#i plan to post some more gif related advice at some point

[theninthdoor]

chenle || a look into 2023 (part I); tarot reading

✉ The reading will be split into 2 posts due to the character limit.

✦ General View of His 2023:

cards: seven of pentacles (ten of pentacles), five of pentacles (the lovers reversed), five of cups (the world)

In 2023, Chenle will be working on his longterm stability by both assessing his current state and making the necessary changes, as well as making serious plans for the future to come. He's truly putting in a lot of effort into creating something that will last a long time and provide him with longterm financial security, as he knows that cutting corners or being too careless with these matters now might only lead to trouble later on. He could also be looking for advice on matters of money and career, so to ensure that what he's doing will actually pay off. On the other hand, there are also some loses on the horizon for him. Whether that means financial loses due to contracts being broken or personal/emotional loses due to connections falling apart/ending, he'll certainly go through some temporary hardships. However, sometimes these are blessings in disguise, and losing something ends up opening the door of opportunity for new beginnings. As much as he may feel pessimistic about the situation or whatever came to an end in his life, he just has to reach out to someone and ask for support, or make an effort to find something positive about it. Not all is lost - he'll just be in low spirits for a little while, but he can get through it!

✦ His Role/Attitude:

card: the moon reversed

Up until now, Chenle has been very confused and insecure about everything in his life. He may be lacking direction, letting himself be swayed by other people, or simply not be sure of himself and what he wants out of life. Either way, in 2023 he will be coming out of this period, and finally getting his life together. There shouldn't be as much anxiety and vagueness as before, as he actively makes an effort to become more practical and realistic. He can't push everything under the rug anymore, or else it will only get worse for him. By keeping a clear mind and facing his responsibilities head on, he'll find that things that he judged too hard for him to tackle, just seem less and less complicated. (To be fair, I do think that this is normal adulting stuff. He's only now 21, and up until this point he didn't have many serious responsibilities to deal with. But, of course, as he grows older, he has to start making plans for himself and getting his hands dirty with real life stuff. It's scary, but it's necessary.)

✦ Specific Areas of Life: ⭒ Swords || Mental State: cards: five of swords reversed, seven of swords

In 2023, Chenle is not getting himself into arguments that he doesn't see worthy of his attention and energy any longer. He just wants peace of mind and for people to leave him alone. For that, he's willing to compromise and sacrifice a lot, too. I just feel like he's very tired of fighting a losing battle. Whatever this is, people aren't making any sense at this point; no resolution is coming out of it; these issues aren't even relevant anymore. So, in conclusion, it's just better for him to surrender his weapons and move on. I don't think he will be 100% satisfied, but at least it will allow him to free his mind from these problems. Also, he's being very sneaky this next year. He's carefully picking what to say and what to keep to himself; keeping a lot of secrets and doing things in the shadows - which I think is related to him not wanting to argue or having to explain himself too much. Chenle simply doesn't want people to be all over his business, so he's gonna sort out what can be revealed and what is better for him to keep quiet about.

(Disclaimer: all readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only.)

(In Part II: Cups || Emotional State ⭒ Pentacles || Career/Financial State ⭒ Wands || Energy/Creative State.)

#kpop tarot #kpop astrology #nct dream tarot #nct dream #zhong chenle #chenle tarot #nct tarot #nct #nct dream chenle

[yourmcu]

V-Day

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Summary:

You’re not like most people who enjoys Valentine’s Day. Can a certain redhead change that?

A/n: just a late valentine related imagine for all of u bc I’m incapable of posting this sort of stuff on the exact day. enjoy! (I’m finally using this iconic gif don’t mind me)

Word count: 1,753

Warnings: fluff

The 14th of February is just another normal day for you. You always find Valentine’s Day cheesy, you don’t see the point of celebrating it. That sort of thing isn’t as important as Christmas or Halloween. Not that you're bitter because you're single, you couldn’t care less about that, it just isn’t the occasion for you.

Tony outdone it this year. The compound looks like it was powdered pink and red overnight from all the decorations when you step out of your room. You almost don’t want to know what the main area looks like. Sam and Wanda are probably getting started on breakfast which would consist of everything shaped like hearts.

Your plan for the day is to stay in your room, only coming out for snack and drink refills, simple as that.

“Hey, Happy Valentine’s...” you pretty much tone out every v-day greeting that came your way, rolling your eyes playfully as you sit down with everyone, greeting them with the usual good morning. You expect the compound to be deserted by midday since surely all of them have plans with their partners for the rest of the day, which is perfect. For you. And for them, of course, yeah.

Sam and Bucky made their way to you. “So, Y/N, how are you?” Sam greets. You already suspect that they were hyping you up for something. “Food good, coffee good... sleep well?”

You turn to them with a smile on your face. “Alright, what do you want?”

“Well,” Bucky lets out a breathy laugh. “Sam here was just helping me-”

“That is not what’s happening. What he wanted to say was,” the birdman cuts him off. “We both wanted to take you out to dinner tonight, we can’t settle on who, so we’re letting you pick.”

You blink. They have to be joking. Do they not notice your routine during this time of the year? After socializing with the team you’d grab a day’s worth of snack, head back to your room, lock the door and lose your mind on video games until the next day.

Unhealthy, but it's for one day.

“Only if you want to,” Bucky adds hastily.

“Come on, this is a chance of a lifetime!” Sam insists, wiggling his eyebrows.

“We’ll go to your favorite restaurant.”

“It’s just a friendly date.”

What you fail to notice was Natasha listening to the events happening. Her foot taps against the floor as she discreetly waits for your response, taking coffee sips and bites of food and looking away whenever she looked like she's eavesdropping. No one else is paying attention, everyone has their own conversations.

Inside, she pleads that you’d turn both of them down, just because she’s planning to ask you out herself. They just beat her to it.

“I appreciate the thought but I’m sorry, I have plans,” you shrug. “Why don’t you take each other out instead? Not literally.” You give them another smile and walk out of the room, coffee in hand. 

Sam and Bucky nods indicating they understood. Sam tells his friend that if he had more appeal you’d agree to the date. But they take you up on your advice, already planning a guy’s night.

Natasha almost cheers when she hears the first part, only to spiral when she hears that someone had already asked you beforehand. You're unavailable. She could ask you out any day, but you deserve something extra special. She sees this day as her only chance to confess her feelings for you.

Her eyes trail you as you walk out, turning to Wanda when you were out of sight. “Do you have any idea who asked Y/N out?”

“I don’t,” Wanda replies, a bit distracted. “They’re lucky, I’ve never seen Y/N show interest in anyone since I met her. Anyway, I have to go, Vision and I have a whole day planned...”

Natasha huffs while people slowly file out of the kitchen. As far as she knows, Tony's with Pepper, of course, Wanda and Vision, Steve is probably going to join Sam and Bucky on their night out, and Clint is back at his farm celebrating with his wife.

And you’re with that person, which most likely someone who isn’t on the team otherwise she’d know. She's left by herself to mope.

-

Few hours have passed, maybe three, it’s lunchtime. As you suspected the compound is empty, so you make your way to the kitchen to make yourself something to eat.

Boxed mac and cheese is the only thing you knew how to make.

“Y/N?”

You almost drop your stirring spoon at the sudden voice. You feel embarrassed about your choice of outfit, you feel and look like a grizzly bear while she looks stunning, even if it’s just plain workout clothes.

“Hey, Nat.”

“I thought you were... out with someone?” Knowing you, she might’ve misunderstood when you said you ‘had plans’. You look so cozy she would love to hug you on the spot if she isn’t so sweaty.

You let out a curious hum, turning off the stove. “I was?” You giggle. “Where’d you hear that?”

“I didn’t, just, I assumed you’d be,” she mutters and finishes her water bottle. 

You're now grabbing a bowl for the mac and cheese you made. “I mean, Sam and Bucky did ask me if I wanted to but... y’know, if I’m being honest they’re not really my type.” You pause to look at her who was staring back. “Have you eaten? This batch I made is enough for three people, I think.”

Natasha nods at your offer. “They did say it was a friendly date.”

You stop scooping the macaroni and perk your head up with a grin. “So you were listening.”

“Not like I had any choice, I was in the same room.” Quick save.

“Mmhm.” 

Then there's  a minute of comfy silence as you clean the area you made the meal on, putting the pot away and stuff.

“Why don’t you have a date today?”

“What?”

“Anyone would kill to go on a date with you, Nat.” Is what you say in your head. But instead you say, “Well, you know, I didn’t expect you be here too.”

Natasha shrugs and before she could answer you add, “No one’s caught the notorious Black Widow’s attention yet?”

She chuckles at your words, looking up at you. “Who did you think I’d go out with?”

“I dunno, Steve-”

“God, no,” she quickly cuts you off and laugh,  you laugh along but at the same time sigh in relief.

“Crap, I just remembered I have a game to finish,” you hold the bowl of cheese and macaroni and stick two spoons on the side. “I’m cordially inviting you to my room, you are very much welcome, after you change.”

Natasha tells you she’ll see you there in a bit.

-

“Huh. I just noticed you do this every Valentine’s Day,” Natasha notes as she takes everything in. Your PlayStation's on, your trash bin is almost full of snack wrappings, couple of beers tucked at the side of your bed. “Cozy.”

“Why, thank you,” you say sarcastically, picking up a controller and waving a vacant one at her. “Feel free. Or you can just watch me fail at this game.”

Natasha decides to join the game a little later, now she's lost in thought on how someone like you spends such a day like this, or how beautiful you looked as your eyes dart at every direction of the screen and how you sometimes bite your lip when you're that focused in the game.

It's always the little things she likes about you.

Glancing at you one more time before eating a spoonful of mac, she turns back to the TV to watch how you're doing.

But you're witty, kind and easy to get along with, why wouldn’t you have a date - or why wouldn’t you want a date on Valentine’s Day?

If only you knew how she feels, she’d make sure to treat you well. Like you deserve. She’d take you on dates you’d enjoy every time the 14th rolls by. If you don’t like the holiday for some reason she’d find a way-

“NO WAY,” you cover your mouth and bump your head to Natasha’s shoulder in defeat, making her come back from her trance to look at the big red words on the screen, indicating you lost. “I almost had it!”

Natasha leans into your touch and pats your back. “You can try again.”

You groan. “I definitely will but for now, I’m gonna take a break.”

“Great,” she shifts a bit to get comfy, switching to Netflix and choosing whatever’s trending right now. “I’m just curious but, do you like someone?”

You hum in response, sipping on a beer, not completely processing what she said. “I - yeah. I guess so,” you tug the blanket closer and pout at the movie that’s on. You don’t like romance movies. You always prefer an action or a mystery one any day. “Do you?”

Natasha feels her heart ache for a moment. “Yeah. She’s kind and sweet, goofy but can still seriously kick your ass type.” Your eyes land to her hands. You knew fully well Natasha isn’t straight, she admitted and definitely doesn’t act like it. “There’s just something about her that makes me... love her.”

“She sounds great,” you mumble, starting to get lost in your own thoughts. “I guess I just-” you hesitate, just because the woman you're about to describe is the same one sitting next to you. “I feel bad for her that someone like me likes her.”

“Why would you think that?” Natasha chuckles, shaking her head.

You shrug. “She’s amazing. So out of my league, I’d say she’s so close but so far away but that would be really cheesy and ugly,” you laugh. “I don’t know, she deserves way better.”

Natasha hums. “Sometimes I think she needs to her worth, because what she doesn’t know is, she’s very much amazing in her own way.”

Looking up at her from her shoulder, your eyes light up and you don’t know when it happened, but you just found her lips pressed against yours softly.

Even if it was just a short kiss you feel breathless when she pulls away to look at you again.

“Just so we’re clear, we’re just describing each other like idiots right?”

“Yeah.”

Natasha leans in to kiss you again.

---

oh my god I want a hug

[shameless plug] check out my natasha romanoff ambience here

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff imagines #natasha romanoff oneshot #natalia romanova #natalia alianovna romanova #black widow #black widow x reader #black widow x fem!reader #black widow imagines #avengers #the avengers #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #mcu imagines #tony stark #bucky barnes #sam wilson #wanda maximoff #vision #steve rogers #x reader #reader insert #valentine's day #fluff

[ladymaigrey]

Enneagram and DD/Defenders – Part 2 – Matt the Reformer

Find all the posts in https://ladymaigrey.tumblr.com/tagged/enneagram (or go to my blog and look for “enneagram” tag)

gif courtesy of @dead-fandom-support-group​ (see her other enneagram gifs here)

TL:DR – The Reformers are perfectionistic and idealistic, with strong drives to “do good” and little patience for any perceived failure. Quick to anger and guilt-prone. Certain, stalwart and arrogant on the outside, they question themselves on the inside: are they actually “good”? are they sure they are right?

When under stress, they can become narrow-minded, self-centred and dramatic (movement towards Type 4 - Individualist).

For balance, they need to learn how to relax and let-go a bit - let the world spin on its own for a little while (acquire some characteristics from Type 7 - Enthusiast).

Matt: in addition to fitting Type 1 description (and often going towards Type 4), also has some characteristics from Type 2 – Helper, particularly the tendency to put the needs of other’s before one’s own, to the point of martyrdom.

The Reformer - in general

The Reformer has a strong value system about what is right and wrong and is quick to judge themselves and others in accordance to these norms. They are perfectionistic, but practical. They struggle to tolerate ambiguity or subjectivity, preferring objective facts and categories. They like to plan, organise, control, impose order over chaos.

The Reformers are their own harshest critics. They can be quick to anger if they see themselves or others falling short of their ideals. Yet anger often causes guilt, if they believe that a truly “good” person should not get angry. Therefore, anger is often suppressed out of conscious awareness. Still, it tends to come out in expressions of righteous indignation, sarcasm and guilt.

They are quick to argue, moralise or instruct – because they Know How Things Are Supposed To Be. Yet, internally, they are often worried that they are wrong, that they are not Good. Although they may question themselves on the inside, outwardly they will struggle to shift from their position because admitting they are wrong is too threatening to their idealised self-image.

The Reformers are over-responsible. At extreme, they can get burned out with carrying their unrealistic “shoulds” and “musts”. They struggle to relax and have fun.

According to Wagner (1980, p. 60) “They identify with St. George slaying the dragon, crusading to make the world a better place to live in.”

Research participants identified (or identifying) as Type 1, also tended to have high Conscientiousness (Big-5) scores and high Sensing (S), Thinking (T) and Judging (J) scores in MMPI test.

Matt the Reformer 

Judging on the basic outline and, particularly, that St George quote, Type 1 fits Matt well.

His definition of “doing good” is to defend the little guy against injustices and stand up to the unjust strong and teach them a lesson. He is perfectionistic, highly conscientious and disciplined when it comes to his goals - a legacy of his Dad’s insistence on academic diligence, Stick’s drilling, and his internal drive to protect and see justice done.

He is very certain of his direction on the outside, defending his position with a bull-headed obstinacy to rival the Punisher, but he questions himself on the inside. He is often plagued by worries that he is not, in fact, “good” or “just” at all – worries that he most likely internalised from his childhood, from those who admonished “Be careful of the Murdock boys, they have the Devil in them.” Therefore, he feels like he must forever prove his goodness to himself.  He is over-responsible to a ridiculous degree, taking it as a personal goal to prevent all injustice he “can” (i.e. that he is within an earshot of, and his earshot is looooong). Whenever he “fails” - guilt and rage follow. Rage (and violence), in turn, feed into his guilt and self-doubts about being “good”. Sometimes it seems that he is more guilt-ridden than an old farmhouse is ridden with termites.

For all of Type 1s’ practicality and need to control, when it comes to pursuit of goals and facing threats, they tend to make decisions instinctually, based on the product of their perceptions and gut-response. Matt Murdock is an allegorical embodiment of this concept. He responds to what his senses tell him – responds immediately and, often, drastically, without pausing for thought or communication with significant others. For type 1s (and other “gut” types 8 and 9), this often stems from the belief that “life is a battle, and their weaknesses must be tested” (Zuercher, 1992, as quoted in Hook et al., 2020), and THIS IS THE MOST MATT-DESCRIPTIVE STATEMENT I’ve ever read in a peer-reviewed psych article!

In addition to Type 1 characteristics, Matt shares some Type 2 characteristics (in Enneagram parlance, that would make him a Type 1 with a Type 2 wing). Specifically, Matt seems to take pride in denying his own physical and safety needs in order to meet the needs of others, as per his self-imposed responsibilities. This type of martyrdom is more characteristic of Type 2s (Helpers). At the same time, the occasional over-the-top drama that goes with that martyrdom is characteristic of Type 4 (Individualists).

Although, to be fair, it is always difficult to judge psychological state purely from behaviour. So, it is debatable whether his tendency to put his needs last is driven more by his Type 1 perfectionism (i.e. his internal need to do “good” overpowers his other basic needs), or his Type 2 martyrdom beliefs (i.e. the belief that his suffering is immaterial, and even required, in the face of the suffering of others, and that he only matters when he helps others). As @ceterisparibus116 and I discussed sometimes ago, it seems that martyrdom tendencies tend to raise their head when he has faced some kind of “failure” or setback - when he is feeling low regarding his life and identity. At such times, it is perhaps a heightened need for self-sacrifice – to prove his goodness and worthiness through meeting the needs of others to the detriment of his own - that may contribute to some of his more painful (and draMattic) physical excesses.

Then again, human psychology is a mudbath and it is never clear which rising bubble is driven by which underlying motivation.

(As an aside, I do think that the DD-fandom (myself included) has embraced the Type 2 martyr!Matt more than the canon actually suggests. He is often written in fics as forgetting or forgoing his basic needs (including food, sleep and medical care) in order to constantly give of himself to others. I wonder if, on some level, it reflects the real-life tendency to react to Type 2s – the “humble” Helpers – in a more positive or warmer way than the “arrogant” Type 1 do-gooders.)

Anyway.

When faced with crisis and failures, Matt does tend to move towards Type 4 (Individualist), as suggested by the Enneagram theory. He becomes dramatic in his sense of uniqueness and messiahnism; also – self-isolating, liable to be impulsive and making self-destructive decisions. His thinking narrows down myopically to the sole pursuit and defence of his goals. Although his goals as Daredevil revolve around “saving” others, being Daredevil is a large part (if not the whole) of what defines his life’s meaning to him. Therefore, his narrow focus at these times of high stress, and his prioritisation of Daredevil’s goals above the feelings and goals of significant others, is suggestive of a strong core of defensiveness/self-protectiveness. The righteousness of his aims is, in part, a psychological mask; it is a demand for others to excuse his poor relational behaviour on the basis of the specialness of the burden he chooses to bear.

That is not to imply that, when Matt stands up for his identity and his goals to his friends, it should only be regarded as a sign of self-centredness or depression! Telling those, who persistently refuse to accept someone’s truth, that ‘this is who I am’ – as he does to Foggy in Seasons 1 and 2 – can be a sign of positive self-regard and self-esteem. Similarly, when Matt gravitates towards the Type 4 Elektra and attempts to embrace some of her ideals of putting personal wants before duty, it is driven by a healthy impulse to balance the obsessive nature of his goals. Or, at the very least, to share the burden.

Matt is also capable of behaviors that, according to the Enneagram, balance some of the unhealthy extremes of his Type 1 characteristics. Although he is serious and driven most of the time, he is also capable of relaxing and having fun (which is a type 7 characteristic – the balance archetype for Type 1s). Although Matt is perfectionistic, it isn’t driven just by guilt and fear - he also wants to reach his targets (e.g. excelling in law school) for the sense of achievement it gives him (which is a Type 3 trait). He practices some mental and emotional self-care, leaning into the benefits of meditation which, at least in theory, should allow him to switch off from his over-thinking and judging, and simply be touch with his internal sensations without reactivity.

Finally, I think the fact that Matt doesn’t totally disavow his anger but, instead, finds a productive release for it while punching crime in the face, is overall a healthy(-ish) impulse. His anger has a specific role in his goals. Therefore, he has, at least partially, solved the dilemma that plagues Type 1s, i.e. that their anger means they can’t truly be “good”. Only partially though, as he certainly still has plenty of self-doubts and internal guilt trips (see the “why did God put the Devil in me” conversation with Father Lantom in Season 1).

Wagner (1980) advises that, in order to achieve psychological balance and free themselves from the overwhelming perfection of their world-altering goals, Type 1s need to learn that,

“The universe is not perfect, yet, but it is unfolding as it should. Be patient, God isn’t finished with me, yet.” (p. 113) 

To me, this advice seems similar to the idea of the Tapestry that Father Lantom spoke of to Matt (see conversation between Matt and Sister Maggie in S3e13). Enneagram, being theistic in its origin, makes many allusions to the perfection of the Process by which the world works and of the Divine Thought guiding it. This axiom states that all moments and all creatures within this process are perfect in themselves and in their place. Perceptions of imperfection come from the Ego, which is of the mind, not of the Divine original essence. Serenity – the lost virtue of Type 1s – comes from trusting the perfection of the process and the Divine Love guiding it.

