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daddy-dotcom · 10 months

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Bang My Line

Summary: You're Penelope Garcia's first intern, and you learn a lot more from her than just her technical skills.

Rating: M

Words:4, 357

Warnings: Fluff, typical canon violence mentions, smut ;)

*reblogs or comments r much appreciated*

Read my newest fic Scents and Sensibility out now 🤭

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The first day was a blur. It was scary enough to completely change career paths, but working for the FBI was an entirely different beast. Between what seemed like hundreds of background checks and interviews, I finally made it to my first day. Granted, I would just be an intern for now, but hopefully this would lead to a permanent position as a technical analyst. I waited in the lobby for Penelope Garcia, the woman who would be my mentor for the duration of my time with the BAU. We had spoken over the phone and even texted back and forth a bit, but this would be my first time meeting in person.

“There she is! My shiny new intern.”

“Hi you must be Agent Garcia,” I replied with my arm outstretched. She took it and gave what was the most enthusiastic hand shake I’ve ever seen.

“Oh honey, I’m way too fun for you to call me agent. Call me Penelope.” I shook my head in agreement and she led me towards the elevator.

“I know I gave you a rundown of the team via our text messages, but be prepared for them to ask you a million questions. You’re my first ever intern and they’re dying to meet the newest member of the team.”

“Duly noted, just know I’m going to be doing the same to you Penn because I’m a little out of my element here.”

“hmm Penn, I like the sound of that.”

As the elevator doors opened, I could see the rest of the team gathered around a desk, too focused on their own conversation to notice me and Penelope.

“Everyone, please welcome my first and only intern (Y/N).”

The man in the crisp black suit stood up first to greet me and introduced himself as Agent Aaron Hotchner.

“Penelope has not shut up about her new intern so it’s nice to finally put a pretty face to the name. I’m SSA Derek Morgan.”

I let out a bashful chuckle as I shook Morgan’s hand. Penelope did warn me that he could be a bit of a flirt. I was then greeted by a blonde woman who goes by JJ and an older man named Agent Rossi.

“Don’t tell me you write in pink sparkly gel pen too?” he jokingly asked.

I smiled and shook my head no, before being greeted by Agent Emily Prentiss.

“Don’t mind Rossi, it’s always nice to have another woman on the team to keep these boys in check.”

She gestured towards Morgan and the other agent beside her, who I can only assume is none other than Dr. Spencer Reid.

Penelope had described him as quote “Steven Hawking trapped in a young Bill Nye’s body.” What I didn’t expect was for him to actually be attractive. Sure, Agent Morgan and even Agent Hotchner were easy on the eyes, but Spencer Reid was strikingly handsome in the most unassuming way. The soft golden waves that covered the top of his head combined with those puppy dog eyes were enough to remind me how nervous I was to be joining the team.

“Nice to meet you (Y/N)” he said as he took my hand. My palms were beginning to sweat, but the steadiness of his firm grasp eased my nerves.

“Likewise,” was all I could manage to say. He held my gaze for what felt like both a moment and an eternity, before releasing my hand.

“Well, (Y/N), let’s get you briefed on your first case,” said Penelope.

I followed Penelope into the briefing room and decided to sit in the seat closest to the screen so that I could take notes on her presentation. To my surprise, Spencer took the seat next to me. As if I wasn't already a nervous wreck, his close proximity to me was going to make my writing even more illegible than usual. Still, I could get used to sitting next to the most handsome member of the team.

As Penelope wrapped up her presentation and the rest of the team departed on the jet, the bubbly blonde gave me a little tour of her office. Rossi wasn't joking about Penelope's love of glitter gel pens, and her desk was adorned with unicorn paperweights and mermaid statues.

"This is your workspace over here, (Y/N), although you'll mostly be assisting me for the first couple of weeks. Feel free to decorate your desk with as many unicorns as you please," she said.

The first hour or so of work was mostly getting situated in my new workspace, but we soon got our first call from the team, and it was from the man himself, Derek Morgan. Penelope pressed the button to answer the phone and his voice immediately came through the speaker for both of us to hear.

"It's your babygirl and her babygirl in training, what do ya need hot stuff?" said Penelope.

"Hey mama, I need you to look into Walter Price's bank activity for the last few months, see if there were any suspicious withdrawals or transfers."

"Anything for you gorgeous"

"Thanks babygirl, I'll be expecting your call back soon."

I sat with my mouth slightly ajar, looking over at Penelope dumbfounded.

"Do you talk to everyone on the phone that way?" you asked.

"Nope, just my sweet lover Derek Morgan."

I paused for a second before asking my follow up question, "so are you two like...in a relationship?"

"Only in my dreams," Penelope said with a wink. I let out a laugh because this whole situation surprisingly made me more at ease in my new job.

"As your intern, I guess it's my job to learn how to answer the phone like you?" I said with a wicked smile.

"Oh no my dear, at least, not yet. We've got a long way to go before you get to my level. And of course you'll have to find your own gorgeous man to talk dirty to, Morgan is already taken."

That definitely wouldn't be a problem, I already had the most gorgeous man on the team in mind.

I spent the next few weeks listening in on Penelope's phone calls and looking up information for her. I even got to help her present a new case to the team. After my first week, the team took me out to celebrate surviving my first case with the BAU. Even though I had become more comfortable around everyone on the team, I couldn't shake the butterflies Reid gave me whenever we interacted. However, I did notice that I was much more confident over the phone than in person. I tried to conceal my blossoming crush on Spencer as best I could, but I couldn't help but be the slightest bit sweeter to him whenever he was the one who called us.

During my second month of internship, we had a particularly hard time tracking down an unsub. Penelope was getting way too many names and she called Spencer to help her narrow down the list.

"There were traces of chlorine and calcium hypochlorite on the body which are chemicals commonly used in pool maintenance, Garcia narrow it down to men over 40 in the area who own pools or work in pool maintenance," he said.

"One name! It's Michael Dunlop, he works as a freelance pool maintenance man and, ooh get this, he hasn't responded to any jobs since the first murder on June 11th."

"Sending the address to your phones right now!" I interjected.

"Thanks (Y/N),"

"Anything for you, cutie" I said, with a sudden burst of confidence.

As I hung up with a satisfied look on my face, Penelope glanced over at me looking smug as ever.

"Cutie huh? That's a new one," Penelope said, "I knew I'd rub off on you sooner or later." And she was right. I started incorporating more color into my work wardrobe and I even brought my tiny stuffed cow to sit at my desk.

"You said I had to find my own gorgeous man to flirt with on the phone...so I did."

"I knew it! You have a crush on our genius boy-wonder!" She was positively giddy just by the thought of it. "I mean he's always sitting next to you and looking over at you when he thinks no one is noticing. You would think in a room full of profilers that I wouldn't be the only one to notice, and yet here we are."

It never occurred to me that my little crush might actually be reciprocated. Spencer was always a bit socially awkward, so I just assumed that he was the same way with me. I never once thought that he was actually as nervous to talk to me as I was to him. This fact somehow boosted my confidence even more, and I decided to have some fun with Spencer over the phone.

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"Cutie huh?" Morgan asked the blushing boy. Spencer was used to Penelope teasing him, but this was different. He had been harboring a small crush on their newest intern for the past month, and when she flirted with him over speakerphone for Morgan, of all people, to hear, Spencer couldn't help but turn as red as a tomato.

Of course, being a profiler, Morgan took notice of Reid's crimson cheeks. "Call me crazy but I think she likes you, pretty boy."

"O-of course not, she's just copying the way Garcia talks to you," Spencer stuttered.

"That may be true, the only difference is that you have a little crush yourself."

Spencer didn't bother trying to lie since he knew Morgan would see right through him, so he just mumbled something about Prentiss and Hotch needing them at the location (Y/N) sent.

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It was a lot easier to flirt with Spencer when he wasn't physically in front of me. When we were in the office together, we'd shoot each other smiles from across the room or he'd bring me an extra coffee in the morning. But when he was out in the field and I was back at my desk at the BAU, it was a whole different game. I tried my hardest to make him blush over the phone any chance I got, and it seemed to be working. After Penelope found out about my little crush, she decided to play matchmaker and slip Spencer my work phone number to call me instead for information. For the first time, I heard my phone ring instead of Penelope's and I immediately answered.

“Give it to me good baby, what do you need from me?” I replied. I knew it was Spencer since he was the only one who had my number.

"Hey (Y/N)" he said, and I swear I could hear him smiling through the phone. I could tell he had become more comfortable with our one-sided phone flirting over the past month. "I need you to look up all of Dr. Gupta's patients at the psychiatric clinic for the past 3 months, see if any of them drive a black van."

"You got it, gorgeous. If you need anything you know you can always bang my line."

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“You have (Y/N)’s number?” JJ asked.

Spencer looked puzzled, “Yea.. don’t we all?”

“I think it’s just you pretty boy” Morgan quipped, as he chuckled and gave him a pat on the back.

Spencer had grown fond of (Y/N)'s phone flirtation, but he was too embarrassed to return the favor in front of his colleagues. He loved watching her walk around the office in her high heels, trying to keep up with Penelope's fast pace. He knew brief glances and morning coffees weren't going to cut it anymore, he had to do something before her internship was over. So he decided to call her on his way home from working the case.

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The team had just finished a case and were on the plane headed back to Quantico. Penelope had plans so she left me to wrap things up in the office. Just as I was making my way towards the door, my phone began to ring. Confused, I picked up the phone and listened to see if it was a misdial.

"Hey babygirl."

I nearly choked when I realized who was speaking. My body involuntarily shivered and my heart quickened its pace. This "babygirl" hadn't come from Morgan, it was Spencer on the other line.

"Hi Spencer! What's up I thought you guys wrapped up the case?" I asked in a confused tone.

"We did, but I thought I'd call you without everyone else around." His voice sounded sultry and silky smooth, unlike his usual rapid rambling, and it made it so much harder for me to speak. "We should be landing in about twenty minutes, stay in your office and I'll meet you there."

"Okay, I'll be waiting here, handsome."

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Those twenty minutes were the longest twenty minutes of my life. I knew Spencer had a crush on me as well, but what could he possibly want to meet with me for? Was he going to ask me to stop flirting with him on the phone? Was he going to ask me out? Was he trying to make out with me? God I secretly hoped it was the latter...

Just as I had been getting lost in my own thoughts, I heard the familiar voices of the rest of the team down the hall. I knew Spencer would be walking into my office any minute, so I nervously fixed my hair and applied the lipgloss Penelope gave me.

"Hey babygirl," said the tall man standing in the door frame.

"Hi Spencie," I said with a smile as I called him the nickname I lovingly gave him, which I'm sure he secretly hates. I couldn’t help but grin since the word “baby girl” still seemed so foreign coming from his mouth. I stood up to meet his gaze as he slowly made his way over to my desk.

"I know you've been teasing me these past couple weeks," he said as we closed the gap between our bodies. I would say our faces were inches from each other, but he was impossibly tall and my face didn't reach past his chest, "but now its my turn to tease you," he said as he brought his hands behind my ears and pressed his lips onto mine. He was gentle and tentative at first, but I passionately pressed my lips back against his to deepen the kiss. I ran my hands through his gorgeous locks and began to tug. We quickly became a breathless mess and I couldn't help the feeling building in the pit of my stomach. His hands traveled down to my waist and he gingerly pulled me closer. He was both hesitant and passionate, not quite sure if he should act on his instincts. He pulled back for just a second to speak:

"I know you only have a few weeks left with us, but would you like to get coffee sometime?" he asked with those same puppy dog eyes that made me fall for him in the first place.

"Oh Spencie, we're a bit past coffee don't you think?" I said with blushy cheeks. "Let's get dinner sometime, I'm free any night except Tuesday, I have Zumba class with Penelope."

"She really has influenced you a lot hasn't she?" he said, making a mental note of the pink scrunchie in my hair.

"In more ways than one hot stuff."

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Over the next few weeks, I spent my days phone flirting with Spencer at work and my nights making out with him in my office or eating Chinese take-out in his apartment. No one on the team, not even Penelope, knew about our brewing workplace romance, and we intended to keep it that way until I was hired permanently. However, that didn't stop him from flirting back on our calls. I was on my last week of internship and I was now the only one who Spencer called when he needed information. Spencer and I had agreed to take it slow, but our most recent calls had me desperate to find out what else he was packing besides the gun strapped to his hip. Just then, a call interrupted my wandering thoughts and I immediately picked up knowing it was him.

“Dayton Ohio you're on the air" I answered in my sexiest voice possible.

"I'd like to make a request," Spencer replied.

"You can request anything you want, doctor" I could hear him chuckle behind the phone before telling me what he actually needed.

