#i need to update my fic archive more often damn

[ninjnerd-anaklusmos]

A Little Bit of Light

no way a fic update on tumblr. finally moving more of my fics over lmao.

Summary:

Satan and Asmodeus manage to knock some sense into Lucifer's thick skull while Mammon tries his very best to help Leviathan, but the sea demon wants nothing to do with him. Or does he?

Everything was in slow motion, leaving Satan stunned and breathless. Lucifer was bloody and most likely hurt and-

“Get over here!”

Satan tried to brush off his initial panic and shock, rushing forward and ripping Lucifer off of Leviathan, who was crying. Leviathan rushed out of the kitchen, but Satan hardly noticed, tempted to slap Lucifer. Asmodeus continued shrieking and Mammon shouted something over his shoulder at Satan before he rushed out of the kitchen, following after Leviathan. It was all happening so fast and suddenly that it left Satan reeling. Not only was it too fast, but the residual wrath that was clinging to Lucifer’s soul was so distracting.

Satan realized that he was gasping, body trying to gain more of that rich tasting rage, attempting to get high of off the power. Cursing mentally, Satan snatched Lucifer’s shoulder, turning the elder demon towards him in an attempt to ignore the dizzying feeling.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Lucifer looked puzzled and a little dazed himself, but Satan’s harsh words made his expression morph into a disapproving frown, “I’ll have you-”

“Skinned? Tortured? Goddamn, what did you do?”

Lucifer tilted his head just enough that Satan remembered how much smaller he was, which only added fuel to his fire. Asmodeus’s dainty hand was abruptly on his arm, amber eyes quiet and calming. Asmodeus then turned back to Lucifer, gently taking his hands in a way that Satan could not.

“Luci, what happened?”

Lucifer ignored Asmodeus, looking at the counter, confusion clear on his face as he seemed to notice that Leviathan was no longer in the room, “Where did he go? Shouldn’t he be happy?”

Asmodeus knit his brows, “Why would he be happy?”

Satan huffed, “Exactly my point here. You rush in, coated head-to-toe in blood, smash him in an unexpected hug, and then he’s running away bawling? What the hell?”

Asmodeus shot Satan a look, one that clearly said “chill out”. Satan drew in an irritated breath, “Sorry.”

Lucifer blinked in shock, his expression flickering between horror and realization, “I didn’t mean to startle him.”

Asmodeus nodded, “I know, Luci. We should clean you up.”

Lucifer nodded numbly as Asmodeus dashed off to get the first-aid kit, leaving the father and son alone in the empty kitchen. Satan pursed his lips, eyeing the older demon with... not exactly scorn, but pity. Satan knew how it felt to be blinded by rage and hate, knowing nothing but the causing of pain and the ripping of sinew and skin. Narrowing his eyes, Satan began to put puzzle pieces together, wondering what Lucifer had done to get coated in blood in the first place.

“I’m back!” Asmodeus flitted back into the kitchen, immediately opening the kit, digging in it for bandages. Satan placed a hand on the lust demon’s arm, stopping his digging.

“Hang on, Lucifer is that blood yours?”

Lucifer paused in his empty stare at the doorway, turning those dark eyes to Satan’s crystalline ones. The deepness of the gaze made Satan almost look away, heart stuttering for a moment. Lucifer took his gloves off, eyes still locked onto Satan’s, “No. It isn’t mine.”

The dark eyes hardened and faded into red, “It belonged to the bastards that hurt Leviathan.”

Asmodeus blinked in shock and Satan groaned, smacking a hand to his forehead in exasperation.

“Lucifer, for the sake of the population, you need to calm down! You’ve killed more than Belphegor! Belphegor!”

Asmodeus yelped, putting his body between the blond and the raven, “Boys, boys! Refrain from more bloodshed if you will, as I doubt our dearest Levi will be happy if you’re both dead.”

Satan flinched at that, properly chastised. Lucifer sighed heavily, dropping his gloves on the counter, leaning against it.

“I cannot believe that I did that.”

Asmodeus pursed his lips, “Well, mistakes get made. Nothing new.”

Satan heaved a sigh of his own, “Murder isn’t the answer.”

Lucifer shot him a look of anger, but Satan ignored it, crossing his arms instead of speaking again. Asmodeus chewed his lip, nervously watching the two demons. After a moment, Asmodeus took Lucifer by the arm, “Let’s go get you cleaned up, in case Leviathan sees you again?”

Lucifer nodded, shooting one last look at Satan before he let Asmodeus tug him out of the kitchen. The moment the Avatar of Pride was out of the kitchen, Satan collapsed against the countertop, lungs tight with pain. Squeezing his eyes shut, Satan forced himself into a more regular breathing pattern, struggling to focus through the haze of wrath that was misting the room, ruling out his logical thinking skills. Everything was covered in a foggy haze, making it hard to even see. Satan shuddered, half-healed wounds throbbing in pain, his brain flashing vivid images of the last time he had seen Lucifer bloody.

Satan leaned heavily against the counter, face pressed into his hands, palms rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to clear his blurry vision. His breath was stuttering in his chest and he couldn’t stop it. He knew he must have sounded pathetic, almost crying from absolutely nothing, but he couldn’t stop the wave of encompassing feelings. It made him feel ridiculous, a pitiful child that never had a father, yet he craved for it so terribly that it made him lose himself into despair. Satan sniffled, scrubbing harder at his eyes, forcing the tide back, back, back into the untamable ocean that contained his feelings and his tears.

Shakily exhaling, Satan lowered his hands, looking about the kitchen. It was so barren, even though it had just been filled with laughter and life. The mess on the floor was less and less appealing the longer he looked at it, and he could almost smell smoke. Satan scrubbed a hand across his nose, figuring that it was just his memories meshing together with reality. At least, that’s what he thought until he glanced at the stove, spotting the orange glow of flames. Cursing, Satan ran across the room, tossing the contents and the pan into the sink, turning the tap on, letting the fire extinguish.

The smokey mist was making his eyes tear up again, but he concentrated on the task at hand, hoping to be productive for once.

***

Lucifer watched a gust of wind carry leaves past the glass window, ignoring Asmodeus’s words as the lust demon left the room, leaving Lucifer by himself. The pride demon was sitting on one of the chairs in his bedroom, watching the window as if it held all the answers he needed to hear. How could he have been so rash? With Leviathan, easily the most sensitive out of his brothers? Lucifer rested his chin atop his hand, wishing he had the power to go back in time and fix what he had messed up.

It wasn’t just that he had ruined Leviathan’s entire day, possibly his entire week. No, it was far worse than that. He had potentially set up more enemies to damage Leviathan, possibly even fight him. Lucifer groaned at his own stupidity, rubbing at his temples. Perhaps he should ask Barbatos again for a restart. He could make it better, he knew know. Lucifer wouldn’t fail this time around. Barbatos had always just looked at him sadly, claiming that this timeline was the only one that gave his brothers happy endings.

Looking at it now, Lucifer didn’t believe the time demon. How could anything that was happening lead to a happy future? Lucifer sighed, wishing that there was something he could do to save his brothers from their mental chains and traumatic experiences. Lucifer lifted his head, staring off at the wall. Humans were far more experienced in the mental workings of the mind. They knew so much more about helping others live their best lives while they still could, mainly due to their short life spans.

Lucifer stood suddenly, speed-walking over to his closet, digging through it for his travel clothes. He would need to go to the Human World in order to get information on how to help his brothers. While he was searching for his coat, his D.D.D binged from its position on his nightstand. Curious, Lucifer walked over to the device, unlocking the screen and reading the notification. Lucifer stared at it for a moment, then he smiled.

***

Mammon leaned against the door, shoulders tense against the firm wood. He could hear his little brother and it made his heart throb in sympathy. Mammon had seen Leviathan cry so many times, but it never got easier to watch it happen. Hearing Leviathan sob and wail all alone without anyone to lean on was breaking Mammon’s soul. Another gasp-y sob filtered through the door, and Mammon slipped down the wood, leaning his head against the door at his back.

“If ya let me in, I can help.”

That seemed to make it worse if Leviathan’s cries meant anything. Mammon pursed his lips, wondering if he should just break the door down. He wanted nothing more than to go and comfort Leviathan, but the sea demon wouldn’t let him inside, choosing to bawl all alone. Mammon blinked, his vision watery and blurry. Sniffling, he bonked his head against the door, trying to get Leviathan to answer him. Nothing he did seemed to be working, and he wasn’t sure if kicking the door down would be good or bad.

“Levi?”

Mammon tensed when he felt something hit the door, unsure if it was a pillow or a weapon. He sighed heavily, “I’m right here.”

***

Leviathan slid down the door, burying his face into his knees, tears hot and mind screaming. All he could see was red and all he could smell was the tangy salty scent of blood. Mammon’s voice was filtering through the door, but Leviathan didn’t want him to waste anymore of his life babying him. He needed to just grow up and learn how to brush off insults and subjects he hated. Until then, he would bawl until he couldn’t breathe, alone.

“I’m right here.”

Leviathan gasped a shuddery breath at the words, tears coming harder as a response. He didn’t want Mammon to be here, he wanted him to go and live his life! Not continue to waste his time on a hopeless monster. Leviathan curled in on himself, sobs racking his body. Everything was just falling apart and he couldn’t begin to put it together before something else fell onto his barely built foundation, rendering him useless again. It hurt, and it would never stop hurting, would it? It was cold, but Leviathan was used to the cold.

***

Nervously opening the door, Leviathan poked his head out, wondering if anyone was still awake so late at night. He doubted it with the exhausting day they had had, but that didn’t mean no one was awake. Belphegor might be, it was about four in the morning. Leviathan swallowed, tip-toeing out of his room, pausing when his foot bumped into something. Holding back a yelp, Leviathan glanced down, spotting white hair.

Leviathan felt the heat of tears building up in his eyes again, but he ignored the sensation, crouching down beside Mammon instead. The greed demon was curled up on his side, breaths heavy and even. Just seeing him sleeping peacefully, right in front of his door, made Leviathan want to curse him. Mammon had so many other things he should be doing, but here he was, waiting for Leviathan to get his shit together again. Leviathan cringed, wondering if his brother had been here the entire time. Knowing Mammon, he probably had been.

Mammon sighed in his sleep, body curling closer to Leviathan’s feet as if he knew he was here. Leviathan stood, backing away from Mammon. He didn’t want to wake him up, but sleeping on the floor couldn’t be good for him. Leviathan weighed his options, glancing at the end of the hall, spotting the stairs. He bit his lip, then cursed under his breath. Moving closer to Mammon, Leviathan crouched next to him again. He managed to roll the demon onto his legs, pulling him against his chest and holding him tightly.

He almost fell over when he stood, but he managed to regain his balance, shuffle-walking across the hall to get the greed demon back to his bed. Mammon didn’t stir, but he was smiling in his sleep, arms lazily wrapped around Leviathan’s shoulders. Leviathan knew he was blushing terribly, but he had to get Mammon somewhere comfortable. He stopped in front of the door, arms shaking from Mammon’s weight, eyes boring into the dreaded doorknob. How was he supposed to open it with Mammon taking up his hands?

Leviathan pursed his lips, knocking his hip against the door in an attempt at access. To his surprise, the door swung open a little. Mammon must not have closed his door yesterday. Leviathan sighed with relief, nudging the door open a little more so he could get Mammon in. The floor was a wreck of empty bags and random piles of clothing. Leviathan surveyed the floor, trying to find the easiest pathway to Mammon’s bed. It was times like these that he wished that he had wings. Then again, if he did have wings, they’d probably be decorative, like fins.

Leviathan decided to just step on the clothes, avoiding pockets that were visible, just in case Mammon had something important tucked inside of them. He made it to the bed just in time, his arms giving out and depositing Mammon onto his bed with a flop. Leviathan winced, hoping Mammon wouldn’t wake up. He didn’t, much to the relief of the sea demon, but he did make grabby-hands at Leviathan in his sleep. Leviathan almost snorted, backing away from his brother, making his way out of the room. He didn’t close the door, only pulled it to, just in case.

***

Mammon awoke confused and cold. Sitting up, he glanced around finding himself in his room. Mammon crinkled his nose, recalling falling asleep by Leviathan’s door. How had he ended up in his bed? Last he checked, Belphegor sleep-walked, not him. Mammon tossed his legs over the edge of the bed, looking at his door. It didn’t hold any answers, but it wasn’t closed all the way. Mammon tilted his head, crossing his floor without a care for what he was stepping on. Stopping by the door, Mammon pulled it open, looking at the empty hall.

Leviathan’s door was open, and Mammon felt his heart rate increase. Leviathan was out of his room. Mammon darted across the hall, gripping the door frame to stop himself from crashing into the room, blue eyes scanning the room. Leviathan wasn’t inside, so he must have left already. Mammon pushed off of the door frame, rushing down the hall, hopping onto the stair railing, sliding down like a child. Landing with grace, Mammon rushed through the living room, eyes darting from one piece of furniture to the next in his wild search.

Skidding to a stop in the kitchen doorway, Mammon found what he was looking for. Leviathan was sitting on the counter top, his feet in the sink, a cup of something in his hands as he looked out of the window. Mammon sighed, walking into the kitchen, “Hey.”

Leviathan looked away from the window, orange eyes landing on Mammon. He smiled, giving a shy little wave. Mammon smiled back, hopping up on the other side of the sink, watching Leviathan sip from his cup. Mammon looked down into the basin of the sink, arching a brow at Leviathan’s feet in the sink. Mammon looked back at the demon across from him, gesturing at the feet in the sink. Leviathan shrugged, taking another sip out of the cup. Mammon rolled his eyes, shoving his feet into the sink too.

Wiggling his tan toes, Mammon noticed that his white nail polish was almost the same shade as Leviathan’s skin. Leviathan’s toes copied Mammon’s, making the greed demon laugh. Leviathan giggled too, eyes bright and Mammon almost forgot about what happened yesterday. Almost. It clung to him like a kudzu vine, tangling and strangling his memories, always reminding him with every throb. But right now, watching Leviathan look happy and actually laughing, Mammon chose to let the vine tighten, he could always cut it away later.

Mammon gestured at the cup in his little brother’s hands, “What’cha drinkin’?”

Leviathan wiggled the cup, “Oh, it’s just water.”

Mammon nodded, “Didja eat dinner?”

Leviathan shook his head, cutting off Mammon’s groan, “Hey, you didn’t eat either! You can’t get onto me when you haven’t either.”

Mammon pulled his feet out of the sink, sliding off of the counter, “Yeah, well, I’ve eaten breakfast today. You haven’t.”

Leviathan sighed, looking down into his glass of water, “I know.”

Mammon tugged the fridge open, “I don’t even know what we had for dinner.”

Leviathan’s voice carried across the room, “Me neither.”

Mammon huffed, digging around in the cold container, searching for something that wasn’t just junk food. He closed the fridge in frustration, tugging open the nearest cabinet. Mammon shrieked, jumping backwards in shock. Leviathan had tossed his legs over the edge of the counter, “What? Mams, what is it?”

Mammon stared at the cabinet in shock, “Belphie?!”

Belphegor was sitting cross-legged inside of the cabinet, a spoon in his mouth and a bowl of... something in his lap. He gave a wave, tugging the spoon out of his mouth, “Hi.”

Leviathan stared at the younger demon, “What are you doing in there?”

Mammon walked over to the younger, looking inside of the bowl, “Is that whipped cream?”

Belphegor tugged the bowl protectively against him, “Yes.”

Mammon rolled his eyes, “For breakfast?”

Belphegor nodded, shoving another spoonful into his mouth. Leviathan snorted, “That’s an interesting breakfast.”

Mammon nodded, “Belphie, do ya know where real food is? Like, stuff for sandwiches?”

Belphegor nodded, slipping out of the cabinet with such grace that Mammon wondered where he’d gotten it from. Belphegor set the bowl of whipped cream and the spoon down on the counter, making his way over to the freezer. Mammon and Leviathan shared a confused glance, both watching their little brother lay across the freezer, reaching for something behind it. After a moment, Belphegor pulled an ice chest out from behind the freezer, a grin stretching across his lips.

“Beel never checks behind the freezer.”

Mammon gawked, “Never?”

Belphegor slid off of the freezer, “Well, unless he’s desperate. He doesn’t like to make a scene, you know.”

Leviathan nodded, “Yeah, valid.”

Mammon took the ice chest from Belphegor, “Thanks.”

Belphegor shrugged, “There’s ham and mustard in there, um, bread, cheese... actually, can I have the cheese?”

Mammon snorted, opening the chest, “Ya can have a piece. I’ll make ya a sandwich too.”

Belphegor pulled himself onto the counter, tugging the bowl of whipped cream back into his lap, “Why?”

Mammon pointed an accusing finger at Belphegor, “Ya can’t just eat whipped cream for breakfast!”

“Why not? It’s dairy, so it’s not total junk.”

Mammon rolled his eyes, “That don’t make it better.”

Belphegor looked like he was about to answer, but he looked over at Leviathan instead, watching the sea demon burst into peals of laughter. Mammon grinned at Belphegor, hoping he understood how important it was that Leviathan was happy. Did Belphegor know about what had happened? Belphegor smiled back, scooping another spoonful of whipped cream into his mouth, his eyes shimmering with mirth and knowledge. So he did know. At least he wasn’t bringing it up. Mammon smiled as he finished making the first sandwich, hoping that today would be better than the last.

#obey me #shall we date obey me #obey me mammon #obey me belphegor #obey me satan #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me asmodeus #obey me brothers #obey me fanfic #obey me fanfiction #my writing #my fic #ao3 fanfic #one foot in front of the other #i need to update my fic archive more often damn #this fic came out almost three years ago #i feel old #i was just a baby writing this

[touchoffleece]

Reflecting back over the last few years of AO3 and why it was made in the first place (to archive fan works) and older fanfic enjoyers trying to warn about purges of days gone by

It feels ironic that we're now experiencing a new fanfic purge in some sense. Either authors are trying to hide their works for a sense of control over unwanted AI Scalping in AO3 because of it's success as the best place for fanfiction hosting. Meaning unregistered or people not logged in won't be able to find fanfictions because they are behind a curtain now essentially "purging fics" from the public. Not that I blame any author who chooses to do this, I actually am pro authors doing what they feel they need to. I've decided to private fics because I really don't even like the idea of it possibly happening to my shoddy drabbles if it hasn't already and feeding into the misuse of AI by people looking for easy money. Or we see this other type of 'fanfiction purge'. New generation of fic readers being more demanding of free passion projects to the point of being rude, and driving the authors to stop writing, or even have authors publicly state the increase in considering just deleting their works because of the shift in attitude in what fic readers decide to comment under works. This observation made from looking at comments of newer fandoms (be it ao3 comments or social medias) and seeing more and more comments just be "update soon!" (and those comments only ask for more) or some veiled demand for more content under the guise of 'a joke demand for more'. And while there is nothing wrong with letting a author know you like the story and would like to read more, when it's just constant "more" comments with no acknowledgement of anything that goes on in the story/update it comes off as dismissive of the work someone put into an update. It sucks to see people act entitled to demand more from fanfic authors who are generally associated with distress but willing to put updating a fanfiction above irl commitments because of the love they hold for their fanwork, only to get asked for more and more. We have seen and know of the memes, but hey: fanfiction writers are humans, humans with emotional limits regardless of outlandish sounding some author's notes come off of to people without context. Entitled comments more likely then not lead to burn out, or authors just deciding to stop writing or decide to take their works down to not feel harassed by people asking for more. I really don't know many creative oriented people who take constant demands for more and more work without some type of reward well; and while some might try and ask "Aren't comments in themselves a feel good reward for the authors? Isn't that enough?" It probably depends on the author, but when the comments are just constant "more!" "I need the next update now!" ect, it doesn't give much feel good vibes after the initial "oh someone liked what I wrote" because more often then not they will wonder "I wonder what they liked about it" only to see the comments are just people rushing to order more free fanwork to be devoured as fast as possible without appreciation to what was already shared to the public for free. This has turned into a venting rant from what I originally had thought when I got the thought in my head late at night, but I do want to include that this probably can be linked back to people underappreciating or being apathetic about comparative literature, media literacy, or just appreciate taking art and doing some deep thinking on it, and it's a damn shame it seems it has lead to what feels like a new fanfiction purge in a place meant to be a safe space for fanfictions. Another example of history repeating itself because of complacency and forgetting or choosing to ignore our past mistakes.

#rambles #shower thoughts #archieve of our own #ao3 #ao3 discourse #fanfiction #fandom #fandom meta #fandom history #pop culture #internet history #media literacy #it's a bit sad ao3 is experiencing a 'fanfiction purge' despite so many older fic readers trying to prevent it from happening #we live in a society #anti ai #anti ai writing

[imgeekgirlfan]

Renegada♱

Taglist: @707otto @juxt4p0siti0n @arcticversed (If you want to be added in this fic, just tell me in reply )

Pairings:  Amado Carrillo Fuentes x f!reader(Latina Reader) x Walt Breslin  [From Narcos: Mexico TV Series]

Content Rating : Mature 18+  Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warning (AT YOUR OWN RISK)

Synopsis : Everything that was happening on Aruba Island wasn't right at all. You know damn well when Amado kissed you. And when you heard the sound of the gunshots behind you

AN : I was almost giving up on updating this fic until I found new comments. Thank you to those who still enjoy my work. I will try to update as long as there are people waiting to read.

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𝙍𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙙𝙖♱ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

➡  Previous : Next

[5]ᅳ 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐢́𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐨 ✟

"Amado Carrillo Fuentes is more like a businessman than a drug lord. His background is clean compared to others in the same industry. This man is cautious and stays under the radar all the time. We need to know everything about him. Every detail matters.

That's a summary given by Bill Carter in the last meeting before you leave Mexico tonight.

And when the time comes, you have to leave everything about yourself behind. From now on, you'll have to breathe under the name of Camilla, a musician from Cuba. And it will be like this until you can safely return to Mexico again, if there are no mistakes during that time.

Amado's fascination with airplanes is more than what you imagined. You realize this when you're brought to his private airport. Lined up are all types and sizes of planes, totaling no less than a hundred. Every plane here belongs to Amado. Also, it's the same plane used to secretly smuggle tons of cocaine into America every year.

El Señor de los Cielos is the nickname drug dealers use to refer to Amado, the most powerful man both on land and in the sky. The man on top of the food chain

And this same man is waiting for you in front of a private jet. It's not difficult to notice him, with his flowing hair and the same old black shirt you first met him in, now covered with a bomber jacket. A satisfied smile passes through his sunglasses when you step out of the car. You briefly catch Amado's eye before flashing a smile back at him.

Starting the drama with a beautiful face and a survival instinct, just follow a few simple rules: just hold hands, just smile, and just turn a blind eye and pretend to fuck him a few times. Just run away before getting caught.

Throughout the time you step straight into him, you never know what you're really getting into.

Life can change suddenly and easily. One day you're still a CIA officer, and the next you become the partner of a criminal. And what will happen next? How many bombs will explode in front of you? How many people will die in your life? And when will death finally become yours?

You can't find answers to these questions.

Lately, you've often imagined the end of yourself, from the moment you closed your eyes to the moment you woke up—every pain you've ever experienced in the past, which still remains and continues to haunt you. It will never disappear until the end comes for you, just like it did for others before.

The end must come one day. And for the law enforcer who fights against the dark power all the time, there's no way this story will end well. Either with you or with Amado.

You know. You're prepared, unwaveringly. But it still turns out worse than expected.

