#i wonder if this would smell like mine or if it would smell Gross lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

djarrex · 3 years

Note

Yes! I would love to read the Kix taking care of his girl on her period! Mine is kicking my ass this month. Sounds wonderful!

BLESS you, and the few others who hopped in on this <3 ( x )

Part 2

Let me start off by promoting menstrual cups for a hot second because I love mine and I will never go back to anything else. I bring that up because the reader uses a menstrual cup - you’ll see mentions of it a couple times throughout. There’s also a mention of it smelling sweet, lacking the smell of blood that one would normally associate with periods - this is a total personal observation BUT I have heard of other women say the same thing about the smell; it smells of you, not blood - womanly essence, if that makes sense. Idk, maybe if you also use a menstrual cup then you get what I’m trying to say? Sorry to be talking about menstrual cups so much LMAO I’m just passionate.

Warnings: oral (f receiving), no-no words, a hint of self-degradation and self-consciousness (because periods can do that to even the best of us), mentions of blood, but like, there is none

18+ under the cut for all my Kix lovin’ cycle sisters out there (and everyone else!)

Oh, Kix. Sweet, caring, sensual Kix.

***

"Let me take care of you, darling. "

“But... it’s gross. I don’t even like going near that area during this time a month and I definitely don’t want you to.”

“Gross?” He almost sounds... offended - flabbergasted. “It’s a part of life, beautiful. It’s what makes you amazing, a warrior in your own way. Nothing about you could gross me out. You know of some of the things I’ve seen, darling, and you could never come close to any of it.”

“Are- are you sure, Kix?”

“You have that little cup thing in, right?” He asks as he lowers himself to his knees to be eye level with your waist, hooking his thumbs inside the band of your comfy pants - waiting. You nod, catching your bottom lip between your teeth as you peer down at him with hesitant eyes. His own eyes are glowing, radiating with adoration as a smile stretches along his perfect lips.

“Nothing about you could gross me out.”

Fuck, you adore him.

Even if he’s wrong.

With a victorious hum, he yanks your stretchy bottoms down in one swift motion. Kix stands upright, tugging on the hem of your top before lifting it over your head, your arms raising to the ceiling to facilitate the process. You’re nearly bare - all that’s left is your stained, worn bra and loose cotton underwear. Nothing about you today looks or feels sexy, yet Kix stares at you like you’re holding the stars themselves within your swollen hands.

“Lay down, darling. Won’t you let me take care of you?” You can’t help but smile at the man before you, his soft but deep voice making your heart pound and pussy throb simultaneously. You lay back, respectfully doing as your told. As soon as your back hits the sheets he’s on you, his warm body looming over your bloated form as his lips find a temporary home against your clavicle. You’re already so sensitive, so aroused just from the faintest of touches. You groan as Kix licks and kisses his way across the expanse of whatever skin is available to him on your chest - he stops when all that’s left to be mouthed is still hiding underneath your bra.

“They’re a little sore,” you confess with a furrowed brow. Kix’s eyes meet yours, and you somehow know exactly what he wants to do to help.

“I’ll massage them for you,” his voice is full of sincerity and care as his eyes meet yours. You nod, lifting your top half up off the sheets for a moment so he can reach around and unclasp your bra. Your breasts swing free, and Kix’s hands are instantly but gingerly grasping at them, softly kneading the orbs of combined fat and tissue with expert hands. Kix’s objective is to make you feel good, both in forgetting your body’s reactions to your monthly, and in pleasure. While he continues to knead at your sensitive breasts, his mouth is back on you, nipping at the plushier parts of your flesh around your bust and torso. Your pussy is throbbing, a fire igniting deep within your gut - even pushing aside the cramping - screaming for more.

“K...ix,” you manage his name mid-moan, his eyes flickering back up to yours through his dark lashes - mouth still attached to the flushed skin below your breast. “More... please,” you whine, your back arching off the bed and pushing yourself into his mouth - hungry. With a final nip to the skin lining your ribs, Kix’s head lifts up and offers you a half smile.

“You’ll let me take care of you, darling? Even though you so wrongfully think that I’ll be grossed out?” There’s a hint of teasing in his gravelly voice, but you couldn’t care less at the moment.

“Yes,” you breathe out, rubbing your thighs together in an attempt to feed the growing ache between your legs.

“You trust me, don’t you?” Kix lowers himself towards the foot of the bed, resting his cheek on the meat of your thigh while staring up at you with pleading eyes. Of course you do, and he knows that. You whimper at him, nodding your head as his finger teases along the thin skin around your underwear - featherlight. “I promise, it’ll feel good,” he murmurs with his lips pressed to your skin, trailing kisses from your knee up to your hip bone. “I’ll make you forget that you’re on your period, darling.”

Kix softly tugs your underwear down, tossing the garment over his shoulder to be found later. You feel so bleh - bloated, sensitive, sore - yet you’re on fire. Kix takes a moment to rove his eyes over your body, making you shudder under his gaze.

“You’re so beautiful, darling. Even when you think you aren’t.”

You love him you love him you love him.

Only seconds later Kix’s face in between your legs, kissing your mound before moving to press his lips against your folds. You feel totally embarrassed, hoping you don’t stink or taste like blood, but Kix is adamant about doing this for you, or for himself, it doesn’t matter. What if you ruin what you and Kix have if he comes up disgusted by your vagina with the way is is right now? What if-

Nope, you can’t finish that thought because he’s in the middle of licking a slow, long stripe from the bottom of your slit all the way up to the hood of your clit with a flattened tongue. Kix repeats the motion a few more times, groaning into you with every pass of his tongue, sending euphoric vibrations straight into your core. He runs his tongue around the entrance of your burning hole, easing the muscle just a little bit beyond the entrance - making you see stars. Kix can’t actually stick anything inside of you, not his tongue nor his fingers, and most definitely not his cock unless you removed the silicone cup from your canal - and there was no fucking way in hell you’d do that, especially not on day two. Besides, he’s doing quite the fine job at making you come apart with the way he’s sucking, licking, and nipping at everything that is good.

“Fuck, Kix...” He’s got your clit trapped between his lips, his tongue flicking at it from inside his warm mouth. You’re close, you can feel that fire move throughout your body, inching further and further into your climax with every quick motion of his tongue.

Then his hands return to your breasts, squeezing gently while meeting your eyes from where he’s buried between your legs. The thread within you snaps when you lock eyes with his lust-filled golden ones; his hands grabbing at your breasts, his mouth latched onto that sensitive bundle of nerves, and the heavy groan he emits while your clit is still sucked into his mouth all contribute to the intense orgasm that steadily rocks through your body. You convulse with a silent cry, your thighs threatening to close around his head as he drags his tongue up and down your slit, catching your release with hums of approval.

“KixKixKixKix-” you cry out his name in rapid-fire, shooting your hand down to tug at his growing hair - trying to push him away from you. “Too... much,” you whine, bucking your hips in an attempt to knock him off of you. With a lewd pop, he finally removes his mouth from your oversensitive cunt, but not before breathing in deeply through his nose while still buried between your legs.

“Kix!” you squeal at him, embarrassment flooding your body as he moves up to kiss at your throat. “What-”

“You smell so damn good, darling. Like the sweetest, most rare fruit in the galaxy. You taste like it, too.” Your cheeks are hot, eyes wide as he chuckles against your skin.

“So, it doesn’t...?”

You don’t need to elaborate on your question before Kix answers it with honesty.

“No, darling. No taste or smell of blood. Quite the opposite, actually. You are absolutely delectable. Maybe when you get more comfortable, I’d love to fuck you like this, if you’re ever up for it.”

“But the... the blood...”

“I’ve heard it makes quite the pleasurable experience for both parties involved. But like I said, only when you’re comfortable. Until then, I’d be more than happy to devour you every chance you give me, darling.”

***

| m a s t e r l i s t |

tagging the peeps on the Clone Bois taglist: @bvcketfvcker @deewithani @chromia7567 @threevie @letitrainathousandflames @latenightsthoughtsnstuff @thefact0rygirl @justanothersadperson93 @ohtobeamoth @14mcmd1122 @tacticalsparkles @cheesemachine44 PLUS @redandwhiteroses

#LORD HELP ME #thanks for this request y'all #it gave me an excuse to write this #it's been on my mind for a while and the need to post it has been amplified #because period :')#kix x reader #clone medic kix x reader #clone medic kix smut #kix smut #djarrex writes #request

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pinkykitten · 4 years

Text

the princess and the villager

- anonymous what up oreostars, if this isn't too specific i was wondering if u could write a one-shot about sokka (atla) noticing he's in love with reader when he sees her playing around with some kids and maybe confessing? i love a fluff lmao

pairing: sokka x female! reader words: 1,691 genre: fluff, comedy, one-shot, romance, requested

a/n: i hope this is what u meant lol, he has been my childhood crush so this ignited a flame again hehe, also pls check out my oc of atla named jia.

“And the beautiful princess was caught by an ugly witch. Since the princess was the most stunning girl in all the land, the witch wanted that beauty for herself. She was going to cook the girl in a stew and eat her all up.”

They all gasped.

“But the villager boy wanted to save the princess so he went after her. He saved the princess and they lived happily ever after. What she doesn’t know is the princess saved the villager boy when she said I do,” Sokka smiled wide as he looked in the distance to see you helping the older folks fish. You were his princess and he was your villager boy. Seeing you at his home made him feel the butterflies in his stomach and his cheeks grow hot. He had always had a crush on you ever since he said hi. He felt like you were the only one that understood him and made him feel like he could do anything. He trusted you with everything.

In the tent, all the children circled around Sokka as he told his fairytales. It was their favorite time to listen to princesses and princes and dream in their tiny, wild, minds their imaginations. A child raised her hand. Curiosity gleaming in her eyes.

“Yes?”

With some teeth missing, the little girl said, “Sokka, who is that princess you’re talking about?”

Sokka stumbled over his words. Why was her nervous about this question this little brat asked? It was only a child!

“That’s because Sokka has a crush,” one boy stuck his tongue out, disgusted. The little girl chuckled, twisting her hair, in love with the romance.

“No I don’t,” Sokka argued back to a short 5 year old. He was ready to lay hands on a child. “It’s just a story, that’s it.” He stomped his foot.

“Sure,” the little boy rolled his eyes. “I might have been born at night but not last night.”

Sokka eyed him up and down, “you sure about that.”

“Hey guys! What’s going on over here?” You shook from the cold, blowing hot air into your hands.

The little boy was about to say something but Sokka covered his mouth with a hard slap. His voice was muffled by Sokka’s glove as Sokka chuckled nervously. “The kids were just leaving. These little joy’s.” He gritted his teeth, eyeing the kids. “They are getting a little tired, they may need to take naps.”

All the kids whined and complained. “Well, I have an idea. I was going to say how about I teach the kids how to make the bracelets with those colorful beads. I think they would really like it.”

The kids fist bumped and cheered. “I don’t know, they might eat the beads,” Sokka replied.

Everyone paused and glared at Sokka.

“I think they’ll be fine,” you kneeled down in the snow, in front of the little girl. “What do you think?”

The little girl giggled, “I want to do blue because that’s the princess favorite color.”

Sokka almost shouted at the kid but you gave him a questioning look, “what princess? What is she talking about?”

Sokka knew your favorite color was blue and he had told the kids that. I guess they figured out that you were his crush. He needed to think again whenever he spilled the beans about his love for you. “I don’t know,” Sokka pushed the kids out of the tent. “These kids I think have been eating too much fish.”

“You kids go on ahead to the tent, I’ll be with you all in a second,” you warmly smiled. You pulled on Sokka’s sleeve and Sokka felt he was about to melt all the snow there from his body heat. “What’s up with you? You seem so squirmy today.”

“It’s nothing, might be I’m constipated.” Sokka blinked wildly. Why did he say that? He needed to learn to shut his mouth and not say everything that came at the top of his head.

Suddenly, you bent over, laughing hysterically at his reply. “Sokka I love you so much.” You patted his shoulder.

Sokka gave a stupid, love-struck grin. It sucked though that it was a I love you but in the friend zone.

As your beautiful e/c eyes looked into Sokka’s, Sokka couldn’t help but feel such an overwhelming amount of love for you. You were a little wet from the snow and waves and seeing you in that state made Sokka question how could you get even more beautiful. It was something impossible but you made it possible. He compared you to a flower in at all times a flower was beautiful so were you. He chuckled as he saw sprinkles of snow laying atop your head and nose. How could you be so cute?! Sokka pulled you closer and flicked the snow off your head and rubbed it lightly off your nose. Your eyes landed to where his hand was at, cross-eyed, unknown to you. Sokka smiled seeing how adorable you were. You were like his little snow angel. “You got some snow on you.” He brushed it off and tickled your nose. You hated your nose but to Sokka it was perfect. “There we go,” he said as he got the rest off.

You played with your fingers, trying to look everywhere else except at him. “Thank you.” Your body wiggled from the cold air and you wrapped your arms around your body to keep you warm. “It’s so chilly.”