"I need you to look up a marketing firm by the name of Firsthand Media and see if they have any connections to the colleges of the first set of victims."

"I'm on it, sugar" I answered.

"Oh and one more favor, look up the words beautiful and brilliant and see what you can find."

"Look at that, it's me"

"You're the best (Y/N)"

I could feel Penelope's eyes on me before she turned around and said

"I've never been more proud."

The rest of the day was filled with calls from the other agents to Penelope, mostly Morgan, until that evening when I got one last call from Spencer. He asked me to see if there were any men who had been admitted to the hospital in the last 6 months for brain injuries, but no one came up.

"Couldn't find anything, looks like you're going to have to punish me Spencie," I replied.

"You'll just have to wait til I get back for that"

He hung up, and I couldn't believe what I just heard. Penelope and I were in shock that Spencer Reid could be so dirty. For once, I was the one blushing on the other end.

"(Y/N) I swear to god if you don't let that man make sweet love to you I am personally writing your letter of resignation"

"Penn! We just flirt is all, like you and Morgan, I could never actually be with him"

"So you two haven't been using my sacred office space to make-out between cases?" she asked with raised eyebrows. I stood there, with my mouth open and eyes wide, looking guilty as ever.

"You do know there's a camera in this office right?" I was mortified. Thank God we'd never done anything more than kiss in this office.

"You knew this whole time? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh Morgan knows, but everybody else is still in the dark because I didn't want to risk you not getting hired. And I hacked into the security computers and deleted the footage."

"Thank you so much Penn, and I promise I won't have anymore heated makeout sessions in this office, or anywhere in this building for that matter."

"Anything for my little protege. But in all seriousness, you should definitely ride boy-wonder off into the sunset and make it official once you're hired."

"Penelope!" I hit her in the arm, only half jokingly because I knew deep down that that's exactly what I should do.

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As usual, I waited in my office for Spencer to meet me. But this time, I was determined to go back to his apartment and finish what we started over the phone.

"Hello beautiful" he said as he made his way over to me. He greeted me with a hungry kiss and it took every ounce of strength I had not to pin him down and ride him in this office.

"Spencer listen, we can't makeout in this office anymore. Garcia and Morgan know about us already and she had to delete the footage off of the security cameras."

"Morgan knows? That present he gave me actually makes a lot of sense now."

"Nevermind that," I said before moving closer to whisper in his ear, "what I need now is for you to punish me like you said you would."

I could feel his heart beating out of his chest, his eyes went wide but faintest hint of a smile appeared on his deliciously soft lips.

"well then what are we waiting for" he said as he grabbed my hand and practically pulled me out of the office.

We wasted no time getting back to his apartment. Reid was always such a cautious driver, but this time he was driving like his life depended on it. Once in the building, he wouldn't let go of my hand and we were practically sprinting towards his door. He fumbled with the key for a moment before the door sprang open and I pushed him inside with the force of my lips on his. His hands had become quite comfortable exploring my body, and tonight was no exception. I tugged on his tie without breaking the kiss and he let out a heavy sigh as I led him towards his bedroom. I pushed him once again, this time down onto the bed, and I practically jumped on top of him to straddle his waist. As I let my weight rest on the growing bulge in his pants, he let out the sexiest groan and I could feel the wetness pooling in my panties. I continued to grind on him as we completely devoured each other. This wasn't the first time we'd done this, but this time it was different, we both wanted more.

"Spence please," I whined, "I need you."

"You can have me baby," he replied, looking up at me with those puppy dog eyes that I adore so much.

We quickly undressed and I raced to climb back on top of him.

"You really are beautiful," he said while tucking a loose strand of hair back behind my ear. I smiled back at him and gently kissed his lips before going back to grinding over his now bare cock.

His groans were like music to my ears and I couldn't help but sighing at the feeling of him gliding across my exposed cunt.

"Baby please, I want to be inside you," he pleaded.

"Do you have a, uh, condom?" I asked, somewhat sheepishly.

"I do...that was actually the 'gift' that Morgan got me," he said followed by a nervous chuckle. He reached into the drawer on the bedside table and, slightly trembling, opened the package.

"I-I just want you to know that I haven't done this in a while, (Y/N)," he began, "I don't know if I'll be any good." He was just as nervous as I was. I gave him a sympathetic nod before replying.

"It's okay Spence, it's been a while for me too. I guess you could say we get pretty caught up in our work."

"Agreed," he said, slightly more at ease.

As soon as he finished up rolling on the condom, I wasted no time lining him up with my entrance and sinking onto his length.

"Fuck, baby" he moaned with his eyes screwed shut "you feel so good." It was insanely hot to hear such foul language come out of Spencer Reid's mouth.

"You want me to ride you baby?" I asked teasingly.

"Yes please..."

I began to bounce rapidly on his dick, feeling every inch of him come in and out of me. I had a feeling he wasn't going to last long, but I didn't care, I was beyond happy to just watch the pleasure that I was bringing him. I took his hands and placed them on my breasts, which caused a simultaneous moan to come from the both of us.

"God (Y/N) you're going to make me cum" he said, nearly out of breath.

I knew he was close, but I was slowing down as my legs began to give out on me. He sensed the slowing of my pace, so he took one hand from my breast, wrapped it around my waist, and began to pump into me from below.

“Consider this your punishment babygirl”

This new angle was heaven to me and I couldn't help but cry out. He was fucking me so hard I swear I could see stars.

"Oh god Spence," I moaned. For someone who has been out of the game for a while, he was making me feel so good.

"I'm gonna...I'm..." he muttered.

"Let it out Spence, cum for me baby."

And with that, he spilled his load inside the condom. He just kept coming and coming inside of me until there was nothing left. Spencer Reid was utterly and completely spent.

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“Well Dr. Reid, you sure know how to please a woman,” you said poking him in the rib.

“What can I say, I’m an overachiever,” he replied with a cocky smile plastered on his face.

As I was about to go in for a kiss on his cheek, my cellphone rang, and it was a call from Penelope.

“Hello my pretty! Sorry in advance that I’m probably interrupting your sexy times with boy-wonder but I just couldn’t wait to tell you. You got the job!”

“Oh my goodness! That’s great news, thanks Penn! What department am I in?”

“You’re going to be working in the international intelligence department, aaaaand that means you’ll probably have to report your little romance directly to human resources.”

“Sounds good Garcia, we’ll take care of that first thing in the morning,” Reid interjected.

“Ah, so boy-wonder is there with you! Looks like you took my advice after all (Y/N),” Penelope replied.

I rolled my eyes and said “Goodnight Penelopeeee” in a sing-songy voice.

“Goodnight you two, be safe and don’t stay up tooooo late.”

“Aww, what ever happened to the fun Penelope Garcia?”

“She’s not here right now but leave a message, bye!” And with that our conversation was over.

“Guess it’s time to tell the rest of the team about us”

“I guess so Spence, good luck handling all the teasing on your own baby,” I said with a giggle and planted a kiss on his cheek before drifting off to sleep. Tomorrow was surely going to be an interesting day at the office.

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AN: Thanks for all the love, shameless plug for my newest oneshot The Visit

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#criminal minds #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #penelope garcia #matthew gray gubler #mgg #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #jennifer jareau #david rossi

4K notes · View notes

stuckinapril · 6 months

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You are so productive and living your best life I admire it so much! I don't understand how you do it... do you have any advice for forcing yourself to do the things you know are good for you even when you are feeling sad and not up to it? Have a lovely day ❣️❣️❣️

Plan your day hour by hour. This actually revolutionized my life. Plan when you’ll wake up, plan what you’ll do every hour of the day, and make it as realistic as possible to stick to your goals. Start with simple things and gradually ramp it up. Don’t overwhelm your day with 60 different goals. I’d pair one passive goal (be on your phone less, for example) with one active goal (study more, take more walks, read more) and go from there. It’s better to start small and be consistent than to start big and quit one day in.

Lower the resistance necessary to accomplish tasks. If you have somewhere to be early tomorrow, plan your outfit the night before. If you have studying to do, have your textbooks/notebooks/notes on your desk by the time you wake up. If you have an overwhelming task, break it into smaller subtasks and focus on them one at a time. If you don’t want to be on your phone in the morning, charge it somewhere you won’t be able to see the moment you open your eyes. I’m trying to overcome the phone issue right now, so instead of setting an alarm on my phone I just bought a digital alarm clock bc I know I’m way less likely to get on my phone that way. I’m lowering the effort needed to actually get started on a task.

Have motivational things handy for when you’re down!! I’m a highly visual person, so it actually really helps me to make moodboards. I have moodboards for things I wanna accomplish, moodboards for things I’ve already accomplished, a Pinterest board for affirmations etc etc. I have a list on my notes app for all the reasons why it’s important to me to accomplish my goals. I have another notes app page dedicated to pasting all the motivational quotes that help me whenever I’m in a funk. You could even print them and hang them up on your wall if you want. In times where instant gratification overshadows getting things done, make it very accessible to remember why they’re important to you to begin with.

Romanticize your tasks. I make silly to-do lists, I make sure I’m always in cute outfits when I’m running errands, I put on perfume and mascara and lip gloss even if I’m literally all on my own in my bedroom about to do a 3 hour study session. I love getting manicures bc there’s nothing more satisfying than studying with pretty dark red fall nails. This may sound extra but I go through my notes pretending I’m Elle Woods or something bc it makes it so much fun. A huge part of why I’m consistent with going to the gym is bc I buy pretty workout fits that just make me feel good. I wear lingerie under my clothes wherever I am bc it makes me feel like a bad bitch even if no one sees it. I don’t start a task with the thought in mind that I want to get it done already—I try to make the act of doing it in and of itself as engaging as possible.

To piggyback off that point, switch your environment if your current one isn’t serving you. Don’t just default to quitting if one approach isn’t working. If studying in your bedroom isn’t doing it, go to the nearest coffee shop. If the coffee shop isn’t working, do the library. Study indoors. Study outdoors. Study in nature. Hell study at a beach if you want to. It doesn’t matter where you are if you’re getting things done. Exhaust all your alternatives before calling it quits.

Set firm boundaries with yourself. This is so big. Self-care is absolutely treating yourself, but it’s also being your own parent and disciplining yourself if you feel like you’re not putting your all into something. In a world where it’s very easy to go “just a few more minutes on my phone” “I’ll do it tomorrow” “I can skip working out today” it’s really important to be able to parent yourself and exercise some tough love and do some things even if you don’t feel like you want to. I really struggle with this as a gen z girl bc this is THE era of instant gratification. But my goals are just more important to me than momentary comfort.

No zero days. Just bc you’re not being your 100% on one day doesn’t mean you should just lie down and do nothing. Being at 50% performance is better than being at 0%. I try to make sure I get some light tasks done on days where I don’t feel like going all in. It helps me not feel like I’ve just derailed my whole life, which consequently helps me move on from my ruts faster.

Look ahead. Can not emphasize this enough. Death motivates me like nothing else. You do not have an infinite time on this earth. You don’t want to be at the same place you’ve been at a year from now. Resist the “I’ll do it tomorrow” mentality as much as possible. Change happens in small increments & there’s no better time for it than the present. What may seem like little things you can skip out on now can quickly snowball into the very things that are preventing you from being where you want to be.

Acknowledge your limits. Someone with two full-time jobs and school should not be comparing themself to the progress of someone with one part-time job and like nothing else. I’m currently studying full-time and also trying to maintain a consistent workout routine, so I don’t expect myself to recreationally read more than 30 minutes a day, even if ideally I’d like that time to be way higher. I know it’s pointless to compare myself to someone who reads 70 books a month but has much less workload than I do. Comparison is inherently flawed bc no one else has been the dealt the cards you’ve been dealt. Tailor your schedule to your own unique situation. Make a list of your priorities and assign them to your hours accordingly.

Listen to your needs!! Mental health is the most important thing. You need to be in tune with yourself to know when you could be pushing yourself a little harder, and when it’s necessary to give yourself time off. If I’m in an actual burnout, I go out with friends. I go see a movie. I give myself the grace of being human and step back for a little bit. It’s completely okay to have those days, and acknowledging them helps you recover quicker. Take care of yourself <3

#i hope this helps <33 a girl rly loves her bullet point lists #also thank u for this ask bc now I get to look back at these whenever I’m in a funk 😈#ask #study tips

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bethanydelleman · 7 months

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Hello!

I rewatched Pride and Prejudice and it's surprising how my thoughts on it changed over the years 😃

When I was a teenager, Elizabeth Bennet was the plucky heroine that I wanted to be (lol) , now I'm older with a mortgage and responsibilities/bills, I'm like what was her plan in life?

