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bluiex · 1 year

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WHOOO SO this is loosely a part of my scarian hero/villain au but you need literally no context besides boatem is a team and a heads up for some medical stuff, enjoy the unrequited grumbo >:) this was meant to be a 500 word challenge but somehow is double that, whoops lmao

also idk why but i wrote it from grian's pov, style change i suppose! _______________

"This will only hurt for a moment." Mumbo says that every time he pulls the IV cart towards me.

I don't know why he bothers, I know it's going to hurt. It hurts every time, him repeating the fact doesn't make me any happier about the situation. Maybe he thinks it'll help me prepare for it, that reminding me of the pain will cue me to brace myself against it.

But I know it's coming. It's Sunday evening, after all, we have a schedule for this. Impulse and Pearl mysteriously left the compound about half an hour ago, as they do every week around this time.

I think they took the new guy with them, too. What was his name again? 'S' something, it started with an 'S'. Hmm… St… Sc… I don't know.

Not that it matters right now. Because this will only hurt for a moment.

Mumbo always looks upset whenever he's strapping my wrists down for this. I don't blame him, I wouldn't like it if I had to do it to him, but it just makes me feel terrible. Like I'm some monster about to lash out at him, simplified down to my bare bones, animalistic instincts.

(That did happen the first time, though, I'm not proud of it. The viscera was horrible. I don't like thinking about it, so I don't.)

Either way, I try not to complain about it too much anymore. It's not Mumbo's fault that I'm like this.

Well.

Actually.

…It's entirely his fault, but not in the way most people think. He didn't mean to hurt me, he didn't mean to cause me any pain. I can't blame him for reacting the way he did, even if it's the exact reason I'm stuck in this chair right now.

He was just so, so, scared.

I try to remember that when the needle goes in. I grit my teeth— less from the pain and more from the anticipation— while Mumbo checks the IV bag for what feels like the millionth time now. He finally sits down, leaning on one of the spare gurneys we have in the medical suite.

"Isn't it bad luck, to rest on a gurney?" I ask, watching his sunken eyes blink open. He's not looking at me, but rather the IV bag; we're both stuck here until it's finished draining.

"Something about predicting your own death," I add, because I can tell he's not listening. Mumbo doesn't listen well when it's Sunday evening.

"For as often as you end up on them, I'd rather not think about that expression," he replies, trying to make light of the situation. Or at least, that's what I think he's trying to do. Mumbo looks tired, as he always does, so it's hard to tell whether it's delirium or sarcasm that he's going for.

He looks at me for a moment, and I stare back. His eyelids are heavy, and he seems to be falling asleep sitting up, but he won't. He never sleeps during this strange, shared moment we're forced to have.

I wish he would sleep when it was Sunday evening, so that I don't have to bear the weight of his guilt on my back. I wish I could run the IV alone, and not be forced to make idle small talk, dancing around the elephant in the room that is my existence.

"I'm sorry," Mumbo says, his eyes drifting from mine to my tied-down wrists. I hate this part of the evening the most, when he apologizes half-way. It's been almost a year of incomplete apologies, you'd think by now he'd have figured out how to finish what he wants to say.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I reply. We both know that I'm lying, but it's the polite thing to say.

"Except I do." Mumbo's getting upset now, I wish I could say I felt the same. It's hard to feel much of anything these days. "And I, I keep trying to fix what I did wrong, but it never comes out right."

He means me. I didn't come out right.

"You were only doing what you thought was best," I say, trying to soften the blow even though I don't want to. I'm too tired to deal with one of his spirals right now, as much as a part of myself wants to lash out at him. It isn't the time, we're both too exhausted to deal with the mess that is us.

"No, no, stop it. Please, stop saying that," Mumbo snaps. He's looking at me properly now, all cross and with a pinched face, and I think I've done something wrong. His eyes have moved beyond empty now, like he's looking through me and talking to someone else.

I think, in his mind, he is talking to someone else.

"Stop trying to say what I did was right, stop trying to protect me from my own choices," he says, but softly this time, like I'm a feral dog who's been scared into a corner. "I messed up, I was selfish and did this because I wanted to feel like I didn't fail you."

"Fail him, you mean." I didn't mean to correct him, but those words have been sitting in my mouth, festering a bitter rot on my tongue since I met Mumbo eleven months ago.

I'm not angry with Mumbo. I'm angry with me. I'm angry with my recklessness, with my stubbornness, I'm angry with a version of myself that the man in front of me would have moved heaven and earth for.

I'm angry with a me who is dead, and I'm angry that Mumbo loved that version of myself so much that he tried to give him second breath. I'm angry that my flesh and blood is from a person who is me, but isn't at the same time, and I'm angry that I'm not him.

Because every Sunday evening, while I'm trapped in a chair with an IV drip I need weekly to keep this stupid, cobbled together body alive, Mumbo's heart won't stop bleeding, and I'm not the person who can patch it up for him.

That person is dead, and I was supposed to be his replacement.

When I opened my eyes for the very first time those months ago, what I saw was a man with all the love in the world for 'me', weeping for joy.

And I don't feel the same for him— or, better said, this version of him doesn't, at the very least. Seems that dying breaks your heart along with stopping it.

I can live with not having him for a partner, but he couldn't. He still can't. And he doesn't realize it, but I can tell. Every time he looks at me, he's waiting for a reply that I can never seem to get right. To everyone else, I'm the spitting image and have the same verbosity as who I used to be, but not to Mumbo.

He looks at me like I'm an experiment gone wrong, and I loath that he's right.

Alright, so maybe I am cross with Mumbo. A little bit. I don't want to be, but I am.

"This will only hurt for a moment." What a horrible lie.

THE POV MAKES THIS ALL THE MORE BETTER HONESTLY Bruh this was SO good. It puts you in his head and makes you feel the emotions more- lvoe it love it love it

#bluie gets an ask poggers #long post

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augustify · 1 year

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Some days feel like this.

11/15/2022

I am so lonley. I spend almost every single day alone until Aster comes home. Most days I dont know what the hell to do with myself. I am bored and I am lonely. Most people work a job throughout their day and come home and relax. Well I am at home all freaking day long. Im tired of doing chores every day. Aster wants this house to look like no one lives in it and nothing gets touched and everything is in its place every single day. Well yeah its comething for me to do everyday but im getting tired of it. Its boring and unfullfilling. I want to get out of this house. I keep thinking about applying for a job but i know I wouldnt last long term anyway. Im also not suposed to while I wait for disability. I think about going into town to find something to do but once I get into town I have no idea what I would do with myself. Maybe go walk at a park or someting but its really cold outside these days. Winter is going to hit hard this year and its suposed to be the coldest winter we have had in awhile. I am just so bored. It makes me miss drinking. Drinking and talking to people. Drinking and escaping the boringness of my reality. But no i dont get to do that because i cause too many problems when i start drinking. Plus i want to be healthy and fit and drinking doesnt help that lifestyle but i dont engange in the healthy lifestyle anyway. I just dont know what to do with myself. I cant find a hobby other than reading that i like but i also dont want to spend every day reading away my life. Thats what my cousin does and she doesnt seem happy either. I mean its cool to read a bunch of books in a week but laying in bed and staying at home and reading all day sounds boring these past few days. She also isnt working and shes bored and lonely a lot too. Apparently we are pretty much in the same boat right now. I want to stop taking my antabuse so I can enjoy some poison every once in awhile. Go to the bar when Aster is asleep. Make friends of my own. She goes to work and at least gets to have some form of social interaction. The only form of social interaction i get is with my dogs and when i go to my families house. Also I play viddeo games and talk to Jason and Richard but thats it. I miss going to the bars. I miss going to the bars. I miss going to the bars. I miss going to the bars. I miss getting drunk. I miss getting drunk. I mis getting drunk. I miss getting drunk. I miss getting stupid with my friends. I miss getting stupid with my friends. I miss getting stupid with my friends. I miss getting stupid with my friends. I dont care that Im 26. I dont care that im 26. i dont care that i am 26. I dont care that i am 26. I cant work anyway so why that hell cant i just enjoy myself and do whatever the hell i want. I wish Aster didnt care so much . I wish my family didnt care so much about it. Im so fucking bored with my life. Things get so boring after awhile. Im tired of doing the same boring things everyday. I dont even have money to do what the hell i want anyway. I dont know why the only thing i want to do is get drunk as a form of entertainment. But i love it. I dont love the hang overs but apparently its worth it. Doesnt feel worth it while im hungover but i would keep coming back anyway because i enjoyed the night. And here i am just writing and writing and writing about the same shit i have been writing and thinking about for years. I have been sober since september and god damn i dont want to be sober anymore. I want to DRINK. i want to DRINK. i want to DRINK. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. Sometimes i think if i say it enough i wont want do it so bad. Thats what they teach you in AA. But ive said it a thousand times and i want to do it even more now. Im not going to lie to myself. I just stay sober for other people but if i had a choice i would drink all the freaking time whenever the hell i want.. even though sometimes bad things happen… this addiction and obsession sucks.

Continued………..

The day has been lame. I think I am depressed. I dont want to talk to Aster about it because she doesnt understand and then she will tell me that i need to start doing stuff to make myself feel better but i literally dont know what to do and she doesnt either. She doesnt understand what its like to be me. No one does. I am the only one who lives inside my head. I just live every day. Watching the time go by. I did some laundry today. Did the dishes like i always do. Cleaned the litter box like i always do. Not saying its a bad thing but its just things that i do. Some of the only things that i have to do in the day. I hang out with my dogs, not saying thats bad either i love my dogs but i would like some company that can talk back. And i know i have my family but they also are so far away. I called my sister today and she told me to come over but i didnt because it was about 4pm and Aster was going to be home at 5 and she probably would have complained. Either that i left, or that i left an hour before she got home and didnt wait for her, or that i went into town and its a lot of gas money. Either way i didnt want to deal with it. The weather sucks and i know that i have seasonal depression. I have been taking vitamin D to replace what i am missing from the sun. To try and help with energy and the way i feel but i dont think its helped much at all. Aster and Richard want to play fortnite tonight, and thats something that we do almost every single night and i usually enjoy it but today it doesnt sound so fun. I would rather do something else but i cant think of anything else to do. I could continue reading my book, but i dont really feel like doing that. I could start a new book but i dont really feel like doing that. I could watch tv and continue watching the new season of the dragon prince but i dont really feel like doing that either. I could bake some brownies but im on a diet. Im trying to drink my protien shakes with the kencko mix that has all the fruits and veggies that i need in the day. Im trying to lose some weight because i think that will help me feel better too. So obviously i am depressed. I want to drink. Im tired of my daily activities. Normal things that i usually find joy from dont sound interesting to me. I dont feel like eating. I dont feel like talking. I have therapy tomorrow and Ill tell her how i have been feeling lately and shes going to tell me the same thing too. That part of being bipolar is being up and down. and i have a lot of downs. and drinking isnt going to solve my problems. And that i should probably go to a meeting but i dont like going to meetings. I want to take like three baths a day again, due to being cold and bored and baths make me feel better. I have a hard time expressing myself and how i feel on the inside when i am having these emotions. More continuation same day…

I played fornite with Aster and Richard. It was fun playing the game but now the games over and im down again. I guess i could keep playing but i dont feel like it. Aster is still awake and its weird because its almost 12am. She goes to work at 8. I guess thats not too bad but im planning on escaping tomorrow and going to the bar to hang out. I cant drink even if i wanted to but i can have a mock tail and hang out with whoever is there. I know Jacob wil be there. Hes fun to hang out with and i think he genuinly likes to hang out with me too. Hes a really nice guy and has been wanting to hang out for a long time. I miss going out getting drunk and singing kareoke. All i ate today was two protien shakes with my kencko mix. One with water in the morning and one at night with oatmilk. I also made oatmeal with greek yogurt. And i had coffee today. I wonder how much weight i would lose if i keep eating like that for a week. But i dont know if its completely healthy and the weight will stay off once i start eating normal food again. Even so lets see if i can even make it on these protien shakes or today was just easy because i wasnt very hungry and interested in food. Well i dont really know what else to talk about. Not much has happened today. Not much at all. so i guess im going to go.