------------------------------------------------------------ 

Aruba Island, Kingdom of the Netherlands

1600 (Military Time) *Three Hours Before the Incident*

Although it's approaching evening, the sunlight on Aruba Island is still bright and clear, no different from the afternoon. The scene in the travel magazine doesn't seem exaggerated at all when seen with your own eyes. The clean white sandy beaches, lush green coconut trees, and crystal-clear blue sea reflect the shimmering sun. It's breathtakingly beautiful here, and the atmosphere is just right—neither too quiet nor too bustling like the seas in Miami or Thailand.

This place is suitable for tourism, you think, and also suitable for opening a cocaine market for these tourists.

But Amado's purpose for coming to Aruba Island remains unclear, something you must urgently investigate while there's still a chance.

For you, every second is crucial and calculated, tension infiltrating every action.

But for Amado, it's the opposite. He seems completely at ease. You can tell from the relaxed smile on his face all the time.

You glance at Amado thoughtfully, not hiding your slight surprise as you see him change into a blue Hawaiian shirt, yellow shorts, and slip on sunglasses with a smile. He blends seamlessly with the other tourists. For you, this is quite a surprising and unexpected look compared to his usual all-black attire.

"What wrong, Mija?[1] You're staring at me too much, I'm starting to blush," he said, raising his eyebrows with a playful smile after handing you the Esquites[2] he bought from the nearby store. "Or am I so handsome that I'm stunning you?"

You chuckled and took the Esquites from his hand, then pretended to glance at him with a half-serious look. "It's not that much," you shrugged. "Just... average."

"Average? No, Mija. You should say, You look so handsome, Amado!"

You burst into laughter again, genuinely amused by this man's incredible sense of humor.

The dark stories you've heard about the drug wars in Mexico seem like distant memories here. There's no violence, no gunfire or explosions, and no cocaine. 

And your date, who was enjoying Esquites by the seaside with you at this moment, was hardly anything like a world-class drug dealer.

But beneath the seemingly ordinary and charming nature of Amado Carrillo Fuentes, you know what he's capable of and how dangerous he is.

Honey trapping [3] is another important method to access intelligence for secret agents worldwide. It's not your expertise compared to other spies, but you're confident that you can do it just as well. You intentionally charm him without going too far, being both a good speaker and listener, creating an atmosphere that's relaxed and friendly. Every conversation you have leads him to tell you what you want to know.

However, Amado's responses barely provide any significant information for the mission. It seems more like casual chit-chat. If it weren't for the fact that he is exceptionally clever and cautious, it would mean that he must be a very inane person.

Of course, you're damn sure he's not stupid. Amado is a true master of deception. What you can do is make him like you enough to let his guard down a bit, and that's the ultimate challenge of this mission.

There's still plenty of time. You think. And maybe...that was the first mistake that led to bad things in ways you never expected.

"I want you to answer truthfully, Mija."

That sounds like just another normal question from Amado, but not for you. You blinked slightly as you caught a hint of seriousness in his tone. Yet, you still pretended to smile as if everything were normal. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I do, right?"

For a moment, you hesitated. But you managed to maintain your composure, even though your heart was pounding with excitement and anxiety.

You couldn't predict why he asked you this question. You weren't sure if it was just one of Amado's tests, or worse, if he was starting to suspect you. But regardless, your answer would undoubtedly affect the entire mission, one way or another.

Because Amado was clear about wanting the truth. Ultimately, you chose to take the risk and answer as he desired. You softly reply, "i think I can figured as much."

"And aren't you afraid of me? Even when you know what I do?"

It could be either a threat or a challenge from the drug lord. You could feel Amado's piercing gaze, scrutinizing. However, this time, you handled it better than before. You turned to face him, inching closer without a hint of fear, even if just a little.

"Should I be afraid then?"

"Of course, you should be terrified, Mija," Amado's arms wrapped around your waist slowly, pulling your body closer until there was no space between you. The mingling sensation of his breath tickling your face, combined with the scent of cologne and cigarettes, made your heart race in a way different from before, clear and distinct.

It was too close—much closer than you thought. A slight flutter of nervousness crossed your mind, but you couldn't retreat, especially when you were under his tight arms.

Amado was too smart. He deliberately blocked off every escape route for you.

"My life has encountered many terrifying things,There's nothing left in this world that can make me scared anymore."

That was another truth you decided to reveal to him.

Certainly, you were afraid of the mission failing. But that didn't mean you were afraid of Amado. Years of CIA work exposed you to countless horrors. You had killed many and lost many. So, what reason did you have to fear someone like him?

It wasn't just Amado who tried to test or challenge you. You chose to do the same. It was a slight defiance and a steady gaze that showed your refusal to submit. That was enough to create even more surprise for the man known as the biggest in the drug trade, a man whom everyone else bowed to out of fear.

The sun had disappeared from the sky, gradually dimming Amado's face with shadows. However, his eyes still sparkled, no different from the streetlights. You tried hard to read his thoughts from his expression, but it was too difficult. You didn't know what he was thinking or what he would do next.

But his decision in the end surprised you.

His lips pressed against yours, catching you off guard. It was a brief  kiss, yet long enough to make you feel and remember every detail. the stubble of his beard, the bitter taste of cigarettes lingering on his tongue, the warm and humid heat in his mouth, intense with desire until your body trembled.

It felt as though your lips were being burned by an invisible flame, and the fire still smoldered deep within even after he pulled away. His hand lingered on your cheek, trailing slowly down to your chin, before using his thumb to touch your lower lip. Amado's eyes never left yours, and beneath those intense gazes, there was something dangerous and alluring hidden within.

"Will you dance with me?"

Even though you knew how dangerous he was, Amado was undeniably romantic. That was something you had to admit.

Nothing could be more romantic than dancing on the beach at night. And Amado knew it well. The moonlight shining brightly in the sky, the breeze blowing through your hair and skin, and the sweet melody of Latin music floating in the air. His large hand rested on the small of your back, and his arm wrapped comfortably around your waist, gently guiding your body to sway to the rhythm.

This time, there were no tests or challenge like before. "Just dancing with me" Amado said before pulling you back into his embrace. 

The dance proceeded quietly and calmly. The word 'calm' felt strangely out of place for a CIA like you. It was like a phrase that didn't exist in your life, But what was happening now might be the closest thing you could think of—a feeling of relaxation and comfort as you laid your head on his chest, and his thumb to massage your back.

This wasn't right at all.

Standing in a country where you hardly knew, in a street where you had forgotten the name, you felt safe next to a man you knew was dangerous. It wasn't something you should feel at a time like this with someone like him. You should say something, focus on the mission as you should, but at the same time, you didn't want to ruin what was happening. And Amado probably felt the same. He was silent, saying nothing, Everything between you and him was so quiet that you could hear the music, the laughter of other dancing couples nearby, the sound of the waves, and the sound of his breath blowing on your neck.

...Before the sound of the gunshots rang out.

------------------------------------------------------------ 

[1] Mija in Spanish means "daughter." However, in a slang context, it can mean "dear” or “honey"

[2]Esquites Another name for it is "elote en vaso" or "elote" (specifically in America). It's a well-known Mexican street food made with grilled corn, mayonnaise, spices, and cheese.

[3] Honey trapping is a method of investigation or espionage that has been used since World War II. It involves deception through the use of romantic or sexual relationships with a target individual who possesses important information or resources.

#narcos: mexico #amado carrillo fuentes #narcos mexico netflix #narcos x reader #amado carrillo fuentes x reader #amado carrillo fuentes x you #narcos fic #narcos mexico fanfic #narcos mexico fanfiction #narcos: mexico tv series #walt breslin #walt breslin x you #walt breslin x reader #jose maria yazpik #scoot mcnairy #Renegada♱

[lovova]

I see artists doing little showcasings of what they've accomplished creatively in the last year, decided that looks fun, and decided I'd do for myself an little inventory of what I've written in the last year as well, based on archive posts and what I can recall (I specify 'what I can recall', because I was not keeping track of when I did or did not update my main fanfic "Video Game Cruelty Potential" so...guestimates for that fic! I have 36 chapters, I can probably guess it was updated at least every other month) ~ So! For 2023: January: Did a fan-fanfic for my friend Lex called "The Other Rooms" where I explored off-scene implications of his cool-ass fic Room No.5 February: Created an alternate version of VGCP called "VGCP: Characters at their best" where I tried to explore some of the chars in the same setting being more well adjusted. I haven't gotten very far in it, but I am determined to get back to it this year! Also probably updated VGCP March: Did two short Kaito stories, an Oumota called "Playing with Phobias" where Kokichi messes with Kaito and a Saimota called "Luminary Hero of the Track Field" where Shuichi worries over Kaito's enthusiasm to sports while sick. April: Started what was MEANT to be a multi-chaptered Homestuck!V3 Kaito fic called "The Devotion of the Luminary of Skaia", but I haven't gone back yet to figure out what happens next yet. Thinking about it now, I think I was to make it a three chapter fic, but I just need to save some space to go back and outline it someday. VGCP? Maybe? May: A short Oumota piece called "Carnation: Please Handle Gently" that I got some awesome art commissioned for by the incredibly talented Ere. This short story inspired me so much that I'm actually basing a new original novel on the same concept~

June: I (believe) this was the month I finished Kaiden! An omegaverse original story I was writing and posting to Kindlevella. I am super proud of finishing that piece, and while I want to go back and create a more refined second draft before selling it as an Amazon book, I still LOVE this version as well. Very proud~ And VGCP!

July: Two Oumota short stories, "Touring Mortality" and "Execution Failed". Touring Mortality was especially fun to write, though I was amazed at the positive feedback Execution Failed got. It was very uplifting XD This was also the month I (re)started my original story "Pearls and Shackles". Also probably VGCP August: More Pearls and Shackles, more VGCP. September: Pearls and Shackles! Probably more VGCP! Can't remember! October: Can you guess? PEARLS AND SHACKLES! VIDEO GAME CRUELTY POTENTIAL!! November: This was a purely Pearls and Shackles month, and that was because I dedicated NANO (National Novel Writing Month) to finishing it. AND I DID! It super needs a second draft, its not ready to show off, but it EXISTS! So hell yeah!

December: A funny short V3 story called "Soulmate Goose of Enforcement!" I had a lot of fun collaborating with this one with Lex, and am hoping to do a chapter 2 with another great writer added to the mix too, Andromebaa. I also started the first two chapters of a new novel manuscript, a Hanahaki story about a pair of lesbians struggling with love in their own ways, but both trying their best! And, also, I updated "Video Game Cruelty Potential"

Did I overestimate how often I updated VGCP this year? Underestimate? I have no idea, that fic is almost 300,000 words long by this point, let's call an update every other month a generous average of how often I add to it. Other then VGCP, I did 8 Short Fanfics, finished a book, started and finished another book, and started a third book. And I'm not counting stories I had to write for my school year. Just ones I did out of the passion in my damn heart.

So, yeah! I'm pretty proud of this year, it was a good one. I hope anyone reading this had just as good a year! Writers, steal this idea, go looking back the year and brag about what you accomplished! You deserve it!

Have a good 2024 everyone!

[tfw-needs-baby]

sam winchester | internet personas

based on my own experience. 

read on ao3? 

Sam Winchester and his brother stumbled upon fanfiction and the fandom a while ago. He swore to himself that he would never, ever go back and visit the crazy people that existed there. 

Well, sitting in his room in the bunker, he was bored and had nothing much to do because the supernatural had been pretty quiet for the past month or so and he was scrolling aimlessly through new articles and finding nothing. He doesn’t know how or why the idea popped into his head, but it came and he was curious at the time, so why not? 

‘Best places to’ Nope, delete that. 

‘Where to join a fandom’ Delete that too. That just sounded stupid. 

‘Fandom friendly sites.’ Yeah, that sounded about right. He clicked onto the first link, and it immediately brought him to a site called ‘Fandom.’ 

How ironic. Although it didn’t exactly help him much, it was just an explanation guide to their platform and what it had to offer. The rest of the links weren’t much help either, and he sighed. Alright, how to find the fans...wasn’t there something called livejournal? 

According to a couple of articles, old and inactive journals had been purged, but were still doing pretty well. And then, the Winchester searched up ‘best places to read fanfiction.’ 

A couple of suggestions appeared underneath ‘Popular on the web.’ 

‘Wattpad - tumblr - kindle words - deviantart - archive of our own - asianfanfics’ 

Huh. Visiting a couple of sites, Wattpad and Fanfiction.net and Archive Of Our Own popped up frequently, so he decided to visit Wattpad first. He went to browse works and choose fanfiction, and it brought him to a selection of hot and trendy stories with millions of views on them. Woah. It ranged from k-pop to a selection of animes to CBS shows and weird crossovers. The ‘x reader’ tag seemed very popular and he shivered, reminding him of Becky. 

Signing up wasn’t hard either. It had only taken him a couple of minutes. But when he was reading a selected few from the hot section, they didn’t exactly grab his attention. A lot of them seemed to be written by younger ten to fifteen year olds. They did have a large amount of potential and amazing storylines, he’ll give them that. 

Then he wandered over to Fanfiction.net. The sign up process was easy, but the site was a bit more historical and a bit more him. There were multiple forums, and he scrolled down and viewed a couple of them. Oh. They were similar to roleplay, but just - more building along a storyline with it, if that made any sense. The sign up was pretty easy here too, and he smiled as two notifications popped up in his gmail for both sites. 

Backtracking now, he went off to ‘archive of our own,’ nicknamed ‘ao3’ for short and a paragraph popped up and he skimmed through it quickly. It was just a warning that everything could be viewed by whoever and whatnot. The writing here definitely seems way more advanced, way more complex and interesting, with canon divergences going all out and unheard au’s. And the cliche plots we’re simply adorable. 

He went over to sign up, and raised an eyebrow when it stated that you needed to get an invitation, and all you had to do was enter in an email. And wait a day for an invitation. 

Hopping onto tumblr, he made an account quickly and started scrolling through it, and everything seemed different somehow. Like, more modern day than the last time he came to the page. The fandom had definitely become smaller due to a ‘nsfw ban’ and he couldn’t decide whether that was a good or bad thing. They had gifsets of memories that had happened about three years ago, with their final stand against Chuck, and he smiled as he went through year’s old blogs that never updated anymore, reblogging everything ‘Supernatural’ underneath the username ‘babytrenchcoatnougat’ and he started to tear up when he stumbled upon a post where they had created a small art of playing the rainbow slinky with Dean based on a gifset of a memory. He still remembers how happy Dean had been when he got it just for him, he played with it for the next week. 

A couple of week’s later, Sam want’s to do more than reblog and comment on content. Sam does have artistic potential, and he could definitely look into that. Although, writing seems easier at the moment, and he scrolls through an endless amount of fanfiction on archive of our own - ranging from major character death to general fanfiction - from his brother and best friend sleeping together to him turning into the boyking to high school universes to Apocalyptic worlds where they have failed.

He wants to write his own world, where they’re all happy and care-free and able to actually live happily, where no one he’s loved has died. Making a post on tumblr he states: By any chance, is there anyone on this platform that can help me with a non-romantic general Supernatural fanfiction?

He places a couple of normal tags that fit into the category, then presses post. About an hour later, he gets a reblog from someone called @ misha-moose-dean-burger-lover [and wow, that sounds like a handful] offering to help. 

I’m available if you need me to, @ babytrenchcoatnougat ; what’s the plot? We can discuss more in DM’s if you’d like! Besides, I’m free for the week, but if you need a beta reader I can offer a couple of people that I know. 

Sam sends her a message. 

babytrenchcoatnougat: can you give me some advice or writing tips if you have any? i'm not looking to make any implied romantic pairings in the fic

misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: well, that depends, what’s the fic going to be about? 

babytrenchcoatnougat: i don't know yet, maybe team free will 2.0 just taking a roadtrip to nowhere without a destination in sight after defeating chuck?

misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: eeeeee

misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: that sounds like a awesome idea misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: you're definitely going to want to have specific destinations in mind, and only a hint of angst, and what they’re going to do at these locations 

misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: use transition words and make sure it doesn’t repeat often, descriptive details but don’t use it in every scene, and make sure there are frequent movements in the characters so they don’t sound so stiff, and make sure to slowly transition into the next scene, as time skipping to every scene will make the story seem boring. misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: make sure the characters aren’t ooc either! 

And so, Sam writes. He writes until his eyes hurt and he definitely needs some sleep, so he sends a quick message to a beta to read it over for him and they do, gushing about how the plot was wonderful and badly needed after all the terrible angst that occurred this season. He smiles, giving his thanks before uploading the first chapter out of 15, 13k words, onto ao3. 

[He checks over the grammar and tags over fifteen times.]

He can hardly contain his excitement, jumping around happily all day, even baking Dean a pie which makes him get sprayed with holy water and go through every test just to make sure he isn’t some supernatural creature. 

Later that afternoon, he checks his ao3 underneath the same username and finds out it’s gotten about 150 hits, and 38 kudos, which makes his heart swell. He’s also gotten a comment, and he presses comments eagerly. 

‘Kill yourself, psycho virgin fag.’ 

He re-reads the comment a couple of times, eyes tearing up and dropping his phone onto the kitchen table recklessly. What the fuck. Was his story really that bad? Did those people who didn’t leave a kudo really hate his story that much? Did the fans think his story was too child-like? Badly written? OOC? Do they really hate him that bad that he actually should commit- 

Sam breaks down right then and there, pushing his computer aside, placing his head down and crying softly. Castiel and Dean don’t find him until an hour later, and he’s still softly crying. They rush over to him, Dean quickly sitting to the right while Castiel sits to the left. “Sammy? What happened?” Dean asks, and the younger Winchester shakes his head. 

“N’thing.” He mumbles, and the older Winchester sighs. He’s just being stubborn, when he doesn’t want other people to worry about him, afraid that he’ll give them his problems. “Sam, please, if you talk to us, then we may fix the problem together. Remember, we made that promise two years ago, to be more open with each other.” The former-angel now archangel says, pushing Sam’s hair out of his face. Sam takes a shaky breath, pushing himself off the desk and grabs the laptop, opening it up to the recent fanfiction he had written, and Castiel and Dean both skim through it before Dean snatches the laptop. “Is this a fanfiction?” He looks at him as if he’s crazy, and Sam slowly shakes his head in agreement. Castiel walks over to Dean, both of them reading the first chapter silently, and everytime he glances over to see their reactions it seems unchanged. His brother probably thinks he’s weird, and Castiel is going to find him crazy-

“Damn, Sammy, you’ve got talent.” Dean says, and he actually sounds impressed. “W- what?” 

“That is incredibly written and a wonderful idea, I think we should go on a roadtrip ourselves,” Dean nodded in agreement. “Is this why you’re crying? I think this is perfect.” 

“Wait - you two do find it weird or anything?” 

Castiel and Dean look confused. “Why would you think that Sammy? I like it.” 

“You should uh - read the comment.” He says, and it takes the angel and older hunter a moment to find the comment section at the bottom, Castiel pointing at the button. Their faces turn into pure fury. 

“I’m going to smite them.” Castiel all but growls out, and Dean shuts the laptop closed. “Don’t listen to ‘em, this is fucking amazing, got it? I want the second chapter. Don’t listen to what anyone else says, they're probably jealous that we’ve got a New York bestseller writer and all they can do is write the abc’s.” Dean hugs his brother, Castiel immediately joining right in and Sam sighs happily. They stay there for a bit, muttering out a ‘thank you’ before jumping up slightly, seeing that he’s gotten two more comments on his fanfiction, and nervously opens up the comment section to see that a user called ‘quicksilvermalec’ writing on how much they enjoyed the fic and can’t wait to read the second chapter while an anonymous user has attacked the one that insulted him, throwing a whole truckload of insults and Castiel smiles. “They got what they deserved.” The archangel says, and Dean shouts ‘damn straight’ joyfully. “Would the two of you want to write fanfiction with me, then?” Sam asks while writing the second chapter about an hour later, and the unison ‘yes’ gives him a warm feeling in his chest. 

#sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #archangel!castiel #ficlet #gen fic #genfic #supernatural #fluff #representation week

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Can you explain some of the terms in the history of fandom purges post? For example, what is a pro-shipper blog??? I’m really scared to be deleted! I’ve bren here for years!

Of course, I’m happy to explain! This is a very brief summary, if there’s anything you need to know more about, I’m happy to do my best. Fanlore is also a good site to look up some more stuff!

This is looooooong so under a cut! This is the post in question, for those of you wondering. Let’s go through it from top to bottom. I’ll skip the ones with links because you can follow those links to get more information.

Several times in the ‘90s as you can see on the timeline, authors and creators (and big studios like Paramount and LucasFilm) went after fansites, threatening them with Cease and Desist (C&D) letters and shutting them down. This was fairly common practice, and it wasn’t until fansites like Fiction Alley got big enough, and had actual lawyers on their side, that fandom was able to fight back. Ao3 keeps lawyers on staff for this very reason, because fandom falls under “fair use” and is legal.

Anne Rice is mentioned several times on that post and that’s because she is notorious for going after people who do fanwork. She is extremely controlling about how her characters are perceived by others, including going after anyone who writes a bad review about her books, and people writing their own interpretations of her characters just gets her goat like nothing else, apparently. And she has the money and lawyers to take down quite a lot of people. Thanks to our darling Ao3, we can write as much damn Interview with a Vampire fic as we desire, but you can understand why most fan archivists and fanwriters didn’t want to touch that possible lawsuit with a ten foot pole.

And, if you’re wondering what AOL, an email system, has to do with fansites? Well, another way to share fic, even before fansites, was through email chains. YES, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT, READ AND LEARN, MY TINY CHILI BABIES. You had to sign up for an email newsletter to get fic! And oh, the fandom wars that could go on in this email chains… there’s a pretty infamous X Files one but that’s another post for another time. Anyway. X Files was one of the original “fandoms that ate fandom” (FTAF), a fandom so big that everyone was into it no matter what their original fandom was (Star Trek and Supernatural are two other examples of FTAF). AOL had a way of… how do I explain this… basically AOL was “hosting” a lot of the early prototypes of fansites, a version of the early email chains. So when The Powers That Be (TPTB) expressed their distaste for X Files fanfiction, AOL purged their X Files sites.

In the early 2000s, FanFiction.Net (FFN) was considered a safe haven. FFN was one of the first really big multifandom sites. Before that, if you wanted to read, say, Star Trek fic, you had to find a Star Trek fansite. If you then wanted to read X Files fic, you had to find an X Files fansite. And so on. Fan archives were often limited, and you might have to go to three different fansites to get all the fic out there, or even to get different kinds of fan material: a fic archive, a fan forum with news on the show/film/book, and a fanart archive.

Welcome to the dark days, my children.

Note: There are still some amazing fansites out there, filled with archived fic, fanart, and even some “virtual seasons” for television shows. If you or anyone you know is in charge of one of those archives, I beg of you to consider working with Ao3′s Open Doors project so that the fanwork on those sites can be preserved for future generations even after the original archivists pass on, lose funds, or lose interest.

Anyway, FFN was a huge relief for everyone because they no longer had to do all the work to archive our fic. Trust me, running an archive or even just uploading your fic back in the day could be exhausting. God forbid you get even one damn bit of your formatting wrong when you uploaded or it would all turn into a mess. And now, you could get your fic all in one place on one site! You didn’t have to sign up for all these different archives! You could have a single pseudonym and a single account for all your fic! The angels sang!

