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angelshadowsinger · 2 months

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Scarlet-Tipped Secrets; Peonies, for You

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Azriel x f!reader

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.5k

𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐲: angst

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬 (𝐓𝐖):

hanahaki!au, TW gore/vomiting (mildly descriptive— it’s bloody petals), unrequited love, themes of depression and lack of self worth, pining (so much pining), & dramaaaaa

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲:

When you develop feelings for your best friend, you delude yourself into believing you can ignore them for the rest of your life, if it means you can stay by his side. But once he starts seeing someone else, you discover that if you continue keeping your secret… your time on earth may be cut short. You find yourself with an impossible choice— remove all attachments to the shadowsinger and live, or hold out hope and suffer the consequences.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞:

This one goes out to all my angst girlies. My ladies who like the feeling of tears crawling onto your pillow, of hurt balling up in your stomach as you wander through a fic. I see you and I feel you, and I cooked this one up special just for you.

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞:

Mates do not exist in the universe that this fic is set in, meaning Elain is not “off limits” to Az, and Cass is single. Additionally, since mates aren’t a thing, marriage/weddings are!

･゜゜・．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇ: ʙʏ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴇʀᴛɪꜰʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ 18 ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴍɪɴᴏʀ. ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ. ʀᴇᴀ�� ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴅɪꜱᴄʀᴇᴛɪᴏɴ.

･゜゜・．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

The first time it had happened, you had been more confused than anything.

Azriel had just given Elain a gift for Starfall; a pair of earrings that would glow a warm pink when kissed by the sun’s rays. Her cheeks turned the same color as she admired them, as did the tips of the shadowsinger’s ears.

Just one smooth petal rested in your palm as you brought your hand back from covering a cough, pink and delicate and beautiful. You thought that maybe it had landed in your palm before you coughed— even if there were no peonies in the vicinity and you hadn’t even seen one in months. Because there was no way that it had come… out of you.

The second time it happened, confusion became fear and it swiftly took root deep in your stomach. This time, it was a couple of petals, dewey in your hand as you turned away from your friends, shock running through you.

Azriel and Elain were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the love seat in the living room of the House of Wind, spirits being passed around by everyone and laughter filling the air. They had just shared a look you could infer was meant to be a secret between only them, but you had unfortunately witnessed the action. You could hardly breathe as you quickly hid the evidence of your newfound predicament, dumping the petals into a potted plant beside the mantle. You hoped that you were slick; taking a slow sip from your glass in an attempt to rid your throat of that tight, scratchy feeling even though your body was screaming for you to gulp it down.

In that moment, you realized that something was wrong with you. It would only take a few more petal-filled fits and two trips to the grand library of Velaris to discover that you were— to put it simply— completely, wholly, and undeniably doomed. It was there, during the early hours of morn and the empty, candle-lit corridors that you learned three things;

You were in love with your best friend, Azriel.

He was in love with someone else.

And you were going to die.

—

Things between you and the shadowsinger hadn’t always been so difficult.

Your relationship was, for many years, easy and left you feeling light; every conversation and interaction cherished. Initially, the pair of you had become fast friends; the other members of the Inner Circle even remarking on how he was usually a little slower to build relations. Perhaps something of your sense of self, intelligence, and silver-thorned wit had something to do with his initial intrigue. That was the guess Feyre ventured, anyway.

Once your friendship with the elusive male had blossomed, it was easy to maintain. Though you didn’t see him every day, when he did pay you a visit, the two of you made the most of it. The Inner Circle liked to poke at the pair of you, even going so far as to joke about your relationship that was not a relationship. And you and Azriel took it like champs; never wavering, always keeping it light in good fun.

But at night when you would crawl into your sheets and close your eyes, sometimes thoughts of him would find you. It was wrong to be thinking of your best friend like this when he so obviously would never feel that way for you, and yet… you pondered how his fingers would feel tracing across your naked back. You wondered what it would be like to melt into his arms at the end of the day, how his heartbeat would sound if it was just inches away from your ear, if you could lay your head on his chest.

You tried, you really did try to stop the thoughts from coming. But they quickly became more vivid, and more frequent than before. You couldn’t rid him from your mind— couldn’t focus when he came near, couldn’t hold up your end of the witty volley you usually shared because you’d get flustered if you stared at him for too long. Slowly, you had come to realize that the jokes your friends loved to make weren’t just conjecture— they knew all along that something was there.

It made you wonder if Azriel knew, too.

He was undeniably one of the smartest males you had come to know— your appraisal of him was sparkling, stellar. But when it came to things regarding emotion— specifically, his own emotions… he tended not to be quite as adept. So you had now landed in this confusion-fogged purgatory. Either your best friend knew you harbored feelings for him and he did not return them whatsoever— acting ignorant of your emotions. Or he didn’t know you were in love with him, didn’t even see a romantic relationship with you as a possibility, and maybe… if he were enlightened, he would realize that he… loved you too.

It was that very hope that had you holding out for so long. You so desperately wanted to believe that he just wasn’t aware of your feelings— of his— that you smushed your dignity down and continued to uphold your friendship, never revealing that you felt romantically attracted to him.

But the waiting game, of course, came back to bite you in the ass. Because the moment you realized he had started to see someone else… you knew that you had deluded yourself for months. All those nights that you laid awake, fantasizing about him and how he would proclaim his love to you… they were just fantasies. Nothing of the sort would ever happen.

Because now, he had Elain.

Her— the Archeron sister known for her gentle spirit and her striking face. She was quiet, and sweet, and goddamn breathtaking. Of course it had to be her; it couldn’t have been some bitch that would actually be deserving of your hatred. Because he was perfect, why would his choice of life partner be anything but? You couldn’t think of a bad word to say about the woman.

Elain had always treated you with polite kindness, a sense of regality emanating from her and her ethereal beauty. Though she wasn’t by any means your favorite female, there was nothing she had ever done to justify even a grain of dislike. You couldn’t say your few conversations had been riveting, nor her presence been warm and inviting… but they hadn’t been the opposite either. Your opinion on her was removed, but pleasant. Hell, if you could stand a blow to the ego, you might even admit you were jealous of the looks almost every male gave her when she entered the room.

The jealousy certainly ramped up once you realized that your beloved shadowsinger was one of those males… and actually, he was the only one she seemed to return interest toward, which of course… was salt in the wound.

As the weeks dragged on, their supposedly-secret affair began picking up speed. The sight of Azriel’s warm hazel gaze pinned to her made your stomach churn with unease, the petals itching up your throat more and more often. It became easier to just avoid the both of them in general, and with the absence of their presences, it was easier for you to pretend that everything was fine, and that you could handle your worsening condition on your own.

But of course, that was not the case.

Because after a few months, the Inner Circle gathered in private quarters above the Night Court Annual Starfall Ball. Thousands celebrated and swirled below you in the ballroom and yet you could only focus on one. It was then that the man who haunted your thoughts stood before the rest of you, pretty Elain tucked under his arm all giddy and shy, and announced they were engaged to be wed.

—

Warm liquid trickled out from the corner of your mouth, your ears ringing as your vision blurred in two, wide waves cleaving and then melting together again.

The crisp air felt welcome on your flushed cheeks, cool on your inflamed, ragged lungs. Stars danced above you as they pelted across the sky, and in your haggard state, they seemed to smear into a disorienting and beautiful masterpiece.

Someone was kneeling in front of you, large wings casting shadows around broad shoulders as they yelled something you couldn’t quite understand. The warm smell of them was comforting and you relaxed slightly, recognizing it was Cassian and slumping as his calloused hands came to hold your biceps.

The spliced image of him made it too hard to read the words on his lips. You tried to sit up but your body was drained, making it impossible to move. The Illyrian gathered your limp form into his arms and your head lolled to face the ground, finally piecing together what had happened.

A pile of pink, lush petals glistened up at you against the dark stone of the balcony floor, the light from the full moon sparkling off droplets of deep scarlet. It had happened again… and this time, it was even worse than before. You had had another episode— the evidence of it glaring even in your semi-conscious state.

“You’re in love with him…,” Cassian said slowly, barely even audible.

But you heard it— your body trembling with some sick concoction of shame and relief. For so long you had not uttered a whisper of your feelings, never daring to take ownership of them, let alone share them. There were no words that you could muster, nothing sharp or bright for you to make a response. You were just tired. Indescribably tired. Gods, you were so tired, your limbs felt as if they had turned to stone, and you could slumber for a thousand years.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” the male growled, squeezing your limp form closer to his firm chest. “I swear, he… Gods, this is fucked.”

You closed your eyes and allowed his body heat to seep into you, finding a small bit of comfort there. Cassian didn’t choose to say anything else as the waves of sickness gradually dissipated, leaving you weak and numb.

“Cass,” you rasped, barely able to get enough air to speak. “I’m scared.” Your head felt as if it was filled with a thick smog— struggling to get enough oxygen as you slowly recovered.

The General’s brow furrowed in pain at your pitiful confession, gathering you closer to his chest and tucking your head in tight beneath his chin. “I know, sweetheart. But you’re not alone. You don’t have to do this by yourself, not anymore. I’m here.” Cassian held you so delicately you wanted to cry, guilt pulsing through you as you realized he must have been terrified to have found you in such a sorry state. “I’ve got you,” he murmured, his voice low and full of promise, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed, woe taking root deep in your chest. Now that you had seen Azriel with her— like that, so clearly in love with her, parading their affections out in the open, for anyone and everyone to see as he twirled her around the ballroom earlier… It was too much. Every part of you throbbed in agony, and you were consumed in fresh throes of self-pity. It was completely humiliating to be this debilitated. All because you were in love with your best friend, and he was in love with someone else.

Cassian scrunched his brow, the planes of his chiseled face settling into solid lines as you regained your bearings. “There’s no need to apologize, Y/n. You didn’t ask for this— how you feel is not your fault. Your body is already punishing you for simply having feelings— don’t let your mind join in on the beating too.”

You nodded, tucking your hands into your chest as he sighed and stood, taking you with him. He lifted you into his embrace with the utmost ease, as though you weighed nothing more than a sheet of paper. Your evening dress fluttered with the movement. If anyone caught sight of you two from far away, perhaps it could be construed as romantic, the way he now held you in his strong arms, strolling away from the party.

“You don’t seem as… freaked out as I thought you would,” you whispered as he walked with lethal quiet. Shadows stood tall above you as you approached the hedged boundary of the estate gardens, cutting into the overwhelming display the falling stars continued to put on.

Cassian was quiet.

You took a minute to study his somber expression, trying to read what he was feeling in this moment of recollection. Clearly, he had some experience with this disease before. Otherwise, he would’ve ran you right inside the ball, or to the nearest healer. But he didn’t— instead, he’d wandered into the dark hedges of the grounds, concealing you from prying eyes and ears. As if he understood what you would want most in this moment of shattering vulnerability.

“I’m not sure why you expect so little of me, little one,” he eventually replied, coming to the center of the area. He perched you beside him on a wrought-iron bench, facing a small fountain whose gentle gurgle drowned out the last hints of the celebration you’d left behind.

You frowned. Your lungs felt looser— distracted by whatever it was that provided Cassian with experience regarding your dreadful illness. It was nearly enough to forget the bomb that had been dropped on you upstairs just twenty minutes ago. “It’s not that, it’s just—“ you began. Cass shot you a playful look and you sighed, a smile daring at your lips as you rolled your eyes. “Okay I just meant that before this, I’d never heard of this kind of thing…” Your voice trailed off, hand reaching to rest on his before you murmured, “I’m sorry you have.”

The Illyrian raised a brow and let out a short, hollow laugh. “Oh no— It wasn’t me, I don’t… Well, never that bad anyway. I’ve just seen… how bad it can get. An old friend of mine once had the unfortunate experience of falling ill to this plague centuries ago.”

You nodded and put your hands in your lap, digging a thumb into your palm. “What… happened to them?”

Cassian closed his lips and sighed, hands bracing his knees. Silence drew out for a long beat before he finally spoke. “He told the one he loved about his ailment. And they told him..,” he trailed off, gaze darting sideways to land on you. You gestured for him to continue, and he did so after a brief pause. “They told him they would never have romantic feelings for him. They asked him to have the procedure. They wanted him to live, and if they couldn’t love him… then that was the only way.”

You shuddered. The very notion of the procedure made your bones ache and your shoulders sag.

“So he did,” Cassian went on, undeterred. “And he survived.”

Quiet invaded the still air, otherwise only interrupted by the low chirps of crickets in the grass and the muffled party. Cassian decided not to speak any further on the subject, instead content to let a calm silence settle between the pair of you. But somehow, you found yourself talking— despite never having voiced aloud any of these feelings, any of these thoughts.

“Cass, do you think… I should have the procedure, too?”

