#may we NEVER meet that jackass again

[silentglassbreak]

Fragmented

Noah Sebastian x OFC

Onward we go. This one is a little shorter, but it ended where it was supposed to. Bear with me folks. I love you!

Warnings: discussions of the sexuals, alcohol consumption, getting pissed at the main character tbh

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86

Part 2 - Voices In My Head

The absolute worst thing a man can endure is being away from his child and his girl. Hands down. It’s excruciating, being pulled away from my reasons for breathing. It’s worse than dying, which may sound dramatic, but trust me - it’s true.

Yet here I sat, waiting at the table, meet and greet starting in five minutes. We had been on tour for a month now, and I was already over it. Sure, being on stage helped me forget for an hour and a half, but as soon as that high I rode came down, it was just enduring until I could get back to my room and call Mileena, and see her and Addison’s faces.

“You alright, dude?” Nick’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I just looked at him, sat next to me, Sharpie already uncapped.

“Yeah, why?”

“You just seemed spaced.”

I huffed out a long breath. “Just homesick dude. Missing the girls.”

He nodded in understanding. “We’ll be there soon enough. Only three days till we play San Diego. Leena’s coming down, right?”

“Yeah, her Dad’s at the house while I’m gone, so he’s going to babysit.”

“Right, yeah, Laura mentioned he was going to watch her so the girls could come.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “You talked to Laura?”

I saw him avert his gaze, the first wave of fans coming to the table.

“Oh, uh,” We both stood to greet them. “yeah we texted a little.”

He was avoidant, but now already talking to a tall girl wearing one of our t-shirts.

Well, we would be unpacking that later.

I was waist deep in autographs, photos, hugs, words of adoration and appreciation. Maybe this also helped distract me too, making it easy to smile and joke with the people who come by.

I was helping a guy unfold his shirt for me to sign while making small talk with him when I felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Noah?”

I peeked over my shoulder to see Rachel, one of our tour assistants, standing and smiling at me.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“T-minus ten minutes, then you’ve got to get stage ready. Your clothes are in the green room, and your ski masks are on the stairs on stage.” She had an earpiece in that she had to take out to speak to me clearly, undoubtedly getting shouted at on the other end.

“Okay, thanks Rach.”

She gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Anytime, hon.”

-

Tonight’s show was just off. First, Jolly broke a string during Artificial Suicide, making him have to switch to his backup rig, and it never played as well. Then, the fucking security guards damn near let a crowd surfer on stage. My voice kept going fucking flat for no good reason, which was an entirely different issue of its own. And finally, the icing atop the God damn cake, was that three fights broke out, forcing us to skip IDWT$, Never Know, and Limits, as it took security so fucking long to break it up.

By the last note of Dethrone, I was fucking done. Typically any irritation I had all came out during those breakdowns, but tonight I just couldn’t fucking shake it. It was maddening.

I stormed into the bathroom afterwards, and splashed water on my face. Maybe I should’ve called Mileena, let her calm me down with her sweet voice and comforting words, but I was too fucking pissed off. I would end up being a jackass, and she wasn’t even here to torture me for it if I was. I elected to call her back at the hotel.

A loud knock came on the bathroom door, which made me flinch. “Give me a sec.”

Only a half of a moment later, there was knocking again. I growled.

I flung the door open, glaring at Nick on the other side. “What the fuck?”

Nick took a step back. “Sorry dude, I’ve got to piss!”

I shrugged, stepping out to let him in. Before he shut the door, he called my name.

“You’re coming tonight, right?”

I stared at him. “To…?”

He rolled his eyes. “Dude, it’s Josh’s birthday? He wanted to go to a club, remember?”

Josh was the lead singer for Catch Your Breath, the band opener on our tour.

I groaned. “Don’t I get a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card for that? Alcoholic and all?”

Nick just shook his head. “Not this time, man. He’s always helping us with everything, letting us use their equipment and shit.” Nick moved to shut the door. “We’ve got to.”

-

“You’re going to be fine, babe. I trust you.” As I predicted, Leena’s voice was a soothing song in my ear, helping the stress of the day melt away.

“I know. I just wish you were here.”

“Me too, love.” I heard something shuffle on the other end. “Although, I kind of wish you were here.”

I stopped still, my shirt still in my hand, facing the bed where I laid my clothes out.

“Yeah?”

My phone vibrated against my face. I pulled it away, and saw she had sent a text. When I opened it, I nearly dropped my phone.

“Holy fuck!”

The photo was taken from a distance, likely having the phone propped up on the dresser. Leena was on the bed, a distinct Bad Omens shirt on her torso (judging by the listed tour dates and logo), and she was facing away from the camera. She was bent at the waist, looking over her shoulder, naked from the waist down.

Tucked so fucking perfectly between the cheeks of her ass was a jeweled plug.

I almost fell over.

“When did you get that?!” My face lost all color, the blood headed somewhere else.

She giggled. “Laura and I picked it up yesterday. I didn’t know how I’d feel about it, but it’s not so bad.”

I hissed, palming myself over my boxers. “I’m coming home. Right fucking now. If I get a flight I can be there by morning.”

She laughed loudly now. “Baby, you’ve got a show in Jersey tomorrow.”

“Fuck that. You’ve got a fucking toy, inside of you.”

“In all fairness, I took that photo earlier. Took a while to get a good one. I took it out after.”

“Well, I’ll just go ahead and put it back in.” I lowered my voice. “Then I swear to God I’m going to bury my cock so deep inside of you, you’ll never fucking walk again.”

She groaned. “Oh, honey, I’m so fucking excited for that.” She sighed. “But for now, you need to go to this thing for Josh.”

I rolled my eyes. “I straight up don’t want to.”

“Well that’s too bad. That guy totally idolizes you.” I slumped down on the bed. “Plus he thinks you hate him.”

I scoffed. “Why would he think that?”

“Uh, maybe because you never hang out with him?”

“I’m not a God damn babysitter.” I grumbled.

She laughed again. “I love you, grumpy boy. Now be good, go have fun, stay straight, and I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you more, Noah.”

The ride to the club was mundane, especially since I was the designated driver. The streets of upstate New York were busy no matter what time of day. The SUV was filled with laughter from multiple conversations. Jolly drove the other vehicle behind us, opting to stay sober with me tonight.

When we finally valeted the trucks, and entered the club, the volume of the music began rattling my chest. The large room was dark, and the atmosphere was electric. Swarms of bodies danced feverishly with the beat of the music.

Josh got us set up in a lounge area he had reserved, and we all took our seats, a waitress coming over quickly to take drink orders. I just shook my head when she came to me, opting for nothing. It draws less attention than when you order a non-alcoholic beverage, I’ve learned.

Jolly, however, did order a club soda with lime, prompting smirks from the other ten people sat with us.

After a few moments of adjusting, I ended up sat next to Josh, who was chatting away about the band’s album they were working on, asking my opinion on album art.

“I’m having a hard time finding something I like. I want a photograph, I’m really into the realism rather than paintings or abstract stuff.”

I nodded, hollering over the music. “I can get you in touch with the guy who did the photography for our last album. He’s fantastic.”

His eyes lit up, and the AMF he was drinking was slowly seeping through his smile.

“Yeah? That would be awesome, dude!”

He took another long pull of his drink, leaving only ice, and set down the glass. He leaned back on the couch and scanned the room before addressing me again.

“I appreciate you guys coming out, dude.” I nodded. “I know it’s not your scene anymore.”

I chuckled, rubbing a hand over my knee. “Yeah, it’s not. But you’re a friend man, I don’t mind.”

Josh wiped the moisture from his lips, looking straight at me.

“Hey, if you don’t mind me asking?” I leaned in closer to hear him. “How long you been sober now, man?”

I contemplated this, wondering if it was worth telling him. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that it couldn’t hurt.

“Just over two years.”

He raised his eyebrows, seemingly impressed.

“That’s fucking awesome, man. Good for you!”

I smiled, nodding in appreciation. “Thanks.”

The next forty minutes were spent small talking with everyone at the table before most abandoned to go get more drinks and find people on the dance floor. I had told Jolly to join them, trusting he would keep his word.

After about fifteen minutes of scrolling through Reddit threads, I felt the couch next to me dip.

“Hey, Sober Sally!” The nickname made me wince before I could look up to see who had the nerve.

My eyes met stark green irises, slightly red-rimmed from alcohol, and freckles scattered around them. I smirked, my irritation fading when I realized who was now sat next to me.

"Hey Rach." She beamed brightly at me and smiled, her strawberry blonde hair brushing over her shoulder while she set her drink down.

"How ya doing, honey?"

I nodded, scanning the room and the environment. "Bored, mostly." I admitted.

She leaned back on the couch, arm draped over the back. "I get that. Why aren't you dancing?"

I snorted. "I quit dancing in bars right around the time I quit drinking."

She chuckled, and I joined her. She lifted her glass to take a swig.

"Noah, 'm so fucking sorry about all the..." She was waving her hand around in front of her face, clearly searching her brain for the words she was looking for. "...technical difficulties tonight." She snapped when she found it.

I waved a hand at her. "Shit happens dude."

She shook her head violently. "Nope, nope. Not when I'm helping, it shouldn't. I work my ass off to make sure it goes according to plan."

Her words were starting to blend together from the drinks. I raised an eyebrow.

"How many have you had?" I ask, smirking, pointing at the glass in her hand that she was tipping back once again.

She smiled sheepishly behind it. "Two."

I nodded again, eyeing her. "And how many shots?"

She broke out in a full blown cackle at that. "Like, five?"

Shaking my head, I laughed at her. She was gone already, and was going to be just so much fun to be in the bus with tomorrow. Thankfully, it was a short ride from Manhattan to Atlantic City.

"I think maybe it's time to slow down?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Hey! I will stop when I am ready!" She said playfully, her body swaying involuntarily, sloshing the liquid in her drink over the edge of the glass, right between her and I on the couch.

We both jumped, and she squealed as the ice cold liquor hit her bare leg below the end of her dress. This drew my attention to what she was wearing. Short, deep red cocktail dress. Scoop neck, cleavage on full display. It was an interesting color on her. It made her eyes pop.

I tore my gaze away from her as I felt her hand wiping the side of my leg, trying to dry the drink spilled on my pants with...her skin, I guess?

I scooched further away on the couch and laughed, her face nearly as red as her dress.

"Still think it's not worth slowing down?"

She giggled, bashful. It was a merry little sound. "Maybe you're right."

She set the glass down, having to bend her body forward, making her chest push out and her breasts nearly spill over the top of her dress. I cleared my throat, looking purposefully away.

She sat back and surveyed her outfit, realizing the entire bottom right quadrant of the fabric was wet with alcohol. She scrunched up her nose and frowned at me.

"Well, this is ruined."

I gave her a sympathetic look, and she leaned back on the couch, pulling her phone from her bag.

"I think I'm just going to call an Uber and head back to the hotel. I've done enough damage for one night."

I knew what the right and proper thing to do was; allow her to do just that. Let her leave, tell her I'd see her in the morning. But she was frazzled, and sad. She's a young woman, riding home alone, in New York?

"I'll run you up there."

She shook her head, standing off the couch. "Oh no, no way. I am not going to be your excuse to bail on Josh."

I threw my hands up. "Why does everyone think I hate him?"

She just laughed in response. I stood up in front of her, then, catching her attention. Her laughing stopped abruptly, her shorter frame looking up at me.

"I'm going to drive you. I'll just drop you off at the hotel and head right back."

-

The ride back to the hotel was quicker, but not by much. We sat in traffic under the dull, murky lights of the streets, and I was rhythmically tapping my finger on the steering wheel.

I could hear her singing under her breath to the song playing through the vehicle's Bluetooth being fed by my phone. I slowly turned the volume higher, her voice coming louder as the music did.

"Crawling my way from a prison cell, no one can save me but myself." She clutched her chest dramatically.

I smirked at her. She looked right at me, singing directly to me mischievously.

"I know there's something more that I'm missing." She put her hand up over her mouth like a microphone, giving her voice a background effect. "Hoping to find place somewhere."

I rocked my head, belting out the chorus. "Staring right into the sun. Looking for the ending before it's begun." She joined me, flashing all her teeth at me. "I just need a reason to bleed. It feels like my heart's going numb."

We continued singing, finishing out the song in sync, but way off key.

The final notes rang off as we pulled up to the front of the hotel, and she laughed at me. "I didn't know you liked Sleep Theory?"

I turned the radio back down. "I like a lot of things."

Her eyelids lowered then, her energy changing entirely. I watched as she slipped her bottom lip between her teeth, and I thought I felt something begin burning in my abdomen, but I ignored it.

"Well," Her eyes glanced up and down me, which made me feel claustrophobic, but also really, very warm. "we should take some time, one of these days, so I can figure some of those things out."

I swallowed, hard. Luckily, before I was forced to respond, she was out of the car, and sauntering up to the entrance of the hotel. I peeled off before I could let my mind wander any further.

What the actual fuck? I've known Rachel for over a year, and never, not once, has she ever come on to me. She's met Mileena, and Addison. She knows I'm a happily committed man, so what just fucking happened? The alcohol. It had to have been.

Back at the club, I luckily didn't have to stay too long before everyone was ready to leave, Teddy, Josh's guitar player, already having ralphed in the restrooms. I was still so bewildered by the entire evening, so I didn't say much as Nick and I halfway carried Teddy to Jolly's car (he's not puking in mine), and reminding Josh that we have to go, and we can always go out again another time.

Josh spent most of the ride home telling me about a girl he danced with at the club, trying to convince me that he would be marrying her. He was done, that's for sure.

It took about thirty minutes for Nick, Jolly, and I to get everyone in their respective rooms. Folio elected to walk to his room on his own, something having irritated him at the club. I had my hands so full with the rest of the guys, I made a mental note to revisit that tomorrow.

Finally, I walked Nick and Jolly to our suite, heading inside to my room.

"Noah?" I turned to see Nick, a look of concern on his face. "You good?"

I furrowed my brow. "Yeah, dude. Why?"

"You were just real quiet tonight."

I pursed my lips, deciding that not telling Nick about the event with Rachel was likely for the best.

