#my out of comfort zone is reading modern books so i try to do that instead !

[girafeduvexin]

Not to be a prof de français but you should read "classics", its fun, especially if it's out of your comfort zone.

#livre #anyway #my out of comfort zone is reading modern books so i try to do that instead !

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 8

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, lesbian flirtationship?, mentions of kissing, mentions of a weapon (it's just ellie's switchblade), descriptions of injuries and bruising, abby is hot and cocky (duh), minors do not interact

word count: 4k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

You’d spent the last few days texting back and forth with Abby. She hadn’t changed much since your freshman year, still confident and charismatic and charming as always. 

It was nice, taking a step outside of your comfort zone. It had been a while since you’d regularly socialized with someone other than your usual group of friends. The older you got, it seemed harder to feel comfortable getting close to new people. 

But Abby made it easy, keeping things casual and light. She’d ask about your day, talk about hers, and inquire what you were up to. She’d flirt every now and again, and you’d cautiously flirt right back, but she never pushed much further than that. 

You hadn’t told anyone yet about reconnecting with Abby. The girls from the Wilson Crew would no doubt be incredibly supportive, having partly seen you going through some of the disastrous aftermath with Ellie. But as loving and encouraging as they were, having six girls simultaneously asking you questions and being loud & abrasive about your love/sex life was too overwhelming a thought. 

You considered disclosing your secret to Dina. But though you loved her deeply and she was the closest thing you’ve ever had to a sister, Dina was just a tad bit judgy. She wouldn’t say anything, but after a few years of knowing her and her mannerisms, you’d recognized her pursed lips and her one raised eyebrow as her judgy face. And right now, the last thing you needed was to be evaluated when you’re trying to break from behind the walls you’ve built the past couple of years. 

After musing over it for a while, you kick yourself for not realizing right away who it was that you could confide in.

Jesse. 

Jesse was an easygoing person, effortless to chat with and always cracking jokes. But when it came down to it, he cared about you and knew how to listen, judgment-free. You used to have long talks with him back in freshman year, separate from Dina and Ellie, while you watched old movies or played video games together. After Rafael died, he made sure constantly that you stayed stable and took care of yourself. He’s never failed to be a great friend to you.  

Thursday morning, you make the decision to text Jesse as you get ready to leave for your first morning class. 

You let out an audible “uhhh” as you remember that Jesse shared an apartment with Ellie. Jesse seems to suddenly remember as well a few seconds later. 

You chuckle as you read Jesse’s last text before putting your phone in your pocket and walking out the front door of your apartment. 

“So, you free tomorrow night?” Abby asks. 

“Mm, that depends.” 

“On?” 

“On why you’re asking.” You reply cheekily. 

Abby chuckles. 

You were making your way to your Race and Sexuality in Popular Culture class and Abby, who supposedly had some time to kill, was walking you over. 

“Oh, just curious.” Abby says. 

“Uh-huh, just curious.” You reply, rolling your eyes playfully. 

You stroll down the brick path holding a large textbook to your chest that you couldn’t stuff into your backpack with the rest of your things. Abby’d offered to carry it for you, but you insisted that you were a “strong and independent woman who didn’t need anyone to carry their books for them,” to which Abby laughed. 

“Oh, I’m just fucking around,” Abby continues. “Wanted to see if you wanted to maybe come to this bar with me and my friends. It’s pretty close by.” 

“Wow, getting drunk? On a weekday, Miss Anderson?” You joke. 

“Friday night counts as a weekend, you weirdo.” Abby chuckles. 

“Which bar is it?” 

“The Bow and Arrow on Waverly Street.” 

You purse your lips at this. 

The Bow and Arrow was a lesbian bar that was near the university’s campus. It was a pretty small place with a nice set-up: friendly and welcoming bartenders, TVs that played a variety of movies or that were connected to old consoles for patrons to play retro games on, and a spacious dance floor on the rooftop. 

Last year when you were still freshly heartbroken, you’d gone to the Bow and Arrow with a few friends from the Wilson Crew. Somehow, you ended up making out with a random girl in a dark corner who’d been eyeing you all evening. But after they’d asked if you wanted to go home with them, you chickened out and muttered a quick apology before rejoining your friends. 

Before then, you’d gone a few times during your freshman year. But after one fateful December night that involved a random stranger, the dance floor, and Ellie, you didn’t frequent it much afterwards. 

Abby doesn’t notice your hesitation, which allows you a second to come up with a calculated response. 

“Do you mind if I think about it? Tomorrow’s kind of a long day for me. Might be too exhausted after all my classes.” You say. 

“Sure, that’s totally fine.” Abby replies. “No pressure at all. If you wanna have a chill night, you could also come over and we can watch a movie or something instead.” 

You smile at her thoughtfulness. 

“You’re sweet,” You say. “But it’s okay, don’t change your plans ‘cause of me. You should go anyway and have fun with your friends.” 

“Still trying to avoid hanging out alone with me, huh?” Abby jokes. 

You roll your eyes and smile. 

“Yes, that’s exactly why I’m letting you walk me to class today.” You reply sarcastically. “Definitely trying to avoid being around you right now, Anderson.” 

“Oh, you’re ‘letting me’ walk you to class, are you?” 

“Yup,” You say. “Now leave me, I no longer require your services, Miss Anderson.” You joke, gesturing for her to leave the opposite direction. 

“Bossy.” Abby chuckles but continues to walk alongside you. 

It’s a slightly chillier day today as October begins to slowly approach November. You’d opted for an oversized sweater that used to belong to your cousin Rafael (it had his alma mater stitched onto the front and your uncle had gifted it to you sometime after his passing), a beanie, and a pair of thick leggings. When you’d met up with Abby, you pretended not to notice her eyeing your ass in your leggings for half a second when she first spotted you. 

“Alright,” Abby continues. “How about tonight? You busy?” 

“Can’t tonight, sorry.” You say. “Meeting up with a friend.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah, just having dinner with my friend Jesse.” 

“Oh, Jesse Chang, right?” 

You blink at Abby’s recognition. 

“Yeah, you know him?” 

“Just seen him around and all.” Abby explains. “He’s at the gym sometimes when I’m there. He lives with that friend of yours, Ellie, right? They’re both there together a lot.” 

Your face drops at the mention of Ellie, but Abby has her eyes straight ahead and doesn’t catch it. 

“Oh, and I see him sometimes playing guitar on the quad.” Abby continues. “He’s pretty good.” 

You quickly compose yourself. 

“Y-yeah. He’s known to play since he was a kid. A, uh, a family friend taught him growing up.” You say. 

You feel a pang in your heart. Joel taught Jesse how to play the guitar when he was younger. Jesse and Ellie. 

That summer that you’d spent in Jackson, Ellie’d told Joel during a Miller/Williams dinner night about how you were musically inclined. You’d felt embarrassed but you remember thinking that it was sweet how excited he got. Joel then proceeded to gush all about how he taught Ellie and Jesse how to play the guitar when they were just teenagers.  

Jesse’d already known how to play piano from lessons he’d been taking and was curious to branch out (Ellie made a comment that he just wanted to learn because playing guitar looked so much cooler to girls). According to Joel, he had been a good, attentive student. When Ellie found out Joel was teaching Jesse, she competitively insisted on being taught too. 

You remember chuckling when Joel’d told you how much of an impatient and temperamental student Ellie turned out to be. She’d easily get frustrated when she forgot a chord and curse herself out when her fingers would slip to play discordantly. But along with her hotheadedness came passion, and Ellie ended up teaching herself quickly into mastering the instrument anyway. 

Something inside ached when the memories of Jesse and Ellie casually strumming on their guitars flooded back. You’d watched in admiration as they fucked around and even occasionally wrote songs together. Sometimes you’d sing along to whatever they’d be playing, and they would joke about how they should start a band (to which you’d tease that Ellie didn’t play nice with others to handle being in an organized group). 

“That’s nice.” Abby says, interrupting your trance. “You’re pretty close to him?” 

“Oh yeah,” You reply. “I’d say he’s one of my closest friends here.” 

You quickly feel guilty saying that out loud, knowing that you’d pulled away from both him and Dina the past year. 

“That’s pretty sweet,” Abby smiles. “He seems like a really chill guy.” 

“He’s the best.” You say, smiling back. 

“Well, I won’t get in the way of some bestie bonding then,” Abby says. “But at least consider coming out with us tomorrow night?” 

You’re approaching the building of your next class now with just a couple of minutes to spare. You grip your textbook to your chest tightly, almost like it's a source of stress relief. Going out and actually being in public with Abby was a nerve-wracking concept. But you don’t want to disappoint her either. 

“I will,” You say. “I promise.” 

“Good.” Abby smiles. 

“Now, go and get out of here,” You tell her. “You’re gonna be late for your next class.” 

“Why are you always so eager to get rid of me?” Abby teases. 

You roll your eyes, amused. 

“You’re just so sickenly nice to me that I can’t stand to be around you.” 

“Get used to it then.” Abby replies. 

“Mm,” You muse. “We’ll see.” 

Abby chuckles. 

“Alright, well, I’ll text you.” She says, waving as she walks off. “See you, pretty girl.” 

You feel blood rushing to your cheeks at this flirty comment as you wave her off. Your grip on your textbook loosens before you turn and proceed into the building. 

“Another strawberry milkshake? Really?” You ask as the server walks away. 

“What?! I’m having a craving!” 

You chuckle before taking a sip of your water. 

Ever the responsible and reliable friend, Jesse was ten minutes early to the diner for your meet-up. He’d pulled you into one of his classic bear hugs when you came in, and your heart jolted and your eyes teared up. You’ve really missed being around him. 

“So, how’ve you been, kid?” He asks, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms. 

“Mm, short or long answer?” 

“Long,” He smiles. “I wanna know everything.” 

You return his smile uncertainly. 

“Don’t really know how to start, Jess.” 

“How ‘bout telling me how classes have been going for you?” 

You go on for a while about how you’d been handling your schoolwork, Jesse occasionally chiming in about his own classes. He laughed at your anecdotes and asked all the right questions at all the right times. Your orders were placed in front of you as you were complaining about your Women in Classical Antiquity professor who you swore has a vendetta against you. 

“Then she looks at me like I’m crazy!” You complain before stuffing your face with a slice of chocolate chip pancake. 

“Yeah, a buddy of mine had her last year, and apparently half the shit she was teaching made no sense.” Jesse replies, licking whipped cream off the top of his milkshake. 

“It doesn’t!” You exclaim. “Like, I’m sorry that I corrected you in front of the rest of your students, but like? Do your job right the first time then, bitch!” 

Jesse guffaws as you pour more maple syrup over your pancakes. 

“Dude, she’s gonna fail you for sure if you keep it up.” 

“Fail me for knowing more about Greek mythology than she does,” You grumble. “Get me up on that podium, and we’ll all learn something for a change.” 

You continue your tirade for a couple of minutes until the conversation shifts from your classes to your friends. 

“It’s so cute that they’ve been together since freshman year,” You say, discussing your friends Tara and Astrid who were celebrating their two-year anniversary in a couple of months. “Although I guess to you and D, two years is nothing.” 

“Hey, still an impressive feat. And I definitely agree that they’re real cute together.” Jesse replies. 

“Nice to know love is real after all.” You joke. 

Jesse smiles at this but then suddenly looks thoughtful before speaking.

“How about you, dude?” 

“What about me?” You ask, finishing off the last of your pancakes and attacking your side of grits. 

“How’s your love life been going?” 

You pause. This is exactly why you’d invited Jesse out, to confide in him. And yet somehow, you feel your mouth go dry and your heartbeat rapidly increase. 

Jesse notices your hesitation and puts his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his hands. 

“We don’t have to talk about it, bud. But I’m here if you need someone. Judgment-free zone.” 

You give him a soft smile. Jesse was so perceptive sometimes. 

“Well, umm,” You start. “I’m sort of… seeing someone? Or trying to see someone, I guess. Not sure what to call it yet.” 

“Oh, yeah? What does ‘trying’ to see someone mean exactly?” 

“It means…” You sigh. “…it means I don’t really know what I’m doing or what’s going on or if I want to go further.” 

Jesse chuckles. 

“Well, what do you want?” He asks. 

“I’m not really sure,” You reply honestly. “I guess, I’m a little tired of feeling lonely, and she’s so nice to me. She makes me feel good about myself. I don’t know. I just haven’t actually dated anyone in such a long time.” 

“That’s okay. It’s been a rough couple of years for you. I don’t blame you at all.” Jesse says. 

You look at him sadly before popping a spoonful of grits into your mouth. 

“Well, I don’t think you should completely force yourself into something you’re unsure about,” Jesse says after taking a sip from his milkshake. “But I also think that you deserve to be happy. And unfortunately, that means putting yourself out there.” 

You scowl at his sage advice. 

“Do I have to?” 

“Sorry, kid.” Jesse chuckles and you grimace. 

“I just want to see you be yourself again,” Jesse continues. “Whether that’s because you start going out with someone new or because you just leave your apartment more often, it doesn’t matter. Do you think this girl could be good for you?” 

You contemplate his question seriously for a few moments. 

“Maybe?” You reply, unsure. “She could be. I don’t know.” 

