#oh god why am i being a character from a high school tv show even though im 24 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

downtherabbitholewithlucy · 1 year

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“I was 12 years old when I started playing guitar and I mowed lots of lawns. I still haven’t gotten good. I’m not a good musician. That’s why I wear what I wear on stage to cover up for why I’m such a terrible guitar player. So they’ll [the audience] go “Oh look, look what he’s wearing!” and they just go “Look how, look how weird that guy looks!” and then, and then they go “Wait a minute, we didn’t even check if he was playing.” ”

- Wes Borland

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SPIN Magazine: Why create such an elaborate spectacle?

Borland: It’s like ritualistic war paint I’m the cherry on top, the sore thumb that makes the band stick out. I don’t fit in and that’s just what makes it work. I don’t think I can ever go back to wearing normal clothes on stage. It’s totally a mask, something to hide behind. It’s really easy to get confidence when people aren’t looking at what you are in the mirror every day. I get self-conscious. And if I can shroud my whole body behind a façade. I feel great knowing there’s a shield to deflect any humiliation I might feel.

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Guitar.com: You tend to wear bizarre costumes onstage and those wild, black contact lenses. What's the deal with that?

Borland: It just covers me up as much as possible so I don't ever have to ever show all of myself. I've always been into collecting masks and wearing masks onstage. It's more fun for me because I draw and do a lot of art work in the band. It just makes it more fun to be able to do it on myself just to try to turn myself into different characters. To look like an alien or something. I think it makes it more fun for fans too.

Guitar.com: Do you enjoy being a celebrity?

Borland: [Our singer] Fred [Durst] loves it. But I just don't think I'll ever be able to understand the whole human being worship aspect of it. People going, "Man, you're a guitar god," and I go, "Where?" And I'm glad that I'm making an impact on some people's lives, but I'm the kind of person who would rather be respected for what I'm doing than who I am. The masks and costumes are a way of avoiding all of that.

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The Believer: Did you always dress up onstage?

Borland: Yes. I went to an arts high school, and had always been interested in sculpture and painting and drawing. Guitar kind of became a hobby of mine, and I had seen David Bowie and Kiss and Alice Cooper and Marilyn Manson—even GWAR—and so when I started playing in garage bands I started doing little things onstage that were nothing more than a mask or minor makeup, because the stage seemed like such an opportunity to do something outrageous. And it kept growing and growing and growing. When Limp got signed, that changed my aspirations from being in fine art. Being a musician was the job I didn’t expect, and I ended up going, “How can I incorporate this?”

The Believer: By the time we saw you on MTV, you had incorporated it. The makeup was not minor.

Borland: Well, I was bored. There’s so much downtime on tour. I ended up going around and finding thrift stores and costume shops in towns, spending whatever per diem or money I had on makeup and lipstick, and I started putting outfits together. And as the band gained more success—like, suddenly I didn’t have to carry anything or tune my guitars—I had more resources for stage outfits, and I started thinking about the show all the time.

The Believer: On TV you seem to have two personas. The polite, uncomfortable guy on camera feels different than the bunny monster, whose energy is both very aggressive and very engaged.

Borland: It’s what allows me to have that power. And I’ve noticed that the more elaborate the costumes got over the years, the more they developed into characters, the more I felt like someone else. It’s like pulling on a shirt, but having the Superman symbol underneath. There is also a very different character I have in Black Light Burns, my other band. I grow my hair and mustache out, and wax the mustache and then paint it on even bigger. I’ll wear period clothing that looks like Bill the Butcher. But in that band I’m the singer, so I don’t wear any contact lenses, because I feel that takes the audience away from me. When my eyes are dead and black-looking, I lose a connection with people who are looking at the singer to connect with the band, so I won’t do that.

The Believer: How did your bandmates feel about playing hard rock/ rap with someone dressed like a vanilla gorilla?

Borland: At first I tried to get the other guys to dress up, too, but they didn’t want to do it, so that sort of became the thing in Limp Bizkit—you’ve got a bunch of guys who look like normal dudes, and then one guy who dresses like a space alien or a zombie. But soon I started getting into more-serious art and artists, then started going to the opera. I went to The Damnation of Faust that the L.A. Opera put on, like, eight years ago, and was just thrilled by the costumes. So I started researching opera-costume makers and stage makeup, and it just built and built.

The Believer: Your costumes never seem to connote just one thing, like one thing that’s scary, one thing that’s ironic. What comes to mind right now is the Technicolor lounge-singer phantom who’s not wearing any pants.

Borland: Oh, yeah! The prom outfit. The hair for that is made of feathers. But all the characters come from what effect I want to put out. That’s the main thing: everything onstage has to make me feel, in some way, tapped into this little-boy thing, where I want to be a superhero or I want to be a warrior. I want to be filled with all this energy that comes from tricking myself into thinking that I’m more powerful than I am, or have more confidence than I would be capable of in normal clothes. It’s just becoming a monster in some way, and that helps me go out in front of ten thousand people and act like I own the place.

#i will never stop being fascinated by his abundance of creativity #people like wes that are so creative in many different forms and the things they come up with from their inspirations and imagination #are so interesting to me #and his reasoning behind it all is so honest and genuine. I feel like a lot of people can relate to it #but unfortunately most people slap on the freak or weird label and moving on before giving themselves the chance to really understand and #realize that they can relate to a thought process such as this #anyways i'll get off my soap box now #i just want an ounce of wes' creativity #Wes Borland #Limp Bizkit #nu-metal #Black Light Burns #down the rabbit hole

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gooseymacleans · 7 months

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OH MY FUCKING GODDDDddddD it’s so joever hhhhoooo ok speedrun the other stuff bc this is gonna be longg: fuck the blond man ok whatever he’s dead fuck BJ he’s dead whatever Rosemary can go live her best life somewhere away from evil husbands girl idcccc. the laughing ceremony was v cute finally some happiness. The guy they casted to be Joe’s dad is like a top 10 casting choice of all time go casting director. and Gordo is still a funny son of a bitch love him.

Ok here we go🫡

Chee going to say goodbye in uniform (yay!!!) too and saying how good she was at her jobbb and the HAND SIZE COMPARISON like hell yeah peak high school crushing behavior!!! and the kiss/ mini make out sessionnn like girl was that not enough to convince you to stay either????? like ok you’re stronger than me ig😵‍💫 And let’s be fr rn let’s not pretend like he didn’t think about rejoining the police just so he could be around you, in hopes you would stay. Like I knowwww he says it’s bc she left the force and Joe could use a hand but come onnn. And the shot of them leaving in different directions like ok I’ll go die in a ditch now got it thanks!

Ok the fucking Joe and Bern scene god🫠here we go🥹I was already feeling emotional bc of the hug but literally as soon as Joe called Bern his DAUGHTER it was so fucking over for me tears running down my face LMAO. Like if that happened to me i would unpack my shit right away sorry for even applying for the job in the first place. I know from actor interviews and whatever that Zahn and Jessica see their characters relationship as father-daughter, but to HEAR IT??! In the episode??!!??? Literally said, “oh my fucking god it’s so over” to my TV screen dkkdndhsjak. Also,,,, Joe just lost another child (luckily not to death this time!) and he couldn’t do anything about it, and what if he feels guilty by inadvertently pushing her to leave even more by killing Vines. What then???? i’m gonna lose itttt. And If anyone ever confirms he was trying to say “I love you” or “I’ll miss you” to her or smth at the end of his “Daughter, I-” before getting cut off by Bern saying “I know” I will actually be in that persons walls. When is it his turn to be happy! They didn’t even show a proper goodbye btwn them either and you KNOW they had one bc he would have had to have given her the feather at some point (SOBs) like if you’re gonna make a sad ending make it as heart wrenching as possible at least give us all the sad and crying and hugs gOD😭😭.

And not to mention, her whole talk with Joe about how she was in denial about how the world works didn’t convince me she needs to leave?? If anything the opposite?? maybe there is a nuanced way to show her on the job doing good on border patrol and being treated well but idk🫥. Like you said, I feel it would come across as super booklicker-y. And yeah she works BP in the books but does she really have to in the show? (I’m coping here) Maybe they could do a commentary on the border and how her working as a native woman there would have been. And then bring her back somehow? I don’t want her to come back fully defeated but at the same time I also don’t want the show to undo her development in gaining the courage to try to find her way on her own…. But get your ass back to the rez rn lmao I’m not joking around xoxo I am the director, lead writer and EP now haha

IMO this whole will she won’t she thing really feels like the writers were trying to have this big overarching decision with a super emotional ending (since Joe’s arc ended pretty suddenly with Blondie dying and him making Vines march into the desert on a whim), and while it was emotional it just didn’t make sense. Like it didn’t make sense before but it’s worse now😭. And obviously they want to move Bern’s character towards the books ig, but why? Why now after 2 seasons. Especially when Joe and Jim aren’t going anywhere and have their own books to go off of too. Like does she get some side border patrol plot every season now? Do they make the most unlikely circumstances where she can go help Jim and Joe? Do they try and adapt multiple books simultaneously despite them most likely not having much interconnectedness? I don’t know. They had such a good thing going with incorporating her character into the Tony Hillerman books as a TRIBAL police officer. And it’s like they wanted her to have this choice to make that’s really influenced by her surroundings and experiences, but in the show you don’t get any of that. Everything she goes through feels so contradictory to her decision. She’s finally back on good grounds with Jim, ok time to leave. Joe is off the walls but also being more of a Dad to her than ever, oh he’ll be fine he can handle it (can he tho). I promised Dean I’d look after his family? And I was an inspiration to him helping people on the rez? Nvm!!

That’s a *very* overdramatic and overgeneralized explanation of it but you get it I hope. Even her comment about not being able to do anything about Vines makes zero sense to me because does she think border patrol would let her fucking execute him for what he did??? Or that border patrol would lock him in a pit with no communication so he can’t get off on bail😭??. Originally watching I legitimately thought that this was the shows way of completely removing Bernadette from the story bc Jessica was done with the role, but that’s confirmed by the director to be not true. (silver lining yay!)

I have faith in the writers to do a good job with Bernadette’s character but I’m selfish and just want my silly tribal police trio back together asap!! They did not have the best little I-would-kill-for-you/ hyper-competent-coworkers/ found-family dynamic the three whole seconds they were all on screen together for them to kick Bern out!! Anyway, bring on season 3 AMC renew it already I am outside your office with a pitchfork!

(Also, its been super fun getting to rant in extremely long asks to you this season about this show, so thank you for the space to do that! Dark Winds def has its ups and downs but I love it so much and hopefully we get many seasons to come!)

apologies for such a late reply </3 i've been mostly on mobile and i wanted to give this ask my undivided, desktop attention since there is so much to chew and munch on here MWAHHH ^_^ thank u for your patience <33

what a solid season finale that felt like closure but also made me want to chew on drywall bc jimbern nation won but at what COST....crunching the numbers and doing the math we have GOT to get them back on the menu it's the most in demand at the restaurant. the hand comparison scene carried more romance than anything made in the past century like i am being sooooo serious that scene made me MELT and tear upwith a smile on my face like woaghhhh......love is REAL and i am witnessing it firsthand. ngl, sorry to bern but i would've sttayed for jim i am not like other girls sorry feminism :/ AHHHHHHHHH I DIDN'T CONSIDER THOSE IMPLICATIONS I AM PUNCHING THE AIR AGAIN NAURRRRRR.....he literally came back for her....she made him believe in himself again....don't look at me i'm processing my grief :( the parting of ways did make me cry i shan't lie it was teww much they pulled that rug from right under us and you expect us to be normal about it? girl!!!

that daughter mention made me FREEZE like i nearly dropped my shit bc omfgggggg that's my FAMILY. i'm still trying to wrap my head around why bern would apply for another job outside of the reservation like, she talks about it but to me it's just....it's not compelling? LIKE not to undermine her but couldn't she make changes in the job she's in as well?? does she not know what the border patrol does..........do you tell her or should i? goshhh, why do people keep leaving joe this is UNFAIR. not to play this card but if we didn't get a heart wrenching farewell from one of the most important people in her life, then this is how bern can still return in season 3...HELPPP don't make me fall into that rabbit hole. you are so right, like, she is such a well beloved character so if you're going to send off one of the main protags of your show, you send them OFF y'know?? unless you're like...supernatural....WELL,

thank you for picking up that other topic i slightly touched up above. it just...doesn't make sense at all. if the writers are trying to reason themselves on how to get rid of her, this is simply not it </3 never read the books but damn, can't believe she's still a class traitor after this time. then again, what did we expect from a copaganda show? nuance? you are soooo fucking hired we don't need a resume nor cv you take over at the amc studios. you fundamentally understand the complexities of bern and are able to support reasons on how her story can still add richness to the main storyline. writing her off completely would be a huge disservice to her character like if we don't even get updates throughout s3 or any mention of her journey,,,,,someone will have 2 answer to us. i really want them to continue following bern and i am getting scared that it's a possibility that they're now going to just focus on jim and joe. don't get me wrong, i love those guys but like....i also really love bern c'mon sign my petition everyone.

shows that deviate from the original story's plots can either make or break that show. i understand that they only have a short season with 45 minute episodes but that's when you make every single second count. every decision about how a character develops is a make or break thing with these types of shows. when they made bern leave the reservation, it feels empty. what for? if she has so much to do there? why now? when everything seems to align for the better? that's something that i probably can't really get past. jessica girl stand UP for bern you give her the voice and you can continue to protect it !!! i know it can be beyond their reach but a girl can only dream...hmmm...gosh, could you imagine if we got the trio back in action again? OHHHH i would start licking walls and jumping up and down. i really hope this wasn't like the final end to bern since there are a lot of shows that write off great characters like they meant nothing to anyone. the news of a confirmed s3 has my heart aflutter but also praying the rosary omfgggg i really do hope it's a sexy as hell season. and you are SOOO welcome :) this space is ALWAYS open to talking, venting, ranting, and babbling about anything, babe like i am here on the couch listening intently and watching every single hand movement and head nod. can't wait to do this again when the new season drops....yes, i do think we will all still be on this web sight in 2024 and 2025....,

#ask #sorry for the read more it got....lengthy #long post

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spikeghost · 1 year

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Teen Wolf 1x03/1x04

Nightmare!Allison has a hell of a low kick

Him turning is always so damn dramatic.

They don't even get a day off for murders?

