#our aimless nights

[theacstories]

If you are in search of a sweet and innocent romance manga, set your sights on Our Aimless Nights by Koumori, a newly released series on Azuki!

#otaku #weeb #manga #the ac stories #youtube #english manga #manga review #our aimless nights #azuki #koumori #yoru no manimani #our aimless nights chapter 1 #chapter 1 #otakutainment #otakutainment reviews #new chapter #new manga chapter #new manga series #new series #first chapter #azuki manga #read azuki #jan mitsuko cash #sarah burch #barri shrager #glen isip #夜のまにまに #d. s. jay #evan minto #cynthia kim

[luulapants]

Existential despair is so common in a person's twenties, I think, because up until that point, we've had a pretty clear road map for what's expected of us and we haven't had much reason to question that map. There are still a few milestones outlined for us (start a career, get married, make babies) but more and more young people are entering the post-school world and realizing:

A) that career thing just isn't happening like they said it would

B) I'm not ready to get married/I don't want to get married/marriage isn't the sort of life-altering event that it used to be

C) I'm not ready to make babies/I don't want a baby/I can't afford to raise children right now (see point A)

And in the absence of these milestones to shoot for (which one could argue weren't the promise of fulfillment they claimed to be in the first place), what we're left with is this aimless abyss of "the rest of our lives" sprawling out ahead of us with no indication of how it will go or what we should be doing to shape it. Young people start their first jobs, find they hate them, and think to themselves, "Is this it? Am I just supposed to do this job until I'm too old to do it or die first?"

Which is, yeah, really fucking depressing!! So here's my best attempt at an alternate roadmap for young people that don't vibe with the old model. Please feel free to add in your own suggestions!

Learn how you work and what you want out of a job. Unless you've been in a job-specific training program that gives you hands-on experience, your first jobs should be experiments. Learn how a full-time job feels for you, what elements are more or less difficult. Different workplaces have different cultures and expectations - what do you need out of a job environment? Do you need to find fulfillment in your job or is it enough for it to pay the bills and leave you time to find outside fulfillment? Do you want to climb a corporate ladder or are you content to hunker down as long as your bills get paid? This period of experimentation is exhausting and may feel like it's consuming your whole life.

Learn how to make time for things outside of work. Adapting to a full-time work environment often leaves you feeling so drained that you can't do anything but go home and collapse on the couch every day. That's fine - for a little while. But it can also become a habit. You need to learn how to do things after work or you'll go crazy. Go to a trivia night. Start an exercise schedule. Take a class in your community. Find volunteer work. Join a band. You will find that putting more things into your day makes you feel like you have more time, not less.

Find a community. Making friends as an adult can feel impossible. Where do you find these mysterious friends everyone seems to have?? This goes along with #2, though. As you start regularly attending the same activities, you will find that repeat interactions with the same people turn into friendships or at least friendly acquaintances. Say yes to invitations. Get involved in your local community. Strive to be connected enough to bump into people at the grocery store.

Unlearn bad lessons. We all internalize some messed up things when we're growing up. As you start off your adult life, that's the time to actively work at unpacking the things you've brought with you from childhood and deciding which things are helping you and which things are harming you. This might mean therapy or joining a spiritual group or reading new things or just making special time to be in your own head.

Learn the lessons you missed. In this, I mostly mean practical things. "Adulting." Areas of your day-to-day practical life that are causing you extreme stress are probably related to a knowledge or experience gap. Do you hate cooking and cleaning or were you not taught how to do it properly? Are you afraid of making medical appointments or is it just something new you're not used to? Does money make you queasy or do you need to learn how to make a budget?

Find something fulfilling. This can be your job. It can be volunteer work. It can be faith. It can be a hobby. It can be creating things. It can be challenging yourself physically. It can be activism. It can be going for walks in nature. Everyone finds fulfillment in different places. If you're not finding it where you are, look somewhere else.

#adulting #advice

[chlorinecake]

🎙️ star-crossed lovers 【 薄幸な恋人 】 ⛦

summ✩ry ⭑⭒⭑ As rehearsals and promotions for your big collab stage with Enhypen become progressively more intense, you and Niki face challenges that might effect your secret relationship and standing with the company...

p✩iring ⭑⭒⭑ idol!niki x popstar!reader PREVIOUSLY

cont✩ins ⭑⭒⭑ band au, fluff, secret romance, kissing + a slightly heated make-out scene, mild bullying, LOTS of drama, reader is younger than Niki, 3.6k words

It felt strange having your hair, makeup, and clothes managed by someone else, especially in such a meticulous way.

Today was the big day of the Riot Grrlz x Enhypen fan meeting that Hybe was hosting in honor of your upcoming collaboration stage, the event acting as some sort of promotional.

The fashion theme for the day, as decided by the likes of an online poll distributed by Enhypen's Instagram account, was 'Schoolgirl / Schoolboy,' which meant everyone would be dressed in plaid neck ties and neatly-ironed button-down blazers.

“This'll have to do,” murmured one of the makeup artist's on duty, simply dusting you with a bit of blush, some gloss, and shimmery eye shadow because they couldn't find a foundation shade that matched your skin color.

“I can't find my contact solution!” Serenity exclaimed frantically in the dressing studio, searching through her sparkly teal duffle bag for the fifth time this hour.

Of course none of you were willing to assist her on the aimless contact solution hunt, especially not with the way she verbally harassed the makeup crew for not "lining her eyes right."

“Just let it go, Ren,” Sunghoon said with an annoyed sigh, “the stylists are making all of us wear glasses for the concept today anyways...”

“Okay first of all, don't call me by my nickname. Second, it's not my vision I'm worried about, but my image,” she clarified matter-of-factly, “I wanna impress the Korean fans with a big and bright boba eye moment...”

“You have sooo many problems,” Jade added with a similar irritation, rolling her eyes at the diva before a hairstylist ran over to clip in another track of fake hair.

“Tell me about it,” Serenity huffed despairingly, sticking her arms out like a scarecrow as the fashion crew adjusted the belt around her waist.

“Let's just try and maintain a good mood before the meeting guys,” you started optimistically amongst the tension, “the fans might pick up on our bad energy if we all show up pouting like this...”

“Easy for you to say,” Niki replied teasingly, “you slept like a baby last night… meanwhile, you kept me up with your insistent snoring…”

“Did not,” you whined in protest, looking back at his attractively playful expression, “it’s not my fault that the stories you tell in your groggy bedtime voice are so relaxing.”

Niki meant to reply but was rudely interrupted by Serenity’s stinky attitude, “Aww, late night bonding moment, I see? Hope a little ‘story time’ was as far as it got for you two lovebirds...”

You and Niki shook your heads in unison at her senseless comment, the rest of Enhypen and your band mates soon rushing out of the dressing room and outside to the awaiting limousine as the schedule manager directed.

“Make sure you have everything you need, guys! We’re running a bit behind on time and can’t afford any more set-backs,” exclaimed a tall, broad man in athletic wear, a black Hybe hat topping off his look.

“Got it, sir,” Jungwon replied politely, double-checking his leather cross-body bag before stepping into the vehicle, the rest of you following after him.

You didn’t expect to see Miss Kim in the front seat with the chauffeur, but you greeted her nonetheless.

“Morning, Miss Kim!,” You and Hearin started enthusiastically.

“Morning, Riot Grrlz,” she returned while not looking at any of you, writing hasty yet neat notes down on her clipboard, “I’ll be bold and assume you ladies have never attended any sort of fan event, correct?”

“Y-yes, that is correct,” Jade answered before you, crossing her legs in her seat, “this’ll be our very first experience today…”

“Oh, that’s cool for you then, isn’t it? Don’t worry if you don’t know what to say or do, by the way... just copy us,” you heard Heeseung encourage somewhere behind you, but your mind was more focused on the way Niki’s hand accidentally brushed against yours while you two glared out of the same window...

Accidentally… maybe…

“I was just getting around to that, Heeseung,” Miss Kim continued after clearing her coffee-stained throat, “Korean fans as a whole are pretty cutthroat, and whether you’re a foreigner or not, they expect you to present yourself a certain way…”

“Perfect,” Sunoo thought out loud, “they expect you to be perfect…”

“That’s just the way this idol life goes, I'm afraid,” Jungwon sighed from his seat, not empathetically, but in a realistic sense.

“Either way, you girls should be safe to mirror whatever the boys are doing if you ever feel confused…” Miss Kim trailed off, the limo being just a few feet from reaching the fan meeting center, “Good luck today, you all.”

▶︎ ၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊| • • •

Things were turning out surprisingly smooth at the event, to say the least.

Needless to mention, you and Niki stayed pretty close the entire time, and the fans seemed to be amused by your attempt at famous duo heart poses with him.

“Just extend your hand like this,” he instructed while giggling, watching as your overhead heart ended up looking more like an oval to the audience.

Serenity was received as a fan favorite, too, her “boba eye” look captivating the male attendees while others were more entertained in her beginner Korean skills.

“Hwaiting,” she exclaimed confidently before the fans one too many times for your tolerance, Sunghoon’s face clearly showing just how much he was enjoying not being the cringiest person in the room for once.

Or, at least that was until an older fan requested that he and Sunoo sing and dance to the infamous aeygo Ottoke song for good luck at the show tomorrow.

“The things we do for engene,” the two boys collectively thought to themselves while fastening coquette bunny ears atop their heads, hoping that their enthusiasm would override the embarrassment.

It was all just such a culture shock for you and your group.

“Uhhh, a little help here?” Haerin worriedly called out to Jake as a particularly excited Korean fan approached her with a lot to say that she could barely understand.

“Oh- allow me,” Jake offered between the language barrier, translating to Haerin what the fan was trying to tell her.

“She thinks I’m a what now?”

“A K-pop Idol, mostly because of your trendy look today,” Jungwon giggled warmly, “the prophesied eighth member of Enhypen, in fact...”

Haerin laughed with both embarrassment and flattery, trying her best to explain to the young fan that she was a member of the Riot Grrlz and Riot Grrlz only.

Interactive activities continued just as well after this, the event nearing its end as you and Niki did a few TikTok dance challenges for the fans on stage.

Dance challenges that you had practiced with him in eery hours of the night, or whenever you two were left alone in the dance studio.

That, alongside other things too… like stealing sweet kisses here and there… or nearly melting while staring into each others love struck eyes—

“____, right?” A fan asked, approaching you with a blue marker and square of paper.

“Yes, that’s me. Nice to meet you,” you returned, keeping eye contact with her, despite the dark shades she wore.

“Nice to meet you, too! I have so many questions to ask you about what it’s like working with Enhypen!… and I really like your hair, too! The highlights look really nice with your outfit hehe… ALSO, I've been listening to a lot of your groups songs recently, and my favorite has to be the main track from your most recent album, it’s so unique!…” the fans voice eventually trailed off shyly.

“Oh my goodness, sorry for rambling!! Uhmmm, can I get your autograph by any chance?”

“Aww, thank you,” you smiled brightly, “and it’s okay! I find it cute how interested you are in my experience and music…”

Your hand reached out to grab the marker from her grasp, your body leaning forward slightly as you signed your name on the photo, resting your weight on the desk before you.

So lost in the moment, you didn’t even realize that the photo you had just signed was one of you and Niki hanging out just outside of Yeouido Park the other night.

It was impossible to hold back the gasp that escaped your throat at the realization, your finger loosing its grip around the marker as your stunned eyes met her knowing ones.

“Look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she chuckled in a facetiously sweet tone, you and her hands fighting over the now autographed-polaroid before your grip overthrew hers.

“Where did you get that—”

“Your secret’s safe with me, alright?” She interrupted with a sharp whisper, “So long as you work on distancing yourself from Niki moving forward…”

You blinked in feigned confusion at her words, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, we’re just colleagues—”

“And he’s an idol,” she cut in again, “idols don’t belong to silly American girls like you… you don’t even belong in our world…”

At this point, you're certain she could see how upset you were with her, and you didn't even care to hide it. “Everyone has welcomed me here, expect for you… and to what gain? I’m here with my band solely for work purposes, and I can assure you there is nothing you have to worry about concerning my professionalism.”

Your strong reply seemed to have rubbed her the wrong way, one of her hands fastening the bag over her shoulder while the other adjusted the glasses sitting at her nose.

“Thank you for your time,” she nearly growled at you, that same phony smile plastered to her lips before she hurriedly walked away, disappearing into the crowd of fans.

You let out a breath that you didn't even know you'd been holding, trying to calm yourself down before anyone noticed the silent commotion that had occurred on your side of the meeting booth.

All you could do was hope that this was the only copy or evidence of you and Niki hanging out that night as you folded the paper into a small square, tucking it under your sleeve in a way that no one would notice.

Above all though, you were just glad that the event was coming to an end soon, a few on-set staff members already helping to put away some stage props, meanwhile Sunoo, Heeseung, and Jade helped themselves to bringing along some gifts from fans.

“Hey... uhm, Heeseung? Can I-”

“Yes, Jade,” Heeseung answered with a giggle, “you can have all of my kitty plush gifts...”

▶︎ ၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊| • • •

The limo ride back to the HYBE building was quiet, the sole thought roaming in the back of your mind being that one fan's cruel words…

…𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘈𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶… 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥...

It wasn’t like you were trying to infiltrate the world of K-pop.

You and your group were simply expanding your collab horizons upon being invited, and it seriously boggled you how anyone would have a problem with that—

“Knock knock,” Niki said with a smile in his voice from behind the door to your private backstage dressing room, waiting for your cue that it was safe for him to come in.

“You can come in, Niki,” you replied softly, standing in front of the body length wall mirror while struggling to fix your hair into a suitable style for the stage practice in a few minutes.

“Hi,” you greeted again once he reached you, watching as his eyes traced your reflection, almost immediately picking up on your nervous demeanor.

“You did great today, ____, y’know that?” He started with a low voice, guiding your stressed hands away from your head and resting them at your sides.

“Niki, I have to get ready—”

“And you already look more than prepared,” he encouraged, securing his hands around your waist before leaving a kiss below your ear, “gorgeous, even...”

“Thanks,” you answered shyly, somehow already feeling a bit better about things now that he was near you.

“So. Are you gonna tell me what’s got you upset or are we gonna make this a guessing game?” He teased, making you chuckle a bit as his attempt to cheer you up.

Your eyes fell to the floor, his grip on you loosening as a little sigh escaped your freshly glossed lips.

“A fan…,” you began quietly, “at the meeting today… she asked me to sign this photo.”

Reaching into your bra, you pulled out the mysterious square photo and watched with a pout as Niki carefully unfolded it from each corner.

“I… I don’t understand…” he stuttered, eyes glazing over the sight of you and him holding hands at the firework show that night.

“I know, it’s my fault that—”

“No…,” he interrupted your words before meeting your guilt-ridden eyes, “I don’t understand why you’re letting this get to you…”

“Excuse me?” You asked with a confused expression, “if something like this gets out, it could ruin both of our careers, y’know?”

“Sure,” he responded nonchalantly with a shrug, “but I couldn’t care less about some jealous sasaeng’s creepy little photo fest… by now, it’s gonna take a lot more than an innocent, harmless photo of us hanging out to make me question our status in this field.”

“You never take anything seriously, Nishimura,” you smiled with a sigh, shaking your head as you watched his fingers tear the photo to pieces.

“Well you’re definitely an exception to that trait of mine,” he smirked, tucking the torn shreds of paper into his back pocket before finding your face in his hands, placing a tender kiss to your left cheek.

“How sweet of you to say,” you whispered softly, grabbing the neckline of his shirt and pulling him closer to your height, “now how about you kiss me properly this time?”

He hummed at your teasing tone, sharp features softening as he tilted his head, sealing the space between you and him with the sweet kiss you’d been waiting for.

“I’ll never get tired of this,” Niki sighed against your lips, his right hand removing the rubber band securing your ponytail so his fingers could roam freely through your curls.

Things were escalating pretty quickly now, both of your breaths sounding more labored with each second as you stumbled backwards onto the desk, his energy leading the kiss as he remained on top of you.

It was almost more than you could handle, his hands roaming at your sides before your eyes barely fluttered open, the sight of his slightly blushed button-nose making you feel like melting on the spot.

Thats when you realized his pink hue was a result of two reasons: (1) The way your hands shyly clung to his shoulders right now, and (2) the shadow of footsteps peeking behind your dressing room door.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Hello? Miss ____, its Kim... Are you decent?”

“Erm, one second!” You responded in an obvious frantic.

Niki helped you get up from the vanity table, kneeling down quickly to hide himself under the it as the stern lady made her way into the room anyway.

“Sorry to intrude,” she began abruptly, not even taking note of your currently disheveled hair and flushed expression, “but I’ve unfortunately been appointed as the bearer of bad news for today…”

“Oh... uhm, w- what is it, is everyone alright?” You asked with a concerned tone, trying to take your mind off the fact that a Niki stained with the glimmer of your peach flavored lipgloss all over his mouth was literally under your desk right now, a mere two feet away from Miss Kim’s leather boots.

“For the most part, yes… but it concerns one of your band mates… Serenity, specifically… Since you are the leader of your group, I found it humble to have at least this much respect to tell you first in private.”

You let out a breath, closing your eyes for a moment before opening them back up, restoring your usually confident aura and making eye contact with the woman.

“Thank you, Miss Kim… I’m listening…”

▶︎ ၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊| • • •

The sounds of shoes rhythmically scuffing, mics going in and out of focus, and layered fits of heavy breathing filled your ears for the next two hours.

Design tech, stage directors, and performers alike were giving it their all to perfect things before the big show coming up.

You paced around the shiny stage, a sweat rag secured lazily around your neck as you and the Enhypen members just got through with rehearsing the main choreo at the performing arena for the first time.

Everyone except Jay and Jade that is, who were still busy with working on their guitar duet for the intro show backstage with the music writers.

“I have no idea how you can still see after being in front of these bright stage lights all the time,” you huffed out tiredly, glancing at Sunoo who only shrugged while taking a few gulps from his grey water bottle.

“I’m not too sure either, but for the lot of us, it’s just something you have to get used to,” he tried warmly before letting himself fall on the ground, limbs spread out like an exhausted snowman as sweat trickled down his forehead.

“Here, lemme show you a little trick I like to use,” Niki offered with a smile while approaching you from behind, his larger frame casting a shadow before you.

“Look down there,” he started, guiding your waist with one hand as he pointed ahead of you with the other, “do you see the tech crew down there?”

You looked to where his finger was pointing, eyes being met with the sight of workers who sat in reclining chairs while others drank some coffee, a few sporadic employees carrying clipboards with stacks of paper, giving out orders to their fellow floor members.

“Yeah, I see them,” you answered, making Niki laugh slightly for reasons you didn’t fully understand.

“That means you’re too close then,” he replied, still holding your waist as he guided you to take a few steps back, which ended up being more steps for you given the leg length differences.

“There’s a rule of thumb that if you can see the audience, they can’t see you… are the lights still bothering you now?”

“Not as much, actually,” you said, turning to face him as he still held you close, everything in your body fighting not to kiss him in this moment given the way he looked back at you, “thanks again…”

“Anytime,” he smirked smuggly, “but uhhh, I think people might be looking at us now—”

“Oh,” you giggled shyly, backing a few inches away from him.

“Ahem,” a nagging voice cleared from beside you two, breaking the wholesome presence of the moment.

“Do you guys think you’re invisible or something?” Serenity asked, crossing her arms while staring the both of you up.

“Uhm…. No?” Niki answered for you, furrowing his eyes at the blue-eyed diva.

“Then why’re you just standing there? You’re blocking my light…”

You let out a scoff at her words, feeling baffled at the thought of how insecure girls like her could have such egotistical tendencies.

“Sorry, Serenity…,” you said half-heartedly, “didn’t mean to disturb your… solo mid-break practice session...”

“Really appreciate it, leader lady,” she replied sarcastically, very intentionally bumping into your shoulder as she walked past you before stopping in her tracks, a loose copy of the stage schedule getting caught under her baby pink sneakers.

She leaned down to pick it up, examining the text before her eyes stumbled over a line of bolded words. All of this was for reasons she didn’t understand, but either way, would soon resent.

“Ugh?!!” She exclaimed with a confused scoff, “HYBE is kicking me from the show??”

Your eyes widened at her words, the furious, confused, and torn look on her face doing nothing but make Niki smirk to himself, “Serenity, I can explain—”

“And you knew about this, didn’t you?” She accused with balled fists, looking between your nervous face and Niki’s shamelessly proud one.

“I just found out today, okay? But Miss Kim specifically instructed me not to say anything about until she revealed it to you herself after practice,” you clarified with a shaky voice.

“Please,” she said with a scoff, “And what’s with the face, Nishimura Nimrod? Huh!? Your little girlfriend told you before she told me, her own band mat—”

“I didnt tell him anything!” You retorted with a slightly raised voice, cracking with nerves you couldn't keep buried anymore.

You never liked being in the hot seat unless you were sitting there with Niki, thanks to his ability to always maintain his cool under pressure...