“Here, I got you,” Sokka brought you to him and embraced you into his warmth. “Is this better?”

You hummed lightly at how soft his furs were and the warmth that held onto you. You closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling. He smelled so heavenly even though Katara can argue with that. She always said how he smelled like he hadn’t taken a shower in years but to you he had his own distinct smell that comforted you.

“Um Y/N, are we going to do the bracelets?” One child came in, grossed out by your interaction.

Startled, you kicked Sokka away and ran to the tent, shouting on your way, “who’s ready kids!”

Sokka fell back onto the snow, rubbing his behind.

The kid laughed, “she got you good.”

“Oh that’s lovely sweetheart,” you praised the young girl as she added different shades of blue to her bracelet. It was such a blessing to you to interact with all the children. They made you laugh, smile, act and think like a kid. You felt you could do anything when you were with them.

“H-how about mine?” One of the kids lifted his up. “It’s all the colors of poop.”

“Oh,” you had a loss for words. “How pretty.”

A child raised his hand in the air.

“Yes?”

“I gotta go pee.”

“Oh dear,” you couldn’t help but chuckle. What you didn’t know was far away Sokka couldn’t help but see how you were with the children. He imagined himself if you and him were together. You would be the best mother ever and he day dreamed you with his children and how amazing that life would be. He felt he would be the luckiest guy on earth. How understanding you were with these children and patient made him think about his mother. Your elegance, grace, beauty, and how loving you were reminded him of his mother. He felt if his mother were here right now, she would be proud of him. Seeing you play with the kids and make them smile made him love you even more, if that was possible. He knew what he had to do that day, he just had to do it in a certain, special way.

Sokka saw you stood up and take one of the kids away, probably he had to go pee. Now was his chance. Sokka sprinted to the kids tent and sat with them.

“What are you doing Sokka?”

“Alright kids I’m gonna say this once and only once. I want to ask Y/N to be my girlfriend.”

The little girl gasped, “you are going to confess your love to Y/N?”

“Actually, yes, wow you’re good. I need you’re guys help though. Think you can help me?”

The little girl smirked and crossed her arms, “we thought you’d never ask.”

“I feel better.” The boy came running to you.

“You are too much,” you patted his shoulder as you two made it back to the tent. As you rounded the corner everyone yelled out surprise.

“What?” They gave you a jump scare. Sokka was standing in the middle of the group of kids. His smile was wide and you looked above him to see a banger with black paint on it. You looked to see that the children must of made this because they had black paint all over them. The little girl ran to you and handed you the bracelet. Your eyes made their way to what it said on the banner and you read it out loud, “Y/N,” the children all started trying to stifle their cute giggles. “I love you with all my heart, will you go on a date with me?”

Your mouth dropped open, shocked. You made your way to Sokka, grabbing his arms. “Did you make this?”

Sokka put his forehead against yours, “yeah. You’re my girl. I can’t help it, I’d fallen in love with you. You’re so amazing and you’ve made me see how incredible this world can be. When I’m with you, I feel like I can do anything. I am such an idiot for not asking you this earlier but will you be my girlfriend Y/N-” Sokka was cut short because you pulled his furs to you, joining your lips with his. You kissed him passionately, so much that his leg lifted up full of bliss.

“So is that a yes?” He had on a goofy grin.

You kissed his forehead, “absolutely.”

All the kids groaned, some gagged, the little girl fawned at the love she saw.

“Wait,” the pee pee boy stopped the celebration. “So you’re saying this whole surprise wasn’t for me?”

a/n: that kid is so me omg, he is such a mood. reading other ppls fanfics tho inspire me and help me to not get writers block so i got some inspiration from my recent readings.

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thatonerandomfan4 · 3 years

Text

Madness Combat: Just Bros Being Dudes

AO3 Link:

(Hhh This Took A Long Ass While Lmao)

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Fandom: Madness Combat

Characters: Deimos, Sanford, Hank (Briefly), Jebus (Briefly), Tricky (Briefly)

Platonic Or Romantic?: Romantic Sanmos

Summary: Just A Normal Saturday In Nevada For The Boyfriends, Sanford And Deimos. They Also Share Their First Kiss With The Help Of Hank And Tricky Thanks To A Text Message. Also Deimos Makes A Lot Of Jokes, If You Know Them Then Congrats. :) If Not, That's Ok.

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The Sound Of The Alarm Clock Went Off At 8:00 AM, Causing Deimos To Wake Up From His Slumber. He Sat Up From The Sleeping Position He Was In And Yawned While Stretching Before Hitting The Snooze Button And Rubbing His Eyes. Looking Over To His Side, He Noticed Sanford Was Absent From His Side Of The Bed. It Was Cold, So He Had Been Probably Gone For A While Now. It Was Done Nicely Compared To The Smaller Man's Side Of The Bed, Which Was Very Messy.

Deimos Knew San Liked To Wake Up An Hour Or Two Earlier Than Him All The Time. He Did That Even If They Weren’t Being Bothered By The L33t / A.A.H.W (Agency Against Hank Wimbleton) Groups Anymore. Deimos Slipped On The Closest Pair Of Slippers He Had By The Bed And Headed Toward The Kitchen. There He Heard Pans Being Set Down On The Stove Or In The Sink To Be Washed Later And Bacon Sizzling In A Pan.

Sanford Was At The Stove Making Breakfast While Whistling One Of Their Favorite Songs. That Favorite Song Happened To Be Poker Face By Lady Gaga, Deimos Would Always Sing And Dance Happily To It While Sanford Watched And Laughed During Their Breaks In Between Missions. Deimos Instantly Smiled At The Sight Of His Boyfriend Being In A Good Mood On A Morning. Everyone Knew Sanford Wasn't Much Of A Morning Person, He Was Only Cheerful When He Knew He Was Going To Have A Good Day.

It Always Was Fun Going On Missions Together And Then Getting To Relax With Each Other Afterwards. They Loved To Chat And Goof Off With Each Other All The Time. The Smaller Man Quietly Shuffled Into The Kitchen Being Careful Not To Distract The Man Cooking And Sat Down In A Chair. Ford Smiled And Flipped The Pancakes In The Pan. San Turned Around To See His Beloved Boyfriend Sitting At The Table.

Sanford, Smug: “Enjoying The View, Dee?’

Deimos, Jumping In Surprise And Hiding His Face In Embarrassment: “U-Uh What? Yeah, I Like Roses. I Mean What-”

Sanford, Giggling A Bit: “What? Anyway, How Many Pancakes Do You Want?”

Deimos: “Ooo, Can I Have 4?”

Sanford Nods And Turns Around, Walking Back To The Stove To Continue Their Breakfast. Deimos Watched His Boyfriend With Love In His Eyes. Dee Loved Watching His Boyfriend Do Anything; He Even Has A Whole Photo Album Full Of...Just Sanford In Battle Poses, Laying Down, Sitting, Ect..

Sanford Knew About Deimos’s Pictures. He Didn’t Really Mind, It Was Just When They Got Posted Online And Girls Were Coming To The Posts and Simping For The Man In The Bandana. Cut Back To Deimos Looking At Sanford With Love In His Eyes, Dee’s Tablet Vibrated On The Table.

Deimos Quickly Picked It Up, And Saw It Was From Hank. His Panic Died Down A Bit, And He Just Stared At The Notification. Like Sanford, Hank Liked Getting Up Early So He Can Get Things Done. One Of Those Things Would Be Making Sure Tricky Wasn’t Eating All The Food In The Fridge. Tricky Normally Has To Be Fed At Least 8 Times A Day To Ease His Chaotic Nature For A Few Minutes At Most. Then Jebus Has To Look After Him For Safety Reasons.

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Hank: Deimos. Are You Up?

Hank: Deimos? It's 7:04 AM.

Hank: ?

Hank: Deimos??

Hank: Oh Yeah. I Forgot You Like To Sleep In

Hank: You're Probably Going To Wake Up At 8:30 AM, As Always.

Hank: Anyway, I Just Wanted To Say Tricky Misses You Guys. He Keeps Talking About You And He’s Wondering If You 2 Can Come Play With Him Later Today Or Tomorrow.

Hank: He's Happy You Two Are A Couple Now. He Bought A Gift For You Too.

Hank: Well….He Stole It, Then I Had To Pay For The Damage….AND The Gift

Hank: Also, Quick Question….Have You 2 Even Kissed Yet?

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There Was Silence For A Good 3 Seconds Until Deimos Screamed, Startling Sanford. The Tablet Fell On The Table Before Ford Could Even Reach His Boyfriend. The Man In The Bandana Hugged His Boyfriend To Calm Him. Ford Thought It Was Some Fangirl Who Messaged Him And Sent Something Gross As That Happened Very Often. He Took The Tablet To See For Himself, And Snorted When He Saw The Message. He Looked At Deimos Desperately Trying Not To Laugh At What He Saw.

Sanford: “You-” *He Quietly Giggles, Trying Not To Embarrass Deimos On Purpose* “You’re Screaming Because We Haven’t Kissed Yet?”

Deimos: “Well- I- Yo- We- He-”

He Was Immediately Silenced By His Boyfriend’s Lips Making Contact With His. They Stayed Like That For A Few Minutes Before Sanford Pulled Back And Got Back To The Stove. Deimos Just Sat There In Shock, His Face All Hot And Red. That Was Their First Ever Kiss, And Deimos Wanted To Be Involved Too. Just Thinking About It Made Him More Flustered. He Must've Been Spaced Out For A While Because When He Looked Up, Sanford Wasn't There. He Checked His Tablet Again And Saw A Notification: A Text From Hank.

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Hank: Lol. Sanford Told Me You Screamed When I Asked.

Hank: That Probably Was Really Funny In Person

Hank: If Only He Recorded It.

Hank: *[One Attachment Sent]*

{Hank: He Didn’t Answer My Question. Did You Guys Kiss Yet Orrr?

Sanford: Well Yes And No. You Embarrassed Him Lol. It Was So Funny Haha

Sanford: He Screamed When He Saw Your Message, Then I Kissed Him.

Hank: Pfft- Are You Serious?! Wow Lol

Sanford: Yeah Lmao. Made Me Throw A Pancake At The Ceiling. It Was Mine Too :(

Sanford: Good Wasted Pancake :(

Sanford: *[One Attachment Sent]* {Image Description: A Gray Tiled Ceiling With A Medium-Sized Pancake Smacked In Between 4 Tiles.}

Hank: XD}

Deimos: I-

Deimos: YOU!! >:( THAT WAS YOUR FAULT HANK J. WIMBLETON!!

Deimos: YOU MADE HIM WASTE HIS PANCAKE. THAT WAS YOU!!

Deimos: YOU FUDGING BULLY >:(

Deimos: I'LL HECKING FIGHT YOU!!

Hank: XD

Hank: Yeah Right Lol. I'll See You Later

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A Couple Minutes Pass And Sanford Taps Deimos On The Shoulder. Dee Turns Around To See His Boyfriend Fully Dressed. A Pile Of Clothes Was Placed In The Seat Next To The Shorter Man. Deimos Could Only Assume It Was His Clothing, As Hank Did Invite Them Over To See Tricky. The Smoker Popped A Cigarette In His Mouth And Left To Get Dressed. Once He Got Back, He Put His Cigarette In The Ashtray And Got Sanford Greeted With A Kiss. Well 2, One On The Forehead And One On The Mouth.

Deimos: “You Know, You Could’ve Waited Till I Was Ready For The Kiss.”

Sanford: “Why? It Would’ve Been A Year Or Two If You Said You Were Ready. That’s Basically How Our Relationship Started. Everyone Knows That, Ev-EVEN TRICKY KNOWS!”

Deimos’s Face Just Heated Up, He Knew That Was True And Couldn't Argue. After That Chat, Sanford And Deimos Got In Their Car And Headed To The Base. Deimos Was Messaging Hank During The Entire Ride. Hank Was Teasing Deimos A Lot About The Kiss, And How Deimos Reacted When It Was First Brought Up. Deimos Yelled-Texted At Hank Again, Causing The Man In The Red Goggles To Laugh Again. Dee Put His Tablet Away Once They Got To The Base. Of Course, None Other Than Hank Himself Was There To Greet Them And Welcome Them Back In.

They Passed The Savior, Jebus, Who Was Reading A Book, Supposedly A Bible Or Something He Could Find Lying Around. He Was Sitting At A Table With Red Wine In A Fancy Glass And Biscuits On A Plate. Deimos Wondered If Hank Told Him About It, Since He Received A Teasing Look. Sanford Just Thought Nothing Of It, And Wanted To See If Tricky Had Actually Changed Since Their Last Encounter With Him.

Once They Approached Tricky's Room, Or Area (Whatever You Would Call It), They Saw Signs Like 'Caution: Beware The Clown', And 'Do Not Enter Unless You Are Hank'. They Were Also Greeted By The Sound Of Someone Eating Something Viciously.

