#someone remind me later to make a tutorial tag

[maple-writes]

WHG 20 - The Big Day

I thought of making a cool title for this but ultimately was not creative enough so standard titles it is lol

whg tag list: @concealeddarkness13 @ratracechronicler @pen-of-roses @grailfish @forthesanityofsome @pied-piper-of-hamlet (let me know if I forgot anyone!)

--

Technically the day of the reaping was supposed to be a holiday, a day off, but here I was at my office anyway. It was still so, strange, that it was my office. That my name was written on the slip of paper lodged in the sign just above the room number. Asher Sang. It was tiny, just big enough for a desk, a couple chairs, and a shelf and there were no windows but it had my name on it all the same.

I unlocked the door, leaving it open behind me for when the student I would be meeting showed up. We wouldn’t likely end up staying long, probably walking together towards the reaping depending on how much she had to talk to me about. I had a few minutes before she was supposed to be here so I quickly took my vitamins with the last of my peanut butter smoothie.

Most years I wouldn’t have agreed to meet someone on the day of the reaping, but this year it wasn’t like I was leaving anyone alone at home. Argent was over with Striker and Kyra, and Ember wasn’t even in the district after her ship was delayed returning from their last fishing run. I hadn’t thought until now what would happen if her name was called. Would they send a craft out to sea to go and pick her up? Or would they quietly remove her name as to not embarrass themselves calling someone who wasn’t even there?

Footsteps echoed in the empty hallway outside and a moment later the student, Nova, poked her head through the door.

I smiled, waving her in. “Come on in.” I nodded at the chair across from my empty desk.

She nodded and stepped into the room. Usually when I saw her in classes she rarely wore anything other than jeans and a hoodie with the logo of some obscure band but today she wore a bright dress and dress shoes she didn’t seem to like walking in. A reminder of what day it was even if nothing seemed out of the ordinary in my quiet office. Did she have anyone she was leaving alone today? Hopefully she wasn’t giving up a morning together with her family, and hopefully if she were it wouldn’t be her last morning in the district.

“What can I help you with?” She hadn’t mentioned many details of what was going on, just that it was potentially urgent.

“Well, and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid but I forgot to properly get everything wrapped up at the end of last week’s tutorial because I was rushing to make an appointment, and I’m worried I’ve picked something up from it.” She rolled up her sleeve to show a small, mostly faded mark of red and irritated skin. “I know I should have been more careful, but, do you think I should be worried about being cursed or something?”

Last week we were working on communication, and techniques to safely open yourself up in order to make contact with a spirit to determine what they would need to move on. I gently took her arm, looking over the red spots. If Nova hadn’t fully shut herself off again from outside influence something might have tried to get at her without her noticing, but whatever tried it looked like it hadn’t been strong enough to get through enough to take hold. The marks looked like they were already fading.

I let go of her wrist and leaned back in my chair. “It looks like you’ll be fine. You haven’t noticed anything else going on have you?” She shook her head and I offered a smile. “That’s good. Hard to say for sure but something might have tried to get to you while you were more vulnerable but either was too weak, or even if you had rushed through the closing process it was enough to deter it. Try not to do that again, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. If you do notice anything unusual don’t hesitate to le me know.”

She sighed, slumping a little bit in relief. “Sorry to make you come in for nothing.”

I shrugged. “Well, you didn’t know whether or not it was nothing. Better safe than sorry.” I glanced at the clock and stood. We’d have to be heading out soon if we were going to make the reaping, and I didn’t want to find out what happened to people who didn’t make it on time. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re not the first and you probably won’t be the last to make a mistake like that. I’m glad you came and checked with me instead of waiting to see if it would get worse.”

Her eyes flicked to the clock as well and got up too. “Thanks, and I’ll let you know if anything happens.” She slipped out as I held the door for her. “And I’ll pay more attention next time too.”

I nodded as I locked the office door and turned back to her. It was strange, only the two of us in sight. The below ground floor my office was one didn’t tend to have a lot of traffic but there would usually be some signs of life on any other day. Even the lights today seemed dimmer than usual.

“Have you got anyone waiting for you at the reaping?” My voice echoed through the quiet halls as we walked together towards the exit.

She nodded. “My family’s waiting outside for me.”

“That’s good.” I swallowed as we reached the doors, and a young child standing with a family group by the stairs of the college waved up at Nova. “Good luck today Nova.”

Nova paused for a solemn moment. “Thanks, you too.”

She left for her family and I left for the plaza. We both knew there was a non-zero chance that either of us could be called. Anyone could this year. The Capitol had only announced it last week, the changes to the pool of potential tributes. They hadn’t given much of a reason why and it had seldom been ignored in conversations since.

That meant that this year it could be him, but what were the odds of that? Small, but not zero. What if Striker was called? Or Kyra? I swallowed and lowered my head to watch the ground as I walked. Did I even want to think about that, when it might not happen? If it did though, I’d have to volunteer. I couldn’t let either of them go up there when they’d done so much for me, so much more than I could ever hope to repay them for. Would Argent’s name be in there this year too?

I shook myself out and took a long breath. Odds were that nothing would happen. We would all stand in the plaza and listen to speeches and mourn those who left and go back to our lives for another year. Probably.

#whg 20 #asher sang #big day #not a whole lot going on in this one #slow start due to not being used to writing Asher for a while lol

[mumblesplash]

okay this has no relevance to anything but im fixating on it right now: how the HELL does any artist do clothing folds and creases. do they just put those things wherever they feel like and hope it looks right? do clothes crinkle in a consistent pattern i have yet to notice? this has baffled me for years

well as with a lot of art things the Correct answer is ‘observe, practice, do photo studies’ but you know full well i don’t do that. i am consequently not The Greatest at clothing folds, but i HAVE spent a greater than average proportion of my life thinking about how cloth moves, so i have some thoughts and can elaborate a bit. however my most useful advice probably boils down to ‘if you get stumped try to find an artist that did something similar to what you’re going for and try to emulate their style’

again, i’m not claiming to be an expert here, but speaking for myself the short answer to your question is ‘i mentally simulate the material i’m drawing and approximate the effect of the movement i’m imagining on the folds of the cloth’. the cool thing is that different types of fabric move differently, and you need to account for that when drawing it. i can already tell i’m not going to be able to put this into words very well, so i’ll include a bunch of examples like i did with the shoe tutorial

obviously stretchy, tight clothes are the easiest (think leggings, superhero costumes, etc) but second place probably goes to well-fitted button-ups and slacks with little to no stretch in them. with this cloth it’s just a matter of figuring out points of tension and moving out from there

these types of clothes are basically just 2 dimensional planes cut into specific shapes and manipulated through the third dimension. all you have to account for in figuring out how they fold is gravity and the position of the person wearing them, and you don’t really have to conceptualize them with any thickness or stretch.

looser fitting things like tunics and dresses are harder, but you still don’t have to account for stretch or thickness most of the time. zoe’s dress here, for example: it’s structured and folds almost geometrically when she moves, with lots of thin straight lines. (also you can see here how i really am sorta making things up, all the lines i’ve made are just suggesting folds and movement, nothing too exact)

because you now have more environmental factors to account for flowier cloth can be tricky, but if you get good instincts for how it moves it’s really good for communicating dynamic action, like how here the wind is plastering his tunic to the front of him and billowing it out behind him:

this drawing is actually a pretty good example of several different types of clothes. jason’s shirt is form-fitting and has stretch, it barely folds at all. his pants aren’t as tight, the fabric in those folds according to the way he moves, but the fabric still doesn’t have much thickness to it. his jacket has no significant stretch to it, but it’s both thick and soft, so on someone with a frame too small to properly fit it bunches up with a lot of softer shapes and almost ‘loops’ at joints, and the little girl’s dress has a lot of fabric to it but is just draping, because she’s not really moving much here

the same leather jacket on jason has a lot less drape to it and is honestly way easier to draw lmao

a good thing to remember with this is if you have a more abstract/cartoonish art style like mine its usually better to aim for ‘doesn’t look wrong’ than ‘technically correct’, which i myself could stand to keep in mind more if i’m being honest. people don’t tend to really Look at things unless they look wrong

…and as usual when i try to explain how i draw things i can’t tell if any of this is even the slightest bit useful, but hopefully getting some insight into how i think about stuff is at least kinda interesting. if anyone has specific follow up questions feel free to hmu 

#given that i’ve been into superheroes recently i’ve been getting kind of a break from having to put much critical thought into clothing fold #s in exchange for suddenly needing to get much better at anatomy #splashasks #laudofthedeep #long post #mumbling #someone remind me later to make a tutorial tag

[fandom-scatteredthoughtsonpaper]

Dark Obey Me AU Outline, Breakdown, Game Mechanic + Specifics, + Some Other Stuff

{Previous post}

Kickoff and Quick Summarization:

Leviathan won a new preliminary horror game with VR aspects from a contest to test the game out before its actual release and invited Mammon and Yuki (MC) to play. This experimental immersion becomes too realistic when Yuki's latent powers takes the experience of the game to new levels when the entire House of Lamentation is sucked into the virtualization. Yuki, now alone and confused to the rules of this blended world of reality and simulation, has to venture through the house and recover the brothers from the game's influence. The game seems a little rigged the more Yuki advanced, so is someone actually pulling strings off screen or is paranoia seeping in?

Type of AU:

Mirror Universe, Interactive AU (you can help build up the world of this event)

Potential tags:

Horror, Psychological, Bloody, Dark, Angsty, Possible Sexual Assault, Death Is Allowed, Bodily Harm

Brief (and Liable to Change) Explanation of How the Game Will Work:

-After the House of Lamentation is shifted and adapted into the game's world, the seven demon brothers are also adapted to the elements of the psychological horror genre and placed as progressively harder bosses that MC has to get through to advance the game and undo the effects of what happened.

-The brothers that MC has converted back to normal will stay on their side and aid them in rescuing the other mentally manipulated boys, some even serving as necessary requirements to further progress. They can roam around the house and their rooms can serve as a temporary safety spots, but MC has to be with them to ward off the game's influence from trying to appeal to their cardinal desires based on their sin they govern and controlling them again.

-MC can try to appeal to any brother at any time, but if they don't meet requirements the struggle will be a lot harder and the emotional toll will be more effective on the chosen brother. If MC fails to convert the brother, not only does the next attempt become tougher, but MC takes damage deemed appropriate by the game based on the sin of the brother.

-The only exception to this rule is Mammon. Mammon is basically the tutorial. He's a mandatory scripted event to teach MC how the gameplay will be, and how they'll make it further in the game.

-Each brother is equivalent as a boss. The only way to progress to the next milestone is to release the grip the game has on the brothers' minds, but it's not as simple as breaking a curse like MC can canonically do with their powers. MC has to make a connection to the altered version of the demons, and to reach that connection they have to tackle each brother's insecurities and issues. Not like resolve them entirely with a heartfelt speech, and voila, they're okay again, but really reach into their hearts and remind them that they're not what the game has turned them into, that they're more than their sins and valued individually by MC.

-Thus having the proper brother on MC's side makes that connection a lot easier when it comes to certain brothers. Once that connection has been made and the game has less control, then MC can use the pact they made in the real world as the final move to disconnect the hold the game has in the virtual world.

-Again, however, it's not as simple as a few deeply passionate words and the veils are lifted from the brothers' eyes. Certain items can be found in each bedroom that helps strengthen the pact to mean something aside from a vow between a human and a demon. Requirements are necessary for progress.

-The pacts MC has with the brothers is a key relevancy to progressing the game. Without trying to appeal positively to their insecurities/fears the game has a strong hold on their minds and the use of their pacts aren't as effective

Rundown of What I Mean:

Mammon is the first demon MC bonded with and that applies itself strongly to their connection and relationship, especially in this event. I might be biased here, and not to mention I'm trial and erroring the story with my MC, Yuki, but I believe Mammon has the strongest connection with MC because of how he feels for them, how empathetic he is, and how emotionally aware he can be.

Mammon governs greed and already easily succumbs to his wants in the real world, but as of now in the canon story, he's grown a bit away from his sin, because of his relationship with MC, like most of the boys have. He can put MC above his own desires, and that influence deals a lot with how MC saves him after he attacks them in their room.

Mammon wants to sell MC's body, bit by bit, blood, teeth, hair, organs, nails, etc., as a means to pull in some serious money in the black market. Greed completely takes over Mammon, and he has very little regard for MC's life. When MC tries to use their pact's powers on Mammon the first time not much is really done, because the connection wasn't made. However, being the tutorial, Mammon becomes less influenced quicker than the rest of his brothers. MC has to remind him he's not a total scumbag that loves only money while Mammon is choking them out. So time is of the essence, because MC is physically harmed in this reality and can die as well.

I'll have a rough draft of this scene up later to better explain the process.

So Basically:

MC has to find items or something meaningful to assist them in helping the brothers become aware while under the game's manipulation, and then making a connection to their actual selves that helps absolve the mind control before using the pacts MC has made to finalize the severance, although it's not totally gone.

How I Plan to Progress the Event (Susceptible to Change) and Suggestions That Have Been Implemented by Other People So Far:

-MC starts the event off at the Lord Demon's castle with Diavolo and Barbatos before returning to the HoL to play with Levi. Before MC leaves Barbatos gives them two coins and a cautionary warning [credit to @jinxed-rose ]

-The unstable powers of MC conflicts with the game and locks the HoL and its residents inside the virtual reality.

-The game treats the brothers as bosses and turns their worst qualities up to 11. The small glimpses of how we saw the brothers in the beginning of the game before warming up to the MC is how they're portrayed in the game. They're meaner, deadlier, and heavily warpped from their original selves.

-MC can physically be hurt and/or killed, so the more of the brothers they can rescue the easier the game will be to traverse.

-The brothers are ranked by the order of when they got a pact with MC. So the optional progression between the brothers would be Mammon, Levi, Beel, Asmo, Satan, Lucifer, and Belphie. The longer MC has been in a pact with the boys the easier it is to sway them out of their brainwashing, but it doesn't have to be in this order [credit to @felix-the-lemon-king ]

-Another option of progress with the brothers can be psychological fortitude. What I mean by that is the boys' durability to withstand breaking down from their insecurities being provoked. So Mammon's biggest fear is MC getting hurt so he's automatically the first boss and Lucifer would be among the last to confront because he's mentally strongest and that's where the issues would lie. [credit to 13ineedpills13 on AO3]

-Levi is an optional boss that can be done early or late in the game, it doesn't really matter. If MC goes for Levi first, he'll be relatively easy to return to normal, but if MC doesn't get to him until later then he'll be a lot harder to help. If MC attempts to rescue the others before Levi and succeeds the game will make him aware of this. Levi will get more and more enveloped by envy and jealousy and his insecurities will worsen, making it harder to appeal to him. [credit to @sunshine-apprentice ]

-The reason Levi is an optional boss to go after at any time is because he has a mystery that reveals itself later as the event starts ramping up and big reveal towards the end. It's not really a secret if you read the notes on prior posts, but shhh. [credit to @felix-the-lemon-king ]

-Lucifer is the assumed main person to look out for, because he is the elder, head of the house, and most powerful and sadistic. He watches from the shadows and sets up elaborate snares and ambushes to sike out and slowly breakdown MC. Beel is more frequent around Lucifer's bedroom.

Somewhat Established "Rules" of the Game:

-Each encounter with the brothers during the actual moments of fighting and struggling will be violent and dangerous. Injuries will be painful and won't magically heal after the fight is done. [credit to syvintri on AO3]

-Death is very much possible, but it's tough for the brothers to die. It's not that hard for MC though. So, perma-death is plausible, but it's evened out with the two coins MC gets from Barbatos.

-The end goal is in Levi's bedroom, but it won't be accessible until after the brothers have all been released from the grip of the video game.

-MC's room is the only actual safe room in the house, so it's basically the headquarters

-Beel is the guard that routinely patrols the hallways, but he can be lured away with food from an area for a bit of time

-Each brother's room has a way to help figure out how to un-brainwash the boys, but they are dangerous to go into

-Overcoming the boys' insecurities and sins are a key relevance in progressing the game

-Line up of the boys in order as bosses (potentially): Mammon, Asmodeus, Belphie, Beelzbub, Satan, Lucifer, Leviathan

Concerns and Questions:

There's still a lot of gaps and unfilled holes that I'm not entirely sure how to connect properly. Trying to figure out how to write the encounters between the brothers that are being manipulated and MC/the brothers rescued is going to be tricky. Making sure the boys' characterizations stay close to how they would be will be a challenge.

So my questions for you will help me figure out what people would like to see and also help me connect dots in the story and plot.

A matter to discuss, for instance, is what a comment said on AO3:

"I think them interacting in a proper manner storywise when they are brainwashed is impossible, and such a drag to read. They should only interact during battles, and after battles, as they go on and save the others."

How should I go about writing the progress of the story?

Should I write it like an actual fanfiction, all detailed and specific and going at a constant pace, or should I skip moments instead of writing every scene that could occur to stay fresh and steady-paced, or should I try to base the chapters like actual event lessons in-game where stuff happens briefly and isn't very long?

Or another comment:

"So maybe this is just me, but I think it'd actually be more horrifying if the 'game' wasn't perma-death. Especially if everyone remembered despite any sort of revives or resets and with in-game injuries actually being painful. There's a high potential for angst is all I'm saying. But I guess that lends itself better for a normal fic rather than a choose your own adventure thing"

How should I write the "fight" scenes?

Should they be brief yet detailed or meaty with the conflict as MC tries to resolve the situation before anyone gets too hurt oor would this be good moments for turmoil between the brothers to arise and brawls break out ooor... I don't know what else.

How would the angst and heavy trauma best be applied according to y'all?

What kind of angst would each brother go through as MC tries to rescue them?

Some other questions:

Is the line up of the brothers as bosses okay, or should they be reconfigured to make more sense? Should it be linked how psychologically weak to strong they are or how their sins correspond to the next?

What would they be like at their absolute worst? How far do you think they could dive into their sins if they didn't have morals?

How dangerous would the brothers be?

How would the game use each character's insecurities and fears as their driving point?

How would you like to see brothers interact with MC during the confrontation? Or with each other before/during/after?

If MC were to die what would be the best way to take them out that would really fuck up the boys and devastate the psyche? Any brother is liable to maim or hurt the MC, but which one(s) could actually kill them? Or if a brother took a hit meant for MC, who would be more inclined to step into the line of fire?

These aren't all the questions that I have knocking around in my head and stumping me, but they're the biggest ones. I would like to hear inputs from others, BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't feel inclined to answer everything that I've listed. Those are just questions that I thought of and put on this post as examples of what I'm trying to figure out.

Finishing Off:

So yeah. That's the progress I've made so far, both on my own and from suggestions and opinions from other people.

I'd love to hear what y'all have in mind or would like to suggest or a take on a matter for any scenes, interactions, or whatever. Even if it's ideas of your own that relate to something that hasn't been brought up or mentioned, feel free to comment it or send me an ask.

Something this extensive will require a lot of thought and work to be done right, so that's why I had the notion of making this an interactive AU

So, if you're interested or wanna talk about the concept, hit me up! I'm dying just to ramble about potential stuff or read viewpoints about the brothers that you want to see happen or stances for whatever.

#obey me #obey me au #obey me dark au #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me levi #obey me beel #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #jess writes

[1oserjk]

— full stop | 03

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a series.

a messy divorce, unrequited feelings, and a five year old. 

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

02 ⇋ 04

x full stop masterlist | x masterlist

shit is 16k .. sry 

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full stop | 03: unhappy birthday

Hyejin has always been a ball of fury when you poked at the wrong buttons on her. But something about Jungkook and the aftermath of the divorce has made her even more apprehensive of the man, and you can only do so much to shift her opinions elsewhere.

“Fuck him over. Somehow, someway — just do it.”

You choke.

Eyes widening, sputtering out, “H-Hyejin..” 

“I’m not kidding,” she deadpans, already rolling up her sleeves, “How many times do I have to tell you that fucker will never learn?” 

A hand comes up, “Okay wait.” You pause. “Are we going to collectively forget Jungkook is my daughter’s father?” 

Her head shakes. “Not relevant—and also hard for me to care when it comes to him.” 

You exhale, eyes fluttering closed and palms resting flat on her kitchen table. “Look, I know he’s not the most liked between everybody right now. But, I can’t just tell him no.. That’s not fair.” 

“But there’s boundaries,” she points and argues, then prompts, “What kind of outcome does he expect when he goes out with the one person who caused most of the mess two years ago.”

Your eyes roll back. “She took a micro-portion of it.” 

“Her presence was still there and highly significant if I'm judging from most of the nights you came to me for!” 

“Hyejin.” You glare. 

“And don’t even try to do That Thing where you deduce your own valid feelings and assume everybody else’s choices and actions are reasonable when it’s clearly not!” You glare and she blatantly ignores it, waving you off, “And I know you’re keeping everything within yourself for the sake of being a better co-parent, or whatever fucking advice you read in the facebook group you’ve recently planted yourself in, but god. I’m mad, anyone would be mad, so let me be mad for you.” 

“No one is going to be mad about this,” you finally decide. “There’s nothing to be mad about. He is his own person and he can make his own decisions.” She pins her stare at your nails that you pick at. You feel it. “Even if it means going out with someone younger, more exciting, who prances around with a pen in her hand as if she’s really doing something useful all the fucking time for whatever goddamn reason. I could care less,” you can’t help but mutter under your breath shortly after. 

“Ha!” One of her acrylics poke at you and you flinch. “You are mad.” 

You groan out loudly. “I’m not mad,” you exasperate. “All I’m saying is for him to have at least decent taste if he’s going to date. Not someone so expectant after a divorce.” 

Her eyes narrow. 

“But that’s not the point,” you make sure to add right after. Fingers run through your hair and you sigh. “Look,” you ease gently. “I’m trying to be alright in this, okay? The last thing I want to do is stomp in like a madwoman and refuse a relationship that would’ve happened sooner or later.” 

Of course, she disagrees. “God,” she stands, grabbing both of your mugs and heading to the sink. “You’re turning into one of those Milf’s that stand by to live, laugh, and love—it’s grossing me out.” 

Your ears perk at attention and you smile smugly. “You think I’m a Milf?” 

“Shut up. You’re flattered.” She turns it on to soak both of your cups before the coffee sticks. “I only dropped by to tell you that it’s okay to freak out once in a while.” 

The only reason she’s been keening on you to go apeshit in front of your ex-husband, was the frantic phone call you left on the night of ditching Jungkook in your own kitchen. Being that she was here now, claiming that Kiumin ached for a playdate with Yeona, when in reality, her only goal was to scold you for not swinging at the doll Jungkook pranced around with as of late. 

She puts a hand on her hip and leans towards the counter. “Turning to corny coping mechanisms like following a Bob Ross tutorial isn’t going to fix your rage you’ve been pushing down.” 

“Okay, but that’s only because Jungkook still has some of his supplies laying around and the only thing I could come up with was painting a fucking sunset. Sue me,” you defend, throwing your arms up. “Besides, you weren’t there to see him, Hyejin. He was getting out of his office for once, smiling even, a-and it was different. A good different, and..” You’re completely at a loss, mouth opening, then shutting back closed, because what was even the point. 

“..You don’t want to take that away from him,” she finishes, a tilt to her head and a consoling expression gracing her features. 

“Exactly,” you exhale. “I can’t even be mad that she’s actually getting him out there, taking him to things that didn’t involve work. Something I couldn’t even do-“ 

“Hey, no,” she stops you, head firmly shaking. “No, you don’t get to do that. You were there and present, even on the days you were close to giving up before you actually did — you were there, trying your absolute hardest, clinging onto what he barely gave you. You were never the problem, okay?” 

You meekly nod, tired eyes on her when she takes a firm hold of both of your hands. 

She makes it clear, saying, “As a wife and a mother, you were always there and that is something nobody can take away from you.”

“I know,” you confess. “I’m just in a weird position right now, and I’m stressed out from it. Not mad—stressed.” 

“And you don’t have to be, alright?” She shakes on your shoulder. “I know I insisted on breaking some plates and screaming, but hearing you out, I’m sure you would rather stray from the subject as a whole.” 

“Please.” 

“Alright. I’ll get out of your hair for now, and if I come up with something to do for us that doesn’t involve egging someone’s car—“

“Hyejin!”

“—then I’ll let you know.” 

You huff out a breath and finally stand, entering into her arms she spans out. “I’ll always be worried about you, babe.” 

“I know,” you mumble, “And I’ll keep telling you I’m fine every single time you ask.” She pinches your side that earns a loud yelp from you and a hiss of pain a second later. 

“Love you.” 

“Always,” you promise and then remind, “Please save some space for Yeona’s birthday that’s coming up, and be prepared for any phone-calls beforehand of me crying because my baby’s growing up and I have no control to slow down time for it.” 

“Ah, that’s right,” she says. “Tell me if you need any help planning, alright?”

“Of course.” 

“Kiumin, baby,” she calls out, heading towards the living space, “Buddy, let’s go. We gotta get home before dinnertime.” 

Both of your children are on the floor, several toys in front of them and a television with brightly lit characters and colors that did not have to be at a high-volume as it was right now. 

“Aw,” the little boy pouts, “Okay.” He turns to your daughter and waves hesitantly. 

“Bye Kiumin,” Yeona yells out, clambering across the floor to get a hug. Short arms wrap around tiny figures and it’s absolutely adorable. Your eyes can sense a hint of red on Kiumin’s cheeks when your daughter’s hands tug tightly onto his. “See you soon, maybe.” She shrugs. 

“Don’t worry, Yeonie,” Hyejin promises. “We’ll meet up again soon.” 

At that, Yeona nods enthusiastically and shuffles herself forward for another hug directed towards your best friend. “Bye, aunt Hyejin.” She receives a soft pat to her head. 

“Be safe on the way home,” you order. 

They make their leave swiftly, and it finally gives you time to properly breathe—and think for a long while. 

-

Tiny fingers pinch the paper in between them, a determination set in her eyes as she excitedly jumps around in her seat. “It’s done,” she announces. 

Your eyes resemble a wink when you squint at her, sun shining way too brightly for it to be this early in the morning. It practically reflects Yeona’s attitude in starting the day like this, while you sit pathetically in an oversized shirt and coffee in hand. 

Taking the time in the morning for yourself was barely a thing, especially when it came to your daughter and her way too early sleep schedule her school had willed her on. 

Instead of sleeping in, you’re dealt with Yeona already being wide-eyed in her bed, making grabby hands at the toys in her bedroom you’ve put the time in cleaning up on the floor from the night before. 

Even staying home in her matching sweats her father had gifted her, she would still request her hair up and out of her face for the rest of the day. So, you’d be taking fifteen minutes to slick her hair up in her choice of a ponytail or pigtails instead of preciously sleeping in. Even right after, she’d become hungry, wanting breakfast to go along with her cartoons she had downloaded on her tablet. 

Which was perfectly fine, you’d be up soon anyway, so it would be better overall to just start the day off a bit earlier. It would only just leave you a bit off-looking and disoriented in the things you’d do for yourself. 

Years back, when Yeona was younger and you were still married, the routine was easier and much steadier when you would tag-team in getting ready for the day, passing off your daughter after one task would be done for the other and it would be your own turn for yours. 

At first, it left you frazzled when you were alone most days, but now, since the separation has settled in, it’d been okay for the most part. It just meant that some of the things and time you put aside for yourself were sacrificed, and that you would have to save your self care routine for later in the night when Yeona would flutter her eyelashes closed for slumber. 

You excitedly clap a few times and reach eagerly. “Can I see?” 

Yeona’s birthday was reaching close and for most of them, you would be able to know exactly what she’d want for that particular year. Normally, it would be a themed party of whatever she had been obsessed with at that time, and obviously the gifts you would drown her in. Last year went with a breeze. You were glad at that time when most of the conflict between you and Jungkook had faded when the time came, solely focusing on your daughter and that was it. But now, with the way things had left between the two of you recently, you were worried it wouldn’t be the same as this year. 

Yeona had declared she wanted something different this year and decided that she’d write it all out in a list. Still unsure and a bit confused, you complied and set out her supplies for her to take over on the paper. It was only fifteen minutes after she claimed that she was finished. 

Leaning towards her paper, you expected it to be drowned in color and design, taking the same artistic habits as her father. But to no avail, it was left blank. 

