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inkskinned · 2 years

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it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

#pretty in this post is a stand in for . literally all forms of normativity #warm up #tbd maybe idk #ps! hi!! i'm queer!!!!!!!!! it is how i identify! if you tag this 'q slur' i will fight you!!!#i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person!#this is EXACTLY how people reclaim it !!!#it's like practically ACADEMIC in this usage!!#please do any reading into what the fuck the history of the word ''queer'' is before telling me #as someone identifying as queer #that i'm a slur. that the place i find comfort in is a slur #''well it makes me uncomfortable if people use it for me''#im sorry to hear that dude. that sucks. i hope things get easier for you soon #but you don't get to take it from ME #in case you can't tell by the REST of this piece #i DID hear queer used as slur against me. i DID get bullied with it. i DID hear a lot of shit said #i also heard it about lesbians #about ''being gay''#about pretty much any fucking term that could describe me.#i like queer. i like how it feels. and it's mine.#you don't get to undo the work i've done personally because it makes u uncomfortable #it's ahistoric to pretend like there are ''safe'' ways to identitfy if ur queer.#none exist. it has never been safe to be like this.

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twinstxrs · 3 months

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in light of recent canon academic conversations, riz adaine gorgug study sessions have never been more real to me. gorgug helps riz + adaine get out of their own heads when they’re overworking themselves, riz + adaine help gorgug with alternative studying methods because he learns best through visuals + experience. fabian’s there occasionally when he has a particularly difficult assignment/test but he makes them all swear never to speak of it in order to protect his “image.” kristen has shown up exactly twice: once for advice on a group project that was two months overdue & once to just lay on the floor and relax for an hour before leaving. fig didn’t know the study sessions were happening until sophomore year & now keeps getting monthly bans because every time she shows up she ends up accidentally distracting riz + adaine. also, sometimes after/in the middle of really long study sessions riz adaine & gorgug go to basrar’s together to unwind but fabian kristen & fig Are Not Invited (they do still text to ask if anyone wants something brought back from basrar’s. they’re not heartless, after all).

#anyways that’s the post. study trio u r real in my heart #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #gorgug thistlespring #adaine abernant #riz gukgak #fabian seacaster #kristen applebees #fig faeth #the bad kids #riz adaine gorgug trio who actually care about academics u r so dear to me. only bad kids who regularly do homework #adaine & riz both ‘ditch’ but adaine asks for her coursework beforehand + riz is usually getting rogue extra credit for sneaking out #gorgug has never ditched school in his life except for Urgent World Saving. he was doing his hw on the sig figs tour bus <3 #i’m convinced fabian also cares to a degree but not enough to genuinely try hard. except out of spite. hence the study session visits #fabian both regularly cheats on homework & thinks getting a hard assignment & not doing well is ‘losing’#kristen has probs had a gradual academic falloff through high school due to just the amount of stuff that happened in her life.#like who has the mental energy to care about school when Literally Everything Else was going on… me too kristen me too #i think middle school fig didn’t care about school but still showed up + tried but immediately stopped giving a shit once her horns came in #& so here we are… anyways bad kids i love you

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lesbianredhoodedmercenary · 11 months

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happy father's day i'm thinking about this outis line again

I always thought it was a bit out of pocket considering this isn't too long after the events of Canto III, even with how Outis was being harsher this Canto.

But I then I remembered that Outis' son is the same age as Sinclair.

Her son, who thinks that she died in the Smoke War (the in universe equivalent to the Trojan War as depicted in the Iliad and the Odyssey) because she hasn't been home in years. Her son who cannot cry out to her. And her son, who is currently in much the same position as Sinclair regarding his self-perception and ability to fight, as Telemachus refers to himself as "a weakling knowing nothing of valor" (Book 2 of the Odyssey, line number and exact wording depend on translation).

I think this line reflects more on Outis and her anxieties about her family thinking that she's dead, as well as a reference to Telemachus experiencing his own journey to manhood, much like Sinclair.

I think there's also things to be said for the parallels between Sinclair and Telemachus, even just the ones imagined by Outis. Hell's Chicken had her showing a very paternal worry over his diet (raise your hand if your dad has ever said you'll be short forever if you don't eat right). Overall, even though Sinclair and Telemachus only share the bones of a coming of age narrative, Outis is seeing connections there because she misses her family.