#alcoholism #addiction #mental health #daily struggles #digital diary

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antisocialsln · 1 year

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i feel like im dying. nobody wants me around anymore. everyones making it painfully clear theyre sick of me. im a hypocrite. i get upset that they choose drugs over me and drinking over me when i do the same anyway. im high most of the time i spend awake and if i can drag myself to the fucking store im drinking and ive just stopped addressing it now. the ghosts are out to get me. something followed me home the other day i saw it in the mirror it laughed in my ear. the voices have been back for longer than i dare admit but im so used to them that its somewhat comforting having them back. theyre more protective now theres something here. “cover the mirrors” “keep away from the windows” and such. theres always eyes in the dark. i cant make them go for long. there are shadows that move in every corner and ive gotten used to the bugs crawling all over me again. my family dont care, i tried to talk to them and all i was met with was laughter. something kept banging on the window, loud enough to make me jump so fast i went dizzy. i got my dad to check the garden, nothing there. it happened again. he was still in the kitchen. he didnt hear it. either time. neither did my mom. i saw something outside of the window but they didnt believe me they said it must have been in my headphones but it wasnt i rewound the video. no banging. something threw my cup off of the side. i was nowhere near it, home alone, no breeze, nothing else fell, no pets, nothing but me and something else. it threw my cup on the floor and it broke. i was having a good night. it was my favourite cup, i cant drink the drinks i need to drink every day without it. my routine is ruined. thats hard for me. i know it sounds stupid but i suppose you could say my autism clung onto this cup so i could hydrate. i feel empty now that its destroyed. i texted my dad. i told him i want the ghost stuff to stop. they need to make it stop. i cant handle it anymore. i dont feel safe alone in the house. he didnt take me seriously. he still things its my fault. he yelled in a public area that i have to stop being so clumsy, he tried to tell me i was drunk. “you were drunk. you knocked it off the side. you were pissed. you drank way too much” i know i didnt i didnt have anything to drink and the only pills i took where after the matter to calm down and go for a walk high because thats the only thing i could do i couldnt stay in the house. its all so hazy. it feels weird. i experienced the whole thing in 3rd person. ive been tunnelvisioned for weeks now. the color from everything is dull to me and i dont really enjoy anything anymore unless im playing a character. i tried to explain to my father that i want to die. i tried to tell him i know i am going to kill myself and he told me to “stop being so fucking dramatic”. every day now he yells at me for not getting out of bed, for being lazy. but im hardly sleeping at night the only rest i get is in the day i cant sleep at night anymore and im hardly sleeping in the day anyway i fall asleep at 8-9am and i wake up every 30-60minutes until i get yelled at around 2pm to get up. im mostly mute now. nobody comes to see me. leaving the house to go anywhere but sit on a park swing alone in the dark at night is terrifying and im supposed to be going to comic con on friday. i cant die no matter how much i try ive definitely hit 10-15 attempts in the past year by now. 2 alone this month and its only november. no matter how many pills i take, no matter if i swallow glass, no matter what medication i mix with alcohol, no matter how much i bleed or dont breathe. i just cant die. im immortal. and its killing me in a completely different way to what i want. and yet i still have this irrational fear of almost dying and needing hospital intervention. not even out of fear of being sectioned. i almost want to now. i almost want them to throw me in a psych ward and leave me there. the fear is if that happens, even if im just in for a night. my parents will never let it go, they will never let me go, itll all get worse. ill get no privacy, they will be on my ass all the time. just because it would make them look bad. im trying to go to uni just so i can show them i can move out so thats easily 4 more years of this fucking bullshit before i get a chance at being free. i really dont know how much more of anything i can take. i dont want to be here. i really, really do not.

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lobio · 4 years

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#im tired #im so so tired of everything #im not even going to start venting because theres just too much #i am tired of everything i just want it to end #i dont have an escape either #i prmised myself i would never cut myself again and ive been keeping that promice and i dont want to break it now #i cant escape with music because my earbuds are broken and i cant really enjoy music #i cant go on a walk because its late #im just so tired #i wish i had someone i caould fall asleep with #you see #ive only gotten 3 hiurs of sleep in the past 24 hours and im not going to be able to fall asleep anytime soon because im just too restless #but if i were in the presence of someone else i would feel much calmer and i wouldn't be bored because id be with someone #anyways #i guess i gotta suffer until i crash #vent #personal bs #my post

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bakidose · 2 years

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— TOKYO REV ## RANDOM HCS

alternate title: tr men and random headcanons i have abt some of them

characters included: ran haitani / sanzu haruchiyo / hanma shuji / manjiro sano / baji keisuke / takemichi hanagaki

warnings: a bit suggestive / mostly sfw tho / crack cocaine for sanzu / humour / gn! reader / ooc maybe?? idk thats up to u to decide lol

a/n: these were the only characters i could think of hcs for off the top of my head shhh. n e ways weewoo my first official contribution to the tr fandom, enjoy :p

% SHUJI HANMA %

he's the type to fake bang you.

doesn't matter where you are, who you're with or what you're doing– the moment he sees you bent down, hes getting all up behind you and thrusting full force 💀

you've had to start kneeling and squatting down to reach for things instead after one incident. living in fear everyday that hanma may one day pull a bluff on your poor, vulnerable ass right in front of your friends and family 😟

"shuji PLEASE im trying to take this dish out of the oven"

"hm? sorry~. i cant help myself when you're all bent down like that just for me ♡ "

you burned your fingers and almost dropped your lasagna all over the floor

all he did in apology was pat your ass and said "it looks good babe 😘"

you still dont know whether he was talking about your ass– or the lasagna

probably both.

% RAN HAITANI %

he makes deez nuts jokes along with his brother rindou LMAO

thinks they're sooo fuckin funny. oh? your legs are broken? lol deez nuts are next 🤣

and whats worse is that rin backs him up too with a shit eating grin, both giggling like lil kids who just made a joke about poo

has never actually fallen for it whenever someone tries though

and even if it were to happen, you wouldnt know.

given the way he just stands there like 🕺 right after he finishes you off with his baton for humiliating him like that in broad daylight

rin: "🙄 cant believe you fell"

ran: "i didnt fa-"

rin: "for deez nuts."

ran: 😃

not only did he fall for deez nuts twice on that day, but he smacked a hoe with his baton twice too

hurt his ego knowing rindou pulled it on him without missing a beat

if you ever asked, it never happened <3

% SANZU %

ACTUALLY served crack before he served his country.

has definitely snorted cocaine off your ass crack to make things more exciting

though one time, you caught him snorting sugar off the kitchen counter. having temporarily taken away his coke stash after he kept waking up next to you high as hell

a credit card, 10,000¥ bill and nose all lined up to take another hit

"what are you doing?? you know you cant-"

"its not."

"huh? the hell you mean its 'not' 🤨"

"its sugar, princess. here~ try it"

"no thanks-"

told you to shut up as he scooped some up with his finger n stuck them in your mouth anyway

it was sugar.

he was snorting glucose up his nostrils.

"WHAT THE FUCK 😃."

you still think he mightve done it just to spite you since youre so worried about his health

you gave him back his shit after that

so it was either him high off the rocks or...yeah <3 he was definitely in a silly goofy mood that day

manz is actually deranged 🚹 middle child behavior if ive ever seen it

% BAJI KEISUKE %

never make a 'your mom' joke at this guy.

ever.

the first n last time some sleezy highschool kid tried to do it to a pre-k baji, they limped outta there the next day looking like they got mauled by several street cats

just never- dont. dont even utter a word about his mom unless youve been feeling alive'nt recently

you can talk smack about baji but never about his momma :<

ranted to peke j about it that night as he was falling asleep

"and i pummeled that asshole! right in his ugly ass mug 😤"

peke j: mrow

"no one!... can talk shit about my mom like that...*snores*"

peke j: mrow

% MIKEY %

still orders the McDonald's happy meal even as an adult

does NOT eat the apple slices :<

he's also another person who enjoys pulling deez nuts jokes on unsuspecting victims...or at least used to ://

*is busy munching on dorayaki*

"hey you know suna?"

"whos that? 😐"

"suna or later deez nuts gonna be in ya' mouth"

k.o'ed on sight. absolutely hates deez nuts jokes now after he fell for one.

draken laughs everytime he recalls it, and mikey refuses to answer any random questions since then

% TAKEMICHI HANAGAKI %

asked chifuyu one time after he did the devils tango with hina on their wedding night

if it was gay to think of another man during it.

"hey so i was wondering... is it gay to think of mikey while i was having sex with hina?"

?????

"huhhh 😕 takemitchy, man i– i mean..bros before hoes right? 😄"

"yeah!! youre right!"

both sat there in silence after

then hakkai walked in, holding his phone that still had mitsuya's now updated side profile picture as his lockscreen

takemichi cried that night 👍🏼

taglist: @katsukichu

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yesimwriting · 3 years

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Would you write a Kaz Brekker request where the reader is a bookworm and a crow and basically Kaz asks the reader to read to him as his way of apologizing after a argument that was his fault?

it a/n i did something kinda similar in a 'promise of rain' blurb,, but this concept is so cute to me:)) love it sm i moved it up my request cue lol

also IM IN COLLEGE NOW!! WHAT?? AND IVE BEEN TO A PARTY! AND IM JOINING A SORORITY AND I DID DRAMA AUDITIONS AND AHH !! SO DIFFERENT! I MISS MY MOM AND SISTER AND DOG AND EVEN MY DAD BUT IM HAPPY HERE!!

also im a little worried this might not portray kaz superrrrr accurately bc it's been awhile so just let me know,, feedback leads to improvement:)) also kinda set this up for a part 2 bc...well youll see

They've always said a lot of things about him, and I've always heard them. But I've never quite believed them. Sure, I get why the dark things that have flourished in the poisoned soil that is Ketterdam consider Kaz Brekker the darkest thing of all. I understand the nickname 'Dirtyhands' for the gloved criminal who has fooled each crime boss at least once. I understand each terrible thing they've said about him.

But I've never agreed with them. I've never even considered agreeing with them. Until today.

The thought that maybe everything people say about him is correct in a simple context struck me worse than the silence after our argument. It made me feel like both a fool and hypocrite. Kaz and I have had our fair share of spats over the relatively short time we've known each other, but never like this. Never so badly he stormed out of the room before I could. I squeeze the book in my lap even harder, desperate to focus on the words on the pages.

You didn't hurt him. He walked away because he decided you weren't worth the cost of his expensive time. I repeat those thoughts in my mind over and over again, letting them bitter me further. It's a lot easier to be mad than hurt. A lot easier to fuel your pain than try to understand your mistakes. Besides, tiredness is already dredging around in my chest and if I don't calm down a little I won't be able to fall asleep.

I had escalated the fight more than I should have. Knowing Kaz is like performing in a tightrope act. One must always be aware of where they're going. Watching what's in front of them without ever thinking too much about what's beneath or behind them. Today though, when I needed my balance most I chose to fall. I chose to dive, and apparently there was no net.

"Oh, you're doing that thing."

