an eyebrow and smirked.

"Please stop it."

"And if I don't?" He loosened his grip on your wrist and as soon as you stepped backward, he harshly grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him. "Does Wooyoung know about this?"

"About what?" You hissed at him because the grip was leaving red marks on your arm and the fingers on his fingers were pressing on your skin.

The touch was filled with hatred or love?

It's visible that it's all about the hate for you.

"About us? The love we shared that night. The way I made you feel good." He leaned to your level to whisper into your ears, his breath hitting your nape and you shivered, "the way I marked you mine. When in the first place you are always his."

"There is nothing called us. That night was a mistake. Don't talk about it again. I don't want Wooyoung to know about it. I am never yours."

He sipped the wine from your glass and closed his eyes, humming in the taste of the liquid. You watched him in disgust. Gulping down the glass, he noticed your glare.

He paused to stare at the door and when the voice of the person on the other side became distant and he noticed that you were distracted.

He threw the glass across the room and glared at you. You flinched to his sudden action and his grip tightened.

"y/n...y/n...y/n..." He sang your name and his voice and the name coming out from his mouth sent a shiver down your spine. He noticed your little gulp and harsh turned you around and flushed your back against his chest.

"Y/n and Yunho...isn't our name fit nicely together?" He darkly chuckled in your ears. His one hand grabbing your arm tightly and the other placed on your throat. The hand was caressing the skin around when he suddenly squeezed it.

Your choking sound made him smile widely and in satisfaction he whispered, "it will be so fun to kill you, y/n."

You scoffed, "is that a threat?"

He chuckled amusedly, "why? Does that sound like a compliment?"

He loosened his grip around your throat, you coughed out and took deep breaths but he held you against his body.

"Leave me, Yunho."

"I will only leave you when I will kill you." He gripped your jaw and made you face him. His glares were strong, his muscles tight against the jaw and neck and the gritted teeth hissing at you.

"Then kill me."

"Y/n. Y/n, where are you?" Wooyoung's voice echoed around the place and you both could hear it. You broke the stare with him and looked towards the door when the door was pushed open.

Yunho changed your position and placed his hand on your cheek and other still holding your arm. Smiling at you and you stared at him in confused silence.

Why is he suddenly acting like this?

Wooyoung entered the hall and found you either Yunho, he smiled at your form who was held by his brother. You both were facing side to him. Yet to notice his approaching steps towards you.

"There you are my love. What are you doing here, y/n? That even with Yunho?" He was smiling all the way and when he reached near you, you pushed Yunho's hand and hugged Wooyoung.

Wooyoung smiled and patted your head in his embrace and with confused looked at his brother.

"What happened to her?"

Yunho chuckled, "she lost her balance in this dress and her glass fell from her grasp so I was just helping her out."

Wooyoung nodded and felt your hug tightened around him. You clutched his coat tighter and closed your eyes in anger.

These brothers were always different from each other. Wooyoung was in red attire representing his love and passion for you. Whereas Yunho in black attire radiating luxury and power in elegance shooting towards you.

"Are you okay, y/n?" You nodded to his question and he urged you to stand straight. He signaled his brother that he would like to leave the place with you to spend some time and his brother nodded. He guided you towards the door and you followed him either your hand entangled with his and looking down. You could feel a stare burning hole on your back but you didn't look back.

Yunho's eyes followed till you both exited the door and took a turn. As soon as you were out of his sight, he grabbed his hairs and pushed back in annoyance.

"I will kill you, y/n." He clenched his jaw and glared at the way from where you left with his brother.

"Always remember that you are mine." He exhaled heavily and clenched his fist where his knuckled turned white and the palm was almost flushed red with slight edge of the nails digging into his skin.

"Mine to kill."

y/n is his.

"Aw you are looking so pretty. My beautiful one. this flower really suits you. I will make a whole palace with a garden of these flowers just so you can look this mesmerizing when playing among them." He said and hugged her tight.

"you love me too much. even if it's too cold out here but your words are making my heart warm." she said and turned around to put the flower behind his ear, "this look good on you. I love this flower and I love you so we both will live together in that palace."

he smiled at her and kissed her lips, surprising her with his sudden action. she was used to his playful nature but every time still he managed to surprise her. she was too naive for him and he swore to protect her at all cost.

"I love you, y/n."

she smiled and kissed him, murmuring into the lips, "I love you too, Yuyu."

Yuyu...

"y/n...where were you for one whole week? you didn't come to meet me for so long. Do you even know how much I have missed you?" she shook her head to the whiny man who was sitting in the middle of his bed and staring at her like a lost puppy who missed his owner.

"Am I your owner? you are a grown up man so learn to behave like that. Where are the etiquettes of a prince?" she folded her hands and raised a brow while questioning him. She yelped in surprise when he pulled her on his lap.

He was only covered in blanket and she knew if she just pulled a little bit of the corner, she would be greeted with the authentic sight of his perfectly pale and muscled body with his veins patterning under the skin. she wet her lips with the anticipation of what was coming next. The loose materials hugging her body was being removed slightly to get a better access to the places he desired. Gripping his shoulder, eyes closed, she bit her lips to hide the effect of his every touch on her.

"Let me hear you, my princess."

she shook her head and when he bit the back of her ear, she moaned out his name and he lightly chuckled into her ear. It was as if her body gets pulled to his lips like a magnet. Everytime, if the tip of his finger touches her, the body ignites with the desire to get railed by him. she felt embarrassed with the thought and he was well aware of it and he loved to tease her about it.

Pumping the breast over the loose material somehow hanging from her body, his ears were blessed with the whines and moans from her. To tease her and push her to her limits, he grunted in her ears and when she tried to push him down on the bed, he laughed at her impatient state.

"Come on. Don't tease me. Please..."

"Y/n...you won't be ever leaving me, right?" he asked her while he was laying her down slowly, kissing the shoulder blades and marking her wherever he pleased to and then kissing away the pain. he brushed back the hairs from her face and smiled to her when she returned him the similar look.

"Never...you are not getting rid of me unless you are the one pushing me away."

"You are always pretty, y/n."

"Of course, for my handsome prince, I need to look always my best or it won't be fair." placing her arm around his neck, she pulled him into a kiss. he didn't mind but let her kiss him. he was rather enjoying her desperation to feel, to have him for herself. he smiled into the kiss and his hands toying around with her heat and breast and pressing the clothed nipples, making her gasp into the kiss. She pulled his hair and apart from the kiss and glared.

he laughed at her silly face, "what happened? desperate? for me?"

"Yes..." she breathed out, "show me how much you have missed me all these days. her hands travelled all over his back and caressed the bare skin. Taking a hold of her hands, he pinned them down and his look darkened with lust but his every word and action was filled with love.

"Be ready for me princess."

"Always for you…Fuck..." she gasped out and pressed her thighs tighter around his head. "that feels good..."

"Like this?" He hummed against her heat and nuzzled his nose on her clit making her whimpers louder and he was enjoying the sight of her squirming just under the effect of his tongue.

"Uh yes...yes... Like that...please" she replied breathlessly and gripped the sheets tightly.

"Yuyu..." she whimpered. "It feels so good... It's driving me insane..."

"Such a dirty one, aren't you, princess? You know I go crazy whenever you call me this name and still you are saying it now." he murmured against her throbbing ache. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No!" she exclaimed, thighs tightening further around his head. the pressure around his head made him gripped down her hip and continued with his abuse.

"Mmm..." He hummed as he added a finger making her cry out with the cold touch of his rings to the heat, "you are so delicious..."

"Ahhhh..." she moaned loudly when she cummed inside his mouth. he gulped down the liquid and licked the area with his hot tongue. he slurped the juices as if he was starving for all these days.

"Yuyu" she whimpered, "No more please...I need you"

"Yes... have patience, princess" he groaned and got up, hovering over her, squeezing her breasts harder. his dark gaze scanning her body, he smirked that she was all displayed like that and flushed red in front of him because of him, for him.

his fingers rubbed her leaking and aching heat and scissored it before he let her feel the tip of his hard member hitting her entrance. the precum dripped on her heat, mixing with her stained walls from her previous orgasm. He pulled back his hand from between her legs and sank down his hip onto hers. she gripped his arms and cried out with the stretch and his lips kissed the tear line and lips hovered over the closed eyes.

