#regardless of what form it takes!!! they could grow to think of each other like brothers in an au like this if u so desire too!! which i | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

idyllic-affections · 3 months

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little colt.

summary. xianyun cannot help but take in another child. perhaps, in the future, they may become a disciple of hers.

trigger & content warnings. none applicable.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, found family-ish. xianyun & child!reader. 2k words. they/them pronouns for reader. prev | next.

author's thoughts. bird mom propaganda RAHHHHHH btw if you find a typo no you didn't i'm sleepy but i wanted to post this........

Cloud Retainer has taken on many disciples in her time, and she has loved each and every one as if they were her own.

It was, therefore, quite unlikely that she woukd cease to take on disciples anytime within the forseeable future. Her love was extensive, far beyond what most mortals would be able to comprehend, and her capacity for intimate and tight bonds was even moreso. She has taken on many disciples over the years, and she has loved them all like her own children.

Perhaps it could be attributed to her adeptal instincts; she can recall many a time during which her fellow adepti, upon bonding closely with another being, became exceedingly protective of them. It was only natural—adepti lived for so long and were often affected by their more nonhuman instincts. It wouldn't be improbable to imagine that the need to bond with other beings would grow strong over so many years.

...Then again, it could always simply be attributed to her. In her mind, there was little need for any such justification like 'instincts.' She could scoff at the idea—she was no mere animal. 'Instincts' could not begin to fully explain the depth of her love and care; it was surely infinitely more complicated than the mere maternal urges that a simple crane, a wild animal, might have. She was infinitely more intricate and convoluted than an uncomplicated bird.

(That, however, did not change the fact that she did tend to have bird-like habits. Preening, nesting in her own way... She preferred not to bring attention to that fact, however.)

Regardless of the reason, the truth was that she was lonely, even if she vehemently denied it whenever someone brought up the idea. Mt. Aocang was... quiet, dreadfully so without the constant presence of Ganyu or Shenhe or any of her other disciples. She enjoyed the silence to an extent, but she could only entertain herself for so long without another being to share her knowledge with. Liyue Harbor was far more lively. Loud and chaotic at times, perhaps, but far less lonely than the empty nest that her adeptal abode had become.

Maybe that was why she was so immediately invested in the little one who had accidentially bumped into her and was now apologizing profusely.

"I'm— I'm so sorry, miss! I wasn't watching where I was going! I really didn't mean it, I..."

'What a swift little thing,' she couldn't help but muse. She'd hardly even spotted them rushing her way before they tumbled into her legs. Their body weight wasn't even enough to make her stumble—if anything, they were the one that ended up getting thrown off balance. It was cute how small they were compared to her, really; it reminded her of Shenhe when she was a child, or even her current disciple, Shuyu.

Ah... but she shouldn't be so quick to think fondly of them. No, surely this little one had parents of their own—a life of their own—to return to. She did not even know their name. No. Bonds should not be so quick to form.

With elegant, poised grace akin to a gentle breeze rustling a tree's leaves, she knelt down, the motion putting an end to their sheepish yet hurried apologies. Glossy, innocent eyes stared up at her—even kneeling, Xianyun was still a bit taller than they were—with an amount of awe that would've made her feathers puff out in pride had she been in her illuminated beast form. She was not one to grow embarrassed at admiration, after all.

"Where are your caregivers, child?"

"Oh. Um." Their brows furrowed slightly. "...I don't know, actually."

"Ah, are you lost? Come, then. One— Ahem. I shall reuinte you with them. I am certain they must be quite frantic in your absence."

Before she could rise and offer her clawed hand to them, they urgently shook their head.

"Oh, no! It's not like that, miss. Even if it was, I wouldn't want to trouble you at all! I would find my way back!" they insisted politely, waving their hands in front of their body as if to dismiss her concerns (though, Xianyun hardly thought it would be "troubling"; she was a bit surprised that they felt it so, or perhaps they were really just trying to be polite). It was then that she noticed the little wooden chick held carefully in one of their hands, but she did not yet have the opportunity to inquire about it. "I've been on my own for as long as I can remember, that's all."

Oh?

Oh.

"Hm. Is that so?"

"Uh-huh."

"In that case, child, I—"

A man rounding the corner and immediately prevented her from finishing her sentence. He was very clearly furious, approaching the child with such fervent determination that Xianyun could not help but wonder what nature of a troublemaker she must have encountered. Though... she really did not see them that way, which only made her infintely more curious about rhe situation at hand.

Their expression seemed to fall.

"You, kid!" he shouted, stopping just a foot or two away from them. "You can't just go around stealing whatever you please! Who raised you?!"

"No, I..." They could not meet his gaze. "I was gonna bring back more mora to make up for it when I could, I just—!"

"Don't give me excuses. I want the toy you've stolen returned, you understand? Hand it over!"

Xianyun sighed, adjusting her glasses.

"Enough," she said, rising to her feet. "How much mora will suffice? For reparations, of course."

"Rep— reparations?" the man stuttered, then sighed. "No, no... look. You're the mom? Just teach your kid not to go around stealing. The toy's not worth much, but a kid who starts stealing this young will take far more important things in the future. So, teach 'em not to do it."

Hiding behind Xianyun's legs, they couldn't help but stare upwards in wonderment. His attitude flipped completely when faced with a woman so much taller than he was, and with an air surrounding her that demanded such an impossible amount of respect. They honestly could not blame him for such an attitude change; they would too, they thought, if they were faced with someone like her.

"Very well. You have my apologies on their behalf." She turned on her heel, holding out her hand to them. "Let us go, little colt."

Colt?

Bewildered but nonetheless beyond awestruck with this strange yet kind woman, they nodded, wordlessly placing their freehand in hers. Her sharp, hooked nails dug slightly into their skin; somehow, though, they couldn't be bothered to care. It didn't hurt much. On the contrary, it was oddly comforting.

The walk was silent for a few moments, but then, Xianyun's voice demanded their attention:

"You should pay quite the mind to your behavior in the future. Theivery is a significant offense in a land such as this—a land that regards contracts with the highest of respect. Had I withheld my intervention, it may very well have ended far worse."

"I really didn't mean to," they whispered, little tears building up in the corners of their eyes. Even though she was someone they had only just met a few moments ago, disappointing her seemed... unbearable. Angering her would have been more tolerable. "Um... steal, that is. I didn't mean it. I just thought it looked really cool. I left whatever mora I had on me to pay for it, and I was going to try and get more so I could pay him the right amount... I swear I wasn't going to just run away with it..."

She hummed. "Regardless of your intent, I will see to it that you do not do such a thing again."

"Hu— huh? You will?"

She scoffed. "Of course. Surely you did not expect me to abandon you on the side of the street again? As an elder, it is only right that I watch over little ones such as yourself, and little ones should not be cruelly left to fend for themselves."

The tears on their lashes had dried by now. They even offered her a smile, giggling as they said, "Elder? I don't think you're old."

"Oh? And what, pray tell, has led you to such a bold conclusion, hm?"

"Well... you! You look very young, miss! I think elder women are very pretty too, but you look... young pretty? Um... what's the word again..?"

"Youthful, perhaps?"

"Yeah! Youthful!"

As they rambled on animatedly, clutching the wooden bird to their chest, Xianyun's lips quirked upwards into an amused smile.

It, of course, went unnoticed by them.

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

In the few days that had passed since Xianyun welcomed little [Name]—they had bashfully introduced themselves to her in the middle of their rambling once they recalled that she didn't even know their name, and she returned the sentiment with greater confidence—into her home, she had put together a few simple toys for them to amuse themselves with.

She was an inventor at heart. Even though these designs were not entirely her own, she made them hers with unique additions and more efficient features... of course, all while doing her best to keep the toys simple. They were for a child, after all. Mechanics, Xianyun's mechanics, were complicated enough for adults to understand as it was—a child would surely have even less of a capacity to grasp something too complicated, and her efforts would therefore have been wasted.

...But oh, how terribly wrong she now understood herself to be.

Quietly and motionlessly, as to avoid drawing their attention, she watched with the growing warmth of fondness and excitement in her chest as the young one she took in meticulously pried open the toys she handcrafted.

They were humming to themselves, gingerly laying out the parts in an organized manner so that nothing got lost or mixed. She was beyond impressed with the careful thought they had blatantly put into keeping track of everything; Xianyun was certain that most children would lose a small part or two, but as she surveyed their layout, she noted that every single piece—big or small, hard to overlook or easy to lose—was accounted for.

Childish forgetfulness wasn't an inherently bad thing. In fact, it was quite amusing and endearing to those such as herself who had lived for so many millennia.

However, she was infinitely more endeared by their sheer mindfulness.

Their sharp gasp snapped her from her internal musings.

"Oh— Miss... Miss Xianyun! I'm sorry, I—" They stumbled over their words, and they froze up somewhat. It was as if they wanted to hide what they had done but ultimately decided against it; she had clearly already spotted them, and they did not want to risk mixing up all the parts. "Miss Xianyun, I'm so sorry, I— I wasn't trying to destroy them, I just—"

"—wanted to understand their internal workings, yes?"

Their eyes went wide with that same wonderment they had displayed towards her a few days prior. "How... how did you know?"

She almost laughed at their cluelessness. "You have taken them apart with the care and delicacy quite unusual for one of your age. This, one surmises, is only because you sought to sate your curiosity regarding these simple mechanisms and their internal functions."

The grace with which she carried herself never failed to leave them in astonished silence. Xianyun hummed, sweeping them up into her arms as if they weighed no more than a feather (her utter, raw strength was another astounding feat in their young mind; she was so unimaginably admirable in a multiplicity of ways to them). Then, with steady caution, she kneeled to the floor and situated them comfortably in her lap.

"Allow one to introduce you, little colt, to the basics of mechanics."

Xianyun, they concluded, was an odd but genuinely kind woman.

Though her manner of speech was sometimes strange and formal, and her grace seemed otherworldly in its nature, and her strength was assuredly not a feat that just anyone could achieve...

She was tender. She was kind. She cared.

Perhaps the world was not always so kind, but despite that knowledge, they had never felt safer than where they were now.

please consder reblogging with a kind tag or comment, it helps me out quite a lot! mama xianyun series taglist: @zeldadou, @starryshinyskies, @soleillunne, @lillonvia, @nervocat, @dragon-type-nuggetz, @starlit-dianthus. contact me non-anonymously to be added.

#aphelion writes 🌸#astronetwrk #platonic genshin x reader #platonic genshin impact #platonic genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x child reader #platonic x reader #platonic genshin #genshin child reader #genshin platonic #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x child reader #genshin impact x you #xianyun x reader #cloud retainer x reader

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bunnysbrainrot · 7 months

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Research

Kinktober Prompt: Thigh riding

Relationship: Sam Winchester x Reader

Content: Explicit sexual content, dry humping, degradation, some praise, (basically) PWP, a LOT of dirty talk about breeding and other filthy things.

Summary: Sam is busy when you need him most, and you’ll take whatever you can to get satisfied.

A/N: Sorry for the delay in fanfics, you guys! Work has been busy, and I’ve been working on a few pieces at the same time! Another fic will be out very soon, and it’ll be far longer, and far dirtier. Keep an eye out for ‘Guessing Game’.

Tap, tap, tap. Clack clack clack.

Sam’s fingers flew over the keyboard as he researched, with you waiting at his side as he flitted through document after document, barely saying a word. He had been at this for hours, and despite your flirtations and soft touches to his neck and shoulders, Sam didn’t stray away from his work.

But something between your legs couldn’t be ignored. A deep well of aching desire made its home in your tummy, unshakable and persistent. You needed Sam, and you needed him now.

“Saaaam,” you sing-song to him, leaning down toward his ear. You take his earlobe between your teeth and nibble softly at the delicate skin. Sam shifts in his seat and releases a long-held sigh.

Sam tilts hit head to meet your eyes, and smiles, “What is it, sweetheart?”

His tone is soft and suggestive, but he doesn’t give into your kisses like he normally does. You lean into his strong form, settling against him as you bat your lashes at him, pleading.

“Could you take a break for a few minutes?”

To your disdain, Sam shakes his head at your questions. “Baby, I gotta get this research done before Dean gets back tonight. I promise you, we’ll have plenty of time to have fun later, ‘kay?”

You whine, kissing his neck softly. You brought a leg between both of his and settle onto his leg.

“But pleeeease,” you grip at his shoulders, arching yourself into his body. Sam looks to you, a rich affection in his eyes, scanning over you as you writhed on him.

Sam frees a hand to find your hip, pulling you along his leg. You take it in stride and start to flow your hips on his thigh. The friction between your clothes presses against your clit harshly enough for you to cry out, but the slickness between your folds softens the blows.

It takes all of Sam’s willpower to not slam his laptop shut and change the task at hand. But this research did need to be done by the end of the night for this case, there was very little wiggle room. Until that’s done, you would have to take care of these needs on your own.

“Honey-“ Sam starts, “you can’t just wait a few hours?”

You bury your face in his chest and shake it to tell him ‘no’, because you can hardly wait long enough. And if you stop now, all you’ll be able to think about is the lack of pleasure in those boring hours.

Sam’s laugh reverberates through his chest against your ears. He holds you steady with one hand regardless of his research, spreading those beautifully sculpted fingers across the top of your ass.

You buck your hips on his leg eagerly, a pitiful movement to bring some relieving pleasure to your pussy. Sam groans softly - he can feel the warmth radiating between your thighs, pressing into his thigh as you keep softly below him.

“That’s a good girl,” he whispers, his breath rushing over the shell of your ear, “Get yourself off, sweetheart. That’s it…”

His voice makes you whine louder this time, and your movements quicken. Against the side of your knee you can feel Sam’s pants strain against a growing erection. You bring a hand to his cock, palming him through his jeans while you continue to buck your hips.

“Sammy, I need more,” you sigh.

Sam replies, “I guess you’ll have to be patient, then.”

Your groan makes him smile with satisfaction - teasing you like this, making you work for it, making you beg, was Sam’s favorite part. He listens carefully to your desperate whimpers, each one making sitting still rather difficult. His cock presses against his pants to the edge of discomfort, straining to break free and sink into your right pussy. It would be so easy, too, with Dean gone.

“Still at it, hm? Grind that little pussy against my leg, get yourself off, dirty girl.”

His words rattle through you, sending another wave of heat to your soaked pussy, clenching desperately around nothing. Hell, even a finger-

Sam’s words still you, then keep you going at a harsher pace. “Such a needy little slut - you just can’t wait, can you?”

You let out a breathy whine against the crook of his neck, still stroking Sam’s cock across his jeans. The pressure against your clit isn’t much to work with, but it’s something. You continue to grind until your hips protested with soreness, but you persisted.

“Just imagine,” he breathes, “my cock buried inside, stretching you out, stuffing you nice and full. Fuck, and the way I would fill you up ‘til you’re leaking. You’d be sore for days.”

A gasp leaves you as you push yourself closer to the edge, each push of your hips sends a dull, radiating pleasure through your sex. Your slick gives you an advantage to quicken your pace, furiously grinding into your boyfriend’s thigh.

“I’d watch my cum spilling out of you, but I’d fuck it right back inside, make you keep it in there for me. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, baby?”

You cry into his shoulder as you continue. His words were torturous and unrelenting, egging you on to the point of tears. This denial of anything substantial hardly ever happened, and it felt pathetic to resort to this to get yourself off, but it had been driving Sam wild this whole time.

He, in fact, hadn’t been focused on his research. You hadn’t looked up to see the distraction in his eyes, skittering between your eager humping and the laptop screen.

“And you would do such a good job, you’d take every inch while I stretch your pussy out. I wouldn’t stop until you begged me to, I would keep fucking you until I was drained, and you were filled to the brim with cum.” His words kept your mind busy on the image, as fresh as a morning dream.

The tightness in your belly eventually peaked - at home, this would’ve been over in a matter of seconds, with Sam’s masterful fingers and thick cock. Your first orgasm was an uphill battle of getting the right rhythm and pressure.

Sam kept muttering lowly into your ear, shaping his words into a blueprint for you to follow.

“I would make you watch it. You’d see what I see, how this big, thick cock spreads your little pussy wide open. And you wouldn��t say anything about it, either, ‘cause you’re a depraved little slut.”

He delivers a harsh slap to your ass, making you yelp, “Before I finish, I would pull out. Your little pussy would be gaping with how hard I fucked you, and I’d jack myself off until I came, right into that stretched-out cunt.”

You breathe shakily into his neck as your climax builds, slow and aching and deliciously filthy, with how easily his words encourage you.

“I’d wait until you weren’t expecting more, moaning and shaking, and I would fuck it right back into you again.”

The band in your tummy snapped, finally letting your orgasm wash over you with blinding ecstasy. Sam didn’t stop talking you through your high, and the shockwaves that followed.

Sam spoke lowly, “A perfect little cumslut, ready to take anything I give you. You’d be so messy - my cum would leak out of your pussy and into your panties.”

Another slap to your ass, another help from you as you kept grinding, “Bet you wouldn’t have a problem with it, either, would you? You’d get to keep my cum all to yourself - greedy slut.”

It’s all meant for him. Your body, every square inch. Your soul, down to its deepest core. It was all for Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam.

“Sam,” you sigh, threading your fingers through his hair. It was all you could muster amidst the flurry of thoughts that went through you, taking you over, body and soul.

He hums happily as you breathe his name, like a plea for more, an invitation to do all of those dirty things he whispered into your ear, each comment filthier than the last.

You pant as you come down from your high, now slightly bucking your hips. “You’re just mean.”

Sam laughs heartily, and it shudders through his chest into yours, releasing warmth through your body. His hand reaches up to your hair, carding his fingers gently through and massaging your scalp.

“Yet, you’d be begging for those exact things.”

Sitting up fully, you glare at him with a full pout. There was no objection, because it was true. Sam notices a shift of the glint in your eyes as you look between him and the laptop, still on the same documents as when you started. He still hasn’t gotten any work done, after all.

“You still have to wait,” Sam warned, patting your ass softly. You prod his chest harshly, making him grimace with discomfort. “If you’re not patient, it’s not gonna be any better for you.”

You quickly stop and look at him again, sighing dramatically. He cocks an eyebrow and a smile creeps onto his lips.

“I know, life is so hard,” he counters sarcastically.

Hi! I’m sorry this was a little shorter than the others, but this method helps limit my burnout. This way, I can commit myself fully to the bigger fanfics, and make them as good as possible for you guys!

ilysm

-Bunny

#fanfiction #supernatural #spnfandom #spn #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural smut #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester smut #sam winchester #bunny writes #kinktober

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radiance1 · 9 months

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A Dp x Dc idea that isn't Danny-centric!? Say it ain't so!

So I think that this'll be a relatively short one but anywho.

Pariah Dark forcing the entirety of Amity Park into the ghost zone did not come without consequences, even with the ghost shield the Fenton's put over the town.

Said consequences come in the form of the entire basically becoming a ghost portal in and of itself. It mostly happened slowly over time, with the town experiencing quakes that spread quakes that lead to the Ghost Zone.

Everyone had to evacuate when it got really bad, well, mostly everyone. You see, Sam didn't want to leave Amity Park at all so he tried to find ways to convince her parents to let her stay even if said city was basically crumbling.

Then she had an idea.

What if she became one of Undergrowths allogenes? (taken from genshin impact)

So she persuaded (read: bullied) Danny into taking her to him so they could make a deal and let her stay in Amity. Undergrowth was surprisingly accommodating to the both of them, what with Danny becoming the new Ghost Prince and Sam already leaving a good impression on him.

He gave her a task, take this seed and place it within the middle of Amity Park and watch over it until it fully grows, then, and only then, will he accept her as one of his allogenes.

So Sam very obviously took said seed, said yes, and went to plant it.

The center of Amity Park was basically a giant ghost portal, it was small, at first. But with each and every quake it expanded and expanded until it couldn't be ignored anymore, so after Danny and Sam got back and went to it, Sam just dropped the seed in the middle of it and watched it sink.

Luckily Overgrowth gave her a proper method she should follow to ensure its growth, at the very least.

It took 4 years for the seed to grow, 4 years of relative isolation for Sam. Danny was usually busy with High Prince duties, what with being summoned and the likes, while Tucker was busy with taking over the outside world.

They still made time for her however.

When it grew Undergrowth gave her praise, not many would willingly keep themselves in isolation to grow an interdimensional seed from the other world. Such, he made do on his promise and gave Sam a portion of his powers, turning her into one of his allogenes.

He did however tell her that she was only Allogene he's ever had in multiple eons. Some of them chose to reenter the reincarnation cycle, while others sacrificed themselves for the greater good and such, some of them among the living are still alive, however, so they should be at least, vaguely aware of her existence.

Sam trained her new powers, familiarizing herself with them until it was as easy as breathing, which took a few months of non-stop training. Thankfully her new stamina is leaps beyond that of her previous human self. Eventually, she was even able to create a few lotus' that acted mostly as transport around the giant ghost portal.

Oh yea, did I mention that the Ghost Portal expanded enough to take over all of Amity Park? Well, a few buildings here and there stilled survived, mostly like small islands but still.

So Sam was living a pretty fine life, all things considered. Her days were very peaceful, tending to a few plants here and there, taking care of the giant tree that sprouted from the seed she grew, training her powers and talking to Danny and Tucker whenever they dropped by.

It was repetitive, but a nice one.

Then her daily cycle was interrupted by people claiming to be the Justice League, and she honestly did not have a clue as to who they are. She didn't really keep up with the news after planting the seed, or the outside world at all for that matter, the only one she regularly kept in contact with was Tucker.

She thought back on, and Tucker did mention them once or twice. Mostly painting them as irritating individuals yet worthy of respect, not that she knew why but she wasn't going to just let them step in here regardless. It's pretty rude to just step into someone's home without permission, no?

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #sam manson #undergrowth #tucker foley #ghost prince danny phantom #the justice league #Sam became one of Undergrowth's Allogenes because she didn't want to leave Amity park #Said city became a few floating mini islands in a ghost portal #Ngl my first thought was to have this idea be something to do with the league of Assassins coming to check out what they believed to be a #Giant Lazarus Pit only to find it wasn't that but a portal to the land of the dead #But I decided not to do that #So have this instead!

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creative-crybaby · 1 year

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Fly on the Wall

PAIRING: yan!timeskip!Sakusa Kiyoomi x fem!reader

GENRE: smut | dark content (18+)

Minors DNI

TAGS + WARNINGS: yandere themes, noncon, stalking, somnophilia, semi-public masturbation (m), nipple play, fingering (with leather gloves), dacryphilia, cum eating, creampie, size kink, breaking and entering, panty stealing, basically Sakusa is a perv

Let me know if I missed anything.

WORD COUNT: 8.7k

SUMMARY: The new Black Jackal’s manager catches Sakusa’s eye. Unfortunately, whatever distance, physical or otherwise, is between you two, is too far for his liking. All characters are 18+

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Not meant to be a Christmas gift, but my timing does wonders, I guess :/

The Black Jackals getting a manager didn’t excite him the way it did his teammates. The idea itself didn’t bring him dread, of course, but the knowledge that certain players may get distracted–or worse: rowdier–brought more stress to him than he’d appreciate.

