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cringefail-clown · 3 months

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at last, where doing it man where MAKING THIS HAPPEN

cringes jakehal fic rec list

just so were clear: some of the fics are unfinished, and havent been updated in a while. leaving a comment to let the author know that youre reading and youre enjoying it is fine, but dont be a bag of dicks and harass them over when the new chapter will be up. have some decency or else ill be inside your walls.

Heart by fawn_writes || rated T || 1/1 || 663 words - man its so good. short and sweet. jake comes by to witness the construction of hals new body while also reminiscing about the times he fought brobot and his untimely demise. a good sparkling of body worship. "Everything will be normal. They’ll manage to keep it normal. After all, Jake has enough of his own heart to share." - fuck, that lines so effervescent.

What he needs by fawn_writes || rated M || 1/1 || 1259 words - another banger from the same author. they be doing the horizontal tango, but nothings too graphic. healthy serving of body worship from jakes perspective, as well as his internal struggle with his apparent robotic attraction.

Dead Weight by squirtgunplay || rated M || 5/9 || 27337 words - oh that fic. oh my god. love me some zombie apocalypse au with existential horror sprinkled on top. hal and dirk are twins but with a twist in this one. theres mystery. theres injuries that make you incapable of moving around. theres ship of theseus discussion. its nourishing. its beautiful. jake and hals banter in this one is fucking amazing, and the author captures their characters so well. the relationship between hal and dirk is also very fucking good and heartwrenching and just ugh. stellar writing, the forth wall break made me laugh out loud, hal gets called a security camera (derogatory). theres graphic depictions of violence, so beware of the tags.

Tennessee Whiskey & You by MistLaFey || rated T || 5/? || 12217 words - major character death and graphic depictions of violence tagged, so beware and read the tags. no-sburb au. dirk fucking dies (its in the fic description so i dont feel like its a spoiler). beautiful exploration of grief, unhealthy coping mechanisms and trying to get back into the normal life when theres a big part of it suddenly missing. hal and dirk are twins. jake is not doing well. hal is also not doing well, but pretending he is. its heartbreaking and some scenes made my chest hurt. very good fic and i dont understand why it doesnt get more love. it deserves it. go read it, even just for the funeral scene, i got teary-eyed over it.

seconds by squirtgunplay || rated E || 2/2 || 18698 words - graphic depictions of violence and its no joke, presidential alert the girls are fightinnn!! but its also so funny and the authors so funny and its also really hot! no sburb au, hals a human and dirks twin. he gets kidnapped by a craigslist hitman jake who mistakes him for dirk. the banter is top game in this one. hal cant keep his mouth shut even in life or death situation. jakes a dork, but hes a deadly dork, and also cant keep his mouth shut about his personal problems. theres fistfighting and knifethrowing and hal gets a weapon put to his head at least twice and he thinks its pretty damn hot. theres banging in second chapter. what more can i say to sell you on this one. the characters are on point, the action is tense but its also written in a cheeky, fun way, smut is good, a npc gets unsubscribed from life. amazing fic, 10/10, will read it again.

I Think Therefore I AR by Taxi_Boy || rated T || 25/? || 30417 words - im saving the best for last. major character death. hal has to start the game and get his friends into the medium while dirk is missing, while also pretending to be dirk as to not raise their suspicions. im not going to say anymore about the plot, you just have to go and read the fic. genuinely my favourite jakehal - and homestuck in general - fic of all time. i love caliborn in this one. i cant wait to see what the author has cooked up for us in the future. its plainly genious.

these are only ao3 fics as i have no clue how tf you search other fanfic sites for a specific ship, but if you have any other recommendations feel free to add them onto this post! we all need some good jakehal fic recs in these trying times!

#homestuck #homestuck au #jake english #hal strider #lil hal #auto responder #jakehal #haljake #reblog to save a jakehaler

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thesherrinfordfacility · 7 months

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i know loads of other people have written and theorised about this, and there was an amazing post about how someone knew the actual owner of the bentley and how things had to get swapped around*, but for the sake of my own bloody sanity i needed to go through all the bentley snippets we see re: seat colours, interior door panel colours, and the bond transfers because otherwise it was going to drive me loopy-

*if anyone has a link for this post, please wing it over to me and i will link, it was really interesting!!!

let's start with the 1941 and 1967 flashbacks where we see the bentley: ✅ brown seats ✅ brown panels (as far as i can tell) ✅ bullet decal (1967):

then let's move to s1. tbh, i've only done this for the sake of full disclosure, but as far as i can tell, ✅ brown seats ✅ brown panels ✅ bullet decal (no pics but fairly content that they're there in all scenes):

*correction, apologies! middle right should be ep4!

and then, post bentley going up like kindling, and being resurrected by adam, we can see what looks to be black seats and, i'd hazard is an open window (given the lack of shimmer/reflection compared to the window on its left) - see we can't confirm the bullet decals. however - and mainly because it doesnt fit the pattern im about to lay out - this image is very zoomed in, and lighting quality isn't quite reliable. so personally, im considering this as inconclusive:

so now let's move onto s2. eps 1 and 2 are fairly straightforward, ✅ brown seats ✅ brown panels ✅ bullet decal:

episode 1: (3rd and 4th images are before and after the beelzebub interaction)

episode 2:

but here's where things get interesting (stating the obvious, i know that everyone knows this), but given that this is when aziraphale takes the bentley - after the very poignant "our car' discussion - we can see the following:

setting off from soho: ✅ brown seats ✅ bullet decal ❓brown panels, but likely

on the way to edinburgh: ❌ black seats ✅ bullet decal ❌ black panels

arrival in edinburgh: ❌ black seats ✅ bullet decal ❌ black panels

okay, well, he changed the bodywork and hubcaps too, so this makes sense. but black? for aziraphale? feels somewhat like it's a compromise; he's gone ostentatious on the outside, literally the colour of crowley's eyes, but red leather for the interior... is a little much. so he compromises - keeps the decals (to honour his knight in turtleneck armour), but changes the inside to a cool, suave black. very 007.

but then we go to ep4, and specifically when aziraphale is accosted by shax. now, clear point to remember - shax has to have permission to enter, and compared to ep2 when she asks but materialises inside anyway, she now waits for aziraphale to acquiesce. this is the difference between a demon's car, and a demon-and-angel-couple-who-arent-quite-yet-a-couple-but-thats-just-semantics' car. by this point, crowley has accepted, agreed, that it is their car.

hitchhiker: ❌ black seats ✅ bullet decal ❌ black panels

return to soho: ❌ black seats ✅ bullet decal ❌ black panels

ep5 carries on in much the same way as the end of ep4 - crowley has not changed anything since edinburgh, ❌ black seats ✅ bullet decal ❌ black panels (not pictured, but can be seen in the same bit as the first pic):

and then ep6, beloved. again, nothing has changed. crowley's window is, however, rolled down in the departure scene, so the decal can't be accounted for. that being said, im fairly sure we can be certain it's there (and i have a thought about why it's rolled down but tbh it's so arbitrary that it's barely worth mentioning imo). in any case, ❌ black seats ❓ bullet decal ❌ black panels:

now i know there's the whole separate thing about the exterior changing from light grey to dark grey/black, but tbh i think that is going to be down to the continuity issue with the original bentley used in s1. as for neil's answers on his asks, here and here... look. could be something of nothing, but i don't think personally it's a wider conspiracy; i think it could be just be either that yeah, maybe some of my colour assignments in the above screenshots are wrong, or he's doing his parent-teacher-writing thing of what do you think?

maybe not, maybe it was a continuity issue, and we just have to apply hc to this to get an explanation.

well, mine is just simply that it's not a nefarious issue or mucking about with time etc... i think crowley just accepted aziraphale's ownership, and whilst he drew the line at yellow bodywork (the respectable choice imo, tbh), he kept everything else.