"Nah I'm good. Just, you know, club, alcohol..." I gestured with my hand and he nodded.

"I get it, man. Thank you for doing that."

I gave a small bow, waving him goodnight before heading into my room.

Once comfortably changed into my pajama pants, a tank top, and fresh socks, I flopped back on the bed. My fingers instinctively went to dial Mileena, but I noticed the time. 2AM. It was already 11PM at home, and Addison was surely asleep. Mileena had to take her to an appointment early. I elected to text her instead, so as to not wake her if she was asleep.

Me: I'm back at the hotel, baby. Sober as a saint. You up?

I waited, staring at my message, begging for the indication she had read the message, but it didn't come. Before I realized, I had been waiting fifteen minutes. Leena returned texts faster than anyone else I knew, leading me to the conclusion that she was knocked out already.

Me: Get some good rest, babe. I'll text you when we're leaving in the morning. I love you.

I locked my phone, dropping it on the bed, and sighed hard. I would need to find something to distract myself.

Slowly, I let my hand wander down onto my stomach, lifting my phone back up, and scrolling up through our text threads to the photo she sent me earlier.

Mother of God she looked amazing. I was still reeling over her use of the toy, having never been allowed to venture into that territory before. My hand reached the waistband of my pants, palming my growing erection through the fabric. I could feel myself getting excited enough to slip my hand in when my phone buzzed.

It was not, however, what I was looking for.

Rachel: Hey

Kill me. Actually fucking kill me.

I dropped my hand on the bed and groaned, opening the text thread. She was typing.

Rachel: Did I leave my vape in the SUV?

I raised an eyebrow. Was she serious?

Me: I didn't see one, but I wasn't looking for it.

Rachel: OK, can I grab the keys from you? I want to get it before the rentals are returned.

I sighed hard, sitting up.

Me: I'll just go look.

Opening the passenger door, I scanned around the vehicle, the hot pink vape becoming visible from under the seat. I swiped it, and began walking back in from the parking lot.

Me: Got it. What's your room number?

Rachel: 323

I whistled in the elevator, turning the vape over in my hand numerously. Once on the third floor, I padded to her room, doing my best to be quiet.

I knocked on the door once, the electric locking mechanism loud when the door swung open.

What I saw had my eyes bulging, my body freezing in place. Rachel stood inside the doorway, cropped t-shirt barely covering her small breasts, boy short underwear all that covered her lower half. Her hair was hung in strings from a shower, her eyes now free of makeup and false lashes.

"Hey! Oh thank God!" She reached to me and snagged the vape out of my hand, my body still frozen in the same spot.

She brought the vape to her lips, taking a long, painfully long, pull off of the device, the end brightening blue. As she inhaled, her eyes rolled back, and her lips pinched together before she exhaled a large cloud of smoke.

I was stone, unmoving and awestruck. I felt a very distinct shift in my pajama pants, my cock stirring at the sight.

"You okay?" Her words brought me back down to Earth for a moment.

"Huh?" I shook my head, tearing my eyes away from her. "Yeah, yeah."

I let out a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of my neck.

"Well, see you in the morning." But before I could walk away, her hand was tugging my arm, making me stop yet again.

"Wait." I dared to look at her, which I instantly regretted. She licked her bottom lip. "Do you want to," She tossed her thumb over her shoulder. "come in?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, my brain stuttering and glitching in so many different directions. I put a hand up between us, if anything than to just have a physical barrier between her and I.

"No, no I've got to get some sleep. We load up at 9AM."

She nodded, retreating back into the room slightly, a small pout on her face.

"Yeah, okay." She gave me a smile, now a little deflated. "Goodnight, Noah."

I waved, not looking directly at her. "Night, Rach."

I tried not to make such a dramatic beeline to the elevator, but I was nearly at a full sprint by the time I began jamming the button. I stepped into the metal box, sighing with relief and leaning back when the doors closed.

Only two floors up, I was back in my own room, falling back down onto the bed. I took several moments to let my breathing return to normal before I went back to what I had originally planned - masturbating to a picture of my girlfriend, like a good fucking boy.

I tried, I swear I did, but after a minute of running my hand up and down my shaft, my phone fell out of the other, and my fingers gripped the sheets. I would never admit, for fear that I may be sick, that in my mind's eye, I was picturing green eyes, fair skin with freckles, and devilishly long, strawberry blonde hair.

#noah sebastian #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens #noah sebastian fic #fanfic

[lutawolf]

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[redwayfarers]

15 lines of dialogue

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well! was tagged by @galadae, ty for the tag <3 tagging: @anneapocalypse, @lavampira, @hythlodaes, @scionshtola, @fantasmagoriam, @euelios <3

“Listen, when Minfilia died, I thought–” he looks away and rubs his eyes. “The world can go fuck itself for all I care, but I– he–” He shakes his hands around his head and hisses. “He’s my second chance at— at love, and if I ruin it because I’m a jackass–”  - defense

“You’re grossly overestimating my influence. Or maybe my liking of them.” Nika makes a face. “I wanna shoot half of them in the face. Member of the Heavensward, off you go. Annoying asshole, off you go. That’s a solid chunk of Ishgard’s nobility.” - 'ajde bar noćas budi mi drug

“Bah, you’re too prim and proper.” Nika puts a foot down. The heels echo in the otherwise silent room like a battle trumpet. It may be the drink he’s had, but his next words come out offensively shamelessly. “I like the way your collarbones look.” - (you) restless son

“Alright,” Artoirel says slowly, “but if there’s anything we, or I, can do to help, do not hesitate to say. I do want our relationship to be a positive one, even though my first impressions may have led you to believe otherwise.” Care to suck my dick? That would make me feel so much better . “I’ll be down soon, and I want to dress in peace, for fuck’s sake.” - crisis he didn't ask for but got anyway

“I bet,” Lucretia replies, with a hint in her voice that she understands what he’s hiding behind that little word. “Do Ishgardians have any board games?”  “Kill a dragon, maybe.” - how unreasonably in love i am with (everything) you (do)

“You’re afraid I’m gonna hate it or something? Is that why you sound like you’re a kid meeting your idol for the first time?” - (you) restless son

“That bad, huh?” He laughs, but it’s a choppy, insincere thing. “I suppose I am.” A moment of silence. “I’m just so fucking tired, Minfilia. I’m angry at Ascians. I’m angry at Garlemald. I’m angry at the likes of Teledji Adeledji. There’s only so many arrows I have for each of them. And only so much patience, too. Besides, fighting shit hurts. It’s hard on the body.”  - to (kick your feet) strive but never to yield

“Is something amiss, Nika?” Minfilia’s voice rings in close proximity, worried.  “I’d say our Warrior of Light has yet to let go of his anger for the Ascians,” Thancred supplies and Nika’s eyes open.  “If you of all people aren’t angry at them, Thancred, then what the fuck are you doing with your life,” Nika says and he would flinch at the way he says Thancred’s name, like venom. Thankfully, he does too.  “I am angry, Nika. But I don’t allow my anger to destroy the Rising Stones.”  “Instead you destroy your fucking liver–” - to (kick your feet) strive, but never to yield

Artoirel frowns. “This House relies on me. Aymeric relies on me. Sacrifices must be made.”  “I can learn to forge your signature and sign all your documents.”  “Without reading them?”  “Naturally. Formal speak annoys me.”  Artoirel drops his nose into Nika’s shoulder. “That is not how this functions and I am not letting you forge my signature.”  Nika huffs. “Can’t blame a guy for wanting a hobby. It’s not like my body lets me do jack shit these days.” - how unreasonably in love i am with (everything) you (do)

“That you are,” Artoirel says. He then turns all serious again. “How are you doing these days?”  “Me?”  “Yes. These recent events have been.. Tumultuous for all of us. Most of all for you.”  Nika frowns. “Losing people feels like absolute shit, Artoirel.” - cold nights in ishgard

He’s quiet for a long time. Long enough to get him on the bed, to get him under the woolen covers. Long enough to sit beside him and run a hand down his arm and have him lean into the touch like it’s a gulp of water in the midst of a drought.  “I’m scared, Mom,” he croaks, and buries his head in the pillows. “Gods save me, I’m so scared.” - defense

“My actual name’s Nikita, so you can call me whatever you want. I’m all three of these fuckers.” Nika shrugs and drops the pillow. - crisis he didn't ask for but got anyway

“Fine– I think you’re not only good at aiming, but also good- looking. Is it a crime in the Brume to be attracted to people?” Nika taps a nail against the trigger of his firearm.  “Not at all.” Hilda smiles. She walks over, the end of her weapon clinks against the metal of her tall boots, and she looks up at him. Her lips are full and red from the cold and her eyes shine in amusement and pleasure. “Join me for mulled wine later? Maybe a card game, if your pride lets you?” Nika huffs. “It’s not about pride, woman – but yes. I will join you for mulled wine. It’s stupidly cold in Ishgard.”   Hilda places a hand on his forearm. “I’ll make sure it’s all warm for you, Nika.”  - 'ajde bar noćas budi mi drug

“I get it.” Nika laughs, but it’s devoid of any amusement. “We’re similar, I think. It’s why we get along. We’re both fucked up right now, we can’t talk about it, so you overwork yourself and I annoy people. Should I go to Coerthas to chase heretics?”  - how unreasonably in love i am with (everything) you (do)

“Of course,” he taps the space beside him, “come, sit.” His heart wants to leap out of his chest, both easy and dragged down at the same time, and Nika thinks about the faded, long line on his face. Does she like men with scars?   It’s a useless inquiry anyway. She just asked for a song, not a love confession. He’s not sure he’ll ever be ready to give a love confession anyway. Because, Twelve preserve him, he is just a little bit in love with Minfilia. - does she like men with scars?

#tag game #tried to make them varied #but i feel like nika has like 2 moods he expresses verbally ;;;; #i am so sorry if it feels repetitive but nika's repressed as shit in a lot of ways and he has no idea how to communicate #hence *points at that*

[moregraceful]

firebirds don't do a thing but sing // roads in the desert, take me home

;;

Ron Francis signs a Czech goalie midway through the Pacific Division semis. Chris can see the writing on the wall and it gives him a headache through June.

Even before training camp in the fall, even when they’re still in the fucking valley, everyone knows: Joey’s getting the call-up next year, not Chris. Philipp is guaranteed a spot, if not the starter position. Bylsma doesn’t have to say it, but he does anyway, because he’s a good man: “we need you down here. The boys need you down here.”

He says it firmly, but gently, a couple days after their loss to Hershey.

Chris doesn’t drink to excess anymore and is done with drugs completely, so mostly what he’s rocking in that meeting is minor league fatigue. Bylsma looks exhausted, but he’s kind throughout it. “Take the summer,” says Bylsma. “Train, work hard, but take some time for yourself too.”

Chris’s fiancee broke up with him and took the dogs with her right around the time the doctors said he’d be out for the season last year. He’d been nurturing some grief about it, but maybe it’s good that he doesn’t have anyone else to worry about, if he’s staying in the minor leagues another year.

Actually, it’s starting to look like both franchises want him in the desert full time. That gives him a headache too.

Campbell’s way less gentle than Bylsma when they go out for drinks before the team splits from town. But she’s only two years older than him, so she can get away with being kind of a jackass to him. “Yeah, it fuckin’ sucks,” she says, over her beer. “I know it does. Don’t—” she says, when Chris makes a face at her. “I know it does, Chris. But you have a lot to teach whoever comes next.”

Chris says, flatly, “who’s next, Jessica?”

The Czech goalie Francis signed in May is 26 years old. That’s a vet. That’s a signing because Francis can’t find anyone better to back Chris up.

Campbell cringes.

There’s no one else in the pipeline. All two of their teenage goalie prospects are abroad, not ready for North America, too young. The Kraken’s goalie prospect pipeline was Joey. At least Chris will be the starter in Palm Desert, provided the Czech goalie isn’t taller, hotter, with a reliable body and a clean history, a good work ethic and propensity for joy that feels increasingly out of reach for Chris.

Maybe he’s feeling some kinda way about it. He hates it when he gets bitter. Nothing good ever came from him being bitter.

He wishes he could drink all this shit away, wishes drugs didn’t fuck with his head, books a two-week-long trip to a hot spring in the Northwest Territories for his achy joints and bad attitude instead and leaves his phone off the whole time. Alone. All alone. Turns his phone back on when he gets to Winnipeg and finds himself in a new Kraken goalie groupchat with Philipp, Joey, and Aleš Stekza, courtesy of Joey, who never knows when to stop.

Aleš Stekza is a charmer. His written English is careful and precise, but when Chris meets him at rookie camp, he’s intense and effusive, slapping Chris on the back like they’ve been friends for years in the first 30 seconds, bumping shoulders with him in the locker room, grinning at Chris like Chris means anything more than another vet he’s fighting with for a roster spot.

Joey’s great at making guys feel at home in the organization, Chris thinks, but when he says as much to Joey, Joey says he learned that from Chris in his first year with the org. Aleš gets a training camp invite after rookie camp, which makes all three of them pretty happy, because Aleš has a steady attitude, and he’s a hard worker, and a good culture fit.

He’s also very, very good. It makes Chris restless about whether he’s a back-up in Coachella again, or it’s going to be a 1A-1B thing. He looks up Aleš to see his stats from his play in Czechia, and immediately wishes he hadn’t. Why a guy goes from being voted Czechia’s best goaltender to wanting to play in the AHL, he’s not sure. At least in Extraliga, they house you.

Philipp has all the goalies, rookies, rostered, invites, all, over to his house for a barbecue that he has catered. Chris makes merciless fun of him when he gets there early to help Philipp set up; Philipp smiles at him like he wants something from Chris, and Chris can kind of guess what, but then the doorbell starts ringing.

Aleš spends a lot of time badgering Chris about Coachella at the party. Is it warm, what is the food like, where does he live, what is the team like, what size are the cars, how are the fans, what is California like, how far away are they from Seattle, what is it like, how does it all fit together, where does Christ fit in, where will he. Philipp watches from the other side of the yard, drink in hand, and even though he’s surrounded by kids destined for the ECHL, he still raises his glass to Chris. Good luck, he mouths.

