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bxlladxnnabxtch · 4 months

Text

Ghosting

SatoSugu x Reader

So I was listening to Mr. Loverman and this is what came out of me. Sorry for hurting y’all lmao but have fun crying to this. (IM SHATTERED NOW IM SPILLING OUT UPON THIS LINOLEUM GROUND)

Warnings: Blood, cutting (it’s not like THAT you’re using a cursed technique), betrayal, yelling, js all around angst.

You felt the slice of something cut through you, and your heart sunk. Satoru could barely register how your face paled and your body grew taunt before he knew exactly what was happening. He couldn’t even stutter out a word before your form vanished from in front of him, and a pang of terror shot through him.

You stood in front of Suguru, breathing ragged and form shaky as you watched the blood drip from his hand. You tried to calm down your breaths upon seeing his hand sliced open, a wave of relief washing through you when you realized he was alive. Still here, breathing. He’d noticed your presence, his head tilting up as he nodded in acknowledgement. “You came.” Was all he stated, and those two words had your heart stuttering. You mentally slapped yourself for the way your body reacted to his voice, his tone noticeably lower since you had last seen each other. Your jaw clenched as you looked him over, his hair had grown considerably longer, and he seemed oddly calm considering his predicament.

You took in the knife sitting on the floor beside him, and deduced that he was the one that had sliced his hand open. Perhaps in an act of desperation, or dare you say love, but you couldn’t bear to think that there was any trace of love for you left. “You knew I would.” You said, your tone cold as you looked down at him, he looked up at you as if you were his savior. “Still as smart as always.” He spoke softly, and your eyebrows knitted together at his tone. You let the silence linger as you felt your heart squeeze painfully in your chest. “You had no right.” You shook your head, breaths stuttering as you felt tears begin to brim your waterline.

You bent down steadily to wrap his hand with the bandages he had deliberately prepared before he decided to use your technique against you. You could feel the thrum of cursed energy pulse through you in accordance to his wound throbbing. “I wanted to see you.” He whispered, not daring to make his voice any louder in an effort to not scare you away.

A rush of anger surged through you, and your hands slammed against his chest in a fit of rage at his comment. “You wanted to see me?! Really Suguru?!” Your voice raised, tears finally spilling down your cheeks as you wiped them away furiously. “You could have seen me every damn day! You could have been with me and Satoru and it would’ve all been FINE.” You hiccupped, a heavy sob leaving you as a hand came up to your chest, trying and failing to sooth the insurmountable ache strumming through you.

He watched the tears run down your cheeks with a grimace, his mind switching between the crushing guilt of leaving you two behind and his newfound ideals he’d stop at nothing to pursue. “You know I couldn’-“

“Couldn’t what?!” You yelled, looking him dead in the eye as you waited for his response, but continued when he stayed silent. “Couldn’t find the strength to stay for us? To talk to us? To think we cared at all?!” Your face contorted into a look of betrayal, tearing your eyes away from him as your tried to take a few deep breaths. “We were all struggling.” You said flatly, wiping away the remanence of your sorrow. “But me and Satoru didn’t decide to massacre a village because of it.” You found the strength to look up at him again, the shine of his tears reflecting in the candlelight.

“So the next time you want to ‘see me’, or Satoru.” You got up, grabbing the knife from beside him. He made a move to stop you but you flinched away from him, shaking your head. “Remember that you chose this life. You chose it over Jujutsu, you chose it over your old life, and you chose it over us.” You looked down at the knife, the blade glinting in the light as you ran your fingers along it, feeling the sharp edge just barely grazing your skin. “Theres a lot of things I don’t regret about the time I spent with you and Satoru, but I do have two.”

You sighed, not daring to look up at him as you said your last piece. “One, that I ever allowed you to have a bond with my cursed energy. Maybe I’d have been able to avoid situations like this.” You shuffled; heart heavy as your lips downturned. “And two, that despite everything; I still love you.” You glanced up at him, finally bringing the blade to your palm as you have him a curt smile. “Goodbye Suguru.”

You pulled the knife back, slashing it down the center of your palm as you dropped the knife quickly. You felt the warmth of your blood beginning to drip down your hand, not paying it any mind as you tried to burn Geto’s features into your memory. Despite it all, you were still acutely conscious that this may be your last chance to ever see him again, and you hated it. He snapped up, seemingly realizing something as he called out to you. “WA-“

But you had already vanished, leaving him with only a few drops of your blood on the floorboards, and the phantom graze of your touch against his bandaged hand.

When you appeared in front of Satoru, he let out a gasp of relief, gripping your shoulders as he brushed some hair out of your face, looking you over for any injuries besides the gash in your palm. “Are you okay??” He asked frantically, if he was asking about your physical or mental state, you couldn’t tell, and to be quite honest you couldn’t care at the moment.

You stared down at the ground, willing, praying, hoping that the agony in your chest would disappear, but all it did was sink deeper into your gut like a boulder was weighing it down. You wrapped your arms around Gojos shoulders, the man bending down to accommodate your height difference as he wrapped his arms around your waist without hesitation, holding you against him as if you’d vanish again. You buried your head into the crook of his neck, a wail leaving you, and all to soon the tears came back, along with a flood of memories that you would never be able to relive or add to.

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th3secr3th1story · 9 months

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can you do one of geto and gojo when they say i love you for the first time??

gojo and geto saying "i love you" for the first time

of course, thank you for the request, anon! and whewww sorry for being mia but im back (hopefully.)

warnings: none, just fluff! some angst in gojo's if you squint?

words: 1,060

gojo

he had to physically restrain himself from saying it after just a month of dating. it was a struggle.

he didn't want to rush you or make you feel like your relationship was on full blast, but he was so smitten! he knew he loved you practically right away.

he wanted to save it for the right moment, maybe after a romantic outing at your favorite restaurant, but it slipped out during one of your fights after you caught him neglecting his well-being yet again.

"my god, satoru, you're not listening to me, i swear," you mumbled, rubbing your eyes with the palms of your hands.

you weren't sure how long the two of you had been fighting, but you were so tired, just wanting to get your point across and go to bed. however, you couldn't see that happening anytime soon, as gojo wasn't even trying to acknowledge what you were saying.

"really? because i think my ears are working just fine. and it sounds like you want me to quit," he retorted, hands on his hips as he looked over at you.

you knew he was sensitive about the topic of overworking, but there was only so much you could ignore before stepping in.

"i'm not saying i want you to stop going on missions! we're both sorcerers, for fuck's sake. it's our job. i'm just asking you to be more careful. you're relying too much on your infinity and you're barely taking care of yourself," you breathed, trying to keep your tone even and measured.

you pressed on, more softly this time, "did you really think i wouldn't notice your eye bags or the fact that sometimes you don't come home until 2 in the morning covered in god knows what?"

"that's not true! why do you have no faith in me?" you didn't think it was possible for your fist to clench anymore without either breaking it or throwing it at gojo's face.

"why can't you see how terrified i am? it's only a matter of time before you don't come home, satoru."

gojo's words died in his throat, finally catching sight of the fear and dread in your eyes. his heart tightened a little.

"i love you too much to let anything like that happen to me, baby."

"i know, but- wait, what?"

he walked up to you, placing his hands on both sides of your waist, pulling you into him.

"you heard me. i love you so much, baby. you're everything to me. i understand what you're saying now."

you placed your hands on his chest, the entire fight forgotten with just those three words.

"i love you too, satoru."

gojo pulled you in tighter, afraid that if he let go you'd take those words right back.

"say it again. please?" he asked.

"i love you so much," you smiled, half-whispering.

gojo moved one of his hands up to the back of your neck, pulling you in for a gentle kiss.

"so...are you still mad at me?" he quipped, smiling softly.

"this is a nice moment. let's not ruin it."

geto

similar to gojo, he also wanted to find the right time to say it. but unlike the other, geto can actually wait for the perfect moment.

it took him a little longer to come to terms with his feelings for you due to his fear of vulnerability, but once he realized how deeply he loved you it was practically the only thing on his mind.

you and geto had slept in longer than usual that morning, seeing that it was a saturday.

"baby, wake up," he whispered, trailing soft kisses down your neck, pulling your back into his chest tighter. he had successfully convinced you to spend the night at his place (although, you hadn't resisted at all).

"nooo," you whined, melting into his embrace. "it's saturday, we can just stay here all day!"

"i was going to take you to that one cafe you love down the street, but i guess this works, too."

you huffed. "why do you hate me?"

after a nice breakfast spent over pastries and coffee, geto walked with you down the street to your favorite bookstore, letting you pick out a few novels to bring home. he paid, of course.

now, the two of you were seated together on the couch, your legs straddling his waist as you played with his soft hair. his hands held onto your hips, somehow pulling you in closer with each passing minute.

you noticed how his breath kept catching in his throat. "are you okay, suguru? something you want to talk about?"

finally, with a mix of courage and fear, geto took a deep breath and whispered in a soft tone, "you are the most important person to me."

"above satoru? i'm honored," you chuckled, hoping to distill some of his fear.

he merely smiled, continuing on with his speech.

"i've always been scared of opening up. i mean, of course, i have satoru and shoko, but vulnerability was never something that came easy to me," he spoke, a light blush dusting his cheeks at those last words.

you listened attentively, taking in everything he was saying, noticing how he was struggling to get his thoughts out. you gently stroked his neck, hoping it would encourage him to keep talking.

"but with you, it's different. i've always been drawn to your presence. this feeling i have, it's confusing and so complex, but absolutely undeniable."

he paused momentarily, perhaps bracing the both of you for his next words.

"i love you, y/n. you don't have to feel the same way, and you also don't have to respond right now, but i needed to tell you."

you cupped his face, rubbing your thumbs over his cheeks.

"i love you too, baby. more than you'll ever know," you whispered, the impact of his confession clear in your expression.

he (somehow) pulled you even further into his embrace, a hand coming up to the back of your head to rest it on his shoulder as he buried his own in your neck.

"move in with me?"

"huh??" you gaped, pulling yourself away from his neck to look into his eyes, seeing only sincerity and adoration.

"baby, you basically already live here. this would just make it official. what do you think?"

"...of course."

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milksnake-tea · 1 year

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taboo.

"I'm addicted to you, don't you know that you're toxic?"

rollo flamme x gn!reader

contains: spoilers for twst's new event (kinda?), rollo (/j), tension, implied enemies to lovers, pining, mention of alcohol (no one is drinking, it's figurative language),

word count: 1k+

note: dedicated to @crysangria as compensation for him actually sleeping 💀💀 no banner because rollo doesn't deserve one <33 (/j, i'll make him one if he's popular enough)

i cant believe im reviving for yassified claude frollo of all people

edit: yall im crying but i should probably say that this was written pre-genocide rollo HAHSHS

---

You were, without a doubt, the worst person to walk the earth.