Your brows furrow. “I thought you were done?”

She nods. “I am!” 

“So.. Where—“ You awkwardly left off, wondering if she was hiding it beneath the table or behind her back. She giggles when you curiously dip your head under the tabletop. 

“In here,” she points. A single finger pokes at her head and she proudly smiles before explaining, “The list is in my head! If you read all of it at once, then it wouldn’t be fun, so I’ll tell Mommy the first thing now and the rest for later.” 

Your mouth opens in a sound of realization, and your eyes glint at how clever she became. “So,” you excitedly lean towards her more, landing a soft peck on her forehead. “What does my baby want for her birthday?” 

“No party,” she firstly says with a firm shake to her head. 

Your eyes widened. “No party?” Since the beginning, it’s always been one. 

“Nope.” Her lips purse out with a crinkle to her nose. “Mommy,” she says, eyes twinkling. “I’m growing, so big girls don’t have parties.” 

You hum, “Is that so?” 

She nods dramatically. 

“So what would you want this year?” 

“I would like to ask if we could have my birthday at Uncle Jin and Joonie’s beach house.” 

Your brows shoot up. “That’s all the way in Jeju..” 

She nods. “We could all take the ferry!” Then, she pouts. “We never go on the ferry.” 

Her idea runs through your mind for a few seconds before theorizing with her, mindlessly murmuring to yourself, “We could take the one in Busan and visit Grandma and Grandpa on the way..” You were sure they would want to see Yeona on the day of her birthday. 

Her eyes brighten when she picks up on your mumbles, grappling your wrist and shaking it, “Yes, Mommy! We’ll take everybody, like, Daddy’s co-workers and Kiumin!” 

It seems that you were already confirming the idea instead of considering it, though it all seemed like a perfect idea that wouldn’t take a lot of effort or stress. You can already imagine the small gathering for the weekend getaway, already knowing how much the others would like some time off, especially the guys that would always be cooped up in the suffocated shop filled with needles and ink. It would be a nice way of switching a few things up and catching up with the rest of the inner circle you’ve accumulated from the time of being with Jungkook. 

“Well,” you start, “Let me have a conversation with your Daddy and then maybe,” you halt when she begins to turn giddy, “Maybe it will happen. But he’s going to have to ask Uncle Jin and Joon if it’s alright, so it's honestly up to them to decide..” 

“Okay,” she quickly obliges, confidence set in her tone and smile, telling you that she was completely sure of her idea and their compliance to it.

-

“Of course!” 

Jungkook’s head drops down in embarrassment while you sit across from him, mouth almost gaping. 

“S-Seokjin,” you sputter. “You barely even gave it a few seconds to think about.” 

He shakes a hand back and forth, “Why would I need to?”

“You can’t just..“ You lead off hopelessly. Turning to the lanky man next to him, you raise a brow. “Namjoon?”

“Fine by me,” he says over a mouthful of noodles, “We barely even use the house, anyway.” 

“O-Okay, but-“ 

“We should go a week before the date to check up on it,” Seokjin suggests to Namjoon. 

“You’re right, just in case anything is out of place,” he replies. 

“The fireplace should be okay, right? I heard it rained last weekend.” 

And then they fall into their own conversation, leaving you and Jungkook, the real parents in this situation — silent. 

“I guess.. It’s happening?” You squeak out. The expensive couch sits uncomfortably on your bum, and you grow sweaty from being left to bask in the tension between the man across from you. It’s awkward, almost dragging on since you’ve entered the flat and sat down with Jungkook.

You were thankful at first, when Seokjin had butted in the conversation, boyfriend in tow. 

The last time you’ve encountered your ex-husband, were only the past few weeks of dropping off Yeona on his days off, stoically handing her to him and running off until you would have to pick her up again. 

It was childish, you knew that. You knew it exactly when you turned your back to him and completely shut him out three weeks ago. But at this point, it was the only way you were able to cope with however you were feeling about him, and simmering down most of your anger. But seeing that you would have to deal with him sooner rather than later, being that Yeona’s birthday was coming up, you were reluctantly willing to face him. 

“Yeah, I don’t think we have a choice,” he chuckles, palms nervously rubbing against his knees. A small part of you is definitely basking in the way he squirms under your scrutiny. 

“It’s fine,” you say, “This was the biggest part of Yeona’s list, anyway. She really wanted this.” 

He offers a quirk to his lips, and your heart immediately seizes, having to force yourself to stop looking at him so obnoxiously. It’s gross, really, how you’ve managed to be so affected by him - good or bad, since the very start. 

A throat clears, and it’s Namjoon, one hand stuffed in his pocket while the other on Seokjin’s lower back. You grow curious if he noticed. “Tell Yeona we can have her birthday at our house in Jeju.” 

“Thank you, really—to you both. She really wanted this, and for you guys to be there too.” 

“Of course, we’ll send a message to the rest that they’re invited.” 

With a smile, you stand and wrap your arms around both of them on your way out. “Thank you, again,” you can’t help but repeat. They only chuckle in your tight grasp that clearly proved how grateful you were to them.

“I’ll walk you out to your car,” Jungkook offers when he stands. 

You shake your head, “It’s alright. I took a bus here.” 

“Then, I’ll drive you back.” 

“Jungkook, no, it’s okay-“ 

Already disappearing into his room, he makes a grab for his jacket and shoes to head out. 

Seokjin chuckles when you whip around to face back the both of them, “Stubborn.” 

You’re breathless when you repeat in stress, “Yeah.” 

“Have a good night, _____.” Namjoon and Seokjin simultaneously wave, sending you both out the door. You embarrassingly let out a light laugh, waving back and wishing the same for them. 

You rush to the side of Jungkook when they disappear. 

Nobody talks, even until you’ve reached his car, unlocking the doors and allowing you to slip in the passenger side. 

He got the vehicle shortly after finalizing his move out of the house, offering the one you previously shared and owned. You didn’t have much of a choice when he slipped the keys in your hand and left shortly after without any argument. You were more nervous that if you pushed more for him to take it, he’d go out and buy you a new one the next day. 

For Jungkook driving the sleek black car everyday, it practically seems unused, leather seats still having that particular smell and everything still being tidy around it. Then again, Yeona is now older and less messy than before. 

Everything in the car is so exactly him, and you weren’t quite sure how to feel about it. 

After buckling up and properly settling in, he slides the keys in the slot, leaving you to stare at the hanging car accessory up at the rearview mirror. 

It’s a picture of you and Yeona, laid out on the floor. You remember the memory clearly, Yeona declaring a tickle fight and sprawling out on the floor for a fair match. Even with Yeona sat on top of you, it seemed that you were winning in the game with how her head was thrown back and a wide grin on her face, you could practically hear the squeal she was letting out in the picture. 

He still had it. 

For a second, you smile back at it. 

You barely even notice the car already moving and him asking the question, “Why didn’t you drive?” 

Your head flicks to him, and your eyes stay right at his jaw when he makes a smooth turn. You shrug, “It was nearby, I didn’t mind.” 

“You should’ve told me,” he says, “I would have come home instead of you travelling all this way for me.” 

Home. He still called it home, like it’d be any day now for him to return to it, that this was all a temporary fix until everything would get less foggy. 

“It’s fine,” you pass off. “I didn’t think you would see the offer as worthy since Yeona is at my mom’s place right now.” 

His head shakes, turning away from the road to catch your eyes for a split second. “I don’t need any reason to see you, _____. Just tell me, and I’ll be there.” It’s with vigour and promise, you almost turn flustered. 

You let out a small scoff before looking down at your hands. “If you said that a long time ago, we would’ve still been married,” you joke, though it comes out bitter. “Thanks for the offer, though,” you sarcastically add. 

The car suddenly halts and you look up, the red traffic light flashes in front of you. 

Jungkook shuts his eyes before tiredly letting out a sigh. 

You grow anxious, looking out the window from the side. Some of the restaurants and shops are surprisingly still open and you focus on the windows with bright lighting inside of the buildings. Friends and couples are eating out, some are laughing, and you wonder what some of their conversation consisted of. You surmise it’s something foolish when one of them throws their head back in a fit of laughter. 

Your hands grip each other when a pair from the opposite side of your vision pucker up and kiss. It turns personal way too quickly and you immediately feel like you're intruding, grateful that the light turns green and you finally move away from the intimate image, wondering if you would ever get close to that phase of your life again.

The silent minute brings you to announce abruptly, “We’re going to take the ferry in Busan instead of here, so that she would be able to see your parents before leaving.” 

“Sounds fine,” he replies. “My mother would like that.”

You nod. 

“What about yours?” He suggests.

You sigh, head hitting the headrest of the seat softly. “Another detox trip. They said they would send her a birthday card before they would leave. Probably why they’re spending as much time with her as they can before they leave.” 

Even with eyes on the road, he still seems to be listening intently. He hesitates a few seconds before asking, “How’s your dad?” 

You send him a smile, the least you could do before answering, “Still hates you.” 

He snorts. “Yeah,” he says, “I figured.” 

You swallow tightly and decide to ask, “How’s settling with Seokjin?” It’s been a couple of years, but still, it all still feels new and something you haven’t gotten around to asking ever since. 

He hums, “It’s quiet most of the time since he’s at Namjoon’s nearly everyday..” 

“The place is practically yours then,” you attempt to joke again, but it comes out as hardly, not exactly comfortable to throw that specific tone around.

He shrugs. “Wish he would let me pay more than half of the rent, but it’s tolerable.” 

“Are you ever planning to get your own place soon?” 

“Huh,” he thinks. “Haven’t put much thought into it.” 

“Well, if you ever do, I can always help out,” you quietly suggest and he takes a quick glimpse at you to see if you were actually being serious. 

“Really?”

You nod. “Yeah. I actually think it would be cool for Yeona to have a second room at your place. So it’s home over there for her as it is with me.” 

Another red light, and his eyes blink close for a moment. The conversation is going too fast and all of a sudden, it starts to hurt. 

Jungkook doesn’t want another home, a place that reads that he is officially separated from you and out of his reach, not when it doesn’t include you in it. 

It would hurt him even more if you would egg it on, support him and the move away from you, like you would want him to, and maybe you really did. He would understand why. Still, it hurts when you talk so freely like this, seemingly eager to get rid of him.

Jungkook doesn’t voice his disagreement, avoiding talking at all and keeping his mouth closed instead. 

The conversation falls off after that, and he most likely figured that would be the most he got out of you for the rest of the car ride. 

That was until you spoke up again. 

It was quiet, almost barely heard, and it’s said quickly. “You can invite her, you know?” 

His fingers unknowingly grip on the steering wheel. 

You look back down. “I don’t mind and I don’t want you to think that I’ll hold you back from doing so.” 

They want to reach out, grasp for your hands you keep fiddling with, scold you for biting on your lip too harshly, everything he used to do, he wanted to fall back and do it all at once. 

They keep clinging to the wheel. 

“I was mad back then,” you guiltily admit and he immediately shakes his head. 

“You had every right to be.” 

“I probably looked silly for being so mad on something I have no control over.” You move your eyes back over the window and the blurry images that pass by solemnly. “Especially when everything’s been said and done with, right?” You turn to him and he gulps. His heart drops at how quick and firm you said, as if it was that easy. 

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly. 

“Maybe this is a learning curve for us,” you nod to yourself. “So, I’m open to having her with us this year.” 

He had no idea why you were so sure that everything between Seol and himself were solid enough to introduce her as his girlfriend, fuck, even he wasn’t sure he could spit the word out himself. 

Everything was going by way too fast, too much to process. 

He only nods, clinging onto actions rather than words to speak for him. 

His throat clears and the car slows down to a clear stop. You peak over his head and find your house already being presented as the car decreases in speed. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah,” is all he says.

“Well,” your buckle releases and you slide out onto the edge of the seat, already gripping onto the handle. You offer him a smile. “Thanks, Jungkook.” 

The door opens and he stiffly nods and doesn’t pull out of his spot until his own two eyes have watched your figure disappear into the entrance of the house. 

-

“Did you double-check that you have everything?” 

She nods. 

“Okay, then I think we’re ready.” You clap, zipping up the rest of your bags. 

She can’t even stand still with her excitement, having to run around at times when it got too much. 

Ever since the beginning of planning this weekend trip, you surprisingly had a lot of time on your hands from the immense help of everybody else who volunteered to plan. You were glad that they reached out, but you also became antsy at the fact you had no control over the outcome of this gathering. In anything that Yeona wanted, you strived to make sure it would happen with reasonability. Being away from most of the planning had left you anxious on most days, wondering what Seokjin would be pulling under his sleeve on Yeona’s celebration. 

“Here.” You hand her backpack to her, silently ushering her to turn around so you could slip it through her arms. “Sit on the couch and watch your show for now. Your father will be here soon to pick us up.” 

She complies easily, shuffling towards the cushioned chair. 

Before she becomes too absorbed in the cartoon, you ask a mindless theory for her to answer, “If Daddy shows up with a friend—that is a girl.. You’ll be nice, right?” 

Her head tilts and her brows crease. “Girl—friend?” 

Your fingers tighten against the hem of your sundress. “M-Maybe? I’m not sure, he hasn’t told me a lot about her..”

“That’s not right,” she notes. “Daddy should tell Mommy so she knows..” 

You send her a softened smile that holds a sad shift in it. “Not this time, baby.” You look down at your hands. “Just be nice to her, okay?” 

She only nods. 

You brush off your knees when you stand back up, moving back towards your room to grab whatever else you might’ve forgotten and rush through most of your makeup bag to fix yourself up a bit. 

You debated a few times in your head to switch up your dress for another one in your bag. Usually, you never cared, but this time, oddly, you wanted to satisfy more than yourself with the way you currently looked and dressed as - for whatever reason you cannot decipher as. But having to change, you would also have to switch out Yeona’s dress since you both decided to match today. 

You decided not to bother since it would take too much time, especially since you hear the buttons being pressed at your front door, buzzing when the code punches in and indicating that Jungkook was finally here. 

You quickly pull and clip on a necklace that was mindlessly set on your bedside table, and rush out the room with your bags. 

When both of them come into view, you already see Yeona attached to Jungkook’s hip. No one else. 

“Hey,” you breathlessly greet with a nod, trying not to seem blunt by focusing on the front door to see if a certain person tagged alone. “I hope this isn’t too much—? I cut down most of it last night..” 

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it,” then looks down at the bags, “But—uh, are you sure you need all of this? It’s only a couple of days.” 

“Yeah, but,” you hesitate, pushing some strands of your hair away, “It’s clothes, swimsuits, sunscreen, shower products, presents—“ 

“Presents?” Yeona brightens. 

“No,” You and Jungkook rush. 

“Mommy meant something else..” 

“Oh.” Her expression flattens. “Then what did she mean?” She presses. 

Jungkook’s mouth gapes and he attempts to spit out an answer before you boisterly interrupt, “Oh no! We’re running late.” 

He nods comically when he meets eyes with you. “Y-You’re right! Let me take your bags,” he offers. 

You practically shove them into his hands when you switch positions, taking Yeona into your own and softly letting her down. 

When you stand up straight, he eyes the both of you in awe when he notices. 

“You’re both matching.” 

You grow heated under his gaze and shyly nod, straightening out the flimsy skirt of your dress. “She’s been hounding me to get a mini size for her when I wear mine, so this was her first gift from me.” 

Her tiny hands cling onto your fingers and squeezes them, “Yup! We wanted to look pretty for Daddy.” 

You practically choke out a small cough at her statement as he arches a brow towards you, your cheeks dusting a shade of embarrassment immediately. 

“T-There was no set intent for doing this exactly,” you defend with a growing pout before you childishly point at Yeona and sputter, “It was her idea and I just went with it.” 

He chuckles, encouraging the dusty rose to spread to your ears and neck. “Well,” he starts and confirms, “You both look beautiful.” He’s already turning away and moving towards the door before you can react. “I’ll compliment you more when we get in the car, but we should hurry.” 

You both scurry in front of him, and a firm hand lands on the small of your back to lead you out. Whipping around slightly, you turn surprised from the mere gesture. 

A certain feeling washes over you — it’s nostalgic, almost drowning you from the blunt force when his fingers land on only the thin material that separates your skin from his. For a second, it feels like what it has always been. 

Even as false pretense or even reassurance, you bask in the feeling you can only assume is melancholy and warmth, all at the same time. It’s bittersweet, but it’s something and it’s clearly there.

He offers a smile, and it’s not a polite one you usually send each other when you would interact, it’s not a forced one either. It was genuine, and it was towards you. 

A smile that read this weekend would be a memorable one, like all of the other birthdays you celebrated each year. 

For a split second, you feel like a family again. 

The door clicks shut and you finally all head out to fulfill Yeona’s birthday journey. 

-

“God,” he rubs at his shoulder that aches. “What did you pack in here to make me feel like this four floors down?” 

Rolling your eyes, your daughter’s leg brushes against you when it kicks up for the minute of buckling her up. You don’t bother asking her to stop, silently allowing her to start playing with your hair when you lean over the other side of her carseat. You adjust her sandals while you’re at it. “We took the elevator, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.” 

“You weren’t the one carrying it,” he argues, shutting the trunk closed. 

Finally finished with making sure Yeona would ride safely in the backseat, you recover your crouched form and rise. “You offered.” 

He sighs, hands on his hips, and a smile creeping on his face he managed to halt before your eyes would land on them. “You never answered my question.” 

Both of you make it to the front of the car and slip in, shutting the car doors simultaneously in coincidence. 

You wave a hand in dismissal before reaching up for the seatbelt. “It’s a few gifts for your mother. She really liked the scent of the apartment when she last visited, so I packed a few candles of the ones I’ve been using.” 

“A few?” He scoffs, pinning you a look. The car begins to run when he slides the key in the slot. He has a hard time believing in your estimate of the amount you were bringing when he picks up weights on a regular basis at the gym, not boasting when he clearly can’t help mentioning it every now and then. There were way more than a few.

You hesitate, observing him shift the gear and backing the car up and out of the parking space. “Fine, I slipped in a few more for Seokjin,” you confess and it’s clear that he has a smug smirk carrying his expression. “Only because he asked,” you huff.

A light chuckle slips out and his fingers on the center console almost twitch when he hears you let one out also. 

You abruptly turn towards the backseat. “Yeonie? Please turn down your tablet.” It Had been ringing in both of your ears since you got in the car. You wanted to have a proper conversation without having to scream out your words over the rhymes and overplayed sound-effects. 

When she does, you finally sigh and lean back in pure exhaustion from the lack of sleep the night before. 

Jungkook notices. 

“You okay?” He asks. 

Your eyes flutter open slowly and you nod. “Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, so I’m dealing with the repercussions of it.” Your gaze on the road soon turns blank. 

If you were being honest, it’s been a long time in dealing with enough sleep. If you were in bed, you were most likely staying up, keeping yourself busy, not deeming it as a good enough reason to sleep just yet. Before, you slept easily, paying no mind to what was happening around you, you actually slept. Something changed to the point where you weren’t granted that access anymore, having to question the exact reason on why you should even sleep. You weren’t sure if you would find it, sticking with just coaxing yourself into slumber through most nights. 

“You can take a nap if you want,” he suggests. “It’s going to take a while before we get there, so you might as well.” 

You hum absentmindedly, barely registering any of his words if you were being honest. 

Yeona yawns. He shifts his attention to the back, watching Yeona squirm for a comfortable spot - as comfortable as she can get - in her carseat. “Are you sleepy too, baby?” 

She mewls out a tired noise in confirmation and leans her head to the padded side of hers. “Daddy, sing to me,” she requests, blinking, lagging until they fully close.

Jungkook’s soft hums fill up the noise of the car other than the white noise surrounding you when he drove. 

Your eyes go back to closing when it hits you, a metaphorical blanket that deems where you were, what you were doing, and who you were with — as safe. Your brows furrow unconsciously at the thought that you’ve been dealing with this specific problem about your sleep for God knows how long, but Jungkook suddenly fixes it and now it’s all gone. 

You finally sleep. 

-

An hour  into the drive and you suddenly ask, “Is she.. Driving on her way too?” 

His eyebrows furrow and he turns to stare at you, disoriented by the question. “Who?” 

You eye him wearily and tip your head forward, like it was obvious. 

He’s still confused. 

“Seol?” You finally spit out. 

“Oh.” 

That’s all he says and you grow impatient. “So?” 

“She’s not coming,” he finally answers. “I didn’t invite her. Why would you think I would?” 

“She wasn’t in the car when you picked us up, or at the house, so I just assumed..” 

“No,” he quickly denies, looking you in the eye this time. “She’s not coming.” 

“Oh—okay.” You wonder why. 

It’s silent except for when his throat clears and he turns the car. 

“Um,” you drag unsurely. “Are you.. Still—seeing each other?” It’s personal, and you regret asking, but for the sake of your bouncing leg and bated breath, you wait. 

“I—I don’t know? I mean we’re going out, but it’s not anything official.” He looks nervous, eyes shifting back and forth from one side of a street to another. 

“So.. You haven’t asked her to be your girlfriend yet?” 

This is weird. Too fucking weird and now Jungkook’s acutely uneasy because there is absolutely no malice in your voice. Just curiousness being unravelled.

“No, not really,” he nervously stammers, and he tries his best to gauge your reaction but you hold absolutely nothing to read on. “I want to decide carefully.” You suddenly stare back at him and he has no choice but to continue, “Like you said. I want to make sure it’s right. No fuck-ups anymore. Not with you or Yeona.” 

Your head shakes. “Jungkook, you don’t have to-“

“It’s my decision,” he firmly states, “and it’s on my terms.”

-

Jungkook’s mother was always a bright soul who greeted and welcomed you with open arms. 

The first time you were off to meet her, you were twenty-three years old and absolutely terrified, and you made sure to tell Jungkook that before you even stepped foot in the house he grew up in. 

You informed him how much bad luck you came with when it involved meeting your partner’s parents. More specifically — your past boyfriends and their overly clingy mothers who did not like you no matter what you did, as long as you were dating their son. 

“My mom loves everyone,” Jungkook explained previously the night before the anticipated meeting. 

You shook your head vigorously, eyes wide and anxious, shivering from having the thought of reliving something you always dreaded. “That’s what they all say before we end up arriving and then all of a sudden I’m being pounced on by an overbearing mother who obviously can’t stand the thought of having another woman in her son’s life.” 

He laughed. “Your exes were probably an only child,” and then continued to inform as if it would ease your nerves, “I have an older brother.” 

You shrieked. “Holy shit, that makes it even worse because you’re her youngest. The baby of the family—her baby.” He cackled and you landed a solid strike at his arm with a whine, “Jungkook, Take me serious.” 

“Alright, okay,” he shushed you and tugged at your hips before closing in on you. “I can assure you that my mother isn’t some type of villain you’ve painted out in your head.” 

You winced and patted his chest with a pout, “Sorry. Past minor trauma.” 

“I get it,” he reassured. “But she’s different than the rest, I promise.”

And she definitely was. 

The house fills with a scent of something cooking on the stove top and it immediately engulfs you in warmth when you hear the television going off in the spacious area of the living room, assuming it was Jungkook’s father planted on his signature chair he was always found in. 

When Yeona finally kicks off her shoes, she immediately runs through the house to find her grandmother. 

“Careful,” Jungkook calls from next to you. 

He notices your dazed state and takes a step closer. “How are you feeling? Still tired?”

Your mouth falls open and you shake your head with a smile, brushing it off, “My head is aching a bit from the long car ride, but I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll sit down for a few.” 

He shows concern in his expression and leans forward to inspect you carefully. “Come here.” 

“I told you I’d be okay, Gguk. I’m fine.” Still, your feet take you closer towards him until calloused fingers land at your temples before applying pressure. “Mm,” you let out in surprise, lips pressed when he goes in circular motions against your skin, grappling onto one of his wrists for support. Your eyes flutter shut when the pain starts to subside. Four fingers each from both hands are firmly planted while his two thumbs continue to ease the throbbing that’s been planted in your head since you’ve gotten out of the car. 

“Starting to feel better?” He murmurs softly. 

 You nod with the space he provided for it. “I still think I should just take some medicine.” 

He doesn't stop his ministrations, only humming. “In a minute. Want to avoid my mom a bit longer before she starts to ask why I haven’t been visiting lately.” 

A smile quickly settles on your lips and you squeeze at the wrist you’ve been gripping on. 

It’s up close when he sees you softly giggle and his heart surges forward. Your eyes open back up and you’re suddenly staring at such a close proximity. 

“She worries about you.” 

“I know,” he promises. “Just not sure what to say when she starts interrogating me.” 

Before your mouth can slip in an answer, a throat clears and you tense immediately. 

You both stiffly turn towards the new figure in the room who raises an amused brow. 

“Uh, hi Mom. Where’s Yeona?” 

“With your father.” 

You remember suddenly before coughing and tugging at Jungkook’s hands that stay planted against your head. 

“We were just..” Jungkook attempts, wiping off his palms that have gotten significantly clammy in the span of a minute or two. 

“Headache,” you finish and state for him. 

“Yeah.” 

“Did we go back in time before medicine was a thing?” She jokes then tilts her head towards the direction of one of the bathrooms. “There’s painkillers in the medicine cabinet.” 

“Uh I’m going to.. Yeah.” Jungkook scratches at the back of his neck and seems unsure before seeing himself out to grab for the bottle of pills. 

“Please, don’t give me that look,” you beg once the embarrassment settles in and your cheeks start to warm up. 

“No, I’m just happy is all.” She smiles in satisfaction. “Last time I checked, you were divorced to my son.” 

You groan. “And I still am.” 

“Then what was that?” She refers back to the scene she had unfortunately walked in on. 

“A ploy to drag out time before hearing your questions about why he hasn’t been visiting as often as he should be,” you easily tattle. 

She gasps. 

Jungkook walks back in with two bottles in hand, eyes bouncing back and forth to each one. “It doesn’t matter which brand right? I brought out two just in case-“ 

“Jeon Jungkook,” his mother scowls. 

He freezes and looks up to his infuriated mother, then pointedly looks at you before the gears turn in his head. 

“You told her?” 

You simply shrug and snatch both bottles away before his mother would start shifting her target towards him. “Thank you.” 

You don’t bother to hear the scolding, instead, walking through the house to find where your daughter had drifted off to. 

Mrs. Jeon takes some time to catch up with her son and gives you enough to rest from the prolonged car ride. 

Small feet tap on the wooden floor and you try to search for the doe eyes and pouty lips that come with them. 

“Yeona, where have you been?” 

“With grandpa!” Then, she enthusiastically stomps. “He said my gifts are hiding from me.” 

You chuckle. “Is that so?” 

A bigger pair of feet walk in and Mr. Jeon looks flustered, as if he had done something he wasn’t supposed to do. His head angles down to Yeona and he explains, “I messed up! I was supposed to wait for Grandma to feed you guys before I said anything about birthday presents.” 

Your mouth opens to reply that he was perfectly fine before large hands settle firmly on your shoulders. You squeak and jump, registering that it was only Jungkook when you whip around to face the culprit. “Seriously?” 

“It’s payback,” he simply says. “I got scolded for fifteen minutes all because you decided to be a snitch.” 

“Sorry.” You softly nudge. “She was assuming too much when she saw us.” 

“Ah,” he realizes, and he suddenly seems okay with the thought of going down just for you. “I’ll have to talk to her again about doing that. Sorry.” 

You dismiss it with a smile. “Just more worried about you. Poor baby,” you tease. “What? Did she make you face the wall for five minutes?” He scowls. “Jungkook, she misses you,” you reason. 

“I know,” he mumbles. “I promised her I would be here more often.” 

He has that look in his eye you are way too familiar with — when the gears start turning and he begins to overthink his whole entire schedule for the month, figuring out the time-slots—if he even has any free space for it. 

“Hey,” you call, and he snaps out of it. “Don’t try to fill your family in your schedule as if they’re appointments. You’ll visit when you want to, okay? Not because you have to.” 

He exhales and nods. “Right. I will.” 

He then notices your features significantly brighter than the last time he’s taken them in, no more fatigued, so he asks, “Did you take the medicine?” 

You nod. “I just took it, but moving around a bit is helping a lot already. 

“That’s good.” 