Chris and Aleš get sent down shortly after, surprising absolutely no one. Joey looks hurt, somehow, when Briere tells them all in a meeting, all the goalies left at the end of camp, who is getting sent down and where. Like Joey really thought he could keep Chris with him. Chris wonders where the kid gets it. Joey’s too old to think that he can play with his friends if he’s good enough to the world around him.

Aleš and Chris go to the desert. Philipp and Joey stay in Seattle. Chris drives Aleš and Marian down from Seattle to Palm Desert in his SUV and learns 50 new swear Czech and Slovak insults in a day and half. They don’t stop anywhere for the night; no time. Him and Marian switch off driving, since Aleš doesn’t have an American driver’s license, and Marian is a trooper, doesn’t complain at all.

Late night driving through some fuck ass part of the Central Valley, when the car is quiet except for a playlist Philipp made for Chris in the background and Marian snoring in the backseat, Chris glances at Aleš. Aleš had tasked himself with keeping the two of them awake at night, but he’d been silent for so long that Chris wondered if he’d fallen asleep.

Aleš has his face pressed to the window. Chris clicks his tongue to get his attention. Aleš looks over. He looks fascinated.

“I have never seen so many cows in one pen,” he says.

Chris pulls off at a rest stop to stretch his legs; four hours left in the drive and Marian is passed the fuck out in the third row. He gets out of the car and Aleš follows him to a picnic table under fluorescent lights.

He’s wearing a Kraken hoodie Chris lent him for the drive. It has Chris’s number on it. Chris feels something curl tight in his chest at the sight.

He sits across from Aleš at the picnic table. Aleš hands him some weird Pacific Northwest stimulant drink that’s supposed to fuck with your gut less than Red Bull. It tastes like flat carbonated water, but Chris has to admit it has not yet given him stomach upset.

Chris takes it and cracks it open. He drinks half of it, making a face, before handing it back to Aleš.

Aleš actually likes that kind of PNW granola shit, is the problem. He’s a good culture fit. Philipp had whispered it in Chris’s ear when he hugged him goodbye; take care of the guy, he’s a good fit for the franchise, just like you.

Chris sits across from Aleš. He studies Aleš: the laugh lines around his eyes, his strong jaw, his thinning hair that he doesn’t gel outside of game days, sticking out from under Chris’s hoodie. He looks at Aleš’s hands, his strong fingers, his thick wrists. His knees bump against Chris’s because the picnic table is small.

Aleš looks back. Whatever he sees in Chris makes him smile.

#i decided this was simply no longer any of my business and wish to set it free not on ao3 #unfortunate birdcage fanfictions #the ahler poster is coming through...

[cvbullshit]

Now that Yandere Dev is dead in the water and his game is as deep in the sand as he is.. I, a random person on the internet, vote that we as a community take the concept of Yandere Simulator and make it into something better!

Because the concept IS decent, just the execution needs work... A lot of work.

Everyone should have their own ideas for it so Imma say my vague concept that I probably won't ever bring up again.

For my new take on the concept, for one, almost all the main characters are actually going to be adults. It's stated that they already are but that's bullshit that Yandere Dev clearly used to justify some in game bullshit, they're in fucking high school, maybe one could be 18, but not fucking all of them.

Second, I might replace Ayano with some demonic or otherworldly being that's not exactly in love with Taro but heavily obsessive and interested in him, possessive even. Because honestly, while the point of the story IS a Yandere school girl, that topic has been milked to absolute death and is prone to get boring as hell. Plus, it's my idea to rewrite the story, I can take it as far as I damn want!

If Ayano is a demonic being in this, possibly Taro could be in this occult team/club/gang/cult so that way Ayano has REASON to be interested and connected to him.

Taro, in this rewrite, is a complex person. He's a nice guy, lives alone with and takes care of his 13 year old sister after his dad ditched them and he kiiiinnnda murdered his mom for the cult he's in and because he just disliked her. Yeah, Taro ain't no goodie two shoes bland mf now! He may be nice, treats his sister well, and partly believes he's a good person but he's in a cult, is willing to murder people who he thinks deserves it or anyone who threatens to find out about his crimes, and he supports cannibalism, under the right circumstances though. He still comes off as, and kinda is, a nice guy who wants to help people in any way he can, real protective of his friends and whom he dubs as innocent. He's got the mentality of wanting to see half the world burn and half the world blossom, he wants all those he thinks are bad or beyond helping to suffer while he wants the ones he believes are innocent to live happy and healthy lives.

Him and Ayano's dynamic is something I'm still thinking about honestly, as while rewriting the other characters is somehow easy, rewriting Ayano is just a pain for me somehow, it's hard to really rewrite anything about her and I don't know why. I may keep her emotionless thing going on though, not sure.

For Taro's sister, she's a slightly bratty newly teen, is very attached to her brother as he's the only family she has left but isn't overly affectionate with him, if anything, she's the most bratty with him. She doesn't expect too much from him and doesn't believe she can pout or whine to get her way but slightly does so to be petty and because Taro doesn't really react negatively to it... Yet. She has no idea what happened to her mom, just views her as missing, and has no idea Taro is in a cult. To her, she's got a normal life, despite her mom going missing and viewing her dad as the biggest jackass alive.

Taro and Osana's relationship and meeting is pretty different in this, Osana won't be Taro's childhood friend, I'll be giving that to someone else, instead Osana is a girl living in an apartment building, cooped up in her apartment and barely interacting with the outside world. After a stalking and obsessive situation she was the victim of, leading to the death of her cat, she swore she'd never trust the world again. Her apartment is a mess as she has no friends, she cut off her family, and she has no one to even talk to, she could technically be counted as a slob but at least she keeps herself clean. She hates the world and especially has issues with men.

When she meets with Taro for the first time, she wants absolutely nothing to do with him, constantly is mean to him, insults him, ect. Taro would've not dealt with her after their first interaction but learns what a state she's in from the apartment building owner and vows to try to help her and be kind to her. Why? Because he feels bad for her... And because he accidentally ran over a cat so he feels the need to feel better about himself, using the excuse of trying to prove to the world or some higher force that he can still be a good person. So...

I will leave it there! My ramblings went off the rails and this is only a concept that I have no idea I'll even touch on again.

#random post #random thoughts #just random ideas #yandere simulator #story idea #story rewrite #yandere sim revamp #yandere sim rewrite #concept #story concept #rewrite #rewrite concept #idk what to call this #idk how to tag this #for fun #i actually think i like taro's character in this

[popculturebuffet]

Superhero Wedding Valentine's Day Special II: Hulkling and Wiccan (Empyre #5 and Empyre Aftermath: Avengers) (Poll Winner)

Happy valentine's day all you happy people! And it's time for my now annual valentine's day superhero wedding spectacular! For those not here for last year's event: despite not having been married (and being currently single), I love wedding episodes, so last year I had you fine folks pick a superhero wedding for me to review. Last year it was an overwhleming tie between Spider-man having to stop Doc Ock and Aunt may's wedding, cumilating in a nuclear explosion on a canadian island and Kitty Pryde and Colossus diasterous failed wedding.. leading to Gambit successfully stealing it for Rogue. And since that event was a successs, one of my only polls I both coudl complete due to scheduling conflicts and that got plenty of votes, I decided to do it AGAIN this year. And while we got a clear result (gestures above) this race was even tigther. While last year was a very clear tie between the two winners with nothing else coming evne remotely close this year…

Yup this year's winner was only by one vote with every patreon putting in a good fight.. and my person choice of yellowjacket and the wasp.. doing horrible because in hindsight maybe I shoudl've thought past the fact Hank and Jan are two of my faviorite characters.. into the fact their marraige ends in utter tragedy and abuse, with Janet moving on from it and Hank never forgiving himself and trying to atone for it quite a bit. Especially against three popular couples. LIve and Learn.

I'm delighted with the winner though: Wiccan and Hulkling! It's our first gay wedding on this feature.. I mean it's our third overall but superhero gay weddings are suprisingly rare, and while there have been plenty this is easily the highest profile one. So join me undre the cut for a long explination of these two's love story, the nuptials themselves and one hell of a reception:

So for those not familiar with the happy couple, let's tell their tale: Billy Kaplan and Teddy Altman had what they thought were entirely normal lives. Billy was raised by two loving jewish parents and became obessed with the avengers and Teddy had a loving single mom working in real estate. Then both discovered they had super powers: Billy could make thigns happen if he said it hard enough I.e. "PLEASEDON'TBLOWUPPLEASEDON'TBLOWUP" and while he struggled at first with that and being gay, a chance meeting with the Scarlet Witch helped convince him being diffrent wasn't so bad and to embrace what he was while Teddy found out he was green and could shapeshift, taking on human skin to fit in till some jackass he had a crush on abused that power and he decided "yeah fuck that. "

Both were recruited by Iron Lad in the wake of Avengers Disassembled. To make a long, poorly told story short: Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch, once upon a time made two children with the vision… literally it turned out as her boys were both magic and were stolen by a d-list villian and made into baby hands

She had an entirley understandable mental breakdown from that and her husband turning emotoinless.. as well as the fact none of her friends thought "Let's get her therapy ya know?". She apparently recovered but brian micheal bendis didn't do his research, so she later had another break down when an old woman refused to let her just reconstruct her children. Like.. she wasn't breaking into another universe and stealing someone else's kids, Agatha. Comeon. And yeah comics agatha is an old woman it's a long story.

Thanks to Agatha Harkness assholery, Wanda had a mental breakdown again this time far mroe grandly because Brian MIchael Bendis didn't think that maybe this was a touch insesntive. And this was back when most of his writing was GOOD. This was the EXCEPTION.

Said exception lead to the deaths of my boys Vision, Scott Lang and Hawkeye. As you can probably guess all got better, but it still left a lasting impact. And anyone whose seen wandavision or int he multiverse of madness can probably guess why i'm telling this story, yet are a tad puzzled.

With the avengers gone a visitor for the future , Iron Lad, showed up with the avengers protocol, recurting people Vision had in mind in case the avengers fell.. which was a bunch of teens instead of old hands, but I find that clever: it's likely this is intended if shit REALLY goes south and most avengers past and present are gone. Iron Lad simply used it because what was left of the avengers woudn't listen to him.

As a result he gathered Billy and Teddy

Along with Patriot, the son of lost captain america Issaiah Bradley, a super soldier given tuskgee style experiments and lockeda way for decades. Turns out Iron Lad wasn't ENTIRELY up front as he was actually a young Kang the Conquerer, upcoming villian of ant man and the wasp and total prick. Iron Lad is one of Kang's many variants and this one is entirely his fault as he went to his young self to inspire him, to show him what he'd be and assumed naturally his younger not yet jaded, bored and longing for conquest self would be entirley happy to find out

He very obviously wasn't and gathered the team to fight him, also picking up Cassie Lang, daughter of Scott Lang whose mom and step dad were total pricks at the time and badly wanted to follow in her dad's footsteps and due to being around him and getting saturated in pym particles could turn giant. Together they fought kang, and Iron Lad had to leave after stabbing him but left his armor behind which became the new vision.

While the avengers tried to stop these daring new heroes because they were being kinda dicks at the time, they only grew, gathering new member Kate Bishop Hawkeye, who after being rescued by these lads at a wedding used her vast fortune to buy them a base, new outfits and new equipment.

It was soon after this Teddy and Billy found out shit was way more complicated than they thought: Billy found out he was the reincarnation of one of the Scarlet Witch's twins, something that was naturally rattling as it was exciting and found his brother, Tommy, who had a much rougher life but came to embrace his new family and joined the team as Speed.

Teddy.. had it even worse with his revelation as the super skrull came a knocking, burnt his mom, and Teddy found out the truth: his mom was his adopted mom, which once again gets complicated because the writer of the first run of young avengers, Alan Heinberg, did really well tying these two into continuity, but it also means there's a lot to unpack when your just saying it instead of putting it in a story. During the Kree-Skrull War, long story, Captain Mar-Vell, the first Captain Marvell and a kree soldier turned galactic hero met the princess of the shapeshifting Skrulls breifly. They had a quick affair, and rightly fearing for her child's life , his mom had her handmaiden take Teddy to his father. Said father was dead of cancer so she raised him herself. Super Skrull's natural reaction.. was to burn her.

Klrt ended up atoning a bit, playing Teddy to give both races shared custody, while Teddy remained on earth. Over all this he and Billy had fallen in love and were happy together with Billy's parents gladly taking his boyfriend in, having figured out he was gay (not so much he was a superhero) and warmly welcoming the boy. It's really sweet. The avengers realized they'd been dicks and decided to back off giving the kids full sponsorship.

Billy and Teddy were fan faviorites and it was easy to see why: While Marvel had gay characters before this , most either had to be hidden in plain sight (Mystique and Destiny) to get past censors, or were b-list characters that while great , didn't leave a huge impact (Northstar). While teen versions of the avengers, Billy and Tommy were still fairly high profile and depsite writer and creator Alan Heinberg being busy in CALLLLIFFFOOORRRNNIIIAAAAAA, the Young Avengers were kept pretty high up and a part of most crossovers from then on out in some form. Not only that the fact the two were gay , while something they had to deal with this being the early 2000's, was celebrated and a non issue for their parents, something that was rare in this kind of story at the time.

The two would stick around a while, and Tommy would eventually get his mom back during Alan Heinberg's long delayed The Children's Crusade.. which is kind of a mess and something best left for another time but in short, the twins reunited with their mom, who nicely lives in step with Billys adopted parent (Tommy's abandoned him so he's fine), and Dr. Doom killed cassie lang after bringing back her dad. It's a lot.

In the wake of this a new volume of Young Avengers by one of my faviorite comic book writers, Kireon Gilleon launched and the couple faced some issues despite getting engaged in the wake of Children's Crusade: Billy accidently summoned a dimenson hopping parasite named mother, forcing an all new iteration of the young avengers (Billy, Teddy and Kate along with Progidy, America Chavez, Teen Loki and Marvel Boy), to step up and take her out. The adventure was important as it asked an obvious question.. okay Loki did because who else: Did Billy .. wish Teddy into existance? I Mean his existance was pretty conveient: a struggling gay kid suddenly gets a handsome boyfriend whose also the secret son of captain marvel? He wasn't of course, but it was a good line to explore, the two eventuallyr econciled and peace was had.

