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#if i am being generous i got maybe 1-2 hours of sleep last night... i am more inclined to gauge at less than 1

general--winter · 1 year

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uchiha shisui x reader - get some sleep

author's note: I promise I am working on requests, but holy shit I love Shisui so much. There's not enough content for me to be satisfied, so I think it's my job to provide. Please take this vent fic about my insomnia and my long distance relationship where I wish I could cuddle with my partner to sleep like this :(

rating: general

fandom: naruto

pairings: uchiha shisui x gn!reader

word count: 2288

warnings: insomnia

summary: You haven't gotten a good night's rest in weeks, and your roommate (secret crush, actually!) takes notice. You try to keep yourelf under control, but the sleep deprivation catches up to you.

The back of your eyelids are supposed to be the best thing you look at every day. Most people spend one third of their lives looking at it, so how could it possibly be so hard for you to enjoy it?

Your whiny grunt echoed throughout the eerily quiet and dark room, the sound of shuffling sheets ricocheting off of every surface imaginable while you adjusted your sleeping position yet again. Their slipping noise might as well have been as loud as standing next to a damn waterfall, because it made your eyes snap open for the umpteenth time that night. Accompanied by a throbbing headache and a parched mouth, you resigned yourself to a while longer with no sleep and padded your way into the kitchen of your apartment.

3:28 read the clock while you poured yourself a glass of water from the almost-empty filter. Fuck, had you seriously been awake and aware that entire time? Catching the clock in your room throughout the night at 12:50, 1:36, 2:47, or even 3:04 convinced you that yes, you couldn’t sleep. Again.

How long has it been since you’ve gotten more than one or two hours of fitful rest at night? A week, at least. Your sanity was practically caffeine and a prayer strung together with kiddie glue and ninety-nine cent store twine. At first you thought it was work. Five back-to-back A rank missions would ruin any jonin’s month, especially if you flubbed the last one for your team due to lacking the coordination necessary. But even after you were given the next three weeks off by the new Hokage, a friend of yours by the name of Kakashi, it was as if sleep was even harder to come by.

You figured maybe it was a jutsu of some kind that an enemy had been able to place on you, but Sakura was personally able to confirm you were not under any sort of chakra influence at the hospital. She was able to prescribe a medication to help you sleep while you waited for a formal appointment on the matter, but when you got back to your room, you gazed at the half-empty bottle in disappointment. All that did is give me the migraine of my life, you thought, wincing at the pain that was no longer there. You had headaches every night after laying fitfully on your pillows for hours on end, but you could have sworn that one had you dying, nauseous and wanting to murder the sun and every bird that started chirping that morning.

A door on the other end of your apartment gently made a noise, something you definitely didn’t expect. Your breathing became rapid as you sat on the edge of your bed, waiting to see if you heard anything else. You weren’t in a state to fight at all, and your roommate, Shisui Uchiha, somehow slept like a fucking log when he wasn’t on a mission. Your face contorted into a scowl. Sure, Shisui was nice, you considered him among your closest friends, and you maybe had the slightest crush on him, but this already smelled rotten of a half-baked scheme. But there’s no way you woke him up in the middle of the night, right?

Knock, knock, knock!

The sound of your own bedroom door being gently tapped made you jump and wind up a fist, ready to see who would come through, daring to invade your home.

“Are you alright in there?” a gentle voice you recognized immediately sounded through the thick wood.

You had woken your roommate and secret crush, Shisui, up. Somehow. You’d been so quiet, too, at least you thought. Why was he up? Or was he never asleep?

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you responded in a rasp through the door. “Just had to grab some water. Forgot to take a glass with me to bed.”

He made a noise of confirmation. “Sounds like you need it. Jeez. You were stumbling through the kitchen like a bull in a pottery shop.”

“Is there anything you need?” you pointedly asked. I’d like to get back to kicking and whining in bed.

“I actually can’t sleep. You want to hang out for a little while?” Shisui proposed through the door.

An odd development. Shisui of the Body Flicker, one of the strongest shinobi in Konoha, was to your knowledge, the heaviest sleeper you’d ever met.

“No, I’m okay.”

“Come on, not gonna help a friend out?”

Ugh. He’s gonna pull this.

You swung the door into your room to greet him. From above, Shisui was giving you a pout and serious puppy dog eyes. His black locks were smushed in on one side, making a small mound of hair. And looking at his eyes, they were cutely puffed up from lack of sleep. This man was too adorable for his own good. You wanted to reach your hand out to smooth his hair, and you almost did in your sleep-deprived state.

“Guilting me, huh?” you instead said.

“You know you can’t resist.” He threw a lopsided grin your way.

“No, I can’t,” you grumbled. You took your full glass and stumbled out of your room. The lamp had been flicked on, bathing the simple common room in a warm, yellow light. Vaguely, you recognized that splashes of water were tipping over your cup and hitting the rug.

In one swift motion, Shisui took a seat on the couch and draped his arm over the top, inviting you to sit next to him. You took him up, grabbing the remote on your way. Ah, you wondered, he probably just wants to watch more television and didn’t want to disturb me.

A year or two ago, due to the many scientific alliances and treaties between the great shinobi nations, technology and communications developed at a rapid pace. One of these new inventions, television, provided entertainment in the homes of the masses via video. The television could show the viewer anything that was filmed with cameras; it looked like you were actually somewhere you were not. And well, your roommate had developed a habit of watching various nature documentaries in his down time. For the cute animals.

“Do you wanna watch Kiri Geographic?” Shisui snatched the remote from your hands and flicked on the television. “I’m going to put it on anyway, but what I’m asking is if you’ll be interested or if you’ll whine the entire time.”

“No, no,” you muttered. “Sounds like a good plan.”

The channel flicked on. On the screen, images of various sea creatures that lived in the Land of Water were shown. You registered some seals preying on penguins. The storylines of these shows really were ridiculous, the narrator always took the side of the prey, but what about the seal? Doesn’t he have to eat? Why does no one ever…

You jolted up automatically as your muscles lost control of themselves; your body began to slump towards the man sitting next to you. The smell of rosewood wafted to your nose and shocked your entire system when you realized your head had almost plopped straight onto his chest. Shit. I wouldn’t have been able to recover from that.

“All good there?” Shisui asked, not peeling his eyes from the television. You thought you caught a glint in his eye.

“Um… yeah, I’m okay. I just…” you started, your voice drifting off. You hated bothering Shisui with your issues, no matter how big or small. Unfortunately, he was persistent, and your brain was immensely foggy.

“Just what?” He lowered his arm to your shoulders, making your entire body stiffen like a wooden board. The simple motion sucked all of the breath out of your lungs and caused your heart to skip a beat. There was no reply to muster.

“Seriously, (Y/N), use your words. Something’s up with you.” Shisui threw another grin at you.

Why is he acting so damn flirty tonight? you wondered. Sure, the two of you teased each other all of the time, but not like this…

“I, uh. I think I’m getting sleepy out here, so I’m gonna go back to my room,” you lied through your teeth, springing up and away from Shisui’s touch. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And don’t feel bad about the television, it won’t keep me up.” No, my dumb fucking body is doing that just fine.

“Your body is keeping you awake?” Shisui flicked off the program, leaning forward towards you. Had you just said your thoughts aloud? Fuck. It sure didn’t feel like it. In embarrassment, you scampered back to your room, the Uchiha hot on your heels.

A feeble attempt to shut your door was met by Shisui’s calloused hand on the edge, boxing you in. The warm light filtered into your dark room around the corner.

“Can I come in?” he gently asked, his soft eyes looking down at you.

I don’t want to bother him but… I think he wants to help, your brain struggles. On one hand, it’s totally mortifying to imagine telling Shisui any of the problems that had plagued you for the past weeks. But your body had enough of this. It made the decision for you, hijacking your brain.

“Yes, you can come in. Please help.”

Giving up, you opened the door further for him, immediately getting into your double bed to hide under the covers. Shisui took a seat on the edge, his eyes softly looking down at you.

“I know everything from Lady Tsunade and Sakura-san,” he said in his smooth and relaxing voice. “You can’t fall asleep. Nothing’s working.”

“Why would they tell you?” you questioned back with an unintended amount of venom. “I was about to tell you anyway.”

“They know how stubborn you are. Kakashi had to force you to take off for the next few weeks, yeah?”

Dramatically, you turned your face into your pillow and let out a groan.

“Okay, so what? What are you gonna do about it?” You turned to face Shisui.

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” he proposed with a soft look on his face. Shit. His expression was oozing with concern, with fondness, with… love? It swayed you. Drew out a deep, repressed desire of yours. You drew up the corner of your comforter and scooted over.

“Lay… with me?”

Fuck. Why would I do that? you scolded in your head. I’m such an idiot, I’m so stupid, he would never—

“Of course,” he whispered, laying next to you.

Your head emptied of thoughts. Shisui was laying down next to you. Your roommate. Your friend. Your crush. His warmth and smell encapsulated you. You were drunk on it, your mind hazed. In a moment of what you would call ‘brilliance’ nowadays (but at the time it was more so a moment of ‘idiocy’), you decided to wrap your arms around Shisui and bury your head in his shoulder blades, relishing in the texture of his cotton bed shirt on your face. He laughed lightly, and you could feel the vibration on your cheek.

“You wanna cuddle? Is that going to help you sleep?” Shisui teased. You knew that this is incredibly out of character. But you were delusional from lack of sleep. If Shisui could get you to fall asleep, then you were going to kill two birds with one stone— finally sleep and show your feelings to Shisui Uchiha.

“It’s not. But I figured it would be comfortable.”

This drew another laugh from him. He spun around and you were now laying against his shoulder, the rest of your body flush with Shisui’s. From under you, his arm came and wrapped around your waist. The view of his face was foreign. Up close, he was incredibly handsome. You could see every detail of his lashes, every shadow that wisped around his eyes. It caused your heart to flutter uncontrollably.

“Hmm, comfortable. Laying against me? I might get the wrong idea if you keep saying things like that.”

“No, I think you’ll be getting the right idea.”

“We can talk about this in the morning” he whispered, his other hand reaching up to brush a stray piece of hair from your face and rest palm-down on your cheek. His scent washed over you. You were positive he could feel your heart racing there.

“But I think I know how to help you sleep. Only for one night, but getting one night of normal rest might help you get back into the rhythm,” Shisui spoke gently to you, his black eyes meeting your own in the dim light of your room.

“And what would that be?” you questioned, voice slurring with exhaustion. You could barely focus on anything but how beautiful his eyes were.

“I can put you under a genjutsu. It will put you to sleep without fail.”

“Really?” you asked, elated. In an instant, you were nuzzled into his shoulder, arms wrapped around his lithe frame. “Can you at least stay here with me? After I fall asleep?”

“Yes,” Shisui laughed. “I can stay here. Now look into my eyes, okay?”

You obliged without question, the thought of cuddling with Shisui all night and finally getting a night of rest overwhelming you. His eyes focused on yours. So softly, so lovingly. You gazed right back with a similar expression. Red filled your gaze. Shisui’s Sharingan. The tomoe spun slowly, hypnotically. You were enraptured. Shisui hugged you against him tightly but ever so gently. His scent comforted you. His legs wrapped around your own. You were safe. You were secure. You were protected. And your eyelids, heavy with sleep, closed. Shisui finally bestowed upon you true, blissful sleep.

#naruto #naruto x reader #naruto fanfiction #uchiha shisui x reader #uchiha shisui #one shot #im in my shisui era don't disturb me im getting enrichment time in my enclosure

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thetreetopinn · 5 months

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My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 7, 2023

I know this is published on Dec 8, but this is what I wrote down for the day before--my first day on the medication.

I figure it might be helpful for others, or maybe folks who have more experience might be able to offer insight since this is my first time medicating for ADD.

Observations:

Adderall 20mg - two doses daily (one in the morning, one around noon)

1st dose taken at approximately 8:30 am

Noticed the tablet has a mild sweet taste, reminded me of Smarties. Will need to ensure if I'm around any of the younger members of the extended family that none of them have access and think it's candy.

No major side effects detected.

Very mild light-headedness about 1-2 hours in, lasted very briefly, possibly only half an hour, not strong enough to be of any concern, did not impair mobility in any way, just strong enough to be noticed.

Noticed the expected appetite suppression, did not feel hungry all day long.

Due to the nature of the day's work (which was somewhat abnormal, a great deal of training others and talking required), ate only a few bites of lunch.

Will need to make a more concerted effort to ensure that I am eating regularly.

Looking forward to not having a desire to snack in between meals, may help lose at least a little weight.

Will not rely on medication as weight loss or hunger management, only a happy side effect.

Due to hunger (lowered blood sugar), noticed increased tremors in hands.

Will need to provide myself with provisions that I can eat quickly and easily (granola bars and the like) so that I can maintain a more level blood sugar without snacking regularly.

Was concerned the medication would leave me feeling jittery--it's a stimulant--but did not experience jitteriness at all during the day.

Instead, noticed a general sense of eagerness to get things done. Possibly because of how positive the work day was going, keeping me in a better mood.

Noticed an improved energy level--usual 40 year old millennial fatigue was not present.

Unsure if this is just due to the nature of having a good day and being in a better mood and having gotten an uninterrupted night's sleep, or if it is the medication.

Will continue to observe as medication continues.

2nd dose taken at approximately 1 pm

Continued to notice good energy (again, may just have been because I was having a good work day)

Light-headedness did not return during the second dose. Will watch to see if it returns tomorrow morning.

Got off work at 5 pm, went to pick up car from the shop, got home around 6:30-7pm, still noticing good energy.

Noticed appetite return around 6 pm, mild hunger, then building to "Oh, I haven't actually eaten really anything ALL DAY because distracted by training" hunger by about 7pm.

General feeling of being productive--completed several household tasks: laundry, dishes, built spreadsheet for auto maintenance history.

Curious if part of my good day is because the medicine helps to stabilize emotional disregulation--something I have some difficulty with sometimes.

More data is needed to see if this is the result of the medicine or just generally better experience at work for the day.

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Keeping up with the log actually helps me stay more aware of what is happening to me #And I can share it with my doctor when I follow up with him in a few weeks #So far so good #No serious problems to report #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey

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icedmetaltea · 10 months

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HelO am back. So yesterday we waited 2 HOURS IN WAITING ROOM and then I got shuffled into the containment™ room, spent about 5 hrs there sitting on a bed and talking with like 5-6 ppl. Despite it being a scary environment (it was a bland room with grey walls ((the grey walls were the best part, they were the perfect shade of grey and I loved it)), there were beds with a pillow and nothing else, there were other ppl walking around, one guy screaming and hurling profanities at staff occasionally, overall rlly loud cause ppl kept walking in and out) the staff/counselor were super nice. Nobody made me feel like I was being dramatic or anything.

They got me hooked up with new meds that same day and should contact me about a counselor within the next few days (which I've been stressing abt nonstop but apparently they accept medicaid so I won't have to worry abt surprise fees), gave me food to bring home, gave me a sheet with 100 coping mechanisms as well.

Ultimately they said I should be fine to go home that same day since the type of self-harming I was doing wasn't with the intention of killing myself but dealing with guilt and rlly fucky emotions due to the friend breakup/hopelessness abt future/mega anxiety, plus I'd always care for the wounds afterwards so that signaled it was more a subconscious cry for help that I'd been ignoring for too long, BUT that I should maybe spend the next night or two with family and possibly long-term if the stuff with my sibling worsens or if my mental state in general declines again, so I spent the night with my older sis who drove me there (we cuddled and watch the Mitchells vs. The Machines lol... it's been so, so long since I've been able to do that with anyone. Didn't realize how touch-starved I was)

Everybody was really reassuring that I'd done the right thing and that I wasn't at all overreacting and hhhhHHHH I guess I rlly needed to hear that. After the whole friend breakup thing I've been feeling like the cruelest, most manipulative, horrible person in the world after having that sentiment floating around in the back of my mind for months due to many things and it turns out it's a mix of shock from such big changes in my life (breakup with close friend, possibly moving, possibly transferring college, hell even climate change and constant political strife) and clinical depression™ (like I knew I had anxiety but turns out I was wayy more depressed in general than i thought... like washing dishes isn't supposed to be something I have to syke myself up for for for days)

So yea I started the day entirely hopeless and ready to jump off a bridge and while I still have a lot of shit I'll have to work through in therapy, I'm so, so much better now now than I was.

I also got 1 hr of sleep last night since I was so exhausted from it all (funny how that works) and the fact that it was loudly storming all night, so ima slep now g'night

#irl stuff #vent #kinda #mental health #tw anxiety #tw depression #tw suicide #tw self-harm

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azantiss · 4 months

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Intro! in more depth

hello! i finally actually got tumblr wow. no more just lurking on the web version and getting screenshots from friends :)

my main focuses for this blog will probably be: (1) music, (2) ace/aro spectrum self-discovery stuff, (3) general stuff about psychology, (4) personal art projects. i also tend to ramble about random things i discover about being a person so if that shows up here don't be surprised. not sure if people usually make different blogs for these things but we'll see i guess.

my life: i am a university student! i'm a cognitive science major with psychology and neuroscience concentration and a gender studies minor. almost done with my bachelors yippee! i also have a radio show where i'm a DJ and get to propaganda the masses (/lh) yay. probably implied there but i am over 18 (i am 20). i also reside in the US. i am also queer. i use they/them pronouns and identify somewhere within the non-binary umbrella. probably agender. i am also currently unpacking my sexuality but i believe i am pretty strongly on the aromantic spectrum. i have been finding myself identifying more as just ambivalent to like everything gender/sexuality of late. i am a floating orb in space time idk man. most of why i made this account is to find more aromantic education resources.

i am also autistic and adhd, along with some crock pot of other stuff like anxiety depression ocd cptsd, and potentially bpd (also unpacking that one) and probably other things i am not remembering. insomnia if that counts i have incredibly chronic insomnia. some day maybe i will share my sleep charts where we see my average sleep hours are like 3 per night it's a nice chart.

i'm a leftist- or something around that area, terms can vary. if you are in any way a bigot, go away. this is not a place for homophobia, transphobia, racism, xenophobia, zionism, ableism, victim-blaming, sexism, or any other kind of discrimination etc. i strive to be aware of everything that i say but if there's ever any issues i am unaware of or could improve upon speaking about, feel free to educate me if you'd like!

i use tone indicators! will try to remember to put them in as much as i can if something needs it.

i do a project called 'an album a day' and i'm hoping to share that for 2024!! if you have any super awesome albums to share, send them to me any time! above is a picture of last year's album a day! I will tag those posts with #azantisalbumaday2024

some current music hyperfixations: the narcissist cookbook, careful gaze, bloodywood, fast animals and slow kids, set to stun, bring me the horizon, fall out boy, muse, the amazing devil, nothing but thieves, autoheart, vienna teng, art sorority, jean dawson, my chemcial romance, you me at six, and like a million other artists for whom i don't know enough of their discography to list them here.

the main genres i listen to are metalcore, rock adjacent anything, metal, idk how to describe genres. i really love most music but rock adjacent is my main one. i love music very much i am incredibly autistic about it.

if you use it, feel free to follow me on last fm here!!

hobbies/other interests: trying to get hobbies that aren't being a student, playing piano, zines/lyric videos (working on these), zentangles!!, dogs, trying to be politically aware, applying to jobs i guess, general crafting things, hanging out with my friends whom i love dearly, board games, listening to music (but you probably got that already), psychology, autism (i am autistic dw), the sims, minecraft, OH i forgot spreadsheets i LOVEEEE spreadsheets. also will occasionally go on rants about books or movies, most currently, whiplash and bojack horseman but im sensing a hunger games fixation reemerging.

i am trying to get back into reading. planning on reading some webtoons and the new hunger games book soon so maybe we'll see stuff about that too.

my hot takes: radiohead is good, wet socks aren't that bad if you have ventilation (crocs for example), and days should have 26.5 hours.

feel free to ask me questions or lmk if there's other things i should add to this post. idk how to use tumblr

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changeling-of-the-fae · 4 months

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T-1 Pre-Op or T'was The Night Before Surgery...

I am actually (surprisingly) more calm than I expected. And more tired, which is good.

It's weird, but you won't know when to arrive for surgery until the day before (something to do with scheduling). It feels like a covert operation.

I got my Highly Suspicious Phone Call around two, and I have to be at the hospital by 9:30 tomorrow morning.

For the sake of my sanity (and not because the house couldn't benefit from my anxious energy) I visited my grandparents, a few friends, and then ended up driving out of town to visit my aunt for the weekend.

I listened to a great podcast (The ACL Athlete), that I wish I'd found months ago. He talks about the ins and outs of PT and rehab, and knowing when you need to switch PTs, along with good things to discuss with your surgeon and success stories.

I fully credit this podcast for getting me from A to B to C in the last week. It talked me down a lot while I was driving, and helped me get my head back in place for the PT I'm about to start over with - if you don't know, PT is exhausting. It's very much an endurance activity rather than a sprint.

(See aforementioned adhd and intense dislike for boring repetitive exercise.)

I didn't think about the surgery at all once I got to my aunt's (10/10). We watched netflix, shopped, and I helped her with her Christmas decorating. I also repaired many animatronic singing Christmas toys, which I'm pleased to say will drive my uncle nuts the holiday season.

I felt like a workshop elf and it was lovely.

Today we drove back in a blizzard, which was less so.

After watching cars weave in and out of rush hour traffic at high speed, and then skidding down the shoulder towards a car that had already spun out, I can confidently say I was NOT thinking about surgery. And I'm also drained - I'm glad my aunt offered to drive. It was stressful to watch and I'm out of practice in snowy weather.

I don't recommend it, BUT I'm pretty sure it's the only reason I'll be sleeping tonight.

I took my very thorough, very scrubby antiseptic shower (part 1 of 2 - you do it the night before and the day of.) I was probably more generous than I needed to be, but since hibiclens doesn't lather, I elected to rinse and repeat to make sure I got everything.

I have tylenol and stool softener and a bed rail to help me get in and out of bed. My brother loaned my his PS4 and I've borrowed Horizon: Forbidden West from the local library, so hopefully that'll be enough to keep me occupied until I start PT again.

There's...really not much else left to do. Maybe it's the benefit of being 10 months post injury, and having had the time to try PT until I was thoroughly convinced that I do need this surgery, but my freakout level is relatively low. I'm nervous but I'm ready.

(I hope - don't quote me on that tomorrow.)

#knee surgery #mpfl tear #knee injury #mpfl recovery #patellar dislocation #recovery blog

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multiple-authors · 5 months

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(17 November 2023)

Today has been nice so far. Got out of bed after lying in bed longer than I should have, knowing that the longer I stayed in bed the harder it would be to get out and the easier it would be to fall into bad thoughts. Today I wanted to save myself from that. I went to the gym, dropped my bike off for a service and have since had breakfast and a bath. Sitting down to do some making today. I want to remind myself first of the thoughts I've had this week. I met with Consuelo after work last night for a cup of tea. Served by the sexy waiter is most definitely not gay. Realising that I need to feel sexy in myself, confident on more layers than one to have a real libido. Thinking I'm asexual has been common. Leaning into fiction because it gives me the space to test and act things out with the safety of it not being real in the same way as the non fiction of my own life.

Manifesto for my life in practice: 1. "I have nothing to say, only to show" – Benjamin. Applied, actionable thinking over abstract, generalised theory... Specifically look at material culture, the material building blocks of life/reality making. Lots of small paintings together to create a scene. Not necessarily all cohesive in terms of jigsaw physics. Action over thinking, and if thinking, make sure I am doing it as action, with intention, not floating around.

2. "Deep down I am just scared, and that's ok". Let go of too much control, fear won't leave, learn to accept it. Cut the shite and remove all the distractions or worries or uncertainties. Just do the work and work to completion, without experimentation, perfectionism, opinion of others as the focus, just work and it will happen.

3. Be nice to myself. Treat yourself like a child. Check in with myself to see how I am feeling. Ask myself if I am ok. And listen for the answer. Feed myself with lots of nice food, this is a priority everyday. Sleep eight hours. I have realised I do actually need eight hours in bed for sleeping. Treat myself to small luxuries, like flowers, warm face flannels, nice smells.

4. Stop reading painting as an attempt at solving the world, and depicting the whole world, at being right. It is asking too much. Forgive myself for not being the perfect painter, for not making the perfect paintings. Think about ZS's Fascinated to Presume. Think about the performative, socially constructed or assigned. Be the unreliable narrator of my own life, because being wholly objective here is impossible, trust myself. Maybe the point is to be confused, inaccurate, show my fateful plight.

Soaking wet: Finish some smaller pieces about soaking wet as a general concept: everything is soaking wet. what is happening? everyday, casual happenings, things about to happen. Problem has arisen with image generation, not necessarily generation but bolting it down, I have been too indecisive and I get paralysed by the possibility. To solve this, think of a painting not as a depiction of the absolute, or something fully refined, just an episode. Painting as a poem, an essay, a sentence. Are we going to work via image or via writing.

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kaepop-trash · 3 years

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Unintended Consequences

Cover by: @hyeincovers

Rated: Smut, Slow burn (very slow), Strangers to lovers

Pairing: JohnnyxReader

Summary: When you took a week off of work for one of your best friend’s wedding— a week off that was incredibly tough to even acquire from your demanding job— there were things you were expecting: lots of drinking, seeing your friends after a long time, the warm beaches of the island your friend decided to tie the knot on. What you did not expect boiled down to exactly two things: an absolutely embarrassing encounter in the depths of intoxication, and the person who was at the cause of said encounter. Neither were you prepared for the unintended consequences that came from your public mortification.

Word Count: 40K (Genuine oops for this.)

(A/N): The elevator thing actually happened to me a year ago at a wedding. I absolutely had to say that and add that everything after that is pure fiction. No Johnny’s walking around casually at any wedding I’ve been to. I also deeply miss beaches. There’s also a playlist I can’t link on this because tumblr is difficult.

Miscellaneous Masterlist

Day 1

“I’m very happy for you.” (Y/N) said as she took another sip of her drink, holding the glass close to her chest as a last line of defense, “I just don’t understand why you’d have a week long wedding.” She shrugged a little, wincing when she saw her friend’s face fall. “I mean don’t get me wrong. I think this place is something else, I can hear the waves everywhere. But I had to coax and threaten my boss for the days off. She’s also in general just not happy about the concept of weddings, so you can imagine the mental gymnastics I had to pull.” She took another sip of her drink, frowning down at the now empty glass when she realised that the bottom of the glass was mostly the remains of the melting ice cube.

“That’s because your boss is a frigid bitch, (Y/N).” Sooyoung rolled her eyes, making (Y/N) giggle. “I’m one of your best friends? Plus!” She pointed a finger dramatically, clearly a little drunk, “We both know your boss isn’t going to fire your workaholic, competent ass. She’s practically grooming you to be her. So just be happy for me okay?” She pouted at her.

“I am happy for you.” (Y/N) smiled for emphasis but Sooyoung just rolled her eyes.

“And enjoy you time? Go get a tan on the beach or something, swim a little. This is your first vacation in what? Three years? Consider it my gift to you.” She waved her hand like a fairy godmother.

“Two years.” She stuck her tongue out and Sooyoung stuck hers right back. “I am saving up for a new apartment, you know that.”

Sooyoung gave her a wide tight-lipped smile, “Hence the gift part. You work too hard and you were going to die of a Vitamin D deficiency if I didn’t save you and whisk you away.” Sooyoung picked up two glasses from a server passing by and handed her one glass. (Y/N) scrunched her nose, usually particular about her drinks, but it was Sooyoung’s wedding week. So she drank it anyway.

“You could have spared me the work day by letting me booking an evening flight at the very least, you know. Your Groom isn’t even here yet! Taking a week off is too much to ask from my boss.” She continued defending herself, more out of jest now.

“He’s coming later tonight. It was a flight problem. Plus he insisted he come with all his groomsmen.” She rolled her eyes like it was a dumb idea.

“So exactly like you did?” (Y/N) raised a brow and Sooyoung smiled slyly. “So Doyoung and you are made for each other.” She scoffed but her friend expertly ignored the sarcasm.

“We are, aren’t we?” She made a small noise of excitement. (Y/N) made a face that made Sooyoung laugh.

(Y/N) groaned, “I’m going to go look for Joohyun, you’re being too in love. It’s disgusting.” She stuck her tongue out again and Sooyoung mirrored it.

On her quest to look for Joohyun, she managed to pick up a drink for herself. Looking around the crowd to find her easily lost friend.

“Oh (Y/N), just the person I was looking for.” She turned as Jungwoo grabbed her arm. The other hand holding two glasses, the logistics of the balance momentarily caught her off guard. He pushed the glass into her hand, “Come on, let’s drink.” He gave her a wide grin.

She sighed as she looked at the small glass, “You could have at least had the dignity of getting a slice of lemon.” She frowned but he bought the glass up to his own lips, ignoring her. Unwillingly, she did the same, the liquid burning all way down to her stomach. She needed to eat some food.

“This is why I love you.” He spoke after he finished grimacing, “Let’s go get more shots.” His grin never left. (Y/N) laughed at his child-like excitement over the presence of the open bar.

“Sooyoung will be livid if the hotel staff has to peel us off the floor. Plus I’m looking for Joohyun.” She shifted on her feet as the heat of the alcohol spread in her belly, she hated shots.

“That’s an excellent idea. Let’s go find Joohyun and we can all do shots!” He laughed at his own idea like it was the best idea he had. She rubbed her forehead, frustrated with the conversation coming back to the same outcome.

“Can we at least get one of those canapes?” She bargained, pointing to a waiter passing by.

“Later.” Jungwoo slipped his arm into hers and waved his hands, “Joohyun!” He said, making her frown. How did he find her so easily when she’d been looking for so long?

She wasn’t sure what the time was when she got on the elevator. She kept her eyes on the floor, trying to stop her head spinning. In the distance the music still thumped, the bass of it vibrating in the cramped space.

“Why did we leave so soon?” Jungwoo pouted at her.

“Because you puked in a cactus hedge and the hotel staff told you off for ruining the rock bed.” She glared at the floor, hoping her tone filled in her displeasure.

“This elevator is going down?” Wendy murmured. (Y/N) looked up to find her squinting at the buttons— the one to their floor was definitely pressed. But like Wendy said, the elevator was on it’s way down.

“You guys.” Yeri whispered, “I once watched a movie where this happened.” She said with a voice too full of dread.

“Where what happened?” Jungwoo asked nervously.

“The elevator went to the basement. And this witch stood there, her hair floating around her face.” She pulled her hair across her face for emphasis.

(Y/N) snorted, pushing her own suddenly uneasy nerves down. (Y/N) blamed the alcohol and the tone of Yeri’s voice for the dread she felt. She tried to shake it off, “Are you talking about Inception?” She scoffed louder.

“Am I?” She looked at the floor, trying to recall.

The elevator dinged open in the basement and despite herself, (Y/N) looked out while her friends debated whether Inception deserved an Oscar. A figure emerged from the shadows in all black. Before she could help it, (Y/N) screamed and covered her face. Everybody in the elevator jumped in horror as the man walked into the elevator with wide eyes. She sank to the floor quickly, keeping her face covered with her hands. Her friends all burst out laughing and the sound that came from her lips were a mix of laughter and mortification. Her face felt so hot from embarrassment that it felt sticky.

“What happened?” A voice she didn’t know asked with concern. She stayed in place, crouched with her face covered. She did not need to see his face and she was glad he would not see hers.

“My friend thought you were a hairy witch.” Seulgi spoke, everybody burst into laughter again. If the ground opened up in the moment, she would jump in before it had a chance to swallow her.

“I like to believe I’m well groomed.” The other voice spoke again, laced with amusement. Earning himself another round of laughter, joining in himself.

(Y/N) stayed planted on the floor firmly with her identity masked till the elevator dinged.

“He’s gone now.” Yeri announced with a chuckle and finally she stood up, still mortified.

“That was the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Jungwoo said with a clap.

“I just want to go to bed.” She murmured.

Day 2

(Y/N) wasn’t sure when she actually fell asleep. After spending more than an hour in the shower to wash away her mortification and intoxication and tossing and turning in bed to fight reliving the incident in her head repeatedly she reminded herself that it was just a stranger— someone she would never see again and who had never seen her face. With that reassurance she finally managed to get a few odd hours of sleep.

At the moment she sat at a table in the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Her face felt so swollen from the alcohol and lack of sufficient sleep that her eyes pressed into her forehead— or maybe that was the hangover that was currently raging inside her skull, she couldn’t decide. Jungwoo scrapped his fork against his plate and she groaned, putting her head in her hands.

“Please. Have mercy.” She begged him and he apologised with a surprising amount of earnestness.

“Aren’t you going to eat something?” Joohyun pointed her knife at her.

“At some point. Since you so rudely woke me up.” She frowned at Joohyun, her current roommate.

“Nobody asked you to drink your weight in alcohol last night. You need to eat or you would miss the yacht party in the afternoon.” Joohyun reminded, unhelpfully.

“Fuck that’s today.” She groaned, this time Wendy and Jungwoo joined her. She sighed to herself, looking back and forth till her eyes focused on the table with the juice canisters displayed on it. She focused on the large glass containers, frosted with the promise of ice cold juice and got out of her chair with a mission.

After roughly seven glasses, she felt partially human again. Giving into the rising growl in her stomach, she got up to find some food.

With a plate of eggs and sausages in her hand, she stood in front of the coffee machine, looking at the contraption with distrust. She missed her french press already but sighed and pushed the needed buttons.

“Four shots of espresso in one cup?” A voice spoke from behind her. She squinted, pretty sure she had heard it somewhere. But the person that came to stand beside her wasn’t anybody she had met.

“I like the elevated heartbeat it gives me. Like an adrenaline sport but without the immediate threat to my life.” She replied wryly, earning a chuckle.

“That’s quite ambitious.” He tapped his chin, making her look up at him.

“My mom says the same thing. I just like to consider myself a run-of-the-mill addict.” She shrugged, really not in the mood to make conversation while half her body was still shut from dehydration. It didn’t help that this man was attractive and this morning she looked like the claim she made of being an addict might hold some water. She frowned, the man seemed to straighten up.

He snorted and she noted his sudden discomfort with amusement, “No judgement from a fellow addict himself.” He shrugged and she smiled at the coffee machine. The machine squirted out it’s second espresso and she tapped her foot on the floor.

“Sorry for keeping you.” She said sheepishly.

“No rush, we’re all here for breakfast anyway.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. In a better state she’d give his muscles a better look over. Instead she kept tapping her foot on the floor.

“You seem to be in a rush though.” He looked down to her feet. She stopped her tapping, not knowing how to explain that her nature was impatience.

Eventually the last espresso successfully reached her cup and she picked it up, considering the idea of using the kettle of hot water beside the machine more convenient than the rising anxiety she felt for holding someone up. He looked like he wanted to be out of here, and she wanted to currently cease existing because of her headache.

“Sorry for the wait.” She said quickly as she poured herself the water to fill the cup the rest of the way.

“And you drink it black.” He sounded pleased and she gave him a distracted nod and a concluding smile, walking away before he finished his thought.

If it wasn’t nine am, she’d have better manners.

(Y/N) realised, rather unwillingly, that Joohyun was right. After the breakfast and a shower, she felt more prepared for the afternoon’s festivities.

At the moment she stood in front of the mirror, putting on her mascara. As someone who constantly survived on questionable hours of sleep, the bar wasn’t set too high; nonetheless, she was impressed by her efforts to look presentable.

“I can’t believe our Sooyoung is getting married.” Joohyun spoke with a small gasp of surprise.

“Me neither. You’re all starting to leave me behind one by one.” (Y/N) joked, pleased when it worked to get Joohyun out of her reflective melancholy.

“You’ll get married one day too. And that day i’ll actually not believe it.” She chuckled to herself while folding a dress.

(Y/N) chuckled cynically, “There’s a long time till that day I can promise you that. I have to watch you go through your married life and at least a pregnancy first. Just to know that I am aware of what I will get into.” Joohyun blushed, throwing a towel on the bed at her back.

(Y/N) stood toward the back of the yacht, the stern, an over chatty guest had helpfully informed her a while back. She closed her eyes to feel the salty breeze on her face, enjoying the quick moment of quiet. Her phone was somewhere deep in her purse and her purse was somewhere deep below deck. There was no cellphone reception this far out and she settled her agitation by reminding herself that she was in fact on vacation. So she relaxed and breathe in the smell of the ocean around her.

After her moment of peace, she decided to go back towards the party— mostly to get herself a glass of champagne and the fried chicken that Yeri promised her was the best part of the afternoon.

“(Y/N)!” Sooyoung gestured to come towards her eagerly just as (Y/N) encountered a tray filled with champagne flutes. She raised her glass to Sooyoung with a chuckle and walked towards her.

“I was looking for you!” Sooyoung said with a wide, happy smile. “You are yet to meet Doyoung’s friends, come on.” She put her arms through (Y/N)’s and pulled her towards a group of men chatting with each other. Sooyoung let her arm go only to put her elbow on Doyoung’s shoulder, who affectionately put his arm on her waist.

“You’ve met my Doie, of course.” She grinned. The first time (Y/N) met Doyoung, he was embarrassed of Sooyoung using that nickname in front of others. Today he just smiled through his growing blush.

“How have you been, (Y/N)?” He asked her, “How’s work?” He tried to make conversation.

“Don’t ask her about work please.” Sooyoung swatted him making the others laugh, “She’s going to go off looking for that dreaded phone of hers again.” She chastised him and he apologised.

“Don’t scold your future husband. He’s just trying to be polite. He would ask me about my hobbies if we had more chances to talk about that.” She scolded Sooyoung back but she just gave her an unconvinced shrug. Doyoung gave her a grateful smile though.

“These are my friends, (Y/N).” Doyoung turned to the other people. “You’ve met some of them.” He said, while he introduced her to them. (Y/N) smiled at them, her eyes stopping on the man she recognised from the coffee machine.

“I’m Johnny.” He extended his hand to her, giving her a teasing smile. “If you didn’t walk away quite so fast in the morning I would have told you that.” His smile grew wider. She returned his smile, noting the Patek Philippe watch around his wrist.

“You’ve met?” Both Doyoung and Sooyoung asked at the same time.

“In the morning, while we both waited for our caffeine fix.” Johnny informed, making Sooyoung smile wide enough to make (Y/N) suspicious.

“You both live in New York, you know.” Sooyoung said eagerly. (Y/N) nodded at her, unsure of where she was going with this.

Johnny seemed to consider the information, smiling with intent. “Sooyoung, it seems you’ve been hiding your friend from me.” Johnny jabbed lightly and she laughed in response.

“Me? I haven’t seen (Y/N) for a year before the wedding. How do you get to meet her?” Sooyoung teased him back and Johnny laughed.

“It’s not my fault you moved to San Francisco.” (Y/N) reminded Sooyoung. She just waved the accusation away, making (Y/N) smile.

“(Y/N)!” Jungwoo’s voice almost filled her with relief. She had started to feel a little out of place among people she didn’t know that well. She turned to where he spoke from, giving him a pleading gaze in hope that he would take her away. “Have you tried the fried chicken yet?” He spoke as he approached, stopping halfway to look at somebody else.

“You!” Jungwoo said, suddenly laughing. “Oh my god, you’re Doyoung’s friend?” He clapped his hands together in delight. She looked back at Johnny, confused by Jungwoo’s acknowledgement.

“How’s your friend?” Johnny spoke, a smirk settling on his face, “I hope I didn’t give her too much of a fright.” Jungwoo opened his mouth, before turning to (Y/N).

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” He giggled, straightening up when she glared at him.

(Y/N) turned to face Johnny so slowly, almost too aware of how suddenly everybody around her had their eyes on her. She knew his voice sounded familiar in the morning. He was also too monstrously tall for there to be more than one. She bit her lips like it would somehow stop the blood from pooling into her cheeks.

“Oh?” Johnny raised a brow, an intrigued smile on his face.

“Who else did you think was small enough to crouch down so efficiently into a ball on command.” Jungwoo clapped her back with acknowledgement, unaware of how she was resisting the urge to push him into the sea. Johnny looked her up and down, as if realising that she was in fact too short. To her horror, his smile only grew wider. It didn’t help that he was the tallest one around.

“What’s going on?” One of the men, Ten she remembered, asked out loud.

“I was wondering the same thing.” Sooyoung mumbled.

“Let’s go try that fried chicken yeah?.” (Y/N) pulled Jungwoo away quickly, pinching his arm when he tried to protest.

“Why would you do that?” (Y/N) hissed when they both reached a respectable distance. She shoved him towards the railing to satisfy part of her urge to shove him off-board. Jungwoo looked at her with his best innocent face. “He didn’t see me, you know? I could have gone this entire week without this humiliation.” She whined.

“Don’t be dramatic.” Jungwoo rolled his eyes, swallowing a choked cough when she glared daggers at him, “I mean, does it matter?” He laughed nervously. “Just some light fun that you’ll laugh about in a few years I’m sure.” He chuckled by himself, “(Y/N) please.” He blew air from between his lips dismissively to emphasize his point.

“Maybe we should tell people about your incident in the cactus bush.” She narrowed her gaze at him, taking the smile from his face.

Jungwoo laughed nervously and looked around before jumping up and pointing to the crowd, “He’s coming here, (Y/N)! Elevator guy.” Jungwoo whispered. She straightened up and grabbed Jungwoo again, walking away into the crowd. When she turned back, her eyes met Johnny’s for a brief moment. She turned away, not lingering on his smile.

Jungwoo pulled his arm out from her hold once they were two decks below, “You can’t exactly escape him on a boat. Vastly limited escape routes.” He said it like she somehow didn’t understand that.

“I can at least try. You put me in this situation,” She pointed an accusatory finger. “So humour me, Kim Jungwoo.” She groaned.

Jungwoo pouted at her, “We didn’t even get to have the chicken.” He whined earning an incredulous glare.

“We’ll get it on the way out.” She sighed in defeat.

“Or we can just get it when they cut the cake.” Jungwoo shrugged with excitement. When she frowned Jungwoo laughed, “Excuse you, Sooyoung is up to her forehead with wedding nerves. She will skin us both alive if we aren’t in the pictures. You’re usually the one I’d be more scared of, but bridezilla wins any fight.” Jungwoo scoffed. (Y/N) was at a loss, of course she couldn’t miss that. Sooyoung would be devastated. She slumped her shoulders in defeat, giving him a nod.

(Y/N) was too aware of the eyes from across the crowd that were singled in on her, but Johnny didn’t move from his spot. She stood across the cake, taking a small amount of pleasure in a victory that was short-lived. In a week long wedding, she would inevitably have to see the man countless times, especially considering he was one of the groomsmen. At the moment though, she kept her eyes on Sooyoung who looked content as she and Doyoung cut a small cake that Wendy assured her was only that size to not outshine her actual wedding cake. She thought of what Joohyun said earlier in the day as she turned to find her trying her best to hold back her tears. Sooyoung really was getting married and (Y/N) was happy for her.