However, for some reason, even with him next to you right now, you still felt like hurling yourself to the ground.

“You had to have told me him something, so just stop with your insistent lies, ____,” Serenity spat, poking a finger in the center of your chest. Hard.

“You couldn’t wait to get rid of me, its been all over your rotten little face ever since we got here… You’re so jealous of me and it’s honestly depressing at this point…”

Oh Serenity, you thought in your mind, if only you knew this was all brought on by yourself…

You’d had enough of her ignorant speech, holding a fierce eye contact with her while trying to conceal the tears forming behind your eyes.

The sadness growing in your heart…

“None of this was my decision, Ren, so if you have a bone to pick with someone, try taking it up with Miss Kim herself,” you said firmly, walking back a few steps in case she tried touching you again, “I'm sure she'd be more than happy to inform you on her reasons for exiling you from the main activities…”

“What’s going on you guys?” Haerin asked timidly in the midst of the chaos, having just come back from washing up in the restroom.

Serenity practically burned holes in your face with her venomous glare before turning sharply on her heel, footsteps loud and startling as she marched off the stage, murmuring a string of curses under her breath.

“Soooo,” Sunghoon started with a curious accent, “I’m usually not the best at comprehending things, but I’m assuming that whatever just happened was a lot more serious than the usual Riot Grrlz drama, correct?”

“Yeah, what's the big deal ____?,” Jade asked alongside Jake, who gave your shoulder a comforting shake.

You fought with everything in your body to not to let any tears fall...

Because in this moment, it just felt right to cry, but at the same time, was it really worth appearing weak in front of everyone?

Everyone who counted on you to remain strong?

You exhaled with a deep breath, wiping the pricks of moisture from your eyes before speaking, “Serenity won’t be performing with us for the special stage anymore… only the ending song.”

A cacophony of gasps filled the room at your words, Jungwon having picked up the loose schedule copy to analyze it for himself, the bolded words reading:

>> SERENITY TAYLOR Authorized to be PULLED from Furthering Her Performance Activities in Sight of Behavioral Decency Violations Under HYBE's Collaboration and Code of Conduct Standards

“Will she be allowed to attend the award show at least,” Heeseung inquired, not out of empathy, but curiosity as all of this was unfolding pretty fast.

“Perhaps, but for now, we can rest on the thought that we’ll have one less problem while preparing from here on out,” you answered, feeling a large hand take your hand in theirs before giving it a gentle squeeze.

Niki.

“Either way, the show must go on you guys,” he said with a deep voice, the faintest smile being on his face as he looked back at you, dark eyes sparkling with sincerity.

The stage lights flickered from ahead and above you, a key indicator that the radio would be picking up again soon, playing the instrumental to your practice track.

“Mic check everyone and it’s back to rehearsals in five,” yelled out a staff member from below the stage, the ten of you now lining up in formation while adjusting your headsets around your ears.

There was only one thought that remained in your head as the choreographer hopped up center stage to explain how the performance would accommodate for Serenity's sudden absence:

The show must go on.

🎙️For my baby, @microwvdstrawb3rri3s 💕 This is episode 3 for ya ~ Thanks for being so patient with me :3

⛦ TAGS: @squoxle @nikisvanillaccola @yourmomscuntis2tighy @nikimeows @kimjiho1 @nikipedia07 @nishimuradaniel @ashgonedash @laurradoesloveu @caithefly @samhomo @rikikiynikilcykiki @3ngene--frvr @illymontyshit @filmofhybe @whoslug @nikiiitties

🎙️ Feel free to check out more fun reads on the pinned post at my home page ~

#niki fluff #niki x reader #niki scenarios #niki fanfic #niki imagines #niki soft hours #niki drabbles #enha niki #niki enhypen #enhypen #enhypen nishimura riki #niki ff #enhypen riki #nishimura riki #enhypen x reader #enhypen x y/n #enhypen fic #enhypen fluff #enhypen soft hours #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen drabbles #enhypen ff #nishimura riki x reader #riki fluff #idol au

[musingsofahufflepuff]

Just a Glimpse of Us

ex!Mattheo Riddle x gn!reader, Theodore Nott x gn!reader; angst

summary: after a particularly rough break up with mattheo, theodore is there to pick up the pieces. he’s the perfect boyfriend in theory, so why do you wish it was your ex instead?

a/n: while the reader is currently dating theo, this isn’t really about him (sorry bby ily). our focus today is matt. he’s a bit of a dick for the majority and says a couple of insensitive things. the happy ending won, so here it is, happy valentine’s day ♡

Only 2 weeks after your relationship ending fight with Mattheo Riddle, Theodore Nott asked you out. You said yes.

It had taken you a week longer than it had for Mattheo.

You weren’t entirely sure why you had said yes. The pessimist in you said it was only because you were hurt. The optimist in you meekly thought different.

Theodore was attractive and surprisingly gentle with you. In the days following the break up, he frequently sought you out in the nooks of the castle you started to escape to. The times when you couldn’t keep yourself together, he held you as you broke down in tears and didn’t let go until the pain subsided. His chest was warm and sturdy and safe. The scent of smoke lingered on him hauntingly similar to the way it hung to Mattheo, permeating his clothes and your soul.

He was there by your side when you stumbled on a Ravenclaw girl practically chewing Mattheo’s face off out in the hall in front of god and everyone, 3 days post breakup. Part of you knew he wanted you to see.

A piece of you died that day.

The following weekend party ended with you in Theodore’s bed. Maybe you wanted Matt to walk in his dorm and see you with one of his best friends. Maybe you wanted him to feel the same festering wound you had been living with since he had stormed out of your life.

He never did come back that night.

A week after Mattheo broke your heart a second time, Theodore found you sitting in the astronomy tower, knees to your chest, staring at the view of the valley. He sat next to you, arm easing its way across your shoulders as you leaned into him. He had seemed nervous, so unlike his usual stoic and relaxed demeanor.

“Would you want to maybe go to Hogsmeade with me tesorino?”

The pessimist in you was right.

♡ ♡ ♡

That was a month ago. A month of dating Theodore Nott. You were less sad at least. Or maybe you were just more numb.

Despite sitting at the Slytherin table with Theodore and your friends, you weren’t really present. You were vaguely aware of his hand resting on your side and the unintelligible chattering filling in the background noise of aimless thoughts. Your eyes were facing the rest of the Great Hall, but you were looking through it. You used to sit here with all the same people but Mattheo always used to be here too. You hadn’t seen him during meals or class lately. He would sling his arm around your waist during meals like this. Theodore’s touch burns.

Before your mind can drift off too far as to what he could possibly be up to recently, the doors to the great hall open with a thud.

It takes a few blinks to get your eyes to focus back and when they do, you’re greeted to a bored looking Mattheo, arm loosely resting on—what appears to be a Hufflepuff—girl’s shoulder.

Theodore’s grip on you tightens and a kiss is pressed to your temple. Matt’s eyes rake over to where you’re sat and you can’t quite figure out what he’s thinking. As quickly as he looked your way, he directs his attention elsewhere.

“You okay tesorino? You got tense,” Theodore speaks softly above your ear.

With an exhale you smile up at him, “I’m okay Teddy.” He’s looking at you like you placed the moon in the sky for his enjoyment and it reminds you of brown eyes that had once looked at you the same way.

Pushing the thought from your mind, you press a firm kiss on his lips- searching for butterflies or fireworks or something when he returns the motion.

You find none.

♡ ♡ ♡

“Nott? Really sweetheart? You can do better than that.”

Mattheo’s voice stabs through you, making you involuntarily jerk to a halt. It had been so long since you’d heard his voice. You try to regain your breath before turning to face him. He’s standing in the middle of the hall, cocky smile on his face. You had forgotten how arrogant he could be, used to his sweet smiles and soft eyes reserved only for you. You desperately longed for it. That Matt was long gone, just a whisper you were still hopelessly trying to grasp onto.

He raises an eyebrow when you make no attempt to respond, seemingly expecting a snarky remark. He takes a couple strides toward you. He baits you again, “I guess I can see why you hang around him, he follows you around like a pathetic dog.” You bite.

“At least I’m not a manwhore who jumps in the first skirt offered to him,” the calm in your tone surprises you, your entire soul feels like it could shatter any moment. “What do you want Riddle?”

Something flashes across Matt’s face for the briefest of moments. So subtle only you would have noticed it.

Before he can respond Theodore is by your side, “why don’t you say that shit to my face next time.”

“And here’s the guard dog now. Have to say, didn’t expect my best mate to lap up my sloppy seconds.”

Tears sting in your eyes at his unexpected cruelty. Then the sound of a fist cracking bone is making you jump. You cover your mouth with your hands as blood starts pouring out of Mattheo’s nose. A crowd has started to form around the three of you and you’re grabbing Theodore’s arm that’s getting ready to take another swing.

Matt’s face is hard to read. He doesn’t immediately react to his apparently broken nose nor the blood staining his uniform. Instead his eyes are locked on you.

You force your voice to work, “c’mon Teddy, it’s not worth it.”

He snaps his head towards you in bewilderment. “Tesorino you heard what he just said about you, right?” Your heart aches at his concern only for you, your gaze shifting to meet Mattheo. The same aching heart reminds you he would have done the same for you once upon a time.

Those pretty brown eyes convince you that you don’t want to see his face anymore beaten than it already was.

“Please Teddy, let’s just go.” You look up at Theodore’s face and tug on his arm.

He relaxes his stance and gives you a nod, letting you lead him away. You do your best to not look back at Mattheo.

However you can’t help the quick glance over your shoulder; seeing Matt looking at you, ironically, like a kicked puppy.

You cry yourself to sleep that night, locked in Theodore’s suffocating embrace.

♡ ♡ ♡

Monday night finds you back in the astronomy tower, cigarette in your fingers. You had swiped it from Theodore’s stash before classes this morning. It wasn’t the same brand Matt used. Knowing Nott, it was probably higher quality.

You turn the stick in your hand, blinking back tears. Thoughts of your time up here with Matt swirl around your head, making it hard to breathe.

There at the top of the tower surrounded by the cool night, you break.

It happens all at once. No build up, just a shatter. Sobs rack through your body and an animalistic cry of pure pain and despair forces its way out of you.

♡ ♡ ♡

Mattheo pushes himself off the leather couch he sat on in the common room. Enzo looks up at him with furrowed eyebrows. He pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and flashes it at the boy, “need a smoke, wanna come with?”

He gets a small head shake no in response before he turns to leave the dungeons.

The walk up to the astronomy tower is familiar and would be comforting in different circumstances. As he starts climbing up the stairs he hears broken sobs echo through the tower. He hesitates thinking it might be best to leave the person alone, but his concern wins out and he treks onward. To say he’s shocked when he sees it’s you is an understatement. Heart rate picking up at the thought of you being hurt, he makes his way over.

At the sound of his footsteps, in between sobs you choke out, “please leave Theo, I want to be alone.”

“I’m not Theo, sorry to disappoint,” the words are slightly joking but his tone is gentle.

You lift your head up to look at him, eyes red and tear tracks staining your cheeks. His heart aches. He settles himself down next to you, giving you space.

You sit together in silence for a few moments, his mere presence wrapping itself around you like a childhood blanket, tattered and long lost. You feel some semblance of peace for the first time in months.

“I’m sorry,” he ducks his head down, shame overtaking him. “You didn’t deserve the way I treated you.”

He tilts his head to look at you, eyebrows knitting together. He almost looks like he could cry. “You’re not my sloppy seconds and Theo isn’t a dog, I just-“ he goes back to avoiding your eyes and blinks a couple times, a tear rolling down his cheek. You reach out and gently wipe it away with your thumb. It has the unintended consequence of making more tears start to fall.

“I was angry and hurt and I guess the only way I know how to express that is by hurting everyone around me.” Your soul shouts at you to reach out for him, but you hold back.

“I think about you all the time,” he’s curled in on himself in the way you’ve only ever seen him do when he talks about his home life. “I miss you so much.”

His eyes squeeze shut in an attempt to stop crying, fingers digging into his biceps. You know him too well, can read his actions like you were reading his mind.

You pull him into your arms.

It’s easy to tell you made the right decision when he instantly relaxes in your embrace, instinctively pushing his head against your chest like he had done so many times before. His voice comes out quieter when he says, “I don’t expect you to forgive me, lord knows I wouldn’t.”

A small smile works its way onto your face as you speak to him for the first time since the fight in the hallway, “you’ve always been the type to hold a grudge. And I know you’d never admit it, but it’s because you care.”

“I’m sorry for kissing that girl, I don’t even know her name. I thought it would fill the hole in me, but it didn’t. Then I saw you with Theo at the party and—“ his voice cracks. You tighten your grip, a hand coming up to run through his curls.

You release a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding, “I told Theo that I couldn’t keep seeing him today. I felt like I was using him, cause he’s not you.”

Matt pulls himself out of your embrace to cup your face in his hands, dark eyes swimming with unshed tears and that gentle look he used to give you. The one where you could see the longing, the raw need for your touch and love and approval and very essence of your being. It was vulnerable and gave away just how deeply sorry he was for hurting you.

You were drawn to him as you had always been, a planet orbiting a sun that gave off such warmth and fiery passion but could also burn magnitudes of pain that was near incomprehensible.

“I can’t fix the damage I’ve done, but I want to spend my life making it up to you. And I’ll do everything in my power to make amends with Theo. Please, let me be part of your life again.”

“Matty, I want to, but I don’t want to feel like that again. It was hell,” your voice catches on the last part, a stray tear escaping. Gentle lips are pressed on your cheek where the tear was.

“I will never make you feel that way again. And I give you full permission to use an unforgivable if I don’t keep my promise. Fuck, I’ll take an unbreakable vow if that’s what you want, love.”

You can’t hold back anymore, pressing your lips to his in a kiss that rivals the most beautiful sunsets, warmth rushing over you. This is what home feels like.

#mattheo riddle #theodore nott #mattheo riddle x reader #theodore nott x reader #mattheo x you #mattheo riddle x male reader #theo nott x reader #theo nott x male reader #theo nott #slytherin boys #harry potter #angst #angst with a happy ending

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Hii not sure if your requests are open or not- so ignore this if they’re closed! <3

Can I request some Obey Me! Headcanons?

So reader is the 8th sister of the brothers. So she’s the youngest.

Just some general headcanons of her relationships w the brothers

( And some of the side characters if it’s not too much trouble :>)

Thanks <33

I've already done something like that but I love the concept so I'm just going to build that 🖤🖤🖤🖤

Youngest Sibling Reader Headcannons | Yandere Obey Me

Lucifer

Before I said he was the worst one and I mean it

He’s an amalgamation of someone who understands you but undermines you at every moment

Because he understands, he does listen

He just doesn’t hold your opinions on the same level as his own

But worse 

Of course his brother’s constant chatter about aimless things isn’t on his level

But every now and then he’ll enjoy hanging out with them 

But not you

Never you 

“Ah so you do pay attention to the political atmosphere. Good job.”

Or

“I don’t expect you to know but I’ll tell you anyways.”

It’s degrading

It’s disrespectful

And he does not care

You can cry and yell all you like 

it’ll just sound like a tantrum to him 

So he’ll treat like one

“If you can’t behave, I’ll have to send you to the attic.”

Leviathan

As previously stated is apart of the group that just misinterprets everything you say

It’s hard to say if it’s delusion or denial 

Because sometimes he’ll slip up 

You’ll catch him crying or a single mumble in his late night rambles 

“Aw my baby is so grown up…I just can’t believe it anymore.”

If you try to address it he’ll pat your head and ruffle your hair (if you have any)

Before telling you it’s nothing for the baby to worry about anyway

It’s incredibly annoying 

When he writes off your achievements in gaming as button mashing 

Or saying your just a genius so you’d get on his level eventually

Any protests or ‘grown-up’ conversations are often just outright ignore

Now doing things outside of the ‘baby’ image he has of you mostly has him ignoring that too

Unless you come back hurt or specifically crying for his help 

He will actually start flooding places and going into an absolute rampage

He won’t listen to you about calming down

Its going to take all the brothers to de-aggro their brother to save everyone from drowning

“Sorry guys I just want to make sure our baby sib is doing okay!”

Asmodeus

Also a part of that ‘doesn’t listen to you’ crew

Accept while he might actually here you his brain literally just never let’s him hear your real voice

“Can you please stop trying to rearrange my closet?! It’s weird to find you digging through my stuff–”

“Okay okay no need to cry what’s the problem baby sib? C’mon you can use your words! Tell big bro Asmo what’s the matter?”

It’s almost a concern when he does it in front of your other brothers 

Especially the ones you can hold an actual conversation

“Hey (Y/n) can you pass the salt and the salad.”

“Sure, man.”

“Hey Hey! Why are you bothering (Y/n), they’re trying to focus on eating? Not to mention your being such a meanie, trying to make them reach with their tiny arms!”

“(Y/n) is sitting closer to me than you…”

“So? How do you expect them to know good manners if you don’t show them! Here I’ll show you how! Watch me baby (Y/n)!”

He honestly doesn’t compute when you’re getting older

He’ll celebrate birthdays, milestones, awards

But he doesn’t believe you are growing and can’t see it either

Reprimanding you when you went out with your own car

“I’m all for playing with your toys, but you have to have a chaperone. Okay?”

That being said any advances from others are met with extreme animosity

“Not my little (Y/n)! Try that with someone else’s little baby!”

#yandere x reader #yandere x you #lovelyyandereaddictionpoint #yanderexrea #yanderes #yandere #yandere obey me #yandere platonic #yandere platonic obey me x reader #yandere platonic obey me lucifer #yandere platonic obey me asmodeus #yandere platonic obey me leviathan #yandere obey me x reader #yandere obey me asmodeus

[grugruel]

Bad News 11 |

Parts: 2/2, read part 1 HERE

Pairings: dbf!bucky x f!reader

MDNI/NSFW

Masterlist

Inspired by, Call Me by Your Name

Summary: After giving into your desires, you have a day to spend together with your family. With a guilty contiouns and strong feelings eating away at you, can you ever be with him?

Word count: 5.6k

Warnings: secret-relationship, pinv sex, public sex, thigh riding, choking, creampie, aftercare, petnames (doll, sweet girl), praise, reader being a brat, jealous!bucky, jealous!reader, angst.

AN: Thank you all for the love on part 1, and for participating in my polls! The Bucky fandom is a force to be reckoned with. Hope part 2 is satisfactory, please enjoy! <3

Cold Thoughts

The clouds were in a rush, steadily blowing by my window as I laid sleepless, observing them. Bucky filled my mind, I had to wonder why he hadnt deemed it fit for me to stay with him in his room, I already missed the safety of his embrace. But now I was worried that, perhaps, he had changed his mind.

Sighing, I pulled Buckys blanket tighter around me, nuzzling my face into it. Still smelling him. I considered it for a while, zoning out as I rubbed the fabric between my fingertips.

I was sowing doubts within myself, that combined with my hangover had headache was manifesting. Eliminating any chances I had at sleep.

I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and left my room, wandering the house in an aimless search for healthier thoughts, but my mind was drifting, always. Secretly hoping that he couldnt sleep either, that his thoughts of me was keeping him up aswell.

I walked outside, into the dim night, hoping that some fresh air would clear my mind of ache and worry. I strolled of the beaten path toward the forest, wandering in the downtrodden trail I had so many times before. The grass was coated with water droplets from yesterdays rain and the scent of it was still in the air, curing my mind and ache. I looked back toward the house, a faint red dot glowed on the upper balcony, igniting a spark of hope inside me, but it faded as quickly as it had appeared, making me think I had imagined it.

I reached the tree line, grazing the treetrunks with my fingertips as I walked past their leaved frontier, the moon shone through the crowns, illuminating the forest floor. I walked silently for a while, contemplating everything as I delved deeper into the forest. But suddenly, I heard the crunching of leaves behind me and the destinct sound of footsteps. I turned around, and there, emerging from the empty fields was Bucky. My heart skipped a beat and we froze as we locked eyes with eachother. A smile crept its way up his lips, mimicking my own. And all my previous worries escaped my mind, he hadnt been able to sleep either and followed me down here. I backed up, and slowly he stalked forward. My heart was beating ferosiously as mischief took the reins, I turned around and ran as quickly as I could manage. I heard his footsteps set of behind me as I was swerving through the trees, blanket flowing behind me, narowly avoiding low hanging branches and bushes ripping my skirt. I squeeled as his footsteps were catching up to me, he was just a few inches behind me.

I ran and ran, figuring that he shouldve caught me by now. I looked back and all of a sudden his hands found my waist, he spun us around and we fell to the forest floor laughing. I landed on top of him, my head coming to rest on his chest as he intentionally took the blow to the ground. Smelling of smoke and cologne, he wrapped one arm around my shoulders and placed the other at the small of my back. Panting, we fought to catch our breaths.

'What are you doing out here doll?' He asked between breaths.

'Couldnt sleep.' I answered and looked up at him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest.

He met my eyes, 'To busy thinking of me?' He teased, stroking strands of hair from my face so he could see me blushing better. I burried my face in his chest, embaressed. He chuckled.

