#i understand the disconnect there especially with how things are worded

[thebirthofvenusfly]

hi i was raised in a home daycare for over 20 years and studied child development and psychology in school for 3 and would like to gush about why i love how bonnie was written and how they're one of the few kids in games i've played that Actually Feel Like a Kid:

firstly: bonnie's diction

bonnie cursing like a sailor is honestly pretty accurate for a kid aged like 9-14 and i distinctly remember having a huge cursing phase of my own at that age too so LMAO

they ask a lot of questions adjacent to a kids' understanding/confusion of things, social norms, situations, feelings, etc. (the conversation about the actors kissing in that play they saw and how they MUST have had an invisible paper between their lips because nobody would REALLY kiss on stage in front of everybody!)

they can be incredibly blunt but often not with the intention to hurt feelings rather than genuinely acquire information (sometimes with some sass b/c of previous conditioning.) ex. "Our teacher always tells us we have to speak up more... You're an adult so why don't you speak up more?" (Precedent/Conditioning; "Adult in position of power and authority has ingrained it is important to use my voice." -> "Why don't you, an adult who should know better, use yours more then?")

they have a tendency to confidently and casually use words and phrases they don't fully understand or know ("Air-no-no-nomic" -> this especially being something picked up by a fellow kid and just trusted that) (struggling to say, "pomegranate" (very cute watching odile help them with it :,) ) (struggling to say onigiri -> purposely messing this up to get a playful reaction out of dile, a party member they're especially close to, was also very sweet)

it's hard to discuss feelings. they're more likely to use a vessel as a means of connecting to someone else before being able to assign words to everything (offering a peach to siffrin in the classroom because they recognize he's upset without fully understanding why, then waiting for him to address the situation)

secondly: how bonnie handles feelings towards the others and about their Scenario

tendency to hold onto hard, serious, difficult-to-breach subjects and then explode and scream when addressed (ex. Rotten Adults quest)

slightly more partial to physical touch than verbal affirmation (hugs, hugs, hugs! including the little half-hugs they do where they just run into siffrin's side...)

jabbing siffrin in the stomach as a show of example for touching them LMAO???

recounting stories and information that interests them without regard for how socially appropriate it is or why others may react poorly (ex. talking to the party about how nille ran away with them and why she did)

unspoken guilt and trauma causing disconnection from people they love (siffrin's eye situation)

just a few examples and thoughts i liked

#im not an education major but i would be if i didnt love art #all of my psychology and child development studies are purely elective/voluntary #kids are too wonderful man #too funny #too adorable #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #isat #in stars and time #bonnie #bonnie isat #isat bonnie

[redysetdare]

I keep seeing other Aros say things like "Having a crush sounds like an anxiety attack" and while I get the misunderstanding I need y'all to realize that it's literally just the vagueness of the wording that's making you think this.

Crushes often get described as causing a "racing heart" you know what also is described that way? someone being excited. Someone being overjoyed. and yes, someone feeling anxious.

And the thing is, it's not wrong to assume anxiety because yes - Crushes can cause a bit of anxiety but the reason for the anxiety is different. Someone may be anxious around a crush because they want their crush to like them and don't want to embarrass themselves. It's just the generic anxiety of wanting to be likable to people but instead just being geared towards a specific person.

There's also the fact that a crush, like anxiety, does trigger adrenaline. but so do many things, such as going on a roller coaster. People enjoy roller coasters just fine because of the adrenaline rush and everyone agrees that going on roller coasters aren't anxiety attacks.

Basically what I'm trying to get at here is "this sounds like an anxiety attack" shows a misunderstanding of symptoms and in some cases is willfully ignorant as it shows that you don't wish to learn beyond your own understanding. And this misunderstanding is due to how vague the wording used to describe crushes usually is. It's using words and symptoms that depending on the context can mean different things.

TL;DR Crushes are no more like "anxiety attacks" then getting an adrenaline rush on a roller coaster. It's okay to not understand something but maybe don't call what you don't understand an "anxiety attack"

#text #aro #aromantic #aroace #also i believe this is also a fundamental misuse of 'anxiety attack' as there is so much more to anxiety attacks than what a crush describe #but i digress #i say this as an aroace person who used to feel similar but then when i thought on it more i realized it was just the vague wording #also the roller coaster analogy i think works really well #i dont like roller coasters but i cant understand why people would #also dont take this as me saying 'you guys are all doing this purposefully' cause im not #i understand the disconnect there especially with how things are worded #im just trying to say dont jump to the assumption of it beng like one thing #when literally just discussing it more and getting context can make it so much easier to understand #apologies if this is all over the place im a bit out of it lmao #i just had a thought process and my ADHD brain wouldn't let it go until i shared

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

transcript: my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

this written for instagram because of this post. but thought tumblr may like it too. “you” means general you, no one specific.

the instagram post and this on wordpress

this disclaimer is for instagram but also for anyone new to this discussion:

in full honestly, don’t know how to write this. am tired, language and complex ideas too much at time of writing, and general exhaust at having to argue same thing over and over again and justify own existence. tired of being minority within minority, wish there are others to do these work for me so i don’t have to do it all by self, singlehandedly advocate for everyone (not to mention problem with that—i can’t speak for everyone).

so honestly, if you don’t have anything nice to say, especially if you speaking (yes, even if you lose speech. include you), just don't say anything at all. move on.

online actually autistic community (AAut) dominated by white, lower support needs. level 1, speaking, late diagnosed, high masking autistics. find people like you is great, what not great is you treat your very narrow community as “voice of all autistic” and your experience as ultimate autistic experience. i write plenty about that, many more elaborate than this, if you not familiar with this concept.

many people in this community experience times when cannot speak, sometimes because overwhelm, shutdown, dissociate, or anxiety (situational mutism), but do not struggle with act of speaking rest of time (some struggle with speech all the time but still can speak - more on that later). the community call “going nonverbal/nonspeaking,” or even “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking” (not talking about those nonverbal as child and verbal now older), after clinical term “nonverbal” (nonverbal autism) and term coined by apraxic nonspeaking autistics “nonspeaking.”

both of which talk about it as an “all the time” experience.

when i search nonverbal or nonspeaking because i want community too, want see people like me too, two category i see: 1) parents of nonverbal nonspeaking children, whom can’t relate to because age, who can’t write own experience because their age and developmental ability. and 2) overwhelming amount of speaking autistic talk about going nonverbal going nonspeaking.

and the very very few fully nonverbal nonspeaking voices. drowned out. cannot find anyone.

nonverbal used to be term to describe us, people who can’t speak or cannot functionally speak beyond few words. medical term, alright, so some of us don’t like. so some of us reject that and create term all of our own, called nonspeaking. created by nonspeaking autistics with severe apraxia and brain body disconnect, describe their own experience of able to think in words able to spell out words (with great dedication and work and support), just cannot do that with mouth. their term. they create.

and you take it? without knowing context? without reading anything by those same nonspeaking coiners?

when is last time you purposely seek out nonverbal nonspeaking voices? when is last time you accidentally came across us? can you name any nonverbal nonspeaking advocate that talk about their experiences? one? two? three? a BIPOC person, a (specifically) Black person? a Black woman? a trans person? a physically disabled person? a person not from western world?

same narrative over and over. “i can speak for nonverbal autistic i understand their experience because i am autistic i can’t talk sometimes” no you cannot. as someone who was able to speak when young who lose speech (”go nonverbal”) but now have no speech to lose because full time nonverbal. no the experience not the same. not comparable. you gain it back. i don’t. you can explain with mouth words what happen when you get out. i can’t, i only have AAC. countless nonverbal nonspeaking people without AAC or sign cannot, at all. you never experience daily small and big struggle of casually being nonverbal all the time.

your experience of lose speech unique from my nonverbal. but if you so insist to compare and equate, you only guest to my experience, my daily life.

“when i go nonverbal and no one understand so have to force to speak” i cannot force words out. know you don’t mean to say this, and not saying you at fault for this, but nevertheless accidental perpetuate and reinforce idea that anyone who don’t speak can just be forced to speak if try hard enough. but often not how it works. and this exact harmful rhetoric devoid and delays nonverbal nonspeaking people given access to AAC, because “need try to force words out first, AAC unnatural so last resort.”

this may be new concept for you. new concept to instagram, to tiktok. to other places. it may seem i only one with this problem, “i once saw a nonspeaking person’s account and they don’t have problem.”

yeah, because we are not monolith. some nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t care. some nonverbal nonspeaking people may even welcome “go nonverbal nonspeaking” or “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking.”

but don’t be fooled into believe i only one. have many nonverbal/nonspeaking and/or higher support needs friends on tumblr, who talk about this who have been saying this for years. *years*. years before i joined. i am not creator, i only bring message here, because many of us are too high support needs too disabled to do anything else. many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because it most peaceful, because at least some listen, because least hostile, because need to defend our experience against our own community the least. (but it happens less doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, we still exhausted.) many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because that all we can handle, or because we not allowed or shouldn’t be on other social media because age or abilities or both.

i cannot handle conflict i do not do well and i shouldn’t be here. but if not me, who else? if i don’t do it, who else is going to?

some nonverbal nonspeaking people and parents of them may question, why you start debate about useless term when so many nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t even have access to communicate, real problems. to that i say i do those work too. and to that i say this is real problem too, because am autistic so online actually autistic community should also be my space too but it not. but it hostile. because am lonely because seeing yourself so crucial because don’t know anyone in person like me don’t have any friends in person like me, so i go online to find people like me and i cannot because no own term to search and what used to be term many people without similar experience insist they understand and can speak for me because they say we have similar experience. because this aloneness and the unique difficulty from being full time nonverbal and the struggle of future and the unique mistreatment from both outside but also inside community have drove me over edge many times and it is presence and knowing their presence of my tumblr nonverbal nonspeaking / higher support needs friends that gave me hope to stay. because so many people don’t listen and instead speak over. terminology only a symptom of problem. address roots, sure, but part of address roots is address symptoms.

‘well nonverbal people are never around” maybe it because you don’t make it welcome for us to join.

“fully nonverbal rare anyway” estimated 30% of us nonverbal nonspeaking, which this statistic probably only count those nonverbal since birth. even more are minimally speaking or without full functional communication, abilities limited to requests. sure, 30% still not majority. but significant amount never the less. speaking lower support needs autistic without intellectual disability not majority anyway too but your experience still deserve heard. ours too.

“see less nonverbal people because they don't have ability to communicate and use social media” yes, many nonverbal nonspeaking people not given access to communication (like AAC), forced to live in silence (because body language communication not enough alone!). silence from birth to teenage years, to adulthood, even until they die. some cannot understand social media or AAC because intellectual disability or cognitive ability. some not allowed on there because safety, some not allowed on because presumed incompetent and abused. all true. do you advocate for them too? or is it just talking point against me, pretend you care?

but not all of us, we exist. some of us thankfully supportive parents all along, parents given resources, us given resources, so we access to AAC since beginning. some of us became nonverbal later in life (which not same experience as those early in life, i acknowledge). some of us after years of forced silence, finally given access to AAC and can now communicate and advocate! some of us on social media - do you listen?

but you see none of us in your community anyway. maybe one token person.

you can go nonverbal. i cannot go verbal. see difference? you can come close to my experience, but i never will have (future) ability to go to yours.

it frustrate that have to specify am nonverbal **all the time** when write this, because if don’t do that will be assumed otherwise. frustrate that when in neurodivergent space stranger see me AAC they assume i can speak because they only know part time users (know part time users frustrate too because people assume they cannot speak and get surprised when they do. me being assumed automatic part time is not fault of part time AAC users.)

even been told am privileged to be nonverbal nonspeaking, privilege over speaking autistic who lose speech because in their mind it mean i get all support i need i get all recognition get all the representation. which. couldn’t be farther from truth.

all that. is fraction of reason i frustrate at “going nonverbal nonspeaking” and “when i was nonverbal nonspeaking.”

so many other words. lose speech. intermittent speech.

just want have own sub community where can find people similar experience.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism #nonverbal #nonspeaking #actually nonverbal #actually nonspeaking #nd #asd #loaf screm #long post

[sordidmusings]

Tender Love and Care - Massage 1/3 (Buggy x Reader)

Art by Capitanpoops!

A/N: More love for our beloved fool! This one with a dash of idiots in love and a heaping scoop of yearning. The next half of this installment is mostly done as wel,l but I needed to get this out and I think it'll be digested better in these chunks. Gotta pace yourself on the clown content (Do as I say and not as I do 💀) I trimmed it down to the necessary events and the important (read: indulgent) interactions with Buggy and she still somehow got long whoopsy

Word Count: ~4.4k

Warnings: afab!reader (no pronouns or gendered terms), brief suggestive allusions, reader is oblivious and Buggy is delusional, Buggy continues his inner married life fantasy world, you feed him tangerines and he’s kind of a freak about it 💀

<-Prev Next->

~ ~ ~ ••• ✦✦✦ ••• ~ ~ ~

You weren’t there.

Why weren’t you there? 

Buggy found himself alone in sheets, which barely held the remnants of body heat. Your body heat; the only proof you left behind of your night together. Or was he imagining it? Wishing it into existence so hard that his brain took pity on him and let him feel warmth that wasn't truly there. He turned his face further into the hammock, deeper into the bedding, seeking more pieces of you. All he was able to get was some of your elegant smell from a lukewarm pillow and it ached. It ached that he was here begging for scraps of you and all he got were vestiges of your presence.

He tried to comfort himself with the memory of your cheek on his head and your hands in his hair and your skin under his lips. That sweet, blissful second of contact only made his chest feel tighter wherever it was leagues away. It may as well have joined him, burrowed in your hammock, with how potent the sensation felt. He felt bitter that you would be so kind and then leave him as an afterthought. Was it a trick after all? Buggy found himself switching back and forth between distrusting your intentions and accepting them as genuine. It would've taken a pro for all of that to be an act, but then again he didn’t really know you. You could’ve had a history in intel gathering. Or honeypotting. On top of that, what reason could you have to treat him so tenderly? Not only was he an enemy of your crew, he was already assisting you all. Beyond even that, you were, well, you.

Buggy hadn’t had much time to watch you in Orange Town, as he had simply put you away with the other two for Cabaji to handle. Now that he was diminished to a head, though, the only thing he could do was watch. And talk. He made sure to do both in abundance, half for boredom and half to piss off your crewmates. He especially liked messing with the skittish one. 

You, however, he would mostly watch. Yeah, he couldn’t keep his big trap shut, but it was more to fill silence if he felt uncomfortable or to prod you mildly to test your reaction and learn more about you. He had learned a lot. Your interests were broad but not without depth, and they spanned so many disconnected topics that it spoke to an inherent love of learning and engaging. You liked to play back with those around you, making them feel included. You were kind; understanding and nurturing were clearly in your nature with how you’d tend to others. You always noticed and cared for the details of a person - how they embody their feelings, how they like to be cared for, pieces of their tasks that could be eased, habits that kept them from caring for themselves, any act or item that made them smile. He saw it as so diametrically opposed to the destructive path he left behind him. Why would you bother yourself with tending to him and his messes?

His thoughts made the physical distance between you two feel even greater. Buggy allowed himself the comfort of snuggling fully into your pillow and breathing deep the scent of vanilla and spice from the cushion and his wild hair. He had begun to slip back into sleep when gentle fingers brushed his hair back across his temple, pulling a small gasp from him.

“Bugs?” you whispered, checking if he was awake or needed more prompting. You caught his eye and were distracted by the way his lashes brushed your pillowcase with each blink.

“Oh so you decided to come back,” Buggy grumbled into the bedding.

“Of course I did,” you soothed. You didn’t want him to start out the day on a bad note, but you had duties to take care of around the ship. “I wanted to let you get some rest. I doubt you were able to get much in a sack or a barrel.”

Buggy took in the way you grimaced at the thought and some of the ache in his chest lessened. You helped him turn over before placing your hands on his cheeks. Finally, the warmth on his skin was fresh.

“C’mon, let’s get you some breakfast,” you chirped. Buggy didn’t care if he imagined how fond the shine in your eyes was.

~ ~ ~ ••• ✦✦✦ ••• ~ ~ ~

“You just had to poke the bear huh?” you admonished. You nudged the door to Nojiko’s hut closed with your foot and looked down at Buggy’s face in your hands. You didn’t think you’d be seeing him gagged and glaring again, especially so soon. At least this time he was more angry at the situation than being purely upset with you. Meeting his eyes with a sympathetic smile, you settled the both of you to sit on the edge of the deck. 

