#on god they did not need to make one of the greatest boss fight themes of all time for a fucking. mechanical fish

[surprisebitch]

Finished Endwalking 🌟Overall, it was a fitting and epic conclusion to a 10-year arc. The expansion cements FFXIV as one of the greatest, maybe the best, Final Fantasy game personally. I do have some thoughts 🧵

First, I think there were pacing issues. For the most part, Endwalker has a very strong and epic story. But the Lopporits arc could have been better paced, especially towards the end in the Labyrinth. Had post ARR flashbacks performing chores for the Ark and back and forths... Also, I have to admit.. I felt while Zodiark was an epic fight that felt like a final boss. The buildup towards it felt rushed. Maybe integrating meeting the Loloporrits first before Zodiark wouldve been better like we first get to the Lolopporrits before Hythlodaeus then Zodiark. Fandaniel couldve made a ruckus involving the Lolopporits too and we couldve tried saving them and beating Zodiark at the same time. I know this is probably my nitpicky need to want some drama but the downtime in the ark felt dragging to me that I just wanted to get to the next. I did not feel this way in Shadowbringers.. i think SHB was very well paced and every step of the journey was exciting. EW had ordinary moments. So yes this is nitpicky and feel free to disagree. Mostly though, the high highs offset the weak moments.

I would say that Elpis is the second best part in the expansion. I loved the questline and learning more about the ascians, creation magicks. What Emet was like before being tempered.. and Venat. I could not stop playing cause I just wanted to know more. The first being Ultima Thule.. I think Ultima was very strong and I enjoyed the buildup towards the final day. I also enjoyed learning bout other civilizations. I love the quest title glitches and the music starting distorted then becoming a song. Very self-aware. I also really loved the Thavnair Final Days arc.. god how could I have forgotten to mention that here! Garlemald Final Days was very good too. Very dark yet hopeful moments.

The music is amazing. I love Endwalker theme. If there's anything nitpicky, I wish they had more original songs instead of doing a rework or reprise of songs we have heard before. But maybe this was done for nostalgic purposes, so I will let it slide. The maps are amazing. Although, I think Garlemald felt too much like Coerthas, so it'd be my least fave. Thavnair, Elpis, Ultima, and Sharlayan are *chef's kiss* though. Love the music in these cities too. I also love how the map changes like during Final Days (reminds of ShB)

The dungeons were super fun. Tower of Zot being least fave but the fights were interesting enough. Babil, Vanaspati, AitiaScope are great too. My fave dungeons are Ktisis and Dead Ends. In Dead Ends, we see all the worlds Meteion witnessed and it felt so cinematic. The trials were very fun too! All were super fun fights and amazing boss designs. Zodiark, Hydaelyn, and Endsinger had interesting mechanics and were very vibrant encounters. Epic experiences and the buildups were exciting too.

For characters.. I am so thankful the Scions are heavily involved. It continues the strength from ShB. Before ShB, the WoL did everything. Im glad in EW, it feels like a legit FF game, and i deliberately played with Trust parties in key dungeons + trials to immerse myself more. I love that many early NPCs got mentioned and played significance in this story. Everyone played a role and had involvement. It makes me really appreciate the 10 year long journey.. We made so many friends and connections and they all became our allies (even the primals)

The NPCs in this expansion are memorable and strong too. Julles, Erenville, Nidhana, Vrtra, and more.. even Fourchenault's development was great to witness. like this game really knows how to make interesting and significant NPCs. No one feels insignificant.

I love Hermes is complex. I love Meteion is an example of machine learning gone wrong.. a simple command caused the final days and I think that reflects the dangers of technology and how mankind might be responsible for our Earth's demise. Anything can happen. But despite this, we continue living. There's suffering in the world, but there's hope. I think Meteion and Hermes reacting the way they did are valid and reflective of how people can react to despair. Such great characters. Venat, Hythlodaeus and Emet are amazing too

I love how Hythlodaeus and Emet reappeared for an encore.. the last push to help the WoL get to Meteion. It was poetic. although it might seem too convenient for some, I feel the purpose was clear enough and fits the narrative. I can never get enough of the bfs and Emet's snaps. Zenos is surprisingly a villain I ended up liking. Hated his guts in SB, but I like how he is that character who is so bored that the only excitement he found came from his battle with WoL. Ever since, he did ways to provoke & even help us in his selfish conquest to FEEL again

We also got to fully explore the Scions and what makes them stand out. This was magnified when they confronted the despair in front of them. I thought ShB did an amazing part showcasing them but EW surpassed my expectations. I love seeing their growths and developments.

For themes.. I love dynamis. I think it mirrors the forces in life we cannot control, so it gave a richer lore in FFXIV. Some may feel it kinda appeared out of nowhere, but I think it was nice that it was something besides aether and concerned emotions, which was the key to this. Elpis, the flower being the key to everything was an amazing narrative. At first, we just were confused how come a flower that changes colour will be what answers everything.. btu that buildup was oh so satisfying. It's reflective of how Mother Hydaelyn has always watched over us

Some may think Hope vs Despair is such a cliche and overdone trope.. but I personally think the execution here was well done. I feel it was fitting that EW would tackle this theme eventually. Coupled with the fact, this is the fruit that we sow after our journey since ARR. Life's purpose was fully explored in Endwalker. Why do we live? What makes us not want to live? What gives us purpose to keep living? So many scenarios explored and we experienced the despair.. but we also witnessed the hope and how it can prevail and give us the will to continue.

This expansion was so inspiring. There were times I felt inadequate and discouraged.. but Endwalker reminds me to keep on the fight. I know there are many opportunities out there. I can explore further. I'm thankful for this game reminding me of this. I enjoyed Endwalker fully. and I'm glad that FFXIV does not conclude here. I'm ready to do the post EW quests and see where the story will take us next. FFXIV is truly the game that always has surpassed my expectations. I can not highly recommend this game enough. It's really the best game series ever ♥️😸

#ffxiv #endwalker

[reksink]

for the silly hollow knight ask:

ghost

hornet

cornifer

myla

the grey mourner

pure vessel

Man I'm gonna have to write an essay's worth, hehe

Ghost: Why did you decide to play Hollow Knight?

What really started to kick things off was seeing all of the wonderful fanart for it! (Especially from my mutuals, ALL of you caused this /lh) Over time I just got really curious, but I was also under the impression that it’d be way too hard of a game for me, so I foolishly just bunched a ton of lore videos. Eventually I snapped, and decided to finally buy it! And I am so glad I did, I love this game so much!! I’ve always been a soft fan of metroidvanias, and Hollow Knight made my love for the genre skyrocket!

I really wish I didn’t spoil myself like that though. I would have loved to have a fresh experience with the lore and character for myself first. Still hooked in though, and now I have over 160 hours in this game about the bugs that be people. (Shout out to Path of Pain counting for 20 hours of that. Never again)

Hornet: Favorite boss battle? Most difficult boss?

Favorite: Pure Vessel. To make my thoughts as TLDR as possible: Everything in that battle feels earned. Every hit, every dodge, every moment to heal, the fact you can even fight them at all, you’ve earned it. The fight swells with pure emotion and focus. The wonder triumph I felt after beating them at the end of the pantheon-finally getting my 112% completion-is a feeling I’ll remember for years to come.

Honorable Mention: Dung/White Defender. I love Ogrim’s fights so much, but the fear and horror I was in when I first saw his pile of dung in the Royal Waterways will haunt me forever.

Most difficult: Nightmare King Grimm. 8 hours of work for that one baby!! When you finally understand the rhythm to the fight, it flows so well, but while you’re trying to figure it all his punishments are BRUTAL.

Honorable Mentions: The Watcher Knights, I HATED THOSE BITCHES. But now I kill them all in like 2 minutes during my pantheon runs. I have slaughtered my tormentors.

Cornifer: Favorite area in the Hallownest?

God, this one is gonna be difficult, I love nearly all of the areas ingame (Some more than others, but shhh) The first that comes to mind would be the City of Tears, more so the scene where you get to sit with Quirrel on the bench. The city is lonely, but knowing that at least for little while you have someone to sit with, was something really special.

In a more general scene, Greenpath! I'm a sucker for green and plants, plus they have my favorite enemies and lore bits!! And of course The Hunter is there, the lonely lanky man himself 💚

Honorable mention: Weaver's den. I love their bits so much. (Also the poor weavers that cared about Hornet so much that they're wills turned into Weaver's Song breaks my heart 💔)

Myla: What's your favorite song from the soundtrack?

I naturally never have favorite songs, but I can list the ones that rot my brain!

Sealed Vessel, Nightmare King Grimm, Mantis Lords/Sisters of Battle, Greethpath, City of Tears, Queen's Garden, White Lady, Hornet/Daughter of Hallownest, & Lace (Lace's theme typically counts as a Silksong track, but for now I'm counting it)

Honorable mention: Myla's singing. Infection be damned, my girl can sing!

The Grey Mourner: Who would you give a delicate flower to, if you could?

Cloth!! Considering where she is most of the time, it'd be difficult as all hell, but I’d love to see her with one! She’d possibly break it by accident, but just seeing her have a little holding flower sprite for it would be the greatest of blessings.

Pure Vessel: What game achievement are you the most proud of?

Typically I don't have it yet because I need to get an ending again, but it has to be getting 112%. During my playthrough I kept joking about how I'd never be able to get 112%, BUT I DID BABY, 142 HOURS OF HARD WORK.

#ask #ufofunk #ask game #long post #Rambling about Hollow Knight my beloved 🙏💚

[alchemania]

Alright I've had some time to ponder about the archon quest and let it sit in my bones... and let me just say, I adored it. With like...every fiber of my being this was SO cool. First of all, the character interactions were fantastic: Kuki being like a mom friend, Itto and Paimon fighting (although she was kinda mean to him like geez man calling him a useless boss? he does know how to fight and get things done when need be so that really annoyed me), Yelan being like the big tough level headed sister ... wonderful.

The whole plot of the domain using their imagination against them was also awesome I love creepy mind games like that in media where the protagonist's own mind is their greatest asset and biggest enemy simultaneously that scratches such an itch in my head. Mwah. Everyone seeing their own worst fears was interesting to watch (squinting at how Paimon didn't look in the door though hmm...many thoughts) and then when we...met up with Xiao I couldn't stop giggling at the interaction like "You need to stay away, I'll hurt you-"

Yanfei: We're ALREADY in danger..

Xiao: Oh on Rex Lapis??? Don't move I'm omw-

I was really worried about him ngl, especially when Yanfei explained what wills were and he was just "Oh ..what if I make one rn-"

The entire rest of the team: WHAT--

Like straight up he just low key expressed he was ready to die I know Xiao's not really okay but...I didn't realize it was that bad, good god. Considering everything he's been through I get it but that didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.

Things I don't see people talking about much though is how quickly Xiao thinks on his feet: like when you fight Bosacius, he uses Rex Lapis against him to get him to lower his guard; and when the crew is getting out of the Chasm, when Xiao's just about out of energy, instead of trying to run on fumes to the top, he uses the last of his energy to warp everyone else out. That's ingenious!!! He's such a smart little guy I love him :}

This part had me almost hollering out loud: it hurt a lot, Yelan realizing what Xiao was going to do but not being fast enough to stop it (it hurts even more when you remember that Yanfei tells you she's lost comrades and friends in the past as well so her last thoughts before getting warped out were probably 'somebody i care about is going to die again and i was too late to help' ouch ouch OUCH OUCH); as tough as she was with Xiao it was outta concern and care for him, yanno? Tough love and all that :')

Xiao's theme being remixed when they were all working together to fight the ghost like beings was also a highlight of the quest for me, and I don't see anyone else talking about that. Did anybody else hear that??

Bosacius, good old Bosacius.... getting more yaksha lore destroyed me emotionally, in the best way. Knowing that they are were a little family and then the karma stole that away....I'm unwell....they all seemed so happy and god. God!!! I'm so sad. But I'm at least happy Bosacius remembered who he was before he died, and his family too, and died nobly; and the Bosacius that attacked us was just an illusion (if I understand correctly, anyway)

(Never gonna be over him being like "My brothers and sisters have come for me," either. That's gonna haunt me I'm SO emotional)

Zhongli coming in clutch!!!! I was so afraid that Xiao was going to die, he had death flags everywhere and then when he started falling back into the Chasm I genuinely thought that was it; especially when he closed his eyes (he was so ready to die, guys. he was so ready to go. that hurts a lot) and then Zhongli.......ouh ....I almost gasped when I saw the golden light just ZHONGLI!! HE'S HERE!!! OH MY GOD!! What I wanna know is when did Xiao learn that he's Rex Lapis? ..to be fair, Zhongli looks just like the statues so it probably wasn't hard to piece together, but still.

Us telling Xiao he's not a burden and he should stay around the people who make him happy and that we should all take care of each other....that really got me in my feelings, especially when Xiao talked about how even though the world is cruel and hard there's beauty in it, there's good in it too .. and him agreeing to look after each other..he's healing, guys. He's realizing he's not a burden and he can trust and rely on people, and he has people who love him and want him around. Man!!!!! Man. As someone who tends to self isolate a lot, that especially felt like a punch to the gut, what with "people need each other to survive". . we really do we're wired to be little communities and look after each other!!! It's how we stay happy and idk, it just touched me; when MC was like "you're not a burden" it felt like she was looking through the screen right at me just "yes, that means you too" and man. I guess it touched my soul a little bit. .I felt all soft afterwards in the best way.

Anyway, Zhongli trolling us was funny as hell. More of that, please.

10/10 quest. I LOVED this event. Xiao opening up and getting friends again has me punching the wall!!!!!!!!

#genshin spoilers #im so emotional #im still not over this #i didn't cry but man my chest hurt SO badly #so so bad i was legitimately in physical pain #idk what i would've done if xiao actually died but thank god he's alright

[thefallenbibliophilequote]

If you’ll have me

Bucky x insecure!reader

Summary: my entry to “The Other Punk’s 500 Writing Challenge” by the lovely @buckys-other-punk I chose the prompt: “I want you to remember: you deserve this”

The reader moves to the avengers compound, she soon learns how easy it is to fall for a certain supersoldier and how easy it is to give into the lies your brain tells you, and how hard it is to see your own worth in a building full of superheroes.

Warning: panic attacks, self-image issues, anxiety, bad writing, fluff of course, all the themes from the 2012 avengers mindset, endgame!steve is non-existent and everyone is alive bc wow I changed the timeline!

Word count: 4,677

A/N: this prompt could have gone in a spideypool comic kinda way- sarcastic and witty and funny; Or in the direction that I took, I’m at a rough spot so I decided to write the kind of fic that I could use right now. This is the first time I’m sharing my writing, to anyone. So hopefully my nerves won’t be the death of me.

A/N 2: so, I planned this to be around 2k but it got out of hand and the characters did whatever they wanted, I had no control and so the plot is different than what I originally thought.

—

You can’t say no to Tony Stark, you learned that very early on in your friendship. It was absolutely impossible. So when he out of the blue showed up at your apartment at 2am with a request to move out of your house and into the Avengers compound… you knew there was no way out.

Unlike your best friend, you were more introverted, the thought of moving into a big compound full of superheroes and gods was scary for a civilian. But tony needed you, and you are nothing if not loyal to him.

Ever since the fight between tony and Steve, he told you how lonely he felt in the big tower, after they made peace and settled back into the tower- even though they talked it out and were understanding, tony wanted you around.

“It’s to ease the tension, you are easy to get along with, they will all love you. And you got me to talk about my emotions so maybe you could help them. A little normal in our chaotic life, it’s purely logical.” He said to you, but you could read him better than that. Yes, his argument was logical, but he just wanted a friend.

So of course, you agreed. Working for Pepper was so much better than your old stupid job, she was an angel compared to your mean boss. So a month later you moved into the compound and settled in with Pepper on your new job as her assistant.

When you first met the infamous Winter Soldier he was back from a visit to Wakanda just a few days after you moved in. You noticed his left arm was different from what you’ve seen on the news- it was now black and a little golden, no red star in sight.

He was laughing with The Falcon and ran his fingers through his short hair when tony walked with you into the common room his arm around your shoulder as you walked towards the two avengers. Tony told you everything, so you knew about their past and while he told you how they both decided to move on from that you where still a little nervous.

“Y/N meet: Birdie and Spiky.” Tony gestured forward as he took you to meet the two avengers “Guys, this is the incredible Y/N.”

“I’m Sam, pleasure to meet you.” He nodded to you and shook your hand “this is Spiky.”

“Spiky? Really Tony, you could do better than that, my hair is not that spiky.” He shook his head but you could hear the amusement in his voice. That was a good sign you thought, but that was before he looked at you and you saw his eyes, the blue piercing through your soul. “I’m Bucky.”

“Y/N” you raised your left hand to shake his, you could see a slight tension forming in his eyes as he raised his vibranium hand to meet yours, eyes studying you. You smiled at him.

He flashed you a smile that made your heart skip a bit. This is definitely going to be a problem.

“Are you a new recruit?” Sam had asked you then.

“Oh no, I’m just a friend.” You looked at tony with a smirk “apparently this guy can’t function without me so I decided to move here, for the sake of saving the world from the worst cook ever.”

“It was one time Y/N! I did not mean to blow up your microwave.” Tony looked betrayed as he looked at you.

“I present to you one of the world’s greatest mechanics ladies and gentlemen!” you waved your hands towards Tony. You could see the amusement in his eyes, giving in his failed look of annoyance.

“I already regret my decision,” he groaned and rolled his eyes at you. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Well, it was very nice to meet you Y/N,” Bucky redirected the conversation to you again, A sincere look on his face. “I hope we will see you around more then.”

“Unfortunately, we have to go, Cap is waiting for us.” Sam nodded towards you and Tony. You returned a goodbye before tony swept you away to show you his new project.

“What was it back there lover boy?” Sam teased Bucky when you were out of earshot. Bucky looked back at you and shook his head.

“Don’t know what you are talking about, Wilson.”

“Sure” Sam laughed at him but let it go.

As much as you hated to admit that tony was right, it didn’t take long for the team to warm up to you and take you as one of their own. Two weeks later and you found your place there. Natasha and you became quite close as you, Wanda, and Pepper occasionally had girls night.

Tony was smug all day long when one day at the lab Bruce told you that you’re very calming to have around. When Steve and Sam agreed and said it could have a good effect on the team Tony’s smugness somehow increased. It was very annoying. No one should ever let Tony be proved right.

Thor was the biggest puppy you have ever met, basically a Labrador. You found out his slight obsession with pop tarts, and you took it on yourself to educate him on some pop culture because let’s be honest who would turn down an opportunity to watch your favorite movies with someone who wouldn’t object to any of them. When you one time watched the Sherlock Holmes movie with Thor and Steve came in and said he didn’t watch it, you decided it is absolutely essential to have a movie night. You found Clint in the vents shouting an agreement to you.

Even though you managed to befriend Thor, Loki and you soon became good friends. He appreciated your skill of lie detecting and you two often sat and read books together.

Then there was Bucky, your friendship started to form when you joined in on a prank on Sam. You and Bucky ran so fast, dying of laughter, as Sam chased you around with his brand new sparkly pink wings.

From there you friendship blossomed, but to your dismay so did your little crush. It started from invitations to go on walks, to him coming to your door in the dead of the night in seek for comfort after a nightmare. You always let him in. you’d listen to him if he wanted you to, and you distracted him when he didn’t.

Your best friend never showed up to breakfast so you’d sit next to Bucky instead. In movie nights you found Bucky saving you a seat next to him every time until he didn’t have to, it was a silent agreement amongst the team.

You never would have expected the next development though: Bucky was a cuddler. It started small, a hand on the small of your back in the morning when he entered the kitchen. Then an arm in the dark around your shoulder, stroking your arm as you all sat and watched a movie.

“Can I just maybe lie down?” he asked one night. It was 3am and the dark circles under his eyes made your heart ache. You just nodded but were surprised at his actions. You assumed he meant to lie down on the bed rather than sitting against the headboard. He lowered himself on the bed and put his head on your thighs and began to talk to you. You got over your momentary shock to listen to what he wants to talk about, absentmindedly you found yourself stroking his short hair. It was soft and from his content sigh he seemed to enjoy it too.

Imagine the Fourth of July. Now, imagine it with a bit more… Tony. That’s exactly what happened to Steve’s birthday party. Tony told you all about what he was planning weeks before, and you two worked about it endlessly since then. You were a bit annoyed at first, it was way too extravagant to your taste but now that you’re standing at the entrance, looking down from the stairs at all the people there, you couldn’t help but feel proud. The people there varied, from the avengers to the agents you didn’t recognize and all sorts of people who you assumed were high profiled? Never the one to initiate a conversation with a stranger you went ahead to the bar to try and find Tony.

Instead, at the bar you found Natasha who sat there with a drink, scaring away anyone who tried to bother her, you of course she welcomed.

“I’m so glad you came! I know it’s not really your thing but this place looks amazing, so is your dress!” Natasha gashed at you.

“You look absolutely incredible Nat!” you took in her tight short stress and how well she looked in it, she was your friend but you could feel the discomfort start to grow. You smoothed down your skirt. “Do you know where tony is?”

“he is probably talking to some rich assholes who are leaning in to his every word” she joked with you, “I think I saw him with our birthday boy so maybe you should ask him.” She nodded to behind you.

“Steve! Happy birthday!” you rushed to hug him. “How do you like the party?”

“Well, tony sure has expensive taste, it’s lovely Y/N.” America’s golden boy smiled at you.

“Speaking of tony, have you seen him?”

“Yeah, he was actually looking for you earlier, he’s right there.” Steve pointed to the other side of the room where tony stood with Pepper, surrounded by a group of people.

With a short thank you, you attempted to make your way there, casting tens of apologies as you tried to shuffle through the dancing crowd. From the corner of your eye you spotted Bucky, sitting on the couch next to a girl who was basically sitting in his lap, you saw the smile on his face, you never saw that kind of smile on him before. In an attempt to ignore the twist in your stomach, you continued pushing people until you found Tony, surrounded by a whole new group now. When he noticed you and the look on your face, he whispered to Pepper who then diverted the conversation away from Tony- who slipped away towards you.

“Hey darling, I tried to find you earlier.” He told you as he gave you a hug.

“It took me a little longer to get ready I guess.” You looked behind you to see Bucky still with that girl, you adjusted your dress.

Tony took in your actions. He knew you too well.

“Do you want to go outside, a little bit of fresh air could help?”

“No, no you love these parties! I can’t take you away from that.” You dismissed it quickly.

“Well fine, if you want me to enjoy it so much then dance with me.” He dragged you to the DJ and you heard him ask for a couple of slower songs, and then dragged you to the middle of the dance floor. You heard your favorite song playing and tony enveloped you in his arms, immediately comforting you. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“There isn’t really much to talk about, you know how sometimes these parties can trigger me. Sometimes it can make a person like me feel a bit inadequate I guess.” You leaned your head on his chest.