'Whatever.' my voice came muffled through the fabric of his shirt, but the smile that shaped my lips could still be heard in my tone.

'I couldnt stop thinking about you either doll.' He laughed.

I blushed even harder, looking away, smiling so wide it hurt. My feelings for him were getting out of control, 'We've got ourselves in a mess Buck.' I sighed.

'You come down here often?.' He asked, changing the subject and stroked my hair.

'When I need to clear my head.' I told him quietly, playing along.

He quirked an eyebrow and grabbed my chin, moving my face to meet his, 'You needed to clear it tonight? Youre not regretting our time together are you?' He asked, uncertainty in his tone.

I was surprised by his answer, 'No, of course not. Infact, I was afraid you were.' I said, eyebrow furrowing.

He shook his head dissapointedly, 'You have no idea how wrong you are doll.' He told me tilting my chin upward to meet his lips in a soft kiss.

His answer had me smiling for the thousand time, ripping up any doubts I'd previously sown. I lost myself in his kiss, until it made me remember what we needed to discuss. 'Youre distracting me, stop. We have a very real problem Buck.' I told him seriously.

He sighed and sat up, his hand slid from the small of my back to my ass, firmly holding me against him so I wouldnt slide off as placed me neatly in his lap, stradeling him. He planted his hands behind him for support. He leaned in to kiss me again, attempting to get me on other thoughts but I pulled back and looked away nonchalantly. He expression turned displeased, but I payed him no mind. Instead, I focused on rubbing my hands together, trying to warm them as I waited for his answer. He noticed and grabbed my hands, sticking them under his shirt and laying them against his chiseled, warm torso. Hissing from the sudden feeling of my cold hands.

'Our only problem right now is us always finding ourselves in situations where you freeze.' He said, pausing as he grabbed my chin again, tilting it upward so I had to meet his eyes, 'And I always have to warm you up.' He smirked, 'Is that your go-to plan to get me into bed?' He teased again.

'Stop, oh my god.' I shook my head, embaressed again, my face flustered, but smiling increadolously. Until I reminded myself to stay focused, damn. 'You know thats not what I meant though, were always in these situations because we create them.' I told him, my smile fading.

He shook his head, 'I dont want to think about that right now. I have you infront of me, and thats all I ever want think about.' He said and circled his arms around my waist, lifting me so he could reposition himself. Sitting on his knees, then had me stradle him again, hooking my legs around his hips and held my hands at his waist.

He cupped my face and kissed me, 'You've cursed me, you know.' He whispered against my lips, his hands sliding down every curve of my body until they met my hips, grabbing them firmly. His touch putting me in a trance, his already hard to resist charm became even more difficult. I could feel his member hardening through his sweats, automatically pulling myself closer to him and closing the distance between my core and his erection. He hummed in response, 'I dont know what you did to me doll, during that first night we talked this summer.' He said in a strained voice as his hands moved my hips, helping me grind onto his hardness, earning him a whimper from me. 'But youre the only thing I ever think about, the only thing that gets me off.' He grunted, kissing me again, more desperate this time.

Hearing him confirm his feelings for me, struck up a sudden boldness in me and since he did not want to talk about our situation, the least I could do was enjoy myself at his expensd. I hummed, 'And what about the women you visit at night, huh? Whenever you head into town, always clmkng back smelling of womens perfume? You sure im the only thing that gets you off?' I breathed, smirking, as he met my eyes with annoyance.

He grabbed my face with one hand, squishing my cheeks together as his grip on my hip tightened, forcing me to grind down even harder on him. 'That, we dont talk about.' He grunted, kissing me in an attempt to quiet me, feeling finished with the subject. But I was not.

I tore free from his lips, leaning my head into the crook of his neck, kissing that sweet spot and whispering against his skin 'Do you think about me when you fuck them? Couldnt get with your friends daughter so you had to seek out other women, and pretend they were me?' I chuckled, surprised by my own audacity.

He removed the blanket frlm my shoulder, and splayed it out on the ground behind me, then grabbed my throat. He pushed me backward, one hand still supporting my back as he laid me on the ground and leaned over me, 'Does it make you jealous?' He asked and spead my legs, placing himself inbetween them, 'That I sleep with other women, then come home and smell of them?' My smile faded and I rolled my eyes, looking away, refusing to admit that he was right, 'Do you not wish it was you I smelled of instead?' He whispered against my ear and sat back. He flipped my skirt over my hips, making us both gasp. I had not put on any new underwear since he initially ripped them off, which I had completley forgotten about, this was news to the both of us. 'Tsk tsk tsk' he shook his head, pulling his pants down and his erection out. He lined himself up with my entrance and grabbed my hips.

'Doll.' He called, grabbing my attention and I reluctantly met his eyes, prepared for another snarky, probably true comment. But he only looked into my eyes, wordlessly asking for my consent, I nodded in response. My hand left his back, and caressed his cheek instead, loving that he still paid my wants mind although were in the middle of jealous fight sex.

He slid inside me gently, his breathing hitched and I moaned, a smile tugging at his lips from my reaction. Immedietly setting a rough pace, the noise of slapping skin filled the forest as the moon shone upon us. We didnt need to worry about people hearing us out here, 'Let me hear you doll.' He ordered, kissing my neck and sucking at my sweet spot. I moaned loudly, following his request, my hands roaming over his chest and back underneath his shirt. Nuzzling my face into his hair, 'Harder, faster. Please buck.' I whispered. He hummed, kissing his way down my torso and stumache, then sitting up. His hands moved back to my hips to get better leverage, and began thrusting ferociously, helping my hips meet his thrusts with his hands. 'Holy f-' I began, but my words died in my throat as a string of moans took their place.

'C'mon girl.' He urged, moving one hand to my clit, circling it with his thumb. Closing in on my orgasm.

'Yes, yes.' I hissed, the pressure building in me. His breathy moans in sync with his thrusts were pushing me over the edge, I came hard and fast, moaning loudly. Bucky continued, chasing his own high. He was not far behind me as he came himself, pulling out just in time for his seed to spurt onto my stumache. I laid splayed out on the forest floor while Bucky tucked himself away, he slid his thumb through the fluid on my stumache and held it out for me to taste. And I did,, enthusiastically I licked and sucking his thumb clean, 'Good girl.' He said proudly and pulled back, grabbing my chin and kissing me, still tasting a bit of himself.

He knelt beside me and scooped me up in his arms, 'We need to get you cleaned up before anyone wakes, sweet girl.' He said and stood up, kissing me on the forehead. He carried me back to house, half asleep in his arms. He quietly carried me upstairs, set me in the bath, filled it, cleaned me and gave me one of his shirts and shorts, then laid me back into my bed. He took the blanket, but I protested. 'I need to clean it for you.' He said.

I shook my head, 'No, please. It smells of you. Of us.'I whispered and pulled on it.

'Its dirty. . .' He insisted, but I stared him down, my grip on it proved unrelenting. He sighed, 'Fine, just let go for a sec.' He asked, and I did. He threw the bottom half through the window and shook it off, then covered me with it. The cool fabric kissed my skin, prickling it with goosebumps.

'Thank you.' I smiled.

'Try to get some proper sleep.' He whispered.

'I wont be able to if you leave.' I told him quietly, and he tilted his head to the side, looking at me with sympathetic eyes. He hesitated for a second, but laid down beside me, letting me curl up to him as he laid an arm around me. And we stayed just like that, frozen in time until I had fallen asleep and he moved back into his own room.

When I eventually woke up again, I stayed in bed for a while, wallowing, tracing the empty dent beside me, feeling its cool. I mustve slept alone for a few hours at least. The morning sun was colouring my room in soft shades of gold, warming my back as I laid faced away from the window. Giving me enough strength to start my day.

I wandered into the garden and watched the sunrays find their way through the swaying leaves of the willow tree as I laid down in the grass underneath, cherishing the sunlight as it speckled my skin with warmth, varying with the cool of the shade. The house had yet to wake up, and I suspected my family of being dangerously hungover. Sighing, I closed my eyes and my mind drifted back to bucky. His touch still fresh on my skin as I imagined the warmth from the sun as his hands, caressing my body. His soft words whispered in my ear as a love song from the 80s started playing in the kitchen, my mother was awake. My thoughts switched, the cool of the shade began reminding me of his abscene, of our strange situation and the sweetness of reminiscence quickly soured into guilt. My mothers prescence was reminding me of our betrayal, it gnawed at every positive thought I had. The guilt of our actions, the feeling that we'd made a mistake by betraying my parents trust in this way. Surely we couldnt go on, it would be immoral for either of us to do so. Yet, my biggest concern was Bucky reciprocating those feelings.

'Good morning honey.' My mother greeted me as she entered the garden and I opened my eyes.

Dazed I responded, 'Morning mom.' And stood up to help her set down plates of food for breakfast, 'Wheres the rest of the house?' I asked, following her back inte the kitchen.

'On their way, dads just brushing his teeth and your brothers somewhere around here' Sha said, handing me watermelon slices and the radio. I hummed, avoiding the abvious question. As we set down the last of the food, we took our places at the table. My father and brother joining us a few moments later, looking rather rough and we dug in.

'So, everyone ready for a day at the beach?' My father asked with a bright, sarcastic smile as the bags under his eyes gave him away. My brother and I wooped ironically, making my mother laugh. Everyone was still reeling from the aftermath of the alcohol. 'How about we continue drinking instead?' He asked again, and my mother eyed him unapreciatively. But this time we wooped enthusiastically. 'I thought we could spend the day in town, get dinner, then move to a bar.' He suggested, which actually sounded appealing.

'Sounds like a plan.' Came a voice from the doorway, Bucky. 'Good morning, party people.' He said cheapishly and we responded with tired chuckles, greeting him. He sat down at the table, doing his and my brothers silly handshake, as their bromance comamanded them to.

Conversations were stuck up, my parents were deep in discussion about buying new clothes for my father, and they roped me in for my opinions on the matter. My brother and Bucky were talking about something else, 'Sleep well?' He asked Bucky, suddenly grabbing my attention. I looked at him and our eyes met, exchaning glances and knowing smiles.

'Never slept better.' He asnwered, facing away, grinning into his food and I chuckled silently.

'Yeah, whats so funny?' My brother asked, glancing between the two of us.

'Nothing, just. . . A joke I remembered.' Bucky managed, smiling, I continued with my own conversation as my sweet, oblivious brother wanted to hear the joke aswell and Bucky had to bullshit answers.

When breakfast was done, we got ready to head into town, then gathering outside by the front of the house. 'Car or bikes?' Asked my father, 'Someones gonna have to abstain from drinking if we take the car.' He said apologeticly.

'How about-' I began.

'Well-' my brother also cut in, about to suggest something, but dad interuppted the both of us.

'Oor, how about this?' he said, raising a finger in the air, 'We take the car into town, and walk home.' He clapped his hands together, as if it was the most genuis thing, 'Fantastic idea guys.' He said, laying an arm around each of us, smiling proudly.

I met ny brithers eyes and shook my head, we laughed, 'Sure, sounds great dad.' I answered to appease him.

'Theres only 4 seats in the car.' Bucky pointed out, making dads smile fall and let go of us.

He put a finger to his mouth, deep in thought and spoke 'Someones gonna have to share, your mother and I are upfront. We'll leave this to the three of you.' He said, laying an arm around my mothers shoulder as she put her hand on his chest, nodding approvingly.

Raising my brows, I looked at the other two. They were as surprised as me, but we huddled together, discussing our plans. 'Whats up with dad?' I asked and my brother cut in.

'This much drinking and breaking safety rules?' He pointed out, sounding stunned.

'He gets like this sometimes, hes excited. Leave him be.' Bucky defended him, my brother raised his hands, backing off from the subject. The three of us exchanged glances, I already knew who I wanted to share with, but I couldnt just say it. Buckys gaze lingered on mine, he was thinking the same thing.

'Well?' I looked at them expectantly, 'Im sorry to say but, the idea of sitting in your lap, brother.' I said, overly pronouncating the last word, 'Isnt very appealing.'

'Yeah? Im not thrilled about the prospect of either of you, sister or mr muscle man over here. You must weigh a ton dude.' He gestured towards Bucky, who rolled his eyes.

'Why dont you sit in Bucks lap then?' I teased, to which Bucky huffed.

My brother mimicked my expression and mocked my words, 'Why dont you sit- bla bla bla, you sit in his lap then.' He said annoyed, my stumache tickled, the butterflies were waking up.

'I- whatever, im tired of this.' I told him, feigning irritation because the decision was taking to long.

Bucky clapped his hands together, 'Its decided, youre sitting with me doll, I dont see another outcome.' He said, sounding impatient but acting nonchalant.

'Sure. Its all the same to me.' I said, boredom lining my voice and shrugged, all the while the butterflies in my stumache were waltzing.

We degrouped and rejoined my parents, 'Im sitting with Buck.' I declared.

'Fantastic! He'd act as the strongest belt anyway, keep her safe.' My father said, elbowing Bucky in the side, to which he nodded. A pang of guilt hit me, dad has so much trust in Bucky. I met his eyes, my eyebrows furrowing. He tilted his head, sharing my feelings. I had to look away.

'Really, C'mon, dad.' My brother raised his hands in the air, attacked from nowhere.

'Sorry son, youre not, not strong.' Dad said, as it was any better and opened the car door for mom, then took his place by the stearing wheel. My brother sighed, defeated and took his own seat. Bucky opened the door, sat down and patted his thigh, nodding his head for me to sit. I inhaled a shaky breath and sat in his lap, he snaked his arms around my waist and held me tightly in place.

The car ride wasnt to long, and it was relatively uneventful. We were talking about nothing special, when Bucky, from nowhere grabbed my thigh. He unhooked the arm closest to the door from my waisr and laid his hand on the outside of my thigh, as invisible as it could come. He slid it up toward the hem of my skirt and massaged circles with his thumb. He grabbed the hem, snaking his fingers under it, grabbing the fabric and pulling upward to reveal more skin. I clutched his wrist in warning, and he pecked my shoulder in apology. I looked around the car, making sure everyone was minding their own business. They were talking, and we were answering questions and asking them in return, all the while bucky was stroking my thigh, a strange feeling. Unexpectedly, there was a bump in the road, I wouldve gone airborn if Bucky hadnt pulled me tighter against him. But in the same motion, I accidentaly grinded against his lap. And he grunted at the feeling, playing it off as a cough. 'Everything alright back there?' Mom asked.

Dad hissed, 'Sorry you guys, didnt see that bump!' Dad apologised.

'We're-' I began, feeling Bucky getting hard beneath me, 'Im- im fine, it wasnt to bad!' I assured him. I was getting flashbacks to the forest, Bucky hard beneath me, grinding against erection. Us kissing, him touching my body. I grabbed his wrist harder from the memories, clearing my throat. Bucky squeezed my thigh, then moved his hand to my waist, hooking his finger through a belt loop on my skirt and left it there for what remained of the ride. By the time we arrived, Buckys hard on had disappeared.

We were crusing the streets, checking out interesting shops and getting clothes for dad. Passing time and enjoying eachothers company. We got dinner and sat outside as we cought the last rays of the efternoon sun, laughing and chatting, sipping more wine. It made me think of the time before Bucky and I had anything to hide, when there were no overhanging secrecy to our dynamic. When we could talk and hang out with no hidden meaning behind our words or glances. When we didnt have to second guess my familys knowledge of our actions. It brought me into a somber mood, and Bucky being unwilling to discuss us was not helping. I wish I could push the guilt aside like he seems to, and just enjoy the happy parts of our conjoining instead. But at the end of the day, their my family. Their expectations were not weighing him down the same way they did me. My fathers voice brought me out of my thoughts, or rather the subject of his words did.

'You gonna have any women meet us at the bar Buck?' He asked him, it was a serious question but he laughed as he asked it. Knowing it was something Bucky rather kept to himself.

Buck chuckled in annoyance, 'Always as funny.' A strained smile forming on his lips. This, I was not in the mood for. I took my wine glass, hastily drinking it.

'Whats your plan, have anyone you wanna settle down with?' My mother asked him innocently, obviously unaware of my feelings regarding the matter. Bucky glanced around nervously, clearly embaressed by the grilling. His eyes met mine for a second, looking apologetic. Which only annoyed me more, I poured myself another glass of wine and finished it within minutes. My drinking was alarming him as he shut the questions down with a bunch of, 'Im not sure.' And 'We'll see.' Trying to be kind although it was bothering him.

'Lay off him.' My brother spoke, 'Youre like hawks, damn.' And Bucky gave him a grateful nod in return.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, pushing a smile 'Should we get going?' I asked, eager to leave their conversation behind me.

My father immedietly waved a waiter down, 'Great idea!' The waiter was a cute guy around my age, and with my annoyance at Bucky, concerning us, concerning his women, it resparked the jelousy in my already bad mood. So I flirted with the guy, and gave him my number as he left.

My mother had been eyeing him aswell, 'He was cute.' She whispered to me.

'Right?' I nodded, smiling.

'Im sitting right here.' Dad objected, crossing his arms and pouting. Mom stroked his shoulder apologeticly.

'Yeah, so cute.' My brother cut in sarcastically, and I slapped him playfully on the arm, rolling my eyes.

Bucky sat in silence, pinning me with his gaze and trying his very best to hide the irritation that was bubblig up inside him. Which only made me smile brighter, I had found a way to lighten my mood, and simultaneously found my entertainment for the night. It wasnt really his fault, I shouldnt be taking my frustration out on him. But I was in a devilish mood.

As we found our way to the bar, my brother and dad took the lead in drinking, I was hanging back a little bit. The mjsic was blaring through the speakers, 'Seen anyone of interest?' Dad half-shouted at Bucky.

He looked at me and smirked, 'As a matter of fact I have.' Bucky said and stood up from the bar, walking toward me. My eyes widened, I was horrified. He wasnt gonna expose us, was he? But turns out, I was worried for naught. Because he walked right past me to the woman sitting behind me, and immedietly began flirting with her. I had to clench my jaw to stop it from falling to the floor, anger sizzled inside me as I looked at them. I met his eyes for a second and he winked at me, oh game on.

I stomped onto the dance floor, found the first good looking guy I saw and laid my arms around his neck. 'Well hello cutie.' He shouted over the music.

'Hey there stranger, wanna dance?' I asked loudly, and he nodded enthusiastically. We locked hands as we danced together, he twirled me in circles, stopped me, put his hands on my waist and pulled me close to him, my back against his chest as I swayed my hips to the music and he followed my movements. His hands were sliding up my thighs as I threw a glance Buckys way, who was staring at me, I could see him clenching his fist from here. He turned back to the woman, his furious expression melting into charm as he stroked a strand of hair behind her ear, she laid a hand on his knee in return. I cursed him silently, I had to one up him. 'Twirl me.' I told the guy and he did, then pullled me close again, hands found their way back to my waist, but we were chest to chest this time. I traced a finger along his jaw as we danced, I leaned closer to his ear and asked 'Kiss me?' and he obliged, not even taking a second to think about it, his lips met mine. When I looked back to where Bucky was sitting, he quickly averted his gaze from mine. Said something to the woman, to which she grabbed his hand and led him toward the exit. I began panicking, surely he wouldnt sleep with her? 'Could you excuse me for a second, I'll be right back.' I said in a hurried tone and made my way to the exit. I passed my family, who were caught up in a lively discussion, with several empty shotglasses infront of them. They wouldnt notice that I was missing for a while. I opened the door and stepped outside, he stood leaned against the railing enclosing the outdoor seating are, watching me as I approached him. The sound of the music druzzled iut into the air as the door shut behind me, only the thumping could be heard through the exterior. He was smoking, and the woman was nowhere to be seen. I breathed out a sigh of relief as a weight dissapeared from my heart. 'I thought you went home with her.' I said and leaned against the railing next to him, holding onto it.

He chuckled in disbelief, shaking his head 'Would that have been taking it to far?' He asked and took a drag of his cigarette.

I looked at him with furrowed brows and wet eyes, tears welling in them. 'What are we doing Buck?' I asked sniffing, 'To ourselves, to eachother, to my family.'

He looked at me, anger melting away from him as he saw my face, 'I care about you, and you care about me. Why should anything else matter?' He asked, sighing.

'Because, you do not care for me the way youre expected to, or I you. My feelings for you pass far beyond what they should be for the best friend of my dad.' I whispered, he took another drag and laid his hand on top of mine, stroking circles with his thumb. I looked down at our hands, noting the difference in size and age, 'I just- I wish you could hold me right now, but its not possible. We will never be able to have a normal relationship.' I said, my voice breaking as tears start falling down my cheeks.

