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libraincarnate · 1 year

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astrology notes: 6 🐉

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. above all this is just for fun. lastly, these may or may not apply to you but you might find something to be true about your friends, family, or lover. enjoy!

🗡 sag mercury: “be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.”

🗡 @elysiansparadise had mentioned that people with sun square moon may have parents who have a strained relationship with each other or they may be very incompatible. my friend has this aspect and long before checking her parents’ synastry chart i thought they worked better as friends.

her parents were childhood friends- her mom has an aquarius venus which can be a “friends to lovers” type of placement. they have an 11th house stellium in their synastry chart.

they have been married for a long time- her dad’s venus aspects her mom’s saturn. with that being said, venus represents aphrodite, love, femininity, women, love & mars represents ares, masculinity, men, sex. her dad has venus opposite mars in his natal chart and her mom has mars square venus in her natal chart.

they’re different in the way that moon and the sun are night and day. her dad is more logical & reserved/introverted. her mom is more emotional & social/extroverted. they share the same faith but they also have some important differences regarding their religious beliefs. she’s loud, he’s quiet. etc.

🗡 how many of you with scorpio, mars, or a fire sign in the 8th house have red as your favorite color?

🗡 taurus/libra/venus in the 2nd house: these natives are so naturally beautiful & radiant. they don’t have to try hard at all. they have a personal sense of style. jewelry was made for their bodies.

🗡 libra rising: libra rising is known for having beautiful symmetrical faces. i’ve noticed some people with this placement who don’t have symmetrical faces might wonder why.

#1 you’re human so it’s normal to have an asymmetrical face, most humans do.

#2 you may have have one of your dominant planets in the 1st house. remember that different planets rule different body parts and are associated with different physical features. for example, if you’re moon dominant and it’s in the first house you may have a fuller/rounder & cherub like face. mars dominant 1st house- strong/defined face & forehead, could be androgynous, lusty eyes. saturn dominant 1st house- intimidating smaller eyes, mature face, sharp facial structure/features.

or you may have harsh aspects to your rising sign. for example venus relates to beauty so having venus opposite rising may have an influence on your appearance or how symmetrical your face is.

#3 with that being said having harsh aspects to your rising doesn’t make you unattractive. you're gorg/handsome regardless so who cares.

& if you’re not a libra rising, you can also apply this logic if you don’t have much of your rising sign’s physical traits.

🗡 neptune-venus aspects: wanting to “fix or save him/her” fall in love during the process and live happily ever after.

🗡 leo mars: might not like when people touch their hair, certain people like hairstylists may be excepted.

🗡 the house your venus is in can show what you like or love about yourself, what others like/love about you. some of your attractive traits & qualities. and what you like about others.

venus in the 1st house: you might really love your self and be an advocate for self love. others may love your personality, your perspective of life, and think you have a beautiful body. you could be attracted to confidence, the way a person carries themselves.

venus in the 10th house: you may like your work ethic, how independent & disciplined you are. others may like the way you take initiative, your ambition, your honesty. you could be attracted to those who possess fame and success.

venus in the 3rd house: you may like the way you think/your way of applying logic and processing information. others may love talking to you, how you have a way with words, your accent. you could be attracted to well kept or veiny hands, people with vehicles like luxurious cars or motorcycles.

venus in the 4th: you may love your mom a lot. like being at home & could be into interior design. others may like your family/being around them, the idea of starting a family with you, your warm and nurturing personality. could be attracted to those who are family-oriented and possess emotional intelligence.

🗡 fixed signs in the 9th house: may be religious. their faith is important to them. they take their spiritual life seriously. a firm believer in whichever doctrine they subscribe to. very devoted individuals. might speak about religion and their beliefs often. often going to a place of worship like church, the mosque, a temple, synagogue, etc.

these aren’t fixed signs but cancer in the 9th gives me mother mary vibes lol. virgo here would probably be quite pedantic and technical regarding things like details about sacred text and spiritual practices/rituals.

🗡 having both gemini and scorpio placements in a chart can make one sneaky, stealthy, ninja, fbi son of a gun. scorpios know how to be secretive, source information, remain in the dark and disguising themselves as your shadow as they observe. able to move around quietly. geminis are fast, agile, also able to source information, devious, double agent like, quick thinkers. they both just know things. always a step ahead.

🗡 jupiter in the 5th or positively aspecting your ascendant or inner planets in the 5th house: winning games, contests, bets, money, prizes without much effort. i remember winning bingo like 5 times in one round and people started getting annoyed lol.

if you read this until the end i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎♥︎♥︎, those hearts are for you.

#astrology #astro observations #astrology observations #astro notes #astrology notes #libraincarnate

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theyhavetakenovermylife · 4 months

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That one ask you received unlocked something in me for…. pls I need 2003 or bayverse calling reader babygirl….. (maybe reader a bit of a tomboy / go more for a androgynous look and deadass never had anyone making that sort move w them) resulting into reader being utterly flustered with flirting / teasing / whatever, bring on the big guns (pls for the love of GOD)

Babygirl (Fluff)

2003!Michelangelo x reader

A/N: Tomorrow I will call my gay friend Babygirl instead of “Goth mami big titty girlfriend” and watch the horror on her face.

I’ve decided to make this with 2003 Mikey, because I thought he needed a little more love on my blog🧡

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Warning: Spelling, and the nickname “Babygirl” mentioned too many times for it to be legal.

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Date nights had become commonplace between you and Michelangelo, in the few weeks you had been together. Even before the two of you started dating, you would often spend your evenings together, watching whatever movie you found interesting that evening. Tonight was no different. The two of you were cuddled up on the couch in the lair, watching a movie on one of the many TV screens. Mikey’s arm was lazily wrapped over your shoulder, with you leaning against his side, munching on a pizza slice you had taken from the still warm pizza box on the coffee table.

Mikey looked from the movie to you, watching you as you ate, your legs tucked up under you, your attention locked onto the plot of the movie. A smile spread on Mikey’s face. You were adorable. Not that he would say it out loud. You hated it when he called you that. You had made that very clear to him back when you were just friends, giving him a furious lecture on why you were absolutely not adorable. But Mikey could not help but disagree. In his eyes you were the cutest. The most adorable bring he had ever seen. And that was a lot to say when Klunk was sleeping on the other side of the couch. But as Mikey watched you, he could not stop a mischievous idea that popped into his head. Mikey couldn't resist the opportunity to playfully rile you up. He never really had. It was one of the small joys in life that brought him just a little extra light during the day. Especially when you started lecturing him. He loved it!

Mikey turned to you with a grin, leaning close to your face, before he whispered into your ear; "Hey, Babygirl, pass me another slice of pizza, won't ya?"

Your eyes widened as you stopped chewing, and you shot him a glare, seeing the big mischievous smile on his face. "Mikey, we need to talk about this 'Babygirl' thing. I'm not a fan, you know".

The orange masked turtle just chuckled, clearly unfazed by your response. "Aw, come on, babe, it's just a little nickname. Can't a turtle show his girlfriend some love?"

You rolled your eyes, trying to keep a straight face. Why did he have to be such a charmer? Cursed be him and his ability to make you smile so easily. "Mikey, seriously, I'm your girlfriend and not your baby girl. I'm your equal in this relationship".

But Mikey, being the playful prankster that he was, couldn't resist the temptation to tease you further. Yet, he just rested his head against your shoulder, smiling sweetly at you. “If you say so, my beautiful girlfriend”, he said with an exaggerated sigh, meaning his head further to the side, as if he was taking in your beauty. “But for real though, will you pass me a slice?”

You snorted a laugh before grabbing a slice for your boyfriend. “Anything for you, prince charming”, you teased, tossing him the slice.

But if you thought that was the last you would hear of that god forsaken nickname, you were wrong. Throughout the night, Mikey continued to drop the endearing nickname, each time accompanied by a sly grin. Whether it was asking for more pizza, commenting on the movie, or simply stealing a glance, he managed to slip "Babygirl" into every conversation.

You, on the other hand, found yourself torn between annoyance and amusement. Despite your protests, there was a small part of you that couldn't deny the charm in Mikey's teasing. The more he used the nickname, the more it began to grow on you, even if you didn't want to admit it. You’d continuously tell him to knock it off, and playfully punch him when he didn’t.

As the night progressed and you and Mikey retreated to his bedroom, the teasing reached its peak. Mikey, with a mischievous glint in his eye, wrapped his arms around you, smiling down at you. "Hey, Babygirl, how about a kiss for your favorite turtle?"

You couldn't help but burst into a hearty laughter, holding onto his sides as you leaned back. Mikey's relentless teasing had finally cracked through your resistance. "Fine, Mikey, you win. Just this once!"

