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wu-sisyphus-gang · 15 days

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Nora: Ren has been quiet. You talked to him. Didn't you.

Jaune: We had a chat.

Nora: Really?! Well maybe I deserve to know what it was about. It is afterall, affecting our ability to talk to each other.

Jaune: It was about you.

Nora: *gives a fake gasp of shock*

Jaune: Don't play dumb. I told him how I got with Ruby. I told him she really made the first move.

Nora: You think I'm not making moves?! I'm making moves over here.

Jaune: He said he was scared.

Nora: Scared of what? Isn't it obvious how much I love him?

Jaune: How should I know.

Nora: Now you're really being unhelpful and I suspect you're doing it on purpose. He has no reason to be afraid of me. I love him.

Jaune: He's confused.

Nora: Does he think I'll abandon him or something. We're all we have. No offense.

Jaune: None taken.

Nora: No! I meant we're all we have to each other. No! I meant-

Jaune: Really it's fine.

Nora: So what does he have to be afraid of? I'm willing and I know from listening to him in his sleep he is too.

Jaune: He's scared of ruining what you already have.

Nora: Of course we'll ruin what we have right now. That's the point. Besides, we'll never have what we have right now again. That's how time works, I think.

Jaune: Thanks for the panic Nora. I tried to tell him something similar.

Nora: Ugh you probably told him something about having his cake and eating it too.

Jaune: I really don't think I did. There are just some anxieties mediocre dudes have which beautiful girls don't.

Nora: I knew it. You told him something sweet and now he isn't seizing the day. I want to be seized, Jaune.

Jaune: Have you tried just kissing him?

Nora: No but I've tried everything short of that. Should I?

Jaune: He wants to kiss you. You want to kiss him. Just use some late night in your room. What are you waiting for? Tell him to come to you and you know he will. He's just scared.

Nora: It's not that easy. *sighs* He's not the only scared one. I'm scared too. Besides are you really okay with that? Sure it's not Beacon so there's less drama but you'll be the odd one out on JNR.

Jaune: Seize your guy Nora. He wants to be seized by you.

Nora: *giggles* You're bullshit Jaune. You cheat.

#nora valkyrie x lie ren #rwby #rwby incorrect quotes #jaune arc #ruby rose #lancaster #renora #motion sickness

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dragonking10 · 1 year

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Sun was sitting down at a table holding a pack of ice on his groin

Sun: Ow! I think I broke something in my pelvis.

???: Atleast yours isn't fried

Sun looks over and sees Oscar with burnt marks all over and hair still stcking up with several icepacks over what he sees is scorch marks all over his groin.

Sun winced: Oof what happened to you?

Oscar: Well let's just say sex with an android in the shower was NOT a good idea.

???: If you think that's bad

They turned to see Jaune rolling to them in a wheelchair they can see him wearing a cast all over his lower body from the waist down.

Sun: Oh God! The hell happened to you?

Jaune: Ow! Well my newly wedded wife decided to use her semblance on me.

Oscar and Sun winced

Oscar: Oof

Sun: Damn!

Jaune: Yeah it also didn't help that when I was trying to use my aura to heal my pelvis, I accidentally aura amped her semblance.

Oscar: As long as I've known her I never thought she'd be a bit perverted.

Jaune deadpanned: A bit? A BIT!?!? You have NO IDEA how perverted she really is, it's like she's all innocent and naive around everyone but whenever she and I are alone together it's like her personality turn a 180 from an innocent naive little angel to extremely perverted badmouthed little demon.

Sun: I'm afraid to ask, but how perverted are we talking?

Jaune: Let's just say that Ruby knew every single perverted methods that could even put professional porn stars to shame.

They winced even more

Sun: Shit. How long were you two at it?

Jaune suddenly looked tired

Jaune: Five . . . Fucking . . . Days . . . STRAIGHT!!!!

Oscar: Ouch.

Sun: Holy hell! How are you alive?

Jaune: Pure fucking luck. Anyway what the hell happened to you two?

Sun winced: It was Blake's heating cycle.

Jaune: Oof

Oscar: Yikes!

Sun: Yeah even my clones was not enough to satisfy her.

Oscar: I got burnt

Jaune: You'd think Atlas would've made her waterproof

Oscar: Oh she is, it's just that Penny forgot to turn off a little security system her father installed to keep perverts away.