'Doll, please.' He began with sadness in his tone. But I couldnt take it any longer, I pulled my hand away and ran, ran down the street, ran until the music had completley faded. My blood rushed through my ears, I could hear nothing but my own heartbeat. And for the second time today, he caught me. He circled his arms around me and pulled me into the nearest empty alleyway. 'You need to stop running from me, doll.' He panted against my ear, backing me up against a cold stone wall. 'Listen to me, please.' He grabbed my face, turning me to look at him but I closed my eyes and shook my head, I just couldnt deal with it right now, with him. 'Please, please. . . Doll.' He whispered in desperation, something in his voice compelled me, reluctantly, I opened my eyes. 'Youre everything to me, we'll get through this. I dont know when and I dont know how, but we will.' He said and cupped my face, stroking tears from my cheeks. I wanted to belive him so desperately, I leaned my head against the wall, looking up at the light from a streetlamp. 'I promise.' He whispered and kissed my collarbone, kissing his way up my neck and along my jaw. I tilted my head down to face him, hovering my lips over his, 'I promise.' He repeated, his breath humid on my lips and I met them in a feverish kiss. I would have him anyway I could.

'Your mine, Buck. Im yours, take me.' I breathed between kisses, he slid his hands down my body, down my thighs and under my skirt, finding purchase under my ass and in one smooth motion raised me into his arms. I circled my legs around his hips as he leaned me against the wall, his hands free to unbuckle his belt. I kissed him wildly, desperately, I just needed him. As his belt was unbuckled his hands returned to my waist and the small of my back, I put my hands down his pants and stroked him, earning myself a grunt from him. I pulled him out, pulled my panties to the side and lined him up with my entrance, impatient for the feeling of him filling me up. 'Please Bucky, just yours.' I whispered, and he didnt hesitate, lowering me onto his length as he slid inside. Setting a hard pace as he helped my hips rut against his every thrust. I snaked my arms around his shoulders, holding onto his neck and hair for support as a scream almost slipped out of me, but I let my head fall against his shoulder and bit down in his flesh, skin and fabric muffling my scream. He hissed at the sensation, but didnt mind all that much. The sound of rough slapping echoed through the alley, making me realise how dangerous this was. Someone could walk by any moment, 'Faster Buck.' I ordered and his pace hastened. Pressure was building inside me, I was close to coming. Buckys relentless thrusting was pushing me over the edge, quickly I came in a blind, white hot surge of pleasure. Moaning against his skin as he kissed my neck, his pace becoming irregular and came himself shortly after me.

All of a sudden I heard footsteps passing by the alley, Bucky and I froze as we simultaneously looked the other way, hiding our faces. There was a whispered 'Holy shit.' And laughing from the street as they ran away. We sighed in relief and he set me down on shaky legs, he tucked himself away and simultaneously we began laughing. Uncontrollaby, the strangeness of this whole situation had us giggling like school girls, all the while I could feel him dripping out of me.

As we caught our breath, he hugged me 'We need to be more careful doll.'

I leaned back and side-eyed him, 'You dont say?'

He grabbed my chin and kissed me 'Dont give me attitude right now.' He whispered against my lips and circled an arm around my waist for support. Silently and slowly we made our way back to the bar, ready to end the night.

When we arrived, my family was emerging from the bar and waved when they saw us. 'I was wondering where you'd gone off to!' Dad exclaimed.

'Someone wanted to go for a walk' Bucky said, nodding to me, 'And seeing as she couldn't walk straight I figured it'd be best if I accompanied her.' He chuckled.

'What a gentleman, looking after our girl.' Mom said, adoration in her gaze as she looked at Bucky. I chuckled, straining to repress a second outburst of laughter and Bucky poked me in the ribs in silent warning.

'Good man!' Dad said and punched Bucky playfully on the shoulder, 'But we should really get going if we want to arrive home before the sun comes up.'

'And whos fault is that?' I asked, daring fate.

Dad quirked an eyebrow at my remark and ruffled my hair. 'Lets go kiddo.' He laid an arm around me, taking Buckys place and we were homebound.

I threw a glance his way as Bucky fell into pace next to my brother, who was chatting naerrily with him. Bucky nodded, mouthing 'Its okay doll.'

Accepting that this was our reality.

Tags: @larajadeschmidt13 @cjand10

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky #bucky smut #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky angst #bucky fluff

[jungkwok]

desperation | jeon jungkook oneshot

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pairing: jungkook x reader tags: smut, porn without plot, husband!jungkook word count: 463 words

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Hours upon hours of scrolling had tired me out. Whether it was the aimless musings of influencers, or slow motion shots of satisfying phenomena- nothing seemed to entertain me, and I found myself looking for my next microdose of dopamine with my left hand, instead of my right. 

The bed laid cold, empty and silent- leaving no sign of the night of warmth and passion it had once endured a few nights ago. And yet that night, him– seemed a million years away. 

I was hungry, and the only person that could satiate my appetite was not here. I whimpered, as if calling my mate, asking, begging– for him to hear my cries and come running to me, ready to begin the ritual once again. Some invisible thread was tugged, and my hand slid, then snuggled gently on my mossy opening. A cub, waiting for its mother’s milk. 

Waiting, to be fed. 

And so I obliged. Plunging my fingers into my richness, I clenched– wanting them to be completely soaked, desperate for some loose imitation of just how wet his cock was. 

‘Jungkook,’ I moaned, this time shamelessly, into the abyss. ‘Egh, my Jungkook~’, my calls perfectly accompanying the soft thrusts of flesh against flesh and the golden squirts of my champagne confetti. 

Perhaps I was a self-sabotaging siren, too hypnotised by my own song to notice the gentle, then firm steps towards our room. The door creaks open, and it is only when I hear a sigh– of disappointment? Of admiration? That I finally opened my eyes. 

‘My love,’ he began, a natural melody in his voice. He seemed calm, and yet a paradox was emerging before my eyes– for his quickening breath and raised crotch suggested otherwise. I removed my hand, for there was another guest that now needs a warm welcome. 

‘Please’, I whispered– my voice holds the same melody as his, yet laced with unbridled desire. 

He stirred, and for a moment time stopped just for us– Jungkook and his mate, bound by soul, and about to be bound by flesh once again. 

And then he was onto me– wearing nothing but the glint in his eyes and the tug on his smile. Slowly, he pressed his hardness against mine, gently rubbing and coating himself with my juices.

I could bear it no longer. With a quick thrust of my hips, he was within. Nothing laid naked in the heavy air, for even our bushes were intertwined. A soft, rich moan escaped him, and I suddenly sought for him to be even closer. Our moss warmly rubbed against each other with tender love. 

We cum, in perfect harmony– and our juices watered each others’ forests, that even the forest nymphs would weep at the sight of such a monsoon.

#bts #smut without plot #jjk x y/n #bts smut #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts oneshot #bts drabble #bts jungkook #jungkook #jack harlow

[jisungsdaydreamer]

Love Playlist #2: UGH! (Bang Chan)

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «TALK TO ME» 

"Shut the fuck up."

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem!reader Genre: college au, angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, forced proximity Warnings: swearing, mc has autism, misogynistic behavior (not Bang Chan), implications of ableism, bullying, short panic attack description Word Count: 11k

P.S. ♡ If you like my work, please consider giving me feedback in the form of reblogs, comments, and asks! ♡

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that you hate Christopher Bang’s guts. Everything about him, you hate. The utter laziness that he masks as nonchalance? The “happy-go-lucky” attitude that borders on bullheaded recklessness? The way every single time you text him about something important, he never replies? You hate it all. He’s irresponsible, aimless, completely unreliable, and you hate him.

Chris believes that the whole world revolves around him, and unfortunately, he would be correct. With dimples that rival Harry Styles’s and saccharinity biologically embedded in him, his good looks and charismatic personality blind everyone to the truth. Everyone except for you, of course.

Even if all of the supreme powers in the universe held you over an eternal chasm and forced you to find compromise, you still wouldn’t be able to stop hating him. And you hate heights— almost as much as him— so that’s saying something. Your hatred for him will never, ever waver. You hate Chris Bang, period. And you hate him even more now, as he stands next to you and accepts an honor that should solely be yours.

“Congratulations, Chris and Y/N!” 

You keep clapping and plaster on a fake smile to save face, trying to ignore the rage bubbling inside of you. In your peripheral vision, you sense Christopher laughing and shooting finger guns towards people in the audience, like some kind of corrupt politician. In a way, he is one, because you should have won this election. But you didn’t.

“In all of our history, never has there been an exact voting tie between two candidates.” The sickeningly cheerful announcer bounds closer to where you are standing on the stage, gesturing towards you both. “Everyone, please give another round of applause for our new Student Co-Presidents!”

Hearing it officially made you feel nauseated. For the three years you’ve been a college student, you have worked tirelessly, day and night, so this moment could come to fruition. All of those days filled with nonsense— schmoozing to all of the seniors in the Undergraduate Student Council, attending the endless number of tedious mixers to make connections, standing in the rain trying to raise funds for the organization— were going to be worth it, because in the end, you had one goal: to be student body president. 

But your dreams were dashed to the ground when he strolled in like a supermodel. While you were toiling since you were a freshman, Chris showed up at the final student council meeting at the end of last year, expressing his intentions to run for president in the following academic semester after the summer. Chris’s charm threw off the projectile of the election, compared to how although you carry yourself very well professionally, you still are very socially uncapable. Making engaging small talk about the weather or joking about frat parties on campus are unthinkable tasks for you, while that kind of conversation is exactly Chris’s forte. 

You know that you’re lucky that you at least get part of the title, because while on paper you are more qualified than Chris, the game was never in your favor. And seeing it all happen by the cursed will of the one person you’ve despised more than anyone else, since you were a kid, makes it hurt more than anything.

“Great job, partner.” 

You’re snapped out of your disturbed musings by the aforementioned person, who beams and stretches out his hand towards you. You’re wary of the gesture, but accept it anyway, making sure to squeeze his hand extra hard. 

“Same to you, Christopher,” you retort, adding an unmistakable bite to your words.

The smile doesn’t fade off of his face as he coolly shakes his aching hand off from your death grip. “I go by Chris, you know that.”

You nearly snort, but refrain from it, because people are watching. You do not need any negative publicity right now, especially next to your co-counsel who seems to do no wrong. But that won’t stop you from being discreetly petty. “Okay, Christopher.”

You hate Chris, and he knows it. But his elated expression doesn’t budge as he merely moves away from you to spark conversation with the announcer, who looks at Chris with literal hearts in her eyes. One more thing you hate: no matter how much you try to rile him up like he does to you, he never gives you a reaction. That satisfaction solely belongs to him. 

Rolling your eyes, you shove past him as gracefully as you can, eliciting a surprised grunt out of him. As Chris rubs his side behind you, you turn to the students coming closer to congratulate you, the smile on your face very much genuine now.

“He left me on read! AGAIN. Can you believe the audacity?” 

The smoky, herbaceous scent of freshly brewed coffee and sugary fragrance of baking breakfast pastries does nothing to soothe your anger. Your unadulterated complaints ricochet off of the walls of Morningstar Coffee House, your go-to place when you need to feign study in order to hang out with your best friend, a devoted employee-in-training at the place. 

Soobin groans, dumping out the latest batch of long macchiato into the sink. “I keep messing it up.”

“Are you even listening, Soobin?” You lean against the counter that he’s behind, wiping up the small drops of milk that escaped the carton in his hasty panic to master the art of being a barista. 

“Yes, yes, I am, sorry. Please continue.” Soobin sets aside his blender and folds his hands on the granite, looking at you earnestly. 

You pick at the chipped dark purple polish on your nails. “I can work with him. I can. Because I’m a professional. But he makes it so hard when I’m trying to communicate with him.”

Soobin shrugs. “Maybe he’s just not using his phone right now.”

With a frustrated sigh, you shake your head. If only everyone could be as sweet and guileless as Soobin. He always sees the best in people, and while you’re not a pessimist, it’s hard for you to find the good in Chris’s character. 

“It’s not just the text thing, even though I really do need him to tell me if he’s finished the nominations for the ethics board. It’s like, he doesn’t give a crap about anything, especially when it comes from me.” 

Soobin nods slowly, wrinkling his nose in thought. “I know he’s difficult. But just keep rising above. Getting upset hurts you, not him.”

As always, Soobin remains the voice of reason behind your storms, your eternal complement. When you need to cry your emotions out, he welcomes you with open arms. When he’s too shy to ask for the dessert menu at restaurants, you will signal for the waiter. When you make your displeasure apparent, he induces a degree of rationality into your vexed mind. That said, fundamentally, both of you are introverts. At the end of the day, you love nothing more than to curl up on the couch and watch knitting tutorials on Youtube with Soobin. Opposites or not, you fit each other like a glove. 

“I love you, cucumber,” you say, affectionately poking fun at your best friend’s towering height. 

Soobin’s cheeks turn light pink, and he swats your hands away. “You’re weird.”

You tip your head back and laugh, while Soobin grins and resumes his duties in trying to figure out how to work the cash register. You can feel the worries already lifting in your chest, because who cares about Chris, anyway? Certainly not you. 

But as if you had spoken of the devil, you hear the jingle of the shopkeeper’s doorbell, followed by that familiar boisterous guffaw. The sound makes you whirl around, the tension soaring back into your shoulders. And there he is, sauntering into the café with his trusty entourage trailing. 

Your narrowed eyes meet Chris’s, and he pauses in the middle of whatever obnoxious joke he must have been sharing. For a brief moment, a telepathic duel sparks between you both, a challenge to see which one of you will be the first to crack. You win, when he breaks eye contact to go and find a seat with his friends in the lounge area. But once more, it doesn’t feel that way, because while he’s resumed his own activities, you’re still thinking about him. So much for rising above. Damn it. 

“Soobin, you need to scan your employee ID first or else sales won’t be attributed to you. We already went over this.”

The voice of Seungmin, the son of Morningstar’s owners and your fellow university student, halts your deliberations and thankfully pulls your thoughts away from Chris. Seungmin is inside from his break and stands there besides Soobin, scolding him for making another mistake in his practice transaction before the evening rush. 

“Right! Sorry about that.” Soobin shakes his head and exhales, grabbing a towel to wipe his sweaty hands.

“You’ll be fine. Just keep at it.” Seungmin softens, patting Soobin on the back before making his way over to where Chris is sitting. Because of course, Chris is friends with every single person in existence.

Another person enters the building, prompting the telltale ring to go off. Soobin’s perpetual flush morphs into a crimson, and you immediately turn to see which newcomer has got your best friend so hot and bothered. You’re met by the sight of a very pretty girl who you recognize, but whose name escapes you. However, you know the boy she has walked into the coffee house with— her best friend, Han Jisung, who is unsurprisingly another member of Chris’s glorified posse. 

“You have got to be kidding me.” You raise your eyebrow at Soobin, who is still watching the girl with a lovelorn look in his eyes.

“What?”

“You can’t like her. She and Jisung have a thing.”

“They’re just friends,” Soobin says, frowning, but you can see the contradicting doubt written across his face. “Maybe I’ll talk to Seungmin and see what’s up.”

You take his hand and resign, because other times, both of you have to learn your lessons on your own. “You’ll make someone’s heart beat as fast as they do your own. Whether it’s her or not.”

Soobin swallows, fully directing his attention back to you. “The same to you as well. ”

You let out a playful snort, thinking of your one short-lived romance from freshman year. You haven’t dated since, deciding to set relationships aside so you can focus better on your studies. You cannot take the chance of losing precious time, time that can only be allotted to your favorite person, work, and nothing else. Besides, you’ve never been very good at flirting— let alone finding friends— anyway. 

“But I think Chris raises your pulse rate enough, so maybe you’ve got your plate full for now.”

“Don’t start,” you warn, the annoyance picking up again. Soobin sends you a cheeky smile, before he attends to his peckish customers. 

You take the opportunity to make your way back to your table in the front of the cafe, your favorite little spot that overlooks the lush campus lawn, and then past the historic buildings of your university, the faint city skyline. The trees have begun happily shedding their leaves like multicolored tears that dot the outdoor expanse, embracing Autumn like a long-lost lover. Today is gorgeous, a day that should feel like a blessing, and yet, you feel blue.

The reason for your melancholy approaches your carefully curated bubble and pops it, sitting down at the table, uninvited. 

“Hey, I didn’t see you at the election after-party the other day.”

Chris’s voice is calm, so you merely clench your jaw and keep from saying anything too unintelligible. “Hey, you read my text and didn’t reply today.”

He doesn’t let the sheepishness cross his features, but has the decency for it to manifest in a light red at the tips of his ears. “I was going to, sorry. I’ve been busy.”

You just can’t help the venom that laces your next words. “You always are.”

Chris shakes his head, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t get why you always have a problem with me.”

You allow yourself a sharp intake of breath before divulging your current frustrations with him. “I really, really need you to answer me when I ask you something. We represent all of the students in our college. We can’t afford to mess this up.”

Chris rolls his eyes at your words, which makes you even more irritated. “I know.”

“Great. Then we have nothing else to discuss.” You slip your laptop back into your carrier and zip up your backpack, grabbing your phone and pushing your chair in. You don’t spare Chris a glance as you walk towards the door. 

“Why can’t we just be friends like before?”

You tense at Chris calling out, but don’t look back to face him. “You should know the answer to that.”

“I really don’t.”

With a scoff, you leave him hanging, pushing open the door and finding somewhere you can actually study without distraction.

It’s only the second day of fourth grade and you already feel so out of place. You moved here  over a month and a half ago, in the middle of summer, so you had a lot of time to get used to the town and explore your new home. You enjoyed biking around the neighborhood cul-de-sac all day and discovered a clearing in the woods behind your house, immediately claiming it as your personal hideout. After your parents hosted some of your neighbors’ families for dinner, you even established friendly relations with Soobin, the impossibly shy son of the couple next door. 

But your expeditions in school haven’t been as successful. As soon as you stepped into the classroom, it seemed like everyone already had their own friend groups, less than willing to take on a newbie like you. Because all of the seemingly “cool” kids have claimed all of the seats in the back, you sit up front, the desk next to you empty. And although Soobin also attends the same school, he’s in a different homeroom than you, so your in-school interactions are limited to hallway waves and nothing else. To top it all off, your teacher is already talking about long division. What in the world is that?

“Would you like a pudding?”

You turn around to pinpoint the hushed voice that has interrupted the independent classwork time that your teacher allotted. The owner sits right behind you, this kid with dimples and mischievous eyes. You can’t recall his name from when your teacher took attendance in the morning, but you remember him singing a little rhyme to his friends during lunch yesterday. It was cheesy.

The boy holds out a small cup of what looks like Jell-O snack pudding towards you. You accept it, slightly confused at the random gesture. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” He folds his hands on his desk, math practice discarded to the side. “You looked hungry.”

He’s watching you intently, waiting for you to eat the pudding. With a sigh, you open and try it, because you are kind of hungry. As soon as your lips gingerly close around the tiny spoon, you grin, because it’s chocolate— your favorite.

“I’m Y/N.”

“Chris,” he replies, obviously delighted by your reaction to the pudding. “Are you new?”

You smile, relieved to finally see a friendly face in your class. “Yeah, I am. Thanks for the pudding.”

“I don’t go anywhere without my trusty pudding cups.”

You don’t say anything, just quietly observing him while savoring the pudding. Chris is a little weird, and maybe too friendly. You're usually careful about this kind of socialization, but he doesn’t seem like a bad person. Chris takes your silence as an opportunity to keep chattering away.

“I notice you sit alone at lunch. You should eat with my friends and me today!” Chris exclaims, earning him a look from your teacher, but he doesn’t notice.

You pretend to contemplate his offer, although you’re secretly elated at the invitation. “Maybe if there’s more pudding.”

“Deal.”

“It looks like the faculty advising problem is sorted. Anything else?” 

The Dean of the college closes his laptop and pushes the pair of glasses perched on his nose for the hundredth time in the past hour. The lenses are huge, magnifying his eyes and making them look bugged-out, adding a comical element to his otherwise stony face.

“I was thinking—” You start, taking out your notepad, but the Dean cuts you off, looking at Chris.

“Chris, did you have anything you wanted to say?” 

Your cheeks as you avert your gaze shamefully, and all of the other students in the conference room awkwardly stare down at the table. The Dean doesn’t seem to notice your discomfort, however, just intently staring at Chris. For the entire board meeting, you actively participated and made your voice heard, while taking into account others’ concerns and viewpoints. 

Meanwhile, Chris had done nothing but squint at the papers in front of him and pretend he knew what was happening. But you’ve always been underestimated just because you’re a woman, and the fact that you’re the only female student body president in the entire history of your university doesn’t help. Of course the Dean would value Chris’s thoughts more. Anyone would. 

“Actually, Y/N was saying something. We should let her finish,” Chris replies firmly, shocking you. You thought Chris would just take the opportunity to shine for himself, not hand it to you.

The Dean looks taken aback as well, but he nods slowly. “Very well then.” 

Everyone’s attention snaps to you, but you quickly recover and recollect yourself, turning on the professionalism you reserved for moments like this. “Yes. Thank you.”

You open your computer and quickly login, plugging it into the projector so everyone can view your screen. You had already pulled up your presentation and graphics, ready to present your idea. 

“What is all of this, Miss Y/L/N?”