Because she wasn't really educated per se (im thinking about how she answered lady Catherine about what she has to recommend her re:drawing, playing the piano etc) so I guess a 'career'(no matter how little it would be available at that time) was out of the question, but accepting marraige to the (admittedly obsequious) Mr Collins was also out of the question as well as Mr Darcys first proposal (which I get why sge turned it down!) ...I guess I'm asking what Elizabeth's plan for her future.

I've heard this from a lot of people upon re-read, "Why isn't Elizabeth more worried about her future?" I think there are a few things to note.

Early 1800s or not, Elizabeth is 20 years old when the novel begins (the average age of first marriage for women was 23). 27 year old Charlotte is in more of a future panic, but Elizabeth is still young. She has done practical thing like learn to play piano, but like most young people, she's probably just hoping for the best. And it's not like there is much she can actually do, Elizabeth is putting herself out there, she's dancing, she's playing piano, but otherwise she can just hurry up and wait. Her mother's marriage schemes are seen as vulgar and mostly backfire, and we would hardly want Elizabeth to act like Caroline. We read across Austen's novel's that women are largely stationary and it is the men who move in and out of their lives.

Also, I think a big part of Austen's point is that women are in a position where they feel the need to accept any and every proposal, because as Mr. Collins says, they may never receive another, but that this leads to misery (just look at the older couples and how many of them are unhappy!). While somewhat foolish from a financial perspective, Elizabeth is thinking about her long term happiness. She has watched her father turn bitter in an unequal relationship, she does not want that for herself. Elizabeth is choosing possible spinsterhood over being married to a person she knows she could not respect. Marrying for love, or at least on a basis of respect, is a big theme in Austen's novels. Let me add this quote from Mansfield Park to illustrate this point:

“I should have thought,” said Fanny, after a pause of recollection and exertion, “that every woman must have felt the possibility of a man’s not being approved, not being loved by some one of her sex at least, let him be ever so generally agreeable. Let him have all the perfections in the world, I think it ought not to be set down as certain that a man must be acceptable to every woman he may happen to like himself.... And, and—we think very differently of the nature of women, if they can imagine a woman so very soon capable of returning an affection as this seems to imply.”

So yes, Elizabeth Bennet isn't being financially prudent but she is being sensible in preserving her happiness. And for realism, we know Austen made this decision herself! She turned down an eligible offer.

Next, Mrs. Bennet is somewhat exaggerating: they are very unlikely to starve or be destitute. While it is never explicitly stated, Mr. Gardiner seems to be doing very well, and would probably very happily take at least Jane and Elizabeth if Mr. Bennet died. Mr. Philips is also doing well for a country attorney, he could take in his sister-in-law and nieces. It is going to suck, the Bennets should have planned better, but it's not the end of the world. We also do not know Mr. Bennet's age, but he may well only be in his late forties. He's no Mr. Woodhouse who may die tomorrow in a stiff breeze.

So what is Elizabeth's plan? She doesn't have one, she's 20. She's hoping life will throw her a man with a decent income that she doesn't hate. It works out in the end, but I don't think she would live to regret either turned down proposal if she had never met Darcy again.

#question response #elizabeth bennet #pride and prejudice #she doesn't have a plan #she's young #she just has staandards

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tired-but-willing · 11 months

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I feel the need to defend Gwen after seeing people's takes on her, so here we go.

Major spoilers for Across the Spiderverse under the cut.

Let's start at the beginning of the movie. Gwen's father has a gun aimed at her, and is trying to arrest her, even after knowing it's his daughter under the mask. Miguel and Jess step in. Gwen is brought to the Spider place thing.

Right away we establish this: Miguel and Jess have taken Gwen from a place where she was isolated/in real danger, and took her somewhere safe.

Now, let's look at other aspects of the movie. Keep in mind— it's still in theaters, so I can't review the script. Any quotes and citations may be slightly different to what actually happened. I'm going off memory.

When Gwen is in Miles's universe, she has a conversation with Jess that puts things into perspective. If Gwen messes up, Miguel will send her back to her universe. Where she has no home, no money, no friends, and her dad— a police captain— knows her identity and is seemingly willing to shoot her.

Miguel has taken this child and to keep her in line, has placed the threat of returning her to a dangerous environment over her head. Now, before Miguel fans read this, please know I do like his character. This doesn't mean I can't criticize him and find faults in his actions.

Now, let's go over her interactions with Miles. Gwen keeps extremely vital information from him. Miles has every right to be distraught. However, Gwen isn't acting as a criminal mastermind. She's following Miguel because it's all she can do. If he takes her watch— there's only one thing left for Gwen. Her universe where she's unsafe. And this is exactly what Miguel DOES do when Gwen upsets him. He disables her watch and forces her back. Thankfully everything turned out fine, but what if it didn't?

Miguel knows what went down between Gwen and her father. He was there. And yet he— a man who collapsed an entire universe— sent her— a kid who didn't want to hurt her friend— into an environment where she could be shot. By her father, nonetheless.

It should also be noted that the first thing Gwen does when she's no longer under Miguel's influence is go after Miles to save him. After the talk with her father, of course.

My main point here is that Gwen does make mistakes: but we as viewers need to understand that she's not acting maliciously. She's a child who had nothing else to fall back on; no safety net, nothing. I hate to see people treating her as if she orchestrated everything just to hurt Miles.

#across the spiderverse #gwen stacy #miles morales #miguel o'hara #jessica drew #ranting

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tossawary · 2 months

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Posting about my reread like this in an attempt to help me remember some of these small details... I am quite bad at remembering things from the beginning of a book by the end of it, partially because small, easily overlooked details often become far more meaningful and therefore memorable on the reread.

Some quotes and thoughts on Binghe's birth + adoption, Tianlang-Jun, Su Xiyan, and the poor, unnamed washerwoman:

"Immediately after birth, Luo Binghe was abandoned by his parents, swaddled in white cloth, and put in a wooden basin that was lowered into the Luo River. This occurred on the coldest days of the year, and it was only thanks to fishermen pulling him out of the water that he didn't freeze to death as a baby. Because he'd been drifting along the Luo in the season when it was choked with thin ice, he was given the name Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe spent his early years wandering the streets, hungry and cold - a dreary childhood. A washerwoman who worked for a wealthy family took pity on him, and since he had no children of her own, she adopted and raised him as her own. Mother and son were poor, and they suffered much humiliation at the hands of their rich patrons." - Chapter 1, pages 9-10

"As it turned out, Luo Binghe had been born to the Demon Realm's Saintly Ruler and a woman of the Human Realm; within his veins flowed the blood of the ancient, heaven-fallen demons as well as that of the human race. His father, Tianlang-Jun, had been sealed beneath a great mountain, trapped for all eternity. His birth mother had been a disciple from a righteous cultivation sect, but shortly following Tianlang-Jun's dealing, she had been expelled on suspicion of having secret ties to demons. She had died from a postpartum hemorrhage after giving birth to Luo Binghe, but prior to her death, she had set her son adrift from the lonely ship she'd birthed him on. It was the only way she had been able to give Luo Binghe a chance to survive." - Chapter 1, page 11

I view a lot of these small details as somewhat flexible, with the different levels of unreliable narration going on. We are being told these things by Shen Yuan, who may be misremembering these details (as any reader, myself definitely included, does), and who read them as told by Airplane, who may have retconned prior details as he came up with new ideas, forgotten small details as he wrote millions of words, or was just lying in the narration for later reveals that never came to fruition. Shen Yuan may have also been reading dialogue between characters who also didn't know what they were talking about or were lying to each other.

So, I can do what I want with a lot of this, I feel! Shen Yuan doesn't necessarily know what he's talking about here. (More details will be revealed later on, I remember, and I will be looking out for them.)

Interesting things to remember here! Tianlang-Jun was apparently probably sealed during the winter, maybe late autumn at the earliest, which was probably unpleasant for snake demon Zhuzhi-Lang. I'm currently imagining Tianlang-Jun leaving his nephew to essentially hibernate somewhere to avoid the weather, promising to stay out of trouble (actually planning to meet up with Su Xiyan), and then just not coming back.

Su Xiyan apparently gave birth to Binghe on a ship! That's interesting. I had forgotten that detail if I ever took note of it.

I knew that the book implies here that Binghe was found by the washerwoman a little later into his childhood, but I'd forgotten the fishermen detail. I usually intentionally ignore this and just go with the washerwoman finding Binghe (which is what the animated show did, I think), because if Binghe was honestly "immediately" abandoned by Su Xiyan, then he would have been a newborn! Someone HAD to have been looking after him. This is one of my pet peeves in fiction: Binghe HAD to have been breastfed by someone OR this world must have an equivalent to baby formula for him to survive. (This is the main reason I conceptualized Luo Jiahui in PINTWILF as a young woman who had recently had a stillbirth, just so she could breastfeed this newborn baby.)

It's possible that Binghe had a series of caretakers who fell through before his adoption, leading to brief periods on the streets as a young child, and/or he did a lot of "wandering the streets" begging and scavenging AFTER his adoption by an extremely poor woman (and the sentences there are just a little out of order). Even if demon baby Binghe COULD survive on other food somehow, newborns can't... walk... or crawl... or lift their heads.

If I have to stick to what's written here as closely as possible, then I would go with the following interpretation: newborn Binghe being found by fishermen, who take him to town to see if anyone has lost or abandoned a child, or if anyone is willing to take one in. The only person to agree is this washerwoman. People in town possibly donate some means (baby formula equivalent, kinky plot device plant that kickstarts lactation) to feed this baby or cruelly tell the washerwoman the baby will die. Possibly, the washerwoman goes deeply into debt asking these rich patrons for the means to feed this baby. As Binghe grows up, he spends a lot of time on the streets, begging and scavenging to help his extremely poor adoptive mother. End mostly canonical interpretation.

If we wanted to get a little wild, we could also go with the interpretation that Shen Yuan is incorrect when he uses the word "immediately". Either he misinterpreted something Airplane wrote, or a character relayed information incorrectly in PIDW, or the SVSSS just formed differently to Shen Yuan's impression based on very vague information that Airplane may not have been keeping consistent.

Maybe Su Xiyan actually lived for several months on this ship after giving birth, creating the seals and somehow managing to feed her newborn child (the poison that killed her is a problem with breastfeeding here, but idk, maybe heavenly demon babies can drink blood for all we know, which is something Su Xiyan would know but the washerwoman would not), before setting Binghe adrift. Binghe would be too young to remember this time with his birth mother. I'll have to see what Wu Chen from Zhao Hua Temple says when I get to his explanation of what happened to Su Xiyan in the third book.

#tossawary svsss #tossawary rereads svsss #pidw luo binghe #luo binghe #su xiyan #luo binghe's adoptive mother #luo jiahui #tianlang jun #zhuzhi lang #long post #spoilers

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illuminatedvisage · 10 months

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waiting for this story to end before i begin another.

Pairing: Jing Yuan x (GN) Trailblazer!Reader Summary: The General attempts to write you a letter. Warnings: Angst, Pining Notes: Title and quote taken from the poem, "Waiting for This Story to End Before I Begin Another" by Jan Heller Levi

it’s been a long time since jing yuan has needed to grind his own ink, but he has not forgotten the ritual of it. dropping water onto the inkstone, unwrapping the cake, dragging water from well to plain and grinding, slowly, in measured circles until the soot dissolves into the proper color. these days, his hands are more accustomed to handling paper over steel, to signing off laws over swinging his blade, but there is little art in the way he must handle his work—fastidiously, meticulously, planning for every eventuality. water defies such control, and ink makes such defiances permanent, which is perhaps why he’s chosen to write a letter to you in this way.

how else to express a heart honestly than to relinquish control of it?

i wonder—

i wish—

i want—

but how to begin? he tries a dozen different times, crossing off each false start, trying to put together his thoughts into some sort of coherency. it is easier said than done, and jing yuan, for all the merits he has earned and the battles he has won, does not consider himself brave enough to speak these things out loud. if he should stumble over his words, unrefined, unbecoming of his age— if those clumsy words should somehow fly to you like birds and reach your ears—

jing yuan laughs at himself. perhaps he hasn’t yet let go of the illusion of control.

he crumples the paper and begins again, setting out a new page, grinding more of that glossy ink. he finds it difficult to explain himself to you, even more so to do it without expectation, without trying to predict your response to the confession that pours from the tip of his brush—

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you

he wonders when he fell in love with you, wishes he could pinpoint the precise moment when you began, unintentionally, to take up space in his heart. could he have stopped it? would he have, given the chance? or would he, having seen the pattern of your conquest, have simply let you advance piece by piece until he had no choice but to surrender—and look forward to that surrender if it meant you kept rewarding him with your careless smiles and unadorned camaraderie, if you kept treating him with a casual intimacy that makes a curl of pleasure and affection settle in his stomach.

the door clicks open, letting in a cool breeze and you, standing cocksure in the entryway of his office. your smile is warm as your hip checks the door closed. “looking awfully lonely in here, general,” you say, giving the room a slow once-over before resting your eyes on him. “have you come in here to take a nap?”

jing yuan sets his brush down, returns your smile with one of his own. “it’s not often that the seat of divine foresight is empty like this,” he tells you. “i thought it might give me a moment to finish a letter i had to write.”

for a moment, you look worried, as though you’ve interrupted some important business of his. but the glimmer in your eyes returns when he beckons you over, eyeing the paper that he covers up with the flat of his hand.