"Look at me love. Let me see those precious pearls."

she snapped her eyes open to find him already staring at her with amusement filled eyes and his hand was caressing her face and patting her head, whispering soft and encouraging words to forget the pain and focus on him because they were making love and love can be gained with a little pain. she grinned as she watched him throw back his head when he felt her clenching around him. he groaned and pushed his his hip faster and his muscles were flexing under the dimly light of the room. his fingers traced over the curves of her body and her nails dig into his back.

She snaked a hand behind his head to pull him down for a kiss. The heated moment when their lips met, their bodies trembled in anticipation and the each little of their touch made them whine. he ran his fingers through her hair, stroking it gently. His lips gently grazed and his tongue licked her lips and she smiled. parting her lips slightly and felt his tongue slide against hers. His tongue traced along the every inch of her lips before sliding inside, tracing the outline of her teeth. His lips wrapped around her desperate tongue and sucked onto it.

She let out a muffled moan as he slipped a finger to rub her clit and push her to the edge. His finger slid inside of her and collected some juice. her breathing became heavier as her body heated up. With every flick of his tongue, every movement of his fingers, her arousal grew stronger and she whined. he could feel her trembling form under him, squirming and becoming weak. he pulled back his finger and urged her to stay still.

"open your mouth and eyes on me." she obeyed his command and soon he pushed his finger inside her mouth. he smirked when he watched her sucking his finger for the dear life, her back arching with the approach of her orgasm and he was near too. she grabbed his wrist and he knew she wanted to cum and he gripped her jaw and nodded. He glanced between her breast and smiled.

she screamed with her climax, the walls clenched tightly and he felt her cum coating him. Waves of pleasure washed over her as her orgasm exploded within. closing her eyes shut tightly, she trembled uncontrollably.

"you look more beautiful like this, y/n..." He moaned and thrust faster, "mine. you are mine y/n...tell me who you belonged to....tell me."

"You...it's only you, Yuyu" she whimpered as her palms clutched tightly under his strong grip. "only yours, I can't take it anymore."

"Thank you love." He smirked. "That means I am making you feel good that no one else can."

"You like it when I fill you up, right princess?" he whispered into her ear. "Do you like feeling me deep inside of you?"

"yes yes..." she moaned out. "You feel so good Yuyu."

Soon he bottomed out inside her, she had felt his hot liquid filling her inside earlier a lot of times but every time, he felt so good. He made her look at him when he filled her with his seeds and the blissed out expression made him hummed in satisfaction. they both were tired and he slowly pulled himself out and fell over her. he pecked her lips and rested his head on her chest before planting a kiss on the place just under her heart between her breasts, fingers flicking the hard bud in front of his eyes. she whined and hit his hand. his laugh vibrated on her chest making her smile.

"I love you, Yuyu...we will always make love like this. I want a happy future for us where no one can harm us and we will be enjoying our life with each other." she played with his hairs and stared at the ceiling, the flames from the chandelier lighting her eyes. his eyes were reflecting the flames from the candles decorated on the various shelf.

"Love...we are always together...in every universe...in every life. I can't lose you ever. No one will take you away from me. You are mine. I love you, my princess y/n."

His princess...

Then why are you his enemy now?

Does he not love you anymore?

what happened to him?

"what happened, y/n? searching for Wooyoung?" Yunho laughed in the end of his statement and you paused before retorting back at him when your gaze fell on his hand, holding a knife. you gulped and stepped back. you tried to run towards the door but Seonghwa closed it shut and stood before it with folded hands and a wide smirk plastered on his face.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked you and chuckled.

"Move. I need to leave. Wooyoung is waiting for me." you said annoyedly and he rolled his eyes.

Yunho laughed again and it was pissing you off and you turned around to glare at him. he raised a brow and held a glass. before you could contemplate his moves, he threw the wine towards you, making you drenched and your eyes went wide.

"What the hell you are doing?"

"Trust me. Wooyoung is not waiting for you and even if he is waiting for something then it's to hear the news of your death." he glared at you.

You scoffed, "and that won't be happening today. You...you can't kill me. You can't kill your Y/n." you smirked and wiped off the liquid from your face. why the hell you were in that situation. you were hoping to atleast get someone out from between these two psychos but who was there to help you. No one. Wooyoung wants you dead.

What is going on?

"Oh he definitely can kill you." The man standing in front of the door said and glared at you.

your confused look went back towards Yunho who was playing with the knife between his fingers. you gulped how his fingers swiftly swiveled the knife. your mind was storming with the thought that he won't harm you, he can't kill you.

you are his first love. his only love.

"Yuyu..."

"Don't say that name from your filthy mouth. I will cut off your tongue first."

you flinched to his shout and the choice of his words sent a shiver. he approached to your trembling form. he watched how tears were falling from your eyes and you were trembling under his gaze. the memories of you being in the same state before flashed in front of his eyes. his index finger wiped off a tear-drop. he watched it intently, he bit his lips to prevent his weakness to come out. His anger rose inside his body and furiously he watched how your eyes were shedding tears.

He stroke the knife up your arm and slashed it. your forearm burned with the cut and you shout out making him smirk and throw a dirty look at you.

"Yunho! Are you crazy?" you pressed over the cut to prevent the blood flow out from your cut. you were scared and annoyed. how can he hurt you like this? he never liked you getting hurt. then why?

he again slashed on your other arm. you cried out in pain. you fell on your knees and hoping him to stop. Seonghwa was watching the whole incident but never stepping in front to stop him. He was somehow satisfied with the situation unfolding in front of him. you were sobbing and wishing to get away from him when he grabbed your jaw harshly, he was grinning at you.

"I am crazy. I am crazy for Y/n."

"You should not hurt who you love." you said between your hiccups.

"and how about you realize the same thing?" he grabbed your hair and pulled it backward, you hissed in pain and his eyes travelled all around your face. every inch was similar to that Y/n whom he loved, whom he cared. the one who taught him the beauty and flaws in life. the one who gave him hope to live. the one he treasured. the one whose memories he kept safe. the one whom he can't ever forget.

but the heart was not same like before.

that y/n had a warm and liberal heart and this y/n with a cold and greedy heart.

he scoffed and traced the knife with the lining of his face. your fearful eyes looking back at him, begging him to stop but he was nowhere near a pause.

"Please. stop it. it hurts."

"it hurts her too." he replied quickly and you gulped. the tip of the knife pressed onto your cheek, slowly piercing it. "she was begging to stop too."

"who are you talking about?" you sobbed and continued, "you should only think of your y/n. I'm sorry I left you but please we can talk about it. I will explain."

"There is nothing left to talk about. she left me. she left me forever. she is not coming back." he said and slashed his knife across your cheek. you let out a shrill cry and he smirked to the satisfaction. "maybe you have the same face but you cant be her."

"Yunho...I'm still your Y/n."

"you are not her!!!" he chocked you with his fingers putting pressure enough to make your vision go blank for a moment, "You are not Y/n...Y/n is dead. Sana, you have killed her."

"Sana, you can never be y/n even if you are her twin sister." he pushed her back. She coughed out and caressed her throat before glaring back to him. the blood flowing out of the cut and her throat was marked with red fingerprint.

"Yu-"

"are you still pretending to be her?" he placed the knife over her chest. "she cried to me. she cried to me that she didn't have time. she hoped for me to save her from her decisions. she said her goodbye to me but I thought just like the other day, she will again come back to me."

but she never did.

"why you had to kill her? you envied her so much that you had to erase her forever." he stabbed her thigh, her body jolted down and let out a shrill cry again, satisfying his ears. "she was crying for you to stop but you didn't listen."

he pulled out the knife and stabbed again, "you wanted money. you wanted this royalty. I would have given you everything but you killed her. That day I left all of a sudden because i didn't want you to know that I went to Utopia and I didn't expect that I will get to meet y/n. Not her but her last letters to me. Her aunt really kept them safe but she couldn't save her."

"stop.." he twisted the knife. "please..."

"she begged for you to stop. You didn’t. She promised you that she will not return to me that she will help you to get everything you want but you didn’t listen to her. You hit her, you hurt her, you tortured her and then killed her.”

“If she was alive then I could not have approached here. I used her to get to you.” Sana still managed to smirk, “I wanted you from her and this whole royalty.”

He pressed Sana’s wound on the arm and she hissed. “You didn’t only use her to get here but also you used my brother’s feelings. You played with his emotions. I want to torture you like you did with her but my patience is gone. I just want to kill you right now. Right here!”

