#sometimes i feel like my feelings towards him are shallow and i don't actually like him for him and then he says shit like that and | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mrsjavierp · 1 month

Text

Where you belong?

Chapter 10 - Morally Grey

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, age gap, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, drug dealing - Narcos Universe, bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN. No physical description of the reader, only clothes (sometimes). The POVs are shifting between reader (first person and Narrator in 3rd person)

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 5,4k (i don't know wtf happened)

A/N: First, thank you so much for the new followers! Welcome to our community of Horny for Javier Peña lol Babes, I'm still horny for him and if love this man is a crime, arrest me! Let's start the ANGST because I need them to start to suffer a little... It's all going all too well...

Second, I had to repost it 'cause this plataform well... we all know.

Dividers: @saradika-graphics

Narrator's POV:

It all started when you had a fight with Crosby, since he wanted something he couldn't yet: Escobar's head on a plate, but it would take time.

Carrillo was no piece of cake either, sometimes hiding things from you, sometimes doing… Questionable things.

You’ve both had a terrible day, worse than others… But always knew where to find comfort: each other.

He came, fucked you until you saw stars and you shared dinner.

It became a routine.

Weeks flew by with hidden dates, excellent sex, intimacy.

This domesticity felt so good for both of you, it was almost like a dream, a distant reality from all.

You felt safe. Javier was radiant.

Actually, you both felt safe, happy, living in a bubble. No matter in which apartment, his or yours, that bubble isolated you from your traumas, your job, the drug war.

Javier was in the clouds, he never thought he could be happy with someone. He never thought you, although younger and fisty, could be so loving towards him… He always envied Steve for his relationship with Connie, but he could see you being that person: his person. His feelings grew by second. Even though you didn't want kids anymore, he could see you being a better stepmom than Lorraine was a mom.

As a wife, Lorraine wasn't exactly terrible, but she was no good either. Their relationship was casual, some booty calls. Sometimes, not even a proper date. Not even friends with benefits. After they got married, he never felt accepted, understood… Not even loved, if Javier was being honest to himself.

When he decided to get married to Lorraine, he felt like he was going to carry out a sentence - life sentence, and it had nothing to do with Lucas. Lorraine was a shallow person, didn't care for nothing other than herself and what people thought about her. It was always about what would appear, what would people think, what they would say… Her family was no better: her parents had a little money, so they thought they owned Laredo and could own people. Furthermore, they considered themselves “true Americans”, different from Javier and his family.

Javier was known as “Laredo's legs spreader” and Lorraine “tamed him” or “saved him”.

Her family loved the second one, by the way.

Javier also tried not to get married. He promised he was going to take care of his kid and Lorraine, but she cried and begged to get married. He felt sorry for her and how was he going to marry someone for being sorry? Her family, on the other hand, threatened him: if he didn't marry Lorraine, he would never see his son. Never.

So he did it.

He wishes he never did.

But now, things are a little different: he had someone he could see himself with, one day. You were everything and a little more than he asked for… You were intelligent, beautiful, funny, you weren't judgemental or selfish. You made him almost forget about his personal war in Laredo, he almost forgot about Lorraine.

Almost.

But he had to tell you the truth, but a shorter version. Or make up one that told you enough without jeopardizing the relationship you were just starting off. It was already so hard to break your initial walls, Javier couldn’t risk anything anymore…

He knew the best way to tell a lie was to tell a few half-truths and break it down easily.

And pray you'd never find out about it the rest…

This night was just another night at his apartment. He lured Steve not to show up by surprise, so you could have some privacy.

You were telling about the first night you dared to use your vibrator, but forgot to lock the door.

“No way!” - Javier said to you, shocked.

“Well, let’s just say mi mama never barged into my room again, ever.” - you responded, laughing.

It was just so… So serene.

“Your mama must have been so shocked, what did she do at the time?”

“Well, she pretended nothing happened and we only talked about a few years later, on a family reunion, we were so drunk. It was a Navidad (Christimas), I guess… Anyway, sex wasn’t exactly a taboo in my family, curiously.”

“How so?” - Javier asked, interested. He bites a piece of his chinese spring roll, waiting for you.

“Well, despite all of the fuzz around ‘sex’, my family conducted things a little differently. My parents always taught me, my sister and my older brother to take accountability for our actions. They never treated us 3 differently because of our gender. So, when we started doing it, we actually had an open conversation about condoms, birth control… This kind of thing. It increased our trust in each other, parents and children. It worked so well for all the 28 years of my life. We are really close and always can count on each other. My older brother is 35 and my younger sister is turning 24 this year… I’m rambling, sorry.” - you savored your beer, shutting yourself down.

“I love to hear about your family, cariño. It seems to be an important part of who you are. Tell me more about your siblings, what do they do? How about your parents?”

“Oh, no, Javi! You first!�� - you laughed. - “We’re going on quid pro quo here… Tell me about your family, come on!” - you ask.

“God, you’re a tough cookie!” - he laughed. - “Okay, I’ll give you something… Let me see…” - Javier started to think about what he could actually tell you, with no risks, so he stayed safe: teenage years and college. - “Well, mi mama, as you know, is not alive anymore, but she lived to see me do good things, such as graduate in high school, which, by the way, she was one of the teachers at the school…” - He took a sip from his beer. - “She was an amazing mom and incredible teacher, but Díos Mio, I couldn’t step outside the line or have a girlfriend. Mi papa is a wonderful dad as well. He was the stability to my mom’s… I don’t know how to name it, she was fast, agitated, full of life and dreams. My dad provided the balance to make her dreams turn into reality.”

“Oh, that’s so good. My dad and mom are just like it as well… So, what do you wanna know now?”

“Go on about your parents and your siblings, cariño, please. What do they do?”

“Well, my dad is a public server and my mom is in finance, working at a small company. My sister is in Med School and my brother is an Assistant District Attorney… Wait, we’re at your apartment and I haven’t seen any photos… Do you have any?”

“Cariño…” - He started and you knew he had, from just hearing that tone, but probably were hidden. - “Why bother to see?”

Javier was worried to show since there were some of Lucas’ pictures among them.

None of Lorraine, of course… He burned them all and only kept letters that talked about Lucas, in one separated box.

“Come on! Por favor, Javi…” (Please, Javi…)

“Oh no, cariño, we’re going on quid pro quo here…” - he smiled. - “You set the rules yourself.”

“Fuck, Peña. Sometimes I underestimate you… Okay, fine. What do you want?”

And then he smiled… A fucking naughty smile, like he had he upper hand.

“I’ll show you my family album… But you gotta do something first for me.” - he said.

“Oh, fuck, you wanna fuck me in the ass, don’t you?” - you joked.

However, his expression demonstrated shock, he even let out a nervous laugh.

Javier didn’t deny it, though.

“Cariño, I…” - The Adam's apple on his throat was throbbing, as he gulped and struggled to find words. - “I do, but to be honest, that wasn’t part of the request… It could be, though.”

“Oh…” - you responded, surprised. - “Please, amuse me!” - your tone was curious.

“I’d like you to wear a blindfold and maybe wear a tie or a handcuff. You can use words to express your limits and we can agree before we get started on what I can or cannot do. We can use your toys, if you’d like…”

You were astonished by Javier’s boldness.

And, of course, aroused by the possibilities that would come by if you decided to take the risk of surrendering to Javier Peña.

Javier Peña, the guy you elected as the sluttiest and most depraved man alive.

Javier Peña, the man who you loved to roll in bed with, since he never was ashamed of his urges or desires with you - and never shamed you nor called you a “slut” for loving sex or masturbating.

In fact, Javier loved that you touched yourself - it wasn’t that common in his or your past relationships or experiences in different ways.

He frequently used it in his favor, by the way.

“We could use safe words, like ‘yellow’ if you’re almost at your limit and ‘red’ if you want me to stop.” - he continued. - “You could tell me if you’d like me to use some or any of your toys…”

“Oh, you want to use tools, Javi?” - you teased him.

He smiled at you, the same sly smile.

“Oh, you can tell me which one I can use, but it won’t mean I’ll actually use… So, what do you think? Any more you’d like to add?”

“Well, I liked the idea of using safe words, seems wise, since I won’t be able to see or maybe move. About my toys… You can use the wand, I know you love it almost as much as me. I’ll throw you a bone and let you use my plug, but putting it inside of me… I know I never let you do it. But be reasonable, Peña.”

“So, you’re picking it up now or we’re going to your place across the hallway?” - he provoked you.

“Oh, I’m picking it up… I’m guaranteeing you’re gonna do your part of the deal, Peña.”

You got up and went to your apartment as fast as you could.

You were naked and blindfolded.

Your hands were tied behind you, firmly but not hurtful.

You were on your knees, on top of Javier’s bed, your legs were slightly open, so Javier’s head could accommodate between them.

His head, by the way, was, indeed, between your legs, torturing you by kissing and licking your pussy.

You were hesitant in sitting on his face, you didn't want to suffocate Javier.

You could feel his mustache tingling you, sending shivers down your spine, his hands grabbing you ass, opening you, leaving his fingertips all over it, teasing you open, his tongue avoiding your clitoris, fucking you.

And, since you couldn’t see anything, it felt even more intense.

He made you come so good your legs couldn’t hold and you fell on the bed, next to him.

Javier then started the next thing he planned:

“Cariño, lay with your ass up and your beautiful face down.” - You obeyed, while he got up. You only felt his height leaving the mattress. - “Good girl… Now, relax.”

One of Javier’s hands opened you and the other caressed your holes, admiring how beautiful you look like that, at his mercy.

“Díos Mio, cariño… Tell me how you can look so goddamn beautiful?”

You moan at his praise.

He wasted no time and began to prepare your ass with some lube, playing on its entrance. Then, you felt something cold and metallic starting to enter you and made you jump.

“Relax, cariño, it’s just your plug.” - you tried to relax, taking long and deep breaths as Javier put it on you, slowly, letting you get used to it. - “You’re doing really well, babygirl. I’m almost done…” - until you felt it inside you, completely.