As the sun set beyond the horizon, the festivities of the day seemed to slow down. The music dropped to a slower tempo above her as (Y/N) tried to dig through the coats and bags below deck to find hers. Why someone would bring a coat to a tropical retreat was beyond her. She sighed with relief when she finally spotted her bag, pulling it out eagerly. Now that they were steering back towards the coast, the reception was bound to return.

“Oh, I didn’t realise someone was–” She jumped, caught off guard. She turned to find Johnny watching her, the same amused smirk on his face— maybe that was just what his face looked like.

“Are you usually this jumpy?” He asked, tilting his head to the side, studying her.

“I was just looking for my bag.” She held up the object, like it was evidence.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I just needed to make a call. I was hoping the reception would be back already.” He laughed effortlessly, running his fingers through his hair— ruining the hold of whatever product there was in it. Infuriatingly, it still looked really good.

(Y/N) blinked, realising that she was staring at him. He smirked at her again, looking her over again. Her mouth felt a little dry at the scrutiny, and she resisted the urge to lick her lips. Instead he licked his, preparing to say something. Her phone rang loudly in her bag as he opened his mouth. She yelped and he let out a laugh at her response.

“I guess the reception is back.” She laughed awkwardly, looking away to rummage through her bag and holding up her phone to her ear. “Hello?” She spoke into the object, turning away from him with a surge of relief.

As the yacht finally docked at shore, (Y/N) was sure there was some altar she needed to leave some offerings at out of gratitude for the sheer luck she had today: avoiding Johnny all day. On the other hand, one of her clients had urgently gotten in touch and given her work that she was sure would occupy the rest of her evening. Her assistant called as she walked down the deck towards the resort, a hand on her shoulder stopping her.

“We’re going for a drink at the hotel bar with Doyoung’s friends, join us.” Sooyoung said, her smiling fading when (Y/N) gave her a sheepish one in return.

“I promised my boss I’d be available remotely. A client needs something urgently, if I don’t do it now I won’t be free tomorrow.” (Y/N) said apologetically. Sooyoung sighed but put on a smile. “It’s fine, it’s just a drink anyway.” She tried to mask her disappointment, “Go before I change my mind!” She pushed her playfully.

With years of experience and immense help from her assistant, (Y/N) managed to finish her work just short of midnight. Realising that she wasn’t tired enough to sleep, she called the reception; they helpfully informed her that the pool and gym were open 24/7 on account of the wedding party.

After a round on the treadmill, (Y/N) was in the pool. She sighed as she floated around, relishing it. She loved swimming, and with a sigh she realised that she had been here for two days now and it was her first time visiting the pool. She lifted from the surface, the sound of the crashing waves returning the moment the water dripped out of her ears. She looked out towards the ocean— the moon and lighting across the property making it visible. A sigh that was meant to be wistful came out melancholic as she turned away, taking a dip under the surface of the water.

The second time she emerged, her eyes fell towards the glass wall that made the gym overlook the pool. Behind the glass, Johnny sat on a stationary bike.

Her breath caught in her throat.

It was fairly obvious that he was watching her; not bothering to look away when their eyes met. She felt her cheeks heat under his gaze, realising that it wasn’t from embarrassment this time but the look in his eyes. Heat pooled in her stomach despite the cold water she was surrounded by and he still made no effort to look away. She stood frozen, her feet far from the ground this close to the deep end but she tried her best to keep her face up. She realised that her heart was beating very fast.

Johnny was an attractive man no doubt, but as his eyes bored into her and he licked his lips, she was suddenly too aware of how attractive he was. His lips parted into a smile, the same one he seemed to always have for her— like they both shared a secret. (Y/N)’s toes felt cold, like all her blood was rushing away from the extremes of her body.

All too quickly, his lips turned down.

He frowned and lifted away from the bike handles, sitting up straight and tapping on his ear. When he looked away and looked like he spoke, she realised he answered a phone call. She was about to turn away when he gave her one last glance, a passing expression of apology and impatience in them. Then he got up and left the gym.

(Y/N) let out a breath she had held on for a moment too long. What was wrong with her? She shook her head and got out of the pool, reprimanding herself all the way to her room. When she got on the elevator, a pained laugh left her lips.

“You’re stupid and the fact that your friend is getting married is getting to you, (Y/N).” She mumbled to herself as she dried her hair with a towel.

Day 3

It was a vile six in the morning when (Y/N) waited in the lobby with her friends for the rest of the party to show up so they could go visit the town nearby and buy trinkets at the market. Jungwoo walked in after a few minutes with a croissant sandwich in his hands making Yeri frown at him.

“What? I wasn’t going to skip breakfast.” He spoke with his mouth stuffed.

“How are you eating that so early in the morning.” Yeri wrinkled her nose and he stuffed the sandwich under her nose in response, making her shriek and swat him away.

“You’re too loud.” Joohyun scolded them with both her index fingers inside her ears.

Sooyoung and Doyoung walked in amidst the chaos, with Sooyoung laughing at Yeri’s annoyed expression.

“You aren’t allowed to look this perfect at this ungodly hour.” Yeri groaned, making Sooyoung flick her hair in response.

“It’s the honeymoon glow.” Seulgi nodded, while eating a croissant sandwich Jungwoo carried along for her on her request.

“They aren’t married yet.” (Y/N) looked at Seulgi like she was being ridiculous.

“Look around you. This is a honeymoon.” Jungwoo scoffed and they had to all agree with a thoughtful hum.

Sooyoung turned to Doyoung, “Yes, they’re always like this. Welcome to the family.” She patted his back sympathetically.

Doyoung scoffed, “They aren’t as insane as the boys, don’t worry.” He laughed, “I think you guys are charming.” He smiled affectionately.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was sarcastic.” Jungwoo whispered to Yeri who sighed in response.

“Everybody can hear you. Shut up.” She said back in the same volume, making Doyoung laugh.

Doyoung’s friends walked in a moment later, laughing amongst themselves about something.

“Why are all of Doyoung’s friends so good looking?” Wendy leaned over to whisper to (Y/N)— an actual whisper compared to Jungwoo. She turned to Wendy, raising an eyebrow at her and making her blush. “What? I know you’ve thought about it too. Don’t judge me.” She sputtered, making (Y/N) smile at her.

“Good for you, you’ve got an entire week to explore that thought.” (Y/N) winked at her with encouragement, “Plus I’m sure Sooyoung will be more than glad to set you up.” She suppressed a laugh as her words seemed to make Wendy look away with a shy shake of her head.

“Where’s Johnny?” Doyoung’s voice caught her attention, making her turn to the group of men, noticing the missing one.

“Something about an important buy-out.” Mark spoke up, “I’ll be honest I wasn’t paying a lot of attention, but he was up all night and he’s still working on it.” Mark shrugged.

(Y/N) looked away, feeling dumb for the disappointment that gently nudged at her chest. She was avoiding him, because she was embarrassed to be around him. She shouldn’t be that fickle, especially over a single moment from across a pool and a glass wall.

By the time the sun was above their head, most of them were loaded with shopping bags. Ten and Yuta offered to carry their bags if it got too heavy and (Y/N) was sure they regretted the offer with just Yeri’s freight. Doyoung insisted on carrying Sooyoung’s bags, but she was kind enough to share the burden.

At the moment, the rest of them looked for a restaurant to eat at while Mark and (Y/N) went in search of a brass bowl.

“Hey (Y/N), I think I found it!” Mark announced as he pointed at a small shop where sure enough, she could see the bowls she had been in search of. While they looked around the shop, Mark’s phone rang.

“Hey dude!” He stretched the last word with a giggle. Whatever came in response seemed to surprise him because he made a very audible sound implying the same, before stepping outside and squinting at the name of the shop. He seemed to focus on it for a long time before probably realising that it wasn’t in a language he understood. (Y/N) tried to bite back a smile as he walked back into the shop with a defeated sigh.

“Hey (Y/N).” He sounded unsure as he spoke, “Do you know where we are?” He scratched his head. When she nodded his eyes lit up, going wide. “Wait (Y/N) knows!” He smiled at her, giving her a thumbs up that she felt compelled to return. She gave him the name of the market and he tried his best to reiterate the name to whoever was on the phone.

Mark paused mid-sentence, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “Yeah just call Doyoung, the restaurant will probably be easier to find.” He let out an awkward laugh, “Sorry dude.” He chuckled awkwardly. This time she snorted, finding Mark’s disposition hilariously animated. When Mark hung up the phone, he didn’t seem annoyed by her laugh. In fact he seemed amused himself.

“Thanks dude.” Mark said before stuttering and correcting himself, “I mean, (Y/N).” He put his palm to his face,groaning. “Thanks (Y/N).” He winced at himself.

(Y/N) shook her head at him, eyes glittering with humour, “You can call me dude.” She chuckled. “I don’t mind.”

They left the shop with two bowls wrapped in newspaper. Mark asked twice if she needed help carrying her things but she insisted they weren’t heavy.

“Mark!” A voice came from behind them, making them both turn.

Johnny waved at Mark, walking towards them with quick strides that looked effortless with his long legs. He wore black cargo pants with a sleeveless white t-shirt that made his biceps very visible as he walked closer. A pair of sunglasses sat perched on his nose which made it hard to tell if he noticed her. Yet when his lips bloomed into his signature smile, the sunglasses made no difference. That was the smile he gave her, it was her smile.

The thought made unsolicited butterflies rise up her stomach and move around her chest.

“Hi.” He greeted her casually, making his lopsided grin look effortless. She gave him a wave, mentally slapping herself for not having something better to say.

“I can’t believe you actually came dude!” Mark gave him a fist bump, “I thought you’d crash after staying up all night.”

Johnny just shrugged at his words. “I can sleep later.” He took off his sunglasses, slipping it into his collar. “So, what are we doing?” He smiled at both of them.

“Well, (Y/N) and I bought these brass bowls she was talking about on the ride here. They’re really nice.” Mark lifted the one in his hand. Johnny let his mouth hang, looking at Mark mockingly, “Did you want one?” Mark laughed.

“I can’t believe you forgot about me, Dude. I thought we were friends.” Johnny huffed and Mark nudged his shoulder.

“The shop is right there. Come on we can get you one.” Mark giggled at the end of the sentence, laughing at Johnny’s ridiculous indignation. On her part, she watched the exchange, thoroughly amused. The Johnny that stood in front of her right now was so different from the one she had, however briefly, encountered so far.

“You have to buy it for me.” Johnny crossed his arms in front of him and huffed.

Mark nodded with another giggle, pushing him towards the shop. “You’re embarrassing yourself in front of (Y/N), you big dork!”

Johnny didn’t deter, turning to her with his grin, “We’re fine with a little embarrassment between us aren’t we, (Y/N)?” He winked, laughing when she gave him a flustered nod.

That was the first time her name rolled off his tongue and for a moment that was all she could think about.

Johnny entered a few more shops, each time playfully asking Mark if he would buy him what he wanted this time. Each time he ended up paying for it himself. What an odd guy, she thought. She realised that maybe, Johnny just liked to tease people. He sure did enjoy flustering her quite a bit.

(Y/N) toyed with the carving of a frog. The green of the lacquer used on the bronze sculpture was so beautiful that she enjoyed looking at it for a moment.

“Do you like it?” Johnny’s voice softly brushed against her ear. She hummed in response, failing to notice the way his eyes lit up, “Well, you aren’t jumping in my presence anymore. I consider that progress.”

She chuckled at the words, looking up at him and shrugging. “I guess you aren’t a hairy witch after all.” Amusement glinted in his eyes, mirroring the glint in hers.

“I told you. I’m a decently groomed man.” He huffed. At his words, her eyes glanced over to his arms, looking over the contours and noting the slightest glint of perspiration from the humidity. Before she could give it a thought, she swallowed; her eyes travelling up to his clavicle till it came back to his face. In response, Johnny licked his lips and for a moment she was sure she felt it in the pit of her stomach. Her lips parted, taking in a breath that betrayed her by shaking. The space between them was suddenly too close and not close enough. The fact that they were inside a shop that overlooked the street was tucked in the corner of her mind for a second.

“(Y/N).” His voice was a respectable inch short of an outright growl. He took the smallest step closer and his shadow completely covered her, he looked down at her with a gleam in his eyes that looked so irresistibly cautious— making her want to know what exactly he was holding back.

“Johnny?” She was almost impressed by how level her voice sounded. How she managed to sound so confident under the gaze he was giving her was not something she could ponder over in the moment without losing that small thread of confidence entirely.

This time he took in an inhale, a shallow and choked one much to her satisfaction. At least they stood on equal ground now, the idea only made her yearn to have the upper hand. She stood in place like her feet were embedded into the slate floor, willing him silently to take just a few more steps.

“Guys we’re late!” Mark shrieked.

She saw the smallest flash of annoyance in Johnny’s eyes before he took a deep breath, combing his fingers through his hair.

“Did you get anything?” Johnny turned to Mark, no hint of what she witnessed moments before in his voice. She swallowed, realising that it only made her find him more attractive.

Mark nodded to Johnny in response to his question, holding up the bag in his hand as proof.

“Alright, head out then. I’ll just pay for the things I want and catch up.” He gave them both a smile.

Johnny caught up with them soon enough, coming to stand beside (Y/N) so she stood between him and Mark. He smiled as he looked up at the sky, their collective shopping bags rustling as they walked towards the restaurant they were meant to be at a while back.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Johnny sighed as he looked up at the sky. She followed his gaze.

He was right, it was a beautiful day. The sky was a saturated blue, with thick white clouds that moved against it leisurely. The sun was warm on her face but the cool marine breeze soothed it’s tinge. It was a perfect day. One she tried to focus on even as Johnny’s eyes fell on her face and she tried to act like she didn’t notice.

“So what do you do, Mark?” She turned away from the sky and Johnny’s gaze.

“I work in publishing.”

“Oh so you live in New York too?” The thought made her smile.

Mark turned to her, eyes lost, before something clicked into place. “Oh that’s right! You live in New York!” Mark laughed and Johnny laughed behind her, at what she assumed was Mark’s excitement. “We should totally meet sometime.” He paused to take a quick breath, “And I’m not just saying that, okay? It’s hard to make friends in such a big city. I mean, I’m from Canada!” He added like it was an adequate explanation.

“Yeah, if they don’t smile and someone once a day, they get kidnapped in the night by a moose.” Johnny leaned in close to inform her, making her snort at the image.

“And you can’t tell me you’re busy like him.” Mark pointed an accusatory finger at Johnny, making him put a hand on his chest in mock affront. “He tells me he has so much work that he doesn’t have time to eat, and then we end up drinking at his apartment.” Another thought made his eyes widen further than she even thought possible. Mark clapped his hands together, “You should join us. We’re fun, aren’t we Johnny?” He asked Johnny eagerly.

“Come now, (Y/N) doesn’t need to witness the intoxicated recitations of your poetry.” Johnny said, his words making Mark’s face go red.

Before she could answer Johnny tugged at the bags in her hands, “Do you want me to carry those?” He asked casually.

“No, I’m fine.” She responded politely.

“They seem heavy.” He looked down, “Plus they keep hitting your knee.” He squinted at the realisation, no doubt finding it odd.

(Y/N) laughed, “That’s because I’m short, not much space between the arms and knees.” She lifted the bags for emphasis. Whatever thought passed Johnny’s mind, he kept it to himself, swallowing his smirk and nodding.

“I’m just saying, it’s not that big a deal to let me carry it.” He shrugged.

“You have your own bags. Otherwise I just might have taken up on your offer.” She chuckled, readjusting her grip on the bags. He looked down at the motion. “Plus,” She added before he insisted again, “We’re already here.” She looked ahead, making him follow her eyes. He smiled when he saw Doyoung waving at them from an open terrace above.

“Where were you? I thought Mark got you lost or something.” Doyoung asked as they approached the table.

“Excuse me? Is this how little you think of me? (Y/N) and I went to get something we both wanted and then Johnny Suh appeared out of thin air with a desire for retail therapy.” Mark pointed his head to the stuff in Johnny’s hands. Doyoung’s other friends cheered when they noticed Johnny— an odd gesture but nonetheless she had come to understand that Doyoung’s friends were a loud bunch.

“I guess you took my advice after all,” Yuta turned in his chair towards Johnny.

“What advice?” Doyoung asked.

“To enjoy his goddamn vacation.” Yuta chuckled when the table laughed.

“You know, that’s exactly what I told (Y/N).” Sooyoung spoke into her water glass, taking a sip when (Y/N) turned to glare at her.

“We do have two busy bodies amongst us don’t we.” Doyoung spoke while nibbling the stem of his sunglasses, looking at the both of them.

“Who here isn’t busy.” (Y/N) chuckled.

“Yeah but you both like it.” Sooyoung shuddered at the thought.

“That’s why (Y/N) was scared out of wits that night?” Jungwoo hid his smile behind his palm.

“She saw her own reflection?” Yeri added, making Jungwoo laugh in agreement as they both high-fived.

“Nevermind this.” Taeyong spoke up, “Stop ganging up on our friends. You haven’t even let them sit down.” He chastised.

“Here.” Jungwoo raised his hand, “We saved you seats.” He pointed at the empty chairs beside him.

Before (Y/N) reached her chair, Johnny pulled it out for her. She raised a brow at him but he just gave her a light hearted smile, one she felt compelled to return. Across the table, Sooyoung raised her brow at Doyoung, both of them watching the interaction before looking towards each other, a silent communication passing between them.

“Did you really buy matching bowls with the Mark Lee fellow?” Jungwoo leaned towards (Y/N) and asked after a moment, jutting his chin towards Mark as he sat down opposite them.

She turned to him, not answering him. Just staring till he got unnerved.

“Just remember that we’re best friends! Just because he lives in the same city as you doesn’t mean I can be replaced.” Jungwoo huffed, taking a sip of his juice.

“Right now I’m dangerously close to considering it.” She shrugged, holding back a smile when he slid his juice towards her.

“It’s pineapple. I know you like it.” He nudged it again.

She pushed it back towards him, “The waiter will show up, I can just order one for myself.” She gave him a close mouthed smile.

“Look, (Y/N)!” Jungwoo jabbed a finger at her arm, making her wince, “He said he wants watermelon juice.” He can’t possibly be your best friend.” Jungwoo scoffed, blowing air from between his lips rather dramatically.

(Y/N) laughed this time, “What are you even talking about?” She laughed again. “I love watermelons.” She ruffled Jungwoo’s hair. “And for the record, all of you are my best friends. But if we were keeping score, Sooyoung is the closest to the title.” She laughed again.

“That’s right.” Sooyoung spoke across the table, making Jungwoo turn to her to find her narrowing her gaze at him.

“Shit I was loud again, wasn’t I?” Jungwoo bit his tongue visibly and she laughed again, both amused and done with his antics.

“What about me?” Wendy asked (Y/N) with indignation.

Sooyoung scoffed,“Please, we all know you and Seulgi are stuck by the hip. Don’t try to take her away from me.” She turned to her. Beside Wendy, Seulgi nodded in admittance.

“I love watermelons.” Mark said softly, giving Jungwoo a soft look, “But I like pineapples too.” He said hopefully. Jungwoo looked up, a smile forming on his lips. He pointed at him with a pleased smile.

“We can get along.” He announced, making Mark’s face brighten up.

(Y/N) laughed, turning to Johnny to find him watching her. The smile he had was a new one. She rested her chin on her shoulder, squinting at him.

“What?” She chuckled when he didn’t look away. Johnny just shook his head, resting his cheek in his palm, keeping his eyes on her.

“So.” Seulgi started, “What do you do, Johnny?” She toyed with a piece of tissue, her gaze on him. He peeled his gaze away from (Y/N) with leisure, sitting up straight when he faced Seulgi.

“I’m an investment banker.” He shrugged, not holding her eye contact.

“That explains the watch.” Yeri murmured, making (Y/N) and Sooyoung turn to her with horror. Wendy nodded in agreement with Yeri. “What?” She said defensively when she noticed the glares, “You told me that the best way to judge a man was his watch.” She pointed at (Y/N), making her put her hand on her temple.

“Yeri!” Joohyun coaxed her with her eyes to stop talking, but it was too late. (Y/N) just stayed in her position, turning to give Johnny a nervous laugh.

“She’s right.” Johnny shrugged, “Shoes too.” He nodded in agreement.

“That’s exactly what she said!” Yeri spoke up in excitement.

“Fuck me.”(Y/N) groaned, the embarrassment just piling on.

“Here?” Johnny clicked his tongue, catching her off guard. Before she could process, he moved on. “You’ve got taste, (Y/N). I didn’t know you liked watches.” He flicked his wrist and raised the dial. “What do you think about this one?” He asked curiously.

She looked at the Piguet on his wrist, giving him an appreciative nod, “I like it better than what you wore yesterday. Though that’s just personal preference.” She added tapping her own wrist, Johnny’s eyes going to the watch, the same maker as his. Johnny smiled, pleased with that, it gave her the confidence to ask her next question, “What is your favourite?”

“It’s a Vacheron I got myself after an important IPO.” He said, like it wasn’t a big deal.

“So you’re basically a collector.” She gave him her own pleased smile.

“Is that good?” He asked.

“It’s better than buying one just because it’s the most expensive.” She shrugged.

“Can we order food?” Haechan’s voice snapped, both their gaze fluttering away towards him, “I’m very happy for you Johnny but it’s one in the afternoon and I haven’t eaten breakfast.” Haechan groaned.

On the way back, (Y/N) watched the scenery pass by outside the window. She tried to stay still as Joohyun slept on her shoulder, and Yeri on hers. Sooyoung turned back from one of the front seats, waving to get her attention. (Y/N) raised both her brows at her when she acquired it.

“You aren’t allowed to skip dinner tonight. If any of your clients have something to say, tell them that the glass ceiling is bad enough without them encroaching on your free time.” She warned in earnest. (Y/N)’s eyes danced with mirth as she nodded at her.

“I’m going to go back and go to the gym for a bit, okay?” She bit her lip. “Then I’m going to be at dinner.” Her eyes edged to the back of Johnny’s head that peaked from on top of his seat. She wondered if he was asleep, whether he heard her words. Sooyoung gave her a thumbs up before turning back to Doyoung to say something, letting (Y/N) settle back into her view watching.

(Y/N) took a deep breath as she lifted herself off the floor, music blaring in her ears to distract her from the burn in her muscles. She relished in the way her lungs burned, her mind clearing up in the way it did when she focused on physical activity.

She thought about Johnny, failing to ignore the way her insides clenched at the idea. There was nothing wrong with flirting with an attractive man, she reassured herself. Yet, a better part of her knew that she was messing with a person. She fell back on the floor with a huff, breathing rapidly as her lungs adjusted to the rest. She chastised herself again, he was also Doyoung’s friend.

She took another shallow breath. She tried not to entertain the idea of something more than casual flirting. He was clearly also preoccupied with his job, there would be no need for her to even consider more. A better person would just cut it out, spare the man the means to an end.

She felt the reverberations of footsteps on the wooden floor, lifting her head to see Johnny walk into the gym. She rested her head back on the floor to stare at the ceiling lights, a smile playing at the edge of her lips— so he was awake in the van after all.

He came and stood above her as her slowly steadying breath picked up again. He was so incredibly attractive that it was hard to be a better person. He parted his lips, saying something she couldn’t hear over her music. She lifted a finger at him, taking a bud out of her ear.

“Yes?” She asked, Johnny bit back a smile.

“Need help?” He raised a brow. She bit her lip and his eyes drifted down to them.

She could try to be a better person when she was back home.

“Do I look like I need help?” She feigned confusion. Johnny crossed his arms in front of his chest, she took note of the black sleeveless shirt that hung from his shoulders.

“No.” He paused, his frame still silhouetted under the lights, and she sat up on the mat to get a better look at him. “But I’d like to anyway.” He grinned when she nodded.

He sat down at her feet, putting his arms around her shin. She was grateful for her already shallow breath and flushed face in the moment. She put her palms flat on the floor behind her, watching him for a moment, enjoying the sight of him with his arms around her legs and staring up at her. Her breath quickened a little, lips parting to take in a breath. On his part, he looked like he was enjoying her attention; no visible effects of anything on his face.

“Well?” He raised a brow at her.

Bastard, she thought with a smirk, lying back down to continue her crunches.

“So,” Johnny spoke up as she got a few crunches in, “What do you do for fun?” He asked in a conversational tone.

“I have a personal goal of finding the best restaurants in New York,” She sat up, meeting his eyes, “Categorised according to cuisines of course.”

“That’s an interesting hobby.” He grinned, she shrugged at him, trying to think of other things one would consider a hobby.

“I cook sometimes," She added, "Trying to become really good at it actually.” She huffed as she fell back.

Johnny hummed, “As someone who is a terrible cook, how does one get better?” He questioned when her eyes lifted to meet his gaze.

“You make something.” He laughed at the simple answer as she fell back, “And then when you fuck up, you consider all the things that possibly went wrong.” Their eyes met again.

“Is everything a competition to you?” There was no judgement in his eyes, only curiosity.

She stopped to laugh, “When you put it like that,” She chuckled again, thinking over his statement. “I think I just like to do whatever I do, thoroughly.” She seemed satisfied by that self-assessment. “I’m not good at a whole lot of things. But the ones I do, I want to do as well as I’m capable of doing.” She added, an odd smile lifting her lips. That was the first time she truly verbalised that about herself.

“So you’re a perfectionist?” He asked, (Y/N) scoffed at the simplification, going back to her crunches.

“Perfection is a myth.” She sat back up, “I don’t strive for unattainable things.”

Johnny’s arms tightened around her calves, stuttering her movements.

“Interesting.” He mumbled.

She laughed, “What is?” Her head lifted from the floor.

“You are.” He smiled as their eyes met, “And what do you do for a profession?” He moved on from his previous line of thought too quickly.

“I work in grassroots organisation. Policy.” She was going back down but paused when he made a face.

“So you’re a lobbyist?” He squinted with humour.

She shoved his shoulder with a laugh, “You’re an investment banker!” He grinned at that, “What right do you have to judge me?” They laughed together. He let her legs go and she crossed them to mirror his position.

“Nothing, I guess there’s just implicit bias when that word is involved.” Johnny shrugged, laughing again as he ran his fingers through his hair, the dark strands falling on his forehead. She hummed skeptically at his words.

“My boss works for a Women’s organisation. I lobby for equal rights.” He nodded at her skeptically and she rolled her eyes, “Someone has to do it you know? Otherwise it’s just the oil and gun lobby running around.” He considered her words.

“So you’re an equalizing force?” He asked and she snorted.

“I wouldn’t give myself that much credit, but on the organisational level yeah, I guess.” She affirmed.

“Do you like it?”

“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate, “I’m passionate about it. And it matters to me.” She searched his eyes for some giveaway, he gave her a smile.

“I can understand why you work hard then.”

“What about you? What makes you get out of bed?”

“I’m passionate about making money.” He grinned, laughing when she laughed out at his confession. “Not as noble as you though, I suppose. He shrugged.

“Hey!” She shoved his shoulder again, “Nothing wrong with liking money. Money can’t buy you happiness but it sure makes misery comfortable.” She scoffed, making him laugh.

“I guess I just like living a comfortable life. I like nice things: good wine, a nice view from my bedroom window,” He paused to lick his lips. “Beautiful women.” His eyes bored into hers with the last words and she hoped her blush wasn’t too dreadfully obvious.

“Nothing wrong with that.” Her voice was more afflicted than she would like.

Johnny let out a strained laugh, “I didn’t think I would be as relieved as I feel to hear someone say that.” He pushed back his hair again, his eyes fluttering away from hers.

“Everybody wants to be comfortable.” Her brows creased, not understanding his frustration. “And if you work as hard as I assume you do. You have the right to do whatever you want.” She added, trying to get across that she understood.

“You don’t think it’s shallow?” There was an odd vulnerability in his eyes that passed too soon.

“No.” Her brows creased, “I think it’s admirable.”

Johnny scoffed like he didn’t believe her.

“I’m serious.” She laughed, hitting his shoulder again. This time his eyes followed the movement. “You know exactly what you want out of life. How many of us can say that?” He looked up at her when she said that, the look in his eyes he had at the restaurant in the morning, the one she couldn’t yet decipher.

“I never thought about it like that. Though it’s not entirely true.” He added. When she parted her lips to ask him to elaborate, he sat back, “We’ll be late for the dinner, (Y/N).” He pointed at the clock on the wall. She nodded at him, deciding not to push.

Johnny stood up, giving her a hand. She snorted but took it, unprepared for the way he pulled her up, steadying her balance with a hand on her waist. There was a respectable distance between them, one that she silently felt disappointed about. He seemed to enjoy lowering his gaze to meet hers though, his eyes glinting. She lifted her arm to push him away playfully, but he grabbed it when it met his shoulder.

“You aren’t that strong, you know? You keep doing that like you know I’ll give in and move to humour you.” His voice dropped to a sinful octave.

“I didn’t realise you were humouring me. Should I use more strength?” Her words were brazen despite her weak tone.

“Try.” He dared her. She bit her lip, her bluff caught too quick.

She had no chance to overpower the man in front of her. Still pride was a compelling motivator and she tried her best. Pushing his chest with a little more force than she hoped. He didn’t budge, moving closer to her to rub it in.

“Do it again.” He commanded. A ragged exhale left her. She added more force, he put his hand over hers, coming even closer and holding her palm on his chest.

“Johnny.” The way the word came out as a whine made her bite down on her tongue. She felt the vibration of the groan that left his throat before she heard it. She wanted to hear it again.

He leaned down closer to her face, lips brushing against her forehead. “The things I want to do to you.” He moved again, his lips brushed her temples. “Slow and agonizing.” His lips moved against her skin. If he wasn’t holding her so securely, her legs would have given out. She took in another breath, silently willing him to just kiss her. She wanted to grab him and do it herself, but she wanted him to give in first.

“Tell me.” She said instead, more to distract herself. His fingers squeezed her palm on his chest, his hand engulfing it to the extent that it wasn't visible.

His lips brushed against her eyes. “Oh you are terrible.” He groaned again, “Winding me up like there aren’t going to be any consequences.” She heard herself sigh, so aroused that it felt insane to think that he hadn’t done anything but speak.

When he let her waist go, the whine that left her lips was more lewd than she thought she was capable of making. He looked down at her like she had slapped him. Yet, she was the one who felt absolutely knocked out within an inch of her life.

“You.” His voice came out breathy and strained. He paused, a distressed laugh escaping his lips. He ran his fingers through his hair again, she resisted the urge to do it for him. “We’re late.” His voice was low, reprimanding her. It made her toes curl.

“Okay.” She said, her eyes focused despite the squeak of her voice.

(Y/N) stood under the freezing water of her shower, her skin too hot and her mind too clouded. All she could imagine was his eyes, his fingers wrapped around her hands; his large hands, his long fingers. She took a deep breath, focusing the sensation of the water running down her body instead. Her mind betrayed her again, drifting to imagine what his hands would feel like on her body, around her throat. She clenched her thighs so tight that the muscles protested. She thought about his voice, the gentle but firm authority with which he scolded her.

She squeezed her eyes tight, suddenly very annoyed that she didn’t have enough time to get off. Though, a part of her guessed that maybe for the first time in years, that wouldn’t feel enough. She felt like a teenager.

“This is what happens when you don’t get laid for too long.” She mumbled.

(Y/N) stood in front of her suitcase for so long that Joohyun had started giving her glances. She stared at the dress tucked into the corner of her suitcase. She was supposed to wear it for the rehearsal dinner, she had planned her outfits according to the events. The black dress she had decided for tonight lay on top of all her other clothes, but her eyes remained fixed on the other one.

Eventually, Joohyun came and stood beside her, peering into the suitcase to find whatever her friend was glaring at.

“Which one do you want to wear?” She asked her. (Y/N) pointed at the dress in question, letting out a huff.

“Just wear it then!” She knocked her shoulder against hers, “They’re all nice dresses. You can wear the one you wanted to wear tonight on the day you were planning to wear the other one. That way your stupid schedule isn’t too shaken up.” Joohyun sighed.

(Y/N) turned to her with a serious gaze, “You know me too well. It’s a little concerning.” She stated. Joohyun just hummed, tired of this conversation already.

“Can you please get ready? You already came back late!” She grumbled, pulling out the dress and putting it in her arms before pushing her towards the bathroom.

There was a knock on the room’s door, making both Joohyun and (Y/N) turn. Joohyun got up and walked over to it.

“Who is it?” She asked.

“Is (Y/N) ready?” Jungwoo knocked again, making them both roll their eyes.

Joohyun opened the door, “Yeah. Why?” She asked with a sigh. Jungwoo peeked from behind her to look at her before turning back to Joohyun as they both came back towards the room.

“Would you call her dress red or more of a maroon?” He pointed at (Y/N) with scrutiny. Joohyun turned to assess it herself.

“I think it’s more of a purple?” She said, unsure.

Jungwoo huffed at her, “Bae Joohyun, where are you glasses? That is not purple!” He sounded exasperated.

“I’m literally standing right here.” (Y/N) put her hands on her hips.

Jungwoo hummed, “Well?” He questioned her impatiently, “Which is it then?”

“Why?” She shot back.

“I’m learning colour theory.” He didn’t flinch.

“Red.” She sighed, not having the patience for Jungwoo’s eccentricities at the moment. He hummed again, lifting up his phone to type something as he left.

Both of them watched him walk out the room, closing the door behind him, “Why is he so weird?” Joohyun mumbled.

“If you find out, let me know.”

“My god.” Wendy whistled as (Y/N) and Joohyun left the room, “Look at you!” She said, glancing up and down (Y/N)’s body.

She looked down, a little embarrassed, “What?” She chuckled.

“You look like a fever dream. I’m almost feeling protective thinking about how many people are going to be eyeing you up tonight.” Wendy laughed.

(Y/N) smiled at her gratefully, “We all look great. Don’t single me out like this.” Her face felt a little hot.

“Yeah, Wendy.” Joohyun giggled, “You’re making (Y/N) shy.” She winked at her.

“You have no right to be shy in that!” Wendy gestured up and down her frame, “Act like the absolute vixen you look.” She nodded in appreciation.

“Can we stop this?” She groaned, “Where are the rest?” She changed the topic.

“Downstairs already. I can never decide what to wear so I was delayed.” She shrugged, threading her arm through both Joohyun and (Y/N)’s, “It paid off though, I’m about to walk into the room with two hot women and be the envy of the ball.” She sighed dramatically.

“Are you drunk already?” Joohyun asked, making (Y/N) snort.

(Y/N) was walking around in search of Jungwoo when she bumped in Mark quite literally.

“Oh.” He jumped back before looking back up at her, “Oh hey it is red.” Mark smiled looking at her dress. Straightened up a second too late, “I mean, nice dress (Y/N).” He laughed nervously.

“Thanks Mark.” She furrowed her brows but he was already waddling away.

The next unexplainable encounter she had was when Haechan walked up to her, “You look very nice, (Y/N).” He smiled at her brightly, “Sorry, I haven’t really had the chance to introduce myself to you properly so I wanted to do that.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess I’m guilty of that.” She laughed, “I’m terrible with meeting new people.” She shrugged guiltily.

“You know.” He bought his glass up to his face, tapping his chin with his index finger, “I would have never guessed that.” He chuckled to himself.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Ignore him.” A voice breathed close to her ear, catching her off-guard and making her jump. Johnny came and stood beside her, "I really did start to miss that." He smirked, implying her surprise.

"And why exactly do I deserve to be ignored?" Haechan crossed his arms in front of his chest. Johnny's reply was a noncommittal shrug.

“Do you want something to drink?” Johnny looked to her, his wandering eyes making blood pool into her cheeks. She looked away from his eyes, noticing his tie— red like her dress.

Haechan scoffed, “What are you doing to your voice, dude?” His voice an inch short of an outright laugh. “You sound like you swallowed something wrong.” This time he laughed. (Y/N) curled her lips in to stop her smile.

“What are you talking about?” Johnny coughed, giving him a pointed look.

“Please.” Haechan snorted, turning to (Y/N), “I’ve sat beside him while we watched Lion King and he cried till his nose was double, and his eyes half its size. Don’t fall for this nonsense.” He snorted again.

Johnny gave Haechan a tight smile, standing beside him and putting an arm around his shoulder, “Isn’t he adorable?” He told her. Haechan gasped, hitting Johnny’s arm but she could see it flex, tightening around the younger boy’s neck.

“Okay, okay.” Haechan’s voice came out strained, “You’ve made your point.” He tapped on his arm twice and Johnny let go. “Nice tie.” He pointed at it, walking away before Johnny could grab him again.

There was a moment’s silence. (Y/N) watched Johnny’s face turn red as his eyes looked to each side. It gave her more pleasure than she would have initially estimated to watch Johnny get flustered. She made a mental note to thank Haechan for it at some point. He opened his mouth before closing it, before opening it again.

“Everybody cries during Lion King.” She put him out of his misery. The laugh that left his lips was an embarrassed one. With intimate glee she realised that she finally had the smallest upper hand. “Nice tie.” She pointed at it, letting her smile bloom this time.

Johnny hummed, “It matches your dress.” He said like he just noticed.

“It does.” Her lips twitched, “Almost like it was planned.” She speculated.

Johnny’s eyes widened the slightest bit before he sighed, “I should have known. Subtlety isn’t Mark’s language.” He ran his fingers through the tie.

“If it helps,” She leaned towards him, “It’s not one of Jungwoo’s linguistic abilities either.” Johnny laughed out loud at that, the sound rich and deep. His laugh was an unique one, each sound disjointed in a way that would sound a little sarcastic if it didn’t accompany the way his eyes upturned and his cheeks stretched up. It made her smile.

“How about that drink then?” She questioned and he nodded, his usual smirk back on his lips.

Sooyoung stood beside a table of snacks, with her eyes on (Y/N) and Johnny. She skewered a piece of potato on her plate without looking at it, not noticing Doyoung and Haechan walking towards her.

“Your wife is intimidating.” Haechan pointed out, earning a glare from Doyoung.

“What are you looking at?” Doyoung asked, following her gaze to find it’s source. (Y/N) looked like he laughed at something Johnny said as they both sat down on two chairs tucked away in a corner.

“Johnny’s tie matches (Y/N)’s dress.” She put the potato into her mouth, pulling it from the skewer with her teeth slowly. Haechan visibly shivered.

“It was Johnny’s brilliant idea, he even put Mark up to finding out what she was wearing. I don’t know how Mark Lee, of all people, managed to find out. But it worked.” Haechan shrugged.

“Isn’t that a little too much?” Doyoung winced.

Haechan scoffed, “You know he’s a romantic at heart, always making gestures. Plus,” Haechan sniggered, “That isn’t even the worst part.” He put his hand beside his mouth like he was ready to spill some gossip.

Sooyoung snapped her neck towards him, making Haechan’s eyes go wide. “Continue.” She all but demanded.

“Umm,” Sooyoung’s gaze made him nervous, “He’s trying to act all cool and badass.” Haechan clapped his hands laughing with a shrill delight as he recalled it, “Raising his eyebrows all broody.” He tried to imitate, wiggling his eyebrows and puckering his lips. Doyoung snorted, thinking about his friend— he was nothing if not thorough.

Sooyoung turned to frown at Doyoung, “If your friend hurts (Y/N) I’m going to chop those long limbs off him.” She narrowed her eyes, “You can imagine what I will do to you.” She skewered another potato and brought it to her lips. Both Haechan and Doyoung gulped.

“He isn’t like that, Sooyoung.” Doyoung pouted, “Johnny’s the most sentimental one out of all of us, he just looks all big and bad.” He reassured her. “Just ask Mark.” He grabbed the boy as he passed by, putting him between him and his fiance as a makeshift shield.

“Ask me what?” He squinted, before he noticed Sooyoung’s intimidating gaze. He tried to pry out of Doyoung’s hold but he held him in a death grip.

“Tell Sooyoung about how you and Johnny drink together and cry about your mutual lack of romance.” Doyoung nudged.

Mark’s face turned red, “Hey, that was a secret.” He whined, going still when Sooyoung came closer, pointing her skewer at him.

“What are Johnny’s intentions with (Y/N)?” She narrowed her eyes at him, Mark swallowed.

“He likes her. He, like, really likes her.” Mark lowered his voice. “He made me find out what colour her dress was to match his tie. That’s too cheesy even for Johnny.” Mark cringed. “I mean he promised to get me the Xbox if I did, so I did it anyway.” Mark smiled as he thought about that, “Pretty sweet.” He looked pleased, shaking his head when Sooyoung glared at him.

“He’s not a bad guy, Sooyoung.” Mark said, “He’s the ‘settle down with two kids’ kind of guy.” He smiled before quickly adding, “That doesn’t mean he’s going to do that already. Johnny’s quiet guarded about most things. He’s mostly resigned to his overloaded lifestyle and only talks about these things when he’s really really drunk. He won’t overwhelm (Y/N), he’s very understanding.” Mark blurted out his monologue, pausing when he realised that his need to defend his best friend made him say too much.

“Sooyoung.” Doyoung sighed, coming out from behind Mark and taking her hand in his, “You’re the one who was trying to set them up,” He sighed, “Of course I noticed.” He added when she tried to speak up.

Sooyoung chewed on her lip for a second before sighing. “Look at her, Doyoung.” Sooyoung turned to look at them across the room, still talking to each other in their corner. “(Y/N) isn’t the casual type. She hasn’t even dated anyone since the first year of university! I thought I would encourage her so she’d ease into the idea again. I know she’s a workaholic, so I thought she’d find something in common with Johnny.” Sooyoung sighed, her eyes filled with familial concern, “But look at her!” She pointed, “She looks infatuated.” As if on cue, (Y/N) laughed at something Johnny said. She hit his shoulder playfully, looking away when Johnny’s face turned to her hand, her lips tugging with a smile.

“They look like they’re getting comfortable to the idea of each other.” Doyoung smiled, so did Sooyoung.

“Do we have anything planned for tomorrow?” She turned to Doyoung.

“Not particularly. We have to go pick up our parents at the airport and meet the hotel chef to finalise our menu.” He waited for her to tell him what she was thinking.

Sooyoung frowned.

“Why?” Doyoung furrowed his brows.

“I thought we could bring them with us somewhere. So they could get to know each other.” She chewed on her lip, turning her frown to the boys when they all simultaneously laughed.

“I can assure you,” Doyoung pinched Sooyoung’s cheeks, “You don’t have to help Johnny with that.”

Jungwoo and Seulgi caught sight of the circle, intently discussing something. Jungwoo marched straight towards them, Seulgi following behind him.

“What are we talking about?” Jungwoo asked, making Mark squeal.

“Nothing.” Sooyoung said.

“Setting up Johnny and (Y/N) up.” Mark said at the same time.

