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#seriously i need money please buy my art

straawberries · 6 months

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ok, im gonna try this again

hi, im delilah and im an autistic tgirl with ptsd thats going to be kicked onto the streets in a few months!

along with that, my dad and his girlfriend cant be bothered to get me food, and he intentionally buys food that he knows set off my sensory issues because i need to "just deal with it" (while he eats out with his girlfriend every night haha)

i would *really* *SERIOUSLY* appreciate having enough money to eat and move out. right now im being forced to spend nearly all of my donation and commission money on food, and i dont want to have to do that! im not getting money fast enough to save up and be able to afford living somewhere after i move out.

i live in a shitty small town in texas, and since i was outed a few years ago, absolutely nowhere here will hire me. i have 0 way to make money without relying on others kindness, so please, i would seriously appreciate having enough money to survive.

the time limit i have is in about 7 months, june 1st, so please, help me collect enough money to move out before im living on the streets as a trans person in texas

C*SH*PP - $delilahswagga

(still not sure if this needs to be censored, but ive been told that i should)

P*YP*L - @delilahkill

if you dont have access to either of these, but want to figure out a way to help me, please dm me! please!

i also do pixel art commissions, dm me if you're interested in that

bagel out

(feel free to ask me questions but if u make me uncomfy i might just not answer)

#mutual aid #donations #please boost #financial aid

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salbertwolf · 10 months

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Sunflowers & Lavender

Obi Wan is the sunflower, actually, Obi Wan looks towards the sun he tries to be positive and Cody is literally the sun but he's also lavenders because he's there for him, devoted, calm, the rock in the storm because everything is happening but like the sunflower that always looks at the sun for guidance so is he to calm and help, they are for each other in ways that other's can be but aren't at that moment and they just fit like puzzles from two different boxes in this essay i will-

NO BUT SERIOUSLY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, maybe it's my interpretation and I'm projecting but the trust??? the comfort??? the "We're together but we're our own and I want you to be your own and when we're apart that does not limit how much I love you"????? I'm in tears, i'm in love, I love them very much

That's all for codywan beloveds

Shameless promotion under the cut:

if you enjoy my art please consider buying a commission i need money

#sw fanart #star wars #the clone wars #clone wars #tcw #swtcw #codywan #commander cody #obi wan kenobi

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fanyyy444 · 5 months

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What’s Namjoon like as a boyfriend?

What's Namjoon Like As A Boyfriend?💗

8 of Pentacles, Ace of Swords, 9 of Wands, 3 of Wands, 6 of Pentacles, The Death, The Lovers, King of Wands, 4 of Swords.

He would make a lot of effort to spend more time with his girlfriend than just working. He would try to put work aside for a while to spend time with his girlfriend most. He would be very dedicated to the relationship.

They would definitely do creative things together, also Namjoon would probably write songs for/about his person. They would go to artsy places together(I don't know how to say this lol), like art Museums. They would go to the beach together, to restaurants. Also they would have a romantic dinner often. They would go to concerts together, etc.

He cares a lot about his girlfriend, he cares a lot about her and her well-being, her health, etc. If she's feeling comfortable, etc.

He is the type of boyfriend who doesn't just want to exchange kisses and caresses, he also seeks spiritual evolution and growth. He would like to have a soul connection with someone if he could(Soulmates). He wants someone who really understands him.

He would be very generous and kind to his girlfriend, definitely would buy things for her, even if she keeps saying that she's gonna buy it herself, he would do anything to buy it for her himself lol, so cute🩷 He would help her and give her her personal space when she needs it.

(01:01 now)

He's the type who wants to change your life forever, be the best boyfriend you've ever had, an unforgettable memory of yours, he wants to be one of the most important people in your life even if you two break up. A unforgettable person.

He is a very very passionate and romantic boyfriend, who really cares for you and your well-being, who wants only the best for you, who would love you unconditionally.

Lol sugar daddy vibes, he would give you lots of money🤭💸💸

Him and his girlfriend would do romantic things together often, Namjoon would find a way to make even the simplest thing very romantic just to make you happy and feel loved❤️

He would give his girlfriend all the attention of the world, he would have eyes only for her lol.

Extra note: They would cuddle a lot lol, spend time together in bed, sleep together, he would hug you like every time he gets a chance to do it. Also they would listen to music together hugging each other lying in bed*

That's it, hope you enjoyed🫶🏻🩷

Please take it as entertainment only, do not take it too seriously please please, and remember that each reader has their own way of reading and interpreting tarot cards, and that it cannot be 100% accurate.

Thank you so much for your asks💗 I have a lot of asks in my inbox to reply, I'm sorry :c

I will reply to them later..🥰

This reading was so cute by the way🥺💗 Joonnie is such a sweetheart, a littlest little baby🤧❤️ Sweet honey boy❣️

The first time I tried to do this reading, Namjoon didn't wanted to talk, he was a little closed off, but now he seemed better and wanted to talk🫶🏻 We love you Joon💜

I love you all❤️

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endcant · 2 years

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a couple of special requests

The first is that I need glasses. I lost my glasses before I moved, 2 years ago. My eyesight has only gotten worse since then, making driving when it’s not bright out very dangerous, to the point where it seriously hinders our lives as a household. For example, I frequently need to use my roommate’s car to drive myself or hal to important but distant appointment/errands, but I can’t do it because we might not be able to get back before sunset and we value being alive and surviving and such. As a result, we are trying to get me glasses, which will probably cost around $130 total.

The second thing is a scooter. I have applied to everywhere I’m willing and able to work that is reasonably accessible to me on foot and have been turned down or ghosted at every turn. My own car has been broken since last december and the part it needs has been on national backorder for nearly a year, so I’m on foot til that’s resolved. There are places where I would like to work that are more reasonably accessible if I had functioning wheeled transportation of my own. I could even get myself to the train station and start looking for jobs in neighboring cities! As a result, I would like to get a simple kick scooter. The one I want costs $70 (not including sales tax and such but whatever)

These necessary costs add up to $200 that I don’t have. If you would like to help me see, drive, and apply for jobs, please send me some dollars on paypal or venmo! You can also tip me on here if you want I guess lol

We are currently at $200/$200!

(^ updated Friday, October 21)

I am still using ko-fi to pay for my regular bills and any art supplies, since that’s how I keep track of my art business money. If you want to help pay my regular bills, buy some art resources, or sign up for a membership, you can also check me out at ko-fi.com/endcant, but donations there won’t go towards glasses and scooter. Thank you 🖤

#mine #pins

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im-no-jedi · 8 months

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Let’s get some fun recommendations goin around here! What’s a piece of clone content (art, fic, etc) that has stuck with you as being notably excellent? Tag it in your answer so we can all find some new fun to read! If you want, of course; feel free to ignore! 💕

🤩 oh what a fun idea!! I would LOVE to gush about some really cool artists, thank you 😁

I'll start with @shyranno, whose art I absolutely adore. her style is so clean and expressive and colorful, and she makes amazing comics. the TBB Downtime series is exactly my kinda Clone content, filled with lots of fluff and feels. the "baby" batch ones are my favorite, but I'm also fond of this one where Tech gets teased from not being able to grow a beard 😜

another artist I really love is @zaana! she also draws a lot of really sweet and funny moments with TBB, and I'm super fond of her more sketchy style of drawing. she's got a "Crosshair defects the Empire" AU about Cross rejoining TBB sometime during season 2 that I love soooooo much. honestly, all her stuff with Crosshair (especially the ones with Omega) is top tier. although I think my top favorite is this one with Hunter and Crosshair (which @questforgalas also wrote an amazing oneshot about!); it's so simple but so sweet, and I automatically love any wholesome content between these two 🥰

then there's @lightspringrain, who makes beautiful portraits of TBB. I've been wanting to buy some of her prints (and will absolutely do so once I have the money!!) because they are seriously gorgeous. her "Crown" series is the best, it's so lovely! and she does an amazing job capturing the style of the show! to no one's surprise, my favorites are the Hunter and Omega moon crowns. the Hunter one is legit one of my favorite art piece ever; it's been my lockscreen on my phone ever since I saw it 💙

someone I recently started following is @thattoothpick! after seeing her "TBB Happy on Pabu" comics, I had to see more. the best way I can describe her style is "soft". everything is just so soft; the lines, the colors, all of it. it just makes me happy 😊 I have two favorite pieces; the first is this one about Hunter and Crosshair from the Pabu series. literally made me cry. I need this to happen SO badly 🥺 and then this one that I refer to as "the Sad Batch"... oh man. also had me crying (but also simping for obvious reasons LOL) 😭

now for a big one. I can easily say my favorite SW related artist of all time is @lornaka. her art... holy crap y'all. it's so freaking good. she makes everything from simple portraits to stunning dynamic pieces, and I'm obsessed with all of it. she even was featured during SW Celebration last year!! she's that good!! \o/ I have a few favorites of hers. which obviously includes the TBB poster she made for Celebration. still sad I couldn't get my own copy of it 💔 then there's this... lovely portrait of Hunter from behind. oh Lordy 🥵 and finally, my top favorite is actually this simple portrait of Hunter. I had it as my lockscreen for a LONG time. it's just... so good. the colors, the stars, his expression... I'm still obsessed 😍

finally, I can't talk about amazing artists without mentioning my sister @jam-n-ham. her art account is @joyjababanoid. y'all. please just scroll through her TBB art, you will not regret it. I've always adored her cartoony and expressive style, and it makes for hilarious Clone content LOL. she did a bunch of drawings for Inktober last year, solely focused around TBB. she's also done some comics that I've had a part in helping her develop (specifically the Padme pin-up art and the AZI going on a mission). but my absolute favorite is by far the Valentines collection. y'aaaaaaaall. I had the Hunter one as my phone background for over a year haha. she knows how to personally get to me, let's just say that 🥵

oh, and one last thing I wanna mention is that the one thing these folks all have in common, aside from being fantastic artists, is that I love how each of them draw my bae. seriously, y'all draw Hunter so good, and I'm smooching each of your different versions of him 🥰😘

thanks for letting me gush about some cool people!! everyone show them some much deserved love please!! 💙💙💙

#this was super long OMG sldkjfghklgfkdj #but I won't apologize!#these people deserve all the love!#wish I had some more fics to recommend #but sadly I'm more of a writer than a reader 😅#anyway PLEASE GIVE ALL THESE PEOPLE SOME LOVE #THEY DESERVE IT #💙💙💙#star warz #anonymous #ask

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garaksapprentice · 7 months

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Review: the Daedalus Falcon e-spinner

Originally posted on my blog: https://garaksapprentice.blogspot.com/2023/09/review-daedalus-falcon-e-spinner.html

(There's a ton of photos in this one and much as I love you all, I cannot brain moving them all over here. So if you want all the pics, please check the blog.)

I confess, this is a departure from my usual "let's do things with the least amount of money we can get away with" style. In my defence, I strive to be frugal rather than cheap. I don't mind spending the money to get a good quality, durable product, if it's something I know will get a lot of use. An e-spinner definitely fits that category for me, for several reasons.

One, I fall well on the frog hair end of the spinning spectrum, something most traditional wheels just aren't designed to accommodate. I actually found it faster (and easier on my legs) to use a spindle for the kinds of fine, high-twist yarns I prefer to spin. But, there are limits to how fine I can comfortably go on a spindle - anything past about 50 WPI and I have to concentrate just on the spinning. Not good when you typically use a spindle on the go.

Two, I have a lingering knee injury that doesn't like the treadle action of most spinning wheels (something I find hilariously frustrating given I ride a cargo bike anywhere I can't take the train).

Three, I spin mostly to weave. Much as I love spinning, I like it to end eventually so I can move onto the weaving part of the equation.

After three straight months of research, the Daedalus Falcon came out as the hands-down winner for my goals of speed, fine yarn, and product durability.

Why Daedalus?

Daedalus manufacture high-end e-spinners and spinning accessories. All their products are designed to need little to no maintenance, and to last 20+ years - they're seriously well put together.

They make five different e-spinners to suit just about any spinning preference, from super bulky art yarn to ultra fine frog hair. The Falcon is specifically designed for production spinning of fine yarns - it can reach speeds of 4,200 RPM, over twice what I could get from my Ashford Traditional wheel.

Ordering

I'll be honest, I spent a long time thinking about which model, and whether to order a Daedalus at all. These beauties are high-performance machines built to last. But, that means they come with the price tag of a high-performance machine. Plus currency exchange. Plus postage. (Yikes.) In all, I spent just under AU$2,000 on my Falcon set-up (I ordered three extra bobbins at US$90 and some yarn control cards for US$24).

