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aspd-culture · 8 months

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silly question but, 1) how often does aggression have to manifest/be present to be clinically significant/be considered a symptom throughout ones life 2) in a brain with ASPD + DID, is it normal for alters to have varying levels of aggressiveness? i.e. some are more pacifying/fawning/fleeing types rather than instinctually aggressive. sometimes aggression is selective too especially in situations where i'd get caught or hurt. 3) is it possible for me to be aggressive if im nonverbal + physically disabled + physically weak/frail. when i punched a wall it hurt for 3 days lol. how would you suppose this could manifest/present as (if u have any idea)

1 - The aggression symptom is so misunderstood by professionals honestly. There is a reason the phrase "physically aggressive" exists - there are other types of aggression. To answer your question in relation to what I'm guessing your asking about, because of the nature of physical aggression, I would say if it's directly combined with the "low/no remorse" symptom, the "reckless disregard for wellbeing of self" symptoms (started a fight you knew you'd likely lose), or the impulsivity and/or heightened reaction to anger symptoms (started a fight either over literally nothing or something that even you believe to have been very insignificant), etc along those lines, I don't think it has to have been extensively recurrent, if recurrent at all.

Physical aggression comes with high consequences in many cases - socially, if nothing else - and that is very inconvenient and impractical. PwASPD generally value convenience enough that we will restrain from other symptoms to protect it - redirecting aggression or at least keeping it non-physical, avoiding breaking rules/laws in ways you would easily get caught for, teaching yourself cognitive empathy, etc - because after everything we've been through that caused a severe trauma disorder, most of us honestly just want a goddamn break and will do what we can manage to get by without too much more hassle.

That means that many pwASPD entirely don't react with physical aggression or eventually learn not to, especially after reaching the age where legal punishment becomes common and/or harsher. I would honestly say it's common for that particular symptom not to manifest through someone's entire life.

2 - Oh, definitely. Firstly, because sometimes alters are specifically made for the purpose of being a symptom holder for ASPD or aggression, and they will be pushed forward when that reaction comes. Also, in systems where that isn't the case, personality (and thereby personality disorders and the symptoms thereof) is still affected by life experience - that's the case for everyone, system or singlet. In systems with more amnesia, it is possible that some alters had such limited experience with situations that would cause an aggressive response that they may entirely not have that particular symptom. And even outside of that, as the psych community currently understands systems, the alters access different parts of the brain. Brain scans tend to light up differently based on which alter is out even in the exact same situation. It definitely tracks that that would extend to aggression and other ASPD symptoms. While everyone in a system has ASPD, if any of them do, that doesn't necessarily mean they will all show the same symptoms. Some may not show any outward symptoms at all and only deal with the internal ones like issues with boredom, muted emotions, low empathy, etc.

3 - I would say so. An aggressive response limited by other factors is still an aggressive response. Just *wanting* to physically harm someone outside of extenuating circumstances where there is a genuine need to for your or someone else's safety is aggressive (and I want to stress here that pwASPD are not in any way the only ones that have aggression - every person does). The instinct and subsequent action of punching the wall were both aggression (bonus points on the ASPD scale/j /lh for the "reckless disregard for safety/wellbeing" of yourself there). Yelling, throwing things (yes, even light things), and other forms of intimidation are also usually considered aggressive. Even so much as trying to imply that you would cause harm to someone as a reaction to something is usually considered aggressive, too. Many pwASPD cope with aggression by redirecting it onto things such as violent games/movies/tv/true crime/etc. If you're doing that in response to something upsetting you with the intention of basically living vicariously through the violence or being calmed specifically by the discussion or simulation of violence, you might just be redirecting aggression without being conscious of it because of your limitations. Again with the convenience point, it's very much within the realm of possibility that your desire to not spend 3 days in pain may outweigh your willingness to give in to the aggression.

Everything you've described here definitely can fit within the realm of ASPD aggression (more accurately, clinically significant aggression not necessarily just associated with ASPD in particular), in my very much non-professional opinion.

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#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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mejomonster · 1 month

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Now that I have given Sherlock Holmes Chapter One more time to unfold. I really love the writing. Like just cannot get over it tbh. I want to wrap myself in it. I'm having euphoria after the pains of (what moffat did once upon a time) and my villaineve girlies (and the ending after so much solid stuff beforehand).

It feels 1 like i real Sherlock Holmes story (as in written well, flawed growing characters, respectful to source material AND respectful to us the audience) while also feeling fresh (its a prequel so a lot of freedom to show a new young sherlock with flaws turning into someone more recognizable as he heals and grows, cases i dont know the answer of, and a pretty damn grounded childhood trauma emotional pains fucking relatable heart thread through a wilder more dramatic murder cases arc). The only game i can think ti compare it to is the Ryu Ga Gotoku games, specifically Judgement if you took just the detective gameplay. Like? While I think Judgements gameplay is a bit funner, I think Sherlock Holmes Chapter One has more in depth side cases so if you're a mystery lover it balances out (now Judgement's main case appears more in depth a bit, but its a huge fucking game so its to be expected). What I think they both do Right, is make u feel like ur the detective

In SHCO case the moral dillema of how well or sucky u solve a case and the consequences and the fact u CAN be wrong and arrest an innocent party make the stakes feel very high, the fact most suspects are guilty of Some cruel stuff but not always the murder means ur also debating morally what u think is gonna be the best thing to do out of multiple imperfect options even if u feel sure you know who the killer is... i am truly IMPRESSED with how well SHCO handles morally grey suspects and the choices u make about the outcomes, i havent seen it in many games and its made me question myself in Even Less games. The opening tutorial case is a basic example of whats to come: if u dont collect all evidence, u may not be totally sure who killed the victim, and can justify accusing either suspect. Then once u accuse them, u have to justify to Yourself if u are going to advocate they be punished severely or given some leniency. The rest of the cases play with this but go deeper.

Also like Judgement (and all yakuza games), it just does a very good job of building a realistic world (as much as budget allows anyway). Judgement is in Tokyo, so theres OLD people! Kids! Americans! Koreans! Countryside people! Rich, poor, middle class etc. Criminals, police, civilians, politicians, celebrities! illegal immigrants. There's east asian people, white people, black people, south asian people, there's people with mixed heritage, there's people that speak or don't speak various languages. Basically Judgement feels more like how you'd actually expect interacting in a city to feel, compared to a significant chunk of games (especially if u go older) where there is just no thought put into immigration or class or the myriad of real complexities of life for the variety of people that exist in the real world. There's some game simplifications like repeated npc lines, and then side quests and main stories flesh out various characters more (and SHCO uses case notes and info to flesh out in the way RGG game side story cutscenes and mini game plots do). Those are budget and time constraints. But like. SHCO has this grounded sort of game feel where you run across a city that feels like a realistic city of various people, and the social issues affecting people in it, where the characters in cases are a more fleshed out reflection of the people in the city, and where the social situations impacting everyone play out in more detailed ways as part of the case stories. Like fuck, I'm in the case with the painting now and. Its both got a lot to say about 1880s british empire and effects on a myriad of fucking people (and systematic abuses and damaging power structures), and as with much of history its got a lot to say about now. From the way power and social position influences ability to abuse and lack of remorse, immigration, international trade, colonization, racism, patriarchy, the extreme differences in personal background in how everyone involved acts and reacts and considers whats going on. Or the elephant case, where sherlock both in some ways reflects the society he exists in (sexism wise) and is also growing from that (self aware that the daughter is a person with as much decision power or more than him, unlike her own father's view of her, respecting Paul's situation while navigating a society where they both know the norm in comparison, recognizing that he's driven by his own desire to understand his Mom as a person when for so long he's had her on a pedestal and convinced himself of lies to himself about meek/strong Mothers and how it clouded his actual understanding of Violet as a person possibly struggling mentally in many similar ways to how he is). Like the elephant case is so simple in a lot of ways... but how many storiea have i seen where women just wouldnt have been written as equal, or as fleshed out characters, where Violet wouldnt be considered this in depth? Not just set in this time period but any time period tbh (it wasnt until the last maybe 10 years that movies and shows, sometimes, got a lot better with this to the point i could find it easier to avoid media that wrote women like lamps). I remember reading Fingersmith by Sarah Waters and how THRILLED i was to see realistic women in that time setting for a story (phenomenal novel btw). So like, starting SHCO i didnt know how fair the story would be to all inhabitants in it, and so far its wonderfully gone for a realistic grounded approach with characters that feel thoughtful in a world that is fleshed out and feels solid.

#sherlock holmes chapter one #shco #lb #also yes. again yakuza games (despite thw ridiculousness) make Real World feel quite solid in their worlds #rgg games do good at making places u feel are mostly real and u could visit (i mean minus a chicken as a real estate agent #and minus ridiculous Heat moves etc). but like the core frame of the world design is always #fairly lovingly made to resemble the real cities and populaces #so few games u run into old ladies just living life. or old men being dorks. or children who're making dumb choices #but rgg games do phenomenal at depicting all those average realistic people #and the shco game likewise seems to like to put in fairly realistic average people alongside its spies etc

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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☕️ the prank! how do u think it went down, when, howd it affect their trust or timeline of getting together, etc. i know its common in fics to make the prank a huge fucking deal that almost breaks the marauders or has remus not talking to sirius for weeks which i find interesting bc i think according to canon sirius wasnt remorseful at all about it? and remus forgive him pretty quickly and casually (either bc he didnt want to lose his friends or maybe he just didnt care - he does after all at one point say they were idiots when they were kids and almost getting caught as animagi several times and not really taking things seriously). obviously it doesnt have to follow jkrs version of events but im curious what u think abt it all!

oh boy oh boy oh boy okay let's get into it i think. this might be a long one. i LOVE the prank as i have talked about on this blog in the past xx

personally i think there are so many ways to write the prank and just SO much to explore with it so. it is difficult for me to choose one set story of how i think it went down because i think it would depend on what story i was writing it into!! however hmmm how can i go about this...i think i'm gonna break it down step by step maybe and kinda talk about my preferred interpretations for each bit? so...here u go!

sirius telling snape

ok so when i am writing sirius. well one thing about him is that he IS a little mean to me. like i do not think kindness comes naturally to him i think it's something he has to work at and that if he isn't watching himself he can just be careless with other people's feelings, which is why he's a bit of a bully to the people he doesn't like. so while i can see interpretations of the prank where he is like...very intentionally and maliciously trying to put snape in danger, for whatever reason, and while i can also see interpretations where it was 100% unintentional and he was even tricked or forced or whatever, i prefer to take an approach sort of in between those two extremes.