I roll my eyes at Jesper's voice as I fight down a yawn. I wipe my face with the back of my palm before turning. The burning behind my eyes never resulted in full tears, but I feel better after doing so. "What thing?"

"That terribly noble thing where you find it in yourself to take full blame for every single conflict you and boss man fall into." The slight humor in his voice is enough for me to roll my eyes again. "Between you and me, I'm sure the reason he's so angry now is because you didn't do that for once."

I press my lips together as my chin angles itself upwards slightly. "I never do that." He raises an eyebrow. The slight sympathy that colors the look is more offensive than his accusation. "If I pick and choose my battles, it's for good reason."

"Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs once before further entering my room. I say nothing when he sits at the foot of my bed. "Oh, you know," Jesper stretches back casually, resting his back against the wall and extending his legs, "You and Kaz--Kaz and you."

Has he been drinking? Perhaps he's not here because of my unusual absence from downstairs after my fight with Kaz but because he's already too tipsy to think right. "What?"

At my confused look he grins, flashing all of his teeth with an arrogance that outshines the whiteness of them. He taps the still open book in my lap. "Let me put it in terms you'll understand." Jesper sits up a little further, amusement clear in his features. "You two make a shameful Elizabeth and Darcy--"

"Oh, shut up," I groan, glaring at him, "This isn't Pride and Prejudice. And Kaz and I," Jesper's smugness returns when I can't quite think of what I want to say, "We're barely friends--we're barely anything, let alone what you're implying."

Jesper pulls his legs up and shoves me gently. "Dearest, y/n," he ignores my glare, "You should know better than anyone that 'barely friends, barely anything' with Kaz is more than it is with anyone else?"

"That doesn't mea--"

"You two say goodnight to each other." Once. Kaz and I said good night to each other in front of Jesper once. How dare he assume it happens regularly? He's right, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. "You play cards with him. Not for money, not for skill--"

"It's for practice." The look Jesper gives me is enough to tell me that my defense didn't land.

Damn him for ever finding Kaz and I on one of those strange nights. One of those nights in which he lurks at the stairwell...the one that divides my room and his attic. One of those nights in which it feels like he's a phantom and I'm the only one that can really see him. A night in which we both silently find each other.

I couldn't quite believe it the first time it happened. I'm not exactly a Crow--I don't feel enough a connection to the Dregs to join them without some kind of guarantee--but I was needed for some obscure job. but I was needed for some obscure job. The Crows needed an insider who could blend into high society, and I needed a place to stay away from my father.

It worked. I worked. And with each passing day I found myself enjoying the Crows more and more. That's why I stayed. That's why I started checking the stairwell practically every night, a set of playing cards in my hand.

The first time had been awkward. I couldn't sleep and my room felt too quiet, but the rambunctious club felt too loud and a little unsafe considering the hour. So I settled for the only space in between. When Kaz found me sitting on the steps and playing a solitary card game I had been so stunned by embarrassment I just offered to deal him in. I had been more shocked when he silently accepted my offer.

"Practice?" Jesper repeats. "You were laughing, I heard you."

"That was one time--how do you know we didn't just happen to play cards together the one time you saw it?"

"Because you laughed about a play you considered 'predictable'."

Sighing, I sit up a little straighter. "I'm not having this conversation. Occasionally saying 'goodnight' to someone who lives in the same space I live in and sometimes playing cards with said person because we both happen to be up at a certain time doesn't mean anything."

"And the way he looked at the contact that was flirting with you?"

Oh...this conversation again. "For the last time, the contact wasn't flirting with me. We had to dance to blend in and when he leaned towards me to whisper in my ear...it was to tell me the intel Kaz just had to have."

"And when he tucked that strand of hair behind your ear?"

"He just wanted to sell our cove--"

"Y/n, he kissed your cheek and I'm fairly certain he would have kissed you if Kaz and I hadn't made it to the corridor at that second."

Why is everyone so obsessed with what would have never happened? The contact had been attractive, tall with fair eyes and hair. But it's not like I feel anything for him, nor would I have been so foolish during a job. A fact that Kaz refuses to believe. I'm tired of this argument...I'm just tired. This job required me to start getting ready early in the morning and lasted long into the night.

"I wouldn't have kissed him and even if I had, the fact that Kaz is so mad about feels...sexist." A stupid argument, considering that Kaz couldn't care less if the person he's working with is female, male, or anything in between because the only thing he cares about is profit. "It's a stupid thing to be mad about, but you hit on anything with a pulse at any time and--"

"I resent that--"

"For the first two weeks I was here I thought you might've been a prostitute."

I can feel him holding in a laugh. "Did you at least think I was a good prostitute?" When I glare again, he finally actually laughs. "Not the point--got it."

"Then what is the point? You're bored and obsessed with gossip so now you're shaking me for information you don't need."

"The point is you're oblivious." Rude...I move my leg in a weak attempt to push him off my bed. Jesper catches my ankle easily, ignoring my attempt at a fight. "You thought the contact was only doing his job and you don't know the real reason that Kaz blew up at you for the first time the way he blows up at everyone."

"Okay, well since you know everything, tell me why he's mad."

He lets out a sigh like he can't believe I even needed to ask that. "It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy."

...Maybe he is drunk? "Don't be so cryptic. I don't like you enough to put up with that."

Jesper half-sighs again before pushing himself off my bed. "I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that."

"Asshole," I mumble instinctually as he walks towards my door. "Are you not telling me because I tried to push you off the bed?"

He turns when he reaches my door in order to lean against my door frame. "It's not not because of that." I should throw my book at his head. "In all seriousness, think about it. If you don't you'll either kill each other or kill me."

Ugh...he's so confusing. This time, I let him go. He leaves he door open, which is beyond annoying. I stand up to close it, promising myself I will focus on my book the second it's in my hands again. As I walk back towards my bed, my eyes land on the deck of cards on my nightstand.

Does it send a signal I don't want to send if I don't go the stairwell tonight? Do I want to send a signal? I don't know...actually, the only thing I know is that I don't want to think about this a second longer. I don't ease as I read, but my eyelids become heavier with each word they cross. I feel the weight of them as my focus slips, farther and farther away until I can no longer focus. When my eyes fall shut I can't bring myself to think or force them open.

I notice my surprised before I register that I've just woken up. Falling asleep feels so far and yet the crick in my neck confirms the obvious. Rubbing the eyes with the back of my hand, I push my book from my lap and sit up. The only indication of how much time has passed is how much my bedside candle has melted.

How long have I been asleep? How did I manage to fall asleep? I thought I was too mad at Kaz to manage anything but pouting in my room. I hadn't even decided if I wanted to talk to him.

I stand even though I haven't decided anything. I should at least change if I want to go to bed. But is leaving this alone for even longer a bad idea? I think Jesper thought so...though my conversation with him is far from clear. It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy. I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that. What does he want me to do with that?

Maybe he was partially intoxicated and felt the need to play the role of a good friend. Or maybe this is his idea of a joke.

Whatever--regardless of Jesper, I have a choice to make. A tiny part of me hopes it's insignificant, but I know Kaz enough to know that nothing is insignificant to him. He holds onto things the way he holds onto his kruge. Perhaps I'll seek out Inej, she seems to be the best at rationalizing. Though she might be asleep by now, or on a job or...I don't even know.

How late is it? Is it late enough to be one of the few hours Kaz claims to reserve for sleep? Maybe my bad luck is still around and he's already in bed for once. Does that mean his anger will extend to tomorrow?

I shouldn't care. It's not like I'm in the wrong. Did I escalate things? Maybe a little...but I won't apologize for defending myself. Even though that makes everything a little easier. I feel stuck, like in some kind of place of half sleep. A single knock at my door is enough to make me want to jump. I rub my eyes a little more firmly in hopes of waking up more before someone sees me.

I approach the door without worry. Maybe it's not as late as I assumed. Or maybe it's really early? I open the door while still fighting against my slight disorientation. I'm so focused on acting normal, I almost don’t register the person standing at my door.

I don’t know who I expected, or what--maybe Jesper, much more tipsy than he was before, slumped against the doorframe, only knocking because he’s too tired to push the door open. Maybe even Inej, on her way here to deliver some kind of job or notice of dismissal. But it’s nothing I could expect. It’s...Kaz.

The Dirtyhands stands at my door, expression as hard as ever yet something behind his eyes that burns the sleep away from me. “Uh--hi.” I bite my tongue to avoid cringing at that very awkward beginning. “Are you here to kick me out yourself?” The only response I get is the slightest shift of his gaze off of my face. “No? Well then I think I’m going to bed. It’s late.”

My tone and words are clear. Get out of my doorway, I’m in no mood to go back to arguing. When he still doesn’t say anything, I’m emboldened by my nerves. I push the door between us without breaking eye contact.

Before the wood can meet the doorframe, he moves his cane, wedging it between us. “Y/n.” I don’t understand the way he says my name, but I’m certain he’s never said it like that. “I...” When he’s not prompted by the uncomfortableness of silence, I raise an eyebrow, my grip on the door tightening. “What I said shouldn’t have been said.” Wait--is he admitting fault? I’m so thrown I almost melt entirely. “Not to you.”

The addition leaves him so lowly a part of me wonders if I’ve imagined it. I’m so thrown by it I don’t even think to reply until a long second has passed. “You seemed to believe the opposite a few hours ago.”

His lips press together for a moment. “You didn’t ask me to play cards tonight.” He took that as intentional? At least that got me some kind of apology? I keep my mouth shut, greed making me want more information. I guess he must sense my silent tugging because he head inclines slightly. “Don’t push.”

I fight down a grin. “Push what?” His only response to stiffen further. “I’m going to tell you something as a peace offering.” That seems to intrigue him in some way. I can’t tell if it’s a good kind of interested, but I note the slight raise of his eyebrows and his intentional silence. “I didn’t chose not to ask you to play cards.” He gives me no indication of anything, which is fair...considering my vagueness. “I was mad, obviously, and in the middle of deciding on a course of action...and then I fell asleep.”

A long pause of silence. “You fell asleep?”

I’m not sure if his incredulous tone should offend me or not. If I wanted to lie, I’d like to think he knows me well enough to know that I’d have thought of a better excuse than that. Or at least a less embarrassing one. “Yes, it’s not that difficult to believe. Today had been long and all I wanted to do was read, but then Jesper came in to say the oddest things and then leave me to...”

Oh--oh. I guess there’s a reason people say to ‘sleep on’ something. Because now, actively remembering Jesper’s words for the first time since I fell asleep...I understand what Jesper was implying in the oddest way possible. He meant that Kaz and I...that perhaps there is a Kaz and I in a context that’s more than just grammatical. Wow. I really had to realize this with Kaz right in front of me.

My face feels warmer than it did before, an irrational bout of anxiety forcing me to consider that me might be able to read impossible, embarrassing thoughts from my expression alone.

“What did Jesper say?” I’m too lost in my own spiral of confusion and panic and some feeling I can’t recognize to register how Kaz asks his question. There’s an edge to it, an odd one, but that could easily just be Kaz.

This is most definitely the last conversation we need to be having. I’m still mad at him for his earlier dramatics. So I just shake my head, feigning an exhaustion I could lose myself in. “Nothing and everything all at once.” I resist the urge to rub my eyes again. “I’m pretty sure he was drinking, and I wasn’t really listening. I was just trying to read.”

Kaz’s expression hardens briefly as he takes in my words, and then he exhales, nodding once with the breath. “What were you reading?”