You take a deep breath. “A prevailing issue that has come to the board’s attention is the food insecurity on campus. To solve this issue, I propose the University Food Pantry, to relieve hunger through the acquisition and distribution of food to those students who most need it. We need to lead our campus community in the fight against hunger.”

The rest of your audience looks intrigued, but the Dean doesn’t seem convinced. “And how does this concern me? I oversee educational affairs at the college, not what’s cooking for dinner.”

“Our university is, above everything else, a community. The difficulty of higher education is further compounded when hunger is a constant presence.” You try your best to keep your suave composure, ignoring the smug condescension in the Dean’s voice. “As a result, the Food Pantry will envision a campus in which every student, regardless of their socioeconomic status, has sufficient access to nutritious food. No one should have to make financial and dietary decisions in pursuit of a good education.”

“It all sounds expensive. Where would you even get the money from?”

You know that the Dean expects you to be thrown off by his question, but you’re ready. You switch through the slides of your presentation, showcasing the several charts and graphs you stayed up all night drawing. “The Dean’s Assistance Fund, through which the Pantry can provide flex allowances to undergrad recipients of Financial Aid.”

The Dean leans back in his chair, brooding silently while you wait for his answer with bated breath. But Chris speaks up instead.

“This is really good, Y/N,” Chris says, astonishing you even further. “The fund could finance other initiatives in collaboration with the pantry as well, like the university Meal Share app that my friend Jisung coded. He’s in the computer science department.”

“Thanks,” you say warily, still in disbelief that you have both his support and enthusiasm. The other students murmur in agreement, but it doesn’t feel real, getting along with Chris. 

Immediately, the Dean sits up, directing his gaze to match Chris’s. “A wonderful idea, Chris. We must talk further about this. Perhaps—”

It’s Chris’s turn to cut the Dean off. “It wasn’t my idea, it was Y/N’s, if you were listening to her at all, sir.”

The Dean looks embarrassed after being put into his place by the very student he was chatting up to, but you don’t give him time to say anything else, taking the chance to continue speaking. 

“Of course, we can’t be fully financed by the Dean’s fund, so I think the university board should put forth a collective effort to apply for the Park Grant, an international system that funds programs that address student reform.”

“You’ve put so much thought into this, Y/N,” Mina, one of the board members, says with a smile. 

You light up, forgetting the Dean’s less-than-enthused demeanor. “Thank you so much!”

The Dean sighs, staring up at the ceiling, but shrugs, inclining his head in reluctant approval. “The Park Grant deadline is in two days. You’ll have to write up the proposal and present it to the panel.”

You nod vigorously, already mentally adding it to your calendar. “Thank you sir, I know. I won’t disappoint you.”

The Dean points his pretentiously expensive fountain pen at Chris, directing your gaze to his. “But you’ll be presenting with Chris. You’ll oversee this endeavor together.”

Your soaring heart crashes, and you sit up in indignation, because of course there’s a catch. After undermining all of your efforts, the Dean would never trust you to do something like this on your own. And out of everyone, it has to be with Chris.

“Sir, I truly believe I can finish this on my own.” You can barely contain the anger quaking in your throat, but you give it one last attempt.

Chris glances at you and dips his head in accord. “I agree, sir. Y/N is perfectly capable. This is her project, after all.”

“Let’s not go near what our capabilities are. I am very well aware of what your abilities are.” The Dean’s words jab you in the chest one by one, making you wonder if he could go any lower. “You both are co-presidents. Do it together or don’t do it all.”

“Sir—”

“Please give me a chance—”

Both you and Chris are cut off by the Dean’s cold sneer. “That will be all.”

With the wave of his gnarled hands, the meeting is over, and the rest of the students exit as fast as they can to escape the tension, while you just sit there, staring at your black computer screen blankly. A moment later, you collect yourself, grab your belongings, cramming them into your arms, and run out of the room, trying not to cry all of your frustrations out, right then and there.

“Y/N, stop!” Chris calls out from behind you, and you groan inwardly. And of course he has to be there. You can’t even fall apart in peace.

“What do you want, Chris?” You sigh exasperatedly, turning to face him, even though all you really want to do is give him the finger and run back to your room.

The tension is palpable, and you see Chris’s concern. You don’t want it, though. You don’t want his concern, his sympathy, or his friendship. You just want to never see him again, but unfortunately, the universe will not let that happen. You should have accepted that when it put you through elementary, middle, and high school, and even college with him. 

“I’m sorry. I- I tried,” he says, running his fingers through his hair, combing through it before the soft, blond locks flop back into place on his forehead. He looks more beautiful than ever, the sorrow in his deep brown eyes and painted into the pout on his perfect lips. But God, you hate him.

You swallow, taking a step forward. Chris’s eyes widen in surprise, but he stays still as you proceed in an eerily calm voice. “Outside of work, don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. Don’t even think about me. I hate you, Chris, and I wish you never existed.”

For the first time, Chris is speechless, but you walk away, feeling anything but triumphant. You don’t want to see the hurt splayed across his face. And you don’t want Chris to see your own pain, the ugly root that digs deep into your heart and surges through your fingertips, the pain that has been there since the moment he took something from you. You hate Chris, and that will never, ever change.

“Come on, Soobin, tell me,” you whine, lightly kicking your legs at Soobin’s, where they hang over the edge of the treehouse you both built with your dads a few summers ago. The June weather is hot and sticky, and on days like this, you both like to climb up here and try to catch the faintest breeze that may come your way, ice creams in your hands and stories to trade on your lips.

Soobin coughs awkwardly. “Absolutely not, Y/N.” 

Tomorrow is the last day of middle school, and you’re determined to guess Soobin’s crush. You smirk at him, elbowing him in the side. Today, you suck on a blueberry popsicle, deliberating while trying not to let the dessert drip down your arms. 

“It’s the girl in your history class, isn’t it?”

“Nope.” Soobin side eyes you curiously, biting down on his own fudge ice cream cone. “Well, maybe I’ll tell you if you tell me yours.”

You blush, your mind immediately going to Chris, the boy you’ve liked since forever. Although you’re best friends with Soobin, Chris is also one of your good friends at school. And not to mention, the cutest boy in your entire school. 

Besides Soobin, Chris is also the only other person you’ve told about your autism. You were always shy and awkward growing up, and Chris pulled you out of that shell. 

It’s also why you get so nervous before tests. Since the time you nearly dropped your computer before a science quiz in fifth grade, Chris always brings you pudding before class assessments. You were scared to tell him at first, because you have been bullied in the past about it, but he had been nothing but kind and understanding. He’s never forgotten to bring you a pudding cup, and he specifically brings chocolate-flavored ones only, because you once told him you liked them. 

“You can’t tell anyone,” you swallow the last chunk of your popsicle, crunching down on the sugary ice. 

“I promise.” Soobin sits forward eagerly, his melting ice cream cone forgotten.

“It’s Chris,” you say dreamily, a lovesick smile playing upon your lips. 

Soobin burst out laughing, elbowing you in the side teasingly. “I knew it!” 

You and Soobin start arguing about who was more obvious about their respective crushes, but the thought of Chris stays lingering in your mind and clouding your thoughts. His devilishly handsome looks but angelic personality. The way he brings you those damn chocolate puddings, unaware of how you got sick of the flavor a long time ago but keep eating them anyway, just to see the beaming smile on his face. 

“Tomorrow,” you exclaim randomly, right after Soobin finishes telling you about all of the teachers he will miss over the summer, the perfect student he is.

“What’s tomorrow?”

“I’m going to tell Chris that I like him. Tomorrow,” you declare, trying to keep your voice strong and purposeful.

Soobin just stares at you with his jaw hanging open, because while you aren’t as soft-spoken as him, neither of you are particularly forward. Especially not in regard to your romantic lives. You both are the duo that watches your lost loves from afar, not confronting them up close. You’re surprised at your uncharacteristic behavior too, because you pledged to never give a teenage boy the satisfaction of knowing the power they have over you, especially not someone popular like Chris. But then again, Chris is different. You know it.

“Are you actually serious right now?” Soobin asks, still in shock. “Like, are you joking?”

“I’m serious, Soobin. I really like him.” You toy with your stained popsicle stick. “If he doesn’t feel the same, then I can just move on.”

“Wow.”

“I know.”

He reaches over and gently pats you on the back, as if to comfort your nerves. “He’d be really dumb to not like you.”

You groan and flop onto your back, looking up at the dusty ceiling of the treehouse. Both of you just stay quiet for a moment, as you observe the soft cobwebs in the corners and the sunlight pouring through the cracks in the wooden rafters. You’re really going to do this.

“I’m still hungry.”

Soobin holds out his half-finished cone, little droplets of ice cream dripping onto the wood. “You can have the rest of this.”

“Thanks, Soob.” You accept his ice cream and both of you continue to reminisce about the school year and plan out everything you probably will never do during the summer, because both of you are master procrastinators.

But one thing you can’t put off is your revelation to Chris, and it’s going to happen. Which is why you find yourself trying to ignore the impending feeling of dread as you walk through the school hallways. Classes are over for both the day and the entire academic year itself, and there’s no better time to confess to your crush on the last day of school. That way, if something goes wrong, you can take the summer to recuperate and wallow in your humiliation. 

You weave through the students excited to trade their homework assignments for sunny days at the beach, with only one thought in your mind. Chris, Chris, Chris. You saw him in math class in the morning, and he looked so cute in his new Hawaiian-print shorts while he signed your yearbook for you. Now, you try to find him in the crowd, before he leaves and you’ll be unable to see him for another three months.

As you search, you’re momentarily snapped out of your Chris-induced daze when you bump into Jessi Ho in the congested hall. Knowing your luck, of course you would crash into the loser who constantly picks on Soobin for being shy. 

“Watch it, dumbass.” Jessi crosses her arms and flips her hair over her shoulder. Jay, her wannabe sidekick, gets up in your face, threateningly flashing the tattoos he got without his parents knowing. Although they look like a classic pair of bullies straight out of Mean Girls, you’re more irritated than intimidated right now. 

“I don’t have time for this.” You try to move past the terrible twosome, but Jay grasps your forearm roughly and pulls you back. You wrench your arm free and look at him in both disgust and confusion. “What the hell?”

“I’ll get to the point.” Jessi smirks, bringing her finger up to her head and pointing to her temple. “We know you’re impaired. Up here.”

Your blood freezes over like a river of ice, when Jessie emphasizes that specific word. Even though you’re not impaired, because autism isn’t an intellectual disability, you know what she means. She says it like an insult, like you’re the most useless of garbage, not worth a human being’s basic dignity. Jay bursts out laughing when he sees the horror on your face, slapping his distressed denim thigh like it’s the funniest joke he’s heard in the fifteen miserable years of his life. You just stumble back, shock and panic rising like a tidal wave in your chest. 

“W-what?”

Jessi cackles, clinging onto Jay like he’s her own walking cane. “How cute. She looks so lost.”

You shake your head, the tears building and your throat seizing in alarm. “How…?”

“A little birdie told me.” Jessi steps closer to you, and while every other time you are able to stand up to her, you can barely look her in the eye right now. “It all makes so much sense. Why do you barely talk to anyone but your pathetic bestie? You’re too scared. Why can you never sit still in class? You're just stupid.”

“That- that’s not how it works.” 

You’re grasping at straws, at a loss for words. Any other time, you’d have a snappy comeback ready. You know you struggle with social interactions, but you never thought of yourself as someone disruptive, or weird. You’re one of the highest achievers in your entire school, because sometimes, books make more sense than people. But now? You do feel stupid, exactly like Jessi said. And not because you’re autistic, but because you weren’t careful enough. You’ve been underestimated your entire life because you’re a girl, but now, you know you’ll also be an autistic girl to everyone else. Not who you are. And that’s why you tried your best to keep it on the down low, not because you felt embarrassed, but because this was a part of yourself that was entitled to you. Not anyone else.

“Sure, okay.” Jessi looks bored already, her eyes unfocused roaming the hallway, looking for her next target. “Whatever, stupid.”

Jessi slinks off without a second glance, and Jay follows suit, but not before doing a disgustingly inaccurate impression of autists, speaking gibberish slowly and exaggeratedly. You actually speak faster than other people, because you always say whatever is on your mind. But you don’t give a crap about them right now. Bullies like them will always have the worst to talk about others, and you would rather die than have them be the cause of your tears, ever. What’s really bothering you is who told them about your autism, and how that mystery person found out.

Swallowing roughly, you run over to the bathrooms, forgetting anything else. The only thing on your mind is not losing it in front of everyone. You will not give any of these people the satisfaction. Trying to keep your breathing even, you’re about to enter the bathrooms and relieve your emotions when you hear someone say your name. It doesn’t sound deliberate however, like you weren’t supposed to hear it.

You turn slowly, searching through the swaths of people walking, when your gaze lands on a small group of people gathered at the end of the hallway, a few lockers away from where you’re standing. And his back facing you, but you immediately recognize the person speaking. After the previous year of sitting behind him in Geometry class, you would recognize his curly locks perpetually dyed a soft blond and preppy polo shirt anywhere. Your ears perk up in interest, and while you feel horrible, you know one of Chris’s dimpled smiles would immediately brighten your stormy day, as they always did.

“Tell us the truth Chris!” You hear someone screech like an eager toddler, and you stop in your tracks like a deer in a traffic jam. It can’t be. 

“Fine, Y/N is autistic...”

Everyone around Chris bursts into uproarious laughter, and while you can’t see his expression, Chris begins saying something else that’s drowned out by all of the noise. It was Chris. He told everyone about your autism. Chris, the sweetheart who brings you pudding. Chris, the pretty boy who you have a hopeless crush on. Chris, your friend.

You stumble back and are pushed back into the after-school hallway rush, losing sight of Chris. But you already saw everything you needed to. It would have hurt less if it was anyone but Chris. But it wasn’t. You liked him. You trusted him. And he took that trust and stomped on it, shattering it forever. He took something from you. 

Your heart hardens as you blink away your tears. You mindlessly make your way outside, just in time to catch your bus home. Looking out of the window, with your time and your spirit petrified, you resolve to never, ever make the same mistake again. You will never again put your faith in someone who does not deserve it. 

“You look hungry.” 

You momentarily glance away from your laptop screen to shoot Chris a withering look that could scare a bear. Things are back to normal since your emotional confrontation after the Dean’s meeting. Your rude remarks and his annoyingly cooperative advances are both back for good.

“Shut the fuck up.”

The blistering ice in your voice doesn’t stop Chris from unzipping his backpack and pulling out one of his damn puddings. With a scoff, you turn back to your spreadsheet, taking care to shoot disgusting looks at Chris periodically. Chris just takes his time savoring his pudding, innocently watching your reactions like you’re a goddamn television set.

The hours pass by quickly; you get a good amount of work done, while Chris tries to be helpful by asking useless questions and doing nothing else. Typical. After finishing up a final follow-up email to the Dean’s much more tolerable secretary, you stretch out your arms with a yawn. The library will be closing in a few minutes.

“Where are you going?” Chris’s voice is interrogative as you stand up, like you owe him an answer, which makes you see red. If anything, he is the one who should be giving you an explanation, perhaps why he has to be such a two-faced monstrosity who wants to pretend everything is fine and in the past.

Screw civility.

“Oh, I’m sorry, your royal dopiness. I didn’t know I needed your permission to go home.” Your words are filled with a sickening sarcasm, and fortunately, it’s enough to shut Chris up.

You grab your belongings and stalk out of the personal meeting room that you reserved, barely noticing that everyone else sitting at the previously crowded study spaces has already left. Once in the security of the library bathrooms, you exhale all of the tension you’ve held inside of you and splash cool water onto your heated face. 

You stare into the mirror, seeing the same girl you’ve been trying to leave behind all of this time. You feel like that lost little girl trying to clutch the thought of someone who should be forgotten. You hate that you still have hope in you, that you’ve had it all of these years, that things can be fixed. You’ve tried, you really have. You’ve tried to leave the past behind you, to look forward and do exactly what needs to be done for your success. Here’s the truth: you act like a bitch towards Chris because he sucks and you hate him. Here’s another truth: you act like a bitch towards Chris because… you’re hurt. 

Especially because of your autism, you’ve had a more difficult run at making meaningful relationships. Your friendship with Chris meant that there was hope for you, and you truly believed that. But then he betrayed you, making you doubt yourself and your abilities. And following the incident, it felt like the world was working against you, and it still does. Maybe you could have healed with time, but the universe had other plans, taking care to put you through high school and college with Chris. And with your rotten luck, he’ll probably end up going to the same law school as you.

But you don’t have the time to worry about that right now. Your future depends on the present, and you’ll do your best to remember that. Your productivity mantra will keep you going, and nothing can stop you, from Christopher Bang to misogynistic old deans to… a locked bathroom door?

“What the hell?” You tug on the handle, but the door won’t budge. 

Fuck. 

You were so occupied with Chris that you forgot that after hours, all of the doors automatically lock to preserve campus security. Screw modern technology. You’re about to pull out your phone to try and call someone, but when your fingers meet an empty pocket, you realize you left it in your apartment. With an exasperated groan, you bang against the door as hard as you can and shout for help, even though you know it’s impossible for anyone to hear you and open the door from outside, the only way to free you. After a few minutes, you give up and slide down onto the floor, knowing you’ll have to spend the rest of this godforsaken night in this stuffy bathroom. Even if you somehow eventually gain the strength to bust this stupid door down, there was no getting past the padlocked main library doors. But seriously, which genius had the idea to lock the freaking bathroom doors? 

You close your eyes and place your hand over your heart, trying to calm yourself down. You’re perfectly safe. Alone in a big, empty library. Soon, the bathroom lights will shut down, probably. You wouldn’t know for sure, though. You’ve never been locked in the damn library bathroom before. Perhaps you’ll make friends with the old campus ghosts rumored to haunt this building. And maybe—

The click and turn of the door handle startles you, and you immediately jump out of the way, so your designated savior can let you out. And you’re not even surprised when your eyes meet Chris’s own confused ones. Because of course it’s Chris.

“Why are you still here?” You ask him in a slightly accusing tone, even though he literally has just helped you. You don’t even know why you feel the need to be so pointed, but you are nevertheless. 

“I was waiting for you to come back and didn’t realize the library was closed.” Chris lets out a sigh, rubbing his forehead as if it aches. You hope it does. “I have a question about the proposal.”

“Did you try calling someone? I forgot my phone.”

“Well, my phone doesn’t have any service.”

“Awesome.”

You don’t say anything further as you both exit the cramped corridor outside of the bathroom. In your hurry, you hadn’t even noticed how the librarians had turned off the lights, shrouding the building in darkness. Shivering, you subconsciously move closer to Chris, before you realize yourself and make sure to maintain a six-feet distance between your body and his.

“You can come closer if you’re scared,” Chris teases, noticing your discomfort. “We’re both stuck in this library together.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, please. You’re the one who’s scared of the dark.”

Both of you fall silent as the remembrance sinks in. The day you confided in Chris about your autism, he had shared a secret about himself in return, albeit a less serious one. He had an irrational fear of the dark since he was a small child, and you knew any other fourth grader would have made fun of him for it. You had felt happy, then, that he could confide in you. 

The inadvertent memory feels unwelcome, uncomfortable. Chris clears his throat and looks away. “Not anymore.”

You and Chris decide to make camp in the library common room, since although the main building lights wouldn’t work, there were a few soft table lamps you could turn on for some clarity. You set your backpack down on the carpeted ground and snuggle into the large armchair by one of the bigger lamps. You glance at the decorative grandfather clock in the corner of the room, and it’s just past midnight. At that moment, you really just want to go home, put on your favorite pajamas, and fall asleep while watching your list of comfort anime films. Definitely not being locked in the damn library with Chris Bang, of all people. Since when was your life an episode of Arthur?

“So, you wanted to ask me something?” 

Chris fiddles with his hands for a minute, before looking away. “Never mind.”

You don’t even have it in you to be annoyed at this point. You’re just exhausted. You fall back against the tough cushion of the chair. It feels like you’re sitting on a clothed bag of sawdust. But it’s better than being out there, in the dark. And you hate to admit it, but you’re glad that you have someone to share the company of an empty library with, even if it’s Chris. 

“God, I’m hungry.” You touch your stomach, feeling the gnawing emptiness there.

“Would you like a—”

“No, I would not like a pudding, Chris.”

The minutes eventually tick by, and you feel yourself nodding off. You had told yourself earlier that you would stay alert, but the drowsiness drapes over you like a blanket, lulling you into reluctant sleep.

The menacing roll of thunder snaps you out of your uneasy slumber like the sound of a car crash. Immediately, you double over and tuck your head into your arms, trying to breathe. Your hands, warmed from being pressed under your thighs, go clammy with a cold sweat, and you can feel the tears well, barely keeping them at bay. When your go-to breathing technique doesn’t work, you gasp for air, jerking in your seat at every new crack of thunder invading your perception. 