At the time I ordered (November 2022), there was an estimated wait time of 12 months or more. Luckily for me, if not my bank account, Daedalus expanded their production capacity over the 2022 Christmas break. I reached the front of the Falcon queue in June 2023 (seven months from sign-up). At the time of writing (September 2023) there is no queue for the Falcon, and the Daedalus team are working to banish their waitlists completely.

The package

My Falcon came party disassembled, cradled in bubble wrap. (I wasn't thinking about writing a review when I ordered it, so I didn't take pictures.) The flyer assembly was individually wrapped for transport, as were the speed controller, inverter, cables, and welcome pack/spares bag.

The inverter is a standard laptop style pack. It comes with a US-ended jug plug, but that's easy to change out for whatever your local plug end is. I dove into my box of spare cables and leads and had a compatible jug plug in less than two minutes. If you don't have a box of old computer cords lying around, what century did you time travel from plan ahead and buy a new one.

Importantly, the inverter outputs 15 volts! Make absolutely sure that you've got the right one when you go to spin! Most laptops nowadays run on 20 volts - you don't want to damage the motor by running it faster than it's designed for.

{pic on blog}

The extension cable for the speed controller, and the power end on the motor itself, is some non-standard end that I've never seen before. (It's probably very common among people who know things about electronics; I'm not one of them.) It's similar to USB-A connectors in that the ends are directional; if you don't get them the right way up, they won't connect. The cord itself has a protective, braided outer and feels very sturdy.

From top to bottom: the outside of both ends, the female end, and the male end.

The Instructions

The guidebook (also available as a PDF on their website) is beautifully designed, and clearly written. The parts diagrams are clearly photographed and labelled. I've found the instructions easy to follow, even with a scattered brain.

It includes:

getting started

fine tuning the tension

how to use the speed controller

a page of "handy tips"

how to change the bobbin

an RPM speed table

changing settings in the speed controller menu

maintenance

flat packing for travel

the Daedalus battery (purchased separately)

Daedalus' social media and contact details

The first page has a QR code that takes you directly to the Daedalus YouTube channel, where you can find videos on how to assemble and disassemble each model. My one quibble here is that the QR code takes you to the channel as a whole, rather than to the specific playlist for the model you bought. The videos themselves are short, to the point, and well shot with clear lighting and narration.

Also, the manual states that the speed controller has been limited to 50% max speed in the settings - mine wasn't. I've seen other folks on social media also say their controller wasn't speed limited for this model, so it's something to watch out for.

About that battery

Daedalus offer a battery bank that's designed to work with all their e-spinners (yay!). Unfortunately, due to issues with postage, they don't mail them outside the continental US (boo!).

While their website does say that they'll help you find a compatible battery that you can purchase in your country, this is complicated by the part where all their stuff runs on 15 volts. In Australia at least, 15v battery banks with a standard laptop cable input simply don't exist. I spent six weeks trying to find somewhere to buy a battery - I eventually gave up due to my brain frying any time I tried to look at listings.

While I'd like the option of a battery eventually (it would be much easier to set up in the back yard that way), for now I've made peace with needing to lug extension cords anywhere I want to spin.

Spinning Experience

So far I've only spun commercially prepared wools, so this won't be a thorough review of the Falcon's performance over a variety of fibres and preps. (I'll attempt that later, when I get the chance. And finer wool cards.)

Noise

It's quiet. Really quiet. At least two people at every guild meeting I've taken it to have commented on how quiet it is. Most of the noise comes from the flyer rotation, and considerably less from the motor. I'm quite sensitive to noise, especially higher pitches, so I was concerned about this. Luckily it hasn't been an issue. (If you're the sort of person who can hear electricity, it may bother you. I've lost that mysterious ability as I've aged, for the most part, so I can't say for sure.)

I have noticed that the noise changes/gets louder at speeds above about 70% - again, this is simply due to the fact that the flyer is turning at ~3,000+ RPM. At worst I have to turn the laptop up slightly to better hear the video I have playing. The breeze off the flyer sure helps with air circulation on a warm day, too.

Threading

The size of the hooks (loops, really) and the inner part of the orifice make threading a breeze. I do occasionally struggle with very fine, high twist threads, especially when I'm rethreading after a break. That's partly finding the right angle to hold the thread at so that it catches in the hook, and partly my fingers not always co-operating.This is the position I find works best for threading the orifice.

I wouldn't want to try it with a non-Daedalus orifice hook, though - there's quite a bend in the hook, and it's there for good reason. Luckily the Falcon body has magnets on it to always keep your hook nearby.

The magnets + hook combo is great for holding the end of the thread when you're not spinning, too. I just wrap it around the middle of the hook a few times and stick it back on the magnets.

Take-up and tensioning

The take-up is wonderfully light, and can be ridiculously fine-tuned to match what you're spinning. When take-up drops below an acceptable level (once or twice per layer of bobbin filling), a tiny adjustment (less than a quarter turn) is usually enough to get things back on track.

I've filled four part-bobbins so far (two I'm still working on, one I ran out of fibre), at ~65 WPI, 45 WPI, and ~85 WPI. On each empty bobbin, I started with the spring completely compressed and the cord just barely tight/without slack. It took a few minutes of trial and error with each fibre to dial in the correct tension, but once I did, it was basically hassle-free for each spinning session thereafter.

That being said - I found correct tensioning quite tricky to dial in at first, because the hook and dial had shifted on their arms during shipping. If you put your wheel in something to travel with and find the tension is all screwy next time you go to spin, that's something to look at.

This circumstance isn't covered in the guide book, so it took me a while to work out why my "maximum tension" on the dial still wasn't enough to draw on the yarn I was spinning (it only became apparent about a third into the bobbin). Once I realised that the tension dial had rotated on the shaft in transport, I was able to reset it by simply rotating it back to a more vertical position.

{pic on blog}

This is an extreme example, but both the tension dial and the spring hook opposite it can rotate like this if you're not careful.

Starting/Stopping

At first I didn't think I'd need the foot pedal extension cord - surely I'd just be able to bop the controller on and off with my hand while I was spinning?

I was quickly disabused of this notion partway through my second bobbin. When things go wrong while spinning a 60 WPI single at 2,500 RPM, they go wrong fast. Being able to turn the Falcon off with my foot, while frantically trying to salvage whatever's gone wrong, is essential.

A really nice bonus to the foot pedal is that I'm not stuck in one position while spinning - I can sit, stand, rock from side to side, even crouch or kneel. I have back and shoulder problems and an old knee injury, so being able to freely change posture is a godsend for keeping my muscles happy.

And the soft stop/start - oh. my. Dog. I did not realise how much nicer my wheel spinning life could be. A soft stop is built in to spindle spinning by default, and I genuinely didn't realise how much I missed that on a wheel until I started spinning on the Falcon. I sing its praises whenever the thread breaks - the end stays loose and easy to find on top of the bobbin. No matter how gently I tried to stop my treadle wheel, more often than not the thread end would be buried somewhere in the hills and valleys on the bobbin, and there would be much swearing during retrieval.

Bobbin size

Daedalus advertises the Falcon bobbin as holding "two ounces (60 g) of 30 WPI singles". After plying a couple of bobbins of sock yarn with it, I would call this a conservative estimate. I managed to fit 70g of a 32 WPI, two-ply yarn on one bobbin - and it wasn't even well packed!

I've included a couple of in-progress bobbin shots, and what the singles on them currently measure/weight, below. None of them are even close to full, unfortunately - this is the order I spun them in, and right now I need to concentrate on the last one since it's due by December.

{pics on blog}

Sliver from Bendigo Woollen Mills. ~75 WPI, 31g. 19.5 micron merino top from Nundle Farms. ~82 WPI, 29g. Handpainted 20 micron merino from Kathy's Fibres, ~82 WPI, 12g.

Final thoughts

This powerhouse is not for everyone. It's made for a specific purpose, and it fulfils that purpose beautifully. But it would probably suck at doing things it's not designed for.

While I'm sure you could spin 20 WPI or even 10 WPI singles with it, it won't do the job as well as an e-spinner designed for that. The other Daedalus offerings are worth a look, if you're not as into spinning frog hair as me.

But if you have a deep, abiding love for spinning lace-weight and finer yarns, this is an e-spinner worth looking at. Expensive though it was, it's one of the best fibre-related purchases I've made. (It easily beats the sewing machine and the overlocker combined.)

I'm definitely an outlier here - I have the not-at-all-typical goal of one day having a completely hand-spun, handwoven, and hand-sewn wardrobe. As such, production spinning is my jam - I want fine, high-twist yarns, that commercial mills simply can't replicate. And I want them as fast as my skills will let me go. With that in mind, the Falcon makes complete sense for my spinning goals.

Obligatory disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with Daedalus, and this post isn't sponsored (not that I'm against that, mind. This apprentice has to eat). All opinions are my own.

#review #spinning #daedalus #e-spinner #espinner #fibre crafts #fibre arts

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certifiedwerewolf · 2 years

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Having recently gotten into hobby painting, something I've always wanted to do but didn't for a variety of reasons, here are some things I wish someone had said to me, just in case someone else is where I was for a long time and needs someone to say it to them:

It's fine if you only do it for a hobby. You don't have to monetize your work, you don't have to sell it or do commission work or enter contests or anything like that. You can just do it because it feels good and if you do mediocre paintings forever that's fine because the point of a hobby is to make you happy.

It's fine if you paint the same things over and over.

It's fine if you paint cartoon characters instead of scenery or portraits. (This was always a tricky one with me. I have a cartoony art style and the idea of learning to paint in a more realistic style was paralyzing for a long time.)

Buy the cheap shit. Seriously! One of the big factors that stalled me for so long was that I didn't want to mess up and ruin my materials or canvas and waste the money I'd spent on it. But over a few months I've spent collectively about thirty dollars on paints, brushes, canvases, pallets, and fancy graphite pencils in abundance because I bought the cheap shit instead of shelling out loads of money on the "good stuff". My brain is a layman's brain; it doesn't know the difference, all it knows is "paint stuff", and if I waste a canvas, I can get a six pack for like four dollars. If I ruin a brush, I can get a huge pack of assorted sizes for seven. It's okay.

It's okay if you mess up! See above, but also like. It's fine. It's fine. I pinky promise it's fine. It doesn't have to be perfect. It's fine.

No seriously you are under no obligation to perfection. I'm reiterating this because the fear of not being perfect the first time has stalled me from so many things all of my life and part of that is undiagnosed and mismanaged adhd and part of that is expectations placed on me from being "gifted" and it's shit but it's fine if you aren't perfect and it's fine if you do shit and it's fine if all you ever are is mediocre. It doesn't matter.

If you find joy in the creation, then the work has done its job. That's the point of doing something as a hobby. Just enjoy yourself. Experiment to your heart's content and find the things that bring you joy, whether that's painting the same cartoon character over and over or trying out every kind of art style that has ever existed. Do what you want. Who cares?

You don't have to display your work either. Or give it away. Or do anything with it. You can even throw it out once it's done, if that's your notion.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MONETIZE YOUR HOBBY. Reiterating that one too because "if I get good enough I can sell my work" has always been the quickest way to suck the fun out of anything I wanted to do. Don't tell yourself that and don't let anyone else tell you that either. Unless that's what you want, but that's more for if you're trying to become a professional and that's a different set of advice that I can't give you because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, I've got like two complete and two incomplete pieces under my belt. The only art class I've ever taken was in fourth grade and I don't remember shit fuck from it except that for some reason you aren't supposed to just draw a bunch of cubes in the margins of your notebook and call it drawing. Even if it's super satisfying.

So, to sum up: Do what you want, it literally doesn't matter, don't worry about monetization and buy cheap shit because your layman's brain won't know the difference. Have fun. Also draw cubes.

Anyway here's a painting of my chickensona that I did a few weeks ago please enjoy

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flowgninthgil · 3 months

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Pinned Post!

Past pfp was cropped from this post by @neonlitlesbians

Next one was from Dungeon Meshi.

Current one from a post by @mupparts

I'm an openly anarchist person, probably from the same reality as you, and reblogs are gonna show that, but I also like arts and silly things, things that put joy in your life, but also things that allows you to see things from many different angles, all of those things that creativity only can give.

I use any pronouns by the way, literally, I usually take the exemple of cactuses, beats me why.

you know those things that are greatly limited by the fact that it takes time to create, the time you need to get the money that you need to keep on living?

We work to earn the right to work, to earn the right to give ourselves the right to buy oourselves the right to live, to earn the right to die.

Bat - > (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ) < - Bat

Anyway, this also serves for me to get some posts easely accessible 'cause I really like them and I like too many things to just search them back in the list, so here they go:

Thanks!