So when FFN got rid of fic without warning, it felt like a real betrayal. First, FFN banned porn, or anything they deemed to earn an NC-17 rating. Which is, as I’m sure you can immediately recognize, a sticky subject since people’s opinions are subjective about that. What does/does not qualify as porn? When is a fic too sexually graphic, what is and isn’t appropriate, etc?

Then FFN banned RPF, which stands for “Real Person Fiction.” If you write about Viggo Mortensen and Sean Bean banging each other, congratulations, you’ve written RPF (RPF was a big part of the Lord of the Rings fandom when the movies came out, fun fact, aren’t you all glad I went down this rabbit hole of research so you don’t have to). If you write about meeting Chris Evans in the airport and the two of you going on a date in the food court, yes, that is RPF.

The other FFN bans mentioned are script format, CYOA, Readerfic, 2nd person, and Songfic. Script format is where people would write things in, well, a script form. I don’t remember exactly why that was banned, I think it was a combination of fear of copyright infringement and just the formatting was so damn annoying to do. CYOA is short for “choose your own adventure” and was banned because it just got too unwieldy for people. This is creeping into gatekeeping territory on what is “legitimate” fic or not. “Choose your own adventure fic is annoying so we’re going to ban it!” is part of a slippery path on what is appropriate or not. “Readerfic” is written in 2nd person POV like so:

You open the front door and are immediately met with the smell of death. You’ve never been around dead people before, so you have no reason to know what the smell is–but somehow, some long-forgotten instinct tells you. You know exactly what this is.

Readerfic is where the reader, you, interacts with characters in a TV show. Take that little snippet I just wrote, for example. If that bit is a part of a larger fic where you’re a Loser and you’re friends with the kids from IT and help them defeat Pennywise, that’s an example of Readerfic. 2nd person is just any fic that uses the “you” as the POV instead of “her” (3rd person) or “I” (first person). This is one of my old-as-dirt Castle fanfics so excuse the quality but here is an example of 2nd POV fic. As you can see, Readerfic is 2nd person, but not all 2nd person is Readerfic.

Songfic is where a fic would use song lyrics throughout, sometimes to the point of annoyance, in telling the story. Basically it was where people would use a song that reminded them of their OTP and write a vignette based around that song. FFN banned it because again, fear of copyright C&D from songwriters and studios.

This was all in the early 2000s, as the timeline in that post shows, but it wasn’t the last time FFN banned things. In 2012 we all got yet another scare when FFN, without warning, purged a fuckton of fics in a porn crackdown. See, we all figured out preeeeetty quickly that nobody was moderating fics to see if we were following the “nothing NC-17 rated” rule, so people kept posting smut, myself included. FFN’s crackdown was sudden and we lost a ton of fic that way. It was after this ban that Ao3, which had been created c. 2009, really started to gain steam as people moved en mass over there.

Also, as the timeline shows, FFN used to have fandom forums. That was where people could discuss things. The forums had been pretty dead, what with LiveJournal and Tumblr, BUT, they contained a fuckton of valuable fandom discussion and meta. FFN purged them, and years of important fandom history was once again lost (along with juicy fandom gossip/wank/scandal… shut up we all have our guilty pleasures).

So that’s all the FFN stuff.

Gryffindor Tower, Sakura Lemon Archive, and some other examples on that list are not about fandom purges so much as they are about what happens when we have an archive run by just one person or a handful of people. That person dies, or is unable to foot the bill for the server, or the people in charge get into a personal argument. Whatever the reason, suddenly, that archive is gone. And so is all of that fic, and all of that history. Wiped away with a keystroke.

Strikethrough and Boldthrough on LiveJournal were similar to the FFN purges. You can read the whole story here, but basically a group of radicals claiming people in fandom were writing child pornography got LJ to purge a bunch of forums and pages, including a rape survivor forum and people who had only written 18+ consensual slash fic. Yeah, no shock that it’s always the slash fic (slash means m/m fic, femslash is w/w) that gets attacked no matter how G rated it is. Once again, everyone woke up to their journals, their forums, their fanwork, their years of history, gone.

Can you see the pattern here? A corporation like Marvel (another entry on this list) will go after fansites, and because Marvel has so much money and so many lawyers, the site caves and does what Marvel asks. Or a bunch of annoying people speak up, usually about smut/porn, and the corporation (LiveJournal, Tumblr, DeviantArt, etc) will get rid of blogs, fanart, fanfic, etc without warning.

This is why fandom cannot trust corporations. Corporations are out there to protect themselves legally by any means necessary and to make profit by any means necessary. Fandom inevitably clashes with that. So, inevitably, the corporation is going to turn against us.

In China, as you saw on the list, it’s especially bad because it’s not just corporations, it’s the government itself. And the government can, has, and will jail people who make fanwork that goes against what the government feels is “good/moral,” like slash fic.

*this section here edited 10/22/19 to update information*

The most recent are the Tumblr purges. Ah, the Tumblr purges. “Pro-shipping” blogs are blogs that are, as the poster of the list themselves explained in a reblog of this post, anti-anti blogs. Anti-blogs and antis are people who are against shipping. Pro-shipping blogs are blogs that are very aggressively “ship whatever you want” and “antis go away.” You’d know if you had a pro-shipping blog. So unless you have one of those, you’re good. I don’t really know the details about this one since that’s not really my discourse wheelhouse so you might want to ask around to get more information.

*okay we’re all updated now, back to the rest of the post*

And of course most of us know about the NSFW ban. Tumblr has a major problem with porn bots. Instead of staffing more people (Tumblr employs FAR too few people to handle the kind of upkeep this site needs) and having actual humans search through and find the porn blogs to delete them (which would be exceedingly easy, trust me, these porn blogs are not hard to find), they just let it keep being a problem. Eventually this led to Tumblr’s phone app being banned from the app store for inappropriate content.

Again, instead of dealing with this maturely and getting rid of the porn blogs, Verizon decided that all NSFW content was banned, and set about deleting all blogs they deemed NSFW. There is now an algorithm that determines if a post you made is NSFW, and it’s flagged and hidden, and you have to petition to get an actual human to look at it and decide if it’s NSFW or not. This algorithm, as I’m sure you can imagine, is absolute SHIT at finding actual NSFW material and will flag the most random BS.

Again, this is an example of a corporation purging and destroying our material. LGBT+ blogs discussing safe sex practices/giving sex advice, sex workers/cam girls who could safely use this site to make a living, rape discussion/survivor blogs, fanwork, people’s fun porn sideblogs, all of it once again destroyed.

Fun.

In just March/April of this year, in fact, several people’s blogs were deleted with no warning and for no reason. My dear friend @qqueenofhades lost her blog for weeks, and she and I and other friends had to petition tumblr daily to get it back (I sent so many emails that one tumblr tech got snarky with me). My darling @koortega suffered the same issue before getting her blog back. Alas, our dear @mearcatsreturns wasn’t so lucky–her original blog, and her years of work on it, were lost forever. Tumblr still hasn’t (to my knowledge) properly explained what happened, although it is telling that a lot of these blogs were queer-friendly, fandom-heavy content generators.

As the list said, this is why we need Ao3 and we need a solution for other kinds of fanwork like videos and fanart. This is why we can’t trust corporations to have our best interests at heart. This is why, despite all of us continuing to use tumblr, we need to find another solution for our fan blogging needs because they will screw us over again and again (until I become rich and famous and can buy this hellsite and run it properly dammit that is my lifelong dream don’t judge me).

I don’t think you’re in danger of getting deleted without warning, nonny. The company that now owns Tumblr seems to have a pretty good track record of running sites, and at least warning people before deleting shit. But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen again. I live in a state of… don’t be paranoid, but be ready, if that makes sense? Think of it like having an earthquake/tornado/hurricane first aid kit in your home. You aren’t constantly thinking about how you might need that kit for a natural disaster, but when that natural disaster hits, you have that kit ready.

Some people have backed up their blogs (I’m not sure how but you can google it or ask around). Others put their fic onto Ao3 (I backed up all my FFN fic onto Ao3 in 2016 for this very reason even though my FFN fic is, for the most part, utter crap). But we don’t have a long-term solution, which is what concerns people and is why that person made that list–to remind us of what we’ve lost and that we’re still in danger of it happening again.

I wish I had a better solution for you, nonny. I wouldn’t live in fear, if I were you? But I would ask around, and see if there’s a way to back up your blog. Because hurricanes do blow in.

#mads answers things #fandom #fandom history #fanfiction #fanfiction history #sorry this got so long #this was probably way more information than you needed nonny

[pocket-infinity]

I’m beginning to notice a pattern with my posts...

At this point I could honestly set my watch by how often I make stuff like this; like, I’m 90% sure that all of my original content involves The Only Option by @corruptapostasy (will I always say the full thing? yes. is it partially an excuse to tag the author so you know who they are? yes). Which, I mean, hey, I’m not complaining. But here we go again, once more, for the… 9th? 9th time. Spoilers, of course; read it, of course.

Look, I can’t run over the same things forever (no matter how much I adore them), so I’m not going to go on about how good and nice and otherwise excited and positive this makes me feel, and, of course, one can only say thank you so many times before it becomes devoid of all meaning. But what I am going to go on about is how much I love the expansion of everything — well, that’s not quite the word I’m looking for, but you’ll see soon enough. That’s enough vague rambling about nothing, let’s get into what I mean to say. I love the way this… is. I’m trying to keep my thoughts organized, and I know that’s the most broad statement, but it’s true. I genuinely adore everything in here, but to get my point across, let’s use my boy Lurien as an example. I mean, at first he just seems like a different permutation of Lurien, like something we’ve all seen too many times before; that lasts less than one chapter. By the second time we see him, we get to see the pain and worry this is causing him. His mind always turns to the suffering that’s going on; he always worries about what’s coming next. The thought of Hallownest ending brings him to tears immediately, and then everything goes straight to hell when the archives flood, because of course they do. That’s not what interests me about him, though; it’s the fact that he always manages to pick himself up and keep going again and again. I mean, it is fairly obvious that he’s not having the grandest time with the Radiances return (he seems to be the second most stressed about it, and I’ll explain in a moment), but he doesn’t let that stop him. His focus on the future kind of tips both ways; it lets him plan things and be where he needs to be when he needs to be there, but at the same time he seems kind of caught up in it. Now, as I was saying earlier, he’s the second most stressed, not far behind The Pale King, I don’t figure. And when he finally does have a face-to-face encounter with her, it becomes so obvious why. He was forced into slavery (whether from birth or not I have no idea), and the moment he stepped out of line, the Radiance scarred him for the rest of his life (both literally and figuratively). Not to mention that he’s more-or-less in a situation where he’s stuck desperately in love with someone who he will never have. The Radiance plays each and every one of these cards against him, being an absolute monster as she laughs and taunts and calls her work with the scars “beautiful” and makes constant sadistic remarks. She doesn’t even need to threaten him; both of them just know that she’s going to try to kill him. But Luren doesn’t break; I mean, he’s visibly shaking, and there’s obvious, intense trauma here (why wouldn’t there be?), but he holds it together and proves her wrong before going off to deck the Soul Master. Now, that was a long rant about Lurien, one character, not even the protagonist. All of the events I just described occur in a total of 3 different chapters. There are 8 out, currently. So I don’t think I need to begin to describe the magnitude of development that people like The Pale King or The White Lady or Grimm go through. Hell, chapters 5 and 8 have two of my favorite scenes because when PK finally does run out of patience, so much is revealed, and that’s on top of the development happening more subtly all the damn time. And with Grimm, too, everything changes and develops as time goes on, but I don’t want to drop a post about a quarter as long as the fic itself describing how much I love each character and their arcs and development. Oh, and did I mention that a quarter of the length of the pic would be just under 50,000 words? Because that’s worth noting. And that’s the central characters I’ve been focusing on, I haven’t even begun to mention things like the new lore or the magnificence with which the 5 knights are written or the goddamn Seer whom we adore in this household or Enkay or the Fundament or anything else! So let’s get on that, huh?

The Lore is something magnificent. We’ve got rituals; we’ve got backstory; we’ve got ancient eldritch gods; we’ve got the way gods are made; we’ve got million-year-old history; we’ve got fucking everything we could want and then some at our disposal, y’all. Everyone’s magic is different, the Pale King’s backstory is so wild and twisting that holy hell I’d end up going half-insane with excitement if I tried to talk about it (but hey that’s already happening so). But if The Pale King is the gold standard for lore, then Grimm is a fucking diamond mine. There is Too Goddamn Much for me to cover here, but let’s get some things listed: past incarnations, regaining memories, inter-incarnation relationships, conspiracy and cloak and dagger between those incarnations and certain external individuals (*cough* Pale King *cough*). There’s so much, and I love it — oh my god I never mentioned god splitting. It is a remarkably fresh, creative, and incredible concept that I just haven’t seen before. Granted, it could be from some real-world mythology I’m unfamiliar with, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve never seen it done, and damn is it done well. It’s essentially— well— okay just go read it I can’t do it justice with my words because, although it would probably be easily possible for me to actually describe what’s happening, it has a certain level of gravity and intrigue, or at least to me it does. Not to mention that context makes everything better as far as stories are concerned.

I could go on for days (I already have and will continue to do so), and I probably will end up updating this at some point with the other things I so adore, but for now I’m going to leave it here. I sincerely cannot recommend anything higher than this, so please, do yourself a favor and read it.

#the only option #hollow knight

[femslashhistorian]

Alpha/Beta/Omega (A/B/O) Supercorp AUs (short f/f fic rec)

Warning: A/B/O is controversial and clearly not for everyone (not sure what A/B/O is? see fanlore).

This short Supercorp AU fic rec exclusively features Alpha/Beta/Omega (A/B/O) or omega verse stories; including g!p (girl penis).

If you are not comfortable with this, than stop reading now - you can look at the dozens of femslash fic recs that I have done that feature neither.

If you like Supercorp and heard of A/B/O and were thinking of giving it a try, then this is for you.

This is not a full rec post, just a short and quick rec list - with some thought thrown in for some of the fics.  

All fics are smutty and mature or explicit. Don't forget to check the tags and author's warnings. Regarding story, there is everything from PWP to deep and meaningful stories - and everything in between. 

While Alpha!Kara is more popular (clearly the majority of the stories on AO3) I like Alpha!Lena just as much, in fact I think it is an interesting dynamic. Thus I have included both.

Alpha!Lena / Omega!Kara

The Need by TheEvangelion

[Completed, 1 chapter, 10k words, 2019]

Alpha Lena/Omega Kara — Kara has just had a baby and their first heat postpartum is coming fast and hot. Creative problems require creative solutions for the couple, and Lena is anything but gentle with her woman of steel. (Anal, lactation, knotting, biting.)

This one is pretty sweet - in addition to smut.

 Heat Wave by Kendrene

[WIP, 5 chapters, 18k words, 2019]

Nobody expected Kara to present, but when she turns out to be an Omega and loses control of her powers at the same time, Alex has no choice but to have her locked away inside the D.E.O.

However, when it becomes clear that her heat may last longer than a human one without an Alpha to take care of things, Alex's ex-girlfriend, Maggie, comes up with a plan. A plan involving none other than Lena Luthor, Kara's friend, and secret crush.

After all, asking your best friend to knot and mate you so you don't end up killing anybody isn't a big deal, right?

Usually it is Alpha!Kara who get locked up inside the DEO, but in this fic it is Omega!Kara. Interesting premise, with background Sanvers

 Sweetest Goodbye by Slysupercorp

[WIP, 4 chapters, 14k words, 2019]

Supergirl comes across Lena Luthor at a very inopportune moment and the consequences force out the truth. Can they find a way to forgive each other?

Alpha!Kara / Omega!Lena

Don’t Make It A Habit by Aspidities

[Completed, 6 chapters, 25k words, 2019]

When Kara goes into unexpected and unpleasant rut, Lena offers a helping hand. Because what else are friends for, right?

This one is really well written. Combines A/B/O with FWB. First part of an ongoing series. Kara is Supergirl

  A Dangerous Attraction by Kendrene

[WIP, 3/4 chapters, 12k words, 2019]

Lena Luthor may be an omega, but she will stop at nothing to achieve what she considers to be the greater good. Not even if it puts her right onto Supergirl’s hit list, and especially because, unbeknownst to everyone else, she has the alpha wrapped around her finger.

Of course, she’ll never admit that she’s in love with her archenemy either.

 Evil!Lena (sort of?), very interesting premise. I love this one.

 Strange by mid_sweettalk

[Completed, 1 chapter, 7k words, 2018]

Lena knew there was something different about Kara--well, aside from being an alien. Lena was used to being "on edge" around Kara, but it had gotten to the point where all Kara had to do was walk into the room and Lena's underwear would be soaked through. Something very strange was happening to Lena, and Kara Danvers was the one with the answers.

Different premise again. In this one Lena was originally not an Omega. And Kara is really very, very sorry.

 SuperAlpha by TheEvangelion

[WIP, 26 chapters, 70k words, 2017-2019]

Alex and Maggie have been taking bets since they were first mated over whether Kara is an Omega or an Alpha. Twenty-three years old and she has still yet to present as either. But when Kara turns up to the DEO starting her rut, panic ensues over what the Woman of Steel will be capable of doing in her desire for an Omega. Until Alex can trust Kara around human Omegas during her rut, she makes the decision to put her sister in a cell until she can figure out what to do.

To no surprise, the only Omega that Kara has been around, Lena Luthor, is coming into her heat and desperate in her search for Kara. This mess, along with a damn Luthor who refuses to be told no, is the last things Alex needs. After all, she's hiding a pretty big secret of her own...

Then again, Alex isn't the only one with a secret or two.

A really long one that starts with Kara getting locked up. Background Sanvers.

  Flagrare by Ryaninthesky

[WIP, 2 chapters, 7k words, 2017]

Kara is trying very hard to suffer through her heat alone, far away from the woman she's helplessly attracted to. Of course, Kara going radio silent just makes Lena more determined to see her, and even though humans don't have Alphas or Omegas like Kryptonians do, Lena's still in trouble when Kara's pheromones affect her too.

Porn with feelings? And the tiniest hint of exposition.

Incomplete and the last update was quite a while ago but worth reading.

 Strangers with Benefits by smutaboutyou

As I had written about this one before (Supercorp AU Fic Recs Part 3) I re-used the text.

Setting: Supergirl TV 2015 (DCU), AU (Alternate Universe) g!p, ABO, College/University, no powers

Relationship: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor (Supercorp) (f/f)

5 Chapter, 33k words (as of 2019-01-06, incomplete)

Published: 2018

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Additional Warnings/notes: PWP, ABO, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, g!p, Girl Penis Kara Danvers

“It’s not like I wouldn’t return the favor.” “Return the favor?” Kara’s brow crinkles. “Yeah, you know… You pound me silly during my heats. And I'll ride you till you break during your ruts,” Lena says in a breezy tone. Kara promptly chokes on her coffee.

a.k.a. A fic where two (almost) perfect strangers agree on a mutually beneficial sexual relationship, but end up falling in love like losers.

a.k.a. A classic FWB AU with an omegaverse twist.

I rarely rec ABO stories (not sure if I ever have) but if I recommend only one it should be this one. Additionally it is also a WIP fic which I also rarely recommend, but I need to include it here because it is brilliant.

It is an ABO / omegaverse story - but it is probably not a lot of things you might think of when you read this. It is also a no powers college/university AU. This is a pretty "normal", modern society that is dealing with the "issues" of an omegaverse in "civilized" and rational ways (e.g. there is medication available). There is no dubious consent and similar aspects often found in ABO stories. The basics of an omega verse however do remain. There are Alphas, Betas and Omegas. Kara is a female Alpha (also g!p/girl penis) and Lena is an Omega.

Told from Lena’s POV this is a wonderfully written strangers to friends with benefits to lovers story. To quote one of the author's tags: "Porn with hella plot".

One of the things I love about this story is how well it blends Supercorp into an Omega verse and how much it turns many Omega verse tropes around: Kara is shy and an awkward alpha. Lena is assertive and strong and she really cannot stand the hormone suppressants that she needs to take once a month. She really prefers the "traditional" way.

 This was cross-posted to Pillowfort, tumblr and my WordPress blog

If you liked this, you might enjoy

US President AU femslash fanfic rec (Xena AU, Supergirl, General Danvers, SuperCat) [tumblr] [WordP]

8+3 Great Black Hill (Natasha / Maria, MCU) Fics [tumblr] [WordP]

Supercorp AU Fic Recs Part 1 - Distorted Realities: of Time Travel, Amnesia and Black Mercies [tumblr] [WordP]

#supercorp #alpha beta omega #supercorp fanfiction #supercorp femslash #supercorp short fic rec #short fic rec #fanfic rec #fanfiction recommendation

[sloumate]

Hello my friends! Here I am, once again, with a recap of the fics that warmed my heart during 2018. It was a bit of a weird year for me, not gonna lie, the first half was very good (I graduated from uni, so there was that, yay), but the second half was a bit meh :\ i lost myself in the absolute uncertainty of the future and anxiety has been eating away at my soul. Both the fandom and fics have always been a safe place for me, but towards the end of the year i started feeling slightly detached from everything so it was a bit of a slow one, even fic-wise.

Angst aside, good fics have always been and still are the best way to lure me right back in, and for that, I have to thank all the authors mentioned under the cut: you’re all legends and I genuinely hope you feel as loved as you made us feel with your words.

A big thank you also goes to a group of people that kept me updated on all fronts, shared with me some of these gems and definitely made my year much brighter: @imlt-archive​, @pinklucozade​ (who also made the banner above, so thank you very much bee ♥), @moonloueh​, @louistomlinsonsz​, @mattbelloumy​ & @nouies​ ✨

But let’s get to business: here are my favorite fics of the year. They’re listed in chronological order and the ones that are marked with a ♡ hold an extra special place in my heart. Hope you’ve read most of these during the year, but if you haven’t, well, here’s a treat for 2019:

{ 2016 / 2017 / more fics here }

As We Were, As We Are by jaerie / @jaerie / 51k / ♡

Alex is a British soldier who has been injured in battle, Louis is a RAF pilot with amnesia. Somehow they put each other back together even if they get separated along the way.

Now In A Minute by thealmightyavocado / @avocadolouie​ / 150k

13 feels like yesterday for many people, but for Louis it actually was. / Or the 13 going on 30 au that should have been done years ago.

Try to not remember (rather than forget) by hereforlou / @hereforlou / 59k

Harry hadn’t left, not really. He had been right there the entire time. And that’s what had made it worse, knowing that his body was within touching distance but his mind, everything that made Harry Harry, was lost somewhere Louis wasn’t able to reach. He hadn’t left, but that’s what it had felt like most of the time. Just as if one day Harry had up and left him. / Or, the one where Harry wakes up.

A Study in Love by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings​ / 24k / ♡

Louis knows everything about everyone which has put him at a great and weird advantage over nearly all of them since the very beginning. He can solve any puzzle before most people know where to begin. He is rarely perplexed, mistaken, or wrong, and obviously, Louis is never ever surprised. And yet, his new flatmate after a very long string of failed ones has Louis questioning how he ever did any of it without him. [part 2 / part 3]

Chased the High by crimsontheory / @ireallysawanangel / 12k

Working as a fireman is a tough job. Being in love with your best friend and fellow fireman is also a tough job. / Or the one where Louis and Harry are both fireman and Louis doesn't know how much longer he can go on harboring his feelings for Harry.

When We Find Love by angelichl / @angelichl /38k

The famous/not-famous AU in which Louis lives in a house by the lake and doesn't know Harry is famous.