And with that, you planted a playful kiss on Mikey's lips, causing him to grin triumphantly, pulling you even closer to him.

“I knew you would like it in the end, Babygirl”, he grinned.

“Michelangelo!”

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barbedwirechain · 8 months

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hi!!! I've been questioning some uncertainty in my identity and you were the first person on t I saw when I looked into the "butch fag" tag, I'm really curious about what it means to be butch and on testosterone, or being butch and navigating the world passing almost as a cis man? for lack of better terminology, sorry if it's not right.

I've been out as trans since I was a kid (almost 22 now.) and I've always went back and forth on my identity bc I don't relate with other trans men or cis men in general but I knew transitioning was what's right for me. detransition doesn't feel correct at all, I'm so happy being on testosterone. im uncertain in my sexuality but have always found comfort with lesbians and butches, and I've always felt the explanation of butch dysphoria sounded more clear to me than wanting to wake up with the body of a cis man. what I mean is I think I'm a butch fag but I don't know what that means, I don't know how or if I'm ready to come out with that. I'm afraid of my future with dating or navigating queer spaces if I claim to be butch or lesbian aligned while still presenting full beard and no desire to change that.

I don't know how to navigate exploring this at all, especially because lesbian spaces online kind of scare me since its so easy to end up following terfs if you don't know what to look for. I don't want to be harassed or make anyone else uncomfortable with my presence. I want to connect with other butches on T. do you know of anything I could do to reach this kind of understanding?

i’ll say if you already see uh butch fag in yourself or find whatever it is in me, in you you’ve already started to reach that understanding. exploring online spaces where you have unprecedented access to people with these more “complicated” identities (more accurately—identities that are generally less referenced than others or not recognized outside of the community for better and for worse) and hanging out in adult oriented city spaces helped extend my understanding of myself as butch.

the longer i understand myself as trans the more i’m comfortable frankensteining my identity (for uh lack of uh better term). i say this to explain why i call myself the most appropriate word for me “dykefag” but butch fag… or faggot butch (on T or not) has uh community precedent. there’s articles and quotes of people saying that term or uh form of it and they’re also transsexual and/or lesbian, although this was something i found only after seeing myself in the phrase.

i understood myself as uh dyke for most of my life and uh lesbian as the most neat version of my sexuality; dyke is something i’ve reclaimed being called that as uh child and call/ed myself that for over ten years now (aside from uh brief period of bisexuality). after being on T though for almost two years i noticed people are less likely to see me as uh dyke so that word begins to feel more personal and intimate for me. but butch?

butch is always exactly right. its not something i reclaimed or have complicated relationship to, i just am.

i am and i mean it with no irony or “meh”-ness; i am butch and i think i’ll die butch.

uh good two years after beginning to call myself butch and right after starting T I leaned into my lifelong attraction to butches, already holding an interest in “‘queer’ masculinities” via research in college. eventually i realized i wanted to be that. i wanted to be masculine ina way that never didnt hold uh layer of unspoken queerness. even in my current “mostly cis-man passing” form (i don’t take it as an insult, i present more masculine than androgynous like i used to for comfort and safety) i’m always butch. most people assume ima cis gay man or uh very hairy bulldyke and at some point i was like… these lines are so easily blurred because of how i decide to embody butchness, on purpose, and (what’s read as) faggotry through my attraction to other butch and queer masc people. i experienced the difference between dyke and fag fade away and began to tag my shit with dyke fag and butch fag to be in the same spaces as other gay trans people who had this line also fade away.

maintaining my attachment to being butch and loving butchness led me to follow “butch4butch” pages and explore butch4butch tags and see myself as a butch4butch gay more and more solidly. and the more i searched for butch4butch, the more i came across trans fags and nonbinary butch lesbians (and both!!). similar to going on tumblr in 2011 and finding out there were people who didn’t believe in the christian god, lex and tumblr specifically led me to uh set of trans people who embodied this faggot butchness, whether dyke (lesbian) or faggot (gay boy) identifying— not to mention all the gay boy dykes and the fagboy trannies. i found/find myself relating to their appreciation of masculinity and consideration of transness and gender noncomformity more than any other space, including ones that are for lesbians which, in my honest opinion, always end up catering to terf-bubbles or narcissist echo chambers that define themselves through gender essentialist ideas about masculinity/men of which i no longer see any viability in.

inside, exploring tags online or apps for Gay people who do Gay shit and have Sexy and Fucked up understandings of gender can help you understand yourself further by identifying and also dis-identifying with others without having to “conflict”. outside?… i rarely explain what i am. and for better or worse, i don’t try to. i let people think i’m whatever they think unless someone directly asks or when cis men try to approach me and to conceal my agab and also deny them i kinda just straight up lie and play cishet man. i recognize we exist under 20 million ___ or ___ binaries, both imaginary and tangible, new and old, outside and inside—shit even nonbinary and binary began to feel like another binary to me recently and the only thing that alleviates that is 1) going through butch(4butch) tags and seeing cis, trans, and who knows butches loving each other in coexisting without pretending they’re at war and 2) being in community with other dykesfags, or fagdykes, and butch faggots irl. and like, lesbians in person are also jus way more awesome. *whispers* like most people. i understand this is, unfortunately, only as easy as your access, space, transportation, and work and personal life allows. most of my adult queer experience is in non-sober spaces ina city that i lived around or in and that can't be disregarded or forgotten.

to wrap this up, i didnt look for em (us haha) til i felt i was one of them but We’re Everywhere. not uh majority but uh presence, and that’s enough. and if i’m being honest even if i never found any of these people, i felt so intensely about being uh butch faggot and uh dykefag i saw myself simply going with it—but going with it with the knowledge that it’s near impossible to make anything up at this point. someone has almost surely shared the idea or identity regardless of if they publicized it or let it be archived. and even as much of this response IS about that, i can’t overemphasize that even if it’s something you did made up, all alone, 200% you, the feeling is true, yea? the beauty of frankensteining your [trans] identity is seeing that you can kinda be whatever the shit you feel as long as it’s truly comfortable and honest to the time with reasonable respect to yourself and your community.

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ethereallocs · 11 months

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We’re Just Friends-Modern Au! Rhaenyra x Dornish Male Reader

Pairing: Rhaenyra Targaryen x Dornish Male Reader (House of Blackmont)

Content/Warning: !!🔞 PLUS ONLY!!, age-gap, sexual tension, lots of jealousy, toxic relationship, strap-on penetration, femme-dom, angst, swearing.

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: You and Rhaenyra have been inseparable since you were kids. She accepted you when you could express who you really were to anyone else and overtime you’ve grown to love her in ways a bestfriend shouldn’t. Should you tell her or is it worth possibly losing a friendship?

Author’s Notes: The content/warning section is something I put on all my stories because it will come up eventually and I like to let everyone know it’s for adults and adults only. Also I’ve somewhat changed the ages of Rhaenyra and her brother Aegon so Jace and everyone else aren’t involved in the story.

Chapter One

You and Rhaenyra first met in secondary school for your first year. You had just moved from Dorne over the summer, being the hot topic of discussion when you arrived Y/N Blackmont. One of the most prestigious families of Westoros in King’s Landing. You were walking down the hall dressed in the normal outfit set out for yourself everyday a preppy button up, a skirt, and some platformed boots.

As everyone knew Dorne was a more accepting culture. Women were sexually liberated and men were allowed to take on the lovers that suited them men or women. But in King’s Landing it was foreign to them and of course ignorance came along with it. The bullying was relentless on your first day only stopping when Rhaenyra Targaryen spoke up for you. She was a few years ahead of you and seemed to be an all around tomboy.

Aegon and his group of dick wads had been the ones making thing difficult for you, following you around nonstop projecting no doubt. “Hey…are you a boy or a girl?” It was a good thing you had thick skin an even sharper tongue. “Why Aegon? Do you think I’m pretty?” He grimaced and cocked a fist back before his older sister grabbed onto his shoulder pulling him aside. “What the fuck are you doing?” She scolded him like a mother.

She was thin and a little taller than an average girl. Her skin pale like snow and eyes the color of lavender. Her silver locks were cut short and her style well let’s just say the both of you were very androgynous. “I’m sorry about my brother he can be a cunt…and you are?” You were a bit shocked that she even bothered to acknowledge you. “Oh yeah it’s okay…I prepared myself for someone to come fucking with me today. I’m Y/N…Y/N Blackmont.”