Always seek the root of the problem:

If you have an abusive family, this is a good number of advices to help you until you can safely leave:

Internet:

Artists.

Artistic Consent VS AI, Part 1: Glazing.

Artistic Consent VS AI, Part 2: Nightshade.

Privacy

People should try PiHole, I assure you, your privacy on internet matters.

I mean it, your privacy is important.

"Slow the Fuck Down"

Protexting private information can be hard, sorry

Cool things that internet allows you to do.

HTML is awesome.

Too many imbed for tumblr, switching to not-cool links from here.

Piracy.

Keep the Windows open:

Fuck windows, opt out those useless things

Fuck Google, here's some websites you won't find.

Google Algorythm is fucked and full of spam.

Twitter's Community notes are not Universal Truth.

Trick to get some disk freed up on your computer.

Fuck Spotify and the others.

The Cloud! Off-site SSD.

Please, take care!

Your body and mind matters.

It's OK to not be ready, or saying no.

Lazyness doesn't exists.

Learning how diet actually works is important, pizzas are supposed to be healthy.

Your posture matters, take care of your spine.

Breast Cancer CAN affect you, no matter who you are and what your biology is.

Know how you feel and what it means.

Say "Thank you" instead of "Sorry".

Fuck Depression.

Caring about others requires knowing about them.

Communication is key, in every interraction you can have, even the bad ones.

Look out of intersex people, especially at birth.

What is Ableism and what does people mean by it? (Thinking of things concerning disabled people from an Able point of interest.)

To Disabled Persons in the United States of Central North America, get a Abled Account.

Sex education is important for kids.

Explaining Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Don't keep everything to yourself, it's not good for anyone.

Autistic lack of empathy.

Explaining Borderline Personality Disorder.

Down Syndrome does not keep people from being normal people.

Hey, people in rehabs and mental health facilities are people too.

It ends up making a very interesting point about disabled people.

Creation is an art!

AO3 & tips:

AO3 search filter.

If you don't private them, authors can read your bookmarks on AO3.

Compression Sleeves can help you when drawing.

Training is key! and this is awesomely simple!!!!!

Grey vs Gray!

From stories:

bittersweet, short, fantasy story.

Introducing a character:

Sci-Fy but it's not bad:

Changing your point of view.

Remarkable movie about Trans People!

Pokémon Lore!!!!

To Imagination!

Here's how to make fantasy names:

More fantasy world logic!

The Organic, the Mechanical, and the Holy.

But with reallife origins.

People need glasses, and imaginary people too.

Your work is actually Great.

It's about feminism and how all women are normal, but I think it can get you some useful bases on dressing up people.

Rude Compouds on Reddit.

Cultural mixity create great food!

Awesome person, horrible surroundings.

And History is a tool!

It explains,

Paper on cool alt people

Diversity of Arabic languages.

Exploring Music throughout history:

How bad can I be? I'm just building the economy!

And remember.

Did you know girls were awesome?

People lived here before you.

Bayard Rustin and the Civil Rights.

Former capital of the armenian kingdom:

Company town is not new.

Cool Dutch gay guy which tried his best to help during the occupation

Nazis didn't burnt book randomly, they knew what they were burning.

Fuckers and Nature All Around the World:

Helping people DOES help, don't prevent them needs in fear of scams, differences or such:

A little bit can do a lot for people.

More than anything, Welfare helps people.

I seem to have reached the maximum of links someone can add to a Tumblr Post... Can't even be a linklog on this tumblelog website! Anyway, here's the links and the name I gave them, they just aren't clickable:

Disgust is no reason to shame or be unsupportive. (Kinks and fetish are valid, because far-right is using them to bring you down.)

https://www.tumblr.com/bemusedlybespectacled/740639295563546624

Fuck racists.

https://www.tumblr.com/anarchistmemecollective/745001874298667008/anarchistmemecollective-willowdove

A Philosophy for Queer Labels.

https://www.tumblr.com/brightlotusmoon/736464664779702272/i-did-that-to-a-guy-he-wanted-to-be-a-wolverine

Learn from others around the world (Anarchy)

https://www.tumblr.com/fuck-yeah-anarchy/721841471755567104/zoe-samudzi-on-a-black-feminist-anarchism

Unlearning White Supremacy. (I guess some people need to.)

https://www.tumblr.com/anarchistmemecollective/746430184276836352/whiteness-as-property-pdf

You missed it out, but it's okay, we just have to give it to others to make it up. (about trans people missing out on growing up as a teenager.)

https://www.tumblr.com/idiot-trashpanda/746303006847418368/i-try-so-hard-to-get-over-this-because-i-cant-be

Cool story about how talking about sex is considered bad. (School director filming educational/humanising porn with his wife and publishing it on the internet without telling anyone getting fired for it.)

https://www.tumblr.com/theprofessional-amateur/738092201016492032/i-want-to-see-this-legal-battle-we-cant-do

Economy! (Seatle people burning up medical depts of people.)

https://www.tumblr.com/enkiduofvideogames/727566517643919361/thing-is-the-debt-companies-hate-this-because

Nature is beautiful:

Biology VS. gender norms. (Little informative drawings)

https://www.tumblr.com/obsidian-hollow-archives/733229447184089088

Fishes are not stupid, you know? (actually watched a documentary about it, fishes shows every signs of intelligence you might think of.)

https://www.tumblr.com/evergreenbutch/741135011848273920

Gretta Thumberg's growth. (lost the link :Sadge:)

Deep Sea livings. (Cool and dangerous in strange ways)

https://www.tumblr.com/plaguedocboi/729081806036647936/this-is-the-irukandji-jellyfish-which-has-venom

Science!

https://www.tumblr.com/supreme-leader-stoat/662522956249972736/i-love-the-pitch-drop-experiment-some-guy

TERFs and Nazis:

J.K. Rowling is both.

https://www.tumblr.com/joerojasburke/744953450298769409

You're not Destroying nature. (Big corps are.)

https://www.tumblr.com/anexperimentallife/736626826502356992

What is Blood Quantum? (American way to force amerindians to get erradicated.)

https://www.tumblr.com/anarchistmemecollective/713843341642563584/blood-quantum-was-designed-to-eliminate-native

Pearl Harbour on the Cost of Giving Birth in the USCNA (United States of Central North America)

https://www.tumblr.com/doubleca5t/742160965275172864/explanation-japan-bombs-pearl-harbor-which

Corporations are a Platypus. (Phineas and Pherb is awesome.)

https://www.tumblr.com/prettydumbloverboy/634121884908322816/corporations-are-a-platypus

& more to come

Redesigns of enby, ace, aro, and agender by @the-unicorn-nick, trans flag by @vampk1zzer, and colours from here by @caninophobia.

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writer-updates · 1 year

Text

Sebastian Knight

Chapter 35 - Liliana

The next morning, I was alone in the mansion with a few guards. As Sebastian was down at the warehouse moving what he could before the detective could come and find what was there. I was on the phone to Samantha who was telling me that the art gallery was almost finished. Just a few final touches and it will be ready.

I was beyond happy that it was still going forward. I can't wait for my art to be shown to everyone.

Eduardo was working on a guest list of whom he knows and knew would like art. Also has set up a few community openings for those who like art to come visit. We've even talked about having a free art lesson every week in new York. A space had just opened up a few streets away.

I would love to teach those who don't have the money about art, art isn't always valued as it used to be, by people and family. Sometimes people are mocked upon for wanting to become an artist. Once the phone call with Samantha was finished, I was seated in the painting room, drawing up a sketch of what I wanted to paint up. Once the outline was finished, I began to paint it up.

My hand gently and slowly moved against the canvas, seeing the colours and my image come to life as I painted and drew the outline. Being an artist can be anything from graphic design, to spray paint art, graffiti. Humming to myself as I painted.

"Looking good," I jumped at the sound of Sebastian's voice.

Turning to face him, I gave him a look and huffed, causing Sebastian to chuckle. "Sorry bebé, you really do go into a trance when you paint don't you?" He asked as he stepped forward.

"Yes" I replied. "How is everything going?"

Sebastian sighed, "Well we managed to move what we could, but I need to burn off some steam. Want to come with me to the gym?" He asked.

I stood up from the chair I was sitting on. Nodding my head, "Yes please, can we also go to the diner afterwards? I'm craving a milkshake and chicken tenders."

"Of course, whatever you want. I will buy you the entire menu if that made you happy," Sebastian smiled as he stepped forward, pressing his lips to mine, for a short but passionate kiss.

I headed to the bedroom to change my clothes, I wanted to wear something more comfortable. Putting on a pink track suit set with comfortable shoes, doing my hair into a pony tail.

When we got to the gym, Sebastian held onto my hand, Deigo was also coming inside as well.

"Mr Knight, nice to see you again. This must be your lovely wife Mrs Knight." The receptionist spoke.

He had short brown hair, blue eyes and was wearing a tank top and black jeans.

"Yes she is, keep your eyes off her, before I carve them out." Sebastian warned, the receptionist nodded and gulped.

He said nothing else as he led me inside and to an empty seat. I knew he took these sessions seriously.

"Alright bebè, I have got an apple and peanut butter cup for you as well. Not to mention your favourite drink."

Nodding my head as he handed me the food and placed the drink bottle next to me. Deigos new girlfriend Rachel sat next to me, she had long straight blonde hair, blue eyes, a fake tan on. She was wearing designer clothes. I haven't really spoken to Rachel as I haven't seen them much.

When Sebastian and Deigo headed into the boxing ring to spar together. Rachel turned towards me.

"You have him wrapped around your little finger, don't you?" Rachel asked.

Frowning as I turned towards her, "What do you mean?" Sebastian loves me, even if he gets what I need.

Rachel scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Please, we can all see it."

"I mean we are married and I am carrying his children. It doesn't mean I have him wrapped around my finger."

"Why did you come here? I haven't seen you here before?" Rachel asked.

"Well sometimes I'm asleep depending on what time he comes and other times, I'm sitting in the office up there watching him from there," I replied, although it was none of her buisness.

Rachel said nothing else while I ate the peanut butter cup and watched Sebastian and Deigo spar together. Sebastian was getting most of the hits in while he dodged Sebastian's, my eyes never left his body watching his muscle's flex each time he moved causing my pussy to become wet.

Fuck!

I cleared my throat, I couldn't help but cheer quietly as Sebastian pinned Deigo onto the mat causing Rachel to groan and huff. She stood up and trotted over to them. Like a puppy dog. Rolling my eyes at her reaction, Sebastian looked over at me and did the same thing. Standing up from my spot, I walked over towards him, as he got out of the sparing mat.

"I saw you watching me, did you enjoy it?" He asked with a smirk.

"Yes," I whispered.

Sebastian hummed, pulling me into him kissing me once again on the lips.

****

We were at the diner with Rachel and Deigo, my head was resting on Sebastian's arm. His hand was placed on my pregnant bump, feeling the little ones kick against it.

"So do you know the gender?" Deigo asked.

"Well the doctor is having a hard time, finding the gender as they are always in the wrong position," I replied.

Rachel said nothing as she screwed her nose up. A waitress walked over, swaying her hips in motion, she wore a baby blue uniform, with white shoes. Her blonde hair was done up in a bun, she had natural looking make up on.

"Hello, my name is Susan, I will be your waitress today. What can I get for you?" Susan asked as he grabbed her notepad out of her pocket.

"Can I please get the chicken tenders with large fries and a large chocolate shake please?" I asked.

Susan nodded and wrote it down, the others ordered what they wanted. Within a few minutes Susan disappeared to place the order in.

"That's a lot of food, for yourself. Are you going to eat it all?" Rachel asked causing Sebastian and even Deigo to gape at her.

I could feel the heat beginning to rise up in Sebastian's body as he stared at her. Placing my hand on his arm, getting him to look at me. I gave him a look.

I ignored what she said and simply smiled at Rachel, "Yes Rachel, I will." She went to open her mouth but I silenced her with my own. "I'm pregnant with twins meaning I'm hungrier than normal. Even before I was pregnant I ate a lot because I used to work out a few times with Sebastian and when I could when I finished working at the bar. But you know whatever comes out of your mouth next better be good."

Knowing that Sebastian will do whatever he pleases to silence her and Deigo won't stop him because no one speaks to me like that.

"I may seem fragile, or that I can't handle myself but believe me when I say Rachel. You don't want to piss me off. Trust me."

I could hear Sebastian's lips against my hair knowing he was proud of me for standing up for myself. It felt good. Deigo cleared his throat, a minute later the food came out.