It was a question that was fully weighted— heavy, you already knew, but by the way the Illyrian’s shoulders sagged, the gravity of it all seemed more drastic than before.

Cassian took his time to form a reply, but when he finally did, it was in a soft and hushed voice. “I am not the one that should be making such calls, Y/n. But I will tell you that my friend… he was never quite the same.”

You shared a look of understanding with him— he was your friend, and the male you were in love with was his brother. Freshly engaged brother, at that. The consequences of the procedure would certainly crack a deep fracture in the dynamic of your group. If anything, you would probably fade away from everyone, seeing as every one of your memories that the Shadowsinger dwelled in would be tainted— his absence removed entirely. He would not exist to you anymore, and even if that wouldn’t necessarily affect you, oblivious to his existence, everyone around you would not share that same luxury.

And Azriel would be there, too. He would have to see you and know that you had loved him so intensely, that those feelings were so wholly one-sided, that you had to physically remove him from your mind. All so that your heart could forget him and start anew. Would that bother him? Knowing that you had suffered because you had fallen in love with him, while he would never possibly feel that way for you? Surely that would make him uncomfortable, to be in your presence after that. So ultimately, it would be best to just move away, and start somewhere else— clean slate. Would he even miss you?

“Sometimes I think about it— the procedure. This disease, it’s a wretched way to live, Cass. It hurts,” you said, voice cracking as emotion welled up in your eyes and throat. “It hurts so fucking bad, I can’t even be around him anymore. Especially not now. Now that he’s…” You trained off, unable to say the words.

Cassian slid to your side, tucking you underneath a strong arm. The shadow of his wing furled around you from behind, encasing you in a warm, safe space. Tears began to race down your cheeks, gathering at your chin and splattering onto the silken fabric on your lap. You couldn’t stop them— still too drained from the fit from before. All you could do was cry as your friend gathered you closer to him, patting the top of your head with careful strokes, trying his best to comfort you.

Only once your crying seemed to subside did Cassian offer another solution. “Maybe… you could talk to him.”

You laughed— a hollow, broken sound. Cassian lips curved up at the sound nonetheless. “I’m simply nowhere near as brave as you, Cass.” Shaking your head, your gaze focused on the bubbling fountain before you. “Even if I could manage to face him, and confess to him… If he rejected me… I think I’d die on the spot.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, voice low.

You bit your lip. “And why not, Cass? There’s a good chance that I could drop dead any time I have one of these fits. That’s just reality.”

“Well fuck that reality,” Cassian spat, wings ruffling. “I don’t want to live in a world without you, and I sure as hell know Azriel wouldn’t either.”

“Well maybe I don’t wanna live without him!” you yelled. After holding back your emotions for so long, they just kept flooding out after the hole Cassian had punched into the dam that had kept them at bay. “Maybe I’d rather die than lose even one memory with him, maybe I’ll just hold out for as long as I can because I’m too fucking scared to lose him!”

Cassian’s face twisted into agony. “And what of those who love you?” he challenged, voice shaking slightly with emotion. “What about us, what happens when you die, and when the last memories we will have of you were you withering away before our very eyes?! You love him? Do you know what world of pain he will be in when he finds out what happened to you? And then to discover your absolute complacency in the matter?”

A sob escaped you as you felt every word of truth pierce the feeble veil you had called a shield in your attempt at denial. Your friend was right— you couldn’t allow this disease to win, not if that meant hurting everyone you loved in the process. And now that you thought about it— even if you chose to remember him, and let the sickness take its course… what good would those memories do you, when you’d be dead?

Cassian seemed to realize you had accepted defeat, because he tightened his hold on you and stroked your hair as you cried into his chest. The sadness you felt unfortunately was not alleviated by your tears, but at least… you had come to see that there was only one option forward.

You had to go through with the procedure.

You had to forget Azriel.

𝘩𝘪 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴!! 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 <3 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘧𝘪𝘤, 𝘚𝘛𝘚𝘗𝘍𝘠~ 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵𝘺 𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦! 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘻𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯~

𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘮𝘬 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 2 & 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯!!

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#azriel x reader #acotar x reader #acotar x you #angelshadowsinger #azriel angst #azriel fic #azriel fanfic #acotar fic #acotar fanfiction #acotar angst #my work #azriel x you #STSPFY series

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thisblogisaboutabook · 4 months

Note

Hello lovely!! Would you ever do a part 2 to Bad Idea right? Maybe the IC finds out about reader and Eris? 👀👀

I had planned for Part 1 to be a drabble only but I loved your ask so much that it’s going to be a short series now! I present to you, part 2. Thank you for this fun request!

Bad Idea, Right? - Part 2

Eris x Reader/Azriel’s Daughter

Sleeping with a male your dad hates is fun… until you get caught.

A follow up to the drabble “Bad Idea, Right?”

Part 3

Warnings: 18+ for sexual content, language

Holy mother and all the bullshit gods my ancestors prayed to, I’m so royally fucked.

A necklace. A damned necklace, and my family’s overall inability to mind their own business, sent everything spiraling.

Nobody paid any mind to the jewelry I chose for Starfall until Amren set her eyes on the unique amber and gold hued necklace dangling from my neck - coveting the thing. Its unique jewels apparently something she’d never seen in her over 15,000 years of living.

Lucien, who had come with Vassa, Jurian, and Helion in tow, of course, overheard the conversation. With his wealth of knowledge and abundant need to be the biggest know-it-all in the room, Lucien chimed in that the gems came from the Autumn Court, typically only worn by the leading family and their closest affiliates. His brows furrowed with contemplation as he waived a hand toward my décolletage asking, “Which makes me wonder, where did you come across this piece?”

Damn it, Lucien.

And damn it, Eris. Leave it the prick to give me a gift that’s as much of a pain in my ass as he is.

Reading the look on my face, Lucien and Vassa’s son, my childhood best friend, Adish cut in- “Oh, I uh, I gave it to her for her birthday a couple of years ago. I’m surprised you two forgot.”

Lucien and Vassa looked to eachother in contemplation, not totally buying it, but not pressing further.

I mouthed a “thank you” to Adish before Amren pulled me back in to inspect the piece further.

Naturally, Uncle Rhys had step in at that moment - reusing the same joke that I have heard a hundred times since I was a child - Amren is a firedrake who will snatch the necklace right off me blah, blah, blah.

“It really is a lovely piece.” Aunt Feyre joined in, my mother, Aunt Nesta, and father with her. The three sisters inspecting it closely.

Holy shit, have these people never seen a necklace before?

I could have sworn that one of my shadows rolled it’s not existent eyes in agreement.

“Where did you get that?” Dad asked. “Apparently I need to keep it in mind for your mother and aunts for Solstice.”

“Oh, um, it’s from the Autumn Court, Adish gave it to me two years ago for my birthday.” I replied, innocently tracing a finger along the gems as I gave a forced smile.

It was then that my all-to-observant, spymaster jr., little sneak of a sister made her presence known. “No he didn’t! Adish got you a scarf from the continent that year.”

How the hell did this little shit remember these things!?

“Whatever, Azalea, it must have been a different year then.”

“No sissy! He never bought you a necklace - he bought you a bracelet, and two pairs of earrings, but never a necklace.”

Good gods. This child.

Rolling my eyes at my snoop of a sister, I coolly replied “Whatever, Azzy, I suppose my memory isn’t quite as good as yours.” Silently praying to whoever would listen that nobody pressed further. Dad’s shadows agitated but settled when my own shadows wound over to mingle with them.

Amren gave me a suspicious look that could only mean trouble - but fortunately kept her mouth shut. As the remainder of the group dispersed to interact with the crowd, Amren grabbed my arm.

“Be careful, girl. I know better than to tell you what to do, just… keep your wits about you.”

Her intense eyes locked with mine to which I shrugged the comment off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I am not a fool, girl. I do not know you to be one either. Be careful.” the tiny fae chided as she sauntered off to find Varian.

Keeping a collected facade but needing some fresh air, I casually made my way toward a secluded balcony on the backside of the House of Wind.

Finally free of the crowd, I released all of the tension I’d been holding in, taking deep breaths in an effort of calming my nerves. I am an adult capable of making my own choices but… given the inner circles complicated history with Eris, and my fathers overall hatred of the male, I’d rather nobody know that we fuck each others brains out on occasion.

Frowning down at the necklace, I muttered curses to it that would make my mother, dear sweet Elain, keel over.

Too wrapped up in berating the jewelry, I didn’t notice the male behind me. I startled at the smooth voice cutting through the silence, his low tone dripping in lust. “Ah, little Shadowsinger, If you’d prefer a ring instead, I’m sure we could arrange that. Though I do say the necklace compliments your lovely assets quite well.” His eyes roved hungrily up and down my body, a primal gaze darkening those amber eyes and filled my core with heat. I nearly rolled my eyes back into my head as the intoxicating scent of mahogany and crackling fire filled my nostrils.

Regaining my wits and refusing to let him see how he effected me, I met those bedroom eyes with nothing but contempt. “Fuck off, Eris. Why are you here?”

He stepped closer. I stood my ground, no way was I going balk away from the challenge.

“Come now, little one, is that any way to speak to a High Lord? I was invited to the celebration tonight, as all of Prythian’s leaders were.”

Fair enough, but I wouldn’t let him win that easily. Waving him off, I commanded “Go find somewhere else to be a pain in the ass.”

Eris closed the distance, grabbing the wrist I had waived him away with. His head dipped down as his plush lips grazed the shell of my ear. His deep, sensual voice sent chills through me as he replied, “I can only promise pleasure when it comes to that beautiful ass, Y/N.”

Releasing my hand, Eris reached both hands around me, palms pressing into my ass as his fingers hitched my dress up to expose my thighs and barely clothed sex to the brisk evening air. In one swift motion he scooped me up, my legs instinctively wrapping around him. As his lips crashed into mine I bit the lower one just hard enough to draw blood before licking it away and kissing the hurt. His tongue then swooped into my mouth, battling for dominance against my own, a low growl escape his throat, reverberating through me.

Placing me on the balcony ledge, Eris situated himself between my spread legs, desperately palming at my breasts as I threw my head back, exposing the column of my throat to him. He lightly nipped down the length of my neck and my protruding collar bones before falling to his knees before me. His lust-filled eyes met mine as he cooed, “You could bring any male to their knees before your beauty, but this…” he pushed aside the lace thong, exposing me to him, “this gorgeous, dripping cunt belongs to your High Lord, and your High Lord only.”

His skilled tongue deftly swiped up my center, eliciting a moan from me. I looked down into his eyes - mesmerized by the amber hues peering at me from under his lashes. My fingers found purchase in his fiery red locks as I firmly stated, “I belong to no one and you are not my High Lord, Eris.”

His responding nip to my swollen clit drew a sharp gasp from me. Eris let out a satisfied hum in return as he resumed feasting like a starved male. Perhaps that’s what kept drawing me back into the bastards bed - his insatiable hunger fueled by that eagerness to please that only amplified with the calloused remarks I threw at him. Most females fell at his feet - throwing themselves at the chance to serve a High Lord. Whereas most males ran as far away as they could upon realizing that my father was the infamous Shadowsinger.

One of my shadows caressed the base of his neck, circling back around as to tilt his chin up. His needy eyes met mine again. “Fuck me, Eris.”

In an instant he was up, standing before me. Biting my lip, I clenched my thighs together at the sight of the incredibly evident arousal pressing against his trousers. He fumbled with the buckles on them, when suddenly a grating sound filled the air - the balcony doors flying open. “Sissy! Aunt Mor wants to see your neckl- oh wow, who is that!?”

Fuck me. This cannot be happening.

I jumped up, pulling my dress down before my little sister could see the exposed flesh.

I scrambled for words, voice cracking as I scolded, “She can wait, Azzy, just go back inside.”

It was too late though, as my father’s shadow that had been trailing her all evening had already reported back and before Eris or I could flee, my father, mother, Uncle Rhys, and Lucien winnowed onto the balcony.

————————————————-

Stay tuned for part three!

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emilystheories · 6 months

Text

The Dusk Court: A Gateway Between Worlds.

There is so much mystery and intrigue surrounding the Dusk Court. Why did it vanish? Where did its people go? I've mulled over many different theories, but I always come back to how dusk (or nightfall) is described in Throne of Glass:

"Nightfall. That was when Maeve had told Erawan to meet. That liminal space between light and dark, when one force yielded to another. When she would open the portal for Dorian from rooms away."

Light and dark. Opening portals.

As such, I believe the Dusk Court was home to a Wyrdgate (portal) of immense power, where the people of Midgard and Prythian once crossed over into each other's worlds.

[Spoilers for ACOTAR and CC ahead].

Autumnal Equinox.

To explain this theory, I first need to break down some observations I have noted about the workings of the ACOTAR and Crescent City worlds.