He raised his hand with the knife, blood dripping from all the wounds he created earlier. Sana closed her eyes when he was about to stab her on the chest but he paused.

Sana opened her eyes slowly and watched that he was still in his previous position. “Before I kill you. Just know one thing. She didn’t die because you have stabbed her. She died because she was betrayed by you whom she loved so much. Her twin sister killed her. She felt losing the war with herself.”

Those were the last words Sana heard before he stabbed her.

he stared at her hooded eyes, "from today I will believe that I have killed her because she left me. I have killed my y/n with my own hands." He repeated the action so many times that Seonghwa ran towards him and hugged him from behind, both were crying but neither of them knew how to comfort the other.

Seonghwa patted his back before standing up and called out the guards. No one would dare to say anything to anyone about this matter but his heart. He was staring at the body, blood oozing out from the heart, making a scar on the chest.

“Why you always kiss on the scar above my chest?” You asked him smilingly.

He again kissed you at the same place and nuzzled his face between your breasts, “it reminds me of the day we met. You saved me from the fire and got hurt. I will kiss it every day to let you know that this is not a scar but a seal to our bond, just above it is your heart beating for me.”

“For you, yuyu.” You planted a kiss on the top of his head.

For him.

“Yunho…” he heard a soft voice calling out his name, he didn’t look up but staring at the floor at his hands, he killed her. The blood on his hand felt like yours. The knife fell from his hand.

Did he kill her? Or you?

“Yuyu…” he looked up instantly. That name with that sweetness in the voice. You were standing in front of him. A sweet smile and sparkling eyes staring back at him, “you remembered me.”

“Y/n…you are really here?” He asked you in a shaky voice.

“No…” she approached him and kneeled down and held his shoulder, “but I want to say that I really love you. I still love you. I am here with you all the time. Don’t feel lonely. We are still together and I still love to see you smiling and laughing like before.”

“You are here. You are lying.”

“I’m here but to say the final goodbye. You promised me that if I die you will be the one to kill me and look you killed her because I left you. I should have said you everything but sorry. Let’s meet again in our next life.”

He grabbed the knife and attempted to cut his wrist when you held his hand, “don’t be stupid Yuyu.”

His body was aching for her touch but still her touch felt distant, just a wave of air. A piece of memory.

“No let me kill myself. I will meet you again and we will be with each other forever.”

“Please….Yunho…I am already far away from you now but don’t kill yourself. Stay for me. I couldn’t live enough to know the beauty of life but you will live for me so that you can tell me everything when we will meet again.”

“Y/n…. I can’t.”

“Yunho, please for me…” tears fell from her eyes “I will wait for you.”

Yunho kept his eyes open because he knew if he blinked a little, the worst sight he had to notice. You held your hand over his eyes and felt his wet eyes. You kissed his forehead “Goodbye…”

Yunho opened his eyes and tears flowed down his eyes, “y/n…”

You were nowhere. He was all alone in that grand place. It was all his imagination that he read in your last letter for him.

“Keep this locket with you. Even if I’m not with you then also I will feel you are safe with me. This will hang over the scar. I will shield it.”

He gifted you the locket but last day, you gave it back to him and that’s why maybe you died.

He killed you. You were always his. Your everything was his.

You were his to love. His to care. His to protect.

His to kill.

And he will live for you. In the end he was always yours since the day you saved him from the fire in your childhood.

[a reblog in appreciation and your reviews will be greatly appreciated. Please let me know if you liked it or not.]

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades @nvdhrzn @ssrnghwa @bjojotpghzb @superbbananananana @sharksandminhos

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vampyrgoff · 8 months

Note

Hewos! How would the Sinclair Brothers act when they give their s/o her first kiss?

First kiss W/ The Sinclairs HC's!

sinclair brothers x fem!reader

contains— fluufffffff, minor violence in Bo's other than that its cute and its late while i write this so apologies for bad writing

requests— open!!! ill write for any slasher atp

vampyr's note— school is bustin' my girl balls fr, Sorry if the guys are a lil ooc, im delusional so I be just writing how I feel the situation would go frrrr, also its not gonna be good lol i just wanted to write something b4 bed because this is like my hobby

word count— 756 words and 3.8k characters

gifs aren't mine! credit for the dividers :D: @mmadeinheavenn thank you for your service 🤍

Bo Sinclair:

Your first kiss with Bo is rather.... gruesome :D (if you are a bo girly you gotta at least be a lil violent js)

He gives you your first kiss in his shop.

He has you talking it up with some visitors and keeping them distracted so he can strike a good kill with them

As you're talking with the visitors you notice one of the girls getting a lil too handsy with Bo. Shes touching his chest, biting her lips, and he's entertaining her too (cause he just would)

So while the other visitors leave, you ask the girl to stay back and to chit chat with you.

Once she turns her head, you blackout...

All of a sudden she's on the floor and you have a wrench in your hand thats bloody.

As she screams for help on the floor, Bo rushes up and this lil fucker has the biggest smile on his face.

"I knew you'd do somethin' about it" he coos at you.

"I-I dont know what came over me.." you say dropping the wrench on the floor with a loud bang.

"Darlin' its fine. Didn't think you'd go all out for your man like that." he'd say playfully.

He grabs you and smashes his lips against yours, dominating the kiss in seconds, while the girl basically watches and is bleeding out.

He has his hands on your cheeks and is kissing you like you just did something so amazing and wonderful.

"That's my girl." he says low and husky in your ear.

"Make sure she's the first one Vinnie does." You say as you pull away, completely flustered.

Lester Sinclair:

Your first kiss with Les is really sweet and rather innocent.

He kisses you in the forest (no not by the roadkill pile lol)

I feel like you and him just go exploring ALL the time

If you're not a nature person, he will beg you with PUPPY DOG EYES to go out with him constantly (you better give in, he deserves the world)

but I feel like he'd have a little area in the forest for you that has a fairy lights and a pretty stone path to a swinging bench that he built, just for you and him to have convos and talks.

I feel like you'd guys have this deep convo thst has to do with trauma and childhood trauma.

While you're pouring your heart out to him, he very lovingly places a small kiss on your lips as tears fall from your eyes while you remember your past and remember the things youve pushed past.

The kiss is soft, and quick.

He pulls away and is a bit starstruck at the random boost of confidence he just gained,

""m sorry. I- should've asked..." he says with the rosiest cheeks everrrr

he'll hold your hand and bow his head in shame, thinking hes gone too far.

but his heart starts to flutter once he feels your head rest on his shoulder as you guys talk some more.

Vincent Sinclair:

Your first kiss with Vinnie is adorable

It's in his basement ofc

You were in his bed, watching him work on some new sketches

Your eyes felt heavy and your breath was slowly starting to even out

Vincent hears your steady breaths after a while and rolls his chair over to you quietly, sketchbook and pencil in hand already.

This cutie straight up starts sketching your closed eyes, your nose, and your messy hair that's sprawled all over his pillow

as he adds more detail to his drawing he finally gets to the part of your face that leads to your lips.

he looks up from his sketch book and truly stares at your lips for awhile, really eyeing the depth of them and the softness of them.

he tilts his head to get a better view of them and he finally takes his mask off.

(he tends to wait for you to be asleep to finally take it off in the first few months of you guys dating)

he gets into bed with you and looks at your sleeping face and just simply admires it. the sound of your soft snores coming from your parted lips relaxes him.

eventually he very timidly places his lips onto yours, careful not to wake you up.

he places a few more pecks on your lips before pulling the duvet over your body.

after that night, it becomes a routine of his to watch you sleep and to sneak in some maskless pecks to your sleeping figure

#im so tired #wrote this at 2 am lol #i have to get up at 4am lol #vincent sinclair #slashers #house of wax #slashers x reader #bo sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair imagine #vincent sinclair x reader #lester sinclair #lester sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x reader imagine #bo sinclair x reader imagine

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mikalame · 9 months

Text

Fixing up

little tom, young love, reader being a lil sweety ,tom blushing, all that ushy gushy stuff

taglist: @oppopotamus @violentnewmarley @saumspam

Tom and ___ just got done finishing a movie and were now cuddling and enjoying each others company talking about stuff that's happening in their classes/ in their life.

Tom decides to wrap him arm around her back leaning in a tad bit but still leaving quite a gap, but not enough of a gap because ___ could see how bad his hair was getting and how badly it needed a re-twist.