#gangster #romance #mafia #mafiaromance #sebestianknight #sexualcontent #mature

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csmeaner · 2 years

Text

I just discovered this blog but I want to put in my two cents for those who struggle with detoxing from the CS community or who wonder if they should get into. Take a step back and ask yourself: Do I genuinely like this character as a character?

If you find yourself looking at the Masterlist a little too much, finding yourself quietly satisfied with the counter of rare traits or how much people exalt you in the CS community when you post it or draw art of it. Stop. Just stop. Look at the goddamn character without any input from ANYONE in a CS community, hell the OC community in general.

Do you have a story for it that is something you genuinely like talking about and thinking about? Great, keep it.

Do you have fun drawing it and it de-stresses you? Great, keep it.

Does it bring you inexplicable joy from some deep primitive part of your mind because you gave it a personality that resonates with you and may even be a form of projection that helps you? Great, keep it.

Put stock in sentimentality. Put stock in the memories you made with it, especially if it's something that you can go home to and daydream about to escape whatever toxic environment you may be trying to escape from.

This is positive thinking. This is good.

If you: - Only engage in the character/feel happy with the character when you're in the CS community and talking to the CS community actively - Feel depressed about your character if other people aren't as hyped about it as you are - Feel any type of compulsion for compulsion's sake to obtain the character including but not limited to Artist Design Hoarding, FOMO, 'What can I get better' immediate trade foddering, justifying more than $100 purchases on a whim, etc. - Force yourself to use only the lore of the species for it to feel 'right' to use the character - Find yourself with an itchy feeling in the back of your head when you look at the lore and trait guide and the money values that something's not right - Talk to an artist outside of any OC community and they say: 'That's just an X' You don't need a character, you need people. Many times, people get into CS because they want to be 'a part of something' in a gesture to be someone to somebody. It's normal. I get it. It's a human thing when we're young, especially if we're in an environment that doesn't make us feel welcome. But don't spend actual money trying to get that connection, because then you're no better than a sucker buying into a cult. And a cult doesn't love you, they just love what you're willing to give. Don't ruin your life for a cult (and I sincerely mean ruin your life, the financial hits alone are debilitating to anyone at any time in the state of the world right now). Get out. Turn back. Give/Sell your characters to another sucker, or if you're lucky, someone who takes stock in sentimentality and genuinely loves them because of what they are at face value, not what they're a part of.

And get therapy. Seriously I had no idea this was such a huge problem but please for the love of christ get therapy because the predilection to go this far in an addiction is usually hiding something way worse.

Sincerely, a character artist who didn't get into OCs from seeing these exact problems that I could never fathom or begin to relate to.

#submission #help

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warpfactornonsense · 6 years

Photo

Admiral Pike, in this moment, really wishes he hadn’t encouraged a certain genius, repeat criminal offender to join Starfleet.

1000 followers!! Thanks so much, everyone! 💗

Image description: In the foreground, Spock and Jim argue. Jim, shaking one fist just a little, looks very angered in this clearly very heated debate. Spock, while looking more subdued and under control, is no less invested in this argument. Both Spock and Jim are staring at each other as they argue. Meanwhile, in the background, Admiral Pike sits at his desk, looking straight at the viewer (read: looking into the camera like he’s on The Office) with a highly exasperated, unimpressed, fed-up expression. He definitely didn’t sign up for Starfleet to moderate two geniuses having a row in his office.

#okay so it's less marriage counsel-y and more pike just being done with these two idiots #but i'm finally getting a handle on aos spock's profile so there's that!#christopher pike #star trek aos #spirk #spock #james t kirk #aos #doodle #traditional art #my art #fan art #seriously thank you so much everyone #i'll be posting soon about patreon things as well as how to get more drawings out of me #i'm buying a car in a month so like #i kinda need money for that #so if you want to see more star trek throwing money at my patreon is a good way to help me prioritize that #or you can always specify other things but you're on my star trek blog so i assume you're here for that #aaaargh one day i'll take parlor magic off hiatus but like no one really seems to mind it so #i'm still tinkering on my star trek comic and i'm pleased with my plot progress!#so maybe that'll take a front seat soon #tag rant over

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starlightxsvt · 3 years

Text

3 dates | c.sc

pairing ➳ badboy!Seungcheol x female!reader

genre ➳ badboy au, romance, some fluff, angst, bad attempt at humour, gets spicy at the end.

word count ➳ 12.4k+ (i have NO idea how this became so long so strap in for a ride)

warnings ➳ cursing, mentions of killing, mentions criminal activities, slight violence(non explicit), smoking, ma man Seungcheol ain't your typical badboy, self doubt, blackmailing, reader does all sorts of risky things cuz she's a SIMP, blood(nothing explicit), kissing, marking, some breast worshipping, grinding, reader is horny lol. (Please lemme know if I forgot anything.)

synopsis ➳ after one fateful encounter with him you cannot get him out of your head. so you opt to do some crazy things to catch his attention and even snag a few dates with him. only trouble is he isn't the type to stay after the whole disposition is over.

Swirling the third drink in your hand you heave yet another depressed sigh. You are so tired that you feel like you can just slump on the counter and pass out. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to stop for a drink, you alcohol riddled brain thinks.

The plans you had with Katelyn was cancelled last moment; she called to tell you that her thesis submission date was moved forward and so she couldn't hang out with you tonight. You're in the middle of an existential crisis quite literally, the too many part time jobs yet still lack of money and copious amounts of study getting to you. Staring hard at your drink you contemplate if it is worth giving up on college and your dream of becoming an arts major. It sure feels tempting right now, the long hours at the diner and not enough sleep at night proving to be the worst nuisance.

Sighing you put down your drink. It's still early, you should go home and try to catch up on the much needed sleep. You really had no intention of grabbing a drink tonight; you have morning classes tomorrow but you made a last moment decision to stop for a drink on your way back home. You didn't take your usual route to home today, and while trudging through the streets tiredly you came across this bar called Seventeen's. You've heard stories about this place, how it is the home to local gangs and how it's bad people's turf and what not. Your curiosity, probably too much of that made you get inside for a drink even though all the bones in your body ached. The inside is what you expected, nowhere near fancy but dingy, just decent enough. The people inside didn't look friendly and if the chains and tattoos on them gave any indication you'd say the rumours are true; this is the turf of gangs. The drinks taste decent, not the best but not the worst and from the overall look of this place you don't really have a reason to come back.

You're about to stand up from your stool when a large, clammy hand grabs your wrist out of nowhere, making you jump. "Hey sexy, sit down. Let me buy you a drink," the owner of the hand, a large, tattooed middle aged man slurs making your nose scrunch out of disgust. You're wearing nothing that can be called sexy; a plain cardigan and jeans and the way he looks you up and down makes you want to poke his eyes out.

You really shouldn't have come here. Clenching your jaw, you meet his eyes, "What makes you think I'm interested to have a drink with you?"

"Oh come on, why would you be here then, lookin' all nice? Just sit down," the man drawls, an ugly smile on his face. He still hasn't let go of your wrist and it's making you impatient. Looks like you're gonna have to kick his balls tonight. Maybe the self defense classes didn't completely go to waste.

"Get your disgusting hands off me while I'm being nice, sleazeball," you hiss at him, trying to get his hand off. The man stands up growling, "What did you say you bitch?" You're preparing to break his nose when out of nowhere a punch lands on his face that sends him tumbling to the ground. The attacker gets on top of him and twists his arm and you can literally hear a bone snap.

Shit.

"I think she said she is not interested," the man hisses, landing yet another another hit on his face before kicking his groin and getting up. When he turns around and his eyes meet yours, your heart skips a few beats and you almost The man is drop dead gorgeous, someone you would not expect to see here but probably on the cover of a high end magazine. His blond hair is long, crossing the nape of his neck as well as some covering his forehead. What takes your breath away the most is his eyes, the most beautiful pair you've ever seen. They seem to have their own galaxies in them, so deep and mesmerising and decorated with lashes long enough to make you jealous. His dress up, black jacket and jeans, immediately tells you what he is; a gang member.

"You should get home, lady," He speaks in a no nonsense tone, his face cold as ice. But you're offended. "Excuse me? Who are you calling lady? You make it sound like I'm old." You puff your cheeks and cross your arms, trying to appear intimidating. "Besides I had the situation under control, you didn't need to butt in." The man keeps looking at you with that no nonsense look, his features displaying annoyance if you are right and he's clearly not intimidated. The dude on the floor grunts and makes an effort to get up, only to be kicked by your saviour once more. "Hey Mingyu, get him out of here. What was this piece of trash doing here anyway?" The man orders to someone before turning to look at you, "Do you live far?"

"Uh- no, a ten minutes walk from here maybe," you reply unsurely, surprised at his question. The blond haired man nods before grabbing your wrist, "I'll walk you home. Hurry up, lady." You have a feeling he's purposely calling you that and though you start following him out of the bar, you make grunts of protest.

"Oh yeah, why? Trying to find out my address? So you can come later and hurt me like that guy?" You would not be this brazen if it wasn't for the alcohol in your system, after all the man next you isn't a friendly one if the rumours are true. The man raises a brow at you, "Did you do something that requires me to beat you up?" You hiccup at his serious tone. Does he not get a joke? He lets go of your hand now that you're at a safe distance from the bar but still stays close enough to you as your steps are rather stumbling and messy. You aren't fully drunk but your body is tired and feels like will shut down any second.

You really need some sleep.

"You know I'm not that drunk. You don't have to walk me home." You complain. "I'm walking you home because this isn't a nice place you should be alone at night. What happened earlier could happen again." He says not looking at you. "Mhmm," you keep on trudging behind him, "Thank you so much for your kind gesture, sir." You mock him but he doesn't reply, staring straight ahead, completely ignoring you as he walks quietly. In silence you two walk the rest of the path, before finally stopping as your apartment comes into view. At this point it feels like your bones will break and you will plop down on the concrete any second, but you manage to keep standing. "Well, thanks for walking me home." You shift your weight from one foot to another. "And for helping me back there." He shrugs coolly, a bored expression on his face. He's turning to walk away when you call, "Hey- I didn't get your name."

"What do you need it for?" He side glances at you. You shrug, "I don't know. You helped me so I thought it'd be nice to know your name." "You don't need to. Go inside, lady." He says, his tone final and starts marching away. You wait a couple moments before yelling, "Asshole!" and quickly rushing inside your building, partly afraid he's gonna come back.

You won't be surprised if you get killed tonight.

"So you are telling me Choi Seungcheol walked you home?" Katelyn screams in your ear, jolting up from her seat, earning glares from other people at the library in the process. "That's his name?" You whisper-yell, grabbing her hand to pull her back down. "I'm guessing from the blond hair you said," Katelyn shrugs. "Uh huh." You mean back in your chair, "He was hot though."

"Is that seriously all you have to say?" Katelyn whines exasperatedly. "No, I mean, if it wasn't for the way he dresses or talks I would have thought he's a model or something." You murmur.

"Are you sure he didn't hurt you?" Katelyn questions. "Hell no!" You frown. "He saved me from that creepy old dude. I was surprised too. I wish I didn't drink so much, I could have gotten a better look at his face," you sigh. "Seriously?" Katelyn raises a brow at you.

"Girl, you should have seen him. His aura and the way he carried himself was...so hot." You grin to yourself. Katelyn watches you like you've grown two heads. "Are you trying to tell me you have a crush on that gangster?" You smile sheepishly, "Maybe, I mean it's harmless. He was broody yet charming and I'm a girl so.... Also, it's not like he likes me too and is gonna come running whenever I ask him to bang me." You mutter.

"Oh he's gonna break your bones and bang your skull against a wall. That's what he's gonna do."

"Come on! Maybe he isn't so bad. Maybe the rumours are just rumours. Maybe he just looks intimidating and dresses up like that and people thinks he's a gangster." "Really? His name is on every bad thing that happens around here. From illegal racing to murders. Do you know that people say he has killed too?" "Like I said, rumours," you shrug being your stubborn self. Katelyn holds her hands up in surrender, "You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm glad you're alive so let's just put this behind us, shall we?" You don't reply but wiggle your brows at her, a conspirational look on your face. "Oh no, don't look at me like that," Katelyn warns. "Let's go to that bar tonight. Please?" You give her your best puppy eyes. "What are you? Fucking crazy? You wanna get killed?" She whisper-yells, scowling at you. "No. I just wanna take another look at him. Without the alcohol in my system you know. Besides, the place isn't that bad." You reply.

"Well then get killed by yourself. I'm not coming with you."

"I'll help you with your papers for the rest of the semester."

"Shit."

"Well, looks like your wish won't be coming true," Katelyn muses chugging down her fourth glass as you keep playing with your first one. It's nearing an hour since you've come to the bar and there has been no sign of the man you desperately seek. The place is exactly like it was the other day, filled with people who you wouldn't want to mess with.

