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callofdudes · 1 year

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Celebrating your birthday with the boys.

A/N: Guess whose birthday it is today. Definitely not mine 😉 so I'm breaking from requests for a day to give myself, and yourself, a treat. I apologize in advance for any mistakes. This was written on the day of even though I tried to start before. 😅

Celebrating your birthday with them. (Platonically)

Word Count: 3.3K

"Do you really want to see? It's a mess there." Ghost grumbled, walking the halls with Alejandro and Rudy. "I'm sure it's fine." But Rodolfo's face contorted in horror when he saw it. Gaz and Soap were messing around while the cake was sagging and there was flower everywhere.

"¿¡Qué estáis haciendo todos!? ¿¡Queréis hacer de este sitio un puto granero!?" What are you all doing!? Do you want to make this place look like a fucking barn!? Rodolfo stormed in and grabbed Soap by the collar. "Alejandro help me get them out of here."

"Si." Alejandro rushed in and pushed the two men out. "Oh but we were baking-"

"No! This is not baking! This is a disaster! You leave the baking to the professionals while you go decorate or something!"

"Rudy-"

"¡Si vuelves a entrar en esta cocina empujaré esta espátula tan lejos que no brille el sol!" If you come back into this kitchen I will shove this spatula so far the sun doesn't shine!

They had no idea what he said but he was getting louder and angrier so they quickly slipped away.

Alejandro grabbed an apron and quickly threw away the saggy cake and wiped the counter. They emptied all the bowls and got out the ingredients they really needed. "Now we do this properly." Rodolfo huffed.

Ghost stepped down from the office wall and looked at the banner across the front. He hummed softly, and then he noticed it. "The tac is almost a centimeter off."

"Good graces Ghost, leave it alone!" Soap demanded and grabbed Ghost away before he could go back again. Let's fix up the table and add the table cloth. Ghost grumbled but left the banner alone. For now.

And Price was stuck writing a birthday card since he'd been so busy with meetings as to forget.

And all of this was happening at two in the morning.

It was around 4AM that Gaz slumped against the couch and passed out. Soap was too tired to go to his room and stole a pillow to use for the floor, and Price relaxed in his desk chair. Simon was still awake so he went to check on Alejandro and Rudy who were still awake surprisingly.

They were bustling around the kitchen like a machine at work, the second he appeared Rudy turned with a spatula. "¡Cabrones, os dije que os mantuvierais fuera de la cocina o me ayudaríais!" Fuckers I told you to stay out of the kitchen or so help me! He paused. "Oh. Hi Ghost."

"Parra. How is the cake coming along?"

"Much better than before." Alejandro peeped from the back where he looked to be layering icing onto a finely cut and well cooked looking cake. "Good. They're all passed out there so…"

"Serves them right. Me and Alejandro will clean up when we're done. Thank you." Ghost nodded and started to head towards his room. He had a long day tomorrow.

Birthday's in the military were a normal thing. Usually recruits would celebrate with each other and spend the day trying to get away from their drill sergeants. But once you have been serving for a while the idea of your birthday becomes almost numb. You have bigger things to worry about than your birthday. That was you. You had a stressful year and the idea of your birthday was out the window.

You just felt like laying in bed all day. You rolled out of bed and started to slip on your loose uniform. You looked briefly at your clock and cursed yourself. You were supposed to report to lieutenant Riley for today. Which would have been an hour ago. Hopefully you could get off easily, Ghost wasn't harsh with you unless you really acted out.

You yawned and slipped out of bed and to your door. The hallway was quiet and it almost felt empty. You looked around for any noises. Usually Gaz would be clattering by the kitchen and you could hear Soap blasting his music from the shower room. But it was dead silent.

"Ok..?"

You closed the door and started to walk down the hallway when you saw Simon. You smiled, finally, a familiar face. But your smile faltered when you realized how fast he was walking. His steps were usually silent but he was making a point to announce himself. His shoulders seemed more firm than usual. And he was headed right for you.

"Ghost?"

He looked down at you downright angry. "What is you're problem? Did you think you'd actually be able to get away with it?" He growled.

"I- Ghost I don't know what you're talking about-" He grabbed your wrist and pulled you close. "Don't play games with me sergeant, it will not go over well."

"What did I do?" You looked down at Simon's grip and attempted foolishly to pull away. "Come with me. Price wants a word with you."

You gasped when he turned and started back down the hallway. "I don't know what I did! What's going on!?"

"Mhm. Tell that to Price and Laswell."

"Laswell is here!? Ghost what is going on-"

"Quiet sergeant!"

You shut your mouth and bowed your head. Guess you'd have to learn the hard way of whatever Ghost thought you were doing. But Ghost seemed very serious and you weren't going to test him with questions. Surely Price would be much more understanding.

As you walked the hall you looked around but everything was dead quiet. The kitchen was empty, other barrack doors were closed tight and not even the recruits made a noise. You felt your heart start to pump when you neared Price's office.

You just had to calm down. There was no way you could have done anything. But the way Ghost was walking he looked beyond pissed with you. So you kept your head low when Ghost opened the dark office. It was pitch black, all the lights cut and you could barely see the edge of the desk. Ghost shoved you inside and closed the door behind him.

"Ghost..?"

"You honestly thought we'd forget, didn't you?" His voice was a downright growl. You gulped. What in the hell was going on.

Ghost reached over and flicked the lights. You hissed and covered your face as Alejandro, and Rodolfo jumped out from behind the desk and Price, Gaz, Soap, and König jumped out from behind the couch. How they all fit back there must have been a miracle.

"Happy birthday!!"

Simon hugged you around the neck and smirked under his mask. "Thought we wouldn't remember?"

You blinked slowly and sighed. "So in not in trouble..?"

They all burst out into laughter and crowded around you. "The top tier acting was brought to you by Ghost- over there Alejandro and Rodolfo slaved over your cake." You briefly looked over and saw the three tier cake decorated in your favorite color fondant.

"And decorations were brought to you by us three." You looked over at König and smiled. "So when did he get here?"

"Oh he flew in yesterday when we called. He had about a four hour notice and has had no sleep." Johnny pronounced.

König drooped. "Happy birthday. Didn't want to miss it y'know?"

"Oh, guys." You felt tears in your eyes. You smiled and opened your arms. Johnny was the first one to sweep you into a warm and very tight hug. "We love you so much. Another year of awesomeness eh?" You chuckled. "If you say so, sergeant."

Price was the next one who managed to squeeze in. He wrapped you in his arms and patted your back. "I've known you for so long and yet I keep seeing you grow and grow." You held that hug for a minute before Gaz was able to hug you. Followed by König who slumped over.

"Hey big guy."

He hummed.

"Long flight?"

He nodded and bent down to drape himself against you. "I'm glad you came. It means the absolute world to me." He hummed and squeezed you tighter. And then Alejandro and Rodolfo bugged In. "Amigo!" Alejandro greeted you.

"Alejandro!" They slammed you between them and sandwiched you between them. "We are proud of you." Rodolfo whispered so the others couldn't hear. "So proud, friend." Alejandro whispered after.

They pulled away and you smiled up at Simon, who nodded softly. You turned around and smirked. "Come on! I'm not letting you off that easily!" He scoffed, but hugged you anyway. "Happy birthday." He whispered.

Soap grabbed your hand and pulled you away. "Alright! Enough of the greetings, we need to open presents- please!"

"Soap. We talked about presents after cake and games." Price spoke.

"Oh pleeeease! I really want them to see what I got for them!!"

Price rolled his eyes. "Let's ask Y/N then. Y/N, what do you want to do?"

Both men looked at you and you shrugged. "Games and cake?"

Soap slouched. "Oh come on!"

"Birthday rules son. Go get the games."

"Fine." Soap muttered and trudged off toward the closet where the games were being stashed for the time being.

You chuckled as Soap rummaged to through the closet and came back with four separate games. Twister of course, a classic around the base. Battleship, Ghost always kicked your asses. Uno, a classic Gaz game. And regular cards which Price was pretty good at in all the games. Soap was good at Twister and that was about it. He was a good sport about it until he lost battleship to Ghost 24 times in a row and now he doesn't like the game anymore. Ghost still teases him about it.

You sat down at Price's desk as Soap brought the games over and you jokingly chose to play battleship.

"No! I'm not playing! Ye 'n' ghost wi' yer glaikit radge games!"

"Oh come on John, don't be upset." You teased.

"i'll shaw ye pure upset ye twa faced birthday con. Th' lot o' ye!"

"Soap that's enough." Price said.

You only chuckled. "I think he's upset. What do you say Ghost? Are we on?"

The man uncrossed his arms and walked over to his seat. "Don't expect me to go easy on you just because it's one silly day in the month."

"Never."

Anyway. Skipping the detail, half an hour and four games in you and Ghost were 4-0… and you were about ready to cry.

"B-4!? Where the fuck did you hide this thing!!?" Ghost chuckled at your fury. "Yes."

"Wait- I hit something?"

"Yes."

"What did I hit!!?"

"I'm not going to tell you until we're finished."

"Ghost-"

"And considering my last two guesses vertical along the board were correct I'm going to guess A-6."

You whined as Ghost had sunk your last ship. "You win…"

And then you played Twister with Soap and König. Now you have a fair chance.

Price spun the dial and looked down at his paper. "Y/N, left hand red."

You reached your hand over and planted it on the closest red to you. You were stretched out almost in a plank with Soap hunched over diagonally. König was off in the corner stretched out comfortably between yellow, yellow, blue and green. Curse his long limbs.

"How are you doing down there? Feel like giving up?" Soap teased.

"In your dreams!" You cursed back.

Price spun again. This time it landed on red. "König, right hand to red." König moved and was now converging on Soap and your two person tower.

"Soap. Left foot green."

The man complied and shuffled awkwardly to the closest spot.

"Y/N. Right foot yellow." You groaned as you were now almost starfished across the board.

"You look mighty comfy over there!” you yelled at König who still looked very peaceful. "Yes. I am."

Price spun and sighed. "König, left hand Yellow." König winced. His feet were already set on yellow. He stretched his hand over toward Soap and slowly crawled his way further up the board. Your arms were shaking by the time König was almost trying to maneuver on top of you two as well.

"König, right hand to green."

König tried to move but his feet slipped from under him on the mat and he came crashing down on top of you two. You cried when Soap plummeted on top of you, followed by an even heavier König.

"König!!! Off! Off! OFFFFF!!!"

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" König rolled off and rushed to help the two of you. Soap groaned. "You're heavy dude…" Once Soap was off of you König hesitantly reached to help you. But you were now a flattened starfish.

"Just leave me here for a bit."

And so you watched from the floor as the boys all played Go Fish.

Rodolfo ended up winning.

Once you'd sufficiently recovered you played Uno. You played four rounds in which Alejandro won, then you, then Gaz, then Price…

"Ghost! You're not making this easy!" You pleaded with your game partner who frowned at you before silently trying to reinact his game card. "Princess?? Royalty??" He pointed and nodded, meaning you were close. "Uhh, long hair- stick??" Ghost smacked his forehead. He tried again and made a small shape with his hand. "Mushroom?? Ghost what are you talking about???"

Next to you Rodolfo was rereading his card before looking back up at Alejandro. He raised his hands high and spread his arms. "Oh! Oh! I know what you're talking about!" Alejandro gasped. "The statue of the Redeemer!" Rodolfo jumped, able to break his silence. "Yes! Yes!"

You slumped. "That's not fair! You guys are like twins! Ghost, what were you?"

"Princess Peach. Gosh, you're stupid."

"How was I supposed to know!? Price, get over here you're my new partner." The man stood from his chair and placed down his coffee. "Alright, give me a card, König, Soap, you two are up next."

Price looked down at the card and sighed. When Soap and König were ready he got down on his knees and looked up at you with the best eyes he could.

"Oh! Puppy?"

"Yes!!" You cheered when he stood.

"How did you get that!?" Ghost scoffed. "I'm starting to think you're just bias."

"König, you try." Price urged. The taller man sighed but grabbed a card from the box. He looked down at it and whined. But fine.

He stood in front of you while Ghost and Soap teamed up. Soap started to make motions and the two of you got to guessing.

König stood tall and brought one arm up above his head and the other to his side at an angle.

"Uhh…" You gaped.

He sighed and started to move the head to his side around him. "Oh! Clock?" König nodded but he kept going. It needed to be specific. "Grandfather clock?" König shook his head. He tapped the top of his head and pointed upward.

"Oh! A big clock!"

He nodded. "Ok… what big clock? Is it famous?" He nodded. "Oooh, ok… where is this clock?"

König bounced. He took a new position and got down on his knees and pointed above him. "What??" You looked over at Soap who was trying to show he was riding a bicycle while Ghost just sat there utterly defeated by the sight.

You looked back at König who was standing and pretended to open a door. He stepped into that door and pressed his knuckles to the side of his face with his thumb and pinky out.

"Phone- phone booth?" He nodded.

"What does that have to do with the clock??"

König slumped against. He started to spell words by dragging his fingers through the air. R.E.D

"Red? The phone booth is red?"

He nodded.

"Red phone booth and clock??? Oh! Big Ben in London!"

"Yes! Thank goodness!" König gasped.

"Oh finally."

Soap sighed. "I was on a bicycle." He confessed.

"Bicycle?? You looked like you were having a stroke sergeant!"

"Alright everyone. Cake and presents." Price motioned over to the table where Rodolfo, Alejandro, Gaz and he were sitting.

You took your seat at the head of table where Soap snapped a party hat onto your head and Simon brandished one of his lesser valuable knives. "I can't believe such a a blade is demoted to this." He grumbled and cut you a piece of the top.

Your smile grew so wide when you saw the inside and how your favorite fruit had stained the compote.

"Compliments to the baker's: Rodolfo and Alejandro worked all night. It originally was going to be made by Gaz and Soap but…" you laughed. "I wouldn't eat that If it was my last meal!"

Ghost chuckled. "Told you both."

König sat next to you and nudged a small box toward you with a shy gaze. "For later, ok?" You nodded and tucked the present into your pocket.

The cake was wonderful. Those two were as good of bakers as they were cooks.

You all told jokes and talked as you are until presents went around. Ghost went first, naturally because that's how it always went. He slid over the package and you were surprised by how nice it was wrapped. When you opened it you weren't surprised to see a throwing knife. The blade end was jagged and the tip was freshly sharpened. On the handle your initials had been carved into it. "Thank you, Ghost. As lovely as always." He shrugged it off but was secretly happy you loved it. Even if you loved the knife he got you for Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and Easter, and your last birthday. You loved each one.

Soap was next to shove his gift. I'm your face and practically squirming when you opened it.

"Soap…" You looked at the giant metal briefcase with a large WARNING label on it, and a CAUTION label underneath it. "I'm scared to ask…"

Soap squealed. "It's an experiment kit. You can make your own concocted explosions!!"

You blinked. "Thanks. I guess." Soap giggled and sat back down. You were about to move on when you saw Soap still looking at you expectantly. "Yes Soap. I will let you use it. ONCE!"

"Yeeeesss!"

Gaz got you a shirt from your favorite band, Alejandro got you a chain necklace and Rodolfo gave you a collage of several photos you took during your time in Mexico with them.

"Thank you guys. These are wonderful."

Price got you more comic books from your favorite series since he's always hearing you talk about how you have to read the same ones over and over again, unable to leave base to get more until your next leave.

You all hung out for a while longer until Price and Ghost were ultimately called away to tend to their duties. You hung out with the others until it was getting late.

"Well, this was amazing." You yawned. "But I should be getting to bed, it's late and I have training in the morning." They all waved you off to bed with your new gifts.

You were walking down the quiet hallway, smiling all the way as you thought about what a great day you'd had. You placed your gifts safely in their assorted places and flopped into bed. Something knocked into your hip and you gasped in pain. You pulled the thing out of your pocket and looked down at the small package. König's gift. He usually didn't like you opening his gifts in front of others.

You smiled and pulled off the plain wrapping and twine. It was a little more with the bright orange words "Thanks for being my best friend!" On it. You chuckled and opened it. Inside was a small Polaroid photo of your first mission with him.

You had been downed and he was forced to carry you on his back to the helicopter with a bad knee. You were both bloody and covered in dirt. Your clothes were ripped but you were smiling bright and you could see the excitement in his eyes. You were on his shoulders and both of you were flexing your muscles, back safely on base.

You held the photo to your chest and felt a tear slip down your cheek. You really did have amazing friends.

#simon ghost riley #alejandro vargas #call of duty headcanons #john soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish #rodolfo parra #call of duty #captain john price #john price #könig x reader #rodolfo x reader #alejandro x reader #soap x reader #ghost x reader #x reader #könig is a sweetheart #platonic ghost x reader #platonic x reader

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asanionyx · 10 months

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Wet Dreams

Tags: Trans Soap x Ghost, fingering, boypussy.

A/N- This is my first ever fic. Sorry if the quality of the writing is bad!

TW: use of pussy, hole, dick, cunt.

Soap wakes up to wetness and slick beneath him. He slightly removes the covers to see the scene he’s made as recollection of the wet dream he had comes in waves.

“Ugh…” he groans in frustration as shame and embarrassment fills his body. He turns his head to see a sleeping Ghost next to him.

The situation Soap is in starts to dawn on him. Panic starts to set. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! Soap thinks as his brain tries to think of a fast solution.

Soap and Ghost were forced to sleep in one bed during a slow mission. It was the only one available in the Inn. Neither man was bothered by it until now. Soap was sweating bullets.

If Ghost woke up now to see Soaps mess, there is no way he’d look at Soap the same. Soap looked around for anything to help him. Absolutely nothing. If he moves Ghost for sure would wake up, he was a light sleeper. He had to be for a job like theirs.

Soap had no other options at this point. He decided he’d leave the bed as slowly as he possibly could then figure it out from there. Soap grabbed the covers, slowly lifting them as he used his feet to try and slide off the bed.

“Mmmhh” Ghost moans as his sleep starts to waver. Soap froze in place, laying there eyes wide watching Ghost flutter his eyes open. Soaps heart flew straight to his ass. He knew he’s done for.

“Good morning, Johnny.” Ghost groans out, voice dark and hoarse. Soaps cock twitches at the sound. Fuck, not now! Soap thinks.

“Good morning, LT.” Soap says voice cracking from fear. Ghost instantly notices the wet spot in the covers when he’s fully awake. He looks at Soap and stares.

“Johnny.” Ghost says sternly making Soaps entire body shiver. “Did you piss yourself, Soap?” Ghost asks.

“N-no, I- it’s not piss.” Soap stutters voice weak with embarrassment. “I-I’m so sorry, LT, I’ll clean it up.” As Soap tries to stand Ghost stops him by grabbing his forearm firmly, bringing Soap back to lay in his wetness.

Ghost reaches down and cups Soaps pussy in his big hand. “Ah,” a moan flows out of soaps mouth from the unexpected touch.

“How do you even get this wet?” Ghost comments, his gaze unwavering from Soap. Ghost moves closer, hand still in Soaps pants. Ghost uses his index finger and ring finger to spread Johnny open.

Soap gasps as air suddenly hits his sensitive hole. Ghost then taps his middle finger on Soaps entrance. Johnny’s cunt twitches at the loss of touch. Satisfied with the reaction, Ghost started drawing circles around Soap’s entrance, a smirk springing up on his face.

Soap bits his lip as he watches Ghost’s hand at work, anticipation killing him.

“Hah, bloody put it in already, Ghost!” He spits out frustration too much to handle. Ghost chuckles at the impatience, obliging his demand by slowly putting his finger in.

Agonizingly slow. “Ghooooossst.” Soap says firmly, impatiences eating him alive. Ghost swiftly takes the finger out causing Johnny to gasp and whimper at the loss. “Ghost, please.” He whines. Ghost’s smirk only growing bigger.

“I get to set the pace, Johnny.” Soap turns to Ghost with furrowed eyebrows, “but-“ Ghost cuts him off by shoving his finger back in him. “Ah-!” Soap clinches his pillow for anything to keep him grounded.

Ghost starts to pump his finger in and out. He inserts another finger and fastens his pace. Johnnys eyes shut tight as his mouth opens in pleasure.

Ghost decides to add a third finger making Johnny unconsciously spread his legs wider, welcoming the addition. “Fuck, you’re so tight…” Ghost gasps at the tight fit, imagining what Johnny must be feeling.

“Simon…” Johnny whispered overwhelmed with pleasure. Butterflies formed in Ghost’s stomach at the sound of his name. He starts moving his fingers again, this time going slow. Soap tilts his head closer to Ghost fighting how overwhelmed he is.

Small moans escape Johnny’s lips as Ghost starts to quicken his fingers. Ghost melts at the sounds Soap is making for him.

“UH! Fuuuuccckk…” Ghost is knuckles deep in Johnny now. His fingers making sinful sounds as they go in and out of Soap’s tight pussy.

Ghost starts rubbing Johnny’s dick as he gets closer to his climax. “Fuck fuck, Simon!” He yells as he reaches his high. Ghost thrusts his fingers a few times before slowing down. He keeps his fingers there for a few seconds as Johnny catches his breath.

Soap whimpers as Ghost removes his fingers and puts them in his mouth. “Do I taste good?” Soap asks teasingly as a big smile forms on his face.

“You taste amazing.” Ghost answers after sucking his fingers clean.

#cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #call of duty #ghost x soap #ghostsoap #john soap mactavish #simon riley #smut #cod smut

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bleepblopbloop56 · 3 years

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i wrote alvin and the chipmunks fanfic and now thats everyone elses problem

tw for like food insecurity

There was a small pitter of claws against hardwood that was always filling the modest Seville household. The chipmunks had prided themselves on their human characteristics, wearing clothes, shoes, glasses, getting their haircut at normal barber shops and going to normal highschools, even if they had to sit on books and high chairs at restaurants and cafeteria tables. Despite this, they still took advantage of running on four paws whenever they had the chance, and twisted and skittered up surfaces like they did with the thinnest tree branches back in the woods. The railing of the stairway was covered in claw marks from the boys scaling it quickly when chasing each other, or the rare occasion Dave had attempted to bring in a dog or cat to watch for a friend.

The sound of small footsteps was enough to wake simon. He had always been the lightest sleeper, spending years protecting his brothers in the woods without the advantage of sight had solidified this trait in him even long after the boys had moved into the suburbs and safety of daves house. The small door at the corner of their regular sized bedroom door was swinging lightly, as if someone had just left. Simon shoved on his glasses, sitting up and looking to see which of his brothers was up this time of night. Theadore was out like a light, obviously, his face being illuminated by the alarm clocks electronic lights on the nightstand beside him, his red numbers blinking at 3:00 am in his sleeping form. He turned to his second brother's bed and of course,Alvin's bed was empty, covers thrown to the side and pillow laying across the foot of the bed, as if he'd hastily tossed it out of his way.

“Ugh, alvin..'' Simon groaned to himself, rubbing the fur in between his eyes in annoyance. Usually he'd leave him to go discover his mess in the morning and leave Dave to ground him for the rest of the week, but considering the door had just clicked closed it might not be too late to spare them both the trouble. He swung his legs off the side of the bed, carefully scampering across the floor on all four paws to avoid waking theodore. He slipped out the door and down the stairs, peeking his head slowly around the corner and into the kitchen. Alvin had crawled into the cabinets, filling his hoodie pockets with food and looking around, paranoid. Alvin had always loved that hoodie, it took going through 4 different fabrics before he found one he liked enough to let Dave sew into a hoodie. It wasn't only the color he was particular about, but the texture. Some of the hoodies before this one made his skin crawl just to touch it. Dave dismissed it as him just being picky, but Simon knew that his brother had always had an issue with textures and fabrics, however little they came in contact with in the wild. The mere act of shoving food into his precious hoodie was enough to make simon suspicious

Simon ducked behind the wall before he could be caught, slowly peeking his head back when it was safe. Alvin hopped from the cabinets to the counter, then the chair, then back to the floor, running right past Simon and onto the stairs without even noticing his onlooker.

“Um, alvin?” Simon spoke up, stopping Alvin in his tracks. He flinched hard, fur sticking up like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have. “What are you doing”

Alvin turned slowly to his brother, standing up on his back feet and pinning his ears down nervously. He tried to smile casually and put his hands in his pockets, but that just pushed a sheeseball from his pocket and sent it tumbling down the stairs. He watched it with thinly disguised horror as it rolled away.

“Ohh.. hey si, what are you doing awake”

“I heard you leaving” a tired yawn priced itself out of Simon's mouth, a paw coming up to cover it. Alvin bit back the urge to yawn as well.

“Oh yeah, just a little midnight snack, nothing to worry about there” Simon did not look convinced. He stared deadpanned at Alvin and he dropped his shoulders. Alvin's eyes met the floor nervously looking for another excuse simon would accept “its nothing, simon, really”

“If it's nothing why wont you tell me”

Alvin took a deep sigh, sitting down on the steps and pulling his knees into his chest. The food crunched a little uncomfortably in his pocket and Simon inwardly sighed at the mess he was making. Alvin twitched his nose a little, trying to hold back a few of the tears that were starting to pick at his eyes. Simon came and sat down on the step beside him.

“It's just…” he started, closing his eyes tight like he was expecting simon to shut him down before he even began “its been getting colder, lately, and i don't know i guess i just”

“You've been hoarding food” Simon gasped out a little, finishing Alvin's sentence. He nodded roughly, a little scared to open his eyes. He wrapped his arms around his knees and hugged himself tight. “Alvin, you… we don't have to do that anymore, you know we're safe here”

“i , i know that, i do but its just.. Its dumb.”

“Its not”

“I know we're supposed to be like everyone else and we're supposed to be normal kids but.. When I feel it getting colder it's like.. My chest gets tighter? I get.. Antsy? I don't know how to describe it” he ran his claws through his fur, ruffling it and messing the patterning up. “It's like I need to make sure we all have enough food for the winter again.”

“That's, that's okay Alvin, it's just instincts. Its kinda sweet”

“But it doesn't make any sense!” he tossed his head back angrily, raising his voice slightly but not enough to wake anyone. “I know Dave is here to protect us and feed us but “ a few tears slipped out of his eyes and into his fur, he rubbed them away so Simon couldn't see.

“Hey, hey, whoa” simon awkwardly reached a hand out to alvin's shoulder, and before he could process what was happening alvin had flung himself into his arms, hugging his brother tightly and burying himself into his shoulder, hands curling into simons pajama shirt, then uncurling from the uncomfortable fabric, tucking his paws into his sleeves before hugging him again. Simon never had a problem with it, but Alvin could pick out his favorite hoodie blindfolded. “It's okay, it's alright, do you.. Want me to go get dave?”

Alvin shook his head violently, sniffing and trying to bite back his tears the best he could. He hated crying, it made him feel like a little kid when he constantly was attempting to be seen as the teen he is. His life constantly fluctuated from being smaller and weaker and more sensitive than the other kids at school, sometimes purely because he wasn't the same species, to being this adult others looked at with awe when he was touring or on stage or at interviews. He didn't know what he was allowed to be and what not. He hated the lights and noise of the stage but they were nothing compared to the fluorescents and just-almost-silence of the classroom.

