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llovelymoonn · 8 months

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ellen bass poetry of presence: an anthology of mindfulness poems: "the thing is" \\ marya hornbacher waiting (via @weltenwellen) \\ tory dent collected poems: "us"

kofi

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sinligh · 1 year

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In the name of healing I bite chunks of myself daily, spit them out in my hand with the intention to wash it away later

Eventually, i end up over analyzing them, like everything else in my life

grafts of all the causes I’m still here, glued together by my mother’s fears

be the Alpha female, she said. “feed on your most beloved, a cup of the moon’s blood every night before bed for you to run alone forever, run wild, never slip”

I Shower myself with self-loathing, lick my own wounds close Keep me sane, keep me safe

loneliness to me is just another insecurity that is dangling from my prefrontal cortex, dangling right in front of my eyes… for me to see the world through it.

I spend hours looking at the bloody chunks in my hand, thinking where did i go wrong ? how much can I hold on to this heartache ?

I've been running around it all my life, running around red lines, red lines circle me, i run in circles around myself I’m all that I’ve ever knew, yet, I only know myself in fading

A distant memory, a deja vu…

All I really know, is that the only stable in my life is the fact that I exist, and that it’s a temporary state.

jamais vu.

will the lines fade if i eat what i bit off of myself again ? if i chew and chew and chew… If i teach myself to stomach it will i be whole again?

is holding on to those pieces enough to satisfy my desire to be held ?

Or does it make me a feral rogue ?

Schizophrenic delusions ticking in my head…

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my fault that I’m this alone…

then again I wasn’t the one feeding myself all the insecurities as a young child.

I wasn’t the one playing pretend.

It was never my fault, my mother thought faking happiness is the way to protect me, it was never my fault father wasn’t interested in the details, as long as I was his perfect girl…

Now, I can’t hold on to anything the way i hold on to the lunatic turmoil that makes me sway and laugh on my own personal misery.

Call it history.

Hide behind defensive humor, get my inner demons drunk on caffeine, mistake that high for happiness cause mama did too…

And wait for caffeine withdrawal to wake us up, both of us…

I’ve never been hangover, but I imagine this is how it’ll feel

The aura ? The migraine?

The urge to throw myself up to be reborn clean.

•••

•Quotes: Olivia Laing/Heather Havrilesky/ Olivia Laing/ Marya Hornbacher/Anaïs Nin/Camille Norton/ Alice Oseman/ eduardo C. Corral/anne carson/ Joanne Harris/ Hannah Green/Hannah Green/Lisel Mueller

•Original context: sinligh

•Art reference:

1. Sasha Hartslief, Late Night Shower, 2021. 2. Getting Up by Vincent Giarrano. 3.illustration by Owen Gent. 4. The Lovers on the Bridge, 1991. 5. "Beverly Edmier 1967' Keith Edmier, 1998

•song recommendation:

P.s: the whole album is a masterpiece ! Give it a try, thank me later.

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asoftepiloguemylove · 1 year

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i always imagined this would happen without warning, like suddenly on an ocean cliff side but this is the kind of thing where waiting for the time to be right would just mean waiting forever.

Marya Hornbacher Waiting / @/nihil (on pinterest) / Louise Glück Twilight / Sleeping At Last Eight / unknown / Leila Chatti Postcard from Gone / Marya Hornbacher Waiting

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perfectfeelings · 9 days

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And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.

Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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thoughtkick · 1 year

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And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.

Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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defyinggod · 1 year

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Marya Hornbacher, Wasted

NBC Hannibal

#hannibal #hannigram #marya hornbacher #mine

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quotefeeling · 2 months

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And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.

Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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entrop-y · 1 year

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—marya hornbacher, wasted

SPENCER REID AND MAEVE DONNOVAN: SEASON 8 EPISODE 20, "ALCHEMY"

#very mixed feelings about this coloring #but feeling sad about them today </3 #spencer reid #maeve donovan #spencer reid gif #spencer reid gifset #marya hornbacher #criminal minds #cm #mgg #criminal minds gifs #my gifs

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oldwinesoul · 11 months

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“𝐼 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑢𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑑, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒. 𝐼 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑢𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝐼 𝑐𝑟𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ. 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑑 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑡𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑠𝑜 𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘.”

—Marya Hornbacher, Wasted

#poets on tumblr #dark academia #aesthetic #spilled poetry #words #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #19th century #vintage #love poem #marya hornbacher

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need-grows-teeth · 9 months

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#web weaving #body image #body dismorphia tw #taylor swift #kirsten dunst #ed recovery #james baldwin #marya hornbacher #Alejandro Casanova

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lillyli-74 · 1 year

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Photography by Iness Rychlik

But I was full of silence I didn’t know how to break.

~Marya Hornbacher

#iness rychlik #marya hornbacher

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thehopefulquotes · 1 year

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And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.

Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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asoftepiloguemylove · 9 months

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Hii hope you are well! I love your web weaves and I realise this might be difficult but I was hoping if you could do one on the topic of how people put on masks to interact with society, but soon their masks become them and they have trouble figuring out how much of the mask is 'them' and how much of it is fake( the mask). Sort of an identity crisis?

Thank you so much!!

thank you so much <33 i hope you're doing well too !!

Marya Hornbacher Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power / Solaris (1972) dir. Andrei Tarkovsky / Miranda July It Chooses You / Black Swan (2010) dir. Darren Aronofsky / Rainer Maria Rilke Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God