“Well, you don’t have to know now,” Jesse says. “Just do what makes you happy, okay? That’s really all I want.” 

You feel something warm growing instantaneously in your chest. Gratitude is too small of a word for what you felt towards Jesse, and you make a note to yourself to start hanging out with him more. 

“Thanks, Jess. You really are the best.” You say. 

“Hey, that almost rhymed.” He jokes. 

“Oh my god,” You laugh, rolling your eyes. “You’re so annoying.” 

“You’re a poet and you don’t even know it!” He cackles. 

You take one of your used, syrup-y paper napkins, ball it up, and toss it at his face. He catches it easily, chortling to himself. 

“God, you’re a fucking dork!” You say. 

“Don’t be a hater!” He says, holding his hands up defensively. 

You giggle. 

“I missed you, Jess.” You say. 

“Missed you too, kid,” Jesse replies, eyes softening. “You’ve got to come over sometime. I haven’t beaten your ass at Smash in forever!” 

You give him a hesitant smile, which he notices. 

“Just come over when she’s not there.” He says, accurately assuming the reason behind your reluctance. 

“Dude, I don’t know…” 

“We’ll do it sometime when she’s not home. It’ll be fine, I promise.” Jesse reassures. “Plus, we haven’t had a jam sesh in forever. I miss my jamming partner.” 

You smile, remembering the times when Jesse would convince you to teach him something new on his guitar or have you sing along to a song he’d been learning. He almost roped you into performing at an open mic with him back in freshman year, but you ended up chickening out. 

“Don’t you have Ellie for that?” You ask timidly. You find that her name hurts to say out loud. 

“She judges me too much for my exquisite and refined music taste,” Jesse complains. “She nearly threw her knife at me for trying to get her to duet a Taylor Swift song with me.” 

You laugh, despite yourself. 

“Yeah, well, that’s what you get.” You tease. 

“Hey! This is a judgment-free zone. No judging my Swiftie habits.” 

You roll your eyes playfully. 

“Hey, by the way,” Jesse suddenly says. “Who’s the lucky lady?” 

“What?” 

“The girl that you’re ‘trying’ to see or whatever.” 

“Oh. Right.” You say, biting the inside of your cheek. “It’s umm… Abby Anderson.” 

You look up to see Jesse with an expression on his face that you don’t fully recognize. His eyebrows are furrowed and it looks as if he was trying to connect the dots about something you weren’t privy to. After several moments, you see what seems like a sudden realization reach his eyes. 

“Oh shit, umm.” He starts. “Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” 

“What is it, Jesse?” You ask skeptically. 

“No, nothing. Just processing.” He replies unconvincingly. 

“Jesse,” You press. “What is it?” 

“Seriously, it’s nothing.” 

“Dude, come on. Don’t bullshit me.” You assert. Jesse sighs. 

“That just…That just explains a couple of things, that’s all.” 

“What things?” 

“I—” Jesse starts but his eyes suddenly wander away from you and towards the front door of the diner. “Oh, fuck.” 

You follow the direction of his gaze. You feel your throat close up and your stomach lurch as you recognize the figures of Dina and Ellie entering the restaurant. The instinct you’d developed the past year to suddenly look elsewhere whenever Ellie entered the room vanished completely when your eyes fell on her face. 

Ellie was sporting a black eye with a dark gash right underneath. The bruising didn’t look fresh, but you can easily tell it happened recently. Your eyes trail down and see that her right hand is also bandaged. 

“Shit.” You hear Jesse mumble, breaking you out of your wildly unravelling thoughts. You turn to face him. 

“I’m so sorry, man. I had no idea that they were gonna pass by—” Jesse immediately starts to apologize. 

“I-it’s okay, Jess.” You stutter. “I just—” 

You fall silent as you glance back towards the pair, your eyes inadvertently meeting Ellie’s ocean green ones. Your faces make the same panicked expression before you both break eye contact to hiss at your respective friends. 

“You didn’t tell Dina where we were meeting?” You whisper fervently. 

“I told her that we were gonna hang out, but I completely forgot to mention where.” He says apologetically. 

“Jesse…” You whine. 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, bud. Do you, uh, want me to go over there and—” His sentence is cut short as Dina approaches your table. 

“Hi, babe.” She says, directed at Jesse. “So, what the fuck?” 

“Why are you here?” You and Jesse demand simultaneously. 

“We ordered takeout and we came to pick it up so we didn’t have to pay delivery fees.” Dina explains. “Jess, why didn’t you tell me—” 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think you were coming out with El!” He says defensively. 

“Fucking hell,” Dina says before turning to you. “I’m sorry, honey. Are you okay?” 

“I, umm,” You start, your eyes unwittingly wandering back to Ellie. She was standing awkwardly by the host’s podium, bouncing back and forth between her feet and twiddling her fingers. She seems determined to look at nothing else but at her Chuck Taylor sneakers. You shift your gaze back to Dina. 

“Y-yeah. I’m okay.” You say weakly. 

She smiles sympathetically, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder. 

“Is…” You begin timidly. “Is that a black eye? O-on Ellie?” 

Dina and Jesse share a worried look. 

“Did you tell her anything?” She asks him. 

“No, not yet.” He replies. 

Dina sighs. 

“Tell me what?” You ask, eyebrows furrowing. 

Dina’s hand squeezes your shoulder lightly. 

“It’s—” She begins. “It’s kind of… private.” 

“Oh” is all you say in response. You feel a little rebuffed and excluded, but you decide not to press further. You knew it wasn’t your business. And after all, you were no longer a foursome. 

“We’re just gonna grab our food and go, okay?” Dina assures. “I’ll text you later, hun.” She says to you. 

“O-okay…” You reply meekly and watch as Dina makes her way back to Ellie. 

Neither you nor Jesse says anything. From your peripheral vision, you see Dina and Ellie seemingly argue about something for a few moments before the hostess arrives with a plastic bag of food, which Ellie grabs with her good hand. They leave without another glance back at you. 

“Jess, I’m…” You say after a second or two of silence. “I’m gonna go use the bathroom real quick, okay?” 

Jesse responds with a simple “okay.” His eyes meet yours with an acknowledgement that you merely need a second to yourself. You nod, silently thanking him for his understanding before making your way to the diner’s bathrooms. 

As you shut the door behind you, you lean against it and weep silently. 

Why? Why am I here again? 

You realize that it hasn’t even been a week since you were in this same, empty diner bathroom, breaking down and crying tears of frustration. 

Am I not allowed to catch a fucking break? 

You spend a couple of minutes breathing deeply the way your old therapist taught you before you can wrench yourself off from the door and look at yourself in the mirror. 

Please, just… please. 

Your right hand unwittingly comes up to touch your face, right where Ellie’s injury had been on hers. 

What the hell did she get herself into? 

Ellie wasn’t inherently a violent person, but she didn’t shy away from it either. She was reckless and impulsive, something about her that you used to love but also dread. A memory starts forming in your head, of you and Ellie and that December night at the Bow and Arrow. 

Your reminiscence is suddenly interrupted by your phone buzzing in your pocket. You take it out to see you got a text. 

Abby? 

You unlock your phone, giggling when you read her message. 

She really is so nice to me. 

Your heart starts to feel warm before it stops completely upon reading her follow-up texts. 

O-oh. Oh, okay. 

You gulp and feel a chill going down your spine. You almost feel the need to look around and make sure nobody is watching you, only to remember you were alone in the bathroom. Your phone buzzes with another message. 

You chuckle nervously at Abby’s last message. 

She’s bold, I’ll give her that. 

You chew on your lip for a few moments while one hand grips your phone tightly and the other taps nervously on the bathroom counter. You take a deep breath. 

Fuck it. 

Remembering Jesse’s advice, you make the decision to put yourself out there again. 

Hastily putting your phone back in your pocket before Abby can text back, you feel every nerve in your body tremble. Your heart hammers rapidly in your chest, but you stare at your reflection resolutely. 

Abby likes you, okay? I think. And I think I can like her too. This is a chance to be part of something healthy for once. 

You stand in front of the mirror, conducting your breathing exercises and attempting to convince yourself. 

Back at your table while waiting for your return, Jesse is hastily questioning Dina through text if Abby Anderson was the reason that Frat Guy Adam was nearly beaten to a bloody pulp by the hands of Ellie.

author’s notes:

omg a million years later and i finally update? gasp. now everyone clap for belle (pls clap)

tbh i was too lazy to do all the phone texting parts with the format i did in the past chapters cause i hate having to mess around with the html format for the customized grey text, so my lazy ass just did screenshots of the texts instead, sorry slfkjsddsf

if you recognize the lesbian bar that i loosely based the bow and arrow on, no you didn’t

i’ve been replaying tlou2 lately and i know many of y’all headcanon jesse as a himbo which i honestly love, i’m obsessed with himbo!jesse, but i personally didn’t wanna ignore the fact that jesse’s actually a very intelligent and level-headed guy who’s extremely organized and who’s a natural leader and etc. let’s acknowledge this jesse more!

also jesse’s last name is merely inspired by the last name of the actor who plays him (stephen chang)

also jesse is a musician because i say so. i’m also hcing him as having taken piano lessons as a kid cause which of us asian kids weren’t forced to take piano lessons or whatever when we were kids, let’s be real (i took them briefly but they were boring and i’d already known and i also mostly taught myself anyway)

the part about reader's professor not knowing how to teach her own class is just me being still bitter over a mythology professor who kept trying to fail me cause i knew more about greek mythology than she did (she couldn't cause i was literally correct all the time). the bitch even tried to accuse me of plagiarism! i'm still mad.

i added in the part about ellie not inherently being a violent person as a passive-aggressive reference to craig mazin, the creator of the hbo show, who says that ellie has a violent heart when she does NOT, he does not understand our girl at all

the image i used as abby's selfie is of the body model that they based abby's character on, colleen fotsch!

wow i added waaaay too much in the author’s notes lol sorry belle has adhd everyone

anyway thank you for bearing with me as i take time uploading. replies and reblogs and messages are fuel to new chapters, so pretty please! indulge me!

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriesxinthespring, @amitycat, @thefishymissy, @yevheniiaaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam, @elliesnumber1gf, @digit4lslut, @tayyyystan, @emothurman, @livvy-2000, @abigaillovestoread, @gold-dustwomxn, @liabadoobee, @yuckyfucky, @qtefolleunpez, @libr4sonsa, @17luv, @robinismywifee, @villainousbear, @ashlynnnnnnnn15, @scarlettadore, @vianna99, @g0n3girls, @totheblood, @embermdk, @awyunh, @kenz-ee, @marvelwomen-simp, @eleactric, @simpforellie, @omgidksblog, @anxiouso, @nyrastar, @lillysbigwilly, @hopeless-y, @elliesbabygirl, @alexpritch, @thestarsanctuary, @aethelwyneleigh27

#nobody compares to you series #ellie williams #dealer!ellie #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #the last of us #tlou #the last of us part 2 #tlou2 #ellie fanfiction #belle speaks #belle writes

[ronnieafterdark]

Starting this side blog off with a bang, here's some previews of some fics I'm working on. Who knows if they'll ever be published! I certainly don't.

Fic one:

Mike narrows his eyes as continues to watch the camera footage, his chin nestled in the crook of his hand. He watches as the trespasser fidgets with a book, as if they're trying to read but they can't take in any of the words. Like when you read an entire page and realize you were zoned out for most of it so you have to go back and read it again. This person broke into a building to read a book? That's really fucking ballsy. He wants to confront this person (because that's, you know, one of his number one job duties) but he can't help but think about the last time he ‘confronted a criminal’ at a security gig. His eyes drift over to the dust-covered intercom to the side of the monitors which has gone unused for the entirety of his tenure at Freddy's (and probably for the past few decades, too). He would say that there's absolutely no shot that it still works, but, then again, the owner of this place tends to place a weird amount of care in keeping things functional. He knows how to use a modern intercom (he used to be in charge of announcements over the intercom at an aquarium he worked at once—his boss thought he had a great radio voice, or something. That was until he flubbed one of this lines, accidentally saying ‘testicles’ instead of ‘tentacles’... Yeah, he wasn't on announcement duty anymore from then on), but he has no idea how an intercom from the eighties would work. It should be pretty intuitive, he figures.

Fic two:

"You act like you think I care about you," you say, rolling your eyes. "I don't think that. In fact, I want nothing less than for you to care about me," he mutters, voice suddenly growing colder, his previous playfulness dissipating. "And why is that?" You ask, eyes meeting his. "Because I don't care about you. I don't want my apathy to be unreciprocated." You nod, a quick breath leaving your nose. "Gotcha." "You know," he shrugs, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet up on his desk, "you should probably stop worrying about me as much as you do. Between the two of us, do you really think I'm the one who's most likely to have a bounty on their head? You're the one who does all the killing." You glare at him. "Well that's a real fucking comforting thought, but I assure you that I don't have to worry about myself. Nobody stands a chance against me." He sighs, resigning to your stubbornness. "Fine. Just remember that you can never be too careful."