#good omens #sanctuary/bentley theory #aziraphale meta #crowley meta #s1 meta #s2 meta #flashback meta #exactly 0 people asked for this but fuck it this is my house

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clovenhoofedjester · 2 months

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jellicle lineups; part 1/4

hi catsblur ! today i am presenting to you the fruits of my labor. my own little versions of the jellicle cats; obviously based on the replica designs With Fun Little Twists ! such as, they are not naked. ramble below the cut, both on designs and some personal thoughts on the characters

these designs are very much first-draft, subject to change, blah blah. you will very likely be seeing me drawing them differently if i post more of them. i just. urrbhhh. i had 2 draw them....

and the clothes ! even though they're very feline i draw them a bit too human-y for the nakedness to not look consistently weird. i will be drawing them closer to the stage designs in some instances but for rn. clothes. it was a fun exercise in character design too

the kittens are all young adults, think 18-20 ! as much as i love headcanons like demeter being sillabubs mother, it shrimply will not work out timeline-wise. so headcanons like that will be delegated to like... siblings and stuff

victoria | 🍧 💌 🩰

i started out with victoria's design not only because of her being the Main Kitten, but because she has such a concise and clear aesthetic to me. she actually started out with a simple pastel brown dance practice fit before i decided that i wanted to make the outfits ornate(ish) and ended up with a proper ballerina getup

i also quite like when victoria is not just solid white with some grey (love ones that are more yellow or brown) so i colored her fur with some blue and pink-ish tones not only to add more depth but to resemble the trans flag LOL

and i wanted to try something different with making her a bit more lavender than baby pink. i also based her overall look on obc victoria, portrayed by cynthia onrubia :^]

to move on to character interpretation, i think victoria is partially deaf and mute. she primarily communicates through dance. as one of the oldest kittens she'd be 19 in human years

plato | 💐 🕯 🍬

plato's design doesnt stray too far from his standard replica design but i tried to add my own flair . i tried to keep the creepy porcelain doll aesthetic going w their face added some more depth like some other designs with different colors and bold face stripes

i also really like the outfit i chose for them. the flower in their hair and on their shirt is a peony which is a popular wedding flower :") because im a sucker for platoria and very much subscribe to the idea that the ball we see is their funny cat wedding in a way

the outfit is based on standard ballerino costumes but i tried to stray from it with the silky half-skirt thing and pointe shoes. lets go queer cats lets go

i think plato is also very quiet and that's why he and victoria were so drawn to each other. i also quite like the idea that he was a bit of a troubled stray before he found the jellicles. they would be 20 in human years

electra |⚡🥭 🔔

boy i STRUGGLED with electra's clothes i struggled so hard. i think i'm happy with what i ended up with though—i originally gave her the babydoll dress that sillabub has (inspired by artsed electra) but figured that i wanted at least one of the girls to be more tomboyish/butchy. thank you to that one production which apparently had electra be one of the raffish crew and get in on some of the boys' choreography

im very happy with what i did with her fur colors as well. silly little tortoiseshell :] its based on a nonrep but i have no idea which one. enjoy her freckles too

i think electra deserves to be a little spunky. [whispers] i also think shes bombalurinas little sister. she'd be 18 in human years

etcetera | 🎠 🍯 🏅

i needed at least one cat with a circus aesthetic. say hello to my magnum opus: jacked tumbler acrobat etcetera. it was only a matter of time until someone said fuck it and let one of the girls perform lifts and stuff. this is mostly because ive always really liked how shes usually the cat to do the flying trapeze bit and wanted to push it further

i also struggled SO EXTREMELY HARD with making her colors look nice and makeup distinctive but i figured it out in the end—thank you obc cettie for the mismatched eyeshadow and such. i also wanted to give a cat a short bob type of head fur/hairstyle and she fit the bill

nothing much about specific character notes other than like... i want to make her related to some of the cats but cannot for the life of me figure out who 2 assign. also she'd be around 19 in human years, a couple months younger than vic

sillabub | 🌻 🧋 🎼

i think of all of these little fellas sillabub is my favorite. several elements are balanced in her design—the standard jemima with a darker/reddish palette, the more softer and lighter sillabub design, the red eye patch from il sistina jemima, and the overall aesthetic of obc jemima with the big hair and wide, deepset eyes

i've seen her typical design critiqued by some people and wanted to incorporate those critiques by making her look less similar to demeter/bombalurina, adding more red to her body fur, and making her makeup more distinct and less... wooo girl give us nothing. and i included the squiggly on her collarbone

i also really REALLY love her overall aesthetic of sweet kindhearted girl NAMED AFTER A DEMON WITH SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG COLORING AND GIGANTIC SPIKED COLLAR !!!! so i decided to push it by making the collar definitely too big for her, giving her a slightly "edgy" outfit and making her hair resemble devil horns

as for character stuff, i think she has magical powers though i haven't developed exactly What they are yet. beyond her sweet exterior they trouble her. [whispers] i also think shes demeters little sister. she would be 18 in human years, a few months younger than electra and tumblebrutus

pouncival | 🌱 🩹 🍵

i struggled with pouncival's clothing design like i did electra's because i didn't go into drawing him with a particular gimmick in mind. but i think i'm happy with the casual formal look. it makes him look like such a kind young man even if he's a little shit

i did have a lot of fun trying to make his makeup distinctive from tumblebrutus'—so many fellas with brown eyepatches ! so his colors are more dark and striking. i also tried to make him look less like Typical Cis Man by giving him a bit of black lipstick

enjoy his freckles too

but like. i think hes literally such a little cis guy. nothing else for me to add for my specific interpretation of him it's all laid out. this guy fucking loves rocket league, fishing and chess. he'd be 19 in human years

tumblebrutus | 🎡 🥊 🍦

SWEET TUMBLEBRUTUS. i think drawing him here gave me a soft spot for him. with his outfit mirroring cettie's i didn't much struggle with that. his colors are also based on obc tumblebrutus

when i was first conceptualizing my own versions of the cats i wanted at least one of them asides from grizabella to have wavy fur. and idk what it is, maybe it's the lack of content for him, but i was really drawn to the idea of curly tumblebrutus!

i wanted their design to be distinctive from pouncival's so i made their colors softer, kinda watercolor-y. OH AND THEIR FUR IS ALSO MEANT TO BE A LITTLE TRANS FLAG COLORED

as for character, i think he is also a bit troubled, as a son of grizabella's. you heard me, people. i'm probably the first person ever to headcanon that. he'd be 18 in human years

AND THAT'S ABOUT IT ! thank you for reading this far, have a great day and stay tuned for more designs in the days to come !

#cats the musical #cats 1998 #character design #chibi #sfw furry #victoria #plato #electra #etcetera #sillabub #pouncival #tried glazing this; didn't love the artifacting effect so it remains unglazed #i suppose i am laying down and dying at the hands of tech bros #tagging 98 because theyre all based on it as a baseline #my art

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buqbite · 11 months

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Just voicing some thoughts I had before I keep reading and discover what the deal with 49 is in the newest chapters bc. you know. This might Break me

I can't assure you that this will make any sense

THING IS I am ALWAYS thinking about 49 kdj. Because orv always makes it clear that these alternate versions of the characters are still THEM. If you were to meet your friend as someone they remember differently they wont be the same. But it's still them.

If you were to travel back in time and meet your friend, who now has less memories than they do in your time then they'd be different but, again, it's STILL them

And one thing I love is just how much we look at 1863 vs 1864 hsy for example and treat them as separates but never doubt that they are BOTH her. And the story does too

And I already adore how biased our view is. We don't have a neutral, objective view on the story, because the narration will always draw you back into it's subjective viewpoint (heh) while you read (sidenote - One thing Im doing while rereading orv is to always try to remember that kdj is an unreliable narrator and I keep catching myself forgetting about that fact and getting wrapped up in it again as I read)

And the change in perspective really shows that too. The way that we're alienated from 49 through the switch to 3rd person, just through words alone! GOD!! And the way we don't get to see how he feels, what he's thinking, what he was DOING during the 1865th turn, it's like they almost forgot he was even there

And orv was written by hsy. Her view is biased, the way she views 49, the way kdj and kimcom all viewed 49 is so clear. They talk about wanting all of him back, they say things like "If theres even 1% left in that subway we're getting him back", they grieve over the idea that they will never get 100% of him, but they have so much of him already and can't take the time to write his story

I can't remember the name of it, but there's a theory in psychology that I have to think of- Where you push someone to do something, and the more you try to get them to do it, the more they retreat, the less effective your efforts become, the more you get frustrated and push more and so on and so forth. It's something I have to think of with hsy right now. What if she doesnt come to accept that she cant have 100%? What if she pushes further and further and loses more of kdj in the process?

