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#school is tomorrow and i dont feel like its true at all

hockeyandhrsepwr · 1 year

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With the homies

Luke Hughes x college vlogger!reader

Series masterlist

yourusername

liked by adamfantilli, user90 & others

Yourusername my love language is coffee shop dates 🫶

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Dylanduke.25 love you a latte!

Yourusername you just get me Dyl 🫶

Luca.fantilli so if I bring you coffee can we call it a date?

Yourusername sure Lu

Adamfantilli Luca’s getting a death glare now

Rutgermcgroarty oh yeah, he’s dead

User83 ranking AA coffee shops vid?

User62 Yes!! Would love to know

Yourusername oh, I like that. It’s an area I’m very familiar with

sholtz_024 doing schoolwork on a date? He must not be that interesting

Yourusername nah, he’s pretty cool & he feeds me so 👍

Yourusername

liked by bestie, jackhughes & others

Yourusername quick visit to Bestie at smart kid school!

Vlog coming tomorrow! #suphomies&wecomeback

📍NYC

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Bestie fun was had, smarts weren’t used

Yourusername true

Friend4 aint that the truth

Friend9 wild weekend!

Jackhughes you were in NYC?!

Yourusername yes

Jackhughes and you didn’t tell me?

Yourusername why would I

sholtz_024 you say that as if you aren’t crazy smart too

Yourusername yeah, but I’m not Columbia smart

sholtz_024 I’m pretty sure you are

Yourusername no, I’m literally not. They rejected me

User84 Mich is better anyway!!

yourusername hell yeah it is

jacobtruscott_20 concrete jungle wet dream tomato

Edwards.73 There’s nothing you can’t do

Dylanduke.25 now youre in New York

mackie.samo these streets will make you

Markestapa feel brand new

lhughes_06 big lights will inspire you

Pplapointe_22 lets hear it for New York!

Yourusername can y’all do karaoke somewhere else?

Dylanduke.25 rude

User83 new tattoo?

Yourusername gotta get the matching ones <3

User02 how many do you have?

Yourusername this makes 10!

User83 tattoo tour?

Yourusername maybe!

lhughes_06

liked by yourusername, markestapa & others

lhughes_06 with the boys

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User939 and a mystery girl👀

Edwards.73 what a stud

thombordeleau_ he’s got rizz

Markestapa hey thats my line!!

Dylanduke.25 swaggy swag

JackHughes Luke being a gentleman?

_quinnhughes I taught him well

nolan_moyle how sauced are you?

lhughes_06 yes

mackie.samo there’s your answer

yourusername is that hat surgically attached to Duker head or something?

dylanduke.25 I just like it okay?!

yourusername

liked by Edwards.73, user84 & others

Yourusername the week vs the weekend

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sholtz_024 dont be fooled its Saturday night & she’s been camped out at the library since this morning

Yourusername I like to pretend I’m cool okay?

lhughes_06 dont lie, you’re normally at the arena

Yourusername okay well this is a typical non game week Hughes okay?

Bestie study hard, party harder

Friend7 retweet

Yourusername thats right baby!

BigBro are you wearing pants in that pic?

Yourusername yes 🙄 ever heard of shorts?

BigBro you do know its March?

Yourusername its for the aesthetic bro

User03 show us his face bestie

Yourusername its sholtz_024

sholtz_024 dont bring me into this!

xxx

#luke hughes x reader #luke hughes #vlogger!reader #jjs insta edits #umich hockey #umich imagine #hockey instagram au #michigan #sup homies!

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ayayabaroque · 1 year

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Tears, Laughter, Sorrow.

corny, pero wla ako mapost e wla akong no choice last march pa 'to sa drafts CW: Angst? mostly none, corny writing, i hate writing esp since i cant think of anything good/this is why i dont post anymore ffs Spoilers for Lantern Rite '23, not sure if i mention anything but yk its just to be safe A/N: i love school, but i went from rank 1 to rank 3 and i absolutely hate everything and everyone im going to cry sorry for not posting anything recently(and ever), and as usual, English isn't my first language, so please don't have any high hopes for this piece. I might go back to completing the Slowly series but im not feeling well since i last went on here to write a serious fic Read utc!

*:･ﾟ✧ Zhongli *:･ﾟ✧ "Would you live to see Liyue's downfall, or always relive the one most painful moment you have felt in your lifetime?" You pause, thinking on an answer to your friend's question. "The latter. Liyue's downfall won't happen for another thousand years, I doubt that any of you would be attending my funeral any time soon." Your friend tears up at the thought. "Right... yeah probably right." "I'm kidding of course! An endless time loop would keep me stressed, I'd rather have you by my side." ... "I'm... relieved? Hey listen, it's getting late, you should be getting home. I'll see you tomorrow." It was unlikely for your friend to suggest to leave this early, but you don't mind, as long as you see them again tomorrow. Then again, it was too tiring to walk home just right now, maybe you could walk around the harbor, after all, you and your friend have been playing by the docks all day, without anything better to do. "I should be getting home back to Zhongli." you mutter. Although cold, the air in Liyue would always smell of various floral scents, specifically the Glaze Lily. You hated Glaze Lilies. There wasn't one word in the dictionary that could describe how much you loathe these cyan-petal, night-blooming lilies as much as you possibly could. Well, truth be told, you hated the person Zhongli associates with these blooms, and it drives you insane. Guizhong, Zhongli's late friend before the Archon War, used to be so close to him. He would return late from his ventures with his friend in tow that he forgets to come home to you every single time. You couldn't really argue with the reasoning he has, since he is more of your superior rather than a lover. It's been so long since he spent time with you without reminiscing about Guizhong, probably a little over your 429th birthday. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention you were old? The more Zhongli leaves you to mourn Guizhong's day of death on your day of birth, you resort to laughter every time he comes home instead. The false joy of seeing him return home after a mournful day which he marks Guizhong's passing, your laughter behind the façade you show for your lover. "How's Guizhong been? Any response yet?" you muse. "I prefer you not adding salt to my wound." "Oh yeah, you guys ended on rather good terms, it would be a shame if I were to slander her in front of her good friend." The statement always seems to make Zhongli seethe with fury, and it looks like he's had enough of your insults and remarks. "A true shame you did not get to know her, or were you busy burning away your lifetime serving false gods?" "You know well better than to bring my past stature into this conversation." It pains you to think about your past, when your parents sold you off to a minor god for wealth, leaving you to rot in the god's hands. "I'm tired, I do not wish to make this into a heated argument. Go to bed." ... "I honestly wish it was you instead of Guizhong, I miss her dearly." That was what made this memory painful, it was what made you cry in the eve, and sob in the morn. In the end, when you were asked the same question years ago, immortality seemed like a dream, now turned into a living nightmare. You only wish to awake from this horrible dream, again, and again, and again. "So... Would you live to see Liyue's downfall, or always relive the one most painful moment you have felt in your lifetime?" The question that would mark another day of the loop, spent in misery and sorrow. The days you've spent celebrating your birth over, and over again. "Happy 7,329th birthday, to me."

#ayayacantwrite #zhongli genshin impact #zhongli #genshin angst #zhongli x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact #genshin #genshin x reader

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cupoftaae · 1 year

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Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ The Art Exhibit (Chapter 6)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

chapter warnings!- swearing, alcohol, this is kind of a fluffy ass chapter, but the end is a little frusterating. NO BAD VIBES THOUGH! reader is finally happy rn. tw: annie.

a/n- Hi guys! first of all, HAPPY SPRING! Also happy Ramadan to anyone who is celebrating!! I really wanted to publish this by last Monday at least, but I ended up getting a cold, and then I had an exam this week too that I crammed studied for. I wasnt happy with the ending of this chapter and wanted time to fix it up a bit!! we are getting to the good stuff now so I really hope you enjoy! (ps. another thanks to all the likers, rebloggers, commenters, it means so much to see feedback, ily guys.

The song of this chapter was on repeat while I wrote it !!

This week had been good.

For the first time in what seems like forever, life was actually giving you a break....sort of.

"Kwan, cmon! I promise French isnt that hard if you just sit and let me teach you!" you exhale with a wide smile, looking at the 6 year old who was now running around the living room.

Since Tae quit his job, you decided to start picking up after school shifts to tutor your neighbor, Mrs.Chin, and her bratty 6 year old. You used to tutor her other child, Mimi, who was always well behaved, but she went to study abroad, leaving you alone with the devil reincarnated.

"I dont wanna! its stupid!" the younger child yelled back, making you take a moment to breathe before responding. "Kwan, I would appreciate if you let me teach you, or at least if you even sat down and listened to me read." you said calmly.

You looked over at the pouting boy and his action figures, arms now crossed over his chest as he glared. You sighed and ran your hands over your face, lets just say if the pay wasn't $90 an hour, you probably wouldn't submit yourself to this.

"Kwan." you said, getting up with your textbook and sitting on the floor next to him "your mommy hired me to help you learn, I really want to be able to teach you something here, because whether you realize it now or not, learning a second language is a really beautiful thing" you show him all the pages of notes youve taken from your own classes, watching him view it over.

"I wanna be here for you, we can be buddies, ok? no more fights, no yelling. How about this-" you turn around to him "If you let me teach you for a half an hour, 30 minutes, you can have 20 minutes of playtime, yeah?" you spoke softly

"mmkay.." he looked at you, nodding gently.

"aw, see, you are a good boy I knew you were, cmon, sit and i'll teach you how to introduce yourself in French, so when you go to daycare tomorrow, you can show it off to everyone" you smiled and gently tickled the boy, making him giggle loudly.

You really did enjoy teaching and learning, something about it just made you feel incredibly intelligent, and yes, you loved acting too, but the idea of being able to offer something new to someone genuinely got you excited. If you could go back and change your major to anything, It would probably be French or some other foreign language, teaching abroad doesnt sound too bad.

At the apartment, Tae had been cleaning a little bit more. He figured if he was going to have more free time, then he needed to learn to help out around the house....He also needed a distraction from the fact that tomorrow night is the art exhibit, and to say he was nervous was a complete understatement.

