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roseriot2191 · 8 months

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Entry 1/Introductions

hey!

so i really havent used tumblr before really so im not sure if this is the best place for what im doing but regardless im posting it here

~welcome to my blog~

the purpose is to document my life as a whole but its also my senior year so even more reason to record it!

this blog will be my safe space to spill anything, the good and the bad, of my upcoming life. in all honesty im not sure how well ill keep up with posts or how much effort ill end up putting into them but i will try to update at least once a week for sure.

ok so now onto me :)

hello again! im rose, i use he/they pronouns and i am 17. for anyone wonder, which i dont know why but i guess i can just state it to get it out of the way, im a cis queer guy. i use queer as my label because i very much dislike labels for myself lmao. im attracted to men way more often than not but if the right person for me isnt a guy the im not going to let gender/sex get in the way of love and im not sure pansexual really fits the way i feel. queerness ill say is a part of me but not something i identify with as much as i did in middle school. ill make a separate post about this perhaps. (ill mention that my name isnt actually rose irl and its just my pen name for the blog. i have no reason to be secretive really besides to hide my identity from friends, family and people who think they might know me, especially with the topics i might write about, but also i didnt put too much effort into disconnection rose and myself so if youre one of my irl friends, hi :p ) i am a high school student, but i am mostly taking college classes at a community college. im a photo major! photography is a recent thing that i started basically the same time i started college. i sorta took a leap into photo classes and decided that i might as well major in it since ive always been a creative person and since my high school was paying for my tuition. honestly college has been really fun but its school and sometimes i get burnt out really easily which sucks. ill probably talk about this more some other time. i havent really decided on a style of photography that i prefer yet but this fall ill start a portraiture lighting class as well as a color theory class, both im really excited for.

recently ive found myself changing or perhaps growing into a more typical "teenager" recently. this growth is a drastic change from who i was as a kid and that sort of scares me but i think i like the idea of who i can become. i started taking an interest in cars which sort of came out of know where. it might be because i got my license last december and have been driving a lot more but its also rooted in my ex too. (at the begging of this summer i got into a relationship with this guy who was my first everything, and we also ended it in july which hurt hella but again this is a topic for another post later) he was a total car guy and it was something we were bonding over. he would teach/talk about cars and i listened and started to take an actual interest. we went to a few car shows and it was honestly a prefect date/hangout for us because he liked cars of course but i also got to bring my camera and take photos. definitely something i miss doing. my first car was a 2004 honda pilot. it was a manual and i tried learning how to drive it and i got the gist but ended up selling it and getting an automatic 2006 honda pilot lol. this car ive had since february and its lowkey dying now which pisses me. my grandpa was the one who ended up buying it for me which i appreciate very much dont get me wrong but he bought it off these sketchy guys and didnt get it checked out right away for any problems and now im paying extra money in repairs. currently im trying to save for something more "extra" like a mustang or a bmw or honestly an older honda like a prelude or accord, though on my salary as a host in a small restaurant i have barely $4.5k saved and i started work about the same time i got the 06 pilot. i know these cars are a bit on the pricey side but im giving myself till new years to save for something and if i dont find anything by then, ill keep my money in savings for college after i graduate. (that is with the hopes my 06 pilot lasts me through that long :,) )

so yeah. i work as a host at a restaurant. its my first job and i honestly really like it. i get paid $16.50 an hour and i get tipped out by the waitresses on top of that. on average i make about $500 in a pay period which is two weeks. i wish i had more hours but also i dont. i usually use work as an excuse to procrastinate or completely ignore school work which is really self destructive because i convince myself that im productive but in reality i need to be more focused on school. my work ethic is pretty good though i think. i always say yes if someone needs a cover or if i need to come in ealry/on a day off. after the break up i took a bunch of extra shifts and started taking caterings for longer hours and to keep me busy. in the past 2 pay periods i clocked about 50 hours each and made $850 each. this has again been really nice for savings but not for my summer classes. this pay period i had a double catering and i should clock in about 40 ish hours. ill have one more pay period after this one before i will talk to my manager about scheduling me only friday-sunday and see about scheduling me caterings more rather than hosting since i make more that way. theyre pretty good about accommodating hours/days which is really cool but my manager always complains. i feel bad but also i really shouldnt because i need to do better in school first and i already do so much more than what i get paid for honestly so she really doesnt have any reason to say anything. (especially since we just hired 3 new girls after the summer hires left) all my coworkers love me but also everyone shit talks eachother behind their backs so i always wonder if they say anything about me lol. if they are then they should put that energy somewhere else because how are you guys gonna shit talk a 17 year old when you all are 25+???

my music taste is the opposite in regards to changing drastically. i find myself returning to the music i grew up with and even expanding with similar artists. for a quick family overview my step dad who raised me since i was three was/is a tattoo artist and very much in the punk scene. my mom was in the artistic performance and alternative scene. both these adults raised a very punk baby with all the classics and now like i said, after not really interested or listening to music often for awhile, im back to my roots. this is very comforting however when me and my ex were dating he was a big influence in the reintroduction. so do i corrilate some music to him? yes. does it hurt? im not sure. its very confusing but i listen to it on blast regardless and will most likely have hearing problems by the time im 30 T~T a lot of what ive been listening to on repeat is radiohead which was "our band" and i still think it is. im a very sentimental person and cant/wont diconnect these feelings probably ever. i do this a lot. this time though i havent had the urge to stop listening which is a reliefe because i enjoy the music but also because i think itd hurt me if i found hate or sadness in the music rather than the love and bond we once shared through these songs. something ive been considering is posting a song with every post or at the very least at the end of the week. maybe even a playlist at the end of the month? not sure yet. i think music tatse is something that changes with me all the time so its something worth recording here. oh also i def will post cd hauls here too! i have a small collection started but definetely wanna get more.

lets see i dont read often but my favorite books are alice in wonderland, the warden's daughter, they both die at the end, coraline and currently i am reading solitaire by alice oseman. ive read her heartstopper series and have taken a serious interest in tori's story. for my favorite shows i binge watch shows so often and then forget about them just as fast as i watch them lol. i really like soul eater, downtown, daria, the midnight gospel, the walking dead, initial d, madoka magica, and some others i cant think of right now.

hmm~ i cant really think about anything else to write at the moment, plus ive been typing for awhile and should get to bed, so i think ill end it here.