“Can’t say I blame you, though,” you said, pulling the tangerine out of Buggy’s mouth, placing it higher on your legs than where he rested. He chased it with some choice curses and moved his jaw around to rid himself of the stretched discomfort. You helped him by rubbing your thumbs into the muscles above the sharp angle of his jaw. With each circling motion, some of his bitterness followed the tension out of his face. “They barely let me give you anything for breakfast, no lunch, and now you can’t have dinner? I dont…” you trailed off, looking for the right words. Coming up short you sighed and finished, “I don’t like it.”

“Join the club,” Buggy spat.

Your eyes fell to your hands, which now fiddled with the tangerine. “Well, we do have a little food.”

“I guess it’s better than nothing,” he relented, and you began peeling. While he mostly just looked grumpy, there was a despondency in the glaze of his eyes and the twitch of his lip. Your heart ached for him despite the fact that you knew at least some of this was his own doing. It was definitely his own mistakes that led his path to being held captive and at the whims of others, but you were really stuck on things like the lack of food. You decided you were probably too soft for piracy with the way his head being thrown around made you wince. Maybe you’d have to find out how to be a different kind of pirate. Like Luffy. A smile began to soften your face at the comfort that idea brought you. It felt right.

Meanwhile, Buggy’s mood was sullen at best, fueled by his distant howling stomach. The pretty smile decorating your face, however, began distracting him enough to start calming down. Focusing on how beautiful you looked, wearing a tender smile in the moonlight, he began to feel distant from you. You looked natural - like you belonged right here amongst quiet air, sleeping sky, and things that grow. He was a naturally disruptive force; he belonged here as an observer, an audience member, and not a part of the scene.

Buggy was broken from his musings when you offered him a piece of tangerine. He truly did wish for something more substantial, but he couldn’t deny that at the first bite all other thoughts stopped except the pungent flavor refreshing him. On the second, he nearly took your finger off when he lunged for more.

“Easy, easy,” you soothed, “I can always pick another one.”

He didn’t apologize but he did take the next few pieces more delicately. You’d give the segments to him in two bites so that it would draw the process out and hopefully make him feel a bit more sated. The next time he bit into a piece of tangerine, the juice burst back onto your fingers. After pushing the other half into his mouth, you brought your hand up to your mouth and sucked off the juice. The refreshingly bright flavor distracted you from the way Buggy stared at the action. You presented him with another slice, which he bit hard to make sure it would splash again. He wanted a repeat showing.

“You’re so messy,” you chastised. Again, your fingers were cleaned by lips and tongue. Again, Buggy was absolutely enraptured. Again, you did not notice.

This time when you fed him a piece, you put the whole thing in his mouth to avoid splashing. A new problem replaced the old one; Buggy’s lips closed against the tips of your fingers. Those fingers felt so soft on his lips and he promised himself to move slowly next time. Your mind kicked into gear when the way his lips pressed at you felt more like a caress - like a kiss - than an accidental brush. Your eyes snapped to his face to see what he was thinking, but his eyes were closed and his face relaxed and gave you absolutely nothing to go on. You wrote it off as taking time to savor fresh food after having been mostly starved and fed scraps. Even so, your hand was more hesitant this time.

Buggy kept his eyes closed and opened his mouth at the feeling of tangerine prodding his lips. It only made it halfway into his mouth this time. He chomped down creating a spray. You huffed but he didn’t care when the second half was given to him and he pushed forward to take it all and to taste the juice on your fingertips. He didn’t linger for fear of rejection but he couldn’t deny himself the chance to lick juice from your skin. Your fingers were soft and the tangerine was sweet and he was giddy that you’d shared a transferred kiss.

You had a lot more trouble explaining away the swipe of his tongue than the purse of his lips. The urge to ask him what the hell he was doing almost overcame you, but you were stopped by how peaceful he looked. You didn’t want to take that from him. Besides, the touch didn’t bother you. It was quite the opposite actually; you were immediately addicted to the buzzing sensation it shot from your fingertips through to your chest and stomach, where it stayed to flutter.

Buggy didn’t venture to be so bold through the remainder of the fruit, though your fingers received an almost-kiss with each piece. Your yearning to feel his lips with your own grew each time, pressing at your heart until each beat kicked back strongly. You take a handkerchief from your back pocket to wipe your hands and dab at his lips. Buggy was placid through the whole thing. You wanted to bask in that a bit longer, so you tried to think up a reason to stay outside. Placing your hands on the sides of his face with care, you tilted his face up to look directly at you.

“I wanna stay out in the fresh air; the hut’s still hot from cooking. Wanna stay with?” you asked. Buggy didn’t respond. Instead, he was eyeing you like you’d asked a trick question. “Of course you could always go back to the bag.”

“Out here.” That was much quicker.

“Good!” You were already placing him to the side to stand up and set up. You grabbed a cushion from a chair on the porch and placed it on the large rim in front of the porch’s support beam. After carefully picking Buggy back up, you settled into the surprisingly comfortable cushion and leaned back on the beam. Buggy was placed in your lap, tilted and facing out so that he could take in the bucolic scene with you. Neither of you spoke for the remainder of the night, even when you settled in for bed. It felt unnecessary to say anything to add to the atmosphere that had fallen around the two of you. There was more than enough filling it between the patterns of endless stars, moonlight on waxy leaves, and crisp breeze over earthen ground. The main reason for the silence, though, was that you already felt connected from the way that your body warmed the back of his head, the way his weight settled in your lap, and the way your fingers never stopped stroking his jaw, cheeks, and temple.

~ ~ ~ ••• ✦✦✦ ••• ~ ~ ~

The whole Arlong thing was going to shit. You were separated out with Usopp, trying desperately to get back to your crew and help with any remaining fishmen. Each pounding stride sent vibrations up your legs, rattling your bones and joints. Your ragged breaths and pumping arms helped carry you further from the smoldering corpse and closer to more enemy bodies, these ones still able to snap their teeth at you. You could distantly recognize that you were afraid, but there was no room for it to exist inside you with your heart pumping in every spec of your body.

Breaking your tunnel vision was a call of your name from behind you.

It echoed through your body and made you freeze because you knew that voice. In front of you, Usopp was staring confused over your shoulder. You were too nervous to turn and look with him. Your every muscle was gripped tight with indecision. His eyes moved to meet your wild look and the scrunch of his brow asked the question.

“Tell everyone thank you and I’m sorry.” The words were simple but the quaver in your voice carried all the meaning you had no time to speak out.

You wrenched yourself around, not even waiting to see Usopp’s nod, and began sprinting away from the weight of your decision.

Buggy’s heart was in his throat. At first it was fear that had it jackhammering, but then you turned and happy disbelief kept it pumping. Holy shit, you’re really running to him - literally running to him - hitting him like a freight train and yanking him with you. Even though he had watched you for every second of your charge toward him, it was a surprise when you got to him, so much so that when you grabbed him, he separated from the waist up. His legs had to rev like a wind-up toy to try and catch up. Your hand fisting tight around his wrist was edging on painful but he loved it because it was real and you were real and you really chose him.

~ ~ ~••• ✦✦✦•••~ ~ ~

When you close yourselves off in the inn room you feel like you can relax for the first time in a long while. There’s warm food in your bellies and a roof over your heads. The room was a fair price and any of the shabby touches just added to the charm. It felt like being tucked into the guest room of a distant relative; there was an air of home even though you knew none of the stories this place has seen. While you were taking your time to look around the room, Buggy made a beeline for the bed and toppled onto it with a theatrical groan. You gave him a minute to breathe before you decided to touch base on the run in at dinner.

“She’s definitely trying to use us,” you cautioned.

“Well the feeling’s mutual,” Buggy responded, slowly getting himself upright. You snorted.

“I guess you’re right. Just gotta keep on our toes; there’s been enough bullshit recently,” you said, plopping next to him on the bed. He ate up the way your arm pressed into his. He sat stone still, hoping that if he didn’t move then you’d never realize you were touching him and move away. Fuck, having his body back was euphoric with how he got to experience more of you and your touch, but it was also overwhelming. Normally, he’d have no trouble asserting himself or stealing into someone's personal space but this felt so different. Every move closer to you felt like crossing an ancient rope and plank bridge; he was swaying and unsteady and every new piece of wood may give to let him plunge away into a rabid river, far away from the safety at the other side. You felt how he froze up like a rabbit before a wolf and worried you’d said something wrong.

“I’ll keep like the daintiest of my dancers, Toni Twinkle-Toes,” he promised, trying to appear normal by giving you a cheeky look.

“Oh yeah,” you laughed. “Better swap out your clunky ass boots for some slippers.” You nudged his boot with your own and kept your leg pressed tight to his. You were proud of yourself for finding a casual way to feel more of him. 

“Got any on hand?” he asked after pausing just a touch too long.

“Nah, left my ballet get up on the ship.” You waved a hand to gesture at the bag you’d overstuffed between your run from Usopp and escape from Conomi Island. It was easy to convince your companion to go with you to gather your things. It was much harder to convince him that, no, you would not help him steal the whole ship.

“That's too bad,” he sighed. “I would’ve loved to see you in a tiny leotard, sweetcheeks.”

Buggy happily received your shove, though he still fell to his side, holding it like you’d broken him. Through laughter you said, “Well when you get me one, you better make sure it’s over the top and flashy.”

Oh no, he’s a goner. 

You stand up and walk to your bag, missing the love-struck look set on you. A shame, really, because those eyes you loved so much had never looked shinier or softer.

“Okay, so since we’re sharing a bed, your ass is taking a bath.” Way to ruin the moment for him.

“But I’m tired and want to sleep,” he whined. A few moments passed where he fully registered your words and had to reboot. He popped back up to sit straight and rushed out, “We’re sharing a bed?”

His eagerness absolutely melted you and you turned to look at him with affectionate eyes. It felt nice to have someone so excited to be near you. You felt valuable. “Yes, we’ve done it before.”

“But I was just a head,” he pressed. You raised a brow.

“I mean we can figure something out if you don’t want to.”

Fuck, no, back track! Back track!

“It’s fine,” Buggy said, a little too loudly. “I mean - I don’t care. Well, it doesn’t bother me.” He took a breath and tried again, while you tried to stifle your laughter. “Since you want to be in my bed so bad, you’re more than welcome to it, toots.”

“How sweet,” you cooed sarcastically. Your walk over to him had a predatory sway. He stayed enraptured as you grabbed his scarf and leaned in close to his face. He shivered as the material pulled gently at the back of his neck. His rounded eyes did their best to take in every fleck of color in your own. “After you take a bath.” You let him go quickly and moved back to finish gathering your things.

“Fine,” Buggy groaned. He felt much too flustered so he compulsively added one more joke. “Sure is one way to get me naked.” He waggled his brows and winked when you gave him an unimpressed look. You wouldn’t let him see how much the thought got to you. The image of him spread out in a tub, skin pink through the steam and long hair sweeping down his shoulders to cling to his chest then float lazily in the water, had you blushing. You imagined him opening droopy eyes, darkened by those pretty lashes, to invite you in with a reaching hand and a devilish smirk. You had to make that a reality. But for now, whatever was happening between you two was too new and unstable.

“I’m sorry to say your nudity will be between you and the room; I’ve bartered with Alvida to use her room’s tub tonight,” you explained.

Buggy was torn evenly between relief and disappointment. On the one hand, he was hurt from what felt like a polite rejection, but on the other, he had more time to prepare before he tried presenting himself to you. When you see more of him, he wants to look his absolute best. He wanted to stand up to your looks and prove he was worth looking at. He needed you to feel he was worth touching and especially holding. He desperately needed it to be perfect so that if anyone was making a fool of themselves with nervousness and desire it would be you.

He refocused himself by continuing your banter. “Oh, sweets, what’d that cost ya?”

“A future favor to hold over my head,” you answered. A grimace tugged at your lips for a moment at the memory of Alvida’s predatory smile at the terms.

He let out a low whistle. “Sure is a high price for a tub.”

“You have no idea how desperate I am for a soak,” you moaned in a way that sounded exhausted to you but sinful to Buggy. You needed to get away from him before he said or did something stupid.

“Then go already and be quick; we paid for a nice bed and I’m getting my money’s worth,” he said, flicking his hands to shoo you. With a roll of your eyes, a shakedown of your bag, and a sarcastic salute, you left the room to give yourself the scrub down of a lifetime (and then that relaxation soak for your aching bones - Buggy will survive some waiting).

A very small piece of Buggy wished that he had asked you to share the tub, but a very large part of Buggy was a chicken. Besides, he wanted to see you on the ‘after’ side of clean; not ‘before’. He gathered his supplies, mostly shaved and siphoned from yours, while the tub filled. After the water reached high enough, Buggy stared at it with a sour frown. He was monologuing to himself about the tedious endeavor you’ve trapped him in, only to change his mind the moment he settled into the bath. Though he’d never admit it to you, the relief he felt at the warm water loosening him and washing the stale feeling off of his skin made the effort and delay of a bath well worth it. Before he moved to start however, Buggy closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling and release his imagination.

His mind was kind and supplied him with images of you sitting beside the tub, preparing your tools and tinctures to take care of him. The smile he gave you was the one he admired on the tangerine night, and even though it was conjured by his own mind, it made his heart stutter. He made his plight worse when he imagined overflowing love in your eyes and sweet words on your tongue. You were helping him after a long day at sea - no, no, after a successful raid for treasure. You sang his praises and called him things like “sweetheart” and “my love”. Your body was dripping with the priceless gems and precious metals that he’d placed on you the moment he had gotten back to his cabin, and he told you you looked like a queen. You blushed and smiled and hugged and kissed and pulled him over to the tub to show your gratitude with loving service.

The fact that he was able to use your shampoo and conditioner again made the illusion better but his fingers were no match for yours. They pulled no sighs nor tingles from him. They didn’t ease him into liquid contentment. Even though he was able to mostly replicate the soothing and intentional way you had worked the products into his scalp, he gave up the effort quickly. It wouldn’t feel nearly as good because it wasn’t you doing it. He instead set about going through the process as quickly as possible.

Buggy had hoped that moving on to washing his body would give him a reprieve from his yearning, but it simply continued on. Each swipe of the soaped cloth across his skin has him daydreaming of your hand behind it instead. He wondered what bliss you would be able to bring his aching muscles if he had turned to putty after only a scalp massage. He wondered what details you would notice and add to like you had when washing his hair. Which surfaces would you soften? Which senses would you guide? Which hidden knots would you free him of? Which pieces of himself would you have him learning new joys from?

He wrenched himself back into the present, realizing he had stood still in his thoughts for much too long. Setting back to his work, Buggy gave himself a painstakingly thorough washing and rinsing, finishing it off with a long brushing of his teeth. He felt very ridiculous going about the whole process, but the thought of being so close to you and having or doing anything that disgusts you. He’s positive it would crush him.

That very feeling had him washing every spec of sand, dirt, sweat, and makeup off of his face so he could build the whole look back up fresh. He gave his past self one drop of gratitude for keeping makeup in his coat. Though it was usually for touch-ups, there was plenty to make almost any of his looks. He was meticulous with his application, especially around his eyes. There was not a line or lash or spec of glitter out of place. He kept to the same crossbones and blue diamonds you had first seen him in, hoping that they’d continue to keep your attention. He remembered that you noticed his eyes only second to his hair, so he darkened the smudged liner around them in hopes you would stare longer. 

Next, the wild red smile was painted across his face. It made him feel more comfortable, like his nose stood out less, but something was missing. Buggy stared too long at his reflection, picking at every detail until all of it was ugly and distorted and unfixable. With a sigh, he settled on blending his painted smile to be a deeper blood red at his lips and turned away from the mirror. Though he was saved from seeing himself any longer, he didn’t feel any better. That was precisely when you knocked on the bedroom door.

~ ~ ~••• ✦✦✦•••~ ~ ~

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Taglist: @fanaticsnail @youreinthewind @snippychicke

#buggy x reader #buggy x you #buggy x y/n #opla buggy x reader #opla x reader #buggy the clown #one piece #opla buggy #afab reader #one piece x reader #opla #my writing #x reader

[shayyprasad]

intellectual | peter parker

summary: you overhear something you weren't supposed to, but it shouldn't have been said in the first place. in result, you can't help but wonder if peter wants something different.

warnings: implied smut, mentions of sex, insecurity, use of y/n

pairing: bimbo!reader x frat!peter

word count: 3.0k+ words (my longest fic yet-)

a/n: in no way is use of "bimbo" meant to be a patriarchal stereotype. please do not take it offensively, this is a work of fiction.