As with this one. Again, she's showing her hand more than she means to. Though she's talking to Dongrang, I think she's also talking to herself. Trying to reassure herself that home will always be waiting. Dongrang, however, decides not to return, but to pursue glory no matter who he hurts in the process. The Odyssey also contrasts the pursuit of glory with the desire to return home. Odysseus has to choose humility in order to return.

Outis has been keeping up a careful persona around us, but it's slipping. Her desire to return home is seeping through even as she tries to assert herself by clinging to the glory from a war that's long since ended.

#limbus company #outis lcb #outis makes me insane i need to bite something #outis is canto 11 going by release order... that's so far away #penelope and telemachus i need to think about them and see them #rotating them in my mind every day #and. i can't unpack homeric ideals of masculinity with how the odyssey treats telemachus' coming of age and #how that's going to influence outis' writing and how she treats sinclair. because that would take way too long #but y'know #that's another post. and that's also a post about gender. like. i can see the title now #Homeric Masculinity. Butchness. and The Meaning of Manhood: a Closer Look at Outis' Gender in Limbus Company #i title my shit like academic articles do not @ me #like. i know gender isn't really a factor in the city. but from a meta-textual level i think it's interesting and i'm a butch lesbian so #also this is a scheduled post. i am scheduling it for fathers day because i would not remember otherwise. so hi from the past

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clannfearrunt · 2 years

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btw, any update on shiver's japanese personal pronouns now that the full game is out? theres a tweet going around saying she uses both uchi and onore and that it's a feminine+masculine combo, i wanted to double check and see if that is actually the case or if onore is a common pronoun for women to use? people are getting really militant abt this for no reason (unsurprisingly)

I think I've seen that tweet, yeah, and it's wrong.

So to start this off so everyone knows what’s up: I’m a native Japanese speaker, and I’m nonbinary myself. I’m approaching this topic as someone who WOULD LOVE to have canon, intended, Cisn’t rep here.

However, the situation in regards to Shiver is just a misunderstanding of the... complexities and nuance (?) that comes with the myriad of ways people can refer to themself in Japanese, and there’s actually nothing being censored by NoA when they confirmed that she is intended to be female. As of me writing this (September 17th 2022), there has been no content in the Japanese dialogue that ever suggests that Shiver might be intended to be nonbinary or otherwise some flavor of Not Female.

Before I even get into pronouns I gotta point out that her Japanese name is Fuuka, which is a regular ass girl's name in real life (albeit it's also being used as a shark pun). I think that if they were going to put a canon nonbinary character in Splatoon they're going to be more obvious about it.

Anyhow, with regards to The Question: the instance that Shiver uses "onore" is actually in the Rock Paper Scissors splatfest dialogue, right here:

おのれの魂をコブシに宿し、天につき出すその姿... 勝者のポーズゆうたらコレや！

I always have a hard time doing my own translations because my brain gets caught up on a million different things, but one way I'd write this to try to get across how she's using "onore" as is this:

"Placing one’s soul into one’s fist, raising it towards the heavens... That's the pose of victory!"

It's true that "Onore" has seen some historical use as a personal pronoun, but it's an archaic kind of usage in standard Japanese. It's not actually necessarily masculine either. Now, it does still see relatively common usage in various dialects in western regions, but mostly in the second person. I don't think I've ever heard "Onore" being used as a personal pronoun in the way you'd use stuff like "Watashi" or "Boku" (which is the kind of usage it's being confused with in that tweet) these days, even when writing fictional character dialogue.

That's irrelevant here, however, because that's not how it's being used here! It's being used to refer to a generalized "self" for theatrical effect, and not even as a personal identifier really. I'd say in this case a similar comparison in English would be "oneself" - kinda formal, depending on how you use it it might also be including the speaker, but not explicitly Just The Speaker. Does that make sense?

The like... connotations and perceptions surrounding how one chooses to refer to themself in Japanese is really complicated and context dependent and I DO understand how it might be easy to get confused! I can also see how people learning Japanese as a second language might have extra trouble with Shiver's dialogue in general since she speaks in the Kyoto dialect instead of standard Japanese. Shit's hard! Anyways unfortunately this has been once again a misunderstanding sorry everyone. We can do other things in headcanons, but we can't be going after people or the translators for this.

...