"Tommie your hair is so outgrown you need to re-twist it" she whines tugging at one of the dreads closest to her. "I know, mum keeps on telling me too but i cant be assed" he groans taking the dread back from the girl.

"Ooo Tommie i could do it for you, pretty pleaseee" she beggs with puppy dog eyes "i promise it wont hurt cherries on top". After a few seconds he gives it to her begging and before he realises shes gone and down the hall starting the bath for him hair.

He gets up and cracks his back "my back is gonna kill me after this" thinking back to the time where him mum had his head over the sink to get his hair re-twisted when it was wet.

As he waddled to the bath room he sees a comfy chair with pillows and blankets all huddled around with bill dvd player with some movies stacked next to it.

"Ta da, do you like, i remember you telling me how it hurt when your mum did it cause of the tub so i thought this would be better, don't tell bill i have this tho he'll kill me" she giggles patting the chair in front of her.

"I could get used to this" he says a smirk on him face as he plops down on the chair taking his hair tie out of his hair, he feels soft hands rake through the dreads and he sinks into her touch, slowly drifting off.

He groggily opened his yes when he heard giggling, he looked his shoulder and saw the girl had packed all the things away and was leaning against the bench.

He still heard giggling even tho it was not coming from the girl, confused he looked towards the door and saw Bill, his mother and his step father all crowed by the door giggling.

He looked down and saw that bill had a camera in his hand he put two and two together that he had fallen asleep and bill had taken photos of him,

Him face when bright red in embarrassment and lunged forward to bill to grab the camera off of him but bill slipped away, Tom got tugged back by a soft hand on his own, he instantly knew it was the girl and didn't try to hard to pull back as he hung his face.

As the 2 adults walked away she closed the door, spewing complements that made his face even redder "stopp" he would whine but she just kept on going.

After a few minutes of this they hear a car pull up and Toms mother yells "___, your parents are here to pick you up" as she grabs the last of her things from the bath room she hugs tom goodbye whispering in his ear.

"You are such a cutie sleeper Tommie, i love you, see you at school" kissing his cheek goodbye. As he stands there shocked at what just happened he blushed again.

'Click' he hears and sees bill with his camera taking more pictures of him "Get back here BIll. UGH im gonna kill you!!" Tom yells at his Brother as he runs down the hall squealing.

Hope you enjoyed, dorry this is short im doing this before bed lol,

SEND REQUESTS PLEASE this fandom is lowkey dieing i hate it😭

#tokio hotel #tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz imagines #tom kaulitz fluff

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igncrxntripley · 3 months

Text

their secret weapon pt. 13

synopsis: the group comes face to face with the mastermind behind this evil plan, and y/n works with a friend to devise a plan.

a/n: crawling on my hands and knees to get this done BUT IT HAPPENED.

mentions: poly!judgment day, overall SFW, some cussing, some fighting, fem!reader, mentions of sadness, alludes to feelings of depression.

tags: @thesithdiaries @cassiesgreta @roseheartsworld @theworldofotps @babybatlover @ripleyswhore @auburnwrites @obl1vionblackhart @emogoblin-666 @hereliespumpkin @embertargaryen @neptune-lover @bunnysmyname @i-have-issues-lol @ares-athena @thatonepansexual2000 @witcherfromwallachia @infamousvampcx @christinabae

3 weeks until wrestlemania; 3 weeks until this nightmare would hopefully be over for the judgment day, and they could be reunited with their fifth member. none of them would lie and say the time she'd been away had been easy for anybody in the group though, as y/n being ripped away from the loving grasp of her partners was for no other reason than to get into the heads of those who turned their back on edge.

the house was quieter without her. road trips to the next city and hotel rooms were no longer the same. dressing rooms didn't have the same energy without her. and the entire time it killed the group to know y/n was so close, yet so far away.

and what tormented all of them? kept finn up at night, made damian clench his fists and rhea squirm at the thought? that they had yet to confront edge and tell him exactly how they felt. the man who helped build up y/n as a superstar, was also the man who ripped her away from her lovers; one way or another, the judgment day was going to make sure he got a piece of their mind. it didn’t matter how it happened.

the judgment day was going to make edge’s life hell until wrestlemania.

finn found himself sitting in the group’s bedroom, looking through boxes of y/n’s memorabilia and random things in boxes. most of this stuff was things she just hadn’t gotten around to unboxing when they moved her into their home, but as finn took a closer look, he began to realize why she’d waited.

photo albums. all of which contained pictures of y/n with her chosen family. her first christmas with the copelands, where beth bought all of them matching pajamas and made their family take a picture in front of the christmas tree. the beginning of her career, where beth stood in a practice ring with y/n and coached her through different finishers and submission moves. those long nights backstage at different shows, where a young y/n was absolutely exhausted and adam would keep her comfortable against his side so she could get some rest.

old trophies and titles, random pieces of ring gear, old things from edge and beth’s careers that they’d given y/n…she wasn’t just forgetting to put these things up or take them out of boxes. y/n was scared to do so. she didn’t want to literally open up a box full of hurt and fear after all the pain they’d caused. she was literally and figuratively repressing those emotions.

as finn sorted through the box and tried his hardest not to let his emotions get the best of him, rhea walked into the bedroom and took inventory of the different things in front of her partner. she took a seat next to him, gently rubbing his back and feeling that tension rising inside of him. “she’ll be coming back to us soon, love.” the aussie spoke softly. “only a few more weeks. she’s in good hands.”

“johnny and candance may be good hands but they aren’t her home.” he mumbled. “the fact that they’re treating her like a child and doing this to her is ridiculous anyway.” finn spat, putting the photo album back into the box. “y/n’s an adult. and the one person she sees as her father, one of the most important people in her life, won’t let her come home? our bosses are backing him up? rhea, it’s…” he couldn’t even finish his thought. he shook his head and tried to calm down his boiling anger.

rhea nodded and held finn’s hand. “there’s not much we can do right now.” she said quietly. “we’re all upset. but she’ll be home soon.” she gently turned finn’s head towards her own, holding the irishman’s cheek. “you’re the one who’s going to show him why no one messes with us.”

*****

that moment rhea was speaking of? it came a lot faster than anyone in the judgment day could have emotionally prepared for. it was like the movies, where finn and edge turned the corner at the exact same time and stood face to face for the first time since their newest member was ripped away from the judgment day. finn swore he could feel the anger radiating through his body at the sight of edge; claws were itching at his spine, his stomach felt like it was on fire, and his fists were clenched tight by his side. he took your princess away from you, my prince. it's time to take back what's rightfully yours.

the corner of edge's lip curled into a snarl. in front of him was the man who seemingly corrupted his mentee, the one who took her away from him and beth as another way to get under the skin of the founder of the judgment day. in his mind, he never took y/n away from her newfound family. he was only trying to give her a break from them! he wanted her to take some time to think about her recent choices and possibly remember what exactly the foursome had done to not only her, but himself and beth over the last few months. edge didn't see anything wrong with what he did. the hall of famer was only doing right by the young woman he saw as a daughter.

finn tried taking a deep breath, but his mouth was moving before he could even think about what he was saying. "i'd walk away the other way before i do something i regret."

edge couldn't help but chuckle at finn's statement. the prince was already trying to act so tough? so intimidating? it didn't phase edge one bit. "wow, not even a hello? no how are you?" he playfully looked finn up and down, noting the second bandana in finn's pocket that most likely belonged to y/n. "why so hostile, finn?"

"you know why, don't play dumb with me." finn poked his finger into the rated r superstar's chest. "you know what you did to me, to y/n, to all of us! and you thought the best thing to do was take her away from us when you've ignored her for the last, what, six months? that's not very fatherly of you, adam. more cowardly than anything."

again, edge chuckled. his eyes were growing dark, and he dared himself to step even closer to finn. "i don't need you telling me what's very fatherly. as far as i'm concerned, she's better off without the four of you." he challenged, almost getting joy out of how angry finn was getting at him. "you let her get kicked into a table? she took a spear for you? you doubted her spot in the judgment day? y/n doesn't realize it yet, but the four of you have caused so much more harm than good." edge flashed that cocky smile at finn. "we can continue this conversation in the ring tonight. i'll see you soon."

watching edge walk away, practically reeking of revenge and pure anger, caused all of those feelings within finn to intensify. if he could have unleashed all of that anger backstage, he would have; but finn also knew one wrong move meant having to wait even longer to have y/n in the arms of her four partners again. he wasn't going to risk that, no matter how badly he wanted to wreak havoc.

finn could be patient. he'd wait the three weeks until wrestlemania to give edge a piece of his mind and see their princess again. those three weeks would be hell, but finn was also planning on throwing edge into the deepest pit of pain and agony once he got his hands on him.

only a little while longer, my prince.