M.LIST | RULES/REQUESTING | ABOUT ME

peter was totally smitten by you. really, he was. after all he's been through, it was kind of nice having someone who adores him as much as he does, even if you are... a tad bit dim-witted.

while he grew up surrounded by death, trauma, and more, you were raised sheltered, hidden away from all the bad things. and even though peter's been through some shit, he finds it to hold you so gently, like the pretty thing you are, as if you were stained glass; fragile, but so beautiful.

when he's holding you, all his soft, brown eyes can focus on are how your soft, manicured hands wrap around his rough, calloused ones. you're always careful not to hurt him with your acrylics.

even though you can be slow at times, it's almost impossible not to admire the way your clothes always hug your curves, glossed lips pulled into a pretty pout.

peter could have just about any girl he wanted on campus, but he didn't want any of them.

he wanted you, and only you.

maybe it's because you were different, and no, not in dim-witted nature. but because of how soft you were. you didn't know, and even if you did, understand the horrors he wittnessed out there everyday.

you were protected by a little (very pink) bubble that you lived in, so when he came home to you, it felt as if he was in a different world altogether. you were so damn good at distracting peter, and you didn't even know it.

you were in your own dorm room, watching a silly rom-com while peter was with his friends, he told you not to wait up for him, given that he would be up 'til the early hours of the morning. but you decided that peter and his goodnight kisses were slightly more important than your beauty sleep.

slightly.

you furrowed your neatly shaped eyebrows at something that one of the characters said, tilting your head.

ram-i-fic-a-tion? you thought, humming. pulling out your phone, you googled the word.

noun plural noun: ramifications

a consequence of an action or event, especially when complex or unwelcome. "any change is bound to have legal ramifications"

"legal ram-i-fic-a-tions?" you wondered aloud.

you skimmed the rest of the definitions, still confused. surely peter wouldn't mind if you gave him a quick ring? so you went ahead in did that, letting the sound echo in the room.

when he didn't pick up, you frowned.

"ummm..." you trailed off, calling one of his friends, spencer, instead. you weren't a stranger to him, but more of a mutual. after all, your roommate was dating him. actually, you'd ask alyssa, your roomie, but she wasn't here.

much to your happiness, spencer did pick up. "hiii, spence."

"y/n?" he said, slurring slightly.

"what does, like, ram-i-fic-a-tion mean?" you asked, careful to enunciate.

spencer was aware of... how your brain worked, and he wasn't a jerk about it (unlike some people). he was one of peter's closer friends, so you felt comfortable around him.

"ramification? oh, uh, it's like a consequence."

you frowned dumbly, "to what?"

"to an action. if you don't study for the final, you might not do well. that's a consequence to your action. a ramification."

"oh. oh! okay. thank you!"

he didn't disconnect right away, and you could hear one of his frat brothers, you were unsure who, talking. and of course, you strained your ears to listen.

"it doesn't get annoying or anything?"

you heard peter's voice come next, and instantly perked up. "what?"

"dude, be so for real. she's hot, but like, as dumb as a third grader. do you have to talk to her like that too?" he laughed.

oof, you thought, sucks to be whoever it was they were talking about.

"sometimes. she's good in bed, though."

wait. he was talking about you. your jaw dropped. i mean, you were stupid, but not this stupid. so this is what "saturday night with the boys" was all about?

you heard collective laughing. you did stupid things sometimes, but never had the mental compacity to be embarrased by them. this, though? this was different.

you trusted peter.

he was the only person who never, ever, spoke to or about you like that. in fact, it was one of the reasons you'd grown to like him so much. because he was patient, he was kind, and never did he once judge you.

well, that's what you thought.

but you were dumb enough to think that just because he never spoke about it to you, he never spoke about it all.

you immediately disconnected the call, dropping your phone. trying to focus back on the movie, you nibbled on a piece of popcorn.

but you just couldn't get over it. did it bother him?

all the questions? the dim-witted stupidity? all the pink?

reluctantly, you glanced the hot pink bowl that held your snack.

you didn't mean to be so... like that. you were just being yourself. did peter not like you being yourself? no, no, of course not. if he didn't, then why would he be with you?

a little voice in the back of your head rang out; "because you're good in bed."

maybe it wouldn't hurt to try and raise your iq?

you turned off the tv, hot pink popcorn bowl forgotten. alyssa wouldn't mind if you borrowed something, right?

you opened her room door, walking over to her bookself. wrinkling up your nose, you scanned her shelf. how could someone like reading so much?

it was so... gross.

oh, well. maybe peter was into intellectuals. and you had better become before he left you for someone like that.

your eyes paused at a book titled "the hobbit".

"what's a... hobbit?" you asked, not to anyone in particular. you skipped it, looking at her other ones.

"'twisted love', 'the fault in our stars'... what'd the stars do?" picking up the book, you read the back. "huh," you remarked, putting it back.

instead, you grabbed a couple self-help books, struggling to hold them with your acrylic nails, which, of course, were bright pink... accentuated with big charms; bows and hearts.

you went back over to your room, dumping them on your bed. checking your nails again, you drummed them against your palm to make sure they were intact.

you started reading the first one, curling up in a blanket, but you kept getting distracted. every five seconds, you look up to make sure your lashes were still in place, or that your skin wasn't to shiny, or that your hair was still perfect. and to be honest, you didn't really understand any of it.

like, who actually had the patience to read through all of it? how could a book cure all your crap?

and why would you read a book to feel better, when you could go to a spa, or a shopping spree.

credit cards were invented for a reason.

but you powered through, at the very least, you skimmed the words. there was no way you could read it word for word. but you wanted to try... for peter.

you wanted him to stick around, to love you, but not superficially. not for sex.

you stayed up until 1:30 (mostly reading, and you still didn't understand how people did this for fun), but didn't call peter. you'd talk to him tomorrow, maybe. first, you needed to get your facts straight. eventually, you got ready for bed.

this included showering, taking off your makeup, putting your hair in rollers, and your fifteen-step skincare routine.

you may have been half asleep, but you'd never skip a step.

peter came over around noon monday, when neither of you had classes. "jeez, babe," he groaned, you in his lap, "i've got so much to do. seriously, i'm never gonna get it done."

you twirled your hair, appearing nonchalant, "your mindset is either your best friend, or worst enemy."

you kept your eyes trained on your phone, waiting for peter to respond. looking up, you saw him blink. "uh... yeah. that was- that was very... un-y/n-like."

to be honest, you didn't even know what the saying meant. you just memorized it from your book. "was it dumb?"

"no, it was smart," peter replied, kissing your hairline.

"i'm normally dumb?" you asked, tearing up. lips pouted, voice moist, you made eye contact with him. you knew you were a little slow, but dumb? really?

"no! that's not what i meant. it just sounded- well, i- cause you never say stuff like that. you're my smart, pretty girl."

"oh, okay," you said, your nails tracing the curve of his back. you pecked him on the lips, but he brought you back for a longer kiss.

you giggled as he flipped your positions, peter on top.

"can i show you just how pretty you are?"

he didn't have to ask twice.

you were in the dining hall, sitting with some of your friends, mixed with some of peter's.

they were talking as you picked at your salad, leaning into peter.

"ugh," sarah, you kind-of friend started, "my boss gave me a premotion."

"what the fuck are you complaining about?" alyssa scoffed.

"because! it means that i have to do more...! like, i'll have to get up earlier. i dunno if i'll take it. it's cooler than the one i have now, but but it's not as comforting."

you spoke up, completely confident, "commit to change. either embrace the challenge of pursuing your destiny or shy way and live in regret."

collective "oohs" and "damns" were heard around the table, and you reveled in it.

"okay, girl, you go."

"parker, when did your girlfriend get a braincell upgrade?" you looked at peter, waiting for him to shoot something back, but he didn't. you frowned slightly, going back to the salad.

it went on like that, you would pipe in and offer self-help advice (not really knowing what it meant) hoping for peter's attention. sometimes you got it, and sometimes you didn't.

it was fine, you wanted him to notice you. after all, you weren't reading for fun. you were doing it for him, so... just, like, notice already.

you'd been focusing so much on the self-help books, your nails had grown out, leaving space between your nail bed and acrylics. deciding to take some time away from the books and all their un-understandable wisdom, you wanted to paint your nails.

nothing to big, but more simple. you were finding it hard to turn the page with the large charms on the acrylics you normally had to.

you found some 100% acetone in your bathroom, so you soaked your nails, waiting for the acrylics to come off. once they got loose enough, they came off easily.

you did some prepping, then picked out two different shades of pink. you were about to start when you heard two long knocks, then two short ones.

(it was peter's special knock, so you'd always know when it was him.)

"come in!" you called out, and you saw a head of fluffy brown hair peek in.

"hey," he said, slipping in your room.

"hi, petey!"

he came up from behind you, hugging your waist. "whatcha doing?"

you opened a bottle of nail paint, "painting my nails."

"cute colors," he kissed your cheek, and you leaned in.

"right? pink is so pretty," you gushed.

"what are these?" peter asked, and you looked over curious as to what he was talking about.

"oh, just, like, lyss' books."

"yeah, but why're they in here?" he read the back of one, raising a brow.

you continued painting your nails, trying to appear chill. "i was reading them."

he seemed to do a double-take, and you frowned, "what?"

"nothing- nothing, i just..."

"i know how to read," you said, shoulders sagging. "i'm smarter than a third-grader," you didn't catch the slip-up, but he did.

that caught him off guard there, "what?"

"what?" looking up, you finally met his eyes.

"you said you- well, yeah, i know. you just don't-" he paused, "self-help books didn't seem like your thing is all. oh, is that why've you been saying all that?"

"saying what?"

"all the-" he didn't want to hurt your feelings, but if he was right, he already had. "the, um, advice?" he stammered. peter didn't trip over his words often, and you knew that.

you were sure that he knew that you knew, but you weren't sure if he knew for sure.

you shrugged, "doesn't it sound smart?"

"no, yeah, it does." he's treading very carefully. it was quiet for a brief moment; "did you hear?"

"hear what?"

"the... the comment i made?"

"oh, that one about me being stupid, but good in bed?" you said it so casually, as if it didn't bother you at all.

but it did. he knew it did.

he sighed, "i'm really sorry, baby."

"for what?"

"for saying that."

"no, you're sorry you got caught. you wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it."

"i didn't- i was drunk," peter tried again.

"drunk words are sober thoughts," something else you read, you aren't sure where.

he was starting to get really nervous. he didn't know what was going through your head, normally he had a good idea, but it wasn't anything like this. it didn't seem like you hated him, but he wasn't about to take advantage.

"no, i-"

"it's okay. i'm working on it," you said, trying to make him feel better. as if you were the one who'd messed up, not peter. the idea itself was insane to him, and it only made him feel worse.

"angel," peter started, "this is not your fault. please don't make it your fault. i'm the one who messed up, and what i said was not okay. it was a stupid, drunk joke, and i shouldn't said it."

you blew on your nails, blinking back your tears. mascara, the good stuff, was expensive. you looked up, shocked to see tears in his eyes. you don't think you've ever seen him cry before. well, maybe once, when you watched "titanic" with him.

peter wasn't one to get emotional, he still denied ever crying over that movie.

"it's okay," you repeated again. you were dumb, you knew that. it really wasn't his fault, you shouldn't have pushed him to feel like that.

"but it's not. and i know you know that, please tell me what i can do to make it better."

"but-"

"no, it's not," he said sternly, "and i cannot stress that enough. i'm really sorry, baby."

you capped the polish, you didn't know what to say. it wasn't your fault? okay, fine.

maybe he was right.

"i got really upset," you admitted.

"i know, baby," the tears are falling, he quickly wipes them away.

"did you really mean it?"

"no, no, no, of course not. i absolutely love you the way you are, and you shouldn't have to change yourself for anyone- especially not for me."

"so you don't think i'm only good for sex?"

"baby, no, baby, no!" baby, he used that word for affection; when he was guilty, trying to prove something to you... in this case, how sorry he was. "you are good for so many other things," he paused, "okay, that didn't sound great."

he took a deep breath, taking your freshly painted hands in yours, "don't mess up the polish," you warned, even though you were tearing up.

peter smiled slightly, that meant you weren't too upset, right? that he hadn't fucked everything up by great means?

"i haven't ever met someone like you, who loves me the same back. and i don't mean generally, but romantically. lots of people can't put up with me," he started, "but you do, and jesus, baby, i'm so greatful for that- and you," peter added.

"you are the bright pink light of my life. you're so different from other girls i've been with, you see me. you don't look at me, you see me. like, okay, maybe you aren't the greatest at math, but you don't have to be a s.t.e.m. genius to be smart."

peter was getting raw, he was getting vunerable. "i don't know how to use a curling iron for the life of me, i don't know the difference between mascara and eyeliner. well, i do, but i didn't before you."

you looked at him, opening your mouth to speak. you wanted to tell him he'd lost you somewhere along the line, but figured it was important for him to get this out.

"you've got a different mindset than me, and i love that. you're the biggest feminist i've ever met, and wait until you meet may. i think it's interesting that your entire personality doesn't revolve around your degrees and resumes, because, god, people like that are annoying. most of all, you're confidence is amazing. i never had anything like that in high school."

you knew that he was a nerd, kept his head down, shoulders sagging. "i just... i'm sorry. i don't know why i said it. i'm a huge insecure jerk that thinks he can get away with crap by projecting it onto his lovely, amazing, wonderful girlfriend. you're my favorite person, and i can't help but think you'll leave me one day. i thought that if i acted like i didn't care... i don't know. i- i don't... i'm sorry."

you took moment, that's the longest he's ever spoken to you, but he wasn't done, apparently.

"also, i don't care about sex. i mean, it's nice and whatever, but what's the point of it if i don't have you. what i'm trying to say is, i'd pick you over that any day, okay? it doesn't matter to me. i'm not with you for that."

"thank you," you said, it seemed appropriate. basically, he just compliented you a whole lot, and it worked; you seem to have a thing for praising. "and i forgive you. also, i hated those stupid books, and if they weren't, like, alyssa's, i'd burn them."

you shuddered, "i can't believe i read them."

"really?" peter asked, hopeful. you kissed away a stray tear, looking into his wet eyes. "we're okay?"

"we're so okay," you paused, "but you have to watch bridgerton with me."

he groaned, "fine." (you knew he liked it, he just wouldn't ever admit to it.)

"wait, so just checking, you aren't into, like, intellectuals or whatever?"

"i'm into you," he said, "whether or not you idenify as one."

taglist: @whatsupstark @ell0ra-br3kk3r @idli-dosa @susvale @kdbsr-h @littlemsbumblebee @sflame15-blog @twinsunkithies @chocolateshepherddreamclod

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #spiderman #angst #tom holland x you #fluff #peter parker imagine #bimbo!reader #frat!peter #frat!peter x bimbo!reader #frat!peter x reader #peter x bimbo!reader

[fintan-pyren]

Sometimes, life is busy. You shouldn't let that stop you from enjoying a good book, but who has the time to read the same words over and over again?