49 deserves to be acknowledged by the story. I want to know how it felt to be told by the novel written about YOU that you are not considered as you, just because the readers have been made to view you that way

so yeah cant wait to find out why 49 is being brought up in the side stories

#Grammar mistakes arent my problem. I become more nonsensical the more I get wound up in my brain. L #orv #orv meta #idk i might as well tag these atp #orv spoilers #orv epilogue spoilers #orv side story #orv side story spoilers #so many fucking spoilers my god #long post #txt

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chaifootsteps · 4 months

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I get mad thinking about Vivziepop’s questionable writing or dialogue choices sometimes—and then I just feel sad after because I really wish I could see her shows as something naunced and worthy of thoughtful discussion. I wish I could love these shows wholeheartedly like I use to, and its only the attachment I still hold for her works that keep me sticking around, but man, I feel so disheartened sometimes that I wish I could just let it go and move on already, but its hard.

I don’t see either of her shows being things that are going to be remembered as super amazing or have a fandom passionate about the work like 10 years down the line. I can’t look at her characters and think about their possible motivations or analyze them deeply based on interaction, or just general presence in the story, because there is no depth greater than a pond. With her antagonists she writes them in such a particular way that they serve less as actual characters and more as glorified plot devices and nothing more, and with her protagonists she leaves them as overdeveloped or underdeveloped at the same time.

What am I suppose to take when watching her shows? With Helluva Boss, I can’t tell what I’m suppose to gleam from it. Is the story about relationships and focuses on character interaction and characters more than the plot itself? Its not doing that great of a job at that. Theres no changes in character dynamics, characters dont really interact with one another meaningfully most of the time, and relationships arent explored enough outside of already established ones. Is it about fighting against a system that is rigged against you and standing up against the ones in power? No, it isn’t, because the opression our main characters face isnt relevant enough in the story outside of the ocassional reminder that, yes, Imps are the lowest in the system, yes, imps can be quite literally sold as property and serve as servants and the working force to the ones in power, and, yes, imps face discrimination. (Can you tell the supremacist line pissed me off yet.)

I.M.P—who are all apart of marginalized species in hell—do not talk about these issues they face. Crimson is literally a mafia boss in Greed and he doesn’t seem to have any problems being a imp in power despite the demons working under him being higher in status than he himself is. (Minus the money problems because it doesnt seem actually relevant to anything and isnt brought up afterwards) Why have our main characters be apart of the lower class at all if it isnt actually important to the show. By the end of this show, the hierachy isnt going to change because status quo is god, and the worst case scenario possible is that Blitz gets with Stolas and becomes a prince and lives a life where the same species he’s apart of literally serves under him.

And speaking of status quo, what on earth is season 2 of Hazbin going to even be about if season 1 ends in a literal war between Heaven and Hell? You don’t just change the status quo that drasitically in one season—unless if Hell and Heaven were at war since the start? But it doesnt seem that way. Would Season 2 focus on redemption—but if that’s the case, why make season 1 the war between hell and heaven when season 2 would be more fitted for it instead?

I never thought these shows would be on ‘Breaking Bad’ tier levels of writing, but I thought they were going to at least be something I could walk away from with a clear understanding of what message it wants to tell and how I can interpret it as part of an auidence, but maybe I was wrong to think the stories Medrano writes have something wonderfully insightful to give, and it really hurts to think about.

I know how you feel, Anon. A shame we can't all have just one day to look into the good timeline where Viv's the writer and person we hoped she would be, and these shows are everything we were looking forward to.

#Anonymous #hazbin hotel critical #viv stuff #actual blog post

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t4transsexual · 26 days

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have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

#shoutout to my girlfriend for putting up with whats left of me #even though she says its not something she 'puts up with' because she loves me #trans #t4t #transhet #transmasc #t4t mlw #st4t #trans man #transgender #also had someone who said i was 'missing the point' of being t4t one time #like earlier this year #took all i had to not be like #'nope. i got it'

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dreeaams · 1 month

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LET ME BE CLEAR, your emotions (energy in motion) ARE A MANIFESTATION. They cannot be the cause of any of your manifestation because the only thing that causes your manifestation is your mind.

So if your mind creates your manifestation what do you mean by that, you may ask? THE THOUGHTS(4D) that you are constantly thinking and your INNER DIALOGUE(4D) are the cause of your manifestations(3D).

Thoughts and inner dialogue are the same exact thing but please stop listening to those “gurus” that say “you need to feel those feelings of happiness and gratitude for it to work or that if you feel sad or mad it won’t work out.”

THAT IS COMPLETELY FALSE because your FEELINGS are the end results/a manifestation and it came from a THOUGHT/ INNER SPEECH that you were already thinking.

Example:

I know that my SP is obsessed with me but I have that disgusting feeling in my body that he doesn’t care about me because he ghosted me 2 days ago.

1. ALL CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEUTRAL, it doesn’t mean shit at all. YOU ARE THE ONE PUTTING A MEANING TO IT. Only you!

2. Because you don’t know that all circumstances are neutral you now say in your mind that oh my SP ghosted me for two days so now he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t give a fuck about me boohoohoo.

Stop fucking whining, bitching, and complaining! Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONE PUTTING A MEANING TO YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES!!

3. By whining, bitching and complaining you are telling yourself that that circumstance is negative and because of that stupid belief you attract more negative events. And you also tell yourself that your SP doesn’t give a fuck about you so what happens? HE DOESNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.

4. What should I do instead you may ask? Great question! Know that ALL CIRCUMSTANCES ARE FUCKING NEUTRAL, ALL OF IT. Once you understand that, know that your emotion doesn’t mean shit at all because that too it is the results of your thoughts. Your emotions are neutral too they have no meaning unless you put a meaning to it.

5. In manifestation (the law of assumption to be precise) you are the one creating your own rules only you so if you think a certain way, then you are always right I promise you. Make up your own fucking rules and stop listening to all those stupid techniques that makes you more depressed and anxious.

6. Keep telling yourself that your SP is obsessed with you, “Every circumstance is leading me to my manifestation NO MATTER WHAT” you are the most important person on this earth for him, he thinks about you 24/7. Don’t forget that your imagination is the only reality and that what you see in the 3D it is a reflection.

Just understand that you are the operant power, you manifest every single second of your life with the thoughts that you think and your inner dialogue. You are the one creating the rules I promise you your life will complete turn around.

If you have more questions ask me and go watch her videos they are so fucking good she changed my life 😭 love you girlies follow me for more❤️

youtube

#law of assumption #loassumption #loa tumblr #manifestation #manifesting #god #self love #inner knowing #inner thoughts #inner world #Youtube

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iratusmus · 11 months

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so bizarre to me when people give fiona a redemption arc like making her evil wasnt literally like the fundamental core of making her an actually interesting character. like . ok actually i was mostly planning on just leaving the post as this but im going to make a proper post whining about this because ive seen it far too often for my liking.

it appears to me that a lot of people do this because they dislike fiona/scourge which is like. sure i get it. but you could literally just... break them up . and have her continue being awful on her own. like scourge is not the reason she switched sides and i find the idea. 1) a bit misogynistic frankly but thats more of a personal gripe than anything else like god forbid a woman make bad choices of her own volition and not because a man forced her hand into doing it (YES i am aware that abuse makes this more complicated than that but also we .... already have a relationship in archie sonic that fits this exact bill. yes it wasnt written well but the wonder of fan works is that you can always make it better. so why are we repeating it again 1:1) and 2) demeaning to the point of her character.