The two would go on to be part of New Avengers, a book I loved by another writer I loved and the one who wrote these issues, Al Ewing. They worked with former New Mutant, Avenger and All Around awesome guy Sunspot as he took over former supervillian hive aim and tried to make it something good… by buyign them out as their traded like any company and most of them liked him better as a boss than whatever super villian took it over that week. The takeaway here is the two got an apartment, and Teddy got cemented as future king of space by taking up a cool as hell sword, but refused the throne for now.

This leads us, finally, to Empyre, the event the wedding's a part of.. as a massive twist mid story. It's also really one of the only lasting effects this event had, the other being the major catalyst for two future al ewing books: Guardians of the galaxy, which we'll cover the first arc of in May for obvious reasons, and SWORD which is awesome.

Empyre.. is as bit of a mess and one of MANY marvel events that feels like it's there JUST to be a marvel event. It's especailly hard to look back on after last year's Judgment Day, an event that truly FELT like it needed to be one, had massive lasting consequences for the x-men and nicely tied up writer Kireon Gilleon's eternals run, while telling a compelling story. As you can probably guess it's on my to do list. Empyre.. only is if I ever cover Dan Slott's fantastic four run which given i'm set to cover another disasterous run of his very soon, is thankfully getting pushed back.

Empyre is a long story: the short of it is Teddy united the long fueding Kree and Skrull empires, another thing that stuck ever since, and took them to earth to wipe out the cotai… which echoed history as the kree had done this before but the Coatai had decided thanks to that to wipe out all life.

Along the way Teddy ends up getting kidpanped and replaced by hisg randma who goes mad with power

Forcing the human torch and carol danvers to run , getting teleported.. to the happy couple's apartment, where Billy not only reveals the ruse (if not whose behind it as he dosen't know) as having dated Teddy so long he knows his facial tics to a t.. and because

Yup. Props to Slott and Ewing, and it's why I brought up him writing New Avengers: Ewing clearly loved the characters and made it a goal to give them a bigger place in the marvel universe with this event, and also snuck a gay wedding into one of the biggest events of the year. Kudos. Slott helped too, I guess. I mean credit where it's due he did co write it, I just feel this was likely Ewing's push aand Slott, being a progressive, gladly went along with it.

That leads us to issue 5 and to the actual nuptials. We won't be covering this one in full, as there's still a LOT of empyre stuff here. It's what makes covering some of the more mordern superhero weddings tricky as due to being written for the trade stories can often require an entire arc to get there. I got lucky with X-Men as whlie there was plenty of build up, the wedding itself was contained to one issue plus some bonus bits in the first issue of mr and mrs x. This one.. is smack int he middle of a massive and messy crossover event with 80 dozen tie ins. Thankfully the wedding itself is a short scene and the second wedding with a much larger crowd is contained to an aftermath issue. So after much ado let's GET to that wedding shall we?

We open Empyre #5 with Billy explaning it to Johnny and Carol.. who I"m not sure he'd even met before this, but hey, it's comics so the answer is "probably. At any rate he explains the two had an hour before Teddy left to become king of space. And as two 20 somethings at this point they used half of it already.

I see his point.. also we get a mildy gross bit of Carol apparently deying the eye thing despite the art showing it.. despite being at least twice his age.

Having learned well from his time under Roberto, aka sunspot, Teddy already had a crazy wedding scheme ready to go, including a special guest to precede over it:

Yup that's creator Alan Heinberg, a really sweet gesture.. and one he was well aware of. He and Jim Chung, who co created the characters did a short story for the marvel comics #1000 story staring the young avengers.. in the same outfits they'd wear to this wedding, placing it RIGHT AFTER said wedding. He was of course honored when asked about the cameo and I thoguht it was a sweet touch: he created them, he got them together.. and now he'd marry them, even if he wouldn't be writing it himself.

So surronded by their friends and brother, they marry and it's just.. utterly enchanting. To wrap up the whole doppleganger plot for you guys as it DOES tie into the aftermath issue as you'd expect: the whole connection thing isn't just beautiful poetry, but just as a percaution (Given the Skrulls and Kree asked Teddy to dump Billy already, yes really. ) Billy left a piece of magic inside his husband.. and thus they find the REAL teddy, bring him to the imposter, and said imposter turns out to be the queen of the skrulls, his grandma and someone who should've died when Galactus ate their homeworld. Teddy wins, they stop a doomsday weapon, the plant people are stopped and the evfent as a whole ends with Teddy as king of space. But since only a select few got to attend the first ceremony due to time constraints.. we get Aftermath, a proper wedding issue as the two get married again in front of more friends, Billy's parents, and of course their royal space court.

We open with Teddy visiting his grandma in jail. She explains how she's alive and became a kree infiltrator: she teleported out, leaving her daughter to die because.. well she kidnapped her own grandson and usurped him for power, she didn't have far to fall. She bided her time to try this scheme failled and does the usual villian thing of mocking teddy for his weakness.. before asking how his REAL wedding went.. thus we flash back to the other day

While Billy was happy with the small wedding.. he's equally happy with the huge rager, featuring tons of characters including those just fresh from the crossover, in case your curious why Wolverine and Spidey are wearing ff style uniforms. Which look dope by the way, they may of been for a fairly meehhhhh tie in but those outfits need to make a comeback. It's a nice spread.

Among the guests are recent newlyweds themselves ben grimm and alicia masters, Robby Reyes ghost rider palling around with venom, the guardians of the galaxy including recent couple Noh Varr and Hercules, and the richards kids who are for some reason laying down next to each other stoned out of their minds. God I hope ti's just that

We also get a really nice moment from Cap as he admits their constant attempts to stop the Young Avengers was one of his greatest regrets. Granted it leads to registration coming up and thor quickly stops that with a drink for everyone: Skrullian Fruit Juice for Tony, Mead for THor and an american beer for Steve. The toast is not to the groom or the groom, but to the father of the groom, Captain Marvel, and it's a really touching tribute to their absent friend who they know would be proud if he coudl see this.

So we cut to Teddy also thinking about his dad: his mom tried calling him but he was you know busy and in space and likely failed before word of his cancer diagnoiss reached him. Carol however gives the two a nice congradultions in her predecessor and friends stead…. but soon has her own problems as Abigail Brand walks up to her. Abigail Brand is the former head of SWORD, basicallys hield but dealing with space threats, having been raised in space. It also puts her in my wheelhouse. She also works under Carol at Alpha Flight, SWORD'S replacement…. and is rightfully pissed at carol for going to the cotai without bothering to contact the giant space agency she runs.

And .. she's entirley right. I agree with all of it. The Coatai got in because the avengers ate the hummus as they later put it and Carol tended to just.. call on the avengers. Which was fine when she was just carol danvers and not head of an organzation DESIGNED to counter this sort of thing. Abby is told to back off by Teddy, as while he agrees she has a point this isn't the time or place and she leaves, quitting this bitch.

Carol agrees she had a point and while her friends all assure her "nah they probably woudl've sucked too", though at least Reed Richards agrees she has a point: the earths heroes have acted a bit too unilaterally and have to be better.

Billy however is more unnerved as he noticed something… in a group full of 50 or so avengers, the fantastic four, and the guardians of the galaxy.. everyone looked at Teddy. T'Challa helpfully guides his fellow ruler.

It's the highest compliment that Roberto probably TRULY dosen't have an actual plan to kill his friends.. incpaciate them or talk sense into them maybe, but it's clear he trusts them to rule wisely. Granted he probably has like.. 80 backup plans if they get overthrown but given he's currently living part time in the shiar empire where a regime change is called "Tuesday" I can't say I blame him.

With that Kate breaks out crying as she met them at a wedding.. and now this is happening. We get a sweet moment as everyone reunites.

Back in the present we get some more Empyre wrap up as Teddy rebukes his grandma but shows that while a kind just ruler.. he isn't soft. He lays into Super Skrull, who helped with the coup, for murdering his mom, slaps the guy and rather than give him the easy out of death.. he gives him the job as ambassador, to help save lives to make up for all those killed which he graciously accepts. General Glory, the kree equilvent refuses and agrees to a cell instead saying Teddy will need him.. and we flash forward as he indeed does as things are dire.. until the calvary arrives.

Welcome to SWORD.. a story for another day surely… but for now A toast to the groom to the groom to the groom to the groom , and to the other groom the other groom the other groom, may they always be satisfied and may some idiot not break them up. For now though this status quo has held, these two are happy and they rule over space, together.. as it should be. THanks for readnig and happy valentines day.

#wiccan #hulkling #young avengers #avengers #lbgtq+ #valentine's day #comics #empyre #billy kaplan #teddy

[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 2.1 Review: Junior likes dicks, Kelvin likes pecs, and f*k yeah, we got both

Season 2 of The Righteous Gemstones began over two years after the Season 1 finale, and the back stories, personalities, and even the genre has changed.  Remember, Danny McBride likes his seasons to be complete stories, with no or few call-backs, so new viewers easily understand what's going on.  In fact, it may be fun for us to start afresh, watch as if we have never seen or heard of these people before.  

Memphis Soul Stew: Memphis, 1968. Teenage Eli Gemstone, the Maniac Kid (Jake Kelley), is playing a heel, a pro wrestling villain: "from the wrong side of the tracks, a newcomer to the League, all muscle, all attitude."  He fights dirty, pretending to reconcile with opponent Kyle Hawk, then throwing him out of the ring.  

As he fights, his manager Glendon Marsh (Wayne Duvall) cheers. Glendon's teenage son Junior (Tommy Nelson) watches, sometimes happy but usually disturbed.  Is he jealous of the attention Eli is getting?  Is he a rebellious teenager during the era of the Generation Gap?.

Nice Cock:  In the locker room, Glendon offers Eli "some bonus pay on the South Side," while Junior looks on, smoking a cigarette, still either jealous or angry. As they leave, they pass a naked guy. "That's a nice cock, Ernie," Glendon says.  Junior is so busy looking that he trips, and then looks back again.  The boy is definitely into cocks and butts.

The Loan Enforcer: Glendon is a loan shark as well as a wrestling manager: the job involves beating up a deadbeat.  Eli and Junior both go, squabbling over who's the boss.  

"Kill 'em!" we hear.  Psych!  It's the tv.  We meet a slovenly, drunken, foul-mouthed, abusive jackass of a husband.  While Junor subdues his wife and baby, Eli punches him a few times and asks for the money, and when he doesn't have it, breaks his thumbs. Junior laughs "derangedly" (according to the subtitles).

Afterwards Glendon drops Eli off, hands him some money, and tells him, "Buy yourself something nice." This is a feminizing statement. 

As Eli drives off on his motorcycle, we hear Buck Owens' "Tall Dark Stranger":

 They say a tall dark stranger is a demon, and  that a devil rides closely by his side.

 So if Junior is the demon, Eli must be the devil riding beside him.  How long will they ride together?

We're fine with the faggots:  In 2022, elderly Eli Gemstone is a megachurch pastor and televangelist.  He and the satellite church ministers are discussing the case of Pastor Butterfield (Victor Williams), caught videotaping his wife and another woman having sex in a dance club restroom, while they were all high on Molly ("we thought they were Sweetarts").  The story made the front page of The New York Times, thanks to reporter Thaniel Block (Jason Schwartzman), who has made a career of publicizing ministerial sex scandals.  Eli wants to be lenient, but the others object.  (Left: random pecs)

A Spanish speaking pastor explains: "My church is ok with the maricones (roughly faggots), but we're not ready for swinging and tropus."     Pastor Diane translates: "His church is really cool with the gays and the queers, but not so much about the swingers and the thruples."  They fire Pastor Butterfield; he tries to commit suicide.

 Why did Pastor Diane translate maricones with two words, gays and queers?  Why queers, doubtless with the old pejorative meaning rather than the contemporary reclamation? I get the impression that the pastors are not really ok with maricones, so any gay ministers might want to stay in the closet, especially with the reporter snooping around.  Since this is the first scene in the present day, it is doubtless setting up one of the main conflicts of the season.  But who is the gay minister  Eli, Junior, or someone not yet introduced?  

F*ck, yeah:  After the morning service, the family drives in a caravan to Jason's Steak House.  They get out of their cars in slow motion and walk past the al fresco area, heterosexual couples reveling in their nuclear family conformity, the "job, house, wife, kids" litany of my youth made visible. The background song brags about their heteronormative success:

Turn your head when I walk by -- I got the world at my feet.

All I want out of every day, is to wake up every morning

Sun is shining, smiling, and we've covered every room 

 Wait -- where's Kelvin?

Suddenly the record scratches off. Two vans pull up with a flexing muscle Christ and the logo "Strength above All Else." Twelve muscle men emerge, wearing identical canvas gis: the God Squad! Closeups of biceps and pecs and abs,bulging, flexing, intruding on the smug primness of the nuclear families.  There is no romance here.  There is no heterosexual desire.  It is raw homoerotic power.

We see their leader from the back of his tiger-splashed leather jacket.  Who is this Messiah of Muscle,  this Pope of the Phallus, demolishing the iron cage of heteronormativity, leading us to the bright, clear love of men for men?    

He turns around for the big reveal.  

Kelvin!  The prissy little femme boy from church earlier?  I thought it would be Junior.

He has changed his jacket: more shiny buttons, a gold bracelet.  And his pants: a porn-star bulge and a bright gold zipper to help guide us to the Promised Land.  Obviously gay, but hardly closeted.  His life, career, and religion all center on masculine beauty.

A man we haven't met before stands beside him, identified as Keefe.  His relationship to Kelvin is unclear.  Assistant or boyfriend?  Acolyte or lover?   

Kelvin gives his God Squad some micromanaging instructions about "eating light," and starts to walk toward the steakhouse.  Keefe stops him. "Excuse me, sir. Will you be dining with the men and I?"  Sir? Assistant. 