so for me, sirius telling snape is generally more of like...a snapping situation. like there's other shit going on in sirius's life with his family (because this is the year he ran away, right? and i usually imagine the prank happening sometime after that) that he's dealing with and i think he is ALSO discovering his queerness and dealing with being closeted or perhaps trying very hard to suppress his feelings for a certain best friend that also make him particularly protective of said best friend and less willing to deal with snape's shit. and i imagine like all this going on and snape getting sirius alone at some point and antagonizing him in some way about remus or where the marauders all keep sneaking off to, and sirius just breaks and snaps at snape in a fit of anger where he's like. giving into that meanness that comes so easily and just wants to insult snape and yell at him. and i think sirius isn't really expecting snape to actually. go down the tunnel that very night but at the same time i think he's a bit careless about it as previously stated and just does not think through the full consequences and like storms off in a huff. and then once he realizes what he's done at first he like tries to tell himself snape probably WOULDN'T because he's embarrassed and guilty and doesn't want to admit he's fucked up...but then eventually he does tell the others and well. that's when james goes to the rescue!

snape going down the tunnel

so this is another point where i think there's quite a bit open to interpretation, because sure we hear that harry's dad supposedly saved snape's life, but...well let's be honest that could be an exagerrated account. as others have pointed out snape's worst memory is not this night, but rather a different instance where he clashed with the marauders. so! i think there's really quite a range here. you could write snape going down the tunnel as if he was barely in any danger at all and james just yanked him out right after he caught a glimpse or heard something that confirmed remus was a werewolf, or you could write a whole dramatic showdown where james had to face down with the wolf and risked his life to save snape.

personally i like to make things a little bit dramatic here, just for the angst. obviously james probably can't actually transform in front of snape if this is canon-compliant because snape didn't know the animagi secret, right? but...well i supposed james could like shove snape down the tunnel shut the door and then transform or something. so i do like this section with a little bit more risk, where james is perhaps put in a bit of danger as well, simply because i think it makes the opportunities for angst in the next section a little juicier <3

the fallout

aaaaand the part that everyone really loses their minds over!! again, quite a range of options here all of which i think are fertile ground for exploration, and obviously however u wrote the scene of snape going down the tunnel and sirius telling snape are going to impact the fallout a lot. again, i can see the interpretation where all of the marauders are really, really upset with sirius and sort of turn against him for a while, where there's some huge split in the friend group, etc etc. i can also see the interpretation that takes the canon more at its word when sirius and remus brush the incident off years later, and say that remus honestly didn't care that much once it became clear that no one was hurt and his secret wasn't going to get out.

however, following along from my interpretation of sirius-snapping-at-snape and somewhat tense tunnel danger, i once again like to take more of a middle ground approach between these two extremes. i quite enjoy prank angst where remus feels incredibly betrayed, even once he understands that sirius didn't intend to out his secret and that it was largely just carelessness, because i think sirius being careless with this secret would still really, really hurt remus. i also love when this is like...just around the time that both r + s are discovering their feelings for each other and still sort of dancing around it, because that just twists the knife a little bit more in them suddenly falling apart for a while as sirius repents and remus tries to figure out whether he can forgive sirius and like...deal with the pain of knowing this person who knows him so intimately in so many ways still doesn't understand how being a werewolf affects him.

however, for me this is not a situation where all the marauders turn against sirius. i think james's loyalty to his friends is one of his biggest blind spots, and i also like to write him with this tendency towards a bit of black and white thinking when it comes to morality as an additional flaw, such that he can't really believe that his friends, the people he loves, could ever actually be bad people. because...they're his friends! of course they're good! and in this way, i think the prank fallout can be used for really good foreshadowing about how these flaws will later come back to hurt james during the war.

so for me, james is upset with sirius, but he forgives him very quickly--perhaps even too quickly--because...well of course sirius didn't mean to!! sirius is a marauder! he's their best friend! he's dealing with a lot of shit, and james has a unqiue insight into that shit, being the person who sirius ran away to! and sirius is a good person, so obviously he deserves forgiveness! it was a horrible mistake, but nobody was actually hurt!

i think peter mostly goes along with james, because to me a canon peter is more concerned with james than either remus or sirius. like, i think him having a sort of secondary role within the friendgroup where he's always sort of following james around fits very much with his canon characterization and also sets up well, again, for his actions during the war. i also think peter wouldn't care very much, because...well. i don't think canon peter is a great person or has the strongest moral compass. i kinda feel like he'd be like "no one was hurt, all's well that end's well, let's just move on," though of course he would never say that out loud, because clearly all his friends think this is very upsetting.

and then. of course. remus and sirius.

to me, the prank is a critical moment in their relationship. like i said before, i imagine the prank happening just as their sort of beginning to explore their attraction to each other and the possibility that they might be more than just friends. for remus, i think the prank is sort of a wake-up call and a reminder that he and sirius have lived very different lives, and there are certain things about him that sirius will probably just...never understand. i also think it's a moment where remus sees a darker side of sirius, in that like...well remus has grown up with sirius and he knows this kid can be kind of mean sometimes, but he's never been on the other end of that. but now he knows that sirius, as hard as he tries, is still someone who just. hurts the people he loves sometimes. in very brutal ways. and the fact that it's largely unintentional almost makes it worse. because how can remus blame him? how can remus hold him accountable when he didn't even mean to do it?

so for remus i think it's this moment where he has to sort of balance the scales and decide if this budding love he feels for sirius is like...worth it, almost. if it's enough to override all the parts where they don't fit, all the ways they can hurt each other. and i think the fact that he does, eventually, choose to forgive sirius is an incredibly important indication of how much he loves him, and what he is willing to do for that love.

and for sirius this is also very much a wake-up call. like, up to this point i feel like sirius has very much sort of been this spiraling hot mess because of just all the shit building up with his family and him dealing with the aftermath of running away and being disowned. but this is a point where he has to step back and realize--hey, i don't want to be this kind of person. i don't want to be the guy that hurts the people he loves just because he's careless, and angry, and lashing out in whatever way he can to try and get a grip on a life that feels so largely out of his control. and i think it's also a wake-up call that there are things he hasn't understood about remus or hasn't really tried to understand, that since remus being a werewolf has never mattered that much to him (and has even been almost this fun thing, where it's like hey let's become animagi and run around during the full moon!) he just....hasn't considered how much it impacts remus's life. he's been selfish. and he doesn't want to be selfish anymore, because remus matters to him so much, and above all, he doesn't want to lose that. the prank, to me, marks a restructuring of sirius's priorities, and a sort of renewed focus on trying to actually become a better person and deal with his shit.

so i like to imagine...like, a pretty lengthy period of time, ranging anywhere from a few months up to like a year, during which remus and sirius are a bit estranged as they're both figuring all this shit out. and of course that places strain on their friend group--and i think this is the perfect time for remus to get a lot closer with lily, as he seeks out other friends when he doesn't want to be around sirius. but i do think that remus begins to slowly forgive sirius, and they just naturally start to float back together, until they finally do have like. one big conversation one day where they talk about what happened and remus forgives sirius. and i think that marks such an important shift in their relationship, and things get a lot more serious for them from there, because they have both now prioritized each other in a way that they were sort of dancing around before. regardless of how quickly they get together afterwards, i feel like it's after the prank that they each really become each other's person, because they both know they never want to lose the other like that again.

and there u have it!! my take on the prank. like i said, i can see lots of different interpretations even within the constraints of canon, but i think this is my favorite one <3

#ask

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excaive · 2 years

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these asks are directly aimed at your brain worms of the day, mostly bc i can't pick so , go ape Sun- are they a morning person? whats the first thing they do when they wake up and moon - what's their biggest wishes

brain worms of the day is the brain worm of the month! It's KJ :3

☀️ SUN - are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

KJ wakes up at the same time every day in the morning.

7:37am. 3 snooze alarms with 3 minute intervals. If they don't get up within those 9 minutes they're gonna have a bad mental day but literally no one will notice a difference.

I can't say specifically what they do first thing in the morning bc I don't know but it involves doing some actions repeatedly 3 or 7 times. or a mix of both. Then they're set for having a good day :]

🌙 MOON - what is your oc’s greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

MAN.....

That entirely depends on where they are in their life.

They probably wish they'd stop with the extreme self-loathing but you'll never catch them admit that and they're gonna do the exact opposite to achieve that and feed into the hate because they don't believe they deserve better :')

KJ hates themself an ungodly amount, but they also have a lot of care for those around them - and that includes their parasite worm Jamie.

They just didn't consider their carelessness towards themself would eventually have consequences for their parasite in a situation where KJ is actually alive to face said consequences.

Take away their worm and. well......

Wormless KJ want absolutely nothing more than their parasite back and they feel so unbelievably guilty because it was entirely their own fault. Which is delicious fuel for their self-loathing </3 Not only is their parasite vital for KJ to function normally, but they've tried so, SO hard to not let their self-loathing affect those around them - and it affected the one thing that's closest to them. And now they're so exposed and vulnerable with nothing to keep it in check.

I WILL SAY THO KJ eventually treats themself with kindness, though actually loving themself is gonna take more work if it ever happens. Only reason they try to be nicer to themself is because Roger was annoyingly persistent in keeping in touch to be there for them when they got their worm rights revoked bc that was pure agony and hell for an unbearable amount of time LOL (KJ does get their worm back don't worry i'm not that cruel <3)

THANK U FOR THE ASK!! enjoy the pain

[OC EMOJI ASK POST]

#ask #ask meme #ocs #killjoye #cai arts #hm. drawing kj upset is such another flavor than just writing it #also the marks on their face is from them scratching themself #they LITERALLY don't know how to cope and everything sucks so badly #also death glare at tumblr for giving me a white screen when i was almost done writing.#making me write pain and agony twice? that's mean man

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sgcairo · 2 years

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I’m amazed (and in love) with how u still hold onto dottore’s apathetic trait. Ik it’s obvious but I see a lot of people brushing it off, I personally dislike it..

Can you please speak about him and emotions more? So much light on pantalone pls don’t abandon the doctor😞 hehe. Not necessarily between babyttore and pantalone but also other things such as grief anger and love (also loneliness I’m curious)

Do u think someone before outed him about his (dottore’s) actions and how he doesn’t realize/care abt the consequences of them and how they affect others? If yes could u please explain dottore’s inner and outer reaction? Sorry im so Inlove with your characterization 😆

Honestly, I hate it when people brush off the fact that yes, he's an apathetic bastard. That's the whole point of his character, the risk of science without morals. And I like theorizing about it, because psychology is interesting and I'm a psychology nut.