By the end of Season 3, Matt appears to have made some steps towards accepting this premise. At least - intellectually. Maybe.

References

Wagner, J.P. (1980). A descriptive, reliability, and validity study of the Enneagram personality typology (Doctoral Dissertation). Retrieved from https://ecommons.luc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3108&context=luc_diss

Zuercher, S. (1992). Enneagram spirituality: From compulsion to contemplation. Ave Maria Press.

#enneagram #psychology #reformer #matt murdock #daredevil #defenders

[rpgmgames]

April’s Featured Game: Nobody's Home

DEVELOPER(S): oates ENGINE: RPG Maker MV GENRE: Survival Horror SUMMARY: After a night of extreme drinking and partying, you wake up in stranger's bed to discover... Nobody's Home.

Buy the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *oates: Hi, this is oates! I'm a pixel artist and game developer, I've started making games with rpgmaker in 2016 with VX Ace and now currently using MV for recent projects. Previous projects I've worked on were the FNaF-inspired Souls-like One Night at the Steeze, my first rpgmaker game and it's prequel, the FNaF-inspired roguelike No Delivery. Other games I've worked on include the fangames Day Dreaming Derpy, made in VX Ace and Spike's Day Off, made in MV and the latest in a series of previous fangames previously developed on Adobe Flash.

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *oates: Nobody's Home is largely based on my experiments to find and apply horrific elements in modern situations or phenomena. The scenario being explored here in Nobody's Home is the aftermath of some crazy party. Sound design is especially important when crafting a horror scenario, so I often look to music to draw inspiration. Much of the atmosphere and house design was inspired by music and imagery associated with '70s yacht rock (a sub-genre of soft rock). Another important note is a lot of the general mood and 'weirdness' was inspired by a band I listen a lot to, Dance Gavin Dance, specifically their "deathstar" album. However they have a tendency in all their albums to switch genres mid-song, often going from their post-hardcore sound to funk, pop, and even rap; aside from that, some of the subject matter covered can range from disturbing to unpleasant to nonsensical, but combined with the amazing music, it creates an experience that pulls the listener in all different directions. It got to the point that I was naming events in the game after some their tracks so I had to be careful not to inadvertently make a fangame haha But there are some easter eggs in Nobody's Home that were intentionally left in, and I'm fairly certain players have identified it already.

How long did you work on your project? *oates: I used much of the same framework left over from my previous project No Delivery for this development cycle, so the hassle for setting up asset pipelines was very much mitigated. I started in earnest, making assets back in January this year so it took roughly 2+ months to finish development for this project.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *oates: Aside from the previous music inspirations, I was really intrigued with the way Resident Evil 7's Beginning Hour demo was able to pick up where Konami's cancelled PT left off in terms of survival horror games to look forward to back in 2017. Prior to later updates, the initial demo really only included a few set pieces, basic item interaction, and almost no puzzles from the full game. It was largely able to pull off scaring players from almost atmosphere alone (if you exclude the Jack Baker and ghost encounters). It was later in the full game that it was able to show off it's metroidvania-esque design to its fullest. After my previous project, I wanted to step away from roguelike design for a bit and focus a little more on an exploration-based experience, so I took a few notes from the way RE7 and RE2: Remake handled map design and progression.

Did you come across any challenges during development? How did you overcome or work around them? *oates: I was coming off a severe cold last year and it took most of January for me to recover, so it was a little hard to start full-on development immediately like I normally would on top of other career matters. And looking at events today, it's even more imperative that developers practice healthy habits during development.

Did any aspects of your project change over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *oates: I've had the idea for Nobody's Home as a concept for a while, but filling in those gaps with actual gameplay between centerpieces was a big variable. I went back and forth between the turn-based item combat from the previous project to cutting out combat entirely. While I didn't implement it, I also brainstormed a few concepts for overworld action and combat ala Zelda, but it seemed too complex given the time frame I set for myself. Eventually I settled on a middle ground between full combat and separate encounters, with "enemies" acting as essentially a toll gate. The rest of the game followed suit with various tolls and "mouse traps" for the player to trigger at their own behest. This wasn't necessarily the design I had in mind at first, but it helped to concisely fill a relatively small location with specifically "deadly" content.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *oates: I largely work solo for both development and art, but I do regularly work with a few musicians for an original soundtrack. I first started working with other composers for the fangame Day Dreaming Derpy, where after the initial demo was released, I received emails from a few musicians volunteering to contribute some tracks for the game. In all, the original soundtrack contained 9 tracks in total, with 3 tracks from each composer; each of them doing an amazing job and, in my opinion brought the project back then to a higher degree of quality. This was how I met some of the composers I still work with today and they all have some really great work! TheNGVirus @NGVirusNG1 Kaminakat @thekaminakat dRedder @HornyGremlin

What is the best part of developing a game? *oates: It's a toss up between the initial brainstorming/research and the first run-through when you have your desired maps linked together. For the brainstorming, it's pretty fun to learn about subject matter you want to do justice to as well as stretching your creative muscles for the first time in service to a certain concept. However this obviously wears off when you devote too much time to a particular concept, but it's still enjoyable nevertheless. For making that run-through, it doesn't necessarily mean to have all the events implemented, but to experience your game the way players will experience it for the first time does give a sense of completion/cohesion to what you, as a developer, are trying to accomplish. It essentially puts what you're working on into a different perspective for you.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *oates: I do keep an eye out for what other rpgmaker projects are doing, and to see what others can do with the engine helps get the creative juices flowing; it's also fun to try to mentally reverse engineer how certain mechanics or effects were made. And it's always great to see fellow devs showcase what's possible with the engine.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *oates: Nobody's Home has a relatively small cast of characters, whom you do interact with but never see, this is largely to done to create a sense of "un-relatability", but if I had to pick a character, it'd be "car guy", the guy you find stuck in the car. They have a good line, " ...there'd be a good reason for this, but there isn't..." Story of my life.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *oates: There were a few areas I would have liked to expand on or add, specifically- the attic + roof, the front lawn, behind the walls, and an entire second floor. Unfortunately that meant potentially adding more questlines and NPCs while the first set of questlines were pretty interwoven so it would have been way more complex, also again, given the time frame I set, it would have extended the development cycle way beyond what I had time for. But if I had implemented those extra areas, the game's length would also go way beyond the 30 min - 1 hr it takes to complete the game as it is now.

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *oates: I'd like to do both really, each installment of the VCRPG line of games is definitely a stand-alone story, or an isolated incident, but I would love to explore the aftermath of the game's events and how the passage of time ravages and twists the story into urban legend. I like to treat places and environments like characters as well, capable of making memories, being misunderstood, preserved, destroyed, and ultimately capable of change.

What do you most look forward to upon finishing the game? *oates: Both the fan reaction and free time honestly speaking. Once the development cycle finishes and the game is published, your work isn't really finished as there's always a chance someone's feedback can apply to immediate changes or patches you can implement, even during the release period. Marketing is also another large step to take into consideration after release, this includes tweeting, sending keys for lets plays, etc. Watching playthroughs is also a really good way to collect data on what parts of your design fall through and what fail to land. But after all that is said and done, some free time really helps the brain recuperate.

Was there something you were afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *oates: Just whether or not I handled the game's subject matter tastefully. Like horror cinema, everything done is in service the the themes and message of the piece as a whole.

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *oates: The game engine is essentially a tool, and like any tool you can find plenty of creative ways to get the same result. And don't be afraid to research whatever it is you need help with, it also helps to be specific with what you want.

Question from last month's featured dev @moca-pz: If you can collaborate with any game developer in the world, who would it be? What would be their role(s) and what would be your role(s)? *oates: Game developer I'd like to work with: Hidetaka Miyazaki His role: Story Lead and Director My role: Drinking buddy Game we're working on: SciFi Souls

We mods would like to thank oates for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Nobody's Home if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

#rpg maker #nobody's home (game) #nobodys home #nobody's home #game #rpgmaker horror #pixel horror #horror game #indie game #gotm #game of the month #oates #gotm 2020 #2020 #april #april 2020

[misstrashchan]

The Man With Two Souls, Pt. 2

Okay, so this ended up being a fucking long part 2 to my previous meta post. There was a lot I wanted to get down, and if it doesn't make sense or you don't agree with it, that's fine, I'd just be happy if you read it. Now I can rest until the finale comes and beats me up.

So, there's a few more Salem and Adam parallels to start off with like

(8) Having the same reaction to hearing someone mention Blake and Oz and the possibility of them getting the upper hand against them

(9) Chronologically after this happens (we see Adam destroy the throne room in Volume 6 episode 2, but we see him lose his mask at the end of the Adam trailer) deciding to go after Blake on his own while Salem creates the winged Beringel grimm and plans to go to Atlas herself, presumably to go after Oscar/Ozpin so he doesn't get in the way of her plans (as well as Ruby since she clearly needs her as well)

"If you want something done right, you do it yourself" - Volume 6 Chapter 13

(10) Adam and Salem telling Blake and Oz about how they're going to destroy them and those around them

"The ability to derive strength from hope is undoubtedly mankind's greatest attribute. Which is why I will focus all of my effort to snuff it out. How does it feel? Knowing that all your time and effort has been for nothing. That your guardians have failed you. That everything you've built will be torn down before your very eyes."

"So you send your guardians, your huntsman and huntresses. And when they fail and you turn to your smaller soul, know that you send her to the same pitiful demise. This is the beginning of the end, Ozpin. And I can't wait to watch you burn." - Salem, Volume 3 Chapter 12

"What you want is impossible! But I understand. Because all I want is you, Blake. And as I set out and deliver the justice mankind so greatly deserves, I will make it my mission to destroy everything you love. Starting with her." - Adam, Volume 3 Chapter 11

(11) Salem and Adam's perception of Oz and Blake affecting their perspective of themselves... and the audience.

Okay, this one's honestly kind of weird. For so, so long there were a lot of people who bought into the idea that Ozpin was secretly evil or somehow worse than Salem, or that he'd done something terrible and unforgivable to Salem. I fully admit, I was one of those people. I mean, I didn't think he was evil, but the way Salem talked to him at the end of volume 3, listening to the song Divide, I thought, he must have done something bad to Salem, right? How could she hate him so much otherwise?

And the worst thing he did... was leave her. When he couldn't go along with being a genocidal dictator of the whole world alongside Salem, and didn't want their children to be a part of that either.

And as for Adam, he tells Blake that she hurt him more than anybody because she left him.

"All sorts of people hurt me in all sorts of different ways. But no one hurt me quite like you, Blake. You didn't leave scars. You just left me alone." - Adam, Volume 6 Chapter 12

And Salem would also have been hurt from Ozma trying to leave her. Especially when you think about her backstory, how she was kept isolated in a tower, and instead of finding freedom in the outside world, found it in Ozma. And then he died, and she was alone again. And then the Gods destroyed humanity, and Salem is left alone one again for god knows how long.

"Once again, Salem was alone." - Volume 6 Chapter 3

And weirdly, similar to Ozpin there were people who bought into Adam's false perception of Blake too. That Blake is somehow the one who hurt Adam more than he hurt her (which is, completely insane).

And Salem and Adam want Oz and Blake to feel that way. To be paralyzed with self hatred and doubt, to be stuck in the past, and feel as if everything is their fault. That Salem and Adam are their responsibility, at first to save them, and then to stop them.

You see it with Adam's gaslighting, trying to paint her as an unfaithful coward. And I mean, just listen to the song Divide. The whole song is Salem trying to make out Ozpin to be the villain, that she's killing people but the real murderer is him for trying to give people hope, even if it was hope based on a desperate lie.

"It was you who ended their lives! Made them to dig their own graves! With your dark, sick, cruel design, convinced them their world could be saved." - Divide

And there were a lot of people convinced by Salem's song Divide that Ozpin was far worse than he really was, to the point it was surprising that he hadn't wronged Salem in some way like most people were expecting.

And Adam tries to make Blake believe that she's a coward, that she's selfish and weak, that running away from her problems is all she knows how to do.

And for a long while, Blake believed he was right. That she was toxic to the people around her, that she made things worse for them. And there were some people in the fandom who thought that she really was this toxic person.

It's actually kind of scary, but Salem and Adam managed to manipulate not only Blake and Oz's perception of themselves, but also the audience as well in how they saw them.

I don't doubt for a moment this is going to extend to Oscar as well if she meets him, that she'll likely try to convince him that he's just Ozpin and that he, Oscar, doesn't matter, and he'll fail and make the same mistakes as their past lives. Which undoubtedly parts of the fandom are going to take Salem's false perception of Oscar to heart as well and believe her.

Which brings me to move on from Blake's parallels with her first "soul" and Ozpin, to her second "soul" and Oscar.

Now Blake alluding to the Man with Two Souls is metaphorical, while in Oscar's case it's very literal, and it's no coincidence she's the one who first introduces us to the concept to us with the book she's reading during the Shining Beacon.

"...It's about a man with two souls. Each fighting for control over his body"

(It's important to note that the conflict between the two souls is not one of Good vs Evil)

Blake's conflict of her two metaphorical souls fighting for control, is the false perception Adam had of Blake and who she used to be with him, her past that she can't escape, and the struggle for her smaller, more honest soul, trying to define herself and decide who she wants to be. And for Oscar, he's struggling to define himself and decide who he wants to be, because of the merge with Ozpin, and that his past will become Oscar's too.

Both of them want to do the right thing and rise to their challenges, but it seems like such an impossible task to them that they're afraid to meet it.

"I'm... scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been. Than I ever thought was possible. I always knew I wanted to be more than a farmhand. But this? Who would ask for this?" - Oscar, Volume 5 Chapter 5

"I joined the Academy because I knew that Huntsman and Huntresses were regarded as the most noble warriors in the world. Always fighting for good. But I never really thought past that. When I leave the Academy what will I... How can I undo so many years of hate?" - Blake, Volume 2, Chapter 10

But the person who sees Blake's "other soul" the person she's truly capable of being, who she really is, even when she can't herself, is Yang.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out. You're not one to back down from a challenge Blake." - Yang, Volume 2 Chapter 10

And the one who sees Oscar and who he's capable of being even when he can't himself, is Ruby.

"Hey Oscar? I know this isn't going to be easy. But the fact that you're trying says a lot about you. You're braver than you think." - Ruby, Volume 5 Chapter 5

Blake and Oscar are also the first people we see Yang and Ruby open up to about their past trauma. The difference between the two being that in the Burning the Candle scene Yang is more willing to be vulnerable around Blake, to let her guard down and open up to her about her abandonment issues and how they've affected her.

Because as a more emotionally mature character she understands she needs to do that in order to properly relate to Blake so she can offer her support. She gets frustrated however when Blake still refuses her support, and so she has to give her a push to accept it.

Ruby, however, isn't as emotionally mature as Yang, and doesn't find it easy to let down her guard and talk about her emotions. Her mentality being described as "I don't have time for my emotions, I've got to make sure everybody else is okay" - RWBY Rewind: Ruby Rose Rewinds With Us

She feels like she constantly needs to be a pillar of strength and support for everyone around her as a leader. She has a hard time opening up about her own feelings and being vulnerable around others. For her, it seems much more natural to internalize those feelings rather than face them head on. As a leader, she feels she isn't supposed to show fear or doubt. If she admits how she's hurting or how scared she is, she'd be afraid of those around her losing faith.

Ironically, it's Ozpin's words of advice to her that enforce this mentality

"But if you aren't constantly performing at your best, what reason do you give others to follow you?"

So even though only a minute ago Oscar saw that Ruby was clearly upset over something (being reminded of Penny's death)

Ruby then goes on to act like nothing's wrong when she then attempts to reassure Oscar. And it feels like a performance, and though Ruby genuinely does want to reassure him, it comes across as insincere to him. He's frustrated because Ruby isn't being honest about how she's feeling, and is only concerned with his feelings.

So in the Dojo scene we have Oscar start to push Ruby past that flawed mentality that Ozpin enforced, to be more honest about how she's feeling, to talk about how the Fall of Beacon and the loss of Phyrra and Penny affected her, how she's afraid of Salem killing people she cares about, and that she'd kill anyone regardless.

And with both Ruby and Yang opening up about their past experiences they can relate to Blake and Oscar's own fears, doubts and insecurities. Blake's need for answers and Oscar's fear of the fight with Salem, and Yang's need for answers and Ruby's fear of the fight with Salem.

"I told you! I'm not telling you to stop! I haven't. To this day I still want to know what happened to my mother and why she left me. But I will never let that search control me. We're going to find the answers we're looking for Blake. But if we destroy ourselves in the process what good are we?" - Yang, Volume 2 Chapter 6

"I am scared! But not just for me. What happened at Beacon shows that Salem doesn't care if you're standing against her or not. She'll kill anybody. And that, scares me most of all. Phyrra... Penny... I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. That I didn't think about them every day since I lost them. That I didn't wish I had spent more time with them. If it had been me instead, I know they would have kept fighting too. No matter how dangerous it was. So that's what I choose to do. To keep moving forward." - Ruby, Volume 5 Chapter 5

And by demonstrating their own resolve, as well as their belief in the kind of people Blake and Oscar are capable of being that inspires them to be that person.

"I'm. Not. Running."

"You. Will." - Blake and Adam, Volume 3 Chapter 11

"She made a choice. To put others before herself. And so do I."

"Then you've chosen death." - Oscar and Hazel, Volume 5 Chapter 12

There's also Blake expressing her doubt in Yang during volume 3 after she attacked Mecury, causing Yang to question her own judgement.

She compares it to how Adam used to attack people, and of course she knows Yang wouldn't do something like that without good reason, but she can't but feel like the situation is very familiar. And Blake knows Yang isn't Adam, and makes it clear that she's decided to trust Yang.

"I want to trust you. I will trust you." - Volume 3 Chapter 8

But despite that, Blake's words do still weigh on her mind even when she's alone, where Qrow comes to talk to her about what happened and reassure her, and then they end up talking about her mum.

And then with Ruby in volume 7, Oscar expresses his doubt in Ruby in her decision to lie and hide the truth from Ironwood, comparing it to how Ozpin did the same to them, which, similar to Yang, causes Ruby to question her own judgement. And obviously he knows Ruby isn't Ozpin, that she probably had a good reason for lying. But again, the situation just feels so familiar.

But ultimately he decides to put his trust in Ruby, even before Ironwood.

"I do believe in you. But not only you." - Volume 7 Chapter 7

And by episode 9 they're both on the same page in deciding to choose the truth over fear. (if only James could have stayed on that page too)

Similarly to Yang, we see Ruby alone in episode 4 of volume 7, and you can tell Oscar's words are still weighing on her mind, as Qrow comes over to talk to her and she asks him if she is like Ozpin, and he reassures her that she's not, and then they end up talking about her mother.

Okay, so I'm going to go out on a limb here, and you can call me out on my bullshit if you like, but I'm making a prediction (like, 12 hours from the finale, but hey, it might happen later in the series for all I know)

If we're going full in on the parallels here, remember how Yang lost an arm trying to protect Blake from Adam, and afterwards Blake ends up leaving Yang like Raven, believing she'd be better off without her?

And how Salem is on her way to Atlas after hearing Ozpin had reincarnated, the foreshadowing for Ruby losing an eye and them bringing up her trauma around Summer in Chapter 11?

On top of her wanting Ruby alive?

I'm gonna guess Ruby loses an eye trying to protect Oscar, and then afterwards either Oscar or Ruby tries to sacrifice and give themselves up to Salem, except it ends up being a hollow sacrifice like Summer's

"I didn't have a choice I did what I had to do I made a sacrifice but forced a bigger sacrifice on you!" - Red like Roses Part 2

Because Salem would end up taking both of them either way. I actually can't imagine a scenario where she doesn't, because she needs both of them. But one of them has a worse fate, a "bigger sacrifice" in store for them when they reach Evernight (which I'm still thinking is Ruby)

#rwby #ozpin #oscar pine #yang xiao long #ruby rose #salem #blake belladona #adam taurus #trash meta #thank FUCK I can finally sleep #thanks to anyone who read this to the end #I don't think I'm any good at this but it feels good to just waffle sometimes

[khhunniewriting]

The Others (6)

[ Mafia/Gang AU ]

On Leo’s first day of school, he managed to stand out during physical education when he managed to finish the mile run before anyone else. Everyone had been sluggish, still in break mode while he had spent a majority of his time on the court.

“You’re ready as always Leo.” His friend Byung-yoon, who he knew better as Bewhy, was right behind him. He had been the basketball team’s captain at his previous school meaning the two knew each other well. At least as well as anyone could know someone who spoke so little. 

Leo nodded.

“Let’s go to the basketball team’s tryouts together after school.”

Again he nodded.

The school day finally ended allowing students to go their own ways. Some went straight home while others socialized with friends. Others like Leo went to clubs or sports.

Bewhy placed his arm around Leo’s shoulders maneuvering him through the crowded halls. “You know Cjamm came to this school too, with his grades he’s probably in one of the lower classes but I’m sure he’ll be trying for the team.”