Looking From The Glass Window On The Wall, They Saw The Clown Filling His Face With All Different Kinds Of Food. He Stopped To Grab A Drink, But Got Distracted By Seeing Hank With Sanford And Deimos. Tricky Immediately Ran To The Glass And Smacked His Face Against It, Causing Ford And Dee To Jump Back.

Tricky Smiled In Delight After Seeing Deimos And Sanford For The First Time In A Long While. He Waved Through The Glass, Then Rushed To The Speaker. The Faint Sound Of Someone Yelling 'HAAANNK!' And 'VALID. FRIENDS' Could Be Heard Through The Speaker. The Door Suddenly Opened Slowly, The Smell Of All Kinds Of Foods Plus Blood Pouring Out Of The Opening And The Cracks. The Clown Immediately Jumped Out Of The Room, Startling The Trio.

Tricky: "SANFORD! HANK! DEIMOS! FRIENDS! VALID. YES."

Hank Actually Smiled Upon Tricky's Entrance, He Patted The Clown's Head Twice And Let The Other 2 Do The Same Thing After. They Talked About Everything That Happened, And Caught Up With Each Other. Jebus Entered The Room Half Way Through The Conversation And Joined In. They Chatted For Hours, Tricky Was The One To Point Out The Time To Everyone. Sanford Said That He And Deimos Had To Leave, As It Was Late (11:12 PM).

They Said Their Goodbyes Before Ford And Dee Headed Out. They Stayed Silent In The Car, Just Thinking About How Much The Others Have Changed. Tricky, Who Has Become More Friendly And Takes Baths. Hank, Who Is More Calm And 'Married To A Blender'. And Jebus, Who Has More Control And Is Starting To Learn Dad Jokes.

Deimos: "I Had Fun Chatting With Them After A While. I Just Wish Candice Was There With Us, I Miss Her."

Sanford: "...We Didn't Know A Candice."

Deimos, Grinning: "I Know Candice. I've Known Her For A While Now."

Sanford, Not Falling For It: "Good For You. Is She Nice?"

Deimos: "....Y-Yeah…...Although Her House Really Smells Like Updog. It's A Problem."

Sanford: "......Really?"

Deimos, Pushing The Joke: "Yes, Especially The Kitchen. It Really Reeks Of Updog. It's Disgusting, Bleck"

Sanford, Sighing And Smiling: "What Is Updog?"

Deimos, Giggling Like A Child: "Nahat Much Wh-"

Deimos Couldn't Finish His Sentence Because He Was Laughing. Sanford Just Snorted And Smiled, He Always Knew How He Could Get His Boyfriend Lost In Laughter. Even If A Joke Wasn't Really That Funny, Deimos Could Be Laughing For An Hour. He Absolutely Loves Jokes Of All Kinds And It Doesn't Matter Who Tells Them. By The Time They Arrived Home, Deimos Was Still Slightly Giggling And Wiping A Tear From His Eye.

Sanford Carried Deimos Into The House, As The Man In The Visor Finished His Giggling Fit. Ford Set His Boyfriend Onto The Couch And Started Getting Ready For Bed. He Left Dee Some Comfy Clothes To Slip Into For Bed. About A Couple Minutes Later They Both Were On The Couch In Pajamas (Or Just Clothes They Never Wear To Work).

Deimos: "Why Weren’t You Laughing At The Joke, Sanford?"

Sanford: "The Joke Wasn't That Funny, Deimos. You've Heard It Over One Hundred Times Already."

Deimos, Giggling Again: "But..It's Funny."

Sanford, Trying Not To Smile: "It-It's Really Not."

Deimos, Now Full On Laughing: "I- It Was Funny When Hank Fell For The Candice Joke." *He Smacked His Side While He Laughed* "It Hurt Like Hell, But It Was Worth It!"

Sanford, Smiling But Trying Hard Not To Laugh: "Oh Right I Forgot About That."

Sanford Then Let Deimos Cuddle Against Him As He Laughed Again. He Only Laughed Harder When Sanford Yelled, 'It's Not That Funny!'. Eventually, Ford Was Laughing As Well With His Boyfriend. They Laughed Until They Eventually Fell Asleep. Today Was A Good Day For Both Of Them, And They Were Happy They Could Spend It Together, Like Old Times.

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kinktae · 5 years

Text

bitchin’ || pt. 2 (M)

↳ PART OF MY REWIND SERIES

The 80s were a time of choices. Which perm was right for you? What color neon would you wear next? None of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with Jeon Jungkook.

pairing: fratboy!jungkook x reader

word count: 4.4k

genre: 1980s au, eventual smut, e2l

warnings: multiple smut scenes, science talk, banter, jealousy, alcohol & LOTS of colorful 80s slang lmao

A/N: Bitchin’ is a multichapter fic, surprise!! This fic was inspired by To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Thank you to @junqkook for letting me use her likeness and helping me with Yara’s character overall. Hope you appreciate the easter egg based on her!

OFFICIAL PLAYLIST

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10

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PART TWO

"Yara!"

The eyes belonging to the girl in question, flashed your way, widening in alarm.

"Oh, yikes." Was her automatic response, her bag of cool ranch Doritos falling onto her lap.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm's living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

"Before you say anything," Yara began, swallowing down whatever remaining food was in her mouth, "you should know they were having a rerun of the VMAs – which I missed last night – at the same time as the lab."

"You left me alone! You said you would go to the lab yesterday!" You griped, crossing your arms over your chest.

"Yes, yes that is true but I would also like to point out the fact that Madonna performed, so it wasn't like I even had a choice when you really think about it." She countered, tone pitching comically.

"You absolutely had a choice!" You laughed, shaking your head.

"Mm... I could argue that it is a subjective opinion."

You walked over to your best friend, sighing as you slumped down beside her, placing your backpack onto the floor.

You offered Yara a sideways glance.

"Did Duran Duran at least win something?" You asked begrudgingly.

"Nothing. They were robbed!" She squinted, shaking a fist in the air angrily.

A small chuckle escaped you despite yourself.

"You really should have gone to the lab, you know." You reasoned, reaching into the bag of chips.

"And smell like frog insides for the rest of the day? Grody to the max." She responded, before flashing you a look. "No offense."

"None taken." You grumbled, her observation fully noted though.

"Besides the makeup lab is next week. What could I have possibly missed this class?" Yara dismissed you absentmindedly, turning back towards the television as she reached for another chip.

"Well." You chuckled nervously. "For one, I have a boyfriend now."

At your words, Yara froze, a chip still in her hand as she paused mid-bite.

"You what?!" She all but shrieked, causing you to jump.

"Who? How? When? Tell me everything!" Her hands found your shoulders, shaking you slightly. You shoved her off with a laugh.

"Uh, well, his name is Jungkook–"

"The Jeon Jungkook?! From our lab?" Yara interrupted, eyes wide and shining with interest.

"Um... yes?" You responded cautiously.

Yara let out a scoff, leaning back further into the couch.

"Unbelievable. I leave you alone for one day and you get a boyfriend! And a fine one at that. This is so bogus."

"Mine and Jungkook's whole relationship is bogus, Yara." You rolled your eyes.

At your words, your best friend raised an eyebrow and you took that as an invitation to continue speaking.

"I'm only pretending to date him to make his ex-girlfriend jealous."

A sharp laugh from Yara caused you to pause, watching the way her amusement was short-lived, her smile fell as she took in your serious expression.

"Oh, you're serious." She deadpanned.

You nodded, "When you didn't show up Jungkook ended up being my partner and... well, I'm still not sure how it happened but he basically offered to fund my STEM event in exchange for helping him making his girlfriend jealous."

"They are the weirdest couple." You breathed out, shoving another chip in your mouth.

"Wait... he's gonna fund your event?! Y/N, you've been planning that thing since we got to university!"

A smile found your face, your excitement once again seeing you.

"I know! I wouldn't usually get involved in someone's love life like this but was too good of an opportunity to turn down."

"Man, I'm so happy for you! Still kind of disappointed but happy nonetheless." Yara smiled, causing you to frown.

"Disappointed? Why are you disappointed?" You pressed.

Yara clicked her tongue at you, looking at you as if the reason should be obvious.

"What do you mean why am I disappointed? Here I was ecstatic to hear that my best friend has gotten a boyfriend only to find that it's got a contract behind it!"

You giggled, nudging your knee into hers. "Think of this as a smart business venture I'm embarking on."

Yara stared at you for a moment, something clearly weighing on her mind as her lips fell into a subtle pout.

"What?" You mused.

She fluttered her eyelashes, "Does this mean you aren't going to fuck him?"

Your eyes widened in disbelief.

"Yara!" You gaped.

"Because, if you want to get technical, you kind of have to so I can live vicariously through you. It's girl code." She continued, reaching over and popping another chip into her mouth.

You frowned. "That is gross and also not a thing."

"I'm serious, I'm not accepting anything less than, like, third base." Yara pressed with a wag of a finger.

"Why don't you worry about your own sexual escapades instead of worrying about mine." You paused before continuing. "Which won't be happening, for your information."

The snacking girl let out a deep groan, throwing her blanket off of her as she stood up, taking the bag of chips with her much to your dismay.

"Well, it's not my fault I'm not getting any, okay! So do us both a favor and freak his shit." She called out, walking over to the kitchen.

"Can you stop emphasizing your lack of dick for one second?" You chuckled. "If you're that desperate for dick go back to Eunwoo."

Eunwoo was a boy Yara messed around with last semester. The relationship was short-lived, Yara quick to cut things off as soon as she realized Eunwoo was looking for something more than just a brief fling. Because ironically, despite how Yara crowed about being lonely, there was nothing that sent that girl running faster than actual feelings.

"Sweetie, I'm desperate for good dick." Yara scoffed, having had emerged back into the room, her auburn hair now let down, her trusty scrunchy back around her wrist.

"Was Eunwoo really that bad in bed?" You wondered, eyeing your best friend curiously as she moved to turn off the TV that had gone neglected the moment you stepped into the room.

Yara shrugged. "No, he was fine."

"So...?"

An enthusiastic pound against the poor television box rang out, the soft side of Yara's fist having had slammed down dramatically.

"I don't want just fine, Y/N! I want dick so totally tubular that I feel it in my guts." She declared.

A sputtering cough fell from your lips as you choked on your inhale of air.

Yara looked at you with mild concern, suppressing her laughter as she walked over and began to pat your back.

"I seriously question how you wiggled your way into being my best friend." You breathed through your coughs,.

"Eat my shorts, Y/N. You love me and you know it." She dismissed easily.

You merely grinned, unable to dispute your best friend's claim.

"Now go shower." Yara ordered, using one hand to point in the direction of the bathroom, and the other to pinch her nose shut dramatically.

Sighing, you heaved yourself off the couch. You doubted you smelled as bad as Yara made you out to, but you couldn't deny that a shower sounded terrific right now.

"Yes, sir." You sent her a salute cheekily before turning to head to the bathroom, shaking your head as she called out after you.

"And when you come out I need to know every single word you and Jungkook exchanged. If you're dating him then so am I, bitch!"

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The weekend had breezed by quickly, homework and the newest Cyndi Lauper album occupying all your free time. You hardly had time to contemplate your new role as Jeon Jungkook's new girlfriend.

You and Yara had been in the midst of a conversation about what exactly she should get her little sister for her 13th birthday when you first spoke to Jungkook again.

"Cabbage patch kid?" Yara offered, causing your nose to scrunch up.

"How old do you think your sister is?"

"Hey, don't sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas." Yara recalled.

"Still, she's becoming a teenager. I vote no on the cabbage patch kid."

"I'm with you, babe." Jungkook spoke up suddenly, lips pressed together as if in contemplative thought.

You hadn't even noticed him enter the classroom, much less approach and listen in onto your conversation.

"Jungkook!" You breathed out in surprise, stomach fluttering slightly as you realized what he had just called you.

"Why don't you get her a pair of roller skates?" He ignored you, placing a hand on the table and leaning onto it. You tried your hardest to ignore the way the muscles in his arm flexed with the movement.

You cleared your throat, "Roller skates?"

"Yeah. Every kid has to get a pair of roller skates. It's like a rite of passage."

"I never got roller skates…" You muttered.

"And you were robbed of a childhood." Jungkook informed you solemnly, causing you to roll your eyes.

"Sup." He said suddenly, eyes flickering to Yara as he offered her a casual nod.

You watched in amusement as a pink hue made its way onto your best friend's face, nodding back at him.

Seeing as Yara had remained silent this entire time, you realized it was probably best you introduce the two.

"Uh, Jungkook this is Yara, my best friend. Yara this is Jungkook, my... "

Business partner?

Temporary acquaintance?

"Her boyfriend." Jungkook finished for you cheekily, sending you a wink.

"Fake boyfriend." You reminded, causing Jungkook's eyes to widen.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He stated bluntly, eyes gesturing to Yara forcibly.