The work he'd been creating is done, but like always, he wanted to change it last minute. You sat with him last night and explained that it didnt need to be changed, and he needs to be more confident with himself and his art.

His thoughts were interrupted when you walked through the door, offering a quick smile at him before walking off into the kitchen. He put down his broom and walked over to you, "How did tutoring go?" He asks softly, watching you pour coffee into a mug. "It was okay" you shrug, looking at the clock and internally sighing, it was dinner time and you hadnt prepared anything.

"You okay?" he asks

you look back at him and lean against the counter, "yeah...Kaito was supposed to pick me up at 8, and I sat outside texting and calling him until 8:30, when I decided to just get an Uber home"

"why didnt you call me? I would have drove over there" he frowns, leaning against the opposite counter. "ah, didnt want to bother you" you shrug.

He sighed and looked down. "I made you dinner, by the way" he spoke, making you look up at him warily. "by made, I mean bought, dont worry theres no food poisoning here" he rushed, making you giggle.

"thank you tae, I really appreciate that" you walk over to hug him gently, telling him you were gonna wash up and shower before eating.

He finished cleaning the living room before finally crashing on the couch, watching as you left your room with a towel on your head, making him laugh. "are you gonna tell me my fortune"

You scoff and grab your bulgogi, sitting onto the couch next to him.

"yummy?" he asks, searching for something to watch, "mhm" you smiled and offered a bite which he gladly took.

"oh also, Because tomorrow night is the art show, I was thinking afterwards we should get dinner or something..." he trailed off, avoiding eye contact.

you turned your head to him, smiling softly, "hm that sounds fun. are we thinking Mcdonalds?" you giggle, making him laugh as well.

"nooo, no" his head shook, "I dont know yet, I'll look around."

"we can go to that Korean barbecue place that just opened, and celebrate your win" you shrug

"we dont know if Im gonna win, there are many talented artists participating. I have like no chance, y/n."

you scoff and shake your head, "you are telling me, that THE Kim Taehyung has no chance? I dont believe this!"

He smiled and watched as you rambled about how he has worked for this and deserves it, laughing quietly.

"yeah...I dont even care for the money to be honest. I Just want to go to Paris again...it was fun when we went last time" he sighed.

You chewed your food and nodded, standing up in front of him with your hands on your hips, "Mr.Kim, I am putting it into the universe now, that if somehow you dont win, I will make sure we both go to Paris once more"

"really?" he spoke after a moment, unable to take you seriously with the towel head.

"really"

"I dont think Kaito would like thattt" he sung jokingly, getting up and grabbing the blanket from the other side of the couch, covering himself in it.

"I dont careeee" you sung back before jokingly jumping onto him, squeezing his face as you continued to speak. "I dont even know where he is right now, probably drunk or something"

"does he get drunk a lot?" tae asked, smiling as you poked around his face with your hands. "yeah....kinda. He can handle it most times but.." you cut yourself off, not wanting to say anything else.

"but what?" tae asked, head turning to yours as you laid on him. Your eyes simply scanned over his face as he did the same with you. The urge to kiss him was there, but you knew better.

You got up and off him, making him sit up and look at you. "but what?" he repeated

"nothing" you smiled before stealing his blanket and running off to your room, making him get up to chase after you.

You were both laughing, but Tae was still catching his breath. You looked like you wanted to kiss him, no? His mind ran around in circles, ultimately convincing himself that he really does need to drop this and stop over analyzing everything.

He sat into his bed that night, looking over at his painting which leaned against his desk. He so desperately wanted tomorrow to be perfect, he wanted to win, but he also wanted to impress you.

His mind wandered down the rabbit hole. was it too clingy to ask to go to dinner after? was he annoying you and you didnt have the heart to tell him?

He rolled his face against his pillow, sighing heavily as tannie ran up and jumped on the bed, cuddling with him.

Across the hall you paced your room, glasses on as you tried to memorize your studying and figure out an outfit for tomorrow.

You gently hummed to yourself before moving the coat hangers around to see what you had, you dont exactly have 'art show' worthy clothes. You knew that ultimately it didnt matter, it wasnt about you, it was about him.

You climbed into bed and wrapped up your homework, deciding to pull your phone out and see if your boyfriend called or texted.

0 notifications

you sighed and opened up messages, texting him quickly.

you: hey....I hope you are okay? You havent texted or anything, im a little worried. you were supposed to pick me up today and then go for like coffee or something. did you forget? its okay if you did, just hope you are safe.

you bit your lip as you sent the message, waiting for a few minutes for a possible reply, but ultimately receiving nothing.

"ah, Yun Y/n, you really have impressed me, this is amazing"

you looked at your theatre teacher with hopeful eyes, glad that she appreciated the project script you stayed up to finish last night.

You bowed politely, "thank you so much, that means a lot"

"of course" she responded, taking her glasses off, "I really do hope you decide to take this class next year, you are one of my best students and I think the incoming freshmen would love to learn from your writing skills"

you smiled and nodded, "I dont see any reason why I wouldnt stay" you laughed lightly, making her nod, "good!"

she handed you your papers back with the received grade, allowing you to walk out into the hallway to see a certain someone.

"um...hello?" you spoke, aggravation evident in your voice. Kaito looked up from his bag at you, a guilty expression now showing.

"y/n, baby im sorry about yesterday"

"Look, I dont care about the pick-up thing, why couldnt you text me this morning even? I thought you died or something"

he laughs yet you were not amused. "My phone broke" he cleared his throat. You sigh and look around. "you know how many phones are on campus? you also have so many classes with Chae, would it kill you to relay the message?"

"im sorry, ok?"

you glared at him. 'Sorry' had become his broken record repeated phrase lately, and honestly, it didn't sound all to genuine anymore.

"yeah" you shrug and begin to walk away before he stops you. "Oh, are you free tonight?"

you stop and turn, shaking your head, "no, I have plans"

He scoffs, "doing what?"

"I have an art show with Taehyung and its late, we are going right home after"

"I see" he nods sarcastically, obviously pissed off. "are you going to the party that Jungkook is throwing at least?" he adds

"oh yeah....Dahyun invited me, I'll be there I guess" you mumble

"good" he smiled and held your cheek, making you look up at him. "dont bring him, okay?"

you look over his face before rolling your eyes and turning to walk to your next class.

Things lately with Kaito havent been as well as you had planned. When you two first started dating, the romance was there, there was a spark within sharing similar interests and likes, there were cute dates, late night conversations. As you find yourself walking down the hall, you wish that perhaps you never got to know the quiet boy in your acting class. You ponder about what would have happened if you two just remained friends, strangers, even.

His drinking was something you had been made aware of by a few classmates, but you can only blame yourself for ignoring them. As much as you hated to admit it, you didnt care in the moment. You are a young girl, who has vulnerabilities and of course wishes to find someone that makes her feel special....but given that....you also deserve pride, and the power to know, or to walk away from situations that arent helping you grow.

You dont ask much of kaito, he couldn't even pick you up on time and let you know why. It was borderline pathetic. He was pathetic, and the marks still evident on your wrist were enough to prove it.

you dont know what you had done in a past life to get such shitty treatment from men, but you could only pray that either the universe sends you in a different direction, or fixes the broken path you are currently trying to fight through.

"I called the restaurant, they take walk ins" Taehyung cheerfully spoke, barging into your room to see you sitting with your back towards him, papers sprawled around your desk surface.

"thats good" you mumble, refusing to turn around at the excited boy.

Taehyung notices the shift in your voice, the way your back is slumped over as you hid yourself in the piles of paper and homework. As he walked over, small droplets of tears resting on the wooden desktop below you are visible. You had been crying. A gentle hand comes up to graze against your back, remaining still for a moment before he spoke. "Y/N, whats going on?"

You sniffled, wishing that you could just be alone but also refraining against sending the boy out, he just wanted to help. "Im just stressed" a simple shrug and a blow of the nose make taehyung sit on the end of your bed as he faces you, deciding its enough distance from you, but not too much. "do you wanna talk about it?" he asks softly, his hair resting in front of his eyes, its grown so long these days.

You looked back at him and remained quiet for a moment before opening your mouth, "no" you shook your head. "I just....I just want tonight to be fun, I want you to have fun, I want this for us, just one day without anything pulling us down, okay?"

Taehyung nodded slowly, not sure what could have sent you into a spiral like this, but respecting your decision to not speak on it. "Okay, yeah, we will have fun okay?" he whispers, hand now holding yours as he got closer to you, wiping away your tears. "don't cry, everything will be alright sweet girl" he brings you into a tight hug as his words are close to brining you to cry again. You can blame it on being hormonal, but something about the comforting nature of the boy in front of you made you just want to constantly be there, support and love him for what he is. You would cling to him like a koala if you had the chance.

but he wasn't yours, and you were not his.

You had not been the best friend to taehyung for the past few weeks, something youve tried to make up for by either cooking, or buying him new art tools. You even stayed up late with him a few nights ago just letting him rant about all the shit on his plate. It made you realize that this boy would tell you every little detail about his life, he trusts you so much, yet you couldnt even be honest about the kaito situation.

Guilt was the best emotion to describe the feeling in your chest.

The best thing you could do tonight is to treat him like he were king of the world, he deserves a break, and it would kill you to have to be the one to ruin it again.

You sniffled and looked back at him, "so are you gonna show me the menu of the restaurant or what?"

Taehyung laughed lightly, squeezing your hand as he helped you up and led you out into the living room with him.

Every time Taehyung see's you upset, he feels as if those emotions transfer to him. If he could snap his fingers, or wave some magic wand, he would make it so you never cried again. A part of him was upset that you didnt feel comfy enough to open up about what exactly was bothering you, yet at the same time, he was able to understand your reasoning. You two fought more in the past few months than you have in your entire lives, it felt like walking on eggshells every time he spoke, he was fearful of losing you as a friend, so he made sure each word that came out of his mouth was nothing but delicate, kind, and loving.