My lips part instinctually, ready to spew off details about the latest novel that’s captured my attention. But before I can let myself take off, the reality of the situation strikes me directly in the chest. This is not Nina, or Inej, or even Jesper after what he considers a ‘good night’. This is Kaz Brekker, the man believed to not have a soul. I’ve spoken to him before about casual things, though most of the nights in which we end up playing cards or just sitting near each other are spent in silence. But he’s never prompted me before. Not in the one topic he knows is guaranteed to turn me into an overenthusiastic, gushing fountain of poor summaries and character analysis.

I guess this is his peace offering. This shouldn’t warm the way it does. He was still unbelievably dramatic and treated me like I’m some kind of unreliable fool. “It’s late, and you know how I can be. I’d hate to keep you for nothing more than a poor summary and honestly, an embarrassing rant about plot or characters, because there’s just nothing as frustrating as when two people so clearly care about each other and both are too stubborn and oblivious to acknowledge it.”

Kaz’s eyebrows draw together just enough for me to be able to make out a shift of expression in the poor light. Perhaps his lingering irritation is preparing to rear its ugly head. The corner of his mouth seems to threaten to tilt upwards as Kaz angles his head to the side slightly. “I can’t imagine that position.”

No kidding. I bite my tongue to keep the sarcastic comment and awkward laugh that would sure follow it away. “Who can? That’s like half the point of reading.”

How can interaction feel so over and just at its beginning all at once? I press my lips together to avoid filling the silence with things I’d no doubt instantly regret. It’s easy to be mad at Kaz in the moment. Too easy. But to stay mad at him when his temper has passed and he returns with some kind of begrudging and admittedly awkward and uncertain truce is another task entirely.

“I’ve never understood your attachment to written words.”

“It’s not about understanding, it’s about everything else.”

“And you say I’m cryptic.” Is he...kinda almost joking? I straighten my spine, too tired to fight and too wounded to forgive. “There’s understanding in everything, nothing can survive on sentiment alone.”

“If you read the way I did, you’d understand.”

His lips press together as his expression remains unwavering in its hardness. “Read to me.”

...Interacting with Kaz in any way often leaves me feeling like I’m wandering through unknown territory. But this, this is undeniably different. So different I can’t even think of a way to react. I watch his expression as cautiously as possible. He’s purely reserved, no distinction from the look he wears during business propositions. Except there’s a tightness I can’t quite understand.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fight anymore. Maybe it’s because exhaustion is leaving me partially delirious. Or maybe it’s the weird feeling in my chest that I can’t quite place. That I don’t want to place. “Okay.” I shift carefully. “If for no other reason then to prove you wrong.”

Never did I think I’d end up in the position of sitting in my bed, book in hand, with Kaz Brekker sitting next to me. But here we are. I’m so tired, I almost let out a nervous laugh when he first walked in. So brooding and tall, gripping the head of his head cane as he sits at the foot of my bed, on my pastel quilt.

I’m glad for the excuse to keep my gaze away from him and on the words in front of me. I read out loud, feeling more and more comfortable with each page I finish. But as my inhibitions slip away, so dos my hold on consciousness. My eyelids seem to grow heavier with each word that I read.

“You’re falling asleep.”

I straighten my spine on instinct. “Am not.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to deny something so simple.

“You’re impossible.”

From him, that statement is laugh worthy. “I’m impossible? Do you not remember earlier today?”

From the way his jaw locks, I realize that he’s in no mood to be light about this topic. I don’t understand why. It’s not like I’m the one that wronged him. “I remember your lack of focus.”

Keeping my hands at my side to avoid rubbing my eyes, I frown. “If you want to have this argument again, fine. Jesper is more ‘distracted’ than me half the time and you’re much more lenient on him. It’s not like I was flirting with someone or gambling or doing anything but having a two second conversation. One that I needed to have to get information that you wanted.”

The last time we fought, I had more energy to restrain myself. This could be atomic. I hold my breath, waiting for Kaz’s retaliation. He exhales, eyes not meeting mine. “Arguing with you when you’re present is exhausting enough. It’s not worth it when you’re half asleep.”

This angers me further. I hate that he’s right. “I’m not half asleep.” He leaves it at that. I glare even harder at him, slumping further into my bed. “But for the sake of argument, I’ll drop it. Something you’re incapable of doing.”

At that, his eyes meet mine. I try to hold his gaze, but the harder I think about not seeming tired the more exhaustion slips in. A yawn escapes me before he looks away. Great. “I know when to lie in the grass in wait.”

Rolling my eyes, I shift back slightly. He’s incapable of being less dramatic than this. Still, I can’t imagine the effort it’s taking on his part to not start an argument. Maybe this is why Jesper spent so long implying that there may be a Kaz and I in any capacity beyond a vague kind of friendship. “I’ll admit you’re tactful.”

“Resourceful people recognize that trait in other people.”

Blinking twice, I lower my book slightly. Am I truly exhausted, or did he just compliment me in a way? “Careful, I may start to think you find me tolerable.”

“Let’s not exaggerate.” Okay, now I know I’m exhausted because I think he might have just attempted a joke. Rolling my eyes, I decide not to acknowledge this lightness in fear that I’ll scare it away. “Y/n?”

I press my lips together, worried about the destruction of our peace. “Yes?”

“What did Jesper say to you? Earlier?” I pause, slightly unsure why we’re moving backwards.

We’re in a decent place now, and I’d hate to ruin it. I’m too half asleep to lie eloquently. And it’s not like he’s an easily convinced man. “Oh, he said it so cryptically it took me longer than it should have to understand. And it didn’t help that it was something so...well, you might find it funny. As funny as you find anything, anyways.” Wow...I’ve spent such a long time talking. Rubbing the back of my eyes, I avoid his gaze. Exhaustion and awkwardness mix in my stomach oddly. “It seemed like he was trying to imply that you and I...me and you...” Why is this a difficult thing to say? It’s not like I was implying it and Jesper’s known for his oddness. “I think Jesper was implying that there was a you and I, or at least that there could be.” I’m too lost in a haze of almost sleep to watch his reaction. I let my head rest against my headboard even further. “Isn’t that odd?”

He’s quiet for a long second, and then he finally speaks again. “Odd, even for Jesper.” The response doesn’t satiate me...what’s that about? I exhale, deciding that feeling is tomorrow’s problem. When I blink, I decide to let my eyes stay closed. Just for a moment. The sound of something shifting is what makes my eyes squint open. Kaz is standing, his expression unreadable as he straightens. “Goodnight, y/n.”

At that, I sit up slightly, ignoring the exhaustion behind my eyes. “I haven’t finished the chapter.”

“You’ve convinced me of enough.” A concession? How exhausted do I seem? My lips press together as I think of my next argument. Before I can get it out, Kaz leans forward. He grabs the quilt at the end of my bed and tosses it onto my legs casually. “Goodnight, y/n.” The meaning of his repetition is clear. His word is final.

I find enough energy to manage a glare, but I pull the quilt over my legs anyways. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone imagines #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #six of crows show #shadow and bone show #six of crows netflix

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baroquebucky · 3 years

Text

embrace

soulmate au where when you touch your soulmate you see glimpses of your future with them; the winter soldier touches you and realizes there’s so much more out there

series masterlist // previous // next

part three

word count: 2.3k

masterlist

a/n: hi bffs !!! here is the third installment for my soulmate au !! i think I’ll make one or two more parts and then end it ! let me know what you guys think i love reading your thoughts !! <3 (bonus points if u find all the parallels heh)

You didn’t hesitate throwing your arms around him, tears flowing down your cheeks as you held onto him tightly. Bucky held you just as tight, burrowing his face in your shoulder and a smile on his face.

Bucky felt home. He felt the way he imagined the smell of freshly baked cookies would feel, he felt warm and fuzzy. Bucky felt happy.

“i- where have you been what happened i thought- we all- oh my god steve he’s been going crazy and-” you rambled, a smile on your face. You looked at bucky, he was just as tall as your remembered, his eyes a bit brighter and you felt your heart flutter.

“oh come in!” You chuckled, pulling him by his metal arm into your home, a smile on your face as you led him to your living room.

“i never introduced myself” he spoke, eyes on the ground as you prepared two cups of hot chocolate. You looked at him, laughing lightly.

“guess you didn’t huh” you replied, taking out the cups and putting in some marshmallows before walking back over to the couch, setting the two cups on the table and turning to face him.

“I’m y/n” you smiled brightly, extending your hand out. Bucky grinned, shaking your hand and introducing himself.

“I’m bucky” you felt your face heat up as he smiled at you, much different from the last time when you looked at each other.

“does Steve know you’re here? that you’re you?” you questioned, eyeing him to try and get read on his body language. He shifted slightly, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“not really no, i-” he hesitated before fiddling with his hands and speaking up again, “ive been laying low, i just couldn’t stop thinking about you and the visions i saw” he spoke, blushing and you couldn’t stop the smile on your face.

“i couldn’t either” you replied, looking at him before looking at the way the marshmallows melted into the hot chocolate. “I was so worried these past couple of months, i tried helping steve and Sam but it was so much and we were getting no where” you mumbled, heart falling as you thought of all your fruitless efforts.

Bucky noticed the way your voice trembled as you spoke and how you grilled the mug a little tighter. He felt his chest tighten.

“I’m here now doll” he spoke softly, moving to put your mug down and pulling you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

You relaxed into his touch, tears welling in your eyes once more, you let yourself lean into him, closing your eyes for a second and enjoying his embrace.

“i missed you so much, can’t believe i could miss someone i didn’t even know that much” you laughed, sniffling lightly as you pulled away

“we’re soulmates dollface, we’re meant to be” he smiled softly at you and you nodded, a small smile as you wiped away a couple stray tears.

It was easy to fall into comfortable conversation with each other. All laughs and giggles as you spoke, the sun high in the sky already and the city wide awake despite it being early in the morning.

You so happy to have bucky with you, a smile on your face as you started to think of all you had to show him, thoughts of the future you had seen made you giddy with excitement.

“oh you have to meet Sam! The two of you would be so funny together bickering all the time- oh also there’s this coffee shop i really like, very quaint but-” you rambled, trying to fit in everything you wanted to tell bucky.

“I’m moving” bucky cut you off, a frown on his face as he glanced over at you. He focused his gaze on you, stomach dropping when you stared at him with a confused expression.

“like here? to New York?” You were quiet, knowing that’s not what he meant. Bucky but his bottom lip in frustration before turning to you with sad eyes.

“romania, i cant be here- not while HYDRA is still out there and I’m wanted for everything I’ve done” bucky frowned. Your heart broke in your chest, you wanted to curl up and cry.

You just got him back. You had lost him twice already, you weren’t sure if you could handle a third.

“you can’t- i just got you back you can’t go” you shook your head, eyes watery already. You held his hand tightly and bucky wanted to badly to stay.

“i have to” he whispered, “you know i do.”

And you did, you knew this was his best chance and you had to let him go. You knew how painful it would be and how much you would miss him. You thought about the amount of time you had cried at night, wishing you could get to the future already.

But you also knew you would get your happy ending, you knew at some point in your life you would be happily in love and laughing in a meadow of flowers watching a sunset with him. And that’s what you held onto.

“promise me you’ll come back to me” you whispered, scooting closer to him, his hands still in yours.

“I always will doll” he smiled, slipping his hand out of yours and placing it softly under your chin, tilting your head so you could look at him. Your watery eyes met his baby blue ones, you swore they sparkled slightly.

“don’t worry your pretty head doll, we still have forever to be happy” he smiled, leaning in slightly. Bucky stopped centimeters away from your lips, your heart racing at his actions, you wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

“may i?” He whispered. You didn’t reply, instead you crashed your lips onto him. It was needy and rough, your teeth hitting each other at one point but you didn’t care. It felt like your heart were beating in sync, you felt whole.