“Fuck, Javier…” - You gasped, while clenching around it and, your pussy, throbbing.

His hands continued to spread you open, deciding on what to do next.

Your mind was racing, not being able to think clearly, only feeling every cell on your skin burn.

Burning under Javier’s touch.

Javier slowly entered your pussy, savoring how your walls were even more tight than usual. He held your hips in place, to avoid any tentative escape, even if it was unconscious.

Javier fucked you slowly, at first, letting you get used to his length, as usual, and preventing him of come early than he wanted.

Javier mumbled both in English and Spanish a bunch of dirty words, while you moan his name, which time, louder.

You could feel how his body was just as sweet as yours, just as hot. His hands seemed to be everywhere.

“Ja-javi, oh fuck, I'm so close.” - you plea, needy.

“Let it go, cariño, let me feel you squeezing me…” - He allowed you.

You came so hard on him.

And, of course, Javier couldn’t hold back any longer and came inside you just after. Catching his breath, he pulled his dick out, untied you and held you against him, while you both laid there.

You were astonished by how good of a lover Javier was to you.

He took off your blindfold and held your face between his hands, looking deeply in your eyes. His look was so intense, you felt it in your gut, making your folds pulsating and your plug almost vibrate.

“Javi, you're making me blush…” - you confided.

He smiled.

“You're so gorgeous, I can't believe we're here.”

Minutes later, after a shower you and Javier put back the bare minimum of clothes to walk round Javier’s apartment and you both sit down on his living room floor, next to a bookcase, with a file box and lots of pictures of him, his parents, his parents’ ranch…

“So, this is you on top of a cow? Why?” - you laughed. - “That's so cute: Javier Peña, a farm boy!”

He rolled his eyes.

“Come on, stop messing with me! Here's another one: mama y papa at their wedding.” - he showed another picture. He was a perfect mix of his dad and mom.

“Hey, you never told me you have a brother, Javi…” - you said, picking up a photo of Lucas, his son.

Javier tensed up, nervous.

“Cariño, there's something you should know…” - he started, in an incriminating tone, as if has hiding something, but got caught.

You swallow hard.

“I have a son, back in the US.”

“Peña… What the fuck? Why did you keep it from me?” - you're started to lose your mind.

Javier took a deep breath and began to confide me:

“When we decided to get to know each other better, I didn't think at the time that we would be this close, this fast. You told me I could get a little bit comfortable before opening up, and I intended to tell you in a moment we talked about family, my family, like today. I'm sorry it took a while, but now you know…”

“Okay, that's on me. Fair enough.” - you responded in a cold way. He played by the rules, he didn't lie… However, you couldn't help but feel a little… Deceived. - “Tell me about him, what's his name? Who's he with?”

“His name is Lucas, he's three and loves cowboys and wants to be one like his abuelo Chucho, my dad.” - he contemplated. - “He's with his mother, back in Laredo.”

You nodded, absorbing all the information.

You were nervous and feeling something else, you just couldn't name it yet. Your gut was telling you something was off, but you only thought you were anxious.

Nonetheless, it wasn't bad Javier already had a toddler, took the pressure off of you, at least…

“Lucas is such a beautiful boy, Javi…” - your fingers passed through his eyes, nose, cheeks on the paper. It wasn't familiar to you, but Lucas could look like his mother's family a bit more than Javi's, you supposed.

“I'm sorry I waited so long.” - he stated. - “But yeah, he is. Hope to see him sometime soon.”

“You know you can get a legal absence, right? Steve already took it.”

“I know, cariño. I'll do it soon.”

“Well, I should get going… Gotta get early at the office tomorrow.”

“Cariño, we've been sleeping together and getting there on time everyday…” - he questioned. - “Your place is just across the hall, there's no need for it…”

You changed your outfit back to your dress you wore hours later and picked up your purse and bag.

“I'm serious, I've got an important meeting earlier than usual, don't worry. Good night, Peña.” - you pecked his lips and left his place.

Javier couldn't believe what just had happened.

He put the photos back where they belonged, leaving just the one with Lucas out.

He sat down on his sofa, that now smelled like your perfume, lit up his cigarette, mumbling possibilities on what to do.

“Hey, Peña, Y/LN wants to see you at her office.” - Steve said, as he arrived at his table. - “Did you fucked something up? ‘Cause she doesn't look happy…”

Javier sighted.

“I sure did…” - Javier whispered to himself and Steve pretended not to hear. He went to your office, worried. He didn't know what to expect.

“Steve said you called me, jefe.”

“I did, Peña. Lock the door and close the blinds, please.” - and as he did, you got up and sat on your desk, facing him.

You offer him your hand, to pull him closer, with a sweet smile on your face.

Javier crosses his arms more firmly and looks away from you, avoiding your eye contact and touching your hand.

His whole body aches for yours, as always, but he held back the urge.

He's afraid you might break up with him.

“Y/N, why am I here?” - he asks, a bit rude.

You got up and held his face in your hands, looking at him like he did to you last night.

“Don't play hard balls to me, Javi… It’s okay.” - your tone is sweet and loving towards him and he relaxes.

“Cariño, I missed sleeping next to you yesterday.” - he smiled, but it soon faded, as he saw an expensive and gorgeous set of orchids on your desk. - “Who sent these to you?" - he questioned, focusing solely on the flowers now.

You look at him, confused.

“What do you mean? It wasn't you?”

Javier shook his head without looking up from the flowers. The sight of them made him uncomfortable and he couldn't help feeling annoyed at the mystery that's been presented in front of him. He crossed his arms and glanced back at them, then back at you.

"I didn't send them…” - he murmured.

“Since the card wasn't signed, I thought it could only be you… Look.” - And you show him the card.

“I've missed you, can't wait to see you in my hands again”

Javier’s eyes shift down to the card as he studies it, looking for some kind of clue about who the sender could be. He sighed quietly and ran his fingers over the edge of the card before looking back at you.

He crossed his arms more firmly, still looking annoyed.

“So you don’t know who sent it?” - his tone seemed accusatory.

"Javier, we’ve been seeing each other for the last 2 months, who else would do it?"

Javier’s eyes narrowed as he took a deep breath and tried to keep calm.

He knows you’re right, but that doesn’t stop the jealousy that started to pass through his veins.

“You don’t have any other guys that might have sent them?” - he inquired again, impatiently.

"You know I haven't seen anyone besides you, Peña.” - You seemed firm to him in your declaration.

Javier’s face stiffened at the mention of your ex as he rubbed his fingers through his hair, nervous. He knows about the whole story, but not by you, you haven’t told him…

Yet.

You only told him that time, when you were drunk.

Javier didn’t care about your ex or any other guy.

You were his.

“Right…” - he mutters, trying to avoid showing too much emotion.

“Are you jealous, baby?” - provoked him with a playful tone.

Javier raised an eyebrow at you as his silence lingered. He let out a deep breath through his nose, trying to hide his annoyance as he thought about everything that’s happened between you both in the past few months.

The jealousy he’s feeling eats at him from the inside out, but he tries to ignore it.

“Jealous? No…” - he said, scoffing a little. “More like annoyed.”

"Why?" - You look at him, still confused.

Javier sighed, crossing his arms tightly as the frustration grows in his voice:

“Why does anyone have flowers sent to them?” - he prompts you. - “Because they’re interested. Because they like you.” - His lips curl into a sarcastic smile. - "Am I supposed to be thrilled about it?"

You rolled your eyes, angry.

"I didn't say you should be thrilled! It's not my fault a random person sent me flowers!"

“A random person?” - Javier mocked, his eyes narrowing even more as he studies your face. He can’t help feeling more irritated as he realizes that you legitimately have no idea who sent them. - "Then who do you think sent them? Did they magically appear out of thin air?"

“I'm not liking your tone, Javier…” - you alerted him.

Javier’s expression stiffened, his eyes met yours, anger sparking in their depths as he stared at you.

"Then maybe you should tell me who sent them. You run this fucking office, you can manipulate a president and an ambassador into do whatever you want, ain’t hard, is it?" - he continued to mock you.

You can see the cop in him, interrogating a suspect, playing with words, cenarios, asking the same things in different ways…

But you’re not one.

“Javier, I’m gonna pretend you didn’t call me a manipulative bitch and just answer that I already told you I don't fucking know!” - you shouted at him, in a harsh tone.

Javier’s face tightened with rage at your voice. His temper had reached its tipping point and he was barely holding it together anymore. He narrowed his eyes at you and the tension in the air heats up, the smell of the flowers only making the situation worse.

"Give me a fucking name!" - he yelled.

“Javier, I’m really fucking tired of your accusation. Since I was wrong to assume the man I’m dating sent me these gorgeous flowers, which, by the way, orchids are, indeed, my favorite, thanks for asking, I’m gonna find out who did it.” - You pick up the phone, call the flower shop on the card and put on the speaker.

The clerk picked up and greeted you as she waited for you to give your name.

Javier crosses his arms tightly as he waits for the conversation to unfold, his eyes never leaving your face.

You asked the clerk about who sent the delivery to your address and she checked the order for you, looking up the information about the delivery: she pulled up the details and spoke softly into the phone:

“It says here that a man had sent the delivery for you… No name, though.”

“Miss, he paid with cash or card?”

The clerk paused for a moment to check the bank information attached to the order. She speaks back into the phone.

“It seems like he paid using a card for this delivery.”

“Miss, I’m an American police officer here in Colombia, I need the info ASAP.”

The clerk seemed panicked by the request provided the details of the card used and you wrote it down and thanked the clerk.

She hung up the call and you were left with the details of the unknown man who sent the flowers.

You took a deep breath, feeling the tension spreading through your body, as you started to focus on the important parts of the transaction. Your mind wandered back to the man who sent them to you, trying to recall all the men that you’ve investigated recently, and coming up blank.

You put the info on your computer and a name popped out:

Benedict John Smith.

It’s fucking Ben, your ex.

The fucking orchids were sent from your Ben, but why?