i dont really expect anyone to read this blog in all honesty but its something i wanna do for myself and if a few people take interest or relate to anything i talk about i think thats enough :)

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darlinguistics · 11 months

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🚨🚨 uh oh studyblr mental health related post lol proceed w caution!!

when i first came home for the summer i was immediately really busy the first few days with like parties and other events like that so i was kinda dissociating through it without noticing and thinking ‘wow i really adjusted well to being home!’ but then as soon as i had a free day i had a panic attack in the middle of doing laundry. and like,, ive been pretty okay ever since then but i think this korean class (its 6 weeks) is gonna be the same thing by the end. i think im refusing to be present every day because i dont want to be crushed by too much anxiety over it and end up not doing good in the class cuz ill be so devastated, so im taking on the challenge of dissociating to cope but also being present enough to learn and enjoy the material? i dont think its healthy or ideal but its the best method im capable of at this time so im gonna keep going, but like i also can tell that as soon as the class is over in july im gonna feel like a fundamentally different person like i just woke up and its gonna hit me as hard as that laundry panic attack, probably harder but. meh itll be fine. i have no academic obligations after that so if i go a little crazy itll be silly goofy and for laughs and not the concerning kind LMAO

also,,, i just got an increase on my adhd meds!! so thats a win, maybe things will be a bit better cuz of that actually, thatd be nice :)

#sorry im the inventor of run-on sentences guys #gemini rising af #also im ok btw i just like typing out my thought processes sometimes i hope no one worries <3 #🌟.txt

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parkjiminxfloorpt2 · 1 year

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get to know me 💫- thank you my bestie @bts-ify C for tagging me!! it really has been very long since i last played a tag game, ily!!

name: jans sign: Cancer (idk all that rising sun and moon things, im bad at zodiacs lmao) time: 7:28 PM IST birthday: July 10 fav band/artist: BTS, Conan Gray, and so many more lol last movie: this is embarrassing but, baby's day out last show- the kdrama called coffee prince, its one of my favs now!! when i created this blog- my first one was in the june of 2021, but this one was i guess november of last year :/ what i post- NOTHING. im not talented enough to create gifs, nor am i creative enough to write, so i do what i can, reblog <3 other blogs- none do i get asks- i used to..omg i remember my sexy whore anon..we used to talk almost every day!! i miss them so much, but rn, i get no asks hehe :) followers- all of them are my moots, my gorgeous pretty moots <33 avg hours of sleep: 7-9 hours Dream job: okay please dont mind it if i get a little passionate here, BUT I LOVE THEATRE!! i love acting and performing on the stage. ive been into it since i was like 8 or smthg lol, uk its just smthg about drama that makes me feel alive.. so an actor it would be dream trip: i really wanna visit Paris atleast once <3 fav songs: counting stars, numb, astronomy, just one day, case 143 and soooo many more lol last song: (C WHAT A COINCIDENCE, MINES FROM INDIGO TOO!) still life, god im obsessed with that song currently reading- a jimin ff called silk sheets, its so well written <33 currently watching- the office :) when was the last time you cried?- hmm i guess last week..do you have kids- nah bro do you use sarcasm: a lot actually, so much to the point even if im saying something with no sarcasm, people think im just kidding, its annoying lol whats the first thing you notice about people: a tricky question, cuz theres a lot i notice..but maybe the way they communicate whats your eye color- black hehe scary movies or happy endings- id legit choose horror on any day. but got a soft spot for happy endings <3 special talents- idk really i guess i can make people comfortable around me.. what are your hobbies- baking!! tho im not good enough to do it by myself :/ where were you born- india do you have any pets- i really wanna adopt that stray ginger cat i see every morning in my apartment..ill just bring her home one day 🤭 what sports do you play- i TRY playing basketball, but i suck so bad fav subject in school- english. one of the easiest subjects 😚

honestly, this was stress-relieving!! really enjoyed writing it, thank you once again, C my beloved <333

tagging anyone who wants to do this!!

#tag game #bts-ify <33 #C my bub <33333

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wildcatofgreen · 1 year

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((hi! local catmun here. by now it has ALREADY BEEN new years about a couple hours over on my side of the world. and i wanna be a sentimental little MF for a little bit

((these past couple months. getting the chance to come to this wonderful community, to meet all these wonderful people, to make all these new friends, to make all these wonderful experiences and to share the silly little adventures of a bisexual green cat from a chinese inspired world

((it just. it warms my heart. it makes me so happy. it makes me SO fucking happy.

((i dont know how many words ive written for this blog, but i will say

((in these past couple months, from the start of this blog to now, i have overtaken the amount of pages that were on the original wildcatofgreen blog. sitting at 157 pages of content here. compared to the old blog's 121.

((121 pages that were intermixed between hiatuses and long stretches of things happening.

((it's not like i didnt have passion for the blog--i started it right before freedom planet 2 was announced. the passion was there, the dripfeeds of content filling my brain were already set in motion and i did little blurbs questioning these characters we had never heard of before

((in the old blog's canon, askal was lilac's and carol's teacher. there was this overarching plot point about askal's training with these two to make them stronger and better, just in case a new threat were to occur (([if it wasnt obvious, i was setting up for fp2, of which i thought it wouldve been coming out Soon™. lmaoing at my old self she did not even have a sliver of a guess]

((i figured out reasonable dates for lilac's, milla's and carol's birthdays by scouring ziyo-ling's deviantart for the dates the characters were originally posted! (([lilac aug 19th (([milla may 28th (though with recent revelations her birthday might as well be the-day-they-found-her] (([carol dec 27th] (([and to complete the quadrio, neera's birthday would obviously be fp1's release date--july 21st]

((back then i even imagined a weird, strained relationship between carol and her sister. i had thoughts about how shitty the scarves were. i had ideas and headcanons about a LOT of stuff [and i still have to sift through all of it at SOME POINT i SWEAR IM GONNA DO IT]

((but i think the thing that... probably got me to stop doing it in the first place was... the lack of people to do it with? the lack of people to build these stories with and to make these things happen

((this isnt to say i wasnt rping with people back then--i obviously was. there's 121 pages to prove i was. and i remember hitting the milestone of getting 200 followers on that blog. it's probably not sitting at that number anymore with all the deactivated blogs and such ((but at it's peak! i had people who wanted to interact with me. i had probably a lot of the same things i do now.