On the subject of personal pronouns though FRYE uses "washi" which has been fun because that is not something typically used by young people! In dialects where it's still common for young people to use "Washi", it tends to be more commonly used by guys, but the more common association is with Old People. Frye in general just speaks like a stereotypical Old Person though I love her she's great. Where's the fucking Frye crowd at

#asks #theyrezi #splatoon 3 #splatoon #Shiver splatoon #Deep Cut #i had an hour long discussion with my mom mulling over how complicated and nuanced this shit is and how we kinda take it for granted #bc we have an intuitive understanding of The Connotations... but how do you explain that to people outside of our culture and language?#shit's hard! i aint a linguist! i don't have all the academic tools to ''properly'' dissect and communicate this shit #i keep trying to backpedal to downplay the nuance of The Pronouns Shit but every time i try 2 actually explain it i Remember #Squid 2 the evolution of the squid #dedcourse 2

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tequiilasunriise · 10 months

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Annabel Lee & Fears: A Short Essay Based On Ep70

Here it is, folks, the truest crux of Annabel’s character, her deepest fears is not going mad or even people discovering she’s not as put together as she tries to appear, but rather:

Was that gambit of constant scheming and using others worth it, Annabel? Was always trying to think ten steps ahead and always keep yourself in a position of power and control truly worth it, because how can you ever be trusted when all you do is play 5D chess with everyone?

There is is, folks!!! Just like her greatest strength- her cunning willpower- is centered around a certain bright moon, Annabel’s greatest fear is rooted in Lenore. The deepest, darkest trenches of her soul, the one thing that would shatter her heart and send her lungs choking fer breath? The killing blow that would end her and make all these charades worthless? It’s Lenore seeing her constant conniving and asking Annabel, “Why would I be any different? You already have no problem using everyone else as a pawn, how could I ever possibly trust you, Annabel Lee?”

The way Annabel is SUCH a great morally grey character, y’all tell me you love hot villains yet many a time I’ve seen people calling Annabel too heartless. She’s the opposite! She cares!! SO MUCH!!! She would burn the world down if it meant kissing Lenore one last time, to the point where her deepest fear is losing Lenore in the process of trying to protect her. All Annabel knows is using manipulation to gain the upper hand because simply being born a woman in the Victorian era she was so throughly disadvantaged by such a horribly misogynistic society that girlypop had to scrape together any form of control she could. Annabel wants so badly to protect Lenore but all she knows are her own methods of protecting herself, which involves plausibility deniability and facades and sometimes sheer cruelty, and that’s where the conflict arises. From the start Annabel assumed Lenore and her had the same understanding of this ‘fake enemies’ ploy going on but surprise surprise babygirl, not everyone is overthinking four parallel universes ahead like you do. This boils over into her lover having doubts on what’s real and what’s not, which then culminates into Lenore asking if Annabel is using her affections as empty currency to get what she wants, and Annabel’s first move to tell Lenore to fucken kill her????

“To you alone, I have left myself completely defenseless.”

The drama of it all!! The shattered facade leading to exploding vulnerability of it all!! The dim sun sparking out into a heat death just to prove her sincerity of it all!!! The exposed innermost organs ripping out my heart with my bare hands and begging you, “Do you see it now? Do you see the way it beats for you and only you? Tell me you see it, tell me you see me…” of it all!!

Oh baby the way Annabel still retains this deep fear of Lenore not truly believing in the “only thing that’s real” to her, the way her lover’s ghost still lingers and haunts her and is then ripped up from her innermost psyche like a desecrated grave and given form by Ada’s power. The way, after all this time- and I mean all this time from Lenore’s constructed resurrection, to their relationship blossoming into a wedding, all the fucking way up to that bell tower scene, the fucken way Annabel still never truly let go of her fear that Lenore doesn’t see her, doesn’t see how she alone bashed through all of Annabel’s walls and made a home where her heart laid. I’m sure during their living relationship all the way until the wedding Annabel’s fears were greatly settled, but it’s the fucken way these panels implied that this wretched heartache never completely left Annabel’s guilt-wracked soul.

I just know, okay I just KNOW, that even up until she was putting her wedding dress on Annabel still questioned if she even deserved this happy ending because she still feel phantoms of guilt fer this betrayal. This comic only furthers this implication of unabsolved guilt when it’s made clear as day that Annabel’s biggest fear is Lenore not believing in her love. And before anyone argues how Annabel can currently feel guilt fer betraying Lenore when she hasn’t recovered the memory yet, I’ll argue back that from the very beginning of the comic these two were inexplicably drawn to each other even when they had NO memories. Therefore, even if she doesn’t have the explicit memory, I highly doubt Annabel’s subconscious would ever let go of something as huge as deeply hurting the one person she truly cared about in such a wretched way.