Your chest hurt as you watched the information flash on the screen in front of you. It’s the final piece of the puzzle that confirms your fears.

“Oh, that probably means he’s out… Oh no, no, no!” - you thought, but tried not to show it to Javier.

Your emotions were all over the place as the thought of him fills your head, and the thought of seeing his name on your computer sends a wave of fear crashing through you.

“So?” - Javier questioned you, pulling you back to the present.

“Mi cielo, ahora sabemos…” (My heaven, now we know…) - you said to him with no emotion in your voice, but Javier didn’t understand at first, so you spin the screen around to face it to Javier, showing him the data that confirms the bouquet was sent by your ex-fiance. His reaction is exactly what you hoped for: he looks angry as he stares at the information on the monitor.

While he read the info, you throw the orchids in the trash.

Javier sighs deeply, his gaze shifting back to your face. His expression is full of annoyance and irritation as he stares at you, waiting for you to say something.

He stared at the trash can and rolled his eyes, his mood improving slightly: you had a point.

He turned his gaze back towards you, his eyes lingering on you for a moment before he raises an eyebrow.

“Happy now?” - you ask fast, in a tone that could kill a man.

"Does that look like I'm happy? That idiot almost ruined my whole day with those fucking flowers!" - he yelped.

“Oh, he almost ruined your day?” - your tone is ironic and rude. - "I'm furious with you too, Javier! You accused me!"

Javier's eyes widened at your response and he took a deep breath, trying to keep his cool. He felt like a jackass – he didn't realize his accusing tone would hit you this hard. He thought he was just being logical.

"Yeah, I know. I'm not proud of it." - He leaned forward a little, his hands balling into fists. - "I just..."

“You just what?”

Javier sighed quietly as his body tenses.

"I don’t know… I…"

“You what, Peña?!”

"Cariño…" - His voice seemed calm but a deep something is bubbling under the surface of it. He didn't know how else to describe his feelings.

“Peña, I'm not the one who slept around with half of Medellín!” - you were pushing him to a place you shouldn’t. Your words rang through his ears, sending a jolt of anger straight to his brain. He clenches his jaw and clenches his fist at his side.

"I don't need you to remind me." - he snarled. - "I already know how much of a jackass I used to be."

“Used to be? Well, I guess you still are... Old habits die hard, don’t they, Peña?”

Javier’s expression hardened even more and his grip on his fist tightened. He tries to stay calm but your words hit him like a punch to the gut. He stared at you and grit his teeth, his hate seething internally as he tried to calm himself down.

“I’m not that person anymore.” - He growls, his voice barely audible.

“Let's hope, for my sake, you really aren't.” - your voice was full of fear and something not you or Javier knew what was. Your comment sparked an immediate reaction from Javier.

In a bold move, Javier leans closer to you, holding your face in his hands, nose-to-nose.

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m a different person now.” - his voice is a warm and urgent whisper. - “I’m not gonna hurt you, cariño.”

You closed your eyes and smelled his perfume, relaxing a little. You can practically feel the heat coming off of his body as he leaned into you, his cologne making your eyes feel heavy. You realized how close he is and the feeling sets your skin on fire.

His breath against your neck makes it hard to concentrate on anything but the smell of his scent and how tense the air between you two are.

Javier leans even closer until his lips are brushing against your neck….

“Javi, what are you doing?” - I murmured, melting under him.

His lips lingered on your neck for a moment, before he pulled back just slightly and whimpered back.

"What does it look like I'm trying to do?" - His voice is deep and rough, the heat from his breath sending chills down your spine.

“Distracting me from my anger…” - your voice barely goes out your throat.

The warmth of his breath sends goosebumps all over your body and it's nearly impossible to think straight. The way he's looking at you drives you crazy and you feel your heart beating even faster than before.

He leans in just a little bit more, his lips just barely touching your neck.

"Is it working?" - He kept his voice low and sexy.

“Yeah…”

The sexual tension only grew as your bodies remained close together, the smell of his scent getting stronger and your heart beating a mile a minute. He got even closer again, his lips grazing the skin of your neck. It makes you shudder and all of that anger and tension begins to subside, slowly giving way to something else that was far more pleasurable.

“Javi... Stop teasing me…”

Javier pulls back just slightly, meeting your eyes. You saw the desire in his eyes as he stared at you.

"Why would I stop?" - he asks softly, his lips curling into a smug smile.

“Because I need you, Javi…” - You purr.

"Need me? You sure about that?" - His smile widened as he closed the gap between you two again. His lips were just inches from yours as the heat between you grew hotter and hotter. His lips land right on the corner of yours, just a quick tease before they part again.

“Oh, Javi... Don't be mean…”

Javier’s expression turned into falsely apologetic: he wanted to tease you. He took a deep breath and leaned forward slightly before pausing in front of your lips.

“I just need to know, if I kiss you right now, will that make you stop being mad?” - he teased again.

“Why don't you give it a shot?” - you provoked him.

Javier leaned in and finally brushed his lips against yours, his lips are firm but soft as he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close to him. His kiss is passionate and gentle, his touch warm and comforting. Your bodies moved together, your arms wrapping around each other and your lips pressed against each other for a long time.

The kiss intensified as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer. Your passion is uncontrollable and the feeling of his touch made you shiver.

You feel as though you could lose yourself if he never let you go.

Your fingers explored every inch of his body just like him explored yours, Javier cursed the minute you decided to wear pants that morning.

It isn’t long before your bodies are tangled in each other and the heat between you is so hot it could almost be considered unbearable.

Javi hugged you tight, and whispered: “Don’t worry, cariño. I’m gonna protect you from him.” - he promised.

You slightly push Javi, to look at him.

“Peña, I can take care of myself and I know what Ben is capable of… But are you?”

“Of course I a-am,yo-you told me he was a cheating bastard when you were drunk a-and…” - he responded, but his tone was a bit shaky. - “He-he wants you back!”

“Peña, what are you hiding from me?” - you ask, pissed off, taking a step back now. - “Don’t play the jealousy card anymore! You also saw as a threat!”

“Cariño, por favor…”

“Don’t ‘cariño’ me, Peña! Tell me the truth!” - you screamed. - “You’re not gonna spanish your way out!”

Javier closed his eyes, frowning his forehead.

“I talked to an old pal in NYC about your ex. I know you arrested him for…”

You didn’t want to hear the rest. You stormed out of your office to the archive file, to hide, as you did in the old days in NYC.

Ben was out and knew where you were. You and your family were in danger.

Javier knew about your ex, his cheating and his crimes.

You needed to talk to Javier too.

He wasn’t the only one hiding things.

“What a fucking hypocrate.” - you mocked yourself.

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icon-cloud · 2 months

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Sleep Helps

Sometimes you wake up feeling like shit.

Includes: Sick character, Overall, pretty soft

WC: 946

Waking up, Swiss didn’t feel right. He wasn’t usually someone to stay in bed for long, aside from of course, the fun activities. There were just too many things to do, and too many people to annoy and launch himself dramatically at. Why would he stay in bed and willingly subject himself to boredom when there was something to do?

Today felt different though. His eyes felt dry, a little crusty. It stung a little to open his eyes actually. His skin felt a little more sensitive than usual he supposed. Like it was stretched a little too much.

Sitting up, he took a deep breath and groaned loudly, while rubbing his hand harshly on his face. Slouching forward, he pulled his arms close to his lap before doing a cursory look around his room and decided to take a shower.

Showers usually helped. The steam opened up his nasal passage and rehydrated his eyes significantly. Plus, it always helps to just start the day clean, it felt nice and it was a good way to wake up in his mind.

Stepping out the shower he got dressed relatively quickly and shuffled his way into the kitchen, to the coffee pot.

Rain soon found Swiss glaring at the coffee machine, almost as if it spoke to him, and accused him of being a eunuch. Slowly, he approached before asking softly, “Hey wisp, are you alright? You’re usually up earlier than this… and more coherent.”

Squinting, Swiss turned his gaze towards Rain and replied in a scratchy voice, “The da-” his voice cut off harshly as he turned his face to cough into his elbow. Closing his eyes, Swiss angled his head to the ceiling. Methodically, he took a few shallow breaths to calm his breathing before continuing, “The damned coffee is empty, and my head hurts too much to fix it.”

Rain winced at the multi ghouls voice. What was usually a low timbre, had morphed into a dry hoarse mockery of his usual tone. All around Swiss didn’t look like his usual, bubbly self.

Frowning, he approached Swiss and gently grasped his arm to pull him softly, before saying, “Come on my wisp. You don’t sound too good. So, let's get you laid down and I can bring you something warm.” Looking to Swiss, he tilted his head before giving a shy smile and said, “I don’t think coffee is what you need at the time being anyway.”

Swiss didn’t protest when Rain pulled him closer. Instead, he chose to lean his head onto his current partner’s shoulder when he wrapped his arm around him, allowing the water ghoul to lead them both back to his room.

Opening the door to his room, they shuffled to Rain’s bed. “Alright Smiles, give me a second and you can lay back down. You wanna strip down or have some PJ’s?”

Grumbling he replied hoarsely, “Skin hurts. Don't want anything.” Stiffly, he worked his way out of his short worn outfit of the day until he got to his boxers.

Hunched awkwardly, he smiled gently to himself as he watched rain worry over the state of his bed before he whispered, “The bed is fine the way it is Lilly, lemme get in please.”

Turning to Swiss, he bit his lip softly as he observed the sick ghouls slouched figure. “Alright, yea go on and get comfortable.” Leaning against the bed, he tilted his head while he watched Swiss gingerly climb into the bed. Once he got to the center he flounced forward, sighing in relief.

Gathering the blankets around him, he asked Rain where Aether was, frowning when the other answered displeased. “Aether was called away this morning. Apparently a different location needs a skilled Quint to help train some newly summoned. Aeth is gonna be away for a little bit.”

“Ah well, he’s always lecturing us about how we can’t always rely on him. I suppose it was bound to happen,” was the scratchy reply given by Swiss. Whining he asked in a small voice, “Can you just… I feel real crappy Lils, can you just hold me a little?”