Heaven knows how you managed to find your way to Noble Bell, and only the Lord could tell how you hadn’t been kicked out yet. You were the opposite of what the college stood for. When students brooded, you joked. When authority put its foot down, you laughed - that stupid, stupid laugh of yours that tormented Rollo’s mind like the plague.

You were worse than that Malleus Draconia. You were a witch, a threat.

“Man, you look pissed.”

Rollo glared at you, unamused as you waltzed into his office as though you owned the place. Honestly, he has no idea where you get that confidence of yours. You’ve always been this way, from the moment you stepped into Noble Bell as a freshman and still during your third year, practically radiating with an ego.

“What do you want now?” he asked harshly, sparing you from the lecture this time.

You smiled mockingly, raising your hands in faux surrender. “Easy now, Prez. I don’t want to be here either.”

Then why do you come by so often? The question is buried in the back of Rollo’s mind, a lingering curiosity that he refuses to acknowledge. Instead, he opts for a colder approach, tearing his eyes away from your smirk and to the papers you waved around carelessly.

“Headmaster sent them.” You slap the papers down on his desk, ignoring whatever paperwork he was already doing. Rollo glowers at you, but once again, bites his tongue. “It’s the list for the students attending next week’s masquerade.”

“I can see that,” Rollo muttered, having the audacity to roll his eyes. You scoff.

“Well, I’m sorry for trying to help.”

“Right.” Rollo straightened out the papers, his lip curling as he read the name at the top of the list. Night Raven College, the school of Malleus Draconia. Right, that was another headache that was approaching… Although Draconia would surely prove to be interesting- one way or another.

“Damn, how’d they get Draconia on there? I heard the guy basically lives in his dormitory.”

Rollo nearly screams as you speak right next to his ear, draping yourself over his chair to peer over his shoulder at the list. You reach over him, tracing the names of each person attending and muttering to yourself under your breath. It’s one of the few moments where you’re serious - for as unorthodox as you could be, even you had your dignity when it came to not embarrassing yourself in front of the headmaster.

Meanwhile, Rollo is split - torn between logic and emotion.

He wants to snap at you, to scold you for invading his personal space without asking. He wants to shove you off his chair and dismiss you from his office. He wants to treat you like he would any other student who dared to blatantly disrespect his authority like this, to remind you of just who he was.

But he doesn’t.

Instead, his body betrays him. He shivers at your voice, your breath grazing just the shell of his ear, burning it a bright red. Your presence at his shoulder is somehow comforting, despite how desperately he wishes it wasn’t. Something is clamping down on his chest, a lead weight that restricts his airflow as he struggles to breathe.

This is the power you held over him, and he was damn sure you knew it.

“Are you even listening to me?” Your annoyed tone snaps him out of his stupor. Rollo looks like a deer caught in headlights, but he quickly composes himself (praying that you didn’t notice).

“I doubt you have anything to say that’s worth listening to.” His voice is detached and blunt, and yet he practically forces out the reply. Your eyes narrow, and he freezes as he meets your glare.

Your eyes are captivating, a swirling inferno of anger that he can’t help but find intoxicating. Somewhere in the back of his befuddled mind, he is afraid, but like a moth to a flame, he can’t look away. It’s a taboo beauty that he can’t help but indulge himself, if just for a moment.

“What did you just say?” you say slowly, the suppressed anger in your voice igniting something alien within him. Rollo swallows thickly.

“...You heard me.” The reply is small, almost fearful, but he manages to stand his ground. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“God, you’re so full of yourself,” you scoff, rolling your eyes.

“And you’re insufferable,” Rollo murmurs, almost as though he was trying to convince himself. You snorted, leaning in until your noses brushed.

“You like me insufferable.” Your voice is barely above a whisper, and yet it’s enough to steal Rollo’s own.

He knows you’re right. He knows it as a concrete fact, despite his efforts to deny it. He knows, but God, does he hate it. He hates the way his heart betrays him, tapping away like a deranged dancer in his chest. He hates how badly he wants to agree, how brightly burned he is, but he loves it.

He's addicted to your fire, a divine yet forbidden liquor that's always just out of reach.

Rollo's mouth gapes open like a fish, mouthing nonsensical words that even he finds to be nonsense. Only you can do this to him, to rid him of his words, to leave him speechless before you like a fool.

And yet, as he stares into hellfire itself, he still somehow finds himself indignant.

"Don't flatter yourself," he finally mutters, hastily jerking his flushed face away from yours. He hears you laugh, a sound that's sure to replay in his head for the next few hours- no, days.

You straighten off of his chair, that infuriating smile still etched onto your lips. He wonders how they'd feel against his own.

“Whatever you say, Prez,” you say easily, as if nothing had happened. Rollo wishes he could do the same, but alas, you’ve been given front-row seats to his turmoil. He can practically hear the condescension in your eyes when he sees your knowing look.

“Get out,” he snaps, pinching his nose as you snicker. “Now.”

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #disney twst #twst x reader #disney twst x reader #x reader #y/n #twst rollo #rollo flamme #rollo flamm #rollo #roro flamme #how many names does this guy have istg #drabble #twst rollo x reader #rollo flamme x reader #reader insert #archives 🏵️

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nayaaatv · 2 years

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wonwoo bf headcanons ☂︎

# : fluff, gn! reader ♡

warnings ! : none (?)

wc ! : 0.6k

a/n : FINALLY OMG. i thought this writers block was gonna last forever im so sorry.

req by anon ♡

look, yk how this man games right. okay so.. lets say one day, you got really bored and asked him if he could play roblox with u. ofc, he said yes bc he loves u. but also thought it was pretty stupid at first. but now... its a daily thing for u both!! you'd ask to play the 'stupidest' games like royale high, da hood, the mimic, whatever!! but he says yes everytime, and enjoys it everytime. hes having fun as long as ur having fun too.

u guys would have a cat together. like... fr. you'd name it like milo or tulip. cute things like that, ngl... i think he'd buy them little clothes or collars. to him, THEYRE HIS CHILD. u teased him about it before but he just replied with "im practicing." i hope we all know what that means hehe.

keeps every gift you give him. he still wears the bracelet you gave him 2 years ago. he still hugs the plushie you gave him on his birthday. he loves it when u still keep his gifts too. he appreciates it so much

can nap without u, but refuses to most of the time. he personally thinks its a need that u literally have to be there when he takes a nap, he doesnt know why, but he literally needs u to be there. he wont force you too much if you're busy, but hes gonna struggle a lot ㅠㅠ. its better if you like napping too or if ur a big cuddler. it doesn't matter to him though. you dont even have to nap with him he just wants you to be there.

computer cafe dates, like pls. your either both playing games or your just watching him do his stuff. its so comforting for the both of you. you're telling him about your day, ranting about the annoying co-worker you had at work as he games away. he always listens though, remembers every detail. he tells you about his day too, and its just a fun hobby for you both.

hes a bit shy most of the time, so you're gonna have to be the one to initiate anything physical. but he loves loves loves hand holding. you dont know why and maybe he doesnt either, it just makes him feel so safe and his hands are so warm and he says your hands are so soft to him :((

he really likes taking photos of u... don't take this in a weird way but he looks like the guy to have like a whole photo album of u looking pretty whilst doing nothing. whether its u actually posing for the camera or him just taking a photo without ur acknowledgement. little photographer bf

again with the gamer wonwoo agenda, if u were even struggling with something just a bit, he would leave his game immediately. it does not matter. it could be the simplest things! not being able to reach something, seeing a bug, literally anything!!!! he will help u everytime. okay maybe he doesn't help you everytime but he always pauses his game when he notices, and then goes back to gaming if he sees you dealing with it on your own.

secretly loves it when you kiss him out of the blue while he's reading or watching something. he always hits you with the "what was that?" in a very cool tone but his heart is actually spinning like crazy. he thinks you don't know but you can see the cutest shade of red on his cheeks everytime. he doesn't need to know that though.

[ jeonghan is next ! ]

taglist 𖦹 : @odetoyeonjun @stuckinmyhead5 @guavagyu @starry-mins @pearlygraysky @enhacolor @khypods

#sorry if this was rlly unaccurate #is that even a word #LOVE U WONWOO #seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen reactions #seventeen imagines #svt x reader #svt fluff #svt scenarios #svt reactions #svt imagines #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines

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autisticlancemcclain · 4 months

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fic rec friday 54

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

all i want for christmas by tusslee

“Listen,” Lance squeezes Keith’s fingers in his hands, “I’m as bad at this as you probably are and this is going to be really cheesy, but that’s the way I was raised and I know I act like an idiot around pretty girls, but I’m an even bigger idiot around you. Go ahead and try to guess why that is. No, actually don't do that."

this one is gonna be an xmas special!! even though im writing this before halloween lol. anyways. this was so cute!! lance being all stressed about what he should get keith bc he's all in love w him any everything. so real.

2. You're Here (Where You Should Be) by @blue-wanderer

"And if you’re worried about the cameras just take care of them.” “Take care—! Take care of them? With what, Keith?” “I don’t know?” Keith asks, busily testing his foothold in the gate and generally ignoring the rising storm cloud of ire behind him. “With a gun?” “A gun? This isn’t some sort of black ops storming an enemy base thing! This is a Christmas tree thing!” “I don’t see a difference? You’re the sharpshooter. Shoot out the cameras.” “Let me just pull a gun out of my ass, Keith!” “OK, problem solved,” Keith agrees, taking another step up the gate. “Nothing is solved you dumb country space redneck!”

Or Keith and Lance may be disasters at decorating, but Christmas still manages to work its magic on them.

i bookmarked this like a year ago and let me tell you all i needed to hear was dumb country space redneck and i was hooked 😭😭 and it lived up to the name fr. hate the canon ending? want lance to not be a farmer while still acknowledging his struggles with homesickness? want some whipped keith and meddlesome kosmo? want some cheesy xmas feels? click ahead!

3. make my wish come true by angelbolt

“A world where one has to fight for custody of one’s boyfriend is a godless one,” Lance muttered, slumping so he was leaning against Hunk. Shiro exchanged some final words with Kolivan before the screen blipped out. Ah yes, the ideal Christmas Eve: long boring talks and war meetings. Wonderful. ❆❅❆ keith comes home for christmas.

fun game idea: take a shot every time you see a klance xmas fic with a mariah carey lyric. lol. ANYWAYS yall know me and established relationship + early season dynamics!! i am obsessed!! and this fic delivers!! grumpy lance pov who just wants the rest of the world to fuck off for a couple days so he can have his bf around. he's such a voice of the people

4. i'll be home for christmas by @thespacenico

A severe bout of winter weather threatens to stop Shiro from making it home for his first Christmas with Keith. Shiro is ready to do whatever it takes to keep his promise.

okay this one is from darcy's i've got you brother, which i am obsessed with and have cried over several times, and which just recently updated! this fic is so cute and a adashi with young keith always fucking gets to me, man. they're just so. shiro being so desperately determined to keep his promise to young keith who has had so many promises broken that he doesnt even expect shiro to try. but is happy that he does. sobbing.