Kelvin says no, he'll be dining "above you" with the family.

Keefe: "Shall I join you?"  Boyfriend.

Kelvin: No. "Upstairs church lunch is only for family...and Daddy's closest work associates." 

This upsets Keefe.  He looks like he's about to cry.  Apparently they have enjoyed intimacy before, so he thinks he should be treated as a boyfriend. Never hook up with your boss, Dude: it only leads to trouble.

Kelvin: "Do not take this personal.  No matter how many disciples we gather, you're still my Number One."  So Kelvin is Jesus, and Keefe is the Beloved Disciple.  Assistant

Keefe still looks upset, so Kelvin says "Let me tickle them titty meats" and reaches out to squeeze his nipple through his shirt.  Hey, that's inappropriate with an employee. Boyfriend..

Then he swishes off with a jaunty over-the-shoulder smile, pushing up the gay stereotypic behavior  Boyfriend.

Now we see Kelvin's central conflict: he is closeted after all.  He imagines that being gay is incompatible with the cozy families sitting upstairs in Jason's Steakhouse, so if he wants a career and a family, he must deny Keefe like Peter denied Christ: "Him?  Oh, he's my...um...assistant."  During this season, Keefe will be pushing for a place at the table, recognition as a romantic partner. Will Kelvin find a way to admit him?  

The full review, with nude photos is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

#the righteous gemstones #kelvin gemstone #keefe chambers #kelvin x keefe #tony cavalero #adam devine #Junior Marsh #Eli Gemstone

[themculibrary]

Post-GOTG Vol. 3 Masterlist

5 times Adam felt something for Peter + 1 time Peter felt something for Adam… (ao3) - JustSomeFanGirling peter/adam N/R, 3k

Summary: As Adam Warlock adjust to his new life on Knowhere and as a member of the Guardians other new feelings out discovered and for a certain team’s captain.

Dog Days Are Over (ao3) - agoldengalaxy G, 3k

Summary: {Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 Spoiler alert!}

“It’s weird, dontcha think?” Rocket asked softly. “Can’t remember the last time it felt so good around here.”

“Yes.” Nebula paused, then looked down at her lap. “I hope…you are feeling it, too.”

drive off the map and take the long way round (ao3) - effiegogo T, 1k

Summary: Peter's grandparents meet... Peter's other grandparents.

in the meantime (ao3) - reptileetea gamora/peter T, 1k

Summary: in which rocket visits peter on earth six months after the events of vol 3 and finally opens up to his best friend.

i pray the lord my soul to keep (ao3) - quillsmora gamora/peter T, 6k

Summary: She had loved him before, even if she hadn’t known it then; maybe she was always supposed to love him. After all, given what they’d been through these past few weeks the concept of soulmates isn’t quite as ridiculous as Gamora once thought.

or: adam warlock offers gamora a solution, peter quill offers her a bed. she accepts both.

It's called caring (ao3) - von_gikkingen G, 4k

Summary: “I need a way to know what’s going on in that stupid space skull,” Gamora announces.

“Wouldn’t that be nice,” chuckles Stakar, apparently deciding that as the captain it’s his job to get involved in this. “Those a-holes she hangs out with are always at the centre of whatever the weirdest thing going on in the galaxy is. If we knew what they’re up to we’d know which parts to steer clear off.”

“I mean they are always getting in trouble. Half the time it’s on purpose. And what if it’s going to get worse now that Star-guy and Bug left?” Gamora says, all the more passionate on the subject now that she’s been agreed with, if only jokingly. Because the captain couldn’t have meant that. That wasn’t the kind of idea they got the whole crew together over so they can work out an actual plan of action... “I mean who is even in charge right now? I don’t know. Why would I need to be told...?” Gamora snaps with angry indignation.

At a person who is currently lightyears away.

Just Us, Just Maybe (ao3) - MysteryWriter2187 nebula/peter T, 2k

Summary: After waking up in bed with an unexpected - but not necessarily unwanted - companion, Nebula grapples with her complicated emotions about this intimate encounter, and the potential future it may hold. Post-GOTG3 one-shot. Quebula (Quill/Nebula) mostly fluff.

Name Game (ao3) - SPARROWFOOT N/R, 6k

Summary: Peter, Drax, Mantis, Groot, Nebula, and Rocket. A bunch’a jackasses sitting in a circle. The core Guardians of the Galaxy, sans Gamora, and — yeah, that will never not sting. So it’s probably for the best that they find their own path, but Peter’s always found it hard to let go of the past. The Guardians will live on, and they will always be family, but they’ll never be this group, in this time, ever again.

“Alright, alright,” Rocket says, with a half-assed attempt at his usual swagger. “Here’s how this is gonna work. We’re gonna, one at a time, name a raccoon baby.” He reaches into the box, pulling one away from the pack. Its little paws knead at the air, trying to find a surface. “Then we’re gonna tag it. Then they’re gonna get to run free ‘round Knowhere until they’ve grown enough to go home.”

Before the Guardians formally disband, Rocket asks one last thing of them all.

Nice (ao3) - fanficsandfluff G, 2k

Summary: Rocket comes to terms with post-Vol. 3 emotions, and his family is there to help him through it. They all realize something about their little furry friend and reassure Rocket about his feelings.

Rewrite the Stars (ao3) - The_Ultimate_Faker nebula/peter T, 2k

Summary: (Post GotG3) Nebula comes to terms with some emotions she has towards her fellow Guardian, Peter Quill, while taking care of his drunken self. Though she may try to avoid emotions, it was inevitable that she would have to confront them eventually.

Step by Step (ao3) - Malvoish nebula/peter G, 1k

Summary: Nebula and Peter met to watch a movie but are more invested in their own feelings.

plays after GOTG3 with the small difference that Peter never left for earth or just postpones it

The Beauty Of A Nebula (ao3) - Melinzki_04 nebula/peter G, 1k

Summary: Nebula and Peter share a little moment before he leaves to visit his grandfather on earth.

The dog days are over (ao3) - just_a_pineapple nebula/peter T, 2k

Summary: A fluffy fic about Nebula and Peter set a year after the ending of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3.

The essence of love (ao3) - jedifox peter/adam T, 1k

Summary: Peter and Adam cuddle on the couch after a movie night with the guardians and Peter’s curious about Adam.

The Monkey on Your Back (ao3) - FireSoul T, 6k

Summary: After the defeat of the High Evolutionary there are plenty of children who need homes, someone to look after them. Nebula thought she was clear that - for the most part - dealing with that would be Drax's problem.

Evidently, one child didn't get the memo.

You Can't Carry It With You (If You Want To Survive) (ao3) - FoundInTheStars T, 2k

Summary: After everything, Rocket and Peter learn to let go.

#themculibrary #mcu #marvel #guardians of the galaxy #guardians of the galaxy masterlist #masterlists #post gotg vol 3 #post gotg vol 3 masterlist

[justanotherthrowaway1950]

Why Comics!Mai Has a Point

(Note: I do not condone ableism, I and think it sucks that Avatar of all franchises decided to use such tired tropes surrounding mental illness when it has broken several other harmful stereotypes over the course its existence. That being said I am trying to explain comics!Mai’s viewpoint, and she engages in ableism, which sadly makes sense considering the era ATLA takes place in, and her fucked up relationship with Azula and Ozai.)

I don’t like comics!Mai, but a lot of her behavior can easily be explained if we take an overview of her life (from her POV) going up to her last comics appearance.

Stuck in an abusive friendship with a psycho royal just to further your father’s career.

Meet psycho’s royal’s nice and caring older bro and fall in love with him, but he is soon burned and banished due to failing to meet his even more psycho father’s standards.

Psycho royal eventually finds you after you have left home to further father’s political career, and basically forces you to join the hunt for your lover when your real best friend heavily implies she was forced at firepoint to join psycho royal's hunt, and so you have no choice but to join, or you and/or your loved ones will suffer the consequences.

Psycho royal forces you to not trade for your kidnapped brother, and only because the “terrorists” are benevolent prevents your brother from dying, or worse.

Eventually meet up with lover and rekindle relationship.

Lover is both mentally and physically scarred and dealing with his trauma, but you remain supportive of him, even when he acts like a jackass to you.

Lover eventually commits treason and only leaves you a vague note. And when you confront him in prison, all he really says is that he has to redeem his nation. However, you trust him nevertheless and save him and his party from certain death while all but ensuring yours. In fact, the only reason why you got a life sentence instead is because your real best friend attacked the psycho royal when she was going to hit you with lightning, and then the psycho sparred you both because ?????

Once lover disposes of his psycho relatives and takes the throne, you are only released (quickly) because of your uncle, but you still go back to your lover and ask that he essentially never leaves you (in the dark) again.

But lover not only starts to go back to psycho father, but also starts taking his advice, despite said father abusing lover most of his life and enabling your abuser.

Realizing your unconditional support has coddled your lover, you leave him so that he can realize what is truly important, and therefore change his behavior for the better.

However, lover releases psycho royal in a selfish-quest to find mommy, and then has the gall to lose her. This causes you and your best friend to live in constant paranoid, frightful that the psycho royal could pop out of anywhere to punish you both for your “betrayals".

Psycho royal creates a terrorist cell that kidnaps your brother as part of a larger kidnapping scheme to fuck with everyone who "betrayed" her as far as you know, and manipulates your father, who is leading a terrorist cell trying to put your (OG) lover's psycho father back on the throne. And your father almost succeeds by almost killing (OG) lover, despite the fact that your (OG) lover's psycho father would likely kill you and your best friend for the treason you committed against him. 

Yet, despite all his fuck ups, you still love your (OG) lover, and so you help him find the kidnapped kids, despite psycho royal getting massively stronger, leading to her almost killing you several times as far as you know, and her taking away the one trump card (OG) lover had over her.

You manage to rescue the kids, but psycho royal and her terrorist cell still roam at large, and the psycho continues to get stronger by day to the point she could feasible kill a serious Avatar in Avatar State with lethal AOE instant lightning, or by using some other technique(s), getting rid of the one person who could truly protect you and everyone you care about.

So yeah comics!Mai is a bad person, and an even bigger hypocrite than Zuko. But thinking about it rationally, she has a lot to be upset with Zuko.

And if comics!Mai was a real character, and not just a drama device, even after breaking up with Kei Lo, she should have had an argument with Zuko over his fuck ups and relapses, and demand that he do better. Especially when lives are on the line, and still are.

#mai #ty lee #zuko #azula #ozai #ursa #ukano #tom tom #kiyi #new ozai society #kemurikage #fake kemurikage #fire warriors #the promise #the search #rebound #smoke and shadow #mai meta #justanotherthrowaway1950meta

[luckydragon10]

P&P Chapters 35 and 36

(Chapters 32, 33, 34)

Lots happened last time. Lots and lots. Score check:

Mr. Darcy, aka Mr. Bungles, dropped to -15.

Lizzy maintained her score at +25.

~~~

Chapter 35

Mr. Darcy: “I have been walking in the grove some time in the hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour of reading that letter?”

You were up all night writing that, weren't you? And you approach her, give her the letter, say your line, and walk off. That had better be the best-written letter of your whole damn life.

Big, big, big long honking letter. Lots to digest. But this one. OOHHHH, this one:

(Mr. Darcy) There is but one part of my conduct in the whole affair on which I do not reflect with satisfaction; it is that I condescended to adopt the measures of art so far as to conceal from him your sister’s being in town. 

I hope Lizzy is as mad at you about this one as I am. Prat. Twat. How about a nice fat -10 points for you, jackass.

This is a LOT of info-dumping. I wonder whether Austen is going to immediately rush to set up new plot hooks to replace the ones that are getting cleared up right now.

Wicky, of course, is the wastrel I assumed him to be. Wow, there's still more to go about him, though.

I'm most of the way through the letter, and mainly I'm just wondering HOW this is all fitting on two pieces of paper and an envelope?!

Oh, yeah, trying to elope with Darcy's baby sister is worse. Nice one, Wicky. Be glad he left you alive.

Whew, okay, info dump received and processed. That was much.

~~~

Chapter 36

Was Elizabeth just standing or sitting around outside the entire time she read that novel of a letter?

But such as they were, it may well be supposed how eagerly she went through them, and what a contrariety of emotion they excited. 

"A contrariety of emotion" -> I love this. This is basically me all the time.

With a strong prejudice against everything he might say, she began his account of what had happened at Netherfield. 

Doop de doo. Just gonna leave that there.

His belief of her sister’s insensibility she instantly resolved to be false;

Okay, one thing I want to question is that if Mr. Darcy was carefully judging by appearances that Jane felt no affection for Mr. Bingley, what the hell measure was he using to determine whether Lizzy had affection for him? Or did he just throw his measuring stick out the window because he was in love?

She wished to discredit it entirely, repeatedly exclaiming, “This must be false! This cannot be! This must be the grossest falsehood!”—and when she had gone through the whole letter, though scarcely knowing anything of the last page or two, put it hastily away, protesting that she would not regard it, that she would never look in it again.

I'm taking 5 points off for willful blindness. Look into it. He gave you a viable cross-reference.

*watches Lizzy slowly put things together about Wicky* Theeeeeere we go.

She grew absolutely ashamed of herself. Of neither Darcy nor Wickham could she think without feeling she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, absurd.

Okay, but just so long as you're not ashamed of calling him out about Jane, because he really did cock that up royally.

He declared himself to be totally unsuspicious of her sister’s attachment; and she could not help remembering what Charlotte’s opinion had always been. Neither could she deny the justice of his description of Jane. She felt that Jane’s feelings, though fervent, were little displayed, and that there was a constant complacency in her air and manner not often united with great sensibility.

Mmmmm, I'm still on the other side of this. He STILL made an assumption about Jane's feelings without confirming that he was right.

...and as she considered that Jane’s disappointment had in fact been the work of her nearest relations, and reflected how materially the credit of both must be hurt by such impropriety of conduct, she felt depressed beyond anything she had ever known before.

Darcy's off the hook, apparently, for butting his nose into Bingley and Jane's relationship. Meeehhhhhhh, dissatisfactory.

