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eternally-writing · 3 years

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tour troubles | jjk

genre: fluff, angst

rating: G (no swearing or sexual content)

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: idol!au, boyfriend!au, one-shot

word count: 1.8k

warnings: none

Synopsis: When surprising your boyfriend Jungkook on tour doesn’t quite go as you planned, it’s up to you now to help cheer him up.

banner by me!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

After a grueling 6 months apart, you were more than happy to be in MetLife Stadium watching your boyfriend live out his dreams on stage. The Map of the Soul Tour was no joke; Jungkook was practicing all day and performing all night, and combined with your final exam season passing by it left little time for you to talk to each other.

Finally wrapping up the school year, you got in touch with Jimin to see if he could help you plan a surprise visit for Jungkook on one of their final tour stops.

All of the members had become like family to you, but it's no secret that aside from Jungkook you are closest with Jimin. He was like the older brother you never had, and you always ran to him whenever you needed relationship advice or a good hug.

As you watched Jungkook on stage you noticed his smile falter sometimes as he would be slightly out of position or dance off beat. You could only pick this out because you had spent hours in the practice room dancing with Jungkook.

You and Jungkook had come together because of your shared love for dance. He had first asked you out inside a very sweaty-scented Big Hit practice room, almost half of your dates ended with some form of dancing, and whenever one of you was frustrated you could always find the other teary-eyed, lying on the marley floor of a dance studio. You had always been there to whisper words of encouragement in his ear when he was feeling down, and you wished nothing more than for her voice to reach the stage at the moment.

Soon enough, the concert came to an end and you were flashing her pass to the backstage security guard to get to see the boys. Despite your uneasy feeling watching the concert, you couldn't ease the butterflies in your stomach at seeing your boyfriend for the first time in months.

Ever since you had planned this, you spent your nights imagining exactly how Jungkook would react: whether he would hug and kiss you first, stay frozen on the spot in shock, or start crying right away.

As you stepped into the Big Hit dressing room, you were instantly greeted with several smiling faces.

I didn't take you long to do a head count and realize that there were only 6 boys standing in front of you, and that your boyfriend was nowhere to be found.

Making eye contact with Jimin, you saw the softness in his eyes as he motioned for you to come closer so he could explain.

“He’s not feeling well Y/N, and none of us can get him to talk about it. We’re so worried. I swear I’ve only gotten like 2 words out of him tonight, and I even tried to make a nutella sandwich for him to cheer him up. I’m sorry this isn’t what you had planned, but can you talk to him please? For us?”

You took a deep breath before pulling back the curtain divider in the dressing room. Your nerves catching up to you, you considered just turning around and telling the boys you would surprise him at their next concert instead.

You had dealt with Jungkook being troubled and frustrated more times than you could count, but you were worried you had lost her touch after being apart from him for months.

Your mind also flew the other way. How many times has he felt like this after a concert and never told you? When he said "It was fun I'm just really tired now" after every concert was he truly feeling like this?

With that, you pushed forward because you knew that you had to be there to support Jungkook today, even if you couldn't be there for all the other times.

The sight that greeted you behind the curtain was not a pretty one.

Jungkook was staring blankly at the monitor in front of him, dark fringes of his hair matted against his sweaty forehead, tour hoodie zipped up completely with the hood on, and worst of all, his eyes were clearly puffy and swollen, with tinges of red coming through from underneath his makeup.

Jungkook barely even glanced your way as you sat down an ample distance away from Jungkook on the couch. It was clear from his lack of surprise at your appearance that one of the boys (probably Jimin) had probably told him about your surprise visit earlier in an effort to cheer him up after the concert, but even that could not get him out of this slump.

Of all the scenarios you came up with for how Jungkook would react to your surprise, somehow this one never crossed your mind.

You turned your focus to where Jungkook was staring - a TV monitor replaying video footage from tonight's concert. You watched as his eyebrows stayed furrowed as he glared disapprovingly at himself for making even the smallest of mistakes in the video, almost wincing as the TV monitor continued to play the footage.

"Do you want me to help point out things in the video?"

Jungkook didn’t even move a muscle.

You took the silence as a yes, and pulled a pen and the closest thing you could find to paper, a napkin, out of your purse to write on.

Working as a dance teacher had taught you more than a couple tricks about how to give constructive feedback, and you were a firm believer in the "give 2 compliments and then 1 thing to work on" approach. However, you knew the issue with Jungkook wasn't that he was truly bad at dancing, but rather that he was way too hard on himself for the smallest details that the audience wouldn't even notice - so she threw in a few more compliments than usual. Unsure of how Jungkook would react to seeing the list, you still threw some of those very nit-picky details on there, knowing that if he was still frustrated he would throw the list out all together if he thought you were just coddling him.

And so you both sat together in front of that grainy TV monitor, in complete silence aside from the sound of your pen scratching against the napkin.

June 10, 2020 MOTS:7 Tour Feedback Report for Jeon Jungkook ( by Y/N)

- match angle of arm placement in Black Swan Opening Choreo

- footwork on DNA ending choreo could be cleaned up

- the ARMY at the corner of the screen during Euphoria had the biggest smile when you looked at her. I think she’s gonna remember that moment for the rest of her life.

- I like the way you wink at the camera during So What! Gave me butterflies babe.

- could add more energy into the last Fake love chorus ( hot bod btw!!)

And the list kept going on and on as you diligently focused on the screen and writing notes, taking occasional glances at your silent boyfriend.

Upon glancing over your shoulder and seeing your list, Jungkook smiled at your thoughtful and sweet comments.

All of sudden, a wave of consciousness and realization washed over him.

He finally has the girl he loves in front of him again after months apart, and instead of cherishing his limited time with you he was spending it watching himself dance, which is what he had already spent the last 9 years of his life doing. Most of all, you never let your smile falter once in front of him, even though he knew you may be upset with his response to your surprise, and you went along with whatever he wanted to do - even if that meant watching a very very low-quality video of his performances on a loop.

Grabbing the napkin gently out of her hands and placing it on the table, Jungkook cupped your face and looked gently into your eyes.

"Thank you", he said softly, as if not wanting to startle you with his sudden character change.

In your head there was absolutely no need for Jungkook to be thanking her for anything she was doing. She knew dating an idol would have its challenges, and she made a promise to Jungkook that she would be by his side through it all, even if that included rewatching Euphoria on loop.

It was now your turn to sigh.

“There’s nothing to thank me for babe, it’s just me. I wanna be here for you when you’re like this - I didn’t just date you so I could be there to celebrate your Billboard #1s and daesang sweeps, I’m here for these moments too.”

Jungkook further eliminated the space between you both by wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. In that moment he realized that maybe all he needed was you. That all these hurdles he had been facing alone would have been much easier if he had just let you in on his problems.

“I just feel bad Y/N, I haven’t even seen you for months and the first time I see you I’m like this? I’m sorry.”

The gears started turning in your head. Batting your eyes overdramatically at your boyfriend, you smiled.

“Okay how about we make a deal then babe?”

Jungkook looked at you curiously and let you carry on.

“From now on, every time you feel like this you come to me okay? We can figure this out together, but I can’t help you if you don’t let me in,” you expressed, grabbing his hands in yours.

“Also, if you felt like making it up to me you could buy me some ice cream? It’s not the same when I eat it without you,” you joked.

Jungkook’s melodic laugh vibrated through the room.

“Just ice cream? You’re selling yourself short babe. I’d buy the whole world for you, my love.”

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

As you emerged from behind the curtained section of the dressing room, hand in hand with a smiley Jungkook ( a stark comparison from how he was a mere hour early), you were greeted with Jimin jumping up and cheering loudly upon seeing the maknae.

Unable to contain his excitement, Jimin ran towards the two of you, chiming “you did it Y/N!! You brought back our maknae!”

“Good to see you smiling, Jungkookie,” beamed Jimin as he stepped forward to ruffle Jungkook’s hair.

Jungkook chuckled and looked up at his hyungs.

“I think I owe you all some ice cream. Ready to go? It’ll be treat.”

If his hyungs weren’t already excited to see Jungkook feeling like himself, now they were ecstatic. And you definitely felt the same way as well. ♡

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

If you liked this, please interact/follow! Thank you for reading ♡

- Emily

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pinkkinoko · 3 years

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I'm here, once again, to talk about strangers from hell and how much I fucking love the show as well as the moonjo/jongwoo dynamic, also some of the recent posts on both ldw and isw's insta just give me all the ideas.

Anyway, thats not the point, the point is that spooky season is coming so I think im going to rewatch it soon, maybe I'll make posts as I watch it again, so watch out for that.

Also, I talk to my friend about this all the damn time, but how despite never getting into killing stalking, I am absolutely obsessed with strangers from hell and the moonjo/jongwoo ship. I read a bit of killing stalking but it never grew on me, and I feel like its because bum's character just really didn't satisfy me, he always seemed so timid and it annoyed me to no end. The parallel is that when I see jongwoo develop (or perhaps devolve is more accurate) throughout the show, his psychological split and how he gives in to his instincts and rage, is so much more satisfying, he comes across as more self assured. This is, of course, coming from someone who never finished KS, so don't hate me for this take.

Also, moonjo is, unlike sangwoo, more mature and silently creepy, which is a personal preference and not as big of a qualm because I never had too much against sangwoo to begin with. I suppose I just feel that despite jongwoo's silent and somewhat paralyzing fear of moonjo in the beginning, their later relationship would have jongwoo much more independent and proactive in the whole killing/murdering dynamic. I feel like jongwoo, although accepting of how scary moonjo can be, would be much more playful/bratty, he would definitely give moonjo shit just based off him holding his own while they fought each other like some sort of twisted, hot foreplay in that last episode.

Anyway feel free to come into my inbox about this! Other than one other friend I haven't managed to find anyone else who is into this ship/show as much as I am.

#strangers from hell #killing stalking #seo moon jo #yoon jong woo #moonjo/jongwoo #yoonbum #sangwoo #dynamics comparison #PK rambles

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happyreid187 · 3 years

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Privilege - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

WC: 2.1 K

A/N: Sad Spencer post nightmare comfort. Discovering and sharing feelings about each other. Mild angst then fluff. I wrote this after my season 8 rewatch but it’s not explicitly situated in any particular season.

Warnings: Brief mentions of Spence’s various trauma; case issues, mom issues, drug use, generalized dark and twistiness. Insecurity. Swearing. Single sentence implying reader grew up religious. References to sex but not actual smut.

____

With both of us working insane hours, we agreed early on to be casual, and then completely and entirely ignored that agreement in every way except verbiage. Avoiding labels and verbal expressions of affection, I pretended that it wasn’t emotional self destruction to spend every waking hour with this man who was notably not my boyfriend. With the amount of affection between us, it was easy to pretend it was something more. When we weren’t working, I essentially lived in his bed.

____

I was deep asleep when I heard him whimpering, waking to find him tossing and turning, breathing quickly. It took me a second to get my bearings, but when I did, I woke him as gently as I could

“Spencer! Spence.” His eyes shot open, and he immediately jumped, looked to me with his eyes welling up, and started shaking.

“Hey,” my voice was desperate as I wrapped my arms around him, “Baby, what’s the matter?” The pet name was generally reserved for other activities in this bed, but it felt appropriate now. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to calm him. “Was it about a case?”

“It was about...” he started. “No, I don’t want to freak you out!” He sort of tossed and turned again, now in my lap. “This isn’t your job, you shouldn’t have to deal with this.” He sounded angry; with himself, and the situation. I tried to ignore the feeling that’s he might be angry with me.

“Why would it freak me out? Your job is depressing as shit, Spence. This is kind of predictable. Talking through it with you? None of this is work for me. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but you can.” I said, waiting for him to decide how to proceed.

He fiddled with his hands in that nervous way of his. “It was about you. First, you were breaking? Like glass on a windshield? Cracking but not falling apart. And everything around us was breaking; the phones and then the walls and then your face,” his voice broke then, “and then my own chest.”

Where the tears were only threatening to overflow before, he was really crying now, in a way I’d never seen him do before. In a way grown men rarely do in our terrible society if they can avoid it. In a way that made it hard for either of us to breathe. “But then it sort of mixed with work, and there was an unsub and he had you, and I couldn’t get to you. I tried, but I couldn’t get to you, and then...” he paused there, and I inferred the rest by his pained silence.

“You don’t have to keep going, I get it. And I’m not freaked out. I’m right here, Spencer. You’ve got me, and I’ve got you too. You are okay. You’re okay.” he didn’t say anything for a minute, and I rethought my words. “I’m not trying to belittle or silence you. I know you don’t feel okay. But you’re here with me, and no one’s broken, and you’re breathing, and I’m breathing, and you’re okay.”

“I’m not worried about me...” he grumbled, like it was obvious. Like I was wasting our time, worrying about him.

“Well I’m fine. I’m good. I’m happy to be here for you.”

He looked up at me doubtfully. “How can you be happy to be woken up at 4:02 am?”

Too sleepy to veil my feelings entirely, with words like adoration and devotion drifting through my head, I settled on saying, “It’s a privilege to have the chance to be here for you, and support you, and help you feel better. I have you, and you have me; okay? I’m here.”

“I’ve got you...” he softly echoed my words from earlier.

“You’ve got me.” I answered easily. It was a simple, honest fact to share.

There was a shift in him then. He pushed himself up with one arm, leaning back and staring at me, looking exasperated and vaguely frantic, like he just realized something was wrong. He looked almost angry as he asked “What the fuck are we doing?

I didn’t even know how to begin to answer that question. “I’m sorry?”

“I’m having nightmares about losing you, you’re like, taking over my subconscious, and renting all this space in my head, and then I wake up to find you here, in my bed, drying my tears and calling it a privilege! Like do you have to be so... I don’t know. Warm?” Well, that was a new one. I had never known that to be a bad thing, particularly with him. He flocked to my sentimentality like a moth to a flame.

He wasn’t done though. “I never intended to care about someone this much. It’s confusing for me. I know you have your catholic guilt, but you don’t have to martyr yourself for me. Dealing with my shit is emphatically not a blessing.” He took a deep breath and braced himself. He half smiled, half sobbed, and to be frank, he was freaking me the fuck out. “Unless you..” he trailed off. IQ of 187; an epic communicator, this one. I gave him a look that begged him to continue, holding my tongue as if he would break, like the dream, if I spoke. He sighed heavily, trying to catch his breath. I reached over hesitantly, unsure if he wanted to be touched, terrified of making it worse. Slowly, I wiped away the tears on both cheeks, willing him to look at me. He didn’t, choosing his lap instead.

I waited for him to continue. “I don’t have a lot of experience with fuck buddies,” he spit the last two words like they repulsed him, like they didn’t fit right on his tongue. Foreign words with uncertain and unsettling definitions. “...but I don’t think it’s supposed to feel like this.”

“Feel like what?” Despite the tears and the heavy air that threatened to suffocate me, I felt a new feeling. Like I would maybe feel better soon. I silently begged him to speak faster, hoping he could somehow telepathically pick up on my anxiety as I hung on every word.

“A privilege. That’s just...” he paused again, shaking his head. I could feel my anxiety coursing through my veins in a bizarrely literal sense. I wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with this, and I waited in suspense as he chose every word carefully. He then looked with me with the warmth I’d come to know, to expect, and to crave. “I know you’re a really tender person but why would you do this if we're just sleeping together?”

IQ of 187, this one.

After his lengthy monologue with its intensely painful pauses I cut straight to the point. “Are we?”

The sadness vanished from his face, leaving nothing in its place but wheels turning. No more damned pauses; I have to be brave now. “I’m not.”

“What?” I couldn’t figure out what to make of his expression. It wasn’t relief. Concern, maybe? Or disbelief? “Just sleeping with you that is. Does that make you upset?”

“No, no, y/n/n, it doesn’t make me upset.” his eyes meeting my face. I could feel that he was about to ramble, finally, and I was intensely grateful. “It depends on what you really want. It’s hard for me to believe that you actually want this.” he points at himself, like that explained his insecure thinking. Honestly, how dare he speak about my person in such a way, but now wasn’t the time to critique his criticism.

“You want to be woken up by nightmares after cases? To sleep alone while I’m gone? and when I’m around deal with my neurosis and awkwardness and rambling? and family drama? and drug cravings?” He dropped his eyes and his voice, “You could do so much better.”

We didn’t have time to even begin to unpack all of that. Not in the middle of the night, on the edge of everything we both want. I could write a novel explaining how he is in fact the very best I can imagine, but that would take time to convince him of. Time like years. Time like marriage.

Again trying to move this conversation to the conclusion I ached for just a bit faster, I answered directly, “Yes. I want that. I want you.” Like it was the simplest thing in the world.

I searched his face for some sort of happiness or disgust but received a blank stare and a look of bewilderment.

“I just want you. I’ve wanted you this whole time. I thought you would figure it out.” I laughed, and he smiled, a real smile that touched his hazel eyes that somehow sparkled in the dimly lit room, finally. “With fuck buddies, I don’t typically snuggle and go on museum dates or stop seeing other people or stick around for months.”

“You want me?” he smiled, but doubt loomed, and his smile fell as his long fingers traced my jaw.

“You say that now, but I think you’re going to find that I am a difficult person to love.” He said, as if I didn’t already know him. As if I didn’t already see him in all of his brilliance and darkness, all of his complexity and baggage. As if knowing him hadn’t been a precursor to loving him.

“Spencer, everyone thinks that about themselves.” I replied, greeted with still more disbelief. I continued in spite of him. “Besides,” I shrugged with a small smile, like my conclusion was entirely self evident, “It’s too late now.”