He buttoned up his suit, smiling at himself in the mirror as he sprayed on some cologne you bought for him last Christmas. He remembers how much you loved to cuddle up to him when he got home from work, hiding your face in his neck, complimenting how good he had smelled.

Seems like those memories are so distant, in a way he almost mourns them. He is grateful to even have you at all, but as time goes on he truly believes he may never get over you, that you will always just be the one that actually got away.

He looks down at his drawer in his bathroom, the drawer that had been shared by you whenever you had used his bathroom. It hadnt been open in a while, but as he looked through it, he couldnt help but laugh.

purple nail polish.

You asked him if you had left it in his bathroom and he told you no. He thought it was cute that its the shade youve always worn. He even bought you a new bottle just so he could keep the one you left behind.

His mind flickers back to when you had begged him to let you paint his nails, after about 30 minutes of pestering, he finally gave in, letting you give him the full spa treatment.

He softly smiled as he examined the polish, carefully putting it back before walking out and into the living room.

"AHH you look so cute!" you giggled and ran up to him, squishing his bread cheeks. Tae had never worn a suit before, but you took him shopping a few days ago and convinced him he would look really good in one, and he has to admit he feels pretty well fit in it.

You fluffed his hair up and smiled softly, watching his eyes scan over you, something that made you blush. "You look really good, is this a new dress?" he asked quietly

"wow you noticed" you teased

"Of course, you look so pretty in it" He wanted to go on, he wanted to tell you how beautiful your smile looked and how it didnt matter what you wore, because in the museum full of brilliant art, he probably would only be able to look at you tonight.

"thank you" you shyly spoke, "are you ready?"

He held up his canvas, smiling brightly and nodding. "Here" you placed a plastic bag over the art so it wouldnt get destroyed or ruined in any way, especially since it was raining out.

"thank you" he spoke, lifting it up again before grabbing the umbrella and walking towards the door. "Lets go win that prize and rub it in everyones face" you tease, cheering as you made your way down the hall, tae walked behind and watched your childish nature, giggling to himself.

It was crowded.

You didnt even know there was this many art students in your school.

"just stay with me, its okay" Tae whispered to you after dropping off his artwork at the front table so they could enter it into the contest. He noticed your fidgety state, gently grabbing one of your hands with his own. You offered a light squeeze in acknowledgment.

"Taehyung!!!"

You both turned around to see Annie running up, smiling brightly with a glass in her hand. "Uhg Im so glad you made it, did you submit your work??"

"yeah I just gave it to them" he pointed at the adults working the table. "great, I seriously cant wait to see your work hung up, I know whatever it is will be beautiful."

"ah thank you, you are too kind" he spoke softly, feeling your grip on his arm tighten.

"Hi Annie" you spoke, annoyed that she chose to ignore you. "Oh hi!" she waved. "Im sorry, I forgot your name, what is it sweetheart?"

Taehyung scoffed quietly, stopping you from speaking before him "Her name is Y/N, I only talk about her all the time" he looked down at you, offering a reassuring smile.

"Oh, I forget everything im sorry" she giggled loudly. "cmon, lets go get something to drink" She tugged on his other arm eager to get him away from you.

"do you want anything?" he mouthed to you, making you shake your head. "no, go have fun" you offer, watching him give into annie's aggression with a sad smile, walking away.

You took your time walking around the exhibit, stopping at each frame to read the small descriptions and notes. You were never super artsy like Taehyung was, but it was impressive to see how dedicated he was.

you made your way through the large crowds of chatter, searching for taehyung before spotting him in the corner by the food stand. You walked over and gently hugged him from behind, it wasnt an act of anything, you just hated being in crowded areas, so you clung to him as best you could. His hand gently grazed along your arm before turning, a audible scoff from Annie is heard as he turns to face you.

"Hi sweet girl, You okay?"

"yeah" you nod, "I was just looking at all the art, which is beautiful but I think they have nothing on yours"

"Youre biased" he chuckled

"tsk tsk, I tell the truth" you giggled, hugging him as you rested your head on his chest, his arms around you loosely. To any onlookers, you two were a couple.

You both are naturally cling people, perhaps it can be to blame for how you both fell so easily into the friends with benefits thing.

"I didnt know you guys were dating" annie took a sip of her wine, gesturing between the both of you.

"oh no, we arent" you quickly spoke, "we are just really close"

"ah..." she trailed off and gave a knowing look to Taehyung, making him shrug. He didnt like to be mean, but he also liked seeing how jealous she got of you. He would never date Annie, and he felt guilty for maybe leading her on, but he feels pride in knowing that shes jealous of you.

you are his girl whether you were dating, friends, anything, everyone knew that.

"they have food if you are hungry" he suggested, patting your back to get your attention.

"Oh, thats okay, im saving room to stuff my face with Tteokbokki later" you both giggled,

"lets go look around, yeah?"

you nodded and grabbed his hand, leading him away from the judgmental girl watching you both like a hawk.

You noticed his frown as you sat in front of a canvas filled wall, "whats wrong, tae?"

"these are all....amazing..." he gestured towards a few, head lost in thought and self doubt.

"bubs, i promise you, yours is just as good if not better. remember what I said, no matter what happens, the outcome will be okay" you rubbed his shoulder, watching a small smile appear on his face.

"everything will be okay" he whispered to himself, taking a deep breath before nodding

As the night went on, guests were informed that the ranking and award ceremony would be taking place in just 15 minutes. Taehyung had been wrapped up in conversation with another one of his classmates, eyes absent mindedly searching around the banquet hall for you.

You told him a bit ago that you were gonna go grab a drink, and its been 10 minutes.

Across the room, little to his knowledge, you were wrapped up in your own conversation with a boy who caught you admiring his own work. "It took me a few months" the boy spoke softly, both of you standing in front of his painting. "You didnt want so submit it into the competition?" you asked, watching him shake his head. "I dont need people judging my art, it doesnt matter what they think. I like being able to just put it out into the world for what it is, I dont need a prize for that"

You were taken back by how well and soft spoken he was, unsure how to respond, "Whats your name by the way?"

"My name is Jung Hoseok" he bowed his head lightly, smiling brightly at you. "Ah nice to meet you Hoseok, Im Yun Y/N"

"pleasure meeting you" he spoke, shaking your hand. "so are you here tonight for your own art?" he added

"oh no, no, I am definitely not an artist", you giggled. "Im here with my best friend, he is the one participating tonight"

Taehyung finally found an out in the conversation and began his search for you, pushing through the room to see you standing next to some stranger. He would be lying if he said he didnt like to see you with other men, especially Hoseok, who was in his art class. He would rather you be standing with Kaito at that point.

"Oh taehyung!" Hoseok greeted the man you didnt even know stood behind you, making you turn and smile. "Sorry, I got lost" you giggled, taking his hand as he moved beside you. "Hello Hoseok" tae bowed his head.

"Y/N told me you are trying for the contest, good luck, I heard the judges tend to pick favorites" he laughed and tapped his arm, making him awkwardly smile. "I think he will be ok, wait until you see his painting, its beautiful" you spoke up

"Im sure" he looked at you both, bowing politely before walking off into a new conversation with his nearby friends.

"dont let his charm get to you, he isnt the nicest person" taehyung turns and speaks, gently leading you back to the front of the banquet hall.

"What? he seemed so sweet" you spoke

"I heard he is kind of....you know....like, he likes to play with multiple women at once" he explained as best he could, making you smile, "a man whore" you suggested, making him laugh. "yeah, a man whore"

"dont worry, Im not interested. Ive had enough boy drama to keep me away from any penis within a 5 mile radius" You spoke, watching Taehyung burst out in laughs. "speaking of him, is kaito mad you are here?"

"If he is, I dont care, tonight isnt about him, only you"

A few moments later, everyone had gathered into the front of the banquet hall, a panel of 3 judges proudly standing on the small stage ready to reward the prizes in rankings of the top 5 works of art submitted tonight.

"I am so nervous" Taehyung whispered, not directly at anyone but himself. You looked back and smiled, grabbing his hand and entwining it with your own. "Stop stressing, your hair is gonna go grey." you both quietly giggled before the lady on the mic began to speak.

"Thank you all so much for coming to our annual art banquet show, this is the 11th year we have been graciously welcomed back and we could not be more excited as the number of participants grow each year." she adjusted her glasses before speaking again. "Tonight is not about winning, or being the best, it is about recognizing talent of all unique levels, seeing things from other peoples eyes, its about the beauty of art"

The audience clapped lightly, making you smile as you looked around at everyone piled up together in anticipation.

"With that, I believe we are ready to begin the gift ceremony. The other judges and I graded on not only the art itself, but the impact received through it, we were looking for those who went outside the box, and we are happy to say we were not disappointed."

Taehyung looked at the black cloths that hung over the art work that was pinned on the wall up front, unsure if his was one of them or not.

"I'll remind everyone of the prizes, 5-3 place recieve a generous cash prize, as well as a discounted art session for next semester, 2 place recieves a larger amount of cash, while 1st place gets a visit to the Louvre Museum in Paris France, fully paid!"

The crowd happily cheers, the excitement in the room can easily be felt. You were nervous for Taehyung, not because you didnt think he could win, but you knew how much he wanted this trip. You wanted to see him happy, and most importantly, you wanted him to be proud of himself.

"We will now begin" The older woman walks to the lined up art, standing in front of one. "In 5th place, we will happily be awarding this to...." she gently pulled the black sheet off, revealing the art as the crowd clapped happily.

"Seo Yoon, with 'a walk with existence'"

you looked around to see the girl stand up and go to collect her certificate, bowing and thanking the judges.

"4th place, goes to.... Park Jimin, with 'serendipity'"

Everyone cheered as the younger man walked up to join the others.