(Chapters 37 and 38)

#nemi reads p&p #pride and predujice #chapters 35 and 36

[praphit]

Praphit’s Pinocchio!

I've said before, that I'm not into these live-action Disney films; I consider them a scam. They're selling me a story that they've already told me. It always feels a bit stale, doesn't it?? Now, I WILL bleep with certain remakes, but normally, the best remakes are the ones where enough time has gone by, and people don't even remember/know there is an original.

"Pinocchio" is a story that's older than Bernie Sanders., but it's been remade SO MANY times.

BUT, this time, we've got a Hankypank alert.

My main man, Tom Hanks can sell me on pretty much anything, so I'm in. Who doesn't love Tom??  A great actor and from what I can tell, a lovable human being. Whatever part of the soul that one loses when they become famous, somehow Tom Hanks has kept. If I'm going to be scammed, it might as well be by him.

Tom Hanks plays Geppetto (of course, Pinoc's papa). Probably no need to recap, but I'll do one anyway:

G is a wood carver, who makes clocks that he won't sell. I don't know how he stays in business that way, but whatever. He is grieving the loss of his family (wife and son). We're not told what happened to them.

Maybe they died.

Maybe they left. Perhaps Geppetto was selling drugs on the side to pay the bills, and his family found out. They didn't want to become like that "Ozark" family, so they split town.

Maybe his family never existed, cuz G is a lil... crazy. 

I don't like to throw the C word around, but it may apply here for Geppetto.

Let's say you have a grandpa that you go to visit. You find out that he's living at work and he has surrounded himself with cuckoo clocks. You take him out, and he insists on bringing his cat and goldfish. 

And when you bring gramps back home (again, his work) you discover that he has built himself a son out of wood. What would YOU call that? :) Idk. We'll just say that his family was whisked off by... Michael Myers, and we'll keep it moving.

G proceeds to conjure some sort of rogue, mischievous spirit into his home (played by Cynthia Ervio - she was excellent, and hits a Mariah Careyish high note).

This spirit casts an animation spell on the wooden boy (Pinoc), and appoints a hobo cricket (voiced by Joseph Gordon Levitt), who could be defeated by a hungry bird, a foot, a gust of wind, or even a jar -  to watch over Pinocchio.

This spirit says for now you're just a living lump of wood, but if you live right and your heart is pure, then perhaps I'll change you into a REAL BOY!

We all know of the fun of this town in which Pinoc's explores:

There's the fox (Keegan Michael Key), 

whom (animation and voice wise) I love everything about... although he's kind of a human trafficker.

There's a slaveowner (aka Stromboli).

(perfect picture of health and sanity)

   FYI - there's a sexy "employee"  (Kyanne Lamaya) of the slaveowner, who's a bit of a weirdo. 

I don't like to throw around the W word either, but... she's a puppeteer, so I feel like that label is valid for anyone of that trade. Will she be fun and playful or become a Batman villain? 

- that's part of her mystique.

They meet a devil (No prob throwing the D word around), who's the gatekeeper to some sort or temptation island (Luke Evans, also excellent as this dude "The Coachman").

On this island, kids end up indulging in all kinds of naughty behavior. As a result, they turn into donkeys. 

(I couldn’t resist :) Can you imagine if the kids, instead of donkey traits, started growing strange blond hair and their skin turned orange?? Best Pinocchio movie ever.

This whole premise is never really explained. Like... how? and why? 

The kids are turned into donkeys and then sold. But, who wants donkeys??! 

I get the whole "Hey, if you act like a jackass, you'll turn into one." thing, but... every asshole kid that I've ever met didn't become that way on their own; let's give their parents some credit.

AND there's a sea monster that the whole town knows about, but doesn't seem interested in getting rid of it. It's just out there creeping, destroying, and consuming. I'm not sure if there's some kind of metaphoric thing happening here or not... we'll just call it climate change for now :)

In the end (spoiler alert... though can I spoil a story that's older than Mick Jagger?),

Pinocchio's purity is tested, but proves worthy of him becoming a real boy. Or at least... that's how this story is supposed to end.

This story does not end that way. Something about Pinocchio being fine just the way he is.... and if you're truthful blah blah blah, and him being like a real boy inside or... something. If it were me, and I had gone through all of these stupid tests to become a "real boy" and that bitchass spirit DIDN'T make good on that promise... whew, I'd be pissed!

"The hell with all of that love ya as you are BS! Look here, pops, you conjure that fairy back here right now, and get me my flesh and blood body, or there WILL BE TROUBLE! You hear me, old man??!"

Grade?

The problem here is that there are not enough changes to this version to make it worth the watch. There are a plethora of Pinocchio titles to choose from, but why should I choose this one?

There's a bunch of creepy Pinoc's

(seriously... that’s haunting)

One from the future (I think... I may have dreamed that one, but I’m pretty sure I remember a futuristic, robotic Pinocchio)

One with 0% on RT

How bad does it have to be not to get at least 1%??

A Korean one :)

and even one of Revenge. 

Although I don't know whom he'd be getting revenge on. All of the bad stuff that happens is kinda his fault. Perhaps he's getting revenge for how this story originally ends. I hear it didn't go to well for Pinoc back then.

Nothing is different here! In fact, some of the goodies of the childhood story are taken out. You've got a great actor in The Hankypank Man, whom if you've noticed, I didn't mention much. He's barely in this story!

Now, you might say, "But, Praphit, this is a story about Peeneezy." Yeah, but his story is old and stale.

How about deal with all of the mental illness and monsters that seem to be running freely through this town. That's what I would do, if I were doing a remake.

In "Praphit's Pinocchio" , we'd start by giving Tom some more shine. We'll  clean him up. Get him a suit.... or maybe JUST dress pants... cuz we're giving The Hankypank man a Marvel bod. TIGHT dress pants for the Hankypank Man’s new tight ass... sex sells. Slick his hair back. Maybe rock a monocle. He'll sweet talk the ladies of the community and sell some clocks... maybe do some house visits to the ladies, and make them whatever they desire out of his wood.

THEN, he'll summon the spirit, she'll make Pinocchio real from the jump this time. Then, G will cast her into Hell where she belongs (that's my Christian background speaking :) Don't worry, she'll do a song and dance on her way to Hell -we'll make it family-friendly and fun.

Then, Pinocchio will grow up big and strong, and become a cop (cuz there doesn't appear to be any in this town full of criminals). Tom Hanks, gettin money and booty. And his son, cleaning up crime.

Those of changes, baby!

Hey, Disney, that's what a remake looks like!

Disney might reply "Yeah, but this is what money looks like."

Can't argue with that. Might as well make that plus sign in “Disney +” a money symbol.

Not a bad watch, but... it just doesn’t stand out.

Grade: C

#pinocchio #johnpraphit #praphitproductions.com #DisneyPlus #Marvel #TomHanks #Disney #Geppetto #Praphit #Fairies #Hell #monsters #keeganmichaelkey #josephgordonlevitt #remakes #money #horror

[alivehahahafuck]

[Deleted Scene] TWBitD

Press “f” to pay respects

“Every time I go around it’s harder and harder to watch it. Watch them meet, become friends, fall in love, go to war together, get married, become the best monarchs. And then watch him after they die. Because it was unexpected. She didn’t die from an illness, they didn’t get their last words. I watch him fall past the pits of hell so quickly and it takes years to even become remotely okay. And as time progresses he gets better and better, but I never get to know the end, I never find out if he’s happy. Because I die, or almost die, and then I’m forced to go through all of it again. I think that’s why we have such an unbreakable bond. He doesn’t know that I loop. Or at least I don’t tell him every time I loop. But I know him. I know every thought and every emotion that goes through him until the day I die. You might be wondering why, if I know everything that’s going to happen, why can’t I change things or give us a leg up. Because I made a promise. I met GOD (this is why lyah is spiritual on a weird level). The promise is that I can stay alive, but I will live my life on loop and I cannot change anything I or anyone else said or did outside of a slight margin of error. Basically I’m not allowed to change history. I know exactly what’s going to happen and I can’t tell anybody and it makes every death twelve times harder. GOD partially took away my ability to break the promise. I have been physically restrained by myself and an unseen force to be kept from doing things. My throat refuses to form the words and make the sounds of things I’m not allowed to say. And even if I managed to change things, then I would die. So you may go and try to do something “changed” but you don’t know what has already been done so you don’t know what a deviation is. You might decide to go randomly kiss somebody to “break the cycle” when in reality, you’ve done it in every cycle. For no other reason than thinking you’re making a change. Sometimes little things change. Subplots as I would like to call them. But the main events can never be changed. Maybe you save a life here or there but it all resets at the end of it all. And I don’t know if this is real or if this is in my head and no change ever actually really happens. I’m trapped. But I try to make the best of it. I don’t have to worry about money or planning for my future because I know exactly what is going to happen and then it all resets. I like seeing the slight variations through. You and Cassio have a few different variations of your relationship. Yeah, you date that jackass, don't ask me why. Sometimes this conversation spurs it. Sometimes it’s different events in the future that I cannot disclose. Only a couple times you two got together within the first week of knowing each other.”

#thingswebecomeinthedark #lyah #phiel #cassio #cassxchrys #chrys #death #loop #future #thisweholdfromthelight

[dimplesandcutesmiles]

Yo sorry about the 100 spam, there’s just a lot of feelings but it’s all over now and that part of me can rest except when I see a gif of bell and get triggered again

I’m begging the universe, to pls let jr*th’s entire career die and be buried, I hope he and his show gets cancelled for good

Bellarke will always live in my heart and in my heart it’s canon (as is in the books, fanfic and with beliza) I’m happy for l*xa/cl*xa stans that they got their girl back even tho it wasn’t really her, it was just jr*th baiting them and fooling them. At least some part of the 100 fandom wins tonight... altho I guess we’re all winners now that it’s done

WE’RE FREEEE, BITCHES!!!!!!

#the 100 #bellarke #thank god that shit show is over #I mean it was over a long time ago #the last two seasons were just a reanimated corpse being puppeteered around #all I cared about was Murphy and memori by the end #and so at least they’re happy together #Bellamy Blake and the Blake siblings deserved better #at least O is happy #ugh #may we NEVER meet that jackass again #I hope he dies #2020 redeem yourself with his death

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Reborn - Part 12

Fic: A Woman Reborn (Part 12)

Pairing: Billy Russo X Reader (from A Woman Scorned)

Rating: R / 18+ only

A/N: This is a sequel to A Woman Scorned and takes place a few years after the events of AWS.

MasterList (includes links to AWS and previous chapters here)

Summary: You and Billy are happily married when tragedy strikes, jeopardizing your relationship and everything you two have built together. Can the two of you find your way back to each other or is the special bond you once shared broken forever?

You took a sip of your coffee, shaking your head in exasperation. Dinah was recounting an exchange with one of her colleagues who had stepped way out of line and it reminded you all of all the times something similar happened to you in your career. It seemed no matter the industry there were always jackasses who couldn’t handle women in charge, despite how qualified or accomplished the women may have been.

“At least you don’t have to deal with that crap anymore,” Dinah remarked.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re the CEO of Anvil, not middle management. I really hope you don’t have to put up with bullshit from people who work for you.”

“I used to, especially right after the accident when I first took over.” You remembered how difficult it was, taking in charge of an organization where you had no history other than being the boss’s wife, and the hesitation on everyone’s faces when they looked to you for stability and guidance. Then there was the emotional toll from the actual incident itself, dealing with Billy’s change in personality and all the chaos that caused. As hard as it had been though, Anvil had been a life-saver for you. It gave you something else to focus on rather than a husband who seemed to hate your very existence. “But these days I just get it from potential clients.” You shrugged your shoulders. “I’ll do all kinds of research to figure out what they might need from us and I go into these meetings completely ready and prepared to close the deal - except then they see it’s a woman in charge and they either get disappointed or pissed that Anvil’s just jerking them around. At least some of them will be polite and still keep an open mind and give me a chance to impress them, but then you have these jerks who shut me out completely.”

“Do you really want those kinds of clients anyway?”

“We just got back on our feet. I’m not in a position where I can turn down contracts with sexist assholes.” You sighed. “So I started taking Curtis with me to these meetings to offset awkward situations.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Maybe, but it’s Anvil who benefits so I don’t really care. Anyway, it’s only for a few more weeks. I’m not planning to be there for much longer.”

“Have you thought about what you want to do after?”

You bit the inside of your cheek, contemplating the question. “For the first time in my life I’m not going to be in school or working. And I have no idea what I’ll do.”

Dinah’s eyes brightened. “Exciting though, isn’t it?”

You snickered. “Scary, actually.”

“You could travel.”

The thought made you sad, remembering the list of places you and Billy had put together to visit. There had been nine countries on that list, but only two had come to fruition. And now that was never going to happen. “We’ll see.”

“If New York doesn’t work out, you should think about moving to Washington. It’s a different world out there.”

You smiled at Dinah. “So you like DC?”

“I mean there’s good and bad, but yeah, I like it. For the most part.”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

The subtle blush on Dinah’s cheeks were a dead giveaway. “Maybe, but it���s still very new.”

“Good.” You finished the rest of your coffee. “I’m happy for you. You deserve it.”

“And what about you?”

You shook your head ‘no’. “I’m done with romance for now.”

She leaned forward, cupping her cheek. “I heard Billy’s working at Anvil again.”

You stiffened. “Only when he feels like it.”

“Meaning?”

“He comes and goes as he pleases.” And he hadn’t shown up at work for a week only to turn up in your apartment on Saturday night to issue threats.

“That doesn’t sound like Billy.”

“Because it’s not.” It was a reminder for yourself as much as Dinah. She watched you intently but didn’t say anything, for which you were grateful. You were tired of talking about him. “How long are you here for?”

“Few days.”

“For work?”

“Yes.”

As much as you wanted to believe Dinah was here for Dumont, you knew that wasn’t possible. You had sent the email anonymously only two nights ago, right after Billy left your apartment. She probably hadn’t even seen it, let alone gone through all the files you’d linked. But Dinah was smart and had great instincts, one of the many reasons she was now in charge of the FBI’s organized crime division. You knew it was only a matter of time before her interest was piqued and she’d start looking into Dumont. You just had to be patient.