I got you on the emotions bit. I kind of went over these in some of my previous answers to your asks, but it's time to deep dive, as it's my favorite thing to do other than write stupid fanfiction and read my books.

Here's the thing: Dottore is hard to characterize at times because I really can't relate to apathy, so it's a lot of speculation. He's just as crazy as they get, and I just have to let go of my own moral standpoints when thinking in his general perspective. No morals, just arson and destruction.

Dottore is a man of few emotions in general. And that's why he's so confused when Babytorre invokes some of these strange feelings within him. He's a wild card with how he feels, and honestly seems a bit scattered in terms of how his emotions present themselves. His anger is manifested in the destruction of the things he's worked so hard to create, his satisfaction is shown through lack of work on these projects, instead used as time to go bother others or take a moment to sit down and consider the outcomes.

But for things such as grief and love, he doesn't understand them. It's not that he doesn't feel them, he just can't recognize them when they happen. The first time he feels anything close to either, he thinks he's sick, as physical sensations equivalent to actual love are foreign to him. He's so detached from feeling them that he can't even tell what they are anymore, and that's where the whole "apathy" portion really strikes hard.

He just lacks the understanding and conceptualization of these feelings, which makes him detached from his victims. He does it because he believes in furthering his research, but also because he can't relate to the feelings that stem from having unpleasant experiences. He detached those feelings long ago, and now he can't exactly recover them easily, as he doesn't know them anymore.

Within childhood, there's a crucial stage of psychological development that's called "preconceptual morality". Basically, it's the idea that most of a child's actions are typically egocentric, or surrounding their own self interest. Dottore is the perfect example of a lack of development past this stage. He does only what benefits him. The definition of preconceptual morality also spreads to adults "under extreme pressure". So Dottore's own responsibilities ambitions and self imposed expectations may be a root cause of this, or simply his own lack of moral exemplifications.

He's quite literally a psychopath. I could throw all my above analysis away by just saying that his brain doesn't comprehend emotions, and his violent tendencies have stemmed from that in their own right.

But loneliness is an interesting emotion, as Dottore is unfamiliar with feeling lonely. He's always been a man that works alone, that much is clear. And by feeling lonely... It's not an emotion he's ever really felt or recognized as an actual ability.

From a psychological standpoint, we develop our ideas of emotions through our guardians/caretakers. They teach us what we're feeling and how to deal with that. Part of me wonders if Dottore just wasn't told no or that manifesting his feelings in such unproductive ways was bad. Either he has parent issues, or he just completely lacks the emotional awareness that most people have.

And yes, Pantalone in particular outed him about how he doesn't understand feelings, and that he's heartless. Basically chewed him out for being inconsiderate, especially towards Pantalone himself.

And let's just say that Dottore reacted poorly. I like to think that he doesn't yell, but he definitely has a warning tone, the "I'm dangerous and I could mutilate you if I pleased" type of tone. Pantalone is one of the few people below him that isn't terrified of it. Dottore wouldn't be visibly shaken, he's too good at keeping his physical displays of emotion in check.

But internally, I would think that Dottore wouldn't feel much of anything at all. In fact, he might even agree. But depending on the situation, it would also make the tiniest crack in his chest, for all the unpleasant feelings to leak out. He definitely knows what it's like to feel defeat and anger, along with frustration and jealousy. He lacks the counter balance for them. He would likely feel his own form of frustration, especially because Pantalone dares speak to him like that, much less after everything the Doctor has done for him. How dare he go against Dottore, they were on the same side.

Arguably, I think Pantalone's opinion is the only one Dottore would respect, every once in a blue moon. Only because he's the only Harbinger that doesn't actively pursue murder and instead plays the game of manipulation. And when two manipulative bastards are honest with each other for once... It doesn't end well.

So there's my brainrot for that. Hopefully it makes sense, I wrote this in the middle of the night with only two braincells skipping in circles to the "it's corn" meme.

Dottore is just a mess of a man, there's no explaining it. I cannot with his thought process, it just jumps around like a possessed Easter bunny.

Meanwhile Pantalone is just enough of a bastard to be coherent, there's a reason why I live their dynamic. Scattered and composed, the perfect complementary personalities.

#il dottore #il dottore character study #help this was written at midnight #pantalone #babytorre #fatui harbingers #fatui headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #psychopathy #have you seen how he dresses #please

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hi-there-cake · 11 months

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do u have anythingf u want to say about ghost eyes so farrrR????

hm!!! i think its very inch resting!! there are some parts i dont like (emilio is. Like That without pills + carmello’s whole deal seeming unrealistic like when he stops bullying rudy after rudy pleads and his crush gets a hold of him (though i still need to read more of it!!) but otherwise i like it a lot! it feels a bit like a case study almost both due to being “uncensored” as well as the either intentional or unintentional themes. i like how pobodys nerfect in this story, like lots of them are just kind of dicks but in the end theyre still good people. expectations are kind of toyed with like when yfirst meet luther you think hes going to be one of those . stereotypical abusive angry uncles(IM SO SORRY LUTHER) BUT HES NOT!!! despite or even because of the way he is hes one of the most positive influences in tobias’s life ever. or rudy seeming sweet (he is) but theres always that undercurrent of him being sharper than he seems to be. i say sharper not as an allegory for smartness but like in tobias’s analogy- a cupcake but with needles inside. sweet but it can hurt. rudy is also interesting just for how he plays with the idea of being kind? like hes kind and he cares for others but hes not a doormat. he has self respect and will stop being friends with someone if they continue to hurt him (at least thats what i think so far). part of the way he is being in part due to ben and his experiences is very smart like. that Seems like it should be character writing 101 past being important but like. i guess i dont see it much (<- guy who is a botw fan and does not often read other media, i guess it feels like the past of other characters besides the main characters isnt really developed. though rudy is technically a main character but not The main charscyer. i could be very wrong however. the detail about the horror movies is something i like to see (not for rudy but as a writing detail). tobias being naive and opening up more/caring for others the more hes at school is so nice to me. that feels #real, and tobias learning and growing is just fun to see. the advocacy for rebelling with luther is my favorite part i think like YES KING ROB A BANK!!! LIFE IS YOUR OYSTER!!! and the life is your oyster despite the circumstances also feels a bit like a theme, what with tobias breaking the cycle of being totally sheltered as well as possibly being able to save himself from the edburt cycle. also i do like how misunderstandings arent played so… dramatically i guess? like when edburt takes control of tobias and says Shit to rudy and tobias breaks free instead of like. acting betrayed and trying to run from tobias/whatever is common with misunderstandings hes still there for tobias, for worse and for better. he still invites him to go to halloween and tobias is able to explain why he talked to carmello. he didnt mention edburt which is. understandable but worries me for their friendship but they were still there for each other. this is all surface level stuff im sure but it feels impactful. like a well written psa about friendship and instead of the problem being something like. small like “i forgor it was their birthday” youre actually a dick but you can still make it up to them (tbf i do also like psas like that (pokemon) but this isnt targeted for kids. its trying to get a very real message out there). at the same time it also doesnt tolerate abuse and shows the side effects of said abuse, as well as showing abuse that doesnt Seem major but still affects the person all the same (ben and rudy to me). dissing christianity like that is so based. it also shows how abusers are people all the same but it doesnt excuse their actions (ben). edburt having lore and metatext Reasons is very cool to me, like edburt himself is a metaphor in my eyes for. well i would say suppressing yourself and the consequences thereof but i dont think thats Really It. idk that scene of toby and rudy together before edburt comes for him means Something i just dont know what yet. its also interesting how emilio calls toby “a perfect creature” despite tobias

being . Like That (though its not his fault). i also dont know what that means but it means something especially with the pobodys nerfect notion. i wish i could say more but i dunno what else to say. well simons theology is very based. yeah Man i really do wish i could say more…….

#HI DEX THANK UOU!!!#i wish i could do a deeper analysis but i!! dont have the capacity to do that methinks #anyways gjost eyes is cool

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tonylight99 · 2 years

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Must I hold alot misunderstanding about love? and what It means? and what it does? and how it makes other humans feel when they absorb? what I am giving can I sense a pattern where even if I love and care and cherrish there a sense of purpose missing? and a sense of missing pieces and sense of missing identity? does loving other make me whole as a human or do I just love the idea of other humans giving me love that I feel I don't deserve ?does the love I deserve hold any weight and passions and care behind or is it just pushing events forward without meaning ?to can there be a sense of meaning in the way I want to be Loved and cared or is the love that I crave hold meaning that only I wish I deserved? for love u can always be sure to wonder if other humans have loved and cared for one another or if they can ever love and care for u and all the damage and chaos u have done and said to them? being loved and wanting to be Loved can capture ideas and concepts aiming towards a honest truth can that truth and honest ever being aimed towards u? Can you ever feel like a understanding is happening ? Can u ever feel like the love u crayy can ever be Pointed towards you? Can u ever feel like humans want to know and see what can I do to support and love u for who u are ? Is love the idea of a human or the human being the idea that u ever want to be true and present to you? Does everyone just love differently and I can't accept the way others want to be Loved cause I feel the love I provide is the best?

Does everyone ever feel presented in the love they can or can't understand or do they just love in hopes of seeing a human who doesn't seem to found of it? Pieces of love and heart aren't not to be found and aren't not to be alone but also aren't meant to seem unreasonable either Does anyone understand and find value in missing pieces of themselves finding there own morals and values are more nonexistent? and more not reachable for if they don't want to understand the type of human they want to become? then why must we connect with those who seem not willing to find morals and values with wants desires and decisions? those who have no clue or idea what Thoughts they have cause they misunderstand and misrepresente how those thoughts and emotion even process before the for if they knew there own thoughts and emotion in more healthy ways one could say hope in being hopeful could last? or could it just be a outcome no one will ever actually want or work towards? could humans be more willing to server no valuve or principles to themselves knowing all mistakes that redefined issues inside of them? Could humans be destroyed and be reborn and not know how to receive and spread what is necessary for there own nature to be sealed within them?Could humans be welcoming and caring without spreading the evil and deceiving matters closing there own sickening pleasures ?

Could humans protect and support and love without mind games portraying them to be someone who isn't what they actually are?

Could humans be damaged and burried noticing that no changes will ever help and satisfy such energy that is feeding and crawling to hurt and wound them?