You felt taehyungs hand squeeze yours lightly, as the 3rd person was revealed and it wasnt him, now he was eager. He either got 2nd, 1st, or none at all.

you gently rubbed his back as the woman went to reveal 2nd place. "In 2nd, we have..." the painting was revealed, "Kang Annie, with 'daydream'"

You both looked at eachother, "I didnt think her art was that good" taehyung claps but whispers in your ear, making you giggle and hold his arm for support. The tension in the room grew as the judge made her way to the remaining painting, the cloth gathering in her hand.

"and for first place, we, the judges have decided to reward...." the curtain felt like it fell in slow motion, taehyung quite literally on the edge of his seat.

"Kim Taehyung with 'Forever and a day'"

You jumped up immediately as his name was called, his beautiful painting on display for everyone to see as claps and "congratulations" were gifted his way.

"I won?" he mumbled, standing as you grabbed him close, hugging him tightly. "I fucking knew you could win!!! Im so proud!!!' you cupped his face and smiled, making him smile as well.

"get up there and claim your prize" you mumble, urging him up to the stage where he went to collect his prize and certificate. "Congratulations to everyone who won, and everyone who participated! lets get a round of applause for all the talent here tonight"

The room clapped loudly as you caught his eye, smirking and chanting loudly, maybe a bit too loudly for an art show. He laughed and congratulated the other winners, giving annie some bullshit answer when she joked about being his Paris plus one.

"You have no fucking idea how proud I am, Taehyung" you hugged him once more as you two started to get ready to head out. He made sure you took 10 million photos of his painting on display, making it your lock screen on your phone.

"I still cant believe I won.....it doesnt feel real" He joked, linking your arm with his as you both made your exit after saying goodbyes to everyone.

"wait until it hits, you are gonna be so proud of yourself. Paris....PARIS, taehyung, this shit is huge. Im not gonna lie, I almost cried when I heard your name"

"you did not!" he chuckled as you both walked to your car.

"Yes I did, you just dont get it" you teased "felt like such a power moment, you just know annie was pissed too....little bitch"

Taehyung bit back his laugh as he sat in the drivers seat, pulling his seatbelt on and resting his head back as you got in. "Thank you for everything, for coming....for just being my support" he spoke kindly, wide grin stuck on his face.

"dont thank me, im always gonna be here for you, seriously. Now, lets go eat until we get full, order dessert we cant finish, take it home and get drunk" You put your seatbelt on, car filled with excitement and giggles as he began to drive to dinner.

He really did feel excited, He was mostly in shock on how he was able to win something he threw together last minute.

Blame it on the alcohol, but some deep part of him wanted to come clean in this very moment, as you were now in the crowded restaurant, music blasted as you sang loudly, you looked so beautiful and alive.

The painting was about you.

Taehyung spent hours dedicating himself to that painting, and it was about you. It seemed like a perfect time to just rip the bandaid off right now, a night where everything was going right.

"y/n..." he mumbled, watching as you happily looked over at him, his heart now in his throat. you stopped dancing and made your way over to where he sat at the bar, your drunken self leaning forward to hear him over the music.

"I just wanted to tell y-"

"youre so handsome, jesus christ I hate you" you interrupt, words slurring as you look at him lovingly.

He knows you are drunk, but the comment still made him laugh, "thank you" he whispered as you walked back out to the dance floor, dragging him with you.

"ah y/n, im not really a dancer"

"you dont need to be, just listen to the music and feel it" you shout, jumping around and holding his hands. He has to admit, seeing you away from your usual tight knit persona was really attractive, of course he admired you always, but he never saw this side before, it was new and exciting.

He allowed himself to relax a bit, taking another shot before finally giving in and dancing with you in the crowded bar. "thats it!" you yell, jumping around with him as you both fell into fits of giggles. "cmere" you turned around and pressed your back to his chest, and even in his drunken state, his heart still fluttered at the sudden contact. You carefully danced against him, not in a promiscuous way, simply just a light sway.

You two ended up spending a bit too much money at the bar, making tae ultimately put a cap on the drinks for the night. You werent ready to leave yet, so he ordered a basket of fries and water, sitting at a table with you in the next room.

"we have to sober up just a little bit, I still have to drive home" he giggled and sat beside you, taking a few fries and shoving them into his mouth. "thanks bubs" you slur, eating the fries and chugging water like you havent had any in weeks.

"are you having the best day of your life?" you ask, making him smile, "yeah, I am actually" he held a fry up and fed it to you. "good, me too" you spoke, mouth open and full of food.

the two of you sat and spoke until you felt some of the alcohol waving off, "hmm, do you wanna go home?" you asked him, noticing how tired you both were getting.

It had been almost 5 hours youve been here, and you didnt want him to only stay because you wanted to.

"yeah...its kinda late" he smiled softly, standing up and helping you.

"youre okay to drive?" you ask, watching as he looked into the next room, listening to the jazz song that was playing.

"tae?" you walk over, watching him turn and smile. "wait, before we leave.." he held your hand and led you into the other room. "dance with me, just one last song" he looked down at you, and there was no way to say no to him.

You two were surrounded by some older couples, all of them turning their attention to you as you made your way into the center of the floor, saxophone blaring through the speakers.

Taehyungs long arms wrapped loosely around your waist, resting just above your butt, your arms reaching up to hold his shoulders as you two slowly swayed to the music.

"Why are you looking at me like that" you mutter, thankful for the dark lighting hiding the current blush on your face.

"Like what?" he smiled

You shrug, giggling softly, "I dont know" you bit your lip and looked at him, alcohol still able to be felt deep in your veins.

"whats so funny, hm?" he teased, looking directly at you with a wide smile, "whats my girl always laughing about?"

you shyly looked down, the weight of his gaze too much. Your head rested against his chest as butterflies filled your stomach. this was wrong.

"you cant say that" you whine quietly

"why not?" he stood back and gently spun you around, making you smile as your hands returned to his shoulders.

"because....im not your girl" you mumble, eyes fixated on both of your feet below.

He sighed and rested his head against yours, words not needed, yet actions saying much more as his hands squeezed your waist gently, rubbing up and down carefully.

you looked up at him finally as the song was coming to a close and allowed yourself to just be, smiling as he looked at you. "You will always be my girl" he whispered so only you two could hear, he quickly turned, grabbing your hand. "lets head home"

You felt breathless, and most of all guilty....but not in the way most would think. You were guilty about not feeling guilty. You had fun, and you werent going to apologize for the mindless flirting that occurred tonight.

The both got out of the car and jumped under the hood of your apartment complex, looking at the rain pouring.

"I had fun, tae..."

"I did too" he looked at you hopefully, his hand returning to yours.

"we need more time for just us, we've been so wrapped in other shit" you sigh, the sound of rain surrounding both of you.

"I agree, I dont care what we do, im always enjoying myself with you"

You smirk and jokingly jump towards him, embracing him tightly "ahhh tae tae...what will I do with you, little art boy" you smile as he laughs.

You both pull away, arms still on eachother as you stood outside your home. There was a moment of quietness, eyes scanning over eachothers faces.

"Tae...." you whisper, gathering your thoughts before he slowly leans in, nose brushing yours. The top of his lip grazes against yours as you lean in, suddenly realizing what was happening as you pull your head away.

He didnt react sharply, just watching you with sad eyes.

"we cant" you whispered, shaking your head

"why not?"

"because we dont know what we are doing tae, we know better than this." you firmly say

"do we?" he spoke calmly, eyes still fixated on you.

"yes.."

He looks down at your hands, squeezing them "please...."

You frown when he isnt looking, dragging your hand to pull his wet hair out of his face. "Im sorry" you softly spoke, rubbing your thumb over his cheek, "lets go get some rest, yeah?"

he waits a moment before nodding, silently following you into the apartment.

You werent sure what exactly was in the air tonight, but you knew something changed, and maybe it was the universe finally answering your call.

A/n: sorry ...

Tag list:

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

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thal-ent · 1 month

Text

( Bastien, Emerens and Kim belong to @hel-phoenyx , Tomyris belongs to @soupedepates , Kate belongs to my sibling who doesn't have tumblr)

"You're staring at him again."

Virgil turns around to say something to the boy next to him, anything that would convince the teenager that he is not staring. But the teen isn't even looking at him, his - no, Tachi had said she wanted to try out she/her today - her science book open on her lap. Something they both know she knows by heart and better than most people when she's barely sixteen.

He huffs, turning his head back where he was looking. They're sitting under a tree, its shade protecting Virgil from overheating in the japanese summer. And on the other side of the courtyard, Virgil's... Friend, that's still the best word for it, he thinks, Bastien. He doesn't do well under the sun either, with his pale skin, but he's sitting next to a wall, its shadow protecting him from the harsh sun.

"Again. How did he never take you for a freak exactly ?"

"I am not staring. He's just in my line of sight."

"Sure, and you're totally not making heart eyes at him, like the whole school knows you do." It's not true, Tachi's not been here long enough to know all the gossip in that school, not that she would usually try.

"I'm not- the whole school ?!"

"I'm joking 'Gil" she doesn't listen to the grumble that sounds like a "don't call me that" from her older friend and turns a page from her book. "I'm pretty sure only Van Heel and his clique know about it. You're not good at hiding your crush y'know ?"

"That's not what it is."

"Yes it is, I'm a teen, not an idiot." She sighs, putting a gloved hand to her cheek and turning to look at Virgil, his eyes switching to her as soon as he feels her look on him. "You like him. Idiot."

"Stop that." He gives her a flicker on her shoulder with his prosthetic hand, making her wince as well as laugh. "What would even make you think that."

"Well I could make a list but we'd still be here tomorrow and I'd probably forget some stuff because I've only known you for like two months but you know." She shrugs, looking at Bastien's figure now. "You dont let people look at you usually."

He doesn't awnser. It's a little embarrassing, truly, that it's the first thing Tachi says that make him unable to bite back. Because they both know it's true. Virgil was the first to explain to Tachi why.

Kill or be killed, look at it before you become its pray. That's how it works, back there.