Squinting mirthfully, Rain snorted before saying, “Is that not the exact reason why I shouldn’t get in bed with you at the moment?” Laughing he said, “Move over ya big lump, you’re taking up all the room!”

Swiss gave him an impish grin and said, “Scuse you, I’m sick. I don’t need to move at all. You can make room.” As he said this he playfully turned his head away from Rain with a small grin, only to give a short squeal when the other began shoving him to the side.

Rain grinned down at him, causing small wrinkles to form around his eyes. Haloed by the golden light coming in through the sheer curtains of the room, he appeared to be almost celestial to Swiss.

Unable to help himself, Swiss hooked an arm around the other's neck to gently pull him down. Settled on top of him, Swiss cupped Rain’s cheek, and nuzzled him gently before giving in to kiss Rain.

Closing his eyes, Rain smiled against the other, before turning his head and leaned into Swiss’ neck. Hugging himself against the other’s body, he pulled them both onto their sides and whispered, “Go to sleep Wisp. There’s always the chance you’ll feel better in the afternoon.”

Sighing quietly he replied, “Yea, you’re right. Thanks Rain, love you.”

It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. He couldn’t quite breath right, and his throat hurt, but he knew he was safe. Should anything happen he knew Rain would look after him while he slept.

#the band ghost #nameless ghouls #swiss ghoul #rain ghoul #sickfic #my fics

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otomelavenderhaze · 10 months

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I can't stop thinking about the cave dialogue in which Rayan talks about Chloé, his ex wife, therefore I went back to read whole scene back from University Life episode 8, because what Rayan describes in episode 17 of LL is too diferent from that UL episode and from everything I could remember about it.

It's not to say that I caught some sort of insane discrepancy and AHÁ!

It's more because I find it interesting and I thought maybe others would find it interesting as well. So first I wanna show you what Rayan says in episode 8 of UL (which I never translated before until this post):

In my playthrough of it, back in the day, I asked him directly if he have a wife, which he answers yes first and then the proceeds to talk about it...

"And she will forever be my wife. But the last time we saw each other was seven years ago. Already… seven years… My wife, Chloé, died seven years ago. In a terrorist attack. Some savages came in shooting. No fixed target. In shop windows, in people and even in children."

"There were many wounded, and fortunately few dead. But Chloé is one of those who didn't survive… All that happened seven long years ago. It took me time. At first I didn't want to move. I wanted to keep everything, the smallest memory."

Now why I am showing this 4 panells?

This is important to understand how she died, how sad Rayan showed us to be about her death and his attachment towards Chloé.

He even goes as far to say:

"We met in high school and we got married at 23, in a hurry. We didn't tell anyone. But I'm not going to lie to you and say that everything was all roses."

Candy asks him, how so?

"We often quarreled. We stayed together for a long time, we didn't get to know anyone but each other and, sometimes, we even doubted. But when she left… I was torn apart."

Now we will never know why they used to fight, what made them marry so young and so quickly to the point where he implies they didn't even had a wedding ceremony.

Which makes this difficult to understand what compelled both of them to take such actions - maybe they they were just impulsive, but without a reason behind such impulsivity it's hard to tell if it was warrant or not.

But then, the actual panel that made me do this post in the first place eventually comes up in that same conversation with Candy:

"I loved her with all my soul. Before anything else, she was my best friend. But, sorry… I opened up too much…"

And I believe he did, regardless of anything else, because it makes sense for Rayan's character to marry someone for love.

That's the kind of "person" he is, that's why when he falls for Candy, he's ready to assume so many risks and even later talks about leaving his job for her just so they could have a less tense relationship.

This sets up him to be someone that would intensily love another person and do everything for them - they being Chloé or Candy.

I could say this is actually the point of that whole conversation: to show that he isn't someone that takes love lightly or shallowly, which helps us readers to trust his intentions and to believe that, yes, for love he would indeed be honorable, truth and passionate, instead of a player or a man that just wants to have fun with one of his students.

Not mentioning that he presents himself as a tortured soul that lost a wife tragically and never fell in love ever since, but falls in love for you, the reader, because you're special and irreplaceable, is something very flattering and, even, I dare say, romantic.

Meow meow is sad and you're the only one who can fix that for him.

Personally, I don't like how mcl writes grief, I don't think they know how to dose it without losing their hand, so it comes off as shallow for me, but I guess it serves as another thing: Chloe was loved by Rayan, but Candy needs to be special. The player needs to feel special.

Which brings us to this part of the conversation:

"Every women had something of her own. I saw her everywhere. And yet, it's been seven years. Since then, I have been unable to get involved with another woman, in a new relationship. Even in a simple friendship."

"Until… I met you. I don't know… For the first time, I met someone who has none of her. For the first time, I felt entitled not to think about her."

I understand why in an otome game is important to get the romance right and make the player feel compelled to play the character's route, after all, who wouldn't want to feel special, even if it's only on a game - that's why we have so many MCs or main characters in videogames that are heroes, that cares of others or the place they belong to.

However, I will say, maybe they should've worded it differently, maybe it's not so much about feeling entitled to not think about her, but when I realized, I wasn't searching for her traits on you, I wasn't thinking about her anymore, I was ready to move on. But this is just how I would've done it, just so it would come from Rayan the agency of the "healing" - in another words, he had healed himself before he met Candy and falling in love with her was just another evidence of that.

Which brings us back to episode 17 of Love Life, our Honeymoon episode (and pay attention to the parts that I will mark in blue):

"Y'know, I honestly didn't think I would get over losing her. And then after you got in my classroom and into my life. So, yes, I should have a star up there shining for me. Because, with you, I understood the meaning of true love. And it wasn't the same of what I had with Chloé."

"Sometimes, I think, if the story/timeline was another, if I had met you first before I met her... She and I would've been simply friends, without anything else between us. If fate hadn't been so cruel with her, it would've ended like that anyway, actually. I think she would have been happy to see me so happy these days."

"Just like I would have been in seeing her meeting someone else just as important as you're for me. And when I think of her today, is in this way: as a friend that left too soon. And that, of course, I still get a little with my heart tight. She was someone wonderful/beautiful. There's still some of her in me. But, when I met you, I was like a ghost."

Only Rayan to friendzone the dead.

"Thanks to you and our love, she just became a beautiful star, just like my father..."

At first I thought he was saying that he never really loved Chloé and that Candy made him realize that (How? Don't ask me, he doesn't say how), but thinking about this post and re-reading everything made me rethink my first impression of it.

It's not so much that he didn't loved Chloé, but admittedly, and for reasons that Rayan didn't say, he thought love was something else and he thought he loved her because of that notion, and then his notion of love changed because he met Candy and now he thinks that love is truly what he feels for Candy.

I, as someone that played all of his route, can't really say or even figure out how he would've come up with that reasoning.

Was it because for the first time ever, he had put someone else on his top priority, or at least in a more important position than his reputation and career (which he deeply cares for)? But wasn't he a passionate person to begin with? So isn't it natural for him, once he was sure he fell in love for Candy, to put her as his top priority?

Was it Candy presence alone in his life, simply being there, what made him create that notion? How she taught him that?

I don't know, because the way they fell in love was pretty quick and pretty normal I would dare say - normal not in the sense of, he was her teacher, normal in the sense there was nothing remarkable about their dates, the way they sneak around or in their conversations.

I think if he had realize that falling in love with someone new meant that he had "healed" from his past trauma, that he only had feelings for her because he was ready to have feelings for someone again and the sense of normalcy and easiness he felt in being with her was all he ever wanted after going through so much sadness and heartbreak, then, it would make more sense and sound more realistic, maybe?

But again, they wanted to spin that Candy was special, she needed to be the one that changed him, that was like gravity to him and he could not resist the pull of her.

“... It's just that, with you, I never got under the impression of playing any kind of game. Because I had a lot to lose. Before I met you, I had accepted to never love again. I didn’t want to ever risk lose someone ever again... And, above all, you came to enroll in my course. I looked up and knew that my certainties were worthless...” (episode 14 LL)

That's why I talked about his career before.

They set up Rayan to be someone that loves his work, that cares about his reputation and his career, if not, as he only thing he had since he moved away from his family and was living alone.

Risk it all for Candy was to show that he wasn't playing, he wasn't just trying to get a kick out of it.

And knowing how he got after when Marina actually got him fired, how much of a mess it made him, this put things even more in context, it shows that truly, risk it all for her was no joke, even thou, they used to be pretty reckless about it (never gonna forget their first kiss, crazy, both of them).

Which brings me to one of my favorite parts of dialogue in Rayan's route, episode 15 LL, the marriage proposal dialogue:

"It’s funny... for a long time I thought that love was like a burning fire. And I even thought that, in my case, all that was left was ashes of it. Until I met you and I understood that I didn’t know anything. That I have got it wrong in my whole life. With you, I understood that love is like a stream/flow. A wave that breaks again and again without stopping. And that drags everything wherever it goes. You imposed yourself on me like an evidence. In the calm. I knew it right away. But I only understood it this well later on."

Think that love was like a burning fire: it lights up, it shines bright, it consumes itself, then it becomes ashes and there's nothing left of it.

Ouch, Rayan. 😢

Not to mention the destructive nature of fire, but I don't think Rayan or the person who wrote this scene thought it like that necessarily, I think it had more to do with how fragile and how it consume itself, which feels more how like I would expect from how Rayan described his relationship with Chloé before: intense, too quick to think everything through, the fighting, the feeling that it wouldn't last anyway.

Meanwhile Candy is like a strong wave or a strong stream, his love for her dragged everything with it: all his reasoning, his principles and scruples, the risk of losing his reputation, his career, AND breaking again and again, because it didn't matter if he had build any walls to keep her out in the begining, she somehow brought it all down.

Two kinds of love, one feeling less truth and lasting than the other.

While it would've better, in his head, to have remain just a friendship with Chloé, with Candy, there was no way for it to have ended just in friendship, it would always be more.