Could humans allow such pity and distant to be presented before them without consequences that they will face underneath hollow masks ? Human nature is it to be solved and guided through changes commenced and controlled cause no one else will forsee what will be there own nature to be gone and lost beneath ways not fixing and working to see what issues can be distracted and what issues can be contained and communicated correctly Does someone true nature read through issues being solved or do such issues being solve remain hidden and uncertain due previous encounter affecting outcomes and possibilities closing in on each other fortune? Can such fortunes survive in slaved to his own ideas and concepts forgetting what allows him to be understanding to his own degree bewareing his own centership to himself and his givings?mustn't he forgive and proclaim morals and values that don't seem shallow and haunted in his own ownerships to his own justice that includes responses and closure not allowing one's who monster to be natured and protected? If there own monster can be supported and loved then can my own monster inside of me learn to belive and behave as his own morals and values tell him to ? Can I allow my own monster to be understanding and loving not bring misery and tortement to others for that is what he is against? If he is not allowed to nature and secure his own monster then will it be free and mistaken for being a hero that isn't need in times of compassion ? Can such compassion bring understanding and peace to what issues that have only made him to be more human ?

Does being more human create and allow his own justice to be mistreated and mistaken for hatred and disspontiment? Does his own heroism cause him to want to change and save everyone around him no mater issues and problems they have risen around them?

Is it only possible to change and allow what is needed and not needed and not established and solved through mysteries and unknown reasons and worries taken as love ?

Is there such a idea of wrong ways to love and support a human who is in confusion on the words I am speaking for if the words I am speaking can spark and care for another it can also damage and control and damage others that is taken as my own monster and justice to have been also mistreated and not loved properly What principles and morals must I comprehend and understand in order to figure out what must I cherish and what must I hold to the ground? Is there something in my mind not letting me to understand and forgive others based on the actions they have caused me ? Is there actions and decisions they are making that leave me in distance and disappointment in how they handle themselves from inside ? Is there a action they can take and propser in order for me to allow and control my own morals and egoism in hopes of being seeing as allies not enemies?

Is everything taken and said by me given by misinformed humans granted and subtracted by there own reality and limited to such purpose within? Is allowing my own values to be adjusted and reprogrammed a step in my own nature or is it against my own nature not foreseeing damages ahead of myself ? Can someone true charcter be broken and well made cause if not broken not human if not well made not formed maybe I should learn to not allow my own foolish ideas and concepts on to humans? Maybe I shouldn't expect there to be humans who have all what is together inside of them cause someone may never even learn how to be but I mustn't try to save them if they don't want to be saved ? What damages may be involved and erasable due to such selfishness and dishonest in mind does my own selfishness cause me to remove what someone is inside of what someone can be ?

Can someone be a a normal human being from my view point without there being a list of demands and claims not serving well to my own proclaimed justice I so speak of?

Does such justice and self-centered actions blind me to how others feel and how others have handles there own pain and suffering is it because i feel that there better ways to handle such pain and suffering or must I realize everyone has such answers and rules to how they want to be shown to the world around them Doesn't my own nature and principles escape and danger others with beholding precious values that may contain devastating consequences and regret? Is true freedom in your mind acquired with words or acquired with lessons or acquired in control of reasons downplaying ones meaning is attacked?if meaning is being controlled and conquered can someone who meaning and passion be the cause of someone who failures? What meaning and punishment purposely closes principles and morals if what is being shown is only necessary for danger and dangerous?

If punishment and pain could be produced and provided could one whole future be full of happiness and smiles if the understanding of sides could reach a point of closure? If both sides were damaged and burreid through love and support were there be any love and supportive that would actually hold meaning to there lives? Doesn't both sides try to control and maniplaute each in need of something not reachable and recognizable but in serch of small business not favors of knowing but favors of achieving?how could both sides prevent and wonder what lessons and pain they could worrie about If they misunderstand there own lessons and pain but misinformation from others in spectrum of same said nonsense? Does someone from both sides begin to wonder what does my life meaning to u inside of how my life would benefit from you and serve u as my love and treat of compassion and company?

Doesn't compassion and love serve as needs of love and heart but only mistreated and wounded by others mind gaming there foolish tricks of despair ? What despair is needed and what despair is selfish is despair meaninglessness or is despair meaningful what despair will be the end of ur salvation or a turn of events that shall help u accomplish What is really being driven by my desires is it exucaution or lack of understand or lack of awareness being shot down to obvilion as body language moves past sentences? Does my own desires get mashed and crashed of unfulfling similarities damaging my internal soul and possibilities? What possibilities being disregarded and closed subtracting principles and morals escaping there own manners from being disrespectful and designed to counter react to chocies of unwanted? Is being wanted and desired not intended in my own meaning and purpose to the point where if am wanted that is destroyed if needed that is used if not broken is destructive? Where does being destructive inside bring me joy and peace from within seconds of happiness not delivering my true reflection of morals?

Does my own morals and principles hold pieces of regret and implications replacing my own monster to be shown and not tamed and disengaged with the ability to connect with others who only see a opportunity instead of a human? Do I see humans as opportunities to bring forth my own morals and principles as outlines to there own failures and misgivings to detach there own needs as selfishness when my own selfishness is showing underneath layers? Do I witness my own opportunities as disappointing due to feeling my own disappointies don't make me redeemable and worthy for love and compassion in slaved to my own ego as a toy for the decisions I have made?does my own ego play a misery in roles of serving as worthy but not being able to save ones who I seem to love and care due to previous encounters? Does someone true deserve to be saved or should we save them no matter the issues and actions and consequences they have done to each other who deserves to be redeemed and who deserves to Perrish Does identifying someone morals and values create separation and controlling tactics upon them while displaying acts of kindness in shapes of broken pieces? Does my own pieces and puzzles bring disposable actions and decisions conflicting with my ability to see who am able to connect with properly? Does my decions realy on someone else love and compassion for me and how does it make me happy and loving and knowing I can be there for someone despite them not being there for me?does such entitlement bring issues and problems unresolved within posion and hatred inside hopeless and regret of one's prison and desires? Does someone love make me feel more human or make me feel more desirable and wanted is there a idea of love and compassion that i feel I wanted but don't understand the causes of how to receive what I feel I am owned? Does someone who is wanted and desirable feel more love or feel more hatred and wounds for how others how treated there own mind with stupidity?

Does ones stupidity remain in chances of charcter who is wondering if someone love and caring is there for a creature like him as if such creature hasn't said stupid and pathetic things himself ? Is anyone justified in there own acts of evil qualities and kindness in selves of regret and misdirection including someone who is misunderstood and someone who doesn't understand who they are?

If someone who is misunderstood deconstructes the human who doesn't know who they are he misses hopes of connecting with them he misses the hopes of being cared from them ? Will someone want to get to know a creature who understands what he wants but doesn't understand how he wants it to be and proclaimed before he's eyes if he knows what type of human he wants to love will he find humans who he understands and they understand him or it this just a fantasys of a creature true heart and morality Where could ones true intentions and intelligence be if one Is occupied with his desires that don't fit in with his morals and principles in line of what is necessary? Could ones desire prove to benefit and destroy what he created and witnessed in between barriers of meaning and punishment? Could ones punishment and glory be defined by his desires in shapes of principles and values broken inside of the mind with kindness formed by heart and love? Does ones heart and love contain principles and values not being spoken directly in action but only in silence inside himself? Could ones spoken words be told in beautiful and wonde ways instead of foolish ways changed from past failures and destruction trapping charcter fallacies from being reintroduced? Do such fallacies include ones intangled with my own morals and values where they can be readjusted to be more helpful towards everyone around?

If someone is being used and forced into judgment then must my own judgment be the reason I grow and form my own morals and principles from within a helping hand?

If that helping hand can be made and loved and supported through what my morals and values say they are instead of confusion

From previous sayings towards influences around me? Do influences and sayings have a effect on my morals and values as statements said with passion or statements said by those not worth to form realistic values themselves?

If such values were taken and loaded from me onto others would there be a understanding of a human like me or will nonsense flood the brains and create concepts instead of actual humans

#philosophy

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astrologybyana · 3 years

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lot of spirit / part of spirit

hii babies, i'm back! in this post, our focus is on our lot of spirit ✨

lot of spirit tells us about where we can experience abundance in life

it is also believed by some astrologers that this placement in our chart shows how our spirit guides are like

so i'm just gonna connect those two and say it's your higher self whispering in your ear how your soul can find satisfaction hahah

its formula is ascendant + moon - sun

however, to find where your lot of spirit is located, you can simply go to astro.com, choose “free horoscopes” and then “extended chart selection”

from house systems, choose “whole signs” and write "37452" to the additional objects part, and there it is!

you can also access to my masterpost, here 🎈

it’s a long post so i cut it from here 🧚🏻‍♀️

lot of spirit in aries / 1st house

very passive earlier in life, you probably didn't like arguments and confrontation

and gave in easily bc you didn't wanna be alone

which means u might have been taken for granted a lot

you have learnt / are learning / should learn (lol sorry...) how to overcome this fear of yours tho

let people come to you and when the time comes, let them go, to let abundance in your life

once you get the hang of it, your need for indepence will take over and you'll see success comes easily with your leadership abilities 🌸

lot of spirit in taurus / 2nd house

you might not have felt good enough while growing up

in relationships, you might be the one who is more giving

pulling back from intense people might be good for you because you are prone to sacrificing yourself

and what you need is your own sense of "self", what you need is "you" separately

you are probably drawn to people who are wealthy and materalistic

others might challenge your self development but this is the area you need to work on anyways ✨

lot of spirit in gemini / 3rd house

you might have felt like you haven't been understood / listened enough while growing up, you might have had communication issues

you can read between the lines

you observe how people communicate, you can understand body language and gests and mimics easily

so it's hard to manipulate you, though, it might be easy for you to manipulate others

you probably make scenarios in your head to see how things can go

you might need to work on mind flexibility 🕊

lot of spirit in cancer / 4th house

family approval is important to you, uou feel like you need to belong somewhere, anywhere

because you might not have felt the emotional connection you wanted to feel as a child

the lack of emotional connection might have been with one parent or both; they might have been aloof or distant, physically or emotionally

in relationships, you may feel responsible like you need to carry the traditional roles of a gender

you like knowing what's going to happen, it might give you a feeling of security

having a job that where you take care of others will probably be good for you 🦄

lot of spirit in leo / 5th house

you might feel like you haven't been a child really, or you haven't had fun a lot

you might have grown up in an area with people that are very different than you

you wanted to be popular, but those differences did not really let you

and feeling neglected by your peers probably blocked your creativity and heart chakra

you might have developed a wall around you, which you think protects your self esteem but the only thing it does is not let love in

you should learn how to be comfortable letting that wall down and reach out to others 💖

lot of spirit in virgo / 6th house

you might have grown up having to out a standart for certain stuff

you might have felt like you had to do what you were told, and you put high standarts to do those things, in order to get your parents' attention

however, this probably led you to put too much effort into everything you did

which might have made you feel like you were responsible for anything and everything

you might have a tendency to take things too personally

high standarts are good, don't get me wrong, but it might feel good to not critisize yourself and others too much and let things loose a little 🎈

lot of spirit in libra / 7th house

you love harmony and getting along and all that, but when you see unjustice, whoops 👀

you can't stand that shit. but good for you!