His brows furrow when he catches the expression on his dad. “Is he okay?” 

You turn and observe him tailing your hyper daughter who has been checking every crevice of the house for any mere glimpse of eye-catching wrapping paper.

“Like father, like son,” is all you say and he stares on with no clue. “He’s literally a second away from hearing his own scolding.” 

Mrs. Jeon walks in and shrieks. “You told her already—?!” 

The man beside you sighs and questions out loud what on earth his father had done. 

So, you explain, “They put on a scavenger hunt for Yeona’s gifts. Except, it was supposed to be after lunch.” 

“Oh no.” 

“Yeah.” 

“You were supposed to wait so that I could take pictures for it!” 

The older man’s hands get thrown up in defense. “She hasn’t found them yet, it’s fine.” 

“What if she actually does?” She tests with a brow raised. 

“Mom,” Jungkook calls and both of his parents finally turn to give him attention. “It’s alright. We can do the scavenger hunt now since we’ll be leaving soon.” 

“You aren’t going to stay and eat?” 

“Please don’t worry,” you kindly decline. “I’d feel bad if you were to cook something, just for us.”

She waves a hand carelessly in the air. “Nonsense! I want to do this for you. It’s been way too long since the last time I cooked for more than two people.”

Your elbow prods at Jungkook who lacks his own attention. You quickly send him a look, a silent message to stop her from whipping anything up when you wouldn’t have much time to properly eat it, given from your strict itinerary. 

“We only have half an hour to be here before the next Ferry arrives,” he finally speaks up. 

“Oh,” his mother dejects with a pout. “Well, that’s a shame.” 

“Yeah, sorry mom.” 

Your hip pushes against his side, and your throat clears. “We’ll come back and stay for dinner,” you promise. 

“Please do,” she nods. “My son doesn’t even visit anymore.” 

She plainly ignores Jungkook, whose mouth has dropped significantly. “Mom—! I told you I would visit more often.” 

“Can’t even make a simple phone call,” she tsks. “Your ex-wife interacts with me at least three times a week—more than you ever did within a month.”

“Mom!” 

Your hand lands on top of his shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze and sending his mother a smile of understanding. “We’ll be there. Promise.” 

She sighs, hands smacking against her fruity apron and then clapping enthusiastically. “Alright, fine! Let me get my camera first.” 

Her son groans. “Just use your phone.” 

Her head shakes, already bending down and shuffling through the drawers, “But you got me that nice camera for Christmas! I haven’t used it yet.” 

“Alright, fine,” he reluctantly obliges. “Dad, will you please give my daughter a hint? She’s going crazy here.” He points and your daughter is exactly there, crawling through the coffee table and easing herself to the next tiny space she can fit in. 

“Baby, you’re going to hurt yourself,” you warn when she breezes through a few expensive-looking structures around the house, “Or break something.. Jungkook—!”  You tug on his sleeve and push him to grab her before any mishaps could happen. 

When Jungkook finally gets a hold of a squirmy Yeona, his father finally ushers everybody outside towards the direction of the backyard where the scavenger hunt is officially located.

-

“They just texted me that they’re already at the house,” Jungkook suddenly announces by the time Yeona finds her fourth present. 

You double-check the time on your phone and worriedly ask, “Do you think we’re running late?” 

His head shakes. “I doubt it. If anything, we’re probably on time. We left really early in the morning.” 

You sigh out with both shoulders deflating and he notices. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” you ease. “Just worried, you know? This is the first year we aren’t doing a birthday party and she’s only turning six.” 

“Hey,” he chuckles. “It’s not like these aren’t going to be a forever thing.” 

“I know,” you groan and rub harshly at your temples. “I think I’m just so used to big gatherings, the amount of unnecessary attention, and the cake nobody eats because it’s all it really was for me growing up.” As much as the parties were for good intentions, it was never in a good way. 

The only reason your mother was set on giving you a birthday party every year was for the pictures and some way into measly bragging about how well her life was going and not everybody else’s. 

“And in no way I’m saying it as a way for Yeona to live through whatever I went through, but every year I try my best to plan something she wants.” You rub at your elbow unsurely with lips turned downwards. “For some reason, her not asking for one this year makes me think how much she didn’t like the others and how shitty I am for not seeing it much earlier.” 

Yeona giggles when she picks out another that happens to be sneakily hidden snug between a few branches of a tree. 

He shakes his head and calls for you softly. “Are you kidding? I’ve never seen her happier with every passing birthday you manage to outdo every year. Our daughter also has incredible confrontational skills - If she doesn’t like something, she’ll tell us regardless.” 

You snort. “Right.” You grow nervous how serious he becomes when you catch onto his eyes and his front faces you so suddenly. 

“She loves what you do every year,” he assures. He then reasons, “And maybe next year it’ll be different — she’s growing up.” 

You slowly nod, handing him a laugh of disbelief. “Yeah. God, you’re right. Sorry.” 

“Even standing here with a headache, you’re still worrying for nothing,” he scolds. 

“I told you I already feel better,” you argue in return. “The medicine helped a bunch. I’m okay.” And for the next ten minutes, you ignore the side-eye full of concern overpowering on his side when he shoots you a glance. He’s known you since the start of his twenties, of course he would be able to pick out if you were lying or not. 

“What’s the count?” Jungkook asks, eyes squinting from the bright sun casting down at the colorful yard. 

His mother points the camera at him and raises a hand, “Number Five!”

“And how much in total?” 

She pouts. “It wouldn’t be as much fun if I told you.” 

“Mom.” 

You shush him. “Leave her alone.” 

“Six! Six! Six!” Yeona yells near the fence. 

“You found the sixth one, sweetheart!” Jungkook’s father exclaims. 

His mother curses and whips the camera back around. “I missed it!” 

It’s comical when you watch it from afar, and a large smile blooms across your face at the three. “God,” you snort, quite endeared by the sight, “This is a mess. It’s cute.” 

Jungkook stays behind alongside you to simply observe you and them, and he’s already memorizing every part and aspect of this moment to set aside for later. 

Everything fell into place so perfectly, everybody belonging exactly where they were supposed to be. 

“You really do look pretty today, _____.” 

Eyes widening, you whip around to his figure with a questioned gaze. 

He’s willing to repeat the words, let you know over and over until you grow tired of the repetitiveness, drown you in all of the compliments he’s thinking of right now. 

But, you curtly nod and turn away. “T-Thanks.” 

His hand reaches out, exactly to where yours is and his sight subconsciously falls on your fourth finger that was blank of a specific jewelry he put on you two years ago. It’s already been two fucking years and he still grows somber when his eyes catch onto where the diamond used to be.

No matter how many times he can confront it with his own eyes, stare at it for however long you would allow him to look, seek it every time it would raise or show itself — It still hurts nonetheless. 

It’s exactly what makes him pull back and grip onto the chain tucked into his shirt, away from your eyes to see the charm that glints exactly like the first day you put it on him. 

-

Finally having it be the middle of the day, you get to leave and head towards the station to get from Busan to Jeju. 

The station is way more quiet than what you initially anticipated, it being the weekend and all, but the line barely lasts a minute, and you’re already boarding the ferry, right behind Yeona who holds her father’s hand tightly across the dock that transitions to the ship. 

“Snacks?” Is the first thing Jungkook asks for when you all sit down and you quickly reach into Yeona’s backpack. 

“All I have our a few baggies of rice-puffs and juice-boxes.” 

“I want one!” Yeona intercepts, and greedy hands suddenly wave in front of your face. 

“Alright, baby, hold on a minute.” You request and stare back up at Jungkook to propose the idea of sharing a muffin his mother offered last-minute when you slipped through the door to part ways. “There’s only two juice-boxes.”

Jungkook’s head shakes, going to decline the kind offer and allow you to have it before Yeona perks sweetly, “Daddy can share with me!” 

His thumb and pointer softly caresses the supple cheek beneath it before landing a kiss on it and murmuring, “Always so sweet.” 

Sitting back down, Yeona on Jungkook’s lap while you sit side-to-side, plastic cover of the muffin opened and lips pursed out to your own straw. 

With Jungkook’s hands full, squirming daughter all over his lap, you make it easier for him by popping small pieces of the muffin in his open mouth. 

You let out a laugh when you miss and watch a few chocolate crumbs dribble down his chin. “Sorry,” you murmur with a smile, fingers rubbing off some of where the chocolate smeared against his skin. 

“Do you need a tissue?” 

Turning to the nimble voice, you notice an elderly lady with a soft smile she carries so sweetly. “I’m sorry,” she laughs off. “I just noticed how much of a mess you’ve made on your husband.” 

You both don’t flinch at the assumption, smiling back at her. 

“Oh,” your voice brightens with a laugh of your own and bowing in your seat slightly, “Thank you so much for offering.” 

She brings out a few from her own bag and reaches out over the seats, “Here.” 

“Thank you again,” Jungkook says and she looks at you expectantly, practically requesting you to wipe off his mouth yourself. You jump at the realization and clear your throat with whatever protest that bubbled from within, and start with stiff fingers. You’ve already stuffed pieces of muffin in his mouth, what harm would it be to clean up the mess you’ve made? Except it’s completely different, not very easy doing the simple action with a bright-eyed old woman who seems very entertained by the aspect of it, all life returning to them when the tissue rubs at his bottom lip. 

“Daddy,” Yeona taps. “Want off.” 

His gentle grip on her tummy loosens and allows her to slide off of his legs to approach the woman. Your daughter gently waves and let’s her smile speak for itself, so easy to sway the woman when she was so used to doing this to every other person she meets daily. 

“Hi there.” The woman waves back and bends her back more forward to reach Yeona’s level. “Where are you off to today?” 

“Jeju!” She exclaims, and then boasts proudly, “It’s my birthday.” 

The woman eggs her giddiness on by clapping gently, “Oh wow. What a wonderful place to celebrate your birthday!” 

“Yes ma’am,” she agrees sweetly, hands clasped behind her back. “I told my Mommy and Daddy to bring me there and they said yes! We even rode all together here!” 

The woman spares you an odd look at the figures Yeona points at, and you both refrain meeting her eyes that read about obviously riding together, you were married with a kid after all.

At least, to her eyes you were. 

Unfortunately, the both of you lacked the guts to tell her the truth, and that this was just another day to simply tolerate each other more than you already do during the week. 

Nothing more, nothing less. 

The woman hums. “Your parents must love you a lot then. They look good together, too.” 

It all seems too much, as if she was mocking you, and you immediately grow antsy at her nosy stare. 

Luckily, after Yeona had her fair share in her frankly short conversation with the older woman, she left all of you alone for the rest of the ride. 

“That was—” Jungkook starts. 

“—Definitely new,” you finish. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be used to the assumptions of us still being together. It’s hard not to just blatantly say no so that they could get off of our backs for once.” 

Your voice lowers a bit, just to make sure she can’t hear you from her corner-seat. “But we also have to understand their point,” you reason, “When people see both of us with a daughter, it’s easier to assume that we’re together.” 

His head leans on the metal rod behind him, still listening with his eyes closed. 

“Besides, I don’t really mind.” 

His head shoots back into position and he stares with widened eyes. “Y-You don’t?”

Shrugging, your head shakes. “It’s better this way. I’d rather just go along with it than explain exactly why we’re separated, let them into something they have no business in being in.” 

“Right,” he drags it. “Exactly,” and he says it more for himself to grip on, because fucking obviously. Not for any other reason but for convenience. Always for the best, and he was fine with it. Perfectly keen. 

His head turns towards the water, and he squints, legs bouncing obnoxiously, Yeona whines. It’s only then you realize he’s decked out in all black, as usual, with beads of sweat running off his temple and onto his neck. It’s only worse when he’s seated exactly right under the sun, where the roof fails to give him any shade. 

“You idiot,” you suddenly call and his brows furrow, whipping around to find you in a state of absolute worry, searching through your bag. “Out of all days, when we’d be outside, you’re wearing everything you’re not supposed to.” 

His eyes widen and he stares down at his attire, sizzling back down into realization when he finally realizes the problem. “I’m fine,” he passes off cooly. “Yeona wanted the seat nearest to the water, and I figured you wouldn’t want to be under the sun this long.” 

Before he can even come out with an argument, you’re already moving forward and grabbing Yeona off of his lap. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Come on,” you pat on his thigh, silently coaxing him to scoot. “We’ll trade spots. You can’t be under the sun like this.” 

“_____..” 

Your lips purse and stray down into a pout, and his heart falters, his argument pushed down his throat until he swallows it away. “Jungkook, I’m worried. I don’t even think you put on sunscreen today either.” 

He’s fully aware how irked you get when he doesn’t follow the skincare regimen you set up for him. It’s especially the distress you hold in your eyes and lips when he forgoes the most important step of it all: suncare. 

“Shit doesn’t even work,” he exasperates, and your eyes roll back.

“Say that to me when you’re fifty and covered with sun spots you’ll never be able to erase because you never wanted to listen to me.”

His bite comes without even a second thought, falling back into the banter he secretly misses, when it was comfortable to joke around you, tease you to no end, and drive you up the wall. “You’ll still like me that way, right?” He’s teasing now, and it’s clear when he raises his brows in expectancy, lighthearted and jokeful. 

To your embarrassment, your cheeks tint pink and you don’t have enough pride to return his stare. The only thing you can really do is stammer severely and point at your purse. “J-Just put some on and leave me alone.” 

He hands you a hearty and genuine laugh and you only try your best to ignore it, lips curving the same until you force them to stop from going any higher. 

-

“Holy shit,” you gape. “It’s huge.” 

“They’re loaded.” 

“I-I can’t go in this, Jungkook.” 

“You couldn’t have told me this before we went on a whole road trip and had me prepay tickets for a ferry ride here?” 

You hit his arm. “Jungkook, I’m serious.” 

He laughs. “Why exactly can’t you? It’s just a beach house.” 

“This is too big for a six year old! A few candles from the fucking mall is never going to pay off the fact they are letting us have it for the weekend.”

“With their advision,” he reminds. Yeona stirs in her sleep from the backseat and Jungkook pins you a look. “Can we get out now?” 

You hesitate. “How are you okay without thinking about being possibly indebted to Seokjin and Namjoon? First, they put out a car for us to drive here when we arrived, and now we’re staying in this? We’re being pampered.” 

“Because I’ve been leeching off of Seokjin since I was a teenager, _____,” he states, nimbly remembering when he would depend on a few meals paid from him and even to now - being roommates with the older man. “He’s fine with it. He offered first, after all. We’re just following orders,” he defends so easily. 

Reluctantly, you climb out of the car, crossed arms from your chest, heading towards the back to take out your daughter from her carseat. With a soft nudge and a kiss to her cheek, her eyes shot back open with the realization that this was the last stop, that she was finally here. “M-Mommy, look!” 

“I know,” you coo, “I was just as shocked as you are now.” 

She moves quickly, already releasing the buckle and sliding down to the car floor. She still requests to be picked up like a princess when her arms span out for you, and of course, you oblige. 

“Jungkook,” you call. “Are you getting the bags?” 

The trunk shuts, keys jingling in his hand, “Already on it.” 

When you reach the porch, Yeona eagerly leans towards the right of the door to ring the bell. 

It only takes three seconds for Kim Seokjin to open it with a wide smile. “Welcome!” 

Yeona squeals, legs kicking all over the place and you finally set her down for her to enter first. Not before giving her uncle’s leg a big squeeze of her own, “Thank you, Uncle Jinnie! Love it so much!” 

He chuckles, smoothing down her hair, “Anything for the birthday girl! You haven’t even taken a look around yet, sweetheart. Go find Uncle Joon and he’ll show you everything.” 

“Okay!” Her form is only a blur when she rushes out. 

He smiles. “You guys are on time,” and he says it like it’s a complete surprise. 

A brow arches. “When are we not?” 

“New years,” he recalls. “You both made it five minutes late after the countdown.” 

Jungkook slips behind you to set the bags down. “That’s not fair.” 

You agree. “Yeona was two years old that year. She had a hard time handling the fireworks. I had to coax her to sleep through the phone that night.” 

His head tilts in reason, “Fair.” 

Jungkook nudges you. “Where do you want these?” 

You shrug, turning to Seokjin. “Depends where you want us, Jin.” 

“It’s up to you guys. Taehyung and Jimin already took two of the guest rooms. There’s only three more.” 

“Kiumin is sleeping over, so they can have one room,” you calculate. “And Hyejin’s coming with Kiumin, so we can split.” 

The older man stares wide-eyed at his roommate. Jungkook stares back with the same expression, so Seokjin asks for him, “Split?”

You’re too busy with some of the messages on your phone regarding birthday wishes to your daughter, vaguely returning them with typed out thank you’s and kissy faces. “Yeah.” 

“Does that mean you and—“

You send him an odd stare before turning around and grabbing onto your own bags, disregarding Jungkook’s. “Of course not—? I’m rooming with Hyejin and Jungkook can have the extra room to himself.”

“.. Right.” 

“Is it this way?” You ask without a clue to the men behind you. 

“Uh, yeah! Let me help you,” Seokjin rushes. 

Jungkook is left at the doorway, all alone and with his own bags and a fuming heart that drags as if the slim possibility of what would have happened was anything more to go by.

-

It’s nighttime now. 

You’ve directed Hyejin to your room and have let her unpack while you watched over Yeona and her little boy. 

Your knees bend into a crouch, the familiar smell of chlorine filling your senses when you near the water. 

Jungkook's hair flicks back when his fingers push through them and the blue rays of the water reflect against his chest. His collarbones glisten against the minimal light the night provides, making it harder to strictly set your eyes forward and stray away from anything that wasn’t his own. 

“You couldn’t have waited a second for everyone to settle in before dipping into the pool?” 

He pouts. “Why?”

Head tilting, you pin him a stare and direct your eyesight towards the pink floatie in the corner, swaying calmly. “Because Yeona’s been eyeing that giant flamingo and now she’s asking to hop in with you.” 

“Let her in, then. Namjoon’s already here.”

Your head turns to the outdoor bar and they pin the figure reading a book with amusement when he sends off a small wave. 

“But then Kiumin..” 

Hyejin walks in with a relaxed sigh at the sight in front of her when she passes through the widened double-doors. “Too bad it’s nighttime. I could’ve been tanning.” 

“Hyejin!” You gawk at her bikini. “You’re going in too?” 

She nods in an obvious answer. “Kiumin’s been begging me to let him jump in since we’ve gotten here, and with a view like this — how could I say no?” 

Jungkook points. “See? Our friend is obviously taking the advantage of being here.” 

“We are way far from friends, Jeon,” she practically snarls back. “It’s almost insulting when you say it like that.” 

“Hyejin,” you warn, and turn back to the man standing in the waist-deep side of the pool now. 

Ignoring your friend’s hatred fueled statements, he coaxes. “Come on,” he lulls. “Taehyung and Jimin are already planning to jump in too.” 

Your head shakes in decline, “I can’t. I didn’t even pack a swimsuit, only Yeona’s.” 

“I have one laying out for you in the room,” Hyejin pitches and your eyes widen significantly. “It’s the one I’ve been meaning to give you.” 

“Perfect!” Seokjin claps by the doors, tray full of glasses and the two children following right behind him. “We can start having a pool party!” They immediately cheer and your mind starts to reel in defeat. 

You rub your arms shyly, “I-I’m fine. I don’t really feel like swimming right now..” 

Hyejin snorts. “Don’t even lie. We used to be obsessed with the pool when we were kids. We can do it again for old times’ sake! Show our kids where they got it from.” 

“Literally, what does that have to do with anything in wanting to swim? Aren’t kids naturally drawn to the pool, because it’s a pool?” You grit. 

“I’m just saying to take the chance and relax,” she stresses and her arms extend, waving around carelessly. “We’re here!” 

“You’re going to miss out if you don’t get in,” Jungkook bets, and he knows how much you despise being the outsider while everyone had their share of fun. You loathed the plain idea of it. “Just put the bikini on and stop being a pussy.”

“J-Jungkook!” 

Childish. Absolutely childish.

You hear footsteps approaching right behind you, the vow reaching your ears. “I’ll only jump in if we do it together.” 

Taehyung’s head shakes side to side, eyes narrowing at the shorter man with apprehension. “You pull back every fucking time we do it. I won’t fall for it again.”

Jungkook’s throat clears at the two and he orders his friends, “Tell _____ to get in the pool.” 

Taehyung’s brow furrows, “She doesn’t want to? It’s the pool—and we’re in Jeju!” 

You stubbornly shake your head. “Don’t care.” 

Jimin has a teasing glint in his eye, something you dislike a lot when it’s crystal clear he has something stirring up in his sick head of his, especially since Taehyung had turned down the proposal of his playful and expectant joke.

“We can—grab her and push her in?” He suggests. 

“That’s elementary school shit, Jimin,” you warn. “Get away from me.” 

He’s inching closer and you’re nervously sputtering for Jungkook, helplessly calling for him to get his friend from throwing you in the water so carelessly. 

Luckily, a small hand grapples onto you and it’s Yeona with eager feet who stops Jimin in his tracks. “Mommy, t-the pink birdie!” 

You have a staring contest with it, the one side of the floating flamingo’s eye stares back at you and you exhale a puff before finally standing back up. “Alright, come on. Let’s get dressed.” 

-

The white bikini on you terrifies you enough to cross your arms over yourself and skirt around the edge of the pool until you reach the chairs where Hyejin sits. 

No one’s noticed yet. Not when Jungkook and the rest were already in the pool, putting on the floaties for the children who sat on the pathed ledges made of stone. At some point, you can see both of Jungkook’s eyes completely wiped out and squeezed shut when Yeona excitedly flaps her arms around the water, hyper to get in. 

“Hyejin,” you hiss out, finally reaching your friend. 

She hums with furrowed brows, too distracted in trying to connect her phone to the bluetooth speaker. 

“Why in the world would you give me something like this. I-It’s too much,” you whimper out weakly. 

Her eyes roll back. “It’s a bikini, _____. Remember those? I bet you look great—“ She screeches, chin dropping, hands hovering over her mouth. You flinch, just as shocked as she was, shushing her to shut up before anyone even has the chance in blinking your way. 

“Holy shit.” 

Eyes squeezing shut, you shy in on yourself, carefully taking the wooden pool-chair beside her. “Please, shut up.” 

Her arms raise, “I haven’t said anything—yet.” 

You scowl. “You seriously couldn’t have given me any other fucking set? Like a wetsuit? This is too weird for me.” 

She cackles. “Relax,” she attempts to ease. “Why are you so freaked out? It’s just a swimsuit.” 

Your head knocks back against the wood and you sigh tiredly. “It’s been way too long since I’ve worn something like this. Something not.. Mom-ish.” 

“And why not? This literally proves how much of a Milf you really are!” She stresses. 

You shrug shyly. “I haven’t had much of a reason to.” 

“Well, I’m begging you to. Seriously, _____,” she reassures. 

You quietly break into a laugh, smacking at her arm harshly. 

“Where’s mommy?” You hear Jungkook suddenly ask, and you think you’re a hundred percent fucked. 

Yeona’s voice is muffled against your ex-husband’s chest, incoherently explaining, “Mommy was already running away when we got outside.” 

“Running away?” 

“Yeah! Kind’ve like a ninja. She was there and then—poof!” 

You don’t even announce your bathroom break to Hyejin, standing up and rushing over towards the doors that were close yet so far away.

It would only be a second before you would reach it, and straight into changing back to the sundress that was always deemed as safe. 

Part of you wishes that you could parade around with no care, being so long since you’ve gone out in something like this. But another part that tears you completely, thinks about Kim Seol and how different she is compared to you. 

With stark personalities and looks, you most likely would have never even thought about comparing you from her. But now that Jungkook was going out with her, everything’s changed, and your mind reels into thinking how in the world he had the chance of going to someone else completely different from you, and if he even liked you in the first place, relationship and marriage long forgotten, not even being considered in this context. 

You weren’t exactly sure how long this feeling would last, and maybe it wouldn’t, sticking to all of the new relationships he would continue to open up now that he was available. 

Sure, he’s seen you plenty of times in bed and in the shower from the past years of being together. But this is now and before he had anything younger, more vibrant. 

This was possibly the only thing you could take away from him. Seeing anything physical to compare you with another was the only thing you truly, absolutely wished for. 

You accidentally collide against something. Hard and wide. 

And when you eventually look up, you’re relieved to only find Namjoon with a bag of chips in hand. 

“Shit, are you okay?” 

“I-I’m fine, Joon. Sorry for—running?” 

He chuckles, pointing back to his boyfriend back inside of the house. “Save it for the lifeguard, but he’s off-duty right now mixing margaritas for everyone.”

You attempt to let out the same energy of a laugh as his, but it all turns dry and brittle, making him halt and inspect. “You okay, _____?” 

“O-Of course I am.” 

A few murmurs are made at the back of your figure until a small voice calls out, “Mommy! Over here!” 

Letting out a small gasp, you reluctantly turn around, weakly mustering a smile and avoiding the eyes that officially lay on you when he notices. 

“Hi, baby.” 

“Mommy!” She splashes. “Swim with me and daddy!” 

“U-Uh..”

“Looks like your daughter wants you to get in the pool.”

Turning back to Namjoon, you stiffly nod, “Yeah.” 

“If you’re worried about the temperature, don’t worry. It’s heated.” 

Far from your true concern, you manage to give him a thumbs-up and head back to the very place you’ve been trying to escape. 

“I’ll be there in a minute, okay? Let me go get Aunt Hyejin first.” It’s truly for your sake more than for hers, a cry for help in a situation you could have easily avoided if you had just never put the bikini on. “I hate this,” you managed to mutter against your breath when you finally reached her. “I’m never listening to you ever again.” 

She yelps when you rip the towel away from her, tugging tightly at her arm, urging her to get up. “Hey!” She pouts. 

“Come on,” you order. “Yeona wants to swim and I am not doing this alone.” 

She sits up and observes, quietly biting on a sly chuckle when she notices. 

“What now?” 

“Nothing,” she waves off. “It’s just—your ex is making googly eyes right now.” 

You groan, stomping impatiently. “Hyejin, stop lying and get up.” 

“I’m not lying,” she pleads. “I swear — I’m looking at him right now!” 

“I don’t care,” you deadpan. 

When she finally stands, you put a death-grip on her arm and timidly walk towards the pool. 

“Ouch.”

“Sorry,” you sheepishly say, releasing a bit. 

It’s a pleasant feeling when the warm water wets the bottom surface of your feet, and your shoulders subconsciously relax when your waist-deep. 

Hyejin coos at her little boy, proud of her son when she watches Jimin help, something more in her eyes that go starry at the man who leads him through the water. 

“Thanks, Hyejin,” you whisper.

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” she pats softly at your arm. “I know how nervous you are and all. Just don’t, okay? You’ll be fine.” 

You weakly smile at her again before finally sending her off. 

When she moves out of your view and directly towards Jimin and her son, you find Yeona eagerly waiting for you. 

Taehyung has his eyes blown at the sight of you, whistling with your name trapped between his lips, which exactly makes you wrap your arms tighter around yourself. Of course, he’s teasing, the natural flirt in him most likely powering over him. 

Fortunately, you’re saved when he gets whacked with a strong push of water, Jungkook’s doing. You don’t notice it when your daughter cutely dog-paddles towards you. 

All is forgotten, smile setting on your lips.

“Mommy! Stay right there, okay? I’ll swim to you.” 

“Oh,” you perk, arms already rising beneath the water. With the long distance, you subtly move forward when her legs kick to make it easier on her, and within a few seconds, she’s splashing against your arms with a squeal. 

You giggle. “Are you having fun?” 

“So much, mommy!” She exclaims. “Daddy threw me up high when I wanted a splash.” 

You gasp with a smile, nerves diminishing. “Really? I wish I was there to see it.” 

“Are you too cold?” A voice asks from behind her and you hesitantly face Jungkook, always polite and concerned for your well-being, except there was definitely something else in his eyes you weren’t able to pinpoint and didn’t bother to anyway, now that you were in the water. 

You stiffly smile and shake your head. “I’m fine. The water feels really nice.” 

He nods. “T-That’s good.” 

God, he feels like it’s high school all over again, having no utter idea in starting a conversation with a girl, wanting to, but not even knowing exactly how.

Still, he can’t stop the burning stare, even when your attention zeroes back in on Yeona. 