“Well, Y/N I think you and I are going to great friends…don’t you think?” She wrapped her arm into yours and dragged you away like you were her new prized pet and you two have been inseparable ever since. The years had passed and Rhaenyra had graduated from King’s Landing Prep and went to uni and two years later you soon followed. The two of you had become roommates and every professor and student knew if they saw one of you the other was not too far behind.

It seemed like it took forever for Friday to come, but finally it was here. You had exams to do and Rhaenyra had no classes today so she was at home waiting for you. You decided with how well you did it was time to celebrate so you went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Dorne’s best tequila. Coming through the door your smile quickly turned into a frown seeing who was on your couch. What the fuck was she doing here?

Rhaenyra’s “girlfriend” Lydia Tyrell, now in the beginning you actually wanted to like her, but it was clear that Ms. Tyrell wanted to be the only important person in Rhaenyra’s life. She made it a point to always make the plan you two made fall through. She often threw snarky jabs at you that Rhaenyra was to cunt drunk to pick up on, but you endured for the happiness of your friend.

“Oh..Lydia…you’re here…” You tried to seem happy about her being there, but you failed horribly. “Y/N..” She responded coldly, soon you were interrupted and your smile returned seeing her come out of her room just as excited to see you. Running to you, Rhaenyra wrapped her arms around you picking you up in the air, were you really that light? You blush. “Rhae…put me down please..” you laughed like giddy child before she placed you back on the ground. “So how’d my baby do?” You pulled out the bottle of tequila and squealed. “I passed bitch!!!!” The two of you jumped up and down like highschool girls and Lydia cleared her throat causing the both of you to look her way.

“Umm..congratulations and everything, butttt we have a party to go to tonight. So sorry to cut your celebration so short, love.” A smug smile curled upon her lips. That condescending little cunt. You gritted your teeth into a cheerful grin. “Oh no it’s fine you made plans before this so it’s no biggy.” Rhaenyra pulled you in to whisper something to you. “We can get fucked up when I get back I promise.” She pulled away smiling at you with that smile that gave you butterflies sometimes. Lydia looked like she could’ve puked and you relished how annoyed you made her. “But while you wait Aegon said he was coming by he wanted to talk to you.”

“Talk to me about what?” She shrugged. “I think he likes you honestly.” You scoffed and gagged. “You’re not trying to hook me up with your brother. The same brother that bullied me, because of how I dress and identify? I think the fuck not..” She winced, remembering just how bad he treated you. “Yes you are right. You know he actually came out last year. And he’s been talking about you nonstop for some reason.”

“I’m not the least bit attracted to him so no.” Rhaenyra rolled her eyes and playfully popped the back of your thigh. “Well, you should find someone you like…you’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend since I’ve known you.” She was right you weren’t too good at dating. You were a bit awkward with affection and girls didn’t actually gravitate to you since you were on the feminine side yourself. “Rhae…you know I would like my own person…but people don’t stick around long enough to get past all of this.” You sighed

“But, I’ll be fine my toys are my lovers.” You chuckled and Rhae gave you this look that you couldn’t quite read, but it made you nervous. “Well, I’m going to take a shower and start getting drunk in my room. You two have fun at your party. Love ya.” You said sweetly before disappearing in the back of the apartment. “Love you too.” She yelled in your direction.

You sighed after your shower taking two shots of the harsh but smooth spirit. You blasted your music hearing your best friend and her bitch of a girlfriend going at it in the next room…gross. Soon you heard a knock on the door and you got up to answer. You were in some spandex shorts and a crop top. Your dark locks still wet from the shower were pinned up with a hair clip. Opening the door it was her brother. “Hey, Y/N. Can I come in? I brought party favors.” He held up two bottles of tequila and you smiled somewhat. “Oh yeah come in, let me go get my bottle from my room.” You noticed his wandering eyes and gave him a cheeky smile. “Yeah I know I look good.” you teased.

Once you were back you sat on the couch next to him and turned on the tv, the silence between the two of you was deafening. “So I heard you passed your exam.” This was how he was going to start the conversation? “Oh yeah. I kinda psyched myself out, but I got a perfect score.” He smiled giving you a friendly push, “That’s good. You’re pretty damn smart any way.” You smile, “Thanks.” He cleared his throat again you could sense him getting a tad nervous. “So…Y/N first and foremost I want to apologize for the way I treated you when we were kids. I’m was an idiot, trying to deal with my own shit and I don’t know if Nyra has told you, but I’m gay…” You listened intently knowing where this was probably headed. “When did you figure that out?”

He smiled and looked down to his shoes before his lavender gaze found your sweet pools of honey. “If I’m being honest around the time I saw you..” That was a shocker you basically despised one another or so you thought. “Oh so you were taking your insecurities out on me?” He looked away from you and sighed. “Look, I’ve been thinking about how I was going to say this all day, but I like you a lot..and I was hoping we could start over and I could take you out?”

You smiled a bit and thought about it honestly what could it hurt a date could only either go great or not like they plan but forgiving him wouldn’t hurt you either. “Okay, well I forgive you and sure you can take me out on a date.” He smiled and hugged you kissing your cheek. Your cheeks flushed and you opened your mouth to speak, but you were interrupted by Lydia barging out of Rhaenyra’s room. “I’m fucking sick of this! You always take him everywhere we go. On dates, movies, parties…when can I ever have you to myself.”

Rhaenyra was seething her face red with anger. “I’ve noticed you don’t like him and I want to know why? He’s done nothing, but be nice to you and you insist on being a cold bitch!” Lydia was in shock, you and Aegon were meer bystanders. “I wouldn’t be so bothered by Y/N if you weren’t so clearly in love with him.”Lydia stormed out and Rhaenyra turned to you. Aegon hopped up going into the kitchen to grab some shot glasses. “Time to get fucked up!” He yelled and you laughed nervously, grabbing Rhaenyra’s hand.

“Let me talk to her for a second..we will be back.” He nodded and you pulled her into your room. “What the fuck just happened?” You asked and Rhaenyra bursted into tears. “I mentioned that I wanted you to come with us I know how nervous you were about being alone with my brother and I said it would be a good idea for you to maybe meet someone there…and that’s when she stormed out…I know I’ve been oblivious to how she’s treated you the last two years, but she’s brought you up so much lately. Starting arguments about you specifically asking why do you have to live here as if I’d kick you out for her.”

You pulled her into your chest for a hug and sighed rocking her slowly. “It’s alright she was a bitch anyway I only tolerated her, because I wanted you to be happy.” She held onto your slender waist tightly and sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve broken it off with her as soon as you told me.” You sigh humming. “I just wanted you to be happy Rhae.” She could hear your heart beating..oh how it pounded with her laying on you this way. “Maybe we should go take some shots.” You picked her up and led her to the kitchen.

Later that night you all were drunk off your asses and you and Aegon were getting rather acquainted with each other dancing and laughing together. Rhaenyra watched them closely and sulked the green with jealousy. Then you favorite song came on and she stood up to take you away from her little brother and held you from behind swaying you. You melted into her, her brother long passed out once he hit the couch. She sang to you and you smiled shivers going down your spine as she place a sweet kiss against your shoulder.

“She was right…” you look out of the corner of your eye. “What?” Her voice a soft whisper, “Lydia…she was right..I love you.” You laughed nervously “Of course I love you too, you’re my bestfriend, Rhae.” She shook her head and pulled you away into her room locking the door behind you. She called you by the nick name she had given and seemed to be fighting with herself. “No…I want you, Y/N. You don’t understand how badly I want you.” You were still dizzy from the tequila, but she said it. “But, I thought you only liked girls…what about Lydia…what about Aegon?”

She chuckled, “Fuck her and he can always find someone else. And I do mostly…but I like you too.” Her hands soft cupped you delicately chiseled face and pulled you in for a kiss. The taste of the tequila on her tongue excited you. Her hands quickly finding their way on your body. Your slender yet toned frame was surprisingly soft like that of the women she’s had before.

“Rhaenyra…” You whimpered her name and she cooed inhaling your scent. You smelled sweet like vanilla and she groaned reaching into you shorts grabbing onto your tones buttocks your hands reaching up her tank top to cup her breasts. Catching your lips again she moaned into them and bit at the soft supple flesh of your bottom lip. Your cock twitching within your shorts.

She of course had the upper hand dominating you with just a kiss. She a hand to the front of your short cupping your cock squeezing slightly you gasped causing you to leak into her hand. “You’re pathetic you know that…” She looked at you and smiled leaning in to kiss you again when you both heard a loud crash and Aegon yelling something inaudible… “Fuck..” you both hiss. “Rhaenyra opened the door and walked out first. “What the fuck have you broken now?” She groaned “Aegon, my fucking coffee table?!?!”