Bokuto and Hinata were already babbling on to each other about what you might be like, reminiscing their high school days when they both had two managers on their respective teams. Atsumu joined in, whining that Inarizaki wasn’t as lucky to have a girl manager, let alone two attractive ones. He also bet that you’d be cute—Sakusa could only roll his eyes at the exchange.

You carried yourself with a grace often unfound in volleyball when meeting the team, offering a polite smile as you introduced yourself. Even when bombarded with questions from the boisterous ones (you know the ones), you didn’t falter, even assuring Meian that you didn’t mind the energy: “It’s nice to know I’ll be supporting a passionate team.”

Pretty, Sakusa thinks. You didn’t blow him away, but it was enough for him to acknowledge upon first laying eyes on you. Even he found himself momentarily frozen when you two made brief eye contact.

Regardless, you’re not here for a modelling contract; you’re here to help the team grow to its full potential. The wing spiker may not be praying for your downfall, but he certainly isn’t going to celebrate your arrival too soon, either.

Anyone can refill water bottles and hand out clean towels to sweaty giants. The same goes for taking notes on their progress, especially since you should know how volleyball works. From what Sakusa has observed, you do more than well in that department, too, always ready to correct someone’s form or have a report prepared for Meian in no time. You’re organized, punctual; it helps that you also sprinkle in some encouraging words when necessary. (Certain members are more than happy to gain that praise, which means more headaches on the ravenette’s end.)

It doesn’t take long for you to get him to accept you into the team—in his own way. He doesn’t avoid you like the plague, per se; he merely never saw any reason to put in as much effort to get to know you the way someone like Bokuto or Atsumu would. He was just glad to have one more person to give him some proper feedback.

That distance Sakusa created is seemingly one-sided. There’s no special occasion, either: it was after a practice that partook a few days after a game against the Tachibana Red Falcons. A close match where the Black Jackals managed to pull through, though that wasn’t precisely what consumed the wing spiker’s thoughts at the time. You handed him a neatly folded towel during the athletes’ break, and he nods his thanks. You stay before him, and he peers up at you curiously after wiping his face. Stretching your hand to him, you carry a mini hand sanitizer pack. Nothing special: it’s a standard bottle in a dark red and attachable case.

“Noticed you weren’t a fan of the gifts from some of your fans and would look grossed out when a kid would touch you,” you explain, offering a small smile. “Hope you don’t already have one of these. This was the only normal-looking one I could find. Wasn’t sure how you’d feel about having a giraffe case dangling from your bag.”

You offer a sheepish laugh that Sakusa would refuse to admit is something he’d want to hear again. Not wanting to leave you hanging any longer than he already has, he takes your gift, eventually muttering his thanks.

It’s like a boy clinging onto that one compliment he got a few years back because it’s all he received. A rational voice in his head dismisses your observation as something someone on the team probably mentioned to you—maybe Atsumu made a joke about him being a germaphobe, and you took it seriously.

Still, that’s not a possibility the wing spiker wants to entertain. Not as he goes on with the rest of practice, not when he’s in the changeroom, not when he’s attaching that case to his gym bag, not when he gets home, and certainly not when he goes to bed that night. A small gesture, one probably wouldn’t overthink, lingers in his thoughts until Occasion #2 appears.

Coming back from an away game is one of the few opportunities the volleyball players get to recharge. After packing everything into the bus, each member sits in their unassigned-assigned seat. Or, at least, most of them would. Some chose to sit wherever it was convenient for them: they wanted to carry on their conversation with one of their teammates or maybe get some shut-eye. Sakusa was the latter, opting for a window seat far away from his boisterous colleagues as possible. Ready to close his eyes, he only got a few seconds of relaxation before he sensed some shifting next to him. With furrowed brows, he opens his eyes, ready to tell Atsumu off (let’s be honest, it’s always Atsumu), only to find you making yourself comfortable in the spot next to his instead.

You turn to him somewhat sheepishly. “Hope you don’t mind. I wanted to get some rest, and you’re pretty quiet, so I figured having you as my seating buddy was my best shot.”

You don’t say anything afterwards, waiting for him to tell you to leave him alone. To his surprise (and yours, he’s sure), the wing spiker mumbles a stoic “Go ahead,” his eyes trailing towards the window as he readjusts his mask. Even with his gaze no longer on you, he could hear the smile in your voice as you thank him.

For the next several hours, Sakusa remained awake, thinking about everything and nothing all at once as he’d glance over to your sleeping form every few minutes. Even people like Bokuto and Hinata lost enough energy to fall asleep, but the ravenette didn’t notice. If anything, his entire world dissolved into nothingness as soon as your frame unconsciously leaned on his shoulder. His whole body froze, but surprisingly, not out of disgust. Awkward, perhaps, but he didn’t feel the need to wake you up, let alone push you away.

His senses heightened. With you so much closer, his eyes scanned every detail your face had to offer, every reaction you had in your sleep, from stirring after hitting a speedbump to sighing whenever Saksua dared to take a breath too deep. Speaking of breathing, even with yours being so shallow, he can hear the steady rhythm loud and clear, despite Bokuto’s snoring somewhere in the distance. Your scent attacked his nose, even with the mask shielding most of his face, and he can at least admit to himself that it was refreshing to smell something that wasn’t a bunch of sweaty athletes. It’s just your head on his shoulder, but the ravenette felt you burning your mark into his skin, one he didn’t ever want to wash off. Every sense except for taste—

A speed bump. The last thought retreated as fast as it invaded. The remaining hour and a half to return home flew by with his guilt as a distraction. Even when Atsumu woke up and teased the wing spiker for trying to get close to you, Sakusa didn’t feel the need to reply. He merely looked down at your still-sleeping form for several seconds more before eventually trying to wake you up. He’d rather he didn’t, but something about others seeing you in such a vulnerable state irked him in a way he can only describe as filthy. No amount of water and hand soap can scrub away that dirt, but as soon as your eyes opened and met his before anyone else’s, that itch got scratched. He didn’t register your profuse apologies until a couple of other teammates decided to join in on the teasing, and suddenly Sakusa found his voice.

“It’s fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. And it still isn’t. Maybe you forgot about it or saw that moment as a funny story to share over drinks with friends, but it’s different for the wing spiker. He knows it shouldn’t be, yet here he is, replaying every minor interaction between the two of you. There was a reason for him keeping his distance from you when you first started: you both stick to your tasks during practice and games, only interacting when progress and strategy are the focus. Otherwise, the athlete is back in whatever vacant corner he can find, shrinking his almost 6’’4 frame as much as he can in hopes that he can avoid possible interactions. (And if that means he gets to watch you laugh at something Atsumu said or go over strategy with Meian, then those times in his hiding spot have come with new benefits.)

But he’s not in a corner right now: he’s at Onigiri Miya with his team and EJP Raijin, eyes boring into your frame as his cousin says something he doesn’t quite catch.

The ravenette hums. “What was that?”

“Your new manager’s pretty cute and all,” Komori starts, not too loudly for others to hear, “but if you keep staring at her, you’re going to look like some creep.” Sakusa’s head snaps to the libero, who sheepishly smiles as he scratches the back of his neck. “I mean, I get that you were never all that good with girls, but even you should know this stuff by now.”

The wing spiker scoffs at his cousin’s joke, opting to take a bite out of his onigiri instead of replying. You’re listening to whatever story the blonde Miya twin has to share, laughing whenever the younger one butts in with commentary to embarrass the former. Now you watch in amusement as the two lookalikes bicker, and it makes Sakusa realize something: besides the few moments he recalls oh-so fondly, you don’t interact with each other much outside of volleyball.

He glides his thumb across the nori on his food in irritation. The moments shared between you rarely involve anything outside of the sport. For someone as observant as him, the ravenette is almost ashamed he let his very few one-on-one memories of you two distract him from such an obvious (and somewhat embarrassing) fact.

You’ve probably spent more time with a handful of his other teammates. Sakusa recalls Bokuto and Hinata inviting you to a movie marathon at the latter’s place on your day off, though through all that excitement exchanged between them, all he could do was mutter under his breath about them wasting your time. It probably doesn’t matter whether or not you accepted their offer; they still approached you.

The same goes for whatever Atsumu says to you that makes you two snicker under your breaths. Inside jokes, Sakusa is sure of it, though it doesn’t make him scoff any less. If anything, his mood grew sour with every interaction you had that wasn’t with him. Another fact he wasn’t aware of until the blonde setter asked him if the stick up his ass was bigger than it used to be. (The wing spiker’s response to the harmless joke needn’t be shared.)

“Just talk to her.” Komori’s voice brings Sakusa back to Onigiri Miya. Staring; again. Lovely. The ravenette faces his cheerful cousin once more, who offers a chuckle. “I’ll even play wingman if you want.”

The quieter of the two finishes his onigiri before getting up from his seat. The libero watches as his relative puts his MSBY jersey on before heading for the exit. “I’m good, thank you.”

The ravenette risks a glance your way once he makes it to the door. You don’t meet his gaze, still occupied with the twins. No surprise there, but that doesn’t stop the disappointment plunging into his chest as he exits the shop.

That one-sided has seemingly returned since then, though the roles are reversed. Even with the few moments exchanged between you two, Sakusa struggles to pinpoint when he started to care for your attention in the several months you’ve been part of the team. The days when he felt indifferent involved less overthinking and even lesser restless nights; now, he can’t stop nitpicking at whatever detail catches his eye. You styled your hair differently one day; you’re snacking on cheesecake-flavoured Kitkat because it’s your new favourite snack. These notes follow up with nothing on his end except an extra bullet point in his brain’s buzzing list.

It’s a winter evening when he adds his first crucial fact: your home address. An abyss swallows the sky at what seems to be only half past five. Not a usual time for practice, though nothing that disrupted Sakusa’s schedule. He’s making his way to his car when he sees you standing aside, eyes glued to your phone. A rare sight, though not an unwelcomed one.

You’re frowning, the wing spiker notices. He’s approaching you, he notices too little too late. You notice him.

“Oh, Sakusa!” you smile, pocketing your device. “Good work today.” The ravenette doesn’t need his mask to hide his contentment at your praise, though the pride that swells inside him grows challenging to swallow. “Off home to relax?”

His tongue rests between his teeth as he nods, and you hug your coat tighter to your body. His brain screams to carry on a conversation, no matter how small or meaningless, but his eyes seem to do enough as they rake through the parking lot. He’s looking for your car, he realizes, but has no clue as to what it looks like.

“Had to bus here,” you explain sheepishly. Sakusa watches you from the corner of his eye, internally sighing in relief at your (alleged) mind-reading powers. “My car needs fixing, and with practice taking place later on in the day, finding a bus worked better.” Your gaze trails to the streets only a few meters away, exhaustion making them droop. “Guess my supposed ride is being held back, huh?”

“Let me take you home.”

Your head snaps in the wing spiker’s direction, whose eyes slightly widen in shock at his proposition. Now he decides to talk. He digs his nails into the strap of his gym bag, jaw clenching as he tries to appear calm as he awaits your response.

Your brows crease ever so slightly. “I wouldn’t want to cause you any trouble.”

Your voice shrinks at your concern. Sakusa imagines you shrinking under his gaze as well. “You never cause me any trouble.”

Not how he would’ve liked to word it, but it’s too late to take it back. You beam at him, offering your thanks and letting him know you owe him as you step closer to his tall frame. He doesn’t flinch away, instead facing the parking lot once more as he chews on his bottom lip under his mask.

The car ride holds silence throughout the fifteen-to-twenty minutes on his end, with you giving the ravenette directions and discussing the team’s progress. He only offers curt nods and soft hums, not that he minds this time; your sunny tone and presence in such a closed space were more than enough for him. Besides, his brain is occupied with carrying your guidance as you get closer to your destination. Because he’s the driver, and you ought to return home safely. It’s been a long day for both of you: you’re exhausted, and you don’t hide this fact as you slump in the passenger seat and sometimes yawn.

And when you finally tell Sakusa to pull up into your driveway, he can’t help but scan your home with his eyes, wondering which windows expose which room. He sees one with lavender curtains from the interior, and he’s willing to bet that’s your bedroom.

You thank him, and the thought evaporates. He’s tongue-tied once more; he nods, unlocking the passenger door. Offering one more smile, you exit the car, and the wing spiker’s eyes bore into your frame as you walk up your porch and enter your home.

He’s backing out of the driveway when he begins to wonder if there is something different he could have done. The small talk was calming, but he found that he wanted more.

The drive back consists of Sakusa glancing over at where you sat every chance he got. He swallows harshly, fingers tapping impatiently against the steering wheel at a red light. Even with practice done a while ago, he feels hot. His clothes hug him uncomfortably, and it isn’t until his brain entertains the idea of peering down does he understand why.

He recognizes this street. The ravenette pulls over to a secluded area, quick to unbuckle his seatbelt before throwing his mask off. His chest heaves as he slowly looks down once more as if the first time was just a trick of the lights.

He’s hard. Being alone with you for less than half an hour is enough to make him fucking hard.

He’s also alone. For a second, he recalls keeping a pack of tissues in the glove compartment.

He’s also in his car. His home is not too far from yours, he noticed as you gave him directions.

You were also in his car. The passenger seat pulls Sakusa’s gaze towards it. He’s leaning into where you sat not long ago, and if he focuses hard enough, he can catch a whiff of your perfume.

His cock stirs in his slacks, and the ravenette climbs over the gear shift before his brain can reason with his body.

The passenger’s seat is still a bit warm, he notices upon making himself comfortable in his new spot. The wing spiker shakily exhales as he unzips his pants with great haste, shimmying them down to his thighs. His pace doesn’t slow down when he gets to his briefs, either, opting to tuck the waistband between his balls and dick’s base to free his shaft of its confinements. Only then does he pause, breathing still trembling as he tries to calm himself.

There’s not much time. An empty parking lot when he got there, but it won’t stay that way forever. Sakusa spits into his palm, needing some makeshift lube to start slowly stroking himself. The relief has his eyes fluttering closed and lips parting with a sigh. It isn’t long until he feels some precum sliding down from his slit, and he spreads the stickiness to help with his movements. He takes a deep breath through his nose and again catches your scent.

What if it was your hand pumping his cock instead? It should be. You’d be smiling as you do so, peering up at the wing spiker through your lashes as you ask him how he likes it. Always there to help during practice; how is this any different? You want what’s best for the team, for him. Anything for him—

Sakusa’s choking on a groan as he paints his hand and the glove compartment a creamy white. He doesn’t open his eyes until his high finally descends him back to earth, where he realizes what he’s done.

He groans, in both exhaustion and disgust from the mess in his car and thoughts. He was a teenager when he lasted this long, though the quantity of his release takes him by surprise. Has he truly been pent up for too long? Did you do this?

Sakusa’s quick to take out that tissue pack.

You thank him for the ride home once more the next time you see each other at practice. Other than that, the wing spiker continues to keep his distance. Mainly due to the shame that follows remembering what he’s done after dropping you off, but the one time you two shared eye contact for more than a few seconds when you handed him a towel during a break brought another feeling into the mix: excitement. What for, Sakusa has yet to find out. Or maybe he’s trying to avoid that explanation. Like any minute, you’ll tell him, you know, eyelids heavy as the emphasis tells him more than enough of what you’re talking about. The thought makes his lower stomach churn in an agonizing blender. Then, you’ll pull him into the storage closet, where you’ll—

Say his name. Well, no. Not you. Someone else is saying it. Again and again.

The ravenette blinks back into the real world, masking his fantasy with a blank slate for a face as he turns to look at whoever could need something from him.

“Oh, so yer awake?” Atsumu. Of course. “Still got some energy in me, and I need t’kill a bit of time. Wanna set fer ya fer a bit.”

The grin the faux blonde offers isn’t reciprocated as Sakusa notices front the corner of his eye some of his teammates entering the changeroom. A part of him wants nothing more than to follow them, the clothes clinging to his body from all the sweat making him internally recoil as he wishes for a shower. He also knows this is an opportunity to improve without you there: as much as he enjoys your presence, you become a distraction as a drawback.

The wing spiker sighs. “Only for a little bit.”

Atsumu beams at his teammate’s (albeit reluctant) acceptance, already jogging to fetch a ball to begin.

Sakusa finds his focus coming back with every spike he lands on the other side of the court, slowly but surely returning to normal. Another way to release some steam; he tries not to cringe at the memory of the other tactic from the night before.

The attempt fails as soon as you enter the gym with Meian by your side. The two of you are speaking to each other—about what, the ravenette isn’t sure. He doesn’t get a chance to listen in, anyway.

“Nice kill!” Atsumu chirps, gaining the attention of not just his teammate, but his captain and manager as well. With a final nod, you and Meian go your separate ways; him towards the changeroom and you, the other two athletes.

“Don’t push yourselves too much, guys,” you chuckle. “You already worked hard during practice. Take the time to relax as well.”

Sakusa can barely give you a nod while the setter grins at you.

“I’m gonna get cleaned up before we head out, ‘kay?” The wing spiker’s head snaps towards his teammate with a raised brow. Neither you nor the faux-blonde acknowledge his confusion.

You smile. “Take your time. I’ll just put the net and volleyballs away while you’re at it.”

Atsumu nods before slapping Sakusa’s back and jogging to the changeroom. The ravenette can only look down at a stray ball and pick it up. He remembers enjoying the silence between him and whoever he was with.

“I’ll help,” he mutters, walking away before he can witness your reaction. It’s ridiculous, like some middle school crush: wanting nothing more than to be close to you, but freezing up as soon as it happens. And he can’t avoid you forever–he doesn’t want to–because you eventually meet him at the ball cart, dropping the armful of volleyballs into it. “What was that with Miya earlier?”

His voice finds itself whenever he’d rather it didn’t. He’s curious, sure, but he didn’t need his tone to give away his distaste. He can only hope you dismiss it as Sakusa being Sakusa and nothing more.

With the small smile you give him, the ravenette is certain he’s safe. “Oh, ‘Tsumu invited me to check out this restaurant that recently opened with him after practice. Heard they made some of my favourites there, and I wanted to try them ASAP.”

Sakusa pretends that you being on a first-name basis with the setter doesn’t bother him. He doesn’t respond to your explanation and remains silent as he brings the net down with your help. The next time he acknowledges you is before he rushes to the changeroom to shower, ignoring Atsumu as they cross paths.

He’s at the wrong house.

You’d think one knew the directions to the place they called home, yes? At the very least, have an idea of the area. Yet, it’s only until your driveway makes it to his peripheral vision does the ravenette realize his mistake. And he’s just in time to watch you walk up your porch.

After another restless night, the wing spiker needed to clear his head. His home brought him no distractions, already too tidy to clean, and his mind continuously drifted away when watching recordings of volleyball matches. With a day to himself, he might as well go around town—there’s a mall not too far from his place, he recalls. It was a better attempt at keeping him occupied, though he couldn’t help it when he passed a perfume shop and wondered what scent was your favourite. Or the neighbouring lingerie store, putting whatever scandalous pieces of lace out on display, giving the athlete’s spiralling mind suggestions on what you would look best in. (White, he concluded before processing.)

He didn’t want much, nor did he need much. More or less satisfied with his purchases (and dissatisfied with failing distractions), he’s in his car, ready to head back home.

But he’s not home. Or rather, his house. The latter is a mere building; the former, a sense of comfort. And while there’s guilt bubbling in his chest, witnessing you carry on with your everyday life has him relaxing in his seat.

You were on an errand run, Sakusa observes. Groceries, from what he sees. What would you be making for dinner tonight? He’s too far away to catch what exactly is in your bags. The weather’s fallen to a frigid slumber—stew, perhaps? Or maybe you’ll make some umeboshi—those appeared to be your favourite whenever the team stopped by at Onigiri Miya. He and his teammates have had the opportunity to try some of your cooking firsthand; the ravenette is positive whatever you make will be just as delicious.

Then he remembers yesterday’s interaction, and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. Where did you two go? And when did Atsumu get so comfortable with you to take you out? You seemed content and—

And getting angry during this opportunity won’t do him any good. Surprised, Sakusa manages to calm down a little, opting to distract himself with other scenarios.

What could you two eat together? What would you serve him? He lets his thoughts waltz. The two of you share a meal after a long practice, or maybe you cook together on your day off. He’s seen a few romance movies in his life; he can imagine hugging you from behind as you prepared the food, him nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck as you both talked about whatever was on your mind. The conversation would continue as the two of you ate at the dinner table, his hand itching to find yours across from him.

And for dessert, he’d have you sitting on the kitchen counter with your legs wide open as he ravaged what’s in between them, your hands clawing at his dark curls as his greed controls his tongue. Or, maybe you’re feeling extra generous and decide to help him relax after a tiring practice, lowering to your knees to take every inch of his—

You’re struggling to open your front door. Too many bags in your hands—the wing spiker has half a mind to get out of the car and help you. As crazy as you drive him, he still has some sense to remind him that whatever excuse he has to be in your neighbourhood won’t be convincing, even from him. And with the evergrowing tightness in his pants, he has another problem he can’t hide. Worse, he doesn’t feel as bad as he used to anymore.

You finally manage to get inside, and the athlete starts the engine to find a secluded area once again.

Sakusa has to refrain from spiking the ball at the faux-blonde’s face in the following practice. A match among teammates, and noticing the setter’s little pep in his step upon entering the gym that morning had the ravenette glaring hard. A part of him was relieved being on Atsumu’s opposing team, doubting he could work alongside him for the day.

For now, the wing spiker aims his spikes at the older Miya twin. Anyone could view the action as part of his strategy; aiming for the setter to prevent them from setting is an old trick in the book, but still in the book.

“Damn it, Omi!” Atsumu exclaims in frustration after not properly receiving Sakusa’s spike. “Quit pickin’ on me! Ma arms are gonna fall off!”

A twinge of satisfaction plucks at the ravenette’s chest from the outcry, though he masks it with a huff before walking back to his position. His eyes automatically make their way to your form on a bench, keeping track of the points while scribbling some notes whenever possible. You don’t catch his gaze, seemingly occupied with whatever’s on your clipboard. The lack of attention makes Sakusa frown, as he had hoped you’d see him on his little winning streak.

It doesn’t stop him. If anything, it adds fuel to the fire, the flicker of pride from before blooming into something dangerous.

His plan doesn’t change: Atsumu will remain his target until he decides otherwise. The next time he’s given a chance to spike, his eyes make the mistake of gluing themselves to his victim. Barnes quickly steps in front of the faux-blonde’s spot, flinching from the impact but still blocking the ball perfectly.

It’s just one point, one that he can easily take back. Still, Sakusa can’t help but aim his glare at the setter on the other side of the net, something that doesn’t go unnoticed. A hand lands on the wing spiker’s shoulder, snapping him out of his spiralling daze.

“Take a seat, Sakusa.” Meian’s expression appears relaxed, though there’s a rough edge to his tone telling him it’s not a suggestion.

The bench you’re sitting on is opposite his team’s side of the court. Had that not been the case, the ravenette would try to take the opportunity to sit with you, even if words wouldn’t be exchanged. Instead, he settles onto a bench too far from you for his liking. Even if he were to try and take a peek at you, players from the other team block you from his vision, what with their constant moving.