The nice music sets a comforting nuance around the place, hearing splashes coming from everywhere, specifically when Seokjin’s yelling resonates from the chairs when Taehyung targets him with a cheeky grin. 

“The slices of watermelon are here, you dick!” He scowls. 

Jimin butts in with a scold to the older man, telling him to censor his words around the children. 

Jungkook doesn’t have time to hear the continued argument when he’s hit with an expectant splash of water of his own. 

He doesn’t even need to ask a second later when he hears the both of you giggling. Wiping away the drops on his face and in his eyes, he brushes strands of hair back to get a good look at the satisfied looks on both of your faces. He approaches slowly. 

Your head shakes, already aware of what Jungkook was doing — getting his revenge. 

“I-It was Yeonie’s idea!” 

She only giggles louder, knowing fully well she would easily be the untouched one out of this. 

“Jungkook, I swear to god if you do anything to me-“ 

Your warning goes straight out when strong arms turn you around to face your daughter. Fully wrapping them around your form for a slim chance of being able to escape, you hear a soft chuckle against your ear. 

“I think it’d be fun to splash mommy, huh?” He teases and you tense. 

“Jungkook—!” 

“Yeah, let’s do it!” She pumps a tiny fist from out of the water.

“Sweetheart, no! Listen to me-“

Your nose scrunches, hair whipping with you to cover your face when she splashes. Jungkook helps along the way by releasing an arm and moving some of the water forward against you to hit you square in the face. His wave comes stronger and does an excellent  job at soaking you completely.

You gasp, wiping some of the water away from your face. “Okay, please, I’m sorry,” you whine, gripping his wrists softly, eyes squeezed shut.

He falters at the frail sight of you, easily making you his biggest weakness. 

“It’s okay, mommy,” Yeona speaks up first. “I forgive you.” 

“Hey!” You scoff with a pout. “It wasn’t even my idea.” 

Her eyes crease and she giggles loudly. 

“_____!” Hyejin suddenly calls, and your chin tilts up to find your best friend. “Kiumin wants to play with the birthday girl.” 

Yeona eagerly looks up at you and you simply nod with a smile, letting her small legs kick and float over to her best friend. 

“Ah,” you realize, now being all alone. “I think I should go now.” 

Still, with his arms wrapped around you, he leans closer, “What, why?” And it’s needy, wanting to pull you closer than what he already has. “Can’t you stay?”

“Yeona’s all the way over there and we’re..” Exes with barely anything to talk about or to get along in general. It wasn’t in the book you’ve written out for yourself and probably never will be. “I-I have to get her cake ready. Your mom worked really hard on it.”

“I’ll help you put the candles on it,” he quickly offers. “Just.. Just stay here with me for a while.” 

A brow raises and you turn in his arms. “And do what?” 

He feigns in thinking about it, sharp jaw tilting for you to settle your eyes on. 

Seokjin interrupts with a call of his name and a raised brow at the sight. 

You clear your tight throat and gulp when he hands Jungkook a towel. “Your phone is ringing,” and then carefully gives it to him over the water. 

You observe him as he answers. “Hello?” 

A female voice is heard on the other end and you sense the way he pulls back a bit, that it was Seol. Her muffled voice is enough to push you back into reality and to what exactly you were doing before the call. 

“Ah, hey..” He awkwardly greets, nodding to whatever she was saying. Your head turns away when his eyes land on yours and you feign interest at the potted plant set right next to the door that led inside. “I’m at the house now with.. Everyone else.” 

He chokes up a bit when she says another thing, and you don’t understand until he returns the words. 

“I—I miss you too.” 

Swallowing harshly, your expression hardens, and you begin to pull back. 

“I’ll call you later tonight, alright?” He assures, almost in a rush. Your ears catch some of her words, not really interested in any of the conversation anyway, wanting to create a distance between you and Jungkook before anything else would happen, before you would hear something else you wouldn’t want to be hearing at all. 

Finally hanging up, he takes a slow breath in and sets the phone at the side of the pool. 

You finally pull away from him completely. 

“_____.”

You give a curt smile. “Yeah?” 

His head shakes. “Nothing. It’s just.. Are you okay?” 

You nod, slightly with bewildering eyes, asking, “Why wouldn’t I be?” Then, you laugh softly. “We’re not married anymore, Jungkook.” He stiffens, jaw ticking and eyes shifting to catch your flat expression. “And from what I clearly remember — you’re seeing someone else.” You point towards the phone laying carelessly on top of the stone. 

For once, you feel bad for the poor girl who’s probably wondering when his goodnight text from him would be. 

You keep your eyes on his hands that sink and submerge into the water, and back to his sides. 

“Just because it’s our daughter's birthday does not entail us playing family again,” you mumble. “You took that all away from me two years ago, Jungkook.” 

He doesn’t say anything, shamefully looking down at the waves in the pool caused by Yeona a few feet away. A reminder that was given way too late. 

You nod again, turning slowly around. “I’m going to go get the cake ready. I’ll ask Hyejin to help.” 

With the distance you’ve given him, he finally looks up and finds a disapproving look being given by his own roommate, who had seen and observed every single second of the two of you together since being in the pool. 

He understood exactly why. 

-

Everybody eventually makes their way out of the pool and back into the house to hang out at. 

The same subtle music speakers through the house, the kids being fully entertained by the large television in the living room, and the inside of the house being overall in a mood and feeling that definitely differs from your own thoughts that constantly circle around your head. 

Whatever Jungkook was getting at in the pool, definitely wasn’t sitting with you right. And frankly, everything leading up to it too. 

The process of the divorce was already stripping and tiring enough, finalizing the documents and who would get exactly what was already overwhelming enough, but to throw all of that away and not even consider it when you’re wrapped in the arms you were so accustomed to was entirely stressful. 

It didn’t make sense. It never did when it came to him. 

“Yeonie, are you getting sleepy already?” You ask across the room from the kitchen as you watch your little girl yawn and squirm on top of the fluffy carpet she lays on. 

Her head stubbornly shakes with a pout set on her lips. 

Glancing at the clock sat beside her, it was only eight, but judging from the exertion taken place at the pool, Yeona must have been exhausted. 

Your feet move to where she lays lazily, crouching down and moving her towards your lap, you murmur, “Stay awake for me, baby. You haven’t even blown the candles or opened your presents yet.”

She yawns in protest and nuzzles her nose further into your neck. “Not even a nap?” 

Chuckling softly, probably making it worse for her when your fingers trace against her back, you repeat, “Not even a nap.” Saying it exactly knowing what that would entail, Yeona misinterpreting what a nap and sleep was more often than not. 

Jungkook comes back with damp hair and sweats, black socks shuffling through the floor until they reach you. 

“Hey,” you greet, looking down at the sleepy-head in your arms. “She’s tired.” 

He hums, crouching down with an endeared smile. “I can see.” 

“I swear,” you promise to Yeona, patting her back. “Dinner is almost done and then you can go to sleep, alright?” Your eyes search for Jungkook’s and you request, “Keep her awake while I get everything ready?” 

His arms stretch and extend out, and you pass off the small body in your arms. 

His lips instinctively purse to a gentle shush and rocks her gently when he feels her squirm. 

You glare. “I said keep her awake, not encourage her to count the sheep.” 

He winces. “This is new! Usually I’m doing the exact opposite.” He lifts her head, and begins his futile attempts in keeping her eyes open. “Alright, sweetheart. What mommy says, it always goes, so you’re going to have to help me out here, okay?” 

She mumbles incoherently. 

“Come on,” he nudges, “Up.” 

“Play that dancing game she likes,” you suggest. 

Taehyung from the couch, perks at that. “God, I love that game,” inputting himself in the conversation and inviting himself a second later, “Please count me in.”

“You think they have any games like that for kids?” He specifies with a swift look at his friend and Taehyung sends a throw pillow his way. 

Seokjin quickly dissipates it with a scold of how much the pillows cost and which country they were exactly from.

You eye the bar full of wires and game controllers, easily making the assumption quickly, “With the eight different consoles I’m staring at, they must.” 

His head dips down. “How does that sound, baby? You want to dance?” 

Yeona’s completely untouchable when she’s grumpy, so it doesn’t come to a surprise when her arms reels back to try to smack her father away from talking to her anymore. 

Luckily, he dodges it. 

But as her eyes open wider and catches an eyeful of Jungkook dancing along with Kiumin and Taehyung twenty minutes later, she ends up joining them in the end, the same jittery moves she first walked in with. 

You pull Hyejin out of her light conversation with Jimin, opting to question her tinted cheeks for later when it would be time to head to bed. 

Of course, Hyejin will want to pry whenever and wherever, deeming it acceptable when it’s noisy enough with the conversations and laughs airing through it. “Want to talk about it?” Hyejin, located beside you who unwraps the carefully decorated box, asks carefully. 

You feign cluelessness to the subject. “Not sure about what.” 

She pins you a stare. “Come on. I saw what happened. Everybody did.”

Shrugging, you grab the candles, sticking them carefully, three on top and three at the bottom. You would’ve gotten the actual number six, but Jungkook had argued that it would be more fun for your daughter to blow as many candles as she can, the singular candle not being enough for a kid’s satisfaction. 

“I don’t know,” you start unsurely. “It’s just weird, is all. It’s always hot and cold when I’m with him — having weird moments happen every so often and reminding him where the line starts and ends, and then acting perfectly poised when Yeona’s there.” 

Her back hits the counter as she leans, arms crossed and head shaking. “This needs to stop, _____,” she says honestly. “He can’t keep going back and forth like this, completely forgetting everything else that happened — you’re broken up for a reason.” 

“Forget it,” you dismiss with a bite to your lip. “It’s not like I stopped him on time. For a second, I forgot about everything too.” 

She’s visibly stumped, stern expression faltering and letting the silence bloom, other than the outdated pop music and stomping in the background. 

“_____..”

“I’m not going to sit here and blame him for every little thing that I could have controlled myself if I just stayed in my own lane,” distressed hands and fingers pull against your hair and you sigh out, eyes closing shut and feet swaying a little. The throbbing in your head continues and pulls at you venomously, like it couldn’t get enough from the first time. 

Hyejin’s eyes widen and she rushes over to you in full concern. “Babe, are you okay?” 

You nod, even if your furrowed brows clearly show the opposite. “Of course,” you pass off, eyes darting to the same place they’ve been at all night. 

He’s still dancing and smiling.

“He’s not my husband anymore.”

And you say it again, wanting it to stick inside of your head until it fully processes, that it’s your fault just as much as his, for playing against the papers and agreements you’ve spent so many nights and days over. A constant reminder for the rest of your life, and not the other. Not the one that consists of vows and promises. Never that one anymore. 

You muster a quick smile, turning to her gaping mouth who yearns to reach out, but you refuse it when you turn the corner, beginning to set everything up at the main table. 

“Is the birthday girl ready?” Your voice drags, upbeat lilt feigning the pounding in your head. 

High pitched squeals resound from the main room and their small feet bounce against the hardwood. 

Jungkook follows suit. 

“Me!” Yeona calls excitedly, “It’s me, Mommy!” 

“Woah,” Kiumin gapes. “You’re cake is awesome, Yeonie!” 

She giggles and hops on her tippy-toes to get a peek, “Thanks! My grandma made it.” 

“Oh,” Kiumin nods. “She’s awesome.” 

You chuckle softly at the kids, smiling down at the cute cake. You go to pull out your phone for pictures and videos to make sure she would see her work being fully appreciated. 

Jungkook hoists Yeona up on the chair, her lifted cheeks and glittering eyes proving her excitement when she sees the candles already lit. 

“Has it already been six years, already?” Seokjin asks in disbelief, plates and forks already in his hand to set down on the table. 

You nod, pouting and squishing one of her cheeks, “Already a big girl.” 

Yeona hums, “Basically a grown-up now!” 

Hyejin bursts in laughter, everybody following right behind. 

“Alright,” Jungkook sighs, arms circling around her softly, placing a kiss on the top of her head. Fondly staring down at his rapidly growing little girl, the same feeling you hold to your chest. “Don’t need to rub it into our faces, miss.” 

Your camera clicks on its own, a fond smile subconsciously forming. 

“Are we ready to sing?” Namjoon timidly asks. You turn to find him weary at the sight on the wax that begins to drip rapidly. “It’s just—the candles are starting to melt.” 

You laugh, nodding. “Alright, let’s sing.” 

It starts off normal, a little bit muted, until Kiumin bursts into a full performance for his best friend. Until Seokjin follows along and throws in an impromptu dance routine. Her father and the others join in right after, impressed at how eerily good it actually looked, almost looking rehearsed. But then you familiarize yourself with the sharp moves, the hands and arms showcasing that it was the corny traffic dance Seokjin taught them all a few years back on one drunk night.

Until eventually everybody does their best in throwing Yeona in a fit of giggles. 

You join her side and guide her into making a wish, clamping her hands shut and scrunching her eyes closed, until the commotion quiets and she opens her eyes with hopefulness written all over it. 

Kiumin is the first to question through the silence. “What’d you wish for, Yeonie?” 

She simply smiles, glancing at you from her side, and then moving her gaze straight to Jungkook. 

She subtly shakes her head, voice so soft, almost completely blurred into a whisper, “If I tell you, it’ll never come true.”

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

hi, i’m back omg. i had to take some time away bc midway of finishing this up, literally a few paragraphs away, i ended up having my mental health spiral down. but now, i’m better and managed to finish this part.

also please tell me ur thoughts! i crave validation n use ur feedback as my fuel towards anything i write. :]

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

#mine #bts #bts fanfic #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #jeon jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jungkook #jungkook fic #jungkook drabble #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #full stop

[magisteramentia]

The Resort - Arianna of Corporate

Arianna lifted her beige pleated skirt to show the underwear the Company had chosen for her, a matching set of blue bikini panties and bra, that combined with her blue top.

“Are you pleased, Master?” Arianna said and bent over the wooden desk.

Ariana had taken well to her training. In her daily life, she was barely aware she had become her boss’s, Julian’s slave.

With a little wiggle, she looked back to see if her boss was pleased.

She fixed her secretary’s glasses and smiled.

This was the way she had learned to show appreciation.

After Julian told her she won the sales competition to go on a corporate retirement, Ari was elated, so she had to show how thankful she was.

All their hard work finally paid off. All those hours he spent with her on the re-training program.

She barely remembered any of it, but it worked.

-----

Every day for the past month Ari arrived early to the office, logged onto her computer, and played the tutorial Julian prepared for her. All she could recall were the first few minutes where Julian talked about customer service, company loyalty, and... obedience? That couldn’t be right.

“Just because you don’t remember it doesn’t mean it isn’t working,” Julian reassured her, “Most learning is subconscious, like, how you learned to talk at first. You will notice the changes soon.”

He gave her a dismissive smile before getting back to work on his own computer.

Arianna sat down back at her computer and kept with the tutorial; even with all her doubts and how boring the program was, she had to admit her sales were higher than her co-workers since she began following Julian’s regime.

Though she wasn’t sure how she was doing it.

All she noticed was that a week into the program, she was growing uncomfortable with her regular underwear.

What she didn’t notice was the following Monday she arrived early to give Julian a personal fashion show where he chose her new wardrobe and lingerie.

She was getting more clients, mostly men, and meeting them in their homes or hotels to talk about their insurance packages. They were very receptive to her new wardrobe, complimenting her professional look.

But while she walked out of the meetings hours later with signatures worth thousands of dollars, she was a bit confused as to how it got so late in the night.

From the time she spent at the office, she listened to the program recommending Ari made healthier choices. Eating fewer carbs, exercising more.

Once again she talked with Julian about it.

“A good presentation assures the clients of your professionalism,” Julian said, “I bet you realized that the new wardrobe is getting you better contracts, here.”

Julian showed her charts that demonstrated the spike in sales since she began dressing according to Julian’s recommendations.

Ari sat beside him and absentmindedly nodded as her mind drifted off.

Julian offered to provide her with protein supplements and to make time to help her find an adequate cardio routine.

Ari nodded and forgot what happened after.

From that day on, Julian called her to his office for their daily cardio routine, and every time she couldn’t remember what she did inside his office. By the time she walked out, her neck and jaw felt a bit sore. And sometimes, when she looked at the mirror to fix her makeup, she found stains on her clothes or a dollop of cream in her hair.

As the program progressed, arousal was one of the difficulties she kept encountering in her daily life. Arianna never felt so sexually frustrated. Before working under Julian she used to only need to relieve herself once or twice a week, read an erotic story in the bath or before going to sleep, using her hands or trusty her vibrator.

Nowadays, when she had free time, it was all she could think about. Sometimes she imagined some of her clients, sometimes it was Julian.

Her vibrator’s batteries kept dying out on her, always keeping her on edge but never able to cum unless... unless she pictured Julian.

Julian choosing her clothes.

Julian taking off her clothes.

Julian’s lips on her own.

Julian’s cock between her lips.

Julian pulling on her hair.

Julian fucking her brains out.

Julian cumming down her throat, on her lips, on her back.

“Fuck!” Arianna screamed as another charge died before she could cum.

The following morning Arianna felt groggy, exhausted, and constantly horny. Sitting at her desk, Arianna’s fingers absentmindedly reached for her pussy. Images of herself on her knees, with a collar around her neck, Julian spanking her and calling her name. She was almost there.

She was gasping and staring at the computer when Julian touched her shoulder.

“Arianna!” He called.

Arianna jumped in her seat. She was not wearing a bra that day, (Julian didn’t tell her to do so) and her nipples were erect under her blouse. She felt self-conscious and blushing. Her hands bolted to the side, cleaning her pussy juices on the fabric of her skirt. “Yes, Sir?, I mean Julian?”

Julian smiled, “Sir is fine, did you finish today’s tutorial?”

Arianna looked away and checked her computer. “Yes, Sir,” Arianna said.

“Good girl, Arianna,” He tapped her shoulder.

Arianna shuddered with pleasure.

“Keep the wonderful work.” He smiled and walked away.

“Sir?” Arianna called out to him.

“Yes?” Julian turned and watched Arianna fidget in her seat.

“I would... I was feeling a bit distracted. Maybe you could assist me with some of those cardio exercises you have been helping me with?” She thrust her chest forward and curled one lock of her hair.

“Sorry Ari,” He said and began walking away, “We have to close accounts soon and see who goes to the corporate retreat with me this month, you are taking the lead so far, just hold on like that for a little bit. I think you have an appointment this afternoon?”

“Right, yes Sir, thank you for reminding me,” Arianna nodded and deflated.

“Good girl, see you later,” Julian said and left.

Arianna had to bite her lip to keep herself from screaming as the orgasm shook her entire body.

After that meeting Arianna worked every afternoon, reviewing insurance policies with their clients over their dinner tables. She met new clients with the outfits that Julian suggested. And after every meeting that week she left shuddering, restless and sore, particularly around her breasts.

Every night she arrived at her home wet and increasingly horny, growing desperate and needy. Unable to cum, she fell asleep with her hands and vibe between her legs.

She blamed the excess of work on her sexual frustration; she was too tired to cum after all the sales she was closing.

On the last day of the competition, Arianna arrived to find a gift box on her desk.

There was a tiny note.

“Congratulations on completing the program.- Julian.”

Arianna opened the box and found a black collar with a metal ring on it.

She immediately put it around her neck and walked to Julian’s office.

“Did you like your gift?” Julian asked without lifting his eyes from the paperwork he was revising.

“I love it,” Arianna said, touching the leather collar.

Julian put down the pen and watched her blush.

“I think I have to give you a second commendation,” he said, “Since you are the leader in sales, you get to go with me to the beach for the corporate retreat,” Julian said with a wide smile and a growing erection.

“Thank you, sir.” She said bending over the desk and sliding her panties to the side.

“You deserve a reward for all your hard work.” He added and walked behind her.

He caressed her ass. His thumb pressing the small of her back like a button.

Arianna shuddered and arched, her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

“What are you?” Julian asked.

“Your loyal slave.” She droned.

“What is your purpose?” He asked.

“To serve you and please you, sir,” Julian slid his cock inside her.

“What are you going to do?” He began thrusting in and out of her.

“Anything you want, Master.” Arianna moaned.

That day she walked out of Julian’s office wearing a tag on her new collar.

She prepared for the trip with Julian by going to the salon and getting a Brazilian, despite Julian telling her how cute she looked with her brown bush between her legs, she didn’t want to embarrass him when wearing the new bikini he bought for her.

With something so tight and small, her pubes wouldn’t seem elegant.

-----

Arianna knelt on the carpeted floor of the hotel. Her eyes were foggy as she looked up and bobbed her head on the cock of a man from another branch of the company.

She was wearing a blue dress with ample cleavage that showcased the chain dangling from the collar around her neck.

The man fucked Arianna’s head until he came inside her mouth. She gulped it all down, careful to not let a single drop fall and stain her dress, “Thank you, Sir,” Arianna said with a devoted smile and cleaned her mouth.

Before someone else took their turn with her, Julian approached from behind her and helped her up.

“You are doing great, Ari” Julian whispered and placed his arm around her back.

He led her through the crowded hall. Ari saw men and women on their knees, fellow pets and slaves sucking and licking their masters.

She gave Julian a vapid smile. “Thank you, Master.”

“Are you ready for the next part of your training?” Julian asked and pulled her close, caressing her naked back.

“I am your loyal slave, Master,” She cuddled close to him, “Your faithful pet to be trained as you please.”

Julian gave her a confident smile and pushed open the big wooden doors that led out of the main hall.

The resort provided a few select services, among them a tattoo parlor.

Julian told Ari to sit on the chair facing backwards and exposing her back.

Julian showed the tattoo artist the design.

The tattoo artist, a cute, petite girl with raven hair and many piercings and tattoos, sat behind Ari.

“Maybe you should distract her while I work.” She told Julian.

He nodded and stood in front of Ari, taking out his cock.

Ari’s lips parted. She took her tongue out, letting a silver thread of drool fall from her mouth to the floor before she began sucking him.

Ari spaced out and enjoyed the vibrations on her lower back and the taste in her mouth.

She was serving her master proudly, just as he taught her during her training. She took as much as she could, trying to maintain eye contact, which was difficult with every thrust from her boss and how the tattoo artist stopped from time to time to play with Ari’s pussy, making her eyes roll to the back of her head.

“I am proud of you, pet.” Her Master said, caressing her face. She was so elated she almost came from the praise.

She pulled out the cock from her mouth to speak

“Thank you, Master.” She said with a smile and swallowed him whole.

A woman walked into the tattoo parlor and stood behind Julian. She was wearing a black suit with a pencil skirt. She had short black hair and diamond earrings.

She blew on Julian’s ear.

“Fuck!” He turned his head back and shivered.

She watched him fuck Ari’s head and gave him a Mona Lisa smile.

“Did her service training include female satisfaction?” She asked Julian with a demanding tone.

Julian pulled his cock out of Ari’s mouth, leaving her panting and drooling.

“I...” Julian gulped, “I... never asked. The program was supposed to cover it.” He said and stood aside.

“We will have to find out.” The woman said. She stood in front of Ari and lifted her skirt, exposing her naked bush; she parted her lips with her manicured hands and Ari began licking her earnestly, hungrily. Overtaken by instinct.

Ari lapped and sucked the woman in front of her. She was the first woman she ever serviced, but she did it expertly.

The tattoo artist finished her work and stood back while her clients finished. She could wait a little while to collect her tip.

The woman gave Julian an approving nod, and Julian took his place behind his slave. He lifted Ari’s ass, caressing the brand on her back. A mark of ownership to the company, to him. To his Mistress.

He pushed his cock inside Ari, making her release a sweet, soft moan.

Ari’s tongue dutifully pleased the woman in front of her. The tangy musk she breathed made her mind foggier than usual. Despite that, Ari didn’t neglect her duties to her Master. She moved her ass in a rhythm that she knew pleased her boss.

The woman’s legs gave in as she felt how Ariana relentlessly, yet kindly, pressed her clit with her tongue and her hands caressed her legs, her labia, and eventually drove her fingers inside her pussy with her lips and tongue still sucking her hard.

The sight of his slave, making another woman orgasm, brought Julian to the brim and made him release his pent-up cum inside her.

Ari felt a jolt of pleasure surge through her, making her eyes roll to the back of her head.

Her hanging tongue dripped with saliva and cum.

The woman cupped Ari’s chin and licked Ari’s tongue.

The tattoo artist walked behind her and handed her a handkerchief that the woman used to clean her wet pussy before fixing her clothes.

“May I?” The tattoo artist asked, pointing to Ari’s head.

“Go ahead.” The woman said.

The tattoo artist grabbed Ari’s head and positioned her against her eager pussy.

Ari pleasured the new woman automatically and with the same eagerness as she did before.

Julian’s cock popped out of Ari. A thread of cum still linked the two of them.

“It was a pleasant experience.” The woman said, grabbing Julian’s limp cock and caressing it back to life. “Maybe you would care for an exchange program?”

The tattoo artist gave pleasant screams while Ari greedily devoured her.

“We will see,” Julian gasped, “We still have the week ahead of us, Mistress,” Julian said and knelt in front of his boss.

“And she still has to serve many others.” His Mistress added, watching Ari bring the tattoo artist to an orgasm.

As Ariana recovered from the fogginess and noticed the scene surrounding her, with a pussy on her tongue, she knew she was going to enjoy the corporate retreat a lot. If her Master or Mistress allowed her.

#hypno kink #hypnokink #magister amentia #mind control #nsftumblr #nsft

[dystopiandilfs]

Did you ever like Karl or has he always annoyed you? He seems to be the only cc you have a severe problem with and I just wondered if its always been that way or if there was a tipping point.

I used to be fine with him for the most part,I was annoyed about him giving the awful DreamSMP tour where he just spoke about himself for an hour but other than that nothing big bothered me it was little comments, but then his whole weird moaning thing started and it fucked with my sensory issues and then Tales happened and that fucked up my ADHD and it spiralled into me not being able to watch anything with him in because he became so obnoxious. My issue with Karl is mostly a personal thing however his weird dodgy comments and stupidly racism enabling background just made him unlikable to me. Like yes people obviously change and grow but he apologised for things then a week later did it again and it happened multiple times which just made him look incredibly ignorant.

I did actually watch an alt stream and it was fine and it was just him then like a week later was the among us stream where he just had this bit of claiming to be part of every group and it just bothered me for some reason. He's fine when it's just him but he has this pick me energy whenever someone else is in call, he has the be the loudest, he has to get the most laughs, he's got the Mr Beast mindset of being big and loud for everything.

I do think a lot of it is his persona activates my fight or flight mode however he also reminds me of my obnoxious ex boyfriend. I think all that combined just makes me hate him.

I don't hate people who enjoy him unless they're the idiots who tag Karl bring racist and Karl neg, or spammed him with "you don't need to apologise" and shit like that. In my opinion he by far has the worst fanbase of the DreamSMP because they harass and threaten people who have a slightly negative opinion on him. A big example that sticks with me is when one of my friends tweeted about how she thought one of the Tales episodes was messy and her dm's and replies got spammed with s*lf h*rm videos and people saying he's a tutorial of shst you should do. Like that's why I don't like Karl because some of his fans are awful and I don't want to be associated with that.

My tipping point was the covid thing first it was the constantly traveling and wasting of tests then it was the snarky comments about Sapnap moving in with Dream and how nobody had an issue with Sapnap travelling (he said it on stream and liked and unliked a few tweets), then it was the general ignorance about covid. I think a lot of it is that Karl is older than me but comes off super immature and not like fanbase pandering levels of acting immature.

#EvangelineNeg #karl jacobs critical

[razorblade180]

Ok I gotta ask this now since I just saw your post. How would you have written ddd and kh3 to make it a tighter more impactful plot? (Also would love to know how you would write narusaku or any other naruto ship

[please comment below. This took so much time and it would suck if no one read this😭💀]

I can already tell this will go beyond the line limit so buckle up everyone. We’re only focusing on KH right now. Let’s start with DDD

Dream Drop Distance

Let’s get the major change out of the way, Kairi is on this adventure. Why? Because there’s two previous games where they express how she wants to actively help and KH2 has lines of her saying she refused to be left behind anymore. This works out just fine for Yen Sid, since this test is supposed to be a relatively safe. Sora and Riku are officially taking their mark of mastery exam but for Kairi, this serves as a hands on learning course. Going the sleeping worlds together for them to learn proper keyblade wielding sounds perfectly fine. All three get out on the island, fight Ursula in the tutorial, and then Xehanort starts his shenanigans just like in the game. Here’s the difference! Sora and Kairi are still together, while Riku still accidentally dives into Sora’s dreams.