No one just looks at Virgil without him looking right back at them. Or if he cannot look at multiple people, his hands are always tense, small head mouvements that show he hears you. If she listened to herself, Tachi would sometimes describe him as more of an animal than a human. Virgil never lets you take him by surprise, never lets you get in his back without being sure he can hurt you before you hurt him.

Yet he lets Bastien look.

Tachi saw the sketches on Bastien's sketchbook, a multitude of weird, exagerated faces from the people around them. But also Virgil, again and again, face soft and far from the caricature everyone else gets from Bastien. Sketches that had to be done during long minutes where Virgil allowed Bastien to just look.

"You know you can just tell him you like him."

"It's not that simple."

"Please not another "but we're both boys", if I can have my gender crisis in peace, you can have your sexuality one."

"Never make that voice again. And I know."

"What, about my gender crisis or...?"

"That-" he stops speaking, lips tight. "I wont speak of that with you."

"What, that's "religious talk" only ?" Virgil rolls his eyes and Tachi snorts. "Hey c'mon, it's not like I'm the only catholic you talk to. Or I think tall girl's gonna get sad."

"Tomyris knows things you dont, Tachi. Let it go, please."

And she does. Because Virgil never asks for things.

"I still think you should ask him out."

***

He knows someone is following him. They make too much noise, their gaze not even trying to hide from him. He looks at the girl walking head high up behind him in the windows' reflections, silently hopes she leaves him alone. He's not in the mood for sparring, the air even hotter than yesterday.

" Bluie !" The nickname makes him turn, annoyance already on his face. He almost starts walking again when Kate stops her walk in front of him. "I need to speak to you."

"Don't call me that. What do you need, St-Arnaud ?" Kate rolls her eyes, her face just as closed as Virgil's. They're not really friends. Classmates, yes, but not friends. They fight, sometimes, but that's to be expected of the Ultimate Duellist, and it gives Virgil an opportunity to train.

"Kim found a kitten in a tree and needs someone to take it back down, and Morgan's not here."

He sighs slightly. When did he become a cat rescuer, exactly ? Still, he follows Kate, taking out a glove to put on his prosthetic and avoid getting any cat hair in it. Sao Mai would probably kill him, their last check up was just a week ago.

It's not hard to get the small ball of fur out of the tree, really. He's used to it by now, and it's not like the purring animal didn't deserve some help. It did scratch his nose, but he'll get better soon enough.

"Playing rescue again ?" Virgil almost jumps hearing Bastien's voice from behind him, his friend towering over him.

"As you can see. I think they want to kill me from heat, that's the third this week alone."

"Oh poor you with your little slavic genes, dying of heat stroke in spring."

"It's already summer, Bas'"

"Barely. It's really not that warm."

"You're wearing the summer uniform, of course you'd say that."

"You're the only one wearing the winter one still, no one's going to bite you here, Virg'."

He wants to say something, but his mind blanks over an image, an idea that is so out of character for him. His cheeks get redder before he awnsers Bastien, turning his head away from the other man.

"I mean, there's an ultimate Vampire, you know ? She's in the new class."

It's weak, almost an afterthough. Thankfully, Bastien doesn't pursue the thought.

"She's in Tachi's class, right ? Did you talk to her ?"

"Not yet. I think she avoids me and I dont really look to have a chat either." He turns his head back and sees how Bastien's eyes are on him, partially hidden behind his glasses. "Bas' ? Is there a problem ?"

"No, no !" Bastien gets red, his eyes drifting away slightly. "I was just thinking it suits you, to have your hair like that."

Virgil stays silent a moment, not really thinking. But he smiles, softness hidden where Bastien's not looking. His hand goes to his low bun, feeling more nervous than the compliment should've made him.

"Thank you."

***

For a second, he considers just slamming the door shut in Emerens' face and go to class by climbing down the window. Then he remembers the last time he tried that, he almost fell because of a loose brick that is still missing today. So, for another second, he considers not going to class at all today. But he's already struggling enough with japanese as it is, and he needs the credits to pass the semester.

So he sighs and closes the door behind him, letting the tall blonde smile like he just won a prize at the lottery.

"What do you want. Be quick I have a class in ten minutes."

"Well, a certain friend of yours came to us absolutely desperate about your pining." He stops himself from groaning. More than a month passed since that... Talk, with Tachi and the youngest still managed to get involved in this. "So I came to help my good friend Virgil !~"

"We're not friends, Emerens. I help you with latin and you help me with english."

"Oh ! You hurt me !" The novellist puts a hand to his chest as he walks. "We'll talk about it later though. So, who is it ?"

"What, they didn't tell you ?"

"Oh they did, but that means you know too, at least. Better than most."

Virgil passes a hand on his face. Of course Emerens Van Heel, Ultimate Romance Writer, would be attentive to things like this. This man sees more than most people.

"So what, you're going to give me shitty advice like we're in one of your novels ?"

"My stories are better written than that. No, no, I know what's going on with Bastien too. Thibs' loosing his mind over it, so really I'm helping myself too by helping you."

"Wait why's Thibault-"

"Virgil please dont tell me you didn't see Bastien's massive crush on you."

There's only silence, and it doesn't take a genius to see despair taking over Emerens' face.

"We have work to do, Virgil."

#thal talk #thal'imagination #my art #lpm #pdg #sds #taoch #i wrote this in december and never finished it #cynthia is mentionned but technically she's not canon to the ast sooooo lol

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catonthesideoftheroad · 2 years

Text

tags: slight douchebag! eddie, angst, non-descriptive fem! reader, modern au, mentions of weed and getting high, weak ending, edited

word count:n/a

a/n: hey 😺 might do a second part

reblogs and likes are appreciated

༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚. ༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚. ༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚.

Why'd You Only Call Me When You’re High?- Eddie M

༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚. ༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚. ༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚.

it was three in the morning. an infomercial played on my tv and i tossed and turned on my bed. i eventually gave up and laid on my back staring up at my ceiling waiting for something to happen.

then it did.

my phone rang and the screen lit up a small portion of my room from its place on my nightstand.

EDDIE

i let it ring one, twice, three times before i answered.

“hello?” i mumbled into the speaker, immediately regretting my decision of answering the call

“hey, sweetheart.” his slightly raspy voice came through

“hi eddie,”

“are you, uh, are you busy right now?”

“no,”

i wouldn’t use the term “dating” to describe eddie and i’s- for lack of a better word- relationship. we don’t talk at school, or anywhere for the most part. the late night phone calls and texting is as far as we get unless we hung out.

“wayne’s at work still,” eddie said as his sniffed

i rolled my eyes. i knew what he wanted, i’d be dumb not to know.

“my parents freaked out last time,”

that wasn’t true, my parents weren’t even home last time this happened, which was last week, but he doesn’t need to know that.

eddie gave out a sigh of annoyance, “then just, like, be quiet,”

“good night eddie,” i said

“wait, wait, wait,” he rushed out before i could pull the phone away from my ear completely, “i- i didn’t mean that, sweetheart,”

i flipped over on my side, the ear my phone rested on faced the ceiling.

“you’re high, eds,”

“yeah, but not that high,” he laughed lightly

i looked out my window. the only light came from a streetlight a couple houses down and the half moon the sat high above everything else.

“i dont want to do this anymore eddie,” i mumbled, it was so quiet i wasn’t even sure i actually said it or imagined it until he answered

“do what sweetheart?”

sweetheart.

my dad used to call me that when i was younger. a term of endearment that i loved so much. when eddie started calling me that it felt that too. now it just feels like a trap. like a singular word is the cheese and i’m the hopeless mouse.

“this eddie. do you know what time it is?”

he didn’t answer so i kept going.

“ i’m tired. i’ve been doing this for the past seven months and i dont even know why! its not like i get anything out of it.”

“then what do you want (y/n)?”

“i- i,”

i knew what i wanted. a relationship, a healthy relationship that didn’t consist of hiding and pretending and late night “are you busy?” calls and “wyd?” texts. but something still held me back from telling him, from going in. from just leaving and going for something better. for something i deserve.

“(y/n)?”

fuck it.

“i dont want this. i want someone who’s ready for a realtionship and wants to show me off! i want someone who wants to talk to me all the time and at all hours of the day not just when they get high at night. i dont deserve this eddie! no one deserves this.” i closed my eyes, “i’ve created this version of you in my head and i think that’s the reason i’ve stayed for so long, just waiting for your beck and call ‘cause i believe that one of these days i’ll come face to face with the version of you that i’ve created for myself and it just never happens and it never going to. i’m done eddie. i’m tired and i’m done,”

it was silent for a what felt like forever.

“ i, uh, i didnt know you felt that way,” he whispered into the phone

“yeah, well,”

i looked at the time. 3:30 am.

“i have to go eddie. i guess ill see you tomorrow.” i said and hung up the phone before i could get a reply

it felt freeing to have gotten all of that off of my chest. to hopefully make eddie feel something. part of me wanted him to feel bad for the way he treated me.

༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚. ༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚. ༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ✩ ˛˚.

#x reader #angst #long reads #stranger things #!black reader #stranger things 4 #eddie munson x reader #steve harrington #x eddie munson #eddie munson x black!reader #Eddie Munson x Fem!reader #female reader #reader insert #eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #robin buckley #fluff

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spenceswife · 2 years

Text

“That’s my girl”

Word Count: 600

Summary: Peter has a crush on his long term best friend and struggles on what to do about it. But what will happen when she’s on the other side of the door listening to his confession to Ned.

Warning: Self doubt.

A/N: My first Peter Parker story hope you enjoy there will be a part two tomorrow! TOLD IN PETERS POV!!

Part 2: https://eddiesmunsonswife.tumblr.com/post/689163973318377472/but-thats-my-girl-part-2

Ned, Yn, and I have been best friends for years now ever since elementary, so were all extremely close but I still have to keep it locked up that I’ve been in love with Yn since 2nd grade.

During Lunch Ned and I talked about our plans for the weekend “Peter dude literally we haven’t hanged in like weeks” Ned groans “We we’re literally with each other last Friday” I grinned eating a fry.