Oh. He thought you wouldn't tell your best friend about him? Hah.

"She already knows we're not actually dating–"

An angry shush came from the messy-haired boy, preventing you from talking further.

He hunched closer, eyes flickering across the classroom, "Keep it down, would ya? There are eyes everywhere."

"Sorry, jeez." You apologized dryly, raising a brow as you mimicked his motions.

"Bold of you to assume I won't be guiding Y/N throughout this entire arrangement." Yara spoke finally, her nose turned up slightly.

"Is that so?" Jungkook looked at her in surprise.

"Yep. In fact, I've self-appointed myself manager of your entire relationship." She replied smoothly.

Jungkook grinned, clearly finding humor in her words, "Well, then. With that kind of assertiveness, I'm sure we're in good hands. Nice to meet you, Yara."

"Likewise."

You frowned as your best friend and Jungkook shook hands.

"Anyway, as your manager, my first bit of advice for really selling this whole fake relationship thing is for the two of you to sit together. So if you'll just excuse me..."

At the sight of Yara reaching for her notebook and pen, alarm ran through you.

"Wha– Excuse me, what are you doing?" You protested immediately.

Jungkook, on the other hand, simply grinned. "Great advice!"

"Why thank you, I accept payment in cash and Annie Lennox cassette tapes."

"Yara, where are you even going?" You whined, watching as your best friend chucked her things into her bag.

"To sit at another table. Who am I to keep people in love apart? Jungkook you can take my seat."

Your shoulders slumped miserably as you watched as the smirking boy replaced Yara's spot on the stool beside you.

"Have fun, kids." She teased, waving the two of you off with a hand as she walked over to another table.

"I like her." Jungkook smiled cheesily.

"She's not kidding, you know." You warned. "If she says she's our manager then you better believe it. Whether you like it or not, she's gonna accomplish what she's set out to do."

"Reminds me of you." He replied with a hum.

You blinked in surprise.

"Was that... a compliment?"

"Was it?" His eyes went wide, voice pitched in feigned surprise.

A small laugh escaped you and before you could retort with your own sarcastic comment, your professor began to speak.

"Good afternoon, everyone. I hope you all had a good weekend." Mr. Kim greeted, his usual coffee mug in hand. He looked somewhat worse for wear, you noted. "I did. And as I sat here and reflected the choices I made Sunday night, I came to the conclusion that I will be sparing you the boring lecture this class and putting on a movie.

Widespread chatter of relief fell over the class, everyone elated to hear that this specific class would require minimal effort.

Mr. Kim had just sunk into the chair by his desk when a hand of a student shot up.

"Yes?" He answered.

The owner of the hand spoke up, "Should we take notes?"

Mr. Kim stared at the student with subtle bewilderment.

"I mean if you want? Guys, I'm gonna be honest with you all, I'm hungover as all hell. As long as you watch quietly and keep the lights off, I don't care what you do."

And with that, all the students turned back to chat amongst themselves.

It was funny, Jungkook thought, how easy you were to read when you thought no one was looking. He had been watching you through the corner of his eye, watching the way you hung onto the professor's every word and how disappointment washed over you when you realized there was no learning to be done today.

"Cute." He muttered to himself.

"What was that?" You replied absentmindedly, reaching for a sheet of paper.

Jungkook straightened in his seat, unaware he had said that out loud.

"Nothing."

You paid his reply no mind, however, pencil in hand as you began to write something onto a sheet of loose-leaf paper. Jungkook's head tilted in mild curiosity as he watched, wondering what it was you were doing.

To his surprise, the very paper of interest was then thrust his way, a soft sound ringing out as it rubbed against the cold surface of the lab table.

"What am I looking at?" Jungkook deadpanned. You shifted in your seat before responding.

"I think it's about time we talked seriously about this... relationship of ours. We need to establish rules."

Jungkook glanced back down at the paper.

"I see."

Suddenly, Jungkook's hand reached out for the zipper of his bag. You watched in silence as he pulled out the first writing utensil he could find – a blue marker – and jotted something down quickly.

You frowned, scooting your stool cautiously closer to him to get a proper look at the paper he had just written on.

"What is this?" You frowned.

"I believe it referred to legally as an amendment." He informed, eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Jungkook, I'm not going to kiss you."

Despite your seriousness, a smile nearly escape your lips at the sight of Jungkook's mouth falling into a pout.

"Why not?" He asked.

You raised a brow, "Um, we're not actually dating? Did you forget that?"

Jungkook let out a small noise of what you could only assume was indignation.

"Not to sound like a total douchebag but the fact that you don't want to kiss me is, like, totally insulting."

"I agreed to be your girlfriend, not some disposable pair of lips you're allowed to use whenever you need your ego stroked. Do I need to remind you that I hardly even know you?" You hissed lowly in case someone was listening in on your conversation.

For a moment it was just you and Jungkook glaring at each other. Neither of you was going to budge, he realized. He let out a sigh.

"Look, I see your point and what this is looking like but I promise you I'm not being creepy here. No one is gonna believe we're together if we don't kiss each other. To anyone that looks, you could just be my friend if we don't show some kind of affection towards each other."

Your arms crossed over your chest, your hard expression not letting up.

"One kiss. That's all I'm asking for. Just a peck, if that's all your comfortable with." He continued, causing you to hum.

He was certainly going to a lot of trouble just for one peck.

Maybe he did have a point. One kiss wouldn't kill you, would it?

"When?" Was your response, taking him by surprise.

"Uh... whenever? Preferably somewhere people will see. Maybe at the Halloween party this weekend?"

You frowned, a thought crossing your mind.

"You want me to kiss you at a party? In front of a bunch of people?"

"Well... not if you really don't want to..." Jungkook replied, suddenly feeling bad that you might really not be all that comfortable with this whole thing.

You shook your head, "No, it's not that."

Kissing Jungkook wasn't as daunting as the idea of doing it in front of a lot of people. It wasn't that you were socially awkward, per se, but the possibility of stage fright was undoubtedly a real one.

You let your thoughts run for a while before you finally came upon a slightly annoying solution. An audible sigh left you as you grabbed your pencil and reached for the paper.

"I don't want to embarrass myself." You told Jungkook bluntly as he read the contract's newest addition, your eyes fixated on the sheet as you couldn't find the courage to meet his eyes.

"So I want our first kiss to be somewhere private where I can make sure I know what I'm doing. Familiarize with... how you kiss... and stuff..." You trailed off, the warmth in your face suddenly too distracting to let you think intelligent thoughts.

Jungkook's eyes were as wide as saucers, glued to the side of your face as if trying to decipher whether or not you were being serious. He assumed you must be as the tone in your voice wasn't mocking in the slightest.

"Oh. Yeah, sure." He nodded quickly, still noticing the way you couldn't look him in the face.

A shit-eating grin found his face, "Y/N, are you embarrassed right now?"

"No." You stressed quickly, looking over at him defensively. Your eyes fell onto his lips against your better judgment and once again you turned away from his stare, heat rocketing through you. "I just don't want you thinking anything weird like this is me wanting to kiss you."

The dark-haired boy pressed his lips together.

"Trust me, you've made your opposition against kissing me abundantly clear." He told you pointedly before reaching for the contract. You watched him gratefully, thankful for the shift in interest.

"I'm serious about there being eyes everywhere. If Kiri finds out the truth, it's game over. I'd look like a total wastoid. Not to mention I'll never hear the end of it from my brothers." Jungkook told you, pushing the paper over for you to read. Tapping the end of your pencil against the table, you pondered something before scribbling else onto the rules.

"Fair." Jungkook expressed. "As long as you can guarantee she won't tell anyone."

"Yara is lonelier than Henry David Thoreau, you have nothing to worry about." You shrugged easily.

"I... have no idea who that is."

"He's a transcendentalist writer who spent two years in isolation–"

"Oh, so you're not just a science freak. You're a well-rounded nerd." Jungkook teased, causing you to scowl.

You grabbed your pencil. You could feel Jungkook lean to peer over your shoulder, laughing lightly as he took in what you wrote. No sooner had you finished, the paper was yanked from underneath your palm, your pretend lover quick to scribble back a response.

And that was how the two of you spent the next twenty minutes, discussing rules and filling the rest of the page, muffled exchanges of giggles catching the attention of students near you as they began to wonder could possibly be on that sheet of paper that had the two of you blushing and whispering like that.

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"Can I put my hand in your pocket?"

The request came seemingly out of nowhere. The class had just finished and Yara had passed by your table briefly only to insist that Jungkook walked you to your dorm, promptly informing you that she and you would not be walking back together as usual, before she left the room altogether.

You sent Jungkook a pointed look as the two of you exited the classroom and walked out into the hallway.

"What like in Sixteen Candles?" You presumed, throwing your bag over your shoulder. "Nice try scumbag, I'm not letting you cop a feel of my ass."

"Why do you assume everything I say has some sort of hidden motive behind it?" Jungkook scoffed. "I was trying to be romantic."

"Oh, really?" You asked, sounding skeptical.

"I mean, sure, getting to touch your ass would've been a nice perk..."

A pleasant laugh escaped you and Jungkook felt something in his chest tightened, and before he could think to warn you, his hand found yours.

You glanced down at the gesture, a shy expression finding you suddenly as you look back up Jungkook, eyes wide and face warm as he offered you a small smile.

"It's no hand in your back pocket but... this should still get the message across to everyone." Jungkook's fingers laced between yours and you tried your hardest to appear nonchalant as if your heart wasn't in your throat right now.

You simply nodded, continuing to walk alongside him as the two of you began your journey towards your dorm building.

It wasn't entirely awful, you found.

Jungkook's hand felt nice in yours. It was warm and soft– your ex wasn't one for PDA so you had always wondered what it might be like to walk around with someone you liked like this.

Shame your first time had to be with your fake boyfriend.

You hadn't realized how social Jungkook was until just now, however. It hadn't been more than a seven-minute walk but more than a handful of people had called out to Jungkook, offering him a greeting and a wave as they went about their days.

You had brought up his apparent popularity to Jungkook but he merely laughed the statement off, saying that it just came with the territory of being in a fraternity.

"Yara's gonna be so proud when she finds out we thought to hold hands all on our own." You brought up on the elevator ride up to your dorm.

The romantic embrace had been severed the moment the metal doors had closed on you two, no longer having an audience to perform for.

"She's quite the character that Yara girl." He noted.

You shrugged, "She's not too bad once you get used to her."

Jungkook shook his head as if you had miss understood him.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing. You're a lot like her, you know."

"Am I?" You raised an eyebrow.

Jungkook nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Headstrong... passionate... won't take no for an answer... seems like the only person you two would listen to is each other."

You were surprised. Once again, it was a seemingly genuine compliment that had come out of nowhere and you weren't entirely sure how to respond. You clasped your hands behind your back, a grin washing onto you.

"Pretty sure you've got bigger balls than I do." He finished his thought, causing you to snort.

"Sorry if we challenge your manhood." You joked, nudging your shoulder into his just as the elevator door open. You slipped out onto the floor, Jungkook following behind you.

"Oh don't worry about that, babe. You two can test my manhood whenever you want." He told you greasily, a suggestive smirk on his face.

"If I weren't contractually obligated to be nice to you, I would smack you."

You reached the door of your dorm a few moments later, turning to Jungkook awkwardly.

"Well, thanks for walking me." You said.

Jungkook tucked his hand into the pocket of his jacket, shrugging coolly.

"I'll see you in class on Wednesday then."

As if on cue, the door of your dorm unlocked, swinging open enthusiastically, revealing a smiling Yara.

"Wrong. You'll be seeing her tomorrow." She stated matter-of-factly.

"I will?"

"He will?"

You and Jungkook both expressed your confusion in unison. An amused expression fell over Yara.

"I did some thinking on the walk back from class and decided that Jungkook is taking you out on a date tomorrow." She explained before turning towards the man in question. "When do you finish class tomorrow?"

"Uh... three o'clock?" He answered slowly, eyes flickering to yours to see if you had any idea what your best friend was talking about. You didn't, of course.

Yara tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Perfect, Y/N's last class is at two. Come pick her up here around four."

"Oh, uh, sure." Jungkook nodded, looking somewhat scared of the small but authoritative girl standing before him.

As if snapping back into reality, you shook your head. "Hold on, I didn't agree to this. Don't I get a say in this?"

Yara's eyes flickered towards yours dully, "No."

She clapped her hands together suddenly, directing her attention back to your pretend lover.

"Thanks for walking her over. We'll see you tomorrow at four. Don't be late, bye!" Yara sang sweetly, hand reaching out to wrap around your forearm.

You let out a yelp as you were tugged into the dorm, door slamming shut as you left behind a perplexed looking Jungkook.

"What the hell was that?! Why am I going on a date with him?"

Jungkook could hear your voice through the closed door, pitched angrily and clearly directed at Yara.

"Third base, Y/N. Don't make me say it again."

"I literally can't stand you."