You laughed soon following behind her. He tried getting up to piss, in his words and fell in the coffee table. She sighed holding two fingers to the bridge of her nose and you were seeing if he was okay. The two of you carried him to her bed and then went back to clean up the mess in the living room. “Would you like to come sleep with me tonight?” By the time you two were finished you were far to exhausted to continue with what had just so instead she wrapped her arms about you and laid on your chest while you fingers slid up and down her back. She fell asleep, but you stayed awake wondering what was to happen now..

To be continued…

#hotd fanfic #queen rhaenyra #princess rhaenyra #rhaenyra x reader #rhaenyra targaryen #rhaenyra smut #rhaenyra x you #rhaenyra x y/n #house of the dragon series rhaenyra x male reader #read it #fic rec #highly recommend #10/10 reccomend

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intergalacticgoose · 3 months

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Not to start a whole like….discourse or anything, but I discovered truscum/transmedicalists within the queer community lately (I know, late to the party, I’m a late bloomer) and I’ve been, well…distressingly down over it.

When I think about it, I’ve butted up against my gender assigned at birth (GAB?) my entire life. I’ve been seriously questioning my gender for the past, idk, 2-3 years or so? Buying a binder, asking for men’s cuts, following my instincts when I found myself dressing more and more masculine during the pandemic.

I’m fairly happy with my body. I like the bits I have, for the most part. I’d like to be more androgynous, but those are things I can accomplish without surgery. I looked into HRT, and realized it wasn’t for me. (Not gambling with male-pattern baldness OR excess hair, thank you very much) I started exploring genderfluidity or something beneath the nonbinary umbrella once I realized that, had I been born AMAB, I wouldn’t necessarily desire being a woman. I think I’d even be a bit happier. But I’ve spent so long learning to love my femininity, I don’t necessarily want to abandon it.

Enter truscum.

I hate that it bothers me so much. The insistence that I *need* to invest in medical intervention or experience dysphoria of a certain type in order to be “not cis” felt like getting beaten back into the box I was assigned to. Like I was foolish to imagine something grander, wilder, and bigger than what my body had written for me. It made me worry that perhaps I had imagined it all. It made me feel like I wouldn’t be recognized even within my own community, which was supposed to recognize me where cis people simply don’t see beyond my bone structure and voice despite all I do to blur my lines.

And this is the reason that thinking is so, so damaging to the trans and nonbinary community. So much of gender is uncultured, and many cultures have had spaces or language for genders beyond what they considered male or female. It’s western society, really, that’s been slow on the uptake in not allowing for those other genders, and insisting on a rigid binary. If I’m struggling, I can only imagine how others like me, who don’t feel comfortable anywhere, may be feeling.

I don’t really have a point to all this other than to vent my frustrations with transmedicalism. If you’re out there and dealing with the same types of doubts, man, don’t listen to ‘em. The world has carved out spaces for people like you in other times and places, probably, and you gotta have faith in who you know you are.

#queer #lgbtq #nonbinary #enby #genderfluid #genderqueer #gender feels #gender #gender questioning #transmedicalism #gender liberation #rants #queer community

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spicy-bunz · 1 year

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I think the reason ruehob is so satisfying and fulfilling for me personally (and why I haven’t thought of literally anything else in three days) is that like

I’ve always wanted to be very thin and androgynous but pretty, very similar to rue’s glamor (also a reason I’m obsessed with elves, which is another post entirely). And Rue’s true form is big and monstrous and not something that should traditionally be allowed to be feminine. But they’re the most feminine, they act the most delicately and genteelly out of the entire cast, and while all of this is happening, they’re still exclusively referred to their pronouns and never once treated as anything other. Like.

I’m a very feminine person, I tend to dress very femininely more often than not (I do still wear my shorts and t-shirts, but I’m just as comfortable in skirts in dresses), and I kept my very feminine birth name. And very, very often, my pronouns and identity are not respected, and I have even been asked why I don’t present more masculine to make it easier for other people to use my pronouns.

And they find a man who sees them, who respects them, who cherishes them for exactly as they are, and never sees them as anything different.

It’s my ultimate wish fulfillment, everything I want out of life for myself laid out so beautifully

#ruehob #acofaf #I just want to hug Brennan Oscar and aarbria for their hand in these two characters that have just. made me so happy.#I would also like to hug the rest of the cast because tbh this is my ultimate comfort media now and I’m so happy to have all of it #delloso de la rue #captain kp hob

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obscene-beans · 10 months

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Okay it’s been 10 hours and I’m still thinking about Nimona and I can’t stop so I’m gonna talk about it. I said in a previous post that I see myself in her and it’s bewildering because I’ve never seen myself in a character before. This is new to me.

I came out as agender on March 31st 2015, when the prospect of gender identity was still new to me and I was a baby trans trying figure it all out. I was a sophomore in high school, I thought I had to bind, I thought I had to cut my hair, I thought I had to change my name. I did some of those things, and I found what I really enjoyed was looking androgynous and confusing strangers.

It took me some time to understand that I didn’t really have to do these things to be agender, I just had to be myself. As I got older, I grew into myself and gained confidence in who I knew I was, not who other people saw me as.

And I swear in Gloreth’s name, Nimona paints the most accurate picture of who I know I am. Nimona does not conform, REFUSES to conform. She’s not a girl, she’s Nimona. When she’s a shark, a rhino, a dragon, a little boy, Ballister, Ambrosius, she’s still Nimona.

When I was a senior at a new high school, I remember this freshman asking me “wait are you a boy or a girl?” And immediately I replied (with a tiny bit of venom) “Does it matter?” And though it was a very subtle reaction, I saw him recoil in fear at my response. He just mumbled “no…” and I went on with my life. I’m not a girl. I’m not a boy. To tell you the truth I’m not really a people. I’m just a Bean.

You know that episode of Avatar, The Tales of Ba Sing Se? You know the tale of Toph and Katara? You know what Toph says to Katara?

I internalized the hell out of this. I know who I am.

Nimona knows who she is. And still, just like me, she struggles with others’ perceptions of her. I don’t experience gender dysphoria, but on certain occasions I feel a twinge of resentment when I’m called a “she” or a girl. As much as I love and embrace who I know I am, I get scared to be myself in certain environments where I know I won’t be accepted, or be met with ignorance or uncomfortable questions.

But still I prevail with who I am. My therapist asked me when I told her that this particular person instantly falls silent the minute I say anything about me being queer, “how does that make you feel?” And I said, “I feel pretty damn powerful.” I live for spite, to reject conformity.

Nimona rejecting conformity, shapeshifting, being free, being her most authentic self, and still at times struggling with it was like seeing myself in a mirror for the first time. She’s just like me fr

#nimona #agender #gender identity #queer pride #agender pride #trans pride #nimona movie #atla #avatar the last airbender #toph beifong

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mapsareforbraindeads · 1 year

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gonna infodump about the lawmane kids now!!

So, I decided that there are 3 kids living, and one deceased. they all have Misa’s last name, and their names are [in birth order] Saeko Amane, Keiko Amane, and Loe Amane. Mind you, they’re all teenagers.

Saeko and Keiko are twins, born like an hour apart.

Saeko is the eldest Amane child, and he is also the one he resembles his father the most. He has a similar facial structure to his father, as well as his father’s pale complexion and black hair. He has his mother’s blue eyes, and his dress style is more similar to his mother’s rather than his father’s. He was born deaf, but he has hearing aids now. He knows sign language as well. He’s definitely the smartest of the Amane children, and he spends the majority of his time goofing off rather than doing schoolwork. It comes natural to him anyway, so he doesn’t need to study. Another trait he received from his father is that same protective nature, he’s very protective over his family. He also looks up to his father a lot, and he wants to work in forensics when he’s older.

Keiko is the second eldest, again only younger than Saeko by a little less than an hour. She’s trans [MtF] and her family is very accepting. She’s a little less bright, more similar to Misa in terms of intellect, but L and Saeko are very willing to tutor her. She’s very androgynous looking, with chin length blonde hair and blue eyes. She has a more alt-ish dress style, regularly wearing band tees and stuff like that. She’s also freckly and actually really pretty [🤭], but if you tell her she won’t believe you. Her relationship with Loe is much better than her relationship with Saeko. Keiko aims to be a lyricist when she’s older.