((maybe, just... i was the problem, back then. i can see it from how standoffish i was--how my rules were written, how aggressive i wrote x y and z thing. and maybe someone who goes back to look at the previous blog wont get these same vibes i get ((but youre your own worst critic, right? i know myself--i know how scared i was to be friendly with people, to show myself and to kind of... have fun with things. i still have that fear now--to be more ooc than ic. that people dont care about ooc because the blog isnt about me--it's about carol!

((i still kind of hold that philosophy. y'all ain't follow for catmun y'all followed for carol, and i dont wanna flood up my blog with a bunch of unnecessary posts, no matter how much i wanna archive that stuff and keep it for prosperity's sake it kind of feels like i flooded up the blog from what's supposed to actually be there.

((i wasnt nice to myself much. i was kinda awkward but i can forgive myself for that. its been seven-to-five years since any of that. i didnt allow myself to be... well, me.

((but now. its kind of overwhelming, to see how much love and support this little blog gets. how people who i feel i can truly call my friends are so into the things that happen here. how people can enwrap themselves into this little silly lore i have. there's this passion here from... so many people i write with. its. its exciting!!!

((ive never felt so confident about my writing. ive never felt so happy about writing. ive never felt so excited to move on with another crazy wacky thing.

((i still think long time no see dragon girl is my magnum opus on this blog--something that ive tried to build up a while through hints about lilac's thought process without actually just, letting you see as her, and stuff through carol's thought process. the moment where it hit, the moment where lilac went on her little monologue about being the scarf's princess, the moment where lilac looked at carol and asked "Would you?" is, i think, one of the best things ive written on this blog hands down. ((and that all spawned from the funny question of ''what if lilac was homophobic and gay''. like that idea was just a funny joke to myself for a while, but the more i thought about it the more i went ''this could actually be something''. ((and then i started rping with azure and their lilac obviously influenced that lilac and now the two lilacs are one in the same ((it helps that past blog's lilac didnt DO much and i didnt have these thoughts about the love angle back thing. made everything more free form now (([though tbh if i DID i could just RETCON WHATEVER I WANTED HAHAHAHA]

((that's all not to say that i dont think the other things ive written on here werent good--not at all

((the first big plot with sonarmun, that all spawned off because an anon said "get married already" (([btw anon carol is currently getting married right now because of YOU. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, WHOLEHEARTEDLY <3]

((the date night, which TOOK A WHILE TBF but it was still loads of fun ((the first bapho/carol thread, which ALSO TOOK AWHILE but is still one of my favorites ((tangle/carol interactions give me life i love these two idiots so anything with THEM ((that first lilac/carol thread with azure [that is still unfinished, i intend to go back to it SOMEDAY] with all their cute interactions and all the neat things like carol's bike being decidedly not-as-cool as it is now and lilac's earpods being SHITTY and all the other things to show just how fucking far theyve come

((those are just some notable ones but there's so many things i think are just. GOOD. so many interactions i just. LOVE.

((big RECENT highlight? the most recent lilac/carol thread--carol's little tirade took. a while to write. but it all flowed off the page. and like, reading lilac during that thread genuinely made me wanna cry

((if you want another big recent highlight its the fights in the battlesphere blitz arc--just for the fact that i was going into something i had. NO confidence in [fight scenes]. and here this was gonna be a whole fucking arc just ABOUT fight scenes, built up for WEEKS at this point. ((i was so scared to do any of it. scared to write the fights, scared to do the character interactions, scared to pull off the cordelia plot point. but the fears werent warranted--because it all came out good. ((i am especially proud of the askal fight and the second spade fight--the one AFTER zao was an asshole. i think those two are real fucking highlights and im so happy with them

((point being...! its. all of this, all of this

((it makes me so happy!!!! this is the most fun ive had in years with writing!!!! this is the most passion ive had in years with writing!!!!! this makes me wanna do it for as long as i possibly can!!!!! im so fucking happy!!!!!!

((and a lot of it, a LOT of it, is thanks to you guys

((the people who follow me and want to interact with me and want to see more of the stuff i do and more of the ideas i have and

((all of it! i

((i didnt think i could be so happy about rping. i didnt think people like this would exist, frankly.

((i wouldnt be able to do awesome EVENTS like this. i had this lingering anxiety in the back of my head that the wedding would be too imposing on other writers and i didnt want to make it this big, grand, amazing event that it should be because like

((i was scared people wouldnt be down for it

((but everyone i sent in an ask for was... totally down for it!!! and even now people are doing things and interacting and just

((im so happy. im crying. im fuckin' crying because all of this feels impossibly awesome and i dont even know what to say

((thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. no matter who you are, no matter if i interact with you a lot or dont interact at all, no matter if youre just a personal blog who sometimes reads my stuff, no matter what.

((thank you so much

((i didnt think anything about making the carol blog again, other than to get some stuff done with sonar and carol, and to maybe throw a silly cat at some people

((but all of this? all of this?

((i cant express how grateful i am. i cant express how happy this really makes me feel. i cant express how glad i am to be in such an amazing community full of roleplayers. i love you all, i really, really do.

((this blog has barely been up for three months. and ive already made memories and stories i know ill keep until the end of my days.

((i cant wait to continue writing with you all. i cant wait to see what the new year will bring us. because, fuck it

((its gonna be really, really fucking fun

((EDIT 4:52am 1/1/23: HAPPY NEW YEARS. I FORGOT TO PUT THAT IN OOPS MY BAD

((i love you all. i really, really do.

((thank you.))

#ooc posts #catmun speaks #this is long and rambly but #its how i feel #the pinkie pie blog is NEXT ON THE LIST #THAT ONE HAS 212 PAGES WE CAN GET TO 213 BY MARCH I KNOW IT #WHOOOOOOOOOOOO #CHOOO CHOOO THERE ARE NO BREAKS ON THIS FUCKING TRAIN

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darthnell · 9 months

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11, 19, 28, 30, 42

Hi anon ! Ty for the ask ! :D

11. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Oh god three of mine or three in general..??? Um. A..? I guess I’ll do both !!