Holy shit. They actually brought the Black girl from the pilot back. She even got a line again. I really want her and stiles to interact again.

Not Lydia being secretly smart. I know Holland couldn’t relate.

I know it's the werewolf shit but Stiles being that involved in Scott's dating life is suspicious (gay) as hell.

I do like Scott's relationship with his mom

The music is so loud

Cops leaving a crime scene unguarded. How big a town is Beacon Hill supposed to be?

Yeah i still don't buy Allison and Lydia as friends. They look like they can barely tolerate each other.

Is Lydia gonna sexually harrass Mr. Argent?

They're doing a great job enforcing this curfew /s

Knowing the show won't really acknowledge Kate raping Derek takes most of the tension from Derek's scenes with Chris away. Hopefully they'll at least acknowledge her killing his family

So hunters are just assholes to be assholes?

Must be a tiny town if Melissa can afford a house this big as a single mom (i was told the fandom has agreed she got it in the divorce)

I really wanna see the hale house before the fire. It looks like it was nice

Ok My Chemical Romance! Love me some turn around and die music during a fight

I hope they play Teenagers next. It would be appropriately on the nose for this show

3 episodes in Tyler Hoechlin is becoming a bit better

These episodes go by very fast when i don't press pause every 2 minutes out of embarrassment

I love that Melissa McCall, upon seeing her son's bedroom empty during a curfew, instead of checking if her son is in the house, just sighed, said "it's above me now" and moved on. I love that woman

Should we consider werewolves as a captive species since they adhere to the alpha, beta, etc pack shit?

Kate!???

Does this man know his sister's a pedophile? Cause i got beef if he does (he does not know)

Stiles is being weird about Scott fucking

Why is that man's first instinct when dying to go to the local high school? Again, being weird!

Jackson is entering the "find out" portion of this story. Finally.

This episode is surprisingly decent so far.

STAY AWAY FROM HIM GET A JOB!

Props to Jill Wagner because she is leaning HARD into her character being a creep. Looks like she understood the gravity of what Kate did more than the writers

I had to paus the episode for a couple hours cause Scott was taking his damn time gathering the damn bullet and hovering over Kate's pack he was stressing me out/pissing me off.

I hate when a show does this thing where everybody is dumb and does the stupidest thing possible to build tension that doesn't really feel like tension but just feels frustrating to watch.

The episode was doing so good up until now... at least as good as this show can.

Oh my god why is he so slow???

I swear to god this scene feels like it's 5 minutes long and not just because i took a 2 hours long break in the middle of it.

Pretty sure that's not how sepsis works... maybe that's how magic sepsis work.

Not they're already at the arm-cutting stage. How about you wine and dine a bitch first?

How is Scott even able to function? Like he has got to be the dumbest TV character i've come across outside of a sitcom.

i am stumped trying to figure out how he even survived long enough to get bitten

mind you, I have watched 7 seasons of Charmed OG and 1 and a half season of Charmed 2018, from the age of 10 up until now. I am rewatching Mutant X this month. I KNOW stupid fucking characters, I was shaped by them, and that boy still takes the cake

And I feel bad because I really like Tyler Posey, he seems like sweet guy who wants to do good and do his best but he just doesn't have the chops to elevate the godawful material he has to work with. At least not at that point in his career.

And I hate it because I want him to be successful and fulfilled and to be able to get out from the shadow of this show and do interesting things.

#Teen Wolf #Pack Mentality #Magic Bullet

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tsukishimas-shortcake · 3 years

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Relationship Headcanons

↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader

↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read

↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)

↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.

So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,

One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys

The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them

Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.

The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries

You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels

You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you

Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age

You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so

But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,

That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school

You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest

You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare

You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder

“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.

The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood

He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think

Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare

“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again

Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.

She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family

You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you

The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense

Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.

The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.

How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.

It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.

So enough with first meeting time for the confession.

He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv

The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze

So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you

Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.

You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features

“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches

You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.

You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.

And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.

Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now

He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did

He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him

Is he even allowed to be this happy?

He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him

He’s touch s t a r v e d

Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such

But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)

He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help

One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)

Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home

Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school

Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)

We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor

He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room

The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood

Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.

You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"

He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.

NSFW

super fucking careful w you

almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding

He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it

Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad

"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.

pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious

despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher

but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.

Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't

like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.

in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.

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alphadaddyderek · 3 years

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Dude, just get out! (we both live here dumbass!) (sterek fic, smut, college au)

Stiles was initially excited to go to college. The freedom aspect of it in particular is what Stiles was the most excited about. Don’t get him wrong, he loves his dad, of course, he does. He didn’t mind living with him, he liked seeing him on a daily basis. He’s all Stiles has. Well, Stiles has Scott, but Scott is attending university in Arizona of all places. Meanwhile, Stiles is going to NYU, so, there’s not a lot of opportunities to see Scott or his father in person.

Not to fret though! Stiles was ready like Freddy to meet new people and, hopefully, make new friends along the way. That’s what college is all about. Supposedly, Stiles wouldn’t know but if all the movies are to be believed then that’s what college is all about.

He and his dad spent days driving up to NYU and then spent hours moving Stiles’ belongings into his off-campus apartment and unpacking. Stiles got a full-ride —thank god— so there’s extra money for him to be able to live in an actual, nice apartment instead of the dorms. His roommate was nowhere to be seen at the time, but that was fine with Stiles. He’d have plenty of opportunities to get to know him. Stiles’ dad left to stay in a hotel for the night because there was no way he was starting the trek back to Beacon Hills this late in the day. So, Stiles was left to his own devices in his new apartment.

Well, he was for about twenty minutes, then his roommate came back and...he’s kind of a dick.

He has a resting bitch face and he hardly likes to talk. Stiles doesn’t know if it’s because the guy doesn’t like him or if he’s just the quiet type. He’s starting to think that the guy doesn’t like him because every time Stiles starts talking he looks annoyed. The dick’s name is Derek and coincidentally, he also goes to NYU. He did tell Stiles his major, but wouldn’t tell Stiles what his favorite color was, which is just plain rude.

Anyway, Stiles isn’t going to let this Debbie downer ruin his college experience, no way!

Stiles decides the best thing to do is to just ignore him. Which is hard to do because the guy takes up so much space, like, he’s actually huge. And he always seems to be in the apartment when Stiles comes back from classes. Which is weird because, dude, don’t you have classes to go to? Nonetheless, he’s always there which means Stiles has to see him all the time and Derek can continue being an asswipe for no reason.

For example, Stiles sometimes forgets to wash the dishes —sue him!— and Derek will chew him out for it. Stiles didn’t know Derek was such a neat freak, but now that he knows he’ll leave more things laying around because Stiles can also be a dick when he wants to be. Maybe Derek should learn to be more personable, then Stiles wouldn’t have to go out of his character by doing such petty things. They’ve only been living together for about a week and a half and there’s already a turf battle going on. Stiles isn’t sure who’s going to win this battle, however, the sight of Derek tripping over one of Stiles’ shoes and the subsequent curse that flies out of his mouth makes Stiles not even care in the end.

--------------

After about a month, it's way more than just a battle. The turf battle has evolved into a war and now, no one is safe.

Derek continues being yucky and Stiles continues to do things to intentionally annoy him, except, now Derek is doing things to annoy Stiles. Like, eating all of Stiles’ Pop-Tarts or, and this is a cruel one, flushing the toilet while Stiles is in the shower. Unfortunately for Stiles, Derek buys gross ass healthy food for himself, and Stiles couldn’t choke down that food to save his life. So, what can one do to even the playing field?

Derek is sitting on the couch in the living room, watching some show about underwater caves. Stiles normally wouldn’t stick around because, despite what Derek might think, Stiles really doesn’t enjoy being talked down to by an abnormally grumpy man. This time though, Stiles sits down beside him. He can see Derek watching him from the corner of his eye, probably waiting to see what Stiles is going to do. Stiles likes to instill fear in Derek. Normally he acts like Stiles is nothing more than a bug he wants to squish under his overly expensive boot, but now? He’s worried. He should be. Stiles is going to pull out his ultimate weapon.

“So, whatcha watchin’?” Stiles asks, plastering a smile onto his face.

Derek gives him a suspicious look. “Why do you want to know?”

Stiles shrugs, smile still present. “I’m curious. This show seems interesting.”

Derek gives him an incredulous eyebrow raise, which is super insulting. Derek thinks all Stiles watches is Harry Potter, Star Wars, and superhero movies. Which is just wrong. But that’s okay. Stiles thinks all Derek watches are documentaries about how to be a functioning human in society, which, newsflash Derek, still needs working on.

A few minutes go by before Stiles decides to speak again. “So, you haven’t told me about your family.”

“That’s intentional.”

Stiles laughs. Derek thinks he can scare Stiles into leaving him alone. Unfortunately for Derek, Stiles has zero self-preservation skills.

“Come on Derek. We’re roommates. Don’t you want us to get along?”

Derek didn’t dignify that with a response —rude!— so Stiles speaks again.

“My dad is the sheriff of my hometown. Been that way for as long as I can remember. My best friend, his name is Scott, wants to be a vet. He goes to The University of Arizona. After that he’s not sure where he’ll go to get his DVM but he’s open to anything.”

Derek turns the volume up on the tv and Stiles bites his lip to stifle his laughter.

Ah, Derek. That won’t help.

“At first I was kinda skeptical about Scott becoming a vet. I mean, he’s a puppy himself, and I love him to death, but sometimes he’s ditzy. He’s a ditzy brunette. But after working at Deaton’s, Deaton is the town vet, for years he’s proved me wrong,” Stiles risks a glance at Derek and he’s scowling so hard Stiles is kind of afraid it’ll get stuck that way forever. “He and his girlfriend, Allison, are kind of having issues with long-distance but they’re high school sweethearts so I’m confident that they’ll work through it. They’re so cute together that it’s actually kinda nauseating. Like, sometimes their sappiness makes me sick to my stomach. I wonder when they’ll get ma-”

Derek abruptly stands up and walks out the room, slamming and locking his bedroom door, as if Stiles is the boogeyman who he’s trying to keep out.

Stiles snickers and grabs the remote to change the channel. Derek gets annoyed when Stiles talks, well, he shouldn’t have started this war then (it doesn’t matter that technically Stiles started it). Stiles has weaponized his ability to talk people’s ears off. So, Derek better watch out.

Hopefully, Derek won’t murder Stiles in his sleep.

--------------

Okay, so, Stiles thinks maybe this whole turf war thing is getting out of hand.

It’s been a total of 3 and a half months since they’ve been living together and Derek and Stiles are on edge around each other 24/7. Stiles has to shower around eleven o’clock at night so that Derek won’t burn him alive by flushing the toilet. Derek doesn’t have access to Stiles’ snacks anymore because Stiles hid them in the back of his closet. Derek stays in his room all day just so that Stiles won't have any opportunities to talk to him. They’re at an impasse, but Stiles has a feeling that the worst has yet to come.

A really bad feeling.

Stiles comes back from a particularly grueling day of classes to see Derek sitting on the couch...and he’s smirking.

That doesn’t bode well for Stiles.

“Hello, Stiles.”

“Uh, hey dude. Why do you look like a supervillain?”

“‘Cause I have a surprise for you.”

Yeah, that definitely didn’t sound good.

“Actually, I am a-okay. I really don’t need the surprise. I appreciate it though,” Stiles tries to make his way towards his room but Derek keeps talking.

“I normally don’t snoop through people’s things, it’s really not in my character, but after you left to go out last night, I heard some weird noises coming from your room. I was trying to ignore it at first, but after a while I went to see what it was. I was going to mention it this morning but you woke up before I did and by the time I had woken up you were already in class.”

Stiles had stopped in his tracks but he still hasn’t turned around to face Derek, because if Derek is going where Stiles thinks he’s going, Stiles is going to need to be able to book it into his bedroom as soon as possible.

Derek didn’t seem too perturbed by Stiles’ silence since he continues with his story. “Imagine my surprise when I found out that it was your laptop making that noise. Now, I wasn’t surprised by the fact that porn was playing, but what I was surprised at-”

Oh god.

“-was that the video you were watching was titled ‘bear fucks twink with huge cock’. And now I can’t help but question your hatred towards me.”

Stiles’ face is burning. He’s never been so embarrassed in his life, which is really a great feat because Stiles doesn’t get embarrassed by much. It’s not that Stiles didn’t notice Derek was hot, like, come on now, Derek is gorgeous. He’s not that much taller than Stiles but the size of his biceps? They’re easily the size of Stiles’ thigh. Derek is bigger than Stiles in every aspect.

Well, he’s not sure about every aspect. Stiles has never seen Derek’s dick outright, but he’s seen him wear sweatpants, and ooh boy, that bulge gives Stiles the impression that Derek is hung like a horse.

Stiles still hates Derek because Derek still has his asshole-ish ways. Case in point: right the fuck now. But, you can hate someone and still want to fuck them, right? Hate sex exists.

Derek is patiently waiting for Stiles to respond, and Stiles has never been good at staying silent, so it’s only a matter of time.

Stiles finally turns around to face Derek and clears his throat. “That- that means nothing. People watch shit like that all the time. Plus, you hardly qualify as a bear.”

It’s a weak excuse but, hey, Stiles is grasping at straws here.

Derek tilts his head to the side in agreement. “True, but if that was the case, why do you seem so nervous?”

Stiles can’t think of a reasonable response in time and Derek knows it.

Derek smirks again and Stiles really wants to knee him in the dick.

“Do you wanna fuck me?”

Stiles narrows his eyes at Derek. What the fuck is his endgame here? Why is he being such a dick?

Oh yeah, because Derek is a fucking asshole.

“Fine,” Stiles says through gritted teeth. “I find you attractive. I watch porn about big, hairy men fucking twinks because I want you to fuck me. Are you happy now? Jackass.”

Stiles storms into his room and slams the door. That’s a perfect example of why people can’t be pretty and nice. It’s genetically impossible.

Stiles lets out a sigh and dumps his backpack on his bed before stripping out of his clothes and getting into the shower. He stands under the spray for ten minutes, just praying to the cosmic gods out there that a black hole will appear and suck the whole human race into nothingness. After waiting for a few more minutes, and his prayers going unanswered, he washes himself then gets out to dry off. He wraps the towel around his waist and opens the door to find Derek standing outside his bathroom door. He shrieks (a very manly shriek by the way) and covers his chest with his arms, not that that’ll hide much.