A small laugh fell from the boy as he stood in his place in the hallway, eyebrows furrowing in amused bewilderment as he wondered how he ended up with not just one but two stubborn fake girlfriends.

5K notes · View notes

all-of-the-imagines-for-eve · 5 years

Text

Not Sorry ~ Embry Call (Part 1)

A/n: Oop look I'm not dead HAHAHHAHA! Anyway.... here we go, my BABY!!! I tried to keep this one part but I mean look how long I got. It was a hard no lmao. It should only be two parts though so I'll finish that up and then be done with the mini series! Hope you enjoy all the loopty loops and around and back and forth as much as I did.

Word Count: 6900+

Pairings: Jacob x reader, Embry x reader, Embry x Quil (mentioned)

MASTERLIST

The two of us left the Swan house hand-in-hand. Jake looked at me, next to him, with a deep frown. "What's wrong?" He asked.

I looked over, my undeniably sour expression breaking as my eyes landed on him. A weak smile lifted onto my face, my mood lightening just by seeing my boyfriend's face. "I was just thinking maybe it isn't helping by having us both come in. I know it's helping to have me at school with her, and you hanging out afterward, but..." I shrugged. "Did you are the way she looked at us when you held my hand in the car?"

Jake looked at his feet, nodding a little. "I get it," he finally said. "But I don't want to mess up how we do things just to-" he cut off, his jaw working. Jake had had a brief crush on Bella, leading him to hang around the house a lot. That was how we got together. We'd seen each other plenty of times since I'd always been close with the Swans. Bella and I had played as kids, since my mom and Charlie were on really great terms. There were rumors she had feelings for Charlie at one point but that never panned out- obviously. Now, I just visited on weekends to check in so he didn't get too lonely. It had become habit after my mom died. My dad was absent minded, tending to work and otherwise ignore me. Charlie and I were similar in that way: alone, unless we had each other.

With Bella's presence came a greater need for me. I helped her settle and helped Charlie adapt to having to be a dad to a girl my age, instead of a friend like he was with me. Bella and I vibed the same way Charlie and I did; we formed a friendship pretty quickly. With Bella came Jake, and with Jake came feelings. He was a year younger than me, so I hadn't been too keen on it at first, but Bella met Edward and then began to grow distant and then Jake caught feelings for me too, so things kind of just took off.

Now Jake and I were together and Edward and Bella... weren't. He had moved and she was absolutely crushed. From what I knew he had cut off everything between them... honestly, I couldn't even begin to imagine her pain.

I looked at him, my lips pressed together. "I know how you feel, but we have to think about her feelings too." He glared at his feet. He hated Edward to this day, even more now that he had left Bella the way he had than he did before when the only bad thing he'd done was 'steal' Bella from him- something that had begun to wear off as Jake and I continued to be together. Maybe the two boys could have been friends if Edward hadn't hurt Bella like this. I pulled him to a stop, pushing away how Jacob's hate for Edward made me once again wonder about how he felt for me and Bella - he had said a few times that he was completely over her but sometimes I still wondered - to focus on the discussion at hand. "I can't imagine how terrible it is to lose someone that you-" I looked into his eyes and felt suddenly breathless. "That you love." His lips twitched and I wasn't sure if it was a smile or a frown that he'd almost manifested, which made me nervous. "I just mean, I can't imagine how she feels. We have to be sensitive and even though I hate censoring our relationship a bit as much as you do, I also want her to be able to escape thoughts and memories and she can't do that when faced with a couple, because any couple and all loving relationships remind her of him."

He sighed through his nose and then moved close, his nose brushing mine. My eyes fluttered close and my body relaxed, sagging a little.

"Okay." As he spoke, I could hear his smile. He paused a second and then kissed me and suddenly I was smiling too. We were next to his truck, out of sight of the house, and I was thankful that neither of us had to stop this moment to spare Bella. When he pulled away, I was left breathless. He leaned close, his lips brushing the skin on my ear as he whispered as quietly as he could, "Do you love me?"

I never went so rigid so fast while being in as relaxed a state as I was in so soon before. The ease I'd had just a split second before disappeared as if I didn't know what relaxation was and my eyes shot wide. "I- well- I- um- I-"

He chuckled softly and I stopped breathing altogether. I had leaned away when he'd spoken so he moved back to where he was before, pressing against me. His fingers brushed against and fidgeted with mine comfortingly. "I love you too." He left a soft kiss against my neck and I shivered as he leaned away, looking at me through his eyelashes even though he was just a bit taller than me. He reached out, touching my cheek. "And I promise I'll never never do to you what he did to her. I'm here, forever and always."

A grin broke out on my face and I burst into giggles. My hands reached up, fingers curling around the back of his neck. I pulled him into a hug and he was laughing too, tilting as I leaned too much. We scrambled to catch ourselves, neither of us strong enough to catch ourselves as we went careening as my excitement threw off our balance. I took a breath in and he smelled amazing. He was warm and his smile light up the whole world and warmed my insides. It was the happiest I'd ever been and when I went home that night I went to sleep sure it wouldn't be the last time I was that happy, in Jacob's arms. For just a second I was sure of eternity.

Much later, Bella got a lot better and there was no pressure to censor our relationship in front of her. A few times she would put our hands together, winking and laughing and teasing and nudging us and talking about how cute we were and how nice it was to see us so happy. I think she lived a little through us as much as she used our love and success to distract her from her own pain so she could separate herself from it and grow without it there to hurt her. Jake became her best friend and I became her sister, is talking about things she couldn't with Jake, as well as me being over more often since I was closer and also had a closer relationship with Charlie, directly. She gave each of us the "I'll kill you if you hurt them" talk and joked about chaperoning dates if we started acting like we were being "naughty". She basically became my mom more than anything and I jokingly called her that constantly. That's how the parent-besties joke was born. Since Jake and Bella were best friends the same way Charlie and I were best friends, and now there was a running joke that Bella was my mom, Jake and I started calling Bella and Charlie the parent-besties. Every time Jake or I struggled with homework or school in general or family or friends or Jake brought up Sam - the leader of a gang on the Reservation that set Jake and Quil (his friend) on edge - or Embry - Quil's ex-best friend and therefore also someone who used to be a close friend of Jake's but who ditched them when he joined Sam's gang - or any other stresses came up, Charlie and Bella would team up to figure out what was wrong if we wouldn't talk about it, or figure out how to distract or cheer us up. They'd first bump and jokingly say, "Activate parent friend powers" and if Jake or I were around we would laugh and they would grin and wiggle their eyebrows.

It was like a little family. Jake would come over with Billy every Sunday night and Jake would pick me up on the way so the three of us would jam out and crack jokes and Billy and I would team up to tease Jake as we drove over, and then when we got to the house, Jake and Bella would impersonate Billy and Charlie poorly while Billy and I jokingly argued who was Billy's truest best friend and Jake and I would flirt over the table and Charlie and Bella would pretend to gag and roll their eyes and groan and call us gross. The more we hung out the closer I got not only to them but the people they cared about. I met Quil and the two boys began to teach me how to work on cars and related such things. Quil absolutely loved to give me piggyback rides and wrestle me while Jake usually took the lead on teaching me mechanics. For the first time in my entire high school career I actually held a lasting conversation with Bella's friends, Eric, Angela, Mike, and Jessica. I was the weirdo in town who talked to no one and always sat alone in every class and worked alone in every group activity. At this points even teachers had given up- at least the Cullens even had each other. Before Bella, I had no one. Now I had so many people it was nearly overwhelming.

Just as my life was reaching perfection, it came crashing down in a rain of fire and brimstone.

It started, weirdly enough, with something good. One day I hadn't talked to Jake in a full week so when he popped up at my house because I'd been telling him how much I was struggling with homework - I was too proud to go to Bella for help - so he'd found some free time and had gotten permission to come and help me. I'd run at him, completely meaning to tackle him. Except, he caught me instead and fully lifted me off my feet, spinning me around before kissing me hard. It was a wonderful feeling that had my head spinning and left me a little nauseous... but also, it shouldn't have happened. Jake wasn't weak but last I checked he was barely strong enough to catch Bella when she lost her footing, or push me off when I was pinning him to the ground so he couldn't move at all. After that, I noticed that not only was he a lot stronger than I remembered, he was also growing insanely taller and hotter. Like, temporaries wise. We couldn't lay under blankets anymore because it came hard to breathe very quickly.

It all climaxed when Bella set up a group hang out to go to horror movie. Jessica, Eric, and then Angela all bailed so it was just me, Bella, Jake, and Mike. With me and Jake joking and flirting especially hard, Bella was left to third wheel... with Mike, who was only too enthusiastic to sweep her off her feet and win her heart, just like he'd been trying to do since the first day she'd come to town.

At the end of what was supposed to be a group hang out, Bella was obviously at her wit's end. I decided to turn to Mike, glaring at him, hands on my waist. "Can you lay off?" He looked at me, raising an eyebrow. It was during the movie and he'd tried to distract himself from the movie by flirting with Bella but it wasn't working. I'd finally lost my patience.

"What's wrong? Jealous?" He joked.

I heard Jake next to me make a noise that raised the hair on the back of my neck. He growled. I shook my head to clear it and then turned my frustration to him. I stood, motioning Bella to take my place. She was only too eager to do so, leaving me between Mike and Bella... which meant that I was next to Mike instead of next to Jake, who was separated from me by Bella.

By the end of the movie, Jake was obviously as much losing his ability to keep his mouth shut as I was. Mike had long gone quiet but before that he'd tried to make jokes and talk to me and I was completely tired of him. Bella reaches over and took my hand, squeezing it in both apology and thanks. I shot a small smile at her. As Mike ran off to blow chunks after the movie ended, Jake pulled me against him. He leaned against the wall, his hands on my stomach and my back against his chest, his chin on top of my head. Bella talked to me as he stayed quiet, letting us girls go back and forth as we waited for Mike.

When he came out he tried to play cool, putting an arm around Bella after eyeing up me and Jake. "Let's head out." Bella moved away from Mike so his arm dropped and I smirked. As if to run it in, Jake moved next to me so he could put his arm across my choosers as Mike had just tried with Bella. I didn't stop him. That seemed to piss Mike off. "You're really attached at the hip, aren't you?" the blonde, pale with sickness boy shot off.

"I obviously don't mind my boyfriend being on me," I replied smoothly. "Unlike other people who might be averted to having a boy on them in this sort if they're not either close or dating." Jake snorted in my ear.

Mike made a mistake and caught Jake's shoulder, turning him so they were facing each other and pulling us apart. We had started walking past him so I kept going while Mike pulled Jake back. Immediately Jake smacked Mike's hands away from him, flaring with anger. I turned to see Bella pushing between them, trying to calm down a much taller, stronger, angrier Jake and a cowardly Mike who was trying to backpeddle and failing. "Don't touch me," Jake finalized, pointing at the other boy. "And for that matter, stop touching Bella and stop looking at my girlfriend. Stop being an ass, stop talking in general." He turned abruptly and pushed past all of us. I turned to go after him, catching his hand, but he yanked himself away. It wasn't hard as I let go of him almost immediately- his skin was burning. It had beeb warm all night but now it almost hurt to touch. I wat he's him go, speechless and unsure.

Mike, apparently still having not learned his lesson, moved next to me. "Seems like an ass to me."

Bella had to drive because Mike was half blinded by a black eye. Charlie picked us up from there. Mike's last stab was the last thing said of the night.

It had been weeks. No calls, no texts, no visiting. Nothing. He was completely ignoring me and I couldn't understand why. The few times Bella or I had gotten an answer from the Black house was when Billy picked up. He gave us some lame excuse about how he was super sick and couldn't get out of bed and couldn't have visitors and that was that.

Bella was pacing in front of my house, having dragged me outside to demand we go visit Jake and get some answers. She was trying to get me to go with her, but I wasn't confrontational. On top of my already timid, anxious nature, I hadn't been getting good sleep, unable to get my brain to quiet or my heart to calm or my tears to stop as I quietly sobbed in bed. As the days passed I began to think more and more that this was a Bella-Edward situation and the day that Jacob had first told me he loved me and the promise that had followed it echoed on repeat in my mind.

He promised he wouldn't leave me. Ditch me. He promised, forever and always.

Bella wasn't having it. "Come on I'll drive!"

Neither was I though. "If he's really that sick then whatever, he doesn't want guests. Okay. If he just doesn't want me around..." I shrugged. "It's been WEEKS, Bells. The Jake we know and love would have shot me a call at this point even if it would have killed him. After how he brushed me off, I just feel like something more is wrong than just some fever." I sighed heavily. "This is a choice. I can FEEL IT. He's actively making a choice to cut me off. If I'm wrong then he'll come to me eventually. If not..." I looked helplessly at my hands. "I can't force someone to be in my life." I looked back at her.

She must have seen herself in my face because she lost all the color in her face and stumbled away. I went to love to her but she held a hand up. I froze as she took a second to catch her breath and think. "Okay," she said finally. She looked at me and nodded. "I can respect that. But I'm going to his house, without or with you."