Fic three:

I'm the one who first notices it— no, wait, I think he notices first. He can be a bit of a baby at times and he gets all dramatic over the turbulence. He's the first to say ‘something seems wrong’, but because Derek is Derek, it sounds something more like: "What the fuck is up with this damn thing? It's shaking like a goddamn druggie going through withdrawal. Hold on... Look at that. Look at the fuckin'... System... Thing." Error: server maintenance. "The hell does that mean?" "It's like when you can't play a video game because they have to do something with the server," I respond, taking a closer look. "That's a lot of error signs. How do we fix whatever's going on?" "Fuck if I know. I'm not an engineer." "I don't want to touch anything and make it worse." He gets up, standing next to me and gazing at the ever-increasing amount of error messages on the screen. Error: unable to connect to server. "What, so we can't use Bluetooth anymore? 'Least I don't have to hear your damn music anymore," I mutter. Error: piloting system down. "Oh, that sounds bad—" Error: controls disabled. "Controls disabled? Wait, does that mean—" Error: engine disabled. "Engine disabled? Holy shit— Derek! We're crashing!" Derek's head whips around, immediately locking eyes with me. Pure panic. He lurches forward, grabbing hold of my shoulders and—

#josh hutcherson #josh hutcherson fanfic #josh hutcherson x reader #josh hutcherson x you #fnaf mike #mike fnaf #mike schimdt x reader #mike schmidt #mike schmidt fnaf #mike schmidt imagine #mike schmidt smut #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt x you #derek danforth #derek danforth smut #derek danforth x reader #derek danforth x you

[frostironfudge]

I Think I Met You In My Dreams Once - Bucky Barnes - Two

Summary: After receiving an honourable discharge from his military service that was caused by the loss of his arm, James Barnes begins to come to terms with several things. He also finds solace in youtube videos, memes and social media, where he happens to find you.

Pairing: Ex-Military!Bucky Barnes x Fem! Plus Size!Reader (Modern AU)

Chapter Warnings: Descriptions of how Bucky lost his arm, gun fire, injuries, rehabilitation, angst, hurt/comfort, some fluff, ptsd, nightmares, miscommunication, prosthetic malfunction.

Word Count: 5673 Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Fic Masterlist || Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Playlist

Chapter One || Chapter Three

The tiny notification burns at the back of your mind all day. You even sent a screenshot to your best-friend. Even though Natasha is on New York time she responds with a hell yes within five minutes. She is nine and a half hours away time zone wise, but she has always been there for you. 

Well ever since you both met on twitter and realised you stayed in the same country and just thirty minutes away from each other. 

It was a story you promised to tell your children. 

Two fangirls turned internet besties to real life besties.

Nat:

You know you should accept, also if he uploads a story, stalk it, screenshot it, and I’ll try tracking him down here. My mission before I come home. Even though he could be anywhere in the continental US

You:

Nat, I do not know how I feel about this? He’s a stranger. Also, could he be from Europe? Oh what if he’s British. *swoon*

Nat:

A stranger who agrees with your bullshit about the hot daga. And you’re turning me over to the authorities for that, I will sue you. If he is British then you are a goner.

Me:

On what grounds? Also idk… about James… like jokes aside.

Nat:

You met me on the internet and look at us now, from One Direction to now other fictional book men and real men. 

You:

Compelling point, alright I will accept.

You switch apps hoping your notification doesn’t disturb his sleep. The notification with his name and profile stays where it was, you click on accept. Letting out an exhale you march forwards to the class that awaits your attendance. 

You:

I did it!

Wait shit I forgot to follow him back! 

Fuck.

Okay now, I did it!

You pause realising you never followed him back, “Shit.” 

Rectifying the error, you settle in, sadly looking at Natasha’s empty seat. She would return soon enough, you coax yourself. 

You open the app again, throwing caution to the wind by leaving him a message. You smile reading it over. Hoping he would find the humour in it, if not you could just delete everything and change your name then shift to Antarctica. They need people there, right?

The professor enters, placing her things on the podium and everyone grows silent at the sound of her timer chiming off. Her only warning to the class to behave or be thrown out.

You keep your phone away not wanting a repeat of what occurred with another student’s phone. You never knew glass screens could crack that horribly. The best place to keep it is on your bag in between your legs on the ground.

“Alright, if you are paying attention well and good, if not I could care less about the way you are wasting money.” She turns her eyes to the slides, and your phone vibrates the screen lighting up, dimly. Thankfully it is set to silent mode.

@.bbarnes has sent you a message.

The professor gives you a weird look, why on earth would anyone be grinning about ethics? She doesn’t smile for ethics either. 

Giving her trademark eye roll she continues forward. Ignoring your presence as always. 

It’s almost tempting fate to try and read his message. You give an upward glance as subtly as possible, Listen big guy I know I asked for your assistance this morning with the exam but could you do me a solid? I need to read his message, please. Pretty please. 

You know it may not pan out, because the Professor is well, anti social so what call or message would even get her out of the classroom? 

You sigh, taking notes, trying to not pretend to drop a pencil and take ten minutes to come back up just to speak to James. 

Bucky wasn’t waiting for your response, no, he knew it was a bold move on his part to send a request based on a simple interaction. He really didn’t know what took over him. 

“Hey, man are you going to keep looking at the phone or play?” Sam’s voice cuts Bucky’s umpteenth check on his notification tab. Okay so maybe he was waiting.

“Oh don’t be harsh on him, he’s wondering if he can slide into a DM.” Steve teases upon returning with their drinks. 

“Stevie.” The man in question warns.

The board game cafe is not too packed and Bucky sits with his left side to the wall. A habit he picked up to avoid lingering gazes. 

“Well if he loses he will have a story for the lucky lady.” Sam tries riling Bucky up, placing a draw two for him.

“Oh Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam,” Bucky tsks, and Sam pales, the longer haired man places a draw four, then a draw four again,

“Uno.” Bucky grins, “Oh and the colour is Yellow.”

Sam groans picking up the draw eight, Steve laughs.

“I told you he is a genius at this game.” The blonde laughs further peeking at Sam’s cards, seeing none of them are yellow, but then Sam does a little, “Aha!”

“Wild card, I pick the colour blue.” Sam crosses his arms, smugly leaning back in his chair. Now the man has to pick up a card. Because Sam knows it's yellow. It has to be.

“You know Sam, you remind me of that meme. The baffled Micheal Scott when Toby returns?” Bucky plucks out his last blue card from his card holder, displaying it and Sam does mimic that scene.

“Oh God. No.” Sam groans, the blue card hits the pile and Bucky raises his beer bottle in cheers, smugly grinning.

“I told you not to pick, Uno.” Steve shrugs, reminding Sam, “And what did you do?”

“I picked Uno.” The man grumbles, deflated.

“One day, one day someone is going to beat his ass in Uno.” Sam forewarns. 

“Right, sore loser.” Bucky rolls his eyes. 

“No, I am putting a curse on you.” Sam waves the cards in a circle around Bucky; he and Steve just laugh.

“Just you wait, one day you’re going to come crying that Sam, Sam the curse is true. That day my brother, I will throw a party.” Sam chuckles while taking a sip of his drink.

“Ooh, I’m scared. Me, losing Uno can only happen in a dream.” Bucky shakes his head, if he slept well enough to dream that is, well, complicated, at best.

“I can’t believe there is someone who agrees about the Hot Daga.” Steve starts and Sam wants to groan.

“Man off limit topic. I’ve seen enough arguments. Can we just enjoy the next board game this little shit is pathetic at, please?” Sam requests and they exchange the Uno for Monopoly Deal.

Amidst the chaos and laughter, Bucky wonders, do you enjoy board games? That would be one of the first things he would ask, if you responded. He was sort of worried about the lack of communication from your end. He hoped you weren’t someone who was scarce to respond to messages.

Bucky checks the time as he walks into the apartment. Alpine jumps up at him, sitting on his left shoulder. He knows the arm will be decided for his keeping or not in a few weeks but he can’t help but feel a longing for it. The job Tony gave him, and the pay he could afford it if he saved enough for a few months. He didn’t want charity or pity. Enough of that was thrown his way. 

Settling in on his couch with Alpine going feral for the liquid treat. Bucky only laughed and cooed at her as she held his arm so he wouldn’t move the packet away from her. 

“You know I won’t take it.” He reminds the little fur ball but she pays him no mind only focused on the flavour of fish. 

When the treat is empty the cat simply moves away going to clean herself on her favourite pillow. 

“Hey, Alpine, I love you.” The cat pauses, looking at Bucky and then blinks both her eyes slowly. Her way of saying I love you as well. He grins then flicks on the TV needing to watch the latest episode of the series he’s just started. 

Soon enough the storyline of the episode isn’t gripping enough and Bucky finds himself drifting off to sleep. 

“Sergeant, fall back, I said,” The radio scrambles, “trap—, fall, retreat—, unit retreat—,” The lieutenant’s voice dies down, Bucky feels dread seep into his bones. 

Not again. He was supposed to get better. 

Flying upward, falling on his arm, two gunshots—he turns his head to the side a fog suddenly surrounding him. 

He’s laying on snow now, cold seeps into his bones. 

He tries getting up but his left arm takes no weight and his right just feels tired. Numb. 

A rustling distracts him, your face visible through the trees, the rest of you obscured. 

What are you doing here? 

He wants to beg of you to leave, you can’t see him like this, broken. He can’t—, he’s back on barren land, surrounded by blazing guns and an inevitable loss. 

Music envelopes the dream his eyebrows furrow, it’s a dream, Bucky needs to leave, he can’t, he can’t stay here. 

There is a weight on his chest and then he feels softness on his cheek, he looks up, your hand? You’re caressing his cheek. 

How is it—

Bucky’s eyes open, Alpine is curled against his cheek. 

A gasp leaves him, his chest rising and falling too quickly. Not enough to keep up. The gunfire from the episode playing triggers his heart rate to still sky rocket. He shuts it off then holds Alpine close letting her purring sooth him. 

His phone gleams drawing him further away from the nightmare/dream. Your name in the notifications makes him smile. 

He’s about to click it to view your profile a second notification from you distracts the task. 

message from @.watchingthemoonlight 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

just so you know i accepted for alpine and i to communicate since i have to formally lodge a complaint against her Hufflepuff father. 

Lol, jokes aside, hope you’re doing okay, if this message caught you at an odd hour we’re probably in different time zones which sucks but at least there is someone who appreciates fine art as i do. I’m sorry if i disturbed your sleeping time. 

Bucky laughs, whole heartedly, he goes onto your profile, opening the first picture you’re with a red haired woman. The goofy smile on your face is endearing the your cheeks have a hint of dimples and your eyes shine at whatever was making you laugh. 

The scrolls through the few rows, a few pictures of coffee cups, some of the sky, a few of books and music and one of you holding up a moon shaped lamp. 

Intently gazing at it as it illuminated your features even in the darkness. He knows this is just a glimpse into who you are, but he cannot help but find you intriguing. 

He goes back to the chat, typing a response waiting for you to reply. 

You owed the big guy up there one. The professor was called out by the head of department. So you lunged for your phone as if a human seeing water after ages. 

You had to read James’ message about three times before it registered in your mind which was moving a mile a minute. 

@.bbarnes:

Alpine might be nocturnal but her business hours for taking feedback on her father are during 9 am to 5 pm and we might be in different timezones yes, and no you didn’t wake me up. I was up anyways, watching a random movie. 

It feels great to know another fine art lover. 

Also we’re both in Hufflepuff so even if you complain about me, only our house points will go down. Think logically, Doll. 

What are you up to? Also what time is it there? 

Your heart skips a beat at the nickname, you don’t read much into it, that could be a habit of his, you shrug it off, typing away. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

it is around two in the afternoon, i’m stuck in a lecture on ethics. For the first time in my academic life this professor has disappeared mid lecture. 

i will address the concerns i have in the appropriate manner and timing to her. 

yes but your insubordination will be written up, also you could get detention. i am thinking logically. 

glad i didn’t disturb you, what time is it there? 

@.bbarnes:

taking the house down from the inside? do we have our first Hufflepuff dark wizard? gasp, call rita skeeter. 

i think some of my presence has to do with the Professor’s disappearance. 

It’s around four thirty in the morning. i’m based in new york city. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

check your walls she might be listening in, holy shit she could hack the conversation cause she’s a bug. 🤣🤣 get it cause computer bugs? 

woah the big apple, I’ve been there a few years ago, with family, my best friend hails from there! she’s visiting currently. 

i think you’re right if you got rid of her then i won’t complain to Alpine. 

Also if you’re awake at 4:30 am when are you going to sleep? I know the city never sleeps but you should. 

Bucky wants to laugh at your pun, he smiles knowing you’ve travelled before to the city that is becoming his home. There is an almost ten hour difference between you and him but that doesn’t bother him.

He hopes to deflect your question in regards to his sleep because that is a pandora’s box that he would not like to open. Just yet.

@.bbarnes: 

did you do all touristy things? please tell me you went to the edge observatory deck, it really is a lovely view. 

i will go to bed once i help you survive the remainder of your lecture on ethics. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

I was visiting cousins down in Atlanta, we drove upto New York on the way to their graduation in boston. 

so effectively there only for twenty four hours, went to the empire state, roamed around times square and then walked for several, whats that word you guys use? Blocks, yes blocks! For gyro from the halal guys, i wish i could eat it every week (i could daily its that good) have you tried it? 

aww, my hero, thank you for your service in being a saviour. 