Immediately the trio would know something isn’t quite right but the only option is press on start figuring things out while completing their task from Yen Sid. This is where gameplay is now a bit different. You play as Sora with one dream eater and Kairi as your support characters while Riku plays the same. The drop system is still the same everything. Sora and Kairi go through worlds together and get to interact. At the beginning Kairi doesn’t know much but gains abilities/confidence as you progress. Sora ends up serving as a mentor for her and guides her through the troubles of going on your first adventure. It’s a good way to put Sora in a more mature role. He’s forced to keep his wits about in order to keep Kairi safe because he doesn’t know the organization is actually after him.

We get a couple of scenes of Kairi getting better and helping Sora through the worlds which still play out the same basically. Bad guys show up and say mysterious things before leaving and the two deal with Disney problems. Riku’s doesn’t change at all because. Things only start to get really different after Symphony of Sorcery. Young Xehanort shows up at the very end of it and goes after Kairi to bait Sora into rushing to save her. Sora ends up getting hurt in the process and Young Xehanort kidnaps him here and immediately leaves before Kairi can do anything. She’s now angry at herself for not being able to apply what Sora had taught her when it truly mattered. She couldn’t protect him or herself. Kairi almost wants to give up but meow-wow lifts her spirits and she finds the resolve to fight before. Sora would never give up, especially when it came to saving his loved ones. Kairi is now a playable character and able to do all the commands that aren’t character exclusive. His dream eaters stick around and become her party members.

You go through The World That Never Was as her back in KH2 attire, fighting her way through it and she’s the one that gets told how the organization has been tracking them and all the other plot things; including why they want Sora. Kairi ends up being the one to have to fight Xemnas and even though she’s outclassed, she’s gonna give him all she’s got. On Riku’s side he sees all the weird dream imagery in Sora’s head since he’s in Sora’s dreams with the added glimpse of Kairi trying her best against Xemnas; motivating him even further to hurry up and make it to her. He still confronts Ansem and makes peace with himself. Riku finally makes it out of Sora’s dreams but retains his dream eater powers like in the game and rushes to help Kairi. He makes it half way through the fight and Kairi tells Riku to back her up. The two of them fight together with you still playing as Kairi and manage to push him back. Riku is extremely surprised by her progress and both of them go together to save Sora because he knows telling her to stay back is not an option. Riku and Kairi both fight Young Xehanort together.

Everything is mostly the same after that in terms of plot and everything that happens in the cutscenes. Including Axel showing up. Riku convinces Kairi to stay when he jumps back into Sora’s dreams, telling her someone has to make sure everything goes fine in the real world and that person has to be her. Riku comes back out after is boss fight and those cutscenes and he sees those two slackers having a tea party. Yen Sid commends all three for their bravery, especially Kairi. He also apologizes. Riku gets named a master, Sora doesn’t. Sora thankd his friends and told Kairi he was proud of her before he left to go thank the dream eaters. Even though she did well, Kairi knew without Riku, the dream eaters, or Sora, she wouldn’t have lasted as long as she did. She wanted to be strong enough to protect herself and others. So Kairi asked Yen Sid if she could have further training. Yen Sid told her and Lea about the dimension where they could train and they both accepted. Riku asked what he should do now and then the 0.2 conversation happens off screen. Boom, DDD rolls it’s credits.

Kingdom Hearts 3 [internal screaming]

Okay! So I gotta tackle this one a little different. First of all, let’s live in a world where ReMind came apart of KH3 (as it should’ve) now let’s put the cutscene between Luxord and Xigbar where it belongs at the beginning of the game, and then let’s put the cutscenes of MoM/ the organization discussing the members somewhere in in middle of the game. Like after Monsters Inc. Because that information had no reason to be hidden. It reveals nothing, but explains how people are back which is important. This knowledge doesn’t even spoil the Luxu reveal!

Second, I have to explain my two major problems that really hurt this game for me. Plot pacing and only setting things up halfway or not at all. So I’m going to tell you what changes narritive and gameplay wise I would’ve changed. Then I’ll go through the game including those changes.

Sora getting his power robbed consequence will be in every world and weigh on him.

The time characters get rescued/revealed

Ventus and Roxas’s heart influence

Isa’s plan

Aqua’s trauma

Xion, Vexen, and Demyx appearances.

Multiple playable characters.

Kairi and Lea contributions.

Also if I don’t mention something then assume it happened just like in the game.

Okay, let’s get started at Olympus. Everything is the same except one thing that I will continue to do for the other worlds. Sora will try to be proactive in stopping an Organization member, triggering a 1v1 boss fight. He’ll fight Xigbar and lose so bad that his friends have to save him. This puts in perspective that Sora really has lost his powers and is frustrated about it. This will do two things. One of them is make him slowly get more upset when someone brings up him failing the exam, being a half pint, or not being able to do things on his own. I’ll come back to the second thing later. Sora is order to continue to gain the power of waking while leaving finding Aqua to Mickey and Riku.

Twilight Town is also basically the same. However, the Demon Tide really roughs him up. Ansem and Xemnas bring up how they hope Roxas didn’t get this weak as well just to anger him. Sora wants to put them in their place but is convinced not to by Donald and Goofy. Now he’s doubting himself internally a little. Also Merlin shows up now instead of later. The trio bump into him and He tells Sora that Lea and Kairi actually are almost done training because they trained in a place where time didn’t matter. The moment they went in should’ve technically they came out but I’m being generous. Sora is shocked to realize his short time at Olympus might’ve equaled months of training for Kairi or even longer.

Toy Box is the same with the addition of fighting Young Xehanort and losing to him before a gigas piloted by his friends intervene. We still get the comment about putting hearts into vessels of their pleasing. When the world is over Kairi calls to tell him she’s finishing training and wants to see him back at Yen Sid’s tower.

Kairi and Lea are both really jazzed about how strong they’ve gotten and ready to help. Before they do, Kairi asks for a friendly spar against Sora. While he does win, he is amazed by how strong she’s gotten. Kairi comments on how she’s still lacking the real battle experience and skill he’s gain over time and he actually starts to feel better, until she asks if she could go to a world with him to get it. He wouldn’t mind it if wasn’t for one thing, he’s worried he might not be enough to save her if she needs help. Not with all his strength gone. He keeps this to himself and Kairi and Lea end up tagging along to Kingdom of Corona. On this world you get the option to be Sora with Rapunzel Flynn has mandatory party members and the choice to choose Kairi and Lea or Donald and Goofy; Or you can play as Kairi which automatically makes the party during gameplay Flynn, Rapunzel, Sora, and Lea. This works out fine because half this world has Rapunzel and Flynn leave your party so the other two characters can fill in during those sections.

So the Disney plot in this world doesn’t have to change one bit. The changes that happen all occur with all the Kingdom hearts characters. For example, Marluxia now meets Sora, Lea, Kairi, Donald and Goofy when he first reveals himself. We get sassy and rude dialogue between Marluxia and Lea about being alive and who’s actually the traitor this time around. Lea can also fill Sora in on CoM since no one does it. What makes this scene important is the moment Marluxia directs his attention towards Kairi, she starts getting really nervous and Namine’s voice comes out unexpectedly, telling him to stay back. It’s Namine who’s actually nervous, terrified even. Sora might not have the memories, but the entire exchange is enough for his heart to remember the intense desire to protect Namine from Marluxia. Sora and Lea get in between the two. Marluxia only looks at everyone and can’t help but get a little nostalgic. “The more things change, the more they stay the same. Except for one...” he says that vague response referring to how Lea and Rikuplica switching sides, then he leaves.

The next major change is Soar and Kairi spend time at the festival together and share a moment during the lantern scene. It’s at this time Sora expresses the doubt he has to protect her and the others with his current strength. Kairi tells Sora that he can do anything he puts his mind to and to never lose that smile of his. She tells him how they will protect each other and that his heart will never steer him wrong. This touching moment is ruined when Donald screams off camera. The Nobodies shown up. Everyone quickly jumps into action when another hooded figure appears. Sora goes off to pursue them triggering Lea to follow him. Sora is evenly matched with the figure back and then hood falls off. It’s Xion. Immediately seeing her causes an intense reaction from Roxas’s heart that screws up Sora in the fight and he his taken out by her. Xion planned to take him but Lea intervenes, causing both of them to get a painful reaction to each other. Marluxia shows up to retrieve Xion, who was sent there for a test run and leaves Axel in pain because Kairi caught up to protect both of them despite the fear from earlier. All he can see is Namine finally taking a real stand against him before finally going. Sora wakes up that morning on the outskirts of the kingdom where he sees Flynn riding Maximus with Lea still out of commission. Donald and Goofy looked after him while Kairi helped resuce Flynn. He tells Sora about what’s happened to Rapunzel and they all go rushing to the tower, except for Kairi who’s understandably tired, and chooses to look after Lea since he’s also still recovering. The rest of the world stays the same.

Sora and the gang try collecting their thoughts and info while in the gummi ship. So many things were happening so fast. Sora tried to apologize to Lea and Kairi but they told him there was no need. They end up going to Yen Sid again for answers to things like the new seven princesses. While there, Donald ends up taking another jab at Sora for still not having the power of waking. Sora actually gets fed up this time around, frustrated with himself mainly. He yells how he’s doing the best he can and it’s not like Donald is being of any real help either. Sora claims that he can do this on his own and takes off to the Gummi Ship before anyone could really get a word in.

Monster Inc ends up being the next world he finds himself in but not by choice. Sora had been so worked up he had forgotten the ship ran on smiles and crash landed to the nearest world. That’s not all, Kairi had actually manage to sneak aboard by surprise. Now he felt bad about endangering her but didn’t get to apologize before Kairi bonked him on the head. She reminded Sora about their conversation on the pier and expressed how determined she was to knock Sora out of his funk. They’d be stranded here otherwise. Through all of that it slipped their minds that they were monsters now and decide to look around. One thing that immediately stirred something within Kairi’s memories was the unversed which convinced them that this place was now definitely worth looking around. The plot points of this world are pretty much the same. As you go through the factory making Boo laugh. Sora is also gaining his cheerfulness back and opening up more to Kairi about how down this situation had gotten him. He was happy she was here to cheer him up. Vanitas shows up and still gets thrown through doors. Sora wonders about his desire to save Aqua so quickly stems from the possibility of Ventus’s heart sleeping in his. Kairi tells Sora about how Namine’s heart reacted to Marluxia which only made his thought more valid. He tells Kairi how he really thinks he can save her and Kairi agrees, but tells Sora it would be easier with more people. He needed to make up with Donald and to some extent, Goofy. As if on que the gummi phone rings with Chip and Dale telling Sora that they’ve lost trace of Riku and Mickey in the Realm of Darkness. What’s worse is Donald and Goofy acted rashly at the news and took Yen Sid’s star shard, sending them to who knows where. It was possible that they actually got sent to the Realm of Darkness! Sora calls Ienzo to ask if he knows a way there but he only knows about the corridors of darkness.

Kairi tells Sora that he really is connected to Ventus then maybe he can open a gate. Even if he can’t, Sora’s connection with his friends might do something. He just has to do what he did to get to Olympus. Sora opened a gate that brought him and Kairi back to Destiny Islands where they found Donald and Goofy. More importantly, an unfimiliar keyblade. Sora uses it to create a door and heads off. The others try to follow him but he tells them that they need to stay behind just in case. He also apologizes for his outburst which prompts Donald and Goofy to apologize for not seeing how much the teasing was getting to him. Kairi tells him to be safe and Sora smiles truthfully. He just has to believe in himself like she said. He can do this. Sora goes through the door.

Sora drops right in the middle of the Riku vs Aqua fight and things play out normally until the halfway point where the darkness in her becomes almost too much for Sora. Just like with Vanitas, Ventus’s heart starts to react to seeing Aqua in such a state. Suddenly Sora summons Master’s Defender again and holds it back handed. Aqua is left shocked, she can only see the friend she promised to wake up. With a heavy heart she manages to ask for help and Sora nods. You play the remainder of the fight with attacks and even a command style used by Ventus. He’s calling the shots now. You beat Aqua and she gets saved. Everyone’s happy, everyone’s crying.

Aqua takes Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Kairi to go wake up Ven while Riku and Mickey rest up. Sora gets more strange feelings at the sight of Castle Oblivion. He can’t help but think of Namine, as well as fuzzy memories of Marluxia and a few other people but he keeps it to himself. Aqua remakes the Land of Departure and they make their way to Ven. Vanitas shows up and Aqua challenges him alone. Instead of her loosing because she blocked a fireball with her body, We get Aqua losing because she’s still very tired and the PTSD she has from the realm of darkness. Everyone panics. Sora activates the power of waking to wake Ventus (I’ll cry when he thanks Sora) and he saves Aqua. Vanitas leaves.

Everyone regroups at Yen Sid’s tomorrow again. Finally, progress is being made in collecting guardians. Ventus and Aqua need more time to recover and choose to rest. Kairi keeps them company to learn more about them, her past, skills, and also take a break. All this adventure has gotten her really exhausted. Mickey goes looking for Ansem the Wise and Sora manages to convince Riku to tag along with him. Maybe they’ll find Terra? Onward to frozen!

Sora and the gang meet else Elsa and Riku empathizes with not being able to control power and being scared of hurting people close to him. Sora emphasizes with Anna when it comes wanting to help someone important to you but they keep running away and create things that make it harder to reach them. It’s one big moment of reflection and growth in this world. Larxene still shows up and Sora knows her by name surprisingly. The feelings of anger he gives her is all he needs to know that she cannot be allowed to do whatever she pleases. He tries stopping her but fails. He’s not too upset though. His previous accomplishments and encouraging words from Kairi push him forward. Unknowingly, Vexen shows up and has an argument with Larxene. She complains about why he’s heat and he tells her that he heard memories are extremely malleable here (trolls) and he’s come to look into it before leaving Larxene to her own devices. Elsa starts really thinking her powers are nothing but darkness but Riku convinces her otherwise. Elsa thanks him but that moment of weakness creates the boss of this world. Sora and Riku fight it with Snowball while Elsa goes to save Anna. Things work themselves out the same from there. Riku and Sora feel closer than ever and Riku tells Sora he’s a master in his own right which makes Sora’s day. Vexen got valuable data.

Ventus finally felt like his body was used to moving again and was ready to start getting back in the swing of things, but Aqua was still feeling down. The guilt of taking so long and trauma was weighing on her heart. Kairi tried everything to cheer her up but nothing helped. Kairi has no choice but to pull out the big guns. She called Sora. Through lot of persuading, he convinced her to tag along with him and Ventus to go traveling with him to get them up to speed. Part of the agreement was Riku and Kairi go finding more clues about Terra’s whereabouts so they stayed behind. Checking Radiant Garden again seemed like a good idea. Kairi hadn’t been so it would kill two birds with one stone.

Pirates world was next on the list. This time we there’s four organization members! Luxord goes looking for the box and Demyx is forced to help because Isa wants him to prove his worth or why even be around? They’re on the water so he should be decent muscle. Vexen is intrigued by Davy Jones but also dropped Xion off with Luxord to see if his recent research on memory would have her perform better than earlier. Aqua and Ventus marvel at the stars, thinking of Terra. Sora told the two of them about the first adventure he went on to look for his friends. Sora praises both of them by telling him that he was at least half as skilled as they were back then, telling them that they’ll find Terra way faster than he took finding Riku and Kairi. They came across the waterfall fell. Aqua nearly panicked at the thought of being trapped when they woke up in Davy Jones’s locker but Ventus calmed her down. Sora needed to find a way to build her back up. The plot of this world doesn’t change but gameplay does a little. Ven and Aqua will grant the pirates ship most of its abilities by controlling the wind and sea while Sora navigates. More fights by boat grant them more abilities and gets them back into the swing of things. Ventus and Sora team up during the air skirmish against the flying heartless. This invigorates Aqua not just because she wants to protect them, but they looked like they were having some fun. Yeah they were fighting a heartless but they were doing it together and trusted that they had each other’s back. Aqua had missed that feeling, it had been so long since it wasn’t her vs everything. She quickly got her chance to be apart of a team again in the underwater fight. Her nerves weren’t completely calm but Sora taking her hand and being excited about getting the treasure pushed those feelings away. She had friends again, friends that wanted treasure and to sail the seas with her. How could that not be fun. Sora happily let Aqua take the lead and supported her alongside Ventus.

The crew bumps into Luxord and the black box conversation happens that leads into the race but with the added wager of Luxord willing to tell them about Terra if they win. The race has still has the heartless boats but as well as the water nobodies to personally attack your crew and hinder your abilities. After you win, Luxord still cheats and you have that boss fight. Things change when you board the boat. He still leaves but Demyx and Xion stay behind with some Nobodies to by time. Halfway through the fight, Xion starts clenching her head again and Sora does the same with his chest. Seeing Ventus’s face and feeling Roxas’s presences is just too much. Luxord takes the opportunity of the chaos to nab is companions and attack the ship. Fortunately Aqua was able to protect everyone. Vexen orders Demyx to take Xion back and that he might as well not come back either. Demyx really doesn’t want to face Isa since he was basically told not to comeback without anything useful. So he drops Xion off and plans to avoid him altogether.

After the ship is repaired and Phantom Jack leaves, Aqua takes a minute to think. They were about to head into what sounded like a war. Their fun treasure adventure had turned a serious matter. She confessed that she might not be up to the task. This one, or even the keyblade war. Ventus pulled out his wayfinder and told her even if she decides not to go, she’ll always be fighting beside him as long as he had this. He believed Terra was still fighting and got his strength from them. Aqua pulled out her wayfinder and simply held it to her chest. He wasn’t wrong. All that time in the darkness and a piece of her never felt truly alone as long as she held this. Their unbreakable connection to her friends was something Aqua would never doubt. To top it all off, Sora had remembered he still had Kairi’s good luck charm from before the exams. He said he couldn’t count how many times this simple thing had driven him to keep going. Aqua joined them on the boat. It was only after seeing the other pirates did her resolve really hit its peak. All of them were ready to face staggering odds to fight for what mattered most to them, despite the fear. Aqua was sure of it now, she’d stand with her friends when the fated day came. Aqua raised her keyblade a creates the whirlpool for the Kraken fight. For the first time since she arrived, she looked at Sora and completely immersed herself in the moment. She calls him captain, and says she’s ready whenever he is. He couldn’t be more thrilled and Ventus was happy to see Aqua ready to go. The rest of the world plays out the same all the way until the very end. I would personally add a scene though of three sailing alone for just a little longer. Sora can’t help but think about how this was his dream with Riku and Kairi once. He wondered if is the only one who even rememberers or cares about a thing like this. Suddenly another ship Sails by them. They get ready to fight until they sea a papou fruit flag. Riku and Kairi unexpectedly reveal themselves on it with smiles on their faces. Apparently the gummi phone had really included all of information Jimmy had written. Riku explained that he just knew without question Sora would come here of all places to try and cheer someone up. Riku and Kairi told Aqua they hadn’t found much info on Terra but they did find her armor and keyblade thanks to Kairi’s foggy memory of certain places and Ienzo’s participantion in those lab areas. They all were about to continue their journey but since they were here, something had to be settled. Sora wanted another race to decide who would be captain. Riku laughed and told him they both have ships and that didn’t matter. However, he vaguely mentioned another reason to race, the real reason Sora tried so hard that day on the island. Riku pointed at the symbol on his flag and Sora immediately pouted. He grabbed the wheel of the ship and told Kairi to countdown for the race. No one knew what they were racing for except them and a giggling Kairi, who had a pretty good idea on what it was about. She says go and then the cutscene ends.

Big Hero Six is exactly the same except Sora sees Riku Replica and is pretty sure he’s from castle oblivion. Vexen uses the knowledge Rikuplica favs him about making Baymax filled with suffering so he can fix Xion to her absolute peak. When he’s done, Isa informs him that a Demyx has ran off and orders Vexen to go bring him back. Which is actually code for “good job, now escape while you still can.” Vexen informs him that it would take an extremely strong connection for Xion to have any “unfortunate” memories of the past to resurface. Things play out normally until Zexion meets Ansem the wise. What happens this time? He tells Sora and friends that he’s back with Vexen. (That’s kinda important.)

Everyone rests up for the final battle. The Sora and Kair scene on destiny islands is now longer. Kairi asks if Sora is feeling like his old self again. Sora tells her that he is thanks to her never giving up on her. Both of them get quiet for a moment before Sora speaks again. He does confess that he’s still worried a bit. Every word he went to had one thing or another that ended up being too much for him alone, and couldn’t help but feel like it would’ve been different if he truly regained all of his power. Kairi tells him that he isn’t alone but he shakes his head because she’s missing the point. Sora wasn’t scared of the organization overwhelming him, but he was terrified of that he’d try protecting someone and fail. He admitted he was scared of losing her. Kairi admitted that tomorrow scared her too. Every adventure they went on together was filled with so many enemies and left her exhausted by the end of it. Now she was joining the war. Kairi felt more than a little unprepared despite all the prep she tried squeezing in. Sora tried asking if by any chance at all that she could wait here one more time and she refused outright. No matter how nervous she was about the whole thing, Kairi told Sora that she would never wait again. That they will protect each other no matter what. And for added luck, she hands him a papou fruit. Sora was shocked. Kairi simply smiled and placed it in his hand before grabbing another one. Sora pulled out her good luck charm to give it back but she said it’s basically his at this point. The two smiled gently and finally shared the fruit. You get OathKeeper

Keyblade war time! Woo! This is by far the easiest to put into words. Riku and Kairi are your party members for the 10,000 enemy battle because it’s a literal crime that the Destiny trio didn’t work together. You get past that and Terranort still bodies half the team. Aqua’s resolve starts the crumble as she races to Ven, he isn’t moving at all. Sora is left in a state of disbelief as Goofy and Mickey try getting Donald up, and Kairi checking on Axel. In no time at all, his fear seams to be coming true. They need to regroup. Unfortunately the demon tide appears and blocks the exit. Riku gathers the remaining forces to try and fend it off but seeing Ven taken out by Terra really shook Aqua. We see the shadows turn into Anti-Aquas as the real Aqua starts to slowy panic. She doesn’t even hear the others screaming her name, telling her to look out before Mickey and Goofy try saving her, but they’re all swept up. Now it’s the Destiny Trio vs the Demon Tide in a fight the player is forced to fight, but can’t win. No music plays, just the sound of the fight and the sight of the organization watching from above. Eventually Kairi slips up due to the overwhelming odds. Sora quickly tries to outrun the Demon Tide coming towards her but can’t. Sora screams for Riku’s help but turns to see nothing but his friends hand reaching for him before being swept away. He can’t hold it in anymore, Sora drops to his knees and screams. He wouldn’t have made it this far without all of them, but now they’re gone. Sora drops his keyblade, then is swept away.

He arrives in the final world and gets his task from chirithy. In the beginning he feels so defeated, then encounters Namine. Instead of her telling him that Kairi is keeping him together, Namine says that she can feel everyone connected to him doing their part. Sora has done so much to try and keep everybody safe and spent all this time with them during their adventure that it’s only natural that they would believe in him. Now Sora feels a twinge of guilt, he gave up way too soon. No way he can let that slide. He was going to make it up to them for this second chance. Sora tells Namine about all of these flooding emotions he’s had involving her and everyone else in castle oblivion. Namine is genuinely shocked. Despite the chains being broken, Sora retained the key events. He didn’t look at her like he did back in The World That Never Was. Sora had been talking to her like an old friend he hadn’t seen in years. Sora told Namine that he was going to save everyone, including her. He promised that they were going to get her a body and she had to wait just a bit longer. Namine believed him and said she will try to get in contact with Terra. For a moment it felt like Sora could actually see Namine smile at him instead of just being a star. Sora smiled back and told her thank you, for everything. He ran off to do his job. Namine simply watched and tried not to cry. Their promise really found a way for them to meet again in a way she would’ve never dreamed of. Instead of it fading away. You get oblivion.

Before Sora really starts piecing himself together, he encounters the mystery star, and then an extra star. This extra star follows him around and surprises Sora when it reveals himself to be Roxas. He tells Sora he should’ve expected this since Sora was barely hanging on himself! Sora sheepishly apologizes but Roxas isn’t too bothered by it because he knows it’s temporary. What bothers him is Xion. He tells Sora who she is and the reason he feels hurt when they’re around each other is because of Xion’s connection to himself. Roxas asks Sora to face Xion and embrace that hurt so they can save her. Sora agrees but wonders if he can handle it. So far all fights against her didn’t go well. Roxas tells him not to worry. All he needs Sora to do his try his hardest and Roxas will make up the difference. Sora has no doubt Roxas will and thanks him before heading off. Roxas continues to follow you just so you have someone to talk to. Sora puts himself together and opens a gate to go find the others. Chirihy tells Sora that for future reference not to use the power of waking like he’s about to and explains how incredibly dangerous it is. Sora nods and leaves.

Sora beats up The Lich like usual and Young Xehanort calls him dumb. Everyone gets rescued from the cusp of death, now thoroughly frustrated by how sloppy they were. They’re going full throttle this time.(Oblivion obtained!) The team runs towards the fight again. Aqua and Ven are ready for Terranort but Lingering Will beats them to the punch, taking Terranort away as they fight. The Demon Tide arrives again with heartless and you fight it with the Destiny Trio. The fight has custom team attacks and even a trinity limit. You win and it turns into the hurricane again. Union X keyblades show up. (It’s so cool.) Ventus puts his hand on his heart. He feels oddly happy. All the scenes leading up to the boss rush are the same.

Sora and Riku vs Xigbar and Dark Riku goes off without a hitch. Nothing changes with Xigbar but Dark Riku is different. The original Riku Replica takes over the vessel. It’s clear the other’s could use the help and Vexen is on the good guy’s side so they can make more, is his reasoning. The original Riku goes off to chase Ansem while Rikuplica stays with Sora. He tells Sora it’s nice to see him again and Sora couldn’t agree more. The two of them don’t even have to speak to know exactly where to go next. They rush over to help Mickey, swiftly beating Luxord and freeing him so he can go after Xemnas. Suddenly the war feels like an old grudge match. Sora and Rikuplica vs Larxene and Marluxia. The heroes point their weapons at their foes and tell them this one is for Namine. Marluxia is actually happy Sora finally remembers him. It makes this fight all the sweeter. The fight ends with the heroes win, but at a price. Larxene and Rikuplica had struck each other down at the same time. Sora rushes to his friend who was starting to fade. Rikuplica told him not to feel bad about it. He planned on giving up this vessel after the fight anyway. The only reason he took it was to make sure those two wouldn’t hurt Namine and to fight by Sora’s side again at least once. Rikuplica tells Sora to take care of her before fading away, leaving the vessel. Sora finally remembers Castle Oblivion in its entirety. He simply clenches his fist and accepts the hurt before pressing on.