You can see the contrast between his feelings for Chloé and his feelings for Candy, how it was different and the key word should always be different.

It surprised me to see him talking about their wedding too, Rayan and Chloé married young and in a hurry (we will never know why), meanwhile, Rayan found Candy in a stage of his life when love wasn't even in the table and when it finally came back to the table, Rayan wanted everything, he wanted celebrate it having a proper wedding ceremony and all.

But those are little subtle things that they left out in the air, instead of saying it so clearly like they did so many times before.

Personally, I don't think would've make any sense for Rayan's character to haven't love Chloé, considering they built a life together before he even met Candy, the same way, I don't think we could've ever thought that Rayan loved Chloé more or even the same way he loved Candy.

Cuz, Chloé and Candy not only met him in different moments of his life BUT ALSO, they totally two different women, it would go without saying it.

But I guess, they wanted to make it even more screaming that it was the case, which I can understand why.

I mean, people thought that Rayan had really tried something with Marina, outside of his route: which for those people I always told it would be impossible.

It would go against what they presented to us about him during that first dialogue in episode 8 of UL and it would represent a contradiction in the writing itself. It would bend the rules that they set themselves to follow too grotesquely. Not to mention, MCL never gave other love interests to the Lis that stayed on the side lines.

Unless, of course, they had set things up that we would understand that Marina was such a special existence is moving like Candy - which, okay, I could've accepted it, but they didn't so. That's why I was so sure of it.

Y'know, have to read so much back in his route to make this post made saying goodbye to his route so hurtful but also so fulfilling, I always loved how they wrote him, despite having my criticisms, I am happy that I got to experience Rayan's route from the start to end.

If you haven't played his route like ever, I totally I encourage you to do it now that we got it all. xD

#my candy love #amour sucre #amor doce #corazon de melon #my candy love university life #my candy love love life #mclul #mcl #mclll #Rayan #May #personal #big post #screenshots #screenshot

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merp-blerp · 4 months

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So I haven't seen Disney's Wish myself (I'm waiting for it to assumedly go to Disney+, theaters are a lot of money to spend too often), so I can't speak on the film from my own point of view yet, but I have seen the reaction to it so far and I wanted to share my thoughts on why I think some of these reactions are happening, based on my own experience of watching and listening to the Disney fandom's critiques over the many years I've done so. These are just my observations based on my experiences and it's okay to disagree, just be cordial.

Opinions below the cut ↓

I feel like a part of why Wish is the way it allegedly is has to do with something that has been plaguing Disney for a while: trying to prove bad-faith criticisms wrong instead of knowing their strengths.

I'm sure they still happen, but especially in the early and mid-2010s Disney had a lot of half-baked criticisms directed at their stories and characters. Wish might be another one of many attempts to quell these critiques. For example, I remember a common piece of writing advice would be to make villains complex all the time, with villains who are evil for evil's sake being seen as less well done (this was towards media in general, but it applied to Disney too), so Disney began the surprise villain and/or the sympathetic villain trend in their films. Now people have seen that shtick so much they want traditional villains back (me too). It's now overdone and no longer shocking or subversive in their movies anymore. [And as a little add-on, I understand why people want King Magnifico's design to be more "traditionally villainous" but I'm actually happy he isn't, as it's really hard to design a villain like that without perpetuating some kind of bigoted stereotype that a lot of traditional villains have. Even Mother Gothel, one of the last, if not the last of the classic villains Disney has attempted, had a lot of antisemitism baked into not only her design but also her actions. Disney's done that a lot, which is likely accidental, but still bad. I'd much prefer him to look and act like some guy over an awful Jewish stereotype or something similar.] People also called princesses with the temperaments of, say, Aurora, Belle, or Cinderella "boring", or hell, "sexist" in their characterization, so the heroines were made more relatably quirky, as that type of humor towards/by girls and women were very popular in the 2010s. Asha is allegedly somehow both socially inept and socially competent, which arguably isn't a flaw at all, just contradictory. (My neuro-spicy brain wants to somewhat lean towards neurodivergence when I hear that, but I haven't seen the film, so what do I know?) Now people are souring to that too, understandably, as that humor's kind of dated and overdone with Disney's heroines. These traits aren't bad on girls automatically, especially if they make sense for the environment they grew up in like Anna or Rapunzel, but they've just been done to death with Disney. Ironically, now when I see people suggest alternative traits for Asha they propose a more "sophisticated", "mature", or "self-assured" type of personality, aka, what the "sexist" traditional heroines had a lot of the time.

The newer tropes Disney tried to do in place of their old ones don't have as much staying power as the old. Once they're done so much they get stale. If they're based on trends in media rather than being actually captivating in writing, they become timely. People can digest characters like Cinderella, who are interesting and aren't overly worried about upholding trends in their characterization, for centuries whether they realize it or not. But characters like what Asha is allegedly like are based on trendy, shallow politics that aren't as deep as they sound, maybe sometimes even circling right back into the bigotry it was trying to combat (like the girl-boss stuff), and become overdone and/or dated if they aren't done well or in a new way. I feel like because of the poorly made assessments that people used to make towards Disney, Disney is almost embarrassed by their past films when they really shouldn't be. This is why the recent remakes tend to over-correct the originals. In the original Beauty and the Beast, it was not a flaw that Adam was eleven when he was made to look like a beast in my opinion, it just made it more interesting, but some reviews saw it as a bad thing, so they changed the line in "Be Our Guest" that implied his age. It was seen as a flaw that the original Cinderella didn't have a clear reason to stay with her abusive family, even though that's how familial abuse works often and it's really rude to victims to ask "Why don't you just leave?" or something like that; so Disney gave Ella the explanation that she stays because it was her father's home in the 2015 remake, which only added more flaws when you remember that she does leave the house in the end anyway. What was the point in saying that? People wanted strong female characters, so Mulan in her remake is a flawless, emotionless girl-boss. It was seen as sexist when female characters wanted romantic love because "girls don't need a man, so romance is sexist", so Disney stopped telling love stories and focused more on issues of the self, which isn't bad, but now people want Disney to tell love stories again and are disappointed that Asha didn't have a romance with the mostly cut "Star-Boy" character in Wish (again, me too, I love Disney's love stories). All of these are overcorrections to things that were never flaws to begin with, just nit-picks from bad observations of their films. There are too many examples. It's like Disney is insecure.

If Disney understood that these things weren't bad in essence, Wish would be more liked by its critics; if Disney wasn't afraid to let their female characters have actual flaws, not see romantic love as something dated, not continue to listen to these types of shitty judgments, or just take more risks again because that's what shaped the company—taking risks against the odds, Wish would be better (I assume all of the former based on what I've heard, again I haven't seen Wish myself). The pseudo-feminism and CinemaSins type of critiquing from the 2010s has mostly died out. The culture's changed. The tropes people once condemned are now being begged to be brought back. What goes around comes back around. It showcases what was truly timeless and what was just a trend in media.

In my opinion, old bad-faith "fan" responses are partially to blame for these themes in recent films, but of course, Disney is ultimately at fault because they make their own choices. There could also be plenty of other reasons why Wish feels half-done to some, like the alleged poor treatment of employees behind the scenes.

By the way, if you were a Disney fan who had these types of opinions in the past, you shouldn't be hard on yourself about it, especially if you were just a kid listening to and trying to appeal to the adults that were around you or influenced you. The latter is the boat I was in once, and now I've grown up past that. Needlessly cynical film takes and pseudo-feminism were all the rage for a while and many have had that phase of being really into those mindsets. You're not bad if you've been in it at any time in the past as long as you are learning and growing.

I'm choosing to be optimistic about Disney. Somehow I still am. They have been in a creative rut for what seems like a while now. Disney-creative doesn't seem to be allowed to tell the stories they want to tell, instead being made to cater to the wrong people. The people who like to insult Disney more than they like watching their films. They should make movies for the fans of all ages who love them. But I believe Disney can bounce back from this. Disney has been through rough patches before, but these rough patches in the past have led to eras like the Disney Renaissance. I'm hoping the backlash from Wish will lead to Disney making changes once more. They've done that repeatedly in their complex 100 years of establishment. Gone are the times when the Disney remakes were panned by fans but still made tons of money that justified their continued production. And long gone are the days when fans were actually excited about the prospects of Disney recreating their movies (because yes people felt that way once upon a time). Now the remakes aren't making as much as Disney wants and sometimes even flopping. Gone are the days when their animated films were their critical lifeline, Wish proves that they are not immune to being received poorly. It's time for something new. Or old done new. Just something different. It would be one thing if this were just another bad movie, but this was their 100th-year celebration, you think they'd be more careful to not muck it up. But apparently, all it did was reflect all the flaws that have been in Disney's storytelling as of late. That's why the backlash is so great. It feels like the last straw. Once time goes on past the 100th-anniversary era, I think the hate for Wish will die down, but that wouldn't make it less potentially flawed. When I first caught wind of this film, way before we had a trailer even, I was very excited that it seemed like a return to form for Disney, but apparently, it might not be, and that's got a lot of people disappointed, especially since this movie was meant to be a celebration. I've loved Disney for as long as I can remember and I know a lot of people are the same way. People wouldn't be so disappointed in the state of the company if they didn't care deeply about Disney and believed that they could do better. I still think Disney could be great. I still believe in them. They just need to believe in themselves again.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading! ♥

#disney #wish #disney's wish #wish 2023 #disney discourse #fandom discourse #discourse #disney essay #disney essays #essay #essays

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etoilesombre · 17 days

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im intrigued by "swimming" !!

For the WIP ask game (swimming also requested by @b1uetrees) ty for the asks y'all. this has actually been in my drafts forevvvvvvver so I'm copying this from the LAST time it got requested in an ask game. Honestly I should just post what I have, because mostly all that is left to write is the sex and believe it or not I'm kinda burned out on that. Anyway, this is most of a draft.