The thank you for your service drudges up more things to avoid than face. His hand shakes as he types trying to distract his mind. 

@.bbarnes 

what is ‘the halal guys’? 

also only twenty four hours? you have to visit again those hours aren’t enough in nyc. i willbe your personal tour guide if I have to be.

you’re welcome 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

You’ve been in nyc more than twenty four hours and do not know what the halal guys is? 

James, James, James. Go see the link i’m attaching. 

I do plan to visit again, once things work out here.

Have you traveled much? 

Bucky opens the link you send of their locations and menu when a wave of tiredness hits him. The exhaustion finally catching up. He wants to respond to you before he doses off but the second he lays in his own bed he finds sleep wants to pull him into its warm embrace. 

The phone screen gleams in his hold with your message blearily he reads it. 

@.watchinginthemoonlight:

so we got dismissed from the lecture hall so you have saved me, successfully. 

i hope you fell asleep while dreaming of the menu items from the halal guys. 

hope you sleep well, message me when you eat from there or when you wake up.

thank you, James. 

ps. give alpine some treats from me 

Bucky falls asleep with a smile on his face. Dreamless but comforting. 

You snap at a classmate for their sheer stupidity for not labelling the slides correctly for the group project. 

“Yikes, if I knew this would happen to him not replying since three days, I would have packed him in my suitcase.” Natasha sips on her coffee as you settle down near her after that disaster of a group meeting. 

Nothing seems to be going right. Nothing. 

You glance at your phone one more time, the notification tab sits empty and you want to chuck the stupid overpriced glass brick at a wall. 

“Nat.” You glower at her. 

“No look, conversations like these are too be expected its not always going to be continued texting and exchanging memes.” She explains offering you the muffin she brought. 

“I know but I thought the conversations were interesting enough.” You scroll over the past one and a half week’s conversations. 

Maybe declining his offer of scrabble was not such a good idea, you could have powered through, your mind reels despite finding fondness through the conversations had with each other. 

@.bbarnes has sent you a photo

@.bbarnes: 

so i tried The Halal Guys, don’t know why you had to walk blocks and blocks the way is pretty easy. You’re right its really good. 

The photo he sent was chicken over rice and seeing the white sauce had you very, very jealous. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

can you send me the white sauce? i don’t care about anything else. 

James, please i’m starving here. 

@.bbarnes has sent you a video

He zooms in on the white sauce then turns the camera on himself smugly grinning. 

@.watchingthemoonlight has sent you a picture 

@.bbarnes:

Doll, you need to not pout cause I might just send a FedEx full of the white sauce to you. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

bring it with your fine self?

(error: message unsent)

You hope he didn’t read it, too risky. But he did read it from the chat list. 

@.watchingthemoonlight has sent you a picture 

Another picture with your own version of kitten eyes. Like puss in the boots.

@.bbarnes:

Alpine has a competitor. Your kitty eyes might just work. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

Really?

@.bbarnes:

I might just bring it myself. 

He shoots his shot. If it fails he can always erase his internet presence. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

I’d wait outside the airport with open arms.

She wonders if crossing this territory is a mistake or not. He’s typing so she cannot unsend it. 

@.bbarnes:

For the white sauce?

She shakes her head at his humour, while getting told off by her mother about having the phone out at the dinner table. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

Of course for the white sauce. 

Bucky shakes his head chuckling, he keeps the phone aside as Sam and Steve begin to bicker again and he adjusts the camera for them, checking the audio levels. This was their 100th livestream so they needed help. 

His screen lights up with a message that has him feel warmth in his chest. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

the white sauce would be in your bags so the open arms are for you, James. 

You bite your lip, smiling to yourself as you re-read the message sent. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

hey james? 

just wanted to check in on you, i might not reply since i’m not feeling that great, my test didn’t go well. also my advisor fully butchered me in front of the committee and just, it was brutal. 

I know we had the whole online scrabble game planned but I don’t think I’m up for it… raincheck please?

I’m so sorry. 

Bucky furrows his eyebrows, as he lets Peter perform the checks on arm, they had done a newer coding for more complex movements to convert the neuron signalling, to reduce the lag time. 

He had sent you a bunch of memes, expecting responses since during the different wake sleep hours that is what you both did and the hours that coincided the two of you would talk about random things— tv shows watched, dreams and aspirations. 

He hadn’t yet said anything yet, only keeping it surface level that he was between odd jobs and then found coding. 

“Hey, Pete, can we wait a minute?” He requests and Peter nods going to Kamala for getting more readings on the other participants. 

@.bbarnes:

Hey doll, i’m so sorry this has got you down. If you need to take time then please do, I’m at work right now I will check back in with you in an hour and if you’re up for what I’m thinking, I hope it makes you feel better.

I could also write an anonymous complaint to your university against the professor. Just say the word.

You feel a hint of a smile, honestly the prospect is tempting. Having the professor be reprimanded. You want to cry at how perfect James is, sweet and caring and funny as hell.

@.watchingthemoonlight: 

I hope I didn’t get you down at work, I’ll reply once you’re done, unless I fall asleep. 

@.bbarnes:

You can never get me down, doll. Talking to you is the favourite part of my day. 

Tell you what? Gather around your faves snacks and just give me an hour. 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

It is mine too. 

You smile picking yourself put of bed and finding the snacks as requested and sending him a picture of the gathered items. 

And that was three days ago. 

Bucky tucks his phone back in after reading your reply he walks up to Kamala and Peter to get things back on track. 

They work on fine motor and handling fragile objects just as the session is going to come to a close Tony asks him to use his phone exclusively for the left but the touch wouldn’t register at all. 

He was getting frustrated, it was now beyond the one hour he has promised you.  

“Tony can we please do this tomorrow?” Bucky pleads, his knee bouncing out of the fear of disappointing you on an already hard day. 

“Just need to tinker one last thing grumpy pants. Whats got you so anxious? A date?” The man teases and Bucky lets out a breath of frustration. 

Tony shakes his head smiling knowingly. 

“Okay now try texting her you will be just delayed by ten minutes. Cause here I’m done. Oh use the left hand and Pete record this for me please?” Tony looks at Peter who runs up with his phone set. 

Bucky takes a deep inhale, unlocking his phone but when he goes to open the app to speak to you, his metal thumb cracks through the screen and the phone dies in his arm and then a current shoots through his shoulder. 

He groans as he falls off the chair and Tony and Peter activate the emergency response triage and all Bucky can feel is failure once again. 

Is anything good even meant for him? 

The current still moves through making him shake, Bucky girts his teeth to stop himself from screaming. 

“Barnes I’m dismounting the arm.” Tony says as he begins the process wearing rubber gloves. 

“Get it off! The mounting—,” Bucky yells, the veins in his neck gaining prominence. 

Shuri arrives in quickly locating the kill switch and disabling the arm, they watch as  Bucky begins to even out his breathing, the red tinge that took over his skin starts returning to normal. Wordlessly he gets up not even looking at the arm that was being programmed to be his, he finds himself in the bathroom right hand clutching the sink as the tap runs to mask his sobs.

All he wanted to be doing right now is having a watch party for some movie with you to take your mind off everything. Bucky looks at his reflection, if you knew you wouldn’t look at him or speak to him again.

“Barnes?” Tony knocks on the door and Bucky splashes his face to erase any evidence of tears.

“Yeah?” He keeps his voice clipped.

“This was a one off, you know that right?” Tony takes off his glasses, “It will take time for things to adjust.”

“Please, I, I don’t think I want to be in the trial anymore.” Bucky tries not to let his eyes tear up again.

“Listen, take the next few days off, I do not want you to quit because of a rectifiable set back. If you still do not feel fine, you may withdraw.” 

Bucky meets the older man’s tired but kind gaze.

“You will still be on the coding team, you’re one of the best I’ve seen. Like a sniper almost.” Tony commends they fall into step on their way back to the room. Bucky collects his things and broken phone. 

Bucky takes the subway to find some moments to himself before he is left alone with his thoughts. When he comes home, warms his dinner and absentmindedly plays with Alpine’s feather toy making her chase it. The door bell rings and Peter grins up at him holding a white box with a purple ribbon on it.

Bucky raises an eyebrow in question.

“Mr. Stark noted you wouldn’t stop to get a new phone. Also we didn’t have your plan or sim information and hacking felt very wrong.” Peter laughs, “Also Mr. Stark said you should not leave a lady waiting.” The young intern hands the box and then leaves after cooing at Alpine and petting her.

Bucky stares at the box, he could set up with wifi but he hardly remembers anyone’s contact numbers. Deciding to go to the service provider tomorrow assembles his plan.

On the third day post being shocked by his arm he receives his new phone, the models had to be changed because with his lucky only he got defective pieces. He begins to download all the apps while reading the lines of code, noting down the mistakes on the iPad and then proceeding to correct them. 

“Have you decided yet?” Stark questions when they are running the trial on another participant. 

Bucky shakes his head.

“I’m going to go out on a limb here, are you worried about what the girl whose messages make you go from grumpy to happy thinks?” 

Tony only chuckles when he receives a death glare in return.

“Oh come on. Or do I have to call that gorgeous blond friend of yours and flirt with him till he spills the secret.” The head researcher keeps teasing.

“Tony,” Bucky says in warning, logging into the app and then noticing your chat having several unread notifications.

“My advice? Tell her, you won’t know till you do.” He places a comforting hand on his shoulder and Bucky opens the chat, scrolling from where he had lost his device. There are well thought out responses to his jokes and posts that he shared along with a string of your own messages.

@.watchingthemoonlight:

james? are you there? 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

morning! i think you got really tired or held up at work, I have decided to stop moping around so bring on more memes. also sending you this really hilarious compilation of each *wheeze* in unsolved. (link attached)

@.watchingthemoonlight:

James, oh my god, that Professor she was kicked out. Apparently she did some money issue and oh shit its this whole thing! when are you free i will send a huge text or voice note depending on what you prefer.

@.watchingthemoonlight:

hey its been almost a day, you aren’t ever AWOL this long… is everything okay? is everyone in the family okay? 

@.watchingthemoonlight:

james?

@.watchingthemoonlight:

i hope everything is alright… take care please, i’m hoping it is all okay…

@.watchingthemoonlight:

hey incase you’re finding these messages annoying i’ll stop them… also if you don’t want to talk anymore, I’d understand… i’m sorry

Bucky groans, that was the last one. God he’s made you think he is ghosting you. Fuck. He goes to the break room, as he types.

@.bbarnes:

Doll, I’m so so so sorry, that evening work just went to chaos, please tell me when are you free, I, could we do a video call? Please?

The seen on his screen gives him hope, then you begin typing and then stop.

You:

Nat, he wants to video call, says he wants to explain things

Nat: 

okay so he’s either going to be a catfish or he is going to explain

You: 

he is not a catfish he sent me a video of him eating the chicken and rice…

Nat: 

right sorry, this assignment is kicking my ass, talk to him, lock your door incase things get steamy 💦💦💦💦

You: 

Natasha.

Nat: 

Y/N. I can feel the sear of your glare, yikes.

Ignoring her you switch apps, going back to James.

@.watchingthemoonlight:

You only have five minutes to explain your absence.

@.bbarnes:

I might need more, doll.

@.watchingthemoonlight:

just call.

Bucky feels his heart pounding, yours does too as the call takes precedence over the phone screen, you connect your headphones for privacy. Answering the call you’re greeted by James’ nervous expression.

“H-hi Doll.” He gives a wave, his face and part of his torso then takes up the screen.

His eyes are so blue? How even is that possible?

You shake your head trying not to drown in those baby blues.

“H-hey, James.” You wave back, taking in his short hair and stubble. 

“So um, I’m going to get right to it,” He scratches the back of his neck.

“Yes, explain yourself.” You glare at him, he pales slightly.

“Doll…” He attempts to find the right words for you.

“Look, if, if you wanted to stop talking a message would do—,”

“I would be a fool to stop talking to you, remember what I said? Talking to you is the best part of my day?” He questions and you nod and Bucky can see that one stray ringlet of your hair bounce.

“Well guess what? Seeing you and talking to you this way may just take the cake.” He beams when you smile.

“Are you okay? I was worried…” You trail off.

“Okay, Y/N, um, this might be a hard conversation but, I think you need to know so I can explain my three day absence.” 

You look at him confused and then he stands blocking the camera with his navy shirt and then he moves back till you can see his legs. 

“James, what—your, your arm? Are, did it, when?” You look from the missing limb to his face, he knows your mind is probably running a mile a minute.

“Remember when I also said I was here and there with things? I was enlisted in the arm from nineteen to twenty six, the last two years I’ve been rehabilitating back…” He watches every expression on your face from shock to understanding to sadness.

“I, James, thank, thank you for trusting me enough to share this part of your life… I’m, I’m sorry you had to go through that ordeal. Is, are you going to the VA or any support groups?” You ask, he nods.

“I um, yeah being in the army does come at a price mentally and emotionally. I enrolled in a trial the arm malfunctioned and I broke my phone and then the replacement phones had manufacturing issues. That is why I was gone. Not, not because I did not want to talk to you, could never want to give up our friendship.” He admits, you smile at him.