Ventus and Aqua catch up to Vanitas and Terranort. Aqua demands to know what happened to the armor that appeared earlier and Terranort simply laughs. Enraged, Aqua summons Master’s defender and rushes in to fight. Ventus follows her lead and Sora joins in a few minutes later. While that’s happening, Riku rushes through the maze towards Ansem until he hears a familiar voice. It leads him to dark chains that suspend and crush Lingering Will until he cuts them. The armor is cracked but still functioning. He thanks Riku and starts heading off before Riku stops him. Riku hadn’t told Ven and Aqua but he found something else at Radiant Garden. He pulls out Terra’s wayfinder and gives it to the armor. Riku tells him to go protect what matters and heads off. Things aren’t going to well back at the battle. Terranort manages to break Ven’s keyblade and Vanitas rushes in after Aqua as she tries to save Ven. Sora is quick enough to try and take the hit for both of them but Lingering Will swoops in again to save them. They’re all stunned to see him. Terra thanks Sora for looking after his friends but he can take it from here. Sora nods and manages to escape the battle. Terra tries to convince Ven and Aqua to leave too but they flat out ignore him. They pull out their wayfinders and each one starts to glow. Aqua tells Terra from this point forward they fight as a team. She tosses Ven Master’s Defender and summons her original keyblade. Her and Ventus bring out their armor and stand beside Terra. Now the real fight begins. The fight gives you the same team attacks from the Mirage Arena and each character gets their original command style that transforms into their character exclusive one from bbs. Wingblade, Ghost Drive, and Rockbreaker; while Terranort uses Dark impulse and Vanitas loses his mask and fights like he does in the final phase against Ventus. Vanitas is the first to fall. He nearly beat a Ventus until the boy gained a boost of strength from seemingly nowhere, his swords of light turning into starlight keyblades and striking down Vanitas. He simply laughs, giving Ventus no answer to his many questions about Vanitas. The entire wayfinder trio is know souly focused on Terranort. Refusing to give up, the man summons the chains again and captures them. He goes after Aqua first who almost managed to break free. The others scream her and The Guardian rises from the shadows to save her. It breaks the chains and rips off the bandages. Ven quickly uses the keyblade to wrap Terranort in chains while Lingering Will holds his body down for The Gaurdian to fire his heart out. A massive beam of light shoots up before fading and only leaving the armor. Ven and Aqua are speechless until the armor lifts its helmet to reveal Terra underneath in tears. Ven and Aqua throw their helmets off too and ran into their friends arms. All three of them hugging and crying.

Sora runs right into the middle of Saix and Xion fighting Axel and Kairi. Instinctively he screams out Xion’s name and everything goes quiet. Axel is confused by the name until she finally takes off the hood to reveal the white hair and yellow eyes. His memory starts to reform bit by bit and he grabs his head. Sora and Kairi’s chest both feel heavy but for the first time, Xion doesn’t react. Because of all the experiments, the only thing she has is broken memories and the suffering from them. You begin fighting her alone but to no effect. Sora rememberers Roxas’s words and lets in the pain. Xion comes at him again but stops at the sound of her name, this time with Roxas’s voice coming out of Sora. Xion’s head gets a little fuzzy but it doesn’t break the rampage. Kairi and Axel manage to endure the pain as well and stand with Roxas/Sora. If one voice isn’t enough then they’ll all try calling to her as they knock some sense in into her. Sora/Roxas summons Two Become One. The three are ready. It’s now or never. After an intense 3v2 fight, Xion starts to mentally down in the middle of combat. Then the standard cutscene happens where Xemnas shows up. The only difference being Axel’s keyblade doesn’t break. Xemnas grabs Kairi with his lightning instead of her wrist and leaves. Sora tries running after her best Saix gets in the way until the Seasalt trio pushes him back. Roxas tells Sora to go after Kairi and leave this fight to them. Sora runs off and you basically play the Remind fight but with no Xemnas. It ends the same though.

The battle against the Nort court is the same. Kairi getting shattered is the same, as well as getting into Scala. Xion tells Sora she can still feel Kairi and for him to remember her words. The thirteen armors and Xehanort boss are all the same as well. The only difference I added was a clash that sent both Sora and Xehanort flying backwards. Sora gets up first and has the chance to end it but realizes the good luck charm had fallen to the ground in front of him. Sora picks it up and all the pent up anger frustration he has from Xehanort ruining his and his and friends lives gets put on a leash. Sora remembers Kairi’s words about never losing his smile. He can’t help but get emotional and once again asks Xehanort what was the point of any of this. Xehanort gives his speech about balance and the entire scene and plays out like normal. Next major change is the end. Riku and Mickey convince Sora to not use the Power of Waking right off the bat, fearing the consequences. Sora listens to their idea to see Yen Sid but even he isn’t sure how to get Kairi back but they’ll do their best to find her. Sora leaves to get some air outside. Riku can’t help but follow him outside minutes later and finds Sora looking at his keyblade. He calls out Sora’s name and the boy turns around and does a smile similar to when he released his heart in Hollow Bastion. Riku knows Sora better than he knows himself. He doesn’t even try to stop Sora, but tells him to be careful. Sora puffs out his chest and says he’ll be back with Kairi in no time at all. Sora asks Riku to tell the others thanks and not to worry before opening up a gate and walking through. The ending sequence plays out the same and then the credits roll.

ReMind is a bonus episode after getting the secret reports and nothing in it changes because it’s perfectly fine. The only added thing we get is Sora giving back the lucky charm before he fades away, telling Kairi to be sure and bring it back to him. Limit cut and secret episodes are DLC or more extra stuff but yeah, I’m done.

In Summary:Kingdom Hearts 3, but the characters interact with each other and are allowed to feel multiple emotions at a time for extended periods of time. I know I sound like I’m punching down on this game but I genuinely do love this franchise since forever and I have strong feelings about almost everything to do with it. Which is why I’m bummed that KH3 is like my least favorite kingdom hearts game. It has good things in it but falls short on so many scenes and opportunities. This soft rewrite was literally me taking 92% of what the game already had in it and rearranging it to create various new situations that inevitably end the same way it does in the actual game. So yeah I give this game a 7/13 I’m still buying every game though 💀 (I’m not getting into any of my ideas of how kh3 could’ve gone before we knew too much about it. Now that’s a rewrite!)

#ask me stuff #kingdom hearts 3 #kh3 #dream drop distance #kingdom hearts dream drop distance #sora #kairi #riku #roxas #xion #kh axel #isa kh #ventus #kh terra #kh aqua #kh birth by sleep #kh358/2 #square enix #this took too long to make #kingdom hearts #namine

[vanegranbluefantasy]

absolutely 0 of my friends want me to write an essay about how paimon is just a worse version of vyrn, so i'm going to do it here

the essay is under the cut if you want to read it

1. intro

First and foremost, who is Paimon? And by extension, who is Vyrn? How are they similar, and why would I want to compare them?

Paimon is from the game Genshin Impact, a popular RPG game that has been going around in the eastern gaming community. It's quite fun to play, but I got bored of it fast, but that is off topic. Paimon is a character that is introduced to you at the very beginning of the game. She's a in-game tutorial character, and also shows up in the game's pause menu. Even outside the pause menu, you see her a LOT in the game. The main quest has her talking quite a lot, and in character side-quests she acts as the main character's companion.

Moving on, Vyrn is apart of my favorite game right now: Granblue Fantasy. If you don't know what Granblue Fantasy is, it's a mobile game that came out in 2014 and is still quite popular today. It is a more visual novel based with an focus on teambuilding over combat. Back to Vyrn, he's also introduced to you at the very beginning of the game, and also acts as the in-game tutorial (somewhat, there are other characters who also guide you through the beginning of the game, but he is the one the player starts off with). Similar to Paimon, Vyrn is with the main character wherever they go, and although not apart of the pause menu, he has dialogue in many, if not the majority, of quests.

Both act as the mascot of each game, which makes each a better sell. They are both cute characters that are supposed to draw people in, which is why they're introduced within the first few seconds of each game. However, they're similarities go beyond that. Although their dialogue is not too similar for me to say that they have the same personality, they most certainly are both strange beings that float/fly, and go with you EVERYWHERE.

Why am I comparing them? The purpose of the essay is to see why I love Vyrn, but hate Paimon. You see, when I started playing Genshin Impact, I have already put months of my time into Granblue Fantasy at that point, so when I saw Paimon in Genshin, I said to myself, "Oh, this girl is cute. She reminds me of Vyrn! How fun!" Now, after putting hours into Genshin Impact, I've found myself to just despise her dialogue. First impressions are everything, but Paimon became more of a thorn in my side as I played through the game. Therefore, I'm here to analyze why.

2. Vyrn and Paimon's relationship to the player

Vyrn and Paimon's relationship to player is extremely interesting to me, and could be the reason why I don't like Paimon as much as I do Vyrn.

Paimon is introduced to the player immediately in the game, which is not a bad thing. Generally, every game has a tutorial stage to help the player figure out what to do and how to play, but Paimon is not a typical tutorial character. In many games that I've played, most tutorial characters are mentor types, and Paimon is not that. Paimon also does not know what this world is and is effectively exploring it WITH you -- not guiding you. This is not inherently bad, since the introduction is not what ticked me off about Paimon in the first place, but later on, it might become clear why I find this a sticking point.

Vyrn, in another game, is introduced very differently. He is introduced as "your best friend" which on it's own is quite weird, considering he's a flying lizard, but you're apart of a new world, anything could happen. He's been alive for an amount of time, so he generally knows what is going on. Not exactly a mentor type, but he gives much more clarity of the world the player is in, at least in comparison to Paimon. In the introduction, he gives a very clear picture of what kind of person the main character is and their backstory. Honestly, I came to trust him very quickly, despite him being a weird little monster.

These introductions in comparison seem really similar, which is why my initial reaction to Paimon was "Oh, this is Vyrn but again."

Now, what I find interesting is the beginning of conflict in both of the games.

Vyrn is introduced almost immediately. There is a beginning cutscene of the main character reading a letter from their father, and then the player meets Vyrn, who comments about the main character reading the letter again. This gives a backstory with Vyrn almost immediately. He knows that the main character has the asperation to get to the land of the astrals, and he wants to help to get main character there. It is only after this scene does conflict start: the Este airship covering the sun.

Paimon does not have this backstory. The initial cutscene in Genshin Impact is vague, to say the least. However, it immediately tells the player the conflict: the main character is searching for their twin. Paimon is not apart of the conflict whatsoever. Making her an outside entity, the main character does not express their troubles to Paimon as they explore this new world.

This marks a key difference in their introductions. Since Granblue Fantasy started the conflict WITH Vyrn, it caused me to be more attached much more quickly. It was clear through Vyrn's actions that he would stand by the main character's side no matter what happened. However, Paimon does not have that same connection. Since Paimon is not apart of the conflict whatsoever, I found a lot of my friends (who haven't played Granblue Fantasy) distrust her very quickly. Some jumped to the conclusion that she is going to be someone evil at the end of the story, and I don't blame them. So far, the only person the player can trust is the twin.

By making Paimon an outside entity to the conflict, it makes her very quickly a potential danger. However, with Vyrn being apart of the conflict, makes him a trustworthy ally.

3. Dialogue

Since the main characters of both Genshin Impact and Granblue Fantasy are self-inserts, someone needs to be able to talk. In Genshin Impact, Paimon is the stand-in to talk for the player, and in Granblue Fantasy, Vyrn is in a similar position. However, their dialogue itself is very different.

Vyrn and Paimon both create nicknames for people, which is why it's very easy to compare the two of them. Vyrn likes to give all of the crewmates nicknames, and none of them seem to mind it. Paimon also gives nicknames to the people her and the main character meet, but it feels less like a joke and more as an insult, calling her nicknames "ugly" and feeling bad when she finds out the nicknames she gives are to important people.

Vyrn's nicknames are generally playful like "Lop Ear" and "Sir Burnsalot," but can get insulting like "Miss Batter-For-Brains" and "Clefty." However, none of the people with the nicknames seems to mind it, despite him saying it very loudly and to their face.

However, Paimon keeps her nicknames almost to herself, as if she's doing them in secret. "Tone-Deaf Bard" and "Guhua Geek" are two of a few of these nicknames. None of the people recieving the nicknames seem very happy about being called that.

Don't get me wrong, both Paimon and Vyrn are being really rude by giving out nicknames to random people, but it's the reactions from the one's receiving said nicknames that gives clarity of the nicknames' true intentions. With the Granblue Fantasy crew not necessarily minding it and Genshin Impact characters getting angry, it becomes clear why the nicknames are created.

Both Vyrn and Paimon talk a lot of both of their respective games, but how the react to the this new world around them that tips the scales of me disliking Paimon.

Vyrn explores the new islands with you with little to no knowledge of the next island the player will fly to, and his reactions to each island are generally pretty on par with the player's. For example, going to an island that covered in mist, he's generally pretty cautious, expressing it in his dialogue.

However, Paimon keeps commenting on the obvious. Her dialogue is almost annoying because it is so obvious. I defeated a boss and she said something along the lines of, "That's it? Where's the treasure?" when there is clear newly-opened door on the other side of the room. The dialogue during the story is not as bad, but I find myself angry at her whenever she speaks anyway. Her comments don't add to the tone or the gameplay. They just frustrate me.

All of her comments and general rudeness make me really angry. She doesn't fight, and she doesn't seem like the one who would fight with me! She's only there to tag along with you, for some unknown reason! Her vagueness makes her worthless to me as the player.

4. Conclusion

The fact that Paimon does not seem like the type to go through thick and thin with the main character makes her frustrating to be around. Her introduction decided her fate of the annoying character that everyone continues to call "Emergency Food" rather than her name.

She's just annoying once you get to a certain part of the story because the constant reminder of her being an outsider is at every corner. She has not once mentioned a THING about the main conflict (finding the main character's twin), and even if she goes through the entire story if the player, she seems like she would run away from the final boss, if she herself ISNT the final boss!

Vyrn at least is like "Oh shit! Time to fight!" and generally is concerned about the main character's health and well-being. He's not much help in a fight, but at the very least he'll express that you need to heal. Vyrn is as much in this conflict of finding the asterals as the main character. He's a trustworthy ally, despite being rude sometimes.

In conclusion, despite being very similar, Paimon was sentenced to me hating her since the beginning because of her placement in the game's main conflict. Vyrn's placement in Granblue Fantasy's main conflict made him a much more trustworthy ally as the game continues.

Sorry for the spacing issues. I'm on mobile. Thanks for reading tho.

Play Granblue Fantasy, it's a good semi-visual novel. Plus, the mascot character isn't as annoying as Paimon.

#vyrn gbf #granblue fantasy #paimon gi #genshin impact #vyrn #paimon

[queenmylovely]

High Infidelity III

Summary: Ben hardy x fem!reader. A fancy event with Ben leads to unforeseen cirumstances

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: cussing, Angst...

A/N: Here it is y’all, the final part of HI, this fic has really challenged me since I’m not used to writing angst and I had to have a completely different relationship with reader to write it. Since this was part of my 800 celebration, I do want to thank everyone who follows me for supporting me and especially for all the feedback I have received on this series 💖 and with this part especially please leave any feedback you have in the form of tags, replies, asks, or messages, because I really do love hearing from you!

Part I, Part II, Masterlist; BLM Resources, Register to Vote (U.S.)

(gorgeous Benny in a gif by @arthursleclerc)

💖💖💖

As the weeks went by, everything in your relationship with Ben evened out. It was like the big fight and any resulting complications had never happened. Except for the fact that the two of you were trying to be better with communication and understanding, which was great and really rewarding.

So when Ben came to you with the news that he had been invited to some fancy gala, you couldn’t have been happier to go.

“Who’ll be there? Am I going to meet any fancy celebrities?” you asked excitedly.

“You already know a fancy celebrity, you sleep next to him every night,” Ben replied, looking at you with mock hurt.

“Yeah, of course, of course. I meant any new fancy celebrities?” you changed, still wanting to hear the answer.

“Hmmm I’m not actually totally sure, but if there are a lot there, you’re probably going to have to introduce yourself because I don’t know them either,” Ben said teasingly. Then he got another look on his face, “I do think Lucy, Rami, and Gwil are going to be there though.”

You could tell Ben was nervous because him spending a lot of time with them had been part of your last fight, so you reassured him, “Don’t worry, Ben. We can definitely spend most of the time with them. I’ve been wanting to catch up with Lucy.”

“I promise not to let Gwil drag me away from you for any reason, which will be easier since Joe won’t be helping him,” Ben told you and you smiled good-naturedly, leaning in for a kiss when he did.

___

The week leading up to the event was filled with lots of trips to different stores, trying to find a suitable dress for the event. You sent pictures of options to Lucy since she had a lot of experience with such things. Finally you found one two days before the event, and luckily it didn’t need any tailoring other than wearing high heels so it wouldn’t drag. It was a black silk floor length dress that had a gathered waist and spaghetti straps that led to a neckline that was low but not too revealing where you would feel like you were on display. Once it was paired with a pair of heels you already had and some jewelry Lucy was loaning you, you knew it would be perfect.

The only thing you were unsure of was your hair. You knew how to style it in about three different ways, curled, bun, and ponytail, and none of them seemed right for the event. Looking on pinterest, you found a couple “easy” hair tutorials, but when you tried one a couple days before, you couldn’t get the right result and got increasingly frustrated.

“Ugh I just can’t get it to work,” you said in exasperation.

Ben came up behind you and rested his hands on your shoulders, “Can’t get what to work?”

“My hair,” you whined, leaning your head back to rest on his stomach. “I’ve tried like five times but it just doesn’t work.”

“Why don’t you just go and get it done, or we can have someone come here,” Ben suggested easily.

“Doesn’t that seem a little frivolous?” you asked, not used to having other people do stuff like that for you.

“The whole event is frivolous, and you should feel as confident and comfortable as possible at the event. I know that they can be intimidating so if that would help, I think you should definitely do it,” Ben reasoned, looking at you through the mirror and you couldn’t help but smile at his words.

“I love you so much,” you said to him, tilting your head back even further. Ben got the hint and leaned down to kiss you, both of you laughing at the upside-down kiss.

___

The day of the event started with a small sleep in, but just until 9:00am. The two of you had breakfast and then started getting ready at 10:00am so that you wouldn’t have to rush and could relax throughout the whole day.

Sharing a shower and helping each other wash your hair and bodies eventually turned into something else, which only further helped with the relaxing.

After the shower, you put moisturizing face masks on both you and Ben and leave-in conditioner in your hair. While you were letting the masks do their work, you started on lunch together, later taking them off to eat.

You started your makeup soon after, Ben watching you in fascination and keeping you entertained with questions. When the hairdresser arrived, they got your hair in curlers and then did Ben’s quickly. Watching them work so quickly and easily convinced you that Ben had made the right choice by hiring them.

Once your hair was done and you both got dressed, it was time to go. A town car was taking you and the two of you talked excitedly about the night.

As soon as you arrived and got out of the car, there was event staff welcoming you and guiding you to the carpet where all of the photographers and reporters were. Ben asked if you wanted to be in any pictures, but you declined, more comfortable to walk around back and watch him interact with the photographers and do one or two question interviews. It was nice to see Ben having fun and laughing and you could tell that he was really enjoying himself and getting into his element.

While you were watching, you felt someone come up next to you and turned to give them a smile but what you saw made your spine run cold. It was the guy, the one that you had slept with, the one that you hadn’t given another thought to since a week after the incident.

“Hey, y/n,” he said with a knowing look. You looked closer and saw that he had a recorder in one hand and was wearing a press badge and realized he must’ve been a reporter for a smaller site or magazine. Reading the press badge, you finally got his name, Jake, though it really didn’t matter now.

When you didn’t say anything and just looked at him in shock, he continued, “Still got that boyfriend, I assume?”

To that, you nodded and he laughed wryly.

“‘Course you do. Well, next time you decide to cheat with someone, let them know that’s what they’re doing first so they can make an informed decision,” he told you derisively.

“I’m not going to--” you tried to reply, but he was already walking away. You took a deep breath to calm yourself and fixed your face as well as you could then turned back to watch Ben. You were just in time to see him find you in the crowd and then wave you over because he was done.

The two of you walked into the main event area. While you were grabbing drinks, you ran into Rami who said that Lucy and Gwil were already at a table and there were two spots saved for you.

The following hours of the event passed exactly as they were supposed to, and you breathed a sigh of relief when you reminded yourself that the press usually didn’t actually attend the event so Jake must be gone.

Once the formal activities were done, everyone was free to roam around, and there was a band that was playing music in the background, with the option of a dance floor for those who wanted.

You were having a good time with Ben and his friends, probably the best time you had ever had with them because for the first time you didn’t feel like an outsider. You thought that Ben had probably asked them to include you a little more. Part of you was a little embarrassed that they might think you were being childish, but a larger part of you was glad because you could see your friendship with all of them growing.

Gwil saw someone he knew and went to ask her to dance and Lucy and Rami decided they wanted to do the same. You suggested dancing as well, but Ben, who was not the world’s greatest dancer, said he wanted to have another drink first. Agreeing to wait at one of the high tables by the dance floor, Ben went off to the bar to get the refills.

As he was waiting for the drinks to be made, Ben watched you swaying to the music and looking at the dancers with a small smile on your face. The sight made him smile and he was content to keep watching while he waited but someone said something to him from his left.

“She’s quite the looker, huh?” the guy said and Ben noticed his press badge and name, realizing that he had met him at a couple other events.

Because he knew him, Ben thought it would be weird not to reply. So he made a face but replied, “Yeah she is.”

“She’s got a boyfriend though, or something,” Jake told him matter-of-factly.

“Yeah I--” Ben was about to say that he was actually your boyfriend but Jake cut him off.

“Wish I'd known earlier. She waited until after we hooked up to tell me. Now I just feel bad for the bloke that’s stuck with her. Thought I’d let you know so you don’t end up in the same situation,” Jake said shaking his head.

Ben hid the tsunami of dread and rage he felt upon hearing this near-stranger’s words and instead asked, “Oh that sucks, when did that happen?”

“Just a couple months ago, sucked finding out. Anyway, better take these drinks back. See you later man,” Jake clapped Ben on the shoulder and walked away.

Back by the dance floor, you were wondering what was taking so long and looked over to the bar to see Ben receiving the drinks. You smiled, ready for him to look your way and walk over with the drinks. But instead, he started walking to the exit, shooting one angry glance over his shoulder to where you were.

Confused, you were stuck in place for a moment before you started to follow him. You hurried to catch him, calling his name a couple times once you got past the bulk of the crowd. But he didn’t turn back and he’s too fast and you’re in heels. He rounded the corner to the exit and by the time you got through the doors, all you saw was a group of cars, ready to drive the guests home or wherever they were going.

Movement caught your eye as you kept walking towards the line of cars and you saw the door of a car close and then start to drive away, a frowning Ben barely visible through the back window.

Immediately, you tried to call him but he hung up on the second ring. You sent him a text asking if he’s okay and where he’s going but he didn’t even look at it which you could tell because he always has his read receipts on.

You had been moving too fast to think, but now your stomach dropped and you flagged down a car, texting Lucy to tell her you’re heading home as you slid in and told the driver the address. On the way, you tried not to panic because there were a thousand possibilities for why Ben had left. Left looking angry, without telling you, ignoring you calling his name, and not answering your calls or texts. Left from an event where you had run into Jake just hours ago. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

You got home and unlocked the door, opening it slowly, not prepared for what was about to happen. Closing it behind you quietly and walking through the apartment, you could feel adrenaline rushing through your body, making it hard to breathe. You didn't find Ben until you reached your bedroom. He was on the balcony, staring over the edge and though he’s standing in place, his leg shaked.

“Ben?” he refused to look at you. You made the split decision to play innocent. “Ben what’s wrong?”

“I talked to Jake,” he said in a low voice, still staring out into the night air.

“Jake? What do you--?”

“I swear y/n, if any sort of lie comes out of your mouth that’s it. I deserve the truth and for you to respect me enough to tell me the truth,” Ben said harshly and your breath got shaky.

You rushed out, “I respect you Ben, I do.”

“How am I supposed to believe that when you fucking cheated on me?” this was when Ben turned to look at you and the mix of anger, betrayal, and despair in his eyes was enough to bring tears to yours.

“I’m sorry, I--” your voice cracked as you looked at him.

“How could you do that?” he asked loudly and you could hear the hurt in his voice.

The intensity of his searching gaze was too much to bear and you looked away as you answered, “I don’t know, you were away and I missed you and we were fighting. It felt like you were never coming back and I didn’t know what was going on with us.”

“If you weren’t sure, you should have asked. Talked to me. Not ignored all of my phone calls when I was trying to reach out to you,” Ben implored, sounding almost confused because he couldn't understand. “When was it?”

You thought about what would be the best answer. Would it make him feel better to know that it was deep into your fight or would it be worse that it was just days before he got home?

“The Friday before you came home,” you said solemnly, still not able to look at him.

Ben let out a big exhale but you couldn’t tell what he was feeling. He brought his hand to his brow like he was trying hard to remember something.

“Okay, so you weren’t just sitting at home watching tv,” he commented like he was piecing together something.

“I did do that for part of the night,” you defended, looking up to see his reaction.

“That’s not the point and you know it,” he snapped. Another moment of concentrating passed and his tone changed, “Fuck, that bruise on your hip, was that from him?”

“Yeah,” you said quietly.

Ben looked worried now, “Did he hurt you?”

Probably the worst part of yourself wanted to say yes, to run into his comforting arms and use the fact that it had gotten a little rough to serve as an excuse. But that wasn’t the truth, and it would be unforgivable to Ben and ultimately yourself to lie about something so important.

“No, well, not in any way I wasn’t okay with,” you explained, trying not to say too much.

“Wait-- you wanted him to do that? You like stuff like that?” Ben’s tone wasn’t accusing, just questioning. When you just looked away again, he knew the answer. He scoffed, “I thought we were trying to be better with communication! We’ve been together three years, why wouldn’t you tell me that? Dammit am I just not worth the truth to you?”

“Of course you are, I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. Maybe I was worried that you’d judge me or--”

“Three years, three years, y/n! I would never write you off for something like that. But I guess if you can’t even tell me about stuff like that, stuff that I could do for you, it makes sense why you didn’t tell me you cheated. You just don’t trust me,” Ben sounded defeated.

“No, I do trust you, I just didn’t tell you because it was never going to happen again, I didn’t want it to. It was a mistake, it didn’t mean anything. All telling you would have done was hurt you, just like it is now. I was trying to make it up to you without ever hurting you with what happened,” you rationalized, chancing a look at his face. He looked disoriented; your words made him feel lost.

“I don’t believe that. The truth is always better than a lie to me, I thought you knew that, I thought you knew me. And if you felt okay lying about it, I don’t think it’s a big step for it to happen again,” Ben ran his hands over his face and his voice was quiet now, like he was slowly accepting what had happened and what he had to do. The thought of that made you panic.

“No, no Ben, I love you and only you and you’re the only person I want to love. I promise, I promise, I promise, I love you and--and it will never happen again,” you tried to reach for Ben’s arms, but he just walked past you.

“I don’t think I can trust a word you say anymore,” he said softly, looking at his hands.

“No, Ben, Ben, I can be honest, I promise. I won’t ever lie to you again, I won’t. Please, please look at me. Look-- look at me, please, Ben I-” you were rambling now, but you would have said anything for him to turn around and take you in his arms.

Ben did turn but now his face was stone, “I’m gonna go. I’ll pack a bag for now and come back tomorrow for the rest of my stuff.”

He moved to the closet for a bag and you just stood still, frozen because you couldn’t process what was happening. Then there were tears running down your face and feeling them hit your crossed arms that were hugging your middle is what made you move again.

“No, no, Ben we can’t be over, you can’t leave. We can work on this, I’ll change. I’ll tell the truth, I promise I’ll never cheat, I never will. Please Ben, please I’ll do anything,” you knew you sounded desperate, but that was because you were, you couldn’t lose Ben after all you had done to keep him.

Ben was done packing the bag so he paused and looked at you. There was just one sliver of hope in his eye. “Was it here?”

You knew you could only answer honestly. “Yes,” then the light in his eyes was gone as he thought back to the week following his return. All of the stilted answers you had given him but he had accepted as just a little awkwardness after the fight made sense now; he knew why the sheets were gone and most likely where the lighter had come from.

“I can’t look at you, I can’t be here, without thinking about it,” he said simply. And somewhere inside you knew that was it, but the rest of you refused to accept it. “I’ll never be able to look at our bed without thinking that someone else was in it with you. I won’t be able to touch you without wondering if that’s how he touched you too. All I can think about is that I can’t understand how you would risk everything, risk our love, us, our future, compromise our home for what you say is meaningless sex. Cause to me, our love was worth everything.”

With that, Ben walked out of the bedroom. You followed him, trying to grab his arm, saying his name over and over, anything to stop him. He didn’t slow down, didn’t look back, until he got to the door and pulled it open. Even as your mind didn’t realize, your body knew he was done and your arms went slack, dropping from his. When he looked at you one last time, the anger and hurt was no longer at the forefront. What you saw in his face as he looked at you now was pity and that made you want to retch because it was so far from the love he used to look at you with.