*****

each day without her loves, without her family, was causing y/n to fall further into this spiral of sadness. nothing was the same anymore without dominik's laugh, rhea's hugs, damian's bodyguard-esque presence, or finn's kisses. the longer she went without her little family, the more y/n was spiraling into feelings she hadn't felt in a long time, if ever.

sure, she had JD. that was the closest thing y/n had to finn while being away from the judgment day. but it wasn't her finn. being at NXT without any of them by her side wasn't the same. y/n didn't even see the purpose anymore in coming to the PC to work. it was so much easier to hide in johnny and candace's guest room, the lights off and hidden under the covers with rhea's sweatshirt clutched in her hands. no matter how many times she wore damian's t-shirt or looked at goofy pictures with dom, nothing eased the aches in her body.

y/n had practically stopped answering her phone at that point. every text, every phone call, it was ignored and went without response day after day. it didn't matter who it was from, there was radio silence on her end. sometimes the gentle knocks from either candace or johnny on her temporary room even went unanswered. and while people were concerned, it felt like no one was going to do anything to fix it.

no one...except for one particular irishman.

when JD hadn't seen y/n at the PC, she stopped showing up to NXT, his texts and calls went unanswered, he knew he needed to check up on her. finn was trusting him to take care of y/n while she was away, and that meant doing whatever he needed to do for y/n to be even the slightest bit okay. what he didn't realize, even while walking up to the front door of johnny and candace's home, that she already was slipping even further into this deep hole. if JD would have waited any longer, there's no telling how much deeper princess would've fallen.

the hurried, repeated knocks at the front door pulled y/n from her cave of blankets and her partner's hoodies. there wasn't much that could do that as of recent, but she managed this time. she took her time going to the door and opening it, but the sight of JD brought tears to her eyes for a multitude of reasons. guilt, sadness, hurt, anxiety, even a little bit of hope. "you shouldn't be here-"

"y/n..." JD said softly, not even letting her finish her thoughts. his voice alone broke her even more, and before y/n could think twice JD had his arms around his friend in the tightest hug he could manage. he wasn't sure when the last time she got one of those hugs was, so he made note to do it now. to remind y/n she wasn't alone.

y/n wrapped her arms around JD and gripped onto him like her life depended on it. at this point, it basically did; this was the first time in weeks she had someone who wasn't her dad, hunter, or shawn around her. someone who was on her side and actually seemed as though they wanted the best for her. y/n's hands gripped onto JD as tight as she could and she finally let the tears loose down her cheeks. "i-i'm so sorry."

"don't be. you have no reason to be sorry." JD said softly, gently ushering y/n inside with his arms still around her. "come on, y/n. talk to me."

even though y/n wanted everything she was feeling to just pour out, she couldn't. the words were caught in her throat and everything she'd held in for the last month couldn't find its voice. the only thing she could manage were pathetic whines and whimpers, until finally some of those words were choked out. "i just want to go home."

JD's heart broke. he'd never understand why anyone thought taking her away from her family was the right answer. no one was paying attention and noticed that this wasn't helping the frustrations between the judgment day and edge, because they were too focused on themselves. everyone ignored the consequences of their actions.

maybe JD shouldn't have spoken up, but he could only find one answer to the sad statement that left y/n's lips. "who's stopping you?"

y/n's cries slowed down into sniffles and she slowly pulled back to look at JD. "they said i couldn't." the answer felt so simply, yet the solution was even easier. and it never once crossed her mind out of fear of the consequences.

"did they take your key? are they bothering to watch your every move?" JD asked softly, wiping the tears from y/n's cheeks. "you live there too, y/n. no one can stop you from going home. not to the place where you pay the bills with everyone else. the place you call home." JD gently rubbed her arms, managing to give her a smile. "go home, y/n."

again, the answer seemed so easy. the solution was self explanatory. but y/n didn't about it once, until JD mentioned it out of fear for how edge or her superiors would react. needless to say though, JD's words were enough for her to pack her bag and rush out to her parked car in the driveway - the jeep that hadn't moved in days since she stopped going to training sessions. even in the rare cold, florida rain, y/n was rushing home to her people with those same tears rushing down her cheeks.

while the drive wasn't long, it felt like an eternity until y/n was in the driveway of the home she shared with the four people she recognized as her family. she knew their travel schedules and saw everyone was home from their own vehicles being in the driveway and the dimly lit lights through the window, but even after parking and standing in the rain ready to start taking her life back, her legs didn't move.

y/n was terrified, worried someone would catch her and she'd have to face the consequences of going home before she was given permission. even though she didn't need permission, she stood in the rain for a solid five minutes debating if she should've even made the move. but eventually she did it; her tears mixed with the raindrops, and y/n made her way to the front porch before pulling out her phone. her shaky hands sent a quick text to rhea, the aussie being the first of her four partners to pop up in her messages, and waited for someone to hopefully give her the piece of mind she wanted so badly.

"let me in? please?"

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minhosimthings · 2 months

Note

Sex w music (Enha songs)

Alright anon I seriously did not understand what you meant so I just assigned songs to Enha combined with some smut hehe @xxxlov3xxx I KNOW ITS YOU BEHIND THIS

More under the cut!

Fever is such an inherently sexy song, even if it was about a boy who's obsessed with his lover so much that he gets a fever, and that's what makes it perfect for Heeseung. First of all, let's not pretend we didn't see him acting like a whore on that bed in the fever mv. And secondly it would be the sexiest thing to just see him thrust into you at every beat.

Just imagine, the lyrics so perfectly flowing out, and Heeseung providing you with the perfect, tenderly devastating stretch, your heavenly sounds moving out of your mouth in sync with the music. His thrusts start light, easy-going, until the beat of the song picks up, the lyrics start becoming a little too comfortable for him, and the smirk on his face just widens as he leaves you empty for a second and then crashes in again, the fire igniting in your belly so suddenly, that you all as well scream.

Bonus: "All I had to do was play this song and you'd be wriggling under me? My pathetic little princess."

Criminal love for Jay. HEAR ME OUT. It has such beautiful beats and such an amazing melody which I could get high on for days. And if you ever asked Jay, to try giving you pleasure to that song, I feel like he'd be both confused and aroused. Criminal Love combined with your sinful symphonies was a pretty remix Jay could listen to all day.

Paint a picture with me, of you wanting to record yourself while you're getting absolutely destroyed by Jay. And Jay has no problem with it considering its his darling whose asking. And then he's between your legs, the song playing in the background, his sultry voice turning you on. He's already sucked three orgasms from you, his tongue never wanting to leave from your cunt, considering how pretty your mouth was moaning to the melodies. And then you're riding out your fourth devastating orgasm to the ending notes of the song, as Jay looks up at you, his face covered with your cum.

Bonus: "You sound prettier than the song darling. Maybe I should take you to the studios someday."

Blind, atleast to me, is the party song that I would play at Jackson Wang's party (lol). And for that reason I am assigning it to Jake. It's such a fratboy party song, if you view it from the angle of the beats. And I firmly believe Jake would be in love with the idea of fucking you in some club's bathroom while this song plays in the background.

Let's be creative for a second. Jake, you, and his hands firmly pressing you against the glass of the mirror, it's already fogged up by your shaky breaths, Jake had gotten you too aroused by rubbing himself constantly against your clothes. His fingers slip between your folds, preparing you for his length. The song blares in your ears in the background. He finds your waist, pulling your body towards him. His pace fastens, causing your body to slam against her, your eyes still set on the mirror. Your arms shake from holding up your upper body. But of course Jake wouldn't leave you until the song is completed.

Bonus: "Eyes on the mirror baby. I'm not leaving you until the last note of the song ends."

Chaconne is the IT girl of Enha's discography for me, and it's an extremely sexy song and I will literally kill myself if I don't put this song for Sunghoon. Especially with how much he loves to dance to this song, and how fluid his body moves to the beat of this beautiful song, I can see him fucking you on the floor of the dance practice room to this song because you were just too needy and couldn't wait for him anymore.