“When are you going back to try the arm again? Also I hope you know you are not inadequate without your arm. You’re capable of doing everything you want to.” You say and he sniffles.

“I, thank you, I thought you would not—,” He coughs to cover the emotion taking over his throat.

“Oh, James, no, never, I, please never think I would judge you or base our friendship on you not having your arm, you were serving your country and that is a brave task. I’m sure adjusting back to civilian life is hard enough without all the societal judgemental fuckery bullshit.” You offer a small smile. Encouraging him to feel okay to be vulnerable.

“I was scared to lose you, Doll.” He admits.

“I’ll always be here, James on the other side of the screen.” You promise.

“I’ll always be on this side of the screen too.” he gives you a warm smile.

You both smile at each other knowing the conversation isn’t over but knowing that a new facet of your friendship has bloomed, a deeper root connecting the two of you. 

“Is that an Edward Cullen poster?” Bucky suddenly spots your old poster that never could be brought down because you superglued it.

“Way to ruin a sweet moment.” You roll your eyes at him laughing his butt off.

“Alright, alright, enough.” You warn him, as he still laughs, “I will cut the call, James.”

“Hey, no, no, I’d never given too much into how I would die,” He grins as realisation dawns on you that he is quoting the opening words, “But dying in the place of someone I loved, seems like a good way to go.”

“How many times have you watched it?” You ask bewildered.

“Far too many.” He giggles and you want to beg your brain to never forget that sound.

“You have to watch it with me, you owe me a movie party. As punishment for your misdeeds.” You warn with a smile.

“I’ll gladly pay my dues.” He grins and you both fall into an easy conversation till he has to get back to work and you have to get back to your assignment. The call comes to an end reluctantly. You sigh keeping your phone on the small stand, pulling the textbooks back in place.

As you begin to write the first line, the notification draws your attention back.

@.bbarnes:

just keep the call on, I’ll keep you company and you keep me company. Don’t want to hang up yet.

You smile full of mirth and a chest full of butterflies as the second notification takes up the screen.

@.bbarnes incoming videocall.

AN: hope you enjoyed the chapter!

taglist is open! please comment or message to be tagged!

permanent tags: @stevesmewmew @pandaxnienke

fic taglist: @harry03bb @et-homephone @sebsgirl71479 @blackwidownat2814 @littleone2223

#bucky barnes au #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #best friend bucky #bucky x plus size reader #bucky x female reader #buck barnes fic #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fluff #james barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fluff #sebastian stan #bucky x yn #the winter soldier x you #frostironfudge #bucky barnes x plus size reader #james buchanan barnes x you #white wolf #bucky barnes angst #bucky is the best #bucky x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky angst #bucky fanfic #modern bucky barnes #modern au #marvel #bucky x y/n #bucky fic

[mrsmarymorstan]

Hi....Do you mind if I ask you some random thing? I used to love shounen and shoujo manga equally....But ever since I found BL manga 3 years ago, my interest in shoujo decrese a lot, and what I search for is just the dynamic between mc (male) and male lead...I don't want to read mc (female) and male lead or mc (male) and female lead...My interest in het romance also decrese....

What do you think happen to me? Sorry for this weird ask....

I mean, firstly people's tastes change and that's okay! Lots of people prefer to read same sex romance over characters of different genders! It's nothing to really worry about unless you're a dick about it, which you are not being so that's fine!

It could be that you don't like the way some female characters are treated in manga, so having none there makes it more fun to read. It could be that you find you can get more invested in a romance if you're not expected to relate to one of the characters. You may be queer and prefer to read queer romance as a result even if those characters don't match your gender!

Or maybe you just wanted a change of pace with BL. There's even manga such as "I want to be a wall" and "BL Metamorphosis" that directly talk about this phenomenon among (cis) women so, regardless of your personal gender identity, you're definitely not alone in feeling as though you can't relate to Male/Female romance anymore.

It's also true that BL as we know it began within the pages of Shojo Magazines! And indeed, many modern queer series are still published in Shojo Magazines! So you may be enjoying Shojo without even knowing it =)

Good recent examples of this include "My Love Mix-Up" and "Sasaki and Miyano"! But also let's not forget classics like "New York New York" and "Banana Fish". Heck! Why not throw "Rose of Versailles" and "Princess Knight" in there too, because honey there is nothing CisHet about Lady Oscar, and Prince Sapphire lol

And also a good reminder that "Shojo" is not synonymous with "Romance"! Yes, romantic subplots are a common feature, but when you think of Sailor Moon do you think of her as constantly pining after Tuxedo Mask, or do you imagine her doing her cool transformations and beating up whatever weird monsters have been sent her way that week?

Some good Non-Romance Orientated Shojo I would recommend that I've been reading lately are:

- Dawn of the Arcana

- The King's Beast

- Kageki Shojo!!

- Prince Freya

- Rose of Versailles

- The Demon Prince of Momochi House

(Oh and "Shojo Horror" is a whole thing too, Junji Ito got his start in Shojo Magazines. 'Starfruit Books' are a digital publisher who publish a lot of English and Spanish Language Shojo Horror so worth looking them up too if you like horror, which I don't, but respect those who do lol)

But if you're maybe looking for some Non-Heteronormative M/F romances to give them another shot I can recommend:

- A Sign of Affection (If you liked "I hear the Sun Spot" I think you'll like this)

- Ladies On Top (18+)

- Snow White With The Red Hair

- The Invisible Man And His Soon To Be Wife

And whilst these ones are still rather heteronormative, they do contain female leads who do way more than just sit around and hope that senpai notices them:

- Something's Wrong With Us (18+)

- Sweat and Soap (18+)

- Knight of The Ice

- My Happy Marriage

- Your Name

And whilst my goal this year is to try and read more Girl Love stories, (or just F/F romance in general I should say) and therefore I don't have AS MANY to recommend I HAVE been reading "Runaway With Me Girl", "Catch These Hands" and "Kase-san and Yamada"

I hope that helps! At the end of the day, whilst I always encourage people to try to read out of their comfort zone, it's your free time and your money! You should be allowed to spend it however you want, so long as you're not hurting anyone.

(I do think that anyone attempting to be a professional reviewer should absolutely try and read more books from more demographics but that's you trying to make money off of your hobby which is absolutely not the same as a rando who just wants to read about boys kissing on their time off from work/school)

#replies #anon #manga #manga recs #recs #You can scroll through my pinned post if you want trigger warnings for most of those series #BTW #Some aren't on there because I either only just got to Vol 3 or I haven't read 3 full volumes yet but most are on there 👍

[chocochipbiscuit]

1, 2, 14, 15 (for fun and flavor), 37 & 38 if you'd like!

1) Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Gonna repeat what I said before, but:

Warm sensual smut with feelings, with an emphasis on oral sex and maybe some size kink. Or general shippy nonsense, usually femslash. <3

2) Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

I’ve written most of the tropes I’ve wanted to try already, is the problem!!! (Or maybe the joy of cutting my fandom teeth on a kink meme!)

But…I’ve never written sex pollen before, and there is a certain fic that’s been kicking its way in my brain for a while, so….

14) What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Oh my fuck, there was this snippet I read once, I forget what book it was in! It was a bunch of creative types talking about their process, and this section was about structure. A lot of people did the typical ‘lay out scenes/summaries on notecards, shuffle around to see if it makes more sense.’ Which also happens to fit my own process and why I love Scrivener!

Except…this one person claimed that they actually printed out their entire manuscript, then scattered/shuffled the pages around so that they were all out of order. Then they would pick them up and sift through them, figuring out if a better flow emerged. They claimed that it helped them pick through themes and arcs by seeing them in a nonlinear order, and maybe that’s true for their process! But that gave me such a visceral NOPE that it still makes me inordinately upset!!!

15) If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

A Most Edible Thistle!!! It was written to be more of a rom-com, and I would especially love to see the last chapter play out as a movie; the ludicrous assassination attempts! Josephine and Yvette squabbling and Josephine chasing her around the office! The entire chase scene with the goat!

37) Talk about your current wips.

OHOHO I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING!!!!

Awoo AU is my most active WIP, and it’s got the Cassandra/Leliana modern werewolf vibes up the wahoo!!!! It’s also the first fic (in a long time!) that I tried launching into without an extensive outline first, so…uh. It’s gonna be a real rough draft when this first draft’s done. It’s already teetered between horror/suspense vibes, family comedy, romance, and now I gotta finish this and get everything in harmony!

Originally I was thinking about ‘monstrousness’ as an allegory for queerness, and the way that we so often find refuge in loving the ‘other’ we have been taught to fear, but along the way it’s made me think about Leliana’s own relationship to femininity and the ways she performs those rituals and the contrast between how deliberately rich tourist femme she is in human form and the sleek monster of her wolf form. I’m just now writing the scene where she first lets Cassandra see her change into a wolf (she knows she’s a lovely human and a lovely wolf; those in-between shapes???? NO) and thinking about the tremendous vulnerability and acceptance there and how Cass has just begun to accept that she likes girls (and Leliana in particular) and loves the ‘monstrous’ parts of Leliana that are neither soft or delicate, and just!!!!

I HAVE FEELINGS OKAY!!!!

if you love me (let me go) is the super-indulgent short post-RE2 fic where Ada doms Leon! If only because I love Ada and she deserves to have a good time bossing around this rookie cop!!!

It’s super short, the first draft’s already done, and I’m holding out for it until after finishing Awoo AU because I think it’ll be an easy revision. Just something to build up my confidence after all the longfic hell. :’)

Fallout Necro AU is the other WIP that’s been on the backburner, and I plan to make revising that my next longfic project after I finish writing Awoo AU’s first draft!!! It’s a Locked Tomb/Fallout fusion, where basically necromancy mushroomed like bioluminous fungi after the bombs dropped, and cav/necro pairs work as a sort of shitty soulmates AU. The right cav/necro pair can access greater power than either can individually, but oh boy! There are some toxic relationships there too!

Long story short: Hancock accepts Danse into Goodneighbor after Danse is kicked out of the BoS. They realize (to their mutual horror) that they are a perfect cav/necro match. Danse pledges himself to be Hancock’s necromantic juicebox (“one flesh, one end”) because he’s desperate to be useful. Desperate to be used. And Hancock accepts because fuck it, even as Goodneighbor’s most powerful necromancer, he’s running on fumes these days and wants to build a neighborhood (a future) that will outlive him.

Feels! Cool necromantic battles! Undead armies! Skeletal automatons tending the crops! And then the Brotherhood marching on Goodneighbor, and all the Goodneighbor citizens rising up to take a stand!

It’s. Uh. Over 40k words as a rough draft, and I’m both terrified and excited for when I dive into revisions.

38) Talk about a review that made your day.

ALL OF THEM!!!!

But I will confess….there’s a special delight to the comments that read like book reports, where someone picks apart themes and character arcs or points out key parts of the dynamic that I love! Or when I’m in an exchange and assigned to one of my friends or a writer I greatly admire (senpai notice me~!) and they write a super-nice comment while we’re still in the anon period!!!!

I just! At the end of the day, one of the reasons I post fic is because I crave that moment of connection, of knowing that the words resonated with someone else. In that sense, while I appreciate kudos, they don’t start a conversation in the same way. It’s a way of saying that I’m not entirely alone in this vast ocean of feels provoked by this one ship or character dynamic.

Thank you for the questions!!!! I’m gonna go roll in feels now!

(Asks are from this meme!)

#choco answers #quandary-peak

[minipliny]

For the end of year book asks: 11, 17, 25 please and thank?

11 A book that was most out of your comfort zone

Probably Idol by Louise O'Neill! I don't usually read books that are set right in the present day, or thrillers, or books about social media/the Internet, but I am glad I read it. It's about an Instagram influencer promoting spirituality, self confession, and feminist healing who is herself accused of sexual assault by a childhood friend, so, major content warnings for discussion and depiction of sexual violence. I thought it was quite a compelling take on the kind of parasocial relationships gone wrong of the Internet era and how the idea of the first person confessional tell all can sometimes not be about truth but about crafting a certain type of story. I often wince at stories which are meant to capture ~the zeitgeist~ but this felt like a specific story about a specific situation that stuck its landing rather than like reading an op Ed.

17 Top 5 books of the year

Petina Gappah, out of Darkness, Shining Light which I am instantly and personally recommending to you because it is the story of Dr livingstone's African servants transporting his body to the coast from their perspective and Gappah creates an incredible transformative text and set of characters I'm still thinking about, it 2as brilliant

Piranesi, Susanna Clarke. This was absolutely fantastic, also impossible to pigeonhole into any known genre or situation. It's still swirling around in my mind and i just love how completely perfectly realised and also deeply ambiguous the House is. It's not a metaphor, it just is.

The Shadow King, Maaza Mengiste. Made me cry very hard for the last 100 pages which is hard to do. A proper modern war epic, that somehow summons up all the honour and glory of the characters facing down the Italians with all the terrible ugliness and gendered violence and hierarchies and contradictions of their lives and societies at once.

Afterparties, Anthony Veasna So. A set of short stories set in California in the Cambofian diaspora which contains the most fantastic story about trying to teach Moby Dick in the Bay Area and what Moby Dick even means and what being a professor and being expected to represent anything in writing even means and which is just like layer upon geological layer of meaning as well as really, deeply funny and well observed.