Jaune: Ouch.

They heard some kind machine coming close so they turned to see Ren in a full body cast except the head riding on what seems to be a mechanical wheelchair rolling to them and stopped next to Jaune.

Sun, Oscar and Jaune: . . .

Ren: . . .

Jaune: Nora?

Ren nodded: Nora.

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darksaiyangoku · 6 months

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RWBY: Grim Tales

The Crow

Ren brushed his fingers over the pictures of his wedding day. Everyone looked so happy. In the background, Sun and Neptune were trying to sneak off with the wedding cake, with Blake and Weiss trying to stop them. Yang had Sage atop her shoulders, while Ruby and Jaune were holding hands. Standing in the middle were he and Nora, dressed in a fancy Romulan suit and beautiful Mistrali gown. His heart ached on the day she died. The assassin, Tyrian Callows, was still at large. Ren trained for days on end, but it was no use. Somehow, Tyrian would always get the best of him, beating him within an inch of his life. Ren looked at the window and could see the rain pelting outside. He slowly walked over and placed his hand on the glass, closing his eyes and praying silently.

[Oniyuri]

A drunken couple walked along the path after a night of drinking, stumbling and tumbling over the dirt.

Sora: Maaaaaan... thish rooad ish sho wobbly!

Yukari: Ish like a snnnake *laughs and snorts*

A gravelly voice sent fear into the air and Sora and Yukari gripped each other tight. The sound of hooves scraping along the ground made them shiver. Suddenly, Yukari vanished.

Sora: Y-Yukari? Y-Yukari! Where are- *gasp*

Yukari whimpered as her neck was caught in the grip of a Grimm and no ordinary Grimm at that. It was in the shape of a horse, with the torso of a thin horned creature protruding from ifs back. It hissed and screeched, causing Sora to fall to the ground.

Yukari: Sora please help me! I don't wanna die.

Sora was too paralysed to move. All he could to was panic and watch as Yukari was about to die. Suddenly, the Grimm was knocked down from a frenzied flash of pink, freeing Yukari. Sora immidiately stumbled his way towards her and held her in his arms. The Grimm rose up from the ground and tried to strike at the couple, but found its arm caught by a stray hand. The couple gasped as someone was now standing between them and the Grimm. She had short, orange hair, was dressed in a black bomber jacket, wore black shorts and boots and had a white painted face, with black lips and black eye shadow. She looked at the Grimm and smiled sadistically as she broke its hand. The Grimm howled in pain. The stranger leaped towards beast and mounted onto the horse, grabbing it by the neck. She gripped tighter and tighter and, gritting her teeth in frustration and glee.

SNAP!!!

Within minutes, the Grimm fell to the ground and crumbled into ash. The stranger landed on her feet and walked the path, turning briefly to give a warm smile to the distraught couple. She looked up and saw that a crow was flying above her, seeking out her next target. It had been a year since she had died, but her thirst for vengeance was strong. Strong enough to bring her back to life to settle her score against the one who killed her; Tyrian Callows.

Nora: You'll be dead soon, Tyrian. *clenches fist* You just don't know it yet.

#rwby #grim tales #rwby grim tales #halloween #nora valkyrie #lie ren #renora #rwby renora #renora rwby #nora x ren #ren x nora #nora valkyrie x lie ren #lie ren x nora valkyrie #the crow

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ludibriadormonoteista · 2 months

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Lie Detector

Nora: Hey guys! Guess what I just found in the dumpster! *Slams Device on the Center Table* IT’S A LIE DETECTOR!

Ruby: Wow, really?!

Jaune: Does it still work?

Weiss: *Scoffs* As if. It was obviously thrown out for a reason.

Nora: Oh, is that so? How about we play a little game to test it out?

Ren: Maybe we shouldn’t-

Weiss: HMPH! I humbly accept your challenge. Do your worst, Valkyrie.

Nora: It’s on, then! First question: Have you ever spied on Jaune while he was hitting the showers?

Jaune: HUH?!

Weiss: Wha- What kind of question is that?! Of course not!

BZZZZZT!

Blake: So it does work.

Yang: HAH! Off to a great start, Ice-Queen.