You both pulled away, breathless before laughing lightly, your hair messy from his hands tugging at it. Bucky ran his hand through his hair, a charming smile on his face as you two regained your composure.

“if you kiss me like that again i don’t think I’ll let you go” you teased, heart heavy as he frowned slightly.

“what if i kiss you like this” he mumbled, softly placing his lips back onto yours. It was much gentler, softer and sweet. Your hand easily finding its way to his hair, fingers cascading through his soft hair. Bucky smiled into the kiss, giving you a soft peck before pulling away.

“you’re gonna be the death of me” you whispered, heart thumping in your ears. Bucky smiled at you sweetly, pulling you into his arms and holding you.

You wiggled a bit, laying your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat, your eyes closing and falling asleep before you could even fight to stay awake.

Bucky woke you up at around 1 pm, shaking you gently. Your eyes opened slowly and you realized you were back in your bed, tucked in under your blanket.

“i waited a bit before bringing you back to bed, didn’t wanna wake you again” bucky smiled and you laughed, sitting up and yawning, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“i got some food for us, figured you’d be hungry” bucky spoke, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as you walked out of your room when you finished brushing your teeth and changing out of your pajamas.

You looked at bucky with a smile on your face, bounding over to him and tackling him with a hug, kissing his cheek. You silently thanked the universe for giving you bucky as your soulmate as the two of you talked while you ate.

Bucky had never felt so at ease, he wasn’t worried about someone kicking his door down or having to keep running. All he could focus on was the way you would smile anytime he laughed and the way you blushed when your eyes would meet.

The two of you spent the day together, cuddled up on the couch and watching a movie, just like you had seen the first time the two of you ever touched. You smiled to yourself while bucky focused on the movie, his hand mindlessly drawing circles on your arm as he held you. This was how it was meant to be, your soulmate by your side and the feeling of home.

But nothing ever seems to go as it should. By the time night came you were saying goodbye, both of you teary eyed as he held you tightly, not wanting to go but know he had to.

It had taken an hour to move from the couch to halfway to the door, both of you crying messes with soft giggles trying to cheer each other up.

Finally you had reached the door, both of you going through too many tissues and looking at each other with teary eyes and matching pink noses.

“before i go” bucky turned, pulling away from the handle and into his jacket pocket, you could hear the jingling of metal. “I want you to have these, until we can be together again” he smiled, holding out his dog tags.

You didn’t know what to say, tears flowing down your cheeks again as you looked at him. Bucky hugged you, letting you cry into his chest for a moment before you calmed down.

“are you sure buck? I mean they must mean so much to you” you looked at him and he smiled, nodding before easily putting them on you, his heart fluttering as he took in the sight of them on you.

“I’ll see you soon dollface” Bucky smiled, kissing your temple and you nodded, hands clutching his dog tags.

“see you soon lovebug, I’ll be waiting here for you” you smiled, loving the way he blushed at the new nickname.

When you found out about steve finding him in Romania you acted surprised, guilt washing over you for hiding the information from your friend but you knew it’s what bucky wanted.

You offered to go help him and Sam on the rescue mission but they stopped you, telling you it was best for you to stay out of this one. You wanted to argue but you couldn’t blame them, you had been a wreck after bucky left, barely sleeping and crying over your soulmate.

You didn’t expect the bombing at the UN, bucky being framed and the whole team falling out. You had been in New York the whole time, skipping out on the meeting with the accords because you just so happened to have the flu that week.

“oh yeah stay home i can’t afford you getting everyone sick” tony has spoken over the phone, hanging up on you, a frown on your face. Not ten minutes later did you get a notification saying food was being delivered to your house, nice warm soup along with some medicine to help you feel better.

You least expected steve flying you out to wakanda, eyes wide as you took in all the technology, heart thumping in your chest knowing bucky would be right around the corner.

You felt your heart stop as you saw him in a white tank top, running up to him and wrapping your arms around him. Your cheeks hurt from how much you were smiling and bucky held you tightly with his right arm, leaning into your touch.

“oh doll I’ve missed you so damn much” he mumbled, a smile on his face as the two of you held each other for the first time in months.

“missed you so much more james” you spoke breathless, pulling away before placing a gentle kiss on his lips, the two of you smiling and resting your foreheads against each other.

“y/n-” you pressed your lips to his, quieting him. Pulling away you looked at him with love in your eyes, heart racing as he smiled at you softly.

“Steve already told me” you explained, knowing how much it would pain him to tell you. Bucky nodded, his lips curling into a gentle smile as he looked at you. His eyes landed on the outline of his dog tags under your shirt.

“you still have ‘em on” he whispered his eyes soft and his heart melting as you nodded.

“I never take them off lovebug” you replied, holding his hand in your as he smiled up at you. Steve placed a hand on your shoulder signaling it was time.

You stepped away from bucky, his hand holding onto yours tighter, not wanting to let go. You made sure you kept his hand in yours, interlacing your fingers.

“You sure about this?” Steve spoke up and bucky nodded, a tight smile on his face as his eyes flickered between the two of you.

“i cant trust my own mind,” he chuckled dryly, “until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head i think going back under is the best thing” he looked at you with a soft smile, “for everybody.”

You squeezed his hand, nodding your head softly. “don’t worry lovebug, I’m yours forever” you whispered, a smile on your face as he recognized the phrase as the same on you had spoke to him in the flashes when you first touched.

“I’m yours forever, doll” Bucky spoke, kissing your temple before slipping his hand out of yours, and stepping into the machine.

You stood next to Steve as the machine whirred, looking away as it froze over. Steve put his arm around you, leading you away.

You held onto the memories you had made months ago in your apartment. You held onto the flashes you had gotten of the two of you having a picnic in the meadow, giggling with the sunset in the background.

You held onto bucky, your hope.

taglist !

@felicityofbakerstreet @newyork47 @classygirlything @ebxny27 @hhaydenn @miaangel24 @shawnie--jo @quinnmaddie @mugscraps @bucky-32557038 @marvelfansworld @hey-there-angels @buckys2thicc @groovyvalentine

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nicolesangel · 3 years

Text

nothing safe is worth the drive

pairing: wanda maximoff/reader

summary: you and wanda both get hurt on missions, just for completely different reasons. what happens when your anxiety for losing each other finally comes to a peak?

words: 2k

author’s note: very loosely based off of "treacherous" by taylor swift. specifically the lyrics "this hope is treacherous, this daydream is dangerous" and "nothing safe is worth the drive and i will follow you, follow you home". i absolutely did not do a thorough edit of this so please tell me if there is anything wrong! enjoy :-)

click here to read on ao3 or read below!

The compound was quiet today.

You lay in the medbay, an IV line in your arm, your closest friend, Wanda, sitting next to you. She had been next to you all night, waiting for you to wake up, but she’ll never tell you that.

The mission was going so well until the very end. You were supposed to find the weapons and secure them and then get out. There wasn’t supposed to be someone waiting for you at the exit; your path was supposed to be cleared by Natasha. You got out with only a few broken ribs and a concussion, fairly lucky, but when you got back to the jet, you blacked out.

When you finally awoke this morning, Wanda’s eyes were shining with relief. She squeezed your hand before letting go so you could readjust yourself. She handed you a glass of water silently; you gave a small smile back before taking a sip.

“Is everyone else okay?” Your voice was rough as you spoke your first words.

“Yeah,” Wanda sighed. “Actually, there was an emergency call. Everyone else has already headed out. i just wanted to make sure you were okay before I left.”

You panicked momentarily and sat up straighter. “Okay, give me ten and I’ll be ready to go.”

“Y/N, seriously? You aren’t going anywhere. Even if the doctors had okayed you, Tony has you suspended from missions for two weeks until you heal.”

“I just—“ you pause, groaning in pain as you shift your body toward Wanda. You now realize the room is almost completely dark, light just spilling in from the hallway. You sigh, “Fine. But please, Wanda, be extra careful. They can’t afford to lose you too.”

I can’t afford to lose you, you think.

“I promise, Y/N/N. Everything will be okay.” she squeezes your hand one last time before leaving.

You are left alone with with the dark and your racing mind. You can’t lose Wanda. She doesn’t know how much she means to you. Maybe you don’t even realize it yourself until now. You love her.

——

Everything did not end up okay. Despite her promise to you, Wanda ended up in the hospital bed beside yours. But, at least, she was conscious.

Your mind is racing with concern, sadness, anger (and love). You don’t even realize you’re staring at Wanda until she shoots you a glare, a bandage covering a huge gash on her forehead. “Your thoughts are loud. I appreciate your concern, but please, just turn your mind off and let me rest.”

You don’t even get a word in before Wanda is asleep. You lay on your back and stare up at the dim fluorescent lights. Your eyes are burning, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks. You want to sit next to Wanda and be there for her when she wakes up the way she had done for you.

Your body is aching, but you don’t know if it’s from the longing or the broken ribs. But despite your fighting, you also fall asleep.

When you wake up, the room is just as dark as it had been earlier. You have no idea what time it is, but it feels like no time has passed at all. You hear rustling sheets from next to you and notice that Wanda is awake, laying on her side, head propped up by her hand, staring directly at you with a small smile (or grimace, if you looked close enough, from the pain).

“Morning sleepyhead,” she whispers.

You turn yourself to face her, as much as you can without facing excruciating pain, and give her a gentle smile back. But your smile fades as quick as it came. “Wanda…”

Her expression immediately shifts to worry, her brows furrowing as she looks you up and down. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

“No,” you sigh, trying not to let your anxiety overwhelm you. You begin frantically whispering, “I was so scared Wanda. You told me you would be extra careful and yet, here you are in the same condition as me.”

“Y/N…”

“I could have lost you for good…” you mutter under your breath.

“Why would you think that? You know I can handle myself and it would never go that far.”

“I—“ you pause to swallow down a sob as tears begin finally slipping from your eyes. You almost let those three words escape your lips, but you couldn’t do that. Not now. Not when Wanda, and you, were injured and emotional and clearly frustrated with each other. “I just want you to be safe. That’s all.”

“No,” she growls, and you flinch. “It’s something more than that. I know you care, but please give up the act Y/N. What is this really about?”

You end up back how you started this conversation; eyes up at the ceiling, lying on your back. “It can wait, Wanda. Neither of us are in the condition to be fighting or crying or — whatever.”

“Fine,” she whispers, mirroring your position. “Just know, I feel the same way.”

——

When you wake up the next morning, you are discharged from the medbay and were ordered another week in bed to heal the concussion. You wanted to ask Wanda what she meant — what did she feel the same way about? — but she was still passed out when the nurse came to wheel you back to your room. It would have to wait.

The next week went by excruciatingly slow. The only human interaction you had was with the nurses that brought you food and medicine. And Natasha that one day.

She brought you dinner on your fourth day. You asked her to stay for a bit; you needed company after being (and feeling) alone for a while. She complied, sitting down beside you on the bed, stealing a bite of your food, gaining a glare from you.

“Nat,” you said quietly, testing out your voice after hours of silence, “what was the emergency that day? No one has told me…”

“We must have missed some of the weapons because we caught trucks moving grenades and dynamite from the same unit. But everything went as planned.”

You looked up at her with confusion. “But, if everything went well, then how did…”

Natasha rolled her eyes, a smirk crossing her lips. “She got that cut fighting for you.”

What does that mean? you thought. Confusion swept your mind. “Nat, what—“

“She found the guy who hurt you. Cursed him out. He punched her. Hard. She threw him around a bit before sending him our way.”

“Why would she do that? I told her to be careful.” You couldn’t believe what you heard. You couldn’t decide whether to be flattered or pissed.