“You’re better than all of these people sweetheart, you’re my best friend tell me who made you feel like this and I will personally give them a free ride to Antarctica.” You could see him doing that which made you laugh.

“With all the penguins? That sounds fun though.” You argued.

“Oh you’re right. I guess I’ll have to think of a different place then. Do you think Barnes would like the desert? I mean with that metal arm it must heat up-”

“Wait what? Why would you say Bucky?” that sneaky son of a bitch.

“Come on, I saw you look at him, did he make you feel bad?” tony looked you in the eyes this time, sincere.

“No,” you shrugged. “I just saw Nat and all these beautiful agents and then I saw him with one and I guess it just made me feel bad way too fast. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

Some days were worse than others, some days it was just a few passing thoughts, some it was thunder and dark lingering clouds.

“Well, there isn’t a point in me telling you how gorgeous you are because you will never believe me, even though you are and I should probably get you an eye doctor, maybe schedule something with Dr. Cho. Anyway, if this is because of Barnes, then I can assure you he only has eyes for you.”

“I don’t need an eye doctor!” you hit his arm and laughed, before putting your head back on his chest. “And about the other thing, I doubt that. I think maybe he should be with someone more like him, which makes more sense.” You still looked around, not seeing Bucky anywhere.

“I don’t think you should make any sort of decision when you’re this anxious. I don’t think you’re capable of clear judgment in this situation darling.” He said to you quietly, worried overtones in his voice.

“I’m fine Tony, I’m not that anxious.”

“your hands are shaking Y/N…” as he told you that, you looked at the hand you put on his chest, his hand now cradled it as you saw it shaking. How did you not notice it? When tony saw as you realized what was happening he knew there was no room for argument. “I’m taking you away.”

You put up no fight as he quickly managed to take you away without drawing too much attention. You didn’t see Bucky searching for you in the crowd after that.

Bucky sat there on the couch, happy for his best friend as he enjoyed his party. He was smiling uncomfortably as the girl next to him scooted closer to him. His mental health got a lot better, and his confidence grew- he felt the man he once was but newer, most of the time. Big crowds still managed to get to him though. He nodded along to the girl next to him who refused to call him anything but James, he tried to be polite. He hated the crowds, you would know that. He thought. Then he heard your favorite song playing from the far side of the room, there he finally saw you, dancing with Tony. He knew tony was your best friend, but he still felt a tug at his heart as you put your head near his arc reactor.

He has been pondering on when to tell you about his feelings for you, confident that you wouldn’t turn him down. The two of you grew so close, you were an absolute angel to him. He saw you hit Tony’s arm and suddenly his smile turned genuine. He knew you felt the same way as him, it was hard to ignore. You seemed almost as happy as he is when the two of you are alone. Maybe he could tell you tonight.

“James? Are you even listening to me?” the girl called him.

“Yes, sorry, your name is August right?” she nodded at him. “Sorry but I have to go, I have a couple of things to do.” He got up then and went towards where he last saw you, but you where nowhere to be found.

The next day tony seemed to be stuck at your side, you tried to tell him that you’re fine but he insisted to “borrow you from Pepper because he needs an assistant.” Or so he claims. Apparently he needed an assistant to buy him ice cream in your favorite flavor or to cook him a meal which coincidentally happens to be your favorite desert- to give him credit he did try to help but he might have tried to mix the eggs with the flour and got it all over the counter. You burst into a fit of laughter and he told F.R.I.D.A.Y to order pizza. So, the two of you sat in the kitchen with your pizza, after cleaning the place.

“I might have to borrow you from Pepper more often, you are a great assistant.”

“Yeah, sure” you played along before setting your pizza down. “Thank you Tony.”

“Anytime” He smiled at you through a mouthful of pizza.

The kitchen door opened, and in stumbled Steve and Bucky, who for once slept in today.

“Well hello boys, what got you looking so bad?” Tony smirked at them.

“It’s all Thor’s fault, he brought the Asgardian mead.” Steve said, you laughed at his hangover state, it was rare but precious.

“Hey doll, I didn’t get to talk to you yesterday, couldn’t find you.” He smiled at you, his rough voice nearly killed you- you were certain. You looked over at tony as you stumbled over what to say.

“We left early, she claimed I was too drunk and should get some air.” He winked at you “isn’t she just the best Barnes?” he then looked at Bucky; you swear you hated him sometimes.

“An absolute angel,” Bucky replied, assessing tony. “But you seem okay enough.”

“Yes well I tried telling her, but she insisted.” Tony easily replied and matched Bucky’s stare.

“How did you manage to get him to actually listen to you Y/N? That’s impressive.” Steve commented, oblivious to the slight tension as he made coffee.

“Years of practice I guess, it is hard to accomplish because he sure can be an ass sometimes.” You kicked Tony under the table to look at you. He only smiled.

“Capcicle doesn’t like that kind of language Y/N.” you heard Steve groaning as he put a coffee cup in front of Bucky who was seated next to you, and sat in front of him next to tony.

“That happened years ago Tony!”

“Doll, I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie later maybe?” Bucky leaned in to ask you, before you could answer though, Steve spoke up.

“Why is there flour on the counter?”

“On your ass too, you picked the wrong chair.” Tony helpfully chimed in “you know, those pants do nothing for your ass.”

“Tony messed up the kitchen, I guess we didn’t clean it all.” You said apologetically and got up. “I actually have a lot of things to do for Pepper today, since tony stole me, so I should probably go start on that.” You exited the room, looking forward to a distraction at work.

“Tony, you know you shouldn’t cook!” Steve patted the chair, and then sat on it again.

“Hey, I was only trying to help Y/N in baking a cake, I had good intentions!” tony defended.

“Why was she making a cake in the afternoon?”

“Relax Barnes, I asked her to bake me a cake but when it tragically somehow blew up we settled on pizza.” Tony lifted up his slice of pizza in proof. “Why do you care anyway?”

“What kind of question is that?” Bucky looked at him quizzically. “Tony, is there some sort of a problem?”

“I’m just asking, why do you care about her?” Steve noticed the change in the question but Bucky just looked confused.

“I care about her because she is my friend, just like the rest of you here!” Bucky was getting angry by the second, where was this all coming from?

“Yes, but do you care about her only as a friend?” tony asked and this time Bucky noticed the change and his anger all melted away.

“No.” he admitted, not bothering to hide it. “Were you just trying to get me to confess my feelings?”

“They learn things so fast, don’t they Steve?” he looked at an amused Steve who just nodded.

“Even I couldn’t get him to say something. Good job Tony.”

“Okay, I am leaving, this is clearly an ambush.” Bucky left the kitchen then.

Bucky was headed to his room to clear his head, hoping you won’t be as busy tomorrow. He was in the hallway when he passed your room, it was then that he heard your TV on; he recognized the theme song of Brooklyn Nine-Nine playing. Why were you watching TV when you said you’re working? Bucky went to his room and decided to let it go.

For the next week Bucky studied your moves carefully. You started to avoid going out with him, making excuses that he could easily read as lies. At night you accepted him with open arms to talk about his nightmares, but he noticed you smiled less now. When movie night came along he found the seat next to him empty as you sat next to tony, he wasn’t the only one to notice it. That was it for him.

“Nat,” he found Natasha the next day alone in the common room. “Do you know if Y/N is upset with me?”

“Probably, yes, I don’t know why though.” Natasha shrugged.

“I don’t know what I did, she is still nice to me but she avoids even being in the same room as me.” Bucky sat next to her. The assassin put her book down finally and paid attention to Bucky. “I don’t know what to do; I can’t accuse her of anything. I just feel something is wrong. We were really close.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing major, you should talk to her.” Natasha put her hand on his, to try and comfort her friend. She’s seen the way you looked at each other, it was impossible to miss the connection.

You entered the room, unaware of the conversation until you looked up and the two avengers stopped talking and looked at you, but you looked at the position they were in, you were clearly interrupting a private conversation.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were here. Sorry, I’ll leave you two alone.” You exited the room before Bucky even stood up, he came to seat back down but Nat kicked him.

“What are you doing? Go and talk to her!” she all but commanded him. He wasn’t going to fight Natasha, that’s just a lost cause.

You were safe in your room, it was all fine. Everything was fine. You couldn’t have expected that falling for an avenger would be a good idea. They are different from you, you’re just… you. They are superheroes. Everyone in the building is either a highly trained agent or one of the top scientists in the world. You were just Tony’s friend, here to support him and maybe bring some normalcy to the superheroes. How could you possibly compete with all that? Your lungs felt too tight, it’s like you could barely breathe.

“Miss Y/N I am recognizing symptoms of a possible panic attack, would you like me to call Mr. Stark?” F.R.I.D.A.Y called to you, snapping you out of your daze.

“No, don’t call tony, or anyone, can you just talk me through breathing?” the AI complied until you managed to calm down and get your breathing right. Bless Tony Stark, anxiety can fuck off.

“Miss, Sergeant Barnes is requesting to open the door; I have shut it alongside any outside noise, would you like me to lift it?”

“Yes F.R.I.D.A.Y, thank you.” You could handle it. You opened the door to see a frustrated Bucky. “Hi Bucky, what do you need?”

Bucky just stepped right into your room and shut the door behind him.

“I need you to tell me what did I do wrong?”

“What? You didn’t do anything wrong.” You were confused now.

“Then why the hell are you avoiding me? I thought you were happy, I thought you wanted me around.” Oh, how could you explain this to him without him taking pity on you?

“Of course I want you around Bucky, it’s okay it’s not that. I’m just giving you space. It’s alright.” You tried to assure him, while also hoping you could convince yourself.

“Giving me space? Doll I don’t want space away from you. Why are you pulling away from me?” he reached for your hand, his metal arm trying to bring you closer.

“Bucky, really it’s alright. Just let this go.” You pleaded him.

“No it’s not alright, I’m not alright. Because the woman I’m in love with is pushing me away and I don’t know what to do to bring her back to me!” He confessed to you, the frustration in his voice gave away to the longing look in his blue eyes.

“You- you what?” you stopped trying to resist him, your shock letting him pull you closer, he was holding both your arms now, keeping you close.

“I’m in love with you. Is it really that hard to believe?” He questions, his voice low now, as if someone might hear, and he wanted to keep this intimate moment just for the two of you.

“No.” you said before collecting yourself. “No, you can’t be in love with me.”

“Of course I can, it’s really easy to fall for you doll.” Bucky huffed a laugh. “I thought you felt the same way, do you?”

“I…” Could you really lie to a supersoldier? Would you lie to Bucky? “I do. Of course I do, but you don’t understand. Bucky, you’re a superhero, a supersoldier. I’m on the other hand just a girl with too much anxiety who happens to have the best friend in the world which is why I was even allowed to live here in the first place. You deserve so much better Bucky, you really do. And I- I don’t deserve you.” You hang your head low, if only he could realize that, it will hurt less. Your eyes were watering but you blinked them shut.

Bucky’s right hand came to your chin and held it up. You are an absolute idiot. Bucky mused at what you said.

“Doll, if there is one thing that I learned in therapy is that even after everything I did, I can still become the man I want to be and I deserve to get happiness. You make me so happy doll, you really do. But you deserve happiness too. Tell me, do I make you happy?”

“Yes, very much. But-”

“No. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world and if you’ll have me, I promise to keep you happy, always. I know I can’t solve anxiety, I have it too. But you help me with it, so I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

You looked into the sea in his eyes, trying to find any doubt, but all you found was determination to make you understand, to make you believe it. And for a moment you did. That was all it took.

“If you’ll have me, I promise to make you happy and make sure you are loved, always.” You whispered. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, I just- I want you to remember, you deserve this. Whether it’s happiness with me or with someone else. You deserve to be loved by your friends, and if it’s here than this is your home and we’re your family. You deserve love and support and if it’s me then please, will you have me?”

“Yes. I don’t want anyone else.”

The next thing you knew, his lips crushed into yours, pouring out all of your emotion to the kiss. This feels right, this is right. Maybe you’re worthy of a happy ending after all. Maybe you’ll find it right here, in this compound, with Bucky.

Little did you know, in the far away land that is Tony’s messy lab, F.R.I.D.A.Y notified him per his request about your panic attack. Now, with the monitors turned on, he watched the two of you with a smile at his lips.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y? Tell Steve he owes me 20 bucks.”

#bucky #bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #writing challenge #fluff #bucky x insecure!reader #bucky fluff #otherpunks500 #my writing

[cowboymantis]

Let's talk about Kazuto Arase

Yakuza / Yakuza Kiwami , Yakuza 3 side content spoilers. Later on Yakuza LaD too, but I'll give a warning before that especially since a lot of people haven't played that yet.

So I have a lot of thoughts about Yakuza on my mind and just want to scream into the void about it somewhere to write 'em all down somewhere! I'm starting with... Arase.

Yeah, I know, a mostly very hated character (personality and battle-wise) that has so little screen time on top of it all too, is the first thing I'll be talking about.

Hear me out, I actually really love this character and only really started to appreciate him after I went for the Yakuza 3 platinum trophy... I've replayed this game so many times, I didn't mind it when I played through it first but seeing all the hate it has gotten, I went to replay it just in case and with that replayed it again and again because I just somehow loved it so much-

And you know, one part of Yakuza 3, also completion related so there was no way I could've missed it, were the Hitman missions. In general, after playing through all the main games I started to come back to a lot of characters I didn't like or minded the first time playing that are now some of my favourites (other examples are Tamashiro or Lau Ka Long, hell even Katsuragi)!

To come back to Arase, let's start with, well, the start: Yakuza / Yakuza Kiwami.

Introduced already in the very first Yakuza game, Arase is just there for a brief moment in the game, yet has a heavy impact on the game's story and Kiryu. It starts with Arase's oath brother Shinji being shot by Arases subordinate, Mochizuki, at least it looks like it. Shinji came here to rescue Reina, whose corpse then gets dragged on the roof of the Dragon Palace by Arase, Sergeant of the Nishikiyama Family. Now that's a pretty... heavy and sadistic first image for a character introduction, and honestly, his strong personality like that seemed also to be the reason he wasn't exactly loved by other members of the Family.

His battle theme in the first Yakuza game is called "Turning Point" which also puts more emphasis on how important this scene is, Kiryu breaking down, his scream when he sees Reina's body... It's really a turning point in the story.

In Kiwami, his new theme "Virtical Point" is also used as the intro song (or at least, the intro song "Vertical Point" is similar and shortened). Which also once again shows the importance of this piece.

Of course, he's not the most important character in the story, but it's still interesting to see how much there is around him other than his rather short appearance.

Then, his fighting style. Yeah, most hate this too and also the fact that starting from there, other bosses also sometimes use his moveset or a similar one. Like, take Jiro or Jo Amon or Andre Richardson... Basically just the usual dual wielding guns while being an athlete on crack - layout. It is actually not that bad, it's even less bad when you've got the right equipment but I have to admit I didn't really have that much good equipment when I first played all the games and basically just rushed through them because I just couldn't stop!

Arase's goal here of course was also to beat Kiryu but well, just like every other character ever, he couldn't do it and got beat instead.

And that's the end of that... The end of his part in the story and also the end of his part in the Nishikiyama Family, because he got disowned right after his failure.

Which is so... hmm... It makes me think. Many others have tried to take Kiryu down, too. And I mean, Arase was normally a very successful assassin, right? Yet this one failed attempt, at which everyone else too failed, got him disowned? Seems to me like they didn't like him and gave him an impossible task to have a reason to throw him out, huh?

And with that wonderful transition, let's get into his appearance in Yakuza 3.

You get introduced to the concept of the Honest Living Association, in short the HLA pretty much after Kashiwagis death. An association, founded by Kashiwagi to help Yakuza / former Yakuza who weren't meant for this life or just wanted out but just couldn't do in it on their own. For some, all they knew was the criminal life, so having a thing like this is especially helpful. Although, I'm kinda sad this was never a thing anymore after Yakuza 3. The whole concept of it was very cool.

Kiryu gets asked by Ibuki to help the HLA because there is an organisation of hitmen, also known as The Reapers (or The Avengers on PS3) whose goal was a different one than the HLA's, it was to kill Yakuza. The Reapers consisted of former criminals, mainly Yakuza, who were wronged by their superiours and expelled, disowned, you name it. Basically what happened to Arase.

Apprehending those hitmen is a totally optional part of the game and I have to admit, I didn't finish it my first time playing. Which is such a shame because it goes by so fast too when you play it after finishing the game! And the individual stories are all so interesting too, I've really enjoyed this side content and also replayed those missions already. You don't really expect someone like Arase to be behind all of it when it turns out to be him who is the founder and the leader of it all. I was already taken aback by Shinzaki being the lieutenant, or part of it at all. I often stopped by to listen to his guitar playing and talked to him, often asking myself is there's anything else up with him.

And once this one hitman contract came in and guitar playing was mentioned, I was just thinking "It can't be him...?", god, this whole side storyline just was so good. And here people come and say Yakuza 3 was a bad game.

The whole build-up to then reveal Arase was just so cool, honestly. It made me start to look more into his character after this confrontation. The fight was really cool too, just having to fight Shinzaki so many times wasn't really necessary, but Arase seems to like to fight alongside others, so fair enough.

And his theme "End Point" is also just so good. It's more similar to Turning Point than Virtical Point was. The name is also again fitting, since this is the end for The Reapers and Arases power.

It is made clear here that Arase has a strong hatred against the Yakuza and especially holds a strong grudge against Kiryu. He sees Kiryu as the reason he got wronged and had to leave the Yakuza behind, while also seeming to be very aware of the fact that the others there probably didn't like him at all.

He's so angry at him, he holds this whole speech and talks about revenge while Kiryu tries to talk some sense into him, eventually Ibuki also joins and tries to reason with Arase too. Telling him how that's what Kashiwagi wanted, even for Arase to find a new, honest life.

Arase is too strongly lead on by his grudges, so even though it seems like he might be thinking about turning his life around, he decided to not let them help him. Then he goes on about how he will definetly return to take revenge on Kiryu... Well. That's the end of that.

It becomes clear that Arases stubborn way of thinking is kind of childish. Not taking responsibility for any of his actions, thinking that his vile personality and actions are in fact the reason he got disowned. Failing to beat Kiryu was just the final puzzle piece to have a solid reason to throw him out. He's clearly unstable, doesn't think twice before shooting someone, he could turn on anyone and wouldn't be sorry for it. Just, he doesn't seem to really think about what he does.

I guess he probably thinks he's strong enough, he doesn't need to be careful. Also fitting for that is his fighting style in Dead Souls, how when he gets low on HP, he pretty much fends for himself, disregarding orders and just charging head first with full strength.

His Dead Souls appearance is also interesting. Okay, we all know, this game isn't canon, it's a spin-off and just doesn't fit in to the story. But it is interesting how he teams up with Kiryu for a bit and then leaves again. The game itself takes place after the events of Yakuza 4, meaning at this point RGG did remember that hey, they have a rival that swore to beat Kiryu one day. But after that... radio silence.

Really, this is such a shame. Just alone from his short appearances I can talk so much about Arase because he really is an interesting character with so much more potential! The only thing that's good about it is that he didn't die, making him technically one of the longest surviving characters in Yakuza which really is a great achievement.

Okay, we don't exactly know that he's still alive, but assuming due to there not being a mention of him being dead, he's probably alive. He might be, might not. Schrödinger's Arase.

One other thing I thought about is Jo Amon. I mean, his outfit and fight style is also similar to Arase, but that's not what I'm mainly thinking about. So the name Amon is for the greatest assassins, right? And they have a strong hatred against Kiryu at the beginning too.

So, putting those things together, Arase being a former assassin in the Nishikiyama Family, then the leader of a dangerous hitman organisation... Then, to fight Jo Amon in Yakuza 3 you also need to do all the hitman missions other than the substories and the IF7 fights. And to start the search for Amon, you also need to go to Ibuki again, where you got all the other hitman missions.

Yeah, it's a bit far fetched, but ... not too far fetched to think that maybe Arase and at least Jo Amon could know each other. I'd say, they could team up in a future game but. Well... Yeah.

Now some more things I thought about, I'll put a warning here though.

Yakuza LaD spoilers ahead!

Soooo, in this game we've gotten a couple of characters "back" ... Some more real than others... Thinking about Joon Gi's body double.

But one character that survived is Kashiwagi! Now the bartender of a bar named Survive. What a fitting name. After surviving such a heavy attack and believed dead by, well, everyone, it was the best approach to keep a low profile, start a new life. Also, he doesn't seem to be fit for any fighting after the incident.

So Kashiwagi is still there. And, now I just thought about, what if there was a possible redemption arc for Arase? Kiryu is believed dead now too, alone the fact that it seems that Kiryu never met Kashiwagi while being in the same area is kinda sad. I like to imagine they met each other...

I think it could go either way, Arase somehow got information on Kiryu being in Ijincho. He is a professional after all. Plus, by now Kiryu is also, well, not really working with... but. You know, not fighting with the Amon Clan anymore, even having Shin Amon to help determine Ichibans strength with the (True) Final Millennium Tower.

And, now, maybe there can be some other comnecting inside the Amon Clan and some info got out to Arase, ah, hell, I don't know, it's all so far fetched but I just like to have those possible headcanons of Arase somehow coming back!

Another possibility could also be Arase thinking Kiryu has died, just per chance being in the area and just going to the Survive bar? He'd probably be way more open about the thought of redemption and with Kashiwagi probably being pretty good at talking former Yakuza into that, given how the whole HLA was his doing.

Just... Thinking about possible things.

Yakuza LaD spoilers end here!

Well. That's that.

At the end of the day, the chances of Arase returning are pretty much 0, other characters you never thought of reappearing sometimes appear in one way or another, so it can be possible, but probably won't.

But one thing is clear, looking more into this character made me really appreciate him more. I guess that's the fact with a lot of characters, not just in Yakuza, but in general.

The characters in Yakuza are just so well written and even though it has some very weird and silly plot points and plot twists, I just love this game so much and looking more into it and replaying it is just so much fun.

I even started to like the minigames in Yakuza 3, even though I got very hopeless at the last pool opponent and the goddamn Mahjong completion, ugh. But at the end of the day it's all just really fun once you get the hang of it. It hasn't aged too well when you play it after the other Yakuza games, but replaying it on all the difficulties and then casually, then trying to beat it as fast as I can just made me love the game more and more every time.

So, uh... I don't know if it's a blessing or curse for me to often really like the characters that either everyone hates or have almost to screen time. Because well... there's such a lack of content and appreciation but hey that's what I'm writing this for!