Imagine Sunghoon speeding up, pummeling into you hard and fast, his large hands coating the surface of your ass and your back, groaning at the way you twitch and writhe underneath him, god damn had the song always sounded this pretty? His hands settle at your waist, gripping you tightly, accentuating the arch of you. He’s so fucking deep at this angle, you can feel him hitting your cervix with each thrust forward, as the best of the song repels your urge to faint into his arms at the overstimulation. It’s an addicting sensation right now—and it will be even later, when the dull ache overtakes you.

Bonus: "I'm never listening to this song again without you, love, you sound so pretty, like my gorgeous little slut."

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cumtastiics · 6 months

Note

I'd totally like a full fic of Aurelius running around his little concussioned, semi-amnesiac patient!

YAN! DOC x G/N READER

tw(s); yandere & mentions of iv's a/n; this has no official title since i'm lazy sorry :p the post that inspired this here oops this became more angsty than i thought if you wanted more fluff erm sorry ab that!! lol!

would def make this fluff if u guys want

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath, rubbing his temple.

Some nurse thought it was a great idea to let you out of your room, almost causing Aurelius to get a heart attack.

"Where's (Y/N)?" He asked the lady at the front desk, his patience leaving.

"They were taken out by that nurse of theirs. The cute guy everyone's been falling in love with," the women spoke, taking a bite out of her granola bar, paying no attention to the others around her.

Aurelius clenched his fists in frustration, his jaw tightening as he fought to contain his anger. "That 'cute guy' needs to learn some boundaries," he muttered, raising an eyebrow at the nonchalant woman. He hesitated for a moment, debating whether to give her a piece of his mind or find you as soon as possible.

Deciding to keep his emotions in check, he forced a strained smile. "Well, thank you for the information," he said, his voice dripping with false politeness. Turning on his heels, Aurelius stormed off in the direction the nurse had taken you.

He couldn't understand how someone could be so irresponsible, oblivious to the potential harm they could cause. All he wanted was to ensure your safety and well-being, and now he had an additional cause for concern.

As he wove through the bustling hospital corridors, his thoughts raced with worry. What if you had been injured or distressed while under the care of the oblivious nurse? The mere thought made his blood boil, making him want to throw up.

Just as he rounded a corner, he caught sight of you standing near a window, seemingly oblivious to the chaos they had caused. Relief washed over Aurelius, briefly suppressing his anger. "There you are," he sighed, his voice filled with a mix of concern and irritation.

"You look mad," you commented, your eyes looking through the window, not paying any attention just like the women from earlier.

"Who brought you out?"

"Some guy. Dunno his name,"

"You're left alone, and not even in a fucking wheelchair for that matter," he spoke, his voice sounding more annoyed as each second passed.

"Sorry..?" You offered, not really wanting to deal with him.

You were finally able to get some fresh air, and you were not going to let him ruin your chance.

'Let's go," he grabbed your arm, making you almost fall over. Aurelius's grip on your arm tightened, his anger boiling over as he yanked you towards him.

"You don't get to just wander off without a care in the world," he growled through clenched teeth. "I'm here to protect you, and if you can't see that, then maybe I shouldn't even bother." His words stung, although you understood his concern.

"I didn't mean to cause you worry," you said, trying to steady your voice. "I just needed a moment to breathe. But I'm fine now."

"Fine? You call this fine?" he scoffed, his grip still firm on your arm. "You could have gotten hurt, kidnapped, who the hell knows what could have happened? And you think it's just fine?"

"I'm not gonna fucking die without you!" You yelled, trying to get out of his grip.

"Yes, yes you will!" Aurelius's voice grew cold, his eyes flashing with a toxic mix of anger and superiority. "You're nothing without me. You're weak, helpless, and if I'm not there to protect you, you'll end up getting yourself killed."

His words tore through you like a knife, the toxicity of his possessiveness becoming unbearable. Anger swelled within you, fueling your determination to stand up for yourself.

"I'm not weak, Aurelius. I can take care of myself. I'm not some fragile little thing that needs to be sheltered from the world," you shot back, your voice laced with a newfound strength. His grip on your arm tightened even more, his face contorting with rage.

"You think you're so tough? You think you can survive out there on your own? You're delusional. You need me, whether you like to admit it or not."

"No, I don't," you replied defiantly, staring him straight in the eyes. "I need someone who respects me, who trusts me, and treats me like an equal. Not someone who thinks they have the right to control my every move."

Aurelius's facade of superiority shattered for a split second, a flicker of vulnerability crossing his face. But it quickly turned back to anger, his toxic traits taking hold once more.

"You're just a fool if you think anyone else could ever care for you like I do," he spat, his voice laced with venom. "But go ahead, try to find someone else. You'll see how quickly they abandon you when things get tough."

You finally got back to your room, after what felt like ages. He glared at you, as you avoided eye contact.

You felt like you were constantly walking on eggshells, never knowing what would set him off next.

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jinnie-ret · 6 months

Note

Heyyyyy could you do a hyunjin x twin sister reader where hyunjin plans a suprise for her (which is introducing her the members cause why not and he thought that she doesn't really listen to kpop much because he knew she would focus more on studies then that) but he finds out by seeing you try to sing one of there songs. Sorry if this is too long lol and if it makes zero sense

2hwang

stray kids x reader (platonic)

genre: fluff

content warnings: none

word count: 1k

summary: hyunjin's twin sister finally meets skz, and much to his surprise, she's a big fan.

I hope you enjoy! I might have gone a little off topic from what you requested but it still has all those ideas! :)

If enjoyed please like, reblog or comment! And if you want to be added to the taglist then let me know!

MAIN MASTERLIST

"Keep up!" Hyunjin teased his twin sister Y/N as they raced up the stairs in the apartment block.

"What, is, wrong, with, you?" Y/N huffed as she trailed behind, only a few steps of course but that didn't mean she'd give up.

"There is nothing wrong with wanting my sister to see where I live!" Hyunjin raises a brow whilst stood hunched over, catching his breath as the palms of his hands rested on his knees.

"Not with that, you idiot! I swear there wasn't a sign saying the lift was broken..." Y/N trailed off.

"Oh that's because there wasn't," Hyunjin shrugged like it was nothing.

"Today will be the day you die, Hwang Hyunjin," Y/N dramatically stormed up to him, yet all possible intimidation was lost when she tripped over the last step.

"Woah! Hahaha," Hyunjin helped her balance herself as he caught her by the arms, and then immediately recoiled. "Ew you're so sweaty. And plus you can't kill me before I see your reaction, Hwang Y/N," he smirked, unlocking the door and opening it.

"See my reaction to what? Your art? I already know you're a hopeless romantic, what else could there be to- oh..." Y/N rambled back before standing still in her tracks at the sight of all the members of Stray Kids sat around on the sofas.

"Surprise!" Hyunjin imitated Lee Know's iconic moment, just without the party blower this time.

"H-hi..." Y/N quietly said, and automatically it was assumed by her twin brother that it was because she didn't know who they were.

In fact, it was the complete opposite.

The boys greeted Y/N with polite bows and greetings, before they all sat down and got comfortable.

"You remind me of someone..." Changbin thought, stroking his chin as if he had the wise beard of a wizard.

"It's probably Hyunjin," Seungmin rolled his eyes, jokingly crying out in pain when Changbin shoved him away.

"Yah you pabo! Of course he doesn't mean that!" Han exclaims.

"Seungmin is just teasing, Hannie," Chan facepalmed, whilst Lee Know, Felix, Jeongin and the twins merely observed from the other sofa.

"Are they always like this?" Y/N whispered to herself, yet Jeongin heard.

"Yes they are, noona... can I call you that?" Jeongin shyly asked.

Y/N's eyes widened.

"What's the matter?" Felix asked curiously.

"Oh nothing haha... but um, yes," she awkwardly answered.

"Hmm you two are very similar," Lee Know observed keenly.

"Ew don't compare me to her!" Hyunjin scrunched his nose and side eyed Y/N.

"There it is haha, the same flustered antics," Lee Know clapped his hands.

"Oh I totally see it," Felix nodded along.

"I don't get flustered!" Hyunjin folded his arms and huffed.

"You just did," Y/N shoved Hyunjin, smirking much like he did to her earlier.

"Yah!" Hyunjin pounced.

"Children! Don't fight!" Chan shouted above all the ruckus that had unfolded in simply ten minutes since the Hwang twins entered the apartment.

"Yes dad," they both rolled their eyes in sync and folded their arms.