But I suddenly go in high alert as I hear a familiar voice talking to some. “I mean sure we can I just have to check with Peter and Ned first.” Yn spoke but clearly uncomfortable. “Cmon your wayyy too good for them nerds hang with me. The Flash” he kissed his muscles as if he had any.

No Peter that was mean. “Are you even listening to me? HEY YN C’MERE” Ned waved her over. I suddenly fix my posture as she walks towards us “Whats up?” She smiled sitting right next me. I can already feel my cheeks becoming blood red.

“Yn tell Pete that we have to work on my new lego set tonight. I mean what do we have to do its Friday” he chuckled drinking his milk. She smiled at both of us hopefully she doesn’t notice that I haven’t said one word yet.

“I dont know Ned… Flash asked me to the movies and you know I dont like being rude” Yn sighed. “W-what like a date?” I finally spoke giving her my signature puppy dog eyes. She didn’t answer just looking around the room ignoring the question.

“Are you freaking kidding me I mean is the group falling apa-“ zoning out as Ned gives us a full blown lecture about not hanging I feel two sets of eyes on me. One of the girl I’ve been in love with for years and the boy trying to take her away from me sitting at another table.

“Peter are you ok?” She asked putting a hand on my shoulder while her other pulled away my closed fist. “Y-yeah fine. Great! I have to go sorry Yn.” Quickly running out the cafeteria going to the schools front door. I could afford missing a class.

Besides I wouldn’t be able to focus no way, I’m to busy thinking about how Flash is gonna French kiss my girl. I mean Yn.

“Dude whats got you all in your feels?” Ned asked while he laid on the floor. “What do you mean.” You ask not taking your eyes off of the group photo of you three. “You’ve been out of it man. Is it Yn?” My eyes widen as I sit up quickly. “Yn? What are you talking about” you nervously chuckle.

“Oh cmon on man Ive known you my whole life. Your in love with her.” He grinned. “No! T-that, thats… true. God Ned why did I have to fall for her thats my best friend she’ll never like me back that way.” You jumped off the bed walking on the walls.

“I FREAKING KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU LIKED HER ITS SO OBVIOUS” He yelled standing up. “What obvious how? No. Yn is to good for me. One she’s amazing, she’s super smart, and very pretty. So so pretty, and plus she’s the girl of my dreams but I know it’ll never work out if Flash gets with her.” Ned just grinned like a idiot at my confession.

“Just work your Peter charm there’s no way she could turn you down.” I nod taking a deep breath while sitting upside down on the ceiling. “No I cant! Flash has way more of a chance than me and hes a complete idiot. But Yn’s my girl so i have to try.” A spark lights in your head as you crawl to the door.

As my bedroom door creaks open my nose is hit with a familiar smell. Looking straight ahead is YN standing with her mouth open in shock..

Did I just ruin our friendship.

Part 2: https://eddiesmunsonswife.tumblr.com/post/689163973318377472/but-thats-my-girl-part-2

#spider web #spiderman #tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #spider man homecoming #spider man far from home #fluff #angst #female reader #ned leeds #friends to lovers

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beamzar · 6 months

Text

23rd November 2023

Open entry: 19:54

Today was a good day.

I woke up as usual and threw on whatever cl9thes i had left over from the week. Most of my clothes have been dissapearing, and i dont know where to. Its really irritating bevause ive got like 3 pairs of trousers left to live with. Hoge problem because i will be out and about woth my best friends parents and grandparents to a resturant, and I need to look presentable..... BUT MY TROUSERS ARE GONE. FOREVER. My mum keeps sending my clothes to bulgaria. Its so annoying.

School went completely normal. I was almost late because of my teeth routine, and having to find trousers.. but i managed to get there at a good time. The entire day was kind of a blur, but my last lesson did get cancelled, so me and my bff gpt out early. We went to her house and had a good chat. We talked woth her mom for like an hour. She is very "hip and cool", a very kind and nice person to be around. She is so cheery, shes like an angel in disguise. They were making Thanksgiving dinner, it looked very cozy. Her dad is super cool too. Also very cheery and outgoing. He met my mom, which im really haply about. Im glad they take me as an extension of the family like that, because i see them the same way. We havent knowm eachother for long, but they are definatelly like my 2nd family. Ive always wanted to have a younger sister, and my bsf is certainly the best person to have. In general. Im glad she opens up to me. I admire her alot, and she was one of the best things that happened to me my entire lifetime,so im happy that i can provide her with a safe space to talk things through. I love her dearly and i want to do everything in my will to heal her soul where it has been wronged, bwcause she deseeves the best in life, hinestly.

Everyone of my friends do really. I told them this. I hope they saw my words to be true, and take them to heart, because im honest. Writing this feels like putting my fingers on knives, because im very shy, but i have to tell them all how much i love them. I need to reassure them that they are loved and appreciated, because i never had that. I never had reassurance, i never had that support, so i want to provide it to them. To love them the way I havent been, love them the way they deserve to be loved. I cant honestly believe that they are real, that my life righr now is real.

All my life ive honestly lived in a daze, in a flash. I was at the pit bottom of my trail, a shell of a human being. And while im regaining my sences slowly, i still do feel like this, all the time. I cant accept the fact that all of the sudden, my life has gone from misery to comfort and joy.

My past has stripped me from all emotion really, i pile everything up and hang it to dry until it hits me like a train and i completely shut off and distance myself.

Well thats dialed dowm now, bevause of them. And i still cant fully adjust to this change. Being loved like this has hinestly been such a distant thing to me all my life, so i often need to ground myself and give myself time to realise that its all real, all in present time.

I do really love my friends.

Im exited for tomorrow to come.

Close entry: 20:11

#Spotify

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catty-words · 1 year

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Oh! The mustache thing and David. Okay, okay. It still feels kinda weird to say someone is racist over this, but yeah, now that you point it out I see it. I had a childhood friend who got in a foreign exchange student program for a year in high school and when she came back she told us how since the gringos couldnt say her name properly they just defaulted to calling her "Brazil" 😑

I feel a bit called out about twitter, even if its true and I'm only there cuz I'm an addict being held hostage. I've also curated my fandom experience, but I was really needing more info and saw stuff that bummed me out while researching 🥲🥲 I dont mind seeing people criticize characters cuz like we are all entitled to our opinion even if I disagree, but I guess it kinda shocked me still. I guess I forgot about how in some ship wars I participated in when I was 13 some people would call the other characters rapists and stuff after being away from typical fandom toxicity for so long lol.

About the tone shift: yeah I did, but it didnt feel "drastic", just different. In a bad way. Like one of the first metas I read talked about how Devi lacked autonomy in season two and I was like YES THAT WAS WHAT I WAS THINKING even thought not really I was just "wait why is this feeling a bit off... weird... let me play the next episode and just hope is merely a vibe" I dont hate season 2 as much as you seem to, however season 1 and 3 are indeed superior. Season 3 is my favorite out of the three because I really like how the characters matured. A favorite episode is probably 1x10, like the scene of Nalini with dr. Ryan moves me, then Ben driving cackles me up, then I back to being moved by them spreading Mohan ashes with beautiful day playing, then boys like you as "you stayed" and benvi kiss and paxton calling and back to the kiss and I'm like OMG WHAT IS SHE GOING TO DO I HAVE CLASS TOMORROW AND ITS ALMOST TWO BUT FUCK I NEED TO KEEP WATCHING THIS. I always feel like that when I'm rewatching even if it's not two am and I dont have class the next day lmao

You are going to think I'm super horny but probably "why don’t you show me the bitty spark you’ve been saving for his mattress?". It's the one I reread the most after all. The awkwardness of the situation?? Their great characterization??? Devi having no idea of what to do with Ben of all people making her feel like that??? Fab and Eleanor still unsure about him at school and being cutely protective of Devi??? Ugh, just kill me already (please dont)

"you're gonna fall (but i'll catch you)" is also great! I love to read adults au for shows about hs characters and hs aus for shows about adult characters idk why but there are not enough adult aus for nhie in my opinion and yours is my fave!!! Plus Ben being so into stories is adorable as someone who really sees herself in Abed Nadir. Plus the way is not just about their romance but also Devi dealing with grief and her complicated relationship with her mother and self destructive tendencies and... ugh I just love it.

It still feels kinda weird to say someone is racist over this, but yeah, now that you point it out I see it. - i think the disconnect comes from the way fandom uses words like 'racist' to build cases about how it's Objectively Wrong for anyone to like a certain character, whereas the word itself applies to a whole spectrum of behavior and morality. like, it shouldn't actually be that uncomfortable to admit that ben can be and is sometimes racist, he is a walking definition of privilege. him internalizing racist sentiment should hardly be surprising. but it also doesn't make him irredeemable scum. he's obviously a really caring character, as well.

on a related note, yikes @ those students who committed micro-aggressions to your childhood friend. as they get further and further into their life, may they reflect and do better rather than double-down.

I dont mind seeing people criticize characters cuz like we are all entitled to our opinion even if I disagree, but I guess it kinda shocked me still. I guess I forgot about how in some ship wars I participated in when I was 13 some people would call the other characters rapists and stuff after being away from typical fandom toxicity for so long lol. - i get it, i get it. for me, there need exist a gaping divide between exposing myself to critical or even harsh reads of characters i love and/or identify with for the sake of refining my own read of the text and giving the time of day to people who aren't engaging sincerely with the text. protect yourself in the echo-chamber!