I hope maybe someone starts to appreciate Arase more after this - if anyone even reads further after learning that I love this character. :D' I swear I tried to write it with as little bias as possible. I do know he's a morally very very grey character but after all, it's a video game character. (...There's no way I'll ever like characters like Yoneda...Ogita...Or Kume though... ugh)

Well anyway, with that, I go!

#ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #yakuza 1 #yakuza kiwami #yakuza 3 #yakuza lad #kazuto arase #yakuza arase #rgg #yakuza dead souls

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 15

post directory

em: viola teas i am like. incapable of sleeping in

em: i woke up 10:30 on the dot and i thought. what the fuck

em: 10:30 is especially offensive bc it means the mcdonald’s breakfast is done

obsetress: brain immediately said viola up and about doing all the chores vacuuming with no sympathy for her constantly sleeping in snoring girlfriend dani clayton

obsetress: but nah i'm sorry for you that sucks

em: inspiring deranged viola behaviour is

em: the greatest gift of all

obsetress: god so true when u think about it

obsetress: not that viola vacuums, she def has cleaners but

obsetress: actually no

obsetress: she has cleaners but she's prob not satisfied and gets out her expensive vacuum she has no idea how to use and is clattering n making such a fuss

obsetress: and poor dani

em: she’s up and about rearranging things, she’s causing a ruckus,

obsetress: dani's like "you have just as bad insomnia as me and you're just... getting up? that early?"

obsetress: viola shrugs "i don't need that much sleep"

obsetress: "you do, though"

obsetress: she shrugs and disappears into the kitchen

obsetress: insomniac gf and insomniac gf

em: insomnia gfs

em: viola runs on like

em: supernatural element carrying over: viola is a little too good at running on no sleep and no one knows if she ages

obsetress: YEAH

em: i love a sorta, grounded real life show w like one or two unexplained ambiguously supernatural things that no one blinks at

obsetress: i was gonna be like

obsetress: i wonder what dani and viola do when theyre up not sleeping at night and then i was like

obsetress: Well,

obsetress: no they do that but they also do the most random borderline unhinged shit like

obsetress: dani tries new baking recipes and they sit on the countertop in their pjs or underwear or nothing and eat scones at three am

em: go for night drives

em: night drives aren’t even unhinged but they’re nice

em: but they don’t listen to music they listen to fucken podcasts

obsetress: that fuckin lorde song

[em note: it's supercut]

obsetress: they go to the roof and dani lays her head in viola's lap and stares at the stars while viola reads to her in french

obsetress: ugh i put it on oh god why did i put it on

[em note: it's still supercut]

obsetress: in my head.........

obsetress: i do everything right............

obsetress: when you call............

obsetress: i'll forgive and not fight.............

obsetress: ours are the moments.........i play in the dark OH MY GOD VI'S INSOMNIA AFTER DANI LEAVES AND SHES ALONE

em: ur a MONSTER

obsetress: i need to lay on the floor and put this song on repeat

obsetress: anyway um

obsetress: another thought from when i was thinking about the vacuum like

obsetress: viola has a degree of learned helplessness that all rich people have but she's not an idiot like the rest of them yknow and i think like

obsetress: she had to do a lot when she and perdita were kids!

obsetress: after her mom died

em: hannah......

obsetress: and then after her dad died before she married arthur and like

obsetress: then being a single mom (viola lloyd single mom i'm drooling) even w all the help she can afford

obsetress: she has a chip on her shoulder and Does Things For Herself but also just

obsetress: sometimes it happens! there's never enough time and never enough help!

obsetress: and she loves isabel so much like

obsetress: viola making isabel her lunches

obsetress: oh god

em: making her little lunches at like 2am bc it’s been a busy day and she’s tired and she’s sore and she’s sad but the one thing viola will never skip is like

em: making sure isabel gets her lunches

em: hey what is wrong with us

obsetress: GOD YEAH

obsetress: EXACTLY

obsetress: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS THINKING ABOUT HER MAKING THEM AT TWO AM UGH

obsetress: anyway um yeah viola making isabel her lunches at two am

obsetress: i know that i wrote jamie leaving flora notes on her napkins but like

[em note: read 'and she taught me a lesson alright']

obsetress: i just think it's something a mom who really loves her kid and wants them to feel safe and okay would do so i want to say vi does it for isabel too!!! and what of it they're different universes it's fine

em: ur just building the hannah obsetress cinematic universe

em: building up some Themes and Motifs

obsetress: themes motifs and symbols

obsetress: anyway viola packing isabels lunches she writes little notes and puts on lipstick n kisses them

obsetress: so isabel can get a kiss from her mom

em: im going to kill u w my bare hands

obsetress: cut to vi in the bathroom wiping it off later à la jennifer check

em: im GONNA

obsetress: sometimes when vi has to go out of town for business or w/e she leaves a stack of napkins with arthur to put in isabel's lunch so she can still get a kiss from her mom even when she's gone

em: thats so extra??

em: its so viola

obsetress: exactly

obsetress: she definitely has a fear of isabel favoring arthur over her (abandonment issues etc etc)

obsetress: gestures at canon

—-

em: dani 'its casual' taylor

obsetress: leave the typo

obsetress: dont you dare change it

em: i need u to know that i DO fuck but

em: hgfngjkyhGJBJKFHD FUCK

em: ruined my own joke

obsetress: in the most spectacular way

em: dani 'i need you to know i DO fuck but im accepting offers' clayton

obsetress: she takes care to drop that like

obsetress: it's just casual SHE'S not anything serious. i'm not dating HER or anything

obsetress: jamie's like dani i know you're gay you literally stare at my lips every time i talk

em: dani getting off the phone and dramatically rolling her eyes like 'ex girlfriends, am i right? whats up with these women i-' and jamies like love i get it

obsetress: jamie raising her eyebrows "how many ex girlfriends do you have"

obsetress: dani's like "well, just the one, but"

em: but i COULD have more. if i wanted to. bc i am looking to date more women

em: jamies like ok cool

obsetress: jamie, a little too casually: oh? any, uh. prospects?

em: danis like (patented nervous dani lip bite) maybe but

em: jamies like drat

em: jamies like darn

em: and then she gets home and shes like

em: wait

obsetress: jamie calling dani back "when you said maybe"

obsetress: and dani immediately is like yEAH?

em: jamies like do you think you could ever be interested in me and danis like umm. yeah.

em: jamie hangs up like ok cool

em: long beat

obsetress: oh my GOD

em: REDIALS

---

obsetress: ok last thing i was gonna say

obsetress: i meant to say this earlier and got distracted a hundred times over

obsetress: but um imagine dani helping isabel with her english homework

obsetress: vi helping isabel with her math homework

em: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

em: SOFT

obsetress: well,

em: oh no

obsetress: isabel needing help w her english homework post dani and vi's trying to help and vi's smart n all but

em: get HELP

---

em: dani 'hooking up w my ex is actually a v girlboss of me' is SO funny to me

em: when they get together danis like, oh but havent we all- and jamies like nooo i have very good boundaries

em: except for the perdi vi psychosexual power play ig

obsetress: moment of weakness

obsetress: who wouldn't want to hook up w their hot boss

—

obsetress: when dani goes up to london whatever weekend like friday night to get her closure dinner with vi

obsetress: boom haircut and therapy reveal

em: 3 day bender u say

obsetress: all of a sudden it's sunday night and

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: they spend

obsetress: all fucking weekend

obsetress: in vi's bed

em: sighs dreamily

obsetress: dani playing with her hair

obsetress: "this is nice"

obsetress: "i'm gonna miss your bun though"

obsetress: vi's brain is short circuiting at "i'm gonna miss"

em: later danis like look. jamie. what would you have done? and jamie chokes on her beer and splutters 'not fuck my ex for 3 days straight?!'

obsetress: dani "well you've never fucked v–– oh wait"

obsetress: "you really can't blame me, jamie, you KNOW" jamie: (grumbles)its different... dani: well i mean i guess, technically, you didnt,

obsetress: unrelated in some bad fight at the end vi is like "you can't go isabel needs a–– you're like her–––" and dani's like "a what? say it" and viola's too stubborn and proud and hurt to say it

em: just perpetually bouncing back to the worlds angstiest break up

obsetress: i don't know WHY

obsetress: as someone who HATES ANGST

obsetress: i am so DRAWN to these two

em: its ummmm weirdly cathartic??

em: the whole exes au is based on a joke about them being friends and exes. we are v firm in like. viola and dani reconcile!

em: idk i love a catharsis moment! i love it when a character claws their way to happiness. or even begrudgingly goes to therapy

em: viola can go through a little hell as a treat

obsetress: turns out the only one who could fix her in the end

obsetress: was the one who said it's not my job to fix you

em: dani transformative power of (platonic) love

obsetress: "Platonic"

#the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au

[gaiyofanfiction]

Twisted Karnival - Chapter 6

Stray Kids x Reader

Horror/Thriller/Drama

Twisted Circus!AU

A/N: Ya’ll love this series so much, it means the world to us. Sorry it took so long to post, depression hit the both of us like a truck. But we good now. Happy New year everyone! ~Liz

Warnings: Yandere-ish themes. Mentions of seduction, blood, cuts, soul stealing and kidnapping. Possibly more in the future. We also write for 0t9, so Woojin is going to be in this series.

Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction and in no way represents the idols of Stray kids or JYP.

~~~

[Before Reading, check out the Masterlist and profile boards for each member HERE.]

~~~

"Got you."

Your eyes dart to the side to see Hyunjin's face right next to yours. With his hand around your throat and his other arm around your waist, he lets out a loud cackle. You struggle against the boy's grip, but it's no use.

"Ah ah ah, my little doll. You're not going anywhere."

Seungmin's smirk turns into a scowl. "Damnit, I was hoping to keep her for myself as my greatest experiment." He glares at Hyunjin and Jisung, mumbling. "Why do you have to ruin our alone time together?"

Jisung steps towards Seungmin and flicks him in the forehead. "You know why she's here and what we need her for. You can't keep her all to yourself, that's not fair." His gaze lands on you, taking his lip in between his teeth. "Because if that were the case, I'd have done that myself." His eyes linger on you for an uncomfortable amount of time before snapping back to Seungmin. "Besides, Chan would kill you if you did anything without his permission."

"Can we hurry this up, guys? Our little doll is getting more and more impatient." Hyunjin growls at them, holding onto you as you attempt to squirm out of his hold.

Jisung rolls his eyes and looks around Seungmin's workshop until he sees something. A chuckle leaves his lips as he grabs a long piece of rope and brings it over to a struggling you. "Grab her hands and bring them together."

Hyunjin lets go of your throat and grabs one of your wrists, his other arm leaving your waist and catching the other one in his hand before you have the chance to swing at him.

"Let me GO you psychos!"

Hyunjin chuckles lowly and grips your wrists hard enough for you to whimper. "Ah, sticks and stones, my doll."

Jisung takes the rope and double knots it around your wrists, so you couldn't move them. Him and Hyunjin each take a part of the rope and tug on it, jerking you backward. You yell out in surprise and in pain.

"I'd advise you to willingly walk with us back to Chan," Jisung growls, his head tilted. "Or we will drag you instead. Either way, you're coming back with us." 

You stared blankly into Jisung’s glowing eyes, swallowing the tightened knot in your throat. Your eyes leered around the small area, praying there was some way of escape. Hyunjin smirked heavily noticing your wandering gaze.

"Whatcha looking at, doll? Don't even think about trying to run again. It won't end well for you." Hyunjin tugged against the tight rope binds over your wrists causing you to yell out in pain. Jisung cringed slightly, taking in a giant exhale.

"Oh god I love it when you scream. Do it again." Jisung pulled on his half of the rope, tightening the knot further as you threw your head forward, screaming louder. 

"That's more like it." Jisung rolled his tongue over his lips as he looked back to Hyunjin. “Let’s get going, I’m sure the boss is waiting for us.”  Jisung tugged against the extra rope. Hyunjin and Seungmin nodded their heads in response. 

You struggled left and right, praying there was some way the ropes would loosen. You screamed out, voice echoing through the empty halls as Seungmin happily bounced forward. 

“There’s no point in screaming girlie, you’re all alone.” Seungmin cackled lightly as his head tilted towards the side. You hummed lowly, swiftly sliding your leg beneath him, causing Seungmin’s body to hit the ground. Hyunjin growled darkly, quickly snatching you up by your neck. You panted heavily and gasp for any small amount of air you could. Jisung clicked his tongue as he dropped the small lead of rope.

“Tsk tsk. To think you couldn’t behave for a few minutes. Guess we don’t have any other choice." Jisung looked to Seungmin who’s eyes were glowing brightly. Seungmin bared his teeth, quickly snatching a lead of chain from a table behind him. Hyunjin pinned you to the ground by your neck as Seungmin quickly wrapped the chains around your ankles. 

You screamed out in pain as Seungmin pulled against the chains just before snapping a lock to the middle. You shook your head away from Hyunjin’s clutches as the searing pain throbbed in your ankles. You rolled slightly, wincing against the ground.

Jisung folded his arms over shaking his head. “If you would have just listened princess, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Seungmin’s eyes slowly fell to a dim shade of purple as he spit a trickle of blood to the side. You took a few heavy breaths, slowly trying to move your leg. The chains grind against the bone beneath your skin, causing you to break. The men watched you squirm, finding much amusement to your pain. 

“Come on, she shouldn’t be much more trouble now.” Hyunjin snapped, tossing Jisung the rope. Jisung glared slightly, turning back to see tears welling up in your eyes. He smirked evilly, pulling against the rope as your limp body drug along the sand. Seungmin proceeded to rub his jaw, eyes locked on you. 

As you fell limp under the immense pain, you found yourself staring into the darkened skies of the night. It seemed so peaceful for a moment before Hyunjin jerked on the rope, reminding you that your current situation is everything but. The men continued to drag you along the circus grounds, sliding you past the last few remaining attractions just before reaching their destination. As Jisung finally came to a stop, you tried to slowly twist your body once more.

“What took you so long?” Chan snapped as soon as you were pulled through the big top.

Jisung pulled against the rope attached to your wrists as he clicked his tongue.  “Well, we would have been here sooner, but someone decided to try and fight back.” Seungmin growled lowly rubbing his jaw once more. Chan’s brow raised. 

“What? Did she clock you in the jaw or something?” Chan scoffed at Seungmin's obvious pain and noticing your bound up body. “No, she side swiped me off my feet.” Seungmin growled, balling up his fists. Chan snickered lightly as he slowly approached you. He knelt in front of you, the back of his hand gently grazing the side of your face. “Would her act of bravery be the reason she’s currently bruising beneath those chains?” The men grew silent as Jisung quickly released the rope from his hand. Chan shoots an icy glare at the three men. “You were NOT to harm her. Your orders were to capture her, and bring her back here. You could have broken her ankle with this ridiculous stunt.” Hyunjin and Seungmin gulped lightly as they stood quietly. Chan brushed his hand against your cheek once more. You jerked your head away trying to stand what ground you had left.

Chan snickered once more, standing to his feet. “Jisung, put her in the center of the circle." He kicked the lock that held the chains binding your legs together. "And take these ridiculous things off. We need her free of these binds."

Jisung spared no time, quickly grabbing you up from the ground and tossing you to the middle of a forming circle. He released you from your binds and sent you a glare. "Don't try to run away. You wouldn't be able to escape all 9 of us." He recedes back into the circle next to Hyunjun and Seungmin.

Minho slowly stepped forward alongside Felix, Jeongin, Changbin, and Woojin. You watched as they all stepped closer, forming a large circle around you. Chan turns to Jeongin.“Jeongin, you’re the last to attach to her.”

Jeongin nodded his head as he stepped forward. You jerked quickly, wincing from the unbearable pain. Jeongin smirked lightly, his eyes glowing blue while dragging the back side of his hand along the side of your arm, sending one last giant shiver rolling down your spine.

“W-what was that…? Why has that happened every time each of you touch me?” You pleaded for answered, watching all the men standing staring heavily at you. 

Changbin chuckles, flames bursting out of his hands as he cracks his knuckles. "That, my dear, is us attaching ourselves to you."

Your brows furrow. "A-at...attaching?"

Jeongin licks his lips. "When we attach ourselves to you, we suddenly have the ability to control you in some way."

You suddenly feel your arms raise on either side of you, lifting you off the floor. You scream, wide eyed. "What's going on?! What are you doing to me?!"

Chan clicks his tongue and suddenly, the lights grow dim. A blue glow illuminates around you and that's when you notice the strands of light are sticking to you. Two attached to each arm, two attached to each leg and one attached to your neck. You look around wildly to see each strand of light has attached themselves to each individual carnival boy's hands. Your brain starts to move quickly, putting two and two together.

"That's what you meant. You attached...puppet strings to me!" Your body trembles. "That's what the shivers where whenever you touched me. Y-you were making me your puppet."

Chan cackles loudly, his string being the one attached to your neck. He saunters out of the circle and over to you. "That's right, my little puppet. These strings allow us to not only control you…" Chan's eyes flash a deep shade of red, the whites of his eyes turning black "...but turn you into one of us."

A stutter leaves your lips, trying to pull at the puppet strings. "Y-You're demons!"

You hear a laugh resonate from your left as you turn your head to see a sly grin on Felix's face. "Well, that took you long enough to figure out."

Woojin rolls his eyes, his tongue swiping over his lips. "Enough talking, let's finish this before it's too late."

Chan nods in agreement. He suddenly raises a hand, his fingernails having turned dangerously sharp. He takes a nail and drags it up your arm, causing the skin to open and blood to protrude. You scream in agony as he continues this procedure on the other arm, both legs and lastly, across your neck. Blood starts to flow into the puppet strings, causing them to turn red.

As your blood is being transferred to each boy, your body seizes for a moment until it stops suddenly. The puppet strings fade from blood red to a light, crystal blue. The air is quiet for a moment when Chan approaches you once more. He tucks a finger under your chin and lifts up your face, caressing you gently. His voice is soft.

"My little puppet, are you okay?"

You hear the faint voice of Chan grow louder until it fills your ears like a beautiful melody. A twisted grin appears on your face, psychotic laughter leaving your lips.

"Yes, Master Chan. I am perfectly fine."

#stray kids #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #kpop #kpop angst #kpop fluff #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfictioin #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids circus au #woojin #chan #minho #changbin #hyunjin #jisung #felix #seungmin #jeongin #gaiyo fanfiction

[aspoonofsugar]

Hewwo! I read Chapter 83 of Bungou Stray dogs, and I have no words. I'm rather surprised by the identity of the mastermind and I wonder what's going to happen now. So I was wondering, with the reveal of the mastermind, what's your opinion on chapter 83? :)). Thank you and stay safe!

Hello anon!

I am very happy about the reveal! It actually makes the whole arc and especially the last couple of chapters even more enjoyable!

As a matter of fact, even if I liked the latest chapters, it seemed to me as if the arc was becoming a little bit too fragmented. By this I mean that the arc had been mostly driven by the conflict not only with the Decay of Angels, but also with the Hunting Dogs. However, the latest twists seemed to suggest the dogs would have become allies of the ADA. Even if I am not against it per se, I would have liked for it to happen after the conflict between the two organizations had been settled in a meaningful way. In particular, I want the arc to make full use of the Hunting Dogs thematically. I have discussed here some ideas about this group:

In short,  the HD are imperfect humans just like everybody else and they have  found a reason of living in their organization just like the members of  the ADA and of the mafia did.

This is also why they are so easily  manipulated. It is because in order to truly think about “right” and  “wrong” in a constructive way, they should let go of the labels they use  to read the world. However, they can’t because if they did they could  very well lose themselves.

In the end the HD are foils of the detectives just like the mafiosi, but they are so in a different way.

The  mafiosi are who the detectives could become if they were to completely  lose themselves in their most violent and darkest parts, while the HD are who the detectives could become if they were to embrace simplicistic  ideals over people. This is also why this arc has been particularly  hard on Kunikida since among the members of the ADA he is the one who  risks to do so the most.

In short, having the HD simply work with the ADA after all the time they spent after the protagonists and after they have almost killed them would have been a little cheap. To be more specific, it would not have led to any growth in the HD whose  modus operandi (follow the rules and Fukichi’s orders) would not have been challenged at all. Thanks to Fukichi being the mastermind, instead, all the themes introduced since the beginning of the arc are strengthened and all the characters can be challenged.

-Fukuzawa will be forced to face his old friend. What is more, this whole ordeal marks another step in Ranpo’s growth. As a matter of fact, as I have written here, the arc starts with Ranpo disagreeing with Fukuzawa. Facts proved him right. What is more, in chapter 80:

I  think that Ranpo’s behaviour in chapter 80 might tie to what is satetd  above. On one hand, in the past, Fukuzawa used to be the one protecting  and saving Ranpo. On the other hand we have seen Ranpo trying to save  Fukuzawa at all costs in Cannibalism. However, in that arc, Ranpo  ultimaley fails. What is more, his wish to save Fukuzawa in that  situation puts the whole Yokohama in danger adn goes against what Fukuzawa himself wants.

However, in chapter 80 we see Ranpo   successfully saving Fukuzawa and the other ADA’s members. He does so by taking action by himself with the help of a connection he himself made (Poe). At the beginning of the arc, he showed to have a better grasping  of the situation when compared to Fukuzawa and in chapter 80 he manages  to save his father-figure on his own. To me, it seems that Ranpo might  have already reached a point where he does not need Fukusawa’s guidance  anymore. However, he still chooses to depend on him, as seen when he  asks for Fukuzawa’s order as if Ranpo himself doesn’t perfectly know  what is better to do.

Despite all of this, once Ranpo takes Fukuzawa back, he immediately goes back to completely rely on him and on his judgement. If Ranpo had immediately used his analytical skills to deduce who Kamui is, he would have avoided finding himself in the current pinch. However, Ranpo preferred to follow Fukuzawa’s orders and to trust the person Fukuzawa trusted. This dependence led to the current situation.

-The Hunting Dogs will have to face their shortcomings. As I have written in the meta linked above:

The HD are proud because they see themselves as heroes of  justice. They are not stray dogs, but dogs selected and adopted by a  master (aka the governement) and this makes them better than others. At  least, this is probably what they force themselves to believe.

The ironic thing is of course that all of them are portrayed with attributes society would consider problematic.

Teruko  is sadistic and violent, while Jouno enjoys psychologically torturing people. Finally Tachihara is in the HD simply because he wants to find a  place to belong.

All in all, among the four subordinates, Tecchou  is the one who probably genuinely believes in justice, but his idea is  simplicistic and naive as it was explained in point one.

The Hunting Dogs are basically Stray Dogs who are made feel “special” by the government. They work for the government and for Fukichi who is the greatest hero of the world, so they are heroes as well, right? They wil soon have to face that their leader is not only the leader of a bunch of policemen, but also the leader of a terrorist group.