Leo recalled Sungmin or Cjamm, as he preferred to be called,  was the small forward of the team. Bewhy and Cjamm were childhood friends so he wasn’t surprised he knew he was at the school without having seen him. 

They got to the locker rooms and quickly changed into their sports attire before heading to the gym. There was no sign of Cjamm anywhere making Bewhy worry about his friend.

“I wonder where he is...”

Leo and Bewhy began warming up when they spotted the shorter male entering the gym followed by a taller guy.

“Hey guys, sorry we’re late but Ji-hoon got scolded on the first day.” Cjamm talked about him as if he were an old friend but most importantly as if he had forgotten who Lee Ji-hoon was.

“Uh...” Bewhy looked back and forth between Ji-hoon and Leo. He decided to ignore them for a moment to deal with Cjamm. “Don’t tell me you got in trouble too.”

“Nah,” Cjamm waved him off. “I was just waiting for Ji-hoon since he said he was joining the team.”

“So you did come here!” Ji-hoon approached Leo with a smirk. The only reason he had wanted to come to this school was that he predicted it would be where Leo went. Judging by his middle school’s distance it was easy to figure out.

Leo remained stoic as he silently eyed the unruly guy. Standing close to him Leo found himself having grown slightly taller than Ji-hoon.

Ji-hoon’s loud voice called attention to the pair. 

Cjamm’s head tilted, “Wait do you two know each other?”

Bewhy groaned, “You know him too Sungmin.”

“I do?”

“He’s number eight, Lee Ji-hoon.”

“Oh, so why did you want to be in the same school as Leo?” 

Ji-hoon realized why it was so easy for Leo to always be so quiet and yet communicate flawlessly with others. He was always being surrounded by such loud energetic people like Cjamm and Bewhy. They did all the talking while Leo listened and observed. 

“Guess you don’t talk much off the court either, huh?”

Leo made no attempt to respond when the question itself was pointless.

“He’s a bit of a minimalist,” Bewhy jumped in trying to salvage the conversation from turning into a confrontation. 

Ji-hoon took a close look at Leo’s appearance, his shoes catching his attention. “A minimalist with shoes like that?”

“Woah,” Cjamm whistled upon seeing Leo’s brand new shoes. “Your mom really loves to spoil you young lion.”

Leo narrowed his eyes at Cjamm for calling him out like that. He did not particularly care for the nickname or the fact that he was talking about his mother in the presence of someone as loud and curious as Ji-hoon.

“Is that what you guys call him?” Ji-hoon laughed enjoying the fact that Leo’s face had finally changed from its emotionless state.

“Yeah, you see Leo’s mom named him after his zodiac sign-”

Leo covered Cjamm’s mouth with his hand to stop him from giving his private information. It was followed by a single glare before he walked away to continue warming up alone.

“Now you did it,” Bewhy sighed. 

“Why’s he so mad. It’s not like I called his mom hot again.”

“You better go apologize before he gives you the silent treatment.”

Cjamm was quick to go after Leo and follow Bewhy’s advice. He knew the burn of Leo’s cold shoulder when he, in fact, made it known that he thought you were hot. 

“I’m not sure why you’re interested in Leo but try to keep your personal issues off the court.”

“Wow, you already talk like you’ll be the captain of this team too.”

Bewhy shrugged, “We’ll see.”

At the end of the tryouts, the coach stood before the lot of teenage boys with the assistant coach to the side. They were discussing amongst themselves, checking through their notes making sure they were on the same page about who would go and who would stay. There were nodding and glances in the boys' direction trying to put a face to the name when they did not recall them until finally the selection was made. 

About half the students were asked to leave until only fifteen were left. Usually, only twelve were allowed on the roster but the coach was planning for the future where he expected some kids to drop out once practice started. 

“The rest of you will have to continue coming to practice every day after school.”

“Yes coach,” was heard loud and clear throughout the gym.

While some kids gave a sigh of relief at being picked, Leo and his friends had expected the outcome. 

“Now we wait to see if we make the starting line-up.” Bewhy was hoping to once again be the leader but he wasn’t going to throw a fit if he didn’t. He was a humble guy after all, unlike others.

“Piece of cake,” Cjamm rolled his neck and shoulders feeling confident he would make the starting line-up. “I’ll be the SF, you’ll be captain, Leo will be PF and  the center will be Ji-hoon.”

Ji-hoon nearly beamed hearing Cjamm include him. He had never gotten along with his previous team so it was refreshing. It sort of nourished his need for attention. 

Leo was first to finish changing back into his uniform. He was always listening to what the others said and agreed that they were good. He glanced over at Ji-hoon as the reality began to kick in that he would be on the same team as his rival. 

The four of them walked out the front gates of the school where a black Range Rover with tinted windows awaited Ji-hoon. The driver came out to open the door for Ji-hoon giving the other three a glimpse of his lifestyle.

“So you’re a rich kid,” Cjamm teased.

Ji-hoon was never one for caution but even he knew he couldn’t go telling everyone that he was the son of a mafia leader. “Something like that,” he sighed. “Any of you want a ride?”

Bewhy shook his head appreciating the offer but he and Cjamm lived close by. They had a routine of walking home together even if they didn’t walk to school together on account of Cjamm regularly oversleeping.

“We’ll walk, come on Sungmin.”

They waved goodbye leaving Ji-hoon and Leo. “What about y-” Ji-hoon went silent as he saw Leo had already begun walking in the opposite direction. “You could at least say something...” he scoffed.

After a week of practice, the roster was made final and the starting lineup was posted on the bulletin board at the front of the school. It was meant to be seen by the entire student body so they would know the faces of their new basketball team.

“Told ya-” Cjamm smirked seeing his picture up. For once he had gone to school early with this as his motivation. “Congratulations Captain,” he gave Bewhy a pat on the back.

Captain- Lee Byung-yoon

Small forward- Ryu Sungmin

Power forward- Lee Leo

Center- Lee Ji-hoon

“I have to say I do feel a bit left out though.” Cjamm hadn’t realized all his friends shared a name in common. “Are you related to the young lion and master Ji-hoon?”

“Of course not, it’s just a common name.” 

“Speaking of...” Cjamm waved to Leo and Ji-hoon as they both entered the school gates. “What took you so long?”

Ji-hoon explained how he had stayed at his mother’s house the night before resulting in a longer commute. On the other hand, Leo offered no explanation going straight to the bulletin board to see what the other two already knew. 

The four of them were now part of the same team.

\\\

After weeks of befriending Bewhy and Cjamm, being on the same team, eating lunch together, and even having the same class as Cjamm- he still knew very little about Leo. He had yet to hear him speak a word which was annoying considering it was one of the reasons he was there to begin with.

Lee Leo was an enigma to him. He wondered how it was possible for someone to be so composed and silent. 

If he couldn’t make him talk at school Ji-hoon figured in a more casual setting, such as hanging out outside of school would do the trick. “Hey, you all want to hang out this weekend?”

“Sure, I’d like to see what a young master like you does for fun.”

“I’ve got nothing better to do,” Bewhy agreed to go along.

Everyone looked at Leo as he shook his head. It was an obvious response to the two who had known him for longer.

Ji-hoon scowled, he would have asked for an explanation but Leo was approached by a couple of girls. One immediately wrapped her arms around one of his and leaned her weight against him.

“Ummm... may we borrow him for a second.” 

Once again he was being called out for a confession making the other three, who had yet to even have one, feel inferior. They watched him get pulled away out of view.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong with that guy?” Ji-hoon asked. “Like does he have some sort of medical condition or am I the only one who doesn’t understand him?”

The other two laughed knowing exactly what he meant. They experienced the same thoughts when they first met Leo. 

“Nah man, it’s just the way Leo works.” Without Leo around to stop him Cjamm began freely spreading his information. “You see he’s an only child from a single-parent home. Before he went to school he only talked to his mom. Socializing isn’t really his strong point but thee’s something about Leo that just makes you want to talk to him.” 

Leo drew people in with his unique character, an embodiment of charisma. t never was hard to make friends because people were always curious about him.

“You understand right?” Bewhy recalled how Ji-hoon failed to explain exactly why he had wanted to attend school with Leo. “Didn’t you come here because of him?”

Ji-hoon nodded. “After our last game... I realized that no matter how many times I hit or got in Leo’s way- he never complained. He just never said anything and went along playing the game like nothing had ever happened. It made me angry.”

Both Cjamm and Bewhy looked at each other with worry.

“I hate people like that. People that can hide their emotions, people that act like everything is okay when it isn’t.” Ji-hoon pushed his unruly hair back. At home, he was constantly surrounded by people like him. His father, his mother... yet he could barely contain his feelings.

He reminded him of his father who stuck around being married to his mother even though he clearly didn’t love her. Or how he faced his rivals with a similar stoic stance when inside he was irritated and angry.

Ji-hoon was highly intuitive and sensitive to his environment. He easily picked up on the emotions of others. He knew after every game Leo was in pain, irritated, or upset but for some reason, he wanted to hear him say it. He wanted to know why he was able to hold it all in.

Even now Leo said nothing when Ji-hoon invited himself into his group of friends.

Bewhy understood Ji-hoon a bit more now. He had been apprehensive about him at first but now he knew Ji-hoon was just like them in the way that they wanted to get to know Leo. “I don’t know if you realize it but you’re just as strange as Leo.”

Ji-hoon’s brow furrowed in question. What about me?

“You look, talk, and act like a delinquent but really you’re just a softie who has a hard time making friends.” Bewhy and Cjamm laughed simultaneously at his expense.

“The f*ck did you say about me?”

“See, you’re putting up your delinquent act.”

Ji-hoon growled but didn’t say anything. 

Their attention was drawn by Leo as he rejoined the group with not even a hint of what had happened with the girls. 

“So you’re just gonna act like nothing happened?” Ji-hoon asked.

Leo nodded sitting back down in his original spot. 

That Saturday, when the guys were going to hang out with Ji-hoon, Leo spent your day off with you. He woke up early to help you with the cooking and cleaning. All he wanted was to spend time with you even if it was doing menial things like this.

“So when is your first game?”

“Next week.”

You nearly dropped the ceramic dish you were washing. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“It’s just a practice game-”

“All games are important Leo. We need to prepare you well.”

Leo knew what that meant. Often you would take him to the spa where you worked and gave him the luxury treatment professional athletes got. It was important that his sore muscles got tended to and that he was relaxed in both body and mind. 

“Let’s go to the spa later today, okay?”

He nodded.

Later that evening you showed up at the spa unannounced. Many of the employees had already met your son and expected him regularly around the school year. 

“Boss you brought your son today,” the front desk attendant of the spa commented. She was glad to see you because something had come up that she had been contemplating whether to call you in during your day off.

“Yeah, I came to make sure he’s ready for his game next week.”

“I know it's your day off but is it possible you can help train the new employee? The hotel manager just brought her in as a special hire.”

Your brow furrowed, as the spa manager you were always consulted about the spa staff and new employees. Even if they were special hires, meaning people who got in through connections and recommendations rather than applying normally. 

It went without saying that you would indeed look over her training. Even if she was a special hire you had to assure she would not hinder daily operations. While Leo went to change into the all-white ensemble the spa provided you went to your office where a long-haired blonde woman awaited you.

“Hello, I’m the general manager of this spa L/N F/N, but you can call me Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kim Hyun-jung.”

\\\

On the day of Leos’s first game you were seated front and center. Practice games hardly drew a crowd compared to official games allowing you the rare chance to see the game from close up.

Leo made eye contact with you upon scoring his first shot. He was glad to see you were as enthusiastic as ever clapping and cheering loudly for him.

Ji-hoon recognized the voice from games before when he would be up against Leo. He never managed to find the source until now. That must be his mom. He looked back at Leo as he smiled approving of your chanting his name before turning back to him with that determined gaze that he hated. It meant Leo was in the zone, pushing away all unnecessary thoughts and focusing on the ball. Ji-hoon had been confronted by that look many times to know Leo intended to win.

As a power forward, Leo’s efforts were focused inside the three-point line. He made sure to rule that area, making every one of his moves count.

After the first half of the game was over Leo realized he had far less need to use aggression when Ji-hoon was on his team. Not only that but he and Ji-hoon seemed to coordinate their moves well. This was good considering they were both usually scoring under the basket.

Ji-hoon nearly choked on his water when he realized Leo was staring at him from the other end of the bench.

“What?”

Leo looked away dismissing the question.

“He’s probably thinking how smoothly the game is going,” Bewhy offered the explanation to Ji-hoon. “When we played against you, Leo would use the breaks in between quarters trying to relax before he got too aggressive. Now he’s realizing it’s better to have you as a teammate than a rival.”

Ji-hoon frowned, “Why didn’t he just say so instead of giving me that creepy look of his?”

Bewhy laughed, “If you impress him he might give you an approving nod after the game.”

“That’s it, a nod?”

“What did you want, a hug? You really are a needy guy Ji-hoon.”

“Shut up!”

The rest of the game Ji-hoon focused incredibly hard seemingly entering the zone in a similar way as Leo. The two of them finding themselves able to score more points than usual, ending the game with a win.

“We did it again!” Cjamm ran around high-fiving everyone including Leo who simply stuck his hand out for Cjamm to do so.

Bewhy followed suit when Leo offered his hand to him too, “Another good game Leo.”

Leo nodded.

“You too Ji-hoon. Who knew we would all work so well together.” Bewhy caught Leo’s conflicted expression through his peripheral. “Right Leo?”

Leo sighed but nodded.

“See... got yourself a nod.” Bewhy teased Ji-hoon.

Like always you waited for Leo outside just a small distance from the gymnasium. This time it seemed Leo was taking longer than usual. Lots of other boys seemed to come and go before you spotted Leo approaching with a few friends.

You recognized Bewhy and Cjamm immediately but the boy the other boy you had trouble placing. Leo looked to be a bit displeased that they were accompanying him.

“Sorry for making you wait Ms. Lee.”

“You’re always so polite Byung-yoon. Congratulations on winning your first game, everyone did such a good job.” Your eyes met Ji-hoon’s stopping for a moment as if asking who he was.

“This is our new friend Ji-hoon,” Cjamm stepped in. “You might recognize him as number eight.”

Both Bewhy and Ji-hoon gave him a pointed look for giving unnecessary information.

“Number eight-” you gasped. What happened to him? The unruly kid from before seemed so imposing, tall, and rude. Now he was on parr with Leo it was almost unimaginable. You turned to Leo with a pout, “Why didn’t you tell me your old rival was your teammate?”

He simply shrugged, in all honesty he didn’t think it was necessary to inform you unless something came of it. Ji-hoon had proven to be quite tame. There were no more fouls or useless aggression aimed at him.

“Sorry about that,” Ji-hoon gave you a slight bow. “I was going through some things back then.” He rubbed the back of his neck feeling somewhat ashamed of himself. Apologizing was foreign to him. “It’s not an excuse just an explanation for my actions.”

“I see...” Ji-hoon’s formal speech startled you, his word choice and actions gave him an air of maturity. Leo's affirming nod was really all you needed to validate. “I appreciate your sincere apology and am glad you two have come to an understanding. Seeing you all play so well together confirms you have gotten along well.”

“We’re all friends here,” Cjamm confirmed putting his arms around both their shoulders and bringing them down to his level.

-end-

A/N: Also, I have no idea why I made Bewhy and Cjamm Leo’s friends but I think it works 😂

#khh scenarios #dok2 scenarios #lee joonkyung scenarios #illionaire scenarios #khh #khiphop scenarios #khiphop #dok2 #illionaire #lee joonkyung #illionaire ambition scenarios #illionaire ambition #dok2 fics #dok2 x reader #dok2 x you #dok2 x y/n #illionaire fics #khh imagines #khh fanfiction #khh fanfic #khh fic #khiphop fic #dok2gonzo #the others

[e-luxion]

Why I think Johnny Suh’s Rising is...

Scorpio.

I don’t know why I had the need to make a whole damn post about it but I am cos I feel strongly about it, and I welcome people to come argue with me about this. ok that sounded semi-threatening, it wasn’t I promise. Please do interact and share your opinions, I love to hear them!! This is a completely useless post but here you go. Also, I didn’t go in too much depth in some placement and kind of kept things a bit superficial and did not talk about every single placement that he would have. 

First of all,

the way he just looks makes me nervous. That’s all. 

Let’s look at the basics of having a Scorpio Ascendant:

The most prominent thing about Scorpio risings are their eyes. 

They are usually piercing, intense and it stands out. Another thing that is common with Scorpio Risings is having “bedroom eyes” and/or “tired looking eyes”* 

Sharp looking profile. I am not going to talk too much about actual physical appearance of risings cos I think it is more complicated than that, like there is a lot that goes into it. But i can make a post about it if requested ;)

Even if the person is outgoing, they are very observant and really good at “reading the room”, and just picking up emotions 

Scorpio Risings are the mfs who just stare at people, they make intense eye contact for like no reason (whether is conscious or unconscious it depends on the person but in Johnny’s case, he 100% does it on purpose, does no one else remember that time he said he makes direct eye contact with people on purpose to make them nervous/uncomfortable??? (that's peak Scorpio AC culture right there) 

Very strong-willed individuals who can overcome a lot of hardship

Values privacy a lot and absolute kings of keeping secrets 

Scorpio Risings also have a magic way of making everyone open up their secrets to them. You probably won’t even realise, they just have that vibe that makes you open up

s a r c a s t i c

it does not matter who you are, what you are, what you’re into. Everyone is attracted to Scorpio Risings and you want to f**k them. I don’t make the rules, we just have that power. You can hate them or love them but you cannot help but be attracted to them. 

also fun fact for y’all, most celebrities have fixed sign risings (Taurus, Scorpio, Leo and Aquarius)

*reminds me of this one thing I saw on twitter once about how he hated when people asked him if he was tired when he wasn’t because he has a natural “sleepy” look or something along those lines

Now onto the fun part, looking at how his chart would look like if he had a Scorpio AC and why it somehow makes sense:

Leo Midheaven: For those of you who might get Leo vibes from Johnny, this might be why. The Midheaven is your “public persona”, the person your co-workers see and strangers see in public/work settings, and well Johnny’s job is being an idol so that is why he might act more like his Midheaven at first glance, and with his Mars also being in Leo, I believe it only heightens this. So Leo Midheaven is a midheaven that you’ll often find amongst performers/entertainers/singers/actors because people with this placement tend to be insanely charismatic, charming, creative and natural leaders. They also come across super confident, in their place of work they are loud and full of pride, you’ll just notice them no matter what. Naturally, they have a talent to inspire others, and sort of have a regal quality to them. The only thing bigger than their ego is their heart (very kind people), but it is their ego that helps them get far ahead in life, they’re also very ambtious and because they are so ambitious, they only aim for the best of the best (i.e. being famous). Great at storytelling, presenting, acting and possess an insanely creative mind, at the end of the day they just want to be seen. Seriously, Leo MCs seem to be those people that were just born to shine, they stand out wherever they go. 

Sagittarius on the 2nd house cusp: Lucky with finances and doesn’t worry much about money or their belongs (not @ Johnny throwing his fucking iPhone like it costs $5), even if you grew up poor (which he obviously didn't, he is a middle-class suburb lil bitch and it shows) you don’t worry too much about money. For some people, it seems like you spend your money a bit recklessly and just buy shit, and like to spend your money on experiences and travelling. Fun fact, I also have this placement I can confirm all of these are FACTS and I- mmm i dont want to talk about my spending habits cos yikes :) 

Pisces on the 5th house cusp: Two words: hopeless romantics. To the point where it’s slightly unrealistic, but that’s a different story. They really want the whole fairytale, the glass slipper and the spotting someone in a crowd and falling madly in love kind of thing. But also they express their love in a selfless, unconditional way, these are the kinds of people who love blindly and accept all your flaws. Can be very sentimental.

Cancer on the 9th house cusp: With this placement others have an affinity for you as an authority figure who has a strong nurturing or protective feel, very supporting and encouraging. It can be an indicator for moving away from the place where you grew up and finding comfort in foreign places. People with this placement also find it easier to adapt to different cultures. 

Virgo on the 11th house cusp: The helpful friend, looks out for everyone, they will always be there for you and great at giving advice. The type that remembers the little things, truly the parent friend cos they look out for you and the kind of person you usually love spending time with and make plans with. Actually only has a few *close* friends.

Sun in the 3rd: People with this placement are usually known for their intelligence and way with words. Sun in the 3rd house people hate to be bored and are always willing to try new things and experience new things (they also adapt very well to any situation), they’re also pretty light-hearted with a great sense of humor and can be mischievous. It also really balances the fixedness of his Aquarius sun. With the 3rd house of communication falling in the Sun, it gives the person a lot of confidence in their speech and pride in their communication skills. It is also said that people with this placement travel/move around a lot. Friendship, and again communication, is very important to them, they make friends easily and have a way of relating to others, also very open-minded. 

Moon in the 7th: This is definitely a people-oriented kind of placement, their emotional security is achieved through others, they have a strong need to be around people. (some astrologers also say that these people are the kind to always be in a relationship of some kind, it doesn’t necessarily mean an official “relationship” but A relationship, be it platonic, romantic/committed or literally just casual dating but they need to be with someone because they hate to be alone = feel unstable without someone) These are also the kind of people who fulfill their emotional needs per se through others, so by making others happy. 