when you defend someone who feels support, you feel good, it's like everything is as it's supposed to be

but while fighting for others, you might tend to ignore your own problems

and no, sweetie, that's not good. you need harmony here, too

pls learn how to set boundries and take as much as you give 🌠

lot of spirit in scorpio / 8th house

you probably have developed a strong sense of self which lets you know when to help people, and when to step back

you might feel like you are unintentionally attracted stuff that are about other people's values

fear of failure, ✨a lot✨ which makes you driven to use your full potential in like anything

people might try to use their power on you, which triggers your sense of defence

you need to trust, but it's hard for you, you need to feel like you are loved as who you are

doing your own thing and achieving your personal success will open doors for you 💸

lot of spirit in sagittarius / 9th house

you might not have felt confident enough while growing up

you might have been in situations where you felt like you had to speak up, but you just couldn't because of your lack of confidence

you have a philosophical approache to life and you love expanding your mentality

you're intuitive, you just know when someone is genuine or not

you don't like small talk, you want to dig deeper and deeper

following your intuition and avoiding gossip etc. is the best thing to do here 🎀

lot of spirit in capricorn / 10th house

you had to learn how to take responsibility at a younger age

you were probably someone to step back and observe, you might have felt suppressed and feared of stepping outta line

because you knew there were consequences to face after doing something

as you grow up, life has probably challenged you by leaving you in situations where you have to deal with self esteem, and eventually developing it

you might also like to challenge yourself and see how much more you can accomplish

you'll find a feeling of satisfaction by facing your fears, gaining control over who you are, making your goals clear and achieving them 👑

lot of spirit in aquarius / 11th house

you might have no or little control over your identity while growing up, and it might have affected your social life

you might have had mood swings every now and then, which probably made you feel like your life was full of ups and downs, like a rollercoaster

although you're a very friendly person, but you might have felt like you never fit in, so you learnt to rely on yourself only

you are still discovering yourself, and that's beautiful

expressing your unique ideas will make you meet people like you

however, you should overcome your impulsivity in order not to experience outbursts 🎈

lot of spirit in pisces / 12th house

you probably think you are here to help people

what makes you think this way is that there have been so many people who needed you

you try to see the best in people, and while that's good, sometimes your sight might get too cloudy, which could lead to not seeing red flags

whenever you feel like your energy is draining, you need to get away

you tend to bottle up your own problems, and open up when you feel like you can trust someone 100%

you may find it difficult to say no, but that's exactly what you should learn 💖

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dreamsmp-au-ideas · 3 years

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GiH AU

Aight this tag is too filled w/ angsty stuff so imma put down some varying emotions here we go-

~When I saw the whole Phil getting summoned thing, I initially imagined that Phil does have wings, but they're damaged beyond repair. He's been in denial of being depressed because of the injury, even though it's essentially a limb being taken from him. An instinct, a flurry of memories being stolen from him with nothing he can do, but "He doesn't really need them anyways, it's fine, he's fine, don't worry about it. o/" (He's cried. Every night, when no one has to see those tatters and look at him with a glazed, empty pity. The Angel of Death, no longer able to soar. He despises every part about it.) Then the Gremlins show him brooms. Slowly but surely, it dawns on him - he can fly again. He can fly he can fly he can FLY HE CAN- oh stars he's crying isn't he. Madam Hooch was confused when the Gremlins brought Phil out to the field, begging to give 'Dadza' lessons, but wholly understood when she heard the howl of pure elation that ripped from Phil's voice as he shot to the clouds. Nobody saw him come down until he'd almost passed out from exhaustion. After that, he began carrying a broom with him everywhere, at all times. (I imagine he has it slung across his back for easy access.) He's never been more proud of the Gremlins, nor has he ever been so grateful for the one life he's been given.

~When Purpled is finally found, the Gremlins essentially have watch duty on him while he's recovering in the sick bay. None of them trust anyone to keep an eye on him anymore. He's not being taken from them again. This ends up with a lot of bonding moments, because they all accidentally start having theropay sessions with each other. Also there are many hugs. Also also this is when Tommy first does his "I'm-holding-your-face-to-show-affection" thing to Purpled. Tears.

~Based off of the headcanon that Phil has a bunch of crows following him around (his chat lol), when someone *cough cough u%bridge cough cough* pisses him off, the Crows just start getting fricken pissed. They're just so absolutely livid, they cover everything and where did the sun go. You don't anger Dadza's kind-of-children and expect no consequences. Meaning say goodbye to all your shiny stuff. And I mean all of it. Nothing for you haha :>

~I've developed a scenario in my head where the Gremlins are just walking through Hogwarts, being the chaotic little turds they are, when all of a sudden there's Dream. Just standing in the hallway. (At this point they all know he's with either the Ministry or the Deatheaters.) Of course, they all panic, making Dream notice their presence. Then, he starts levitating. Just hanging there, a foot off the ground. Everyone is freaking out even more because wtf he can fly now, but Tommy just gets a suspicious look on his face, staying completely still. He hasn't yet realized how absolutely screwed he is. 'Dream' begins to float towards them. It was at this moment that Tommy realized oh bloody h3ll that isn't Dream. It's so much worse. As Tommy runs for his life, begging a Drista in full pursuit to spare him, everyone laughs their butts off at Tommy's expense. (Imagine this but the Chaos Children)

~I really want the Technosisters to be included in here somewhere but I don't know what to do hepl

~HC! that Mumza has 2 forms: classic Grim Reaper type thing, and Kristin. So when we first see her again, it's just...

Phil: THAT'S MY WIFE! :D

Everyone: sir that is literally Death™️

Mumza, taking Moldywart's pathetic excuse of a soul: Hi Honey! :D

Everyone: excuse me what

~I realize that the Gremlins would probably compare witches to Minecraft witches, and be really confused when none of the females would try to kill them on sight. That would be a trainwreck to get used to in first year.

{Yeah that's all I got sorry for the braindump except I'm not really sorry I do regret the length though oh my gosh why is it so long okay bye}

-🦥 (if taken I'm good with 🔷)

Yes. Yes. YES!

Give all the fluff because god. This au is angsty after we peel away the crack layers. My god.

We have Phil just flying again, we have comfort, we have Drista, we have Phil's chat being little shits, and we have Mumza content! We have so much and it's hilarious and it's fluffy and god.

#dream smp #dream smp au #gremlins in hogwarts au #harry potter #philza #ph1lza #tommyinnit #purpled #drista #mumza #ask #sloth anon

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gay-snom · 3 years

Text

contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3

#its My post and i get to pick the subplot #i have...brainworms #wwx and lwj are foils in the public image theme change my mind #mdzs #mdzs meta #lan wangji #mo dao zu shi #stfu #meta

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makiema · 3 years

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finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel.

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part:

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway, this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is:

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have:

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is:

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human.

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol.

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer)

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya.

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer.

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon.

#bsd #stormbringer #soukoku #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #stormbringer spoilers #bsd meta #bsd analysis

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i-growl-growl-growl · 3 years

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Mafia NCT Reaction: Their crush is the new member

Reaction to mafia nct getting his crush as a new gang member when He thought you were just a ordinary person that he saw from time to time in the neighborhood but then he it’s introduced to you as your new mafia boss (sorry if u couldn’t understand very well 😂)

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Warnings: Mafia themes, dark themes, violent themes, controlling themes,

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Taeyong

Taeyong wouldn’t be the most pleased about this development. He doesn’t want you to be at rist, that being said he likes the fact that now he can keep an eye on you. He also likes that he gets to boss you around now. You’ll likely see less field assignments, focused more on how to help from the base. The being said if you piss him off he might put you on an assignment that would rough you up some, but never anything lethal.

“Are you really about to complain about the tasks I’ve assigned you Y/N? I could have you ruined in a moment, now be a good girl/boy and go run those numbers for me sweetheart.”

Taeil:

Taeil will be a protector over you in this world. He’ll test out your abilities personally, before hand picking your assignments based on your skills. He would never put you in a situation he wasn’t fully certain you could handle. Though you likely have his company either way, him calling it hands on training. Really though, he’s grooming you to be his partner, waiting for the right moment to ask you.

“You’re strong Y/N the type of person I want by my side in this world. So? What do you say? Run this town with me?”

Johnny:

Johnny is happy in some ways and anxious in others. He’s eager to show off his strength and power, to show you that he’s the best and you’d be lucky to have him. Knowing that he’d be very lucky to have you. He knows first hand though how dangerous this world could be though, and he doesn’t want to risk your safety.

“Fine, you want a task out Y/N? Then you can join me today. We’re doing money collections. You better only get out of the car with my permission though.”

Yuta:

Yuta was very upset by this news, his crush was so pure how could they be part of this world? Certainly there had to be a reason... He’d learn everything about your background to convince you to leave the mafia, all while trying to get you to stay with him. You know...purely for your safety of course.

“I want youout yes, but people could have already seen you with me Y/N. Even if you don’t do anything for us you could already have a target on your back. Which is why you have to stay with me now.”

Kun:

Kun would be very strict as your mafia boss and very poker faced, so you’d be confused as to why he has so many extra rules and requirements for you. No one else always had to wear a vest or reported straight to him, why was he making you jump through hoops? Until you finally confronted him about it, he said nothing.

“You’re important to me Y/N. I can’t let something happen to you because of some careless mistake.”

Doyoung:

Doyoung thought it was a blessing, having you here as part of his mafia. He would never allow himself to drag you into his world, but here you were and willingly too. In addition, it would allow him to see if youcould handle what it would mean to be with him in this world.

“Yes Y/N this was a test, but you passed. So now I’ll give you the whole world if you want it, just know that if you accept my offer there’s no going back.”

Ten:

Ten likely wouldn’t give away his feelings for you for a long while. He put you through the same excruciating training every other recruit had to go through. He didn’t want you to have to live your life in the dangerous part of this world, but he knew if you were his there was always a chance of something happening and he wanted you prepared for it.

“I don’t care how tired your legs are or how bloody your knuckles, I said show me again Y/N. Those things won’t matter to you when your life is on the line, you have to be able to do this right.”

WinWin:

Sicheng would immediately pull you aside to question your motives for joining. If he could help it, he would try to convince or even bribe you into doing something that wasn’t dangerous. Ultimately though he respected your choice and supported it, but he’d keep a sharp eye out to try and protect you still.

