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livinthatfantasylife · 3 years

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Take Care Chapter 1

For the past few years, there had been rumors of a mysterious figure who'd look out for wandering travelers, tales of people getting ambushed by monsters and guardians, only to wake the next morning at the nearest Inn or Stable and any wounds bandaged and taken care of. From near every nook and cranny, the tales spread of a benevolent and gentle creature, and yet, none have seen their face.

The rain beat heavily on Link's body, only serving to make the pain his body felt worsen as he attempted to will the power to get up. He'd fallen from climbing after getting caught in the rain. The already hard to grab on to rocks becoming slippery, and his already tired body finally losing the little stamina he had left. It had only been a month since he'd woken up from his long slumber, and it seemed that he'd already be returning without even stepping foot into Hyrule Castle or even defeating a single Devine Beast. He felt groggy from sleepless nights, hunting for shrines to get stronger and helping others in every way he could. It was the least he thought he could do for leaving them to suffer all these years. He needed to stop Ganon; every fiber of his being told him he had to, and the suffering he'd seen of others told him he needed to. Yet, here he was, eyes blurry and head pounding, slowly losing all consciousness and once again failing the people of Hyrule. He felt the cold bite at him, like being trapped under the ice's surface with no way out. He couldn't die, not here, not yet; the people of Hyrule depended on him. They didn't deserve to suffer for another hundred years. But by the goddesses, he felt so tired, even breathing was taking great efforts. He was so cold, so tired, sleep seemed so welcoming. He couldn't even hear the rain anymore; The blurriness and burning sensation in his eyes were the only things that reminded him of the pouring rain. He saw the dark sky light up in a flash through blurry eyes and felt the rumble underneath him. Lightning, just his luck. Finally, he felt the last bit of strength leave him and allowed himself to relax. The people of Hyrule could wait just a few minutes, right? He'd only rest for a minute, then he'd get right back up. Yeah, just a minute. He'll get up and find another way of getting to that shrine at that mountain right after resting. Then he'd head to Kakariko Village to the statue of the goddess and use the shadow orbs to make himself more resilient. He'll need to head back to the Zora Domain to help Prince Sidon with Vah Ruta. All that. In just a minute. The icy cold rain made his body numb to the point he couldn't even feel his aching muscles; he actually felt pretty nice at that moment. It was like drowning in honey. He let his racing mind ease, let his tired eyes close, his stuttering breath slow, and let his cold, frigid body relax. The ground was cold and hard, but he wouldn't be resting long, so it would do for now. He'll be up in a minute; Hyrule won't have to wait long. Just a few minutes.

Link woke up feeling warm, the surface underneath him soft. His body felt relaxed; he nearly went back to sleep before remembering where he'd been initially and sitting up like he'd been struck by lightning. Immediately he felt the pain in his stomach and moved his hands to wrap around it, his hands meeting bandages. He let out a wince at the pain, eyes shutting tightly. Then hearing the quick steps approach, he quickly snapped them open and turned his head to the sound source. "Master Link!" Paya? Here? Where was he? "I'm so glad you are alright. We were so worried when we saw you unconscious on that horse!" He was on a horse? "But after we got you and your stuff off, it ran off!" He didn't have a horse; why was he on a horse? How did he even get on the horse? Did he wake back up and tame a horse? Why did he tame a horse? How did he tame it? He doesn't remember a horse? The confusion on his must have been very apparent because Paya's face went from relief to worry and finally to panic. " I'm so sorry! I shouldn't be rambling so much; you just woke up!" She brought both her hands up and covered her face, though the redness of her ears was still very visible. Link took the time to look around the room he was in; it was the Inn in Karkariko, which explains why Paya is here, but he still wasn't sure how he got here. Did he tame a horse and not remember? If so, why did it run off after dropping him off? He was interrupted from his thoughts by the grumbling of his own stomach, now it was his turn to be embarrassed. Paya peeked through her hands and spotted Link's embarrassed face looking like his stomach had just exposed to everyone his deepest secret. She brought her hands down and instead covered her mouth, eyes full of worry. "That's right, you've been asleep for a whole day and a half, you hadn't woken up at all, so you haven't eaten anything in that time." He didn't have the heart to tell her he hadn't eaten anything proper for much longer than that and risk giving her a heart attack. He stayed quiet as she rambled about how worried everyone was. " It is strange that you were already bandaged when you got here and that your horse ran off after it brought you here." Wait, he was already bandaged when he got here? Now Link was even more confused. He looked down at his bandages and noticed that they didn't look like standard bandages. They had a slight blue tint. Now that he thought about it when he sat up earlier and after the pain had subsided, he recalls a cooling sensation where the wound was. They actually felt really nice right now. But who bandaged him if it was already there when he arrived? He knew for sure it wasn't himself; he hadn't brought any with him in the first place. "It's not strange at all!" Both Paya and Link jumped at the new voice and turned their heads to the door at a near breakneck speed. A sheikah girl stood at the now open doorway, dressed in typically sheikah wear and long braided hair reaching all the way down to her mid-thigh; that was all Link managed to observe before his eyes immediately zeroed in on the tray of food in her hands. Vegetable soup and honey bread with a cup of tea, he felt like he would cry tears of joy; it smelt so good he felt like he'd been blessed. The sheik girls must have noticed his intense stare, but he was too hungry to be embarrassed about it. The newly entered sheikah girl giggled, " I won't keep you waiting longer, dig in, hero!" She placed the tray down on his lap, and he wasted not a second before digging in. The girls giggled at his eagerness before engaging in their own conversation. Misha sat on another bed, and Paya remained seated at the end of Links'. Paya and the other girl, Misha, talked about how Misha had only recently arrived back to Karkariko to help her older brother run the Inn. Paya and Misha had apparently been great friends before Misha had left to learn more about medicine and food. Link had only been half paying attention until Paya asked, " so what did you mean it wasn't strange when you walked in?" That was a question Link also wondered and decided he should probably also eat slower before he chokes. Misha smiled at Paya, " I'd recognize that horse anywhere, giant horses are very rare after all, and there's only one person I know who owns one." She looked off to the side with a dreamy expression. "Really? Who?" Paya tilted her head to the side in confusion, wrecking her brain to think of anyone she could think of that could tame such a huge horse. She'd initially believed it was Link, but Misha's wording and that dreamy, distant look at nothing told her otherwise. Misha looked back in surprise, "you don't know?!" Now Link was even more confused; he was on a giant horse? He'd never even seen one of those, and if he did, he definitely doesn't remember. Misha looked at Link and noticed his lost expression. She sighed and smiled sheepishly. "I suppose I should start at the beginning." "For years, there has been a travelers tale about a supposed "guardian angel" who watches over anyone who finds themselves in trouble on their journey. People who would fall unconscious from an ambush form Yoga, guardians, every kind of beast and every time they'd wake up at the nearest village or Stable with their wounds bandaged and their items safe and nearly untouched." She appeared to get lost in her retelling of the tale, eyes filled with stars and cheeks red with admiration. "I've heard the rumors about them in passing, but how are you so sure it was them?" Paya asked. Misha looked away, embarrassed and nervous, "ah-ha, well, you see- on my way back to Karkariko Village, I may have, maybe, taken a wrong turn and ended up... Running into a... Guardian..." Misha leaned back with her eyes closed tightly, bracing for what was to come. " A GUARDIAN?!" And there it was. "Misha! You said you had no trouble on your way back!" " And I didn't, really. I mean, I was saved!" That dreamy look returned with a sigh, "oh, Paya, you should have seen them," she stood up quickly from her seat on the bed, fists raised and clenched in a faux fighting stance. "There I was, a lost maiden hoping to take a short cut to return to my dear Sheik people!" She spoke dramatically, emphasizing her words by clutching one hand to her chest and placing the back of her other hand on her forehead with her eyes closed. " Next thing I know! Bzzzzzzt! I feel a point of heat aimed straight at me; I look through the trees and see the guardian look straight at me! Blue slowly turning red!" Link had long finished his food, his attention now on the Sheik before him as she rather impressively retold the events. He wondered how long she'd been waiting to talk about it. " I felt the fear freeze me in place, unable to look away, and yet overwhelmed with the urge to run as fast I could!" She stilled her body and went completely rigid, yet she kept that starry look in her eyes. "I could only stare a the charging white beam, it was so bright, and I knew it was too late run. BUT THEN a figure runs in front of me, their tall, dark figure blocking out the light of the beam and snapping me out of my daze!" She widened her stance, lifting one hand up as if guarding with a shield, her smile wide and confident. "It happened so quick, I waited for the beam to hit me, my eyes closed and my hands in front of me trying to shield myself in any way I could," she mimicked a scared and nervous stance before spring back to a guarding pose, she brought the hand that assumably had an imaginary shield and swiped it forward, mimicking a perfect parry. "I felt the wind from the blast as they hit the beam right back at that mechanical abomination! I barely had time to process it as the machine was trying to recalibrate itself to aim again before I was effortlessly thrown on to the back of a giant horse! When I looked back, I saw them charging straight at the guardian before I was too far to see what happened next." She finished dramatically, flopping onto the other bed and panting heavily. She certainly had a talent for storytelling, that's for sure; both Paya and Link were hung on every word the whole time. " And then what?" Paya asked, looking intrigued and in awe. Misha sat back up and smiled apologetically, " not much; I was stuck on the horse for awhile since I couldn't just jump off while it was moving. Eventually, it stopped near the road to Karkariko and let me down, and then it just ran off." She sighed, " I was originally worried that my savior hadn't made it," she turned to look at Link with a smile, "but seeing you come in with that horse, now I know they're just fine." "Well, I'm glad you were saved; I'm still upset that you hadn't told anyone what happened." Paya scolded. "Hey, I already knew it was a dumb idea to wander off the trail so late at night. I didn't need other people reminding me!" Misha huffed. The Link was confused, less than before, but still. There weren't a lot of people who could step to a guardian and survive, even less who'd do it for a stranger. They even went through the effort of bandaging his wounds before sending him back. "Oh, by the way, I washed that cloak you had on when you were brought in," Misha turned to the side and picked up a folded up cloak before leaving it on Link's bed. "We should probably let you rest, come on Paya. " Misha motioned for Paya to follow. Paya's eyes rose in realization before looking back at Link, "Oh my! I'm sorry we've kept you awake, Master Link!" She bowed her head low, "we'll let you get your rest! Goodnight'" she sputtered before leaving with Misha. Link looked out the window; it really was late in the night. How long had he been out? Wait, didn't Paya said he'd slept the whole day? That's too long! Link scrambled to get out of bed, his muscles screaming at him and his exhaustion threatening his legs to give out; the cloak fell to the floor. Link hurriedly searched for his things, spotting them at the corner of the room. He moved to get to them, nearly tripping over the dark cloak. He properly balanced himself and look to his feet where the cloak was now slightly wrinkled. Misha mentioned he was wearing it when he got here; he lifted the cloak up, unraveling it in the process. It was huge! The bottom portion pooled onto the floor as he examined it. The fabric was soft on the inside but sleek outside (most likely to keep from getting wet and cold). It was a dark color; shining it in the light revealed the outer portion had a gradient from blue at the top to purple at the bottom, the inside was a soft pastel yellow. In short, it looked cozy. Link lifted it above his head to see more of the details on the outer portion. The hood portion had a starry pattern, the clasp was unique; one side possessed a crescent moon shape while the other was shaped like the sun. He lifts it higher to look at the bottom, something falling out of the cloak in the process right near his feet, a crumbled piece of paper. He folded the cloak quickly and scooped of the paper. Placing the cloak back on to the bed, he smoothed out the paper. A note? Written neatly in black ink, though slightly faded, it read: "Take better care of yourself, hero."

#x reader #male reader #link legend of zelda #link x reader

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patchworkpuzzle · 3 years

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Hello again!!

My precious Emme ( @doinmybesthere ) has made another writing challenge; this week on Myths! And. much like what happened to Stevie Nicks, I had this overwhelming urge to write about Rhiannon (though probably very loosely). And though she said it had to be 1K words, it took the SOFT part of that rule to heart (its about 1.3k)

I hope you all like it and enjoy it!

Bakugou x f!Reader (i guess?)

Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night

Wouldn’t you love to love her

You had many names, many incarnations, that the mortals would call you. As well as many titles they would attribute to you; never fully deciding on what exactly your claim was. All they knew for sure was that you were a goodness, something devine and worth worshipping.

Worth worshipping you indeed. Though you were not like the others, with strong claims and ties to the mortals; able to assist them in things like winning a bloody war, or gaining infinite knowledge, or providing grain and hearth to keep prosperous; you were something that no one could quite put a name to.

You were everything and nothing at the same time. That was probably why the mortals didn’t know who you were, not to the same extent. There was no scripture dictating your birth, not of any that would tell tales of excellence and adventures. You simply just were.

And though they could not place you with the other Gods, they still loved you. Wished you were the beautiful creature that they may stumble upon when they entered the temples they dedicated to you. The one that would appear after bells would chime so merrily through the air. The one that would bless them should they ask for your charity. The one they prayed to when all hope seemed lost.

They wanted your love. No matter the consequences.

Even some of the other gods were confused as to who you were exactly; through their pride would mean they would never ask you in fear of embarrassment. But that didn’t mean they were not intrigued as well. The mystery around you made many enraptured, unable to resist the curiosity that was you.

All your life you’ve never seen

A woman, taken by the wind

That mystery, those stories, all of it was the core essence of who you were. A goodness not known for much power, but who was to say that creativity was not powerful. It could be, if wielded properly; and when the mortals created art and built monuments, you radiated power and grace.

Like the wind you would walk amongst the heavens; like a divine creature one had never seen before. And their eyes would never drift from you. Almost as if they couldn’t, wouldn’t, look away in fear they would never see it again.

Even those that were hailed for their beauty, Gods of the like of Mina and Aoyama, would envy you as their jealous glares would try and pierce the back of your head; scoffing whenever you would greet them with a kind smile.

Those that ruled above them all, Gods like Toshinori and Enji, always seemed to feel small when you walked by them; afraid of the power you held, afraid of what might become of them if the mere mortals gave you more.