It will be especially interesting to see how Teruko and Tecchou will react. As a matter of fact both have shown to genuinely believe in “justice” even if they are cruel in their pursue of it. That said, there might be a difference between the two of them and the current twist might make it more obvious. As a matter of fact, among the dogs, Teruko is the one who believes in Fukichi the most. She is fond of him and is never shown to dislike anything about him (differently from the others who are annoyed by Fukichi’s behaviours). So I think that it will be especially challenging for her to face the truth. Tecchou is instead the person who, among the dogs, seems to me to embody justice the most, so I wonder how he will react when he discovers he has been helping terrorists all along.

When it comes to Jouno, he is the one who has always fitted the least among the HD to the point that I wonder if he knows about his boss’s real identity or not. Whatever the case his reaction is bound to be interesting.

Finally there is Tachihara who has already started to move past his role as a HD thanks to his experiences in the mafia:

Tachihara being able to break the book’s spell because of his ties with the members of the mafia is symbolic of how he has managed to develop more empathy for criminals because of his relationships with some of them. Tachihara is different from the other HD who do not see criminals as people because he got to personally know and to grow closer to some of them.

-This leads us to the fact that I expect the mafia to get involved pretty soon. After all, Tanizaki and Kenji are still under the mafia’s protection and the mafia is the shadow of the detective agency:

All in all, BSD is a story which deals with the concept of jungian shadow a lot. The abilities of the characters are nothing, but repressed parts of them and the the same can be said of the mafia as a group. This is why Dazai and Atsushi are both escaping from what the mafia represents for them. For Dazai the mafia is proof of his criminal past, while for Atsushi it is a reminder of who he could have become. The strong link between these two organizations is why they are often fighting, but also why they are so strong when they unite. It is because the ADA can’t let its shadow take over (so it can’t let itself be destroyed by the mafia and must criticize their violent methods), but at the same time the agency can’t ignore the mafia or that the people in there are similar to them under many aspects. Because of this, now that an alliance with the HD seems more difficult to realize, I wonder if we will soon see the mafia or not. In particular, it has been a while since we have seen Akutagawa, so I wonder if he will once again team up with Atsushi towards the end of the arc.

Finally, this reveal makes Fukichi himself much more interesting as a character. In a sense, it is as if he embodies the dychotomy explored in this arc between justice and terrorism, laws and anarchy. Apparently, the two enemy organizations represent these two opposite concepts. The HD are justice and enforcers of the law, while the DoA are terrorists who want to destroy all laws and to rewrite the world. However, the reveal shows that the leader of both organizations is the same person. So Fukichi comes to embody both concepts. He embodies “justice”, but also the that feeling that justice is deep down unfair. Hence why it is necessary to act outside of it. In a sense, it is as if Fukichi, as a person, is prisoner between two roles. On one hand there is the legendary general (Fukichi’s persona aka the image he projects of himself and what others see about him). On the other hand there is Kamui (Fukichi’s shadow aka his hidden desires to act outside the law and in an unheroic way). However, the person “Fukichi Ochi” is kind of lost between these two big characters:

Fukuzawa mentions how Fukichi was jealous because he had found his path in life before Fukichi himself. This means that his career as a soldier is not something which gives happiness to Fukichi. He probably feels that he lacks something and his current actions are very likely an attempt to fill this sense of void. At the same time, I would not be surprised if he has targeted the Agency because of the envy he feels for Fukuzawa who has become happy.

In conclusion, the fact that “Kamui” means God reminds me of this:

If the world is chaos and unjust, then I will become the God who fixes it. I wonder if Fukichi’s line of thought is similar to Fyodor’s. If that is the case, then it will become obvious why the symbol of justice has also become a terrorist. It would not just be a contradiction, but a natural evolution of an ideal which twists itself in its pursue of righteousness. After all, when ideals forget about people, they often become rigid ideologies and end up embodying what they were fighting. I wonder if something similar happened with Fukichi as well.

Thank you for the ask!

#bsd #bsd 83 #bsd meta #fukichi ochi #ochi fukichi #asksfullofsugar #anonymous

[hellyeahomeland]

Me again with more Carrie and Saul. can you elaborate on how it’s different between them? You say it’s evolved but I don’t see how. Things have happened to Carrie especially, but I don’t really see how their relationship has changed at its core. Maybe Saul treats her more like an adult but even that’s debatable imo. I don’t mean to be argumentative for argument’s sake but... (continued...)

Cont… can you give concrete examples of how the development has played out on screen so I can understand it & hopefully S8 better. Specific scenes and what how they weren’t just individual scenes but changed the relationship going forward. Much appreciated! Oh and one more thing re: Saul and Carrie, sorry I forgot. Can you also venture a guess what it means in practice? What do you think will happen between them that will feel like closure or catharsis or something that’s expected of a show’s final season and perhaps finale as well?

Note #1: this became a lot longer than I expected (sorry, you asked!). Beyond what I’ve written, I challenge you to go back and watch these individual scenes. I’ve chosen ones from each season to illustrate the full arc of their relationship. Observe the differences in Claire and Mandy’s body language, in their facial expressions, in their discomfort, in the shared trauma of what’s come before. It’s deliberate writing and deliberate acting. Shorter version of this post is here, from April 2018.

Note #2: I chose almost exclusively scenes of conflict to represent the evolution of their relationship because I believe that conflict drives change. 

PROLOGUE:

To understand the Carrie and Saul relationship, we’ve got to understand what their relationship was before we met them. From what we know, Saul recruited Carrie, straight out of college. He saw in her something special and unique, something that didn’t come around every other day. She was gifted but she was also alone. She had no partner. She was socially isolated from her family and from the world (he didn’t yet know of her mental illness). This was an advantage of sorts. It meant she could give herself more and more to the work, same as he did. Remember this is his Achilles’ heel: whenever they call, he picks up. He doesn’t know how not to. It destroyed his marriage. But he molds her in his image. He teaches her, he raises her, the way a father would his daughter. He brings her up. Their relationship melds the boundaries of teacher/student, boss/employee, mentor/mentee, and father/daughter. It’s personal, and it’s deeply intimate. 

This is what we are given before the pilot and it’s what we’ve grappled with for nearly eight years: his attempts to harness her gifts–often to her detriment–and her simultaneous resentment of him for it and unwavering yearning for his approval. 

Key Scenes in the Carrie and Saul Canon:

#1: “What happened to the Saul Berenson that trekked the Karakoram?”: Much of the season one conflict between Carrie and Saul comes from her three thousand miles an hour suspicion of Brody and him being like “whoa slow down pls.” He is the first person she tells of these suspicions and he essentially shoots her down, causing her to go rogue. It’s here where the lines become blurred between boss/protege and father/daughter, because the way in which he chastises and punishes her feels awfully familial. 

So when Carrie finally reaches a breaking point in “Blind Spot” (the original Carrie Mathison Appreciation Episode), we feel that as though a family is breaking up. It doesn’t matter that she comes crawling back to him, just an episode later, remorseful. 

Carrie underlines just how much Saul has changed: in her words, from the man who “did three months in a Malaysian prison” (HELLO???? repeat: he raised her in his image) to a pussy. We understand that Carrie and Saul are both outsiders in the CIA. We understand that Saul is still grappling with his former employee David Estes bring promoted over him. While Carrie truly seems to not give a fuck, Saul keeps in line. He says “yes, sir.” He advises caution. None of these are inherently bad qualities but in this scene we come to understand that what drew Carrie to Saul was not his caution, his yin to her yang, but his daring and bravery and “FUCK THE CIA” mentality (there’s a reason why that line is in this episode too). 

#2: “You don’t know a goddamned thing”: This scene is now famous for lines like “you’re the smartest and dumbest fucking person I’ve ever known” (he’s not wrong) but this scene is actually one of the more important ones ever on this show, and I still maintain that t“The Choice” is the mos important ever Homeland episode. As to why this scene itself is significant in their relationship, I’ll allow Jacob Clifton to explain:

Saul is one thing only, and his love for Carrie comes out of the idea that they are the same. And he’s right. But because she’s giving up herself to something he can’t, it looks like they are not the same. It looks ugly to him. He fights it like an addict fights recovery, striking blindly at her softest places because can’t stand the change in vector: Her madness is only acceptable as long as it’s useful; her self-abnegation is only positive so long as he can understand it.

I bolded that last sentence because it’s almost shockingly predictive of future seasons. We can hem and haw all we want about Saul’s relative rightness about Carrie leaving the CIA for Brody being a terrible decision, but the truth is that he would have done it regardless of who Brody was. He would have done it if she’d left with Quinn, with Jonas, with Otto, with Estes, with anyone, or all by herself. I don’t actually believe that Saul wants Carrie to be miserable. I just think he doesn’t care. I think he sees her gifts, her “saving the world” (to be totally Mandy Patinkin about it) as a more profound and upright calling than, for example: having a family, being a mother, having an integrated and whole personal life… the list goes on. 

But the moment when Carrie tells him she doesn’t want to end up alone her whole life, like him, is probably the first great fissure in what was until then a generally even relationship. It establishes her desire for… something beyond everything he’d ever shown her (she literally turns down the greatest career opportunity ever for THE DUDE IN THE SUICIDE VEST… and like, did we ever consider that wasn’t really about Carrie loving Brody so much but more about how much she really didn’t fucking want to be Saul????). She threatens his control and he strikes her at the knees. 

#3: Literally all of season three: It’s difficult to choose a single scene in season three to encapsulate just how much Carrie and Saul’s relationship this season was changed but let’s just discuss the overall arc:

Saul and Carrie come up with a plan to lure out Javadi (i.e., Iran) since they know he’s partially responsible for the Langley bombing. In their shared plan, Carrie will pretend to be crazy in front of the Senate and the press so that she seems vulnerable to the influence of a foreign power. Coolness. 

Except Saul changes the plan in the middle and: 

Publicly blames the Langley bombing on Carrie

Outs Carrie’s sexual relationship with Brody on national television 

Has Carrie committed to a mental institution for four weeks with little to no contact with the outside world

Sics Dar fucking Adal on her when she gets out of the mental institution in order to maintain the cover

The scene at the end of “Game On” where Carrie comes to Saul’s house and tells him the plan has worked is devastating to watch. I don’t think it was entirely clear at the time just how much Saul’s plan had strayed from their shared vision until Carrie tells him, through tears, “you should have gotten me out of there, Saul. You shouldn’t have left me in there.” He doesn’t say anything in response. When she tells him it’s too hard, she can’t keep going, he offers her some tea. It would be funny if it weren’t so fucking sad. 

Again: 

Her madness is only acceptable as long as it’s useful; her self-abnegation is only positive so long as he can understand it.

Season three was all about that: about the lengths Saul would go with Carrie’s own illness, and how far along she’d left herself go too. Javadi literally makes a speech about it.

Now, Carrie wasn’t forced to do any of this (well, except the mental institution, that was extremely forced). We see at times how desperately she craves his attention and approval: in “Tower of David,” when she pleads with her therapist to give a good report back to Saul; in “The Yoga Play,” where he berates her for getting involved in Brody Family Drama and tells her she’s ruined everything and ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT THAT NOW CARRIE (god, the father/daughter vibes in that one are nauseating); in “Still Positive” when she calls him, triumphant, after having arranged the meeting with Javadi and he’s like “oh yeah by the way we lost you for a few hours there.” 

(This doesn’t fit into the above theme but the scene at the end of “One Last Thing” when Carrie tells him in order for any of this shit to work they have to trust each other is one of the most interesting and important scenes of the whole season, simply because it implies one easy truth: they don’t trust each other. And what a change that is from earlier seasons.) 

And yet, he needed her for it all to work. Saul may have been the mastermind of the entire clusterfuck of season three (better on rewatch than you would think!), but without Carrie literally every step of the way, it would have gone up in flames. She lured Javadi to America with her 95%-based-in-reality mania. She convinced Brody to go to Iran knowing it would almost certainly end in his death. And then she went straight along to Tehran knowing she’d probably have to witness it all. 

The end of season three is super interesting in their relationship because I believe in my gut and in my soul that Carrie still resents Saul for convincing her to convince Brody to go kill himself. I really believe this. Again, she wasn’t forced. She did this of her own volition. But he planted the seed in her head, and I think some part of Carrie–likely equal parts rational and irrational–blames him for it, even as she mostly blames herself. 

I won’t even mention Saul’s complete un-acknowledgement of Carrie being nine months pregnant in the last half of “The Star” but Saul basically ignoring Carrie’s child for four years is more significant than we give it credit for.

#4: “Escape or die. I promise.” The season four relationship between Carrie and Saul is interesting because it upends their previous dynamic. Carrie and Saul were always outsiders in the agency, but now he’s actually on the outside and she’s ascended, more an insider than ever. Also, I know part of it was grief, and again this is not an absolution, but where else do we think Carrie learned her casual disregard for human life? I’m just saying, season four came after season three. 

So anyway, when Carrie promises to Saul that he’ll kill him before letting him be re-captured by the Taliban, we almost sort of believe her. She nearly killed him once before (wanna know the quickest way to get me from 0 to 1500 words on this show? mention the end of “From A to B and Back Again.” but actually don’t please).

The middle episodes of season four–Carrie nearly killing Saul, reneging on her promise to kill him, and then tearfully saving him from himself–are extremely moving. And they cement the arc of that entire season, of Carrie ascending where Saul had fallen. “The student becomes the master” (or the Drone Queen, rather) and all that jazz. Her journey to save her soul coincided with her journey to save him. Is that coincidental? Saul stopped being Carrie’s moral compass around the time he lied to her and had her committed. But just as Carrie is finding her way amid the chaos and fog of war, Saul is making backdoor deals with Dar fucking Adal to turn a blind eye to Haqqani’s reign of terror so that he could go and be the CIA director again. 

Saul preached idealism and goodness and morality in an increasingly terrorized, dangerous, chaotic world. He raised her in that image. She strayed, but was finding her way back to it. In those final moments of season four, that betrayal is complete. She detaches from him. And their relationship is forever altered. 

#5: “There’s a line between us that you drew. Forget that. There’s a fucking wall.” Oh, season five. This is getting really long so I’ll try to be succinct: Carrie and Saul’s relationship in season five is about her being in mortal danger and him being like “lol good luck….. NOT.” Ok, it’s only like that for an episode. 

How do they come back from the damage done at the end of season four? I think the answer is that they didn’t. They’re not healed from it. Parts of Carrie don’t trust Saul, and parts of Saul don’t trust Carrie. There are the surface elements of course: Carrie went and found a cool life in Berlin, riding bikes and wearing balloon hats and such, working for a man whose ideals often stood in direct counter to the CIA’s. In effect, she basically went and did the opposite of everything Saul had ever done. That this all comes in a time of real upheaval in Saul’s personal life (Mira divorced him, he’s literally fucking a Russian mole) only makes his ego more volatile. 

And then we have The Landstuhl Conundrum. I’m calling it this because it doesn’t yet have a name but I’m referring to the moment when the doctors say that they can’t wake Quinn from a coma, because if they do he will probably die or have irreversible brain damage. But Carrie and Saul believe he has valuable information about a terror cell that he’d eagerly share after coming out of said coma. Honestly!!! This show is extremely ridiculous sometimes. 

Anyway Saul is like “what would you want me to do if it were you lying there,” implying DUH she’d have him wake her. She says she can’t speak for Quinn. Well apparently she can, because she wakes him. Cue the irreversible brain damage, the almost-death. 

Later Saul comes to see her and Quinn at the hospital and asks how he is. “Not great,” she replies tersely. He tells her he didn’t come here to fight with her. 

Resentment City: Population of 1. I’ve actually beat this drum for a few years, but I still think that Carrie harbors resentment toward Saul for coercing her into waking Quinn. First Brody, then Quinn. This isn’t meant to absolve Carrie of blame. She convinced Brody to go to Tehran because she believed in that mission. She woke Quinn because she believed in that mission. But I do think that Saul gave her a nudge and I’m not 100% convinced that without his influence she’d have made the same choices. When we talk about Saul teaching Carrie, about him mentoring her… and then we talk about Carrie having no regard for human life, of choosing mission over man, time after time… how much of that is her nature and how much is him nurturing her toward that outcome? 

#6: “Maybe I don’t like the idea of you worrying about me.” Season six is spectacularly dull on many fronts, and the Carrie/Saul relationship is not the centerpiece. The evolution of their relationship after Berlin has taken the shape of something like season three. Saul needs Carrie’s help, she’s in no position to give it, he coaxes her with some terrifying outcome If She Won’t, then she agrees, and things still Turn Out Shitty For Her. 

Ultimately I think this season highlights that whatever difficulties they now have working with each other, whatever trust issues they both still harbor, at the end of the day it is ALWAYS Carrie and Saul Versus the World. That’s always what this story has been (though this is extremely different from their relationship being the same as it’s always been), and it’s what the show comes back to after Quinn’s death. 

He still cares about her. She tells him not to, he’s not her fucking father. This is one of the great complexities of their relationship: Saul often does coddle her the way a father would a daughter, but he’s a firm believer in tough love and all the forms that can take. 

Again, I don’t think that Saul wants Carrie to be miserable. I also don’t think he wants her to happy. Her personal fulfillment and well-being is just entirely secondary to her role in his own mission of Whatever The Fuck. I mean I guess his mission is for the world to be more peaceful and better but like… y’know how Thanos thinks that killing half the universe’s population will help with the suffering caused by overpopulation? I’m not saying Saul is Thanos. But they’re both deranged males! (Also, if y’all don’t think Saul would Gamora Carrie right up outta this dimension if it meant fulfilling his life’s mission then please let me sell you this Homeland lamp!) (But honestly, I’m not saying Saul is as bad as Thanos.) (Do not send in asks about this.)

#7: “You’ve given me a hard time these last few years.” Season seven takes the post-Berlin foundation that season six built and adds some new interesting layers that are like a weird inversion/combo of seasons four and five. Carrie’s more on the outside than she’s ever been and now Saul’s the one who’s gone to work for the enemy. 

Still, no matter whatever shit has gone down between them, it’s still Carrie and Saul Versus the World. The show highlights some key ideas in the last three episodes. First, it fully acknowledges that whenever Saul comes calling, Carrie will always answer. Remember how he said this was his Achilles’ heel? Remember how in that same episode Carrie said she was going to be alone her whole life? Remember how Saul raised Carrie in his image? These callbacks are not evidence of stagnation of their relationship; they’re references to its elemental core. 

Second, the show finally has Carrie acknowledge the… um… storm of shit Saul has put her through while also fully copping to the extreme codependence of their entire relationship:

I’ve not come all this way in that fucking plane and in my life to fail in that mission when I know I can succeed. You’ve given me a hard time the past few years. I’m in, I’m out, I’m all over the place. I am not all over the place now. I’m here and I’m all in, and I need you to say yes. 

She pledges her devotion to the mission (above all else). She acknowledges Saul’s hot-and-cold nature with her. And then she says SHE STILL NEEDS HIS APPROVAL because–say it with me–they are in an extremely! toxic! relationship!

In a nutshell, the evolution of the discord in Carrie and Saul’s relationship started with him putting her life at risk in service of the mission. And now we’re at a point where she fully fucking volunteers for the task! In my heart of hearts I think a non-zero part of Carrie is doing it so he will love her more. Did I mention they are in a codependent relationship? 

So where do we go from here?

If you are still reading, congratulations! That’ll teach you to ask me a question about Carrie and Saul! Actually, about five questions were asked. The last–what will happen in season eight that will feel at all like a catharsis–is not one that I’ve actually thought that much about. 

I think I’ve made a case for Carrie and Saul’s relationship being the soul of this show–its mangled, twisted soul. The truth is their relationship is toxic. They are both their best and worst selves with each other. Like family, they know what buttons to push, and where to strike to make it hurt the most. 

What catharsis looks like in this relationship depends a lot on how you see this relationship. For example, it would be cathartic for me for Saul to die, but that will almost certainly not happen. It would be cathartic for Carrie to strike out on her own–finally–and attempt some type of fulfillment. Also very unlikely. 

If I had to guess about what the end of this story will look like for them, it’s probably with Carrie dead. Probably on a mission Saul convinced her to believe in. 

Saul’s been alone his entire life. He will never be less alone because Carrie is alive. I guess that’s the prison he has to live in. And then maybe she’ll finally be free of hers. 

EPILOGUE:

The above is a reading of their relationship that is quite sympathetic to Carrie, obviously, and quite unsympathetic to Saul, also obviously. You will probably disagree. Gail has written very interesting stuff on how the dynamic of the Carrie/Saul relationship is most like handler/asset. I think that is a very astute perspective and there are definitely aspects of it but I think the relationship more resembles the trope of found family: she is the daughter he never had and he is the stable father she never had, and they will both ruin each other. Fin! 

#Anonymous #ask #hyh ask #by: sara #carrie and saul #homeland meta #long ass post

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S5E2

In Which Harvey Continues to be the Best Goddamn Thing in This Show

I was a lucky son of a duck and managed to get this reaction while the episode was airing live on FOX last night.  For episodes 3-12, I will be waiting for Hulu to receive them because of an upcoming spring semester at college.  So for episodes 3-12, I will be in the dark until Friday or Saturday (so no spoilers from y’all).

Also, on TV, there are so many GOD.  DAMN.  COMMERCIALS.

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

*Recaps shows the chopper*  OK, so who freakin’ shot down the chopper?

Oh, Tabitha...

*We see a whole bunch of injuries on Will’s back*  What the...

“They call themselves the Soothsayers.”  The Sooth- what?

“They’re digging some sort of tunnel.”  *gasps and reels back*  It’s Jeremiah!  ‘Cause he has a tunnel!  Oh my God!

What’s the tunnel for?

OK, never mind then, I don’t think Jeremiah’s in charge of the Soothsayers

“The second you [Jim] step outside that door, someone’s gonna take a shot at you, and if it’s not you that’s getting hit, it’s the schmoe standing next to you.”  *laughs*

*Jim hangs up on the radio*  Who’s on the other end?

“Four shells each.  Half a mag each.”  Wow.

“Will says the Soothsayers are here, which means we have to pass through Sirens territory.”  Ooh.

“She’s [Barbara] gonna be thrilled to see you [Jim] after what happened with Tabitha.”  Ooooff...

Wait, so is the Dark Zone like around Gotham?  At the docks or...

What?

So this is Robinson Park, OK... so this is where Ivy is.

Oh, these sets look nice.  Getting some serious Arkham Knight flashbacks.

Swore I just saw someone move in the background...

*Bruce catches a guy trying to sneak up on him*  Yeah.

“They came for help too!”  What district are they from?  Why are they British?

*jams along with opening theme*

*silently headbangs to heavy metal cover of "Ring of Fire” by Social Distortion playing in Barbara’s club*

*Everyone stops dancing when Jim arrives*  Oooohhhh... ooohh hoo hoo hoooo...