like. ok. lets go over the facts real quick. as a kid fiona got put in robotnik's salt mines and got accidentally left behind bc sonic & co couldnt find her. she realized that nobody was going make the effort to go save her, so she dug herself out and started life on the run as a treasure hunter/thief. she didnt ever really accept the fact that sonic and mighty not saving her wasnt really their fault, and even after becoming a freedom fighter, nobody ever said anything or apologized or said "hey wow that kind of sucks you went through all that". she never really made any actual friends within the ff or formed any meaningful bonds. she starts dating sonic, but its pretty clear that the only reason they're dating is that she's his rebound post The Slap. the moment her history with bean & bark came up - after she used that knowledge to save everybody - sally immediately turns on her and sonic is the only person to try to stick up for her. as bark and bean leave, bean also insinuates that fiona isnt really a freedom fighter, and that she's still basically one of them.

fiona is a "bad" trauma survivor. when i say "bad" i mean in opposition to the ideal tumblr trauma survivor - the sad poor uwu bean whose trauma only inclines them hurt themselves and they become more sympathetic kind etc. as a result. fiona, on the other hand, blames sonic (whose fault this is, frankly, not) for her experiences, and becomes more jaded and mean. she has no real support system and people repeatedly tell her that she hasnt changed and that she wont change and she cant change. shes already got all this baggage by the time her relationship with scourge starts carrying actual weight - he's offering her a way out. if none of them are ever going to really accept her being "good", then she might as well just give into her worst impulses and join hands with scourge, who, notably, has no stake in this - he doesnt have any obligation to be her friend like the freedom fighters, and more than that he likes her specifically because of the part of her that everybody else hates. the important part here is that he encouraged her to switch sides, he didnt make her switch sides.

id say fiona's character in a writing sense is an exploration of the failings of the freedom fighters to support a trauma victim, and how those failings, while unintentional, lead that victim to specifically turn against them. she says "ok actually screw all of you guys" and gives up on trying to be good because nobody ever gave her any real encouragement and decides to put herself on a path of self-destructive revenge and inflicting her misery onto the general population. we can also recall at this point that this motivation is entirely removed from scourge and you can literally break them up and still keep her evil.

the other important point here is that she purposefully chose that path of turning evil as opposed to leaving the freedom fighters or going somewhere else or like literally doing anything else. she literally could have just left but she did not and thats what makes her Interesting. prompted by her unhealed trauma and personal baggage she made those bad choices for herself, and frankly i cannot for the life of me understand why people think that walking back that character development (and yes i mean character development. character development can also mean getting worse) for ..... what. snarky but with a heart of gold generic protagonist girl? come on guys

#besides what happened to not having enough female villains smh #archie sonic #fiona fox #iratusmus.txt

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under-my-pillow · 19 days

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how do you feel with all the people calling soo won aromantic because of his scene with lily when he said he doesnt really understand romance or love but he likes people?

Hello, @spriderlili,

It is a very interesting question. Thank you for asking, but keep in mind my response might be biased as I am personally not a fan of labels, and the fandom gives him plenty of silly ones, so most of the time I am - Even if he is dying, you don't have to be in a hurry to pick out a label for his gravestone quite yet, thank you. - kind of mood.

But I'll elaborate on this particular one.

The word 'aromantic' has a very vague meaning - little or no romantic attraction to others

Does it mean unable to have/devoid of romantic feelings? Or is it referring to people who have never had romantic feelings in their entire lifetime?

For the former, no, he is not devoid of/unable to have emotions - a sociopath or psychopath (I know they call him that, but he is neither) He feels, pain, anger, sympathy, joy, longing, etc., etc., as we have seen in multiple instances, so it doesn't make sense to just be unable/devoid of only romantic feelings.

If it is the latter, we are a little too early to say anything, because despite being "king" and wise beyond his years we often forget that Soo-won is only eighteen years old. Even if we go with the average lifetime of a person being 60 years old, he hasn't even completed half.

Now, is it referring to how he was unaware of Yona's feelings or how he doesn't understand the emotions of love or romance? Or how he seems to not really have attachments to people?

I do not believe the answer to these is - 'aromantic'

To make it a little clear, let's take Yona.

Why was she able to understand romantic love and why is Soo-won unable to?

Why was she able to love and adamantly insist on marrying Soo-won without considering anything else?

1. Because she had the freedom to be a child.

2. She had the freedom to be immature.

3. She had emotional freedom and creative freedom which were not restricted by adult burdens.

4. She was taken care of by a loving parent and allowed healthy emotional development.

For Soo-won, it is the opposite.

The privilege to be a child, the privilege to be immature, the privilege to rely on others, love immaturely, quit immaturely - he lost all that to the dream of making Kouka strong and secure.

Sure, that was his choice, but it was not his choice to lose a major source of parental affection & guidance while the remaining semblance of one was just a wreck.

Children are naturally emotionally reliant on their parents/guardian. So, what happens when a reliable source of emotional stability is just knocked out from right beneath their feet? Where do they put their feet?

For Soo-won, I believe it was in the memories of his father. This is sometimes seen in the way we see him clinging to the memories of his father for guidance.

So,

1. Heavy responsibilities, even the adults did not bother to do.

2. A limited social circle, predominantly made up of adults.

3. A fudging time limit.

It's like asking an athlete with a hundred miles left to the finish line and a 20 minute time limit if he could solve your algebra homework on the way.

I am not saying Soo-won is emotionally underdeveloped either. He is very excellent at controlling his emotions as we have seen. I'd say he is emotionally exhausted.

Romance is not in his priorities.

Romantic attraction is something generally experienced in leisure, when there is freedom to express the heart, when there is that subconscious freedom to trust your heart with another person.

Soo-won is not like Yona. She constantly has Hak or the four dragons whom she can be vulnerable with.

Who do we see Soo-won constantly be vulnerable with?

He has not had emotional freedom.

In the age to run, play, make mistakes, he had already become sensible, self- reliant, set in his beliefs — he's already run half the course before he even turned eighteen while the greatest worry for girls around his age was probably Geun-Tae getting married.

That's a major bandwidth problem.

I think we can all agree that based on what we have seen so far, Soo-won is not a love at first sight person. If he is going to fall in love with someone it is going to be a gradual process.

So, the person at least needs to be someone who can understand his views and talk to him on equal ground. Someone whom he can be emotionally free with. Someone whom he can eventually be vulnerable with.

Lili is a great example (Yes, I won't miss an opportunity to ship my top couple, but also seriously...)

Prior to the story's start Lili was probably just a love sick teen pining after Geun-Tae, but by the time Soo-won's coronation is over she is aware of the water tribe's major issues.

She wants to help, tries, fails miserably, tries again, gets help, slowly matures enough to be able to command the respect of the tribe in her own name.

Among all of Soo-won's female acquaintances introduced in the story so far which you can count on one hand she is the closest to have come to understanding the reality underlying Soo-won's decisions.

So, my point is, maturity wise, girls around his age circle are just catching up.

When there is someone (preferably Lili) whom he is comfortable with expressing his thoughts and emotions to, someone who actually understands him (Not like Hak), he'll eventually come to understand what it means to hold romantic affection for another person.

He just needs time and the right person.

#akatsuki no yona #soo-won #yona of the dawn #soo won #su won #su-won #lili x soo won

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call-of-ishmael · 3 months

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Canto V and Ishmael's suicidal ideation

When the trailer for Canto V came out the narration over it and the tone gave me a lot of vibes of themes of suicidal ideation.

It wasnt present in the way id expect, but it was there and id like to talk about it

1. Her days prior to the Pequod

Ishmaels life before being a sailor isnt talked about much in her Canto, what we see though is pretty interesting

She expresses how she has come to hate the expectations, you work your ass off studying, getting degrees, applying to offices, to net you the job and life everyone says you should have.

A very interesting point to make is how she talks about it. The dread she feels as she expresses that thinking ahead thinking how this is gonna be her whole life, makes her feel empty.

"I didnt know if i wanted to die or if i just wanted my life to be different" [paraphrasing here] is a line we hear in this scene, however its followed up by her saying if she had to die somewhere itd be at the sea. She is unsure if what she wanted was to die, but her actions and thoughts point us that way, she frames it as where she wants her final resting place to be

2. The Pequod

Ishmael is from Ucorps Nest, The Great Lake should not be uncommon knowledge to the residents, a place full of monsters, where its known sailors who cant take it anymore jump into the waves to be free. And this is the place she wished to go to. She makes a desicion to join a ship that would take just about anyone to hunt whales.