Yet here you are.

"Let's call it a night," Katelyn sighs. "We're just wasting our time." You know that too but you don't want to leave; not just yet. You are well aware that this is just pathetic but you've this crazy urge to see that man once again. You don't know why you feel this way; you never felt like this before. Why are thinking yourself to death about a complete stranger? Has some kind of spell been casted on you?

"Yeah, let's get going," you murmur half heartedly. You help your friend stand up as she's a little wobbly on her feet and together you make your way through the door. "Should we call a cab?" You ask Katelyn. She shakes her head no and you nod, you arms wrapped around hers to support her in case she looses her balance. You start stepping away from the bar and towards the road to her place until a noise from behind makes you stop in your tracks.

"Did you hear that?" You ask, whipping your head behind. There's no one around and the street is mostly dark other than the light flashing from the name of the bar. You hear the sound once again and this time you can locate where it's coming from. There's an abandoned playground at the back of the bar and you've a feeling that's the source.

Katelyn hisses as she sees you step towards there. "What are you doing!"

"Didn't you hear that?"

"Yes I did. That's why I say we leave!" You ignore her and cautiously keep on stepping forward, mentally cursing yourself for wearing heels. Katelyn follows behind you murmuring all kinds of warnings. "You know curiosity killed the cat, right?" She whispers.

You roll your eyes, "Well I'm not a cat. Just- be quiet. It can be nothing." You both move past the bar gingerly and towards the playground at the back. There are old gallons of oil and abandoned materials just around the corner and you two quickly hide among them. It takes you a while to get adjusted to the low light after you poke your head up from the hiding spot.

You're eyes fix on him immediately. His blond hair makes him easily recognisable amid the darkness. There is a few more people around him, all kicking something in the ground. Not something, but someone. The man lying on the ground groans in pain and you realize this is what you both heard. "Shit," You hear Katelyn curse from beside you. "We need to get going." Instead of replying, you keep your eyes trained on the scene unfolding, holding your breath. You're tranced. Seungcheol lands continuous punched on the guy laying below him and after a moment his writhing frame seems to stop moving as it falls limp.

Fuck.

"You know in movies this is the part where people get caught." Katelyn whispers, her voice hoarse and her hand clutching yours in a tugging motion. "Uh-huh. But I can't seem to move. I wonder if he's... really dead." You whisper back. "Are you fucking crazy!" She hisses. "You wanna witness murder?"

Before you can reply you hear a sound that echoes through the empty field and it takes a second for you two to realise that it came from any one of you two. You don't have the time to figure out who made it as you both are crawling away from the playground without looking back, head crouched low to avoid being seen. You don't know if they heard that or if they're coming behind you, you both just keep scrambling, moving until you're past the corner. As soon as possible you both get on your feet and run like the grim reaper is chasing you, stopping only when you are far enough from the bar.

"I am never listening to you again!" Katelyn yells.

It's been a good few days since your near death experience and you somehow find yourself in front of that bar once again. You and Katelyn have not brought up that incident after that night. You made yourself believe that it was over and came to a conclusion that it is better to forget that man and leave all of it behind, no matter how much your heart disagreed. But it's easier said than done; you may not mention him out loud but in the back of your mind you think of him. He's like a ghost, haunting you all the time, plagueing your thoughts when you go to bed at night. It felt like he was ever existent and there was an itch in your heart that drove you insane.

Maybe that's why your subconscious brought you here, in front of Seventeen's, once again. You were on your way back home from library and you thought you took your usual route, until you realized you were standing in front of that place. But what is even terrifying is that the man haunting your mind stands in front of the entrance of the bar and you blink a few times to make sure you are not hallucinating. He's leaned against the entrance door, cigarette between his lips and from his pocket he fetches a lighter to light the poison in his mouth.

Damn, lighting up a cigarette never looked this sexy.

He hasn't seen you yet and you contemplate running the other way. That's the sensible thing to do but you, not being a sensible person, start walking towards him. Your footsteps make him look up and notice you and like the last time, there is no expression on his face. It's the same bored yet handsome face except now in daylight you can take a better look at him and this time, you notice a little mole on the left of his face, by his nose. Realising he's gonna stay silent you decide to speak, "Hi... It's me... Do you remember me?" Wow. That's such an intelligent thing to ask.

With the monotoned yet serious expression on his face, he goes, "Why won't I? I don't have Alzheimer's."

So he can joke.

You laugh, an awkward, probably exaggerated laugh. "What are you doing here? Did you not learn your lesson last time?" He cuts to the chase, his voice brassy and deep, almost threatening. You want to roll your eyes. "Who are you to say? I can be wherever I want whenever I want, thank you very much." "Well then, have fun getting in trouble like last time." He's nonchalant as he blows a smoke right past you and stands up straight, turning away. "Wait!" You almost grab his hand, desperate to stop him.

What is wrong with you? Your subconscious slaps her forehead. What are you holding him back for? To say 'hello sir, I think you're hot, can you please put your dick inside me'? Seungcheol turns his head back, his eyebrow cocked up.

Why do you find everything about him so attractive?

"Um...I know your name, Seungcheol." You speak, trying to sound intimidating, like knowing his name gives you some power over him. There's something definitely wrong with you which is why you don't want him to leave just yet and which is why you're stalling time. But it seems to have done the job as he pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and turns towards you, an annoyed look on his face. "How do you know that?" The timbre of his tone is deep and it rakes shivers down your spine. "Well, you've built quite a reputation for yourself so it isn't hard to get your name." You shrug coolly. "Well, if you know so much about my reputation, you should know what I'm capable of." His lone is low, almost threating as he starts to take slow steps towards you making you step back out of reflex.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe you will also end up like the curious cat.

"Oh yes, I know. People have got a lot to say about you," you try to sound unfazed, not meeting his eyes that you feel are burning holes on your face. "What are you doing here, lady?" he asks slowly, pausing between each word and glaring at you as he continues to step forward. You can feel his patience thinning.

"I swear to God if you call me that-"

"What are you doing here?" This time his tone is scary, too scary. It makes you lose the ability to speak for a second as his dark gaze bores into you. He has backed you up against the wall behind you and you swallow. Right, what are you doing here? It probably has something to do with a very hot individual and his insanely attractive aura. Scratch that you are a hundred percent sure it has something to do with the blond haired, enticing man in front of you. He's driving you mad and you need to get your fill of him.

"Go out with me," you state and you are sure you've never spoken words more stupid than that. Internally, you cringe and pray that the ground below you would open and take you straight to the fiery pits.

This is the first time you see some sort of expression come across his face; surprise. He looks utterly shocked and somewhat confused. His mouth opens just a little and he squints at you, "What?"

There's no going back now.

"Go out with me. Let's go on three dates." you say once more, looking him in the eye. He seems to appear even more surprised, a dumbstruck look sitting on his face. He observes you quietly for a while and you can feel the gears in his head shifting. You wonder what he's gonna say next. Or maybe he won't say anything but bang your head on the wall and leave you to die alone. "I'm sorry I'm not following," he looks genuinely perplexed. "I want to go on three dates with you. They say after three dates you can figure out whether you like that person or not and I think I like you so..."

I think I like you.

The biggest understatement of the year.

Seungcheol tilts his head, an amused expression on his face as he studies you, those sharp eyes of his settling on yours, "What is your deal, sweetheart?" He crosses his arms, a brow raised. Sweetheart? That's new. And definitely better than lady. You can't deny how hearing him call you that makes your insides melt. "Nothing. I just want to date you," you shrug, trying to keep your wits together. His proximity is driving you wild; you can sniff a faint smell of cologne and cigarette, him being inches away from you. This time he laughs loudly, a mocking laugh you'd say. "Who sent you?"

Oh my god.

You roll your eyes. "Nobody sent me! Do I look like I'm a gang member or something?" "Then I don't see a reason why you'd want to date me," He states, throwing a challenging look at you.

"What if I said I have a thing for bad boys?"

He snorts. "You don't look the type to date bad boys," he mocks. "Who are you to say that?" You cross your arms. "I want to date you because I think you're hot, okay?" You can not believe you just said that. Looks like you don't have control over your mouth anymore. Warmth spreads throughout your face like a forest fire.

Seungcheol narrows his eyes on you, his tongue poking his cheek as he stands in front of you as if trying to read your mind. After a beat he sighs before looking at you, his eyes becoming darker than usual and his gaze unforgiving. "Hey. Does it look like I'm playing house here? Do you have any idea about the shit I do? The dirty work I do? I don't care if you have a fucking fetish or whatever but this is the last time I'm warning you. I don't want to see you around again. If I see you here once more, you're in fucking trouble," he spits and starts stomping away. His tone is serious and you know very well he is not joking, which is why you use your last resort. You're embarrassed at yourself for being so desperate but at the same time you feel shameless. It has almost turned into a game at this point, you want to make him surrender. That's right, you want him to give in. "You shouldn't be like that with me. I saw you, a few days ago. That night, when you and your friends were beating up that guy...in the playground," you casually stroll to come stand right behind him.

You can't believe you are blackmailing a gangster. Your death must be near.

Seungcheol whips his head back, his eyes glaring at you and you can almost see fire in them. Finally, you got his attention.

"My friend also saw it, we both did. You killed him, didn't you? Me and my friend witnessed a murder. What do you say? Should we go to the station?" You can see his jaw clench and you can't hold back a victorious smirk. Moments pass by as your words hang in the air and the tension between you gets thicker. Yet once more he surprises you, breaking the silence with a chuckle, "Well I killed one person, what makes you think I can't take care of another?"

You swallow.

"Well, my friend already knows so if I go missing you can be sure that the cops will come to you first." You throw back at him.

When did you get so wreckless?

Seungcheol stares at you for a few more seconds before shrugging and moving his hand dismissively, "Well then go tell the cops. I don't give a shit." He starts walking back to the bar leaving you starstruck. He stops and turns towards you before opening the door, "Also, I meant it. I hope I don't see you around. Otherwise I may just have to hurt that pretty face."

You don't show up after that.

Mostly because you are embarasssed.

It's been a good while after your last encounter with Seungcheol and you didn't go to the police, obviously. Because you don't have evidence and from what you've heard Seungcheol is pretty influential around here and you don't need to go to an extent to get on his bad side. You're definitely gonna end up dead if you do so, which you don't want just yet.

Classes have just finished and you and Katelyn step out of the classroom together, walking through the hallways and into the main campus. She rambles on about some bad sushi she ate yesterday while your mind remains preoccupied. Maybe you need to get laid. Maybe that'll make you forget about Seungcheol. You just need good dick that's probably why you were so desperate for him.

That's just a stupid lie.

You don't realise Katelyn is calling you until she shakes you by the shoulder and you snap back into reality. You notice her face is as pale as a ghost and following her line of sight your eyes stop on him.

Him. Seungcheol.

What?

You double take, blinking furiously to confirm your vision. He's standing there, in the parking area of your uni, leaned against a convertible Ferrari, a cigarette between his lips. He looks relaxed, like he does this regularly. Students whisper in each others ear while gawking at him curiously. "What did you do!" Katelyn yells. "Nothing!" You hiss back.

"Then why is he here!"

"I don't know!"

Your eyes meet with Seungcheol's and a smirk spreads across his face making you shiver. He stands up straight and tilts his head, an indication for you to come closer to him. "Fuck, he's here for me," you mumble. "Of course he's here for you, dumbass," Katelyn snaps. "Well, if I don't return, you know who killed me." You sigh starting to walk towards him. "Wait- you're going with him?" She asks incredulously.

"Don't worry. I'll keep my phone on. I don't think he's gonna murder me, I mean there are so many witnesses." You inhale deeply, leaving behind a lost looking Katelyn.

Seungcheol says nothing as you stand right in front of him raising an inquisitive brow but he only holds open the door for you to get in. Deciding to follow him you enter the car quietly and a wave of gasps go through the crowd.

There's gonna be talk about this tomorrow.

Seungcheol, still smirking victoriously for some reason rounds the car and gets inside and within seconds you're hitting the road. There's a thick silence for a while, which feels like ages to you. You're overwhelmed, bewildered to say anything; your poor brain still processing what is happening. You're nervous, jittery as you fiddle with you bag and look out on your side, for some reason scared to look at him.

What if he really kills you? He wouldn't, right?

"You're awfully quiet," Seungcheol says matter of factly as he spares you a glance while driving.

"I'm... processing."

"What are you, a robot?"

"Why are you doing this?" You question instead.

"Doing what?"