She glanced down at her phone. “I should go. I have a meeting at 10.”

Both of you made your way out of the café and onto the street. “It was nice catching up.”

“Maybe we can grab dinner later this week?”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

After saying your goodbyes you went to work, and found an additional desk in your office. The room, once belonging to Billy, had always been ridiculously big, more apt for a boardroom really. Tastefully decorated to his specifications, you never felt the need to switch anything up – except now there was a smaller desk where there once used to be an empty corner. What the fuck? You stormed over, picking up the picture frame that was sitting atop. It was a photo of you and Billy on your wedding day.

“Good morning.”

Hearing Billy’s voice, you spun around. Your stomach dropped, your heart pounding. He was dressed in a dark grey suit, one of his favourite work outfits in his wardrobe, his hair cut in the same style he used to wear before the accident. It was as if you were staring at your husband, like no time had passed and the last two years was just a figment of your imagination. Your throat was dry, you couldn’t speak, watching him hesitantly as he swaggered towards you. When he stood in front of you and you saw the dulled scars on his face, you reminded yourself that this wasn’t your Billy – but it was difficult to cling to that when he smelled like Billy, and looked like Billy and was regarding you with the same intensity that Billy once did.  

And then he reached out to touch your hand, his long lean fingers lingering on yours and it was like you were caught in a trance, transfixed by his close proximity. Eyes locked together, bodies touching, you stared up at him, drowning in the deep dark abyss of his eyes. Then his temple grazed yours, his free hand cupping your face and you stood on your tiptoes to close your mouth over his-

“Oh. I’m sorry. Shit.”

Sonia’s flustered voice brought you rushing back to reality and you jumped back. Cheeks flushed, you untangled yourself from Billy’s arms, dropping the picture frame on the floor. You didn’t bother to pick it up, walking around it as you headed back to your desk. “What the hell’s going on here?” You demanded, trying to cover up your embarrassment. “Why is his desk in my office?” Deliberately ignoring Billy as he bent down to pick up the frame and put it back in place, you kept your attention on Sonia.

“I don’t know. He made some kind of arrangements with the custodian staff and it was all here when I came in this morning. I was gonna call you to tell you but then I got distracted-”

“You could ask me. I am standing right here,” Billy interjected. There was that arrogant fucking drawl, teasing you, taunting you, forcing you to engage with him while he sat back on his desk, a beautiful smirk lighting up his face.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Fingers gripping the edge of his desk, he flashed you a cocky smile. “Anvil is ours, babe. I can’t just fuck around while you do all the work. Need to pull my weight too, you know.”

Remembering that Sonia was still in the room, you focused your attention back on her. “Can you give us a few minutes?”

Sonia looked relieved to make her escape, shutting the door behind her.

“What is this, another ploy?” A bitter laugh escaped your throat. “I’m only here for a few more weeks and then you can have it all back. No need to pull stunts like this to remind me of my place.”

“I’ve been going through the reports. Anvil’s revenues have gone up by 30% compared to when I was in charge.” His eyes twinkled, beaming with pride. “Always knew you’d blow this place up.”

You ignored the heated flush that spread through you. “Yeah, I’m great at my job. And I don’t have time to play your fucking games.”

He put his hands up in peace, still smirking. “Hey, I’m just here to learn from the best. And there’s no better way to do that than watch you in action.”

“You really expect me to believe that?”

Arrogant smile fading, he sauntered towards you. Like a predator closing in on prey. Your mind urged you to move, to put some distance between you and this man hellbent on destroying you – but your heart refused, unable to look away from the onyx eyes that held you mesmerized. It wasn’t fair, not even close, that he looked so much like the man you loved, that hair, those clothes, the same potent desire in his gaze that you’d never been able to resist. You knew it was a deliberate choice in his part to unsettle you, to weaken your resolve, and you hated that it was working. You were falling for it.

He reached out to touch your hair, molten eyes trailing his own fingers as he smoothed down an errant curl, tucking it behind your ear. Your heart pounded so loud you worried he could hear it, that he could feel his impact on your body and soul.

“You’re gonna have to trust me at some point, sweetheart,” he murmured.

You shook your head. “No, I really don’t.”

He smiled, that playful, adorable smile that aways made your knees weak and tugged at your heart. Despite your resolve, your body swayed closer when his hand traced a heated blaze down to your throat. The warmth from his fingers seared through your skin. You may have been fully clothed but you felt naked in front of him, exposed. “You remember the first time you came to this office? We came here after dinner, I was so excited to show you around.”

It was easier to stay strong when he was overtly an asshole and threatening you – but this, this new strategy of rekindling your feelings to manipulate you was infinitely more difficult to navigate and a fucking low blow. Not that it was a surprise. This man in front of you was capable of anything. You held his stare, your voice solemn. “No.”

“No?” He leaned in closer, fingers curling around the edges of the desk on both sides of you, trapping you. “We fucked on this desk. Our first time christening this office.”

You swallowed an audible breath, heart squeezing at the memory. “Must have been someone else. You did get around.”

“Maybe we should do it again, might help rejog your memory.”

“Maybe you should drop dead. Save me the hassle of killing you.”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach at his lopsided smile. “Is that what you want, sweetheart? To see me dead?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t speak, didn’t argue, simply studying you closely. Dark eyes filled with solemnity drifting down to your lips, and your breaths grew labored, matching his, as if the act of being close yet holding yourself back was a physical exertion in itself. You ached for him, desperate to run your fingers through his hair, to kiss him.

His voice was sure, certain. “I love you.”

Just like that, the spell ended. In your years together Billy was voracious about showing his love for you, his need and desperation for you something he wore proudly and without shame. Yet you could count on one hand all the times he’d actually said he loved you. That never bothered you, you were more or less the same, but hearing the words fall so easily from his lips now – it was crystal clear how different this man was from your husband. And how keen he was to reel you in with his lies. “Get out of my way,” you commanded.

He stepped back immediately, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Guess playtime’s over.”

You circled around your desk and took a seat, refusing to engage with him any further.

***

After sharing an office with Billy for two days, you were ready to scream. It was challenging in a way you didn’t expect. You presumed he would be goofing around, trying to usurp your time with meaningless arguments, probably even attempt to override your authority – except he did nothing of the sort. Instead he worked diligently, even doing grunt work when Sonia needed help. You tried to stay focused on your own tasks but it was hard to do when you looked across the room and saw him on the phone, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, determination etched on his face as he negotiated signing a new facility for training exercises.

You squeezed your thighs together, refusing to think about how much the sight of him pacing in front of his desk turned you on. Billy was hot, he’d always been that, but there was something about him in a tailored suit that just hit differently. The jacket had been hung up hours ago, and now he was in a crisp white shirt, navy blue tie and perfectly matching snug trousers and you couldn’t keep your eyes off his ass. The worst part of it all was that he wasn’t even trying to get your attention, he was just working – yet you couldn’t stop sneaking glances at him.  

Your phone buzzed, drawing your focus.

Dinner tonight?

Your stomach coiled into knots. It was a text from Matt, whose messages and calls you’d been ignoring for almost a week. You felt like shit, he deserved so much better from you and the least you could do was end things with him face-to-face instead of avoiding him. But it’s not like you had a choice in the matter, thanks to Billy’s threats.

Seeing that Billy had ended the call and returned to his chair, you decided to take a shot in changing his mind.

Drinking the last of your water, poor form of liquid courage if ever there was one, you stood up and approached him. He looked up, meeting your gaze, following your movements as you sauntered closer in your maroon wrap dress and nude stilettos. Fine, yeah, you’d taken special care with your makeup and outfits this week, but only because you needed every boost of confidence you could get when dealing with Billy – he would never make you feel like crap again.

Leaning back in his chair, eyes lingering down your body languidly before drifting up to meet your gaze, he smiled. “Hi.”

“I need to talk to Matt.”

The change was instantaneous in him, flirtatious to angry within seconds. His dark eyes blazed with fury. “No.”

“I can’t just avoid him. He’s done a lot for me, and he’s been a great friend-”

“More than that,” he spat out. Jaw clenched, lips pressed in a thin line, Billy was pissed as fuck and you felt your insides clench with anxiety.

“I’m not going to ghost him. I owe him more than that.”

He angled forward, elbows on desk. “Then you should stay the fuck away from him so he can live.”

There was no doubt in your mind he would go through with the threats and reveal Matt’s true identity. Billy didn’t let anything stand in his way. You swallowed the angry lump in your throat, glaring at him. “So you’re not going to change your mind? Even though all I want is to explain to him I can’t see him anymore.”

You thought you saw a flash of guilt in his eyes but it must have been a figment of your imagination, especially when he stood up and started drawing closer. You straightened your spine, refusing to cower in front of him as he stood directly in front of you.

His voice was soft, tender, as if he was genuinely offering you helpful advice. “Tell him on the phone.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. This isn’t a phone convo.”

His eyes travelled over your face, seemingly inhaling you in. “Fine. You can meet him. An hour max.”

Surprised, you peered up at him. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. But I want something in return.”

Of course. You ignored the pounding of your heart as his eyes seemed to light up with mischief. “What do you want?”

His darkened eyes were affixed to your lips. “A kiss.”

You froze, unable to move. You hadn’t kissed him in so long, every part of you yearned for it, but you also knew it was a boundary you weren’t prepared to cross with this man. “No.”

To be continued...

A/N - So if there seems to be a change in tone, it’s deliberate. Angst without some fun and levity just gets boring and tedious. And Billy’s gone for a change in tactic when it comes to the Reader. Hopefully you enjoyed it too. As always, thank you for the support :)

Tag List.

@yourfavoritefruitybitch @voyevoda-thejoy @adreamemporium @queenmalhinewahine @gubleryum @galaxyjane @xceafh@maralisa124@tomhollandisabae @daybleedsintonightfa11 @lil-baby-nor @all-art-is-quite-useless @tanyaherondale @nashibirne @dour-trash @thetallassgirl @athenamikaelson @agent-jbarnes @primadonnasdream @aleksanderwh0r3 @elisemockingbird @nihilismworld @archisur@nemesis729 @lysawayne@kaqua @ladyblablabla @lemasonda@advictedtohim @24-martie @tarkanelima-blog @shinebrightlikeafanbase @krystal-clear1 @damalseer@dontjinx-it@darkishx @wanderlusting-about-life @thatguppienamedbae @happypepperdog @bat-revival @sassygirl25 @consulting–heroes @the-celestial-kitsune @mackaywhore @ablxssm @competitive-dust @red-head011 @exo-1204 @sunsetenigma @millieb-3199 @chatnain @licensedcheek @tinkertailor1212 @vertesalope @safetyhtom @acourtofglassandroses @eliwinchester-barnes @finnismyoriginalsin @weallhaveadestiny @beananacake @beauty-and-the-beast97 @smurfelle @fire-treasure-iii @charly-0 @kestrafagnor @pigwidgeonxo @damagelove @allegra-writes @pensandthings @jad3djay @batshitbarnes @kashimayuki @secretsthathauntus @odetostep @awesome-eccia @mackaywhore @stories-you-wont-hear @vvsdiamond28 @supernaturalcat7 @arieltwvdtohamflash @iknownoqueenbutthequeeninme    @devs-stufff @ticosas @moodacheeks @myakai13 @carlywhomever @fvckthisbxtchup @its-evita-here @papapapadumb @talesfrommycell @bat-luna-cat @fific7 @elluvians @dailydoseofchoices @everythinghappens-love @papapapadumb @mylife-love-and-other-things @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @ancientbeing10 @natty2245 @stuckysavedmylive @kasslucilfer @simp-for-ben-barners @originaldeputycalzoneegg @bdffkierenwalker @kimoranelson03 @sadbi-hours @haushinka27  @haushinka27    @caylaxwrites   @extraneousred   @agentmstark   @crazywitchkitty   @its-an-idea-not-a-blog  @partypoison00    @fictional-hooman   @hoglady   @helnicks    @luckyfreakfishpeach   @chiquitita18   @rachlovesactors  @icecream50055  @doloreschanal   @lupinsfavslytherin    @swthxrry    @wanderlusting-about-life   @dreamer7black  @leahnicole1219 @superawesomegeek @weallhaveadestiny   @toxicenough @tiiffanym  @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind @cap-just-said-language  @edithsvoice   @natashasilverfox   @ohsorandomlyme @lupoliatova  @alltheloztboys  @bl0ckedurl @nothingbettertosay81 @antideppresants @clarissahunter  @profoundme444 @shazianazir05  @zos-things @my-day6  @thelightinmyshadows  @lincerad  @ramadiiiisme  @blanchedelioncourt  @wondergal2001  @aunicornmademedoit @sarcasm-n-insomnia   @outlawadvocate  @loki-yoursaviourishere@littlebobree  @daybleedsintonightfa11  @fire-treasure-iii  @binooo98  @ilsalicechepiangeva  @lilypad-55449  @arimistery @evanscavillstan  @theblogofb  @iamgettingalife  @eginv-blog  @profoundme444 @derangedcupcake  @ just-a-harmless-patato @simp-for-ben-barners  @itzzzzcookie @iammyownloverr   @lieselottec

#billy russo x reader #billy russo #ben barnes #billy russo x you #the punisher

[phoenixes-and-wizards]

ok but can we just talk about how deep reggie's abuse of his children goes? like first, we have ben, who has repeatedly established himself to be the kindest and most understanding among his siblings. despite the fact that klaus has been treating him more of a show pony than a brother for most of season 2, ben still tries to be the angel on his shoulder and offers advice when he can. he even lets it slide when klaus tells their siblings that he didn’t travel back with them, even though it’s so obvious that the remark hurt, because klaus of all people knows just how much ben misses their family, misses being alive.

but the minute klaus insinuates that he sounds just like their father, he finally shows an emotion that is anything but calm, and even goes so far as to attack his brother. this alone should be enough of an indicator as to what kind of man hargreeves was in life.