He’s observing their movements; anyone can assume that. Sakusa can no longer remember the time he’d do something like that unless he was watching videos of matches at home. If he’s not keeping the ball in the air on his side of the court, then he’s scavenging for a chance to even be reminded of your existence: you handing the athletes water and towels, the captain calling your name to gain your attention. Anything will do. So no matter the frustration that comes with the package, he’ll find a way to catch you.

It isn’t until he watches you rise from the bench does Sakusa realize that practice is done for the day. He didn’t notice his teammates walking away from the court and giving him a clearer view of your frame; he was glad he could see you at all. His posture straightens as he watches you approach Atsumu, and his hands ball into fists when you rest your hand on the faux-blonde’s arm. Whatever you two may be discussing, the ravenette can only assume it has to do with his teammate being on the receiving end of his pent-up aggression.

Your conversation ends short and sweet, with you walking towards the storage closet. Sakusa’s only half-listening to his captain when he asks if everything is okay with him. Meian is offered an unenthusiastic response of “Everything is fine” before the younger athlete stalks away.

You’re struggling to roll out the ball cart from its spot when the wing spiker enters the storage closet. He doesn’t hesitate to approach you from behind and grip the handle about an inch away from your hold. You gasp, jolting back slightly before turning your head to face the brooding ravenette.

“You startled me, Sakusa,” you sigh, clutching your chest. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Always so eager to please, aren’t you? The wing spiker has to refrain from smirking at the thought.

Still, he ignores your question. “The wheels on this cart have been acting up lately.” With newfound confidence, he places his free hand on your shoulder to gently pull you out of the way for him to yank the cart. It jerks out of its place with a loud screech, and you wince. “You just need to give it a tug. Until it’s fixed, anyway.”

Sakusa looks down at the cart upon realizing this is probably the most words he’s spoken to you without having you carry the conversation.

You grip the handle after a few seconds of silence. Your voice, suddenly meek, shakes as you thank him. He’s blocking your way; nothing you need to point out to him, but your silence says plenty. His feet stay planted on the ground, and your loss of confidence makes his cock stir in his pants.

“You were pretty tough out there earlier,” you point out. The wing spiker knows you purposefully left out who he was giving a hard time. He also knows, based on your concerned tone, that you’re asking him for an explanation.

You aren’t offered a response. Sakusa only takes his time turning his head to peer at you, the darkness of the storage closet and the way his black curls frame his stoic face giving him an intimidating aura. But what has you subconsciously shrinking into your corner are the onyx caskets for irises boring into your frame, beckoning you to crawl into the empty pools of demise.

“I have to be if I want to win,” is his response before finally leaving you be, exiting the changeroom with the same intensity you witnessed mere seconds ago.

He’s back: closer.

Parking his car nearby doesn’t cut it for him anymore. Sakusa doesn’t think it ever did. With the amount of patience lost for every practice with his team, the initial distance was just a formality.

Now, his car hides nearby as he approaches your home, giving a quick yet thorough peek over his shoulder to make sure he’s in the clear.

It took him the third visit to learn where you hid your spare key, having seen you take it out from under the cushion of a little bench on your porch. And luckily for him, it hasn’t left its spot.

Even with his morals flying out the window, the wing spiker neatly places his coat, scarf and boots aside after removing them, then ponders over his leather gloves until ultimately deciding to keep them on. He eyes the spare slippers by the entrance before concluding they won’t be necessary (for this visit, anyway).

Based on the house’s layout, it shouldn’t take long for Sakusa to find your bedroom. But it’s not going anywhere, and neither are you. Why not get to know you via your home?

It’s a small house: one story and cozy. The ravenette wonders how you afforded it, even with your salary. With how minimal the style appears, he can only assume most of your income went into the building itself. Would it be too much for him to buy you things for the interior? As a gift, perhaps when the occasion calls for it.

Then again, is he really in any position to ask himself about doing too much? He almost chuckles at the thought.

A quick yet thorough tour of your home gives him a more detailed layout, though he’d love to stay longer had he had the time. Or better yet, your company. As satisfied as he was to find your living room and kitchen tidy–and by his standards no less–he’s not done getting to know you.

People don’t really need an exploration of the bathroom. It’s as clean as any other room, though it’s a cast-aside note when his eyes land on your laundry basket. Half full, too. Squatting closer to the dirty pile, a subtle yet musky scent hits his nose. Sakusa almost groans, cock stirring in his slacks; for such a clean freak, he’s never been more excited.

His eyes scan the basket’s contents, eventually landing on flimsy lace. Part of him wishes he wasn’t sporting gloves for the occasion, but he doesn’t let that stop him as he picks up the article of clothing. Underwear, of course it is, and a flattering magenta nonetheless. You wear this to practice? Or are there other times you put it on? Do you have a matching bra? The wing spiker can’t find anything in the basket, though he’s sure–no, he knows–you’d wear it like it was made for you.

Are you wearing something similar right now?

The ravenette stands from his position, pocketing the lacy undergarment before exiting the bathroom. Consider it a welcoming gift.

Again, it doesn’t take long for him to find your room. Being in such an intimate location is a different experience compared to looking in as an outsider. Everything is you: the way you organized your shelves and vanity, the colour palette—your scent is more prominent here. Sakusa doesn’t catch his eyes fluttering shut until he distinctly hears shifting.

To his right, you lay on your mattress, your sheets messily hanging off parts of your body. You’re barely a silhouette in his eyes; the moonlight stalking past the crack between your curtains is the only thing helping the ravenette navigate your room. Parts of the glow highlight a bit of your face, though a shimmer from the light’s reflection teases his peripheral vision.

You have a bookcase headboard, and on it lays a necklace in its case. Nothing fancy; a golden heart hanging off a thin chain. It’s more the note next to its box that catches the ravenette’s eye:

Thought this would look good on you ;) Hope you like it!

— Tsumu (your favourite setter <3)

If it weren’t for the fact that you’d notice, Sakusa would crumble that note and follow up with the faux-blonde’s neck. When did you get this? He surely would’ve noticed if you received it during practice.

There’s a good chance the setter gave it to you before or afterwards. The wing spiker’s aware that the two of you spent time together outside of training, though for it to happen enough times that Atsumu found it appropriate to give you a gift as intimate as a heart-shaped necklace has the ravenette glaring at the piece of jewellery. (As open as his teammate may be, Sakusa doubts he’d buy something like that for someone after a single meet-up.)

He hears a sigh: yours. Your body shifts in its spot again, opting to lay on your back. The wing spiker freezes for the slowest seconds his alarmed brain can count, only to relax once you stay in your new spot.

They say an average of eight spiders crawl into your mouth yearly while you sleep. A myth, of course, but maybe that’s what we tell ourselves to ease the paranoia. Maybe, that’s what he is, Sakusa thinks; a spider. Soundless, observant—he’s certainly made himself at home.

Maybe not, he reconsiders. Most people would carefully trap the eight-legged creature before bringing it outside. Or kill it; no mercy necessary. You have yet to do either.

Then again, you aren’t like most people. Not in his eyes, anyway. No, his eyes entertain themselves with your every move, and no matter how deep those holes in the side of your head are, you don’t catch his stare. Whatever he may be, he’s always the perfect distance to observe you.

Sakusa’s brain buzzes mindlessly as his hands draw closer to your form, long fingers pinching the hem of your pyjama shirt before lifting the material. No bra: not a surprising observation, what with your nipples poking at the fabric from the cold. Even with how dark it is, the ravenette salivates from the sight, his cock stirring in his pants. He’s grateful for the lack of witnesses, though it’s still embarrassing to be as affected as he is. You’re not even fully nude. Yet.

He waits for a reaction. Other than you moving in your sleep, the wing spiker receives nothing. He exhales through his nose, never thinking that gaining the knowledge about you being a heavy sleeper early on would be an advantage for him. His fingers twitch before slowly landing on your stomach. Again, no reaction; he then lays his palms to join the digits. With a deep and shaky breath, the ravenette glides his hands up your torso until they reach your breasts.

They feel perfect in his grasp, even with the thick layer of the leather gloves creating that barrier. Your face scrunches when he gives your mounds a light squeeze, though you remain asleep. As deep of a sleeper as you may be, one wrong move could ruin everything. Sakusa gulps, dragging his middle finger to flick at your nipple. A shaky breath from you is enough for him to shift into a more comfortable position on your bed before he continues his ministrations more confidently.

He’s careful, he assures; eyes flickering from your chest to your face, reading your expressions to discover what you like and making sure you don’t wake up. All the while, the athlete tries to ignore the tightness of his pants, although watching you squirm beneath him because of his touch makes that a challenge.

“Hnngh….”

It was barely audible, but enough to make the athlete stop everything. You’re still asleep, of course—he’s almost impressed, a bit jealous, even. Countless nights of insomnia on his side because of his fantasies playing on a loop, but yours give you a good night’s rest.

Regardless, the wing spiker gears to earn another reaction like that. Dipping his toes further into the water, he gets a little rougher, tweaking the sensitive buds between his covered fingers. Your back arches in his hold; more than enough confirmation for him.

Shifting his position once more, Sakusa wraps his lips around one of your nipples, dragging his tongue against it while groping the other breast. You whimper when he begins sucking: a shallow sound, but it travels down to his crotch. He already has to deal with the embarrassment of finishing early because of you; if he cums in his pants without any stimulation, you’ll surely be the death of him.

He can’t rely on you being a deep sleeper forever: the wing spiker must work quickly. Pulling away from your chest, Sakusa brings his attention to the lower half of your body. His hands glide down to your hips, hooking his index fingers past the elastic waistband. He wonders whether he should take his time removing the article of clothing or pull them down in one motion. You help him make a quick decision when your leg accidentally brushes against his hard-on. And while he refrains from letting out a groan, his hands make fast work of harshly tugging your pants to your knees.

Silence: not a sound from you, not a breath from him. Your thighs clench momentarily out of reflex once the cool air hits the exposed skin. Not fast enough—Sakusa managed to catch a peek at your drooling cunt. And it isn’t until you finally relax again does he exhale with a light shiver from the sight.

Now, with a clear view, the athlete reaches for his opportunity by swiping some of your essence and bringing that same finger to your clit. Your hips buck into his touch as he rubs slow but tight circles on the pearl, making his brows furrow in concentration and chest swell with pride. It isn’t long until he adds to his pace and slides a finger from his other hand into your sopping hole. Your thighs clench on impulse, a mewl leaving your throat as the air remains stuck in his. His movements are forced to a halt due to your hold, and it takes several seconds for you to settle. Do you enjoy the sturdy material of leather rubbing against your insides? Maybe you’re unaware of the answer, but God, wouldn’t the ravenette love to know.

Dipping his toes in the water is long out of the discussion; if anything, he’s in too deep, the water rising every second he proceeds. He might as well follow the rest of him down, no? Take that final gulp of air before dipping his head in and letting that frozen abyss swallow him.

Sakusa experimentally wiggles his finger inside you and, after gaining no reaction, slides in another. With how wet you already were, it doesn’t take much effort on his part. You gasp, but your eyes stay closed. Even with his morality slipping away each day he sees you, the wing spiker still finds himself surprised (and grateful) that you can sleep through his actions. He wonders how far he can go.

The longer and deeper he pumps his digits inside you, the more reactions he earns from you. The squelching noises between your legs also become louder, especially with the leather material of his gloves. He’s no longer worried, just curious about what sounds and expressions he can pull out of you.

A particular response tells him he’s found your sweet spot. With a drawn-out yet breathless wail, you lift your hips off the mattress once the ravenette prods at a certain part inside you.

Where there is darkness, there is also light, and that’s exactly what could be said to describe the glimmer in his eyes upon discovering this hidden gem of information. He continues his ministrations, watching in fascination and lust as you grind into his touch.

Meanwhile, his cock is begging to be released from its restraints, throbbing due to the display. Sakusa was hoping to hold out for a bit longer, mapping out your body in ways he hopes no one else has, but along with any logic and morality, his patience flies out the window.

You whimper when the athlete slides his fingers out; he almost wants to coo, assure you that he’ll make you feel all better. He can’t, of course, so he opts to taste you, lick his digits clean of your slick. He’s certain he almost cums on the spot, your sweetness consuming his tastebuds (as well as a hint of bitter leather) and leaving its mark in his memories. The wing spiker’s eyes roll to the back of his head as he tries to refrain from groaning.

When his gaze returns to your form, he’s swift with your pants, further sliding them down before doing the same to himself. Having his cock out of its confinements already does plenty for him, but not enough. Sakusa recalls how your cunt squeezed his fingers, practically sucking them in. You were warm, dripping, even with his gloves in the way. And with how eager he is to have you make a mess on his dick, he knows he’s no longer the same person he was before meeting you.

The athlete taps the tip of his cock against your clit a few times, just to watch you squirm, before sliding into your entrance. Only a few inches in, and he already has to dig his teeth into his bottom lip. None of this was a part of his plan—he’s not even sure he had one in the first place; he just needed to see you, feel your presence in some way, shape or form. And the latter is more than he could ever ask for, your insides hugging him just as tight as they did his fingers. The lack of a barrier is the icing on the cake.

He’s bottomed out before he knows it, and Sakusa doesn’t know where to look: your face contorting from being filled to the brim or your cunt stretching open to accommodate his size. Either one intensifies the swirling of his lower stomach. All he can do for now is play with your clit until you appear to feel better. (And if that means you clench harder around him, then so be it. He’s come this far as is.)

After a few minutes, the wing spiker reels his hips back with a deep breath. His thrusts are gentle, as much of a challenge as it may be to hold back. He bites his bottom lip as he feels you hug every inch of his cock, threatening to milk him for all he’s worth when he’s barely begun. You’re so much better than his hand; no fantasy can compare.

A few strokes in, and Sakusa’s restraint is thinning. Every time, he thrusts in a bit deeper, a bit faster, a bit harder. You’re quietly moaning between pants, your face twisting from a pained expression to one much lewder. Pretty lips parted with brows both furrowed and raised, you have the ravenette throwing his head back with a silent groan.

Unfortunately for him, that’s when he catches sight of that damn necklace again. His grip on the sheets next to your head tightens, his thrusts sloppy as his mind races. What made Atsumu think he had the right? Does he think a necklace is all it’ll take to get you? Sakusa drops his head to glare daggers as you continue to mewl and whimper. What do you think is happening right now? Who are you thinking about right now?

His mind keeps reeling, and the wing spiker fails to notice how he’s taking out his aggression in his thrusts.

Your whimpers grow to pathetic cries, tears forming in the corners of your eyes, and his hold on your sheets move to your wrists on instinct. With the mental spiral and physical force, the ravenette fails to notice your eyes shoot open.

Then, you gasp. “Sakusa!”

He hears the fear in your voice, no doubt. Yet, in a situation like this, with you beneath him, tears streaming down your cheeks as your sobbing and panting mix together, he can’t help but create a more beautiful scenario. You’re begging for him, his cock, needing him to fuck you stupid and fill you up to the brim, the pleasure so overwhelming that your nails are digging into his back, only his shirt shielding his skin from the potential marks.

The athlete doesn’t think; he slams his lips against yours, his tongue quick to explore your mouth as his release hangs on to the edge. And when your pussy flutters around his dick, creams around it, it’s the push he needs. Hot spurts of cum paint your insides white as Sakusa kisses you harder, his hips stilling. Even as he groans against your mouth, he can hear your choked moans, and he never wants any of this to end.

But that’s not how it works. Eventually, you both come down from your highs, his cock going soft and out of cum to give you. The wing spiker doesn’t pull out, but it doesn’t stop the white liquid from trying to seep out. It makes him shiver, slowly ending your kiss for you both to catch some air. The string of saliva connected to your lips that follows him as he sits up distracts him; something else to bind you two together. It’s messy, so so so messy.

He loves it.

You’re both breathing hard for the next several seconds, your terrified expression not faltering as your body trembles lightly.

“Wha—How?” you gasp, sob, you’re not sure, and neither is he. He’s only half-listening, still floating on that release and too far away. “Sakusa, how did you get in?”

There they are again: those eyes. Empty pools, yet always full of judgement. Like you’re the crazy one. Tracing the river streams down your face and clumps of shields for lashes, they seemingly do more talking than his mouth.

Then, Sakusa reaches a hand out to cup your cheek. You flinch, but it doesn’t stop him from wiping a stray tear. Even with your helpless sounds quieting down, the silence isn’t any less deafening. And when his voice, smooth and deep and a little too nonchalant, invades the room, you shiver.

“I was always here.”

#haikyuu #fanfic #fanfiction #hq #haikyu #haikyu!!#smut #haikyuu x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x reader #yandere sakusa x reader #yandere haikyuu #sakusa smut #dark content #sakusa dark content #itachiyama #msby bj #msby sakusa

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nicxl333 · 6 months

Note

“Baby you sold me a dream” IS SO GOOODDD WTFFFF YOU GOTTA MAKE A PART 3 FOR BAROU AND RIN 🫶🫶PLSSS

BABY YOU SOLD ME A DREAM PT.3

you ask and you shall receive (•̀ᴗ•́)و

i do feel like rin and barou deserve some form of justice so here’s a continued ending to part two. i swear to you there’s a good ending this time.

also this took me time to write cause i’m hella busy with school since it’s my last year…exams and the like yadayadayada. anyways enough about me, happy reading!

characters: barou shoei, itoshi rin

content: angst, fluff, swearing

please note: if you haven’t read pt.1 or pt.2 please read both for context

taglist (cause ik i pissed y’all off 💀): @faeroow @samisamaza @dookiemeshibear @91ed0 @v1v1arish

BAROU SHOUEI ☆彡

it was bound to happen. you both had mutual connections to each other, but you were hoping and praying you wouldn’t have to have direct contact with him at this event.

however, you can’t get everything you want in life.

this event was one of major importance: the wedding of chigiri and his long time partner. you were close enough to be made the maid of honour by chigiri’s soon to be wife, and therefore already stressed with the meticulous planning of the wedding. even worse once you learned barou was on the guest list. it was stupid of you to think he wouldn’t be, given that the entirety of former blue lock players were there.

and so, you dreadfully counted down the days to the wedding, growing more and more anxious that you would have to see him.

ever since you ended things with him, you hadn’t been the best simply put. you still had feelings for him. regardless of how he treated you, there’s was something about him that put him apart from the rest.

and that scared you. mostly because you thought you were exiting your relationship for your own good, but you were fighting with yourself just as hard to avoid taking him back.

and you hoped those feelings wouldn’t overload during this wedding.

you sat in the room where chigiri’s fiancé was getting ready. the room was bustling, the makeup artist and hairstylist working simultaneously to get her finished in time, while you and the bridesmaids, already dolled up in your tailor made dresses, were giving her words of encouragement to ease her nerves, ignoring your own for the sake of the couple. once she was done and the dress was on everyone stared in awe, you included at how beautiful she looked. however you couldn’t help but think if that’s what you and barou could’ve been, what you could’ve had. who knows.

you pushed it all away though, for the ceremony was about to begin. all the bridesmaids lined up with their groomsmen, you at the front with chigiri’s best man, kunigami rensuke. when the music started, the venue coordinators opened the ceiling high doors and out your pair walked first, arm in kunigami’s.

“congrats on your win rensuke, i saw your match. looks like you’ve gotten sloppy though, your kicks have lost power.” you teased.

you and kunigami were friends, meeting each other through chigiri, immediately getting along.

“oh please, i’d like to see you do better in my exact position.”

“i wouldn’t need to, a five year old could’ve done better.”

“stay bitter y/n.”

you lightly chuckled to yourself as you reached halfway down the aisle. you could see your best friend at the alter, smiling proudly at you. you smiled back, looking around to see how beautiful the hall was. everyone involved with the planning had really outdone themselves.

your eyes had happened to wander too far however, immediately locking with a familiar pair of red eyes conveniently standing in front of a seat closest to the aisle. in that moment your heart had skipped a beat, seeing the man you still once loved looking at you as hard as you were looking at him. his hair was down for once, donned in a black sheen suit, with a navy blue tie. he looked so handsome, and you had fallen right into his trap. you couldn’t pinpoint it, but he was also looking at kunigami with a face of…discontent?

you forced yourself to tear your eyes away, focusing on what you were supposed to be doing, which was completing your walk.

as you neared closer to him, your anxiety grew with each step, until you were parallel to him. you passed him completely with two more steps, proud at yourself for not acknowledging him. that work was undone though once a wave of your favourite cologne on him hit your nostrils, melting at the familiarity.

you immediately collected yourself, completing the walk up to the altar and disconnecting from rensuke with a small pinch to his arm, to which he lightly swatted at you with a smile. your hand reached out to briefly hold chigiri’s with an encouraging smile before making your way to stand to the left of the altar, facing the crowd.

as the other bridesmaids were walking down the aisle you couldn’t help but sneak a few glances towards barou every now and then, only to find he was already looking at you each and every time.

after an exchange of vows, a few tears shed here and there, and rings given, the spotlight couple were announced husband and wife and exchanged a long kiss. the crowd erupted into cheers and applause, and the reception was about to commence.

once the food was eaten and speeches had been given, most of the attendees had either made their way to the dance floor or broke into conversation with others.

you did neither the former or the latter however, instead opting to sit at your table alone, watching others have their moment.

“hey.”

you froze, head whipping to your right just in time to see barou himself sinking into the seat beside you.

“hey…shouei.”

“good turnout huh, heard you had a hand in the planning. you did well.”

“what is it? cause we both know you didn’t come to talk about the decor shouei.”

he paused for a moment, not expecting you to be so sharp about it.

“i wanted to see how you were doing. i miss you y/n, badly. and i know you established your boundaries the last time we saw each other, but when i saw you enter it just reminded me of us, especially when i saw him next to you. dunno, call it jealousy or some shit.” you looked down, studying your maid of honour dress, while contemplating what to do.

this weren’t heading in a good direction, you could tell. specifically because you missed him too. and your composure was slowly unraveling. and you cursed yourself for having a few flute-fulls of champagne, because you knew your tongue had loosened up enough to speak your truth.

“i…miss you too. but i don’t know, shouei, why does it have to take losing me just for you to realised what you had? why let it get to this point? we could’ve been in so much of a better place right now.”

“i know y/n, shit, i know. but i wanna make it up to you. wanna show you how much i appreciate you for what you do. i know i should’ve done better by you, but that’s why i’m here now. to make up for my actions. i wanna start over with you.”

he looked at you still avoiding looking at him, taking his index finger and thumb to lift up your chin towards him, slowly rubbing your lip. he knew you liked it. it made you realise maybe he did pay attention to you here and there.

“we’ll go slow y/n, i’m gonna take my time to do this properly with you.”

you gave him a nod, and with that, he neared closer to you for a kiss, you meeting him halfway until you connected, sharing a sweet moment. your hands threaded through his hair, feeling his soft locks in your grasp. after a while you parted, his eyes full of adoration, something you didn’t know he could show.

“c’mon, let’s get out of here.”