Loe is the youngest kid, and the one who resembles Misa the most closely. Pretty, popular, and preppy. She’s alright in terms of smarts and intellect, and she definitely resembles Misa more than L in terms of intellect. She’s a bit mean, and very intimidating, she just can’t communicate very well. She has a better relationship with her mother than her father [and so do her siblings]. She really likes toxicology and is probably secretly raising Foxglove in her room. She has a pretty singing voice, and she’s a nice actress as well, so she would make BANK a model like Misa, but she’s just more interested in studying toxicology. She’s probably one of those high school “mean girls”, well, she’s perceived as one, but she isn’t really one. She has a better relationship with Keiko than Saeko, the reason being that both Keiko and Loe envy Saeko and feel that their parents favor Saeko.

L is also a bit of a crappy father, sorry. He’s just at work all the time and never around to spend time with his wife and kids. But, on the occasion that he does get a break, he makes SURE to make it up to them. His does favor Saeko internally, but he feels horrible about it and he tries not to let it show. He just always wanted a kid that was just like him, and Saeko was like that for him.

Also, for the aforementioned deceased Amane child, there was one kid that ending up dying either when they were a few months old or due to Misa having a miscarriage. I haven’t decided on their name or the circumstances of their death yet, but it’s big angst fuel because “G--d-mnit, L, why couldn’t you have been home when it happened?!”

I just really need to write a fic in the Happily Ever After AU where Misa and L get married and have these kids. It would be quite cute, actually. If you have any ideas for these kids, tell me!!

We gotta ramble abt them together!!

OH MY GOD I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

i’m so glad that you acknowledged that L wouldn’t be a good parent because he 100% would NOT be. he dedicates so much time to his work and barely even gave thought to his successors, so he’d probably prioritize cases and work over everything else. however, he’d still try and make it up to them, you’re right.

i’ve always headcanoned misa as having her whole life planned out since she was a little girl. she had her wedding planned, her kids’ names, her job, her husband, everything. so when it comes to the miscarriage and all of the little imperfections in her family, she kind of struggles with not being able to live a perfect happily ever after like she wanted, but it’s as close as she’s getting.

i immediately took an interest in L and saeko’s dynamic. L having a mini-him running around would give him some sense of pride, although a bit uncanny at first *cough cough* beyond. saeko's super perceptive, so he definitely notices his dad's subtle favoritism and tries to shift his dad's favor to his siblings, which barely works. he'd probably feel some guilt over being, essentially, the only child his dad really gave a second thought in his eyes. you and i both know that would 100% not be L's intention, but it would come off that way to the kids.

i don't have much to say about keiko and loe imma be honest. they seem like they'd be pretty close, like you mentioned. i can imagine misa taking them out shopping and/or going out to places while L watched over saeko.

i’m sorry, i wanted this to be longer lmao. it’s just late (yes, i’m going to bed, gn. don’t come after me)

#vari answers #mutuals #🌿 skinnyhedgehog (lawmane ceo)#lawmane fankids

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northern-passage · 2 years

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hi, i don’t mean this to be rude at all just genuinely wondering how you’re going to approach nsfw content with your nonbinary characters? i’m just curious since you’ve never revealed agab (which i totally respect that) and i’ve done the same with my own nb ROs.

i assume this is about nsfw art? i've done snippets for Clementine before, and i've always kept it vague for them (and same with Noel, since xe was gender-selectable at the time)

this is something i've thought about a lot and have talked to various people about since i've started tnp; i've always been pretty adamant about not discussing agab on the blog, and that's not going to change with this. i have a no nsfw policy almost entirely because of the way the IF community interacts with & talks about trans and nb characters, and while it has improved slightly in the last year, it's still not something i'm going to entertain. to be frank, i find people asking for agab/discussing agab in this context (anonymously on tumblr dot com), even about fictional characters, to be really weird and rude.

i don't really think it adds anything to announce a character's agab in that way, and personally for the stories i write i always want it to be something that comes up in-game between the player and the character, because it gives the character some agency and (this is entirely a personal opinion) as someone who is nb myself it makes me feel that, as an author, i am conveying to readers that this is not information you are Entitled to, not in real life and not even in fiction. you have to get to know this character, and even then, they are not required to share this very private thing with you. obviously i do understand the appeal in announcing if your characters are trans, and i understand it makes it easier for people who are looking for trans inclusive games to find them that way - this is just my personal opinion about it, and why i don't specify that kind of thing in my character descriptions or intro posts.

at this point, though, with the plans i have for the game and the sexual content i want to include, it's obvious that it's not exactly realistic of me to keep it vague. it's going to eventually come up in game, in the intimate scenes i have planned for everyone. i didn't expect that i would ever even be writing those kinds of scenes, which is also part of why i set that boundary about my nb characters to begin with (this game wasnt even 18+ at the start). but i've got more comfortable with that now, and it's something i'm actually looking forward to.

i've debated a lot about this, especially after i released the siren's call demo and posted art of Rome on that blog and immediately had people in my inbox misgendering them and calling them a man - it really frustrated me in particular that just giving the slightest bit of facial hair made people act like that... they aren't perfectly androgynous, and suddenly people felt comfortable disregarding their identity and straight up misgendering them.

however, i don't think the answer to that is to just remove all sex characteristics from my nb characters... that's silly and isn't actually addressing the problem (i'd argue it's making it worse) plus there's already a prevalent misconception when it comes to nb people and How they are expected to look and dress, with most people assuming certain things that directly harm the more vulnerable members of our community. nb people can look any way they want, and they're still nb. it's ridiculous to expect androgyny, and it's ridiculous to expect nb people to be "vague." but i also think it's ridiculous to expect Anyone to disclose personal, private information about themself, no matter how they present... and with Clementine and Noel being fictional characters, they can't really "decide" what they want for themselves.

sorry this has turned into a bit of a tangent, but basically my thoughts on all of this now is... it's Complicated. lmfao. i know a lot of people especially liked how i've handled Clementine up to this point, and i understand if people are disappointed with this potential change. i've also had a lot of people that have really liked my snippets and depictions of Merry - whereas with Clem i was always vague, i've been far more explicit with Merry.

i think, particularly with Merry, she has shared with the player that she is trans & potentially has already had an intimate encounter with the hunter. Lea, too, is very close with the hunter and they are both intimately familiar with each other, whether they like it or not. obviously we know Clem and Noel are trans as well, but the difference is that they have not disclosed certain things with the hunter like Lea and Merry have, if that makes sense. this is also why i preferred to keep things vague with those two specifically - again, i like giving that bit of agency to the characters, and we have a long way to go in-game before Clem or Noel are close enough to the hunter to want to share that information.

for the record i do think it's weird to treat it like some Big Deal that *gasp* Clem and Noel have genitalia! it's not something that needs an announcement. but i hope this at least explains my thinking & why i've done things the way i have up to this point, and why i've changed my mind slightly.

my plan now, with the nsfw art aspect, is that i may post an occasional tasteful nude of some of my characters on patreon. and that's it. it's not going to change how i do anything else, and this doesn't change anything about either Noel or Clem.

#also not to be like problems for future me but i have a lot of work to do before patreon #and before i get to any intimate scenes in game #so... for now this is where i stand about it #ask #anonymous

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fatfemmefreaquency · 8 months

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hey y’all. i’ve been innactive here for an age, it seems

there were a few reasons for my disappearing act, but mostly i was increasingly sick of tumblr cracking down on “nsft” / “community guideline limited” content and how bleak that makes a social media/ microblogging space for sex workers and trans & queer folks, especially trans women/ transfeminine people and trans BIPoC

but… reasonably safe and sustainable spaces to exist in on the internet are rapidly disappearing (and by “disappearing” i mostly mean being actively destroyed by asshole tech bros), so after a couple months of lurking on tumblr more than i have in the past two-ish years, i think i’m going to start posting here again (maybe)

i’m a lot less “extremely-online” than i used to be and spend most of my time away from social media these days—even when i’m on a computer

and i’m not sure if i’ll be here to stay

tumblr is still really cracking down on content that is restricted by community guidelines, and while i “get it,” this still fundamentally seems like a violation of freedom of expression to me—and it’s a policy that is disproportionately applied against trans and queer folks like myself at a time when creeping fascism already aggressively targets us for censorship, stigma, and other violent harm

i’m also not sure that social media/ microblogging in general still has the same place in my life that it used to

i came of age on the internet and on tumblr in particular. i’ve been posting on tumblr on one blog or another since 2010

but the internet (like most other spaces in the world) is increasingly oppressive, hierarchical, tightly controlled and surveilled by both major multi-national corporations and governments, anti-freedom, and in many spaces out-and-out fascist—and being a marginalized person (in my personal case: trans, queer, disabled, and more) in public spaces is a precarious position these days

so… all that to say: hi again! if you’re still following! i hope you’ve been well! (feel free to unfollow if you don’t want to still be following me—i know it’s been a while since i would have last crossed your dash)