Immediately, Chris crosses the space between your chairs and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hold. Sometimes, thunderstorms cause you to have a sensory overload, and you can’t cope. Chris knows this about you, after you got severely spooked after one particularly bad storm in the middle of class in sixth grade. Chris continues to rock your body slowly with his, whispering calming nothings into your ear. Your breathing slows and returns to a normal pace, but Chris just keeps rubbing slow, comforting circles on your back. 

Soon, the sound of the thunder dissipates, but you’re not entirely sure if it’s actually because the storm ended or if it’s because the overwhelming scent of Chris’s fresh, minty cologne has taken over your senses. 

You look up at Chris, the boy you hate more than anything, and whisper the very last thing that you ever thought you would say to him. “Thank you.”

Chris just nods his head slowly while you untangle yourself from his hold. He gets the hint and lets you scoot away from him, but it’s not far enough. Mere inches separate you from Chris, Chris who helped you without second thought because you were having a panic attack. Forget every ounce of hostility you have shown him, he hugged you like he was your lifeline, which he nearly could have been. 

He looks at you intently, his eyes glistening with emotion. “Why do you hate me so much?”

He’s asked this question multiple times before. The first time was back on the very first day of high school, when you both had English class together, and you staunchly ignored him. He continued to ask you the same thing over and over again, until your lack of acknowledgement made him finally stop and accept your new attitude towards him. But even though you’ve heard this question before, this time feels different. There is a certain vulnerability to his words, like he’s given up and is pleading for one last chance. 

A part of you still wants to try and maintain the animosity you use as a protective barrier, so people can’t tell what you’re really feeling. But you’re just tired of it all, and the question tugs at you too. Maybe you need to reply out loud for both of you to hear, not just him. Maybe you need to affirm your hatred for the dumb boy who waited for you to come back from the bathroom and then held you during a thunderstorm. Or maybe you need to affirm the fact that you may not hate him as much as you think, but you still do. You don’t know. You hate him the most because you don’t know. So, for the first time, you answer him.

“You broke my trust, Chris.”

“When?” Chris looks genuinely perplexed, like he has no idea what you’re talking about. 

With a scoff, you glare up at the ceiling, unable to look him in the eye. “You told everyone about my autism. When I specifically said that I wanted to keep it a secret.”

He shakes his head in a vigorous panic. “I didn’t tell anyone. I promise I didn’t. I promise it wasn’t me.”

Then who was it? 

As if he hears your thoughts, Chris sighs and indulges them. “Jessi. She saw your aide and followed him to his office. She was telling everyone about it, I swear.”

And it makes sense. His explanation checks out, and this all could have been a grand misunderstanding on your part, because of course Jessi would have snooped into your business. You couldn’t save your privacy for long with someone like Jessi hovering. And the thing is, you’re not even surprised. You knew in your heart the entire time that you could have been mistaken, that it was strange that Chris would have violated you like that, but it was just easier to blame him for your pain instead of confronting it. Or so you thought.

“And when everyone found out, I tried defending you. I never, ever would want to hurt you. Please believe me.”

Chris’s eyes are shining with earnesty, and you know he’s telling the truth. But that doesn’t erase all of the years you were hurting. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

“It didn’t even occur to me that it was the reason you stopped talking to me. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.”

You close your eyes and lean back. “Chris, you don’t have anything to be sorry about. This is on me.”

You feel your hatred towards Chris fade, and all there is left in you is a deflated pocket of sorrow. Your whole goal was to stay focused, but in reality, you’ve put so much time and energy into despising Chris. And that wasn’t the only way you hurt yourself. You also deprived yourself of what could have been a wonderful friendship.

“I do,” Chris insists, interrupting your thoughts. “I was stupid. I gave up so quickly. It hurt me too, not just you.”

You raise your head and tiredly gaze at him. Even in the dark, he looks beautiful. And it’s not merely his looks, but truly his character that shines through. You spent hours picking apart his personality, trying to find flaws and reasons to demonize him, not knowing that in the process, you were the monster yourself. You constantly complained about his lack of initiative and response, when in reality, you never let him actually do anything. You can’t even fathom why he’s being so understanding, or all of his attempts to work with you, even after your cold treatment of him.

“What do you mean, Chris?”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this.” Chris groans. “I used to like you. There.”

You perk up. Well, now you’re shocked. “Wait, really? I used to like you, too!”

There’s disbelief written all over Chris’s face. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

Both of you burst into laughter, like you weren’t having a heart-to-heart five minutes ago about hating the other. It feels good to laugh, and for a second, you’re transported back into fourth grade, when you first met Chris. 

When you were a kid, you barely laughed, which worried the crap out of your parents. The doctors said it was common among individuals with autism, but it didn’t seem that way when you walked around, unsmiling and unfeeling. You weren’t completely socially inept, or exactly shy, but you preferred to keep to yourself. And then Chris had offered you a pudding. You felt like friendship was worth something, then. You felt seen. And maybe that scared you a little bit, being on the edge with someone who made you feel so deliciously raw. Maybe that’s why you didn’t fight back for Chris, because you would rather leave than be left. 

Chris rakes his fingers through his hair, the ghost of a smile playing upon his lips. “You know, I still like you.”

“Very funny.”

“I do.”

“You’re crazy. Stop that.”

“Maybe.” Chris throws his hands up and then lets them fall back down. “I like you and don’t want to stop.”

“After how I treated you for the past eight years?” You nearly laugh with how ridiculous he’s being. Hell, if you were in his place, you’d hate yourself.

“But you were hurt. A lot.” Chris shrugs. “You’ve become this amazing woman. You’re… incredible. Hardworking, talented, smart. Keeping in mind how you truly believed I was the cause for your pain, you excelled in spite of the fact that the universe kept pulling us together.”

You shake your head. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay. I’ll say it for you.” Chris looks down at his palms. “I like you, and that’s why I became co-president and faked having no service on my phone so we would be stuck in a library together.”

“Chris—”

“Please. Don’t say no. Not after eight years of me pining for you, knowing you’d never look at me again. Knowing I was falling deeper every time you cursed at me. Please, Y/N. I want to know you again, and you to know me. Please.” Chris’s expression is begging, and it pains you even more. 

You still hurt, but it’s a different kind of torture. It’s the kind of hurt that’s the result of yearning, the kind of yearning that stems from hatred, subjugated love, and uncertain acceptance. It’s the kind of hurt that tells you that you don’t deserve him. He deserves someone who isn’t a complete and utter coward. Someone who hasn’t been completely and utterly in love with him all this time, but too stubborn and too pained to admit it. Someone who isn’t completely and utterly awed by the magnificent man he is, but too bitter to say it. 

Chris reaches out his hand and places it on the side of your face, imploring you with his hesitant palm. You melt into his touch, when a mere few hours ago, you would have slapped it off of you. His skin is warm against yours, and the softness radiating from him pulls at you. You want to say yes. You want to open a blank page in the book. You want to start fresh with this beautiful boy in front of you.

“I’m sorry.” And you’re not just apologizing for pushing him away before, but now too. You don’t get to have him. 

“Just… why?”

“I can’t. I’m so sorry.” The repeated dialogue from you has a note of finality that even Chris’s insolence can’t break through. 

And just like that, all of the bridges you both repaired come crumbling down, but this time, it’s on purpose. You’ve always been quick to make decisions, never mulling over a choice for too long. You loved Chris. You hated Chris. You still love Chris. But you reject Chris. It’s easy to do, like one computer command after the other. But then Chris retracts his touch and wordlessly gets up from the armchair, curling up into his original position in the other chair. He’s facing away from you, you feel like you’ve struck an error message. The hours pass, and the softly snoring form of Chris reminds you of a blaring bad request, a pile of code that just won’t compile. Eventually, your computer shuts down too, and you share a temporary commonality with Chris when you fall asleep.

“Wake up dear.”

Your eyes fly open, and you sit up. Natural light pours in through the big windows, and you can feel your skin drinking in the sunshine. The librarian’s kind eyes are watching you with worry, but all you can think of is the night before. Perhaps it was all a dream. You were angry at Chris and then fell asleep after coming back from the bathroom. End of story. But then you feel that familiar ache in your heart, and you know you weren’t hallucinating everything that transpired between you both.

You turn to look at the librarian, who still seems immensely concerned, especially with your disoriented morning look. “I’m sorry, where is Chris?”

“He just left a few minutes ago, sweetheart. I was opening up for the day, when I saw him waiting to be let out at the front entrance. Nearly scared the life out of me.” The librarian places her hand on your shoulder. “He told me you were here.”

The librarian rushes off to her personal office to make you some tea, and you’re left alone in the common room. And no one else is here either, because today is Saturday and your university is supposed to be hosting a football game against a rival school. You look down at your body and notice a jacket wrapped around your body, one that definitely isn’t yours. You don’t have an expensive leather jacket that smells like Tom Ford cologne. It was freezing last night because the library doesn’t have heating, and Chris must have woken up in the middle of the night and draped it on you. You feel another pang in your heart as you think of Chris leaving without speaking to you. You deserve it, though.

As you sadly walk out of the library, you decide to skip the game even though as student body president, you should be there, representing the school. You reach your off-campus apartment, the one that you were so excited to finally lease a few months ago, and sprawl onto your couch, already feeling weary of the day. Nevertheless, you fish your phone out of the jumble of couch pillows and call Soobin, because he must be worried sick. You always text him goodnight before you sleep, and yesterday must have been the first time you didn’t.

“How could you?” He’s angry, a new color on him.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. The library—” You start, but Soobin doesn’t let you finish.

“Forget the library! I’m talking about Chris. He’s stepping down from the president role because of you, Y/N!” Soobin screeches into the phone, making you shoot up in alarm.

“What?!”

“I overheard him tell everything to Jisung. Y/N, this is wrong.” Soobin sounds calmer, but nonetheless distressed. “I know you love him. You shouldn’t let this happen.”

Your face heats up in surprise. “How—”

You hear Soobin tsk, and you just know he’s shaking his head, disappointed. “I didn’t even have to hear him talk to know that. There’s a fine line between love and hate. You can never stop talking about him!”

There’s no denying it now. You shouldn’t have underestimated Soobin; no matter how silly he can be, he is your best friend in the whole world after all. And maybe all the time, the only one you were lying to was yourself. 

You grab a pillow and cradle it, just wanting to cry it all out. You always have more intense feelings than others, but right now, your heart hurts so much that you doubt you can blame being emotional on your autism. 

“Soobin, what do I do? I don’t want to hurt him, but…” You sniffle. “I didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself. For eight years, I made my whole personality hate Chris. And now, he forgives me and I accept it? I’m so stupid, God.”

“I agree you’re stupid.”

“You’re not making me feel better!”

“Sorry.” Soobin sighs. “But you need to get over yourself and your drama. Stop making this harder for both of you, and just be grateful that you haven’t lost him. Yet.”

And with that, he cuts the call in a way very unlike Soobin, making you groan out loud in frustration. Now you want to punch your pillow, because your best friend is absolutely right.

It doesn’t take long for you to find Chris in the packed stadium. Through the throngs of students eager to trade their homework for a good home game, you see him standing with one of his friends in an upper corner of the stands. When you were younger, you were obsessed with Greek mythology and thought that Chris looked like Apollo, the god of the sun, with his golden curls and sunny disposition. Today, his light seems to have dimmed, as he watches the ongoing game with his hands shoved into his pockets and a forlorn look marking his gaze. 

“Chris!” You shout to try and get his attention, but it’s to no avail. The cheering crowd is ear-splitting, and you have no other choice but to climb up to the top.

Grunting, you hoist yourself up the steep stairs and try not to look behind you. If you do, you’ll fall off the stands with dizziness, which would be slightly undesirable compared to what you have to do next. Slightly. With the final step, you haul into Chris’s row, catching your breath and a first glimpse at how high up you really are. The players on the field look like tiny ants, and you feel your stomach drop. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. 

But it’s too late to turn back now, because Chris has already spotted you and hurries over. You tense and lose your footing, stumbling over someone as they kick their legs in anticipation. Great. 

“What are you doing here?” Chan places a toned arm around your shoulders and pulls you up, leading you to his seat. You clumsily collapse into the solid, curved plastic of the chair, and Chris follows next to you.

You then notice Chris’s friend, a heartbreakingly handsome man who you vaguely remember as Minho from your sophomore year literature class. He’s wistfully gazing at a very pretty girl who is chatting with Terry, Soobin’s old roommate, a few rows down. Minho then becomes aware of your presence and hurriedly excuses himself, rushing out of the aisle and disappearing into the crowd. You turn to Chris.

“Is he okay?”

Chris exhales, running his fingers through his hair, combing through it before the soft locks flop back into place on his forehead. “I… Minho’s just going through some stuff right now.”

“Seems like he’s not the only one.” You toy with your ring, twisting it around your finger. “I heard you’re resigning.”

“Who told you that?”

“Soobin. He was eavesdropping on you and Jisung today in Morningstar,” you respond. “Why are you leaving the role?”

Chris looks away from you and out at the field. Your university’s football team still hasn’t scored. “I’d just be in your way. This is for the best, Y/N.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Please don’t. I need you.”

“You’ll be fine.”

This is what you thought you wanted all along, a world without Chris in it. Besides Student Council, neither of you share any classes or activities this year. If he left, you wouldn’t have to cross paths with him again. You could run the council well on your own, you know that. But you don't want to. You don’t ever want to imagine a world without Chris. He’s been by your side for so long now, and now when he’s about to step away do you truly realize how much you need him.

“Maybe. But I won’t be happy.” Against your better judgment, you reach over and grasp his hand, making Chris start in surprise.

Chris shakes his head, still skeptical. “All I’ve ever done is make you unhappy, Y/N. You don’t want me to be around.”

You sigh, knowing he’s not going to come around, not without the right kind of persuasion. “I was dreading having to do this.”

“Do what?”

You reach into the small purse hanging off of your shoulder and pull what you had scoured the entire city for in the past few hours. “Would you like a pudding?”

Chris looks bemused, staring down at the small cup of chocolatey goodness in the delicate palm of your hand. 

“Or do you want a kiss?” You stare at Chris intently, trying to ignore the whammering beat of your heart. “What will it take for you to stay in your position?”

“W-what?”

“Or I could be your girlfriend. Because I really want to see where this goes.” You take a deep breath. “A bunny once told me that I just need to get out of the past. I’ve left it behind, and I’m looking forward, Chris.”

“Fine.” Chris swallows roughly and bites back the slow smile spreading on his features. “Can I have all three?”

“You never make it easy, do you, Chris?” 

Before he can quip back at you, you grasp the collar of his t-shirt and tug him to you, your lips meeting just as the home team finally scores a touchdown and the crowd erupts in applause. You couldn’t care less though, because although the preteen you is jumping up and down like the rest of the cheering fans, the adult you is smiling into the lips of the man you definitely do not hate. Actually, you love him. 

Chris slings his arms around your waist and pulls your body closer to his, sweetly laughing into your ear when you both come up for air. “Am I a good kisser, or what?”

“Shut up.” 

And you’re kissing him again. Warmth blossoms in your chest, sparks igniting as you lean into each other after years of loving, hating, and longing. Your arms roving over each other coax all and any remaining hesitation left in you both, and it feels so right. You treasure the soft sighs of pleasure and elation spilling from Chris’s lips, his sounds more deafening than any overzealous football fan’s rally cry. 

“So, do I not get the pudding, or…?” Dimples cut across Chris’s cheeks as he pulls away from your lips once more just to shoot you a cheeky grin.

You roll your eyes playfully and reach into your lap, tearing open the foil wrapper on top of the pudding cup before handing it to him. “You and your pudding.”

“You know you love it.”

Check out the rest of boys' stories on Love Playlist!

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#kflixnet #straykidsland #k-labels #stray kids #bang chan x reader #skz #bang chan fic #bang chan angst #stray kids college au #stray kids enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers #bang chan #christopher bang #chris bang #stray kids bang chan #skz fic #jisungsdaydreamer #love playlist #bang chan fluff #college au #academic rivals #bang chan romance #skz romance #forced proximity

[wjhik]

Why Are You Doing This To Me?! (Jude Bellingham)

A/N: guys im way too proud of this one. so much angst so much heartbreak. gaslighter!jude so much fun PLEASE COMMENT ANYTHING I LOVE READING THEM

As my birthday approached, I clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, tonight would be different. I planned a special dinner for just the two of us, maybe a chance to reconnect and rediscover the love Jude and I had lost over the past 5 years. I was there for him at his worst at Dortmund, and now his best at Madrid, but as the hours ticked by and Jude failed to show, any remaining hope turned to despair. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I blew out the candles to my homemade chocolate cake, as per Jude’s request, alone, the flickering flames a cruel reflection of my shattered dreams.

↭

I sat on the edge of Jude and I’s bed, my fingers tracing aimless patterns on the wrinkled sheets beneath me. The clock on the bedside table mocked me with each passing second, a cruel reminder of Jude's absence. He had been drifting further away with each passing day, lost in the shitty late-nights with his friends. Our once vibrant relationship had begun to crumble, leaving me alone to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart.

I had given everything up for Jude. I left everything I knew to come to Dortmund to be with him. I gave up scholarships to end up going to a shitty college in a country where I knew no one, but I never complained, because I was with the love of my life. A few years in, I had finally settled down, but Jude decided he was too good for Germany, so he made the move to Madrid with not a thought about me. He wouldn't hesitate to leave me behind if I didn’t make it work, but being the dumbass I am, I made it work. I moved out here to Madrid with him just for me to see him, if I’m lucky, twice a week, despite living together.

Unable to bear the silence of our empty house any longer, I made the decision. The decision I would regret forever. I went to Jude's regular bar, the place where he often chilled in the company of his friends. Pushing open the door, I was greeted by the familiar scent of stale beer and laughter. But, unexpectedly, Jude was nowhere to be found. My heart started pounding, thinking about the worst possible situations. I scanned the room to see a group of some of Jude’s teammates. I let out a sigh of false relief, suspecting maybe he was using the toilet or something. Desperation clawed at my chest as I approached Vini.

"Vini, have you seen Jude tonight?" I asked the Brazilian, my voice trembling with emotion, hoping and praying that he knew.

His eyes were glassy and unfocused, words slurred from far too many drinks. "Yeah, he left a while ago," he mumbled, pointing vaguely in the direction of the exit. “With someone…” He softly added on softly. “With who?!” I exclaimed. “Just one of his friends, don’t worry.” Luka adds on. “Where’d he go?” I asked, slightly shivering. “I don’t know.” They said, miserably lying. “Please.” I plead, tears in my eyes.

↭

I heart sank unhealthily deep in my chest as I shoved my phone back into my pocket, the address burning in the forefront of my mind. I started the 30-minute walk to the given location, all sorts of horrible thoughts in my head. Who is this friend? Do I know him? Why would Jude not tell me? Why were the guys keeping it a secret? Is he with another girl? 

↭

With trembling hands, I pressed the doorbell, my pulse racing with anticipation as if I had run 5 marathons with no break. The door swung open, revealing Jude. He was shirtless, bruises all over his uncovered chest, bruises I didn’t leave. He looked around briefly until his eyes meet my wet ones. “Y/N? What are you doing here?” Jude asked me, much too surprised for anything innocent, his voice tinged with guilt. Before I got the chance to reply, I heard a voice calling his name from the next room. I heard light footsteps approaching my boyfriend. “Baby, who’s there?” She asked. My heart instantly dropped. Anguish surged through my veins as the truth dawned on her. 

The beautiful woman wearing lacy lingerie and a silk robe places a kiss on the back of Jude’s neck before clinging onto his arm. “Can we help you?” She asked, far too nicely. My eyes filled with tears as I struggled to find my voice. "Who is she?" I whispered, ignoring the girl on Jude’s arm in my place and locking eyes with my ‘boyfriend’, my heart breaking with each and every word

Jude's gaze shifted uncomfortably, his grip on the other girl tightening. "She's just a friend," he insisted, but his words fell on my deaf ears. Her eyes widened as she realized who was standing at her front step.

A torrent of emotions flooded through me as I screamed all sorts of horrid curses at Jude, each accusation tearing at our already fragile bond. “You’re a cheating, lying bastard! All these fucking years I wasted on you, you’re going to throw that all away for this?! And on my fucking birthday?!” I couldn't understand how the man I loved with all my heart could betray me like this, how he could throw away everything we had built together for the sake of a fleeting moment of pleasure.

“Love, you’re hyperventilating. You’ll pass out at this rate. Please come inside.” The woman offers. She sat me down on her couch as I uncontrollably sobbed and screamed at Jude. She disappeared for a moment into her kitchen and came back with a glass of water. 

Our argument echoed through the empty hallway, or should I say my yelling, because Jude had nothing to say. All of my insecurities that Jude has ever reassured bubbled to the surface, fueled by years of my doubt and his neglect. I was small and insignificant. I didn't matter in Jude's eyes anymore. I didn’t matter in anyone’s eyes. 