“He wouldnt understand,” Alvin mumbled, whipping his own tears into his shoulder as Simon slowly attempted to hug back. He was never great with feelings or comforting, that was Theodore's department, but Theodore was asleep right now and as much as Simon hated to admit it Alvin was right. Dave wouldnt understand because Dave was both human and had never experienced food insecurity before. Simon racked his brain for ways to help, eventually pulling back and holding Alvin by the shoulders as he calmed down.

“I think I have an idea, but for now you need to try and get some rest, okay?” Alvin nodded at him, letting Simon drag him upstairs and into their bedroom as quietly as possible. Alvin shoved the food in his pockets under his bed with the rest of his stash, and Simon bit his tongue about complaining about ants. That was a mess for future simon to deal with, and right now he was too tired to think about it.

In the morning, simon helped Alvin clean out one of his bedside drawers, and they reached an agreement of being able to store packaged food in their for whenever he gets anxious, and had both instructed Theodore about the importance of leaving it alone.

“I-i know what you mean alvin” he had said sheepishly, kicking on his own sneakers as they got ready for school “when we were in the forest i never knew where our next meal would be, so when i had food i just ate it. I never really got out of that I guess” theodore struggled with his laces, anxiously pulling them until they were knotted, then unknotting them to try again.

“I'm surprised this hasn't come up before '' Simon brushed a small barbie doll comb through his hair as he spoke. “Considering we've been out of that particular living situation for some time now”

“Yeah, well” alvin spoke up, nervously scratching at that spot behind his ear he never could scratch enough “it's embarrassing”

“I don't think so at all” simon reassured, pulling his backpack off the chair and hopping out the door “come on, were gonna be late”

#alvin and the chipmunks #aatc #alvin seville #simon seville #no one say a goddamn thing alright everyone just get up and move on just move on okay #god made me have an alvin and the chipmunks hyperfixation and thats been my curse for months #i actually kinda wanna write more and its pissing me off #and i wanna write gay headcannons and nurodivergent headcannons #i wanna DRAW them???????#god im livid

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lesbianlotties · 3 years

Link

five times Deena and Sam met in secret (and one time they didn’t) - Final Chapter

Chapters: 6/6 Fandom: Fear Street Trilogy (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Fraser/Deena Johnson Characters: Deena Johnson, Samantha "Sam" Fraser (Fear Street) Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Canon, High School, Cheerleaders, Band, Teenagers, Teen Romance, First Meetings, First Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst Words: 14470

Secrets.

Deena and Sam met by accident. They fell in love in secret.

But how long can they last together like that?

Chapter 6: no more secrets:

There were dreams. Afterward. When everything was over. Almost every night, all the survivors of the latest, and hopefully last, Shadyside tragedy, were plagued by dreams. Very often, the dreams were nightmares. Deena can’t wake Sam up after drowning her. Josh waits for Deena at the mall and his sister never returns. Sam kills her girlfriend, again and again. Simon takes Ruby Lane’s razorblade and kills himself. Kate’s stab wound doesn’t heal, something worse comes for her. Ziggy refuses to help and her sister haunts her decisions. Martin arrives at the mall in the morning and finds his new friends all dead.

Nightmares. All of them. Terrible and cruel nightmares, but only dreams after all. It’s not easy to live with it, with all the trauma that this experience left them, but at least they get to live. It isn’t a comfortable title to carry, being a survivor. But, all things considered, they are all pretty fucking happy to be still alive.

However, it wasn’t just nightmares.

After killing Nick Goode and ending the curse, everyone went back home so exhausted that nobody had any dreams at all. But, on the second night, Deena was blessed by dreams that were far from being nightmares. Sarah Fier’s reward to her, she guessed. And those dreams, those gifts from the girl that wasn’t a witch and put her entire story in Deena’s hand, they were as common as the nightmares, thankfully. Those dreams were blissful, sweet, comfortable, and just confusing enough. In those dreams, Deena was back in Sarah Fier’s story, sharing a simple meal with her brother, running through a field with her dog, dancing with her friends, sometimes doing nothing but staring at the love of her life, Hannah Miller. Or was that Sam’s face? When Deena woke up, it was never clear who was who. But the feeling of peace and safety and love remained, and often lasted throughout the day.

One night in particular, Deena was having the sweetest dream. It must have been summer, the woods were alive and the sun was a clear blue color, the breeze was gentle and the soft red moss under her feet made her feel like she was running on top of clouds. There was nobody chasing her, no dangers, no threats. Only Hannah Miller, holding her hand, running beside her, smiling the entire time and calling her name…

Sarah.

Sarah…

“Deena!”

“What?!” Deena gasped, suddenly awake. Maybe her dreams weren’t always so bad, but the instinct to fight something evil at all times was sort of always there.

“Well, good morning,” Sam chuckled. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Deena sighed and fell back on her pillows. She covered her face with her hands and worked on slowing down her racing heart. “I’m okay, just…” she rubbed her eyes, and finally the image in front of her registered. “Sam? What are you doing here? What time is it?”

Sam’s grin only widened. She was sitting in Deena’s bed, dressed in some of her best clothes and looking a little too happy if such a thing was possible. “I was done a little early, so I decided to come help you get ready,” she said, “Wouldn’t want you to be late to your own graduation.”

“Right,” Deena smirked at her. She didn’t make any move to get up from her bed though, even less so considering now she had the perfect company.

Sam sent an unimpressed look her way and offered her a hand. “Come on, hurry up! Your dad’s making breakfast.”

“Wait, what?” Deena blurted out. That last sentence still sounded so wrong to her, even if it was true that she and Josh were seeing more and more of their father lately. “Hold on a minute,” Deena frowned at her girlfriend, “How did you get here? Did your…”

“My mom drove me,” Sam smiled, knowing exactly what was going through Deena’s mind.

The two girls couldn’t help but laugh at how absurd a little bit of happiness and normalcy felt after everything they had gone through. “This is messed up,” Deena chuckled.

“I know,” Sam agreed. “Don’t overthink it. Just… go get dressed so we can, you know, graduate.”

“I could… I guess I could do that,” Deena said slowly. She sat up in bed and moved closer to Sam. “Or… you know, we could do something else…” Deena whispered. She brushed Sam’s blonde hair off her shoulder and then simply rested her hand there. She didn’t miss the way Sam’s lips parted slightly, and the way those pretty blue eyes glanced at her lips.

“Deena…” Sam whispered her name in what probably was supposed to be a warning tone. But just as their lips brushed, she seemed to remember herself and she pulled back quickly. “Nope. No, no, no. I said I was going to help so you wouldn’t be late!”

“Come on!” Deena laughed and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. “We can be late together,” she added. She noticed Sam rolling her eyes at her, but she also knew exactly how to look and talk to her to get exactly what she wanted. “Just one kiss,” Deena whispered.

Inevitably, Sam leaned in. Perhaps she knew right from the start that this was a losing battle. Perhaps it had been her plan all along that both of them would arrive late to their graduation.

The two girls sat in the back of the car, while Deena’s father and brother were in the front. When they arrived at the school Deena’s father walked away quickly to find their seats, but Josh waited a moment longer beside the two girls.

“Hey, so, uh, congratulations, I guess,” he told them.

“Thanks, Josh,” Sam smiled brightly at him, delighted to receive one of his shy smiles in return.

Deena lightly hit his shoulder. “Just make sure to hurry up and get out of here soon too.”

Although her younger brother chuckled at her joke, Josh suddenly looked a little nervous too. “So, you guys… I mean, you don’t plan to, um, leave right away, do you?”

It was safe to say both girls were taken aback by his question. Deena exchanged a discreet look with her girlfriend and slowly replied. “No… We don’t have any concrete plans yet, I guess.” She paused, and studied the way Josh nodded, satisfied but still visibly uncomfortable. After being reassured by Sam’s hand in hers, Deena smiled and opted for lightening the mood. “What?” she asked him, “Are you saying you’ll miss me?”

“What? No!” Josh scoffed. The outraged look on his face nearly made Sam laugh affectionately at how similar the Johnson siblings could be. “Maybe I’d miss Sam a little, at least she can cook.”

“Hey! Shut up!” Deena shoved him with just a little more force this time. The three of them were laughing though. Sam actually threw her head back laughing.

“I’m just saying,” Josh raised his hands in defense, “There might be more evil stuff to fight in Shadyside, so…”

“Oh, that’d be so cool,” Sam said. Her blue eyes somehow managed to perfectly combine terror and curiosity.

“Hey, no, stop it, both of you,” Deena frowned, holding back her smile. “No more supernatural shit for any of us, okay? Josh go get your seat, we’ll be there in a minute.” She affectionately pushed her younger brother away, her heart warmed by the things he didn’t say out loud but she managed to hear loud and clear from his heart.

Afterward, Deena and Sam hesitated for one more moment outside the car.

“Are you ready?” Deena asked her girlfriend.

Sam replied with a perfect smile. For a second, she looked down, then she took Deena’s hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. “I’m ready,” she said at last.

Deena felt almost bashful as the two of them entered the school grounds hand in hand. There were frowns here and there, whispers in almost every corner, some surprised faces, and even the occasional smile. She’d dreamt of this moment pretty much since she first met Sam. Still, she reassured the blonde girl about a hundred times that they didn’t have to be public about their relationship at all. The only thing that mattered is that the two of them were together again. Seeing Sam fight against her possession using just the strength of her love for her, well, that helped Deena pretty much get over all her insecurities over their relationship. Still, Sam had made the choice to move in with her father, return to Shadyside, graduate in the old high school, return to the place she belonged to, and to the people she belonged with. However, seeing Sam walk the busy hallways with her head held high and her proud smile unwavering, Deena realized that this wasn’t just about her, or them as a couple, it was also about Sam. Sam coming to terms with every part of herself, being proud of herself and her heart, because it was her love one of the reasons that saved her life, Deena’s life, and maybe the entire town.

Their cinematic moment of pride and bliss was abruptly interrupted by a head of messy blonde hair appearing between them and a pair of arms falling around them.

“My girls!” Simon exclaimed, hugging them tightly. “You’re late, ladies! I missed you!”

Deena shrugged his arm off her, but Simon only took that as an opportunity to wrap his arms around Sam’s waist and lift her up in a strong hug as he grunted happily.

“Hi!” Sam laughed openly and ruffled his already wild hair as he gently sent her back down on the floor. Neither of them could’ve looked happier if they tried.

“Now, Deena…” Simon smirked and extended his arms while his friend took a careful step back.

“Simon, don’t you fucking dare,” Deena warned him, “I’ll kick in the balls, I swear…”

While the two friends handled that sweet combination of an embrace and a fight, Kate showed up beside Sam.

“Looks like Shadyside’s hottest couple finally decided to join us,” she smirked, sharing a hug with Sam. “I’m not even going to ask why you guys are late. Because at least Sam looks gorgeous, and Deena… you’re here.” She playfully raised her eyebrows.

“Nice,” Deena rolled her eyes. She was fixing her clothes and in between lightly pushing Simon away from her, as he continued to laugh.

“You guys almost missed my valedictorian speech!” Kate complained.

“Yeah, and it’s going to be awesome,” Simon jumped in, “I’ll put on my witch costume one last time and perform a musical number in the middle of it.”

His words were cut short when Kate tugged on the neck of his shirt to pull him down so she could look him in the eyes and say, “I would literally kill you on stage.” But it was undeniable that both of them were smiling the entire time. The four of them started walking together, with a brief pause for Kate to check on Sam’s makeup and the girls to convince Simon to tie his shoes for once.

Then there was the final ceremony. Kate’s speech was a success, Simon wasn’t completely joking about making one last appearance as the school’s mascot, and Sam was sitting right beside Deena the entire time. Deena, halfway through, realized she couldn’t stop smiling. It felt strange, and upon realizing it, she tried to fight against it, on instinct. But quickly realized there was no reason to fight it. Wherever she looked there was a good reason to smile. Her girlfriend was sitting beside her, sending lovely looks her way every couple of minutes. Her best friends were close by, alive and on their well-earned roads to a better life. Somewhere behind them was Josh, just like his sister, trying and failing to suppress a smile at the joyful occasion. Her father appeared to be sober for a day at least, and Sam’s father was there, awkwardly supportive if only to be better than his ex-wife, it all counted. Deena had affectionately rolled her eyes when Josh informed her that even Martin and Ziggy had made it to the ceremony as spectators, not wanting to miss a chance to celebrate a win for Shadyside, and their young friends. Even the rest of her school, her peers, people that were merely acquaintances, Deena found herself happy for them too. The curse was over. These people were safe from possessed killers. They were free to improve their lives and their town and be free. So, Deena didn’t care if some people were surprised to see that peaceful smile glued on her face the entire day. She had countless reasons to be happy, and she planned to cherish every single one of them.

When it was all over, the crowd exploded in cheers. It was official. They were Shadyside graduates. They were free. They could go anywhere, be anyone, do anything they wanted to. Some people would run away from the town as soon as possible, and some of them would stay and put in the work to change the town. Some others were content to take their time to figure out what would come next. Taking life slowly and living their days one at a time was something especially valuable to kids that only narrowly avoided death just a few months ago.

While their peers cheered and celebrated around them, Deena and Sam threw their arms around each other and held on tightly. Even under the thunderous noise of the crowd, Deena distinctly heard Sam’s sweet voice whisper against her ear, “Can I kiss you?”

Deena tightened her arms around her girlfriend for a moment before happily chuckling out, “Of course!”

A moment later, Sam’s lips were on her.

It was perfect. It was joyful. It was everything they had been waiting for. They were right there in the middle of the crowd, and neither of them could’ve cared less. The rest of the world didn’t matter, it didn’t even exist. Deena felt invincible, but she also felt unburdened from the weight she’d grown accustomed to always carrying on her shoulders. She felt love. Sam sighed into the kiss, tasting freedom, love, and the relief of letting go of a lifetime of holding back, now it was time for her to get to enjoy her life, and she knew she had earned it.

They were only forced to pull away when they heard an amused, “Get a room!” Kate was standing beside them, profusely rolling her eyes.

“Ready for tonight?” Simon proceeded to slap Deena’s back and earn a roll of her eyes.

“Full moon, witchy, drugs of the land, bonfire party, you know?” Kate added with a wicked smile.

Deena thought that she was almost getting tired of fondly rolling her eyes at her friends, but she didn’t mind it that much. “We’ll be there,” she said, taking Sam’s hand.

There were several graduation parties going around in Shadyside and Sunnyvale. A bonfire in the middle of the woods, close to a rock engraved with the words “Sarah Fier the first Shadysider,” wasn’t exactly the most popular spot, but that made it even better. In a town of outsiders, these were the worst, meaning the best, of them. The greatest thing about Shadyside was that even the strangest of their kids came from unexpected corners and fit in together surprisingly well. The perfect example was the group formed by the valedictorian and cheerleader captain, the school’s mascot and Grab n’ Bag employee of the month, Shadyside’s moodiest teenager and possible Sarah Fier’s reincarnation, and the previously possessed and recovering Sunnyvaler. In some ways, they couldn’t be more different from each other. But, if they had been best friends before, now they were something even stronger. It was the reward for fighting a three hundred years old curse together and making it out alive. They were free to dance, laugh, sing, and be as happy as possible, surrounded by friends all around a bonfire.

Deena took her time, as she promised herself, to appreciate the glory of celebrating among friends. However, after an entire day of Sam passionately proving time and time again that she was beyond ready to openly embrace who they really were, Deena was craving a moment of privacy with her girlfriend. There was no doubt that half of Shadyside at least was now aware of their relationship. It was a small town after all. Deena would be lying if she said she was a hundred percent comfortable with it, something she once confessed to Sam. But after practically facing the devil and coming out winners, there was little they were afraid of, especially as long as they were together.

So, when enough dancing and laughing with their friends was done, Deena took Sam’s hand in hers and led her away from the group as discreetly as possible. The music followed them, as well as the light from the bonfire that, in addition to the full moon shining above them, lit a path for them. It was almost a dance, moving around the woods together. Holding on to each other’s hands until it was only their fingertips brushing, rounding a tree, and coming back together in an embrace. They were all giddy laughs, secret touches, and wide smiles.

Eventually, Deena rested her back against a familiar rock. She was out of breath, and her smile was taking over her face. Sam had been following her closely behind. When she was just one step away from Deena, she stumbled a little, and Deena had to reach out to hold her so she wouldn’t fall facedown on the red moss covering the ground under their feet.

“Are you okay?” Deena asked, equal parts concerned and amused.

“Yeah, sorry,” Sam replied. She blew a strand of hair off her face and straightened her posture. When she looked at Deena though, she burst out laughing, and hid her face in the crook of Deena’s neck.

Deena was happy to hold her girlfriend, but she tried to pull away enough to look at Sam’s face. “Sam…” she said, “Sam, did you take any of the shit Kate sells?”

“What?!” Sam exclaimed, just loud and high-pitched enough to expose herself. “No!” she insisted. She pulled back from Deena and attempted a serious expression while pushing her hair behind her ear. A second later she was back into a fit of giggles.

“Oh my God,” Deena looked away, biting her lip to keep herself from smiling too big. She was feeling a little dazed too.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Sam shook her head and took a deep breath. When she received an incredulous look from her girlfriend, she insisted, “Really!” She lightly pushed Deena’s shoulder. But all she earned was Deena’s hand on her waist pulling her closer. Not that she was complaining.

Sam placed her hands on Deena’s cheeks, and pulled her in for a kiss. She got easily distracted, and moved to place kisses along Deena’s jaw and down her neck. Deena’s curls tickled her face and the feeling once again made her laugh softly.

“Well, I’m glad you’re having fun there,” Deena teased her.

Sam was nearly resting all her weight against Deena. But she was trying to compose herself enough for a conversation. She pulled back and this time looked just a little more serious as she asked, “Are you happy?”

The question took Deena by surprise. The earnest quality of Sam’s blue eyes let her know it was a real question, and her girlfriend expected an answer. “I am, yes,” Deena nodded, “Happier than I thought possible, really.”

“Hm, good,” Sam mumbled, leaning in closer to brush her nose against Deena. “Me too.” Then they simply rested their forehead together, basking in the blissful moment together. After a short while, Sam spoke up again. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Deena opened her eyes, confused.

Sam leaned back to stare at her. She licked her lips nervously and explained. “I’ve just been thinking… I realized I never apologized,” she said, “You know, for everything.” It was slightly unclear what everything meant anymore. Deena had a feeling that stabbing her while possessed and their breakup were the two prominent things on Sam’s mind.

“Hey, you have nothing to apologize for,” Deena replied softly. She moved a hand to Sam’s face, and caressed her cheek with the pad of her thumb. She waited until Sam smiled at her again to add, “And, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. For the other half of ‘everything’, you know?” Having to kill Sam even if it was to save her life and still, their breakup, were the main things on Deena’s mind.

As if they could read each other’s thoughts, they understood at once. Just as they forgave each other instantly. They didn’t necessarily forget, because if this experience taught them anything, it was the value and wisdom and peace that’s found in the past. But there was nothing they could use against each other. The only thing left after their extraordinary experience was gratitude and a love big enough to fill centuries.

“I love you,” Sam said, staring deeply into perfect brown eyes.

“I love you too,” Deena replied with that easy smile of hers, waiting for the moment Sam would pull her face in for a kiss.

Afterward, all they had to worry about was coming up for air in between their kisses. Their hands were leisurely exploring each other’s bodies, and their kisses were reverent and unhurried, as they focused on nothing but enjoying each other’s company and love.

At one point, they thought they heard a rustle of leaves from somewhere behind them. Sam pulled back from the kiss with a small frown on her face, “Did you hear-”

“No, I didn’t,” Deena quickly replied with a chuckle. Then she dove back into a kiss, stealing Sam’s sweet laugh right off her lips. There was no reason to worry. It could be the actual Devil, it could be Sarah Fier and Hannah Miller themselves, it could be just the summer breeze. Nothing would break them apart ever again.

#the end ✨✨✨#i'm going to miss this so much 😭❤#fear street #deena x sam #sameena #sam x deena #fear street fanfic #fear street fanfiction #deena and sam #sam and deena #deena johnson #sam fraser #samantha fraser #my fic

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nahimjustfeelingit-writes · 4 years

Text

Imagine:

The Reader and Erik having pillow talk and she asked him “Which one of your scars hurt the most?”

They were never going to get out of bed at this rate. Tangled in the sheets, Y/N and Erik were staring into each other’s eyes and listening to each other’s breathing. Erik was enamored by her striking beauty. The girl from Atlanta that he met through baggage claim only four months prior. This was the time they also got to know each other more. He learned how much she loved cats and that she couldn’t bring herself to adopting a new one after her cat passed away. She used to be a gymnast but quit at the age of 17 because of a broken ankle which ruined her chances of going to the Olympics. Her mother is of Creole heritage and supposedly they were descendants of Marie Laveau. Her favorite color is emerald green. She graduated with a degree in History and now she’s an Archivist. Her father was a drunk and a sexual abuser to her mother and she was glad he died from cirrhosis of the liver. She has a strawberry birthmark on her left buttocks. She’s fluent in French and Spanish. So much more amazing facts about her.

Erik told her of his life in Oakland and how he was passed around from foster care to foster care. Detention Centers, Juvie, almost in jail, Naval Academy, Military, MIT for grad school. Fluent in French, Spanish, German, Xhosa, and a lot more. He had a love for cooking, reading, anime, and rain. Very skilled in combat knowing three different fighting styles such as Dambe of Africa, Krav Maga that he learned while military training, and Jiu-Jitsu. He hated politics. Erik was very careful at the beginning with telling Y/N about himself but the closer they became the more she wondered about why he always traveled and what his scars meant. She didn’t know that Erik was a deadly assassin wanted in a few countries like Russia and Iran. So many passports and different currencies. It’s like he had to sleep with his eyes open.

Now, her pure hazel eyes were on his scar covered chest. A savage next to an angel. Y/N reaches out with her buttery soft hand to lightly touch his scars. The feeling tickled him in a delicious way causing Erik to close his eyes and bite his lip. She giggles, Erik, grabbing that same hand to plant a soft kiss to her skin before placing it back on his chest. Her taste lingered on his plush lips and he couldn’t help himself when he licked them.

“Can I ask you something?” She looked up into his onyx eyes, “it’s okay if you don’t want me to.”

“But I want you to,” he spoke with his alluring raspy voice, “I love it when you wanna know more about me, Princess.”

She sat up on her elbows causing her braided hair to fall over her shoulder, “okay,” she allowed her pretty eyes to travel the placement of his scarring, “I wanna know which scar hurt the most.”

“...You really wanna know that?” Erik looked away from her, grabbing her hand again, “I don’t know if you understand what you’re asking me, baby girl.”

“Erik,” her voice alone made him look up into her soft eyes, “I know what I’m asking. And I want to know more about the man that I’m sleeping with and falling in love with...”

She was so precious. There were multiple scars on his body that hurt like hell when he did them. But if he had to choose one...

“Here,” Erik grabs Y/N’s fingers, bringing them around his side to press along his rib cage. There, something she hadn’t noticed before, was a keloid scar that didn’t heal like the rest of the scars. It was oddly shaped and when she pressed into it a little more Erik flinched. He could still feel that one. Y/N drew her hand back quickly causing Erik to wrap his arms around her.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to scare you like that-“

“It still hurts.” She couldn’t understand why she was crying about it.

Yeah, that one wasn’t intentional...it wasn’t methodical like the rest. It was as if he carried the pain of the person he killed with him. Now, Erik was experiencing nostalgia. His memories of that slaying hit him tremendously. He swallowed an angry grunt and squeezed Y/N tighter. Her warm cheek rested against his chest and her knuckles stroked his abdomen making the hairs rise on the back of his neck.

“Erik?” She looked upward, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” He strokes her hair back before grabbing her braid lightly, “You’re not a sorry person and this shit is my mess, not yours.”

“You’re mines so,” She presses her nose against his skin, “Your mess is my mess now, babe.”

“Why didn’t I find you years ago?” She was perfect for him. The calm to his hurricane.

“I wish I knew you before. Even when looking at these scars I still see the same amazing man I know now. I know you feel like trash but I see different.”

Just hearing her say those words made him want to flip her on her back and make sweet love to her. Every stroke inside her delicate and celestial body felt like a part of her was intertwined with him. He was a better man now because of Y/N.

“I killed a childhood friend of mines.”

Y/N continued stroking his abdomen without interrupting Erik. She let him talk.

“It was...the whole situation was fucked up honestly,” Erik felt his lip tremble a little so he twisted his lips to control it, “He tried to get me set up. For some money. 10,000 dollars to get me set up and killed because some motherfuckers wanted me dead back in Oakland. They hated seeing me with a college degree instead of on the streets.”

He paused to gather himself because now he was picturing his friend's lifeless bloody body.

“I was no saint, I have the scars to prove it but I was trying to change, you know? Anyway...I came back to Oakland to reunite with my second family. They took me in, fed me, clothed me, and made sure I was in school even though both of us were out there running with the wrong crowd. I wanted to properly tell them how much I appreciate everything they did for me even when I didn’t seem like I cared, you know?”

Y/N nods her head slowly to let Erik know she was hanging onto every word he said.

“So, my childhood friend asked me to meet him at Fat Burger on N Vasco Rd like we used to do before we hit the liquor store and bought up some weed. Burgers, drinks, and weed...that was our shit. I pull up and usually, it’s hella niggas out there and some shorties too. Nah. This night it was blank and cold out there. Luckily I brought my Glock with me...”

Erik looked down at Y/N to check in on her and when he did their eyes met. She looked so innocent like a child being told a bedtime story.

“Go on, I’m listening,” she spoke with a whisper.

Erik swallows spit, “The minute I grabbed my gun I see a big ass white H2 Hummer 2008 pull up, about four niggas with silver 9mm pistols hop out. Y/N, I could feel my whole world tumbling before me like a fucking earthquake touched down in San Fran. That’s when I knew that this nigga set me up. After everything, he set me up to get killed in a fucking Fat Burger parking lot by four punk ass niggas who couldn’t even hold a gun. Shit was fucked up.”

Her warm hand pressed down on the center of Erik’s chest to help him ease his shaky breaths. Erik’s hands came down to fist the sheets, veins in his arms and shoulders surfacing as he replayed that night in his head. He had just turned 32. All the Wakanda shit happened and he felt renewed.

“I held my own and killed all four of them. My friend didn’t know how skilled I was. You need a whole army for me and that’s even if you get me. After I dropped them motherfuckers I checked out the car and saw duffle bags and shit to break into somebody's place. And I bought a new house. After seeing that I saw red. Not just the blood but...I was so hurt and I just wanted to kill him.”

Erik glares at the ceiling, “I pulled up on my friend, he was home smoking weed with the neighborhood hoe in the back sleeping that he made his main bitch. I dressed in all black and I used the tip of my gun to knock on that door.”

Tap. Tap. Tap.

“He opened it high as a kite and I wanted him to see the hurt in my eyes before I pulled that ski mask down to finish him off. I didn’t want to talk, I wanted him dead just like them other niggas. He looked from my gun to my face and then he closed his eyes. Shorty in the back came out wrapping a robe around her body and he stopped her. She ran back into the room and slammed and locked the door.”

So...this how it is, E?