The first involves the Autumnal Equinox, as mentioned in HOSAB. In a conversation between Hypaxia and Ruhn, it is noted that the Autumnal Equinox is when the "veil between the realms is thinnest."

"Hypaxia nodded sagely. “There is a ritual I could perform … It’d need to be on the Autumnal Equinox, though.” “When the veil between realms is thinnest,” Ruhn said."

We know this is true, as on the night of the Autumnal Equinox, Apollion visits Bryce in her dreams, and is able to physically touch her:

"This night, I might appear to you—as more than a vision.” He reached out a hand, and Bryce flinched as it touched her. Truly touched her, ice so cold it ached."

However, the Autumnal Equinox is also known as Death's Day. Note how it is described here (as it becomes important for a later part of this theory):

"On the Autumnal Equinox, we shall have our mating ceremony here in Lunathion.” A month away. The holiday known as Death’s Day was a lively one, despite its name: it was a day of balance between the light and dark, when the veil between the living and dead was thinnest."

The Autumnal Equinox/Death's Day is celebrated by people dressing up in costumes (such as Danika and Bryce dressing up as trash one year, lol). Because of this, one can assume that SJM is referencing Halloween.

[art by Emilia Mildner]

This is further corroborated in the Throne of Glass books, as Aelin notes that on Samhuinn, again, the "veil between the worlds [is] thinnest" (and this is when she interacts with Elena, the dead queen).

"Until the previous kingdom, the previous city, the packed streets full of revellers out to celebrate Samhuinn, to honor the gods when the veil between worlds was thinnest."

Samhuinn is in reference to Samhain; the Celtic version (and origins of) Halloween.

To summarise; in Midgard, Death's Day (or what we know as Halloween) occurs on the Autumnal Equinox. It is a day to honour the dead. It takes place on the one night of the year when the veil between the realms/worlds is thinnest.

Starfall.

In Prythian (and more specifically, the Night Court), we have Starfall; the one night of the year when the spirits of the deceased (which manifest as stars) make their yearly migration across the sky.

However, as many have already pointed out, there seems to be a connection between Starfall, and Midgard. This is because Rhys notes that the number of stars participating in Starfall is dwindling:

“Thousands,” he said. “They’ll keep coming until dawn. Or, I hope they will. There were less and less of them the last time I witnessed Starfall.”

This aligns with what we know of the Asteri, who, instead of letting the souls of the dead pass onto the next life (and presumably, participate in Starfall), will consume these souls for food.

[Art by Clarywhy]

However, Rhys mentions that no one knows why the stars choose this particular date to make their journey across the sky. But, I have a theory about this.

I actually believe that Starfall is happening at all times - every single night. Instead, the only reason that they can see the stars (spirits) on Starfall... is because on that particular date, the veil between the realms is the thinnest. This makes sense, as again - the stars are the spirits of the deceased; you shouldn't be able to see them.

Essentially, it's the Prythian version of Death's Day... a celebration of the deceased (which is exactly what Starfall is...).

But this is where it gets interesting; Starfall occurs on the Spring Equinox (or what is known as the 'vernal' equinox).

In Midgard, as we just discussed, Death's Day occurs on the Autumnal Equinox.

So, if there is only one single date per year when the veil between the worlds is thinnest... for Prythian, this is occurring on the Spring Equinox, and for Midgard, this is occurring on the Autumnal Equinox.

This suggests that Prythian and Midgard are... mirror worlds (which perhaps explains why Bryce was yanked across into Prythian, as opposed to being pulled down?). Or, at the very least, it suggests that these two worlds are operating as opposites to each other. It may also help to explain why SJM stated that there was 6 months between the ACOTAR timeline and the CC timeline.

The Dusk Court.

Towards the end of HOSAB, Rigelus states that the Starborn fae originated from an island of "near permanent twilight," that was "a few miles from the mainland."

“Not your kind of Fae, of course—your breed dwelled in a lovely, verdant land, rich with magic. If it’s of any interest to you, your Starborn bloodline specifically hailed from a small isle a few miles from the mainland. And while the mainland had all manner of climes, the isle existed in beautiful, near-permanent twilight."

This all but confirms that the Starborn fae originated from the Dusk Court, and that this was situated on the Prison Island (which is a few miles away from the mainland of Prythian). Rhys corroborates this by suggesting that the Prison Island once used to be an "eighth court."

"Rhys told me once that this island might have even been an eighth court.”

And, as even more proof, Nesta witnesses the marking of an eight-pointed star on the floor of the Prison; the symbol of the Starborn fae.

However, there is one other location that ties into the narrative around the Dusk Court - Avallen Island (in Midgard).

Avallen Island.

The Prison Island isn't the only place that is jam-packed with hints of the Starborn fae. Instead, Avallen Island, in Midgard, is too. For example:

Avallen Island was where Ruhn found the Starsword (where he was surrounded by the sarcophagi/statues of the "sleeping" Starborn Princes...)

The Avallen fae (or some of them) are said to be Starborn themselves (Cormac says he has Starborn blood, but "not enough to be worthy of the blade"). However, instead of starlight, their powers typically manifest as shadows.

With this in mind, it's also noteworthy that Bryce's star glows for Cormac (and we know that her star glows for those who are connected to Prythian).

Additionally, there are a number of stark similarities between Avallen Island and the Prison Island. Most prominently, both islands are enshrouded in the same mysterious mist, and both are guarded by ancient magic. For example:

Avallen Island:

"I want you in Avallen because it is a safehold. Even the Asteri cannot pierce its mists without permission, so old is the magic that guards it.”

Prison Island:

“When you’re in there,” Rhys said, the words barely audible over the wind and silver streams running down the mountainside, “you won’t be able to reach me.” “Why?” I rubbed my already-freezing hands together before puffing a hot breath into the cradle of my palms. “Wards and spells far older than Prythian,” was all Rhys said."

In sum, the similarities between Avallen Island and the Prison Island are so stark, that I believe they were once connected (and perhaps still are). There are two ways this could be possible:

A Wyrdgate or portal that once existed between the two worlds (joining the two islands together).

They are literally the same place.

Option 1: Wyrdgate or portal.

Towards the end of HOSAB, Rigelus tells us that the Dusk Court existed in a "near permanent twilight," but, that doesn't make much sense -- you can't alter the sun like that (which is why it’s not permanently night-time in the Night Court, or not always day-time in the Day Court, etc). So, what else could this be referring to?

I believe that the Dusk Court used to be the place where there was a Wyrdgate (or a portal) between the ACOTAR world (on the Prison Island) and the Crescent City world (on Avallen Island). They are two separate worlds, but the people on both islands merged and interacted due to the Wyrdgate (portal).

And, as I mentioned at the start of this post, there is evidence to suggest that the ACOTAR and CC worlds are mirrors of each other - or opposites. Thus:

If it's nighttime on Avallen Island, it would be daytime on the Prison island.

If it was dawn on Avallen Island, it would be dusk on the Prison Island.

As such, there is a continual contrast between the light and the dark between the two islands. And that is what dusk is; the merging of the light and the dark. This is what Rigelus is referring to.

Thus, I believe that Dusk Court -- as it existed 15,000 (+) years ago -- didn't just involve the Prison Island... but it encompassed Avallen Island too.

I believe this also explains the powers of the Starborn:

Shadow wielders lived on Avallen Island (and they are represented by Truth-Teller; a knife that glows with a dark, BLACK light).

Starlight wielders lived on the Prison Island (and they are represented by the Starsword, which glows with a bright, WHITE light).

Both make up the two halves of the Dusk Court.

However, although they were separate worlds, evidently, they interacted. Because of this, I believe Queen Theia (who possessed starlight) married/mated and had children with whoever was the King of Avallen (who likely possessed shadow powers). I believe this was High King Fionn, given that the ruler of Avallen is also referred to as "High King"... but that's a theory for another day.

Yet most importantly, this is why their children, such as Helena, were said to have skin that glowed with "starlight AND shadows."

“So does Helena’s,” Ruhn shot back, then recited, “Night-haired Helena, from whose golden skin poured starlight and shadows.”

Eventually however, it is presumed that something happened to the Starborn who lived on the Prison Island (and Nesta senses that they were stuck in stone, or perhaps sent in time somewhere using the Harp?).

"Fae screamed, pounding on stone that hadn’t been there a moment before, pleading for their children’s sakes, begging to be let out let out let out— Nesta had the sensation of falling, tumbling through air and stars and time— It was a trap, and our people were too blind to see it—"

This is likely why the shadow wielders (such as Cormac, Ruhn) still exist on Avallen... but the starlight wielders (such as Bryce) are much more rare.

In the present day, Bryce (a starlight wielder) possesses the Starsword, but resides in Midgard (the Avallen side of the Dusk Court).

In comparison, Azriel (a shadow wielder), possesses Truth-teller, but lives in Prythian (the Prison Island side of the Dusk Court).

Just in reference to their power, it's almost like they're both stuck on the wrong side?

Option 2: Avallen Island and the Prison Island are the exact same place.

In ACOSF, readers are given a hypothesis about how the multiverse works; that the worlds are stacked on top of each other, perhaps even SHARING THE SAME SPACE, but are then separated by time.

"Merrill’s brilliant. Horrible, but brilliant. When she first came here, she was obsessed with theories regarding the existence of different realms—different worlds. Living on top of each other without even knowing it. Whether there is merely one existence, our existence, or if it might be possible for worlds to overlap, occupying the same space but separated by time and a whole bunch of other things I can’t even begin to explain to you because I barely understand them myself.”

But, given the mists and and the "ancient magic" involved in both the Prison Island and Avallen Island... what if the worlds are not separated in this one specific location? So, those in Midgard know of Avallen Island... those in Prythian know of the Prison Island... but, they're the same exact place.

This might seem insane, but there are two points of evidence that make me think it's possible.

The Avallen fae live and dress in the same way as the Prythian fae.

The Avallen fae are said to follow the "old ways." They don't have phones, and don't watch TV. Just like Prythian.

Then when Bryce lands in Prythian and meets the Inner Circle, she notes that they're all dressed the same as the Avallen fae.

"This female was … Fae. Clad in beautiful, yet thoroughly old-fashioned clothes. Like the stuff they wore on Avallen."

This is really damn suspicious. And it leads me to my second point:

2. The Avallen fae have the power to "veil the physical world."

As demonstrated in this passage here:

"[...] power to summon shadows or mist that could not only veil the physical world, but the mind as well.“

The Prison Island looks empty and barren... but is it? What if instead, everything is veiled?

If we entertain the thought that the Prison Island and Avallen Island are one and the same... then what if this has been hidden from the Prythian fae...?

Most of us agree that the Dusk Court is going to play a huge role in upcoming books. However, at present, the Prison Island is barren land. To re-establish the Dusk Court, they'll need to rebuild an entire court from the ground up... which seems rather implausible, given the timeline.

But if the Dusk Court is instead veiled, that's a different story...

Plot-wise, this makes perfect sense for CC3.

From the Midgard POV, exploring Avallen seems like the next logical step. It is the only place that the Asteri cannot enter, so if Ruhn, Hunt and Baxian manage to escape the Asteri's dungeons, it would make sense that they go there.

From the Prythian POV, it seems logical that Bryce will be finding the answers to 'Dusk's Truth,' and will end up exploring the Prison Island.

Both POV's are about exploring the Dusk Court.

As someone who is of the opinion that SJM is going full multiverse (and that CC3 won't be the end of Bryce's adventures in Prythian), my guess is at the end of CC3, when Bryce is at the Prison Island, and Ruhn, Hunt, Baxian are at Avallen Island... someone, on one side (likely the Avallen side), will be stepping through that gate.

Bryce's role in all of this.

It has been my mission over the past few months to emphasise just how important Bryce is to Prythian - that her returning home to Midgard at the end of CC3 (to then just pass the torch onto another character for a supposed spin-off novel) makes no sense.

Instead, Bryce has Queen Theia's exact starlight (to the point where I am pretty sure she is some sort of reincarnation). She is the heir to the Starborn fae, whose true home is the Dusk Court in Prythian (even her scent is of dusk!) And most of all, the star on her chest is a beacon for Prythian; she quite literally glows for the ACOTAR world.

Additionally, given how the Avallen fae tie into this narrative too, it's also worth mentioning that Bryce has been repeatedly foreshadowed to be the High Queen of Avallen.

"Cormac cut in, “One day, she’ll be Queen of Avallen. She’d be a fool to throw it away on a bastard angel.”

"Jesiba said, “I suppose I should consider it an honor, to be called a friend by the Starborn Princess daughter of the Autumn King.” A slight pause, and Bryce knew what was coming next. “And the future Queen of Avallen.”

In fact, Cormac's final words to Bryce were about leading their people forward.