Three of mine: True Vengeance, THE REPARATION CLAUSE, The Bridges We Burn

Three of others: The Illusion of Life, A Great Leap in the Dark, Mors Vincit Omnia

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Oh I bet for sure it’s gonna be “graphic depictions of violence” LMAO. Aside from like. The thg fandom tags. Also “original characters” and “alternate universe”. The “canon-typical violence” tag is also my best friend and i love when I surpass that one. Canon atypical violence. I think ive used that one before but only once so it doesn’t count here, but it is funny. OH- the “careers have issues” tag. Also my best friend<3 really fucking excellent tag

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

Pshhhhh uhhhh…. I’m actually just coming off of an event where i wrote like 35k in the span of 5 weeks which is. Not typical ! This past week-ish I have written exactly Zero words (: …at like. Normal times, I probably can do a solid 1k or in that ballpark. I have been known to bang out like 3k in a day if I’m rly in the zone (i was Unwell last july LMFAO) but also I rly don’t typically write every day. Would like to! Need to build a new schedule though. Hard for me to write on the days when I work but I only work part time atm. I am also. Kind of a slow writer usually. I’ve only written as much as I have bc I write frequently ! ((Or I try to))

30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

Good god I think I’d perish if I shared rough drafts. Like, on ao3… is that a thing..? So like. My shit isn’t perfect. There’s definitely typos I’ve missed and all that jazz, but I usually heavily edit my chapters before posting. The event I did recently was also like my first time having a beta which was neat but. This is rly silly, bear with me - so I had two separate docs for that, one I wrote the fic in and another that I shared w the betas, because the idea of someone having access to all my rough outlines and watching me on the doc as I write makes me Viscerally uncomfortable, I can’t rly explain it better than that. Anyways, the funny part is, said beta would point out a grammar mistake or typo, and I’d go “nice” and fix it, but forget to fix it on the other doc. So when I. When I posted the fic from the original doc… you can see where this is going maybe. Actual clown idiot moment LMFAO. Tl;dr - I attempt to polish. Doesn’t always turn out shiny jdjddjdk

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

Ooh ! Last one I read was In The Clear by District11-Olive on FFN. So this one is technically thg but very au; it’s set in modern day Canada where a show called The Cut forced teenaged criminals to fight to the death in order to regain their freedom or get a “second chance”. It’s Really well written and also an excellent commentary on what it means to be a criminal and prison systems in general. This one’s actually the third and final installment of the series, wooh! It’s not complete yet; the story just reached the start of the death match part and its so 👁️👄👁️ It’s also a SYOC fic (Submit Your Own Character). Not open for submissions now, but u might see some of my characters if you check it out c:

Gotta also rec The Furthest Star by geologyisms on FFN since I’m in the middle of (re) reading it.. again 🥺 This is the fic I received from the exchange I took part in recently ! So the main pov char Solan Gardener (D9 tribute in the male slot but uses they/them) was created by me but the story was written by erik/geologyisms ! Ve did such a lovely job with my kiddo u should definitely check it out!! 10/10 new comfort fic fr ;—;

Ty again anon for the question, I had fun !!! <3

#nell clownery here #hunger games #hunger games fanfiction #fanfiction asks #anon ask #ask meme #fanfiction #fanfiction writer #hunger games fanfic #the hunger games

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spencerhotchner · 3 years

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Alternative {spencer reid}

Chapter 1

summary: Since quarentine was announced, Y/N decided to rewatch all seasons of Criminal Minds. On a lonely night she wished she could be in that universe instead of this. What happens when she wakes up in 2008 in Quantico?

warnings: angst, a very confused reader, regular cm stuff and my grammar (if you find anything else pls lmk

word count: 2k

a/n: i have this idea while watching a movie about parallel universes and all, so i just wanted to try this out. it will be a 10 parts series! im not really sure about this, i think i kinda hate it but im posting it anyways lmao. i hope you gonna enjoy!

series masterlist

part 1 | part 2

You woke up feeling dizzy and with a major headache. At first you thought it was because you drank a whole lot of wine last night but then you saw yourself in a room you never saw before. You stoop up quickly trying to understand where you were and how did you end up there. You were sure that you have never been in this place before, and it was scaring you that you showed up in there.

There was a mirror nailed to the wall in from of you almost forcing you to look at your own body, that made you notice that you were still wearing the same clothes from last night, but you weren’t home. Not being home was odd given by the fact you stayed there with your family and two friends you invited over, since there’s a whole freaking pandemic going on and you for sure did not want to get sick or get other people sick.

“Did I get kidnapped?” you think out loud. “No, I just watch too much Criminal Minds.” you tell yourself, trying to calm down.

You reach for the face mask placed on the nightstand, getting ready to leave this random place and go home. You tried not to freak out when you realized your phone was gone and the only cellphone in there was probably as old as your grandmother. You dialed your moms number about five times and all of them went on voicemail, making you curse mentally.

This can’t be happening. Not to me.

As soon as you leave the apartment you were in you realized you weren’t in your hometown, definitely not. It was crowded, like, really crowded and no one was wearing any face masks. Where did the freaking pandemic go? You wondered while you felt like a misfit for being the only one wearing it.

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” you ask an old lady walking by.

“You’re on Main Street, sweetheart.” she says.

“No, um, I mean the city.” you watched as the old lady looked at you with a funny face, as if she was calling you crazy on her mind.

“We’re in Quantico, dear.”

“Quantico?” you repeat, mostly for yourself then for her. The lady started at you like you were an alien. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”

The air started to go low on you, how did you get to Virginia, anyway? That was across the country from where you lived, Bellevue in Washington state. You started lost walking, trying to understand what the hell was going on. It felt like you were on a parallel universe, like you were in a dream but couldn't wake up and it sure felt very real. You stoped a jornal shop taking a lot at the last newspaper in there, trying to figure if something happened that you were missing. However, nothing reported there shocked you, what did, though, was the date.

July 1st, 2008

You were about to ask someone about it when you bumped into a blonde woman, falling on the ground. As soon as you looked up, you almost chocked yourself. If the day was already weird, this was even weirder. A.J Cook was standing right in front of you with a concerned look. You couldn't really say anything, just staring at her like she wasn't real. It was weird seeing her in front of you after only seeing her through screens.

“I’m so sorry!” she said as she offered a hand for you to get up. “Are you ok?”

“I- um, yes! I’m fine.” you san, getting the dirt out of your outfit. “I’m a big fan of yours! Wish I had my phone here to take a picture but- sorry.“ you stoped talking, realizing she probably doesn’t care.

“Big fan of me? Wow, howcome somebody’s a fan of me?” she sounds surprised.

“Well, you’re on Criminal Minds.” you say as it was obvious.

She looked at you as if you were out of your mind. Not that you weren't thinking otherwise at the moment, anyways.

“I’m on what now?” she asked.