“Shut the fuck up you grimy motherfucker,” Erik could see himself pointing the gun at his friend's face as tears streamed his eyes.

“Why? Why Aaron? You’re own brother?”

Listen, niggas kept hounding me. Saying they were gonna kill me and Simone. You know Simone got a baby on the way so I did what I had to do.

Erik saw they’re text conversations between them. He knew it was calculated but he wanted his friend to say his part. And the nigga was lying dead in his face. He was about to be on his face in a minute.

“Save it, nigga,” Erik saw his hand roughly shove him inside his home, pulling his ski mask down further and slamming the door shut.

“Get the fuck off the floor and sit your ass down in that chair so I can see you, nigga.”

Aaron got up and carefully sat down. Still the same old Aaron. Just now he was betraying his friends.

“You know what’s about to happen, right?”

E, man, listen, I had to man, it’s me, E, it’s A-Ron, we boys, we go way back, man, we’re brothers-

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

What about Simone? She-she knows how you look man she’ll call up her peoples, E, don’t do this-

“Simone ain’t stupid,” Erik laughed darkly, “She knows if she talks I’m killing that bitch too. I bet both of y’all tried to set me up. You and that loose pussy bitch.” He saw his spit flying out and connecting to his hand and the Glock.

Aaron’s silence confirmed it. It was him and Simone. Shit, now she had to die too.

E!!! No...E, please man, don’t do it man, fuck, It wasn’t all her E!!!! Don’t do her like that, please-

Now that Erik thought about it, one of them niggas who tried to kill him was her brother.

“I thought I told you to stop whining like a punk bitch and take this shit like a man? You a real motherfucking gangsta, right? Planning to kill your own family for some money? Nigga, I wanna see your brains on the floor.”

Simone came running out with a gun of her own. Bitch wasn’t 6 months pregnant. Hoe ass still slim. He was gonna kill her for aiming a gun at his head. She didn’t deserve a scar on his body.

Simone, go back in the room!

She didn’t listen and actually fired a shot at Erik that would have got him in the shoulder if he wasn’t so swift. He came at that bitch with two rounds to her chest. She fell back with a heavy thud.

NO!

Erik could see Aaron snarl like a pit bull. He let out an ugly cry and shot up to grab his gun. Erik peeped that he had it hiding beside his couch.

“You forget who you fucking wit, Aaron?”

Little Erik from way back when. Little Erik that thought he was too good to look out for his family back in Oakland. The family that took you in. Nigga, if I didn’t organize the kill some other niggas would have. Won’t be surprised if some of them driving by your gated community ready to set it off-

“It’s Killmonger.” Erik could feel his blood boiling.

Aaron laughs.

Who?

He hastily aims for Erik but he was fucking with Killmonger. A skilled assassin wanted in two countries.

Pow. Pow.

Aaron’s brains were on the floor...

“Erik?”

He could hear her voice bringing him out of his trance. Erik blinked and now he was back in bed, naked with Y/N. She was sitting up now, bare chest moving rapidly with every deep breath and tears in her eyes. Did Erik just tell her all of that? Flashes happened before his eyes and he could see himself in a cold motel bathroom pacing with rage. He could hear himself screaming at his reflection in the mirror before beating the side of his head. Erik saw his past self punch the mirror into tiny pieces. Erik saw his hand pick up a long shard of glass that fell in the dirty sink. His shirt coming up rest under his chin as tears pricked his eyes making it harder for him to see. That glass broke the surface on his rib cage and his hand shook. He could see himself placing a zig-zag scar into his skin. The glass shard cut into his palm. He was doing so well. Now, he had to leave Oakland behind again.

“Shit, baby,” Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck, cradling his head. His hot tears dropped to her breasts and down her belly. Startling her Erik pulls Y/N on his lap bringing his large arms around her. He wept and she did with him.

“I opened that wound back up, shit, this is my fault,” she felt stupid for asking him that now.

“No,” Erik looked up at her with his wet lashes, tear-stained cheeks, and red nose, “I needed that. I need to just,” he breathed in and out, “let the shit go. It was still haunting me.”

“I didn’t want it to get this heavy,” she wiped her face, “Just keep holding me so that I know you're alright.”

Erik gripped her naked waist and rest his head between her breasts. Her smell, warmth, voice, the taste of her tears on his upper lip, she was...so...good. He groaned when he felt his dick plumping up between his legs.

“It’s okay,” She felt it too, “I got you, baby.”

Y/N cupped the back of his head gently, “here,” she brought his mouth to her left nipple, “it’s okay...”

Erik sucked on her nipples softly. His saliva mixed with his tears covered her perky breasts. She rubbed circles with her thumb into the skin on the back of his neck.

“Mm,” she moaned gingerly, “You want more?”

Her hand came down between them to rub along his dick. She picked his weight up and slapped her pussy with it. He could hear the gushy sounds. Erik popped his mouth off her nipple to look into her light brown eyes. She didn’t say a word as she gripped his shoulder with one hand, opened her legs, and picked up his dick with her other hand to sink down on him. His forehead fell forward with defeat. Y/N pulled Erik’s arms around her waist again and with slow smooth strokes, she fucked him.

“You need this, baby,” she kissed his eyebrow, “just feel me, okay?”

Her pussy slushed and oozed around him. Damn, she was giving him what he craved to fix the ache. Fucking the pain out of him like her pussy was made of angel dust. Erik rests his head on her shoulder and allowed his senses to kick in. He could smell her and feel her pulling on his dick. He could feel his balls tightening and his dick swelling. He was going to cum prematurely. Erik grabs Y/N’s waist, bouncing her on him. Her sweet moans and begs for him to fuck her good drove Erik insane. He laid his body flat, pulling her down with him. He raised his hips from the bed and pumped into her pussy. She could hear herself splashing on him.

“Yes, Erik, yes, take my pussy,” she placed soothing kisses on his neck, “Do it, baby, that’s it, make you feel all better, yeah?”

“YES.” He spoke with a grunt.

She bit into his shoulder.

“Baby, you’re making me cum. Faster, yes, don’t be shy, daddy, fuck me faster.”

She was his undoing. Erik grabs her ass to keep her still while he fucked her into a frenzy. She connected with his eyes and Erik didn’t blink away. Not even when he started to cum. A vein formed in the middle of his forehead from how hard he came inside of her. She bit down on her lip, squeezing him purposely to empty him fully.

“Oh, God, Erik.”

“I love you.” He whispered before his eyes closed.

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @chefjessypooh@chaneajoyyy@pananegra@theblulife @becincere @blaqwidow91 @fish-outta-watah@moonlight-night-sky @eyeknowmywrites @crowngold@njadakillthiscookie@blktinkerbell@luvanxi @sheisexcellent1@chocolatedippedinhoney@brandithecrystalgem@dababydababydababydababy@soulfulbeauty19@btitannaaa@sunkissedebony97 @youngblackndgifted@harleycativy @rbhp@thee-germanpeach @thadelightfulone@bugngiz@palmstreesallday@skylahb @bakaris-shorty @nizzle-mo @truglori @queenflaws @ljstraightnochaser @nickidub718 @vikkidc @thehomierobbstark

#nahimjustfeelingit writes #killmonger smut #killmonger fic #erik killmonger #killmonger imagine #killmonger x reader

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kunderdogs · 4 years

Text

Take A Chance VI

Simon Dominic (AOMG) x Y/N (Reader) Genre: Romance / Angst Count: 2.9k Warnings: Language (maybe) Rating: Mature (suggestive, swearing) Summary: Who would’ve thought a one night stand with Simon D would turn into FWB? It only gets more complicated when you developed feelings, against your better judgement.

I won’t be able to access a computer tomorrow, so I’m dropping this at midnight on Wed! Sorry guys, I’d rather it be early than late ;0

Don’t hate me for ending it where I did. :)

With a shaky sigh, you hung up.

Your entire body was tense, coiled tightly in anger. How dare he..?

How dare Kiseok show up to your house at midnight? How dare he have the audacity to ask you to open the door for him? After the restaurant situation...

You watched your phone ring in your hand, feeling the rage deflate faster than you thought possible.

He owed you nothing. You had no claim on Kiseok so he was free to go on dates with whoever he wanted to. You had no right to be upset with him because of it either. Feeling the familiar sting of tears, you watched the phone ring for a third time. There was a faint knocking on the door that told you he was still outside.

If you picked up right now, there was no doubt in your mind that you would give into him.

So, you really hated yourself when you pressed that green button.

“What?” You deadpanned, eyes glaring at the paused TV.

“Can you let me in? I want to see you.” His speech was a little slurred and slowed.

Eyebrows frowning, you stood up but made no move to the door. “Have you been drinking?”

A soft sigh was your answer before he knocked again. “You’ll find out that answer if you open the door...”

Before you could stop yourself, you finally went towards the door, “Jung Kiseok, did you fucking drink and drive all the way over here?! Do you know how dangerous that is? You could’ve killed yourself, or someo-”

Unlatching all the locks, you swung the door open and had to take a step back, otherwise Simon would’ve smashed right into you. The strong odor of soju and his favorite beer assaulted your nose before you finally took a look at him. He had on a black hoodie, which reeked of soju as well as was damp from the rain outside. His grey sweats were a little wet as he sat down at the door and kicked off his Jordan’s.

You stood out of the way and shut the door, replacing all the locks once again. Glancing back at Kiseok, he was now standing on unsteady feet, making his way towards your couch before plopping on it like he had done so many times before this.

He had gotten a fresh haircut since you last saw him. It was a bit shorter than last week, yet still stuck to his forehead in a way that was wholly too attractive. The anger and frustration of earlier was disappearing quickly and you didn’t like how easy it was for him to weasel his way into your heart again.

He groaned in discomfort, arm falling over his eyes. “Why do you have so many lights on?”

You chose to ignore that you only had the hallway light on and turned it off, “Why are you here?” The only source of light now came from the paused comedy show on the TV.

“I can’t want to see you?”

You didn’t like that he was answering your question with one of his own and folded your arms to show it. You stood at the foot of the couch, frowning deep. “Don’t you want to go to your little girlfriend’s place at this hour?”

Even drunk, Kiseok noticed how your tone changed. “Little girlfriend? You mean Nayoung?”

Your scoff was louder than you intended, “Whatever the hell her name is.”

Removing his arm from his face, he sat up a little unsteady and stared at you blankly. You met his stare head on and clapped yourself mentally on the back when you didn’t so much as blink. “What’s with the attitude?” He questioned after a long minute.

Swallowing your anger for a moment, you looked off to the side. For someone who dated many women, he was really clueless when it came to a woman’s emotions. “I don’t have an attitude.”

He blinked as if he didn’t believe that at all, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Is that why you blocked me?”

Manicured nails dug into your sweater. “Is what why?”

“Stop avoiding the question, ___.”

“I’m not.”

He stood on wobbly feet, his glassy eyes missing how your hands darted out to steady him in fear of him falling, and pulled out his phone from his pocket. With much difficulty, he manged to unlock the phone and shove it in your face. “See? I tried calling you, like, two million times. It goes right to your voicemail. Yet when I call from this phone,” He whipped out the sleek black phone in his other hand. “You answered that?”

Maneuvering him back to sit on the couch, you sat next to him and batted the phones from your face. “Whose phone is this?”

Kiseok clumsily put the new phone back in his pocket as he pouted slightly, “Mine.”

Your curious eyes scanned him up and down, “Since when do you have two phones?”

Seeing him distracted with trying to come up with an answer, you snatched his phone from his hand and saw all the phone calls he’s made to you over the last few days. Starting from Wednesday around 2AM.

Angel Face (8) - Outgoing Call: WED. 2:13AM ... Angel Face (17) - Outgoing Call: WED. 4:52AM ... Angel Face (39) - Outgoing Call: THUS. 1:07AM ... Angel Face (23) - Outgoing Call: THUS. 3:26AM ... Angel Face (32) - Outgoing Call: FRI. 9:49PM

“I figured you’d answer if it wasn’t my number. It was on sale so...”

You locked the phone and sighed. He bought a whole other phone just to call you. You didn’t miss what name he had for your contact either. He had called you Angel Face as a cute nickname and you thought it was so cringe that he felt the need to call you it all the time. It would be sweet if you weren’t still hurt from him dismissing you like you were some infectious disease. His eyes were looking for something in your face but you tossed his phone on his lap and stood.

“I thought you’d get the hint, but I guess not.”

The way Kiseok leaned back in the couch, arms coming to rest on the top of it almost had you crawling onto his lap. But you held your ground. He wasn’t going to get to you that easily.

You continued, ignoring how he smirked when he saw your eyes wandering over his physique, “We’re nothing but acquaintances so why are you calling me so many times? If you’re here to fuck, you can go run off to your girl’s house ‘cause you’re not going to find it here.”

His head tilted and you had half a mind to smack him when a scoff left his lips. “Was what I said wrong? Would you have rather me say we were fuck buddies? Lovers? Booty calls? Take your pick.”

Finally, you felt that white hot sensation creep into your veins once again. Kiseok was the only person who could get you to change moods at an alarming pace. His control over you only amplified your frustration with the rapper. “Is that what this is to you? Just a booty call?”

He let out a humorless chuckle and you had to remind yourself now was not the time to have this conversation. You weren’t even sure how much he drank, but you’ve never seen him as drunk as he was right now. “Don’t act like this was something more for you when it clearly wasn’t.”

It was true that you had never made your feelings very obvious but if he had taken the time to actually read in between the lines, he might have figured it out before all this mess. You felt a little regret that you didn’t expose your feelings beforehand but you didn’t think he’d go out and find himself a girlfriend. You couldn’t stop the sharp tears that built up in the back of your eyes before taking a shaky breath.

“I’m not going to go back and forth with you anymore. You’ve made your decision, fine. Give me your keys. You can sleep here tonight.” Without giving him much warning, you dug into his pockets and grabbed his keys before he could take them back. “Stop drinking and driving. That’s just careless.”

You turned on your heel and were about to retreat into your room to cry yourself to sleep, when a large hand wrapped around your wrist. Gently, Kiseok tugged you to stand in front of him again. “Why am I blocked?”

You tugged your wrist weakly. “Because...You can’t just do what you do then get a girlfriend without telling me.”

He clicked his tongue, grip letting go of you. “What does this have to do with Nayoung? That was just dinner, ___, you know I’m not tied down to anyone.”

You sighed heavily before continuing on to your room, “Yeah, maybe that’s the problem.”

Before he could say or do anything, you shut the door behind you.

It took a few tears and a few reruns of old sitcoms for you to finally shut your eyes for the night. Even then, it was a restless sleep and you woke twice to toss and turn.

Just having Kiseok so close but still out of your reach was enough to distress you, even when you were unconscious.

Finally, around five am, you couldn’t take it anymore and got dressed. You took your time, hoping in the back of your mind that he would be up and sitting on the couch waiting for you.

As you quietly stepped into the living room, all hope that you could talk with him flew out the window.

Kiseok was wrapped in the throw blanket you kept on the couch, softly snoring into one of the decorative pillows. You took a step closer, placing his keys on the coffee table and clearly in his view. Hopefully he had slept off most of the alcohol and would be fine to drive. You were still upset that he would be stupid enough to even drive here in the first place, considering how far his apartment was from yours.

Due to his height, he curled into the couch in such an adorable position. You felt your lips pull into a smile at the sight before you looked away.

Deep down, you knew you should stay and wait until he was up to talk with him but you couldn’t shake the feeling that he would reject you.

He would use the excuse that he was too busy...

He has too many things to juggle at once right now...

A relationship would complicate everything.

He wouldn’t be able to focus on you anyway.

All things that were true.

But, you had excuses of your own.

You wanted to live a normal life. Having a celebrity boyfriend is anything but normal, plus you didn’t want to be in the spotlight if you could help it.

And you had a daughter. You didn’t want to bring her around someone who wasn’t in for the long haul and unfortunately, it looked as if Kiseok wasn’t the man to stick around.

Feeling the familiar sting of tears in the back of your eyes, you decided now would be a good time to leave. Before he woke and saw you like this.

If there was one thing you hated, it was crying in front of people. Especially someone you cared about deeply. With a shaking sigh, you grabbed your purse and went straight out the door.

Hours later, a faint ring finally stirred Kiseok from his deep slumber. There was a quiet lull in the house that pulled him back to sleep for a second before the vibrations of his phone rouse him once again.

Groaning, he fished in his pockets for the offending device, and blindly answered. “Hello?” Unfortunately, the buzzing still continued and he was forced to open his eyes to see he had the wrong phone.

Finally getting the right one the second time around, the call ended. With a frown, a large hand rubbed his eyes before taking in all the notifications that popped up.

Twenty missed calls from Jay with almost double the texts from him. Hoddy called a few times and a few from Loco as well. What the hell...

Oh.

Didn’t they have a company dinner last night?

What the hell happened?

He couldn’t think too much on it because Jay called back. He answered immediately. “Jay?”

“Bro, where the hell are you?! You can’t just disappear on us like that!” In the background, he could hear Loco saying thank god they finally got a hold of him.

“What...What even happened last night?” He asked, sitting up on the couch and instantly clutching his spinning head.

There was shuffling on the other line before Jay huffed, “You got wasted and were talking about some chick before you stormed out of the restaurant. Do you not remember?”

Pieces of last night were coming back to him slowly as Jay continued to lecture him about being reckless. His label mates had convinced him to take the night off to go eat with them. He felt bad for making them worry the last week, especially since he could see the concern in their eyes over the past couple of days. They could tell he wasn’t himself and to pacify them, he agreed to go out to dinner with them all.

Usually he could handle his alcohol pretty well. He hadn’t drank that much in a long time and obviously they hadn’t been able to cut him off after the fifth bottle. He groaned, remembering how plastered he was as he was ranting to them about his feelings for ___, who they had never once met or known about until that very moment. Through the course of the night, he had gotten progressively drunker and when Loco had taken his phone when he tried to call you, he remembered getting pissed and snatched it back, storming out of the place and straight to his car.

And he ended up right at your door, knocking and calling until you opened it for him.

You, in your comfy sweater, hair messy and out of your face, with no make up on and eating Chinese take-out. He had thought he was looking at an angel.

That was when he realized he was in far too deep.

He could remember going back and forth with you and groaned again. Kiseok hated to upset you and was thankful that was the first time you two had argued.

He was careful not to drink too much in front of you because he knew how loose his tongue could get but that was definitely down the drain now.

“Where are you? Who even is ___? You’ve never spoken of a girl to any of us, are you seeing her? I coulda sworn you went to dinner with that Nayoung chick though...”

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath when he finally looked around and noticed just whose apartment he was at. “I’m good, though. I crashed at...a friend’s.”

“You’re lucky you didn’t get hurt or hurt someone, as drunk as you were last night...Do you need me to come get you? I can have someone drive the car back-”

“No, no,” he denied quickly, snatching his keys and pocketing them. “I’m pretty fucking sober now.”

“Alright. Drive home safe then. Let me know when you get home.” The younger grumbled a bit more before he finally cut the call.

Standing up, Kiseok had to steady himself, bending slightly to not fall over with how fast his head was spinning. It felt like it would split wide open at this point. Thankfully, it was so quiet in the apartment that he could only really hear his own breathing.

Once he was gathered enough, he took a few hesitant steps towards the hallway, peaking into the open bathroom.

“___?” He called into the quietness of the hall.

When there wasn’t any answer, he went to the room he frequented the most, your bedroom. With a knock, Kiseok waited a beat before opening it. He expected to see you in there, but it was empty.

Disappointment filled up before he sighed and closed the door. It was nearly one in the afternoon. If you weren’t home, it wasn’t likely you’d be back soon. Maybe you were at work-

The ajar door next to your own caught your eye. He’d never really explored your apartment and you had never offered. He figured it wasn’t important either but that door had always been closed. You had your own bathroom connected to your room and he had been in the main bathroom that was right across from your room so he knew this one wasn’t a bathroom.

You worked from home some times so it was probably an office of sorts?

Either way, he opened it, pushing it softly. “____? Are you in here?”

He wasn’t expecting...this.

“What the fuck...she has a kid?”

#aomg scenario #simon dominic #simon dominic scenarios #simon d #sam d #jung kiseok #kiseok scenarios #jay park #take a chance #chapter six #chapter 6 #khh #khiphop #k hip hop #kunderdogs

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carryonsimoncarryonbaz · 4 years

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My fic for the Carry On Countdown day 2 prompt Role Swap.

Simon returns for eighth year at Watford but to his dismay the roommate he's been pining over for three years is nowhere to be found. Simon searches for Baz, avoids Agatha and tries to come to terms with the feelings he has for his missing roommate.

Mirror Man

Simon

I run up the stairs to our room. I don’t know what I’m expecting. Baz never gets to Watford this early.

I do. Every time. I check myself out of care the day Watford opens the gates for the new school year.

Baz always shows up the night before classes start.

I just thought . . . I hoped . . . well, I suppose I really wanted this year to be different. That he’d come early, to savour our last year here. That I’d get a few more days with him.

The room is empty when I open the door. It doesn’t even smell like Baz anymore.

It smells a bit like the dirty socks I forgot in the corner.

He’s obviously not here.

I open the window to air out the room. Baz always fusses about the window but I don’t think he’d argue today--it’s warm and there’s a breeze.

And it might make the sock smell go away before he gets here.

I think about incinerating the socks but I don’t trust my spells yet. It’s hard after the months in care.

It’s hard in general. My spells are never reliable. It’s always hit or miss. Mostly miss.

I think about tossing my socks in the moat so the merwolves can choke on them, but that’s not being ecologically responsible so I end up washing them in the sink.

I put away the few things I brought with me from the home and hang up my new uniform.

And then I lie down on my bed and think about Baz.

Grey eyes.

Black hair.

That Baz is a vampire.

The fact that Baz Pitch is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen.

And I’m hopelessly in love with him.

Emphasis on the hopeless part.

Baz hates me. He’s hated me since the day we met--the day the Crucible brought us together.

He hates me for being the Mage’s Heir. For doing the Mage’s bidding. He despises me for being so thick and such shit with my magic. For how I look, how I talk, the way I eat, the fact that I keep the window open at night.

For everything, I think. I thought I hated him too. I thought that was why I watched him all the time. Why I followed him, why I sparked the arguments with him, the reason I couldn’t let him out of my sight.

It was fifth year when I finally realized how I felt. The night I followed Baz into the Catacombs and found him by his mother’s tomb. Drinking from a flask and saying . . . saying things that made me rethink everything.

I stopped following him to the Catacombs after that. Even if he is a vampire, he still deserves privacy to grieve at his mother’s tomb undisturbed.

I stopped following him at all. For awhile.

I didn’t know what to think. And I couldn’t stop thinking.

About Baz.

The way his hair had fallen out of its usual slicked back severity that night to fall in waves that framed his face.

I liked that. I liked it a lot.

Or how his eyes had been half-lidded, his body relaxed as he rested against the stone wall of the Catacombs, his cheekbones highlighted by the flickering torchlight.

He was beautiful.

I’d never thought of him that way before but once I did, I couldn’t stop.

I wanted to touch his hair. Sweep it behind his ear and trail my fingers along his jaw. I wanted to look into his eyes and have all his focus be on me, to see his gaze soften as our eyes met.

I still want that.

That and a whole lot of other things.

I’m being stupid, of course. None of that will ever happen.

Baz can’t stand me. He barely tolerates sharing a room with me, if I’m going to be honest.

And even if he didn’t hate me, he’s dating the most beautiful girl at Watford.

Which means he’s straight.

He’s been with Agatha since the end of fifth year. They’re breathtaking together--her milky gold hair set off by his dark mane.

They match--both posh, both wrenchingly beautiful, both comfortable in the world of Mages, confident of their place in it.

And then there’s me. Simon Snow. Orphan. Filled with magic I can’t control. A weapon to fight the dark creatures that threaten our world. The Mage’s protege.

With a future that can only end in flames.

I’m supposed to be Baz’s nemesis.

I’m not supposed to be pining over him.

I look over at his empty bed, the way I’ve looked at it countless times over the past years, when Baz was actually in it.

This is our last year at Watford. This is our last year together.

These are the last few months I’ll ever have a chance to be this close to Baz Pitch.

Fuck it all.

I should probably quit moping and go find Penny. Stop obsessing over a boy I’ll never have.

It doesn’t stop me from picking up Baz’s pillow as I walk by his bed. I breathe in the faint hint of cedar and bergamot that clings to the fabric before I leave the room.

The days pass and Baz doesn’t come. He isn’t at tea when the first Visiting occurs. He’s not at the welcome-back picnic.

He isn’t in our room the night before the term starts and he doesn’t show up for classes the next day.

Or the day after that.

The professors stop calling out his name after the first week.

The rumors that fly through the dining hall are varied and absurd.

He’s gone off for a dark coming of age ritual.

He’s left Watford to work for his father.

He’s apprenticed himself to an herbalist, like his crazy aunt.

He’s vacationing in Ibiza.

I don’t believe any of it. Baz would never miss school. He wouldn’t leave eighth year unfinished.

He’d certainly never let Penny finish first in our class.

He wouldn’t abandon his mother’s legacy.

Baz wouldn’t do any of that. I know him. I think I know him better than anyone.

And I think something’s very, very wrong.

I start stalking his best friends Dev and Niall. I pester them with questions and harass them about Baz but I don’t think they know any more than I do. They’re vague and insulting when I corner them but there’s a hint of worry in their eyes when I do.

Agatha’s taken to sitting with Penny and me for meals now that Baz is gone, but she won’t answer any of my questions about him.

“I don’t want to talk about him, Simon. I don’t know where he is. I’m not his keeper.”

She sits next to me in class. She gives me the smiles she used to save for Baz.

It feels all wrong.

I scour the Catacombs for any sign of him. It’s overrun with rats down there, which tells me all I need to know. I won’t find him there.

I comb the Wavering Wood for clues. I hack at the underbrush and hack off the resident Dryad when I do.

“What do you seek, Chosen One?”

“I’m looking for my roommate, Baz.”

She glares at me as she twirls her parasol. “The blood-eater is not here, Mageling. Seek him elsewhere.”

“I’ve searched everywhere.”

“Then perhaps he doesn’t want you to find him.”

“Listen, if you do see him, could you let me know?”

“He is not here and you are a menace.” She turns away and floats back into the dimness of the forest.

Typical.

I see Agatha on the ramparts a few days later. I follow her up. I wonder if she’s waiting for Baz.

If she’s yearning for him like I am.

She’s a lovely sight, leaning over the walls, her hair streaming in the wind, her pale face lit by the moon.

She’s a vision in her white dress.

She’s also probably freezing. It’s cold up here.

Agatha turns when she hears my footsteps on the stones. Her eyes are wide and dark as she smiles at me.

It’s that smile. The one she used to have just for Baz.

“Were you looking for me, Simon?”

I wasn’t, not in the way she thinks at least.

I’m starting to get the idea that Agatha might be hoping I was searching for her.

I’ve probably given her a reason to think that. I’ve watched her with Baz for so long. Watched him take her hand, stared at her fingers as she curled a strand of his hair around her finger, seen her lean in close to whisper to him. Adjust his already perfectly knotted tie.

I’ve watched her do every single thing I’ve wanted to do to Baz since fifth year.

I’ve got a list.