"Woah, creepy," Jeongin shuddered, causing Y/N to fondly smile.

"Ah! I got it!" Changbin suddenly clapped his hands.

"Indulge me," Y/N smiled lightly as she sat back down.

"You look like Yeji!" Changbin smirked proudly.

"Oh from ITZY?!" Y/N beamed, excited at the comparison.

"How do you know ITZY?" Hyunjin gasped, shocked at his sister's sudden knowledge, assuming that she swerved away from KPOP all because of one time she stated she wasn't really listening to it anymore.

Which by the way lasted for like 2 hours, Y/N just couldn't find a song she wanted to listen to in that moment and ever since, Hyunjin thought that still applied to this day.

There's a reason he's in Paboracha.

"I love KPOP! Duh!" Y/N facepalmed, looking at Hyunjin with an incredulous look after.

"Hyunjinnie, did you lie to us?" Lee Know also turned to the younger twin, a glare taking over his features. Of course, he didn't really mean it.

"You said you didn't listen to it anymore!" Hyunjin defended himself, holding his hands up.

"Why else do you think that I was so awkward when I came here, Jinnie?" Y/N shyly admitted.

"Oh... Oh!!!" Hyunjin suddenly got excited.

"Oh no..." Y/N sighed.

"Why oh no?" Han laughed at the expression on Y/N's face, one he had often seen painted on Hyunjin's too but because of something he did.

"He's up to something," Seungmin chuckled lightly at Hyunjin's excited expression.

"Y/Nnieeeee, sing our song!" Hyunjin proposed the idea that had gotten him so excited.

"No way! That's so embarassing," Y/N turned away from her brother and hid her face.

"We won't judge you noona," Jeongin tried to reassure her, making her heart burst.

"Ah Jeongin you're too cute!" she let her inner fangirl out and squealed.

"Oh no, she really is like hyung," Jeongin's eyes comically widened as he referred to Hyunjin's obsession with him.

"Come on, Y/N, Hyunjin has told us you like writing, the talent must run in your family, just a little bit of singing?" Chan did his best to convince her and it worked.

"Ok, fine, fine," Y/N scratched the back of her neck wondering what.to sing before she couldn't help but fall into a fit of giggles.

"Come on, don't leave us in suspense!" Felix exclaimed, unable to hide his growing smile from her infectious giggles, ones that mirrored Hyunjin's but more high pitched and slightly quieter.

"Hoodie hoodie negan shim toga ji boogie boogie iepon kogo dance groovy groovy," Y/N perfectly imitated Hyunjin's viral part that had made it into many memes. This of course caused everyone to burst out into laughter.

"Wow she really is a true fan!" Lee Know applauded her approvingly.

"She's better than Jinnie," Changbin smirked.

"It's true," Y/N nodded, ignoring Hyunjin's shrieks in protest.

"Remember who was here first!" Hyunjin shouted emotionally, like he was part of some sort of kdrama. And ever since then, with Y/N being able to join in on their teasing, it was like she knew them from the start.

taglist: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @sakufilms @hanjiquokkaaa @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z

#skz #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids #skz fluff #skz angst #straykids imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #skz fic

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willalove75 · 10 months

Note

Alcina with reader who's just realizing they're gay and is love with her (kinda like not knowing what gay even is until they read one of the books in Alcinas library) (not good with my words lol)

Aw I love this!! Thanks so much for the request!!💕💕

Two Alcina fics in two days?! Well since AO3 was down all day I decided to write another!

Warnings: None

18+ only Minors DNI

After working for the Countess for just over 4 years, you were finally promoted to being her hand servant after your predecessor disappeared. No one is quite sure of what happened to her, there were rumors that the hand servant called her a monster and was sent into the dungeons, another rumor spread that she tried to stab the countess, not being fully aware of her capabilities and was made into a bottle of wine. The most chilling rumor though, was that the Countess got bored of her and killed her for fun. Either way, she disappeared without a trace and would soon be forgotten about all together. It's not like it's uncommon for maids to disappear anyway.

After being the Countess' hand servant for a few weeks you were able to do everything without a second thought. She was quite forgiving the first week given all of your duties were relatively new to you, but after a couple of days you got the hang of it and she hasn't had one complaint about your work since you started.

It's not like all of the work was brand new, growing up in a poor household, you would assist your mother, also a maid, at the various houses of nobility in the village since you were a child. Once you were 18, you were sent off to work for Lady Dimitrescu, partially to keep you safe because the village was rather dangerous, especially at night. Also because the Countess is rather selective of her maids, therefore the pay was good. She seemed rather impressed with the fact that you had almost 10 years of experience at the age of 18 and hired you on the spot.

Although the one downside to the life you've lived thus far was that you were extremely innocent and didn't know much about the world outside the village. Luckily, the castle had the biggest and most beautiful library you've ever seen, and since you loved reading and the Countess allowed maids to borrow whatever books they wanted, you were able to learn about the world outside of the village, learn about history and science and read books you never knew existed. Things you never really had the opportunity to learn much of growing up aside from the basics you were taught in school.

When you became the Countess' hand servant, many maids asked if you were frightened. Sure, the position could certainly be nerve-wracking, but you wouldn't say you were scared. Being surrounded by a pack of lycans that one time, now that was terrifying. Luckily the Countess was nearby and with one swipe of her claws the problem was resolved. But you weren't frightened of her, or of being her hand servant. Truthfully, you weren't sure what you felt. It was almost a nervous feeling, but lighter, you felt that way when you first saw the Countess, and almost as if she could hear your heartbeat increase, she responded with only a small smirk.

Lady Dimitrescu seemed to enjoy the fact that you had this unknown feeling inside of you because it made you very easy to fluster, something you're pretty sure she enjoyed doing to you. A soft caress of your cheek, her hand gently gliding across your back, when she would drop her voice just a bit, adding a sultry tone to it, staring into your eyes captivating you with her big, gorgeous gold irises. All things that would make your cheeks turn pink and make you trip over your words endlessly.

You tried your best to keep yourself composed, but every time you tried, she took it as a personal challenge and tried harder to fluster you, only causing you to fluster more than you normally would. Tonight was not an exception and she continually tried to make your cheeks turn as red as a tomato every chance she got.

Returning her empty teacup to the tray, you begin to blow out the candles in her room, leaving the one on her nightstand lit as always. Lady Dimitrescu sauntered out of the bathroom, you could have sworn she was swaying her hips purposefully, and climbed into bed. You tried your hardest to not look at her while she walked across the room, but no matter how hard you tried, your eyes wandered over to her, looking her up and down. Trying your hardest not to get caught, you raked over her body, her jet black hair, her immaculate hips, her long, strong legs. Suddenly, you meet her gorgeous gold eyes out of the corner of yours and you quickly turn back to your task, a barely noticeable chuckle vibrating in her chest.

As you blow out the last candle, you grab the tray and walk past her bed, trying to get out as quickly as possible now that she caught you staring.

"Before you go, would you please hand me my reading glasses, they're on my vanity."

"Of course my Lady."

Placing the tray on the nightstand, you grab her reading glasses and walk over to the side of the bed. You try and avoid her gaze, but it's impossible. Her gold eyes glow in the dark, captivating you for a moment. Handing her her glasses, her long fingers graze your hand, she slowly pulls away, the sensation lingering on your skin.

"Thank you." She says, staring into your eyes.

You go to open your mouth to speak but no words come out. Satisfied with her ability to leave you speechless with the smallest gestures, she smirks a little. Bringing her fingers to your warming cheek, she gently caresses your skin before cupping underneath your jaw, pulling you towards her. Your heart feels like it skips multiple beats as she pulls you in, a sly grin tugging at the corner of her lips. Lips so perfect, so supple, you wonder for a brief second what they would feel like against yours. The moment you realize your thought your cheeks heat in the palm of her hand and your heartbeat increases. The Countess leans towards you, her lips gently meeting your cheek, your breath hitches in your chest and you suppress an involuntary whimper that nearly escapes. Her lips linger on your skin for a moment before she pulls away, looking into your eyes once more.

"Goodnight, my sweet pet."

Frozen for a moment, you didn't realize her hand had left you. She looks up at you with amusement as she lays her head on the pillow. Once you snap out of the trance you're able to squeeze a "Goodnight my Lady." out before grabbing the tray, doing your best to keep it steady in your shaking hands, and leaving.

In the kitchen you find your friend, Antonia, finishing up her duties for the night.