“top-secret luofu business?” you ask, tilting your head this way and that to try and catch a glimpse of what he’s hiding.

“something like that.”

“should i really be here, then?” you ask, before your smile slips into a grin, fingers already twitching for the piece of paper. “or are my information-sharing privileges still active? is it stellaron related? is it stellaron hunter related?”

“actually,” jing yuan admits, without really knowing why, “it’s a love letter.”

you pause, blinking rapidly, nose scrunching in confusion before a startled laugh bubbles out of you. “fine, fine,” you say, holding your hands up in surrender, “keep your secrets. i didn’t come here for that, anyway.”

“and what did you come for, illustrious trailblazer?”

“did you seriously forget?” you set your hands on the table, leaning in close until you are all he sees in his field of view. “the farewell party? to celebrate the successful containment of the stellaron? and the once-in-a-lifetime partnership between the express and the luofu?”

“it’s a long lifetime.” he hopes you don’t notice the way the words stick in his throat.

“not for all of us. so that’s why i’m here, to drag you back with me,” you say. your hand is already wrapped around his wrist, tugging him up, away from his desk. “by force if i have to.” he likes this about you, your easy manner, the way you treat him like an old friend; he likes it less that, like his old friends, you too will leave him on his own.

he doesn’t budge, gently releasing your grip on his wrist. but he doesn’t let you go either, not yet, fingers lingering in your own. it is the first time he’s held your hand, and it might be the last. “no force necessary. i’ll join you just as soon as i’m finished with my business here, so wait for me by the door.”

you huff but relent, pulling away too soon. “you work too hard,” you scold good-naturedly, “even though it always seems like you’re slacking off. are you sure i can’t convince you to jump ship for a while? the express has an extra cabin with your name on it.” your lips twitch as you fight off a laugh. “maybe you can even convince pompom to give you a whole car, oh great arbiter-general of the xianzhou luofu.”

a pang of some unnamed emotion goes through him. could it be as easy as that? to take your hand in his and say yes, say please, say i’ll follow wherever you go. he wants it to be but instead he retracts his hand, laying them over each other on his desk to stop himself from reaching for you again. “my place is here,” he says, and not beside you.

something in your gaze wavers, with sympathy or perhaps pity, he doesn't care to know which, and your voice goes soft as you step back, away from him. “right, then. i’ll wait for you outside, until you’re ready.”

his eyes follow you long after the door has closed. he looks at his letter, the ink smeared by his hand, and crumples it in his fist.

A/N: i can't stop writing for this sad, sad old man. and prob blade when more of his lore comes out.

#jing yuan x reader #hsr x reader #jing yuan imagines #honkai star rail imagines #hsr jing yuan #forgive me if i don't know how to tag these yet i'm simply baby and figuring it out #inspired by jing yuan flirting with the trailblazer over text. you can't tell me he isn't flirting!! you can't #.illuminations #.xianzhou luofu

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disciple-of-owen · 10 months

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The Southern Raiders: Some Thoughts

Ah, The Southern Raiders: that pivotal episode in which Zuko and Katara bury the hatchet, allowing our favorite Fire Prince to finally become a full-fledged Gaangster. Fans have expressed wildly different takes regarding this episode over the years, so I thought I’d toss in my two cents.

An important disclaimer before beginning: I am NOT anti-Zuko, and it is not my intention for this to be an anti-Zuko post. Having said that, I think it’s important to accept that Zuko’s redemption, magnificent as it is, does not expunge his character of defects. He remains a flawed person to the end of series, and I think much of his behavior in this particular episode is deserving of criticism.

Anyway, let’s start with the moment when Zuko announces to the Gaang that he and Katara are planning to track down her mother’s killer. Anything in quotes is from the show’s transcript, which belongs to Bryke, Nickelodeon, Paramount, and whoever the hell else has their hooks in Avatar at this point.

Aang: “Um… and what exactly do you think this is going to accomplish?”

An important thing to note here: Aang is not starting this conversation with an ‘I’ statement (I think, I feel, etc.). Instead, he is keeping the focus on Katara by asking her to elaborate on her thought process.

Katara: “Ugh. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

A bit harsh, but Katara is experiencing a huge amount of emotional pain with the reopening of this wound. She is in no mood to be questioned (which is not to say that she shouldn’t be questioned) and that is valid.

Aang: “Wait, stop! I do understand. You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?”

Of all the moments that anti-Aang people disingenuously twist out of context, this is one of the most common. These individuals claim that Aang is belittling and dismissing Katara’s feelings by comparing the loss of her mother to the loss of Appa. This is a braindead take for three reasons:

Aang’s rage at the sandbenders wasn’t just about ‘losing Appa’. It was about being the sole survivor of a horrific genocide and losing the last piece he had of his people.

He puts Katara’s pain on the same level as the pain he feels regarding said genocide. If that isn’t taking her feelings seriously, I don’t know what the fuck is.

The whole reason he is making this comparison is not to determine whose trauma is greater, but to establish that he and Katara have common emotional ground upon which they can build a dialogue.

Zuko: “She needs this, Aang. This is about closure and justice.”

Frankly, I think it’s a bit audacious of Zuko to claim he knows what Katara needs when he’s been on normal speaking terms with her for a total of, what, 30 minutes? Still, I believe his heart is in the right place here.

Aang: “I don’t think so. I think it’s about getting revenge.”

And now, Aang voices his concern. Given how well Aang knows Katara, coupled with Zuko’s use of the word ‘justice’ regarding her mother’s killer, it is not at all unreasonable for him to assume that violent revenge might be on the cards. Katara immediately validates this assumption.

Katara: “Fine, maybe it is! Maybe that’s what I need! Maybe that’s what he deserves!”

I actually love this line; it’s not often that heroes in YA fantasies get to shed all pretense of morality and openly admit that base revenge is what they’re after. It makes Katara intensely believable in this episode.

Aang: “Katara, you sound like Jet.”

Aang reminds us of a vital lesson here: while it’s important to support your friends, it’s equally important to challenge them when you see them going down a potentially self-destructive path. That is what separates being a ride-or-die from being an enabler.

Katara: “It’s not the same! Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he’s a monster.”

Every word here is true, but the Gaang didn’t encounter Jet until he was many years into his unique brand of ‘freedom fighting’. Who’s to say he didn’t start out with Katara’s reasoning? Sokka seems to be thinking along these lines…

Sokka: “Katara, she was my mother too, but I think Aang might be right.”

Katara: “Then you didn’t love her the way I did!”

I have mixed feelings about this line. On the one hand, Katara is a child who has undergone immense trauma, and she has every right to express that. On the other, having trauma does not give you license to be cruel to others. There aren’t any easy answers here, which, again, is what makes Katara’s character especially fascinating in this episode.

Sokka: “Katara!”

Aang: “The monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper. While you watch your enemy go down, you’re being poisoned yourself.”

Some might say this line is a bit preachy. Myself, I think Aang is speaking the way the monks taught him to in moments of conflict. Metaphors can be powerful tools for conveying meaning when regular words aren’t cutting through.

Zuko: “That’s cute, but this isn’t Air Temple pre-school. It’s the real world.”

And here we have a deeply problematic comment from Zuko.

Now before the torches and pitchforks come out, let me clarify: I do not think Zuko is an active bigot. At all. It is indisputable, however, that he was brought up in a racist, imperialist society. Let’s take a closer look at what he says here:

“That’s cute, but this isn’t Air Temple pre-school.” What we have here is an example of infantilization; Zuko is essentially calling one of the pillars of Air Nomad culture childish nonsense.

“It’s the real world.” Implying that the Air Nomads’ worldview is simple-minded and incompatible with the world as it is.

Now let’s compare Zuko’s words to what Ozai says to Aang in their final struggle.

Ozai: “You are weak! Just like the rest of your people! They did not deserve to exist in this world!”

“That’s cute,”

“You are weak!”

“It’s the real world.”

“They did not deserve to exist in this world!”

I repeat, I don’t think Zuko is being consciously racist here, and I am certainly not comparing him as a person to his father. What I AM saying is that both Zuko and Ozai were raised on the same diet of Fire Nation propaganda, and that this propaganda still colours Zuko’s worldview to some extent.

Katara: “Now that I know he’s out there… now that I know we can find him, I feel like I have no choice.”

Katara is effectively and honestly communicating her feelings here.

Aang: “Katara, you do have a choice: forgiveness.”

And Aang is seriously engaging with those feelings. Note: he isn’t saying that Katara has to forgive (he is perfectly content with her decision not to forgive Yon Rha at the episode’s conclusion); he is simply pointing out that she does, in fact, have a choice.

Zuko: “That’s the same as doing nothing!”

Not gonna lie, not a fan of Zuko in this moment. And if we ever needed proof that Aang is the more emotionally mature of the two, it comes with the next line.

Aang: “No, it isn’t. It’s easy to do nothing… but it’s hard to forgive.”

Some excellent wisdom, spoken from a place of experience.

Katara: “It’s not just hard. It’s impossible.”

Again, Katara expressing her truth. Again, totally valid.

I’m gonna skip ahead just a bit to when Aang and Sokka find Zuko and Katara preparing to steal Appa, as this is an important moment.

Katara: “Don’t try to stop us.”

Aang: “I wasn’t planning to. This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man. But when you do, please don’t choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.”

Aang has expressed his concerns, but he has also listened to Katara and recognizes that this is something she needs to do. He provides the use of Appa and offers some final words of wisdom, which have a huge impact on Katara later in the episode.

Zuko: “Okay, we’ll be sure to do that, guru goody-goody.”

Wow. Just… wow.

Katara: “Thank you for understanding.”

We all know how the story goes from here: Katara and Zuko go on their quest, Katara continues to spiral into darkness, and when the big moment finally comes, she chooses not to lower herself to Yon Rha’s level.

So, to conclude:

Thoughts on Katara: People should give Katara a break. Sure, she’s kind of a jerk in this episode, but she is also 14(15?) and dealing with a lot. We can be critical of some of the specific language she uses, but we shouldn’t be critical of her expressing her trauma.

Another point worth noting: while Aang’s advice does play a role in Katara’s ultimate decision not to murder Yon Rha (as per Bryke’s own words), she isn’t just blindly following his recommendations. She spares her mother’s killer, but she does it on her own terms. Which is excellent.

Thoughts on Zuko: As mentioned previously, I do think Zuko’s desire to help Katara in this episode is genuine. Having said that, I also think his judgement is being clouded both by his projected feelings towards Ozai (his own Yon Rha) and a desire to get what he wants (in this case, Katara’s approval). If Katara’s well-being were truly his ultimate motivator, I don’t believe he would have been so dismissive of Aang’s concerns.

Though, to his credit, Zuko does acknowledge in the end that Aang had been right all along.

Thoughts on Aang: In the DVD commentary for this episode, the creators talk about how, in many ways, The Southern Raiders is actually a story about Aang and Katara; that Aang’s words are present with Katara throughout the episode as her shoulder angel, not judging her or telling her what to do, but helping her find her way through the darkness. This is a beautiful (yet realistically imperfect) moment in their relationship, and I am here for it.

#avatar the last airbender #katara #zuko #aang #kataang

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asimplearchivist · 9 months

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' 𝕐𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕞𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝔽𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 '

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐕 𝐨𝐟 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄, 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊.

[𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓶𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓼𝓽'𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽] AO3 | SPOTIFY | PINTEREST summary ✴ ⤏ when the kids grow restless during the weekend, you entreat optimus to take the group of you out for 'educational' purposes—all goes well until a thunderstorm strikes, but it could have resulted worse. pairing ✴ tfp!optimus prime/reader word count ✴ 15.1k a/n ✴ ⤏ I’ve never actually been to sequoia national park, but I read up on it a little and found out you can’t just camp anywhere in the park - but for the sake of this fanfic, I’m going to tweak it a little. thus is the beauty of fanfiction, I suppose. also, since it’s kind of in the middle of the school year, there’s not a lot of people visiting the park so optimus has more leniency on not being confined to his altmode than he would normally (plus he has scanners that would detect anyone nearby). ⤏ on a smaller note, ‘s’mol’lis’ is derived from latin ‘mollis solis’, which means ‘soft sunlight’. because cybertronian (at least according to fanon, which I accept as canon) uses a lot of adjective strings describing the word they’re saying all at the same time on different frequencies (see: the masterpiece that is Fortuna Primigenia by SS_Shitstorm), it might be difficult to derive every meaning from hearing it, especially taking into account the fact that we can neither hear all the frequencies they use nor fully understand their language to begin with, but this is can be taken as the full meaning of the word even though it’s technically a descriptor. consider it a term of endearment that’s really subtle but not really a term of endearment at the same time - it’s just how optimus sees you. I also picked latin because that’s what many of the names are derived from and it’s just convenient as well as ancient/alien-sounding when you tweak it a little. ⤏ now that I think about it, this oneshot has a lot of similarities to FP, actually…consider it an homage of sorts, since it’s been my most recent reread of it that inspired me enough to finish this old thing. :) the poem referenced is ‘Serenade’ by Mary Weston Fordham!

“Truth or dare.”

“Um...truth.”

Miko groaned. “You’ve been picking truth this whole time!”

Raf shifted nervously, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he glanced at Miko from his laptop. “You made Jack lick the floor.”

“He’s got a point,” you said, looking up from your textbook.

Miko groaned a little louder, folding her arms and pouting. “You guys are no fun.”

“No one likes licking the floor, Miko. And I would hope you don’t.” You jotted down a definition in your notebook. “He’s still brushing his teeth. He’s been in there for ten minutes.”

“Of course no one does! That’s the point!” the girl cried, her bangs falling into her face. She brushed them behind her ear with an irritated huff. “Fine. What’s a place you want to go to?”

Raf perked up a bit at this, seemingly relieved that it was a relatively tame question from the Japanese girl. “Oh, uh...well, Italy is up there, since that’s where my family is from...but one of my cousins went to Yosemite and he said it was really pretty there. I’d love to see the trees.”

“Yeah, that’s always been on my bucket list, too,” you admitted. You reached for one of the highlighters strewn on the couch cushion next to you, marking an important quote on the page. “I read that they get up to two hundred and fifty feet.” Miko’s eyes rounded. “Wow, that’s like...fifty Optimuses!”

“Only about eight,” Raf corrected, “and it would be Optimi, since his name is derived from Latin the way we understand it, but yeah. Puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?”

Miko stuck her tongue out at the boy, and you chuckled softly. “What about you, Miko? Got anywhere you want to visit?”

“Besides Cybertron?” she quipped, casting a glance towards the groundbridge looming far behind you. “Not really. I’ve been to most places I’ve wanted to go already.”

“By sneaking in through a groundbridge,” Jack grumbled from the stairwell. He still looked worryingly pale, a stark ivory against his jet-black hair.

Your brow furrowed. “You okay?”

“Fine,” he said, raising a palm and sinking into the couch between you and Raf, jumping and scooping the writing supplies towards you. “Remind me next time why I won’t play truth or dare with Miko ever again.”

“Hey!” she cried, and you rolled your eyes with a fond smile.

“Let him lie, Miko. He’s just had a traumatic experience. Who knows what’s been on these floors.”

She huffed, but seemed to drop it nevertheless. She turned her attention to you. “What about you? Truth or dare?”

“You already know my answer,” you responded.

The girl growled. “I might start playing with ‘Bee. He’s more fun.” She tilted her head, rubbing at her chin as Jack muttered a quiet ‘you mean more gullible’ that she, thankfully, didn’t hear. She shot Raf a look when he snickered, though. “Hmm…what about...nah.” She pursed her lips and studied you intensely, as though she were trying to read your mind. You felt dread begin to bubble low in your belly. “Do you...oh!” She straightened sharply, eyes lighting up with mischief. “Do you have a crush on anybody?”

You stilled, feeling your stomach grow cold and leaden. You tried to play off your hesitation by giving her a pointed glance before returning your attention to your homework. “No.”

Unfortunately, the girl was better at reading people than you’d hoped. An absolute shit-eating grin twisted her face and she leaned forward conspiratorially. “Oooh, you dooo!”

“I do not,” you tried again, but you felt your face betray you by warming at her accusation. Dammit, self.

Your denial only served to excite her further. “Oh my god - who is it? Is it someone at school? Someone in your class? Is he hot?”

“Miko!” Jack reprimanded, looking like he was suffering from secondhand embarrassment. He gave her a scandalized glare. “Leave her alone. She said she doesn’t.”

“But she’s blushing!” the girl insisted, gesturing towards your face. You ducked your head on reflex. “You only blush when you’re guilty!”

“It’s because you keep heckling her!” Jack persisted.

“Like you’re one to talk, lover boy!” Miko crooned. “‘Oh, ‘Sierra’ this, ‘Sierra’ that - you’re no better than a girl!” She froze, then nearly gave herself whiplash looking back at you. “Oh! Is it the guy on the track team? I saw him talking to you during lunch the other day!”

“He was asking for my chemistry notes because he couldn’t be bothered to take them himself,” you deadpanned.

“Still! Isn’t that how every high school rom-com starts out? Hot jock asks all-A’s nerd for her notes and they end up plastered over the hood of his car by the end of the movie?”

“Miko!” Jack exclaimed, leaning protectively over Raf, whose cheeks had turned bright red. He looked like he was trying to melt behind the safety of his laptop screen. “Stop that!”

“What?” she demanded. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

You tried to will away the blush saturating your cheeks. “That doesn’t mean you should - just chill, Miko, I don’t have a crush on anyone at school.”

Unfortunately, you seemed to have only shot yourself in the foot. Miko began to vibrate in earnest, and some distant aspect in the back of your mind that had a maternal love for the girl was worried that she would hit a frequency that would make her phase through the loveseat. “So you do have a crush on someone!” she squealed.

“Would you four quiet down?” Ratchet hollered from the computer terminal. “Some of us are trying to retain our hearing, you know!”

“Afraid of losing it, Docbot?” Miko called back, making you choke on your own spit.

“What?”

“Shut up, Miko,” Jack hissed, ducking his head to avoid the fire cast your way by blazing cyan optics. “Just shut up.”

“Sorry!” you called, crossing your toes within your shoes. You hadn’t written your will yet.

Fortunately, Ratchet didn’t seem too particularly inclined to commit homicide that day, and only gave Miko a hard look before returning his attention to his work with a low grumble of what could’ve been Cybertronian.

You looked back at Miko with furrowed brows and pursed lips, scolding her with your eyes. She shrugged with a smug smile.

“Anyway,” you pressed, “I don’t have a crush on anyone right now, and I’d appreciate it if you’d kindly drop the subject.”

“Fine,” she groaned dramatically. “But I will find out who it is eventually.”

You rolled your eyes again at her insistence, deciding to be the bigger person and refocus on your homework. The four of you lapsed into silence for a long while, the scratch of your pencil and the clicking from Raf’s keyboard filling the silence with a familiar ambiance. Jack seemed to be enduring an existential crisis from the horror he’d experienced (despite the fact that he had willingly taken part of it at Miko’s challenge), but you had the bad sense that Miko was plotting because she was being too quiet, even if she had resumed scratching in her sketchpad with a bright pink pencil.

It was never a good thing for Miko to be quiet.

Distantly, you heard the door of the silo crank open, followed by the deep, familiar rumble of the local Prime’s engine. You perked up and peered over the back of the couch, watching him emerge into the hangar and slow to a smooth stop. He transformed, but while you tried to follow all the moving parts, your eyes failed you. You were sure it would never cease to amaze you.

“Hi, Optimus!” Raf called in greeting, catching his attention. As he drew up to his full height, he regarded the four of you with warm optics and that familiar barely-there smile, returning the sentiment. You cast him a small grin before returning to your studies.

“Did you find anything?” you heard Ratchet ask him.

“Unfortunately not,” rumbled the Prime. You counted his footsteps until he stopped (likely near the medic) - five heavy, even thuds of metal on concrete. “The signals I did track only led to small deposits that are still forming. I saved the coordinates for later observation.”

Ratchet hummed, and you heard him drumming his digit tips on the hollow kibble of his forearm. “We’ve got enough to last two weeks, give or take, not accounting for emergencies. I’d advise checking our usual deposits within the next few days.”

“Noted.” There was a long pause. You could swear you felt your ears burning, but it faded almost as soon as you noticed it. “Where are the others?”

“Patrol. They’re trying to put off their bimonthly physicals,” the medic scoffed. “You’re the ever-noble leader - would you care to set a good example?”

Optimus let out a low hum, but you were surprised to notice that he didn’t sound very pleased. If you dared to consider it, it almost sounded as though he was filled with dread. Nevertheless, he responded, “Of course, old friend.”

He must not like doctor’s appointments, either. Relatable.

“I’ve been meaning to check the pneumatics in your shoulders and upper spinal strut,” Ratchet said absently, and you heard him clicking on the computer console. You glanced over your shoulder and saw that he’d moved over to the monitor he used for medical readouts, squinting and noticing that he was bringing up schematics of Optimus’ frame. “Ever since that incident in the last energon mine, I’ve noticed you’re not lifting as much as you usually do.”

“There is a lingering ache,” Optimus acquiesced quietly, as though hesitant to admit it. “Do you suspect there is some damage?”

“Possibly. You weren’t built a weight-lifting frame type by any means - the fact you held nearly the entirety of the cave ceiling up for as long as you did was by a pure miracle. You certainly aren’t Bulkhead.” Ratchet stroked his chin briefly, then pointed to the rotator joints connecting Optimus’ arms to the concave cuffs that housed them. “I suspect you might have strained the cabling, at the least. That would be the easiest to fix. If there’s a tear in the joint itself, I’ll have to patch it and you’ll have to rehabilitate.”

“I don’t feel the damage is that severe,” Optimus responded almost immediately.

Also doesn’t like being under the knife, you observed sympathetically.

Then an idea occurred to you, and you didn’t stop to consider the pros and cons of it before you spoke up.

“Do you mind if I sit and watch?” you called to Ratchet, catching both mechs and the other kids’ attention. “I’ve been meaning to ask you more about Cybertronian physiology, but it kept slipping my mind.”

Almost as soon as Ratchet opened his mouth, probably to refuse your request if you knew him well at all, Optimus’ optics brightened minutely. “Of course.”

“Optimus,” Ratchet started, staring at him askance. “You realize it will be incredibly invasive - I need to check the integrity of your sparkchamber, among other things-”

“You can prioritize around that, can you not?” the Prime inquired evenly. “It wouldn’t hurt for her to observe everything else. She could depart whenever it came to that.” Optimus cast a look at you, pointed and appraising. “Correct?”

“Yeah,” you agreed, catching the medic’s optics. “I’ll leave when you get to the nitty-gritty stuff.”

Ratchet’s mouth worked wordlessly, optics flickering as he gesticulated in half-aborted movements (such a hand-talker, he was). When it was apparent that he wasn’t going to win the argument (if one could even call it that - he’d been in checkmate the moment Optimus had given you his blessing), the medic ex-vented heavily and cast his optics towards the ceiling. “Very well. But only you can observe,” he pressed with a firm look to Miko, “and for the love of Primus don’t distract me with any lead-helmed questions. It takes long enough to perform physicals without an observer.” He paused, then mumbled to himself, “So much for doctor-patient confidentiality.”

“You needn’t fix it if it isn’t broken,” Optimus pointed out, and you spotted the subtle curve on the corner of his mouth.

Ratchet shook his helm, grumbling low in his chassis, and started towards the corridor. He made a beckoning gesture over his pauldron, and Optimus cast you a glance before following. You smiled giddily and set your homework aside, hurrying across the mezzanine and down the stairwell. You thought you might’ve heard one of the kids snickering, but you were too caught up in your excitement to take true notice of it.

Read the rest of the chapter here! :)

#fisara's codices #fanfiction #transformers #transformers: prime #tfp #maccadam #macaddam #optimus prime #reader insert #optimus prime/reader #optimus prime x reader #mine #optimus prime x you

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let-the-living-beware · 1 year

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Some Diabolik Lovers terms explained

Haru note: So when I first really got into Diabolik Lovers, I immediatly got introduced to a bunch of terms that weren't in the anime. From the other races to phrases like Pandemonium and I wondered if they're just made up words but after reading into Paradise Lost I was presented with a term that wasn't made up and so I tried to find some "meaning" for the other ones. Have fun!

Disclaimer: This is purely my understanding and research. I am also not part of any of the mentioned religions and don't intend any harm, I am just reciting what I find. If I said anything that is wrong please ask/dm me or just comment and I will edit it to be more accurate.