ITOSHI RIN ☆彡

life went on. for six more months rin carried on climbing his way to the top, attempting day by day to erase you out of his mind. he went on dates, brought numerous girls home. it just posed one slight problem though;

none of them were you.

he ultimately gave up on love, believing that you were as good as it gets. he screwed up, and now someone that wasn’t him was able to enjoy the undeniable luxury that was you.

he really fucked up.

it was his own fault, any idiot could see that.

and paired with his stresses concerning you, the pressure of being a football player was getting to him. he needed an escape. and so, in the late hours of a simple thursday night he ventured to a discreet bar downtown japan, considering he was out of season currently. mind you, rin never drank, but if exiting sobriety would ease the devastation coursing through his body, then so be it. he’d deal with the consequences later.

what he didn’t anticipate however, upon entering the bar, that he would chance upon the very centre of his agony once again. seemed like life just continually kept kicking him in the balls.

what he should’ve done, was exit immediately, come to term with the fact that you had a new life, new lover, and therefore not open that door of angst once more. but…that selfish element inside him wanted to indulge in you, give him that temporary relief to bask in your presence, know where you are in that moment, what you’re doing.

and so, he walked into the bar, taking a seat on a barstool, opposite ends of the room from you where he could see you in between the few people in the bar.

he ordered a drink, letting his black card give a payment from the hundreds of thousands that resided in his account.

he took discreet glances of you here and there as he slowly sipped on his drink, the burning in his throat soon to be gnawing away at pieces of his rationality.

however, the more he looked at you over time swirling a finger around in your drink, the more he noticed something was off. he blinked harder, looked more attentively- were you crying?

he immediately entered a state of protective mode, feeling a panging state of yearning to brush away your tears.

the drink didn’t help either, for he felt himself rising off his seat, something he wouldn’t never done had he been sober, and took quick paces towards your table.

the tears were more evident now he was closer. bags weighed underneath your eyes, but he still found you to be as beautiful as ever. even in your state of disarray.

you caught him in your peripheral, slowly coming into full view the nearer he got to you. at this point you couldn’t give a shit, simply over it and everything life had to offer at this moment.

you barely acknowledged him as he slid into the seat opposite you, a heavy silence setting into place. you both had more than enough things to say, but no words escaped.

eventually however someone had to face the music.

“you’re finally ready to talk huh? only took you 10 months itoshi-san.”

itoshi-san. he hated it. hated how it symbolised the distance between you two. how in less than a year, two individuals who were so close with each other, so damn comfortable could end up this way.

“i- yes. yeah i am.”

you waved a waiter over, ordering drinks for the both of you, rin looking at you in confusion once the waiter walked away.

“we both know damn well this conversation ain’t gonna go easy. and i’m already suffering from a breakup. might as well loosen up before you lay it all out on the table.”

within record time your drinks arrived, downed immediately by both parties.

“so, what is it rin?”

he stayed silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. he knew what he wanted, but to voice it to you was a different story.

“i…i fucked up. badly y/n. i took my anger out on you where it wasn’t needed-”

“badly is an understatement rin. you degraded me, hurt and damaged me- made me feel some type of way because you— you felt threatened because someone acknowledged your state of distress? has it ever occurred to you that i was trying to help you? because i love— loved you rin.”

he flinched at your slip up, the word ‘love’ shattering him into pieces. you weren’t done though.

“have you ever seen it from my perspective for once? i never felt like you loved me, god knows you didn’t tell me enough. i went above and beyond for you, given the fact we didn’t see each other enough, what the hell did i know?” your voice cracked mid sentence, emotions you’ve kept in for the past year coming to surface. tears came up once again and cascaded down your cheeks right in front of him.

although the boundaries were there, he couldn’t just let you suffer alone, especially because he was the source of your bottled up pain.

he rose once more, dashing to your side and engulfing you in the biggest hug. your sobs grew in intensity, the unexpected comfort from rin sending you into overdrive. he shushed you, slowly rubbing the back of your neck with his thumb as he held you close, scared you’d escape his grasp once more.

after awhile your sobs subsided, taking deep breaths into his chest. you basked in the familiar warmth coming from him.

“i still love you rin, i really do…but i can’t live like this. if you can’t change your ways, there’ll never be a way out for us.”

“y/n, i swear to you, this last year has been pure hell for me. being without you by my side, living without you has made me realise just how much i should’ve valued you more. i need you, i can’t live without you, not in peace i can’t. and i am so fucking sorry for everything i put you through. if you’d have me, i’ll do everything in my power for the rest of my life to make sure this doesn’t happen again. there is no one who compares to you, i can be absolutely certain of that.”

it was silent once more, you could feel his heart pulsating in anxiety from what your answer would be. you both knew that you still loved each other, but your fear held you back. fear that things would end up the same way it ended. alas, you missed him so much. even while you were with your partner, he wasn’t rin. the fact that he cheated on you spoke volumes to you loud enough. your selfish nature yearned for rin. so maybe…just maybe, things would be different this time around? time to find out.

“alright…we’ll try this once more. but rin,” you pulled away from him so he could see your expression. “i’m being serious. if you fuck this up, i can guarantee you, you’ll never have me again. and i promise you that.”

“i won’t screw this up y/n. not again, i won’t lose you again.”

he lowered himself to you, gently clutching your chin and sealed his words with a passion filled kiss.

“i love you y/n.”

“i love you too rin.”

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 10 months

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Nadia with an MC who’s really close to her sisters and parents due to not having a family of their own (for reasons which I’ll leave vauge so your creativity can fill them in) perhaps ?

The Arcana HCs: MC with M6's family

~ oh, we love some good found family! thanks for the request, @dameschnee123! I had fun work shopping this request with you ^.^ - brainrot ~

Julian

Let's be clear: Mazelinka's first feeling upon meeting you was relief. And she experiences it again every single time she can sense that Ilya (the rascal!) is getting into trouble again because she knows that he listens to you at least (and you seem to be sensible)

She doesn't expect you to fix him, but she's been watching him wander around with too many empty spots in his heart for way too long and she's glad you've found a home with him there

She is going to pass on all the advice, all the embarrassing childhood stories, and regularly threaten to replace him with you

Portia's a little jealous at first, not gonna lie

She's been looking up to and trying to keep up with her older brother for years, and now you've popped up out of nowhere and you have all of his love and attention! (she's more annoyed than she is upset, though)

If anything, you make it easier for her to reconnect with him. They last knew each other as kids, and having you around helps them become friends again as adults

Dinners with the four of you often devolve into Julian and Portia telling you "how it actually happened" while Mazelinka threatens them with her spoon to keep the noise down

Asra

Both Asra and their parents are so glad you're around, and while none of them would pressure you, they're all very eager to treat you like part of the family

On Asra's part it's obvious. He wants to make you a constant in his life, and having you around makes it easier for him to face emotionally difficult situations (like reconnecting with his parents)

Aisha and Salim feel that keenly. They love you right away for what you mean to their precious child, and they'll quickly come to love you for who you are as well

Aisha's mama-bear instincts are going to flare up just as quickly for you as they do for Asra. Arcana help the poor fool that causes you any form of pain

Salim, on the other hand, bonds with you over your magic and your shop. An ability as versatile as yours captured his interest as soon as he saw it, and he could spend hours browsing your collection

Aisha loves having you over for tea - regardless of whether or not Asra or Salim can make it. It becomes a weekly thing

Salim will stop by for a five minute purchase and then spend hours telling you about his latest ideas (much to Asra's embarrassment)

Nadia

You're about to be spoiled rotten

And dragged into lots and lots and lots of "spirited debates"

Nasrin is the slowest to warm up to you, only because it takes a while before she has the chance to be in the same space as you without also needing to be the Queen of Prakra

Namar has no such qualms and adopts you immediately, as do Navra and Natiqa. You are about to get dragged into so many shenanigans with them (Nadia thinks they're terrible influences)

Thankfully, Nasmira and Nafizah are quick to notice when the madness becomes a little more intense than you want it to be and will either give you an out (Nasmira) or stop the whole thing (Nafizah)

Nahara never indicates when she decides that you're part of the family, but you notice when she starts shifting her stance to keep an eye on you as well as her sisters

Nazali, being the sister most removed from royal life, will often seek you out for the sole purpose of talking to someone "normal"

There's an ongoing battle over who will be your shop's benefactor. Nadia's waiting to tell them that she owns half your stocks

Muriel

He didn't think that he had family

Or if he did, he always assumed that they hadn't wanted him

Having you by his side as he learned the truth gave him the courage to accept it, grieve over it, and grow from it

It means so much to him that there's someone he can talk to who also met Khamgalai and who is able and willing to visit the Steppe and decipher the tapestries with him

Speaking of Khamgalai, she still talks to you both all the time. It's not uncommon for her to ask you to interfere when Muriel chickens out halfway through an embarrassing baby story

She has so many baby stories - about him, about his parents, about his cousins ...

And, oh dear. She's very eager for the two of you to have babies of your own. It doesn't have to be by biological means, just adopt a kid or two or five or ten already!

She knows for a fact that Muriel has a deeply nurturing nature and would be a wonderful mentor and she's convinced that if she points out to you what perfect husband and father material he is you'll help her persuade him. (which makes him flush every time)

Portia

Ilya tried to give you the shovel talk, okay?

The only problem was that his heart wasn't in it because he had just watched you and Pasha empower each other so much that you two took down the world together and he's just a little intimidated

To his relief, Mazelinka was quick to hijack it and serve you a proper threat ("Exactly! What she said!" etc)

He doesn't want to admit it, but it was really because he's learned how ticked Pasha gets if he acts too protective and he doesn't want her to get angry at him again

Mazelinka, Portia, and you have regular get-togethers to sort out exactly what's going on with that delicious soup. Portia wants to learn how to make it, and you want to decipher its magical properties. Mazelinka is amused by your observations

Julian will often mysteriously appear and claim that he's not interested, magic's not for him, he's just here to read his book, but he's peeking over the edge and adding his two cents the whole time

Portia loves inviting them up to the cottage for family dinners and it's always a fun time. You didn't know it was possible to bruise a rib from laughing too hard, but you quickly discover that it is

Lucio

Family is a touchy matter for him

The biggest reason being that he tried to kill his own (and succeeded, in his father's case) and then ran away from them

Which is why, when it comes to the possibility of starting a family with you, he is absolutely convinced that it will end with one of his kids attempting the same thing

It doesn't help that Morga points this out every time you make contact with her, only to finish with something vaguely threatening along the lines of "children are the blessing we deserve"

If you have hair that can be braided, she will braid it every time she sees you and scold Montag for not taking better care of you

Never calls you her child out loud, treats you like the family favorite

Which Lucio notices, and whines about, but is secretly pleased by because you are one of the few decisions he's made that his mother approves of

Lucio will often ask you to tell her things on his behalf because he's convinced she'll respond better if it's coming from you

This does not work, because after giving you a curt nod she will promptly hunt him down with exactly the reaction he was avoiding

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana fluff #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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gretavanfleetposts · 5 months

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Fire in the Water: Chapter Nine

Summary: You had thought dating a vampire would be the most complicated thing you'd ever done. But as it turns out, becoming one is even more complicated. The boys are determined to make your transformation as smooth as possible while each fighting to maintain the relationships they once had and those they now lust for. Author's Note: As always, I'd like to thank the lovely @gretasmokerising and @earthlysorrows Content Warnings: swearing, death, mentions of being burned alive, allusions to drowning (no one is actually drowning but it is written that way), mentions of suicide (this one is a lot, folks) Word Count: 10k

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Jake sat next to you with a cool exterior but you could tell by the way he fidgeted his thumbs around one another in a frantic dance, one always chasing after the other, that he wasn't as calm and collected as he wanted to appear. You could guess what was going through his head, too: the danger you were both in now that the council knew about you. It was what had been going through your head since you'd laid eyes on the tall man who looked like the creature he was in your home. It was what had been going through your head during the silent journey to the airport, through security, sitting at the gate, and now as you sat in a cramped airline seat surrounded by blissfully unaware human passengers waiting to take off.

The council had summoned you to their place of rule in a city called Niterra, tucked away within what humans knew to be Barcelona. The way Jake described it, it was a well-kept secret hidden in plain sight. That was where the high council wrote law into stone. That was where you were headed for what you could only assume would be a trial, with you as the evidence of Jake's crimes.

“I need to tell you something.” Jake only gave a quick glance at his surroundings before leaning over slightly to speak quietly to you.

He spoke in a hushed tone to avoid Marcus’ ears; Marcus, who appeared to be making light conversation with a flight attendant, several rows in front of you.

You nodded uneasily, glancing about at your surroundings the way he had before meeting his eyes. And when you finally did match his gaze, you saw the cracks in the facade.

“The reason you're struggling to use your gifts is because we haven't completed the binding ritual,” he explained with a guilty look on his face. “You'll grow weaker and weaker until we do.”

You could tell he was waiting for the brunt of your anger but it never came. Instead, all he found behind your eyes was shock.

The last instance you had tried to use your gifts to no avail suddenly made sense to you now. It was the reason you hadn't flown off the handle at your usual readiness. It was the reason you hadn't hurt anyone in over a week. You hadn't even realized it had been happening, your abilities dampening from the inside out until they were nothing but a slurry of mush that couldn't form into anything substantial. You only wished you had known before you’d possibly found something good to put them to use for. Something worthy of such pain, at least.

“I should have told you sooner but I didn't want you to think I was trying to push you before you were ready just so that I didn't have to be without my gifts.”

You swallowed hard, trying to push down the lump that now blocked your throat. That’s exactly what you would have thought if he had told you before the high council arrived. You never would have given yourself over to him that way. You probably never would have trusted him again. So you could hardly blame him for it.

But regardless of what had led to the decision and how warranted it had been at the time, it still left you both in a dangerous position that you now couldn’t ignore.

“I can't protect us,” you whispered, your eyes boring holes into the back of Marcus’ head.

Jake gave you a look of disapproval, his hand meeting yours on the armrest to give it a tight squeeze. “You won't have to. I'm prepared to take full responsibility for what I did. There's no reason it should even involve you.”

“But what happens if one of us dies before binding?” You turned to study him, suddenly thinking about the different ways this situation might play out and just how fucked you possibly were. “Are they permanently weak? Permanently unable to defend themselves?”

“There haven't been many documented cases of that happening but yes, historically the other has weakened to the point of losing their gifts entirely.”

Losing your gifts entirely. It would be a reprieve from the inner turmoil you'd felt since the moment you turned. Maybe it would even be a blessing. But a life without Jake would hardly be worth it. Your selfish reasons were exactly that: selfish. And Jake had given you a reason to leave that selfishness behind you.

You only wondered if the high council would even leave it up to you. And if you were to be honest with yourself, you doubted they would.

“Who is Cassius?” you asked, the thought having brought another name to mind that set your teeth on edge more than Marcus’ did without even knowing the man behind it.

Jake cleared his throat and seemed to gulp down the more aggressive feelings he had about the man you had just named. “He's the head of the high council. He has final say on all decisions, all laws, all rulings,” he shook his head, almost exasperated, “everything.”

“What's his gift?”

“He's clairvoyant.”

“Like Danny?”

“No,” Jake corrected, “Danny's visions are subjective. Cassius sees everything exactly as it will happen.”

You sucked the skin of your cheek between your teeth as you thought about what that meant.

“So he saw me coming?” you questioned.

“Well, I don't think he'd given me much thought in years. Something brought us to his attention in the first place for him to know to look.”

His voice was never void of that concern that had been there since the moment Danny had interrupted you both earlier that night. It was there now as he thought of this man he must have known. One he must have feared, by the look of it.

You didn't relish seeing Jake that way, thinly veiled fear in his eyes as he tried his best to put on a good front for you. Jake was always so calm, always so even. It didn’t bode well for the man you were about to meet.

“Can he stop the things before they happen?” you asked. “I mean, can he intervene?”

Jake pursed his lips, looking more and more lost in his own thoughts the longer you spoke about Cassius.

“Yes but he rarely does. Only when it suits him…He's not exactly a good person.”

As he trailed off quietly, you tried your best to piece things together. A powerful man with the ability to see all, unwilling to change the course of the future unless it suited him. You could guess how things typically ended in his court. But that wasn’t exactly what worried you.

Something had brought Cassius’ attention to your doorstep. And there was a fear that had been creeping up the back of your throat like a lump that refused to go unnoticed since Marcus had arrived. It was a fear born of something Jake had said in a more heated moment, something you never in a million lifetimes would have believed. But two of his brothers were absent from the house. Neither seemed capable of it, betraying their brother. But one of them had been just angry enough when he left…

Jake's hand found yours again, the chilled comfort of his skin breaking you from your thoughts before you could entertain them for too long.

“Just do what they say no matter what and you'll be fine,” he whispered with his eyes suddenly locked on yours like he was begging you to listen to him for once in your life without argument. “I promise you, I will get you out of this.”

Your shoulders fell and a sigh puffed in your chest. You'd give anything to go back in time several hours, to relive your night with Jake but finish what you had started. Maybe then this mess wouldn't feel so messy.

“We should have bound when we had the chance,” you admitted, turning to stare forward, this time at the seat back in front of you, losing yourself in the knit blue pattern.

Mentally reprimanding yourself now would do you no good. Still, that didn’t stop you from doing it.

So fucking stubborn.

“You weren't ready for it,” Jake answered quickly with another squeeze to your hand.

“Look at the position I've put us in, Jake,” you argued back. “Ready or not, we can't defend ourselves-”

“There is no ‘we’ here,” he stopped you with a pointed look and a tense tone tightening his already rigid demeanor. “I don't want you to do anything that will put you in harm's way. You're still a newborn and you're strong. Cassius will take a liking to you. As long as you listen to him, you'll be fine.”

“But what about you?”

He was silent when you met his eyes, his jaw clenching under the weight of your stare, a stare that didn’t hide any of its accusatory heft, like you didn’t trust him not to do something stupid for your sake. And you certainly didn’t.

He relived it as your eyes locked, unwavering despite the chaos of life around you, just the way you did, relived the night only hours prior when you had each finally bared your souls to one another. It was worse this way, you couldn’t help but feel it. Now you knew what you’d be sacrificing, you both did. Maybe it made the path clearer before each of you but it hurt all that much more.

He stared forward again, breaking whatever magnetizing force had been holding you that way with a relinquished sigh that came from a place of resentment, not from what he had done but from the fact that he had never had any choice but to do it. He could have lived a thousand lifetimes over and he would have turned you in each one. You both knew it. You were always destined to end up here.

“It was my decision. I alone will face the consequences.”

It didn’t stop you from protesting, but a flight attendant passing by and giving you a warm greeting cooled any escalation before it heated to a boil. So rather than causing a scene, you decided to drop it for the time being, opting to attempt to gather more information from him instead while he seemed so willing to give it.

“I take it you've met them all before.”

“Sam and I both have. When I turned the other woman, I was summoned alone. But after Adele bound with Danny in the 70s, Sam spent a decade sitting on the council.”

“Sam was on the council?” Why anything surprised you anymore, you weren't sure. But this certainly did. You couldn't imagine Sam sitting so still. Couldn't imagine him confined within walls and rules, doing the bidding of others and judging everyone who stood before him. He didn't seem to have it in him and if he did, surely he would have cast judgment over you. He'd had reason enough to.

“Barely,” Jake answered. “Low level position. They liked his gifts; he could tell them when their subjects were lying. But they were hard on him. I swear, it wasn't Adele leaving him that turned him into what he is now, it was his time on the council.”

You felt your forehead crease, the weight of your sudden worry folding the skin downward as you thought of anyone hurting Sam.

“What did they do?”

“Constantly tested his loyalty to them. Cassius would have him prove someone's innocence just to turn around and have him kill them.” Jake sighed and shook his head, dropping his eyes to his hands that fiddled once again in his lap. “Sam would never admit it but it really did a number on him.”

“How could they-? I mean, why would Cassius do that?”

“Not all vampires have gifts. Cassius doesn't really value the lives of those that don't. But those that do, he wants to make sure they're in his pocket. He wanted to break Sam to use him as his own.”

“But he was able to leave? I mean, they didn’t break him. He left. Cassius let him leave.”

If Jake could see how frantic you suddenly felt, he didn’t let on other than slowing his words as if that could slow your panic.

“Sam is incredibly gifted. Whatever he's shown you, it's only the tip of the iceberg in terms of what he can do. Cassius would either have a vampire like that killed or he would use them. Whatever he has seen in Sam's future must have either made him feel safe enough to leave him alive or interested him enough to leave him alive.”

You were almost speechless. All that time and Sam had never even so much as let on.

“I take it Sam hasn’t really shown you much of what he can do,” Jake said quietly, like he was testing the waters.

“You mean other than the mind reading and the memory projection,” you answered quietly as you sat staring stunned at the stupid stained blue airline seat before you.

“I visited once…while he was on the council,” he began slowly and suddenly you weren't sure if it was for your sake or his. “I saw him…I mean, I-I watched him crawl inside another vampire's mind and drive them so crazy that they burned themself alive just to get some relief.”

He eyed you carefully before he continued, looking for a sign of, well, anything really that might have told him continuing was a bad idea.

“He can show you your own memories, make you relive them even if you thought you'd forgotten them. He can make you believe something that isn't real. Make it feel like a memory of something that actually happened when it didn't. He can see your dreams, manipulate them, give you nightmares, share his own. He can convince a person’s brain to just…give out on them. Convince them they’re on fire to the point that their skin actually burns. He can make people go crazy and turn them sane again with hardly any effort at all. If it can happen in your mind, Sam can manipulate it how he wants.”

He was shaking his head by the end and it made you wonder what else he had seen his brother do, things that Sam had never shown you. Although you couldn't really blame him for not wanting to subject you to that.

“To be completely honest with you, I don’t even know why Cassius let Sam live, let alone let him leave the council.”

“I had no idea,” you whispered. It was all you could muster at the mental image of Sam hurting people that way. The way you did. Maybe even worse than the way you did.

“He doesn’t ever use his gifts to their full extent anymore. I think he's afraid that if he does, he'll grow to enjoy it too much.”

“But he's so…gentle…”

“Yeah, I think you're the only person that Sam shows that side of himself to.”

It was hard to ignore the tinge of jealousy, anger, something, that seeped into his words. It only made you want to defend Sam harder, like you had not too long ago in the greenhouse when his brother had launched a similar attack.

“You really think he could be the type of person-”

“I've felt it in him,” Jake cut you off swiftly. “He struggles to resist temptation just the way you do. Why do you think he kills the people he feeds from when he doesn’t have to? The same reason that you prefer it.”

It was the comparison that silenced you. You'd only been without your gifts for a short while but had you already forgotten the things you yourself were capable of? And thinking about it now, Sam had been more than able to dig around in your mind and manipulate things however he wished but he hadn't. And yet, that didn't mean he didn't deal with his own demons. It was just another battle he hadn't shown you, another secret he had kept, maybe for your sake, maybe for his. Not that it really mattered when it came to things left unsaid.

You were even more like Sam than you realized. You had thought it was the way you struggled that reminded him of Danny and warmed him to you a bit but the whole time, it had been himself that he saw, like he was facing a mirror, one he couldn't turn away from. He had helped you to help himself. And maybe, just maybe, he really did need you the way you needed him. Perhaps a selfish thought but one you couldn't quell nonetheless. Maybe you had shown Sam a side of himself that he could find. Maybe he could only find it with you.