“What, you think that about yourself? First of all, you are unbelievably easy to love. The easiest in the whole world, probably. I know that that sounds hyperbolic, but I really mean it - I sincerely think that you are the single most lovable woman on the planet.” he rambled, talking with his hands and earning a tearful chuckle from me. “In my world at least. You are in fact, despite my best efforts, impossible not to...” he paused to physically shove the thought away, moving forward with a grimace.

“Second of all, what do you mean too late? I have a feeling I might know what you’re going to say. Please say it, y/n,” he whispered like that would make it less scary. “Or do you want me to say it? I don’t want to spook you but... it’s too late for what?”

“Too late to stop myself from loving you.”

Finally, finally a look of understanding graced his face. A look like he believed me. He smiled that stunning, whole face smile of his that was reserved for special occasions.

“Can you say the whole thing?”

“I love you, Spencer.”

“I love you, too.”

He was only half sitting up anyways, so when I kissed him he fell to the bed, and protested immediately. “No! I’m so gross and snotty, stop.” I settled on peppering kisses on his neck and damp cheeks instead.

I laid my head on his chest, murmuring, “You can go back to sleep, and when you wake up, I’ll still be loving you, and I won’t be broken because of it, and I certainly won’t be gone.”

“Okay,” he responded, voice still broken, but no matter. He’ll heal. He’ll believe me more with time. Eyes heavy and stinging, my adrenaline eventually waned, and I was about to fall back asleep, when his voice pulled me back.

“Just to be completely clear, this is no longer a fuck buddy situation. Like, I'm your boyfriend. Right?”

“Was it ever really a fuck buddy situation?” I laughed “But if it was, it’s over. You are mine, Spencer Reid. If that wasn’t obvious.”

I could hear his smile in his voice “Sorry, it’s so late, and my brain isn’t really working and I just wanted to make absolutely sure.”

He paused for a few minutes.

“I’ll check back again in the morning.”