Fuck, dude, I mean Annabel’s greatest fear wasn’t even Lenore dying- which was already a huge thing if y’all remember her tearstreaked, panicked, “What is left? If she’s not here, what’s the point?”- no her greatest is Lenore!!! Not!!! Believing!! Her!!! Like yeah losing Lenore physically definitely would’ve cut so deep even her bones would bear the scars, but losing Lenore in the form of the other woman walking the same ground as her but choosing to stay away?? Call her fucking selfish because some people would rather have their other half still be alive even if they’re not by their side, but Annabel ain’t one of them that’s fer sure. Babygirl has spent a lifetime perfecting the craft of deceiving others fer her own gain, but the ONE TIME she’s genuine her heart is to be called nothing more but empty??? Oh babbyyy that’s gotta fucken hurt.

The thing is, I don’t think Annabel really loves herself all that much. I really don’t. A huge focus on self-preservation doesn’t necessarily mean one really loves themselves, and when we add the aforementioned guilt she carries? Plus, the fact that Annabel being forced to swallow down her anxiety attacks from a young age could easily lead to her having a rather sour view of her 'not normal' self? Yeah no yeah, I truly don’t think Annabel loves herself that much, if at all. So really, this line is adding immense insult to already grievous injury. Not only does Annabel deeply fear Lenore not believing her affections to be true, she also fears the New Yorker misconstruing her as nothing more but a shallow as hell, prissy, little pampered damsel, a role pretty much everyone else regulates her into whether she wants it or not (right from the beginning, before she even set her schemes in full effect, Annabel was already explaining, “Ada wanted a queen, so I gave her one”). Lenore, the only one Annabel had believed to ever really see her fer her, is now discrediting Annabel’s vulnerable affections AND seeing her as that unloving ice queen like everyone else?? Horrible terrible horrible!!! She may have a ribbon threatening to strangle her right now, but it’s clear that ghost!Lenore’s words are what truly cut her down to size. Y’all seeing that fucken pain in Annabel’s eyes? Her worst fear is just so… personal.

Which actually leads me to my next point, which is how just before Annabel’s worst fear is revealed in stark, horrifying detail, we see Prospero’s. Lemme just preface this by saying what Prospero went through is n o t any less terrible and is a super fucken mega valid fear/trauma, but let me cook y’all just hear me out. Prospero’s fear seems to be about medical malpractice and/or being conscious during a painful operation that likely went south (aka ‘oh shiiitttt he fucken DEAD-‘), and that’s fucking tragic as all hell. Yet, okay let me cook here, it’s more… I don’t want to say general, because that does NOT mean his fear is any less significant but it’s like. Way back when, death via medical bullshit was more or less fairly common, especially during wartimes (which is the era I headcanon Prospero to be from); meanwhile, Annabel’s fear is so uniquely hers, it’s borne of a culmination of specific experiences tied together by her relationship with Lenore.

By contrast of a more common fear vs something so deeply personal and specific to this one person- because it’s not just unrequited love, it’s being so vehemently denied and misunderstood by the ONE (1!) person who you wholeheartedly trusted in your entire life who also oops mega died on you- this distinction gives way to an almost more raw, more visceral feeling to Annabel’s fear sequence. Again!!! I am not undermining Prospero’s own trauma, I promise!!! But you have to admit that there’s something, from a narrative standpoint, that hits so much harder with how deeply personal Annabel’s fear is. The contrast is even more great when you look at how Prospero’s involved a buncha bloodied hands not really tied to any faces or even any indication of personhood like accessories, scars, etc etc. It could’ve been a group of anyone holding him down hurting him; on the flipside, Annabel is being restrained by one very specific person we see in full view. The faceless crowd who could’ve been anyone at anytime vs the lone perpetrator whose history you know like a second name. It’s just!!! So personal!!!

In conclusion, on the surface level, one would think a character so deeply ingrained in using deceptions and manipulation would have her greatest fear tie into having her true nature revealed to everyone she’d fooled, but then it turns out it’s the complete fucking opposite. What homegirl fears the most is her truest, innermost self not being believed and accepted by just one (1!) person. The way it’s framed is just so heartstabbingly personal, especially when you parallel it to a previous fear sequence just a few panels preceding it. This is it, your honor, this is Annabel’s deepest driving force broken down to its bare essentials. To hell with whatever reputation she’s carefully crafted! Who cares what anyone else thinks of her if she doesn’t believe her, if she doesn’t SEE her. Really, truly see her. Lenore is the defining point that Annabel has revolves around so wholeheartedly, and there’s no point to anything anymore if Annabel loses her. This crux of her character, OHHH BBAAABBYY it’s just so well done because we, as the audience, have been given clear evidence to build up this narrative of Annabel’s characterization fer so long now and to finally see it come together in a fiery explosion of lesbian angst with this latest chapter??? Gods, the writing of Nevermore will never not drive me absolutely insane in the membrane.