It suddenly made more sense why he left. And why he didn't say goodbye. You knew how hard goodbyes were. You never would have let him go. And he probably never would have been able to leave.

You tried to remind yourself that Jake wasn't the enemy as your thoughts swirled around Sam and the pain you felt for him, like a dagger growing sharper and puncturing deeper with every new morsel of information you learned about him, his life, the things he had given up. The things he had lost. You tried to remind yourself that Jake had given things up, too. Jake had lost things too. And now, he faced an even more terrible fate than saying goodbye. He faced judgment for being unable to say it.

“What was her name?” you asked out of the blue, swiftly cutting through the silence with the question and stunning Jake by the look on his face when he met your eyes. “The woman you turned, what was her name?”

He stared at you squarely for a moment before answering, straightforward. He rarely ever did that.

“Rebecca.”

Rebecca.

“Did you love her?”

“I thought I did. But I never even really knew her.”

His voice cracked when he said it. Not in any way that signaled to you that he was still emotional over her, but in that Jake way, where the husk reached a tipping point and his voice gave out slightly thanks to the rasp and the push and pull of a quiet word spoken just above a whisper that always seemed to strain his vocal cords a little harder. It was something unique to him that his twin didn't share. But it suited him. You thought so now more than ever. It was that familiar crack that let a hint of what was behind it shine through, his more honest self. His more scared self.

And you were scared, too. Maybe it was the tie, maybe it was self-preservation. Regardless, you felt it. It tugged on you, yanked on your skin and wrestled with your stomach.

“Jake, if anything happens to you, I'll never forgive myself,” you breathed lightly, deciding you didn’t want to learn anything else for the foreseeable future. Whatever else there was to know, you didn’t need to know it.

It was the first smile he had given you in hours but it barely touched his eyes. And even so, you found some comfort in it, whatever you could manage.

“Trust me, I have a lot of incentive to stick around.”

—

There was a car that arrived to drive you through the narrow streets of the city to the great stone fortress that laid at the heart, housing more danger than anyone in the vicinity even realized. Little humans going about their little lives, living blissfully unaware that another civilization lived right atop them, feeding from them and discarding them like nothing.

You weren’t one to find things so grotesque so easily but the moment you stepped foot out of the car and gazed up at the large, assuming structure, you felt just how morbid it all really was.

You and Jake were escorted inside by a pair of unflinching guards who likely were used to their duties, enough to know there was no point in getting to know either of you. But Jake’s hand gripped yours tightly, all through the entrance and down the grand, dim, castle-like hallway, until two wide double doors that reached up fifteen feet high were opened to reveal before you a large room made almost entirely out of white and black checked marble with seven throne-like seats lining the back wall.

When Marcus took his seat amongst them, each was filled. Your eyes scanned over them all, from one end to the other. Every vampire who sat among them with eyes more piercing than the last seemed to sit like stone statues, practically blending into their marble surroundings. You presumed it was Cassius who sat in the center, taking up the largest throne in the middle. But it was the vampire who occupied the seat furthest to the left that suddenly had you holding back tears you didn’t know had been at the ready.

Sam.

“Ah, my guests!” the vampire in the middle exclaimed before you’d had enough time to think through Sam’s presence or his icy stare toward his brother. “I am so honored you both could come.”

If Marcus’ appearance had been unsettling, it was nothing compared to the way you felt staring into Cassius’ blood red eyes, an eerie smile curling up his thin lips against stark white skin that almost looked like powdery snow under the dim lights.

He held his eyes open far too wide for anything natural, flared his nostrils too much to look even remotely calm. And yet, he stood slowly and walked over to greet you both, practically floating his way across the room with the smoothness of his movements.

And although he seemed pleasant and endeared, it was obvious he was anything but. Merely putting on a show in hopes it would lower the guards of his prey. Or those he wished to keep in his pocket. You weren’t yet sure which one you were.

When he stood only a few inches from your face, unblinking as he took you in and sized you up, you fought against your nerves to remain silent and still, hoping that if you made yourself small enough or quiet enough, he would turn his focus toward something else.

But that odd, disingenuous smile never vacated his lips.

“Orestes,” he said, unflinching as a large man who looked just as ancient as he was approached like a gargoyle from behind him and took your hand roughly into his.

It sent an immediate jolt through your body, like he could get under your skin and touch you in a way you didn't like. But it only lasted a moment before he dropped your hand, offering a fingertip to Cassius who pressed his palm to it. And when their skin met, his eyes went even wider and he sucked in a long, deep breath.

“Ah, my Jacob.” He spoke inhumanly slowly and the way Jake's name rolled off his tongue made your skin crawl. “You have created something very…interesting.”

Cassius stepped around you, circling you to take you in from all angles before crossing in front of Jake and stopping there, just as close to him as he had been to you. An intimidation tactic if you were to judge it by the way it had left you feeling.

“You have not yet bound to her.” He didn't ask it like a question but he waited for a reply nonetheless. Despite probably already knowing the answer, too.

Jake looked as though he were fighting with every ounce of strength he had not to glance over at you. He looked to almost be straining himself keeping his eyes on Cassius’, to talk about you like you weren't even there just as Cassius seemed so keen on doing.

“No, not yet.” His voice sounded like a mere squeak when he finally found it.

“You mean to,” Cassius answered, and it was the wide smile that practically stretched from one ear to the other that churned up a rude nausea in your stomach.

It was what seemed to incite Jake to fail at his task too as his eyes clumsily found yours for too long a moment.

Cassius tutted his tongue and took Jake's cheeks roughly in one hand, turning the poor boy's eyes back to him. “Ah ah ah, I am the one who asked the question.”

“Yes,” Jake breathed out as the vampire dropped his hand. “Yes, I mean to.”

It seemed to entertain Cassius to no end, a shrill, piercing laughter shaking from his throat. He glanced about the room as he did, encouraging laughter from the others on the council. All but one. All but Sam.

When he turned back, his laughter quieted but his face hardly settled from its gaping mouth and wide eyes.

“May I speak with your lover in private?” he asked, still staring intently at Jake. “I should very much like to get to know her.”

You would have begged Jake to stay if you could have. But you knew he had no say in the matter. Do as you're told, that was what he had said to you. He was smart enough to do the same so despite how cold you suddenly felt, with only one quick glance, he accepted his usher toward the door with a trail of council members following him.

Sam was the last to leave the room, staying still in his chair with his eyes on yours. It was the first time you'd let yourself really look at him. You could have run to him if your feet had let you, even now knowing with almost certainty what he had done. You could still deny it. You could still lie to yourself. He at least looked sorry when his eyes found yours, a hint of red rimming at their edges.

He broke eye contact with you when Cassius turned impatiently, his smile widening awkwardly like he wanted to scold him but refused to do so in front of you for some reason. But without any word, Sam stood and crossed the room in stride, turning his back to the hall as he shut the large double doors to give Cassius one last haunting look before you were alone with your fate.

And he looked delighted to finally be alone.

"A vampire who has not yet bound herself to her soul tie, and one who is so beautiful too, after how long exactly?" He took the emptiness of the room as an opportunity to stand mere inches away from you now.

"A-a little over a month," you stammered as you found your own voice and tested it.

"Ah,” he breathed. “You are special indeed."

When you met him with silence and a blank stare, he began to pace a few feet in front of you, hands held behind his back and fingers practically twitching against his palms. You hoped you wouldn't come to learn what that must have meant although you could hardly complain about the distance he had put between you.

"The restraint that requires,” he continued. “I've not known many who can last much longer than a week. And you certainly did get a pretty one."

"I was with his brother before. It hasn't exactly been an easy transition." As you explained it, your voice gained steadiness, like you were finding your bravery.

"The one I now keep in my pocket?" he asked.

"No,” you corrected him. You hoped your hurt didn’t show in your voice. “A third."

He nodded and smiled to himself, something a little less eerie but just as entertained.

"Quite an entanglement you've seemed to have ended up in."

"You have the gift of astuteness, I see."

He laughed that same odd, delighted laugh at your sarcasm and although it wasn't a sound you particularly cared for, it was better than any punishment he might have thought to inflict upon your lack of respect. Actually, he almost seemed to approve.

"Intuition,” he smiled as his eyes widened deliberately and pointedly at you. “That is how I know it is neither the third nor the one to whom you are tied that sees your soul as it is."

Even if you had known exactly what he had meant by that, you wouldn't have given anything away willingly, and your icy stare was met with a gleeful giggle as he scrunched up his shoulders and slunk over to you.

“I must say, I do love the drama of it all,” he practically squealed before continuing his serpent-like movements around you. “I have long tried to recruit Jacob into my ranks. I’d have loved to have a matching pair. And yet, he refuses. It is a shame, too. If I had been successful, you would not be in the mess you are now.”

“I don't understand,” you broke your silence, catching him off guard when he stopped in front of you yet again.

“You have a very interesting future, my dear. I knew our beautiful little Jacob would break the rules for you. I saw it all. It was not a future I was prepared to see through to the end. But your lover is stubborn, and he refused my invitation. And so here we are, barreling toward the end of this exciting journey.”

He seemed far too excited to see things play out for your taste.

“I didn't realize there was someone out there so invested in my future,” you answered flatly.

“I am invested in all things worthy of my intrigue. And you, my dear,” he took your chin in his hand this time, yanking your face toward his, “you are more than worthy.” He let your face drop as he turned his back on you, heading for his throne that he practically threw his body into once he reached it. “The question is, do I let this mess continue or do I intervene?”

You shouldn't have encouraged him but you couldn't even help yourself, given the mess you were in. The mess you continued to make just like the trashed greenhouse you had left behind you. You had hurt so many brothers and in such a short amount of time, it was almost a relief to hear Cassius say it was not the future he intended to let happen. It was hardly a future worth letting play out at all.

“Can't say I wouldn't mind a little intervention,” you huffed under your breath.

It was an answer that delighted him.

“Oh, I do like you. I knew I would.”

He sat lounging comfortably in his chair with his untrustworthy eyes on yours and a smile plastered to his face. This was the man Sam had sold his soul to. This was the man that had hurt him beyond belief and yet it was the same man he had gone running back to in the end. And in that moment, you weren’t sure who you hated more, Cassius or Sam.

“If I may,” you began uneasily, knowing there was no going back once you’d asked the question, “how did you find out about me?”

“Ah, yes.” Cassius stood and took his time slinking across the room once more. This time when he reached you, his fingers curled in your hair and brought it to his nose, his eyes falling shut as he breathed in deeply to catch your scent and commit it to memory. And when his eyes opened, they almost seemed redder than before.

He took your face in one hand, the ice of his skin feeling like it could splinter your own where he touched you.

“It was our dear Samuel who told me it had been done,” he answered. “He is loyal to me. I made certain of that.”

If you had been alone, you would have sunk to your knees and screamed. If you’d had your gifts, you would have disintegrated everything in your path. And if Sam had been standing before you, you would have beat your body against him, waged war against him, begged him to tell you it wasn’t true or demanded a reason. But Sam wasn’t there. And you had no gifts. You had almost nothing left, not even any fight. And all of that anger and betrayal and heartbreak crescendoed into a single tear falling from the corner of your eye.

Cassius wiped at it with a single finger, studying the drop where it lay on the pad of skin. “Do not blame him for what he has done, my dear. You would not have gone unnoticed by me for long. I was always destined to find you out.” He turned his back on you again, a simple flexing of his two fingers against his palm held behind his back some invisible signal as he made his way to his chair once more. "It really is too bad he broke the rules."

You didn’t even have the time to grieve before two members of the council each opened one of the large doors behind you, as though they had been summoned. They made way for the rest to enter once more, Jake trailing in behind them all with Marcus to his back to ensure he didn't run. Not that he would without you.

And this time, Sam never let his eyes find yours.

“It isn't often I take the opportunity to step into another's path and alter it,” Cassius began once the company returned and settled into their respective seats. “But I have seen things in your futures that I cannot overlook. So, I am left with a choice: let you bind and restore your strength so that you may forever sit on my council…”

He took a sick moment to smile over at you before he finished.

“Or kill you both.”

“No!” Jake was already fighting against the hands that had quickly come to stop him from whatever feeble attempt he was about to make to stop Cassius as Sam’s voice screamed out overtop.

“That wasn’t our deal!”

“Silence!” Cassius boomed, suddenly a picture just as threatening as you now understood him to be as the smile dissipated and what had been hiding, that sinister, deadly serious look, shone through from beneath. “You,” he pointed at Sam, “have no weight here! You come and go as you please; you do not get to snivel and whine in my ear!”

He stood and turned his eyes toward Jake, anger turning into a dangerous glower. “And you.” You could practically see the disdain dripping from his mouth when he said it. “You have broken what little rules I set before you. Not to mention, I cannot overlook the fact that in the process, you have created something much more powerful than the last.”

It was then that Jake's eyes met yours again, tearful and tired and filled with remorse. It wasn’t an image of him that you wanted to remember.

“Leave me!” Cassius demanded again. “I shall think on it. And you two shall remain separated until I've decided.”

With a wave of his hand, you found yourself being dragged out the door by hands you didn't recognize, only the sound of Jake's cries for you audible over the ringing in your ears as he fought and ripped his way to you to no avail.

You went much more willingly, without hardly any fight at all as Cassius’ words sunk in, never letting your eyes leave his as hands similar to those that dragged Jake away pulled you in the opposite direction. You knew what he would choose. Jake had denied his council more than once already. You knew your fate. And as you were hauled away, gazing at Cassius unflinchingly while that smile returned to his face, you couldn’t help but wonder if Sam was happy with himself.

—

It was almost comical how cozy the room you had landed in was. They'd practically thrown you into it, a warm, golden-colored library that seemed so inviting when compared to the atrocities the council committed on a daily basis. You almost didn't even mind being locked away there, apart from the fact that you felt you'd go crazy sitting with your back to a tall shelf of books in a dreary silence as you wondered where Jake was and if he had ended up in an equally cozy room himself while hours ticked by.

You hoped he had. He deserved to spend his last moments in some kind of comfort, even if you desperately wanted to be the one to provide him with said comfort. It made you regret all the time you had spent running from him. All of the time you had wasted. If you had known this would be the outcome, you’d do it differently. If you had known your eternity together would be so short, you’d have cherished every moment you’d been given.

The sound of the door opening, the only door to the room, snapped your attention to the figure suddenly standing there. A familiar face amongst a sea of hostility.

“Danny,” you breathed, each of you crossing the room in a second to pull one another into an embrace.

“We came as fast as we could,” he answered with his lips pressed against your hair and his arms holding you tightly to him.

But you broke from his embrace to stare up at him.

"It was Sam. He told them about Jake turning me.”

You could tell he was fighting back his more immediate reaction to this news, looking stunned for only a fraction of a second before he shook it from his mind. Things he would deal with later, you presumed.

His hands landed on your biceps as he met your eyes and spoke almost frantically. "Y/n, they're going to kill you both. It's been decided. Josh is trying to talk them out of it now."

It was your turn to look stunned, the mention of Josh's name having done it. After all this time, after everything you had done, he had come back for you after all. Maybe you’d get to apologize to him before you died.

"Intervention,” you chuckled under your breath at the word Cassius had used, the one you had echoed. God, you had practically asked him to kill you.

“It won't work," was all you said as you pulled yourself from Danny's hands to pace about the room.

"Maybe we can sneak you to Jake to complete the ritual-"

"Sam can hear our thoughts. He’s probably relaying this all back to Cassius right now. He’ll never let it happen.” You turned around to face him again. “How is Jake? Have you been to see him?"

"Adele is with him."

You sighed, going back to your spot on the floor by the bookshelf and dropping down onto the marble floor heavily. And your thoughts circled just as endlessly as the room spun around you. "We were meant to spend an eternity together. Maybe if I hadn't been so stubborn-"

"This isn't your fault."

"It is my problem though."

Danny was on edge. You almost felt bad for him, seeing him standing there so helplessly, clearly not getting through to you. Although, that was hardly your fault. There was nothing to understand about the situation. Cassius saw the end. He would make it happen. Still, the way his shoulders slumped and his curls practically weighed themselves down along with his body as he sank to the floor in front of you, you couldn’t help but feel guilty for what this was doing to him.

"Adele was a lot like you when she was human,” Danny said quietly. “Very stubborn. Loyal. Fought the tie hard."

"But she came to you in the end," you finished it for him. The way it had happened. Not the ending you would get.

He nodded. "She did, she did. I'm just saying, it wasn't without a fight. She loved Sam deeply. And he didn't exactly make things easy for her."

You felt a deep sigh brewing in your chest, like a stress beginning to whistle inside your body, begging for you to let out some of the steam.

"Josh is a good person,” you answered, thinking of how he had come back to save you. And how you didn't deserve it. “If I could have chosen him, I would have."

"Is that the truth?"

Danny's question caught you off guard. But as you met his eyes, deep and imploring, you understood exactly what he was asking.

There was that sigh that had built. Except, instead of letting up on the pressure, it only seemed to add to the stress pulling your seams taught.

“Doesn't matter now,” you clenched your jaw hard thinking of the Sam you had known sitting in his rightful place on Cassius’ left. Where he clearly belonged. God, you hoped you didn’t cry. “He betrayed his own brother.”

Danny fell silent, watching you intently. He looked like he wanted to speak but he didn’t. He let the silence linger.

It gave you too much time to think about Sam. You’d tried to expel him from your mind when you’d been sitting there alone, thinking only of the way Jake had touched you earlier that night. Reveling in it. Reliving it. As many times as you could in the time you had left. But now it was Sam occupying your mind despite how hard you fought it.

You wondered what deal he had made with Cassius, why he had been so angry that he had ended up here in the first place. You wondered how he felt now, knowing you’d both die for it. Because of it. But more than anything, as you sat there silently, back propped up against books far older than you, maybe even far older than Danny, a world of history and lives lived and love loved, you longed for him.

"What are you going to do about him?" you asked without meeting Danny’s eyes, afraid of what he would see in yours if you did.

"There's nothing I can do, I don't think."

"You're his friend," you answered back, almost callously.

"I don't know if he still sees it that way," Danny admitted.

You felt your jaw clench.

“You gave up on him at some point,” you whispered suddenly as tears began to form in their usual place. “I see it. I feel it. You hide behind your tie like that's what stole you away-”

“You don't understand-” Danny tried to interject but you cut him off.

“He turned himself for you,” you spat finally. “You think you don't owe him anything? He gave up his life for you and then he gave up his love for you. He has given you everything!”

You could feel that familiar anger seething and spitting and spewing and desperately trying to claw its way out of you, weak as you were. But like this, Danny had no reason to fear you.

“He's the reason you're here,” he answered calmly, the only hint of his emotions being the wet glaze cast over his eyes that matched your own.

But not a single drop fell. Not from his eyes, anyway. And in the silence that clung to the air, uncomfortable and gnawing, Danny’s face seemed to wash over with realization.

“I can't believe I didn't see it,” he huffed out in exasperation, shaking his head lightly as his brows furrowed downard. “Adele tried to tell me; I told her she was crazy.”

You said nothing, rather opting to cast your eyes to the floor.

“But I see it now,” he continued. “Even after all of this. She was right. You love him.”

You wiped at your tears with the back of your hand, trying to dry them before they had a chance to fall and stain the floor with your remorse. And you sniffled back what emotions you could, pulling on your icy stare again and not caring that Danny could see right through you all of a sudden.

“Just don't abandon him again,” was all you said.

Danny looked like he was about to reach for you again when the door opened a second time, and this time the boy who stood in the doorway was much shorter than the last but with curls just as bouncy.

Josh.

There was only a moment of hesitation between you both before you found yourself in his arms, the tears finally falling when your face buried itself into the safety of the crook of his neck.

God, he practically felt warm. You had forgotten how comforting even just his presence was in the time that he had been gone but now with his arms wrapped around you, it was all you felt.

“I'm so sorry,” he mumbled against your shoulder where his head had dropped. “I’m so, so sorry. I should have been here. I never should have left. I thought I was doing you a favor.”

You couldn't even muster up the words, nothing but gentle sobs wracking your body as you longed to melt into him, to do nothing more than disappear where you stood in his arms and let that be your last memory.

Eventually though, it was the thought of your last moments and how you might spend them that forced you to dry your eyes and pull your head back to face him, just as teary-eyed as you.

He still looked like your Josh. He still smelled like your Josh. The pillowy skin of his lips and the rosiness his cheeks always carried despite being a vampire still sat warmly on his face but now, that toothy grin that had saved you from so much turmoil in the past was nowhere to be found. But even so, you found yourself forgiving him for all of the time he had missed.

His hands took your face between them and his thumbs seemed to strike over your face carefully to remember all the times they had done so under better circumstances.

“Cassius has already made up his mind,” he said as he held back his emotions rather clumsily. “Our only hope now is to break you both out of here.”

But you shook your head. “I don't think we can get out of this one.”

There were too many powerful beings at play, none of which now included you or Jake. You were exactly where Cassius wanted you and now, only a decision on his part could change that. But Josh didn't seem so ready to accept it.

“Don't say that. I'm not leaving you and Jake behind, do you hear me? I'm not losing you both.”

It was the way his voice cracked like Jake's usually did that shook the realization from you. Josh didn't have to lose you both. More importantly, he didn't have to lose his brother.

You took a step back from Josh, him and Danny both eyeing you carefully.

"They only need to kill one of us," you breathed out into the room.

"What?" Josh asked, his brows knitting together as he tried to understand where you were going with this, worried that he might have already known.

“If the other dies before they are bound, the one who survives weakens to the point of losing their gifts,” you explained. “That's what Jake said on the plane. With one of us gone, the other isn't a threat."

"Y/n, no-" Josh was quick to chime in with his disapproval but you continued, undeterred.

"We can still save Jake. If I'm gone, he won't be a threat to them. He'll lose his gifts and his tie. Surely Cassius will take that as payment for breaking the rules."

"He'll have no reason to live without you," Danny answered somberly from where he stood with his arms folded over his large chest. You could tell he was as equally displeased by the notion as Josh was but he was the one who could understand it the best. He would do anything for Adele, even this.

"I'm not going to let him die, Danny,” you shook your head, the tears finally drying on your cheeks and in your eyelashes as your decision became clear. “I won't let Josh lose something else."

But the curly-haired twin whose heart you had crushed looked even more devastated, taking you back between his hands to practically shake some sense loose. "Please don't do this. There's another way, we just have to find it."

You took his hands from your shoulders and cradled them before you in your palms. It was so weird to think of how far the two of you had been separated over the last two months, how you had gone from needing him to hardly even thinking about him. It felt so cruel now that you faced the idea of never seeing him again.

You owed that boy everything you could give him. Just the way Danny owed Sam, you owed Josh for everything you had put him through and everything he had done for you.

"He could live a life without me,” you said quietly as you studied his hands. “You both could."

He was already shaking his head vehemently.

"What makes you so sure I would want to?"

"This is all I can give you, Josh," you insisted. “Let me right all of my wrongs.”

Danny could see it now, your death set in stone, just as certain as the path you were on. You could tell by the way he was suddenly squeezing his eyes tightly shut, willing himself not to see it. It was how he had looked in the memory Sam had shown you after he had just turned, crouched and scared in the corner trying to hide from the things he didn’t want to see.