Transcendent Kingdom, Yaa Gyasi. On a lot of people's lists, and I gave in and read it, and it is that good. I love a book about doing neuroscientific experiments on rats with cocaine, and I love about faith without being about faith in any obvious way. But what put this on my top 5 is that there is so much hope in its narrative in the bittersweetness of it, and I felt like I really needed that when I read it.

25 Did you discover any new authors?

Yes! Jess Kidd, The Night Ship, which is an amazing retelling of the Batavia sinking and mutiny which I almost put in my top 5, Petina Gappah whose second book I'm now reading, Margaret Drabble (not new as in now, but new to me) after reading the Seven Sisters, Mavis Gallant whose short stories blew my mind, Elizabeth Strout, Julie Otsuka, Moris Farhi, Darragh Martin....

[brokskar]

12, 23 and 30 for the fic ask thingy :)

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

Less of a trope and more of a genre, but I never really enjoyed fantasy stories and always preferred more realistic/modern stories. Not sure why, but recently I've been trying to branch out more and stop judging fics (and books in general) by their covers/genres.

23. What's a trope, AU, or concept you've never written, but would like to?

Similarly, I'm very interested in writing a fantasy AU at some point. I have a few vague ideas and snapshots of scenes in my head, but it still has a long way to go in the development stage. I'd also like to write some canon-verse stuff and do some character study fics.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

To be honest, writing fic in general is out of my comfort zone. Or, at least, it was. I started writing fic when I was thirteen (almost eight years ago 😥) But didn't begin to post until I was eighteen because I always got too insecure and deleted the documents. At this point, I've come to realize that there really is nothing to fear, and no matter how niche or specific my work is, there's someone out there who will read it and enjoy it. And if not, there's always me.

#mange takk for spørringen!! #brok shut up (writing) #writing asks

[rigelmejo]

Notes today o3o)/

1. Chinese

I am 5/12 chapters through 第十二封情书 and I also recommend this as an easy-ish read, especially if you want to pick up some school related words. School related words are a weak spot for me lol because I never needed to learn 班长 is class monitor. The writing is fairly straightforward if you wanted to guess word meanings they're fairly clear from context.

Where this fic shines is its words about feelings/ideas/reasons since it's half in rhe form of introspective "love letters" Zhang zhijun never plans to send, so it's him writing how he feels and wondering if he's nervous or worried to tell his feelings, if he wants to stop the feelings and move on, if people you like become perfect in your eyes, etc. All really good conceptual words on thoughts and emotions which would help one figure out how to word their own feelings in a conversation, in a journal, or if you plan in the future to read stuff where the narrator does get self reflective.

I checked out the 200+k story 你喜不喜欢你, and although Heavenly Path ranks it as Upper Intermediate, Readibu is giving me an hsk 4 comprehension 83% and hsk 5 comprehension 93% for it, which appears to be comfortably in my Extensive Reading zone. So i may read some of that next... though 撒野 is equivalent in difficulty because of Length reasons at that point, and similarly easy language for me. 你喜不喜欢你 supposedly has ghosts though... and I love me a modern supernatural story. See: my favorite pingxie fics ToT 寒舍 and 半夜寒衣. Which, I would read those 2 pingxie fics next but. Readibu stats put them as harder (hsk 4 comprehension 77%). So while I've read them before and know a lot of THEIR specific words, on the other hand I'm reading "easier" stuff right now just to get a lot of reading in. More reading practice = more improvement, so I'm not exactly dying to slow down my progress lol.

On the other hand though? Reading stuff with more unknown words/stuff does increase opportunities to learn things I have a weak spot in. For example I'm reading this school focused thing, which is definitely filling in my high school/college vocabulary gaps. Reading a business setting with economics discussed would fill in gaps I definitely have, etc. Like... I will ultimately NEED to read stuff I'm unfamiliar with, to become familiar with it. So it's not a bad idea to push myself into Unknown vocabulary territory every so often.

Yes, I'm still trying to find out if that 9000 pages in your target language makes u able to read better ToT. One day ill get to prove that claim true or false. One day ToT

I am still reading dmbj 1. But it's slower going cause those chapters take me 20-30 minutes a piece. And of course... once I finish I've got a LOT more fucking dmbj novels ToT. Which... I might do 云村笔记 next, since it's got useful words and it's mostly a slice of life novel so I don't need to keep reading another 30 chapters of our dudes scared in a tomb! (I tell you what though: if you want to get comfortable with tomb genre words read dmbj... I feel like after this first novel, the majority of new unknown words will be sand/water setting related or names, because the vast majority of other words in dmbj are scary/reaction/tomb/old stuff antique/bugs/tomb gear which the first book is covering and getting one familiar with).

2. Japanese

I started Yakuza Like a Dragon yesterday, with Ichibian!

And like every single fucking time I start a Japanese game, my brain goes into overdrive to remind me of what's familiar but I fucking forgot ToT, what I don't know yet and desperately try to guess, what I remember but needs to Snap Back into place again, and how much I just wanna Get Better At Japanese so the task of me enjoying comparing the japanese to the English translation gets easier. (Don't ask why I enjoy so Much comparing japanese original with translations, but wow do i, I'm absolutely overwhelmed with doing it automatically and loving it a lot whenever I stumble into japanese again ToT).

The thing is. Every time I remember jjapanese, the Chinese word for things usually zooms right out of my active vocabulary and gets replaced with the japanese. This spring I played through several yakuza games and my japanese recognition and new learned stuff increased (I got to the point I kept forgetting how to converse in chinese and the japanese sentences were all that were fucking coming to me... 时间shijian was GONE and replaced with 時間 jikan ToT and nanren was replaced with otoko it was a mess, I truly couldn't remember something as basic as nanren ToT). But it just shoved my active chinese vocabulary right outta my brain - which to be fair, I was doing no chinese studying in the spring to KEEP it active.

Meanwhile, this past week I read 5 chinese stories and I'm going on 2 more. So my chinese active vocabulary I forgot this spring came right back, and now I can remember how to chat in chinese (which is good for particular personal life reasons at the moment) but that also means I blanked out on all my old japanese active vocab. Nanren replaced otoko, haizi replaced Kodomo, jiehun replaced whatever the fuck wedding was in japanese but I forgot. (I do notice my mental active vocab seems to replace the hanzi/Kanji cognates the worst, I think cause my brain just hates multiple pronunciations for a given character so it doesn't like conceptualizing multiple... which is part of why hanzi clicked so easy for me with their usually only 1-2 pronunciations, versus Kanji which I STILl fucking struggle to pronounce with their usual several pronunciations). So yeah, my chinese is great again rn... but just playing a game with japanese audio, my brain goes into overdrive trying to remember again lol.

I find it so funny. I find it so funny things can be so easy yet so hard. That u can learn more and be eons past where you used to be in progress, and then realize how much you still don't understand and must learn. Then you learn more, get aware of New things you never realized you didn't know, and the process repeats. In japanese I was OVER THE MOON last year when I realized I could read manga finally, without a dictionary! Then I was over the moon this spring, listening to Final Fantasys X audio and just able to actually PLACE each scene I heard, follow some of the dialogue meaning. Now it's fall, I've "progressed" and I pick up Guardians japanese translated novel... I slog through the intro character page, and realize just how brutally few Kanji words I know how to pronounce, how much I'm leaning on chinese hanzi knowledge to "guess" what I'm reading. I start playing some yakuza, and realize how HYPE I was in spring to understand "I'm going to get Oden, yeah he'll kill you, ikuzou etc" when now I hear a solid 4 words I don't know and get So antsy i can't grasp that part lol! That I realize now I can follow that daily life stuff so it doesn't blow my mind to understand anymore, it's not progress that blows my mind anymore to just manage to reach (though it used to), now I've moved on and my brain insists its Frustrating to not grasp new particular details.

It's just. So funny how it's both SO motivating to be on the beginning part when you feel you made a breakthrough and comprehend more! Then it's almost demotivating to realize the new things you Still Don't grasp and desperately want to (even though objectively it's a good thing - you're making more progress if this is happening). Funny what the brain gets happy versus frustrated over.

Which is happening with me for chinese too right now. At lightning speed! At the beginning of this month my brain was DELIGHTED I could read a novel in 2 days and know almost every word! OVER THE MOON I could grasp so much, when I've read stories fully before and Never Comprehended them with such detail as this week. And now, toward the end of this week? My brain is acting frustrated if I try to read and skip or guess an unknown word! Just 1-2 unknown words feel frustrating! When I know good and well I've seen 10-20+ unknown words a chapter in rhe past, ans EASILY read, grasped main idea, and enjoyed. I know that literally earlier this week, I read a story extensively and didn't know maybe 2-5 words a chapter, and it didn't bother me at all! But now it's the end of the week, and my brains going "Oh this feels so hard to read! It has a handful of vague words (that I could definitely guess if I put the effort into and aren't hard to quickly look up)". It makes me wanna force myself to slog through something MUCH harder, if only to remind myself it's not actually a big deal that should make me STUMBLE AND STOP if I don't remember 情致 and 感情s difference absolutely perfectly in a sentence. Or if i dont remember specifically how touch 触碰 and 触摸 differ. Lol its not a big enough deal to actually impede understanding of main idea, and yet now that it's the end of the week these "vague confusions" and driving me up a wall! Lol if I went and read 默读 or 杀破浪 without a dictionary I would quickly realize how much it doesnt fucking matter if I know the specific nuance, and I'd just be grateful to see words I recognize to help me guess all the words I DONT.

Anyway it's. Funny and ridiculous to see the process. How a brain doing something Super Hard acts like it's amazing to successfully understand, but a brain doing something reasonably easy is like "oh but I'm not doing it perfectly so I wanr to give up!"

I also watched 2008 ep 1 of Legend of the Condor Heroes last night in chinese only and uh. Nothing like some huge dialogue chunks of wuxia 4 hanzi wordings to remind me I don't know shit, I can follow a much more confusing story line to me than I think I can ToT. I followed it fine, though yeah it was a bit of a struggle. It reminded me I followed Word of Honor in chinese, and to be so Grateful word of honor was actually mostly fairly modern straightforward dialogue except for a few things Wen Kexing, Prince Jin, and the big sect leader said. Versus Legend of the Condor Heroes 2008 where the first maybe 20 minutes is all several fighters saying lots of 4 hanzi line phrases with just a little relief of action and direct sentences like Tie and Guo fighting and dying. Then finally it flashes 16 years forward and I was so relieved it was regular spoken kinds of everyday stuff again like shoot the black bird/save the white bird/my daughter X/etc is coming.

Anyway back to japanese! I yet again wanna go thru my japanese old audio glossika files. So I can know more of the fucking words I'm hearing in yakuza. Though, knowing me, the words I'm gonna pick up wouldn't even be in glossika. Like I doubt kill is in that course ToT, but I sure had to learn it to follow a lot of yakuza lines.

#rant #progress

[zyrafowe-sny]

for the fanfic ask game: 1, 2, 4, 15, 28

Tumblr ate my first attempt without saving a draft and then life (and AO3 downtimes) got in the way, so this is a kind of late response.  Here’s the original list of questions.

Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

So far I've only posted one shots that are less than 10k words (though I have two main series). A typical me-fic is in third person limited, has a sequence of short scenes connected by a common theme/idea, and has POV changes and time skips between scenes.

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Until For the Future came out, my fics were canon-compliant. I think I do want to write a deliberate AU someday and already have something in mind - just still figuring out scope.

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Ahahaha. I have a dozen or so fic plotbunnies running around in my head/my fanfic ideas doc in various stages of development. Immediately after seeing FTF I started on a Collector fic, but that stalled out since everyone in my family started dropping like flies the next day (and we’re still sick two weeks later). I’m having some trouble getting back into a writing groove, but hopefully I’ll get there and actually finish a WIP. 

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

Blood Brother - there's hardly any Hunter and Vee interaction on screen in canon.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

This question feels like a trap since I only got around to making a Tumblr because of the TOH fandom on AO3. For that reason, I am deliberately excluding TOH writers. 

amarguerite: She writes the best Jane Austen AUs, including the best Soulmate AU fics I've ever read. Her Jane Austen!Temeraire AUs are the reason why I started reading Naomi Novik's books. Her writing is always top-notch and it's clear that she does her research. I'm not familiar with all of her fandoms, but I did enjoy her Good Omens fics too.

dirgewithoutmusic: They write many one shot AUs for different fandoms, including Star Wars, Narnia, and Harry Potter. For obvious reasons I don’t engage much with HP these days, but dirgewithoutmusic’s trans!Harry fics are among the few I’d still recommend to people. I really like how their fics point out some of the flaws in canon and improve upon the canon (ie how Susan in Narnia was portrayed). 

magneticwave: I first came across an excellent Jane Austen modern AU of theirs pairing Mary Bennet and Harry Crawford.  Some time later when I was in the mood for Star Wars fic, I came across them again and recognized the username. They do a great job writing dialogue and blending humor with serious subjects.