This was something i started for an event a couple years ago but ended up doing a different prompt, and never picked this back up. but the prompt was basically 'swimming lessons for Silver to learn to swim again after he loses his leg, with either Flint, Madi or both.' i went ot3

[context: basically they are all drinking and hanging out in maroon village one night during s3-4 break, and silver makes a self-deprecating comment about not being able to swim and flint is like 'that's silly of course you can, we'll try it sometime' and tipsy imperious queen madi goes 'why not now?' and takes them night swimming] [madi and flint are already doing better with each other, don't ask questions this is happy verse]

The trail is short, only a few hundred yards to a place at the top of the lagoon on which the settlement sits, where it is fed by a waterfall so that fresh waters meet the incoming tide. They are well out of sight of the camp, though the glow of the great bonfire is visible over the trees, and the distant, exuberant sounds of Maroon drums and pirate fiddles are still audible. It feels like the entire settlement is Madi’s home, and she has taken them from a grand party into a quiet, private chamber.

Cliffs rise up to form the back of their little cove, the sound of the water spilling over the precipice musical as it tumbles over rocks and down into the calm lagoon, like the sound of the warm summer rains that fall here. But the mossy bank onto which they emerge slopes gently down toward the water. Clusters of night blooming flowers perfume the air.

“This is a good place,” Madi says, stopping. “Shallow here, and by the rocks, but it’s deep enough to swim properly nearer the cliffs.”

Flint has come this far, but now he feels flustered, awkward as a school boy. He’s not going to go *swimming* with Silver and the Princess, it's a stupid idea. Why did he come?

Although the water does look appealing. In truth he loves to swim: the solitary rhythm of it, the power of the sea, exhausting himself until returning to the ship is a challenge that demands everything of him and leaves no room for thought.

But this is different.

Silver looks between them expectantly. Flint thinks he doesn’t feel quite comfortable with this, either, but clearly he would follow Madi to the ends of the earth, so he awaits her signal.

She kisses Silver on the cheek, takes a drink, and hands him the wineskin. Then she undoes her belt and pulls her shirt out of the loose, flowing trousers she wears, and Flint doesn’t know what he thought was going to happen---he’d been trying desperately not to think of this part---but he didn’t truly expect that she would calmly undress in front of them both.

“Now, wait a minute…”

“Don’t worry, Captain, your precious British modesty is not in danger.” She’s teasing, but he wonders if she knows him enough yet to realize the depth of the challenge there, and suspects she might. “When it is your turn to undress, I shall avert my eyes until you are in the water.”

Silver, goddamn him, is *giggling.* Certainly he doesn’t seem protective of Madi, which stings a bit. Flint isn’t sure he wants to be quite *that* unthreatening, though he does value the implicit trust.

“This… is not what I was expecting from the evening,” Silver breathes, appreciative, as Madi’s garments fall away one by one, then seems to remember that he probably shouldn’t be watching so blatantly. He helps himself to a healthy swallow of the wine and hands it to Flint, who takes an even longer pull because fuck, he needs it.

“Nor I. She’s not an easy woman to refuse, is she?”

“I can hear you, you know,” Madi says cheerfully, stepping out of the rest of her clothing. She is turned mostly toward the water, revealing the graceful curve of her back and hip, and she casts a look back over her shoulder directly at Flint. “What I am about to do, do not attempt it. I know where it is safe. I will meet you.”

Flint watches in disbelief as she saunters off to the cliff face and begins to climb lithely up. He has an urge to shout at her to stop; doesn’t she know that drinking and climbing waterfalls is a good way to get killed? He’s lost men to this kind of stupidity and she doesn’t need to show off.

Hell, when had he become a clucking mother hen? He forces a deep breath and watches the bunch and pull of her muscles, much stronger than he’d realized, appreciates the economy with which she moves.

“Goddamn,” breathes Silver next to him, face full of awe, and of course it isn’t Flint she’s trying to impress. She stands poised at the top of the cliff for a long moment, then, without warning, she dives. They both gasp. It’s not really that high, perhaps twenty feet, but for an instant she is perfectly suspended in the air and she looks like a bird in flight, arms outstretched, silhouetted against the sky. Then she turns her body gracefully in the air, brings her hands together above her and slips head first into the water with barely a splash.

There is a moment of absolute stillness. Then she breaks the surface, laughing. “Come on then!” she calls. Silver moves first, removing clothing without further hesitation, and Flint sees no choice but to do the same. They don’t look at each other. At least, he very studiously does not look at Silver, and it's only from a corner of his eye that he sees Silver strip completely, as Madi did. He’d thought they could at least keep the dignity of their undergarments, but Silver is giddy and unthinking, naturally eager to be naked with his lover, and Flint refuses to be the prude in this situation, so he lays his clothes aside.

In fact, he is so determined not to look at Silver, not even to *think* of looking at the newly bared expanses of his skin, that it takes him some time to notice that Silver has sunk to the soft bank, all happiness drained from his face. He has removed the peg from his left leg and is staring into the middle distance, coming to terms with his own set of inconvenient realities.

It makes Flint’s heart ache, and without further thought he goes to where Silver sits and offers him a hand, because Silver will sit there all night rather than ask. Flint’s limbs are still loose and heavy with the wine, his thoughts syrupy slow, or else he probably would have hesitated a great deal more before putting his exposed prick at the same level as Silver’s face. As it is, he doesn’t see the tableau they create until it's too late, and then he can’t *stop* seeing it. He is not, thank God, fully hard, but he’s not exactly soft either; this evening has been full of suggestiveness to which he is not immune, and Silver is sitting so close before him, it would be so easy for Flint to bury a hand in his curls and guide his mouth forward… *fuck*.

“Come on, up,” he says gruffly, like he would if they were training and he’s once again knocked Silver on his ass. That snaps Silver out of his reverie; he clasps Flint’s forearm and allows himself to be pulled to his feet, thankfully without looking at him too closely first. He wavers a bit, then throws an arm over Flint’s shoulders and allows himself to be helped out into the placid water.

It truly is a perfect spot, the water barely cool against Flint’s skin, the gradually sloping bottom made of soft white sand, and he tries to focus on the way it yields beneath their steps, on the shine of the moon, the distant rolling of waves from the ocean, on anything other than the weight of Silver’s arm around him, the nearness of him. The way they’re carefully not looking at each other. They’ve lived together for months now, seen each other undressed from time to time, and it hasn’t been a problem. Perhaps Flint has glanced, but he has discipline. And it has been incidental, momentary, nothing like the intimacy of supporting Silver’s weight as they make their way deeper, feeling the tickle of long black hair on his own shoulder, smelling Silver’s scent, the salt of sweat and something sharp and wild beneath it, which he would be able to tell apart from a hundred other men. His pulse quickens.

This is hell.

He is almost able to resist, but when they are thigh deep in the water he forgets himself and steals a glance. Silver’s cock hangs heavy between his legs, also half full. Flint has known Silver is a well-made man, but to see something of the extent of it, of what it would be like to— He swallows hard and quickly looks away. Silver’s attention is, unsurprisingly, focused elsewhere. Flint follows his gaze.

Madi, true to her word, is ignoring them entirely, cavorting under the waterfall like a proper nymph. She stands on a little rock ledge behind the fall, letting it obscure her like a veil, then dives through it into the deep pool before climbing back up. Sometimes she swims to the bottom, as if fetching treasures.

It’s jarring to see her like this. It's true that the Maroons don’t seem to particularly value concealment of the body; it’s perfectly common to see women with their breasts exposed, and in some of the ritual dances, men, heavily painted, appear with their genitals uncovered. Which Flint has paid no mind. It only means that this isn’t necessarily significant; people have their different customs and there’s nothing untoward here, it is only being so shaped by the conditions of his own repressive nation which makes it seem so to him.

Except Madi is not unfamiliar with their customs. She knows exactly the significance of what she is doing. Had they been alone, it would have been either a seduction or a strange play for power. But her lover is here, and Flint can’t figure out what she’s trying to accomplish.

He’s not ready to let himself consider the obvious. He wants it to be true too badly, and doesn’t trust his muddled mind to read the situation correctly.

Maybe she’s merely young and drunk, and wanted to go swimming.

The water is to their waists now, a bit above. He extricates himself from under Silver’s arm, though he still holds on to it, steadying him. Silver looks at him for the first time in what feels like forever, and his wide eyes are so full of tender, fledgling hope. There is no color in the darkness, but he knows the exact shade of blue they’d be, paints it over them in his mind.

“Will it really work?” Silver asks, and he’s never sounded so vulnerable.

“Course it will. It's mostly saltwater, you couldn’t sink if you tried.”

Unbidden, Flint remembers sinking. He’s never told Silver, but he was still conscious when he fell. Conscious enough to know that, shot and beaten as he was, to stand a chance of reaching the surface he would need to struggle out of his heavy boots and coat at least, and then remembers seeing an empty bay where the *Urca* should have been, and realizing he had killed Gates for nothing. Conscious enough to let himself sink instead of fighting. He remembers feeling hands on him, pulling him up before everything went dark.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about. Trust me.” He squeezes Silver’s arm, then lets go.

Silver wavers, manages an awkward hop or two, and then plunges forward. Instinctively he steadies himself with his arms so that although it’s shallow he is half treading water; he founders only for a moment, and then he discovers the trick of propelling himself forward, slicing through the water with his arms and pushing his foot off of the bottom.

In moments he has made his way to deeper water, and when he regains his footing it rises partway up his smooth chest, lapping at him just under where dark nipples are pebbled. He can stand easily now, the water balancing and supporting him. He tests his newfound abilities, moving a few easy, floating steps, and a broad smile spreads across his face. It's like watching the breaking of dawn, or the sun emerging after a long and terrible storm.

“Captain! I--- I can…” Silver dives under the water and surfaces laughing and full of wonder, rediscovering his former grace. He’s only a few paces from Flint, close enough to see that he’s almost vibrating with excitement. “It’s so *easy.*”

There’s a breathless moment between them, a moment when recklessly he imagines Silver will embrace him, but neither of them moves.