About the tone shift: yeah I did, but it didnt feel "drastic", just different. In a bad way. - VINDICATION

but jfgdf - I dont hate season 2 as much as you seem to - i feel compelled to clarify that it's not that i hate season two, not really. it's more that the season let me down and then, by nature of netflix shows' release schedules being what they are, forced me to sit with that disappointment for over a year. it's that i love season one SO MUCH, i couldn't reconcile how much i didn't vibe with season two. on paper, you're right, the tone difference is not drastic, but the emotional response it elicited in me definitely was.

and I'm like OMG WHAT IS SHE GOING TO DO I HAVE CLASS TOMORROW AND ITS ALMOST TWO BUT FUCK I NEED TO KEEP WATCHING THIS. I always feel like that when I'm rewatching even if it's not two am and I dont have class the next day lmao - i love you for this, and 1.10 is such a valid choice she really is That Bitch

You are going to think I'm super horny but probably "why don’t you show me the bitty spark you’ve been saving for his mattress?". - first of all, embrace the horny within. it's important to the show that you do, we're in the spirit of the source material here! second of all, this choice makes me really happy because i love that fic and generally speaking, people are a little shier about giving feedback on smut but, like, that's hands down some of my best writing (both for d/b and more generally). so. thank you.

Fab and Eleanor still unsure about him at school and being cutely protective of Devi??? - you may already know that i'm writing a long-form follow-up with 'bitty spark' acting as the prologue since it sounds like you picked through my blog a bit and i feel like i never shut up about the sequel BUT ANYWAY one of the best parts about it is ben finding himself enmeshed in the girl squad, if i do say so myself. (x)

I love to read adults au for shows about hs characters and hs aus for shows about adult characters idk why but there are not enough adult aus for nhie in my opinion and yours is my fave!!! - okay, well now i'm going to think about you every time i read an adult AU for a high school show or a high school AU for an adult show.

thank you for fueling my vanity and for stopping by my askbox in the first place!

#anon #replies #i guess i'll put this in my general show tag?#never have i ever

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bridgyrose · 7 months

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Serenity and Endymion were not the only one that reincarnated. Beryl did as well, just a normal high school girl attending school with Usagi.

“You’ll be in class tomorrow, right Usagi?” Naru asked with a smile. “And then we can try to study together like we used to.”

“I’d love to, but I promised Ami that I’d let her tutor me,” Usagi answered. “But… maybe this weekend?”

Naru smiled weakly and gave a small understanding nod. “Of course, this weekend. Dont forget this time.”

“I promise I wont!”

Naru let her smile drop as Usagi ran off, a small sigh escaping her lips as she carried her books back to the classroom. It had been the same way for months ever since Usagi started hanging out with those other girls. Study sessions became less frequent, Usagi always ended up busy and unable to hang out, even lunches were starting to quiet when the girls would disappear. Still, she couldnt just ask Usagi what was going on. After all, everyone has things they would rather not talk about, and trying to force Usagi or her friends to talk about what they were doing didnt seem like a great idea to begin with.

She paused for a moment as a headache started up, her vision starting to blur for a brief moment as her heart started to pound in her chest. Naru’s hand shook as she reached for the classroom door, feeling the presence deep in her heart start to surface, memories reawakening inside of her. Beryl. Serenity. Endymion. Names that she never knew before that resonated with something deep inside of her as a smirk started to cross her lips. She remembered everything, who she was and her purpose. Queen Beryl, the true ruler of the cosmos.

“Now its time for me to start my real work,” Beryl said quietly to herself as she sat her books down on an empty table in the classroom. Spending years locked away in a highschool student was torture on its own, but being this close to Princess Serenty, this close to the one woman who had spent millenia stopping her with those other guardians of hers… it made her blood boil thinking that she’s had this many opportunities to stop Sailor Moon and not once was she able to succeed in any meaningful way.

She started to get to work, taking out a small necklace from her pocket and laying it down on the table in front of her. The red, garnet stone glistened in the light as she pried it from its setting with a pen. A wicked smile crossed her lips as she held the stone up into the light, looking at each facet with the same intent as a jeweler. Once she was pleased with the stone in her hands, she rubbed her fingers around it, magic pulsing into the stone as she placed it back into place on the necklace. “And now, the real fun begins.”

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Usagi, you forgot your necklace!” Queen Beryl yelled out in Naru’s form, hiding the smirk that crossed her lips. “I swear you’d forget your head if it wasnt attached.”

Usagi nodded and took the necklace from Naru, quickly putting it around her neck. “I didnt realize I had dropped it. Thanks, Naru.”

Beryl smiled as she watched the necklace give a faint glow as it was tucked away into Usagi’s shirt. “It was no problem at all. Just remember the promise you made to me.”

“I will.”

Beryl walked off, grinning as she took a turn down an empty street and shed her schoolgirl form. She took a moment to feel the sun on her skin, and took a deep breath as she already felt the necklace working its magic on Usagi. “All I have to do now is wait for that necklace to absorb your youth and power, Serenity, and then the cosmos will be mine to rule.” She pulled out her phone and smiled as she made a single call. “Nephrite, it’s time for you to go to work.”

#sailor moon #usagi tsukino #naru osaka #drabbles #queen beryl #:)

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xxacidbathprincessofdarknessxx · 1 year

Text

struggling with emotional permanence is literally hell. like when i come home from having a really fun hang out with someone, it feels like i leave all those good emotions behind, and once im alone i feel so empty. i want to have fun with them again but im too eager and beat myself up when i dont feel whole enough even though im with people i love. sometimes i forget about the gaping void in my chest and actually manage to have a good time, but then thats when i arrive home and find myself alone again, and all the feelings come back. and i realize although i had fun, it didnt feel like me. i didnt feel like i was showing my true self, i felt like i was just hiding my despair, trying to forget about it just to have a laugh or two with people i think arent so bad.

also bc of adhd this makes me struggle sexually, like i have a tendency to only act sexually and flirtatiously around someone if ive been with them or im interested in them/theyre interested in me, and like ill think of them as The Person I Go To For Sex and i have a hard time not being that way around them because well frankly it gives me a lot of stimulation, and when im with friends i want to have as much fun as we can really. i guess i hold myself to high expectations because i want to have a fun time so i try to make it fun by i guess doing a thing with them that i find very stimulating. my friends and partners have always been an escape from school and family problems for me so i guess thats another reason why i wanna go wild with them every time we hang out.

idk. im at a weird point in my life, people are taking genuine interest in me and im over here, cant seem to feel anything good for them and i feel horrible about it. i wanna have a healthy relationship but the last person i opened up to made me feel like i grew codependent on them and im still healing from that. i still feel too needy and greedy and childish and selfish and like theres something terribly wrong with me, but like im still making myself hang out and meet people as much as i can because i have two choices, give up or keep trying, and at least trying keeps me on my feet and going to new places and it gets me to tomorrow, and with the new day comes new thoughts and new scenarios, and you cant control that inevitably, things will change. i may feel this way now, i may feel worse tomorrow, but life always grows from death. success comes from defeat. i will keep trying.

despite everything, its still me.

#vent post #emotional impermanence #mentally exhausted #codependency

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foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland · 9 months

Text

Ok that helped. Im not okay all the way but i can go to sleep now. If u see me tomorrow beatin myself uo abt waking up 2 late, tell me to cool it a little. N sit in tbe garden and watch the sky. Bc im not on a time limit or smt n i dont have 2 get everyday perfect, just gotta do what i can, n take it slow. N also remember that literally no matter what therell always be a next time. That one post, ive forgotten exactly how it goes, but it was smth abt how. The mountains dont change too much n like. Theyll always be there. And idk it just makes me feel a little calmer bc its true. No matter what i do, there'll always be a world put there n shit. However far in the future, i can always see the same sky n walk thru the same fields n go to the same beaches n ust everything around me will be so constant when ik where 2 look. School sucks but one day itll be over, my parents suck but theyre leaving on friday, im sad about the past but i have so much present to love, and anxietys a bitch but i can try my best atleast,because My best doesnt have to be The best. Just what i can do. And what im gonna do rn is go to sleep. Goodnight car alarm in the distance and goodnight plane flying overhead and goodnight gay people in my phone and goodnight patch of streetlight coming thru my window and goodnight. See u tmrw

#night thoughts #i should do this more often tjis has stopped me spiraling so much #feel beter now and a lot more sleepy

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not-me-haha · 2 years

Text

If only.... -yjw

FOURTEENTH CHAPTER: hide and seek

You woke up at once after an oddly weird dream. Cold sweat glistened on your tired face. You tried recalling what your dream was but the only thing you could hear was this song.

"When it all comes to an end, and it falls all apart, not even death can separate you, is the promise of my heart"

Cupping your ears with your palms to somehow stop the song from repeating over and over again, it all came to a halt once you heard your mother knock on the bedroom door. "Y/N, breakfast is ready. Are you up?"

"Uh- yes. I- I'll be down in a few." You said holding your head to come back to reality.

You checked your phone to see a new text from Jungwon.

Goodnight Y/N, meet me tomorrow.

You sprung up from your phone, hair still a mess, trying to get ready as quick as possible.

"Mom, I'm going!"

"Y/N! Dont rush or the food may come out. Dont run!"

"I'm late mom ah" you turned back after cribbing to your mom to see Jungwon, the boy for whom you got ready faster than Usain Bolt. Instant butterflies in your belly or was it the club sandwich you swallowed? You almost gagged but held it in. It is true mother knows best.

"I thought you wanted to meet me at school. You're in such a hurry Yang Jungwon" you said with a smug look.

"You know, I missed you so much it made my heart hurt" he said pulling you into a warm embrace.

"Ah dont squeeze to hard, my breakfast might just come out."

Laughing and giggling you both walked to school. The day went just as usual except now you constantly had this feeling of an adrenaline rush since Jungwon was around you.

"So you and Jungwon are like friends right?" Asked Alisha in a more concerned way. Usually she would joke around tease you, but today you could see her eyes waiting for a positive answer.

"Um- yes, I guess I dont know, no?" You said perplexed due to her sudden mood change.

"Yes or no Y/N?"

"Its kinda complicated, I'll tell you once we figure it out."

"We?"

"Yeah we, me and Jungwon"

"Y/N, I think you should-" Alisha's sentence was cut short as Min Chae happened to pass by.

"Were you saying anything?" The long black haired Min Chae questioned. "I thought I heard something, perhaps your thought." Min Chae's gaze and smirk were so powerful, almost hypnotizing.