Mercury in the 3rd: This is honestly such a perfect placement for Mercury, since it falls in its natural ruling house so the planet feels comfortable with this, especially being in an air sign (Aquarius). One of things that Johnny is known for is his “communication” skills, hence why he has a whole YT series: JCC or Johnny’s Communication Centre so this placement is the one that makes the most sense. Mercury in the 3rd house just boosts everything that Mercury represents, it might make someone have a short attention span or get bored easily but they pick up on things very easily, they are very good at multi-tasking and have a very active mind. They are usually the type that know a bit of everything, always have fun facts for you and can have a conversation in literally any topic with anyone, somehow know everyone and are friends with everyone, natural charmers. They LOVE to talk and talk a lot, they excel at any form of communication or writing, this reminds me of two things: (1) The translator at the Mexico concert said that Johnny asks a lot of questions, is very curious and excited to learn (spanish) and also talks A LOT. (2) I heard somewhere that Johnny was in a debating club in school. To sum up Mercury in the 3rd, are great at talking, communication comes easy to them and are huge social butterflies, a good sense of humour, very curious like a child and also like books. boom, jOhnny. 

Also to expand on this communication talk: He’d also have Capricorn in the 3rd house, which usually makes someone careful, these are the kind of people that think before they talk and unless they know what they are talking about, they shut tf up. Their voice can sound quite intimidating and authoritarian, but there is something comforting about it. Also tends to make someone very sarcastic, their humor is a bit dry, very dead-pan, the type to make jokes with a serious face and expect you to get it? Also tOO mANy dad jokes. 

Venus in the 2nd: Another Mr. Romantic placement that just fits Johnny way more than I want to admit. People with this placement are big old-timey romantic, they don’t fall in love easily but when they do they do fall hard and are completely head over heels, even if they don’t “fall in love easily” they secretly just want to be in love. They live for the pleasure, the romance and the beauty of it all. The type to send you a 100 roses with a card saying “to my one and only, from your one and only”, or buy you a huge teddy bear that smells like him, do the whole wine & dine you, picnic at a park and then take photos of you. It really isn’t about the huge romantic gestures, rather the small and cute ones, it’s about making memories and creating mementos, but also about the cheesy yet classy romance. They can also be super touchy, very physical. Another thing about them is that they really like to buy people stuff, and shower people with material things, it’s (one of) their love languages I guess. I can’t remember right but I am pretty sure I heard somewhere Johnny always buys members shit, like he just buys them stuff all the time. 

Mars in the 9th: I said I wasn’t going to talk too much about appearance here, but more energy/vibe instead but I can tell you this much, legend goes that people with Mars in the 9th either have a thing for thighs or have t h i c c thighs* or both so.... Very experimental people, lighthearted yet passionate, really turned on by languages and laughter/smiling. This is the kind of person that will debate anything to do with beliefs, and if you question their beliefs they’ll be like “:) :) :) ok cool ur opinion is valid, everyone has their own opinion :) :) :) except urs sucks :)” you know they secretly love intellectual fights, cos they’re opinionated as hell and have strong opinions, they’re super straight-forward and open-minded (regardless of the fact that they have very strong opinions) and are always willing to learn. Not the best at sugar coating things, kind of blunt whilst still remaining kind and humorous. But since his Mars is in Retrograde, the more aggressive sides of his mars will be very internalized. But their desire in life is to spread joy and laughter, they are very good at making others laugh and being playful.  Fun fact: people with this placement tend to move is a very bouncy kind of way, very clumsy. Another fun fact: I heard once that people with this placement may or may not have a teacher kink, and a sex abroad/while traveling kink, also having sex outside. 

*skip to 5:26

Jupiter in the 1st: First of all, I have seen a few Nctzen-astrologers type Johnny as a Sagittarius rising and this would be my explanation for that. Having Jupiter in the 1st will give you similar features and energy as a Sagittarius rising, people with this placement tend to have a larger than life presence, your presence is felt before you even walk into a room. Planets in the 1st house kind of go in pair with your rising (because well, it falls on that house duh) so it has a huge influence on how you carry yourself, how you present yourself at first sight, the kind of vibe that you give off and with Jupiter falling on your first house you just exude this optimism, enthusiasm and honestly? Just happiness and positivity. Also people with this placement tend to have big smiles and a large bone structure, Jupiter is the planet of expansion so it makes “bigger” everything that it touches so in the first house it will make your physical features “bigger”: big smiles, soft cheeks, thicc body, etc. This placement also makes people have a certain child-like quality, a permanent youthfulness because of the way they carry themselves (positive vibes y’all), they are also very driven and persistent people, with this fire inside that makes them succeed in anything they set their mind to, maybe it is because of this blind optimism that they eventually succeed. I don’t even have to go on about how this fits with Johnny because I think it speaks for itself. 

Saturn in the 4th: out of the many things Saturn represents, your fears is one of them, in the fourth house there could be a fear of losing family, also fear of being unloved (even if you are a very loved person, it is always in the back of your mind), also a fear of not being safe, and not belonging. Belonging might be quite important to him and above all, with this placement: family is taken seriously. People with this aspect value family a lot, and feel responsible for their family. And I think anyone that stans NCT can agree that Johnny definitely seems to take family quite seriously. 

Pluto in the 1st: LMAO ok so Pluto in the 1st, is one of the most intimidating placement a person can have. Even if you are the biggest cinnamon bun in the planet, people will be intimidated by you and lowkey scared of you at first glance. You will just naturally give off major alpha intense vibes, no matter what you do. This truly contradicts his (possible/hypothetical) Jupiter in the 1st, I can see it creating this extreme duality (that is very Johnny ngl) of being this intimidating ass man but also being a ray of sunshine that literally oozes positivity. With Pluto in the 1st, you also tend to rub people... a special way. When you have this placement in your natal chart, people either hate you or love you, there is no in-between whatsoever, but regardless of that everyone wants to f*ck you and if they say they don’t, they are lying to themselves. People with this placement tend to be insanely magnetic and people tend to be attracted to them, if they are in a room, you’ll notice them for sure cos their aura is just so intense. QWLL SHAPED LIPS 

I’d like to add this here to back up my theory: How Yuta said Johnny was the scariest hyung, and they all fucking agreed and Ten SHOOK his hand like “finally someone said it, that bitch is terrifying” and then there was that time (I couldn’t find it sorry) where Doyoung said that they were all watching a horror movie and everyone kept chatting and Johnny was like all of you shut up and Doyoung said that in that moment Johnny was scarier/more intimidating than the horror movie. Also, I have this theory that idols show probably would show their rising signs more in airports, cos you know they are just walking, minding their business with their “external self” faces on so I can see how their AC would show more in those situations. And like have you seen Johnny walking around in airports? That tall bitch is intimidating as hell, he has that stare and bitch face down to a T and then I remember he has the personality of a teddy bear and I am like ???????? how 

Note: for him to have these placements he’d have to be born at around 0:30 am. 

so HMU if you want me to do other members and I’ll do some research about it and do a post like that. I am not sure about some of the other members but I do feel strongly about Lucas, maybe Ten, maybe Taeyong (not too sure about him yet)

from your local hoe, Lulu xoxoxoxo

#nct astrology #nct risings #nct birth charts #nct johnny #nct #nct 127 #johnny #johnny suh #johnny seo #seo youngho #suh youngho #ascendant guesses

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 1 Chapter 8

• So…umm…I LOVE this chapter! More in hindsight than when I was actually playing it because back then it just sounded like a jealous woman trying to sabotage the MC and failing. But now having played through this chapter and even written a fic about it…I have to say there’s a lot going on in this one.

• I’ve often found the 8th chapter in the series pretty interesting. This was the first chapter in the series to feature diamond scenes from all three of the original LIs in a single chapter. This would happen again in Book 2, but by Book 2 the imbalance was a lot more tangible. I will speak more about this later…but suffice to say that back when we had just two books in the series, I would call the 8th chapter The Magical Number Eight.

• A common misconception that seems to stem from this chapter (and others, often by Kiara-haters) is that Kiara “agrees to be our friend” this chapter, and then jumps ship to Madeleine in Book 2. That’s bullshit. Kiara never mentions the word friend. She says ally. And she delivers.

• THIS is also where you get the first little inkling that Maxwell could be romanced, though we would only know for sure by the middle of Book 2. This chapter is also where you also get the first of many Drake’s plot related scenes. Which meant that sometimes, even if a fan did not like him, they would end up buying his scenes anyway for some crumb of information on their LI. Drake was already getting popular, but dropping hints of plot into his scenes gave him an added edge and often encouraged fans of other LIs who didn’t like him, to buy his scenes.

• Anyway, since the buildup took an entire chapter, the book pushes us straight into the dressing room for this one!

• Title: A Waltz to Remember.

Alternative Title: Lizzy Turns This QT into a Kiara Gush-fest And Does Not Regret It (Even If It Gave Her Hand-Cramps).

I love how over the course of three books, this particular dance form of Cordonia has gained the importance it has. And it’s lovely how - even though we’re not meant to like Olivia at this point - our first glimpse of Cordonian culture through this dance, is in her estate.

• Hana’s silver dress makes its debut here! Honestly, I kinda would’ve liked this one a LOT better as a gown than as the bodycon it eventually became. That pleated bodice really needed a long, flowy skirt to work. I’m always going to be a little sore they made it a short bodycon instead 😑

• Okay I love both our options for the ball, okay. They’re both big, and glamorous, and make a real statement. Which is necessary, because the plan is to show Olivia up at her own home.

Winter Goddess is gorgeous - it has that vintage Hollywood feel to me, and the caption for it sounds pretty romantic (“will capture the winter moonlight”). Snowflake Sweetheart is very on-point for the whole snow/ice theme Lythikos itself has going on. I’m very fond of the crystals and the illusion sleeves on the second one….but I have to say that silk-satin one with the fur stole is the winner for me 😅

Me Back Then (on one of my million replays): If I really have to take a diamond option, I’m taking the second one. I’m cheap.

Me Now: Still cheap. I’m not spending 25 whole diamonds on another gown when there’s already a cute one free in my closet.

• Maxwell is trying hard to channel Bertrand 2.0, and is badgered enough by 1.0 over the phone to almost succeed.

• One of the formal phrases he uses is “a diamond of the first water”, a phrase you’d see very commonly in the Regency era…which kind of solidifies my belief that Regency England was one of their world building inspirations even back then.

• We don’t fully understand the kind of power the hostess can wield in her homeplace, until this sequence. On principle, Olivia is not exactly answerable to anyone, not even the royals visiting her in Lythikos - she can decide on seat arrangements, she can give instructions to the staff on who gets the best portions of the meals and who gets the worst, she can monopolize on the Prince’s time with her if she wants. And she takes full advantage of that.

• However, her being the hostess doesn’t always leave her completely free to do what she wants, without consequences. Lythikos is not just a turning point for us - it’s one for her as well. And not exactly in a good way.

• Here’s what Olivia does to sabotage us at the ball:

- seats us away from our sponsor, and away from the head table. In fact this is something she does to all the suitors - Maxwell tells us that not a single one has a place at the head table.

- seats us way back, next to a commoner who is also constantly given the same treatment - which Hana points out is meant to be viewed in the court as an insult. To an MC who is still learning the ways of the nobility, this move is pretty much a miss…but it does give us a very clear idea of how hypocritical the nobility and royalty can be. Hana is not immune to the prejudice either (seen as she does not censor the statement when she says it in front of Drake, a commoner), but she eventually grows to fiercely guard him and defend him from those kind of attitudes later on��� and you can see a lot of that growth in TRH’s Walker Ranch chapters.

- has her servers give us ice-cold lobster bisque on purpose, thirty minutes after serving has begun. With no lobster in it. Remember, we’re in a wintry region where you require piping hot, creamy, fattening foods to stay warm. This isn’t just ruining a meal: Olivia is sending a clear message about how unwelcome they are, by giving them cold food devoid of the main protein, in the freezing cold of Lythikos.

- given the timing of her kiss on Liam during the waltz, she probably did that to send a message to us as well. It happens shortly after our dance with him, and from her reaction (angry, immediately establishing claim on him) to Liam’s dance with the MC, we can tell she’s more affected than she’d like to admit, and that’s what informs her actions during her second dance with him.

• Me Back Then: There is a nice option and a rude option. It’s Drake, but he’s Liam’s bff and I want to be nice.

(+ romance point)

Me Back Then:

Me Now: Romance points in Lythikos fall from Drake the way pee falls from someone with weak kegels. One tiny laugh and pssssshhhh.

• From the rude option you find out that Drake plays chess and often wins in his matches with Liam, so that’s a nice touch.

• The MC can acquire the fresh bisque for herself and her friends if she dramatically faints in front of a server. I quite like this (optional) moment because it shows her thinking on her feet and quickly ensuring she gets her way. The other options are pretty hilarious too, though, the obnoxious “do you know who I am” option comes with a Game of Thrones reference 😂

•

Me Back Then: …someone should leave Drake hungry at a party till the wee hours of the morning with access to only whiskey bottles. Whiskey for entrèe, whiskey for main, maybe we’ll be kind and give him brandy for dessert. Let’s see how far his love for whiskey goes then 😈

Me Now: Holy shit, Me Back Then, you just predicted the best scene in Book 3 🤣.

• One of my favourite TRR Tumblr posts ever, was the one where someone took a screenshot of Drake saying “I’m not one to complain about food” from this chapter, and placed a gif of Nicholas Fraser’s “Why You Always Lying” lyrics just beneath it 😄 If that isn’t the truth idk what is.

• Most of the chapter after this will focus on the Cordonian Waltz, Olivia’s little stunt and getting allies, so the buildup to Drake’s scene will happen now (and Hana’s just before we meet Drake). Hana will be dancing with Tariq, and then other partners in the meantime, so no opportunities to dance with her there.

I loved this dialogue option when I first saw it, but now that I know how much in love with dancing Maxwell is, this scene is ten times more fun! 😃

• On first playthrough…this didn’t seem like that big a problem. Maxwell was fun, and seemed to genuinely like us, and was berated a great deal by Bertrand - so it was easier then to perhaps forgive his gaffes and want to comfort him instead. But when you approach his character as someone who brought a complete foreigner to his country and then didn’t make much of an effort to educate her with what little time they both had…I wind up finding his character a lot less endearing. I’m honestly more irritated by his carelessness. There was a lot he could have done even if he forgot or didn’t know what to do. He could have asked around! Hana was right in front of him! He could have found out what to prepare for if he didn’t know or if Bertrand didn’t handhold him (which Bertrand himself isn’t exactly doing a good job of in the first place). The other LIs shouldn’t have to constantly step in and do his job as sponsor and guide!

• It’s only when we’re dancing that Maxwell realizes he’s not taught us the dance. Of course, if you bought Hana’s waltz scene, she whispers her advice just before you dance with him, and you give her credit for teaching you. If not, you go into it knowing very little (but because the options are easy to choose from, so you can still manage). Maxwell does explain its uniqueness in terms of the flirting potential and the fact that it’s a courtship dance…but the true beauty of that description only comes with Hana.

• Istg, if Hana weren’t around to repeatedly save our ungrateful asses…

• So THIS is the first opportunity you get to ‘romance’ Maxwell. He looks sad and tells you that you should only be here for the Prince, but it’s also that vague kind of sadness that you can interpret differently and write detailed fanfics about! I think a huge part of Maxwell’s appeal (besides the overall sparkling personality, and the fact that he was so different from both Liam and Drake) was the “will-he-won’t-he” nature of the LI question itself.

• We now move on to Liam, who is fighting a losing battle with his desire to favour the MC exclusively, but wants her to know that she is special to him. Notably he does say this in the “courtship” part of the dance.

• How do you know that the Cordonian Waltz was a strategic choice? Because Olivia chose to dance with Liam twice! And because she’s the hostess, it’s harder for Liam to refuse.

I remember being pretty uncomfortable with this scene the first time I saw it, I still am, and often I wonder if I’m the only one who feels that way. Whenever I see this scene being referenced, it’s often referenced in the most flippant ways. And it baffles me.

• Honestly, Olivia was clearly overstepping her boundaries here and didn’t even bother to ask Liam before doing it (Liam himself mentions he was “caught by surprise” and calls it an “unexpected advance”). Was Olivia doing it out of complex, understandable reasons? Like jealousy or frustration or showing the MC up? Well, sure I guess. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that her doing so was nonconsensual and downright wrong.

The funny thing is often this incident is either downplayed or erased completely, especially in contexts where people try to argue that Olivia “deserves better” than Liam, or sympathize with her for loving a man who “does not care about her”.

Does Olivia deserve to be loved back by a person she loves? Absolutely.

Is Liam a lesser person for not loving her back? No, and he shouldn’t have to be penalized or judged by a fandom for not doing so.

Is the fact that most people who uphold this “penalizing/blaming Liam for not returning Olivia’s feelings” argument, also tend to forget/downplay this particular incident…particularly disturbing? Well, yeah, definitely.

• Even the narrative fails with regard to this, actually. It is written in a comical style, with a couple of out-there dialogue options (like screaming loud enough of break poor Maxwell’s eardrums) and the MC is given a chance to lash out at Liam for not reacting fast enough or throwing Olivia off of him. And guess what his reaction is. Sad, contrite, trying to explain his position. It’s almost like it’s okay for him to feel guilty about something that was done TO him, that he was never asked permission for.

Olivia does suffer consequences, but more for her “power play” than for anything else. Her move isn’t viewed as negative for what it may do to Liam, it is negative because it is seen as a direct “fuck you” she is delivering to her competitors. The scene itself is written for laughs…which I’m surprised more people don’t find even a little uncomfortable.

• The reactions from the other suitors is pretty on point for their character types at this point. Madeleine is smug and condescending, confident that she will never be “unrefined or insecure” enough for such “ostentatious displays” (says the woman who will bully her entire court, run around Italy roaring drunk and name a drink after herself in Book 2). Penelope doesn’t exactly have a personality at this point, she merely comments that the kiss was a bold play. It is Kiara who points out the power dynamics involved and views it as the last straw in her waning support for Olivia.

Remember - the ladies of the court weren’t treated half as badly as we were, but they were probably more aware (than us) that they were being denied a seat at the head table, and had to put up with Olivia monopolizing Prince Liam’s time. While Kiara’s suspicions that Olivia is “mad with power” here probably aren’t too far off the mark (even though her feelings of jealousy and confusion may be involved, we can’t deny that there is a clear sense of “I’m the hostess here, I can do what I want”), it’s not just an assumption that simply stems out of nowhere.

• Maxwell sees and opportunity to gain allies, and encourages us to capitalize on it. The wrong options are pretty interesting: if you mention “slapping the smirk off Olivia’s face”, Maxwell tells you that the political equivalent would be to “attack her alliances”. If you suggest making out with Liam in public, Maxwell exclaims that doing so would lead to people gunning after you. Which is telling, because in Book 1 PDA is mostly shown as being frowned upon in Cordonian society in general. So Olivia’s very public kiss isn’t just brazen and bold to the courtly ladies, but also viewed as inappropriate and a jab at their own lack of power in this situation.

• I love that Maxwell gets the opportunity to encourage us to play politics. Love it. He is the first one to notice the change in Kiara’s attitude towards Olivia, and he recognizes that the time is ripe for us to captialize on it. While Bertrand, or Bertrand-and-Maxwell, are the ones who tell us the importance of gaining support from the press and the royals, getting the court to support us is wholly Maxwell’s idea. This added another layer to the way he was built in the story, and I’m not happy that we didn’t see a lot of that perceptiveness and skill around court later on. By Books 2 and 3, he was mostly relegated to the funny guy, the court jester. Book 1 Maxwell may make a lot of mistakes but you bet he’d be too smart to toss brushettas in the face of dignitaries at the UN. It was like his own writers forgot Maxwell was capable of more.

• OKAY SO THE KIARA SECTION IS A FAVOURITE OF MINE OKAY. And it only wound up being a favourite when I realized there were changes in her dialogue between my Esther playthrough and my Persephone one. I mean if I weren’t already a fan of her…this definitely would have converted me.

Before I get into the actual gushing…I’ll just summarize what the MC has to do to gain her approval:

- Language: Kiara is known for her proficiency with languages - it is the skill that defines her in court (to the point that you barely notice her other qualities). Her home language is French, and if you know how to respond to comment ça va she is cheerful and more willing to hear you out (if you choose the fromage answer she’ll a bit surprised but not too hostile, and if you say voulez-vous coucher avec moi, well…of course she’ll be pissed off because you just accidentally asked her to sleep with you). In any case, to gain her approval you need to respond in French.

In fact even Kiara’s goodbyes vary based on whether she becomes your ally or not. If she’s your ally, she says à bientôt before leaving (which is “see you soon”). If she’s not convinced by your arguments, she says adieu, which has more of a sense of finality to it and is often said when you don’t expect to meet again (in fact I’m surprised they had her say it) and is different from au revior (which means “until we see each other again”).