It was only when a commotion sounded from the hall that Danny’s eyes flew open again, searching for the cause. It had sounded almost like Sam although it was hard to tell through the racket. Maybe he had heard your plan just as Danny had seen it.

There was a layering of voices and what sounded to be feet moving, and suddenly the door was being pushed open by Marcus and another council member and you yet again found hands dragging you from your place.

This time when you entered the great hall, Sam looked forcibly sat in his seat, tears streaming steadily but silently down his face. Jake was dragged in soon after, the hands holding him clamping down much harder by the looks of it. You worried they'd break him if they held him any tighter.

And Cassius was at the center of it all, looking far more delighted than he had any business being.

“She has chosen to die for you!” he exclaimed from his throne, clasping his hands together with that eerie smile replaced on his lips.

One might have thought just looking at him that applause would be expected. But his words were only met with the sound of Jake screaming out and fighting against the vampires who held him back. And Sam, sitting up on his seat like the good little soldier he was, squeezed his eyes tightly shut as the tears streamed harder.

“My, you have enraptured so many hearts in your short life. I shall think of you often.” Cassius let his lips stretch even thinner before jumping up out of his seat and gliding over to where you stood, arms still clasped between cold hands now forcing you into a kneeling position.

When he reached you, he crouched down to meet you, lifting your chin with a single finger so as not to let you avoid the terror that was his eyes.

“I would be more than happy to do it, my dear,” he practically hissed.

“Don’t put your hands on her!” Jake screamed again, a sound that caused you to wince.

You couldn't let that be the last thing you heard before you died. It was too violent a sound to take with you to the grave.

Cassius glanced over to your tie with an annoyed look on his face.

“Let me touch her, please,” Jake pleaded, the pain in his voice surmounting until it cracked and fizzled and all but died in his throat. “Please,” he gave one last attempt, the sound barely audible in the room.

“You have no spark of power left in your body,” Cassius answered with a mean smile. “It would hardly do her any good.”

If you'd had your own gifts, you would have done it yourself. Jake was the second best, although to make him do it just felt cruel. And silently, you were thankful he couldn't. Surely that was a blessing, in the end.

But to die by Cassius or one of his minions felt a much more horrid way to go, your limbs being torn from your body, your head severed last. Or maybe they'd choose fire and there would be no escaping the blistering pain. You could be brave for Jake but the tears blurring your vision signaled to you and everyone else that you weren't nearly as ready for that as you had tried to believe.

That left only one capable of the task at hand: Sam.

You turned your eyes to his to silently plead with him. You spoke your thoughts as loudly as you could to force him to turn to you, to face you.

You watched his jaw tense and the red in his eyes grow angrier as you silently begged him to give you a more merciful death than Cassius would. He owed you, after all, didn’t he? If he could betray you so easily then surely he could do this, too.

If nothing else, you’d get to feel his hands again. Just one last time.

“I'll do it,” he said finally, reluctantly, through gritted teeth. “I’ll do it.”

Cassius stood and turned to him, seemingly surprised by what he heard though you suspected he wasn’t surprised by any of this.

“Now that I would like to see,” he grinned.

He dismissed Sam from his seat with a wave of two fingers, a signal to the vampire who seemed to be the only thing subduing him to let up his gaze and let Sam cross the room to you. And only the sound of Jake's repeated cries resonated about the room.

You didn't dare look over at him where he laid folded over on himself, having given up making his way to you in favor of chanting no over and over again until his voice hardly worked. You were thankful Josh couldn't see it. You hoped he was far enough away that he couldn't hear it, either.

When he met you on the floor, Sam's hands found your face, bringing your focus back to his tears instead.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispered.

It had been so long since you had heard that voice directed at you and only you. It had been even longer since you had felt him touch you in that way that he did that seemed to right every wrong. And truthfully, it brought you comfort even now, knowing he would shield you from everything the way he always had.

“Don't touch her,” you heard Jake croak out one last time.

It was the last thing you heard before Sam invaded your mind.

Suddenly it was his thoughts that you could hear, sounding all around you and making you feel as though you had immersed yourself in him amongst a sea of black.

He wasn't invading your mind, he was letting you invade his.

“Please don't make me do this, please don't make me do this, please don't make me do this-” His thoughts layered one over top of the other but the dominant one, the one that was directed at you, thought for you to hear, it came through clearly.

“I won't let it hurt. You'll just feel me.”

Even with your tie and the way it felt toward the end being with Jake, Sam was never truly gone. Danny and Adele had been right and you saw that now. You loved him. And had you not tied with Jake, you would have chosen him.

“I always feel you,” you thought.

Sam took you back to the cliffs, back beneath the waves where you had last felt so close to him. Only this time, when you gazed out into the deep gray ocean that bubbled angrily at its surface but shifted so serenely beneath, it was yourself that you found staring back at you. He had taken you into his mind and cradled you there in his memory of you. His favorite memory of you.

You floated curiously across from yourself until you watched the arm of the other you slice through the water like it moved through molasses. You watched it push the water from its path and reach out for you slowly, gliding through ocean to find you. But the moment you felt your hand on you, in a blink it was Sam now floating across from you and pulling you into him.

In the distance, somewhere from a place beyond where your mind now was, you felt a burning sensation, working from the edges and doing its best to wriggle deeper. Sam was turning your own body against itself, convincing the rest of your body that it was on fire. Attacking your physical form using your brain and shielding you from it at the same time by housing your soul within the safety of his own.

Back beneath the water, he intertwined your bodies easily, letting your arms circle his back to feel the muscles beneath his shoulder blades, letting your legs weave between his and your feet hook around his ankles. He brought you as close to him as he could manage, one hand tangled in your hair to keep your face there against him, the other wrapping around your waist to steady you even more. And then he plunged you both down, together, sinking like stone into the darkness of the water.

It was a quiet dance down into death, one that you made together. And it was easy. It was peaceful. It was just as calm as you had felt that day beneath the water, ready to let the current take you. He must have heard it. He must have known you'd drift away peacefully that way.

And you did.

If you had seen it from Jake's perspective, you would have known that Sam meant to kill himself alongside you, only pried away once you'd gone limp and Cassius became wise to what he was doing.

You would have seen the torment on Jake's face as Sam was ripped away from your body screaming to let him die and was cast out of the council for good.

You would have seen Jake run to you and hold you the way he had the night you laid lifeless in the street, no longer able to do anything about it as if he were always destined to watch you die, over and over again until it finally stuck.

And you would have seen the aftermath of grief as it further entangled the people you had left behind as they scattered like dust in the wind: one who had been mourning your loss longer than the others, one who could no longer live without you, and one who was now convinced that he didn’t have to, if he could only track down the right witch who had scorned him years ago.

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withoutyouimsaskia · 9 months

Text

Low (Sandman One-Shot)

GIF: Originally posted by @sigurism

Pairing: Morpheus/Dream of the Endless x gender neutral reader

Summary: One-shot. Reader self-insert. Angst/comfort. Morpheus attempts to bring comfort to a dreamer who is managing depression, while in his cat form.

Warnings: Angst, talk of depression

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: Hey Sandfam, can you believe it has been a whole year since series 1 hit our screens? To celebrate, I am sharing a one-shot that features our beloved Dream as Meowpheus. Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think. Would love to know if you're doing anything to commemorate today. All my love, Saskia <3

Sandman Masterlist

--------------------------------------------

If a person were allowed to view what was presently being thought inside your mind and felt within your heart, they would likely notice that your body was being a direct conduit for both.

You were often cited by others as someone who wore their heart on the sleeve. When you had first heard the phrase directed towards you, it had conjured a pleasant connotation. Showing your emotions could not really be a bad thing, could it? Humans loved love, and they loved honesty. However, honesty about less-than-positive feelings; you have come to learn that it doesn't produce the same reaction.

All endearment fades.

Infants, children, adolescents can feel as they wish. Adults must be in control.

Unhappiness is something to be fixed, avoided, quashed; an emotion to be ashamed of, this is what you have been conditioned to believe. And unfortunately, the manner in which a vast majority of people behave in response to your low moods does little to aid in changing your mindset.

"Cheer up, it might never happen", they would say, the flippant words a paralysing gut punch that leaves you wanting to scream: It already did.

You then feel obligated to double down on your efforts to flatten the emotional peaks and troughs. A dangerous pursuit, for repressing sadness in lieu of its acknowledgement allows for it to stack up and up so much that you that run the risk of it spilling forth in unfavourable, non-triggering settings.

You are a human shaped pressure cooker. Doomed to spiral at the petrol station.

There was a time when sleep brought you a refuge. Regardless of how bad your day had been, how leaden your steps, you could always find enough fervour to propel yourself into carrying out your bedtime routine and then contentedly fall asleep.

For in dreams, the act of masking your feelings from observers could be dropped; you were alone in body and mind within the neutrality of your bedroom. Sure, you had nightmares at times but you derived so much pleasure from their dream counterparts that it did not matter in the long term.

You were happy in your dreamscapes to simply be.

Until you suddenly weren't.

A new low was discovered in waking and it has transformed into one you cannot escape from, even in dreams. Each night has become a repetition. You slip into sleep and plummet to the same subconscious rock bottom.

The place where you go, the earth is cold and damp under your prone body. You lay on your side, one arm cradling your head, the other wrapped around your middle.

An ominous drone takes up residence within your mind, a constant reminder of your thoughts and feelings.

Here you remain.

Trapped in the doldrums. Languishing away. Asleep but not seeking fantasies.

Even your usual nightmares are not drawn to you for there is nothing to entice them in. What could you need of a nightmare right now? There was nothing that could be taught.

Morpheus, Dream of the Endless senses the shift. You are a blip in a sea of dreamers. As if your subconscious mind has become a daub of dark matter against a backdrop of glowing galaxies; you exist but your light is extinguished.

There is so much anguish and the King of Dreams and Nightmares feels it all too keenly, as if it were his own.

It grows in strength with each passing day and night, taking your will to carry on. The handiwork of Despair of the Endless is all too apparent, intricate and bold in its ensnarement until you are a focal point of suffering.

Unsurprisingly, this is not the first time that Morpheus has felt the sorrow of a dreamer. Having existed for millennia, he has been witness to every variety. Kinds brought on by grief, shame, fear, longing, loathing to name but a few. There is something additional afoot with you though.

The desolate clearing you have been coming to, the fact that it is the same location every night, unchanging and devoid of hope. It is unusual, and hard to witness.

Despair has you in a chokehold.

What pains Morpheus even further is that he cannot remove his sibling's influence here. He can, however, offer you a reprieve.

He will bring you a dream.

A few moments are spent wandering through your prior dreamscapes, through the aid of the book emblazoned with your name, looking for things that have brought you solace in the past. Morpheus sees a few are inspired by memories.

He knows he must do this in a delicate manner and settles on a reserved option. One that would hopefully not startle you too much. Approaching you in a humanoid form is not feasible. It was other humans that had contributed to your current state, judging by your recent nightmares.

Morpheus enters the frame upon four legs, approaching you on soundless feet. Each step is measured, the pads of each wide paw flattening imperceptibly into the cold, loose ground.

He creeps closer and takes a minute to watch you. Your eyelids are closed, forehead pinched with a frown, mouth set in a grimace.

Morpheus stands beside you and nudges his nose against the hand you are gripping your torso with. Three sensations stand out to you. The soft press of the contact. The warm breath of an exhalation. The delicate tickle of whiskers.

The latter is a something you recognise immediately; it was unlike anything else in the universe.

You open your eyes, unsurprised by the image that greets you.

Next to you stands a cat. At least you think it is a cat.

They are much larger than any feline you have ever laid eyes on, made even more immense by their black fur; wild and mussed but not in a way that suggested they were uncared for, rather that it had been blown about by an unrelenting wind.

"Hello." You push yourself to a cross-legged seated position. "Are you lost?"

The innocent little question is loaded with such pathos that Morpheus has to blink back the hot prick of tears behind his eyes. Here you were, your hope, your life force literally ebbing away and you were worried about him.

He instinctually edges a bit closer to you before you speak again, this time in a whisper.

“I’m afraid I might not be much help. I’m lost too."

You extend your arm, offering the flat of your palm to the cat as a proper introduction, one that he reciprocates by bumping his cheek firmly against your skin.

"I guess we can be lost together."

Your sad smile is utterly devastating as you scratch behind one of his almost wolfish ears. He is unbelievably soft and you reach for the same spot again.

Morpheus puts his front paws on your left knee so you don't have to stretch as far and lets you continue to touch his head.

He is aware of the science of petting a cat with its lowering of blood pressure and alleviation of stress and anxiety, and with every second, he feels a lessening of your most acute pain, like the top layers are being skimmed away.

You feel better physically too, less tightness in your muscles and more awareness in your senses. You begin to notice things like the scent of the air and the ambient temperature. It is damp and mild but nothing you can’t handle, and it is a nice thought to have.

"You're very handsome," You comment, carefully and meticulously running your fingers through the dark fur, starting at his head and ending at the very tip of his bushy tail.

Morpheus, though he was calm before, is instantly and completely disarmed by these long-form strokes and is powerless to stop the deep, rumbling purrs that emanate from within his chest.

You smile widely at your companion’s reaction.

"Would you like to sit on me?" You pat your thigh as an invitation.

Morpheus hesitates, wondering if he would be crossing a boundary of familiarity. You don’t know that he is the anthropomorphic personification of dreams and nightmares. To you, he is a cat and according to your dreams, an animal that makes you feel safe and calm.

And right now, you were making him feel the same. This was not in any way a part of his plan when he had shown himself to you but who was he to deny what was clearly happening here?

He climbs up.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” You say encouragingly, delighted by the fact that this beautiful cat has chosen to trust you.

Morpheus takes a moment to settle and then snuggles into the crook of your arm. His warmth and weight are comforting sensations. You resume your gentle stroking, and he resumes his satisfied purring.

He gazes up at you with his striking blue eyes. Stormy in their intensity, oceanic in their colour. They are eyes that seem to hold the depth of a juxtaposed universe within them; wise yet weary. Hopeful yet haunted.

You have never seen anything like them in cats or humans alike.

The more you look, the more the cat's face seems to say: "Feel what you need to. Everything will be okay." How you determine this, you do not know yet you go with it, you are asleep after all.

Overcome with emotion, you screw your eyes shut and bend down to bring your face close to Morpheus' own. You cuddle him and the tears begin to fall.

"Thank you," You say in a hoarse whisper.

A little piece of hope glistens within you. You can do this. You don't have to hide your feelings. You shouldn't.

Morpheus feels his heart bursting at this wavering of your despair.

He decides there and then that he will do this for you every night until you feel strong enough to leave this barren plane.

No words needed. Just a human and a cat. Helping each other feel less alone.

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sophieinwonderland · 6 months

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cases of endogenic plurality shouldn’t have to need psychology to be considered legitimate. Sociological explanations should be more widely understood and accepted.

I genuinely do not understand particular syscourse blogs’ obsessions with trying to build a psychological explanation for things that are very clearly sociological.

Sociological explanations?

So, society causes endogenic plurality?

Oh, like people said DID was sociogenic? We're doing that again!

I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt with the other posts and assuming they meant they just wanted endogenic plurality studied through the lens of sociology. Not that they were presenting sociology as the cause of and explanation for endogenic plurality.

Okay, let's take a step back and look at what these fields actually are. Because even the comparison to DID's socio-cognitive model would ignore that the socio-cognitive model is socio-COGNITIVE. Even that ridiculous theory didn't try to divorce DID from psychology altogether.

So let's first talk about what these fields are.

Psychology vs sociology

Psychology is the study of mental processes and behavior. It answers questions about what people do and understanding why — such as, the mental processes behind their behavior. Psychology is oriented towards understanding the individual and how the individual relates to the group. By contrast, sociology is a study of systems and society. It investigates macro-level issues like poverty, food deserts, and unemployment. How do these structures behave within society, and what perpetuates them? It’s a big picture look at humans within the context of their society: how the group relates to the individual. Sociology studies the anthill; psychology studies the ants.

This is a great way to look at the differences.

And it's why describing endogenic plurality as "clearly sociological" really doesn't make any sense.

Plurality is in the individual. It's something you only see when you're willing to look past the hill and see the ants.

Yes, there are some cultures where endogenic plurality is accepted, and that can lead to the creation of plurality in those cultures. But endogenic plurals have also formed outside of those cultural frameworks with no connection to those cultures.

That includes myself, who didn't discover tulpas until after I had already gained sentience.

Now, it is true that all types of plurality do have sociological influences. This is also true of dissociative disorders. If you have a dissociative disorder and you grow up in a culture where demon possession is more common, you may be more likely to view an alter as a demon.

But that doesn't mean all forms of plurality are CAUSED by those sociological influences.

But even IF they were, that still wouldn't be (primarily) sociology.

It would be social psychology

Essentially, social psychology is about understanding how each person's individual behavior is influenced by the social environment in which that behavior takes place.

In other words, if sociology is the study of the anthill and psychology is the study of the ants, then social psychology is the study of how the ants are affected by the anthill.

Relatedly, there's also psychosociology which explores the connection between psychology and sociology that could also apply here.

But regardless, you cannot divorce the psychology from plurality.

To view plurality as solely or even primarily sociological would be to erase the individuals who make up the group.

Non-metaphysical Plurality Happens in the Mind of the Individual

I'm not going into the metaphysical aspect because the truth is that I am a skeptic. Although I'm certain many spiritual plurals would dispute that their experiences are sociological too on spiritual grounds.

But for those with non-metaphysical views, I have a hard time believing these experiences would be viewed as more in the purview of sociology.

Do you think the hallucinations (including mindvoices of headmates) are more sociology than psychology?

The dissociation, including switching and letting other agents take control of your body?

The passive influence where your mood and feelings are impacted by the others in your head?

Partial possession or similar motor intrusions where someone else controls your limbs?

The complex inner worlds systems build?

Ooh! How about the sharing of dreams with headmates?

In what way is any of this "clearly sociological?"

Because frankly, I'm at a complete loss.

Obviously, Plurality shouldn't be confined to a single field of study

Anthropology can study different forms of plurality across cultures and history. Sociology can study how plurality may affect the cultures they're a part of and how society responds to plurality. Psychology can study what's actually going on in the minds of plurals. Neurology can look for physical signs of plurality in the brain itself. Heck, even biology could hopefully look at conditions that may make someone plural and how that could be woven into our genes. I'm a firm believer that one reason plurality is so common across so many cultures is because there are evolutionary advantages to being plural.

But looking to sociology for explanations for endogenic plurality, even as so many endogenic plurals discover their plurality outside of social pressures and influences and even in social contexts where plurality is heavily stigmatized, seems to fundamentally misunderstand both endogenic systems and the field of sociology itself.

#syscourse #sociology #psychology #science #multiplicity #sysblr #system stuff #systems #system #plural system #endogenic system #pro endo #pro endogenic #actually plural #actually a system

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archivalofsins · 7 months

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TL;DR- Milgram is testing gender biases but not in the way people would like to believe. It is unreasonable for people who seem to want Kotoko to be innocent again to tie the change in opinion around her to misogyny. I'm somewhat sympathetic to people who do enjoy Kotoko as a character because it seems like they're becoming increasingly more panicked by others not as devoted to the character as they believe themselves to be seeing past the veneer and viewing Kotoko's behavior for the outcomes it creates instead of the catharsis it gives.

Though I understand that labeling people interrogating her behavior or questioning it as misogyny can help these individuals feel better and more secure in their opinion. I think it ultimately does little to benefit the character or the fandom in the long term. Instead, I believe it gives people who enjoy the character in different ways a bad impression of what fans of her character are like. Something that will ultimately lead to more quiet parties in the fandom projecting their disdain for Kotoko's fans on the character and using her trial as a way to let out those frustrations about these bad faith interpretations.

Comparing Futa and Kotoko is reasonable to an extent but making that comparison and just checking it off as misogyny is silly and reductionist. I feel people who want Kotoko to be Innocent for whatever reason could have a genuine discussion around the two forms of radicalization that both characters discuss. Highlight how Kotoko is just as much of victim of her environment as Futa is and home in on her more personable traits to better highlight her understated good qualities.

I don't fully believe Kotoko is an irredeemable character but how her well intentioned more vocal fans discuss her really highlights how dangerous it is to follow these sorts of people without question and how easy this sort of thing is to fall into.

Other than that, let's get started.

For all intents and purposes what is about to follow this sentence is fully intended as a joke about previous events and nothing more,

"If I see one more rabid Kotoko Innocent voter comparing "actually" interrogating her actions to misogyny I may-"

In all seriousness though, people who claim to be fans of Kotoko's may want to find a better defense for her actions before her trial starts. Instead of you know doing what people claiming to be Mu's fans did- Ignoring the problem while digging their hills in deeper and deeper. Everyone literally saw how that turned out.

Plus, from what it seems Kotoko may not be able to gaslight, gatekeep, girldictate her way out of this one and ignoring the ever growing signs of that isn't helpful in the long run.

I dislike Kotoko. I have done nothing to hide this. However, crying misogyny each time a woman's behavior is brought into question is in my opinion literally the definition of white woman tears. It does nothing to interrogate the underlying issues being brought up and the only purpose of using it is to lampshade the idea that something is amiss at all under the guise of discrimination taking place.

Men can be wrong, women can be wrong, nonbinary people can be wrong, intersex people can be wrong, demigender people can be wrong, agender people can be wrong, and genderfluid individuals can be wrong. Regardless of how one self-identifies based on gender, sexuality, ethnicity, nationality, or mental health wise everyone can be wrong, and everyone's actions can objectively be harmful.

No matter what people may say none of those characteristics is an excuse or justification for people causing harm. Crying gender discrimination is incredibly odd to me especially when taking the voting trends of Milgram into consideration. Milgram has specifically been testing these biases from the beginning. Something that has proven the opposite of this claim is true.

Saying things such as if X prisoner were male presenting instead of female or if X prisoner was female presenting instead of male, they'd be given more leniency is ultimately a weird back and forth talking point to me. Especially since we have a good amount of evidence to prove which statement is true and which one is not from the voting results along with the information Milgram has provided.

Because Milgram has done everything in its power to not only play on this bias but test it. From blatantly giving each of the prisoners a presentably opposite sex presenting counterpart,

To separating the prisoners into even groups of male presenting and female presenting. Even though the series canonically recognizes that there are more genders and have had characters make statements alluding to gender being a social construct.

So, if we look at the trial one results of each prisoner who has stated that someone who presents as the opposite gender as them is the most like their selves then we can see how gender has impacted the results,

In trial one Kazui did get a higher innocent verdict than Yuno but they were both Innocent/Forgiven. In comparison we can see despite being similar as they both stated they believed themselves to be Kotoko was Innocent/Forgiven by a large margin and Futa was Guilty/Unforgiven.

Then comparing Kotoko to the male she was expressly paired with is even worse.

Because as most know Mikoto had the largest Guilty/Unforgiven verdict of trial one. He was also beat up by Kotoko during his first trial interrogation for good reason. However, this goes into another gendered bias within Milgram. The only people Es has physically hit or have been hit during their interrogations are male or explicitly never referred to as female due to their age. Since the person he most recently hit was Amane who has been labeled as child by the not only the source material but the fandom at large.