“I’ll still be here.”

~~~

In my half asleep state, his soft words barely registered. “Good morning, sweet girl. I’m so lucky to get to love you.”

“I love you too.” I mumbled, smiling without opening my eyes. There’s his confirmation. He’s always been one for collecting good data, I suppose.

“Please keep doing that.”

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lover-of-trash-and-people · 3 years

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shadow and bone rewatch s1e6 while drinking mid-range scotch

I wish I have a face that is as unlined and pretty as Ben Barnes' when I'm 39

Arken you dirty dirty liar

the face Alek is making at his lies that he knows are lies firstly because he knows the art of lying so well and also because he can read people very well

okay Ivan is kind of a bad bitch with his smirk at Arken's lies

alek's eyes narrowing and his little smile when Arken says 'im an entertainer' bitch I love this show

*grabs hand, pulls up sleeve, and discovers Arken's hand is full of marks indicating successful passages through the fold* 'well, that is certainly entertaining' I love this man with all my heart

him screaming is so fucking hot, is that weird for me to say

Nina being the Darkling's spy is quite interesting

Ben giving the Darkling crazy eyes when Arken owns up to his guilt is so cool

also wtf is Arken a fool trying to negotiate with possibly the strongest man in the world

kind of loved the darkness literally eating him

also love Alina learning to use her powers better when she is alone than when she is with anyone else, wish we got to see the cut in this season as per the books, ah can't have everything I guess

the camera pan to Jesper's gun at his side, amazing

god Jessie is literally so beautiful I need to see her bring Alina to the peak of her power so bad

netflix you better renew this series to let the plot run to its completion

HOW THE FUCK DID THEY CAST THE CROWS SO PERFECTLY

INEJ FUCKING TREMBLING JUST THE TINIEST BIT AS SHE BOWS SLIGHTLY TO ALINA SGSHSBSJJSJSSJ MY TWO QUEENS

'And where is my Summoner?' my little Darklina heart ouchie I really wish you hadn't used and manipulated her like this Alek it was incredibly fucked up especially considering you actually caught feelings

'Ivan and I won't fail you' oh Fedyor my baby, my angel, you don't deserve what is coming

Helnik literally recreating Titanic lmao stop this is a joke

I too would jump off the raft if I came to consciousness to see a gorgeous woman with magical powers with her hand on my back

omg but why is ryevost so pretty though

'I know exactly how she felt. The King's soldiers treated me the same way... I'm not myself today.' why must you do this to me, why must you fuel my darklina soulmates agenda idiocy

I don't quite think I have a problem with the Zoya Darkling relationship as much as I have a problem with the line they chose to reveal it to use with.

my drink's over and I don't know if I should have another, considering that it's 7 am

the tenderness with which he looks at Zoya and takes her hand and then when he says 'I shall relax when I have Alina' makes me believe more that the man that is reduced to tears time and again in front of Alina could in fact be the master manipulator I know him to be

god I can't wait for Zoya's character arc

'I speak six languages, it's part of my job' why is Nina literally the fucking coolest

Alina blinding the oprichniki was so hot, I can't wait to see more of her power and her ruthlessness

I know I've said it before but good god is Jessie Mei Li gorgeous

HER LITTLE SMILE AMONGST ALL THE PANIC AS SOON AS SHE SEES MAL, THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY

THE SCORE COMING IN AT THE RIGHT MOMENT, THEIR HANDS MEETING, HER SMILE AGAIN DHDHSBSNSNSNSNAN IM IN PAIN

REALLY?! YOU'RE GONNA GO DIRECTLY FROM MALINA TO HELNIK WITH NO CONCERN FOR MY HEART?

I simply cannot get over Calahan's accent lmao it's really funny

'im not afraid of you' he says to the insanely gorgeous girl with magic

HIM HANGING HIS HEAD IN DEFEAT TO INDICATE NINA HAS MADE VALID POINTS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CAN'T BREATHE

'You're just a man. Like all the others.' she says and then forgets her train of thought looking at him as he strips. god I love this

not sleeping all night and then scotch is not a good idea, I think

'I promise not to ravish you' 'I hate the way you talk' her hand on his chest, his hand gripping hers, my fucking heart feels like it's about to explode

good god these shooting locations and sets are so beautiful

Alina throwing the flask at Mal and Mal going 'OI!' I fucking can't, I guess I am a

simp for childhood friends to lovers, give me more of that banter and childhood friend energy, I am thriving

wow it literally seems like they took book! Mal sl*tshaming book! Alina and made show! Alina sl*tshame show! Mal, hmm, interesting

'They would have split us up!' MAL'S LITTLE SMILE AT THIS, and the 'You wrote me letters?' Mal's nod, the Malina yearning stare, the Malina hug, 'thank you for finding me' 'always. I'll always find you.' NO MALINA YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE MADE ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL

I understand they had to split time between my ravkan babies and the crows and that is why there were several aspects that were sort of not reflected on enough but Alina's training at the Little Palace, Alina's cut, Mal's personality, a teensy bit of backstory for the crows, maybe one lockpicking scene from my boy Kaz

random note: we have far too many idols and paintings and pictures and whatnot of Hindu deities in our house apart from the specially designed temple (we are Hindus, so maybe it's not that weird but it's a little weird)

Kaz's cane is a literal star, it's so beautiful my heart wants to explode

'Why would Heleen get the Crow Club?' *literally fucking gets up and walks aways instead of answering the fucking question* I LITERALLY CAN'T BREATHE I'M LOSING MY MIND

'I know that voice' WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME FIGHT FOR PLATONIC SHIPS IN FANDOMS

'We won't starve' omg get you someone who packs food for you when you go on the run together hiding from your ex who wants to capture you and use your powers as a weapon against your consent

Mal looking surprised at her summoning sunlight, Alina looking cautiously at him waiting for him to disapprove or run for the hills in fear or smth like that, 'I'm sorry it took me this long to see you... But I see you now' my dumb little shipper trash heart ouch

they really said we're gonna feed you this part asian couple as the protagonists in this show in 2021 and guess what I'm eating it's really tasty I'm very satisfied as a south asian

NINA'S LITTLE SMILE WHEN MATTHIAS WAKES UP WITH HIS ARM AROUND HER

'I can feel how much you hate sleeping next to me' 👀👀👀 BITCH SAID IMMA SPILL THE TEA AND THEN SHE DID

it's 8 am and guess what I'm getting another drink my parents have c*vid and are in govt qu*r*ntine centres there is nobody to supervise or stop me

I too say 'Why do you have to say things like that?' to my pretty crush when she flirts with me

Nina smiling at Matthias bragging about his conservative ways is my aesthetic

'No, it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall and yet, oh, there you stand.' MY FUCKING QUEEN

Matthias laughing uncontrollably at Nina saying something which isn't even that funny is a whole ass vibe

Kaz Brekker saying 'The Black General' ooh fuck yeah

YESSSS STEP OUT OF THAT CARRIAGE ALL SEXY BLACK GENERAL

isn't alcohol supposed to like kill germs? well, the amount in my system definitely will

I love my crows so much (always but this time particularly for setting that alarm in the stolen carriage)

ooh Polina recognising Inej by the knife yesss let's go writers

this Ivan Jesper showdown is all I needed from life and yet did not know about

Ivan taking off his cloak was, um, sexier than I wanted it to be

I just realised how thirsty I am going to sound in this post

'Has no one told you that keftas are Fabrikator-made and resistant to bullets, hmm?' 'Oh, I do love a challenge' LITERALLY EVERYTHING

im sorry to be pointing out flaws in a perfect show and adaptation but the line delivery on 'You robbed me of my brother, now I'll rob you of your life' from Polina was kind of weak

'You're a-' *gets knocked out with the back of a gun* LMAO we love the hints

got excited at the prospect of kaz v. zoya until I realised they will not be letting the opportunity of kaz v. darkling pass up

my goodness is Amita Suman a splendid actress

I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU I SQUEALED WHEN I SAW DARKLES EMERGE OUT OF THE SHADOWS IN FRONT OF MY BABY BOY KAZ

THERE BEING ACTUAL FEAR OR ATLEAST DOUBT ON KAZ'S FACE, THE LITTLE BACK STEPS AS

THE DARKLING WALKS TOWARDS HIM, AAAAH I CAN'T

THE DARKLING STOPPING AT KAZ SAYING 'SHE FLED ON HER OWN' AND THE HINT OF TEARS THAT WE SEE IN HIS EYES

'IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN BEING A CAPTIVE ANYMORE' YOU TELL HIM, KING

*ACTUAL FUCKING TEARS IN THE DARKLING'S EYES AS THE SHADOWS APPROACH*

NOT ME YOWLING LIKE A HYENA THAT THIS CHILD OUTSMARTED THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN EXISTENCE WITH A FAKE MAGIC TRICK

'Are you sure you added enough cloves?' literally warranting a wide ass smile from my queen Alina making my entire fucking day

for some reason, no matter how much I push it from my mind, Ben Barnes dressed up as the Darkling, dancing to 'push it' keeps coming to mind, it's absolutely ridiculous

I got somehow distracted with interviews but good things came out of that as it gave my body the time for the booze to kick in

and I would just like to say that I love Leigh for all she has given me

Alina is so fucking compassionate, I have no much love for her. I can feel her guilt and her sorrow as Mal talks of Mikhail and Dubrov

don't particularly like how the stag plotline is woven in, could have been executed better

'You're afraid you might start to like me?' *flaps furs like a bird's wings in frustration*

'I DO like you' my fucking heart you idiots

the sexual tension is so palpable and the moment is so intimate I simply cannot

OMG SHE FUCKING FELL

that moment where you think he might let her fall despite having read the books and he doesn't and he tells her his name I- <3

YOU DARE TRANSITION FROM A HELNIK SCENE TO A KANEJ SCENE YOU REALLY HAVE NO MERCY FOR MY HEART HUH

people have talked about this endlessly but Freddie's little jaw tic after he says Inej because Inej is wounded and he can't physically bring himself to help her I fucking cannot

THE MUSIC PICKING UP AS KAZ LOOKS TO THE DARKLING'S CARRIAGE I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW ANYMORE

and now for one of my favorite scenes in television and cinematic history, David Kostyk throwing a book at Jesper Fahey without even knowing who he is merely because he opens the door of his carriage and says hello to him before getting knocked out by Kaz Brekker while trying to run away

Immediately followed by another, the scene with David Kostyk raising his finger to put forward his point in front of the Darkling and the Darkling trying to let him know he doesn't have to before obliging is one of my favourite scenes in the world

also sir please stop being devastatingly attractive in your glorious appearance with your face and your black kefta and cloak because all that comes to mind is Ayesha Erotica's Emo Boy and I'm afraid that is terribly inappropriate.

'No, you look great.' *literally looks down from embarrassment or blushing* MALINA RIGHTS?

THE LOOK ON THE DARKLING'S FACE BEFORE HE SAYS 'NO ORDINARY TRACKER, NO ORDINARY GIRL' BITCH IM OUT OF BREATH

'ORPHANS OF KERAMZIN, REUNITED.' 'ADORABLE.' HE FUCKING SNEERED IRL I FUCKING CANNOT

GOD IT'S SO GOOD

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macgyvertape · 3 years

Text

Castlevania kinda had a pacing problem

spoilers for all of Netflix’s Castlevania. I haven’t seen much analysis for the show on tumblr, im honestly curious if discussions I had with irl friends mirror what fandom talks about

tldr: Castlevania seems inconsistently paced from season to season, and within season as well, leads to a lot of characters motivations feeling unclear so characters repeatedly explain why they are doing something while they’re doing it

overview of the seasons:

S1 I know somewhat of a test for Netflix but it has good main trio character establishment and sets the scale of the conflict

s2: pretty complete emotional arc for most characters and resolves the plot of killing Dracula while setting up additional characters to continue the story. Isaac, Hector, Carmilla all established with the audience as characters whose story would continue

honestly I would bet this is the most popular season

S3: s2 did a bit of worldbuilding, but this season really fleshed out the world with both a wide range of locations and exploring the question of “what now, Dracula is dead but vampires and night creatures remain”.

There were basically 4 plot threads: 1) Sypha/Trevor investigating the cult & Saint Germain; 2) Hector & Carmilla (also introducing Lenore, Striga, Morana); 3) Isaac’s journey of revenge & self discovery; 4) Alucard sits around the castle and is betrayed.

overall characters roughly feel like they are in the same place if not worse. A big criticism I saw at the time, which hold up after rewatching this before s4 is nothing felt resolved for the main characters

I would say this season is where the pacing issues start to become apparent, juggling 4 plot threads that lack a central theme or even mutual character connection. If there was a central theme it would be “humans are awful to each other”. The Judge doing Hot Fuzz style murders, The Wizard in the tower, Sumi & Taka

S4: it starts with the same 4 plot threads, though upfront it is made clear that the plot theme is “people are trying to resurrect Dracula”, and the progression of the plot works to resolve unrelated plot threads until the main trio reunites for the boss fights. To me and my friends watching it was obvious that the show would reunite the main trio, the question was how and how far into the run time.

Season 4 is why I’m writing this essay, for the past 2 days I’ve been like, yeah that character sure explained their motives repeatedly maybe with some philosophical discussion, but it’s just such a weird place considering where they were in s3

Alucard’s arc:

Where he was left in season 3, it was after killing people he had trusted in self defense and impaling their corpses. It was clearly meant to parallel Dracula’s dislike of humanity. However overall his character lacked a proactive motivating force.

Honestly the most interesting thing I found in s3 was Alucard clearly misses Sypha and Trevor, however they don’t miss him or refer to him

One reason Sumi & Taka betray Alucard is for the secrets and power of Castlevania. After inviting the village including St Germain who Alucard was warned of into the Castle, Alucard makes 0 effort to secure anything, not even his personal childhood room. Guess he really learned nothing

Discussing St Germain, I think it’s funny that they had a several minute flashback sequence for his lost girlfriend (who doesn’t have a name or a voice actor), to remind the viewer of who he is, and to justify how he’s suddenly back and down for murder.

In s4 there is the call to help the village, and the walk back to the castle is a montage of Alucard opening up to Greta and becoming friendly literally overnight. He laughs off the impaling, and basically all of the darker things he went through in season 3, which has me asking what was the point of his season 3 arc then?

Honestly writing this I realize the biggest parallel he has with Dracula is the call to action from a bold woman with a dramatic entrance speech which then leads to a romance

Isaac’s arc:

in s3, with all the other themes of “humanity sucks” I was always unsure if the townspeople were meant to appear irrational while attacking a larger force instead of letting him pass through an leave, or him not caring about how he’s provoking them is meant to show his insanity

ive seen the discussion elsewhere, curious about the Discourse here

is s4 Isaac has the whole monologue about how he now has agency but him gaining that agency was his s3 arc. In s4 he’s already at the point of accepting it. By the end of s4 he’s one of those who comes the furthest from his first character appearance to his last.

s4e5 where of Isaac attacking Carmilla in Isaac’s 2nd appearance had him resolving like 4 plot threads at once (Carmilla, Striga& Morana, Hector, and Isaac himself).

but i do wonder if Trevor, Sypha, or Alucard even know any of these people exist. I think not

I was honestly confused if I missed a scene from his dialogue about building something and what is inherent nature, to “My plan has evolved, my plan is now conquest” because he only conquests the one castle and the rest is left unclear

Upon rewatch the connection there is “killing [the wizard] felt just ... I liked that feeling”, so the show says that Isaac in the end attacked Carmilla for the sake of justice and not revenge.

Isaac in his last conversation expresses the theme of s4 “build something new on these old bones, where people can live for the future”

however, his arc honestly feel scenes were cut, and then dialogue was written around it. He’s the only living character who doesn’t show up in the epilogue and the sentient night creature “what if I could empty hell” dialogue was some of the most interesting worldbuilding. Night creatures with sentience and possibility of regaining memories!!!!

The Council of Sisters & Hector’s arc:

oh I’ve already seen s4 discourse about Lenore/Hector while searching for character analysis, a chunk of it seems to be rationalizing the absolute difference between how s3 ended with these characters and s4. It was extremely confusing for me and my friends; wondering if 1) was Hector showing more emotional intelligence than before and putting on a facade to cover up hatred? Nope 2) did more time pass than 6 weeks for there to be some kind stockholm syndrome? No, Hector seems fine to let Lenore kill herself

The slave control ring: played up in the climax of s3 and easily solved s4. s3 Lenore says if he tries to harm them, flee, or take it off it would cause crippling pain, in s4 Hector just easily cuts off his own finger.

for a control ring that they take time to show a version being on the Rebus, it doesn’t do much controlling of Hector

also guess the definition of “do harm” just refers to direct action

Lenore in s4: has no purpose in conquest, has that useless remarked on by multiple characters, is imprisoned, then kills herself after a genre aware philosophical discussion. This essay is long enough, but what the fuck happened to this character who ended s3 clearly physically and sexually abusive? Seriously this was one of the biggest writing changes to the point where she was treating Hector as an equal. Compare her last words in s3 “shh the real people [vampires] are talking”. The change in the relationship is actually something I would have taken being shown, or atleast told of what exactly caused this change other than the vague “you adopted him”

Striga&Morana get the best arc of the Council. 3 scenes: the tent argument, Daybreak armor fight & argument resolution, declaration of feelings and turning away. You could argue Castlevania is plot to be connective tissue between fight scenes, but for all the dialogue about human resistance in different seasons it was nice to see it. Overall the scenes were short but had a lot of showing what their relationship is not just telling,

unlike Carmilla. For as much hyping up as they did with her, and as much power as she had, she only appeared in 2 episodes and no other group except Isaac knew about her military conquest.

the map scene where she states her motive for conquest of wanting to take things from old men is the key example of how characterization became tell not show. How interesting was that monologue compared to the past seasons flashback to her murmuring the old vampire lord, or all her repeated insults of men/man-children that shows how she judges people??

That monologue had to carry the weight of justifying the Sisterhood bonds falling apart as well as why her motivation changed from building a human pen from Styria to Braila to world conquest. I think it did so poorly

Sypha & Trevor

really Sypha & Trevor have the main plot in the show. I checked and post season 1 the only episode they don’t appear in is s4e6, which is entirely devoted to the Isaac, Hector, and Council of Sisterhood arc. Their partnership and adventures are the main plot of the show.

Its easy to see what Trevor’s arc was over the show: coming to peace with the deaths of his family, taking up the mantle of being a Belmont, and starting a new family with Sypha.

With Sypha I actually had to scroll through tv tropes for what is her character arc, and I guess hers is disillusionment from adventure and life outside the speakers? My friends joke that Sypha’s magic is what the plot demands to look cool in a fight, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Tangent: the ending of their arc was easy to guess: as soon as Trevor went to fight the final boss alone I literally said “oh i bet Sypha’s pregnant, Trevor’s doing a heroic sacrifice, theyll use the unexplained magical dagger mcguffin, and 60/40 odds that he goes through an infinite corridor to outright come back vs just the implication he might come back”

I guess my final thought of the show, was overall the SUPER Final Boss got my by surprise. It was a good twist I enjoyed. Not that Death appeared, I had guessed that from the heavy foreshadowing, but I was surprised by who it was, because I had thought I thought the characters involved feeling shoehorned into the plot was just more bad writing. The Alchemist who put St Germain on the path or murder for no discernible motive for helping? Sure gotta move the plot along. New Dracula court member Varney who has a whole introduction with almost every character he meets and banter about his smell? Sure thats basically how all characters talk with a snarky and acerbic voice.

#Castlevania #castlevania spoilers #castlevania meta #castlevania season four #overall i enjoyed the show #id love to find some discussion of the show #this wound up being more of a recap than a persuasive essay #but i think my tldr thesis statement stands

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gaawachan · 3 years

Text

Critical Role 135 Discord Convo (Topic: Shipping?)

Some pre-convo context: This conversation meandered a bit so there's a lot of stuff that may turn up in other conversations later; it was really late and so a lot of things were only briefly touched on.

Me: You know... people are gonna freak out if LoB doesn't just cave and romance Essek at this point. If he wasn't planning on doing so then his roleplay during the past few episodes is gonna cause backlash, I think.

Sibling: I think he was on the fence and then Matt was like, "Okay, I have to push this because I currently have plans to make Astrid a victim of Trent and/or the big bad of Caleb's arc."

Me: Certainly feels that way, lol. Matt's definitely the one that's been doing the pushing post-boat scene.

Sibling: Pretty much-- Matt has kept Essek near Caleb for every moment that he can

Me: (Caleb did tell Essek to stay close, lol) But in the past couple of episodes Liam's gone back to reciprocating. If he isn't planning on shipping it, he shouldn't do that.

Sibling: Despite Lucien's eyes. Oh for sure. I think he is though. Why else would LoB post stuff like *examples of LoB's twitter activity*? He doesn't egg on Astrid/Caleb shippers lol

Me: That's true.

Sibling: Plus, Essek is purple.

Me: Of course we weren't in the fandom when Vaxmore happened and then dropped, so we don't know if Liam did the same thing with that ship.

Sibling: God I hope not... C'mon, give us a bit of beeg yoshi

Me: Having watched half of season 1, I can say that there was way, waaaaaaaay less tension and such between Vax and Gilmore. Vax liked Shaun a lot, and Shaun was in love with Vax... but they had nothing in common, they didn't have any real theme/plot/setting/interest ties or anything. Just a vanilla relationship, like, they went out on lunch dates.