Take my hand and make the stars collide by tolvsmol / @rosesau​ / 15k / ♡

It all started with a few too many shots and ended with Louis drunkenly betting Harry to marry him – apparently “You won’t” is enough incentive for both of them, because now they’re at a rundown motel with a 24 hour chapel, and they’re giggling and kissing in the pews as they wait their turn. Except Louis sort of lost his buzz an hour or so ago, but he’s too afraid to say anything. Where does ‘marrying your best friend under false pretenses’ fall in terms of moral ambiguity? (Louis almost calls it off right then and there, until Harry admits he’s also dead sober, but… why not go home with one hell of a story anyway?) / or the one where what happens in vegas doesn't always stay in vegas.

Make Your Words A Weapon by HelloAmHere / @helloamhere​ / 36k / ♡

Louis is a music critic, Harry is a rockstar, soulmates are destiny but no one ever said destiny was easy, music is everything.

Simply Irresistible by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings / 12k

Louis only comes to town to start up a successful restaurant, but finds he can't quite leave once the job is done. Though, that might have more to do with him falling for his quirky neighbor than anything else.

Smoke & Mirrors by sincewewereeighteen / 59k

"What are we drinking then?” He asks Harry, claiming his place sitting on the stool by his side. “Tequila.” Harry replies. “Is this a good idea?” “Neither is sleeping with you, probably, but I’m going to do it anyways, so…” He hands Louis a glass. “Bottoms up!” / Or: the one in which Harry hates Louis, but doesn't know him. And then... He does.

Gonna dream of how you (tasted) by hereforlou / @hereforlou / 21k

The one where Harry needs a handyman and it turns out they have a bit of a history.

Loving You, It's Explosive by missyoubabycakes / 12k

Harry is obsessed with organization and Louis makes way too many jokes. Somehow, they're made for each other. / or Louis can't properly work because he's so in love and Harry just wants him to admit that.

Don't Let the Tide Come and Take Me by kiwikero / @icanhazzalou / 28k

The aquarium in the lobby has been there as long as Louis can remember, and so has the merman inside. That is, until the day Louis loses his job and decides to set the creature free. They set off on a road trip to the sea, learning to communicate more and more each day. Their destination is LA, but the closer they get and the more Louis gets to know the merman, the more he dreads having to say goodbye. / Or, the one where Louis decides to set a merman free and ends up finding his own freedom along the way.

Into The Midnight Sun by summerwine / @smrwine​ / 63k / ♡

It's 1983, Harry embarks on his first world tour and Louis is a budding actor in LA. Life spent apart isn't easily adjustable, but somehow they make it work.

Sun Means The Sky'll Be Blue by PearlyDewdrops / @curlsandlashes​ / 91k / ♡  

As the only singleton under thirty attending his cousin's five-day wedding, Harry is desperate to find a date, or at least a reason to get people's questions about his love life off his back. So when Louis, Harry's old uni roommate and fellow wedding attendee waltzes back into his life, Harry seizes the opportunity, pretending Louis is his ex-boyfriend and that it's a sore subject not to be mentioned. If it's a little bit closer to the truth than Harry would like, well, he's a master at living in denial. So cue a mess of trudged-up feelings, past misunderstandings, a rekindled summer romance and a whole lot of sexually-charged bickering.

Keep this love in a photograph by suspendrs / @suspendrs​ / 48k / ♡

“I could never forget a damn thing about you, Harry Styles, not even if I wanted to,” Louis says. His hair falls into his face when he glances over at Harry, the moonlight reflecting off of it and making it glow golden, like maybe Louis himself is the sun. Harry thinks of how dark and cold his life got once Louis went away, how Harry got a taste of the sweetest sunshine imaginable and then was plunged into the longest winter of his life. He feels like he’s been buried under mounds of snow for months, years, and he’s finally made it to spring, finally getting another taste of how wonderful life can be. / Or, it’s 1919, and Harry’s been falling in love with his best friend for his entire life.

Wild Love by purpledaisy / 130k / ♡

Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

Ain't That A Kick In The Head! by lesbianharrie, wreckingtomlinson / 22k

In which Harry’s a disaster gay who doesn’t know shit about soccer, Liam drinks too many blue raspberry Coolattas, Niall knows everyone, Zayn looks dead, and Louis is Not Happy about sharing his breakout moment with “Drunk Hawaiian Guy.”

A Taste of Desire by casuallyhl / 104k

A Victorian ABO where Harry is the owner of the most successful cotton mill in Manchester, and Louis is an opinionated social activist about to disrupt Harry’s world.

Tissue-thin lies by HelloAmHere / @helloamhere​ / 5k

Louis has a cold but he's FINE.

This Melody Was Meant For You by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings​ / 32k

The Marie Henry Conservatory of Music has been around for ages, and not once has it ever admitted anybody besides the traditional, classical music student. Or at least they hadn’t until a few select outsiders are let in to mix things up and to give someone like Louis a chance.

Loyal Knight and True by rainbowninja167 / @rainbowninja​ / 51k / ♡

In contemporary Oxford, Harry Styles and Niall Horan run a magical bookshop, unbowed by an entire academic establishment that insists magic doesn't even exist. Sometimes, Harry finds, it's much easier to have faith in magic than in himself. Louis Tomlinson is a classically trained poet who needs something to believe in, and Liam Payne longs to be a part of something magical. But when the lines between reality and fiction - poetry and magic - start to blur, can they trust each other to keep track of what's true?

You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home by styleandsin / 43k / ♡

Louis needs a break from everything, from acting and the constant pressure of life in LA. He decides to move back home for a bit, some time with his family is exactly what can lift his spirits. What he doesn't expect is to fall in love. Both with the town he hated so much so that he couldn't wait to leave it years ago and with a curly haired florist that was the complete opposite of the guys he'd often meet in LA.

When the city shines (like the sun at night) by fondleeds / 37k / ♡

Love, Simon AU.

Oh, We're In Love, Aren't We? by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings​ / 30k / ♡

After sixteen wonderful years of friendship, it's hard to imagine any grand (and usually dumb) plans they haven't had or some type of mischief they haven't gotten into together. But, when Harry suddenly finds himself without a fiance and Louis just wants to help him feel okay again, they realize falling in love is one thing they haven't done, and that's about to change.

You came into my life by disgruntledkittenface / @disgruntledkittenface​ / 57k

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

The Second Hand Unwinds by FullOnLarrie / @fullonlarrie​ / 51k / ♡

Louis Tomlinson is one of the first members of NASA's top secret Chrono Exploration Program. When things go wrong and he's sent further back in time than planned, he has no other option than to show up on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

The Lonely Planet Guide to Second Chances by 1Diamondinthesun / 102k

When Harry and Louis broke up, the last thing on Harry's mind was the non-refundable surprise trip he had booked for them across Europe. Harry was supposed to be moving on, not sightseeing with his ex. In hindsight, touring the continent with Louis was probably a bad idea. So naturally, that's exactly what Harry did. / Or, the breakup travel fic featuring romantic sunsets, awkward bed sharing, and second chances against a backdrop of some of Europe's most iconic cities

Truth, justice, and the gay way by hattalove / @hattalove​ / 2k

Liam needs a costume. Louis needs a best best friend award, a holiday, and to get a grip. (Harry's just in the right place at the right time.)

I believe him when he tells of loving me by bitterlee / 28k / ♡

Louis doesn't remember Harry. Harry takes him home.

When the Sun Won't Let You Sleep by allwaswell16 / @allwaswell16​ / 30k

Four years ago, Louis Tomlinson left the UK to live on an Antarctic research station for reasons best left in the past. He’s carved out a life for himself on the ice and has dedicated himself to his research, his friends, and especially the Halley VI research station. He’s less than thrilled when he learns that Harry Styles, a glaciologist from another base who once broke his heart, will be coming to Halley, and he’s definitely unprepared for the upheaval Harry brings with him.

Take It To The Limit by taggiecb / 35k

Louis Tomlinson enjoys the simple life. He has his house, his family, and his friends all in the tiny town of Petty Harbour, Newfoundland. When he isn’t spending the winters plowing out the residents and keeping Liam and Niall company at Payne’s pub, he’s out on the open water doing the one thing that he loves the most, fishing. Harry Styles is a traveler. He lands in the tiny town to try to find himself. What he finds instead is a beautiful blue eyed man who seems to have everything figured out. But even a brick house can be damaged by a storm if it’s big enough. Can Louis’ perfect life and their relationship survive the tumult that’s coming?

What Our Souls Were Meant To Do by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings​ / 34k / ♡

All Harry’s father wants is for his son to marry as soon as possible and give their family another heir. All Harry wants to do is fall in love.

Where your lips land by BriaMaria / 12k / ♡

A love story told through Louis' tattoos. / or the Tyler Knott Gregson-inspired AU where Louis is a poet who lives in Montana and Harry is a photographer passing through.

Just call me inspiration by hereforlou / @hereforlou​ / 51k

The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world. / Or, the one where Louis is a writer, Harry is an art student, and they inspire each other in very different ways.

Love Me Please by angelichl / @angelichl​ / 23k / ♡

Louis hates Harry, which is fine because he would really rather prefer to avoid him at all costs. The only problem? They're soulmates.

O' Christmas Tree by Justalittlelouislove / @justalittlelouislove / 15k / ♡

Louis has a busy schedule to keep and a daughter to raise. He definitely isn't looking for a relationship. Enter Harry Styles, a local Christmas tree farmer that seems just a little too good to be true.

For As Long As I Can Remember (It's Been December) by green_feelings / 128k / ♡

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet. Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

#2018 fic rec #hl fics #fan fiction #rec list #larry #larry ff #larry fics #ao3 #fic masterpost #fic rec #mine #ls fics #hl #fics

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic: An Internal Affair - Chapter 11 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The Flash Pairing: Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: Leonard Snart, the CCPD Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

—————————————————————————————————

Len had been having such a good day before this, too.

Allen (Barry, you should call him Barry - but not yet) was knee deep in CSI work, so he hadn't had time for a proper date, but they'd been texting and had met briefly to go for coffee once or twice and then again a couple of days later for lunch. All in nice, well-lit places that appeased Danvers.

Thawne reported that he and Iris were making some progress in their investigation of the disappearances, mostly interviewing people who'd submitted complaints that appeared Flash-related. They’d exhausted the list of people who’d complained to the CCPD and had gone to the mayor’s office to dig into the complaint archive there in case there were others.

Danvers had shaken his tree of contacts on his behalf and continued to find no evidence of Allen's corruption in relation to any Family, although his involvement with STAR Labs in some capacity was at this point undeniable.

He still hadn't gotten a warrant for STAR Labs (oh, did he ever want a warrant!), but the pile of evidence he was going to use to apply for one was growing nicely.

And then he'd come here and his world had fallen apart.

"So what's that mean?" Len asks through lips that feel like they've gone numb. "Does that mean - are you saying we gotta -"

"No, no," Dr. Callahan assures him. She's a competent-looking Latina woman in her thirties, whose usually mildly distracted air could turn into razor-sharp focus at a moment's notice. Len had picked her to be Mick's primary physician because he'd been oddly comforted by her habit of always carrying a small, thick paperback in her coat pocket. "We're nowhere near the point of needing to make end-of-life decisions."

Len nods shakily. That's good. Because if they asked him to pull the plug on Mick, he's not sure what he'd do.

Shoot himself next, maybe.

"I just wanted to be clear with you about timeline," Callahan continues, gently but firmly. "He's still well within the boundaries of a plausible coma, but given how well his burns are progressing, we're starting to get to the end of where we feel comfortable assisting with medical induction. But the more we phase it out, the less positive the signs are."

"What's that mean?" Len asks again. "Does it mean there ain't no hope of him waking up?"

"There's always hope," she says. "But this next month or so is probably crucial: he either wakes up on his own, or we have to start seriously considering the possibility that he won't wake up at all and adjusting his care accordingly. And that means discussing what might be the best care going forward, which does include end-of-life options."

Len nods dully. Mick hadn't had a DNR order on file, the idiot, but Len knew he didn't want to be one of those unfortunate creatures kept alive by machines years after all hope was extinguished.

He'd made that clear to Callahan, and that's what she was referring to: if Mick didn't wake up, they were going to talk about - to talk about -

Len's killed men before. Some women, too, if they were rotten - never children, despite a few jokes about wanting to strangle particularly loud ones.

He's never killed a friend before.

"I wanted to discuss this with you now so that you had time to get yourself ready, should the worst come to pass," Callahan says. She's sympathetic, he can tell, but she knows him well enough by now to know that he wouldn't appreciate any expressions of that sympathy. "We're going to do everything we can this month - pull out all the stops, so to speak - but in the end, it's going to be up to him."

Len nods mutely. His hand has somehow found Mick's on the bed, through no intention of his own, and he's squeezing it hard enough that his knuckles have gone white.

Callahan says some other things, more reassurance that there are still things they have to try, but he mostly tunes her out and eventually she goes away and leaves him there.

"Mick," he whispers, and his voice is scratchy. "Mick."

He hasn't really faced up to the idea of Mick not waking up. Oh, he's thrown in an "if" in his thoughts and words, but he's never really believed it.

His whole life is still centered around the belief that Mick will wake up one day: Danvers' increasingly long group chat of updates on Len's life, meant for Mick to one day read; his ridiculous crush and now possible-relationship with Allen, meant for Mick to learn of and hopefully approve...

His revenge, meant as a gift to help convince Mick to forgive him all his lies.

All dreams. All hopes.

All dust in his mouth.

He's never going to talk to Mick again. Never get the benefit of his kindness, his crass humor, his understated wisdom and insight into the human soul. Into Len's soul. He's never going to hear Mick lecture him on his health, on eating his vegetables, on not hanging out with Charlie too much. He's never -

There's still hope, Callahan said. Still hope.

He just can't see it right now.

It's a bad night.

Allen tries to text, but Len turns off his text notifications. Danvers calls, but he hangs up on her - not that that stops her from actually coming and banging on his window, but he snarls at her to go away and she does. Even Lisa calls - at Danvers' encouragement, no doubt - and Len's sense of duty as an older brother makes him pick up, but he doesn't actually say anything more than "This ain't a good time, Lise," and remaining otherwise mute.

Hearing her voice does help a little, though.

It helps enough that when Danvers shows up to escort him to work the next morning, jaw set in a manner that suggests refusal isn't an option, he agrees to go.

Work will be good, he thinks. Thinking certainly isn't doing any favors.

It doesn't work.

Len spends the morning staring down at the paperwork he's supposed to be filling out with an overwhelming feeling of despair. He knows he's doing good work, necessary work, vital work cleaning up the city police into something worthy of the name, but what good is it, really, if Mick's not going to be around to see that Len being a cop isn't actually all that bad?

When you have nothing, you still have your duty, he reminds himself, and forces himself to pick up the pen. You still have your city, which you love.

Paperwork isn't really doing it for him today, though. Necessary, yes, but he's already gone as far as he can right now - the DAs won't take any new cases out of his backlog unless he can prove something truly egregious, and there's only so many subpoenas and wiretapping warrants he can fill out.

He needs action.

That's why it's a relief when Iris sweeps into his office in the early afternoon, taking one look at him and announcing, "You look like reheated crap."

"Reheat crap often, do you?" Danvers asks grumpily from her desk. She's been stressing about him since last night; she's entitled to a bad mood. "We usually just flush it away, here."

Iris is surprised into a snort, which interrupts the entrance line she'd no doubt had lined up. "Okay," she says. "That was a good one. That was really good. A+ for both timing and delivery."

Danvers smiles a bit at that. "Captain Snart's not exactly feeling up to company right now," she adds.

"Captain Snart is right fucking here," Len says through gritted teeth.

"See?" Danvers tells Iris, who nods.

"I just need something really quick, I promise," Iris says, shifting over to speak to Len directly. "Eddie got pulled away on a precinct-wide thing going on today - something about a gorilla? I'm not sure - and I wanted to follow up on a lead that I got, but he insisted I clear it with you first. We all good?"

Len, not being an idiot, blinks slowly at her. "Funny," he says. "Nowhere in that sentence did you actually inform me of what lead you're intending on following up, where, and what you're planning on doing that Detective Thawne sent you here first."

"Damn," she says mildly. "You're sharp as a tack, aren’t you? Okay, fine. I want to go question a guy who supposedly got fired from STAR Labs right before the Particle Accelerator went live. I found his name in Mason's notes."

Mason Bridge - that was the newspaper editor from Iris' internship, the one that had been her supervisor. He'd been one of the more recent disappearances.

"I thought all his notes had disappeared along with him," Len says. "What with him being paranoid over anyone getting a glimpse at them."

"Says the hypocrite," Danvers coughs.

"So did I," Iris says, smirking at Danvers. "But then it occurred to me - after talking with Kara here, actually! - that he might've asked one of the CCPN secretaries for some help with them at some point during his career, and one of them was actually able to show me a secret nook in his office where he kept some files in the event of a fire. Sadly not all of them, but it did have this one guy's name. That's something, right?"

"That sounds like a very promising lead," Len says.

"That's what I thought!"

"What's the guy's name?"

"No way," Iris says. "I'm not telling you that; you might try to assign the follow-up to someone else. I’m tired of sitting around in the mayor’s office’s archives digging through papers; this is my only leverage to make sure that I get to go."

She's not wrong. Len appreciates that, even if it’s annoying.

"Makes sense," he says.

"So you approve?" she asks hopefully.

"Why don't you tell me why Detective Thawne wanted you to ask my permission before following up on it, first," Len says wryly, "and then we'll see?"

Iris is a positive sneak; he likes that in a person.

She makes a face at him. "Well, this individual - er - may or may not be - uh - living in the Keystone slums."

Len arches his eyebrows. "Where in the slums?"

"...near Leopold Ave."

"Ah, yes," Len says. "Now it all makes sense. I have no idea why Detective Thawne might have any hesitation about letting you go down to Murderers' Row all by your lonesome."

"...so that's a no, then," Iris concludes.

"Oh, no, I think it's a great idea," Len says. "In fact, I'll go along with you."

"What? No!" Danvers exclaims. "Are you crazy?"

"Danvers -"

"Don't you 'Danvers' me! Do you have a memory problem or something, where you can't remember that the Families are trying to kill you? Murderers' Row is prime Family territory!"

"Technically not -"

"Only because no one wants to deal with disciplining it! Just because it's too unorganized to be properly called organized crime does meant that -"

"I need to do something," Len says flatly. Something about his voice makes Danvers pause and look at him warily. "This will do just fine."

"...fine," she says. "Will you at least wear the -"

"I ain't wearing the mask to Murderers' Row," Len says, rolling his eyes. "Keystone ain't Central like that; they'd shoot me just for hiding my face."

"But -"

"No. And that's final."

"Fine!" she exclaims, crossing her arms and glaring hard enough that Len fancies that he can feel the hair on the back of his arms crisping up again. Danvers has a good glare. "But I'm coming with you."

"I don't think taking either of you is a good idea," Iris says. "Snart, you're wanted by the Families, and Danvers, listen, it's dangerous -"

"What, and it's not dangerous for you? You're literally a civilian!"

Technically, as admin staff, so is Danvers, but Len's not dumb enough to say as much.

"One person can more easily escape notice than two -"

"If by 'escape notice' you mean 'get kidnapped and sold into human trafficking,' which I suppose is one way to interpret that phrase, albeit an uncommon one," Len says dryly. "No. We all go, or I go, and those are our only options. And Danvers, if you really want to do this - which you don't have to -"

"I know that, and I'm doing it anyway," she says stubbornly.

"- then at the very least I insist you take a service weapon with you," Len continues. "I don't care if you don't like guns."

"Fine. But I get hazard pay for this!"

"Of course you get hazard pay for this," Len says.

Danvers blinks at him. "I - wasn't expecting that to actually work. I really get hazard pay?"

"Why not? This is what hazard pay was meant for."

"Can I get -" Iris starts.

"You're a consultant, it was your idea in the first place, and you're basically blackmailing us into taking you along with us by threatening to withhold the witness' name," Len points out. He likes people with spirit, but even he has reasonable limits. "No hazard pay, you take a stun gun, and if we all survive, I'll consider giving you a bonus in retrospect. And if you ever try to blackmail anyone over anything bigger than a ridealong, I’ll crush you like a gnat."

"...understood,” Iris says. “Also, a stun gun, seriously? I’m a cop’s kid; I can handle a real gun -"

"And until you can handle it to my satisfaction on a police shooting range, you take the stun gun," Len says firmly. He was a cop’s kid, too, and while he’ll allow that it typically provides some knowledge of how to use a gun, it doesn’t instill significant confidence in a person’s ability to know when not to use a gun, which is more his area of concern. "Now, we're wasting daylight. Shall we catch a ride into Keystone?"

The original taxi they catch takes them into the center of downtown, which is as close as the driver is willing to go to Murderers' Row. Len can't blame him; the area's awful at the best of times, and the times following the devastation wrought by the Particle Accelerator could hardly be considered the best of times.

"We can't walk there from here," Iris objects. "It'd take us over an hour even without factoring in Snart's crutches, and - all jokes about stupid bravery aside - I don't want to be stuck here past sundown."

"No problem," Len says. "Why'd you think I asked him to take us to the corner of Rundown Street?"

Iris glances at the street sign with a frown. "It's called Sundown Street -"

A car zooms them by at illegally high speeds, coming out of nowhere on a sharp turn, passing close enough for the wind to buffet them. It's followed a second later by another one.

If they'd been even a single step off the curve, they'd be dead.

"Like I said," Len says wryly. "Rundown Street. Otherwise known as the most popular drag racing strip inside Keystone City proper. C'mon, we're not far from the finish line - we'll be able to get one of the losers to give us a ride if we pay his loser's fee."

"Loser's fee?" Danvers asks.

"The buy-in amount," Len says. "Not too expensive, but more than most drivers can afford - but it can be waived if you're willing to bet your car as collateral."

"I get it," Iris says. "We save someone's car - and their livelihood - and they drive us wherever we want. That's...kind of cold-blooded."

"Well," Len drawls. "They do call me Captain Cold, you know."

"I bet they wouldn't if they knew how much you enjoyed it," Iris says, but she's grinning.

Their selected driver turns out to be a young African-American man on the verge of college age, who goes by the street name "Wally Wheeler", and he's incredibly grateful about them saving his car.

"I'm trying to save up money for my mom's medical treatments," he explains to a sympathetic Iris and Danvers. "I got a part-time job at first, but it didn't make enough. And I was good at this, so..."

"As long as you stick to racing," Len says. "Those sort of problems are what lead people to the Families, but if you go there, you'll get trouble you won't get out of."

"Isn't racing also illegal?" Iris asks, giving Len a look.

Len shrugs. As vices go, racing's far from the worst one to have.

"The boss is a big believer in victimless crime," Danvers tells Iris, sounding long-suffering. "He thinks it's a panacea against crimes that do have victims, like the corruption involved with and caused by Family work. Also, don't ask what he considers to be 'victimless', it'll just turn into a rant about the modern state of property insurance."

"Chattel insurance," Len mutters under his breath.

"That's not necessarily wrong, though," Wally - Len refuses to call any human being 'Wheeler' - says. "About the difference between petty law-breaking like drag-racing and, well, worse stuff than that. I know lots of guys that do stupid stuff and justify it on the basis that at least it's not the Family biz."

"Hmm," Iris says. "That's interesting. Tell me, would you consider letting me interview you..?"