5. the greatest gift of all by dumpsterdiva

Keith’s mouth hung open for a few seconds before he stammered, “D-do you really mean that?” Lance looked a bit sheepish as he said, “I… It’s crazy, right? I mean, it’s way too soon. You know I was kidding.” Keith straightened up. “Well, I’m not. Marry me.” “What?!” “You heard me, you coward. Marry me.” “That’s the worst proposal ever!” “Worse than you threatening me with marriage so I would stop talking about how amazing you are?”

YOU GUYS KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT PROPOSAL FICS. i feel ksjbskdbqjdbqwlwd about them. okay. and throw in a christmas setting??? and banter?? and a MODERN AU?? i am doing my best, people. this fic had me shoving a pillow into my face and screaming.

that’s it for today!! happy holidays! merry christmas!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

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anemoiashifts · 27 days

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persistence, the self concept & phrasing in reality shifting. (& manifesting).

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

i brushed on this a few posts ago & wanted to expand upon it. what you need to understand, you are not trying to convince yourself that you have shifted or have manifested something. you already have your desire. you don’t need to think about how or when your going to shift because you already have.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

“Creation is finished…all that you have & will ever be — in fact, all that mankind ever was or ever will be, exists now.”

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

when you’re trying to convince yourself, what people tend to do is look for exterior confirmations instead of looking inward. if this is you, you don’t have that sense of knowing & are depending on the 3d to validate your desires. you’re waiting until you see those sublimonal results. you’re waiting until you see your desired reality bedroom. you’re waiting until you’re offered that position you’ve been wanting. the mistake you’re making is that “waiting period”.

before i go any further, i acknowledge doubts are normal. in fact , i struggle to believe in shifting & im not saying you have to 1000% believe in your ability every second. i did a survey on people who have shifted vs people who haven’t shifted yet & it came out that there was no really no difference between the two. while this may not be everyone’s case, this information can still benefit.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ persist.

to persist means to push through something even through challenge. in this case, it’s until your desired outcome materializes. if you’re willing to be persistent in the feelings that you’ve received your manifestations, you’ve pretty much finished half the battle.

i see this sometimes on the r/subliminal subreddit. someone makes a post saying “ive been listening to ___ sub for a while & i haven’t gotten results”. then, someone asks op “how long have you been using it?” to which the original poster says “i month on and off.” subliminals work different for everyone, yes, but consistently & making sure you don’t fall out of “the wish fulfilled” mindset is so so important. that’s apart of persistence.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ self concept.

“Healthy, wealth, beauty & genius are not created; they are manifested by the arrangement of your mind — that is by the concept of yourself.”

how one views yourself does play a part. a while ago i saw someone say something along the lines of “shifting is my only escape from this life”. while i felt for that person, that mindset may be holding that person back. manifestations are able to materialize from that internal sense of knowing. all manifestation is, is the 3d mirroring your inner world — what you already know. if your constantly thinking negative, you will notice more things “wrong” with yourself, the world. your brain is only conforming what you already know as your body likes to be proven right.

if you have a higher, more positive, outlook on yourself, in turn the world will become a more positive place. an example, let’s say if you live your life smiling at everyone you see on the street. chances are you’ll get smiles back at you in return because you smiled rather then if you didn’t. the world has become a more positive place for you.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ self talk.

“I will (be) is a confession that I am not”.

this ties into mindset & self concept. you are making assumptions based on past experiences & patterns. you don’t see your dr around you, so logically, you think you haven’t shifted.

this plays on our assumptions. if you’ve been trying to shift for a long time without “success” it’s no surprise you may feel that trying to shifting is hopeless because you will not shift, based on prior experiences.

for example, 2+2=?

you probably just said “4” in your head because that’s what you’ve been taught & thus have just made an assumption.

comparing this to saying things like “i am ugly” or “i am bad at singing” you believe that to be true about yourself through experience or perspective. our experiences shape us. if we can get a hold of our outlook of our experiences we can change our perception & re-shape those memories to be a positive; to find the good that might have come out of it.

when applying this to shifting, looking at every “failed” shifting attempt as “i am one more night/day closer to my desired reality” or “another version of myself shifted & tomorrow night i am shifting tonight.”

changing your self concept & perception of past experiences, without making assumptions, begins with self talk & being aware of how we speak to ourselves everyday.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

#reality shifting #shifting #desired reality #shiftblr #shiftok #shifting motivation #shifting realities #shifter

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chocoqtelle · 1 year

Text

Mental health check

Pile one

Pile two

Pile three

Pile one

Your mental health rn is kinda 🤕

something bad happened regarding your love life and it really damaged you. first off, this isn't your fault ofc. you couldn't control the other person so take the blame off yourself for at least two seconds damn 🙄 and you have to realize that it won't be like this forever. it will get better but you need to put work in as well. you seem to fantasize and avoid real life instead of acknowledging your issues. you have to realize that it's a problem before you solve it. even after you realize, it won't just go away. you have to take care of it yourself. it's not easy but you can do this. expect change regarding how you view yourself and your mental health. Channeling "help urself" by ezekiel with the line saying "stay in, don't help yourself" but not as advice and more as in how you feel you should behave.

you got this 😡 keep going and stop romanticizing your depression. take your meds.

Pile two

you feel abandoned. you have this idea that you have to be perfect from your childhood which most likely consisted of heavy pleasure trauma and emotional abuse. also possible sexual abuse. since you spent your entire life worrying about others and taking care of everybody but yourself, you find yourself being used for emotional support or giving more than receiving in relationships (especially friendships) but can't find a way to pull yourself away from them. you might be/ have been a gifted kid or had high standards placed on you at a young age so now you have goals and standards that you spend more time thinking about than reaching for. you might also possibly daydream about romance a lot 💀 you still don't actually go for it though. you don't have to worry about other people. you need to focus on yourself and put in the effort to reach what you really want and not do what you think others would like for you. channeling "are you satisfied" by Marina.

it's about you, not them.

Pile three

things are finally getting better for you but you don't know what to do about it 😭 you feel like you don't deserve it and that it doesn't make sense. you think it will get worse again and you're trying to imagine it will more than you're enjoying things. you feel inspired and creative lately. this is you sign to tap into that. you usually struggle with emotions but things are becoming more peaceful now. you need to take the leap is what im hearing so if you wanna try something new then go ahead. im also hearing listen to new music? stop trying to do the same thing but expecting a different outcome. things are getting better and you deserve it to get better. there's a lot of positive karmic changes. make sure to rest as well 😞 you don't have to be on your toes all the time. just relax. you're also very stubborn but you still have to let your "weak" side out too. channeling "brand new city" by mitski (specifically "if I gave up on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive") .

relax and enjoy the present, not everything ends tragically.

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heymacy · 24 hours

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hi! i haven’t seen mickeyless seasons so i wanted to ask if ian ever has issues about being bipolar like he did with mickey? like him breaking up in s5 for not wanting to see mickey hurt and s10 when he asks if he’s crazy for wanting to be with him! i think i read somewhere that caleb? maybe had a talk about self love or whatever to ian but that dude was horrendous ( not that trevor was best for what ive seen ) so im not sure that counts ahah

hi anon!

yes, ian grappling with his disorder is a very very big theme throughout seasons 6, 7, 8, and 9. in fact i would argue that aside from him becoming an EMT, the bipolar storyline is his most significant one (i typed out my response and it got very long so i'm going to put it below the cut 💛)

in s6 he is fresh off of the diagnosis, the breakup, and coping with mickey going to prison (and he was definitely trying to cope, he still loved him and seeing someone you love locked up is immeasurably hard. i feel like we don't talk about this enough). he feels very aimless and it isn't until an incident (he's a bystander to a car crash and rescues a woman from a burning vehicle) that he finds his new path (becoming an EMT, which he does by the end of s6). caleb was absolutely awful in so many ways but the one good thing he did do was encourage and support ian in finding a new life path, which is the only credit i will give him. there's also a deleted scene in s6 that is so, so important re: understanding how mentally ill people are viewed and treated in society and of course ian's monologue about how he's good at his job because of his illness, which is one of my favorite scenes in the entire show.

in s7, he's getting healthy again and taking his meds, but it isn't without struggle. there's a very poignant and important scene (part one, part two) with lip where he expresses his struggles with his disorder and how hard it is for him to cope with taking his meds and listening to the warning signs for episodes (he was behaving in ways akin to a hypomanic episode/showing signs of slipping into an episode just before the conversation happens). by the end of the season, after he leaves mickey at the border, he's still relatively stable, but the emotional triggers of leaving mickey behind + monica's death start to take a toll on him, which we see in s8. there's also the trevor of it all in s7, but that's a whole other issue. trevor did not have a positive impact on ian's self-esteem whatsoever and even went so far as to demand ian forgive monica and "move on" after knowing 0.1% of the history between the two of them. that scene in particular makes me unfathomably angry and i just know it was deeply, deeply triggering for ian to hear that from someone he cared about.

in s8, we have the gay jesus storyline, which i absolutely detest and hate to discuss, but it's part of his story and it needs to be acknowledged. he's taken advantage of a lot this season, propelled towards some sort of fucked up end goal with very little control over his circumstances, and it quickly spirals out of control. while the writers never explicitly state that ian is hypo/manic during this season, you can watch the progression happen if you pay close enough attention. despite not being given a lot to work with, cameron did a great job at playing the nuances of bipolar disorder this season, showing ian's descent into hypo/mania as the gay jesus movement grows and warps.

in s9, he's in prison for the first time and is noticeably manic. after being released, he starts seeking out meaning and purpose in religion. eventually he's forced to face the consequences of his actions and pleads not guilty to arson by reason of insanity, not only defying the wishes of the gay jesus followers (they feared him going public with his diagnosis and pleading insanity would delegitimize the movement) but also finally choosing to really acknowledge his disorder, reckon with it, and make peace with it, in a strange sort of way. it's a very important and pivotal moment for his character and cameron absolutely delivers during his plea monologue.

if you've see s10 you know how his self-worth takes a hit regarding the marriage storyline, and how he's so terrified of marrying mickey because 1) he doesn't know if he's capable of being a good partner because he doesn't feel like he had good examples of healthy marriage standards growing up and 2) he isn't sure mickey knows what he's signing up for re: his disorder and everything it entails. which, of course, is not the case, because mickey doesn't love him in spite of his disorder, he loves him completely, and his disorder is just a part of that. he wants all of him, always, and that's a huge plot point in s10 and s11 ("i gotta worry, you're my husband" scene my absolute beloved).

anyway. the short answer is that yes, ian spends a lot of time grappling with his disorder and the realities of life as a bipolar human. he deals with issues regarding his self-worth, his purpose, and his relationships. speaking as a bipolar individual, i can say with absolute certainty that coming to terms with your diagnosis is a long, arduous process that takes many years and a lot of commitment to achieve. it's not easy, and though the writers dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines in the show, they did a pretty damn good job of showing how hard it is to cope and live with the realities of bipolar disorder and everything that entails.

if you ever want to see more of his journey, gallavichscenes on youtube has playlists of all of ian's scenes in season 6, season 7, season 8, and season 9. i highly recommend watching the show in its entirety but if you don't want to do that, i recommend at the very least watching the rest of ian's storyline. it colors so much of his story and mickey's and it's hard to fully comprehend the extent of their relationship without understanding that storyline. i hope this answered your question! sending tons and tons of love 💛

#i hope this provided some clarity on his mindset and storyline!#if you have any other questions feel free to drop in any time 💛#macy babbles #anons

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kisaraslover · 3 months

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Do you think Kisara has any hobbies besides sitting in Kaiba's lap?