Sibling: It's funny because OTHER non-shippers came onto that ship-positive trend and started talking about Vaxmore and how more "real" it was. And I'm like, I feel like slow-burn romances are far more "real" than people hopping on each other as soon as that they get a chance (COUGH COUGH BEAUYASHA I'M SORRY COUGH). Don't disparage lunch dates, btw; there's nothing gayer than that.

Me: No, don’t get me wrong, I was actually about to post that "I can see why people like that because it feels realistic" The bigger problem with Vaxmore was simply that they didn't see Gilmore very often. I think Liam would have been more interested in continuing that ship if Gilmore had not been... well, the Pumat Sol of the campaign. Just not very relevant. This isn't the case for Essek; he is THE npc of this campaign, basically. He's more involved than any other NPC in either season. Side note: if C1 and C2 had happened concurrently, I'd have totally shipped Gilmore with Mollymauk.

Sibling: OH TOTALLY

Me: Lol

Sibling: Essek and Caleb have many interests in common, and Liam has CANONIZED Caleb's attraction to him, both intellectually and physically. They have expressed a desire to spend time together, platonically? to improve their craft. They have worked to improve with each other, speak with each other in a way that they don't with others-- not even people they're supposedly closer to. Essek has had a turn of his morals BECAUSE of Caleb's actions... What do other ships in this season have? Caleb and Astrid; they have shared misery and a past that stains ALL of their interactions. Maybe there is love left, but it would need a TON of work, and she is never onscreen long enough for that to be established. There's not really any tension aside from the viewers' "is this a villain" tension. Not even the dance felt good, it was transactional and there to hide information being exchanged and then they LEFT. Caleb and Eodwulf; Caleb said his forearms were hot, lol? But Eodwulf has even less time than Astrid, and hasn't even really piqued the rest of the cast's interest, in spite of Caleb's history with him. Caleb and Jester; Might have worked if JESTER WAS EVER INTERESTED IN HIM. AND SHE NEVER WAS AND STILL ISN'T. She was smitten with Fjord the moment she started projecting him onto Tusk Love lol. Caleb and Nott; I'm not touching this one Non-Caleb ships are like: Fjord and Jester; Sweet, predictable, pretty much how I pictured it being when it became canon. Jester being exactly the same and Fjord being openly affectionate. Maybe some priorities being changed around. Beau and Yasha; I'm NGL, I feel like they're together... because they're lesbians? And not because they actually have much in common aside from that? It's sweet, but if we're speaking purely from a like... chemistry standpoint? This one falls on its face. But, no, I'm sorry. Just because Caleb isn't literally devouring Essek's face whenever he's on screen (though he slobbers like he wants to whenever Essek uses Dunamancy), doesn't mean that the ship is "invisible". It's invisible to people who are only used to overt ships I guess But I'm sorry, I need to go back through and make a "Caleb slobbers over Essek doing magic" compilation. Because it doesn't exist yet, and yet it happens all the time lol And people are like "where attraction" RIGHT THERE, GUYS

Me: Speaking of Jester, actually. Jester's funny because early on she actually did tease/flirt with Caleb quite a bit... but then she stopped doing it. When? I'd say it happened right around the same time Caleb started having feelings for her, imo, after their waltz, when he said Astrid's name. Jester and Fjord were caged together in the Sour Nest and I think that, followed by the Fjord/Avantika arc, really sealed the deal for where her interests went. Also, Jester and Nott wrote that letter to Astrid, so by that point I think it's pretty safe to say that Jester not only was not interested in Caleb; she wasn't even interested in teasing/lightly flirting with him anymore. Also Caleb eyescrews Essek a lot... so yeah what are these people smoking? Even LoB, who has been wishy washy about the ship, has been pretty upfront about Caleb's interest in Essek.

Sibling: I don't think Widojest people want Caleb to be with someone happy and who makes him happy. Essek is not a happy man but Caleb's mood certainly seems to brighten whenever he shows up.

Me: I mean, there IS chemistry between Caleb and Jester but the issue is that the two characters view each other completely differently. She just doesn't see him that way. The other half of the equation is that Caleb tends to treat Jester as being more than just the cutesy trickster and a lot of the other cast members haven't really shown that? They tend to undermine her a lot actually. It's most obvious with respect to the Traveler. Caleb actually respects her relationship with Artagan. Other members of the group just hate him and have made it clear to her that they feel that way. That includes BOTH Fjord and Beau. Like if you compare the conversations she had with Fjord and with Caleb on Rumblecusp, it's night and day, but it doesn't matter because she just doesn't view Caleb as a prospective partner at all. She tends to frame their relationship in the same way several of the characters in the party frame their dynamics with Caleb. "I want to help him but I have no idea what the fuck to say or do." She'd still above average compared to the group at doing so but that's because of her mother's influence, not because she has feelings for him. Ngl, if I WERE to ship Caleb with someone other than Essek at this point I think I would pick Jester just because they have a mutual respect for each other. Oh oh here's an example. Okay, so Caleb's room for Jester in the tower right? It's very similar to her childhood room, but he deliberately "adults" it up, because he respects her as an adult. What was Fjord's gift to her in Rexxentrum? A child's toy. A unicorn statue. And that's cute and all, but... uh...

Sibling: A little infantilizing?

Me: Yes exactly, and it's the same way he behaves about her relationship with Artagan. One could easily argue that Fjord treats Jester sort of like she's the pixie girl stereotype, but that's just surface-level stuff about Jester. You'll notice that Fjord and Jester's conversations tend to lean cutesy and immature, but when Jester talks with Caleb, it's very often a thoughtful and deeper conversation, so I DO see why people ship it.

Sibling: I mean, but that's my problem with it. Maybe it's better than Fjorjester, but Liam doesn't lick his lips every single time Jester breathes too hard.

Me: Lol. Personally I think that part of the problem is that 1) Travis isn't comfortable with doing romance, and Fjord is awkward af, and 2) Jester/Laura has tried to get him to talk with Jester on a deeper level and it hasn't really been successful, and she's let some opportunities slip by, but Liam rarely passes up the opportunity to have a deeper conversation with other players, so he ends up having more serious conversations with Jester simply because Liam seeks out those conversations.

Sibling: Well Liam loves character romances. It's why his second character left as many options open to him as possible lol. It's the stark difference between Liam and Travis. Travis is only comfortable romancing his wife fictionally lol. Liam loves the way you can reexamine a character and reshape their ending with those choices and I think he's way more willing to just go "screw it, my character is horny AF for this wizard boy, what are you going to do Matt?" "my character is also horny for my party member, but it's probably unrequited, but I'm going to stick with it for character depth"

Me: Seriously though go back and rewatch the Rumblecusp conversations Jester had with Fjord and with Caleb. You could SEE it in Jester. Fjord was NOT saying anything she wanted or needed to hear. I thought she actually looked pretty hurt.

Sibling: Oh, I remember being like "well that was deflating" and it's why she kept asking people. She's looking for answers, and pretty much everyone pussyfooted around it becawuse she's such a cuwuty.

Me: Yes, props to Caleb for stepping up, even though he didn't give her the answer she wanted either. That's precisely the problem with her dynamics with other characters. They're too busy fawning over how cute she is and trying to shield her to get to anything much deeper.

Sibling: Whereas Caleb thought of her as a woman- someone he really liked, from... like super early on.

Me: Oddly the end result is that the non-stop shielding of Jester has inhibited Laura's ability to grow Jester as a character. Which has to be frustrating as a player.

Sibling: I think it probably has been. Especially because I think she wanted to explore how being in a romance would change her. She even hinted to that way earlier: "That's not at all how love is depicted in the books we read..." "You mean the porn books we read?"

Me: The character is rarely challenged and hasn't really been forced to change. She has changed in that she's matured from experience, but it's subtle and it isn't really acknowledged much. Nothing screamed this more than the climax of Traveler-con, where she was staring down the barrel of a monumental life-change and her cutesyness somehow convinced the planetar to be like... "fine, bye." Even MATT regretted that decision in the Talks afterward.

Sibling: Oh for sure! She just gets everything and you know what sucks? I think LAURA wanted Artagan to be taken. It would have devastated Jester but it would have forced her to change.

Me: Well actually, Laura said that she was going to offer to worship the Moonweaver instead of the Traveler if it meant she'd spare him punishment. When she said that, Matt's whole face just dropped; he was so upset that he wasted that opportunity, but that's the cost of treating Jester like she needs coddling. It's like... bro... she ax murders people... come on.

Sibling: She burns people to death with sacred flame and gets people lost in the woods by messing with road signs.

Me: She's been tortured and barely shows the trauma of it at all (can't believe that went unaddressed btw)... She can handle pushback... Like again, Caleb. Early on she butted heads with Caleb because she's a spoiled rich kid, but you'll notice that after offending him like that? She never did it again.

Sibling: Because she's a good person capable of introspection and changing her behavior to help people.

Me: It's a small thing but Jester actually became a better person precisely because Caleb didn't handle her with kid gloves.

Sibling: That even ties back to her dropping her flirting when "Astrid" was brought up.

Me: Yep

Sibling: ... Shadowgast is still better.

Me: Yep. I don't hate widojest and I think that of all the jester pairings it's probably the best, but of all the Caleb pairings Shadowgast is best.

Sibling: I mean, Shadowgast is best even by virtue of like... who else would you pair Essek with that he could still stick around the party for? He's only interested in Caleb lol. That's not to say he doesn't LIKE the rest of the cast, but back to the deep conversations thing...

Me: I've seen some people shipping Widojessek, lol.

Sibling: There's really only one person (and one group chat) where he had those sorts of opening up moments. Poor Fjord- just got a GF and people are already cucking him.

Me: Lol. Oh, man... Caleb and Essek really need to talk about the assembly. Specifically Caleb's past and what Essek's dealings with them were like in more detail.

Sibling: Matt tried to lol and Caleb was like "yeah okay i got plans, but also paper"

Me: Essek needs to be more direct because Caleb doesn't WANT to talk about it.

Sibling: He can't, he's a wizard. No melee attacks, emotionally or verbally.

Me: Well, the issue is that Essek prods at Caleb's goals, which are nebulous (so Caleb really can't give a satisfactory answer, and he also can't answer without talking about his past first). And when he prods about Caleb's past, he's too indirect. He needs to directly ask about Caleb's past FIRST if he wants more information about Caleb's goals.

Sibling: The next time they're in the tower (which I fear won't be for a while) Essek literally needs to be like "I'm drowning in guilt, you need to tell me about what I was involved with so I can manage it" He'd probably give him a few crumbs lmao. If Essek makes it about himself, Caleb is less likely to close up.

Me: Yes, that is exactly how Essek needs to frame it. "I don't have a full understanding of the nature of the people I gave power to. I know now that they're more terrible than I thought, but not exactly how. I think that in order to fully grasp what I have done, I need to know more about them." It's pretty blatant bait but Caleb would probably be convinced by it anyway.

Sibling: Oh for sure. Caleb can't exactly run away from that either; he's too chicken to flee from conversations. He freezes and either spills or clams up.

Me: At this point, there's really no GOOD reason to NOT tell Essek about his past. There's nothing to lose from it, and a decent amount to gain; it could turn Essek actively hostile towards the Assembly rather than keeping him cowering in Eiselcross.

Sibling: He's uncomfortable with it (trauma will do that) Doesn't want to get sidetracked (Essek told him not to) Haven't had a good time to do so (no privacy) Doesn't want Essek to distance himself from him (most likely)

Me: This is true, but he's already told the people who he least wanted to tell (Jester and Caduceus) ... Actually, my suspicion is...

Sibling: And neither of them pulled away from him-- eh? Me: ... that Caleb doesn't want to tell Essek because he's worried that Essek will, well... uh, treat him like a child. Caleb was so young, and telling the story of his past also means admitting that he's 11 years younger than he appears. And there is some amount of Caleb's view of his past that is irrational and he chafes viciously whenever someone tries to downplay his culpability by pointing out his age at the time.

Sibling: I think he already has. Don't try to tell me about how not patronizing that "Young Man" line was lol. It was meant in good faith but... I think Caleb does the abuse victim "the idea of ever being young and vulnerable again is terrifying" thing pretty convincingly. It's also sort of a rewind back to his respect for someone who seems outwardly childish, but is an adult whose choices need to be respected.

Me: There is another matter which... Well, Caleb is slowly coming to terms with his status as a victim (veeery slowly) but I think if Essek were to learn about his past, and taking into account their different cultural perspectives on age, Essek might have a hard time not reacting more in line with Beau/Nott's initial reactions to the full tale. Beau said she thought it was nothing to be ashamed of (and Caleb started laughing hysterically) and then Nott just full-on denied that any of it was his fault (which is completely at odds with his own belief), and since Essek's gut reaction to hearing the story is probably going to be something like "Trent is a baby torturer" ... That's not an easy thing for Caleb to stomach.

Sibling: And yes, Essek will absolutely have that reaction because at that age humans are still fetuses to him.

Me: This brings me to my final point. Caleb may be worried that Essek learning all of this and thinking that way will damage Essek's ability to see Caleb as his mirror. He may view it as a threat to the life-line he threw Essek that night in Nicodranas.

Sibling: And then it's not about bettering each other... It's about Essek being alone again and Caleb being alone.

Me: However, Essek's insistence that he is sure nothing Caleb has done could compare to what Essek has done does mitigate that risk significantly. It's just a matter of whether or not Caleb can see that and Essek can be pushy enough to get him to crack.

Sibling: I know Essek has it in him. He can forsake his country's precious artifacts to an opposing nation, he can push his BF to open up to him about his problems. Caleb, on the other hand, has been exceedingly fragile... since you know... GOING BACK TO THE ASYLUM, so I don't know if he's in a state to have that discussion, but if they don't have it soon, by the time Essek talks to him again Trent will probably be dead.

Me: Caleb is pretty blatant about his compartmentalization and deflection. He feels it's necessary in the current circumstance with the Tomb Takers, but somebody really needs to step up after Lucien's taken out and talk to Caleb about this stuff. Essek would be ideal because Caleb could benefit the most from Essek's perspective, I think, but really... anyone other than Veth is better than nothing. Going back to the Asylum was very obviously a severe triggering event and NO ONE TALKED ABOUT IT. Like, jfc, guys, Beau is right. She asked if Caleb was even capable of working alongside Trent, and Caleb said yes (if he thought it was necessary), but we all, WE ALL know that he can't. Not after that disaster.

Sibling: Especially because both Veth and Jester saw him go straight into "OH GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE, HE'S HERE AND WE'RE GOING TO DIE, I'M GOING TO KILL HIM BEFORE HE HURTS ANYONE" and they were like "he can probably handle this"

Me: He was already borderline in that headspace BEFORE Trent showed up.

Sibling: And then afterward, he went straight into a dangerous self-destructive spiral. Like... I know we've said this before but thank GOD for that failed persuasion check.

Me: That nat 1 was poetry on so many levels. On a meta level the sheer luck of it was a delight, but within the context of the story I think it was great that Essek is just like... "No. I am not crossing this line, not even for you."

Sibling: It worked narratively, meta-narratively, and saved Matt from having to draw up a bunch of ambush situations made by Volstruckers when Trent inevitably backstabbed them.

Me: Can you imagine poor Matt trying to play the Tomb Takers, Trent, Astrid, Wulf, and Essek... AND Charlie/Devexien?

Sibling: He already forgets to play Essek, and he only had a few NPCs to deal with.

Me: Even purely from a gameplay standpoint, can you imagine all the loot they Nein would lose in Aeor if they had brought scourgers with them? What if they found that dunamis machine?

Sibling: EXACTLY.

Convo ended here, but I had some more thoughts. It was just too late to keep talking. For example, I like FjordxJester and BeauxYasha. I think they are actually complicated relationships but they just haven't really had the room to be deeply explored/examined, for example. I also did not go into nearly as much detail about my thoughts on VaxxShaun as I would have liked to mostly because that ship wasn't the point of the discussion. ... oh god how do I even tag this?

#critical role #critrole #critical role spoilers #critrole spoilers #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #jester lavorre

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mcytbdamofficial · 3 years

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A strange question. If the official DSMP lore of (a) character/s ever heavily changes from what you wrote it as (in example, if c!Velvet turns out to be long dead or the velvetisegg theory is true, or any of the major characters- that their canon lore starts being majorily different), how do you come up with things that would make them "fit in" again? I am just genuiely curious about that

usually a good way to go around things like that is to fall back on what i've already established and try to spin it in the right way. a good thing to use is the nether lore as well as everything with the memories - things like that are unpredictable and pretty much anything can come to light at any point.

(this answer went on for a while longer than i expected so i’ll put it under the cut in case there’s someone scrollin who doesn’t want this whole thing clogging up their dash)

a good example would be the sbi family canon - when phil first shouted the words "you're my son!" a lot of people instantly thought that techno, wilbur and tommy being his sons had been basically canonized (obviously this got debunked later with only wilbur being his son, but at the time that was the canon i went with and had to somehow push in). until a part of the story i wasn't planning to make the sbi family canon, so i had to think of something fast. so i considered how phil, for whatever reason, supported techno's reign during the antarctic empire days. why did he just outright follow him when his acts were universally regarded as evil? initial ideas were he, himself, was rather bloodthirsty, but this new issue came around and i used this blank in the story as a way to explain it - of COURSE phil would support techno unconditionally, he's his son, after all. later on, i managed to strike a balance in the story between phil supporting techno because of them being family, as well as him, himself, having his own agenda in the empire itself (bringing along the bloodthirsty nature of techno, which in turn i later explained with the voices, once those were canonized. that solution to a new canon was practically handed to me, with how i wrote the bloodlust as a voice beforehand. i just had to change it to “voices”).

for your example, i have one idea that could work! if velvet turns out long dead, i could quickly explain it in a simple way. ant WAS getting letters from velvet, but at one point they stopped and he received news velvet had died. ant has been lying about getting letters after some point because he didn't want other people who knew him to get hurt, and maybe he's even in a certain level of denial.

if velvet IS the egg, that could be more complicated, but still doable. tie it all into the source/nether lore, make him some sort of god or symbol of chaos, just play around with the rules of my own world until things fall into place. usually, somehow, i will find a way out just by stepping back and analysing what i already have prepared and thinking of how it can help me insert a new idea into the story without disturbing what's already there.

this is basically how wilbur being a source came into fruition! initial ideas were him and schlatt decided themselves to not enter the bunker and escape the flood on their own, but how would that make sense? oh yeah, what if one of them IS the flood? then i rewatch the video, and who other than wilbur is putting the commands in to make the water rise! it was too perfect not to somehow include it, yknow? and then boom, i have this cool lore about sources. why not use it? and yes, initially sources were JUST gonna be a passing mention in the captain’s journal. they weren’t ever planned to go this far. and before you know it we have wilbur, kristin, foolish, hannah...

so yeah. what i’m saying is. when in doubt, use nether lore. and that’s how i’ll go around whatever comes of the egg, in the end.

a lot of it also comes down to very careful storytelling and knowing what to change and what to leave alone. when the story started there was a set amount of people that i knew were involved in the roleplay and others i knew would NEVER get involved (keep in mind the story started being written before even the festival happened live, HELL, even villbur wasn't a thing back then), and separated them into small groups based on what i could and what i couldn't play around with. for example;

i could easily change callahan, alyssa, etc around... they're people who barely appear who aren't involved in the storyline. i gave them small appearances to show they're there and mostly kept them to the back.

people who i KNOW will never join the smp can be mentioned, referenced or even included! minx is probably the prime example of this. and if she ever DOES join the smp, by some magical chance? there can always be some magical book in the library that can reverse her from a dreamon to a human. so nothing to worry about there.