“Derek, what the fuck are you doing?”

Derek’s eyes do the slowest sweep in fucking existence down Stiles’ body and Stiles feels his cheeks flush. Ugh, why are the cutest guys always assholes?

“I came to apologize. I was being a dick-”

“What else is new?” Stiles interrupts. Stiles is rewarded with another smirk.

“-and I took it too far. I’m sorry I embarrassed you.”

Stiles looks at Derek for a second. They’ve never apologized to each other when they did shit, and even though Stiles didn’t take it as far as Derek did, Stiles can’t stand here and act like he wasn’t also an asshole.

Stiles sighs. “I’m sorry too. I was also kind of a dick. Not as much as you, but still.”

Derek laughs a little, and Jesus H. Christ, how is a laugh sexy? “Apology accepted.”

Stiles holds his hand out for a handshake. Derek puts his hand in Stiles’ and they shake on their newfound not-friendship-but-also-maybe-not-complete-dicks-to-each-other-ship.

“So,” Derek starts after they drop their hands. “wanna have sex?”

Stiles might’ve actually choked on his own fucking spit, because what?

“What?”

“I asked if you wanted to have sex.”

“Where is this even coming from? You hate my guts. Every time I talk you look like you’re going in for a root canal.”

Stiles is so confused, he’s also getting hornier by the minute, but right now, the confusion is outweighing the horniness.

“I don’t hate you. Yeah you talk a lot, and it was so annoying at first, sometimes it still is, but I got used to your incessant chatter.”

Stiles knows he looks dumb, his mouth is gaping and everything. “I think maybe there was something in the water because I must be high. We’ve lived together for over 3 months and you’re telling me that you actually want to have sex with me?”

Derek shrugs. “Yeah. Just because you can be kinda annoying that doesn’t mean you’re not cute. Plus, people have sex all the time, that doesn’t mean we have to, like, date or whatever.”

Stiles rolls his eyes. Derek’s so romantic, how has Stiles been able to resist jumping his bones for this long?

“You just embarrassed the hell out of me, why would I ever want to have sex with you?” Never mind the fact that Stiles definitely does want to have sex with him.

“Maybe you don’t. If not, then fine. We can just go back to how things were. If you do, then we’ll have a great time.”

Stiles is still struggling to wrap his mind around all of this. Derek wants to have sex with him? In what universe does that make sense?

Apparently in this one.

Stiles does this sort of shrug that basically portrays well, what the fuck? Okay then. “Okay. I guess this is happening then.”

Derek smirks for like the fiftieth time in thirty seconds and if Stiles was a stronger man he definitely would’ve kneed Derek in the dick, but clearly, Stiles is weak.

Very, very weak.

“My room or yours?” Derek asks.

“Mine. Since it’s right there,” Stiles points behind Derek and, lo and behold, there’s Stiles’ bed.

Grabbing Stiles’ hand in a surprisingly gentle gesture, Derek walks the three feet from the bathroom to the bed to lay Stiles down.

Derek gets on top of the bed and is sitting on his knees by Stiles’ feet. He pulls his shirt off like he’s in Magic Mike or something before throwing it onto the floor without a care in the world. Jesus, it’s like his muscles have muscles. Stiles starts feeling a little insecure about his body. He’s got muscles, but, he’s not, like, ripped like Derek is. Stiles likes to think he has somewhat of a swimmer’s body.

Looming over him like a fucking creeper, Derek stares down at Stiles. “You know, you’re very pretty.”

Stiles refuses to admit that he blushes at that because he’s not pretty. If anything he’s handsome, some may even say gorgeous.

“Can you just get on with it?” Stiles throwing a scowl in Derek’s direction.

“Bossy. I kinda like that,” he strips his sweatpants off and throws them down too. Now he’s only in a pair of gray boxer briefs and, god, Stiles wants to suck his dick so badly. Which is weird because he’s really not all that experienced with blowjobs, he’s given maybe two blowjobs in his life. Whatever, Derek has a great dick okay?

Derek tugs at the towel around Stiles’ waist. “Is this okay?”

Stiles nods and then the towel is gone, and Stiles is laid bare for Derek to gaze at his leisure. And boy does Derek gaze. He does another slow sweep down Stiles’ body, except this time it’s even more intense because now Stiles is naked.

“You’re not a virgin right?” Derek asks while rummaging through Stiles’ bedside drawer and pulling out the lube. First of all, it’s rude to go through people’s stuff! Second of all, how the hell did Derek know his lube was there? Although, where else would lube be?

“Nope. There will be no deflowering of the Stiles today. Sorry to disappoint.”

Derek shrugs before popping open the lube. “I’m not one of those weirdos who pops a boner at the thought of popping someone’s cherry.”

Stiles chuckles, like actually chuckles. Who knew Derek was even capable of being funny?

Stiles pulls his legs up and hooks his hands behind his knees. The position exposes Stiles’ hole to the extreme and it makes Stiles blush. Just because he’s not a virgin doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get nervous or embarrassed during sex.

Derek knee-walks closer to Stiles and squirts some lube onto his fingers. He puts one hand on Stiles’ right thigh while the other one gently and slowly breaches his entrance. Fuck, his fingers are thick. Thicker than Stiles’ that’s for sure. Stiles definitely isn’t shy about fingering. He fingers himself all the time, but it’s been a while since someone else’s fingers were up there. Stiles is nervous and excited about it all.

Derek doesn’t spend too much time with the one finger, quickly adding a second one and that’s when it starts feeling good. Derek’s fingers are about an inch away from his prostate and Stiles is about to curse him out until Derek presses both fingers against his prostate and Stiles has to bite his lip to stop the loud ass moan that almost escaped his mouth. Judging by the look on Derek’s face, he knows he touched Stiles’ prostate, and being the asshole that he is, he has a cocky smile on his face.

After scissoring those two fingers inside Stiles for a few minutes, Derek adds a third finger. The stretch is definitely there, but hey, Stiles likes a little pain with sex. He can be kinky sometimes.

“Okay. I’m ready, come on,” Stiles says. He was starting to get impatient. He just wants to get dicked down already, damn.

Derek gently removes his fingers and gets off the bed to pick up his sweatpants. He reaches into the pocket and retrieves a condom out. Stiles’ mouth drops.

“So you just knew I’d have sex with you?”

“I didn’t know. I just hoped.”

That smarmy little bastard.

Derek gets back in bed and, finally, removes his briefs and...

Holy mother of god.

Well, maybe not the mother of god. That’s blasphemous as fuck. But! The sentiment is the same because wow. Stiles is glad he didn’t knee him in the dick because that dick is too gorgeous to cause serious injury to. He’s not like porn star big, but it is big and long too. And it’s uncut, which Stiles has a weird sort of kink about. He loves uncut cocks. Yeah, that’s a good-looking cock right there.

Derek unwraps the condom and rolls it onto his cock. He then grabs the bottle of lube that he placed on the bed and squirts more out before slathering a generous amount onto said cock. He makes Stiles move his hands before replacing them with one of his own, the other is at the base of his cock, lining it up to Stiles’ hole.

“You ready baby?” Derek asks.

“Call me baby again and I’ll dropkick you in the throa- oh fuck.”

Of course, Derek chose when Stiles was mid-threat to start pushing his cock inside. Geez, that is seriously a big cock, even the fingering didn’t make it burn any less. Derek gently pushes his cock in deeper before pulling it out, then he pushes it in a little deeper than he did at first before pulling it back out again. He repeats that until his cock is seated all the way inside, his balls to Stiles’ ass. Then he stops and waits. There’s sweat gathering above Derek’s eyebrow and some is even rolling down his temple. Needless to say, Derek isn’t as unaffected as he’s trying to be. Which makes Stiles feel kind of great actually.

“Okay, you can move now,” Stiles informs Derek. And when Stiles says Derek goes to town, he really means that.

Derek puts his other hand behind Stiles’ left knee and pulls out all the way, not even the tip is inside, before thrusting back in. Hard.

Stiles’ breath gets forced out of him at the movement. This truly is hate sex, kinda. Derek said he didn’t hate Stiles, but he certainly doesn’t like him all that much. At least, not yet. Who knows what will stem from this. That’s something to think about when Derek isn’t pounding him into the mattress.

Derek delivers a thrust that nails Stiles’ prostate dead on and Stiles makes this super embarrassing sound, like a high-pitched keen. He knows he’s not going to live that down after this.

After that, Derek is consistent with the hard abuse on Stiles’ prostate, and Stiles is getting close to orgasm embarrassingly fast. He isn’t too sure he’ll be able to last much longer. Although, Derek doesn’t seem like he’s going to be able to either. If the grunts and groans he’s letting out are anything to go by.

“Unh, fuck. Derek-!”

“Yeah, you’re gonna come?”

Stiles frantically nods his head and grabs his own cock to start stroking himself. Derek thrusts harder if that’s even possible, and within a few seconds, Stiles is coming all over his stomach.

“Fuck, Stiles,” Derek groans and thrusts one, two, three more times before stopping with a deep, guttural moan. He almost sounds like an actual bear and Stiles can’t help the giggle that escapes him.

Derek gives him a weird look but his lip quirks up in a maybe sort of smile. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh nothing,” Stiles gives him a shit-eating grin.

And since it’s already been established that Derek is an asshole, he grinds and his cock brushes against Stiles’ oversensitive prostate causing Stiles’ whole body to convulse. He slaps Derek’s arm.

Derek pulls out and lets go of Stiles’ legs. They’re sore from being in the same position for so long but Stiles can’t even care. He’s sated and all he wants to do now is take a nap. Stiles stretches his whole body like a cat while Derek disposes of the condom.

“Okay, that was fun. If you want to annoy me, I’ll be in my room.” And with that, Derek walks out of Stiles’ room to go to his own.

Derek was definitely a dick, but Stiles could deal with him. Especially if they continue to fuck like that.

Holy (not) mother of god indeed.

#sterek #sterek smut #stiles stilinski #derek hale #sterek fic #sterek au #smut #My fic

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fbfh · 3 years

Text

here’s to always finding each other

pairing: percy x gn child of calliope reader

wc: 1.6k

warnings: percy kisses reader following a prior agreement that they don’t remember but it’s 100% consentual, you work retail, a hell yeah, memory loss, I think that’s it

summary: You didn’t really expect to have to spend your entire eight hour shift organizing shoe wax any more than you expected your fictional crush from middle school to be real and your boyfriend. Only one of those happened (and the shoe wax was still very disorganized when you left).

song rec: this lofi mix, boba manifesto - chris flemming (mostly as a joke but it slaps)

a/n: i am wOrKiNg oN tHiNgS!!!!!! It’s going well!!! expect some fun surprises soon!!!!!!!!!

Crouched down on the ground, rearranging an end cap of shoe wax in the men’s department wasn’t really what you thought being a grownup would be like as a kid. You can’t complain too much, the pay is pretty good and working conditions are decent - as much as they can be in retail. You stand up to check your progress (and stretch your legs) and notice that guy is still there. He’s been hovering around the athletic shirts and pants for a while, and he keeps checking his phone and looking around. You’re sure he’s probably just waiting for someone, but you’re considering asking if you can help him find anything.

He has a vaguely familiar energy, and your stomach drops for a moment, hoping you don’t know him from school or something. God, that would be a nightmare. That’s happened to you once or twice, bumping into someone you went to school with, and it’s always as bad as you expect.

‘You know what,’ you think, trying to see if you can fit the last few containers of wax on the shelf without making them topple over, ‘he’s probably fine. If he needs help he’ll ask for it.’

You go back to scanning and adjusting the prices of the clearance shoe polish - the company had changed their packaging recently, so it’s out with the old and in with the identical - but you still can’t shake the feeling of familiarity.

He turns around, holding up an orange shirt that says ‘go for it’ in a ridiculous font, and you get a glimpse of his face.

You crouch back down so he won’t catch you staring, and the realization dawns on you. He looks a lot like Percy Jackson from the books you read in middle school. Or was it high school? Everything between 6th grade and high school graduation is kind of blurry and confusing in your memory. Man, you should really re-read those, you heard there was a TV series in the works and you want to remember all the details for when it comes out. You’re a little surprised at how nervous that revelation makes you, like the feeling when you’re a kid going to a theme park and you can see the roller coasters as you pull into the parking lot. Weird. Anyway, it’s not the first time you’ve seen a customer who looks like a character from something. One time you saw someone who you swore looked just like Pidge from the Voltron reboot that came out a few years ago, and a coworker saw a girl who looked like an anime character she loves… Raka something? Her name sounded like gravity, but that wasn’t it. You shrug, making a mental note to ask her about it later.

You stand up once again to take one final look before you move onto the next end cap, and see that the guy is standing next to you. You look up at him, and all those weird feelings of excitement and something close to anticipation amplify, as you get a closer look at him. He really, really looks like Percy Jackson. Like if the Viria art was a real person.

“Uh… hi, can I help you find anything today?” You ask, snapping out of your daze and into your customer service voice. He takes a second before answering, and you’re a little unnerved by the way he’s looking at you; warm and intimately, like he’s known you for years.

“No,” he replies, a dreamy tone to his voice, “I’ve got everything I need.” You’re pleasantly surprised and a little freaked out that he even has the accent. Seriously, if he’s not already, this guy should really get into cosplay. Also, is he flirting with you? He seems to realize what he just said, and backtracks slightly.

“Actually, um, I was wondering if you could help me out with something over here,” he says, and you agree, in your signature chipper tone. He guides you to a table covered in various sweatpants behind a mirror.

He glances around again, and you have to ask.

“You know, if you’re having trouble finding someone we can-”

“Walkie customer service to have my group meet me at the front desk.” He finishes seamlessly.

“It’s not my first time at the rodeo,” he chuckles, and you get the feeling there’s more meaning behind what he’s saying, like an inside joke you’re not a part of.

“Oh… yeah.” you say, and he can sense your surprise, “How did you…” you trail off, and he can sense the silent question in your voice. He lets out a breathy chuckle, cheeks flushed pink.

“Like this.”

He catches your face in his hands, and presses his lips to yours. Your eyes widen in shock, mostly at the fact that you don’t feel threatened by his presence at all. You’re shocked at how comfortable you feel around him, how you feel in your bones that you’ve known him for years when the logical side of your brain is telling you that you first saw him ten minutes ago. He pulls away, searching your eyes for… something.