Well i like to look at established Kisara to draw out more traits so first things first is the dragonic nature. I think Kisara deeply enjoys nature and solitude and sitting in the sun. I dont mean this like camping either, from ancient Egypt we see Kisara already has unusual resistance to exposure to elements, with something godly in her veins so i think she might be really zen watching birds to flowers to the sky and basking her place in all this. We all have a passing moments of "everything IS everywhere all at once, all is one, one is all" but i think it would be a constant presence in her. she swings between "oblivious to life weird ass woman" and "enlightened higher being" VIOLENTLY. Meditating would be grounding to her, in the opposite way to all other people meditating.

and then music. dragons are a kind of bird <3 dont look that up. i think Kisara has an uncanny aptness when it comes to music. one of those people who can pick up any instrument and play a simple tune on it. i dont think she has a remarkable singing voice at all though. embodies "people sing because they want to not because they are good at it" hums gently music she likes. if she tries to seriously sing along to a difficult song her voice cracks loserly. she laughs and continues yknow? its still Seto's favorite and if he catches sound of her humming before entering a room, he waits outside to listen for a couple secs. its his secret no one needs to know shhhh. ALSO the fic Paper Roses has piano player Kisara and the romance is served so well by Kisara giggling while placing Seto's hands on the right keys so.

making things with your hand is a very grounding practice for anyone struggling to stay in the moment and stay present and i just cant move past these very artistic but expensive looking hobbies from youtube shorts -tries not to cry about capitalism locking the public out of arts- so after getting that Kaiba Money she'd just go "i always wanted to try glass art btw" and seto goes "?????. thats. alright ok. go for it"

im really conflicted on many "hobbies" and what makes them hobbies but if we work with the basis "how you spend your day is how you spend your life" i think she'd really be the least online person. the activies above WOULD be very frequent but i think Kisara spends her most days, ironically enough, socializing. she'd be talking to employees (important business) or talking to employees (just chatting lol) out with friends of all kinds and trades, Mokuba and his friends or Seto and HIS friends, or most surreal one, Seto and HER friends. shes the kind of awkward person who listens more than they speak, with her own charms and difficulties, thankfully when you try enough you can find people you can get along with. very endearing on the line of strange, bringing out peoples protective sides which is why she would gather Mom Friends and Bossy Bitches and Protective Eldest Siblings faster than you can say her name. while i characterize both Kisara and Seto as kind of introverted, i think Kisara would be charged with a thirst to know and understand humanity (both result of godly roots and alienated youth) so if her luck turned around after meeting Seto i think she'd build quite the social circle, not even realizing how many people shes getting close to at first. Seto's socializing would be more acknowledging part of healing means creating support systems, opening up to people -to whatever extent he can- surrounding himself with people who he cares about and who care about him in return, and definitely less easier than her collecting friends.

SO YEAH! sorry for the LONG ASS reply, i think Kisara is adopted by many Extroverts and on the time off she goes into her workshop does fuck all (DEF made a wooden dildo to see Seto's reaction. mokuba laughed his ass off thinking it would perplex him. he took one look at it and said its a pathetic cock and he could nude model for her. no ones laughing now.....)

#is this ask so lowkey shady? lmao i was tripping over myself answering like NOOOO MY QUEEN HAS MANY HOBBIES SHES FUN SHES INTERESTING #LISTEN TO ME DOCTOR HAN SHES INTERESTING #lmaooo #yugioh #ygo #kisara #not art #ask tag #her lowkey gift with instruments is quietly ignored by all of them. kisara plays an instrument shes seeing for the first time #all of them go 😑 i do not see anything strange. great job kisara youre so talented and its soo normal you can play everything.#so normal. you just got a strong ear. and strong understanding of what sounds come out with what movements on instruments #its normal its normal. no hocus pocus magic tricks here no sirrrrr

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loquaciouscat · 1 year

Text

Who wants to listen me as i write a. Whole essay on Shigeo's mental journey and how it can be parallels with DID by someone with diagnosed DID!!!!!!!!! 😋

(pls ignore all the grammatical mistakes, im too lazy to correct all rn maybe later)

CW: trauma, bullying, dissociation, derealization, discussion of neurodivergent struggles. Please be aware it might be upsetting to some before reading 🙏

Neurodiversity changes how you process trauma. Keep this in mind!! I can point out so many moments where Shigeo is nd-coded, especially autism. We can see people calling him "hard-hearted", "numb" and "incapable of showing emotions". He lacks showing his emotions with facial expressions. You can see how much it upsets him when people assume he doesn't feel anything, getting heard "Get a clue." etc. (Keep this in mind, %??? is quite expressive)

Quoting from @lost-caticorn 's wonderful post that explains more about Shigeo's possible autism (I'll be linking below)

"In the anime this line is translated by “get a clue” but it doesn’t really match the Japanese words used here “空気を読む” which means “read the situation/sense the mood”. Also I think it’s worth mentioning that in episode 4 he literally names it the “reading-in-the-mood technique” (空気を読む技術). This just illustrates how non-natural this is to him."

Autism joy is something many neurotypicals cannot grasp nor understand. We see Shigeo was not scared of showing these, sharing his ability, talking about it constantly (this can be interpreted as special interests within daily life). He was not afraid of himself, nor minded his difference than others. You'll understand in a second but I believe these were the times Mob and %??? Had a peaceful connection with each other. Like I mentioned a second ago, %??? is a lot more expressive, powerful and stronger part of the mind. I can see myself associating this with autistic joy! Even they are on opposite sides as a character, both Mob and %??? Had moments for themselves to share their joy and happiness.

Then the snapping point of Shigeo, first time ever. %??? Causes harm, which makes Mob scared (like a meltdown!)

This is the point I'll start rambling about DID.

DID, dissociative identity disorder, is caused by repeated childhood trauma. Basically, in a normal setting, you have one prime identity, it can be followed by "sportive" you, "parent" you, "friendly" you etc.

For DID, brain puts amnesia barriers between those parts, which is followed by dissociation and derealization. These "parts", which are called alters, develop their own identities, completely seperate from each other. Alters usually have so little to none connection with each other. They all have their own "jobs" in brain, making sure the child doesn't get affected by the trauma. Some keeps the trauma away "memory holders", some are more agressive and try to protect the kid from outside abuse "protectors" etc. So many roles, I cannot explain all here!

WHAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ABOUT THE MANGA COMES FROM THIS!!!! %??? and Mob are the same person, yet so disconnected. Mob associates %??? as an evil, wishing it never existed. Yet we see %??? Taking control whenever there is an extremely stressful/dangerous situation, protecting Mob.

But on the final arc, we see %???'s frustration towards Mob, angry about how he is so repressed, while also explaining he doesn't approve the way Mob chooses to live.

"You always do that, convincing yourself that you understood. And it always out me at advantage."

As much as Mob doesn't like it, %??? is still a huge part of the mind. We all know how we saw Mob doing nothing but hating %??? Because he is "evil, bad, trying to hurt others". Yet all %??? Did was to try to protect Mob.

%??? insists on how he is himself even without power, showing how helpless he felt while holding all the repressed feelings the mind had, getting used as a weapon and Mob using him to "for the sake of others". Mob never truly acknowledged %???, Yet he accepted his help all the time while hating %???.

We see %??? Trying to remove Mob's existance from mind space. Although, can he really do that? I would say no, not really. They are both a part of something bigger, the mind and the body. Mob tried to remove the existance of %??? From the mind, miserably failed.

%??? Tries to do the same thing to Mob. Understandably Mob is terrified, just screaming and crying out of terror. Actually they just switched places, and %??? Was treating Mob how he treated him for so many years. Nothing changed except %??? Got to be in charge after many years.

At the moment Ritsu got hurt, the peaceful connection between other two was gone. This made them get seperated, aware and unaware of each other at the same time.

This is why I believe how there are parallels with DID, especially on the final arc. %??? had the role of a protector alter. Mob doesn't have any memory of the times %??? front (taking control). They are all blurry memories, you can see Mob is confused whenever he gains fully control of the mind and body, not knowing where he is or what he is doing. I also absolutely love how Ritsu getting hurt as a kid is not shown us to completely, because Shigeo doesn't know either. I believe %??? Has those memories locked away, yet still got evilized by Mob for years.

At the end, they both accept each other, making peace between each other. Honestly, what you might see as those kind of "fighting for gaining control of mind" happens a lot to people with DID. Alters might believe they are the most suitable to protect and control the body and mind the best way, causing a chaos in mind space.

I really do see parallels of DID especially on final arc! I don't know if I would headcanon Shigeo as a DID system, but I just really appreciate some representation for dissociation and memory issues 💕 it's a lot more than a losing control situation. I am neurodivergent and with undiagnosed autism, and I see a lot of myself in Shigeo.

Super long post i know but I really wanted to talk about it! Rambling over

Ps: Please also read this, it's amazing 🙏 I strongly believe Mob is an accurately autistic coded character. We need many others like him in mainstream media 💕

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #loquacious cat rambles #long post #mp spoilers #mp100 manga spoilers #mob shigeo #mob psycho shigeo #mob psycho 100 spoilers #mob pyscho 100 #mp100 analysis #kageyama shigeo #mp100 shigeo #mob psycho spoilers #mp100 spoilers #dissociative identity disorder

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eddiescorrodedcoffin86 · 2 years

Text

Reality

Part 1: Ballistic

Part 8: In a Heartbeat

Masterlist

Cheerleader!Harrington!Reader

After everything with Vecna, it's a little hard for you to get settled again. When the gang realizes something's wrong, they devise a plan.