- Olivia’s Actions: Kiara reiterates to you what she’d just told the others - Olivia is on a power trip, and while Kiki is well aware that she’s not a top contender in this competition, she is not going to stand for being treated like she is lesser than the ones who do have power. Interestingly, in both Chapter 7 of Book 2 and this chapter, Kiara’s first visible signs of discontent/frustration come when both Olivia/Madeleine go on massive power trips (“she even named a drink after herself. Quelle narcissique”, Kiara says about Madeleine in the next book).

I feel like Kiara’s frustration may have already been there with Olivia’s treatment of the ladies of the court at the start of the Ball (but perhaps she may have been brushed it aside as a strategy you could expect from a noblewoman in her own estate) but it is Olivia kissing Liam and trying to establish a claim on him that is seen as the tipping point for her.

However, she’s also pretty pragmatic and is lowkey impressed with Olivia if you state that she went too far. She is irritated by the message Olivia is sending, but acknowledges that not many would have dared to do that in her place. A more neutral response works well with Kiara’s train of thought, because to her the important thing is seeing what works in the long run, and the MC has to convince her that she is a good alternative.

- Alliance: Kiara already anticipates this, since she is the one who straight-out asks this question. At this point Kiara is not exactly aiming to be Queen - she knows she is up against more powerful people, people who have more access to the royal family (perhaps her dad Hakim would have had a similar amount of access if Constantine wasn’t such a dick). She is not going to waste her time wishing for what she won’t get, when she can easily network instead. The answer that works best with her is the one where the MC speaks of Olivia’s friendship as being a one-way street where she always gets her way, which is ironic considering how the MC behaves in a likely worse manner towards Kiara in Book 3.

• One of my favourite Kiara lines is from the wrong option (“I’m nicer than Olivia”) for the Alliance segment: “Nice? Nothing about being here is nice. If I wanted nice I’d buy a teacup pig. 😡”

• Back in Books 6’s QT, I mentioned Queen Regina and Duke Bertrand as being the two people in the first book who watch out and keep track on our progress. Bertrand does it because he is our sponsor, Regina does it because after all we are one of the candidates for her stepson’s hand in marriage, and we’re the one he eventually shows the most interest in. But there is one other person who seems to be taking notice of our good performance as well:

On my fail run, where Persy doesn’t gain approval either from the press, or from the royals, those last two lines simply do not appear. She asks us about whether we’re looking for an alliance, and we immediately answer her. She will still join hands with you if you convince her (I did a test run where Persy said all the right things) but those words will not feature anywhere. Because the dialogue is coded such that it will only appear if you’ve done well in your previous two tasks.

That is fascinating to me, because Kiara is the only lady of the court who is written as noticing these things at such an early stage in the competition (the Lythikos Ball is only the third event in the social season, and the maximum approvals come from the Derby, which was the event just preceding it). She is the only person, besides Bertrand and Regina, who keeps track of our progress (even if that is only uptil this point, because if you win her support here, it stays that way until the Coronation). Even Madeleine, who has been part of a social season before and is viewed as having a lot of experience in the court, compared to the other ladies, spends most of her time simply underestimating the MC. It isn’t until Applewood and Ramsford that Madeleine even begins to think there might be more to this person.

Kiara, on the other hand, is observant. She is competitive but she knows when other people have the upper hand, and she will honestly acknowledge that you have an edge if you have proven yourself to the press and the Queen. For someone who would be seen as just a lady of the court….that level of foresight, observation skills and pragmatism is pretty phenomenal to me.

• I’ve said this many times and I will say it again: Kiara has always been upfront about what she’s bringing to the table in an alliance. She isn’t your friend and she won’t pretend to be your friend either. She mentions she will put in a good word and support you in becoming Queen, and she keeps her promise.

She keeps her distance from you otherwise, so you can’t dub her a ‘friend’ even then, but she will do her work as an ally. She doesn’t get involved in smearing your name while supporting you to your face. At the end of the day, she is a woman in the court trying to thrive and carve a space of her own, but she won’t dirty her hands to do that - and I don’t think she gets enough recognition for that.

• Alright I’ll stop gushing about Kiki otherwise this QT will never end 😂

• We now meet Liam, who tells us about the hot tub in his room, and invites us there. The intent is clearly romantic (the MC specifies as such, smiling, and Liam winks at you before he leaves).

• This chapter also marks the second time you see Penelope with Liam, after which you will only see her directly interact with him at his Coronation. Funny how Kiara doesn’t get even one opportunity in the narrative to talk to him.

• It’s the end of our big night in Lythikos, and we’ve got three invitations to spend time with an LI! Liam’s setting up candles near the hot tub, Hana is playing exquisite melodies on the piano, and Drake is drinking whiskey in Olivia’s wine cellar. Maxwell is…doing Maxwell things that we are not privy to yet. Or taking a nap.

• I won’t be going too much into detail esp for Liam and Hana’s scenes - because I have essays written on both! Both will be under the “Liam: Diamond Scenes” and “Hana: Diamond Scenes” sections of my essay masterlist if anyone is interested 😃 They will be titled “Hot Tub at Lythikos” and “Piano at the Parlour”, respectively. (another recommended read is “Exploring Hana in Her Context” where I talk about this scene, and her characterization. It’s a little further down on the masterlist).

•

(Screenshots for Drake from the HIMEME YouTube channel)

Liam: This is undoubtedly meant to be a romantic scene, and is hinted as much in the lead-up to it while still giving the MC the space to not go (since she says “I won’t make any promises”). He puts candles around the tub, and the tub itself is situated in an area where you can get a wonderful view of the mountains.

This scene is divided into two parts: the first where Liam gets to sincerely tell the MC he trusts her (optionally) and where they lightly flirt, and the second where he admits to feeling conflicted between giving in to his feelings and being fair to the other women. At this point he knows his feelings for the MC are stronger, implicitly trusts her (“I thoroughly believe that if you thought I was a pompous ass, you wouldn’t hesitate to tell me. I trust you, MC. Anything you say”), doesn’t want to call it love just yet but is well on his way to doing so. He tells us about his brother Leo, hinting at the events of the RoE series and explaining that seeing how love affected him made Liam think more about it. It’s not one of Liam’s absolute best scenes…but it is a sweet one where Liam tentatively explores his growing love for her - in some ways leading to his “almost-declaration” of love at the Forgotten Falls. In each scene of Liam’s, he takes a step further, and another, and another, to admitting his love for her and growing less guilty about his desire to be with her. He is still torn between his duty and his desire at this point, but you can already see him slowly inching towards the prospect of keeping what he wants first, for once.

Hana: This, in my mind, is Hana’s most powerful scene. As many adjectives as I can use to describe her in this scene would be inadequate, because it’s that good, that layered, that rich with nuance and detail. But I do think I can sum a bit of it up with a quote from a Book 3 Liam scene that instantly took me back to this one:

“Hana’s a tough one. She’s clearly had the kind of lessons I’m giving you now, and then some. Her posture is almost always polite and attentive…but when she feels strongly about something, you can sense her real feelings even before she speaks up. Her eyes grow darker and more serious.”

Compare the scenes from last chapter where she speaks about ice-skating, or even waltzing, to this one. In both those scenes, her expression is mostly neutral (or joyful when she is imparting her knowledge), speaking of it in a way that makes you understand that her heart isn’t truly in doing those things. But in this one, she is lost in her music when she plays it, she is feeling its melody in her bones, she speaks of guarding her most precious skill fiercely against her parents’ control because it’s the one thing she wants for herself. She is fierce and passionate and absolutely beautiful in the way she expresses her love for music.

In an essay I did on exploring Hana’s character in her larger context, I spoke at length about how this scene is important because it highlights that her struggle for her own autonomy began at a very young age - she recognized her art as sacred to her and had the foresight to understand that parading it around the way her parents wanted her to, would make her love it less. This scene is amazing because Young Hana is described as pushing back in the only way she knew how, so she could keep what was hers, on her terms.

The other thing this scene explores is her childhood loneliness and lack of friends, and how music helped her in those difficult times too. At this point we now know how deep that loneliness was, and how damaging to her, but back then this scene gave a wonderful insight to Childhood Hana.

So for her to trust us with her art - with the art she fought to keep her own…that’s a tremendous leap in that relationship - whether the MC is a friend or a potential lover. Romantically, she is at the point where she is slowly…slowly getting comfortable with the MC’s touch, allowing it to linger before she pulls away from her. She’s a bit like a butterfly who doesn’t know yet if she’s ready to leave her cocoon.

Drake: The picture presented to us of Drake here is the diamond-in-the-rough, the underdog, the one who views court and palace differently from everyone around him. He is there to remind us that this is not the charmed place we think it is, that even friends can stick knives in our backs. He speaks of the forced politeness of the nobility, the fact that he’s here only to protect Liam, that the MC is an innocent woman who doesn’t know what she is getting into and needs protection as well.

This scene comes with what was regarded as an important plot point at the time: who almost sold pictures of Liam’s bachelor party to the press? Drake and Bastien managed to get hold of them and prevent them from being published, knowing that having those printed before the social season would cast Liam in a more negative light, and make things harder for him. At this point, Drake is sure that someone he knows and possibly considers a friend is involved (close enough, but not quite there yet), but can’t yet figure out who (because, yknow, Olivia was the brains between the two, she cracked that mystery in under five minutes or something).

If you don’t buy this scene, you only get to know about the pictures in Book 2 Chapter 4. A lot of Drake’s scenes involve important plot points - some of which we won’t even hear the same way - or at all - if we don’t buy the scene (eg. the flashback scenes about Hana’s return and the Italian restaurant scene about Liam’s assassination). I recall buying quite a few of his scenes in the latter half of Book 1 and most of Book 2 just to find out stuff about other LIs.

The scene is pretty sweet - it highlights his now-famous whiskey obsession, has Drake openly show his protectiveness towards her minus the jaded sarcastic veneer, and has him warn her about the nature of this court. It has a line that I quite liked when I first saw the scene, but that fandom has pretty much ruined for me - “the moments in between”. Where he speaks of how the nobility are so busy schmoozing and being superficial that they miss the really important parts. It’s a beautiful thought, but the fact is I’m still paying like 17 diamonds to get it, which makes it a…pretty expensive moment.

But overall…it’s a nice scene. The look and feel of it is different from the other two, and so is the purpose.

• The focus of all these three scenes is clearly trust.

Liam completely trusts her opinion of him and confesses openly his desire to let go of all that is holding him back, even though he is still confused and conflicted about his own feelings.

Hana trusts her so much, that she will share piano pieces that she lovingly composed to the MC, even though she never performs for people. It is a measure of how much Hana values the MC that she will share such a secret part of herself with her.

Drake, who once came this close to calling the MC a crown chaser, now views the same woman as an innocent who doesn’t know what she is getting into. He will later tell her that that aspect of her journey reminds him of Savannah. He trusts the MC enough to give her important information about something he still views as a possible plot targeted at Liam, and tells her their moments mean something to him.

Chapter 8 of the second book took this theme forward for the initial three LIs, by showing us trust in other forms. Liam’s firm belief in his father’s dedication to his nation (which will crumble soon). Drake’s being convinced by the MC to stay on and hear out his sister, to give her a chance to explain what really happened to her, and his emotional reunion with her. Hana’s scene…was more about gaining someone’s trust - particularly Penelope’s. (it is also one of the worst scenes the series has ever given an LI, whoever wrote that one can fall on a cactus).

We are approaching a midpoint in the story, so at this point the narrative is progressing each of these relationships towards the point where they trust this woman, view her as a valuable person in their lives, and inch ever-so-slightly towards that eventual realization that they are in love with her.

•

Another point in the Tariq shoe tally!! I wonder if this ‘ghost’ deals with 'future misdeeds’ as well…

• We spend a few more days in Lythikos before we move back to the Capitol for the Royal Regatta, and both Esther and Persy are like “YOU HAD A FEW DAYS TO ASK IF I KNEW WHAT A FUCKING REGATTA WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MAXWELL”.

• So…a lot happens this chapter. The MC begins to rope in (or not) her first allies in the court, she has a strong foothold by now and is beginning to get noticed as more than just a random contender who wouldn’t last, she gains the trust of the people she is growing close to.

But most of all…Lythikos is where Olivia begins to lose the hold she once had on the court, and this is never more apparent than if you are losing supporters rather than gaining them (if you are more popular, it won’t be that apparent, since you will move far ahead of the competition). There will be times when the press may not pay attention to her, there will be ladies who club the MC and Olivia both together as “not a proper fit for becoming a queen”. She is still very much a frontrunner, she may win the Regatta if you fail all the steps to the boat race, but after this it will be harder for her to gain support whether or not the MC succeeds.

Shortly after this point, Olivia also doesn’t antagonize the MC as blatantly as she did in Lythikos, save for a snide remark to the MC (with a life jacket of all things) if you choose to go to her yacht in the next chapter. She will eventually begin to thaw towards you in Applewood.

• Constantine and Regina are conspicuous by their absence this chapter, and Constantine announces that he is stepping down the next. Which probably means he found out sometime between the Masque and this event that he was ill (since we don’t see him at the Derby). I’m headcanoning that they visited Leo around this time (optionally with the RoE MC, since the housewarming party in Newlyweds seems to happen sometime around the social season (it could be earlier or later too…but humour me 😂)

• So…Regatta in Chapter 9! Lots of sun, fun and (Persephone-willing) PLENTY of mess.

• Before I sign of, here is Persy’s Share of Mess this chapter (except for the bloodcurdling scream she gives when Olivia kisses Liam, I forgot to screenshot that 🙈 How on earth did Maxwell’s poor ears survive??):

• Until next week, folks!

–

• Tally Counts:

Number of Times Drake has Called Esther/Persy by Their First Names: 5

Number of Times Tariq Has Mentioned His Shoes: 3

Number of Times Drake Has Taken An Alcoholic Drink that’s Not Whiskey: 1

Number of Times Someone Has Called A Reigning Monarch 'Your Highness’: 2

Number of Times You Can Leave Hana Shook. SHOOK I TELLS YA: 4

Number of Times We See Penelope’s Angryface: 2

–

#long post #the royal romance #trr quick thoughts #trr qts #hana lee #trr kiara #king liam #olivia nevrakis #drake walker #i stan for kiki #this was honestly one of my fave chapters to write for

[scotsmanandsassenach]

MURTAGH MADE ME DO IT CHALLENGE: MARCH 2018

Have you ever wanted to try something new? Have you ever wished that you had the skills to create something even remotely close to the amazing things that come across your dash? Have you ever needed just a little encouragement to attempt something that you have only ever dreamed about doing?

Now is the time! We’ve got it all planned. We even have someone to blame it all on when things get out of hand (or perhaps fail dismally… but let’s try to think positive). Compared to last month’s #28DaysofOutlander, this challenge is a little more low key, a little more personal and fingers crossed a little more satisfying. Absolutely anyone can participate - it’s doesn’t matter your level of knowledge or skills. In fact, that’s the whole point! This month’s challenge goes as follows:

March 1-7: But… is it even possible?

Take the time to think of something that you have always wanted to achieve. Write it down. Blog about it. Do some research and gather information on how to achieve your goal. Here are some examples: Learn how to use Photoshop Learn to create gifs Create a fan video Sew an Outlander-inspired costume Create a piece of fan art (such as a digital edit, a painting, a drawing) Write a detailed and in-depth analysis Write Outlander related or inspired poetry Write a piece of fan fiction… the options are endless!

March 8-14: Get on wi’ it, before I die of old age.

You’ve not only decided what you are going to attempt and declared it out in the open on your blog, you’ve also done some research on how to go about it. So, in the words of Murtagh… Get on wi’ it, before we die of old age. Just give it a go. You can use the quote above as this week’s prompt or create something else to your liking. Post it and/or blog about your experience. Blame it on Murtagh.

March 15-21: Wha… what the devil is this?

Okay. Perhaps your first attempt wasn’t quite what you imagined. The solution is simple: give it another go. You can use the quote above as this week’s prompt or create something else to your liking. Post it and/or blog about your experience. Blame it on Murtagh.

March 22-31: It pains me to admit so, but…

You can do this. Whatever it is that you committed to achieving this month we know you can do it. This is the last week of March and it’s time to post and/or blog about your final attempt. You can use the quote above as this week’s prompt or create something else to your liking. We would love to know the following: did you achieve what you set out to? Was it easier or harder than you expected? What advice would you give to anyone who was wanting to follow in your footsteps? Most importantly… we want to see you blame it on Murtagh.

It is up to you whether you want to blog daily, weekly, every time you think, attempt or try something new, or simply at the beginning and the end of the month. Just make sure to tag your posts with #Murtagh Made Me Do It. That’s it! Good luck and we can’t wait to see what you decide to focus on this month. We’ll be here cheering you on and available to help at any time!

#outlander #challenge #murtagh made me do it #murtaghmademedoit

[ontarioyoga]

How To Practice Mindfulness Meditation

New Post has been published on https://www.ontarioyoga.net/how-to-practice-mindfulness-meditation/

How To Practice Mindfulness Meditation

Dont Be Too Hard On Yourself When Your Mind Wanders Off During Practice Gently Bring Your Attention Back To The Present

Everyone’s mind is going to wander now and then while they are practicing mindfulness meditation. It is ok to recognize your passing thought and let it go. Once it is gone, take some deep breaths and reset your focus to be in your mindfulness practice.

This is just one mindfulness blueprint. As I said before, there are countless ways to practice mindfulness. For instance, you can add a bit of meditation, which we’ll cover next.

Putting It All Together: The Methods I Use To Practice Mindfulness In Everyday Life

Untill now I’ve basically repeated the same simple message in multiple ways: try to be mindful in every moment. Because of the hard-to-grasp nature of spiritual teachings, I hoped that by sourcing different teachers and examples there would be a higher likelihood that the information would connect with you.

But as is often the case with spiritual advice, we may think that by accumulating more of it, we will progress further. But insight is actually not something that is accumulated from the outside world. Wisdom comes from the seeing, with awakened knowing, of mind, impermanence, suffering, self.

If we take the advice in this article seriously, we could potentially attain enlightenment, or at the very least experience life-changing benefits. But, unfortunately, most of us will not, mainly because we confuse information with insight. If, after reading this article, you switch to the next spirituality blog post or book to accumulate more information on spirituality, you are missing the point of the Buddha’s teaching.

The lesson is simple: “Whether walking, standing, or sitting; whether resting or awake; whether talking or silent, he or she acts with full attention.” You need nothing other than an internal commitment and discipline to practice this teaching, and that also includes the discipline to stick with the same thing — the practice of paying attention and waking up from distraction in an endless series of beginnings — over and over again for the rest of your life.

How To Practice Mindfulness Of Breathing: The Salt And Pepper Of Daily Life

Student of the Dalai Lama and renowned meditation practitioner B. Alan Wallace, Ph.D., wrote in his masterpiece :

Cognitive imbalances of both types can be remedied by applying to daily life the attention skills we cultivate during meditation. In fact, if we casually let our minds succumb to excitation and laxity throughout the day, there’s little change that our formal training during…is going to have much effect. This would be like eating a wholesome breakfast, then snacking on junk food for the rest of the day.

However busy we may be, or think we are, no one is paying us enough to have demands on our minds every single moment of the day. Even in the midst of work, we can take off fifteen-seconds here and sixty-seconds there to balance the attention by quietly focusing on the breath. Our eyes can be open, and we can sit quietly for a few moments, without calling attention to ourselves. We can do this in the workplace, while standing in line at the grocery store, or while waiting at a stoplight. There are many brief occasions from the time we get up in the morning until we fall asleep at night when we can “season our day” with a sprinkling of mindfulness of breathing. And each time we do it, we may immediately feel the soothing effect on our bodies and minds. In this way, we can begin to integrate the quality of awareness that we cultivate during meditation with the awareness that we bring to our activities in the world throughout the day.

Mindfulness Enhances The Ability To Deal With And Recover From Illness

When you think of mindfulness or meditation, you probably think of a quiet, private time of peace. On the other hand, when you think of hospitals or doctors’ offices, you probably think about the anxiety, pain, and chaos going on around you. So, how can mindfulness have a place in health care?

The eCALM trial is a therapy program for cancer patients. It found that mindfulness can reduce the physical symptoms of stress, decrease one’s emotional reactivity to negative experiences, and facilitate post-traumatic growth while enhancing energy and relieving fatigue.

Additionally, found that mindfulness meditation has also been found to decrease anxiety and foster post-traumatic mental and emotional growth in breast cancer survivors, as well as increasing energy and spirituality.

Mindfulness Helps Lower The Incidence Of Burnout And Turnover At Work

Early reports of job burnout came to light in the 1970s and were mostly focused on people who were working in health care or human services. While there is a growing body of research on job burnout, there is no widely agreed-upon definition. However, job burnout is essentially one’s inability to properly respond to chronic occupational stress, with the experience of emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a low rate of personal achievement.