In that gesture we see more of the previously mentioned thinking, she says shes not sure she wants to die but jumped into one of the most dangerous jobs around pretty quickly

In the Pequod she also experiences more trauma that leads her downwards even more, a controlling figure, molding everyone there into who they want them to be, a constant fear of death, endless fights against monsters, and eventually the loss of who she loved.

But its also a moment where we are shown, once she found some support, once she and Queequeg started working together towards a life goal she became determined to survive, she had a clear idea of where to go, a compass to follow. Before it was taken away.

3. Limbus Company, and Canto V

During the events of Limbus Company prior to Canto V we see Ishmael as a pretty driven person, she doesnt wanna die, at first, shes kept alive by a singular goal to find Ahab

By 4.5 and V we see this is, again, a self destructive endeavor

Her unique status effect "Compulsion" during the chapter is a way to communicate shes hurting herself constantly during this Canto, her usual ability to keep calm to not be consumed by her fears, worries, obsessions and compulsions falls apart

Ishmael at many points doesnt seem like she wants to come back alive, she willingly enters into the body of the whale only knowing she has something that can delay pallidification, not having a good plan to escape. She constantly tosses herself into danger, not caring how she gets hurt.

One of the more interesting tidbits is entering the dungeon. The first EGO gift she gains, exclusively applying effects to her, is a noose.

Its a culmination of the message, shes been hurting herself this whole time, she charges ahead, to kill that bastard, to kill Ahab. If she dies, its fine by her

And then the turning point is on the CG used for this section, another blatant gesture of letting her own life go, letting the membrane form around her, letting herself be consumed.

When shes broken out out the membrane it mirrors queequeg saving her in the past, the person who made her think of the future for once, to WANT to have a future.

Its the moment she realizes the sinners have been there for her, she has blinded herself to not think of any of the good moments, not even the ones she had with Queequeg.

She realizes shes not alone anymore

And she wants to live, somehow, she might not know how, but that hasnt stopped her before

Her compass is curiosity after all, she will find her path.

#cw sui mention #cw sui ideation #cw suicide #limbus company #ishmael lcb #ishmael limbus company #canto v spoilers

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phoenixstark1708 · 6 months

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the daughter of an archangel

chapter 1

sooo..... this is my backstory in my marvel DR, major trigger warnings, this also crosses over into supernatural later, but i havent even written that yet.

trigger warnings: abuse, torture, blood, death, fucked up timeline, etc.

pairings: later will be sam/dean winchester, and even later will be bucky,

in this, endgame/inf war doesnt happen, i took plenty of creative liberties.

summary: (this is written in first-person) phoenix is a girl who was created by the nazi organization HYDRA, and she meets the winter soldier on a mission, i cant say much more without spoiling future chapters. will try to proofread but no promises.

word count: 2,654/10,649 - that ive written so far.

change of POV's will be indicated

“Get up you stupid pig!” the guard said, in a thick Russian accent, banging the cell door with his truncheon. He shone a flashlight in my eyes, making them burn from the lack of light for the past two days. I stretched out my sore muscles, wincing from the scabbed-over cuts all over my body. After days of no contact with anyone, just me and the cold, dark cell. Somehow being dragged away for training almost feels like a blessing. I stood and allowed him to cuff me. at this point, I know the drill. “so, Angel, how was your weekend?” He asked while holding my shoulder, guiding me out of the cell – the only place I’ve known as home for my whole life – literally. I was born in the damned bullpen. My mother died during birth, I guess having twins really had her beat.

On the way to the hell chamber – sorry, training room - I saw him, I saw Benjamin. For the first time in weeks, I saw my twin. He looked rough. Probably just had a sparring sesh with one of the winter soldiers. he’s always been smaller than me, But there was something different. he seemed especially weak. I haven’t eaten anything in what I assume has been around 4 days. He probably hasn’t either. They were always doing this, trying to weed out the weaker members. Its grim, but I knew he would die soon. It was clear that I was stronger, and if it came down to it, I would kill him without a second thought. After all, that’s how I was trained. I was bred, raised, and trained to be ruthless. And that is the only reason that I am still alive. HYDRA has no room for error.

As I walked into the training room, I saw the winter soldier, long, brunette hair, with a metal arm. The only time ive ever seen him is in cryo-sleep, he looked so peaceful, so harmless. The man standing before me was soemthing different entirely. His eyes were blue as ice, and just as cold. He looked right through me, almost like a drone. “this is her first mission. You will be supervising her.” he hands the man with a metal arm a file containing four pictures of senator james martin, whos been a public neusence for hydra for a while. The winter soldier grabbed me by the arm and dragged me through the door.

It was a quiet drive on the Harley, at the moment, we were just n full assassin gear. My small arms were wrapped around his waist, making him clearly tense up. His metal arm was glinting in the moonlight as we pulled into a nearby parking garage, a birdseye view of the gathering senator martin. “I will stay up here while you go inside. As many casualties as possible. No survivors.” He said gruffly, setting up the rifle. “They won’t let me in. I’m wearing a costume.” I said, my voice gravelly from days of no use. He glanced down at me for the first time, and gazed at me for a moment, before pulling out a T-shirt that had the senators face on it, and a pair of grey sweatpants. “Change into these, keep your weapons concealed until my signal.” I quickly stripped. he turned away, giving me privacy. I was more then used to being watched, so this was surprising. I fixed the too-large clothes, and looked harmless. Instead of looking like an eight-year-old assassin, I looked like a normal kid.

There was something in the winter soldier’s eyes that I didn’t recognise, almost like affection. I walked down the stairs of the parking garage, feeling his eyes on me the whole way. Slowly, I crossed the street, nearly getting hit by a truck that I didn’t know to look for. As I made my way to the entrance of the granite building, I noticed trucks outside, like the kind I saw at my home, - armoured trucks. I, of course thought this was normal. “Careful, there are hostiles in the building. Captain America and the black widow are protecting the target.” His voice came through my earpiece. “I don’t know who they are” I whispered back. “You will. They won’t want to hurt you, use that to your advantage.” And with that, he went radio silent.

As I walked barefoot through the large doors, I spotted a woman in a similar outfit to what I wear, only without the red skull. She spotted me immediately, and I tried to disappear through the crowd. I was unsuccessful. A man in a red, white, and blue uniform grabbed my arm gently, holding a shield in his other hand. “Who are you kid?” He peered down at me “I’m here to see my daddy.” I said, feigning panic. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and ran toward a random man, tugging on his shirt. Shield guy turned away before he could see the man push me away. I stayed by him, trying to convince the people that he was my father. I got a little turned around, when a perverted looking man grabbed my wrist “hey sweetheart. You’re gonna come with me now.” He said, his voice just as weird as him. The man in the jumpsuit put his hand on his shoulder “why dontcha leave the girl alone pal.” He dragged him away.

Just then, his signal came, by shooting the senator in the gut, taking him down. The panic set in immediately. People running around screaming like headless chickens. The man with the metal arm burst through the door, sealing off the only accesable exit. I grabbed the first person I saw, they just happened to be the senators daughter. She couldn’t have been more then seventeen; I snapped her neck. I unfurled my wings and tripped some old man with them. I stabbed him in his corroded artery, a fatal blow. Killing got easier the more I did it.

The fight went on like this for a while, until the red-haired woman pushed me to the ground “stay down kid.” seeing me pinned down, the man i was on the mission with began to make his way over to me. I waved my hand, and the woman went flying, hitting the wall with a thud. Oh yea, something I forgot to mention; I'm not a normal person. In addition to having my DNA spliced with the peregrine falcon, giving me wings, and the ability to fly, I was also experimented on with energy from the soul stone, one of the six infinity stones. Ergo, I had ‘powers’. The winter soldier stared at me, shocked, his brief moment of distraction caused him to get a wooden chair to the head. He shot the dude that hit him.