“You know her. You should have known she wasn’t going to listen. She cares too much to let something like that go.” Natasha patted your hand before she walked toward the door.

Just as she reached the door, she paused and looked back at you. Tears are beginning to form again in your eyes. “You should tell her, you know.”

“What?” You locked eyes with Natasha.

“That you love her.”

Natasha was gone before you could respond. How did she know? Was it that obvious? you thought, your mind scrambling for a coherent thought. And did Natasha know something you didn’t? She did say that Wanda cared about you “too much”, but what does that—

Is that what Wanda was talking about when she said she felt the same way? Did she already know? There’s no way. How could she possibly know you love her when you only just realized it yourself?

It is now your first day off of bedrest and you take time to reacclimate yourself to the compound alone. You’re given smiles and nods and “I’m glad you’re okay!”s as you walk around. You weren’t expecting company when you returned to your room.

Wanda was wrapped up in a blanket on your bed, a book in her hands. As soon as she heard your footsteps entering the room, she put the book down and looked up at you with a shy, apologetic smile. “Hey,” she breathed out. “Can we talk?”

“I mean it doesn’t look like I have much of a choice, does it?” You slide into your bed beside Wanda. She offers you some of her blanket and you take it, ending up shoulder to shoulder with her.

Wanda looks over at you, empathy emitting from her emerald eyes. “I’m sorry I snapped at you the other day. I just— I hate to see you hurting and my emotions got the best of me and—“

“Natasha told me how you got hurt.”

Wanda sighs. “Of course she did.”

“Listen, Wand, you didn’t have to do that. I was fine! Really, you didn’t have to—“

“Yes I did!” You’re cut off abruptly by Wanda’s exasperation. Her eyes are sparkling with tears as she takes your hand in her own. “I did have to. Because I couldn’t handle seeing you so hurt and him getting away with hardly a scrape. I care too much about you.”

“But why did you put yourself in so much danger when I specifically asked you to be careful?” Your voice is elevated and now tears are slipping down both of your faces.

“Because I love you!”

The room fills with silence as you stare at each other, your mouth slightly agape as you squeeze Wanda’s hand.

You whisper, “you love me?”

Wanda gives you a sad smile. “I love you. So much it hurts. And it’s so scary how much I love you because what happens if I lose you? Even if you don’t love me in the way I love you, I am so scared that one day you’ll get hurt and I’ll lose you. I just—“

You cup Wanda’s cheek with your free hand. “I do love you in the way you love me. I really, really do.”

You lock eyes with each other before Wanda begins slowly leaning in. Her eyes flicker down at your lips before you close your own and connect your lips with hers. You’ve never been so happy or scared, but your heart is buzzing.

You separate before taking both of her hands in your own and placing them in your lap. You stare down at your intertwined fingers before speaking.

“I love you, but I’m so scared too. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you either.” You look up at Wanda before giving a timid smile. “But I want to do this with you. You’re my home. No matter how dangerous or scary it may be, I want to love you.”

“I have hope, you know.” Wanda takes one of her hands to push a piece of your hair behind your ear and lets it linger. “I know we are constantly putting ourselves in danger. It’s literally our job. But loving you is worth the risk. It’s worth the pain we will experience and the anxiety and anger because in the end of it all, it will always lead back to you. No matter what. You’re my home too.”

You lean in and kiss her again before wrapping yourself around her. She wraps her arms around your waist, holding on as if she would never let go.

“Are we really going to do this?” you whisper.

“There’s no way we aren’t doing this. Loving you is worth the risk of losing you.”

You separate enough to see Wanda’s face, her arms still around your waist, yours still resting around her shoulders, your foreheads resting against each other.

“God, I love you so much it hurts.”

“I love you just the same.”

#i am still absolutely in love with wanda and i will forever be in love #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wandavision #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda mcu #wanda x reader #natasha romanov #wanda maximoff fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing

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souichioneshots · 3 years

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Untitled Binzo x Reader Fic

SO uhhhh.... Binzo thinks about the reasons why he hates Y/N so much? IDK you guys are kinda like frenemies ???

This is the stupidest thing ive ever written...

Might make an NSFW continuation of this if anyone shows any interest tho lollll

Enjoy?????

Binzo could remember the day you two first met like it was yesterday.

He had been awoken by the sound of his father and uncle arguing in a nearby room. Although he could barely make out what they were saying, he could tell by the way he was screaming, his father had done something unbelievably stupid again.

As the door to his room slid open, Binzo quickly moved to ‘greet’ the sudden visitor, his chains holding him back just before he was able to reach the door. A smile spread across Binzo's face as he saw his father react in a panicked motion, jumping back to avoid his son's vicious attacks. However, Binzo's laughter was put to a stop when he saw a small figure move behind the older man.

Moving a bit to the side, Souichi revealed a girl, a little under Binzo’s age, who had been hiding behind him the entire time. She gripped onto the back of the false-gentleman’s suit jacket, obviously hesitant to enter the room.

Binzo's eyes widened in surprise as his father insisted, almost pushing her into the room forcefully. His eyes looked the girl up and down, trying to figure out why his father had brought her here, let alone why he decided it would be a good idea to bring her into the same room as him.

Her clothes were almost as tattered as his own. She had no shoes on her feet, but the socks that she wore were stained black with dirt and mud. From what he could see with the little lighting in his room, the exposed skin of her arms and legs were covered in scratches and bite marks. Her cold eyes stared at the pale boy as she walked in cautiously, immediately following the older man to the other side of the room. Binzo could remember how she ran her fingers through his father's greased-up hair as he placed the chains around her ankles. They exchanged a look that his mind could not understand at the time.

Getting up from the dirty floor, Souichi stated that the girl’s name was Y/N. A name so foreign to Binzo that he was sure it was made up.

As soon as his father finally left, Binzo tried to attack you. But, that was when he found out the truth. You were a monster just like him. An abomination that someone must have tried to get rid of, only for his own idiotic father to pick up and bring home like a kitten off the street. You bared your fangs at him as you backed away into the corner, trying to avoid his sudden yet expected attack. Binzo watched as you stayed low on the floor, staring at him with angered eyes.

He should have been happy to finally meet someone like him, but he wasn’t.

Binzo hated you.

You were an idiot. You could barely keep a hold on your victims, and on nights when you couldn’t secure a meal like him, you resorted to trying to catch and eat the bugs that crawled around the room. You were also idiotic enough to try to steal from him. Whenever he would get ahold of someone, you would try to get close and steal a small piece for yourself. Sometimes Binzo would be too busy to realize, but when he did, he would reach out as far as he could and use his long-sharp nails to scratch you away, leaving you to become a crying-hungry mess.

You also had a habit of not responding whenever he spoke to you. However, this was completely his fault. After you finally became comfortable enough to talk to him, he started to tease you, claiming that your voice was annoying and, using a piece of broken glass, threatening to cut out your pretty pink tongue to eat as a snack. From that day on, you didn’t utter a single word to him.

However, as time went by, Binzo started to find your presence to be slightly humorous. Specifically, whenever you tried to feed.

Binzo would always laugh whenever you dug your fangs too deep into someone’s neck and ended up getting completely doused in their blood when you pulled away. He thought it was a waste of a good drink, but worth it to see you freak out as you tried to stop the fast-paced bleeding.

Your hair also grew at an unnaturally fast rate as well. It was disgusting, but fun to pull on whenever he wanted to get your attention. It was also especially fun to watch your victims pull on your hair, stunning you for a moment, and getting a couple slaps and punches in as they tried to get away. But, Binzo wouldn’t allow that, stopping them at the last minute and dragging them back in your direction. However, you would always be too embarrassed and cry, refusing the meal he was kind enough to go after for you.

You were ungrateful. Idiotic. An amateur. Everything he hated bundled up into a small ball that dwelled in the corner of his room.

But on top of all that, the thing he hated the most was how you weren’t here now.

“Where’s Y/N!! Where is she!!” Binzo exclaimed to his physically and mentally exhausted aunt. She just stayed quiet, ignoring the child’s vicious words and actions. If she knew, she would have told him by now, but she didn’t.

Binzo looked around his dark messy room as he tried to think of what might have happened to you. It had been 2 nights since he last saw you.

If you had been moved to another room, he would be able to smell it. But you weren’t. You weren’t anywhere in the house in fact.

Could his father have decided that it was too much for him to support 2 cannibalistic children, and off’d you in the woods while he was sleeping? No way. He was the one who brought you here in the first place, he should have known what he was getting himself into.

Maybe you ran away, not wanting to be held captive and enslaved to work at a lunatic’s haunted house. That would explain why his father was also not around either. Maybe he had gone out in search of his most popular attraction.

No matter the reason, you weren’t here now, and Binzo hated you for that.

As the raven-haired boy finally started to calm down, he laid down in his cage, his eyes fluttered shut, unable to keep their focus on the door of his room anymore.

However, he was suddenly awoken by a loud scream.

It was his aunt. She had left the room, leaving him alone while he was asleep. Her voice was loud, but not angry. It sounded almost cheerful. An emotion he hadn’t heard from her in the longest time.

Binzo jumped to his feet as the door to his room slid open. There stood his father, alone from what he could see, cigar burning away in his mouth as he smiled. Binzo tightly gripped the bars of his cage, a feeling of rage boiled inside him like nothing he had ever felt before.

However, that emotion quickly washed away when he saw a familiar face appear from behind his father.

There you stood. Alive and in one piece.

Just like the first time you two had met, Souichi forced you into the room. Binzo’s eyes looked you up and down as you cautiously walked in. Gripping the hem of the older man's suit jacket, you stared back at the pale boy.

Your hair had been cut, shorter than before. You were also wearing a kimono similar to his aunt. You looked almost like a doll. It was weird how he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.

Binzo watched as his father put the chains around your ankles again, your hand running through his greasy hair. You two exchanged that look he couldn’t understand again.

Binzo barely listened as his father warned him not to fuck up your clothes. As Souichi finally left the room, Binzo put his hands on the lock of his cage and, using his nails, undid it.

Crawling out of the cage, he stood onto his feet and he looked at you. Although he was still only in his early teens, he was starting to grow extremely tall, a gene he inherited from his mother no doubt.

Binzo felt his heart start to race as you looked up at him, your eyes sparkled as they reflected the small amount of light that leaked in the room. It was almost like you were giving him the same look you and his father would often exchange.

Without a word, he forcefully shoved you to the ground. “Stop looking at me!” He exclaimed.

You probably thought he was jealous that his father actually let you go out, got you nice clothes, and even treated you like you were an actual human being. But that was far from the truth. He didn't really mean to push you so hard, but his emotions had gotten the better of him.

Binzo yelled out in pain as you kicked him for pushing you so hard. Just before you could kick him again, he moved to straddle you.

Putting his weight onto your stomach, he held your wrists on both sides of your head. You growled as he brought his face close to your neck and took a deep breath. It had been so long since he smelled your scent. However, this time it was different.

“You smell delicious.” He said in a hungry voice, drool dripping from his lips as he showed you his fanged teeth. You squirmed under him, knowing that he didn’t mean that as a compliment. “I thought my dad killed you. But now I see that he just dolled you up so I can do it myself. Kishishishi!” Twisting your head to the side, you dug your fangs into his arm.

“OW! You bitch!” Binzo screamed as he pulled his arm away from you. His long fingernails left a scratch across your face as he slapped you hard.

Baring your fangs once more, you pushed him off of you and rushed to get away. However, your chains didn't let you get far.

Binzo grabbed your legs just before you could go any further. His nails dug into the thick fabric that made up your kimono, tearing it a bit as he pulled you closer to him. Flipping you onto your back, he put himself on top of you.