Specific buildings

Eden (Castle) - So first of we got the most obvious thing. This is a reference to the Garden of Eden in wich Adam and Eve lived before Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge and everything went downhill.

Banmaden/Pandemonium - I couldn't actually find anything refering to the term 'Banmaden' (万魔殿) that hasn't anything to do with Diabolik Lovers and in an last effort I tried using google translate (I know, very reliable so dont quote me on the next part). After putting it in, and after I only got 'Manmaden' back, it also said that it was chinese. Chinese than seemed to be more accurate with 'Hall of All Devils' but like I said don't quote me on that.

Now to 'Pandemonium' and this is definetly easier. First of I got a game but I doubt that is what they were refering to. They probably refered to the capital of hell in the epic Paradise Lost from the poet John Milton. The book describes it as hosting all evil and that it was build by the fallen angels.

Places/Diseases

Rotigenberg - I first translated it to 'rotten mountain' as berg in german means mountain but after checking the spelling of 'Rotig' it doesnt seem that plausable anymore. Still this is the best I could do since my Japanese isn't really good (in fact it is really bad) and I couldnt find anything outside Diabolik lovers since, when looking up the japanese spelling 'ローティゲンベルク' I could only find Japanese websites selling Diabolik Lovers stuff and a Bavarian village.

Endzeit - Here I was to 80% sure that it originates from the german language and originally translated it to 'Endtime' (or End of time but that wouldn't be the literal translation as it isn't written 'Ende der Zeit'). But I wasn't happy with just that and after looking it up I also found out that it is a religious concept that describes the time before the end of the world. What it specifically is, is different depending if you are a Christian or Jewish.

In the jewish perception, Endzeit will begin with the arrival of the messiah and can only be prevented by humans having equity and peace.

After the new testament in the bible Endzeit comes before the second coming of christ and the last judgement.

I don't know how this relates to Endzeit in Diabolik Lovers besides maybe as a metaphor? But I don't wanna go into the theory stuff in this post.

Extra

Kino - You probably ask yourself why I would have a name in this. Well, simply because I find it funny and you will now find out why.

So when I first read his name I thought they were kidding or it really was a name in japan and it is but not how that little motherfucker gets written. Our Kino it written キノ wich is just his name with the Katakana alphabet (キ= 'ki' ; ノ= 'no') but the japanese name Kino gets written like this 木野 with the, I am not quite sure, Kanji aplhabet (木= 'tree, wood' ; 野= 'plains, field, rustic, civilian life')

But that doesn't justify why I find it funny and that is how we get back to German because Kino is just the german word for cinema.

#I feel intellectual #diabolik lovers #diabolik oc #shin tsukinami #yuma mukami #shu sakamaki #carla tsukinami #reiji sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #diabolik lovers kino #ruki mukami #kou mukami #azusa mukami #diabolik boys

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martianbugsbunny · 16 days

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MartianBugsBunny Reviews: The Music of Wish

I'v been working on this for the past week or so and I have now seen the movie...eight times I think? Four on one Sunday and four on the next lmao

Let’s get the basics out of the way first! Overall, a lot of these songs were mediocre but probably would’ve been things I’d sing in the shower ad nauseam if it weren’t for one or two really horrible lines. That’s kind of the overall theme of the music from Wish, to be honest. I liked the music/tunes of most of these, though. I also noticed that the lyrics have this weird dichotomy of “let’s rhyme these things even if it doesn’t make sense” and “let’s just not care about the rhymes,” both of which were kind of off-putting to me.

I think the voices they got to sing this stuff were MEGA wasted. Ariana DeBose has the most heavenly voice; her higher register has a gorgeous sound. Chris Pine is better at singing than I would've expected. Both of them are good at those subtle shifts in pitch (I think it's called melisma? but don't quote me on that) that I can and will go nuts over. They deserved better material to work with. Now onto the specifics! I’m gonna rank each song out of ten (totally arbitrary lol) and ramble about why for a while. It's not too long, so if you have a little time on yours hands, read on and enjoy!

Welcome To Rosas 5/10 Not bad. It terms of tune, it has some decent flavor, but the lyrics are pretty forgettable. I think using a song to set up the concepts that they did was a good idea, like the first song in Encanto, but I just don't like it much. I think part of that is the informal tone??? like when Asha says "so like, we have this king" or "I'm totally kidding" or "oh hey, did I mention," that kinda gets on my nerves. and yes, I'm well aware that's a little hypocritical bc The Family Madrigal did some of the same things, but WTR isn't super strong to begin with so I instantly become more annoyed at the little details. Also, Asha's literally being a tour guide for the kingdom and that's not professional imo.

At All Costs …… I’m not scoring this one. I don’t know how to. I’m addicted to the chorus, that’s the first thing I’ll say; I watched Wish four times on the first day I watched it, and that was the first part I started singing along with. The harmonies get into my gut. But honestly, in terms of context, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The lyrics sound like they should be directed at a person, not inanimate objects, which takes me out of the moment when I’m watching the movie. Some parts are a little clumsy, but if I’m viewing it as a love song it’s stunning, and DeBose and Pine's voices are heavenly together. I will say that subjectively, it's my favorite song in the soundtrack, I fell for it so hard and fast. <3

This Wish 7/10 In terms of Disney “I Want” songs this is at the bottom of the rankings, let’s be real. I like the sound of it, especially the non-syllabic vocalizations at the end of the chorus, but a lot of the lyrics just do not hit. Now, I will say that I saw a lot of people ragging on “to have something more for us than this,” and that’s actually one of my favorite parts of the song. It captures that feeling of longing for more without knowing exactly what that means or how to phrase it out loud so neatly. On the other hand, I definitely agree with the critiques of “throwing caution to every warning sign,” that’s one of my least favorite lyrics in the whole movie.

You’re A Star 6/10 Oddly, this one was less horrible than I expected. It delivered absolutely nothing, don’t get me wrong. It tried to tackle the idea of people and stars being made out of the same stuff and basically living as different notes in the same symphony and failed spectacularly. The big question “have you ever wondered why you look up at the sky for answers?” was one of my favorite lyrics in the entire soundtrack and there was NO payoff. (Plus, if I mixed up “elegant” and “eloquent” in a multi-million dollar movie I would never be able to look myself in the face again.) The entire second half of the song was pure lyrical garbage. But I like the tune and the animals are pretty cute, and despite being relatively hollow I found myself enjoying this one.

This Is The Thanks I Get 7/10 I’ve already said this but I’m gonna repeat myself: tonally this song was all wrong. 0/10 for that if I’m being perfectly honest. Something more along the lines of Hellfire or Be Prepared would’ve hit a lot harder—more sinister, more in line with the descent-into-madness thing that was occurring in the plot, would’ve improved this section of the soundtrack SO MUCH. With that complaint out of the way, the song we got was fine. Some of the lines were either poorly-written or repetitive, but as a whole I kind of enjoy it and would definitely dance around amateurishly in my room to it. It’s just too silly.

Knowing What We Know Now 1/10 This was my least favorite song in the entire movie. I just hate it. The lyrics are so sloppy.

This Wish (Reprise) 7/10 Honestly I think I liked this part better than the original song. Asha starting by herself and gradually being joined by her friends and the entire city was incredibly moving, and I might go so far as to say that this was the most powerful moment of the movie. I also enjoyed the twists on the original lyrics, particularly “we’re past dipping our toes in, we know it’s do or die, it’s sink or swim.” That part just felt really well done.

#I'm hurling this out into the void now #I'm sure I could think of more to say but this is as much as I have the energy or spare brainpower for rn #wish #disney wish #wish 2023 #disney #disney music #welcome to rosas #at all costs #this wish #you're a star #this is the thanks I get #knowing what we know now #this wish reprise #asha #king magnifico #music #martianbugsbunny reviews

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cleekleequlee · 7 months

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Four types of reading (and notes-taking) strategies

The actual doing of a PhD (and research) can be simply described as reading and writing. However, this doesn't tell much about what to read, how to read, and implications for notes-taking and writing, where there are much variations exist than looking from the surface. Should I read book or paper? Full length / cover to cover or just flipping through? Should I write summary of ideas, critiques, or articles? How to organize these notes? These questions are particularly perplexing at the beginning of one's research journey / PhD journey and are easily overwhelming.

Looking back from one year into my PhD (in design, but generally applicable to transdisciplinary studies in wider social sciences / humanities), I see four types of reading that serves different purposes at various stages.

read to scan the landscape

This is the reading that takes a majority of my time in the first year of PhD. The nature of transdisciplinary study determines that a lot of grounds need to be covered before one develops an idea how her research is positioned in historical/disciplinary contexts. In this stage I read widely (and often in rotation) on topics including (looking down from my desk and on the stacks of papers on the ground):

sustainability, degrowth and postgrowth, ecological economics

theories on embodiment, practice theory, cognitive science and ecopsychology

entrepreneurship studies, entrepreneuring, sustainable entrepreneurship

action research and transdisciplinarity

postqualitative methods, more-than-human methods, non-representational theories

Ecofeminism, political ecology, environmental ethics

complexity theories

Once I was asked the question "are PhDs really that busy?", I tried to describe my confused, lost and almost drowning feeling at the start of my first year. Now I see it is a necessary stage to go through (and maybe experience again when entering new fields) as certain "conceptual system" and vocabulary needs to be established.

The purpose of this stage is not to learn by heart and each theory and author that you encounter, but to "get a rough sense" what are the important themes that interests you in concerned fields. Therefore I don't recommend reading books too early in this process and spend too much time do detailed reading and notes-taking. Sometimes even just doing abstract reading is enough. Also as in this early stage you don't necessarily have the research question, or it is still very roughly phrased, some common advices like "read with a question", or to follow Niklas Luhmann to not to quote what you are reading but make connection to your question simply don't apply.

This stage is like how life and pattern is emerging from chaos... what matters are the general feeling of the field in general, recognition of a few key authors, and identifying a few groundbreaking articles/books and good review articles.

In terms of notes-taking, I heavily rely on physical copies of paper (despite not best for the environment). Printed copies leave physical artifacts which 1) remind us their existence 2) can be re-organized and re-grouped later according to our latest conceptual model.

I find writing a few points that touches me (not necessarily the authors' most important arguments) on the top of the cover page of the paper works for me. If time allows I may put them into Roam Research (my notes-taking app), but it is not compulsory. But leaving multiple traces of materials encountered, including print it out, add entry in endnote, and write down authors and book/paper titles in one central place (e.g., Roam Research, not a random notebook!) are highly recommended. This would help tramendously particularly in stage 3.

2. read to understand the fundamentals

By the end of the first stage, you should be 1) developing a sense what a field is about and how it is related or different from relevent fields 2) what are the most important theories and authors that everyone start their research with. The second type of reading is therefore to single out these authors and their most important work. For papers I suggest to read them in full length. For books deep reading at least introduction chapter and selective chapters of interest. Take good notes including important definitions, concepts and quotes. Mark clearly citation and page numbers. These reading notes will be used again and again in the future for writing conference papers / journal articles / thesis.

I have to admit this kind of reading is a luxury particularly given my "academic ADHD" that I described in the last post. However, I see this deep reading and engagement with important writers fundamental in forming my own thinking. Also, when presented a new theory, the first impression may be the sharpest in terms of potential conflicts with existing knowledge. This provides perfect entry for critical evaluation and development of your own thoughts. Therefore I do recommend active reading (as suggested in "how to read a book") and to write your first reactions either on the margin of the book, in a notebook or in your notes-taking system.

When it comes to this deep engagement with books/papers, notes-taking is always a struggle. On one hand, reading offline (facing book and notebook, not a screen) helps me to concentrate and think. On the other hand, offline written notes present real challenge to locate in future research. I don't have a definite answer on this yet.. Sometimes I take notes in Roam directly, other times I write notes with pen and paper (but seldomly type them into Roam). I'm also trying to take picture of my notes and upload to Roam, so that I may be able to read some of my notes when the time comes.

3. read to compare and write

This is the time I'm going through right now, developing my confirmation report and some other revision / paper projects. What precedents this stage is a rough structure of the thing you are writing - an outline and a few sentences to describe what you want to write for each section. These ideas are generated from the stew of type 1 and type 2 reading, and there is no linear process to reach them. But once you've got there, then you have better idea of what is the thing you are developing based on which topics or even authors you have read.

The writing / notes-taking in this stage happens directly in the work (paper or report) I developing and serves directly the objective of dedicated section. I will collect notes I've taken in the previous stages, locate the text in books/papers that is most relevant to my goal here, and write paragraphs in the paper. Note the writing here is not general introduction of theories, but really pinned down to specific views and their connections / differences.