But after today …” Cormac’s words grew heavy. Weary. “I think the choice about whether to lead our people forward will be up to you.”

Which, sounds an awful lot like the ancient fae prophecy connected to all of this:

"When knife and sword are reunited, so shall our people be."

[Art by wavyhues]

And, if Bryce is destined to become High Queen of Avallen, as well as High Lady of the Dusk Court... isn't it fitting that she possesses the Horn, which grants her the ability to enter other worlds?

The Queen who walked between worlds...

#sjm multiverse #acotar #crescent city #sjm theory #acotar theory #sjm crossover #bryce quinlan #azriel acotar #azriel #hofas #hunt athalar

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syskidspace · 1 year

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safe (and free) websites for syskids and littles

1. abcya

2. safekidgames.com

3. cool math games

4. disney now

5. pbs kids

6. starfall

7. funbrain

(we only have experience with abcya, disney now, and pbs kids)

feel free to add!!!

#agere #sfw little #sfw agere #syskid #sfw interaction only #system #system little #system littles #osdd #osddid #system stuff

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acourtofthought · 26 days

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Bonus Chapters matter.

While they also don't.

What I mean by that is the information presented in them is important only if the author continues on with the information presented in them in the actual book that everyone has access too.

There are still people shocked to find out about the Azriel bonus from SF. Had they missed reading it, they would have never known about the almost kiss with Elain, about the regifting of the necklace, about Gwyn sparking something in Az's chest.

Nesta and Cassian shared a near kiss in the ACOMAF bonus but you know what happened after that?

We are not left questioning whether Cassian has feelings towards Nesta and we don't need the Bonus Chapter to tell us that. You can remain completely unaware that Wings and Embers exists yet still see that Cassian is drawn to her. The bonus is a fun little extra but it's not really the main source for telling us what we need to know. Without the bonus, all Elain and Az interactions drop off after Solstice. Before that, there's the question of whether there might be something between them but Az is still jealous over Mor (which we see in his interaction with Helion) and how he interrupts Nesta's question about Elain to ask about Mor. So while E/riel did share a charged look, there's enough to make us doubt exactly what it is we're seeing and SJM does not give us reason to think it was anything at all considering there are zero clues after Solstice (not on his end or hers). After Solstice, even if you had missed the Az bonus, you would have seen his banter with Gwyn become more apparent. Where Az has zero mentions of anything with either Elain or Mor related but where he shows admiration and amusement towards Gwyn and where she is sassy towards him "see you tomorrow, Shadowsinger", where Nesta tells Az he's Gwyn's new ribbon. We don't need the bonus to see that something has shifted for he and Gwyn, it's subtle but it's there. But there are Elucien clues after the Feyre bonus. In the Feyre bonus, she thinks on how if Elain had been wearing Lucien's gift from last Solstice, nothing would have pierced her. Had you not read that particular bonus you would have still seen that Lucien stares at her with longing on Solstice and how Elain is standing near Helion for the fist time ever on Starfall. Again, subtle clues but there is something there versus nothing for Az and Elain after his bonus. Elain standing next to her mates unknown father sets the stage for them to have future interactions and where Helion is, Lucien will eventually be. Sarah mentioning how Cassian and Az will still train the Valkyrie after the Rite sets them up for future interactions. But there is nothing that sets up Az and Elain for anything in the future once Solstice has passed. She's not connected to the time travel plots (Az and Gwyn are). She's not connected to Illyrian plots (Az and Gwyn are). She's not connected to the Valkyrie (Az and Gwyn are). Az is not connected to the Trove items (Elain and Lucien are). He's not connected to Koschei (Elain and Lucien are). He's not connected to Vassa (Elain and Lucien are). He's not connected to Spring (Elain and Lucien are). So again, the bonus chapter matters but it doesn't matter all that much. If SJM does not carry on the information learned in the bonus in the actual book then it's information that isn't going to matter all that much moving forward.

#anti e/riel #gwynriel #elucien

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danikamariewrites · 8 months

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hi❤️ could i request a feysand x reader with jealousy, maybe one of rhysands old girlfriends tries confront reader and feyre and is completely hateful to them. maybe the ex tries to put a spell on him to fall in love with her again👀 protective feyre and reader😍😍

Love Potions

Poly!Feysand x reader

A/n: I love protective Feyre she’s mother fr

Warnings: jealous ex, attempted poisoning

As you mingled with the guests of the annual Starfall party you noticed a familiar face that made your eye twitch. You politely excused yourself from the group you were speaking with to go find Feyre. You pulled her away from Mor and Emerie and dragged her behind some of the tall shrubbery in the back of the garden.

“Honey what’s wrong? You keep looking over your shoulder.” You peek through the bushes one more time to make sure you didn’t lose the female. “Rhys’ ex is here.” You whisper shouted. Feyre tilted her head in confusion. “Which one?”

Feyre chose the wrong moment to sip her champagne. “Ella.” You growl. She chokes on her drink, blue eyes going wide. “She’s not allowed to be here. What the fuck.” She quietly shouted back. “I know.” You peek through the gap in the bushes again, “if you keep Rhys distracted I can get rid of her.” You say.

Feyre nods in agreement. Her lips in a tight line as she keeps her anger at bay. You can see the darkness swirling in her eyes and the power crawling under her skin. “Keep our mind-to-mind connection open.” She said walking away to find Rhys.

For a half hour you kept your distance from Ella, making sure she didn’t do anything that would piss Rhys off. Really you were doing this for you and Feyre. Rhys told you two what happened between them. And it was not a pleasant relationship.

Ella was a very jealous female. She couldn’t stand not having Rhys’ attention and didn’t get along with the rest of the inner circle. Nesta ran into her one day at the bookstore and they didn’t have a pleasant interaction. Cassian had to keep Nesta from breaking Ella’s nose.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary so far. All Ella did was talk to a few friends and enjoy the dessert table. You were about to call it and go find your mates when you saw Ella grab a glass of whiskey. She slipped a small pink bottle from her dress pocket and poured half the contents in, swirling it around.

Azriel and Cassian told you once that out of all Rhys’ exs Ella would do anything to get him back. She was crazy. After they broke up for good Azriel found her stalking the Town House and scared her off with his shadows. You wished you had been around to see the petrified look on her face.

She started to strut across the yard. Your eyes followed where she was going and noticed she was making a beeline toward Rhys. You started lightly jog across the yard your heel slightly sinking into the grass as you went. “Feyre!” You yelled, “Feyre, she’s walking toward you and I think she put something in a drink for Rhys.” “Oh no she’s doesn’t. I got this.” “I’m coming. Don’t yell at her without me!”

You see Feyre float toward Rhys and he wraps an arm around her. As Ella steps on the raised deck you rush past her causing her to stumble. You don’t look back as a smirk graces your lips. Feyre notices you and holds out her hand. You take it and she pulls you to Rhys’ to chest.

“Hello sweetheart.” He says planting a kiss on your forehead. Rhys hugs you and Feyre closer to him, “My darling and sweetheart. This night can’t get any better.” “Oh but it can get worse.” You grit out in Feyre’s mind. She grimaces but it quickly turns into a disgusted look as she looks over your shoulder.

You and Rhys turn to see Ella with an innocent smile plastered on her face. “Hello Rhysand.” “Ella,” he says, his voice tense. “I just wanted to say hello. I thought I’d bring you a drink, since neither of them thought of you.” Her tone condescending as she eyes you and Feyre. “It’s your favorite whisky.”

You wanted to rip her hand off as she shoved the drink in Rhys’ face. Feyre knocks the drink from her hand. It spills across the stone and the glass shatters. Rhys has the mess gone with a thought and looks at Feyre with a questioning look.

“She put something in it.” You said coldly. Rhys’ attention snapped to your face which promised Ella death if she didn’t leave. “Ella? Is that true?” He asked carefully. All Ella did was scream and stomp. Once her tantrum gained the attention she wanted Azriel appeared from a shadowy corner. He sent his shadows toward Ella sending her running form the house.

“Thank you, brother.” Rhys said trying to cover up his laugh. He looked down at you and Feyre, resting a hand on each of your shoulders. “And thank you, my beautiful mates, for looking out for me.” You both hugged him saying in unison, “Love you Rhys.” “I love you too.”

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar reader fic #acotar reader imagine #acotar imagine #feysand #feysand x reader #Feysand x you #poly!feysand x reader #poly!feysand x you #poly!feysand #feyre x reader #feyre archeron #feyre acotar #Feyre x you #rhysand x reader #rhysand x you

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emmitaaa4 · 1 month

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the way this was Elain’s last appearance in the original trilogy 😭

"What now?" Elain mused, at last answering my question from moments ago as her attention drifted to the windows facing the sunny street. That smile grew, bright enough that it lit up even Azriel's shadows across the room. "I would like to build a garden," she declared. "After all of this ... I think the world needs more gardens."

My throat was too tight to immediately reply, so I just kissed my sister's cheek before I said, "Yes—I think it does."

Elain’s eyes shone with joy and life–a light she needed only herself to regain, a light she began to find once Az gave her the understanding she needed to distinguish dream from reality—and that bright smile lit up Azriel’s shadows 🥲

And the way Rhysand then keeps mentioning how Feyre’s laugh is the most beautiful sound, that it fills him with a light brighter than Starfall…

and then in Elain and Azriel’s last interaction in SF, Az is drawn to the sound of her laugh and literally follows it to see what made her happy—

i can’t. i really really can’t ensnjznsnawbsh

———

bUt azRiel’s sHadOws—

respectfully, there is no negative connotation there.

#elain archeron #acowar #azriel #pro elain #azriel shadowsinger #elriel #acotar #pro azriel #acosf

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witchybitchy222 · 1 year

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Rhysand x Reader | Silver Threads

Based on this prompt “my family thinks we’re dating.” Requested by @lillithathecat hope you love it!!

——————————————————————————

“Fuck” you breathed as you looked down at the blood welling on th tip of your finger. You set down your needle and walked to the bathroom, washing the blood off before it ruined the expensive fabric you were working with.

You were normally careful with your sewing, but it was getting close to lunchtime and your thoughts were distracted. It was almost time for your weekly lunch with the High Lord. You knew it was his way of thanking you for the countless dresses, suits, cloaks, and coats you’d made specially for his inner circle, but you couldn’t help but get butterflies at the thought of seeing him again. You’d been having these lunches for nearly a year, after you’d made him and his entire family their starfall outfits last year. He’d come in the next week and insisted on taking you to a nice lunch as a thank you, and he’d been doing it every week since.

You’d opened up your shop only six months before that. You were a refugee from an Illyrian war camp where you’d spent most of your time patching the warriors’ leathers. You weren’t treated well by any means, but you loved to sew and create, and fixing up the tears in the thick leather outfits was a way to make yourself useful at the camp. You’d been born a “half-breed” and weren’t blessed with wings. You were lucky you had magic, or else you likely would’ve been killed as a babe.

Creating things, sewing them from scratch and making sure they were perfect, had always brought you joy. Sure you could’ve sped up the process with magic, but making things by hand gave them a unique quality, and your embroidery skills were what you were most proud of.

You’d met Mor first, she’d stopped in and requested a dress made for a ball she was attending in the winter court. You’d made it exactly to her specifications (something sexy and alluring that wouldn’t leave her freezing her ass off in the winter snow), and she’d been coming to you ever since.

Not long after you’d made that first gown, you’d gotten a visit from the High Lord himself, wanting a new suit. You’d been totally mesmerized by him from the moment you met him, those violet eyes and full lips imprinted on your mind. You weren’t naive however, you knew you’d never have a shot with the High Lord. He was sophisticated and powerful and you were just an average person. He interacted with as many of his citizens as possible, making sure the needs of everyone in his court were met. You were just another one of his people.

The bell above the door rang and you knew without looking it was him. Rhys just had a presence about him, something you could always sense. “Coming!” You shouted, grabbing a bandage for your still bleeding finger.

“Hey!” You greeted him as you stepped around the front counter. He looked at your finger with furrowed brows, a silent question.

“Ah” you said, raising your hand, “battle wound.” You grinned as he chuckled.

“As long as you didn’t get any blood on my starfall suit.” He winked.

“Of course not, my lord” you teased and he rolled his eyes. He hated being addressed by anything but ‘Rhys’.

“You ready?” He asked, turning toward the door.

“Almost,” you leaned back over the counter, “Marielle!!” The young girl came around the corner, he auburn curls bouncing as she walked.

“Yes, Y/N?” She asked before her gaze landed on Rhys, eyes widening as she dropped into a bow “My lord.” She greeted, reverence lacing her voice.

“For the millionth time Marielle, Rhys is fine” the High Lord said as the girl rose from her bow, cheeks stained pink. “And bowing is never necessary.” He shot her a wink and her face deepened to an even rosier color.