“Goodbye, y/n, I truly do want the best for you in life,” Ben said, touching your hand softly and slowly, almost as if he was remembering all the previous times he had, briefly remembering when you loved each other with no question. Then he turned around, walked down the hallway, and out of your sight.

Holding your hand with the other, you tried to retain the feeling of his touch as long as you could. You closed the door with your shoulder and then collapsed against it, sliding until you sat. The floor no doubt dirtied your designer dress, but you couldn’t focus on anything as sobs started to wrack your body, and you didn’t even notice as your tears stained the silk.

💖💖💖

Permanent taglist: @riseetothesun @caborhapch​​ @drowseoftaylor​​ @queenlover05​ @johndeaconshands​ @supersonicfreddie​ @stardust-galaxies​​ @madamsledge​

Series taglist: @theonsasheart @itscale

If you would like to be added to my permanent taglist, just send me a message or ask!

#...aaaaahhhhh #I hope it fucking works I spent hourssss I swear our power went out I’m typing these tags on the desktop version on my phone ahhhhh #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #ben hardy #ben jones #fic #series #angst #high infidelity #ben hardy x reader #ben jones x reader #bohemian rhapsody x reader #borhap x reader #borhap boys #borhap cast

[hi-host]

Anwser : I’m sorry for took some time with reply , but i really want to put effort to help anyone who read this..Ah is so sweet to heard that .Looking by my  video tutorials ,it helps you to improve your art skills??I’m shocked that someone did watch it. Yes my style did change for a better i think. I will give some tips because i was thinking to do something like this for others but for myself.

I’m sorry for long ass post.

THIS IS MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

so you don’t have to take all as “a must ”.Also probably you  may heard some of those but still it always good to remind them . This is what help me and ,I hope it will help you :

---------

 1) DON’T SMOKE/DRINK - [This is first personal thing ] there is some stupid stereotype that smoking ,helps you calm down! BIG FAT LIE. To all artist who smoke , please quit !!! It didn’t help. You will be unfocused ,sleepy ,dizzy and sloppy at your work. You wouldn’t be able work because your mind will be keep thinking about smoking not drawing.Your work will improve a lot while you quit any of this. 

2) DATE YOUR WORK [Year-month-day] it does helps me to organised things. Also you will know how long it took you with one drawing, how often you draw. In 2016 i got 60 drawings .This year i count 220 !!  

3) NEVER DELETE YOUR WORK [even if you think is SHIT ]- I remember once @onemagpie​ told me that. I use to delete my because of reasons.I took her advice and  since then i don’t delete anything. The left  art is from  2016 and 3-4 years later i redraw and improve the idea.You will never know , when you will back to your old art ,and search for ideas/inspiration !!

4) NOT EVERY YOUR ART NEED TO BE MASTERPIECE/-  some of your posts gets less (or more it srly depends) notes.That doesn’t mean your art is awful, just it happens. I can’t explain why -maybe fandom/ time of posting/ the stars are not in good position. I know this kind of thing can  put you down as a artist, but you cant just make you think the X notes measure you  AS A GOOD ARTIST

5)  TRY NEW THINGS- maybe you can try animate or, make videos/speedpains of your art. It always fun to try something new. Also it helps you know the new media.

6) YOU NEED TO PROGRESSING - i always think that this is the worst sin artist can make. Stop progressing. “Screw you this is my style and i like draw that way i wont  change anything” !! Of course  i never say you should change your style! !! What i mean is ..I know  is good to draw, what you are comfortable with, but stuck in ONE thing - may be tiring, for you and your audience. You can always improve something. I think you as artist you will grow and people will appreciate that  you did put an effort to get  better and better thought the years.

REMEMBER SMALL STEPS SMALL STEPS !!

7) USE REFERENCE/WATCH TUTORIALS  - I donno what numnuts say this is cheating!!! Search on google, look for reference. This is part of improving also looking how others work ,may help you a lot !! You will know some tricks and some better way to improve your skills.

8 )TRY TO DRAW EVERYDAY - sketching ideas /doodles. Don’t force yourself tho.

9) DON’T WORK ON ONE ART X MONTHS/YEARS- depend on how much detailed art is / if this is commission the process may took longer,  . BUT but don’t spend ,months or years on one piece. Sometimes you need to just gave up ,and move on to other project. I use to spend on art month non stop. Sadly this makes me frustrated and really tired in process, in the end the results wasn’t that great.

10) TAKE A BREAK IF YOU NEED TO- your mental health is more important, your health is important , you are more important. Think about yourself FIRST!!

11) DON’T BE SHY TO POST YOUR ART - The begging of posting arts are always hard, and took some time to gain some audience. Don’t worry ,as soon you will post your art more and more people will notice you. Remember to properly tag !!

---------------------------------------------

I think is everything. I’m not good at giving advice .Im sorry for my English. I’m not good at expressing  some of my thoughts ,but i hope it helps.

#artists on tumblr #art tips #art #dont starve #hope it helps #long post #doodles

[finleyjayne]

Dancing into Destruction

previously named Dancing Dreams

Boyfriend!Bucky x reader

Thank you to this anon for the request hope you like it. This is my first request ever so feedback is definitely welcome

Warnings: as you can see warnings include but are not limited to, Swearing, ANGST, intimidation by a loved one.

  Your relationship with Bucky was a dream. You both were naturally inclined to fill each other’s needs. Being with the other was as natural as breathing. Don’t let anyone fool you; you had gone through your fair share of lover’s quarrels with the tough super-soldier. They just never lasted longer than a few days. You built it with great care, making a foundation of trust and respect. Even though you had been dating each other for a bit over six months, he was very considerate of your need to wait to take it into the more physical aspects of a romantic relationship. There were often moments when you would have to take a step back when things got heated, but he never made you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable about your need for abstinence like some of your past boyfriends did. It was commendable, making it easier to commit to him and plan for your future together. 

 As you reached new heights within your connection, things became even more smooth. The time spent with Bucky seemed to be the best moments in your hectic life, leaving you with clarity and peace. Though most of the time you spent together consisted of you doing your schoolwork, lounging on the floor between the coffee table and the couch, while Bucky read or filled out reports from his latest missions. This complied with your idea of a perfect date; Simply spending time with the other without feeling like you have to suffocate the other with your presence or physical contact. Sure, every once in a while, you would cuddle close, watch a movie, just lay in his arms for hours talking. It was perfect. You were sure that Bucky felt the same way. 

 Your six month anniversary all but proved to you how much Bucky cared for you. He gave you the five-star gala treatment. A trip to the spa where they pampered you until your thoughts swam away, then dinner at the most exuberant restaurant he could convince Stark to pay for, then he finished the night off with a walk in the park where we first ran into each other. Well, more like you ran into him. To top the whole experience off, he gave you a gift showing just how much he listened to you when you went on your many long random tangents. When you had first opened the envelope, you were confused as to what exactly you were reading. The paper had a list of six dates and a pair of little stick figures dancing together, nothing else. Looking up at Bucky, you saw him blushing lightly. 

 "You mentioned once that you had always wanted to go dancing but were scared that you wouldn’t be any good, so I signed us up for dancing lessons at the dance school on 3rd. Those are the days and times that we have scheduled,“ He rasped bashfully, hand finding the back of his neck.

 You looked back up at him, the embodiment of deer in the headlights, as your brain raced to put the pieces of what he just said together. “Well, shit.”

 The words slip out of your mouth before you can stop them. Bucky’s face droops immediately as he looks at you like a kicked puppy.

 "We don’t have to go if you don’t wanna. I just thought it would be fun—something to add variety.“  Bucky quickly covered, his cheeks turning even ruddier as you continued to stare at him. 

 "What? Oh, oh, that’s not… I don’t mean that that way, Buck, I just…. my gift will look real stupid now.” you explain quickly, trying to calm him. “I mean like I wasn’t expecting you to actually… so I made you something.” You hand him the small box from your full-skirts pocket. 

 His eyes grew bright as he hesitantly opened it. The delicate chain floated over his fingers as he pulled the set of dog tags and small running man charm into the light. “I was doing some research and came upon a tutorial for how to stamp metal. It seemed neat and thought you could use a reminder of what you have waiting for you when you’re out on missions.”

 "I love ‘em, doll.“ He said, letting out a chuckle when he read the inscription stamped neatly onto the metal of the tags.

 The weeks continued to pass in your typical fashion. The thought of spinning around on a dance floor in Bucky’s arms grew more and more enticing as the first lesson approached. Bucky was just as excited, occasionally whisking you into a simple box step as you cooked together in your small flat’s kitchen or dipping you into kisses, muttering how it was only the start. 

 When the day finally arrived, nothing could keep your attention for more than a few seconds. The sun was shining in the cloudless spring sky, and you were going to meet Bucky at the address he had texted you earlier that day after your last class. Your pace quickened as you neared the small boutique/studio. Your cheeks hurt from how much you were smiling as you walked in the metal gated door. 

 No sooner did you make it into the small studio’s hallway when your phone started blaring Man on a Mission by Oh The Larceny. Swiftly digging it out of your messenger bag, you answer. "Hey, love, I just got here. How close are you?”

 "Heya, Sugarcube. I know you were so excited for this to be an ‘us’ thing, but I just got paged onto a mission. I wouldn’t go if there was an alternative. I will definitely make it up to you. I’ll be back as soon as I can.“

 Crestfallen, your shoulders slump. You can feel the telltale sting behind your eyes, but you fight them off. You sigh into the phone while trying to keep the hurt from your voice as much as possible. "It’s okay, not that I’m not going to let you off on your promise of making it up to me. There’s nothing you can do, though. So stay safe, Make sure you come home to me. And keep me updated if you can.”

 "Of course, I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else. I know you are probably bummed about missing the class, but it’s a mixed class of singles and couples. So why don’t you stay and try to enjoy it? You can teach me what I missed when I get back. Sound like a plan, Doll?“

 With your eyes downcast, you nod, "Sure thing, Buck. I love you.”

 "Love you, too. I gotta go get briefed. Talk to you as soon as I can. Try to have fun, please. Who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend.“ And with that, he hung up the phone, leaving you in a heap of disappointment.

 Taking a deep breath, you walk into the mirrored classroom, head held high. As you scan the class, you find a place out of the way to put your bookbag for the duration of the lesson, taking the extra second to put your phone back on silent.

 There seemed to be quite a few couples paired off in the center of the room as the stragglers kept to the edges. Trying to keep your spirits up, you take a count of the fellow singles. At the sight of a few men leaning against the back wall, you let out a sigh, looks like there won’t be any problem coupling us off without having to deal with the confusion of women pairs. You were left-footed enough without the lack of a leading partner. 

 You took a seat on the side of the ballet barres as you waited for the class to begin. Within the few seconds it took you to get settled in the chair, you were approached by a taller man. He looked a little bashful as he shuffled his feet before clearing his throat and saying in a rich baritone. "Hello. I hope you don’t mind me coming over here, but my name’s Sean, and I kinda hoping you’d be my partner before we have to go through the awkward teacher mandated pairing.”

 Looking up at him, you can’t help the smile at the adorably bumbling man in front of you. “My name is (Y/N), and I’d love to be your partner for today. Truth be told, my boyfriend-slash-partner kinda ditched me for work but wanted me to come anyway.”

 "Well, his loss is sure to be my gain.“ He smiled, his straight white teeth making an appearance through his pink-tinged lips.

 "I wouldn’t count your chicks before they hatch, I will warn you that I am a bit clumsy." 

 "Ha, look at that, I don’t mind as long as you can be patient with my inability to pick up steps.”

 "Patience is a virtue I am known to exude when the time calls for it,“ you reply cheekily. You could feel the beginnings of a great friendship.

 And great friendship it was. Throughout the class, you shared many laughs, smiles, and the perfect amount of innocent banter. By the end, you were sure that you couldn’t wait another two weeks before you talked to Sean. He was super cool and was actually taking some of the same classes as you at the university. So you did what you always did when you found someone you liked, you gave him your phone number and made plans to grab a coffee after your shared class the next day. 

 Walking home, Bucky’s slight was pretty far from your brain. You sent him a little summary of the class and how he was right about you making a new friend, before plugging your phone into it’s charging station in the kitchen and going to bed.

 Bucky came home five days later, flowers and chocolates in hand, ready to shower you in all the love he could give you. Knocking on your door, you answered with a squeal before jumping onto him, throwing your arms around his neck. 

 "You’re home! Why didn’t you tell me you were on your way back? I would’ve met you at the tower.” You ramble, peppering his face in kisses.

 "I wanted to surprise my best girl. After all, What better way to ask for forgiveness for missing our last date than with flowers and your favorite chocolates?“ He proclaims, squeezing you back as he walks you both into your flat, kicking the door closed behind you. 

 You are a giggly mess as he pushes his head into the crook of your neck, holding you to him as if you were a lifeline back to himself. "Well, I guess I’ll forgive you this once. After all, without you bailing on me, I wouldn’t have a new friend and note buddy in sociology.” You say. 

 "Well, I’m glad to hear you had a good time. I promise I’ll make the next one. Speaking of dancing, I wanna see what you learned.“

And so went the rest of your night; you catching him up on all the things that happened throughout your week, and him telling you about how stupid Sam and Steve were while they tried to be undercover. Followed by copious amounts of cuddles on your old couch while A little Princess plays on the TV. That is the first time that Bucky slept over at your apartment. 

 Weeks go by rather quickly, you find yourself balancing your life differently. You spend your free time between classes going over lecture notes, talking books, and just generally spending time with Sean instead of calling Bucky. You still spend most of your nights with Bucky unless he has a mission. Your study time was also different. Instead of spending it on your floor, you spend it in the on-campus library with a group of fellow classmates. 

 Honestly, you don’t think twice. Sure, you were spending less time with Bucky, but he was usually the one telling you to find ways to get out more. That’s precisely what you were doing. You were positive that Bucky would fully endorse your new schedule, and you were blind to all the signs that he wasn’t.

 Months flew by with this new agenda. You were happy, things with Bucky were great. You loved him. Your dance classes were full of spinning around the floor with him, laughing when your eyes met with Sean’s across the room. Often times, Bucky would give a half-hearted smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and squeeze you tighter into his arms.  

 The first time you noticed his sour face, your heart gave a subtle flutter. Why was he acting so cold? He’s the one who wanted you to make more friends. Shrugging it off as just one of his moods, you give his shoulder a little squeeze, smiling up at him. 

 More time passes, Finals draw nearer, and you find yourself spending more and more time with Sean instead of Bucky. You fill your days with endless notes, quizzing the other on what seems to be infinite terms, principles, and scenarios. 

 As you fill your days with academics, your nights fill themselves with Bucky. More time is spent with him following you around, not letting you out of his arms for more than a few minutes, and it was driving you into insanity. Bucky never was a clingy boyfriend. He always respected that you had a life outside of him. Usually, there was nothing he loved more than seeing you enjoy the freedom he fought to protect. Recently it felt as if he resented your life outside of him. He texted you constantly. If he knew you were with Sean, he would call you. If you were even ten minutes late to a date, he would get super angry. There was nothing you could do right. He was a boiling pot of hot and cold. 

 The night of your big sociology test, you came home, after a celebratory drink with Sean, to Bucky sitting on your couch. His back was curved, elbows rested on his splayed knees, hands clasped over his frown, brows pulled together in a tight scowl. This isn’t good. 

 "Hey Buck, I wasn’t expecting you to be here tonight?” you say, setting your small wallet and keys on the entryway table. You try to keep your voice even as you approached him. 

 He huffed, his eyes following you as you walk further into your apartment. “Of course, you forgot.” His beautiful bariton was dark with unspoken accusations.

 "What do you mean, forgot? Did we have plans?“

 "Yeah, Doll, we did. We were supposed to meet to go to Tony’s birthday party together. When you didn’t show up and didn’t answer your phone, I got worried and came here.” He growls derisively

 "Isn’t that next week, on the 28th?“ your brows scrunching in confusion?

 "It’s been a week. Today is the 28th!” He spits, standing. “I see my concern was misplaced. You obviously don’t care enough to read my texts anymore.”

 Your jaw pops open, “What do you mean, I haven’t gotten any texts from you!” You pull out your phone and click it on to see not one, but several missed texts and a few missed calls with voicemails. “Fuck. I’m sorry Bucky, I mustn’t have turned my ringer back on after my test.”

 "Yeah, well, I would say it’s okay, but it’s not. I’m hurt, you are always gone, and when you are here, your head is a million miles away. I don’t know what happened. Actually, I do. Sean happened. Ever since you met him, it’s always 'Sean this, Sean that.’“

 Your eyes are opened so wide as you stare at the fuming Bucky. You knew he was a little jealous, but you’ve never seen him this upset at someone being close to you.

  You open your mouth to respond, but Bucky cuts you off. "I bet you were with Sean while I was sitting here wondering if you were dead in a ditch somewhere.”

 "That’s not fair, Bucky. Sean has nothing to do with this. It was my own mistake, and Sean is my friend. It’s not like I could even try replacing you. Sean isn’t interested in me.“

 "That’s a load of bullshit. I’ve seen how he looks at you.” Bucky rages. “And you’re no better. You are continually eye-fucking him. If I didn’t know better, I would assume that you were actually fucking him, but you’re too much of a baby to even try that.”

 "What do you mean too much of a baby? And how does he look at me?“ you yell back, hurt piling behind your eyes, causing your sinuses to burn with unshed tears. Where was all of this coming from? This is not the Bucky that you know. The Bucky you know is sweet and loyal, not this insecure dickwad.

 "Oh, you know exactly what I mean on both counts! He looks at you like you are a piece of meat he’s hunting. Another notch in his belt. Too bad for him. You can’t even get to second base with your long-term boyfriend without backing out.” He insults, coming to stand in front of you. The few inches he has on you feeling like feet as he towers over you.

 "Bucky, I think you need to leave.“ You say as calmly as you can, trying to keep the fear from your features. 

 "I think your right. I think you need to think really hard about what you want. I love you, but I won’t play second fiddle to some snot-nosed brat. When you decide that you are willing to put forth effort in our relationship, you know where I live.” He says, walking out of your front door. 

 The door’s slam shut is the last straw; tears stream down your cheeks in salty turrets. You don’t even notice the pencil falling out from behind your ear as you collapse into a heap of sobs on the floor. How dare he? How could he say such hurtful things? I thought he was happy that I had a new friend.

 A few days go by with no word from Bucky. Your last final comes and goes. You ignore everything, preferring to mope in your self-pity alone. Your home turns into a giant blanket-fort before you can even think about what you are doing. Thinking about what Bucky said to you, you hide away from the hurt you feel. Maybe he was right, you had been spending more time with Sean lately than you did with Bucky. When was the last time you saw him that wasn’t just you collapsing onto the couch and falling asleep in his arms? A few weeks at least. 

 Gods, you were an idiot. How could you not see how far away you had drifted from him? He was right, you were scared to go with your instincts when it came to the physical things in your relationship. It was wrong of him to use it against you like that, but it was true. 

 Was he right about what Sean wanted with you, though? If so, you were going to need to set some clear-cut rules. If not, you were still going to have to make sure that you weren’t ignoring Bucky just to spend time with Sean. It wasn’t right to do that, because you love Bucky. He gave you a joy that you had yet to find with anyone else, Sean included.

  Sighing into your body pillow, you sit up. You know what you have to do. Climbing out of your blanket fort, you pull on a hoodie and some simple trainers. Quickly, you gather your keys and wallet before you chicken out on what needs to happen and head out the door, pushing your way swiftly to where you know Bucky will be. 

 When you finally make it to the Avenger’s Tower, you have gotten one too many disapproving stares from the businesspeople. You march right into the building and scan your card to get into the Avenger’s only elevator. “Friday, will you take me to where Bucky is. It’s important.”

 "Of course, miss.“ came the swift reply. 

 Not five minutes later, you were face-to-door with Bucky’s office placard. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes to center yourself. Before you can knock, Bucky opens the door.

 "Doll,” He said, His tone night and day to the one he used the last time you spoke.

 "Hey Buck, we need to talk, do you have a moment.

 Your puffy eyes, disheveled pajama fashion statement, and dejected tone must have tipped him off to how well I was doing because he simply stepped aside, letting me into the office before pulling me into a tight hug. 

 "Does this mean you are choosing us?“ He whispers nervously.

 "Yes. But you need to know that you hurt me and it wasn’t okay. You should’ve just told me how you were feeling. You are an adult, Buck. The main reason our relationship has been going so well is that we are honest with each other. I love you, but you exploded, and it not only scared me, but you also used the one thing that I have problems with against me.” you say tears wetting his shirt as you lean into the hug.

 "I’m so sorry, Sugarcube. I knew as soon as I said it that I crossed the line, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t come back. I love you. Please forgive me.“

 "I forgive you, but you are going to have to earn back some of the trust I gave you. You are my priority, but Sean is still going to be one of my friends.”

 "Reasonable. I love you.“ He whispered, holding you tighter to his chest. And you knew that even if it wasn’t alright at the moment, it was going to be.

#boyfriend!bucky #reader insert #bucky x you #bucky barnes #idk what im doing #thank you anonymous #fins reads #fins' fic recs #fins' recs #fins recs fics #fanfiction #fic reblog

[thestuckylibrary]

Group Ask 159

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Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!

Anon 1 said:

Hi, I'm looking for a fic where Bucky is a familiar and Steve is a witch. Bucky had been captured by a wizard that kept him as a source of magic. He escapes as a cat and runs into Steve, who takes him in under the impression that that he's a stray. Eventually he turns back into a human and, long story short, they fuck and live happily ever after. Thank you for your help!

Anon 2 said:

Hey! So, I've been looking for this fic for almost a year now, and I've had no luck in finding it. Here's what I remember: Natasha and Tony watch either live video or audio feed of Stucky having sex, and they both get turned on. Natasha leaves before Tony does, and at the end of the fic, Steve says something along the lines of "I know you're there, Tony". I wish I could I could remember more details, but it's been a while... I really, really hope you can find it. Thanks for the help!

shinsouaizawa said:

Hi, I’m looking for a fic where Steve takes Bucky to the MoMA after the events of tws and Bucky sees a Rothko painting and he gets real emotional about it? I can’t find it and would love some help. Thanks!

elladoraevans sent in Captain America and the Great Pygmalion Debacle by Chianine (complete | 31,739 | E)

definemathinnumbers said:

I was wondering if anyone knew the story where Bucky and Steve are con artists in modern day, and Bucky gets busted and taken in by SHIELD so Steve disguised himself as an agent to sneak in after him. He gets caught and recruited. Modern!skinny!steve, he was colour blind, had hearing aids and scoliosis? Shitty apartment, saving money for a better place and art school with scams. Bucky was pretending to be selling a cruise when he’s busted by Nat and Clint I believe

Anon 3 said:

i searched for this fic in your blog but i can’t find it but i remember clearly that i found it on your blog sorry :/// so steve is a retired cap?? n they are choosing the new cap between bucky sharon n peggy n one time steve kidnaps bucky bc bucky is fury’s best agent n he has smth w fury?? there’s some smut as well i think hopefully u can help me thanks so much!!! ur blog is super helpful xxxx (steve n peggy are divorced n age gap between steve n bucky if it helps!!) thanks again

dolphinqueen10 sent in  if you're looking for jesus (then get on your knees) by voxofthevoid (oneshot | 18,171 | E)

alrightyaphrdite said:

fic where steve like works as santa in a mall and i’m p sure it closes down or something n he needs a new job n starts working for bucky around his cabin in the woods??? i can’t find this anywhere

gildinwenthekittenblog said:

There's a post Endgame fix where our Steve- goes back to the 2012 timeline, to try to get that Timeline's Bucky out from under Hydra control much earlier. He makes out with himself early on in the fic, as ruse to explain why Cap is HYDRA ( going under the alias of Chris) and he finds closure with Natasha and Tony of that TL, and I can't find it which sucks cos I really loved it :(

getstucky sent in darling heart, i loved you from the start (but that’s no excuse for the state i’m in) by voxofthevoid (oneshot | 19,725 | T)

soulsofsunshines said:

Hi! I'm looking for a shrinkyclinks fic, with ws!bucky as part of the avengers team (none of the avengers actually know anything about him). They keep asking him to join them for movie nights, but he turns them down. Then one day something happens (I think he maybe has a bit of a panic attack???) and tiny Steve shows up and reminds Bucky that he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do - like sort of reminding him he's a person? I've been searching forever, any help is appreciated!

time-lord-no-more sent in A Matter of Pride(?) by Quarra (complete | 5,918 | M)

Anon 4 said:

hey im looking for this fic i lost.. it's a modern, no powers au and steve smokes weed for pain management (?), bucky has two big doggos (i think it was huskies) and they are neighbors who don't immediately hit it off?? thanks for the help! :)

Anon 5 said:

steve has blood on his hands but only he can see it, bucky doesnt talk to him anymore but hes in a group called “the trio” with nat and clint, steve has a panic attack on a mission when bucky dances with natasha, bucky tells him later that he couldnt be around him because he didnt want to risk hurting him and he knew nat would fight back if he went back into winter soldier mode thank you for your help!!

dolphinqueen10 sent in Blood on my Hands by Tator (oneshot | 7,820 | G)

tiredhomosapien said:

Hi I've tried looking through tags but I can't find the fic where: Bucky is currently in college and Natasha just broke up with him for being too boring. He's mopes a little but Steve ( pre-serum) pops up again after being gone for years. Steve is there to woo him and is actually a pretty successful artist, Bucky models nude for him at some point. Steve speaks multiple languages and at one pints tells Tony(?) to back off because he was there for Bucky. Thank you for all the work you do!

dolphinqueen10 and autonomygirl sent in Lessons In Chemistry by Brenda (complete | 42,392 | E)

Anon 6 said: (polyamory)

Hi there! I'm trying to refind poly au series in which steve and bucky ask out Nurse! Tony and the date was going great on the end of Steve/Tony but Bucky was glaring and aloof to Tony the entire date.

Anon 7 said: (mcd)

there was an abo fic and it was set in 40s, steve didn't receive the serum and bucky came home after war. they are bonded and married and bucky works in a garage that's ruled by the romanoffs. they have a lot of kids, like a lot. and at the end i think it was steve who died first then bucky followed him in couple days. it was a very cute one and i'd like to read it again, pls help me thanks!!

goldenmoleblr sent in Like Rahab by moonythejedi394 (complete | 131,789 | E) - check additional tags!

Anon 8 said:   (Not Stucky)

Hello, Does anyone know of a fic where Bucky (I think) has a pet rock that someone glued onto a block of wood and added googly eyes and a tiara? It either said "Pretty Princess Award" or "I'm a pretty princess." I haven't been able to find it searching in the AU tags. Thanks!

Anon 9 said:

hello!!! im looking for a fic and the only part i can remember is this girl who works in the tower has a crush on bucky and then learns hes dating steve and tries to kiss bucky and take a picture so she can send it to steve but steve sees it happen and he yells at her, i think theres more to the one shot than this but i couldnt find it in your 5+1 tag, thank you for your help!

#group asks

[tranquil-space-ninja]

Pictures (Vent ft. Sanders' Sides)

Just need to get something out of my head. Don't hate on any of the characters, please. This is gonna be kinda long, so just a heads up.

Tw: mentions of inappropriate pictures, sex is said (but not done), suicidal thoughts/attempts, unsympathetic Logan (maybe), controlling behavior

--------------------------------------------------

Remus held the phone close to his ear, smiling at Patton's soft voice. "I miss you," he said. "I wish I could see your smiling face."

"We could hop onto Skype," Remus suggested. "Keep talking. And I could stare at your eyes forever."

"Um.... It's getting kinda late for that. Could you text me a selfie? I can't deal with quarantine right now." Remus suddenly felt sad, like months of bad memories were crashing over him.

"Oh. I don't really like to take pictures of myself...."

"Okay. Skype tomorrow at 3?" Remus tried to force a smile, even though Patton couldn't see him.

"Sure, Pat. Love you."

"Love you, too!" Remus hung up. At that moment, he got a Discord message from logic103.

Hey.

Even though he really didn't want to, Remus typed, Hey, back. He had told Logan they would still be friends. He couldn't just ignore him.