You squirmed in a panic as the boy wrapped his arms and legs around you, restraining you from getting away. Not having eaten anything in a while, you soon became unable to continue fighting with the monstrous boy.

Binzo’s heartbeat slowed down as you started to relax, his body unconsciously trying to mimic the pace at which you breathed. You whined as he tightened his grip on you a bit more, making sure that you wouldn’t try to slip away from him again.

Pressing his head into your hair, he breathed in the new scents that covered your body. The smell of the brand new kimono you wore mixed with the fruity shampoo you had used made him doubt that you were really the same creature he had shared a room with 2 nights ago.

“Where did you go…?” He asked, his words slightly muffled by your hair.

Your body tensed as he dug his nails deeper into the fabric of your clothes, trying to force a reply out of you, but ultimately receiving nothing back.

He hated that you wouldn’t talk to him…

#binzo #binzo tsujii #binzo x reader #souichi x reader #souichi tsujii x reader #tw//violence?#like binzo is a mean bitch #ahaha #idk what im doing with my life anymore #just take this shit and block me please

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hockeyboysimagines · 3 years

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Requests

I’ve decided to start taking some requests. I really enjoyed doing them for the Song Series, so I figured what the heck why not! Please refer to my Masterlist to see who I wrote for and who I don’t. You may request anonymously or not.

To make things a little more fun this is how it will work.

You can either request a prompt or an idea of your own with a reader insert (Y/N)

You can request a prompt or an idea of your own with one of the boys and the character they’re linked to in one my original fics.

I think this will be a lot of fun and I’m really excited to see what you guys want. They will be answered as I get to them, so if your request doesn’t pop up right away, please know that I am working on it! I reserve the right to refuse doing something I am uncomfortable with. If you would like a request for a player who’s not on my Masterlist, please ask. I’m willing to add to it(But also have a backup player from the list as well please).

Here are the prompts! I will link this post in my Masterlist!

Have fun! -💕

Drabbles

1."Let's kiss and see where it takes us."

2."Idiots. They are all idiots.

3."What do you mean you got married in accident?”

4."It's impossible to get rid of me."

5."Sometimes, I don't know why I put up with you."

6."This is stupid. And kind of fun."

7."I may have lost it.”

8."High heels do look good on you."

9."Roadtrip!”

10."I'm annoyed, to say it mildly.”

11."Well, we can't fix it now."

12."I'm not touching that!"

13."You're not getting sea sick, are you?"

14."It's not what you think it is."

15."Did you eavesdrop?

16."The world is not ready for us."

17."What kind of sick dream is this?"

18."You're a legend, man!"

19."I'm just so tired."

20."I volunteer myself to go last."

21."Your handwriting is atrocious."

22."This whole thing is a mess!”

Smut prompts

1.“really? right here? you know people are going to see us...”

2. “be quiet, you wouldn’t want all your friends hearing us right?”

3. “are you sure about this?”

4. “no one could make you feel as good as i do”

5. “i’m going to ruin that pretty makeup”

6. “you make the prettiest sounds, i could listen to you all day”

7. “scream my name, show everyone whos fucking you so good right now”

8. “look at you, so wet already. i havent even touched you yet”

9. “are you going to go back to your friends like that? you look a mess darling”

10. “ dont worry, ill take good care of you.”

11. “you can be louder than that”

12. “tell me what you want me to do”

13. “ive never wanted to fuck someone as badly as i want to fuck you rn.

14.”i guess ill just have to get myself off.”

15. “do you want help with that?”

16. “good girl/boy”

17.“youre doing so good love”

18. “im going to fuck you until you forget that assholes name”

19.”im going to make you feel so good”

20.“you cant be that innocent y/n”

21.”i’m going to ruin you”

22. “

Romance prompts

1.“I could listen to you talk all day.”

2.“Have I already told you how cute you look?”

3.“One kiss is just never enough.”

4.“Not to sound cheesy, but your smile really lights up the room.”

5.“I cannot find the words to describe how I feel about you.”

6.“Being happy, fortunately coincides with making you happy.”

7.“Call me when you get home, so I know you’re safe.”

8.“Tonight was just perfect.”

9.“However many years we have left, I want to spend them all with you.”

10.“I have the feeling that you’re trying not to kiss me and I give you permission to just do it.”

11.“Sometimes, being with you feels like a dream that I don’t ever want to wake up from.”

12.“Being half-asleep is a very good look on you.”

13.“You can always talk to me, I will always be here for you.”

14.“I’ve missed you so much.”

15. “Do you want to know what I love most about you?”

16. “Do you remember that first night we met?”

17. “It’s always been you, and it will always be you. Please never forget that.”

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fidothefinch · 3 years

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maybe it's enough (to know that we were here together)

For Dick & Damian Week 2021, day 2: "He's my son!"

I wrote this over the last two hours. Fair warning, it is not proofread. Title from Kina Grannis's "For Now," for fake-deep reasons.

(More warnings: this story strongly features hospitals and difficulty breathing (and poison). Please take care of yourselves and skip it if it will hurt you, especially because of the last year we've all shared <3)

Nightwing woke up with a gasp like it was the first breath he had taken in a long time. He floundered for a moment, instinctively worried he had just surfaced from Gotham’s harbor (it wouldn’t be the first time), but it only took one hard smack of his wrist to recognize the very solid ground beneath himself.

Panting, he leveraged himself to his side to empty his stomach onto the concrete.

Something was wrong. He tried to check his surroundings, but he was only able to make out grey blobs that may have been buildings and wildly swinging lights.

No, they weren’t swinging. That was just his vision.

He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could just will vertigo away. It wasn’t a feeling he was used to; growing up swinging from a trapeze conditioned him to enjoy the swoop in his stomach. But right now, he was either on a boat or drugged.

Sirens doppler-ed towards and away from him, somewhere down below. Definitely drugged, then.

He lifted one hand to his pounding head and was happy to find his domino was still in place. So were his gloves. But when he checked, he was missing an Escrima stick and a handful of wingdings. He grappled with his memory, trying to pull up some idea of what could have happened. A fight, obviously. But was he in Gotham? Blüdhaven? Somewhere overseas?

He flipped to his back and stared at the sky, still breathing like he had just run a marathon. Drawing in air was like drinking through a silly straw. Above him, the sky was a mottled green-black, the wind rolling the clouds inland. The motion threatened to make him sick again. He considered the merits of rolling to his side, just in case, when his eyes caught the flicker of a familiar shape against the clouds.

The Batsignal.

So, he was in Gotham. Now that he thought about it, that felt right. He could recall riding in earlier on his bike, the wind whipping through his hair, weaving through wild traffic. But traffic had been going the wrong way? Everybody had been leaving the island. . .

He sat up suddenly. “Robin!”

Sitting up was a bad idea. He pushed through his temporary blindness to wobble to his feet, anyway. “Robin!” he called again.

Damian didn’t answer. He was nowhere to be found.

More sirens rang down below him, passing in the same direction the last set had. Dick scrambled to the edge of the roof to watch the ambulance pass. What he found took his breath away. Cars lined both sides of the road, all headed toward the bridge that led off the island. All empty, abandoned. There didn’t seem to be a soul in sight, except the emergency response vehicles speeding down the clear sidewalks.

Everything snapped into focus, and Dick’s memory returned. Somebody had called the Gotham PD with a thirty-minute warning before releasing an aerosolized drug into the sewer system. Nightwing had sped into town as quickly as he could, and Batman teamed him up with Robin to cover the south quarter, and they had gotten separated—where was Damian?

Dick leapt off the building, shooting his grapnel as he fell to swing into a perfect arc to the ground. His bike wasn’t within eyesight, so it was too far. He took off, running after the ambulance.

Toward the hospital.

“Sir, you can’t be here.”

Dick had never seen the hospital so busy. Patients were lined up along the walls and hallways, crammed into the rooms like sardines. The staff actually ran between beds, looking haggard and exhausted already. Dick stood out like a sore thumb in his Nightwing gear, but nobody had the time or energy to move him.

Except the head nurse, behind the desk. “You have to leave,” she said. “We don’t have room.”

“Is Robin here?” Dick asked. He had scanned the pinched faces of the patients he passed on the way back into the ER, but nobody was familiar. He was almost thankful; the victims of the poison were sweating profusely and gagged on their own breath.

“I can’t tell you that,” the nurse said.

“I need to know that he’s okay,” he pleaded, leaning into his palms. They had been planted on the desk for stability, but now they were the only thing grounding him in his panic. “Please.”

All of Gotham was supposed to be evacuated, but there were still so many people too slow, too many people without a way off the island. When the threatened poison hit the city, there were too many people left behind. Nightwing had rushed over from Blüdhaven as fast as he could, but by the time he had joined the rest of the Bats it was too late. Half of Gotham was sick. Dying.

And somewhere in the panic, as noxious steam shot from the sewers and spilled from the vents, he had lost Robin.

The nurse studied his face, her lips pursed. “Robin was admitted two hours ago.”

Dick’s knees nearly buckled with relief (it had nothing to do with his legs feeling like jelly). “Where is he?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not?” Maybe the words were clipped, but he didn’t have time for this.

“No visitors. Hospital rules.”

“He’s just a kid!”

“Then maybe you should have helped him evacuate,” she said, levelling a glare at him that could melt glass. “Instead of encouraging him to run straight into the line of danger.”

Now Dick growled. “You don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“I think he’s better off here than with you.”

“He’s my son!” Dick slammed his fist on the counter between them, making the nurse jump. He would have time to feel guilty about it later. “If you don’t tell me where he is, I’ll find him myself.”

She opened and closed her mouth a few times, not getting any words out.

“Nightwing!” somebody else called. Dick spun around (too quickly), and another nurse was gesturing quickly behind herself. “I’ll take you to him.”

“Moira—” the head nurse started. But she wasn’t fast enough to catch Dick as he weaved through the maze of gurneys.

The nurse had dark circles under her eyes, and her bun was frayed. “Pediatric wing,” she huffed, already jogging down a wide white hallway. Dick followed, heart racing. “His oxygen was too low. He must have gotten a face-full of the stuff.”

“What does that mean?” Dick asked.

Her face screwed up. “He’s on a ventilator.”

Dick’s heart squeezed in panic at the words. He began to mentally prepare himself for what he would find.

The nurse he was following stopped abruptly, almost making him run into her. She flipped a hand at a set of double doors. “Stairs,” she explained. “You’ll have to go up to the third floor. Room 329.”

Dick didn’t question why she wasn’t coming; she had work to do. He nodded as he pushed through one of the doors. “Thanks.”

By the time he reached the third floor, he could tell that he had been dosed. Maybe not as badly as the other patients there, but three flights of stairs should have been child’s play for him. He arrived to patient hallway sweating and panting too hard, jelly legs making their displeasure felt.

There were doctors and nurses in this wing, too, but they were also scrambling too quickly to give him more than a passing glance. The crammed hallways on this floor were even more disconcerting, because the flushed, moaning faces were those of children.

None of them were the one he was looking for.

He forced himself to slow down, not able to bear the idea of passing Damian’s room and missing him accidentally. When he found room 329, he steeled himself before barreling through the door.

There were two beds crammed inside the small space, made possible only because the beds were child-sized. The smiling clouds painted on the ceiling were a harsh contrast to the dark, noisy machines wound around the beds.

Damian was in one of them.

Dick rushed to his side, sparing barely a glace toward the other child. Damian looked tiny, dwarfed by the size of the gurney and the mouth of the ventilator. His domino was in place, but somebody had flipped the screen over the eyes back, so Dick could see that Damian was asleep. The IV in his elbow connected to several bags, and Dick had no doubt at least one of them was a sedative. They would have to, to put him on the ventilator.