Weiss: T-That doesn’t mean anything! Never in my life have I-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: Fine, I admit it! I accidentally had the displeasure of peeking on Arc ONCE!

BZZZZZT!

Blake: Just once?

Weiss: Okay! I might have run into him a few more times-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: A couple more-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: A dozen-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: Dozens-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: I did it close to a hundred times! AT BEST!

BZZZZZT!

Jaune: *shook*

Ruby: Why does it keep getting worse?

Weiss: ALRIGHT, I CONFESS! I PEEP ON HIM EVERY TIME HE’S IN THE SHOWERS!

BZZZZZT!

Pyrrha: You too? Eh-! I mean-! What?!

Weiss: OKAY, YOU GOT ME! I LIKE TO GO THERE WHENEVER HE’S NOT TAKING A SHOWER JUST TO IMAGINE HIM TAKING ONE! BUT ONLY SOMETIMES!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: AGH, SCREW IT! I DO IT EVERYDAY! IT’S ALL PART OF MY MORNING ROUTINE!

BZZZZZT!

Ren: I think we heard enough-

Weiss: FINE, IT’S ALSO PART OF MY NIGHTTIME ROUTINE!

BZZZZZT!

Yang: Geesh, you’d think someone would've taken a picture.

Weiss: I WOULD NEVER-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: I HAVE 735 PHOTOS KEPT DIGITALLY STORED IN MY-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: ALL THE PHOTOS ARE IN FILM AND I PAY A GENEROUS SUM TO VELVET EVERY MONTH SO I CAN REVEAL THE PICTURES IN HER SECRET DARK-ROOM BECAUSE I FIND IT ESTHETICALLY MORE PLEASING! THERE! HAPPY?!

…

Nora: Looks like you’re telling the truth. Good job, Weiss! How do you feel?

*THUD*

Nora: …Alright, who’s next?

#rwby #rwby shitpost #weiss schnee #jaune arc #whiteknight #weiss x jaune #jaune x weiss #nora valkyrie #ruby rose #lie ren #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #pyrrha nikos #This was definitely not plagiarized from youtube shorts- BZZZZZT!

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superiorsturgeon · 5 months

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Showing Affection

Blake: …and then Yang actually picked me up and carried me through the puddle! 🥰 It was so romantic~!

Yang: *flexes her arm* 😁

Weiss: Ruby actually managed to contact the cake chef my family employed in Atlas and made my favorite when I was having a difficult day. It was the most wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me!

Ruby: *blushing a bit, but proud* 😊

Nora: Oh yeah? Rennie made me a whole stack of heart-shaped pancakes! He didn’t even cut them to shape, he made them look like that in the pan!

Ren: 😌

Blake: Does Jaune do anything romantic for you, Pyrrha?

Pyrrha: The other day at lunch he sorted all the most tightly-curled curly fries out of his order and gave them to me!

Blake/Weiss/Ren: …uh…that’s nice?

Yang/Ruby/Nora: *all crying* 🥹 That’s the most romantic thing we’ve ever heard…! 😭

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moistmailman · 4 days

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*yang kicks down JNPR’s door*

Jaune, alarmed: Whoa?! What the hell is going on?!

Yang, angrily: Get dressed vomit boy! We got to kick someone’s ass today!

Nora, immediately up: Hell yeah! Let’s go!

Jaune, baffled: Wait hold on! What’s happening?! Why are you angry?! Wait is that your team behind you!?

Ruby, with her weapon: Yep! We’re going to kick someone’s butt today!

Jaune: Why? Wait, even Blake and Weiss are here too?

Weiss: We need to break some bones, Jaune.

Blake: This honestly has to be done.

Ren: Uh….what’s happening exactly?

Yang, showing Ren her scroll: Look at this shit!

Ren, looking at scroll:……..Nora, where are my weapons?

Nora: Hell yeah! I don’t know what this is about but this is going to be amazing!

Jaune, completely: Okay, this is not like Ren at all. What the hell got all of you guys riled up so bad?

Yang: This! *shows Jaune her scroll*

Scroll: *a website that has a countdown to Pyrrha’s 18th birthday*

Jaune:……is this like the scenario with the twins from full house?

Yang: Yep.

Jaune:…..do you know where this person who made this is?

Yang: Yeah.

Jaune:…….Nora, pack as many grenades you have.