4. read to go beyond / get new perspectives

The way academic research, particularly PhD research, is usually framed is a constant zooming in and narrowing down. But this can be dangerous sometimes. It is not uncommon in my reading hopping across different disciplines to find scholars in different fields are concerned with very similar problems with different vocabularies. Notably there are usually certain biases within a field that are not visible from within the field but only from a completely different field.

An example is that sustainable entrepreneurship is often stuck with either three intersecting circles of social, economic and environmental and a concentric model with economic in the middle circled by the social and then the environmental. But essentially both of them has an inherent dualism, viewing human and nature goals as competing, or seeing material and energy dependence the only connection between human and nature. Reading anthropology (e.g., Descola or Ingold) provides a completely different view on this.

Again this is probably against what "proper academic research" is supposed to be, but it is my belief that a lot of value could be created by these distant comparing and making sense of. So when I have some flexibility in time, I would attend speeches and seminars that seem don't have much to do with my topic, listen to non-relevant podcast and follow some of the interesting references they provide. This kind of reading is loose and free flow, without goals in mind. But I believe in the long-term they will become seeds feeding into another cycle starting from type 1 reading.

I do acknowledge that every research is different, so should be the strategies for reading. My way of learning is quite broad which may not make sense for everyone. I do think there is a big mystery in terms of how we are reading and writing and there are different patterns in different stages. You are welcome to share yours!

Photo credit

#wayfaring phd #reading and writing #transdisciplinarity

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amberskywrites · 5 months

Text

About the Blog!

My name's Amber, and welcome to my writblr! Previously this was solely a fanfic blog, however, I have decided to change it and begin posting all sorts of writing-related things. This is just general info about the functioning of this blog, a proper writblr introduction will be linked below with more details about me specifically.

Some quick info, before we get into the housekeeping below the cut ^^

I accept prompts! I'll do my best to write any I receive, with a few exceptions:

I refuse to write anything NSFW, and Incest or Pedophilic ships

I also have the right to not answer prompts I just don't feel comfortable writing. This can be for any reason.

To send in a prompt, just go to my ask box or feel free to DM me on... any of my socials, honestly. Just make sure I know you're requesting a written prompt if you're DMing me somewhere else! ^^ If requesting from a prompt list, please specify which prompt list (either by the list's name or a link - link is preferred)

Some links and my other accounts

Main blog: @ambersky0319 || Art blog: @ambersky-art

Masterpost

Discord: Ambersky0319

AO3: ambersky0319

Writblr Introduction (WIP)

Housekeeping

Tagging System, Weekly Schedule, Fandoms

Tagging System

amberskywrites : any of my writing

ambersky ocs : any of my oc stuff

ambersky ask : asks sent to me

amber's fic : my fanfic writing

amber's original work : my original writing (snippets, WIP intros, etc.)

morning/noon/night reblog : self-reblog at a different time of day

other's work : reblogging or posting submissions of other people's work

memes : self-explanatory

writing tips : self-explanatory

resources : links, also tend to be under the writing tips tag

prompts : individual prompts, prompt lists, etc.

prompt fill : I have added on/used the prompt

stats update : updates about wc, writing time, etc.

housekeeping : pinned post, masterposts, etc.

masterpost : self-explanatory

tag/ask game : interacting with asks via the askbox or participating in games where you tag other people

tag post : responding in the tags to something (ex: oc tag posts)

oc: _ : when I'm tagging any of my ocs in a post that's not writing

original work : any original work (mine or others)

fanfic : any fanfic (mine or others)

wip: _ : my tag for any of my WIP's that is not actual writing

Weekly Schedule

[fandom name] : the fandom name/tag will be used (ex: dp x dc)

misc : doesn't fall under any of the other categories (ex: quotes, positivity posts, etc.)

Starting January 1, 2024. Originally I had planned for certain days to correlate with certain themes. I've decided I don't want to do that actually, but I will have some kind of schedule anyways for personal things! Everything else will just be put in the queue and be posted when it posts ^^

Monday | OC Stuff

Tuesday | N/A

Wednesday | Worldbuilding Stuff

Thursday | N/A

Friday | Fanfic Posting

Saturday | N/A

Sunday | N/A

Depending on how often I write, stat posts (word counts, time written, favorite excerpt, etc.) will be posted either daily, every other day, or weekly.

Fandoms

Includes fandoms that I am in - and therefore will likely reblog fics from - and fandoms that I write or am willing to write for. Note that these lists are very likely to change, so feel free to check in once in a while.

Will Write & Reblog:

Nanatsu no Taizai/The Seven Deadly Sins

Stardew Valley

Trafficblr/The Life Series

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Avatar the Last Airbender

How to Train Your Dragon

The Owl House

Hilda

Danny Phantom

Buddy Daddies

Nimona

The Umbrella Academy

Will Only Reblog:

The Dragon Prince

Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts

Carmen Sandiego

Soul Eater

Castlevania

Arcane

All of Us Are Dead

The Arcana

Kingdom (Netflix)

My Little Pony (Gen 4)

The Sandman

Lumine

unOrdinary

Danny Phantom x DC

The Legend of Zelda (Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom)

Tangled / Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure / Varian and the Seven Kingdoms

SpyxFamily

#housekeeping #amberskywrites #writblr #writeblr

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ineffabildaddy · 2 months

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1, 12, 22 :)

hi!! thank u for showing an interest in my writing ehe

do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

it depends!! for fics that i know are gonna be longer than 1000 words, more often than not i do a lot of daydreaming, and i effectively start writing it in my head (usually at work lol) before i put anything down on paper/on the screen. but then, i'll get ideas for things that i know will be short - like, a line will come to me and i'll need to expand on it immediately - and i can basically bang those out straight away (not that they're very good lol)

12. do you outline your fics? if so, how detailed are your outlines? how far do you stray from them?

it depends!

the most detailed outlining i've done is for just up the stairs, a fic i wrote with @foolishlovers which @omens-for-ophelia illustrated (final chapter up soon), because 1. we all needed to know what was going on before we started writing/while we were writing and 2. i was directly responding to things someone else had written/ideas someone else had had (which was really really fun!!!!) so inevitably it led to far more notetaking than i would usually do

i usually just keep step-by-step outlines in my head, because largely there is far more porn than plot in my fics lol, but i do make detailed notes about certain moments as i think of them before i start writing, or once i've started writing but i've not got to a particular moment yet. that said, it's very rare that i forget anything i intend to put in a fic luckily

i very rarely stray from an outline - only if i find something realllly isn't working, like with this fic, for example - writing chapter 6 involved writing a bunch of different outlines that inevitably didn't work the way i wanted them to, so i just had to write some face-sitting and vibe with the horny side of things eventually ldkflkjfg

22. do you title your fics before, during or after the writing process? how do you come up with titles?

it really depends on the content of the fic - in the beginning, i titled my fics with quotes from the actual fics themselves, but after a while i started using song lyrics/song titles most of the time because i couldn't always find a way of doing that which sounded good. i find titles really really difficult and i wish i was better at them😭

#good omens #ask game #fanfic #ineffabildaddy

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its-a-hil · 7 months

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ok. random question. literally from the random question generator at randomwordgenerator dot cahm: What's your go-to funny story now, but was horrendous at that moment?

(i think it gave me a question i already know but eh shoot)

hm.

alright i think this is actually more of the reverse than the forward direction, but sure

when i was in middle school, i was such a horrible procrastinator (note: i am still one of those) that i often wrote rough drafts of essays during lunch

(the one year in middle school i didnt do this was when i had english 1st period. tbh i wish my schedule had worked out like that all 3 years, but alas)

but i got so comfortable just throwing out words with a pencil that i kept doing it and now i almost never edit anything bc i need to write it all in one go or it's wrong

but final drafts still had to be typed & printed, so it was only my rough drafts that were like this

fast forward to high school, and rough drafts became less of a thing

my compulsion to procrastinate did not.

oh also relevant here is that i was emotionally incapable of asking for an extension or submitting online after class or anything

so.

senior year of high school. we had an essay to write on Twelfth Night, where we had to pick a word that was repeated a few times and discuss its effect on the story

i picked 'fancy' and used it to argue the absolute bullshit point that it meant the whole thing was a dream, because i had no other ideas and my brain refused to set aside time to do something more reasonable

except.

i did not begin writing until lunch of that day.

i did not have access to the computer lab i had planned to write the essay in.

i pleaded with a friend to lend me his laptop, on which i did the most frantic writing of my life. i dont remember if i ate any food during that lunch period.

(according to my diary i also said something shitty to that friend even as he was doing me a massive favor, which. god.)

looking at the document now (ty google drive), it seems that i didnt actually finish the essay, just wrote notes on the different uses of the word

im not sure if it was just a rough draft or notes kind of thing that was due, or if i lucked out and the essay was extended or something? unclear

but what is clear is that i wrote 440 words in just over an hour, and that's not counting the quotes i had to transcribe (which also made up over 400 words)

the following night i turned it into an actual 750ish word essay in also about an hour, bc. yeah. (i still didn't write an intro until i printed it out during study hall the next day lmao)

so anyway the essay was shit, the teacher was genuinely confused and pulled me aside after the class where she handed the essays back

note: she was also the theater teacher & that semester i was doing the play afterschool, and i think she knew i was better than what i handed in

in my defense i was fairly depressed that couple of months, partially due to an responsibility that i did not realize i could easily say no to. the only consequence that refusing that responsibility would have had is that i would have hated myself less and possibly liked engineering more

oh also looking at my diary apparently that was also the week that i taught precalc bc the teacher's partner was suddenly out for paternity leave and i had an essentially free period during the precalc class

so yeah that's probably the third most interesting week of my senior after the week that we had the play performances and the week i was out in the hospital when my lungs spontaneously collapsed

the funniest part of that story is that it took me another 3ish years to realize that i wanted to be a teacher, and another 2 years after that to act on that desire. lmao

anyway bc im sure you freaks want to see it, im putting the essay under the cut

Actual essay:

Twelfth Night is one of Shakespeare’s most fantastical plays. Even without the use of magic, the supposedly realistic events are completely improbable. There is evidence that the play was intended to be a fantasy, and throughout the play, the word “fancy” is used to suggest to the audience that the events of the play are little more than a fanciful construction of Orsino��s mind.

Orsino speaks four of the six instances of “fancy” or “fantasy.” Two of these instances come in his first monologue, right at the beginning of the play. He claims that “so full of shapes is fancy that it alone is high fantastical” (1.1.14-15). As Adams says, in this passage Orsino claims “that his own imagination is so fertile that it is supremely capricious and whimsical.” (Adams 58). It is odd that the play would start with this double mention of fancy, especially when the word is not mentioned again until the end of Act two. It is even stranger that the plot concludes with Orsino making Viola/Cesario his “fancy’s queen” (5.1.415). Although Feste finishes the play with his final song, this line is the last spoken by any other character, and is a natural conclusion to the play nonetheless. There must be a reason why the play both begins and ends with a word only used six times throughout. This is the most direct clue that the play does not merely describe events in Shakespeare’s mind, but instead describes events in Orsino’s mind.

More clues can be found by examining the other uses of fancy in the play. Sebastian remarks “Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep” after encountering a smitten, and unfamiliar Olivia (4.1.65). This line comes in one of the more fantastical scenes in the play, where Sebastian enters Illyria and is mistaken by everyone for Cesario. Sebastian can only conclude “this is a dream,” and calls upon fancy - imagination - to keep him from waking up. Sebastian addresses fancy as a powerful being, that has the ability to manipulate the world he sees. If the play does take place in Orsino’s imagination, fancy would have this power. Another thing to note about Sebastian’s mention of fancy is that it is in reference to Olivia. Her love for him, and reproach of the men who were dueling him, is the only reason he would want to continue living in this dream.

Olivia is a common subject of fancy, as used in its alternate definition of love. Malvolio, just before seeing Maria’s letter, thinks aloud that “should [Olivia] fancy, it should be one of my complexion” (2.5.24-25). Almost all references to fancy are directly related to Olivia. In fact, every major male character, except her uncle, is in love with Olivia. It is difficult for Orsino to conceive of a character who is not enamored when in the presence of the beautiful lady Olivia. To him, when Olivia enters, “heaven walks on earth” (5.1.99).

Regarding the rest of Malvolio’s scene, it is no less strange than Sebastian’s. The dour puritan begins with a statement of love for his lady, and then follows the insane directions of a letter that apparently describes her love for him, while the pranksters hide and watch in a nearby bush. Orsino’s mentions of “fancy” also take place in strange scenes. Without touching on the chaotic mess that is 5.1, 1.1 regards a Duke, who has been laid low grieving over his unrequited love for Olivia. She, in turn, decides not to admit any suitors until she has spent seven entire years mourning her dead brother. This scene feels almost surreal, setting the stage for the play that is to follow. Since almost every instance of the word fancy comes during a surreal scene, it can be inferred that the word is an indicator - a message to the audience that this play is a fantasy in the mind of Orsino.