"Yeah, sure, if you'd be willing to get tested for bone marrow compatibility for my mom," Wally says. "One interview if you get tested, and if you’re a match, well, I'll do all the interviews you want."

"Deal," Iris says. "Danvers, what about you? Want to get tested together?"

"I can't," Danvers says apologetically. "Medical issue. But I have a really, really rare blood type, so I wouldn't be a match anyway."

"Snart?"

"My doc says she's the only one allowed to stick me with needles for the foreseeable future," Len says, waggling his crutch pointedly. Giving blood after getting shot in a dirty warehouse is just asking to potentially spread some sort of blood-borne disease, even if the tests have come up negative so far. "Anyway, Wally, about that ride – we need to go to Murderers' Row."

Wally's eyebrows go straight up. "You gotta death wish or something?"

"We need to talk to someone there," Iris says. "You don't have to stay -"

"Are you joking? Of course he has to stay," Len says. "How do you expect us to get out again?"

"But -"

"No, it's cool," Wally says. "Your man here looks like he can handle himself - you're packing, right?"

"Of course."

Wally nods. "Then I'll stick around. I've never been in Murderers' Row long enough to see what it looks like."

"Me either," Iris says, sounding excited.

Len blinks at them. "It's a slum," he says blankly. "It doesn't look like anything."

Danvers pats him on the back. "The guy with a ranking system for different prisons doesn't get to throw stones here, boss."

...it's not his fault Iron Heights sucks balls. Or that Len has a multipage spreadsheet to prove it.

Murderers' Row, on the other hand, is just your average old slum: ratty dirty buildings halfway or more to falling apart, shoddy half-hearted repairs, people hanging around looking at each other suspiciously, everyone packing more heat than a summer's day - lead in the walls, dirt in the water, and violence in the air.

Len feels at home already.

"You're humming, boss."

"Nice to be back in the old parts of town," Len says. "Though of course this don't have anything on Central's slums - now there's a prime bit of slum territory -"

A member of the local gangs - not Family, just a local - who was oh-so-casually loitering ever closer to them, hand on the gun in his pocket in the event of their being either a threat or unwary prey, gives out a snort at that, his shoulders dropping.

"Shoulda known a Middleman'd be the only one dumb enough to bring two bits into Murderers' Row," he says, friendly enough.

"What, and after all the effort I went getting one of each color, too?" Len replies, smirking back even as his voice drops back into the comfortable nasal drawl he grew up with. "Archboys got no taste - and no discernment, neither, if you think these here are bits. You really think I'd come here with one leg and no protection?"

The gang member nods amiably. Like most low-level thugs, he's willing to give the benefit of the doubt to just about anything he doesn't understand - and the idea of a slum kid like Len showing up with crutches and two pretty ladies ripe for kidnapping is just ludicrous enough that he's willing to believe that Danvers and Iris are both enforcers hidden in sheep's clothing.

"Don't start nothing," the guy still says in warning, clearly more reflexively than anything else, and heads back to rejoin his gang.

Iris does Len the tremendous favor of waiting until he's gone to ask, in an undertone, "Middleman? Archboys?"

"Middlemen are Central City slum kids, born and raised," Len tells her. "Archboys are the same but for Keystone. There isn't an official divide, of course, but everyone's got their loyalty, what with the two cities being so close."

"And bits?" Danvers asks. "What's that mean?"

"Uh," Len says.

"Whores," Wally says, amused. "Except your guy here somehow convinced him that we must all actually be really dangerous because it'd be too stupid to come here otherwise."

Len shrugs modestly. He's always had a gift for bullshit. "Now's your turn," he says to Iris. "The name?"

"Hartley Rathaway," Iris says.

Len's eyebrows shoot up. He's not the only one.

"I know, I know, a Rathaway here of all places; it sounds dumb," Iris says, seeing his expression. "But he was disowned by his family after he came out and then blackballed from the scientific research industry after getting fired from STAR Labs, and Mason'd traced him here."

"Well," Len says. "At least he'll be easy to find."

"Not without street numbers," Iris says, scowling at the rundown buildings.

"Who needs street numbers when you've got cardboard?" Len asks. "Wait here."

He hobbles over to the nearest outpost of the cardboard brigade - not far, there's a nice alleyway where a handful of homeless people are congregating.

Len likes the cardboard brigade. His usual contact – a crazy ageless woman called the Mad Magpie that likes to hang around the police precinct, thus the ‘crazy’ moniker – likes him back, and that usually means he can ask for favors other people wouldn’t get. In this case, he gives them the usual set of passwords and asks for the courtesy of an hour's head start before they start spreading his name and face around.

They agree cheerfully and direct him to one of the buildings on the street, the one with a green door and boarded-up windows.

Their target supposedly resides on the third floor.

"This is wild," Wally murmurs, staring at the entranceway to the building with some trepidation. "I can't believe you're going to go interview a guy in Murderers' Row, ex-millionaire's kid or not. You journalists have got some serious balls."

Len decides not to correct Wally's misapprehension as to their profession, as cops are as little liked here as anywhere in the slums. Besides, that comment was mostly aimed at Iris, who is, in fact, a journalist.

...technically.

Being a blogger counts, right?

Len struggles up the steps. The slums are not exactly handicap-friendly, to say the least, but at least he has Danvers' strong arm and excellent sense of discretion to help get him there.

By the time they're on the third floor landing, he's breathing hard and both Iris and Wally have identical worried expressions.

Literally identical, actually; Len wonders if they're related. Sadly, there's probably no polite way to ask Iris if her dad happens to have any illegitimate kids out there.

"You sure you're -" Iris starts.

"I'm fine," Len says, catching his breath. "What's all that PT for if not for climbing stairs and interrogating witnesses?"

"Assuming this guy's there at all," Wally says.

"That's a good point," Iris says. "He could've been disappeared, too."

Wally looks intrigued. "People have been disappearing? That sounds bad. Can I help?"

"You're already helping," Iris assures him.

"Danvers, how much of a budget do we have for interns?" Len murmurs as quietly as he can, knowing that Danvers' ridiculous bat-ears will hear anything he says as long as there's even the slightest exhalation giving sound to the words.

"You could use having a more reliable driver than Charlie, of all people," she whispers back. "I'll check when we get back to the office, but we can probably make it work."

"S'long as he never intends on being a real cop later in life, it could get him outta some of his current trouble..."

With that settled, Len decides to ignore Iris' attempt to brief Wally on what they know (nothing, but told from a fairly pro-Flash perspective) and knock firmly on the door.

Nothing.

"Danvers?" Len asks.

"There's someone inside," she confirms. "Only one person, as far as I can tell."

"How can you tell?" Wally asks.

"Danvers has ridiculously good hearing," Len says proudly. "The only way she could be more accurate about this sorta thing is if she had X-ray vision."

Danvers flushes.

It’s simultaneously hilarious and rage-inducing (mostly at her family) how shy she is about how awesome she is.

Len knocks again, this time harder. "C'mon," he calls. "We know you're in there, we mean no harm, and anyway, I hear that the price of door replacements on Murderers' Row is killer."

Danvers groans, Iris smirks, and Wally stares up at the ceiling like it can give him answers to how he ended up here.

A second later, the door swings open.

"That was fucking awful," the man inside informs them, smirking.

Len frowns at the man - about the same height as Len, Caucasian, brunet, and scruffy like he thinks Indiana Jones is a role model, wearing a dark green hoodie and cheap jeans - and says, "I'm gonna assume you ain't Hartley Rathaway."

"No shit," the guy says. He looks vaguely familiar, now that Len thinks about it. "What gave it away, the extra foot of height or the fact that I don't talk rich?"

"The latter," Len says. "Given that I ain't never met the guy in person to know about the rest. He live here?"

“Who wants to know?”

“A nosy asshole,” Len says. “Don’t make me go ask the cardboard brigade to tell me the same thing, okay?”

The guy snorts, acknowledging the point.

“So does Rathaway Jr. live here?” Len prods.

"Usually, yeah," the guy says, giving in. "He’s my roomie. Ain’t been back in a couple weeks, though."

"He's been disappeared?" Wally exclaims.

The guy gives Wally a weird look. "Or he's just not been here for a couple weeks. It happens sometimes – jobs, laying low, that sorta deal."

"Oh."

"What’s that about people getting disappeared..?"

"Can we come in anyway?" Len interjects, not answering the question. "I could use a chair to crash in before attempting those stairs again."

"Yeah, sure, come in. Do I know you from somewhere?"

"I was just thinking that," Len says. Danvers is shaking her head at him pointedly like she's trying to tell him something, but he's not sure what; he's too busy trying to place the guy. "What's your deal?"

"Usual cut crew work, largely freelance - used to work with my brother -"

"Do you have a name, maybe?" Iris asks, following them inside, even as Len's nodding. “That might help more than your profession.”

The guy flushes, remembering his manners. "Uh, Mark. Mark Mardon. Nice to meet you."

Len snaps his fingers as it comes to him. "The Dollarhyde Street diamond job! The getaway drivers!"

"Holy crap," Mardon says, recognition lighting up his own eyes. "Leonard Snart?! I heard you went straight!"

Danvers puts her head in her hands.

Oh, right. That's what she'd been hinting at him about: Len's a wanted man in criminal circles.

Damnit, Danvers, thirty years a thief and four months a proper cop - he's going to mess up sometimes!

"Uh," Len says, wondering if this is about to escalate into a firefight.

"You were badass, man," Mardon says admiringly. "We got away clean with the cut from your job with no sweat, and it lasted us nearly a year of good living. One of the best jobs we ever did. You're good people, man; the criminal underworld lost a genius when you turned."

Aw, Len's touched.

Also rather relieved.

(Danvers' shoulders are now shaking with laughter, while Iris and Wally both gape.)

“Always a pleasure to meet a fan,” he says, ignoring his audience. Hopefully they’ll know well enough to stay out of this conversation and leave it entirely to him.

He knows how to talk to criminals.

"Is it true that you sent fifty pigs to jail in one month alone?" Mardon asks eagerly.

Len grins. Being admired for his cop work by criminals is somehow even sweeter than being admired for his top-notch criminal skills. "Almost. Some of 'em refused to plea bargain out and are going to trial - or are supposed to go to trial. They're begging for a plea bargain now."

"Fuckers deserve it," Mardon says fervently. "Every one of 'em. I hate cops."

"Corrupt cops," Len corrects.

"Aren't they all?" Mardon asks.

"Leave me some hope here, please," Len says dryly. "I don't wanna have to start the whole thing from scratch."

"Hey, they're not all bad," Iris protests. "My dad's a cop! So is my boyfriend!"

"Can we keep it down with all this cop talk?" Wally hisses. "My old man was a cop before he ditched my mom, but I don't go around boasting about it! Especially not here of all places!"

Mardon's frowning at Iris. "You’re from Central," he says slowly. "Your dad wouldn't happen to be Joe West, would he?"

"Uh," Iris says instead of confirming it, proving that she's not a total idiot. "Why do you ask?"

"Because Joe West murdered my brother," Mardon says, still frowning suspiciously at Iris. "My baby brother, Clyde - West shot him right in the fucking back. And one day, I'm going to get back at West by murdering someone he loves, too."

"Lucky for us that she’s a Lloyd, not a West, then, ain’t it?" Len interjects, lying his ass off with the name of the first black cop he can think of that isn’t West and extremely uncertain as to whether it's going to work. He wishes he were less surprised that even when he's not part of the investigation, Joe West still manages to fuck everything up. "You know I'm not going to let you do that, right?"

Mardon glances at him, scowling, and then just as Len's considering going for his gun, suddenly relaxes. "Should've figured," he says with a grin. "I know your code against killing civilians; if you had that as a thief, I can't see you changing it as a pig."

Len shrugs. "What can I say? I never much liked the idea of some civilian getting iced just 'cause they happened to have the wrong blood. If the whole world acted like that, I'd've never made it out of the crib before someone would've put me out of my misery to make a point to my old man."

Mardon grunts. "Yeah, I guess," he says reluctantly. "Sure wouldn't've have wanted someone going after Clyde because of some damn stupid thing I did, I guess."

"Exactly," Len says, then hesitates. "You want me to look into hammering West for that shooting?"

Sadly, he knows it's probably a lost cause if the officer-related shooting's already been resolved by the bureau. They don't reopen stuff like that without evidence of some sort of cover-up or something, and it sounds like Clyde Mardon being shot in the back was pretty public already.

Still…

"Might not go anywhere,” Len continues, ignoring how Iris is trying to death-glare a hole into his back. She’s got nothing on Danvers. “But at least it's better than you getting sent down for life 'cause you murdered an innocent, yeah? What do you say?"

"No," Mardon says. "Thanks, and I appreciate the offer, but no. I've got a back-up plan in place that ought to show West what for without getting in your crosshairs. Property, not people."

"It'd better stay property not people," Len warns him. "I'm gonna have to tip off the CCPD about this little convo; you'll get pre-med for sure if anyone goes down, and that means the death penalty gets put on the table."

"Yeah, whatever," Mardon says. "The pigs won't be able to stop me even if they tried."

"That's what they all say," Len says wearily. "Now listen, can you help us or not?"

Mardon blinks at him. "Help you? With what?"

"We're looking into some disappearances, most of which seem to happen right around the same time as a Flash sighting," Len says. "We think Rathaway might have some insight. Can you tell him to call when he gets back? And let us know if he doesn't get back?"

"Sure," Mardon says, accepting Len's card. "But only 'cause you go exclusively against cops in your new job. D'Angelo said you were still cool with the trade for the most part."

"D'Angelo also promised to keep his mouth shut," Len says with a sigh. He really hopes Iris doesn’t remember to pay attention to this part of the conversation, but she’s a would-be journalist; he’s sure she will. Well, he always did believe in the philosophy of not doing anything you wouldn’t want to go down for doing later on, and he’s perfectly willing to face the music on this one. After all, working with D'Angelo got him the best lead they’ve had yet on the Flash. "Amateurs. Anyway, I didn't say it before, but I'm real sorry to hear about Clyde; he had a beautiful way with just about anything on four wheels."

Mardon smiles. "That he did. That he did."

Len nods and gets painfully back up to his feet. "Don't suppose you've got anything to add about these disappearances yourself? Or the Flash?"

Mardon snorts. "No. Or, well, yeah: if you don't see anything really big go down by the waterfront in the next few days or so, assume that I've been disappeared, too."

"So noted," Len says, then turns his attention to his small crew, mute and watching. "C'mon, all, we're wasting daylight. We'll hear from Rathaway when or if he comes back."

They follow Len down those horrific stairs – he needs so much more PT than he thought he did before he tried those stairs, but his leg is considering secession in self-defense while his side and spine are basically giant screaming pits of agony – and back out into the street.

"So, that went - uh - interestingly," Danvers says, her voice somehow still cheerful even though she’s looking at Len a little worriedly. "At least we got a heads up about possible violence, right?"

"Honor among thieves," Len says, nodding. "Mardon's a bit old school at heart; he didn't have to give us that much."

"Probably not. And, uh, weird question," Danvers says. "Did anyone else notice how right in the middle of the conversation the weather right outside the window got all -"

"He's going to do something terrible!" Iris explodes. "We have to stop him!"

"We'll tell everyone," Len says soothingly. "Including Detective West; we’ll just get him to avoid the waterfront for a bit. It'll be fine."

"You sure?" Wally asks anxiously. "I mean, I've never met this West guy, and I'm sure he's a total dickbag, but that doesn't mean I want him to get hurt."

"He's not a -" Iris starts, then pauses. "Listen, he's not a total dickbag, okay? Not all the time."

Len would disagree, but whatever.

"And what do you know about him, anyway?" she continues accusingly. Clearly a believer in the ‘I can criticize him but you can’t’ school of thought, Iris West. "You're not even from Central; you’re from Keystone! He’s never even policed your area – you don’t know anything about him! You don’t have any reason to say anything about him!"

"Yeah, well," Wally says, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. "According to my mom, he's my old man."

"He's what?!" Iris shrieks.

Oh, boy. Len'd thought they looked similar, but he hadn't really thought that whole 'illegitimate child' theory had water in it.

This is going to get unnecessarily emotional fast, he just knows it.

"What do you care?" Wally snaps. "Your old man's Lloyd or whatever; mine's the one at risk!"

"I'm not a Lloyd, I'm a West!" Iris exclaims. "Snart was just lying so I wouldn't get shot!"

"Uh, guys?" Danvers says. "Maybe we should be having this out in Murderers' Row?"

"But," Wally says, then falters. "If you're a West – and if he really is my old man –"

"- then I'm your sister," Iris finishes. "Holy crap. You're my brother!"

“Holy crap!”

“Holy crap!”

Yeah, Len's done with this.

He gives his best ear-piercing whistle.

All three of them look accusingly at him, clutching their ears. Danvers in particular looks like a sad miserable puppy that’s been betrayed by a surprise visit to the vet or something.

Too bad, so sad.

"Everyone get back in the car," he orders. "You can talk about all this family stuff on the drive back to Central. And maybe let’s do this before we all get shot? The cardboard brigade only promised me an hour before they sold my presence here to the Families."

That, at least, gets everyone moving.

Len resigns himself to the worst car ride ever.

#coldflash #leonard snart #barry allen #iris west #mick rory #kara danvers #wally west #mark mardon #Hartley rathaway #my fic #an internal affair

[chut-je-dors]

Sorry but I don't think you can say you're trying to "contribute" to making the mclennon fandom "more equal" with the way half your fics portray paul thistring after john's dick and making him be sub in all your fics and I hear people say how good the hor mechanic is but I think paul is just super annoying, not realistic at all and I'm sorry I don't understand how that fic became so popular in the first place or how your contributing to this fandom

You know what, I usually delete all this kind of asks after the whole hysteric!Paul controversy took place, ‘cos my patience was just running out and I was simply getting tired of it, but I actually want to answer this time, and will do so thoroughly. So beware, a LONG post coming through.

I’d like to begin with the claim that half of my fics portray Paul as the “bottom” one. First of all, I’d like to clarify that for me, it doesn’t matter who bottoms and who tops — the important thing is whether the relationship between the two men is equal, and that equality has nothing to do with who bottoms. One of them has to, if they were to do anal sex. It is true that in most of my fics, Paul has been the one to bottom, but that doesn’t mean he’s beneath John in any other way than just physically, literally lying under him.

There is a lot in this whole thing that people don’t really get:

First of all, you need to understand what kind of a place our fandom was when I was first starting as a reader. Most of the fics featured Paul as the bottom one, but John as the emotional drive in the stories. I’ve lost count of the oneshots I read back then that had John pining after Paul, and there didn’t seem to be any corresponding fics where Paul was the one desperately pining for John. Their relationship didn’t seem equal; Paul was too soft, John was too hard. Paul was the romantical one, John couldn’t have cared less. Paul was a stuck-up nun, John was a reckless arsehole without any regard for others feelings.

I started reading fics in 2009 at the age of 13, and two-three years later I was writing my first fic ThighGHGHGHGS. This was both an outlet for my personal frustration over John’s thighs (man was I high on hormones at 15), a desire to write something that would make other people laugh, and an attempt to do something that was often less seen; Paul pining over John.

After that, there were a couple of smaller fics that I won’t be discussing here, meant as crack fics and never to be taken seriously. (What 1 being my personal favourite.) The big needle in the wound for everyone seems to be the Hot Mechanic and the Hot Series in general, so let me tell you about that fic:

In 2012-2013 the steady stream of new fics on JohnHeartPaul seemed to be dying down. There were maybe one or two multichapter fics being published, new chapters appearing every now and then, and the place seemed to be dying down. At that point the JP-archive stopped being updated. I was 15, going on 16, and growing increasingly frustrated with the lack of good new fics in the fandom (at that point I’d read the whole archive through like, twice). I started roaming over to the Merlin fandom and was blown away by the amount of good fics that incorporated the characters into all sorts of AUs seamlessly. I especially loved the modern AUs, and felt that that was missing from our fandom. At this point (in 2013) there were about two or three Modern AU fics in the fandom, and all of them were oneshots! We simply had no multichapter modern AU fics.

I decided to simply continue on the same policy I’d previously had with ThighGHGHGHS; I wanted to bring something new into the fandom. (Note: I don’t want to sound egoistical in this essay — the reason why I haven’t explained this before now is because I am a very, very modest person, and I have a problem in taking credit and compliments over something that I don’t feel was such a big deal. But these are things that I’ve heard from other people over the years, and as such I feel safe saying them, even though I’m still battling to accept the high praise.)

So why is The Hot Mechanic so popular? Because it is the first long, plot-driven modern AU in this fandom.

I wanted to do it as a crack fic, because I love humour. I wrote a fic that made me laugh, and I never expected it to become a thing that’s still going on. But because it’s a crack fic, it brought a few changes into the characters. They don’t react like normal people do. Hell, George isn’t a normal person. Ringo is the closest one we get to a normal person in that fic, and Paul literally walked in on him fucking his cousin! They’re all completely out of their heads, and it’s made for the laughs. Since it is a deliberate crack fic that isn’t even trying to make the characters look real (think of it as a really long Monty Python sketch), and since I literally wrote it SIX YEARS AGO, I don’t think it is fair to continuously keep on using that fic against me as a proof of how I “always” write Paul and John.

The following parts to the Hot Series have followed the same pattern as the first part, because, y’know, continuity. You can’t change a character just like that in the middle of the story without an explanation, and since the lads’ characters were well-established in the first part of the series, I had to keep it up. And I wouldn’t have changed it either, because writing them was, and is, genuinely fun, and that’s what matters.

What’s important is also the fact that Paul and John’s relationship is equal. They are both loving towards each other, showing affection openly. John is pining after Paul at work, dreaming about the moment he gets back to Paul on a regular basis, and Paul often reacts to this with fond humour. They laugh at each other’s jokes, walk out hand-in-hand, are equal when it comes to sex — they decide together what they want, standing constantly on equal ground. That sort of an open, fluffy relationship was kinda new as well, mainly due to the fact that this fic takes place in the modern day; they are allowed to be together.

I wrote the Hot Mechanic with a conscious wish of people copying it, taking my lead and jumping into the world of AUs. I hoped that people would get inspired by my first futile attempt at a modern AU, and bring more of them into the fandom. In the end I don’t know how much of an impact the HM had on the authors in general, but some sort of a switch has happened in any case, since in these days we’re gloriously swimming in Modern AUs.

In 2015 I wrote the Vomiting Adventure. I can’t remember if there was any particular reason, other than that I had probably been ill, and wanted to write a fic to commiserate with my subconsciousness. (And those who complain about the hysteric!Paul never seem to mention it at all. Maybe because it doesn’t fit the profile?)

The same year I wrote Hate Is Such A Strong Word. That fic was... never intended to be what it is today. It started as deep, thoughtful few sentences, and then suddenly Paul was tied to the bed, and ??? It suddenly became a try on how to write smut, since I had no real experience in it. It was also a crack fic, and as such I ask you to look at it like at the HM: As nothing meant to be realistic. It was not planned, and Paul bottoming didn’t hold much meaning. It was my first smut, and someone needed to bottom. And Paul was already tied to the bed, which was convenient.

When you look at my fics, you’ll see that most of them are in fact meant as a light, fun reading experience. They are crack fics. The only clear exceptions are This Is Not Them, and Ten Minutes.