Struggling to accept reality. Very brief smut. Depressed reader. This chapter has all the tags. Angst. Fluff. Brief smut. Eddie calls you Bunny. Everyone is super worried about you cause girl… you are losin’ it in this chapter. PTSD technically I guess. There's a cliff this is your warning I dont want to give anything away, im not sorry. Mentions of you trying to stick your hand on a hot stove.

You’d thought once everything was over with Vecna everything would be normal again, you expected it to take time, but it was taking too much time now.

It usually never took this long for you to feel safe again, comfortable, in your own skin, three weeks at the most and that was after the Mind Flayer had killed Billy, or rather, One had killed Billy, you still couldn’t quite grasp the concept of what the hell really was going on in the Upside Down. But it was taking longer now, approaching the two and a half month mark you were still extremely jumpy, your skin still itches, and there was a scratching feeling at the back of your head that it would all stop, at some point.

As soon as school was back in, you quit the cheer squad, told your mother to eat your shorts if she didn’t like it, and started sitting at the Hellfire table at lunch. Which is where you were now, leaned on Eddie with his arm caped around your shoulders, your eyes trained on a forever stain on the lunch table, not noticing you were being spoken to until Eddie’s hand was waving in your face.

You blinked rapidly and looked at him. “What? Sorry. I zoned out again.” You mumbled. “What’s up?” Eddie decided not to question it, any time he had before you’d brushed it off as being tired, but he was getting increasingly worried about you. “Asked if you wanted to come hang out at my place tonight.” He said softly. “Uncle Wayne works at the plant tonight so… it’ll just be us.” You’d been holding off on sex with Eddie since you got back, maybe it was because you just weren’t feeling very sexy, or because Eddie had been and still partially was recovering from his demobat injuries, or because you didn’t know if any of this was actually happening and it scared the ever loving shit out of you, you didn’t know anymore.

“Uh… yeah.” You nodded, smiling and kissing his cheek gently before leaning into him again the table sat in peace for a while, you actually able to listen to the conversation even if it was about dungeons and dragons and you didn’t really understand any of it. Your peace, of course, was short lived by two cheerleaders flouncing up to the table. “Y/N.” One said, annoyingly chipper like usual. “Denise.” You responded. “Harrington.” The other acknowledged, you grunted and waved dismissively at her in response. “We were wondering you were done playing ‘diddle the freak’ and come back where you belong.” She said immediately after you waved at her.

“And I’ve always wondered if you were done playing ‘how can I be a bigger cunt today?’” You said matter of factly, not looking up as the whole table snorted. Jackie immediately jerked her eyes to the boys at the table. “Watch it, freakazoids.” You stood up quickly and tugged your hand from Eddie when he grabbed it. “I’ve had e-fucking-nough of that word.” You growled, inches from her face.

Jackie looked scared, for a second, before she was crossing your arms and cocking a brow, tapping her laced white keds. “So that’s a no, then?” She scoffed. “You’d seriously rather hang out with these freaks? It’s social suicide!”

“It’s senior year you dumb cunt!” You poked her temple harshly a few times. “There is no social anything! You’re just a bunch of horny, useless pigs. And in about five years you’re going to be stuck in the same god damn place only uglier, smellier, and even more useless than you are right fucking now. Because then.” You stepped close, voice lowering. “Even your dog isn’t going to want to fuck you.”

Jackie stared at you with wide eyes, mouth gaping like a fish as she tried to stutter out of a response. “Eat shit, bitch.” You growled, grabbing your bag and spitting on her white keds before leaving the cafeteria, Eddie following quickly after you as Jackie’s voice echoed. “UGH! You are SO off the squad!” So high pitched you thought the windows would shatter. “Boohoo.” You mumbled to yourself.

“Y/N!” He grabbed your wrist and stopped you as you made it to the double doors of the school. “Hey… you’re shaking like a leaf.” He mumbled before hugging you tightly. “Bunny… what’s wrong?” He whispered.

“I’m sorry. God I’m sorry. That’s probably not gonna make things better.” You mumbled softly, shaking your head as you hugged him, closing your eyes tightly, gripping his vest. You haven’t told Eddie about the trouble you’re having, you already felt like a burden as it was, you didn’t need to add ‘can’t distinguish reality anymore’ to the list as well.

“Hey. What are you talking about? That was fucking awesome.” Eddie laughed and leaned back. “You called her ugly and smelly and useless and all that other shit for calling us freaks.” He shook his head. “I have never been more in love with you.” There it was.

You blinked rapidly. No… okay there was no way Eddie Munson just said in love with you. He doesn’t say that. He didn’t say that when you all thought he was gonna die in the hospital! “You… what..?”

Eddie blinked and tilted his head, like he didn’t realize, until they widened. “Oh. Oh uh…” his cheeks went bright red and he rubbed the back of his neck, shoes squeaking on the floor when he nudged it before clearing his throat. “Yeah. Uh you know I’m… I’m in love with you.” He pushed his hands into his pockets. “I mean… I did jump into a lake into hell after you so… and mowed down a bunch of demobats.” He teased, nudging you lightly. “Kinda obvious, sweetheart.” You let out a soft laugh, almost having to force it.

“I… I’m… I-I’m in love with you.. too.” You said softly, watching as the grin spread across his, your cheeks flushing before he was swooping you into a deep kiss. You hummed and closed your eyes, sighing happily into the kiss, sliding your hands into his hand and gripping gently just to feel the root of something. Something real that wasn’t you. When he let out that oh so missed sigh, you melted into him, pulling back and swallowing thickly before grabbing his hand tightly. “Come on.." You said softly, tugging him into a supply closet as a wide, curious grin spread across his face, his eyes glancing to both ends of the hallway. "Yes, ma'am."

The second the door was closed you turned the light on and gripped the front of Eddie's jacket and vest, pulling him close and kissing him deeply, sighing happily when you felt him melt against you and slide his arms around your waist, pulling you tighter against him as he leaned you against the door, pressing your back into the wood, which was cold even through your t-shirt, which was actually Eddie's, his hips grinding into yours slowly but with the perfect amount of pressure, his hands sliding everywhere, gripping your ass through your skirt, his fingertips touching your skin when the fabric bunched up in his hand. (whether he bought the shirt too small or too big is up to you, I'm trying to be as inclusive as possible, we'll say its tucked into your skirt or tied up depending on your size option)

"That all I had to do to get you riled up? Tell you I love you?" He teased, which actually made you laugh a little, rolling your eyes a bit. "I've been holding out on you... I'm sorry." You whispered, sliding your hdans up to cup his cheeks as he shook his head. "No. It's fine, really." He said softly, turning his head to kiss your palm. "We just went through something traumatic.. kinda dumb of me to assume you're immediately gonna wanna take your pants off, y'know?"

You shook your head fondly and kissed him softly. "Still. Thank you for being patient and not making me feel like shit about it." Even if I do anyway. "no problem, Bunny." Eddie ran his thumb over your cheek gently. "Now... I believe I pulled you in here for a reason." You teased, pulling him close and kissing him again.

Eddie kissed back happily, you reaching under your skirt and pushing your panties off as Eddie unbuckled his belt and got his jeans down just enough to get his cock out, since you didn't have time to go all out, and you were making sure Eddie graduated, so you would have to settle for a quickie. He gripped your hips again and moved so you could on an old desk in the supply closet, he slid his hands up your skirt and ran his thumb through your folds slowly, his lips falling from yours to your neck, sucking and kissing on the skin as he massaged your clit with his thumb, moaning a little against your neck when he felt your slick start to gather.

"Eddie... please." You whined softly. "We don't have time the bell is gonna ring soon." You shifted, pressing against his finger as he let out a soft chuckle. "Alright.. alright. I'll just have to wait." You could feel his little pout against your neck as he pulled you closer and lined his cock up with your hole, slowly guiding himself into you as he groaned, eyes fluttering shut.

Your arms wrapped around him tightly, nuzzling his neck lightly as you moaned softly, the pain of the stretch grounding you as you gripped Eddie’s vest in your hands gently, feeling the denim catch under your nails. “Fuck.” Eddie mumbled into your neck, pushing all the way into you, panting softly as he let you adjust, massaging your thighs gently before his hands slid up to your waist, squeezing gently. “You okay still?” He asked softly.

You nodded. “I’m okay, Eds.” You leaned back to kiss him, pulling him closer. “You can start moving.” You bumped your nose against his lightly. He nodded and kissed you softly as he started thrusting up into you, whining happily and pulling you closer to him, pressing his face into your neck. “Feels so good, baby.” He whispered softly into your ear. “Love you so much. Have since that day at the picnic table.” He wrapped his arms around you, continuing to fuck up into you as he gradually picked up speed.

You whimpered happily and pushed your face into Eddie’s neck. This. This was real. This would always be real, Eddie close, hips pushing up into you, his wallet chain jingling with his movements, echoing through the small closet, his cold rings digging into your skin as his hands grabbed anywhere he could. You could feel his lips then, open against your neck as he sucked and nibbled on the skin, very obviously trying to leave a hickey and you couldn’t find it in yourself to stop him, your fingers sliding up to tangle in his hair. “I love you too, Eds.” You whimpered happily when his hips snapped up into you.

“Say it again.” Came spilling out of his mouth as soon as you finished the words, his hand sliding to play with your clit. “Please.” He whined. You blushed a little at his reaction and bit your lip as you looked up at him, smiling shyly. “I love you, Eds.” You moaned softly when he started circling your clit. “So much.”

Eddie whined happily and kissed you deeply as he started to fuck you harder and faster, his muscles seeming to twitch the harder you gripped his shoulders. Being as Eddie was a little backed up, he was holding back his orgasm, determined to make you cum first, he could tell you were having a rough time and since you wouldn't talk to him about it, he figured this was at least one way he could try and help you out.

Your eyelids fluttered and your legs shook, Eddie's soft whimpers and grunts echoing through the small closet with the sound of his wallet chain. The sounds played a song in your eyes, planting you to the ground and solidifying just how much Eddie meant to you, and then how you'd been treating him lately, not neccesarily rude, just distant, spending more time alone than with anyone. Now was definitely not the time for the guilt to come crashing down on you.