There is one more use of “fancy,” however. During the argument between Orsino and Viola, Orsino speaks of men’s fancies as “more longing, wavering… than women’s are” (2.4.41-42). Twelfth Night is certainly long, spanning three months in Illyria, and the play constantly wavers from uplifting to demeaning, from reasonable to insane. The play as a whole fits so well with Orsino’s description of his “fancies” that one must wonder why that particular description was used. Interpreting Twelfth Night as a fancy conjured up by Orsino’s stricken mind makes a good deal more sense than attempting to reconcile the events with the real world.

Work Cited:Adams, B. (1978). Orsino and the Spirit of Love: Text, Syntax, and Sense In Twelfth Night, I. i. 1-15. Shakespeare Quarterly,29(1), 52-59. doi:10.2307/2869169

The notes i wrote during the lunch period:

The first appearance of the word comes during Orsino’s monologue. The grief-stricken man describes his lovesickness by referring to his imagining of fantasies involving Olivia. Fancy is “full of shapes” to hear him tell it, filled with all kinds of images (1.1.14). This implies an interesting idea of the plot; it may be nothing more than a lovesick dream conjured by Orsino’s mind. After all, the plot is as “high fantastical” as something a distressed lover might imagine. (1.1.15).

Malvolio’s mention of fancy is also about love and imagining it. He talks about “her [Olivia’s] fancy,” but the context of the scene and the rest of his dialogue imply that he is the one who fancies Olivia (2.5.24).. Malvolio claims that Olivia has said she would fancy “one of my complexion,” indicating that Malvolio has, through confirmation bias and imagination, convinced himself that Olivia was in love with him even before reading Maria’s letter (2.5.25). The fact that Malvolio, the outwardly stalwart Puritan, is as fanciful and in love as Orsino is a strong device for making fun of the Puritans as Shakespeare was wont to do.

Sebastian has his reference to fancy when he meets Olivia and finds that he is the object of her fancy.

[Discussing of the other two quotes]

In Twelfth Night, characters mention fancy when in fantastical scenes. Orsino had neglected his duties as a Duke to be lovesick over Olivia, Malvolio convinced himself that Olivia was in love with him moments before happening upon a letter regarding Olivia’s love, Sebastian came to a foreign city and found that a woman he had never seen was madly in love with him, and the final scene is perhaps the most fanciful of them all. Everything comes together in a hilarious, satisfying, and utterly unrealistic way. The use of the word fancy indicates that a scene either was or will be fanciful. This implies that Shakespeare is breaking the fourth wall, drawing attention to works of the imagination when the audience may be considering the play as imagination. In that way, Shakespeare implies that this comedy, however nice it may seem, is just a lovesick fantasy in the mind of Duke Orsino.

Note also that almost every mention of the word is in reference to Olivia. The only exception is when Orsino calls Viola his “fancy’s queen,” but Orsino could just be (Inception-style) trying to prove to himself that he can love another. That is why the timeline does not make sense; Orsino needed to believe that his mind was not so changeable, that he would need three months with another woman to move past his love for Olivia.

Quotes:

1.1.14-15:

Orsino: “So full of shapes is fancy

That it alone is high fantastical.”

Context: These lines conclude Orsino’s opening monologue about his lovesickness and passion for Olivia. The monologue is discordant throughout, and this line sounds very arrogant, that nobody but a lover could have an extreme imagination.

This quote illustrates Orsino’s arrogance about his position (which is expanded upon in his later argument with Viola) and tells the audience that Orsino has spent some time cooped up in his mansion thinking of Olivia.

2.5.23-25

Malvolio: “I have heard herself come

thus near, that, should she fancy, it should be one

of my complexion.“

Context: This comes just before Malvolio finds Maria’s letter, when he is fancying that Olivia might be in love with him. He has almost convinced himself of her love even before he sees Maria’s letter, which would be a strange coincidence if Twelfth Night was not a comedy.

This quote describes Malvolio’s desperation to be loved by Olivia. He uses a few choice words and actions of Olivia as a justification for her love, indicating confirmation bias and lack of perspective.

4.1.63-66

Sebastian: “What relish is in this? how runs the stream?

Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:

Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;

If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!”

Context: This comes just after Sebastian enters Illyria and finds a beautiful woman suddenly wish to marry him. It is so illogical that he believes he must be dreaming, and he wishes for fancy to keep him from waking up.

This quote tells us that Sebastian is wondrous at his entrance to Illyria. He forgets about Antonio as soon as strange men wish to duel and a strange beautiful woman claims to be in love with him. Sebastian is far more relaxed than most people would be in this context, especially if they could not find Antonio, the only person he was close with for the past three months.

5.1.412-415

Orsino: “Cesario, come;

For so you shall be, while you are a man;

But when in other habits you are seen,

Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.”

Context: This is the last line spoken by any character except Feste. It comes after Orsino learns of Viola’s true identity and gives up his love for Olivia.

This quote implies that Orsino still thinks of Viola as Cesario, at least while she is in men’s clothing.

#lifeblogging #sorry for it being so long #but i also fact-checked myself on a lot of details thanks to having the edit history and thanks to writing everything in my diary #so ty past sahil dont know what we'd do without your need to write for us

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scoobydoodean · 1 year

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hi it's gadreel anon from yesterday and i just wanna say 'there's no way in hell he'd say yes to being possessed by anything' <- direct quote from dean in 9x01. we don't know what sam would actually have said if given the choice but dean believes he would never agree to it so he and 'ezekiel' have to come up with a way to get a yes from sam without sam fully knowing what's happening. good of him to try to tell sam later but he did believe he had to wait until it was too late for sam to say no.

Hi Gadreel anon! For anyone who doesn't know, this would be related to my tags on a reblog last night about the "Gadreel Situation". Anon had also sent this very appreciated message about a much needed uquiz choice!

I also JUST got another anon message that begins with,

obsessed w people who compare sam’s willingness for death in s8/s9 (which, to me at least, read as him being suicidal) to a DNR.

So DNR anon—this is for you too!

So the issue is, Gadreel anon, in my tags I was thinking of a different moment from the one you were referring to! I was thinking of this moment:

and you were thinking of this moment earlier in the same episode:

So my bad in my tags!

(This makes me even more interested in, at some point, doing a uquiz about fandom memory haha).

Too late for Sam to say no though? I didn't say otherwise. I said that Dean wanted to put the choice back in Sam's hands as soon as possible, but then allowed himself to be convinced not to when he shouldn't have, and that either way, Gadreel would never have let Dean tell Sam.

But here's what I always come back to, which is what the OP whose post I tagged on was getting at and what I meant when I talked about analyzing the situation in a vacuum (I'm not saying this is something you are doing Gadreel Anon—it just got me thinking about some of the ways fandom talks about Sam in this context and then DNR anon came in with their frustrations):

Here's 8.14 "Trial and Error" when Sam originally insists on being the one to do The Trials.

This is a Sam full of hope. This is a Sam who knows his brother intends to treat The Trials as a way to off himself because he thinks he's disposable to everyone in his life and he's disposable to himself. So Sam insists, "No—absolutely not—you will NOT be doing The Trials in this state of mind!! I'm going to be the one to do The Trials and I am going to survive then I'm going to save you from your suicidal ideation!"

By 8.21 though, Sam is no longer a man full of hope. He's a man who believes he needs to die so everyone can be spared of him—so that he can become clean:

[Gifset (EVEN MORE HEARTBREAKING) here]. And here's a rant back and forth between me and a friend about that moment, which is also a more general commentary on my thoughts about fandom framing things as "Sam had peacefully come to the conclusion that he was ready to die and Dean shouldn't have tried to stop him from killing himself in "Sacrifice", and season 9 is just him doubling down on when he was "manipulative" and "selfish" in 8.23 because he *checks notes* convinced his suicidal brother not to kill himself, just like Sam did for him in 8.14 (also, if anyone is actively attempting to manipulate anyone in 8.23—which is not how I like to view the scene on my good days—it's not Dean <3 love and light <3).

So yeah—despite the popularity of reducing the entire thing down to "Sam was ready to die and Dean just couldn't let him go!!!" It is, in my opinion, a terrible take, because it ignores literally everything that happened and Sam's actual state of mind! He originally intended to live!! That was the WHOLE POINT!!! Then that changed to him wanting to kill himself because he thought he was dirty and that he deserved it!

So then Dean makes the same promise to Sam that Sam made to him in 8.14 and couldn't fulfill. He takes on the burden of that promise for both of them instead, and he becomes the one saying, "I'll show you to the light at the end of the tunnel and you'll see there's a future and a hope for you and that you are not irreparably broken and disposable". And Sam agrees!! He agrees that he wants to live!!!

Then they get to the hospital, and Gadreel is saying "There's only one way left I can think of to save Sam" and Dean immediately dismisses it, but then he asks Gadreel, "If I consider this – and I mean just consider it – I need something, man. You got to prove to me how bad he is." And when Dean says that, he means how suicidal is his brother? How much does he still hate himself and how much is he refusing to fight on his own because he hates himself? Is he even really fighting? And this is the answer he gets:

"Nobody else can get hurt because of me"!!! Ahhhhh!!!!

I do think one thing we can argue, is that Dean should have entered Sam's mind and convinced him to fight on his own! However, in desperation, Dean happened to have made an ill-thought-out prayer doxxing his location earlier in the day to a legion of very pissed off angels, all of whom hate his guts and know that a guy whose guts they hate even more is obsessed with him (like—Naomi making him kill thousands of fake Dean's obsessed), so beating him and his brother to death sounded really nice at that moment! So Dean did not have the time! And Sam's issues were far larger than one conversation could fix (as proved by Sam's state of mind in 9.01 coming immediately after agreeing to continue fighting in 8.23).

Dean, when he first made the decision to go into Sam's head through Gadreel to get him to say "Yes", considered the action he took as applying the charge to jolt Sam back to life after he tried to kill himself, which absolutely—was against Sam's expressed wish (re: conversation with Death) that he wanted to die. But when fans complain about that, they are complaining about something we as a society do all of the time when we want people who want to kill themselves to not kill themselves. It's just that this charge Dean applies is angelic and comes with extra strings and complications and another "thing that Sam did not want" besides just wanting to live. However, Dean was thinking, "As soon as Sam is back, I can put the decision in his hands!" Then he kept allowing himself to be convinced "A little longer", "a little longer", "just a little longer" and he thought, "Well, even if Sam hates me, at least he'll be alive!"

Some people will shrug and think, "Well, Dean should have just taken the L!" And that's okay! I have no problem with someone saying, "Dean should not have done it, because even though his motive was wanting to save his suicidal brother, the actions he took to do so were too far and therefore were wrong, and he should have prioritized respecting Sam's wishes and Sam's principles over applying angelic life-support Sam would disagree with". But that isn't what Dean did, and I... just don't think the motivations for his actions were nearly so selfish and evil as a lot of fandom wants to make them out to be, and are choices a lot of people would probably make in the same circumstances and in the same situation. Including, according to himself, Sam—who admits in 9.23, after his initial claim at the end of "The Purge" that he wouldn't do the same thing—"I lied". Then he spends all of season 10 proving all kinds of insane and morally questionable lengths he'll go to to keep Dean around!!! Things that he knows Dean does not agree with!!! While Sam doesn't directly let something possess Dean, in season 10, Dean does not want Sam to use the Book of the Damned and tells him directly not to use it several times—that he does NOT want to be saved using that book, because he is afraid of the consequences. However, Sam uses it anyway and orders Oskar up a human sacrifice in his wake with absolutely zero remorse—like he is ordering pizza—which is something Sam also knows, and has known since season 3 when Sam had a couple of plots that involved it, that Dean is not cool with at all!!! And hardcore Sam stans will argue "Well Sam was trying to save the world from Dean!" but actually no!! He chose this specific path that involved removing The Mark and saving his brother (despite the forewarned cosmic consequences and Dean's repeated insistence that said consequences were unacceptable) rather than locking Dean away forever, because he wanted his brother back!!! And while they were standing in a town being ripped to shreds by Amara, Sam said, "I would do it again"!

All of that to say—I'm not saying nothing Dean did was wrong, but fandom's analysis of the whole situation is bad and attributes motivations to Dean and Sam that are wrong!!!

#mail #9.01 #season 9 #gadreel #8.23 #season 8 #the flannel business

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