And for the first time I realize I may have been giving Agatha the wrong impression. That she’s taken those longing looks and stares and assumed they were for her.

My stomach clenches at the thought. Merlin, I’ve made a mess of this. I never meant to lead her on.

I think back to the last time I saw Baz.

He was in the Wavering Wood--holding Agatha’s hands in his and staring at her so intently.

The way I wish he’d look at me.

I’d made a sound I think, as Penny clutched my arm, and they’d both turned to look at me--Baz’s gaze turning right back to Agatha in an instant, dismissing me in a way that made my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.

But Agatha had stared back at me--long and steady, almost appraising.

I didn’t know how she could take her eyes off of Baz, how she could turn away from him.

I never could. I’d never look away. I’d never turn my back on him.

But then the Humdrum had snatched me away before I could embarrass myself any further.

Agatha’s still waiting for an answer from me.

“Uh . . . um . . . I was just wondering why you were wandering the ramparts.” The next words come out before I think them through. “Are you waiting for Baz?”

The smile turns into a frown. “I’ve told you, Simon. I’m not his keeper. I’m not waiting for him. Not anymore.”

I’m not sure what she means by that.

“Then why are you up here? You don’t even have a coat. It’s bloody cold, Agatha.”

It is. The wind is icy and there’s been a distinct chill in the air all day. I see a shiver run through her as the next gust of wind washes over us.

I take off my duffel coat and drape it over her shoulders. She makes an attempt to protest but sinks into it gratefully when I insist, shoving her hands deep in the pockets. There’s a flash of white in her hand as she does, a piece of fabric clutched between her fingers.

“I just needed to clear my head,” Agatha says, leaning on the ramparts again, her shoulder brushing mine.

“And did you?” I don’t know why I’m making small talk but I can’t just leave when she’s wearing my coat, now can I?

Agatha turns to me, reaching out her hand to take mine. “I did.”

I’m not sure what she’s doing. Her fingers are cold as they thread between my own.

“I’ve been thinking, Simon.”

I swallow but I don’t have anything to say. I have the distinct feeling I’ve gotten myself into a situation here. And I’m likely to bollocks it up even further, knowing me.

“Thinking about you. And me. And Baz.”

Merlin and Morgana. It may be cold up here but I break into a sweat at her words. Can she know how I feel about Baz?

Bloody hell.

“I don’t know if you’re aware, Simon, but Baz and I broke up at the end of the school year.”

This is news to me.

“I didn’t . . . I hadn’t realized.” My mind is racing. Is that what was happening that day in the Wavering Wood? Had Baz broken up with her?

“No, I suppose you hadn’t.” She squeezes my hand. “You’re such a dear, you know.”

I’m starting to feel very uncomfortable.

“I made some realizations that day and came to the decision that Baz and I really weren’t suited for each other.”

She broke up with Baz? Who would break up with Baz?

I drop her hand. “Is that why he hasn’t come back?” I can’t quite keep the accusatory tone out of my voice.

“I’ve no idea. I haven’t spoken to him.” She flips her hair back. “I honestly don’t think he was all that upset about it. It wasn’t as if we were in love, or anything. We just sort of drifted together in the first place and then drifted apart. It happens.”

I blink. “But . . . but . . . you and Baz, you’re not . . . you aren’t . . .” I’m blustering. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Agatha broke up with Baz.

Baz, the boy I’ve loved for three years.

Baz, who hates me.

Baz, who’s missing.

“It was nice while it lasted, Simon, but it’s not like Baz is the only boy at Watford.”

He’s the only one for me, I think.

Agatha reaches out and puts her hand on my wrist. “We should go in, Simon. I’m sure you’re freezing.” She hooks her arm around mine and tugs me towards the stairs.

I’m in a daze. I’m not really paying much attention to what Agatha is saying until we’re at the bottom of the steps. Mummers is to our left and the Cloisters to our right. This is where we should part ways.

“It’s been nice sitting with you and Penny and getting a chance to get to know you.” She squeezes my arm as she says this and I’m on alert again. “I’d like to get to know you better.” It’s almost a purr and she’s smiling that smile at me again.

Oh.

“Ah . . . yeah . . . it’s been nice getting to know you too.” I’m stumbling over my words. “Uh . . . and for Penny too. It’s nice for her to have another friend.”

“Hmm. Yes, of course. Friends.” She draws the word out as she looks up at me from under her lashes and she’s a vision--all golden hair, deep brown eyes, milky skin. She’s gorgeous but all I feel is a sense of dread.

I have the distinct impression Baz’s ex-girlfriend is hitting on me. Which is not what I want in the slightest.

Fuck. This is all my fault. I was right--I’ve given Agatha the wrong impression. She’s obviously convinced I’ve been pining over her, rather than Baz. What a bloody mess. How do I manage to always bollocks things up?

I need to get out of here. Find a way to brush her off without pissing her off as well. Good luck with that. I’m shit with words.

“Uh . . . so I’ll see you tomorrow then?” I’m so stupid. That’s encouraging her. Merlin, I am absolute pants at this.

“Yes, I’d like that.”

Oh fuck. Tomorrow is Saturday. I wouldn’t have to see her at all and now I just put my foot in it. I’m a fucking disaster. How do I do this to myself?

“Um . . . see you at breakfast then.” I’m trying to minimize the damage. Maybe that’ll work. I unhook my arm from hers and take a few steps towards Mummers.

“Oh, Simon! Your coat.” Agatha starts to shrug out of it.

“No, it’s alright. You wear it. You’ve got the longer walk.”

Her lips curve up again. I know it’s supposed to be attractive but it just makes me more agitated.

She pulls the collar of my coat up, snuggles into it and says “Smells like you. Like a bonfire. Warm and cozy.”

And that’s it. I can’t have her keeping my coat. I can’t have her snuggling in it and looking at me this way and thinking about me like that.

“Um . . . why don’t I just walk you back now and I can take it with me then?”

That makes her look even happier.

Fuck.

She takes my arm again, pulling me close, and we start to walk towards the Cloisters, Agatha chatting at me the whole way there.

She’s talking about Christmas and the Club and the parties her parents have for the holiday. I catch about half of what she’s saying.

I can’t really pay attention. My brain has short-circuited at the idea that Agatha might be attracted to me.

I need to put a stop to this. I’ve accidentally led her on but now that I suspect she’s got an interest in me I can’t let it keep going.

Mostly because I’m not attracted to her that way.

But also because I know how hurt Baz would be to know Agatha turned her attention to me, after breaking it off with him.

Likely more furious than hurt. It would make him hate me even more.

It feels disloyal to him to even be walking with her this way--arm in arm, her head practically resting on my shoulder.

It’s a relief when we finally reach the Cloisters and Agatha slides my coat off. She hugs it to her for one instant before handing it back and my stomach plummets.

I put it on and busy myself with the buttons, backing away from the door as I do.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Simon.” “See you at breakfast, yeah.” And then I make a run for it, literally jogging across the courtyard to Mummers and taking the steps two at a time to get to my room.

Bloody hell. That’s all I need now, Agatha taking a fancy to me. What a disaster. I jam my hands in my coat pockets as I walk to my wardrobe.

There’s something in the left hand pocket. I pull out a wadded bit of cloth.

It’s one of Baz’s handkerchiefs. I’d know it anywhere. It’s got his family crest on it: flames, the moon, three falcons. I clench it in my hand.

It’s what Agatha was holding.

I know there are half a dozen just like it in the drawer across the room but this one feels precious to me. I bring it up to my face and inhale.

It smells like Baz.

I’ll make this right with Agatha tomorrow. I’ll figure out what to do, what to say, to stop whatever she thinks is going on.

I tuck the handkerchief under my pillow.

Distancing myself from Agatha isn’t as easy as I’d hoped. She sits next to me at mealtimes. She’s in more than half my classes.

I’ve taken to studying in the room because she comes to the library to sit with me and Penny now. I’m sure it’s going to affect my marks, not studying with Penny, but it’s too awkward having Agatha there.

She bumped her leg against mine today and then kept it there.

I had to pretend to go look for a book in the stacks when shifting away from her didn’t work.

I should just tell her.

Not that I fancy Baz. I’m not telling anyone that. I haven’t even told Penny.

No, I’ll have to tell Agatha I don’t think of her that way. Which I’m sure will sound absolutely lame and ridiculous, as she’s the most gorgeous girl in school and the rest of the blokes would likely kill for a chance to date her, now that she’s not with Baz anymore.

I still wonder about that. I can’t imagine why she broke it off with him. I mean, yes, he’s a snide arsehole and an arrogant prick but he’s never been that way with her. He’s all courtly and chivalrous, polite and attentive. He’s fit and smart and posh as hell. An Old Family name and Old Family money. Quite the catch and drop-dead gorgeous to boot.

It doesn’t make sense.

Maybe it’s the vampire thing. But surely she knew before now? She couldn’t be dating him for three years and not know, could she?

I mean, I know.

And yes, fine, it’s not confirmed or anything. I haven’t caught him in the act of draining a rat. I don’t have proof, photographs, a written confession--all the things Penny demands as evidence.

But I know.

And I don’t care.

Really, I don’t.

He’s not that kind of vampire. I know he doesn’t go after people. It’s rats and rabbits and squirrels. It’s probably just enough for him to get by. He doesn’t even go after Ebb’s goats and they’re easy prey.

Except Ebb would likely incinerate him on the spot. She’s tetchy about the goats.

Baz has had every opportunity to drain me dry and he hasn’t--and it’s not just the Anathema that’s keeping him from it. He could easily have done it in the Catacombs. Or in the Wavering Wood. Fed me to the merwolves when he was done with me and blamed my absence on one of the Mage’s missions gone wrong. No one would have known.

But he hasn’t.

That has to mean something.

I know I was an arse about it fourth and fifth year. I’d shout about Baz being a vampire to anyone who would listen.

No one really did. They all thought I was mental.

And then, that night, when I saw him in the Catacombs by his mother’s tomb--that’s when I knew I was right.

I could see the freshly drained rats in the corner. I could see, even by torchlight, that his face had more color to it.

It was the circumstantial evidence that I’d been seeking but it felt hollow when I had it in my grasp.

I’d turned away. Left him there. Left him and went straight to the library.

To the Magickal Records.

To read everything I could about Natasha Pitch. And how she died.

It made sense then. They’d Turned Baz that day. It wasn’t written out anywhere or mentioned at all.

But knowing Baz, seeing him in the Catacombs, hearing what he said, reading the accounts--it isn’t that hard to piece it together. He was Turned the day his mother died.

He was a child and they killed his mother and Turned him. I’d happily incinerate the lot of them if Natasha Pitch hadn’t done it already.

Baz has been hiding it ever since. He’s been trying to live his life as a Mage and repress that other side of him.

All the pieces fell into place. Why he was so secretive. Why having a roommate--any roommate--would be torture for him. Why he kept his distance from almost everyone in our class. Except Dev and Niall, who are basically family or close to it.

And Agatha.

All I did was make life more miserable for him.

So I’d stopped. Stopped accusing him of being a vampire. Stopped following him down to the Catacombs. Stopped picking fights with him about every little thing.

But I couldn’t stop watching him. Couldn’t stop trying to stay close to him.

Couldn’t risk something happening to him.

Or the chance that someone would find out what he is. Especially the Mage.

I suppose you could say I was watching over him. That sounds better than stalking, I think.

We’d not been at each other’s throats by seventh year. We had a pattern. A way of moving around each other, navigating the spaces in our room, our interactions distant but almost civil.

It was what had made me so hopeful for this year. That maybe Baz was as tired of fighting as I was. That the first steps we’d taken last year might take us on a path to something different.

Not what I longed for but maybe, just maybe, we could find a way to be friends.

But he’s not here.

He’s not here and every day feels like the emptiness he’s left behind grows bigger.

It’s a weight on my chest, like I can’t take in a deep enough breath, as if there’s not enough air for me to breathe anymore.

The days pass.

I stop looking for Baz.

I know it’s not his step on the stairs. I know he’s not in the seat behind me in class. I know it’s not his feet rustling the leaves in the Wavering Wood (he’s much stealthier than that).

I know it’s not him on the football pitch.

He’s nowhere he should be and that hurts.

I avoid Agatha as best I can. I’ve taken to avoiding meals just so I don’t have to sit with her. Or I’ll just rush in, stuff my face for a few moments at the table, and then rush off to my room with a few bacon butties or scones in my hand.

Penny thinks I’m being ridiculous. “Just tell her you’re not interested, Simon.” She kicks my leg under the table. Agatha left breakfast early to finish her Political Science essay so Penny and I are finally, blissfully alone. “You’re not a good match, so just tell her already and let’s stop this hide and seek you’re playing.”

“I’m not playing hide and seek.”

“You practically run out of the room when she comes in and then she’s wandering around looking for you. It’s aggravating, Simon.”

“I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

Penny glares at me over her glasses. “You think it’s any better leading her on like this?”

I groan. “I don’t mean to lead her on, Penny. I thought she’d get the hint by now.”

Penny’s eyes narrow. “Communication, Simon. You can’t expect people to read your mind. Just tell her it’s a bad idea and move on.”

She’s right.

Confrontation unnerves me. This kind, I mean, the kind I can’t solve with my sword.

I’m good at confronting goblins and orc-upines and all manner of dark creatures, but I’m shit at talking about things like this. Feelings. Relationships. I’ve just got no clue how to go about it and I’m sure I’ll bollocks it up. I’m shit with words.

I grab fistfuls of my hair and groan again. “You’re right, Penny. I know. I’ll figure out a way to tell her.”

“There’s nothing to figure out, Simon. It’s just a short conversation. ‘Agatha, I just want to be friends.’ That’s it.”

“Ugh. I know.” I pull on my hair again. “Did I tell you she’s invited me home with her for Christmas?”

“Simon, you know you can’t go.”

“Of course, I’m not going to go. I’ll go back to the home, like I always do.”

Her eyes soften and she reaches across the table to take my hand. “I wish I could bring you home with me, Simon, you know I do.”

I squeeze her hand. “I know you do, Pen. You all barely fit as it is. You don’t need me sleeping in your bathtub.” I’m trying to lighten the mood. I know Penny hates the idea of me being in the homes. She was going to write a stern letter to the Mage about it fifth year but I wouldn’t let her.

“I’d sleep in the bathtub if it came to that, Simon. But Mum’s told me I can’t bring you, even if I spell you invisible. It’s just too much.”

I know it’s my magic. And me, in general. I put Professor Bunce on edge.

She’s sensitive to the overabundance of magic in me and it gives her a headache. And I’m generally in the way: knocking over stacks of books or messing up her papers or making a bollocks of a spell. It’s an effort to have me there for a weekend.

There’s no way she could tolerate me for all of Winter Break.

I can’t say Agatha’s offer isn’t tempting. I’ve never spent Christmas with people. In a house with a real tree and a fireplace and a holiday meal and people who actually like each other sitting around a table together.

There’s usually just a pathetic fake tree at the homes, with donated gifts beneath it, and a shoddy Santa on Christmas Day for the little ‘uns.

We usually get a sham of a Christmas dinner. Turkey and gravy, a dollop of lumpy mashed potatoes, brussels sprouts and then a pudding of sorts. There’s still never enough to make me feel full.

So I can’t say it’s not tempting. It is. More than Penny can imagine. But it’s not fair to Agatha to take her up on the offer.

If she were Penny I’d do it a heartbeat. But things are already far too awkward with Agatha and I can’t go under false pretences. I don’t want to be her boyfriend.

And I think she’ll rescind the offer when I tell her all I want is to be friends.

It’s fine. I’ve spent every Christmas of my life in the homes so far and I can manage one more. It’ll be the last one anyway.

I’m on my own once I graduate from Watford. Out of the care system forever.

I’m buttering another scone when the doors to the dining hall fly open. At first I think it’s another Visiting but when the figure steps through the doors my heart thumps hard enough to almost burst from my chest.

I know that face. I know it as well as my own.

Black hair.

Grey eyes.

Baz.

I stand up, knocking my chair over. Penny clutches at my sleeve.

He doesn’t look right. He’s too thin. Too grey.

He’s limping.

Baz.

Our eyes meet.

It takes everything in me to keep from running to him. Penny’s fingers are digging into my forearm. I think she’s going to leave bruises.

He’s not looking away.

I could never look away.

Baz

Snow is the first person I see, making as much of a racket as usual, surging to his feet and knocking over a chair as he does, the clumsy oaf.

I feel like I can breathe again at the sight of him. Something loosens in my chest at the familiarity of his face. Those ordinary blue eyes. Bronze curls in a tangled mess.

Our eyes meet and I can’t look away.

I don’t know why my gaze always targets him. No matter who else is in the room, I find myself seeking out Snow.

He’s thin. He shouldn’t be so thin. He looks as worn and strained as he does on the first day of term. This isn’t how Snow should look. His cheeks should be filled out by now, from the mountains of butter-slathered scones he’s devoured, the stacks of roast beef sandwiches he’s inhaled, the endless piles of bacon butties he loves.

I look like shit myself, if Fiona is any judge. I know I’m thin, frightfully pale and saddled with this ungainly limp still. Fuck the bloody numpties.

Snow hasn’t looked away so neither do I.

The thought comes unexpectedly and I don’t know what to make of it.

We match.

I look away. I can’t keep my eyes locked on Snow with those kinds of thoughts in my head.

Thoughts like the ones that would come to me when I was near mad with thirst and desperation while I was with the numpties.

Blue eyes.

Bronze curls.

The fact that Simon Snow is the most powerful magician alive.

That the image of him in my head was what kept me from succumbing to the darkness.

I don’t know what that means.

#carry on countdown #coc 2019 #Simon Snow #baz pitch #carry on #snowbaz #my writing #my fics #role swap

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bazypitchandsimonsnow · 4 years

Text

Missed Moments with You

Rating: M

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word Count: 14353

Summary: Almost six months after Baz drunkenly stumbled back into Simon's life, they're still together and happy. Well, mostly. It'd be great if they had more time together, but work keeps getting in the way. Can their relationship survive their real lives?

Read on AO3

Sequel to “Back to Haunt Me”

AN: HAHAHAHAHA I DID IT BITCHES!!!! I FINALLY FINISHED A FIC AFTER MONTHS OF ILLNESS AND WRITER'S BLOCK!!!! Seriously, I could not do ANYTHING for so long. But I was finally able to do this! Big thanks to @carryonmylovelies for all her help and encouragement. She is the best.

Sadly, I couldn't get this to fit into any of my requests. I will try to get to those, I promise. My brain is just not functioning at full capacity and really hasn't for awhile. Hope you enjoy this one tho :)

Disclaimer: I am not a teacher or a psychiatrist. Most of my knowledge comes from being a student and a therapy/psychiatry patient, plus a little research online. This is not meant to be a super duper accurate representation of either. Dramatic License was taken.

———————————————

Simon

Even though it’s soft, I still hear the door close. It’s not like I have super ears. I’ve just been sleeping lightly, trying to stay up until Baz comes back. I hear him quietly take off his ugly shoes, walk towards the room, and open the door. I stay still as he flops down next to me and gets under the blanket. He lazily throws an arm over my side, long nose pressed against my neck. I love when he does this, wraps himself around me. Baz makes me feel so happy.

“Hey,” I say, barely a whisper. “How was the hospital?”

Baz’s groan reverberates down my skin. “Nearly punched a patient’s father in the face.”

“Sounds like the usual.”

“Mhm. Just another day and night at University College Hospital.” He tosses his leg over mine. Sometimes I swear he wants to bloody climb me. “You should be asleep, Snow, it’s late.”

“You’re up.”

“Because I’m a medical resident and my hours are completely insane. You’re allowed the luxury of a mostly normal sleep schedule, take advantage of it.”

I grab his hand over my stomach, weaving our fingers together. “I like waiting for you.”

“Mm.” He nuzzles closer and holds me tighter, then presses a soft kiss behind my ear. I’m in heaven. “Sap.”

“Always.” I kiss the back of his hand. “We should both sleep now, love.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Night, love.”

I close my eyes, finally sinking into sleep as my wonderful, exhausted boyfriend holds me tight.

———————————————

I’m woken up by my alarm blaring shitty hair metal at top volume. Baz lets out a loud groan into my shoulder.

“Why do you play that rubbish?” he growls. “Why not some nice classical?”

“Because this rubbish wakes me up.” I reluctantly extract myself from Baz’s lovely arms. I hear him roll onto his stomach and spread out in a starfish on my bed. He loves cuddling with me, but he also likes to stretch out his long limbs. I grab my glasses, returning my ability to see properly, then turn around to look at him, and my mouth drops open.

“Baz!” I shout. “You climbed into my bed in your fucking scrubs again!?”

Baz lifts his head slightly and pulls at his light blue scrubs, eyebrows pulled together. “Hm, looks like I did.”

“They’re filthy!”

“No.” He flops back down, face smushed into my pillow. “I washed them yesterday. There’s just a bit of dried blood on my trouser leg. No sick or spinal fluid this time.”

I shake my head, but it’s with a smile. “I can’t believe my neat freak former roommate has developed such low standards of cleanliness.”

Baz makes an annoyed grunting sound before sinking further into my bed. I chuckle and press a kiss to his hairline. He’s already asleep again.

I grab my bathrobe and go into the kitchen, a smile on my face. It’s been five months since Basilton Pitch drunkenly wandered his way back into my life. I never imagined we would see each other again, let alone start dating. But it’s been pretty great. Baz is so much more than I thought he was. I already knew he was brilliant, but he’s also hilarious and kind and utterly amazing. I’m happier with him, and I think Baz is happier with me too.

The only problem is exactly what Baz warned me about when we started dating; he’s insanely busy. The hospital has him on a weird, inconsistent schedule. He’ll sometimes work for over twelve hours then collapse for an entire day afterwards. If that wasn’t hard enough, when this started, I didn’t factor in my own job. Very dumb, considering what I do. When I’m not teaching, I’m usually grading or writing lesson plans, so it’s not like I have a lot of free time either. We once went two and a half weeks without seeing each other. It was awful, but both of us understood. Still missed him though. I miss him a lot. In nearly six months, we’ve been on three proper dates. It’s not that I like fancy dinners and shit, I just like being with Baz. I wish we could be together more.

I stop to give Cherry her morning pet and wet food. She purrs under my hand. Then I make myself instant coffee, the ambrosia of primary teachers, and toaster waffles. I leave some for Baz to heat up later. He has pretty refined tastes, but no one can resist toaster waffles. He’ll probably be up to eat them around noon, when we’ll Skype chat while I have lunch at school. It’s my favourite part of the day. I want it to happen more often.

The phone ringing breaks me out of my lovesick melancholy. Penny’s grinning face stares back at me. I quickly pick it up. “Hey, Pen.”

“Hey Si,” she says, voice crackling slightly. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going alright. Just making myself some shit coffee and toaster waffles.”

“I’m a bit horrified your breakfast habits haven’t changed since uni.”

I scoff very self righteously. “Neither have yours. Last time I visited, you were stuffing your face with pop tarts.”

“You have no proof of that.” I can feel Penny’s glare from across the bloody Atlantic.

“No,” I chuckle. “I guess I don’t. Oh, I did almost get video proof of Baz wolfing down two Big Macs. He finished just after I got my phone out, it was amazing.”

“Ha! Get a video of it when it happens next time, then show me that and I’ll owe you a pint.”

“I’ll try next time we go out.” I slump a little in my chair. “If we go out...”

Penny sighs in a particular way. It’s the one she uses when she knows I’m down and wants to bring me back up. “Baz still working those long shifts, huh?”

“Yeah, so he’s tired a lot. And our schedules have trouble syncing up. It really sucks and it’s not like either of us have a choice in it, especially him. But still it...it’s like- I just-”

“Part of you doesn’t give a shit about work, you just want to be together more.”

I sink further on the chair, so much so I fear I’m going to melt into the vinyl. “Kinda, yeah. Does that...does that make me a bad boyfriend and person?”

“No, no, absolutely not, Simon. It makes you a normal person who desires their partner.”

“Okay, yeah, sure, but Baz warned me about his job. He told me that he would have insane hours and it would make having a relationship really hard. I told him it was okay, that we would make it work, so I can’t get mad now, right?”

“You’re allowed to be upset that you don’t get to see your boyfriend as much as you wish you could.”

“I guess, yeah.” I shove half a toaster waffle in my mouth. It marginally helps. “I don’t know what to do, Pen. I can’t ask Baz to cut his hours, it’ll mess up his degree and piss off the doctors cause they’ll say he’s ‘not being dedicated’, which is a load of bollocks but it’ll happen. And it’s not like I can change when I work. There doesn’t seem to be a solution.”

Penny sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Si. There’s no easy way to deal with this. I think you just have to talk things out.” I groan heavily. “Yeah, I know, you hate talking. But can you think of anything else?”

“No,” I grumble. “Save for just shagging him senseless so we can both let off some nervous stress.”

“Sex doesn’t fix everything.”

“Well, no, but it would be nice to try it period.”

“You two still haven’t slept together?!” she says far too loudly. I hope Micah isn’t home. God, that would be embarrassing. “It’s been months!”

“I know,” I groan, “but we’ve both been busy and tired, especially Baz. Mostly we’ve just been snogging, which is awesome. Baz is a great kisser.”

“Too much information, Si.”

“Sorry, sorry. I like kissing, I’d just like to do...other stuff too.”

“Which is perfectly understandable, and the only way it’s going to ever happen is if you figure out where to go in your relationship. And that’s only going to happen by talking about it and working something out that both of you can live with.”

I eat another toaster waffle. Again, helps a little, not enough. “That’s hard.”

“And necessary if you want to keep this relationship.” There’s a short pause and I try to speak before Penny interrupts me. “You definitely do want to keep it, right?”

My leg jerks so hard I nearly knock my coffee over. “Of course I do! Baz is kind and amazing and funny and brilliant and I fucking lo-”

We both go silent. I put a hand over my mouth. Holy shit, I can’t believe I almost said that. I haven’t even thought about it before, until now. (Typical, I don’t figure it out until I’m right in the middle of shit.) I mean, I’ve thought about it in a sort of abstract, future way. But not right now, not after only five months together when we spent seven years apart and an equal amount of time hating each other. Could I really be in love already?

“Shit, really?” Penny whispers. “You love him?”

I bite my nails, something I haven’t done since second year of uni. “Uh, I guess, maybe. I don’t know. It’s way too soon and I’m not exactly that experienced in love. I don’t think I can say for sure of anything...”

“Okay. What can you say for sure then?”

“Well,” I stop chewing on my nails, “I know I care about Baz. I enjoy being around him. And I really, really, really like him.”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, I can deal with that.”

“Good, stick with that, don’t jump too far. Figure out where you two stand before you start talking about love.”

“Yeah,” I sigh, “you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

I scoff and roll my eyes, similar to Baz. I’m picking a lot up from him, “I know, I know.” My eyes catch the clock. “Oh shit, I’ve got to go right now. If I’m late my kids are going to destroy the classroom.”

Penny snorts. “The trials of a parent of thirty two children.”

“Exactly. Talk to you later, Pen, love you.”

“Love you too, Si, bye!”