Job burnout can manifest as depression, aggression, decreased commitment, decreased cognitive performance, and decreased motivation. This phenomenon has been associated with an increased risk of physical and mental health problems such as increased blood pressure, heart disease, anxiety, and depression.

found that there is an inverse relationship between mindfulness and job turnover intention, suggesting that employees who are trained in mindfulness are less likely to leave their jobs for any reason.

So those are the 20 benefits of mindfulness. Did any stand out as positives that you want to experience?

Now let’s move on to the history of mindfulness, and then we’ll dive into how to practice mindfulness throughout the day.

Mindfulness Slows Down The Progression Of Neurodegenerative Diseases

Researchers have found that positive brain changes that are associated with mindfulness meditation may work to slow the progression of age-related cognitive disorders, such as Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

Patients suffering from Alzheimer’s who participated in the study showed a lower rate of cognitive decline after the eight-week mindfulness-based stress reduction program than a control group who did not participate in the program.

Dont Think About The Past Dont Plan The Future Dont Look At The Time

You know you can’t change the past. So why can’t you let it go? Stop thinking about things that have already happened. Additionally, the future is not here yet, so there is no need to focus too intently on that either. The future will come to you soon enough. Focus instead on the present moment without worrying about what time it is, or when you have to be somewhere next. Don’t worry about how much time you allow to pass before getting up.

There Are Plenty Of Ways To Practice Mindfulness Here Are 13 Of Them

Mindfulness can be tricky at first. Our minds are used to wandering, and we will often be tempted to fix on a thought or a feeling, judge it as good or bad, or work hard to analyse or change it. Sometimes this will be useful, but we also need to be able to sit with our experience and be fully in the moment, without being dragged away by thoughts or feelings that might do damage if they hold on for too long. The truth is, the only place we can fully be is here and now. Of course, it is important to plan for the future or reflect on the past, but it’s about balance.

If you haven’t practised mindfulness before, try to replace any judgement you might have about whether or not you’re doing it properly, with acknowledgement that you are doing the very best you can in the moment. What’s important is that you are doing it. The rest will come with practice. The more you practice mindfulness, the easier it will become to stay present and focus your attention on where you want it, rather than on wherever your mind might take you.

Remember also that mindfulness is dose-related. The more you do it, the more you will benefit from it. The most important thing is to start, and to work towards a regular practice of at least twenty minutes each day. If twenty minutes is difficult to find, and sometimes it can be, try for two ten minute sessions. Here are some different ways to practice mindfulness:

Mindful eating.

Learning To Stay In The Present Moment Will Be A Lifelong Intention

Are you ready to try the practice of mindfulness for yourself? It’s easier to begin than you think.

For starters, remember that everyone has the capacity to change, learn, and grow — no matter what your goals are. Whether you start tomorrow, next week, or right now, the only thing potentially holding you back is yourself and the limitations you create. 

Also remember, that if you start a mindfulness practice and you don’t feel anything right away, that’s normal. Mindfulness practice is not like taking a pill. It’s not black and white, and you won’t suddenly become a brand-new person when you start to live more in the present. Instead, you must be patient, trust the process, and keep returning to the practice. Over time, you’ll begin to see small changes at first,  then bigger and bigger ones in your life as a whole. The good news is that these changes will only be positive. There are no downsides to mindfulness practice.

In addition,  there’s no mindfulness. It’s not something like graduating from college or buying a house. You can’t finish or win mindfulness. However, you can give away mindful gifts to those you feel need some mindfulness in their life. 

Wherever you go, there you are? Jon Kabat-Zinn

Fun Mindfulness Interventions Techniques And Worksheets For Adults

There are several ways to engage in mindfulness on an individual level, including worksheets, techniques, and different exercises.

If the idea of participating in group mindfulness exercises is anxiety-provoking or stressful for yourself or your clients, then diving into mindfulness practice alone can be the best way to proceed.

Here are six exercises that can help to build mindfulness in different ways.

Integrating Mindfulness Into Daily Life: Its Easier Than You Think

If you are interested in integrating mindfulness into your everyday life and becoming more mindful in every aspect of your life, the good news is that it’s easier than you think!

In fact, you can teach yourself to be mindful all day, every day if you like. Mindfulness is the practice in Buddhist teaching — essentially everything is mindfulness. The simple goal is to focus on the task at hand with mindful awareness. No matter the task, you stay fully aware and focused. Your attention is entirely on whatever you are doing — whether it’s folding laundry, cooking, playing with your children, working on a report for school, or just taking a walk.

Items you can introduce into your daily life to improve mindfulness includes:

Wijdverbreide Fouten Gemaakt In Een Meditatie Zijn Van Toepassing

Wilt u weten wat de grootste fout is die u samen met uw meditatie maakt? Het is zoals je bent over het. Het zijn ongetwijfeld je overtuigingen rond meditatie die misschien de beste manier zijn, niet de toepassing zelf.

Neem aan dat je het verkeerd doet?

Je gaat ervan uit dat je het niet kunt.

Je gaat ervan uit dat het jaren van solliciteren kost om enig voordeel van bewuste meditatie te krijgen, of aan de andere kant, je mediteerde zodra je het zat bent en je ziet de voordelen nog niet. Je gaat ervan uit dat een winstgevende meditatie betekent dat je geen ideeën hebt. Je gaat ervan uit dat het alleen voor yogi’s, etherische feeënmensen en historische filosofen is. Je gaat ervan uit dat je niet genoeg tijd hebt.

Dit is wat ik je graag wil laten weten:

Ten eerste jij doe het verkeerd omdat er eigenlijk niemand is nadering. In werkelijkheid, zoals we eerder hebben besproken, zijn er een hele reeks meditatieoefeningen en -strategieën. Het gaat erom te ontdekken wat voor jou werkt.

Je hoeft niet elke ochtend een half uur te mediteren. U kunt beginnen met 5 minuten en uw aanpak opwerken. In werkelijkheid kun je beginnen met 5 bewuste ademhalingen. Daar beoefende je gewoon bewuste bemiddeling! Zien? Je bent in staat om het te doen.

Je zult waarschijnlijk een groot aantal ideeën hebben terwijl je mediteert, en dat betekent niet dat je het verkeerd doet.

Is er een One-Measurement-Suits-All-strategie?

Mindfulness Techniques For Depression Anger Addiction And Anxiety

Mindfulness has been a crux of therapy for patients with borderline personality disorder, and it also has applications for people without a diagnosis of mental illness.

People anywhere on the mental health spectrum can benefit from mindfulness techniques. It helps regulate emotions and can be a helpful resource for management and .

How Long And How Often Should You Practice Mindfulness Meditation

You can practice mindfulness meditation for as long or as often as you like. However, 15 minutes a day, a few times per week, is a good start for a beginner. Then you can work your way up to an hour each time, which is when you can reap the most benefits, says Britt Gustafson, a mindful life coach who teaches mindfulness meditation through .

You can practice mindfulness meditation at any point in the day, but it might be helpful to do it at the same time each day to build a routine. For example, Gustafson says she likes to practice every morning before she gets out of bed. 

“You’re kind of checking in with yourself and getting yourself aligned. I feel personally that that sets the tone of your day,” Gustafson says. 

Some people like to meditate in the evening, in the transition between work and home, Dingle says. You can also reach for mindfulness meditation when you need it, such as before an important event, or when something goes wrong and you want to ground yourself, she says. 

Frequently Asked Questions About Mindfulness Meditation Answered

When you’re new to meditation, it’s natural for questions to pop up often. These answers may ease your mind.

1) If I have an itch, can I scratch it? Yes—however, first try scratching it with your mind before using your fingers.

2) Should I breathe fast or slow or in between? Only worry if you’ve stopped breathing. Otherwise, you’re doing fine. Breath in whatever way feels comfortable to you.

3) Should my eyes be open or closed? No hard-and-fast rules. Try both. If open, not too wide, and with a soft, slightly downward gaze, not focusing on anything in particular. If closed, not too hard, and not imagining anything in particular in your mind’s eye.

4) Is it possible I’m someone who just CANNOT meditate? When you find yourself asking that question, your meditation has officially begun. Everyone wonders that. Notice it. Escort your attention back to your object of focus . When you’re lost and questioning again, come back to the breathe again. That’s the practice. There’s no limit to the number of times you can be distracted and come back to the breath. Meditating is not a race to perfection—It’s returning again and again to the breath.

5) Is it better to practice in a group or by myself? Both are great! It’s enormously supportive to meditate with others. And, practicing on your own builds discipline.

7) What if I get sexually . Repeat.

How To Practice Mindfulness In The Age Of Distraction: The Five

1) Timed reminders

Mindfulness reminders that are set up ahead of time on digital devices.

Phone alarms

According to B. Alan Wallace, seasoning the day with a few mindful breaths and body scans will go a long way to strengthening our flow of undistracted non-meditation. When I first read Wallace’s advice I tried it out, but would often forget to follow it. The paradox of practicing mindfulness is that we have to be mindful in the first place to practice it: the moment we realize we are distracted, we are not distracted.

I got around this dilemma by setting up mindfulness alarms on my phone. I downloaded an app called and set 20 alarms, 35 minutes apart.

I set the text to the following instruction:

Whenever I received this timed reminder on my phone, I would open the Calm app and do 1-2 minutes of breath meditation. You can experiment with different apps and use different meditation intervals and lengths. The most important thing is that you take the reminders seriously and follow them no matter where you are or what you’re doing. If you happen to be caught up with something quite engaging, you can at the very least take three deep breaths.

Pomodoro technique

2) Location-based reminders

Mindfulness reminders that are triggered by cues in your environment.

Here you want to link certain locations or landmarks with the act of waking up and paying attention. For example, every time you come to a red stop light while driving, you can take three conscious breaths .

Whats Different About Buddhist Mindfulness Meditation Anything

The basis of mindfulness meditation, “Buddhist” or not, is non-judgmental awareness of what we are experiencing in the moment. Sitting and following the breath to keep the mind focused and aware is a very well-known mindfulness method.

What sets  mindfulness meditation apart is the importance of motivation and the development of insight or vipassana meditation. Buddhist motivation focuses on liberation from suffering and confusion, and the attainment of freedom. Buddhists generally take a moment before beginning their practice to recall their motivation and express their confidence in the sanity of their journey. After their session has ended, they reiterate their motivation and confidence. In their opening and closing prayers, many Buddhists give voice to their wish that meditation will give them tools to be better able to help others. For Buddhists, the qualities of compassion and discernment are very important and are usually included in these prayers, such as the Four Immeasurables or boundless thoughts. Naturally, you don’t have to be a Buddhist to appreciate the importance of these qualities.

Pay Attention To Your Thoughts Words Actions And Motivations

When you are thinking, saying, or doing something, what is the reason behind it? Are you telling someone a story to benefit them in some way, or is it just benefiting you or your ego? Think about the motivations behind everything you do before you do it to see if it is really necessary. Make sure that you are always coming from a good place when you choose to speak or act in any way.

Mindfulness Improves Memory Concentration And Performance

Paying attention and concentrating on the task at hand may be one of the most important cognitive abilities people have. Mindfulness is one of a very few methods that works as an antidote for mind-wandering and the negative effects that losing concentration may have on you. In fact, research on students has shown that there is a connection between mindfulness and paying attention both in and out of the classroom.

Studies have shown that meditating on a regular basis causes the brain’s cerebral cortex to thicken.

Mindfulness Meditation Reduces Implicit Age And Race Bias

has suggested that mindfulness can positively change the negative thoughts or associations that people once had. The impact of mindfulness has been studied in regards to several biases through measurements of implicit association tests. These tests found that people who listened to mindfulness meditation had an increased state of mindfulness and a decrease in their implicit biases.

How To Practice Mindfulness: 11 Practical Steps And Tips

Developing a mindfulness practice offers myriad positive benefits for the body and mind .

But sometimes, it’s easier said than done. 

It’s not easy in the beginning, and there will be bumps along the path toward a committed mindfulness practice. 

This article will guide you through various ways and resources to help introduce mindfulness in your life so that you are well prepared to start your journey.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to . These science-based comprehensive exercises will not only help you cultivate a sense of inner peace throughout your daily life, but also give you the tools to enhance the mindfulness of your clients, students, children, or employees.

You can download the free PDF .

This article contains:

References

Tip Six: Introduce A Breathing Exercise Before A Meeting

Up to this point, most of the tips have focused on the role and experiences of the employee; however, there is no reason why everyone in a team should not practice a mindfulness exercise.

There is some preliminary evidence that introducing a three-minute breathing exercise before a stand-up meeting results in better decision making, more productive meetings, better listening, good interactions, and more appropriate emotional responses .

This exercise could be completed as a group or individually before the meeting.

Cmo Practicar La Meditacin Consciente Para La Ansiedad

Final actualizado el 12 de enero de 2021

Este ha sido uno de los años vitales y molestos en el pasado histórico de moda. Aparte de los escritores de ciencia ficción y los consultores de enfermedades infecciosas, ¿quién podría haber imaginado alguna vez que podríamos enfrentarnos a una pandemia mundial en nuestra vida? El nerviosismo es ahora excesivo de todos los tiempos, y es hora de buscar algunos métodos para lidiar con él. La meditación consciente para el nerviosismo también puede ayudarlo a lidiar con todo el estrés inexplorado hacia adelante.

Sin embargo, incluso sin todo el estrés relacionado con una pandemia mundial, la meditación consciente también puede ayudarlo a afrontar con más éxito una gran cantidad de puntos habituales que contribuyen a enfatizar. Estos abarcan las relaciones familiares, los fondos privados, los problemas de salud y todos los diferentes puntos de cada día que tienden a ensuciar un espacio valioso para almacenar en nuestras mentes.

Al final, una cantidad excesiva de estrés puede resultar en nerviosismo, que se reconoce principalmente como un sentimiento intenso, extremo y crónico de miedo y preocupación por las condiciones habituales, por ejemplo, ir a trabajar o divertirse en una reunión social. evento con familiares y amigos. Los signos de tensión pueden incluir cualquier combinación de pánico, carga cardíaca rápida, respiración acelerada, sudoración y sensación de agotamiento o agotamiento.

Simple Ways To Practice Mindfulness In Our Daily Life MindfulnessPositive PsychologySelf-ConfidenceMonique Tallon

“Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment.”– Rumi

These days as we are all learning to adapt to a new normal of staying indoors, I’ve been personally finding it difficult to focus on what is going right with the world instead of what is going wrong. I find myself sometimes getting sucked into hours of scrolling through my social media feed to read the latest news or to feel more connected to friends and family. With all the unknowns of what the future holds, it’s easy to get stuck in negative feedback loops which ultimately breed stress in the body. And right now stress is the last thing we need if we want to boost our immune systems and keep a healthy mental state.

So in this blog post, I want to talk about how to train your brain through mindfulness practices to stay focused on the positive, lower stress, and keep yourself mentally healthy during this uncertain time we’re going through. 

Dedicate Time And Space For Your Mindfulness Practice

You want the space you choose for mindfulness practice to be quiet, calm, and soothing. You will also want to pick a time during which you are unlikely to be interrupted. Create a space in your house that is peaceful and allows you to just relax while practicing mindfulness. Don’t use this space for anything aside from meditating. This way, when you sit down, your body will be notified that it is time to calm down and practice mindfulness.

Final Note: Only Practicing Mindfulness Is Not Enough

Throughout this article, I have stressed the importance of not over-valuing the time spent during meditation and under-valuing the time spent in daily life. To be clear, this does not mean that meditation should not be practiced. Meditation is an incredibly powerful tool for cultivating wisdom and tranquility, in fact one of the most powerful tools we have.

If you remember earlier, I mentioned the three components of mind training . All three are of equal importance. In my mind, I compare the three components of mind training to living a healthy lifestyle: the approach would be to cut down on damaging lifestyle factors such as smoking and drinking, the practice would be going to the gym and exercising each day, and the integration would be eating a nutritious diet. To live the longest, healthiest life we can, all three components must be taken seriously.

Andy Puddicombe writes:

“Meditation is undoubtedly a vital cornerstone to the practice of mindfulness. To practice mindfulness in everyday life without doing even ten minutes of meditation a day is a bit like trying to build the foundations of a house on loose gravel. It will work, but it will not be anywhere near as stable as if you built it on solid ground.”

What You Need To Know Before Practicing Mindfulness:

You don’t need to buy anything. You can practice anywhere, there’s no need to go out and buy a special cushion or bench—all you need is to devote a little time and space to accessing your mindfulness skills every day.

There’s no way to quiet your mind. That’s not the goal here. There’s no bliss state or otherworldly communion. All you’re trying to do is pay attention to the present moment, without judgment. Sounds easy, right?

Your mind will wander. As you practice paying attention to what’s going on in your body and mind at the present moment, you’ll find that many thoughts arise. Your mind might drift to something that happened yesterday, meander to your to-do list—your mind will try to be anywhere but where you are. But the wandering mind isn’t something to fear, it’s part of human nature and it provides the magic moment for the essential piece of mindfulness practice—the piece that researchers believe leads to healthier, more agile brains: the moment when you recognize that your mind has wandered. Because if you can notice that your mind has wandered, then you can consciously bring it back to the present moment. The more you do this, the more likely you are to be able to do it again and again. And that beats walking around on autopilot any day .

How Meditation Protects The Aging Brain From Decline

A string of recent research suggests regular meditation practice may boost mental flexibility and focus, offering powerful protection against cognitive decline.

Most of us begin to misplace our keys, forget people’s names, or solve math problems less readily as we approach middle age. This is often referred to as age-related cognitive decline. Years ago, scientists believed that this decline was inevitable, but extraordinary research in the past two decades has shown that the adult brain changes with experience and training throughout the lifespan—a phenomenon known as neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity isn’t a given. Epidemiological research finds that how a brain ages depends on a number of factors including diet, physical exercise, lifestyle choices, and education. The healthier and more active one’s lifestyle, the more likely he or she will maintain cognitive performance over time. And meditation may be a key ingredient for ensuring brain health and maintaining good mental performance. Here’s what recent suggests about how mindfulness meditation practice may help keep aging brains fit and functional.

The Effectiveness Of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy

In one study, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy-Mindfulness .

What are the “What” skills?

This first set of skills is meant to help the client learn how to:

Simply observe their experience.

Describe their experience using a verbal label.

Be fully present in the moment and in their actions without feeling self-conscious.

These skills allow the client to be aware of what is happening to them and of their part in their own experience. Becoming aware of their own thoughts and grounded in the present forms the foundation for the next set of “how” skills.

How Do the “How” Skills Work?

The “how” skills relate to the goal of teaching clients how to observe, describe, and participate in their own experience. This set of skills is intended to help clients:

Learn to have experiences in a non-evaluative and non-judgmental manner.

Focus on one thing at a time and learn to bring their attention back to the target when they go off course.

Be effective, or keep their focus on their goals regardless of their current mood .

The clients were also taken through a series of other mindfulness interventions including mindful breathing, the body scan, and other simple awareness practices.

Individuals in this study who received DBTM training, in addition to the usual treatment, had enhanced benefits compared to the group who received only the usual psychiatric treatment: the more minutes an individual spent practicing mindfulness, the greater the improvements in psychiatric symptoms .

Practices For Improving Emotional And Physical Well

It’s a busy world. You fold the laundry while keeping one eye on the kids and another on the television. You plan your day while listening to the radio and commuting to work, and then plan your weekend. But in the rush to accomplish necessary tasks, you may find yourself losing your connection with the present moment—missing out on what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Did you notice whether you felt well-rested this morning or that forsythia is in bloom along your route to work?

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and accepting it without judgment. Mindfulness is now being examined scientifically and has been found to be a key element in stress reduction and overall happiness.

Mindfulness Activities For Groups And Group Therapy

Group therapy that incorporates mindfulness has shown some promising results. It is as effective as cognitive-behavioral therapy .

There is also evidence that group mindfulness meditation therapy is as effective as individual CBT . In a global climate with few clinical psychologists in relation to the need for them, and in a time when individual therapy time is limited and expensive, the proven efficacy of group-based therapy is great news.

Even if you do not feel a need to visit a therapist, there are mindfulness-focused groups that share and deepen meditation practice . Here are four exercises from such groups.

Mindfulness Helps Students Achieve Academic Success

Everyone knows that, in addition to academic success, people want our youth to be happy and physically well. All of these goals are connected, and we now realize the role that social and emotional well-being has in achieving academic success. Learning how to focus one’s attention on productive tasks, become more self-aware, stay motivated to keep going when work becomes difficult, and deal with the frustrations of learning and communicating with peers are vital skills that depend on a student’s ability to comprehend and manage their emotions.

Researchers have found that college students who learned the craft of mindfulness were able to perform better on the verbal reasoning section of the GRE, and experienced improvements in their working memory. While the emphasis on academic achievement is typically what is highlighted in debates on school reform, important movements are being made by people who take a more complete and holistic approach to education.