Nora: Woohoo!

Pyrrha, walking in: Hey guys. What are you doing?

Yang: Oh nothing. Just grabbing your boyfriend and your team to do something for your birthday. Catch you around.

Pyrrha, smiling: O-oh, okay. What are you planning?

Yang: We can’t spoil that. It’s a surprise.

Pyrrha, smiling: Right. Okay. Have fun.

Jaune: Oh don’t worry. We will.

#rwby #pyrrha nikos #jaune arc #arkos #Pyrrha x jaune #yang xiao long #nora valkyrie #lie Ren #ruby rose #blake belladonna #weiss schnee

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reashot · 10 days

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Red Like Roses... (It's period 🔴)

Warning: fluffness inside. Also really long.

At Beacon during a more peaceful time.

Pyrrha: Hmmm it's quiet, too quiet.

Ren: I agree. It's never a good sign. We should be ready for something.

Jaune: Ready for what?

Nora: Oh you know usually things never stay quiet for long especially when we're right next door to the main characters.

*yang burst into the room*

Pyrrha: And speaking of the devil.

Yang: Quick hide! *brace the door behind her*

Jaune: Oh Shi- okay gangs we trained for this! Quick initiate Pattern Delta Phi.

Nora: Aye, aye dear leader, let's initiate plan hiding under our bed's like cowards.

JNPR: *Bracing for Impacts.*

*Yang holding the door with all her might*

Ren: Wait what are even hiding from in the first place?

Yang: No time to explain. Here it Comes!

A large sounds resembling explosion came from across the hallway. The door starts to violently shakes and rose petals soon violently burst into the room. Even with Yang putting all her strength into the door. Some rose petals still managed to get inside.

Yang: .... I think we're in the clear now.

Pyrrha: What just happened?

Yang: Eh, promise not to freak out?

Jaune: Okay, I guess...

Yang: Good enough. *shows team JNPR the source of the roses*

Ruby: Huee~ *sniffs* huee~ 😭

Jaune: Ruby?

Ren: It seems to be her.

Pyrrha: Wait. Where are Blake and Weiss?

Nora: Found them. They're buried under all of this Rose petals.

Blake: *coughing up a bunch of petals* Eww I got some of it in my mouth.

Weiss: .... I just saw my grandfather.

Jaune: Okay, can someone now please tell us what is going on....

*Cardin burst into the room*

Cardin: Why the Fuck are there Roses all over the damn hallways!?

Russel: Don't try to lie we know it's coming from team RWBY!

Yang: Wow, wow! False accusation, much?

Dove: Well we can't help it. Because whenever something bad happened It's usually always you four.

Sky: Fucking Main characters shit...

Nora: I know right!

Pyrrha: Nora! Which sides are you on?

Nora: Oops my bad... (I mean, I'm not wrong 😒.)

Ren: *shrugs his head* Nora...

Jaune: Can all of you please stop being aggro for just one second!

You're upsetting Ruby for brother's sake.

Ruby: Wah! Wah! Wah! 😭

Jaune: Also can someone please tell me what just happened?

WBY: *looking at each others*

Yang: *sigh* (I guess I'm the one that should tell everyone.)

How do I gently put this? Ruby is in her special time of the month...

Jaune: Oh...

Cardin: The fuck does that even mean?

Russel: the month?

Dove: I see... (Maybe if I silently nod people will not think I'm dumb.)

Sky: (okay, she had her period. What does that have to with anything?)

Blake: Typical.

Weiss: Can you guys be anymore of a dudebros cliche?

CRDL: Hey!!!!

Yang: Let me put it this way. Every time Ruby has her "special month" her semblance's goes all haywire for some reason.

Jaune: Okay I get the gist of it. Team CRDL go outside and clean the hallway.

Cardin: What! Why the fuck should we clean up their mess?!

Jaune: Because I fucking said so. Now go!

Cardin: Geez... Whatever. C'mon boys, we better clean up team RWBY's mistakes. Again!

*slams door*

Blake: Thanks Jaune.

Weiss: Geez Arc, when did you grow a spine?

Yang: I gotta say Vomit Boy. I never knew you had it in you.

Pyrrha: *blush* (So manly.)

Nora: That's our Jaun-Jaun.

Jaune: Blake, Weiss. Please help Cardin & his team with the clean up outside.