The man in the flag costume, and the woman ran. Smart. Tactical retreat. I ran to every person I saw, and killed as many as I could. Once we were sure that there were no more targets, the winter soldier grabbed me, and threw me on the motorcycle behind him.

We stopped at a motel that charged by the hour… if that tells you anything. “we will stay here for a while. You need to get clean, I know that the hoses hurt.” he said, a hint of compassion in his voice. Hes right. They used fire hoses to ‘clean up’ whenever any of us got dirty. I walked into the bathroom and stripped. I didn’t close the door, because I assumed I wasn’t allowed to. I didn’t know how to use the shower so I just sort of stared at it, waiting for it to turn on. The man walked in, turned the handle of the shower, and left. I jumped when water started to spurt out of the faucet. I stepped into the water slowly, gauging the temperature before completely immersing myself into it. My muscles involuntarily relaxed at the sensation of the warm water. I began rubbing the dirt off of my limbs when the winter soldier walked in.

He didn’t look at me, but made a damp washcloth and started cleaning his wounds. They were worse then I assumed, and I coudnt help but observe him while washing the rest of the dirt off of my body. I only sustained minor cuts and bruises in the fight, but he had deep lacerations on his face, presumably from the chair. I stepped out of the shower and stood there, a towering three-foot-seven-inches, short for my age. He glanced at me and handed me a towel while dabbing his wounds “whats this for?” I asked “dry yourself. They will notice our absence if were not back soon.” so, I dried myself off, and put on my uniform, running my fingers over the red skull with tentacles, like a squid. I giggled, imaging it wiggling its tentacles.

Bucky

The little girl was looking at her uniform, giggling. For a moment I thought of two young girls in brooklyn. I was a teenager with sisters… what? No, I wasn’t. I am a weapon for hydra. Whats going on? I was steadily bleeding from the prick who hit me with a chair, we needed to get back to base. She suddenly looked up at me, concern evident in her sweet, blue eyes. “are- are you okay? You're bleeding,” she frowned. “Let me help you. I can make people feel better.” I skeptically sat on a bed near where she was standing. She slowly reached over to me; I shied away when her hand got close to my wound, remembering the various punishments I've had over the years. I am a wild animal. I need to be controlled. She looked into my eyes, the child-like glimmer long gone. It's unfair; all children should have that. No. She is not a child; she is a weapon. That’s it- like me. She gently laid her small hand on my head near the cut. All of the sudden her eyes started glowing, a certain gold color I'd never seen before. Her hands began glowing the same, and my head started tingling.

I immediately felt better. I can't explain it, but she somehow lodged herself into my memory, unintentionally. And I knew I would never forget her. She looked at me worried, noting the glazed look in my eyes. “are you alright? I'm sorry if I hurt yo-” I cut her off “My name is Bucky,” I blurted out; I had no idea where that came from. “You need to call me Winter, or ‘the winter soldier’, otherwise they’ll kill us both” she looked at me confused and alarmed “okay… I will” “we need to go back.” so I took her small hand, gently, and led her to the HYDRA-issued motorcycle we came here on. The drive back to base was cold. I could feel it in my bones. I couldn’t help but wish I could help her warm up. I didn’t know what I was feeling, but I knew HYDRA wouldn’t like it. I am a machine. Not a man.

I rode up to the gate “солдат?” soldier? “миссия успешна. приветствую гидру.” mission successful. hail hydra. The gate opened, and we rode into the garage. She was immediately ripped off the back of the bike and dragged away. “you are late. The camera in your suit shows you made a ‘pit stop’. She had an effect on you. You will both be heavily punished for this.” no. I practically jumped off the bike. I grabbed the mans neck and snapped it before being sedated. The last thing I heard before I got knocked out was “well, after we make them watch, we’ll have to wipe him again.” I woke up strapped to a modified autopsy table. Modified so I was reclined enough so that I had a clear view of the girl. And she had a clear view of me. One of the doctors walked in with an array of surgical instruments “doctor- sorry- creator! Thank goodness! I was scared we were taken by the bad people!” the little girls face lit up with relief. The doctor sighed and placed his kit on a surgical tray, the knives clattering against the cold steel. “child, птичий урод.” bird-freak “you have been very bad. And you know what happens to bad children.” he put on surgical gloves, and picked up a Sickle Probe, the device that dentists use. He walked toward her slowly “creator, im sorry! It was a mistake! Please. Im sorry” she cried out. however, she didn’t struggle against the restraints. “it is too late to apologise freak. You will be punished.” “yes sir.” she slumped against the autopsy table, keeping her fear-filled eyes on the doctor. He walked up to her small body, and turned off the magnetic cuff, allowing her arm to fall. The monster grabbed her arm, and stuck the hook of the sickle probe into the inside of her elbow. She began silently crying from the pain, blood slowly dribbling from the wound. He slowly dragged the hook down her arm, toward her wrist, tearing her skin. The blood was flowing heavily now, and he was trying to stifle her cries. After reaching her wrist, he put the probe down and picked up a rusty razorblade.

He moved to her chest, and drug the blade down her sternum, and to her lower stomache. She was crying freely now. “heal yourself.” she did as she was told, her eyes glowing gold, and the wounds shimmering as they healed instantly. He grabbed a klein tool – essentially a broader pliers. He walked to her bare feet, and clamped down on her small toe. He bent it to a sickening angle, causing the bone to snap with a disturbing CRACK. She screamed. He used the wire-clipping part of the klein tool to cut off a patch or skin on her foot. He grabbed a knife, and made slow, deep, and deliberate cuts all over her body. After nearly an hour, he decided hed had enough of that. he only reason she was still alive was because she wasn’t fully human – she couldn’t have been. “heal. Now. Not your foot though. You will deal with that.” she did as she was told. She was exhausted. She collapsed against the table before he shocked her with a set of jumper cables rigged up to a car battery. While watching this, I struggled against the restraints so much, my wrist began to bleed. Every time I screamed for them to let her go, my restraints would get an electrical charge. I was muzzled like a dog. Reminding me that I am no better then one. I am one. She screamed every time he cut her, shocked her, stabbed her, or tore the skin off her flesh. When she screamed, the building would shake. Not figuratively either.

She was clearly more powerful than she could see. She could easily kill him, she could kill everyone in this god forsaken building. HYDRA had control over her mind. But not in the same way as they had mine. They beat her down, made her feel powerless, made her think wrong is right, and right is wrong. I have to get her out of here. The doctor made his way over to me “judging by your reaction, she made an imprint on you. Well, time to forget her!” he said, laughing malevolently. “no! You cant-” I was cut off by a blow to my temple. They dragged me to the Memory Suppressing Machine. A white hot pain ripped through me. I couldn’t remember the mission, but I could remember a girl. A sweet, young girl. I knew I should protect her. As far as they're concerned, I don’t remember a thing. “Желание. Семнадцать. Ржавый. Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечный. Возвращение на родину. Один. Товарный вагон” my trigger words.

let me know if you wanna be tagged in pt2

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plomegranate · 2 months

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i am getting really tired of people putting so much focus on what celebrity supports what. these are human lives on the line and trying to pull up a single liked tweet or whatever as concrete evidence that your fav is good actually is so ridiculous and insensitive.

i am not talking about when people are like "dont support this persons work, they have harmful ideologies" or being happy that someone you admire is OUTWARDLY spoken (regularly advocating and participating) in support of whatever movement. im talking about you all being like "this pop star supports palestine guys she wore a pin once!!!" "this celebrity went to that one charity event so theyre good!!!1!1" "this youtuber retweeted something once!!" people are dying. why are you focusing on this. its so clear that you are more worried about whether or not you can still publicly like xyz celebrity without looking like "a bad person".

it can be disappointing that a celebrity you like with a lot of reach doesnt say anything and a little exciting when one you do makes a (vague and bare minimum) social media post, but stop putting so much attention on that. its not important!

this post is talking about palestine, but i see this happening in all sorts of human rights movements. stop wasting time defending some guy that doesnt know you exist and do something effective. spend your energy keeping up with news, researching the movement, and ways you can help

#its actually so embarrassing seeing these kinds of posts #''booktok authors that support palestine'' and its all ppl who have never advocated but rted a neutral post #and now the buttons at the oscars #come on guys. its not important and stop giving them attention they dont deserve for doing less than the bare minimum #palestine #plomegrantalk

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faela404 · 1 year

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☆ The Library ☆

kazuha x gn! reader

prompt: - you and kazuha attend the same university, him being a english lit major and you being a person in stem😎 your paths never crossed until that day in the library…

*this is an smau so please do expect a lot of twitter posts and messages to read, there will be proper writing too but, it will mostly be that!!*

warning! mentions of a fight, swearing

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☆ let the fight begin ☆

“you made it!” his cheery voice echoed across the small hall.