And those who had never seemed to notice you before, the War God Bakugou and his ally born of fire Kirishima, would start to look in your direction; never wanting to before as you seemed to be weak, power seemingly wasted, but now lusting over you.

Most other Gods didn’t mind you much, the muses like Kaminari and Jirou enjoyed reaping the benefits your power created. And those that laid in the underground, like Tokoyami and his bird that would guide lost souls, never cared much for those trivial things; simply enjoy your presence whenever a chance could be given.

She’s like a cat in the dark

And then she is the darkness

Because much like the bright light creativity may bring, causing vitality and innovation to prosper and be enjoyed, to bring happiness, there was always a catch.

It was not always there all the time; your name would be forgotten most. And where was one to go when there is seemingly nothing? To where all the forgotten go, into the darkness where all the other lost and trying creatures go.

The power you gain from being there is dark, and feral, and primal; it was fear. the kind that always made skin crawl and the brave weep. Stories and fables that tell children of the dangers of the world, mythical creatures that would howl at the moon and cure those to be like them, the eerie silence that would almost deafen the weak and make their skin crawl whenever they looked into the same darkness.

As much as you were that beautiful light, one that many wish to chase and bed, you were also the darkness that made their stomachs twist in knots and wake up from in a cold sweat.

Though because your life held no restrictions, no limits or struggles that kept you fixed in one position for long, you were free to do what you wanted. Gods, like most mortals, were stuck within one realm of life; to do the one thing they were born to do, and be responsible for it.

She rules her life like a fine skylark

When the sky is starless

Bakugou had to create and win wars, Yaoyorozu had to give wisdom to those that asked for it, Mina had to grant those love when they desired it, and Toshinori had to make sure the sun rose day after day.

You were not bound to these limitations, as creativity was an endless pool; one constantly circulating and maintaining itself by the natural and real curiosity held within the hearts of every single mortal; though some held more strength in it, it was always there.

And so, you were to rule your life how you saw fit. And some years it was filled with kindness, donating all your resources and time to mortals in order for them to create and invent things that would never be forgotten. Other times it was spent in agony and anger, allowing the world to run in confusion and chaos; allowing the mortals to create in that same fear and anger you felt.

Most of the time, however, you stayed out of it all. When the skies were bare it was clear to see where one must go; where you should and wanted to go. A blank canvas to guide you to where destiny may be.

There were times you fell in love; a feat impossible not to do when you have lived through all of time; when you had watched others do it time and time again.

Would you stay if she promised you heaven

Would you ever win

Many deities, like yourself, had many lovers over their lives. Some of them were great, while others were great tragedies. And you sadly could never say that you had a great love, only tragedies.

You promised so many things to them, unable not to when in the throws of love. Rose tinted your sight, and all you could see was bliss and wonder; blind to the jealousies of others. Blind to see that you had won the heart of a mortal that another had laid claim to; or to those that had tried to claim yours.

Those Gods, like Bakugou, whose jealousy got a hold of them and used their red hot fury to smite down those that you tried to love; those that you promised to give all the wonders of the world and heavens to. In their fit of rage to want to win your heart, all they did was make you hate them more; foolish actions that would mean you could never real love again, no matter how hard you tired.

You could never win love. After the few that died from the kind you tried to give, you realized the fact that you were never going to be able to obtain it; so there was no use in trying.

That no matter how powerful you were, no matter how much strength you wielded within the hearts and actions of every mortal, you were nothing but a forgotten name. One that would come into the minds of others every now and then, one that would cause another piece of beauty, you were simply nothing.

And everything.

Dreams unwind

Love’s a state of mind

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vintagedolan · 3 years

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mixtape | track seven

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

*contains smut*

When Nicole died, Indiana convinced herself that someone was holding down a fast forward button on her life. Some greater power with a universal remote, carelessly keeping a finger shoved down on the little button with the double arrows, with no regard to the fleeting few days she had left with her most important person.

History seemed to be repeating itself, with the best physical representation being the very quickly evolving tiny homes.

The first thing on Grayson’s agenda when they’d made it back to NYC was to decorate the property for Halloween. It hadn’t seemed like the most sound plan to Indy, considering last time they were out in the field it was just raw building materials, a platform and lots of grass. But when she climbed off the back of the quad, away from Grayson’s warmth and into the chilly air, she was standing in front of a house, or at least the bones of one, with the beginnings of the loft and stairs formed inside. It wasn’t polished yet - in fact, there wasn’t even a front door to hang the spider wreath that he had bought at Home Depot. But there was a house, and it stood as a reminder that time was passing quickly.

Despite how over the top the Dolan’s were about it, Halloween was a blink. Ethan was still in California, spending a few more days with Eden, but they facetimed in their costumes anyways - Indy had been convinced into dressing up at the last minute, which resulted in a witch costume that consisted of black leggings and a black bodysuit, which got covered up by a spare hoodie of Grayson’s early in the evening, brought on by the ever-dropping Jersey temperatures. But they celebrated with Lisa, and with E squared across the miles with a bonfire and too many pieces of candy, and Indy realized at the end of the night that it was the first holiday she’d had with family in years. It filled a vacant room in a back hallway of her heart that she didn’t realize had been abandoned, and as soon as the calendar turned to November, she was determined.

“Thanksgiving. Me, you, Lisa, Ethan, Eden, Cam, Charlie and Devin. Thoughts, opinions?”

Grayson quirked an eyebrow from the other side of the couch, face lit by his laptop screen.

“Vegan thanksgiving?”

She nudged him in the side with her foot, getting the perfect angle from where she was laying to tickle him. “Nah, we’re gonna cook a whole meal that 25% of the participants can’t eat. Sounds like the holiday of dreams.”

He poked her with a toe. “Yeah, that sounds good to me. Might have to find an extra table at Ma’s though.”

“I can plan out a menu, make sure everyone brings something. Charlie can bring plates, for all our sakes.”

“Then Ethan can bring cups, cause god knows he doesn’t know what the fuck to do in a kitchen. And I can do the menu, you’ve got enough on your plate.”

“It’s not that bad this week,” she countered, but before she could say anything else he’d picked up her planner, looking at all the little color coordinated blocks that she’d drawn out. Grayson had never had a planner before, much less an hourly one, and it stressed him out a bit just to see how little time she didn’t have allotted to something. His finger moved over a little block in dark blue, a tiny scribble inside it - time with g :).

“You block out time for us to hang out?”

“I block out time to do just about everything but pee,” she laughed, keeping her eyes on her textbook as he continued to look through her pages.

“You haven’t peed in like… 3 hours. Drink your water.”

She stuck her tongue out but did as he asked, watching the way he found something on the page and frowned, eyebrows creasing across his forehead.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He answered it too quickly, and it was her turn to frown.

“Babe. What is it?”

“It just says, uh, ‘deposit from Kenneth’. Who’s Kenneth?”

Her breathing stopped for a moment. She hadn’t heard that name said aloud in years.

“Oh um. That’s my dad. Kenneth Cross.”

He switched from realization to guilt in an instant, flipping the planner shut. Grayson wasn’t privy to much information about Indiana’s father, but he didn’t need much to know that the relationship wasn’t great.

“Shit, Dee, sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

She closed her textbook, sitting it aside with a sigh. Sitting up, she crossed her legs on the couch, a bid to get a little closer to him.

“No, it’s okay. We probably should have talked about it by now anyways. What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you want to tell me.” He offered her his hand, knowing she liked to toy with her fingers when she talked, hoping it would help.

“Well. He wasn’t always a shit head. Actually, he used to be a pretty good dad. When Charlie and I were growing up, he was always there. He coached Charlie’s basketball team, then mine. He helped mom with dinner, we all went on vacation together. I mean, I had a good childhood, I really did. But things changed when mom got sick.”

“How long was she sick?”

“Six months. It took her fast, much faster than usual with her stage and her type. I thought my dad would step up, but he didn’t. He shut down. And I get that, it was hard, but we needed him and he just… wasn’t there. Charlie had to take her to appointments because I couldn’t drive yet. He stayed at home and worked, and drank, and then drank some more and called it work. He never talked about mom, never even admitted to himself she was sick I don’t think. So Charlie and I did our best, and we stayed with her as much as we could, especially towards the end. I’d ride the subway out of the city to get to school cause I slept at the hospital most nights. And I guess Charlie and I didn’t realize, but he was working on selling the house while we were doing all that, before she was even fucking gone. So, when she did go, all of a sudden she was gone, and my house was gone, and Charlie was going to school, so it was just me and him.

“We moved into a smaller house. He didn’t talk to me. He was a shell without my mom. And I thought it would get better but it didn’t. So, I taught myself how to be okay without him, and without my mom… without anyone. I think he realized it too, and some part of him felt bad. But he knew he couldn’t fix it. So, the summer before college, he said he’d pay for wherever I wanted to live for school. I couldn’t swing rent on a Jet’s salary, and I wanted to get out of his house, so I agreed. I moved in here freshman year, and we haven’t seen each other since. Haven’t even talked on the phone really. He deposits rent in my account each month, and as soon as I can get enough money to not have him do that, I’m going to tell him to stop. I don’t want him to think I need him, for anything.”

Indy looked up for the first time since her story started, and she sucked in a breath at the sight of Grayson’s watery eyes. He blinked it away and cleared his throat, but the way he opened his arms up told a different story.

“I don’t like hating him. But I don’t know how to forgive him either.”

“C’mere,” he mumbled, waiting for her to readjust and climb on top of him. His arms wrapped around her tightly, like he wanted to press her into him and make her a part of him.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that with your mom like that, I can’t imagine.”

Indy lifted her head and looked at him with sad eyes.

“Yes you can.”

The knot in his throat grew, and he kissed her head when she relaxed against him again. He let the silence settle for a few minutes, tracing a heart against her back and pressing his lips into her hair over and over.

“I had my mom though. She helped us through the entire thing. And I had Ethan, and Cam. And I know you had Charlie, but thinking about you having to do that without a parent.” He shook his head. “I hate it. Not to mention the rest of the bullshit he’s probably put you through that you’re too nice to tell me about.”

It was her turn to get teary.

“Well, I’m okay now. I made it, and so did you.”

He ran a thumb over her cheek with a soft smile.

“Wish you didn’t have to make it through it at all.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

Grayson shifted then, rolled them over to the side so Indy was between him and the back of the couch, coiling his arms around her tightly, shifting her up enough for him to kiss her. He let his hand roam down her back, over her ass, grabbing and moving until her leg slotted above his.

“I love you,” he said, hoping she knew just how much. She moved her hand from his cheek, let her arm wrap around him, trapping him closer to her.

“Love you more.”

He shook his head at her, making her laugh against his skin.

“You don’t have a nap written in your schedule, am I gonna screw it all up?”

“I can shift things. I’m flexible.”

He laughed again, a beautiful sound that bounced off the walls of the apartment and filled the space. Indy kept her leg wrapped around him, holding him close and finding his lips with hers again, breathing him in - her favorite distraction.

“Flexible hm? How flexible?” His voice had dropped slightly, throat gruff.

She knew they weren’t going to sleep, so she gave in, dipping down to kiss along his neck, taking charge a bit more than usual.

“You know, I think we might be the only couple who can switch from parental trauma to horny within 60 seconds,” she mused, smiling at the rumbling laugh it got out of him.

“Maybe we’re just built different.”

“Hate that,” Indy mumbled, moving back up to kiss him again. He wasted no time in coaxing her shirt off, sitting them up with her in his lap so he could do the same to his own, getting her bra off quickly after his own sweatshirt was gone. There was no better feeling than her skin against his, he was sure. Her hand landed on the middle of his chest and she hummed, smiling.

“You didn’t shave your chest hair.”

He pulled back a bit with an incredulous look. He hadn't even thought about it, but she was right. “You noticed that?”

“I notice everything about you. You’re my favorite thing to study,” she smiled, and his heart melted in his chest. The only way he knew to respond was to pull her back to him. In a bed, he would have rolled them over, climbed above her, but the couch limited him and he was at her mercy for the time being.

She didn’t seem to be in much of a rush, and between the slow roll of her hips and the kisses she pressed along a path from his jaw to his collarbone, he was very much wishing she would pick up the pace. His hands slid down to her hips, pressing her down against him in a bid for friction.

“Easy,” Indy laughed his favorite laugh, the breathy one that seemed like an afterthought. “If I’m gonna rearrange my schedule, I get to set the pace.”

“Well then, take it away,” he chuckled, but it faded into more of a groan when she nipped at his shoulder, letting her hands run down his sides. She left goosebumps in the wake of her nails, and he couldn’t help but shudder as she toyed with the waistband of his sweats for a moment, like she was playing a game. Grayson Dolan wasn’t used to being at the whim of anyone, and it was liberating in a way that had his nerves buzzing.

Indiana was perhaps enjoying herself a bit too much. Usually, she was so overwhelmed by him that she didn’t have time to really take him in. So, she soaked up the opportunity of having him displayed out for her, tracing her fingers over every plane of him - the v of his hips, the muscles over his ribs. Down his arms, back up to his shoulders, running her thumbs over his scruff as she cupped his face. When she made it back down to his abs she felt them flex under her hands, his hips bucking up just barely against hers.

“Baby.” His tone was stern, and she played into a bit, looking at him as innocently as she could.

“Hmmm?”

“You’re teasing.”

“I’m admiring.”

“Okay, then you’re cheesy and you’re teasing.”

“Guilty as charged,” she murmured, shrugging a bit.

Bad move.

His arms wrapped around her tightly, ensuring he didn’t lose his grip as he planted a foot on the floor and rose up just enough to roll them, getting her underneath him on the couch. It happened so fast that all she could do was gasp, eyes wide as she stared up at him, the blues bright with shock.

“Now, where were we.”

His cockiness was back in full swing, but he paused at the pout that came over Indy’s face.

“What?”

“I kinda liked being up there,” she said, running her hands along his arms as he held himself up above her.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna switch again?”

“Kinda.”

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal. Pants off, then we switch.”

“Deal.”