i used to be “toadbutch” (once upon a time i was “neko-catsume” and before that even i was “passingprivilege” (cringy! i know! I was like… 17) and before even that i was “marigoldmay” and, way back when i started on here, “etaunknown”) but lately i’ve been on a journey and…

as i transition i’ve realized that i mostly wanted to be butch and embody that particular queer/ lesbian gender role because i wanted to be perceived as masculine/ androgynous and have my masculinity respected as a transmasc dyke

early on in my social transition i felt very insecure in both my masculinity and transness and felt that presenting femme, even though i wanted to embody a queer femininity and not a cishet femininity, would result in people—especially cis, straight, and non-queer people—misgendering me more

but the more comfy i get with my gender and my masculinity as i get further into my transition & grow into my adult self, the more i’ve settled into the realization that i’m very, very much femme—and a bit of a fruity femme at that. hence the URL change. i’m fat. i’m femme. and i’m not going to apologize for being bigender and riding the line between dykiness and faggotry

if you’re not here for that sort of queer complexity: here’s the door. you won’t be missed

tangentially related to my past desire to be butch/ identification with butchness and temporary embodiment of it:

i also love and admire butches and masc people—and particularly butch lesbians and women—very much. on some levels i wanted to be like them, to be like the people i admired so strongly. but it is possible to love people and feel a profound kinship with them and not choose or try to be like them—this is one of life’s profound joys and a lesson that i’m still learning

i have no idea if i’ll still be on tumblr in another day, a month, or a year

i definitely will still be my freaky boydyke, ladyfag self at all of those future moments though. so. count on that, i guess

i am never going to abandon my love for other lesbians and queer people. my support for people with complex identities and self-determination. and i will always love and admire queer masculinity and butch gender expression

i’m prepared to give tumblr another chance… even though i’m not sure i want to give any social media or any public expression of myself a chance in this current socio-political climate. and also in spite of the fact that the corporate entity behind tumblr seems plagued by the same flawed capitalist mindset that is damaging other social networks in this cultural moment

further: i’m just as wary of puritanical respectability-policing lgbtq+ people on here as i am of puritanical respectability-policing anti-queer and anti-trans conservatives

reactionaries exist in the lgbtq+ community every bit as much as they do amongst cishets. and i have no interest in engaging with anyone of either stripe

I’m profoundly disturbed by the level of radical feminist, sex negative, political lesbian, lesbian separatist, and trans-exclusionary, so-called “gender critical” ideology that has wormed its way into lgbtq+ spaces and into lesbian and sapphic communities as of late

too many young lgbtq people are aggressively exclusionary and most of their exclusionary ideas have their ideological roots in radical feminism and in separatist movements. these youth are often heavily puritanical, very detached from in-person queer community, unconnected to older generations of queer people (even to elder millennials or Gen X), and have no genuine understanding of queer history beyond misinformation and spin-doctored posturing posted by other respectability-seeking young people online

i fully support all good-faith queer self-determination. i fully support all consensual sexual activity between adults that is engaged in with healthy boundaries and with proper risk awareness

i support these things because i work to completely reject the respectability politics that are necessary to engage in any power-adjacent or privileged role within the white supremacist imperialist capitalist cis heteropatriarchy. you cannot dismantle any oppressive system while engaging in sex-negativity and policing the self-determination of queer and trans people

if actively posting on tumblr again brings me into contact with too many reactionaries, i might be here today and gone tomorrow

i guess we’ll just have to see

#long post #pinned #guess who’s back #url change #text post

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nineeyedartist · 9 months

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For as long as I can remember, gender has felt ambiguous within this body. As a child I learned — from a book about bones — how the Biblical story of Adam and Eve has led some to believe that males have one fewer rib than females (on account of Eve being made from one of Adam’s ribs). This fascinated me, so I would lie awake at night trying to count my ribs to find out if I was a boy or a girl — surely the skeleton cannot lie, I thought. Invariably I always lost count, left frustrated that I would never know the truth of my gender. Beyond my own questioning, others have inquired about my gender since birth. From an ambiguous birth name to androgynous features, being asked “are you a boy or a girl?” began long before I even knew about gender variance and what it is to be transgender or third gender.

As I’ve told in Spirits We Are, I identify as part of a collective being: the product of trauma and a thread connected to our ancestors. This experience of multiplicity and ancestral connection has everything to do with our shared and individual relationships to gender and the body. As we’ve begun the process of healing within, I’ve simultaneously been on a journey to rediscover the queer history of my ancestors. My twin spirit has been my primary guide on this exploration, as they are the one tied to our ancestors most deeply. They expressed clearly our ancestral connection to persons with male genitalia who would partially or fully castrate themselves, whip their bodies to bleed, dancing ecstatically to tambourines and the clashing of knives. In time, I was able to uncover a name for these people: the Galli.

The Galli were just one of several spiritually connected gender variant peoples in the ancient Mediterranean world. Throughout the region male, female, and intersex bodied people (male-bodied being most written about) would take on the role of the opposite sex or a third gender for cultural and spiritual purposes. Only a few of these variant identities continue to exist in some form today, many having been erased with the expansion of Abrahamic religions. The Feminnielli of Naples, Italy is one such identity which traces their origins back to the Galli and the cult of Cybele.

Discovering that my ancestors have an ancient heritage of gender variance felt like opening a door I had been unable to see, but knew must exist. It was an even greater feeling of comfort to see my experience of gender reflected in people living today in the land of my ancestors — a rare vestige of an ancient cultural gender identity. Although my body’s ancestry and our ancestral connections do come, in part, from Southern Italy — because I am third generation, raised in the United States, I feel it is not my place to claim a cultural identity as Feminniello. Instead I claim an identity of third gender, as this reflects a generic cultural gender identity, something more specific than non-binary or gender variant. The cultural piece — though diasporic — is significant for me and for us as a collective. For us, gender has ceased to be an individual matter — it’s connected to ancestral spirits and to the very fabric of our spiritual beliefs. It is not so much a personal desire to be between as it is a duty to our ancestors. This life does not belong to one person. This life begs to remember for our descendants what our ancestors were forced to forget.

This month is LGBTQ+ Pride Month in the US and in sharing this I wish to express a sort of pride for a gender experience that isn’t often mentioned in the European-American cultures. Our collective roots have been cut so long ago that many have forgotten the tap root we all once shared, now that we are left with thin fibers tangled at the surface. But some of us are compelled to dive deep into the soil, to recover the withered remains of that deep wellspring of culture that recognized (imperfectly) the varied genders of humanity within Europe. Perhaps, if enough of us can twine our roots together, regrowth and renewal can come forth; opening the way for healing within and between cultures. Perhaps, in reviving our queer ancestors we can provide foundations for our queer descendants to grow upon. For this some of us must find our genders in the past — digging in the dark recesses to recover the blood an bone — while others must find them in the present or future. Many strands wound together become stronger than a single thread can ever be.

Can you imagine my excitement, then, to learn about a documentary on self-discovery and the Feminniello called Summer Within? Here is another descendant from Southern Italy, also raised in the United States, who is seeking connection to their queer ancestors and modern people whose gender exists between. Once again I felt a sense of reflection and relation. Though our paths and stories are vastly different, we share a commonality; we walk parallel to each other on the margins.

The digging into the deep recesses has felt like my/our path. As we explore our ancestral connections to spirit and gender, the distinction between “self” and “other” becomes increasingly blurred. To be trans and third gender in this life is not just about a desire to be a singular “me” — it is about being someone my great-great-great-great grandmother could not be. It’s about healing the misogyny of many generations of grandfathers. It’s about reviving ancient ways that my blood and bone hold memories of. It’s a way to honor the mother-fathers of the deep past where words no longer hold meaning. It’s about living for those who came before us and those who will come after us. It’s about the thread that ties us to the spirits of our ancestors and the old gods the once called by name. It’s about honoring this life as a gift, even when that gift is named a curse by the society we live in.

What more can we do — those of us who are queer by label or identity — than exist, live, breathe, love, and sing as we are. So that we may reflect in each other’s eyes and feel a sense of momentary belonging. There are some of us who must be seen in order to speak to the hidden ones, “you are never alone”. With such variety of human experience — of gendered experience — there must be such a kaleidoscope of bodies existing in the glorious light of day and glistening in full moon light. FROM OUR SKETCH BLOG

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pinkest-nekomata · 9 months

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Finally gathering some words around my AFAB femme enbie experience, and a special thanks to the gender dysphoria bible for getting me over the line here.