"Okay, you know very well what I mean. Why are you picking me up from uni all of a sudden? How do you even know I'm a student there?" "I have resources and...you didn't protest at all. You came along nicely," Seungcheol raised a brow at you, a cocky smile on his lips. You don't answer but continue to stare at him, trying to pin him down with your gaze. He finally sighs and pulls the car to a stop by the side of the road, the sudden brake making you slightly jerk in your seat. "I've decided to give you those 3 dates. That's why," He is calm, unreadable and you wonder if this is a prank. Then again, he has no reason to prank you, does he? "Really?" Your voice comes out breathy. "Yes. I thought I'd give you a taste of how it feels to be with someone like me. I can scare people without physically hurting them you know," He says in a menacing tone.

"So what? You're taking me to an underground fight or something?" You question. "Nah, we're keeping it simple today." He smirks as he starts the car again and turns on the radio, an indication that he doesn't want to converse anymore.

Shamelessly you take a good look at Seungcheol; he's dressed in another jacket today paired with a black tee underneath. Today, you notice he has upped his accessory game, his fingers full of rings and chains dangling from his neck. But what catches your attention is a tattoo, something like a dragon and words written in a language you don't understand, peeking from underneath his sleeve. You almost ask about it but decide it'll probably be too much and he wouldn't answer you anyway.

As you do so, in the back of your mind you think you should have dressed better, something cuter, more appropriate for a date rather than a plain blouse and jeans. But then again who knew Choi Seungcheol was gonna show up out of the blue. You're gnawing at your lower lip, lost in your thoughts when the car is pulled to a halt and you realize your ride is over. You're parked in front of a diner called Lacy's and from the vibe that the place is giving, you can tell that this is place where people like him hang out. You raise a questioning brow at Seungcheol who says, "I know it doesn't look fancy but trust me I has some of the best food I've ever eaten." Taking his words for now you quickly type out a text to Katelyn letting her know you're in one piece and get out of the car.

Once you're seated you look around the place which is relatively empty except some men playing pool at the far end. You watch Seungcheol who has gone to the reception booth to place your orders; his posture relaxed as he leans against the counter and talks to the girl standing there. They seem to know each other because their chat takes longer than it should and the girl has a shy, almost flirty smile on her face.

He probably fucks her.

You shake the thought off your head as the gangster comes back and sits in front of you. There's silence for a second as you wonder if you should just ask the questions that run free around your mind. "Are the rumours true?" You blurt out. He's raises a brow.

"About you. You know..."

"Do you want them to be true?" He asks back. "I don't...know," you reply. "Well, I think it depends on each person. If you want it to be true it is true, if you don't it isn't," he shrugs, leaning back in his chair. "Why don't you just give me a straight answer?" you snap. He smirks as if he's having fun but doesn't reply, watching you with his arms crossed. You roll your your eyes, blowing out an exasperated breath. "You know, I haven't seen one like you. Willingly hanging out with dangerous people, going to dangerous places. You say you saw me kill someone yet you're here. You're almost desperate to get in trouble," he observes. "I'm not desperate to get in trouble. I just...I'm just- attracted to you alright?" This is so embarrassing. You need to shut your mouth. "You've been on my mind ever since that night. I wanna see exactly how deep I'm into you." You bite your lip.

That's enough. You will boost his ego through the roof like this.

Seungcheol studies you for a bit before grinning cockily, "Well, if you didn't know, I am trouble baby. Just you being with me might end you up in a mess." Before you can reply, your food is served, that same girl from the booth setting down your plates and looking at Seungcheol for a bit too long with that same stupid smile which he returns. You don't know why but you feel jealous, jealous of whatever these two share, whatever she has with him.

You've lost your mind at this point. You're on a high that is Seungcheol. He has made you forget your morals, made you completely lose your mind. Or maybe you've been too good all your life and seeing him brought out that crazy, thrill seeking part of yourself.

Silently you dig into your food and as Seungcheol said, the food is really good. This is one of the best meatloaf you've ever had and you can't help but moan. Seungcheol watches you with an amused smile before popping a fry in his mouth.

"What's your major?" Seungcheol asks out of the blue.

"Uh- sociology."

"Mmhmm."

You're about to ask him what he studied in college but you assume he probably never went to one so you seal your lips. You wonder what his background is and who his parents are but you don't want to get too personal on the first day. So you ask something else, "How old are you?" He laughs out loud before he deadpans, "Thirty five." "What!" You almost choke.

There's no way he's-

"Why? What did you expect?"

"I... I don't know! A few years older than me? You're kidding right? You don't look thirty five." He has to be bluffing. "And how old would you be?" "You shouldn't ask a woman her age," you try to make a point. "Don't you have any manners?" He smirks,"I don't, sweetheart. To answer your question, I'm twenty eight."

Uh huh.

"Well, I'm twenty one," you mutter under your breath. You don't know if he hears it because he doesn't give any reaction, busy twirling a fry in sauce. The rest of your meal is full of silence as you wonder if your date will end like this; dry and boring. He's awfully silent and seems to be lost in thoughts as he doesn't engage in a conversation. You're about to take your last bite when the silence is broken by him.

"What did you see that night?" He leans over, his elbows resting on the table as he suddenly regards you with a sombre look, his earlier cockiness vanished. His eyes have once again gone dark and his demeanor says he's not being superficial right now. You're caught off guard as you cough loudly, reaching for your glass to take a sip of water. "What?"

"You heard me. What did you see that night? Exactly how much did you see?" He repeats. You're confused. You thought he didn't care about it. He said it didn't matter. So why is he bringing it up now? You've worked hard to push that night in the deepest part of your brain, pretending it didn't happen.

And then suddenly it clicks.

"You!" You point an accusatory finger at him as you catch on to his plan. "You've agreed to go out with me so that you can find out what I saw that night!" Seungcheol groans, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Ugh, just fucking tell me!" He snaps, annoyed that you've found out his little scheme. You scoff, "I thought you said you didn't care? Besides it's not like I'm going to tell the police." He rolls his eyes and leans back into the couch. "Just tell me and let me go."

You're baffled. His actions didn't make any sense and you actually thought he had no other intentions behind dating you but holy shit this sneaky bastard. "You sly little asshole!" You hiss at him. "Call me that once more and you'll regret it." He threatens. You roll your eyes sagging back into your seat, "Whatever." Then an idea hits you. "You know what, I'll tell you exactly how much I saw that night." You have Seungcheol's full attention now as he stares intensely at you, waiting for your next words. "On our third date. When this whole deal is over, I'll tell you. But in return you'll have to keep your promise and take me out on two more dates."

"Oh fucking hell," he groans rubbing his face in frustration. His state makes you smirk and you feel accomplished.

Choi Seungcheol is stressed because of you.

What a day to be alive.

You murmur, "Besides this isn't even a proper date. This was more like an interrogation. But I'll go easy on you and won't make you redo this date." You give him a sweet smile and he sees red. You can literally see fury blaze in his eyes. "Whatever!" He yells and abruptly stands up. "I don't have time for this. Your stupid play date is over. I'm dropping you home."

Before you can reply, he's marching towards the door. You've to admit this wasn't the best date but at least you've trapped Choi Seungcheol.

It has been a good week after your so called date at the diner and you haven't heard from him. You expected him to call or text you since he was gracious enough to ask for your number but he didn't. You now realize it was a mistake to not get his number; you had asked him for his when he took yours but being the prick he is he denied to hand over his number to you. You should have forced him to, you sigh. As you sit in the library the ping of your mobile distracts you from your racing thoughts as you realize you have a message. Picking the device up you tap on the notification. Even though it was from an unknown number, you have no trouble figuring out who it is from. A smile graces your lips as you read the words over again.

I'll pick you up from your house tomorrow evening at six.

That's all it says and that is good enough to send a thrum of excitement throughout your body.

You have not held back in dressing up today and you realize it's been a long time since you've dolled up yourself. A long before the clock strikes 6 you are ready; dressed in a cute pastel top and a matching skirt. You've also went ahead and applied makeup, not too much but just enough to maybe catch his eye. Maybe.

You wonder what he has planned for today.

A text from Seungcheol saying he's here has you flying out of your apartment as fast as your feet can carry your desperate self to see him. He stands in front of your apartment with his convertible, dressed in a white jacket that matched his pants. You take a deep breath before walking towards him, trying to calm all your nerves down.

"You know I expected to hear from you earlier. I've been waiting all week," you voice makes his head turn around to meet your eyes as you are skipping towards him with a teasing smile in your face. "I've been busy," he shrugs coolly, his eyes going over your whole body, from your legs to your face. He doesn't hide that he's taking a good look at you, in fact does it unashamedly.

You wonder if he likes what he sees.

Someone dressed up today," he comments. "Too bad we aren't going to a place where you can show off your pretty clothes." You frown, "Where are we going?" Seungcheol holds open the door, a mischievous smile on his face. "I've decided to grant your wish." With a confused face you get inside the car, the gears in your head running. What does he mean?

"I'm taking you to an underground fighting ring," he says with smirk as he reaches for something behind his seat. He pulls out a large hoodie and tosses it towards you, "Put this on. Otherwise you are going to attract a lot of attention and you don't want that." You gulp, taking the hoodie and putting it on you. You're slightly embarrassed. You were so excited to try this outfit but it's not like you knew he was taking you to a fight club. Hell you would have dressed like a guy if you knew. You shrug on the hoodie and it falls almost to your knees but it's huge and comfy and most importantly it smells like him. There's a hint of cologne, nothing too strong; a subtle, expensive scent that makes you want to take a deeper sniff. You wonder if you can keep this with you.

Stop it, pervert.

Seungcheol's voice pulls you out of your haze, "You can take it off later. Just wear it until we're out of there," he says and brings the engine to life.

Then you actually think about it. Underground fighting ring? Holy shit. You were only kidding when you mentioned it. Admittedly, you're shocked, somewhat horrified. Everyone knows it isn't the best place to be at especially for someone like you who never had such an experience. Seungcheol must have seen your expression because the smile on his face gets bigger, "Why? You not up for it?" His voice is teasing.

He's challenging you.

Oh well.

"Of course I'm up for it," you square your shoulders, keeping your voice cool. "Bring it on."

Seungcheol leads you into a bar and then through a door at the back that leads down to a lot of stairs, reaching a place similar to an underground parking lot. Quietly you follow Seungcheol, staying as close to him as possible, your bodies occasionally touching. He leads you to a pair of double doors and from the other side you can hear men shouting and chanting.

This is it, I guess.

Seungcheol throws one more smile at you before pushing open the doors as you scramble to follow him closely. The sight that greets you something you only see in movies. There's a boxing ring where two people are throwing punches at each other and surrounding them from all sides is a wild, loud and excited crowd. They continue to cheer loudly as the two men in the ring continue to box and you hear their grunts and groans.

Holy shit.

Swallowing your eyes meet Seungcheol's who is regarding you with curiosity. "What do you think?" He has to speak loudly for you to hear over the screaming throng. "Uh... It's loud," you say dumbly as you try to think of a reply. But it's too loud for you to even think properly as you take in your unfamiliar surroundings. You see a tall man approaching towards you and out of reflex you shuffle closer to Seungcheol until you realize it's his friend. The guy from the first night. He and Seungcheol grin at each other, patting their backs as they talk close to each others ears. You gawk at them curiously and realize they must be talking about you because his friend takes curious glances at you occasionally. His friend is tall, really tall and well built but unlike his body his face is sweet and puppy like, almost cute. When he grins his canines pop up just like a puppy and you wonder if all his friends are good looking.

After he's done chatting with his friend Seungcheol pulls you close and says, "This is my friend. Mingyu. Always stay near him, you hear me? Don't stray away unless you wanna get hurt." His eyes are stern as he pins you down with his stare but you have other thoughts running in your head.

"What do you mean? Where are you going?" You yell over the noise.

He just smirks at you and starts taking his jacket off. "About time you see how we do it around here." His tone is cocky as he hands his jacket to you, "Hold this for me. And stay close to him."

Giving a look at Mingyu Seungcheol starts walking away towards a door that you're guessing is the changing room.

He's gonna fight.

"Wait- but-" Mingyu stops you with a hand on your shoulder and offers you a kind smile. "It's fine. Just stay with me." He then ushers you towards the crowd, spotting a place where you can get a good look at the ring. "Do you guys do this often?" You look up at Mingyu. He smiles sheepishly, "Not me. I tried a few times and I always end up beaten to a pulp. But hyung does this often, he's really good."

"Uh huh, I'm sure he is," you smile dryly. "This is your first time watching a fight, no?" "Definitely." He grins, "Watch carefully then. It's really fun."