No one has gone can't little girls do anything when it comes to Amane. No one has said can't we just support little girls being feral for Amane. At least not that I have seen. In fact people don't even like that certain individuals consider Amane's abuse when voting on her trial because they believe that either reduces her to just a victim (for some odd reason this was not an issue when taking Mu being bullied into consideration but is here) or is treating her like a child something she asked us not to do but Es speculated she wanted us to do within Amane's second voice drama.

Where's the justification of Amane's actions based on her gender, age, or the treatment she had to undergo like with Mu and Kotoko now? Because I'm not seeing anyone go as hard for her.

What makes this twenty something year old woman who to her own admission has never once faced persecution so special?

Sadly, children aren't considered to be men or women but just by the genderless term child. This means people don't have to think about complicated adult constructs when it comes to their rights. This conveniently leaves Amane out of this can't women/girls do anything because her story is about children rights. Something consistent Milgram voters have done a good job at highlighting a good deal of society doesn't believe children should have. Be it the right to make their own religious and medical decisions or taking agency over how they are treated by those older than them.

Milgram has gone out of its way to split the cast evenly between the most commonly recognized presented genders for a reason. It included characters of certain age ranges and stated or implied disabilities for a reason. Because when people are a certain age or have a certain diagnosis their gender and their thoughts on it cease to matter. They are only judged by their age or diagnosis. However, instead of talking about all these things people would rather use the social construct of gender for its most historically used weaponization of protecting the over privileged from taking accountability for their abuses.

The fact that people today still believe they can cry misogyny when it's simply convenient to them and that no one will go look at the evidence collected by the voting demographic that readily proves this to not be the case is wild to me.

This is why for me seeing people say if Kotoko were a man she'd have it easier is funny. One because Kotoko openly views femininity as a tool which she uses at her discretion so she's genderfluid or agender if anything. This is something she states in response to her first written interrogation questions. So, using the label woman as an excuse for her behavior is very Kotoko behavior of her fans but again just not actually helpful. Especially if I can just look back and go um that's not how Kotoko identifies all the time though and she alluded to so here.

Being genderfluid or agender does not make her any less of a woman of course. It just makes discussing her case based solely on her womanhood odd to me. Doing so ignores an extremely specific intricacy of the character that has been made known from the beginning. An intricacy I find to be a compelling and interesting aspect of her character. I could still judge her actions based on her womanhood but that's just not going to work to persuade me that she was right because I simply do not believe it's okay for anyone to get away with something based on their gender alone.

Recognizing her gender possibly being more fluid based upon her answer to the femininity question again doesn't change how I feel about Kotoko's behavior as a person. It's literally like cool gender I respect that your actions are still trash though.

Plus using her gender to compare her current circumstances to Futa's and saying there's a gender bias going on here is weird to me. Again, Futa was guilty trial one Kotoko was innocent. Futa has long term possibly permanent impairments due to the verdict he received. Something that was caused by Kotoko. Futa is a very tit for tat person and his first song displays through his lyrics that he used to stop after someone apologized while Kotoko's displays her mindset of an apology not being enough a mindset that Futa slowly develops into having over the course of Bring It On.

As displayed through this lyric,

"You won’t be forgiven, a coward, never!"

Milgram goes out of it's way to showcase how Futa and Kotoko are at different levels of radicalization. Alluding to the very real possibility that if Futa was affirmed during trial one he would be just as bad if not worse than Kotoko. Even Kotoko's answer in regard to him being the one she believes to be the most like her points this out.

"Though he’s also the person who resembles me the least."

She even spends most of trial one observing Futa and says this before his interrogation and trial.

20/09/18 (Futa’s First Trial)

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok……

Kotoko: What’s up, Futa. ……your breathing seems a bit uneven?

Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……!

Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it. To seeing what your “justice” really is.

So, more than likely if Futa was voted Innocent alongside her he would've just ended up being indoctrinated by her instead. Since they both recognized the similarities, they had with one another but just wound up on opposite sides.

Also, Futa's verdict didn't change round two simply because he's a guy. It's because he made a reasonable case for himself that caused most of the audience to reflect upon their behavior as well as Futa's. Implying that it's just because Futa is a guy is not only demeaning to his characterization and the time people put into analyzing both his songs but-

Ignores the fact that people still believe his actions are unforgivable. Along with the fact, that a good deal that believe that actively defend/support Kotoko's behavior. Oh, yeah- And it blatantly ignores that the thing he was being persecuted for to begin with (the doxing) was slowly but surely proven not to be his fault at all. Something he'd been saying from the fucking beginning of trial two.

Futa: It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my fault. Like anyone would die from that normally! The one who spread it wasn’t me anyway.

In contrast to Mu where the idea of her being in the wrong was so heavily denied that once it was shown that she was many changed their opinion not because her actions were inexcusable but simply because they felt tricked. Even though as Milgram stated all the evidence of the prisoner's crimes were there to begin with if people were willing to look and many including myself tried to lighten knee-jerk reactions by bringing the possibility to attention before It's Not My Fault even released.

So, if Kotoko's defense is simply Mu's repackaged brand of God can't women do anything? Why would that be reasonable enough justification for the tangible damage we may be about to see Kotoko's actions cause. What if just like in Mu's case where we see her bullying her victim, we see Kotoko attacking those kids?

Will that defense of can't women do anything really be able to justify that sort of behavior? Well given Amane's tanking verdict being assigned female at birth may just be something the fandom considers a valid excuse for abusing children. I've seen so many people justify Amane's mother's behavior by saying she was indoctrinated too, it's hard to raise a child by oneself the father was always away, maybe she wasn't mentally well etc. Once again showing of that if a character is an adult woman, they're actions and the tangible harm they cause can be justified in a myriad of ways.

Unless they're Mahiru trial one and too conventionally feminine then the only way their behavior can be justified is if they're beat within an inch of their fucking life-

Mahiru's first trial was a case of god can't women do anything? This Is How To Be In Love With You was literally just her going around town and having fun we didn't even see anyone die and she got voted Guilty. For what because people found her personality clingy and obnoxious. Because she was far too traditionally feminine for people's liking. Yet, people want to cry misogyny for Kotoko.

The one who jumped Mahiru on very little information because it was solely based on a judgement Es made based on multiple assumptions that while not disproven were not all completely true.

Like she clearly wasn't a fucking stalker she knew this person and they were together that was clear from the fucking first song. Even during her second trial Mahiru didn't get the whole gendered excuse of can't women do anything as much as people are trying to force it on Kotoko. The focus was literally on her being injured to shit and getting harshly and hastily judged for literally just being hyper feminine.

Then the only way people could justify her actions in I Love You without taking that into consideration wasn't through engaging with her character fully and discussing her overly sheltered homelife mixed with a clear immense fear of abandonment and inadequacy which lead to unhealthy ways of seeking validation but by infantilizing her and calling her delusional. Something that if tied to her femininity would be inherently sexist.

Then we've been given an even greater example of the gender bias within the Milgram fandom through Yuno and Kazui during round two.

A situation that speaks for itself. Yuno says the person most like her is Kazui with no hesitation or doubt. Stating this about the both of them on her birthday,

"Haha, we both lie, don't we? The difference is the reason for lying. Kazui-san, you lie to protect yourself, because you're important to yourself. For me, no one is particularly important. That includes myself as well."

Bluntly stating that she lies but unlike Kazui who has a reason for her lies she has none. As Yuno has made clear from the beginning, there is no justification for her actions. She doesn't view them as good or bad but as things she just wanted to do. Which is why she's only gotten increasingly upset by the audience attaching justifications to her choices because to her that may just remove the weight of those things being her choices.

She doesn't wish to have these labels attached to her behavior or excuses being made for what she did. She'd much rather beg to be forgiven herself if it came to that than have people that know nothing about her make assertions about her life and reasoning.

Because what's important to Yuno is being true to herself and she doesn't have to care about anyone even herself to just do what she wants to do.

Q.04 What’s the origin of your name?

Haruka: Apparently my parents wanted a girl. It was decided on long before I was born.

Yuno: It means to be kind and true to myself. [TN: Literal meaning of the kanji 優 (yu) and 乃 (no) respectively which make up her name.]

Source: Rochisama

Instead of interacting with that more difficult to grasp part of her character people decided to simplify her once again. Because viewing characters one enjoys as just one thing is simple, it's fun. It's not challenging or messy. Because no one has to bother with those strange technicalities or hypocrisies. They can just sit back and enjoy themselves.

If things are simple, then everyone will have fun. If things are simple, then you won't have to be bothered. If things are simple, then people can still dream. If it's simple, then an apology can just solve everything. It it's simple then it can be put in a way anyway can understand and everyone will want to listen. If it's simple, then you can tell how your life is meant to be but most importantly if it's simple it can still feel good.

Life isn't simple, judging people isn't simple, punishing people isn't simple, looking at things for what they are isn't simple. Because the truth is objective it won't always feel good. Yet, looking away from it in order to spare one's own ego does nothing but allow people's self-induced ignorance the opportunity to grow into someone else's pain.

#milgram #yuzuriha kotoko

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midnightkolrath · 4 months

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Looking over 'Fire Inside' abit more deeply

Well, with my first impressions I put out when the full lyrics weren't out yet and I was playing it by ear....

Well NOW the lyrics are out there, so you know what that means. Time for me to look them over and see what each part may mean...in my own thoughts, of course.

Putting under a Read More because it gonna be a kinda long one. I thank anyone who takes the time to humor me in reading my thought dumps;;

Video note: Visuals show Dante during this first part, so its likely meant to be taken in his perspective...buuut I'll take time to see it in the eyes of both twins, whenever possible. It later swaps to Vergil visually for a section of lyrics too, buuut I'll probably condense both twins there too. I'll color code each one based on how the video had either Dante, Vergil or Both in visuals.

I'm also obviously gonna go over each lyric once, since songs are songs and repeat their chrous, ect. I probably won't note down EVERY bit of lyric, but pretty much ones that I have thoughts on.

I know its been stated that the song is pretty much about Dante and Vergil, buuut some other thoughts/ideas sneak in too.

Also another note: I know this song was made for the mobile game, Peak of Combat, but the fact that it takes place around the DMC3 era with some...[cough] liberties, I'm gonna focus alot on that.

Darkened Dynasty Endless Rivalry Meeting Violently You can't change me

[Darkened Dynasty] may be referring to Dante's general thoughts about his father during this point of time, as the setting is based around DMC3. Dante has distaste towards his father at this point in time, even telling Vergil that he "has no father" during their first encounter. He really has sour feelings against his father's side, so he may feel that its on the darkened end for him.

On Vergil's end, it may be him feeling that his lack of power that he feels he has is affecting him in a sense that he feels he can't live up to his father's legacy while also having feelings of failure in protecting his mother. Hell, his whole quest to gain power is majorly in part due to the trauma he suffered following his mother's death and the fact that he had to force himself to grow up almost immediately after his family was attacked by demons. He was 7-8 years old then and had alot of time roaming alone to stir and think about it. The conclusion of him personally thinking he was a failure in several cases to his family while thinking he should take up his father's power because he feels himself best to utilise it....alot of layers there. I could go on more here but we'd be here for ages, lmao

[Endless Rivalry] is obviously referring to the rivalry between the twins. When you think about it, Sibling Rivalry is pretty endless…regardless if its on a lighter end or not. Its always gonna be there, in one shape or form. Of course, by this point during DMC3, the rivalry of Dante and Vergil is at their peak on the goal of just wanting to best the other in pure combat. In the first fight, there's really only aggression with the goal of putting the other down. Of course, it eventually simmers down into a more casual rivalry with a light competitive edge by the end of DMC5, buuut you know.

[Meeting Violently] is pretty much how Dante and Vergil pretty much always meet when crossing paths....the DMC1 prequel novel (well, before Gilver was retconned as a clone made by Mundus), the DMC3 manga and game, DMC1 with Vergil as Nelo Angelo, and DMC5 after Vergil reunites himself. Though the tone is different per each situation, its like they're destined to always meet again this way...though after DMC5, that'll likely change with their relationship slowly turning around.

First its Ebony Then its Ivory Making Revelry You can't save me

The [ebony and ivory] lines are very much obviously Dante's perspective, with how he always pulls them out for a fight...buuut seeing as how the twins often clash, I would see this from Vergil's perspective on what he may see while they fight.

[Making Revelry] is a fun one, because revelries tend to refer to parties....which Dante and Vergil quip about during their first fight in 3. Dante jokes about how much the "party" Vergil set up for them sucks, while Vergil responds with how he was "so excited to see him that he couldn't concentrate on preparations for the bash". So this line can be referring to their clash as a "party" they're making together through combat.

[You can't save me]...oh boy. I wouldponder this one for Dante's case, but here I can't help but think about the end of 3 and how Dante was able to save his brother from falling into the demon world. I do wonder if Dante thought, in his perspective that he knew he couldn't save Vergil but he still had to try. In Vergil's case...I think he felt the same. He threw away the sheath to Yamato upon preparing to fight Mundus after all...which usually means that either it wasn't going to be a fight he was going to back down from....or he knew it was a slim chance of victory. He tosses aside Yamato's sheath in DMC5 as well, before splitting himself into V and Urizen....which makes me believe in both cases it was moreso that he knew he likely wasn't going to survive as his full self again...or he wasn't backing down his decision.

Can't stop and I will never hit the breaks All nine levels and no matter what it takes All these places and their shadow figured shapes Bouta make their last mistakes There are no more escapes

Now this whole part screams Dante for me, honestly...which I mean, makes sense.

[Can't stop and I will never hit the breaks] is like Dante hyping up to do what he does best in demon slaying. He's usually a loose cannon, especially at this age, so it makes sense.

[All nine levels] is a cheeky one, because its very likely referring to the 9 circles of hell in Dante's Inferno. Which...you know. Is where Dante got his namesake alongside the Divine Comedy. (Well its moreso the poet himself, who uuuh practically wrote self insert fanfics but ya know-).

The rest of the lyrics is pretty much Dante raving about getting to kick demon ass as per usual. Like hell yeah, slay those demons. I could see this as a like on Vergil's end too, with how he's usually ruthless against demons that get in his way.

Branches Entwine Through the dark so we can find Ourselves in time

Before we lose our mind

These bunch of lyrics have me thinking on how this may refer to Dante and Vergil's paths always being intertwined with each other as the sons of sparda. DMC3 has a moment of Dante even pointing out that they're the halves of the same whole, with carrying the soul of their father's legacy. So...its like destiny. Even if its not a direct involvement too...Nero came from Vergil, so Vergil's shadow is felt in nearly every game one way or another. (2 is practically the only exclusion but....2 is 2 soo...).

I also wonder if it could also be referring to how the twins may be looking to find 'themselves' in time before their next conflict....before its too late. Dante goes through an arc in 3 to find a reason for himself to ultimately keep going and attempt to stop his brother....and it keeps going from place to place from there. Vergil mainly has his big arc in 5 and pretty much the VoV manga, since V is a part of himself. It took Vergil longer, but with Bury the light, he did manage to eventually find himself again. DMC5 could've ended up in the 'too late' puddle had Nero not intercepted the two, but thankfully that wasn't the case and the two brothers are reunited on a lighter field where they easily could've killed each other.

All lain aside It's written in our blood Two souls divide

[Its written in our blood, Two souls divide]. Now this not only has me thinking about the whole two souls line near the climax of the game, but also the fact that the tower needs the twins' blood to open the gate to the demon world. (Also Lady's, but you know, parts of a whole puzzle).

Our roots beneath the flood We've lost control Angels with bells do toll No we can't hide The fire inside

[Angels with bells do toll] has me thinking about the tower in 3 and how it has bells which, iirc, represent the seven deadly sins. I think they're also meant to be like angels screaming/singing when rang which uh...I guess its not so much a fun fact, but its what I think of here. Still having that DMC3 ties here, lmaooo

[No we can't hide, The fire inside] is the main chrous and where the name of the song comes from and it pretty much sums Dante and Vergil's rivalry relationship. There's always gonna be that inner fire inside each of them that sparks that very rivalry.

Another casualty Done waiting patiently Call me your majesty Don't take too long

[Another casualty, Done waiting patiently] is like...for me, its either referring to the fact that...you know. Many people likely died when the tower was risen up in 3 and how Vergil was pretty much done and set towards his path at that point. OR the many demons Vergil had slain while getting where he needed to go in the tower while waiting on Arkham to let him know that Dante still had and was taking care of his half of the amulet.

[Call me your majesty] has me pondering if its a foreshadow towards Vergil splitting into Urizen, who takes the mantle of Demon King. With V fusing back with him to bring about Vergil's rebirth...he's still technically a Demon King, right? He ate the fruit to carry that title, so...well. I mean. Its not like the demons in the demon realm would accept a son of sparda holding the title, until he'd put them in their place over it. Man, now I'm curious about that. Maybe one day we'll see that in play...maybe not. Its a silly side thought.

[Don't take too long] has me wondering if this is Vergil waiting at the top of the tower in 3 for Dante to come along so they can have their clash...or Vergil's inner thoughts on telling himself not to take too long in gaining the power he wants.

It's my reality Under the canopy Of moonlit tragedy I don't belong

[It's my reality, Under the canopy, Of moonlit tragedy] are lyrics I wanted to cover all in a row here. I think they may be referring to how Vergil sees his own reality under the cover of not just conflict with his brother at the top of the tower in the path of gaining power...atleast that's how I see the moonlit tragedy connecting, obviously...but also...the attack against his family back when he was a child took place at night. (Atleast that's what I take from the context of the depiction from VoV), so...moonlit tragedy could also refer to that. Probably thinking abit too hard there, but I can see it appliable there too.

[I don't belong] has me thinking abit on how this may be referring to how Vergil thinks he doesn't belong among humanity (he looks down on them after all early on), OR how he personally feels he doesn't belong with his brother. He did put out an offer to Dante in the DMC3 manga to join him in his personal quest, but Dante obviously turned it down. The lyric kinda reminded me of that. They're all the family they have left for each other, but their souls and goals are so at odds that it just wasn't meant to be....until DMC5 that is. Now they're together through thick and thin.

Can't stop and I will never veil my name Buried lights and I've hidden all my shame Will keep fighting till there's nothing left to claim Watch my blade is taking aim And you're gonna end in flame

[Can't stop and I will never veil my name] has me thinking about the lyric from Bury the Light. 'I am the reclaimer of my name'...I'm curious if its a cheeky reference, and I wouldn't doubt it. The lyric has me think that this is Vergil stating that he won't stop on his path to power and never lose sight of his goals...but alas, with how DMC3 ends, he not only ends up losing that for himself but he literally does lose his name. Mundus reshapes him into Nelo Angelo rather than 'Vergil'. So with Bury the Light, and how there's a lyric about how he reclaims his own name, I've kinda always seen that as him reclaiming who he is...especially after his rebirth.

[Buried lights and I've hidden all my shame] is another cheeky Bury the light reference I'm sure. I wanna do a deeper dive on the lyrics of that song down the line, especially with how Casey himself has put down the general meaning and storytelling of it. But here I see that Vergil's trying to bury parts about himself...namely the trauma he's had to endure in his childhood. The "shame" he sees himself having, all to do with that one tragic moment. What matters to him is power and never having to feel so weak and helpless again....as much as he even shoves the real reason for wanting power in the first place. Its why V laments about it in the VoV manga, I feel. Vergil is never one to really show any hint of vulnerability for himself...with us only being able to even see it through V.

[Will keep fighting till there's nothing left to claim] is a lyric I think just generally just fits Vergil. He wants power and won't let anyone stand in his way for his pursuit of it. Urizen is like a VERY clear showcase of that. I'm also thinking about DMC3's ending with him trying to take on Mundus and being so determined to even try. Plus his final fight with Dante and wanting to claim force edge.

Inside of me Don't push beneath Now I must prey Don't drift away

These lyrics, I'm like...I'm thinking about Devil Trigger (Which is more Nero's theme, but I'm mentioning anyway due to the lyrics I'm thinking of) and Subhuman....and how there's parts that refer to struggling to control the inner demons inside. I always thought about how Dante, Vergil and Nero have their DT forms and how that side of them is probably hard to control at times. Vergil, I feel, eventually controls it more sooner (Which makes sense since he picked up on getting DT first over Dante).

I'm not possessed I just can't rest All trees decay Endless dismay

[All trees decay, Endless dismay] has me wondering like...whoa is this referring to the 'family tree' and how the Sparda family is pretty much just....broken in many respects. Tragically. Part of my mind brings me to the tree in DMC5 but I have a high chance on it not referring to that. :' P

Dante also ends up losing Vergil at the end of 3, which contributes to the whole 'family tree being symbolizing as decaying' because...wow, Dante lost the other other family member he had left. And it affects him ALOT afterwards.

I've said before that there's a reason why I like this song and its grown on me and I think I've showcased why abit, hah. Its good when you dig deeper into it, just like Devil Trigger and Bury the Light.

#devil may cry #dmc #leo's dmc analysis #can you tell I've been thinking about this song all day #pardon if some thoughts may appear slightly scatterbrained #sometimes i think way too ahead of myself lmao #but if anyone has their own thoughts about the song #feel free to put them out #i'm curious

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plutoswrath · 2 years

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Hey Luca, how's it going? I'm really not if you've ever done this before a long time ago but now I want to know your observations on the red flags in composite. Specifically romantically, like case in point 'forget commitment, could this possibly lead to heartbreak or a tragedy full of regrets'? Just to keep in mind of them since I know we each have to give our inputs in a relationship :D

𝕮𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖑 𝖆𝖘𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖕𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖙

Hello! I've written a post about 'key placements' in synastry and composite and what to look out for, you can look at it here, maybe it'll help you too! x

A reminder, that your natal chart and synastry will play a huge role in how you'll personally experience and deal with these aspects and placements! And yes it's true, regardless of certain aspects and placements in composite you can still have a succesfull and loving connection! I can confirm, the people that are basically my soulmates and the loves of my life that stuck with me through thick and thin share stereotypical 'horrible' composite with me lmao not even our synastry is that great but we lead very healthy and loving friendships <333

Disclaimer: I will focus on the WORST outcome of these aspects, if you are easily triggered by these hypothetical possibilities I'll advice you to NOT read this post! Thank you x

✦ First of all, I want to talk about Pluto in the Composite: critcal placements of and aspects to Pluto can create power struggles, mind games, secrets, paranoia, insecurities and at worst (I repeat, this is only the worst case scenario!!) forms of abuse due to that in a connection. I would say every harsh aspect to Pluto and the personal planets or the angles can feel deeply uncomfortable over time, but I will focus on a few aspecs that I want to highlight since I think they can be especially precarious in a composite chart.