Probably one of the more surprising developments of my gender journey has been that the more secure I’ve been in identifying as gender vague, gender queer, and nonbinary the more femme I’ve presented.

As I’ve followed what feels good, another key ingredient to gender euphoria to me has been some element of weird.

“I want to get neck tattoos,” I said, “So even when I’m on a zoom call people will know I’m Not Normal.”

I spent the first twenty four years of my life working incredibly hard to not appear weird. I received praise from my parents and adults for being “so mature” (which now I see as a red flag). I developed a constantly self-effacing attitude in social situations, working hard to create an easy conversation for everyone else. I was calm, sharp, self-aware. I would hedge and self-deprecate around my special interests, anticipate and proactively avoid complaints. I hated the arrogance and patronizing tone with which other “smart people” moved through the world.

I leaned into smart casual at work. A-line dresses, a retro bob. I wanted to be seen as fashionable, different, as caring about my clothing—but without spending tons of money or seeming too vain. I now refer to this as “dressing as the type of lesbian I wanted to date” era.

I walked a careful line when it came to femininity. I studied and worked in STEM, meaning the prettier I looked, the less likely I was to be taken seriously.

And as friendly as I was and am, I was also smart, cunning, driven, ambitious—and I wanted to be perceived that way. When I worked as an engineer, I would go out of my way to wear jeans and a polo (which, if I was honest with myself, I hated) to ensure I was taken seriously.

It chafed. I could never quite put my finger on why something felt “off”, even though on paper, dressing more androgynously theoretically should have been affirming to me.

Masculine elements were not foreign to me—I would have dreams where I was a man, and the emotional tenor was always curious neutrality. I had the sense that if I had been born a man, very little about me would be different. My me-ness ran much deeper than that.

When I write, I drift between masculine and feminine perspectives. Writing for me has always been a flow state—an unfolding of parts of myself that are usually suppressed, a safe place to explore emotions and identities and experiences that are unsafe or inaccessible in physical reality. Not everyone who writes the opposite gender inhabits that gender—but I do. I have written whole novels from the perspective of a man—not wondering what it’s like to be a man, but simply existing, expressing, experiencing as a man. (Though, not a particularly heteronormative man, to be fair.)

I never wished to be a man—but I did wish that being perceived as a woman did not bring with it expectations about my preferences and competencies.

It seemed at the time that my experience was well-explained by friction with misogyny, but there were other clues. The wordless not-rightness. An internal flinch whenever I was included in a “thanks ladies” or a “oh a girls meeting”, even at the same time as I felt strangely distant from the more masc-oriented women in my workplace.

I was, on some level, jealous that they were more comfortable in polos and jeans, more awkward in a blouse and skirt.

I felt the most affinity with our office manager, who wore flowing sundresses from Anthropologie and carried herself with feminine strength and warmth.

Meanwhile, I would reach for a dress in the morning and then correct myself—No, you see clients today. Better to be taken seriously.

The shifts happened slowly—and then in lurches. I realized I had ADHD, and then autism. I started to trace all the ways that I’d been compensating, all the signs that I’d never really fit in.

And with great relief, the thought settled over me—“I have never been particularly good at hiding how weird I am.” Now I understand it wasn’t just relief—it was a little jolt of gender euphoria.

I have never thought about gender a cis amount. But my flavor of autism means I think about most things more than most people do, and I had never hated being a girl, and I had never wished to be a man. “Non-binary” had still be framed to me as a matter of androgyny, but terms like “gender vague” and “auti-gender” and “demigirl” started to illuminate my path.

I felt simultaneously a disconnect with my gender and a not-yet-realized sense that my gender was so much broader than I realized—that it included my autism, my weirdness, my enthusiasm, my sarcasm, my interests, my intensity, my me-ness.

The switch to remote work with the pandemic left most of my closet irrelevant. When I was going to bother dressing up, it was for me. I bought goth dresses and thigh highs, mini skirts and crop tops. I reclaimed the adolescence I’d never had. I slowly learned how to do my makeup—something I’d spent hours trying at in high school, then scrubbed off in frustration, more terrified of looking like I’d tried and failed than that I didn’t care to try at all.

And it felt right. And I started getting tattoos—and then I didn’t stop getting tattoos. I donated one batch of work clothes, then another. I figured out I was bisexual and I’d been dressing like someone I wanted to be with, not who I was.

This essay was in part inspired by trying to figure out why I feel such a strong affinity with trans women. “I walked through the valley of gender fuck and emerged in bows and skirts”, I wrote last week, my way of cheering a group of trans women being excited about dresses.

It felt too fraught to say, I get this feeling. I love dresses in this same way. In a trans way. Not in a cis way.

I insisted on wearing a dress to school every day until the second grade, and really the only reason I stopped was undiagnosed sensory issues—when I realized that I could just wear a bike short and a t-shirt and be surrounded in cotton, that became my new obsession.

But I wore dresses in the dirt, dresses chasing bugs, skorts on the soccer field, bows with frogs on them. I knew, from a very young age, that “girl” did not feel quite right—but it did not feel quite wrong, either. And if “girl” didn’t feel right, then that meant I was supposed to be a tom boy and hate dresses and parties and cooking and makeup and dolls—but I didn’t hate any of those things. I just also loved heavy machinery and science and paintball. And, importantly, I wanted to be perceived as someone who loved all of those things at the same time. I wanted the very facts of my presentation to challenge people’s assumptions.

I have thought about, and wrestled with, and chafed at gender in a way that cis women have not. I have felt a rush of gender euphoria in adulthood and have a deep, deep appreciation of how much a skirt, a dress, an eyeshadow palette can mean to someone who is finding themselves in adulthood.

Also, thanks to genetically small breasts and an ED phase, I have also experienced watching my body gain/redistribute weight in a way that is gender-affirming. I can finally buy bras off-the-rack now. (Sort of. 38A is a specialty size, but the right 36B works.)

In retrospect, I can see how I always knew that I was a non-binary person and I was attempting to present in a way that non-binary people are supposed to—androgynous, practical. Dressing femme in a “normal” way felt wrong, too. But femme on my terms—weird femme, autistic femme, queer femme, hyper femme, divine femme—feels right. It feels like it can encompass and express the power, presence, and vitality for which I lacked an outlet for so long.

Alt fashion has given me a way for my gender presentation to say, I am not what society tried to make me. I cannot be told what to be. I don’t play by your rules.

I made a little “wheel of genders” for days I’m feeling indecisive. “Cottage core”, “high witch”, “bubblegum goth” and “athleisure” are a few of the options. And even on sweatpants days, bright pink hair and a rapidly growing collection of tattoos (my own form of bodily transition) are always sure to say, I am not normal.

While I may appear to have gone from subverting stereotypes to embracing (some of) them, my inner journey has been one of attempting to comply with stereotypes and then breaking out of them—as so many other trans people experience.

My goal in sharing this, other than to affirm to myself in so many words, I am nonbinary, is that it might resonate with someone else going through something similar.

I’ve read and read and read through definitions and descriptions of what it’s like to be nonbinary (another distinctly not-cis thing to do), looking for a glimmer of recognition. And slowly I collected those glimmers into a beam of light that’s guiding me now. And I hope my story can be a glimmer for somebody else, too 💕

#actually autistic #autism #nonbinary #enbies #enby pride #enby #trans enby #trans pride #trans #gender euphoria #cw gender dysphoria #gender dysphoria

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chaos-in-one · 11 months

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I wish the experience of being socialized in an a-typical way gender wise was talked about more As in being socialized different from how girls or boys are stereotypically socialized based on gender, because how you’re viewed is different

Anyways I actually was raised with this experience. For one, my mother was a very pro feminist woman who never really pushed me to conform to gender roles for my agab as a child. There where a few family members who still did push that, but, honestly, the ones that did my mother very rarely let me contact, I’d see them once a year at most.

And socially I was always perceived in a very mixed way. Throughout my life, even going back to childhood, I always got mixed assumptions about what my gender was. And so I got very mixed treatment as a result. Including up until now, it’s always a coin toss when I’m around someone new to whether or not I get assumed to be a man or woman. And it doesn’t even matter how I present either, never really has. I’ve been assumed to be a guy wearing a full face of makeup, a skirt and heels and nail polish. I’ve been assumed a guy during times I had really long hair. I’ve been assumed a guy wearing dresses. I’ve also been assumed a girl while wearing very masculine clothes, when I had very short hair, etc. Hell I’ve even gotten mixed assumptions on my gender while wearing a whole ass swimsuit. And swimsuits make it hella hard to hide certain sex specific features.