“Pimping our friends out.” Haechan said too, making everyone give him a disgusted face. “What? It’s the same thing.” He scoffed.

At some point, the both of them had started walking, somehow ending up outside the ballroom. The warm sea breeze balmy against her skin. Johnny was telling her about his top three favourite wines and the merits of each and they compared their preferences.

"Don't get me wrong." She explained, "A Bordeaux is in no way a bad wine."

"But?" Johnny nudged her.

"But." She shrugged, "Don't you think it's too sour? Considering that it's meant to be one of, if not the, best wine."

"That just means you had a set of heavy expectations when you met your first bottle." Johnny pointed out, "And then left disappointed when it didn't meet them all." He shrugged. "It's a fine wine." He chuckled.

"For 900 dollars a bottle, you'd think all expectations would be met and surpassed. Why else would you buy it?" She wiggled her brows at him.

"Because you can." He stated simply, "It's just one of those things that doesn't really make sense." He grinned at her skeptical expression.

"Think about it this way," He continued. "It's an industry, it employs people and as far as the process goes, it's mostly human operated. So if you can afford to buy one without making a dent in your financial situation." He shrugged again like he made his point. "Everything has a market."

"Spoken like a true Wall Street man." She joked, "It's a unique perspective, I'll give you that. Spending is important for economies."

"Exactly!" He grinned, pleased to communicate his point. "I still think we must give to charity. But doing things like paying a respectable wage and utilising resources that employ other people is also an important part of fiscal responsibility."

"You're right." Her eyes lit up as she thought about that.

"My favourite words to hear." He grinned, earning a nudge to his shoulder instinctually before she could stop herself. He let himself be shoved, giving her a meaningful smile.

"I don't understand you." (Y/N) blamed the three glasses of alcohol currently churning in her belly for making her blurt that question out. Johnny gave her a quizzical smile. "On one hand you're a tease." She bit her lip, not sure she formed that sentence the way she had intended when she went over it in her head. Yet, she continued, "On the other you try to match outfits." She bit back a smile at the thought.

"Was it a bit too much?" Johnny winced, halting his steps to turn to her.

"No." She added too quickly, "It's very sweet. I'm not saying I mind any of this." She paused, knowing that she had a point to this. "I'm just trying to figure you out." She remembered.

"I like making gestures." Johnny shrugged. He ran his fingers through his tie with a smile, "This was a gesture."

"Of what?" Again she blamed the alcohol for the sudden courage.

He looked up at her eyes, his smile replaced by an intense stare. "Do you prefer to be alone because it's too tedious with work?" She felt taken aback by the sudden question.

She realised that they were in one of the manicured gardens scattered across the property, surrounded by dense tropical shrubs and the gentle fragrance of orchids in bloom. She could hear the waves crashing against the beach nearby, her hair brushing against her clavicle in the breeze.

"I guess." She said, unsure of where the conversation was going. "I mean, I don't expect someone to wait for me to text them back because I opened it and then got a call from my boss which made me forget. I also don't expect someone to be okay with me cancelling dates because something came up. I just don't think it's fair." She paused, trying to find the right words. "Plus, you can't really build a meaningful relationship like that, can you?" She gave him a weak smile, certain now that this conversation was an end before anything ever had the chance to bloom.

"So what do you do?" He turned to face her, his eyes burning into her. The gas lamp behind them illuminated his features, she traced them with her eyes. When she felt satisfied that she would remember it she looked down at her palm.

"You choose between the two." She smiled sadly at her hands, "At this point in my life, I would choose my career over a relationship. Will I change my mind later? Maybe." She took a deep breath, a slow vulnerability seeping into her, "Will it be too late when I do? Who knows." She took another steady breath, looking up at him. "But I've worked too hard to get where I am, either way I won't regret it." She wondered if he had his answer.

"Would you choose to be with someone who also doesn't have the time, but wants to try and see if he can have both?" One corner of his lips lifted.

She stared at him for a second, not expecting that at all. She was ready for him to accept whatever could have been between them as a dead-end and she would agree with him and go their own ways. She prepared herself for that inevitability, coaxing her disappointment with rationale. Instead he said something that she didn't dare to consider. When the shock of it subsided she thought about his words.

"You don't have to answer that now. In fact I would want you to take you time. I just hope we can be on the same page." He toyed with his fingers, biting his upper lip as he pondered over something.

"What does the page look like?" Her voice was small, afraid she might be letting hope pick up a message he wasn't giving.

He looked up at her, "I really like you, (Y/N)." The way he said it, like it was almost inevitable, made her heart flutter, "When we met on the yacht, even before that at breakfast.” He laughed to himself, “Before Jungwoo even had the chance to mention our previous encounter," He bit back a smile, "I thought you were attractive." He paused to sigh, combing his hand through his hair.

She wondered why he bothered styling it so well if he would just do that. She wondered how her fingers would feel in his hair, combing through it like that.

"And as I get to know you more." He paused, wincing like he was bracing himself. "I think you're a real catch. I think we understand each other." She saw the blood rush to his cheeks as he fluttered his gaze away. "I don't want to smother you with all this, though. All this is just a way to say that we have this week to learn about each other. Time is a luxury I hardly have." He paused again, looking back at her with a soft conviction in his eyes, "But I would give you whatever I can afford if it meant we could explore this beyond a 'what if'." His gaze was an affectionate one.

Her heart pounding so loud in her chest that her voice came out winded, "Okay." She said, "I want that too. Everything you just said." The sound of her blood rushing echoed in her ears.

Johnny gave her what she categorised as the most dazzling smile yet, one full of affection and warmth.

Day 4

“Guys.” Jungwoo spoke as all of them walked towards the restaurant for breakfast, “There’s something up with (Y/N).” He dipped his head to look at her face better. “She’s smiling to herself.” He gasped.

He earned the displeased frown she gave him. Wendy put her arm around her shoulder, shielding her from him.

“Leave (Y/N) alone. She hasn’t had her cup of coffee yet, she’ll smack you.” Wendy warned, making Seulgi snort.

“Ugh that reminds me.” Jungwoo groaned, “I have a hangover. (Y/N) I want a cup of whatever nightmare coffee you drink. I have a conference call to attend.” He made a face. She gave him a sympathetic nod. “Why do you look so tired though?” He questioned, “I would have assumed that you’d at least get sleep on holiday.” Jungwoo sighed.

“(Y/N) came back at 1 am last night.” Joohyun added with a secretive smile. (Y/N) turned to her with wide eyes, shushing her.

“Excuse me?” Yeri squealed, “Where were you?” She tried to be firm.

“I was just walking around the compound.” She murmured, trying to walk faster.

“Alone?” Seulgi grabbed her arm.

(Y/N) paused, not exactly ready to talk about this, but not comfortable lying either. “No.” She said slowly.

“We’re here.” Jungwoo pointed at the glass doors of the restaurant. “Come on (Y/N), you promised me a cup of hell coffee.” He nudged her forward. She couldn’t be sure, but she was thankful for his interruption anyway.

“Two espresso shots?” Jungwoo stared at the machine incredulously as she tapped it in.

“I thought you wanted a cup from hell?” She reminded him, “That’s half of what i’m getting for myself. She laughed at the look he gave her.

“You’re going to die young, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” He shook his head, picking up his finished cup.

“Burn bright and fizzle quick, that’s always fun.” She replied wryly as he placed a cup for herself, earning a snort.

“So.” Jungwoo said as they waited, his face changing.

(Y/N) sighed, waiting for this for a while. “Later. Just give me some time to process things.” She promised and to her relief, he nodded.

“Not to press this topic.” Jungwoo said with a grin, “But Johnny is looking at you.” He glanced behind her.

“Oh.” She said, trying not to look too shy when she heard those words.

“And he’s coming here.” He added. “Thanks for the nightmare coffee.” He gave her a salute.

“Sounds delicious.” Johnny spoke behind her. He had a habit of doing that, she noted. Jungwoo scrunched his nose, shaking his head furiously.

“This is a necessity, I have work to do.” He added as he walked away.

“Hi.” Johnny said after he left.

“Hi yourself.” She lifted her cup from the machine, suddenly feeling too shy to meet his eyes.

“A little birdie tells me that you are quite the connoisseur of coffee.” He leaned against the table after placing his cup under the machine’s sprout. Her eyes wandered down his legs, seemingly endless.

She looked up at him, ignoring the blush that rose up her neck when their eyes met. Johnny stood with his elbows propped on the table, clad in black sweatpants and a red t-shirt that clung to his shoulders in a way that forced her to remind herself that it was early in the morning. He looked so good that (Y/N) wanted to groan— no one should look that good at 8 am.

“Which bird is it?” She asked. Johnny pointed his chin across the room. When she followed it, she found Yeri waving at them. Johnny waved back with a smile.

“I wouldn’t call myself a connoisseur.” She turned back to him.

“To be fair, no self respecting person would.” His words made her laugh.

“I do like the merits of variation in coffee depending on where it’s from though.” She admitted. Johnny’s coffee sat ready and he didn’t touch it.

“I hoped you’d say that.”

“Why?” She inquired.

Johnny slid his phone out of his pocket, tapping it open and standing up from his perch on the table. “You know the island is famous for its coffee beans right?” He came up beside her, showing her his screen. “There’s this roastery I wanted to visit but felt weird about travelling an hour just to go alone.” He looked at her hopefully.

“Yes.” She said, his eyes lighting up.

“Great.” He smiled to himself, “We’ll leave after breakfast?” He asked and she nodded. “Good.” He sounded pleased.

Johnny was on his phone when she walked into the lobby. Shamelessly, she took the moment to appreciate his frame, slowing her steps. He wore a simple black button up with faded jeans, looking every bit worth her appreciation. At some point she would give herself the freedom to wonder just how this breathtaking specimen of a man was interested in her. At the moment, a smile grew on her lips when he looked up from his phone to catch her eyes. He leaned back on the sofa he was sitting on, putting his arm on it’s headrest and watching her walk up to him with an appreciative smile of his own.

“Like what you see?” She decided to tease him this time.

His eyes sparked with delight at her words, “Absolutely.” His grin grew into a toothy smile. She blushed at his words.

“I took the liberty of asking for a car sans chauffeur. Don’t worry, I am allowed to drive here.” He added thoughtfully.

“I wasn’t.” Her laugh was breathy, “You travel a lot?” She asked.

He nodded, “Mostly for work, so it helps to have an international license.” He explained and she nodded back at him.

“Let’s go then shall we?”

(Y/N) wanted to appreciate the scenery, she really did. The highway they were on was sparse, only the occasional car whizzing by beside theirs. On either side of the road, the view went from dense trees, the sea, terraced paddy fields and even a volcano. She took all of it in with the sort of awe that only nature could give you.

Johnny played the kind of music that sounded like it was made for a moment like this, it made her chest stir. But even though that, the larger part of her attention remained centered on the man beside her.

At some point, Yeri had firmly planted in her head that there was something inexplicably attractive about a man driving a car. Emphasizing that it was more so when he did that driving with one hand. Sitting here, she made a mental note to confess to Yeri one day that she finally got her point. She tried not to stare at him too long, trying to distract herself with the astonishing view outside the car rather than the stunning one inside it. She passed the ride in the same agonizing way, eventually falling into her own thoughts.

They walked into what the webpage had categorised as a cafe. Yet standing there, it looked like a fine dining restaurant. The interior was a rich cream beige, the gentle hum of music in the background. Tourists mostly occupied the seats, standing out because of their casual beach attire and sun burns. An entire wall made of glass overlooked a large outdoor seating area.

“Do you want to sit outside?” Johnny asked her. She nodded eagerly, catching a look of the sky that was slowly getting cloudy, making the outside look like something out of a dream.

Johnny placed his sunglasses on the table as the waiter approached their table, picking up the menu. “I personally prefer a modest black coffee.” He said like he already knew what we wanted.

“Me too.” Johnny’s lips bloomed into a smile at the answer.

The waiter scribbled into his notepad, “How would you like your coffee to be made?” He asked.

“French Press.” They answered in tandem, laughing at the coincidence.

“Anything to eat?” Johnny asked her.

“Whatever you like.” She shrugged, “We’ll see to what extent our tastes match.” She bit her cheek.

“Is this a test?” He raised a brow.

She clicked her tongue, “It’s an opportunity.” She corrected.

He licked his lips, “You’re slick with your words. I’ll keep that in mind.” Something dangerous sparked in his eyes, gone too soon as he turned back to the waiter, “We’ll get a cinnamon roll each for now, please.” He handed the menu with a polite smile.

“Do I pass?” He tilted his head, toying with his own fingers as he looked at her expectantly and earning her attention.

“I have exactly two sweet pastries I like.” She dragged her eyes away from his fingers before she got ahead of herself, “almond croissants,” She paused to chuckle, “And cinnamon rolls.”

“You don’t like cake?” He questioned.

“I don’t mind it. But I absolutely will not eat one with frosting on it.” She scrunched her nose before considering something, “Unless it’s cream cheese frosting.” She pondered that for a second, thinking about the last time she had it and then nodding to her own statement.

“Specific.” Johnny noted.

“I can be. Once I come to the conclusion that I like or dislike something, It’s usually hard to deter me.” She stated.

“I, myself, am open to all possibilities. But I’m someone who goes after something I want with a sort of reckless abandon.” His eyes sparked with meaning, boring into her.

“I see.” She shied away from his gaze.

“And you?” He kept the conversation rolling rather expertly.

“I’m usually over-cautious about everything I do.” She admitted sheepishly.

An airy laugh came from Johnny, “Seems like we have just enough differences to make this interesting.” His eyes crinkled in the corner. She liked the perspective.

The waiter came back with their order as she explained to Johnny how tedious policy could be. The waiter placed their pastries on the table, followed by two individual sized french presses and two digital timers. She was suddenly really grateful to have found this place.

“Enjoy your afternoon.” He said after and walked away.

(Y/N) picked up one of the timers, fiddling with it and then putting it down after an adjustment. Johnny gave her a quizzical look.

“What?” She laughed, “I don’t brew it for three minutes.” She shrugged.

“I brew it for four.” Johnny said like he absolutely understood where she was going with this, making her laugh again.

She pressed her knuckles on her cheeks, an unsuccessful attempt to curb the smile on her face.

He was cute, she concluded.

“I follow this very particular method, which as a whole is nine minutes.”

Johnny looked petrified at the notion, “Isn’t that too much? Your coffee must taste like coal.” He put his hand on his cheek, resting his elbow on the table and musing out loud.

“Don’t knock it till you try it. I swear by this brewing method.” She defended.

Johnny raised both his hands in surrender with a breathy chuckle, “I’m just teasing.”

“That is your favourite thing to do, I am starting to realise.” She scoffed.

“You have no idea, (Y/N).” He gave her a secretive smile that had no right to affect her the way it did. She just stared at him for a moment, wondering how they arrived here while talking about her very precise routines.

She was thoroughly intrigued by the man who sat in front of her, she realised with a start. It was the most unlikely moment to come to that conclusion, but it sat in front of her as unapologetically as he did. It was mesmerizing in a way that would terrify her if she didn’t know his intentions already.

If he thought she was a catch, she thought he was captivating. They both watched each other silently, and just for that moment she would give anything to know what he was thinking.

The sound of their collective timers going off jolted them out of the moment.

“I thought you said nine.” Johnny teased and she gave him a pointed look. He picked up his press to push the grounds down; she opened hers and stirred it before closing it again, readjusting her timer. When she looked up, he was assessing the task.

“We’ll try each other’s and see which works better.” She poked her tongue out at him and he laughed.

“I guess you like a light roast if you keep it for that long.” Johnny deducted.

“Medium roast.” She corrected him, “Light is flimsy, dark makes you taste that roast part more than the coffee part.”

“Dark roast is perfectly fine if you aren’t letting it seep for ten whole minutes.” He scoffed.

“Nine.” She tried to hold back her smile to sound more offended than she felt.

“Okay.” He sounded unconvinced, making her bite her lip to stop herself from verbalising her indignation further.

When her timer went off again, she eagerly poured herself the coffee.

“What is the point of a french press if you aren’t pressing it down?” He pointed, noting the way she just used the filter more as a strainer, than a press. She ignored him, filling up her cup till the top and pushing it towards him.

“Try it.” She ordered. There was that spark in his eyes again, she ignored it in the face of her pride. “Now.” She pushed.

He picked it up, bringing the cup to his lips. He swirled it around his mouth gently, swallowing it slowly and having a look of deep concentration on his face the entire time.

He was so hot that it punched out the air from her lungs.

“It’s good.” He admitted, pushing his cup towards her, “Now you.” The real authority in his voice was milder than her feigned one.

“It’s fine.” She said after her sip.

A humorous huff left Johnny’s lips but he didn’t say anything.

They left the cafe with a bag of coffee beans each, freshly roasted and to their personal preferences.

“Thank you for bringing me here.” She told him as they reached the car, “I really enjoyed myself and I really liked the coffee. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my day .” Her smile was a satisfied one, Johnny mirrored it.

“Me neither.” He said, “Your company was greatly appreciated.” He looked away, fumbling with the keys as they reached their vehicle. “I’ll remember today very fondly.”

“So will I.” She added without hesitation.

The ride back was relaxed. Johnny told her about the time he took Doyoung to the Vessel in New York and made him climb the stairs, something Doyoung did not enjoy too much. She learned that Johnny’s favourite restaurant was on fifth avenue and that she had never heard of it, something he was shocked to learn. He was also shocked to learn that she hadn’t been to the Vessel yet.

“Living in New York isn’t as exciting as being a tourist in New York, I’ve realised.” She told him.

Johnny thought over her words for a second before turning to her, “You know, I think you have a point.” His voice laced with his epiphany. “We only went because Doyoung wanted to visit the Vessel.” She hummed.

“If you live somewhere, there’s never a hurry. When I was younger, I wanted to see all the places in the city. So far I’ve been to the Rockefeller centre. And that was only because I had work at the United Nations building.” She sighed to herself. “The park doesn’t count because it’s near everybody’s office.” She huffed a laugh and he agreed.

There was a silence that settled between them, comfortable and unforced. She enjoyed the view, distantly considering visiting that farmer’s market her assistant always got her jam from. When Johnny’s warm palm touched her thigh, a jolt went right down her spine. She turned to him, exercising a mammoth of self control to not look at his hand.

“We’ve stopped.” She seemed to realise, Johnny hummed in response.

“I just thought we could saviour the view.” He looked out through the windshield, she followed his gaze, a small gasp leaving her lips. She pulled closer to the edge of her seat to get a better view.

There was a cavern in front of them, covered so thoroughly with plants that it was hard to assess how deep it was. On the other side of the gorge, a stream flowed down from the edge of the precipice, a small waterfall. She could hear the gurgle of it as it fell, the mist from it’s fall blurring whatever was below. Far behind the gorge was the volcano, so high that the tip was covered in clouds. Her eyes drank in the surroundings, willing her mind to burn it into memory. She turned to him, rendered speechless and eyes wide in wonder.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He chuckled, she gave him a nod.

“It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.” She whispered, her eyes going back to the view. She looked around, surprised at the empty side of the highway. A view like this, she assumed, would have a flock of tourists.

They sat for a moment in silence, the splendour in front of them making words feel futile. Johnny pushed his seat back, reclining it so he could relax. She curled up in the seat, tucking her legs underneath her.

Her movement made him turn to look at her. She turned to him, “What?” She asked. He looked conflicted as he thought about something before shaking his head at her.

“Oh come on.” She laughed, “Tell me!” She insisted. She turned in the seat to face him, bringing her knees up to her chest and leaning her head to the side to rest on the seat. There was a small flash of something in his eyes, suddenly the air between them felt thicker. His eyes traced her frame, his lips parting as his eyes came back to hers. Suddenly she felt very aware of how the tropical humidity settled on her skin, making her feel a little stuffy despite the air conditioning.

He reached out, taking a hand in his. He looked at her palm carefully, ran his index finger over her digits before he wrapped her hand completely in his, biting down on his lip. She didn’t think such an otherwise rudimentary act would light her entire body on fire.

His eyes fluttered up to hers again, blown out till they looked black. “You’re so small.” The words weren’t anything beyond a simple observation. But the way he said it, struggled and breathless made her sit up in place. “You would fit so perfectly.” He stopped, using his other hand to comb through his hair, laughing whatever trance he was in off. “We should be heading back.” He said, looking back outside through the windshield.

There was a disappointment that settled into her chest, “Fit where?” She asked, tucking her legs under her and sitting up on them, coming closer to him.

“(Y/N).” His voice was that tone that was meant to be cautious but sounded like an admonishment. She wanted to tell him that doing that wasn’t helping anything.

She took a deep breath, “Johnny.” What she wanted to sound firm came out breathless and needy.

“God, fuck.” He groaned, turning to pick her up like she was a paper doll. She sat in his lap, stunned by his effortless strength. He raised a brow at her and it finally sunk in— she fit in his lap.

“You like it.” She looked up, searching his eyes for an answer, “Being the big strong one.” She placed her palm flat at the centre of his chest, thrilled by the mix of it’s hard muscles and his rapid heartbeat. His fingers squeezed into her waist, giving her his answer in the best way. “You like that you could crush me till I cease to exist.” She rubbed her thighs together as she said that. He noticed, his breathing as shallow as hers. Something about that gave her the last push she needed, she swung a leg over till both her knees dug into the seat. This close, she could smell his cologne, a mix of clean citrus and light spice that made her lick her lips.

Her frame was nothing compared to his. Her eyes went down to his chest, tracing her eyes over it’s expanse. She bit down on her lip, daring to inch closer to it.

“(Y/N)” His voice was a weak protest.

“Johnny?” She looked back up at him, pleased to finally hear the admonishment in her voice. She ran her palm down his chest, feeling the muscles clench under her chest. Feeling every defined crevice, her eyes fixed on the buttons that looked strained.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, baby.” The way the pet name left his lips, she was sure she would cease to exist without him even touching her. His hands stayed beside him, balled into fists but stationary. “I’m trying to be a decent man.” His eyes held no decency in them as they drank her in with intense hunger.

“Okay.” She brought her eyes back on his. She ran her fingers up his arm, thick and strong, dragging her nails against the warm skin. “You be decent.” Her fingers came to his neck, running a finger along the vein that strained against the thin skin, “I want to touch you.” Her eyes watched the vein pulse, a thought occurring to her, “If you don’t mind.” She dropped her hand, realising that she was probably pushing him.

He threw his head back with a defeated groan, “Why would I mind?” His laugh was deep and throaty, resonating in her chest. When he looked back at her, his eyes were darker than before. “I wanted to take you out on a date. I wanted to sweep you off your feet.” He sighed, his fingers coming up to cup his face, sweeping the pad of his thumb lightly against her lip once. “I wanted to court you.” His eyes peeled away from her mouth to meet her eyes. The combination of his words and the affection in his eyes made a fresh wave of heat pool between her legs.

“This is a date.” She felt herself blush. She would have been embarrassed of how needy she was being if it was anybody else. “You can court me while you touch me. Please.” She whined, loud and unabashed. She felt like a mess, a puddle of pure nerves that was being held up by a mix of sheer will and his secure arms.

Johnny put his other hand on her back, the heat radiating off it penetrating through the thin cotton of her dress. His thumb traced the edge of the elastic of her bra, making her insane.

“One day,” He spoke inches away from her lips, “In the near future.” His eyes held a promise, “I’m going to make you pay for winding up like this. For taking advantage of my weakness for you.” His breath fanned her face, a pleasing smell of coffee and cinnamon. “I’m going to enjoy punishing you so much baby.” She whined at the name, fisting his shirt. When his lips met hers, she completely melted into his chest. His lips were as soft as they had looked, patiently molding over hers.

He was right, she fit perfectly.

He ran his tongue over her lower lip and she gladly opened her mouth. When his tongue lapped at hers she saw stars behind her eyes. The hand he had on her cheek going down to her waist, wrapping around it completely. She moaned into his mouth when he bit her tongue gently. He pressed the palm on her back firmly, in one swift motion pulling her in and sitting up.

This close, she could feel how hard he was, pulsing against the flesh of her thigh. She moaned again, grinding her hips down on his pelvis like an animal in heat. His thighs tightened under her, flexing in retaliation. His hand slid up from her back to the base of her neck, where it met her back. He wrapped his fingers around it, gently tugging her head back.

“You’re so fucking wet, (Y/N).” He spat the words out, his fingers instinctually tightening around her neck making her roll her hips. “Are you that eager for me to be inside you?” She gasped at his words. “Well?” He added when she didn’t respond, freeing her neck from his hold.

She gave him a hasty nod and his lips curled up deviously.

“Use your words, (Y/N). You’re so good with them after all.” He ordered, wrapping a strand of her hair around his finger, “You were so verbose moments ago.” He cooed.

“Yes.” She breathed out. His lip twitched in the corner but he remained silent, raising a brow at her like he wanted more. She bit her lip, her chest and face turning red. “Want you inside me.” The words came out as a soft murmur. He hitched her dress up with a single finger, moving agonizingly slow as he dragged it up her thigh. When her dress was drawn all the way to her waist, he ran a finger along the cloth of her underwear, keeping his eyes locked with hers. He pushed the elastic aside, his finger slipping into her folds, the smirk on his face faltering. She shivered at how cold it felt inside her warm folds, he pressed the finger against her clit and she fell forward, hand going to his shoulder to steady herself.

“Do you feel that?” He rubbed circles around her clit, “How wet your cunt is for me?” He looked dangerous in that moment: his voice impossibly low, tongue impossibly filthy. She nodded, afraid he’d pull his finger away if she didn’t respond.

He dragged his finger down, grazing around her hole with an outrageously light touch. “Is that what you want? Hmm?” His voice was rough.

“Yes, please.” She gasped

“Such an obedient girl.” He praised, slipping his finger in till just the first joint. She wanted to slap his smug face, she equally wanted to kiss it. When she tried to ease her own hips down he stilled her with his grip on her waist. “Patience.” He reprimanded, making her pout, “Aren’t you a good girl, mmh?” He chastised further and she nodded. “Then behave.” He kept his finger so impossibly still. The sound of her blood rushing and their breathing were together echoing in her mind, so loud that she wondered how she even heard his soft voice with the clarity she did.

“I’ll behave.” She repeated, her nails digging into her shoulder in retaliation despite the polite surrender of her voice.

“You will, won’t you?” He pressed his finger the ghost of an inch further. Sweat beaded on her forehead, making her hair stick to her neck and her dress stick everywhere. “You’d let me hold you within an inch of your sanity.” She nodded at his words, her pussy clenching at his words.

He groaned at her compliance, finally pushing his finger all the way in. She dropped her forehead to his shoulder, the feeling of being filled so far in with a single finger too much for her to think about.

She thought about how small her hand had looked in his large one, clenching around his finger again. He pulled his finger out so slow, the wet sound of it moving against her wet walls making her moan. He dragged the nails of his other hand up the back of her scalp, making her skin erupt in gooseflesh. Every single nerve in her body felt battered by his ministrations.

When his finger was out till the first joint, he slammed it back with force. Her lips parted in a gasp, she attached it to the base of his throat to silence her moan.

He took a ragged breath, "Fuck (Y/N) you're so tight." He growled the words out, “Move your hips, baby.” She obeyed, matching his rhythm with a feverish pace. He left lazy kisses on her forehead, temples, eyes and shoulder; a stark contrast to the brutal way his finger rammed into her. When he added a second her back arched, her lips going up to his ear, biting down on his lobe. His wince vibrated in her belly.

“God.” She groaned in his ear, “That feels so good.” Her hand slid down his chest, the other now wrapped around his shoulder. He stroked her hair, tugging the strands gently. She clenched around his fingers again from the sensation

Johnny chuckled, “Your body talks for you.” He murmured against her cheek, pulling her hair with a bit more force and making her look at him. “You’re enjoying that aren’t you?” She gave him a nod, eyes rolling back into her skull. His lips brushed against her throat, humming against it. “Tell me, (Y/N). What feels good?” His lips brushed against the skin on her chest at the edge of the neckline of her dress, never going lower.

“You.” She choked on the word, “Everything about you.” She gasped as he curled his fingers inside her. Her back arched, her chest pressing into his.

She felt her orgasm approaching, her fingers tightening against his shoulder blade. “Johnny.” She sounded almost on the verge of tears. He gently caressed her hair, shushing her softly.

“Are you going to cum for me?” He cooed at her. She gave him a rushed nod and he quickened pace, turning her neck to face him. “I want to see you.” He said.

She rested her forehead on his, his hand letting go of her neck to caress her shoulders. He coaxed her closer to her edge with words of encouragement and praise, his eyes studying her tightly closed eyes and parted lips.

Every nerve from the top of her head to her toes fired together as her orgasm crashed through her. She moaned his name out, her body shivering with the waves that rippled to her, leaving her legs wobbly.

They stayed like that for a moment as she slowly came back to reality, her breathing slowly adjusting. Johnny lifted his head, kissing her temples, eye and the corner of her lips. She pulled his shoulder, kissing his lips. He smiled against her lips, cupping her cheeks to angle her face to deepen the kiss.

He kissed down her jaw slowly, “You.” He hummed under her ear, “Are pulling me apart by the seams.” He left a chaste kiss on the soft skin.

“You say that like you didn’t just finger my soul into a different dimension.” She let out a choked scoff. Johnny threw his head back and laughed breathlessly. She noticed the sheen of sweat on his forehead, the way his hair stuck to it.

He looked back at her, kissing her forehead affectionately. “You’re absolutely magnificent, you know that?” He held her face in his hands, “And so cute.” He squished her cheeks together, making her eyebrows crease. “You’re also so breathtakingly sexy.” He sighed, dragging his fingers through her hair, making her nuzzle into his palm. “It’s hard to keep myself in check around you.” He gave her a smile that made her grin. “I don’t want to scare you off.” He joked.

“Like you wouldn’t pin me in place by the neck if I did?” She teased him, biting her lip when his smile faltered.

“I’m sorry if I came on too strong.” He sat up, keeping her steady on his lap with his arm. “I didn’t mean to manhandle you.” He looked away from her.

She blinked, “I liked it. Manhandle me again.” She teased. He looked up at her, eyes a little wide. She blushed, looking down to toy with his fingers, her blush only growing when she noticed that they were still sticky from being inside her. “I think I liked it a lot.” She said meekly.

A thought occurred to her, making her eyes flutter to his jeans, “Though you—” her voice trailed off, he followed her gaze to where she was staring, his erection still pressing against his jeans. He tugged her dress, kissing her with a fervour, leaving her aroused and breathless again.

“When I fuck you for the first time, It isn’t going to be cramped up in a car.” He mumbled into her mouth making her shiver. “Don’t worry about me.” He reassured.

By the time they arrived back at the resort, the sun had already set.

“See you at dinner.” She smiled at him.

“No gym for you today?” His voice was the viscosity of dripping honey.

“I think it’s safe to say that I have completed my cardio quota for the day.” She bit her cheek. Johnny stilled, opening his mouth and then closing it. His cheeks going red as he let out a laugh.

He fumbled with the keys and she was hit with the realisation that this was the same man who was knuckles deep in her, sitting in the same place he was when he did. And just like that, they were both blushing and fumbling.

“Dinner. Right.” He said. He paused, running his fingers through his hair, “Sorry.” He breathed out the word, “I just wasn’t expecting you to say that. I’m not like, pretending it didn’t happen.” He gave her an apologetic look. Her eyebrows knit together.

“I didn’t think you were. But now I’m concerned.” She joked.

“I’m not.” He added too quickly, “When I like someone I mean it.” He explained.

“Good. So do I.” She added, the glint returning to his eyes.

She got out of the car before she did something that would make them both late for dinner. When she entered her room, she was taken aback to see everyone in her room. To her surprise, Sooyoung was there as well.

“How was it?” Sooyoung sat up on her knees on the bed. Yeri giggled from under the comforter.

“What?” (Y/N) shuffled her feet.

“Oh stop. Mark told Doyoung and Doyoung told me. You went on a date.” She grinned harder.

“It wasn’t a date.” She blushed.

Sooyoung threw the pillow she hugged to her chest at her feet, “He drove you halfway across the island for a cup of coffee. What else was it?” (Y/N) didn’t have an answer to that.

“Why are you being so secretive? We’re your friends!” Wendy laughed.

(Y/N) took a deep breath, “Because,” She paused, eyes locking with Sooyoung, “I don’t want you to get too involved with this and worry too much. He’s nice, I like him. But I don’t want you to feel responsible for anything because he’s your future husband’s friend.” She came up to Sooyoung, sitting down on the bed in front of her.

“(Y/N)–” Sooyoung sat up.

“I know you’re always worried about me. Plus,” She paused, forming the next thought with labour, “I didn’t want to talk about something till I knew there was something to even talk about. Don’t be mad, all of you are my friends and you are the first people I’d tell anything.”

Sooyoung came forward and hugged her, “I’m not mad. I just want you to be happy. Whatever or whoever that is, that’s yours to have.” She comfortably reassured her.

“So,” Jungwoo interrupted. “Does this mean there is something now? If you’re telling us, that is?” He looked at the ceiling in case she glared at him. Sooyoung pulled back from the embrace, holding at arm's length, silently asking her to answer Jungwoo’s question.

“Maybe.” She toyed with her fingers, her face going hot, making her look down.

This time Joohyun squealed, “Oh my god. You really like him, don’t you?” She squealed again, this time her other friends joined in.

“Depends how much you can really like someone in four days.” She reminded them.

“Oh stop!” Seulgi sat up and swatted at her, “Just enjoy it without trying to be practical. You can think about the logistics after you’re back home.”

“Home where Johnny also lives.” Wendy grinned making (Y/N) groan.

“I’m going to go take a shower. When I come back, my room better be empty. Don’t you guys have to get ready?”

Jungwoo disappeared for the third time, coming back with another pair of glasses.

“For fuck’s sake, Jungwoo.” She groaned.

“Aw come on. You’re my partner in crime. Don’t hold back just because you have a man now.” He pouted.

“That’s not–” She paused, her cheeks heating up. “God!” She groaned, “Just give me that fucking glass you imbecile.” Jungwoo grinned, handing it to her.

“I even got you a lemon slice.” He gestured to the space between his ring and middle finger, where he gripped the slice while holding the glasses. She snorted, pulling it out carefully.

More guests had started flying in for the wedding, making the dinners feel more like parties now. (Y/N) picked a comfortable corner table and stayed there, occasionally coaxing Jungwoo or Wendy to get her something to eat. She didn't need to coax Jungwoo to get her alcohol though, and soon enough she started to feel it heating her stomach and the tips of her limbs.

“Oh my god, (Y/N).” Jungwoo sat down, whisper-shouting at her as he placed another glass in front of her. “Look!” He turned to look behind her, “Two of Sooyoung’s college sorority friends are trying to flirt with your Johnny!” He gasped like he was personally offended.

“He’s not my Johnny.” She furrowed her eyebrows at him. She turned, following his gaze to spot him through the crowd. Sure enough, two girls stood laughing at something Johnny said. She turned back, lifting the glass Jungwoo got her to her lips.

“Well?” Jungwoo asked with urgency.

“What?” She gave him a confused look.

“Aren’t you going to do something?” He pressed.

“No?” She said incredulously. “He’s talking to someone, Jungwoo. People are allowed to do that. You don’t know if they’re flirting.” She paused, taking another sip of her drink. “And even if they are. That’s his problem to deal with, not mine.” She shrugged, taking another sip and realising that she no longer felt the burn of it going down her throat. It was time to stop drinking.

“Aren’t you worried?” He frowned this time.

“No.”

“Why?”

She took a deep breath, “Because.” She gave him a pointed look, “If he likes me he won’t flirt back and I have nothing to worry about.” She raised a brow at him, “And if he does flirt back then he’s not worth worrying about.” She scoffed, “I appreciate the concern though.”

“Wow. You’re so cool!” He clapped his hand on her shoulder, making her stumble in her seat. She frowned— she was drunk. “If I was you I would have gone right up to them.”

“It comes with age.” She smiled when he scoffed.

“You say that like you’re so much older than me.”

“Plus.” She paused a moment, “Johnny isn’t like that.”

“Oh?” Jungwoo’s voice rose in pitch, “We already know what he’s like, do we?” He smiled.

“I’m an excellent judge of character.” She shrugged again. A giggle bubbling up her lips at the look Jungwoo gave her.

“Come on.” He said, coaxing her to get up. “One more drink and I’ll stop bothering you.” He tugged her arm. “Plus, you need to leave this corner so Johnny can see how good you look in that dress. Just to be sure.” He winked, making her laugh again.

The last drink was a mistake.

The music had shifted to a slow bass and the lights had dimmed, making her feel more intoxicated than she did earlier. She stood with her arms threaded in Joohyun’s, firmly in place.

Joohyun had only stopped scolding her for drinking too much, a scowl still on her face. Jungwoo had ran away halfway through the lecture they were both meant to share. Joohyun passed her another bottle of water she slipped out of her bag, something (Y/N) was too grateful for.

“What would I do without you.” (Y/N) cooed.

“Get alcohol poisoning. Now drink.” She glared. (Y/N) nodded and tipped the bottle down her throat, finishing the whole thing in one go, too occupied by the feeling of the cool liquid sliding down her throat to notice that she did.

The song changed to a groovy one, making her sway her hips a little. She thought about how ridiculous she must look, having to hold back a giggle before it erupted. Ten points for self-control, she congratulated herself.

“Uhh,” Joohyun spoke up suddenly, turning to look behind her before looking back quickly. “Are you a horny drunk?”

(Y/N) took a physical step back at the sudden question, “No!” She sounded scandalised.

“Good.” Joohyun said too quickly, in time for an arm to slide around (Y/N)’s waist.

His cologne announced him before he did, the spicy citrus that made her want to lick his skin.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all night.” He leaned towards her head.

“Getting hammered.” Joohyun deadpanned. “I’m starting to believe it’s a problem.” She gave (Y/N) another glare.

“Jungwoo said I can handle it. Obviously, I had to prove myself.” She whined, making Joohyun put her thumb and index finger on the bridge of her nose.

“Can you look after her? I need to go find Jungwoo and Yeri. Last I saw them, he was getting her drunk.” Joohyun frowned.

“Maybe he’s the one with the problem.” (Y/N) mumbled mockingly., earning Joohyun’s glare.

“Take her back to our room?” Joohyun added. Johnny gave her a dutiful nod. Joohyun gave her a last glare before walking away, leaving her alone with Johnny.

When she turned to him, he was grinning at her, his arm holding her waist tightly.

“So you’ve been having fun.” Johnny laughed.

“Don’t laugh at me.” She warned, and to his credit he tried: biting down on his lip. She stared at it too long.

There was a small petty part of her, one that she hardly met save for when she was lacking inhibitions as bad as she did right now. She dragged her eyes back to his eyes, “I heard you found some admirers.” She teased. Johnny gave her such a delicious smile that she felt her stomach do an olympic flip.

So, apparently, she was a horny drunk after all.

“Are you feeling jealous?” He teased right back.

“No. I’m not the jealous type.” She paused, the liquid courage aside, she also felt the liquid ability to spill the truth. “I am the possessive type, though.” She warned.

In answer, he pulled her closer. “Really?” He sounded delighted. She gave him an affirmative hum. “It's a good thing then." He paused and licked his lips, "That I’m all yours.” His tongue sweeped over his lips, she wished he’d do that to her lips instead.

Definitely a horny drunk.

“I thought so.” She smiled to herself.

“Oh?” He smiled.

“Are you the jealous type?” She changed the topic.

“No. Anyone I’m with, I trust. You don’t feel that way if you trust someone.” He made a lot of sense, he did. But she was in the mood to be a little shit.

“It helps that you look like that.” She gave him a look over, he laughed.

“Like what?” He raised a brow and she scoffed.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t take advantage of a drunk, helpless girl.”

He laughed at that, but seemingly conceded.

“Do you want to sit down?” He asked after a moment, probably realising that she wasn’t steady enough to be upright for so long.

“No, I want you to kiss me.” There was a pause, she bit her tongue. On one hand, she was mortified.

(Y/N) had a rule to avoid drunken embarrassment: she just asked herself if she would say what she wanted to say if she was sober. If the answer was a no then she kept silent. She reluctantly took away the ten points she had previously given herself.

Yet, on the other hand, Johnny looked like sin on legs.

“You’re drunk.” He scolded. Somehow, when he did it, it was so sexy that she wondered if there was something wrong with her.

“So?” She could hear the stubborn persistence in voice, almost like she wanted to be told off again.

“Didn’t you just ask me not to take advantage of you while you’re drunk and helpless?” He clicked his tongue.

She wriggled in his hold, grabbing his arm when he tried to tighten in around her waist to keep her still. She turned to look at him. From this close she had to crane her neck a lot to get a good look at him. She fit into his arms snugly, coming up to his shoulders.

Johnny let out a shaky exhale.

She bit down impossibly hard on her cheek to stop her smile, “I was stone cold sober in the afternoon.” He took another deep breath. “I’ll be sober tomorrow and still want to kiss you.” She realised her own breath was shallow, her core throbbing.

“You’re driving me fucking crazy, (Y/N). You know that?” He pushed a hand through his hair, a low growl imitating from his throat.

“Prove it.”

He led her out of the banquet hall, holding her hand tightly in his as he guided her god knows where. There was a grin of victory on her face, one she aimed to the back of his head.

He stopped in the middle of some corridor, pushing her to the wall and locking his lips to hers.

She knew for a fact that alcohol numbs your senses, freeing you from pain and sensation for however long it held its effects.

But, being kissed by Johnny at the moment, she felt everything to an impossible extent. Her hands fisted his hair, making him groan into her mouth. His hair was soft in her palms, the ends poking into them occasionally and tickling the soft skin.

She felt the warmth of his palm as it roamed her body, there was nothing slow about them. Whatever restraint he had in the afternoon seemed to have disappeared and she was more than happy about that. She didn’t want his restraint, she wanted his untapped desire.

When he bit down on her tongue, she thought she would cum right there; shamefully, like a teenager with their hormones unstable and directing every action. She mewled against his lips and he ran his hands up her arms, pinning them against the wall and deepening the kiss.

On fire.

That’s how her body felt in his grasp. She felt mad with desire. Like it fogged her brain and befuddled her body. He kissed down her jaw, her head falling back to catch a much needed breath.

“You left me a little gift today.” He mumbled against her neck, “I thought I’d return the favour.” He poked his tongue, licking a soft circle around the skin before biting down.

Her moan echoed against the tight walls of the corridor. If someone heard, then she'd worry about it if they came to inquire. He sucked on the skin harshly, no doubt leaving a clear mark. She thought back to when she managed to give him a hickey, her mind too cloaked my lust to focus on anything else.

“Now we both have a matching pair.” He lapped the raw flesh to soothe it. She could only groan in response. She rolled her hips into his, making him shiver. She did it again just because of his response.