For your enjoyment and convenience, I have removed all duplicate words from the first Keeper of the Lost Cities book.

blurry fractured memories swam through sophie’s mind but she couldn’t piece them together tried opening her eyes and found only darkness something rough pressed against wrists ankles refusing to let move a wave of cold rushed as the horrifying realization dawned was hostage cloth across lips stifled cry for help sedative’s sweet aroma stung nose when inhaled making head spin were they going kill would black swan really destroy their own creation what point project moonlark then everblaze drug lulled toward dreamless oblivion fought back clinging one memory that could shine tiny spot light in thick inky haze pair beautiful aquamarine fitz’s first friend new life ever maybe if hadn’t noticed him day museum none this have happened no knew it’d been too late even white fires already burning curving city filling sky with sticky smoke spark before blaze miss foster mr sweeney’s nasal voice cut blaring music he yanked earbuds out by cords you decided you’re smart pay attention information sophie forced open not wince bright fluorescents reflected off vivid blue walls amplifying throbbing headache hiding sweeney mumbled shrinking under glares now staring classmates pulled shoulder-length blond hair around face wishing hide behind it exactly kind went way avoid why wore dull colors lurked blocked other kids who at least foot taller than survive twelve-year-old high school senior perhaps can explain listening your ipod instead following along held up like evidence crime though probably he’d dragged class natural history balboa park assuming his students be excited about all-day field trip didn’t seem realize unless giant dinosaur replicas came started eating people cared tugged loose eyelash nervous habit stared feet there make understand needed cancel noise hear chatter from dozens tourists echoed fossil-lined splashed cavernous room mental voices real problem scattered disconnected pieces thoughts broadcast straight into brain being hundreds tvs different shows same time sliced consciousness leaving sharp pains wake freak secret burden since fell hit five years old she’d blocking ignoring nothing helped never tell anyone wouldn’t you’ve above lecture don’t give asked pointed enormous orange duckbill center how lambeosaurus differs dinosaurs we’ve studied repressed sigh flashed an image card front display glanced entered photographic recorded every detail recited facts twisted scowl classmates’ grow increasingly sour weren’t fans resident child prodigy called curvebuster finished answer grumbled sounded  know-it-all stalked exhibit next over follow thin separating two rooms block muffled grabbed little relief nice job superfreak garwin chang boy wearing t-shirt said i’m gonna fart sneered shoved past join they’ll write another article child teaches lame-o-saurus still bitter yale had offered full scholarship rejection letter arrived few weeks allowed go parents much pressure young end discussion so attending closer smaller san diego college year fact some annoying reporter newsworthy enough post local paper chooses ivy league complete photo freaked wasn’t strong word more half rules unnecessary front-page articles pretty worst nightmare they’d newspaper complain editor seemed unhappy story run place on arsonist terrorizing trying figure mistake bizarre white-hot flames smelled burnt sugar took priority everything especially unimportant girl most ignore or used caught sight tall dark-haired reading yesterday’s embarrassing black-and-white looked seen particular shade teal smooth sea glass beach glittered flickered expression gaze disappointment decide shrugged leaning closed distance between smile belonged movie screen heart did weird fluttery thing is pointing picture nodded feeling tongue-tied fifteen far cutest talking i thought squinted brown uh yeah sure say reason felt conversation accent british somehow crisper which bothered know are suck words soon left mouth course boys cute made mushy perfect returned told hulking greenish standing albertosaurus all its lizardesque glory me do think that’s it’s absurd

isn’t see saw small t rex: big teeth ridiculously short arms fine laughed i’ll get meet turned leave just classes kindergartners barreled fossil crushing screaming knock step whole realm pain kids’ stinging high-pitched needles many once angry porcupine attacking hands darted rubbing temples ease stabbings skull remembered alone reaction locked forehead pained imagined seconds hushed blood drain mean created plenty racket shrieks squeals giggles plus sixty individual chattering away gasped solved earlier everyone boy’s distinct accented speaking totally completely silent possible whispered widened moved whisper telepath flinched skin itch gave can’t believe backed exit reveal total stranger okay holding sort wild animal calm afraid froze my name’s fitz added stepping name searching sign part joke joking thinking wobbled spent seven find someone else world tilted sideways steady here looking twelve we better question: want air jerked bolted door stumbling shaky legs rhythm sucked breaths ran down stairs burned lungs bits ash flew ignored wanted space strange come shouted picked pace raced courtyard base steps wide fountain grassy knolls sidewalk got inside because poor quality footsteps gaining wait pouring energy sprint fighting urge glance shoulder halfway crosswalk sound screeching tires reminded both ways terrified driver struggling stop car plowed right die second blur swerved missing inches jumped curb sideswiped streetlight heavy steel lantern cracked plummeted instincts hand shot pulling strength somewhere deep gut pushing fingertips force collide falling gripping extension arm dust settled floated feel weighed ton put familiar warned bringing trance shrieked dropped without hurtled watch yanking split crashed ground impact knocked tumbled body broke fall landed chest stretched flurry questions swirling coherent idea sat replaying sense need witnessed miracle tighten panic let’s overwhelmed plan resist street reached intersection north zoo where crowd during firestorm running missed hearing changed terrifying scenarios involved government agents throwing dark vans experiments watched road ready bolt anything suspicious zoo’s massive parking lot relaxed outside milling cars happen witnesses slowed walk breath promise sincere easier opened hesitated supposed am trust won’t considered father sent specific age observe report always talk frowned disappointed himself does means expected threw what’s wrong touched eyelids suddenly selfconscious figured again awe us stopped whoa hang ‘one us’ frowning spotted fanny-pack-wearing within earshot deserted corner ducking green minivan there’s easy we’re human stunned speak hysterical laugh escaped repeated shaking riiiiiight insane trusting kicked stomped telling truth minute last listen plea humans vanished gone reeling leaned argued taking clear set pole minutes ago almost three managed finally saying alien erupted laugher cheeks grew hot also relieved compose elf hung foreign object belong visions tights pointy ears danced giggling expect guess stick wavy spikes rock star good crazy agreed refused serious frodo ring save middle-earth toys hid corners showed oh ought folded slender silver wand intricate carvings etched sides tip round crystal sparkled sunlight magic asking rolled actually pathfinder spun latch top dangerous you’ll faded depends take concentrate matter happens proof prove whisk land curious harm someone’s willed palms sweat fingers laced stupid tingled everywhere scanning warning look scowled bit tongue concentrated racing seriously become those silly girls counted raising facet beam refracted tightened grip forward warm tingling million feathers swelling underneath tickling giggle melted goo keeping oozing blanket warmth wrapped faster blink eye might squeaked stood edge glassy river lined impossibly trees fanning emerald leaves among puffy clouds row castles walt disney throw rocks kingdom golden path led sprawling elaborate domed buildings built brick-size jewels each structure color snowcapped mountains surrounded lush valley crisp cool

cinnamon chocolate sunshine places exist less appear forgotten released realized hard squeezing unable castle towers oddly our capital call eternalia heard shangri-la lost cities you’d stories rarely ridiculous things elves burst quiet gentle breeze brushing soft murmur traffic hammering unspoken very silence rising tiptoes view streets ghost town building towered others stones emeralds banner flying tribunal progress everyone’s watching proceedings council basically royalty holds broken law they’re deal laws well shook wrap cringing question funniest glared funny regained control try cling remaining strands sanity sun casting ray onto leaping hitched ride headed impossible infinite travel haven’t theory relativity stumped dumbest i’ve albert einstein huh dumb argue confident unnerving harder waited feather sensation dryer scattering directions until rubber band later shivering ocean whipping glowed carved moonlight failed passed bring herself true science book read confused observed ‘hey learned smug grin best minds begin comprehend complexities reality elves’ ahead slowest trump proper education shoulders sagged sank four scenery blurred whether tears entire lie nudged hey fault believed taught i’d done works bells chimed large gateway floor-length velvet capes draped tunics emerged followed creatures marching military formation rocky pants muscles prominently flat noses coarse gray pleated folds armadillo goblins signed treaty hating trembling dressed forbidden lumenaria worlds gnomes dwarves ogres trolls mentioning focused motioned farther squatting betrayed ancient councillors intelligent rule planning war ancients violence disappeared forbid any contact devices working defend race famine problems chilled frigid wind licking who’d known must’ve after eventually evolved myths simple yes peeked glowing crucial identity clicked spinning thousand loud clang gate stepped shadows sleek cobalt home jolted mom bus bland boring stole incredible blinding swept smoky fresh surprised recognized plain square houses narrow tree-lined house ask lived coughed handle putting pollutes planet these aren’t normal chemical smells usually wildfires smell barbecue melting cotton candy burn rain arsonists admitted pocket hoping notice dad wants knows neither important meant mystery he’s happy careful please shown today thank act family doesn’t suspect squared courage telepaths special ability rarer ones thirteen six months corrected liking youngest manifest start reverberated scanned positive waking hospital moment forget hooked kinds machines hovering shouting barely separate hold happening group adults haunted worry brows narrowed doing extra private keep wall weak hated bossed answering concerned action worked imagining stretching shadow mine blurted pale process hardest worries live fumbled answers long trouble knees link amazing will tomorrow panicked battered cluttered living phone she’s receiver having reeled daggers calling wandering worried police sorry stammered convincing horrible liar scared mom’s anger concern nervously curly guy realizing lies based freaking walked trolley train teacher guard ugh complained closing adult rubbed wrinkle appeared stressed upset safe stand weirdo understood dangers teased tormented bullied deflate wish trailed close rest sister slipped pin painful tight hug welcome honey dinner ten amy upstairs kitchen unease twist stomach worn linoleum pastel tacky knickknacks ordinary glittering kissed cheek shabby briefcase table how’s soybean wink baby apparently pronouncing thousands times lid simmering pots garlic cream filled handed silverware turn crackin’ scooted plopped usual chair nine role mastered opposite lower average grades popularity sisters wondered definitely powers lowered breathing: inhale exhale repeat care nickname dizzy must lay should eat skipping acting fettuccine night favorite rich sauce sudden nausea tug eyelashes chewed bite swallow fork official thanks great homework sprinted bed hiss shattered marty pounding fluffy cat sitting tail slunk settling lap marty’s purring

confront downstairs settle explained blonde chubby brunette screamed throbbed deeper ripped apart blinked related change lots adopted poked brought e l fudges plate cookies milk getting sick palm fever tired cookie stumbled routine crawled blankets wrapping pillow dreams kissing tucked tradition breathe ella yep elephant stuffed sleep tonight um guys hugged tighter hours labor endured switched birth daughter doubt wondering anymore dreamed keebler perfected recipes liked oreos drown vat fudge woke overrated morning quick shower jeans shirt buttery yellow stripes item closet self-conscious wear gold flecks admit clipped toyed lip gloss snuck check crept yard blinking stuck contained next-door neighbor perch middle lawn forkle rearranging garden tableaux nosy checking effect beady bored hers loved sentences complaining 911 obligated gnome fraction inch gives headaches yapping interrupted ball fur streaked barking spandex jogging shorts chased grabbing dog leash clumsy lunge kneeled stroking wild-eyed panting creature drew growled strained mad sister’s hates displaying several halfmoon wounds bleeding scar suppose willing carry blocks seems winked piercing certainly yelled jogger guy’s louder chaos wonder grab drag should’ve trick react stopping tracks side man straightened height quite intimidating ordered glowered promised snorted grumbling moving explaining whenever appearance waiting incident eyewitnesses frustrating confusing bell rang lurking scream demanded loudly heads bad flashing cocky rush blush unanswered tries creepy snatch slow replayed scene remember growling forkle’s quietly quieter we’ll we’d eyeing suspected impending mischief leap english ditch yesterday strangle pull disappearing fail willingly use telepathy brushed whispering pushed further test tested permission assignment frustrated matters invading offense scrunch nod movement nearby oak drowned could’ve sworn jogger’s campus gestured tree either imagine adjusted shouldn’t anyway who’s committee sidelong heat breaking automatically furious enjoyed caused determines grinned future shield surveyed surroundings metal nearly everglen leading doors absorbs directly likes privacy stressful doubted king kong faint click swung inward striking clearing growing midnight cape fastened clasp diamond-encrusted wings lean vibrant resemblance alden introduced bow curtsy shake greet shy pleasure prominent kidding unusual flush smiled embarrassed fire alden’s injury muttered son shared kidnapping considering such might’ve paranoid has touch rude assure love kidnapper searched reassure kindness agree placed gently jacket ticked indeed fascinating sounding triumphant perfectly specifically nexus forgot covered dug cuff coat clamped bracelet wrist twisting fit snug comfortable accessory single jewel rectangle symbols letters spelled gibberish odd decorate finality safety precaution break particles carried concentration circumstances bare early fools overestimate skills fade cautious answered lose yourself able fully reform pulls forever goose bumps dimple cleared throat prefer reproving send mission collect long-lost guests wiped blooming red pink purple rainbow perfume flowers dizzying testing qualify foxfire paused fungus insulted prestigious academy named represents glow darkened comes ‘fungus’ strongest talent kiss goodbye excuse proud attend accomplishment earliest levels develops abilities continue studies elvin sneak work knowingly chills mixed night’s troubling revelation sickening councillor bronte difficult impress feels upbringing lack disqualify surprises existed miffed votes squat brown-skinned huge tended fairy tale plants slantways shuffled carrying basket twinkling fruit guessing pictured men hats statues servants stare choose safer gardens enjoy privileged taste gnomish produce lunch treat dig slimy tubers slugs hoped menu peeled meadow elegant manor entirely intricately numerous turrets gables rose tower resembled lighthouse braided foyer prism widest hallway fountains spouted streams colored water hall dead-ended encrusted jeweled mosaic

diamond unicorns amethyst spoke wealth squeezed formal dining sheer silk curtains drawing chandelier waterfall shimmering crystals platters fancy goblets figures jewel-encrusted circlets plush thronelike chairs surrounding curtsied necks clasps keys horribly underdressed fabrics except disguise kenric oralie football player toothy princess rosy ringlets met smallest cropped features finger pairs floor laughter squirmed joined pleased shape it’ll transformed noticing autorepeat: scooting oralie’s one’s died yet hurt immortal trace sorrow bodies aging reach adulthood wrinkles belongs yourselves guest uncovered grimace strips glop goop tasted juiciest cheeseburger stuff mashed carnissa root umber leaf tastes chicken animals tone ate toxic waste squirming grimaced vegetarians horror vegetables cheeseburgers tells swallowed mouthful thud discussing openly respond kenric’s jaws dry remembering warnings stay begun eight pass mentioned learn relax bronte’s icy gust common announced jaw flushing chagrined incredulous impenetrable key sentence ‘almost breached guilt conscience sounds infallible thinks likely exceptionally lift weight telekinesis recovering embarrassment shrank goblet accident raised lifting invisible scoffed unimpressed limitations unlike physical confidence clue giving blew pretending imaginary extend sharper worth saucers applauded excellent praise couple glasses determined stronger ounce core empty collective gasp including breathed celebrate cramped strain knocking thunderous collision open-mouthed shock hollered sealed clapped language guys’ enlightened leaped instinctive interesting babbling teasing noisy gripped ‘soybean’ mispronouncing blushed chuckled beside dusting waved insisted sighed suldreen stretch line rare species bird puzzle solve uncomfortable coincidence convince decision barked shoving moonlarks vote otherwise fight favor final fragile lovely empath emotions extended grasped delicate fear confusion sincerity describe azure settles revisited till adjust invoke demand probe planned arranged quinlin busy decipher fun training looks iffy ‘bothered’ dad’s reluctant emptiness exploded choked saving colder implications ditched stall punishment atlantis nowhere patch white-capped waves signs seagulls screech poop hardly continent tide pool triangular slip slick shoes match gown begged status noble members nobility offices empire waist beaded neckline dress costume seeing clothes: tunic embroidery edges pockets sewn sleeves exact size sit boots completed thankfully knowing biana comparison changing subject ledge engineered catastrophe compartment revealing bottles label bottle whirlpool uncorked flung blast whipped faces roar churning ladies suggested worse gulped maelstrom beneath salty sprayed jump push count dignity drowning flailing idiot formed tunnel dipping weaving craziest waterslide starting launched vortex sponge licked toe pack kittens minus kitten sprang cushion smoothed wet incoming rocketed slightly squishy packed sand gleaming metropolis dome beyond soared skyline bathing radiating spires network canals interconnected arched bridges pictures venice modern clean despite bottom underwater muted hum background seashell ear build stores power precisely amount changes plated reflect firelight illuminate sink wandered shops renaissance fair women’s gowns shifted advertised two-for-one specials bottled lightning fast approval spyball applications strolled hybrid chicken-lizard invented main canal hailed carriages floating almond-shaped boat rows high-backed benches elbow-length steered bench reins skimming surface eight-foot-long scorpion deadly pincers reared curled sting eurypterid stroked shiny shell eurypterid’s slice emitting low hissing petted harmless carriage quinlin’s yours fiber mutant insect doom probed gritted pressing hideous sonden’s office thrashed heebie-jeebies commute while secure needs protection file highly classified business district windows tracing bearing names treasury registry interspeciesial services unreadable random strings runes nonsense writing