This Is Not Them came from that old damned desire to once again do something new, but this time something new for me, since all I had ever done was write crack fics. I wanted to challenge myself and write a fic in a completely different style and tone, I wanted to show people I could do other stuff as well. This fic has Paul bottoming at the beginning when he’s with John, because wordless agreements between characters about who tops and who bottoms? Y’know how those work -- but he tops with other people. He is depressed. Sex is his only way of feeling something, which is explained in the fic (meaning that he is not a slut, but feels conflicted because he feels like one, but doesn’t want to, and doesn’t know who he is anymore). And John has his own depression to fight against, and here, Paul bottoming is kind of a plot point... uh, like a small dot in a bigger plot point about who John is and Why Is He Like That? I don’t want to spoil the fic for those who haven’t read it yet, but; there isn’t a sentence written in that fic that doesn’t have a meaning behind it. Paul doesn’t bottom for the reader: he bottoms because John won’t, due to the man’s ghosts from the past.

What underlines my work is that I always want to do something no one else has ever done before, or has never done properly. I have decided not to delete my older work, because I know people enjoy those fics, and I hope people wouldn’t judge how I write now based on those 6-year old works. The fics that I’ve been working on within this past year are This Is Not Them, Ten Minutes, and 5 Thomas Lane. Read those fics, and tell me whether you see a sign of the “feminine and girlish” Paul. (or don’t read them, ‘cos they’re really long... like so many words..... god)

I can say that personally I’ve never liked the fics where Paul was made out to be the crying princess, just based on his looks. The fandom tended to do that (as they often do for “pretty” characters), and I wanted John and Paul to be equal. They are equal in banter, equal in feelings, and yes, equal in bed as well in the way that it matters: mentally. (Except for This Is Not Them, but that is a plot point)

I highly encourage you to take a look at my fic page, where you can see all the fics I’ve written at a glance! It really sounds like you haven’t read most of them, so do give them a go!

As a response to your thoughts that I have not contributed to this fandom at all — I’m sure you’re aware of the JP-Library by now. At least I hope so! Here is how all that happened:

As I mentioned before, in 2013 the fandom seemed to be dying down. 2014-2016 continued in the same way, with everyone having sort of scattered around after JohnHeartPaul had gone quiet. Tumblr isn’t the best place to keep your whole community in, since it doesn’t offer any possibility for good fandom discussion. AO3 was slowly gaining foot in the fandom, and new fics started to appear little by little — AUs to my delight, although even as recently as in 2016 there just didn’t seem to be any new ground-shaking fics. Overall the whole place seemed to be dying down, and I was feeling desperate, because this fandom had been my home for years by then.

4th of January 2017 I had a thought that if no one else was going to do anything, I was the one that had to. Here is a quote from messages I sent that day to one friend after bringing up the idea of a new, updated JP-archive:

CJD, [04.01.17 23:43]I just kinda wanna keep the jp fandom alive

CJD, [04.01.17 23:43]cos I’ve been watching it go down for years :/

This was my core motivation from the start. I collected all the fics from the JP-archive, went through them to sort out the broken links, and started adding AO3 fics into the mix. A month after the idea of doing this had surfaced, I published the site, and have been updating it ever since. Soon after that I took over @mclennonrecs​.

I have been told by several different people that “you’re the one who’s keeping this fandom alive” or “you revived the whole fandom”. I’m not... sure if I agree, but it does however give a picture of what at least a one group of people think of my contributions to this fandom, and I’m glad to think that I’ve managed to make at least a small difference.

Truthfully I find it quite offensive that you would question my involvement in our fandom after all the work I’ve put into the Library and Mclennonrecs. I won’t say anything else on the matter, but I hope you take your time reading through my answer and considering what I’ve said.

I am always ready to receive criticism about my writing and the work I do, as long as it is given constructively. I do hope people would stop hounding writers for writing stories with bottom!Paul. It is discouraging to new authors and tiring to the old ones. I’ve always loved how people of all ages can unite over our love for John and Paul without judging anyone, so let’s not start creating unnecessary tension now.

Learn to see the fandom through its rich history, and don’t judge people without knowing their motivations. Please spread love instead of hate. Thank you! :)

#have a small bit of fandom history! #i'm sorry it's long... but i'm actually not sorry #i needed to finally say these things #i'm open for discussion. #note: fics where paul pined after john existed! probably a ton of them! #but the trend when i was starting had john pining since he was more obvious with it irl #fic discussion #fandom discussion #mclennon #mclennon fic #john lennon #paul mccartney #anon... i hope you consider what i've written #cheers! #anon hate #..? #anonymous #answered

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

Chapter 13:  I Miss Him

Summary:

For once, Ford has a dream that isn't a nightmare. Bill falls suspiciously but thankfully silent. Stan gives Ford some news that brings back shreds of memories.

Notes: Here's a list of the end codes translated if anyone wants to see. I'll update it as needed but keep the newer codes secret for a while after posting them.

Thanks again to everyone for your comments and input!

Warnings: Nothing much to speak of this time other than some good old Stangst with a dash of fluff.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven (with illustration) Part Eight Part Nine (With link to more art!) Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve More fics An illustration (from part one) The afternoon sun shone bright across patches of grass and dirt as two sets of feet pelted through the clearing surrounding the Mystery Shack.  A third set followed along with a gritty laugh and the splash of water balloons against colorful T-shirts.  "Oh.  Oh no!" Stan said and turned tail to run as the kids chased him with fresh handfuls of yellow and pink balloons.  They disappeared around the gift shop and reappeared from behind a tree on the opposite side of the back porch, spotted in the bright specks of sunlight shimmering through the rustle of pine needles above. Ford watched from the porch and laughed as his brother dove behind a barrel filled with blue and red water balloons.  Stan dug both hands in and rapid-fired them at the kids. Through laughter, Dipper complained, "No fair!" Mabel ducked behind a bush beside the porch.  She looked up to him and said, "Grunkle Ford, tell Grunkle Stan that's cheating!" "Hey," Stan said, "All's fair in war or whatever!" and chucked a water balloon at Ford's head. His eyes widened and he moved to dodge but it was too late.  The balloon hit him square in the cheek and...  He didn't feel a thing. **** He awoke, not with a start but with a smile. When only one eye would open, his heart sank.  He squinted at the shadows on the ceiling of the recovery room, nausea stirring in his stomach as he shifted his wrists.  Why did he bother trying?  He already knew the answer.  Of course they were still bound to the bed's sidebars.  Of course he was still in recovery and his eye was still gone, and worst of all, he was alone. It was his own fault.  He'd told his brother to leave.  He'd callously nudged at Stan's deepest insecurity and, honestly, one of his own, to make him leave, fully believing that it was the actual reason, except... It was never about the money, he realized. He stared up blankly, too weary to bother stopping the tear that streaked down the side of his face.   "I'm sorry, Stan." "Geez.  You humans are weird," Bill's voice echoed through his mind.  Ford clenched his eye shut as if to close out the taunts.  Even so, tears flowed past and a sob wrung his chest.  "I didn't even do anything and you wake up and start bawling like a kid with a skinned knee.  Sheesh, it was just a dream.  Oh right.  Guess It's my fault that it's just a dream.  Oopsie!  Hope your brother's having fun with them today.  That's what you wanted, right?" **** Bill was seemingly silent as Ford recovered, leaving the elder twins with decades worth of fear and misery fueling their unrelenting apprehension.  Stan wasn't sure if Bill chose not to bother with them or if the anesthesia was to thank for Stanford's uneventful trip back to the shack.  Dr. Braum and her assistant had monitored his vitals with compact, portable machines to assure his safety during the drive and finally disconnected the leads once he was safely resting in a nest of plush pillows behind familiar bars. At 2 am, they'd taken advantage of the noises from the construction crew setting up the Shack's fair, using them as cover while moving him into the house and down the stairs.  Stan had led them back up and out, thanking them again for their help and assuring them he'd pay up as soon as he could.  For once, he meant it, and not just because they'd have every right to rat him out to the authorities, or worse, Rico, if he didn't. He slept on an air mattress in the basement for the remainder of the night.  He'd slept there on a few occasions, when Ford needed the company, but with the kids in the house, he'd taken to sleeping in his own bed every night.  It was too risky not to.  If Dipper or Mabel decided to check up on him, or to use his dentures as a fishing lure again, and found him missing, he'd have to spin more lies, remember more garbage.  But tonight, he didn't care.  He could probably say he was outside checking up on progress with the fair equipment if anyone asked and it wouldn't be unbelievable.  Either way, he needed to be there when Ford reawakened. And he was.  Even in his exhausted state, he only managed about four hours of sleep before he sat up, his bottom nearly sinking to the floor through the mattress.  A rustling of pillows caught his attention and he slipped on his glasses in time to see Ford sit up as well.  He yawned and stretched, flexing his hands and wrists, visibly relieved to be free of the medical restraints.  His hand reached up to the gauze patch taped over his eye and Stan held his breath, hoping Bill wouldn't take control and tear it off.  He let out a relieved puff when Ford's fingers simply traced the gauze and lowered back to the pillows in his lap. His head tipped down as his hands trailed across the familiar cotton, jersey, and microfiber fabrics.  "I never thought," he mumbled, "I'd be happy to be back here."  He lifted his head, seeing only a blur of his brother without his glasses.  In a clearer voice he added, "But I am.  Even though he can still get to me here, it feels..."  His voice trailed off with no intention of finish the thought he never meant to vocalize in the first place. "Yeah..." Stan filled in the silence.  Ford didn't need to say it.  After all they'd experienced, the basement was safe and comfortable in its familiarity and privacy, hidden from the view of outsiders, tucked away from judgement and pity. "You made it comfortable here," Ford complimented in hopes of detouring the subject at least a little.  He wasn't lying.  The warm light, the photos plastering the wall, the plants in the corner, the bookshelves filled with science journals and novels, the television, even the makeshift bathroom made the room feel like a home, despite the circumstances. "It ain't the Ritz but...  I tried," Stan said, scooping up Ford's glasses from the floor and offering them to him through the bars. "You succeeded," he affirmed, reaching for his glasses.  He sat back and stretched their strap over his head, finally taking note of his shorter hair.  After adjusting his glasses around his ears and comfortably over his eye patch, he ruffled the nearly buzzed strands at the nape of his neck and the longer curls crowning his head. "I got a mirror here, if you want to see," Stan suggested, lifting a square mirror framed in plastic that was about a foot tall by eight inches wide.  Ford knelt closer to the bars and looked through, moving his head from side to side to get as much of a view as he could.  Maybe he didn't look that much different than Stan after all.  Sure they each had their scars, but for the first time in a few years, he felt like he could see the resemblance again.  The shave and hair cut definitely helped.  His new style was almost identical to the one he'd kept in his youth but, perhaps a little longer on top.  It turned out that his nearly white streaks formed a semi-circular band around the back of his head from ear to ear.  His hands patted his cleanly shaven chin, stopping to trace one of the scars his beard had kept hidden. "Better?" Stan asked, uncertainty edging his voice. "Better," Ford confirmed.  Even if his scars were more visible this way, even if it felt like a child who'd lost his security blanket, it was nice to be well-groomed again.  He'd forgotten how much he'd once preferred his sideburns trimmed neatly and his hair off of his neck. "Hey, Stan..." he said, shifting to the side to look at his brother around the mirror and bars.   Stan lowered the mirror and answered, "Yeah?" Ford wanted to say he was sorry.  Sorry for being difficult while he was in recovery, sorry for snapping at him, sorry for acting like Stan owed him his presence there on that first day.  He wanted to speak up and tell him he was sorry for sending him away again after that, sorry for being so fickle.  Even more, he wanted to tell him that he never meant to mention money, that he had no right, but, the words failed him.  He didn't even know where to begin.  Instead, he simply said "...Thank you." **** Ford sat near the bars of his cell, drooping forward in the TV's flicker as he nodded off every so often.  Of all times, why did his new prescription have to kick in now?  Just a few more minutes.  Let me get through the rest of this episode.  Damn commercials, get on with it!  Ducktective was on the verge of solving the case and someone knew it.  A creepy stranger had been following him and had lurked up behind him with a knife raised, ready to strike... And it had cut to commercial. He shook his head, reaching into his jelly bean bag to find nothing but dust in its bottom.  "Aw, that was the last bag," he grumbled, crumpling it between twelve fingers.  He raised his arm to toss it through the bars but paused, lowering it to his lap and squeezing it between his palms as the screen flashed back to Ducktective waddling through the parking garage, lights flickering overhead.  Ford leaned forward, his hands idly holding the crumpled bag as the knife raised above the duck's head. "No no no no," he chanted, flinching to look away but unable to tear his eye from the screen as the knife plunged down... Into a cake. "Yes!"  Ford cheered, the bag flying from his hands.  "They remembered." The screen flashed bright and right in the middle of the garage was a table with a colorful cake on it.  The entire cast, even the deputy from season one shouted, "Happy Anniversary!" A sloppy smile spread across his face as he watched the animated cast celebrate Ductective's tenth anniversary as a detective, completely ignoring the implications of a real duck's lifespan.  He didn't even mind that the cliffhanger of "The Case of Miss. Felicity's Missing Feline" lingered. The basement door edged open and Stan gave a light knock, startling him. "Hey," Stan said, "sounds like you're watching something exciting." "TV, off," Ford commanded.  He looked toward the door, hoping his cheeks weren't burning too red.  Luckily, Stan backed into the room with the typical covered tray in his hands.  His bottom pressed against the door, his boxers twisting uncomfortably around his hips before he stepped away, letting the door click shut behind him. "Hey, you don't have to turn it off just 'cause I'm here," he said, turning to Ford who seemed suddenly fascinated by the hem of his sweater.   "Oh uh, it's fine.  It was just an old movie I used to enjoy," Ford scrambled for an explanation, arranging the pillows around him as an excuse to continue looking down.  Finally, he glanced up, as if to prove he wasn't at all flustered. "Sure, sure," Stan said, bending over to set the tray down.  "You know, the missing cat ended up-" "No spoilers!" Ford shouted, holding his hands up in surrender. "Ha ha!" Stan ended his laugh with a grunt as his attempt to ease down onto the floor pillow ended in the thud of him flopping into it.  "I knew it.  The kids and I missed most of the marathon today 'cause of the fair winding down but we caught a few episodes before they went up to bed.  Sounded to me like that was the fiftieth episode special, huh?" "It was..." "It only gets better from there!  Turn it back on," Stan said, swiveling around to at least partly face the TV. "TV on," Ford commanded, his voice squeaking sheepishly. "I felt the same way you did about this show until the kids made me watch it with 'em.  But, even though it's ridiculous, it's good, isn't it?" Stan spoke over a commercial whose catchy song invited viewers to "come along" and "feel the fizz" of their brightly colored colas. "Indeed.  The humor offsets the drama perfectly and, despite the cartoonish fantasy elements, it makes you care about the characters." "Yeah, that," Stan chuckled.  He turned back to Ford and the covered tray sitting between them.  "Hey, I brought some food from the fair if you want some."  He uncovered the tray to reveal a question mark shaped corn dog placed on a plate beside the meat cut from a turkey leg and assorted paper cups of condiments.  On a separate plate was a giant pretzel with extra salt and a cup of beer-infused cheese.  He'd even included cotton candy stuffed into a plastic bag, a cone of soft-serve ice cream, slightly melted and tipped upside down into a bowl, and a cup of semi-frozen lemonade. "That's an impressive spread," Ford said, reaching out for the bowl of ice cream that was quickly becoming soup.  He broke off pieces of the cone, dipping them into the vanilla and chocolate swirls.  "So," he asked between bites, "How did the fair go?" "I'd say it was more than a success.  Well, at least for Mabel and I.  I'm not sure exactly what happened but Dipper seemed upset about something.  Kid won't tell me what, though." "Reminds me a bit of you at his age," Ford said, cleaning the last drop of ice cream from the bowl with his finger. "Yeah, maybe a little more than I thought," he muttered, turning back to the TV as the Ducktective theme song played. "Oh, show's back." Stan watched with the odd outburst of laughter while Ford picked pieces off of the corn dog, dunked them in ketchup and mustard, and munched on them without looking away from the screen. When it cut to commercial again, Ford resumed their conversation, "So, how did your dunking game go?" "Better than I thought it would," Stan answered, stealing a pinch of cotton candy, "A few insults and everyone was coughing up cash to try to dunk me.  I haven't done all the math yet but looks like there's a..." "Oh Stanley..." "FAIR amount of profit." Ford stuffed a bite of cheese-dunked pretzel into his mouth to stifle his laughter.  He swallowed hard, cleared his throat and asked, "So what about Mabel?  You said she had a good day." "She did.  She won a pig at the guess the weight booth.  Named it Waddles." Ford coughed, nearly spitting bits of pretzel through the bars.  "A pig?  And she's keeping it?" "Yeah-" "In the house?!" "Uh...  yeah?" Stan said with a shrug, "Guess I should have asked but she was so happy and I didn't think it would be a problem.  I mean, you seemed alright with me keeping Gompers." "I...  I remember saying something to someone about this."  Ford shook his head, clenching his eye closed.  He searched his mind as if reaching for a book on the top shelf only to find half of its pages missing and the other half illegible.  "If I ever see a pig in this house I-"  He squeezed his eyelid tighter, trying to remember what he'd said.  "I'm sending you...  Him?  Back south." "South?  Him?  Who?" "I-  I don't know!  It feels like it's right there but I can't see it.  It was important.  Whoever it was...  I miss him," his voice cut out airily as he leaned forward, cupping his head in his hands, the ache in his heart nearly choking him and he didn't know why. "Can you remember anything else?" Stan asked, his voice gentle, not demanding or interrogating, "Something he wore?  How you knew him? Anything you did together?" "No...  Nothing other than that he was there for me when I needed a friend.  And...  I think we fought and I hurt him.  Badly.  Possibly...  Irreparably." "So, we know it's a memory Bill messed with, then," Stan sighed, ignoring that the commercial break had ended.  "Do you think he's making you believe you did something to hurt him?" "I don't know.  I DON'T KNOW!"  He clutched the sides of his head, doubling over.  "I hate this..." he whimpered, rocking back and forth, "I want to remember.  I feel horrible that I can't remember!" "Hey, hey, it's alright.  It's alright," Stan reached through the bars, resting his hand on his brother's shaking shoulder. Ford wanted to lean closer, craved the comfort of human contact with an ache that knotted his breath within his chest, but he backed away instead, clutching a bed pillow against himself, practically burying his face into it. Stan sighed, retracting his hand.  "Even when that monster hasn't shown himself for days, he still manages to make us miserable," he muttered. "Mmm," Ford mumbled, his eye staring up at the TV, not even registering the colorful characters on the screen.   "I mean," Stan spoke up, "He hasn't actually been around since we got back, has he?" "No," Ford answered, his voice muffled by the pillow.  "Not at all," he continued, lowering the pillow and easing his grip on it.  "Not that I mind but, between this and the pause before our birthday...  I wonder what he's up to." "He keeps saying things about having his eye on some new pawns," Stan pointed out, his eyes darting to the ground as he considered all that could imply. "It worries me.  Who are they?"  Ford wondered aloud, his fingers digging into the pillow as he rested his chin on it. "Is he bluffing?"  Stan added, picking at the cotton candy sticking out of its bag. "It's possible.  It could be a new manipulation tactic.  But we can't risk assuming it is." "I'll keep a lookout for anything um...  weirder than usual," Stan promised. The two stared blankly at the TV, not even registering the events of the show as it played before their eyes.  Their minds wandered, going over the past and worrying over the future, spiraling around too few clues to piece together.  Finally, Ford broke the silence with a sheepish question, "A pig, huh?" "Yeah.  He's cleaner than I figured he would be," he said with a shrug, somewhat glad to change the subject, even if his mind lingered on more disturbing matters.  "She gave me some photos of them together.  Oh!  and I got those ones from the party developed, want to see?" he added, digging in his pocket for the photos. "Of course!" Ford leaned forward, equally relieved for the distraction. Ford looked over the photos, commenting on the party decorations, on how cute Mabel looked in her party fashion, and on how Dipper somehow appeared to be somewhere in the background of every image.  When Stan showed him the photos of Mabel with waddles, he smiled and said, "She looks so happy." "Does that mean?" "Yes," Ford conceded, "It's alright with me if she wants to keep him in the house."

Notes:

Grq'w iuhw, Irugvb. Kh grhvq'w uhphpehu brx hlwkhu.

First one to get the "Fizz" commercial reference in the comments gets their choice of a set of Pines Fluff prints ( 1 2 3 4 ) or a set of Ford prints ( 1 2 3 4 ) mailed to them as a consolation prize for now having that song looping hopelessly in their head.  (See AO3 link for comment section) Edit: We have a winner! ChromaticDreams / @a-million-chromatic-dreams got it!

#gravity falls #gravity falls fanfiction #stanford pines #stanley pines #bill cipher #ford pines #stan pines #the man downstairs au #the man downstairs fic #mo's writing and such

[evakuality]

Skam fic reading thing

@canonicallyanxious tagged me in this like a million years ago but I’ve been putting it off because honestly how do I boil down everything I’ve read over the last year?  But then I figured I should do it and show some love to some of the great things I’ve read and remembered.  So let’s get to it:

The first fic you fell in love with: Ah man, I really don’t remember.  What I remember was soaking up everything that existed when I first discovered Skam in early 2017.  I suspect it was probably something by cosetties because I remember loving the way she writes the banter between the two of them, how real it feels and how much it seemed like real teen boys while also feeling very much like these characters I was in love with.

The last fic you fell in love with:  ‘The same amplitude and period’ by @vesperthine.  I remember feeling very unsettled after the first part of this fic.  Like I needed more, some sort of closure or something and I got it here in such a beautiful way.

The fic that you’ve re-read the most times: Hmmmm, I don’t really re-read much but I guess probably ‘open the pod bay doors’ by iriswests or ‘I’m always here’ by @nofeartina.  In both cases because I just love the interactions between them and I love the way Even is.  I know I’ve read both of these at least twice, so.  Those two I guess.

A fic that you didn’t expect to love as much as you do (based on the description, a pairing or whatever): ‘A mental archive of love unwanted’ by chevythunder.  I remember clicking on it because it had a couple of chapters and at the time I’d read everything else.  The idea of Even in love with Mikael, and Isak knowing was a bit offputting but in the end I looked at it and wow.  I really love this fic so much now.  In fact, if I was going to reread anything this would probably be the next on my list.

A fic you knew you were going to love from the first paragraph or even just reading the description: ‘making new cliches’ by @canonicallyanxious.  I’ve always loved her writing anyway, and I read her other Skam fics and fell in love, so I kind of knew I’d love this even before I started.  But that first section in Even’s PoV, with his mental bank where it comes to Isak and the way they connect even then … I fell deep and hard and never came back up.  This is still probably my favorite fic in this fandom.

A fic that makes you feel like shouting about it to anyone who listens because everyone needs to read it:  Apart from ‘making new cliches’, you mean?  (which honestly, I used to push at everyone I ever interacted with online until I’m fairly sure they started avoiding me).  Ummmm, I think that the other one I used to ask people if they’d read it yet was ‘boy with a basket of fruit’ by @fxckxxp.  It was just so immersive and beautiful and I wanted to shout about it with people and no-one was reading it.  Eventually they did and I could yell to my heart’s content but for a while there I was pretty keen to make others look at it.

The fic you are/were the most excited to be updated: Well, I fell in love with ‘a mental archive of love unwanted’ and so I remember being fairly impatient for the updates for that.  But the other one would be ‘I guess that’s destiny doing it right’ by @littlespooneven. I just remember falling in love with the story and the setting and just wanting more as soon as I’d finished the previous one.