"I'm sorry." You didn't realize you were crying until the words came out of your mouth, wrecked from both your activities and your guilt. Eddie leaned back and frowned, immediately wiping your tears as his hips slowed to a stop, pulling a protesting whimper from your lips. "Bunny.. whats wrong?" He whispered. "What are you saying sorry for?"

You sniffled and shook your head slightly in his hands. "I've been distant a-and ignoring you after the hospital, and I shouldn't have because I love you so much and it's so stupid and. I just... I love you so much I don't want you to think I don't." You looked up at him. "I'm sorry." "Oh... baby..." Eddie shook his head and kissed your face several times. "Please don't feel bad, everyone handles things differently. You need to be alone sometimes and that's okay. I'm not upset. i love you."

You closed your eyes, shoulders still shaking lightly. "I love you too." You said softly, looking up at him as you sniffled a little. "Don't cry, Bunny." Eddie whispered, smiling warmly at you. "Though I have to admit, does something to me that you're crying because you love me so much." He teased, continuing when it got him a grin. "Kinda a bigger turn on." He chuckled when you slapped his chest, giving a still slightly teary laugh. "You wanna stop?" He whispers softly.

You bit your lip and shook your head, looking up at him. "No, I wanna keep going." You said softly, gently pulling him into a kiss as he grinned. "Yes, ma'am.." he hummed before starting his movements again.

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"Eddie... is she alright?" Dustin asked later at Hellfire, since you quit the squad you'd sometimes sit in on their meetings, though you mostly would go back home and just lay in bed, you decided to come today and observe, though despite the excitement the observing quickly became putting your headphones on and reading the book you were focused on this month.

Eddie looked over towards you and sighed a little. "I don't know, man.. she's been a little weird." He mumbled softly, shifting slightly and clearing his throat. "Steve say anything about her being weird?"

Dustin shrugged and nodded, glancing at you momentarily. "Yeah, said she's been spending a lot of time locked up in her room and only comes out to get her dinner and then just goes back upstairs.

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The next day, everybody was at Family Video, except for you, it had been a particularly... odd feeling morning so you'd stayed in bed, telling Steve that you probably wouldn't be there, and although he seemed disappointed, he nodded and left a glass of water by your bed before leaving for work.

Robin explained. "When I asked her what she got four number ten in class yesterday she said The Battle of Gettysburg." "...okay?" Nancy frowned. "We were in Math."

Eddie decided to keep the details of your breakdown quiet, explaining that you just had a tendency to cry more, and about your scene at lunch.

Dustin had noticed you smiled less, at anyone's jokes.

Steve noticed your lack of sibling banter, among other things you'd stopped doing around the house.

Max noticed your lack of appearance at Eddie's, and your lack of wanting to go shopping.

Nancy noticed your lack of enthusiasm.

and Mike... well he was more focused on El so he hadn't noticed much.

and the final straw? When Steve told them he'd stopped you from laying your hand on a hot stove that morning before breakfast, which he'd convinced you to come down for. "When I asked her why, she said 'to see if it was hot'"

"She likes the beach." Steve commented, they were all trying to find something to do to make you feel better, everyone had started to notice how odd you were behaving, each of thtem havng a different reason for thinking you needed out of Hawkins for a bit.

"She mentioned a while ago she'd like to go camping... we could all go camping at the beach." Eddie mentioned, when everyone turned to him he got a little insecure, shifting and looking at them. "What? Is... that a bad idea?"

"No... no I think it's good." Steve nodded. "Yeah! And honeslty, I dont think it matters much as long as we get her out of Hawkins. This place is screwing with all of us, but her defnitely." Robin babbled, nodding eagerly.

Eddie nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. "Alright, camping it is." He chuckled and licked his lips before walking backwards. "Great. I came up with the idea which means you twerps got everything else... I'm gonna go comfort my girl." He pointed towards his van and winked before walking out.

"Keep your hands to yourself!" Steve shouted after him, Eddie waving his hand dismissively before climbing into his van and driving to the Harrington home, he hoped this beach camping idea was a good one.

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You woke up to soft hands brushing hair from your face a week later, your brows furrowed as you fluttered your eyes open, blinking rapidly to wake up. "Eds?" You mumbled sleepily, yawning and rubbing your eye with the back of your hand. "What time is it?"

"3:20." Eddie whispered, you blinked rapidly and looked over at your clock next to your bed. "What are you doing here at 3:20?" You asked softly, looking up at him curiously.

"Well... I could tell you... or you could get your pretty self out of bed.. and come find out." Eddie grinned, holding up your coat for you as he gently pulled your covers back.

You groaned and sat up slowly, letting him put the jacket on you." Only cause you're so adorable." You mumbled softly as he chuckled, shaking his head fondly before guiding you downstairs and out the front door.

You were immediately met with the sight of Nancy, Steve, and Robin, smiling widely, standing by an RV that looked a lot like the one you'd stolen to get to the weapons store. "What's going on?" You ask sleepily, looking at Eddie curiously before back at the RV.

Steve walked over, hands in his pockets. "We know you're having a tough time... so I convinced mom and dad to uh... give me the next few months worth of allowance early." "I gathered up everything i had saved from Chips Ahoy and Family Video." Robin put her hand up. "And I bullied mike into giving me his allowance also." Nancy smiled softly. "And we rented this badboy for a few days." Dustin grinned widely, poking his head out with Max, Lucas, El, and Mike right behind him.

Tears welled up in your eyes. "Guys..." you whimpered softly. "You didn't have to... do all this." You shook your head and looked between them all. "Oh... thank you all so much." You hugged Steve tightly before throwing yourself on Eddie, pushing your face into his neck.

"Alright, I got your stuff packed." Eddie held up a couple bags you didn't realize he had. "So, unless you wanna change, we're all ready to go." A smile spread across your face and you kissed him quickly, shaking your head. "Let's go. I'm exhausted, though, so I'm going back to sleep."

Eddie chuckled and nodded. "Alright, you heard the lady. Let's go!" He threw his arms up, everybody hooting and hollering as the five of you climbed into the RV, happy giggles leaving your mouth. God you love your friends.

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You woke up a few hours later with the sun in your eyes and your head on Eddie's chest, which was moving up and down like he was asleep. You could Max and Lucas whispering on the couch in the back, and pretty much everypne else was asleep. You rubbed your eye and glanced up at Eddie before slowing standing up and going over to sit in the passenger seat while Steve drove.

You looked over at him and bit your lip. "Wanna tell me what's going on with you now?" Steve kept his voice low as to not alert anyone else to your conversation. You shrugged and wrapped your arms around yourself. "I don't know.." you mumbled softly, looking down and sighing heavily.

"Everything just feels.... off. Weird." You tried to explain, frowning deeply. "Not... real." You mumbled, looking away when you saw Steve turn his head towards you. "Not real?" He asked curiously.

God you hated this, you didn't like the way Steve was looking at you, the worrisome look in his eyes, the way he was trying to figue what was going on in your head. "I guess.. its just... every time.. everything goes back to normal so fast..." you mumbled softly.

"Yeah.. what's so different this time?" He asked curiously, watching as your teeth dug into your bottom lip and you shrugged your shoulders again. "It feels... wrong.. Eddie... Eddie almost died.. like really almost died." Your voice trembled. "And i just... it feels wrong to pretend that everything is normal when it isn't.. everyone was just... carrying on the next day like it didn't even matter that Eddie almost died to anyone but me and Dusty."

"What do you mean?" Steve frowned. "Y/N/N.. we cared." He shook his head a little. "I know we didn't.. show up but we cared. How could we not?" He chuckled. "If it weren't for Munson we'd all be eaten by those damn bats." His voice was softer now as he turned his eyes to you again. "i don't have an excuse for not showing up, i mean, other than work but that's a bullshit reason." He sighed.

"That's... not the only thing.. everything just feels odd." You shrugged a little. "I can't explain it... it's like everything is numb..." You frowned, looking at your hands and rubbing them against your thighs. "I guess."

Steve's frown deepened, but it was obvious he was trying to understand what you were going through, you appreciated the effort. "i know it doesn't help but.. I'm sorry you feel that way Y/N/N... we put this together so you could have a break." He said softly, reaching over to squeeze your arm.

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You got to the beach around 1, first stopping so everyone could put on their bathing suits and get snacks and water. When you found a good place to park the car you all climbed out. You smiled and breathed deeply, taking in the smell of the beach, sighing happily. The idea of camping on the beach had gotten more and more inticing the closer you all got, you were practically bouncing by the time Steve found a good spot.

"Alright I say, we set up camp here." Steve nodded, hands on his hips as he serveyed the spot he'd chosen, turning his eyes to the group, half of which were already dropping their things and running for the waves, you and Eddie close behind as Nancy and Robin stayed back to help Steve set up the spot.

The second you and Eddie were in the water, the icy waves crashing against your feet, you felt your body relax, your shoulders drooped, and you breathed in, smiling widely and looking at Eddie as you grabbed his hand. "I love you." You said happily. Eddie grinned and pulled you close. "I love you too." He cupped your cheek with his free hand and pulled you close, kissing you softly.

You were all swimming when you saw a rather tall cliff looking over the ocean, it didn't seem like it would be a long walk. Dustin and Eddie got your attention pretty quickly, though, and you looked over to see them dunking eachother and wrestling in the salty water, making you laugh and shake your head fondly at the sight.

After a few hours of swimming everyone went back up onto the beach to wrap up and eat since the temperature was starting to drop a bit, soft gusts of wind coming out over the ocean but not quite reaching the beach. When the sun had set completely Steve set up a little fire, all of you gathering around it, you leaning on Eddie as you ate a sandwich, looking into the fire as Eddie's oh so warm arms wrapped around you. After the younger kids had gone to bed, exhausted from swimming no matter how much they tried to deny it, the five of you stayed up a little longer, you, Steve, and Eddie smoking a joint since Robin nor Nancy partook, the two were more than happy to hang around with their friends and watch them get high.

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You'd woken up before anyone else, listening to the sound of waves crashing, mixed with Eddie's breathing for about thirty minutes before you heard it. "Y/N..." you sat up quickly, frown on your face deep as panic started to rise in your chest. "Y/N." It was closer now, and although part of you tried to rationalize that he was dead, he wasn't coming back, you scrambled out of the tent, hands dug into the sand as you looked around.

You stood up and looked around, walking backwards away from the campsite, tripping over Robin's bag, which was far off for some reason, the girl couldn't be organized if her life depended on it. You fell over with a yelp, the sound alerting Dustin, who woke up and unzipped the tent, sticking his head out just in time to see you scrambling through the sand and bolting off towards the cliff.

He frowned and fell out of the tent when he went to step out, cursing before righting himself and alerting everyone to what he'd just seen. When you saw the tent start to unzip, you panicked, the corners of your vision blurry as you scrambled up in the sand and ran off, you didn't really know where you were going, figuring you'd run until you couldn't.