“It’s a police matter.”  “You know, they should really write that on your tombstone.”  *laughs*

“Drive right into this nightmare you’ve created.”  Actually it’s Jeremiah... kay...

“HAVE AT HIM!  RIP HIM TO SHREDS!”  Ooof.

*Panning shot of an absolute dark Gotham*  Oh my God.

*laughs*  There’s just this one random burst fire hydrant!

So is this whole episode gonna be them [Jim and Harvey] fighting their way out of the Dark Zone?

*jaw drops when someone shoots an arrow at Harvey*

“It’s a freaking arrow, Jim!  IT’S A FREAKING ARROW!”  *scoffs in shock*

Whooooo I remember her [the Day of the Dead lady] from the trailers!

Yeah, that’s the same... freaking tunnel

“The smoke... you [Gabriel] should take it.”  No.

“It’ll give you energy-”  Oh my God, is that Viper?  Is that Viper from S1?

“-see the future.”  What?

Or does Jeremiah shanghai this whole tunnel later this season?

“Once this tunnel is complete, we will have exclusive access to the mainlands.”  Oh my God, they are going to the mainland!

God, that guy [Sykes] just spit everywhere!

Sykes?  Isn’t that the bad guy from Oliver and Company?

“In Penguin’s grace, we will remain.”  Ohh, that’s a good line.

“What are the cattle prods for?”  “Fun.”  *scoffs in hilarity*

“If he [Sykes] moves, kill him.”  Oh ho!  Jim’s not messin’ around!

Yeah, that’s that same tunnel that Jeremiah [and Ecco] are in in some of those pictures.

AN:  Take a shot every time I mention the damn tunnel.

So is Gabriel Will’s older brother?

“Why would anyone be a cop in a world like this?”  “Well, the Halloween shop was all out of gas masks so it was either this or Sexy Nurse.” *reels back in chair from laughter*

“Let take ‘im, boys.”  CHEESE IT, BOYS!

*Sykes and his men try to take the kids*  Oh no.

*Jim comes to the rescue*  Yay.

*One of the car tires get shot*  Ooohhh...

*Commercials start*  OK... OK... so... what?

Wait, so is Jeremiah gonna leave for the mainland?  Like “Syke, I’m gonna get out of here!”

Noo... because his mission is Bruce so I don’t think he even wants to leave Gotham.  It’s the whole “I don’t wanna kill you!  What would I do without you?” mantra going on.

Whaaaaaatt...

What is she [Ivy] wearing?

“You have to believe me.”  “Forgive me if I find it hard to do so.”  COLD.

“It wasn’t me.  It was the park.”  *in unison with Bruce*  The park?

“The plants are my protection.”  ...OK.

“Maybe we can help each other.”  Bruce...

TELL HER IT’S SELINA!

“There’s a seed.  It’s growing under the oaks.  It’s said to have magical qualities.  When digested, it goes to the damaged tissue and bone.”  A seed?

Wwwhhhhaaaattt?

Ed?  Hello?  How are you?  Where are you?  Are you in the library again?  Why are sleeping with your glasses on?

What is going on?

That [library] looks like Oswald’s old house [the van Dahl mansion]

Oh my God, are we gonna see Ed peeing?

EEUUGGHHH we don’t need to be seeing this...

Oh my God, there’s someone in the frickin’ [bathtub]...

“There’s nothing there.”  *laughs*

Waaaaiit... what’s going on?

[Ed] You’re gonna attack him [the Street Demon] with a toilet plunger!  *cackles*

“Did I uh...” *chuckles*

“We’re gonna have to do all this again?  Guess so...”  *scoffs*

What is that place?

“It’s not safe out there.”  No dip, Jim.

“Maybe there’s still good people left in Gotham.”  Mmmmmm....

Yeah, you’re [Jim and Harvey] gonna leave three kids there [in the lobby].  All alone.  In a strange building.  Great.

Harvey, you’re a blessing.

Yeah, you’re gonna leave the three kids there.  Right.  Great idea.  Great idea.

These sets are fabulous.

“Hello?”  Blaaggghh!  Jump scare!

“GCPD.”  Take a shot!

Was that a crow [in the background]?

There’s just a bunch of random folded clothes everywhere.

*Harvey finds the dinner table full of body parts*  Oh my God...

Are those teeth?

*Harvey finds a plate of bloody fingers*  :0

Oh my God, freaking- they’re freaking cannibals?!?

*gasps when Mother attacks Harvey*

*has to leap out of seat to cool off when commercials start*

Oh wow, I love Sweeney Todd.

*ends up coughing up a lung*

So far, again, this feels like a foundational episode.  It’s just like “OK, we gotta work on this, we gotta make sure this is safe,” and yeah.

I wonder if the Jaime Murray character is gonna show up at the end of the episode or something.

AN:  You may think that... but no.

I also wanna know what kind of crack these writers were on for this final season.  Tze Chun had the good shit; I dunno about the others.

*gasps in disgust when Ed hits the Street Demon in the mouth with a wrench.”

“[Ed] You wanted to know where the Street Demons base was.”  Why?

“Aaand you wanted to make sure the boss would be there.”  Why?

“OK, how did I [Ed] seem?  Was I... confident?  Flamboyant?  Charisma for days?”  *giggles*

“Or was I conserved, kinda repressed, a little nerdy?”  *laughs*

Soo... did Hugo combine the two personalities?  ‘Cause the pushing up the glasses is a new thing.

*gasps when Ivy kills the men who were holding her.”

“[Bruce] You are so utterly naive.”  Oh my God.

“[Selina] She is paralyzed and has lost the will to live.”  “Good.”  What?!?

“That bitch destroyed the last of the Lazarus Water.”  ExCUSe me?!?

“Let her suffer.”  Noooo...

You can tell that Peyton List [Ivy] is just wearing a whole bunch of face powder on.

“I am feeding the earth these wretched creatures.  It consumes them.”  She has lost her freakin’ mind.

*Ivy starts caressing Bruce’s neck*  Do not prick his neck.

“Those men you killed were right.  You are a witch.  A murderous, callous witch.”  WHOOOOOOO- oh my God...

Hoo!

“What’s your name?”  “I- I can’t remember.”  What?

“She found me?”  “Who?”  “The ghost!”  The ghost?

“She makes me call her.. Mother.”  *reels back and puts hands in the air*  It is Mother and Orphan!

Wait, is that the kid?

*The kid stays behind*  It is the kid!  That’s Orphan!

Oh my God...

“The lights will make you dizzy.  And then you’ll go to sleep.”  Oh this is cool..

“Jim, I don’t feel so good.”  Wow, I love Infinity War.

Actually no, I hated it.  I was sick the first time I saw it.

*gasps when Mother sneaks up behind Jim*

They really do need to put a flashing lights warning on this.

*gasps when Mother fights off Jim and Harvey*

*Harvey tries to leave*  There’s an open window!  You broke a window!  Go through the window!

*looking through the Gotham tag on Tumblr during commercials*  Wow, someone wrote some fanfiction quick.

Oh wow, I love Ghost Adventures!

*gasps when Ed and the Street Demon find the Street Demon leader wiped out.”

[Penguin Was HERE] Really?!?

*imitates the guitar riff going off*

*Ivy leads Bruce to the seed*  Oh my gosh, that’s so pretty

*Ivy gives Bruce the seed*  I ain’t eatin’ that...

“One thing’s for certain... the seed will alter her [Selina] forever.”  Great.

“Some say, the darker angels of our mind-”  Great.

Also, yay for natural lighting finally in this show.  I love it when they use natural lighting in the show.  It looks so nice.

“What’s the matter, Bruce?  Don’t know if you can trust me?”  I don’t trust you.

“I don’t.”  “Good.  then you’re finally becoming a man.”  Ivy, you’re like his age.  shut up.

*Ivy sits in one of the low sitting trees*  OK, so if the tree branches just grab her and just sink down into the ground, this will be the greatest thing.

“Detective Gordon, your hand’s bleeding.”  Uhhh...

*Sykes and his men arrive*  Oh my God... monster truck!

“Wait just a minute!  Please...”  Whoaaa... who are you?

I don’t know who that is.  She [the Day of the Dead looking lady] looks cool though.

*commercials start*  Who is this?  Who are you?

Five bucks:  Barbara comes in and saves the day even though she still hates Jim.  She hates everybody.  She comes in like “I’m just here for the kids, not you.”

Oh noo...

“Did you [Bruce] find the witch?”  “It was Ivy.”  Great!  Alfred’s like “Oh bloody brilliant!”

“What choice do I have?”  Bruuuce...

“I want to help Selina as much as you do but Ivy’s a maniacal, cold-hearted killer.”  You met her like twice, Alfred!

But true, she is.

“So if Ivy wants to kill me, she can have at it.”  Oh my God...

Who wrote this episode?  I’m gonna have words.

*Bruce gives Selina the seed*  Yeah, you’re gonna shove that down your throat.  Great.

Is she gonna chew it?

*Selina starts chewing the seed like a gummie vitamin*  OK then...

It’s the Spiderman bite except in fruit form.

*freezes when Selina starts seizing*

“God, what have I [Bruce] done?”  *extremely sad face*

“I’ll tell you what!  I’ll [Sykes] take his head!  And you can have the rest of him!”  *scoffs in shock*

*gasps when Jim shoots the Day of the Dead lady*

Is that a monster truck?!?

My sister:  Is that a tank?!?

That’s a monster truck!

*both immediately at loss of words when Barbara hops down*

Wow, I love Hot Wheels!

*jaw drops when Jim uses his last bullet to kill Sykes and defend Barbara*

Wow... that just... came out of nowhere!

“Wow.  Wasted your last bullet for me.  Must be love.”  No it is not.  Barbara, how dare you say that?

*Barbara tells Jim she wants to kill Penguin.”  Great.  Great plan.

Wait, you’re gonna invite Barbara to the Green Zone?  Yeah, great plan, Jim.  Great plan!

*Jim and Co. arrive at the Green Zone*  Whoa!

He [Lucius] looks fab!

Wait a minute, is this [the Green Zone] that apartment complex that got blown up in the trailer?!?  Are you freaking kidding me?

They’re gonna freaking blow this place up later in the season.  God dang it.  Who did it and why?  Who does it and why?

We stan one future police commissioner.

“See you around, killer.  We have some unfinished business, you and I.”  Nooo you don’t.  Cool off!

Oh crap, is she [Selina] gonna be gone in the morning?!?

Oh my God, Bruce hasn’t slept in like 48 hours?!?  Great.

*gasps*  She’s [Selina] not there!  Did she go out the window?

Did she pull a “Dark Knight Rises” and back flip out the window?

“Bruce...”  Oh no.

She [Selina] looks like Michelle Pfeiffer.

“[Selina] How do you feel?”  “Different.”  Why are her eyes closed?  Open yo eyes!

“I’m better.  Even better than before in fact.”  Mmmmm no!

*Bruce hugs Selina*  Yay hug!  We like hugs!  We like some hugs!  Yay!

Oh my God, she’s gonna go on a murdering spree and kill some people, isn’t she?

*Selina’s eyes*  WHAAATT the frick?!?  Wha-

WhaAAAAttt?!?

*gasps when Ecco pops up in the promo for next episode*

*ejects out of chair to cool off*

AN:  Ecco, your man better treat you right or I’m gonna fight him AND the writers.

We’re getting WhaAAAtt??? WHaaaAAT?? 

Oh my God...

#trespassers #Gotham #gotham spoilers #gotham fox #gotham season five #FOX #the blogger reacts #looked at the stars and considered a reaction #jeremiah valeska #bruce wayne #harvey bullock #jim gordon #selina kyle #ivy pepper #poison ivy #barbara kean #edward nygma #mother and orphan #peyton list #alfred pennyworth #michelle pfeiffer #ecco gotham

[noconcernofyours]

5 Takeaways from Avengers: Endgame (WARNING: SPOILERS)

Here’s another one I didn’t really have a place to post, so it’s going up here. Hope you enjoy my Hot Takes™.

On Thursday I went down to my local cinema to watch Avengers: Endgame, the culmination of over a decade of continuous, intricate world-building and story-telling from the mind of Marvel Studios boss, Kevin Feige and co. This article is not a review of the movie. To be clear, I loved it and there are a million reasons why, but looking at it purely as a film doesn’t really make sense to me considering all of the factors that make Endgame more than just another Marvel movie.

Instead, here are five takeaways that I, as someone who has been seeing these films in the cinema since Iron Man released in 2008, have been sitting on since I walked out of the screening on Thursday night. WARNING: HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

1.    Sam Wilson is the perfect successor to Steve Rogers. Fight me.

There are several major emotional themes that Endgame introduces throughout the film: parenthood, reconciliation, coping with one’s failures. But, as the film moves into its insanely climactic final battle sequence, a new theme starts to move to the front of the pack – a passing of the torch.

From Peter being the major emotional anchor of Tony Stark’s death scene to Captain Marvel mirroring Steve Rogers’ heroic yet futile act of holding Thanos’ hand open from Infinity War, and even to Hawkeye teaching his daughter to shoot a bow and arrow in the film’s emotionally fraught opening scene, there is a real sense that the most definitive way this film can wrap up the original team’s character arcs is by showing who is still there to take up their mantles.

I’ve seen a lot of angry takes complaining that Steve passed on the mantle of Captain America to Sam over Bucky. These takes… *clears throat*… are dead wrong. Bucky is just as out of time as Steve was, more so even, due to the amount of time he spent either in ice, or out of his mind. He’s also so unclear of his own identity that it makes no sense for him to adopt this mantle that is meant to be so clearly defined and inspiring, especially considering the amount of damage he’s done to the world. That same internal conflict is why Steve was so uncomfortable being Captain America for so long. The main argument, I guess, is that he has a closer relationship with Steve, but I would argue that this is an incorrect analysis of their relationship. One of the things clarified by the time travel sequence is how Steve’s relationship with Bucky wasn’t about friendship, or loneliness, but about one of the other themes of the film: failing to deal with one’s mistakes.

It makes so much more sense for Sam to take up the mantle because, arguably, he is Steve’s greatest achievement as Captain America. Steve’s deeds inspired Sam to act. His training made Sam, someone with no superpowers at all, a superhero and brought him to the highest echelons of the Avengers. He, like Steve, was a military volunteer, unlike Bucky who was drafted. And, like Steve, and perhaps most importantly, he doesn’t know how to exist without the next mission. Sam has been Captain America-in-waiting since his introduction in Winter Soldier.

2.    This film shouldn’t be nominated for best picture, but there are Oscar nominations that it does deserve

This last Oscar season was incredibly long, taxing and discursively toxic. One of the narratives in various online forums was a sense of discontent that Black Panther was nominated for best picture over Infinity War. Now, despite the fact that I thoroughly disagree with that feeling – Black Panther is one of the most narratively and thematically powerful superhero movies ever released and Infinity War has a thoroughly unpleasant message of abuse=love – there will, without a doubt be an Oscar narrative surrounding this landmark movie.

Let me set the record straight here: Endgame, whilst being an incredibly important moment in cinema, a hugely emotional watching experience, and a massive technical achievement, is not best picture material. Why? It doesn’t stand on its own. Without the background of the rest of the MCU propping it up, it couldn’t achieve nearly as much of the emotional impact that it did. For the same reason, I don’t think Return of the King should have been a best picture winner either. Sue me. The film also has some tonal issues that prevent it from landing all the emotional punches that a best picture nominee should have.

That being said, there are elements of Endgame that deserve recognition from the academy, and they are thus:

Robert Downey Jr.’s gut-wrenching performance as Tony Stark

Honestly, it does feel like Downey’s been playing this character in his sleep since Age of Ultron, but not here. This, for me, is his strongest performance put to film, and that’s all down to an awareness of how this character has changed since his debut in 2008. His meltdown scene after he is rescued at the start of the film is masterfully frightening and sad, made all the more so by his CGI-facilitated emaciated state.

Alan Silvestri’s genius score

Alan Silvestri is an incredible film composer; this much is clear. While I loved his score for Infinity War, which was full of clever little twists on previously existing material, and stunning uses of silence, I did feel a little let down that some of the better leitmotifs from previous films weren’t utilised at all, particularly Captain America’s theme, which Silvestri wrote for The First Avenger back in 2011.

As of now, I understand why he made the decision to leave that out. It wasn’t studio interference, demanding overly aggressive aesthetic consistency. It was a choice made to enhance Steve’s character development. We haven’t heard Steve’s theme since Winter Soldier, because he hasn’t really been Captain America since that film. The moment in Endgame that brought me closest to ugly crying in the cinema was when Tony handed Cap back his shield, and we finally heard that theme again. Silvestri has been paying attention in a major way, and probably deserves a writing credit for every movie in which Steve Rogers has appeared since 2011 because of it. Thanos’ theme is terrifying and beautiful too. Give. This. Man. All. The. Awards.

3.    Guardians of the Galaxy needs a soft reboot, Ragnarok style

I hate the Guardians. I hate all of them… well… except Gamora and Nebula, but the former was done dirty in Infinity War, and the latter pretty much finished her character arc in Endgame. All the other ones are either funny window dressing (Rocket, Groot, Mantis), or outright intolerable (Starlord, Drax). One thing that made me enjoy Endgame so much more than Infinity War, was that I didn’t have to watch the Guardians’ unbearable antics for the majority of the movie. It was a small reprieve from the dick jokes, backwards character development, unfunny temper tantrums and relentless stupidity.

The end of the film sets up the future involvement of Thor in the next Guardians movie. I hope to god that means they’ll bring Taika Waititi on board to help write the new movie with James Gunn. I’m glad Disney made the right decision to bring Gunn back after his premature dismissal, but after the catastrophe that was Guardians of the Galaxy, vol.2, and the negative impact the characters have had on Infinity War, I think someone with the creative instincts of Waititi needs to be brought on to help make these characters into people again. Thor joining the team is a chance to make that happen.

4.    Marvel did ScarJo dirty

Ugh. Every member of the original team got a proper ending, except ScarJo, who got fridged. I’m a huge Hawkeye stan, but Black Widow should not have been tossed off (literally!) in order to develop his character in the way they did. To make matters worse, she doesn’t even get a funeral! Just a little nod at the end from the guy who she died to save. After everything that happened with Gamora in Infinity War, I can’t believe the Russo brothers, who did so much to develop this character in Winter Soldier, were okay with giving Black Widow a death that was not only meaningless, but so similar to the woman they killed in the last movie.

Come on!!!

5.    Endgame wrapped up 10 years of movies so perfectly that I don’t have to care what they do next anymore

All that being said, it really doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Over the last few years, I’ve gotten increasingly frustrated with the MCU. With the exception of Black Panther and Ant-Man and the Wasp¸ every film in the series since Captain America: Civil War has been a bit of a let-down for me. I hated Guardians 2, I was left feeling a little empty after Ragnarok and Infinity War, and Spider-Man: Homecoming was the biggest disappointment in the entire series that came close to ruining the character for me.

What’s so special about Endgame, is that it so neatly and powerfully brings to a close the narrative arcs of (nearly) all of the characters I’ve cared about since the MCU’s beginning over a decade ago. It, surprisingly enough, is a legitimate jumping-off point. If I were so inclined, I could be content to never see a Marvel Studios film again because most of the threads I was invested in have been tied up.

It also seems unlikely that they’ll be building to a huge single-narrative conclusion for a long, long while. How could they? Endgame was a movie a decade in the making, and I suspect it’ll be another decade before they get to anything that could rival the emotional resonance of their latest achievement. What comes next will, undoubtedly, feel substantially different than what came before, and therefore, probably isn’t targeted at me or others in my position. If I fancy seeing a new Marvel film, I will, but I highly doubt that by skipping one I’m going to feel like I’m missing out in the same way I would have done if I’d missed any of the last 22 MCU movies.

The greatest gift Endgame has given me, is a way out of the vicious circle of Marvel movie discourse. I can rest now.

#Avengers #avengers endgame #Endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #MCU #robert downey jr #alan silvestri

[welcometothepenumbra]

JUNO STEEL AND THE DRAGON’S DEN (PART ONE)

SOUND: RAIN. TRAIN ARRIVES, CREAKS TO A STOP. DOOR CLANKS OPEN.

CONDUCTOR: Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome… to The Penumbra. Take your seat, please, take your seat.

MUSIC: STARTS.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS SHUT.

The junction lies just ahead, Traveler. If you'll allow me just a moment.

SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE.

(CHUCKLES) Well, next stop? Hyperion City.

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING.

The Proctor’s final words have haunted Detective Steel ever since she died on her devious riddle. “A place of heroes, as far as the stars but as close as the heart of every child.” And apparently, the home of Ramses O’Flaherty, in some way. But where is that home, you ask? Well, Detective Steel is just about to find out. It’s unfortunate that he didn’t do earlier – if he had, perhaps nobody would have had to die.

SOUND: TRAIN BRAKES. DOOR CLANKS OPEN, RAIN.

Our next stop: Juno Steel and the Dragon’s Den.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): An election makes a lot of noise – and, after months of the rallies and speeches and the fights in the street, it’s nice to escape to the quiet of the Martian desert for a while. Because the history of politics in Hyperion City is loud: a bunch of corporations in a bidding war over the Mayor’s office, with enough money changing hands that it’s not a question of whether your candidate’s in some big corporation’s pocket, just – whether this pocket is cozier than the last one.

My name’s Juno Steel. I’m a private eye, and I never thought I’d be helping one of those corporations’ candidates win, but… Ramses O’Flaherty seems like the first politician in a century who might care about people more than profit margins.

And even if he is funded by Northstar Entertainment, a company that mostly sells kids’ movies and cheap T-shirts? Compared to his competition, Ramses sounds like a saint.

VOICE (FROM RADIO): In a move that analysts have been calling “inevitable,” Nadia Bellevue announced this morning that she will be dropping out of the Hyperion City mayoral race, citing poor polls and a drop in Armada Firearms and Fine Liquors’ stock price over the last fiscal quarter. That leaves only Ramses O’Flaherty and current mayor Pilot Pereyra on the ballot when the citizens of Hyperion vote just five weeks from today. Mayor Pereyra had this to say about their opponent:

PILOT PEREYRA (FROM RADIO): Ramses who? (LAUGHS) Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard of Ramses. And I mean, he seems like a good guy. You don’t get as far as he has, doing all that philanthropy, and kids’ movies, and whatever without having some good rub off on you. And I respect that, to a point.

RITA: Ooooooh, Mista Steel, are we there yet? I can’t wait another second!

JUNO: Shh! I’m tryin’ to listen!

MUSIC: ENDS.

PEREYRA: But the fact is that Hyperion’s a tough town, and it needs a firm hand. And all this junk I keep hearing about police reform, criminal rehabilitation? We don’t have time for that. In a city this covered in crime, we need the HCPD more than ever, and we need someone who knows what they’re doing more than ever. So, leave it to the Pilot, eh? I’ve gotten us this far, haven’t I?