The Buddha And The Four Foundations Of Mindfulness

The Buddha — Siddhartha Gautama — called mindfulness “the path to enlightenment.” In order to spread the word of enlightenment, he asked that his senior monks teach a doctrine called The Four Foundations of Mindfulness. When the bhikkhus asked the Buddha which four foundations they were to teach, the Buddha responded4:

Dwell contemplating the body in the body, ardent, clearly comprehending, unified, with concentrated one-pointed mind, in order to know the body as it really is.

Dwell contemplating feeling in feelings … in order to know feelings as they really are.

Dwell contemplating mind in mind … in order to know mind as it really is.

Dwell contemplating dhamma* in dhammas … in order to know dhammas as they really are.

*By , the Buddha is referring to phenomena, or the total of one’s experience, including all mental events that arise within us from moment to moment.

Each of the Four Foundations of Mindfulness is generally to be seen as a of learning to be completely mindful in each and every moment. That is, the first stage is to focus on being mindful of the body. This is often done by simply focusing one’s attention on the breath. From there, the rest of the body is considered, including all sensations. 

Notice Sights Sounds And Smells Without Judgement

Do you have a specific taste in your mouth or scent in your nose?  Where is the smell coming from? What do you hear? Is it the sound of a truck passing by? The wind wafting through tree branches? Are you talking to someone? Listen to what they are saying, but also think about the timbre of their voice. Look at their face, and notice their skin, the softness of their hair, and how their lips move when they speak. Notice each of these sensations without judgment.

Using The Body And Breath To Get Out Of Your Head

We often practice mindfulness in stillness. Here, Cara Bradley shares how mindful movement and breath awareness can help us shift away from stress.

Mental Health

Welcome to the first article in a new series from Cara Bradley where she will explore how we can use our breath and body to cultivate “mental fitness,” clarity, and calm. 

Do you ever feel like a brain on a stick? You know that sensation of being stuck in your head, disconnected from what is happening below the neck? It’s not a comfortable or productive way to live, yet, it’s all too common. In this new series, we are going to take a journey below the neck and explore how paying attention to our body state can help us change our mental state. By refining our awareness of inner body signals, we’ll become more skilled at adjusting how we feel emotionally and mentally—sometimes in a matter of minutes. 

Over the course of this series, we will cover body-based practices and protocols to: 

1. Make quick mental-state shifts for when we need an on-the-spot solution.

2. Train our body and mind to feel stronger, calmer, and clearer for longer. 

We’ll do this with  tools and practices for well-being that I call Mini-Wins and Cross-Training. This will help us get mentally fit. 

How To Meditate: Simple Meditation For Beginners

This meditation exercise is an excellent introduction to meditation techniques.

Sit or lie comfortably. You may even want to invest in a meditation chair or .

Close your eyes. We recommend using one of our Cooling Eye Masks or Restorative Eye Pillows if lying down. 

Make no effort to control the breath; simply breathe naturally.

Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. Notice the movement of your body as you breathe. Observe your chest, shoulders, rib cage, and belly. Simply focus your attention on your breath without controlling its pace or intensity. If your mind wanders, return your focus back to your breath.

Maintain this meditation practice for two to three minutes to start, and then try it for longer periods. 

After you have found an effective way to meditate, browse Gaiam’s Meditation Shop for all the necessary products to help perfect your meditation techniques. 

Mindfulness Reduces Rumination And Overthinking

One of the most common symptoms that comes along with anxiety is rumination or overthinking. After you begin to worry about something, your brain will hold onto that tightly and make it difficult to let go. It is easy to get into a thought loop where you continue to replay each and every bad outcome imaginable. We all know this is not useful because worrying about something does not prevent it from happening.

actually showed that people who were new to mindfulness and began to practice it during a retreat were able to show fewer signs of rumination and anxiety than the control group.

More Ways To Be More Mindful In Your Daily Life

1. Learn to watch your mind wander.

Most people see their mind wandering as a bad thing. Daydreamers are considered foolish and unsuccessful. But the truth is that minds do wander, and it’s okay to let them. The key is to rein in your thoughts and teach your mind to notice when it wanders, before returning to the present moment. It’s a freeing experience.

2. Learn to be boring.

People often make the mistake of assuming that their lives need to be eternally and consistently exciting. This feeling is exacerbated by social media, in which we see all of our friends, family members, celebrities, and random other people enjoying exciting activities seemingly every day. FOMO or the fear of missing out is a phrase that refers to the sensation that if you’re not hang gliding, windsurfing, jetting off to Europe, or getting married, you’re not really living life.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. By learning to be boring, you are not accepting a boring lifestyle. You are not telling yourself not to enjoy a fulfilling life. Rather, you are seeing excitement and thrill in the brilliant moments of life. This is a wonderful way to exist.

3. Slow down.

This is a great reminder to write on Post-it notes and keep at your desk, on your refrigerator, or on your bathroom mirror. The two simple words, , help us to remember to take life one moment at a time. Everyone’s life is a journey. You cannot life. Simply take it moment by moment and learn to enjoy the ride.

Ways To Practice Mindfulness Without Meditating

Phrases like “this month flew by” or “where is the time going?” are becoming all too common these days, and they are absolutely linked to the lack of time we take to slow down and be mindful. Mindfulness is essentially the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment, without judgment. A simple definition for a simple practice; but don’t get the wrong idea, regular mindfulness practice can have some serious positive effects such as improved concentration, energy and sleep as well as increased overall life satisfaction and reduced anxiety.

Mindfulness is most commonly practiced through some form of meditation such as breathing focused activities, focusing on a mantra or guided imagery. However, mindfulness can also be practiced in a more casual way and yield the same benefits. Below are 8 ways to practice mindfulness without meditating.

1. Mindful walking- Mindful walking is an opportunity to focus on the present moment-your feet on the ground, the wind on your face, or the sounds you are hearing- without any judgment. When your mind wanders, simply notice that your mind has wandered and gently return your attention back to your walk.

2. Mindfulness in the shower- Being in the shower provides a strong opportunity to connect with your senses. Try focusing your attention on the smell of your shampoo, the lather of your body wash, or the temperature of the water. Connecting with our senses is a wonderful way to practice being mindful.

How To Practice Buddhist Mindfulness Meditation

To practice mindfulness meditation with a Buddhist slant, begin your session by taking a moment to recall why you’re meditating. What is your motivation? Think about what your goal is and how meditation can help you reach it. Connect with your compassionate, caring heart. Then sit in a posture that supports your practice and settle your mind on the rhythm and feel of your breath.

As you practice, your mind will be distracted by all sorts of ideas – what’s been done, what needs doing, and how you feel about all that. Great! Notice these thoughts and how they vie for your attention, then gently but firmly bring your mind back to the breath.

When you start meditating it often seems like you’re having more thoughts than ever. Don’t panic, and don’t try to stop these wandering thoughts. Just acknowledge their presence and let them come and go without pursuing them further. The goal is to become aware of whatever arises in the mind – whether “desirable” or not. Thoughts are always there, we’re just usually too busy to notice. Thanks to mindfulness, we learn that there’s a powerful alternative to distractedness: awareness. To develop awareness, we train in being present, a few minutes at a time.

Mindworks Team

We’re so sure you’ll benefit we now offer you Mindworks Journey Level 1: Meditation Fundamentals course for Free. Click the link below to learn more.

Notice Thoughts And Emotions Without Judgement

See your thoughts and emotions come and go without judging them. Remember that the goal of mindfulness is not to avoid thinking or feeling anything. You are not trying to cultivate an empty mind or complete clarity here. Your mind will wander, and you should expect that. Simply notice when it does, and tell yourself that it’s happening.

For example, if you find yourself ruminating about yesterday’s meeting with a client, you might say silently to yourself, “thinking about meeting” or “worrying about meeting.” Or, if you all of a sudden, become sad when you remember a fond memory, you might say silently to yourself, “feeling sad about X memory.” If you feel excited about a date you have in the evening, tell yourself, “feeling excited about tonight’s date.” After each of these nonjudgmental statements, return your focus to the breath and the current moment.

A Simple Mindfulness Practice For The Beginner

1. Do only one thing at a time.

2. Be deliberate and slow with your actions.

Don’t rush to get everything folded quickly. This activity is all that you’re doing right now, and it deserves your full attention. Take care with each motion and action. Line up the corners on the towels nicely. Organize your folding into neat stacks of like kinds of towels. Pick off lint and put it into a pile.

3. Enjoy the experience.

Take pleasure in what you’re doing. Are the towels warm and cozy from recently being in the dryer? Feel the warm fibers on your fingertips.  Hold them against your cheek. Smell the fresh scent of your laundry detergent. Enjoy stacking all of the towels in a neat and organized pile, all ready for your linen closet.

4. When your mind wanders , simply notice it without judgment, and bring it back to the task at hand.

You will inevitably begin to think about what you’re going to do later that evening, how you should probably buy new towels because they are getting old, or what you’d rather be doing other than folding towels. That’s okay! The goal here is, once again, to simply notice your mind wandering, tell yourself where your mind is wandering to , and bring your focus back to the current moment and what you’re doing: folding laundry.

Mindfulness Is Important How Do We Develop It

Find a mindfulness-based therapist

Cultivating mindfulness is the key to overcoming suffering and recognizing natural : both our own and others’. How do we go about it?

In the Buddhist tradition and in Contemplative Psychotherapy training, we nurture mindfulness through the practice of sitting meditation. There are many different kinds of meditation. For example, some are designed to help us relax; others are meant to produce altered states of consciousness.

Mindfulness meditation is unique in that it is not directed toward getting us to be different from how we already are. Instead, it helps us become aware of what is already true moment by moment. We could say that it teaches us how to be unconditionally present; that is, it helps us be present with whatever is happening, no matter what it is.

You may wonder what good that is. After all, don’t we want to suffer less? Aren’t we interested in tuning in to this natural wisdom, this brilliant sanity, that we’ve heard about? Aren’t those changes from how we already are?

Well, yes and no. On the one hand, suffering less and being more aware of our inherent wakefulness would be changes from how we experience ourselves right now, or at least most of the time. On the other hand, though, the way to uncover brilliant sanity and to alleviate suffering is by going more deeply into the present moment and into ourselves as we already are, not by trying to change what is already going on.

Reasons To Start Practicing Mindfulness Today

At this point, you might think that mindfulness sounds like it requires a lot of effort.

Beginning a mindfulness habit is work, and it will be difficult in the beginning, but this habit will become easier over time and with more practice.

Additionally, mindfulness has numerous positive benefits . The benefits of mindfulness are emotional, cognitive, interpersonal, professional, and practical.

Final Thoughts On How To Practice Mindfulness

If you are new to mindfulness, then try doing it for just five minutes a day until you get the hang of it.

It can help improve your life by reducing stress and negative thoughts, increasing energy and awareness and teaching you how to let go of fleeting negative thoughts.

As a practice that has been around for thousands of years, mindfulness has been very helpful for many people looking to make improvements in their lives.

All you have to do is make the commitment to pick one of the exercises mentioned in the post, read over the simple steps for how to practice mindfulness and then schedule time daily to make it happen.

Next, if you’d like to learn more about mindfulness and meditation, then we have a wide selection of resources on this page. Specifically, here a number of blog posts that you might find interesting:

Common Mistakes Made In A Meditation Practice

Want to know the biggest mistake you’re making with your meditation practice? It’s how you’re about it. It’s likely your beliefs around meditation that are getting in the way, not the practice itself.

Think You’re Doing it Wrong?

You think you can’t do it.

You think it takes years of practice to receive any benefits from mindful meditation, or on the flip side, you meditated once and are frustrated you don’t see the benefits already. You think a successful meditation means you’re not having any thoughts. You think it’s just for yogis, airy fairy folks, and ancient philosophers. You think you don’t have enough time.

Here’s what I want you to know:

First and foremost, you do it wrong because there’s really no one way. In fact, as we mentioned earlier, there are hundreds of meditation practices and techniques. It’s about finding what works for you.

You don’t have to meditate every morning for 30 minutes. You can start with and work your way up. In fact, you could start with five mindful breaths. There, you just practiced mindful mediation! See? You can do it.

You will most likely have a multitude of thoughts while you’re meditating, and that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

You don’t have to dress up in flowy clothes, burn incense, and chant ‘OM’ if you don’t want to. But feel free to if that’s what you connect with. You can mediate at your desk, in your car — not while driving please — or on your hike.

Repeat after me: Advertising

Is There a One-Size-Fits-All Approach?

How Do I Practice Mindfulness And Meditation

Mindfulness is available to us in every moment, whether through meditations and body scans, or mindful moment practices like taking time to pause and breathe when the phone rings instead of rushing to answer it.

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Mindfulness Helps With Emotional Reactivity

Of all the reasons that people usually have for learning meditation, being less emotionally reactive is typically high on the list. Being mindful or “Zen” equates to rolling with the punches in life and being non-reactive to things that might come your way.

And there’s definitely something to this. Mindfulness meditation has allowed study participants to distance their emotions from upsetting pictures and focus more on a cognitive task, as compared with a control group.

Paso 2: Establecer Una Restriccin De Tiempo

Podrá comenzar trabajando hacia la meditación consciente durante unos 5 minutos al día, simplemente para acostumbrarse a la sensación. Más que sin duda le tomará muchas instancias para entrar en el comportamiento de la meditación. Recomiendo configurar un temporizador para que no tenga que considerar mirar el reloj.

Utilice una notificación blanda que pueda hacer el trabajo sin interrumpir su serenidad, similar a una campana blanda. Luego, esfuérzate por meditar el mismo período de tiempo todos los días. Podrá mejorar la duración de la meditación cuando se acostumbre a ella.

Tips To Practice Mindfulness In Daily Life

As you practice mindfulness meditation, it helps to find ways to bring mindfulness into your everyday life—especially on those days when life is too busy to carve out a minute alone. Mindfulness meditation is one technique, but everyday activities and tasks provide plenty of opportunities for mindfulness practice.

Brushing your teeth: Feel your feet on the floor, the brush in your hand, and your arm moving up and down.

Doing dishes: Savor the feeling of the warm water on your hands, the look of the bubbles, and the sounds of the pans clunking on the bottom of the sink.

Doing laundry: Pay attention to the smell of the clean clothes and the feel of the fabric. Add a focus element and count your breaths as you fold laundry.

: Turn off the radio—or put on something soothing, like classical music. Imagine your spine growing tall, find the half-way point between relaxing your hands and gripping the wheel too tightly. Whenever you notice your mind wandering, bring your attention back to where you and your car are in space.

Exercising: Instead of watching television while on the treadmill, try focusing on your breathing and where your feet are as you move.

Getting kids ready for bed: Get down to the same level as your kids, look in their eyes, listen more than you talk, and savor any snuggles. When you relax, they will too.

Mindfulness Meditation And Other Practices

Mindfulness can be cultivated through mindfulness meditation, a systematic method of focusing your attention. You can learn to meditate on your own, following instructions in books or on tape. However, you may benefit from the support of an instructor or group to answer questions and help you stay motivated. Look for someone using meditation in a way compatible with your beliefs and goals.

If you have a medical condition, you may prefer a medically oriented program that incorporates meditation. Ask your physician or hospital about local groups. Insurance companies increasingly cover the cost of meditation instruction.

Cultivating Mindfulness In Our Daily Lives

Since breaking our addiction to technology is a much bigger task , we need to build practices in our daily lives to bring ourselves back to what really matters. Although nothing beats a good mindfulness meditation it can sometimes be difficult to squeeze in a 20-30 minute meditation in our busy lives. Instead, we can build micro-practices throughout the day to focus our attention.

Introducing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy that is mainly used to treat individuals with borderline personality disorders.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is characterized by the following steps:

The first priority for DBT treatment is to target the life-threatening behaviors that often manifest in people with severe mental health problems;

Second, therapists aim to eliminate the behaviors that interfere with therapy, such as refusal to strive for the goals of DBT, missing sessions, etc.;

Next, DBT therapists aim to correct the behaviors that interfere with the client’s quality of life, including non-productive relationship behaviors, communication problems, and bad financial decision-making.

Mindfulness is a core skill taught in DBT, as it helps clients gain awareness of their own thoughts and feelings .

Mindfulness Bell Exercise For Five Minutes

In this exercise, you begin by closing your eyes and listening for the cue. When you hear it, your aim is to focus your attention on the sound and continue your concentration until it fades completely. This exercise helps you to keep yourself firmly grounded in the present. You can use the audio below:

Mindfulness Promotes Cognitive Flexibility

One suggests that not only will mindfulness help people become less reactive, it also may give people more cognitive flexibility. People who practice mindfulness appear to be able to also practice self-observation, which automatically disengages the pathways created in the brain from prior learning, and allows information that is happening in the present moment to be understood in a new way.

Meditation also activates the part of the brain that is associated with adaptive responses to stress, which corresponds to a faster recovery to a baseline train of thought after being negatively impacted.

Mindfulness Reduces Feelings Of Loneliness

Being lonely is more than living in a silent house or having a lack of companionship. With time, loneliness can take a toll on the psyche and have a serious impact on one’s physical health as well.

Feelings of loneliness have been linked to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, Alzheimer’s disease, anxiety, depression, and even a shortened lifespan. This means that it is important to develop effective treatments for those who are living in isolation.

looked at 40 adults and found that meditating for half an hour each day for eight weeks reduced their feelings of loneliness.

What Are Other Ways To Develop Mindfulness

You don’t need to do sitting meditation, there are practices for developing mindfulness in any body posture, such as standing or lying-down. Some people find the body scan meditation a useful way to cultivate embodied attention.

Sometimes you might find moving meditation particularly helpful for settling an active mind. Notice the sensations in your body as you walk—in your legs and feet, arms, chest, and head. As you notice these sensations of walking, you may find it easier to drop the tendency to worry, plan, or ruminate on something that just happened.

Notice Bodily Sensations Without Judgement

Notice how your body feels at the current moment. At what points is your body touching the ground or the chair you’re sitting in? Be aware of the sensation of the material you are sitting or standing on. How do your toes feel in your socks? How do your shoulders feel? Can you notice a rumble in your stomach? Feel the expansion of your abdomen as your lungs inhale. Notice each of these sensations without judgment.

How Meditation Encourages Neuroplasticity

To maintain mental acuity, it’s important to keep what researchers call your neural reserve in good working order. This “reserve” refers to your brain’s mental efficiency, capacity, or flexibility. Emerging evidence suggests that the consistent mental training that occurs in mindfulness meditation may help to keep that “reserve” intact. For example, one review of the evidence linked regular meditation with positive improvements in brain function such as heightened attention, awareness, working memory, and greater mental efficiency.

Studies are showing that daily meditation impacts both brain “states” and brain “networks.” Brain state training involves activating large-scale networks within the brain that affect a broad range of emotional and mental processes. A clever example of this can be found in a recent study published by a group of researchers at UCLA, who reported that experienced meditators have higher concentrations of tissue in brain regions most depleted by aging, suggesting that meditation practice may help to minimize brain age and protect against age-related decline.

Brain network training, on the other hand, is more focal in that it improves specific cognitive abilities by repeatedly activating a network associated with one function, like paying attention. This is equivalent to repetitive mental bicep curls. Both state and network training are believed to be important ingredients for keeping the brain sharp.

Ways To Combine Mindfulness And Gratitude

Mindfulness and gratitude are two tools that work well together. Mindfulness encourages us to focus on the present in a nonjudgmental way, and gratitude encourages us to appreciate things that bring us joy. To foster a habit of experiencing gratitude, we first need to perceive what we are grateful for. To do this, we need to make the time.

One way to combine mindfulness and gratitude is through gratitude journaling. Every day, spend a short period writing down a list of things you are grateful for. This list can include material things, people, thoughts, experiences, or anything else that you can think of.

When writing down the list, spend extra time explaining why you are grateful for that experience and how it made you feel. Do not go overboard – a short sentence will do – but aim to deepen your experience of how you perceived this event.

Another option is to incorporate active gratitude into your mindfulness exercises. For example, mindfulness can help us to perceive negative experiences in a nonjudgmental way.

We can take this experience one step further by incorporating a gratitude element. In a way, we are finding a silver lining in that experience. The intention is not to downplay your feelings of a negative experience; instead where possible, find opportunities for gratitude.

Negative experience

The Three Minute Breathing Space

Mindfulness Meditation for Kids | Breathing Exercise | Guided Meditation for Children

Breath Meditation for Kids | Mindfulness for Kids

Mindful Walking Down The Street Technique

One core process that can be influenced by mindfulness practice is our ability to observe our thoughts, emotions, and sensations without reacting to fix them, hide them, or solve them. This awareness creates room for choice between impulses, and action which can help develop coping skills and positive behavioral change.

In the first step of this intervention, the facilitator helps the client visualize a scenario in which they are walking down a familiar street when they look up and see someone they know on the other side of the street. They wave, however, the other person doesn’t respond and continues to walk right past.

In the second step, the facilitator prompts reflection from the client by asking a series of questions:

1. As you were imagining, did you notice any of your thoughts?2. As you were imagining, did you notice any of your emotions?

In the third and final step, the facilitator asks the client to reflect on the series of emotions and thoughts that came up, how this affects their behavior, whether the exercise was helpful, and for any final comments.