You have your doubts on how watching people beat each other up can be fun but you don't comment anything, instead chew on your lip anxiously. Seungcheol really didn't have to go this far? What if he gets hurt badly? Is he trying to impress you?

Don't flatter yourself, your subconscious rolls her eyes.

As the loud cheering that had died down ensues again, your train of thoughts are halted as you see Seungcheol in shorts and his hands covered in boxing gloves, step into the ring. You can't help but ogle at his naked torso, his finely defined and chiseled muscles. He has the perfect body, not too bulky, not too lean just the right amount that gives you a hard time taking your eyes off him. He seems to have noticed your gaze because the second your eyes meet, he throws a haughty, knowing smirk at you. Embarrassed you avert your gaze elsewhere.

His opponent is a muscular man who's growling and banging his chest with his fists, a gesture of intimidation, you suppose. You are definitely intimidated and you wonder if Seungcheol can actually win against him.

The fight starts with a whistle and in mere seconds they are on to each other, throwing punches left and right. Your eyes have a hard time keeping up with them and their fast reflexes and your hands fly to your mouth as a punch lands on Seungcheol's face, followed by repeated blows as Seungcheol falls back. There's a moment of silence as he wipes his bottom lip and you realize there's a cut.

He tilts his neck, popping the bones and glaring at the other man before launching himself on top of his opponent. The next moments are a blurry mess, Seungcheol beating the guy repeatedly until he ends up on the floor but he doesn't stop there. Seungcheol ends it with a sharp jab to his spine and you have no doubt the other man has broken bones with the ways he howls in pain. The match comes to an end like that as the people cheer wildly while Seungcheol steps down from the stage. Mingyu grins at you happily as if what you witnessed was just a regular occurrence, something you should be cheerful about. Shaking your head at the situation, you let out a deflated sigh.

Their life is really so different than yours.

Seungcheol seems to be in a very good mood after the fight as he buys you both some sandwiches and drinks from a deli after you both step out of the bar. You both sit down at a park nearby to eat and watch the night sky. "You know, I thought you were gonna lose," you speak after taking a few bites of the sandwich. Seungcheol scoffs, "You underestimate me, sweetheart. I've been doing this for a long time."

"Do you enjoy it?" You ask quietly, focused on peeling the wrapper from your food. You feel Seungcheol's stare on you. "Yes. Why? Are you scared already?"

"No. I was just... curious. Your definition and my definition of fun is totally different." You murmur. "Of course. What did you think? I go to the mall and shop and watch movies with my friends when I'm bored?" His tone is sarcastic. You bite your lip. "No I didn't. It's just...I feels different now that I have experienced it first hand." Seungcheol offers nothing more, taking a sip of his coke and leaning back into the bench. A silence stretches between the both of except the rustling of the wrapper of your food. "How long have you been doing this?" You blurt out. He frowns at you and you don't expect him to answer but he surprises you.

"For a long time."

He doesn't offer anymore and you don't have the heart to prod him for an actual answer. "And how long do you plan on doing this?"

"What?"

"I mean... don't you have any other plans. Like...do you wanna keep doing what you are doing for the rest of your life? Don't you wanna like... settle down maybe?" Your voice is soft as if you are talking to a child. Seungcheol looks annoyed. He doesn't speak for a while as he stares at the ground, a frown etched to his face. You're about to take back your question when he replies, "I really don't think you understand. I've been trying to tell you that my life is completely disparate to yours. So I don't think like you. I don't have plans like you but neither am I expected to follow a certain pattern like you. I can do whatever the fuck I want, ___. So don't look at me like you pity me. I'm the last person here that should be pitied. " His tone is sharp and it makes you feel bad, like a sensation of needles pricking your heart. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry," You whisper, feeling timid as you look down at your lap. He mutters, "Don't go poking your nose in other people's business. Specially people like me."

He's right. You shouldn't have asked that. You are not close enough to ask things like that. After that there is a silence, this time, an awkward one. There's palpable tension in the air and you feel jittery. Should you just ask him to take you home?

It's still early and truth be told, you don't want to leave him just yet. You only have one more date to go and judging by his reaction, he is in no way interested in a relationship. You heave out a long sigh. You knew very well what you were getting into, yet you couldn't stop yourself. Seungcheol is like a poison, the sweetest one, the one that has you addicted and unable to let go, no matter how much it hurts.

This is a fucking mess.

"Let's get going. I have plans," Seungcheol announces, standing up. You want to protest but you feel like you have ruined the mood, so you follow him mutely to his car.

The drive to your house is awfully quiet, to the point you want to scream out of frustration. Seungcheol seems to be lost in his head as he makes no move to talk. It's like you are alone, but you're not and it's worse, the air full of tension. Soon you have reached your house and he stops the car but keeps the engine rolling, indicating his rush. He keeps still and stares ahead while gripping the steering wheel as you step out of the car in silence. "Thanks for dropping me home," you say lamely, your voice meek. You turn around to walk away but his voice stops you in your tracks.

"I promised you three dates and I will keep my word. I expect you to keep yours, ___. I hope you will tell me what I want to hear when we meet next time." His tone is sharp with an edge of threat and you barely get to nod before he drives away.

It's not until you're inside your apartment that you realize you still have his hoodie on. Quickly fishing out your phone you type out a text.

I'm sorry, I forgot to return your hoodie.

After a while, his reply comes.

Keep it.

You watch Katelyn as she fills her lunch tray with food before walking over and taking a seat opposite to you. She looks extra radiant today, which probably has something to do with the way she's dressed; a bright colourful outfit which undoubtedly she put a lot of time into considering. She has a date, with a guy she has been talking to for the last few weeks. It reminds you of your pitiful situation and you sigh, trying to shrug off those thoughts.

It has been a good couple weeks since you last saw Seungcheol and you have not exchanged a word after that night. In the back of your mind you wonder if he is even alive. You want to message him, you really want to because you are going crazy but after how your last date ended, you can't bring yourself to. You are scared, exactly of what, you can't put your finger into.

The entire situation you have put yourself into is fucking scary. They say you become sure of your feelings after three dates but it did not take that much for you. You already are very certain about your feelings for him and how deep they run exactly and you also know that in the end you will be left scarred. He would never be yours. He has probably forgotten about you or decided that it is not worth another date to figure out what you saw that night.

You let a desperate, pitiable sigh.

"I know you are hiding things from me but I understand that you are not ready to talk yet. But I want you to know I am here for you okay?" Katelyn's voice makes you blink your way out of your thoughts. She squeezes your hand tightly and gives you a reassuring smile and you're left feeling guilty.

"I ...I will tell you. Soon. Just give me a bit more time," you whisper. She nods in understanding. A grateful smile touches your lips as her words make you emotional. Then there's a ping from your phone letting you know there's a message. Without giving it much thought you open the device and your eyes go wide.

I'll take you out for dinner tomorrow night. Wear something formal.

You wait outside your apartment for Seungcheol. Your day has passed by in a flurry of excitement and nerves as you carefully picked your outfit and did your hair and makeup. A soft baby pink dress that stopped just above you knees adorns you as your hair rests just above your neck in a loose bun.

You are fiddling with your fingers as you think about how this night is gonna end and wether you will ever see him again when a car screech that grabs your attention.

Seungcheol's convertible has taken a stop in front of you and you see the man getting out the vehicle and take big steps towards you.

You're mesmerized.

Perhaps there is not enough word in this world to describe his looks or perhaps you've simple lost the ability to speak; either way, you just stand and stare, drinking the godly man that stands in front of you. He looks delectable, completely flawless and agonizingly gorgeous in his sharp black suit and pants, with a silk black shirt underneath, the top couple buttons undone that reveals a beautiful porcelain skin. His hairstyle completes the look, parted to one side in a sleek way and showing his forehead and oh god is it sexy. You realize you have a forehead kink, if there is anything as such.

If you weren't in love with him before you are now.

He looks ravishing, and you wonder why it isn't illegal to look this good. It should be because you have completely lost control over yourself. Nothing exists in your world except for him and you feel paralyzed, unable to do anything but drink him in. You wonder if you are even worthy to stand beside him.

"____?" Seungcheol calls you, snapping his fingers in front of your eyes. He must have been calling you while you were eye fucking him. "Oh! Um, hi." You're flustered. "You- you look really, really nice." It isn't enough but it's what you can get past your lips. A knowing smirk kisses his lips before he teases, "Well, you look really, really nice too." Motioning you to his car he says, "Shall we? We'll be late for our reservation."

"Yeah, of course," you say, hurrying over to his car, embarasssed at your foolery. Seungcheol must have noticed you ogling him like that. But you don't really care when he looks like that. It is his fault for looking so devilishly handsome and idly you wonder if he did that on purpose. If he's deliberately teasing with, trying to make you the most miserable before letting you go with a slap of reality to your face. Pushing away those plagueing thoughts, you sit up straight and clear your throat as Seungcheol comes to sit beside you and brings the engine to life.

A decently long and quiet (except for the music from the radio) but not quite uncomfortable car ride later, Seungcheol stops in front of a really fancy and expensive looking restaurant just by the sea. You did not except him to take you to a high end restaurant, otherwise you would have put some more effort in your looks.

Feeling slightly out of place you quietly follow Seungcheol into the beautiful European styled building after he hands his keys to a valet. The interior is dripping with polished furnitures and extravagant chandeliers and marble floors as guests dressed elegantly have their dinner. As you look around the place in awe Seungcheol talks to the receptionist who then guides you towards a staircase that leads to a pair of large double doors decorated with gold which then, opens to a large balcony. In the middle of it sits a table with two chairs and an unceremonious gasp escapes your mouth as you realize this is where you will be having dinner.

The man from earlier takes his leave as Seungcheol helps you sit down before taking a seat for himself while you take in everything, overwhelmed with all your surroundings. Why did he put so much effort for a lousy and fake date?

"What do you think?" He asks with a smirk as he rests one of his elbows on the table.

"I'm overwhelmed," you reply quietly, honestly. He chuckles, "Well this place has really good food and a fantastic view so I thought it wouldn't bad for our last date."

Last date.

"It's really beautiful. I don't know why you did this but thank you, really," you murmur, eyes on the satin table cloth with intricate golden lining. Everything about this place is so pretty.

"Well, I decided it would be beneficial for me to extract words from you if you are wooed," his words have a teasing tone to it and his demeanor is completely different from last time, giving you a whiplash but you are not sure if he's fully joking. Before you can say that you are definitely wooed, a waiter appears to take your order and you leave the duty of ordering to Seungcheol since he seems to frequent this place. Prior to his leave, the waiter pours you Seungcheol's champagne of choice and then, you two are alone once more.

Reaching for the flute, you quickly gulp down the champagne to soothe your dry throat and to calm all your nerves.

Over dinner you talk about your uni and your parents back home and the farm they own. While Seungcheol mostly keeps quiet he doesn't ignore you but listens carefully, occasionally passing glances your way or commenting. He does not offer anything about him, which you expected and you don't ask any questions about him either. Instead you try your best to keep his interest in your words despite the lack of it from his side.

After a hearty meal of poached lobsters and wagyu beefs and creamy soups comes dessert; a chocolate orange mousse with spiced fruits and yogurt sorbet. You start eating your dessert in silence, the occasional crashing of waves filling the complete lack of sounds.

This location is truly magnificent and breathtaking, almost having a feel like you're in a fancy resort in a luxurious tropical island. It is undoubtedly the most beautiful place you have ever been, let alone have dinner at and you wonder if you would ever have the chance to visit some place like this had you not met Seungcheol. The man in question, continues eating quietly, seemingly lost in his thoughts. He looks lovely as always, if not more and you try to burn this image in your mind for you to look back at later. You want to ask him so many question, you want to tell him so many things but you're scared. Sacred if you do so this moment will break, scared it will annoy him and end your final date all too early. So you bite your tongue and finish your food as he does and after your plates are cleared away, you are served another expensive champagne as an end to your luxurious dinner.

Even though Seungcheol doesn't say anything, you assume it is time to spill the beans, to say what he has been wanting to hear from the beginning. You have teased him enough and it is time you give him what he deserves. Taking a deep breath, you open your mouth. "Me and Katelyn heard noises from the playground that night so we decided to check. It was pretty dark and we were tipsy but I recognized you and you were... beating someone up. We stayed there and watched until one of us accidentally made some noise. We were scared that you heard us so we ran. That's all that happened."

You have Seungcheol's full attention now as he listens cautiously, his sharp eyes trained on you. Gulping, you clench your hands together underneath the table, waiting for his reaction. There seems to be an eternity of silence as Seungcheol simply stares at you as if he's debating whether your words are true or not. It's torturous, awfully agonizing and when you can't bear it anymore you're about to speak but he beats you to it.