Another sigh slipped from me. "I can't stop you," I said as I shrugged, my hands moving through the air, palms facing the sky. We exchanged one more look before she left too and I went back upstairs. Bella would figure it out and bring me news. It would all be sorted when she came back; I had nothing to worry about. I fell into a restful sleep with ease for the first time in weeks, and it was absolute bliss.

"WHAT?" I shot to my feet, eyes wide and mouth open.

Bella couldn't meet my eyes. "He's... gay." She looked awkward and I knew she wasn't telling me the truth, which hurt even more.

"Bella, you're a terrible liar," I accused.

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "He's probably going to break up with you. I can't tell you why, it's too hard to explain. But I think you two should talk in person and sort it all out." She looked so tired and wrung out that I didn't even argue. I just silently nodded. She stood and we both went out to her car. She drive us to Jake's and then had to kick me out of the car for me to head to the house. He could break up with me, she'd said. He might want to. Why? What had I done wrong? Was he in love with someone else? Had he simply just fallen out of love with me? WAS he gay? Was there some huge secret he was keeping from me that lead him to feel guilty and pull away from me? Oh my god had he cheated on me? Not even with someone he loved but simply someone that was around more than I was. Someone prettier or smarter or more like him than I was. Or maybe he was secretly a terrible person and the person I'd fallen in love wasn't real. Maybe this was all an act. A game. My brain was racing with too many improbable and dramatic probabilities to make sense of anything so I just forced myself to push it all down and knock on the door before I could overthink it and stop myself.

Jake answered the door. I gasped at him. He was in a tank top and short, not things I'd ever seen him wear before. His hair was shorn completely short where it had been SO much longer before, and- was that a tattoo on his arm.

Our eyes locked and he sucked in a breath-

And then let it out, his shoulders sagging as if... disappointed. My eyebrows came together. "Jake?" I choked out, the word dry and quiet. It was almost a croak. It sounded like my mouth was completely dry, even as I choked on words and tears that were only too ready to fall. I knew what was coming by the look on his face before he even opened his mouth. I knew him too well.

"Look, I-"

"Stop," I managed to get out. I looked at my feet, my hands shaking in my peripheral vision and my eyes watering. "Don't-" I tried again. "Don't continue." I swallowed, trying to pull myself together and catch my breath. Suddenly I went incredibly numb and I managed to look at him with what I assume to be dead eyes and an empty smile. He looked sick to his stomach at my expression. "Bella warmed me that when she brought me here you might break up with me." I tried to make my smile bigger but my lip started quivering so I stopped. "I understand. Things change. People drift apart. Forever never lasts as long as it's supposed to." Jake mad es look like he'd been run over by a semi truck. i knew without even asking that he was remembering his promise too. His lips parted but no noise came out. He just stared at me, lost and heartbroken, and I couldn't understand why because HE was doing this so obviously he wanted to, right? "you-" I cut off, my eyes finally focusing. I finally saw HIM for the first time. Something clicked in my head and my numbness wore off to a subtle emptiness as my smile swapped out for a frown, my eyebrows coming together in irritation as I tilted my head. "You joined Sam's gang, didn't you?"

Finally he found his voice. "Sam's not at all like I thought he was. He's actually helping me, so much. I owe him a lot. He's-"

"Oh my god," I whispered.

I stumbled back and he scrambled forward to try and catch me but I yanked away from him, out of his reach. Behind me the truck door slammed, signaling Bella coming to the house to help. "Are you okay?" She began.

Spinning to face her, I shoved a finger in her face accusingly. "YOU!" I screamed. She jerked back, eyes wide as she stood, unsure. "You knew! 'It's complicated'? God, Bella! You know how scared of Sam Jake is!" I looked back at him, my lip curling into a snarl. "Was." I looked back at her. "What and now you're pro-sam too?"

"He's-" Bella began.

"STUFF IT!" I screamed. "I don't know why you even brought me here! What, to see Jacob break up with me in person? So he could break his promise officially? So he could pull a full Edward and twist the knife already in my gut?" At the mention of the Cullen's name she visibly flinched away from me. I was too angry to care. "FINE!" I screamed hysterically. "Break up with me! Don't even bother trying to keep being my friend Bella. I bet you realize you still have feelings for her after all, huh? All those promises..." I laughed sickly and the two most important people in my life looked at me like I was the villain. As if I had hurt them. "Fuck you." I turned away and began walking.

"Oh come on, where are you going?" Bella called.

"You can't walk home from here!" Jacob added.

"FUCK! YOU!" I screamed over my shoulder. "I'm no longer your concern!" I turned around so I was looking at them, walking backwards. "So have you ditched Quil too then?" I looked directly at Jake, who flinched as horribly as Bella just had. I shook my head, turning away and taking off running. I knew where I was going now.

I hoped to high heaven Quil was home and didn't mind if I spent the night, because there really was no way I was getting back tonight.

Long story, he didn't. We ended up spending every second we could together, watching movies and wrestling and exchanging puns and pick up lines and never talking about Jake and Bella, and Embry, who Quil brought up the first night to let me know how he felt. Apparently Quil and Embry had been a lot closer than I'd originally realized before everything had been messed up when Embry had joined Sam's pack. With us only having each other, we cling to each other. We almost finally healed and settled with our friendship when suddenly Quil was gone too.

We worked all that time to get me a license and then work and put our brains together to fix up the very old car I'd found for cheap as best we could without Jake. I drove by one day to show off the finished and completed product... only to have Quil answer the door with short hair, the same tattoo on his shoulder that Jake had when he'd answered the door to me what seemed FOREVER ago, in a muscle shirt and cut off shorts. Neither of us even had to say anything. He just looked at me with the most apologetic look I'd ever seen and I turned away, getting in my car and going home. Halfway I pulled to the side of the road to break down. I'd begun to get over Jake, but I was in no way over how much I missed Bella, and the huge hole in my life that had been created by losing Charlie was simply too much to bear.

I honestly should have seen it coming. It had been the same thing that I'd seen happen to Ake and heard had also happened to Embry. He grew warmer, taller, stronger. Then, our f nowhere, he broke fever and got insanely sick so that he couldn't talk to me for four whole days. Finally he called to let me know he was better and that I could come over. The call was brief and I'd blindly, desperately hoped with all my soul that he just wanted to see me after all that time. We'd grown to be really great friends, going on adventures and creating a completely different friendship than either of us had had before with anyone. We were just so chill. No promises or forever imagining, but an unspoken understanding that we both hated the same people and enjoyed almost all of the same things. We had inside jokes and had made memories hiking and swimming and doing homework and preparing each other for upcoming tests and in general being each other's wingmen, more joking about setting each other up than anything since we both knew neither of us were ready or interested in doing that quite yet.

Now he was gone. Like Jake. Like Bella. like Charlie. Like Edward and Embry. Like my mom. Like my dad sink after. I was completely alone, empty, with a distant father and more often an empty house than anything.

I'd gotten obsessed with mechanics, picking it up as a hobby to distract myself from my emotions. I hadn't really gotten into much else and the physical tiring the fixing things up required of me as I hefted and cranked and pulled and jimmied and all such related physically demanding things tired me out and kept my brain busy. With my only talent having been given to me by Jake, I was left to blast music to tune out any memory or thought the activity could dig up. If I wasn't snagging old bikes and cars and such things and then re-selling them in much better condition then I was cleaning and babysitting. I was saving money up to move from Forks. I was planning on getting emancipated from my dad and moving away from the small town that had become my own personal Hell. I'd go somewhere else. Meet other people. Make my own family and my own home, since the paces and people I'd come across this far had failed me.

A year passed. The Cullens moved back and I saw Edward walking around the halls with Bella, which made me feel even more empty. Bella had absolutely everything and I was left completely alone. I'd finally let go of Jacob enough that he didn't haunt me. I could think and remember him and only a dull ache would resound in my chest. The release of coming to terms with being alone and getting over Jacob had allowed me to do something I hadn't done in a long time but had come to absolutely adore doing while I was dating Jake and was friends with Quil.

On Saturday's, I went to La Push. I had te same car I'd bought during my friendship with Quil, driving myself to the beach a few hours before sunset. I pulled off my pants, exposing the bottom half of the swim suit I had on underneath. I put my feet in the water and wiggles my toes in the sand. I tilted my head back so I was looking at the sky and then closed my eyes, letting my body slowly unwind. With my the shirt I always wore when I went to the beach, I walked further into the water a while after letting myself come undone and then reopening my eyes. After I was waist deep in the fairly cold water, I fully dove in. It burned and woke me up. Though it wasn't cold season quite yet, it also wasn't quite warm enough to be swimming.

When I hit the surface, I gasped and groaned, a shiver running through my body. I shook my head, blinking my eyes rapidly. A wild, loud laugh erupted from me before I began to swim to where I could touch and then back out far too much go be considered safe before I swam back to where I could touch. Back and forth, back and forth, until my body was numb enough not to feel the cold anymore. Then I closed my eyes and lay on my back, breathing evenly and focusing on staying afloat. Every thirty second or so - I kept track in my head, sometimes waiting until thirty-five or even fourty seconds if I felt really confident - I checked to make sure I wasn't too far away from shore that I couldn't get back again without tiring out and being pulled out to sea again. When I did get on the edge of too far, I pushed forward and swam back.

Halfway there was when I heard it. A huge splash that made me look over. I realized I must be pretty far away from my car, even if I wasn't far from shore. I was by the huge cliffs on the edge of La Push, close enough to make out people at the top jumping, and people at the bottom who, presumably, had already jumped. Close enough, I realized with a start, to make out faces.

First I saw Quil, of all people. My heart stopped and I almost stopped swimming, so shocked by seeing my old very good friend after over a year of time that I forgot how to move for a full second before the water in my nose quickly reminded me. Next I saw who I could only assume was Sam. He was similar to the guy I remember who'd carried Bella out of the woods what must have been two years ago now, and also fit description from what Quil and Jake had said. I looked up next, only to see who must have been Jake at the top. I was stunned most by this. Not because it hurt to see him but.... because it didn't. I felt that same dull ache and a sort of whistful longing for the joy and completeness I'd once felt, but Jake had hurt me very deeply and I'd come to terms with him being an asshole and how I deserved better. I would find someone better, if that's what I really did want for me someday. Until then, it was about me. It was about what I wanted and needed and what made me happy. Jake didn't make me happy anymore. Any good was tainted by the tattoo and the short hair and how he was shirtless despite the slight chill, in cut off shorts. He wasn't My Jake anymore. He was Jacob Black, nothing but a heart breaker and a complete stranger.

My eyes returned to the people in the water, only to immediately notice that a few of the guys were now looking at me as well. I clouding Quil who's eyes went as wide as mine were. His smile completely dropped, his expression unsure. I shook myself out of my stupor, nodding once to him before turning away and focusing on getting to shore. I was done with the beach today. It wasn't fun anymore Unlike Jake, Quil was only good memories and Sam was only the person who had stolen everything for me. It was too many mixed emotions, all intense, and it ruined my relaxation and tranquility.

I heard someone scream my name as I reached the sand, exhausted and nearly falling over. I'd gotten too used to the feeling of the water. I ignored them and everything as I quickly made my way through the sand, folding my arms over my chest as my body tensed up more than it had been when I'd come here, shaking and shivering in the cold. Another scream of my name, much closer. How had they already gotten to shore? My teeth were chattering and I continued to ignore them, even though now I could identify them as- "Quil come on. She's not interested." That was a new voice. I turned, still protective of Quil even after everything we'd been through. But it wasn't Sam.

This boy was much smaller and skinnier, even though he was also muscular and taller and bigger than most boys I'd seen my entire life. Seriously what did they feed these boys?! He had wet hair that was kind of wild and strong features. He was pretty, I won't lie. Very attractive. I felt almost pulled to him, just a little. Perhaps it was my curiosity.

Then our eyes met. The whole world seemed to freeze over and burn up at the same time. My body was both too hot and too cold, tingling and burning and flashes of weird feelings everywhere. I felt the air get knocked out of my lungs and my body released any and all tensions it had held before. I almost lost my footing completely. He did, falling to his knees. Probably because of the bigger mass he had on me.

"Whoa, Embry, you okay?" Embry. THAT was Embry? The Embry who was Quil's ex-best friend and almost lover? Who had been Quil's Jake? Who had left Quil and Jake alike to join some gang for god knows why? Got into god knows what trouble?