Dick snaked his gloved fingers into Damian’s bare ones and squeezed lightly. Even through the gloves, he could feel the smallest pulse.

He legs threatened to give out beneath him again.

And, well. Then they did.

A passing doctor saw him just as he had sprawled on the floor like a starfish. “Nightwing? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Dick shook his head, gesturing to his chest about the tightness still persisting htere. “Just dizzy.”

The doctor clucked his tongue, reaching out to the chair wedged into the corner. “Think you can get in this chair?”

Dick nodded (a mistake), and with the doctor’s help he was able to slide into the seat. The doctor flit out of the room and returned less than a minute later with a nasal cannula and oxygen tank.

Dick waved it away. “I’m fine.”

The doctor rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh, and I am, too.”

Dick didn’t fight it when she applied it. The steady stream of dry oxygen through his nose was a relief, and his head began to clear again almost immediately. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” the doctor waved.

Dick stopped her on her way out the door again. “Wait.”

She paused, obviously a little irritated at being interrupted.

Dick blushed in apology. “When will he be taken off the ventilator?” he asked, gesturing toward Damian, in the bed.

The doctor only shrugged. “When he’s ready.” And she left, hustling toward her next patient.

Dick pulled his glove off and ran his free hand through Damian’s hair, brushing back the strays. It was still damp with sweat.

However long Damian was asleep, Dick would be there when he woke up.

#dickanddamiweek2021 #dick grayson #damian wayne #batfam #fido writes #dick & damian

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rogue-durin-16 · 3 years

Text

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part III/VII)

"shock therapy"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst mostly

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: language, grief, allusions to suicide, mentions of death, let me know if I missed something

A/N: okay this is... Kinda dark, but I mean, expected given the prompt I'm working with lmao, I'd say enjoy but... Well, enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

It began with small actions, like waking up earlier than me, or taking on making breakfast himself.

I thought he was feeling better.

Then came the big actions, like deciding to switch places with me an working with the clients while I made the shippings.

I started to feel something was off the third day since the exchange; I escaped the office to visit him and he could have easily passed as the giant mannequin in our façade.

"Are you alright?" I questioned in a worried whisper near his ear.

"Of course." I knitted my brows, puzzled at his response. He noticed how odd it had been due to my face, and that forced smile fell for a second as he leaned on me to place a kiss on my crown. "Don't worry about me, darling."

Before I could insist, his attention was stolen by a couple of very confused clients.

The following night in the flat, while we were making dinner, it seemed he had gone back to his usual demeanor, so I figured he was making extra effort to look happy in front of the customers.

I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong, though, something between us; I couldn't pinpoint it, yet knew it existed.

It was that same night that I got a grip of what was going on, when the bed's weight shifted, shaking me out of my sleep just in time to hear a muffled sob followed by a shaky breath.

"George?" His eyes met my own as I propped myself on my forearms.

"Did I wake you?" He questioned, his voice as quiet as mine. "Sorry, love."

Sometimes —more often than not— when he called me that name, I would feel butterflies in my stomach, and the fact that it was normally accompanied by some kind of physical contact didn't help at all.

He extended his arm to reach my hand, his thumb caressing the back of my palm. "Go back to sleep." He commanded in a soft whisper, getting up and walking towards the door.

As the door closed, my chest ached at the mere possibility of us going back to the first week we spend together in the flat after the war.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I went straight to the kitchen and splashed my face with water before pouring myself a glass of milk.

Y/n had the brilliant idea of throw away all the alcohol in our apartment to avoid falling into bad habits as a copying mechanism, and, in all honesty, it was one of her best ones.

Grabbing the glass, I made my way to the living room, plopping down on the couch; I wouldn't even try to fall asleep there— it was proven impossible during the first week.

I had to snap out of it and start to sleep in my own room; the war left us all scarred in s million ways, and one of them included that even the slightest, quietest movement would wake you up, and I knew for a fact that Y/n wasn't getting one single night of sound sleep, and I was the one to blame.

"Oi," Speaking of which.

"What are you doing up?"

"Checking on you." She responded, leaning against the doorframe "You alright?" I nodded, but she walked to the couch either way, sitting down and letting herself fall over my chest. "You've been acting weird." She mumbled, snugging her face on my chest and consequently making my heart swell. "You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

I hummed, my chin resting over her crown as my arm wrapped around her. "I know." I murmured, knowing very well it was lie.

There was several things I couldn't and wouldn't tell her ever, but I wouldn't let her know that. "C'mon, go back to bed."

"Not without you." It wasn't more than a mumble, since she was beginning to fall asleep on my chest, but it was loud enough to trigger me.

How many times I had dreamed of having her just like this, how many times had I yearned to wrap my arms around her and never let go, to kiss her, to sleep with her before the war; I still did.

I still wanted to kiss all her sadness away, to be able to call her mine; I still loved her in a way I shouldn't, and somehow it felt even more wrong now that Fred was gone.

It took me a moment to realise she had, in fact, fallen asleep. I carried her back to her bed and lay her down, carefully pulling the sheets to cover her.

I lay down too, promising myself I would face my fears the next day— I owe her that, at the very least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n had left the apartment to go down the Diagon Alley to buy groceries and a new blouse.

It's now or never, I thought to myself, standing at the start of the hallway. I took a deep breath and made my way to my room with my bags hanging on my shoulders.

You can do this.

I reached for the knob with shaky hands and turned it.

You can do this.

My arms pushed the door open in a swift movement, my eyes anxiously scanning the room as if I was expecting to find a monster inside.

But there was no monster, it was just my room; a bit dusty and with a musty smell, but still my room.

I left my bags on the floor and sat on the edge of my bed. It wasn't scary, nor haunted, as I thought it would be, and I felt a weight off my shoulders; Y/n would be able to sleep the nights through, instead of waking up every now and then to my gasps and sobs.

Since it had been way easier than I thought it would be, I decided to take it a step further; I would have to enter there sooner rather than later to clean, so why not now?

Oh, what a big mistake I had made.

READER'S P. O. V.

"I'm back!" Somehow, I had managed to climb upstairs whilst carrying all the bags without tripping. "Did you know that Florean Fortescue's has three new ice cream flavours?" I threw the Twilfitt and Tatting’s bag on the sofa and made my way to the kitchen. "Don't be mad but I got you something at Twilfitt and Tatting’s!" Laying the groceries over the counter, I frowned at George's lack of responses. "George?" I left the kitchen and took a look around the flat; maybe he was down in the shop?

I was about to go downstairs when I saw a crack of light down the hall, one coming from a partially open door —from Fred's door.

My heart pounded hard against my chest as I made my way to the part of the house we rarely got to.

I knew George had to be inside, but the fact that no sound was coming out of the room —no sobs, no weeping, no ragged breathing— was about to put me under cardiac arrest.

What if during the last week he had gotten worse —rock bottom kind of worse— and that was why he had been acting so distant? What if those 'don't worry about me's had been foreshadowing something terrible?

I shut my eyes, my pulse hammering as I pushed the door open, dreading to find a horrifying scenario.

Open your fucking eyes, Y/n.

I couldn't help the sigh of relief when I saw George kneeled in the middle of the room, alive and breathing.

Then, I doubled checked and realized that maybe he wasn't that much alive. I circled the ginger so we could be face to face, and my heart shattered at the sight in front of me; his eyes were puffy, his cheeks pale, his nose red and streaks of freshly shed tears wetting his face. His hands clutched onto something that I quickly recognised as Fred's blazer, and my breath caught up in my throat.

"George..." I called his name in a quiet whisper; somehow it felt like we were trespassing.

He then looked up at me, eyes hollow, and spoke words so harsh that they burned, even if they weren't meant to hurt me. "It should have been me."

"George—"

"It should've been me there, I should've gone with Percy."

"Please—"

"It should've been me, not him." I felt my eyes watering, slightly blurring my vision as the man before me kept talking. "He had a life— he had you, I didn't have anything but him." His gaze was now casted down, and I no longer knew if he was speaking to me or to himself. "What am I compared to him? It should be me six feet under, not him."

That last sentence was what snapped me out of the state I was in. "Look at me." I commanded, kneeling in front of him and cupping his cheeks. "Do you think Fred would've wanted you to think that?" His lower lip quivered; we rarely said his name out loud anymore. "He would have beaten your ass. Don't you dare think like that ever again, you hear me?"

"But it's true—"

"No it's not!" I yelled, making him flinch. "It's not, George." I repeated, this time softer, my thumbs caressing his cheeks soothingly. "You're sweet, creative, caring and smart, and I'm so happy to have you here with me." His eyes closed, eyebrows knitted and lips pursed. "You're your own person, and that person is amazing." He leaned on, letting his forehead fall on my shoulder, my hands travelling to his back and hair as his arms wrapped around my waist.

"I miss him, Y/n." He confessed. "I miss him so much— it hurts."

“I miss him too, but I can’t let you lose yourself because of him.” I explained, planting a chaste kiss on his temple. “I cannot lose you too, okay?” I whispered, loud enough for him to hear.

"I'm sorry." His breath fanned on my neck, sending shivers down my spine. "I wanted to get better, so you didn't have to take care of me."

"Oi," I squeezed him tighter, if possible. "We're taking care of each other." His face buried deeper in the crook of my neck and I had to hold back a content sigh. "We can do this— together." I stated. "You can't go on your own for shock therapy— it doesn't work like that." He nodded. "You gave me a big scare."

"I'm really sorry." His hand, which, until then had been holding onto the blazer, let go of it in order to rub my back.

We stayed like that in silence for Merlin knows how long before I spoke against his shoulder, "I bought chocolate strawberries ice cream."

"Is that a thing?" I hummed affirmatively. He slowly pulled away, his hands leaving my back to rest on my waist before they held mines, pulling me up with him. We gazed into each other's eyes for an instant that felt like an eternity. "I didn't mean to scare you, love." He assured me, pulling me into another hug, this one only long enough for him to kiss my crown.

"I know." I pulled away, giving him a small smile that he managed to return, most likely involuntarily. "Wanna try that ice cream?" He nodded and I led him out of the room. "I also bought you a tie at Twilfitt and Tatting’s."

"Why would you buy anything from there?" His voice was starting to recover some strength as we walked to the kitchen with our hands interlaced.

"'Cause it was a very pretty tie." I defended myself, going to the sofa to grab the fancy bag while George went to grab a couple of spoons and the ice cream. "Look."

He walked to me and examined the tie. "Okay, it's quite pretty." He agreed, offering me one of the spoons.

"Told you." I handed him the tie and he gave it another look before leaning down to kiss my cheek.

"You didn't have to buy me anything." That small smile appeared again, making my heart swell.

"Well, I wanted to." I went to sit on the couch and he followed my lead, carefully leaving the tie over the backrest so he could open the tub.

"Sweet." He commented, dipping his spoon into the ice cream and handing me the container. We ate it in silence and, once we finished, his voice filled the room. "I think I might go for a nightwalk."

"It'll do you good." I nodded, bringing my knees to my chest and curling up in the couch after he took the spoon away from me and got up to leave it in the sink.

"Do you wanna come?" His quiet, almost sheepish question made my head turn to the kitchen door. "I mean— you've just come back but—" He left the kitchen, staring at me expectingly, scratching the back of his neck. "uh... if you wanna come, I could use some company."

"I'd love to." I didn't even notice the way my gaze lighted up until I saw it reflected on his own features, that shone with the slightest tinge of joy.

The fact that I was able to do that only by smiling at him made my tummy flutter.

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