He stood up first, taking her hand and pulling her up to her feet. They shimmied out of the pants and underwear quickly, leaving them in a pile on the rug in a rush to get back to each other. The mood shifted yet again when he guided her onto his lap as he sat down, lighthearted and fun as she got herself settled. Grayson had never had lighthearted sex before he met Indiana Cross. It was always scratching an itch, even when it was with people he was in a relationship with. She seemed to unlock another side of him, one that made it so much more fun to have her above him, struggling to keep her hair out of her face and get close enough to him at the same time. He wasn’t sure how she managed to be adorable and sexy at the same time, but when she finally got herself lined up and began to sink down onto him, he didn’t have the brain power left to care.

“Shit Dee,” he groaned, using every bit of self control he had to keep his hips still, letting her set her agonizingly slow pace.

She whimpered with every inch that she moved down, finally taking all of him somehow, arching her back for a moment before she caved, leaning forward onto his chest, burying her face in his neck.

He started as slow as his body would let him, groaning as she started to grind her hips, searching out an angle that kept the pressure building. It took a moment, like it always did when they tried a new position, but when she found it Grayson knew by the way her nails dug into his shoulders. He grabbed her hips to hold her there, memorizing the way their bodies fit together so he could get right back to that same spot over and over again.

“Gray,” she whimpered into his ear, bracing her forearms on his shoulders as he chased her high for her, determined to have her shaking. All she could do was moan and hold on as he thrusted into her faster with a renewed purpose, only stopping when she clenched so hard that he could barely move.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Indy whined, every muscle in her body tightening down in defense of how overwhelmed she suddenly felt, breath catching in her throat as her orgasm ripped through her. His arms coiled around her back as if he was trying to hold her together as she shook, and he chased the last of his high, lifting her off of him at the last possible second before he came, white streaks landing on his torso. He knew it would be a mess and he didn’t care - he pressed her back to him, wrapping her up for a moment in his arms and letting the two of them come down.

“Woah. Good woah,” Indy mumbled, pressing kisses to his neck where she could reach.

“I second your good woah.”

“Good.”

“Do you have time in your flexible schedule for a shower? I got you all sticky.”

She sat up and pretended to ponder it for a moment, making a show of quirking her eyebrow just to make him laugh. “I suppose I could pencil it in. C’mon.”

She climbed off him and took his hand, leading him to her bathroom with a smile. They paused in front of the mirror for a moment, and it was the first time in a long time that Indy felt happy to be looking in one. But still, she turned around and looked up at her boyfriend - he looked better in real life than in his reflection anyways.

“You know, if you play your cards right, you might just win yourself a round two.”

That was all it took for him to pick her up so fast she squealed, carrying her behind the privacy of the shower curtain for a second taste.

-------------

Bekah’s hands were always cold, but they felt like ice cubes in Indy’s hands. She rubbed along her skin in a bid to warm her up, eyes wandering over to Grayson.

“She’s pale,” he murmured, keeping his distance as he stood at the end of the bed. The sight of her so still in her hospital bed was unsettling. He had expected their first visit back to be filled with smiles, and ‘I miss you’s’, stories of California and her recovery.

Instead, they’d walked into Bekah’s room to find her fast asleep underneath her Halloween blanket, brows furrowed in what he hoped was concern and not pain.

“Her body is probably just trying to get used to the new cells. Not making enough blood, she’s probably up for another transfusion soon.”

“How do you know?”

Indy nodded towards what Grayson had assumed was an IV pole - he supposed it was, but instead of the usual bags of clear or milky liquid, there were just empty hooks.

“An hour.”

Bekah’s voice was dry and horse, and although it was quiet, it made both of them jump.

“Hey! How’re you feeling?” Indy immediately perked up, painting that smile across her face that Grayson had started to associate with everything hospital, from the sounds to the smell of bleach.

“Tired. My next transfusion is in an hour.”

“Did the doctor say anything about your counts?”

Bekah looked at her and rolled her eyes, wincing as she tried to sit up in bed. Indy reached to help her but she held a hand up.

“I have a transfusion in an hour, you tell me what my counts are,” she muttered, sitting up for a moment before she let out a sigh and put her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Beks,” Grayson said.

“No, it’s not. You all came to see me and I’m being an asshole.”

“No one is nice when they don’t feel good,” Gray offered, moving to the other side of the bed and resting a hand on her shoulder. It was a simple gesture, a small attempt at consoling, but it was too much for Bekah. The sniffles turned into broken sobs that shook her entire body so hard it looked like she would come apart.

“I’m just tired of this. I’m tired.”

There wasn’t an adequate response to give, so the room filled with silence apart from her sobs as they did their best to hold her together, wrapping their arms around her, around each other. Indy’s eyes were red by the time Bekah’s cries quieted, and Grayson scrambled to come up with something, anything, to lighten the mood.

“Well, if we have an hour, that means we have time for an episode of something. Didn’t you say you were watching Vampire Diaries while we were gone?”

Bekah nodded, laying back against the pillows.

“Then let’s watch one and just chill. Save your energy.”

He set it up quickly, turning off the lights and pulling his chair over to the side of her bed as it started to play. When he looked over, there was just enough light to see that Bekah had reached for Indy’s hand. And to his surprise, she reached for his too. He took it, trying to ignore the way his throat tightened at the feeling of her squeezing weakly - a silent thank you as the episode began to play.

-------------

The first two weeks of November passed with unrelenting speed. Indiana buried herself in her school work, carving out what she could for quality time for Grayson, even if it was just going out to Jersey with him for a movie night that ended with her asleep on his lap before the opening scene was done. He didn’t mind - he just liked having her around, watching her get closer with Ethan and his mom, knowing she was safe because she was there with him. It was hard to help someone who was so determined on being independent, but he did what he could and she did the same, spending what little time she had encouraging him and supporting him.

Grayson had his own work to focus on, and it filled the time nicely as they worked to get their brands up and running through the holidays, plus the task of finalizing the plans for the details of the tiny homes. Somehow, it was already the week of Thanksgiving before he stopped to take a breath, which he found in the backyard with his brother the day before the holiday.

“Listen. I can make rolls. I can’t fuck that up.”

“Ethan, you could fuck anything up, including rolls. Just get cups. And things to put in the cups.”

“Fuck you,” Ethan grumbled, tossing the football a bit harder than necessary across the back lot. Grayson wished he’d put on gloves, but

“When is evil coming in?”

“She lands tonight, gotta go pick her up at 10:30. Is Indy staying out here tonight too?”

“No, I’m staying at her place, her sister and her boyfriend fly in tomorrow morning so we gotta pick them up. You’re picking up Cam tonight too right?”

“Yeah. Damn, I feel like dad,” Ethan laughed, a puff of white in the cold air.

Grayson waited for him to elaborate, throwing the ball back.

“He was always the chauffeur. I mean jesus, how many times do you think he picked us up from the airport when we came home?”

“True, he fucking hated that drive too. Complained about it the whole time, every time.”

“Like you don’t hate driving into the city.”

Grayson quirked an eyebrow at him, tossing the ball a bit harder, trying to put a different spin on it.

“Okay, fine, used to hate it. Now you just like it cause you get laid at the end of it.”

“True,” Gray grinned. “That makes me sound like a douchebag though.”

“You are a douchebag.”

“We’re identical twins, so if I’m a douchebag you’re a douchebag by association,” Grayson said.

“True. You aren’t a douchebag when you’re around Indiana, I’ll give you that.”

“Yeah, she wouldn’t put up with that shit.”

“You are a simp though.”

“Says you.”

“I never said I wasn’t.” Ethan shrugged, offering up a smile as he threw. “Eden really likes her by the way. Says they’d be great sister-in-laws in the future. I told her to chill with that shit though.”

Grayson missed the ball, not even bothering to watch it bounce away on the ground.

“Why?”

“Well, you said you were never going to ask her to leave, or move or whatever. And you live in LA, we live in LA, so... I mean, being here this long is just because of the tiny houses. And I know you, you can’t do long distance bro, you’re too physical.”

“Oh fuck you, I can survive without getting my dick wet if it means being with somebody I love.”

“That’s not what I fucking meant, I mean you’re touchy, and you need to be close to the people you love. Like physically close, as in in the same room, in the same house at least. That’s why I haven’t said shit about you being at her place every night of the week. I get it Gray, it’s how you are. But that shit won’t work when you’re on the other side of the country, and I know you aren’t going to ask her to fly out there to see you after how bad those flights were for her. And I love you, and I’m gonna support you, but you can’t fly home every weekend either. We have businesses, we have shit to do. Work.”

“I know that, I’m not stupid.”

“And it makes me feel like a shit brother but you always tell me that I’m supposed to keep you on track, so if that means being the bad guy then that means being the bad guy.”

“E I know.”

“I’m not saying you have to like break up with her or anything but, I just, I think it’s gonna be hard. Like really really hard.”

“Ethan. I know.”

“I just don’t want to see you hurt, that’s all.”

“Yeah. I get it. But can you just drop it for two fucking seconds? It’s almost Thanksgiving, let’s just focus on that. Besides, you’re the one who said to wait to cross the bridge when we come to it,” Grayson huffed.

“It’s the last week of November almost. Hate to break it to you, but the bridge is right in front of you.”

The thought made his stomach drop.

“Let’s go inside. S’cold.”

--------------

It felt unnatural to have her sister in the back seat, but that’s where Charlie climbed in after Grayson had helped them load their minimal luggage into the back of the car and made his introductions. They’d borrowed Lisa’s SUV for Devin’s sake, knowing that his long legs would be cramped in the backseat of anything, especially the truck.

“How was your flight?” Indy turned almost fully in her seat, trying to soak in every minute she had with her sister - they had to fly out bright and early the next morning.

“Bumpy,” Charlie laughed, picking at her nails in her lap. Indy frowned when she noticed - it was her nervous tick.

“Devin I have no idea how you fit in coach bro, I barely fit and I’m tiny compared to you,” Grayson chimed in, checking over his shoulder as he pulled out of the pick up lane.

“It’s a struggle my man, it’s a struggle. But I don’t think anyone in their right mind would look at you and call you tiny. You’ve got me beat in every department but leg length.”

“Hey, if you’re actually serious about growing muscle I can throw together a workout for you while you’re here.”

“For real? That would be sick bro, I could really use the help.”

Indy held back her laugh at how they both slipped into bro mode so quickly, and Charlie seemed to be on the same page as she snickered. Eventually conversation gave way to music, Indy proud of herself for finding a perfect 2000’s throwback playlist that had everyone singing and bouncing around in their seats. By the time they made it to the house, they were all a bit breathless and full of nostalgia.

When they climbed out onto the gravel, Charlie stuck close to her sister.

“Lisa is mom. And Ethan is the twin, Eden is the sister, Cameron is the girlfriend?”

“Cameron is sister, Eden is girlfriend,” Indy laughed. “Thank god you asked.”

Charlie gave a bit of a chuckle, and Indy nudged her.

“They’re good people Char. Don’t worry, they’ll love you.”

“I just… haven’t done this in a while.”

She wrapped her arm around her older sister’s shoulders as they approached the house, squeezing her lightly.

“I know sis. I know.”

Inside, Eden was trying to be subtle as she peeked through the blinds on the windows, watching the whole crew approach.

“They’re here! Come to the door, they’re here!”

“Babe, that’s creepy. Just come sit down,” Ethan laughed, waiting for Cameron to make her next move in chess.

“It’s not creepy, it’s friendly,” she countered, but she stood back from the door at the last moment to try to make it less intimidating.

“Hey guys!” Grayson’s voice boomed loud through the house as soon as he opened the door, his excitement obvious. Cam and Ethan abandoned their chess game for a moment, and Lisa came from the kitchen with a warm smile.

Indiana officially met Cameron for the first time, happy that she went in for the hug. Lisa hugged everyone, making everyone laugh when she looked up at Devin and said “my god you’re tall.”

Once everyone had met everyone, Lisa clapped her hands.

“Alright, let’s get to work!”

The Dolan’s did things in stations it seemed, which pleased Indy’s organizational side that usually went a bit crazy around the holidays. Lisa was nice enough to assign each couple a dish to work on, which of course became a competition, like everything seemed to. Indy wasn’t sure how they were going to truly compare E squared’s vegan stuffing to Charlie and Devin’s vegan mac and cheese, but she didn’t care.

Because Grayson was beaming beside her as they worked on peeling potatoes over the trash can, and everywhere she looked she saw smiles. Devin was swaying his hips to the music while Charlie tried to copy him, just a blip behind the beat. Ethan and Eden raced to see who could chop vegetables quicker until Lisa told them to slow down so someone didn’t end up needing stitches.

LIsa was the master of the operation, working on three different things at once, waving off Indy’s offer of help.

“I used to feed all three of them and their dad. Cooking for an army is second nature,” she teased, but that familiar tone was in her voice that tugged at Indy’s heart. Ethan eventually connected to the speakers and shuffled a playlist filled with everything, from Elton John to Cudi. Grayson got vegan butter on his shirt at one point while dancing too hard, and when Indy laughed he swiped it off with a finger and smeared it on her nose. The kitchen got so hot they cracked a window, with the revolving door of the oven trying to handle all the dishes and all the bodies close together.

By 2pm, everyone took turns carrying everything into the dining room to the massive which Cameron had decorated. Everyone took their places at the table, with LIsa at the head, Grayson and Ethan beside her with the girls beside them, and Charlie beside Indy, Devin beside Eden, who had seemed to hit it off with him in their short few hours of knowing each other, and Cam at the other head.

“Before we start, I think we should all go around and share something that we’re thankful for,” Lisa proposed. “I’ll start. I’m very thankful for my health, and for my family. For my wonderful daughter, and my amazing boys, and my husband, who I love and who watches over us every day.”

She could only speak for herself, but it was a safe bet that everyone’s throats tightened. Ethan cleared his before he spoke.

“I’m thankful for my family, for the quality time we get to spend together. For my brother’s ability to deal with my ass and his help in chasing our dreams and making that shit happen. And for Eden, because… well just because.”

Eden laid her head against his shoulder for a moment before she spoke up.

“I’m thankful for my dream job, and getting to do something I love every day. I’m thankful for Ethan, for loving me and keeping me sane. And I’m thankful for all of you, especially you Lisa, for welcoming me into the family.”