Weiss: What! No way. Why should we help those dunderheads in the first place.

Jaune: Because they're right that the mess was started by your team.

Weiss: I'm sorry, our? For the record it's just Rub...

Blake: We're on it Jaune. C'mon Weiss let's help clean up all this roses. *drags Weiss away*

Jaune: Pyrrha, Ren, Nora. I also want you to go out side and help them.

Pyrrha: I understand Jaune. I will do as you ask.

Nora: Oh c'mon Jaune, why us too?

Jaune: Because they're our friends, Nora.

Nora: Well I'm about to go back to my room... *gets yoinked*

Ren: It's okay Jaune. I will get her to help us.

Nora: *grumble* (Fucking Main characters....)

Jaune: Thanks Ren. And Yang I want you to stay and find Ruby's "hygiene" products.

Yang: Wow, wow! Settle down cowpoke. I don't think you being a man is qualified to be the one to help with Ruby's "issue."

Jaune: I have seven Sisters...

Yang: Sweet brothers in heaven!

Uh, I take that back you're clearly overqualified.

At least I don't have to help clean up. But what're you going to do Jaune?

Jaune: I'm going to go back to my room to make a tea for Ruby.

A few minutes later.

Jaune: Here you go Ruby. A sweet herbal tea with plenty of honey and sugar.

Ruby: ... *sniffs* Thank you Jaune. 😢

*sips*

Jaune: It's okay Ruby you don't have to thank me.

Ruby: But I caused so much problems for everyone. *sniffle*😞

Jaune: *headpat*

There, there Ruby it's okay that what's friends are for. And you didn't troubled me one bit. In fact I'm happy to be of use to you. It reminds me that I'm still useful to someone.

Ruby: Jaune please don't think like that. You always were important to everyone.

Jaune: *kiss forehead*

It's nice of you think that Ruby. But I'm not. I'm not special like you. You're destined for great thing while I'm.... Just me.

Ruby: 0-0

Jaune: What's the matter... Ohhh, ohhh no. I'm so-so sorry Ruby I didn't realize that... I usually did that to my little sister whenever she's sad.

Ruby: *blush*

I-I don't mind it at all Jaune. It's just that if you want to do it to me again a little heads up would be nice. 😖

Jaune: I'm so-so sorry Ruby I promise that I... Wait, what do you mean by again?

Ruby: Uhh....

Yang: *clears throat*

I seems to have interrupted something here.

Jaune: Y-Yang!

Ruby: Sis!

Yang: Look Rubes I don't need to say this but remember what dad said. No boys. And Jaune please don't take this the wrong way but please for your sake please don't get any idea with Ruby. It will not end well for you.

Jaune: O-of course. I will never-ever think of Ruby like that. We're just friends after all.

Ruby: Friends... 😭

*starts crying*

Jaune: Oh, what's the matter Ruby?

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zexapher · 2 months

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A Fond Farewell

With Rooster Teeth beginning its draw down, an era has truly passed. The company has lasted more than two decades. 18 (soon 19) seasons, five mini-series, and cameos and references in Halo itself for Red vs Blue. 9 volumes alongside two movies, a chibi series, Ice Queendom, and its own games for RWBY. And so much more beyond that, RT Shorts, podcasts, Achievement Hunter, The Slow Mo Guys, and on and on. That’s a lot, especially for a little startup launching off a web series. I was listening to “This Isn’t Goodbye, It’s See You Later” by Richie Branson while I was making this little memorial post. It’s a song made for another Rooster Teeth show, Camp Camp, and I have to say it’s some very appropriate music for this moment.

The day the news dropped, I wrote up a little comment in response to Rooster Teeth beginning its closing down, and I thought I’d share some of it here. I grew up with Rooster Teeth, a bit of a cheesy line I know, but it’s true for a lot of us. I was just a little kid way back in the early 2000’s, a kid that liked Halo (a game I didn’t even own for a long time, but played at a friend’s house), and was just getting curious about what I could find about it on YouTube. And that brought me into the world of music videos and skits and montages made for that little game I liked.