#thanks for the ask! #fanfic ask game #ask game

[lokilysolbitch]

SYMBOLISM ART

hey bbygworls for anyone who is like me and did not fucking understand english class and symbolism i have a simple explanation

okay. light bulb. think what are light bulbs associated with. light. it helps you see. inspiration. ideas ("lightbulb going off above your head").

if you are writing or reading or drawing a guy who had an idea. maybe the guy will be under a light bulb. in writing, the author may say he is under a lightbulb. you will read is and say "why did they specify that?" if youre asking that, they probably wrote that in for a reason. the reason may be symbolism. if a guy is drawn in a dark room, and he is under the only light bulb in the room, OR if hes in a well lit room but the light above his is especially bright, it might be symbolism. if he is the only guy in the drawing standing under a lightbulb in a room with lots of lights, even if that placement puts him in an awkward placement in the drawing, it might be important. maybe symbolism.

okay. new word. break. what is that associated with. its violent. it could be loud, or accidental. lets compare it to snap. snap is a clean break. its quick. its contained. break, in comparison, is explosive. messy.

so we have the light bulb, symbolising an idea. what if the light bulb breaks?

the idea didnt work. it blew up in someones face. messily. the light bulb is broken? the idea is gone. its out.

so say you want to express in art that a guy used to have an idea, but it backfired bad. instead of writing "he had an idea and it failed", you might have your character get the news that his idea is going wrong, and a light bulb breaks above his head. ooh foreshadowing. you can draw a character with a concerned or disappointed or fearful expression reading over a plan or a blueprint and a broken light bulb is hanging above his head. in a poem instead of saying "my idea is bad. oh i am sad" you can say "light bulb broken, wires smoking"

there you go. i am sorry high school teachers try to explain this to you with old old books. it is hard to learn how to do this when you are busy the whole book translating things like knaves and joint stools into modern english. of course you will be less familiar with what a spindle symbolises. you have never used one and it is also 7 am on a wednesday.

okay practice question. what could a burning blanket symbolise

blanket- comfort, familiarity, warmth, childhood, home, protection (because kids feel safer under blankets)

fire- destruction, light, warmth but much more heat then a blanket, cleansing (in the way it burns everything until there is nothing. like a clean slate). its also associated with passion, creativity, or anger by a lot of people

with all these associations this could mean a lot of things but the first thing to come to mind would probably destruction of comfort, or of your childhood, or of your feeling of safety and what is familiar.

if you wanna REALLY get into it, you could say it is warmth and comfort, but to the point it gets so hot it burns and destroys itself. like the consequences of staying too long in your comfort zone. idk

you may have had other ideas for associations, and those aren't wrong if they weren't in the list. symbolism is subjective and you had a creative interpretation. sorry they take off points for that in school.

i very hope this helps you create and consume art. it hits different once you know WHY the artist put things in places. art gets much more magical, including your own work.

as always i did not proofread this

#art #symbolism #english class #english literature #art analysis #literary analysis #songwriting #creative writing #poetry #tagging this autism bc it was the autism that made this difficult for me to learn #autism #photography #film #cinema #artist #this really does apply to a lot of things #dreams #psychology #tarot #witchcraft #okay im out of ideas but there are probably more #my lightbulb is fizzling out

[billconrad]

Changing People

    One of the biggest challenges is to convince somebody they have a problem and support their transformation into a better person. Why is this so difficult? People like the way they are and hate confronting their faults. Plus, it takes deep personal effort to stop one mindset and adopt another.

    Some big issues include drug addiction, poor health, bad attitude, or obesity. I have been trying to convince somebody close to me they are depressed and have an empathy issue. This ten-year battle has had many painful confrontations, false promises, and no success.

    Yet… I can fix that quickly. “Sam was depressed, which concerned Lisa. The next day, she convinced him to turn his life around.” Wow, that was easy.

    Writers can change their characters in a few words with no consequences. Want to convince your best friend to lose weight? “Matt lost 100 pounds.” Done!

    Now, wait a minute. Immediate changes only occur in fiction. A biography or other truthful work would never gloss over the painful process of transforming a person. Nope. Authors jam excitement into every sentence, and a drawn-out change reads poorly. Hit me hard and fast. Wrap this change mess up in a single paragraph and then get to the good stuff.

    Is this fast change process realistic? Not at all. Then why do intelligent readers get taken in so quickly? When somebody opens a book, some magic happens. The reader knows the story is a story and allows themselves to become engulfed by the action.

    Of course, readers complain about awful or unrealistic plots but are always up for a new book. We never tire of book magic and will always accept characters that do not match real life. Plus, it is fun to dream. Perhaps I could lose 100 pounds just like Matt? (Side note. I would settle for 25.)

    Should readers be more critical? I would argue the opposite. Readers should be more open to new possibilities. Have you ever read a space opera, Zane Grey cowboy novel, vampire book, Danielle Steel romance, or even one of my books? Reading something outside our comfort zone can be rewarding.

    Should authors do a better job of making realistic characters? No, characters must be larger, bolder, stronger, and brighter. The act of changing a character is tedious, and readers crave excitement. Harry Potter can have a magic wand, which is physically impossible, like when an autobiography glosses over inappropriate activities and focuses on accomplishments.

    I find it fascinating that books have vast limitations and immense possibilities. Knowing that a writer can immediately transform a villain into a better person is comforting. How about the hero who overcomes their limitations? I wish it were me.

    You’re the best -Bill

    September 13, 2023

    Hey book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

    Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

    Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

    Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

    Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

    These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.

#writing #change #character development #life lessons

[straycatboogie]

2023/06/24 English

2023/06/24 BGM: Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.

It was a day off today. This morning I read Karen Cheung's "The Impossible City" with Blur's "Parklife". I guess that I had misunderstood about this book (or the place Hong Kong itself). TBH I had expected THE Hong Kong where people try to achieve their democracy. The place where is crowded with the atmosphere of tear gas and political demonstration. But this book doesn't show that kind of Hong Kong. I won't say that this book has no worth to be read by this fact. I have to think about this again because I could be trying to find "THE Hong Kong by various social media" and "THE Hong Kong I wanted to watch/enjoy". NO! I guess this author would say this. NO! The real Hong Kong, and the life in that town must be richer than that banal bias of mine. This book must be one of the best books I have read in this year. Yes, it is a great masterpiece. I have been attracted by her straight/honest words which describe her difficulties of life. It "knocks" my mind actually.

Influenced by that "The Impossible City", I look back to my youthful days (but not in anger). Ah, at that time I was really a idiot student. For me at that time, Damon Albarn from Blur was actually my hero. Almost everyday I had been into Blur's great albums. "Modern Life is Rubbish", "Parklife", and "The Great Escape". As you know, these are quite British albums. I can treat them as "Blue-eyed music", not any "funky/groovy ones" (of course, I welcome your different opinions!). Now I remember this... At that time, I could have these ideas in my "young and lovely" head as "Why was I born in this world as this kind of Asian one?", "Why is this town not London, Liverpool, or Manchester?", and "Heaven knows I'm miserable now"...At least, at that time I had NO interest in any funky/groovy music (Jazz, Funk, Hiphop) or world music (Reggae, Rocksteady)... I might blame myself too much. I believe that Damon Albarn could learn a lot from those sources of rich global music masterpieces.

This afternoon I went to the main house of my group home. There, I confessed about the failure of money management to the chief. I also talked about the "comfort zone". TBH I have a twisted mind so could feel comfortable if I was blamed terribly. If I am praised a lot (Ah, I can feel a lot of actual kindness from a lot of people on Discord, MeWe, and also my private life scene!), then I feel uncomfortable. I tend to think by that as "I am not such a great one". I can't accept that "praised" myself. "I must be a piece of rubbish", "I can be nothing but an idiot", and I do eat a lot or buy various things too much (my virtual self-hurt I guess). But this can't be any excuses. I want to "enjoy" those praising words... The evening I talked about this with a Russian friend of mine o WhatsApp. She taught me honestly as she had showed her braveness to attend various meeting. That's her important trial to go out of her "comfort zone"... I thought I should say farewell to my comfortable nest in my mind. I decided to go to another English meeting.

And this evening I enjoyed a presentation on ZOOM by a French translator and Rakugo (a traditional Japanese comedy) performer, Cyril Coppini. He has translated Gosyo Aoyama's popular manga "Detective Conan" from Japanese into English. He taught us how he had encountered the Japanese language. And he had learned Japanese literature and culture by ancient books, quested Rakugo's greatness, the reason why he started translating "Conan"... And at Q&A time I asked him as bravely as I could. "There are a lot of forms/styles of Japanese language. Ancient literature's one, Rakugo's traditional one, and manga also has funny one... Cyril san, what kind of Japanese language is your favorite?".  Then Cyril answered us that "I like Osaka dialect, But every Japanese form must be profound. I can't stop studying because of its depth". I thought it could be the same as my idea about learning English... Ah, today was a really grateful, happy day (Indeed I made a failure about money). About identity as Japanese, and how precious learning foreign languages are... I thought about them once again.

#diary #journal #english #online diary #tumblr diary #damon albarn #blur #karen cheung #the impossible city #comfort zone

[denisellhb]

First things, first

 Welcome all who have ventured my way today, I have recently taken up a venture of sorts that I didn't plan on taking. But, such is this thing called life, it takes us places we never dreamed of, if we allow it to. 

Which brings me right to my first point of advice for all willing to listen. 

Get off the internet, right now, stop reading my words and go find something much more productive to do with your life. You're welcome to come back & I sincerely hope you do. But, not until you have escaped the hold this place has on your mind, your body & your daily activities. Stop caring what people are doing, stop caring about what people think about what you're doing, keep those opinions, stories and observations to yourself for your own gain instead of handing them out to total strangers to utilize in their day to day life and make money. 

Your words, your life, your thoughts, your experiences in this life are valuable and we need to stop handing them out like it was Halloween, especially since no one said Trick or Treat, they just took.  

You need to put that bowl that is filled with little quips from your life back on the kitchen counter & start treating yourself. You're more worthy than you think you are & the only way to truly understand my words, is to try it out for yourself. No more free treats for them!

Your life never has and never will be lived by anyone else. The worlds deserves to know your story, a story they will never know if you just hand it out for free to whoever is around when you speak up. You may not make the top ten sellers list, we can't all be top sellers. But, I don't think we want to be, if I'm being honest. Our lives might be mundane. But, that word can not be used to describe us. We may have never been known to stand out from the crowd. But, our crowd sure has always stood out. 

So, from here on out, if you see something you want to talk about, write it down or create your own page to discuss these topics that pull your interest, start writing your life story until it falls into the places that make sense to you. Whatever you do, stop talking out loud on forums, in comments & on Twitter. {at least for awhile} When the pieces of your life, opinions thoughts & musings fall into place, they will do so under your own branding that you have control over & can maybe someday utilize to treat yourself better instead of someone else getting treated off of your hard work, the life you have lived.

Doing this, is how I ended up here. I sought out something I had never attempted before. I know what I have to say might not be much. But, it's more than what other people have, my experiences & I noticed one day that my stories and thoughts were worth more than being placed on an empty table for just anyone to pick up and take. Protect your worth, protect your stories, protect your opinions and create something more out of them than what modern day society has been offering us. 

We know we are worth more than this, we just have a harder time seeing it and this is where I come in, you've read my words, now go write your own.

Yes, I am talking to you, I know you're thinking 

"But, I'm not that special" 

"My life isn't interesting"

 "No one cares" You may not be Gandhi special or Cobain interesting and So what if no one cares, no one cares right now because you have surrounded yourself with people who don't care & that is reflecting back on you. Turn the opinions of others off for a week and you will find the people who do care once you step our of your comfort zone and explore past the walls you've built. Eventually you will find, the only persons opinion that honestly matters in terms of your life, is yours.

So go! Turn the Wifi off for the day, stop letting the internet distract & steal from you. Keep pencil and paper handy then sit quietly with your day then let your thoughts create something, a blog, a store, a book, a short story, a comic, a photo shoot or a painting. Find yourself again because growing up you knew who you were and what you were going to be. But, somewhere along the way society robbed us of those dreams and now, it is time to take them back. 

Until next time, 

Stay Strong Generation X we've got each others back, even if we all don't realize it yet. 

#Advice #Generation X #Gen X #Hello

[fairfieldthinkspace]

In Memory of Professor Matt Tullis

by Nicole Funaro ’17 

I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few days about Matt Tullis. My first encounter with him was when he guest taught a journalism class at Fairfield University prior to his eventual hiring. Despite the nerves that anyone would have guest teaching a class of unknown faces as part of your hiring process, what I remember was his passion for journalism, his energy, the way his eyes seemed to sparkle as he explained a topic he loved.

Luckily, he was hired, and I had the pleasure of taking his sports journalism class in my final semester as a senior. It was a small group, no more than 12 students in the class. And with the way Matt taught, it felt like we were sitting in his living room having a conversation about some of the best modern sports writing. Again, his passion, his energy, his spark shone through. He passed that energy and passion onto his students — he made us care and get invested in the writing and reporting process, he wanted us to push ourselves outside of our comfort zones and get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Better yet, he gave us the confidence to do that.

While I was his student for only one semester, I felt like I got to know him well in that time. Then again, he seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve. I remember the day someone in my class asked about the tattoo on his forearm that read, “Stories can save us.” I remember feeling so connected to that quote following his explanation, because storytelling and writing is where I found my voice. That line has stayed with me ever since.