“What are you here for Y/N? If it’s money, I can cover that for you. Adventure? Then be mine and you’ll have it all time. Whatever you want, I can give you, just stay someplace safe instead.”

Jaehyun:

Jaehyun won’t give you much wiggle room in what he allows. He’d much prefer you accept the spot as just his pretty thing, than be involved in the mafia. If you insisted though he only allowed you to do stuff at the base, often in the office with him by you. He didn’t even want to risk you being around some of his men.

“Stay in here doll, there are some men coming over and you don’t need to be any part of what they have to offer. Only open this door again for me.”

Jungwoo:

Jungwoo would fret over you a lot. He wants to allow you to make your own decisions after seeing how strong you are, but anytime you’re out he always worries that he may never see you again. Ultimately he ends up deciding that it would be best for you to work at the base where he can constantly check in.

“Please don’t be embarrassed Y/N. It’s not because you don’t have the skills to be out, it’s just for your own good.”

Lucas:

Lucas only lets you out when you’re with him. Doing lots of hands on training with you, and maybe showing off some as well. He trusts your safety with no one else though. At the first sign that you might not be able to handle something he pulls you.

“Go back to the car Y/N. I see the look in your eyes now...you don’t need to be here for this, so just behave.”

Mark:

Mark was known to be a very strict leader, even if he had a soft spot for you he was still strict. Instead of immediately sending you off with harsh consequences like he would everyone else, he pulled you aside and spoke with you before a lesser punishment was given. He was a mix of firm and soft, because he couldn’t risk you getting hurt because of some stupid little mistake.

“If you’re not going to be able to do this Y/N, then I suggest you get used to helping me in my office.”

Xiaojun:

Xiaojun tried to let you do as you wanted and live the mafia life, but after being frantic whenever you’d leave the base he couldn’t do it anymore. Telling you to either leave this life or to work from the safer area of the base, under his watchful eyes. Either way you always saw his protective hand in your life.

“If anything happens to you, it’d be like someone ripped my own heart out. I can’t have it.”

Hendery:

Hendery won’t let even his other men around you. All of your training and explanations come from him. The only time you get out is when he’s there by your side, whether there needs to be others or not. He doesn’t let you out of his sight, knowing the second he does he might never see you again. That’s just how this world worked.

“I won’t lose another person, especially not you.”

Renjun:

Renjun would be quiet at first, he hadn’t quite expected this from you. He had figured out that there was something special about you though and he was waiting to see just what it was. So when you walked in he raised a brow and smirked slightly. He’s fairly calm about the whole thing but fairly protective still.

“I understand your skills are on the streets, that’s why I’m keeping you here. You’re the best I have and I need you to use those street skills to help me plan...and to make sure everyone else understands what to do.”

Jeno:

Jeno is pleased at the opportunities this presents to him, but not to you. He didn’t want you in harms wat, but he likes that he can show off and doesn’t have to lie to you about who he is in fear of you running away. Basically though, it’ll be rare for you to get a chance outside of the base and either way you’re going to have a bodyguard with you.

“Who’s the boss here Y/N? Trust my judgement, especially when I’m just doing what’s best for you.”

Haechan:

Haechan is going to be bossy, but it’s because he’s terrified that you’re here. He might go as far as to lock you into the base or put a tracker on you if you’re for once allowed out. You won’t have a bodyguard directly besides you most times, but you’ll always have a tail and it’s one of his best at that.

“Don’t worry I told them to follow you, they’re there to keep you safe.”

Jaemin:

Jaemin is heated over this. His sweet, innocent, Y/N will not get their hands dirty in his business, not if he can help it anyways. That doesn’t mean you aren’t in the mafia though. He invites you to be his lover/sugar baby, the one he comes home to and spoils endlessly. Yet who is also someplace safe and without blood on their hands.

“As odd as this might sound, you’re my guilty pleasure angel and nothing will stop me from keeping you safely at my side ruling this world.”

YangYang:

Yangyang vows to be your protector, yet tries to give you freedom to use your skills as part of the mafia. That doesn’t last long though. He can’t sleep at night knowing something might happen to you and it’s affecting how everything is running. So he has to keep you somplace safe.

“I’m sorry Y/N...you’ve done everything perfectly...I just can’t live to put you in harms way.”

Shotaro:

Shotaro chuckles, you’re like him, you look so sweet...so innocent and yet are involved in quite the opposite. He thinks that you can both use that to your advantage. Sitting at the top of the mafia world, running it better than anyone else, and yet no one would suspect the two of you at all.

“They’re clueless to us Y/N. To them we’re just a sweet up and coming cooperate couple...oblivious to the true power we hold.”

Sungchan:

Sungchan is intrigued by your appearance here. He pulls you aside to try and decipher your motived for being here. If he figured out you only are here for a reason of money, not because you want to be here in this world then he is going to fix that problem for you. Otherwise he’s going to help you be the best there is, just like him. Molding you to be even more perfect for him.

“No matter what I can help you Y/N. Just give me a chance and you’ll see that I can take care of you when no one else can.”

Chenle:

Chenle is not impressed by your showing up. He sends you to his office immediately before dealing with the other new recruits. He questions you on what exactly you think you’re doing here before laying out very specific instruction for you.

“If you’re going to stick around then you will listen to my rules or you’ll back off. Of course you could still be mine then if that’s what you really wanted.”

Jisung:

Jisung is not happy when he sees you. He’s going to find out who dragged you into this and they won’t be seeing sunlight for a long time, especially if they knew he cared about you. Then he’ll give you two options, one leave and forget about all of this or two stay there but as his officially not a mafia member.

“Those are your options Y/N. You’re not going to be part of the danger as fun as it may seem to you.”

- Bre

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ansksosns · 3 years

Text

Sealed Fates

This blog has no followers b u t this is my secret writing blog, where I have not posted any works....until now.

Simps, I present to you; Tobirama Senju.

Part 2 can be found here!

Word count: 3023

You burst through his office doors, not bothering to knock or give any announcement of your arrival to his household despite the late hour. You knew he wasn’t asleep; the man only slept when exhaustion won the battle against his mind and body.

Surely enough, there he sat at his oak desk, gracing you with a rare display of surprise upon his face.

“Tobirama Senju.” You growl, gritting your teeth.

He quickly collects himself, his surprised expression disappearing as though it was never there. He now looks tired—How many days has it been since he truly slept?

“I do not recall inviting you into my home.” He says pointedly, as his eyes fall back on to the papers in front of him. He begins scribbling on them, probably updating notes on the newest jutsu he’d created.

His lack of urgency towards you only makes you more annoyed; you thought the two of you were finally getting somewhere, after Tobirama saved your life from the clutches of death a mere month ago. You quickly learned that you were wrong, as he became more reclusive than ever following your discharge from the hospital.

You had every intention on broaching this topic with him in a professional manner, even going so far as to schedule a meeting with him—a meeting, with the man you served as some sort of assistant for a better part of your career as a shinobi.

All formalities went out the window when you quickly caught a glimpse of a very specific marking on the small of your back; one you knew quite well, but had no recollection of getting.

“How long have you had the seal on me?” You bark, taking one step closer to his desk.

He stops scribbling for a moment, considering your words carefully.

You don’t give him a chance to defend himself. “At what point did you decide to brand me with your jutsu?”

You take another step closer to him, and slam your hands down on the desk to get his undivided attention. You won’t let him get away with this without some sort of consequence; he may be above you in the world of shinobi, but he was not above you as a human being. It is time he was reminded of that.

Tobirama gives you a low sigh and then sets his quill aside. He leans back in his chair, lacing his fingers together in his lap. He looks at you with narrowed eyes, silently telling you to tread carefully as you speak. You ignore his warning, and more forward with your wrath.

“I have given you more than adequate work; I’ve dedicated my entire life to yours and Hashirama’s dream for this village. I have fought beside you, and for you without ever asking for anything in return.”

You notice your arms have begun to shake, so you grip the edge of the desk to stop yourself. Tobirama’s eyes have not left yours since he looked up at you, and you find yourself suddenly wishing he would look away. His stare is penetrating; making you feel as though he sees right into your very being.

Despite this, you continue with your rant. “Using this seal to spy on me, whenever, wherever you want—that is your payment to my loyalty, my blood, sweat, and tears?”

Your voice is bordering on shrill as you speak. Tears threaten to spill over your eyes, and you curse yourself for such a display of weakness in front of Tobirama.

“I have forgiven you for many, many, unspeakable things, Tobirama, but this crosses the line.”

He scoffs at you, while giving you a heated glare.

“You think I would place the Hiraishin seal on you with malicious intent?” He asks in disbelief.

His voice is lower than usual, cloaked in anger, as though he is offended by the accusations you are making against him.

You give him a humourless chuckle, “You would do anything if it meant furthering your goals.” You spit back at him.

You can feel the pressure of your chakra rising in the air around you, as you find yourself getting more and more upset with the man in front of you, and for once you think you will get the better of this stubborn man. Of course, he is one always one step ahead of you—his significantly more powerful chakra is threatening to squash yours as soon as the words are leaving your mouth.

Though you know it is a losing battle, you do not back down.

“I will not be insulted in my own home.” He states.

You’ve never seen him this angry before; not even with Madara. You have seen a lot of Tobirama over the years—one would argue that, aside from Hashirama, you know the younger Senju brother better than anyone. This anger you are seeing is entirely new to you though, and if it was not for the rage that burned within your soul, you might have even felt bad for invoking it.

“I will not be disrespected—not by you, or anyone else.” You reply, leaning into his personal space.

You have known Tobirama for too long; you know how to play to his weakness’. The pressure from your chakra, though significantly weaker than his, mixed with a newfound rage, and your close proximity, should be more than his sensory skills can handle at the moment. It would throw him off, and that is what you need right now to get a win.

“I will not tolerate being berated by an insolent girl, on a subject she knows nothing of.”

He surprises you by moving himself forward, sharing a space with you without a second thought. You are eye to eye now, his piercing gaze striking through you that much more. Your chakra’s shove against each other, battling for dominance.

You wonder why he doesn’t just end it; he is more than capable of doing so. Why drag it out for longer than necessary, especially when it is causing this much anger inside of him?

“This is my body, Tobirama!” You snap. “You do not get a say in this, no matter your excuse!”

Your proximity does not bother him, and it annoys you greatly. Even when you have the confidence to be this close to him; to challenge him—he is throwing you through another loop. When will you ever win with him?

You grit your teeth, breathing slightly heavier than you would normally. You continue to hold his gaze, though you feel like it is killing you from the inside out to keep doing so. You can’t back down from him this time; Tobirama has long ruled over your heart and mind far too easily. Now was a better time than any to prove to yourself that you can no longer be easily swayed by the younger Senju brother.