The phone clicks off, leaving me hopelessly alone with my thoughts. So, I want to be around Baz more. That’s reasonable, he’s my boyfriend. But neither of us can be around more because of our beloved jobs. I’m going to have to find some solution. But not right now because I’m going to be very, very late. I rush out the door with only the thoughts of the tube schedule on my mind.

———————————————

“Lishie, no,” I say, taking the marker from her hand, “that’s a shared class writing utensil, you can’t chew on it.”

Lishie pouts at me, blinking her big brown eyes. “But Mr. Snow,” she whines.

“None of that, please. If you must chew on something, please use your own pencil.” I lean down to look at her drawing of a castle. “This is your favourite place, huh?”

“Yeah.” She points at her lovely pink palace. “This is my Lishie only place. It keeps my brother out and shoots lasers at bad guys.”

I nod with a big smile. “Both are very important. Nice work.” I turn to Zahir. His drawing is of a beautiful shoreline with a fiery sunset. “And what place is this?”

“It’s the view from my grandparent’s house,” he chirps.

“It looks lovely, Zahir, good job.”

I stand up and check the other kids. They’re all doing wonderfully. I help where needed, handing them markers and giving colour suggestions. Luckily the kiddos are being good today. I don’t think I can handle their particular brand of tornado like insanity right now.

“Mr. Snow, look what I did!” I lean down to Harrison’s level. His picture is of himself with his two Mums holding hands under an abundance of trees.

“It’s amazing, Harry,” I say. “Where are you three in this picture?”

“We’re at the camping ground where my Mums met. They got married at the lake last year. We go there every summer break.”

“Aw, that’s very sweet.”

“Are you married, Mr. Snow?” Rosanne calls out. I hate mean nicknames. They’re a dumb bullying tactic. At the same time though, “Nosey Rosie” is occasionally apt. Not that I’d ever say that out loud, of course.

“No, I’m not married, Rose,” I say calmly.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

The kids start muttering and giggling. I sigh, shaking my head. “No, I don’t have a girlfriend either. But my love life is none of your business, munchkins.”

“A boyfriend?” Liza shouts. “My mum said you probably have a boyfriend.”

I sigh and rub my temple. Well, while her mother is correct, the beautiful and single Ms.Thorn has also made many advances on me. I suppose me being gay rationalises my kind rejections of her. I believe she needs to get over herself.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” I hate lying to the kids, but I’m not going to talk about my relationship with them. “Again, my love life is personal.”

Thandi gasps, and leans over to Riya beside her. Her tone suggests a whisper, but her volume shows she absolutely means to be heard. “What if Mr. Snow has a secret girlfriend or boyfriend?”

They all start chattering away with big grins on their faces. I sigh heavily. There is nothing ten year olds love more than gossiping, especially about their teachers. I’ve caught my munchkins talking about if the football coach and year 11 science teacher are together. (They aren’t. Both Coach Markova and Mr. Saadia have been married for over twenty years. Their husbands are wonderful friends.) I don’t want to become the next rumour on the playground.

“Okay, hush up all of you,” I say loudly. They all quiet down. “It’s not appropriate to discuss my personal life, so you’re going to stop right now, understand?”

“Yes, Mr. Snow,” they reply all at once in a shamed, slightly annoyed tone. It’s one I’m extremely familiar with.

“Good. Now go back to your drawings, or we’ll start the maths worksheets early.”

They all gasp, then go back to drawing. I hear whispers about normal things, like Power Rangers and Disney movies. I sigh and return to my desk, leaning back in the chair. Honestly, even if I did want to answer the kids, I wouldn’t be sure what to say. I do have a boyfriend officially, but I barely see him. Twice a week at best. It’s not his fault, he tries his best. I fuck up more than him honestly. I just wish we could be...more boyfriends? That doesn’t make sense.

My pocket buzzes and I pull out my phone. I’m not supposed to use it during class hours, but the kids are working right now, it’s fine. The text is from Baz. My pulse speeds up like it does every time. But when I open it, my heart drops instead.

Baz [13:40] Hey love. So sorry but I can’t come over tonight. Need to pick up an extra shift. I promise I’ll make it up to you ❤️

I sigh heavily, trying to suppress the disappointment and hurt. It’s not his fault, he’s doing his best. We’ll figure something out. Right?

Simon [13:41] it’s alright love we’ll find another time

Baz [13:41] ❤️

———————————————

“No, no, hold the rock like this.” Baz adjusts my grip. I love his fingers, long and elegant. If he wasn’t a doctor, I think he would make an incredible pianist.

“How does the way I hold the rock change anything?” I ask.

“It helps you get the right angle to skip it.”

I frown in confusion. “I thought the rock’s shape helped with that.”

“Both help. So,” he guides my arm back, “let’s try.”

Baz’s callused fingers caress my bare skin. I let out a shaky breath. God, I shouldn’t get this hot and bothered from Baz just touching me. I’m not some horndog, I can wait for sex. The pent up tension is just...getting to me a bit.

“Now flick it, Snow,” Baz says.

I fling the stone forward. It flies over the pond, sending ripples across the aquamarine water. The stone nearly reaches the other side before finally dropping. I’m grinning ear to ear. When I turn around, Baz is too.

“Wonderful job, love.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “I knew you could do it.”

God, I’m going to melt into a puddle. I peck his lips softly. “Thanks for showing me, love.”

He kisses me back, a bit firmer. I would snog the life out of him right now if we weren’t in the middle of Regent’s Park, apparently a popular relaxation spot for UCLH. We’re surrounded by nurses chatting, residents resting, and doctors smoking cigarettes. (Baz says doctors truly have the least regard for their own health.) We sadly pull apart and take a seat on a bench. I put my head on his strong shoulder, and he throws his arm around me.

“How were psych rounds today?” I ask.

“Awful,” he groans. “Mr. Teversham still refuses to take his medication, and Mx. Joseph is fighting therapy at every turn.”

“Hm, well, you expected this. Any ideas?”

“Mx. Joseph needs to be in therapy without knowing they're in therapy. Mr. Teversham needs to be sedated so he can’t yell at me anymore.”

I snort. “Not sure that’s legal.”

“It’s not, but one can dream. Both probably need adjustments in their medications but that would affect serotonin levels too much at this delicate stage of treatment.”

“Mm, that sucks. Anything you could do for now?”

“More group therapy and coping techniques, I suppose. Little else we can do.”

I nod thoughtfully. Honestly, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I try to be interested. It’s important to him so I do my best.

He slowly strokes my hair. I lean closer to him. “How’s your work going, love?”

“It’s alright. Kids aren’t being too destructive. Oh, I’ve been working on something else though.”

Baz smiles, pulling me closer. “What’s that?”

“A new scone recipe.”

He lets out a joyous laugh, throwing his head back so far some of his gelled hair gets dislodged. I like the way a few raven strands fall in his face. “You seriously haven’t run out of new ones to try?”

I shrug. “Not yet. Maybe one day.”

“And then you’ll start making your own.”

“Probably.” I throw both arms around his torso, squeezing him tight. “I’ll give them to you to try.”

He chuckles softly. “Well, maybe. I have to stay in good shape to keep up with the other residents, and I can’t mess up what little sleep I have.”

I deflate slightly. Right, he’s gotta watch his health more than me. I should remember that. Bloody hell, I’m a terrible boyfriend. “R-Right. Well, I’ll make something else for you I guess...”

He makes a humming noise, but I can’t tell what it means. I’m horrible at non-verbal cues and unfortunately Baz is still no exception. I want to ask him about being around, about us being together, but the words get all tangled in my throat. I don’t know how to ask him without sounding like a selfish arse.

(Maybe I am a selfish arse. Maybe I don’t deserve this, deserve him.)

(No no, Simon, stop it, stop with the self deprecation.)

(Even though he is better than me...)

I’m about to open my mouth when two clashing beeps ring out. Baz and I scramble to our phones.

“Fuck,” I groan. “Emergency staff meeting in twenty minutes. I’m gonna need to get a cab.”

“Me too,” Baz sighs. “Dr. Dehnavi wants to talk to me about a new inpatient. I suppose I should be flattered, but I’m more annoyed.”

“We’re both suffering it seems.”

“Apparently.” Baz leans over and pecks my lips. I lean forward, just slightly, asking for more that I can’t have right now. “I’ll text you later, love.”

“Yeah, me too.” We dash off in different directions. The questions I have still hang in my throat, but I put them down for now. Next time. Maybe...

———————————————

Thursday April 21

Baz [06:06] Hi, love. I’m finally done my night shift. We still on for the cafe this afternoon?

Simon [07:01] hey sorry I didn’t get this until now. unfortunately i’ve got some last minute extra tutoring to do with Sasha sorry

Baz [07:02] It’s alright. You free Friday night?

Simon [07:02] nah got grading ☹️ gotta go to class ttyl!

Baz [07:02] Alright, talk to you later.

———————————————

Sunday April 30

Simon [17:37] hey baz can I come over tonight?

Baz [17:58] Unfortunately not. I’m on call for OBGYN all night. Lots of sitting with tiny sick babies in the NICU...

Simon [18:05] fuck that doesn’t sound fun at all ☹️

Baz [18:06] Absolutely is not. I’ll text you later okay?

Simon [18:06] Okay ❤️

———————————————

Wednesday May 8

Baz [22:24] I miss you

Simon [22:24] I miss you too

———————————————

My phone rings at lunch. Baz’s slightly smiling face looks right back at me. I took the photo one night when we were watching telly. He’s got his hair all piled up in a bun, wearing an LSE sweatshirt. He looks gorgeous, as always. I’m so entranced by the picture that I answer it just before the last ring.

“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” Baz replies, sounding extremely tired. (He’s been sounding like that more and more lately.) “How’s your day been?”

“Not too bad. Joey fired a spitball at me, but I took the straw away pretty quickly.“

“Dear Lord, you teach monsters.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Nope, just children, love. They’re naturally nightmares.”

“Don’t have to tell me, Snow, I have four younger siblings.” He sighs, and I can imagine him tilting his head back, hair falling down behind him. It’s a nice image. “Are you free next Friday?”

“Hm, let me check.” I look at my Google calendar, which is filled to the brim with multicoloured event tabs, everything from field trips to when lesson plans need to be done. (I consider the second one more a guideline than a rule.) Friday is surprisingly blank. A grin breaks out across my face. “Yeah, Friday is good. Got something in mind?”

“Well, I finally have a Friday off. So I was thinking we could dress up and go somewhere nice. Somewhere with fine food, candles, a generally romantic atmosphere. Does that sound good to you?”

I can’t help biting my bottom lip like some stupid teenager. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in person in nearly three weeks, sue me. Sure there’s been some texting and calls and Facetimes, but none of that compares to the real thing. I’ve missed how Baz’s long fingers feel between mine, or the way he cups my cheek perfectly when he kisses me. I just want to be with him. And finally we have a chance.

“That sounds very good. And uh...” I take a pause to muscle up courage to say what I really, really want to say. “Do you want to go to my place afterwards? And sleep over? But y’know...not sleep?” Baz snorts. My cheeks are probably bright red. I groan and rub my forehead. “Sorry, that sounded dumb. I’m an adult, I should be able to talk about sex openly.”

Baz sighs in his strangely affectionate way. “Well, we both know you’re not the best with words, Snow.”

I chuckle and shrug. “Okay, true. But the message still got across right? What I’m asking? But please don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to ask if we could try...”

“Yes, it definitely did. And I would love to try. I think six months is a long enough wait. And I’m really sorry about that.”

“Don’t blame yourself, love, we’ve both been pretty physically absent. Life has just been nuts for us.”

“Agreed. So it’ll be nice to...unwind a bit.”

My face is absolutely bright red now. A lot of inappropriate thoughts are racing through my head right now. I have to shove them down so my brain doesn’t start dribbling out my ears before I have to go back to teaching.

“I-I would like that a lot too.” And of course the first lunch bell decides to ring just then. I groan loudly. “Fuck, lunch is over. Kids will be back soon. Text you later to set up details?”

“Sounds good. Bye, darling.

“Bye, darling.”

I listen until Baz hangs up, then press my phone to my chest with a sigh. I feel so unbelievably giddy. It’s ridiculous, really, to be this excited about a dinner and (possible) sex. But for some reason, my chest is so full it's about to explode. I want to run around the room, shouting to the heavens that I’m going on a lovely, romantic date with Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

Fuck, maybe I really am love. That’s a terrifying, wonderful thought.

———————————————

“Does my hair look alright?” I tousle it to the left, then to the right, then to the left again. Penny sighs and shakes her head on my screen.

“It looks fine either way. But if you don’t decide soon, you’re going to be late!”

I groan and tighten my tie, trying to see myself in my tiny image in the corner. “I know, I know, I just want this to be perfect.”

“Nothing can be perfect, Si.”

“Yeah, but I can try.” I sigh, buttoning my grey suit jacket. This is the one nice suit I own, and I took great precautions to keep it from getting wrinkled on my way to work. “So much hasn’t gone right or easily in our relationship. I want one thing to not go down the drain.”

Penny nods thoughtfully. “Understandable. Just also be realistic.”

“Yes, I will.” I check my watch (a graduation gift from Penny that goes really well with my suit) and inhale sharply. “Shit, I really do have to go. Bye, Pen!”

She waves with a big, toothy smile. “Bye, Si, good luck!”

“Thank you!”

We press the red button at the same time. I tuck my phone into my jacket, then do a last cursory look at myself. No wrinkles? Check. Dashingly messy hair? Check. “Supplies” for later waiting in my bedside table at home? Absolutely check. Awesome. I’m so bloody excited I could seriously start flying right now.

“M-Mr. Snow?”

My head head whips around at the small, familiar voice. It’s Jeremy, with his wavy brown hair and little freckles. He’s sniffling, wiping his nose and blood shot eyes. I immediately rush forward and get on my knees in front of him.

“Jeremy? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He makes a big sniff, more tears falling down his cheeks. “M-My dad was supposed to pick me up outside, but he never came! And Ms. Reinhart tried to call my mum and she’s not answering and I don’t know what to do!”

He breaks out into another sob. He wraps his little arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder. I pat his back, trying to comfort as best I can. Poor kid. I’m unfortunately aware of what Jeremy’s parents are like. This isn’t out of character for them. His dad’s probably off with his college age mistress and his mum is partying late with her friends. From what I know, Jeremy was an accidental teen pregnancy, and now his parents hate each other and resent Jeremy for “ruining” their young lives. (Baz would say something about emotional stunting and projecting and shit.) This is the first time they’ve truly abandoned him though. Poor, poor kid.

“Is there anyone you trust who could come get you?” I ask quietly.

“My aunt,” he sniffles. “But she’s super far away.”

“Okay, where does she live?”

“L-Luton, I think.”

Fuck, he’s not exaggerating. Luton is an hour away on a good day, and it’s the middle of London rush hour. His parents may be able get here before her, but she’s probably much more stable than both of them put together.

“Alright. Do you know her number?”

Jeremy nods and moves off my shoulder. He pulls out a cheap flip phone. One of his parents probably gave it to him for emergencies. That’s one good decision on their part. He then hands it to me. The contact is listed as “Auntie Caroline.” I stand up and press dial, Jeremy still clinging to my leg. It only rings twice before it’s picked up.

“Jeremy?” a seemingly female voice says, sounding utterly frantic. “Are you okay, love?”

“Hi,” I say, “I’m Simon Snow, Jeremy’s teacher. Don’t worry, he’s here with me, he’s safe.”

She lets out a very deep sigh. “Oh thank god. Is there something wrong?”

“Unfortunately, yes. His father was supposed to pick him up but hasn’t shown, and his mother isn’t answering her calls.”

“Those bastards,” she growls. “My brother and his good for nothing wife have already put him through hell, but this just takes the bloody cake!”

“Believe me, I agree with you. Considering our shared opinion, I was hoping you could come pick him up? I know it’s a lot to ask this late and you’re all the way in Luton but-”

“Don't have to ask me twice. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But it’s going to take me an hour, maybe two.”

I think about Baz, about everything we have planned, about every missed connection these past few weeks. But then I look down at Jeremy, who has the most tragic expression I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. I sigh heavily, then put the phone back to my ear.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with him at school until you come. Let me give you the address.”

I rattle off the school’s address, my room number, and the best route to get here. She listens raptly, obviously scribbling it all down.

“Alright, got it. Thank you, Mr. Snow, this means so much to me.”

“No problem, see you soon.”

The line clicks off. I get back down in front of Jeremy. “Your aunt is going to be here soon, Jer. Until then, we’re gonna stay here and sit tight. Okay?”

Jeremy nods, wiping away more snot. “O-Okay.”

“Awesome. How about you go sit in the reading corner and I’ll join you in just a sec.”

“Okay.” He throws himself at me, hugging me tight. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

I smile and pat his head. “You’re very welcome, Jeremy. Now go read and get your mind off all this.”

He pulls away and runs over to the reading nook, throwing himself into the neon pink bean bag chair. He grabs a Harry Potter book. Good pick, it’s something he’s familiar with. Though I hate to think how much he relates to the way Harry grew up.

I go to my desk on the other side of the room and take my phone out. Baz’s beautiful contact picture stares back at me, and my heart twists painfully. I hate this situation. I hate that I’m doing this again after nearly three bloody weeks of no physical contact. I can only hope he can understand. And forgive me. The other end rings three times.

“Hey.” Baz’s honey sweet voice is both comforting and painful right now.

“Hey,” I sigh.

“Oh no, that’s not a good ‘hey,’ is it?”

“No, unfortunately, it’s not.” I run a hand through my hair. “Remember Jeremy? One of my kids?”

“Yes, the one with the arsehole parents.”

“Yeah, that’s him. And tonight his parents have really taken the cake. Dad was supposed to be here but is probably off shagging his barely legal mistress, and mum is probably out clubbing and not picking up either.”

“Bloody hell, what a nightmare.”

“Exactly.” I slump into my chair, tugging my tie loose. “His aunt’s coming to pick him up, but...she lives in Luton...”

It’s Baz’s turn to sigh deeply. “And you’re going to have to stay with him until she gets there.”

God, I'm such an arsehole, and a predictable one at that. “I’m so, so sorry, Baz. I really wanted to go out tonight, and I know you don’t get many days off. This is such an out of the blue thing and I can’t just leave him. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s alright, Snow, I understand. I’ll hold you to that promise, okay?”

“Please do. I’ll text you later, yeah?”

“That’s good. Bye, love.” The tinge of sadness in Baz’s voice fucking kills me.

“Bye, darling.”

He hangs up, and I hang my head with a quiet groan. I’m such a dickhead. I could’ve left Jeremy with Ms. Reinhart and went on my date, but I know she has a sick mother at home that she takes care of. Then I would have ruined the date by feeling all guilty and shit. I hate that this is probably the best choice.

“Mr. Snow?” I turn to Jeremy. He’s looking at me with a furrowed brow and pout. “Are you okay?”

I shove all my guilt and worry deep down, and put a big smile on my face. “Yeah, I’m good, Jer. Now how about you read some Harry Potter to me? I’d love to hear it.”

A grin breaks out on his face. “Okay.”

I leave my jacket and tie on my desk and stride over to him. I sit in the beanbag next to him. (Of course I didn’t get these things just for the kids.) Jeremy opens the book to his page.

“Chapter 12,” he starts with gusto

And I sit there listening to him for God knows how long. I laugh, make comments, correct his pronunciation when needed. I'm still a teacher after all. Then when the chapter is done, we watch silly animal videos on my laptop. I make sure Jeremy is happy. He deserves that after all of this. He needs to feel safe. I just wish it wasn’t at the sacrifice of Baz getting stood up, again. God, am I ever going to get to see my boyfriend again? Is the universe ever going to let us have a moment together? I can’t really blame the universe though, I guess. This was my choice. I’m awful. Baz doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him, honestly.

Soon enough, a middle aged woman with long pink and purple hair sticks her head through the door at the other side of the room. “Hello?”

Jeremy grins and drops the book immediately. “Auntie Caroline!”

Caroline grins and catches Jeremy right in her arms, holding him up high. I walk to them but keep a good distance. “Hey munchkin, good to see you. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Snow stayed with me. We watched kittens!”

“That sounds awesome.” Caroline turns to me. “Thank you so much, Mr. Snow. Is there any way I can repay you?”

I wave my hand. “Don’t worry, no payment is needed. Just glad Jeremy has somewhere to go.

Her face falls slightly. She puts Jeremy down, touching his head. “Can you go get all your stuff, dear?”

“Okay!” Jeremy races off to the cubby area at ten year old speed. It’s a unique phenomenon. Caroline looks at me with a very serious expression.

“Here’s the thing,” she says in a hushed tone, “I’ve been trying to build a custody case for months, but I haven’t been able to get concrete proof of abuse and neglect. This changes things. If my lawyer needs you to, could you please testify at the custody hearing? I know it’s a lot to ask. You’ve already done so much, so if you can’t, I understand-”

“Say no more.” I take a sticky note from my desk and write out my mobile number. “Here. Tell your lawyer they’re free to call me. I’ll do anything to help Jeremy get somewhere safe.”

She sighs and takes the note. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

“Please, call me Simon. Only my students have to use my last name so I can pretend I have their respect.”

She chuckles. “Okay, Simon. It’s no wonder Jeremy says you’re his favourite teacher.”

Well, I don’t need an ego stroke (at least that’s what I tell myself), but...it’s nice. I nod with a humble smile. “Good to know.”

Jeremy runs up, wearing his bright red power rangers backpack. “Ready.”

“Awesome. Say goodbye to Mr. Snow.”

Jeremy gives me a big, full arm wave. “Bye bye, Mr. Snow.”

I tousle his hair, making him giggle. “Bye, Jeremy. See you Monday.”

“See you!” He grabs Caroline’s hand and literally skips away with her. Honestly, I’ve never seen him this happy outside of class. He usually hangs his head and slumps off after hanging around in the cubby area for as long as possible. I know the patter well. It's what I used to do before I went to Watford, when I was stuck in shitty group homes. I hope Caroline gets custody. Jeremy deserves to be happy.

Slowly but surely, I collect all my stuff, from my snot covered jacket to my book bag. I look at my phone, and see a few texts from Baz.

Baz [16:56] Hey, just wanted to reassure you that I’m not upset, I understand. I’ll get another day off eventually.

Baz [18:30] I’ve got some takeout, it’s lovely. I’ll save some for you the next time you come over ❤️

Baz [19:18] I’m going to bed soon. Hope Jeremy gets to his aunt’s safe. Good night, love.

I sigh, my heart feeling like a lead balloon. I absolutely need to make this up to him. I’ll figure something out when my brain isn’t so exhausted. For now, I can at least text him back.

Simon [19:23] Sleep well, love. I’ll talk to you in the morning ❤️

Baz doesn’t reply. He’s probably asleep. Probably...

I walk home with my shoulders slumped and feeling like an utter, utter twat.

———————————————

“I’m a dick,” I groan.

“You’re not a dick,” Penny says. “You did the right thing and kept a student safe. That makes you an incredible teacher.”

“And a crap boyfriend.” I throw my cookie dough on the counter a little too hard. It makes an awful splat noise.

“Well, maybe, but Baz has bailed because of his work as well. And he said he understood.”

I grumble as I roll out little balls between my hands. Baking always helps me calm down. Well, usually. Right now I’m close to crushing each one. “Yeah, I guess, but I still feel super bad.”

“Well, take him out on his next day off.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle darkly, “that’ll probably be in about two or three months.”

Penny sighs, sounding just as defeated as I feel. “That fucking sucks. I can’t believe his schedule is really that insane.”

“He works himself to the bone, because he’s a great doctor and he’s going to be a great psychiatrist. It just means we don’t get a lot of time together, but it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine. Both of you need to carve out more time for each other. You’re not the only one who is having issues, Si.”

“Yeah, but like, he can’t help but work more. Being a doctor is more demanding than being a teacher. He doesn’t have control of his hours.”

“Neither do you!” She’s practically yelling. “Being a good teacher means going above and beyond for your students. Therefore, you have to put in extra hours if you want your students to have a great education.”

I make a semi agreement noise. My non-verbal way of saying she may have a point but I don’t like it. “Okay, maybe. But Baz doesn’t deserve to be neglected because of it.”

“Of course he doesn’t, Si, which is why you have to make time for him. And he has to do the same for you if you want this relationship to work.”

“I know you’re right, Pen, I just don’t know how.”

There’s a small pause, and I can imagine Pen stroking her chin like the old scholar she is in spirit. It’s comforting to think of. Penny thinking was a staple of the best parts of my childhood.

“What time is it where you are?” she asks.

I look down at my watch. “Uh, about 11?”

“Good. Finish what you’re baking, bring it to the hospital, surprise Baz with home baked treats. Then see if you can get Baz to go to lunch with you. If not, at least give him something to eat during his insane shift. Try to talk to him or ask him to talk about all this later. Sound doable?”

I’m grinning so wide it threatens to dislodge my earbuds. “Yeah, definitely sounds doable. Thanks, Pen.”

“No problem. Si. Now can I run this new lesson plan by you?”

“Absolutely, go ahead.”

Penny starts rattling off her curriculum points while I throw the cookies in the oven. And for the first time today, I feel good. I feel hopeful. It’s nice. I’ve missed it.

———————————————

UCLH is a towering, intimidating giant of white metal and panes of glass. It’s hard to not feel freaked out looking at it. Anytime I went to the hospital as a kid it was because of a fight at the group home or injuries from particularly awful foster parents. There was never a good reason to be here. Until now, that is.

From what I remember, Baz said he would be on psychiatry today. Problem is, I have no idea where the fuck that is. I can barely navigate my tiny school. This is an entirely different, far more sterile beast. I walk to the front desk where a man with big round glasses and very cool arm tattoos is sitting.

“Hi,” I say cheerily as possible.

“Hello,” he replies with a perfect, pearly white smile and a thick American accent. “How can I help you today?”

“Uh, I’m looking for the psychiatry wing? Specifically for Dr. Grimm-Pitch.”

“Okay. Are you a patient...?

“No, no, I’m his boyfriend. Got some stuff to drop off for him if he’s not too busy.” I hold up the Christmas tupperware filled with raspberry and white chocolate chip cookies. They’re Baz’s favourite.

The man’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, you’re Basil’s boyfriend?”

“Yeah, last time I checked,” I chuckle.

“Wow. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Shepard, from Omaha, Nebraska.”

He holds out his hand, and I of course shake it. “Nice to meet you, Shepard from Omaha, Nebraska. I’m Simon, from uh, Lancashire, I guess.”

“Good too meet you too, man.” He leans his cheek on his hand. “Y’know, Basil has mentioned you exist a couple times, but won’t say anything else no matter how much I beg him.”

I shrug with a smile. “He’s a private person.”

“Yeah, but if I were dating you, I’d be bragging about it.”

Well, now my face must look utterly ridiculous. I’m twenty five years old and blushing from one compliment. “T-Thanks, wow. You’re pretty forward.”

He throws his head back laughing. “Nah, just blunt, man. And way too nosy, at least according to your boyfriend. Says I have some sort of anxiety fueled need to overshare and figure out everything about people."

"That...sounds odd."

Shepard shrugs. "Pretty sure it's made up. Besides, I already have two therapists. Don't need a third one." He laughs, and I laugh along with him. Thought part of me is truly concerned about him. Hope he's okay, he seems nice. "Anyway, I hope Basil is less intense outside of work than here.”