Maybe you got confused and she was the wrong person, but she looked so much like her to not be her. If they were not the same person, then definitely twins. This was so weird, once again, you found yourself asking ‘what the hell’ mentally.

“You’re JJ, Jennifer Jareau, FBI Agent and all.” you say, trying one more time. “Behaviour Analysis Unit...”

“Yea, that‘s me.” she let a nervous laugh comes out of her mouth. “How do you know me?”

‘This is weird’ you thought. How does she not understand where you know her from? Literally Criminal Minds, like you said at first. ‘Maybe this is all a dream.’

“I saw you on tv” you try.

“Oh, I see! You like law enforcement?” she asks you.

“Oh yes, I’m in law-school to be a judge someday.” you answered. “The show, all of it just makes me wanna put all them bad guys in jail.” you say, laughing a bit.

“The show...? What?” you hear her whisper, but decide to ignore it. “What’s the mask about?” JJ asks, making you look at her surprised.

“Um, covid-19?” you say like it’s obvious, because it is.

“Oh, sure...” she smiles as she says it, almost like she's only agreeing because she won't discuss it. “Great talking to you, really, but I gotta go, FBI duty calls.” she jokes.

You smile at her watching carefully as she picks up her phone from her pocket and pick up a call. That phone looked awfully old, like 2000’s old. Why would a famous actress have that kinda of phone? Then, you looked around trying to understand more about what was going on. It was all too out of place.

First, nobody wearing masks, not even a single person but you. Second, you were in a city in which is miles away from your own. Third, a famous actress acted like she’s nobody. And fourth, the date on the calendar said 2008.

If it wasn’t just impossible I would say I time travelled into Criminal Minds universe.

After standing there for literal 10 minutes trying to figure it out what you were going to do, you decide to go to the police department. After all, you may have been abducted, right? Because you didn’t have any knowledge of the place, you took quite some time to get there. As soon as you got there you sigh in relief, that has been quite a walk and damn, you were tired of this situation.

“Excuse me, ma’am, can you help me?” you ask to the lady standing behind the counter.

“Sure, dear. What do you need?” she looks up at you, taking her glasses of her face.

“I think I might have been abducted?” you start. “I woke up in this random apartment.”

“Maybe you had a one-night stand.” she said putting back her glasses.

“No! I am sure I didn’t because first of all, there’s a pandemic going on, second of all I was in Bellevue in Washington state when I went to sleep.” you yell, involuntarily, desperate to make her believe in you.

“Miss, I’m gonna need you to calm down or you will be escorted out of the building. You’re probably on drugs, there's nothing we can do for you.”

“Fuck you.” you say as you watch her face get all red.

Frustrated. That could define what you were feeling, scared and worried could do the work, as well. What were you going to do now? Go to the FBI to see if they could freaking understand why you simply appeared in Quantico? Didn't sound like a bad idea in your mind as you decided to just try it out. After all, you were already pretty screwed up, it would worth a shot.

You reached for your back pocket, hoping that the money you shoved in there more than a week ago would still be in there. Bingo! You pull out a 20 dollar bill out of it and the next thing you know you’re getting into a cab asking him to take you to the FBI. Now that’s something you never thought would happen. The travel was quite quick, in 20 minutos you were standing in front of that big isolated building. It looked like it was taken straight out of your favorite show, that was insane.

The wind blew hard on you when you got out of the vehicle, making you shiver a little, that reminded you that you did not have any clothes nor money to buy more. God, you did not even have where to go. You didn't even get the chance to get into the building as a big man steps in front of you, blocking your way.

“Miss, you're not allowed in this building.” he said without much expression.

“But, sir-” you started, as you saw he was about to interrupt you, you go on. “Ive been abducted and I don't know where or how the hell did I get in here, I’m completely hopeless... Please.” you beg him.

He started at you for a couple of seconds, that felt like centuries for you, just to sigh at you.

“Ok, follow me.” he said. “Do not make me regret this.”

“I-I won’t, sir.” you were quick to answer.

The agent asked another man to cover up for him as he led me into the building. Once again you found yourself admired of how much it did look like a Criminal Minds episode in there, if you weren't totally desperate you'd be amused. Soon, you two were out of the elevator on floor 8, leading with the words Behavior Analysis Unit quite big.

“Can you take her to Agent Jareau, please?” the man said to someone who passed by, who simply agreed.

Now, that's a funny coincidence, there's actually an Agent Jareau in the BAU.

You followed the woman with questioning trying to stay calm when you saw Matthew Gray Gubler sitting on a desk reading some book in Reid style, almost like he was Spencer himself. If you had any doubts you were going crazy, that was the final proof. You stoped walking, taking a stare at him and then at the Agent that stared a you like you were an alien.

“Is there something wrong?” she asks you. “Miss, are you ok?”

You were unable to answer for a few seconds when you finally opened you mouth, still trying to figure it out how to say what was on your mind without sounding completely insane.

“Is that Dr. Spencer Reid?”

And that was all you’re able to say because as soon as you let his name out of your mouth he looked up at you, trying to somehow recognize you. You were sure, that time, that you never looked - and sounded - as insane as right now.

“Yes, that's me.” he answers.

His voice was the last thing you could hear before everything go black. Maybe you were finally going to wake up. Maybe.

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suekre · 3 years

Note

So ive followed you a VERY long time (like from the deviantart days lmao) and i only just realised that you were talking about ocd in that post. Just wanted to let you know that i have ocd as well and god it is exhausting and i know exactly how you feel! I finally start therapy for it in 2 weeks. Pls know that i love your art and you very much and appreciate everything you create and share with us. All the best!! X

Hey you, I know you! Thank you for coming to my inbox and sharing this with me, I appreciate that so much. :) I am SUPER happy for you that you are about to get the help you need, that is awesome. I wish I could have had it at the time!

(And oh boy, the good old deviantart days, haha! Always happy to have my longtime followers around! :D)

OCD is exhausting indeed. People who aren’t affected can’t imagine what a nightmare it is. I, personally, am more prone to intrusive thoughts than actual obsessive-compulsive behavior. When people hear „OCD“, they usually think of obsessive hand washing or „leaving out every black tile while walking through a kitchen“ or so, while it can manifest in other ways. I didn’t know back then. I just thought I was going completely crazy at the time. I think I mentioned my disorder at times but I never actually openly talked about my own experiences (where I come from, mental disorders are a big NO NO, because it’s all in your head, just pull yourself together, other people are ACTUALLY suffering, it’s just dumb thoughts, you just need to think positive, y’know).