Jude stepped away from my shaking body to cross paths with his ‘new girl’. I couldn’t hear everything except for something along the lines of: “You’re right, Jude. She’s not well. She needs help.” It sounded sympathetic. I stood up and continued yelling. “You made me seem like I’m fucking crazy! You fucking asshole, you ruined everything! Anybody would go crazy with all the shit you put me through!” The two got startled and came over to comfort me once again. I felt like I was nothing. Nothing but a mentally ill, crazy bitch. I felt like it was all my fault. Maybe Jude wasn’t wrong to cheat on me. “It’s okay, darling. Just breathe.” The girl comforts me. 

↭

Somewhere along the lines of screaming and crying, I had given out and fallen asleep on my boyfriend’s side chick’s couch. This was probably my lowest point ever. My eyes shot open and the tears fell out once again. I looked around to see no one there. I heard a sweet voice coming from the other room. I went over to see Jude on her bed, head in his hands, and her hugging and comforting him. Jude looked up and immediately shot up. He moved towards me and hugged me. 

"Y/N, let's go home. You’re so exhausted." he said softly, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.

I hesitated, torn between the desire to lash out at this fucker who broke my heart and the girl he broke it with or the longing for comfort they both were giving me. But in the end, I nodded, allowing Jude to drive me back to our shared house. The journey was filled with a heavy silence, the weight of his unspoken words hanging in the air like a thick fog, my words were all spoken. I laid my head on the window, unable to hold back my tears.

As we entered the house, once called a home, the tension between us was obvious. You could break it with the dullest of knives. I looked at the man I once loved who didn’t hesitate to throw me aside like a broken toy. But to my own surprise, I wasn’t leaving. I always preached about leaving your cheater boyfriends, but I truly had no one else.

"I'm not leaving," I said, my words hanging in the air like a lifeline. “I have nowhere else to go. You’re all I know."

And with those simple words, I thought the fragile remnants of our love were stitched back together, a patchwork of broken promises and shattered dreams, but I was wrong. 

"I have to go, Y/N," Jude's voice broke through the heavy silence, his words hanging in the air like a dark cloud.

My heart skipped a beat, confusion etched into every line of my face. What is he doing? I’m letting him have his happy ending. What the fuck is happening? "What do you mean?" I whispered, my voice barely audible in pure confusion.

Jude took a deep breath, his gaze filled with sadness and regret. "I'm leaving you, Y/N," he said, each word like a dagger to my heart. "Cassie… she's pregnant. I'm going to be a father, and I’m really happy about it."

The world seemed to spin out of control as I struggled to comprehend the enormity of Jude's betrayal. Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at him, unable to find the words to express the depth of my pain. “Jude, I’m giving you what you want here. I’m supposed to be the independent woman and leave you, but I’m not. I’m staying. What the fuck are you doing to me?” I say, sobbing as I try to plead my case. 

“Y/N, please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” He said, walking into the bedroom to get his pre-packed suitcase, me trailing behind. “Listen, I was planning on doing this anyways. The house is all yours. I don’t need it.” He says, handing me his keys. I looked around at our house, all of his belongings were gone. How did I not notice? “Wait, Jude. Hold on. Why are you doing this to me-” I tried to say as Jude walked out of the room. “You’ll be fine.” He interrupted. He put his hand on the back of my head and kissed my forehead. And like that, he walked out of my life.

↭

Six years passed in a blur of heartache and longing. I watched helplessly as Jude built a new life with Cassie, our shared house now a distant memory. I thought I would accept it, but I never did. I couldn't change the past, couldn't erase the hurt and betrayal, and I knew that, but it didn’t help. All I could do was move forward, one painful step at a time, but I couldn’t. All of our pictures hung in my apartment, despite selling our house out of desperation. I couldn’t keep a job, always coming to work drunk and miserable, so I needed the money. 

Here I found myself standing outside a church, my heart heavy with sorrow and despair. I received an invitation to Jude's wedding, a cruel reminder of how that sick bastard ruined my life. But as I stepped inside the beautiful venue, my eyes fell on two familiar faces in the crowd.

Jude stood at the altar, his hand intertwined with the woman who ended it all, a big smile playing at the corners of his lips, bigger than when we were ever together. And beside them, a little boy with Jude's dark curly hair and soulful eyes, his resemblance to his father unmistakable. 

My heart hurt and felt heavy at the sight, a bittersweet and horrible mix of sadness and resignation washing over me like a tidal wave. I watched silently as Jude exchanged vows with the other woman, my heart breaking with each promise of love and fidelity. He promised her love, care, attention, and ironically honesty and loyalty. The same things he promised me almost 10 years ago, but here I am. A miserable guest while she’s his wife.

#jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham #footballer x reader #football x reader #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham angst #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham drabble #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham smut

[ms-scarletwings]

Aberrant Fish

The first hint many an angler will get of the dark, insidious secrets these waters hold,

and yet, they are the first thing to be accepted as only another flavor of mundane.

The game text calls them grotesque. The fishmonger calls them corrupted. You get to call them a bonus. Rather than fear and revile them, tradesmen will pay a shiny extra penny to add them into their stock. They are gestured to and spoken of, but never truly elaborated on by the townsfolk. They have probably been here long before most of them, and so will be here long after they are gone. They were certainly here before you. Maybe you don’t need their answers, and yet if you are like me, you still witlessly question and keep dredging for more.

Like many things pulled from those cursed depths, they whisper flecks of madness from an impossible voice. What messages do they carry, and what forces do they play vessel to? Are they the lingering embers from a long-extinguished calamity, or are they harbingers of the next one to come?

I believe we have already seen signs of fire with our own eyes- impossible, great beasts that prowl the four (now five) coasts, the dying cult, gibbering fog…. That damned book. These tortured creatures are but another form of the same smoke.

To the question of where they came from, if your fisherman pokes around enough and braves the darkness, he may have already found a response in one of the many obelisks scattered around the map. Specifically, I refer to this.

This would suggest the aberrants themselves are what leaked in through the cracks that the largest of all monsters wants to rend apart? Not entirely, but in part. For the researcher at the Stellar Basin came to her own conclusion I want to factor in.

Her words give credence to the possibility that it is actually those greater beasts themselves at the heart of the corruption. I think she was half onto something, because what if these twisted forms, both large and small, were blooms along the same set of festering roots?

The more dark stones you disturb in the frenzy of your own madness, the more you learn about the age before your arrival, about the islands, and especially about their current guardians. The Mindsuckers- carrion puppet masters given a home, the Basin creature- a spore that miraculously survived its dive to the abyss, and the Serpent- lifeless stone made animate and malicious, all had their creation remembered in great detail by the obelisks. Some hints point that their emergence was rather recent, relative to even more powerful beings, such as the leviathan.

Maybe there are even more unseen horrors far below, blessedly out of our reach, for now. My view is that the malformed beasts are the aimless children of that unfathomable thing which waits beyond the veil. With them came its influence, and its corruption, and from them it continues to spread to all life surrounding. The smaller rifts were always a transformative disease upon the harbor’s fish, but with the rise of the new monsters, the sickness runs farther and less avoidably than ever. Whether these aberrant spawn are a gift to the worthy, or another deceptive evil that leads to madness remains left to be seen.

I will be giving a spotlight to each of these fascinating specimens at the back of Dredge’s encyclopedia, including those found in the Pale Reach, for further comment and appreciation. Updating the list below as we go along!

[#79-84]

[#85-90]

[#91-96]

[#97-102]

[#103-108]

[#109-114]

[#115-120]

[#121-126]

[#127-132]

[#133-138]

[#139-144]

[#145-150]

[#163-168]

[#169-174]

[Bonus I. Night Angler]

[Bonus II. Serpent]

[Bonus III. Basin Creature]

[Bonus IV. Mindsuckers]

[Bonus V. Unseeing Mother]

[Bonus VI. “Narwhal”]

#dredge game #dredge #dredge analysis #aberrant fish #grotesque fish #dredge spoilers #scarlet talks about things

[msfantasy]

Time Traveller

Summary: a short on how Y/n travels back in time and meets her younger husband.

Ominis Gaunt x reader

Ominis would typically wish that he was anywhere else but here.

Tonight, however, is different. Tonight the Gaunt family is joined at the diner table by a special guest, who just so happens to be a ‘distant’ relative from the future. When she first step through the manor, she had explained she is a Gaunt by marriage only to non-other than Ominis himself. He found it incredibly difficult to fathom such a concept.

Yet here we are.

Sitting next to her, he can smell a faint whiff of her intoxicating perfume. One cannot possibly smell this delightful.

She is obviously not capable of maintaining a refined composure as she continues to fidget in her seat as she fiddles with the objects around her. She often starts rattling off random pieces of small talk to fill the awkward silence which she is clearly not use to.

Ominis can sense his mothers growing irritations with the woman’s insistent restlessness. Afraid of the poor woman was about to suffer his mothers wrath. He reaches his hand out, placing a firm palm on her arm. He was about to gently tell her to ease up. Only she quickly shuts her mouth after muttering her apologies.

This takes Ominis aback. How had she known what he was about to say?

Regardless, Ominis mother makes an excuse and departs the dining table that evening along with his father.

Bored Marvolo bids a good evening, retiring to his room leaving Ominis and Y/n alone at the dinner table together.

“I’m sorry- I’m just not use to this level of quite.” She says leaning towards the milky eyed boy. A small smile crosses his face. “You know how it is… we’ll actually I suppose you don’t yet.” She heaves a heavy as leans in bonking her head into his shoulder. “Dear Merlin- I miss you so much. It’s odd isn’t it? Missing you and yet you’re next to me.”

“I suppose we have a loving marriage then?” He asks with amusement.

“Oh wow… if you knew what you’re like in future… you’d understand why that question is so funny.” A small laugh escapes him, finding great difficulty in imagining himself in a love sick state.

Ominis sits back in his seat, unable to comprehend a happy life. For such a long time, Ominis had come to terms with the cards life had dealt him. He was incredibly glad to hear that life does get better. “Please… I know you cannot overshare but please, tell me if I am happy… truely happy?”

The woman snakes her comforting arms around his shoulders and brings him into a tender hold against her chest. He was about to protest at her intrusive hold until he was cut off as she hushes his thoughts and pats loving strokes down his head. “This is how I hold our children when they’re upset or sick. Sometimes this is how I hold you at night when you had a bad day at work.” A blush of embarrassment crossed his cheeks. Surely, he doesn’t have his wife hold him in such a childish manner. Turning her head she places a chaste kiss on his temple the way mothers do when leaving their children on platform 9 3/4.

She’s so loving, so maternal, so safe. Ominis feels utterly safe in her arms. Merlin- he never wants her to let go of him, but she does release him from her grasp.

Her touch recedes leaving him desperate for her hold once again.

“Ominis my love?” She calls for his attention cupping his jaw. “I am filled with such sorrow, seeing how your life was. Just remember it won’t be long.” She stands pulling away from Ominis. His skin feels cold at her absence.

A colourful swirl opens up in the living room, a portal opens calling for the woman to return. “Wait! Tell me how I win your heart.” Ominis asked with slight desperation filling his voice.

A soft giggles escapes her lips. “The very first moment I beheld you, my heart was irrevocably gone.”

She steps through the swirl and was surrounded by darkness, she continues her journey in the aimless direction until a hazy imagine appears becoming more discernible with each step.

A man stands before her, his arms held open, patiently waiting for her to return into his embrace. Ramming into the man, she holds him in great desperation. “Offt!” He grunts at the force of her embrace. “You were only gone a day my love.” Ominis coos running his fingers through her rich hair.

J“A day too long.” She whispers as she buries her face into his shirt.

#Ominis gaunt x reader #Ominis gaunt imagine #Ominis gaunt x you #ominis gaunt x y/n #ominis gaunt x mc #Ominis x reader #Ominis imagine #Ominis x you #ominis x y/n #ominis x mc #hogwarts legacy imagine #hogwarts legacy x reader #hogwarts legacy

[emotionallyunstableduck]

Between the lines

genre: fluff, mutual pining, drunk confessions

pairing: Osamu Dazai x Coworker!reader

word count: 860 words

warnings: drinking, aimless writing

Part2

a/n: This is my first fic, and I don't know what i am doing, but i hope you guys enjoy it nevertheless :) Now that i realize it, it's quite short, but I'm still posting it regardless.

Ever since you started working at the agency, you were drawn to Dazai like a moth to a flame. Was it his childish facade? The intricate personality behind that mask? you never quite figured it out.

Today was a typical evening, and you were completing some paperwork while sitting in the cafe downstairs, but all you could concentrate on was dazai flirting with the waitress. You tell yourself that it doesn't bother you, but that would be a lie, so you do the next best thing and pack up your stuff and say good night to your coworkers and head up to your apartment.

That night you heard the bell as you were reading your book so you went to open the door and to your surprise there stood the guy you were over. Dazai looked clearly drunk. "hello Y/N it's great to see you but what are you doing in my house" you couldn't help but giggle at his ramblings "Dazai-san your room is opposite to mine" dazai was perplexed "you mean to say you are not in my room" "quite the opposite actually" dazai seemed a little bummed out as he began to search for his house keys only to realize he left it at his desk. Too lazy to go back to the agency building, dazai just sat on your doorstep "Y/N lemme just stay here for the night" he said proceeding to lay down as you interrupted him by pulling him up by his arm leading to your couch "you'll catch a cold if you lay there Dazai-san" while giving him a blanket "here you go. let me get you some water before you go to sleep" just as you were about to get up to get some water Dazai holds your hand and pulls you onto him and rests his hand on your face "I knew I loved those eyes of yours".

To say you were flustered would be an understatement "Da-Dazai san what are you going on about" Dazai just kept staring at you as though he was trying to speak with you telepathically "It's just that you always look so effortlessly captivating, the way you handle every situation, your wicked intelligence and the way you fill up all my thoughts. I adore you my dear Y/N" after hearing the most heartfelt confession ever, you look at the confessor only to find him passed out on your couch.

You went to sleep with all your blood rushing to your face.

The next morning you find dazai still asleep on the couch. it warmed your heart to watch him sleep "he looks so peaceful" you say to yourself and go to your kitchen and start on some breakfast.

Dazai wakes up with a heavy head and sunlight hitting his face as he tries to squint his eyes to make out his location. His eyes widen when he sees you whisk some eggs as you hum to yourself. To him this sight was something from his dreams. You notice movement and turn towards Dazai and walk towards him with water and some hangover medicine "Dazai-san good morning. I hope you had a good rest. Take this and oh Atsushi-kun dropped your house keys this morning so here you go" you give him his keys and try to avoid eye contact. As much as you wanted to sound normal, last night's scene kept replaying in our head and you couldn't act the same as usual. Dazai was quick to catch onto this "why are you acting weird? Did i do something while i was drunk?" he looks slightly concerned as he thought back to last night and was hit with everything. "its nothing I was a bit spaced out that's it" you say while folding up the blanket he used "if this is about my confession last night the you don't need to overthink it. I simple stated my mind and my feelings for you".

The nonchalant confession caught you off-guard "Y/N i meant when i said that i adore you. now i will not impose this on you" with that Dazai began walking towards your door "I really like you too Dazai-san" you shout a bit not able to handle the rush of emotions.

Dazai turned back and held your hands tightly "you mean that my dear? cause if that's true then i don't think i can hold myself back any longer" you simple nod and the very next moment you feel his lips upon your. The neediness and the complex feeling dissolving and filling the gap between you both as you kiss him back.

Dazai pulls out after a while and looks at you like you are the world to him "maybe i should drink more often" he says causing you to chuckle and rest your face on his chest "I didn't think I'll ever get to do this" he gently strokes your hair and you both hold each other close.

"So, now we go to the bedroom?" Dazai asks suggestively."I think we should have our breakfast and head to the agency so as to not have Kunikida-san shout at us".

a/n: contemplating over if I should do a part 2 with smut.

#dazai x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #osamu dazai #bsd dazai #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai x y/n

[shadowtriovibes]

where there's smoke, there's firewhiskey

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!MC x Garreth Weasley

Word Count: 2.1k

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: aged-up characters, established relationship seb x mc, underage drinking (by today's standards), recreational drug use, shotgunning, references to threesomes

Summary: request: "imagine a modern au, where parties are more like our idea of them and not, y'know, victorian england. And getting high, drunk, or both, at a party and running into literally any one of the boys and just acting like horny college kids. Seb fits this idea best in my head but kinda sorta lowkey I could see Garreth being a stoner LMAO." (predictably, i decided that three heads are better than two)

"What are we doing?" you whisper. "Having fun," Sebastian answers cheekily. "It's a party, we're allowed to have a little fun." "Doesn't have to be serious," Garreth chimes in, still pressing wet kisses to your neck. "In fact, it's usually better if it's not."

On nights like tonight, you’re quite proud to be a Hufflepuff.

You may have only been at Hogwarts for less than two years, but it didn’t take long to learn that all too often, your house is the least loved. Ravenclaws have their intelligence, Gryffindors their bravery, and even Slytherins their cunning, but what have you Hufflepuffs got?

Well, tonight what you’ve got is the honor of hosting the best party you’ve ever been to.

As soon as dinner had ended, your cozy, comforting common room had been completely transformed into a raucous den of teenage misbehavior from one last blowout party before your N.E.W.T.s exams start next week. For hours your classmates have taken turns sneaking sixth- and seventh-years from other houses in small groups down past the kitchens and through Hufflepuff’s massive barrel entrance until it felt like just about all your classmates were here.

There’s Muggle music blaring on someone’s contraband stereo across the room and some N.E.W.T.s-level Potions students are delightedly combining wizarding spirits with Muggle mixers and passing them out to members of a very thirsty crowd — in the pursuit of knowledge, of course.

Predictably, you’re already in Sebastian’s lap. All night he’s been unabashedly charming you into taking sips of Firewhiskey from his own bottle, wary of whatever has been bubbling away in Sacharissa’s cauldron.

Your boyfriend has turned you into a big fan of Firewhiskey. Every time you take a sip of the cinnamon-spiced spirit, you feel its warmth spread from the very top of your head down to the tips of your toes and everywhere in between. It’s sweet, slightly spicy and way too easy to drink whenever Sebastian offers you the bottle by its neck.

Now you’re tipsy and warm and perfectly content to sit with him in an armchair by a tucked-away fireplace on the far end of the room.

Plus, he looks so bloody fit in the varsity Quidditch jacket that Imelda had gifted members of the team at the end of the season that you can barely stand to take your hands off his broad chest.

Between your murmured conversations and occasional aimless kisses, Sebastian teasingly announces, “Looks like your friend’s just arrived.”

“Who, Natty?” you ask hopefully.

“Garreth,” he says instead, and you’re immediately suspicious of the way he’s smirking at you.

“What’s that look for?” you ask him.

He pointedly ignores your question and instead waves Garreth over. Across the room, he’s just climbed into the common room with a group of other Gryffindors, looking artfully disheveled as always.

He perks up when he notices you and quickly weaves his way over to the sitting area you and Sebastian had claimed. Your boyfriend disappointedly lets you climb off his lap so you can greet Garreth and give him a hug.

“Want to sit with us?” you offer. “Sebastian’s got some whiskey if you’d like some.”

“I’m alright, thanks,” he says kindly, taking a seat on the couch across from Sebastian. “But I’ll join you anyway.”

You wouldn’t dream of telling Sebastian, but over the years you’ve always maintained a slight crush on Garreth. You love Seb, you’re mad about him and you hope you’ll be together well after your tenure at Hogwarts ends, but still… That harmless crush persists, and it makes your heart race a little whenever Garreth smiles at you across his potions station or compliments your spellwork in Charms.

It doesn’t help that he’s generally a massive flirt.

“Are you sure you don’t want a drink?” you offer after chatting with him for a while. “Everyone’s been getting boozed-up for hours.”

“I’m not much of a drinker,” Garreth admits. “But I’ve got my own stuff.”

Reaching into the pockets of his trousers, Garreth pulls out a small wooden box and flips open the lid. From inside he pulls out a small, thin strip of parchment and a small bag of what looks to be ground-up leaves.

“What have you got?” you ask curiously.

“Mallowsweet,” he replies, and sure enough, when he opens up the bag and tips some of its contents into his hand, you catch the magical herb’s familiar honey-like scent.

“Why?” you ask, and Garreth raises an eyebrow at you.

“You can smoke it,” Garreth explains as if it’s obvious. “It’ll loosen up your inhibitions just like alcohol. Have you never had Mallowsweet like this before?”

“No,” you admit. “I’ve really only used it for completing Merlin Trials, and Professor Garlick is surprisingly strict about how much she lets me grow.”

“It’s not her fault, the Ministry’s been trying to make it a controlled substance for years now,” Garreth explains. “She can’t let students have too much, but if you buy some off Timothy down at the Magic Neep, he’ll give you as much as you want.”

“And then you just dry it out to smoke it?” you ask, peering at the small, dried-out pieces of leaves in the palm of his hand.

“Yeah, that’s easy enough to do myself,” Garreth laughs. “All you need is a quick-drying charm and then it’s ready to smoke.”