“I’m thankful to be here, to meet new people and get to eat some awesome food. Thank you, for inviting us in and sharing your holiday with us,” Devin said, polite as ever.

“I’m thankful for the wine,” Cam grinned, sipping from her glass quickly just to get an eye roll out of her mom. “And for all of you, and good food, and for family. Charlie?”

Charlie threw Indy a nervous glance before she spoke.

“I’m thankful for my sister, and my boyfriend, who always keep me together and on track, and who make me laugh. And I’m thankful for new friends, and good food.”

Indy had been so intent on listening to everyone else that she hadn’t even thought of her own response.

“I’m thankful for my sister, and for all of you guys, who have been so kind to me. I’m thankful for this guy,” she bumped Grayson’s shoulder. “For loving me, and supporting me in everything I do. And, I’m thankful for the years I had with my mom. I wish she could be here today, but I know she’s up there watching, and she’s thankful that I have you guys.”

She ignored the way her eyes stung, turning to Grayson, who squeezed her thigh under the table.

“I’m thankful for my family, and for the way that dad guided us to be who we are today - all of us Dolan’s. And I’m thankful for Indy for showing me what strength and determination looks like. And for everyone here, because we’re all family. I love you guys.”

The weight of his words hung in the air for a moment as everyone soaked them in.

“Alright, dig in!” Lisa broke the silence, reaching for the rolls.

Grayson squeezed Indy’s thigh once, tracing a little heart with his index finger when she leaned over to kiss his cheek before turning back to the table. They all ate until their plates were clear, almost all of them heading back in for seconds. The final verdict was that the vegan mac and cheese was the winner of the side dish competition, much to the pride of Devin. The evening settled into various activities, from Grayson teaching Devin proper pull up form to Charlie letting Eden take test shots on her camera. Indy mostly watched from the sidelines, happy to see all the people she loved all together in one place.

Her family.

“Thank you for this.” Lisa’s voice startled her a bit, but she relaxed when the older woman moved to stand beside her.

“I should be thanking you!”

“No. We didn’t do Thanksgiving last year. Everything was still too… raw, I suppose. Everyone is here because you asked them to be. So, thank you, truly.”

The tears that Indy had been fighting all day finally found their place on her cheeks, and she sniffled through a laugh when Lisa hugged her.

“Well, thanks for sharing your family.”

“It’s not sharing if you’re a part of it my dear.”

She pulled her close for a hug before the two of them folded themselves into the mix, running around in the cold air of the backyard and enjoying each other’s company as the night drew to a close. They opted for pie and vegan ice cream to finish off the night, and Charlie insisted they take some pictures before the food comas took over. She’d thought ahead enough to bring a tripod, and she sat it up in the living room, making sure every couple got a few that they liked, and that they all got one together. Lisa requested one of just her kids where they of course all goofed off enough to annoy her. Charlie would send them all in the next few days, Indy’s favorite being the one of her on Grayson’s back, wrapped around to kiss his cheek while he grinned with his eyes squeezed shut. It became her lock screen as soon as she saved it, and Lisa went on to get the family one framed, as well as the one of all of them together too, both beside each other on the mantel held with equal importance.

---------------------------------

The Thanksgiving leftovers only lasted two days in Indy’s fridge. With the stress of preparing for four cumulative finals, she didn’t have time to cook anything, and the microwaveable vegan leftovers were a god send. So was Grayson, who stayed by her side each day as she studied, quietly keeping himself busy with work until she needed him. It was a nice co-existence, both of them understanding the need for quiet but enjoying each other’s presence nonetheless. By Wednesday, she was only left with one last final, though it was her hardest, and she couldn’t convince herself that she’d prepared enough despite pulling multiple all nighters. He quizzed her when she asked, even though he butchered half the pronunciations. His commentary was the comedic relief she needed to get through it though, and she was more than grateful that he was there.

“Last set, and then you need to take a break.”

“But-”

“No buts. Unless you’re talking gluteus maximus.” He grinned when she rolled her eyes. “Baby you’ve been going non stop for 4 hours now.”

“Okay fine, hit me with it.”

“Soleus.” She pointed to the side of his calf. “Extensor carpi ulnaris.” The outer side of his forearm. “Zygomaticus major.” His cheek. “Iliopsoas.” The inside of his thigh.

“Dee, you know these. You literally don’t even have to think about it, you know them.”

She shook her head before he even finished his sentence. “I need more practice.”

“The only thing you need more of is sleep,” he countered. “C’mon, we’re both exhausted, let’s just take a nap.”

“Once we finish the set, then we can.”

“Fine. Serratus anterior.”

She tickled his ribs, making him squirm away from her.

“Biceps femoris.” She heaved his leg up from where it was resting on the couch, pointing to a spot in the middle of the back of his thigh.

“Teres major.” It was a reach, but she made it around to the back of his armpit.

“Teres minor.” She poked the same spot, just a bit harder.

“Okay, ouch, don’t abuse my teres. Uh, gastrocnemius.” She was gentler on his calf.

They went through the rest of the stack like that, with Grayson doing his best to say them correctly while Indy poked and prodded.

As soon as he flipped the last card he yawned, sitting the stack aside and leaning forward to grab her, dragging her on top of him and nuzzling his nose into her hair. Indy sighed and relaxed into him, his warmth and the weight of his arms settling her body down. She could remember the days where she’d always wanted something as simple as this, just laying on her couch with someone to hold, and she tried to soak it in.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you more,” Grayson countered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. His hands moved under her shirt over her back, finding space.

R-E-L-A-X

“Can’t. My mind won’t stop.”

“Well, I’d offer to sing to you or some shit, but your ears would probably bleed,” he chuckled.

“S’okay. I’ll just dream about muscles or something. Innervations.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“Oh yeah, riveting stuff.”

She wiggled around to get comfortable, her cheek squished against his chest as he rubbed her back.

“Sleep, have your little anatomy dreams,” he teased, reaching over the back of the couch for a blanket to drape over the two of them.

It took a little while, but she managed to drift off to the soothing sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of his fingers against her skin.

And she dreamed.

Indiana was in a hallway. White, smooth walls with doorways that stood black and brooding on either side. Her stomach turned a bit, unease washing through her veins as she took a few small steps forward, moving to peek past one of the frames.

“Don’t sweetheart.”

Her head shot up. At the end of the hall was Nicole. She looked young, even younger than Indy’s last memories of her. Youthful, and full of life, her blonde hair familiar as it hung down and framed her face.

“Mom.”

“Hi my love.”

Indiana ran. She barreled past the doors, not even giving them a second thought as she finally, finally landed in her mother’s arms. The tears were inevitable, but she didn’t care that she shook as Nicole held her, the way only a mom could. Held her body, but held her soul.

“Where have you been? Where’d you go?”

“I’ve been here the whole time. Right here with you.”

“I miss you. I miss you so much.”

“I know. But I’m here.”

She pulled back, letting her mom brush her hair behind her ear the way she always used to when it fell into her eyes.

“Look at you. You’re all grown up. Look at those beautiful eyes. So blue.”

“Just like yours,” Indy said.

“Just like mine.”

A part of her knew that she was dreaming. She knew her mother was gone, that this wasn’t real. But her heart refused to accept it, because she could feel her mother’s skin, hear her voice, feel her like she hadn’t been able to in so long. So she just stared. Tried to memorize every part of her face, every smile line, every freckle. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, but Nicole was the one to break the silence.

“Baby. I need you to be careful.”

Indy frowned. “Careful?”

“With your heart. I need you to be careful with your heart, with my heart.”

“Momma what do you mean?”

Nicole looked to the left. Indy followed her gaze, surprised to see that the light was on in the doorway.

The doorway to Bekah’s room.

“Beks,” she breathed. Her feet automatically moved, taking her into the room until Nicole’s arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her back.

“Indiana,” Nicole cautioned. “No.”

“No, no Mom it’s okay, she’s getting better, see? Look, she’s fine.”

She pushed forward, but Nicole’s grip only tightened.

“No baby. Look.”

Indy listened. And she watched. Watched Bekah try to sit up in her bed. She was probably calling for Jessica, or Emily, or maybe even Indy. Her mouth opened, and no sound came out, her eyes going wide for a moment before she fell back against the pillows, chest rising too fast, too shallow. Indy knew what that meant.

“No. NO! Beks! Bekah!”

“Shhhhh baby, there’s nothing you can do, Indiana stop, there’s nothing you can do.”

“BEKAH!” She cried anyways, fighting her mother’s grip as she watched the monitors light up, heard their mocking monotone calls as they alarmed. Nurses appeared, and Indy watched them do all the right things, give all the right medicine.

She didn’t wake up.

“No, no no no no,” Indy wailed, thrashing in her mother’s arms.

“Indiana. Indiana. Dee!”

She was back in her living room, and Grayson was scared.

“Wha-” she looked around, bewildered. She was sitting up, which disoriented her a bit, though she was with it enough to realize she was still in Grayson’s lap.

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re safe,” Grayson said, eyes still wide. He pushed her hair back out of her face as she looked down, only then realizing that she’d balled up his shirt in her hands. She let go, looking at the disheveled fabric, which was also splotched with dark spots.

“I’m- sorry, I don’t… I uh… I had a nightmare. Sorry.”

“It’s okay baby,” Grayson murmured. “You okay?”

Those two words brought on a whole other wave of tears, and she crumpled into him, shaking her head as she cried.

It took him by surprise for a moment - he knew she didn’t like to cry, and he’d never really seen her so upset. So he took a moment to process, and then he lifted her arms up over his shoulders, coiling his own around her and squeezing her to him as tight as he could without crushing her. He didn’t speak. He just held her, let her get it out of her system, whatever it was.

When her sobs turned to sniffles and his shirt was fully soaked through on the shoulder, he spoke up.

“What do you need? What can I do?”

She pulled back from him, frame seeming even smaller somehow as she sat there.

“Can you go check on Bekah? I know it’s Wednesday, and I know we’re going to tomorrow but… you don’t have to, I just, I know she’s alone up there, but I have so much work to do, and-”

“I can go. I’ll go,” he said. The pieces fell together in his brain, and he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Thank you,” she exhaled, shoulders slumping back down.

“Are you gonna be okay here by yourself while I’m gone?”

“Yeah, I need to study anyways, I’ll keep myself busy. Just need to know she’s okay.”

“Okay. I’ll make sure she’s good, might hang out for a bit and watch something if she’s up for it.”

“That sounds amazing. Thank you.”

He didn’t like the idea of leaving her there, but he could tell she wouldn’t have any peace of mind until she knew that Bekah was okay. It reminded him off all the times he’d called his mother in the middle of the night in those last few months before he’d officially come home, just to make sure his dad was still there.

“If you need me, call me okay? I’ll turn back around.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I love you,” she said, kissing him quickly.

“I love you more.”

He shifted her off him onto the couch and got up, putting his shoes and coat on quickly before he could convince himself to stay. It was already dark outside despite it only being 6pm, and he kept his head down on the streets on his way to the hospital, mind racing until he got up to the unit and signed in.

He half expected Bekah to be lying still in her bed, on her back with all her machines on. Or, at least for her to be drained and tired like she had been the last few times they saw her. But when he cleared the doorway she was sitting up in bed on her phone, random Tik Tok audio’s playing. She looked up at him and smiled her brightest smile.

“Earrings! It’s a Wednesday, the fuck are you doing here?!”

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“You get an extra dose of me this week, deal with it,” he teased, unzipping his coat and laying it over one of the chairs.

“Where’s Indy?”

“Studying for finals. It’s a me you date tonight, you pick. What’re we doing?”

“Well, I restarted Vampire Diaries.”

“Restarted? Bro, you were on season 7 yesterday!”

“Yeah so? The best seasons are the first two, we’ve been over this.”

“Whatever, scootch over.”

She did as he asked, though he had to put the bedrails down to even fit halfway on the mattress.

“Here, get in here so we can send some motivation to Dee,” he said, pulling out his phone and opening snapchat. They moved so just their noses-up were on screen, making Bekah laugh as he sent it off.

She screenshotted it and sent back a heart, which put his mind at ease enough to relax and attempt to enjoy an episode, though he wasn’t really following the plot considering they were almost halfway through the first season.

“So, what’s happening exactly?” He finally asked 20 minutes into the episode.

“Stefan is trying to be all ‘you deserve better than me’, and Damon just doesn’t give a shit. Essentially, Stefan doesn’t want to hurt Elena so he wants her to make the decision to break it off so he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy.”

“But if he loves her, then why does he want to break it off at all?”

“Well cause he’s bad for her. She would have to give up so much for him. She’s having to lie to her friends, hide all this stuff for him. Change her whole life really. But she wants to, because she loves him, he just doesn’t think it’s fair to ask that of her. But like… he’s still asking her to do it just by being with her, you know?”

He knew.

“I mean, and he’s a fucking vampire. Yah know, suck suck and all that jazz,” Bekah laughed. “If the rest isn’t a deal breaker, then that definitely is. I mean, yeah, Damon’s a vampire too but at least he just accepts it, and he doesn’t ask her to change or anything.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I’m Team Damon, if you couldn’t tell,” she tried again.

“Yeah. Me too.”

Grayson tried to shake himself out of his thoughts, but it was proving difficult. Luckily, Bekah just mistook it as him being super invested in the show, which made her happy. Jessica let him stay an extra fifteen minutes, and he took a quick video of Bekah wishing Indy luck on her last final before he left and headed out.

The walk home was worse. It was darker somehow, colder as his mind raced with realization after realization. He did his best to do the math in his head. It was December 3rd, which meant 30 days until he was supposed to go back to LA. All the way to the other side of the country, only coming back to Jersey every few months if he was able to. Ethan’s voice rang in his head as he trudged through the lobby and into the elevator.

That shit won’t work when you’re on the other side of the country.

He tried to breathe it off, put on a positive face before he opened Indy’s apartment door, smiling when he saw her on the couch, pencil tucked behind her ear as she looked over diagrams.

“Hi! How was it?”

“It was good, she’s good. Looks great actually.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket once, then again, and he pulled it out to check it.