Before you knew it, you were at the edge of the cliff, toes just over the edge as you stared down at the crashing waves, wind pushing your hair back as you swallowed thickly, breathing the salty hair in through gasps. "Y/N!" The voice was Eddie's this time, you looked behidn you to see everyone running over. "Don't!" You shouted, causing them to stop as you moved closer to the edge, looking back at the water as you shook your head. "It's gonna be okay."

"Y/N... come on..." Steve put his hand on Eddie's shoulder as he stepped forward, your eyes still focused on the ocean below. "Tell us what's going on." He said softly.

Your fists curled a bit at your sides and you swallowed thickly. "I heard him." You whispered, scared to say the words any louder. "Vecna?" You nodded hesitantly, tears pooling in your eyes. "It's not real. I told you." Your voice trembled with your words.

Eddie looked between the two of you, frowning deeply. When the fuck was this? Harrington didn't think to share this with the class? He clenched his jaw before looking at you again, swallowing thickly. "Bunny..." he said softly, moving closer. You snapped your head over to him, vision blurred in the corners, his voice distorting as you closed your eyes tightly and tried to shake it away. "Step off the ledge.. can you do that for me?" He asked softly.

Your lip trembled a little, your arms coming to wrap around yourself slowly. "B-but I heard him.." you whispered. "He's not here." Eddie shook his head. "Remember?" He asked softly. "Steve.. Nance.. Robin... they killed him." He said softly. Your eyes drifted down as he got closer, your eyes falling on the scars on his torso, letting out a small sob as your eyes drifted over to everyone else, tearing your eyes away from them to look back at the ocean, your tears falling when you leaned over, the wind knocking them back against your arms, sending a chill through you.

Eddie took notice of the shudder immediately, getting an idea. "Hey.." his voice was soft, but firm enough to make you look over at him. "Remeber yesterday.. when we got in the water.." a small chuckle left his throat. "You let out the.. cutest little squeal cause the water was cold?" Your cheeks turned a little red. "It wasn't.. cute." You mumbled.

"Oh, Bunny, it was the cutest thing ever." He nodded, grinning before getting to his point. "You really wanna jump full fledge into that cold ass water?" The rest of them looked at him with wide eyes, well... that's not where they thought he was going with that. You looked at the water, and then back at Eddie. "Those are your only pajamas, too. They're gonna smell like the ocean until we get home." He scrunched his face a bit. "Plus.. that smack.. is gonna hurt, babe. You're gonna look like a penguin with a sunburn.. big ol' red spot across the front of your body. I mean, I think you'll be cute, but it's gonna hurt like a son of a bitch. I'm more than happy to rub ointment on you, though." He winked.

Everyone else groaned at that. "Watch it, Munson." Steve warned. You couldn't help but let out a small laugh, sniffling a little and swallowing thickly as you looked over the cliff, nodding hesitantly. "O-okay... okay." You said softly. "Alright." Eddie smiled and headed towards you as you turned around.

When you turned, though, because of how on the edge you were, you lost your footing, and slipped, your fingers grasping at the cliff-edge as everyone ran over to you. "Y/N!" "Y/N/N!" "BUNNY!" Eddie grabbed your arms just as your fingers slipped over the edge, slipping a bit before anchoring himself with his knees in the grass, grunting as he got a good grip on you.

You were all in complete hysteria, looking down at the ocean and then back at eachother, screaming at eachother to help you up this damn cliff, and despite it probably being possible for just Steve and Eddie, or even just Eddie, everyone was pulling you up onto the cliff.

As soon as you were up on the cliff everyone was falling to ground in a heap of sobbing messes, hugging you and eachother, you shaking like a leaf as you returned the hugs. "I'm sorry." You sobbed. "I'm so sorry." You shook your head rapidly, hugging Eddie tightly.

"It's okay. You're okay." Eddie rubbed yout back, shaking his head and closing his eyes. "I love you so much." He whispered softly. "I love you too." You sobbed, pulling back to look at everyone. "I ruined y-your plans. I'm sorry." You wiped your eye.

They all looked at eachother, and then you with a raised brow. "you kidding? You see us packing up?" Steve smirked. "This is just a hiccup, y/n/n." He shook his head and stood up. "Come on. We've got a beach and cold ass water to enjoy."

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Tag list:

@lunar-flwr @dahliarose3 @minimnmsdotcom @ranibewsprimskle @fabienne250503 @camcanyon @catherinnn @kaz120 @kiki51199 @babyali622 @nanamunath @giovannasgarden @munsonboyblog @meaganjm @kooksfor-life @ali-r3n @manitskatrina @you-arethepan @sleepy-zodiac @ilostmysoulbruh @literallylikepoison @mxbrbi @lov3ly-3m @slutfor-munson @slut-for-fictional-men-kms @rmeddar123 @redpool @spookykylie @sebby-staan @vulcrum332 @raybaeray

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson’s rings #eddie the banished #eddie the freak munson #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x reader #stranger things 4 #eddie stranger things #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x you #ballistic series #ballistic series part 7

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armandjolras · 4 days

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This will be rambly and overly personal, but ive been wanting to talk about Fosca as chronic illness representation, and why the musical version of her is especially relatable in this sense.

(I also haven’t read the book, so maybe some changes im attributing to the musical are from the book)

In the movie, Fosca’s illness almost seems an extension of her ugliness, meant to horrify the viewer. Ugliness takes focus as her main burden; we’re told that she was shunned for her looks as a child and are shown many jumpscare shots of her face. Sickness is merely a consequence of ugliness. When not acutely ill, she seems quite healthy, even energetic. (Obviously having seizures is a very serious illness in real life, i just mean the way it’s presented in the movie).

Most interesting to me, she doesn’t seem depressed at all; she’s quite upbeat and witty. Her manipulative toxicity in the movie doesn’t come from depression, but rather because she’s never been treated as a woman due to being an outcast, so she doesn’t feel she has to adhere to the decorum of one.

In the musical, I see Fosca’s illness as being much more than just an extension of being ugly. It appears to affect her continuously between acute episodes, and she moves wearily as if fighting pain and discomfort at every moment. While suffering over ugliness still caused her illness in this version, that ugliness is not as emphasised. We’re told that her parents loved her rather than shunning her, so she wasn’t an outcast, and she’s depicted as more pathetic spinster than scary Nosferatu.

She is also clearly depressed. In my opinion, her toxic behaviour comes not from flouting social norms, but from the desperation of depression. Maybe others also relate to being depressed and behaving badly as a cry for help, unable to stop despite knowing you’re being toxic, because you need acknowledgment from people. I see Fosca’s behaviour this way. Georgio is the first person who is nice to her, so she physically can’t stop trying to extract love from him by any means, even when she admits she’s in the wrong.

I relate to Fosca strongly in this. Since 2020 I’ve struggled with multiple chronic illnesses which have limited my physical abilities; today I cant even sit upright for more than 15 minutes, some days less. Since I dont have any family or friends in the country where I’m living, and went through diagnosis and surgery alone mid Covid, at times I’ve felt very isolated. In 2022 i could tell I was behaving a lot like Fosca — I didnt do anything super toxic, but I was putting too much emotional burden on my long-distance parents even as I knew I was stressing them out and upsetting them. It felt like such a compulsion, because I was scared and isolated and wanted someone else to know how much I was suffering so I wouldn’t be alone it it. I’m much healthier mentally now, but that took therapy and medication which Fosca doesn’t have. Its a terrible feeling to see your world getting smaller and your dreams becoming less possible, and going through that alone.

I’ve had a lot of frustration towards how my illnesses have limited what I can do, and i have to make an effort not to be resentful towards healthier people. The line “I read about the joys the world / Dispenses to the fortunate / And listen for the echoes” really captures this. “I know how soon a dream becomes an expectation / How can I have expectations?” When your world gets smaller, you have to give up your hopes bit by bit so you dont get hurt. “Look at me / No, captain, look at me / Look at me!” In her desperation she demands his attention, even when she knows she’s being rude and repelling him, she just feels compelled to connect with someone.

I know “I Read” can be interpreted as being about her ugliness rather than of physical illness, and maybe that actually is the correct interpretation. But I’m very convinced that musical Fosca is depressed in a way that movie Fosca is not, and most of her words and actions stem from that. I also believe that by placing less emphasis on her shocking ugliness, it only makes since that a lot of her suffering is due to her physical illness.

(And I also relate to Fosca’s final letter, where she says that appreciating the beauty in the world around you makes you want to go on living. Being ill has taught me to be much more grateful for small things in life.)

Other disclaimers: I dont mean Fosca’s suffering in the movie is NOT about her illness, in both versions its a combo of ugliness + illness. I just think they’re in different ratios. Also im not trying to be a Fosca apologist, I know shes super toxic and a stalker and essentially an incel, and also super annoying, I just understand her perspective. And finally I do like movie Fosca! Shes iconic I just relate to musical Fosca more.

#passion musical #sorry this is so personal and tmi I just wanted to share!#Interested whether others feel the same about movie vs musical fosca #its ok to interact with/reblog/etc this post btw

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arunneronthird · 1 year

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Hi, this is the Bruce and Jason anon again and you're completely right! Tim and Kon's situation is very different from Bruce and Jason's because Tim was like...literally trying to engineer a perfect replacement for someone he lost ON PURPOSE. Which is just completely fucking crazy from start to end. Especially when Kon, as a clone himself, struggled in the past with the idea of being created in a lab explicity to perfectly replace another person, then ending up not being identical/perfect enough to do that and having to learn to become his own person instead, not just superman 2.0. Like Tim was actually insane to still try and clone him while actively KNOWING all of this about his best friend and still deciding to go ahead and become the cadmus/lex luthor in this poor clone's story.

Also with the benefit of being able to actually know what happened while Jason was dead, how Bruce grieved, the whole messy process of how Tim actually became Robin, etc. through the comics, I agree that Bruce wasn't necessarily wrong. What I was mainly talking about was Jason coming back from the dead without any knowledge of how much of a wreck Bruce was when he was gone and seeing the product of that grief without any of the context.

Like Jason checks back in on his dad after maybe a year or two (idk comic timelines) and there is just a full ass new child (around the age jason was when he died no less) living in Jason's house, swinging round Gotham in Jason's old suit colours using Jason's vigilante name (the suit he died in, the name that he died for). He even LOOKS like Jason with his black hair a blue eyes. And because of the severe lack of context Talia provides, from the outside it's exactly as if Jason has been replaced, not grieved. Like when TV shows recast one of their main actors and the story continues on without stopping to acknowledge that anything is out of the ordinary. As if this new person has been here the entire time and the old one never existed at all.