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you, lifting himself from his chair, pushing you out of his space with the sheer force and pressure of his chakra. You stumble backwards a bit, your stance falters for a moment as you are in awe of the raw power he possesses. You do not see it often, as he makes sure his power is stored away for only those who deserve it.

For a moment, you think you have gone too far.

You quickly regain your composure, and use your chakra to force his right back at him. His lips twitch upwards slightly, like a smirk was threatening to pull at the corners of them.

Was he...enjoying this?

It is gone as quickly as it appeared. You convince yourself that you imagined it.

“That seal saved your life.” Tobirama argues. He rounds the desk quickly, leaving you with no time to move with him before he has you trapped against the desk, facing him.

He leaves enough room for you to escape, if you feel the need to but you know you won’t. You are aware of what he is doing—forcing your hand to make you submit to him in this argument. He’d done it time and time again, though never with malice. Tobirama has spent his life being in command, never one to give up the control unless absolutely necessary. He understands that the presence of his chakra is intimidating, and he often uses that to his advantage. Clearly though, he has yet to realize that the threat of his chakra doesn’t work on you anymore.

“I don’t care.” You respond, your grasp on the desk behind you causing your knuckles to turn white. “I’ll never be able to remove it. I’m tethered to you for the rest of my life.”

You don’t mean for your words to sound so delicate, as though they were a confession of your soul. It doesn’t particularly bother you, because you have no intent on leaving his side any time soon, but your poor choice of words change the nature of the argument to an area you did not prepare yourself for.

Tobirama’s chakra stutters before the pressure of it dies off completely. Your own chakra is now powerful against him, causing it to forcibly push him away from you.

He is no longer glaring at you, but staring at you with eyes wide, and a slack jaw.

Perhaps your words affect him more than you can comprehend.

You retract your looming chakra, and step towards him, but he takes one step back for each foot you move forward. He is quick to hide his emotions again, replacing the softness he held in his eyes for you with a drawn out and irritated sigh. With closed eyes, he turns away from you.

You watch in complete disbelief. Tobirama Senju has just backed down from you; he submitted, and in turn, admitted to his defeat. You did not expect this from him.

You open your mouth to speak, but the lax of his shoulders stops you.

“I thought of it as a means to protect you.” Tobirama says gently. There is no trace of anger, or annoyance in his tone anymore.

You feel your resolve crumble at his tone, and your heartbeat doubles in the confines of your ribcage.

You hate this.

You hate how he renders you like this so easily.

His hands ball into fists at his sides as he lets his words hang in the air, allowing you the time to process them.

“You do not need to protect me, Tobirama; You have so much more to take care of in the village. You should have complete faith in my abilities as a shinobi to take care of myself.”

He scoffs loudly at your words, and shakes his head from side to side but he refuses to look at you.

You want to question him—make him tell you out right that he doubts your skills and has no faith in you at all; that your stint in the hospital and him saving your life were all the signs he needed to change his mind about you.

But seeing him this way leaves you with no other choice other than waiting it out.

Minutes pass as you both stand there in silence. Tobirama is seemingly struggling to find the words he has been looking for, and you are just waiting for him to speak them. You decided that one way or another, the two of you would settle whatever this is before either of you leave the room.

You only hope it won’t end with him saying all the things you can’t bear to hear; such as how useless you are, or how much he doesn’t need you anymore.

If that is what it came to though, so be it. If it meant sorting this out, you would take his words with your head held high.

You rest your hips against the desk, folding your arms over your chest.

“Tobi,” You say gently, to serve as a reminder that you were still here with him. You know, of course, that he can’t forget that; he is especially strong with his sensory skills—almost always aware of everything around him without meaning to be.

He turns to you and your breath catches in your throat. He looks utterly defeated and exhausted. His hard, pensive gaze turned in for a much softer one and lips parted slightly. The tension in his forehead usually caused by having his brows knitted together in concentration is gone, and it makes him look much younger.

Tobirama was either always dressed in his armour, or kimonos since they had established the village; it helped maintain an almost royal like status to the clans who joined the founding of Konoha.

But he is just a man—still so young. War often aged people much further along than they really are; something you often forgot.

You find yourself then wishing, if only for just a moment, that you can take it all back. You wish you were easier on Tobirama, and gave him more of the support he needs without question.

But you knew, as Madara once said, Tobirama Senju will always listen to you. Though you would never take credit for the accomplishments he succeeds in, you are aware that you have an influence on decisions he makes from time to time. The two of you are a team, always; even in your stubbornness and anger, you worked together like it was second nature to you both.

Damn him for doing this to you. Damn him all to hell.

“I have lost almost everyone I have ever loved.”

He says it slowly and carefully as though he is not sure if the words will scare you away.

He takes one step closer to you, and stops as though he is unsure of what to do. Words bubble in your throat, but no matter how much you will them from yourself, they do not come out.

“I refuse to lose you, too.”

The words are spoken so quietly, but they ring loud and clear in your mind. The doubling of your heartbeat from earlier now tripled as his voice echoes off the walls of your brain. It’s just like him to confess such a thing behind a wall of pride, but the fact that he said it at all meant that he is serious.

Your balance on the desk gives out, and you quickly slam your hands into it to catch yourself from falling completely. Tobirama steps closer to you, his eyes searching your entire self, up and down. The words are caught on your tongue; a lump forming at the base of your throat prevents you from breathing.

Tobirama’s voice fills the silence. “Putting the seal on you without your knowledge was wrong, I will admit that much.”

He sounds stronger now, more determined than you have ever heard him before.

He takes one more step closer to you. Your knees grow weak.

“But it was the easiest decision I have ever made. I will continue to stand by that decision until my very last breath, even if it means you hate me for it.”

Those words manage to snap her out of her dream like state. Does he think getting rid of you will be so easy? It is just like him to do something like this—damn him. This all could have been avoided if the two of you had just told each other sooner.

You lean forward, slowly raising your hand to the side of his face. You give him ample time and room to inch away from your contact if he wants to, but he does not move. You cradle his cheek in your palm, fingers hooking behind his ear, thumb gingerly brushing against his cheek bone.

It is to your surprise that he leans in to your touch, and closes his eyes. Your heart pulls in your chest.

“I could never hate you, Tobi.” You say softly.

This is the truth; no matter how idiotic he is, the harder he pushes you away, giving you the Hiraishin seal—you could never hate Tobirama Senju.

“I am tethered to you for the rest of my life,” You repeat. In a moment of boldness, you grab one of his hands and slowly drag it to settle on the seal that is placed on the small of your back. You hear his breath catch.

“—By something much stronger than this seal.”

You love him, more than he will ever truly know.

You ghost your lips over his, waiting for the moment he will push you away, but it never comes. His grasp on you only tightens as he pulls you flush against him, capturing your lips in his.

He is soft, at first; gentle with you as he engulfs your body in his arms. The palm you had on his cheek slides down to his neck, lazily clinging to the ends of his hair.

You both pull away, only leaving a breath of space between the two of you. Your eyes meet briefly, before he is on you again, kissing you harder than before, with a certain finality burning through. You only return the kiss with as much passion, scared that Tobirama will be gone the moment you stop.

You pull him closer; he grabs you by your hips with a bruising force, walking you backwards into the desk before lifting you with ease to sit upon the edge of it. He kisses you harder than the other times, rutting himself between your legs.

It is all lips, teeth and tongue with the two of you; low and heady sighs escaping your mouth when he pulls away from you, leaving trails of kisses and bites down the side of your neck. Gasps leave you and you encircle your legs around him, securing him to you. Hands tugging at his hair, causing salacious groans to seep through his tentative mouth.

You say his name sinfully, and before you can register his firm grasp on you, he is lifting you up off the desk, and moving you from the office, to his bed room.

#senju tobirama x you #Tobirama Senju x reader #Tobirama Senju #senju tobirama #reader insert #Angst #implied smut #Naruto #Naruto fanfiction #second hokage #naruto shippuden #angst with happy ending #nidaime hokage #fanfic #im editing the tags to say Wow!!! thanks for all the love guys!!!#another edit to the tags that no one will see but sorry for editing issues? i write this in 3rd person w a unnamed female character #there is a part where i use 'her' twice #will edit it when on my pc and not mobile!!!#oh and then i change 'her' to 'you' haaaaaa

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lexaprogemini · 4 years

Text

how you meet | edward cullen

A/N: wowowow after being on Tumblr for 6+ years I would have NEVER imagined my first published writing to this site being Twilight dnvjdfjaskdlmfkl enjoy!! requests are open :)) I will write for Twilight (mainly the Olympic Coven, except Jasper romantically), Star Wars, and Harry Potter

Pairing: Edward Cullen x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content Warnings: Reader gets unsolicited attention from teenage boys, swear words

when you moved to forks after spring break because of your dad’s work, you’re unanimously nicknamed new girl™ by all of forks high school’s students

and consequently, you’re the new eye candy for your male peers

Forks boys are, well . . . neanderthals douchebags

the ones you’ve met are egotistical, super immature, and super HORNY

. . . you decide to keep your distance

aNyWaYs

you get smooshed into ap u.s. history

apush, baby, apush HAAAAA

the teacher points you to an empty seat next to some pale blonde dude

he gives off weird kid energy at first but then he politely speaks to you

“i’m jasper. welcome to forks” and gives you an acknowledging nod

his eyes are topaz!!!?? woooooooah that’s so cool is that like a genetic defect or smth??

aaaaand your teacher immediately assigns a PROJECT

a fuckin civil war project

you swear you see jasper’s pupils dilate

you hear a chuckle from behind you

and when you turn around you see a pale dude w a dark brown buzzcut and some blonde girl smirking beside him

you later find out that those are his siblings

his fuckin goofy ass siblings

anyways a few weeks pass

you pop in at your dad’s job @ forks hospital and see him chatting w a fellow physician

yet another pale dude with blonde hair

JESUS HOW FUCKING MANY ARE THERE

you approach them and your dad embraces you in a hug

“heeeeyyyy sweet pea! how’s it goin’!”

the doctor he was talking to looks at you fondly

“hello, i’m carlisle cullen” and offers you his hand to shake, which you do

“y/n, carlisle was just inviting us to his house later tonight for some dinner”

dr. hotpants puts his hands in his pockets and humbly grins

“my son jasper tells me you’re his classmate”

oh god he’s one of those pta dads, isn’t he??