alphabet clueless chin jumble nah affected gap kid option country tests dropping member broad kelp ornamentation precise read: sonden: chief mentalist cube swiped elbow ping assurances humiliating bypassed receptionist dim damp stone desk dark-skinned chin-length seat ceremony unique understatement squirm handing lick dna unsanitary tiniest hologram center: rotating unearthly breathing prentice sacrificed double helixes sacrifice reasons fears hundred seventy-eight murmured began pacing invaded she’ll greatest keeper older midstep record share trained charge protecting currently hidden karaoke game sing off-key notes clearly eavesdropping strip slid winding stairway climbed oval footage brush projected chill aerial southern california lines circle area images deepened valleys ruled reflections note interrupting communicate waving warn turning overreacting glancing shuddered desperate kidnapper’s threatened easily implied nameless faceless entity quickly threatening authorities would’ve shivered accelerant chemicals leads lighting spilling oil blowing investigate council’s position here: takes visit babysitter decent equally spying steam secrecy existence discovered hoax search updated slight bypassing distracted evillooking matches keepers lagoon glint shimmery dunes lake west shore statue topped hollow iridescent film shimmered loop apparatus resemble bubble lifted clung shrieking levitate forming touching bubble’s rumble coming geyser shoot eleven crash below bobbed where’s scary pure joy popped whisked glaring gates flash strode olive contrast youth shone nerve summoning personal shorter intimidated difference sooner exiled clench fists backward tiergan aware opinion summoned convinced tiergan’s fierce crumbled crossing expert inventory widening whatever foxfire’s newest mentor puppy officially weirding becomes provide retired given persuaded return resentment mixture surprise hone assistance reasonable restrictions pretend opportunity silencing bet terrible mood mumbling mostly irresponsible manage choice benefit stares notify dame alina returning kept bruise meantime session listed remedial schedule lessons dummies correct assumption warmed tuesday brilliant panel everglen’s grounds sessions study student subjects one-on-one nerves one-onone succeed mention level grade relearning self-doubt heavier fragmented disappear explanation aside pleasant dis arguing overstuffed armchairs woman squealed snickered wife della pinched gesturing dear vanishers smiling musical hint della’s beauty tossed pursed heart-shaped parents’ combined gangly troll interceded borrow errands frumpy files requested denied request approve grady edaline case torn radiant parcels strobe unwrapped packages clasped cord neck choker pendant elf-y anytime fund’s activated fund register money standard dollars lusters laughing luster dollar crinkled ew insult afford differently limited seventy eighty makes sad curved window overlooking silvery floor-to-ceiling aquarium wingback facing piled books scrolls anxiety remind stacks newspapers circled crossed news removed drawer theories irritation super stuttered discuss faced solution allow ours they’ve effective immediately too-simple accept kick constant discovery longer unbearable loneliness friends grasping overwhelm areas access severely restricted dead deciding gravestones became vivid: grave tearstained draw suffer struck complicated relocated jobs erase tear obvious believing shutting function erased armchair scrubbed forbade sob occurred risking twenty alert plans clothes sees wiping focus bent unshed horrors cringed buried trembled bouncing busted eavesdrop grounded hugging worrying pouted pettiness bratty obnoxious pain-in-the-butt embrace struggles play daughters mouths senses hook hurry daze rememorize room: dusty available quilt mother tripped furry crouching releasing pathetic meow disk sleeping gas release drugging physically ill backpack slung giggled elizabeth clutching anywhere couch fingered ordering thirty crumpled burying recognize crouched smearing drool snot drugged sobs

overcame jerk washers bags regret bear slept finish hawaiian family’s limp determination taken fourteen cried assured stranglehold haunting gets hope personally oversee relocation flared wrung guardians title selected enthusiasm strangers elwin’s blue-crystaled temptation shiver raked bones orphan conservatory lead backyard security choosing saved ache suffering gift raise ended abandoned wipe elwin physician medical hate doctors brave regular nightmares brief stays struggled dragging direction drop free implying biana’s glare escape punch bathed gigantic glued cushioned cot syringe goes fidget spectacles scientist snapped painless orb flasher manipulate skilled orem vacker show eclipse biggest celebrations traditions damage permanent tensed food chance innocent cells dashing depending orbs squinting lenses stunningly lit dramatic expecting toxins research rifled satchel vials liquids major detox braced medicine syrups nectar unknown fruits tingly drink youth legends enzymes essential health refreshing downed contents gulp drank medicines list follow-up checkup whistled sometimes heated lame stinky stegosaurus shame horrified production wimp doctor phobia jumping needle strap bunch shots allergic how’d concrete nine-one-one unconscious genes kicking trigger bedroom canopied chandeliers room’s gotten deserve ruined chanting mantra shut pajamas tuck asleep belonging alive twenty-five catch breakfast clock shop furniture detoxes materializing clutched ghostly exotic heartbreaker fitted glamorous shopping explosion behold wardrobe outfits extras pick beat-up sparkly casual packing leaked days unpack hungry knotted sadly dampened preserve havenfield exciting jolie deny loss wonderful booming fenced-in pastures spread scrambled versions rehabilitation centers sanctuary protected trap nessie artist endangered gorillas lions mammoths extinct thriving herd woolly colonies saber-toothed tigers slack exists rob qualities provides thrive feeding hunt diet steep cliffs caves flower-lined using ropes lasso lizard neon beast protest drama queen husky male commanded beast’s heave feat twice snaarrll bucked guardian lunged tangled writhed losing balance verdi tyrannosaurus comments meeting jaculus winged serpent feeds support contain bloodsucking snake claws snout tremble lowering fangs glinted slobber motioning glimpse dinosaur-riding chiseled feather-covered james bond robin hood balding relate handsome feathery banged pet rub rex’s stayed docile unblinking separated verdi’s wound plugged slime death rot tuna fish combination kelpie dung bites jar swear edaline’s grady’s wary compared palatial estate mansion standards columns cupola roof entryway central upper floors cascaded ceiling wispy fabric turquoise amber curls similar circles fluff presentable rex picking playing rodeo cowboy nope wash staircase sadness lingered tea mallowmelt insist gooey cake fresh-baked chip soaked ice frosting butterscotch dripping hasty slices served nook grazing linens painted china homesick woken lushberry juice pop possessed conjurer form teleporting objects coolest unfortunately scraggly slurps burps letting friend’s ached grieve fished imparter simply strangled pounded reassuring deafening third star-shaped dangled glittery weaved carpet scent canopy occupied dressing bookshelves brightly volumes bathroom bathtub swimming biting awesome assumed jolie’s tour awkward delicious soupy pizza unpacking wrinkled scrapbook wherever welled remnants dried sixteen sunrise streaks blending mirror darken awake finishing hovered doorway interrupt riser shades clap bruises conjured bowl spoon banana bread tempted impose sloppy handwriting upside symbol corner: bird’s beak tickled babble scare extremely documents cipher moisture particularly believable prescribed drawn eager fidgeting ruffles simplest bought hi kesler groaned island mysterium identical mold vendors spices sweets buzzed crowded sidewalks working-class social rank ‘talent simpler correspondingly unfair born lesser lives type designed village avoiding whispers ruewen pretended different

store crooked nursery rhyme burps: merry apothecary belched maze shelves pills laboratory beakers bubbling burners rainbow-colored lab skinny tousled strawberry periwinkle blob tubes add amarallitine dex tongs vial experiment poured beaker sparked plume dirty gag concoction exclaimed hello ‘hello impersonation sludge eda scrap sheet kesler’s brother-in-law nephew practically monday al freaks dimples burped beanpole hooded cloak vika annoyance handiwork written girl’s bald scalp meanwhile stina ’cause twitched battling sell solutions sasquatch dent bony appendages children throttle hairoids stock week wailed ogre wicked misses responsible friendly rage here’s spat helping customers potent hat flinch useless buy countered retort stina’s oooh slammed fist timkin heks helps situation traditional absolutely brings stuffy nobles happier grinning mess tweak supplies armful worktable sneaky beard dex’s evil mortar pestle teach tingle attempt fifty-seven solo property collapse practiced checked displayed sliver percent chose he’ll hawk mentors monitor weakness expelled pushes transferred exillium swallowing bile mounting attack messy juline riveted gossip interruption interest hilarious bookshelf mounted cover camera summer flipping pages naked mouse suit disneyland dizznee photos honestly movies outlets flipped technology solar powered rifling sir conley’s luck lady galvin highest rate rig calming flooded seventeen gadgets chimes arrive uniform skirt leggings shirt-vest-cape combo laceup jerkin long-sleeved slacks waist-length superhero captain blueberry rescue meaning order demonstrate rid wimpy halcyon mastodons mascot birds storm mastodon ceremonies costumes glad idiots appealing crest triangle heart: scarlet eagle soaring talons chemistry equipment theirs adopting adoption adopt temporary enrollment manticore themselves parties dies span cope calmed orphans wylie whose recover connection blames wylie’s hanging leapmaster 500 lucky authorized 250 tons rotated five-story pyramid sharply angled u stained seventh amphitheater extensive fields grass hopelessly prodigies uniforms building’s finding ducked starts orientation principal reads announcements attendance collar track peal close-up stunning porcelain caramel-colored foremost whoever reekrod weekend mark punished fullest extent threat dangle continued detect ah spotlight hissed viper’s nest ssssssophie hole crawl concludes today’s nearest exception divided wing banners bore midflight halls quad throughout sparkling sapphire chatted doorways lining atrium spectacle creating marked rune locker mirrored lock uses gross faculty picks flavors pepper sneeze croak yelped stench rotten eggs dash diaper muskog wheezy snicker whirled towering mass frizzy cackling hags stalking hairs shave earth serum friday retorted raven swishing behavior phasers ashamed apologize obviously spend detention alexine stinks beet minions kinda frog fumes catching jensi rapid-fire speech talked buckets redder instructed honest ‘human girl’ ‘sophie’ whim elementalism pride backtracked twists turns drops warped wooden session’s zapped ‘zapped’ thunderclap eighteen tray electrocuted quiver conley hitting fluted botched sending tornado tornadoes mastering elements entering foods series stalls court mall recognizable eaten tables cafeteria whom discourage joining verge perceptible message clear: focusing bigger jensi’s acne braces fairly slicked greasy ponytails drooled setting bang c’mon dude unison ‘e’ duh drooly volunteered singed universe daunting exaggerated messing ‘dude’ killing explode cough pixielike rescuing tossing petite balled braids suicide overeager marella mare nicknames obeyed enemies honored pucker licorice lemon fan prettypants rather grumpy brat brother’s dreamy willpower copying sip looped defending dizznees triplets says ‘bad match’ genetically incompatible inferior aunt uncle superstrange celebrities famous vackers superimportant marella’s sympathy grandma heartbroken helpless veins hopeless cases guarantee scooping mammoth shudder awful afternoon feared astronomical

learning astin whispery complex maps planetarium effortless excelled hour survived approaching dragon hateful invited feelings letters: extinguished stuffing fill animosity deck ‘nice uncanny royal highness bothers remembers talented ‘deck beaming nineteen thursday disaster goal sandwiched colosseum pe vanity near door: sneakers ponytail owned ship slap reply lasted compare redek squish may fool stops idle threats grouped twos tromps manifested fifty-fifty manifesting mysterious remark required variable reign terror ‘everyone’ impressive jolt supervise caton titan god informed channeling supereasy channel parts body: heights speeds normally unimpressive attempts threes bumped defense appetite startled spaceship unremarkable studying superintently snapping scraping probing concept unsettling establish forcing eighty-seven puckered brow assume cheerful scraped intended drained steadying suggest ethics attached meganeura exercise annoy fidgeted cocked wanna buzzing dived vulture-size dragonflies patted freaky-looking bug blown gargantuan proportions creepiest disco balls grown monster enclosure phys ed intense emergency weirdest part: proven trustworthy receive assignments lectured responsibility detecting discover elite avoided mesmer nauseated wow sheesh inflicting curiosity won causes dara lecture: pyramids tidal army hairy hollowing himalayas strangest mumble creeped exile interested dying supertalented fundamental guilty underground eternity ruin fluke churned abandoning illegal washer alter dump brother secluded sorted reminding effort flavored flumes spritzed shove disturbing failing smirked alchemy pupil encouraging cracking melody ominous ingredients trophies gilded items pointy-toed suspiciously midas milky liquid dancing rushing rustle red-brown updo hunter silky decorated patterns swished slightest alkahest universal solvent stored itself dissolves wood flesh taxes substance alchemist wise teaching masters tincture poultice basic serums yellowed box flask jars iron transmuting metals recipe formula labeled instructions fiddled rechecked mistakes plunged whip fizzed rumbled jelly galvin’s exquisite dissolved luxurious damaged salvage welt healing ma’am murder retrieve afterward muttering incompetence flunk sprawled hallways stark ditching keefe gulon disheveled untucked popular belva crush blame 90 certain paid accidentally cue epic alina’s ugly crying treated whiter phobia consisted rooms: treatment beds brewing physician’s paperwork slinky scurried bullhorn demented ferret banshee adorable fellow dramatically wanting seize mmm-hmm acid mimed effects destroyed salve measured whap wash present laughs clarification confirming twenty-one embellished version destruction joked bottling anwen multispeciesial 324 faxon metaphysics complimented requests brown-eye create overnight granted incredibly challenging explosions occurrence unlearn lifetime knowledge levitating rainbows constantly messed highlight skill effortlessly amazed unwanted transmit else’s psychic photograph needing patient plague suspicion snotty maruca i-hate-sophiefoster club reaching growl jealous prettiest bedlam subdue chasing rabbits antlers swinging trunk lump verminion pen boosted mammoth’s trumpeted earthshaking squeal ringing mound timid twig hiiiissssssssssss uncurled rodent bulging hamsters rottweiler-size hamsterzilla trample japanese hamster cooed snaarrrlll impressed chase steer dashed catches fifty stupidest clod mud nailed grooowwwwllll fatal flaw pinned grunted press snarling squeeze verminion’s unlocked assortment spewed whined pile gloves shed trade trudged oversize squirrels rats identify burlap sack quivering snarl steeled shriek batlike heaved wool scratches leg outbuildings carefully organized veterinarian’s laid sterile spreading limbs smeared eyedropper dripped creature’s rewarded squeaky rumbling crackly purr smiles cage barrel soapy chain-sawesque snores vibrating brattail tuber sausage imp guessed six-inch venomous stings snoring vicious describing tame yetis outnumbered conked chipper iggy strand swell

generous hugs touches gestures glistened dubious trails twenty-two sharing congested warthog roommate snuggly sleepless spoil caring ultimate splotching championship sacks cheered sympathetic secretly celebrating partnered naturally teamed splotcher splattered loses winners person wins marks smugly win splotch splat deserved colorful prize contest pardon hopes wonderboy gagging rounds beat opponent knots backing aim ow raw telekinetic flushed compliment disqualifies pumped victory hotter cheering opponents experience duel beginner’s talents mighty competition grumblings battle odds experienced evidently four: sixes trella dempsey paired hopeful muster bested winner fluttered appears competitors betraying butt preference keefe’s chant ladies’ float clenched adrenaline surged audience back-up splotches rebound phenomenon weightless collided simultaneous fate collapsed twenty-three placing compress wincing muscle injured whermiwhahapped worse: laying banshees mortal danger stirred lucid winced stiff glands zinged collected rebounded bounce specialized hammered controls actual mix matched draining practice evenly awfully sidelines wobbling auditorium applause teensy annoyed copied blushing elbowing ribs tie protested declared excused lesson rejoin splotchers acted delivered p congratulations confirm bath lathering bathers soggy instinctively besides creased drive twenty-four meter one-third younger that’d wonderboy’s precious midterms score seventy-five recommend nissa tutoring consider tutor projection gagged flavor yell daily tore prattle chewy caramel peanut butter pouch cracker jack horse mane prattles’ unicorn pins collection examined digital 122 185 number eighty-five super-rare bitterness vaguely compute unexpected development century too-little-too-late branch other’s replaced beeline simultaneously sniff aw stuck-up snob wasted invite humiliate walking ambush capable teeniest details clanged cricket chirped embroidered satin sash wringing exhaled seeming makeovers wrestling polite fortunately braid flutter dirt pitter-patter eh sayin’ shooting quest grateful team jealousy guarded raid questers tagged sentry tabs isolate general nail targets listened softer instantly presence tremendous connected forest thundered vision racked credible crashing bushes partner deceive insists hasn’t secrets toes staying chain apologizing visitors sulking funk snipe wagged there’ve weekly jokes havenfield’s defied exams panicking passing guide narrowing shipped exam brass copper transmutations ideas challenges thwarted spilled gashrooms reek pored frozen cause shattering cheated accomplished cheat ideal dreading twenty-six tri-angular apex streamed pane angle reflection examining confessed forgave neutral violated ethical regulations expulsion suggesting argument ruling obey flourish bother violating reporting stifle closely icily respect authority advises wedding flapped nor pointless cheating tolerated huffed regrets confess serve minimum assigning becoming theme slipping unnoticed what’d gloomy atmosphere desks thumbs-up siren song appreciation art nature clapping earsplittingly shrill whine whale nails chalkboard toddler uncover broadening horizons claiming repentant company brand torture ballroom belva’s sirens dances edwardian claimed valin ponytailed promenade dancers valin’s sweaty chime stars shined brighter spit wickedly slobbery octaves fanned hmm irritated flattered scored points empathy forked smirk ironing holes stack detained increased practicing leaps eyebrow empaths powerful mundane purification vein easiest transmutation lockers traded twenty-seven banging annoyingly caps disqualified chorus groans nonstop cap smurf amalgam telepathic integrity wrote essay betrayal over debate automatic 100 last-minute mentally repeating tips negative vibes stress ethic claim fame skipped skip supportive doubting brag mercifully stalled magenta berries rusty discipline chosen purify ruckleberries fifty-five nasty impurities elderly human’s alchemists methods dive knife pierced berry dribbled pinky haggard glacial quarters