Very quickly, I pulled myself together and turned abruptly to take off running away from them. It was hard to run in sand so I moved to the path past the beach and then finally took off at full speed. I didn't stop until I hit my car, my lungs burning and my body weak from over exertion. I moved to the beach first to grab my bag with my pants and keys in it, moving to my car as quickly as possible to take my keys out and get in. I didn't see the guys and thought I was gone free... but then my car wouldn't start. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel for a while before collecting myself, taking hold of my emotions, and then calmly getting out and heading to the trunk where my tools were. I left my bag on the driver's seat, door open as I popped the hood and then looked through what was wrong. There was a knob loose again and I shook my head, reaching over to where my open tool box revealed a wrench that I grabbed to tighten it again and hoping hat would do the trick. I put all my remaining strength in to tightening it as much as possible before putting the wrench back in the box and then going to the driver's seat to try turning on the car again. This time it worked.

With that victory, the same rush as always filled me and the boys and the worries they brought me simply melted away as I stood up, grinning. I moved my bag to the passenger seat, moving to my hood to close up my tool box and close it before I went to put it in the trunk and leave.

Whatever I'd done had allowed the boys I thought I was sure weren't following me to catch up because as I closed my hood I immediately saw Jake and I froze stiff, my joy forgotten. How soon the face of my ex could crush my happiness in the same way that happiness had wiped my mind of him just for a blissful moment. He had his arms crossed over his chest, seeming almost... proud of me. "You kept up the whole car thing. You handled that pretty well. Pretty quickly too."

"Yeah, you started me on a path that I followed. I'm pretty good at it I think. It's kind of all I do, other than school. Don't have any friends or family to occupy my time so what else am I going to do, right?" His smile dropped at that. My expression didn't change from an emotionless, distant disinterest. He swallowed, not liking my new reaction to him. It had been a year and a half though, what did he expect? "What do you want, Black?"

He made a face like he was tasting something bitter. "Look, I just came over here because my friend said you looked hurt-"

"Embry?" I perked up and immediately tried to hide it.

He eyed me. "No..." He swallowed, shuffling like he felt physically uncomfortable suddenly. "Paul- why- why did you ask about Embry specifically?"

I shrugged. "Nothing. You guys always come here on Saturday?"

"Usually," he said slowly, after a pause.

My face scrunched in distaste. "I'll aim for Friday's and Sunday's then. See you, Jake." My expression softened. "Look, I'm over everything that happened. It was forever ago. No bad blood?"

He didn't see to like that. "Sure." Seeking hin again reminded me that he was a different body and ran with a different group, but in the end he was still the same Jake. Still tender and concerned and proud of my progression. Still my friend. Still the boy I'd fallen in love with once upon a dream. Strange. What had changed with us then, if I was the same and he was the same? Then I noticed the tiredness. He looked almost.... aged. More hesitant. Darker.

So that was it. Whatever he'd gone through HAD changed him after all. If anything, I felt bad for him. I nodded to make my leave but was only able to put my tools in the trunk and move to my driver's seat before Embry himself finally ran up, eyes wide and totally out of breath.

"Wait!" He moved quickly to the front of the car. Jake wore an expression as bewildered as ny own, so I assumed this wasn't normal. "Sorry," he scrambled to pull himself together, raising a hand to run through his wild hair. I let out a short laugh, cutting it off and covering my mouth. He was honestly gorgeous, in a totally different way than Jake was. Embry's smile was crooked and charming and kind of boyish. He was lively and goofy and put me at ease instantly. He seemed as fun as Quil but much more energetic and I was almost too ready for it. Excited. "Are you free, maybe next weekend?" He rubbed the back of his neck and I knew I was blushing. "I know this is sudden and really weird but you're really pretty and um I'll probably never see you again."

"She probably isn't interested in-"

"Sure." I didn't mean to cut Jacob off, but I'd already been about to say it when he'd begun.

He shot me an even more surprised look. "What?" He demanded.

Quil strolled up, shaking his head. "SMOOTH, Embry. Honestly you're a disaster."

That knocked me out of my weird train of thought. Embry. Embry who was Quil's. Right? Embry who was part of Sam's gang. Sam who had taken everyone from me, including Jake, who was also probably one of Embry's best friends again now that they were in the gang together and up to who knows what. Trouble. This boy was nothing but trouble.

While Jake busies himself looking between me, Embry, and Quil, I pulled myself together. "Sorry, no." Embry seemed surprised by that. Fair, as he'd gotten an enthusiastic yes from me just seconds before. I smiled politely. "I'm sorry- Embry was it?" He nodded. "I'm not interested. I'm not in the dating scene right now and even if I was, I don't think whatever you're looking for is with me."

As I went to get in, he scrambled to stop me. "No you don't understand!" He was suddenly very close and it was incredibly distracting. "I know what you must think of Sam and the rest of us, but I promise you you're actually EVERYTHING I'm looking for. Specifically."

I was genuinely stunned. "Uh... excuse me?"

Forever Tag List: @alexa-playafricabytoto @chipster-21 @captainxholmes @bitchyseawitch @justanotherdaydreamersoul

#taylor lautner #embry call #kiowa gordon #jacob black #wolf pack #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #twilight #imagine #imagines #x reader

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dxmagedrose · 4 years

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GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it.

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now! [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore. even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye. i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way.

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all.

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER. F L Y P A P E R. FLYPAPER. FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street. roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani. I am but a simple opossum.

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’) It’s the most grounding smell in the world.

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I—— I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!! take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT… the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

#||: && the mundane ( ooc );#( get to know a bitch!! )#( this was... a lot of me rambling about weirdly personal shit at 2 am )

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i-want-to-be-manhandled · 6 years

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more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender.

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea.

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that��s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice.

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw, and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao). like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior

#kieran screams into the void #to t or not to t #that is the question #i think i should go on t after rereading this post #but im still a lil skeptical bc of that anxiety ya know #also pls laugh your ass off at my dumb high school self #im here to provide the most quality entertainment #it took me 3 hours to type this

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evenifyoudontfic · 6 years

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Even If You Don’t: Chapter 30

Previous chapter

I KNOW IT'S 11PM BUT BETTER LATE THAN NEVER AM I RIGHT LMAO

Mari's POV; 3:45pm

I was in the middle of moving the cookies I'd baked off of the cookie sheet once they'd finally cooled while Calum had gone upstairs to get Asher washed up so we could decorate them. I took the plate of cookies to the dining room table and while I was digging through the pantry to get the icing and sprinkles and everything, I heard the front door open and then close – and I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't skip a beat.

Since my mom had been at work, she obviously didn't know Calum had flown in to see me. I knew her feelings about him changed after the breakup – she seemed even more upset than me at times – so I didn't know how she'd react to finding out he was here. But it wasn't like I could exactly avoid it.

"I smell cookies," my mom said, walking into the room.

"I would hope so," I mentioned, closing the pantry door with my foot and bringing everything over to the table. Mom put her keys down on the counter and hung her purse on the barstool.

"You and Asher make them?" she asked.

"No, I made them while he was napping," I answered, "But he just woke up, so he is gonna help decorate some."

"You not get him out of bed yet?" she asked. She finally looked over at the table, tilting her head in surprise. "Wow, Mar," she let out a soft laugh, "Baking for the neighborhood today, are we?"

"I... No... You know..." I cleared my throat, "We've got a fourth person staying for a couple days..."

"What?" she furrowed her eyebrows, "Mom didn't mention-"

"It's not Grandma, Mom..." I told her, only confusing her even more.

"Then who would be staying for a couple days?" she wondered. But I didn't get the chance to respond before we heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"I'm gonna make a pink cookie with lots of spwinkles for Mommy!" Asher announced, bouncing on Calum's hip.

I heard my boyfriend chuckle in response, "That's very nice of you, bud; I'm sure Mummy will really love it!" Calum turned the corner after stepping off the staircase, only to freeze the moment he reached the threshold and noticed my mom standing there.

My mom glanced at Calum for a moment before cocking an eyebrow at me while I just scrunched my face up in nervousness. I had no idea what to say, or any idea how she'd react, but Asher was the first to speak.

"Mommy, look!" he smiled widely, "Calum hewe!" The toddler hugged Calum's neck tightly, and I noticed my mom's body relax a bit.

"Yeah, Ashy – I can see that..." she acknowledged her son but her eyes never left the person holding him, "Why...?" Both Calum and I started to speak, but Asher beat us to it.

"He say sowwy to me and Mawi," he informed her.

"I did..." Calum finally spoke, a bashful smile on his face, "And it's suddenly occurred to me that there's a third person I need to apologize to..."

I watched on nervously, unaware of what was going on in my mom's head right now and honestly a bit scared of what she was going to say to him. But of all the scenarios that played out in my head within the span of 10 seconds, none of them were what actually happened.

"Well, if Asher forgave you, I think I'd look pretty ridiculous if I still held a grudge," Mom said.

I couldn't help but snort softly, "You should have seen him when Cal got here then." My mom simply shot Calum a smile, making him breathe a small sigh of relief, before speaking again.

"So what's this I hear about lots of sprinkles?" she wondered.

Asher frowned, "It 'posed to be a s'pwise." Calum and I laughed again as he brought Asher over to the table, setting him in his highchair while I put a cookie, frosting tube, and jar of sprinkles on its table.

"Okay, okay," Mom put her hands up in surrender, "I won't come back in here until you're done with it." She then looked at Calum and I. "No food fights this time," she ordered, walking out of the room.

"We cleaned it up!"

"Michael started it!" the both of us shouted at the same time, hearing her laugh as she sat down on the living room couch to watch TV.

Calum's POV; 8:00pm

Mari and I were sitting on the couch while Lori was giving Asher his bath and putting him to bed. I perked up as my phone started ringing with the tone I'd set for Facetime. I pulled it out of my pocket, finding Ashton's name on the screen.

"I'm about to get yelled at for leaving so suddenly," I groaned, only making Mari giggle. I answered the call and Ashton popped up on the screen, but didn't even have the chance to say 'hello' before I heard Michael's voice.

"Please tell us it's true!" he exclaimed, poking his head into frame. Ashton simply adjusted his phone so that he, Michael, and Luke could all be in the shot as they spoke to me.

"What?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. It was obvious to me that they'd just woken up, so I knew they'd had no idea about me and Mari. Or did they?

"We just got on Twitter and saw you and Mari trending!" Luke chirped, "What happened? Is that why you left? Are you with Mari?" Mari giggled at all the questions, crawling over to me and resting her chin on my shoulder so they could finally see her.

"Hi, guys," she grinned.

"Mari!" all three of them shouted simultaneously, making us both laugh that time.

"Are you guys back together?!" Ashton asked excitedly. She looked at me curiously for a moment before turning back to the boys.

"Unless I blacked out and this is all a dream, yeah," she nodded.

I chuckled under my breath, propping my foot up on the coffee table so I could rest my forearm on my knee. I put my other hand on Mari's thigh, tugging on her so her legs overlapped mine. She repositioned herself to do so comfortably, wiggling her arms around my waist and loosely hugging me as she laid her head on my shoulder.

"So you guys are good again?" Luke wondered hopefully. I felt Mari nod, making me turn to kiss her head, then feeling her smile into my shirt.

"Thank God!" Michael shouted, "I was getting so sick of Cal's moping!" I rolled my eyes in response while the girl beside me just giggled again.

"You guys know I love you more than anything, but Cal and I have a lot to catch up on, so..." she said. All three of them instantly groaned.

"Gross," Ashton shook his head, "We didn't need to know that."

"Use protection, kids!" Luke insisted.

"Goodbye," Mari rolled her eyes that time, the arm on top of my stomach moving to end the Facetime call. "They're children," she grumbled, returning her arm to where it had been while I just set my phone on the couch cushion beside us, "How do they survive on their own?"

"They don't," I laughed lightly again, pressing another kiss to her forehead.

kind of a filler tbh i just wanted something to post

Next chapter

#calum hood #5sos #evenifyoudontfic #calum hood fanfic #calum fanfic #calum hood fic #calum hood fan fiction #calum fic #calum fan fiction #5sos fanfic #5sos fan fiction #5sos fic #slfl #sounds live feels live

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villnis-archive · 7 years

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Hey! I've been following you for a while (since before you had top surgery) and I was wondering if you have any tips for the recovery period after top surgery? Mine is soon (omg!!), and I'm not looking forward to the time after;; Thank you very much!

aaah omg that’s super exciting!! good luck !!! I’m super happy for you! :DD

okay so first of all people are really different when it comes to this stuff so whatever worked for me might not for you and so on, but I’m just gonna write a nice long post for you about some stuff I did while recovering and some stuff I wish I’d known/thought of/remembered xD

before you even go have your surgery you should prepare some things. idk if you live alone or if you’ll have anyone around to help you or what but keeping the following in mind is probably a good idea: in your kitchen, move some plates, glasses, and other stuff you’ll need down on the counter so you can reach them without having to stretch. put a stool in your kitchen too in case you have to sit down while preparing food. try to prepare as much as you can ahead of time, at least for a few days, because I’m not gonna lie you’re gonna feel like shit. I didn’t have any appetite whatsoever for like four or five days but you can’t live on just a few sips of water every now and then + painkillers so just get something simple and plain to keep you going. you don’t have to eat a lot or as much as you usually do, but you have to try to eat something.

also, stock up on stuff to do that doesn’t require you to move so much. tv shows, movies, books, maybe some handheld games if you have them (I tried to sit by my computer just to browse the internet on like day three and I had So Many Regrets after 20 minutes). if you’re anything like me you’ll probably end up sleeping a lot but having something to occupy your mind for when you’re awake is a good idea!

speaking of sleep, I highly recommend either getting a shitload of pillows to lean on for your bed or just sleeping in a comfy chair if you have one. my dad let me borrow one of his recliners from the living room for a couple of weeks and it was a godsend honestly. sleeping straight out on my back was fucking torture. not only was lying down and getting up incredibly painful, but because I couldn’t move onto my side or anything I ended up feeling extremely stiff and uncomfortable and even when I managed to fall asleep like that I usually just woke up again after a couple of hours at most. finding a way to sleep in a semi-sitting position will make everything so much easier and more comfortable!