All this without any surgery, or hormone treatment, or voice training, or any of that shit. It’s been this way pretty much as long as I can remember. I lost track of the amount of times I’ve overheard people arguing about what’s in my pants (which is gross and I hate it, but it’s true). This is just how I’ve lived my life. I won’t claim I didn’t receive *any* socialization that was typical of my agab, just that, in certain aspects, my experience is simply different from what is typical.

I really wished it was talked about more often is all. Because there are people who are naturally androgynous, and how many of us are treated socially is different from people who are raised almost always being assumed to be one gender. I see a lot of talk about the differences between how people assumed to be men are treated vs people assumed to be women, and I think, honestly, acknowledging people who have lived a long time being assumed both ways would be valuable in that discussion, and the discussion of the sexism that the differences show.

#rant #gender #feminism #intersectional feminist #intersectional feminism #I have so many thoughts about gender socializaton and how much wider of a spectrum it is than white-centered feminism makes it out to be #(also perisex & abled centered feminism but for me the white part is more heavily affecting because of how much my heritage based features-#-affected how I'm seen by society as far as gender goes and how what my gender is assumed to be gets me treated)#(and also bc as I've stated before I'm still *suspecting* being intersex not *sure* I'm intersex so I won't say that affects me personally)#socialization

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againstme · 5 months

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going off of my last post, being given a copy of the screenplay of hir by taylor mac just resonated with me. it just right now made me remember being a young middle schooler going to the public library, and picking up YA books, as one does in the 2010’s, but also finding queer books and sneaking them into my stack of books so my mom wouldn’t notice.

these books were I Am J by cris(spelling?) beam, and freakboy by kristin elizabeth clark. both books talked about transness, the first one focusing on the story of a trans man, who was an artist, that also had history of self harm, being rejected by his family for being trans, and running away for a bit to find himself, only to later have his family accept him. if you know anything about me, you can see why i would resonate with that as a young queer kid, lol.

the second one was also focused on transness, with the main plot being split into the perspective of three characters: an out trans woman, a closeted trans/nonbinary?/genderqueer? (potential) trans woman, idk it’s been so long since I’ve read it, and the closeted person’s partner, which i didn’t really care to read about honestly.

a thing that i really liked about freakboy is that some if not a majority of the book is in prose. which i really enjoyed, as a lover of poetry, especially queer poetry, at the time. cue me watching button poetry videos about queer identity, still sneaking and watching it when my mom wasn’t around. and writing my own poetry, lost in composition books i’ll never be able to find again, or on websites that are now shut down.

it just made me think. i’ve know i was trans since i was in the 5th grade, in 2011. (yeah yeah think about how ancient you are or whatever lol) once i had the language for transness, i immediately connected with it. immediately was watching “androgynous makeup” or “boy to girl transformation” or vice versa videos on youtube, in secret, deleting my browser history.

always having the instinct to hide it, to delete it, to not let anybody know. to be in and out of the closet, never fully feeling free to be myself. out to some people, closeted to most for my safety was how i spent most of my adolescence until i was kicked out at 18 for being trans, that being seen as me being “defiant” and a “problem child”, “disrespectful” to my mother, straining our already very strained relationship, filled with fighting and arguments, being punished for wearing my brother’s clothes, wanting to cut my hair, trying to bind my chest while wearing 3 sports bras at a time. but always feeling the urge to hide it. for my safety, and because i knew that people were ashamed. that it was a shameful thing in general, and especially to my mom. what would her peers think about her having a trans child, she would say. what about my reputation, she would say. do you know how this could affect me?

but i could never change it. i could never just Stop being trans. it was engrained into me for as long as i could remember. no matter how many dresses or braids or makeup that i was put into by my family, and expected to smile and look like a beautiful girl, being expected to grow into a beautiful woman, marrying a man as a woman, having kids.. i never resonated. i would think at night about it and always come to the conclusion that i would never be happy like that. and still, i had to hide it. i knew for so long, deep down, that that wasn’t the life that i wanted, that i was going to live. because, i knew, that either i would transition or i would die.

the point of this long winded post that people probably aren’t going to read anyways is that even the smallest bits of representation stick with you. a book i only feel comfortable reading at the library while my mom isn’t there, too afraid to check it out. meeting a trans guy for the first time when i was in the 8th grade, and everything clicking. watching the true trans documentary by laura jane grace and seeing trans people alive, despite everything they went through. seeing trans joy. trans love. trans acceptance. it gave me, closeted me, wearing dresses and braids and beads and my hair in puffs as a little girl me, some sense of hope. that i wasn’t going to die. that i had a choice, no matter how long it would take me to get there. pushing through all of it. all of the fights, all of the abuse, all of the trauma, lack of support, trying to come out to friend’s parents that i thought i could trust and then them outing me to my mom, being outed by teachers, going to the gsa and being pulled out of school as a whole as a result, taking off my makeup and stuffing my pride flags into my backpack after coming back on the train from tokyo pride, having my mom tell me to leave because she wouldn’t go against what God says, being alone for my first thanksgiving without my family, not having a mother for a while, all of it. it was hell. it wasn’t easy at all, and i never expected it to be. i never expected that i would’ve lived to tell the story. i thought i was going to die at 16. hell, i tried. many times. to be yet another trans teen suicide, misgendered and deadnamed by my family at my funeral, the wrong name being put on my gravestone. i was ready to accept my fate.

but i made it. every little bit of representation i could find, through books, poetry, tv shows, documentaries, all consumed in secret, made me stronger. gave me hope. gave me the resilience to keep going because i wanted to, needed to, reach my goal. reach the ability to be happy, at home in myself in a body that felt so distant from myself for as long as i could remember. i made it.

#trans #transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #c.txt #this is a very long read i know. if you read it i appreciate you #if not that’s also okay #hir by taylor mac #freakboy by kristin elizabeth clarke #i am j by cris beam

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unlicensed-un-proffesional · 1 year

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Now, I have a very funny story to tell.

A long time ago, when I was around 9 years old, I had a very specific dream. It was in first person, I was somewhat there, a character addressed me, but I always felt more omnipresent, and I looked at everything through a cinematic lens, not like I was there, but like I was watching a movie. I looked and there was a cute androgynous cat-like person in a raincoat thing with a scarf and a hat, and they were on a bridge with a fox, and looking at a city, coated in a red tinge. The water nearly perfectly reflected the city. The cat person turned and talked to me. I forgot what they said, as you do with a dream after many years. There was also a moment where we went to a little bar inside one of the big city buildings, and ate pancakes while looking at the atmospheric world bathed in a faint red light.

I wasn’t there, but I felt like I was. I knew I was just watching, so I was somewhat startled when the cat-person began talking to me, because I wasn’t there, I was like a ghost. They spoke like they knew me, and wanted to know how things were going for me, checking in on someone who you haven’t met in a while. While I’ve slowly began to forget the dream, it stuck with me throughout the years. Not a day passed where it didn’t cross my mind. It was so vivid, yet so fantastical, like it wasn’t real, but I still experienced it like it was. Eventually, it just became a memory of a dream, but I held on to it. I remember the cat-person, and that one fox who they sat with.

So, imagine my surprise when, years later, while playing the Undertale fangame Don’t Forget, and looking at the roster of skins, a character named Niko popped up. I was with my brothers at the time, and so they didn’t understand my shock and were trying to calm me down, but I was overwhelmed. Like a moth to a flame, I looked up the game Niko was from, and instantly purchased OneShot. Played the game through, Solstice and all. I loved it, and cried twice. What a beautiful game. But, I still don’t know what that was about, why I had that dream, why it turned out to be wholly real, and why I remembered it the most among all my other dreams, many many dreams, and it was just the one.

I got my transition name from the alias I used in OneShot though, and have since had multiple dreams where I was with Niko, shopping, taking a walk, I’d just pop into space with them and do something mundane. It’s bizarre, and unlike my initial dream, I am physically present in the dream, also unlike the actual game.

Anyway, that was my unique OneShot journey. The game itself is a wonderfully crafted experience, and it catered exactly to me, so I loved it and still absolutely love it. But beyond the game, I have so much of a connection with it, and I will never know why. Is it a sign of fate or something? It’s already given me my new name which I based on the default name setting on my computer I played OneShot on. So I’ll never know, but it’s a fun story, and I’m glad to have been able to experience such a unique journey, and it’s given me a more developed sense of my own fate and life. So, thanks OneShot, for giving me many kinds of mystical experiences, both literal and figurative. And thanks Niko, for checking on me before I even met you. I can’t believe we met again, before we ever even met. Dreams are weird man, dreams are weird.

#oneshot #niko oneshot #oneshot niko #wildest dreams #dreams i had

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