You smiled at her, she was always a mess in front of Rhys, but she was a great apprentice, hard-working and caring.

“We’re headed to lunch,” you told her, “I’ll be back in an hour.”

The girl nodded and you turned to head out the door with Rhys.

You strolled through the city streets, chatting about your week, how many new orders you’d received and how well Marielle was doing. Rhys was incredibly easy to talk to. He always knew how to make you laugh and make you feel at ease. In the last year he’d become your absolute best friend.

Rhys led you to a cafe by the Sidra, the hostess immediately sat you, recognizing the High Lord right away, leading you to a table on the patio.

Lunch went by quickly, the two of you slipping into easy conversation, splitting your dishes so you could both try something new.

Stomach feeling full, you sat sipping your lemonade, watching the way the sun glistened on the Sidra.

“So,” Rhys began as you turned to face him, “I’ll actually need you to make one more dress for starfall.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, it was less than a week until the holiday and you were already making an outfit for every member of the inner circle.

“You’re putting me on a time crunch, but sure.” You joked, “I just need to know what kind of silhouette to design and I’ll need to get measurements.”

“Oh you already have their measurements I’m sure.” Rhys said with that smirk of his, “the dress is for you.”

“Me?” You were completely taken aback. You had no starfall plans, let alone any that would require such a dress.

“I’d like to invite you to starfall at the house of wind.” He said with a gentle smile.

“Oh, Rhys, that’s really not necessary.” You replied, fidgeting nervously with your napkin.

“Y/N,” he said, grabbing your hands, “I want you there.”

You looked into his violet eyes and the vulnerability there made your breath catch in your chest. He was so devastatingly gorgeous, his tan skin and dark hair perfectly framing his face. You found your eyes dipping to his lips, wondering what they tasted like.

The waitress came to clear the table and the spell was broken, Rhys released your hands and sat back, clearing his throat.

“I’ll come to pick up around 7, we’ll have dinner beforehand.” He said as he stood from the table.

You opened your mouth to protest when he cut you off, “I’m not taking no for an answer, so make yourself something nice to wear or I’ll bring you in your pajamas.” He smirked at your sigh of defeat.

You spent the rest of the afternoon finishing the silver embroidery on Rhys’s starfall jacket while thinking of what you were going to make for yourself.

You had an idea of what style you’d like, but weren’t sure what color to go with.

“You should make it in silver! That way you’d match with the High Lord.” Marielle said dreamily as she looked over your sketch.

“Do you think that would be appropriate?” You asked the girl as you finished the last swirl on the jacket’s lapel.

“Of course!” She exclaimed, “he asked you to come! You’re his date!”

“I don’t think it’s like that Marielle, we’ve just become good friends this year is all.”

“Sureee” the girl said, wiggling her eyebrows. You rolled your eyes at her and hung up the suit jacket. You walked to the back room, fingers trailing over the bolts of fabric lining the walls. Your eyes caught on a swath of silver in the back corner, it was light and smooth with just enough sparkle, it’d be perfect for the gown you’d designed. “Oh what the hell” you said, grabbing the bolt, it wasn’t every day you got to spend a holiday with the High Lord and his family, might as well go all out.

The night of starfall came quickly, and before you knew it, you were staring at yourself in the mirror of your apartment above the shop, wondering how you got yourself into this. The dress had turned out beautifully, just as you’d wanted. The top was cut low, the V ending just under your bust, where the skirt cinched together before flowing to the ground, a slit cut on the left side giving it plenty of movement to match the flowing sleeves of the bodice. It was gorgeous, some of your best work. You’d pinned your hair up, leaving only a few pieces to frame your face, and lined your eyes with kohl, a hint of silver glitter on your eyelids. You really looked lovely if you let yourself admit it.

You sensed Rhys outside just before he knocked and made your way down the stairs.

When you opened the door, you took a moment to admire him. He was stunning in the suit you’d made. It was his signature black, with hints of iridescent silver lining the cuffs and swirling across the lapels of his jacket.

You made yourself pull your eyes to meet his, and found him appraising you as well.

You blushed under his stare, feeling suddenly very exposed.

“Y/N,” he breathed, “You look… breathtaking.” You smiled and took his hand, stepping into the night with him as he smiled that dazzling smile of his.

You moved closer to him and he winnowed you to a balcony overlooking Velaris.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful.” You said, looking out over the city with its twinkling lights, the Sidra curving through, shining in the dying sun.

“Welcome to the House of Wind.” Rhys said as you turned your attention to him. “Dinner will start soon, and everyone is eager to meet you.”

“Right.” You said, smoothing out your dress and taking a deep breath.

“Oh,” Rhys said, taking your hand, “one more thing before we go in. My family thinks we’re dating.”

You nearly choked out “what??” Your wide eyes swinging to his amused ones.

He shrugged “they think we’re dating.”

“Why on earth would they think that Rhysand??” You asked, baffled.

“Well, we do spend a lot of time together,” he smirked, “they just assumed and well, I never corrected them.”

“What? Why not? Did you want them to think that?” You questioned him, heartbeat speeding up at the implication that you and the High Lord were more than friends.

“Maybe.” He stepped closer to you, “maybe I want us to be.”

You couldn’t speak, his words and proximity all but overwhelming you.

“I care about you, Y/N, deeply. And…. And I’d like to be more than friends. If you’ll have me.”

“Rhys,” you breathed, staring into those violet eyes, “nothing would make me happier.”

The High Lord broke into a grin, pulling you closer and pressing his lips against your own. You barely had time to process before a whoop cut through the air. You pulled back and looked at the door where Cassian stood, grinning like an idiot.

“Mor!” He shouted into the open door behind him, “you owe me! They didn’t even make it 5 minutes!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, looking up at the High Lord of the Night Court, your now more-than-friend.

Taglist

@kayla26 @augustinerose @strawbwebbie @judig92 @bankerfrog @meritxellao

@amdiriel @kristalhi @everyonehatescarmen @reareaikea @nothxney @toothhurtyam @goldentournesol

#a court of thorns and roses #acotar #witchybitchy222 #mine #send me asks #rhysand #rhys acotar #rhysand x reader

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fall-or-fly · 28 days

Note

“ The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ” Rin for Lucifer

@oleandernights

Assassination attempts? Just who was this Nephil that he'd be such a target? It gave the Morningstar a feeling of disquiet.

"You shouldn't have had to gain those traits that way" the words are stern but gentle in tone. "But I digress...why would you be under such threat to begin with?"

#starfall[lucifer interaction]#in which my Lucifer cannot help but 'dad' at all the troubled teenagers he meets

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starsreminisce · 3 months

Text

SJM Romance Week Day One First Date

Elain took a deep breath, attempting to focus on the breakfast spread before her. She scooped up a spoonful of fruit, trying to quell the fluttering butterflies in her stomach, but her efforts were futile.

She regretted teasing Lucien by jokingly asking if their outing to the Day Court was a date. What had possessed her to say such a thing, and with such bashfulness that bordered on flirtation? Yet, the mere sight of his half-smirk, a telltale sign that he was up to mischief, was enough to set her heart racing and her cheeks flushing pink.

It had only been a few weeks since they had found themselves engaged in conversation during the Starfall Ball. It felt as though fate had drawn them together, and Elain, lonely for stimulating company, couldn't bring herself to leave his side. From the moment their eyes met, she knew she was captivated.

"I find it fascinating that we, as fae, have our holidays while humans seem to revel in celebrations just for the sake of it," Lucien remarked, his tone casual.

"We weren't privy to your holidays," Elain replied, her stomach knotting with nerves.

"You don't have anything akin to Nynsar or Starfall?" another member of their circle inquired.

Elain smiled faintly, shaking her head. "No, we're not familiar with those."

"I wouldn't expect much from humans," the individual remarked dismissively.

Elain's jaw clenched, but before she could respond diplomatically, Lucien interjected.

"Which perhaps lends more significance to their celebrations," he remarked, his russet eye flashing with intensity. "We celebrate out of obligation, while humans celebrate purely for joy."

"Don't underestimate humans' capacity for using obligation as an excuse for revelry," Elain retorted, meeting his gaze head-on.

A glint danced in Lucien's eyes, a soft hum emanating from his mechanical one. "And yet, their celebrations are undoubtedly more enjoyable than this dull affair."

Elain found herself laughing, unable to stifle the sound as it bubbled up. "And how do you imagine they would celebrate?"

With a smirk, Lucien glanced around conspiratorially. "I imagine the Cavendishes would host a grand ball, much to the chagrin of the Raleighs."

Elain's laughter rang out louder, and she covered her mouth, aware of the two families' longstanding rivalry. As others in the group inquired about the families, Lucien looked to Elain for confirmation, and she eagerly supplied details, finding herself drawn into conversation. Lucien eventually excused himself, passing by Elain with a whispered tease about the upcoming nuptials between Celeste Cavendish and Ambrose Raleigh.

Hooked on his words, Elain seized his wrist, demanding more information. Lucien winked at her mischievously before slipping away.

In the following weeks, their interactions became habitual. Elain would wait for Lucien before his meetings with Rhys, and he would regale her with gossip and stories. Their conversations evolved, delving into personal matters and offering advice on family disputes.

When Lucien mentioned that he wouldn't be meeting with Rhys as usual, Elain couldn't hide her disappointment. She expressed her desire to attend the Day Court, prompting Lucien to offer her company.

"Is this your way of asking for a date?" she teased, her heart racing at the thought.

"Do you want it to be one?" Lucien replied, his smirk sending shivers down her spine.

She felt her pulse quicken, her cheeks flushing. "No, I'm just tired of being cooped up here."

"Then let me remedy that," Lucien's voice lowered, a hint of seduction lacing his words, causing her breath to catch.

And so, she found herself here, getting ready under the guise to roam around Velaris. Feyre was at work in her studio and Rhysand would be overseeing some project in the Illyrian mountains. She paced to calm her nerves but it still did little. She could feel the bond between her and Lucien tighten and stepped outside to greet him… and the pegasus he was stroking the neck.

As Elain approached, her heart leapt at the sight of the majestic pegasus, its wings spread wide as if embracing the sky. "Lucien," she breathed, her voice filled with awe.

The pegasus turned its head towards her, its large, intelligent eyes meeting hers with a knowing gaze. Elain couldn't help but squeal in delight as the horse nuzzled her hand, its warmth and presence grounding her nerves.

"Helion does have a flair for the dramatic," Lucien remarked with a snort, his gaze fond as he stroked the pegasus's neck. "You can imagine my surprise when she showed up at my apartment."

Elain turned to Lucien, surprised by his revelation. "You now reside in Velaris?" she inquired, curious.

"Not entirely," Lucien replied cryptically, evading her question with a small smile.

With a gentle hand, Lucien guided Elain closer to the pegasus. "Here, let me help you up," he offered, his voice warm and reassuring.

As Elain stepped closer, Lucien's strong arms encircled her waist, lifting her effortlessly onto the horse's back. She felt a rush of excitement mingled with a sense of security as she settled into the saddle, her pulse quickening at the proximity of Lucien behind her.

With practiced ease, Lucien swung himself up behind her, settling himself comfortably against her back. Despite the chill of the air around them, Elain felt a comforting warmth radiating from his body, enveloping her in a cocoon of safety and reassurance.

"You sounded so excited," Lucien commented softly, his breath warm against her ear. "It's infectious."

Elain couldn't suppress the smile that tugged at her lips, her heart fluttering at his words. With Lucien behind her and the pegasus beneath them, she felt a sense of exhilaration and anticipation coursing through her veins as they prepared to take flight.

A gentle nudge from Lucien, the pegasus spread its wings and leaped gracefully into the air. Elain's laughter rang out joyfully as the wind rushed past them, the city of Velaris shrinking below them as they soared higher and higher.

With an equally graceful descent, the pegasus touched down in the courtyard of the Day Court, and Lucien helped Elain dismount, his touch lingering for a moment longer than necessary. As they stood together, facing the magnificent structure before them, Elain felt a sense of wonder and anticipation for the adventures that awaited them within the halls of the Day Court.

But their excitement was abruptly interrupted by the arrival of a striking woman adorned in the traditional Day Court attire, her kohl-rimmed eyes flashing with impatience.

“Lord Helion is unable to see you today,” the woman stated sternly, her tone leaving no room for argument.

Lucien's expression remained indifferent. “And yet he sends me his pegasus to meet him,” he remarked dryly.

The woman's demeanor softened slightly, though she still appeared unimpressed. “Lord Helion sends his regrets, but you two are free to wander wherever you please,” she replied before turning on her heel and departing.

As the woman disappeared into the bustling courtyard, Elain couldn't help but suppress a coy smile. “If you wanted to ask me on a date, you don’t need all the false pretense,” she teased.