✦ Moon square/Inconjunct Pluto: Will start out with this banger aspect and just straight up say that especially if Neptune and Mercury are also critcally aspected and you have 8th and 12th house placements ON TOP of that then there's going to be lots of build up emotions, trust issues, fear if re-living old trauma, assumptions, and power struggles due to that. Attachement issues. One person might be more visbly emotionally distressed due to the paranoia and feel unsafe in the relationship, the other person might withhold information/feelings and will grow the resentment quietly, but both parts will try to control the situation on their own. The advice here is to be open and upfront with feelings, to talk about worries and especially to be open with any sort of trust issues/past bad experiences you fear of resurfacing! No power plays, both partners need to be willing to be honest and be completely vulnerable. Emotions should be validated, heard and the worries of the other handled with care and grace. This aspect can harvest a lot dark and negative emotions quickly, watch out for it to not become a self fulfilling prophecy.

TW ✦ Mars square/inconjunct (would even say conjunction has the potential too) Pluto, especially if it's in a water house: The build up to the explosion might take a while, but both can probably easily feel the underlying tension. Both want to have it their way, and here, values and deep rooted fears and intenalized beliefs play a role in it. We deal here with the instinctive flight, fight or fright response, only in this case chances are high that this will be pure fight (in the passive way Pluto plots its revenge though). It can be an aggressive aspect and in my opinion way nastier than harsh aspects between Mars and Sun, because at worst (!), this can be about emotionally, mentally and physically controlling and therefore abusing the other. While Mars and Sun in negative aspects can be equally frustrating, this aspect can point and reveal to painful truths, fears and insecurities about the people involved. Lovers to enemies trope, seeing each other as a thread. I think water houses make it worse because these houses deal with our psyche and emotions, our uttermost vulnerable parts, great damage can be done here. For example if you'd have this aspect in the 4th house, your home could be a psychological battelgound. The fighting could happen at home, behind close doors, etc. END TW

✦ Sun square/inconjunct/opposite/conjunct Pluto: The theme of power and power struggles can become the core themes of the connection. Therefore this can be rally exhausting over time, both people feel like they are constantly trying each other (even if the other didn't do so) and that they can't catch a break when they're together. It's like there's always something waiting around the corner they have to tackle. One or both can be too demanding of another. If feelings fade, both might be afraid that the relationship loses its meaning and becomes too dull. This is were the constant emotional highs and intensity will show their addictive side and cause fear of the mundane, the healthy.

✦ Pluto can be tricky in every house, but I'll say in the composite I'd say the 1st, 4th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 10th and 12th house can be the most complicated ones, but it's really dependent on other aspects and influences. The 12th house especially can point to the relationship ending by some bitter truths being revealed, leading to a painful end.

✦ Neptune square/inconjunct the personal planets: Do I have to say it? You called it, it's mainly about the dellusion aspect and yes, it's necessary to acknowledge that both parties can chase a dream that might not be really found in reality. It can lead to deceiving behaviour, idealization, lying, strong disappointment and even resentment when finding out the other person/relationship is not living up to your dreams. It can also talk about trying to make the relationship work, when outer circumstances are working against it! Here, I want to mention Uranus. While Uranus in harsh aspects to the personal planets can point to on-off behaviour and feelings, I think more often it can also lead to outer circumstances forcing you to be physically apart. Due to sudden events, you might spend lots of times apart, having to rely other forms of communication and socializing to keep the connection alive.

✦ Generational planets conjunct/in close harsh aspects to Saturn: Can feel like outer circumstances breaking your foundation apart. It's not like you can't work this out, but can feel like your world is falling apart in one minute, with Saturn being nvolved the two people can feel way top defeated and pessimistic to try again or fight against outer circumstances and individual shortcomings to try again and make the connection work.

✦ Personal planets conjunct/in harsh aspect to Chiron:This doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, but given the nature of Chiron, definitely worth a mention. Especially when Moon and Venus are involved, loving each other is working through pain and healing together, Being vulnerable and intimate with each other can bring the biggest pain, but also the biggest reward. Love that feels heavy and dutiful, love that requires high amount of maturity (!). Both need to be responsible for their own pain. Being together might feel bittersweet. Similar feelings can arise with Chiron in the 8th, 7th, 12th, 1st.

✦ Black Moon Lilith being strongly present in the composite chart: I'm talking close aspects, contacts to the personal planets, the angles, NN/SN. BML can point to self destructive behavior. Two people acting out on their desires too much, indulging fully in chaotic energy without caring about the consequences. This pair might have to undergo a lot of judgement and stares from the public, which can tear them apart too. One part tries to controle the Lilith nature of the other. In general, in order to benefit from srong Lilith energy in composite and synastry both people have to respect the other and have to align their individuals powers! Disputes due to different values and ownership can occure as well with Lilith being prominent in this chart.

✦ This is not an aspect, but look at aspect patterns in your chart and potential apex planets in order to identify re-occuring themes and problems in your relationship!

✦ People often are often afraid about (personal) planets in the 12th/8th house or stelliums there, since they can indicate secrets or hiding the partner/relationship from the public, but I would digress and say that these placements grand two people extreme intimacy, the only thing I'd suggest is to always communicate, be transparent and give each other the emotional space and time to open up and grow together in a very natural and authentic way.

✦ Sun in conflicting aspects to Moon, Venus, Mars, Saturn, more so when multiple of these planets form tight, critical aspects with the Sun: Can indicate that there are just certain parts 'missing' in the connection that would lead to emotional and physical fulfillment that you need to address and work on. Again, Mars and Sun can talk about a clash of egos and pulling towards different directions, too much egocentrism, no team player mentality, lack of direction, Saturn often hints towards outer circumstances making it harder for two people to be together, both can be very pessimistic and have a hard time continuing to invest into the relationship.

✦ Having a very prominent, very afflicted Jupiter: Jupiter is the point in composite were our (shared) hopes, desires and talents come together, were we collaborate in order to create our own luck and strive for it, it's the soul of the relationship. Having Jupiter in a critical position can lead to a lack of fulfillment, we feel like our soul can't grow and expand in the relationship, uninspired to make the best out of life.

Credit: plutoswrath on tumblr, 2022. Please don't copy and repost my work.

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nymphie-mama · 2 years

Text

DREAM COME TRUE

PAIRING: JJ Maybank x best friend!reader

WC: 1.4k

SUMMARY: in which reader has a dream about JJ, and he can’t wait to make it come true.

WARNINGS: stoned sex, smoking (wrap it up), riding, oral (fem), not public but friends def know about it

A/N: there is a mention of smoking weed and i 100% forgot about it so it’s technically stoned sex, but there’s no mention of it haha

“I’m going to text him right now. He’s right there,” Kiara said, pulling out her phone.

“No! I don’t want my best friend to know I had a dream about him,” Y/N said, taking Kiara’s phone from her hands.

“He’s more than your best friend, clearly. You had a dream that JJ literally ruined you, c’mon now,” Sarah cut in, giggling.

They went back and forth, bickering about Y/N telling JJ about her very apparent feelings. Sitting in the screen room of the chateau while the boys were inside, probably playing games or shit-talking, just like the girls were. Like his ears were burning, he stepped into the sunroom.

“Ladies!” he said, waving them inside the door, “Your presence is required in the humble chateau.” He had used his most royal-sounding tone as he held the door open for the girls.

“Thank you, kind sir,” Y/N said while glaring at Sarah and Kiara behind her. She mumbled something to JJ and they were both off.

When they came back, Sarah was snickering and JJ had a bright smile on his face; showing both something smug and something cheerful.

Now, Y/N had to admit, she’s always seen JJ as something more than a best friend. But her dream had only proved it. Seeing all the ways he could give her relief, regardless of when, where, or how, had broadened her view of the blond boy. Just the way he smiled or said her name could have a pool forming from her heat. That doesn’t even go to mention the brisk touches he gives her or the eye contact he entices when he’s driving or rolling a blunt.

However, Sarah must’ve told him exactly what the dream had entailed. In part, Y/N can’t be mad, as she sort of wants him to know (plus, why would she tell Kiara and Sarah of all people if not to get an outcome), but when JJ sits awfully close to Y/N, an unsettling nervous feel in her stomach.

All six of the pogues are passing around a blunt, listening to music, and playing jokes on each other for some time; all the while, JJ is finding sure fire ways to sneakily trail up her skin, laughing at the way she cautiously squirms under him.

“I heard that someone is thinking naughty things about me,” he said, leaning into her ear, still looking across from him at John B. A smirk broke across his face at the lack of response, “I can never get enough of you. The way you look at me, the way you move. It’s never enough, Y/N.”

His hand was skating up her thigh, carefully, but steadily. He kept close eye contact with everyone around him except her. “I see the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice; the way your legs cross. There’s so many things I want to do to you, pretty girl, I’m not even sure where to start.” He knew, good and well, what we was doing to her; that the pool between her legs was only growing.

“Why are you doing this, JJ?” Y/N asked, leaning into his ear too. She could see Sarah and Kiara giggling in her peripheral.

“I just want to make your dreams come true, princess,” he whispered again, one hand around her shoulders, the other agonizingly close to her heat, “It’s all I want- you.” Her eyes rolled just at the thought and he laughed again. “I’ll taste you, then you can ride me. Say the word, and I’m yours.”

“How badly do you want me?”

“Like hell. I think about you all the fucking time, Y/N.”

She hesitated but nonetheless, got up from the sofa, “I’m going to go lay down, I’m not feeling well. G’night.”

JJ followed, mumbling something back that had the whole group laughing, and Y/N suddenly felt nervous again. In the spare room- JJ’s, really- he wasted no time bringing his mouth to hers. “I want to kiss you everywhere,” he said, against her lips, groaning as Y/N bit his bottom lip to bring him back. He waited a moment then brought his lips down her neck and upper chest, breathless at the way she gasped under him. “Can I touch you?” he asked, already pulling off her dress and bringing her onto the bed.

“God, yes. Please,” she said, breathlessly. And yet, she still managed to pull him back up and kiss him again. They were still kissing, tongues exploring each other’s mouths as JJ slid his right hand down, hooking his fingers in her panties, teasing. His hands felt under her waistband as he kissed the beautiful valley between her breasts. Slowly, but surely, he found his way to her entrance, and she immediately felt on top of the world.

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so wet. All because of me?” He kissed down her stomach, leaving bruises and all the while plunging two long fingers in and out of her. Her body arched against him with each press, his fingers arched just right. JJ brought his mouth to her cunt, tongue flitting at her clit. His fingers didn’t stop thrusting while he switched to lightly sucking on her mound.

Y/N’s hands were itching at his scalp just as she started to clench around his fingers. He groaned against her, moving the tip of his tongue in a careful, guided track. The band in her stomach snapped just as her head hit the pillow and eyes rolled back so she’d see stars; the blond looked at her head, clearly smiling onto her.

Her high was relieved as JJ kissed back up her body, “God, you taste-”

“Oh god, don’t say it,” she said, covering her face.

“Hell no, you taste like fucking opium.” He didn’t let her create a reply, quickly pushing her hands out of her face and bringing his mouth to hers again. “I want you all over- all of you,” he added, mouth just below her ear, nibbling on it just barely finishing his sentence. Without another coherent thought, Y/N was reaching for his shorts, hooking her fingers into his boxer’s waistband along with it.

Just as his hard cock was freed, springing out against his abdomen, he flipped them so that Y/N was sitting on top of him. Y/N reached over, grabbing and opening a condom for JJ. She didn’t hesitate before aligning herself onto him, immediately gasping and putting her hands onto his chest frantically. JJ’s hands flew to her waist as she bottomed out on him, waiting for her to adjust.

In fact, he waited a little too long for a sign, as she started finding her rhythm on her own, rolling her hips over him and eyes fluttering shut. Regardless of this, JJ kept his hands on her hips, guiding her. “Holy- it’s so big.”

“And you’re taking it so well- fuck,” JJ panted, interrupted by Y/N’s movements. She leaned down, kissing him hungrily along his jaw, neck, and chest, still furling her waist. Her kisses, open-mouthed and moans sending chills down his spine, tread as far down his chest as her body would allow. As she lifted herself up and down on him, his cock started twitching. “Baby-”

“Cum, it’s okay,” she said, swallowing his final groans in another hungry kiss. He sighed, eyes screwed shut, signifying his release. His left hand went up her back, right rubbing determined circled on her clit, bringing her closer to her release. “Mark me yours, please, J,”

“What?” he laughed, “Where?”

“Wherever you want.” That was all it took before he was reaching up so that Y/N was practically straddling him, and leaving hickies all over her. Her neck, breasts, and collar were bruised in purple and brown blurbs that would last for days.

Still rubbing on her mound, it was only a moment’s notice before her coil snapped for a second time that night. She rode out her high over exhaustedly, as euphoria overflowed her like she was the queen. He carefully pulled out, giving Y/N a t-shirt of his and throwing one on himself before sneaking to the bathroom and warming up a towel to clean her up. Just as they were clean off and tired, she fell onto his chest, comfortably.

“Do our friends know that we just did this?”

“Definitely. Was this as good as your little dream? And do these markings make you mine?”

“Better than that. Definitely.”

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cerise-on-top · 5 months

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I love the Against PDA Laswell/Valeria x Jealous fem reader! Thank you so much!

Kate Laswell x GN reader

After a bad marriage, Kate never thought she would have another chance for a relationship

Then 💥BOOM💥 reader appears in her life!

But there's a problem....

Kate and her Ex partner have a daughter (Kate LOVES her daughter)

But she doesn't like the reader...

No pressure, take your time 🫶 and take care

You're welcome! That was a lot of fun to write! I got a bit carried away on this one, so it's quite long, sorry about that! This idea was really cute, inspiration really struck me on that one! Thank you for requesting it! Thank you for requesting in general, especially for the girls! I love them, but it's a genuine shame they don't seem to get as much love as the guys!!

Reader is gn. Only thing I can think of is that Kate's daughter, Luna, was about to get abducted, but reader saved her, so nothing bad happens aside from that. Luna and reader get along later, though, because I'm a sucker for happy endings and want Laswell, reader and their daughter to have a lovely future together. Some parts are almost like a drabble, other parts are more headcanon-y.

Remarried!Laswell, her daughter and Reader

It’s one thing to have the love of your life leave, all the memories, the good and bad, the small trinkets here and there, even just a small dessert call upon feelings that are much better left behind, left in the dark where no one could find them. If only it was that easy. During spring cleanings, Kate would find something to remind her of her ex wife every time. A brooch with a sapphire in the middle, an old recipe book, the very first wooly hat Kate’s wife picked out for their daughter, Luna. It was tiny, bearing the motive of snowflakes on a pink background. And to think their daughter has long since grown out of it. Time really does pass, regardless of whether you’re enjoying the moment or wishing the past had never happened. A few years ago, Kate’s heart would have been torn upon finding it, slashed open to show the insides of a still beating and bleeding heart. But that was the past. She had always been a strong woman, she had no choice, after all.

It was her wife, who gave birth to Luna, and it shows. She took after her so much, from the color of her eyes, her height, even her nose was reminiscent of her ex wife. She was absolutely gorgeous in Kate’s eyes. Her little girl grew and grew, but no matter how old she was, that was still her little girl. While Kate may not get the chance to see her all that often, a few times a year at most, both of them are usually overjoyed when they do get to spend time with each other. Even at 14, when it’s almost embarrassing to be seen with your parents, her daughter couldn’t hide her growing smile whenever she saw her mother. It was familial love in its purest form.

And eventually, you came along. Beautiful you, who was patient and understanding towards Kate. Caring you, who wouldn’t rush her into something she wasn’t ready for just yet while listening to her every woe whenever the melancholy of her ex wife caught up with her. Dazzling you, who gave her another chance at romantic love, slowly mending the holes in her heart. It was a give and take, always: No matter what it was you gave Kate, she’d return it tenfold. You, in turn, would do so as well. A kiss would turn into a necklace bearing a genuine ruby, an intimate and loving night into a vacation on the mountains or the beach. It took a while, but eventually Kate was sure you were the one. Someone, who would never betray her, someone, who would stay by her side, even when the world would stand against her. She was willing to arrange the most dangerous of missions for her most trusted people if something would ever happen to you. Kate was capable of pulling just about any string, get a favorable outcome eventually.

But no matter what she did, Luna simply didn’t seem to approve of you.

It started off with a simple mention of you. First, a friend. Her daughter didn’t seem to mind. She was glad someone was able to make her mother smile again. But when it turned into something more, something more serious, she would frown. An annoyed quip, a passive-aggressive remark, it was evident that no matter what Kate would tell her about you, the latter would react negatively. Regardless of whether you tripped while taking out the trash or proposing to your then girlfriend.

It would take a while for you to actually meet her daughter, but when you did she seemed distant at best and annoyed at worst. Anger wasn’t the solution to anything, so you tried to engage in conversation with her, give her small gifts you thought she might like. Christmas, Easter, Halloween, her birthday, you never forgot about her. But no matter how much effort you put into slowly building a relationship with her, you were rejected. She had two parents, she didn’t need a third one. You knew Luna was Kate’s everything, which is why it hurt twice as much when she seemed to hate you. Afraid of making things potentially worse, you were unsure whether or not you should keep going, it seemed almost pointless. Even when Kate told her daughter to be nice to you, to give you a chance at the very least, it didn’t seem to help.

In a cruel turn of events, disaster has struck. You were tasked to escort Luna home, you and Kate did live together, after all. A young girl and her “parent” usually wasn't something many people would look at twice, it was among the most ordinary things. After dusk, when the sun was barely enveloping the world in its warm rays, three men walked in your direction. Maybe it was your gut feeling telling you to be more aware of your surroundings, maybe Kate had told you to be extra careful these days and nights. Either way, they stopped walking when the two of you got closer. By then, even Luna seemed to realize something awful was about to happen. Just as you were about to walk towards the other street, two of the men lunged out at you, going after her.

This wasn’t something that should have happened, so for a split second you froze before reacting, Luna screaming out already. Even though both of you were shocked, scared out of your mind as she was dragged away into the nearest alley, something within you sparked. You were hoping you’d never need them, but Kate had given you lessons on how to defend yourself if you ever needed to, and this time was as drastic as it could possibly be. Using your knowledge on martial arts, you were able to take one of them down as quickly as possible, having him writhe in pain on the ground, unable to compose himself anymore. The third guy advanced towards you, thinking you to be easy prey still. He was taken care of even more quickly than the first one, adrenaline coursing through you. Your legs carried you at a speed even the raging storms would envy, Luna looking back at you, yelling for help still. Her mother wasn’t around, you were the only safer person left, the only aid in a battle she likely would have never won on her own.

She struggled, resisted the creep to the best of her abilities, flailing, biting, screaming. It was enough to buy you time to get to her. As he turned to you, you jabbed your index and middle finger on the spot underneath the larynx. Curses escaped him as he released her, holding onto his throat while gagging. Barely put together, he stretched his arm backwards, an obvious attempt at hitting you, the perfect opening. In a swift motion, you deflected him, taking his arm instead while using your knee to kick him in the groin. A direct hit, leaving him incapable of doing much else aside from whining on the ground, making the most pathetic noises imaginable to man. It mattered not, Luna was more important than anything else. Despite being aware of her dislike for you, this was an exception: You grabbed her by the arm, dragging her out of the alley and to the nearest light post.

She was quaking, her eyes watery as she bit back tears. This was no moment to show weakness in front of you. As she bit her lip, the force was enough to make it bleed, she took a deep breath while you looked her over, making sure she wasn’t injured. A few bruises would form from the rough treatment, but she’d be alright. You wanted to comfort her right now, tell her that she was safe, that you’d make sure not a single pig on this planet would harm her, but you couldn’t focus on that solely. What you had to do was make sure she’d get back home safely to her mother. Kate would kill you if something happened to her, or worse.

You hurried home, never letting go of her, your eyes darting around the streets. Barely anyone was out. Apologies and promises of safety, you spoke them all in a determined tone.

Luna looked at you as you pulled her along. Your touch wasn’t dreadful this time, it was far from detestable. Your hand was warm on her arm, your presence comforting. Maybe you weren’t such a horrible person to have around. And maybe, just maybe, you could keep Kate safe, too. Keep her happy, make sure she can smile forever, give her the solace you gave Luna just now. She wanted to stop, stand still and apologize for the treatment she had given you, it wasn’t fair. Not to you, not to her mother. But she kept going, her home perhaps a minute from where she currently was.

Only when the door fell closed behind you, after you locked it, could you finally take a breather. Luna was still shaken, but nowhere close to tears. Uneven breathing was all that plagued her, but she was finally safe again.

It was time to release her, apologizing for touching her without her consent. But for once, those eyes that seemed to show but resentment for you, they were tired. Although you had let go of her, it was her turn to hold your wrist, a small plea, almost silent, begging for you to not go just yet. It wasn’t your place to refuse and thus you gave her a nod, calming down from your own high. Your voice was so much more gentle than before. How was she feeling? Where was she hurt? Would she be alright?

There was barely a response, only one you could really understand.

You weren’t a monster, you weren’t going to drain the happiness from everyone she ever loved, Luna finally understood that. While your voice may have just barely reached you, she stood completely still for a few seconds before wrapping her arms around you, face buried in your shoulder. You were a good person, she was going to be okay. Everything was okay. She had her mothers and you.

A tight hug, you’d return it any day, looking to the corner of your eye as you noticed some movement there. It was Kate, shocked and worried, immediately rushing to her girl’s side, asking her what’s wrong. This wasn’t something Kate shouldn’t have known about, so with as much calmness as you could muster, you explained the situation to her. Luna carefully turned to her mother, Kate instinctively took her into her arms.

Sitting her down onto the couch, both of you stayed with her the entire night, even when she had fallen asleep. Small conversations sound through the living room. Kate couldn’t thank you enough. Her world was with her still, unscathed and mostly unharmed, because of your quick judgment and your capabilities. This was something she could never repay you for, even if you gave her an eternity of time. It was a rare sight to see Kate in any amount of disarray. She was of calm mind anytime, no matter what. Strong-willed, cunning, brave. Even she had her weaknesses.

But as concerned as she was during that night, she could notice a change in the atmosphere soon enough. Luna’s words weren’t malicious towards you anymore. A smile here, a chuckle there. When the suggestion of getting you a birthday present came, Kate was stunned for a moment. Her little girl and her spouse getting along, it seemed so far out. But any destination was reachable if you gave it enough time, if the circumstances were right. By no means would she ever wish anything horrible upon her girl, willing to kill those men in the same way a lion would kill its prey, but the situation had improved. Luna would ask about you, how you were doing, how the marriage was going, even giving you the present yourself. Almost shy, she handed it to you. You, too, seemed a bit surprised, but the scene was lovely. You and Luna finally got along. It was like something out of a pleasant dream. As you opened the present, your face glowing with glee, Kate, too, couldn’t help but smile.

#cod #cod x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #gn!reader #I am so gay for women and I was swooning during mw2 whenever laswell was on screen #I was so happy when she was a playable character in mw3 even if I can't play the game #started watching mw for Valeria and got absolutely hooked because of Laswell Farah Alex and Gaz #although I'm not hoping for a mw4 I am on my knees for more of the girls #because not to be cringe on main but the girls sort of have me in a chokehold #the things I'd do for a kiss on the cheek from them #having them praise me for doing well on something would actually just slam dunk my mental illness into the ground and kill it instantly #how did those tags go again?#not to be a lesbian etc etc #anyway thanks for requesting again!!#if you have any more ideas brewing feel free to come again! I love hearing about them <3

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