He let her hands go to grab her waist, pushing her back into the wall.

“If you do that, I just might fuck you right here.” He warned. She pouted at him, gasping when he bit the flesh inside her lower lip. “Don’t be petulant.” He admonished.

“You seem to like it.” Her voice was, in fact, petulant despite how breathless she felt. The look he gave her made her toes curl.

He dropped his head to her clavicle, licking it slowly before sucking down on the skin. Her fingers went back to his hair, dragging her nails through his scalp. She placed her other palm flat on the wall beside her hip, needing it to keep her grounded.

He finished her work, looking back up to face her, “That was for the scratches you left on my shoulder.” He reminded her, sliding a hand down from her waist. “This.” His voice dripped into her ear, his hot breath fanning her earlobe. He smacked her ass lightly, playfully. Still her eyes went wide, not expecting that. “Is for being a brat.” He kissed the corner of her lips.

“You’re going to make me lose my mind.” She breathed out, laughing at her own confession.

“Good.” His finger traced lightly against the skin of her thigh, “Then we’ll be on the same boat.” He pushed back, giving her a kiss on her temples. “Come on, let’s get you back to your room. I promised Joohyun I would.” His voice shifted back to it’s friendly ease effortlessly.

When she woke up the next morning, her head throbbed. But the cold sweat on the back of her neck and the uncomfortable heat between her legs let her know what she dreamed about. She realised that she had been woken up, looking up to see Joohyun standing over her bed. Her arms crossed like she was disappointed in her. (Y/N) thought about last night, rubbing her face with her palm. Joohyun was justified in her disappointment.

“Please tell me you didn’t do anything you would regret under the sun.” Joohyun pushed the covers off her.

“No.” She croaked, pausing and then reforming her statement. “Nothing I wouldn’t do sober.” She smirked to herself at that. Joohyun let out a snort, closing her eyes and turning away, trying to curb her smile.

“Come on.” She poked her shoulder, “I’m not letting you skip breakfast.” (Y/N) whined but obeyed, getting out of bed.

Day 5

Joohyun and her walked to the restaurant together, the others already there according to Joohyun. They had turned a corner when they heard a voice call her name out. They both looked right to find Mark waving, Johnny walking beside him. He had his hands in his pocket, wearing a white t-shirt with simple terracotta shorts.

It occurred to (Y/N) that while she didn't believe in perfection, Johnny Suh was probably the closest anyone could come to it.

"I didn't see you all day yesterday!" Mark commented as they came closer, her eyes drifting to Johnny at the remark. He looked at her like he was fine with letting her answer that all by herself.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." Was all she could bring herself to say.

When they finally reached, Johnny came up in front of her with an evil glint in his eyes that didn't match the soft smile on his face. She was only just raising a suspicious eyebrow at him when he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in for a kiss.

She stood frozen for a moment, her heart hammering in her chest and her face turning hot, both of which she was sure he could feel. Her hands came up to his chest and she hesitated for a second, dangerously tempted to pull him close. He smelled faintly like a different cologne, like bitter oranges and spice— a signature that would now arouse her simply from association. Instead, she pushed him gently. He moved back without any resistance, a pout forming on his lips.

"What are you doing?" Her voice sounded like something between a whimper and sheer horror.

"Kissing you." He said the words like it was something he did all the time and she was the one who was weird for asking. It also made butterflies erupt in her stomach because he gave her a soft smile while he said it.

He started to lean back again when she pushed back, bending her back to get her face away from him. From the corner of her eye she could see Joohyun and Mark, frozen in place and watching them.

"What's gotten into you?" She glared at him. Embarrassed and incredibly turned on by his brazen claim.

"What?" He pouted. "You promised last night, remember? He tightened his arm on her waist, pushing a strand of hair that fell out of her hasty ponytail behind her ear. "You said you'd kiss me when you're sober tomorrow. That's why we–" With a teasing smirk growing on his lips, he started to remind her. She quickly reached up to put her hand on his mouth.

"Okay," She hissed, "Okay." She levelled her voice, "You've made your point. Now stop." She begged, wriggling in his hold but he made no move to budge, his eyes turning up in glee. When she let go of his mouth he whined; the three of them looked at him like he was insane.

"But you promised." He huffed.

"Maybe we should go?" Mark turned to Joohyun who gave him a quick nod.

"No!" She snapped at them, "We're also going. Johnny's just being exasperating." She turned back to give him a glare.

"You seem to like it." He repeated the words she said to him last night, making her cheeks feel impossibly hot. He let go of his hold on her waist after that, tucking his hands back into his pocket. She moved away from him immediately, straightening herself and avoiding eye contact with the two people who were witness to his retribution.

"Breakfast." She reminded them and more importantly herself, "I'm not in the mood to be messed with before I drink my morning cup of coffee." She mumbled, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards their destination forcefully.

"Can I mess you up after it then?" His choice of words were deliberate. She took a sharp inhale, ignoring him completely.

Johnny slipped his fingers through hers at some point during the rest of the short walk. She tried not to think too much about it, but her heart pounded against her chest anyway. He was pulling her towards the coffee machine predictably when a voice called out to her. She turned to see Sooyoung’s mom beckon her over. She turned around to Johnny rather apologetically, not wanting to let go of his hand.

She felt sick with infatuation.

He looked up at Sooyoung’s mom, before back at her. “Sit with me today?” He questioned and she gave him a nod, a smile spreading on her lips. He let go with a satisfied nod, letting her hand go, she slowly walked away to Sooyoung’s parents.

“It’s been so long.” Mrs. Park hugged (Y/N). “Sooyoung is always bragging about you to us.” She laughed, pulling back and holding her at arm’s length. “You’ve grown into a beautiful, independent woman, (Y/N).” Something about that made (Y/N)’s lips quiver.

Mrs. Park was a special person to (Y/N). She never doted over Sooyoung for how beautiful she was— and Sooyoung was, by all accounts, stunning. Instead she raised her daughter to be opinionated and strong-willed. When (Y/N) first met Mrs. Park, the woman took it upon herself to impart the same wisdom on her. Whenever (Y/N) was at their house, she was no different from her daughters and through the years, Mr. and Mrs. Park had become like her parents. The compliment coming from Mrs. Park felt like she had finally made it in life. She hugged her again.

“I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to visit. I missed you.” Her voice wavered and Mrs. Park laughed and patted her back.

“Sooyoung calls you our little busy body.” She laughed, patting her head with motherly affection. “Come home and I’ll feed you okay? You look like you need to take better care of yourself.” She looked down at her, clicking her tongue in disapproval. “Look at the bags under your eyes.” She cooed.

(Y/N) scoffed gently, “You and mom would have a field trip if you came together.” Her words made Mrs. Park laugh.

“I haven’t seen her in so long as well, wow!” She paused, “You kids really grew up.” She said wistfully.

“I insisted that she travel a little. With us siblings occupied with work, she’s bound to be lonely by herself. She’s currently in Australia visiting a friend, nearby actually.” She laughed.

“Does she visit you?” Mrs. Park asked.

“Sometimes, yeah. I feel bad about her flying all the way just to spend most of the time in the apartment by herself. She doesn’t even know anybody in New York.” She smiled, trying to mask her sadness at her own words. It was fine, she told herself. She grew up wanting what she had now, the consequences were just a part of that.

“Come visit okay? Take some days off once in a while. I’m a shorter flight away.” She scolded her and she nodded with a laugh. “Go eat now! That man has been waiting for you all this time!” She laughed pushing her. (Y/N) turned away, giving her hand a final squeeze.

Johnny was waiting for her like Mrs. Park said. Leaning against a pillar and watching her carefully.

“Are you okay?” His voice was laced with concern, forehead creased. Something stirred deep inside her chest.

“Yeah.” She felt her lips grow into a smile, “I think I really am.” It was a rare instance where the words felt true.

He gave her a questioning look but didn’t press, “Let’s eat?” She nodded.

They were all walking back towards their rooms together when Haechan spoke up.

“Let’s go to the beach, you guys! The wedding's the day after and we’re yet to take a dip in the sea!” He whined, pulling Mark’s arm.

“Don’t you dare.” Doyoung glared, “If any of you get sick, Sooyoung will pop a vein. The whole thing was too meticulously planned.” Sooyoung looked at Doyoung, looking like she didn’t know whether to be offended or proud.

“Fine. We’ll just go and walk on the beach. Come on!” He pushed, “I had a whole scenario in mind when I heard you were having a beach wedding. So far I’ve had a slice of pineapple and that’s it.” He groaned.

“Fine.” Doyoung huffed. Haechan gave him a thumbs up.

It was too hot this early in the day, suddenly nobody liked the idea of being on the beach anymore. Haechan insisted on standing at the edge of the water, clearly flushing from the heat but pretending he was enjoying himself for the sake of his pride. The rest of them found spots of shade to shield themselves. At some point, Haechan managed to drag Mark and currently chased him around the hot sand.

“Johnny!” Haechan shouted across the beach at some point. Johnny lifted his head from the lounging chair he was lying on to look at the boy, moving his sunglasses up to his head. “Help me drag Mark into the water!” He said with a loud giggle, the corner of Johnny’s lips tugged.

“Why would I do that?” He shouted back.

“Because it’s fun to tease Mark.” Haechan replied. Johnny sat up with a laugh, giving into that. Mark looked over, shaking his head at Johnny.

“Why are you bothering the poor boy.” She told Johnny off.

“Just a little bit.” Johnny winked, making her laugh.

He caught up to Mark easily, yet instead of picking him up, he stopped in front of Haechan with a grin, lifting him up and walking towards the sea. Haechan’s shrieks were a mix of horror and surprised delight as he beat his fists on Johnny’s back, the action not seeming to make a difference. As they just about reached the edge, Johnny swung him once before placing him back on his feet. Haechan gave Johnny a surprised hug like he saved his life making Johnny laugh and ruffle his hair.

He came back with an easy smile on his lips, perching his sunglasses back on his eyes. Lying back down on the chair and putting his arms behind his head, he took a deep sigh. “I could get used to this.” He mostly spoke to himself.

She turned to him, staring at his profile. The sun illuminated his face below the nose, the rest covered by the large umbrella above them. She traced her eyes on his chin, his lips illuminated under the soft rays of the sun.

“Enjoying the view?” His voice came out a sleepy murmur. He shifted, turning to face her, taking the shades off his eyes and putting an arm under his head.

She gave him a hum, shifting to mirror his posture.

“Do you ever feel lonely?” His voice was soft.

“Of course.” She smiled, “Everyone does.” She sighed herself. His leisure influencing her too.

“What do you do when you do?” He questioned.

“I call my friends, ask them about their day.” He shifted closer on his chair, “We video call each other, complaining about work and life.” She smiled affectionately.

“That sounds nice.” He hummed softly, “There’s a comfort in knowing your struggles are understood. More than your achievements sometimes. Though,” He paused, a breathy chuckle coming from him, “That’s also its own kind of nice.” He admitted, making her chuckle too.

A figure approached, blocking the sun and making them turn. Yuta stood with Ten beside him.

“We have to go, dude. The bachelor party still needs execution.” Yuta flung his arm at Johnny’s back. Johnny turned over, squinting when the sun fell on his eyes. After a moment he sighed, sitting up and giving him a nod.

“How cute. They have matching hickeys.” Yuta jabbed his elbow at Ten’s ribs, making him wince first and look later.

“She has two.” Ten smiled, “Johnny my bro!” Ten sniggered.

“We’re leaving.” Johnny warned them, whatever look he turned to give them making them stop. He turned back to her, a lazy smile on his face. “I’ll see you tonight.” He promised, “Don’t pay attention to them.” He pointed to his friends, “This is how we treat people we’re close to.”

Johnny sucked in his lower lip, grazing his teeth over it before he opened his mouth again, “And.” He put his shades back on his nose, “Don’t drink.” A smile danced at the edge of his lips.

It was Doyoung’s idea to have their respective bachelor parties before dinner. He needed his sleep, he had told Sooyoung. When he reminded her that she would get dark circles, she conceded.

As they were sitting at the table for dinner, (Y/N) could tell that both of them were regretting that decision. They sat side by side, clearly still drunk out of their minds— their cheeks flushed and eyes heavy. Both of them kept their eyes glued to the table, furrowed in concentration. She bit back a laugh. She glanced around the table. Most of the boys and, even her friends, all in various stages in intoxication. A gentle pout formed on her lips. While she did thoroughly enjoy the afternoon watching her friend’s antics, she felt a little left out suddenly.

As she scanned across the table, her eyes met Johnny’s. To his credit, he looked sober too. She raised her glass of water with a mocking smile, watching his lips part for a laugh. He raised his too, as if to reaffirm that they were together in their sobriety. She looked away from him, pleased with the idea.

Taeyong, Doyoung’s best man, expertly forfeited his speech by claiming that he would rather give time to anybody else since he has one for the wedding day. The way he spoke slowly to avoid tangling his words together told her that was only half of the reason.

Jungwoo swayed so clearly in his seat that Sooyoung’s dad flashed him a concerned glance. When he looked up to give him a thumbs up, it did the opposite of reassure him. Suddenly, she wasn’t feeling too bad about being sober anymore.

They caught each other’s eyes a few more times during the meal.

At some point, Mark even convinced Johnny to give a little speech. Johnny spoke about the time Doyoung flew down to New York without hesitation because Johnny admitted to him that his new apartment felt isolating. Doyoung came, helped Johnny pick out furniture that felt comfortable and baked cookies so the apartment would feel more homely. Johnny assured the crowd that in a weekend's time, the place did feel like home because he had memories in them.

Doyoung looked embarrassed, but looked at Johnny with love in his eyes. Mark added that Doyoung made better cookies than his mom, but his mom wasn’t a good baker anyway. The crowd laughed and Doyoung wiped a tear away quickly.

When Johnny came back, Doyoung got up to give him a hug— burying his face in his chest and making Johnny pat his back affectionately. The whole ordeal left her feeling warm and soft in a way that felt new.

It had been more than an hour, she somehow ended up in a corner listening to Jungwoo’s unsolicited opinion on the possibility of alien life when she saw Johnny walking towards them. Jungwoo clicked his fingers in front of her eyes to get her attention, leaning further on his chair.

“If you think about it. Like really think about it.” Jungwoo whispered, shushing her mid sentence even though she was silent the whole time. “They’re just waiting for us to get technologically advanced enough to fight in a war with them.” He concentrated on the floor.

“Wouldn’t it make more sense for them to attack before we get there?” Despite herself, she indulged him. Too infuriated by the flaw in logic to not question it.

Jungwoo pondered over the words for a second before shaking his head, “No I’m definitely the one making sense.” He wiggled his index finger in front of her face, “Syria, (Y/N). Think about what happened in Syria.” He urged as Johnny finally came and stood in front of them, peering down at Jungwoo.

“Save me.” She mouthed at Johnny, then not sure if he wouldn’t just to enjoy her suffering.

“You know, I think what he’s saying has its merits.” Johnny pointed the glass in his hand to Jungwoo. He brightened up at those words.

“See? Johnny knows space Syria is legit.” Jungwoo gloated. Johnny snorted to himself and she felt tired, just humming at the drunk boy.

“Want to take a walk with me on the beach?” Johnny asked her after a moment. At first, she thought she would refuse just to spite him.

“And don’t even get me started on Y2K–” Jungwoo began. She stood up.

“Yes beach.” She said too eagerly, before something occurred to her. She turned back to the very drunk Jungwoo with concern.

“I can ask Taeil to drop him back to his room, if you want. He told me he’s going to leave anyway.” Johnny offered and she gave him a very grateful smile.

After they found Taeil, he helped Jungwoo out and reassured he’d get the drunk fool back to his room. Johnny led her out of the banquet hall. They passed the corridor they were in the day before, both of their eyes lingering on the wall.

When they got on the elevator, she felt her cheeks heat up. There was a moment's pause before Johnny burst out laughing, she was compelled to join in.

"You know why I was in the basement the other day?" He questioned with an indulgent grin. She looked up at him, still a little flustered and not yet willing to speak.

"I was the only one who could drive here. So I got the boys pizza." He snorted, "I was so close to saying no." He ran his fingers through his hair, a smile forming on his lips. "I was on a flight for 20 hours with a 5 hour layover after a whole day's work. I was tempted to just order them room service so I could sleep." He fell into some thought, spacing out slightly.

"Oh." She said when the silence dragged for a moment.

"Taeil and Haechan begged. To think that I was so close to missing the way we met." He snorted.

"We would have still met, I mean our best friends are getting married." She didn't know why her voice sounded so intimate. Johnny laced his fingers through hers, watching as he toyed with the digits.

"Yeah." He looked up, "But that's a better story to have, isn't it?" Glee gleamed in his eyes.

Johnny took a few steps closer, "Plus," His eyes traced her face. "How else would I have known how impossibly cute you are when you're flustered?" He clicked his tongue. "I'll have to get Taeil and Haechan pizza anytime they ask now." He lamented.

"Because you now have an elaborate scheme to meet more women?" She laughed.

He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her palm and making her breathing shallow again. "To thank them. I don't think I'd have the balls to pursue you otherwise." He hummed against her palm.

She scoffed, "Right." She lifted a brow at him.

"See? When you do that you look like you'd break my knees if I bothered you. It's kind of hot." He hummed against her wrist.

"You spoke to me at breakfast!" She tried to counter, her voice meek.

"And you looked like you were in no mood to engage in conversation. You rushed away too." He tugged her arm to pull her closer, pouting his lips. "I was a little intimidated." He mumbled, moving his hands to her hips.

She felt a little dumbstruck.

Johnny. The Johnny that stood in front of her right now with his dark hair tossed over; in a suit that fitted so well that it had to be custom tailored. The Johnny who currently towered over her frame and looked at her with eyes that bore into hers. This Johnny was intimidated by her?

"Don't be ridiculous." She sounded dazed, before a perplexed laugh came from her lips. "You're just teasing."

"I swear it." He smiled, coming closer to kiss her temples. "When you realised I was the same person from the elevator, you looked so flustered." He chuckled against her ear. "I thought to myself, 'I'd risk getting my knees kicked in just to get a few words in with you'. I was really hoping my charms would work." She lifted her neck as lips went towards her throat. Her mind was foggy while she tried to process everything he just said.

The elevator dinged as it reached the main floor. Reluctantly Johnny let her go, keeping her hand in hers as they walked over to the beach.

"So you really can't think of anything that you would like as a romantic gesture?" Johnny craned his neck towards her, his elbows dug into the towel they picked up at the pool as he propped his upper body up on them, leaving a dent in the sand.

She shook her head at him again, resting her head on her knees. Johnny looked up at the sky, chewing his lips trying to think of something.

"Flowers?"

She wrinkled her nose, "I dislike the concept of giving or buying flowers." At this Johnny sat up further, his eyes furrowed in confusion.

"Why?" His bewildered tone made her smile.

"It seems like a waste to me. Cutting beautiful flowers just so you can bring them home and display it." She thought about it, "To me it says, 'Have this tender thing that I essentially killed for you!’.” She frowned, “Not flowers." She confirmed.

"Damn." Johnny said softly, "You have a point." To that she laughed.

"What about gifts?" He tried.

"I can buy anything I want by myself."

Johnny whined, "That's not the point, (Y/N). It's a gesture, it says: 'I thought of you when I saw this.' or, 'I want you to think of me when you see this'." He held his hands out like he was holding something in them.

"Okay." She conceded, "I guess it depends on the intentions but when you say it like that it sounds kind of nice." She shrugged.

Johnny lay back down on the towel again, laughing in the disjointed way he did when he found something genuinely delightful.

She smacked his chest, "Don't laugh at me." She mumbled.

"I'm not laughing at you." He rolled over to face her, putting his palm under his head.

"Then?"

Johnny chewed on his bottom lip for a second, "You aren't a romantic, are you?" He didn't sound accusatory, merely curious. She thought about that, coming short of an answer.

"I don't know actually." She looked up at the moon, "I've never really thought about it."

"How are you like in a relationship?" He readjusted his arm again, bringing the forearm down to rest in front of him and propping himself on a single elbow, toying with his other hand.

She hesitated for a moment, the sound of the waves crashing on the sand and the whistle of the sea breeze in her ears. Her hair tossed in the wind and she took a deep breath. If it was someone else she would have dodged the question. She looked back towards Johnny, patiently watching. Johnny, who was patient and considerate. To the point where she felt so comfortable around him that it felt strange to think that till a week ago she didn't know who he was.

Her eyes drifted away from his, looking over to a hole in the sand— one that a crab had burrowed into it.

"I've dated twice in my entire life." She breathed out. She thought about the creature that lay somewhere under the warm sand, snug in its shell and lonely in it's comfortable burrow. "Both times were short. More curiosity about how it would feel rather than wanting to be with the person." When she turned her eyes back to Johnny he was watching her with a deeply contemplative face.

She looked back at the horizon where the sea seemed to meet the sky, the line currently blurred in the dark.

"The first time I was young and stupid. He wasn't unkind, he was just the first person who ever asked me out. It was before university and I went for it." Her eyes drifted up the horizon, the sea turning into an ocean of stars. "A month later he told me he wanted to be with me even when we went to Universities on opposite sides of the country." She took a shaky breath, "In hindsight, I was cruel. But I freaked out and just left without saying anything." She took another long breath, finally turning to look at him.

Johnny still didn't say anything, still looking at her with those same eyes.

She willed herself on, "I had my life ahead of me, you know? I wanted to see things, see the world." She laughed at the words, thinking about her old self— naive and hopeful. "I didn't want to go off to University already committed to a guy that I hardly knew. A guy I didn't even like." She took another breath.

Her eyes drifted back to the waves again, the moonlight making the sea foam look like it was glowing. She sighed. She had started now, she might as well finish.

"I ended up not dating the rest of University." She shrugged, "I realised that I didn't even like casual sex." She paused, turning to him quickly. "That isn't to say that I have a problem with it. It's just not something that worked for me." Johnny finally gave her a nod, the small reassuring smile on his lips making her feel like she could finally breathe. "I did a lot of stupid shit that I regret now." She groaned, pushing her hair back from her face.

"You were young." He mumbled. Hearing his voice after the long silence felt a little jarring. "We all did stupid shit when we were young. That's what it's about anyway." He shifted again, sitting up and crossing his legs, "Trial and error." He said thoughtfully, his eyes roaming her face.

"So." She sighed, "I didn't date anyone after that. I didn't care about it anyway, I wanted to be someone more than be with someone." She paused, laughing. "That sounds so stupid when I say it out loud." She scoffed.

"No." Johnny spoke, eyes furrowed. "That's one of the most important things I've heard anybody say." He looked resolute. "Being someone is the most important thing we can do. It’s why we have this head,” He tapped against his, “With its desires and opinions and voice." She looked at him as he spoke, putting something she could not really pin down, into words. Tangible, with nowhere to hide from them. "It's important to be someone real, not just what you think you are for people." His voice dropped low, like he was afraid of breaking something.

"Yes." She breathed out, "When you know who you are, you can allow yourself to be understood." Johnny smiled at that.

A tender silence fell between them, one of contemplation. The waves came close as the tide rose. She released her knees to sit back, feeling cramped from the position. She sighed, relaxing into the night.

"And the second?" Johnny asked after a while. She turned to him, the context lost on her. "The second guy you dated." He clarified. Her eyes lit up with the epiphany before she looked back down, tracing the geometric patterns on the towel under them with her eyes.

"It was someone I met when I had only just started working." She picked at the piece of lint that disrupted the flow of the patterns. "It was fine till he thought I never had time for him." She smiled sadly to herself, looking back up at Johnny once she pulled the thread out. "I didn't mind when he broke it off. There was nothing I could do. He wanted a girl who would take care of him— I hardly take care of myself most of the time. We just weren't a good match." She didn't feel regretful.

"How long ago was that?" He tried to sound casual, she knew that. But the anxiety in his eyes gave him away.

"Four years." She didn't hesitate.

"You haven't been with someone for four years?" He coughed the moment he realised that he sounded too shocked. She smiled at his careful efforts.

"No." She shrugged, "I let myself get busy with work. I found myself enjoying a walk in the park by myself or a late night movie alone. It was little things at first, and then I realised." She gave him a smile, "I genuinely enjoy my own company." She chuckled as the long held thought manifested into words.

"That life sounds good." He chuckled. Johnny looked down at the towel, finding his own piece of lint to fiddle with.

"It is." She assured him. She paused, taking a breath as a thought that had been scratching against the edges of her mind inched closer.

Her eyes fluttered over his features; the full pucker of his lips, the soft curve high curve of his nose. He focused on the way his hair rested on his forehead and his eyelashes framed his lids, brushing against his cheeks as his eyes stayed on the towel.

She thought about the red tie he wore at dinner and the way he kissed her in front of both their friends just to prove a point. She remembered the way he smiled at his friends, and the way he playfully teased Mark. She pictured him, alone in a new apartment for the first time, wanting home

She took a small breath, something clicking into place inside her, "And then I met you." Johnny stopped fidgeting with the towel, looking up with a look so vulnerable that a conditioned panic rose up her throat. She quelled it, deciding that she didn't need the reflex. "And I think for the first time I realised that life could also be content." Her breathing picked up, the vulnerability she suddenly felt no doubt reflected in her eyes. "And I think I also just found an answer to your question." A smile played on her lips.

He furrowed his brows at her, tilting his head like he didn't know what she was talking about.

"I like gestures." Her lips grew wider, "I want someone to show how they feel about me. I find action romantic." She paused again, closing her eyes and ignoring the burn on her cheeks as she spoke the next sentence, "Gestures that would seemingly go unnoticed, small acts that aren't meant to prove anything other than just being." She raised her palm, gently touching his face, "That's what swept me off my feet."

She finished her confession, waiting for him to say something. Johnny searched her eyes, still looking for something.

"You haven't been with anyone in four years." He assessed the words, "You've only been with two people in your entire life." He repeated her words.

She gave him a nervous nod, unsure of where this was going. After the high of her confession started to fade, she realised that there was a possibility that he didn't want all the things she did.

"Do you want to be with me?" His eyebrows knit to impossibly close together.

She tried to hide her nerves with a jab, "I was sure I was speaking to you just now." She joked. Johnny put a finger under her chin, lifting it and staring at her with a serious expression.

"(Y/N). He pleaded softly.

"Without a shadow of a doubt." She felt a weight lift off her chest when Johnny's eyes finally lit up.

"I will cherish this like the privilege it is." He promised, "Cherish you." He pulled in closer, finally kissing her. She put her palm on his chest and pushed gently, Johnny sat back willingly. He wrapped his arms under her knees, bringing her closer to him. He kept his hands in place as she slowly explored his body with her hands. He kept still as she explored his mouth with her tongue.

With a slowly building resolution, she brought her fingers up to his neck, tugging him to her, trying to get that much closer. He finally moved his hands, grabbing her waist and pulling her into his. She sighed in relief, surrounded by his warmth and scent. Her hand slipped to his shoulder, pulling him closer. His chest pressing against hers as she pressed her tongue against his. Her other hand landed on his thigh and when she dragged her nails on the trousers his hips bucked up. She smiled against his lips, feeling victorious she ground her hips into his. She heard him groan, his arms moving up her waist. She did it again. He slipped his arms to her thighs, before stroking back up again— silent encouragement.

She sat up a little further, arching her back till she was impossibly close to him. Her fingers went into his hair for leverage and she rolled her hips again. Johnny pulled back from the kiss with a stutter.

“(Y/N).” He growled his warning, she took the chance to kiss down his jaw. He raised his head to give her access, groaning. “I’m going to cum into my pants like a teenager.” He tried to warn her off. A soft whine left her lips the moment she thought about that, only rolling her hips with more purpose. Johnny laughed, a deep throaty laugh that made his adam’s apple bob as her lips brushed against it. She licked the skin gently. When he said her name then, it was a defeated whine.

He was so hot like this. So hot that it felt like she wouldn’t be able to stop even if she wanted. She slipped a hand down his chest, brushing it against the strained bulge in his pants. He grabbed her wrist, making her laugh softly against his shoulder blade.

“Please.” She whispered, his fingers loosened their grip but stayed around her wrist. She lay her palm flat on his cock, rubbing it up and down. He let her hand go with a defeated huff, putting both his hands behind him to lean back. She watched his face, the anguished crease of his forehead, the way his lips parted and then closed when he swallowed, his eyes squeezed shut.

She slowed down her pace. Johnny opened his eyes to look down at her. Despite the situation, it was her breathing that picked up under his gaze.

“Do you want to cum?” She asked him, she felt him twitch under her palm. For a second he didn’t respond, only watching her with those eyes— like he would devour her if given the opportunity. Both their rapid breaths became the only sound between them, he raised a brow at her. She bit down on her lower lip. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t move. All he did was watch her, waiting.

Finally she took the liberty, moving her hand again. He inhaled sharply, eyes fixed on her. She increased her pace.

He threw his head back after a moment, his throat bobbing, “(Y/N), fuck.” He groaned as his hips bucked again, his cock twitching. Then she felt it, the spreading heat.

“You came in your pants.” Her voice was a mix of surprise and pride. He sat back, his eyes impossibly dark, his brows still furrowed. He grabbed the back to her neck, bringing his lips to hers. He devoured her like his eyes had promised, kissing her with fervent urgency.

He pulled away too soon, getting up from the ground. She watched as he adjusted his pants, his jaw setting hard when his fingers brushed against the wet patch on the front of his pants. He gave her his hand after he finished, hoisting her up.

“I’m going to return the favour.” He warned, “Let’s go.” He pulled her away.

Johnny tapped his index finger against the reception desk, the pace of it increasing with each passing moment. She felt apologetic towards the man who stood on the other side of the desk, staring at the computer screen in front of him.

“I’m sorry, sir.” He looked up, repeated exactly what he said moments ago. “All our rooms are booked up. Between the wedding and seasonal crowds, there is nothing. I can’t even see rooms that are currently on hold.” His voice was of professional regret.

Johnny ran his fingers through his hair, the frown on his features growing. She felt herself rub her thighs together.

“You don’t have a single empty room in this entire place?” He was trying to be polite, she knew that. He kept his voice leveled and tried to sound more like he was coaxing than demanding. But the frustration that was all over his face was justifiably intimidating. The man tapped his pen against a notepad.

“We have the pool villas on the other side of the property–” He started.

“I’ll take it.” Johnny reached for his pocket, taking his wallet out.

“Wait,” She tugged his arm, “This isn’t necessary. Johnny.” She felt the guilt rack over her. He gave her the smallest smirk.

“Don’t back off now. You started this.” He exhaled through his teeth, handing the card to the man behind the desk with his eyes on her.

A thought occurred to him, making him turn back to the man at the front desk, “Just make sure it’s as far away from the one booked for the wedding couple.” Johnny gave the guy a meaningful look. He nodded at him, a smile forming on his lips when he turned to swipe the card.

The walk was an excruciatingly long one. They took the beach to keep the route as swift as possible. (Y/N) held her heels in her hand and his jacket around her shoulders. Despite her insistence that she couldn’t possibly feel cold by the beach, he wrapped her in it anyway, a smirk on his lips. It currently brushed against her thigh, somehow longer than her dress.

“I can’t believe you did that.” She groaned when she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “An entire villa.” She groaned again.

“Do you want this?” He stopped walking suddenly, turning to her with soft eyes. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want. I’m fine with just talking to you, I love talking to you. I know you haven’t had sex in a while. Don’t feel like you have to because of this.” He shook the keycard in front of him.

“Of course I want to do this.” She spoke before he finished. “Have I not made that abundantly obvious?”

“Then don’t worry about the place, it doesn’t mean anything.” He reassured her, turning to start walking again.

“I just feel like I forced you into this.” She grimaced. He took her hand in his squeezing like he was silently telling her off for thinking that.

“If I don’t fuck you right now I’m going to go crazy.” He said it casually, missing her hitched inhale, “I know you feel the same. Kneading into me on the beach under the open skies. I told you, don’t back out now.” He turned to burn his heated gaze into her, “I’ve spent days losing sleep over imagining how you look naked under me. I just didn’t want to do it anywhere. You deserve better than that.”

A tortured noise came from her throat, reluctantly she let the matter of the villa go. It was the most reckless and illogical thing he could do. But everything about this week felt so quixotic that this might as well have happened too.

Her heart started picking up when Johnny pulled into the steps of one of the villas on the row of them that stretched across the beach, walking up the stairs with her hand still firmly in his. The door beeped when he tapped the card on the handle and then they were inside a dark room that looked too big. She dropped her heels on the floor. Johnny flicked a light switch by the door, illuminating the entrance.

Stairs went up a few feet in front of them, the seating area in front of them leading to french doors on the other side that spanned the entire expanse of the back wall.

Johnny leaned down to brush his lips against her temples, her eyes fluttering shut. "How about a dip in the pool?" His voice was liquid velvet. At his words, she noticed the reflection of a pool outside the glass. She wanted to say no, pull him upstairs instead. "Ever since I saw you swimming the other day, I haven't been able to get the image of it out of my mind." He chuckled into her hair.

She turned to him, "You have very specific fantasies." She noted mockingly.

"I like to think of it as an extension of knowing exactly what I want." His fingers slid down hers, "Plus," His lips brushed over her eyes. "I promised, remember? When I finally get the chance, I would take my time with you. I promised to be slow and agonising." His other hand pushed her hair back, light fingers skimming against her shoulder and making her shiver.

"Johnny." She whined in protest, earning a chaste kiss on her forehead.

"You have some much needed retribution in store." The words filled her with dread and anticipation.

"Can't you just punish me later?" She gave him wide eyes and a soft pout.

"You think that helps your cause.” He chuckled, “But you're only making things worse for yourself." He warned, "You made me ruin my suit." He reprimanded.

"You seemed to like it." She mumbled, looking down at the floor.

He slipped a finger on her chin, making her look up at him, "And you will like what I am going to do to you as well." He coaxed, a look of devious vow in his eyes.

Then his eyes turned darker, furrowing his brows. "So take off your dress. Let's go enjoy the most of this place I was forced to take because of your lack of self control."

"You told me not to worry about that!" She smacked his shoulder in indignation, making him laugh.

"You don't need to worry about it. You just need to know that you willingly pushed me off the edge of my self control." He wrapped his arm around her waist and he walked away, guiding her to the doors on the opposite side of the building.

Johnny took off his suit slower than she’d like, in retaliation she didn’t touch her dress till he was done. She watched intently the whole time, watching as he took off his tie; then very slowly unbuttoned his shirt— something she urged to do herself. She dug her feet in place instead, eyes tracing his chest. She had seen his arms before, felt his chest under her palm a few times, she knew she was well built. But, as he peeled the shirt off his shoulder, nothing she could picture in her head could do justice to the man who stood in front of her. She swallowed, realising after that, yes, she was literally drooling while staring at his body.

After he took the shirt off, he looked up to her face. She snapped her eyes up to his face like she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t. Amusement danced in Johnny’s eyes but he didn’t speak. She kept her eyes fixed on his face as she heard the rattle of his belt. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, pulling out every inch of free will she had to keep her eyes in place as his pants fell to the floor. He stepped out of them, keeping his gaze fixed in hers as well. Then he frowned, bending down to pick up his pants.

He neatly placed his clothes on a chair, pointing an accusatory finger at her clothed body after. “Why is that still on you?” His voice brushed against her skin even from the distance.

She willed herself to keep her eyes glued to his face. “I’m considering your constructive criticism. Trying to exercise more self control.” She kept her voice surprisingly steady, metally patting herself on the back.

“Oh?” He stepped closer to her, “And you think now is the time for you to learn that?” He tilted his head, his gait predatory.

She raised her chin in defiance, giving him a nod.

“Where was this self control when you had my fingers deep inside you in a car on the highway, hmm? Or when you needed me to kiss you right outside a gathering of people we both know?” He came and stood in front of her, brushing his fingers where her dress met her thighs. She focused on the wild look in his eyes, trying to ignore the chill his fingers sent down her spine.

“I told you,” Her voice came out throaty. “I’m learning.” Johnny smirked.

“Alright.” He hummed, pushing her arms up. She didn’t resist. She didn’t resist when he peeled her dress off either. She tried to ignore the heat that rose up from her chest to her face when he looked at her body, resisting the urge to bury her face in her hands. Johnny took his time drinking in her frame. She bit her lip. When he looked up, his eyes looked bored. “We’ll see how long it lasts, hmm baby?” Her toes curled at the purr in his voice.

“I want to kiss you.” Johnny said from the other side of the pool. She hummed. He narrowed his eyes, “Come here.” He wasn’t asking. She moved across the water, her bra sticking uncomfortably to her chest. He pulled her close to him, “Do you want me to touch you?” She hummed again. He held her chin in his hands, “Words.” His voice licked up her spine.

“Yes.” She breathed out.

“Where?”

“Everywhere.”

Johnny took a sharp breath, tongue running across his lips. Her eyes drifted to the movement, looking back up seconds later.

“But?” He narrowed his eyes, suspicious of her intention.

She smirked, “I won’t touch you. Not till you ask.”

“Wretched girl.” He gave her a wicked smile, “Where have you been all my life?” He sighed, reaching his lips down to her neck. He licked a strip up her neck and she gasped out loud, her head falling back. He looked back to grin at her, before turning her around and going back to her neck. She rested her head back against his chest, jumping with a yelp when he grazed his teeth on the skin behind her neck. She felt him smile against her skin.

“As someone who claimed that time is their luxury, you sure are generous with it.” She winched when he bit down on her shoulder, soothing the skin with his tongue.

“I’m a very generous person.” He whispered, brushing his tongue on the shell of her ear.

She hummed, “So I see. Though I wish you were more generous about certain things over others.” He bit her earlobe, she mewled.

“I thought you wanted to learn self control?” He kissed behind her ear.

“Yes, but you seem like a man thoroughly well read in the subject.” She whined, “You can be exempt from this lesson.” She tried to keep up with his words while his mouth kept up its persistence.

“I would prefer to lead by example.” He bit the back of her neck, she clenched impossibly hard.

“And I would prefer you inside me.” She groaned. He laughed into her hair, kissing her spine lazily.

She pulled away from him with a frown, turning to look at him, “Johnny Suh, I swear to god!” She huffed, he shifted to kiss her lips. She huffed against his lips, both annoyed and aroused by his incessant antics. He was seemingly an expert at it, bringing her just to the brink of irritation before driving her wild with need. She kept her hands firmly at her side, the urge to touch him making her light-headed.

In the meantime, his hands touched her bare skin. Her back, stomach, waist. He brushed his fingers on her abdomen, where the elastic of her bra dug into her skin, the thing felt like a hindrance.

He pulled away from the kiss, a pleased look in his eyes. “Not even a little graze. You’re a diligent student.” He lifted his now swollen lips.

Anger flared inside her, only making her want him more. “You’re a dick.” She pulled away from him, but he touched her arm and drew her back till her back was on his chest again.

“You deserve a reward for your tenacity.” He put his hand flat on her stomach, circling around her navel with his thumb.

Then he slowly took his hand lower.

Every nerve in her body fired up in anticipation. She shivered when his thumb grazed the skin just above the elastic of her underwear, she huffed. She felt his other hand sneak between them, unbuckling the clasp of her bra. She sighed very audibly when it slid down her arms, too busy feeling the relief of it’s removal to feel shy at the moment.

“This,” His voice barely a breath. His palm grazed one of her breasts. “I’ve been waiting to do for a while.” He rolled her nipple between his fingers, she bucked up closer to his touch. His other hand brushed over her underwear, she dropped her head back to his shoulder. He slipped his fingers in to graze a finger up her slit, then down— his touch featherlight. She felt like she could weep. He parted her folds, the cold water around them touching her warm clit, making her grasp and also reminding her where she was.

“Johnny.” She said through gritted teeth. “Please.” Her voice dissolved into a moan when he pressed his finger against her clit hard.

Every nerve in her body felt like they had been lit on fire deliberately. He drew slow circles around the bundle of nerves. She lifted her hands instinctively, remembering her claim and putting it over her mouth instead.

“Touch me, (Y/N).” He whispered in her ear, the sound akin to a plea as he plunged a finger inside her. She didn’t have the sense to hesitate, threading her fingers through his hair.

She would have cum in moments, had he not been so distressingly slow. This slow, she felt every graze, every joint and every curl. When he added another finger, he remained loyal to his pace. The pressure between her legs felt unbearable.

“You’re so tight.” He groaned against her temples, “I’m going to make you feel so good, baby. I’ll make your long wait worth it.” He parted his fingers inside her, opening and closing till she felt her walls ease under his efforts. “I’ll make sure you feel good.” He kissed her temple, his thumb pressing into her clit, flicking the hood with his blunt nails.

Her orgasm built up slowly, so slow that she felt every twitch and every muscle tightening. She moaned out his name and he connected his lips to her, rubbing a thumb on her nipple which the other continued it’s ministrations on her clit. All of that combined with his fingers pumping slowly inside her felt too much. She felt moisture prickle on the corner of her eyes— tears of relief as her legs shook and her orgasm crashing through her body in multiple waves. She squirmed in his hold, grabbing his wrist to make him stop. He obeyed, bringing both his hands to her waist, turning her back to face him.

“How do we feel?” His face one of concern, his eyes soft, all traces of the menace he was moments ago tucked away. She gave him a smile.

“Good.” She confirmed, “Great.” She sighed.

Johnny gazed at her face for a second, “You’re so beautiful.” He stated. His brazen ease leaving her cheeks hot.

“So are you.” She laughed to herself.

“I think I’m rather handsome actually.” He grinned, “And sexy.” He winked.

“So sexy.” She was compelled to agree, closing her eyes and knitting her brows. Like the idea was too much. Johnny grinned a little more.

“Want to go upstairs?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“I genuinely thought you would never ask.” She frowned at him. He took her chin in his fingers to give her a chaste kiss, before lifting her in her arms.

“I can walk!” She looked up at him with wide eyes.

“I am aware.” Was all he said as he got out of the water.

“So put me down!” She felt herself blush.

“No. I know you can walk, I want to carry you anyway. It’s for my benefit. I want to enjoy the view.” He winked. She groaned and put her hands on her face, burying it in his chest and mumbling something. “What was that?” His voice was cocky.

“You like embarrassing people. It’s a deplorable habit.” She lifted her head to repeat herself and then hid her face again. Johnny just laughed.

He dropped her on the bed, an eager grin on his face as he pulled her closer to the edge of the bed. He raked his eyes over her body, like he was trying to memorise her features.

“Can I eat you out?” When he looked back at her face, his playful grin was replaced with an intent gaze. Johnny sat down on his knees on the floor at the edge of the bed. She sat up and scooted closer to the edge, placing her feet on the floor and giving him a meaningful look.