“Uh…” you glance away, brow slightly furrowed, then back up at him, “what the fuck?”

His expression softens, and he says gently, “Give it a minute.”

You’re about to ask him to give what a minute, when a barrage of memories, feelings, people you don’t think you’ve ever met but seemed to be best friends with knocks you off your feet. You try to take in a breath, but the air in the room seems to have taken a temporary vacation from your lungs.

You look up at him, eyes flared in understanding and shock. He mutters something in confirmation. Someone yells nearby, and you both look over to an adolescent boy asking his mom why he can’t wear neon basketball shorts to school. Percy looks back over at you.

“Is there somewhere a little more-” the mom starts arguing back and forth with her son at a louder volume, and he continues, “private… where we could talk?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll… I’ll get somewhere.”

A few minutes later, you’re sitting across from each other on two step stools in one of the stock rooms. You’re still surprised at how easily you had lied to your boss that your long distance boyfriend showed up a few weeks early after over a year of not being able to see each other, and you needed a moment to catch up. She had agreed readily, asking that you tell her when you’re ready to get back to your tasks.

“I’m sorry about that,” he starts, snapping you out of your train of thought, and you look up at him, “I never would have kissed you without asking, but you made me promise last time that the next time you lose your memories I would get them back to you as fast as I can.”

“Uh, it’s okay, I feel like I remember talking about that.” Your memories are still fuzzy, but coming back sporadically.

“It can take a few days for them to come back fully.” He adds.

The most surreal part of this is you remember vividly what happened in the books - because you lived through it. You hold back a giddy laugh bubbling up.

“So…” you begin, and he looks at you, his gaze warm, “it’s all real?” you breathe the words, almost afraid of an answer.

“Yeah,” he chuckles, looking away briefly, overwhelmed that you’re with him once again.

“The short version is, since your godly parent is Calliope, you sometimes get sent to other worlds. You kind of have to hop scotch from one place to another, like getting a goldfish used to a new bowl of water. The mist - or sometimes,” he glances up, pointedly and irritable, “other factors - usually take away a lot of your memories. They say it’s to make the transition easier, but who knows. Anyway, there are these waypoints, kind of like a time loop that you hang out in until you’re either ready to leave or one of us finds you first.”

“So this…” you motion around to the rows of cardboard boxes filled with plastic cups and paper towels. He nods and you let out a laugh of relief that you really won’t have to work here long term.

“As soon as you’re ready we should probably head out to camp. It’s gonna be a bit of a drive.”

“Wait, it’s all like… here? Like in this world?”

“Yeah,” he smiles again, once more sending butterflies through your chest.

You let out a disbelieving, excited laugh.

“Alright. Yeah, okay. Let’s do it.”

Before you can get up, he takes your hand in his. He watches his fingers skim back and forth for a minute before looking up at you.

“You know that I’ll always find you, right?” there’s an overwhelming torrent of emotions he’s somehow managing to convey through his eyes.

“It doesn’t matter where you go, or how long you’re gone, or if we even remember each other. I will always find you.” His hand comes up to your cheek for the second time today, and your head tilts into his embrace automatically. You somehow trust him more than anyone or anything else right now. You nod gently.

“I do.”

He glances away again, cheeks flushing red, and he sighs, kissing your forehead.

You get up and head towards the exit together, and he wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“How about we get some bubble tea once we’re in the city?”

“Oh hell yeah!”

You don’t remember the last time you had bubble tea, but it sounds really, really good right now.

#percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x gn reader #heroes of olympus x reader #percy jackson #heroes of olympus

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mersuperwholocked-lowlife · 3 years

Text

Back To Normal

Word Count: 2,154

Characters: Dean Winchester, John Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby SInger (brief), Reader

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader

Warnings: angst, small fluff, mentions of past abuse

A/N: idek what to say but hi i guess

A/N 2: Reader is like 2 years older than Dean

Masterlist

You walked to your parents’ room in the middle of the night, the house dark. It was probably around 2 but that didn't stop you from going to your dad, tugging on his arm.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing up, kiddo?” he asked softly, frowning as he turned the light on.

“What’s going on?” Mary sat up, looking at you cautiously.

“I had a bad dream, daddy. Can I sleep with you?” you wiped your eyes, yawning slightly as you continued to hold onto John’s hand.

“Of course you can, come on, let’s go to bed,” he lifted you up, wrapping his arms around you in a protective manner as he turned the lights off.

You continued holding onto his arm, falling asleep.

---

You shot up, hearing someone yelling as you quickly got out of bed, running to Dean.

“Dean, wake up!” you shook him slightly, as he looked at you, confused.

“Daddy’s yelling!” you said, holding his hand as the two of you ran out of your shared room, seeing a bright light coming out of Sam’s nursery.

“Daddy? What’s wrong?” you walked into the room, screaming as you saw the horrendous sight, your mother somehow pinned to the ceiling, blood dripping out of her stomach as the ceiling around her caught on fire.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N), take Sam and Dean out! Now!” he placed your six-month-old brother in your hand, as you held onto him tightly, holding Dean’s hand with your free hand.

You ran out of the house, watching flames coming out of the window.

“It’s gonna be okay, De,” you said softly.

You felt John’s arms wrap around the three of you, pulling you away to safety, watching your house envelop in flames.

---

“Again, (Y/N),” John handed you the gun, as you scratched your arm nervously, before picking it up.

You unloaded, then reloaded the gun, turning the safety off, then back on.

“38 seconds. You need to do it in under 15,” you nodded your head softly, listening to John.

“Yes, sir,” you replied, your voice low.

“I’m going to go out. Watch Sam and Dean,” before you could reply, he grabbed his jacket, slamming the door shut as you flinched slightly, before resting your head on your hands.

---

“Dean, can you help me out here?” you asked, rubbing your head.

“Sam doesn't listen to me either,” he shrugged. He flipped on the TV, watching some sort of cartoon as you groaned, turning back to Sam.

“Sam, you have to do your homework and you have to eat your dinner. Now,” you tried not to raise your voice, clearly annoyed by both of them.

“No, I don’t want to. I wanna watch TV with Dean,” he crossed his arms, frowning.

“After you do all your work,” you sighed.

“How come Dean doesn't have to do his work? Or eat his dinner?” Sam crossed his arms as you clenched your jaw, digging your nails into your palm.

I hate them both

“Dean already finished all his work! Sam, I’m serious!” you groaned.

Every day seemed to go like this. One or both of them would choose not to listen to you, getting you more irritated and stressed. You still had a huge amount of homework to do, half of which you could barely understand, and instead of doing it, you were trying to get Sam to listen. As usual.

“Dean didn’t do his homework!” Sam screamed as you winced, his shouting giving you a headache.

“He’s lying! I did it!” Dean shot up, pointing his finger at Sam.

Before you could say anything, both brothers started screaming at each other, leaving you with a headache.

“Enough!” you turned off the TV, pulling Dean to the table.

“Both of you shut up and do your homework! Now!” you yelled.

Sam sniffled, immediately looking down.

Great, now he’s crying

“Dude, you made him cry,” Dean looked up at you.

“Shut up, Dean. Do your work,” you rolled your eyes, before turning to Sam.

“You’re mean,” Sam said, his voice low.

“And you're a brat. Here’s a pencil,” you handed it to him, watching as the two of them tended to their homework.

---

“Dad,” you started softly.

He simply glared at you, before looking back at the road.

The two of you rode back to the hotel, where Sam and Dean were.

“Dad, I’m sorry,” you started.

“Shut up, (Y/N),” he snapped.

He left for a hunt, again. Leaving you with Sam and Dean, again. Leaving you with barely enough money to feed one of you, let alone three. You saw your only option was to steal. You didn't like it but you had no choice. Sam began to come down with a fever, and he needed medicine.

“You didn't leave us with… Sam was sick,” your voice broke as your heart began to race out of fear for what was going to happen to you.

“He’s fine now,” you looked at John nervously before running your fingers through your hair.

The rest of the ride remained silent, before approaching the hotel room. It was empty.

You turned to John, your eyes widening as you contained your panic.

You weren't allowed to be weak in front of John.

“They’re at Bobby’s. You’re with me for the week,” he threw his bag onto the floor as you flinched, trying your hardest to maintain this weekend.

You already knew that the worst was yet to come.

---

“Hey, are you okay?” your head shot up, as you opened your eyes, looking at Dean.

“No, I mean, yeah, I’m fine, sorry,” you shook your head, smiling softly at your younger brother.

“Sam’s passed out. Do you wanna watch a movie or something?” he asked, sitting next to you on the floor.

Dean graduated high school, spending more and more time with you and John, seeing what John does to you. You prayed that he wouldn't witness any of it but lately, none of your prayers seemed to help anything. You currently sat there with a black eye, saying it was from a hunt, but Dean knew otherwise.

“No, it’s fine,” you sighed, keeping your voice down.

The two of you sat in the dark, as Dean rested his head on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry for being such a bitch when I was younger,” he said softly.

“Oh, don't be. If it makes you feel any better, Sam was worse,” you laughed softly.

“I can't believe you dealt with us,” he shook his head.

“Well, why wouldn't I? You’re still my brother. Come on, you should get to bed,” you said.

“Are you going to sleep?” he asked.

“No, I need to watch over you guys,” you shook your head.

“That’s ridiculous. I’m not going to sleep till you do,” he crossed his arms.

“Well then, looks like you’re not getting any sleep tonight,” you turned, looking at him.

“Then so be it,” he continued to rest his head on your arm, as you scoffed before you continued to stare at the door.

You could feel Dean falling asleep, hearing him snoring. You pressed your lips against his forehead, stroking his hand softly.

---

“Oh my god!” you shot up in the bed, clenching your jaw as you held in your screams, feeling pain emit throughout your body.

“(Y/N)!” Sam and Dean ran to you, as you winced before they backed away.

“What happened?” you whispered.

Your arm was wrapped up in bandages, a sling on your shoulder. Your forehead was covered in bandages, scratches all over your body.

“What do you remember?” Dean asked.

You looked up at them, seeing tears in their eyes.

“The demon… yellow eyes… where’s Dad?” you asked softly.

“He sold his soul for Dean,” Sam whispered a reply.

Your eyes watered as you felt a shiver over your body.

You sniffled, wiping your tears as you looked at Dean.

“I-It’s gonna be okay,” you said softly, wrapping your arm around Sam and Dean.

“It's gonna be okay.”

---

“(Y/N), it’s 3 AM,” Bobby walked into his study room, sitting down in front of you.

The three of you finished a hunt nearby, crashing at Bobby’s for the night.

He offered you a beer, as you took it from him.

“Do you have anything to say, kid?” he asked you.

“No, I want to sit here and drink this beer in silence, please,” you sighed.

“What is it with you Winchesters never showing any damn emotion?” he raised his voice slightly as you sighed.

You ran your fingers through your hair, resting your arm on the table.

“Why won’t you go to bed?” he asked.

“Bye, Bobby,” you pushed out of your seat, grabbing your jacket.

“The hell do you think you're doing, young lady?” he immediately crossed his arms, standing in front of the door.

“I’m going out. I’ll see you in the morning,” you walked past him, leaving his house.

---

You sat in the driver’s seat, hearing Dean yelling at you.

“I don’t…” you hiccupped.

“I don’t know why you’re so mad,” you shrugged, laying back in the seat.

“You’re not driving, you’re drunk. Scoot over,” Dean crossed his arms.

“I’m not drunk, you’re drunk. And bossy,” you laughed, nearly falling off your seat as Dean forcibly pushed out over, sitting in the driver’s seat.

“It’s been a month of this crap. When was the last time you even slept?” Dean asked.

“I don’t like to sleep,” you looked out the window, watching all the trees passing by.

Something about the trees seemed to mesmerize you, as you yawned, blinking your eyes.

“Why don’t you like to sleep?” Dean asked.

Within 20 seconds, you fell onto Dean as he groaned, looking at you completely passed out.

“(Y/N),” Dean said, pushing you off of him.

“(Y/N),” he repeated.

Your head fell against the window, as Dean listened to your breathing, making sure you didn't just die on him.

It had been a month of that. Ever since John died, you barely slept, spending all your time on either hunts or in a stranger’s bed, completely drunk.

Dean followed you, stopping whatever person was hitting on you and took your joke, slightly disappointed, slightly feeling pity for you.

Something happened to make you like this, and all he wanted was you back to normal.

His face softened, looking at your shaking figure. He took his jacket off, laying it on you before continuing to look forward at the road.

---

“We need to talk,” Dean sat at the edge of your bed, as you sat up, rubbing your head.

He handed you a glass of water and some aspirin. You silently thanked him, before clearing your throat.

“What's the problem?” you asked.

“You,” he replied.

“Excuse me?” you raised an eyebrow.

“One month. Since Dad died. Since you changed completely. You go out every night when we’re not hunting, don’t try to lie to me and tell me that you’re getting sleep because I know damn well that you’re not. We’re worried about you and we want our sister. We lost Dad, we don’t want to lose you too,” your eyes watered slightly as you looked at Dean.

You knew he was right. You felt shame immediately, knowing that John was looking at you, disappointed. From above or below. You weren't even taking care of Sam and Dean.

“I’m sorry,” you replied.

“I don’t want an apology. I want you back to normal,” you ran your fingers through your hair, blinking back your tears as you sniffled.

Just tell him, it’ll have to come out sooner or later

“I’ve just been… I’ve been having nightmares about Dad,” you sniffled.

His face softened, as he scooted closer to you.

“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked softly.

“It’s not your problem to worry about,” you rested your head on your lap.

“Not my problem? (Y/N),” he started.

“You don’t understand, Dean. Please, just go,” you closed your eyes, feeling a tear streaming down your cheek.

He wrapped his arms around you tightly, as you held him.

“Dad’s gone. H-He’s dead. He can’t hurt you anymore, you don’t have to keep putting up a shield and blocking out everyone and everything,” you held back your cries as you buried yourself into Dean’s arms.

“I know,” you whispered.

“He can’t do anything to you ever again,” Dean’s voice was shaky, you could feel his tears.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” you cried softly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I-I’m sorry I wasn't here for you sooner,” you stroked his cheek softly, sniffling as you smiled at him softly.

“I love you, kiddo,” you said.

“I love you too, (Y/N/N),” he replied, laying down next to you.