RITA: Mista Steeeeel? Are we there yet? Are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet—

PEREYRA (IN BACKGROUND): And let me tell you, guys like Ramses… they think they know everything.

JUNO: How the hell am I supposed to answer that? I don’t even know where we’re going!

PEREYRA (IN BACKGROUND): But as soon as it gets time to actually do something?

RITA: Oh come on, that riddle was so easy, boss! You gotta know!

PEREYRA (IN BACKGROUND): All that talk shows exactly what it was: just talk.

JUNO: Hey, driver? Just turn the damn radio off. My secretary’s decided she’s all the audio entertainment I need.

SOUND: RADIO CLICKS OFF.

Why did you come along, again? You have the day off, Rita.

RITA: And that’s why I came! You’d understand if you’d solved the riddle, boss. It’s so easy: “A place in the heart of every child”? You don’t have to be a detective to solve that.

JUNO: Brain’s full of about six hundred other mysteries, Rita. Who’s tryin’ to kill off Ramses O’Flaherty, for example. So just knock it off, and tell me where—

RITA: Nuh-uh-uh, no way, boss. I ain’t tellin’ you until you figure it out yourself– WHOAMYGOD WE’RE ALMOST THERE!

JUNO: Just tell me where we’re going!

RITA: I can’t take another second boss I feel like I’m gonna burst! Just figure it out already!

JUNO: Is that a gate?

RITA: C’mon, I’m gonna EXPLODE! Pleaeaeaeaease?

JUNO: “Northstar presents”– what the hell?

RITA: It’s Polaris Park boss! Oh gosh oh gosh I can’t wait! I’m so excited!!!

JUNO: Polaris… that Northstar amusement park?

RITA: Mista Steel, you gotta be kiddin’ me! Did someone kill all’a the magic inside’a you or somethin’?

JUNO: Yes.

RITA: Polaris Park! The Place That Fun Calls Home, TM! You gotta know about Polaris Park!

JUNO: I try not to pay too much attention to Northstar movies, Rita.

RITA: Act tough all you want, boss; they might be kids’ stories, but they got all kinds’a things for adults, like jokes, and deep themes, and sometimes advice, like how to kill an evil goat-wizard if you meet one and—

JUNO: Not kids’ stories. Just Northstar. (SIGHS) Let’s get this over with.

RITA: Boss? Is everything—

SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENS. CARNIVAL NOISES IN BACKGROUND.

(GASPS) We’re here we’re here we’re here we’re here!!

JUNO (NARRATOR): Polaris Park was, I’ll admit, a masterpiece. The greatest minds in the solar system had come together to build ‘The Place That Fun Calls Home, TM,’ and the faces of the people we passed said they’d succeeded. They were smiling, every one of them, kids clambering all over their parents with sticky fingers and… stickier voices.

It made my stomach turn. Places like this have always given me the creeps. What people forget is that manipulation is always manipulation, whether you’re being duped into a big debt or a big smile.

RITA: Oh, oh! There’s Orion’s Tower, they sell all kinds’a belts, Mista Steel – also insurance for some reason – and that ride is the Frozen Spinner, they make you put on real mittens before you get on and everything, and that’s—

JUNO (NARRATOR): We walked down the park’s main drag, surrounded on all sides by bright buildings and cartoon robots and foot-long ice cream bars. I was ready to go home by the fourth step in.

That wasn’t on the menu, though. Before we left the parking lot, our driver gave me an entry pass and a letter which said, in Ramses’ rushed handwriting: “Keep an eye out for Lorenzo Vega.”

Whoever the hell that was. Thanks a lot, O’Flaherty. Just tryin’ to save your life over here, no big deal, really.

RITA: I wanna go on a ride! No! I wanna have a hot dog! No! I wanna go on two rides, and have two hot dogs, just for me!

JUNO: Rita, we’re here to work.

RITA: Come ooooooooon, boss! What job could you possibly have to do here?

JUNO: That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Ramses gets a lot of his campaign funds from Northstar. If someone wanted to really hit him where it hurts, they could try to strike here… or dig up some dirt here, at least. Security Office might not be a bad place to start.

RITA: Well… if Ramses sent you here, that must mean security ain’t caught ‘em yet, whoever they are. We probably won’t find anything there.

JUNO: Not a bad point. Might be worth snooping around a little on our own first.

RITA: And while we’re at it, I was just thinkin’… a good place to snoop… might be… on… a ride?

JUNO: You’re really not gonna drop this, are you?

RITA: Never.

JUNO: Alright, alright. One ride. Then we get to work—

RITA: Got it Mista Steel okay thanks byeeeeeee!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.

JUNO: Rita! …Lousy theme park. Lousy rides…

JUNO (NARRATOR): At the end of the street stood a mountain. A big, red, craggy thing with molten lava holograms flowing down its sides. It was the centerpiece of Polaris Park, and everyone on Mars knew what it was called.

RITA: Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak.

Mista Steel, I’m gonna ride that ride six hundred times today.

JUNO: Good luck with that. Sign over here says it’s closed for repairs.

RITA: What over what says it’s WHAT?!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

Oh, you gotta be kiddin’ me, it can’t be closed! Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak is the whole reason to go to Polaris Park! It’s got everything, Mista Steel, music and big drops and real fast and everyone’s favorite chainmail warrior Andromeda and—

SOUND: CROWD SCREAMS.

JUNO: That’s coming from the Dragon’s Peak, isn’t it?

RITA: Y– yeah. But maybe, it– maybe it’s just some people havin’ fun, y’know? Screamin’ on the rollercoaster and—

SOUND: SEVERAL SETS OF RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

VOICE 1: Oh God, it’s horrible, it’s horrible! They’re all dead!

JUNO: Sounds real fun. Rita?

RITA: I’m comin’, boss!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I shoved us through the crowd, up the long line to the Dragon’s Peak, until it all stopped at a wall of security two guards thick. The park cops had big grins across their faces, but the smiles were all a little too uniform and a little too green to be real. Whatever they were keeping us from wasn’t gonna be pretty.

VOICE 2: I’m so sorry, sir, but you can’t come through here.

JUNO: Pretty sure I could if you’d get that club out of my gut.

RITA: Mista Steel…

VOICE 2: No, I mean, um… visitors do not have access—

JUNO: I work for your boss. Let me through.

VOICE 2: I’m… fairly certain that I work for my boss?

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

VOICE 3: Is there a problem over here?

VOICE 2: Uhhh… I… uhhhhh…

JUNO: No problem, I was just giving Officer Dental-Plan over here some orders from the top. Who are you?

VOICE 3: The top.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The woman in front of me was equal parts strong jaw, sharp eyes, and grit. Her badge said ‘Chief of Security,’ her eyes said that she didn’t have time for this, and her smile said that Northstar customer service training really was the best on Mars. The only times people smile that genuinely at me are right before they hit me.

But she didn’t. Instead she turned to her toadie and asked:

VOICE 3: Who is this guy and why isn’t he out of my park yet?

JUNO: Ramses O’Flaherty sent me. I have a hall pass, I promise.

SOUND: PAPER RUSTLING.

VOICE 3: Ramses?

(SIGHS) Of course he did. Let him through, Rick.

VOICE 2 (RICK): But—

VOICE 3: Did I ask?

RICK: Of… course not.

Have a fun-filled day.

JUNO: You don’t sound so happy to see us, Chief.

VOICE 3: Simple reason for that. I’m not.

My name’s Yasmin Swift. I’m chief of security here at Polaris Park.

JUNO: Juno Steel. And this is my secretary, Rita—

RITA: (HIGH-PITCHED GASPING)

JUNO: Who’s… maybe… deflating?

RITA: Why, hello there, Ms. Swift. I like coffee, and squid cream.

JUNO: Rita, what the hell—?

VOICE 3 (YASMIN SWIFT): Breakfast, huh? I’m more of a dinner gal myself.

RITA: (GIGGLING) Oh, Yasmin!

SWIFT: I’m sorry to rain on your day at the park, but, Ramses had pretty bad timing, sending you here this morning. We’ve had a little bit of an… accident. Come on, I’ll show you.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

RITA: (GIGGLING)

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: …Rita? …What was that?

RITA: She’s preeeeeetty.

JUNO: (SIGHS) I don’t have time for this. I do not have time for this. Come on.

RITA: (GIGGLING)

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES. CARNIVAL NOISES FADE.

JUNO: (SNIFFS) The hell is that smell? I thought all the food carts were back on the main path, but… it smells like jerky or something in here.

SWIFT: Yeah, about that. If you’re at all squeamish, I’m gonna recommend you close your eyes now.

JUNO: Oh, no.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

RITA: OH MY GOSH, THOSE POOR PEOPLE GOT COOKED!

JUNO (NARRATOR): We found them in the loading area for the ride, sitting in a cart on a track facing a dark tunnel. The cart was looking nice and toasted around the edges, and inside it sat three charbroiled shapes that probably used to be people.

SWIFT: I’m guessing this isn’t how you expected to spend your day.

JUNO: I generally try to assume the worst, but somehow the galaxy keeps finding ways to surprise me.

RITA: Who are those people? We gotta help ‘em, don’t we?

SWIFT: That’s sweet, doll, but I think they’re a little past help. This was bound to happen one day. I’ve been saying that to Vega for years.

RITA: Oh, it’s just too horrible! Somebody hold me!

JUNO: Oof!

RITA: (MUTTERING) Not you, boss!

JUNO: Bound to happen, you said?

SWIFT: You know anything about this ride, Juno?

RITA: No, he doesn’t. Mista Steel said all the magic’s dead inside of him.

JUNO: Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak is a roller coaster that tells a story about Chainmail Warrior Andromeda trying to find her way home through Lion Village, has to go through Draco’s mountain for some reason, almost gets roasted, doesn’t end up going home. Just like all her other stories.

RITA: Wha—? But you said– you didn’t know anything about it—

JUNO: I said I didn’t want to know anything about Northstar’s junk. But sometimes not wanting to listen to stuff just makes you listen harder. No offense, Swift.

SWIFT: Hey, to each their own. We don’t all have to enjoy the story, even if it is a modern classic and you’re a moron for not liking it. Want to take a guess where the barbecue went down? Because I have a theory or two.

JUNO: I’m guessing the part where Andromeda gets almost-roasted dropped a word.

SWIFT: The ride’s needed repairs for years, if you ask me. The carts on this thing barely outpace the fire by half a second. All it’d take is for one of the brakes to flip early and, boom. Instant fricassee.

JUNO: Why was anyone on it if the ride was closed, though?

SWIFT: One of the carts started acting up yesterday, so I shut the whole thing down this morning, sent the engineers in, and then… this happened. On their test ride, I’d guess. With a bunch of guests watching from the line, too.

RITA: There are people who get to test roller coasters for their jobs?! Lucky!

JUNO: Rita, are we even looking at the same crime scene right now?

SWIFT: Crime scene? Honestly, Juno, negligence is the only crime I’m seeing here. (SIGHS) Why don’t you take in the park for a little while and I’ll find you later? HQ’s gonna have me behind red tape for a long time. They didn’t like me shutting down the ride for a few hours this morning, and I doubt they’ll like closing it for good.

RITA: You’re closing the Dragon’s Peak?! You can’t do that! That’s the reason everyone comes to Polaris Park! And also I never got to ride it!

SWIFT: Security’s got to be my number one concern, doll. Should’ve shut this ride down years ago.

SOUND: MECHANICAL, RHYTHMIC NOISES.

VOICE 4: Over my soggy corpse, Yasmin.

JUNO (NARRATOR): There was a man walking toward us on two metal legs ending in rusty boots, and his nametag said “Doctor Lorenzo Vega, Head of Resmirks and Developgrins.” Despite the title, he looked like he hadn’t smiled in about a century: age and anger had carved deep enough wrinkles into his face that I could barely make out his eyes, but from what I could see they looked about as greasy and mean as the rest of him.

VOICE 4 (LORENZO VEGA): Yasmin. I see your attempted murder continues apace.

RITA: Murder?! Not my Yasmin!

SWIFT: He doesn’t mean the engineers, doll.

VEGA: I don’t. If anyone mourns my staff it will be their own fault for leaving someone behind to mourn them. Marriage, children, friends… the Northstar work ethic has rotted off the bone. No, it’s not my staff I’m concerned about. Sir, I’d like you to arrest this woman, for the attempted murder of Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak.

JUNO: That’s, uh… He knows you can’t murder something that’s not alive, right?

VEGA: For all of Polaris Park, then.

JUNO: Yeah, also, not alive. You… a little confused, doctor?

VEGA: Perhaps not murder, in that case. But much is on the line here, detective. My life’s work, and probably someone else’s, somewhere, if you care about that kind of thing. This park won’t last a month without that ride.

SWIFT: Maybe so, doctor, but the park doesn’t stand much of a chance if its star attraction’s deep-frying guests, either.

VEGA: You’d best zip up your ego, Yasmin. Your ignorance is showing.

JUNO & RITA: (IN UNISON) Eww.

VEGA: The Dragon’s Peak could not have burned my engineers for one very simple reason: there is no fire on this ride.

SWIFT: I hope you’ll give Dr. Vega the benefit of the doubt here, Juno. This might not be very Northstar behavior he’s demonstrating, but he’s a good guy at heart. Probably. If you’re willing to dig down a few hundred meters.

VEGA: Attempting to turn them against me. It won’t work for two reasons, Yasmin. First: I am naturally charismatic, and second: Ramses sent these two for me.

JUNO: Ramse– what?

VEGA: I received the message earlier – direct orders that I’d receive a private investigator to do whatever I say for one full day. Ramses spoils me so. Now tell me: what is your name?

JUNO: You expect me to buy that Ramses gave me to you without even telling you my name?

VEGA: I don’t need you to buy it, detective. Only lease it. (CHUCKLES)

JUNO: What the hell are you even saying?

SWIFT: Look, do you have those orders on you, Vega?

VEGA: Of course not. Do you carry all of your mail everywhere you go?

RITA: I mean, it should all fit on your comms pretty easily—

JUNO: —yeah, Swift, he actually has a pretty good point.

RITA: Oh. Nevermind. Forgot who he was talkin’ to.

VEGA: These deaths cannot have been caused by a malfunction, because the Dragon’s Peak couldn’t burn a fly, and I should know: I built it. Sabotage, detective. This must be sabotage. And you are going to prove it.

JUNO: Sabotage… that’s a pretty serious claim. Should be worth looking into, Swift.

RITA: Really, boss?

SWIFT: Worth looking into? We’ll see about that. Hey, doctor? Can you prove the ride doesn’t generate real fire? Do you have the plans anywhere?

VEGA: Of course I do. And it’s written into the most reliable storage available to humankind.

RITA: Oh, I always wanted to see the plans to the ride! Might be some nice readin’ for bedtime or snacktime or—

VEGA: My cranial fluid.

RITA: Actually nevermind, not gonna take that anywhere near my bed or snacks.

VEGA: I have the plans memorized. In here, no prying eyes can see them.

SWIFT: Welcome to our argument for the past two years, Juno. I say this is a deathtrap; Vega says it isn’t. I try to close it down; Vega tattles to the managers of Polaris Park, they have a tantrum about ticket sales, and then the thing’s back on its rails again. This could’ve been avoided. It could’ve been avoided twenty times over.

JUNO: But, I mean… come on, doc. You can’t really expect us to just take your word for it, right?

VEGA: I can expect that, actually… but I’m beginning to suspect I’ll be disappointed if I do.

(GRUNTS) There’s one other place I stored the plans for the ride: in its brain. Follow me.

SOUND: MECHANICAL STEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Vega led us over to a monitor on a stand overlooking the ride’s track. He flicked the monitor awake, tapped out a hundred-digit password in a second and a half, and we were in.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

VEGA: The full ride is too complicated for any human mind other than my own to control it, so I designed it to handle all its own functions. Completely automated. The computer has uplinks throughout the track that my engineers can use to access and interact with all data gathered while the ride runs: power levels, terminal activation logs, security feeds of every room, roaming snack bar—

JUNO: Wait, wait, hang on. What? You have security footage for every room in this ride?

SWIFT: Yeah, doctor. This is the first I’m hearing of it, too.

VEGA: The security footage wouldn’t be very secure if I gave it out to every Tom, Dick, and Yasmin who asked for it.

SWIFT: I’m your Chief of Security!

VEGA: Then I’m sure I told you at some point. I don’t bother remembering details like that.

SWIFT: If I knew that, do you really think I’d have waited this long to shut down your stupid ride?

JUNO: Just bring up the footage already, doc. If you’re so sure the ride’s innocent, your video should prove it.

VEGA: (SIGHS)

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

I’ll have you know that the last time someone ordered me around like that, they died.

RITA: You– killed someone?!

VEGA: Of course not. The two events were unrelated. It just means I have terrible associations with being told what to do that you should be sensitive to.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEP.

What? The footage!

SWIFT: What is it now?

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

VEGA: The data! It’s– it’s disappearing!

JUNO: Disappearing?

SOUND: MORE BEEPS.

VEGA: Self-deleting! This is impossible! My baby! My giant, metal, highly-intelligent baby!

JUNO: How long has this been going on?

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

VEGA: How should I know? I don’t check! If it’s flawless, there’s no point in checking, because there are no flaws to check for!

SWIFT: Well, what do you call this, then?

SOUND: BEEP.

RITA: It looks like it just ate another video.

SOUND: BEEP.

And that musta been dessert.

VEGA: It’s gone. The schematics, all the footage from the past ride, and assorted footage from the past week. Gone.

SWIFT: Deleted? And you didn’t even do anything?

VEGA: What do you think I was doing?

SWIFT: Deleting it, maybe. Covering your precious baby’s tracks.

VEGA: You—!

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING. MACHINE POWERING DOWN.

JUNO: What are you doing now?

VEGA: Shutting down the ride.

There. Everything but the audio cues and lighting, off. And now, Detective Whoever-you-are, you’re going to go in there and figure out who’s harmed my creation. Who has attempted to murder Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak!

RITA: He… is?

VEGA: Ramses gave orders that you are do to whatever I say, didn’t he?

JUNO: I don’t know. Did he?

SWIFT: Hang on, doctor. If you think I’m going to let anyone run an investigation in my park without my say-so—

VEGA: Then you go with him. Someone has to take care of my ride. I don’t care who.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I remembered that letter that Ramses’s driver had given me: “Keep an eye out for Lorenzo Vega.”

If Ramses was suspicious of Vega, this might be the only chance I had to figure out why. Especially if he was trying to push the blame onto someone else.

SWIFT: I’m sure Detective Steel has better things to do than—

JUNO: I’ll go along. Rita, you stay out here and enjoy the park.

RITA: Nuh-uh, boss! If you think I’m lettin’ you take a behind-the-scenes tour without me, you’ve got another thing comin’!

JUNO: Rita—

RITA: No buts!

Now come on, Yaaaaasmiiiiin. Do you wanna show me all the spookiest parts of the ride?

SWIFT: If… that’s what we’re doing, I guess I don’t mind doing it with you.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.

Y’know, you don’t have to hold my hand so tight, doll…

RITA: (GIGGLES) Yeah, I do.

SOUND: METAL STEPS.

VEGA: Just a minute before you go, detective.

JUNO: Yeah, yeah, you want me to keep an eye on her. I heard you the first time.

VEGA: It’s not that. What did she just call you? Detective Steel, was it?

JUNO: Juno Steel, private eye. Finding it kinda hard to believe Ramses didn’t tell you that.

VEGA: He did… it just didn’t sound familiar until I’d heard it.

JUNO: Y’don’t say.

VEGA: Steel… why does that sound familiar…?

JUNO: Uh… probably because you build your rides with it?

VEGA: No, no, that isn’t it. I was thinking about that name just this morning… but why?

JUNO: Okay, well, have fun figuring that out, doc. I’m gonna go get murdered by your ride now. Bye.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

VEGA: (DISTANT) Steel… hmmm… Juno Steel…

JUNO (NARRATOR): We walked along the tracks for a while because riding the cart seemed dangerous. After all, the last couple of people to do that were currently being scraped out of their seats with a spatula. After walking through the first tunnel, we found ourselves, weirdly, outside – in a big green plain, surrounded by stone huts and yawning lions lounging in the grass.

SOUND: DISTANT ROARS.

RITA: Oh my gosh, look at all this stuff! It’s gonna take forever to explore all this! Hold my hand, Yasmin, I’m worried I’m gonna get lost!

SWIFT: I’m already holding your hand.

SOUND: TRUMPET BLARING FROM SPEAKERS.

RITA: (GASPS) What was that?!

SWIFT: Just the ride going through its cycles. Vega said he left the audio on – he’ll take any chance to show off.

NARRATOR VOICE (OVER SPEAKERS): And so, after years of searching for a way back home to Polaris, Andromeda the Chainmail Warrior found herself in the Lion Village, where it was said a portal to her home opened once every thousand years.

SWIFT: If we want to get onto the main track without a cart, you’re going to need a retinal scan from a high-ranking employee. Just give me a second.

JUNO: Rita, what’s your read on Vega?

RITA: Huh? Oh, I ain’t barely read any of him, boss. I been a little distracted today. (GIGGLES)

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

JUNO: Yeah, I can tell. Come on, doesn’t it seem a little convenient to you?

RITA: Hmmm?

JUNO: Vega gets warned for years that someone’s gonna die on this ride; then, someone dies on this ride, and who does he send into the deathtrap but the people sent to watch him, and, the woman that’s been trying to shut him down for years? This is gonna be dangerous… whatever roasted those engineers could get us too, and with him at the controls, this one might not be an accident.

Rita, are you even listening?

RITA: I mean, yeah, it seems convenient, boss. But you’re the detective and this is my day off, so you figure it out, alright?

JUNO: (GROWLS)

SOUND: BEEP.

SWIFT: Alright, we’re in. Should be the last lock.

SOUND: MECHANICAL DOOR CREAKS OPEN.

NARRATOR: And so, after years of searching for a way back home to Polaris, Andromeda the Chainmail Warrior—

JUNO (NARRATOR): The door led us into one of the lion’s huts. The lion it belonged to was musclebound and gray-maned and sitting on his haunches next to everyone’s favorite chainmail warrior, Andromeda.

NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND): —found herself in the Lion Village, where it was said a portal to her home opened once every thousand years.

RITA: (GASPS) Andromeda!

NARRATOR: “Andromeda!” said Leo, the lion-chief. “Our portal opens in one short hour, and then only for a few minutes. But if you want to use it, you will have to pay. On that peak lives the dragon, Draco, with all of his treasure. Bring me a treasure from Draco’s hoard, and you will have your way home!”