future major characters like dream, quackity, niki, etc didn't have much at the start but needed something to push them into their future arcs. in these characters i changed their start but made sure it left space to be moulded into anything they become later - i made niki kind but i also showed her early critisism of wilbur, already sensing she may have a villian arc coming in the future. when season 2 came around, i was proved right so i went in on those small hints more and more.

for characters who have an established arc, start to finish, who it's hard to change in any way, i change nothing - but i look at their past. the obvious people for this are schlatt and wilbur. on the smp they were characters start to finish, their arcs started and ended in the story and had nothing else. so i focused on the past, instead. and boom, suddenly we have 35 smplive chapters of completely original content.

with every character i live small hints of SOMETHING coming in the future. i leave small holes to be eventually filled by canon, and if canon gives me nothing, i fill them myself with something minor. another good thing is to trust fanon - with a fandom like this, where the creators listen to their fans and canonize a lot of popular fanon, it's good to go in on small fanon knowing it will eventually be canon, or even knowing it will make readers happy and will never impact the story, no matter how much it changes (think tubbo having horns, puffy being a pirate/sea captain of some sort, stuff like that)

there are, of course, times when i can’t avoid changing things from canon. phil not knowing who schlatt is, wilbur not knowing schlatt, etc... but i think in those places, those changes serve to improve the story in some way, and i think it’s a welcome change in the end. this story is definitely leaning more into AU than RETELLING, but i don’t think it’s such a bad thing. while faithfully retelling every major plot point, it adds its own elements and creates a somewhat new and exciting story people can enjoy anew. i think that’s what i strive to do the most in this fic - not retell the story word for word. you’ve already seen the videos. you don’t need that. what i DO want to do is create an engaging read for both avid fans who have seen every stream and casual fans who want the lore to make a little bit more sense to them. and that’s that.

god that went on a while didn’t it haha...

okay so to summarise - whenever something major changes in the canon lore, i have various ways of going about it. usually for some characters i would have left behind hints of SOMETHING and will just try to fit them into whatever change has showed up, or try to at the very least explain them with the new development so it doesn’t seem out of nowhere.

if that is not possible, i look back on all i established and think how i can use it to my advantage. could someone have been forgotten in an old world? is there some sort of nether anomaly that could have caused this? is this character a reliable narrator and have we gotten the full truth? there are a lot of ways to change things around with it being completely out of the blue but seeming fitting for the audience - you just have to really think it through, plan it, and make sure you know exactly what you want to do before going into it.

and finally, if there truly is no way to change a thing, shift canon completely and make sure it doesn’t change the base story. allow me to use the sbi as an example again, since i think they’re a good tool for this;

techno will take tommy in and help him recover from exile, same as canon, because he is his brother, as bdam canon states. at first he’ll just do it because phil wanted him to, but soon it will become a matter of family. when tommy betrays techno, it will hurt him more deeply BECAUSE they’re brothers. when he comes back to phil and tells him what happened, even phil himself will become enraged. the two themselves have been shown to have a history of resorting to violence and aggression in the story (look back at the antarctic empire), so doomsday wouldn’t seem out of character, or, at the very least, out of the question, when two men like them are pushed to their very limits by a betrayal like this. still, it would be unfair on tommy, but on both sides there would be something justified and something they did wrong - and that’s how you balance a good conflict in any story.

so yeah. i hope this long ass essay made sense. a lot of work goes into making sure this story flows naturally, so i’m glad someone finally asked something like this where i could reveal just how much work goes into it!!!

#sam speaks #ask #whoo boy a long one

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hopeymchope · 3 years

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Godzilla Singular Point

I came into Singular Point with some trepidation because Godzilla’s history in anime is both very recent and extremely bad. The three anime movies released between 2017 and 2019 are easily the worst work of famed writer Gen Urobuchi and honestly contain more bullshit than I can even get into here. Those movies and this series were both Godzilla anime properties commissioned by Netflix, which didn’t get my hopes up very much. Thankfully, Singular Point is a very different beast from the anime trilogy. One could argue it’s very different from most Godzilla media, actually — at least from my perspective. And I’m still a pretty entry-level fan of Toho’s Big G, all things considered.

Let me just warn you right up front: This smartphone-based virtual assistant is basically the breakout star of the series.

When you think “Godzilla,” you probably don’t think “incredibly dense sci-fi concepts,” but with the big G’s first-ever anime series, the writers clearly set out to change that perception. Before the first kaiju even appears, the lead characters are plucked from obscurity and dropped into a mystery that involves fourth-dimensional time travel, physical objects that look different from all sides, theoretical math concepts, self-propagating A.I., and a whole lot more. And it’s NEVER made clear how all of it connects to the rampaging kaiju! Although we spend a lot of time investigating a red dust or sand that is very obviously tied to the monsters in SOME way, no one ever makes a connection that explains the relationship. Maybe we’re supposed to wait for a later season to connect the threads... but let’s get into the idea of “another season” later.

I like to think of myself as someone who typically enjoys hard sci-fi, but even with the characters spending loads of time trying to explain the high concepts driving the story, I was never able to fully wrap my head around what was going on in the mystery at the center of GSP. I rewound and rewatched a few explanations, but I still walked away feeling lost. I eventually settled on some vague, loose understandings of most of the ideas mentioned, but those understandings were subject to being ripped apart in subsequent scenes when I was shown or told something completely at odds with what I thought I knew. I can’t say I was ever bored with the thick, dense scientific concepts on offer — trying to find purchase with these far-out ideas kept me glued to the screen — but damn, I sure wish I was able to comprehend them.

What do we want?! DENSE SCIENTIFIC DISCUSSION AND DEBATE! When do we want it?! AFTER THOROUGH RESEARCH, TESTING, AND PEER REVIEW!

Another weird thing about this show is that the lead characters remain in separate locations and on separate tracks for the entire duration. We have Yun — a mechanical engineer and programmer who has an amazing grasp on physics and human behavior. And we have Mei — a grad student who is deeply invested in theoretical science, UMAs, cryptids and other far-flung concepts. Both of them are basically geniuses in their fields, and even though they take opposing views of just how flexible reality is, their shared ability to think “outside the box” becomes the crucial component in solving the mystery at the core of the series. Because they don’t even know one another (despite being separated by like, ONE degree), they only ever interact via text messages and behind screen names, which feels pretty damn weird. At least I immediately liked both of them, with Yun being the standout to me because of how his lowkey reactions to crazy shit generates a lot of humor.

This soundtrack cover LIES; you will never see these characters in a room together like this.

Alas, we don’t get to know the characters a whole lot beyond what we learned of them in the first two episodes. It’s not long before they’re trapped in a series of complicated exposition dumps, endlessly attempting to explain the high concepts of the show to other characters as well as my dumb ass in the audience. The fact that I liked them in the first couple of episodes carried me through more than half of the show, but I was always hoping to see them share more of themselves or just display more emotion. Anime as a medium excels at emotional storytelling. But despite the major, world-altering events the characters are constantly warning us about, none of them seem to have many emotions about said events.

Further complicating matters is how, when major events finally occur in this show, they are often kept off-screen. One character shockingly dies, but the portrayal of that death is so piss-poor that I didn’t even realize it’d happened until someone mentioned their death in the next episode. After that vague death, I was particularly sensitive to anything that looked like it might possibly be lethal. Yet a later event that is played up as a tragic, fatal occurrence ends up... fine, somehow? It’s not clear how the character survives, because — even after one of our heroes is left screaming their name in despair as they seemingly die — nobody ever talks about or explains how he’s just fine a couple of scenes later. And near the end of the series, there’s a major transformation that occurs for one of the characters, and we never see it happen nor do we understand HOW it happened. It’s just that suddenly, this character is extremely different due to off-screen reasons that are only vaguely verbalized.

I guess these two really bonded at some point for some reason? And what you are seeing here is literally the height of emotion shown in the entire show.

Even though the overarching story of the series so far pretty clearly wraps up in episode 13, we then get a post-credits tease for a potential second season. So the question becomes: Would I watch that?

Well... Godzilla Singular Point is a series with a lot of issues that kept me at arms’ length from it — tons of extremely confusing dialogue, highly frustrating choices in direction that lead to baffling storytelling, characters who are mostly exposition-dumping — and yet there’s still some foundational work here that I appreciated a lot. When the action occurs, it’s pretty cool/fun. And when urban destruction occurs, it can be awe-inspiring. The human characters, though little-explored, have likable and interesting foundations to them that could be expanded upon. And I didn’t even mention the soundtrack, which features a variety of musical styles combined with the classic Ifukube theme music and an OP that is an absolute banger. (I have a weakness when it comes to music; a good soundtrack can carry me through even the blandest series sometimes.) Even the core idea of centering a Godzilla series around hard science and mathematical concepts is a compelling one, I think! I just hated the execution of it; they went waaaaay too far on poorly explaining incredibly complex, mind-bending concepts for my pea brain to handle it. They spend so much time trying to explain things, yet somehow they never succeeded for me.

Ultimately, I’d probably give the show another chance. But if I do give another season a chance, it’ll be on probation. I wouldn’t watch the entire season unless I could see within four episodes that they’d definitely improved things.

Would I recommend that anyone watch the series as it currently stands? I mean... not really? I guess if you really dig complex math, hard theoretical science, and/or Toho’s stable of monsters, then maaaaaaaaaaybe give it a shot. But otherwise? Naaaahh. It’s not good enough at anything to make it stand out from the anime crowd. I didn’t hate it like I hated the Godzilla anime films, but Singular Point is still something that both casual viewers and most fans can comfortably ignore for the time being. It’s not a complete disaster, and it’s not without its highlights... but it’s definitely disappointing in my opinion.

OKAYOKAYOKAY, so let’s talk about the kaiju for a bit!

Below will be SPOILERS revealing all of the kaiju that appear in Godzilla Singular Point and giving my feelings on them.

Godzilla — It’s interesting to see a version of Godzilla that borrows some ideas from Shin Godzilla. Shin G has been incredibly unique until now, but this Godzilla manages to fold some of Shin’s distinctive aspects in with the more classic/typical versions to build a fun new depiction. Be forewarned that Godzilla doesn’t show up until the series is halfway over, and he doesn’t get a ton of screen time, either. He’s used quite sparingly and kept in hazy settings, often framed from the neck-up when they show him. It’s a little frustrating that they felt the need to shroud him so much, but I respect the fact that whenever Godzilla is shown, the destruction he causes is on a scale far beyond anything that the rest of the kaiju ever do. He is pure devastation.

Rodan — He’s easily the biological kaiju with the most screen time in Singular Point. Rodan is first introduced as one gigantic pterosaur, but if you’ve seen ANY trailers for this show then you already know that his depiction transitions into an asston of smaller pterosaurs, all of whom are also called “Rodan.” (Apparently the word Rodan is both singular and plural, like the word “buffalo.”) Although he looks kind of cool at first, pretty soon Rodan showing up isn’t special or threatening anymore. Rodan appearances go from “a big goddamn deal” to “some bland background noise” before the series is even 1/3 finished. The design might be a little too far removed from the original for my own taste, but even if I didn’t think that, I wouldn’t be able to care for this Rodan simply because he’s rendered so unimportant and unimpressive.

If you go out in the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise...

Anguirus — Now check this guy out! Anguirus gets one of the coolest fights in the show and also demonstrates some powers that are well beyond anything we’ve seen him do before. Because he sticks to unpopulated areas, we never see him do much damage to Japan, but he is definitely holding all the attention when he’s on-screen. He’s a highlight for me — a total badass who is very unique in his abilities. And the stated origin for his name is goddamn adorable.

Manda — Yup, Manda is in this series... but I don’t have much to say for him. It seems like the creators of the anime didn’t have much to say about him either. His role amounts to little more than a repeated cameo, and in most of those cameos you only ever see his tail. When we finally see his full body, it’s done so briefly and kept at a distance, leaving me with no real impression. I had to look up his design online and... yup, that sure looks like Manda. Final score: MEEEEHH.

Kumonga — I definitely did not see this appearance coming! Kumonga is much smaller here than you may be used to, but she gets to star in the most suspenseful sequence in the series and easily earns the most exciting cliffhanger moment at the end of an episode. I was utterly glued to the show during her screen time, which comes with a lot of icky twists. Good ones! I honestly like Kumonga here more than I ever have previously.

NEW PHONE WHO DIS

Salunga — Uh, who? This is the one monster that isn’t based on a classic Toho kaiju but instead is a brand-new creation. I suppose that everybody who touches the Toho Kaiju franchise wants to make their own mark on it in some regard. But a big part of the fun of this series for me personally was the anticipation of seeing new interpretations and designs of classic Toho monsters. And so, given that he kind of resembles both Baragon and Gabara, I never stopped wishing they’d just used one of those guys as the basis and namesake. Taken on his own, however? He’s... pretty neat. Not unique or exciting, but solidly above par. He resembles a cross between a lizard/dinosaur and an ape, plus his head has some nifty coloration.

Our Jaguar!

Jet Jaguar — I guess Jet Jaguar isn’t exactly a kaiju in the traditional sense because he’s a Giant Robot. However, if you want to consider him one, then I wager he probably gets even more screen time than Rodan! We meet him almost immediately when the series begins. Initially an odd pilot-driven robot that was constructed at the whim of a quirky old factory-owner with too much disposable income, Jet Jaguar grows and changes over the course of the show, ultimately undergoing a transition in episode 7 that makes him pretty damn impossible to dislike. In fact, I utterly adored him by then. This is definitely the best Jet Jaguar I’ve ever seen. His design is recognizably similar to the original yet utterly distinct, too. Like many of the other kaiju here, he’s not nearly as big as he was when he was first introduced to the movies, but his size is ideal for battling the smaller-scale monsters that we spend most of the series on.

#godzilla #godzilla singular point #anime #anime reviews #kaiju

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aromantic-romance-writer · 4 years

Text

Muichiro Tokito x Fem! Student! Reader

[A KnY AU: Bounded By a Forgotten Past]

School works, why must you delay this post-

Modern and Spirit AU??? :33

I recently rewatched Studio Ghibli's "Howl's Moving Castle" and "Spirited Away" and my childhood is-

:'3

So I had this idea :DD

Enjoy!

WARNING: it's a very long read ahead!

You stare up at the tree-covered hill. Was it a hill or a mountain? It wasn't particularly tall nor short, so you weren't sure. What you were sure is that that big mound of earth was never here before.

"[Y/N]! What's the hold up?" One of your friends called as you realized they were already several meters away from you.

"Hey, this mountain or hill, has it always been here?" you eye the mound with your hands on your hips, tapping your foot. "Didn't we pass a field yesterday? And the other day before that? And the two years we've been passing here?!"

Your friend runs back to you to look at whatever you're looking and gave you a weird look. "What hill? It's the same field we walk past every day."

You snap your head back at her with a dumbfounded expression. "Do you not see this??" you give her big gestures pointing the hill.

She sighs heavily. "Whatever prank you're pulling off, it's absolutely stupid and humiliating. Come on! I don't want to miss dinner!" she grabs your arm and pull you away, you gave the hill (or mountain, but you decide to call it a hill now) one last look before struggling to keep up with your friend.

You were very good at reading expressions and can sometimes guess what people are thinking. It was helpful at times, but it was mostly annoying. You laugh bitterly as you try to erase your friend's deeply annoyed face.

As you stagger back to your group of friends, a pair of pale mint eyes were watching you in great interest. The empty eyes, for the very first time in decades, shimmered with curiousity.

° ° °

The next day, you decided to leave earlier than usual for school. You were determined to check if that suspicious hill was still there and you weren't gonna let any of your friends drag you away again.

You slip into your shoes and ran outside to take the usual path, greeting familiar faces as you run past them. You finally reach the hill and stopped running, gasping for air. You regain yourself and wipe the sweat from your forehead.

So it's still here. You knew you weren't hallucinating. You walk closer to it as you reach out your hand. You feel the prickly grass on your palm. You hear a rustle from one of its trees and quickly look where it came from.

"Maybe a bird or something..." you assure yourself. As you scanned the hill, your eyes widen in surprise. Were these stone steps here before?

They were covered in moss and some small weeds. What the hell is happening? Maybe you are hallucinating. Is it because of that bun you ate that was a day expired? But you've been doing that a lot now so why is this happening?

The stone steps seems to lead all the way to the top. You hover your hand over your eyes to dull the sunlight as you look up to the top of the hill.

Is that mist?

It's not even that early in the morning. And surely it's not tall enough to reach a cold temperature. All those trees definitely didn't do that.

"Gah, all this investigating is giving me a head ache..." you massage your temples and decided to leave this problem in the afternoon, knowing better since you still have the whole day studying. You gave the hill one last look before walking away.

The breeze swayed his black to mint gradient hair. He watches your figure getting smaller until it disappears.

How intriguing...

° ° °

"Yup. It's still here." you tell yourself as you scan the hill.

It was pretty late in the afternoon and the school day finally ended. You skipped [Fave Hobby] club and escaped cleaning duty. You barely escaped from your friends as well. No use bringing people who are blind to this.

The stone steps were still there. You stare at the steps skeptically. Are you really willing to waste your afternoon investigating this thing?

You noticed that the mist at the top have become thicker, immediately answering your question. Nervous, you take in a deep breath and took a step forward. The step was solid. You smile to yourself proudly and continued to walk up the steps. The taller you go, the thicker the trees are. The mist was also starting to form.

You soon start to feel your legs wobble in exhaustion. You must be out of shape since it's the hill isn't really too tall. The mist was thick now, but you notice that the trees are getting thinner. You must be close to something, whatever it is. If you find out there's nothing at the top, you'll freak-

Then you found a shinto shrine. The trees beyond the shrine were a different species, and immediately recognize that they're ginkgo trees. Its leaves were the colors of autumn and pretty much out of season. The fallen leaves were scattered around, but it doesn't surpass the shrine, like an invisible force field to prevent it from crossing to the normal world. It was such a peculiar sight to see yellow colored ginkgo trees in the middle of April.

What the hell.

You get closer to the dusty shrine. It was covered with cobwebs. You spot something engraved on its right side. You wipe the dust off with your hand and read the kanji.

"'Nothing'...?"

"Exactly. There's nothing."

You jump in surprise and turn around too quickly, losing your balance. Someone grabs your arm before your face meets the floor. You regain yourself and sighed in relief. You thought you were gonna have a flat nose by tonight. You swivel around to see a boy who is shockingly already a few feet from you beyond the shrine. He was staring at his hand. His face was so blank, you don't really know what he's thinking or why he's looking at his hand like that.

How could he have such a deadpan expression?

The boy looks like he is younger than you. His hair had raven locks that turned mint in the ends. He was pale and is wearing a cream colored yukata with patterns that are shaped like mists. He's barefooted and had an empty scabbard hanging from his waist.

"E-excuse me!" you call out, snapping the boy out of his thoughts. He stares at you without a response.

You felt awkward. What was he doing here?

"You should leave." the boy says a bit crossly. "Before the sun sets."

You blink a few times. Is someone younger than you telling you to leave? You wanted to coax him about changing his tone and to be more respectful, but upon realizing that the sun was starting to set, you decide to leave him be.

You hesitantly bow and quickly descend the hill. The boy watches you from behind and like always, he waits until your figure disappears. He walks towards to where you stood. The triangle headwear he wears must have fallen when he saved you from falling humiliatingly.