Lucien chuckled, his eyes dancing with amusement. “You caught me.”

Elain turned to face the vibrant scenery around them, the sun casting a warm glow over the Day Court. The sea sparkled in the distance, its waves crashing against the shore with a soothing rhythm.

“Since Helion can be a bit of a busybody,” Lucien shrugged, “want to see where I hide from him?”

Without waiting for a response, he hooked his arm through Elain's, and with a graceful twist, they vanished into thin air, reappearing amidst a stunning flower garden. As Elain's gaze wandered across the garden, she marveled at the intricate kaleidoscope of colors and scents that surrounded them. Delicate roses intertwined with exotic orchids, their petals shimmering in the dappled sunlight. Towering sunflowers stood proudly alongside delicate lilies, their golden hues contrasting with the soft pastels of the surrounding blooms.

"It's like a symphony of flowers," Elain breathed, her voice filled with wonder.

Lucien nodded, his eyes alight with pride. "Found this in my youth," he explained. "I believe it was a gift from the then High Lord to his mate."

Elain's gaze softened with understanding as she took in the significance of the garden. "It's a beautiful tribute," she murmured.

"It's different than the Spring Court," Elain observed, her eyes scanning the garden once more. "There seems to be flowers from all parts of the world."

"Indeed," Lucien agreed, gesturing towards a particularly exotic bloom with a flourish. "Spring is wonderful, but it's only limited to the flowers of that season. Here, you'll find blooms from every corner, brought together in harmony."

The air was alive with the hum of bees and the soft rustle of leaves, and a gentle breeze carried the sweet scent of blossoms, enveloping them in a cocoon of tranquility. Sunlight filtered through the lush foliage, casting dappled patterns of light and shadow on the ground below.

Elain felt a sense of peace wash over her as she wandered through the garden, her fingers trailing lightly over the velvety petals of a nearby rose. It was as if time had slowed to a standstill, allowing her to savor every moment in this enchanting sanctuary with Lucien by her side.

As they wandered through the garden, they marveled at each new discovery, losing themselves in the beauty of nature. They walked for hours, their conversation flowing effortlessly as they shared stories and laughter beneath the canopy of blossoms.

Finally, they came upon a majestic tree, its branches spread wide in a welcoming embrace. Beneath its shade, a picnic awaited them, laid out with an array of delicious treats and refreshing drinks.

“Did you plan for this too?” Elain nudged at him, a playful glint in her eyes.

Lucien pursed his lips, a faint smile playing at the corners. “I told you Helion can be a bit of a busybody.”

With a graceful gesture, Lucien invited Elain to take a seat, his eyes soft with affection as he poured her a glass of chilled wine. As they shared their meal amidst the fragrant blooms and dappled sunlight, Elain couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment wash over her. In this magical garden, with Lucien by her side, she felt as though she had found a piece of paradise.

As hours slipped by, they talked and laughed, basking in each other's company as they watched the sun dip below the horizon. Eventually, as the sky began to darken, Elain turned to him with a curious expression.

“Now what?” she asked, her tone filled with anticipation.

Lucien raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I take you to the river house?”

“That’s it?” Elain replied, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

Lucien hummed thoughtfully. “Well, there is one other place I can take you.”

With a gentle squeeze of her hand, Lucien winnowed them away to a small Summer Court city bustling with life. Stalls adorned with colorful banners offered an array of tantalizing foods, the air filled with the mouthwatering scent of grilled meats and freshly baked pastries. A warm summer breeze carried the salty tang of the nearby sea, adding to the festive atmosphere.

“What is all of this?” she asked, her voice tinged with excitement.

Lucien chuckled, his arm wrapped around her waist as he guided her through the bustling crowds. “Welcome to a nighttime festival in the Summer Court,” he explained. “It's a celebration of music, food, and merriment that lasts well into the early hours.”

Elain's eyes widened in wonder as she took in the sights and sounds around her, her curiosity piqued by the unfamiliar surroundings. She felt a thrill of excitement coursing through her veins as she and Lucien wandered from stall to stall. Elain couldn't resist stealing bites of Lucien's food as they went, her laughter mingling with the bustling energy of the crowd. However, Lucien made no attempt to take any of hers, his attention solely focused on her.

In the distance, a towering structure loomed against the night sky, its intricate design illuminated by twinkling lights. Elain's gaze was drawn to it, her curiosity piqued by its imposing presence. "What's that?" she asked, pointing towards the structure.

Lucien followed her gaze, a fond smile tugging at his lips. "That's a ferris wheel," he explained, his tone tinged with nostalgia. "It's a ride that offers a breathtaking view of the city from above."

Elain's eyes sparkled with excitement as she beheld the towering ferris wheel. Eager to experience this new adventure, she turned to Lucien with a radiant smile.

"Thank you for bringing me here," she said, her voice filled with gratitude and anticipation.

With a nod of agreement, Lucien led her towards the ferris wheel, their hands intertwined as they joined the queue. As they ascended into the night sky, Elain couldn't help but feel a sense of exhilaration wash over her. The world seemed to shrink beneath them as they reached the pinnacle, the city spread out below like a glittering tapestry.

As they descended back to earth, Elain turned to Lucien, her heart full with gratitude for the magical evening they had shared.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice soft with emotion.

Lucien smiled warmly, his eyes reflecting the glow of the city lights. "It was my pleasure," he replied, his gaze tender as he brushed a stray lock of hair from her face.

Feeling emboldened by the magic of the night, Elain leaned in and pressed her lips to Lucien's, a gentle yet electric kiss that spoke volumes of the unspoken feelings between them. As they parted, a dazzling display of fireworks burst into the sky, casting an ethereal glow over their intertwined figures.

Lucien took Elain's hand, his touch sending a shiver down her spine as he led her to a secluded spot high above the bustling city. There, amidst the tranquil stillness, they watched in awe as the fireworks painted the night sky with bursts of color and light, each explosion igniting a fire within them that burned brighter with each passing moment.

Wrapped in each other's arms, they shared stolen glances and lingering touches, the air thicken with anticipation. With every beat of their hearts, the tension between them grew, a palpable energy that crackled in the air like static electricity.

As the final bursts of color dissolved into the night's canvas, leaving behind trails of fleeting beauty, Elain turned to Lucien with a gaze filled with longing. The air was charged, every heartbeat echoing in the silence that enveloped them. Without a word, she leaned in, her movements graceful yet urgent, her lips seeking his with a hunger that mirrored his own.

Their kiss was a symphony of passion and desire, a dance of lips and tongues that ignited a firestorm of emotions within them. In that moment, time seemed to stand still, the world fading away until there was only the two of them, lost in the intensity of their connection.

They clung to each other, their bodies pressed together as if trying to merge into one, each touch sending sparks of electricity coursing through their veins. The night air was filled with the soft sound of their mingled breaths, the gentle rustle of fabric as they held each other close.

And as they finally pulled away, their lips swollen and tingling with the remnants of their kiss, they were left breathless and wanting more. The weight of their unspoken desires hung heavy in the air, a promise of things to come as they stood together beneath the canopy of stars, their hearts beating as one in the magic of the night.

"Now what?" she whispered, her voice barely audible over the pounding of her heart.

Lucien's gaze burned with intensity as he met her eyes. "I take you home," he replied, his voice husky with desire.

"To that apartment you have in Velaris?" Elain teased, a playful smirk tugging at her lips.

"I didn't think you were that kind of female," Lucien chuckled, his tone laced with amusement.

Elain's laughter mingled with the soft hum of the night air. "I would figure being your mate would come with some sort of privilege," she teased back, her eyes dancing with mischief.

"Elain," Lucien said, his half-smirk sending a jolt of anticipation through her veins. "Would you like to come to my apartment for some … tea?"

"Yes," Elain breathed, her heart pounding in her chest. "I'd love that."

With a shared smile that spoke volumes of the unspoken promises and desires between them, they made their way back to the city, their steps light with anticipation for the moments yet to come.

#elucien #pro elucien #elain x lucien #elucien fanfic #sjm romance week #sjmromanceweek2024

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redbleedingrose · 1 year

Text

Always ~ Part 7

Azriel x Reader

Summary: You and Azriel have been best friends for years after you joined the inner circle as the top healer in Velaris. But with Elain and Nesta’s recent arrival, Azriel has begun to ignore your friendship in favor of being together with Elain. You are heartbroken, and it is Starfall where you will be confined in the house of wind with Azriel and Elain. Everything will be okay though… right?

Epilogue

A/N: Hello my lovely readers! Happy Friday! I want to start with apologizing for the wait that part 7 took, but it is the last part of this fic and I wanted it to be good and long. I was also struggling with some minor writers block and I had finals happening at the same time. I stayed up all night trying to write this out, so I hope that you all love this part. I also wanted to mention I will be having an epilogue posted sometime this weekend for Always as well as an Eris x Reader oneshot. As always, please leave a like, comment, and reblog. I love to hear your guys thoughts and the interaction always makes my fucking day.

Azriel’s grip on your fingers tightened, almost cutting off the circulation, as though he was frightened you would winnow away at any moment if he let go. His shadows were swarming around you both, enclosing you into darkness with only flickers of light from the hearth bleeding through, panicked from the entire aspect of you leaving him for good. He paused, listening to your breath mix with his, trying to formulate the words that he wanted to use to plead his case, to explain everything. To explain the pain he had caused you, to explain why he had hidden the mating bond that had snapped itself into place so long ago for him, to explain his friendship (if you could even call it that) with Elain, to explain why he had distanced himself from you.

That is what hurt the most. The fact that he distanced himself. It made every muscle in your body ache, every doubt and worry flooded itself into the striations of the cells that make up your heart. After all this time, after everything you had been together, it was the thing you least expected coming out of him. For years, even before under the mountain, you had prayed that the precious bond would snap into place. And when the fifty years of pure despair happened, the thought of seeing Azriel once more was the only thing that kept you going most days. But he had known. He had known about the mating bond. He had held feelings for you before all of this. He had known since before Amarantha even. And yet, he never said anything. Not a single word. Not even a tiny whisper.

“A little bit before Under the Mountain.” What the fuck did that even mean? How long had he hidden his feelings, if he even had any. Why didn’t he tell you then, and why didn’t he tell you after being away from him for fifty years without any contact? Had that lost time meant nothing to him? Had he even missed you while you were gone, suffering under Amarantha’s reign while the rest of the inner circle was allowed the peace of Velaris. In all honesty, you had felt cheated. Cheated out of what was supposed to be a beautiful moment between two best friends who had fallen in love. Cheated out of what life could have been, if only Az had told you. If only the bond had snapped into place for you at first, before him.

It was as though the spymaster picked up on your thoughts, the perceptive male he was, and tugged on the bond, trying to send all of his love and devotion down the tight golden string that held you both together as the shock of this night was starting to wear off leaving only confusion and hurt in its wake. His eyes, once more, locked onto yours, glinting with determination and truth, as he straightened his back and rustled his wings into a taut position. This would be the moment of truth, both of you knew that. Both of you were aware of the gravity of the situation. And you knew, somewhere deep inside you, that both of you wanted to walk away from this unharmed. But you also knew, you weren’t sure if Az could pull it off.

Despite all the pain Az had caused in a short time, your feelings for him were stronger. The moments where he would take care of you when you were sick. The moments when he would hold you when you were upset for some reason, any reason, and would whisper words of affirmation. The moments where you two would get drunk and spend the entire night gossiping about the inner circle and giggling at each other, with each other. The moments where you would stay up late into the night and read to each other. The moments you would almost set the house of wind on fire because of your efforts to bake together. The moments where you would comfort him and kiss his hands to reassure him that he was worthy of every good thing that has ever happened to him and every good thing that will ever happen to him. The little moments. The big moments. Any moment you shared before any of this still meant something, everything, to you. And you whole-heartedly believed they meant something to him too.

Azriel sent another tug at the bond before he began, “Do you remember when we first met?” He didn’t give you the chance to respond, smiling softly before continuing, “Rhys was practically forcing Cass and I to Windhaven; we had heard rumors that Devlon was planning a mass wing-clipping of the female babes at the camp, and we couldn’t let that happen. I was dreading it, Gods, I mean I was furious and was ready to rip off Devlons head. But we were dreading that we might’ve been too late. That we would walk into the massacre, and those female babes would suffer for the rest of their lives. As soon as Rhysand had informed us of our mission, Cass and I had left, flying as fast as we could to try to warn anyone who was willing to listen. Rhys had promised to come with something, or rather, someone for reinforcements, I suppose. And that was you. And you fucking stole my breath away when Rhys landed, carrying you in his arms. I had never seen someone as stunning as you.” He chuckled, clearly returning to the memory as his eyes glazed over, “Cass nearly knocked me over with a slight punch in the arm because I was so distracted by you. I was trying to commit every part of you to memory, and then Rhys told us you were there to heal any babe if our efforts weren’t to be a success, a preemptive measure he said. Cassian tried to impress you with his smooth talking, and you took it in stride and flirted right back, clearly unbothered. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say to you. I was so anxious that I would say the wrong thing, so I just kept staring at you, and you didn’t say one word to me, Y/N. You just looked at me, eyes shining like the moon on winter solstice, and nodded in greeting before moving onto preparing for whatever was to come. You didn’t say one word, but you didn’t need to. I knew I was completely and utterly fucked, and I think Cass and Rhys knew too. They teased me for fucking hours.”