I kinda feel like doing it now. Just to get it out, and also to occupy my brain and hands and hey, maybe someone else can pick this up and find themselves in my own experiences. I sure know how relieved I was when I found out I wasn’t alone with my what I thought was a ‚Very Weird, Unique and Niche Problem‘.

I gotta admit first - I’m doing much better nowadays. Even my worst days, as horrible as they may feel at the time, do in no way compare to the hell I went through in the second half of 2015. I have come a long way since my last (and so far worst... omg, oof, I hope there won’t be another) episode of intrusive thoughts. But, oh boy, was it intense. It was the absolute worst time of my life, ever. I’m not writing this to scare anyone. Anyone who is familiar with this, will know how bad it is and anyone who can’t relate at all won’t feel affected anyway and will maybe even think something along the lines of „What the fuck?!“. I get it. It DOES sound crazy.

I have always been an overthinker. I always needed more validation and reassurance than other people around me and for the longest time I had no idea why that was. It was usually subtle - always kinda there but never strong enough to actually affect my life in a negative way. I just felt off at times, and not always super good. But I was generally ok, I could always manage.

Until that one episode that changed my life forever. I know that sounds dramatic but, even though I am in a good place nowadays, it sure DID change my life. I was 31, I lived together with my then-boyfriend and I still remember the exact date. Friday, July 24th, 2015. I remember the exact moment when my entire mind collapsed. It’s so weird, it literally happened from one second to the other. I am not making this up to sound more dramatic, it was a matter of seconds.

I was on my way home after work and I felt… restless and stressed. It felt good to get off work (it was my first full time job and... it didn’t go well, to put it nicely) but I was no longer really looking forward to my week off, and our trip to our favorite Open Air the following week. I picked up some dinner on my way, I came home, and I saw my boyfriend in the middle of the living room, he was making some preparations for our upcoming trip. When I saw him, tall and handsome and smiling at me, I smiled back but inside I felt like crying. My smile was fake. Kissing him felt weird, and also fake. And all of a sudden, there it was. The life changing thought:

„I don’t love him anymore.“

A simple thought. I had weird thoughts before, like anyone does, but they never had any greater impact on me. This time, though, that one thought knocked me off my feet. Not literally, I had turned into a pillar of salt somehow. This was the Perfect Man Of My Dreams (at least that was what I thought back then). The man I wanted to spend my life with, the man who made me happy every day! How could that even be, how could I even think something like that?

I felt even more restless. I didn’t tell him, of course. When he asked how my day was, I put on my fake smile again and said it was okay. We ate our dinner (although I had instantly lost any appetite), and I kept looking at him and the thoughts... just kept coming back.

You don’t love him anymore. What if you don’t love him anymore?

On repeat. It was awful. I just couldn’t shake them off.

It’s the stress, I tried to tell myself. You’re overworked. It’ll be good, you just need some rest.

But I couldn’t relax. My heart was racing, my blood was pumping. I didn’t know what was going on. I begged him to leave his work undone and take me out for an after work drink and he agreed. All the time, the thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind. I didn’t want to think them, but they were merciless, they just kept coming back. I felt so helpless.

A few drinks later, I had calmed down a bit, at least so much that I could stand to look at my BFs face again without feeling guilty. There you go, I said to myself, not quite convinced, you’ll be good. It’s already wearing off. When we crawled into bed later, I was tired and relaxed (and tipsy) enough to sleep and convinced that this was just a little glitch, that things would be just fine in the morning.

When I woke up, I felt exhausted. My heart was racing... and the thoughts came back IMMEDIATELY.

You don’t love him anymore. You gotta leave him.

What. The. HELL!? Why are these thoughts still a thing? Why are they still there? Why do they keep coming back?

I kept trying to push them away but the more I tried, the more intense they became. As if they tried to spite me. I started losing focus on everything else around me, the world slowly started to blur. It was just Me And My Thoughts from here. I tried my best to hide my state, and I think I managed for a while, but I felt like a robot any time I talked to someone. When people would pick up on my confusion, I usually brushed their concerns off. It’s nothing, I’m good.

I mean... how do you even tell someone that you just. can’t. stop. thinking. about whether you still love your boyfriend or not? According to the world, that is something you “just feel and know” after all. Except that I didn’t. I had no clue. I couldn’t feel anything. But, according to the world, that was perfectly normal, too. “Honeymoon phase is over at some point, babe. That’s everyday life, you grow comfy, it’s no longer a flash of feelings every day, you know that. You guys have been together for a while after all, what did you expect?!” ... what I felt didn’t feel like comfy everyday life either, though. Comfy everday life shouldn’t come with high key anxiety, sleepless nights and a loss of appetite at any lived second. If that was comfy everyday life, I sure didn’t want it.

So, what do you do when you have no clue about something? Right! Google! Go and ask the world! “How do you know that you still love your partner?”, “Is the love gone?” ... I spent hours, DAYS doing that, but no answer I found was remotely statisfying (or maybe it was for a minute, but the reassurance never lasted long) and I felt that those articles didn’t actually understand what I was asking in first place. I would spend every day like that. Permanently asking myself the same questions, analyzing myself, testing if the Big Feels for the man had decided to come back... nah, not really. Maybe NOW? If I just look at him close enough?! ... maybe if I squint a little?! Fuck, still nothing! Niente! Nada! I am a horrible person, aaah!

(Our open air trip was an emotional disaster by the way, I felt horrible all the time, and the permanent rain didn’t help. -3/10, do not recommend).

If I had known at the time that I wouldn’t spend just a few days but (more or less) six months with this shit... oof. I was already exhausted after those few days.

Over the course of the next weeks I stopped eating almost entirely. I just couldn’t. This permanent tight anxiety knot in my stomach made me want to throw up at the mere thought of food. At my worst point I weighed 138 lbs (63 kg), at 6 ft 1 (1,85 m). I often joked about how I had almost reached runway model standard. I was sick, I was weak, I was scared, but I just couldn’t eat and the bits I DID force myself to eat were burned almost right away by my crippling anxiety. (I still have clothes from that time, and I sometimes beat myself up for no longer fitting into them before I remember that I should NEVER fit into them EVER again.)