A notification of a payment from the joint bank account, and then a text from E.

Booked the flights for the 2nd. Hope that’s cool.

“Everything okay?” Indy asked.

He put his phone back in his pocket and smiled.

“Yeah. Everything is fine.”

#lmao at me not formatting this right haha #lets try again!#mixtape #grayson dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan fanfiction #let me know what you think in exchange for my eternal love

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albertserra · 3 years

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All of this negativity is not meant to clear ground for a recuperation of The Sergeant. Not exactly. This is no neglected gem, because a) its historical importance means it has gotten more attention than most films of comparable subtlety, coherence, and wit; and b) it has almost no subtlety, coherence, or wit. What then does it have, and why think about it?

It has, simply, a core of power, a nagging substance that even its own foolishness cannot quite erase. Most of that power and substance (and not a little of the foolishness) radiate from Rod Steiger, who manages some masterly effects while giving the overall impression of bulldozing his character into the ground. As Callan, he is alternately ferocious and bagged out, either wound up or depleted; his fury is unproblematically convincing, but his show of soldierly bonhomie is demented, and his heartbreak as stylized as a ballerina’s swoon. Yet for everything that seems misjudged, for all the too-muchness of the performance, not for an instant is it less than fascinating, less than alive. Kael suggested that Steiger was cast only because his renown as a gifted actor-impersonator would assure the public that he (and hence the character) wasn’t “really” gay. While that may indeed have been the moviemakers’ intent, it ignores what had always been Steiger’s latently pansexual talent: no actor of his generation combined such stout male physicality with such delicacies of expression, voice, and movement. The outrageously epicene Mr. Joyboy in The Loved One (1965) saw Steiger playing freely with feints and flickers of body and voice that had been visible since the fifties, not only in the (implicitly gay) Hollywood studio boss of The Big Knife (1955), but also in roughneck characters like Jud in Oklahoma! (1955) and the title gangster in Al Capone (1959).

[...]

In the late sixties, [...] he worked at developing, or merely pushing, his worst tendencies: mannered virtuosity, battering-ram intensity, a wasteful worrying over every picayune mental or emotional process. (“He gives you too much for your five cents,” Sidney Lumet said of Steiger, who he directed in 1965’s The Pawnbroker.) But these performances have interest as a study in a great actor’s unapologetic defiance of good taste and rational proportion to make a style out of objectionable traits.

[...]

But it may be that Steiger’s lack of restraint takes us closer to “the farthest extreme of wretchedness” than we’re accustomed to in acting; that what makes us squirm is the unusual empathy we are being asked to summon in order to see this man as a human being; and that when we ask an actor to delineate pathos and pain with exquisite degrees of control, we may in fact be asking for a seemly, aestheticized distance from the very emotional truth we claim to be seeking.

[...]

At the sound of the gunshot, he sighs in resignation; another doomed faggot has bitten the dust.” Actually, the ending is somewhat different (as opposed to the novel’s ending, which more closely conforms to Russo’s description, but is complicated by the open-endedness of all that has preceded it). It’s true that Swanson doesn’t try to stop Callan from carrying out the inevitable. But instead of resignation, his face shows a dawning torment not remotely like any expression it has carried thus far. Hearing the rifle’s report, Swanson stares in its direction for a few seconds; then looks down and takes a step or two away; then stops, turns, and stares again at the woods. Law’s face looks blasted, flayed, as if somehow the gun has gone off inside his head. Far from shrugging off the demise of “another doomed faggot,” Swanson seems caught in a moment of life-changing realization.

— Devin McKinney, Looking Back: The Sergeant (1968)

#the sergeant #rod steiger #the whole article is a really really really good writeup if anyone is interested

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torivmod · 4 years

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Aquarius New Moon ♒️

-January 24th 2020-

If you were looking for a better time to let any baggage go, it’s today. This month, the New Moon in Aquarius is urging us to ask “What am I working towards” “Am I making myself proud?” “What/who can I give thanks to that has made the climb so easy for me.” This first step is the key to reaching a state of understanding to the current world around you. These are gifts handed down from your ancestors to help achieve something better in your own personal timeline. And this is the time our Skills really shine because we are put in an environment of change. Aquarius is a sign of the future, all types of physical ways of seeing energies and technology, so this New Moon gives us a whole makeover on our relationship with the collective consciousness.

More specifically this Aquarius New Moon is asking us to look at our relationship with the past in order to reconcile the future. Whatever we’ve been holding on to our Ancestors are looking at us like “But you have so much to be complaining about how hard your life is” They never imagined you’d turn out so advanced and futuristic with opportunities they never got to experience. They are proud. These gifts from our ancestors set the stage for what we are meant to continue in this lifetime. These gifts that they have laid out are significant to getting past this New Moon with Flying colors.

Your Moon sign and Maybe even Rising Sign can give a better clue as to what to look for:

Aries Moon/Rising: This new Moon might be showing you that you might not be addressing the right gifts for yourself something is making it hard to reach your own uniqueness due to, knowing Aries, probably fighting for the wrong thing. Remember that sometimes we fight for things that are just hard to let go of. Often due to some hurt coming back and or fear of losing something in the process, whatever it is this new Moon is here to tell you to put your focus back on yourself, and give yourself and your issues some space to work out anything you’ve been putting off, close those mental tabs and take yourself a little more serious. this way you come back to the realization that you are original no matter what you do you fiery demons...

Taurus Moon/Rising: With the square to Uranus this new Moon is urging you to really assess your Mental well being. Right now the Taurus energy is going through major uprooting and in order to compensate with it, we gotta work with the erratic energy we’re given even if it’s scary for us. We’re used to a certain kind of pleasure and stability and this month the Moon is throwing us into our own past and testing us to see if we really learned anything. The way to get out of it is by using the skills we’ve learned so far to help ourselves. We’re on our own so this means we must basically drop some stuff and cut out things that are not good for our future. You can be very self sufficient in the most dire of times, nows the time to use that sense...

Gemini Moon/Rising: Your ancestors have been watching you basically ignore them and this month they are putting people in your life to try to get you back to yourself. Not because you have been bad but because you have strayed a bit off the path that’s yours. As a Gemini you’re used to straying off but this month the Moon is urging you to return to your personal path, return to your center. “What was I doing before that whole mess?” You may ask yourself suddenly realizing you went on over a dozen tangents. To really find your originality just remember your personal code...

Cancer Moon/Rising: Poor cancer Moon this is not the best time for you, this is the time when you feel the least yourself but it’s good because this is the time you use to evaluate your emotional well being and consider whether it’s time to let go of certain energies or keep them (at your own risk). But this month you have been turning a blind eye to some fact in order to continue feeing like you’re in control. The Moon is asking you to accept it. Accept whatever’s been burdening you and realize that your originality comes from this acceptance, no one else can take facts and implement them in their life like you do, it’s time to accept and change this is your gift...

Leo Moon/Rising: drop the sword honey, it’s not your season. This month the Moon is asking for you total surrender, this is a time to listen and ask yourself some questions. Evaluate yourself, what are you doing? and what are you gonna do about it? Where do I need work? And How can I change for the sake of my goals? As a Leo Moon, much like the Taurus Moon you must evaluate for the sake of, “Is this really what’s gonna make me happy?” The world is changing and so does the idea that we need to have the attention of everyone, just remember that your originality stems from the pursuit of creativity, so how do you use this power for the benefit of Other’s?

Virgo Moon/Rising: it’s a learning period for you Virgo Moon, with the Moon in the 6th house’s 6th House, this period is a whole new period of cleanliness. There’s like so much to clean, “why is this world such a mess right now?” Because everyone else fucked it up, sorry Virgo... this month the Moon is asking you to really buckle down on your stances. There may be consequences where your beliefs or sanity are tested but you got it, this month is just a refresher on the idea that you have the ability to make it through the storm. (The trine with Uranus might help), maybe because it’ll be something that at this point you’re kinda used to. Good job Virgo

Libra Moon/Rising: Libra you always got a lot of vague answers, but this month the Moon is urging you to make the decisions, deal with your karma and make sure you deal with it right. This New Moon is pushing us out of our comfort zone, not because we want to but because we need to. If you have been the type of Libra to be complacent and just play devils advocate while you let others figure it out, this is not a good time for you. The stars are putting you in situations where you have the answers but the question is will you be spontaneous enough to pick a choice. You’d be more aesthetically pleasing if you just choose a god damn option.

Scorpio Moon/Rising: I know the Uranus opposition might make you feel like reality is going crazy but that’s no reason to become complacent with life. Sometimes we gotta get out there and get organized. Even if our own sense of stability seems like it’s wiggling a bit. This month the New Moon is asking us to take things one at a time, while the world is going from one thing to another (and we are bad at going from one thing to another without letting go) The universe will put situations forth where it would be best to slow our world down so we can analyze our “mess” and we can understand better our issues.

Sagittarius Moon/Rising: Get ready for a huge change of pace, with Mars sextiling in Sagittarius we have a lot of fire on your side ready to change whatever direction you were going. This New Moon the universe will place situations that test out your sense of adventure, is what you’re hoping for still on your mind. Sometimes things in our lives change and we have no say and no power to change it back, and we are put on a standstill asking ourselves, “Welp, that road’s fucked up, gotta turn back and regroup” and if you feel like the work you put in now makes you feel like it was a waste, remember that every change we are met with is a door to an even better reward if we trust in the ever changing world. Just know something good always comes after any personal shake up.

Capricorn Moon/Rising: It’s time to let it go! (Thanks Elsa) if the recent Capricorn conjunction wasn’t clear enough, your way of living is kinda outdated (not in an insult kind of way, many talk about the resurrection of the Devine Feminine, so it felt fitting) this New Moon is asking you specifically to step outside of your box for a second and really feel the energy that comes from allowing new energy to flow in. Whatever box you came out of is too cramped for you. The very least you can do is find another box. Your originality has always come from the idea that no one can take control of this place except for you, but what happens when you let others take the lead? or watch yourself step out of the common instructions and experiment? Nows the time to get that new box to play Commander in.

Aquarius Moon/Rising: Happy Lunar Return! Being your season, it’s fitting that the New Moon would ask you to really feel out your emotions, it’s not always easy to feel those tears aching as only one drop comes out and your tear ducts are stinging from lack of use. Really take this time and understand that you feel the energies around you the most from an analytical perspective. You may feel like it’s a silly thing to cry things out or get angry at things but the point is to accept that you have these feelings, no one understands these emotions at a high analytical rate than you do. The universe will place situations where you are being asked to love respect and accept your feelings and emotional world.

Pisces Moon/Rising: this month the Moon is asking you to remember yourself, you may have been escaping your problems as usual but that has happened and gone and in order to take in this energy we are being asked to come back, I’m sure the Capricorn energy has Neptune in Pisces feeling rather serious, and in doing so has made Pisces energy sorta Jello like, and Fish can’t really swim in Jello as far as I know, so this month, thaw (i think) yourself out and come back to new waters, the old waters were tainted with bone meal... maybe you strayed too far from familiar waters? Maybe you got trapped in someone’s fish bowl? Maybe someone has you hostage in a plastic bag and it feels like they keep shaking you, whatever the cause of unhappiness, remember you have the power to walk away and find something that is more filling for you, your originality comes from this idea that the world and its emotions are a mess but you don’t have to be stuck with them.

Remember to look at your past to give you hints about your future. Aquarius is supposed to be the garden at the end of the path, and whatever you find here has been built from your own understanding of the world, and it can change at any moment.

#astrology #astrology post #new moon #new moon in aquarius #aquarius #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #rising sign #tarot #interpretation #new moon spread #astrologer #tarot reader #tarot cards #month

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elhoimleafar · 4 years

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Celebrating All Hallows Eve in these strange new times.

Welcome back here dear reader, I am Elhoim, and this is my post, remember to share and leave your comments.

We are all living in these new times, times that are increasingly strange to us, times of ostracism and election season, months without hugs (can you believe it?), And times of political and social conflict, we are living together a season that in a way We were amazed, even though we saw for years that those glasses on the counter were overflowing with spilled water, we watched them fill up day after day, and finally, they spilled, all at once. But the important thing is that we are in this together and that we must remember.

We have reached the month of October, and it is the “popular witch's month”, it is Autumn in the North, Spring in the South, and a typical-warm summer in the tropics of Ecuador (Venezuela, my native country).

This was planned as my fifth month of Halloween since arriving in New York City in 2015, and although I did not have many plans, I was willing to take a couple of short trips and attend some parties of my friends, all of it was canceled, and now I'm planning the month from home.

I do not celebrate Halloween, I do not dress up or decorate the house with pumpkins and plastic dolls, because it is not one of my family traditions, and (here wasting the cold frankness that characterizes me) in these times where keyboard activists seem to have more power than the real activists, it is almost a social risk that a person from Latin America even dares to mention "Halloween decorations", without some white blogger accusing you of cultural appropriation (many Pagan Blogs are full of those).

But if like me, you feel at home, with a great desire to take advantage of the available energy of this month for your own benefit, these are some of the things that I will do, and I invite you to do, maybe it will be something fun, less elaborate, but definitely better than spending the entire day watching horror movies (two continuous hours of voluntary anxiety) and reading hundreds of repeated posts about the season's most recommended "witch" movies.

Remember that it is an annual celebration, it is a season with a duration of several days, it is a celebration of nature and its cycles. Take an afternoon to meditate on it, write what you think about it, and question what you know (and what you think you know) about All Hallows Eve, its origins, traditions, and customs, and how you are honoring some of these.

Cleaning, rearranging, and moving furniture is much more important than decorating to impress. There is nothing wrong with the decorations, but focus on moving the energy first, and for that, we move the furniture, let the old energy of last season move out so that the energy of the new season can come in.

Invite the ancestor spirits to come home, to connect with you, to sit around the table, to spend the night, to chat with you. The dead celebrate together with the living.

Turn off the television. Choose one to two days before the night of All Hallows Eve (October 31) and spend these days without using the TV. Plan other activities that put you in contact with nature, with forests, visit rivers and parks, visit the tombs of your ancestors, spend a day in the garden, read some books. And don't worry, Netflix will still be there when you get back.