“oh, yeah, he’s my partner in history”

he smiles, “that’s wonderful. my wife esme and i would love to have you both over as our guests. it’s not often we have company for dinner. and i’m sure the rest of my children would love to meet you, y/n”

jesus christ how many kids does this guy have?? he looks THIRTY

don’t worry, in the car your dad tells you they’re all adopted lmfao

✰✰later that night✰✰

their house is HUGE jesus fuckin christ

alice knows (well they all know) about you because of jasper

IMMEDIATELY loves you!!

“hi! i’m alice!!!”

WHOLESOME AS FUCK UGH

i’m EVAPORATING. i’m YODELLING. it’s fine :-)

you thought you weren’t gonna make any pals in forks bc of the weird horny teenage specimens but here we are ;-;

alice envelopes you into a tight hug and you, in shock, grasp her arms to acknowledge this affection

your dad’s chillin near carlisle and esme and he’s silently chuckling

oh . . . they all have black eyes now?? must be the weather

or the fluorescence

you wave at jasper, rosalie, and emmett

you notice the last sibling

he’s very handsome

to you, everything about him was attractive

his soft hair contrasted against his hardened facial features

you could tell he was socially reserved when it comes to new acquaintances, just like you

he physically isolates himself from his family once you and your dad arrived

he was standing alone near a corner away from everyone else

you make eye contact with him and his mental barrier breaks down

he loses his cool

his face contorts

his lips twist into puckered lines

he claps his hand over his mouth and vacates the room immediately, running up the stairs

everyone notices his sudden departure

his family is shocked but tbh not really

✰✰✰ eddy boy is a lil shy around girls sometimes ✰✰✰

carlisle breaks the impending doom of silence

“i apologize for edward leaving us so abruptly. he hasn’t been feeling well as of late; please excuse his absence. . .”

you awkwardly pretend like that never happened

you feel it in your gut that your presence disturbed him

and not only did you disturb him

but you disturbed him so bad that he had to leave

for why?? you don’t know

you then realize that everyone else in the room knows he left bc of you

. . . anyway you all sit down at the table but you and your dad are the only ones who have plates

your dad notices this too

“hey, aren’t you guys gonna eat too?”

esme grins warmly at him

“oh, don’t worry about us. we just wanted to welcome you to town!”

uhhh, ok ma’am

alice talks to you for almost the entire time you were eating ;-; i love her

you’re also talking to jasper, cracking some apush jokes

you, jasper, emmett, and rosalie talk shit about your classmates and teacher

“why the fuck -- *carlisle glares at emmett* -- heck did mr. whatshisface give us a project RIGHT AFTER BREAK???!!”

“and he paired y/n and jasper!! they’re civil war n e r d s!! they’re gonna get the best grade” rosalie chimes in

“not if we--”

alice ❀politely❀ tells them to stfu

you giggle

bonding with your new pals <33

allllllright so it’s a few days later

you’re walking home from school

it’s drizzling, as always, but you know that it’s gonna rain harder if you don’t get home fast enough

and some asshole

some persistent prick from your class

keeps flirting with you

he’s talking about how he hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of you since you came to forks

he’s insisting he has your phone number, that he’s gonna take you out on dates. . .

you hate it

you’re so uncomfortable but you can’t really do anything about it

s u d d e n l y

a car pulls up beside where you and the guy are walking on the sidewalk and screeches to a stop

the window is rolled down and you see a familiar face

it’s edward cullen

with one hand on the wheel, he looks at both of you and clenches his jaw

“get in”

even though he was undeniably weird a few weeks ago, you concede

you never got to speak to him, but you knew that edward was trustworthy

you practically launch yourself into his silver volvo c30™

he shoots a stone-cold glare to the jackass on the sidewalk and drives away

honestly, it wouldn’t take much for anyone (not just a mind-reading vampire) to know how uncomfortable you are after what just happened with that guy

your body language is tense

your arms are crossed tightly

your body is pointed towards the passenger window as your knees touch the door

tears are welling up in your eyes

it would be mere seconds until you fully broke down

you’re embarrassed, to say the least

you’re embarrassed that you were put in a vulnerable situation, like a damsel in distress

and of all people, the handsome and mysterious guy--

the handsome and mysterious guy you began crushing on

--who feels seemingly indifferent towards you swept you off your feet and helped you when you needed someone

that made things even more embarrassing

and the tears started streaming down your heated cheeks

edward immediately sensed your unease (hmm wonder why, but also who wouldn’t sense it???)

he’s pissed.

absolutely livid

that asshole had a d e a t h w i s h

he knew you didn’t want to address your unsolicited encounter, so . . .

*awkwardly clears throat* “are you enjoying the weather?”

you choked

you did not expect him to ask that

nor did you expect him to talk at. all.

you smile through your tears and laugh

you can’t help but laugh

he’s just so awkward and cute

his half-baked plan of indirectly distracting you definitely worked

you started to excitedly talk about the rain and how much you love gloomy, cloudy days

. . . and then the elephant in the room

the inevitable first impression from a few days ago

“i’m sorry for my behavior from our first meeting. i wasn’t feeling well, and i wouldn’t have wanted for you or your father to be affected by my illness”

you’re a little skeptical at first

buuuuut you give him the benefit of the doubt and dismiss his apology

“that’s okay. it’s allergy season, anyway. i’m glad you’re feeling better”

you have no idea how bad i wanted to make a spanish flu joke right there

a small, soft smile lifts the corners of his lips “i’m edward cullen”

you look at him and return the smile

t h e t e a s i n g e n e r g y

“i’m y/n”

the car approaches your house after time seems to have flown by

your dad looks at you both as he walks to his car to go to work

he waves at edward

edward smiles and waves back at him as he enters the car

you gratefully thank edward for the ride, careful not to dwell on the prior circumstances

as you open the passenger door, edward grabs your wrist

!!he grabs your wrist!!

he insists on being your ride to and from school from now on

you object and exit the car

but

b u t

edward smirks, leaning towards the open door

“i’ll see you in the morning, y/n”

your jaw drops

and then he closes the door and speeds off

you watch him drive away and your heartbeat becomes arrhythmic

a garden of butterflies is unleashed in your stomach

blood rushes to your cheeks once more

you smile to yourself before heading inside

secretly anticipating tomorrow morning :’)

#edward cullen #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen imagine #twilight #twilight imagine #edward cullen headcanons #twilight headcanons #edward cullen imagines #headcanons

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lesbianlenas · 3 years

Text

ok real quick let me just make a case for all of u why kara comes across as a lesbian even with supercorp completely out of the picture (and it is entirely the writers’ faults). if we look at season 1 and her relationship w james she pines for him for the entire season until he finally breaks up w lucy so they can go on a date together. the second that james openly returns her affections and wants to date her kara suddenly backs down and claims that she doesn’t have the time for a relationship. outside of the show we know why this happened but in universe this is a prime example of comp het ie having a crush on a guy but rejecting him once he actually signals towards returning the affection bc the crush is not really real. and james was a great target for kara to have this sort of a comp het crush on bc from the very beginning he admired her as supergirl and inspired her to want to be a hero even more and soon becomes a very good friend and is also unavailable. whereas winn made it very clear that he liked kara which immediately made her unable to form these feelings towards him bc she already knew he reciprocated and she did not want that. want to clarify here that i am saying kara is doing this subconsciously not intentionally.

now if we go to season 2 w monel kara is completely uninterested in monel and that is very obvious for the first half of the season. they don’t get along he degrades her and won’t listen to her and that is exactly the type of guy that kara would never want to be with. when he tells her he likes her she reacts with open discomfort and puts her face in her hands and rejects him. she only gives monel a chance after alex convinces her that she should and that it will be good for her so she can have smth like her and maggie did. which deep down is exactly what kara wants in the fact that alex is with another woman. so kara agrees to date monel bc 1. she can’t justify to alex why she shouldn’t and why she doesn’t like him and she can’t justify it to herself either so she needs to date him bc of course she likes guys! and he likes her so why should she say no when alex thinks they’d be good together 2. she DOES want what alex and maggie have and she is misdirecting that desire to be with another woman onto having a relationship in general w a man in the same way that alex is doing bc she doesn’t see herself as able to have any other options. the rest of their relationship notwithstanding notice how kara is unable to tell monel she loves him until he is being sent away 1. as a pity goodbye 2. bc she knows that she won’t have to deal w the consequences of saying it so it doesn’t HAVE to mean anything. season 3 kara doesn’t try to break him up w his wife bc she doesn’t want to. and she doesn’t ask him to stay bc she doesn’t want him to either. everything she felt for him was obviously entirely surface level and there was no true emotional connection there.

and then last we have the william situation which is another perfect example of this. william asks kara on a date and she says no bc she doesn’t want to go on a date w him. nia and alex both encourage her to date him and kara finally agrees. alex tells kara she looks good in blue and to wear that and kara wears purple. the date is awkward and they have no chemistry w each other whatsoever. and once again it’s bc kara doesn’t want it to work out. she doesn’t want william to think she looks good or to have a great time w her. she’s only going out w him bc the ppl she cares abt told her to and she feels like it’s expected of her and she has no real reason not to.

so basically my conclusion here is to say that kara has always been different bc she’s an alien and has never quite felt normal or human. and kara has done a lot of things and repressed herself in many ways so that she can feel like she’s human and pretend that she is despite not actually being human. one of the most fundamental “normal” human woman experiences is to date and fall in love with a man and i’m sure that this is smth that kara has had drilled into her head not just on earth but on krypton as well. to be a lesbian would be another way that kara isn’t normal and that she’s ostracized from society for smth abt herself that she can’t change. so it’s easier for her to put on a front (just like she has done ever since she came to earth all the time) and pretend to like guys and to date them bc it’s what her friends and family expect of her and she needs just one part of herself that can “fit in” even if the rest of her doesn’t. and she already bears the burden of coming out as an alien and as supergirl and to be gay too is just too much. i also think there is a case to be made for krypton likely being heavily conservative (perhaps the reason for kara’s reaction to alex’s coming out ie “but we aren’t allowed to accept those feelings about ourselves”) which means that kara will have been raised her entire life believing this part of her to be wrong and that she’d be letting down her family if she were to act on her desires and she already has enough guilt in that area. in any case the sg writers being the worst ever at writing romances has in my opinion led to a very convincing case that kara is just experiencing comp het towards men and is a lesbian.

#michelle speaks #i said real quick and then i spent like 20 mins typing this. and for what? my own appeasement?#this is the reason why i always write kara as a lesbian in my fics aside from the fact that i am a lesbian and i like her a lot #like she has this intricate development of comp het just interwoven into her narrative. i can’t see her w/o seeing that #& i mean there is still more i could say this is only part of it. but i think u get the idea from this.

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