“Most of the time, yeah. He’s got his softer side, just has trouble showing it.”

“Believe it when I see it. Also,” he hands me a pamphlet, “psychiatry is on the fifth floor. Take the south elevator up and turn to the right. Basil should be at the front desk. Said he had patient files to sort all day.”

“Awesome, thanks.” I take out a cookie and hold it out to him. “Here, you can have this, unless you’re allergic to berries, gluten, or dairy.”

“Nope. I will happily take that.” He plucks it from my hand. “Thanks, man. Tell Basil I say hi, and I still have his pen.”

“Will do, thanks!”

He waves me off with half the cookie already in his mouth. Interesting guy. I may have to come back to talk to him more.

I follow Shepard’s instructions as best I can. Though I get lost trying to find the elevators, twice. The halls twist and turn and loop back in on themselves. Seriously, who designed this hospital, Willy Wonka? Eventually I finally make it to the elevators and suffer in the sanitizer smelling tube for five floors. The psychiatry floor itself isn’t too bad, just kind of bland. Lots of blank grey walls and inoffensive paintings of scenic nature. And it’s pretty straight forward compared to the first floor. I just have to walk down the hall, turn at the “front desk” sign, and there will be-

I freeze in place. There’s Baz, with some redheaded guy leaning on his desk.

“Come on, Basil, you can’t be serious,” he says in a smooth, beautiful voice. “I’d totally shag Dr. Mayer over Dr. Dehnavi. Mayer has such polished charm.”

“Hm, I prefer a more ruggish look,” Baz replies with a half smile. “And Dehnavi gets that wonderful five o’clock shadow after a day of rounds.”

“True, very true. Not so hot when he’s yelling about oral board prep.”

Baz lets out a laugh, shaking his head. Wisps of black hair fall in his face. He looks at the redhead with a sly smile. “Well, I haven’t gotten to that point yet. But I do get an earful about SSRI dosage levels.”

“Oh lord, you’re giving me baby doctor flashbacks, stop. I’m scared Dr. D is going to be on the other side to yell our asses into submission.”

They laugh together, and redhead moves closer to Baz, their hands nearly touching. My heart drops to the ground and burrows into the centre of the fucking Earth.

Baz looks at ease, content, and most of all, this guy seems to understand what the hell he’s talking about. Definitely more than I ever have. And he’s super bloody attractive. And he’s there, like I haven’t been. Fuck. Deep down, I thought this was going to happen, but it’s still ripping me apart. Baz has found someone better. I’m just the stupid poor orphaned kid he had a crush on in school. Now he’s gotten those old feelings out of his system and he’s found someone, another doctor no less, who can easily be a better boyfriend. Bloody hell, I’m about to cry. I need to go, right now.

I quietly and quickly get away. Going back through the hospital is a blur. And not just because my eyes are filled with tears and fogging up my glasses. My brain is a jumbled, heartbroken mess that can’t focus on anything. I think Shepard waves at me as I walk past but I can’t bring myself to respond right now. I don’t stop moving until I throw myself into my car, tossing the cookies on the front seat.

Finally, I have to stop. And worse I have to think. So, Baz has found a new guy. Some pretty red haired doctor who makes him laugh with doctor humour and probably doesn’t bail. He’s probably going to break up with me today. I should just break up with him, save him the hassle...

I’m gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. My cheeks are raw from wiping tears away. I think about losing Baz, losing a chance to make things better, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. A small part of me thought that maybe Baz was it. That he was the person I could actually, possibly spend the rest of my life with. Maybe it was a stupid thought. I was so stupid.

My head falls forward, forehead pressed against the wheel. And I just cry.

———————————————

I’ve called in sick for a week. I’ve never called in for that long, not once in my teaching career. But I can’t get off my couch, let alone leave my flat. I’ve been laying here for days, surrounded by takeaway wrappers, watching old Dr. Who episodes, cuddling Cherry nonstop. Penny is probably worried about me but I haven’t really been using my phone. I’ve tried to call Baz a few times, but always hang up before it starts dialing. I know I should just rip off the band-aid already. But I’m a coward, I guess. I’ll just lay here, waiting for Baz to call me and finally dump me. Every time I think about it, I still cry a little.

The phone rings and my heart gets so tight I can hardly breathe. Fuck, this is it. I slowly lift it up. But it’s not Baz’s photo I see, or Penny’s. Rather, it’s Agatha’s, grinning with her soft California tan. I press talk right away.

“Hello?” I say

“Oh thank god,” Agatha sighs, “you’re alive. We were all sure you’d been in a horrible accident or something!”

“Um, no, I’m fine, just a little under the weather.”

“Then why haven’t you been answering your fucking texts, you arse?!”

I move the phone away from my ear slightly to avoid hearing loss. “I told you, I’ve been sick. Haven’t felt like responding...”

“Okay, that excuse could work on Baz or even Penny, but I’m not buying it. Cut the crap, Simon, what’s wrong?”

I sigh, running a hand over my face. Well, she’s here, and I’m too tired to make up another lie. “Baz is breaking up with me.”

“What?!” I move the phone again. Agatha is going to make me go partially deaf in one phone call. “That dickhead! I- Wait, what do you mean is?”

“Well, uh...he hasn’t dumped me yet...”

Agatha takes a pause. I can imagine her expression right now. Probably a lot of confusion mixed with disbelief. “Okay, please explain this to me, because I’m so lost.”

I sit up, scratching the back of my neck. “Well, um, Baz and I have been having issues meeting up for the past month. Things kept happening. Baz had this wonderful date planned after three weeks of not seeing each other. But then a kid from my class needed someone to stay with him because his stupid parents wouldn’t show up and we had to wait for someone else. So I cancelled and Baz said he understood but I still felt awful. Then the next day I was going to bring him cookies to say sorry, but when I got there, I saw him chatting with this redhead doctor. And I realised Baz had found someone better. Hoped it wouldn't happen but yeah, he’s going to break up with me. Just waiting for him to call or come over. I’d do it myself but I’m too much of a wimp.”

There’s a long drawn out silence. The only sounds are the California waves on Aggie’s end and Cherry meowing for attention on mine. More than ever, I wish I was a mind reader. I want to know what’s going through her head. It’s probably less muddled than mine.

“Simon,” she says slowly, “I need you to know that I’m only saying this because I love you very, very much. This all comes from a place of caring.”

“Uh...okay?” Now I really need to know what’s in her head. But I think I’m about to find out.

Agatha takes a few deep breaths, and then, well...explodes. “You absolute, goddamn fucking numpty! You’re seriously throwing away objectively the best relationship you’ve ever had because you saw him chit chatting with some redheaded twat!? For Christ’s sake, Simon, this is beyond idiotic and self destructive!”

“Hey I-”

“Shush, Simon!” I shut my mouth. “I get you have some serious self esteem issues, Si, but what happened to acknowledging and dealing with them? You are not a warm body for Baz until he finds someone ‘better.’ He’s been pining after you since bloody Watford and being with you is his dream come true. I know because he’s told me so!”

My cheeks flush a little. “R-Really?”

“Yes, really! He adores you, Si, he thinks you hung the bloody moon. In no world would he just up and dump you!”

“I-I mean, yeah, but like, I’ve been an awful boyfriend lately. I wouldn’t blame him if he did...”

“You really think Basilton Pitch, king of overthinking and future psychiatrist, would dump you without first trying to talk?”

“Um, well, I can see your point.”

“Good. I promise you, Simon, he doesn’t want to break up with you. But if you don’t talk to him soon, it may be too late. So get your arse in gear and get your guy. Or I’ll come from all the way across a continent and an ocean just to smack you upside the head.”

I chuckle softly. Huh, this is the first time that’s happened in awhile. Feels good to laugh. “Okay, will do. Thank you, Ags.”

“You’re very welcome, Si. Please send me an update later so I know you’re okay? And Penny too so she doesn’t blow a gasket.”

“I promise. Talk to you later?”

“Talk to you later, Simon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

The second my phone is off, I jump up. I’m invigorated with new energy, both happy and terrified. I may have just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me because I’m insecure as fuck. I’ve got to fix it. Before it’s too late.

I pick up all the takeaway containers at lightning speed. They don’t all fit into my trash though (God that’s sad), so I have to get a new trash bag. At least I don’t have a depression nest anymore. That’s a good start. Next step, I run to the shower. I smell fucking ripe. No way I can apologize while smelling like the bottom of a McDonald’s dumpster. Thank every god that I still have some hot water left. I scrub quickly and furiously until I stop feeling so gross.

I jump out and go to my room. Unfortunately, I haven’t done my laundry in a week either. The only things I have are a baggy pair of jeans and one of Baz’s shirts. It’s soft cream with flower buds on it. For all his dark brooding, Baz has a thing for florals. It smells like him, cedar and bergamot with a hint of hospital antiseptic. I put it on.

I’m halfway through the buttons when I hear my door open and close. What the fuck? Who’s here? Who has a key?

“Snow?” Baz’s voice calls out. “Simon, are you here?”

Oh. Oh shit. I dash out of my room, shirt still half open. I even slide on my laminate floor like a cartoon character. Baz is standing in my entryway. And he looks like a total mess. His hair is disheveled, there are huge dark circles under his eyes, and he’s got close to an actual honest to god beard. We just stare at each other way too long. Until I can find my words again.

“Baz,” I stutter. “Hi. W-What are you-”

“Oh thank god.” He runs forward and throws his arms around me in the tightest hug I’ve ever felt. “You’re alive. I thought you were dead or in a coma or-” He pulls back. His eyebrows are all scrunched up. “Is that my shirt?”

My face starts to heat up. “Um, uh, yeah. Didn’t have anything else. I was going to see you. What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

He scoffs, but it’s with a smile. “No, not really, I’ve been worried sick all week. You weren’t answering my texts or Bunce’s. I was scared shitless. I came here because it was my last resort.” He pushes back my hair, rubbing his thumbs along my temple. It’s downright tender. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.” His hands move to my shoulders. “Where did you go?”

“I, uh-” I hang my head. “I-I did something dumb. And I got super sad and I didn’t know what to do. So I was just here a lot...”

His eyes grow wide. “You were here at your apartment? All week?”

“Um, yeah...”

He steps back and blinks. His face is just blank, and honestly it’s more freaky than him panicking. “You’ve been home alone all week, and didn’t tell me?” I nod slowly. That blank face suddenly morphs into unbridled anger. “What the fuck, Snow?! You couldn’t take two seconds to text me back to let me know you’re bloody alive?!”

“I-I didn’t know you texted.”

“Check your phone!”

I scramble over to my couch and scoop up my phone. I haven’t looked at my notifications out of fear. Oh...oh fuck. 53 missed text messages, and 42 are from Baz. My stomach feels like it’s full of rocks. I really am the worst.

“Oh god,” I say, voice very strained. “I’m so sorry, Baz, I was just so caught up in my shit, I wasn’t checking my phone-”

“Obviously.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “Why did you come to my work?”

My eyes go very wide and my body becomes very stiff. “Wait, you saw me there?”

“No, but Shepard came to talk to me the next day. He asked if my boyfriend was alright because he ran out looking upset. I was surprised he knew who my boyfriend was, and even more so that you were there. So why were you at UCLH and talk to me?”

“Uh, I wanted to talk to you and say sorry for standing you up. B-But when I came, you were um, talking to this guy...” I curl in myself, rubbing my arm. “And I freaked out because I thought after I fucked up the date you’d found someone better and...were going to dump me.”

I look up, and Baz’s jaw is wide open. He drags his hands down his face. “Oh my god, Simon,” he groans, “after all the time we’ve spent together, I can’t believe you still think that low of me.”

“N-No! I don’t!”

“You thought I would dump you after six months together because of a cancelled date? Which you cancelled to help a neglected child?! I’m not a monster, Snow, I’d never do that.”

“Y-Yeah, I know, Baz. It’s just...” I rub the back of my neck. “When I saw you with him, it made all this shit come up and I totally panicked-”

“I understand that, Simon. But it was one conversation with another guy! Why did you ghost me instead of just talking?”

He sounds less angry, more desperate than anything. But it makes me feel even worse. “Because...because I got scared and anxious and I hated seeing it so much...yeah.”

Baz’s mouth is a thin line. “That’s not a real answer, Snow. Why on Earth did you think the worst of me instead of trying to talk?”

“It’s not about you!” I shout desperately. All the words are so muddled up, I can’t get them out. It’s not Baz’s fault, my brain is just being so unhelpful right now. I wasn’t ready for this talk, fuck.

“What does that mean? You stopped talking to me because you thought I was bloody cheating on you! How is this not about me in some capacity?!”

“I didn’t think you were cheating! I just- I thought- I just got so freaked out because I didn’t want to lose you-”

“You weren’t going to lose me!”

“But I thought I was and that scared me so much because I- well, I-”

“Because what, Snow?!”

“Because I love you, you massive arsehole!”

The room goes absolutely, perfectly silent. Baz’s lips have fallen wide open. I inhale sharply. Oh God, did I really just say that out loud? I clap a hand over my mouth and look down, trying to get my breathing under control. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m such an idiot. Baz is going to dump me for sure. Adores me or not, I’ve probably scared him off. My hand falls down.

“I’m so sorry, Baz,” I say softly. “I-I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out-”

“Did you mean it?” I lift my eyes up slightly. I expect Baz to look horrified, angry, maybe even disgusted. But instead he looks...kind of awestruck? His eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them before. I think about lying, but I don’t think he’s upset. And I have a feeling that if I lie he will be. I think I need to stop hiding my feelings from Baz.

“Yeah. I did.”

His lips fall open even more. And I swear, he’s smiling a little. My heart is beating faster. “Seriously? You...you love me? In love with me?”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my racing mind. I nod and take a small step forward. Not crowding Baz, but getting closer. “Yeah. I'm in love with you, Baz. I-I know it’s too soon, but I can’t help-”

Baz cuts me off with the most intense, head spinning, world shaking kiss of my life. He presses the small of my back with one hand and grabs my curls with the other. I literally stumble backwards from it. Baz takes the chance to press me against my hallway wall. Like he’s shielding from the world with his own body. He’s kissing me so hard, so passionately, and I can’t help but melt.

Is this Baz’s way of saying he loves me too? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care. This is heavenly to the Nth degree. I’m good at turning off my brain when needed. So that’s exactly what I do.

I push back against Baz with equal force. He groans so deeply it makes me shudder. I grip his face tight, pushing my fingers through his tangled but still soft hair. He drags his tongue along my bottom teeth, slowly and carefully. I nearly melt into a puddle. We’ve never kissed like this before. Even our most intense snogging sections don’t come close. It’s like Baz is trying to touch and grab every part of me but can’t decide which. I don’t mind. He can have it. I’d give him all that I am and more. I’d tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber.

Baz runs his hands down my thigh. I can feel the heat through my trackies. He hooks under one of my knees, pulling it up. I think I get the message. (I hope). I jump, fully prepared to fall flat on my arse, but Baz catches me easily. I wrap my legs around his waist while he holds me up above him. Christ, he’s strong. It’s so hot. And I love this angle, because I can snog the life out of him more easily. This is amazing. But I still want more.

I pull off his mouth (sadly), just enough so I can speak. “Bed?”

Baz just nods and kisses me again. He pulls us off the wall. He barely stumbles as he walks us through my flat. I scramble to unbutton his shirt. I know Baz is really into this because he’s making no fuss about me possibly ruining his clothes. Soon enough, we stumble into my bedroom. Baz quickly kicks the door shut, cutting off the rest of the world, and I don’t mind one bit.

———————————————

Baz and I roll apart solely because we need to breathe. Our chests are heaving. My blankets and sheets are completely tangled around us. I’m more sweaty than the one time I tried to go to a cross fit class. However, this was a way better workout. I’m glad I kept all those supplies in my nightstand.

So, now I know what sex with Baz is like. It’s sweaty, vigorous, a little awkward, and so, so incredible. Pretty sure my brains have been thoroughly fucked out. It takes me a few panting moments for me to muster up a singular word.

“Wow,” I say. My voice is really hoarse, but I absolutely don’t mind.

Baz lets out a small laugh. His voice sounds rough too. It’s really hot. “Still very eloquent.”

“Fuck off.” I lightly push his sweaty shoulder. But when I start to pull back, Baz grabs my wrist and tugs me towards him. Before I know it, Baz is kissing me again. It’s soft, slow but so unbelievably hot. I completely melt into his arms. He’s so warm and strong and I could spend an eternity wrapped up in him. No more work or life, just Baz and I in this bed forever. My god that would be a dream come true.

He pulls off to kiss across my cheeks, then down my neck. He already knows the exact spots that drive me insane. (Well, Baz has always been a quick study.) My eyes flutter closed. I’m falling into that haze again, where my head gets foggy and I can only think in “yes” and “please” and “more.” Part of me wants to sink back into that bliss, but the aching of my out of shape muscles is unfortunately more insistent.

“Baz,” I whisper, “as much as I would like a fourth round, I’d also like to be able to walk tomorrow.”

Baz groans, but relents and rolls onto his back. We settle for just staring at each other. I don’t mind. Baz is always gorgeous but he is a different kind of beautiful right now. His face is all flushed, pupils blown wide, black hair plastered to his damp forehead. And I thought I couldn’t get more attracted to him.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, absolutely.” I cup his face, running a thumb on his cheekbone. “You?”

“I’m bloody fantastic.” He spreads his fingers out on my side, tracing the most delicate patterns that make me shudder. “Can’t believe I was so scared of this.”

My heart beats faster as my eyebrows scrunch up. “Scared? Of what? Me? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, Snow. I wasn’t scared of you, not at all.” He sighs and pulls me a little bit closer. “I just built up sex with you so much in my head that it became overwhelming. I was terrified of fucking it up after wanting it for so long.”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it from the start too. Six months of sexual tension really mess with your head.”

He chuckles. I like the way his breath hits my skin. “Simon, love, I first fantasised about sleeping with you when we were 15.”

I was already flushed, but now I’m on fire. It’s a miracle I’m not a pile of ash right now. I flap my mouth open and closed like a fish for too long. Baz just smiles at me like I’m beautiful or something, not a total deer in the headlights.

“R-Really?” I finally get out. “That long?!”

“Mhm. I told you, Snow, I figured out I wanted you in fifth year. Puberty was a bloody nightmare with you right across the room.” We laugh quietly together. But I genuinely feel bad for Baz. I hold the back of his head, running my fingers through his soft hair.

“I’m sorry you went through that, love. Must’ve been awful.”

Baz sighs, putting his hand on mine. “Thank you. At least things worked out in the end." He pecks the tips of my fingers. "I’m glad we finally did this. Real life was far better than any fantasy.”

I kiss the corner of his smile. He giggles, so small and adorable, something I never would’ve thought Baz was capable of until six months ago. I’m so happy. And my heart sinks, thinking about how this was almost over because I was so insecure.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, and Baz’s face becomes much more serious. “I-I’m sorry that I vanished without telling you. That was immature and dumb. And I’m sorry for scaring you. I promise I won’t ever do that again.”

Baz nods slowly, mouth twisting from side to side. He brings our hands between us, holding me tight. “I accept your apology. Just, what happened, love? I’m still not sure what you meant.”

Well, I knew this was coming. Doesn’t make it any easier. I clutch him hard, like I’m scared he’ll go. But if the last hour or two means anything, I don’t think he will. Still, I hold him tight.

“That’s a long story,” I sigh.

Baz presses his lips to the back of my hand. It’s firm and comforting. “You can tell me. It’s okay.”

I carefully roll onto my back. Baz goes onto his side, propping his head up with his free arm. We keep our hands together. I really can’t let go of him right now.

“I meant it when I said it wasn’t about you,” I say. “It’s really not. I don’t think you’re a terrible person who would dump or cheat on me. It’s more that...that I was scared and felt worthless. Part of me has always felt worthless, unlovable. Sometimes my brain is like ‘your own parents didn’t want you, why would anyone else?’”

“Simon-”

“You don’t need to tell me it’s not true, Baz, I know. Most of me does, anyway. But sometimes that mean voice gets louder, and it’s been louder lately. Not because of you, not really. It’s because I think you’re incredible and brilliant and that mean voice kept telling me ‘why the hell is he with you? He’s way too good for you. He’ll find someone better.’ And after weeks of missed dates and the whole dinner fiasco, it got worse. Then when I saw you with the other doctor I guess the anxiety just took over. And I just sort of shut down.”

Baz moves closer. “I’m sorry, that’s horrible.”

“Thanks.” I sigh and run a hand through my tangled hair, like I’m trying to pull the stress out of myself. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this. I didn’t want to dump all my shit on you. It’s a lot to deal with and I should deal with it on my own, not pull you in.”

“Simon,” Baz says firmly, holding himself above me, “you can absolutely pull me into your shit. I want to know everything you’re worried and scared about, so I can be there to help if you want. You never have to hide anything because I love every single part of you, no matter how insecure or sad.”

I stare at him for too long. My heartbeat is roaring in my ears. Slowly, a smile stretches out across my face. “You love me?”

Baz’s face pulls together in confusion, and for a moment I’m scared he’s going to take it back, because I’m not worth it. But then I push that fear down because Baz cares about me. He’s shown that again and again. I'm not unworthy of his love.

“Did I not say it?” he says, genuinely surprised and concerned.

“I mean, maybe, but things were a bit...chaotic before.” My eyes flick over to our rumpled clothing strewn across my room. It honestly looks like a tornado somehow hit both a Primark and a Topshop. Baz laughs with a nod.

“Okay, good point. Let me correct that then.” He delicately holds my chin, making sure our eyes meet. Black hair surrounds his face like a dark halo. His deep sea eyes sparkle with his gorgeous smile. Everything about him is absolutely stunning. “I love you, Simon Snow. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, because you are the most kind, most caring, most wonderful man I’ve ever known. You are not a holding place or my second choice. Got that?”

I nod very vigorously. I can’t speak right now, my throat is too filled up with all my emotions for words. I wipe my snot and tears with the back of my hand. Extremely unsexy. God I’m a mess. But Baz still looks at me like I’m the most gorgeous thing in the world, because he loves me, imperfections and all.

“Don’t cry, love,” Baz chuckles, “it’s okay.”

“Just overwhelmed,” I say, still sniffling, “and happy. I love you too.”

Baz kisses my forehead. “I know, and I’m very happy as well.” He tucks his head into the crook of my neck. “Not to get all psychiatrist, but these issues of hidden insecurities and fear we both have are going to reoccur if we don’t communicate more.”

I nod, rubbing the arm he has across my chest. “Yeah, I agree.”

“Good.” He rolls slightly, chin placed on my shoulder. “In the name of communication then, I think not seeing each other for weeks on end isn’t good for us. We need to try to meet in person more.”

“Yeah, definitely. I think not seeing you for a while made my anxiety get worse. Thought you would dump me because it was too hard for us to meet up.”

“Honestly,” Baz sighs, “I felt something similar. Not as badly as you, I think, but still not fun. The self deprecating part of me wondered when you would finally get sick of my insane schedule and break up with me. I’m not exactly the easiest person to date. Or the easiest person, period.”

I laugh quietly and tug him closer. "Me neither, love."

Baz smiles all the way to his ears. He kisses me firmly, making my head spin, before pulling me away just as quickly. Our noses stay pressed together. “Suppose we match then, love.”

I throw my arms around his neck. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning. “And you like that?”

“I love it.”

“Me too.” I press against his back, reveling in his warm, smooth skin. “I promise to make more time for you. I want this to work. ”

Baz kisses a mole on my cheek. “So do I. I’m in this for the long haul, Simon.”

“Good, because I’m not letting you go.”

“I would love nothing more.”

I grab Baz’s head and smash our mouths together again. Baz instantly returns it, holding me tight. His body is a warm blanket on top of me, protecting me from anything bad in the world. Yeah, I could spend the rest of my life with Baz. I want that so much. Our snogging gets more intense. And each of us can definitely feel our mutual arousal pressed against our thighs.

Baz pulls off my mouth, but only a little. “What happened to needing to walk tomorrow?”

I shrug with a sly smile. “Eh, who needs walking? You can just carry me everywhere.”

He grins once before kissing me hard. I’m truly a lucky guy. And it’s incredible that Baz thinks the same. I’m living a charmed life.

———————————————

Three months later

“Y’know,” I pant, “you could help.”

Baz looks up from his phone, one eyebrow propped up. “Who carried all your KitchenAid hardware to our new place?”

“Okay, yeah, but that was down the hall, not up four flights of stairs.” I drop another box of books and breathe heavily.

“That mixer was very heavy.”

“Baz.”

He lets out a very dramatic groan, making a show of hanging his head over the back of Penny’s settee. “Fine. I’ll help.”

I don’t miss the joking glint in his eyes. Arsehole. He just likes making a show of it. He kisses my cheek on the way out. I slap his arse, making him yelp, but his smirk tells me he’s not upset at all.

“Are you two flirting?” Penny calls out from the hall. “I told you, my flat is a flirt free zone!”

“No flirting, Bunce,” Baz says. “Just some light groping on Snow’s part.”

Penny groans so loud I’m pretty sure the whole floor can hear her. She walks in with a box filled with figurines. She glares at me viciously. I throw my hands up in surrender.

“I slapped his arse, didn’t grab it.”

“That’s not much better, Si.” She places the box on the ground and puts her hands on her hips. “Focus more on moving and less on your boyfriend’s arse.”

“Aw, don’t be mad, Pen, I’m sorry.” I wrap her up in a tight hug, and she holds me just as close. She’s been doing that a lot lately. I don’t mind. “Y’know, that offer to fly to Chicago and kick Micah’s arse is still on the table.”

That finally makes her laugh. She shakes her head against my chest. “No, it’s alright. I’m mad but not really vengeful. He tried to break up with me, I just wasn’t listening to him.”

“Still not an excuse to start dating someone else.”

“Yeah, I guess," she sniffles. "Thanks for subletting your flat to me."

I kiss the top of her head. "You're very welcome, Pen. Anything for you."

She holds me tighter. I let her hang on to me. It’s the least I can do.

“After all the fuss you made about me helping,” Baz shouts, “now you’re just standing there, Snow? Really?”

I sigh and look up over Penny’s head. Baz is balancing two large boxes because he likes to show off how strong he is. But he’s being helpful, and his strength is hot, so I don’t mind.

“I am comforting my friend,” I say, tone very high and mighty and mocking.

“Yes, but avoiding work must be a plus.”

“Oh, absolutely. And teasing you.”

Penny laughs and pulls back from me, looking at Baz as he puts down the boxes. “As a psychiatrist, you think it says something that even though you’re together now, you two still bicker like in school?”

Baz tilts his head side to side, stroking his chin like a great scholar. “Probably could say something about regressing to old patterns of behaviour from when we were children. But now after time together, working out our issues, and forming better patterns of behaviour, the bickering is now a show of affection rather than true antagonism. Therefore it has transformed into a healthy relationship feature from a bad one. A rare but possible event.”

Penny blinks at him. I’m trying to hide my blush. Don’t really want Penny to know how hot I find Baz being all smart and shit. Still have no idea what he’s talking about, but now I definitely want to rip his clothes off. Penny would kill me though. Murder would not be sexy.