“of course we did, childe! we wouldn’t have missed this for the world, right y/n?” ganyu smiled at me, god her smile’s so pretty

i nodded towards her before quickly wishing childe good luck as he was dragged away by his coach. i’m honestly a bit afraid for him, i know childe is a good and very capable fighter but, it would still hurt so much to see him getting hurt in anyway.

guided by ganyu, hu tao and i found our seats as more people began piling in. the crowd soon consisted of friends and some family of the boxers, curious students from our university and even a few of the professors turned up.

the seats next to me sadly weren’t empty so i couldn’t stretch out like i wanted too. however, it quickly became clear to me who was sitting in those seats.

those tuffs of black and teal hair made it undeniably obvious; xiao. he was an IT major known for being extremely quiet and almost quite rude, though frankly being friends with scaramouche makes it hard to find anyone else rude. he was scrolling through his phone when we sat down, the seats next to him were empty though from the looks of it people were going to be sitting there. bags, coats and all kinds of winter wear were lined up neatly infront of each seat. now i like to keep warm sure, but i highly doubt all of those belonged to just xiao.

my thoughts were cut short when a loud voice began booming about all the different kinds of slushies they had. the twins had arrived, along with 3 other people i couldn’t quite make out. aether continued to enthuse about these wonderous slushies as the 5 new people began shuffling in next to xiao.

finally, i could begin to make out all of their faces.

aether and lumine were the first i saw, and they were the only ones not currently trying to get to their seats, i assume they’re sitting at the end of the row. lucky bastards. next was gorou, a humanities major with beautiful ginger and white hair, it’s clear he takes a lot of pride in the way his hair looks. finally, 2 final boys squeezed in, one next to gorou, who i quickly figured out was albedo, the nice biochemistry major who offer a lot of tutoring sessions in subjects he doesnt even take. he so smart it’s actually kind of crazy, almost unhuman like. then there was one next to xiao.

holy shit, that’s kazuha.

i really didn’t think he’d like something like boxing-

though in all fairness i’m only here for childe, so perhaps he’s the same.

or he loves watching people fight, who knows.

my attention was swiftly snapped from the pretty blonde when the first round was announced.

tartaglia vs. osial

round 1

…of 10

and then the winner fights someone else.

this is gonna be long.

finally, after 5 rounds (all won by childe), a break was given for the fighters. im pretty sure that doesn’t tend to happen in boxing but, because they’re both only uni students, it has to be given.

ganyu and hu tao, quickly excused themselves to the bathroom, though if i’m being honest i’m almost completely certain that hu tao’s only going because lumine went a few seconds ago.

i pulled out my phone and began mindlessly scrolling through twitter and instagram as the people around me began shuffling around. they probably need the bathroom or a drink.

however, i didnt notice how only the majority left.

it took his words for me to realise.

“and then there were two” he mumbled so lightly i hardly even heard him. i turned towards the sound of his voice only to find that indeed all of kazuha’s friends had left aside from him.

there was only kazuha and i left on this row.

“oh- hey, sorry i didn’t realise” i chuckled lightly

oh theres that melodic laugh of his again, “it’s alright” he shuffled into xiao’s seat next to me “are you here for childe too?”

“hm? oh yeah i am, are you? i didn’t realise childe are you were friends” i smiled lightly at him as i placed my phone back down, i don’t want to seem rude damn.

“ahh yeah, i’ve known him for quite a while now. though we don’t get to talk as much as usual”

i frown slightly “oh, why’s that?”

my eyes widen a fraction, oh shit. shit. shit! i can’t ask things like that! what if it’s private? or embarrassing for him? or for childe? god he’d kill me if i embarrassed one of his other friends or worse, childe himself-

before i could freak myself out even more, kazuha smiled and responded “we both just got quite busy, but i do enjoy these times when i can see him”

god he’s so sweet. his voice is just undeniably soothing, i swear every worry i had prior just floated away.

that calmness was quickly eradicated.

the screeching of the whistle ruined it.

the sixth round was beginning.

our friends quickly began appearing again, but kazuha didn’t make an effort to move. even when xiao returned, he just lightly smiled to him and turned back to the match.

xiao didn’t seem too bothered, well he never really does, as he swiftly sat down in kazuha’s seat.

the fight was long but, atleast i had someone to talk too. while, my friends were next to me they were way too engrossed in the match to want to talk even a little bit, but kazuha just randomly began whispering things about the match to me. things that were going wrong, excitement over childe landing a good punch, laughing at all the silly faces that each fighter made after getting punched.

he’s actually quite entertaining, quite funny.

maybe we could actually be decent friends.

atleast, then i wont have to be alone in the library right?

a/n - omggggg this took way too long for me to write lol, im quite literally the ruler of procrastination😎 but, here ya’ll have it! chapter 4!! i hope ya’ll enjoy it! i think i say this every time but i really do mean it, i appreciate all of ya’ll’s continued support of this series! and thank you all so much for getting me to 100 followers!!🫶🫶

(i literally threw up and had my cat pull the christmas tree in my room down onto my other cat while writing this-

they’re both fine dw but good god a lot happened while trying to write this PFFT-)

taglist - open! @kazuhaprnt @ryhie @scaraapologist @thissoulisnotok @kazuhalvrr @rifran @sleepyhamster1001 @mccnstruck @micahmxi @whipped-for-fictionals @sashiette @kozumieee @lazy-sanns

bold= blog couldn’t be found

#faela404~🍓🍰writes #genshin fluff #genshin imagines #genshin au #genshin impact #genshin smau #kazuha x reader #hu tao #kazuha #childe #ganyu #xiao #gorou #albedo #faela404 #hope you guys enjoy #🫶#smau #faela404~ 📕🍰the library

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iambicpentameterhamster · 1 month

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Welcome to my essay on why DAVID MILLER is the most PERFECT human being in Jacksons diary and the plot does him dirty (it's 9 PM and i slept 5 hours last night so 🤩)

Season 1.

#1. David is the first and, initially, ONLY person to show kindness to Jackson and accept him when he is new. Immediately, he treats Jackson like an old friend, making him feel welcome and comfortable without a second thought. Even Pamela and Brenda don't show the same kind of acceptance and outgoing inclusion that he does. Yes, he brushes of Exers actions towards Jackson at first, but in his defense he doesn't yet know about the magic AND he is doing the best he can keeping the balance between hinting at Exer to stop his aggression while slowly trying to merge Jackson in with them. He just wants Exer and Jackson to get along, and yes Exers hostile behaviour was a red flag BUT Exer is his oldest friend so obviously he have more tolerance for Exer and put his feelings first in the end. He persistently tries to include Jackson and be kind and friendly to him despite the influence of his friend, which is more than a lot of douchebag 17 year olds can say for themselves.

#2. David is quick to forgive, a favour which Jackson does NOT return (I'll mention this later) . When he is under the impression that Jackson was creeping on his sister, he had a strong and, admittedly, disproportionate reaction. However, as soon as things got cleared up, despite Exers misleading him or planting doubtful hints, David apologises for getting things wrong and leaves it all in the past.