RITA: She’s real! I always knew she was real! Mom said, and Mista Steel said, and even I said sometimes – but I always knew, Andromeda was real, even when I knew that was impossible, and, and, and, and—

JUNO: Real, huh?

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BUZZING.

RITA: Oh. It’s a hologram. I knew that. Mostly.

SWIFT: Everything here’s a combination of robotics, practical effects, and holograms, doll. Here, touch Chief Leo if you want. A mechanical skeleton covered in real lion fur, grown in a real lab.

RITA: Wow, he’s so soft. Can we see him roar? And maybe pounce on Mista Steel?

SWIFT: You can’t turn on the robotics without turning on the carts, too: they run on the same power source.

JUNO: Sounds and lights on the same breaker? Robots and carts– this doesn’t exactly sound up to code.

RITA: I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, boss, that’s basically how I got the office hooked up.

SWIFT: I think being unsafe is part of the thrill for Vega. He’s good with holograms, but he doesn’t like them. He says they’re cheating. Anything safe is cheating with that guy.

Hope you’ve got hiking shoes on: this next part’s supposed to be the mountain, and the doctor went for authenticity.

SOUND: GATE CREAKS OPEN.

RITA: Ohh, it’s so dark and spooky in here – how do we know where to go?

SWIFT: I haven’t been on these tracks since my first trainings, but I’ve ridden it enough times to know the way. Just stick close to me, sweetheart, and you’ll be fine.

RITA: Hmmmmmmm.

NARRATOR: Andromeda said:

ANDROMEDA: You’re making a terrible mistake, Leo. Anger Draco, and all the lions will pay for it.

NARRATOR: But Chief Leo only laughed, and called her a fool. And so Andromeda climbed the mountain with a heavy heart.

JUNO: So what’s up with you and Vega, anyway? Hell of a feud the two of you got going on.

SWIFT: How do you mean?

JUNO: I know you’ve got safety reasons for wanting this tilt-a-whirl closed, but he seems to think it’s personal. Granted, he seems to think most things are personal, but still…

SWIFT: Just… different eras of Northstar butting heads. Call it a family squabble.

Vega’s old school – from back in the days when Northstar was just a little movie studio over in Hyperion City. Used to work on building fancy new cameras, now he works on ways to shoot people through a block of ice without hurting the ice. Back then, Northstar was cutthroat: scrappy little movie studio with scrappy little ideas. Great tech, great talent, but no investors. It meant everyone who worked there was… out for blood.

JUNO: And they had plenty of ways to get it, I hear.

SWIFT: Yeah, actually. How did you—

JUNO: —doesn’t matter. You said you’re different. What’s the new era of Northstar like?

RITA: Yeah, Yasmin! Tell us aaaaaall about you. Every teensy weensy little thing.

SWIFT: Either of you have any kids?

JUNO: Eugh.

RITA: No, but I’m… very suggestible.

SWIFT: Well, I do. A little lady, only five years old. Too young to remember the war. Too young to remember all the stuff humanity showed it could do to itself. And when I think about her growing up in a galaxy capable of all that… (SIGHS) Let me just put it this way: the old Northstar was all about making something great. But now? Most of us now… we just want to make something good. Something that the kids can look up to. Heroes that’ll risk it all for what actually matters… not some dumb new camera.

JUNO: You sound like Ramses now.

SWIFT: O’Flaherty might be an old-timer, but I always felt like he was one of us. (CHUCKLES) Call me a sap if you want, but… I think my Esta’s better off with Andromeda around. And I’d do anything for her.

RITA: That’s so beautiful and perfect.

SWIFT: Definitely makes getting up for work a little easier. It’s leaving her in the morning that’s the hard part.

(CLEARS THROAT) Uh, just be ready. Next part gets a little loud.

SOUND: DOOR SLIDES OPEN.

NARRATOR: Then, at long last, Andromeda arrived at the Dragon’s Peak!

SOUND: THUNDERCLAP, RAIN.

RITA: Ahh!! What was that?!

JUNO: It’s just the stupid ride.

SWIFT: The noise was, but… did either of you see that?

JUNO: See what?

SWIFT: In the lightning, that—

SOUND: THUNDER.

NARRATOR: Then, at long last—

SWIFT: There’s someone up by Draco’s lair!

NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND): —Andromeda arrived—

JUNO: What? I don’t see anything—

RITA: Yasmin, save me!

NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND): —at the Dragon’s Peak!

SWIFT: You two, keep up with me! If someone really is sabotaging my park, I’m not gonna let them get away with it!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: Swift! Swift!!

NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND): Then, at long last—

SOUND: THUNDER.

NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND): —Andromeda arrived at the Dragon’s Peak!

JUNO: Yeah, yeah, we get it! Come on, Rita, let’s go!

RITA: Okay, boss!

JUNO (NARRATOR): While we ran, I held onto Rita as best I could, but I couldn’t save her from her own clumsy feet…

RITA: Oh!

JUNO (NARRATOR): …or, uh, mine.

JUNO: Oof!

RITA: Get offa me, Mista Steel, get offa me! I wanted this day to go like this with someone but it sure ain’t you!

JUNO: Damn it, where did Swift go?

RITA: That’s what I said! She was followin’ the tracks, so hurry, boss, hurry!

JUNO & RITA: (PANTING)

JUNO (NARRATOR): So we ran up the rest of the way into the Dragon’s Peak. A set of big stone doors parted, and a set of big glowing eyes stared down at us.

SOUND: HEAVY SCRAPING.

NARRATOR: And there, in all his rage and glory, stood Draco, the mighty dragon!

RITA: OH NO OH NO! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME MISTA DRAGON DON’T KILL ME– oh hey would you look at that he listened.

JUNO: Huh. …He did.

SOUND: SLOW FOOTSTEPS.

RITA: Careful there, boss! You don’t know what that dragon might do! They’re tricky! Probably.

JUNO: They’re not real, Rita.

SOUND: ECHOEY CLANKS.

This is just another robot puppet, like the lion at the bottom of the hill. Deactivated like everything else. …It looks like the track hugs the wall for a while – come on. Swift can’t have gotten that far ahead yet.

SOUND: DEEP WHIRRING, MACHINE POWERING UP.

What the hell?

SOUND: METAL SQUEAKING.

MUSIC: STARTS.

RITA: M-m-mista Steel! The– the dragon, i-it’s—

JUNO: —moving, I can see that!

NARRATOR: Andromeda grabbed a sparkling crown as Draco unleashed its fiery breath!

SOUND: ROAR, FLAME CRACKLING.

RITA: Boss!! That’s SO much fire! And boy, is it hot!

JUNO: Step back! Hopefully that’ll be the last of—

JUNO & RITA: (YELP)

SOUND: ROAR.

RITA: Mista Steel! It’s coming closer!

JUNO: And faster than I’d like, too. Rita, there’s a control panel on the wall by the tracks. Do you think you could hack into it?

RITA: Okay, boss!

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

The password– I was watchin’ Dr. Vega’s hands when he was puttin’ the password in—

SOUND: ERROR BEEP.

Oh no, oh no!

JUNO: Rita, we’re running out of time, here!

RITA: It’s like a billion-digit password, boss, you’re gonna have to buy me some time!

JUNO (NARRATOR): So I did what I do best: I bought time.

SOUND: BLASTER SHOTS. METAL CREAKING.

RITA: Did it work?

JUNO: Made its head snap back a little, but it’s coming back. It’s getting kinda warm in here, Rita!

RITA: You think I can’t feel that?!

SOUND: BEEPING. ERROR BEEP.

Arrrggghhh!

JUNO (NARRATOR): The fire was close. We were backed up onto the tracks, now, and I swore I could feel the huge workings of the mechanical dragon rumbling in the walls and the floor.

Or… was that the dragon?

SOUND: SUCCESS BEEP.

RITA: There! I got us into the terminal, boss.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And suddenly it hit me. I put my hand into the fire…

SOUND: ROAR, FLAMES CRACKLING.

RITA: Now I just gotta– Mista Steel, what are you doin’?! It’s gonna roast you alive!

JUNO (NARRATOR): But it didn’t. I was fine – the fire was just hot air and holograms. The rumbling, though… that got bigger. And then, I remembered what was on the same circuit as the robots.

SOUND: WHEELS CLACKING ON TRACKS.

JUNO: The cart.

RITA: The what?

Hey, let go’a me, you– oooooaaahh!

SOUND: THUD.

JUNO: Oof!

RITA: Ah!

SOUND: CLACKING GROWS LOUDER. DULL CRASH, CLACKING STOPS.

MUSIC: ENDS.

NARRATOR: And there, in all his rage and glory, stood Draco, the mighty dragon!

SOUND: RAIN.

RITA: That rollercoaster cart… almost splattered us, boss!

JUNO: Yeah. It got real close, didn’t it.

SOUND: ROAR.

NARRATOR: Andromeda grabbed a sparkling crown as Draco unleashed its fiery breath!

SOUND: CLACKING STARTS AGAIN, FADES OUT.

RITA: And now– it’s… gone.

JUNO: Sticks around just long enough for you to think you’ll get roasted, but there’s never any real danger.

It’s not fire. Just like Vega said.

RITA: But… then how did those engineers get all burnt up?

JUNO: I don’t know.

Rita, didn’t Vega say the computer kept a log of whoever accessed it last?

RITA: I think so.

JUNO: Check the log, then. Hurry!

RITA: Okay, okay, I don’t see what the rush is. First, I just gotta deactivate the carts…

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS. POWERING DOWN NOISE.

There. Now I’ll check the logs…

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

It… doesn’t say who used it, but… it says it was in the next room. D’you think it’s whoever Yasmin saw?!

JUNO (NARRATOR): Aaaaaaand that’s when I figured it out.

JUNO: Turn on the security footage for that room.

RITA: Mista Steel—

JUNO: Now, Rita!

RITA: Oh, alright, alright…

(GASPS) N– no… The one who activated the carts– was– Yasmin?!

JUNO (NARRATOR): Yasmin Swift. Security Chief of Polaris Park. The camera feed showed her inspecting the cart that failed to crush us, and I saw Draco’s controls up on the terminal in front of her. Vega was right. Swift had been briefed on the security footage before, and in fact, she knew how to use it better than he did. She proved that about two seconds later when she deactivated the camera we were watching her through.

SOUND: BEEP.

JUNO: What the…? Rita, bring it back!

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

RITA: I’m tryin’, boss!

SOUND: BEEPS.

But… it’s just… deleted! Everything that camera’s recorded in the past twenty-four hours is gone!

JUNO: So we have no proof. Great.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

SWIFT: Oh…! You’re alright!

JUNO: You sound surprised.

SWIFT: Relieved is more like it. I’m glad you two are so hardy. Surviving what even our engineers couldn’t… I could’ve sworn you’d be charcoal briquettes by now.

RITA: Y-y-y– Yasmin…

MUSIC: STARTS.

SWIFT: What’s the matter, sweetheart? Aren’t you happy to see me?

JUNO (NARRATOR): If she knew we knew, she wasn’t saying a thing; and unfortunately, it was going to have to stay that way.

She knew this ride better than we did. If we let her run wild in here, I’m sure she’d know a hundred ways to roast us, crush us, and fun us straight into our graves. But we couldn’t take her into custody yet, either, because we didn’t have any evidence, and unless she slipped up right in front of us, we’d never get it.

So for now, the safest place was just where I didn’t want to be.

SWIFT: Did you see anyone come through here? I was chasing after someone, but they slipped away…

You two alright? You look a little pale.

JUNO: I’m ready to keep goin’ if you are.

RITA: What?!

JUNO: If you want to go back, Rita, I’ll bring you back first. But we still have a saboteur to catch. And I’m staying in here until I catch ‘em.

SWIFT: Like a dog with a bone, Juno. I like it. What do you say, doll? Coming with?

RITA: I– I…

Yeah. I’m n-not gonna leave you alone, Mista Steel. Not again.

SWIFT: Alright then. Let’s go, ladies.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Yasmin Swift had gotten me, with that strong jaw and that bright smile. It costs nearly twenty creds to get a bottle of water in this stupid theme park, but the smiles, they say, are always free.

Ma wouldn’t’ve agreed. Good old Sarah Steel always said that there was only one thing in life that came free – and that was death.

SWIFT: Keep your eyes peeled. We don’t want to let the murderer get away.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And from the look of things, the alternative was getting more expensive by the minute.

MUSIC: ENDS.

***

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING, MUSIC.

CONDUCTOR: If you've enjoyed this tale, please consider donating to The Penumbra on Patreon. Our artists work tirelessly to bring you these stories, and if you have the means, we hope you will support our efforts. Every dollar helps. You can find that page at patreon.com/thepenumbrapodcast. If you support us on Patreon at the $10 level or higher, you'll receive access to commentary tracks like this one, from actors Kate Jones, Joshua Ilon, and Sarah Gazdowicz:

SOUND: TRAIN STOPS, DOOR SLIDES OPEN, RAIN.

SARAH: …to be manipulative, but I don’t think that that is true. I think that she thinks Rita is very cute.

KATE: How—

SARAH: And—

KATE: —can you not?

SARAH: I don’t– I don’t know.

JOSHUA: You have to be around her all the time. [unintelligible mumbling – speak up, Joshua]

KATE: Alright.

JOSHUA: No that’s what we’ve seen! We’ve seen what overexposure to Rita does. That’s what this episode has shown us, more. It’s-it’s beginning– before and after. It’s ‘oh, that’s charming!’ and then, now ‘I can’t get rid of it.’

SARAH: No, but you couldn’t live without Rita.

JOSHUA: No, you couldn’t.

SARAH: You can’t. Rita’s one of a kind.

JOSHUA: Yeah. You can drown in too much water, though…

SOUND: DOOR SLIDES SHUT.

CONDUCTOR: You can also support The Penumbra by liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter @thepenumbrapod, following us on Tumblr @thepenumbrapodcast, telling your friends about us, telling your friends to tell their friends about us, and especially by rating and reviewing our podcast on iTunes. Every rating, comment, and kind word spreads our stories further and inspires us to keep creating more and better tales to come.

We would like to give special thanks to all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Lynné Herman, Gray, Jaimie Gunter, and the Princess and the Scrivener for their incredibly generous contributions per episode. Thank you.

This tale, Juno Steel and the Dragon’s Den, was told by the following people: Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, Kate Jones as Rita, Sarah Gazdowicz as Yasmin Swift, Bob Mussett as Lorenzo Vega, Simon Moody as Mayor Pilot Pereyra, and M. Sutherland as the narrator.

On staff at The Penumbra: Kevin Vibert is our lead writer and recording engineer. Sophie Kaner is our director and sound designer. Grahame Turner is our script editor. Noah Simes is our production manager. Alice Chung is our designer and financial manager. Original music by Ryan Vibert. Promotional art by Mikaela Buckley.

The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert.

I'm afraid this is the end of the line for today, dear Traveler. We hope you will ride with The Penumbra again soon.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

#juno steel

[draayder]

I'm curious to see you answer all those OC asks for Kanemoto. Or as many as you can.

oh boy here we fucking go

What is your OC’s favorite color?Purple, but he generally likes anything in the cool range

Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?He started collecting coins with his dad when he was a kid and while he’s not an avid collector he’ll still pick up a neat one if he finds it

What kind of things is your OC allergic to?he’s mildly allergic to dogs

What kind of clothing does your OC wear?he’s pretty much always dressed up, colored suits are about as flashy as it gets though

What is your OC’s first memory?He’s got flashes of a family breakfast when he was very young, though he can’t remember his mom’s face anymore. She left shortly after that

What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?He likes cranes a lot, and thinks frogs and toads are gross

What element would your OC be?Water/Dark

What is your OC’s theme song? fuck dude I suck at these

Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC?nope I don’t ever do those

What deadly sin would best represent your OC?man that’s tricky for Kanemoto.... probably greed since he easily had enough money to just stop being a yakuza and still pay for all his dad’s treatment when his last like 3 families fell apart but he just keeps joining back up. He’s got this hangup about being absolutely sure he could cover ANYTHING that comes up 

What are your OC’s hobbies?He likes to read, historical fiction is a favorite because he is a big nerd. He also has a few pet beetles and when he’s busy he sends his boys around to take care of them

How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?he’s pretty damn patient, he knows he ain’t great in a fight so he doesn’t jump into them often which Saejima appreciates as a leadership quality

What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.?Japanese Bisexual Cis Man

What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods?Surprisingly he likes pizza and has a fondness for mochi. He does not like ketchup which Akanishi takes great personal offense to

If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?He’s already got a few beetles which he considers ideal because they take up very little room, make very little noise, and he can buy beetle jelly at donki 

What does your OC smell like? he wears nice colognes most the time and favors citrus scents

How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?Kanemoto is yakuza babey. He got accepted to college and was on his way to becoming a lawyer but his dad’s medical issues forced him to drop out and the cost of everything pushed him into that line of work, so he kind of got stuck in a “being a yakuza is my job and my only option” mindset even after he had plenty of cash. He enjoys the business side of things and runs things fairly legit if you ignore the massive money laundering and tax evasion. He would rather die than work in fast food again

What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?He’s got this irrational fear that everything’s gonna fall apart financially. Outside of that he’s got the usual job fears of getting shot or knifed in his sleep, but he’s more scared of the pain than the dying part of it. His strength is that he’s got a rock solid grip on his composure

What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?he’s a whatever song’s on the radio kind of guy. He was so busy with school and then work and then yakuza that he feels like he kind of missed the bus on a lot of songs guys his age are really into, and he struggles to concentrate if music is playing so his musical knowledge is pretty limited

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?n/a

What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves?puts up with stuff for too long, a big “lying for their own good” kind of guy, a little judgmental. he does not like these freshly recruited chinpira who won’t learn their damn manners and think since they’re yakuza they shouldn’t try to play by business etiquette when dealing with civilians 

What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?he was a stellar student and a total dweeb

What is a random fact about your OC? He and his ex-wife split amicably and she runs a lgbt bar now which he frequents

What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?He thinks a lot about the meaning of it all and decided it’s about how you treat those you care about, so he’s gonna give it his all 

What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?honestly he was 100% someone to bounce Akanishi off of that no one could accuse me of making OOC when I did

Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact) and why?He’s got a couple, his dad was obviously a huge influence on him and he was proud to give him as long of a life as he did, Saejima’s his first boss after his father passed away and let him leapfrog a lot of the normal drudgery he’d have to do starting from the bottom, and Akanishi has become very important whether he wants him to be or not. The least important to him was probably Dojima who was his first boss but also died within a year of him joining up

What kind of childhood did your character have?His mom left when he was about 4 or 5, he’s not really sure where she went or what happened and he’s content enough not knowing. His dad was a great father and did amazing as a single parent, they didn’t have a ton of money but it was enough

What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions?tends to pull at his tie/collar when particularly nervous but he’s got a pretty strong grip on himself

If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?oh fuck that’s a hard one..... I think he’d go simple with like “Kanemoto Sho, loyal friend, devoted son”

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?he’s been married and would definitely be open to it again but he hasn’t really pursued anyone, it doesn’t line up with his line of work and anyone in the yakuza tends not to be the marrying type. He’s too old for kids at this point and once again the line of work just doesn’t agree

What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?the first time he properly got his shit wrecked as a young yakuza in a street fight, he had to lie to his dad and say he got mugged and sent to the hospital. It kind of set him up to think he never wanted to be in a position where he had to fight. His fave memory is a fishing trip he took with his dad during high school

If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?now you’d think the answer would be “his dad back” but he’s a pretty big believer that when it’s someone’s time that’s just how it is and that he provided the best life he could for him. If he could just snap his fingers and make it happen it’d definitely be getting strong enough to be a real contender in the yakuza realm. If that wasn’t possible, he’d like his scar and hearing fixed

Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? he avoids it when possible, but he has shot a few people in very high stakes negotiations. He’s a good shot but prefers not to carry a gun due to the police risk

What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?the Saejima family has drinking nights and occasional other excursions but they’re fairly laid back. However he gets dragged to most of the Majima family events by Akanishi and ends up playing baby sitter with Nishida when Minami is breathing fire and Akanishi is lighting sparklers off of it and oh fuck oh god Majima brought fireworks????

How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?He’s not super imaginative but is a worrier. Can’t really blame him with how many times the family he’s in has crumbled around him

What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?he does not need more money but he still spends a lot of time getting more, tho now it’s more for the family than taking much of a cut for himself. He’s willing to work his ass off for that

What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?So Kanemoto has a big complicated money laundering scheme that Saejima doesn’t fully understand but it gives the family a lot more clean money to use than anyone really expectsHe owns several real estate firms, and the employees are ‘encouraged’ to eat at the restaurants across the street that he also owns, and to spend time at the hostess clubs he owns. They’re given large bonuses to go out to these clubs via happy hours. They also are encouraged to spend time at the golf club that Kanemoto owns, and the hostesses are told to bring their dates to there as well. A cut of the profits of everything gets taken back in by the family as it’s now been successfully laundered and very very hard to trace 

What would your character do with a million dollars? what he’s currently doing with a million dollars, making it into more money

What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can?he’s got an embarrassingly bachelor fridge with some leftovers and beer, he is not a good cook and spends most of his time out dining with business people or working late and ordering in. He keeps his room clean, his nightstand has whatever book he’s currently reading and a pair of readers that he isn’t thrilled with needing to wear. His garbage has a surprising amount of condoms

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?Akanishi is dragging him to a bar for karaoke and he doesn’t bother dressing up more than usual, but then Saejima is there and he regrets it

What does your character do when they’re angry? Why?it takes a lot to get him really angry but when it happens he is like incoherent rage and yelling (see here)

Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? he’s got some minor ones from a couple scuffles but the major one on his head is from a grenade that went off near him. He’s completely deaf in that ear and is annoyed that he’s lost his normal business man look and is more clearly a yakuza

What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?this is more dumbass than offensive but he had very little experience with trans people before he got assigned kyoudai with Akanishi so he definitely said some stupid shit. He had a handle on MtF since he’d been around some trans women and other gnc individuals at his ex-wife’s Sachiko’s bar Oniyuri but didn’t put two and two together to figure out that FtM was also a thing, which lead to some major confusion when Akanishi said he was trans Akanishi, dropping his pants at the hot spring the first day they met: Oh yeah I’m trans that ain’t gonna be a problem, right?Kanemoto: so you’re... a woman?Akanishi: No!!!!Kanemoto: Oh sorry, so you’re a man...Akanishi: Yes!Kanemoto: ...who’s transitioning to female?Akanishi: NO!!!!! Literally the opposite get it together man!

How does your character react/ accept criticism?Depends on who it comes from, but he takes it pretty seriously. 