“God,” she chuckles, “you really are a psychiatrist.”

“Yeah he is!” Shepard stumbles in, a box wobbling precariously on his arms. “Either that or he’s a weirdo who enjoys being in a hospital all the time for some reason.” The box tips over. I run up and catch it just in time. “Oh, whoops, sorry.”

“You break it, you suffer Bunce’s wrath, Shep,” Baz says.

“Damn right you do.” Penny walks past him, leveling a look over her glasses. Shepard gulps and watches her as she goes downstairs. And he follows her to help, looking totally out of it.

A pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist. Baz rests his chin on my shoulder. “In my humble psychiatrist opinion, I think our dear American might have a little crush on Bunce.”

I chuckle, cupping his cheek. “I wouldn’t blame him. Pen is pretty awesome.”

“Oh," he says with a teasing lilt, "should I be worried that she’s living down the hall from us now?”

I scoff and roll my eyes like he does at stupid people on telly. “Should I be worried about you working with Dr. Lamb?”

Baz makes a very unattractive dry heaving sound. “Never. That backstabbing twat can go eat a bag of rusty screws. Only reason I give him the time of day is because he’s got my supervisor wrapped around his stupid finger.”

“And if you piss him off you’ll lose important psychiatry rounds, yes, yes, I know. He’s still gonna try to flirt with you.”

“Yeah, because he’s a twat. But I only want you.” He kisses a mole on my neck, his favourite one. “I love you, Simon.”

I kiss his temple. “I love you too.”

“I love you so much I’m willing to give up my lovely condo to move into your weird exposed brick hipster building.”

I scoff and turn to him, arms around his slender neck. “Wasn’t it your idea to move into a bigger place here because it’s closer to both of our workplaces?”

He smiles, kissing the tip of my nose. Bastard. I hated his teasing in school, but he’s right, now it’s out of love. Crazy, stupid, wonderful love. “Since when do you listen to me?”

“You have a good idea every once in a while.”

“How about this one?” He kisses me firmly. When he pulls back a little, my heart is beating rapidly.

“Yeah, I like that one.”

“Good.” We kiss again, soft and slow. Never before have I felt so safe and content kissing someone. Baz can hold me close and make all my worries go away. Part of me still can’t believe I get to have this. A person who adores me completely, including every single weird, flawed, stupid part too. But I have to stop thinking like that. I’m allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to be with someone so incredible. And someone so incredible can absolutely love me back. The work we've both put in to being together shows our mutual care again and again. We deserve to be happy together. It's amazing.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Baz and I pull apart to look at Penny’s glaring face. “We leave you two alone for five minutes and you’re already defiling my apartment?”

“This is still technically Snow’s flat, you know,” Baz says smoothly.

“And you don’t want to know how we’ve already defiled it.” I give the biggest shit eating grin I can.

Penny waves her hands in front of herself. “Nope, nope, I’d rather live in blissful ignorance. Also, Simon," Penny hands me an envelope, "postman came. This is for you. Thought I'd grab it before they accidentally delivered it to me."

I rip it open with ease. Inside is a paper with familiar terrible handwriting. I grin ear to ear. Baz looks over my shoulder. "What is it?"

"It's from Jeremy." I scan down the letter. Luckily I'm adept at deciphering kid writing. "He says he misses me but likes his aunt's place a lot. They garden a lot and he's playing football on a community team.:

"All sound great," Penny says, having moved to the shoulder not occupied by Baz.

"Yeah, definitely. Oh, and he's got a new kitten. And guess what he named him?"

"What?" Penny and Baz say at the same time. It's pretty hilarious but I keep myself from laughing to avoid any glares.

"Snow." I hold up a Polaroid picture of a grinning Jeremy holding a small, fluffy white cat. Both of them can't help but make awing noises.

"Adorable," Baz says. "You did a good job with that kid, Snow."

I kiss his cheek. "Thanks, love."

"I want a cat," Penny sighs. Her nose scrunches up. "Am I going to turn into a crazy cat lady?"

"Hey," I say, "you were the one who told me that was a sexist stereotype. So no, you're going to be a very sane, wonderful, brilliant cat lady." I lean closer, whispering in her ear. "And maybe, once you feel better, you can try talking to a certain American. I think he's got a thing for you."

Penny sticks her tongue out, but before she can respond, Shepard comes stumbling in with a box of china. He places it very carefully. I can see him not so subtly watching Penny out of the corner of his eye. I don't think he wants to piss her off again. “Okay, I think that’s all of it. Wow, a lot of books. Reminds me of my Mom's office back in Omaha.”

"So I remind you of your mum?" Penny asks, arms crossed over her chest. Shepard's eyes go wide. I snort into Baz's shoulder

"No! No, definitely not, I just mean...you're both super smart."

Penny scoffs. "Good answer, American. Now let's get all my books unpacked."

I groan loudly. “Come on, Pen, not today. Why don’t we go to mine and Baz’s flat and we’ll make you dinner?”

“You mean I’ll be making dinner.” Baz raises his eyebrow at me. “You can’t cook, Simon.”

“I’ve been learning!”

He sighs over dramatically. “Very well. You can chop the onions.”

“I’ll take it.” I put my arm on Penny’s shoulders. She leans into me like always. “Come on, let’s eat.”

“Can I come?” Shepard asks, beaming wide. Who could say no to that face?

“Of course! You deserve a reward for all your hard work.”

“Awesome!” He dashes up beside Pen, looking all cute. And I can see Penny smiling, just a little. I’m glad to see her happy.

I put Jeremy's letter in my pocket. It's going right on the fridge the second we get to mine and Baz’s new place. Baz takes my hand in his, weaving our fingers together. He smiles, looking at me from the corner of his eye. I feel like I could fly on the power of love alone right now.

God, I truly have an amazing life.

———————————————

Awwww stupidly in love, just how I like it. Tbh I started writing this before Wayward So came out, and after I decided I wanted to deal with their communication issues like in the book but resolve them. I'm not throwing shade, just stating an opinion, plz don't kill me lol. But I do hope you all liked it! I never planned on writing a sequel but sometimes shit works out like that. I do have another idea for a short one shot but don't hold me to that, life is pretty nuts rn and I don't have a lot of free time, hence why this took me so long. Anyway, have a good day/night y'all!

#carry on #wayward son #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #penelope bunce #shepard #lamb #established relationship #angst with a happy ending #jealous simon #communication failure #mysnowbazfic

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pietrotheavenger · 5 years

Text

learn to love

summary: steve and y/n don’t get along. now, they have to.

pairings: au!steve rogers x fem!reader

warnings: hangovers, alcohol, swearing, arguing

a/n: don’t be a silent reader!!! please leave feedback

series masterlist

the following morning, simon, sophia, and sawyer tiptoed into steve’s bedroom. y/n and him were snuggled up one side of the bed, his arm holding her close to him. her head was tucked under his chin, her face partially hidden. somehow, they slipped onto his bed without waking them, despite the fact that all of his younger siblings could not stop giggling. they grabbed the sleeping couples phones off of the bedside table and took group selfies on both devices. steve didn’t have a password, so they easily set one of the selfies taken as his lock screen and messed around on his phone. simon was taking the selfie, holding the phone at arms length and managing to fit in everyone on the bed. sophia had a wild grin and a thumbs up while sawyer scrunched up his face and stuck his tongue out. simon stuck with a classic pout. one by one, each of them fell asleep in bed, leaving steve to a surprise when he woke up.

he yawned as his eyes flitted open. the first thing he saw was sawyer’s foot in his face. he shoved it away and surveyed the scene in front of him. “what the fuck?” he murmured to himself. he had no idea how they all had pulled it off quietly. he was rubbing his eye when he noticed that he was cuddling with y/n. she was still fast asleep. he stretched out until something in his back cracked and then returned to his original position. he ran his fingers along her side until she stirred and finally woke up. “good morning,” he smiled. his voice was deep and scratchy with sleep.

“fuck off,” she responded, burying her face into his chest. he laughed as he rubbed her back. her head was throbbing.

“wake up, i’m bored.”

“shh. go back to sleep,” she mumbled.

“we have company,” he said.

she looked up at him. he had a look of serenity at his face as gazed at her. his eyes were hooded and a lazy smile played on his lips. “your eyelashes are so long,” she marveled.

his smile grew and he replied, “thank you.”

she hummed back and raised her hand to gently touch them. “soft,” she whispered. she slowly sat up, her back on the headboard as she examined the scene around her. “when did they come in?”

“i have no idea.” he wrapped his arms around her waist, his head on her stomach.

she grabbed her phone and scrolled through her notifications as she ran a hand through his hair. “you’re awfully clingy first thing in the morning,” she commented.

“fuck off,” he exhaled. he was being lulled to sleep by her motions.

she had a text from natasha from the night before. have you killed each other yet?

she took a picture of steve fast asleep in her lap, his long eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks, and sent it to her. “he’s like a koala combined with my ex boyfriend. clingy and won’t leave me alone.”

she checked her work email and social media. when she locked her phone and set it beside her, she noticed that sophia was awake.

“morning,” y/n yawned.

“good morning,” the younger girl replied. “i hope you don’t mind that we’re all in here,” she added.

“oh, it’s fine,” she waved it off. “i understand that you haven’t seen him in awhile. you want to spend every second you can while he’s still here, even if you’re both just sleeping.”

“exactly,” sophia smiled.

“steve made me drink a gallon of water before i went to sleep and now i really have to pee. but…” she trailed off and gestured to the blond, who was coiled around her.

“just shove him off,” sophia laughed.

“maybe i will,” y/n poked her tongue out and slowly began to remove his arms from around her. he stirred on tightened his grip. she groaned. “steve, i have to use the bathroom,” she said, poking his cheek. he grumbled something unintelligible back. her headache got more intense. she pinched the bridge of her nose, “i’m going to beat your ass,” she told him, without thinking. she only realized when sophia giggled. she tried to play it off by sugaring up her words. “c’mon babe.”

he pulled his arm away, and moved back onto the pillow. but, he was the one who was sleeping on the edge of the bed. she had to crawl over his body and finally she was free. she began rifling through her luggage when suddenly she remembered something.

she and steve had kissed last night.

she physically face palmed and couldn’t help but groan. luckily, sophia didn’t react. she quickly grabbed everything she needed before rushing into the bathroom, where the first thing she did was throw up into the toilet. she took a quick shower before dressing a tight fitting striped tank top, and her favorite pair of medium wash jeans. she returned to the room to put her dirty clothes back. sophia had disappeared, leaving simon to cuddle a pillow, and sawyer at the foot of the bed, somehow hoarding all of the blankets. they were both fast asleep. steve had also left the room. she found one a brown cardigan of his and pulled it on, as it was chilly in the massive house. she dusted on some light makeup before heading downstairs.

as she entered the kitchen, she pulled her hair into a scrunchie. there, she was greeted with mrs. rogers, bucky, and pietro chatting around the island. “good morning everyone,” she waved.

they all turned to look at her. “the life of the party,” bucky remarked.

“that bad, huh?” she scratched the back of her head. “i’m sorry about that-” she began but mrs. rogers cut her off.

“oh, no need for that. when i met joe’s parents, i got blackout drunk and made a fool of myself,” she shared. y/n tried not to look to shocked, but the boys reacted quite loudly, laughing and gasping in shock at the seemingly put-together woman. they tried to pry her for more information, but she would not budge. “i’ve said too much.”

“could you point me in the direction of some aspirin?” y/n asked.

“medicine cabinet,” pietro pointed to what he was referring to. “i’ve had my fair share of hangovers at chez rogers.”

“like when you boys stole beers from steve’s dad?” mrs. rogers teased.

“well, i don’t remember that,” bucky replied, sarcastically.

they continued on with the conversation as y/n snacked on a bowl of grapes. she stood at the island, lost in thought and half paying attention to the people around her. she didn’t even notice steve come in until he wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. he buried his face in her neck and inhaled deeply. she threaded her fingers into his hair and gently raked her nails over his scalp. he was freshly showered and smelled heavenly. “good morning,” he mumbled, kissing her neck before pulling away.

“morning,” she smiled at him. he slapped her butt as he walked to the cupboards to get a glass. she yelped and playfully glared at him.

bucky faked vomiting. “you both are too much,” he told them.

“stay jealous,” steve responded, blowing him a kiss.

“anyways, now that sleeping beauty is awake, i think it’s time to go,” pietro spoke up, scooting back his bar stool.

“go?” steve looked to his mom.

“brunch,” she answered. “and then, i wanna take y/n shopping,” she added.

the couple shared a look. “okay,” he dragged it out. “well, i’m starving,” he clapped his hands together.

they piled into bucky’s car and drove to whatever overpriced restaurant that the boys had in mind. they got a table outside so y/n had an excuse that wasn’t pertaining to her hangover tonwear her sunglasses. she immediately ordered a mimosa and downed half of it before settling back in her chair.

“day drinking, are we?” bucky commented.

“i’m on vacation,” she shrugged.

“take it easy,” steve told her, a bit of a warning in his words. “you being mimosa-drunk is not the best idea if you’re gonna be hanging out with my mom.”

“at least i’m not vodka-drunk,” she retorted.

“i would prefer for you to be sober,” he bit back. he took a deep breath to keep his head level and to prevent a full blown argument.

“getting drunk is the best hangover cure,” pietro piped up.

she raised her glass and said, “cheers, i’ll drink to that,” and threw back the rest of it. she flagged down a waitress and ordered another one.

needless to say, she was a bit tipsy and slurring her words when they returned to his house. steve made her drink loads of water before attempting to tell her to lay down on the couch. “i don’t need you fucking drunk around my mom,” he hissed at her.

“cuddle me,” she pouted.

“will you lay down?” he asked, hands on his hips. he’d managed to get to sit down on the couch, but he wanted her to rest before going out again.

“if you cuddle me,” she reached her hands out for him. he sighed and took her hands, settling into the couch and pulling her into his side. she laid her head on his chest, closing her eyes. “i’m sorry i keep getting drunk. i don’t know how to cope,” she said quietly.

he trailed his hand up and down her back, collecting his thoughts for a moment before saying, “don’t feel bad.”

“i do,” she responded immediately. “i feel like i’m gonna blow everything.”

“hm, i trust you,” he hummed.

“i don’t like you very much, but you’re a good cuddler,” she spoke while yawning. “got me falling asleep.”

“i’ll add it to my résumé,” he chuckled. he looked down at her just as she looked up at him.

“i broke the contract last night,” she said in a hushed tone.

“i know, babe,” he whispered back. “we still have other rules to break.”

“no, we’re not gonna break the contract, again,” she insisted.

“what even were the rules?”

“no kissing, no posting on social media, no being an asshole, and no falling in love,” she rattled them off.

“we’ve got three more rules. three out of four is pretty good if you ask me.”

“no more breaking rules,” she insisted before drifting off.

“no more breaking rules,” he echoed. he stared off into space, letting his thoughts wander. he flinched when his mom called his name. his eyes flitted to the clock in the corner of the room. half an hour had paused. “in here!” he responded.

she entered, her purse in hand, saying, “have you seen y/n?” she paused when she saw the couple on the couch, a smile slowly creeping onto her face. “so cute,” she whispered, pressing her hand to her chest.

steve hummed back, looking down at the sleeping girl in his arms. he brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. “do you want me to wake her up?” he asked, not looking away.

“we can just go when she wakes up,” she answered. “i can get the laundry done in the meantime,” she added, breezing out of the room.

y/n sighed in her sleep, bringing her hand up to his chest and clenching a fistful of his shirt. he smiled to himself and thought, oh fuck me. he was catching feelings.

his mom managed to drag him into going on the shopping trip. sophia willingly tagged along. for the entirety of the outing, he acted coldly towards y/n. he opened doors and held her purse when she went into the fitting rooms, but he stood off by himself. at one point, mrs. rogers had told y/n, “oh, you can call me sarah.” she had looked to him, her face giddy but he didn’t even bat an eyelash at her.

eventually, she had to approach him. “steve? is everything okay?” she put her hand on his bicep.

“i’m fine,” he brushed away her touch.

“are you sure?”

“yes.”

“i don’t think you’re fine,” she pried. she took a step closer and he took a step back. that hit like a dagger in her heart. “steve,” she said, her voice cracking with hurt.

“just fuck off, y/n,” he told her, shrugging.

“why can’t you just talk to me?”

“why can’t you just fucking leave me alone? jesus,” he scoffed. “i can’t get a goddamn break from you.”

“you don’t need to get pissy with me. if you think i’m being too much, then tell me.”

“well then, you’re being too much. will you shut up, now?” he crossed his arms over his chest.

“you’re being an asshole,” she said through gritted teeth. there was a hint of warning in her tone.

“well, i guess that’s just another broken rule,” he smiled coldly at her.

“fuck you,” she spat, before turning away and stalking off.

his shoulders dropped and he rubbed his hand over his face. he exhaled a long breath. this trip was going to be a lot more difficult than he thought.

infinity tags:

@ssweet-empowerment ; @stardustandbucky ; @abuckyrogersworld ; @freightcarcap ; @c-a-v-a-l-r-y ; @coffeebooksandfandom ; @somethingmoreclever ; @2dreamcatcher8 ; @illegalportkey ; @fuckthatfeeling ; @xxashy999xx ; @buckybarneshairpullingkink ; @tuliptx ; @wwhitewwolff ; @thisismysecrethappyplace ; @appreciating-chase-brody ; @renanyx ; @maladaptive-ninja-returns ; @marvelrose ; @sophiealiice ; @dreamsfollowed99 ; @galacticstxrdust ; @fitzsimmons-is-forever ; @dumblani ; @i-padfootblack-things ;

learn to love tags:

@youunravelme ; @cailin-lefantasy ; @thatoneslytherinbeater ; @i-padfootblack-things ; @clockworkherondale ; @clean-and-claire ; @tits-out-for-cevans ; @evverything-plus-anything ; @denzmallows ; @ibxxmc-blog ; @pinknerdpanda ;

#steve rogers #chris evans #captain america #steve rogers x reader #chris evans x reader #captain america x reader #enemies to lovers #slow burn #fake dating #au #marvel #fan fiction

254 notes · View notes

creampuffqueen · 4 years

Text

Built by Love

Word Count: 2008

So, I like this one. Somone requested a fic of Simon and Hugh being the best grandparents, so here it is! It starts out funny, but it grows sappy fast, so be prepared, lol.

I hope you enjoy!

~~~~

“I’m home!” Nova’s voice echoed through the house as she stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. When nobody answered her, she started getting suspicious.

Eleven kids- and not a single peep from any of them. It was Saturday, why were they all gone? She drifted through the house confusedly, calling for her kids.

No answer. Not a giggle from a baby, or a bark from a dog, or the sound of a toy being played with. She found herself at her bedroom door, looking for her husband.

“Hello, darling.” Adrian mumbled from the bed, voice muffled as he tried to speak with a rose in his mouth. Nova burst out laughing.

“Adrian- what-” She could hardly speak through her fit of laughter.

He pulled the rose from his mouth with a grin. “My dads have taken all the kids for the night.”

“No way.”

“Yes. All of them. And the dog.”

“I-” Nova sputtered for words. “Did you give them everything they needed?”

Adrian nodded. “Lyra’s melatonin pills, everyone’s got pajamas and their lovies, I sent them with an entire pack of pacifiers for the boys, pull-ups, diapers, everything. I’ve got it all planned out.”

“Why did you send them all away?” She asked. Not that she was objecting, of course. She sat on the bed and wrapped her arms around Adrian’s shoulders.

“Because I realized we haven’t had a real date in like… four years. Literal years. Movie nights and wine on the couch don’t count.”

“True.” Nova mused. “So, my dear husband, what else have you planned for us tonight?”

“A dinner at the fanciest restaurant we can reasonably afford has been reserved. And then if we’re up to it, a night on the town.”

“A night on the town?” She asked. “Aren’t we a bit old for that now?”

“My star, neither of us are even forty years old yet. I think a night on the town is just our style.”

“Alright.” Nova conceded. “I’ll go get dressed. Hell, I don’t think I’ve worn a dress in literal years.”

“You’ll look beautiful no matter what.” Adrian assured her. She smiled, kissed him, and went to the closet to change.

~~~~

“This is definitely the best idea you’ve had in a while.” Simon said to his husband, holding what felt like eight children at once.

“It really is.” Hugh chuckled across the kitchen. He had two kids clinging to his back as he walked, trying to find something to feed nearly a dozen small children.

“I want pizza for dinner.” Lina complained from the kitchen island. She was sitting on top of it, legs crossed, reading a book.

“Pizza for this many people is expensive, darling.” Simon said, lowering Rose from his shoulders.

“And you two are literally the richest people in Gatlon.” Lina whined. “I want pepperoni and olives.”

“Disgusting.” Nebula snapped at her sister. “Why would you want olives on your pizza? That ruins it!”

“Yeah? Well you’re disgusting!”

Simon sighed, prying more toddlers off him, and went to break up the argument.

“Let’s have mac n’ cheese!” Caspian demanded, shoving himself between his sisters. Zander, who had been tucked against Simon’s side, squirmed until he was let down so he could tackle Nebula’s legs.

“That, Caspian, is an incredible idea.” Hugh boomed. He ruffled the boy’s hair, then finally managed to pull Lyra and Atlas off his back.

“What if we just eat ice cream for dinner?” Atlas giggled. He raced away, Lyra on his heels. Bear, the dog, yipped loudly and dashed after them.

“Ice cream is for after dinner, you know the rules.” Simon laughed. Ryland, the youngest of the kids, was in a baby carrier on his chest. River, the other twin, clung to his shoulder, brown locks falling in her face. And Garrin was in his other arm, sucking on his thumb as he surveyed the room.

“Let’s do mac n’ cheese. Everyone likes that.” Hugh conceded. He went into the pantry, and returned with three boxes of it. Lina groaned dramatically, peeling away from the group and into the living room. Zander followed her eagerly, his shaggy blond hair curling up around his ears.

Nebula smirked at Evangeline’s book left on the counter. She held it briefly, then ran into the living room, shouting about someone dying and someone getting kissed. Simon just sighed. Nebbie had the amazing ability to read books just by touching them, which meant she liked to annoy her sister by spoiling every book she read.

Simon had to put the rest of the kids down, and while River pouted at him, Garrin just ran into the other room, following the flow of kids. Caspian was leading the charge, and Simon found all of them starting a pillow fight on the couch.

He laughed and leaned against the wall, content to just watch. Atlas helped Zander smack Nebbie with a couch pillow, Lyra and Caspian were battling furiously (though he noticed how Caspian kept his blows light so as not to knock Lyra over with her balance problems), the twins were shrieking as they tackled Lina into a pile of pillows, and even Estrella was joining in.

“Grandpops! Look out!” Simon looked down just in time to see Garrin race up to him with a pillow almost the same size as the toddler, and shove it into his legs. Simon fake-shouted, going on about he’d been gravely injured.

“Grandpops, come pillow fight!” River begged. Rose nodded, and both girls employed the puppy eyes. Sweet rot, they were cute.

So Simon went and put Ryland in his bouncer, chuckling at how the baby didn’t stir, even with all the noise. And then he grabbed a pillow and charged.

~~~~

Hugh found his husband twenty minutes later in a pillow fort. Complete with extra sheets, blankets, and what seemed like every pillow and cushion in the house. It encompased the entire living room, including the TV. Smart.

“Dinner!” He called. Immediately several heads poked out, grinning. Caspian was out first, Atlas and Nebula not far behind. Evangeline crawled out another exit, Zander holding onto her legs and giggling. The rest of the kids made their way out, including Lyra’s dog, Bear.

And last but not least, Simon crawled out, his hair a mess, but smiling anyway. Hugh had to stop himself from swooning over the smile lines.

“Everyone get a bowl of mac n’ cheese and three chicken nuggets!” Hugh called to the kids in the kitchen.

“You baked thirty chicken nuggets?” Lina yelped. “Was that the whole bag?”

“Don’t worry about it, just eat.” Hugh demanded. “And help the littles get a plate.”

“Granddad, Grandpops, can we watch a movie while we eat?” Caspian asked, mouth already full of food.

“Can we have soda?” Nebbie begged.

“I want milk!” Lyra whined.

“Alright, everyone one at a time.” Simon said. “What does everybody want to drink?”

Different drink orders flew around the kitchen, and Simon tried as best he could to get them all. Soda, milk, water, juice, the list was endless.

It was Hugh who finally got a piece of paper and a pencil and passed it around the table. The kids all wrote what they wanted, or in the littles’ case, got someone else to write it for them. Then Simon got them all their drinks.

“Why is it in a sippy cup?” Lina giggled, marvelling at her soft drink in a toddler cup.

“Because I don’t want anyone to spill their drink on our blanket fort when we watch a movie.” Simon said with a grin.

A cheer went up, and everyone moved to the kitchen, dinner and drink in hand. Hugh went in last, being the largest, and found the blanket fort pretty roomy inside.

Lina was using Garrin’s head as an armrest because he wouldn’t move from her lap, and Zander was lying horizontally on the twins as he put mac n’ cheese in his mouth with his hands, but otherwise everyone had a good, comfortable place to sit. Someone had had the bright idea to move the baby bouncer inside, and Ryland was awake and giggling.

It took a long time, but they eventually found a movie everyone could agree on. Not a horror movie, nothing PG-13, not a romantic movie, not a baby movie. Hugh was able to find an animated movie about animals, and that satisfied everyone enough.

“Granddad I’m done.” Lyra put her empty bowl and cup in Hugh’s lap. Bear had a distinctive yellow stain on his mouth, but he decided against asking when the dog wagged his tail. More dishes were added, so Hugh did the mature, adult thing to do, and put them all in his husband’s lap.

Simon rolled his eyes but went to put the dirty dishes in the sink. And when he returned a while later, he had a surprise: Ice cream.

This time they hadn’t had to ask everyone what they wanted. Because, if there was one thing a grandfather was required to know in Hugh’s opinion, it was the favorite ice cream flavor of each and every grandchild.

Lina, Estrella, and the twins all liked strawberry best. Caspian and Nebbie liked chocolate. And Atlas, Lyra, and the little boys all got vanilla. Of course, Zander and Garrin shared one scoop between them to prevent a multi-toddler sugar high, but what did that matter, really?

The ice cream and the movie were finished, and everyone was starting to yawn. “Go get pajamas on.” Simon mumbled. Nobody even complained.

Twenty minutes later, after everyone had pajamas on and teeth brushed, they found themselves back in the blanket fort. Simon had strung fairy lights above it, leaving a soft glow in their wake.

“Sleep here.” Garrin yawned, leaning his head on Hugh’s side. All around him, the kids were falling asleep. Even Lyra, whom Hugh had been given sleeping pills for. But she was yawning and stretching, and after she laid her head down on Bear’s side, it was evident she was fast asleep.

“Should we bring them to bed?” Simon asked sleepily.

“No. I think they’re good here.” Hugh whispered.

And sure enough, every single child fell asleep, cuddled in a massive puppy pile. Zander was curled in Lina’s arms, Lyra and Caspian were resting against the dog, and the rest of the kids were curled around pillows and each other. The only child who was awake was Ryland, and even he was yawning.

It took Hugh’s breath away every time, just about. Looking at all these kids; his grandkids.

Lina and Nebula were the only biological children of Nova and Adrian. Evident, by their caramel skin and curly black hair. Sisters, down to their very bones.

Caspian and Lyra were the same age, adopted at different times. Caspian as a baby, abandoned on the doorstep of an orphanage. Lyra, in the system until she was three, because nobody wanted a child with special needs. Hugh’s heart hurt every time he thought of it.

Atlas and the twins, River and Rose. All of them taken in as babies. Garrin, Zander, Ryland, still practically babies.

And Estrella. She fit right in, arm draped over Atlas, the twins at her back. She had been through so much. Hugh just hoped he’d one day be worthy of being a grandfather to such an amazing little girl.

“You’re thinking too hard.” Simon murmured. “Let’s go to bed.”

Taking baby Ryland from his bouncer and resting him gently on his shoulder, Hugh and Simon Everhart crawled out of the pillow fort. They put the baby down to bed. And then they, too, found a place to sleep amongst the pile of kids in a blanket fort.

“Look at this.” Simon breathed, turning off the lights. He was so close Hugh could feel his breath on his lips.

“Love built this. Love built our family.”

“Love.”

Love for every single one of the kids sleeping peacefully next to them. Love despite the fact they didn’t look related. Despite the fact they weren’t related.

Yes, love certainly built this.