Mindfulness Creates Happier Relationships

Researchers are still unsure this works, but emerging brain studies have shown that people who engage in mindfulness on a regular basis show both structural and functional changes in the brain regions that are linked to enhanced empathy, compassion, and kindness.

Another benefit of mindfulness is in its effects on the amygdala, which is the brain’s emotional processing center. Mindfulness is linked to reductions in both the volume of the amygdala and its connection to the prefrontal cortex. This suggests that mindfulness might support emotion regulation and decrease reactivity, which are two important tools for creating and maintaining relationships.

[80s-jester]

[Image ID: A cassette tape labeled “Intro - 80′s Jester [Take 3]”.]

Hi! Er, again! I’d like to first preface this with the fact that yes, I was previously @roses-and-comedy; I completely changed my layout to fit present me more. So if you’re already following me--hello again! I have seen various notifications for you guys, despite falling off the face of the earth, so thank you! Now, for a proper introduction...take 3! 

[Some of it will be under the cut because it ended up being longer than I expected]

--About

You can call me Rome, Roman, Emcee, or simply Jester. I used to use “Roman Lee as a pseudonym on this site [which is a completely fake name, despite how much it sounds like a real full name], but I am no longer going by that. I may still use it for professional stuff, though, who knows? 

My preferred pronouns will be in my bio/status/thing [?? I never know what to call it djslkjds], but you can use any pronouns for me! Yes, yes, “preferred” pronouns are mandatory for anyone, trans or cis, but I am transmasculine genderfluid--most of the time, my preferred pronouns are just the ones I want to hear and be referred to. Also side note: any neopronouns count in the ‘any pronouns’ label--I’d love to hear random neos! You can find my pronoun/label page here ! [Yes, I have a lot of labels aha]

I am a minor [16 years old], and will not interact with NSFW content. I am fine with being followed by adults and will interact with SFW content produced by y’all, but please do not privately message me if you are above the age of 18! However, if you are younger than 18, I am calling you mentally to interact >:] 

I am also gay orientated acearo, if you wanted to know that. I can explain that later if anyone asks! 

--Blog Things [the short version]

I don’t really have any specific genres other than comedy [and sometimes horror/tragedy; I don’t have many plans yet], so take these other things/tropes I like!

--found family over anything else, always --queer cast!! --aromantic experiences, both in QPRs and being single --Unreliable narrators, 4th wall breaking characters, and omniscient narrators for solely comedic reasons have my entire heart --Screwing with POV; I love finding new ways to tell stories!! --I want to find every single story trope I find cool and use them all <3 --I sometimes write really poetic prose, I sometimes write really stupid things; duality of man

--About, Pt. II

I have always been drawn to the creative nature of things, but writing is my first and strongest passion. Novels, poetry, short stories, podcasts, fanfiction, tv shows, movies--I have tackled them all! I have been writing for as long as I can remember, but only taught myself screenwriting about half a year ago. I still have much to learn about, well, everything to do with writing, but lurking around the writeblr community has taught me enough to jump back in. 

I also have been interested in the cinema world for as long as I can remember, but only started to research it about six months ago. I want to study to become a foley artist, film director, or a cameraperson--anything film-related, actually. I’m also very interested in photography, so I’ll share some photos here as well! 

I also do have a lot of fandom interests, too! A lot of it has to do with the MCU since I’ve begun to hyperfixate on it, but there may be others I’ll write for/talk about! 

This is also sort of my personal blog, despite being a side one--my main is @romeshifting, but it’s pretty much dead at this point and I’m not using it anytime soon. However, I will be following from there because I can’t switch this one to a main and don’t want to make a new account. 

But if you want to get to know me more, my inbox is always open! My messages are open too [for those 18 or younger] >:]

--Blog Things

So, you may be wondering what happened, considering this is my third writeblr intro. You also may be wondering especially what has changed, considering how I’m now themed very differently. 

I had a particular WIP [the WIP that must not be named] that I was very interested in. However, it brought constant stress and guilt over it being what I actually wanted to write. While I still love the idea, it wasn’t something I actually wanted to put out there, so it dragged me down and made me unmotivated. So I deleted any posts regarding it [as well as any posts that I just didn’t like], as you do. 

I don’t currently have any WIPs I’m working on. However, I bring you a character living in my head that needs to pay rent--Pastel McCallian! [She/Her + Ey/Em pronouns]

What I am going to do with her remains a mystery, but look at her!! I will sum her up by saying she is the purest person ever. You could spill soup in eir lap and ey would apologize! /ref

--Blog Things, Pt. II

Writer habits [among other things]! --I write using Fade In or Google Docs [sometimes even in Discord if I’m feeling tired/unproductive] --I adore putting in details and foreshadowing; I just want to know that I put thought into things I write --I am a pantser, but will plan characters and the world first --I firmly believe in Comic Sans supremacy [look I can’t write in anything else anymore] --I also use this piece of writing advice--it has seriously improved my writing! I also use the egg theory [can’t find the exact post, but it has to do with writing around details instead of just outright stating them] and the advice that none of my characters can state the whole truth.  --I also write fanfiction sometimes, but I doubt that’ll make its way to this blog--my A03 is pretty empty rn fdsjlkjds

--Final Things and Random Thoughts

I will be redoing my navigation/pinned post, as well as my ‘about the author’ page and wip page [once I get some WIPs kjfdslkjds], so watch out for that! I’ll also send out a few posts for tag game interactions and other things >:] 

I use tone tags, as well! If you need to know what those are, here is a carrd about them ! I also don’t use parenthesis outside of writing--favoring to use brackets instead--so there’s that. I have a lot of energy and adore talking to people as well! 

And I think that’s about it--I can’t wait to [re]-meet the writeblr community! I do hope this time it sticks because I really want to get myself out there again fdsjklkjfds

Anyways, writeblrs please interact so I can catch up on all of your amazing WIPs!!

[I’ll tag some of the amazing writeblrs who inspired me to restart this account: you all are so cool, please continue doing what you do!]

@writeblrfantasy @stardustspiral @writingamongther0ses @ashen-crest @chayscribbles @screnwriter [and so much more!!]

And a special thank you to @hannahs-kudos​, for all their encouragement! Your taglists were one of the main reasons I jumped back into writing again--I never really interacted with your posts, but I read through each one. Thank you so much.

<3, Rome

#the jester speaks #<--- speaking tag #writeblr #writeblr intro #writing #writing community #writeblr community #teen writers #long post #sorry it's a bit incoherent #I promise I'll explain it better in seperate intro posts! #I also need to figure out my wips but #this is just an excuse for me to get back into this kjfdslkjfds #third times the charm right <3

[cannabisrefugee-esq]

The last day of my life was sometime in February, 2013 the day before I was first diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, a progressive and incurable automimmune disease that targets the digestive tract.  As many people with Crohn’s probably know, and as none of us is allowed to think or say out loud, your life is essentially over once you get a Crohn’s diagnosis.  If not from the disease itself then from the treatments.

The disease itself is absolutely horrific and I saw it in my doctor’s eyes when she first broke the news and many times thereafter.  The first doctor in the practice to meet with me, right after diagnosing me said, “You need to get insurance immediately, if not sooner.”  I naively asked if that was because most Crohn’s patients needed surgery; she said no.  I didn’t understand what she meant but I was at the very beginning of my Crohn’s journey and just made a note of it.  I could tell that something was seriously wrong and about to get worse.  I mean, obviously.  If surgery and even repeated surgeries isn’t the worst thing in my future as a Crohn’s patient then what is?  I was already queasy from the Crohn’s related nausea but what she was saying, and not saying, unsettled me.

The second doctor in the practice to meet with me said, “You are an attorney, you are educated, intelligent and have research skills.  You should research this disease and all the treatments available to you.”  I didn’t know what he meant. After meeting with him for several follow-up appointments, when we had developed what I felt was a mutual professional respect, I considered telling him I would be at Starbucks later that evening if there was something he needed to tell me away from the office and away from prying eyes.  What did he mean and why couldn’t he just tell me about all the available treatments himself?  At the time, the research I had done indicated that the conventional treatments for Crohn’s don’t work much; that Crohn’s patients have an extremely low quality of life; and the best “alternative” treatment available was a so-called elemental diet, an enteric feed called Vivonex, a sickly looking yellow fluid that’s meant to be taken through a feeding tube but you can drink it straight if you can stomach it.  I bought several months’ worth at about a thousand dollars a month and tried my best.  It didn’t work.  And despite also taking the prescribed treatments including Pentasa, Entocort and Prednisone, I was getting steadily worse.

I was reading online Crohn’s forums and reading about patients who had been living with Crohn’s disease for decades, as well as the recently diagnosed, and the absolute hell they had been going through with medications, procedures and repeated surgeries that did nothing but make them feel worse in the end.  No pun intended.  Some people found success with different treatments only to find their effectiveness short-lived.  Normally I would concede that those patients who were satisfied with their treatments and with their quality of life would be out living their lives and not commiserating on an online forum, and therefore I would take the published accounts with a grain of salt.  But in this case I noticed a pattern: many of the patients writing on the forums had been getting some relief from their treatments for a time but the treatments eventually failed.  What I was reading were both the treatment failures and the treatment successes in that sense.  Where are the Crohn’s patients who respond well to the treatments forever and don’t feel traumatized, stigmatized, disabled, or have other reasons to publicly talk about it?  I have no idea.  I have never met one.  I understand that they are probably out there somewhere but the truth is, even they won’t know what group they themselves fall into until they die.  Just because they are getting relief from their symptoms right now means nothing.

Eventually, I fell down the rabbit hole of researching medical cannabis for various conditions, including Crohn’s.  Is this what my second doctor had been referring to when he told me to research what was out there?  Cannabis was still illegal in my home state, not to mention outside the “official” accepted standard of care for Crohn’s, so that could’ve easily been what he meant and he just couldn’t legally say it. After reading and viewing hundreds of blog posts, medical journal articles, and YouTube videos on cannabis and Crohn’s, I suspected it was.  I had been treating with prescription medications for 2 years and was feeling my health, energy and life slipping away.  I was getting worse and at a terrifying pace.  I had no idea what was in store for me and I had no idea it was even possible to be that sick — I had always assumed that there was some threshold of pain and suffering, some Agony Index at the pinnacle of which you would simply die.  Essentially, I had always assumed that something this relentlessly painful would be fatal.  I started to panic as I understood that it just might be possible to be this sick, or even sicker, indefinitely, and that at some point I would probably lose my mind from the pain.  What happened next seems a blur.

My Pentasa wasn’t working anymore and the next course of action was to get on an infusion treatment that basically gives you AIDS: it destroys your immune system.  You get all the opportunistic infections of an AIDS patient including thrush, pneumonia, and even cancer as so-called side-effects of the medication. Meanwhile, Crohn’s itself is not curable and is progressive, meaning that it never goes away and only gets worse.  So then, looking down that road, you have Crohn’s, AIDS, and cancer to contend with and all that comes with each condition including more treatment, more side-effects and more opportunities for medical accidents, treatment failures and complications up to and including death.  I suspect that actor Shannen Doherty took this treatment for her well-known case of Crohn’s and that the Crohn’s medication caused her cancer in the end.  I suspect the same thing happened to my fitness trainer who had an autoimmune disease and ended up with cancer too.  I began to see my own future.  And I was so desperate to have even a temporary respite from the agony of Crohn’s I was going to take the medication anyway.  I was tested for tuberculosis — a precondition to having your immune system decimated because any active infection at that point can kill you — and I was going to start the infusion treatments as soon as possible.  Everything up to this point had been either free samples of medication or self-pay and I was prepared to pay additional thousands of dollars if it meant I would find some relief — the infusions alone were to be something like $4,000 each, to be repeated every 8 weeks.

In the meantime, I had taken the first doctor’s advice and applied for health insurance.  Because I had not worked as an attorney for about 4 years by then and had started a small business that was compatible with my new and worsening disability I applied as an uninsured person through Obamacare which placed me on Medicaid due to my small income.   The first thing Medicaid did was deny the Crohn’s medicine I was already on (Pentasa, which didn’t work much anyway if at all) and then my doctors fired me because they didn’t take Medicaid.  Without a doctor, any plans for the infusions were put on indefinite hold.  At that point, because I had practiced benefits and anti-poverty law for years, I knew where I was headed: in and out of the hospital and fighting with Medicaid to approve maddeningly ineffective medicines and treatments and brutal, gravely dangerous ones, all of whose known side effects could be just as bad as if not worse than the disease itself, and where even a favorable resolution to the Medicaid issue would easily take months if not years to achieve.  All the while suffering with the hellish, unrelenting agony of un- and undertreated Crohn’s.  I knew what I had to do.

I packed one suitcase and made a reservation at a vacation rental property in a cannabis-friendly state where I had planned to stay for 2 months and treat with medical cannabis.  I had hoped that I would get better and go home but it’s now been 3 years and I am still here.  I have gotten significant pain relief and improvement in my Crohn’s symptoms which I consider a hard-won and unlikely personal success.   Nothing can diminish that and I am immensely grateful to have gotten some relief.  But now I have spent my life savings, liquidated my assets, and maxed out and destroyed my credit, and although I have worked on my small business as best I could, almost everything is gone. I will soon be facing homelessness as a chronically ill cannabis refugee.  Because I have refused Western medical treatments for my illness I am not eligible for disability-based benefits.  My attempt to “help myself” financially by starting a small business has complicated my finances such that I am not eligible for any need-based benefits at all, or anytime soon.

Not knowing what else to do, and wishing to document my experiences, I have started this blog.  It is intended to be a very short-term project where I will record my insights and what I have learned from my relatively new station as a chronically ill person in the context of Western patriarchal and capitalist medicine, and my resistance to it.  I hope to absolutely excoriate Western medicine’s treatment of Crohn’s and other serious illness; to rail against the disability- and income-based benefits structure where so many sick, injured and otherwise vulnerable people fall through the cracks; to describe my treatment successes and failures, including my treatment with medical marijuana (also known as medical cannabis, medical pot, or MMJ); to describe the crushing disappointment and sorrow I have experienced through family and friends’ failure or willful refusal to really “get” what Crohn’s is all about, what Crohn’s patients go through and how disabling Crohn’s can be; and hopefully to find a solution to the untenable situation in which I currently find myself.  At the very least, I will find some comfort knowing that I have spoken the truth aloud about my experience as a Crohn’s patient disaffected with Western patriarchal and capitalist medicine; as a cannabis refugee; and as an attorney who in the end, may be unable to help even myself successfully navigate the social, legal and financial hardships of a serious chronic illness.

To all Crohn’s patients — and all those seriously ill and disabled — who may find themselves reading here, I offer my empathy for you and your condition, my understanding of your plight, and my sincerest hope that you will find some comfort somewhere, whether through successful traditional or alternative treatment, miraculous or spontaneous remission, or simply by reading these words and the words of other truth-tellers online and off.  To Crohn’s patients specifically, I have received tremendous comfort and knowledge from reading your testimonies on online support forums and your truth-telling has soothed my soul and enriched my mind.  I hope to return the favor by recording my truths here, especially those that are taboo, contrary, uncomfortable, and rarely addressed.  Please feel free to comment here or contact me using the contact form at the top of the page.  I can’t promise I will respond, but know that I will read your words, and that I feel you.  I really, really feel you.

#crohn's #chronicillness #autoimmunedisease #medical marijuana #pentasa #diability #auto immune disease #chronically ill #weed #vivonex #peak capitalism

[rpgmgames]

July’s Featured Game: Black Crystals

DEVELOPER(S): Yoraee ENGINE: RPGMaker MV GENRE: Fantasy, RPG WARNINGS: Alcohol Reference, Drug Reference, Use of Alcohol, Use of Drugs, Use of Tobacco, Mild Blood, Fantasy Violence, Sexual Themes SUMMARY: Starsio, a street performer, finds himself in the stickiest of situations. Starsio was kidnapped off the streets of his home town and brought to the brothel Paprika where he is forced to become a performer. One rainy night, Starsio gathers his courage and wits and plans an escape. He convinces Arthur, an apprehensive and fidgety new found friend, to accompany him. Starsio sets his escape plan in motion with one last song…

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! My name is Hind, but online I go by Yoraee (fans of Breath of Fire may recognize my handle).

I used to make parodies of anime openings and endings featuring the Ninja Turtles (If you REALLY want to you can look them up on youtube by searching for Yoraee!)

I am a HUGE fan of Ninja Turtles, Inazuma Eleven, Cyborg 009, Hetalia, and Ace Attorney! My favorite video games are Saga Frontier, Tales of Destiny, and the Suikoden series.

I joined the RPG Maker gamedev community about two years ago when I started working on Black Crystals. I LOVE it here! :D

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Yoraee: Black Crystals at its core is about Home. Whether it be finding home, returning home, or creating home. Black Crystals features a large ensemble of characters, each with their own story and struggle, all of which revolve around this central theme.

How long have you been working on your project? *Yoraee: About two years now.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Yoraee: Yes! The jigsaw chain coop system and the spontaneous leaning system featured in Black Crystals' combat system are based on similar mechanics in the PS1 game Saga Frontier. Of course I added my personal touches to these system to make them less of direct copies. The Interact and Talk system is inspired by Undertale in the sense that a battle can be concluded without the need for combat. In Black Crystals, however, you are able to interact with the environment and alter it, so you can actually see the results of your choices in battle and how they change subsequent choices.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Yoraee: Definitely! The main two challenges for me are time and motivation.

Since I work full time, the only times I can work on Black Crystals are after work or during weekends or holidays, which limits my productivity greatly. I took some leave from work at certain points and basically locked myself in my house and worked on the game's systems, but aside from that work on Black Crystals has taken place during my little free time.

Motivation, well, comes and goes for me. Some days I'm all like "YEAH! THIS GAME IS AWESOME!!" and other days I'm like "what am I doing why am I wasting my time on this". In order to keep myself motivated, I made a habit of posting weekly on my devlog. By posting weekly, I get more regularized feedback, which gives me a good motivational boost to get me through the week till the next update.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? Yoraee: The systems design didn't change much. I had an outline of the features I wanted in Black Crystals; the interaction system, the state of mind system, the coop and leaning system. What came next was implementing these features and refining them.

The characters underwent changes in the way they are written. Arthur and Starsio's personalities sort of switched midway through writing, and the current way they are written seemed more cohesive to the story line.

Several other NPCs also underwent changes. I had a Paprika worker, Anita, for example, who played the role of both herself and Patricia. Later I split the roles and ended up with two characters; Anita and Patricia.

Finally, the whole cats thing was non existent two years ago. They sort of materialized into the game a few months ago :3

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Yoraee: Aside from music, which I commissioned, and the plugins, which are contributed by the amazing coders in the community, I'm a one-woman team taking care of all aspects of the game.

I prefer to work alone, simply because my processes are horrible and my pace is very erratic. I think I would drive potential team members mad XD

What is the best part of developing the game? *Yoraee: Seeing how everything clicks and fits together in the end :) The end product to me is always worth it.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Yoraee: I love playing other RPG Maker games. I think you can't help but think and analyse how things are done in a game while playing it if you are a dev yourself. I think its adds to the fun of the experience for me.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Yoraee: My favorite character hasn't shown up yet :( Its a secret for now!

I like Arthur's character in the current story. He reminds me of a younger me, too easily influenced by others and too scared of saying no. While writing the story I feel like grabbing him and giving him a good shake and yelling "Just say NO you passive fool!" XD

Bonus Info: The game has six main characters! :D

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Yoraee: Yes, the animations. I spent so much time making skills detailed and fluid. I think I kind of lost track of the bigger picture. My animation process is much more improved now, with a more streamlines approach to animations.

Also putting animations together in the Animation tool in RPG Maker MV. I used to manually set up each frame next to the next frame, and it took AGES for animations that comprised 6+ frames. Later it clicked that I could set a template and record the x and y positions and then just move everything around in one chunk to save me TONS of time. I need to make a tutorial on that some time because its such a time saver!

Once you finish your project, do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Yoraee: Black Crystals is episodic. The current game is Episode 1. As episodes progress more will become known about the game's universe and characters.

What do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Yoraee: Players reaction and feedback first and foremost, because to me that will be detrimental to whether or not I continue the series.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Yoraee: Just the capability of the RPG Maker engine. I'm worried about the game lagging or dropping frames when played, given the graphics size. Lag to me kills the experience so I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't happen in Black Crystals.

Also I'm kind of nervous about how people will receive the battle system ~_~

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Yoraee: Learn from the community. Its amazing the amount of resources and knowledge we have in the RPG Maker community. Don't be shy to ask for help if you need it. From my experience the community is one of the best there is.

Question from last month's featured dev @maimiestoybox: What has been the most rewarding part of your game dev journey so far? *Yoraee: Just sharing tidbits of the game and getting feedback from the community. It does wonders to my self esteem :)

Also the feeling of self accomplishment when you see the bits and pieces you created come together and your project take shape. Best feeling!

We mods would like to thank Yoraee for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Black Crystals if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

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