“Johnny.” She looked at him seriously, “Listen to me. You’re absolutely without a doubt the most considerate lover I’ve ever encountered.” She put her palm on his cheek, he nuzzled into the touch and she mirrored the content smile that spread on his lips. “You’re very sweet and very charming.” She rubbed her thumb on his cheek. “But, I swear to god.” She laughed, “If you don’t put your penis inside my vagina right now, I’m going to slap you silly.”

“Is that a promise?” He raised his brows, trying to tease despite the blood that rushed into his face.

“Johnny!”

He laughed, “Alright, alright. I’ll give you this considerate dick.” She groaned at the words, rolling her eyes. “But there’s something I want to ask you first.” His eyes moved away from her face to look around the room.

“What?” She swallowed.

“I have to be in Hong Kong after this trip. It’s part of the reason why I got the week off.” He paused, shaking his head. “That’s irrelevant.” He scoffed, running his hand through his hair and taking her hands into his. “I’ll be there for a month. But when I come back.” He paused, releasing a nervous exhale and looking at her with soft eyes, “I want to see you again. I want to take you to my favourite restaurant, and then I want you to see you some more.” They both blinked at each other, the silent contemplations of vulnerability.

Johnny sat back, “I was going to wait to say this. But I don’t think I can, I think I’m a little whipped for you. Especially when you tell me to put my penis into your vagina.” She shoved his shoulder, a sound coming from her lips that were a mix of a groan and a laugh.

Johnny laughed too. “I told you,” He spoke after their giggles died down. “I want to court you. And I meant it.” He smiled at her.

“You’re such a romantic aren’t you?” She smiled, feeling somewhere between the hope and dread that she had heard came with real feelings for a person. “One condition.” She looked at him.

“Yeah?”

“If you make me walk up the Vessel I will leave you there.”

The smile he gave her made her shiver, “Deal.” He gave her a lopsided grin, pushing back from her.

He stood up, motioning her to go up to the pillows with his index finger. She complied with a victorious smile. He put his knees on the mattress, crawling up to cage her body. He looked down at her with a smirk, searching her face.

“Ready?” He murmured. She nodded shyly, the boldness from moments ago already dissipating under his gaze. “When I saw you at the gym the other day, the unsolicited thought that plagued me was what you’d look like under me.” He smiled down at her, his words making her heart pick up it’s pace. He dropped his arm to his elbow, using the other to hold her cheek and kiss her. It was a brief kiss, but one that felt so impossibly intimate that her toes curled and goosebumps erupted all over her skin.

He kissed down her neck, taking a nipple in between his lips as his finger looped around the edge of her underwear, her fingers combed into his soft hair. He dragged the piece of fabric down till her shin and she kicked it off. When his hips ground into hers she gasped his name. He shifted his focus to her other breast, grinding his hips into her again and making curse words stumble out her lips, she wanted him to take his off too. His fingers parted her folds, teasing her hole with his thumb. She fisted his hair, her back lifting off the mattress. He stopped suddenly, pulling away and sitting back on his knees. She was already forming her annoyed response when he spoke.

“I need to go get my wallet.” He spoke like he remembered something.

She sat up with an incredulous expression, both their faces flushed and breathing shallow. “What?” He breathed out, a little too dazed to keep up with him.

“I took condoms from the gift bag we gave Doyoung today. They’re in my wallet.” He ran his hands through his hair, still breathing fast.

“Oh.” She blushed, “Go.”

She sat in silence for a second, the air conditioning making her skin prickle. As her breathing calmed down, a smile spread across her face, then a soft laugh. There was something so incredibly thrilling and comfortable at the same time about Johnny. She remembered his face when he realised he didn’t have his wallet, covering her mouth to muffle her laugh.

When she heard footsteps come up the stairs she bit down on her lips too hard.

“What’s so funny?” He walked into the room, wearing just his briefs and looking so utterly irresistible.

“You.” Her laugh escaped her lips.

“I don’t know how to feel about you laughing at me while we stand here, very naked.” Even while he joked, his eyes explored her body with hunger.

“You aren’t naked yet.” She pointed at the piece of clothing that had overstayed its welcome.

“We can change that.” He tossed his wallet on the bed, leaning over to honour her request. “Will you take the condom out?” He said absentmindedly as he kicked his briefs off.

She turned to the square of black leather, swallowing and looking back up, “I don’t think I should touch your wallet.” A nervous laugh came out in the form of a huff.

Johnny gave her a look of amusement, “I ask you to be my girlfriend and you think touching my wallet is going too far?”

For the shortest moment, she was too distracted by the view of his naked body; his dick spring up to his waist— angry red and too big. The next moment, his words seemed to register in her head.

She looked up at him, looking lost. “You want me to be your girlfriend?”

The laugh that left Johnny’s lips was of incredulous frustration, “Yes.” He said patiently, “I thought I was transparent but I guess something got lost in translation.” He teased with sarcasm. He gave her an endearing smile, “(Y/N) I think you’re fucking incredible and I want you to be my girlfriend.” He came closer towards the bed, “Now will you please take that pesky condom out so I can show you a very compelling reason why saying yes is in your best interests?”

She scrambled to grab the wallet, opening it to search for what he wanted.

“The pocket in the middle.” He pointed, close enough to do it himself but still standing still. She was very aware that he was absolutely naked— she was too, but between the two bodies, his was the one she wasn’t used to seeing. It took her longer than she was proud of to finally produce a string of foil packets, at least five.

“You came prepared.” She stared at them for a second before tearing one off.

“I’m an optimist.” The words made her laugh, throwing her head back. She handed him the packet, holding it in her hand firmly even after he grabbed it. He looked up at her in question.

“I do,” She inhaled, “for the record.” She felt a little dizzy.

“What?” He furrowed his brows, looking down at her.

“Want to be your girlfriend.” His eyes grew slightly, before he smirked.

“Are you sure you don’t at least want a demo first?” A smile tugged at his lips.

“No, I think I’ll take it. Something tells me the parts work fine.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence.” He leaned into her, kissing the corner of her mouth before pushing back to look at her again. He smiled, kissing her in earnest after that.

“Up.” He spoke against her lips, standing back up and lifting the foil packet. She scooted up to the pillow. A frown fell over Johnny’s features for a moment as he thought about something.

“This could be a bit uncomfortable. You haven’t done this in a while and I’m a little–” He paused then laughed, a little embarrassed. “I’m not trying to be cocky. I just don’t want to hurt you.” He explained.

Her eyes drifted to his dick. She swallowed a lump forming in her throat, as her eyes wandered over the thick veins on his shaft, the red tip— he was big. It seemed to twitch under her scrutiny, despite herself she thought she could feel her mouth water a little. Johnny stood and waited patiently. She dragged her eyes back up to his face.

“Just go slow.” She requested.

“Of course.” He nodded, tearing the packet open.

She lay back on her elbows, watching him sheath his cock. She rubbed her thighs together. When his knees dipped the mattress, she looked up at his darkening eyes.

“Now. Where were we?” His predatory gaze zeroed in on her face as he managed to cage her under him again.

He kissed her deeper this time, she craned her neck to facilitate his endeavour. One elbow propped him up while the other caressed her side, making her shiver and reach out to grab his shoulders. Everything about him in the moment felt too perfect for her fragile mind to completely grasp. The way his back flexed under her touch, his smooth skin, his intoxicating smell and his soft, plush lips all made her feel like she was bursting from the seams.

He pulled away from her lips, a pout falling on her face at the sudden lack of his lips on hers. He laughed, kissing the corner of her mouth and plunging two fingers inside her easily. Her eyes fluttered shut as her lips parted softly.

“Relax a little for me baby.” He urged her, his voice a low hum. She wanted to tell him that it would be unfathomable to even ask her that when he looked at her like there was currently no one else in the world. But she gave him a quick nod and exhaled softly, easing her muscles into the bed. He popped his fingers out, plunging them in faster.

“That feels good.” She mewled as her words made him pick up pace.

“I can’t wait to feel what it's like to be inside you.” He added under finger, her legs twitching from the sensation. “Do you want to cum like this?” He asked. The vigorous shake of her head she gave him made him laugh, she wanted him inside her. “Alright.” He pulled his fingers out and despite it being her request she whined, her eyes fluttering open. He brought his fingers to his lips and she was sure that she was about to go insane as his tongue poked out to lick them.

He entered her slowly, his eyes cemented on her face. She willed her eyes to stay open as he entered her, she wanted to see him. The feeling of being filled this excruciatingly slow made her toes curl, Johnny bit his bottom lip. She could feel him fill her so completely, every little crevice slowly brimming with the sensation of him. Her fingers dug into his back. Johnny’s eyebrows furrowed, his lips parting softly. He stopped, searching her face for an answer to a silent question. When she nodded a choked sigh left his lips, slowly he went deeper. Her back arched as she felt him so deep inside her, her body dissolving into pure nerves and sensation.

“Just a little more.” His voice was strained, the veins on his neck tight. She gave him a nod, her eyes fluttering closed when she finally felt him balls deep. Johnny sighed, falling closer to her body, littering kisses all over her face, her neck. “Such a good baby. Taking me so well.” He licked her clavicle. “You’re so tight, (Y/N).” He whined against her neck, “I think I’m going to lose my mind.” He sighed, staying in place and giving her the time she needed.

She wanted to remember this feeling forever, of feeling so full. Sex hadn’t been something that felt intimate to her before, it was an impersonal act of pleasure when people became creatures of basic instincts.

Yet, everything about this moment felt more intimate than anything she could recall. The soft look in his eyes, the patience of his movement, the feeling of him inside her. She wanted to weep into her shoulders and hold him in her arms.

“Move.” She whispered in his ears, kissing the lobe softly. He whined again, shaking his head forcefully.

As he pulled out, they both gasped. His next thrust was smoother, the one after that even more sure. Her hand dropped to the sheet from his shoulder, fisting it till she felt pinpricks on her knuckles. He pulled back, balancing his frame of a single elbow, the other grabbing her waist. His thrusts got harder as he maintained his slow pace.

“Fuck.” She gasped, forehead gathering in focus.

“I’m trying, baby believe me.” He groaned. She opened her eyes, a mix of a chuckle and a whimper leaving her lips at the grin on his face.

“I like when you call me that.” She admitted, “Baby.” She whined as he seemed to find an angle that hit the right spot inside her, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Yeah?” He groaned, “You like being my baby?”

She nodded.

“I’m going to take such good care of you baby. Now and for as long as you let me.” He kissed her neck, his dick twitching inside from his own words. She moaned his name softly.

“I think I’m going to.” Her face twisted.

“Look at me, (Y/N). Touch me please.” He growled.

She forced her eyes open, “I don’t want to scratch your skin.” She pouted, he snapped his hips and she gasped.

“Yes you do, and do I. Hold me.” He cooed, bringing his arm up to brush her hair away from her face. She obeyed, his hand going to his back— her nails digging into his skin.

Johnny moaned her name. “Can I go faster?” His brows creased further, the words a plea.

“Yes.” She gasped out, “Please.”

She clenched around his as her orgasm shattered through her body. Johnny’s face fell into her neck, gasping as her walls clenched around him repeatedly. His thrusts got sloppier and quicker as he reached his own high, her name a repeated symphony on his lips.

His body relaxed on top of her for a moment, the weight thrusting the air out of her lungs even though she was certain it wasn’t the full extent of it. He left a string of sloppy kisses on her cheek and neck till a giggle bubbled to her throat, his own chuckle was a throaty one.

When he pushed off her, she was starkly aware of his absence. The next moment, he put his arm around her waist and dragged her close to him. She suddenly felt shy, her eyes focused on his chest, tracing her fingers. He laughed his breathy disjointed laugh she was coming to adore, embracing her closer to his chest. He kissed her forehead, his thumb caressing her back.

“What is your go-to meal after a bad day?” He hummed against her hair.

She looked up at him, a quizzical grin on her face. “That’s the first thing you say?” She scoffed.

He laughed again, “Well I already took a giant leap of faith before sleeping with you and asked you to date me after knowing you exactly five day.” He squeezed her frame, “So I thought I’d lighten up the pillow talk.” She scoffed again, but her cheeks tinted red.

“Anything that takes me over an hour to make would do.” She answered his question after a moment’s thought. The look he gave her made her laugh, “Here me out. I usually listen to music, or maybe a podcast. It’s an hour or more of not thinking about anything other than the task at hand, and in the end there’s physical evidence of your labour. Evidence that is also delicious.”

Understanding seeped into Johnny’s eyes. He smiled at her with a nod, “I think I get it.” She kissed his chin.

Day 6

Johnny stirred awake with a tug on his shoulder, squinting as the morning light first illuminated his view. (Y/N) smiled down at his sleepy face, standing over him.

“Why are you already out of bed?” His voice was a sleepy groan of protest, pouting his lower lip.

“We’ll be late for breakfast.” She explained.

Johnny gave her a relaxed smile, “Who cares? Come back in bed.” He turned over to grab at the air between them.

She breathed out a light laugh at his antics.

“Come on! Don’t you want a cup of coffee?” She tempted him.

“I want you more.”

She cursed her heart for picking up at something so cheesy, a humorous groan coming from her as she cringed at his words. Johnny rolled over to lay on his back and laughed.

“Okay fine.” He surrendered, sitting up and letting the sheet fall to his waist, “But on the condition we come back and get right back.” He patted the mattress.

Her eyes roamed his chest, wondering just how this man was currently naked in front of her. Then she registered his words, “You want to keep the villa?” She blinked.

“Yeah. How else am I going to do the things I want to you?” He asked like it was obvious.

Her breath stuttered, “Fine. But you let me pay half of whatever fortune this place costs.” She gestured to the room with her arm.

“No.” He rubbed his sleepy face.

“Johnny.” She tried to reason.

“Please,” He whined. “I want to take care of you.”

She chuckled, sitting on the bed beside him and putting her fingers on his cheek. “You can do that in other ways. In ways that matter more. I can afford to pay for it, that’s something I’m immensely proud of. So let me?”

He chewed on his lips for a second but nodded at her, her smile growing wider.

Breakfast was a mistake.

She had made it a point to text Joohyun about where she was last night. It was to ensure that her friends weren’t under the assumption that she drowned in the ocean. Upon entering the restaurant, she suddenly wished she had drowned.

A chorus of claps with a few cheers came from a set of tables in the corner of the room. A few other guests and Doyoung and Sooyoung’s parents turned towards the commotion with confusion.

“You were right.” She grabbed Johnny’s arm, “Let’s just go back now.” Johnny laughed at her reddening cheeks.

“Let’s go get some coffee.” He reminded her. She wanted to groan.

It was with a lot of reluctance that she walked up to the corner where their collective friends sat together, grinning at the both of them. She tried to hide behind Johnny, but he just put his arms on her shoulder.

At the moment, she hated him.

“Well well, look who decided to finally show up.” Yeri laughed. (Y/N) turned to bury her face in Johnny’s shoulders.

“We were all making bets about whether you would show up or not.” Yuta sniggered.

“I didn’t want to.” Johnny shrugged, “(Y/N) insisted we come for the coffee.” He raised the hand in which he carried his cup.

“Wow, this must be serious if Johnny Suh wanted to skip his morning caffeine.” Taeil poked at Haechan who nodded with mock surprise.

“Guys.” Johnny frowned before he changed it to a grin, “Don’t tease my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?!” Seulgi and Jungwoo shrieked together. The rest also had surprise etched all over their face.

“Kill me.” She groaned, trying to get Johnny’s arm off her shoulder but he didn’t budge.

Johnny just shrugged, no sign of hesitation or regret on his face. “When I know, I know.” It oddly comforted her.

“Alright, we’re going to go find something to eat.” Johnny waved at them.

“You will come back right here so Joohyun and I can grill you, understood?” Sooyoung’s threat was meaningful. “You have another thing coming if you think I’ll let you dazzle our best friend into this without a thorough interview. Okay?” (Y/N) had to admit, even she felt intimidated by the expression Sooyoung had on her face. Johnny swallowed, turning to give (Y/N) a look that begged for help.

She just gave him a shrug, “You brought this upon yourself. Also, they have the standing authority on this, I can’t do anything about it.”

“You don’t think it’s too soon to be her boyfriend?” Sooyoung spoke after she took a sip of her juice, “And don’t turn to her with every question.” She snapped, Johnny jerked his head back to face Sooyoung. “(Y/N) is very capable but she isn’t all that experienced with dating.”

“Sooyoung.” (Y/N) sighed.

“I don’t intend to overwhelm, (Y/N). I just think we’d be good together.” He shrugged.

“Don’t you think it’s a little soon to be so sure of that?” Joohyun’s tone was softer, but the question was no less blunt.

“No, not for me. If she decides later that it was then it’ll be an honest effort on both out parts. I was merely honest about my feelings.” He dropped his cutlery and looked up at them both confidently. (Y/N) lifted her hand to squeeze his.

“Damn.” Jungwoo mumbled, “He’s good.”

“Will you choose her over work?” Sooyoung followed.

“Sooyoung.” (Y/N) warned.

“What? You should know these things!” Sooyoung huffed.

“He doesn’t need to pick anything. These things can exist in tandem, I’m not going to ask anybody to pick me over something they’ve built for years, that’s unfair.” She furrowed her brows.

“(Y/N)–” Johnny turned to her.

“No. Don’t answer that. If you asked me the same question I’d kick you.” She was still frowning, Johnny’s lips turned up in amusement.

“Fine.” Sooyoung surrendered.

“I’ll never do anything that hurts her.” Johnny said softly, giving Sooyoung a reassuring smile.

“He really wouldn’t” Doyoung urged Sooyoung, “Johnny doesn’t have an inconsiderate bone in his body. He gave up a very important merger to come for our wedding. Something he has to go to Hong Kong to fix.”

“He once cancelled on a big client because I broke my arm and didn’t have anyone to drive me to the hospital.” Mark added.

“Guys.” Johnny mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

“She’s slandering you, dude. Let them say it.” Haechan chimed in.

“It’s not slander.” Johnny sighed.

“She is my wife.” Doyoung glared at Haechan.

“I see that we’ve decided to attack me now.” Haechan slinked away.

“I know what I’m doing, Sooyoung.” (Y/N) reassured her friend, a gentle smile on her face.

“Good. Because if he hurts you I’ll kill him, but I’ll also break your bones.” Sooyoung said with a smile.

Doyoung gave Johnny an apologetic look.

“That could have gone better.” Johnny finally spoke when they left the restaurant.

“She’s just a little protective. Don’t mind her, she’s always been the one who worries about me the most, when I moved for University, I’d spend all my holidays at their house because going back home was too expensive. Her mother is like a mother to me.” She stumbled over her words.

“I want her to like me.” Johnny’s smile was a little sad.

“She will.” She reassures, “She does. Sooyoung’s just being all business to intimidate you.” She scoffed. If Johnny wasn’t convinced, he didn’t push.

“See you in a bit?” He smiled at her instead.

She entered the room she shared with Joohyun to pack her bag. She found Joohyun sitting at the small table across the room, when she saw her she stood up.

“I’ve come to take my stuff.” (Y/N) paused, blushing. “I– , uhh, we’re sharing a room.” She looked to the floor. She didn’t know why it felt so strange to talk about this. Her friends knew her completely, her secrets, embarrassments and her insecurities.

(Y/N) sighed, “Sorry. Talking about these things, about a guy. It’s still very new to me.” She laughed.

Joohyun came up to her, “Are you leaving because you’re mad? I swear Sooyoung didn’t mean to come on so strong. You know her, she knows you’re smart and that you won’t do anything unless you haven’t thought it over. But she thinks you’ll be hurt and go back to avoiding relationships. We all want you to be happy, that’s all.” Joohyun let the torrent of words out.

(Y/N) gave her a smile, feeling very touched, “I know that. I’m not angry at all, that’s not why I’m going. I like him, I really do. I don’t avoid relationships because I’m scared of getting hurt, I just wanted to find someone who I can be in a relationship with.” She hugged Joohyun, “I love you guys, and I’m so glad that I have people who worry about me this much.

“I like him.” Joohyun grinned when they pulled away, “I think you make a good pair. Enjoy your youth, (Y/N).” She squeezed her shoulders making (Y/N) snort.

“Alright, mom. You guys are acting like you’re losing me. Don’t worry, you’ll still be number one for me.” She grinned.

“He makes you happy?” Joohyun questioned.

(Y/N) thought about that for a moment: Johnny’s effortless attitude, his unapologetic honesty and unabashed intimacy. She thought about his teasing and his affection.

“He does.” There was confidence in (Y/N)’s voice.

“Then you have all of our blessings.”

When (Y/N) walked into the villa, Johnny was sitting in the sitting room, crouched over and deep in some thought. He turned to look up at her, giving her a soft smile and patting the space beside him.

“Should I be worried?” She joked as she put her suitcase to the side and sat down.

“I don’t think it was right to rush you,” He breathed in. “In hindsight.”

She huffed and sat back, “Do you also believe that I’m not capable of making a decision that works for me?” Her back deflated.

“No that isn’t what–” He looked away.

“You asked me. I considered it, and I realised that I like the idea. Asking isn’t rushing. Sooyoung wasn’t there so I can let it go. You were.” She turned to face him.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve just been thinking about it.” He groaned, pushing a hand through his hair before stopping to consider a thought. He took a glance at her, “For sometime now, I’ve been very aware of the fact that something’s been missing in my life. I try not to ponder over it because it felt futile. But getting to know you,” A smile tugged at his lips, one he pushed back. “You seem like someone who belongs in the crevices of my life.” He looked down at the couch, “But that isn’t fair to you. You aren’t a clog, you’re a person.”

“Johnny–” Her voice was soft.

“The idea of what you can be for me is not something I am allowed to impart on you.” He sighed.

“Look at me.” She brushed her fingers on his cheek. He fluttered his eyes up, devastatingly vulnerable in the way he looked at her. “We’ll figure it out. You aren’t wrong for doing anything, we just need to try so we can replace ideas with who we actually are. Hmm?” Her voice was warm.

“I just feel like, I’m giving you something you don’t need. You seem like you’re absolutely fine the way you are.” His smile was sad.

“People shouldn’t need other people. They should want them.” She furrowed her brows, “I think that’s why I like you so much.” Her cheeks dusted pink at the confession. “You’re your own person, and you happened to want someone in your life. Not because you feel empty, but because life can be fuller than it is now.”

“You don’t think that’s unfair?” He questioned, eyes widening.

“No. I think it’s perfect.” She laughed effervescently, taking his hands into hers. “We complete ourselves, another person can only compliment us. A person can be whole in their own right, but life feels better when you have that whole to share with others.”

There was a silence between them for a moment that didn’t press down to stifle. They watched each other, slow and deliberate.

“I’m a dumbass.” Johnny said suddenly, the words after the long silence making her laugh out loud, “And you’re officially the smartest person I know.” Johnny came closer, his nose brushing against hers.

“Smarter than you isn’t smartest.” She joked. His jaw fell open, sarcastic shock on his face. She smacked his shoulder, he laughed.

“You know.” His voice was suddenly deeper, eyes darker. “If my inferior brain is recalling correctly.” She giggled at his words, “I think I have an overdue task from last night.” He hummed.

She squinted her eyes, giving him a questioning side eye.

“I said I’d eat you out.” He licked his lips.

Johnny lay on his side, looking up at her. She lay on her stomach, propping her abdomen up on her elbows. Johnny’s fingers brushed up and down her bare back in a slow rhythm she was getting used to.

“I once worked on a policy for two and a half years, only to have it tabled.” She smiled without humour, still bitter at the memory.

Johnny winced, “Okay that’s definitely worse that mine.” He confessed. “My worst experience at work was when I flew to Sydney for an emergency in under an hour of the phone call, only to have the IPO delayed. I didn’t even end up getting the client.”

She grimaced, both of them laughing.

“Sucks doesn’t it? When you realise that you break yourself repeatedly for things that end up not mattering in the larger scheme of things.” She sighed.

“What you do matters.” Johnny sounded indignant, “You just can’t see it in front of you because the kind of change that has any real consequence is slow.”

She snorted, “You know the majority of the time I do things that are purely performative? So companies can pretend they’re more progressive than they are?” She snorted again, looking away from his eyes to the sheets under her. “It pays better to have no morals apparently.” She scoffed.

“You’re saying that to an investment banker.” He sighed, turning over to face the ceiling. He snaked his hand under her, pressing her flush against his side, “I really started working thinking I’d be different, that I’d help new companies get the genuine backing they deserve. Now everytime I liquidate a failed business, I get one step further from the person I wanted to be.” His eyes drifted to somewhere distant. The air conditioner whirring back to start automatically filling the silence of the room.

She watched his throat bob, traced the lines of his face with her eyes. “Growing up sucked.” She whispered. Johnny smiled, giving her a distracted nod. “But it’s a part of it. You have to liquidate, cut their losses. It’s the burden of being in the position of making the tough calls.” She tried to comfort him, knowing too well how the disappointment of not living up to your expectations felt. He held her tighter, squeezing the non-existent space between them.

“You too.” He gave her a look, “Just because companies are performative doesn’t make you so.” She gave him a look of genuine gratitude.

A phone call had cut their moment of bliss short. Johnny apologised profusely for some work that was thrust on him. Repeated assurances later, she told him that she’d get some left over work done too. That seemed to reassure him, both of them spending the rest of the day in bed with the sound of laptops clicking in tandem. His presence was as comforting as it was reassuring, it was never easier to be busy in company.

A little after noon, her phone rang.

“Yeah?” She asked Jungwoo.

“Don’t you want to have lunch? I get that you must be busy, but at least store up on some food for the gymnastics you’re no doubt pulling.” She could practically picture him wiggling his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes, “No, we’re busy.” She stated.

“Yes, that’s what I said-” Jungwoo clicked his tongue.

“With work. Office work.” She added the last part to avoid any room for confusion. Jungwoo seemed at a loss for a moment, uncharacteristically silent. A snort left her lips despite herself.

“Is this some kind of very specific foreplay?” He finally managed to say.

“I’m hanging up on you now.” She deadpanned.

“Have fun.” His voice was sing-song to annoy her.

“Who was that?” Johnny looked up from his screen to ask.

“Jungwoo.” She scoffed, “Want to order some lunch?” She asked and he gave her an affirmative nod.

Day 7

Sooyoung looked like she was going to break down into tears. Both Doyoung and (Y/N) juggled between words of reassurances for her and glaring at Johnny.

“(Y/N) was supposed to walk down the aisle with Haechan. You were paired with Seulgi.” She gave Johnny a defeated look. Sooyoung stood at the edge of the balcony of her room, in a hotel robe. The makeup artist was running late and Johnny’s simple request to accompany (Y/N) down the aisle sent the nervous bride off the edge.

“I will walk with Haechan, Sooyoung.” (Y/N) urged her, really not wanting this to be the thing that ruined the morning of her wedding.

“No.” Sooyoung blurted, pausing to tug at the skin around her thumb with her teeth. Seulgi got up from the bed to tug her hand away— something Sooyoung had made her promise to do to save her manicure. “We can do this.” Sooyoung looked up, light filling into her eyes. “You aren’t the best man or maid of honour. It’s fine, it’s completely fine.” She sounded too cheerful. “Taeyong will still walk down with my sister first.” Taeyong gave him a quick nod.

“Sooyoung–” Doyoung’s voice faded, a little concerned.

“Are you sure?” (Y/N) winced.

“Yes.” Sooyoung smiled, before laughing. “It’s my wedding day. Irrespective of who walks with who. I’m walking out with the love of my life.” She laughed again. Doyoung stuttered, looking away as his cheeks flushed red.

“Fine. I’m giving you what you want.” Sooyoung turned to Johnny, who gave her a grateful smile, “Consider it an apology for threatening you yesterday.” Johnny grinned, giving her a nod.

“Now go.” She turned back to Doyoung, “This is bad luck.” She stated.

The next time (Y/N) saw Johnny, she was ready to tell him off for the stunt he pulled in the morning. But, and she absolutely blamed the setting they were in, when she finally saw him she couldn’t bring herself to do anything but give him a shy smile.

It was a perfect afternoon despite it’s hold ups. The tide was higher than anticipated so they had to shift the aisle to a flower garden that overlooked the beach instead of the sand. The blooms of many colours complimenting the blue and white motif Sooyoung had chosen better than the initial beach.

Soft music played as Johnny walked up to her, giving her his elbow to put her arm into.

“You look beautiful.” Johnny whispered into her ear.

“You too.” She said, making him laugh.

Even as they reached the end of the aisle and went to opposite ends, he kept his eyes on her. They held their gazes until the music changed, announcing the bride’s arrival. (Y/N) looked down the aisle to her best friend, her face lit with abundant happiness and looking more beautiful than a goddess in her wedding dress.

She turned back to glance at Doyoung, a weight lifting off her chest when she saw his eyes rimmed red. She knew Sooyoung deserved no less. The sight was one of hope, of the possibilities of a future, of contentment. When she turned back to Johnny, he was staring at her still. The chairs shuffled as Sooyoung reached the end of the aisle, everybody sat back in place for the ceremony to begin.

Johnny’s lips spread into a slow smile when their eyes met.

Epilogue

(Y/N) walked into her office on an early fall morning, a month after coming back from the wedding, to find what looked like an arrangement of candy.

“What is this?” She asked her assistant who looked up and then beamed at her.

“You tell me. It’s for you!” She sounded excited.

(Y/N) came closer to the thing, too large and too well arranged. She picked up the card tucked under a box of strawberries covered in chocolates.

‘Because you don’t like flowers, chocolates were the next cheesy thing I could think of. I’m back and I realised on my way to the airport I didn’t take your number. Dinner? - Your maybe boyfriend, Johnny.’

Her lips tugged as she tried not to smile too much. Her assistant’s phone rang, making her turn away rather reluctantly.

“Hello?” She looked up at her boss, pointing the phone at her. “It’s for you.” She walked up to the receiver, taking it from her assistant.

“Hello?” She asked.

A small groan whispered from the other end, “I’ve missed your voice.” She had to grab the desk. “They told me the gift was delivered so I thought I’d call. Your assistant told me you come in after nine.”

She felt a little at loss, “How did you get this number?” She questioned.

“My assistant did actually, very kind of him. He found your organisation and then your office.” He sounded proud. “I had to do something since I didn’t even remember to take your phone number.” He huffed.

“You could have just asked Sooyoung.” She laughed, avoiding her assistant’s face as her eyes lit up. She pointed at the arrangement before pointing at the phone, mouthing something that she assumed was a question. (Y/N) gave her a nod.

Johnny clicked his tongue, “I wanted you to give me your number. Incase you had second thoughts.” He paused, “So?” He questioned.

“So what?”

Johnny sighed, “Dinner, (Y/N). You and me.” He broke down the sentence, she grinned.

“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate.

It was an early spring night when (Y/N) had gotten home from work. She took off her shoes and dropped her bag to the floor with unfocused motions. As she reached across the sitting room, her phone rang. She had to go all the way back for it.

“Hmm?” She spoke into the device, a little surprised herself by the fatigue in her own voice.

“That bad huh?” Johnny chuckled.

“They tabled it again.” She sighed, trying to level the shake in her voice and blink away the tears that threatened to spill. There was a silence on his end, she heard the echoes of his walking cease.

Then his steps picked up again, “I just got off work.” He said casually. “I’m coming over to eat whatever you’re going to make.” She laughed at his words.

“I can’t believe you remember that.” She grinned.

“I’m a good listener.” She should practically hear him shrug, “And an excellent boyfriend.” He reminded her, she heard the smile in his voice for real this time.

When (Y/N) answered the door, Johnny gave her a smile. Lifting the box he was carrying.

“You liked the cake from this bakery, so I thought I’d pick one up. It’s cream cheese. I got an almond croissant just in case you didn’t.” He gave her a peck on the lips as he walked into her home. “It smells amazing.” He beamed.

She smiled at him, unsaid words of gratitude on her face that he seemed to understand. He shrugged off his coat, hanging it beside hers and then loosened the tie around his neck.

“It’ll take an hour for it to finish cooking. I’m done with it otherwise.” She announced.

Johnny took a few steps closer, arm snaking around her waist, “I can think of a few things we can do till then.” His lips brushed her ears.

It was an afternoon in late autumn. Johnny picked up a box of cookies from an aisle, looking it over for a second before putting it into the cart.

“A year I’ve known you, and I still can’t get used to how you will pick up literally anything while shopping.” She poked his ribs. Johnny put his arm around her shoulders, shrugging.

“It looked nice.” He mumbled.

“What if you don’t like it?” She questioned.

“I won’t know unless I try it, will I?” He hummed.

Her huff was a silent yield.

“Do you think I should get the liquid detergent or the powder one?” She questioned, eyes focused on the bottom aisle with the culprits in question in her line of sight.

“What’s the difference?” Johnny sounded confused, standing beside her and following her gaze like it would help answer his question.

“Liquid feels nicer, and is generally easier to use. Powder lasts longer.” She explained.

Johnny hummed thoughtfully, “Liquid sounds like the better bet to me.” He answered like the choice was an obvious one.

She huffed, “You act so spoiled sometimes.” She said incredulously. “I’ll have to get two if I get the liquid because I won’t have the time if I run out of detergent mid-week.” She stomped her foot slightly. An amused smile spread on Johnny’s face. “Two is heavier.”

“It’s just cloth soap. Get two if you have to, I’m going to carry it to your apartment anyway.” He snorted when she gave him an unconvinced frown, “And since it’s obvious to me by now, take the powder since that’s what you would have taken away.”

(Y/N) seemed pleased, turning to pick up the packet of powder detergent.

Johnny huffed, “Brat.”

She placed the bag in the trolley, turning to him with a raised eyebrow, “Excuse me?”

Johnny scoffed, “That doesn’t work on me. Save your intimidating gazes for work and the people who get too close on the subway.” He raised his brow back.

Her lower lip stuck out as she looked a little flustered on being called out like that. Johnny laughed stepping closer to her.

“Brat.” He reaffirmed.

“Shut up.” She tried to hold back the whine as her cheeks heated up, “I am not!” She nudged him with her elbow.

“Don’t deny it.” He reprimanded, grabbing the string of the hoodie she wore to draw her closer, his hoodie. “You’re cute. But a brat nonetheless.”

“Oh my god.” She groaned with embarrassment. “This is why Mark refuses to go out in public with you anymore, do you know that?.” She pushed him away.

“See?” Johnny chuckled, pointing to her actions as proof of his statement.

She laughed, “Fine!” She sounded exasperated, “I am then. What will you do? Spank me?” She scoffed. She expected him to drop it, instead something shifted in his gaze.

“(Y/N).” His voice dropped lower than her stomach at his voice.

“Yes?” She intended to sound casual, instead her words came out a squeak.

“Would you like me to spank you?” He put a hand on her waist.

Fuck. She thought. The buzz of the lights above them and the occasional voice over the speakers along with the murmur of people made her very aware that they were inside a supermarket.

“Would you like to spank me?” She deflected his statement.

He squeezed the hand on her waist, making her jump slightly. They were in a supermarket on a Saturday afternoon.

“That’s not what I asked.” He snapped softly. She bit her lip at the authority in his voice. “Would you like it?” His eyes burned into hers.

Slowly, she nodded at him. Chewing her lips, she decided that now was a better time than ever to test a suspicion she had for a few months. “I’d love it, I think.” She paused, her heart beating and her cheeks burning with a mix of excitement and mortification. “Daddy.”

She wanted the ground to swallow her. Instead Johnny groaned with such delicious desperation that her stomach flipped.

“You.” He took a slow breath, taking another dangerous look at her. “Are going to pay for that.” The words struggled their way out. “Fuck, (Y/N). I can’t believe you just said that.” He combed his fingers through his hair, the words were somewhere between a growl and a gasp.

“Me neither.” She squeezed her eyes, groaning at her own horror.

“Let’s go home.” He huffed, “I want.” He paused, “I need to go home.” He slipped his hand to hers, holding it and giving it a squeeze.

She almost said yes, her breathing too shallow for her brain to have the adequate oxygen for coherent thoughts. But she sighed, shaking her head like she was trying to shake away the fog.

“You know I don’t have a costco card. I need to finish shopping. Otherwise I’m going to run out of dish soap mid-week” She begged, disappointed at her own conscientious response. To her surprise and Johnny’s credit, he nodded. Taking a step back, Johnny ran a hand through his hair, fixing his denim jacket and then giving her a soft smile like nothing ever happened.

She stared at the aisle out of her reach, the box of tea she was looking for on a shelf beyond her reach. She glanced back to find Johnny looking intently at a label. She scoffed. The only time he was particular about what he purchased was coffee and wine.

She glanced back at the aisle, deciding to risk the attempt at stretching up to get it while he was occupied. She didn’t want to hear the teasing at the moment. She was just out of reach when his arm wrapped around her, lifting up to assist her effort. She looked at him when he placed her back on her feet, bracing herself for the smirk. But his eyes were still glued to whatever coffee he was trying to scrutinise. She frowned.

“Are you seriously thinking of getting grocery store coffee?” She asked him.

He looked up at her with curiosity on his face, “I don’t remember the last time I had some.” The disgusted face she gave him made him laugh. “It says it’s decaf, so I thought i’d get it to try.” Her expression twisted further.

“Please you’re breaking my heart right now. It’s pre ground as well.” She looked affronted. Johnny laughed, putting the bag back where he found it.

“This is why I love you.” He chuckled, walking towards the trolley.

“You what?”

She wanted to slap herself. He said it so casually, like it wasn’t the first time he had said that; while she felt like every single inch of her was firing up.

Johnny sighed, like he sensed her panic. Coming closer towards her and taking her hand in his. “I don’t expect you to say it back immediately, say when you mean it. When you know you feel it too.” He paused, “Or don’t. Either way, I had to let you know how I feel.”

She had to kiss him, grocery store with a weekend crowd be damned. It was a reassurance, telling him that if he was already there, she was on the way.

It was late in the night in the middle of winter. It snowed outside while they sat wrapped in a huge blanket in front of Johnny’s fireplace. He kissed the back of her neck, her head tilting to the side for his benefit. Their skin was warm against each other and it was easy to forget that it was the coldest night of the year.

“I have to be in the capital next week.” She said as his lips started their journey down her spine. She shifted, turning to him. “I wouldn’t have gone, but I have a meeting with someone and I think I can get an education bill squeezed in.” She put a hand on her chest.

“Okay.” He gave her a smile, too generous.

“I’m going to miss your birthday.” Her eyes drifted, pained.

Johnny’s smile didn’t falter, his arms tightening around her waist and raising her higher on his lap. “I can fly in for the day. You can take me to that chilli place you claim is the best you’ve had. I still think the place in Chicago is better, but we can wait for you to have that.” He chuckled, before his eyes turned to something more tender, “I don’t care where I am or what we do, I just want to spend it with you.” He stated.

She kissed him with such sudden urgency that he almost fell over, an arm quickly going behind him to keep them both steady.

She pushed back, a wide grin on her face, “I love you, you know that?”

“Of course.” He hummed, unfazed seemingly by the confession.

She understood why, there were times when words truly were unnecessary in the face of other things. She kissed him again, arms wrapping around his neck to tug him closer to her.

It was an early summer morning when (Y/N) rolled over in bed. Johnny’s arms pulled her closer wordlessly, a small huff leaving her at the sudden movement.

She rolled back to face him, “I can’t believe it's already Monday.” She sighed, pushing the hair out of his face. Johnny sighed, as the words slowly registered in his sleepy head.

“Don’t go.” His voice was a soft huff.

She chuckled, “I have to go to work.” She brushed her knuckles against his cheek, a small pout forming on her face nonetheless.

“No.” He paused, looking at her carefully for a moment, “I mean don’t go back to your apartment. Move in with me.” He turned over to lie on his side, still looking at her.

“What?” She felt caught off-guard.

“It’s closer to your work. I have that costco card you covet so much.” He grinned. “And you know what a fabric conditioner is.” She snorted at his words, making him grin. “Plus, I have a coffee grinder.” He said like it was a grand prize— and he was right.

His hand went to her face, thumb brushing her upper lip and his grin turning into something softer. “We both know time is a luxury for us. I want to spend each moment I can with you. I want to come home to you and wake up to your face every morning.” His eyes traced over her face.

“Every morning?” She smiled.

Johnny hummed with affirmation, “Every morning. Someday I’m going to bite the bullet and ask you to spend the rest of your life with me.” A lopsided grin formed on his face when her breathing hitched, “But for now. Just move in with me.” He questioned.

She felt a little winded, his confessions always as effortless as his very disposition. But with him she had learned something, love was supposed to be exactly that— effortless.

“Okay.” She nodded, “To the moving in.” She added, “The rest we can discuss at a better time.” Johnny smiled, giving her a nod and pulling her back into his arms.

#unintended consequences #johnny #nct #johnny scenarios #johnny smut #nct au #nct scenarios

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little-dragon-stories · 3 years

Text

When life forms a full circle

What happen when Kim Namjoon, single father of twins, meet his university crush as the teacher of his precious little ones?

W.C. 12 372

Pairing Kim Namjoon and female reader

Warning: none! This fic is just cuteness overload (maybe a bit of anxiety but nothing much.

This fic is a collab between me and my dear princess @aspaceformyself @aspaceformyselffics09, without her, it wouldn’t have been that good! Thanks a lot my princess! I love you <3<3<3<3<3

Dear Mr. Kim,

Here it is! Already the first day of school of your precious little ones!

Let me introduce myself! My name is Y/N and I will have the privilege to be a homeroom teacher for your kids, for their first year at the Blooming dale Kindergarten school. I am so excited to meet your children and team up with you for their first steps as a ‘big kid’ :)

In this email, you will find everything you need to know to get ready for the big day. From the school material to the class behavior code, take the time to read it all with your little ones.

To start this year on a festive note, I along with a couple of other teachers are organising a small event to help the kids get to know each other and also warm up to us teachers. I would thus like to invite you with your children on their first day of class. On the site, many games will be organised along with snacks for everyone.

Please, join us on monday, (date)

I can’t wait to meet them and start this year together.

Y/N Y/L/N

++++++++++++++++

Namjoon blinked at the message once, twice and thrice.

It was 3 am in the morning and judging by his red eyes and unkempt hair, it’s easy to deduce that Mr. Kim Namjoon barely got any sleep since god knows how many days. He pushed himself up from his chair, waddled down the hallway into the kitchen, fetched himself a bottle of water and plopped in front of his laptop once again. The past few days at work had been crazy for him. And today was much crazier. After a rollercoaster ride of juggling between his work and his kids, he finally got a moment of peace for himself. And just as he thought of finishing up more of his work, his eyes began to droop and found himself passed out on his desk only to be awakened by a notification waiting for him in his email.

“Ugh,” Namjoon groaned to himself and hurriedly typed out a reply. This is when he saw it again, the message that you sent him 2 weeks ago. He was so drowned out in everything that he almost forgot his precious 5 year olds are starting kindergarten tomorrow. It seems as if it was only yesterday, that he was changing their diapers and bringing them to sleep, comfortably wrapped against his chest in the big rocking chair. And here he was, reading emails from the school where his babies would be starting classes tomorrow. Time flies so fast. The mere thought of his kids taking their first steps in this world, made Namjoon’s chest flush with emotions to the point his eyes felt watery.