You watch as he takes the small piece of parchment and tips the dried Mallowsweet onto it, and then he places the paper on the low table in front of you and carefully rolls it into a thin, cigarette-shaped joint. Finally, he seals it by licking along the exposed edge and pressing it closed.

“Got a light for me?” he jokes, placing one end in his mouth.

You roll your eyes fondly and gently tap the tip of your wand against the end of the joint. With a quick spark, a small flame jumps to life and the joint lets out a thin tendril of smoke.

Garreth takes a long drag and as he exhales, he murmurs, “Thanks, love.”

The pet name makes you blush, and you hope it’s not visible in the low lighting of the party.

“You want to try some?” he offers. “I think you’d like it.”

“What’s it feel like?” you ask curiously.

Garreth pauses for a beat to consider before he tells you, “For me, it’s really calming. It kind of… turns my senses down, if that makes sense. Everything gets quieter, and less hurried.”

“That sounds really nice,” you say softly. “But I haven’t ever smoked anything before.”

You watch Garreth’s gaze drift down to your mouth, lingering a little longer than he’d usually be able to get away with. “Maybe I can help you.”

“You should shotgun her,” Sebastian suggests, and you startle, guiltily remembering that he’s still seated a few feet away in that armchair, watching the two of you with a keen look on his face.

“Yeah?” Garreth asks. “That’s alright?”

“It’s a party,” Sebastian says with a shrug. “I’m alright with it if she is.”

“What’s that mean, ‘shotgun?’” you ask skeptically. “Like how Everett chugs Butterbeers from the side of the can?”

“Not that kind,” Garreth laughs. “It’s more like… I’ll take a hit, and then when I breathe out, you’ll breathe in.”

You frown, confused. Garreth just smirks and offers, “It’s really easier to just do it than explain.”

“Sure, yeah,” you agree. “Go on then.”

Garreth lifts the joint to his lips again and takes another slow drag, holding his breath at the top while he sets the lit joint down in an ashtray on the table. Then he gently grips your chin with one hand and pulls you in like he’s going to kiss you, but before he does, he taps on your bottom lip with one long finger so you’ll open your mouth.

His lips just barely brush against yours while he carefully exhales smoke into your mouth, and thankfully your soft gasp breaks your trance and forces you to inhale that same smoke. It tastes slightly sweet on your tongue, as the name suggests, but pleasantly herbal as well.

“Hold onto it for a moment,” Garreth murmurs, his lips still touching yours. “Then breathe out.”

You count to five in your head and exhale. The smoke dissipates in front of you, and as soon as it clears, you’re staring right into Garreth’s warm brown eyes.

“Sebastian,” he says, his gaze still fixed on you. “You’re not going to curse me for this, are you?”

“Go on, Weasley,” Sebastian drawls. “She wants you to.”

You want to offer an excuse, an apology, anything in response to Sebastian’s obviously correct assumption. Instead, you just lean into Garreth a bit closer and suddenly he’s kissing you, one hand still cradling your jaw.

He’s an excellent kisser, you think. You’ve only got Sebastian to compare him to, and he’s brilliant at it by your standards, but kissing someone new is so thrilling. Especially when it’s Garreth, who’s not only charismatic and glaringly fit but always so sweet and gentle with you.

Your eyes drift shut as Garreth kisses you deeper. He presses his tongue alongside yours and you taste more Mallowsweet, with a little bit of pumpkin juice.

While you can’t see him, you hear Sebastian stand up from the armchair and take a seat next to you on the couch, his larger form blocking you in and shielding you and Garreth from anyone who might glance your way from the common room.

He rests a hand dangerously high up on your thigh and leans in close to your ear to murmur, “You’re an awful liar when you have a crush, d’you know that?”

You whimper softly and Garreth swallows the sound.

“Don’t worry yourself, love,” Sebastian laughs quietly. “I’m better at sharing than you give me credit for.”

Garreth starts to kiss his way down your chin to your jaw and you tip your head back a little. Sebastian’s right there to drag his hand through your hair to coax you into leaning back even more. You moan softly when you feel the redhead suck a small bruise into your skin.

“What are we doing?” you whisper.

“Having fun,” Sebastian answers cheekily. “It’s a party, we’re allowed to have a little fun.”

“Doesn’t have to be serious,” Garreth chimes in, still pressing wet kisses to your neck. “In fact, it’s usually better if it’s not.”

You scoff and tell him, “That is officially the most Garreth thing I’ve heard you say all evening.”

While you and Sebastian are hopeless fools for each other and have been for ages, Garreth’s reputation is that of a perennial bachelor. He goes on lovely dates, and if the rumor mill is to be believed, he’s an excellent shag. But he genuinely appreciates being single for now, especially so close to graduation.

“W-well, um…” you stutter. “How much fun are we talking about?”

“How much do you want?” Sebastian asks, his hand on your thigh sliding higher underneath the hem of your skirt.

“We haven’t ever – y’know,” you hiss. “With someone.”

Garreth sits back and grins cheekily at you. “I have.”

“That’s not surprising, Weasley, you’re kind of a slag,” Sebastian smirks. “Who was it then?”

“Bit personal, don’t you think, Sallow?” he responds.

“You’ve just had your tongue in my girlfriend’s mouth, I think we’re well past any sort of modesty,” Sebastian counters, and you could not possibly be any redder, you think.

Garreth leans over to the table and lifts his joint to his slightly-swollen lips to take one last long pull before answering.

“Fine, it was Adelaide and Nerida,” he admits ruefully. “Bit of a package deal, those two.”

“You’re foul,” you laugh, but then Garreth slides his hand up your other thigh and suddenly you’ve got two of the most handsome boys in school boxing you in, each with a hand up your skirt. Any thoughts you’d spared for Hogwarts gossip go straight out the window.

“We should, um… Maybe we should go somewhere more private,” you suggest, still keenly aware of the party going on just feet away.

“Everyone’s down here for the party,” Sebastian suggests. “The dorms upstairs have got to be pretty empty right now, wouldn’t you think?”

“Can confirm,” Garreth agrees.

Reluctantly, both boys let you go and you smooth your skirt back down, standing up with wobbly legs. You hadn’t realized before, but the Mallowsweet has firmly taken effect on your system.

“Feeling alright?” Sebastian asks.

“Yes, I… I feel quite good, actually,” you murmur. “Really good.”

“She’s crossed,” Garreth laughs, affection clear in his voice. “Mallowsweet and Firewhiskey, now there’s a dangerous combination.”

“I feel warm,” you tell them. “All over, just warm and relaxed and…”

When you trail off, Sebastian asks knowingly, “Has it got you feeling a bit hot under the collar, love?”

“Yes,” you whine. “Really hot.”

“Sounds like you could use our help to cool you off,” Sebastian suggests. “Shall we?”

“After you, mate,” Garreth laughs.

As Garreth trails the two of you up the stairs to your dorm, you hear Sebastian mumble, “You’re bloody well right, after me.”

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fic #sebastian sallow #garreth weasley #sebastian x reader #sebastian x mc #sebastian x reader x garreth #sebastian x mc x garreth #my fic #if this gets enough interest i can do an E-rated part two but i kept this pg-13 for now #also is seb x mc x garreth the freckles trio??? let's get a name going

[thetriplets3]

15 with matt?

- 🫧

ahh my first emoji anon hi make yourself at home 🏡

☼ beautiful boy ☼

trope: idiots to lovers

Affection isn’t foreign to us. We’re all affectionate people, we’re constantly close to one another, it's just normal for us. Lately, my affection towards and from you feels different than it does with your brothers. Not in a bad way, I can’t explain it, it just feels different.

A simple hand on the shoulder, head against the shoulder, brush against the back, arm draped over the shoulder feels more meaningful when it’s from you. I unconsciously gravitate towards you, being around you brings me such comfort and peace. You’re the first face I look for in any room, the one I want to be there with me when things get hard, the one who is always down for an aimless car ride at odd hours of the night. You’re the first person that comes to my mind, no matter what.

No one was in the mood to do anything or go anywhere so we all agreed on a movie night. Our attention was divided, the movie was more so background noise as we all hung out and messed around on our phones. Nick and Chris are on one side of the couch taking turns showing each other funny tik toks. I was on the other end of the couch, half laying half sitting, mindlessly scrolling through my phone. Looking up from my phone I’m met with your smiling face as you point a drink in my direction, I can’t help but smile back because you brought me one knowing I’d want one soon enough. Gratefully accepting the drink, you place yours on the table and point at the cushion next to me, silently asking if you could sit there. Nodding as I crack open my drink I’m quickly met with your head sideways on my lap as you face the TV. Instinctively, my arm goes to rest on your shoulder. Your left hand makes quick work finding mine, like muscle memory.

I drift in and out of consciousness, clearly long enough for Nick and Chris to finish the movie and retreat to their rooms. Sensing a change in my breathing, you turn your body to face towards me.

“Good to see you enjoyed the movie” you chuckle, knowing I always fall asleep during movies.

“I very much enjoyed it, definitely a top favorite” I joke back.

A comforting silence falls over the dimly lit living room, beautifully illuminating your features. I watch as your eyes dance across my face analyzing every inch of my face, my eyes mirroring your actions. My hand goes to your hair gently brushing it out of your face and raking my hand through your beautiful brown locks. My eyes land on every small feature of yours taking in and remembering their beauty.

Your crystal blue eyes that I could get lost in forever, the lines under your eyes from your messed up sleep schedule, the small scar that graces your face from when Nick burnt you, how pronounced your cheekbones and jaw are, the gentle slope of your nose, and that smile. The smile that makes me feel like everything will be alright, the smile that makes me smile even on my worst days, the smile that belongs to you. You have me entranced.

Your eyes gently close as my fingers work their way across your scalp, relaxing you. “I love moments like this, just you and I, I wish we got to do this more. This makes me happy” you softly whisper.

“I love this too. It brings me peace” I say as a silence falls upon us.

I continue circling my fingers on your scalp massaging it as the other hand brushes the stray hairs from your forehead.

“You’re beautiful Matt” slips off my tongue.

“You’re saying nonsense,” you mutter.

“No I’m serious you are. You’ve got the most beautiful features, the most beautiful personality, the most beautiful smile that makes my heart do backflips, and you have a beautiful soul. There’s something just so comforting about you, you make me feel safe, I see you and I see my home. That’s special, not a lot of people can do that. You’re a beautiful boy, inside and out, anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. I know I am. I love you Matt” I ramble, in awe of you, slightly embarrassed.

“You must’ve read my mind because I was gonna say something similar. I see how you are with Nick and Chris and it’s different than it is with me. I love having you in my arms and close to me, it just feels right. I’m so glad you’re in my life and I hope you’re in it forever. I love you I mean it” you say.

You grab my hand from your head and place a sweet kiss on it. “We should probably go to bed huh?”

I’m barely on my feet for 2 seconds before I’m being thrown over your shoulder and carried to your room, giggling and patting your back along the way. Reaching your bed you plop me on to your soft sheets before making your way to lie next to me. Your hand comes up to my hair to brush the loose hairs away from my face before resting it on my cheek.

“For the longest time now affection with your brothers has felt different than it does with you and I think I know why now. I always hoped your touches meant something else. I uh, I really like you Matt”

“Looks like both of us felt that way then. I really like you too” you say as your eyes dance between mine and my lips, silently asking permission to kiss me.

With a slight nod, sparks fly. “I love you beautiful boy”

Taglist:

@d0wnt0wnstu4n1ol0 @im-a-matt-girl @iluvmatt @stxrniqlo @antisocialties

#🫧 #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #readers pov

[happy-beeeps]

Day 5: Cold

Summary: you and din get stuck in a freezing cave on Hoth, what better time to start unpacking some trauma!

Warnings: discussions of lost, past trauma, pulling away. Hurt/comfort but ultimately fluff!

WC: 1.1k

A/N: heyyyy this is a day late because I worked all my jobs yesterday, it was going to be smut as a “sorry” but then trauma and hurt comfort so I was like hm this feels like a weird place for smut SO just keep your eyes peeled later ;)

You’re not sure exactly when you knew this would be a disaster, but you were kicking yourself for not saying anything earlier.

Din was in one of his moods—had been all morning. In fact, during the cold, biting trek across Hoth he had been even more stoic and quiet than normal. As if it was even possible. He’d been like this; reserved, determined, bitter, since the Jedi had left with Grogu. That had been two weeks ago. Two weeks of aimless wandering, without his foundling, without his creed.

He hadn’t hardly touched you since, save for a small brush of his hand on your skin or a sharp tug when you almost wandered into something sharp. You were reeling from the loss too but, admittedly, he had felt it more.

And so you ended up in moments like this. Stuck in a shallow ice cave on some random spot on Hoth, teeth chattering against the bitter cold, while Din tried to start some sort of fire. All the way, the puck blinked red, on and off. Close enough to pick up on transmission but far enough that you had decided to camp for the night.

“C’mere,” his voice cuts out through the cold air, and he moves just minimally from his spot, opening your view up to the small fire he’s started. “Anyone would be crazy to go out in this blizzard, figure we’re fine to rest here for the night.”

“Crazy like us, right?” You tease, moving to sit near him. When he doesn’t give you the half laugh he’s been giving the last few days you look up, concerned.

His head is in his hands, his shoulders slumped. You almost move to check his pulse if it weren’t for the heavy, ragged breath coming through the modulator. “I’m sorry I’ve done this to us.”

“Din, done what?”

“I’ve put us in danger, put you in danger. I should’ve known the blizzard would’ve been too much, we could’ve found an outpost or something.”

“This is nothing, we’ve got our packs, we’ll be fine, remember when we first started traveling together, and I started gambling with that guy on Kijimi-“

“This is nothing like Kijimi.”

Your eyebrows cock up and you move to put a hand on his shoulder, “how is this not like Kijimi?”

“Because I was able to protect you, to protect our family, on Kijimi.”

Ah. There it is. The words he hasn’t spoken for weeks are finally slipping through, and all you can do is hold his back and press your head to his shoulder. “Grogu leaving us has nothing to do with you not being able to protect him.”

“But he wouldn’t have fallen into Gideon’s ship in the first place if I had.”

“And the Jedi would have found him anyways. Din, you’ve lost so much. You can’t let all of this fall on you.”

It’s his turn now to attempt to joke and he sighs, lifting up his helmet and discarding it on the ground. “Watch me.” He’s smirking, but the joke doesn’t make it to his eyes, heavy with an emotion akin to sadness.

“There you are,” you move, cupping his cheeks with your hands. You’re envious of the thin layer of sweat that’s on his face, remembering how warm his helmet has been the few times you’ve had it on. “You can’t keep holding this all by yourself. Your family is bigger than Grogu.”

“It’s also the covert,” he starts and you move up on your knees to press a kiss to his forehead. He closes his eyes at your touch immediately.

“It’s also me.”

The two of you sit in a comfortable silence after that for a while, not wanting to break the bubble of peace you’ve found for a brief moment. It works, Din relaxes a bit against your touch, his breathing finding its way to your neck and his lips pressing themselves against the juncture of your jaw. “Don’t deserve you sweet girl.”

You shake your head softly, fidgeting against his arms to face him, “you deserve all the softness and sweetness this world can give you. And then some.”

The kiss he responds with is gentle, longing, and you lap it up instantly. He’s warm and soft against your lips, and the two of you take turns breathing life back into one another. He nips at your bottom lip for a moment, then settles on pulling back and just sitting there for a moment, breath softly fanning across your cheeks. You don’t move to initiate more. He’ll come back fully in his own time. For now you just breathe him in, feel the taste of his lips on yours, and just exist.

He pulls back after another moment, and moves towards the pack he’s been carrying. You’re bundled up in your (and his) thickest winter gear, so while you’re bitterly cold, you don’t think you’re at risk of losing a limb. You hope Din would be able to at least sense that. You watch as he pulls a blanket from the pack, laying it down against the snow covered ground, near enough to fire for warmth but not quite close enough that you’d be at risk of hurting yourself, as you are want to do.

He fishes another, thicker blanket from the bag and motions you towards the pile, opening his arms to you. You move to happily claim your spot tucked in his side right below his neck, but he pauses, reaches and passes you his helmet.

“It’ll keep you warm.”

Your mouth opens and closes like a fish in response, and he rolls his eyes before unceremoniously plopping it on your head.

“Lose heat fastest through your head and your feet.”

“But… it’s your helmet.” Your voice comes through modulated and even, it hides the small cracks from the sheer sentiment of the gesture.

“I don’t think I can be made an apostate twice.” Again, the joking smile returns, and again does not make its way up to his eyes.

You relent, and spend the rest of the night against his arm, tucked in warm thanks to the helmet and the blankets. You drift off into an easy sleep, filled with dreams of the two of you, the Razor Crest, and a little green baby.

When you awake the next morning, his helmet is back on, and the light is blinding off the ice walls of the cave. You’ve both survived (limbs in tact) and the whole world seems brighter. Perhaps Din notices it to, as he helps you up and holds you for just a moment longer. You look straight past the dark T of his visor as if to look in his eyes, and press a hand to his cheek. You can’t see his eyes close against your touch but you know they do, the two of you united as you step out into the bright, cold air.

#star wars #the mandalorian #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin imagine #the mandalorian x reader #sw imagine #dincember 2023

[dollypopup]

i don't talk nearly enough about how great Colin is

-excellent fencer, clearly dedicated to it. great taste in puffy shirts 10/10

-brave af!!!! idk about you, but the very idea of being out at sea for several months pretty much w/ no one who knows me scares the soul out of me. bruh is out here on a ship headed to a completely unfamiliar place w/ not one shred of fear

-he's such a good brother? the way he supported Benny was so sweet? and all his little quips with Eloise? they are the sarcastic siblings for SURE. boxing with Greg? playing hoops w/ Hyacinthe? his 'I'm clearly Daphne's favorite'? i adore him

-calling Anthony an ass in defense of Marina was ICONIC

-let's be honest, he was a real one w/ Marina all around. boi was out here defending her left right and center. and that scene where they go 'That's a. . .rather long engagement. . .' 'Or simply romantic! :D ' was adorable. then his 'Why does anyone, marry, Brother? For love.' line? so earnest! heart in his hands!!! and even after it all went kaboom he didn't say a bad word about her. told her he would still have married her if she just told him and he meant it. said that with his whole chest, too. got a reality check from her when he visited and then when asked STILL said 'we could have done more for her' KING 👏 SHIT. may we all have an ex that respects us this much

-canonically the best dancer out of the Bridgerbunch

-loves his mum with all his heart and soul. that scene where he's walking her up the stairs and they're joking around is so wholesome. that scene where Violet is looking for someone to escort her and A and B all flee the scene but Colin steps up? our boy is so sweet

-his scene w/ Jack where he's all puffed up and imposing and tall af going 'how dare you take advantage of them??? fix this shit, NOW' and then turning around and bashfully going 'i rehearsed that speech for hours' when he and Pen could talk privately again WAS ADORABLE, don't even TRY to deny it

-multitalented! our boy can do it all: he sings! he dances! he writes! he drinks his respect women juice on the daily! he fences! he's fluent in sarcasm! he rides horseback! he has anxiety! he's a flirt! he can't stop snacking! are you not entertained?

-also his scene w/ Will where he's like 'no, i fucked up, i insulted you and i messed with your business. i'm sorry and i'm making it right' was sexy as hell. he didn't have to, he could have totally just let it slide under the rug, but he took accountability and made amends

-speaking of sexy: our little rule breaker! holds Penelope's hands in front of everybodyyyy! no glove no love, who? writes her (love) letters while he travels! doesn't give a fuck about propriety! does drugs! I LOVE HIM

-so much integrity. when he messes up he takes full responsibility for it. he's nice as hell to Phillip, encourages his interests, nerds out with him. Stuck his whole neck out for Pen the Featheringtons. 'Do you think I would care that she loved someone else before? That would make me a hypocrite' apologizing to Pen before leaving for his tour. telling her she inspires him. is always there to escort his mum. everything good.

-lost and aimless, my beloved. he's just a dweeb putting on a front and it's so wonderfully relatable

-i love his hero complex. yeah, i said it!!! Dancing with Pen after Cressida spills the drink? HOT. Getting Marina away from the old dude clearly making her uncomfortable? HOT. Standing up to Jack? HOT. Getting Kate and Anthony to trudge along after that Pal Mall game? HOT. Daphne coming to him in the middle of the night demanding to know about the duel and him getting on a horse and heading out with her? HOT.

-he's sarcastic as hell. 'She likes me MUCH better than you, Benedict' 'Maybe he's still at the altar waiting for Miss Edwina' 'Of course not, you are *clearly* sober', Anthony: 'I wish to apologize' 'Are there locusts in the streets??? Blood in the Thames? Is the end of days upon us already?????' 'our host looks a bit fussy. do you think if he goes to bed we all have to leave?' and, of course 'Have you ever visited a farm?'

-he's just a lil shit w/ a heart of gold, how can you not love him?

#colin bridgerton #polin #bridgerton #marina thompson #penelope featherington #he's my favorite and i have no regrets #what a darling