The fic you caught yourself thinking/ theorizing about the most during your everyday life: I really don’t do this.  My everyday life is so hectic that I tend to have to compartmentalize: fic is for fic time and daily life if for daily life time.  The only times I’ve come close have been when I’ve said ‘oh I hope x doesn’t happen’ when something I’m reading isn’t going a way I like or enjoy.  I don’t want to say what those were though so I’ll leave this one.

A fic you want to print out and have it among your books on the shelf: I don’t know?  There are so many I actually really love.  So I think I’m just going to say every single character study I’ve read.  I love them and they tend to be so underrated, possibly because often the shippy stuff is secondary to the character’s development, and yet they are often where we find the best representations of the characters.

A fic universe you want to live in: Hmmmm.  Actually, probably ‘if I could fly’ by thekardemomme.  The idea of being a tiny fairy and eating blueberry cakes and stealing craft supplies to beautify my teeny tiny home?  That sounds pretty damn fun.  The only downside would be the keeping wings dry thing.

A fic to which you would read endless amount of follow-ups, one-shots, meta, etc. by the author:  ‘Don’t leave me (alone)’ by @crazyheartfics.  I just love this magical realism and the peeps from one world into another and I’d love to see more of it.  It’s such a fascinating idea and I love the way it all works.  I want to know more about it - does everyone get those connections?  Why do they happen?  Etc etc.  All the meta and all the follow up fics, pease!

The scene in a fic that made you laugh the hardest:  Probably the whole of ‘the balloon intervention’ by lovelycarcass.  I find it all so funny. I love that the balloon squad are so obvious in their pursuit of Isak for Even and yet how oblivious Isak is to them.  

The scene in a fic that made you cry the hardest: I don’t cry at fic?  I hardly ever cry when I’m reading (but for some reason I cry at the drop of a hat when viewing something, even an ad on TV, and I have no idea why this is).  But I think the fic that made me feel the most was probably ‘the notion of falling’ by smokeshop.  There was a lot in that one that was hard to read and which upset me, and yet I read it all in one sitting and couldn’t put it down.  It was very immersive.

A scene in a fic that left you hot and bothered: I don’t tend to get ‘hot and bothered’ but I do love to read connections between the characters so the scenes like this that get me are always the ones where there are deep feelings alongside everything else.  So the ones that I remember and which stayed with me for a long time were ‘I’m going to show you how to do it’ and ‘living happily with sugar on’ both by @fille-lioncelle.  I dunno, the feelings in those two were both so good.

A scene that squeezes your insides and hard to read but in a good way: Erm … that’s still ‘the notion of falling’ by smokeshop.  But if I had to choose another one I think maybe ‘with love, from anonymous’ by iriswests and cosetties.  I don’t recall them exactly, (though I think one was when Even was trying to tell isak about being bipolar? I think? And he thinks he’s the villain and I was just !!! stop being like that about yourself!!) but I remember several times in that fic when I was left with all these feelings and nowhere to put them after finishing a chapter.  I think having both PoVs in such depth really enhanced that feeling.

A twist that made you gasp out loud: I don’t remember any twist really making me gasp so I’m just going to leave this one.

A line, scene, a metaphor or an idea in a fic that made you think: I really enjoyed ‘sketches of Even’ by fandomlimb with the way the art was integrated into the fic and how organic that felt.  It was just so well done and I remember being quite sad when it came to an end.

A character you fell in love with because of a fic (or multiple fics): Ummmm, none?  I maybe appreciate Sonja a bit more but I’m not sure if that’s from reading some good portrayals of her or from thinking about her in my own writing.

A pairing you’ve grown to love because of a fic (or multiple fics): It’s not a pairing, but a threesome, which is Isak/Even/Jonas.  I don’t think I believe them as an ongoing thing (too invested in evak tbh), but I can 100% see them experimenting and enjoying it.

A fic you (re-)read if you have a bad day / would recommend for someone to read if they’re having a bad day: Much like pretty much everyone else, I think maybe ‘things look different in the morning’ by allyasavedtheday.  It’s just so soft and sweet and loving and makes you feel safe and warm and cuddled.  And when you’re having a bad day, what could be better than that?

A fic you (re-)read when you really miss Skam / would recommend for someone to read when they really miss Skam: I really don’t know.  Probably any or all of the ones I’ve mentioned.  They’re all ones that sucked me in and immersed me in some way

I can’t think of anyone to tag who hasn’t already been tagged or who I haven’t seen doing it already.   So please, if you haven’t been tagged and you want to do this, I want to read your answers.

#skam #my fic stuff #my fic rec stuff

[starsinursa]

Destiel Fic Recs

I’ve decided to put together a rec list of my favorite Destiel fics....because I have read so, SO many fics in this fandom. All those times when I should have been writing? Or working? Or cleaning my house? Yeahhh, I was reading fics instead. I also tend to be a really picky reader, so I wanted to share a few fics that really made an impression on me, in the hopes that other people will enjoy them as well and maybe find some new fics they haven’t read yet. :)

I’ll do my best not to give anything away that will ruin the story, but be warned, there might be some minor spoilers – but probably not anything worse than you would find out just by reading the tags or summaries. 

I will add to this list occasionally.

Last updated: January 13, 2018

List of fics is under the cut!

❤ = absolute favorites

CANON!VERSE FICS

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn’t Allowed to Eat Pie?, 16k words, Teen

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

This fic is adorable. It takes place in the bunker after Dean touches something he shouldn’t, and they have to find a way to turn him back. Dean’s point of view as he struggles to learn about being an octopus is hilarious, Sam is appropriately exapserated, and Cas is the biggest sweetheart on the planet as he helps take care of Dean. Bonus: there’s some wonderful Kevin inclusion in this fic, including him shrieking like a little girl.

❤ A Room of One’s Own, 94k words, Explicit

All Dean wants is a little privacy. Cas doesn't understand.

This fic is AMAAAZING. I’m sure almost everyone has read it because it’s very well-known, but listen, it’s well-known for a reason. Dean’s characterization is spot on, the fic is soulful and sometimes hilarious and sometimes a little angsty and really, really, really fucking hot. *fans self* Here is my absolute favorite quote from the fic, just as a teaser:

"Your exact words, as I recall, were 'Do not frigging come into the frigging bathroom without a frigging express invitation, you frigging pervert.'”

Cuckoo and Nest, 10k words, Explicit.

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

This was lovely. Dean and Castiel are together, but nothing comes easy and they to have to learn how to compromise and how they fit into each other’s lives. The characterization in this story was spot-on, and it features a wonderfully nit-picky, clean-freak Dean, which I adore and don’t see often enough.

❤ I Dream of Deannie series, 71k words, Explicit.

While on a hunt, Castiel gets a dose of djinn toxin, and finally gets to experience what he's really wanted all along. Set vaguely S5ish. Shameless Destiel PWP. Continued in "The First Time, Again."

The first fic in this series is basically just smut involving Cas and djinn!Dean, but the rest of the fics are where it starts getting REALLY good. After being saved from the djinn, things start developing in real life between Cas and Dean, and it’s WONDERFUL. One of the most well-written, realistic ways that I’ve ever seen their relationship develop in a canon!verse fic, it really holds true to the characterization for me. Also, most amazing love confession ever. Also, really hot sex scenes.

Hesitation, 24.5k words, Explicit

Zachariah orders Castiel to seduce Dean in order to strengthen his allegiance to heaven. Castiel thinks it will be something to endure. Dean just thinks Castiel wants him. Neither one is right.

This fic...ughhh, what to even say, it’s wonderful and also heart-breaking. It’s basically as the summary says: Zachariah orders Cas to sleep with Dean, which he does, even though he doesn’t really want to... at first. Dean has no idea about Cas’ orders... at first. You might want to avoid it if you’re squicked out by potential dub!con, but I thought this fic was handled really well and I didn’t really see it that way. The dub!con is because of Cas’ orders, but Dean is never the one who forces Cas into anything and he’s very patient and wonderful, and things get worked out in the end.

Holy!Dean series, 120k words, Explicit.

Dean Winchester has grown used to God dicking around in his life the last couple years. But this crap? This takes the CAKE ... or pie, rather. Now he's been thrown a whole new curve-ball. The kind that has ended the Civil War in Heaven ... but resulted in Raphael taking over, and hunting for Dean's ass on a silver platter. Not to mention dealing with Balthazar acting like a self-righteous prick, Sam having some big damn epiphany on his big brother's sexuality, and Cas eying him up like he's the world's juiciest cheeseburger. All that mixed with the chance to fix it all and set everything to rights ... but only if Dean is willing to sacrifice himself. Again. Seriously, if he ever meets that bastard God he's gonna- ... oh hey, Chuck! What are you doing here?

This was so good! Chuck picks Dean to be his “successor” as God, so Dean has to learn about sacrifices, love, and how to use his fancy new mojo. Castiel, Gabriel, and Balthazar are all in the story, which I love, because angel shenanigans are the best. This series is hilarious most of the time and very sweet at other times.

Brother Lover, 4k words, Teen

"However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first'."

Dean thinks that Castiel is in love with Sam. Just a short fic involving a misunderstanding and some pining, but it’s very sweet and amusing.

AU FICS

❤  ❤ ❤  Living Broken Adjacent, 135k words, Explicit.

Hunt/Capture/Celebrate/Repeat. Dean Winchester’s world in four words: simple with no fuss. He’s not had a single, life-altering moment in the 13 years since he joined his dad as a professional bounty hunter. Why fix what’s not broken?

That is, until everything around Dean comes to a screeching halt, leaving him alone in new surroundings. Suddenly, Dean’s forced to live in his own version of the Cuckoo’s Nest with the biter, the licker, and the joker. Where angels abound, and his roommate’s haunting blue eyes make him wonder about all his past choices. He’s got this no problem, right? WRONG!

Who knew laughter and love could be found within the dull, institutional walls of a psychiatric hospital, teaching Dean that no one is ever truly broken, but sometimes you simply find yourself lost and stumbling through a life where you are living

…broken adjacent.

I absolutely adore this fic. It has EVERYTHING: Dean in eyeliner, Dean with tattoos, Cas with tattoos, multiple “angels” (Gabriel, Inias, Samandriel, Gadreel), angst, fluff, humor, sex, redemption... it’s wonderful. The author does really well portraying the mental health issues realistically - sometimes there is progress, sometimes there are set-backs, but above all, the characters are MORE than their diagnoses. I also love the relationship between Dean and Cas in this fic. Even though there are angsty parts because they’re all dealing with their own issues, the actual relationship that develops between them is so, so sweet and almost innocent. And last but not least, although kind of random, there is the COOLEST baby name in this fic, A+ for wordplay and puns.

❤ Love, Take Your Toll, 8.5k words, Teen

Cas sees hundreds of faces every day, but there's only one that he really cares about.

Cas works in a toll booth and Dean drives through his lane frequently. This is sweet and has some good pining, and honestly made me a little misty-eyed, Cas is just so genuine and lonely and I just want to hug him.

I love almost every fic by this author, so I’ve recced several of their fics in this post. Seriously, they’re all wonderful - charming, sometimes friggin’ hilarious, and they always leave me smiling. The only problem? I wish all of these stories were longer, I need more!

❤ The Return Policy, 13k words, Explicit

"Most of his visitors are academics. They come from universities all over the nation, sometimes beyond. Others write books. The man in the Reading Room today is neither. He’s a tall, irritated man with a federal badge."

The federal agent's partner is usually the one who does the research. And even though Cas doesn't think this man is a real federal agent, he's happy to help where he can.

Featuring still-a-hunter!Dean and Cas, who works in the Library of Congress. Let me just say one thing: hand kink. If you have even the slightest hand kink, you will enjoy this fic. The characterization is also wonderful and so true to the characters, including Dean’s A+ comebacks, so please enjoy this brief excerpt as an example:

It is in the archives that Cas realizes he has another condition. He scowls when he sees Dean handling a scarred leather album of Beckley’s with his naked hands. He reaches into his pocket and thrusts his extra pair of gloves at Dean.

“Have some care,” he says.

“You—have some…care,” Dean mutters mutinously as soon as he turns away,  but at least he puts them on.

❤ The Request, 36k words, Mature

When Sam Winchester prays for his brother, Castiel is finally sent on his very first assignment. But what should be a simple love match turns into much more and Castiel finds himself risking everything to ensure the happiness of his extremely frustrating charge.

This is the cutest fic ever. Castiel is an angel who is the black sheep of his family, and he gets assigned to help Dean find his soulmate. They get a little sidetracked because Castiel helps Dean find some closure about an issue from his past, too. The interactions between Cas and Dean are wonderful, Cas is adorable and naive but still a bamf, and Sam is the best brother ever. I really love this fic, I read it over and over.

The Parts of Our Sum, 55k words, Explicit

Castiel, a former soldier, has worked for the Company his entire life. They've been good to him, providing clothes, shelter and new body parts whenever necessary. Now the Company's gearing up for a space exploration voyage, and Castiel's volunteered for the research team. During the preparation period, he meets Dean Winchester, who makes Castiel wonder about the things he's missed out on.

This is a great sci-fi fic! In a world where humans can be augmented and “improved”, Castiel has a few of these improvements and works for the “Company” that provided them. He meets Dean, who has some strong opinions and biases against the “Company”, even though he’s working for them too, and they develop an interesting and rocky friendship. Some good pining and a happy ending!

❤ Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake, 30k words, Explicit

Dean is a waiter in a strip club to put his kid brother through school. Castiel is dragged to the club as a part of his sister Anna's bachelorette party. Dean and Cas hit it off, but Dean thinks Cas is the one marrying Anna.

This fic is delightful - it’s basically a romcom, I could absolutely see this fic happening on the big screen. Everything starts with a big misunderstanding, but Dean is still drawn to Cas despite his better judgement, and things get worked out in the end. Sam is a big part of this story and he’s DELIGHTFUL, I laughed so hard at some of their brotherly antics and squabbles.

Heaven and Hell Escort Service, 123k words, Explicit

Loosely based on the film 'The Wedding Date'. Castiel Novak is a high class escort, and an expensive one at that. He likes to help people, and being an escort allows him to do that... barely. Dean Winchester is a mechanic/waiter who may have accidentally told his father he has a long-term boyfriend to bring along to Sam's wedding. Desperate times call for desperate measures... an escort service might not be what he wants, but it could be exactly what he needs.

I really enjoyed this fic. Another one that reads like a good romcom, with some humor, some pining, some revelations, and some hot lovin’. The attraction, pining, and UST between Castiel and Dean will keep you on the edge of your seat, yelling at them to just get together already.

❤ Broadway Musical, 12.5k words, Mature

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Another fic that I have read several times, this one is wonderful! The angels are trying to get Dean and Jo to be together. Castiel decides to be more hands-on and steps in to help their cause, but nothing goes as planned. The fic is a delight and very funny the entire way through: Jimmy is still sharing Cas’ vessel and makes hilarious observations, the angels watch everything and bicker and squabble and make suggestions, and towards the end of the fic, there’s a cameo by Lucifer that had me DYING. Literally SCREAMING with laughter.

The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia, 89k words, Explicit

Dean doesn't expect to see his one night stand again, but then again he also doesn't expect to find out he has an STD. Sometimes life is hilarious like that.

This was a lovely feel-good story! It starts out with Dean going through a rather crappy time in his life, he finds out his girlfriend was cheating on him and they break up, and he finds a one-night stand (Cas) to get his mind off things. Turns out he has chlamydia from his ex, so of course he has to do the right thing and track down his one-night stand to let him know, and things with him and Cas go from there. It’s an interesting fic because it starts with sex first, but then the rest of the fic is Dean and Cas going more slowly and romancing each other.

Carnival Oasis series, 43k words, Explicit.

Castiel is a being that feeds on sin. Lucky for him, Dean has plenty of sin to spare.

Dean is still a hunter and he runs across Cas, a supernatural being that gets his jollies by “feeding” off the guilt of others. I enjoyed this fic because, despite what you might think, Cas is still mostly the earnest and dedicated Cas we all know, who just wants to be accepted and loved. Is there such as thing as a love!kink? If so, Cas definitely has a love!kink in this fic. Oh, and the sex in this fic was… whew. *fans self* Smokin’ hot. Lots of good sexin’ in there. 

❤ Bring It On Home, 40k words, Mature

Multi-chapter Dean/Cas AU. Dean the Sales Rep just moved into the neighborhood, and his neighbor is a definitely crazy shut-in. Now complete! Ch. 30: Dean narrowed his eyes. "I'm not lovely. Knitted tea cozies are lovely."

This was one of the first Destiel fics I ever read, and it remains one of my favorites. Dean is more similar to Dean Smith - he has a house, a good job, a fairly stable life - and Cas is more similar to Endverse!Cas - he uses recreational drugs, reads auras, and is a pretty weird guy. That being said, this fic is actually really, really sweet, and hilarious at times, and there is some wonderful prose and writing, there are a few paragraphs and sentences that are simply gorgeous and beautifully written and full of imagery. 

❤ Shortskirts’ Verse, 22k words, Explicit

So, they're in high school, and then they're in college, and it's mostly not about Taylor Swift, except when it is.

Super sweet and feel-good! Dean and Cas start dating in high school, keep dating throughout college, and Dean plays baseball. Whenever I want a fluffy fic to cheer me up, this is the one I read. I really love Dean in this fic - he’s come to terms with his sexualitty and he’s loving and caring and doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about his relationship with Cas, and it heals my shipper’s heart. There’s also a hilarious misunderstanding with his baseball team.

Home is Where, 15k words, Explicit

Casual vagrant Dean Winchester blows into Palo Alto to check on his little brother. What is meant to be a quick visit ends up drawing out when he meets and accidentally ends up clicking with Sam's strange, grad student roommate Castiel. 

Cas has Asperger’s Syndrome, and he and Dean are drawn together by a mutual attraction but have to figure out how to navigate each other’s strange ways. This fic includes a little bit of hot sex, plenty of misunderstandings, some hurt feelings, a lot of heart, and a happy ending. I thought that Cas having Asperger’s Syndrome was written wonderfully and with a lot of empathy, and the fic is actually told from Cas’ point of view part of the time, so it’s an amazing look into his world and what he’s thinking.

❤ it’s a lot like life, 21k, Explicit

There were rumors of liaisons between maids and their Ladies, of short-lived passionate affairs between servants and their masters, yes, but Castiel had never heard of anything that passed the test of time. Their lives were too different, and the world saw these relationships as a threat to the very foundation of society. There had to be those that had the power and those that served them, and love had a dangerous tendency to blur those lines. Castiel’s own thoughts were the best example. Lord Winchester had started to be a human being in his mind, a person he cared for not because it was his duty, but because he felt a bond to him.

Dangerous indeed. And impossible given Castiel’s proclivities. He didn’t think his Lordship would react well to his fantasies of bending him over his desk.

This is basically a Downton Abbey AU, and it’s SO, SO good! It feels a lot longer than it actually  is, because it’s wonderfully written and the time flow and character development feels so natural. The relationship between Castiel and Dean is sweet and earnest and also really sexy. Seriously, this fic has a bit of everything - a semi-forbidden relationship, Dean in panties, and a wonderful, happy ending.

The Dove’s Long Journey to Champaign, 33.5k, Explicit

After four years of solitude on a remote island, Dean’s been through hell. But he’s home, he’s healing, and he has a very special gift for a man he’s never met. (Basically this is an AU of the movie Cast Away that takes place after the island.)

This fic is really sweet and funny - not too angsty, given the premise! Castiel is absolutely adorable, Dean is trying to figure out who he is and what his life’s supposed to be like after a life-altering experience, and Sam is supportive and wonderful. There’s hilarious parts, sweet parts, and touching parts. Possible trigger warning though: the fic does feature therapy, references to psychotropics and anxiety, and even discussion of past suicide attempts - but I thought it was all handled in a wonderful, inspiring way that helps show the importance of seeking help, minimizing stigma, and healing.

Now, here are some of my favorite random categories:

ANGSTY FICS/ FICS THAT MADE ME UGLY!CRY

Smoke in the Mirror, 50k words, Mature

It begins with the flier hung in the library: art model needed for thesis project, will pay. Castiel figures it's an easy way to make some extra money, but modeling for Dean Winchester ends up complicating his life far beyond anything he could have imagined.

Dean hires a nude model for his project, which turns out to be Cas. This fic is such a good slow burn, and the development of Dean and Cas’ relationship is natural and sweet and gratifying - until Dean’s project is finished, and they don’t see each other for the next 10 years. Oh my god, the pining. The angst. This fic shredded my heart. Don’t worry though, there’s a happy ending that will leave you crying with relief!

As You Pass Through Me, 30k, Explicit.

Cas has lived in this house all his life... and since his untimely death. The last thing he wants is a new roommate, but it seems he's getting one anyway.

Cas is a ghost and Dean moves into his house. Cas starts to fall for Dean, and despite all obstacles, Dean starts to fall for Cas too. There’s some dubious consent issues, since Cas kinda creeps on Dean before Dean is aware he’s there, so watch out for that if it squicks you, but the whole fic is really well done. There’s a lot of pining, but it has a happy ending and everything gets worked out!

Out of the Deep, 488k, Explicit

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

Another really popular and well-known fic, but I really enjoyed reading it. Even though I ugly cried through about 1/3 of it. There’s some slow burn and some sex and lots of feelings, but mostly there are just so many things conspiring to keep Dean and Cas apart, including the dumbasses themselves. I swear, sometimes I just wanted to fucking scream at them. But there is a happy ending and I was really satisfied with how everything finally worked out. Cas as a mermaid fin-kin is so awesome and beautiful - he sings, he glows in the dark, and he’s got sharp, badass teeth, what more could you want? Definitely a VERY LONG fic, so be prepared to dedicate a lot of time.

He Can’t Sleep, 19k, Mature

After Lucifer's possession, Castiel stops talking.

Ughhh, the tears I cried, so many tears. This fic is beautifully written and so poignant and it just really GOT to me, that these two idiots love each other so much but can’t seem to stop hurting each other, my heart just ached. There IS a happy ending, of course, but you’ll probably still sob the whole way through.

How a Righteous Man Raises a Rose, 5.5k, PG-13

AU in which the apocalypse and angels and demons never happen, and Sam and Jess and Dean live together in a suburban lifestyle -- and then suddenly, nothing is alternate universe at all. Told from Sam's POV. Dean is compelled to tend a dead rose garden, if only Dean could remember why; and remember why it is so important.

This fic killed me. I can’t even. It’s short but it packs a seriously powerful wallop. There’s a really interesting (but rather soul-crushing) twist, and there’s...not really a traditional happy ending. Definitely worth a read if you want a good cry, so just keep some tissues ready.

FUNNY FICS

❤ Mad at your Dad?, 7.5k words, Mature

Dean wasn’t sure why he was even scrolling through Craigslist. Especially not the casual encounters section. It was four days before Thanksgiving. Not like he was gonna try and hook up with someone before that shitstorm. After, sure, but not before.

He kept scrolling, though, not clicking anything until a title caught his eye.

Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? I am a 28 year old male felon who has no degree, but has studied enough theologies of the world, behavioral psychology, and philosophy to set your whole family’s teeth on edge—no matter which way they lean, politically, religiously or in terms of neuroses. I drive a van the same age as me that’s got a mural on the side of an angel holding an orgy. I can play between the ages of 20-30 depending on whether I shave. I live off an inheritance, and sell weed on the side. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship (monogamous or polyamorous, whichever sounds most like it would freak out su familia) with you (and/or others), to torment your family, I’m game...