Instead I smoked a pack a day. I hardly got any sleep and when I did, it wasn’t relaxing. Always in Fight and Flight mode. My body was at alert level any minute, any day. I’m still asking myself how it could be that I never actually... collapsed. I was always tired, exhausted and malnourished... I dunno, you tell me.

The thoughts never really disappeared. They kept coming back in all variations. You don’t love him anymore. You have to leave him. You may not want to, but you have to. You don’t love him. I had very few “good moments” in between but in those good moments, my mind was usually frantically looking for explanations and reasons behind all this. For ways to improve my relationship, to feel better about my boyfriend. I came up with the WEIRDEST shit. Almost every day I found something new that bothered me. One day he was a little boring. That’s it! We gotta go out more, do more stuff, that’ll change everything. ... aaah, no. Guess not. The next day, it was something else. The day after THAT, it was something entirely different again.

I was suddenly prone to making some HELLA weird impulsive decisions, too. „I gotta break off contact to that one person RIGHT now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!“, “I gotta talk to my mom about THAT particular incident in my childhood right now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”, “I gotta make a trip to the mall JUST NOW, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”… the decisions made total sense to me the second I made them, for about ten minutes at most, but the initial rush of relief started to fade again quickly and I frantically started looking for new solutions. Google was my best friend. I couldn’t go a day without googling exessively. Overthinking, pacing, googling. Any day, any hour awake. Over weeks. A few months even. My mind was constantly reeling. It was a bottomless pit.

I cannot put into words how exhausting that was. Sometimes the idea of throwing myself out of the next window seemed SO tempting, not because I wanted to die, but because I wanted the thoughts to stop tormenting me.

(I was out of regular therapy at the time, btw. I thought about calling my therapist about it but never did it. I felt isolated, I literally thought I had to do this all by myself.)

At some point, a few months into it, I somehow transferred to zombie mode. The thoughts became a little less intense over time. They were never gone but not quite as nagging anymore. But any time I wasn’t in alert mode, I felt just hollow instead. Sucked dry of any joy, of any emotion, of any sign of life. I just... functioned. Still tried to hide it. I dunno how well I did with that. Probably not at all well. I kept it all to myself, just because it felt that ridiculous. Tried to find excuses. “I’m just tired.”, “You know, there’s a lot going on in my head right now, but I’ll be good.” ... truth is that I don’t remember a whole lot of that time, it’s all blurry. There are just a few significant moments.

Such as that one evening, after work, when I left the building, made a few steps and stood five (or ten? fifteen??? who knows?! not me.) minutes on the spot, motionless, because I could no longer remember my way home.

I got fired from that job, by the way. I’m sure it was mostly due to low performance, I get it, but I can’t blame my poor state alone - they were also assholes.

Anyway.

I had, of course, never stopped the googling and one day, after hours of browsing any niche I hoped I hadn’t browsed yet, I somehow found a blog written by a young woman like me. The description tackled almost all of my thought patterns and I was blown. away. She asked herself the very same questions, with the very same twists, and... she even had a name for it.

ROCD. Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I cried for what felt like hours. Out of relief. There was a person in this world who knew exactly what I was going through. And she even had tips how to overcome it. It wasn’t the first time I had heard about OCD, but as it had never affected me in any way before (I, too, associated it with compulsive hand washing and tile jumping), I wouldn’t have thought of it. After doing my own intense research on the subject, a huge part of me and my life finally started making sense to me. Not much was known about ROCD at the time, but it kinda didn’t matter anyway. What mattered was the OCD part. The subject of the thoughts is entirely interchangable. It’s the chain of thoughts itself that has to be broken. Don’t focus on the relationship. Break the chain instead.

The internet also recommended exposure therapy but as therapy wasn’t an option at the time (weird German laws... regular health insurance covers only a limited amount of therapy lessons within a certain span of time and I had used mine up and there was no way I could pay myself), I decided to try it myself, the key points being:

* No more googling, no more reassurance. Learn to live with the uncertainty, learn to live with Not Knowing.

* Let the thoughts happen. Watch them pass by. They’re just thoughts, they can’t harm you. Don’t fight them, just recognize them and let them stay, they’ll get less scary over time.

* Focus on other things, as hard as it is. Try to occupy your mind and your body. Any minute you spend doing something else but brooding is a win.

It all sounded so very abstract at the time, but I was determined to give it a try. Oh gosh, was it hard. After months of emotional torment and getting used to unhealthy ways of coping, it was SO DAMN FUCKING HARD to NOT google. To NOT think. It felt like torment all over again. How was I supposed to just let the thought sit with me!? It was scary, I didn’t want it! Just ONE little peek, only a second, come ON! I won’t do it again after that?!

Oh god, it was the worst, it really was. Trying to break the chain while I was so desperate to save my relationship was terrible. I honestly don’t remember HOW I made it... but I made it. I somehow... clawed and bit my way out of it. I went right through the pain and made it. It’s not actually a linear process but there comes this point (and I know a few people I met on online platforms who would back me up on this) when you know the worst is over. You just know it. Things weren’t exactly good by the time the thoughts were history but I had reign over my own head again, I could actually SEE the world again, and that was worth everything plus my body weight in gold.

I’ll stop right here because the following months weren’t about my OCD anymore, but about figuring out needs, figuring out myself and what I wanted from life and this particular relationship and it’s not quite relevant and another story. (I DID love my ex-BF but it turned out he wasn’t at all good for me, I had ignored all the red flags for too long, and it didn’t take long after this for us to go separate ways)

I hated this particular time in my life while it lasted but I have learned and taken so much from it. It has changed my life in so many ways. I learned that things are never set in stone, not for anyone. That there will always be uncertain times on our ways. That change is always scary. That it’s okay to be scared. That staying in crappy situations for the sake of it isn’t always the right thing to do. Sometimes, doing the right thing (aka leaving a relationship that isn’t good for you) can make you sad. Love does not equal compatibility.

Looking back, I am - in a very bizarre and twisted way - grateful for the experience. It was an incredibly important lesson for me that taught me to be kinder to myself, to look out for myself and to listen to my own needs. That I should put myself first at times. For the first time of my life, I really got in touch with myself and my own emotions. I learned to understand them, I learned where they come from. I learned to cut myself slack at times.

The list goes on and on, but you get my drift. I know myself inside and out at this point. That wasn’t always the case. Not until 2016.