You couldn’t help but cackle at the memory, humor seeping into you, slightly dissolving a small bit of the pain. Of course Cassian and Rhys had teased Az. The busybodies had nothing better to do with their time. You remembered every moment of that day. You had met Rhys prior in an off-chance encounter. At the time, the high lord was settling into his new role and would spend his nights walking the streets of Velaris thinking of his responsibilities, the loss of his mother and sister still fresh, and the darkness that was slowly creeping over Prythian. He had come across you stumbling, drunk beyond belief after an extremely difficult and long day, and helped you sit down in a cafe near the sidra and bought you a coffee to help you sober up before he would walk you home. All your inhibitions were lowered and you hadn’t recognized the high lord, and so, while you sipped away at the sweetened mocha latte, you rambled about your day healing the most complex patients you had seen yet. And Rhys had been too kind, too patient, and was looking for anything to take his mind off his duties, and thus, had spent the entire night listening to you. It was only when the sun was beginning to rise that you became sober and aware of who you were speaking to; you had been so embarrassed, that even when you think about it now, your pointed ears flush at the tips. Rhys had only chuckled and waved off your embarrassment as you tried to apologize profusely before scrambling away, without a goodbye, citing that you needed to return to the clinic to prepare before it opened. That night, that conversation, had been enough for Rhysand to drop by your clinic every once and a while to take you out for coffee and to listen to the complexities of your job, becoming one of your best friends in the process.

One morning, before you had opened the doors to the clinic, Rhysand had winnowed in. He expressed his concern about the plots for the mass-clipping, describing the situation as quickly as he could, as the situation could have become dire at any moment. You hadn’t hesitated, urgently grabbing any supplies you would need to help the female babes in case anything were to happen, and practically yanked Rhys outside so he could fly you both out there. Meeting Cassian and Azriel had been as expected; the high lord outlined their personalities well during your conversations over lattes, and sometimes wine even, and had told you mid-flight that you would be in their presence. He also informed you the spymaster was to not leave your side as Devlon might plot to take out any and all healers in the region to prevent any sort of wing-saving measures.

When you landed, you were blown away by Azriels beauty, the rumors across Velaris of his darkness, his hazel eyes, his windswept hair, the cool look of indifference that was usually plastered across his face, had not done him justice. Nothing had ended up happening that night, Devlon’s plans had been unfoiled by the illyrian brothers, but by no means was the night considered wasteful. That night, you impressed all three males with your experiences and storytelling, and despite Az not saying a word to you that night as he analyzed you from a distance, the two of you had become attached at the hip once you returned to Velaris.

He drew you from your thoughts, “I knew that I couldn’t let you go. That first night, I didn’t get a wink of sleep because my thoughts kept drifting off to you, and my heart ached knowing that we wouldn’t have a lot of time together in Windhaven. And then we returned to Valeris, and I thought maybe because I wouldn’t be seeing you, that I wouldn’t be consumed by you. But then it became me thinking of you when I woke up, thinking of you when I went to bed, thinking of you in my dreams, thinking of you when I needed to work, thinking of you during meetings, to thinking of you at every moment of every day.

And I couldn’t hold back anymore, and so after a week of not seeing you, I decided I would stop by your clinic every day and ask if you needed anything to try and get you to talk to me, acknowledge me, even if it were a couple of seconds. And you would always be kind and smile so softly, in a way I didn’t deserve, and thank me for my efforts. And then it slowly turned into walking you home from work, to going out for drinks after work, to grabbing lunch from nearby food carts, to going shopping together for Mother knows what. And I was fucking hooked, dove, I couldn’t get enough of you. Mother knows, I tried to hold back, because I don’t deserve you. Not after everything I have done. Not after everything these hands have done,” Azriel paused, eyes filling with disgust as he shifted, staring down at his marred hands that had continued to grip onto yours. His hold loosened, as if he didn’t want to dirty your hands with whatever he did for his job in protecting the night court. But you didn’t let him let go completely, intertwining your fingers with his tighter, squeezing at the knuckles, a habit that you had picked up in the years of your friendship in an effort to urge him to stay and carry on with his explanation.

“Any time Rhys would send me on a mission for a period of time, I would feel sick to my stomach the entire time I was away and the feeling was only soothed when I would return and find you asleep in the comfort of your own home. And that's how it continued. Because having you in any capacity, whether it was just acquaintances or friends or best friends should have been enough. But Gods Y/N, it wasn’t. You deserve someone who is good, just like you. Someone who helps heal people, someone who is perfect in every way just like you. Someone who isn’t me, someone who isn’t riddled with self loathing and despair. But if I am one thing, it is that I am fucking selfish male. For years, I held myself back from becoming anything more than best friends. But then two years before Amarantha, on the winter solstice, the bond fucking snapped. I don’t know if you remember anything about that night, but I remember every moment.” He peaked up at you through his eyelashes as he paused, his pink tongue poking out to lick at his dry lips. You had been incredibly drunk that night, drinking the expensive wines of the high lord with the rest of the inner circle as you played group games before opening up presents, high on the fact that everything had been at peace. There had been no problems with the Illyrian war camps shockingly, the patients who you had been looking after for the most part were thriving, there was a peace over Velaris and Prythian.

“You were wearing this silk fitted blue gown that stopped right at your knees and was sleeveless, one that matched the color of my siphons. Mother fucking above Dove, I nearly dropped to my knees when you walked in with your cheeks flushed and eyes shining so bright, I thought Rhys had plucked the stars from the sky and placed them into your irises. And then you looked around the room, and when we caught eyes, you smiled so hard and I was the first person you came to. Me. Not Rhys or Cassian or Morr or Amren or whoever else was there. You walked over to me, and you hugged me so tight and whispered ‘Happy Solstice Az,’ and I couldn’t breathe. You literally stole my breath away, the breathtaking lady you are. I clung to you the entire night, and you- you let me…

I didn’t want to spend a single second away from you, we sat together the whole night, drinking whatever wine Morr would pull out from the cellar and whispered about anything and everything that came to mind. And then we were pulled into playing games, and we first played mafia which we won together, and then charades where we were partners and nearly beat Cass and Morr even though they were absolutely fucking cheating, and then we all exchanged gifts and I didn’t have any from you in my pile. I thought you hadn’t gotten me anything and my heart nearly shattered, but I hated myself because I knew I was wrong to be upset. Because you deserve better than what I could ever offer you. When you opened my gift and gasped, I was so fucking nervous, I couldn’t help but second guess if it had been an appropriate gift to give you.”

“A gold locket,” you blurted out. You remembered your heart beating so fast when he had handed you your gift, silently watching your reaction as he leaned back into the couch and drank from his bottle. You shakily unwrapped the box, trying to save every piece of paper that had been delicately placed to cover it. The locket was the most beautiful gift you had ever received to date. It had a constellation carved into the front, and on the inside had poetry written in some ancient language with Illyrian roots that the shadowsinger had refused to translate for you, even to this day. But you wore it. Morning, noon, and night like clock work you would wear it. In fact, you rarely took it off, feeling panicked any time you couldn’t feel the cool metal resting against the warm skin of your collar. When you had been stuck under the mountain, you had hidden it within your shoe because you feared it would be taken. And it had been the only real connection that you had to Az at the time. You often held it in your fist on the night that insomnia racked you, the small object bringing you comfort in ways you could never elaborate on. And you still wear it to this day, even right now, you can feel the necklace grow heavy on you.

“That night, when everyone had passed out from drinking, you and I stayed up. And we sat out on the balcony on the swing and just enjoyed each other's presence. And you leaned your head against my shoulder and I almost blurted it out in the moment how I felt about you, I didn’t want to hold back anymore, no matter how selfish I was going to be. I wanted, no I needed you. You shifted away for a second, and pulled something out of your pocket before silently handing it to me. I remember staring at the little box for a couple of minutes. My mind had gone completely blank from the disbelief that you had indeed gotten me something… I was so confused when it turned out to be this lotion that smelled heavily like lavender, and you picked up on that even though you were almost asleep, and you mumbled out, ‘It is a balm I made for your hands from herbs in the garden. It has a cooling sensation whenever you apply it, and is supposed to help with falling asleep.’ and the cap had inscribed, To keep the nightmares at bay, may you only find peace in your dreams. -Always yours, Y/N

Mother fucking above, in that moment, I fell in love with you all over and that was the moment. I felt the bond fucking snap. And I was so fucking elated, and when I turned my head to look down at you, you had passed out. And I waited for hours, holding you close, trying to calm my nerves and slow down my heart because I thought I would go into cardiac arrest. And in those hours, I thought about telling you. I thought about how fucking happy I was that you were mine, because from the moment I met you, I was yours. And there was just nothing to do about that. Fear and anxiety started to creep in as the sun rose, at this point we had both shifted to laying down, and I just held you to my chest, breathing you in, smelling your scent, watching you sleep so peacefully, and I couldn’t ruin that. I was and still am the spymaster of this court. I have done a lot of evil, things that are unspeakable, for the sake of protecting Velaris, for the sake of protecting this court. And that has brought me a lot of enemies, enemies that would gleen at the thought of you. At the thought of taking you away from me. Because if that were to ever happen, I think I would die Y/N. I couldn’t let any harm come to you. I couldn’t ruin your peace. I couldn’t ruin your happiness with my bullshit. And so I promised to myself and you that I would always protect you, I would never let anything happen to you, and I would try to be a better male. That way, you would be proud to have me as a mate. That way, you would never look back and having me as your mate.”

Grief pulled at your heart strings. All this time, lost. All the hurt and pain was for nothing. The image of Azriel sitting in front of you pausing in his explanation blurred from the burning tears that were making their way down your cheeks, connecting at the bottom of your chin, collecting before dropping onto the sheets beneath you. It was certainly no excuse for Azriel not telling you, but it was an explanation. You thought back to all the times the shadowsinger had expressed his hate towards himself, whispering his darkest thoughts to you in the middle of the night where no one else would hear, as he raised one of his hands that had been locked with yours, and allowed the pads of his fingers to run across your cheeks, brushing away your tears in the process.

You took a shuddering breath as he pressed his soft palm into your soft skin, his voice hoarse with sorrow, “I am sorry sweetheart. I cannot express enough how much I regret not telling you that very night. I regret not waking you up. I regret all the moments that came after that ever made you doubt our friendship, all the moments that ever made you feel like you were not deserving, all the moments that ever had the thought that I didn’t love you cross your mind. It is the biggest regret of my life, but I needed to protect you.”

A part of you understood his reasons, understood his fears. Azriel had hidden a lot of aspects of his work from you out of fear that you would one day find yourself horrified by his actions. But inevitably, you would hear the rumors that patients would speak and through that, you seemed to have a small idea of what types of methods Az would use to get the information he needed. You never held it against him. And you made sure he knew that any time he had the slightest hint of concern shown in his eyes. But Azriels issues with himself were not yours that you could solve, you could only help him bear the load. The rest, he would have to figure out on his own, with time and acceptance of the past and present. The fact that he tried to work on himself for you was no small feat. You rested your head against his hand, scooting closer to him, desperate to close the gap even though he hadn't finished. Desperate to get the comfort you usually felt whenever you were close to him. “Every day after that solstice, I tried to work up the courage to tell you. Every time I was around you. Every minute I wasn’t working, I was thinking about flying over and just telling you. But every time I worked up the courage and would find you, it would dissipate. Every fucking time. I would take one look at you and I would fear that the way you would see me would change, that the friendship that we shared would be ruined. I was fucking terrified of you not wanting me. Of you hating what fate had decided as your mate. And I was a fucking coward. I couldn’t take the risk of losing you… and just like that, two years had passed and Starfall was coming up. I had told Amren of my predicament and she-”

“Wait. Amren knew?” You were flabbergasted. Of all the people you had expected Az to confide in, she was not one. Rhys or Cassian, or even Morrigan. But not Amren. You were almost certain Azriel still didn’t trust Amren after all these years of her being a part of the inner circle.