He picks up the hitaikakushi and ties it around his head. He stares at his hand again. His hand that was able to grab you. His hand that didn't come through you.

He sighs, feeling stupid once again. He knew very well that he could not touch humans, yet his body is automated to help someone in need. What happened earlier was different though.

Much much more different.

° ° °

It's finally the weekend, and you were cursing at yourself for deciding to go back to the mountain again. You decided with a flip coin, since you weren't really sure whether you should visit the mysterious boy or not.

"He must be a yurei or something, so why do I even bother...?" you sigh almost jokingly to yourself and shoved your hands in your pockets.

You soon find yourself at the foot of the hill. The steps were still there. The other day they weren't, you were sure. Perhaps the boy can do that? Make things appear and disappear in his territory, if he was some kind of spirit.

You notice the mist have reached the base of the hill and was much more thicker. The trees danced with the breeze, making you wonder how something that isn't really there be in sync with the world.

"You're back?"

You were snapped back to reality. You follow the familiar uninterested voice to see the same boy from yesterday, leaning against one of the trees. The shade from its leaves barely covered his face, but his pale orbs were bathed in little sunlight as if to purposely give empty eyes some light. His mint orbs shone with such a calm demeanor under the sprinkle of sunlight, you thought no one has ever looked so somber for someone so young.

Then you notice the triangular head piece he's wearing. A hitaikakushi. So he really is a yurei.

"Um, yeah, I'm back..." your voice trails off as he walked closer to you, finally fully bathed in the sun's rays.

His brows slightly furrows. "Why?"

You blink. The first time you saw him, you really didn't get a good look at his features. Seeing him now, his hair flowing through the wind while the sun acted like a spotlight, you see him clearly.

Oh my god, he looks like an absolute angel.

You gulp as you thought you were getting hazy. "I, well, uh-"

"You shouldn't be here." he turns his back to you and starts to walk up the steps, the mist seemingly following him like a servant following its master.

"Didn't you invite me?" you voiced a question even though the sight of the mist following his shadow was so fascinating to look at. "The other day there weren't stairs here..."

He stops to give you a brief look. And in that millisecond before walking away again, his eyes flickered with slight shock. You grin to yourself and followed him up the hill.

The boy admits to himself that you were right; he did 'invite' you to his home. He can't help but get curious about a human seeing him for the first time. What's more, he can touch you. Though he doesn't admit one thing.

He feels lonely.

Spirits shouldn't feel lonely. Spirits shouldn't feel anything. Spirits should go to the afterlife, yet he's still here. He remembers nothing of his past or when he was still living, not even his own name. One day, he just awoke on a tall hill with yellow ginkgo leaves surrounding him.

He tried his best to spend his days alone remembering who he was, but to no avail, and decided to give up. He assumed that because of his lost memories, he's still roaming the Earth. The only piece of memory he has is this empty scabbard, and have justified that he was a swordsman at such a young a age. Whether a professional or not, he just knows he's a swordsman.

You see him stop by the shinto shrine. You were still entranced at the sight of the cluster of ginkgo trees beyond the shrine as it danced with the wind with a grace so majestic to you.

"You came to confirm that you're not a lunatic hallucinating things, right?" he says with a flat tone in his voice. "You've seen everything that you can see, now leave."

You consider his question. "It just made things more confusing though..." you mutter to yourself.

But he heard and turns to you, expression unchanging. You catch his eye and quickly tensed under his gaze. It's not that he's intimidating - okay, he is, only because it's like he's some kind of robot. Solemn and somber and deadpan were the only words that can describe his features. It's making it hard for you to read him.

He averts his gaze, startling you just a little. "Then, you can come back whenever..." he huffed. "...just until you're not confused about this anymore."

You stare at him for a moment. His eyes were darting everywhere but you, and he was fiddling with his fingers. What's with the sudden change in reaction? Not that you were complaining. He looked so adorable this way.

You suppressed a grin. "Then I'll be back tomorrow." You almost forgot why you were here, but either way it doesn't really matter as long as you'll come back tomorrow.

You descend the hill as the boy watched you gradually getting smaller until you disappear from his sight. Just like he always have.

He pouts at himself. He shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't come back here. Convinced that it's best for him to be alone, he called himself a nincompoop under his breath. But he had a feeling that even if he hadn't said that, you'll still come back. Your eyes were straightforward about it.

° ° °

You've been visiting him for the next few days. During weekdays, you'd visit him after school. He doesn't really talk when you ask him simple questions. He didn't seem like he was annoyed by your presence though. Right before the sun sets, he would ask you to leave, and you didn't know why. You were persistent, enough to surprise the boy.

Seriously, inviting me here but then you're not conversing?

One day, he couldn't bare to ignore you for much longer. He was at his usual spot at the foot of the hill. He was patiently waiting for you as he leaned on the tree. This time, he's gonna answer your questions. Well, at least he'll try. He was as clueless as you are, as to why and how he's here.

He closes his eyes, concentrating on the breeze that was passing through him. Though a spirit, his body was reacting to the world naturally. His hair would sway in the wind, the sun would shed light on his eyes, and recently a human girl can touch him.

He opens his eyes to stare at his hand. He recalls the time he caught you before idiotically tripping. Your skin was delicatem as well as warm to the touch. For a moment, he felt alive and breathing. Breathing the same fresh air of mid-spring.

The sound of light footsteps. His gaze landed on your shadow that was increasing in size as you walked closer. Finally, his eyes met yours that shimmered in slight surprise. Your shocked look slowly turned into a warm smile.

In that millisecond of a moment, he saw someone else. A boy with the same heart-filled smile. It was only for half a second, but he saw how kind the boy's smile was. Such kindness would make anyone cry.

"Hey, are you okay?" you were sitting across him and were waving your hand in front of his face.

He finally snapped back and stared back at you. For a spirit, he was already pale. But he was paler this time. His eyes were filled with mixed emotions - so many emotions you couldn't count. But these emotions stood out the most; Shock. Disbelief. And fear.

"What's wrong?" concern growing, you inched closer to him. He turns away, a gesture for you to stop. And so you did. He blinked a few times and heaved a deep sigh before turning back to you. Once again, his eyes were empty and his expression was deadpan.

"It's nothing."

You wanted to ask again, but given his expression you decided no to pry. For a while, you stayed in your position as you continued to scan his face. His features were clearly blank again as he was staring at the ground. But there's always something more to that unchanging expression he always wears. What could he be thinking?

"Questions..." he starts in a soft whisper.

"Huh?" You tilt your head. He raised his gaze to level with yours.

"I'll try to answer questions..." His voice was much louder now. You knew what he meant and nod with your lips tugging into a small smile. He looks away and taps the grass beside him. You gladly moved to sit beside him.

You had so many questions. You wonder which you should ask first. "Ah! I don't really know your name yet. For starters, what's your name?"

He stares up at the sky for a few seconds before responding. "I don't know. I don't remember."

"Oh...did you lose your memories?"

He nods. "Then you don't remember anything from when...I mean, your past?

He nods. You frown. So either way, none of your questions will be answered then? Well maybe questions about the present, he can answer.

"Why are you here? Why am I the only one who can see you?"

He gives it a thought. "I don't know."

You sigh, frustration building up inside you. The anticipation of finally knowing what's going on faded away in a dissatisfied manner.

He sees you, and stared st the ground once more. "...but I think it's because I don't remember anything. That's why I'm here."

You can sense his effort of trying to communicate, and you appreciate it.

Maybe continuing to visit him isn't the worse idea?

"Sorry." he apologised. You knew what he meant. You visit him everyday so you can get some answers, and now that he's finally talking, you were left with absolutely nothing.

But maybe nothing isn't so bad?

° ° °

He is very confused.

That day, he couldn't answer your questions in the end. But you still visit him. What's your goal?

You would talk about how your day went and sometimes even bring snacks. You knew very well he can't eat, yet you still bring these delicious foods with you.

You're so mean.

It's not like he's complaining though. He doesn't admit it, but he starts to adore your presence more and more. He was quiet, watching you go on and on about your day. It was a refreshing sight.

Other than that, he's been getting these flashes from his past more often. They come in bits and pieces so it doesn't really add anything up. He would see his own hands holding a sword, unfamiliar faces, another him, and the most mysterious and confusing ones are the flashes of huge pillars inside a seemingly endless room all lined up. He was sure there were other people in the room as well, but this one person with long hair doesn't reveal his face.

He was certain that you would be able to set him free. Is fate finally giving him a favor and sent you here? Or is it the other way around.

"Hey so..." your voice was unsure. He's never heard that tone from you before. "...a guy asked me out on a date. I'm not sure if I should go. I told him I'll give it a thought..."

The way your hand played with your earlobe and looking at the ground embarrassingly, were you asking for his permission?

He blinks cluelessly. "A date?"

You realize and chuckle at him and yourself. "Right. You probably don't know what a date is, huh?" he nods. "It's when a girl and boy go out and do all sorts of fun alone together. They would talk and eat and stuff...but usually when it's only because they-"

"But aren't we doing that now?" he cuts you off. He almost sounded upset. You were staring at his innocent face as you felt your face getting hot. "You're already on a date with me everyday, so you shouldn't go."

"You're havung fun with me around?" the question simply slipped away, and you got redder when you realized. His eyes widened a little and somehow his cheeks were slightly dusted pink. He looks away and hummed softly.

You smile. "I guess I'll tell him no then." he seemed to slightly perk up by your response, but his gaze remains away from you.

You knew you had to tell him at some point, that dates are about when two people like each other. But you decide to let it slide for now. You were feeling too warm and fuzzy inside.

The sun was gonna set soon, meaning he'll tell you to leave again. But you wanted to ask him about that before you do.

"Why do you ask me to leave before sunset?" you casually asked while cleaning up.

He was staring at the setting sun. There was an unfamiliar feeling of anxiety and fear in his eyes. But there was also this strong look too. You've noticed that he seems to grip his scabbard absently whenever the sun is almost setting.

"I...don't know." the same answer to you questions, yet answered with a different tone in his voice.

You thought for a moment. Then you remember about you grandfather telling you stories from his time as a young kid. The mosters prowling at night in search for human flesh, the hunters who possess immense strength and abilities to take those monsters down, and the end and start of it all.

"You told me you were long dead..." you started. You try to search for the words, but there was no sugarcoating it. "...then you must know about the demons, right?"

Upon hearing the word, flashes of different faces printed on his mind all at once. Sharp teeth, eyes cravung for bloodlust, claws that can easily rip your heart out - they were all different people but with the same description. Finally, the last one was longer - the long haired man with no face finally has one. Intimidating six eyes were starung right at him.

He almost lost his composure if it hadn't for you. He realized he was as stiff as a board and finally relaxed once he felt your touch. You grabbed his arm with worry that he wasn't responding to your calls.

"Are you okay?" you asked.

He absently gripped your hand that was holding unto him and pulled it away, just to hug you tight. You were surprised with the action (and his strength for someone with a small build). You were really getting worried.

As you were about to say something, he spoke first. "...I want to protect you. Let me protect you."

"Protect me from what?" he only hugged you tighter. You didn't know what and why is this happening. You also don't know about his past was about. Heck, you don't know anything about him at all.

You stare at his scabbard. He was a swordsman, that's for sure. Maybe it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you knew who he was or what he's been through - you know him as the boy who is hugging you right now. That matters.

You slowly wrap your hands around him as you were engulfed with the last but of sunlight left. "Alright." you brush through his hair and he immediately relaxes in your arms. You don't know it, but happiness was bubbling from his chest.

° ° °

It was just another usual day. Another school day have ended and you were heading to the usual hill where he lives. Sometimes, you end up daydreaming while walking but every time you find yourself at the foot of the hill already. It's like your body was automated. Thinking back when there wasn't any magical hill yet, you just head straight home. Your mom would say to have fun with friends and go somewhere after school, but you just weren't the type to do that. You chuckle at yourself.

You realize that you've arrived and saw the boy standing straight with his fists clenched. When you met his pale eyes, you couldn't believe what you were seeing.

His eyes gleamed with hope and excitement. He wasn't trying to hide it. His deadpan expression was replaced by excitement and impatience, and you admit it was foreign to you. But it was a sight you can never forget.

"What are you doing standing there?" he breathed, barely hiding his emotions. "I have a lot to tell you."

"Wow! So you had a twin?"

He nods vigorously. He continues to tell you of his memories with a happy look on his face. It's been like this everyday now. You weren't the only one talking anymore. You were exchanging stories; stories of your lives, stories of the past and the present.

"I was a demon slayer too! A high-ranking one at that." he stares at you with a proud look on his features.

"Really?" you stare back at him in awe. "You're so young though! What else do you remember?"

"That's all I remember today. I'll tell you more if anything else comes up!" he says cheerfully. But soon, his expression softened as his gaze seemed to pierce through yours without him realizing. "[Y/N]...are you happy for me?"

You held your breath, completely off guard. You hadn't forgotten what he said before.

"If I get all my memories back, I might finally move on. I'll be free."

He said that just a few days after you've met. Now, it's been weeks. Of course you should be happy for him. After so many years, he's this close to finally move on from the world who couldn't see him, realize that he was still there. But then he'll be far from your reach. He'll get farther and farther until you couldn't grasp him anymore.

You smile, forcing yourself to remember what he wants. "Of course I am! You'll finally be free!"

He nods at you. Before meeting you, it bothered him that he's alone in the world. No one can see him - the whole world can't see him. And such loneliness is absolute torture for a spirit of a child. Though an elite swordsman of the past, he's still a young boy. A young boy who then meets a young girl of the present. You were cheerful, kind, and loveable. You were also a bit clumsy and a tease, but those were the qualities that made him feel alive even just for the afternoon where you spent time with him. For the first time, he didn't care if the world couldn't see him. You turned into his world already.

And for the first time, he wished he would forget.

° ° °

Tiem flew. Months passed. By now, the boy has probably remembered everything. Everything except his name. He didn't mind though.

"Hey! There's a summer festival today!" you visited him in the morning to inform him of the annual summer festival happening in your neighborhood. "I promise to bring in lots of prizes today! And maybe some food." you barely hid your cheeky grin.

"Stop teasing me with food I can't eat!" he pouts at you. You laugh and ruffle his hair, giving his heart an unusual skip. "But didn't you say that festivals are the best at night?"

You smile brightly, happy that he remembered what you said. "Mhm! That's why I'll be back before sunset."

"Watching fireworks are the best when you're with someone."

That day, you did visit again before sunset. You were wearing a [F/C] kimono that was decorated with flower patterns and your hair was tied in a loose bun. All he could do was stare at you as he blushed.

"S-stop staring too much..." you mumble, but he hears and apologises.

You sit beside him and told him what you saw. You showed him the prizes you won from winning games, and flaunted the delicious snacks you brought (resulting a drooling spirit).

After all that, everything finally calmed down. You were both waiting for the fireworks display to start. You were right at the entrance of the shinto shrine. Beyond it, the autumn ginkgo leaves seemed to shimmer slightly under the soft moonlight. You never stepped foot beyond this shrine because he advised not to. The way he told you, it was obvious that it was his haven. It was where he feels safe and at peace. A few days after first meeting him, he sits in the middle of the pile of leaves and stares at the sky. Now he doesn't. Does that mean he can feel at peace with just by being with you now?

"[Y/N]! Look!" he points at the sky and you follow; different colored fireworks exploded in the star filled sky. Its light reflected on your features that showed awe and happiness.

The boy next to you, however, weren't watching the dancing lights in the sky. He was watching the girl beside him who's completely absorbed in the beauty of the fireworks. He feels the same way as you, only it wasn't towards the fireworks.

It was towards you.

Then, a flash. He grabbed his head in pain. This was clearly a memory; but why does it hurt?

He sees a man - he was blind. He was wearing a black kimono with a white kimono jacket that had purple and pink mist like patterns that starts from the end of his jacket. He wore the smile like Buddha. A calm aura radiated from him. They were in a room and he seems to be lying down. The man was sitting beside him and was saying something, but he wasn't audible. Until-

"You will get your memories back...

...Muichiro."

Then he was back. The memory faded away. He was sitting beside you under the now empty sky. The fireworks display ended. You were calling out his name and was holding him. Your eyes showed nothing but concern and worry. Suddenly, he hugs you. Tears started streaming down his face as he buried his head into your chest. It was gonna stain your kimono, but you didn't care. You didn't know what was going on, and all you could do was hug back.

You stayed like that for what felt like hours. His sobs subdued into quiet sniffles. He held you tighter, as if he was afraid that if he lets go, you'll disappear.

"...Muichiro." he muffled. He looks up at you, eyes sore from crying. "M-my name..."

You widen your eyes in realization. You start combing his hair with a smile, but tears were forming in your eyes. "Muichiro...it's a nice name."

"Don't lie!" he says and breaks away from you. "Don't smile like that!"

His words broke your heart.

"Don't tell me you're happy! Because I'm not!" he yells. He stands up, staring at the ground. "I'd rather forget everything again and stay here with you!"

He was crying again. No, of course you should be happy. But you can't help your feelings. You don't want him to say that; he doesn't mean it. And if he does, you should stay strong for him. He needs to be set free. You stand and hug him tenderly. He gives in quickly and hugs you tight. You couldn't find the words. You knew you should change his mind. You don't want him to disappear while he feels like this.

A sudden breeze, then a strong wind. The ginkgo leaves were flying, circling around you. Soon, the mist joined in. He hugs you tighter, but even when he did, his grasp and warmth was gradually fading. You cupped his face in both of your hands and gave him the warmest smile despite the tears.

"Muichiro, I like you."

His eyes widened. He knew what those words meant. It wasn't a simple confession. You were telling him to go. You were telling him that it was okay and that you'll never forget him.

He smiles back. "I like you too." he holds your hands as your foreheads touched. You shut your eyes tight as the strong wind almost felt like a tornado.

Then you can't feel his warmth anymore. You can't feel his face in your hands. The wind disappeared. You open your eyes slowly.

You were standing on a field. As if the hill was never there. You stare at your hands, before falling on your knees.

As tears streamed down, you still smile. "Muichiro..." you whisper. His name meant 'nothing', but his whole existence was the opposite of that. Despite his name, you knew he lived a happy life. And hoped that his time with you was just as happy.

He was born to be happy.

#demon slayer #demon slayer muichiro tokito #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba muichiro tokito #kny muichiro tokito #muichiro #muichiro tokito #muichirou tokitou #muichiro tokito x reader #demon slayer muichiro tokito x reader #kny muichiro tokito x reader #kimetsu no yaiba muichiro tokito x reader #muichirou tokitou x reader #demon slayer muichirou tokitou x reader #kny muichirou tokitou x reader #kimetsu no yaiba muichirou tokitou x reader

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dokidokivisual · 3 years

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Gochiusa BLOOM episode 3 impressions

Previously: episode 2, episode 1 (seriously, the number of notes on ep 2 review is too low...)

Welcome to another review of Gochuumon wa usagi desu ka? BLOOM. In this episode, the series explores a topic it rarely touched previously, which is school life. Unlike many similar slice-of-life series, Gochiusa rarely concerned itself with such a mundane setting, preferring the ambience of cafés and cobblestone streets. There were a few exceptions, such as the first half of season 2 episode 10, but this is the first episode fully dedicated to a school setting.

Another distinguishing trait of Gochiusa is that the group of main characters attends not one, but several different schools. In particular, there are two high schools: a “normal” one attended by Cocoa and Chiya, and an “elite” one attended by Sharo and Rize. Moreover, there’s a group of middle school characters on the verge of graduating. As such, the question of which high school will Chino, Maya and Megu eventually choose was bound to come to the forefront at some point. And that’s exactly what happens in this episode.