Light candles and incense, burn herbs and dried flowers at home, remember that the aromatic smoke of herbs is perceptible beyond the senses, its energy influences various planes of existence at the same time, that is why we light incense in churches and temples to venerate those who have departed. I invite you to prepare your own incenses at home, or you can if you wish, copy any of the recipes that are in this blog.

Make coffee and serve it by the front door for several mornings in a row to honor the deceased and those souls who are about to be forgotten.

Connect with your ancestors and the witches in your family, honor their lives and their processes, read about them, write about them, I keep a small diary (really small, it does not have more than 30 pages), where I write the memories, rituals, and real stories of witches and ghosts related to my mother, grandmother, mom's uncles, my sisters, and other family members, so we keep their memory alive and honor their magic.

Decorate with flowers and bunches of herbs, grow and collect some flowers at home, nurture the nearby gardens, move the soil with your bare hands, leave portions of bread and seeds around to feed the animals. Connect with nature in different ways than usual.

Take a blanket and go out at night to look at the stars, prepare lunch for the park with wine, juice, fruits, and homemade bread (it can be from a local organic bakery).

Organize virtual meetings (zoom, Facebook, telegram) with your Coven or with your friends, to catch up, drink coffee "together", chat about their ancestors and about the energy of the season, about these full moons of October, about the season of All Hallows Eve, etc...

Clean and decorate your altar, that portal that connects you with your ancestors and your gods. Take a few hours to clean, rearrange, and decorate this space from scratch, add some flowers and aromatic herbs, you can use the dried herbs to make a homemade potpourri.

Learn something new. If we are in season to venerate our ancestors, and especially the witches and sorcerers who preceded us, it is time to honor them as they were. It is a good month to get started in the art of making your own candles (click here) and incense, maybe you can discover how to prepare some essential oils (click here), magic perfumes, and magic bags of good luck (click here).

This month has a powerful and accessible energy available, invest in some candles and amulets, dare to perform new spells, enchant your objects, practice a session of spiritualism, try a new ritual, or create a talisman to protect the house or the room where you sleep.

Invest some of your time in your spellbook, take notes of some herbs, crystals, and oils with which you have worked recently, write down what were the results, how they made you feel, what were the feelings and motivations behind these spells.

I will be offering this same month, a couple of workshops on summoning and mediumship (click here and click here) because the lunar energy this month feels incredible for this kind of magical work, I especially feel that there will be a magnificent moment between the last week of October and the last weeks of December, to carry out invocations and mediumship. Try to conjure something different and unusual, or to summon some familiar spirit.

Prepare some meals with magical intent, for this, I recommend the new book "A Kitchen Witch’s Guide of Recipes for Love & Romance" by Aurora Dawn (available here).

HUG TREES !!! There, in them, and in those sensations that they give you when you hug them, there lies our true power, in that sacred connection with nature that only we can understand.

Make a list of intentions for the next year, make a list of intentions for the blue moon (October 31), prepare some candles for that night.

Give thanks, perform a ritual of gratitude, as simple as writing down all the reasons for which you are grateful, light a candle with the scent of myrrh, and burn the list in the fire to send this message of gratitude to the universe.

Look for my new book Manifestation Magic on Amazon and Goodreads and preord…. No no no, it's a joke, (but you can do it anyway, lol), what you should do is add one or two new titles, so let me recommend you to search and read:

Llewellyn's Little Book of Halloween, by Mickie Mueller. (available here)

The Book of Candle Magic, by Madame Pamita. (available here)

The Complete Book of Moon Spells, by Michael Herkes. (available here).

Modern Witch: Spells, Recipes & Workings, by Devin Hunter. (available here)

Hoodoo Cleansing and Protection Magic, by Miss Aida. (available here)

Water Magic (Elements of Witchcraft), by Lilith Dorsey. (available here)

Initiation into Witchcraft, by Brian Cain. (hardcover available here)

Llewellyn's Little Book of Yule, by Jason Mankey. (available here)

And remember, your teacher is your daily practice, your magic and its results depend a lot on your daily routine. So whatever you do, make it conscious and put your heart into it.

with true love and honesty, Elo.

Check my new upcoming Book (available on pre-order):

Available in Amazon: CLICK HERE TO PREORDER

Available in Goodreads: CLICK HERE TO SAVE

Check my next classes and Save your spot.

The Court of the Witches, and other Allies on our Magic.

A Mystical Night of Invocation and Mediumship.

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arcenciel-par-une-larme · 4 years

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Before anything else, I would like to ask my brothers and sisters in Christ, IN ALL HONESTY, whether I erred in any way in the reply which I offered to this original post (there was also an intermediate reply which I did not include into the screenshots; either way it was OP who replied to me). (@ignorant-against-christians @anscathmarcach @doctorbluesmanreturns @bagheadautist @a-quiche-in-med @anotherpointlessargument @strawberry-milktea and anybody else who might need to chime in, please feel free to PM me if you prefer that to reblogging all this mess.)

And while I'm awaiting that, let's dive right into the last reply and give OP a much-needed reality check. (Translation: let's try to set some things straight for anybody who is willing to listen, since OP has already declared themselves sinless, infallible and above reproach.)

Where are my children growing up that you think they’re not going to be interacting with Christians and being exposed to Christian theology on a daily basis? Hell, my children will have multiple Christian family members, as well as several queer Christian honorary aunts and uncles. Also, you know, a Catholic-educated mom.

It isn't all that much of a good sign when literally the first paragraph in your reply is a mile-long appeal to false authority.

First of all, it is completely inane to consider my response as personally addressed to you. I didn't even reblog it from you or tag you.

Secondly, please accept this PSA: Having Christian friends does not make you an authority on Scripture. Nor does having a Catholic-educated (not even practicing Catholic) mum. In fact, if the state of millennial liberal "Christianity" online is any indication, it is very much a possibility that your "Christian friends" might very well be teaching you that "Yeah, basically atheists are right in all that they say about Christianity, but I'm a good Christian and I love Christ and I don't believe any of that outdated stuff that's in the New Testament!" in which case, yeah, the fact of the matter is that you WON'T be getting an accurate image of orthodox Christian theology from your friends, or from your mother who might very well have prayed her latest Rosary when she graduated high school.

You have completely misunderstood the point of this post if you think the above beliefs (which are overwhelmingly held and spread by Christians and ex-Christian atheists, not Jews) have the same negative effects on Christians that harmful beliefs about Jews have on us.

Right. So, in other words, you didn't want to draw attention to and decry anti-[whatever religion] slander and, in the course of that, also spread awareness of common anti-Judaism lies. You just wanted to compete in Oppression Olympics, and to virtue-signal your victimhood. Yeah, how dare I assume that you wanted the former just like any virtuous human being! HOW DARE I assume that you're not an intellectually dishonest SJW! THE HORROR!!!

Also, nice job pretending that you're "fair" and "not bigoted" when you try to blame CHRISTIANS for the ANTI-CHRISTIAN bigoted lies which are commonly propagated.

And again, the only reason that you think I blamed these beliefs on Jews is, as it seems, because you want me to mean that. Because you want to score oppression points. In reality, I made it perfectly clear that it is of no importance whether the person peddling anti-Christian slander is Jewish, atheist or whatever else; but that is something which either you missed entirely or you deliberately refuse to acknowledge.

Christians might not be uniquely bigoted, but you damn well are uniquely powerful in western countries, and with that comes unique responsibility, to paraphrase Uncle Ben.

Why didn't you just go the full "Check your Christian privilege, we live in a Christian hegemony, one can't be bigoted against Christians, a minority cannot oppress a majority, PREJUDICE PLUS POWER!" route from the get-go so we can know where we are standing, then?

This is a perfect example of why I shall always insist that

At the Oppression Olympics, nobody wins.

Because you looked at my response and you immediately saw not a complementing opinion (which it is), but a competing one. You saw an opponent, and in your mind you cannot be anything short of 100% right a priori, because of course it's a competition. Of course oppression and injustice are a zero-sum game.

Only in real life, THEY ARE NOT.

Any rational Christian, and any rational Jew, is horrified both by anti-Christian and by anti-Jewish bigotry. You, on the other hand, insist upon trying to find the "bigger victim" at all costs. And from your reply, it seems fairly certain that you had no rational reason to do that. You just wanted to downplay the injustices and slander which is aimed against Christians. It almost reads as if you vehemently refuse to even remotely sympathise.

By the way, I think that Devin Kelley, Chris Mercer, and Floyd Corkins (among others) might be some names which ought to debunk your opinion that anti-Christian bigotry has no tangible real-life effects.

Oh, but I forgot. "Prejudice plus power"...

I have every intention of teaching my children about different religions, but this reply was obviously in bad faith and just about jacking off your persecution complex as part of the poor, downtrodden 80% majority.

THERE WE HAVE IT!!! THERE IT IS!!! I F***ING CALLED IT. HEAVEN FORFEND IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN ONCE. "A majority cannot be oppressed!!!! PERSECUTION COMPLEX!!!"

At this point, your rhetoric is barely distinguishable from an "AtheiSJW bingo" of sorts, or from the inane hate asks that we get at anti-christophobia...

I don't know why I expected any better. Maybe because I DARED to assume the best about you. Yeah, what a heinous thing to do...

And OF COURSE it must be true that I came into this in bad faith. Of course. Why? Because you say so. Because it's a JACKPOT for you. You've found before yourself the perfect chance to set the scene with me as "Le Mr. Evil Bigoted Christian" and score brownie points, and BY GOLLY you aren't going to let such an opportunity go to waste!! I mean, WHO EVEN CARES about such trivial technicalities such as TRUTH...

..........and in the wake of all this, you have the gall to accuse ME of playing Oppression Olympics???

Can your projection and intellectual dishonesty get any worse?

And the PERFECT FINALE of inimitable intellectual and moral superiority:

Do not interact with this post further.

Classic pigeon chess strategy. No comment needed.

Again, for what I have done amiss in this whole story, I apologise sincerely. My mistakes, however, do not bar me from calling out the errors of others and defending myself against unsubstantiated charges or pointing out their bigoted behaviour.

As for the potential few idiots who shall hasten to accuse of antisemitism (for whatever contrived BS reason their sick brains might conjure), do not even bother. Antisemitism is one of the many kinds of bigotry which I have decried in the past and shall continue to decry, and thus I do not automatically become guilty of the same bigotry just because I do not self-flagellate for being Christian and I refuse to bow down to your short-sighted, sociopathic cultural Marxist dogma of competitive victimhood.

God bless you all.

UPDATE: A few mere hours later and OF COURSE another Bingo square was checked off: I have been blocked. Should I pretend to be surprised?

#teamblocked #oppression Olympics #pigeon chess strategy #christophobia #anti sjw #personal post archive #muh persecution complex #muh bad faith

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maddiviner · 5 years

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[Book Review] The Witch’s Book of Mysteries

There’s no shortage of witchcraft (and Wicca) 101 books that explain the basics of the Craft. I've been practicing since around the turn of the millennium.

That said, I often wish there were more books that dive deep and explore more advanced material. The Witch’s Book of Mysteries, by Devin Hunter, is one such book. I was lucky enough to receive an advance review copy via Netgalley - the book will officially release on May 8th, 2019

This work is the third in a series focused on more advanced Craft topics. Before this one, there was The Witch’s Book of Power and The Witch’s Book of Spirits. This particular book is the most intense of the three, though all are worth picking up.

Devin Hunter has always been somewhat of a favorite author of mine. As a psychic medium and witch, Mr. Hunter teaches witchcraft and related topics. He is also the founder of the Sacred Fires tradition of witchcraft.

I myself only knew a little bit about Sacred Fires when I started reading Mr. Hunter’s books. Now, I find the tradition fascinating and colorful, and will likely be learning more when I’m able. Sacred Fires seems to be a skillful merging of several currents in modern witchery.

It draws from earlier traditions such as Feri and Dianic witchcraft, and emphasizes trancework and spirit contact. Suffice to say, it has piqued my interest! Much of the exercises and rituals draw from Mr. Hunter’s work as founder of Sacred Fires.

If you’re not interested in that particular tradition, there’s still a wealth of material in this book. It would be useful for almost any advanced witch. I do recommend caution, though. If you haven’t already mastered the basics of the Craft, much of this book will likely confound you.

Even when describing familiar tools (athame, etc), this book does so with uncommon depth. The book provides a powerful consecration ritual for each of the common witches’ tools. It is best suited for intermediate to advanced students of the Craft.

Mr. Hunter doesn’t waste time covering material found elsewhere. He writes with the assumption that his readers will already be proficient in many areas. This excited me! He devotes the bulk of this work to advanced techniques.

These include astral travel, dreamwork, and other trance-related activities. These have always been a favorite topic of mine. I've only finished reading the book a week ago, but it already has a place in my often-recommended books list.

Of course, trancework goes hand-in-hand with energy work. I thought that Mr. Hunter’s approach to energy work illuminates the subject in a unique way. Mr. Hunter gives instructions for careful fine-tuning your energy work.

The energy work exercises guide the practitioner through experimentation with their own energy. One noted example involves creating a small ball of energy and examining how it flows when set free within your own aura.

As with many things, self-knowledge is the goal. This is great if you’re looking to develop a greater awareness of your own energetic system! I was happy to see the acknowledgment that some witches will have unusually-flowing systems.

In witchery, we often stumble across techniques that rarely show up in books. The Witch's Book of Mysteries describes formalized methods for reaching those hard-to-define states. Mr. Hunter explains them as plainly as possible.

Granted, much of the experiences he hints at are too sublime for words, He does his best, nonetheless. Seeing these things codified in this manner makes them easier to understand/perform. In short, it takes the guesswork out of things, insofar as it can.

I haven’t, of course, managed to perform all, or even most, of the rituals and exercises in this book. Some need an entire year to perform. In particular, the consecration of the simulacrums (symbols of godforms) come across as an intense, year-long labor of love.

The simpler exercises were helpful in understanding the concepts Mr. Hunter describes. They seem like excellent precursors to the more complex parts. Some of the power-raising techniques seem quite simplistic at first, but hold a wealth of complication and usefulness.