From there, I discovered a small web series called Red vs. Blue. I’d sneak onto my folk’s computer to watch it since they didn’t appreciate the language, and in doing so I dipped my toes into the wide world of the internet for the first time. As I got older, I eventually hopped onto Reddit for its discussion threads of Rooster Teeth’s latest show, RWBY. I began my first in-depth fandom interactions, speculating about the show, enjoying the flood of fanart, even got into fanfics about RWBY (those fics have had their own amazing evolution alongside the show) and to this day it’s the fandom I’ve followed and bookmarked the most fics from. All the while I was making friends and bonding with people through the community this company and its shows have created.

Watching the shows and people grow over time was, looking back on it, just like watching myself grow. I was never really a social media/internet kind of guy, until it came to Rooster Teeth. The shows, shorts, podcasts, it all opened up a whole new world for me. It’s sad to see it coming to a close, and I hope it gets picked up in the future. But I’m happy, too, that it’s left so much behind, and had such an impact on me. It’s left me with so many good memories. Rooster Teeth, its shows, those that created and worked on it, and above all the community around it will always have a special place in my heart.

So, I bid a fond farewell to Rooster Teeth and its crew, and anyone who may drift away from the fandom in time. I wish you all the best.

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rwby-encrusted-blog · 3 months

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Goddess!Nora: Be not afraid ...

Jaune: Would.

God!Ren: ... Be more Afrai-

Jaune: Would.

#jaune arc #nora valkyrie #lie ren #renorarc #jnr #martial arcs #nora's boys #nora's arc #rwby shitpost #source: pseudostars #source: twitter/x

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brokentrafficknight · 2 months

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Ren sees it at Jaune is surrounded by different women and is happy that he doesn't have to deal with the same problem. Little does he know that Yang and Nora are standing right behind him, ready to claim him.

#rwby #rwby shitpost #jaune arc #ruby rose #pyrrha nikos #penny polendina #lie ren #nora valkyrie #arslan altan #yang xiao long #arculus rift #lancaster #arkos #sunflowyr #renora #ren x arslan

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arc-misadventures · 7 months

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Fathers Day Letter

Beacon Academy lunchroom, and everyone is looking over the mail they have each recently received.

Ruby: Ohh! Dad sent me something!

Yang: Me too, wonder what he sent me.

Weiss: Oh? My sister sent me a package, I wonder what’s in it.

Pyrrha: My mom sent me a care package~!

Ren: I got a parcel in the mail: I hope it’s those tea leaves I ordered.

Nora: My magazine is in! YES!!!

Blake: Yes! The latest book in the, ‘Ninja’s of Lust’ series!

Ruby: COOKIES!!! He sent me cookies! Yayyyyy! (Nom,nom,nom,nom!)

Yang: Save some for later, Rubes. Now lets see… Awesome! He sent me the bike polish I use for, Bumblebee! I forgot it, when we left! I’m gonna have some fun spreading you on tonight~!

Weiss: Oh? ‘Dear sister, I lost a gentlemen’s wager, and they requested several signed copies of your latest album. Since I assume this would be no problem, would you kindly sign these copies, and send them back to me. Love, Winter.’ This is rather… unexpected.

Yang: Are you going to refuse her request?

Weiss: No, this should only take an hour to do. What did you get, Pyrrha.

Pyrrha: Cookies, chocolate, and some beauty products from home, nothing much really. Did you get your tea, Ren?

Ren: Yep; I’m looking forward to having these later.

Yang: What magazine did you order, Nora.

Nora: ‘Pancakes Illustrated’

Weiss: Excuse me?

Yang: That’s not what I think it is, is it?

Ren: Well…

Nora: Ohh yeah~! Let that butter run off you, you naughty girl~!

Yang: UHHHH?!

Pyrrha: Don’t ask.

Yang: Okay…?

Blake: And, you say I’m the depraved one…

Ruby: Isthat… (Gulp!) Is that a father’s day card, Jaune?

Yang: Wait, what?

Weiss: Excuse me?

Pyrrha: You’reafather?!

Nora: I’m an aunt?!

Jaune: Oh, yeah. It’s just a little joke card really. My sisters see me as the father figure they never had, so they send me this as family joke.

Pyrrha: Oh thank gods…

Yang: Oh, so what’s the joke, I bet it’s pretty funny!

Jaune: Well… It’s kinda funny… in the shear ridiculousness of it.

Blake: How ridiculous is this?