“I know,” Flint says softly. “I should have thought of it.” He’s glad for the darkness, hopes it will conceal the tears pricking at the back of his eyes. He aches with all of the things he should have done for Silver, should have considered, should have given him in return for his terrible sacrifice. His eyes cut to Madi, who in the short weeks of their acquaintance has shown Silver more of love and joy than Flint has known in years. She’s lounging on a rock shelf a few feet above the deep pool, watching with an almost proprietary air of approval.

Silver follows his gaze and brightens even further.

Madi dives back in and swims to them without breaking the surface, popping up just in front of Silver.

“Madi!” he cries and picks her up, delighted, and tries to spin with her, but her added weight changes his balance in the water and they topple sideways, splashing under the surface, only to emerge laughing and sputtering. Madi shrieks in feigned reproach and Silver catches her in a firm embrace. It's like watching the play of puppies.

Until it isn’t. Until she takes hold of Silver’s face and stretches up to kiss him, and his hands slide down her back, out of sight under the water. They shimmer in the moonlight, pale against dark, her delicate form pulled flush to his broad, muscled one, a perfect image of lovers from the dawn of time

The kiss deepens, and Flint turns away. He shouldn’t be here, is intruding and doesn’t want to be able to picture what he can’t have. Silver seems to realize it at the same time, breaking away from Madi and speaking to her softly, casting a sidelong look in Flint’s direction. Flint tries to act as though he finds the view of the jungle enthralling.

“I don’t think your Captain objects,” Madi says, her voice pitched to carry. Her eyes find Flint’s and hold them, as if they share a secret. Her words are heavy with implication. “You don’t object, do you Captain?”

Fuck. She knows.

The weight of the realization descends on him, the danger, and he can’t force enough air into his lungs; he’s been trapped into this and will be exposed for exactly what he is because *she knows.* “I--- I don’t know what---” He stammers foolishly.

Silver is just looking back and forth between the two of them, bemused, his hand still resting on the curve of Madi’s spine.

“Answer me,” she says in the affected, imperious tone she has been using to play with him all evening. His frantic mind catches on that, puts information in order. She knows, and what has she done? Skillfully engineered this absurd situation. He meets her eyes again. They’re warm and reassuring, despite her tone, waiting for him to see it.

This isn’t a threat. It's a fucking invitation.

#ask game #my writing #ok for real i think i might post this #because i actually like the beginning bit too #it was just getting way too long

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nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx · 4 months

Text

Helpless Part 17 sorry for not posting yesterday

“So, di Angelo."

"I'm hopeless aren't I?"

"I mean there's still hope, you just need to not mess up.”

“I’m not good at that.”

“Luckily for you there’s motivation.”

“What?”

“You can’t lie until you and Nico kiss."

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!"

"Calm down, what are you hiding anyways Solace."

"When I heal people I feel all their pain, I almost killed myself, I'm useless, I'm hopelessly in love with someone who is halfway to death, I glow in the dark, I'm only alive on necter and ambrosia, I would kill every single Demeter kid right now if I could, I pass out really often but I can feel it before hand so I hide in my office when it's about to happen so no one knows. Fuck. Shit." Will ran towards the forest with tears in his eyes but Piper ran after him,

"Wait." Piper charmspoke when they were in the middle of the forest, it was dangerous but neither of them cared in that moment.

"Oh fuck you, leave me alone."

"Will-"

"If you tell anybody a word of what I said I swear to Apollo I will rip you apart limb for limb McLean." Piper shivered, Will couldn't lie...

"Breathe. In and out, I'm going to unpack a bit of what you said alright? If it's too much tell and I'll stop." Will just nodded barely breathing as Piper sat down beside him, "You feel everyone's pain when you heal them?"

"It's a trade off, if people knew they wouldn't let me heal everyone."

"Doesn't that mean you're almost constantly in pain?"

"It's worth it."

"What do you feel right now?"

"Broken rib, last time I healed Nico. I mean I feel other things from a week ago but they all would have healed a bit by now so it's not as bad. I've been on painkillers anyways, practically high on them at this point."

"That's-"

"-not heathly, I'm fully aware but I don't give two fucks."

"Alright, you tried to kill yourself? Why? Are you alright?"

"After the Manhattan battle, Michael and Lee... I was on the bridge but I met someone there. We convinced each other to not jump, I realised I couldn't leave Kay and Austin alone. They lost two older brothers in the war, they wouldn't be losing a third. I still sometimes wish I'd done it, but they can't be alone."

"Will, show me your wrists."

"No, fuck off."

"Will-"

"Don't act like you fvcking care, leave me alone."

"Will, I care. I just want to make sure you're okay, don't make me charmspeak you."

"Fine." Will muttered in tears, rolling up the sleeves of his hoodie. His arms were covered in shallow, red, cuts, Piper counted 14 on one arm and 17 on the other. She pulled the crying boy into a hug,

"I'm here for you."

"I feel so useless, I've never been on a quest, I can barely fight, I'm not half as good of a healer as Micheal was. Everyone would be better off without me, the Demeter kids agree."

"Never say that again okay? Almost all of camp would be dead without you."

"I couldn't save them, it's my fault."

"You still saved all those people; you didn't kill anyone Will."

"I didn't help them either, it's my fault they died."

"No it's not, you tried to save them."

"But I didn't."

"You can't save everyone, some people are too close to dying."

"I should have saved them."

"It's impossible to save everyone, some people are too close to death."

"Micheal could have done it."

"People die Will, death is a part of existence. You can't delay every death, it's not your fault."

"It's the only good thing about me, healing people. If I can't do that well enough what's the point of me living?"

"William Andrew Solace listen to me, you can't save everyone. Even then you're worth more than your power, clearly considering I've had twelve people come to me asking how to make you like them. You're cool, funny, loyal, ridiculously smart as in smarter than half the Athena cabin, and you actually genuinely care about everyone."

"It's just, when they die on my watch. I feel like I killed them." A few second's of silence passed,

"When was the last time you cut?" Piper asked with caution not trying to upset Will any more then he already was.

"Two days ago, when I thought Nico might not make it. The thought of him dying, fuck." A tear rolled down his face and he pulled away from the daughter of Aphrodite.

"I'm going to find you a therapist okay? Do you think that'll help?"

"Yes, but I'm too scared to open up to people. Fvcking curse, I really want to punch Lou Ellen right now."

"I'll find someone that can help."

"Thank you."

"Do you want to talk more or is it too much?"

"Too much."

"Alright, just one thing."

"Yeah?"

"Nico's halfway to death?"

"Yes, I want to lock him in the infirmary because I don't know how much longer he'll last with the amount he's eating and drinking."

"Shit."

"Weren't you meant to be giving me advice on how I can get him to like me?" Trying to change the topic, he wasn't exactly meant to be telling people this stuff.

"Oh rightttt that's what I was meant to be doing."

"I'm slightly more hopeful then I was a week ago, at least now I know he's gay."

"Who told you?" Piper asked reaching for her dagger,

"Nico...? We were playing twenty questions and I asked him if he was straight."

"Ohhh okay, so I don't need to kill anyone."

"I don't think so...?"

"Great, so Nico di Angelo, son of Hades. I think... show him you care but don't worry about him too much, honestly just be normal with him, he doesn't get that from most people. The most important thing, give him space but don't let him push you away, he does that a lot."

"Thanks McLean."

"It's my job." Piper said, messing up his hair.

"You said twelve people came to you trying to date me, who exactly were they?"

"Well it's meant to be confidential, but one of them was Leo when he first met you. Don't tell him told you, he will kill me."

"Leo Valdez? That's unexpected."

"The more you know Solace, the more you know. Anyways I should probably go, me and Annabeth are dying Percy's hair red."

"What?!"

"He's the little mermaid so naturally we're kidnapping him and dying his hair red."

"Well I wish you luck and I can't wait to see red-head Percy."

***

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aroacehanzawa · 7 months

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THANK YOU FOR RBING WITH YOUR THOUGHTS especially the last line.

i really do miss when bsd stayed in its own genre, and I KNOW before someone comes at me that sometimes you gotta do a little exploring, a little swaying. but not like this. i just dont enjoy the manga anymore because it's so far from what i fell in love with. and again before someone says oh then why are you reading it and complaining if it makes you so mad😤😤😡 IM NOT EVEN READING IT. I CHECK THE LEAKS AND I GO YEAH THIS IS STILL JUST FYODOR AND DAZAI NOT DYING. also because i care about the characters and i still want to see how the whole thing is resolved cuz guess what im not gonna just stop reading it after i invested 3 years of my life into it.

anyway yeah. as i said. whagever.

ME TOO.

The thing is that bsd has always been something more than just silly detectives vs port mafia shenanigans, but it managed keep this larger world contained in a way that made sense in the story. For example the book, which is practically a deus ex machina device, still had its place and function in the story - francis wanted it to bring back his daughter, and even the usage of the page to frame the agency was logical.

Even the more high tech stuff like the eyes of god surveillance system was well played - not only did we get a funny ace attorney moment of francis interrupting the courtroom and buying the software, it actually became plot relevant in the cannibalism arc to locate fyodor and early doa arc to find mushitarou. (and francis's death fakeout was actually good, because it wasn't overdone yet, plus we got a nice and fun redemption arc for him)

But then we're suddenly getting a bunch of new ability weapons like fukuchi's sword and prison realm one order and idk. what else have we had. Time manipulating cat lady who was practically used as an off-screen human ability weapon for dazai's convenience and then immediately killed off with no name no dialogue no character #feminism.

All this while it seems like asagiri completely forgot about the part where atsushi is somehow a beacon towards the book, but that isn't too surprising because it feels like asagiri has forgotten about the role and personality and agency of the characters in general. The thing that drew me into bsd in the first place was its sincere focus on the human experience, the way that each chapter and mini arc seemed to have something to say about the overarching themes of finding a reason to keep living and a place to belong. Now i feel like the last time we got to see any of this kind of commentary was with tachihara's arc, or briefly with sigma, but it still feels too shallow.