I had not, prior to reading this, investigated the concept of “Treading the Mill.” I was surprised to realize I’d been doing it often for some time, unaware that there was a term for it.

Coined by Robert Cochrane, Treading the Mill involves raising power through constant movement around a circle. This helps to induce and sustain a trance state, which is a step towards jumping the hedge. The latter phrase, in case you’re unfamiliar with it, refers to soul flight or astral projection.

I usually dislike it when authors coin new terms in their work. Not so here, where Mr. Hunter coins a term or two. He provides vocabulary for topics that would otherwise be difficult to discuss. In particular, the term “Witches’ Dream” encompasses phenomena that are hard to quantify. The phrase is a welcome addition to the existing language of occult works.

As to what the “Witches’ Dream” is? Well, you’ll have to read the book to learn about that. And? I highly recommend it.

I’m giving this book five out of five stars. It’s quite a rare gem for intermediate to advanced students of the Craft!

If you’d like to preorder this book, it can be done here via Amazon, or directly from the publisher. Be sure to also check out the author’s site, and you might also want to have a look at the occult shop where he teaches!

#witchcraft #magick #witch #witchblr #occult #book review #book recommendations #eliza reads #eliza.txt #devin hunter #mysteries #netgalley

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noblercse · 4 years

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laurie gracehart — a playlist.

( tw for death, war, blood )

golden antlers — glass animals

through smears and words snide, spinning round and round, his precious mind, like dizzy neon lights

blood // water — grandson

we’ll never get free, lamb to the slaughter, what you gon’ do, when there’s blood in the water, the price of your greed, is your son and your daughter, what you gon’ do, when there’s blood in the water. look me in the eyes, tell me everything’s not fine, or the people ain’t happy, and the river has run dry, you thought you could go free, but the system is done for

jericho — celldweller

arrogance justified, self-importance amplified, it’s down you go when your walls fall like jericho

things we lost in the fire — bastille

things we lost to the flame, things we’ll never see again, all that we’ve amassed sits before us, shattered into ash

do you understand that we will never be the same again, the future’s in our hands and we will never be the same again

breathe — inverness

i got a hole in my chest, the water’s up to my neck, yeah, it seems the older i get the more that i stress, i don’t know if i’m doing my best

soldier, poet, king — the oh hellos

there will come a soldier, who carries a mighty sword

there will come a poet, whose weapon is his word

blame — air traffic controller

there goes my luck, there goes my pride, there goes everything that i’ve been working for all my life

maybe everything i learned before today was just a waste, what if everywhere i felt that i belonged was not a place, and it worked

into the fire — thirteen senses

come on, come on, put your hands into the fire, explain, explain, as i turn, i meet the power, this time, this time, turning white and senses dying, pull up, pull up, from one extreme to another

silent scream — damien dawn

tell me why you’re putting pressure on me, and everyday you cause me harm, that’s the reason why i feel so lonely, even though you hold me in your arms, wanna put me in a box of glitter, but i’m just trying to get right out, and now you’re feeling so, so bitter, because i let you down

this is a war — the phantoms

we will stand, we will fight, we can’t stop ‘til we die, hope will be torn, whose side are you fighting for

lost — jeremy ravine

my father’s words rang out, “go home now, make me proud”, take all that i have, all the good, all bad

sins of my father are now sins of mine, the burden i bear is seeking peace of mind

through the fire — josh devine

so tell me what are you running from, don’t wait ‘til the wall is gone, ‘cause when i look in your eyes i see a fighter through the fire

#castletown.task004 #death tw #war tw #blood tw #isms ;#music ;#i have some feelings about laurie ok

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howtohero · 4 years

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Fake Powers

In a world with so many different superhumans, magical creatures, and Power Jones, the man with one million powers and whom I’m pretty sure creates and erases superpowers at will, it can be rather difficult to keep track of what is an actual real power and what is not. Thankfully the good folks at OmniPower Genesis, the OPG have diligently researched and catalogued every known superpower. Not only have they done that, but they’ve also compiled a list of powers that people have claimed to have that they’re pretty sure are fake! This list is almost more valuable than the list of real powers, because they are almost all extremely dangerous, extremely powerful, and extremely terrifying. We’ve mirrored their list here for you to read, memorize, and internalize so you can rest easy knowing that if a villain ever claims to have one of these powers, they’re probably lying.

World Sustaining: The ability to keep the world going, even without actively participating in its saving. Users of this power act as a sort of support beam or perhaps good luck charm for the entire world. As long as they exist, the world will always come back from the brink of extinction. Also, this power might not actually exist. We don’t know what to tell you. Combat potential: You’d think that saving the world is an inherently peaceful power with limited combat usage. But this power actually ensures that all future combats can come to pass without the threat of armageddon.

Perpetual One-Upmanship: This power allegedly allows users to always be slightly more powerful than whomever they’re fighting. If somebody you’re fighting claims to have this power, they’re probably lying and just trying out some new smack talk. Don’t read too much into it. Just believe in yourself and you’ll be able to win the day! Combat potential: Well, people with this power are always a little bit better than whomever they’re fighting. That is obviously useful for fights.

Card Tricks so Good They Confound Even the Greatest Wizards: Readers might recognize this “power” as the tagline for stage magician, Tricky Martin’s (no relation to Ricky Martin) Las Vegas tour. Martin claimed to be so skilled at the ancient mystic art of card tricks that he could confuse and amaze even the world’s most powerful wizards. But of course, you all know that. What you probably didn’t know was that we had to actually go and investigate that claim. We rounded up as many powerful wizards as we could and brought them to one of Tricky Martin’s shows. Some of them, we’ll admit, were evil and were responsible for the Vegas Magacre of ‘13 and that’s on us. That’s our bad. Buuuuut you’ll be glad to know that only two of the wizards we brought were confused by Martin’s frankly incredible card tricks, but those two definitely weren’t like the greatest magicians. So, in the end, we were forced to classify this power as fake. Anybody who claims to have this power is merely skilled at the art of sleight of hand. Combat potential: If you can confuse a wizard you don’t need to fight them.

Updating Omnilingualism: Omnilingualism is the power to be able to speak and understand any verbal or nonverbal form of communication with no prior training. This is definitely a real power and we have recorded many instances of it. However, nobody has ever been shown to possess this unique form of omnilingualism, in which entirely new forms of communication can be assimilated seamlessly. Omnilinguals can only master forms of communication that exist when they get their powers, any new codes, languages or modes of communicating that are invented after they already have their powers must be learned the old fashioned way. We tested this by inventing our own language here at the office and then calling up random omnilinguals and attempting to communicate with them. None of them had any idea of what we were saying and many of them seemed very distressed by that fact. It was fun for us but very disconcerting for them. Combat potential: Updating omnilingualism is the perfect codebreaking ability, your enemies will never be able to sneak a message past you again.

Fictional Empathy Link: This power is often claimed to be possessed by superhumans in the movie industry and is claimed to be used to create the “Ultimate 4D movie experience!!!” The power allegedly allows users to create “empathy links” with fictional characters, making it so that victims feel the same things that the fictional character they’re watching is feeling. This power does not exist as we have understood empathy links to require two real beings with real emotions to work. Combat potential: Users of this power could conceivably create a fictional character, link them to a real person, and then cause terrible things to happen to them. Sort of like a written word voodoo doll.

The Perfect Sunday Afternoon: The power to be fully at peace on Sunday afternoon. No guilt about wasting the weekend. No stress about the coming week. None of those TV headaches you get from watching too much TV. With this power, every Sunday afternoon is the perfect Sunday afternoon. No stress, no worries, no bad weather, no unexpected visits from relatives. Nothing but those sweet sweet Sunday chills. Combat potential: If anybody tries to fight you on a Sunday afternoon they will definitely fail.

Immortal Slaying: According to our official working definition, a being that claims to be immortal cannot die, full stop. If they die then they were not immortal. Therefore the power to kill immortals does not exist. Because if you could kill an immortal, then they weren’t really immortal were they? Combat potential: You could kill mortal people, but anybody could do that.

Dimensional Death Capitalizing: The ability to gain more powerful with the destruction of a universe. When a universe ends or is destroyed there is usually a powerful burst of energy that is released into the multiverse. Throughout history, numerous people have thought they could capitalize on this energy wave and make themselves more powerful. Every one of these people has died and not one of them has become a god or a “living universe”. This is not a real thing, please stop destroying universes in the hope that it is. Combat potential: If it ever worked, which, again, it won’t, the user would gain a tremendous power boost which would allow them to defeat almost any foe.

Time Folding: Time folding is the act of taking a timeline, and removing a chunk of it while leaving the pieces of time before, and after it, completely unaltered. Time folders cannot travel through time, they can simply delete it, though conceivably time folding can be used to delete the present in order to quickly arrive in the future. There has never been a recorded instance of successful time folding, unless, I guess, there has been an instance when somebody successfully discovered and proved its existence... only for that instance to then be deleted from time... huh. Combat potential: Time folding can be used to delete lost battles from time. Of course, due to the nature of time folding, any ill effects you suffer from said battle will still be extant. But you can at least be smug about the fact that the fight you lost technically never happened and so you remain undefeated!

Time Travel Through Planetary Rotation: The power to turn back time by flying around the planet really fast and forcing it to spin in the opposite direction. We’re going to be honest with you. Somebody did this once. One time this happened, and everybody lost their goddamn minds. Nobody could handle it. It just didn’t make any sense to anybody. Scientists came from alternate dimensions to try to figure out what the heck had happened. We even dropped a line to some omnipotent deities to see if they could explain what happened and we got nothing. In the end, we all kind of just agreed that it was impossible. So if you feel like you have the ability to do this, please just don’t. The world is not ready for you. Combat potential: If you do this you’ll literally drive some of the multiverse’s greatest minds to tears as they try to explain it.

(Honestly most of these are time or paradox based so we’re just gonna skip ahead a bit....)

(Ooh, this is where they start to get alliterative. That’s fun!)

Existence Ending: The power to end all of existence with a single thought. Dozens of powerful demagogues, demi-gods, and Devin Gouges have claimed to possess this ability. However, there has never been a single recorded instance of this power being used in all of history. We can only conclude that it does not exist. Combat potential: There is no need to fear a combatant using this power in a fight as it cannot be localized or undone. If a combatant were to use this ability they would wipe themselves, their opponent, and the concept of combat from existence.

Perfect Persuasion: The power to convince a large amount of people that something was their idea. Not to be confused with mind control, charmspeak, the power of persuasion or any other mind-altering powers. Perfect persuasion is the ability to permanently alter a person’s ideas and perceptions without them ever realizing their brain has been tampered with. Perfect persuasion has a permanent effect and cannot be undone. We do not think this power is real and we all agree that we have always felt this way. Combat potential: Combatants with perfect persuasion could conceivably convince entire armies to abandon their causes. Highly dangerous, thankfully it is not real.

Micro-Multiverse Manufacturing: The power to create a microscopic multiverse. While microverse manufacturing on a singular level has been recorded, thanks to Mini-Mammoth’s discovery of the origins of Atomspace, the existence of microscopic multiverse within our own dimension has never been proven. Combat potential: The ability to create entire universes of microscopic life wherever and whenever you wish can be used offensively to convince people who revere the sanctity of life not to step in certain places or touch certain objects, for fear of crushing these tiny lifeforms.

Well, that’s all we have time for today. Remember, if you ever meet anybody who claims they can do these things, they’re almost definitely dirty stinkin liars who are just out to intimidate you. (If you think that you have one of these powers then you’re also a dirty stinkin liar and we hate you. But also do give the OPG a call as you may be a miracle person.)

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teensydolan · 6 years

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panic [g.d]

warnings: none

summary: y/n realizes she has slowly but surely fallen in love with her best friend. slightly inspired off of the song panic by l devine.

words: 1,179

a/n: i hope this isn’t way too cringey, i’ve never written an imagine before it’s always been like a ship so this was new for me! if you have any ideas or recomendations for me, pm me or send them in my asks!

everything was going as you planned, the last thing you could have ever asked for was this. you weren’t supposed to fall in love with your best friend, but the sound of your heart when you entered a room with him told you otherwise.

grayson dolan was the most special person, and he knew that. it was no secret the two of you cared for each other more than anything.

ethan and grayson became somewhat family to you, but as you grew older, things started to change. all three of you became to shift into new people who acted older and looked older. it was new for all of you.

ethan was like a brother to you, your bond was unbreakable and you two were inseparable just like he was with his real brother.

grayson, on the other hand, was the best friend you never knew that you needed but once you had it, everything fell into place. you never believed in soulmates or true love, but as you sat on their couch, staring at the boy you had slowly fallen in love with - you changed your mind.

you could feel your body tremble in your seat as you thought about having to confess your feelings, or him accidentally finding out.

“y/n, everything alright?” the dark haired twin asked, shifting you out of being in your head. you nodded towards him, following it with what was supposed to be a convincing smile.

“you seem kinda out of it. it’s spooking me out!” ethan laughed, making you force a fake laugh in response.

“sorry ‘bout that, my head isn’t really here right now,” you could see both of their faces shift from a smile to a worried frown. “everything’s fine! i’m just gonna start to get ready to sleep, i think...” you continued, hoping they would move on from the awkward conversation.

you stood up from your comfy spot on the couch, and head towards the closest bathroom that held all of your nighttime supplies inside. taking out your toothbrush, you examined your face in mirror while you brushed your teeth.

sighing heavily, you looked even closer in the mirror, pointing out every little thing about your face that you disliked. as if being in love with your best friend was rough, knowing there was no way you would ever be good enough for him felt even worse.

about two months ago, you and grayson were laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling while trying to come up with video ideas. it was a moment like no other, and it was the best, worst moment of your life. you turned your head while listening to his idea, when the world seemed to go in slow motion. everything you never noticed before became clearer than ever.

the way he would always throw his head back when he would laugh. the dimple that came out when he smiled. his voice change when he was getting deep into the words he was saying.

you realized he was truly the most beautiful person you had ever met, and you desperately wanted to kiss him.

from that moment on, you knew, you had fallen in love with grayson dolan, hard.

here you were still staring at yourself in the mirror, trying to do everything in your power to move on. giving up, you left the bathroom and head into the guest bedroom you were staying in for the night. you could hear the twins walking around the house into their bedrooms. every part of you wanted to scream at the top of your lungs and just say everything that came to your mind.

you didn’t know if it was just a sudden rush of the moment, or being exhausted of all the energy you were wasting on your thoughts. something inside of you motivated you enough to step out of bed and knock on grayson’s bedroom door. you knew he wasn’t asleep quite yet, and if he was, that wouldn’t be so bad of an outcome.