“Sam’s out doing nerdy stuff with Bobby. What do you say to a movie or two?” he looked up at you.

“Yeah, sure,” you stroked his hair softly, turning the TV on.

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elliesguitarstrings · 3 years

Text

Silence (Part 1/Prologue)

Peter Parker x stark!reader

Summary: You and Peter have been best friends ever since he stepped foot into the avengers compound. After a year of being friends you realize you’ve developed a crush on him, but he doesn’t feel the same way... at least, you don’t think he does.

A/N: This is my first ever post so idk how many people will see it but if you do feel free to send in any requests for Tom Holland or any of his characters and tell me if you like this story - part 2 coming soon!

Warnings: language, awkwardness, a little bit of fluff

italics mean flashbacks

~~~~~~~~

Today was a special day. Well, to you that is. To everyone else, it was just a normal Saturday. But to you, and hopefully to Peter too, it was special.

Today marks one year of you and Peter first meeting. One year since he walked through the glass elevator doors of the Avengers Compound. One year since you met your best friend. You remember it like it was yesterday.

Waking you up from a deep sleep, you hear a loud knock on your door, one you recognized only to be your dad’s.

He opens the door and peeks his head in.

“Hey, get up and come into the living room. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

Barely awake, you respond, “No, let me sleep. It’s too early for this shit.”

“Watch your language young lady! Now get your ass out of bed and be out in ten minutes.”

He walks away, not even bothering to close the door.

You groan into your pillow and proceed to throw it across the room as you reluctantly get out of bed.

Lately you’ve been fed up with everyone in the compound, and you’re taking out all your anger on them. But what else are you supposed to do? Everyone treats you like a kid, but they still expect you to act like an adult. They don’t let you go on missions, but they still make you train. They don’t let you go to actual school, but they make you study twice as hard. Everyone is just so hard on you, especially your dad, and you’re fucking done with it.

You walk into the bathroom and pull your hair up into a quick ponytail, not bothering to brush your mess of hair. Hastily, you brush your teeth and splash some water on your face in an attempt to make yourself look somewhat alive, but the dark circles are still extremely noticeable. You walk back into your bedroom and think about changing out of your hoodie and shorts, but you decide against it. You look halfway decent, and whoever it is that your dad wants you to meet certainly can’t be so important that you have to change into something nice.

After a quick look in the mirror, you slowly make your way into the living room, dreading the coming interaction with another one of your dad’s boring co-workers.

However, when you look up and see a teenage boy sitting next to your dad on the sofa, your mood changes.

Your dad stands up and turns to you, gesturing at the boy.

“Y/N, this is Peter Parker, Spiderman, whatever you want to call him. He’s the newest addition to the team, and he’s moving into the compound in a few days. He’s the same age as you, so I thought you should show him around. So be nice.”

Peter blushes and smiles, giving you a small wave.

Suddenly you regret not changing.

He’s cute. So fucking cute. He has fluffy brown hair, brown puppy dog eyes, the cutest smile, and he’s your age. Your age. Everything about him is perfect.

Realizing that you have been staring for probably a little to long, you speak up.

“Um, hi Peter, I’m Y/N. Uh, it’s- it’s nice to have you here. Sorry I look like shit.”

“Oh, um, thanks.” Peter responds, just as awkwardly as you.

“You don’t look like shit by the way,” he adds, “you look pretty.”

You smile, about to say thank you when your dad interrupts.

“Well, that was really fucking awkward, but I think you two are going to get along just fine. I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it then, see ya around.”

He winks at you as he leaves to go to his lab, and you roll your eyes in return, mentally hitting yourself at how embarrassing this whole interaction has been so far.

You turn to Peter, “So, uh, why don’t I show you around and you can meet everyone.”

“Sounds good to me!” he smiles.

You start in the kitchen and show him around the compound: the movie room, the game room, the pool, the sun room, the training room, the labs, and the bedrooms, introducing him to all of the Avengers along the way. Finally, you stop at the largest spare bedroom, which happens to be right across from yours.

“This is probably gonna be your room. No one really uses it right now but since it’s the biggest one I thought you might want it.”

“Oh, um, thanks, but even the smallest room here is like ten times bigger than my room, so I’d be happy with anything. But since it’s across from you, I’ll take it.”

You blush, not sure if he’s flirting with you or just trying to be nice. Either way, it’s not helping your already developing crush on him.

“So, um, that’s the tour I guess. What do you want to do now?” you ask, hoping he doesn’t want to leave so you can spend more time with him.

“Well Happy isn’t taking me back home until three, so we still have a few hours to do whatever. It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Do you just want to hang out in my room? Maybe watch a movie?”

“Sure! Sounds great!”

The two of you walk across the hall to your room and you open the door, regretting again your poor choice to not clean up this morning. Your bed was a mess, your clothes were strewn everywhere, and your desk was piled high with papers and books.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, my room is such a mess.” you exclaim, rushing to push your clothes in the corner and hastily pull your covers up in a sad attempt to make the bed.

Peter smiles and laughs, “Don’t worry, if you think this is messy, you should see my room. This is nothing.”

You laugh as well, sitting down on your bed and grabbing the TV remote. You pat your bed, motioning for Peter to sit down next to you.

“Y- you want me to sit next to you? Like on your bed?” he asks, clearly shocked.

“Oh, um, yeah. But only if you want. You can sit on the beanbag chair over there instead, I guess. I just thought the bed would be more comfortable. And you would be able to see the TV better.”

“Oh, um, ok. That’s fine.”

He makes his way over to your bed and sits next to you, and you silently turn on the TV, starting to overthink everything.

There was a boy. On. Your. Bed. You weren’t doing anything, but still. You suddenly realized how little interaction you’ve had with people your age. Even girls. You didn’t go to school, so you only hung out with the Avengers. The closest person to your age was Wanda, and even she was a lot older than you.

‘Am I being too forward?’ you started to think to yourself. ‘Should I have not asked him to sit on my bed? What is he thinking right now? Oh my god, this is so bad. He probably thinks I’m so weird. He probably hates me. Fuck.’

When you see him looking in your direction, you decide to stuff the thoughts in the back of your head and try to act as normal as possible.

“So, what should we watch?” you ask.

“Um, do you, uh... do you like Star Wars?”

“Are you kidding me? I LOVE Star Wars!” you exclaim, the tension and awkwardness easing slightly.

“Really? My favorite is A New Hope.”

“No shit! Mine too!”

“Then A New Hope it is I guess!”

You turn on the movie, smiling, and you notice that he scoots a little closer to you, seemingly more comfortable.

A few minutes into the movie, Peter breaks the silence between you two and asks, “So what’s it like living with the Avengers?”

“Oh,” you look away from the TV, “it’s cool I guess. But after a while it’s gotten pretty boring. And really frustrating.”

“Frustrating? Why?”

“It’s just, well, they treat me like a kid all the time. And before you say it, yes, I know I am a kid, but it’s still annoying. There’s no one here even close to my age, I mean fuck, Thor’s like 1500 years old. And none of them know how to talk to me. They act like I’m a toddler even though I’m literally sixteen and they never let me go on missions with them, because they don’t think I’m ready even though I’ve been training since I was like ten – “

You cut yourself off, realizing you’ve been ranting for probably a little too long.

“Sorry about that,” you mumble. “It’s just that I haven’t really had anyone to talk to about this.”

“No! Don’t be sorry. That fucking sucks. Not gonna lie, you’re kinda making me regret moving here if that’s how everyone’s gonna treat me,” he laughs.

“They’re not gonna treat you like that.”

“Why wouldn’t they? I’m the same age as you.”

“Because. You’re a fucking superhero. They don’t give a fuck about your age if you can climb walls and shoot spider webs out of your hands.”

“Well, even if they don’t treat me like a kid then I’ll still back you up.”

He puts a hand on your shoulder and smiles. You blush and smile back.

“Thanks”

“Of course.”

He scoots even closer to you so that your shoulders are barely touching. If this had happened five minutes earlier, you would be freaking out. But now, something is different. You aren’t sure what, but you suddenly feel more calm and comfortable with him around.

You finish the rest of the movie in silence, and you realize you let your head fall onto his shoulder. You were scared he would push your head away, but he didn’t care.

“You awake?” he asks.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I just didn’t get much sleep last night and my dad woke me up early, well, to meet you.”

He smiles down at you, and suddenly your dad bursts through the door. You scramble to sit up, lifting your head off Peter’s shoulder.

“Hey kid, Happy’s here to – oh?” He stares at the two of you sitting next to each other in your bed, both blushing. “Jesus, you’ve only just met and you already slept together? At least tell me you used protection.”

“DAD, OH MY GOD, NO!” you exclaim, blushing even harder now.

“Mr. Stark, I promise. We- we were just watching a movie. Nothing happened!” Peter assures him.

“Sure, sure,” your dad winks at the two of you.

“Dad, seriously. Nothing happened!” you groan in frustration.

“Whatever. Anyways, Happy’s here to take you back to Queens Pete. Be down in five.” He leaves the room.

“God, that was fucking embarrassing,” Peter laughs getting up from the bed.

“That’s my dad for you.”

You both walk to the door, and before you leave the room, you give him a small hug.

“I’m glad you’re moving in, Peter.”

“Me too,” he smiles, “Friends?”

“Definitely.”

You smile thinking back on the memory. After that day, you and Peter have spent almost every hour of every day together. You’re rarely ever apart, even at night. You sleep with him in his bed, and he sleeps with you in yours. The rest of the team bugs the two of you to get together, but you both agree that you are just friends. Best friends cuddle with each other and kiss each other’s foreheads and play with each other’s hair, right?

#peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #tom holland #peter parker x reader #marvel #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut

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world-of-horrors-au · 3 years

Text

Horrors AU - Bittersweet

Ben opens up a bit about his past. Briar doesn’t really understand, but she’ll support him no matter what.

1.2k words Teen and up rating Set within the Horrors AU, the dystopian/post-apocalyptic AU this blog is dedicated to. For more information, see the pinned post on this blog! Trans!Ben x female OC Briar the Batter [though it’s not heavy on the romance], mentioned EJ/Jeff. All mentioned characters are in their 20s Content Warnings: Discussions of 80s/90s homophobia/transphobia/LGBTphobia, and domestic violence. Implied religious abuse and dysphoria [though the latter is mostly read between the lines].

---

Her apartment was just as she left it that morning. With relief, Briar slid the heavy bag from her shoulders, and dropped it onto the wooden floor. The warm scent of the bread she’d made the day before still lingered, along with the wildflowers that graced her kitchen table. Briar kicked off her shoes and walked to the kitchen window. Wood scraped together as she opened it, letting in sunlight and the breeze of a future storm. With a groan, Briar pulled her hair free from its ponytail and massaged the back of her head. God, it was good to be home.

“Ben?” She called out.

The radio on the counter beeped.

“I’m in your bedroom,” his voice came.

Briar rolled her eyes. Oh, boy, that was fast.

“Playing a game,” he said, guessing what she was thinking. “The tv in the living room can’t connect to my Gamecube anymore.”

“Gotcha,” she said, a bit relieved. “I’m heading your way, I need to get out of my work clothes.”

“Copy that.”

Even before she opened the door, Briar heard his game, the cries of monsters and clicks of a menu pushing through the wood. Stepping into the empty room, she looked at the television perched on top of her old dresser.

“Pokemon again?”

“Yeah.” His voice came from her bed. Briar looked, and there he was where he wasn’t before, lying back with legs crossed on top of her comforter. One arm supported his blond head, the other rested in his lap. He didn’t need controllers to play games, being dead and all. “Got fifteen more of these bastards to purify.”

She shrugged. “Have fun with that.”

As she passed by him, Briar tapped his booted feet.

“No boots on the bed,” she said.

Ben made a face at her. “They’re not even real,” he said.

“Yeah, but you’ll teach Jeff bad habits.” Opening her closet door, Briar grabbed one of her thin shirts. “I already caught him trying to go to sleep with his jeans on.”

“How is that my fault?” Ben said. “I don’t even sleep.”

“You know damn well why,” Briar teased, and pulled off the top of her nurse’s uniform. She groaned in relief. “Feels great to get out of these scrubs,” She said as she pulled the pants off.

“Wouldn’t know, I don’t really take my clothes off.” Ben swore. “Damn it! You can’t kill my Espeon! He’s my baby!”

“You really get into those games.” She adjusted her bra before putting her new top on.

“Yeah, they relax me. Let me forget what reality is like for a few hours.” Ben flipped the NPC the bird as she heard him send out a new pokemon. “I always liked them, even when I had to hide them from…”

Briar looked over at him as she pulled the shorts over her legs. Ben’s face had clouded over with memories. She didn’t say anything, just let him be.

He swallowed. “From my husband.”

She adjusted the waistband of her shorts, looking at him. “I didn’t know you were married.”

“Right out of high school. Me and my high school sweetheart. Our entire graduating class came to our wedding - but that was like, 15 people, and most didn’t stay long. My friends told me I was making a mistake, but I didn’t care. I was in love. I wanted it all.”

Ben shook his head. Briar walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. In silence, she watched him go through the motions of his battle.

“Thought I did, at least. But being married to him didn’t make me happy. Having sex with him sucked. He went to college and made me stay home, then we fought about me playing video games. He smashed my GameBoy with a hammer, and told me he’d do that to my fingers if he caught me wasting his money on ‘nerd shit’ again. That was about three years in, when he started getting violent. Two years after that, he drowned me in the sink.”

“Jesus,” Briar said.

“I listened to my mother instead of my friends,” Ben said. “My friends told me to run, but she told me it was my responsibility to work things out with him, and if I divorced him, I’d go to hell with the - well, the AIDS victims. She was real big on conservative bullshit - that’s a different kind of conservative than you know, it’s kind of hard to explain -” He sighed. “She went hard on it because I knew I was trans as a kid and told her. Scared her shitless. She tried to snuff it out for my own good.”

“It didn’t work though,” Briar said.

“It did work, though.” Ben didn’t look away from the screen. “And it didn’t make me happy at all. But what does it matter, if you’re happy, so long as you’re not gay?”

Briar stared at the screen, twisted the fabric of her shirt between her fingers. She couldn’t really wrap her head around any of this.

“It was really like that?”