"I didn't kill him." His voice is quiet. You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding. Somewhere in the back of your mind you believed it, you believed he wouldn't be cruel enough to kill someone just like that and as soon as he speaks those words you believe him, without a doubt, without a second of delay.

"I believe you." You whisper, holding his gaze. "That asshole deserved what he got. He shouldn't even be alive but I let him go. He's in a hospital now, if you are wondering." You nod quietly. It's scary how much you believe him, how much you trust him even though he is pretty much a stranger.

There's a moment of silence as you bask in his presence before he speaks, "____, men like me, we aren't the nicest people. But we are needed, the cops need us around. People like me do the dirty works for people like you so y'all don't face troubles. We do things in an unconventional way but that's just who we are. We aren't as bad as the rumours say but we definitely aren't someone you should be with." You open your mouth to protest but his sharp gaze makes you stop. "If you have not understood it yet, let me say it out loud. I am trouble. People like me is always bad news. Whatever we did until now, I hope you forget. That's the best, ____ trust me. I think we both got what we wanted so let's call it a night." Just like that, he stands up, not waiting for your reply.

You gawk at him, baffled as he pays the bill and starts walking away. Tears burn the back of your eyes and you bite your lip to hold them back. The ending that you had expected has taken place but you are having a hard time accepting it. Your subconscious reminds you that you deliberately got yourself into this even though you saw this coming. So there is no one to blame for it but you. Grabbing your purse, you stomp your way out of the restaurant and towards Seungcheol's car.

Seungcheol barely acknowledges you as you both get in the car and he presses the key to the ignition. You are fuming in your seat, his words and the way he dismissed you cutting you deep. His words come to you, I think we both got what we wanted. You want to laugh. How can he possibly think that? Is he really so stupid or is he deliberately ignoring your interest in him? You want to smack his perfect face, curse and scream at him but all you can do is sit still with your arms crossed as steam comes out of your head. Is he really not curious about your feelings? Does he possess none for you? Does these few days with you mean nothing to him? You have so many unanswered questions. Leaning back into your seat, you close your eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

It feels like in the blink of an eye the drive to your place is over as Seungcheol halts his car in front of your apartment. He does not utter a single word, doesn't even spare a glance at you while patiently waiting for you to get out of the car.

Asshole.

You inhale deeply, trying your best to gather yourself together as you take off your seatbelt and turn towards him.

"Seungcheol?" Few seconds pass before he looks at you. Words are stuck in your throat. When your eyes meet his, you become mute, overwhelmed with emotions as your words die in your tongue. He keeps staring at you, not opening his mouth but waiting for you to speak. "Is this goodbye?" Your voice breaks.

"I believe we don't have any reason to see each other. We both got what we wanted," He says without batting an eye. You're left bemused, one step away from landing a slap on his face. How dare he say that?

"Do you really believe that?" Your words come out as an accusation. "I wanted to go out with you because I thought I have feelings for you! And I do! And my feelings have only increased since I first saw you. I want to see you again, Seungcheol. You may have gotten what you wanted but I didn't." Your fades into a whisper as tears burn the back of your eyes.

Seungcheol stays quiet, staring ahead, his brows knitted as if he's annoyed. "I promised you three dates, ____. And I gave you that. It's over. Your feelings? You'll get over them. It's better to be in pain for a while that be with someone like me."

"You can't say that! I get to decide for myself!"

"____," he sighs, rubbing his temples. "I'm a bad man. You should leave while you still have a good image of me. You'll get hurt because of me and I've caused enough pain to enough people. Just...go. Just forget me." You stare at him as frustrated tears roll down your cheeks. He doesn't meet your gaze but turns his head the other way. You are angry, infuriated and heart broken all at a time. Clenching your fists you inhale a shaky breath before reaching for him.

Before you can chicken out, you tilt his face towards you and quickly press your lips against his. Seungcheol seems to be shocked as a small gasp leaves his mouth but you don't let him push you away. Instead one of your hands come to rest on his thigh as he other cups his face to keep his mouth against yours. You kiss him with all you have left, pouring in every bit of passion and love for him as your tongues intertwine. By the time you are both breathless, Seungcheol gently pushes you back and peers into your eyes. "That's all I can give you, ____." He says, his voice the softest you have heard. You are broken into a million pieces and as much as your heart wants to cling to him, you suddenly feel tired, deflated like a popped balloon. Your emotions have drained you out and left nothing and right now, breathing almost seems too painful for you. Taciturnly, you grab your purse and step out the convertible. You hear another door shut behind you but you don't look back as your heavy steps carry you to the entrance of your building. When you are about to enter your apartment, you accumulate all your strength and courage to spare one final glance at him.

Turning around you see Seungcheol standing by his car, hands in his pockets, simply watching you. Even though your eyes are locked on each other, you don't see any emotion in them. He looks like the same expressionless, mysterious man you saw the first day. The man you fell in love with. Taking in his gorgeous features one last time, you bite your lip and turn away, forcing yourself to walk inside your apartment building.

Your chapter with Seungcheol ends here.

Epilogue

A/N : Okay so idk why this fucking app is being like this but it says I reached the maximum of 250 blocks but I thought tum1r didn't have a word limit?? Anyway so I've decided to break it up and put the rest of the fic in another post. Please click epilogue to read that.

Taglist: @koo-18 @shiningstar-byulxx @pcisonedhaos @happyvitamin @yoongischeeksluv @haluim17 @nayam14 @horanghae-gumanhae @cottonsthings @hotcheetosnorter99 @peekabooseoksoon @acapellaanna @amixoferrthang

#seventeen scoups #scoups imagines #scoups fluff #scoups smut #seventeen #seventeen fic #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fanfic #seventeen au #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt imagines #svt fluff #svt scenarios #seungcheol scenarios #seventeen seungcheol #kpop drabbles #kpop smut

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magicsunwheel · 3 years

Text

Why You're F#cking Amazing

Pick-a-Card

How to play: pick one of the photos below using your intuition. You can close your eyes and meditate for a bit or just take a few grounding breaths while thinking of the topic. Feeling drawn to more than one is fine! You might have messages in more than one pile

Pile 1 (x) Pile 2 (x) Pile 3 (x)

My pile numbers always go from left to right, then down to the text row (if applicable)

Pile 1

Cards: The High Priestess, Five of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, The Moon Rx, Five of Rods, Ace of Pentacles

You are so intuitive! You're either very in touch with your divine feminine or are working your way there right now. Something about you is severe in the most beautiful way. You can take things seriously when they need to and the way you command a room with just your presence is unmatched. Maybe you're also a tarot reader or involved in spirituality/divination in some way. Maybe you really like Pick-a-Cards.

Something beautiful about you is that you never give up on a fight, especially when you know the end is worth it. Your ambition is strong and you will fight for what you love and what you want. You are not weak-willed by any means.

This also makes you so unique! You work so hard and put so much labor into your love even if you know it will take a long time to come to fruition. The times that you feel discouraged by a lack of results are few and far between. If for some reason you do find yourself wistfully hoping for faster results or an easier path, you can easily remind yourself of why you started in the first place.

You might have moments where you think of yourself as sneaky or like you're hiding a part of yourself from others, like your true self would be too much for them. I'm here to tell you that your intensity is exactly what make you such a beautiful person! You thrive in competition and in adversity. It gives you a chance to show off your quick thinking and survival skills. Others look at you with envy of how you can make an opportunity out of seemingly nothing!

If you need help improving your self-love, Spirit says to stop comparing yourself to others! You are amazing and beautiful and unique all on your own! Throwing yourself into the fray to compete against others who are nothing like you will only fim your inner shine. And you really do shine! When I asked for a card about why you are beautiful, nearly half the damn deck flew out!

Sprit loves you and I love you so please take care of yourself and keep making those amazing opportunities to improve your physical surroundings. (I feel like you have a very clean room/home)

Pile 2

Cards: Nine of Rods, the World, King of Cups, Three of Rods, Ace of Rods, Two of Cups

Ahh the Loona pile!

Similar to Pile 1, but much more fiery! You are resilient! Taking time to collect yourself before pushing forward with a renewed sense of energy and purpose is such an amazing and useful trait. You maybe aren't as commanding of a presence but you have such an inner strength that no one can deny.

You got the World for the reason why you're beautiful! Maybe it's related to physically being very beautiful and possibly exotic-looking. You might have very specific features associated with a certain area of the world that stand out where you live. You also have such a wonderful understanding of the world and where it's currently at. Things can seem negative or like hope is lost but you still seek out the beauty and share it with others. You see opportunity where others do not and feel a sense of peace and connectedness with all of humanity. Wow!

Your uniqueness shines in your emotionality and compassion. You might be a natural born leader who makes sure to understand all under your rule. You lead with kindness and, most importantly, by example. You don't have any desire to use you position for ill-gotten gains. Power to you does not corrupt, it solely provides a tool for you to do good in the world and really make a difference in the lives of others, whether it's on a large or small scale. You are probably the kind of person who makes sure to give money to those who need it when you pass a begging mother and her children, or buying a homeless man a bottle of water on a hot day.

Your card for why you think you are not perfect actually came out quite positive. Maybe you don't have a very low self esteem, but I can see a few possible scenarios here. You might be constantly planning in your head, waiting and watching for the next move to take but never actually getting to the action part. Maybe you're planning for your future and have so much planned out that you're excited for, but haven't made the practical plans on how to actually get there. This could make you feel bad about yourself especially on days where you're reminded of others moving ahead in their lives while you're still planning. Visualisation is very important in manifesting your desired reality! If you are moving slower than others around you, remember that it is okay to not be where "everyone else" is. Life is not a race or a competition. Taking your time to get to where you need to be when you need to be there reminds me of the story of the tortoise and the hare. Quick does not necessarily mean better.

You can improve your self-love by creating! Using your creativity and passion to make something! Create art, whether it's physical/digital art, music, writing, inventing, anything that uses those creative muscles of yours. It doesn't have to be good! Just creating something will help burn up that excess energy you have that's trying to rush you somewhere. Self-expression this way can be a wonderful hobby even if you don't consider yourself as a creative person.

Your kindness really shines through. You care so deeply about the people around you and your spiritual team cares just as deeply about you. You are loved and watched over and protected by Spirit. Others around you also see your sparkle and appreciate and admire you, even if they don't show it. Know you are beautiful and amazing and bringing a light into this world that needs to be here.

Pile 3

Cards: Six of Rods, the Hierophant, Four of Rods, Six of Cups, Ten of Swords, the Hermit Rx

Damn, who are y'all!? You've got some mighty power and pull in this world. Maybe you're a public figure or have some kind of platform, like a social media with many followers. You could also be well-recognized within your field of study/work. Whoever you are, people see you and look up to you. They celebrate you and how amazing you are! Spirit loves this about you and you really shine in the spotlight. Your achievements deserve all this pomp and celebration!

You are naturally authoritative. People listen when you speak and take your words to heart. You might also be a religious person or someone who enjoys organization and the comfort of hierarchy. People will willingly follow you wherever you lead them because they trust you with all their hearts. "A merciful ruler" (lol) You hold your position with grace and dignity befitting a king or queen.

You are unique in ways the public recognizes, but we knew that already! You might be someone who likes to entertain and you throw the greatest parties and get-togethers. Maybe you've planned a wedding and everyone had such an amazing time! You know how to relax and have fun when the time for celebrating arrives. You can out down your guard and bit and let loose. Not many people with such responsibility can let go of the reigns like that, but you don't seem to hold on to control too tightly.

Your past might be a source of anxiety for you. Maybe you're worried that what you've done when you were younger will catch up to you and ruin what you've got going on now, but it's important to remember that the past is the past. It cannot be undone or wished away. Taking time to accept what happened and recognizing that you've moved on to bigger and better things is important here. Whatever happened, take time to heal your childhood wounds and forgive past actions.

Ending this cycle will bring much more self-love to your life. Old habits and patterns being out to rest is the way forward. It might be a painful ending and something you don't necessarily look forward to, but it is something that needs to happen to clear out old energy and welcome in everything new. You can't expect to move on if you're still repeating old actions or ways of thinking. It's time to set these things to rest and evolve. Leave behind what no longer serves you.

Your understanding of yourself knows no bounds. You've taken the time to inquisit yourself and learn all of the shadows that lie there. Self-reflection might be a favored pastime for you. Through this knowledge of yourself you are able to see truths that many struggle to see all their lives. Your light can cut through the fog if bullshit and see the true source of something. Use this knowledge of yourself to become the best version of yourself that you can be! I know you're already on your way there and it's amazing to see! Spirit is so proud of you and loves you so much!

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