Jaune: Well, lets start at the beginning: My family consists of me, my older sisters, Saphron, and Thiriana. My mother, Juniper, my grandfather, Álkimos, and lastly my father, Evinder, or simply, Evin.

Pyrrha: I thought you said you were an only child?

Jaune: I’m the only son, I have lots of sisters though.

Pyrrha: Oh okay. Please continue.

Jaune: So when I was three years old, my father disappeared while out travelling. We had no idea what happened, my mother was so distraught that she begged my grandfather to go find him. So, my grandfather who is a, Huntsman, who also loves his daughter very much, went out to find him.

Ruby: Did he find him?

Jaune: No. He spent two years trying to find him, but he found no trace of him. However, a year later, when I had turned five, my grandfather was in another town a ways away from where I lived. Then town was attacked by some, Grimm. Luckily there was only one casualty. That one casualty was where things got interesting!

Weiss: What happened?

Jaune: Well, my grandfather went to the woman, her name is, Isleen, a snake faunas with beautiful blue, and gold tipped scales. And, she had three daughters: Luna, and a pair of twins named, Angela, and Janette, ages two, and one. And, she told him that her husband was missing, my grandfather asked what his name was, and she said his name was, Gregory. She then showed him a photo of him, and my father was left gobsmacked! He had a new hair cut, and a beard, but he knew very well what the face of his ‘deceased’ son-in-law looked like.

Yang: Wait, what?!

Weiss: He wasn’t dead?!

Blake: And, he abandon your mother?!

Ren: Along with you, and your sisters?!

Pyrrha: And, started a new family with another woman?!

Jaune: Yep. He wasn’t happy to say the least. Then, my grandfather showed, Isleen a photo of my mother, me, and my sisters, and my recently ‘deceased’ father, Evinder. She did not take it well that her husband was not who he said he was, and seeming abandoned her, like he had done with my mother really, really hurt her. So, my grandfather decided to take her, and her kids back home. To live with me, and the rest of my family.

Blake: Was your mom okay with that?

Jaune: Eventually. She didn’t like that her father brought some random woman, and her kids home with him. But, she understood why grandfather invited them to stay with us. I mean, learning that their husband was living under false identities, and had married two separate woman, and had kids with them, and abandoned both of them. They had plenty of things in common together to bound with one another.

Yang: I’ll bet they did.

Jaune: Shortly after that, my grandfather was called to deal with a missing person report in another town. So he went there, and this woman asked if he could find her missing husband…

Weiss: Don’t tell me. He looked like your father?

Jaune: Same hair cut, and beard, just with thick rimmed glasses.

Blake: Given years apart you’d think he’d come up with a better disguise.

Jaune: Yeah… about that… The wife, a silver fox faunas who’s name is, Evenora, had two daughters with, ‘Stavon,’ their names were, Luna, and Carol.

Weiss: Hold old were they?

Jaune: One, and two years old. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but you need to understand this… Isleen, and her family lived about two weeks away from, Evenora, and her family.

Yang: I don’t get it.

Blake: So he didn’t go far this time when he faked his death again.

Ren: Wait, they lived two weeks of travel apart? Oh gods…

Pyrrha: What is it, Ren?

Ren: He was married to both of them at the same time… He was double timing them wasn’t he?

Jaune: Bingo bango bongo! You are right on the money, Ren!

Ruby: Wait, what?!

Weiss: You’re kidding me right?!

Jaune: Nope: He was double timing the two of them by being the cheating bastard that he was. He was a travelling sales men, so he two two weeks to travel between the two villages, stay for a month with one wife, then when back, and lived with his other wife for a month. And, he did that for over two years

Yang: You’re fucking kidding me?!

Jaune: Oh gods I wish.

Nora: What happened next?

Jaune: Well, my grandfather showed her photos of the two other families he abandoned. Needless to say she was absolutely devastated by this news. Now, my grandfather would have stay with her, and consoled her through this, but he was only missing for about three days. He needed to find him before the trail turned cold. So he hunted him. Now you gotta understand my grandfather is a vindictive monster; he was absolutely pissed when he learned he abandoned my mother, and, Isleen, he was fucking furious when he learned learned he did it a third time to, Evenora. So, he was after him like a bloodhound.

Weiss: Please, pleassssse tell me he found the cheating bastard, and made him payyyyyyy!