And like you said there's nothing wrong with a little exploring and a little swaying, in fact i think the whole premise of bsd is that it allows for so much exploration, but to me it feels like the potential that bsd held in the beginning is just not being met anymore. Or rather we're just not heading in the direction we could've been going in.

Atsushi and his implied connection to the book like i mentioned earlier. The order of the clock tower that has been teased since agatha's introduction and some sporadic mentions/implications of its existence since then. Dazai and fyodor's unknown first meeting (this is why i also don't like them killing off fyodor just like that because we still don't know anything about him BUT the way we've ended up in this inexhaustible loop of dazai wins fyodor wins dazai wins fyodor wins i also don't see any way out of it unless one or both of them die so. asagiri just look at what you've done)

idek what i'm trying to say here i'm just really frustrated because i've invested so much of my time in following bsd and it's like as a reader i'm not even getting anything out of it.

anywya read orv for good plot and characters and worldbuilding and literally perfect storytelling and respect for the reader

#bsd

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k-s-morgan · 2 years

Text

Do you know something that irritates me a lot in the Kuroshitsuji fandom? The bashing of Elizabeth. Protecting Lizzie's happiness and innocence was always a priority for Ciel and in Book of the Atlantic he also learned to admire and respect her. He realized that Lizzie is not the overprotected, helpless, and naïve child that he believed her to be, but an implausibly formidable warrior whose feelings are not to be taken lightly. When Lizzie cried out, mid-fight, "I am the wife of the Queen's Watchdog!" and she triumphed over her enemies, enemies that represent a problem even for Sebastian, she showed that the extraordinary blood of the Phantomhive ran through her veins and that she is the only woman worthy of being called Countess Phantomhive. Her love for Ciel is not childish and shallow, but fierce, burning with rage at her failure to protect him, a love she would die for. Even Sebastian showed her admiration for her. And, personally, after reading the manga, I feel that Ciel has a small crush on her, which would not at all detract from the passion he feels for Sebastian, there are many types of crushes and that would make him so human. (Is it very noticeable that Elizabeth is my favorite character?)

-----------------------------------------

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on Lizzy, it was fascinating to read them! I'm actually not very fond of this character myself, but I agree with a lot of what you said.

To me, Elisabeth comes across as extremely loud and active, impatient and boisterous, but with the depth that deserves admiration. I love how stubborn and strong she is. The way she tried to pretend for Ciel because she wanted to make him happy, her dedication and her passionate loyalty are impressive qualities. I think she is going to become a brilliant woman and I agree she deserves to carry the name of Phantomhives, although I don't see her as a fitting wife for Ciel in particular.

For now, with how she was portrayed in the anime, I do still see her as childish - or rather, perfectly corresponding to her age, which is something I can't say about Ciel. I don't like how Lizzy is downright suffocating with her behavior sometimes. I understand where she is coming from - she sees that Ciel is gloomy and brooding, and she’s trying to bring sunlight into his life, but it comes across as immature and inappropriate for the most part.

Ciel, I think, loves Lizzy, but he doesn’t like her. He loves her as a part of his family, his childhood; he loves her as someone who was there during the happiest moments of his life. He feels responsible for her because that’s what he’s been taught to feel early on, and since Ciel is fierce in his protectiveness, he would have likely died for her - but the problem is, he would never be able to live with her. She has a type of personality that someone like Ciel would find annoying and frustrating. They live in two different worlds and operate on absolutely different mental levels - they have nothing but their past child-like innocence in common. Ciel is surrounded by darkness, addicted to it; Lizzy, on the other hand, is firmly on the light side, despite her warrior-like nature. She wants openness and sunlight when Ciel prefers subtlety and shadows; Ciel is scarred in a way that Lizzy would feel compelled to heal, but she would be unable to do it and he would resent her for trying. That's why, in my eyes, Ciel and Sebastian fit each other perfectly: they understand each other on a unique, intimate level; they are similar and willing to learn alongside each other.

As for Sebastian, I agree that he respects Lizzy. I think she fascinates him with the opposing qualities of her personality. She’s rude and insensitive in her obliviousness toward people’s boundaries, but at the same time, she’s extremely compassionate and sweet. She’s soft, overly emotional, and prone to crying, but she’s also a fierce and protective warrior when she needs to be. She couldn’t be less suitable for someone like Ciel, and Ciel treats her coldly often, but she still adores him with everything she has. Unlike Ciel, Lizzy is really a child, but she’s composed of so many wildly different components that Sebastian must find it captivating and worthy of respect. In a way, she’s like a paler, much lighter, and more childish version of Ciel, whose contradictory soul Sebastian is obsessed with.

#black butler #elizabeth midford #ciel phantomhive #kuroshitsuji #sebastian michaelis #sebaciel

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tearskillstardust · 4 months

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hii i was hoping i could participate in ur dec game <3

im an intj 5w6 libra sun pisces moon taurus rising

fav characters are zhongli, neuvillette, kaveh and alhaitham

my preferred aesthetic is dark academia

personality : not shy but just reserved around those im unfamiliar with. not very emotional either unless its with a close friend/someone im comfortable around (but i do feel very deeply). im relatively calm and overall quiet since i dont feel the need for words all the time + im philosophical by nature and i find it hard to connect with my peers due to our differences— i seek out those who have full understanding towards certain things, but i often feel as though others are often shallow with connections. i often look and analyze whatever principles something is ruled under, often questioning them internally.

from an outer perspective im often seen as outright cold but my best friends disagree, im very energetic and eccentric when im comfortable with someone, very dramatic at times as well. when it comes to things like school i just stay quiet so i dont have to deal with others LOL

words that define me (according to my bff): honest, intelligent (thanked her for this AHAH), introverted, dramatic, wise, possessive, imaginative, sensitive to those i care about, logical

hobbies : reading, writing philosophy/research and essay type of stuff, going to the theatre (for operas, specifically), learning languages, what else.. oh yes im very into history/politics idk i dont have much to say

id like to participate in 1- stellar union and 5- venus aesthetic with whoever you match me with

take care of yourself and have a lovely day<<3

1] STELLAR UNION ! ░ the genshin characters you get along most with are ...

ALBEDO !

—the chalk prince has quite the reputation for being an unintentional heart stealer. while it does bother him at times, somewhat concerned as he sometimes is to keep a reputation that is clear of such faults, he does not mind it to a great extent. with you, though, he would start questioning if he really is all that charming. he would find you ethereal upon first sight. there would be a look of serenity yet brightness on your features that would make him think of you as god's favourite canvas. your inclination towards literature and art while also maintaining curiosity and skill in the field of science and philosophy would not fail to amaze him. your empathy and natural sensitivity to others' feelings would also make him very soft.

—while the first conversation would undeniably be based on physical attraction, the more he would get to know you, the deeper his adoration for you would stretch. he would find you as the perfect companion to speak to about all his pursuits, be it science, arts or just random exchanges over topics of curiosity. he would also admire how you don't necessarily feel the desire to speak or interact and how you find solace in quiet too. he would feel understood by you because you radiate an aura of comfort. he would admire your level of balance in all pursuits, be it life or career and would also feel much more organized and in control of things when in your company. there would be mutual understanding regarding many aspects of life and work which would make you two get along very well naturally.

—you'd find him lacking in interest and passion initially, but as you get to know him better, he would reveal the more funny and humourous side of himself which he rarely shows. you would get to witness his rebellious side that intentionally researches and studies the subjects he is barred from. there would be lovely moments between you two because there would be unspoken understanding. imagine sneaking out to a park at midnight together, staying a bit too long at the lab and accidentally setting something on fire, experimenting with the recipe of chocolates and ending up making something else entirely which actually tastes better, having inside double meaning jokes, talking so much in class the teacher makes you two sit separately and then talking across the class through hand gestures, being the teacher's favourites yet the most feared ones and sharing vulnerable moments.

WRIOTHESLEY !

—yet another man who would be curious about you based on looks initially. though with him, he would find you more of a mystery, like the hidden part of the moon instead of an ethereal being. he would find you as someone unattainable and would thus ignite his curiosity. initially, there would be discord and disagreement but when you two come closer, if it ever happens that is, then you two would come to finally understand the root of each other's thinking process and develop an intimate bond full of understanding. there would be a lot of trust, from his side especially. because you both crave a connection that is deep and heart-touching, there would be an alignment of desires which would lead to undying passion from both sides. he would also be touched by how you feel everything so deeply.

—he would love how you can adjust with both sides of him; the clingy and the distant one. he would admire how you aren't all about talking even though you're amazing at it, and that you don't mind thinking rationally and keeping emotions aside. it would make him very comfortable in sharing his ideas and opinions with you and you would be a safe outlet for him. he would adore you a lot and look up to you as a pillar of support when his own barriers of patience are breaking. being someone hardworking, he desires the company of someone who can help him with stress relief, so he'd be very touched by your ability to indulge in that too by giving small messages or allowing him to sleep in your arms. while he isn't too big on it personally, he would definitely admire your penchant for literature and aesthetics and would love to share philosophies and ideas with you.

EULA !

—the first thing that would help you two bond would be your love for the arts and literature. she would find you reading a rarer book of interest to her and would immediately note your face down in her mind and look forward to speaking with you, or even vice verca. there would be great potential for the two of you to bond over similar interests and going along that line, you two would get to know each other more and more, getting closer with time. she would admire your empathetic yet practical nature and you would find her calmness and patience the best quality of her temperament.

—going along this very line, it also means that she would be more than willing to reveal her insecurities, fears and vulnerabilities to you. she would feel fun around you, as in, you would be able to bring out the more innocent, childish and fun-loving part of her that was suppressed in her younger years. due to this, she'd feel like her best self in your company. there would be freshness and fun here, and a shared element of admiration. you two would bring out the better, brighter side of each other; your inner children who are willing to hold each other's hands and explore the world together!

5] VENUS AESTHETIC ! ░ you and albedo ...

:D ! <3

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #event #anon <3

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