“It was worse than that - so much worse. But even gay people could go buy chocolate at the grocery store, you know?” The game paused. “It was getting better. That’s what pisses me off. Before the First Wave, things were getting better for us - for LGBT people - we were on a path to being accepted. And then, for fucking who knows why, we all completely lost it.” Ben shook his head and gestured with his free hand. “And now who knows what’ll happen? I don’t like humans, but thinking about them suffering because of who they are pisses me off - and you know those government bastards will try and ban ‘em all if they find out that Jeff and Eyeless were in a relationship during the War. Nothing’s off limits to those fucks.”

She looked down at the quilt below her, and frowned.

“Well,” Briar said. “I guess that means we can’t lose, then. They can’t find out if we take them down.”

Ben arched an eyebrow at her, then smiled wryly. “Look at you, our ray of hope.” His arms wrapped around her, and Briar stiffened in surprise as he placed his head on her shoulder. When did Ben ever show physical affection? Briar hugged him back.

“You know, I don’t know why you’re here, when it’s been so long since anybody was born,” he said. “But you’re good to have around. You know, for being a weak human-type.”

“Human-type?” She snorted. “What am I, a Pokemon?”

He pulled away. “You know what I mean.” Dropping back onto the bed, Ben resumed his game.

Briar shook her head, and started to stand, only for a hand to wrap around her wrist. She looked down at him. Without looking at her, he patted the spot next to him.

“You’re tired. Hang out with me a while.”

“Uh…” Briar thought about it, thinking about the dishes she needed to do, the laundry to take in from the line before the storm rolled in from the ocean… but he patted the bed again and she let herself give in. Briar laid down against him on her side, and closed her eyes. Ben wrapped an arm around her, and she allowed herself the pleasure of a nap.

#horrors au #creepypasta #creepypasta au #ben drowned #creepypasta ben drowned #briar the batter #creepypasta fanfiction #creepypasta fanfic #creepypasta fic #homophobia tw #transphobia tw #lgbtphobia tw #domestic abuse tw #abuse tw

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cuquitalocita · 3 years

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all you do is pine- percabeth

AN: i didn’t really like the ending to this one but i wrote something finally! also i just love modern percabeth can’t you tell?

“Uh… five?” Annabeth throws her pencil down in frustration, the sound echoing around the almost silent library. Across from her, Rachel bites her lip to keep from laughing and the look Annabeth sends her has the girl pulling Annabeth’s paper to her side of the table.

“Ah, I see what you did. That’s a six A, not a nine.” Annabeth glares at the red ink now covering her paper and curses her dyslexia for making college so much more difficult than it should be. Annabeth had handled high school just fine, moving across the country a few times, but other than that, no issues. But freshman year of college was kicking her ass.

“How am I supposed to pass this class if I can’t even read the problem correctly, to begin with?” Annabeth complains. The heads of her friends at the tables around her turned to her, offering sympathetic glances saying they understood how awful their dyslexia could be.

“Maybe you can just light Professor Brunner’s classroom on fire,” Leo supplies from where he sits next to Calypso doing physics homework. His girlfriend slaps the back of his head.

“That’s arson, Leo,” she reminds him.

“So what?”

“So it’s illegal, genius.” The voice of her best friend has Annabeth sitting straighter and Percy drops into the seat next to her, looking perfect as ever with his messy black hair and green eyes. “Last I checked you can’t vandalize a classroom.”

“How would you know Jackson?” Annabeth pipes up. “If I remember correctly, senior year of high school you vandalized Mrs. Dodd’s room.” Percy grinned at her, the memory flashing through his eyes, and the two burst into laughter.

If there was anything that made college easier, it was having her best friend next to her to suffer through it all with her. She and Percy had grown up together, living in the same neighborhood since middle school and being best friends ever since. Annabeth couldn’t be more grateful that they both managed to get into the same college.

She just wishes she wasn’t in love with him.

Never in a million years could Annabeth have predicted she would fall for her annoying, clueless neighbor. Yet here she was- hopeless.

Annabeth turns, sticking her nose back into her math textbook to keep him from seeing the red that now dots her cheeks. She catches Piper’s eye from the table next to her and the girl raises a brow. Annabeth shoots her a warning look and Piper sighs audibly.

“Well I don’t know about you guys, but I’m over this. I’ve gotta meet Jace for date night- so see you around losers.” Piper leaves Annabeth with a knowing pinch of her shoulder and she grips her pencil tighter.

“We’re out too,” Leo and Calypso say grabbing their bags and standing up. “Date night waits for no one.” The library quiets down until it’s just Rachel, Percy, and Annabeth. Annabeth glances up to see Rachel and Percy looking at each other, a meaningful look in both of their eyes as if silently speaking to each other, just like she and Percy often did themselves.

Annabeth bites down on her jealousy.

“Oh gods,” Rachel mutters. “I’m late to tutor Octavian.” All three of them visibly grimace at the mention of the blonde idiot and Rachel scurries out of the library.

“Well,” Percy sighs. “Looks like it’s just us again Wise Girl.”

“What’s changed?” She smiles down at her paper. At that moment a text appears on her phone from Hazel.

>> Hey, can’t make movie night tonight, Frank just surprised me with dinner and a movie!!

>> Aw, that’s so sweet :) No issues, next time for sure

Annabeth groans and places her phone down. Percy shoots her a questioning look from behind his laptop screen.

“There go my plans for tonight. Hazel’s out.” Annabeth glances at the clock, figuring it was time to return to the apartment she shared with Piper to finish up some homework.

“Hey, why don’t we do something?” Percy’s voice is awkward when he asks and Annabeth can’t help but think how he sounds just like he did when he was twelve. She turned to him, her curls bouncing in her ponytail behind her. “We haven’t had a movie night since this semester started. Everyone’s out on date’s so let’s have a friend’s date. We can even order takeout.” Percy levels her with a kind smile and Annabeth tried not to melt on the spot.

“I’d love to Percy, I really would. But this project is kicking my ass and-”

“Come on, Annabeth,” he whined. “Pleeeeeeeeease? I’ll even fight the spiders in your apartment for you.” Annabeth’s resolve had cracked at please but she smiled anyway.

She rolls her eyes affectionately, hoping this wasn’t a mistake.

“Come over at six, Seaweed Brain. And don’t even think about coming without food.”

Percy shows up late, unsurprisingly, and Annabeth is in front of the TV with a physics textbook in her lap when he walks in sporting the key to her apartment she had given him months ago.

Annabeth opens her mouth with a quick insult but Percy cuts her off.

“Before you say anything about me being late- I brought you pretzels.” A box of chocolate-covered pretzels falls into her lap a moment later and Percy collapses onto the couch next to her soon after. Annabeth tries her hardest not to lean into him or inhale his scent. It’s easy to think that seawater would smell disgusting. Like seaweed and dead fish. But Percy’s always made it smell good.

“So what are we watching?” Percy asks as Annabeth flips her page. Before she can grab her pencil again, Percy’s hand is over hers, ripping it away and chucking it across the room. Annabeth gapes at him.

“What the hell, Percy? I was using that.” Percy shrugs, opening a bag of popcorn he brought and shoving some in his mouth.

“Not anymore you’re not. Movie night, Wise Girl. Remember?” Annabeth arches a brow and a slice of satisfaction courses through her as he turns a slight shade of gray in nervousness.

“You do realize I’m a forensic science major right?” That as well as architecture. “I could kill you and hide the evidence. No one would ever find the body.” Percy grins, visibly relieved that she’s joking, and relaxes his shoulders. He grabs her textbook from her lap and places it on the ground, grabbing her hand that held the pencil and lacing his fingers through hers instead.

Annabeth shoots him a questioning look and pushes down the blush that’s threatening to pour over her cheeks.

“Gotta make sure you don’t grab that pencil again.” Percy shrugs, putting their hands on his lap as he turns his attention back to the television. At this point, Annabeth is trying her hardest not to combust. So instead she rolls her eyes and puts on Finding Nemo, Percy’s favorite movie. With as much as Annabeth claims to hate it, the way Percy voices each of the characters every time he watches it makes her laugh.

Percy doesn’t say anything as the movie starts, not even to ask why she’s playing a movie she doesn’t like, and the two friends drift into a comfortable silence.

Halfway through the movie, Annabeth is itching to get off the couch. Percy has started playing with her fingers instead of just holding them now, and Annabeth doesn’t think she can handle this much longer. So as Percy is voicing Squirt’s voice cuter than even the original actor can, Annabeth stands up, taking her hand away from Percy’s and ignoring his frown, and grabs her phone, pretending someone’s calling.

“It’s uh… Luke,” she stutters out. Annabeth runs out of the room before she can register the look that flashes over Percy’s face at the mention of the boy from her physics class. The door to her room is slammed shut before she hears Percy’s response and Annabeth hangs her head in her hands.

“Gods, Annabeth! What’s wrong with you? This is Percy!”

Yeah, the Percy that you’re in love with.

So Annabeth pulls herself together. She walks over to her bathroom and splashes a bucketful of freezing water over her face.

“Pull yourself together, Chase.”

When Annabeth walks back out of the room, Percy is on the phone talking to someone. Annabeth realizes he hasn’t heard her door open and she can’t help but lean against her door frame to watch him for a moment.

He really is handsome, she can’t help but notice. He had gone from a cute kid to a handsome guy, and it was starting to keep her up at night.

“I don’t know Rach,” he was saying, and Annabeth fought down the swell of jealousy in her chest. She liked Rachel- she really did. What she didn’t like was how interested she seemed in Percy. The looks Rachel would shoot her when she was talking to Percy didn’t help either. “I just-”

“Percy, I swear to all the gods. If you don’t make a move soon-”

“I can’t just make a move Rachel. She doesn’t feel the same way and I’ve ruined years of friendship.” Rachel sighs from across the line and Annabeth doesn’t think she’s breathing. When Rachel speaks again, she’s clearly frustrated.

“Percy, Annabeth is hot. You have to have noticed that by now.” She states it as a fact and Annabeth holds back a snort. And then she realizes that the conversation is about her. Percy and Rachel are talking about his feelings for her. Annabeth thinks she’s going to faint.

“Yes, Rach. I know she’s hot.” The statement sends a blush to her cheeks and Annabeth fights to stay silent as she watches her best friend squirm.

“Right, and sooner or later, other people are gonna start noticing too. If you don’t say something soon, she’s going to move on, and you’ll really lose your chance.”

“She’s already gone,” he sighs defeated. “I think she’s into that guy Luke from her physics class.” Annabeth wanted to scream. Did he really think she liked Luke? What a Seaweed Brain.

“God Percy, you really are an idiot, aren’t you? All you do is pine over this girl, and if you haven’t realized she’s pining just as hard for you, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Rachel, she’s my best friend. She would never-”

“Like you back?” Annabeth’s voice shocks him so much that he hangs up the phone and drops it on the ground. “Think again, Seaweed Brain.” Annabeth tilts the corner of her mouth into a small smile and comes to sit next to him on the couch.

“A-Annabeth!” he stutters and Annabeth loves the blush that appears on his cheeks. “You- I- when did you- wait what?”

“You’re not seriously saying you didn’t know I’m in love with you.” Annabeth thinks she might be blushing, but she really doesn’t care anymore. Her best friend likes her back.

“You’re what? But I’m in love with you.” Her heart stutters in her chest.

Annabeth’s laugh brings a grin to Percy’s face and she can’t help but brush a kiss to his cheek.

“Funny how that works, huh?”

“Person A and Person B are friends and neither of them have a date for Valentine’s Day, so they decide to order takeout and watch a movie together. At some point, hidden feelings are revealed.”

yeah i love them...

#percyjackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #percabeth fic #jason grace #Piper McLean #rachel elizabeth dare

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northlight14 · 3 years

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Gettin’ bi

(Title inspired by the song “Gettin’ bi” from the show “crazy ex girlfriend”)

Description: Really, all Roman wanted was some time to relax after a long week. But, of coarse, his brother Remus has to come and crash his binge watching session.

TW: caps, cursing, let me know if I need to add anything else

Ships: platonic creativity twins, implied roceit

Genre: human au, high school au (kinda, it’s mentioned they go to high school but that’s it)

Prompt: bisexual (prompt given by @pridewrite2021

(Mild spoilers for the show crazy ex girlfriend!! Also if you haven’t seen it, go watch it because it’s soo good and not as sexist as the title makes it sound! You don’t really need to have seen the show tho to read this)

It had been a long week. Roman had been having to balance home work, art coursework AND practicing for the school show. Not to mention how many arguments he’d gotten into with Virgil about lighting of said show. But now it was finally Friday night and he could breathe.

Roman went straight to change out of his regular clothes and into his silk red pajamas, the material feeling soft against his skin. He then switched off his bedroom light, making the room as dark as possible, flopped onto his bed and switched on his TV to Netflix. He looked through each of the shows on his list that he’d been meaning to watch before changing to his ‘watch again’ list to binge ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend’ for the 5th time. What? Roman knew what he liked.

He clicked onto a random episode before huddling into his white duvet and red and yellow pillows. A few episodes passed, Roman singing along to all the songs having memorised them by now.

‘I really needed this’ Roman thought as the next episode began to play.

Then, as if on que, his brother Remus burst through his door, the light from the hallway blinding Roman.

“Hey dipshit! What we watchin’?” Remus said, jumping onto Romans bed, crushing his legs in the process.

“Ow! Remus!” Roman squawked, pulling his legs away.

“Don’t be a puss.” Remus laughed, nudging his brother in the side and yanking the blanket over towards him.

“Remus!” Roman said, trying and failing to steal his blanket back.

“Sorry Ro-bro, it’s mine now. So, what we watchin?” He asked again.

Resigning himself to the fact that Remus wasn’t going to leave, he answered rather defeatedly, “Crazy Ex Girlfriend.”

“That again? Wait, was that you singing the songs again?! I thought a cat was getting mauled somewhere or something!” Remus laughed as Roman made an offended gasp before hitting his brother in the head with one of his pillows.

“Shut up!”

They were able to get though a few minutes of the episode without too much of an issue. Emphasis on the too much because Roman has a beautiful singing voice thank you very much and those aren’t even the right lyrics Remus and you know it!

That was until a very specific scene started to play.

‘Shit.’ Roman thought. ‘Are we up to this bit already?’

Roman watched very quietly as the character Darryl began to call his co-workers into his office, his back going (ironically) very straight and his discomfort hanging thick in the air.

‘What the heckity heck five abs and one pec am I supposed to do here?’ Roman thought in panic as Darryl began to sing the iconic song ‘Gettin bi’ as he came out to his co-workers. It was one of Romans personal favourites in the series considering he was also bisexual. But also considering no one apart from a few close friends knew that, this was approaching dangerous territory.

‘If I don’t sing this song, that’ll look suspicious!’ Roman thought. ‘But if I do, there’s a very high chance I’ll get too into it and out myself! How the heck to straight people react to this?!’