Jason was also having problems with Bruce before he died so seeing this shiny new Robin take his place (and actually be good at it) is just so heartbreaking. Again, without knowing anything about Bruce and Tim's relationship, to Jason it'd seem like Bruce just got a shiny new sidekick that was Robin in all the ways B wanted and valued, all the ways Jason wasn't. It's worse when Dick, who Jason had a pretty strained relationship with, is all over the new guy in a way he never was with him. It mirrors what you were saying about Tim making the version of Kon that loved him in the way original-Kon didn't. Obviously not what happened to Bruce and Tim but WE know that not Jason

The third part doesn't really fit them so much, the only thing I can think of is Jason coming to the realisation that Bruce didn't actually care about him, or Dick, that he probably didn't even care about the new kid either. Like Tim and his clones, Robins all eventually get discarded and thrown away when they don't meet B's standards, when they're not perfect enough. It's what Bruce and Dick used to fight about all the time too, before Jason died. Has Steph been Robin yet by the time Jason comes back? Idk. It would certainly add to that idea. Child after child, in the middle of gun fight after gun fight. What kind of a monster does that? So Jason decides to put it to the test. How much does Bruce actually care about Robin? He certainly didn't seem to care when Jason died, but maybe that's too small of a sample size. There needs to be multiple test trials. If Batman thinks so little of his sidekicks, if he's really going to be so careless with them, then he should to be prepared to lose a few.

Sorry for how long this is, I was typing and completely lost the run of myself.

i... had like a page typed out and then the whole building lost power so i think thats a sign for me to stop answering while at work, i wont listen though

honestly im really glad that tumblr now shortens posts, but never apologize for length, i thought this was a great read and i love getting peoples opinions on things!

i agree with all this, really, i think jason, pumped full of green pit rage water, would come back and see himself replaced and completely snap, it works really well and i love that narrative

i dont think jason feels bad for losing robin, it wasnt his to lose, he wore dicks suit while tim wore a new one out of respect for him, i think he felt replaced in a... deeper level

he came back to see that someone was occupying the space the grief and pain would have been in, someone else was pushing his ghost away, living his life, being loved by his father, being cared for by his brother, someone better at his job than he ever was, cold and smart where he was rash and angry, he came back to see that he was not only replaced, him being dead made things better

ofc, this wasnt true, his death nearly destroyed bruce, and it took a lot of effort to get him to feel human again cause he had lost his son, but jason didnt know that, as u said

meanwhile, i love the new 52 tim, i think hes tragic in a visceral way, and i love how his pain is so easy to feel, but in a way im glad we dont really talk about that era too much and usually act like its not relevant to the canon cause... its hard to justify tim being a good person in the new comics after reading the 2015s one

like, tim failing to clone kon doesnt justify him actually trying to replace his dead best friend who struggled with his place in the world, and i think the writers recently realized if they want tim to be a dark but brave hero they cant also make him morally corrupt at best and absolutely insane, theres a difference between red robin desperately trying to find batman and being a rude mess in the process and red robin basically experimenting with lives

#that was a fun read! thank u! i hope im making sense im rewriting this and kinda exhausted

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aliensunflower-fics · 10 months

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'bad heart and knees' not to pry but are you disabled? is that why you have a donations thing on your blog? I know this might be personal so you dont need to answer im just curious ヽ（≧□≦）ノ

I'm not officially disabled. No doctor has ever told me as much but that's mostly because when I've gone to the doctor they focus only on my weight and ignore my concerns. I'm hoping to change that soon. The donation thing is actually something else. Anyway uhhh warning bit of a rant about my health read if you want??? I guess??? Also explanation about donation thing.

I damaged both my knees a lot growing up due to several accidents and incidents and even have some faded scars on them they have good days and bad the weather can effect them a lot somedays I wake up and they just ache due to the rain. So stairs and me don't get along much.

As for my heart I don't know WHAT is up with it exactly, its been kinda weird ever since I was a skinny child to now. And by weird I mean it HURTS when I'm suddenly forced to run or climb up lots of stairs (a single flight or two is fine but climbing up 7 like I have to do to get up to my apartment really takes it out of me). For years I just thought I was unhealthy but then I found out that its not suppose to like hurt when you run, wind you? yes. beat faster? yes. not pound so much it hurts. I also found out my heart does not appreciate planes much my first flight overseas I was struggling to breathe my heart was fluttering and I was light headed the whole time. A few people in the medical field have told me it might be a blood pressure thing? Or a weak heart. I hope to figure it out eventually when I find a doctor who will listen to me.

As for the donation thing, well its there due to my mental health actually. I got really badly depressed and stopped writing for years due to the fact I felt like my hobbies were 'useless' therefor not good enough to do or share. Eventually I was suggested adding a donation button not to make money per-say (though I will be honest it does help pay for things I'm not exactly rich) but in order to help my brain acknowledge there is value in hobbies and in creating. I don't need to write a book for writing to still have value and by having a donation button I force my own brain to acknowledge that I see this as a worthwhile thing to do. Honestly I didn't think it would work but surprisingly it did slowly being forced to add that donation link made me recognize that I see what I do as having worth even if no one ever donates and I make zero money its WORTH doing to me, and thats all it needs to be.

So uhh yeah that was longer then I thought. I don't mind telling yall more about me but its also odd your so curious about me im so boring.

#its just me

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the-eldritch-it-gay · 1 year

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anyways if anyone's wondering how im doing, here's a WIP of a glorified diary entry that's me reflecting on the question "Do you take pride in your work" and talking about the abysmal state of being a part-time custodian at a public school.

“Do you take pride in your work?”

When I was being interviewed, I was asked how my former employer would describe me in. I took a moment and came up with, “passionate, dedicated, someone who loves what they do”. (I had 5 different managers at my last job. My former employer only saw me once and never evaluated my work). It wasn’t entirely a lie, though, I enjoyed my time as a student custodian in a college dorm. It was hell, I dealt with horrific messes made by people my age who didn’t consider that a person deals with their trash, someone almost called the police on me because I was suspicious (i.e. a brown Muslim), I was frequently injured, my grades suffered because of how taxing the work was. But I like routine, I liked that I didn’t have to talk to people and I could just listen to music and shuffle around cleaning. I don’t love cleaning, but I love spending time and doing something repetitive and straightforward. If I had to pick between working in retail and cleaning bathrooms, I’d take cleaning bathrooms any day.

When my new manager was showing me around the building, he told me that everyone here loves what they do and takes pride in a job well done, and he said he could tell I was the same way. I felt guilty when he said that, like I would be betraying him if I told him the truth.

I was having a rather difficult night during my last shift. I was physically in agony, mentally I was struggling with paranoia and auditory hallucinations (not helped by the knowledge the day manager watches the cameras and checks my work). I was cleaning a 2nd-grade classroom (the worst one, the one that has always left behind massive messes) and while I vacuumed and let my mind wander, a question found its way into my brain.

“Do you take pride in your work?”

Tears welled in my eyes, sharp and painful as I thought of the answer to that question.

I wish I did. It’s hard to. There’s not much I can find to take pride in. What could I take pride in? I was here because despite a bachelor's degree I couldn’t find any work and I needed to get money to eat somehow. I’m here because I live in my parents' basement and they’ll only let me stay if I have a job. I’m here because custodial work is the only job people seem to want to hire me for. I’m here, hiding the fact that I’m physically disabled so I can do manual labor and destroy my body for a wage that could never pay for rent, doing a job with 0 benefits.

I bought nice work pants to wear at the job but most days I can’t even manage to put them on because it’s too hard on my body.

When I worked in a dorm, I sometimes felt pride. It might have been sparingly, but I did feel good sometimes. On the weekends, I was the only one cleaning the dorm. While the building was nearly a ghost town with how asocial every resident was, I would still see the residents. I would smiled at them from behind my niqab when I passed them in the hallways carrying trash. I exchanged pleasantries and a few words with the small handful of residents who weren’t white. Once or twice, I would catch a resident bringing their trash out and I would offer to take it and they would thank me. During the worst of COVID, my duties included bringing food to people in quarantine and taking their trash to the dumpster since they couldn’t take it themselves. I felt like I was doing something good, even if most of the residents wouldn’t acknowledge my presence or make eye contact, even though I was hate-crimed while on duty, even though I saw the worst in people.

My new job is at a public school, after hours. I’ve only seen a teacher once, I never see any of the children who learn in the classrooms I clean. The one teacher I did see looked at me once and then let me gather her trash in silence. I doubt any of the teachers know who cleans their classrooms, I wonder half the time if the children even know someone cleans the school. How many of them were brought up being told that they need to study or they’ll end up cleaning bathrooms? Do the students who write obscenities on the walls of the bathroom know that if I don’t get it off the wall, I’ll get written up? That every time I try to clean it off, it’s motivated by paranoia that if I don’t, I put my job in jeopardy.

I don’t take pride in my work. My cleaning is not motivated by love or dedication or care, but fear. I’ve been applying for jobs since late 2021, slowly burning through my savings trying to stay afloat. I clean in fear, in knowledge that in a year of applying for jobs this is the only job I’ve even been interviewed for. That if I slip up, if I slack, if I fail to meet requirements, I’ll lose my only income.

I’m an abuse survivor, I come from a bad home and difficult childhood, I have PTSD. I don't take pride in my work, everything I do I fear is inadequate. I assume I’m doing everything wrong, that I’m only being tolerated at most and one slip-up will bring me a world of pain. It doesn’t help that I was barely trained. The only reason I’ve managed so far is relying on the 2 years of experience I have at my previous job.

I push around a cart full of cleaning supplies that I haven’t been taught to use. At the dorm, I had 4 main products, a general disinfectant, a bathroom cleaner, a glass cleaner, and on occasion, hospital-grade disinfectant spray. I knew the kill times for each, where to use each. At my current job, my cart and closet are full of an assortment of products, half of them the sort of thing you’d find in a Walgreens. If things look dirty, I was told to spray it with disinfectant. A far cry from my previous job where I would spray down and clean every high-touch surface (tables, the backs and arms of chairs, door handles, railings, window sills).

I don’t take pride in my work, I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough. I feel like I should be wiping down tables and desks and chairs. Children are messy, we’re still in a pandemic. But at my job, I’ve been told to mainly vacuum, take out trash, make sure there’s soap, polish the water fountain. I only have 4 hours to clean 10 classrooms, 2 bathrooms and 2 gyms. I feel like I barely have any time to clean each room.

How can I take pride in my work.

#Eldritch IT Speaks #i suppose this is closer to a vent than a diary. if only because its something i want to share to unload

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