ASK FOR HELP. I have this issue where I feel like a burden and a monster if I ever even mildly inconvenience someone but the fact is this is MAJOR SURGERY and you’re just not gonna be in shape to do shit for a while. if you can, ask someone to cook for you or at least get takeaway for you, ask for help to wash your hair and to change the tape on your scars, ask for help getting out of bed if you need it, there’s no shame in asking for help even for really simple things ok

so apparently surgeons tell their patients a lot of different things about this thing but I had to wear a compression vest for 4 weeks after surgery (2 weeks around the clock, another 2 weeks just during the day). it was all right for a while but after the first week or so I started hating it almost as much as I ever hated my boobs, I kid you not. I wanted to burn that thing and dance around the fire. it’s going to suck, but it’s worth it!!! you’ll get to take the vest off eventually!

this really goes for everything tbh... it’s going to suck. the first couple of weeks at least are gonna be weird, shit’s gonna hurt, you’re gonna be nauseous and lose your appetite, your chest is gonna look like a t-rex chewed on you and spat you back out, you’re gonna start feeling gross because showering’s gonna be a bitch, that fucking vest is gonna start smelling too and digging into places and your sleeping schedule will go to hell.BUTit’s gonna feel so so wonderful. less than two minutes after waking up I was crying because I was so happy, and now it’s been 5 months and I feel fantastic and it’s honestly one of the best choices I’ve ever made. I don’t regret a single thing. I feel so good, nonny, and you will too I’m sure of it!

(a final note on surgery day: so idk if you have any problems with this but personally I have a lot of issues with you know, memory loss and dissociating and stuff so I needed a lot of reassurance that things would be fine before I got knocked out. it’s fine. it literally felt like two seconds had passed and it was the best couple of hours of sleep I’d ever had tbh. and people say and do a lot of weird shit when they’re just waking up, but the nurses around you are 1. probably used to it and 2. not allowed to tell anyone about it, so don’t worry if you cry or ramble or share personal shit (all of which I did lmao). it’s fine I promise

#anon #ask

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surveys-r-us · 4 years

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“run away with me”

I have a step or half-sibling. I have velvet pants. I have a t-shirt from a museum exhibit. I’ve been to Dunkin’ Donuts before. I’ve been on the subway. I usually get movies from the library. I’m scared of heights. I should be asleep right now. I have something that smells like mint. I have spare batteries. My speakers are off right now. My computer is in my bedroom. I only have one blanket on my bed. I own or have owned a teddy bear. I’ve memorized bohemian rhapsody. I’ve played Runescape. I like to make lists. I’ve listened to the Beach Boys.

I am very flexible. In bookstores, I walk around with my head tilted sideways. I’m wearing a hoodie. I know a lot of weird facts. I’ve watched Nightmare on Elm Street before. I know what pappillon means in English. Sufjan Stevens makes me happy. (lol his music depresses me. who possibly gets happy listening to him?) I wish my nose was smaller. I like to eat goldfish. I smile a lot. I use “however” instead of “but” when writing an essay. I’ve seen The Breakfast Club. I’ve had a burping contest with someone. And I won the contest. I like sharing books with my friends. I usually recognize the poets my English teacher talks about. (don’t have an English teacher anymore) A stranger has given me a high five for no reason. I’ve been to a Harry Potter book release party. I usually need to be reminded to eat. I have tiny hands. I like to look for shapes in the plaster on my ceiling. I prefer pencils to pens. I write on my hands when I need to remember something.

I’ve been to a roller skating rink. I own a piece of clothing that is rainbow patterned. I own a piece of clothing with skulls on it. I am extremely patient. I wish I could dance well. I’ve been to an ice skating rink. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep at night. I have a purse with flowers on it. I love to people watch. I’ve written an acrostic poem. I have bad posture. I’ve fallen asleep in class. I am very easily embarrassed. I liked to make up stories when I was a kid. Whenever I ride my bike, I’m tempted to start singing bicycle race. I take prescription creams/face washes/pills for acne. I drink milk daily. I’ve been told I act like I’m on drugs. I’ve been told I look like I’m on drugs. I have my hair up in a bun. I own something Beatles-related. I don’t use the caps lock key often. I have very strong opinions. I love to eat grinders. I don’t call long sandwiches grinders. Teachers have asked me if I’m depressed. More than once. I don’t care what you think of me. I have a toothache. Wonderwall is my “I like someone” song. There’s a book beside or on my bed. I hate innuendo. I really admire improvisational comedians. I don’t like gym class. I am going to do better this school year. I don’t use the word fag. Ever. I’ve been told I have a beautiful singing voice. I can read Shakespeare without translations. I adore English class. I know what the Kinsey scale is. I read more than one book at a time. I love places that sell dollar-a-cup coffee. The Magic School bus taught me a lot. I liked to dance on the kitchen table as a kid. I’ve lived with a relative for more than a year. I hate sharing a bed. I cried a lot as a kid. My friends have excellent taste in music. I know what I want to be when I grow up. Antidisestablishmentarianism! I like to drink coke zero. I watched Labyrinth only because David Bowie was in it. I bite my nails a lot. I’ve been to a music festival. I’ve gotten sunburn before. And it bled. I hate the noise vacuums make. I prefer showers to baths. Jeffree Starr is way overrated I don’t like my mouse pad. I love people who look classy. My nail polish is chipped. I’m going to read a book today. My mattress is on the floor. I am an insomniac. Cabaret punk is love. I have a DVD I want to watch. I’m a really picky eater. I take ibuprofen a lot. I tan very easily. The sun is shining right now. I love yellow Jell-O. I’ve made Popsicles with an ice cube tray, juice and toothpicks. And I called them ghetto pops. I’ve never met my neighbors. I’ve drawn on the street with chalk. I’ve been in a tree house. Tire swings are really fun. I love abandoned places. I have a plastic bag near me. I only watch TV when I’m really bored. I can’t wait to graduate. I’ve pulled an all-nighter so I would be really tired the next night. I really hate needles. I get along with my parents. I fall in love with songs that have beautiful lyrics. I listen to anti-folk. I have no idea what anti-folk is. I like to blow bubbles. I’ve won a hula hooping contest before. I’ve almost drowned. I’ve choked on something. I’ve taken a first aid course. One of my friends is in a different state right now. I’ve been to Chicago. I really like mohawks, but I would never get one. I am always warm. I have some weird eating habits. I like to spin in desk chairs. I have a beta fish. I have big lips. Tape is way better than glue. I like stickers. I’ve worn black jelly bracelets before. There is a type of music that I think is awful. My favorite girl from The Hills is Audrina. No, I prefer LC. I don’t have texting on my phone. I prefer New York to California. I’ve read all the Harry Potter books. Lord of the Rings too. I want to get a tattoo that has to do with a band. My family doesn’t eat dinner together. I’m worried that I won’t get into any college. I’m already in college! I own more than one flannel shirt. School is very important to me. I’d live on the beach if I could. Avocado is sooooo good. I can speak five languages fluently. One of my friends already has a kid. I drive everywhere. I hate when people say things aren’t art. I’m currently texting more than 3 people. My best friend wears the same size clothes as I do. I’ve only been in one serious relationship. One of my parents is gay. I rescued my pet from the animal shelter. I want to live in many different states when I’m older. I hardly ever go to the movies. I’ve liked one of my favorite bands for many years. I’m looking for a serious relationship right now. A lot of Starbucks are closing by my house. We don’t have H&M in my state. That’s my favorite store. I never order things online. I’m constantly listening to music. US History fascinates me Oranges are the best fruit. I have lactose intolerance. I always watch the National Spelling Bee on TV. I’m on a family plan. Parties aren’t my scene. I’ve lost many friends in my life and I’m okay with that. There are some friends I still wish I had. Fake nails look gross. I own an oyster card. (I don’t even live in the UK lmao) My birthday is in the fall. 2008 was a horrible year for me. Actually, it was the best. I’ve been on a cruise before. I like chemistry more than biology. I like taking surveys more than making them. I absolutely despise the color pink. I don’t have a significant other. I get all four seasons where I live. I only shop when I absolutely have the need to. I have an older brother. I have my driver’s license. I don’t want to have kids someday. I wear more jeans than skirts. I’d rather wear sneakers than high heels. I don’t go to church. I don’t like having my fringe in my face. I’m very much into heavy metal music. I own like, a hundred hoodies. I couldn’t draw to save my life. I’m a very good cook. I always have to look at the keyboard when I type. I’ve had surgery before. I don’t mind getting shots all that much. I’m not afraid of bugs. I love hot, hot weather! I have huge eyes and long lashes. I’m naturally very pale. I’m usually not very picky at all when it comes to food. My parents are divorced. I don’t like doing surveys, but I find myself doing them anyway. I’m addicted to Tumblr. I don’t have a Facebook account. I have perfect vision and don’t need glasses or contacts. I don’t wear makeup when I go out. I hate stores like Forever 21 I’m very much into sports. I don’t see what the big deal about photography is. Or fashion design. I don’t really appreciate art that much. Horror movies are my favorite. I don’t care if people cut in line in front of me. I don’t even remember the last time I put on a piece of jewelry. My hair is naturally straight. I support gay marriage. I have more friends online than I do in real life. My siblings are all older than I am. My significant other is younger than I am. I curse in almost every sentence I speak. I always get straight A’s in exams. I don’t know how to play any instrument. I only know how to speak one language. I don’t have my own personal blog. I’m allergic to something. I’ve been stung by a bee at least once in my life. This is the last survey I��m doing today. I have seen someone propose in public before. And they got rejected, poor bloke. I wonder if I will ever get proposed in public. Heck I don’t even know if I’ll ever get married. I know what a sake bomb is. I’ve tried it before. I’ve watched ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’. ^ Ew, sad much? I think Paris Hilton is a brainless bitch. I celebrate Chinese New Year. I’m not Chinese or a tiny bit Asian at all. I have a step-sibling. I have a weak tolerance of alcohol. Are you kidding me? I can drink all night long! I want a new cell phone. I have my own bathroom. I sleep on a single bed. Nah, I have a King/Queen size bed! I think one night stands are no biggie. ^ Slut ^Prude I’ve been on a helicopter before. I’m actually afraid of heights. My date rented a limo to take me to prom. Pfft, I wish I had a date. I haven’t had my prom yet. I like clicking on advertisements. Pop-up ads are so old school. I recently took a bath. I never bother, I just take showers. My Christmas holidays were the bomb! Ugh, mine sucked like hell. I’d love to go to Japan one day. I’ve seen a ghost before. ^ I’d pee in my pants if I did. ^ No, I’d run and scream. I can write lyrics! I can, but I’m not very good at it. I would like to become a musician one day. I love finding things in sofa cracks. Black people can sing really well. So can Filipinos! Really, anyone with talent can do that. I know someone that’s trying very hard to fit in a stereotype. Every cup of water I drink equals to a trip to the toilet. I recently received my exam results. They were quite good! Nope, failed it all. It’s my boyfriend’s birthday today. He never gives me gifts. He buries me with them. I wish I had a boyfriend that actually spends money on me! I love him very much. The Beatles rock my world. Actually, a lot of classic rock bands rock my world. It takes me a really long while to get to sleep. I’m a personality quiz fiend. I am and have always been a night owl. I love reading Sarah Dessen books. My earphones are in my ears practically 24/7. I am an only child and that’s not because of any death. I hate school and everything else connected to it. I’ve never been in any romantic relationship. I have a lot of favorite names. And I plan to use those names on my kids. I’m reading a comic book right now. I’m listening to music right now. I memorize lyrics really easily. But memorizing stuff for school isn’t easy at all. Math is my worst enemy. I love bolding surveys. Nice and easy. I pick Guitar Hero over Rock Band. I’m afraid of heights. And spiders. Actually any disgusting insect. I really don’t mind being all alone. I talk to myself. My favorite animal: zebras. I know that there’s such a thing as a Supersaurus. Dinosaurs fascinate me. English class is love. I know how to make layouts. But I’m way too lazy.

#this is the most 2009 survey i've ever taken lmao

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