~~~~

Fic Requests

Gen 2 asks/headcanons

So, I hope you guys liked this! It got real sappy lol.

#renegades #archenemies #supernova #marissa meyer #renegades gen 2 #gen 2 #nodrian #humon #nova x adrian #simon x hugh #nova artino #adrian everhart #simon westwood #hugh everhart

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ao3bronte · 5 years

Photo

Unseen Scars by @ao3bronte Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

This is my seventh prompt for @badthingshappenbingo ! Please reblog and enjoy!

Neglect/Abandonment (7/8)

It’s not unusual for Nathalie Sancoeur to delegate the various staff members at her disposal to contend with Adrien, especially considering her own...precarious condition at the moment. Since being promoted to M. Agreste’s head assistant ten years prior, she’d been nothing but diligent in her duties and meticulous in her management.

Except…

Nathalie grimaces and slumps over in her office chair, fighting off another painful migraine. She has enough on her plate as it is, so when faced with something as straightforward as another one of Adrien’s school related illnesses, Nathalie simply thought nothing of it.

Upon having Adrien’s bodyguard deposit him onto his couch in his bedroom three days ago, Nathalie had sent for the family doctor. Despite the short notice, D. Débile arrived within a few hours and prescribed an antiviral without so much as a second glance at the half-asleep boy and ordered Adrien to stay in bed for at least a week to stop the spread of illness to the rest of Paris.

Not that he’d been cognisant enough to hear it, of course. Leaving a note by his bedside with his instructions was a more than sufficient way of communication with Adrien, and Nathalie had done so promptly. Washing her hands scrupulously, she’d left the room immediately after to deal with the mounting responsibilities of being both an assistant by day and a magical cohort by night.

Adrien would find his way under the covers of his bed eventually.

Meal deliveries were scheduled at 8h, 13h and 19h. Servants M. Simon and M. Dubois were supposed to rouse Adrien, compel him to take his medicine and eat his food promptly, then leave the boy in peace. Nathalie did not want either domestic to contract the illness and spread it to the rest of the staff; she couldn’t fathom the additional headaches she would have to contend with should half her personnel call in sick.

Nathalie’s communication with M. Agreste about Adrien’s physical state is to the point, as always. She relays that Adrien has caught an illness and has been prescribed medicine and seven days rest. Gabriel acknowledges this by asking her to rearrange Adrien’s modelling commitments for the following week.

Done and done. She has far more important things to accomplish.

She looks in on him only once on the third evening, cracking open the door and peering within. He’s sitting and hunched over on the edge of his bedside, dry heaving into the waste bin. She recoils and shuts the door, tapping on her iPad to schedule a cleaning in one half hour.

Plagg had long shoved Marinette’s empty container of soup under Adrien’s bed by the time one of the Agreste household maids had come into the bedroom to clean up the mess that his wielder had made on the floor.

His regurgitations hadn’t exactly...hit their mark.

(And it isn’t that he hasn’t seen his fair share of human’s being gross, but at least he’d been just as drunk as his former wielders when they’d inevitably indulged in too much Roman wine.)

Plagg spends the next several minutes peeping from the covers at the foot of Adrien’s bed, watching from the dark as the maid cleans the bathroom and the area around his bed. The woman only looks slightly puzzled at the wadded-up pieces of cling film piled on his nightstand and finishes cleaning within ten minutes, shutting the door as quickly as she came.

Plagg taps at Adrien’s foot, giving him the green light.

“Ughhhh,” Adrien groans, rolling over onto his side now that the coast is clear, “Why is it so bright in here?”

“It’s not,” Plagg floats from beneath the duvet and hovers in front of him, “So do us both a favour and close your eyes.”

Adrien purses his lips, “Did they even teach you about bedside manners where you came from?”

“Hardly,” Plagg rolls his eyes, “I’m the embodiment of chaos and destruction. I don’t need manners.”

“If I could think straight, I’d make a joke about switching kwamis again. I’m sure Tikki wouldn’t be this mean to me.”

“You’re not wrong about that,” Plagg admits, tugging his whiskers, “She’s a coddler. Disgusting.”

“I could use a little coddling,” Adrien murmurs, rolling onto his back and draping his forearm over his eyes, “Plagg, can you believe Ladybug was in my room last night?”

“And the night before that,” Plagg rolls his eyes as Adrien flings his arm across his body and gapes at him in horror, “You were dead asleep for that bit. I wasn’t.”

“Oh no, please don’t tell me I embarrassed myself.”

“You didn’t throw up on her, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh thank god,” Adrien groans, shuddering as he closes his eyes against the lamplight filtering down from his desk, “Can you turn that off for me, Plagg? I’d do it myself but...I don’t know what’s wrong with me, honestly. I feel dizzy and kind of...merde, it begins with an n…”

“Nauseous?”

“Yes! Nauseous,” Adrien’s lips quiver and he takes a raspy breath, “Is there a way to like, reboot your brain? Because I feel like I’ve forgotten half the French language which, you know, sucks. Because I speak French.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Plagg responds, the snark in his voice not matching his expression as he turns his eyes towards the time, “Whatever you knocked loose in there, it’ll come back. It’ll just take a while.”

Adrien shifts his arm enough to expose one eye, “But how long is a while?”

“I don’t know,” the kwami shrugs, “A couple weeks? A couple months? I have no sense of time, I’m a god.”

His wielder sighs, “You’re no help.”

“Says the kid who just asked me to turn off a lamp,” Plagg grouses back, hitting the switch with his paws. Adrien’s bedroom is blanketed in the blessed darkness of early evening and he can finally open his eyes without fighting off the headache that threatens to split his skull in two, “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Thank you Plagg. You’re always so kind to me, even when you’re kinda not.”

“Yeah yeah,” Plagg waves him off, “Now get some rest so you can heal that thick skull of yours.”

Adrien sighs his agreement with a tired smile and Plagg only returns the gesture once his kitten’s eyes are closed firmly. Sitting back on his sternum, Plagg waits until his wielder’s breaths have steadied before he takes a weary breath of his own.

This has been the first lucid conversation he’s had with Adrien in seventy-two hours; every other attempt at banter had been a nightmare. Between the stuttering, the forgetfulness and the random bouts of sobbing, Plagg’s anxiety had been threatening to skyrocket through the roof. After all, the sputtering he could deal with. After a round or two of catnip, he certainly knew the struggle of trying to string a sentence together.

But the sobbing bit?

Plagg shivers at the thought, burrowing against Adrien’s cheek as he settles deeper into his pillow. Plagg has never been particularly competent at managing his kittens and their inevitable moods, but the fact that Adrien has been rocketing through every hue of emotion every time he wakes up is enough to make him want to start throwing up too.

Concussions, as he was finding out, were awful.

#miraculous ladybug #bad things happen bingo #sickfic #adrien agreste #ml fanfic

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nox-scrie · 4 years

Text

Liking Her Is Much Nicer Than Hating Her, Anyway

Okay so I know it’s the 27th now and I kind of forgot that Carry On Countdown even existed (I’m sorry) but I want to try to write everyday this year!! And This Is A Thing That I’m Really Proud Of, which I wrote in like two hours and it has some nice things happening.

Carry On Countdown: Day 2, Role Swap

Description: Penny, The Chosen One, shares a dorm room with Agatha, the perfect girl who (Penny is certain of it!) is secretly a vampire. In the last year of Watford, Penny will try uncovering her roommate’s secrets, but she may not like what she finds out.

Setting: Last year of school, The Humdrum does not exist, they’re all 18 so it’s legal to drink thanks UK, Baz has never been turned into a vampire and he is in a relationship with Simon, aaand Penny can contain her power.

Ships: Penny×Agatha (I’m not sure what’s their ship name) and Snowbaz ofc

Words: 3.8 k

Status: SFW (with some mentions of making out and the sudden appearance of A Bra!!!) and UNCORRECTED A LOT OF GRAMMAR MISTAKES I THINK GL READING IT

The feeling of dread started in her heart before she even opened her eyes. Once again she cursed her life, she cursed her mother for not stepping up and doing something about her idiotic roommate, she cursed her life and her existence and how unlucky she was. For now, a morning like any other.

As she opened her eyes, she was staring straight ahead at Agatha’s gorgeous, blonde hair and scoffed. She was snoring lightly, but even that seemed perfect when she did it. Agatha Wellbelove, as beautiful as she was cold, her worst enemy and the person that fueled her with rage everyday.

As if sensing her thoughts, Agatha turned around and faced her, lips chapped and slightly parted, her hair a yellow flag spread on the pillow. She was annoyingly beautiful and she knew it.

“Well good morning to you too, Bunce. Enjoying the view?” she asked, her voice husky, but somehow still mocking.

Penelope Bunce snatched the pillow from below her head and threw it at her, hitting Agatha right in the face. The little “oof” sound she made was totally worth the pain she felt, ten times worse, because the stupid anathema about not hitting your roommate extended to pillow fights too.

“I’m enjoying it better now.” she said to Agatha’s red, furious face.

Before she could retort, Penny got out of bed and right in their shared bathroom, hopping in the shower.

You would think that by being the Chosen One, The Saviour of the Mage World, Penny had a saying in who got to be her roommate. It wasn’t that Agatha wad necessarily a bad roommate, it was quite the opposite: her part of the room was annoyingly clean, all her papers in separate binders and potions stacked by color in magicked shelves. Penny was a disaster compared to her: her notebooks were stacked on the floor rather than on her desk, which was occupied by half-drinken green teas and more empty cups of coffee than she would like to admit, and her blankets were basically just piles of clothes forgotten to be arranged in her dresser. That’s how Penny grew up, in a house too small to fit so many people, in a head too small to fit so many ideas, in a body too fragile to handle all her magic.

But no, Agatha’s neatness was not what made Penny hate her: it was the fact that she was a vampire that did the trick. Penny was certain of it; what kind of roommate would just go out and about each and every night, come back with a flash against her normally paper-white skin, and sneak soundlessly in bed? She was hiding something, and Penny was hellbent to find the secret out.

When she got out of the shower Agatha was in a skirt and her bra; it was a really nice one too, pastel pink that made her pale skin seem almost transparent. Her skirt was high-waisted, a deep green which contrasted amazingly with her hair…

Agatha raised an eyebrow and only then did Penny realize that she was staring. She tightened her towel around herself, grabbed her uniform where it was hanged on her dresser and she rushed back into the bathroom, her heart racing.

A great start of a day that could only get worse.

***

“This day is amazing!”

Simon Snow, her best friend, dumb as night but in an endearing way, sat across from her, shoving piece after piece of scones in his mouth. Baz Pitch sat next to him, a slightly concerned yet stupidly in love expression on his face.

“Baz woke up with his hair all messed up, it was so funny I almost had a breakdown laughing.”

The dark-haired man scoffed; that was an expression Penny was more aquianted to. Simon has been Penny’s friend since day one: he was the kind and she was the cunning and together they made the greatest team in school. He used to live with a pixie in his dormroom, but since he got in a relationship with Baz they moved in in the same room: it was that easy. Penny slightly despised them for it.

“It was not that messed up. And if it was, there’s only you to blame. Yesterday night was-”

“None of my business!” Penny shouted from across the table, her hands covering her ears and looking at the increasingly red face of Simon and the mockingly satisfied one of Baz.

Baz was hard to let in, all shadows and dark mysteries. As she had grown more accustomed to how his expression softened around Simon, though, she found it impossible to see how she thought he was bad for them at first. They started having a pace in the year they have Snowbaz was a real thing: Penny was the power, Baz was the mind, Simon was the action. They were perfect for each other, like the pieces of a puzzle thrown apart a long time ago and reunited now.

That was the moment Agatha Fucking Wellbelove entered the cafeteria. Penny rolling her eyes was almost instinct now, and Simon didn’t even bother to turn away from his scones to watch her entrance, surrounded by her not-as-beautiful-but-still-annyoingly-pretty friends. Baz had turned, though, and then looked over to Penny, a curious expression on his face.

“Did she do anything this morning?”

The image of Agatha’s bra flew across Penny’s mind, but she shook her head in denial. Now was not the time to have such thoughts, and what even were these thoughts? Penny needed a tea. Scrap that, she needed her ring, a galoon of coffee and a direct target to her forehead.

“Just existed.”

“Oh, that’s just the wooorst.” Baz mocked, and his straight teeth flashed in a smile that made his skin look darker than usual.

“Should we discuss how you throwed Simon down a flight of stairs because you couldn’t handle your feelings for him, Pitch? Because I am so ready.”

“Oh, so your feelings for Wellbelove as the same as mine for Simon?” he teased back, and Penny retracted.

“You told me that was an accident!” Simon registered the conversation they were having a few moments too late, and he turned his head to Baz, his voice a few tones higher.

“Sure it was. I would never do anything to harm you, my love, no matter how great my gay denial was, or how your lovely bronze curls made me want to commit murder.” Baz said sweetly, flickering Penny a look.

She barely contained her laughter, until she sensed a presence behind her. Already touching her ring, she turned, and saw Agatha standing behind her. There was no tray in her skinny hands, and with the sun shining from behind her, she was no different than an angel.

“Bunce.” she said, her tone imperious, but Penny could only think of her voice this morning, all raspy and almost sad.

“Wellbelove. What can I do for you, and should I get ring ready?”

“As eager as she is beautiful.” she said, a mock in her tone that made Penny scrunch up her forehead. “I was wondering if I will see you at the Fest this evening.”

“What for, so you can feed me to himera?” Penny said, doubt in her voice.

“I don’t pull the same stunt twice.” Agatha shrugged. “Maybe I will ask you for a dance. You’ll see if you come.”

And then she just left. Penny stared dumbfoundedly in the space she occupied just a moment ago, and as she turned to the boys on the other side of the table they were looking at her with wide eyes.

“When did that happen?” Baz asked, and Simon had his mouth hanging open, a piece of scone glued to the the side of his mouth. Penny wanted to reach over to bat it away, but Simon started speaking before she had the chance.

“Yeah, Penny, what? Why didn’t you tell me that you and Agatha were a thing?”

The shriek that came from Penny’s throat was not human. “Excuse you?” she half-shouted.

Simon rolled his eyes, and the crumb fell in his lap. Baz absently picked it up and ate it.

“I may be dumb.” he frowned. “ I am dumb. But even I could pick up the hearts and rainbows in her eyes.”

“True. She always gave me lesbian-vibes but I’ve always thought that it was because of her color pallete. Oh, Crowley, Penny! She can teach you how to dress properly! This is the best day of my life.”

“No. What? NO. Guys. Agatha and I are NOT a couple. She despises me! She tried feeding me to a hungry chimera! She is always mocking me! AND she is a vampire!”

Baz only listened to half of what she said before he started piling up mashed potatoes on top of each other to resemble a very bad flight of stairs, and he placed two mini-tomatoes on top. He stared right into her eyes as one tomato pushed the other down. Penny swallowed and sent him a whitering look.

“I think vampires are pretty hot.” Simon said after a moment, unaware of what his boyfriend just confessed next to him. Baz sent him a glare. “Not hoter than you, of course, darling. But just saying, if you were to wear some fake fangs for the Fest this evening that… would be pretty wicked.”

Simon and Baz started staring at each other as if they shared a world in which nobody but them was allowed. Penny could respect that; she and Simon had a similar relationship sometimes, and her and Baz were starting to get there too, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t make a gag noise.

“You guys are the worst; I’m trying to eat here.” Penny said, but she was smiling.

For a moment she wondered if she could ever find a love like that too, and she turned her glance back, where Agatha stayed a few tables off. She was looking at her when Penny turned her head, but she didn’t break eye contact, only slightly turned her head to the side.

Penny started focusing on her food once again, but she knew she was not able to eat anymore, nervousness creeping into her stomach. If there was a chance for her to find that love, Wellbelove was sure to crush it in high-heeled shoes before she even aknowledged it.

***

Being the chosen one was hard as it was: Penny had a great power in her, so great that she almost didn’t manage to content, and she fought side by side with Simon, and now with Baz, everytime a new threat appeared. But being the daughter of the headmaster of the school of magic she was attending; it was harder.

She got much less privilages than one would expect, her mother standing tall and cold each time Penny came by her office to complain about the fact that Agatha was a vampire (“I will believe you when you bring me proof”) and that she wanted to kill her (“Nobody knew about the chimera, Penny. And you had that solved in the end, right? That’s what is important.”).

So, being the headmaster’s daughter, Penny was approximately obliged to attend each school event. It wasn’t something that usually bothered her: she could hang with her friends, eat as many marshmallows her heart desired and drink dandelion wine near her teachers without shame.

Tonight was different though: as she stared in the mirror and examined her costume, a traditional sari from her mother, she was feeling like something will happen. It was probably Agatha, who got a bag from her dorm this afternoon, promptly ignoring her, and never came back, and her stupid question.

Sighing, Penny checked if her hair was in place and stepped out of the bathroom, right when there was a knock in the door. Baz was on the other side, wearing black pants and a white shirt, showing his caramel-like chest, and a pair of fangs popping out of his mouth.

“It was that easy?” she asked, laughing.

“Shut up, Bunce.” he said, but it sounded more like “thatp banth”.

He extended an arm, and Penny realized that he was wearing a red-and-black cape too. It was ridiculous; there was no such a thing as an Egyptian vampire, but Penny was living for it.

They made their way in the courtyard, chatting about classes and teachers, mocking them and making slightly off impressions to make the other laugh (especially Penny, because she could barely understand him). Their friendship was easy like that, and Penny would lie if she said that she wasn’t grateful for it.

As they got to the party, Simon appeared out of nowhere, a pair of red, cartoonish wings and a demon tail, forked at the tip, as his Fest costume. There was no protocole for the Festivals, but dressing up was recommended: especially now, near the Halloween-season in the Normal’s world, many students decided to dress up, and it was pretty funny to see all of them putting effort in looking good for this one night.

When Simon saw Baz, his eyes widened comically and he pulled him down with a hand on his shirt for a kiss. Penny realized that it was a surprise for Simon, and smiled fondly, leavinf the two of them alone.

She made her way to the drinks table and poured herself a glass of wine, choosing a piece of pumpkin pie from a nearby desert table. The fire in the middle of the field was so high it was almost touching the sky, and Penny watched the flames dance with longing, to be so full of joy and passion, to live like that.

Agatha made her way towards her from the bonfire in an angel costume that was barely even there on her: she had a white glowing-stick halo, and a short, skin-tight dress. She was swaying slightly as she reached Penny, and started giggling.

Crowley, this will end in flames, won’t it?

“Are you drunk, Wellbelove?” Penny asked, and Agatha just snickered.

“As a kite! Wait, no, that’s high. I may be that too for all I know! The wine is amazing.”

Penelope looked down at her untouched glass and placed it back down on the table. Agatha’s brown eyes followed her, and a smile crept across her lips.

“Fair enough.” she said, but she wasn’t leaving, staring right at Penny instead.

“What do you want, Agatha?” Penny shook her head, breaking eye contact in the end.

“I want to talk to you, in fact. Come with me?” she extended a hand, but Penny batted it away.

“I’ll pass. Last time we went to talk, the chimera had more to say than you.”

“Please, Penny. Crowley, you’re so awful sometimes.” she shook her head, and looked across the field. “Oi! Baz! Come over here.”

Baz and Simon, who were making out against a tree, looked at each other, but made their way over them after a second. Agatha waited until they were a few feet away, and took out her wand from her knee-high boot, handing it over to Baz.

“Hold on to this while I chat with Penny for a couple o'minutes. Will you?”

Baz looked at Agatha for an intense second, then turned his eyes to Penny, a silent question in his look. Simon was not that subtle.

“I hope you know that if you hurt my best friend, I will end you. I will make you hate life so much you will regret that your great-great-great-grandfather was born and gave birth to all the other people before you.”

“That’s why I gave Baz my wand, Simon Sword-for-brain. Now, Penny, will you?”

Penny looked over to Baz’s hand, which held Agatha’s wand, and nodded, following the blonde in the forest. They didn’t go deep, just far enough for the chatter to be muffled but the flames to still lighten up the night. From her other boot, Agatha extracted a pack of cigarettes, and mumbled something that made it light up.

“You just casted a spell without a wand.” Penny was almost shaking with curiosity. “How… wow. That was so cool.”

Agatha shrugged with a shoulder and took a drag, extending it to Penny afterwards. Penny shook her head no, but she wasn’t sure what was she saying no to: the cigarette, the fact that she was smoking, that it wasn’t allowed to smoke on schoolgrounds or that she was able to cast a fire-spell without a wand, putting her in direct danger.

Before she expressed any opinion, though, Agatha started talking, the cigarette seemingly sobering her up, and Penny listened for once. Maybe it was because of the night, or Agatha’s dress, or the fire or how lonely she was, but in that moment Penny wanted to know what she had to say.

“My father hates me, you know.” she said, and then she laughed after a moment. “No, of course you don’t, sorry. Stupid question. He hates me, because he thinks… that my mother died because of me.”

Silence was a cloak over them; Penny watched the cigarette almost burnt to the filter, and just as it was dying Agatha took a last, long drag.

“There was a fire at Watford sometime ago.”

“Yeah.” Penny said, before she could stop. “More than ten years ago. A lot of victims. A vampire attack.”

“That’s right.” Agatha nodded, seemingly satisfied. “The infirmery was the place where the attack was held; I remember it in flashes: the white walls, with pink roses, the toys with missing parts and the cribs, wooden and so easy to burn.”

After a pause, Penny registred the true meaning of her words, and she took a step back. Agatha looked like she wanted to smile, but a sad expression was now hunting her face.

“Wait. You were there?” she asked, her voice little, Agatha farther away than she has ever been.

“I was. So was my mum. So were a dozen other children. They killed her right in front of me… and only because I was dumb enough to think that a rotten piece of a crib can do them any harm. She stepped in front of me, and he bit her. She was alive, Penny. She was alive when she looked at me, and sat herself on fire.”

She shook another stick in her palm, but her fingers were trembling too much to hold it properly. Penny didn’t think before taking a step forward and placing it between Agatha’s lips, concentrating her magic in her pointing ring, at the cigarette.

“Light'em up.” casted Penny.

Agatha looked at her, and her eyes were flames too as the tip of the cigarette caught fire. She took a drag, looked down, and back at Penny, inhaling sharply. Penny took a step back.

“She wa bond to become a vampire, but she chose suicide over that fate. She chose suicide over being a m-monster.” Penny thought Agatha might start crying, but her eyes remained dry. “Some of us were not so brave. I was not so brave.”

Penny looked at her, at her pale skin, at her skinny figers from around the cigarette and her haunted expression, and took the stick from between her lips. She took a drag, caught it inside her lungs and breathed out, feeling dizzy and out of this world. Penny smoked before, when she was 14 and she snatched a pack from her older brother, she coughed again and again, but didn’t stop doing it until she could make a circle out of smoke.

“You could have asked me for one for yourself.” Agatha mumbled, but she watched Penny silent after the purple-haired girl raised a finger to her face.

“Don’t. Let me think, Agatha.”

Agatha rasided an eyebrow, but watched silently as Penny finished the cigarette, because fuck the rules, Wellbelove just told her she is a vampire!

“Why?” asked Penny, despair in her voice. “Why now, why me, why?”

Shifting her focus to the party, Agatha took a little until she found the good response. Penny was so close to pointing the ring at her and casting a spell, anything, to make her talk, that she had to catch her ringed-hand with the other.

“I will leave school.” she said it so simply, just like she would say that the sun was hot or that Penny was a mess.

“What?” Penny realized how dumb she must sound, so she tried another word. “Why?” that was not better, but Agatha didn’t seem to mind the continuous scurt-circuit her mind was having, because she lit another cigarette wordlessly.

“I’m not powerful enough to be here; or at least that’s what my teachers say. I will leave and go to America, maybe Cali, the beaches are just the sweetest-”

“No. Agatha… you’re my roommate. You can’t leave, not with less than a year left of school.

"Pft. Like you would mind. You would have killed me yourself if it wasn’t for the Anathema, Bunce, and we both know it.”

“That’s- not. That’s not how it is… you are so powerful, you can even cast without a wand…”

“And you are the Chosen One. The thing is, nobody knows how powerful I might be, because I don’t show them? Why should I? They will kill me anyway if they ever found out that I was a vampire.”

Hearing her say it made Penny realize that it was all real, the way she rolled her stupidly pretty mouth around the word, how it sounded bitter and full of hate… and then Penny realized.

“You are flamable! Agatha, you can’t smoke! Holy Snakes, what if you die?”

Agatha pointedly took another long drag. “Doesn’t seem like it to me. If it was this easy as if lighting up a stick, then I would have done it much, much earlier. This way you wouldn’t have had to deal with me, right? The roommate whom you despise with all your heart and-”

The cigaretteflew out of her hand with a gesture from the chosen one, and Penny kissed her. It was awkward, because Agatha was much taller than Penny, and she had these stupid heels on and-

Agatha dragged her close, her slender hands embracing her waist. Penny sighed against her lips, and her mind was a white noise because she only ever wanted for her roommate to shut up, and she couldn’t, and she kept saying these stupid, stupid things so Penny had to do it.

They kissed for a long time, but Penny needed to breath, and took a step back. Agatha was staring at her wide-eyed and wad looking like a doe caught in the headlights, and for a reason she didn’t know, Penny started laughing.

It was all so dumb! In one day, her whole life was changed, and it was all because of a pink bra and a campfire. Agatha looked more collected now, but Penny found out that she liked the power she had over Agatha when they kissed, so they did it again.

Tomorrow they will have to talk about this. They will have to look at each other in the eyes, and Penny will have to convince herself that Agatha was not the enemy anymore, that she was just a normal vampire, no, a normal girl, who needed her help.

Under the starry night and accompanied by the tipsy laughter of the Watford students, Penny vowed to help her with every weapon she had. Like was a much nicer feeling than hate, anyway.

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