oh, and should i add that reggie just upped and decided to turn ben’s funeral--a painful occasion on it’s own--into yet another scarring life lesson for the ones he’d left behind? just imagine being shy of seventeen and having at least half the guilt in the universe weighing you down, and ben--who is right there--just wanting to tell all of them that it was “never your fault, diego, please don’t listen to him, we both know you’re better than that,” but of course he can’t, because he’s nothing more than a ghost now, so yes, welcome to powerlessness.

five goes missing and what does he do? nothing. absolutely nothing, aside from having a painting commissioned, but who's to say it wasn't a memorial like ben’s statue and more of a warning to the other children instead? something along the lines of look at how this brat disobeyed me; do you want to disappear, too?

there's luther, who even after everything their father has done to them--to him, most of all--still manages to make up bland, half-baked excuses that he himself is starting to lose faith in, and all that rage and resentment keeps stewing inside him until he reaches his breaking point, rips off his shirt, and yells at his father to look at me! look what you did to me! and it's even more heartbreaking because reggie does look, he just doesn't care

let's move on to allison. it was mentioned at one point that she was something of a daddy's girl growing up, and even though we aren't really shown much of their time together, remember when he made her rumor vanya? how she clearly didn't want to? imagine being so heartless as to instruct a four-year-old child to wipe her sister’s precious memories, all because you were scared of being unable to control her.

and who's to say there were no repeats after that: of allison turning people’s minds and bodies against them, every single one under her father’s orders as part of her “training”, and when allison fails because her conscience has finally caught up with her, who would stop him from hurting her?

definitely not her siblings or grace, and certainly not pogo.

moving on: oh god, klaus. it’s really not a no-brainer why his son barely has any respect for him, even going so far as to put out his cigarette in his father's ashes as a final fuck you, because who could respect somebody who forced you to confront your worst fears at thirteen with no safety net whatsoever, even as you screamed yourself hoarse in that damp tomb, with only your nightmares for company

later on, when klaus honest-to-goodness dies and meets him for the first time after so many years, what’s the first thing reggie does? insult him. no “i imagined it’d be a few more years before you joined me here” or “are you okay? why are you even dead, son?”

instead, reggie debunks his accusations as excuses and outright states that he will not accept a single one. instead, he reminds klaus that he is--and always will be--his father’s greatest disappointment, that him never achieving his full potential was klaus’ fault and his alone.

and when klaus chastises him for being so harsh on them and leaving luther on the moon as an easy out for his shortcomings, what’s his greatest takeaway? that he should have burned every single package luther sent back to earth instead of keeping them under the floorboards. 

no apologies, no owning up to his mistakes whatsoever. 

he just deflects his child’s accusations, and even attempts to gaslight klaus once more into thinking that everything he did was to make them stronger and how dare you disobey me, i made you children what you are today and this is how you repay me? what a bunch of disobedient and ungrateful brats you all are indeed

don't even get me started on vanya's treatment at his hands. otherwise we’ll be here forever.

and then, we have diego. 

time and time again, diego has proven himself to be tough and capable; whose soft interior is something of a privilege bestowed only to those he truly cares for. and even though he's come so far in life and helped so many people, the minute reggie takes a shot at him with a few select words? 

nope, never mind, he's eleven-years-old and back at the academy again.

the man sitting in front of him may not be their father just yet but it’s the exact same words he’s heard for most of his life, the exact same weaknesses gleaned from a single glance, and even in an alternate timeline, his father just knows where to strike, every observation landing dead center like diego’s precious knives. 

(and judging from his siblings’ reactions, this speech is just a rehash of something they’ve all heard before, but it definitely doesn’t mean that it’s going to hurt their brother any less.

no, it will hurt more because he’d actually thought he was finally untouchable after all these years.)

i mean, just look at him: at the way his shoulders shrink inward subconsciously, the excited light in his eyes fading, his stutter reappearing. and despite the fact that he has spent a decade away from this bitter old man, it only takes a minute for his hard earned self-worth to crumble, and suddenly it’s so clear to us just how deep his self-esteem issues go:

because aware or not, everything diego has done and said so far ("he's an asshole; i'm amazing”) has simply been his way of coping with the fact that no matter how many acts of heroism he performs as an attempt to live up to the “perfect superhero” mold reggie forced them to fill at such a young age, their father will never view them with anything less than contempt, not even luther who barely had to work for approval and their father’s twisted version of “love” because he used to be his loyal lapdog favorite, and that is the real reason why i'm gonna hate this jackass forever, in this essay i will

#the umbrella academy #tua #ua #umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #reginald hargreeves #fuck you reggie #you're full of shit #tom hopper #david castañeda #emmy raver-lampman #robert sheehan #aidan gallagher #ellen page #justin h. min #tw: child abuse #tw: emotional abuse #c'mere babies we'll protect you

[goodnightmemes]

DEXTER SEASON TWO SENTENCE STARTERS (PART TWO)

Lines taken from 2x07-2x12 of the show Dexter. Feel free to change pronouns or edit in any way to better fit your needs. Here is part one.

❛ I thrive on chaos. But this is good, too. ❜

❛ I had to do a little creative problem-solving at someone else's expense. ❜

❛ Pardon my tits. ❜

❛ Are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire? ❜

❛ Sometimes the truth speaks from a peaceful place. It's taken me a long time to find that place, but I think I have, and it's telling me you're not the right one for me. I'm so sorry. ❜

❛ Is that what I am? Clean? 'cause I don't feel that way at all. ❜

❛ No, I won't do that. I won't let you turn me into you. ❜

❛ Hope you don't expect me to comment on that so you can record it on your hidden tape recorder. I wasn't born yesterday. ❜

❛ Your past is a bigger mystery than fucking Jimmy Hoffa. ❜

❛ No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work, I'll always be a step ahead of you for one simple reason. I own you. ❜

❛ When I'm alone and it's quiet, I get scared shitless, like I start hearing what's really going on inside. ❜

❛ 'Cause when you're around, I kind of feel like I can deal with anything, you know? ❜

❛ I've always worked best in the shadows, and that's where I have to stay. ❜

❛ You can't go back. You know that. ❜

❛ You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you're seeing little Miss "pardon my tits." ❜

❛ She is obviously a vampire. A gross english-titty vampire. ❜

❛ Can't change who I am. I'm crass and dirty, and...I have a very filthy mind. ❜

❛ Jesus Christ. They sell anyone a gun in Florida, won't they? ❜

❛ That man. He wasn't trying to rob you. He was trying to kill you. ❜

❛ Nothing you could do,___, would scare me. ❜

❛ Whatever comes, we'll get through this together. I'm not leaving your side. ❜

❛ I need to embrace who I am, who I've always been. ❜

❛ It's like I've been living underwater, holding my breath, and now I can finally breathe. ❜

❛ ___ almost had me believing it was possible to change, to become something else, as if that ever really happens. I've always known what I am. ❜

❛ I'm finding it's best to accept things you can't change, you know? ❜

❛ Is this the monster that you keep telling me about? ❜

❛ Trust me, when you meet the monster, you'll know. ❜

❛ Nice. My subconscious isn't even bothering with symbolism. ❜

❛ I feel...such regret, which is rare for me. But not that I don't mess up. I do...just never so stupendously. ❜

❛ If they're looking for proof, they won't find it. Not here at least. ❜

❛ Then maybe you should come with us, because who knows what secrets will come ❜ pouring out of me once the drinks start flowing. ❜

❛ I'm done with it and you. Did I not make that clear last night? ❜

❛ Those friends of yours, they didn't even know you. They just see the mask, but I see it all. ❜

❛ Can't live with her. Can't kill her. ❜

❛ Fuck! I'm talking about my feelings. What the fuck is your problem? ❜

❛ I've always sensed there was something... off about him. Like he's hiding in plain sight. ❜

❛ If you got in the middle of this and you got hurt… ❜

❛ The only way I can help you is if you turn yourself in. ❜

❛ Don't you disappear on me. ❜

❛ I want you to know that you meant a lot to me, more than you know, and... I just want to thank you for that. ❜

❛ If I never see her again, it'll be too soon. ❜

❛ Sleep would be nice, but there's too much to do. ❜

❛ Okay, I may be sleeping with him, but it doesn't mean he tells me shit or listens to me about anything, so stop asking! ❜

❛ That's right, motherfucker! It's over. ❜

❛ I knew there was something with you. But this shit? ❜

❛ What can I say? You were right about me. I never held it against you. I don't now. ❜

❛ It's a graze wound. Minor tissue abrasion. No hemorrhage along the bullet track. Sorry. I think I'm gonna live. ❜

❛ If you're not gonna let me go, then kill me now. Just get it over with. ❜

❛ You're a killer. I catch killers. ❜

❛ So it's okay to take a life as long as you get a paycheck for it? ❜

❛ Either kill me or set me free. ❜

❛ Taking a life is one thing, but the care and feeding of it is another. ❜

❛ I'm generally confused most of the time. ❜

❛ You ever care about anyone? Then you shouldn't have to ask. 'Cause when you care about someone, you do what you have to do. ❜

❛ I remember when life was easy, when the only question I worried about was "who's next?" Now it's: "How can I dodge my protective detail? "What should I do with my hostage?" These are not easy questions. ❜

❛ It's not about what I think. It's all about the evidence. ❜

❛ Hair-pulling may not be manly, but it's very effective. ❜

❛ If he wanted me dead, I'd be dead by now. ❜

❛ You are the only one I can count on, jackass. ❜

❛ It puts a pit in my stomach that I can only interpret as... sadness. ❜

❛ You working on an exit strategy? I'm afraid that's not gonna happen. ❜

❛ How come there's never a circus when you need one? ❜

❛ What was that shit last night? Some kind of fucking scare tactic? ❜

❛ Don't test me. I could have killed you. I didn't. ❜

❛ You're actually angry. I've never seen you angry. This is good. ❜

❛ I should warn you. You can't play on my feelings. I don't have any. ❜

❛ It's a tough job. It can wear on even the best of us. ❜

❛ I yell a lot...and bitch and complain, and I keep expecting people to guess what I want, but I never really say it. ❜

❛ And that was exciting, you know? The not knowing. What might happen, what could be. It was all possibility. ❜

❛ Your life is going to rest in the hands of the criminal justice system you put all your faith in. I wish you the best of luck. ❜

❛ You need help. Let me help you. ❜

❛ You don't have to do this! You don't have to kill this man! ❜

❛ Sorry it had to go down like this. But there really was no other way. ❜

❛ Stay away. Just stay away from me. ❜

❛ Did you happen to be stuffing a human leg into a garbage bag at that point? ❜

❛ There's that anger again. You got to let that out. ❜

❛ You're spinning. Let me help you. It's only a matter of time before you'll hurt someone else. ❜

❛ Take responsibility for who you are. ❜

❛ Why can't you just let me go? ❜

❛ If I got to choose a person... A real person... to be like, out of anyone, it'd be you. ❜

❛ Who joined who in the shower this morning? ❜

❛ For such a neat monster, I'm making an awfully big mess. ❜

❛ Maybe this is how evil works. Destroying everything it touches. ❜

❛ I've been held prisoner in a cabin for two fucking days. Fucking hellhole. ❜

❛ After everything we've been through lately, I just want... to be together with you guys. ❜

❛ You told me to take responsibility for what I am. You were right. ❜

❛ I can't live in this house of cards anymore, waiting for it all to fall down. I need to do something, you know? ❜

❛ If I do this, I need a day to get my affairs in order. ❜

❛ Mention that when they interview you for the story of my life. ❜

❛ Don't leave me in this cage, anything could happen. ❜

❛ I lie to everyone I know... except my victims right before I kill them. It's hard to establish much of a rapport there. ❜

❛ Sorry about the cage. ❜

❛ I've always been curious to try. Do you have any weed? ❜

❛ Love's a battlefield. Or in your case, a restraining order. ❜

❛ When a pretty girl smiles and bats her eyelashes, we're powerless to resist. ❜

❛ I met with a lawyer yesterday. He helped me prepare a living trust that gives you control of all my assets in the event of my death or... certain other situations. ❜

❛ God. Go away. This is creepy. ❜

❛ I'm free tonight, you wanna stop by? We'll have beer, a couple of steaks? I wanna talk to you about something. ❜

❛ I just need you to know that... you and the kids are very important to me. No matter what happens, I want you to always know that. ❜

❛ I know I've been taking things slow with us, but it's not because I don't have feelings for you. It's more like I have too many feelings, and I just wanna make sure to get it right. ❜

❛ I want you gone. Tonight. ❜

❛ I've spent a lifetime keeping up my guard, watching my back, wearing my mask. Relief was never in sight until now. ❜

❛ Lately, I was starting to feel like I had my head pretty far up my ass. ❜

❛ You decide who you are, who you want to be...and you hold onto that and ride it out. ❜

❛ I need some help! Just open the door! I'm being held captive. ❜

❛ Damn, it's good to see another face. I never thought I would. ❜

❛ When something beyond reason happens, it turns skeptics into believers. ❜

❛ If you believe that God makes miracles, you have to wonder if Satan has a few up his sleeve. ❜

❛ I can't exactly feel their pain, but I can appreciate it. ❜

❛ I kinda forgot who I was. I got it straight now. ❜

❛ The term is homicidal maniac. Not that I'm judging. ❜

❛ A public place. You thought I was gonna...That I would slip my needle into your neck? ❜

❛ You're afraid of me now, aren't you? ❜

❛ You're emotionally color-blind. You use the right words, you pantomime the right behavior, but feelings never come to pass. ❜

❛ You know the dictionary definition of emotions: longing, joy, sorrow...You have no idea of what any of those things actually feel like. ❜

❛ I created a monster of my own. ❜

❛ What did you do to make her so pathetically crazy for you? Does your dick dance? ❜

❛ What're we doing home in the middle of the day? She asked, hoping for sex. ❜

❛ Why? Why do I have to make up my mind? ❜

❛ I've never put much weight onto the idea of a higher power. But if I didn't know better, I'd have to believe that some force out there wants me to keep doing what I'm doing. ❜

❛ As it turns out, nobody mourns the wicked. ❜

❛ Am I evil? Am I good? I'm done asking those questions. I don't have the answers. ❜

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