***

They had met the month before Remus's freshman year of high school. Remus had been reading a cool Star Wars fanfic that reduced him to tears of laughter every time. He saw that someone else had commented. He forgot what Logan had said, but Remus interacted with him and soon they were having a conversation. It moved to Remus's dms, where they talked more. Logan introduced Remus to RWBY, which he fell in love with. They began a Star Wars/RWBY crossover RP, and Remus revealed to Logan that he was male. Logan seemed surprised, but Remus didn't think anything of it. Then Logan asked him if they could move to Discord.

Remus agreed, set up an account, and accepted Logan as a friend. Then Logan dmed him, gave him a quick tutorial, and they talked the night away. Logan was only a year older than Remus, and really sweet and funny without meaning to be. At some point, Logan asked Remus what he thought about him. Remus said, "I think you're the kind of person who has lots of friends simply because they like being around him."

"That's not true," Logan said. "I don't really have any friends. You're the only one who's ever been nice to me. I-I love you." Remus was quiet for a moment.

"You love me?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Remus was scared and confused and didn't know what to say or how to feel. A boy had never told him he loved him before. He didn't know if he was in love or not. He had never been in love before. He did like Logan, though. He was everything Remus wanted in a guy, or at least he seemed to be. So, he said, "I love you, too." And agreed to be Logan's boyfriend.

At first, everything was great. They talked all the time, and Remus didn't think he could be happier. Then the beginning of the end came.

Logan asked him to take a picture of his shirt off.

Remus still didn't think anything of it. He thought that was what boyfriends did. So he took that first picture and sent it to Logan. And it was okay. Logan told him he was hot, which made Remus feel good. As long as Logan was happy, Remus was, too.

Then Logan started asking for more. Remus didn't always want to take them, and he said as much. Logan respected that, and things were good. They talked about Star Wars and RWBY and texted each other memes when they were upset. Sometimes, Logan's self esteem dropped pretty low, but Remus was always there for him.

Remus didn't really think about it when Logan yelled at him for liking a RWBY theory he didn't agree with and commanded Remus not to watch any other theory videos Logan didn't preapprove. Or when Remus said a song reminded him of them, and Logan told him he had ruined the song for him.

One day, Remus told Logan, "You never push me to do anything. I appreciate that."

"I don't, do I?" Logan said.

Logan asked for pictures again some time later. When Remus said no, he was tired and his sister was there, Logan asked if he could try. Remus said no again, and Logan kept pushing. Finally, Remus snapped, "I said no, stop asking!" Logan apologized and said he just got carried away.

But he kept doing the same thing over and over.

Once, Remus's mom found him crying in the middle of the night. He told her he had just listened to So Big/So Small from Dear Evan Hansen and it had hit too close to home. The truth was, Logan had been talking about Remus's parents like they were together, and Remus had tried to get him to stop because it upset him. Logan kept brushing him off, and had snapped at Remus after a bit.

Remus finally agreed to take pictures for Logan to get him off his back. But Logan just kept asking for more. With Marching Band and school, and now the things Logan asked Remus to do with his clothes off piling up like asignments, Remus was stressed out. Once, Logan threatened to withold affection if Remus didn't take pictures, which made it harder to say no in the future. Everything was always about sex, and Logan never wanted to hear songs in musicals Remus liked, even though Remus at least listened to all the songs Logan sent him. He loved Logan, but it was starting to be to much.

He was starting to get annoyed with when Logan would tell Remus not to make Indianna Jones references because, "Indy was his thing."

Then Logan wouldn't answer his messages for a day. He was back the next day, and reassured Remus he had just been at a friend's house. It was okay.

But then he disappeared again, this time for months. Remus was confused and worried and sad. Had he done something wrong? Was Logan cheating on him? Was Logan sick or hurt? Remus texted Logan often, giving him updates and asking if he was okay, to no response. He took pictures and sent them to Logan, because Logan had wanted pictures and if Remus gave Logan what he wanted, he might come back, right?

But Logan didn't come back for a long time.

It was the day before Marching Band Championships. His friend Virgil was upset about something, two friends were fighting because they both liked him, and Remus was miserable. And then, Logan texted him, I.... I told you not to text me unless I text you.

I'm sorry, Remus answered.

Never again.

I promise. I love you.

Logan didn't say anything else. Remus was lost and stressed, and sad. He hid and cried for a while. He didn't hide well, though, because everyone saw him, and checked in on him. He was making everyone worried. He was being a burden. So, he did the only thing he could think of.

He wrapped his hands around his throat and squeezed. But his body wouldn't let him deprive himself of air and just die like he needed to. Like he deserved to.

He prepared to try again. He started writing a note to his brother-friend, Janus, but didn't get too far. He made plans to try again months later. He heard from Logan again briefly before months more of silence. Then he found out that Logan was in the hospital.

Months more passed, and he heard from Logan briefly a few times. They talked like they were dating still, but their conversations were sporadic and Remus felt hollow all the time. So, in April that year, he ended things. Logan tried to get him to stay, but Remus finally stood up for his mental health and broke up with him, but agreed to be friends.

***

Remus laid down in bed and watched one of Patton's Tik Toks, smiling. He was okay now. He still talked to Logan, but he wasn't a mess because of him anymore.

There were bad things because of him sometimes still. Remus didn't like taking selfies. He had a hard time saying no to sexual things guys wanted to do, and there were intrusive thoughts lingering in the background of his mind still. Every time a friend said they liked Remus because he was so nice to him, he wanted to scream, "YES, I'M NICE TO YOU! I'M CHAOTIC AND STRANGE AND I'M NICE TO PEOPLE!"

But ha had moved on. He dated other guys. He was on the road to recovery. He was going to be okay.

--------------------------------------------------

Not tagging anyone in this for reasons. Please don't hate on any of the characters in this because you don't like what happened. I used the characters to talk about my experience during that time in my life without anyone attacking my ex.

If there's anything I need to add to the trigger warnings, let me know.

#vent #logan sanders #sanders sides #remus sanders #logan x remus

[inforapound]

Ease The Dawn Chapter 8

A/N - Thank you, everyone, for reading. Let me know what you think or if you would like to be tagged. Chapter 9 up later today.

Pairing - Ivar and Aethelswith

Chapter - 8 of 18

Ivar had little patience for the discussions around the fire. The updates on Alfred's army and their feeble attempt to push Ivar's men back but he had heard little of the last few moments of back and forth.

Finally making his way down the path to the tent, he wondered how she would be occupying her time. Perhaps, sitting by the fire having a glass of the mulled wine he brought back from a recent raid, or maybe using his desk for beloved sketch work.

Shuffling forward he was anxious to see her response to the small jar of skin oil he had left, placed inside a linen pouch, on the log table beside her bed. It smelt of roses and she had mentioned that the cooler air left her skin feeling dry. He savored receiving her humble appreciation for his simple offerings. It was nearly effortless to please her, keep her amenable. Sad really, he thought, as he picked up his pace, hurrying toward their tent, stopping at the entrance and pulling back the flap.

"Princess, should we..."

He stopped dead in his tracks. The tent was dark and the fire was out. Where was she, his mind raced, his chest filling with panic.

"Slave! Gussr!" he roared, realizing he had walked past an empty stool when entering.

Stepping out of the tent, he hollered again for attention. The air was still and no one acknowledged his calls. Dread began to spread through his body. Where was Aethelswith? Where was she? Snapping his head to look in all directions, he scanned the surrounding tents, finding the area void of men. With the evening meal already underway, no one was left mulling around. Lifting his ear, he listened for sounds above the moving air, searching for rushed voices, horses, metal colliding but all was quiet.

Shuffling in the direction of his men, he stopped and turned, hearing the sound of her squealing voice.

"My Lord! My Lord!"

Glancing again towards the river, he heard her cries, frenzied and distant, her voice muffled by the wind. Rushing forward as rapidly as he could, his right hand dropped to his ax and his left squeezed his crutch. Nearly dropping to the cold earth to crawl, he saw her racing towards him. Hurrying, she clutched the hem of her dress in one hand and waved her other arm high above her head. Following behind was Gussr and Brana, moving at a less vigorous pace. Narrowing his eyes, he scanned the area of the river beyond to find it empty of threats.

"My Lord, look!" she cried.

In her hand, raised in the air to show him was a small fish, dangling on a string. Her face was alive and she was smiling brightly with excitement. As she grew near, she stopped still on the path, seeing the look on Ivar's face.

"WHAT do you think you are doing!" he screamed loud enough to startle all three of them. Aethelswith's eyes grew wide and her head shot back as if she had collided with a raging wind.

"You were not in the tent! You are always in the tent when I return. I thought someone had taken you. Gussr!" be barked a warning over Aethelswith's shoulder.  No trace of the previous smile remained on Gussr's now worried face.

"And you!" Ivar's head turned to look at Brana. "I returned to a dark tent, an unlit fire and no evening meal! You will be punished for ignoring your dut..."

"Please, my Lord," Aethelswith cut in. "It is my fault. She stayed upon my request to show me how to clean the fish."

"Quiet!" Ivar roared, his eyes cutting into Aethelswith's. "You, too, need to be reminded of your place. You have had too much ease of movement and it stops now. You will also be punished."

Aethelswith's chin began to tremble at the ferocity of his words and she dropped her gaze to the grass poking up between her leather shoes. Gussr stepped closer, standing directly behind her.

"Look at me," Ivar snapped, the tendons shifting below the skin of his jaw.

Glancing up, her round, soft blue eyes met his furious face just as a tear tipped over the edge and ran down her rosy cheek. He froze, his chest instantly tight, making him feel winded. Fluttering his eyelids, he attempted to keep focus. In all that time, even when dragged from her carriage and her guards gutted, she had never shed a tear.

Looking passed her, he was struck by the concern in both Gussr and Brana's expressions. Recomposing, he returned his gaze to Aethelswith's. There was no fear there, it was devastation. Disappointment. Sadness. Clenching his hands into fists, he fought the urge to reach forward and comfort her.

"Leave us," he ordered.

Racing away, Brana moved  in the direction of the tent and Gussr made a motion to leave but stopped.

"The lady was only..." Gussr started in Norse.

"You are dismissed until dawn," Ivar cut him off sharply. Hesitating, Gussr slowly turned and started off up the gentle slope towards the evening meal.

The rigidness in Ivar's body softened when he saw that Aethelswith was still looking at the ground. Her anguish made him feel hollow. Had she compared him to her husband, he wondered? He should not care or doubt his treatment of her as she was a prisoner... a Saxon....and he could not back down. Closing his eyes, his thoughts streamed faster and faster. He was being ridiculous.

"Princess," he opened his eyes and looked at her. "I thought something happened to you." His voice was low and steady. "That you had been taken, or attacked." A pressure squeezed his chest as if his leathers were bound too tight. Clearing his throat, he swallowed hard, feeling out of his element but he would not, could not, appear weak.

Still not looking up, her hands were clasped, holding onto the string, with the small fish hanging against her skirt.

"I am sorry."

GODS! Gritting his teeth, he looked up to the darkening sky, shaking his head, disgusted with his feebleness.

Clearing his throat, "You are of no value to me harmed."

GODS! He cringed again, rolling his eyes at his graceless attempt of recovery. Shifting awkwardly, his legs ached from standing and all he wanted was for the atmosphere to return to how it usually was between them.

Exhaling loudly, he tried again. "I can show you how to clean the fish...if you would allow me to."

Wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her dress, she gave a slight nod, continuing to look at the ground. Lifting his arm, he indicated for her to lead. Stepping forward, she made her way up the path and a wave of relief washed over him as he moved behind her petite frame, back towards their tent. ---- An awkward tutorial. A knife too large for a tiny hand. An inexperienced teacher. A tender pupil. And finally, a deep gash to the inside of a thumb.

The knife bounced off the edge of the table and into the grass as the first drop of blood splattered into the opaque eye of the fish below. Grabbing her wrist, Ivar pulled her hand up to his face and pushed her thumb between his lips, into his mouth. Not able to shift her gaze from his lips, her eyelids softened, as his tongue slid over the stinging slit in her skin. Her own lips parted, and she let out a slow, shaky breath. Heat bubbled up through her body and she felt the flight of a thousand moths in her chest. Swallowing with difficulty, she told herself not to look into his eyes...but she did. His piercing blue eyes were dark, a richer blue than she had ever seen with an expression of sincerity on his open face.

Slowly, he pulled her thumb out of his mouth, her hand still tucked in his, and pressed it to his chest. Warmth radiated through his brown tunic and he lowered his gaze down to her gently parted lips; his head shifting forward slightly before hesitating. Looking back into her eyes, he did not move.

Do it, she thought, do it. There are countless reasons why I will not resist.

The tent flap opened.

"Ivar," Hvitserk blurted out, abruptly stopping, his eyes darting between them. Frowning, he seemed puzzled by their closeness

Reacting first, Aethelswith pulled her hand back from Ivar's and walked to her bed, dropping to sit on the edge, keeping her back to the them.

"The scout has returned."

Ivar shot Hvitserk a look of warning to not utter another word. Glancing at the back of her, he grabbed his crutch and limped out of the tent, Hvitserk trailing behind.

Bringing her thumb to her mouth, she rubbed it across her top lip before slipping it inside, searching for his taste. Staring, her eyes were lost in the flickering flame of the candle sitting on the wood round beside her bed. The tent flap opened and she spun anticipating Ivar. Instead, Brana entered carrying a bowl of water and a bundle of white cloth clearly following orders given by him. Sitting down on the bed, she gently pulled over Aethelswith's hand, tipping it up to the light to look at the wound. Nodding as if seeing the answer to a riddle, she dipped a cloth into the water and softly started to dab the pad of Aethelswith's thumb. Rinsing the cloth left the water a shade of pink and once the blood was clear, Brana wrapped a gauze-like cloth around it, moving tactfully as if she was tending to the most sacred duty. Once done, Aethelswith lifted her bandaged hand, surveying the result and glanced over at Brana's earnest face. She burst out laughing and Brana immediately joined. It was ridiculous and enormous, more bandage than an amputation would have required.

Their laughter dwindled, trailing off and Brana grasped Aethelswith's hand. Looking straight into her eyes, Brana nodded with understanding, and Aethelswith bit the inside of her cheek to steady her emotions.

"Be careful," Brana whispered, her eyes darting to the tent door. They sat quietly for a moment, Brana's face locked with worry. "The Prince has never seemed captivated by women the way other men are." She paused running her finger over Aethelswith's bandage, smoothing an edge. "Six years I have been his personal thrall, and not once have I seen him take a slave to bed or one of the shieldmaidens who are visibility taken with him." Her eyes widened emphasizing her point, "and there are a number, particularly, now that he is the head of the army." She looked down again to their clasped hands seemingly lost for the right words. "No, you have woken something inside of him. Perhaps, something he never knew existed." She looked back up to Aethelswith. "Tread carefully sweet girl. He is a clever man but impulsive and one who refuses to lose." Aethelswith's lashes fluttered and her head shook in confusion, processing her friend's words.

"I am his bartering pawn. He thinks I am a silly princess," she uttered quietly.

Leaning closer, Brana eyed her, squeezing her hand. "He thinks the sun rises for you."

.

 @flowers-in-your-hayr @justanothershelby @naaladareia @dreamwritesimagines @medievalfangirl @yanii-the-hippie @lol-haha-joke @youbloodymadgenius @jacksonroth @allvikingsfanfic @fangirl-nonsense @ill-skillsgard @equalstrashflavoredtrash @ceridwenofwales @whenimaunicorn

#ivar lothbrok #ivar's heathen army #vikings ivar #ivar #ivar ragnarson #ivar x princess aethelswith #ivar fic #romantic ivar #slow burn #eventual smut #ivar the boneless #aethelswith #kidnapping #frennemies #ivar x princess

[takingcourage]

Flat

Pairing: Jaime x MC

Word Count: 1,750

Summary: A blown tire leaves Arden stranded on the side of the road. Will she allow Jaime to help, or will her stubbornness get the better of her? 

Note: My sincere apologies for failing to update Additions last week. School was all consuming and the time I meant to spend editing part 5 went to grading instead. Life should settle down soon, but in the meantime, here’s a quick little story that started as a drabble and got out of hand.

Thanks, @krishu213 for requesting #2 from the 45 OTP Prompt list! : ) The prompt itself is in bold.  

Kicking the driver’s door shut behind her, Arden sidestepped to the back of her car. She swung the trunk open with one hand, using the other to raise her cell phone to her ear. The tinny speaker rang twice before Jaime picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, babe,” she started casually. With her free hand, she rummaged through a mess of papers and her spare umbrella, tossing them to one side of the spacious trunk. “I’m just calling to let you know that I’ll be a few minutes late tonight. Nothing to worry about. I’m fine.”

There was a pause before his response. “Are you on the highway?”

Arden winced at the realization that he could hear the speeding traffic from the other end of the phone. “Uh…” 

She couldn’t lie. 

They didn’t lie to each other. Especially not after that disastrous second interview with Carmichael a year ago. Resigned, she sped over the response to his question. “Yeah, changing the tire real quick.”

“Arden…” He wasn’t upset, per se, but the resignation in his tone still stung.  

“I know how to do it,” she protested, wedging the phone between her cheek and shoulder. As she listened to his tentative breath across the line, she tossed an empty suitcase to the side of the road. “Jaime, even if you hadn’t taught me how to do this, there are Wiki-hows and tutorials all over Youtube. I’ve got this covered.”

With a grimace, she recalled the fact that she’d barely been able to get the lug nuts off when they’d practiced in their driveway.

“I taught you in case of emergencies. This isn’t an emergency.”

Arden soldiered on petulantly, ignoring the sheen of sweat that was breaking over her forehead. With a quiet grunt, she yanked up the floor of the trunk to expose the donut and jack. 

“Babe, get back in the car,” his tone was gentle, but commanding. “Turn up the AC and hang out for a few minutes. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

As much as she wanted to argue, just the sight of the pitiful replacement tire was enough to stir up a sense of dread in the pit of her stomach. With only a moment’s consideration, she dropped the flap back down and returned to the driver’s seat. “Okay.”

“Thank you. And thanks for calling me. I know you didn’t want to.”

“You’re welcome,” she mumbled. With an extended sigh, she started the car and watched the traffic through her rearview mirror. There were still a lot of sunlight hours left, but she couldn’t wait for the day to be over. 

A key interview had fallen through this afternoon at the last minute. She and Ellen had been this close to completing their one-year retrospective on the state of Oak Hills, and today’s interview was supposed to be the finishing touch for the entire project. If they didn’t find someone else to fill the gap, the final third of the article would no longer fit the way they’d intended.

Arden leaned into the vent, trying to keep her burning eyes from breaking into tears. Such disappointments were inevitable in her line of work, but the stakes felt especially high with this story. She knew those farmers personally. She and Jaime had helped in the efforts to clean up the damage that the oil pipeline left behind. Better than anyone, she knew the work that still needed to be done in the months and years to come. Letting their story go forgotten was intolerable. 

Jaime’s engine revved on the other side of the line. 

Leaning back into her seat, she reached for her briefcase. “I should probably let you focus on driving,” she offered as she slipped the laptop from its sleeve.

He was quiet for several moments. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

Biting her tongue to draw out the sting of disappointment, she pressed her face into the flow of air a second time. “It’s just been a long day,” she told him finally. “I’m ready for it to be over so I can come home.” 

“Okay. I’m coming as fast as I can.” 

“Thanks. I’ll see you soon.” 

“See you. Wait, Arden?” It sounded like an afterthought. “Please stay in the car. I want you safe.” 

She smiled despite herself, giggling softly at his unnecessary worry. “It’s the back passenger tire. I could get out and fix it without ever being on the side of traffic.”

“No...”

It was impossible not to challenge him when she heard the unease in his tone. “I’m serious! I could head out there and start loosening things up for you.”

“No.”

“Are you sure? I’ll bet I could have the lug nuts off by the time you get here.” 

She could just hear his chuckle over the line as he realized she was joking. “I’m sure you’d threaten them into submission. All hundred and five pounds of you...” he added under his breath. “Just hang tight. I’ll be there in less than fifteen minutes.” 

“See you soon,” she agreed, feeling more at ease than she had in hours. 

True to his word, he arrived some thirteen minutes later. In the meantime, she’d started outlining potential changes to the article’s organization. It hadn’t been much, but the work she’d done was enough to persuade her that there was still hope of finishing the story well, with or without the interview. 

Arden closed the computer as his familiar truck slowed and came to a stop on the shoulder behind. Both exiting carefully, they met one another on the stretch of pavement between vehicles. 

She flashed a shy smile, unable to keep her eyes from drifting over the sorry scene she’d caused. From the wilted tire to the contents of her trunk that were strewn along the shoulder, it wasn’t a pretty sight. Jaime’s gaze remained trained on her. 

“You look like you need a hug.” He was inches away, the mingled scent of his deodorant and aftershave heady in the summer heat.  

“It’s hot and sticky,” she protested weakly. Even as she did so, she dropped both hands to her sides and fell into his broad chest.

He pulled her close, enveloping her every sense. “We’ll be home showering soon.”

Arden’s lips tickled with the sigh she exhaled against the soft cotton of his T-shirt. “Good. I’m so done with today.” No matter how wonderful he felt, the evening sun was quickly making their hug unbearable. She stepped back and straightened the hem of her blouse. 

Jaime hiked a hand through his hair before turning his attention to her flat. “Wanna tell me about it while I get this tire straightened out?”

“Not yet.” She circled the car with him, propping a hip against the passenger side door. “I’m still trying to figure out how to solve it at the moment. But I’ll fill you in once I do.”

“Deal.”

She watched as he returned to the open trunk, noticing the skeptical look he’d cast over the belongings she’d tossed to the side of the road. 

Although he said nothing, she hoped he didn’t notice the way the tags on her suitcase fluttered under the pressure of speeding traffic. Or the tear in the plastic wrapping of her value-pack of toilet paper. Or the fact that her twelve-pack of ginger ale was being exposed to extreme temperatures while sitting out on the asphalt. 

“I know, I know. My car’s a mess.” 

He met her eyes with a lopsided grin. “You’ve just gotta stop using your trunk as a catch-all for things you don’t feel like carrying into the house.”

“But it’s such a good place for storage!”

Jaime rolled his eyes and lifted out the donut for inspection. “There are shelves in our pantry for all of that stuff.” 

Pursing her lips, she reluctantly acknowledged that he was right. “I’ll empty it when we get home.” 

Shaking his head, he knelt to begin removing the busted tire. Arden held out a hand to take the lug nuts, one by one. 

“I’m glad you called me. These were stuck on pretty tight.” 

“I would have gotten them eventually.” 

His arm paused as he squinted up at her. “I know. But you don’t have to wait for eventually. I can have you out of here as soon as possible.” 

A flare of jealousy turned her appreciation into anger. She knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but the implication reminded her of the afternoon’s previous failure. Faced with the memory of something she couldn’t do on her own, it was difficult to swallow the pride he took in his own abilities. 

“I’m not helpless,” she mumbled, not intending the words for anyone but herself. 

Jaime dropped the tire iron with a clatter and stood to his feet. He kept his dirty hands far away from her clothes, but brushed a knuckle along the back of her wrist. “Arden, look at me.” 

She obeyed, cheeks throbbing red from the heat of her frustration. Her husband was as calm and collected as ever, his own muscles relaxed even as she tightened her grip on the small metal circles in her palm. 

“Babe, you are absolutely the furthest thing from helpless. I hope that never changes. But it doesn’t mean you can’t let others help you from time to time.”

“I just hate being needy.” She glanced back toward the battered tire between them. 

“Two things.” He made sure that he had her eyes again before continuing on. “You aren’t needy, and I really enjoy helping you. I have for a long time.”

The corners of her mouth curved up, leaving brighter thoughts behind. “You really are Mr. Fix-it, aren’t you?”

His face quirked with a dubious slant before settling into a smile. “For you? Happily.” 

Arden swept up the tire iron and handed it back to him with an affectionate grin, her lungs inflating with a new sense of purpose. “Then let’s finish up here and go home.” 

“Wanna go for a swim when we get back?”

Feeling the burdens of the afternoon lift from her shoulders, she threw her head back with a laugh. “Yes, please.”

“But Arden?” He wrenched the final nut loose and handed it to her with a flourish. 

“Hmm?”

“We’re emptying that trunk first.” 

She giggled as she caught his sidelong glance. Suddenly, the rest of the day didn’t seem so bad after all. 

#playchoices #playchoices fanfiction #wishful thinking #jaime lewis #jaime x mc

[goth-bunny]

Okay Apex mutuals and followers, I have a confession.........about Miragehound.....

I’m so sorry that you have to hear this from me.

It’s gotten to the point that it makes me uncomfortable to see it.

I know it’s just a ship, that it’s fiction.

But hear me out for a bit.

Bloodhound is what got me out of a dysfunctional relationship last February.

My ex and I dated each other over the Internet for 4 months, until he finally decided to dump me, telling me that what we had “didn’t feel real”, even though he never stopped gushing about his fictional crush about me while we were still dating. I’ve talked to him about it countless times, but he never listened. I’ve put a lot of effort into making our relationship work, gave him gifts (totaling about $70) even though I was unemployed back then, when he only gave me like, less than half of that. He even had the guts to block me back in April when I was worrying about being unemployed, when he’s held a job for years and spends most of his paycheck on merchandise.

After he had unblocked me a week later, things didn’t feel the same. Being with him for 4 months took a huge toll on my self-esteem. I made the right decision to stop talking to him in July.

But enough about him.

February 28th was the 2nd day after my ex dumped me. I remember only having a cup of coffee, a banana, and a small bowl of Cheetos for breakfast then. But I was tired of being miserable and decided to give Apex Legends a go, mostly because I heard that there was a canonically nonbinary character in it and that the teaser trailer was amazing.

I headed to the gaming cafe, signed up for an Origin account, and enter the Tutorial mode without expecting much.

To my surprise, the very character I’ve been expecting was there during the first part of it. Bloodhound.

After playing the Tutorial, I tried the regular play mode and got matched up with a Mirage while I was Lifeline. Unfortunately, I had no idea what I was doing and died anyway. I spent the remainder of my gaming cafe time listening to Bloodhound’s quips/voice lines and decided that despite the stoic and intimidating image they give off to others, they’d probably be the most understanding and nonjudgmental character in the game. I felt like, they’d accept me, even if I were a flaming pile of garbage.

I put the game aside and decided that it wasn’t my thing, trying to go back to playing Overwatch even without my ex. Of course, it didn’t feel the same. Things just got worse and worse with the Overwatch PR, with Sigma’s backstory and the whole thing about Blizzard banning a Hearthstone player for siding with Hong Kong.

Last June, I had a dream about Bloodhound out of nowhere.

We were both alone in the woods, and they found it safe to take their helmet and mask off. They were a black person with short, curly red hair. And I kissed them on the cheek.

Two more dreams would follow that, within the span of two weeks. One where we were wearing matching black suits with red ties on a date, and the last one was...well, NSFW.

I finally came to terms that I do have a crush on Bloodhound, and maybe more than that. But after what I experienced with my ex, I worry about alienating others and pushing them away.

Now, the Miragehound part.

I’m seeing that most, if not almost all, Bloodhound fans in the fandom automatically ship them with Mirage.

This would be fine with me, if it weren’t for numerous reasons:

1) Mirage reminds me a whole lot of my ex’s fictional crush. In the fact that he’s a POC and has a cowboy theme going on. Theoretically speaking, Mirage would definitely be my ex’s type in another timeline.

2) I have a history of best friends trying to pry me away from my love interests or stealing away my love interests. If I had a self insert in Overwatch, they’d definitely be best friends with my ex’s crush.

3) My fictional crush on Bloodhound has helped me build more confidence and self-esteem, which is also something my psychiatrist has noticed. I stood up more for myself, I imagined Bloodhound telling me that I am strong, that I can’t be bogged down. And it’s okay to be bogged down sometimes, because at least I tried to fight on my own terms.

4) Seeing people put the two of them in sexual situations together makes me anxious and miserable. I’m uncomfortable with people sexualizing a nonbinary character in the main tags, and I had to block someone who’s been doing that.

After all that, I still feel bad that I may be alienating myself from potential friends from a fandom that’s already small to begin with, and that I’m just being an irrational pissbaby.

If you’ve read all of that and made it here so far, thank you for putting up with me, and I’m sorry.

#stuff jun says #well we didnt have to unpack all of that #fuck #long post