I laughed so, so hard. I can’t even tell you. Cas is DELIGHTFUL in this - snarky, sarcastic, and sometimes high. I don’t even have a favorite part in this fic because the whole thing was a fuckin’ riot. I’ve re-read this one multiple times and I still laugh.

Incredibly Single and Ready to Mingle, 3.5k words, Teen

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

Short, sweet, and hilarious! Basically, Sam uploads a horrible picture of Dean to Facebook, and it ends up introducing him to Cas in a roundabout way. The description of Dean’s embarrassing picture had me cackling with laughter.

❤ The Fourth Wall series, 40k words, mostly Teen

In which Sam does another sort of research, and Dean is amused.

Basically, the boys end up reading fanfiction about themselves. This is HILARIOUS - Sam is mad there isn’t as much fanfiction about him, Dean has to explain the dynamics of ‘topping’ and ‘bottoming’ to Cas, and Cas just wants to know how the mpreg fic ends. The characterization in this fic is spot-on, and besides just the fanfiction crack, there’s a lot of other wonderful moments: Castiel is introduced to sweets, Sam gets tossed into a gross pond, etc. One warning though: this fic also features Sam/ Lucifer, if you’re not into that pairing...BUT that pairing doesn’t really occur until almost the end of the series, so I still highly recommend reading this and just skipping those parts if they’re not your cup of tea. Really, you won’t regret it. Just read the very first part and you’ll be hooked, I promise.

❤ An Exploration of Habitat, 11k words, Mature

Dean's afraid of heights, and Cas lives in a tree.

This fic is short, sweet, and a riot. There’s so many things and little details that made me giggle. There’s one part, however, that had me DYING. It took me completely by surprise and I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard about a fic. I still laugh when I re-read it. I don’t want to give anything away, so I’ll just say: it’s the part after Dean comes down from the tree, and Balthazar is reciting a “letter” that he wrote.

DARK FICS

Sociopaths in Love, 24k words

Dean buys Castiel as a slave and has a fun time viciously breaking him in. But what Dean doesn't know is that this is exactly what Castiel wants.

(Or, two sociopaths walk into a slave auction...)

Yeahhh, this one is pretty self-explanatory. Castiel is a sadist and enjoys it when he’s being hurt, Dean is a masochist and enjoys it when he’s hurting others, and it’s a match made in Heaven. Or Hell, more likely.

Bone trilogy, 29k words, Explicit

When Dean (raised from hell by some unknown force) and Sam stop the last seal from breaking, heaven decides to bring its own apocalypse. Late in the war, an angel with dark hair and striking blue eyes is captured, and Dean – Dean is his interrogator.

This is definitely dark, but it’s also brilliant. Humans are in a war against Angels, and Dean tortures them for information. The fic makes an amazing full circle – Dean has never been able to break an angel, but for some reason, Castiel is different, more susceptible, easier to reach, able to be broken when no other angel could be broken before. Why? The answer will break your fuckin’ heart.

Red Right Hand, 85k words, Explicit

“You’re one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan, Designed and directed by his red right hand.”

It all starts with the mysterious note left on Dean’s chair. It all ends with Dean coming to terms not only with what he’s capable of, but how much that knowledge doesn’t bother him.

Castiel is a serial killer who is infatuated with Dean. This fic is quite the wild ride, and it hits a lot of my kinks: protective!Cas, jealous!Cas, possessive!Cas, bamf!Cas. That being said, he’s a psychopath and he murders people, so yeah. Dean finds out eventually, and as it turns out, maybe he’s okay with it.

MOSTLY SMUT FICS

Unsolicited, 56k, Explicit

In which Dean Winchester gets an unsolicited dick pic from an unknown sender which is both totally not disappointing in that it's a really nice dick pic, and incredibly disappointing in that it's clearly a downloaded picture of his favorite porn star.

There's absolutely no way it's actually this porn star sending it to him, right?

Right?

Oh my god. Confident, tattooed, sexual, pornstar Cas is my JAM. This was great - lots of amazing smut, with some BDSM elements thrown in later, and of course, a good dose of feelings.

Dean Winchester, Straight Shooter, 15.5k words, Explicit

Dean Winchester, star of StraightShooter.com, is a gay-for-pay porn star with a huge following. Cas Novak signs on to do a scene with him, even though he dislikes "straight" porn stars on principle. But Dean is more complicated than he first appears, and after inadvertently learning his secrets, Cas finds himself falling for him.

This was surprisingly sweet for a fic about pornstars. Cas is earnest and wonderful, and Dean has his obligatory gay freak-out, but it all works out in the end.

Revealed, 11k words, Explicit

When a ritual backfires and Dean ends up with wings, they reveal things that he'd much rather keep hidden. Prompt fill.

An amazing wing fic that features both Dean AND Cas with wings. Damn. This fic. There’s some great possessive!Cas, lots of good wing kink, and a fascinating look at Heaven. Also it was really, really hot.

www.hardcorewings.com, 17k words, Explicit

When Castiel loses his job, he resorts to making wing fetish videos to make cash. Dean really likes them.

This is an AU fic where angels and humans live side-by-side, and some humans have a fetish for angels and their wings, one of those humans being Dean. Cas has enormous silver wings and goes into porn, and Dean finds his videos. Dean doesn’t know that Cas also has a crush on him in real life. This fic was great, I only wish it was a little longer, because the ending seems kind of abrupt to me. That being said, great read.

Except Thou Bless Me, 10.5k words, Explicit

Castiel is wroth, and Dean is having a great time.

This is a canon!verse fic where Cas basically beats the shit out of Dean, then fucks him, and Dean is totally on board for all of the above. There’s a good exploration of Dean’s time in Hell and his self-worth issues, but mostly there’s some really hot sex.

No Teasin’, Just Pleasin’, 7.5k, Explicit

The song is nearing its end as Dean pauses in the centre of the stage, fingers teasing at the waistband of his chaps. For the first time in his routine, he allows himself to look over towards Castiel’s table.

Gabe is watching with the air of someone who’s generally more interested in the feminine figure, but Cas?

Cas looks like he wants to eat Dean alive.

This was excellent! I love stripper AUs so much, and this one definitely stands out from the crowd. Dean’s characterization is wonderful and charming, and it was a fun (and hot) read all-around! (Did I mention it also features Dean in panties?!)

TRUEFORM!CAS FICS

❤ Cruel Angels series, 107k words, Explicit, WIP.

Well. The Apocalypse was one thing. Thousand-foot-tall multi-limbed horror-angels smashing up the planet was something totally different...

Fantastic series so far. The characterization is great, the writing is wonderful, and it’s got everything you could want in a trueform fic: grace-powered orgasms, wing kink, and a description of Cas’ trueform that will amaze and horrify you (think multiple limbs, wings with eyes, and a terrifying mouth in his neck). At the heart of all that, Dean and Cas are still themselves, trying to figure out what the hell they mean to each other, and Cas is still his lovable self, even when he’s an enormous creature.

The reach of human sense, 4.5k words, Explicit.

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

This fic scratched my trueform itch soooo good. It’s always niggled at me that Cas is technically still using Jimmy’s appearance, and if Dean is attracted to him, how much is physical attraction simply to the vessel and how much is attraction to Cas? This fic addresses these issues wonderfully, and Dean is accepting and reassuring and there’s a little bit of praise!kink, and I loved it. Everyone should read this one.

A Beginner’s Guide to Communing with the Dead, 77k words, Mature

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

I had a hard time deciding where to put this fic - AUs? Cop/ detective fics? I finally decided on trueform fics because this fic has, hands down, my absolute favorite description of Cas’ trueform. The author really makes you visualize it, the absolute scale and magnitude and power and otherness of Cas’ trueform, and it’s awesome. I read that part over and over. As for the rest of the fic: Dean is trying to solve a case, he summons Cas to help him, and their dynamic is snarky and occasionally touching and delightful to read. This was such a cool AU too, with magic and creatures but still set in a modern-day setting.

DETECTIVE/ COP FICS

I am such a sucker for cop or detective fics, you don’t even KNOW.

What Once Was Sacred, 55k words, Explicit

Los Angeles detective Dean Winchester works tirelessly to atone for the sins of his father one case at a time. When his best friend Charlie drags him to visit Sam at his new job, Dean stumbles onto a bizarre string of deaths that brings him uncomfortably close to his past.

Dean can't stop thinking about Castiel, an enigmatic DJ who plays the sexiest music Dean's ever heard. A chance encounter at Castiel's house reveals that Castiel is an incubus, and Dean must face the lies and the reality of his childhood as a hunter. Dean comes to see that he and Castiel have more in common than he thought, and that guilt can be the hardest thing to cast aside.

Beautifully written and it sucks you right in. Dean is a detective and Cas is an incubus, but it’s really different than you might think - Cas doesn’t necessarily like the influence he has over people as an incubus, and he goes to great lengths to avoid hurting people. I love the whole concept, and when Dean and Cas finally get together? Hottest. scene. EVER.

Kiss You When It’s Dangerous, 57.5k words, Explicit

When his partner Uriel, betrays him, Federal Agent Castiel Novak is saved from becoming a ritual sacrifice by brothers Dean and Sam Winchester. Discovering the world of the supernatural and learning about werewolves, wendigoes, vampires and things that go bump in the night also leads to learning more about Dean and the strange life he and his brother lead. The more he learns, the more Castiel finds himself drawn into Dean’s world and toward Dean himself.

Until Uriel wants to complete the ritual he started.

I LOVE still-a-hunter!Dean and agent!Cas. This fic was wonderful because it reads almost like an actual episode - Sam and Dean hunting and doing what they do, with Cas getting roped into that world on accident. The attraction between Dean and Cas is wonderful, there are parts with Dean is adorably worried and protective, and Sam is fantastic. Great read all around.

❤ ‘never see it coming’ series, 12k words, Explicit.

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

This features still-a-hunter!Dean and detective!Cas, who gets caught in the middle and pulled along for the ride...until the second part, where HE is the one tracking down Dean. This fic hit every single kink in my repertoire, I’m not even exaggerating. Dean is resourceful and clever, Sam is exasperated, and Castiel is a fucking badass who literally stops at nothing. My only complaint? THAT IT WASN’T LONGER. I need another 100k words in this series, pronto.

#fic recs #my fic recs #destiel #fanfiction #deancas #fanfics #destiel fic recs

[velkynkarma]

Get to Know the Author

@bosstoaster has been tagging me all night :P

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

I’ve had the name ‘Karma’ for about 17 years now? I don’t even remember where it came from. The ‘Velkyn’ got added a little over 10 years ago when I decided I wanted to get back into fic writing. But I was still in that phase where you think you’re supposed to ‘grow out’ of fandoms and writing fanfiction, so I didn’t want any of my friends to know I was doing it. I was embarrassed. It was silly. I picked a different handle, VelkynKarma, which actually means ‘hidden Karma.’ Later I just liked the name and also got over my embarrassment for fic writing and just started using it everywhere.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

No matter what statistic you look at, Routine Maintenance wins across the board by a large margin. Parasite Knight only has 1 less subscription, though, so I guess it’s a fair contender on subs.

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

Same as my tumblr icon, it’s one of my OC’s, Morrigu Lovel. He is a little smartass and I love him.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Oh for sure, there’s a few lovely readers that come back every time and always have something to say. I love you guys :) And a few others that don’t comment on every chapter or every work, but the comments they leave are always phenomenal and make my day.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Depends on my mood, and I don’t necessarily read the entire fic, just the paragraphs/scenes/chapters that really stick out to me. But yeah, I’ve got some favorites I return to a lot.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

Oh geez. This one’s hard to say since I watch stuff on AO3 and FF.net. A lot? I think a lot of those fics are dead now though.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Mmmm I don’t really have a tendency to stick to any particular series or AU for very long? I guess in terms of general themes I’ve done zombie AU’s the most, between Age of Heroes for Young Justice and Road Trip to End Times for Voltron...something about zombie apocalypse scenarios just fascinates me, especially since it can be done so many different ways.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

252 user subs, 444 work subs, 2039 bookmarks. I didn’t even know that until now, huh

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

There’s some character interactions that are such hot-button topics in the VLD fandom I’m cautious about approaching them because I don’t want to deal with people complaining or begging for things to get escalated. Like, I love Keith and Lance’s interactions in canon, but don’t have much fic centered around them because ship lashback is real.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Short fic. What is brevity even? I can’t do zines or commissions because I can’t figure out how to manage a damn word count.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Nope! I don’t write any ships at all. I just write platonic interaction. Though I guess I wouldn’t be adverse to a platonic ‘rarepair’ as long as I liked the characters’ interaction potential.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

So far, 25. 23 of those are Voltron, 1 is Young Justice, and 1 is Supernatural (experimenting with cross-posting on both of those last two, some fandoms are just hard to break into or not on certain sites).

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

Oh boy. In progress? I wanna say 3. Notes? A lot, lot more.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I jot down notes! Or email myself ideas if I’m at work/out and about. Or speak them into a little portable digital tape recorder I keep next to my bed, if it’s the middle of the night and I have an idea, but lack dexterity to type.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Not in a long, looong time.

16. How did you discover AO3?

Through TVTropes. Every time I finished a new series I’d swing by to read tropes pages and see if there were any decent fic recs. At first they all went to Fanfiction.net or livejournal but, over time, this ‘Archive’ thing kept showing up. I made an account to lurk or subscribe to things but didn’t actually start posting to it until at least a year later.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Moderately well known in the platonic corner of it probably assuming people know bosstoaster and I are not actually the same person lol but probably not well known outside of that. Once upon a time I was a Big Name in the One Piece fandom, but after the timeskip I fell out of the fandom and lost my pirate king throne. That’s okay, it was fun while it lasted.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

No but you all are too kind

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

In terms of ‘official’ authors, Brandon Sanderson is everything I ever aspire to be as a writer, and I take a lot of inspiration from that. For fic? My buddy BlackFriar was super helpful during the Young Justice era. More recently in the VLD fandom, @maychorian was big for just...getting me to stay in the fandom at all? One of her fics got me hooked and I stuck around, and then felt compelled to write, instead of just drifting off to the next interesting thing. And the Think Tank ( @bosstoaster @butteredonions @ashinan @mumblefox ) have all been huge for getting me to keep writing, between writing sprints and interesting discussions and a lot of encouragement, so that’s been huge for me this past year.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

At the risk of sounding like that one video...just do it. It’s scary to put yourself out there, but just do it. You learn by doing. You also learn by absorbing new things around you, so read a lot and try new stuff; you never know when something completely random or a personal experience might actually add a lot to your story. And finally, write for you, first. Write the stories you want to see. Writing for comments/bookmarks/reblogs only goes so far. It means your motivation is reliant solely on people liking your work, which means you start writing for other people and not for yourself...and if reception is lackluster, it can kill your ability to finish a project, which hurts your practice at follow-through. It’s a slippery slope and starts to make the whole thing a lot less fun and a lot more of a chore. Write things you want to read, and if you feel like sharing them after, other people might like them too, but it’s important that you like it, first.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Has to be plotted completely. If I try to wing it I meander or get hung up on trying to keep track of details. Turns into total garbage.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

A few times, sure. Happens to everyone. Most often, it’s people begging, demanding, or insinuating that my platonic fics should include a ship, especially if the fic focuses on the interactions of two specific characters. Those are very frustrating because I’m always upfront about the fic being friendship only, and there are usually a million other ship fics already out there. Leave my platonic fic alone! I usually ignore the comments, or just politely remind people it’s friendship only and will remain that way. In one bewildering instance in a different fandom I had somebody who had been thoroughly enjoying the fic up until the climactic battle, whereupon they were furious at how it was resolved, and took great pains to tell me just what they thought. That one stung. I had to sit on it for a few days before I worked up the nerve to respond, and chatted with a few friends over it too. In the end I realized that it was more comparable to a fan really enjoying a canon work but being mad about a sudden twist that just didn’t seem right to them. It happens. I thanked them for reading, explained that I disagreed with their comments but did hear them, and thanked them for their time. Best I could do.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

I am straight-up incapable of romance, period. Even so far as to slide into ‘fake’ romance (I once got prompted for fake marriage/dating and literally couldn’t envision how to do it? It’s just so foreign to me). Or flirting. I can’t even identify flirting IRL. Basically anything in that general area of writing is completely out of my league. I can write intense scenes that are intimate in non-romantic, non-sexual ways, but those are really difficult for me to do too and I’m constantly second-guessing myself in case it’s maybe too much.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

If I told you I’d have to kill you. But no, srsly, I don’t like to share ideas in progress until it’s almost done, just in case. Sometimes I share and then immediately lose interest, but I’ve already raised peoples’ hopes, and that’s just a dick move.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I’ll have outlines, or sometimes need to plan around prompts. I don’t usually do series, so I never really need to plan too far ahead though. Sometimes if I’m plotting a crossover/AU I’ll obtain the source material and read/watch/play it to start gathering notes for that fic while working on a different fic, so that by the time I’m done writing the current story, the AU’s skeleton is plotted out and I have a place to slot in all the characters.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

No. I’ve gotten better habits since working with the Think Tank but I still tend to be more of a ‘burst’ writer (no activity for days or weeks, and then suddenly word vomiting 100K in a month).

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

By a HUGE margin

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Oooh, that’s a toss-up between Phantasmagoria and Prince of Memory. The former because I love writing horror and it’s an idea I’d wanted to tackle for a while. The latter because it was a personal writing challenge to myself that I honestly wasn’t sure was going to go over all that well, but the response was stunning, and I was quietly surprised.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Caged Bird, from a different fandom. I make it a personal rule to never delete stories that I’ve posted, but ooh man, I wanted to get rid of this one really bad. I was happy when LJ gutted it. I actually don’t have any real dislike for any of my Voltron stuff.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Still writing because I’d die if I stopped. Like a shark. But with writing.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

That flash of inspiration, when you get an idea and suddenly it’s building itself almost too fast for you to keep up. Dialogue. Action sequences.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Getting started. Titles. Editing. Research. Any particularly emotional moment.

33. Why do you write?

Because fandoms are fun but I have so many questions after. “What if X happened? What if Y was a factor? Why not Z?” I try to hunt down answers to these questions in fandoms and if the fic isn’t already written, I write it. Also to challenge myself to do things that haven’t been done in the fandom yet, or to tackle things I haven’t tried yet.

I think everyone’s been tagged already so...feel free to play if you want, I guess!

#memes #fanfiction #fanfic #writing memes

[mortalkings]

The Mothership: A Panic! at the Disco Fanfiction Resources Masterpost

This is a compilation of the multitude of resources I have used over my half decade in the Panic! fandom to find fics to read. I will continue to update this as I find new resources in the future - and feel free to message me if you have recommendations or reclists/archives of your own that you would like me to add!

If you are reading this many years into the future, check the source, as I change my url often, but I’m always going to be in the Panic fandom. I would love to talk to you about fanfiction. :)

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My resources:

Master reclist (remake in progress; old version here) ♦ Archive ♦ To-read ♦ Mini reclists, fic bucket list, etc

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The following is a little overwhelming. I have bolded resources that I have found particularly helpful (or have enjoyed a lot of content from) to help you sort through all the options and decide which to try first.

This is Ryden-heavy, as that was the only pairing I read up until about 2015, but I have been collecting non-Ryden and multi-pairing resources as I’ve started branching out. If you are familiar with other ships, message me with some authors, reclists, etc that you like!

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Reclists:

**If you want yours added here, send me a message! Many reclists I used to use have been lost because the reccers changed their urls.**

Multi-pairing: bandficrecs ♦ camisodomy ♦ dickfic ♦ imalsointocats ♦ repulsive_x ♦ tacitus_3

Ryden: babyryanross ♦ becauseryden ♦ boycott-loves ♦ bullsareinbrooklyn ♦ comflix ♦ falsealpha ♦ ficsryden ♦ goldeneven ♦ ilovecheesebeca ♦ lexicon ♦ obien ♦ ohgwen ♦ othercrazything ♦ rosstitute ♦ ryandbden ♦ ryan--ross ♦ ryden-ficrecs ♦ tacitus_3

Brencer: extradatesadded ♦ goldeneven ♦ ryan--ross

Brallon: dallonsmiles

Joncer: ryan--ross

Rycer: goldeneven ♦ luna_k

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Archives:

**Pinboard archives are listed first, if the archiver switched over. Old Delicious archives are in brackets. Again, if you want yours added here, send me a message!**

artlessme ♦ cestwhat ♦ clandestinedreams ♦ confiteor ♦ crawfords_lover ♦ dotcoms_refresh [D] ♦ elucreh ♦ fueledbygaymen ♦ gigantic ♦ hesmagicandmyth ♦ ivesia19 [D] ♦ lenorach ♦ mandy_croyance ♦ meiloslyther ♦ midnightbex ♦ nearsbigsister ♦ qtlymakingnoise ♦ quixoticfangirl ♦ redjumpsuit418 ♦ redorchids ♦ rydenfanfiction ♦ ryrou ♦ rywalk ♦ sheisthesmoke ♦ silver_etoile ♦ sinsense ♦ slashxmistress ♦ spazzyskittles ♦ spocksherlock ♦ stepps ♦ suiteh3arts ♦ wearemany ♦ wolves_poison ♦ youfeelittoo

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Popular authors:

**These are authors that wrote substantial amounts of fanfiction over the years and commonly appear on reclists. Most have a masterlist pinned to the top of their journal. Pseudonym journals are in parentheses, mirrors in brackets.**

arctic_grey (beggarsnotes) ♦ arsenic_jade [INK] ♦ awakeunafraid ♦ behindthec [DW] ♦ cyclogenesis (cloviswest) ♦ danimpa (midnatstimen) ♦ fictionalaspect ♦ heavyhart ♦ ignipes ♦ ivesia19 ♦ jzbell (sunday_porch) ♦ lilywhitelilith ♦ panic_smile ♦ redorchids [AO3] ♦ ryrolovesbden ♦ sateenmusta (boysinterrupted) ♦ selectivelyurie ♦ silver_etoile ♦ softlyforgotten ♦ zarah5 [AO3]

Collab journals: inlipstick (insunshine & sinuous_curve) ♦ lullabysmile (panic_smile & whisperdlullaby)

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Popular communities/challenges:

**Many of these journals have some sort of navigation (ex. by author or year) in their Memories.**

Bandom Big Bang (2008-2012) ♦ Bandom Big Bang (2013-2017) ♦ Bandom Reverse Big Bang ♦ Bandom Solstice ♦ Bandom Stuffs It ♦ Bandslash Mania ♦ Damn You Wentz ♦ Disco at the Slash ♦ No Tags ♦ Panic Olympics ♦ Pop Off a Cork ♦ Ryden Revival ♦ Slash at the Disco ♦ Slashy Punk Boys

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Other resources:

Deleted/Friend-locked Fics (+more) (+more) ♦ Famous Fics ♦ Panic! at the Disco Slash Seek ♦ Stepps Masterlists

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Send me a message if you need help finding a fic, want a recommendation, have a reclist or archive you would like me to add, have a question, or have ideas that could help me improve this further!

@kevinray

#please reblog my life's work #wall of tags begins: #ryden #brencer #brallon #joncer #rycer #rywalk #jondon #panic! at the disco #panic at the disco #brendon urie #ryan ross #dallon weekes #spencer smith #jon walker #I haven't really seen fanfiction about the other members so I'm not going to tag them. just to be slightly less extra #alright this is it #I can finally delete the mile-long folder of resource bookmarks in my chrome browser