If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?he likea the taste

Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?yeah he’d try pinching it to see if he felt anything and then probably keep it around to scratch his own back (and hide it under as many locks as he can so Akanishi can’t get his hands on it)

Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?he has no talent for art

What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?as mentioned previously his mom left when he was young and his dad raised him as a single parent, his dad was hugely impactful on his life

Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?he’s got a sweet tooth but never really got sugar rushes

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? If he knew with certainty that he would die in 3 days he would spend every minute getting everything in as much order as he could to keep the Saejima family secure and just spending time with his closets friends. He’d rather leave a positive impact on them than try to avoid death, he’d consider doing so to be unforgivably selfishHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGH that was a lot

#yakuza #yakuza ocs #kanemoto #akanishi #siketreeker

[evajellion]

2020 vidya ranking: #7 Final Fantasy VII

I can already hear the screaming now. “JEL HOW DARE YOU RANK THIS GAME SO LOW!!” even though I said that everything else I played this year was just that good, that this game ends up falling on the short stick for good reasons.

So let’s talk about what is considered one of the greatest RPGs of all time, a game I put on hold until Christmas Day of 2020, right after I had gotten Sephiroth in Smash Ultimate. 

The reason why I put this game off for so long? It was the amount of hype around it admittedly. I grew up on late 2000′s internet and people still wouldn’t shut up about how good this game was. Combine this with FF games after getting a rocky reputation, it wouldn’t be until I discovered IV that I had a proper interest in the franchise.

Yes, I was one of the people who preferred the active fantasy elements in FF (IV, V, VI, and IX) over the more modern takes. The general unpopular but frequently seen opinion was that VII, while great, was also responsible for ruining the franchise with how often they tried to recreate the magic VII had, only to fall short. You can see why I was hesitant to play this one.

But, I’m happy to report that Final Fantasy VII does kinda live up to its expectations! This game is pretty great, and I found myself really enjoying the story. What starts off as a task to stop the evil corporate known as Shinra, ends up being a wild goose chase to pursue Sephiroth.

While this game didn’t make me cry my eyeballs out like Final Fantasy IX or even Legend of Dragoon (sorry Aerith fans), this game did strike something I hadn’t felt in a while, and it was dread. Particularly during anything that involved Nibelheim.

The way Sephiroth goes from this calm, collected man into someone who devolves into madness after digging in to find out about his mother, the way the music theme just changes on you when he suddenly turns. It’s amazing tension building, I love it. Visiting the town later even gave me more dread when I saw it was overrun by clones and I could finally unlock the basement in the mansion.

This entire game has a cast of great characters, I don’t think anyone is sold short, which I felt was a slight problem in IX. Yes, I even love Cait Sith-- in fact, he’s actually my second favorite. No idea why people get so angry over non-human characters. Tifa is definitely my favorite of the bunch though, the girl who seems tough on the surface but is actually the sweet, caring childhood friend that would go to the ends for Cloud.

The music in this game, a lot of it is pretty grand. I think IX has a better random enemy theme but VII hits it out of the ball park with the boss battle themes. And while the graphics may be limited, I think that actually puts the game at an advantage. Less graphic detail means more to the imagination, and this game has some fantastic, horrifying enemies.

For a short version, I would definitely check out Bogleech’s page about VII’s monsters. One of my favorites was the mini-boss, Yin Yang. The disgusting thing has such slow, realistic movements, unfitting of the other PS1 creations. It looks like it’s an actual pain, and then you get the dialogue “Yang is happy”, without any context as to what it means.

I’m just afraid that the modern remake from last year might botch these future enemy designs… It’s easy to see how Square went from this game to Parasite Eve. They made some terrifying stuff.

I gotta say, both the fan-base and Square ended up doing Sephiroth dirty. They made him an intimidating man going through a crisis following Jenova’s power to a generic evil, stalker pretty boy.

Okay, so I’m just about done gushing about the good, now I need to tell everything the truth…

This game, fitting enough, has an identity crisis. It suffers from “too much spoiling the broth”. It feels like Square wanted to do too many things with their first fully 3D game, and it ends up being tedious. I don’t like having the gameplay changed on me for short, annoying sections. (ie: stealth, the submarine, Fort Condor, sneaking onto the boat) These things kinda prevent me from wanting to replay it in the future.

Another issue I have, is constantly needing to reequip Materia when I’m moving party members. They should give you the option to move the Materia from one party member to another in PHS. On that note, Enemy Skill in this game sucks compared to Blue Magic in IX. You have to hope the enemy hits the party member in question with a certain attack that can be copied, as opposed to eating the enemy entirely.

You can easily miss certain weapons, Materia, and Limit Breaks for good, and putting the effort into having Aerith learning all her Limits is worthless. You’ll even run out of good places to grind for EXP unless you find a lot of Elixir to dump onto the Magic Pot enemies. This is a nightmare when I wanna fight the hidden super bosses and want to experience “rubber band” AI Sephiroth.

I also think that in spite of his popularity, Sephiroth should not have been the final boss, even if he’s who you’re after the entire game. It’s one of the few times I wish we had a last second true antagonist like in IV and IX. Jenova would have been perfectly acceptable given she causes most of the game’s events more than anyone, same with Professor Hojo. (Though Hojo gets to be the final boss if Disc 2 I guess?)

Finally, I can’t believe I’m making this comparison of all things… but this game suffers a problem similar to the CDI Zelda games. And that is the fact that you sometimes cannot tell what Cloud can or cannot walk/climb/jump on.

Overall, VII is a great game… but time hasn’t done it well, much like a few of Rare’s Nintendo 64 games or NES games. Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy VI are objectively the magnum opus for Square, and I see myself more likely visiting IX again. 

It may have revolutionized a lot, but that doesn’t mean it’s the golden god. Still pretty great though, and I do think it should be played at least once.

#Final Fantasy #final fantasy vii

[sometipsygnostalgic]

tipsy reviews: breath of the wild

So last month, early november, I went and got myself a Nintendo Switch. And for my new console I bought 3 games: MarioKart Deluxe, Super Mario: Odyssey, and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

What I used it for mostly during this time period was.... Mariokart. It’s a fun and addictive little game while the two openworld games required a lot of effort with no linear path, so I wasn’t looking forward to a lot of busywork.

To my pleasant surprise, when I finally sat down to complete Odyssey, I discovered that the game was filled with many little secrets. It would reward you for experimenting, for putting objects in funny places, and solving its puzzles. The addictive gameplay helped me steamroll through the game to its logical conclusion, and then beyond.

Breath of the Wild, fortunately, follows a similar path. Gone are the many hours of tutorials, talking swords, and narrow Hyrule paths. Now we find the world not only open, where you’re free to move in any direction  and climb any mountain, but filled with many secrets and challenges to spend your days working through!  It’s not fair to say that Breath of the Wild is without its challenges though; the open-world formula starts out with many, and though Zelda subverts the issues plagueing more well-known users like Assassin’s Creed, it does fall into some unique pitfalls. 

In this post I will discuss the different areas of this game - story, gameplay, puzzle elements - and see how they compare.

Environment: I felt like it was most important to talk about this aspect first, because the world of Hyrule is so significant to the potential and failures of every other part of the game. Everything to do with story, puzzles, difficulty, it’s all related to the open world, what’s in it, and how you navigate.   Breath of the Wild kinda looks like a barren, empty game when you look at its open world face-value. There’s very few cities, most of the place is ruins littered with some enemy camps and lots of caves. Not a lot of history at all! It reminds me of the empty Hyrule Fields in Ocarina of Time. And there are no sprawling dungeons like in its predecessors. The closest to this is the shrines, short mini-dungeons which were created by the Sheikah predecessors to help the Hero destroy Ganon.  But what Breath of the Wild does RIGHT is utilize this seemingly empty open world to its full advantage. It’s filled with a variety of animals and critters to use for cooking, challenging opponents who you can loot, korok seeds which you need to solve a riddle to collect (but which are far less irritating than riddler trophies), hidden treasure for you to discover... And perhaps the most immersive tactic is how we are able to take damage from the environment - you can freeze to death on a mountain, or dehydrate in the desert, or roast in the Goron mine. All of this, combined with the many, MANY shrines and seeds and their corresponding puzzles, makes this world feel... alive. Like people and animals actually live here.   And the most adrenaline-bursting part of all is entering a Divine Beast for the first time and realising you can manipulate the environment using the map. THIS is what makes a great adventure game. Now, it’s still a fair departure from the classic dungeon crawlers or the previous three entries, but I think Breath of the Wild pulled off its world very impressively. Much more fun to explore than London or North America. It is only for an issue I’ll discuss later on that I have to rank it as low as 8/10. 

Story: BotW does make an interesting departure once again from before, though in some ways I feel this had lost potential. The story is COMPLETELY optional - as soon as you leave the great plateau, you can fight Ganon and call it a day. But if you choose to dig deeper into the memories of Link, you’ll discover that you were ALREADY the Chosen Hero, sealed deep into the Resurrection Shrine by instruction of Zelda. You were identified early because of your upbringing as the son of a Royal Knight, and that’s about it for Link’s known pre-mastersword history. It’s unknown what adventures you went on before. Now you and four Champions were chosen to prepare to fight Ganon. The backstory between you and Zelda is.... mixed, kind of depressing actually; she resented you for a long time because you were so good at your job as the Hero of the Sword while she was deeply insecure over her inability to activate her powers and how her father kept putting pressure on her to constantly pray when she just wanted to become a huge nerd, helping out in other ways.  It ends with Ganon unleashing its power across Hyrule, the Champions being killed and trapped in the Divine Beasts they were going to use against him, and Link nearly dying protecting Zelda who  saves him last second with an awesome Light that Burns the Sky.   After watching 25-ish cutscenes, I... was quite disappointed, because they kept rehashing stuff I already knew; Zelda was insecure over her lack of power, she disliked Link but grew to respect him, and the other Champions are.... well, Mipha’s the only one who has any real history with Link. Revali sees him as a rival, Urubosa looks after Zelda, and Daruk is very hardy and enthusiastic. It’s really cool meeting these characters in the Divine Beasts but you don’t learn much more, and I heard the Champion’s Ballad DLC is the same...  Ganon himself isn’t a chilling villain like before, moreso an intimidating threat. He’s not nearly as scary as the Twilight Beasts or any named Ocarina of Time boss, and he takes very little skill to defeat, even compared to some of his Blights (Thunderblight Ganon took me multiple attempts with its fast hard-hitting moves). In fact I think I’d be able to sweep him easily without saving any Champions. The worst part of all though has to be how it just CUTS YOU OFF.  You complete the game? Yeah, that’s kind of it. There isn’t a “post-game”, it just lets you load your past save. That’s what pisses me off the most. I wanted to speak to Zelda about all those memories I found! Oh yeah the game is also sneaky and won’t load the secret ending cutscene if you didn’t report to Impa and recover the hidden memory after unlocking the Hyrule Tower memory, so good luck doing what I did and getting that one last just before the final boss.  All in all, 5 out of 10. It did its job, but was nothing special whatsoever, lots of wasted potential.  

Gameplay: When you first start playing Breath o the Wild it is extremely punishing. Your weapons  are shit, your damage is shit, you WILL get oneshot many times. But when you pump more hours into it, you gain lots of momentum; since there are so many areas of gameplay, so many ways to approach a certain situation, it becomes inevitable that you’ll figure out a good solution to any fight.  This is a double-edged blade; while it’s lots of fun to kill enemies inventively, the difficulty curb at the BEGINNING of the game is so steep that you’ll find it becoming stupidly easy later on, when you’re more overpowered and you’ve mastered the enemy attack patterns. Sure, they may turn black or silver and do hella damage, but what’s a god to a player who knows how to exploit their AI?  And you’ll be swimming in so many powerful weapons that you’ll abandon them all after a certain point, cos there’s nothing worse to trade out.   The biggest victims of the difficulty scaling have to be the Ganon bosses, all of them, which DO NOT gain health or difficulty at any point. It’s like fighting Champion Wallace’s level 40 watertypes with a level 70 rayquaza, which is what I did in my Emerald playthrough...  This means that the greatest elements of Breath of the Wild’s gameplay are those moments where your tools aren’t quite enough, where you have to prepare and plan. Maybe there’s too many moblins to take on at once? Maybe you’re playing the Island Trial and you have no decent weapons? Maybe you’re trying to complete the Zora divine beast quest and you come face-to-face with the Lynel on the summit? Maybe there’s multiple Guardians aiming at your direction and you have no Ancient Arrows? In all these situations I’ve had to be inventive, sneak around and attack on the sly, or avoid combat altogether.  But what’s even more reliable is the puzzles. You’re not handheld, you’re not told how to do anything outside of the very basic controls - every single puzzle you solve is completely your own accomplishment, your own skills, and sometimes it’s not set out clearly at all so you have to be creative. Nobody TOLD you to put that one rock in the gap between all the others, but you did it, and now you have a rock! And nobody TOLD you how to make a recipe that heals all your hearts and gives you 3 to spare, but your experimentation crafted a recipe.   THIS, in my opinion, is what makes a definitive gaming experience - respect for the player. 9 out of 10 too many royal swords.

Music - No videogame review is complete without an OST ranking. Now.... BotW tried to play a certain role with its music, having it in the background colouring your experiences rather than defining them. This is quite appreciated because it would have been distracting to have booming enemy music for an opponent I knock out in 2 seconds (cough OOT cough). However, outside of its main theme, Breath of the Wild lacks almost all the signature Zelda tracks that have been defining for the series. I’d say that the absence of this booming music makes it.... not feel much like a Zelda at all. It better reflects the open and partially destroyed world, at the expense of recogition. That’s not to say it’s without gems though.. there are very few things more chilling than the music that plays in ganon-possessed guardian containing the tormented soul of your dead zora girlfriend. 7 out of 10, servicable and decent. 

Conclusion - Breath of the Wild is a smashing game, which deserves the praise it gets, not because it’s an open world Zelda but because it REDEFINES the possibilities of an open world game. Instead of littering itself with countless copy-paste fortresses, it offers puzzles and challenges that show respect for the player’s adaptability, encouraging you to explore all the different options its mechanics offer. Instead of making you choke through an insufferable and possibly frustrating campaign to unlock new areas, it gives you the options and tools to go anywhere you like as long as you prepare. It says much when even this game’s biggest weaknesses can be played for strengths. And oh man, what a solid introduction to the Nintendo Switch generation. 

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: 8 out of 10. 

#botw #breath of the wild #loz #the legend of zelda

[themadnessthatis]

So, Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness...

Warning, this is going to be a long-ass post, mostly me rambling about how TR6 was a game with good concepts but shitty execution. Expect a bit of non-linear ranting.

I have some serious Opinions™ on this game, now having finished it (which was a quasi-Herculean feat in of itself from fighting against the game the whole time, but more on that in a bit).

When I first got this game, eyes full of wonder and amazement, I was like “aw yeah, a new Tomb Raider for a new generation of consoles!”. Having only played it for a bit my opinion quickly soured, and the game was never played after having fallen down a hole and dying in the Parisian sewers. All I said to myself at the time was “wow, this game is shit,never playing this again :| .”

Which I didn’t, until recently.

Fast forward a bit, and a friend of mine lends me her PC copies of Tomb Raider 2-through-6 (sadly no copy of TR1  :’[ ), which I sat down and played, all while eyeing up the box containing AoD with animosity. Boy did I regret saying I wouldn’t mind if she lent me that one as well.

But after going through the other games with various degrees of ease, from the “wow it’s over already?” of Chronicles to the “Will it never end?” of TR3 (which I personally rate as the worst of the “old school” Tomb Raiders. Just....fuck that game, the best part of it is the credits, but I digress.), we were left with just one more game; Angel of Darkness, sitting there, almost expectantly.

“Well, it’s been a while, maybe I was just bad at the game, and it’s actually alright?” I said as I set about installing it, ready to give the game the benefit of the doubt.

Well the fact that controller setup was a pain in the arse should’ve been a dead giveaway that something was up. Though is was nowhere near as infuriating as Chronicles, which required a fucking JoyToKey configuration to get it to work smoothly, otherwise jumps would result in Lara just careening off to the side every.fucking.time.)

Actually, when you first play AoD, the controls are really the first thing you’ll pick up on. I.E: they’re the worst. Really they’re the biggest flaw of this whole game, and if they weren’t as clunky and gods-awful as they are, AoD might’ve been a much better experience. Lara controls like a fucking Mark IV from 1917; turns, speed, everything. It’s such a jarring shift from the previous installments that it really takes some time getting used to, and could be a reall deal-breaker. Also Lara no longer runs like she used to, more like a slow jog, only gaining the ability to sprint later in the game (you know, the thing she could do at the very beginning of TR3, 4 and 5? Like she has to learn how to use her legs, after all of her previous escapades?!). Jumping also seems to have undergone some hideous transformation; from somewhat fluid sequences to an absolutely jerky mess of a mechanic, not helped by Lara needing some space to build up momentum (from walk to jog). Like the only time she handles almost smoothly is when she’s swimming (which thank fuck no longer has her getting stuck on the walls and floor like she did in previous games.).

When you’re not busy fighting against the controls and some of the early Capcom-esque fixed camera angles, you might be able to notice some of the changes to the TR formula, for better or for worse.

Perhaps the most noticeable is Lara’s equipment; gone are her iconic (not Ubisoft iconic, mind you) pistols with unlimited ammo. In their place Lara can collect a plethora of new pistols, including a very nice taser. Though this is moot when Lara eventually loses all of her acquired weapons, as she is wont to do if TR1, 2 and 3 are anything to go by. You also get the classic shotgun and two SMGs. Though tbh, and this might just be me, but don’t all of the weapons in this game feel like the do the same amount of damage?

One thing that was a nice touch was the inventory revamp. The ring-like setup from previous TRs is gone, and now each type of item (health, weapons and puzzle clues) have their own inventory sections, making it less of an eyesore than the cluttered messes of the previous game’s inventories. Speaking of health, the repertoire of healing items has been increased, with various items granting various degrees of health restoration, which is nice, no more wasting medikits (though i do not understand how a chocolate bar could heal a person, but whatever, video game logic, i guess.). The puzzle clues section does get kinda cluttered though, as Lara doesn’t seem to want to get rid of anything she picks up, even if she no longer needs it, so her pockets are basically just full of security cards and bits of paper until the end of the game like JESUS CHRIST ON A STICK JUST DUMP THAT SHIT IN A BIN, LARA!”.

On the subject of puzzles, it’s great that that is an element that has carried over to AoD nicely, unlike some of the more modern titles (looking at you, Tomb Raider 2013). The Hall of Seasons was a great example of this, and is very reminiscent of the St Francis’ Folly from the original games, what with its God-themed rooms. Granted that there were other “puzzles” that were a little too obvious, like “push table to find mixture to kill giant plant”. But overall,  the puzzle side of Tomb Raider is definitely there. Although, there are no secrets to find (but after TR3 and 4′s “And your reward is FLARES” bullshit, I’m okay with that).

So, what about the story? To be perfectly honest, it’s as about as normal as a Tomb Raider story line can be: Secret sect looking for paintings so they can resurrect an ancient race of human/angel hybrids that was destroyed back in biblical times except not all of them, and Lara gets involved b/c they killed Von Croy and she was framed for it... Look, it’s certainly not as far-fetched as “Italian mafia dude looking for magic Chinese knife that turns people into dragons instead of corpses when stabbed with it.” (Love you, TR2, but what even...), or whatever the hell was going on in TR3 with its magical ancient Polynesian artifacts and “rapid evolution”, but it’s out there.

Mechanics wise, there have been some changes that are quite nice in concept, but are failed by poor execution (a running theme for this game). The grip meter is a new thing, and is influenced by Lara’s upper body strength (like how her jumping/sprinting and door-kicking are affected by her lower body strength), like a sort of RPG attribute. These body strength factors are a nice tough and could’ve been a plus in a good game, but here the attributes are given out at arbitrary moments throughout the game and feel forced, like at one moment Lara must gain an upper body strength upgrade by just shunting a pile of boxes around for no real reason. When you couple this with the sluggish momentum-based “running”, it’s almost like the developers were trying to go for a more “realistic” feel but didn’t really know how to go about it.

There’s also a certain Bioware-esque dialogue tree that pops up from time to time in the game. While it’s a nice touch, the fact that there’s no real change to the outcome (bar 3 exceptions) kind of makes the interactions pointless.

Going past the mechanics, the game itself (at least on PC), is a glitchy, buggy mess that would crash for no reason. Textures are missing, walls vanish in some of Kurtis’ (a boring, bland secondary character we get to play as, and I’ll get to him in a second.) levels for no reason, not to mention that one level can be skipped entirely thanks to a bug where Lara just has to roll into a fucking wall. Also, not certain if it’s more an exploit than it is a bug, but it’s kinda of an anticlimax that the last two bosses can be cheesed by just commando-crawling under their projectiles. The greatest menaces to humanity, outdone by toddler maneuvers .

Now, onto Kurtis...Kurtis is a member of an organisation dedicated to stomping out evil, particularly sorcery and alchemy (thus pitting him against the big baddie, Eckhardt, who looks like he just got done trying to audition for the part of Auron from Final Fantasy). He’s supposed to come across as some sort of bad boy with magical powers, but honestly he’s a boring, ugly, fucking Broody McGravelvoice with no personality. You get to play as him for all of 3 (or was it 4?) levels, and boy oh boy, you will hat him throughout all of them. Somehow, and I didn’t know it was possible, somehow he controls WORSE than Lara. He moves like he’s got a broom up his arse and jumps like he’s on the fucking moon. His levels feel like they were  some De-mastered edition of Until Dawn, full of enemies that serve no purpose other than to drain you of resources, and are capped off with the worst boss fight ever, thanks to twitchy auto-aim and Kurtis’ shoddy controls. Like fucking Mark Williard at  the end of TR3 was more feasible than this cavalcade of bullshit. Also the first time he meets Lara in the Louvre, the cut-scene is just so unsettling and creepy, she should’ve just beat his arse into the tiled floor there and then. I seriously hope he’s dead.

And the ending... What a bloody disappointment; Lara wanders off into a dark passage after killing the bigger bad, and then...nothing. No credits, no “the end” screen, the game just shits you back onto the “Press Start” screen.

But in the end, after all was said and done, I think my opinion of AoD has shifted somewhat. I don’t hate it like I thought I did, I’m just, I dunno, disappointed...This game had so many good ideas that were handled so poorly, and it certainly wasn’t helped that, at least on the PC version, it was a glitch-fest and the controls were piss-poor. And as a final insult? Jiggle physics. I’m not fucking kidding like Core Design  couldn’t iron out the bugs and do something about the arse-backwards controls, but they gotta make sure dem jiggly titties are in there? -_-’ Fucking hell what a dumpster fire of a game. Like I want to like it but the fuck-headedness of it all just, just no. 

#rant #video games #gaming #tomb raider #tomb raider angel of darkness #tr6 #tr: aod #lara croft #idk i just #feel very conflicted about this game #opinions