#if yall think this essay went crazy i need yall to kmow i once wrote a legit MLA cited college research paper about mf Bumbleby #and I got a high grade and everything yall heard me it was 12 pt new times roman and had literal academic sources to back up my points #i had to cut it down from 15 pages to like 10 bc of a max word count my prof set it was so sad #so yeahhhhhhh your girl may or may not just go crazy on the fictional analysis #which makes sense when u know that imma character-driven writer #anyways in conclusion i be clocking in to fight fer annabel as an amazingly written character like its a 9-5 job #to all the ppl who doubted her how yall feeling rn hmmmmmmm #annabel lee whitlock ur just so much fun to dissect like a lesbian lab project #nevermore webtoon #white raven #annabel lee whitlock #lenore vandernacht #prospero nevermore #<—i swear i care fer the rat man guys i rlly rlly do #but man. the way annabel’s shit was just to personal. it rlly got me okay???

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immediatebreakfast · 7 months

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One thing that I do have to ask (regarding of course that most of these academic discussions, interpretations, and analysis have put more thought into this than me, along with not spreading an anti-intellectualism sentiment) about Lucy, and her themes related to her gender, her metaphors, and her literal and symbolic death is:

Why do everytime I search about Lucy's death, and transformation into a vampire, the only responses that I seem to get are all about sexy sex, sexual liberation, "feminist" slut shaming, and stuff about modernism with a weird sexual twist?

I'm sorry if I sound pedantic, but how can anyone read about Lucy's suffering, illness, then death (that is textual in the novel), and get that the conclusion is somehow that Lucy is now sexually liberated from those icky victorian rules thank to Dracula.

You know... the same vampire who put her through hell until he killed her.

Nuance is everything with these analysis, and the themes that are laid out in the novel have enough dept to cover a lot of interpretations, yet I can't shake the idea that the only way someone can reach the "she is allowed to be a sexually liberated slut now!!!" idea with Lucy is by willfuly misintrepeting the actual written text to fit their reading of it.

Are Dracula's attacks to Lucy sexual in nature? Yes, he is an older man preying on a younger woman, and taking advantage of her chronic illness to inflict his power upon her, then leaving behind only pain and confusion. Are these attacks insinuated to somehow be good for Lucy? Absolutely not, the text is clear in Lucy's suffering, and how she grows weaker by the day thanks to Dracula's constant assaults.

The text even remarks that Lucy is finally happier when Van Helsing and Seward are by her side protecting her, and giving her the means to recover from these attacks.

It's like these reads don't consider Lucy's character traits, nor her words about her own situation. She has never expressed any type of disatisfaction with her love life, nor her fiaance, nor the romance around her. One could even argue that Lucy is the most "innocent" character regarding that theme in the novel despite her being very eager to marry Arthur.

Wouldn't be better to argue about the actual liberation that Lucy goes through in the text? The death of Mrs. Westenra symbolizes Lucy's final step into becoming an adult.

Lucy has been treated like a child by her mother despite being ready for marriage. It has been implied that Lucy even holds resentment towards her mother for it, and still acts like the perfect daughter. Which means that Lucy has never been allowed to put in practice all of the education that goes into becoming the lady of the house.

And what happens when her mother dies in the most gruesome way, and Lucy realizes that she is all alone, and that the power has shifted to her? She immediately does all of the steps to calm everyone down, to order what to do, and to write what actually happened so no one gets blamed for the atrocities of Dracula.

That is the liberating moment that Lucy goes through which finally allows her to grow. Even if it was short, it was a moment that mattered to conclude Lucy's arc.

Lucy sadly died, but her death is one transformed, a wiser Lucy dies. What is left is not her.

#Not everything is about sex in this novel #Except the Harkers that are going freak nasty as we speak #But aren't these academics tired of repeating the same shit at eachother?#Can't one of them go ''alright... what else do you have?''#dracula daily #dracula #lucy westenra

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