When I read his book, “Running with Ghosts,” and later learned of his continued drive for running, it was part of what inspired me to lace up my own shoes and start running. Over the years, I’ve worked out so many stories or found the right words in my head while on a run.

To say he’s had an impact on my life in such a short time is probably an understatement. And I know I am just one of so many at Fairfield and beyond who feel lucky to have known Matt. To now be writing about him in the past tense is surreal — that passion, that energy, that spark seemed to know no end. His passing came far too soon. While right now my heart is heavy over his loss, I know now when I run, he'll be running alongside, if only in my memory. I’ll try to do you proud, Matt.

Nicole Funaro ‘17 is a former Fairfield University Communication and Journalism student.

Pictured above: (l-r) Nicole Funaro, Professor Matt Tullis, and Professor Tommy Xie.

#Matthew Tullis #Fairfield University #Digital Journalism #Nicole Funaro #Running with Ghosts

[carlisles-girl]

OMG UR CAIUS FIC WAS SO GOOD COULD YOU DO SOMETHING AB ARO PLEASE

a/n: Thank you so much! I’m very excited to write for Aro, he’s one of my favourite characters, more so because of Michael Sheen’s performance. I put a slight reference to something in this, you might catch it if you know other projects Michael Sheen has been in, but you might not, and that’s alright. Hope you enjoy <3

another a/n: I did put one or two feminine terms in this work, such as ‘mia regina’ which is ‘my queen’ in Italian, so do skip over it or replace it with something else if you’d like. I love writing this type of material in the middle of my classes, it adds so much adrenaline to not get caught.

-

Aro Volturi With A Human Mate

-

Instead of being angry and frustrated like Caius, Aro was more excited.

Like as if he was getting ready for a big party.

A human for a mate was inevitable for some vampires, of course, but Aro didn’t expect to be included in the some.

He was excited since it was rare for such high profile vampires to socialize with humans.

Aro often gushed to his brothers, excited to meet you, but also for them to meet you.

He wanted to host a ball for your welcome.

But Marcus noted that it would probably be slightly frightening for you to be in a room full of vampires.

Most of the vampires would look at you as if you were some sort of a snack.

Because it Marcus’ comment, Aro assumed it would be a greater choice to send an invitation to a tour of the castle.

Free of cost, of course.

When you had received the invitation, you were beyond excited.

An invitation to a tour of an ancient castle with endless legends, for free?

Absolutely.

The tour was the next day, so of course you were slightly nervous.

When the tour commenced, a very pretty woman named Heidi lead the tour group.

She began to speak of secrets of the castle, as well as secret corridors and legends.

Some things a normal tour guide would most likely have no idea about.

Heidi then looked in your direction, and smiled brightly at you.

“It’s very lovely here. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

Just when she had finished her sentence, she opened the doors where there were three men sitting in thrones, and what seemed to be 4 guards.

The man who sat in the middle, greeted everyone and began speaking greatly of the castle.

He had only stopped when he motioned for your tour guide, Heidi, to come forward.

She did as told, and held her hand out towards him.

You would have thought it was to greet him, but it seemed like he was concentrated, or zoned out.

“Magnifico! I will get Demetri to escort them.” (Translation: “Magnificent! I will get Demetri to escort them.”

A man who you assumed was Demetri, walked in your direction.

“Come with me, all will be alright, rest assured. However, do not look behind you.”

You went with him, doing as he said, but immediately turned around when the rest of the tour began screaming.

“What the hell was that?!”

Demetri just grabbed your wrist and brought you upstairs.

“Just stay in here, I’ve been instructed to keep you under my eye. Aro will explain everything to you.”

“Aro?”

“The man who sat in the middle throne.”

You nodded, and decided to sit on one of the window seats.

You wanted to ask Demetri as many questions as you wanted to, but you didn’t want to bother him, or disrupt him from his job.

When the door had opened and Demetri bid his farewells, you had turned around and saw Aro.

“You must be Y/n, correct?”

“Yeah, and you’re Aro?”

“I am, I assume you have a good amount of questions?”

You nodded, and Aro moved swiftly but smoothly towards the opposite side of the window seat.

“May I?”

“Of course.”

He sat opposite to you, and smiled slightly at you.

“There’s no need to be afraid of me, or the others. You’re the most safe you could ever be in the castle. I promise you, I will keep you safe.”

“May I ask why the rest of the tourists were screaming when I left?”

“I sense that that question should be answered later, appropriately.”

You were slightly frightened as to what the final answer would be, it could be anything.

Perhaps there was a reenactment of the past after you had been escorted, one of the tourists got pushed and the rest screamed since one of them fell, or the worst:

They were murdered.

“I feel like I already know what happened.”

“I sense that you do know, too. I will tell you everything in a moment. But for now, would you care to lend me your hand?”

You trusted Aro, though you were positive your ancestors were screaming from above or below not to trust him.

You held your hand out in front of him, and before he held your hand in his own, he asked for permission or something else.

“I want you to think of the happiest memory you have stored in your mind, I will describe it to you. I will not see anything else besides the things you want to show me, unless I have your permission.”

You thought of a memory, and then placed your hand in Aro’s palm.

He covered the back of your hand with the palm of his other hand, then he began telling you small details of your chosen memories you had even forgotten about.

When he was finished, he brought his head up from looking down, and smiled at your face of bewilderment.

“That is so cool! Is that like your superhero power?”

Aro smiled widely at your interest in his gift, and began explaining what his was.

“I have a gift, it’s called tactile telepathy. I can read everyone’s thoughts and memories with a single touch. The others in this coven have multiple different gifts, they help keep us safe.”

“So you’re all like superheroes?”

“Vampires, darling.”

After that, Aro enjoyed seeing your memories whenever you two were apart for some sort of time.

Especially say you were having a difficult time attempting to explain something to him, he would hold your hand and immediately understand what you were trying to say.

“I understand you, cara mia. I always will.”

And he was right, he understands you in every way possible.

Aro memorized your body language on how you react to different things, as well as your facial expressions.

When you’re uncomfortable with something, he will do absolutely everything in his power to make you comfortable.

Aro will burn down the entire world for you.

When it’s time for you to go to sleep, you best believe that Aro set up the most lavish and comfortable room for you.

The best and most comfortable bed, of course.

You lay down on his chest, and he brushes the hair out of your face, admiring your tired eyes looking back at him.

“Would you like for me to read to you, dearest?”

You nodded your head, and Aro would get up from wherever he was seated, swiftly retrieve a book, lay back down next to you, and begin reading.

He loved having you hold his hand while he read, it lets him see what you’re imagining the scene that he’s reading to you.

And when you fell asleep while he was reading, he would be so very content.

You curled up next to him, sound asleep on his chest.

Aro adored seeing what you were dreaming.

He loved how humans brains worked while they were sleeping, keeping your mind entertained with multiple little scenarios.

When you woke up, however, Aro would prefer to have you describe your dreams, if you remembered them.

He loved to learn more about humans, especially in the modern age.

And you loved to learn more about vampires, especially in the ancient times.

Aro would often tell you stories of each coven he encountered, his old family and friends, and his past human life.

As much as he wants you to be changed into a vampire like the rest, he can’t help but smile whenever you got slightly nervous around him, stuttering over your words, and hiding your face with your hands out of embarrassment.

He pays attention to little details about you.

Especially your eyes.

Even the shade of your eyes stops him from changing you. Your eyes wouldn’t be as unique anymore, they’d be the same red as everyone else’s.

“You have the most magnificent shade of colour in your eyes, mia regina. I simply cannot get enough of them.”

Being absolute best friends with Demetri.

But wherever Demetri was, Felix wasn’t too far behind.

You three are like a troublemaker trio, always causing trouble and pulling pranks on different members of the guard.

Never Jane or Alec, though. Unless it was a scheduled board game night or something along the lines.

Which Alec loved to take away different players senses, allowing him to cheat in the games you’d play.

He doesn’t do it all the time, though.

Marcus was a lot more welcoming towards you, perhaps more than anyone else.

Whenever Aro couldn’t, he’d show you different areas of the castle you hadn’t seen yet, and would give you wonderful pieces of advice along the way.

“Remember to stay true to yourself, never let anyone think for you.”

Aro will spoil you insanely.

If you mention a specific piece of clothing even once, you better expect that when you wake up the next morning, Aro has an elegantly wrapped package placed at the foot of your bed with a note written in fine handwriting.

“Mia amato, I have seen you speak of this article of fabric, and I have gone out of my way to make sure you have every little thing you admire. I need you to be the happiest you can possibly be. Please accept my gift, and meet me by the gardens by noon. I’ll see you then. Cordialmente, Aro.”

You two have annual walks throughout the garden, usually during golden hour. The sun still above, but setting at the same time, making it seem like Aro was made of a trillion Tiffany Yellow Diamonds.

He loved finding a flower that suited your mood for the day, and putting it behind your ear.

“My beautiful.”

You two often walked either arm in arm, or hand in hand, but sometimes you would hold him closer with your arm wrapped around his waist, your head leaning on his side or shoulder.

Often times, when the moon is visible, you would slow dance together, looking at each other with smiles on your faces, just appreciating each other’s presence.

Usually, Aro would come back into the castle around 2 in the morning, carrying your sleeping self up to your shared room, after you had fallen asleep on his shoulder while sitting in the garden.

The rest of the kings and guards would be predominantly more happy than from before you had arrived.

You had given Aro something to look forward to after trials and mountains of work, something he didn’t have for hundreds of years.

Though, Caius was still slightly jealous of you.

You had practically stolen one, if the not the most, needed member of the vampire world. Aro was nearly as focused on you than he was on trials and legislature.

He’d warm up to you eventually.

At least, you hoped.

Speaking of trials, you wanted to sit in and watch the trials, to see what it was about, and how it worked.

You knew the most of it, of course, Aro had already told you. But you wanted to see it live.

Aro was quick to say no, he didn’t want you to get hurt, or worse, killed.

He understood what would happen to him if his mate was killed, Marcus was the example. He couldn’t even bear the thought of you not being by his side.

Though, you owning the key to his heart, convinced him to let you watch, letting both Jane and Alec stay on either side of you, protecting you if anything were to go wrong.

You would usually sit on Aro’s lap, and then the throne when he had to see what was truly going on by using his gift.

Jane usually stood on the left of the throne, and Alec on the right.

Mainly since Caius sat on the throne in the left, and Jane loved to torture the criminals.

He loved the front seat view.

Constant look backs of reassurance to make sure that you’re alright.

Nearly always having your hand in his.

Forehead kisses.

Constantly bringing the back of your hand up to his lips.

Getting the absolute best care in the world, health wise especially.

When Aro proposed, it was in the bedroom the both of you share, and he was reading some poetry to you.

All was going swell, and then he got to one page.

“I can write no stately poem

As a prelude to my lay;

From a poet to a poem

I would dare to say.

For if of these fallen petals

One to you seem fair

Love will waft it till it settles

On your hair.

And when wind and winter harden

All the loveless land.

It will whisper of the garden,

You will understand.”

At the end, you were leaned up closer to him, looking at him in awe.

He closed the book, and placed it aside gracefully, before leaning slightly closer to you. Placing his hands overs yours.

“Do you remember who wrote that, cara mia?”

“I do. That’s Oscar Wilde, right?”

“That’s right. There’s so much I want to say to you, especially in this particular moment, but I don’t think there’s enough words to express my love and affection towards you. I’ve known you for a little while, and I can feel the bond between us, and I know you can feel it, too. The universe has guided us together, and I am so very thankful for every second we have spent together, and I’m even more thankful for the rest of eternity we have. However, I am the most thankful of the fact that I have the most gorgeous human as a mate. I love you so much, anima mia. Will you do me the best thing that could ever happen to me in my thousands of years, and marry me?”

You said yes, obviously, who wouldn’t?

You leaned over to press your lips against his, as he held one side of your face with one hand, and the other hand slid a ring on your ring finger.

While Aro wanted an extremely lavish wedding, with all the diamonds in the world, you wanted something more of a homely essence.

So you compromised, and had a bit of both.

Aro invited nearly every vampire to the wedding, wanting to show you off in every way he could.

The Denali’s, Cullens, Irish coven, everyone was invited.

Except for the Romanian coven, Vladimir and Stefan. Not trusting them to be in your presence.

The wedding was held in the garden, the arch where Aro stood had your favourite flowers intertwining around it, with diamonds pressed in the centre of each individual flower.

Demetri walked you down the isle, smiling proudly when he handed you over to Aro.

Proud that his leader had finally found true love, and that one of his best friends is finally where they need to be.

After the official wedding ceremony, the rest of the night and day were spent smiling and showing off each other to the guests.

When the night ended, it was finally time for you to be changed to a vampire.

Aro sat by the bed were sitting on, making sure that you were absolutely ready to be converted to a vampire for the rest of eternity.

“Are you ready, my darling?”

You nodded your head, and Aro took one final look into your coloured eyes, attempting to remember every small detail of them.

Aro then moved your hair away from your neck, before placing his lips over where he would finally bite down and turn you immortal.

“Just say when, and I’ll see you after.”

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