There’s a lot of interesting stuff to discuss, so let’s get down to business...

The episode opens with a shot of Aoyama Blue Mountain on a boat, which also appears in the beginning of season 1 episode 1. By the way before COVID you could totally ride a boat like this in Colmar. Just watch your head...

Yeah, this is under the bridge from season 2 ED. Filmed by me.

Anyway, I’m being sidetracked. What’s important is that this is the only shot where you could tell it’s morning, because of the angle of the shadow from the bridge. It is indeed morning, and we see Cocoa and Chino walking down to school. Seems the summer vacation is over and it’s already September? Cocoa, the self-described pikka-pika no onee-chan, tries to coerce Chino into committing to enter the same high school as her, while Chino is not sure about that. We’ve seen Chino being unsure about her future as recently as this season’s episode 1, and in regards to the high school choice the time for a decision is quickly approaching.

Soon we see Maya and Megu who are facing the same decision. Megu seems to have already decided on what Maya derisively calls the gokigenyo school. The greeting gokigenyo (ご機嫌よう) comes from the word “kigen” (機嫌) which means “mood”, and can be literally translated as “how do you do”. However the same word is also used as farewell, which often causes troubles for translators.

The concept of “gokigenyo school“ has been popularised by the light novel and anime series Maria watches over us (Marimite), which is also one of the most influential works of the yuri genre. This concept has also been parodied a number of times, for example in the excellent episode 5 of Flip Flappers.

Megu manages to convince Maya and Chino to come with her to a tour of this school, and we get a close-up of Maya hinting that she’s definitely hiding something.

Meanwhile at Cocoa’s school, the class president declares the theme of the cultural festival being “cafe”, and puts Chiya and Cocoa in charge of it, because they work at a cafe. It seems that Chiya is considered to be more dependable than Cocoa by her classmates, since she got a higher rank. Nevertheless, it is Cocoa who mostly delivers the speech to fire up the other students.

Note the usage of Chinese tally marks to tally the votes. The five strokes comprising the character 正 (”truth”) equate 5 votes. This method is popular across East Asia, even in Korea where Chinese characters are no longer used.

Also I’ve seen a lot of people were confused by the inclusion of “sex museum” as one of the proposals, which is how 秘宝館 (hihokan) has been translated by the official subtitles. This word, which literally means “the hall of hidden treasures” has been used by various establishments of this type in post-war Japan, however only few of them remain open now. I think “sex museum” is a bad translation because, while technically correct, it breaks mimesis, or in simpler terms, immersion. The English translation is so blatantly inappropriate that it would never make it onto this blackboard, whereas the Japanese word is obscure and innocent-looking enough that it just might. A better translation would be “adult museum”, in fact that’s what the most well-known hihokan, Atami Hihokan uses for its English title.

As proof of each other’s ability, Cocoa mentions Chiya’s triple tray wielding skill (お盆三刀流 obon santoryu) which has been demonstrated in season 2 episode 1. Chiya brings up Cocoa’s “basking in the sun” (日向ぼっこ hinatabokko) attitude which supposedly makes her popular among customers. This is a reference to season 2 episode 5 where Rize says Cocoa always either practices latte art or basks in the sun.

On the way back from school, we learn that Chiya is actually scared of the responsibilities placed on her, and her dream of becoming the president of Ama Usa An franchise (which has been mentioned in s2e1, s2e9 and maybe other episodes I forgot) might be ruined because of this. Cocoa consoles her, again showing her motherly side.

Back at Rabbit House, Cocoa explains how the upcoming festival will be exciting (wakuwaku) and fluffy/cuddly (mofumofu). This is one of several times Cocoa uses silly onomatopoeia to describe something in this episode (aforementioned pikkapika onee-chan and describing her school also as mofumofu in a latter scene). Interestingly, all of these lines are anime-original, and at this point seems like an intentional effort to make Cocoa speak in a more eccentric manner.

In the next scene Sharo becomes angry at Chiya for keeping secrets from her, and blows her cheeks, which makes her turn into a Fugu fish, according to Chiya. Fugu is famous in Japanese cuisine for being a highly poisonous but sought after delicacy, however in this case the comparison has to do with the tendency of a live fugu (as well as other pufferfish) to inflate its stomach, giving it an almost spherical appearance to deter predators.

Next there’s another anime-original CocoChino scene where Chino asks Cocoa about what her school is like. This is my favorite part of the episode because it’s just so adorable. Like, even the fact that Cocoa is drying Chino’s hair with a towel after bath shows how close they became. The direction and the delivery of the dialogue is masterfully executed. Cocoa would be really hurt if Chino chooses any other school, and Chino knows that. But Chino can’t admit she’ll choose her next school because of Cocoa, at least not yet.

Now we move on to the main plot of the episode, which is Chimame visiting Rize and Sharo’s school. Like I said in the preview, this episode covers chapters 10 and 11 of the volume 5 of the manga, which in-universe occur at the same time. However while it fully covers (and has the same title as) chapter 10, only the first half of chapter 11 is included. So about 2/3 of the episode are dedicated to the story of chapter 10.

Chimame attend a speech by “OG” Mate Rin. OG in this case doesn’t mean “original gangsta”, but “old girl”, which is a Japanese term for female alumni of some school (there’s also OB for men). Chino recognizes Rin as the editor of Aoyama Blue Mountain, and I’m not sure if Maya and Megu ever met her, so they don’t. When Rin recalls a senior who turned her life around, Chino recalls her chance meeting with Cocoa. In particular the phrase deai ga taisetsu (”chance meetings are to be cherished”) sticks with her. On the other hand, Maya seems to be interested in the fact that Rin was recommended for scholarship. Interestingly in the manga, Maya slept through most of the speech.

The senior Rin was talking about was obviously Aoyama and we see that there’s actually a huge bounty placed on her. The currency sign consisting of combined letters G and U wasn’t seen before, with prices usually displayed in yen, but there was a Euro-like sign at an open market at the beginning of season 2 episode 1, which might be a shorthand way to write GU. Either way this currency must have a serious hyperinflation problem as the reward for finding Aoyama exceeds 10 billion GU. In countries affected by hyperinflation, a stable foreign currency is often used to perform economic transactions, which might explain why most of the prices are in yen.

But is there some significance to this exact number? Why, yes, 10/27 is Aoyama’s birthday! It is also the start of “reading week”, which actually lasts 2 weeks, until November 9.

After the speech Megu gets separated from the rest of the group, and the other two also get lost in the vast campus of the school. As seen from the above interior shot of the school, it is also inexplicably rabbit-themed (or maybe just this particular hall is), with golden rabbit statues and also a picture on the left wall with the kanji for rabbit (兎).

Through a series of misunderstandings Chimame end up infiltrating the school with Sharo and Rize providing uniforms for them to blend in. Despite having trouble to behave “ladylike” before, Maya naturally blends in once she treats it as a game, and even gets invited to a tea party. She makes a mistake though by mentioning moyashi (bean sprouts) which is considered a cheap and low-class food, but she’s saved by the fact that the rich girls don’t even know what that is, and Sharo explaining how to prepare it in a fancy way.

Eventually the groups meet each other and Maya reveals she has been recommended for scholarship due to her good grades. Perhaps she also treated her school grades as experience points to gain, as the title of the episode (and the manga chapter) ”The whole world is my experience points” seems to suggest. This is the idea behind a real concept of gamification, by the way.

There’s also a callback to the season 2 episode 8, where Maya asks Rize for advice while Chino and Megu are spying on her. It is worth to rewatch that scene, because it’s full of foreshadowing for this episode. Back then Maya thinks she’s the only one of the three to go to this school, but now she thinks there’s a good chance all three will still go to the same school. Chino doesn’t seem to feel this way though.

In the end we see Cocoa and Chiya joining the group, also wearing the elite school uniforms, which is briefly explained by them gathering supplies for the cultural festival. I guess the next episode will explain how they ended up there. In the manga even the fact that they have a cultural festival wasn’t revealed until this point. Also in the manga fukiya club president, Karede Yura, inexplicably appears for just one panel so that Cocoa and Chiya could thank her, without any lines. In the anime she appears just as (if not more) suddenly, however there’s some foreshadowing with her inviting Rize to a tournament earlier, and she gets quite a few speaking lines.

If you listen closely there’s a funny sound effect as she looks at Rize, and then at Sharo. I really liked her design since her first appearance in the manga, and Koi probably does too, as her role has greatly increased in the recent chapters. Consequently her single-panel background appearance has been expanded as well in this episode, she got her full name mentioned in the credits, and there’s even a Karede Yura character song included on the second BD volume (which includes this season’s episodes 3 and 4). All things considered, I fully expect Yura to appear in the episode 4 as well.

The episode ends with Chino looking at the sky with a worried expression. It just hit her that both Megu and Maya are going to a different school than she is expected to go to. As Megu and Maya have a clear path forward, Chino’s future has become even more uncertain, and she feels like the odd one out in the group. Now the part of the ending where Chino is suddenly alone makes sense:

this is basically her imagining the future where Maya and Megu leave her. The coffee cup transition symbolises Chino waking up and seeing that MaMe are still her friends and aren’t going anywhere. We’ll see though...

This time it’s Megu doing latte art in the ending, and the picture is of Chino and Maya dancing. The weird thing is, Megu wasn’t even present at this scene, so how did she draw it in such detail?

Also another random fact I noticed: Chino’s Alice costume actually appeared in the opening of both season 1 and season 2. Here’s a comparison for reference:

Anyway, that was the third episode of Gochuumon wa usagi desu ka? BLOOM and I hope you enjoyed reading my review. See you next week... or so.

#gochiusa #gochuumon wa usagi desu ka?#is the order a rabbit?#review

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five-wow · 4 years

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I have a little crisis going on. My friend saw me checking in on tumblr on my phone a week or so ago and asked me what I was looking at. I told her about H 5-0 and McDanno. She likes gay ships and started watching.When she was finished with season one and had watched the conclusion of the season final she asked me why Danny ditched Rachel in favor of Steve. I told her because he loves him – duh! But I guess she just doesn't feel the vibes for that ship. (1/2)

She told me while she got why maybe Steve would fall for Danny she didn’t understood how Danny could develop feelings for Steve, didn’t even get how they’ve become friends with all the arguing. I know I can’t convince her and I don’t want to.But when I was home again, it got me thinking… and to my sheer horror I nearly came up with nothing (okay, he payed for the dolphin swimming and helped finding Meka’s murderer, was there for the memorial service) but otherwise? (2/2)

Dear god, I don’t know myself why Danny would fall for Steve. I haven’t watched season 1 in a while. Could you please remember me? Sorry for the Long three part ask. (3/3)

OKAY SO. Tragically, I haven’t watched season 1 in a while either, because I still haven’t gotten around to that rewatch I keep saying I should probably do, BUT. HOWEVER. YET.

It might be a bit of a mess, but I’m always ready to ramble about why Danny might fall for Steve. This ended up as nearly 2k words, so I’ll put it under a cut:

I think that a crucial first thing to understand is that when Danny yells, it does not necessarily mean he’s genuinely angry. I definitely get how if you do interpret it that way, the entire show could just kind of look like Danny doesn’t even like Steve very much, let alone loves him. Yelling CAN mean he’s angry, and of course it often DOES mean that, but just as often (or perhaps even more) it overwhelmingly means that he cares. Loudly. Right in your face. (There’s a later episode, 3.15, in which Steve does something heroic but stupid and Danny yells at him afterwards and Steve goes, kind of gleefully, “You were worried about me” and Danny says “Worried? No, no, I was worried about my car” but it’s VERY obvious that he’s lying, like, to the point where that’s the whole joke here. There are probably other instances that prove the yelling-Danny-does-not-mean-a-Danny-who-doesn’t-like-you, but this is my favorite because it’s extremely, blindingly obvious, and the narrative actively wants us to see it that way.)

To jump right in with the deep stuff: Steve offered Danny a job and gave him a family and a place in Hawaii and a purpose and the feeling of being useful, and he did it at a time when Danny was living a pretty miserable existence where even after six months he was still being hazed by the other Detectives for being the haole who wears a tie. Danny tells Tani in one of the very early season 8 episodes that Steve has a way of coming into people’s lives at just the right time, and that he did that for everyone on the team, including Danny. Obviously if you’re watching season 1 you can’t know what’s being said in season 8, but it’s just confirmation of stuff that’s definitely there on screen in season 1, too.

Steve is good at his job. Really, really good, and even if his methods are crazy, he ends up helping people. Danny can be shocked at the means and still appreciate the end at he same time.

Steve’s surprisingly smart, too. A bit of a dork sometimes - Steve with that teacup in 1.10? “I like tea.” NERD. (He’s also absolutely saying that to rile Danny up, and essentially that just means he enjoys arguing with Danny which is SO PERFECT for Danny, who can’t stop it even if he tries. More about that later.)

Steve makes Danny laugh. It may sometimes be a laugh borne out of shock, perhaps even anger, but there’s definitely laughter. (Steve also goes along with Danny’s silly banter and smiles about it - Danny’s “you miss me, don’t you?” when Steve is being a super secret spy on the museum ship in 1.07 and Steve’s “yeah, yeah” and “but you don’t swim” are a wonderful example.)

But then, on top of all of that, Steve is also kind. Of course there’s the hotel room with dolphin swimming he gives Danny as an apology after Danny makes it clear that he thinks he deserves one (which, by the way, still make me scream a little, because everything after that one moment ALWAYS portrays Steve as extremely unwilling to spend a lot of money on anything, even gifts, AND because yes, it’s a way to apologize, but it’s also something that immediately shows Steve gets Danny, because it’s not just for Danny, it’s for Grace! it’s for Danny to have fun with Grace), but he also makes a call to the Governor when Danny has issues with Rachel over visitation rights for Grace, and he does it behind Danny’s back. He comes to Meka’s funeral, not because he needs to grieve, but because Danny is grieving. When Grace and Rachel get car-jacked and Danny has to leave suddenly in the middle of a case, Steve’s immediate response is to tell him to call if he needs anything and then look completely thrown for a moment after Danny leaves. tl;dr: Steve CARES, and Danny, a man who is definitely not stupid, knows this. I mean, it’s not like he has to look far to see it anyway - he experiences it, over and over and over again. (And Steve’s there like this for the whole team, not just Danny, but in season 1 it’s definitely mostly Danny, because after Steve he just has the most problems, poor guy.)

(Side note, that episode I mentioned in which Grace and Rachel get car-jacked and Danny rushes to them? 1.16? Later on, Steve is going full camouflage ninja in the forest on his own and then his phone starts buzzing and he sees it’s Danny and the first thing he does after picking up is ask “are Grace and Rachel okay?” and when Danny then asks about the case he goes “don’t worry about that” to calm Danny down, and they end up having a lengthy conversation about Danny’s problem while Steve is panting trying to hold a log in the air for some very important SEAL reason, but he doesn’t complain a single time or even mention that he’s kind of busy. Danny needs him, so he’s available.)

And I mean, obviously, there’s these: “Maybe you’re not as alone around here as you think, Danno.” “I know you.” “I picked you, didn’t I?”

If I can just circle back around to something we’ve sort of covered: Danny yells a lot. He has a temper. He gets angry. He doesn’t get along super well with most people, and then along comes Steve, who initially INFURIATES Danny to the point where Danny ends up hitting him after they meet, but instead of getting angry back or holding a grudge, Steve is impressed and takes it in stride and still wants Danny to work with him because he sees Danny’s talents, and he doesn’t let himself be intimidated by the attitude. He lets Danny rant and get angry and he argues back but also calms Danny down when needed, and everything we’re shown indicates that he enjoys that dynamic. Essentially, Steve is the ideal partner for Danny, and Steve is also lonely and he’s loyal to a fault and they have a similar sense of humor and their banter flows ridiculously smoothly right from day one and their personalities just click and Steve keeps inviting Danny over for beer and letting him walk into his kitchen unannounced and dragging him into Steve’s classic car for its first test drive, so what do you know? Steve’s also a really great best friend.

Danny says Steve is terrible with kids and then Steve is actually GREAT with Grace. Like, when Danny gets hit with the sarin gas and Steve picks Grace up from school because he knows she’ll be getting out soon and there will be nobody waiting for her? That’s something that you can bet means the world to Danny, because Grace is his world. ALSO, Steve goes to get Grace and deliver her to the hospital personally, even though it’s a ridiculously busy day with two cases to work at once, one of which might lead them to Wo Fat, the killer of Steve’s father, which is Steve’s Huge Tragic Backstory and the thing he’ll usually drop anything else for. Except Grace! (Obviously, if he knew when Grace would need to be picked up and hadn’t done anything about it, that would have been a huge dick move, so you could say he had no choice, but that still means that 1) he knows when and where to pick Grace up in the first place, which shows he cares enough to pay attention to something that he couldn’t have known would ever be relevant until that moment, and 2) he could have sent Chin or Kono or Jenna or Duke or Kamekona or random HPD officers, and he did not do that. He went there in person. He went to get Grace.)

Which leads us neatly here: Steve, a guy with virtually no family left except for one very estranged sister (and an aunt we don’t know about yet and a mother who’s actually still alive, but those can’t really be counted at the end of season 1), is a HUGE FAMILY MAN. What’s Danny’s whole reason for uprooting his life and being miserable five days a week but still feeling it’s totally worth it for those other two days? LOVE OF FAMILY. Danny definitely, 100% can appreciate that quality in other people, and Steve has it, he just had nowhere to direct it for the longest time.

In the same vein, Danny is a True Dad. He sees Steve, this lonely guy who just lost his dad, and in the fandom it’s generally acknowledged that Steve saw Danny and went “yes, this one, I’m keeping this one”, but for all of Danny’s complaining, he also adopted Steve on the spot.Steve needs a Danny so he doesn’t get himself killed (the very first episode immediately hammers this point home really hard), and there’s no way Danny isn’t aware of that on some level.

Also just. Yes, Steve does a lot of things Danny tells him he shouldn’t do. Yes, Steve is an idiot sometimes. But he also listens to the things Danny yells at him, and when it really matters to Danny, he changes his behavior. There’s that apology hotel room, for one, but there’s also that bit in the episode about Meka, Danny’s former partner, where Steve is not entirely convinced that Meka wasn’t a dirty cop even though Danny keeps insisting he can’t have been because he was a good guy, and Danny gets so mad Steve doesn’t believe him that he walks off (“If my word is not good enough for you, then I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he says), so a while later Steve goes after him and he keeps asking questions until he understands what Danny means - you know your partner, you trust your partner, the way Danny trusts Meka is the way Steve trusts Danny and that’s why Danny’s behavior makes sense - and from that point on, he fully has Danny’s back in this crusade to clear Meka’s name, even though there it’s not like there’s suddenly more hard evidence to support it.

So why would Danny ditch Rachel to go chase after Steve? Well, because he knows at that point, no one else might do it, and at least not the unrelenting way Danny will. Because Steve doesn’t have many people and deserves to have someone stick up for him. Because there is zero doubt Steve would do the same thing for him.Because Danny knows that in that moment, Steve needs him more than Rachel does. Because he has to make a choice and he’s inevitably going to regret not being there for one of these people, but apparently, to Danny, getting to Steve is more urgent. Because he’s putting Steve’s needs before his own. Because they’re partners and they’re family and they’re friends and that really, really means something. Because it’s Steve, and he means something.

#mcdanno #*#awesomejesakuthings #ask #talking #season 1

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pluviophile-bookworm · 4 years

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AWAE 1x4 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

By popular demand of no more and no less than 14 people (which is quite enough to convince me), I’m back with another AWAE rewatch - reaction. Today, we’re diving into 1x4, which I don’t really remember anymore so it should be interesting to return to it after all this time. Without further ado, let’s get started:

First of all, I will never stop wondering ( especially now that I’ve seen season 3) why the first season was so dull and grey in terms of lighting. I mean, it’s almost black and white. I think I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again anyway - it was probably because the first two seasons were filmed in winter and the third one in summer, but still - there’s editing to fix that, and some editing was probably done, so it must be a creative choice. It makes some sense considering how bad Anne’s past was and how unhappy the last few days have been, at least from her point of view, but I still find it rather depressing.