“Dammit Namjoon,” He thought to himself, “This is not the time to get all teary and emotional about your kids, it’s 3 am in the middle of the night!” But nonetheless, he was proud and more than anything he was happy. Overwhelmed, he did the first thing that came to his mind and grabbed his cell phone resting on the desk.

“You better tell me you’re dying, it’s 3 am!” Jin’s voice slurred through the other end, not impressed. But on the other hand he answered before it even rang twice, which means, he guessed Namjoon would be calling him at his wits end and he was ready to answer. Namjoon smiled sheepishly to himself. It was such a Jin kinda gesture.

“Wait, don't say anything, you’re overwhelmed because tomorrow it’s the twins first day of school ?” Jin asked before Namjoon could get any words out.

“How did you know, hyung?”

“Namjoon - ah you’re forgetting we enrolled our children together.”

“Right” Namjoon snorted.

“So, on a scale of 1- 10 how anxious are we?”

“Am I that obvious hyung?”

“Kim Namjoon, I live 10 minutes away from you and I can hear your thoughts overflowing all the way here.”

“Right.”

“So?” Jin asked, “Gonna spill or do I have to make you spill?”

“That won’t be necessary hyung”, Namjoon laughed, “I’m gonna spill.”

Namjoon sucked in a deep breath before he dived in.

“The thing is, I know how they’re excited to start school. I know they are ready and will be doing just fine. But, at the same time, I don’t want them to be hurt or sad and I’m afraid I won’t be around them to be able to comfort them. What if they are mocked? What if they hurt themselves? I won’t be there to help and worse I won’t know about it… I know their teacher will certainly be there for them, but she’s not me, you know. She’ll have so many kids to take care of… Hyung… Just the thought of them being away from me and hurt makes me so sad and scared. I see their excitement and I want to be excited too but I’m just scared. They are so small. They are my precious babies… Also, Namu needs time before he’s comfortable around new people, it’s not so easy for him to adapt to new situations”

Jin was quiet for a while and Namjoon worried the line disconnected before he spoke again.

“Namjoon - ah trust me when I say this. I feel you. I’m shit scared my little DaMi might get hurt too. But you know what,” Jin added in a tone softer than before, “I think they are ready. We should trust them and ourselves.”

“Is this your gut talking to you?”

“I don’t know, could be,” Jin chuckled, then sighed, “it’s okay to be scared Namjoon - ah. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Are you scared too, hyung?”

“Yah! Who do you think I am?” Jin’s voice boomed through the phone, “I’m Kim SeokJin, I’m never scared of anything.”

“Then why are you up so late hyung?”

“You know...Uhhh, I’m prepping! I’m prepping Dami’s lunch box for tomorrow!”

“Hyung, the school is arranging lunch, it’s a school party, the first day celebration.”

“Then I’m preparing her clothes for tomorrow!”

Namjoon laughed, “Whatever you say, hyung”.

“Okay, Namjoon, I need to go. I have so much to do before the morning arrives. But before that, how are you feeling now?”

“Hyung, before that hold on, who signed the email? Who’s Dami’s teacher?”

“I don’t remember, wait, I’ll check”. Scrolling his phone, he found the information.

‘Her name is Y/n”

‘NO WAY! Dami will be in the same class as the twins. How cool is that?”

“That’s so nice! They will all be able to count on each other. I’m so grateful, Dami won’t feel alone in the big class”

“Oooh, I thought you were not scared of anything…”

“I… I’m not”

“Yeah, sure.” Namjoon giggled, “ See you tomorrow, hyung. And for the record, I feel much better. I hope you do too.”

“I was always cool with it, you know. See you tomorrow Joon-ah. Give them a kiss from uncle Jin when they wake up. We’ll meet there”.

“Will do. Hyung… Last question… do you think their teacher will love them as much as we do?”

“She cannot love them as much as we do Namjoon, no one can. As a parent, the love we have for our little ones cannot be compared. But I’m sure that if she decided to be a teacher, it’s because she loves kids in general and therefore, we have no choice but to trust the fact that they will be treated with much care. But you know, our kids are lovable, they will be the teacher’s favorite!”

“Damn, you’re right! Thanks Hyung. I feel much better now”.

“Anytime Joon, preferably during business hours” Jin teased.

“As you were sleeping”

“Yeah, yeah! See you Joon-ah”.

_____________

Morning came way too fast for Namjoon’s liking. He barely had closed his eyes after he spoke with Jin, his fellow ‘Single dad club’ friend as they like calling themselves before he was awakened by two noisy kids racing up to his bed and jumping on him.

“Appa! Namu will have a pancake!” Little Namu straddled Namjoon’s chest while his twin sister Nam Young followed behind equally enthusiastic, “And Nam Young will have a sandwich and omelette!”

Namjoon groaned in his sleep, shaken awake by the sudden intrusion. Slowly squinting his eyes open he glanced at the clock next to him. 6:25 am it read. Lazily scooping both his kids in his arms, Namjoon sat up.

“Morning little monsters,” Namjoon greeted them fondly, kissing their faces and holding them close to his chest.

“Dad! Leave us alone!” The twins giggled, “We’re not babies anymore! Don’t hold us like babies!”

“Noooo!” Namjoon whined holding them closer than before, “You’ll always be my babies! Don’t even try to make me say otherwise! Even on your wedding day, you’ll be my babies. You better get used to it right now”.

“Please appa, don’t call us like that at school”

Sniffing the air, a sweet smell tickled Namjoon’s nose. And before he could wonder where the smell came from, another pair of tiny footsteps echoed in the room and then another little girl jumped Namjoon.

“Uncle Namjoon!” She squealed, throwing her arms around him. Namjoon struggled to hold her tight in addition to his kids already in his arms.

“DaMi!” Namjoon’s face stretched into a smile, “When did you get here princess ?? Where’s your appa?”

“Kitchen!!!” The children sang all at once, “He’s making us yummy food! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

“You guys need to get down though”

“Appa nooooo, hold us!” Nam Young pouted followed by Namu and DaMi joining in on her.

“Fine, aye aye captain,” Namjoon sighed. Seriously, he’s way too whipped for the kids to say no. Scooping the kids in his arms with the three of them hanging on to him, Namjoon rose from the bed and made his way through the hallway, into the kitchen.

When he entered, he was greeted by the sight of Jin behind the oven skilfully taking care of a frightening amount of poelons and cauldrons at the same time. How he never burned anything always remains a mystery for Namjoon.

“What a nice surprise!” Namjoon exclaimed, “When did you guys get here by the way?”

“Don’t mention it! I was not lying when I told you I was prepping their lunches last night. Besides, it kept me away from overthinking,” Jin’s half admitting his anxiety was somehow touching for Namjoon who came beside his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. Both were ‘losing’ their babies this morning and the thought of it made their heart twist.

“We got here at 6 am!” Dami exclaimed from where she was perched on Namjoon’s shoulder.

“Aaaaw, did my little Dami wake up that early?” Namjoon cooed at her, then turned to Jin,“Well, it’s a wonderful surprise. Thanks a lot hyung.”

“How many times have I told you that we would be the perfect couple, Kim Namjoon? I was not lying! You would have these breakfasts each morning” Jin teased his friend.

“I might consider the offer,” Joon joked back.

The children jumped down from Namjoon’s embrace and began to set the table in a chaotic but efficient manner. As efficient as the kids can get. In no time, the cutlery was set, and all gathered together before a delicious breakfast prepared by Jin.

No sooner did they finish their breakfast, the kids raced past Namjoon and Jin to gather their belongings as the adults cleared the table and cleaned up everything. Soon, everything was in order and Namjoon and Jin found themselves all packed, in their respective cars ready to drive to school all prepared to welcome their kids to take their first steps as the big kids.

Concentrated on the road, Namjoon didn’t pay attention to the kids for a couple of minutes. Lowering the music, he realised that the atmosphere suddenly changed in the car. He turned his attention to what was happening in the back seat while still driving.

“... you’ll see Namu, we’ll have fun. Plus, we’re in the same class as DaMi. We’ll be together…”

“I want to stay home with appa… he’ll be alone if we both go to school. I’ll miss appa too”

Namu tears went down on his round cheeks as Joon could see and it broke his heart into tiny pieces.

“What’s going on son?”

“I don’t want to go to school appa. I want to stay home with you. I don’t want to go…”

“Aaaaw… Namu, you forgot that for today I will stay with you guys. We’ll meet your teacher and the other kids together. I can’t wait to see your class. Meet your teacher. Play with the other kids. We’ll have fun, you’ll see. Plus, tomorrow, you’ll have only half a day to let you have the time to adapt. In no time, you’ll get used to it”

“I don’t want to meet them… I don’t want to meet Miss Y/n and the other kids. I want to stay home with you”.

“Namu is just a big baby,” Nam Young playfully teased her twin brother while wiping his tears at the same time.

“Nam Young, don’t tease him. He has the right to feel anxious. It’s normal to be when we are facing a new situation”

“I’m just teasing him appa, I wanted to make him smile”.

“You didn’t make me smile, you made me cry” Namu pouted

“I’m sorry Namu,” Nam Young said as she wrapped her brother in a hug, “… please don’t cry”.

“Aaaaaw…” Namjoon’s heart was threatening to explode with warmth in his chest. His kids were so different. Their personality was always the opposite. While Namu was more reserved, anxious and introverted, NamYoung was a child that goes to meet everyone and adapt easily to every situation. This morning was not different. If he was being honest, Namjoon was more scared for his son’s adaptation than for his daughter’s. But looking at the duo now, he feels a little assured that Nam Young will be there for her brother if needed. She may not know how to help him yet, but she tries and it makes Namjoon proud.

“We’ve arrived kids… Jin is already parked. Let’s go”.

Namu hesitated to untie his belt. It’s his sister that did it for him and as soon as Namjoon opened the car door, the little one jumped in his father’s arms. It’s with Namu sitting on his forearm with his little arms wrapped around his neck and his face buried into his neck, and Nam Young proudly walking by his side (but still needed to hold his hand) that Namjoon joined Jin. The latter helped his friend to carry their belongings and the quinquet walked their way into the school.

As they walked towards the building, Namu’s grip tightened against his father’s neck.

“It’s gonna be okay Namu,” Namjoon reassured his son with a small pat on his back, “ Appa is not going anywhere. I’ll stay with you today, remember?”

Namu nodded but didn’t seem to be convinced. The closer they went to the school, the more tense he felt his son against his chest. And by the time they reached the gymnasium, where the event was taking place, Namu burst into full blown tears.

“I want to go home!” He insisted between tears, “Bring me home appa! Please.”

Watching his son melt down into tears broke Namjoon’s heart. The group stopped before they could enter the venue and Jin led them to a quiet corner where they hoped to help Namu feel at ease. In the middle of the crisis, Namjoon heard your light footsteps coming their way.

“Oooh, what do we have here?” A soft and cheerful voice asked, “I was waiting for you guys, to complete my class” you said.

Too engulfed by his son and too anxious to notice anything, Namjoon merely looked above his shoulder and turned his attention back to his son when his cries intensified. At the side, he noticed Jin approach you, but didn’t heard the conversation you had together. It’s only when his daughter said “see you later Namu, come and join us when you feel better” did he realise that something was going on.

“Would you come with me, Mr Kim?” he felt your hand on his forearm, trying to catch his attention. “I think it will be less stressful for Namu to be in a quieter place for now. Come on”

“Nam Young…” Namjoon enquired, now turning towards the source of the voice. It was a young woman probably in her mid twenties. She had a bright and an understanding expression on her face as she spoke to Namjoon.

“Your daughter is okay, she left to meet the other kids with Mr Kim,” you said, “she even said bye to you and her brother. Come with me, please”.

Namjoon nodded and the duo followed you in a daze. You entered a light and colorful classroom filled with small tables and tiny chairs. There was a rocking chair in the middle of the class, 15 cushions on the floor. Books everywhere.

“Namu… can you look at me please?” you asked the little kid. He lifted his eyes and with a tiny sob, he looked at his teacher.

“Annyeong Namu. I’m Y/n. I’m so glad that you are here, I needed help this morning because I didn’t have the time to prepare everything” you winked at Namjoon. “I will be your teacher this year and this is our classroom”

No answer from the little boy. Sensing that Namjoon wanted to interfere, you made a sign to signify that you were in control. You needed to bond with the little boy, you know you will have him sooner or later.

“Namu, I worked all week to prepare this class for you guys. But I am not sure if it will be perfect. Would you like to help me with something?”

You had to think fast. You wanted to occupy the little boy so he would forget he was sad. Very often, the tactic worked in the past.

“No, I want to stay with Appa,” He sniffed.

Namu didn’t agree, but at least he answered you so that was a good beginning.

“But your appa will help me also, we will use him, of course” You winked knowingly at Namjoon.

Looking around the class, Namu looked suspiciously at his teacher.

“I think it’s pretty enough as it is,” he told you with a skeptical face.

With a tinkle of a laugh, you turned to face Namu snuggled up in Namjoon’s arms. This was probably when Namjoon realised there was something nostalgic about the woman in front of him. Something he couldn’t quite place or point a finger at. But, at the same time, he couldn’t quite shrug the feeling of the warmth, the familiarity that your laughter made him feel.

“Aaaaw, thanks a lot Namu!” You cheerfully smiled, “You think that our classroom is pretty! I worked so hard to prepare it all, you have no idea how it looked like, before I came in. But I didn’t lie to you though, I need your fathers’ arms. Can you get down and let him help me with the boxes you see there?”

You pointed a finger at some boxes piled up in a corner of the class. “See this? I would like your appa to give me the box that is in the middle. They’re too heavy for me. Why don’t you come with me, shall we discover what’s inside together”?

Curious, the little boy looked at his father for his authorization. Namjoon gave him a reassuring smile and told his son “Shall we help miss Y/n Namu? Come on,” and he walked with his son still in his arms towards the boxes. When he arrived, he gently put him down, the little arm of Namu lightly sliding along Namjoon’s neck. Curious, the little one looked at his father taking the first box, putting it on the floor and going that way until you said “Yes, this one. Please bring that box on the table”.

Namjoon smiled at your answer. There was not a single box that was heavy enough for you not to be able to carry them. He found that you were clever as he could see the strategy you used there.

“Here you go Miss Y/n! The box was so heavy, no wonder why you needed me with it” he smiled.

“Thanks Mr. Kim. Namu, wanna come and discover what’s inside with me?”

Curious, he ran towards the table, the excitement slowly replacing his anxiety.

“One, two, three… Tadam!!!” you exclaimed as you placed your hands on top of the box and opened it together with the little boy. Namu's smile grew big.

“Woah! This is figurines! I didn’t know I could play at school! I thought I was only here to be serious all the time!”

This time, you laughed for real, a big belly laughter that made Namjoon doubt again for a moment. Somewhere inside his head, he feels like he knows this sound, this person. But at the sametime he’s not so sure if he does. There’s a part of him that wants to ask and put an end to his curiosity but at the sametime, there’s another part of him that doesn’t want to make a fool of himself if he got it wrong. Then again, it wouldn’t be such a surprise if you turned out to be someone he knew. The world is small after all. Scratching his head, he observed you while you talked to his son. He wished his mind was working at full capacity right now but unfortunately, it was not the case at all. The anxiety caused by the big event today paired with the lack of sleep of the last weeks barely left him a working neurone. One thing was certain though, this woman in front of him loves kids and has the twist with them. You seemed to be a loving and caring person, empathetic enough to take time to create a bond with an anxious little one. Namu will be at ease in no time with you, he already seems to be. It was a relief.

“You thought we would never play?” You huffed, clearly surprised, “What’s this idea? Namu, you know what? With me, we will always play. We will use games to learn. And when we are tired of learning, we’ll play just for fun! But, but, but, you will learn so many things! You won’t even realise and you will learn. We’ll also have more serious moments of course. Tell me, do you have those figurines at home?”

“I have some, but we couldn’t buy all of them, they were not available anymore”.

“Ooooh!” you blinked at Namjoon “I have my ways to collect toys. Wanna place the figurines on the shelf you see over there? I don’t know the best way to put them. Should I sit them? Should I group them? See? I really need your help!” you said, turning to Namu.

“YES! Let me do it!” Namu lifted the box and dragged it in front of the shelfs, not realising the box was actually really light. “Shall I use the top or middle or lower shelf?”

“This is why I need you Namu, I don’t know what will please the kids. Do as you want, we’ll bring more boxes, I have more figurines”

“Yeah” the boy exclaimed happily, his eyes shining like glitter.

Turning to Namjoon, you murmured lower enough so Namu won’t hear you.

“Here we go Mr. Kim. I thought it was a good idea for him to be in his little bubble before he meets the other kids. At least, now, he will be more comfortable with his environment, it’s less overwhelming for him. I know, I was the exact same at his age” you told him. He softly gazed at his child trying to arrange the figurines as he pleased by the shelves. “When he’s ready, we’ll go to the gym where the other kids are. Want me to go check on Nam Young while you watch over him?”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not, wait”.

A short minute later, you came in and sat by Namjoon’s side as he was watching over his son with proud eyes.

“She and DaMi are already entertaining the crowd!” you smiled at Namjoon “Mr Kim is with them both, he said to take your time with Namu. So, no worry. We have a little time before I need to go there”.

“Thank you, Miss Y/n,” Namjoon sighed, relief clearly flooding through his mind and his body. His shoulders finally slouched and he let his body relax in the chair he sat in.

“Tough morning?” You asked, judging by the demeanor of the man in front of you.

Namjoon nodded, then smiled at you, “It was. It was the first time I’m going to part with my kids for a relatively long time. I’m excited for them and proud of them. But at the same time, seeing Namu so anxious broke my heart. He’s a sensitive kid, quiet and reserved. But bright and kind at the same time.”

“I can understand Mr. Kim,” You reassured him, “Maybe not understand all the nuances of being a parent but my students are like my little babies too. Please, don’t tell them I called them babies” you laughed.

“Oh lord,” Namjoon mixed in with the laughter, “I called them that this morning and they didn’t like it.”

“I can tell,” You giggled, “Anyway Mr. Kim, rest assured, your little ones are safe with me. I will always care for them and make sure they’re surrounded by a healthy and loving atmosphere while they’re at school.”

There wasn’t anything more Namjoon could ask for. It seemed that you knew how to create a bond with kids too, judging by how Namu was now playing with the figurines as he placed them. He was certainly more at ease. And as it looked like you were about to get up and go towards Namu, Namjoon finally couldn’t help but ask what was on his mind the whole time.

“Miss Y/N,” he called out to you, as he scratched his head for the nth time that day, “I apologise if this may sound weird or come across as rather creepy. But, have we met somewhere before??”

“Finally!!” You exclaimed to which Namjoon appeared startled, “ Of course we met before! I was waiting for you to recognise me!”

“...”

“It’s me Y/N from Seoul University”, You continued, “ We met from time to time during our university days”.

Namjoon still looked confused.

“Wait, remember HyunNa? She was a common friend of ours. Sometimes we met with a bunch of other people. I always loved talking with you, I have to say. You were so brilliant and kind compared to her other friends. Maybe you left a better impression than I did” you said but you didn’t seem mad at all. In fact you were smiling brightly.

“Oh wait!” It finally dawned on Namjoon, “You’re that Y/N?!”

“Yes! Have I changed that much?” You giggled, “You finally recognised me!”

“Sorry,” Namjoon laughed, “I do remember you but damn, you changed a lot! We met often at the parties. Although neither of us are the kind to party.”

“I think this is why we found ourselves together sitting outside sipping at our drinks and reflecting on the whole wide world, while the other danced and got wasted! ”

“And those midnight ice cream trips with our friends!”

“Yep! Ice cream was the best! That was my kind of activity”

“Gosh, those days seem so far away. Anyway, I didn't think I would meet you like this after years. It’s a pleasant surprise though.”

“I’m glad too, to be honest. Plus, I’m gonna be the one who takes care of your twins. What a faith!” You said, smiling fondly at Namu.

“They were good times,” Namjoon said, a soft smile adoring his lips.

“It certainly was,” You said, nostalgically, “I wonder how the others are doing right now.”

Once Namu felt at ease with his surroundings and after a while of catching up, Namjoon and you decided that it’s time to regroup with the others at the gymnasium. By the time the three of you entered the gym where the main festivities were held, the school party with the other kids had already started. Once you made your way towards the other teachers, Namjoon joined in with Jin and the other parents.

“A moment of attention please,” the physical education teacher said. It was Junkook, your colleague. “It’s time for everybody to meet with your group. Would you please group in front of your teachers please, parents follow your kids. We’ll take your presence and we’ll have a short time to get to know each other before the games start. Let’s go meet your teachers guys”.

Jungkook came to you as soon as his speech was done. You had missed the welcome speech and he wanted to tell you how it went.

“Is the little one okay, noona?” He asked, concerned.

“Yes, he was just a little shy,” You said and then added, “You took good care of my class while I was away, thanks Kookie.”

“I did, of course. And they can’t wait to meet you, they didn’t believe me when I told them I was miss Y/N,” He pouted.

“Aaaaaw! You said that? Thank you so much! You’re the best!”

“My pleasure. Luckily, you have a bunch of single fathers in your class,” Jungkook smirked, “for the single lady you are, you’ll have plenty of choices. If needed, I may help you all year long with this group, they are all pretty cute and I may get lucky with one of the dad’s myself,” He shrugged.

“Jesus Kook! Calm your hormones” you laughed. “I’ll talk to you later” you smiled at him. Ever Since he joined your school, he was the most popular among kids. Funny, dynamic and respected by everybody. You even found in him a little brother that you never had.

“Okay guys, I’m sure you all met Jungkook? He will be the gymnastic teacher this year. You can call him Kookie.”

Kids squealed and applauded, already under his charm.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you before but here I am now. And I’m so glad to meet you. Now, before you arrive, I have memorised all your names and I would like to put a face on your names. Who do we have here?”

In addition to Kim Namu, Nam Young and Kim Dami, Namjoon and Jin’s kids respectively, there were Min Jae Hyun and Min Hyun Seok, two bright kids of a young couple, Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok. Then there was Park A-Reum, daughter of a really charming man Park Jimin, whose beauty turned the heads of everyone in the gymnasium from the teachers to the staff and the helpers. There was Kim Sang Jung, whose energy was more chaotic than an atom bomb. He came with his equally chaotic uncle, Kim Taehyung. There was also a cute but extremely turbulent little girl named Kwak Bo Young whose parents didn’t bother to come for her first day of school, she came in class with her angelic cousin named Lee Min Ji. Both of them were not accompanied and they soon found themselves under Jimin and Taehyung‘s protective wings. These were the kids mainly under your small class.

“Woah! What a wonderful group I have this year! I’m sure we’ll have so much fun together!” you told them. “Before we start the games, your gym teacher, Kookie and I have arranged some snacks, so be sure to try them and enjoy yourselves. Parents too, can eat as much as you want”

Namjoon along with Jin looked around the gymnasium, taking in the whole atmosphere. Their kids have long ago ran towards the snacks leaving the two behind.

“This place is not bad,” Namjoon mused to himself, “I was pretty anxious yesterday. But somehow after this morning and right now, I feel at ease.”

“I know what you mean,” Jin added, as he signed Namjoon to look in front of them, “I don’t think we have to worry about the kids anymore.”

Sure enough to Namjoon’s amusement and happiness, both their kids seemed to have made friends with the others in their group. It was probably then, that he caught your attention and briefly sent you a smile along with a small wave.

“Ah I see,” Jin mused, smiling to himself.

“See what?” Namjoon asked.

“You know, the teacher,” He shrugged, “I saw that.”

“Saw what hyung??” Namjoon asked, still oblivious.

“I noticed a certain someone who seems all smiley and bubbly around the teacher,” Jin remarked, an amused expression masking his face.

“What do you mean, hyung? Bubbly? I just waved to her,” Namjoon said, exasperated. And when Jin didn’t budge, he added, “Okay, fine, I knew her from college. We weren't exactly close, but hung out with the same group of friends”.

“And?”

“And what?”

“And?”

“Okay fine! I probably had a tiny bit of a crush on her back then!”

At this Jin’s smile grew wider and wider.

“No no no, I know what you’re thinking and don’t you go there Hyung!” Namjoon exclaimed, “It was long ago and now’s a totally different situation.”

Jin continued to smile and looked like he wasn’t convinced but didn’t say anything more. Namjoon just continued being exasperated by his friend.

At the same time, on the other side of the Gymnasium, Jungkook approached you.

“So… what about you and Mr Kim?” He asked you as soon as you were both out of reach of the children.

“There are 3 Mr Kim in my class. You’ll have to be more precise”

“The one with the hot thighs” He smirked.

“What about Namjoon- ah?” You asked, not even realising what you just said.

“DAAAAH!” he laughed, pointing at you. “You know exactly who I’m talking about, how’s that”

“Oooh…. Well… Why do you even ask about him, there is nothing about him” you shyly answered.

“3 years now, I’ve known you for 3 years and I have never seen you blush when a parent waved at you”.

“I didn’t blush” you said, feeling your cheeks with the back of your hand. “We knew each other back then. There is nothing about him or anything. Leave me alone Kookie” you pouted.

“She’s shy, how charming” Kookie said as he laid a hand on your shoulder “I think that your red cheeks speak for themselves. Oooh, wait” and he left as fast as he arrived, little A-Reum coming his way with her appa and little Min Ji.

Looking at Kook squatting down to be at the same level as A - Reum, you smiled to yourself as you watched Kook put a bandaid on the finger of the little boy.

Soon, the games began and you didn’t have much time to think about Kim Namjoon anymore, the kids taking all your attention. They were all charming but certainly will keep you busy this year. They involved themselves in the activities with every inch of enthusiasm and energy that was hidden in their little bodies. It was a fun filled day both for you, the parents and their children. And just like that, time flew and in the blink of an eye, the day came to an end. The kids, and even Namu who was so hesitant, were disappointed to go home, but you assured them that they will be back tomorrow and it’s going to be filled with fun like today was. With hopes of looking forward to the next day, and the year ahead, the kids and their parents bid you a good bye.

****************************

“Are you sure about it hyung?”

“Oh course I’m sure,” Jin insisted on the other end of the phone, “I promised Dami I’ll bring the twins with us. She wanted it, you don’t want to disappoint my daughter, do you?”

Namjoon chuckled.

“I certainly don’t want to make my little princess sad,” He sighed, “Okay then… Are you sure you can handle the three?”

“YAH Kim Namjoon! Who do you think I am?” Jin remarked faking a playful offence, “The day is already planned and you approved all the activities we prepared. Just take that day for yourself and relax. I don’t know how long it’s been since you had a day without responsibilities. Take that time my friend, and enjoy it. You need to recharge your batteries and the kids are really happy about it all. It’s a win win situation.” Jin reassured his friend. “No worry, I know where to reach you in case anything happens”

“Yes, please. I will keep my phone with me. Call me if anything happens. Anything, okay?”

“Yes Namjoon heard you loud and clear, now stop worrying and have fun. Trust your hyung on this one, I got your back.”

Namjoon felt reassured and was even grateful for Jin’s idea. This is when he heard him laugh and say.

“Maybe you can even call the cute teacher and have some good quality time together with her,” He smirked, “I told you many times, she blushed looking at you thrice that day”

“Hyung!” Namjoon exclaimed, “She did not! And that’s all in your imagination!”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“Nope. No sir.”

“Yes it is.”

“Fine hyung, whatever lets you sleep at night,” Namjoon signed exasperated knowing his friend won’t relent to him.

Jin didn’t say anything but his laughter was enough to tell Namjoon that he was clearly enjoying this teasing. Ever since he learned of Namjoon’s little university crush on the teacher of their kids, Jin made it a point to tease him relentlessly over it every chance he has got. Now, Namjoon just learned to let Jin have his moment.

Soon after this, Jin along with Dami, dropped by to collect both the twins. Namjoon bounced around the house double checking everything just to see if the kids had everything they needed. Honestly, everything was already prepared but at the last moment, he felt hesitant. Thankfully, Jin reassured him. He now loaded all their belongings into Jin’s car with his help, hugged his little ones one last time, breathing in their smell, and made sure they’re properly seated in the car.

“Uncle Jooooooon” Dami happily called him “Can I have my kiss goodbye too?”

“Sure thing, my little princess” He opened the car door he had just closed and hugged her little frame, careful not to crash anyone with his weight. “Have a good day Dami.”

“You too uncle.”

And then with a final goodbye from both Jin and the kids, the car zoomed off into the distance.

It’s been quite a while since Namjoon got time for himself. Whether it was to just walk around aimlessly or watch a movie by himself or anything of that sort. In addition to the time, the weather also seemed to work in his favour. It was a clear day, with the blue of the sky peering over the millions that walked the planet. There were hardly any clouds but it also wasn’t very sunny or hot. Just the perfect weather for a stroll along the bed of the Han river.

Namjoon sighed, leaning into the touch of the breeze that passed him by. It’s been five long years since there was any moment of peace. Ever since the day his twins were born, everyday was a jumble of rollercoaster rides for him. Not that they were bad. He certainly did have days where he was stressed, where he thought he was going to snap from the pressure of it all. But most of all, the rollercoaster ride was still welcome. His kids mean everything to him and without them, he probably couldn’t have gotten to where he is now. The hours he spent caring for them all alone, watching them grow and bloom into beautiful human beings were certainly worth all the fatigue that had accumulated over time. After all, he will always have time to rest later.

And as he sat there lost in his thoughts, he soon noticed a familiar figure sitting by a tree and reading a book. Upon closer inspection, Namjoon realises that it was you, his longtime friend and a teacher for his kids. You didn’t notice him, you were too engrossed in your book, your brows furrowed from the seriousness of what was in the story, your mouth upturned into a pout. It brought a little smile on Namjoon’s face, because it was something he was used to seeing back when you both were in university. From the little bits he knows of you from here and there, and of the times you hung around, books were a constant. Never in his life, he thought he would meet you again or feel this familiarity once again.

As he continued to notice you and take in your presence, a soft breeze blew by you, whipping your hair onto your face. It didn’t seem like it bothered you though as you continued reading despite it. And when it happened for a second time, it was when you finally tucked your hair behind your ear and looked up to meet Namjoon’s gaze.

“Namjoon - ah” you murmured, more for yourself. You were not quite sure if he was really in front of you, still engulfed in the emotional part of the story you just read. It was when you heard his deep velveteen voice that you knew it was not your imagination.

“What a nice surprise” he softly giggled before he walked towards you “It’s nice to see you haven't changed at all after all these years. It’s nice to see you like that, like before”.

This was when he noticed what Jin was teasing him with for weeks now, the pink on your cheeks that he’s quite sure you never had in your university years. More so, around him.

“Oooh! You mean, reading all alone in my little corner?” You chuckled, “Yep! This is still how I spend my off days. My friends wanted to go for a bicycle ride but after being surrounded by people all week, I needed some quiet time”.

“Haha, I know what you mean, I’ll leave you then” Namjoon shyly said.

“No! I didn’t mean it like that. I’m actually happy to see you, come sit with me” you pat the place close to you.

“You sure?”

“Yep! Of course”

With a blinding smile, he walked towards you and sat close by.

“By the way, where are my babies?” you asked him with a concerned smile.

“Oooh, out with Jin hyung and Dami. It’s the first time I’m on my own. They will even sleep there, if I don’t change my mind and join them or kidnap them. Because they were so happy about their day, it would be a kidnapping” he laughed. “They have planned to sleep in a homemade tent on the terrace of Jin hyung’s building, I mean…. Quite an event, right?”

“Aaaaw! This is so cute!” You exclaimed, “Don’t you dare bother them” you teased.

“Yeah, we’ll see if I can stand it tonight,” Namjoon sighed as he gazed towards the sky.

“And how is Mr. Namjoon spending his day so far?” You asked playfully, wiggling your eyebrows.

“To be honest, they just left and I was just wandering around. I feel useless,” he chuckled, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Aaaaw! Single dad, not being used to being by himself” You cooed, “I’m glad that you have this day though. It’s good for you”

“You don’t have kids right?”

“Nope, it’s still impossible for a single woman to procreate by herself” you laughed, “Unless it happens by a miracle.”

Namjoon snorted at that. Strangely happy for a reason he can’t fathom. But then he also wondered,

“How do you spend your free time? Then again, how come you’re single?” he asked, almost surprised.

Looking up at him through your eyelashes, you wondered what he meant for a moment.

“This is a question I ask myself too, Namjoon -ah,” you broke into a laughter, “Where is my prince charming, I wonder!”

“Aaaaw!” he smiled at your cuteness.

“Well, to answer your question, I spent my free time with whatever I want to do. I don’t ask myself how to spend my time, I just do what I want. Then again, it’s easy for me since I have no children yet. This is what you should do today. What do you, Kim Namjoon, want to do today?”

“What if I say, I want to go have ice cream with an old friend like the old times??” Namjoon asked, “Will she agree to it?”

“This is a very good idea. You go ahead, call her” you playfully winked at him but at the same time, you were already closing your book with the same page holder you used back then, Namjoon noticed.

“I mean you, pabo!” Namjoon whined, “I don’t think I have many people I know around here or consider anyone else to be an old friend.”

“I know!” You exclaimed happily, “But wanted to tease. Oopsie.”

“Let’s get going then shall we??” He said, smiling as he stood up and reached a hand to help you. His hand was big and his grip soft but strong. You felt happy that the connection with him didn’t seem to be lost after so many times apart.

“You won’t have that horrible flavor again, right?” Namjoon asked you with a pout.

“You remember what I used to eat?” you asked him, surprised.

“How can I forget, it’s kind of noticeable”

You laughed, delighted that he remembers, for some reason.

“Let’s see if my tastes have evolved enough to meet yours” you answered. Ice cream flavor was always a subject of playful bickering between the two of you. Never on the same page when it comes to choosing it.

As you walked along a little path along the river with Namjoon on your left, you looked up at him to meet his soft smile. When did he become so handsome? He was always a beautiful person inside and out but somehow along the way, as he aged, he became even more beautiful. How come you never noticed it back then? And how was this something you noticed after all these years?

“Appa doesn’t have a lover” you remembered Namu telling you and Kookie, last week “he said his priority was me and Nam Young but I would like to have a mother” the little boy had pouted cutely.

“You have a really good appa, Namu” Kookie had answered “he’ll meet the good person for him and for you guys one day. But the fact that he’s taking his time to do so is really good”.

The class had started and you had to leave the subject like that but it kept running in your thoughts today.

“Namjoon- ah”

“Hmmmm” he said as he looked down on you, his dimples shyly flashing on his cheeks as he smiled.

“It will be the only thing I’ll say about your kids because today, I’m not their teacher, I’m your old friend. But I found it amazing how a single parent could be able to raise such beautiful human beings. Namu and Nam Young are so lovely and brilliant. They learned to care for one another but they also care for the entire class, including me. It’s easy to say that they received a lot of loving attention and that they were in a stimulating environment. I love them so much. If you ever doubted, I want to tell you that you did a good job at parenting them. I… I’m impressed”

“Oooooh” he blushed “Thanks Y/n, I mean, it was not always easy but they were my number one priority all the time and I certainly cared a lot for them.”

“You prioritise your kids over your own needs, I mean, it’s remarkable. I found it really amazing”.

“Thanks Y/n… for me it was the only thing to do”.

“It would have been the same for me, too, you know” You said as you gazed into his eyes, then shrugged, “But it’s not that obvious for everyone else I guess. I met a lot of egoistic parents in my young career, unfortunately”

Namjon’s eyes were captivating. Again, something else that you never noticed before. Maybe there were times you did notice that. Some moments in passing when you both were in university. Or some nights when you were drunk and stared a little too longer into his eyes. But you never gave it much thought back then. In fact you can count the number of times you felt something but shrugged it off immediately, thinking it wasn’t a big deal or blaming it on the alcohol. But why tho? Was it because you were already seeing someone? Was it because it felt wrong? Was it the guilt? In hindsight, It was probably the guilt that made you focus on something else. But now, as you stared into his eyes, you can feel the familiar warmth stir in your chest. A kind of warmth you’ve never felt for anyone in years after you last broke up with your ex.

“Anyway,” You abruptly turned your head to face forward. Somewhere at the corner of your head, you can feel the blush creep up your cheeks and for some reason you felt embarrassed that Namjoon might notice that, ”I think I’ll have chocolate ice cream today. I don’t feel like ‘fighting’ with you.”

Namjoon busted a laugh at that, he has a really pretty smile, “You know what,” He said, “Have whatever you like, I’m not going to judge you on that today. I just like teasing you.”

“Aaaah, Kim Namjoon! You’re such a meanie!” you pouted, then chuckled, “It’s good, I.. It’s good”.

What’s happening to you? What’s this good feeling of meeting up with an old friend and connecting just perfectly again. At the same time, what’s this bubbly, sparkling sensation tickling inside? What was that? Why so suddenly?

“Look at that,” Namjoon pointed as he came to an abrupt halt. You were so lost in the chaos of your emotions and bubbling feelings that you didn’t notice when Namjoon stopped, didn’t hear him talk to you or point at something. With your mind in a haze, you walked right into him. The tall and broad shoulders, perfect him. It was so sudden, that the collision surprised you and in an effort to steady yourself, you tried to find the right footing. But that only led you to further losing your balance and before you could blink, you found yourself falling face first onto the ground. You tightly closed your eyes, bracing yourself for the impact.

But before, you could even realise what was happening, a strong arm quickly snaked around your waist and lifted you up from falling. You don’t know how he managed to do that but you found yourself facing Namjoon, securely held in between his arms, his hands away from you in a respectful manner. As you looked up at him, your eyes met his. His perfectly shaped, deep coffee brown eyes that stared right into your soul. They were so tender and soft, that you could feel yourself sucked right into his gaze. In this moment, you didn’t mind the ‘respectful’ manners and with the excuse of holding yourself still, you placed your hands flat on his chest. His heart was beating way faster than the calm that was emanating from his firm stillness on the outside.

“Namjoon- ah” you smiled at yourself, feeling a sting of warmth in your heart, “Why is your heart beating so fast? Were you so scared that I might have fallen down?”

At this very moment, you couldn’t imagine that he could have been feeling the same warmth at your contact. It was so sudden for you, so inexplicable. Namjoon didn’t answer, he just stared at you. He too was so lost in the moment that he didn’t realise the kind of hold he had over you, nor did he realise the position you were in. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine that he would get such a close look at your face. And when you spoke, things suddenly fell in place. His eyes went wide as the realisation kicked in. His face turned a deep shade of red as he finally let you go.

“I...I’m sorry,” He smiled sheepishly, “I didn’t think.”

“What are you sorry for?” This confused you further. But decided not to dwell on it too much, “You saved me from face planting myself on the floor, thank you,” You laughed.

If saying that Namjoon was starstruck was an understatement, saying that he was spellbound would be too underrated. You have an enthralling laugh. Namjoon remembered the first time he heard it back in the university, he thought it had a distinct sound to it. Like the distant chime of a bell, like birds chirping in spring. And even now if you ask him, he would say it still had the same ring to it. Had the same effect on him. If he was being completely honest with himself, he would admit right here and right now that this sound you make when you burst into laughter, he would like to hear it every single day for the rest of his life. It just made him feel light and bubbly, calmed him down.

“You know what Y/n?” he asked as he collected himself

“What?”

“I want to make a bet with you”.

“A bet? What kind of bet?” you looked at him, not sure what he was about to propose.

“See the tree over there? The one close to the ice cream stand? The last one that arrives there has to pay for the ice cream. What do you think”

You smirked, as your expression changed in the blink of an eye and rolled up your sleeves. How did Namjoon forget how competitive you can get when bets were involved.

“Bring it on Mr. Kim!” You exclaimed as you jumped to prepare yourself. “You’re so gonna have to pay for me!”

For the nth time that day, he was reminded of how much you didn’t change over the years. How much the same old things excited you or brought a spark in your eyes.

“No way I’m paying! I’m so gonna beat you in the race!” Namjoon challenged you right away.

“Sureeeee,” You chuckled, “Says the same guy who lost all the time back at uni and paid for everyone.”

“You remember??” Namjoon asked, taken by surprise.

“How can I forget? I had a couple of free treats, thanks to you” you laughed “I mean, who will say no to free ice cream, han? You better get ready Namjoon- ah! I’m on fire today. I might be smaller than you, but I’m way faster. Ready?” you asked, still warming up your muscles as if you were preparing for an olympic competition.

“Aaaaw” Namjoon cooed “you didn’t change at all. Okay, on your marks…”

This is when things became serious for you. You position yourself in order not to miss the departure, not a single bit aware of Namjoon’s tender expression. The more he looked at you, at your cuteness over the simplest things, the more he felt endeared at you. You probably may not have been aware, but Namjoon let you start ahead of him and he ran right after you. Always making sure he kept a step behind.

When your hand finally touched the tree bark, you turned around and did your little happy dance exclaiming that you won. Just for that Namjoon thought he was in fact, the real winner here.

“I can’t believe that you won” he exclaimed but it sounded so fake, you became skeptical. Panting from the effort, you managed to say.

“Namjoon- ah! You cheated! I can see you let me win! Why?” you frown, pouting. “You’re not even breathless, how is that possible?”

“Aaaaw! Have I let you win?” he asked, dangerously close to you. “I don’t think I did! Anyway, ice cream is on me today… again”.

You studied his face for a moment. He didn’t seem a tiny bit deceived that he just lost a bet. He even had a warm smile on his face, his dimples on full display. You pouted even more.

“Namjoon-ah, you let me win. I know you did”.

“Of course not. I ran like my life depended on it”.

“Yeah! Yeah! Sure, I believe that,” You stared back at him, your eyebrows knitting on your forehead, your eyes in a squint.

Your breathing was much calmer now, and you were able to speak normally. Namjoon felt himself too entranced by you, if he continued to look at you like that, he didn't know what he could do. Instead of kissing you like his guts were claiming, he leaned towards you and poke your forehead.

“Ouch” your fingers traced the spot Namjoon just poked. It was so sudden, that it took you by surprise. But at the same time you couldn’t help being fond of it.

“Namjoon-ah! You meanie!” You pouted “You let me win and now, you’re hurting me! I don’t follow you this morning” you laughed, “Why are you like this??”

“I believe that you should not ask that, little miss. This might be information I want to keep top secret”.

“Oh Oh! look at you,” You playfully teased, “All cool and mysterious, keeping information to yourself,”

“I heard that mysterious people are very attractive,” Namjoon remarked as he puffed out his chest, “Does Ms. Y/N think that mysterious people are attractive?”

You smiled at him, looking straight into his eyes. He was so handsome, a mix of confidence and doubt. He was himself the incarnation of Adonis. The greek god of desire and beauty.