“you can come in.” he said, his voice soft, as if he had just been woken up.

“i’m sorry if i woke you up, i thought you were still awake.”

“it’s all good, i wasn’t asleep, just thinking.”

“me too, good thoughts i hope?” you said making it come off as more of a question rather than a statement.

“yes and no.” grayson flashed a floppy smile, causing an immediate smile from you in response. it was almost impossible to not smile back at him. “how about you? good thoughts?”

“yes and no.” you let out a soft laugh.

he sat up from his bed, revealing his shirtless muscular figure, making the situation even worse for you. “is everything okay, y/n? you really did seem very off today, not like you at all.”

you sighed in response, walking over to the edge of his bed and taking a seat right at the edge. “there’s just a lot on my mind recently, i’ve been,” you hesitated not knowing what exactly to say. “trying to figure things out.”

“anything i can help with?”

“i don’t think you can help this one, this ones’ all me.”

grayson frowned, he always hated not being able to fix things. you could tell he was getting flustered and anxious because he didn’t understand what was wrong. you felt guilty for getting him upset.

the two of you sat in a comfortable silence, the both of you continuing to think about whatever was on your minds. you stared at your feet, while trying to think of something to say. you weren’t entirely sure why you came into his room in the first place.

you could feel grayson’s eyes falling onto you, making you even more nervous than you already were. you turned you body to face him, both of your eyes meeting.

“i think you’re really beautiful,” he said, his voice shaky and almost unsure of what he was saying. “is that weird to say?”

you shook your head, not knowing how to respond. it felt like you forgot every word you had ever learned. the only think about was grayson’s body shifting closer towards you.

“i think i’m going to kiss you, is that okay?” before you were able to make and audible response, he began to lean in slowly, while you unconsciously leaned towards him as well.

both of your lips connected, fitting together like they were meant to be like this. they moved slowly, neither of you seemed to know what you were doing or where you wanted this to go. the short lived kiss came to an end, and both of you were staring gently into each others eyes.

his brown eyes melted yours. they told so many stories and made your heart beat quicker than ever.

“i think i’m in love with you.” you choked out, the words spilling out without thought or hesitation.

grayson smiled and rested his warm hands on your cheeks, “i know i’m in love with you.” he responded, following it with another gentle kiss.

#grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan #ethan dolan #grayson and ethan #dolan twins #dolan twins imagine #ethan dolan imagine #imagine

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themadlostgirl · 6 years

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Not Dead Yet (Part 59)

*Meant to post this last night but forgot. Thank you all for over 700 followers! Love you guys!*

Pairing: Reader x Peter Pan

Warnings: language

It was strange waking up and seeing a regular room instead of the inside of my tent. I sat up to stretch and take in my surroundings now that I wasn’t freezing.

Plain paneled walls, creaky wooden bed, a small desk and chair with a lantern resting atop it. The small fireplace was cold with Candace sitting in the ashes still sound asleep. I pushed back the thick blankets and went to the frost edged window. A normal little village spread out and bustling despite the cold. Seemed a decent enough place to start again.

Candace woke up and flew onto my shoulder. She nipped at my ear, her way of asking for food. “Stop that, there’s some berries in my bag.” I took out some of the poisonous blue berries from Neverland and dropped them on the desk for her to eat.

I pulled out some of my provisions intent on getting them eaten before they spoiled. Seeing as how I have limited money now I’ll have to be more sensible and frugal with how I spend it. First things first I was going to need some warmer clothes. My clothes from Neverland were light and meant for sweltering heat. Not very useful here.

I kept my dagger strapped to my belt but left the club back in my room. I had already raised enough suspicion when I walked into the inn last night looking like a teenage assassin in my blood stained clothes. The large club slung over my shoulder as I went shopping may have been too much for these boring townspeople.

I entered the first clothing shop I could find and spent my day finding something more fitting. Some new pants, longer sleeved shirts, hole free socks, a thick scarf, a fur-lined coat and a pair of leather gloves later and I was feeling much warmer. It was a lot of layers and a good amount of money but it was a small price to pay to not freeze to death.

The rest of the day I spent exploring the village. Something about it seemed familiar but I couldn’t quite figure out why. All villages start to look the same after you’ve been to so many I guess. Heading back to the inn I paid the innkeeper through for the next week and a hot meal. Already my money was starting to run low. I was either going to need to brush up on my pickpocketing or find a job.

A job. Responsibility. All this boring and mind numbing grown up stuff was giving me a headache. This is what I chose though. I chose to leave Neverland. I chose to grow up instead of staying on an island where the one person I cared about so much it scared me didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.

I needed to get used to this sooner rather than later.

A week had passed and although I hated the cold I was growing to like the little village. The people were kind, there was more variety in food, I had even found a job making candles. Not to mention that I was able to draw myself a hot bath and wash away all the dirt that the ponds of Neverland couldn’t get rid of. No one said anything about how I dressed but the innkeeper's wife did inform me that dresses were much warmer than pants during the winter. I was skeptical but it turned out she was right. I used my first pay to purchase a casual winter dress and a nightgown. Again, it wasn’t what I was used to but I was in fact a lot warmer. I can see why Wendy preferred them.

Wendy...why hadn’t I thought to go to her realm? Too late now I didn’t have another bean. Such a wasted opportunity. Maybe it was for the best. I don’t know how she would have reacted to me showing up on her doorstep. If I was her I wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with me.

I had just finished off my bath and went back to my room brushing out my wet hair and keeping by the fireplace with a book in my lap. After my hair had dried completely and I had found a good stopping place in my book I huddled underneath the covers of my bed and went to sleep.

My dreams were of Neverland. They always were. Every night since I left I would dream of Neverland with its beautiful blue ocean and humid jungle. I was running through the jungle, jumping over logs and careening around trees. At first it was all in good fun. To run for the sake of running, the wind in my hair, ground rushing beneath my feet and the sun on my face.

Then the sun disappeared. It wasn’t night but all around me the island grew dark and I was running for a whole new reason. Something was chasing me. Every night it got closer and closer. I didn’t know what it was but I did know it was dangerous, it was powerful, and it wouldn’t stop until it had me.

~~~

“Devin!” Felix heard Pan roar in rage. He looked up from the stick he was whittling to see his leader stomping across the camp towards Devin. This couldn’t be good.

“Where is she?” Pan demanded.

“Who?” Devin looked equal parts confused and scared.

“Y/N, where is she?”

And of course Pan’s bad mood came down to Y/N. Why was it that when it boiled down to things Y/N was the reason there was so much chaos on the island? Felix had warned Pan about having a girl on the island but his concerns were brushed away. Her presence wouldn’t cause the island to be plunged into mayhem at all. If Felix could he would have gone back and made sure he had bashed her brain in that morning Pan brought her to Neverland. All of this could have been avoided.

With a sigh Felix stood up and joined the pair. Peter was red in the face, a piece of parchment clutched tightly in his fist.

“I don’t know! I swear! She’s probably off in the jungle somewhere.”

“Pan, what’s going on?” Felix asked.

“Devin, if you care for your life you will tell me where she has gone.”

“I’m telling you I don’t know where she is! She said she was going for a walk a couple hours ago and I haven’t seen her since.”

“Pan!” Felix stepped between him and Devin. “What has happened? Why are you looking for Y/N?”

“This!” he handed him the parchment. It was a letter.

Dear Peter, I do not know what to do anymore. These past few months I have tried to do as you asked. I did as I was told and never once went against your wishes in the hopes that this would earn your forgiveness. I know I made a mess of things with Baelfire. I know I broke your trust. I have spent all this time trying to earn it back but you won’t even look at me. I love Neverland. The Lost Boys are my brothers. This is my home. But I cannot stay anymore knowing that all that we had become since you saved me all those years ago is gone.

If you are angry that I have left without your permission do not take it out on the boys or Tigerlily. They have done nothing wrong and know nothing of this decision. Please do not come looking for me. This is my choice. Despite everything I will always hold you in my memory and think back on the times when we were happy. I wish all the best for you and hope that you find the Truest Believer. You deserve happiness.

--Y/N

Also I am taking Candace with me.

“So, Y/N’s left Neverland.” Felix thought that maybe this would be cause for celebration. He had nothing against Y/N. She was a good warrior and he had come to respect her and kinda like her as a friend. She was only a problem where Pan was involved.

“What?” Devin asked snatching the letter from Felix’s hands and scanning over it. “She’s coming back though, right?”

“Doesn’t sound like it,”

“She’s gone and left us,” Devin threw the letter back at Pan, “This is your fault! You drove her off!”

“Careful, Devin,” Pan grabbed and handful of his shirt hoisting him off the ground, “Remember who you’re talking to. Now you are going to tell me what realm she’s run away to.”

“You read the letter same as I. I had no idea she was leaving. I don’t know where she could be.” Pan stared at him, the anger in his eyes dimming somewhat before dropping him back to the ground.

“Walk with me,” Felix directed him away from the camp. No Lost Boys need lose their heads by tripping into their enraged leader’s line of sight.

Pan was ranting to himself. Felix couldn’t find it in him to listen to all he was saying and waited until he had blown off enough steam to stop his hysterics. He laid a hand on his shoulder to stop his pacing.

“Pan, I know this is frustrating, she left without your permission. No one is allowed to do that. But you are overreacting a tad. It’s Y/N, you know she’ll come back when she’s ready.”

“Not this time.” Pan muttered, “I don’t think she’s planning on coming back. You read the letter. I know her better than anyone. This isn’t a trip to get some space, this...is a goodbye.”

“And the problem here is what?”

“The problem is that she just can’t up and leave like that. This is her home. We’re her family. She can’t possibly have wanted to leave forever.”

“You are aware that you haven’t spoken to her in months, right? Why do you care she’s gone? I would have thought you’d like that she wasn’t around anymore. Especially after what she did with Baelfire.”

“No, I--” Pan slumped to the ground his head in his hands, “It’s complicated.”

“I know,” Felix sat next to him, “I’ve known the both of you a long time. Whatever is going on between you two definitely isn’t easy in anyway. Which is why maybe this isn’t such a bad thing.”

“What?”

“Think about it. Ever since you two stopped your arrangement there has been no discourse on the island. It has been the most peaceful I can remember in years. She was a good Lost Girl but everything else made the island, the camp and you suffer. Maybe this is all for the best.”

“What best is there if she’s not here keeping things interesting?”

“Interesting or dangerous?”

“Neverland was already a dangerous place. Her presence didn’t create that.”

“Pan, I’m telling you this not just as your second in command but as your friend. Give this some time. Look at this realm without Y/N. You’ve been living without her for half a year. What difference will it make now that she’s no longer on the island?”

“More than you know,” Pan disappeared as Felix was blinking.

“Gods give me strength,” Felix grumbled to himself as he made his way back to camp, “I should have just stayed back in the Enchanted Forest and became king but no. I had to follow phantom music out of the castle and jump through a portal with a magical teenager with some pipes. That was the best decision I ever made. Smart move on that one, Felix…”

~~~

“Y/N!” the inn’s stable boy came running up to me, “Where are you off to in a hurry? I thought you were going to stop by to see the horses after you finished working.”

“I was but it was a very long day and the cold is hurting my lungs more than usual. I was looking to get something warm to drink and turn in early.” I told him. My breath had been coming out in a wheeze all day.

“That’s a shame. I hope you’ll feel better. Tomorrow then?” he asked.

“Sure, Phillip, tomorrow.” I nodded.

“Good, oh wait just a moment,” he ran off again and came back a moment later with a steaming mug in his hands. “Hot chocolate. Warm you right up.”

“Thank you,” I took the drink gratefully. “What do I owe you?” I started to reach for my coin purse.

“A kiss?”

“A what?”

“Just one little peck.”

“Fine,” I rolled my eyes. Phillip was a nice boy. On the chubbier side, really excitable, but very sweet.

I was going to give his cheek a quick peck when I felt him press a darting kiss to my lips instead. My gut instinct was to knee him where it hurt most and beat him into the ground but I was too stunned to do anything but blink at him. His face was red with embarrassment and he wouldn’t look me in the eye.

I held back a small laugh and ruffled his hair. “Phillip, you’re nice but trust me, you could not handle the hell that is a relationship with me.”

He nodded and ran off. I climbed the steps back to my room and changed out of the dress I was wearing and into my warm nightgown. Candace was sitting in the little fireplace keeping the room toasty. I drank the last of my hot chocolate and settled into bed.

I dreamed of Neverland again. The same running dream with the dark presence at my back.

This night I ran as fast as I could. Stumbling through the darkness, manic and desperate. My pursuer was right behind me, closer than they had ever been before. I kept running. Then suddenly there was no more ground underneath my feet. I was falling fast. Whatever was chasing me falling along with me. A hand reached and grabbed my ankle pulling me into them so we plunged into the abyss together.

Knock. Knock.

“Huh?” I shot up in bed my heart beating a mile a minute.

Knock. Knock.

I looked out the window and noticed it was still dark outside. Who was knocking on my door so late? Probably some drunkard that forgot which room was theirs. I ignored whoever was knocking on the door and burrowed further under the blankets.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Just ignore them, Y/N, they’ll get bored eventually.” I yawned.

Knock. Knock. Knock!

“Go away you drunk moron!” I shouted before shoving the pillow over my ear.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Gods give me strength…” I muttered as I swung out of bed. I wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep now. “What is your problem you dumb--” I swung the door open and saw Peter waiting on the other side.

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A/N: If you were confused by what Felix said about the whole king thing then I redirect you to what seemed like a throw away line from back in Part 8

#slowburn #peter pan ouat #ouat peter pan #ouat #neverland #peter pan imagine #peter pan x reader

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