He eventually opted to humming it slightly, making a comment about how he “doesn’t really know the words to this one,” despite it being on his playlist. Roman then dared a glance at his brother, who was watching the show unbothered. He couldn’t help but wonder what Remus was thinking. Sure, Remus had never said anything homophobic in the past but Roman had met some of his friends and they weren’t exactly the most pleasant of people.

‘Well, most of them.’ Roman thought, blushing slightly as he thought of Janus, Remus’ best friend, before shaking the thought away.

“It’s pretty cool they have so much diversity in this show.” Remus said casually, tossing popcorn into his mouth. (Wait, when did Remus get popcorn?) “I mean, most shows completely ignore bisexual people existing but this guy gets a whole ass song about it.”

Roman couldn’t help the warm, comforting feeling in his chest. “You think?” He said, carefully.

“Well, yeah. Me and one of my friends who’s bi was talking about this yesterday. In shows and movies, they always act like a character can only be either straight or gay but that’s so stupid. They can be bi or pan or poly or omni. They’re just uncreative and erasing a bunch of people.” Remus said, tossing a sweet into his mouth. (Wait, when did Remus get sweets? What the fuck?!)

Roman honestly felt like he could cry. “So you don’t think it’s, like, made up or whatever. Or a phase?” Remus looked at him judgingly.

“Well, obviously not.” He said as if Roman was stupid. “Why, do-oof” Remus was cut off by Roman tackling him into a hug. And yep, Roman was definitely crying now. Remus just seemed to freeze like a deer in headlights.

“Roman, what the hell?” Roman moved away from Remus, frantically whipping tears from his eyes. “Uh...Roman? You alright?”

“I’m...um.” Roman began to choke on the words he was so close to speaking. ‘Am I really about to do this?’ “I’m bisexual.” He quickly said, eyes averting Remus’.

There was a beat.

It surely must have been just a few seconds but God did it feel like an eternity. Roman looked at Remus, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

‘Oh God this was a mistake! He hates you! He’s going to out you to mom and dad and-‘

Remus smirked. “Yeah, and the skys blue, grass is green and snakes have two dicks. What else is new?” Remus laughed.

“I...what?” Roman said, not entirely sure what to say to that, especially that last comment.

“I already knew you weren’t straight, you dork.” Remus smiled, nudging Roman in the shoulder.

“You...what?” Remus just laughed.

“Roman, you’re literally a theatre kid. Plus, anyone with eyes can see you drooling over Janus every time I bring him over.” Roman felt his entire face go red at that. Then he felt a twisting sense of horror in his gut.

“Do mom and dad know?!” He asked, slightly panicked.

“Probably not but I won’t tell them if you’re not ready.” Roman sighed in relief at that.

The two then turned back to the TV. The song had finished and the episode was continuing. Roman felt...strange. Almost as if it wasn’t him who had just come out.

“I’m really proud of you, you know.” Remus said, not taking his eyes off the screen with a small smile on his lips. Roman felt his heart light up, almost like a massive weight had been lifted from his chest.

That was until Remus playfully punched him in the arm.

“Ow! Remus!”

“What? That’s how I show affection!”

This quickly turned into a wrestling match.

Roman was glad things hadn’t changed that much, at least.

————

Reblogs >>> likes

For those who want to listen to the song: here

I’m not saying this was an excuse for me to tell everyone to go watch crazy ex but like...I’m not denying it either😅

#sanders sides #pridewrite2021 #fanfic #pw 3 #north writes #creativity twins #roceit #tw caps #tw cursing #roman sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders

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filmmakerdreamst · 3 years

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How Xena: Warrior Princess Allowed Me To Accept Myself

I was living in a city all alone and these two characters showed me that it was ok for two women to love each other.

In order to understand the following story, there’s something you need to know about me. I have always loved fiction. From the age of about 5 to 11, I loved books more than I loved people. I was a shy child who found it easier to emotionally engage with fictional worlds than the real one around me.

See, fictional worlds are created for your brain’s enjoyment. Their rules make sense. Events happen for a reason. The narrator tells you why characters behave the way they do, allowing you to empathize with them on a deep emotional level. Easy to understand, easy to identify with, easy to love.

But real people are complicated. The real world is complicated. And things are seldom laid out nicely in a coherent narrative format for you. Real things are much harder to love.

This emotional disengagement continued from the age of 11 onwards, although it was no longer as pronounced. My habit of retreating into fiction would fade during good times and come back in force during difficult or stressful periods. During the stressful periods of college, the rise of Netflix allowed me to become certifiably obsessed with my favorite TV shows. And naturally, I joined Tumblr in order to more easily fangirl with people who shared my interests.

Only for some peculiar reason that I didn’t care to examine, my interests were slowly gravitating towards girl-girl couples. Soon I was shipping, reblogging, and reading fanfiction almost exclusively about female couples. But I, who had always considered myself straight despite lacking interest in the boys around me, didn’t think this meant that I was gay. I probably just found female couples more emotionally satisfying. I was friends with mostly women, I was a woman myself, so it was natural that I just understood them better. Yeah, that was probably it.

Fast-forward to nine months ago. I was living in Boston and incredibly depressed about it. My job and my boss were making my life miserable and I had very few people to socialize with. I was making the rough transition from the constant socialization of college to the isolating pressure of a city where I had few connections. My days and nights were some of the loneliest I had ever experienced. I looked for something, anything, to lift the heart-crushing emotional silence.

My solution was the same one I always chose when I was dissatisfied with the real world; obsession with a new TV show. And thanks to my femslash-focused tumblr community, I knew just what my next feel-good show was going to be.

My tumblr friends had told me this: Xena: Warrior Princess is an action-fantasy show that enjoys a cult status, much like Buffy: The Vampire Slayer (which I watched and loved). The two shows were made in the same mid-to-late 90's era, with similar bad special effects and endearing campiness. But XWP is much… MUCH… more gay.

That was about all I knew about the show going in. And amazingly, that was all I needed to know to be excited about watching it. You’d think that fact would have told me something about myself, but no. The mental walls of denial were years in the building and needed more force than that to be shattered.

For anyone unfamiliar with the show’s premise, Xena: Warrior Princess is about the title character and her quest for redemption. You see, Xena did some bad things in her previous life on another show (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys). In her storied career as a warlord, she committed such petty crimes as genocide, the slaughter of innocents, that kind of thing. But now she has seen the light and wants to atone for her crimes. Except she can never undo the terrible things she did. All Xena can do now is help people on a day-to-day basis and hope that it’s enough for someone to show her mercy.

Which is already fantastic from a character standpoint. But there is a secret mirror to Xena’s journey that is not reflected in the show’s title, and that is Gabrielle and her character arc.

Oh! Gabrielle! When I met her in the very first episode, I loved her straightaway. She is a feisty, naive, talkative small-town girl who accompanies Xena on all her adventures. Her character quickly assumes paramount importance in the narrative. Gabrielle is Xena’s only friend. She comes to know her better than anyone else and love her for who she is, all the while believing Xena can reach redemption. Yet Gabrielle is not just a support system for Xena; she goes on her own heroic journey. The two character arcs intertwine and co-develop in a way I have never seen in any show before or since.

As each episode rolled by and their relationship grew in complexity, I found myself more and more engrossed. And I came to realize: this was something I wanted. The day I accepted my own desire was the day I accepted myself. What could be more strangling than denying the existence of your own feelings? Yet I had been doing this to myself for years — cutting off the possibility of being attracted to other women — without even realizing.

Before beginning the show, I thought the fandom had read in between the lines to construct a romantic relationship between the two characters, the same way as femslash shippers do in all other TV shows. Except not this time. This one is mind-blowingly different.

Not only does the narrative place utmost importance on the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, but the actresses bring such multi-dimensional love to their parts. When I saw Lucy Lawless (Xena) and Renee O’Connor (Gabrielle) interact, I could so easily believe that these two women loved each other beyond friendship. Xena and Gabrielle display every kind of love you can think of. They protect and sacrifice for each other. They tease and flirt. They cuddle and console. They have inside jokes with each other. They dance sexily. They play pranks and drive each other crazy. They sweetly kiss. They come back from the dead together. They bathe together. They raise each other’s children. They meet in alternate timelines and fall in love all over again.

I could have left my mental walls of denial in place. I could have said to myself “oh yes, I want this. But with a guy.” But no. Lawless and O’Connor’s incredibly attractive faces and bodies broke down the door of my mental closet. Precisely because they were fictional, I felt safe to admit my attraction to them. One of the key mental blocks I had always had towards accepting any attraction towards other women was the thought that I was being creepy. That since they could not possibly feel the same way about me, it was wrong to feel the way I did. But in my mind, that barrier didn’t exist with fictional characters. They couldn’t feel anything for me. Therefore, it was fine to feel whatever I want about them.

The walls cracked. The water came rushing in. Oh my god. I am attracted to other women. Like, every day of my life. Those flickers in my stomach when I talk to an attractive female coworker suddenly make a whole lot of sense now. I now saw my historical awkwardness when talking to beautiful girls, which I always dismissed as “me being weird”, for what it was. All those short-term girl crushes on older girls throughout high school. How was I so sure they were platonic? That heart-aching infatuation I had with my best friend that lasted for years? Yeah, add that to the ‘definitely gay’ list.

Since then I’ve realized that my feelings are valid regardless of what others feel for me. Just because feelings are unrequited doesn’t mean they aren’t real. That’s what Xena and Gabrielle taught me. Their fictional example was the final blow to my rapidly-crumbling resistance to the idea of homosexuality.

In our culture today, so many forms of media reinforce heteronormativity. How many commercials have you seen that assume attraction between a man and a woman? How many billboards tell women that they need to look sexy for the men in their lives? How many times has a movie ended with the guy getting the girl? It’s the combined action of a thousand small rocks shifting to make a cultural avalanche. You can’t move against it. All you can do is stand still and try to maintain your footing against the current, to maintain your identity in the face of a world where you and people like you are often swept away by the mainstream.

Xena: Warrior Princess is one of those rare stories that dares to go against the grain. It celebrates a romantic relationship between two women as the most natural thing in the world. And in doing so, it provides a mirror for me and people like me to recognize themselves in. There we are. Look at us fly.

This story isn’t over yet. I still have a lot of work to do to accept myself, but thanks to Xena and Gabrielle I’ve taken one huge step towards living the open life I want to live. I moved on from that horrible job and lonely city, but in the end I’m grateful. Grateful that circumstances pushed me to the depths of loneliness necessary to bring down the prison I had built in my own mind.

- How Xena: Warrior Princess Allowed Me To Accept Myself by Lyra Hall

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maariarogers · 3 years

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Thoughts on True Beauty and Why I’m On Team Suho

Ever since the tv show started, I’ve begin thinking and noticing for a while now that, more than anything, I’m more #TeamSuho than I am #TeamSeojun.

And the thought of “why do I think like that?” kept repeating in my head, because, if I’m honest, the casualness that Seojun and Jugyeong shared early in the series (I’m talking webtoon and, truth be told, a bit of the tv series) really struck me as them having a much easier and playful, therefore fun, relationship. Which makes for an interesting dynamic than what Jugyeong had with Suho.

So, here are my thoughts why I think I prefer Suho with Jugyeong towards the end.

To warn, this is, firstly, have nothing against any of the characters or the ships! I’m merely sharing an in-depth analysis of my thoughts on my own view why I prefer Suho with Jugyeong. Secondly, I’ll be referencing a lot of the webtoon rather than the tv series (although I feel like I’d like to spill my thoughts on that soon, so I don’t know if that long analysis of “why I surprisingly find myself enjoy the adaptation more than I thought I would” is coming soon, buuuut yeah, we’ll see) so, please be aware of spoilers.

As reference, I’m currently at Chapter 124 of the English-translated version of True Beauty as I’m writing this, but I am aware of spoilers ahead of the chapters.

Another Warning: This is so long. Oh my god. How did I manage to write it this long? So. There’s that.

Okay. So. What brought this on?

Honestly, it was just the excitement from knowing that True Beauty was airing soon and I was just so interested to see the dynamics the actors were going to play out rather than just seeing the characters across the a page screen in comic strips as I’ve been following them since I stumbled into the webtoon about, yikes, a year ago?

But – more than anything, I just really wanted to see how Suho played out.

1. So, What’s The Deal With Suho?

If I’m honest, I’ve always thought that Suho is laughably (yikes) boring. Not necessarily in a bad way, no! I actually think it’s one of the things that’s made him quite appealing — in ways that, in other settings, I would have actually found him uninteresting and easily passable as a main lead. But not in this particular world.

To add: the Author also referenced this many, many times throughout the webtoon. Quite brilliantly, in fact — specifically, from Sua’s point of view, as she points out quite a few times that, besides from Suho’s looks, “he’s really got nothing going on for him” or that “he’s boring”. (I frickin’ love Sua in both the webtoon and tv show!)

This was also a really important plot device during the Prince of Princes (Did I get this name right? Omg) competition TV show when the influencer (again, I really can’t be bothered with what’s-his-name) actually called Suho out for basically “not trying his best” when everybody else was clearly giving his all. This triggered Suho to actually act outside of his comfort zone and actually wanted to pose for a sexy photoshoot.

I do also honestly think he’s clinically depressed on top of just having had naturally adapted a much calmer composure to compare with an easily expressive Jugyeong and a very charismatic Seojun. But the thing is, the author really made Suho “boring” on purpose — and the best thing is? It works.

Because as much as Suho is “expressionless” — as in, he doesn’t really emote whatever his feelings as honest or as obvious as the other two leads — he can still carry his character well. Like Jugyeong has learned over time, we start to figure out that, oh, Suho has to put his act together because his father’s famous and he doesn’t want to tarnish that reputation. He’s ruthless to admirers because he’s logical about rejecting unwanted advances. He’s surprisingly rigid and slightly cold, but only because he’s used to only have himself as company.