deducted mediocre performance forth whirlwind crack exhausted brutal slamming slumped that’ll public hooks presents spine cards schools hassle babysitters edged obstacle tugging stressing rigid suitable gifts jewelry charms charm twenty-eight unrecognizable streamers shrub toilet-papered tinsel confetti bubbles prizes popping appointment teal-wrapped package uglier hurrying plowing regain literally prying trademark smirks spoken sapphire-encrusted navy-blue intently hairstyle contrasted pristine infamous deflated wilted father’s oily insincerity resigned flame cassius lord performing unremarkably radiated apologies fos er disappointing scores fake critical said: creeps prize-filled prattles dwarf lollipop topple snappy comeback comment loser fails organize overflowing half-empty month misunderstanding shushed slim parcel chiming signaled parent-mentor conferences celebration feast unwrap snatching self ‘dear dance sometime vice president boyfriend rattled reader tease ribbon tapped gadget fingernail speaker thingies coloring dunno disbelief variety edible glosses speckled spider snapper plant fed spiders riddler writes riddle miniature violet thanked showing misty seventy-nine improvement range sensing tomato congratulated comfort sobbing partying included sneer party note: f snap k sugarplums boy-craziness necklace cuffs wristbands vanisher platter customs gelled perfection gym ornate immaculate alvar talks often rumpling fizzleberry wine juggling girlfriends hero beamed piddly quicksnuff emissaries tend conspiracy possibility myself pieced undivided swan’s curve pattern term replied active recently unauthorized investigation frustration twenty-nine alternate spending smelling clues accomplish consumed trapped counting resumed vacation finals received eighty-one eighty-three unacceptable prepared chorused poufy thrown towel drooped oven roasted frosters transmitting charts transmitted peed suffered rested cryokinetics freeze manipulating pyrokinesis mesmers inflictors monitored pyrokinetics inflict fire’s unpredictable truly forbidding pyrokinetic library surely three’s librarian banned archives libraries bust problem: section dire wolves peek promising bins mountain littered haphazardly spaces scan unrolled flip papers helpful lacy dulled childhood: strung lanyards dolls framed bone picture: breathtaking tragedy drinking leftover junk trunks piles unopened bin disturbed murky midterm roll scroll shelf sample starlight moonglade: fireflies flickering stellarscope upside-down spyglass view’s billions wad tag amaranthis memorized fourth lambentine bag spout wider scope knobs cluster dials stiffened lever thumb clinked rubini orroro azulejo cobretola indigeen scratching spectrum rearranged indigo zelenie isolated this’ll bluff scrounging elementine adjusting fidgety hummed shining teared welts frantic thirty-one blackish-purple blisters pot burns sprinkled powder adventure soaking numbs balm miserably regulate temperature palace crown nicer handful roots mutilating blades destroying bashing stubbornness reappeared ointment knelt furrowed fingertip rags longest hottest soapiest griffins discreetly boring-looking firecatching bode bundle solid downright incoherently darkly quintessence fifth element myth truest conditions blow metallic-toned bronze wildly flamed audible unmapped locations merit thirty-two platform thrones remotely procedure involving throne cushions tourmaline sturdy polished dotted onyx heard: clarette velia terik liora emery ramira darek noland zarina flicked mere evacuated three-thousand-year task undisclosed location trial salivating convict straighter dozen marched stationed bodyguards swordlike weapons belts fanfare blasted crowned amateurs seated sapphires shall world’s ungraceful consuming detector fuzzy lying endlessly jell-o hobbled astin’s honesty assigned emery’s argento auriferria pennisi merkariron styggis achromian slower plotting map cowering submit lists convenient judgment frightening hardened remained expressionless mediates telepathically consensus united aspirin unanimous

rise violates actions intentional accountable foster’s involvement addressing agreement millionth wished exchanged dimpling kiddo thirty-three banks sienna bark paintbrushes purfoliage palmae calls pures filter pollution freshest crispest tinge fuzzed hesitation observant instruction lurched sunset farthest councillors’ steadied emerald-encrusted circlet bowed pleasing honor beg refuse descryer response delightfully potential clamoring backfired speaks beginning optional 327 sensed crane sweeping peacock log dream softly regularly useful one-armed fiancé’s projecting vividly replace album dinner’s stroke retracted apology hurting tricks arches replica model thirty-four planted curl plotted page difficulties rivaled protect quieted los angeles hollywood trash conspicuous spider-man batman posed mann’s chinese theatre blended beams issued ‘forgot’ oblivious ourselves stubborn softened unwillingly seeped ‘got of’ ant pavement explore warring hurried consequences captured pleaded mercy prentice’s behalf oversaw shatters society metaphor insurgents rebellion kindest whatever’s decisions encouragement revelations ability-detecting exercises cornered superbusy insistent significant elf-ish onetime played envy tracked master tracking switch spots conspiracies investigating headway ignorance ever: permanently jarred conservation legitimate scientific principle nagging elixir nogginease limbium mineral supposedly resisted bike wheels giddy week’s supply unnaturally syrup absorb nauseating unfastening vest skin’s collapsing allergy dimmed cradling thirty-five fluttered chafed sandpaper wildhaired soothed sensations spectators cleaned vomit upright moaned allergies wits bullhorn’s trite soiled airtight vomiting swollen blotch-free humiliated undershirt noticeably absent dazzling alvar’s raptor disgusting decade spare injected steroids tied budge scolded showers heels crisis ushered deathly tough disasters blankly rests brothy soup elsewhere shadowy comforting yawn snuggled thirty-six squealing hundreds eagle-size pterodactyl somersaulted screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech stability rein speed momentum gained screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech torch pasture dispersed uncannily fried engulfed birdbath sparks jerking possess flareadon fire-resistant replay triggered animal’s cares octave higher killed resting flareadons volcanoes occur gildie strayed ‘flareadon female correcting wade debacle breaks wrestled socks shredded apparent vague emotion animals’ distances qualified lightened results defined iggy’s gildie’s paw tummy reward downy fury paled out-of-breath aura recoiling imperative vital violate risk humiliation fled her: cooperate freezing peered railing partial drifted bars errand thirty-seven mush nights begging blend processing forgetting tearing fluorescent locker: insider’s librarian’s timing shoe absolute librarians plastered sinking confirmed dog-ear chapter everblaze: unstoppable blind thirty-eight paper-strewn something’s ‘everblaze frissyn x stands detailed extinguish overruled excluded unheard indecision warred babies hatch extract unregistered code name: egg cast conventional purpose determine pregnant fertility posing implanted embryo manipulated outstanding retain discovering affects genetic anomaly renegades weapon ‘prodigy illegally forgiving messages suffocating choke word: controlled puppet issue triggers twilight proudly soothe facade crumble table: throaty fix drove wedge messenger delivering seal reseal rampaging limits chaise skimmed bead luminous nonluminous generated lumenite drilled clarify rip grubby paws riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip chunk possession skittered treasure retrieving tattered assess rug glue document accordance canceled thirty-nine heartbeat scrubbing choked-back muffle misery acknowledge gaping owe regardless charade  obeying command churn yeti ricocheted ooooookaaaaaaay slinking acknowledging attempting library-appropriate slothlike triple-check echoing phew scrutiny shrug candleshade overhead clipping playlist jarring numbness bass mature speakers bands sarcastic tune swirled seeping cracks triumphed

tiptoed rustled creaked padding crawling lonely forgive forty cheer stricken envelope headline: claims victims scrawl announcement corridor stark-white gulps sneaking suggestions weigh resolve admirer flood applying replacement heal eased uncertainty brothers recent discoveries recording spy undetected textbook dreaded licensed pathfinders restriction threatens ‘everblaze’ accusation fintan pricked balefire fintan’s requires fuel supported cosmic ‘fire ignite conclusive example surveillance ruining depths former dealing approved overrule objection trusted phantom rebels snatched emissary citizen confidential duly noted digging forty-one partly imprisoned sorting reminders pity tension distant lately preparing prejudice megacrush cave commands successful method unwrapping names: connor kate natalie freeman apply permit huddled thinner echoes evacuee note’s unquenchable abandon supporter afar forty-two stashed drawers ‘you threaten chaperone global dumped significance supplied clothing resistant fly willful punish facets stagger hills screeched tying pried displays seals survival glinting corneas swoop thickest raspy coughs locate singeing shift current overcome coughing inferno ouch thrashing clouded watery beads capped treats paced treating scorched angrier contorted squatted pee severe scalding plunked sticky-sweet healthy grim balled-up yelling homes camped affairs mesmerized desperation launching steal dumping tenderness justified reacts offer unintelligible agreeing concerns forty-three relatively illness actress w-what admitting lifeless freaky dumber connections traitorous resisting grasp peace decency furball storm’s appropriate cliff reveling shard clatter soothing relishing pulverized smithereens boulder violent frightened irrational fallen possibly smothered meaty cloaked swooped sickeningly nostrils sedative cursed rallied scuffle scuttled captor circulation rasped viselike lolled rescued forty-four bonds staging unfortunate complication fog scrambling muddled funerals pendants vise sweetness blackness necessary loomed constricted heaving choking gruff hyperventilating suffocates coated hacking nods croaked relocate stolen grunt syllable drugs mist strapped bound shivers eerie breathy wheeze venom trail gumption predicament footfalls disposed disappearance guts throb ignorant cackle toy reserve widen contorting poison ple clarity struggle overwhelming happiness rocked jostling rescuer foggy occasionally elevator altitude delirium parted flimsy fumbling promises caress weary forty-five searing heightened awareness sensory overload barrage cigarette butts alley surveying hideout interrogation kidnappers scoured alexandre desperately operates anyone’s him: upcoming rounded apologized broom peeking roofs yards landmark eiffel gaped graceful paris france french indian saris currency exchange robbing bank machine atm watches account measures ‘make work’ cameras covering buttons alarm bills robbed technopath froster internet café sandwiches cheese once-living boxy computers navigated web browser googled number-one result pont iii bridge seine lanterns shopkeeper sped excitement decorations horizon lamp nexuses lasts mathematics applied dawn forty-six melder stun evening strolls cloaks leader obscurer bends distortion coil rope goons goon pathways underestimate wire enhanced wishful swirl severing rapid duck whizzed seizure dusted flailed gurgling blank forefinger crescent shaped jagged cowl stumble scarred heft frenzy hatred writhing strengthened pumping pulse heavyset figure’s hideouts options battering crushed nearing tug-of-war lessened allowing glorious drift fading surrendered mind’s imagination funeral weariness overtaking hazy snow labored conscious sparkle freedom sweep forty-seven brightness peaceful wove persisted appeal surge newfound pooled aches splintered clearer enveloped strawberry-blond-haired numbing sedated tingles luxuriating gulping wetness numb shhh sniffled recognizing propped girly seasons faltered proves meaningful floppy snickers emergencies conversations flirting scratch

blasts streaking injuries concentration’s cell half-drained gaunt fleeing canceling flitted nuzzling scratched there’d yawned lights forty-eight covers washed sandor goblin bodyguard inflictor paralysis semiconscious incapacitated dormant trauma latent polyglot languages advance interrogated sandor’s bunny seven-foot-tall buffed-out overtime blindfolded seared monitoring proved arrested custody awaiting deaths tragic innocence error motivate condemning madness reluctance single-handedly now’s crescent-shaped recalled epiphany overweight swells digest explains operative guarding subliminal advantage activate developed who’ll address database detectives arson reigned supreme wisest greater questioned decades measure influential amok globe rejected imprison devastated uprooted supporters initiative resign outspoken recruited activity satisfied handled poorly kidnapped prisoner resolved disposal stamped justice voiced revenge birthday birthdays indefinite spans thirteen-year-old crushes plots rebellions grown-ups understands teenager accepted bargain relented insisting uncertain responding arrange forty-nine pedestal charges bylaws sub-bylaws committed transgressions minor tortured regal express safely accused drafting addressed firmly murmurs debated arguments raging attitude disrespectful rebellious overlooked gratitude however static rulers experiences inappropriate assign ‘already served’ sang admission din bursting provisional basis due aforementioned cannot proceed suggestion issues seats smoothing occasion fancier signaling require records indicate provided remain appreciated despised gladly nicely dipped textbooks someday squash toughest earn deserves murderous successfully fingering justifiably displeasure smirking retake propose alternative state events revealed therefore practical prudent career prospects shifting internal logical volatile qualifies majority erupting directing registered cuddly earned oneon-one immediate tangle concluded gathered twirling nudging trades sidestepped congratulate surviving multiple tribunals swirls diamonds feminine unlatch decides woven triply journey

#kotlc

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 70 – American Psycho by Brett Easton Ellis

I’m honestly not sure I ever would have gotten around to reading this on my own, but ended up buying it through the ‘blind date with a book’ thing a bookstore in New York was doing when I was visiting (incredible gimmick, for the record). The fact that it then took me a solid three months to actually finish probably tells you something about how genuinely difficult a read I found it. Not in the sense of being bad, but just legitimately difficult to stomach at points. Overall I’d call it a real triumph of literature.

Not that anyone doesn’t already know, but; the book is spent inside the head of Patrick Bateman, high-flying wall street trader and Harvard blueblood at the close of the Reagan era. Also a serial killer. The story is told as a series of more or less disconnected vignettes, jumping from dinner conversations at one exclusive bar or club or another to the brutal torture and murder of a sex worker to several pages of incredibly vapid pontification on Nina Simone’s discography. The story vaguely tracks Bateman growing ever-more alienated and out of control as the year goes on, but there’s very much not any real single narrative or cathartic climax here. - most stuff just happens (stuff that’s either incredibly tedious or utterly nauseating by turns but still just, stuff).

So yeah this is an intensely literary work (obviously), a word I’m here using to mean one that is as much about the form and style of the writing as about the actual events portrayed. Bateman is a monster, but more than that he’s just an utterly boring and tedious husk of a man, traits which are exaggerated to the point of being fascinating– if you told this story in conventional third person narration without all the weird asides, it would be a) like half as long and b) totally worthless. The tonal whiplash of going from an incredibly visceral depiction of Bateman cutting out the eyes of a homeless man to six (utterly insipid) pages on the merits of The Doors is the selling point here (well actually I think Ellis goes back to that specific well probably one time too many, but in general I mean).

Bateman is a tedious, unstable monster, but as far as the book has an obvious thesis it’s that he differs from the rest of his social milieu only in degree. A symptom of a fundamentally rotten society, not a heroic devil among sheep. The book’s climax, such as it is, involved Bateman getting into a drug-fueled gunfight with the NYPD, shooting multiple people in the middle of the street, and then stumbling home and leaving a rambling confession to every crime on his lawyer’s answering machine – but despite very clearly wanting and trying to get caught and face some sort of consequence or justice, people just refuse to believe that someone like him is capable of anything like that. (It’s not, it must be said, an especially subtle book).

There is, as far as I can recall, not a single character who gets enough screentime to give an idea of their personality who I’d call likeable. Sympathetic, sure, but that’s mostly because it’s pretty much impossible not to sympathize with someone getting horrifically tortured and torn apart (at one point a starving rat is involved). The upper crust of New York yuppie-dom is portrayed as shallow and vapid, casually bigoted towards quite literally everyone who isn’t identical to them, status-obsessed to the point of only being able to understand the world as a collection of markers of class and coolness, and totally incapable of real human connection. Bateman is a monster not because of any freak abnormality, but just because he takes all of that a few steps further than his coworkers.

The book is totally serious and straight-faced in its presentation, and absolutely never acknowledges any of the running gags that are kept up through it. Which shows impressive restraint, and also means that none of them exactly have a payoff or a punchline – it’s just a feature of the world that all the expensive meals at trendy restaurants everyone competes for tables at sound disgusting when you think about them for a moment, or that the whole class of wall street trader guy are so entirely interchangeable that ostensible close friends and coworkers constantly mistake each other for other traders and no one particularly cares. Or – and I’m taking this on faith because fuck knows I’ve got no idea what any of the brands people are wearing are – that the ruinously expensive outfits everyone spends so very much time and money on for every engagement all clash comically if you actually looked up what the different pieces looked like. The book’s in no way really a comedy, so the jokes sit a bit oddly, but they’re still overall pretty funny, at least to me.

I like to think I have something of a strong stomach for unpleasant material in books, but this was the first work of fiction that I had genuine trouble reading for content reasons in I can’t even remember. I’m not sure it’s exactly right to call the violence pornographic in a general sense, but as far as American Psycho goes the register and tone Bateman uses to describe fucking a woman and torturing her to death are basically identical (and told in similarly explicit detail), and all of Bateman’s sexual fantasies are more or less explicitly just porn scenes he wants to recreate, so. Regardless, the result’s pretty alienating in both cases – his internal monologue never really feels anything but detached and almost bored as he relays what he does, sound exactly as vapid and alienated as when he is carefully listing the exact brands and designers every person he ever interacts with is wearing at all times, or arguing over dinner reservations for hours on end with his friends and lovers (though both those terms probably deserve heavy airquotes around them). He legitimately sounds considerably more engaged when talking about arguing over sartorial etiquette. It all adds up to a really strong alienating effect.