"What's gotten into you? Countess got your tongue?" She teases.

"I-I don't know." You lean in a little. "She kissed my cheek."

"She what?!"

"Yeah, I-I don't know." Your cheeks turn a deeper shade of red.

"Do you have a crush on her?"

"What?"

"You heard me!"

"I don't know, I've never- but she's a woman?"

"Oh my sweet summer child, you have much to learn don't you?" You look at her with confusion and she chuckles. "You like reading, yeah?"

"Yeah?"

Antonia grabs a pen and paper and writes something down and hands it to you.

"Go find this book in the library and read it. It'll teach you a few things you should know, things I'm truly shocked you never learned given you've been here for so long now."

"O-okay."

The following morning your alarm wakes you up and you shower, get dressed and head to the kitchen to get the Lady's tea. Bringing the tray up to her room, she's already awake and instructs you to leave it on the nightstand and that she will get herself ready this morning. She also tells you that since it's Sunday, there's nothing she'll need you for until afternoon tea and then nighttime preparations after dinner so you have the rest of the day to yourself.

Once you leave her chambers you head straight to the library and find the book Antonia told you about. "The Price of Salt." You spot one of the chaise lounges off to the side and take a seat and begin reading. The book is fascinating and not incredibly long, drawing you in rather quickly. As you're reading, there's a sense of familiarity with the characters that you can't quite put your finger on, and when the two women go on a road trip together it becomes clear. Putting the book down for a moment, a realization washes over you, you always thought that there was something wrong with you because you never had crushes on boys the same way your friends did growing up. The thought of marrying a man and having children never appealed to you and part of you just thought you were broken since there was never any other alternative option. But you weren't broken, there wasn't anything wrong with you, you were just different from the rest. You were like Carole and Therese, not broken, just not interested in men.

Catching a glimpse of the clock you realize that you're almost late for the Lady's afternoon tea. With the book tucked away in your apron pocket, you dash to the kitchen and Antonia walks over to you with the tray.

"Where were you?!"

"I was reading that book you told me about."

She raises an eyebrow as she hands you the tray.

"Aaand?"

"It opened up a door to things I never knew existed."

"Hah! I knew it, but you can thank me later, go before she gets mad at you for being late."

You get to the Lady's study and gently knock on the door.

"Enter."

Opening the door, she looks up from her papers and stares at you.

"You're late."

"I am so sorry my Lady."

"And what is the reason for your unusual tardiness?"

Placing the tray on the side table, she motions for you to come to her with her finger. Looking at the floor, you clasp your hands in front of you.

"I apologize my Lady. Truthfully, I started a new book this morning and I lost track of time. I won't let it happen again."

You feel a gloved finger under your chin as she tilts your head up to look at her. With an arched eyebrow, she looks at you and then her eyes flicker down, noticing the book in the pocket of your apron. Her hand leaves your face and she pulls the book out of your pocket.

"And was this the book in question?"

"Yes my Lady."

She turns it around and reads the title, she smirks at it and her eyes shift back to you.

"A lovely selection, although I'm quite surprised a book like this piqued your interest."

You feel your cheeks redden and you look down.

"Antonia, from the kitchen, recommended it. She said it would, um, teach me things I should know."

The Countess hums and stands up, making her way to the armchair in the room.

"Pour me a cup of tea, my pet. No sugar today."

"Yes my Lady."

After pouring her tea and adding the blood, you walk it over to her, the book still in her hand. She takes a sip and places the cup on the table next to the chair and motions for you to come forward. When you step forward, you're taken by surprise when she grabs you by the waist and pulls you into her lap.

"So, tell me my pet, did you learn anything from this book?"

"Yes, my Lady." You say, avoiding eye contact.

"And what is it that you learned?" She asks, placing her finger under your chin once more and turning your gaze to her.

"Ha-have you read this book before, my Lady?"

"I have, many times. But I thought I asked you a question." She says, arching her eyebrow.

"Sorry my Lady. I-I didn't know that, um, two women could-" you look up at her, feeling the heat radiating off of your cheeks and don't finish your sentence.

The Countess begins to laugh and lightly throws her head back. Her laugh captivates you, it almost makes you forget about how mortified you feel right now. Admiring how the crows feet crinkle in the corners of her eyes, how her perfectly red lips frame her beautiful smile, how her laugh is like music to your ears.

Suddenly, it hits you, it wasn't nerves or fear, the feelings you've had towards the Countess were anything but that. You weren't afraid of her, you were in love with her.

"I do apologize, it's not often that I encounter such innocent maidens. Especially ones who have been here so long." She says with amusement twinkling in her golden irises. Her fingers caress your cheek and you feel a flutter so intense in your stomach your hands immediately cover it. Lady Dimitrescu chuckles as she strokes your cheek. "Oh my sweet, innocent little pet. Tell me, did you find yourself relating to the women in the novel?"

"Yes my Lady, very much so."

"Did you not know what those feelings were before?"

"No my Lady, I-I thought perhaps I was broken because I never felt any attraction to men."

"Well that is preposterous, although I understand knowing how taboo the topic is, especially in the village. I remember feeling that very same way in my youth until I learned about the other, possibilities."

Your eyes widen when you hear her speak.

"Wait, you're...?"

"A lesbian? Yes my pet, I have been for nearly a hundred years."

"Oh."

"You really didn't know?"

"No my Lady, I didn't even know it existed until today."

"Well do you prefer the company of women?"

"I-I guess. I don't enjoy the company of men."

"Me either." She says with a laugh. "There's a reason, besides the fact that I find those manthings wretched, I employ only women, have paintings of women and statues of women throughout the castle."

"That does make sense."

"I must say I am fascinated by your innocence."

"Thank you, my Lady, I think."

The Countess chuckles and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Tell me, my sweet little pet, what brought this up when you were speaking with Antonia?"

"Uh-" you freeze for a moment and your cheeks heat up once more. There's not an ounce of you that wants to admit that a simple kiss on the cheek from her is what started all of this.

"May I take a guess?"

You nod your head, unable to break eye contact with her. Lady Dimitrescu leans into your ear. With her body pressed up against yours, your heart begins to race.

"Was it, perhaps, when I kissed you on the cheek last night?" Her voice was low and sultry, one of her hands slowly slides up your thigh and rests on top of it and your eyes flutter shut. You nod your head "yes" to answer her question, unable to form words. "That's what I thought, how sweet." The Countess grazes her teeth softly across your earlobe, sending a shudder down your body. A whimper-like moan escapes from your lips and you feel a pressure building up between your legs.

Lady Dimitrescu inhales through her nose, smiling as she exhales.

"Oh draga mea, your arousal smells delightful. Is that all I have to do to excite you?" She asks, teasing you.

Still unable to utter any words, you stare into her eyes. You can't believe this is happening, any of it. Lust begins to fill her eyes as she looks at you, you feel drawn to her in a way you've never felt drawn to anyone else before. Your eyes flicker from her eyes down to her lips. They're so close to yours, they look so full so kissable, you desperately want to know what they feel like on yours, to know what they taste like.

"Is there something you want, pet?" She asks.

"Yes, my Lady." You whisper, your eyes not leaving her lips.

"If you ask nicely I may indulge you, sweetling."

"Please." You breathe.

The corner of her lip pulls into a smile and before you know it, they're on yours. It takes you by surprise for a moment, but the softness of her lips, the coolness against your burning skin immediately relaxes you. So much so that a moan erupts from the back of your throat into her mouth. She takes the opportunity to slide her tongue into your mouth, another moan escapes as your tongue dances around hers. You're not sure how long you were kissing her for, seconds, minutes, hours, who knows? All you know was that the entire time you felt like you were floating. When did your fingers tangle into her hair? When did she grab the back of your head? When did you adjust in her lap to straddle her leg? You have no idea what the answers to any of these questions are. The only thing you know is that when your lips finally parted and she sucked on your bottom lip, pulling it between her teeth, you were in heaven.

With hooded eyelids you look up into her eyes while you gently pant. The Countess cups your face and caresses your cheek with her thumb, pressing a kiss into your forehead. She pulls you into her and you lay against her chest.

"Oh my sweet little pet," she says, stroking your hair. "we are going to have lots on fun together."

#willalove75 #wlw fanfic #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu fanfic #lady dimitrescu x reader #alcina x female reader #re8 alcina #alcina dimitriscu x reader #alcina x reader #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil village #resident evil

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