“Hum… let me think about it… Nah, I am personally not attracted to mysterious people. You know what seduces me?” without realising it, you got lost in your own thoughts and you had no filter anymore “Intelligence is seductive. Kindness is seductive. When someone is really caring and tender, this is really attractive, at least to me. If the person has dimples, broad shoulders, a beautiful smile and thighs… omg, if he has muscular thighs I’m a lost case”

Namjoon, who’s brain usually malfunctions when you’re around, has now completely stopped functioning. He just stopped in his tracks staring at you, his eyes wide. Trying to process the words that just left your mouth. It can’t be true is it? It’s too good to be true is it? But he just heard them. Straight from you.

You stopped walking on the spot, realising what you just had said. Your eyes went wide and it seemed to Namjoon that the blood had left your face before that beautiful pink colored your cheeks once more.

“I mean… I…” You stuttered, which was unusual for you. A hint for Namjoon that your brain too, was malfunctioning. “I mean, dimples are universally attractive, right? We… Aren’t we all attracted to dimples? I mean… Oh well, I think I’ll just shut up now” you blushed. You were red from the top of your head to your toes.

“I’m pretty sure it’s just you, who found it attractive,” Namjoon teased you. He couldn’t help himself, he needed to make you laugh again. His heart was beating loudly inside his own chest and he could very well feel the blush creep up his own cheeks. But that’s a story for another time. For now he just wants to see you smile at the very least. But instead of a smile, you got shy and it melted his heart.

“Namjoon-ah… I was just…”

“Say no more, Y/N, I just love teasing you”

“Yeah, it’s better if I just stop talking” you sheepishly smiled at him “The good thing is, you will pay for my ice cream today so I’m gonna take the bigger portion I ever had”

“You can buy the entire shop and I still won’t mind paying for that” Namjoon grinned.

Your heart was beating so fast and you felt so light. You never felt like this before near anybody else other than Namjoon, even back in uni. Was he flirting with you? Were you flirting with him? What was happening? How’s this even possible? Not even half an hour ago, you were alone, reading against a tree. Now you are with the most handsome and interesting man that you ever met and both of you seem to be fond of each other, at least you hope you were not imagining this.

You were probably standing there staring at him, the familiar blush dusted on your cheeks that your mind didn’t get enough time to process it when Namjoon took your hand in his, like it’s no big deal. Like it’s something of a usual occurrence to him, to you. And when you finally came to your senses, you couldn’t help but feel his hand. His soft but tough skin, his long fingers and the way they intertwined and laced around your own. The warmth of his grip, the tingling sensation that every point of contact sent through your skin. You were no longer sure of what’s reality or what’s an illusion.

The day couldn’t have been more perfect for Namjoon. This morning, he wouldn't have imagined it would turn out so beautifully. Walking hand in hand with the person he held a crush for over the longest period of time. If anyone would ever tell his university self that he would be walking with you while holding hands, he would have probably laughed at that person. But life does have weird ways of coming in a full circle. And here he was. The anxiety of being away from his kids was long gone. He did think of them, of course. But he was in such a peaceful and happy place, he didn’t have time to be overwhelmed.

You walked around for a while like that. Stopping for your ice cream once and then making a few more stops as you both tried some street food here and there. And between all this, the walking, the eating, the picking out food stalls, you both couldn’t stop talking to each other, couldn’t stop the bickering. It was a while since any of you had so much fun. Been a while since you both felt so light and bubbly. Particularly with another human being, an adult specifically. Nothing about today was planned beforehand but the day was nevertheless full of remarkable moments. Small moments that you never want to forget.

****************************

“So this is it then,” Namjoon’s words jolted you out of your thoughts. Surely enough, you could see your apartment come into view from a distance. The day surely flew by. And probably for the first time, you were disappointed by the thought of having to return home yet. Beside you, Namjoon didn’t seem to let your hand go either. His grip on your hand was as tight as it was when he first held it.

A little sad that you will soon have to go separate ways with Namjoon, you looked at him. His features were half hidden by the darkness that already fell on the city. Sensing your gaze on him, he looked back at you with a tender smile on his face.

“What are you thinking of Namjoon?” You asked, an equally tender smile on your face.

“Thinking?” Namjoon asked, “Nothing really. Why?”

“You had such a soft smile on your face,” You shrugged, “So wondered what got you smiling like that.”

“Ah, that’s because I had a good day today. I’m happy I got to spend all this time with you.”

You probably weren’t expecting this answer from him, so it was a bit surprising and also made your heart flutter thinking about how you were the cause of that smile. He, too, made you happy today. Very happy.

Guided by the desire to stay with Namjoon a little bit longer, you let your hand secure in his and with the other one, you gently laid your fingers on his forearm as you continued walking. It was not something that you planned to do, you just felt the need to hold onto him. He didn’t react to this but his already wide smile grew wider, if it’s something that’s even possible.

“We’ve arrived” you stopped in front of your apartment building “I live here”.

Namjoon didn’t say anything but stared at your doorstep, lost in a daze. It seems that it still didn’t fully dawn upon him that it’s already the end of your day together. And when he didn’t say anything else for a while longer you just gave him a small nudge waking him up from his reverie.

“This is so funny,” He remarked, “I walk in front of your home almost every single day when I go to work, yet I never imagined you lived here. Life is full of surprises”.

“Oh yeah?” You giggled.

You both just look at each other, a little awkward, a little shy, unsure of what you had to say. Of what both of you wanted to say. You both knew that the time you spent together today was a million times different than how you spent it before. You can’t really pinpoint what changed or what pushed for this change. But whatever it was, it was good. It was more than just good. It was perfect.

“So….”

“So…”

“You live here…” Namjoon bashfully said and mentally slapped himself almost instantly. Wasn’t it obvious? You had just said you live there. Jin will laugh at him until the next century when he gets to know this.

As he was scolding himself internally, he didn’t notice you tiptoe in front of him. It’s your hands taking a hold on his chest that made him realise that something was happening.

“Oh” was the only thing he thought of saying when he felt your warm lips against his cheek. Less than a second after, he could see your beautiful smile. You seemed to be way more at ease than he was. On an honest note, you weren’t sure what prompted you to do that. But looking at him, it only felt right to peck his cheek in a kiss.

“You’re so cute when you’re mad at yourself Namjoon-ah! You’re the cutest!” you tittered, your eyes bright. Namjoon swore, if he stared any longer he would be able to trace galaxies in them.

And as for you, saying Namjoon was cute was an understatement. You knew he was just as nervous as you. Nervous, happy, excited, overwhelmed and so many other things. It’s like waves crashing on top of each other. Restless, yet everything seemed like it was falling into place.

Under the pale moonlight, you gazed at Namjoon’s face. In contrast to the softness he radiates, his face was full of sharp angles and beautiful lines. He was looking at you with something akin to tenderness in his eyes, his coffee brown eyes, fixated on yours, his brown hair falling over his face. You were tempted to reach out and brush it away. But you couldn’t do anything but standstill and continue to gaze back into his eyes. And deep inside you, a fire burned and crackled.

When you felt him closing the distance between you, you instinctively closed your eyes and clutched at his shirt with your trembling hands. He was so close, you could feel his warmth enveloping you like a comfortable blanket. And with each passing moment, the fire inside you burned brighter. Stomach tangling, ribs crackling, butterflies scattering everywhere.

And just as Namjoon’s gaze dropped down to your mouth, he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you in, your lips tarried at his, baiting each other with the warmth of your breath. And just as his lips gently leaned on yours, a sound to your side broke the charm.

“Hum hum” the old man living in your block cleared his throat. Still not completely coming to your senses, both Namjoon and you sprang apart, half shy, half embarrassed. You then moved on your left, giving the space that the intruder needed to pass by and enter the building.

This is when you noticed Namjoon’s finger, grazing his red and luscious lips at the exact place where he felt you. He seemed as shy and shocked as you were.

“I… This is like an old dream coming true” Namjoon admitted, flustered.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know if I can say it”

“...” you stared at him.

“It’s nothing bad, you know?” he moved from a foot to another, seemingly shy and nervous.

“Then, why don’t you tell me” you had no idea what he was gonna say. All you could think about was the sudden sensation of cold you felt when you had to move back from him. It seems like you belonged in his arms and you wished you could just snuggle up against him as soon as possible.

And the next words that slipped past his lips was probably something you never imagined yourself or ever pictured happening.

“I used to have a huge crush on you while we were at uni,” He said, softly giggling, “I can’t believe I’m admitting that to you years later.”

Surprised, it was not something you expected him to have said, you stared at him blank, your eyes wide open. But then again, there was also no denying the sparks that flew between you back then. All this while, you thought it was only you. But, now you know, he was feeling something similar too. In a way, it was sort of comforting to know that.

When you noticed that his features changed, you realised he might have confused your reaction to rejection. Indeed, when he started to talk, he seemed to have regretted the confession. You didn’t want him to feel that way so you moved towards him and engulfed yourself in his arms.

“Woah Namjoon-ah! I didn’t know at all…” You said, at a loss for words. Equal parts embarrassed, equal parts happy. But at the same time you couldn’t help squeeze his frame between your arms. And in your grip, Namjoon stood still, probably too shocked or surprised for his own good. His heart at that point was slippery and hot and loud. So, so loud.

You both stood still like that for a few moments. It was too surreal, it was like falling off a cliff at a high velocity, unaware of your surroundings, yet still somehow suspended within the moment. And after what felt like ages, you turned your head to face him. When you looked at his gentle features peering at you, you knew what you felt in your heart. You were sure. But wanting to confirm if Namjoon was feeling the same, you ask -

“What about now Namjoon? How do you feel about me now?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper.

Namjoon thought it was too good to be true, that the moment was too magical, too perfect. He must have been dreaming and yet here he was. With you in his arms, worried about what he might think, he thought that life offered him the most beautiful gift in a long time. He smiled right back at you as he looked straight into your eyes before he tighter his arms around you. One hand at the nape of your neck, he brought you closer to his chest and kept you there for a long moment, both savoring the sensation.

“Now? Let’s see… It’s beyond just a crush. I feel like… we belong? Isn't it strange?”

“No Namjoon, it’s not strange. I feel the same” you told him, your nose against his shirt, breathing in his familiar scent.

And with that Namjoon giggled in your hold.

“How do you feel about a date next weekend then?” He asked as his fingers delicately carded through your hair.

“Let me see” you said, thinking “I found it’s a very long time to wait! I already cannot wait to be with you… What to do?” you teased “If we talk on the phone meanwhile, maybe I can wait until next week-end” you smiled at him.

“Aaaaw! Of course we can talk,” Namjoon laughed, “I recognise you there. You didn’t change a bit!”

“But it’s how you like me, right?”

“Right!” He smiled and took your hands in his “I also can’t wait to be with you again”

The journey was coming to an end, sadly. You moved back from his arms, tiptoed to kiss his cheek one last time and lingered against him a bit longer than necessary.

“Stay safe Namjoon”

“Yes, you too”

“Sure Namjoon,” you giggled, “I’ll try not to get robbed on the way to my doorstep.”

Namjoon busted a laugh at that.

“Anyway, see you soon.”

“See you soon.”

When you entered your apartment, you couldn’t believe what just happened. Sliding against the door, you sat down on the floor and held your knees against your heart in an attempt to keep it in your chest.

Not even 15 minutes later, still in the same position, you received a text message.

“Kind of think that next weekend is way too far… you were right missy <3”

#namjoon #kim namjoon #bts rm #namjoon fic #namjoon ff #namjoon oneshot #namjoon fluff #father bts #father namjoon #bts #bangtan #namjoon scenario #bts fluff

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bitchineering · 3 years

Text

Lets go! Day 1: Let’s learn HOW the frick to study

So this I think is the most important thing to do and really it is insane that in the United States (which is where I am from by the way) students have no idea on how to freaking study. Honestly all of this gets me incredibly frustrated because with the internet we have the ability to share information and I’ll tell you that I am one of those people who have scavenged the internet and picked apart what I could find. Here’s another big problem: not everything someone does will work for you.

Also just the spread of dumb study information is pretty terrible. If I do counter anything I will leave a paper or my citation just because I believe in putting down sources and showing others how to research and why citing is freakin important.

Let’s get started: I’m going to summarize everything that will be in here for a second

1. Find your method of studying, find out everything. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. You need to write down how you study (the different types of study people) but also the classes because people study sciences different than humanities.

2. Find out your most productive state. If this means it is you at 2 am in a suit and jacket than that means you need to leave procrastination station and be studying during that time. Now I am not totally okay with people studying in a suit for one it is uncomfortable, I think a jeans and a clean tshirt is just as good. If you can be productive in sweatpants or pjs then go for it. I know I am not and it doesn’t work when I dress for relaxation.

Okay, I’ll be going into more in depth of mainly the first one but a bit of the second.

To start off the bat, if you have time watch this lecture https://youtu.be/IlU-zDU6aQ0 by Marty Lobdell. You have probably heard the saying before and one thing that makes me so frustrated within the study community is that others use this statment without giving any real examples. I feel like Lobdell does this as well as he doesn’t describe note taking and I do believe before putting down a material, you have to take notes. (All he mentions is handwriting notes and I do believe in that. You cannot really type notes and expect to learn the material).

Another source I would suggest is the Vark Quiz (https://vark-learn.com/the-vark-questionnaire/) Learn what type you are (I’m a Kinesthetic!) and read what they give you. I’m not going to say you will perfectly match with your description but if you are starting from ground zero, this is an amazing place to see what might work for you instead of you having to come up with different technques on your own.

I get so annoyed when people use the pomodoro method as a way to study. It is not a way to study. It is a way to schedule your study time. Also, I don’t think you can do much in 25 minutes or maybe it is just me. Usually I work for an hour or 50 minutes and then take a ten minute break. All you need to do is find out what works for you.

Okay let’s get into classes, first there is an amazing youtuber named Nathan Wu who made this video (https://youtu.be/pdAt8JhBnMU and there is a part 2 but I’ll let you guys find it). He is a very good study youtuber that I do like to watch sometimes and I do appriciate that he is spreading correct information. I can give you guys an example of what worked for me in some of my classes (I also just wanna say I won’t be putting my grades on here nor anything really. I don’t feel comfortable being compared to others because I already have to deal with it at my own institution and peers. Please don’t compare yourself to others).

Chemistry (Wu also does include this subject in his video):

- Write notes and explanations for the love of god. Like please just write notes.

- Also apply those notes. If you are confused in one area ask someone for help whether that be your teacher or someone else.

-I would say to use flashcards, but I’m honestly a big quizlet user (I haven’t used Anki I’m a little weird and I get so annoyed when I use something that is popular. I sadly give off the “i’m not like other girls vibe”). When I use quizlet every time I get an answer wrong I write down the definition. I can explain this more because you can do this with notecards as well and probably Anki but I like the mobility of quizlet.

-Labs... I do like doing some labs. I miss my older ones from Honors Chemistry, I barely do good labs in AP Chemistry, but at the same time you have to do them. This could be for any science class because knowing how to apply your information is the best way to test your knowledge that isn’t practice questions (If you need labs look up a virtual simulation. While it isn’t the same thing they are usually free and if not you can find some on youtube).

- Practice problems (this more or less goes with your grading point instead of studying. While I do believe the overall goal in studying is that you understand and can apply the topic tests are so different in many things). As stated before I have taken Honors Chemistry, so I used test prep from my teacher and was able to form questions similar to how she asked them on the quiz. In AP Chemistry I’ve been able to use the online resources from other teachers and AP Classroom. I will say AP Chemistry it is much harder to write my own questions because AP Chemistry is just really hard in general, but finding FRQ practices I believe is one of the best ways you can work on it (Honestly it may be just me but doing FRQs or written essays for answers is so much better than multiple choice because this allows you to practice giving explanations and learning where your gap of knowledge is).

Another study technique I like to do is called the Feynmann technique. This is such a great way to apply knowledge without doing test prep because you need to essentially master your subject before test prep. This method includes creating a study plan for someone else, you need to teach someone else (or something else) what you’re learning and have them ask questions. Know I know this doesn’t really work well for some people including myself because I don’t really have others to talk to when I study but talk to yourself. (sometimes I talk to a ghost or a plushie in my room. I have little trinkets on my desk of which a tiger egg and a Chick Fil A cow plushie wearing a sunflower dress. Just try it, it might seem weird but you got to). If you can’t have others ask you questions say everything you can remember (and maybe do this on a google doc with the voice chat box open, I would say record yourself but I hate hearing my own recordings). Then, once you have finished look through your notes and see what you got correct and what you got wrong. If you did use a google docs then write what you meant to say like: “I said this... but this was incorrect because of this...”

For study schedule or something related to studying I would say watch these videos: https://youtu.be/-m2Ua5Y0mzc and https://youtu.be/OYuhkaOPKcM. Both are by youtubers who I do like to watch and follow what they do. I would say to look through Alicia’s youtube a bit more if you like electronic organization AND the true studyblr (girl can do beautiful calligraphy). I believe I align more with Keo Tsang, who studies later at night rather than earlier than the morning. Tsang does get more hours of sleep than me (haha). If you are in high school please don’t do what he does though. I try to go to bed by midnight because then I’ll get six hours of sleep, and I can sleep on the bus (it takes me an hour to get to school). I also have a free first period where I can sleep if I need to or catch up on work from last night if I didn’t do it. I do like to work when there is sunlight but also coming home from school and taking a detox or a break is so much better for my mental health. I know it will be different when in university but I’d just say this to any high school student, please do a mental detox. Don’t go on social media and scroll endlessly maybe listen to some music, read a book, take a walk/run, my sister would bake after a long stressful day and her food- while not the best- got her in a good mood.

I think this is all I’ll write today. I still need to do so much work myself haha but I am a big procrastinator and also I did have a break down a little while ago. Just know you are worth everything and in the end, every problem is going to have some type of solution even if there is no solution. Your life doesn’t need to be answered today or tomorrow so let’s work on becoming better students one step at a time :)

#studyblr #ap chemistry #how to learn #notes #study schedule #I just know realized I didn't do a study schedule example IG ill do that tomorrow if anyone wants it #youtube recomendations #studyblr youtubers #Bruh I have so many youtubers who I just want to recommend and say please watch them and how amazing they are #school #high school #university #organization and planning #student #studying #study notes #study motivation

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sir-subpar · 3 years

Text

Where have you been? (1)

*This takes place in the Cursed!Bf au. This is pretty focused on Pico's point of view. Not a lot of shipping in this chapter, but I had a lot of fun writing this. This will be a 2-parter. Btw, swear words.*

Pico had challenged Boyfriend to another rap battle for fun and awaited his arrival. He was late, but they did plan to meet up at 5:00 pm so Pico figured it was just rush hour traffic holding him up. So he waited patiently. Minutes turned to hours, and the sun had set below the horizon. Pico tried to text him, but got no response. This was bullshit. He waited for hours like a fool and now B was ghosting him? If he didn't want to rap why didn't he just cancel?

Pico grit his teeth in frustration as he got into his car. He began driving to Boyfriend's and Girlfriend's house. His grip on the steering wheel was unnecessarily tight. Sure, maybe he was overreacting a little. It was just a rap battle, but it angered him that B had wasted his time. He could have done something to let him know that they had to cancel. So in the moment, telling him off just sounded cathartic. He muttered random obscenities under his breath, as if reciting how he was gonna tell him off.

By the time he had reached the house Bf and Gf shared together it was dark out, some stars had started making their mark on the blackened sky. Pico could see the living room light was on. Good, they were home. Pico slammed the car's door, then walked up the little path to the house's front door. He knocked on the door and waited. He tapped his foot impatiently. He had spent his whole afternoon waiting for this guy to show up so the idea of waiting any longer annoyed the hell out of him.

He could hear the door being unlocked and was about to start his angry rant when he saw it was Girlfriend at the door. The look on her face was odd, she looked surprised and… worried? That seemed off to Pico, as she usually opened the door with more enthusiasm no matter who was there. She was wearing a red crop top and black sweatpants, her comfy clothes.

"... Pico? What are you doing here?" She asked, her tone came off as nervous. "I just wanna ask Boyfriend something." He decided not to yell at Girlfriend, she wasn't the one he was pissed at anyway. "Oh… He isn't with you? He doesn't… live here anymore."

Just like that, all the anger built up in Pico had just fizzled. Replaced with confusion and shock. And a little bit of worry. "Why doesn't he live here??" Pico asked, what was going on? "Bf and I… we broke up. He left a few weeks ago and I haven't seen him since." She seemed nervous, she avoided making eye contact as she spoke. She left fidgeting with her hair, a nervous habit of hers.

"So you don't know where he is, huh?" Pico asked, he too, started feeling nervous.

"I haven't seen him since we broke up. He left most of his stuff here too. Even his phone. I figured he had run off to stay with you but I guess that's not the case." Girlfriend continued. Pico's worry only grew from there. He put his hands in his pockets and awkwardly continued their conversation. "How long has this been going on? Like, when was the last time you saw him?" Pico had to know. How long had he been out of the loop here? Girlfriend looked him in the eyes, almost shamefully. "Two weeks."

Pico couldn't help but be shocked by this. "Do you know anyone else he might have talked to? Anyone he might be staying with right now?" Anyone who would know where he is? That was what he really wanted to know. Where could he have gone? Girlfriend shook her head. "No, I don't know who he'd go to other than you. Most people we know don't really like him that much as far as I know." Pico couldn't help but grow more worried. This just wasn't like B… was he in trouble? "Well.. I'm gonna try to find out where he is. You wanna help?" Pico gestured towards his car, thinking they could ask around. Girlfriend averted her gaze, once again avoiding eye contact. "I'm pretty sure I'm the last person he wants to see.."

Pico couldn't argue with that. Hell, when he and Bf broke up they still kept in contact to some degree. Boyfriend completely ghosting someone was rare, so he must've really wanted to avoid her. "Yeah… I guess that makes sense. Uh, have a good night." Pico and Girlfriend shared goodbyes and went their separate ways. Pico never liked being alone with her, to be honest. It was always awkward, now it was made worse with Boyfriend being who knows where. Pico drove off in his car, contemplating what he should do. 'Maybe I should just call some of B's friends. He might just be staying at one of their places.' He thought to himself.

Pico had to think about who Boyfriend trusted the most (not counting himself or Gf in this case). He started thinking of people B had introduced him to. 'I have Hex's number, he's friendly, maybe Bf talked to him? It's worth a shot.' Pico scrolled through his contacts until he found Hex's number. The phone dialed for a few seconds, then he heard a robotic voice greet him. "Hello friend!" Hex exclaimed, enthusiastic as always. Pico wasn't really sure if he'd consider himself as Hex's 'friend' per say, but he never disliked the guy.

"Hey Hex, it's Pico."

"Greetings Pico! Haven't heard from you in a while! How are you?"

"I'm alright, thanks. I actually need to ask you something. Could you help me with something?"

"You sound worried. How can I help?"

"I know this might sound random but… is Boyfriend staying with you by chance?" Pico nervously tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. He hoped that by some chance that maybe Hex knew something.

"No, why?" Just like that, Pico's hope was dashed. Despite that, he decided to fill Hex in on the situation. Maybe having another person looking out for B would help their chances of finding him.

"Well, he and Girlfriend split up 2 weeks ago and he just kinda… disappeared. I've tried to reach out to him but he's not responding. Gf said she has no idea where he is."

" I'm sorry, I don't know any more than you do."

Pico let out a small sigh. "Yeah, I'm worried about him. Hey, if you see him, will you let me know?"

"I will."

"Thank you, I appreciate it." Pico was about to hang up the phone when Hex said one last thing.

"Actually, my friend Whitty sometimes hangs out with Boyfriend. I'll call and ask him if he knows where Boyfriend is." Hex sounded hopeful, which made Pico feel a little better. "Thanks, Hex. Let me know what he says."

"Will do! Bye for now!"

"Bye."

Pico hung up. Deciding to drive home for the time being. He couldn't help but suddenly wonder though… who was Whitty? The name sounded familiar, but he couldn't recall meeting someone named Whitty. Maybe Bf had mentioned the guy to Pico before. Regardless, if this guy knew anything about Bf, he'd take it.

Pico got home and felt exhausted. He kicked his shoes off at the front door, and dragged his feet as he walked towards his bedroom. He changed into some pajamas and started preparing to sleep. Part of him wanted to stay up and wait to hear back from Hex, but he was tired, and he needed to rest. He'd continue his search after getting some sleep, he decided. Pico pulled his bedsheets over his body, closed his eyes, and eventually drifted off to sleep.

…

Pico got up the next morning at around 7:30 am. He got dressed, brushed his hair and teeth, all that usual morning routine stuff. Then, just as he was about to start calling more people to see if they knew anything about Bf, he got a call from Hex.

"Hello? Hex?"

"Pico!" Hex yelled, sounding excited. "I have good news!" Now Pico was beginning to feel excited. "I talked to my friend Whitty. He said he saw Bf a few days ago!"

"Does he know where B is now?" Pico was nervously fidgeting with the collar of his shirt. He wasn't entirely sure why, but ever since his conversation with Girlfriend, he just had a gut feeling that something was wrong. He hoped it was just paranoia. "Does he know where Bf is now?" Pico asked. 'Please say yes.' He pleaded in his mind. "Hang on, let me ask him." Hex replied, then his voice sounded distant. He was talking to someone in person, their conversation muffled. "He said no, but he saw Bf in the same general area a few times last week. Maybe all three of us should go there and look for him together! Like a search party!" Hex sounded hopeful, and honestly it wasn't a bad idea. Pico took a deep breath. This was a good thing, this narrowed the search a bit. Pico reminded himself. "Okay, let's do it." He said, feeling determined. "I'll send you the address so we can meet up. See you there!" Hex proclaimed. "Thanks, I'll be there." Pico hung up, then rushed to get his keys, his gun, and other supplies then got in his car. Hex, as promised, sent him the address. Pico entered it into his phone's navigation system and drove there. It was in an oddly run-down neighborhood, with rundown buildings and dark alleys. He wondered what Bf would be doing there. He honestly didn't like the idea of parking his car in this neighborhood, do you worried that it would get stolen or broken into. So he parkes a little ways away, and walked the rest. It was for the best.

He walked to their agreed meet up spot. The sidewalk was in poor condition, as well as most of the buildings around him. Cracked and discolored walls, boarded up windows, shattered glass and trash was all over the place. The street alone looked as though the city gave up on it. This whole place was run down. Even one of the street lamps was knocked over, luckily it was the morning so it didn't matter.

Pico could see Hex's monitor head and basketball jersey from a distance. Said robot noticed him and waved to him. He saw someone else there with him, presumably Whitty. Upon closer inspection, Pico noticed a few things about Whitty. The first being that he was fucking tall as hell! Pico knew that he was short in comparison to most people but even so, this dude was TALL. Pico standing at his full height wasn't even half this guy's size. He had to be close to 9 feet tall. The next thing he noticed was the fact that his head was a bomb. His eyes were orange and glowed. Pico couldn't help but stare at the guy. When did Bf come into contact with this guy? How did they meet?

"Hey." Said the tall bomb-headed man. Pico flinched slightly, realizing he must have noticed him staring. His voice was kind of gruff, but not the usual kind of gruff. It reminded Pico of an electric guitar for some reason. Though he figured it probably was best not to say that out loud. Pico snapped out of his thoughts and finally replied. "Hey, I'm Pico. I'm guessing you're Whitty?" Pico held out his hand to shake Whitty's, the taller man returned the gesture. "Yeah, that's me." When their hands touched, Pico was surprised by how warm Whitty's hand was. It was definitely hotter than his own human hand. Not to mention how smooth his skin was, it felt somewhat like metal, but not quite. He kind of wanted to keep holding it just so he could examine it more, but he figured that would be weird to do to a guy he just met. So he let go.

"So… you saw Bf around here?" Pico asked, and decided it was time to start their search. "We crossed paths a few times but every time he ran away. He seemed… upset." Whitty explained, somewhat trailing off towards the end of his sentence. He too, seemed like he was worried about Boyfriend. Pico wondered how close they were. "Can you show us where you last saw him?" Hex asked, a question mark appearing on his screen. Whitty nodded "Yeah, follow me." He turned on his heels and began walking in front of them. He seemed confident, like he knew the area well. Pico and Hex quickly followed.

It was mostly quiet between them, Hex played some simple tune to break the silence. Something Pico appreciated. He felt a little awkward, he didn't know anything about Whitty, but apparently he was a friend of Bf's. He quickened his pace a bit so he could walk next to Whitty, he decided to break the silence between them. "So… how'd you meet Bf?" Whitty looked at Pico with an unreadable expression. "He challenged me to a rap battle." Pico chuckled at Whitty's answer and replied jokingly with "Ah, so the same way he meets everyone." Whitty chuckled. "Yeah, pretty much." He could hear Hex laugh a bit too. It really was the way he met most people. "So, how long have you known each other?" Pico asked. "Hmm… I think months now, almost a year. What about you? You two seem close." Whitty looked at Pico quizzically. Pico rubbed the back of his neck "Aw geez, a really long time. Since we were kids." Whitty's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. So you're really close then huh? That explains a lot actually." Pico tilted his head in curiosity. What did he mean by that? "Yeah? Like what?" Whitty shrugged. "I dunno… B talks about you sometimes. He told me several times that I should meet you. Said he thought we'd get along." Whitty chuckled. "He always looked so happy when he talked about you.."

Pico couldn't help but feel flattered, but he also felt a little jealous. Bf told Whitty so much, he trusted him. He knew He longer than Whitty did, yet Bf apparently didn't trust him enough to tell him about his and Gf's breakup. Pico tried to ignore those thoughts. Bf, wherever he was, needed him. It wasn't time to be bitter. "Wish we could've met under better circumstances." Pico muttered, Whitty nodded. "Yeah."

Hex then decided to interject their conversation. "Hey Whitty, are we close to where you last saw Boyfriend?" The robot asked suddenly, startling Pico. For a second, he actually forgot the robot was there. 'Oh yeah.. We've been walking for a little while now.' Pico realized that he had lost track of where they were. "Yeah, sorry. It's just around this next corner, we're almost there." Whitty instructed. "Ok!" Hex replied. Pico nodded, observing their surroundings. This part of the neighborhood was… odd. It didn't seem quite as old as the rest of this beaten-down area. It seemed more… recently abandoned. The buildings, though still a mess, seemed more modern in comparison. Like at some point, this was a nice neighborhood, possibly even upper class at one point.

The trio turned right at the faded crosswalk, about three buildings down the street, they stopped. Whitty turned to face Pico and Hex. "This is where I last saw him. I tried to talk to him but he ran off and I lost track of him." Pico looked at the rundown building they were in front of. Unlike the other buildings in the area, it didn't seem that old. What surprised him though, was the obvious damage. It looked like the building caught fire at some point. The windows looked like they were shattered from the inside. Pico looked through them, he could see the remains of what appeared to be a restaurant. Broken and burned tables, shattered plates and collapsed support beams were all over the place. He could see the remains of broken speakers towards the back of the dining room, close to what was probably a bathroom. Pico took a few steps back and tried to read what was left of the restaurant's sign. Then it clicked.

He had heard of this place, about a year ago it was on the news because some lunatic blew up the place in the middle of a rap battle. He remembered seeing Boyfriend and Girlfriend escaping the smoldering wreckage on the news. He called them as soon as he saw it and let them stay at his house that night to comfort them. He could vividly remember the look on Girlfriend's face when they watched the aftermath on the news. Complete and utter terror. He had never seen her more scared in his life. Apparently the arsonist was never caught, for some reason. Pico never understood that. It was a restaurant full of people, surely somebody would have seen where he went, right? The thought made Pico uneasy. Why would B come anywhere near this place after that?

"Yo, Pico. You listening?" Whitty's voice suddenly pulled him out of his thoughts. He wondered how long he was zoning out for. "Sorry I- I just got lost in thought. What were you saying?" Pico felt bad. He was supposed to be looking for his missing friend, not zoning out. Pico mentally chastised himself for it before focusing on Whitty again. "I don't know where he went from here, but I don't think he left this side of town." Pico nodded, then looked up at Hex, his monitor was processing something. Pico guessed he was thinking up a plan. Then the monitor showed a map. "Maybe we should split up into different areas" the robot started, his now map that was once his face highlighted three different areas in the neighborhood. "After each of us surveys their area we can check in with each other over the phone." Hex offered. Pico, though he appreciated the thought, didn't really like the idea of the three of them splitting up in a neighborhood like this. Sure, he could take care of himself. Hell, he was an assassin for fucks sake. But even he knew he wasn't invincible. He was vulnerable. Especially in an area he wasn't familiar with. Before he could politely object though, Whitty commented on the plan. "Sorry Hex, that's a no go. This place ain't a good area. If we split, we could get ambushed." Pico was relieved that Whitty agreed with him. "If there were more of us, then we could split up into teams. But it's just too risky to do as is." Pico added, making his stance on the situation known. Hex sighed (or at least did the robot equivalent of sighing), his arms dropped and his now disappointed face appeared on the monitor's screen again. "Ok… this is far less efficient though." Hex replied, defeated. Pico gave him a comforting pat on the arm. "We appreciate the thought, Hex." Pico said, hoping it would appease the mechanical man. Hex smiled and let it go. "Where should we start looking?" Hex asked the group. Pico couldn't help but eye the burnt restaurant. "Let's check in here first." Whitty and Hex both looked at Pico quizzically, but shrugged it off and agreed.

Pico attempted to open the front doors, but they wouldn't give, the restaurant's double doors were stuck shut. Pico was about to slam into it when he was stopped by a large hand. Slightly startled, he realized it was Whitty who lightly grabbed him. The bomb man gently moved Pico away from the door."I got it." Was all he said before he gripped one of the door's handles and yanked the whole door off its hinges. Wood splinters flew everywhere as the door cracked and broke. Whitty tossed the door aside with one arm. Pico's jaw almost dropped. 'Holy shit. Either that door was weak or he's strong as hell!' Pico was tempted to comment on it but didn't want to come across as rude so all he did was thank Whitty. Hex on the other hand clapped his metallic claw hands, the metal making numerous "ting" sounds. "Great job Whitty!" Hex exclaimed before walking through the now open doorway. Whitty rubbed the back of his head, seeming a little embarrassed. Pico noticed Whitty's cheeks were slightly glowing orange. Was that how he blushed? "Err.. Thanks. It's nothing." Whitty had to lean down in order to fit through the doorway, Pico walked in after him.

The three of them spread out a bit to investigate the remains of the restaurant. Pico honestly thought it was depressing to look at. This had once been a peaceful place to take your loved ones to and enjoy food. Now it was just a husk of its former glory. An ashy, decrepit ruin. After a few minutes, they found nothing and decided to leave. Pico felt bad for wasting time in this old building, but he was glad the others were still willing to help. The trio decided to keep looking around the neighborhood, continuing their search for Boyfriend.

…

Hours. They had been searching for hours, and there was still no sign of Boyfriend anywhere. Pico felt his legs getting sore. He hadn't walked so much without stopping in a long time. Hex seemed unfazed, but maybe that was because robots couldn't get sore muscles. Whitty seemed a little tired, but didn't show signs of really slowing down. Pico really wanted to just power through it and be helpful, but his legs were in agony. He needed to sit down. It didn't help that it was past noon and he hadn't eaten much that day. "Hey guys. I need to sit down for a bit, my legs are killing me." Pico admitted, hopong the others would be cool about it. "Okay, let's take a break. We've been doing this all day." Whitty agreed. Hex noticed a bench in the distance. "Why don't you rest over there?" The robot offered, and the other boys agreed. The bench was a bit tall, Pico had to hop on to it. Whitty on the other hand had no such trouble, being the vertically-blessed giant he was. Pico was a little jealous. Pico let out a sigh. "Where the hell is that blue-haired dumbass?" Pico asked rhetorically, he was getting frustrated with this. He was worried, tired, and felt lost. He thought he knew Bf well, but he didn't know him well enough to predict this. "I wish I knew." Whitty added, sounding worried as well. Pico was thinking about what to say when his stomach growled loudly.

"Hungry, huh?" Whitty chuckled. "Fuck yes, I'm starving." Pico replied. "You know what? I'm gonna get lunch. You hungry?" Pico asked, standing up despite his legs begging him not to. "I'm always hungry, sure." Whitty chuckled again. "I'm never hungry!" Hex happily chirped. That time Pico chuckled. "Well, you could still come with us, even if you don't eat anything." Pico offered. "Thank you friend!" Hex smiled. "Cool." Pico gave a thumbs up. "So… where are we going?" Whitty asked, tilting his head a bit. He stood up, ready to follow Pico. "First to my car. Then I'll drive us to a restaurant or something." Pico explained, beginning to walk towards said vehicle. "Just a heads up, I parked a bit far, but it should only take, like, 20 minutes to get there." Pico warned, knowing the others (or at least Whitty) were tired as well. "No problem friend! Lead the way!" Hex declared enthusiastically. Whitty just shrugged and said "We've been walking for hours, 's not like 20 minutes will kill us." And just like that, they were off.

…

Pico, as promised, drove the three of them to a small diner that wasn't too far away. It was thankfully in a nicer neighborhood. The three sat together at a booth table near the back. Hex had powered off to regain some energy. More or less leaving Whitty and Pico alone.

"Hey, lunch is on me, k?" Pico stated. He had been paid generously on his last job, so he wasn't worried about meal prices. Whitty seemed caught off guard. "Uh, y-you don't have to do that-" "I insist." Pico bluntly interjected. Whitty again, tried to decline. "I shouldn't- you don't need to do that, really." Whitty stammered a bit. Pico doubled down on it. "I'm not budging on this man." Whitty tilted his head to the side curiously, but still seemed slightly flustered. "Why are you so persistent in paying for both of us?" Whitty asked. Pico shrugged. "I just want to thank you for all your help today. I've been stressed out trying to figure out where B is and I really appreciate you helping us out." Pico said earnestly, he was still really worried about Boyfriend. "I.. You're welcome. I'm not gonna lie, I care about him, and I'm worried for the guy. Last time I saw him, he seemed off." Whitty confessed, rubbing the back of his head. Pico's curiosity piqued a bit. "Off? In what wa-" ''Hello boys! Can I get you something to drink?" Pico was suddenly interrupted by their waitress. "Oh. Right. We should probably order something haha." Pico joked, chuckling a bit. "I'll take a Coke. What about you Whitty?" Pico asked, gesturing towards the taller male. "I'd just like water, please." Whitty replied, the waitress wrote their drink orders. "Okay. Are you ready to order your meals as well?" She asked sweetly. "I think we need a few minutes." Admitted Pico. "Okay, I'll give you some time to think about it and will be back with your drinks in a bit, okay?" Whitty and Pico politely thanked her and looked at their menus.

"What're you thinking of ordering?" Pico asked, he wondered what kind of food Whitty enjoyed. "I don't know. I'm still surprised that you're paying for both of us." Whitty responded unsurely. "It's all good man. I got it" Pico gave a reassuring smile. "I just want to warn you that I eat a LOT. I'm not exactly cheap to feed." Whitty warned, embarrassed. Pico chuckled, "I'm not exactly peckish, either." "I really mean it, Pico. I eat more than humans do." Whitty once again gave a disclaimer to Pico. "And I really mean it when I say I'll cover it. Just get what you want." Pico stated adamantly.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"..."

"Are you sure?"

"Whitty if you ask me that again I'm gonna smack the shit out of you."

(To be continued…)

(I wanted to write more but this is long so I'm gonna break it into two chapters. The next one is gonna have more angst so I wanted to end this one on a bit of a lighter note

#fnf #friday night funkin #cursed! bf au #cursed!bf #fnf pico #fnf whitty #fnf hex #fnf girlfriend #fnf boyfriend #bombico #bf x pico #pico x whitty #if you squint #fanfic #two shot #where have you been?

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Text

Delight in Misery (ao3) - part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6

- Chapter 7 -

“Why are you covered in feathers?” Jiang Cheng asked, and then immediately afterward added, “On second thought, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.”

Lan Wangji checked himself over and brushed off the few feathers that had ended up on his shoulder. “Are there any others?” he asked solemnly. “They might be evidence.”

Jiang Cheng’s eye twitched, as Lan Wangji had intended. “I don’t want to know,” he repeated, and Lan Wangji believed it about as much as he’d believed it the first time Jiang Cheng said it – which was to say, not at all. “I don’t want to…okay, fine, tell me.”

“You don’t want to know,” Lan Wangji informed him, and Jiang Cheng looked as though he was considering strangling him. “I will explain later. For the moment, it is best to pretend as if you know nothing.”

“I really don’t know anything,” Jiang Cheng said.

“That will make pretending easier.”

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes at him, but stopped arguing, and Lan Wangji felt warmth in his belly at the instant capitulation. All of his life experiences had conspired to make Jiang Cheng an untrusting person, suspicious almost to the point of paranoia and constantly afraid of losing everything to the unknown, and yet he chose to trust Lan Wangji without question.

“Is there anything else I should know?” Jiang Cheng asked with one of his friendlier scowls, crossing his arms over his chest. “Or not know, as the case may be?”

Lan Wangji considered for a moment. “Don’t count the number of Jiang sect disciples leaving with you,” he suggested, and Jiang Cheng’s eyebrows shot up. “Consider storming out in a fury the next time someone insults you.”

“You were right,” Jiang Cheng said. “I didn’t want to know.”

Lan Wangji heard footsteps and put his hands behind his back. “Naturally, Sect Leader Jiang is entitled to change his mind. I understand it happens often.”

Jiang Cheng’s eyes narrowed. “You must be struggling with coming out of seclusion, Hanguang-jun,” he remarked. “To come mucking around with the rest of us after spending so long on - avoiding worldly matters, let’s say.”

The sect leaders passing by sped up with expressions suggesting that they were dreadfully curious but did not want to get involved in a repeat of the fight that was rather infamously had throughout the Lotus Pier, with all of the attendant property damage (that they’d paid for later, but still).

Once they’d passed, Lan Wangji gave Jiang Cheng a look that suggested he did not appreciate the joke. Jiang Cheng appeared undeterred.

He also appeared, on closer examination, somewhat tired.

Lan Wangji frowned and stepped closer, lowering his voice. “You have not slept.”

“I’m fine,” Jiang Cheng said, and realized his mistake at once – such excess vehemence meant that he was lying, and badly, too. “It’s your fault, anyway.”

“My fault?”

“Entirely your fault. I can’t eat my lunch without wondering why you’re not plucking away on your guqin the way you normally do at that hour, I can’t finish my paperwork without trying to find you to ask for your views, I can’t sleep without hearing you making noise next door…who made you fit yourself in so well at the Lotus Pier?”

“You,” Lan Wangji said dryly, ignoring the warmth he felt. Surely it was wrong to feel touched when someone’s unhealthy co-dependence with you was mentioned. “When you kidnapped me.”