"Yes I was saying something in fact" Alisha continued fiercely, standing up for herself, but truly it was to protect you.

"Y/N is my f-" Alisha froze, not uttering a word as though she had lost her memory. In reality it was Min Chae's power.

You were simply confused, Alisha went back to her desk and Min Chae left after giving you a smile which was new for you.

Leaving the school gates you walked slowly, hoping 'that someone' joins you. It was dark outside, the moon shone like a diamond.

Suddenly you felt a cold breeze blow past you. You instantly knew who it was as the feeling of warmth and tumbling in your tummy arose and this time it wasnt your club sandwich.

You were about to turn around to face Jungwon but instead your phone buzzed and it was him.

Jungwon : Y/N, walk five steps ahead of me and dont walk towards your house, someplace filled with people, maybe a grocery store.

Me : Okay but why? Is everything alright?

Jungwon : Just walk and keep texting me.

You were utterly confused but continued to do as he said.

You walked to the nearest 7/11 store which was unsurprisingly crowded. Turning back you could see Jungwon, his shoulders even broader as though he was trying to guard something.

As you were texting Jungwon about what you should do next, you bumped into someone.

"Ah sorry" you said and tried to get past the person but they didnt move.

"Well hello Y/N. Miss me?"

Masterlist hehe

#enhypen #jungwon #kpop #enhypen ff #enhypen imagines #jungwon x reader #jungwon x y/n #vampire #enhypen fluff #wonie #jake enha #heeseung #kim sunoo #park jongseong #park sunghoon #nishimura riki

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tears-of-boredom · 11 months

Text

i want to be dead. but you know, in that passive way where its just kind of a fact. im pretty sure its just my womanly hormones talking but i really dont see myself ever getting out of this mud. metaphorical mud i mean. im like laying in mud, and sometimes i manage to stand up,, but you know, im still standing in it, and covered in it. and eventually i fall back down. you know i seemingly really like to make up stupid metaphors. i have no idea why, maybe it makes me feel smart.

im tired. tomorrow i have a driving lesson. my first one. ever. im not really worried for myself, i just feel like the teacher is going to be dissapointed in me or something.

ive been having annoying dreams. in the last one i was smoking with my sibling and i talked to them about how ive been having so many dreams where ive smoked. i hate that my dreams do that. reference other dreams as if they arent dreams themselves. makes it harder to wake up ya know. i wish id have a positive dream for once. amybe one about moving on my own and getting away from this family finally. or more like just getting away from mom. shes literally the only one i want to be away from.

ive been decorating my room. setting up shelves and buying trinkets from kontti. it kind of halted because i couldnt figure out why our nail gun wasnt accepting the nails i was putting in it, and then i couldnt find any other kind. and i didnt want to ask mom for help. and also i decided to do the net thing, which is the main thing, cuz ill hang shit from it. i guess i could hammer a hook into the wall for a painting...but the point was that ive been thinking about the fact that if i wanna move before im 18, all this decoration ive been planning wont have the opportunity to be up for that long. but also that was the reason that ive literally never felt comfortable decorating my room, even when the ones that were completely my own. and i decided that this time im not gonna make that mistake and just decorate if i want to, no thinking about how itll have to be taken down eventually.

anyways im just really sad, and i visited my sister recently and i was really close to crying just because her apartment seemed so safe and so much like it was hers. and i like really want that for myself. and im just sad. and i dont wanna go to the driving lesson tomorrow. not because i dont wanna go to the lesson itself, but because i feel like ill be like at my worst, and thus wont get that much out of it.

i really want to get out of this house. when we were moving, there was like two weeks where me and my brother spent the nights at this new apartment, while mom slept at the old one, just because our trips to school would be much shorter. and those two weeks felt like heaven honestly. i didnt even realise why i felt so good and happy, until mom started sleeping here as well, and all the joy drained from me in an instant.

i dont know how to express to the adults in my life how much i want to live on my own. because im just a child. a fifteen year old child. and living with a different adult wont work. it has to be alone. i can promise you that when i fucking get that apartment, no matter how small or shitty, i will cry tears of happiness and relief.

im hesitant to even type these words but: maybe i should talk to my mom about this. just tell her that i really want to move out. no feeling-sharing needed.

i wanna go skydiving without a parachute. soar through the air for the first and last time in my life.

i wish i could fly. ive wished that for a long time. i remember wishing it ever vacation i had to spend up north. and everytime i spent a recess alone in the school yard.

i hate that im crying just because im menstruating. it makes me feel like my emotions arent true. not like i trust my emotions to be true any other fucking time.

why is life like this. why do so many people get to live so easy lives and then i have to do this shit.

ohhkay i just felt the urge to go get a knife so im not going to feed my own anger.

im tired.

its weird because i do dissociate clearly, but its always more liek just, my body seems weird, and it feels realy creepy how my body just moves when i want it to. and i feel like im just watching through someone elses eyes. it cant be me whos so good at typing. im clumsy, i struggle with guitar chords and mute the wrong strings. why are my hands so soft. it feels really gross to be in this body. but still, in the back of my head i know that im ust making this all up in my head. because who the fuck else is this. of course its my finger that are typing my thoughts out.

even my fucking ring looks weird and foreign.why does my skin have a texture. why are humans os fucking gross.why do i have to feel things.

oh my god im driving myself into a fucking meltdown right down im going to force myself to stop.

#sorry #and i took off my glasses so i cant see my screen that well so im not fixing the typos..#ew why does being a human feel so gross..#tearful stuff

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slyshyfoxy · 7 days

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4 May 2024

Hello its mee, recently i have been meeting up with my friends, but i realised that i am quite lost in my career aspects on what i should do continuing for my career, and my school life i dont enjoy that is gonna start. I think its just environment and i feel like very isolated from my school friends? I think because in the past of the things, but i believe i have the power to change my present, so i just gonna continue to attend classes, and not getting affected by people so much, and really care more about my studies. Try to ace finish my studies, actually left 3 more months, it will fly in an eye bah. I just need to really focus on my classes and lessons. I think there are many things to be grateful for especially like my friends all they are here, like my gf jojo is being supportive, marcus, xavier, bobby, sufi, jj, weeping, celeste, shankar. I think is more than enough true friends that i have in my life that i need. And i dont have to doubt and just be myself from now on, i will just say whatever is on my mind and all. And then continue to go gym. Walk the trackmill and continue to lose some weight and also recently jojo bought me a pink gaming chair which i do feel grateful and happy about it. The present is actually making me much more happier than before. So i dont have to think so much and really live in the present.

And my school is starting soon, which is on monday i hope everythings good. Need to charge my ipad.

Then need to start doing my capstone soon. And i will try to get my driving license by this year, tomorrow i am going to driving circuit too, honestly tomorrow is like $116 per lesson quite expensive looool. But i will pass it. And i think for my career, i think i should not stress myself out and by july i will try to have an answer for myself in the career sector. I will put a deadline to it. Because i do not want myself to slack off too much for 1 year or smtg, i want it to be ok. Like at least rest for 2months+? then i will get back to work, because i scare i will drop back into being depresso. And what the fuck? My father say he will give each of us 300k? I dunno if it will happen anot, dunno he's lying or what by October 2024 we will know. And then the legal issue with AIA i think i will craft out a paragraph about it right now before anything happens. The next thing is, probably trying to earn some pocket money, as xavier also teached the options trading. Think can give it a go and try. For now my goal is to attend classes and score high for my studies at all times no matter what. Jiayous jenny. Hope u got friends that can support you too. - 4 May 2024

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tianamarieg · 3 months

Text

2/16/24

wow tumblr. reading all this old stuff makes me cringe. me in my 20s was riddled with insecurities but also a lot of "i'm not like other girls" vibes. but i do see someone who really wanted to be loved under all of that. i was sure id be single for life, but i've been in a relationship for over 9 years now. you really think you are sure of shit in your 20s. but in your 30s your realize you dont know anything and, you along with everyone else, are just going through life one day at a time hoping for the best.

im one year sober (from everything!) tomorrow. i got help and got my shit together and im happy about it but also realize anything can happen and i dont know what the future will bring me. just again, hoping i continue to make the healthier choices, and if i dont i remember quickly what it feels like to be in the dark and remember the tools i acquired to get back out of that funk.

in recovery they say you recover your inner child, or your true self. i feel that. i feel more like myself in high school, before i drank or used. i truly am an introvert. i like being alone and doing things alone, but i also realize the value of connection. its important to have relationships with other people. i am learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable and to socialize without the substances. it drains my social battery pretty quickly but i also accepted that this is okay, and its okay to leave the party as early as i need instead of forcing myself to sit through something that clearly isnt for me anymore.

i bake! for someone who wasnt a big fan of sweets, i've taken to baking pretty quickly. im also pretty good at it. who would have thought?

im also into yoga. i thought it was just stretching and boring but its so much more and i have barely scratched the surface of it.

i have been reading again but right now its mostly of the nonfiction variety. my book collection is increasing though which is nice.

i exercise a lot. i jog, walk, do strengthening videos, and the yoga as mentioned. i also eat healthy ish. i dont deprive myself but i do loosely calorie count and dont binge like i used to, but i still love food. i just learned to have a healthier relationship with food. i still dont eat meat but will try it if it looks good.

im still emotionally stunted but im trying to unlearn unhealthy behaviors and thought processes. i have a long way to go and know all this is pretty much a lifelong deal, i just hope again that things go as smoothly as they can with what i'm given at the time.

i still dont have children and still dont want any. i am not married and have no interest in it. but i have my long term partner and things are content. im okay with that in life today.

im 35 now and things arent perfect and they never will be. i cried in the dark yesterday because my anxiety and depression has been so bad, but i also remembered that none of it is permanent. my feelings will pass, and luckily i have healthy habits in place that keep me on track. vulnerability is still hard for me but im learning that its okay to not be okay, but also that its okay to be okay.

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