“Yes dove, Amren. I knew she wouldn’t tell you before I had the chance. But I swear she almost tore my balls off for not telling you the night the bond snapped.” Azriel’s wings quivered at the thought, loosening from their tight positioning to snap together behind his spine. You snorted as you tried to imagine Azriel facing the tiny beast and speaking his deepest secret to her, only for her to threaten him with castration. He bumped his shoulder against yours, grinning softly at you finding humor in his story, “If I could continue please, I am not finished.” You raised an eyebrow lifting up your arm to gesture in front of you, “By all means shadowsinger.”

He cleared his throat at your approval, “We basically spent two months planning out this elaborate surprise for you, mainly me of course. But of course, Amren added her input where she saw fit. I was going to take you dress and jewelry shopping, then to dinner at our favorite restaurant where we would eat the first meal we shared together and drink our favorite wine, and then I would dance with you under the falling stars and I would whisper into your ear my love for you and I was going to ask you to marry me. About a week before Starfall, you and Rhys went on a mission,” your muscles spasmed. He was going to ask you to marry him? Dread filled you. You knew where this story was going to end. That Starfall never happened. Not for you and Rhys.

“A mission that neither you nor Rhys returned from. Gods Y/N. I felt it. I felt the moment when Rhys cut off any connection from all of us. I felt the wards of Velaris being put up into place, locking us in for fifty years to protect us from whatever had gotten you and Rhys.” He croaked out, “I felt our bond dulling Y/N. I thought you were fucking dying. I panicked. I threw myself at the wards, pleading to be let out. I- I tried coming for you. But you and Rhys were gone. Stuck. For fifty fucking years. None of us knew what was happening, only the rumors from refugees were available in terms of gathering information. Beyond that… I didn’t fucking know whether you were dead or alive. And if you were alive, I didn’t know what you were going through. It- Y/N. Y/N, it was the worst fifty years of my existence. Every day spent without you was like a thousand spears being shot into my wings and being pulled out. It- it felt like I was burning, not just my hands this time, but my entire body. I felt like I was burning alive for fifty years without any respite. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t move. I was fucking paralyzed. All I could do was wait.”

His grip on your fingers had gotten impossibly tight as he pulled you into his grasp, wrapping his arm that once laid on your cheek around your waist, pulling you flush against him. He buried his face into your hair, taking a deep inhale to allow your scent to calm him, as his body began shaking from quiet sobs. You could feel his hot tears landing on your scalp and you held him right to you, rubbing his spine between his wings in comfort with one hand and tangling your fingers into his hair with the other. You turned your head into his neck, allowing for your soft breaths to press kisses into the tattooed skin, shushing him with soft murmurs of “I am right here and I am not going anywhere ever again.” A promise that you had to repeat a number of times before he was able to calm down. This night had left you both emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. Whatever was to come in the next couple of hours, at least you could hinge on the fact that you both would probably pass out from exhaustion into a dreamless sleep. The cool wisps of Azriel’s shadows snaked around your arms, wrapping around you for the first time since he began telling you his side of the story, their presence offering you their silent support.

The next part of his story came out as whispers into your hair, your pointed ears straining to listen, “When Feyre killed Amarantha, everyone in Pyrthian felt the shift in power. The extra wards that had been placed around Velaris fell at once, and the connection between Rhys and the rest of us was suddenly humming. And I could feel you baby. I could feel you for the first time in fifty years after thinking you were dead. And I was on a fucking high. I was going to drop to my knees and tell you that we were mates the second you walked through the doors of the townhouse. I was fully prepared. But you didn’t come walking in. No. Rhys fucking carried you in, looking the most pale I had ever seen him. You weren’t moving. You were- Gods Y/N Morr immediately burst into tears and I could only stare and watch when she screamed out for Majda as everyone rushed to gather around you. You were so pale and you were skin on bones. There were bruises covering your body, you had a broken nose, and the skin around your eyes were swollen and blackened. The second Rhysand had set you down, I grabbed him by his shirt and pushed him into the wall screaming at him, screaming at him to tell me what had happened to you. Amarantha had ordered you to be beaten to death because you had been healing some of her victims under the mountain. Rhysand had gotten to you in the nick of time after Feyre killed Amarantha. He said he ripped off the heads of the soldiers who were trying to kill you. You were asleep for a fucking week, healing from all the physical trauma.”

When you woke up from your sleep, you had tried to be elated over the fact that you were back home in Valeris. But the events that occurred under the mountain had left you truly empty. At first, you hadn’t even been able to look anyone in the eyes except for Rhys. You hadn’t been able to speak, or eat, or sleep properly. You felt like an empty shell, and Rhysand was the only one who could possibly understand why. The bond that you two had grown under the mountain was as close to brother and sister as one could get without being biologically related. He had ensured your safety for the most part, and you were his rock when he had to suffer through Amarantha’s torture. You and him were the only ones to know what the other had truly gone through, and both of you had an unspoken agreement to not speak of the trauma to the others, despite the begging of Morr and Cassian. Azriel and Amren were the only ones who didn’t dare to ask, and now you were understanding why. Unconsciously, some part of Azriel had known what had happened to you. There was no need for him to ask. And maybe, probably, he didn’t want to know what happened. Maybe, probably, it was too much to bear to know what had happened all those years you had been stuck.

“You weren't okay dove. You weren’t okay for a while, and I couldn’t just drop this information on you like it meant nothing. I couldn’t drop this on you because if you didn’t want me in the form of a mate, I didn’t want you to feel like you had lost me completely. I didn’t want you to feel like you went under the mountain and came out without your best friend to be by your side. I just… I just wanted you to be okay. So I shoved all my feelings aside and I was there for you in the best way I knew how to be, I was your best friend. I picked up any of the pieces that were your heart and did my best to put it back together. And just when you were starting to get better, just when you were beginning to smile and laugh and talk and whisper to me and cuddle with me, it was made clear that Amarantha’s reign was only the start of what was going to be a long battle against Hybern.” Azriel scoffed at the end of his rant, clearly frustrated by how the timing of everything had worked out. Most of the inner circle had believed that under the mountain had been the worst thing that we had ever been through as a team, but fate had a funny way of throwing things into your face and telling you to deal with it.

When Rhysand had figured out Hyberns plot, he brought Feyre to the night court from spring. Your friendship with Feyre had blossomed under the mountain when you would sneak into her cell after Rhysand would leave, and would work on healing her. Speaking to her, stroking her hair as she would cry into your lap. You forget that she was only human when the fate of Pyrthian was placed on her shoulders. And her humanity was stolen from her as she died for the high lord of spring who had done nothing to help or protect her while she faced Amarantha. When you got to see her after months, she had been in similar shape as you, suffering from the trauma that Tamlin had brushed aside. You hated the high lord of spring for that, and made clear to Feyre that you were here for her and that you would help her in any way you could. Through that, you both helped each other get through the darkest parts of your lives. The war on Hybern was another source of trauma, not only inflicting the inner circle, but this time, including Feyre’s sisters.

When you had first met the two, you couldn’t help but hate the both of them. Letting their youngest sister go into the woods alone to hunt for their family, and treating her so poorly when she returned as a fae had bothered every member of the inner circle. But then Tamlin and Ianthe had dragged them to the cauldron and turned them fae against their will; their screams echoing in your nightmares. Nesta was still working through her trauma, continuing her training as a valkyrie and bettering her relationship with Cassian and the rest of the inner circle. She had definitely grown on you, asking you a little bit about the healing techniques that the valkyrie warriors used to use during battle. Elain had taken up gardening, and your feelings towards her had not changed. Her trauma does not excuse her from being held accountable from her past actions, no matter how merciful Feyre has been towards her sisters, you haven’t forgotten. And neither has Rhysand, though he tended to focus on his anger towards Nesta, partially because both are hot headed whereas Elain had proved to be very sensitive. The other reason you had been bothered greatly by her was obviously her affections towards Azriel, but beyond that, the way she disrespected Lucien at every turn had left you feeling extreme heartache for the male. The redhead was constantly turned away despite his best efforts, and at this point, it just felt like she was stringing him along with his hope that maybe she would warm to him. Your feelings towards Elain had only been amplified when Azriel had taken a liking to Elain, helping her through her trauma and essentially left you feeling gutted and alone. A feeling that the spymaster had been actively trying to avoid by not telling you about your mating bond. Your patience was wearing thin, you wanted Azriel to stop beating around the bush. Even if it would hurt, you needed to know what he had been thinking this whole time in regards to Elain.

“Cut to the chase, Azriel.” It came out sharper than you had intended, pulling away from him. This was it. The root of your problem with Az. The explanation that would be make or break for your relationship with him. The spymaster seemed to not want to break off the physical contact between you to despite you pulling away, he brought his hands down to yours, fingers playing with yours. He also picked up on what you were referring to, he had to have known. He had to have fucking known how much he was fucking hurting you. There is just no fucking way he didn’t. And did he fucking want her? A lump formed in your throat, creating a burning sensation that spread down to your heart as the thought made you sick. She was extremely beautiful and soft and gentle, and she was a lot different than you in terms of personality. None of these doubts or worries had truly been addressed by his ramblings. Even though they had given you a lot of context to why he had hidden the bond.

Before you could get lost in the feeling of doubt, Azriel gave a strong tug at the bond, sending down feelings of adoration and reassurance before rasping out, “Y/N, I want to start off with I am so sorry. So fucking sorry for how these past months have made you feel. How I made you feel. I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself. The next thing I want to say is that I have no feelings for Elain besides the platonic friendship. She means nothing to me, Y/N, not like that. I am sorry I did a piss-poor job showing it to you. I am sorry that the way I acted made you think differently. I- When I first met Feyre’s sisters, we, Cass and I, made this promise to them that no harm would befall them. And then they were drowned in the cauldron and turned to fae, and it was just this huge blow. Cassian especially I think because Nesta trusted him deeply to protect her, and he felt like he had failed. And I felt the same way. I felt the same fucking way with you Y/N. I had promised, sworn up and down and left and right that I would always protect you. It felt like… it felt like I had failed you once again. This time, through Elain, in this weird projection thing. I think in my head, when I looked at Elain, I was thinking of the you before Amarantha, and I just wanted to prevent anything from happening to her, because in the end, I wasn’t able to protect you. I failed you. I failed you when you went under the mountain, and again when we couldn’t protect Nesta and Elain. It felt like I failed you again. And then Feyre left to spy in spring court, and we were left to deal with the aftermath of Hybern. So Rhysand asked Cassian to look after Nesta and he asked for me to look after Elain. And I threw myself into it, because if I didn’t, then I would think about all the ways that I was and am an incompetent piece of shit mate. And in the process of trying to make sure Elain was okay, I unintentionally neglected you. Part of me just wanted to believe that you were okay, and you didn’t need me. Part of me wanted to believe that we were okay. That nothing had changed between us, and that once Elain was okay, we would figure things out between us with all the time in the world. That I would tell you of the mating bond, and you would accept it. That we would take our mating vows, and Rhysand would be the one officiating them because Cassian would fuck it up with his crying.”

You huffed out a laugh as sobs began to bubble from your throat, “I really needed you Az.”

Azriel had squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out the sounds of your sobs as if it were causing him physical pain. “I know Y/N. I am so fucking sorry. There isn’t any excuse,” his own sobs tearing their way through his throat. He swallowed once, twice, three times before opening his eyes to focus his hazel irises into yours. “I can only promise to never do this to you again. I want- no- I need you to understand, no I need you to know that it’s you. It has always been you. It will always be you. Always. I need you to believe me, sweetheart. And if you don’t…If you don’t, then let me show you. The right way. The proper way. And if by the end of it, you don’t want anything to do with me, then I promise you, I will leave you alone, even if it fucking breaks me. Because I just want you safe and happy and loved the way you deserve. That is all I have fucking ever wanted since the moment I met you.”

You pressed your lips together, nodding along at his promises. There wasn’t any excuse for how he had treated you. But there was an explanation. Azriel was taking responsibility, he was acknowledging his wrongs, and he was promising change. And after all this time of loving him, that was enough for now. “Az, I can’t accept the mating bond.” His entire body seized up, freezing, waiting for you to deliver the final blow where you would reject him and the bond. “Gods, Az, I want to. I have been in love with you for fucking years. But, I can’t accept it right now at least. I need to take things slow, and see the change first. I need to heal and I think you need to heal too. I need you to be my best fucking friend again. I need you to be there for me. I need you to love me.” Hope shone on his face, his lips quirking up into a soft smile as he huffed, a single tear streaking down his cheek. “How about this dove, how about we promise to each other that we will always love each other as best friends, that we will always put each other first, that we will heal each other, and that we will always come back to one another.” He held up his scarred pinky finger up to you, patiently waiting to see if you would grab on, giving you the option either way. At your hesitation, he whispered gently, “I promise Y/N.” A watery grin broke out across your face as you reached up to link your pinky with his, your own matching tear streaking down that he wiped away with his free hand, “I promise Azriel.”

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