Anyways, speaking of sex and violence – perhaps because my main exposure to the story before this was tumblr making memes out of scenes from the movie, but I was pretty shocked by just how explicitly awful Patrick is ‘on screen’. The horrible murder, sure, but also just the casual and frequent use of racist and homophobic slurs, the pathological misogyny, the total breakdown he has at the idea of a gay man being attracted to him and thinking he might reciprocate – all of these are entirely in character for an asshole Wall Street ‘80s Guy even if he wasn’t a serial killer, but it’s still oddly shocking at first to see it so thoroughly represented on the page. It makes how comparatively soft-pedaled the bigotry and just, awfulness, of villains in a lot of more modern books stand out a lot more, I suppose? I have read a lot of books that are in some sense About queerness and/or racism in the last year, and no one in any of them holds a candle to good old Patrick Bateman.

Part of that is just the book being so intensely of its time, I suppose. The New York of this book is very much one of the late ‘80s, incredible wealth living side by side with social rot and decay, crippling poverty everywhere and a society that has to a great degree just stopped caring. Absolutely none of which Bateman or any of his peers care one bit about, of course – they’re too busy showing off the latest walkmans and record players, going to the newest clubs, and just generally enjoying all the fruits of Reagan’s America. Recent history has made the fact that Bateman’s personal idol is Donald Trump almost too on the nose to be interesting, but in 1991 I’m sure it was a bit more subtle in how telling it was.

Anyway, yeah, horrifying and exhausting read, triumph of literature, my god did Easton Ellis hate America (this is a compliment). Now time to go watch the movie!

#book review #literature #american psycho #brett easton ellis

[olderthannetfic]

I always see people who have never been antis, talking about/questioning how some antis even ARE antis when you look at their taste in media - ie the ever famous joke of "Hannigram is #problematique" "but it's a show where he eats people" or whatever.

I thought I'd weigh in as someone who could, hypothetically, be called an ex-anti (which, thankfully, nothing ever really came out of it - it was just very 2014 keyboardwarrior-esque behavior of me being a chronically online young adult who would share posts in a group chat making fun of certain shippers, or reblog posts about how 50shades is The Most Problematic Media Ever to exist -- basically I was an anti with anti-lines of thoughts, but i never, like, a ran a Shipping Discourse Blog or whatever)

For me, personally, it was a few different things. I can now see how it's incredibly hypocritical that teenaged me shipped Light/L, while still thinking that Dramione was Bad And Abusive. It ultimately boiled down to a) being pretentious, and b) just not understanding media or what proshippers REALLY believed, with a side of c) not realizing that nuance exists. like i was pretty late to join tumblr, I think I immigrated here during PEAK "yourfaveisproblematic" era which definitely did have an impact on my opinions and my tastes.

to elaborate, a.) being pretentious. i mean this one just kinda goes without saying. "I engage in media in a way more intellectual way than you do, don't you know that? You're a filthy and disgusting person who writes Snape/Hermione because you're an actually disgusting pedophile IRL who would probably date your own student that you're abusing if you could. Meanwhile, I'm a very smart, good, and pure person. When I read Uncle Vernon/Harry, I'm doing it in a G-d honoring whump way that clearly condemns abuse, incest, and rape. Unlike YOU who only writes harmful stuff as a way to get people off :/"

(as an aside, i think this line of thinking will ALWAYS be present in fandom and popculture in some way, sadly. ie the recent trend of people hating on booktok bc the books are 'trashy' and how these porn addicts should read real classic literature instead.)

as for b.), not understanding media - i cannot emphasize enough that i was GENUINELY stupid and disconnected enough to think that proshippers REALLY WERE pro-All Of The Degenerate Dead Doves That They Wrote.

why did i feel this way? why did i understand that Lolita clearly isnt pro-pedophilia, but for some reason i thought that someone shipping weecest was? well, first of all, i think that fanfiction is (generally) seen as Less Serious than classic literature, and fandom is a fun place, so i guess i somehow thought that every fanfic/fanartist who wrote Problematic Things, especially Problematic Things that they portrayed as Sexy, really DID enjoy the thought of that Actually Happening To Real People.

and i think THIS is the bulk of why antis ARE antis. i'm not calling them all stupid - i do think BEING an anti is stupid, but at the same time, there are people who are truly smart and good-intended people who just have some really off color opinions about, like, homestuck ships or whatever. Lawlight is okay because notebooks that kill people don't exist so it's IMPOSSIBLE for the Harmful Aspects of Light/L to be romanticized! but schoolyard prejudiced bullies DO exist and are a REAL problem so Drarry is BAD (*truly completely unaware of the fact that there's 'realistic' aspects of the Light/L dynamic and 'unrealistic' aspects of Drarry - such as, for example, Hogwarts arguably being even MORE of a fantasy setting than DN is.*) I know that media literacy is the hot buzzword of the year to throw around in 2024, but, like, i really did not have media literacy.

as for c.), not realizing nuance exists - ok "nuance" might not be the best word here, but i dont know how else to describe it. like, each time ive typed the word "problematic" out in this ask, i've done so in a very tongue in cheek/ironic/retroactive way, but, like, those posts about how Everything Is Problematic, Including Your Fave ARE true. and i didn't like the fact that my favorite media or favorite person might've Made A Mistake! i need to Talk About Its Issues Because I'm So Betrayed That My Dear Sweet Comfort Media Would Do This To Me. I Need To Prove I Clearly Condemn It.

like, i legit morally could not justify reblogging a twilight post without adding in the tags '#this is my guilty pleasure it sucks that the books were so racist though' or whatever. Most people were lucky enough to avoid that line of thinking, but there was an actual group of people who felt a genuine need to virtue signal all the time, partly bc, hey, they WERE passionate about talking abt #issues in media, but also bc of a subconscious fear of If You Reblog A Singular Piece Of Hetalia Fanart, You're Literally A Nazi And Will Get A Callout Post Written About You.

and during all of this i was at the tail end of my high school experience (yes i know im younger than most of your audience, ha). i was going through A Lot emotionally, going through a lot of life changes, and lived in a very . . . interesting household/place where i couldn't do ACTUAL good in the world that i was passionate about. so to make up for the fact that i was genuinely in no place to do legit activism, clearly i had to save the gay community by arguing about johnlock queerbaiting or whatever.

^ and honestly i do think that is the position of most antis. theyre isolated and cant seem to do Enough in the Real Scary World so they have to resort to talking about how bad of a person someone is for "shipping abuse", bc theyre not in a situation where they could, for example, ACTUALLY fight the good fight to end abuse or raise awareness for it.

There was way more to it and way more that I could say, if I wanted to, but this post is long enough as it is and probably doesn't make much sense.

I feel bad for antis, honestly, or at least the ones who are antis in the way I used to be.

--

Oh yes, passionate young fools who think they can at least fix the internet if not their lives make up most of the cannon fodder. Some of the ringleaders are just mini dictators and wannabe cult leaders, but most anti-leaning types are just traumatized or clueless, even a lot of the ones who do serious damage and don't just mock shit in private with their friends.

[stardew-requests]

could you do some bachelor and/or bachelorettes with an insecure female farmer? if not thats totally cool!

Here are some hcs for the bachelorettes!

Abigail: Abigail's no stranger to feeling insecure. She'll try to hide it, she really will, but she can't help but ask "Do you still love me?" every other night. The farmer will just chuckle and reply "Of course I do. Do you still love me?". To which Abigail would respond with a kiss and say "Duh". It's nice knowing that you're on the same page with her and knowing that insecurities are never an obstacle between you. If anything, it brings you closer together.

Emily: She isn't especially vocal with her feelings; she prefers to let actions speak for themselves. But when your love language is words of affirmation, it's easy to get in your head. Emily is very intuitive and knows when you're feeling insecure, and she steps right up to shower you in love and attention without you even having to say anything. For her, it's easy to forget that actions don't always speak louder than words, but she's always more than willing to give you the reassurance you need. Because you deserve to hear it.

Haley: She used to eat insecure people for breakfast. She's never been one to be insecure... Until you. Wondering if she even deserved you, worried you secretly resent her for how rude she'd been when you first met. So when you're feeling insecure, she's baffled by it. How could you feel insecure when you're so amazing? But you tell her how you feel and she listens intently, and then she understands. Because she feels the same way at times. She tells you that you never have anything to worry about, that she adores you above anything else, and that you're always welcome to talk to her about it, so long as she can do the same.

Leah: Leah does a really good job at expressing her feelings for you, but sometimes you feel insecure anyway. And that's okay! Because she takes it as a queue to go all out for you! Maybe paint you something special or plan a sweet date together. She sees it as a challenge, and you know what? She always wins. 

Maru: While romantic in her own right, Maru can be a little out of touch. When she gets caught up in her work, she tends to disconnect from everything else. She certainly doesn't mean to. But when she gets distant, it's easy to feel insecure. The best thing to do is just go up to her and say "I need more attention, I've been feeling insecure". Bluntness is key. Immediately she'll snap out of it and being to apologize. She didn't mean to make you feel that way! She wants to do everything she can to make you feel loved!

Penny: For every time you've felt insecure, trust me, Penny's felt that tenfold. She doesn't like show it, but she often worries that you've changed your mind about her or that you're losing feelings for her. While she's determined to keep it inside, it can be coaxed out of her if you start the conversation. If you tell her about your insecurities, she'll eventually tear up and begin to pour out her worries to you. By the end, you both were able to bring up your insecurities and have the other reassure you with softness and love.

#stardew valley #stardew valley headcanons #sdv hcs #sdv bachelorettes #sdv abigail #sdv emily #sdv haley #sdv leah #sdv maru #sdv penny #sdv x farmer #sdv x reader #stardew valley ask blog #sdv ask blog

[sonicexelle-junkary]

I think I might have a theory on what chaos wants.

For a hivemind the “victims” have reasonable body and mental autonomy, so what ever its plan is it’s not the complete domination over individualism.

It is how ever easily enraged by nearby unlinked individuals. This might be because it able to detect/discern the states of sapient life around it, leading to a stimuli overload.

Thus I think it trying to harmonise the many different thoughts it’s able to understand into a stable collective. It’s not evil, it’s not able to full grasp the individual mind scape. Thinking the fighting and hurting comes from the same pain it feels from so many disconnected minds.

Well, you aren’t entirely wrong with your theory. But I think there are some things to be clear about it.

The Master Emerald isn’t exactly good or misunderstood, but it’s not inherently evil either. It’s not even like an “animalistic urge” like how The Rot acts.

It does want to “harmonize” people, but not because of world peace or anything like that. It’s more of, for a lack of better words, because it wants to. It is curious of people, and thinks is “amusing” how easy it is to fuck with their minds and bodies.

Though the affected people are part of a hive mind, they only get “enraged” because of how annoyingly persistent others are at keeping their individuality. Especially ones like Knuckles and Shadow, who would go to the absolute extreme, hence the annoyance.

There is another added reason as to why it wants to do this, and why the affected aren’t trying to protect themselves from bodily harm after assimilation, and why bigger wounds cause bigger crystals.

But that’s for another time. I have some kinks to work out before I’m able to tell you all that.

#inbox #sonic horror au #chaos fever

[sepublic]

            I really love this bit where Vee can’t help but blurt out her amazement over Willow, Gus, and Amity’s synchronization here, while also clearly missing out on the complicated history behind them. You really get the sense that Vee is a bit anxious about being an outsider to the Hexsquad’s dynamic, a borderline intruder; Which just about tracks, her own existence is technically unnatural (Vee does not yet know Hunter is a Grimwalker).

         Basilisks are feared by witches, and Vee is not one, when even Luz (who admitted to a harsh encounter with Vee’s sister) and Hunter qualify. Vee’s been ostracized as an other by the Emperor’s Coven, and she’s had to essentially infiltrate human society by literally masking, so there’s probably a bit of impostor syndrome there.

         Like her sister Luz, there’s that anxiety that Vee is an Other who doesn’t really belong anywhere, and is only pretending to fit in, but eventually she’ll be outed. And with Luz taking back her identity, that means Vee had to lose what friends she did make in the human realm, and possibly watch as Luz inevitably drifted away from them due to her own trauma and lack of history. And Vee is reminded of what she’s lost after reuniting with Masha, just moments before! So Vee really wants to embrace the Hexsquad as her new friends, but does she belong?

         Sure, Hunter hasn’t been part of the group for long either by the time Vee joined, and Luz was likely explaining Vee to her friends before Willow and Gus even met him. But from Vee’s perspective, all of these kids showed up together, with Gus huddling under Hunter’s arm in explicit trust. Vee must represent something scary to them, and/or an unfamiliar world they don’t belong in, so surely Vee doesn’t belong with them either! Vee understands Spanish at the start of the episode, in contrast to the other members of the Hexsquad.

         Given basilisks excel at disguises and Vee’s own past, it tracks that she’s figured out how to be quietly observant, not giving herself away, as Vee quickly picks up a lot of things she’s not privy to and the unspoken words exchanged between others. So in addition to the Reality Check camp, Vee could blend in with the human realm. But it’s tricky to just outright ask and admit her disconnect, hence why Vee doesn’t know how complicated things were between Willow and Amity especially; So when Vee does make an assumption about their bond, it’s a leap that betrays she isn’t in the know, rather than hiding this fact.

        So the uncertain, tentatively hopeful way Vee asks for another photo, after being corrected and making the situation awkward? Like she’s hoping they’ll forgive her for that? Vee clearly wants to make up for her obvious outsider mistake, by being included in another memory? Or at least atone by giving them their own memory, while she’s left out as photographer? Did Vee suggest this museum in the first place, even risk her trauma, to impress the others?

         And Willow, self-designated Mom Friend, immediately picks up on Vee’s unstated wish and enthusiastically embraces her, lets Vee know that they see her and she’s considered one of them; Willow’s reciprocated, also picking up on Vee’s unspoken words through observation! If they’re taking a picture they’re all taking a picture, Willow will find a way to include Vee as someone experienced with that camera. It’s wonderful, and it directly causes Vee to figure out a piece of the puzzle, after being left out when Willow, Amity, and Gus had their own breakthrough moments ago!

         LOOK AT THAT BLUSH SHE IS HAPPY AND PROUD TO HAVE PLAYED A PART AND OFFICIALLY BELONG!!!

#the owl house #vee noceda #willow park #character analysis

[b1ackoutartist]

Finding Shelter in a Storm

Scarlett Johansson x fem!reader (platonic)

The movie set was buzzing with excitement. "Cut! Perfect take, Y/N!" the director shouted. Y/N Y/L/N, a relatively new actress in Hollywood, had landed a significant role alongside the legendary Scarlett Johansson.

Though the set was always alive with activity, there was one thing that always remained a constant: the sight of Scarlett by Y/N's side.Y/N had faced numerous hardships in her life. From a troubled childhood filled with bullying and familial disconnects to battling severe mental health issues in her teenage years, her life was anything but a fairy tale. Despite her talents, her insecurities often overshadowed her achievements.

However, joining this movie set was about to change her life in ways she never imagined.From the very beginning, Scarlett seemed to have taken an unspoken oath to be Y/N's protector. It started with small gestures: lending her a jacket when the set was cold, offering words of encouragement after a challenging scene, or simply inviting her to lunch so she didn't eat alone.

One evening, after an especially grueling day of filming, Y/N found herself breaking down. The pressures of the industry, combined with her personal battles, made it feel like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. As tears streamed down her face, Scarlett found her, sitting quietly in a corner.Without a word, Scarlett wrapped an arm around Y/N, drawing her close. The warmth and genuine concern in her embrace provided Y/N with a comfort she hadn't felt in years."Hey," Scarlett whispered, wiping away Y/N's tears, "you're not alone anymore. Remember that."

As days turned into weeks, the bond between the two grew stronger. Scarlett became the guardian angel Y/N had never had, guiding her, supporting her, and most importantly, making her feel seen and valued.

Their camaraderie wasn't lost on the rest of the crew, either. It was evident to everyone just how much Scarlett cared for Y/N.During a press tour for their movie, the duo was asked about their off-screen relationship. Scarlett, with a cheeky grin, pulled Y/N close. "I've got to keep an eye on this one," she laughed, "or she'll find her way into some kind of trouble."

Y/N chuckled and shook her head with a smile, her eyes darting to Scarlett. "Honestly, she's not wrong," Y/N playfully admitted. "But honestly, she's the best guardian angel anyone could ask for."

The interviewer, clearly amused by their banter, delved deeper. "We've seen all the posts on social media. Fans adore the 'mother-daughter' dynamic you both share. How does that make you feel?"Scarlett's eyes twinkled with pride. "It's heartwarming to know that our relationship resonates with so many. I think it's a testament to the fact that family isn't just blood. Sometimes, you find it in the most unexpected places."Y/N nodded in agreement.