In all honesty, I’m still trying to wrap my head around Suho. I still don’t quite understand why I’m so fascinated by his personality when, if those sort of “dark brooding” tropes were played in other medias, I would have rolled my eyes and rejected it instantly for how much it’s overplayed.

But I didn’t. Not with Suho.

Perhaps, an angst-lover at heart, his unrequited relationship with Jugyeong really struck with me. His patience when he’s obviously hurting as Jugyeong dismissed their almost-romance, or when Seojun and her were being lovey-dovey in front of him was really incredible. Suho rarely lost his composure, which was quite a feat considering as readers we know he still has lingering feelings towards Jugyeong, and I felt like that spoke volume about his character.

(Besides that, Suho was always so incredibly respectful — not only towards Jugyeong but also towards Seojun. Seojun obviously learned it much later on, but Suho never once carried any ill-intention when he learned Seojun and Jugyeong were together. In fact, again and again, he congratulated and cheered them on, even when we knew later that he feels awful for the lost chances. Still, Suho never acted violently or aggressively. Not once. It was only Seojun who had easily misunderstood him and thus, reacted badly.)

(Although again, that’s so brilliant on the author — because Seojun’s quick-temper is such a staple and big part of what made Seojun Seojun. I’m happy that he acted that way, because that meant his characteristics are consistent from when we first saw him in the webtoon. Of course, that doesn’t mean the temper in and of itself is always good, but — it’s realistic for him.)

2. So, Why Jugyeong and Suho?

Now, this is the part where it gets tricky.

A lot of the fans — some of which are my own friends, and people I knew — abandoned the webtoon because the drama has gotten “tacky” or Jugyeong’s growth has been “stunted” for a few chapters. I can’t say I totally disagree, because I do see there’s quite a lag in the plot, buuuuuuut.... I do feel like the author adds that in on purpose.

Of course! I might be wrong! But hear me out.

I think it’s on purpose because it wants to show the development of Seojun and Jugyeong’s relationship – and why it didn’t work. (Again, anything can happen; I’m only at Ch124, so things might still change for Team Seojun!) Of course, for all those who are aware of the spoilers, the answer was simple: they didn’t work because the agency asked Jugyeong to stop dating Seojun due to his rising status as an idol.

It’s more than that, though.

I’ve also been reading a few comments and some of them pointed out how they thought that Jugyeong has always seemed more relaxed and more playful when she’s with Suho than she is when she’s with Seojun. But... I do have to slightly disagree. Only slightly. Because, if we review the arc during their high school when Jugyeong liked Suho, she was obviously more comfortable and were able to tease and be more playful with Seojun — but she was a little guarded with Suho, which was understandable. She didn’t want to look bad in front of her crush.

I’ve always felt a little threatened at this point because, man, Seojun and Jugyeong’s chemistry was so, so good during this arc. I love Seojun, I really do. He is such a nice and considerate man in ways that I really didn’t think he could be when we saw him as a teenager — but the author really pulled him off well. And he’s so sweet, too? So loyal? Ugh.

The downside is, though — he doesn’t push Jugyeong.

More than that, their relationship (perhaps because they were each other’s first true, committed relationship) really caused each other massive anxiety. Jugyeong wasn’t really honest all the time due to this — not her feelings and not her concerns, and Seojun became an unnecessarily worry-wart even when he shouldn’t be. This had, several times, led him to become inconsiderably possessive i.e. during the time he fought with Suho when Suho had only wanted to help.

Of course, they sort the issue out in the end and Seojun started to reform himself to be an even better partner. But... you can tell, in a lowkey sort of way, that the good-feeling they had when they were just friends, it isn’t really there anymore. They don’t really have fun together. (Although maybe that’s just because Seojun became busy and/or the author skip most of their dates along, so — I might be biased a bit regarding this!)

But with Suho, even as friends, Suho has always pushed Jugyeong — more than just about her bare face, he pushed her to pursue what she wants to do. Not only that, he encouraged it; he helped her.

Which is why I think the plot became slightly stagnant in the moment: because, like Jugyeong, we’re focusing too much on her relationship with Seojun and what would it mean when Seojun became an idol. We’re carried along with her anxiety, with their upside down, with Jugyeong’s worries. We’re stuck in Jugyeong’s first relationship — and that’s it.

But with Suho, the plot moves: Suho pushes Jugyeong to study, Suho talks to her about her ambitions, Suho makes her confronts her fears, and one of the best parts of the series so far — when Suho was consulting her after Selena scolded Jugyeong for messing up on set — Suho recognised what she wants to do, what she likes to do, and he encourages her for it. He comforts her, and tells her to not give up. So now, we see her wanting to try her best in wanting to help Selena.

With Suho, I feel as if... Jugyeong’s focus grows more than just her being upset about one single relationship. Suho’s calamity and logic straightforwardness probably helps — it doesn’t cause as much anxiety as Suho’s relatively honest, which Jugyeong can depend on and seems to explicitly trust — and Jugyeong’s story, once again, grows to be more than just another love story.

It’s become a story of her trying to find a place in the world again, of her trying to figure out what exactly she can do for herself despite all these obstacles and hurdles.

I’m not saying with Seojun, she doesn’t go through any character development at all, no — but her focus tends to single-handedly narrow towards Seojun directly and their relationship, and it leaves very little for Jugyeong to really consider anything else, specially her own growth, which is equally important.

With Suho, she’s just able to do that a bit better, and we can see she’s slightly more comfortable too.

(And, before anybody comes at me, yes, I do think Jugyeong pushes Suho too. She literally recommends Suho books that he doesn’t seem he was going to read anytime soon, or he could’ve overlooked it easily — but she does that. She pushes him out of his comfort zone and suggested a new author / series. And Suho reads it, and he learns that he likes it. It’s the same when she recommends the music app. Or the hairdo. She’s always been a giant force pushing Suho forward; Suho’s always trying to change and/or improve himself when Jugyeong comes in.)

3. Conclusion

This is sooo long so I thank you if you’ve made it this far! I’m just really, really happy with the TV series and these thoughts about why I adore Suho have been nagging at me.

I hope everyone likes the full analysis of my messy thoughts as much as I enjoyed writing it fully on a whim at 1am.

#True Beauty #Lee Suho #Team Suho #teamsuho #suho x jugyeong #meta #true beauty meta

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dinosaurtsukki · 4 years

Text

housemates with shiratorizawa

helloo!! new headcanon series here hehe. i hope you like this very long set of headcanons!

how you ended up in a house with these guys:

they're such a tight-knit bunch considering the fact that they've been living in a dormitory throughout high school

it was probs semi or kawanishi who suggested getting an extra roommate to help with the rent (tendou and goshiki are accident prone they need someone to help pay for repairs)

so ushijima made and put up an ad for an extra housemate. although he didn't disclose the fact that you'd be rooming with 7 other dudes

you were kind of desperate for some housing at this point so you just went with it

the person who greets you at the door is shirabu. but its more like he saw you, your bag, and went back inside the house leaving the door open

you stood there for a whole ten minutes before kawanishi came up to invite you inside

you're instantly greeted by goshiki and semi cleaning the house like crazy. semi was punching a couch cushion so that it looked an extra soft pillow

tbh the only normal you see are ushijima and reon. they're probs the ones who interviewed you to see if you were a good fit as their housemate

despite how weird your first impressions of some of your housemates were, you were still keen to move in

and then that's when tendou decided to come home from the pet shop with an iguana

living there:

you're roommate ends up being shirabu because no one else wanted to room with him (jk they all drew straws and he was lucky)

he's a pretty good roommate: clean, keeps to himself, doesn't play music too loudly

except the fact that he ALWAYS HOGS THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM

the bathroom might as well just be his because it's FULL of beauty products. also shirabu takes a million years to get ready that at this point, everyone uses the downstairs bathroom

lmao y'all get your revenge tho by using some of shirabu's products when he's gone

its particularly you, semi, tendo, and kawanishi who like to do that

kawanishi: *walks past shirabu*

shirabu: bitch, did you use my fucking Splash of Pomegranate with Exfoliating Sesame Seeds: Rainforest of the Sun Bath and Body Works shower gel?

kawanishi:...no?

semi and reon are both roommates and are probably the most normal people in the house which is saying something

also idk why i feel like they both have a thing for scented candles but they're too shy to tell anyone

like,,, they have a closet full of scented candles and everything

reon: hey, want me to light up Spring Lake or Summer's Kiss?

semi: Summer's Kiss all the way

that's why they always keep their door locked and whenever someone knocks, they quickly snuff out the candle and fan the smoke out of the windows

you: whoa, why does it smell so nice here?

semi: ...air freshener

is kawanishi the only sane, normal person in the house? yeah, probably

he's the one who remembers to get groceries and buy toilet paper and shit and he's so happy he has you to help him out

the thing is though, he's a NOTORIOUS prankster. like, nobody suspects him because they assume its tendou who put packets of ketchup under the toilet seat but no, it was kawanishi

but his favorite person to mess with is his roommate: goshiki

okay goshiki is a Heavy Sleeper and one night you and kawanishi decided to draw criss-cross stocking marks on his legs with permanent marker

goshiki is an alright housemate. he's polite, does his assigned chores, rarely gets into your privacy

but oh my god every morning at 5 am he wakes up the entire house BY BLENDING PROTEIN SHAKES

you and shirabu considered soundproofing your room or chaining goshiki to his bed

ONE OF THE HOUSE'S GREATEST MYSTERIES: how does goshiki cut his hair?

tendou knows you've been dying to know why so one day he's all 'do you really wanna know?' and you're like 'HECC YEAH' and he takes your arm and brings you to goshiki's room

in there you find him with a bowl on his head and cutting along the rim with his scissors

shirabu is also with him but he has a ruler for his bangs

its the only time they ever get along

tendou and ushijima has hands-down the most chaotic room set-up

for one, half of it, ushijima's half, looks like a traditional japanese house

you know that scene in BNHA where todoroki was showing off his room? yes that one

y'all are like 'how was he able to bring tatami mats in his room?'

and then tendou's half looks like a weird-ass storage room complete with an iguana tank (yes he kept it)

tendou probs has those color-changing lights too

and the funny part about it is that both ushijima and tendou are completely okay with the set-up

also tendou has the most irregular schedule ever. like,,, circadian rhythms just wasn't installed in the being that is Tendou Satori

like,, he'll be making mac and cheese at 3 am and just enter your room asking if you want anything

you: WHY WOULD I WANT MAC AND CHEESE AT 3 AM???

shirabu, who's still awake because he's a med student: i'll have some

ushijima on the other hand has such a set schedule and daily routine. he's the definition of 'working like clockwork'

you guys even use him as your clock because why not?

you: guys what time is it?

reon: ushijima just left for his morning run so probably 7am

the only thing is that ushijima,,, generally doesn't cook??

and by that he likes to eat raw vegetables. no seasoning, no nothing

and he always offers to make people snacks and he does it so sincerely that you can't help but accept his snacks

*insert scene of you eating raw carrots at 11 pm while studying*

house incident: everyone being a closeted fan of Naruto

everyone in shiratorizawa is a closeted naruto fan (except for a few but we’ll be discussing) and no i don’t accept criticism on this

goshiki MAY have rock lee’s signature bowl cut and sometimes walks around the house in leg weights but he doesn’t say who he copies them from outright

but EVERYONE ELSE

you started having your suspicions when you walked into semi and reon’s room looking for a pencil and found semi sitting in bed with a pile of tissues around him and his laptop on his lap

you guys stare at each other for a while and semi just quickly yells “I WAS WATCHING PORN”

you: I DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU’RE WATCHING

my boy semi was actually crying to that part in naruto when zabuza and haku died

his roommate reon on the other hand has a secret tattoo

it’s a sharingan tattoo and its on his back, just between his shoulder blades, which is why he doesn’t go around shirtless (his favorite character is itachi don’t @ me)

reon probably owns an akatsuki cloak too

kawanishi has an ENTIRE playlist of the naruto opening and ending tracks that he got from youtube and converted into mp3 format on youtube mp3 converter which he then downloaded and organized into a playlist with the album art when he was thirteen

sometimes you’ll hear him whistling Ikimono Gakari and everyone in the house is all 👂👂👂

tendou is the only one not lowkey about it but he’s not lowkey about anything he likes

and then one day you and tendou are in the kitchen and ushijima decides to watch tv while eating breakfast

while flipping through the channels he comes across the rock lee vs. gaara fight and he just decides to watch while eating

tendou’s like ‘wakatoshi? do you,,, like naruto?’

ushijima: is this naruto? it looks pretty cool

AND THEN YOU AND TENDOU JUST AMBUSH HIM AND GO INTO A TED TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME NARUTO IS

while you’re busy ranting about it, semi, goshiki, and reon, who recognize the unmistakable Sounds of Naruto, creep downstairs

semi: oh, cool. it’s naruto

reon: yeah, used to watch it when i was a kid

goshiki: hmm, seems like an alright show

and then USHIJIMA LOOKS AT GOSHIKI AND THEN AT ROCK LEE AND JUST GOES

‘hey, you remind me of that guy’

AND GOSHIKI ALMOST CRIES

reon and semi end up sitting on the couch, trying to hold in their middle-school selves while watching

and then kawanishi comes in and he’s just like OH MY GOD NARUTO!!

now almost everyone in the house is watching. at that part when rock lee drops his weights reon and semi jump off the couch and cheer

they can’t hold themselves back anymore

last but not the least, shirabu, who came back from class, walks into the living room to find all of his housemates cheering and crying in front of the TV that’s playing naruto

shirabu: omg u guys are lame

goshiki, sobbing: WE’RE NOT LAME IF WE FOLLOW OUR NINJA WAY

shirabu: welL, OBVIOUSLY THE BEST FIGHT SCENE IS WHEN NARUTO AND ROCK LEE GO AGAINST KIMIMARO YOU UNCULTURED FUCKS

and then he runs up to his room before coming down with THE FULL BLU-RAY DISC SET OF NARUTO ALL THE WAY UNTIL SHIPPUDEN

basically you guys end up watching naruto all day and semi finally admitted that he wasn’t watching porn the day you came into his room

taglist (still open to anyone who wants in!): @montys-chaos @miyumtwins @strawberriimilkshake @pocubo @sugawara-sweetheart@akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan@therainroguefanfiction@atetiffdoesart@stephdaninja@oikaw-ugh@charliefredb@dramaqueenweeb1469@tremblinghearts@applepienation@doodleniella

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