Blake: You’re really getting into this.

Weiss: This fucker makes all the emotional abuse my dad put me, and my family through feel like school yard bullying.

Yang: Same. My mom may have abandoned me at birth, but this. This is fucked up!

Nora: I can relate with them…

Ruby: You can?

Nora: My mom abandoned me. So, know how it feels when a loved one abandons you…

Pyrrha: She what?!

Jaune: It’s okay, Nora, we’re here with you know, and we’re not going anywhere.

Nora: Thanks, Jaune.

Jaune: My pleasure. Anyway, my grandfather did find him, or more precisely what was left of him.

Blake: Did a, Grimm get him?

Weiss: Fuck yeah!

Yang: That sounded so wrong coming from you.

Jaune: Well, yes he was dead. But, I’m not sure if a, Grimm did him in.

Ren: What makes you say that?

Jaune: My grandfather is an extremely experienced huntsman. He’s seen plenty of peoples corpses that are the result of a, Grimm attack.

Weiss: So you think he killed him, and made it look like a, Grimm attack?

Jaune: That, or my grandmother got to him. She is really protective of her family, and can really, really, really hold a grudge. She’s still upset with her ex… Anywho, after he, ‘found’ his corpse he took, Evenora, and her kids with him back to our home.

Ruby: Where they live as a happy family all together!

Jaune: Eventually.

Weiss: Let me guess, they had some difficulties getting along together?

Jaune: Mom was upset as it was that he left her, and three kids all alone, but even more so that he did that to two other woman, and their five kids too. She was absolutely angry from all of this. Sadly she took out her anger, indirectly mind you, on them which was making them angry in turn at each other even more so.

Pyrrha: And, what about you, how did you handle all of this.

Jaune: Well, I never really understood what my dad did until I was older. But, I was happy. I wasn’t the youngest child, and I now had five younger sisters! i was the older brother I always wanted to be. My, Mom thanked me for being the older brother that I was, loving each of them unconditionally as I did. Because I did this, it showed my mother that she was being petty, and mean to the other woman for things they did not do. So, she managed to fix, and even improve her relationship with the other mothers. They used to sleep in three different rooms, then after me, and my older sisters found the three of them in the same bed, all cuddling against one another they started sleeping like that ever since. Now I’m a brother with two older sisters, and five younger sisters, a loving grandfather, and grandmother, with three loving mothers, and I couldn’t be happier.

Blake: That sounds beautiful.

Pyrrha: I’m glad this had a happy ending b

Yang: That sounds lovely, but how does this relate to you getting a fathers day card?

Jaune: Oh, because I was the ‘man of the house’ I tended to look over, and protect my younger siblings. So I became the ‘father figure’ they never had.

Ruby: Awww~! That so sweet!

Pyrrha: You are a really nice brother, Jaune.

Jaune: Thanks. But, sadly this resulted in all of my younger siblings in developing father/brother complexes with me, just like it did with, Nora…

Yang: Pfft! Hahahaha! You’re right, Jaune; in the shear ridiculousness of it all, that is quite funny.

Ruby: Your family is quite something, Jaune.

Blake: I could make so many stories with this as a basis…

Yang: Settle down, Bla…? Wait, Nora? Do you have a brother/father complex with, Jaune too?

Weiss: You’re kidding me, right?

Nora: Y-Yeah… I do…

Pyrrha: What?! How did that happen?!

Nora: I couldn’t help it! He runs his fingers through my hair to comfort me when I have nightmares, and he gives me goodnight kisses on my forehead before I go to sleep. It’s really nice.

Yang: Do you seriously do that?

Ren: Yeah, he does that almost every night, it’s really nice to see.

Pyrrha: How come I’ve never seen this before?

Ren: You’ve been asleep whenever he does it.

Pyrrha: But… I… Jaune! I want goodnight kisses too!

Jaune: Okay.

Pyrrha: Yes!

Jaune: So, anything else you guys wanna ask about my families.

Blake: Yeah, so, Jaune, if you’re in the mood, do you want to pretend to be my daddy, and give me a good spanking because I’ve been a bad girl?

RWYJNPR: …

Jaune: No.

Blake: Naww…

Weiss: How about me instead?

Jaune: Excuse me what?

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