"Seeing all the support online is surreal. It's like we've become this beacon of hope, showing people that no matter where you come from or what you've been through, there's always a chance to find someone who truly understands and cares."The interviewer nodded, clearly touched. "It's inspiring. Your story, Y/N, and the bond you share with Scarlett, has touched so many hearts. It's beautiful to see."

The rest of the interview was filled with lighthearted banter and shared memories between the two actresses. As they left the stage, arm in arm, it was evident to all that the connection between Scarlett Johansson and Y/N Y/L/N was profound and unbreakable.

Behind the scenes, the two continued to uplift and support one another. Scarlett, with her years of experience, offered guidance to Y/N, helping her navigate the challenges of the entertainment industry. And Y/N, with her fresh perspective, often reminded Scarlett of the joys and spontaneity of life.Social media was ablaze with fan edits, heartfelt messages, and stories from individuals who were inspired by their bond.

As the years went by, their relationship remained rock-solid. Scarlett often mentioned in interviews how proud she was of Y/N's growth, both personally and professionally.

And Y/N never missed an opportunity to express her gratitude for having Scarlett in her life.Their bond became a testament to the fact that sometimes, amidst the chaos of life, you find your anchor in the most unexpected person. And for Y/N, that anchor was Scarlett Johansson.

#marvel #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff imagine #scarlett johansson x reader #Scarlett johansson #scarlett johansson x you #scarlett johansson imagine #scarlett johansson fanfiction

[bonesandthebees]

I wish people took the 'Archive' part of AO3 more seriously, that even when bad things happen, ao3 would be a space where history of fandom could remain to be looked back on later. I wish that there wasn't a mass deleting off fics off of related tags happing right now. As much as I understand wanting to be disconnected from a person, I wish more people took the options like Orphaning and abandoning than deleting.

it's entirely up to an author what they want to do with their fics. while I understand the frustration and agree that people often forget ao3 is an archive, I also recognize that if an author put a work into a fandom, they have every right to remove it. it's their words that they wrote for free. while I wish many authors wouldn't jump to this immediately especially when emotions are high, and would consider alternatives like orphaning, I still respect the decision. it's very unfortunate and I am saddened by how many fics we've probably already lost. but fandoms aren't owed these fics. just important to remember.

#ask #anon

[sukunasbabygirl]

Another day of existing, another day of being incredibly normal about Ryomen Sukuna and the theme songs Gege selected for him.

The first thing to note about these two songs is just how different they are in sound alone. I’d recommend giving them a listen if you’re curious, because I don’t exactly know how to put the difference into words, but I’d say (S)AINT is a more intense and violent song, whether as Day Scanner feels more melancholy at times - introspective.

I don’t have as much to say about S(AINT) outside of the difference to Day Scanner, and the fact it seems to represent how Sukuna portrays himself or how he’s seen by others. These lines also stand out to me, though I’m not sure what to make of that.

The song itself very much feels like Sukuna’s pride too, and his lack of care and disconnect from others. The chorus especially seems prideful, and considering Sukuna’s name is more a title he was given, it makes sense.

Then, there’s Dayscanner, which I think reveals more of Sukuna’s true self, especially with recent chapters.

The beginning alone has so much to unpack. While likely unintentional, the flower imagery reminds me of Gojo’s quote “You can admire a blooming flower, but you can’t ask it to understand you.” (I can’t remember the exact quote).

I’ll probably do a whole breakdown of it eventually when I can find the words, right now I’m more just bringing attention to it because I don’t see it talked about really. There’s an underlying tragedy to Day Scanner when considering Sukuna, as though S(AINT) is his inhumanity, his godhood, and Day Scanner is the humanity he denies.

#jjk #jujutsu Kaisen #ryomen sukuna #Sukuna #jjk spoilers #manga spoilers

[querenciasturniolo]

home ⮕ n.s.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: swearing, she/her pronouns

summary: you’ve been missing your best friend, so you, matt and chris come up with an idea to surprise him

a/n: this is super corny, and poorly written, but i wanted to write something for nick, so sue me

everything written is completely fictional. the people i write for are written with characteristics and mannerisms that i made for them, this is in no way depicting what would actually happen in real life.

requested: no

“I genuinely don’t understand why you won’t just move to LA.”

You laughed and shook your head as you turned on your turn signal, Nick’s voice coming through the speaker. It had been three months since you’d last seen him, and you missed him like crazy. There wasn’t a day that went by when the triplets were in Boston full time that you didn’t see him. Them living in LA half the time sucked, to say the least. Nick was always subtle about telling you he missed you, but you knew he missed you as much as you missed him.

“Because I have a job, you dork. I can’t just drop everything and move to the other side of the country.” You teased, Nick grumbling a backhanded comment that you couldn’t quite understand over the phone. You scoffed as you pulled into your driveway and turned your car off. “When are you guys coming back to Boston?” You asked, disconnecting your phone from your car and stepping out as you pressed your phone to your ear.

“Not soon enough. We have a shit ton of meetings coming up, so it’ll be awhile before we can even think about traveling. How’s work been going for you?”

The rest of your conversation consisted of a million different things, each topic making you think about dropping everything and going to LA, even though you knew Nick was joking. Not seeing him everyday like you used to was the worst, and when you got off of the phone with him, you had an idea. You opened your messages and created a group chat with Matt and Chris.

how much do i have to beg you two to help me surprise nick ?

It felt like it took ages for either of them to respond, but Matt finally replied.

Surprise him how?

You explained your plan to them, telling them how you wanted to book a flight to LA and surprise Nick, especially since you hadn’t seen the three of them in so long. Chris sent a couple thumbs up emojis, while Matt replied and said to let him know when your flight got in so they could pick you up from the airport.

The days leading up to your flight, you kept in constant contact with Matt and Chris, making sure that you were all on the same page, and making sure Nick had no idea what you were planning.

Your flight was long and tiring, you couldn’t stop yourself from getting antsy. You were so excited to finally see all of them, but especially Nick.

Matt and Chris told you that Nick had plans with Madi for most of the day, and wouldn’t be home until later, so your afternoon landing would give you enough time to set up what you had planned. The moment your plane landed, you rushed to get your bag and get to where Matt and Chris were, facetiming Chris immediately.

“Hey, where are you guys?” You asked, Chris flipping the camera to show you what exit gate they were parked at.

“I can’t fucking pronounce that, but that’s where we are.” He said, an amused scoff leaving your lips as you walked out of the gate and looked around, finally spotting the minivan and running over. Chris and Matt got out of the car and practically yanked your bag and carry-on out of your hands to throw into the trunk. The moment they were done, they wrapped you in a bone-crushing hug, all of the air leaving your lungs.

“I’m glad that you guys missed me too, but I can’t breathe.” You said, dramatically straining your voice as they let go.

“We just love you, dude. Accept it already.” Chris said, you rolled your eyes and opened the back door.

“We need content for our Wednesday video, do you mind?” Matt asked, climbing into the driver’s seat.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” You said, Matt nodding to himself as Chris immediately pulled the vlog camera from his bag and turned it on. It took him a few minutes to get the camera to focus, swearing under his breath as he finally lifted the camera to be facing all three of you. You were always surprised at how comfortable they were behind the camera, while you constantly felt awkward any time you were involved in one of their vlogs.

“So, as some of you guys know, Y/n has been one of our best friends for a while. We haven’t seen her in forever, and we all decided that we’d surprise Nick while he’s out with Madi for the day.” Chris said, Matt immediately pulled out of the parking spot and headed towards the exit.

You waved at the camera and gestured behind you to the trunk. “I brought some decorations and gifts for him as well, and Matt and Chris are gonna help me decorate his room.”

Chris flipped the camera on Matt. “Do you have anything to say?” Matt glanced over before looking back at the road.

“Well, Nick has always said that he doesn’t get overly excited about things, but I feel like when he realizes Y/n is in LA for the week, we’ll see if that’s true or not.” He said, you and Chris laughing as he shut the camera off and put it away.

The drive back to their house was filled with the three of you catching up about what’s been going on the last few months in LA and Boston, and when you got back to their house, the three of you rushed up the stairs with your bags and the camera. It took less than an hour to hang the streamers and put the gifts in the bag, the three of you laughing and fucking around the entire time, talking to each other and the camera.

“Nick says he’s about to be home.” Matt said, replying to Nick’s text as you jumped from the desk chair.

“Fuck, where do I go, what do I do?” You said, your heart racing as Chris laughed and shook his head.

“Just stand in the bathroom, we’ll set up the camera. He’ll be confused as hell to see us in his room with a bunch of decorations, and then you can walk out.” He said, you nodding your head as Matt put the camera across from Nick’s door and hit record. You waited until you heard the door open from downstairs and Nick shouted that he was home before you rushed to the bathroom, Chris and Matt making themselves look casual as you waited impatiently.

Time seemed to slow down as Nick ascended the stairs, each step taken making you grow more and more antsy. The door to his bedroom opened and his footsteps paused.

“What the fuck.” He said, a grin growing on your face. You could see Matt looking up from his phone, not looking casual at all. His eyes flickered to you for a split second before meeting Nick’s eyes again. He’s always been awful at being subtle, but it was one of his charming attributes.

“Do you not like your surprise?” Matt asked. You heard Nick scoff and drop something on his desk before walking further into the room.

“This is ridiculous. You guys are acting like I was overseas; I was just hanging out with Madi for a few hours.” He said, his voice monotone as you finally stepped out of the doorway and leaned against the wall, waiting for him to turn and notice you.

“Look around, Nick, I’m sure you’ll find something.” Chris said, Nick frowned and turned his head, his eyes finally meeting yours. He paused for a moment, his reaction time slowed before his face lit up and he rushed towards you. You laughed the moment he wrapped his arms around you and lifted you, your legs kicking out behind you as you hugged him back.

“Holy shit! What are you doing here?! When did you get here?! When did you plan this?! What are you fucking doing here?!” He rambled, your laugh uncontrollable as he finally put you down and just stared at you, completely bewildered and shocked. You saw Chris out of the corner of your eye grabbing the camera and zooming in on the two of you.

“I missed you, you dork. A week ago I booked the flight, requested work off, and Matt and Chris helped me decorate your room and set up the surprise.” You said, Nick’s jaw hitting the floor. He looked over, seeing Chris holding up the camera.

“Oh, you motherfucker.” Nick said, a laugh leaving his lips as he shook his head and looked back at you. “You’re helping me edit this video since you exposed me.” He said. You scoffed and shrugged your shoulders.

You didn’t mind being put to work, even if it just meant you laying on Nick’s bed and talking to him while he edited. He was like your home in a person, you’d never thought you’d meet someone you felt completely comfortable with no matter how strange you acted at times. Neither of you had ever been overly affectionate, physically or emotionally, but you couldn’t stop yourself from telling him what was on your mind.

“This is so fucking weird to say, but I’m so glad I met you.” You said, Chris and Matt aweing behind the camera.

Nick snorted and shook his head. “That’s not weird at all, I’m fucking awesome.” He said, the tone of his voice joking. “I’m glad I met you, too, you loser.” He said. You awed dramatically, pulling him into a ridiculous hug.

“I knew you loved me, you big lug!” You teased, Nick groaning and trying to shove you off of him, Matt and Chris cackling behind the camera.

You knew you’d have to head back to Boston at the end of the week, but for now, you were glad you were home.

#nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets

[jmdbjk]

Golden

Kookie had a runny nose. He said when he's just hanging out with nothing to do he's fine but as soon as things start ramping up and getting hectic, the cold that won't go away comes back. Jimin was on to something when he said he was concerned about Jungkook staying healthy with such a busy schedule.

As usual he has stayed true to himself and I admire that a person of his age can be so honest about himself.

He was trying to keep it real and said things to lower everyone's expectations: About writing songs, he said he can't really write songs. He said he just doesn't have it in him. He said when he tries it always ends up being about Army.

He wondered if it was because he was so simple. This is what makes me love him as just a human being: he says things about himself that WE might not agree with but that he feels about himself. He's just so honest and unpretentious, and he doesn't even try to be that, he just is himself.

He said he thinks he doesn't have the intellect and that he doesn't have anything to write about, and if he HAD things to write about, he couldn't say them prettily and that there are so many other talented creators that he would just fall short. He mentioned RM, Yoongi, Hobi... they are so talented.

It is understandable that Kookie, being last, he saw what the other members did, and truly, it had to be intimidating. He may never feel confident enough but I bet if he gives it a try he’ll do great.

All of what he said adds another nuance as to why he said “something amazing" is coming when he did that live back in March and Set Me Free Pt 2 was about to drop. He saw how hard Jimin worked through that process and the end result WAS amazing. Intimidating indeed.

Perhaps he still needs to live some life before he can have enough emotional baggage to pour out some lyrics (lol). Give it time, Kookie, life will throw some shit at you. Or maybe expressing whatever is inside of him will never come out in words to a song. And its ok. Not everyone is a songwriter or poet.

I can accept this album as "this is where he is in his life right now". He said they worked fast. That's a lot to accomplish in the amount of time from start to finish.

My thoughts on the songs...

The lyrics to several of these songs are a little ... meh..., sort of disconnected. THAT BEING SAID... I can see some lyrics that probably did resonate with him.

But I am not going to focus so much on the lyrics but more on JK's vocal work and think about how he was trying to sing and pronounce well. THAT is what he was trying to do. He said lyrics are lyrics and images are images... they are not meant to be autobiographical so the lyrics will be secondary to the vocal production for me.

Jungkook explained that the pronunciation was a challenge. The producers each had their own idea of how the lyrics should be delivered to achieve the color of the song. English not being JK's first language, he was coached on what to do in the studio. He said especially pronouncing the "EEE" sound was a challenge.

I recognize some sounds that seem trendy. Some of the songs remind me of other songs I've heard in the past by other artists.

Closer has that flute and Afro beat that reminds me of another song but I just can't remember it right now.

Standing Next to You is giving me Michael Jackson Rock With You from his Off the Wall album or Remember the Time off his Dangerous album. A rockin' groove... "... when it's deep like DNA..." and "leave your body golden like the sun and the moon..." yes, those lyrics definitely resonate.

Yes or No, I can definitely hear the Ed Sheeran throughout that song. A nice song about that first thrill of love. Ed Sheeran is a great song writer. I've always liked his work.

Please Don't Change would probably be the song that comes closest to expressing how Jungkook feels about his fans. Though his life has been spent on camera, things might change and if he's no longer on camera, he'll still be the same but he hopes we please don't change. This song also has the same little flute sound as Closer.

Hate You. This is the Shawn Mendes song. It is one of those angsty relationship songs that are popular now like what Olivia Rodrigo and her ilk does. If Jungkook had not gotten this song, I could see it easily going to a female artist. It's quite painful. Kookie does a great job expressing the tragic drama of it all with his vocals.

Somebody is where he really lets loose with his range. Its a sad song. Like many, his opening lines had me doing a double take. I don't think we've ever heard Jungkook sing in this tone before? Very nice.

Too Sad To Dance. This is the kind of song I think Jungkook could write. It is simple and straightforward. The song is cute and poignant at the same time. He was able to keep his tone simple to match the vibe, he didn’t try to make it over the top… I love this song especially the very last line: "...you don't need no one to dance..." Stand on your own and be yourself, just like Kookie is doing.

Shot Glass Full of Tears is the best song on the album. There, I said it. He really reached down and brought JUST enough edge into his voice to pull it off. I could actually get emotional over this song. I will repeat, this is the best song on the album.

Well done, Jungkook.

Overall, Kookie is relieved the pressure is off. Now he can get out there and do what he’s knows he can do and that’s performing

And then he said it again: BTS is the most important thing to him.

Kookie knew he had to do this album. And now he's done it and ready to move forward.

When he finally realized Tae had commented:

The panic over his house not being clean hahahahahah!

Because he wasn't sure what kind of chaos they were going to bring to his house, Kookie ended the live in a stress-clean panic.

My, what a turn of events... not long ago he was laying in bed naked causing mayhem trying to convince Jimin to let him come over and take a shower and now here they come to his house bringing trouble LMAO!

I hope they had a great evening together. I loved seeing Tae and Jimin out and about, it really hits a spot in my heart.

A little while ago, I picked up a copy of Golden at Target, I don't know which photo card is the Target exclusive but this is what I got:

It's a nice package with a hard cover photo book and a case it slides into. The stickers are nice. Jungkook was wearing an earring with the that motif so I suppose it will show up as merch on the Weverse shop soon.

Anyway, that's my review of Golden.

#jungkook golden #vmin #vminkook #jimin #taehyung