#3. Protectiveness. In itself, loyalty and protectiveness for your friends and family is an admirable trait, one that David possesses in excess. It does lead him to jumping to conclusions too quickly and acting harshly in defense of his sister or Exer, the most extreme example being his hostile attitude to Pamela. But an entirely flawless character would feel superficial and annoying, and David's accountability and forgiveness and will to improve always makes up for this. And all of his less defensible actions do stem from a good place within. He also shows this trait in little ways, like defending girls being sexually harassed in the hallways or defends Exer when he is attacked by Jackson. He eventually takes against Jackson when he sees him beating the crap out of Exer in the hallway, which without the context of the magic and the abuse Exer had been carrying out over the season, this seems like a pretty damn reasonable thing to ice someone out about.

#4. David has others interests at heart and he gives people the benefit of the doubt. He sees the good in people. Exer manipulates David into believing that Jackson doesn't really like him and doesnt want to be around the REDs (using magic primarily). David isn't quick to believe Exers assertion that Jackson doesn't like them, he only believes it after many instances in a row. And even then, his reaction isn't with anger or disbelief- in fact, he wonders what he could be doing wrong, and resolves to give Jackson the space he needs while STILL maintaining his civility and politeness. It's almost as if he was stepping back but leaving the door open for Jackson to reach out if he wanted to, an incredibly mature reaction that shows empathy and emotional intelligence.

Season 2

This is where I start to get pretty annoyed.

I will acknowledge that David was stubborn to make up with Exer over his sister, but there are clear character motivations there and feelings of betrayal and being lied to that are clearly conflicting him, so their eventual make-up is even more satisfying and probably shouldn't have happened any other way.

What pisses me off is the fact that Jacksons Diary is trying to convince us that David is somehow equally responsible for what happened to Jackson throughout season 1?!?! David mentions several times how bad he feels about his "bullying" towards Jackson (which never took place, seeing as bullying is a repeated act of malice with no reasonable motivation) and everyone else just nods along as if David DID do something wrong.

Then he also confesses to bullying Jackson and reaps the consequences of it? The only people responsible were Exer and Ron (lets admit it, Ron was needlessly rude and hostile to Jackson from the beginning), so it makes no sense to me why it is portrayed as if David, Pamela and Brenda all had a hand in it. It also makes me dislike Jackson more as a character that he seems to hold David to it even after David's apology, seeing as David knew nothing of the magic or the bullying and only reacted to what he saw, which Jackson KNOWS. ESPECIALLY after David showed him nothing but forgiveness and friendliness throughout season one.

David is essentially another victim of Exers magical manipulation and miscommunication in the first season, which I think should be acknowledged instead of just pinning the blame on everyone who ever took Exers side when he literally MANIPULATED them! I think a friendship between David and Jackson should exist again once Jackson stops being emo and feeling sorry for himself, and Jackson needs to return some of that tolerance and forgiveness that David showed him earlier on. At some point Jackson just viewed Exer and everyone associated with him as a collective evil, and now he had somewhat forgiven Exer and Ron and fully forgiven Brenda and Pamela. So tell me why David has been lumped in with Exer in the kind-of-forgiven club as if what he did was NEARLY as bad? He, much like Brenda, was more of a pawn in Exer's game. I just feel like the character has been so wronged by pretty much everyone around him and deserves to be cut a little slack because he really didn't do that much wrong and is basically held accountable for Exer's actions throughout season 2 (You could say he's taking one for the team, or going through it with Exer because he's a loyal friend, and that just makes him even better and proves my point further)

On top of being held accountable for SHIT HE DIDNT DO, he also got kicked out by his dad and is just having a really rough time. I think David was a huge part of Exer's redemption arc and he is a good influence, optimist with boundless love and kindness and a character who does not deserve all this shit.

Basically I love David hate Jackson and Ron end of rant bye love you 😘

#jacksons diary #david miller #exer campbell #jackson smith #webtoon #brenda miller

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natsmagi · 1 year

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tbh maybe this is a hot take but i really dont get why people insist on having one person in natsumugi be this Super Toxic one and the other a victim. the easiest conclusion to draw is natsume being the bad guy and tsumugi the victim due to natsume getting physical and berating him at times but far too commonly do i see people insist that its the other way around and that tsumugi is actually the super toxic one and natsume just lets tsumugi emotionally manipulate him and thats ?? so weird to me ??? both of these are so weird to me ???

i can ofc see where theyre coming from. both natsume and tsumugi have plenty of issues going on in their heads. i feel like natsumes situation is more commonly understood as him simply just being difficult though and not being the best at managing his emotions, and with tsumugi i get it because he doesnt really have much of a moral compass. he doesnt quite understand peoples feelings and it results in him doing pretty fucked up things at times, but to then frame him as someone who would be abusive?? that doesnt sit right with me

tsumugi may not understand peoples emotions and be apathetic to the struggles people are going through, but its clear to anyone that that man has good intentions at the end of the day. at WORST he may get overbearingly controlling, but its never in a "you cant do x y z" way, its in a "i signed us up for this job opportunity because i thought it sounded nice and didnt speak it through with you beforehand and now we have to do it" way. had this been 2nd year tsumugi maybe he wouldve been far more desperate and even manipulative to an extent because he was in such a dark place, but current day tsumugi is actively trying to understand people better. hes trying to learn how to feel. in wonder game he even outright said that natsume taught him pain and everything else. his growth is clear

i cannot see tsumugi taking advantage of natsume in a genuinely destructive way with modern day ntmg. again, maybe during the earlier !-era stuff he could be more destructive, but natsume also does a relatively good job keeping tsumugi in his place during that time too, with him getting physical and all. its only in !!-era where tsumugi doesnt really mind it and can even make playful jokes about it because theyve Had this development in their relationship. theyve moved Past many of their toxic attributes, and theyve finally grown to understand one another. this is also when tsumugi can have a more "dominating" role in their relationship, since natsume has come to trust him to this extent, but tsumugi wouldnt take advantage of that. again; theyve now grown very close and understanding of one another. theyll have banters such as tsumugi wanting natsume to do something like idk. wear a dress. to which natsume will reply with kys but again. in !!-era this is banter and tsumugi wouldnt actually force natsume to do something he doesnt want to. theyre just very comfortable with each other now

i also really hate the position natsume gets put in with all of this. so often he is already hyperfeminized by the fandom for no reason whatsoever (which is especially fucked up considering how much he canonically hates being seen as a girl), and by making tsumugi this manipulative and abusive partner youre stripping natsume of even more autonomy and framing him as powerless. naively in love with a man thats hurting him. and that doesnt sit right with me either!! natsume does have a big heart and he has endured more than he probably should, but to think natsume would just take it ??? natsume has BACKBONE. if tsumugi upsets him he will either 1. get really mad at him or 2. start ignoring tsumugi alltogether. hes not just gonna put up with it. and tsumugi will notice this change in demeanor. ask if hes done something wrong. he may not understand what it was he did but he never intends on hurting natsume and would genuinely want to resolve it. tsumugi isnt stubborn in this regard, if he fucks up he wants to fix it. and natsume isnt a damsel in distress, why do you want him to be a helpless maiden so bad ??

theres alot of nuance to all of this and im obviously not gonna tackle every single element of their relationship and this is just an overview but TL;DR ntmg are both awful and have many faults and their relationship has gotten incredibly unhealthy at times but the point is theyre growing PAST that. maybe sometimes these toxic traits of theirs will resurface, but that does not make one the abuser and the other the victim. theyre just two fucked up people in love, standing as equals and learning to understand one another. stop framing one as evil

#i hope this is coherent again sorry if i like. forgot something crucial. this is a heat of the moment ramble #i also feel like in general this fandom is obsessed with making things edgier than they actually are #but i guess thats what we get for hyping enstars up as this Super Fucked Up Idol Media #when its like. no guys the characters are just complex and act like human beings would #both natsume and ESPECIALLY tsumugi have suffered alot #so to make one of them #ESPECIALLY tsumugi #out to be an abuser when if you read the text you can see him actively try to better himself #is quite insulting to me. idk #again this isnt me saying neither natsume or tsumugi cant do incredibly fucked up things #but goddamn this fandom is addicted to reducing charas to singular traits #nat rambles #MAYBE ILL DELETE THIS LATER I GOT A LIL HEATED BUT #BROAD HAND GESTURES #nats enst posting

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