Anne’s little song is so cute, and I love her singing - it’s simple and clear and it sounds just like the child Anne’s supposed to be, but it’s also kind of a reflection of what’s going through her mind - she’s still holding on to her imaginary self, Cordelia, but is now accepting herself for what she thinks she is - “strange and plain”. Well, she sure is strange, but there’s nothing wrong with that - it’s beautiful, and she’s certainly anything but plain.

Anne means well, but we all know she’s easily distracted, so I wouldn’t make a promise I couldn’t guarantee if I were her.

For once, Rachel is not really annoying me and she actually has good advice. The best part is, this is straight from the book, and I love me some accuracy to source material. Of course, it won’t be long before Anne’s back in school, and (almost) everything will have changed when she goes back.

“How awful it would be to be in service of those who neglect you or treat you unkindly”... oh gosh, Anne’s dark past is creeping into her fantasies. I don’t like this, I don’t like it at all. She does need school to distract her from her trauma.

The one time Rachel had good advice for Marilla, she isn’t going to follow it. Why do things have to be like this? This episode is depressing. I want Anne out of the house and back in school now. I don’t know why, but I do. It’s like I’m putting myself in her shoes, and, sure, what happened back at school was humiliating enough for her not to want to ever go back, but walking around a little room, stuck within its four walls, gets really depressing after some time, no matter how enjoyable it might be at first.

Yes, Matthew is a kindred spirit, and yes, he knows better than to force Anne to go back to school before she’s ready, but I bet my life he’d never want her to miss out on her education when she has so much potential and has the chance to fulfil it. Especially because he didn’t have the chance to finish his own education and he obviously regrets it.

Anne’s trauma as shown in this episode is too much for me. It should come with a trigger warning. But there is no trigger warning for Anne, and there is no escape. Not when she’s stuck at home, wallowing in her humiliation. She has to get out of there, and her imagination is just not enough anymore because it keeps going back to the worst moments of her life, and those are really bad.

I honestly love Matthew so much. He is the first true kindred spirit. He understands. He understands the most important thing - Anne is not like the others. She needs to do things at her own pace. And right now she’s just not ready to face school again. But she does need company, otherwise she’ll drive herself crazy miserable, like she’s already started to in the scene where she calls out to her imaginary friend Katie Morris. And no, I don’t think Matthew is being too soft with her - I do think, however, that Marilla is being too hard on her. But she’ll get better. We know she does.

As heartbreaking as it was to learn (in a later scene which I remembered just now from my first watch) that Anne hasn’t really been going back to school, I have to give it to her - she does a pretty good job of pretending she went and that she’s going there again.

And there it goes - first, dear little Jerry realises Anne is staying late “at school”, and then who should come by but Diana and Ruby (who is still not on the friendliest terms with Anne, but she’ll come around as soon as Anne decides to try interacting with her again). I mean, Anne must really have thought that even Diana wouldn’t care about her at all, or else it would have been really foolish to believe she wouldn’t ask after her when she didn’t come back to school for so long. Having a caring new friend spoiled Anne’s pretty little plan, didn’t it? How ironic. But it just wasn’t healthy for Anne to isolate herself so completely. And this is coming from me, an introvert who would really have liked to homeschool herself and never see another person outside of family members again after a number of humiliating moments at school. I’m old enough now to realise how detrimental total isolation can be. But Anne is not yet and she’ll have to go through a couple more traumatising moments before she finds joy in school again.

Jerry fixing up his hat and jacket before greeting Diana and Ruby and then being all confident/ sassy/ might I say even slightly flirty with his simple “Hello, ladies”... the sight of it gives me life. The shipper in me would say this is the first tiny glimpse of Derry, but the protective older sister instinct in me, who has witnessed and will never forget the events of 3x8, can only see this as a glimpse of what Jerry has always really been like until Diana’s unjust treatment broke him. He was happy. He was confident. He never thought it was above him to speak to Diana before. He never thought of himself as unworthy of respect and love. What Diana did to him, even if she didn’t mean it, broke him and we’ll never get to see him fully recovered because of some stupid people who decided to cut the series short whenever they felt like it. It’s just unfair. If not to us viewers, then at the very least to Jerry. And that should be enough. #renewawae

“Anne’s too sensitive for this world” - Well, that certainly is true, but maybe it’s actually the other way around. Maybe the world is too insensitive to her. Honestly, why?

Marilla has the face of a parent who has just found out their child has been doing something behind their back... honestly, that face is so scary when you’re the kid, I don’t even want to think about it. Now Anne will definitely be going back to school, whether she likes it or not.

Anne talking about Native names reminds me of her conversations with Ka’kwet in season 3. Yes, she might not be a Cordelia or anything fancy, but just plain Anne, but thanks to who she is, the name Anne now sounds so much more colourful and magical to me. It is not the name what makes you who you are, it is who you are that gives your name its meaning. I firmly believe in that, and I wish Anne would, too. I know she’ll realise that in due time, but it just pains me to watch her speak ill of herself because of what she’s been hearing so many awful people say throughout her life.

Melkita’ulamun. A strong and brave heart. This is what your Native name would be, Anne dearest, at least if Ka’kwet was an elder and had a say in it. And I fully agree with her.

The minister’s visit, and his words that are less than respectful to women, just have to be enough to lead her back to school. So, you can say that, in a way, he did his job well even if he’s not the most admirable kind of person.

And if the minister’s misogynist take on the Bible wasn’t enough to convince Anne that her place really is in school, then Jerry is sure to finish the job. “Boys can do anything they want”, is that what you think, Anne? Well, this boy would much rather go to school than work his butt off to provide for his family, but he’s anything but “lucky” that way. I understand Anne is traumatised by her past, but the last few days that she’s spent outside of school she’s been thinking of nobody but herself, as much as it pains me to say it. She has a lot to learn, and not just from books. Has she never thought about why she could never get a proper education and had to work instead? Jerry’s situation is no better. Well, arguably, he’s a lot better off mentally and psychologically, but Anne is only a couple years behind her peers. Jerry never even had the chance to learn the alphabet. He’s forced to be illiterate in both languages he speaks, and that is so tragic, honestly. But it is about to change, as soon as Anne realises how lucky she is and starts extending her fortune to him as her found little brother.

“I never thought that a wife is what I would be” But you will be, Anne, and not only a wife, but also one that is her husband’s intellectual equal and also “the fond object of [his] affection and desire”. But you can never be that unless you go right back to school and get a proper education, not an education in propriety. Because you can. Jerry was spot on in saying that.

Oh, great. Now Marilla has an identity crisis - an identity crisis at her age! I didn’t even know that was possible. But the minister’s words seem to have made a stronger impression on her than they have on Anne. I hope at least the conversation with Jerry, which is by far my favourite moment from this rather depressing episode, sweeps her in the right direction.

My, is that the fire at Ruby’s house? Now that will definitely shake things up. I had forgotten this episode is the mid-season mark, and the fire happens, of course, around the middle of it. It’s like a new beginning. A phoenix that will rise from the ashes of the Gillis house, changing everyone’s perception of Anne for the better, giving her her second best friend, changing Miss Gillis into the Ruby I know and love with all my heart, getting Anne to go back to school after Marilla, the minister, and Jerry didn’t quite succeed. This is a disaster, but one that was, in the grand scheme of things, for the better.

Gosh, Anne, you’re going to give poor Diana a stroke. But you look like you know what you’re doing, and that’s important.

For about a minute, the most intense minute in the lives of everybody present, everybody is worried about Anne to the point of insanity, but then she emerges from the burning house and tells everybody she’s ok - and as soon as she explains why she ran inside an empty burning house, Jerry makes sure everyone knows what Anne did and that she is a hero.

Diana, for one, thinks Anne is marvellous and brave - and I agree with her. Ruby will learn soon enough. She might not have the best attitude right now, but she will learn. She will get better.

Look at Ruby, crying like a baby about a dress, when Anne only has two of her own and is ready to lend one to a girl who doesn’t even want anything to do with her. Within a single episode, Anne has gone from the selfish one who needs to be taught a lesson in how lucky she is to have what she has, to the one who will teach the selfish one that same lesson. And I know Ruby will learn it soon, too.

“I shall never be dissuaded from my low opinion of him”. Well, a lot of opinions changed after that night. This is one of them, only it will take a little longer than most other things.

Very funny, Billy! Ruby has fallen on her face and all he can do is laugh at her dismay, even though she’s bringing him biscuits. And then we get several layers in this scene. We have Ruby, the damsel in distress, the traditional girly girl; Billy, the misogynistic, “boys are superior, girls belong in the kitchen” type of guy, perpetuating toxic masculinity; Anne, the feminist who could get the job done as well as any boy and better than some; and Gilbert, the gentleman, the embodiment of healthy masculinity. I can see why Ruby is in love with him. Who wouldn’t be? Oh, right, Anne. She’s going out of her way not to meet his eye while he’s doing his best to discreetly look at her without offending Ruby. I see the Shirbert tension is strong from the first episodes on.

“If you were a boy, it would have ended up in fisticuffs.” Oh, it will, soon enough. Billy can’t get away with his behaviour forever. There are, and always will be, enough boys who agree with Anne (not that she needs boys to fight her battles for her), and one day, one of them will snap. I can’t wait to get to that moment. I mean, I am very much an advocate for non-violence, but Billy Andrews deserves some righteous violence directed at him every once in a while.

Oh, this is it! The founding of the Story Club! The beginning of something so beautiful, it’s almost like magic. What am I saying, “almost like”? It is magic. Too bad it, too, will meet its end, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Oh, I see the minister’s words - possibly combined with Billy’s “stay in the kitchen” remarks - have finally reached Anne in the right way. She’s going back to school and the other kids are more than happy to see her. Well, most of them, anyway. I think she was right, though, and if she had gone back the day she was supposed to, she wouldn’t have been received quite so warmly. But what does it matter now? Things are looking up.

To sum up what we saw in this episode: a miserable Anne staying home from school; Anne’s PTSD acting up when she has no education to take her mind off of her horrible past; Matthew is a true kindred spirit #InMatthewWeTrust; Anne homeschools herself away from home, the way education was done in ancient times - surrounded by nature; Jerry’s first on-screen interaction with Diana (and Ruby); some thoughts on Native North American names; a misogynist minister; the tragedy of Jerry having no chance of a proper education; a fire in the Gillis house; a literal fire-forged friendship; the alignment chart of misogynist vs. feminist; the founding of the Story Club; Anne goes back to school to a warm welcome.

#anne with an e #awae #awae season 1 #jnk watches awae #anne shirley cuthbert #marilla cuthbert #matthew cuthbert #in matthew we trust #jerry baynard #rachel lynde #diana barry #ruby gillis #gilbert blythe #billy andrews #moody spurgeon

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

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Med Rewatch Series (#20)

YESSIR. WE MADE IT. I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MADE IT.

Final episode that I’m watching for the rewatch series. Ready to fuck some shit up.

S3 E20: The Tipping Point.

Episode description: Dr. Rhodes second guesses his decision to remove himself from the team of doctors who work to separate conjoined twins.

You’ve gotta be fucking joking right?

okay.

last ava ep that mattered. i’m so excited

let’s get into it.

- ava

- the way nat looks at connor when ava says that he will not be operating

- it’s like no one trusts ava at all?

- yes, he’s emotionally involved, but is that really that good of a thing?

- ava is of sound mind. connor evidently does not think that he is

- why is connor apparently the only one capable of the surgery?

- fuck off. this is why he needs to leave

- so many nat ava interactions. i never expected this. ( i should have. i am dumb)

- ava reminding nat that like, she’s here. right next to them. in this conversation

- nat, to connor: “The cronins are counting on you!”

ava: “They’re counting on the team.” like bitch?

- like it or not, nat also does not believe women should have rights. maybe it’s a manstead thing. no. it’s definitely a med thing.

- i like ethan’s jacket.

- april can shut the fuck up. hypocrite? i smell a hypocrite? (who am I kidding, they’re all over med)

- ethan has the best outfits

- april. the one who preached unconditional love. is like. ‘emily can get fucked. i don’t care.’ i can’t believe it. this is so fucking stupid.

- three weeks ago (literally) will and nat were not on speaking terms. now he’s gonna fucking propose?

- NOBODY ON MED HAS FUCKING BRAIN CELLS

- I always hated how on tv shows, characters get married super soon. it’s so fucking annoying.

- omg bert tried to kill himself holy shit

- ava sighing at connor trying to give input.

- sarah’s dad: “I don’t deserve you.” NO BITCH YOU DON’T. go die

- connor fuck off. stop having to give orders on everything

- yeah, sure. connor emotes in this episode. but what he’s emoting at is going in and fucking stealing a huge surgery

- i can’t believe this is the last episode of med with connor. can’t believes he leaves for mayo clinic at the end of the season... the world we live in...

- YESSS THEY FIND EMILY AT THE ENCAMPMENT. classic angst. honestly. i fucking love it.

- yeah april.

- god this is like. classic angst. old school. back to basics. this is fucking fantastic

- UGHHHH I LOVE ITTTT

- the fuck?

- the mayo guy, and the other doctors are surprised that connor, a surgeon, knows how to do surgery? EXCUSE ME? THE BAR IS ON THE FUCKING FLOOR

- why is everyone so fucking stupid. i’m being serious. watch that scene. it is so stupid.

- ava is... not surprised that connor cut in. i mean. is anyone?

- she almost has that scoffy grin, that she does, under her mask

- okay but like ava’s character growth. instead of being mad that connor’s getting in on the surgery (like she would at the beginning of the season), she’s concerned for his career.

- sarah’s dad is fucking pathetic. i can’t believe sarah’s stuck with him. she deserves so much better

- SHE HAD TO MOVE TO FUCKING TEXAS. COME THE FUCK ON.

- i can’t believe he fucking tricks her into walking him outside. fuck him.

- takes him for a walk and pushes him down a hill

- it’s taking all of my self control not to write something where ava does that

- the way ethan subtly flinches when emily apoligizes. brian tee is a god

- sarah’s dad’s dialogue really makes it seem like he’s gonna murder his own daughter

- the monkeys is a good bit

- HOLY SHIT ITS LANIK

- I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT OKAY DAMN

- he is way different than i remember. i literally never paid attention to him

- ava with her fuckinngggg rolled up sleeves is still fantastic

- ava’s disappointment at seeing connor meet with the mayo clinic guy. most rh*kker thing we’ve seen all season. and yeah, i’m including the one night stand. there’s a special kind of upset you get at seeing someone you love leave and move far away. it’s not really the same as losing someone who’s just a friend. that’s why i say it’s the most rh*kker thing.

- of course, i am still keeping them platonic, so going off of that. ava is thinking that she is about to lose the only person she’s gotten close to in the last seven months. of course she’s going to be upset

- (in the rewrite this loss is not as much of a problem bc in the rewrite she has reese)

- also that surgery was so anticlimactic fuck off. this episode is fucking boring. my favorite part is probably the emily reveal. i’m a sucker for some sibling angst

- is he really going to propose. off of that? her being mad at him. you’ve got to be fucking joking.

- HOLY FUCKING SHIT APRIL IS THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON. SO FUCKING CONDESCENDING? “She’s damaged, you can’t fix her.” SHE’S TALKING DOWN TO HIM. this is so fucking infuriating

- i cannot believe this i cannot believe this i cannot believe this she’s fucking breaking up with him bc he cares about his sister. the sister she told him to care about?? holy fuck, I can’t

- WILL IS SO FUCKING DUMB

- YOU CANT PROPOSE TO HER WHEN SHES MAD AT YOU

- YOU ALSO CANT PROPOSE TO HER BC YOU ARE FUCKING TOXIC

- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???

- he is so fucking dumb oh my god

- connor looking out, pensive over the parking lot. why is everyone on this show so fucking extra

- tell me why ava’s casual clothes is a button up. ma’am.

- back at it with the snippy one liners

- she looks so sad? baby noooo.

- i can’t. my heart can’t.

- there’s a lot to unpack in this scene

- i don’t really know why she starts out looking so sad?

- let’s chalk that up to her being tired, and channeling her little energy into feigning annoyance at connor. but then, as she keeps speaking, keeps thinking, she taps into this deep seeded feeling of indignance. real annoyance at connor’s bullshit.

- connor returns ava’s initial comment, which at this point is still kind of light and teasing, with another sly line, trying to brush it off.

connor: “You give me too much credit.”

ava, tucking her tongue in front of her teeth in that way when you don’t believe what someone’s saying: “Do I?”

- next, she says “you’re ambition strikes me as boundless.” I really have no clue what to make of that/

- then she says “I don’t know what to think.” shaking her head, shrugging. at a loss. why? is it bc she can’t figure out what he is/was trying to do? she can’t understand him anymore?

i think it’s ‘she was surprised by what he did, but she’s mad at herself bc honestly, she shouldn’t have been’. she thought he had changed, when he pulled himself off the case. thought he had gained some humility (finally, finally given ava her one moment in the sun to shine). and then he goes back on it almost immediately.

yeah. that’s what it is. she’s surprised, but mad bc she shouldn’t have been.

- she says “but I’m sure you also secured yourself an attending position” as like a slight jab. not really meant to be cutting, but then his reaction ruins it and makes her realize that something worse actually happened. if connor had responded to it in kind with another snarky comment the moment probably would have been fine

- connor’s “ah, god, ava -” comes off as so fucking insincere.

- ava’s small little “what?”. my heart

- i also think it’s interesting that when she’s thinking things through in the moment really fast, her face changes with her thoughts/emotions, and out of some sort of reflex, she smiles. her first thing is to laugh at the situation, scoff at it

- she’s laughing out of disbelief

- why is she laughing (out of reflex)? because this is stupid. HE DID SOMETHING THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNFAIR AND RECKLESS. AND HE’S GETTING REWARDED FOR IT. LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS. and Ava is the only person to see how unfair it is. everyone else would congratulate him no questions. can’t fucking believe it

- connor asking ava if she would take the offer is so fucking pathetic. he’s asking bc he’s hoping she’d say no, and then he’d finally have his answer to ‘is she in love with me’. the stupidest thing is she says no, which basically means no, i’m not in love with you, AND HE STILL TURNS IT DOWN. WHAT THE FUCK

- boy get some fucking eyes.

- also holy shit i’m just now realizing how cool my idea of connor somehow passing the offer off to her would be in one of my alternate endings of s3. because, he literally asks her is she would take the offer and she literally says she would. so that would be completely in character

- for those of you wondering, in my version, the reason ava wants connor around is bc he’s her only friend. why would it make sense for her to take the mayo clinic offer? did you just trap yourself in your logic

- no, it’s okay, bc if she took the offer, it’s just a reset. it’s not any different, bc she’s in a completely new place, she has time to make more connections. the reason she clung to connor was bc over the seven months, he was the only person she connected with, so she valued him immensely. there’s no reason she couldn’t make another connection at the mayo clinic. it’s perfectly fine.

- connor’s such a fucking simp its so pathetic

- she’s staying for sarah

- why does she start crying? that’s a good question.

- well, for all the reasons we stated before. she’s losing the closest thing to a best friend that she has. it’s sad. it’s alienating. and she’s sad bc she thinks there’s no way that he wouldn’t take the offer

- (bc they’re just good friends. you don’t turn down job offers for good friends. and it’s true. in my version, they are just good friends, and connor takes it. and ava has to deal with being lonely again.)

- (of course, med took a different route.)

- i fucking hate this show. i fucking hate this show so much.

- the last shot of the season is sarah and charles and sarah’s dad and we get one episode of wrap up. med likes their cliffhangers so fucking much.

okay, so. this episode is pretty good for like a branching off point. we see the anxiety ava feels at the idea of connor leaving, which is really good to work with moving forward. I feel like I’ve said enough on all these different topics.

That being said, I have a lot of thoughts, and now that I have the knowledge of what my canon will be, going forward, this is going to be fun.

When I have more ideas, I’ll make more posts.

we’ve set the grounds. this was the final episode. now we look ahead, towards the future of med.

thank you, so much, for sticking with it. <3<3

#chicago med #med rewatch series #the tipping point #mine #i can't believe its done #i can't believe I lasted this long

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