“It was only technically kidnapping,” Jiang Cheng grumbled. “And only at first, anyway…really, it’s no big deal. Just had a few bad nights.”

Jiang Cheng’s nights fell on a scale between decent, mediocre, bad, and genuinely horrific, and he generally only conceded that something was ‘bad’ when it fell toward the lower end of the scale – when his thoughts kept scattering like a flock of bird being chased off their perch, returning to circle around sore subjects and drill worries into his skull, when there would be blood and bile and panic and his mind would linger on anxieties he had long ago put aside in the light of day.

He hadn’t had one of those in months – and now he had had a few?

“Because I…?”

Jiang Cheng shook his head. “A-Ling had a temper tantrum last week,” he explained, voice low and more than a little helpless. “I think he misses you and A-Yuan, and he’s at the age for pushing his boundaries, too…he told me that his Wei-jiujiu wouldn’t have made him eat his vegetables.”

He would have, of course, Lan Wangji reflected. He remembered how Wei Wuxian had been with A-Yuan, always mercilessly teasing him. Wei Wuxian had a spine when it came to children, one that wouldn’t crack into a thousand pieces at the first sob – that was Jiang Cheng, who was all bluster and bark without the slightest bit of bite.

But that wasn’t the issue, not when Jiang Cheng’s soul was a patchwork of ragged wounds and insecurity, a lifetime of being second-best and second-loved, and on his worst days he would voice doubts that he’d even been esteemed as much as that.

By his father, by his mother, by his sister, by Wei Wuxian himself –

“Maybe he would’ve done better,” Jiang Cheng murmured, his eyes already blank with self-hatred – no doubt this was what had kept him up on those bad nights, the angry whispers of a too-fragile mind that said why did he leave me, why wasn’t I good enough, he said he’d stay by my side and then took the first chance he could to leave me behind, that said it couldn’t have been him that did all those things and betrayed me like that, no, he must have died earlier on and it was my fault for not noticing, that said if it’s all my fault then it all makes sense, it’s always because of me, no one ever stays with me.

That said if it’s my fault then it’ll happen again.

Lan Wangji did not like those nights.

“Mm,” he said mildly. “And then A-Ling would also know how to hide dirty pictures in awkward places.”

Lan Wangji had never been good at comforting people, having always been the one being comforted, and his failure to convey his feelings to Wei Wuxian during his life spoke volumes regarding his ability to communicate – but he knew Jiang Cheng.

After so long living together, he knew him.

(Jiang Cheng wasn’t the only one who had difficulty sleeping without those familiar sounds next door.)

Sure enough, Jiang Cheng choked, his eyes clearing up, and he spent the next few breaths struggling not to burst out laughing. “We’re supposed to be arguing,” he hissed at Lan Wangji, who smirked – from a distance it would certainly look as though they were arguing, Jiang Cheng’s cheeks all red and his shoulders shaking in what a stranger might mistake for rage. “You stone-faced bastard, that’s not funny.”

Lan Wangji disagreed. Jiang Cheng’s reaction was, in fact, extremely funny.

“We will need to diversify our collection of such things,” Lan Wangji said thoughtfully. “Given the inclinations of our future house guest…”

“I am not buying Mo Xuanyu pictures of – ! He can buy it himself if he wants…wait, you’re really planning to have him come with us?”

“He will die if he remains,” Lan Wangji said simply, because it was that simple. Their conversation, however brief, had been extremely informative. “And so he must not remain. We have concocted a plan.”

“We? I wasn’t involved in this.”

“Myself, and Nie Huaisang.”

Lan Wangji was expecting some sort of reaction to that – what, he wasn’t sure, possibly disbelief or ridicule or even panic that they were entrusting themselves to the most useless fop to grace the current generation of cultivators – but instead Jiang Cheng relaxed, looking pleased. “Oh, well, Nie Huaisang,” he said, as if that explained anything at all.

“You trust him?”

Jiang Cheng shrugged. “I don’t not trust him?” he hazarded, and seemed rather helplessly puzzled by his own ease with the situation. “He’s terrible at anything a sect heir ought to be good at, but he’ll come up with the wildest sort of things if it’s nonsense he’s after, and he usually gets his way in the end. He’s a pretty good judge as to how likely his chances at success are, too.”

“He’s smarter than he looks,” Lan Wangji agreed, his voice neutral.

“Don’t tell me you fell for his ‘who, me, a person capable of doing anything, surely not’ act,” Jiang Cheng said, looking vastly amused. Lan Wangji might normally object to such teasing, but if it got Jiang Cheng away from his dangerous self-hatred, he’d take it – even if the idea that Jiang Cheng, master of obliviousness, had correctly judged a person that he himself had misjudged seemed just plain wrong. “He just does that to anyone he thinks might squeal on him to his brother.”

Lan Wangji probably would have, too. Still, he felt that Jiang Cheng should have warned him better.

He glared.

“Second Young Master Lan has no grounds for complaining at his own lack of perception,” Jiang Cheng said, and Lan Wangji noted again the presence of people in their vicinity. “It’s all that navel-gazing you do in the Cloud Recesses, no doubt – should I start to worry about A-Yuan?”

“Lan Yuan,” Lan Wangji said snippily, then added, “Lan Sizhui.”

Jin Rulan, Jiang Cheng mouthed at him, and both of them were forced to briefly avert their faces in sheer amusement. Poor Jin Ling – no one would ever call him by his courtesy name, not if even his two guardians weren’t able to keep a straight face.

(Well, comparatively speaking. Lan Wangji was well aware that his own expression of deep amusement looked, to the uninitiated, exactly like his neutral expression but for a very slight narrowing of the eyes.)

The footsteps passed, and Jiang Cheng relaxed once more. Lan Wangji was pleased to see it, but acknowledged that if they were to keep up the pretense of disliking each other, deplorable political necessity that it was, they would need to do better in the future.

“Today will be a disaster,” Lan Wangji murmured, a warning. “But beneficial in the long run. Do not take what they say to heart.”

He would not have said it if Jiang Cheng was not more fragile than usual. Normally, Jiang Cheng could, after years of practice, let insults flow off his back like water from a duck, unmoving and uncaring – he was a flawed man in many ways, Lan Wangji acknowledged, but he generally only had to make a mistake once to learn from it.

For instance, he would never again allow the poisoned words of others to interfere with those he loved.

Not when he still tormented himself for not having done more for Wei Wuxian, as if there had been more Jiang Cheng could have done without losing everything else he held dear – not even Lan Wangji, who was helplessly and hopelessly in love with Wei Wuxian and couldn’t keep himself from sometimes playing Inquiry in search of him, summoned his ghost into their lives so often as Jiang Cheng did.

“Sometimes I wonder what goes through your head,” Jiang Cheng remarked, glaring at the perceived commentary about his lack of emotional resiliency no matter how accurate. “And then I realize I don’t want to know.”

“Lying is forbidden.”

“I am not a Lan. And, yes, fine, it’s a lie. If I could crack you open and crawl into your head, I probably would, but that doesn’t make you special or anything. I’d do that to most people.”

Lan Wangji believed it – Jiang Cheng was just that insecure.

He didn’t let Jiang Cheng change the subject, though, continuing to stare at him until Jiang Cheng shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, rolling his eyes. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll prepare for a calamity and storm out as quickly as possible. What are they possibly going to say about me now?”

They said he was like his father.

It was usually meant as a compliment, but not always. In this case, it was the latter: the implication that Jiang Cheng would, like his father, eventually forget to care for the child he already had when another, better one came along put an especially ugly expression on his face.

As Nie Huaisang had gleefully predicted, Jin Guangshan was enraged to the point of maddening by the prank they had pulled and framed Mo Xuanyu for. Nor could he be blamed, the prank was positive infantile, and highlighted Mo Xuanyu’s relative youth and immaturity, losing his father and sect face in the process. Everyone had wanted to talk about that, about how extremely obvious it was that Mo Xuanyu’s only use was to humiliate the already legitimized Jin Guangyao, but in deference to their host they turned their conversation onto past examples like Jiang Fengmian – and, of course, the more recent example of the ongoing fight between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji over Lan Sizhui.

Jiang Cheng had had no choice but to ignore it, no matter how his face purpled in rage at the suggestion that he might neglect either Lan Sizhui or Jin Ling in favor of the other. Still, no one had really questioned it when he left in a huff not long after in response to an extremely unfortunate comment by the ever-feckless Nie Huaisang (of course: Lan Wangji shouldn’t have doubted him) about the ability of young men to handle child-rearing, returning to the Lotus Pier in a fury with a parting shot about how the Lotus Pier, at least, did not follow the Wen sect in encouraging the indoctrination of children – a vicious and unwarrented smear regarding the Lan sect’s lectures that made Lan Qiren almost visibly see red and Lan Xichen frown but which Lan Wangji thought was rather useful to their ultimate goal.

When later it was discovered that Mo Xuanyu had apparently run away – and based on the clues that had been left behind, that he must have pulled off his escape by disguising himself as part of Jiang Cheng’s retinue – Jin Guangshan was so angry that smoke nearly poured out of his ears, to the point that Jin Guangyao hastily came up with some excuse to briefly remove him from the scene.

Nie Huaisang winked at Lan Wangji from behind his fan, looking pleased with himself, and he looked so ridiculous that Lan Wangji had to forcefully remind himself once again of his personal revelation that the second young master of Qinghe Nie was far away from being the useless waste that he presented himself as.

Far more effective a reminder, though, was Jin Guangshan’s announcement later that day that he would indulge Mo Xuanyu’s desire for a little bit of freedom – natural in a boy of that age, he’d chuckled, playing the indulgent father – by requesting that Jiang Cheng keep him for some time at the Lotus Pier to tutor his young cousin Jin Ling in the ways of Lanling Jin.

Just as Nie Huaisang had so enthusiastically and confidently said he would.

“And with Hanguang-jun there to supervise, there will be no question of misconduct,” Chifeng-zun said, nodding in approval at the proposal. “Your son and grandson will benefit twice over! I think our younger generation is stronger for having all gathered together in one place, whether learning at the Cloud Recesses or resisting the oppression of the Wen sect…”

“That requires there to be a younger generation,” someone in the crowd interjected, as they almost always did when someone of their present generation mentioned the next. “Sect Leader Nie, don’t you think it’s time you settled down?”

“Why are you looking to me?” he demanded, looking annoyed. “Zewu-jun is equally unattached, and he ranks first on the list of women’s hearts, doesn’t he?”

“On the list of young masters, of which I no longer count,” Lan Xichen stressed hastily, holding up his hands in a vain attempt to ward off the discussion topic. “At any rate, I’m far too busy to be interested in courting at the moment – anyway, wasn’t Sandu Shengshou trying to set up a match some time back?”

“Didn’t he get blackballed?” Sect Leader Qin, ever Jin Guangshan’s faithful dog, interjected, always on the look-out for a way to denigrate the other Great Sects. “I didn’t even know that was possible –”

“At least he’s demonstrated the ability to care for a child –”

Lan Wangji decided that that was an excellent time to make his escape. This was one situation in which he especially did not want to get held up as a positive comparison.

His uncle went with him.

“Very cleverly done,” Lan Qiren remarked as they strolled into one of the many gardens that peppered Lanling City and Jinlin Tower in particular, and Lan Wangji looked at him sidelong. “Matchmaking and children are the favorite subjects of old men; by the time the noise dies down, Sect Leader Jin’s decision as to his newest son will be considered as settled and unquestionable. It was good of your brother – and Chifeng-zun, of course – to throw themselves on their swords for you.”

Lan Wangji put his hands behind his back, uncomfortable. “I did not ask them to act.”

His uncle said nothing. He didn’t need to – if perhaps Chifeng-zun was somewhat opaque to them both, his sheer straightforwardness ironically enough serving to conceal any subtle thoughts he might have, Lan Xichen was as clear as a calm lake. He had jumped into the conversation at just the right moment, saying words that would only inflame the situation rather than calm it, displaying just enough dismay to be humorous without actually appearing, to those that knew him well, to be surprised at all.

“It was Nie Huaisang’s idea,” Lan Wangji added, and that did get Lan Qiren’s eyebrows to rise up in surprise. Probably wondering, just as Lan Wangji was, when exactly Nie Huaisang had had the opportunity to rope the Venerated Triad into his scheme – as far as Lan Wangji could tell, he hadn’t had any opportunity to speak to them.

Still, however intriguing the speculation was, it wasn’t enough to dissuade his uncle from his target.

“The motivation was yours,” he said, the question implicit.

“Mo Xuanyu requested Jiang Cheng’s assistance,” Lan Wangji explained. “He is – unhappy, in Lanling, and ill-suited to it. Jiang Cheng feared that he might one day bring harm upon himself if he remained.”

His uncle nodded slowly, looking thoughtful. “Having him at the Lotus Pier to teach Jin Ling the ways of Lanling Jin also means that there is no urgent need for Jin Ling to return to Lanling himself. He can remain with Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Yes.”

His uncle huffed out a breath and leaned down to smell one of the flowers. “I will give you some books before you return to the Lotus Pier,” he said. “Mo Xuanyu is already past thirteen; it is not at all the same as dealing with small children. You will need to be prepared.”

Lan Wangji looked at his uncle, a little surprised. He had expected more resistance to this scheming plot, which was not at all in line with Lan sect principles.

“Mo Xuanyu is old enough to make his own decisions,” his uncle said, his eyes still fixed on the flower. “If he cannot happy here, he should go to where he can be.”

Lan Wangji’s heart trembled within his chest. He’d thought – his uncle, who had led the charge at the Burial Mounds, who had been the most disappointed at all of his choices–

“I am sorry that we did not suit you, Wangji.”

Lan Wangji exhaled, hard, feeling a stinging feeling in his eyes and nose.

He had not expected an apology.

It didn’t change everything all at once, of course. He was still angry, still spiteful, still furious, fill of bile and bone-deep rage at how his own family had so thoroughly failed to trust in him that they would take away even his right to choose. His belly was heavy with his resentment at how they disapproved of him, how they were ashamed of him, and it would take more than mere words to liberate him from it.

But still, he had to admit – there was something more complicated about it now.

It had been easier, he thought, to be merely angry.

“It was not you,” he said, a small concession. “If the circumstances were different, I could have lived my whole life at the Cloud Recesses with no dissatisfaction.”

“But they aren’t,” his uncle said, bowing his head in understanding. “And you can’t. I – do not understand, and I do not like it, but that is not necessary. It is still my dearest wish for you to be happy and safe.”

Lan Wangji wasn’t sure that being truly happy was possible in a world that lacked Wei Wuxian – a world his uncle had helped bring about with his own two hands – but he knew that the life he had built with Jiang Cheng in the Lotus Pier, warm and tightly packed and full of worries as it was, was as close as he would come, and a life of solitude and distance and tranquility at the Cloud Recesses would only be worse.

“I have another month left before I return,” he pointed out, seeking to change the subject.

“Not after that conversation,” Lan Qiren said, looking reluctantly amused. “You will be sent to the Lotus Pier as soon as can be managed to make sure that everyone is being properly supervised.”

“Jiang Cheng can supervise.”

“Jiang Wanyin won’t.”

Lan Wangji bowed his head to hide a smile. His uncle wasn’t wrong.

And he had to admit - he wouldn’t miss Jiang Cheng dealing with a teenager for the world.

#mdzs #jiang cheng #lan wangji #lan qiren #nie mingjue #lan xichen #my fic #my fics #delight in misery

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rataltouille · 3 years

Text

HOUSE PLANTS, UPDATE 7

[novel intro can be found here]

HEY ACTUALLY I FINISHED THIS BOOK!

i don't want to get too sentimental [watch me proceed to get sentimental] but this book means a lot to me and i really could NOT have done it without the support of the wonderful folks on writeblr. the writing community is kind of the reason i even started this novel so it means a lot to me that i’ve met so many of y’all here. this is my first ever novel and i’m so glad i was able to make it so far! here are the final stats:

TOTAL WORD COUNT: 81,049 words.

STARTED: april 17, 2020

FINISHED: january 28, 2021

AVERAGE CHAPTERWISE WC: 3242

NUMBER OF CHAPTERS: 25

NUMBER OF TIMES LILITH SNAPS: 2

NUMBER OF TIMES LILITH SUFFERS: you know it’s too much to count.

the last month of writing this novel was so mixed. like before i hit the 70k mark i’d just been slogging through the novel, feeling uninspired and bored of the story. and then january hit and i was like. wait a minute. my deadline to finish it was the 31st of january. and so i basically startled myself into drafting again and then hit another wc milestone and that motivated me?? so much??? like i remember that drafting the penultimate chapter took me a pretty long time but it was so enjoyable because i was genuinely liking what i was writing and that hadn't been happening for the past few months. and then i wrote the entirety of the last chapter [it’s a vignette so it’s pretty short] for an hour until 1 am in my bed with the lights off and boom. it was such an experience. what makes it even more fun is that i’d drafted 75% of the book in my bed with the lights off at 1 am so this was such a nice full circle moment.

i’m also a little insane from all that lack of sleep but it’s okay we don't talk about that.

excerpts:

chapter twenty-one

this one’s a mix of the weirdest and most broad emotions. there’s a funeral in town, willow’s acting shadier than usual, lilith and juniper finally kiss, etc. etc. literally a rollercoaster. also it’s important that you guys know they kissed in a graveyard. nothing’s more romantic than that amirite.

Residual— that’s how we all felt. Just shells that wash away right before they touch land. We lingered like sleep at dawn, like medicine rimming the lip of cough syrup bottles, like fingerprints on fresh glass. There wasn't a permanence in the way we persisted, because eventually, one leaves their nest. They untether from the source in pursuit of the world. How would a dead girl do that? She won’t reside on the fringes of life like a bad dream.

god this prose is so depressing. even i’m getting sad over it and i’m literally an emotionless husk of a person. hey but the description slaps so enjoy.

also if you’ve noticed i’ve been sharing excerpts less and less in the updates despite the chapters being longer on length [these chapters average at like. 5k words] and that’s because i’m finding it harder to share stuff that doesn’t need context / isn't spoilery.

chapter twenty-two

ah yes the angstiest chapter, probably. something happens to willow that lilith blames herself for and this kicks off the final cluster of events that lead to the climax. i love this chapter because lilith gets angry [but at the wrong person aka herself] and we get to see this side of her she always tries to hide!! another thing that happens is that her garden withers so that’s a fun trip

My garden could have been a fallen kingdom. The ferns were rotting from under the flap, their spores gone. Gardenia blooms had split with their petals discarded like an evening gown all around the pots. The mint had binary fissioned and lay in shreds, the jasmine wilted and spread. All of them like war dolls, casualties of my ignorance, beyond saving.

poor garden :/

chapter twenty-three

this chapter. exists i guess. ISDNJSDUH i sound so disillusioned but essentially this chapter was supposed to end on a the ✨big reveal✨ that the book has been leading up to but then something. happened. and i had to move that into the next chapter and so nothing actually happens in this one! like it’s all important things and we’re setting up tension but overall it’s the least eventful of the final story arc.

We stepped together into our house; it had been abandoned for a day but was the exact same. Dust hadn't suddenly piled up in the threshold, sticking to our soles. The air hadn't musted over in the house’s grieving for its sole occupants. The bathtub was still filled. The water skimmed the floor, and I’d decided. I’d stay with you for the whole week, the fortnight, the month, the year. I’d stay inside with you, because me leaving the house, me choosing to spend any second of my life without caring for you, was a mistake. I’d always seen you as fragile, quiet like moth wings and just as delicate. Maybe I’d needed to feel I was protector just as much as I thought you needed me.

i really like this excerpt because it’s very simple and light in terms of prose but also the implications and that purposeful telling at the end really stick with me. exposing lilith since 2k20.

As morning rose the next day, like a curtain lifting, the sun picked itself up from the horizon, shattering cloudlines in a bright, orange glow. The skies got clearer by the hour as summer sauntered in again. Already the habits of my grounding were kicking in; my circadian rhythm bounded to my outside, too, as I instinctively scheduled and compartmentalized my daily life. First, wake up, check on you. Finish chores while making sure you’re alright. School, eaten with worry, but you're capable and you’ll call if you need help. Home, count your pulse as you inevitably slumped in plush sleep— at the coffee table, at the bathtub, in Aunt Hailey’s chair (rare), in your bedroom (rarer). You’d wake for dinner and read until the lights begin to dim and your eyesight tripped. You’d doze off for the rest of the night. Your internal clock was more functional, more efficient, than mine.

obligatory rhythmic everyday life excerpt that's reminiscent of 2020.

chapter twenty-four

THE PENULTIMATE CHAPTER! THE LONGEST CHAPTER!! THE ONE WHERE SHIT GOES DOWN!!! [can you tell it’s my fave chapter]

this took me two whole weeks to draft [it’s around 7.2k words] but it was so enjoyable the whole time!! there’s something so satisfying about making the quiet character, the one who never express anger, finally snap. so satisfying. lilith is actually pretty feral in this and we all stan. it also has a lot of simpler yet more sharp prose? if you know me you know that repetition is literally my favourite device ever. i overuse repetition it’s actually insane. and this one has a lot of that, but in a way that isn't annoying, and i really enjoyed writing it!!

I’d never been in your bathtub before. You haunted the room and it was always yours; I didn’t consider running the tap for myself. Maybe your going out prompted me this time. The water was so high it sloshed over the lip of the tub. The floor was slick like eels’ skin. My skin was blue with cold; the chill gummed my cheeks and ears and I shivered. My reflection stared at me in hatred, the features warped and pulled like taffy. I half-floated, a ghost in liminal space, and the walls were choked with water lines and flower patterns. With my body invaded by alien frost, with the ceiling low and cruel and ready to crush, I cowered. How did you do this every day? Did the clothes make the difference?

lilith’s going through it again ft. willow’s bathtub.

after this it’s a lot of incredibly spoilery stuff!! like the prose slaps but it’s too many spoilers to share. but have another description of the heaviness of midnight because i’m obsessed with that aesthetic

The lock clicked behind me. Silence descended like birdsong and I was paralysed, stuck at the two half-stairs that led to the outer path, stuck at the threshold of no return. My body shook. All around me was nighttime, gooey and heavy. I was unfurling, like a rose, step after step, pushing past the gate and onto the road. The wind was so cold it frosted my tears.

btw the chapter does not end on lilith crying she kind of has a girlboss moment and snaps massively [i mean after all she’s been through she deserves it] and then the main story aka the fictive past ends.

chapter twenty-five

the final chapter, which also happens to be a vignette chapter and is thus set in the fictive present! it’s very short and is only one tiny scene but it really ends on the perfect tonal quality for the novel. i can't share any excerpts because it really is very short so! have this iconic screenshot i took as soon as i finished the draft instead:

[also if you were wondering yes i did type the entire novel [and basically everything i write] on my ipad because i don't own a laptop]

and that really is it! this was such an incredible journey and i’m so excited to share more of my newer writing and upcoming projects with y’all. it feels so weird that this really is the last time i’ll be making official posts about this novel. truly the end of an era.

house plants taglist: @discreet-writer @mp-golfin @jaydewritesfiction @writer-in-monochrome @magnus-s-writes @firesidefantasy @sugarlessbubblegum @theoldcity @n1ghth4wkz @remi-writes-sometimes @suninks @dreamybellatrixanvm @camusbf @fablemancy @isherwoodj @svpphicwrites @spillme @sunwornpages @bijouxs @asadlitficwriter @bookphobe @sirius-xthem @carlyiswriting @hekat-ie

general taglist: @lovingyou-is @haldimilks @andiwriteunderthemoon @coffeeandcalligraphy @shaelinwrites @tuoyu @charles-joseph-writes @eklavvya @wolf-oak @bitterwitchwrites @laughtracksonata @whatwordsdidnttouch @indeliblewrites @thenataliawrites @illimani-gibberish @sienna-writes @jennawritesstories @chloeswords @aelenko @keira-is-writing @cherylinanika @infinitely-empty-pages @jmtwrites @august-iswriting @sarahkelsiwrites @freedelusionbanana

tumblr is being. really really annoying and wont let me edit on the browser so i’ve got the 50 mentions per post mobile thing to deal with. the rest of the taglist will be tagged in a reblog!

#writeblr #am writing #crabappletracking #wtwcommunity #atlastracking #ofcolourtracking #house plants #house plants update #everybody say “goodbye house plants” as i yeet willow off a good somewhere #just ignore how i’ve actually finished the book and this update is a month late please and thank you <3

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spacedikut · 4 years

Text

“i want to love someone and be loved” ; spencer reid - part 2

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: spencer decides it’s time to tell you, but he needs some help. 3887 words. part 1

a/n: THIS is the longest fic ive ever written but im actually kinda proud of how it turned out? i hope this is a good sequel :)

Spencer chickens out of telling you the next day.

He avoids you all weekend, actually. You resisted texting him the day after Rossi’s because you assumed he’d be busy – with his big plan involving a girl that isn’t you. You’re not bitter – but Sunday comes around and you message him not long after you wake up and six hours later there’s no response.

Twelve hours later - there’s no response.

Monday, you don’t have time to say hello to anyone – there’s a case waiting for you, somewhere in Florida.

Reid avoids your eyes. His body language tells you something is wrong, so you assume whoever he confessed to didn’t reciprocate (they’re insane) and he’s dealing with it. So you don’t press.

Spencer pretends to sleep the entire jet ride. He’s avoiding everyone, not just you.

He spent the whole weekend beating himself up. He drove to your apartment on Saturday, sat outside for so long a neighbour knocked on his window and asked if he was lost, but couldn’t bring himself to step foot out of his car.

So he locked himself in his room, away from you and your loveliness and away from his phone because he knew you texted him and he knew you’d send some soft message about being there for him if he needs anything and he didn’t need to be reminded of how beautiful and out of reach you are.

Derek seemed to be waiting for him Monday morning, arms crossed as he held a cup of coffee. It was weird seeing him in before Spencer.

“How’d it go?” He immediately asked.

“How’d what go?” Spencer mumbles, flinging his bag on the floor by his desk. He slumps in his seat.

Derek raises a dark eyebrow, “You know what, pretty boy. You had a big thing? Big plan?”

“Didn’t work out.”

It doesn’t take a profiler to realise Spencer is very clearly saying leave me alone. Leave it alone.

Derek isn’t one to leave it alone. Especially when it comes to Spencer.

He sighs and moves a little closer to Spencer’s desk, just in case someone overhears them.

“What happened?”

“That’s exactly it,” Spencer slams open a file, “Nothing happened.”

“And why did nothing happen?”

“Because I’m an idiot that can’t even tell a girl how I feel.”

“Whoa- hey!”

Derek spins Spencer’s chair so they’re face to face. Derek takes one look in Spencer’s eyes and knows what’s going on – he got too into his head and backed out at the last minute.

“You’re not an idiot. Why didn’t you do it?”

Spencer shrugs, “I got to her apartment. I had flowers, too. I don’t know.”

Derek’s evidently concerned – Spencer’s beaten up over this, over whoever this girl is, and he deserves the chance to experience love. Spencer deserves a lot more than he himself thinks he does.

“You seemed really excited, man. You can still do it. Just cause you try once and it doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t ever try again.”

Spencer stares off into the distance, accidentally ignoring Derek as his thoughts slip out of his mouth, “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – I was stupid to think I could get someone like her.”

“Hey, no.” Derek nudges Spencer’s shoulder so he looks at him again, “Don’t talk like that. You’re one hell of a guy, Reid. All you gotta do is get that confidence that you had Friday night back, and you’re all set. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Spencer gives a feeble nod. Derek moves back to his desk, knowing he isn’t convinced, but he isn’t done yet.

+++

Later, in Florida, Spencer’s making a coffee in the precinct’s kitchen after waiting twenty minutes for you to leave. Luck’s on his side, for once, and you’ve been working non-stop with Prentiss going crime scene to crime scene so he hasn’t had to actively avoid you. You smile at him every chance you get, though, and it distracts him.

Someone clears their throat behind him. It’s Penelope, whom Spencer didn’t realise was invited on this case.

She looks guilty. Spencer recognises that face; the face she has when she’s done something she shouldn’t have or knows something she isn’t really supposed to. Given current circumstances, Spencer bets it’s the latter reason.

“Morgan told me something he shouldn’t have.”

Bingo.

He leans against the kitchen counter, stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“What did he tell you?” He asks, feigning tranquillity. Inside he’s screaming non-stop.

She’s got her hands clasped together in front of her, almost innocently, and fiddles with her fingers, “He told me you needed assistance in the love department.” Before he can object, she continues, “And I am willing to do anything if it means our resident weirdo-slash-genius falls in love and gets to experience some much needed cuteness.”

There’s no point in lying to her. There’s also no point in being mad that Morgan told her about his situation – they’re kind of a package deal. And, who knows, Garcia might be able to help.

“So…” She sways, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Spencer shuffles on the spot, scuffing his shoes against the floor. He debates whether he should tell her, since, you know, you’re in the next room over, but Spencer worries that Garcia is so good at her job she’d somehow find out through hacking Spencer’s phone, or maybe somehow hacking his dreams. His subconscious. He’s terrified of Garcia and her abilities.

“You can tell me.” She insists, “I’m much better at keeping secrets than Morgan.”

Spencer turns away from her, she steps closer, and he mumbles your name.

“What?”

“Y/N.”

“WHAT?!”

Spencer spins, hands coming up to tell Garcia to shut up and Garcia immediately covers her mouth in both shock and hopefully so she doesn’t shout again.

“Since when?!” She screeches. “How could I not have known?! Oh God, almighty Doctor Reid, I feel like I’ve failed you by not realising earlier.”

Her enthusiasm makes him smile, for the first time in far too long. Garcia has that power – this innate skill to comfort those around her and make them feel special, make them smile when the world feels like its collapsing.

“Let me help!” She requests.

Spencer’s clearly hesitant. He knows it’s a bad idea.

“Please!” She begs, “I just- I have so many ideas of how you can go about this. Let me brainstorm, get back to you, and if I’m too over-the-top you can tell me no and we’ll pretend it never happened!”

He takes a deep breath. Yes, Garcia is the definition of over-the-top, but that’s one of his favourite things about her. It’s your favourite thing, too. And he did tell Morgan he had big plans. Anything involving Garcia is a big plan with big payoff.

“This is between us.”

“I’ll take it to the grave. Unless you realise how amazing my ideas are and use one to tell Y/N how you feel and then years later I get to commend myself during my maid of honour speech at your wedding.”

She looks ecstatic, hands now together under her jaw as her eyes twinkle. Spencer can’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

+++

The next day, the team returns to Quantico after a semi-successful case. The general mood is good and Morgan invites everyone out for drinks – Spencer declines, but you have your first full conversation since last Friday.

“C’mon, Spence,” Your head rests against the jet seat and you blink sleepily at him, “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for years!”

Spencer gives you a small smile, “I promised my mom I’d call her tonight. Sorry, Y/N.”

You nod in understanding, “Will you tell her I say hi?”

“Of course. She loves you.”

You grin at eachother, immediately lost in your own world. You’ve missed him more than you realised, and you have no idea what’s going through his head, but you’re happy that you’ve had this – a Spencer Reid smile that makes you feel at home and on top of the world simultaneously.

Spencer has to tear his eyes away before he blurts something stupid, like she’s not the only one that loves you.

+++

“Spencer!” Garcia greets, Cheshire cat grin on her face. “I need to see you in my dungeon, please. Immediately.”

Spencer drops the file he’s holding. Unfortunately, Penelope’s request caught the attention of the whole team.

“What business do you have in the villain’s lair, Reid?” Derek asks. You’ve looked up from your computer, Emily smirking and leaning back in her chair in expectation.

“Uh…”

“Important nerd business. Go away.” Garcia says, eyes narrow as she tugs Spencer’s hand. He’s whisked away from any further questioning, leaving the befuddled team behind.

He isn’t sure what to expect when he stumbles into Penelope’s second home, but the display in front of him explains why he overheard a conversation about missing evidence boards earlier. Penelope’s obviously been using the new printer in her cave to her advantage – there’s at least twenty different pictures printed out on one board titled “date ideas”, then the board on the right has a picture of Spencer and you in the centre with a perfectly drawn heart around it. Under and around that is a mixture of love quotes, including song lyrics and quotes directly from romantic movies. He notices “The Parliament of Fowls” on there – Garcia remembers that he mentioned it’s considered the first Valentines poem?

“Whoa,” Is all he can say.

“I know it’s a little intense,” Garcia squirms, “But! I started scrolling through Pinterest and couldn’t stop. I don’t know what came over me, maybe some type of love deity, but I started thinking about you and Y/N in a classic love film in, like, black and white and I…”

She’s out of breath from animatedly explaining.

Spencer laughs through his nose, almost a scoff, but he’s impressed. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the Penelope Garcia.

As Spencer wanders towards the first board, Garcia follows him like a shadow, “My personal favourite is-“ She points to a picture of chocolate fondue with faceless people in very little clothing, “-this one.”

Spencer awkwardly clears his throat when he begins to think of you and him like that.

“A little much for your declaration of love, though, I get it,” Garcia nods.

He scans the board – heart speeding up when he moves from idea to idea and picturing you and him in each one. He can’t help but think no, that one would be good for our anniversary – ah, she’d love to do that one for her birthday.

“What’re you thinking?” Garcia asks quietly. She knows his brain is whirring like her computer drive, so she approaches him gently.

“This one.” He says. “Where should we do it?”

Garcia grins behind him. The one he’s referring to shows a dinner table set up outside, brown wooded table with white wooden chairs opposite eachother. There’s flowers at the centre, a bottle of wine already poured in each glass in front of a basket of cookies, and the area around is shrouded by shrubbery, fairy lights hanging delicately from every-which-way.

It’s perfect. You love fairy lights, Spencer loves cookies, and the set-up looks private enough for Spencer to feel confident when he empties his heart and soul to you.

“The roof.” Garcia says wistfully.

“We have access to that?”

“Yes.” They both know they don’t. “Leave it to me. Oh… one more thing.” She adds, hesitantly, “Can Morgan help? I’m a lot of things, including emotionally strong and your love guru, but physically I’m gonna need some assistance.”

Spencer doesn’t even need to agree – Morgan’s gonna involve himself no matter what.

+++

Five o’clock is quickly approaching and you’re slumped over your desk, lost in your work. You need to be lost in it, because ever since Garcia released Spencer from her office right after lunch he’s been sneaking glances at you (he’s not sneaky) and has made several attempts to approach you but decided against it, sharply turning and pretending he meant to go another way instead.

You are beyond confused. You assume it’s to do with the girl he’s been trying to get over – you hope he’s been trying to build the confidence to tell you exactly what happened and maybe, you really hope, he’ll invite you over for the weekend so you can slip back into your old routine.

“Psst.”

You assume they’re not trying to get your attention, so you don’t move.

“Psst!”

You still don’t move.

“Y/N!”

Your head snaps up to Spencer leaning over the divider between your desks. He looks alarmed – which is odd, given he’s the one who called you – and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally speaks.

“Are you busy tonight?” He sits back and, if he wasn’t so goddamn tall, all you’d be able to see would be his eyes. His added height means you can see his eyes and his nose. You wanna kiss it.

You smile – this is an olive branch, “I am completely available for whatever it is you might need.”

You sound incredibly eager, which you are. You miss him.

His cheeks move upwards, a smile, “Can I talk to you, later, on the roof? Uh-“ He clears his throat, “-I need to tell you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re not gonna push me off, right?”

“No,” He laughs.

“Promise me.”

Now he guffaws, “I would never, Y/N!”

“Promise me, Reid!”

“Alright, alright! I promise!” He’s jokingly raising his hands in a form of surrender.

You give him another smile and turn back to your work. You feel at ease, now, thinking he’s finally gonna tell you what happened on the weekend – finally you’ll be able to help him and go back to normal.

Spencer, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of ease. He’s about to pour his heart out to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks back to his computer, which is open on a tab titled “How to Tell Someone You Like Them.”

Step 3: Be Confident.

Spencer opens a new tab and searches, “How to be confident.”

+++

Garcia hacks into Spencer’s computer to open a document and type that the roof is ready. She wishes him luck, tells him she loves him, and calls dibs on being the godmother of your future children. As if she doesn’t have enough godchildren as it is.

He clears his throat and your head snaps towards him. You’ve been done for a while, playing Tetris on your phone, waiting for Spencer to take you to the roof where he swears he won’t kill you – you’re not entirely convinced.

“Um-“ He scratches his neck, “You ready to go?”

You nod and give him a weak smile in hopes it gives him some type of reassurance.

“Whatever happened, it’s okay, Spence.”

All he does is nod in return, gathering his coat and bag. He doesn’t really register what you say, or he would’ve been very confused.

You follow him up to the roof. The elevator ride is silent and Spencer is jittery; his hands twitch and tap against his legs, he’s bouncing on his toes and he keeps looking at you through the corner of his eye. You’ve taken several deep breaths to calm your racing heart – you hate heights, and this is the closest you’ve been to Spencer in a week. This will be the longest conversation you’ve had with him in a week, too.

The second the doors open, Spencer leaps in front of you.

“Wait!”

You jump back in surprise, “What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Just… when we get there, let me explain first, okay? Before you say anything.” He’s pleading, as if you’ve already told him no. You look at him with furrowed brows and mumble an ‘okay’.

You’re visibly confused as you trek up the flight of stairs to the roof. Spencer pushes open the fire door and the first thing you notice is how bright the roof is – you always assumed it’d be dark, little light, especially at night like this.

Wait.

There’s fairy lights… everywhere. You’re pretty sure this isn’t the norm for the FBI roof.

Spencer is equally as awed at what he sees before him - it’s exactly the photo he saw in Garcia’s cave brought to life, but he’s too distracted by you to fully appreciate it. You look like a child on Christmas; eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. You’re gorgeous.

“What…is this, Spence?” You wonder, noticing the set table, fingers grazing the roses that sit in a vase in the middle. They’re fresh and smell wonderful.

He stands a little behind you, fiddling with his hands, and clears his throat, “Would you like to take a seat?”

You do. When he finally sits, he pours you a glass of wine and you immediately take an anxious sip. Although Rossi is a big fan of wine, you rarely take interest in it only when Spencer’s involved. You’ve come to associate wine with him – a smile peeks out from your glass as you stare at the man opposite you.

“I need to get something off my chest. But there’s cookies, if you want one,” He picks one up from his plate, breaking it in half and giving it to you. He’s stalling, but you seem to take the bait and bite into it.

“Are these from the bakery two blocks away?”

“Yeah,” He replies, but he isn’t really paying attention. He doesn’t know where to begin.

You wait patiently for him to open up. You’re still unsure of what to make of all of this – the beautiful setting, the wine, the flowers, the lights. God, the lights are dazzling in the Virginia night sky. You need context, and you need it now.

“Spence-“

“Listen.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I just…” He trails off, “I need to say what I need to say before I back out again.”

You fold your hands in your lap. You’re ready for whatever’s to come.

“Do you know how long we’ve known eachother?” He asks. His head tilts like a puppy.

“Nearly five years. Our friendaversary is coming up, you know.”

You realise, then, that this must be a celebration for that – that explains the… typically romantic setting. Before you can open your mouth to ask if that what’s this is, Spencer speaks.

“Four years, three-hundred and sixty days. That’s how long we’ve known eachother.”

“If we were dating, we would’ve been my longest relationship the second we passed a year.”

You don’t know why you said it, but it flusters him. He has to pause to take a breath and collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been in love with you for four years and three hundred and fifty-eight days, Y/N.”

It’s silent as you process and he figures out how to continue.

“I knew you were special when you were introduced to us. Hotch already had such a soft spot for you, and you had this way about you that made us all fall in love instantly. I remember Garcia did a background check the second she found out your name and she said you remind her of me and I… that freaked me out, to be honest. I thought you’d try to replace me.” He huffs a laugh, but can’t bring himself to look you in the eye, “I realised I was in love with you when you drunkenly defended me. Do you remember that?” His eyes flicker to yours for half a second – you’re wide-eyed, “You’d known me for two days at that point, but we’d already done a case together so we were celebrating. And these guys at the bar were whispering about me, acting like I couldn’t hear them, and the second you realised what was happening you stood up, stormed towards them and gave them a piece of your mind. It was incredible.

“You barely knew me, at least personally, but you thought so highly of me you scolded a group of drunk bodybuilders without a second thought. You made them apologise – it was hysterical watching someone half their size force them into submission like that – and when you were done you asked if I wanted to leave and go get ice cream. We couldn’t, cause you vomited on the way there, but I knew in that moment I loved you and I feel so hard, so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. And you never… you never indicated you thought of me as anything other than a friend so I didn’t try. Then you dated Greg who, in my opinion, sucked on his best days, and you encouraged me to date Abigail and I…”

He’s run out of breath and of things to say.

“I just love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.” He adds, “I hope that’s okay.”

He finally looks at you, then. You’re just staring and he panics when he can’t make out what you’re feeling. He’s always been able to read you, you’ve always hated the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul because your eyes are always your tell, but now they’re… glassy.

You’re crying.

“Spencer…” You gasp, throat tight.

“It’s okay.” Spencer gives a tight-lipped smile. He knows what’s coming. He should’ve expected it. He has been expecting it.

“I love you too, Spence.”

Spencer chokes on air. He takes a gulp of wine.

You give him a teary smile in disbelief, “I’ve always loved you, Spence. I thought you knew that – I thought that big brain of yours knew exactly how I felt and… you didn’t do anything about it so I thought you didn’t feel the same. Spencer…”

He slowly moves a hand to place it palm-up on the table. Immediately you place your hand in his, your grip tight as you lovingly stare at him. This feels unreal.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.” You half laugh, half cry, “If you’ve really loved me this long, we’ve wasted so much time! God, we’re both idiots.”

Spencer’s crying too, now, and he starts laughing with you.

You’re two idiots in love, sitting opposite eachother on the roof of your place of work in a dream-like surrounding filled with fairy lights and flowers, and you could’ve been doing this for years.

Spencer sniffles, looking at you through his wet eyelashes, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“If I say yes, will I get more dates like this?” You tease.

“Well, Garcia has a whole evidence board of date ideas she stole from Pinterest. We have enough ideas to last a lifetime.” He giggles.

“Penny was in on this?!”

Spencer gives a heh, “This is all thanks to her, so yeah.”

“She’s always had our backs.”

“She’s also now going to be convinced she’s cupid.”

You laugh again, and can’t help yourself when you lean across the table, still gripping Spencer’s hand, and letting your lips fall on his. Spencer leans into you, lips moving against yours as you both try to suppress grins.

You pull back slightly, Spencer’s lips following you, and whisper, “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He kisses you again. And again. And again, just cause he can.

Big plan, big payoff. You’re worth every little stress and more.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #mine #garcia is watching everything through the security cameras btw #you think she'd do all this and NOT watch her hard work flourish?#think AGAIN

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