It still comes back at times. Not with such full force, but it keeps creeping back in, pretty much any time I have to deal with uncertainty in my life. Bad news at work, not hearing from a friend for a while that I’m dying to hear from (inevitably thinking that they MUST be mad at me) or when I spot a few symptoms of sickness that I’m not familiar with (I practically never get sick). Not Knowing What Will Happen drives me CRAZY. I hate uncertainty, I need my life to be stable and calm to fully function.

Now, in COVID times, it’s mostly the fear of suffering from an incurable disease. AGAIN. I’m familiar with that, too. I’m not even scared of catching the virus, I just fell right back into overthinking any symptom I have, even if it’s just a short pain in the neck or whatever (you know, things that one usually brushes off). When my life was busier, I was MUCH better at handling those thoughts. Most of the time, they didn’t even come up in first place. Sitting inside and avoiding contact 99,9% of all times, and having little to no actual distraction („reading/watching movies“ doesn’t help me personally, it does’t occupy my mind enough, I usually just stare right through the pages/screen), however, leaves FAR too much time for the thoughts to unfold, once they come up.

This subtle but lingering concern for my health puts my body into a permanent state of anxiety once more. Fight and Flight mode. The pace of my heartbeat is always slightly, but perpetually, increased. It isn’t always outright panic attacks, it’s this constant state of having to be… alert. Something MIGHT happen, y’know. Be prepared. Relaxing and doing nice things becomes almost impossible. Instead, I get tired and exhausted. Depressed, even. It sucks the joy right out of me. I feel like living under a glass dome. I see what’s happening around me but I am unable to connect, emotionally. People keep living their lives and I can watch them, but I can’t be a part of it. It’s a deeply crushing feeling. I manage to somehow function but I don’t really feel alive. My abandonment issues and fear of „getting left behind“ kicked in again, too. I want to catch up and take part but can’t so I stress myself over THAT, too. This only adds to the exhaustion and makes me feel even more isolated.

Hello, vicious circle, my old friend.

I didn’t even realize that I had such huge potential to fall right back into it. It all started… I dunno, by mid/end of January?? It’s a bit blurry this time. It is directly connected to Germany’s recent lockdown, though. A massive case of Not Knowing How Things Will Turn Out. I failed to take better care of myself in the past few weeks. And now I’m here. AGAIN. Ugh.

But well, as I said, it’s not as bad and, as I said, I have at least learned some important things over the years. In this particular case of intrusive thoughts, the first rule is: NEVER GOOGLE SYMPTOMS. And never google shit like „chances to survive (whatever illness think you have at the time)“, either. The mind longs for reassurance but googling symptoms is BAD, as we all know by now. It’s not even reassuring when you do it. Because you’ll inevitably end up diving through the vast internet for HOURS, picking up an entry that some person named Kevin made on a cancer forum way back in 2004, saying that his uncle died the next day after finding out he has cancer and that is, OF COURSE, what will happen to YOU, too. There is no other way. YOU WILL DIE.

Excuse the text walls. I took an opportunity to ramble about my own experience, for the first time ever since it happened (not including the few short talks I had with the few people I met on internet forums).

To anyone who made it this far: Thank you so much for reading. It sure felt good to write this down for once, even if it’s just a short summary (yes, really, I mean, we’re talking six-ish months here), and the descriptions fall woefully short. If anyone affected by the same happens to read this - I am so, SO sorry you are suffering so much. You are NOT alone and you are NOT weird. Talk to someone. Open up. To your doctor, or you therapist, if you have one. To a person you trust. It is the worst but there are ways, there is help. I wish I had known at the time it started for me.

You know now. :)

P.S.: DON’T FUCKING GOOGLE:

#ocd #rocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #relationship obsessive compulsive disorder #mental disorder #sanne rambles

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mayabruhbruh · 4 years

Text

Stranger Things 4 Analysis and Theory

I don’t know if anyone else has done posts on this stuff yet (it’s really likely, but i’d not want to take the credit if i’m not the only one who’s thought of this)

I know @kaypeace21 has made tons of posts on the s4 movies from Video Store Friday, and many others have theories and analyses, but back in July I took it upon myself to research more into the very last few scenes of s3. Specifically the three months later time stamp, where Steve and Robin are in search for a new job.

My main focus was the four movies that they mentioned for Keith at the counter. “Animal House”, “The Hidden Fortress”, “Children Of Paradise”, and “The Apartment”.

(reminder that if you read this, it could be spoilers for the final cut of the actual show if i end up being correct about some of this, so read at your own risk)

My first theory, which I’ve already discussed in a separate reblog, is about The Hellfire Club. But i’ll say it here too.

Basically,

(sorry for the sucky quality)

Animal House is about two awkward freshmen going into college and joining a fraternity of rejects. It matches Mike, Dustin and the Hellfire Club perfectly! Personally, my lowkey theory is that they’re going to have to go though an entirety of initiation activities (possibly drugs too, if what we’ve heard is correct) and Lucas and Max will be in their own storylines up until the supernatural threat brings them back together again. This could be wayy off, but still its my idea.

As for Max and Lucas...

I’m not sure about the entirety of the plot of this movie, but the last line sounds a lot like something that would happen between Lumax. Lucas is a basketball jock now, I think that’s crystal clear now seeing from the Pep Rally poster, and how he’s always been the one in the group to be able to mask his nerdy side. For Dustin and Mike, I know it’s much harder for them. Anyways, Max, I’m pretty positive by now, is going to be extremely distant and defensive from everyone just like she was in the beginning of s2, since she just had a big change happening in her life. It’s the same now, except with the grief and loss of Billy. My guess, from the hints of this movie and other stuff, is that Lucas is going to come face to face with his reputation as a popular kid, and his love for Max. Like the summary says, he must decide between the advancement of his career or the girl that he loves. Real hard hitting stuff.

Onto the next one. MIKE WHEELER. (or will byers)

I watched an analysis video on this movie, because I haven’t seen it yet, but again the very last line is what I’d like to focus on.

My. Jaw. Dropped.

I’ve read many analyses of Mike Wheeler being gay (courtesy of @kaypeace21 @hawkinsschoolcounselor and MANY others), but I dunno, I was always just so skeptical no matter how much it made sense. But when I saw this WHAT THE HELL?!?’);/&? It’s stupid of me to not have believed it sooner, but I hope this is the movie that foreshadows Mike’s storyline this season. I’m assuming Mike will have to “prove his expertise in battle”, or perhaps prove he can go through with all of the initiation shit for The Hellfire Club, while hiding his growing revelation that he might be gay/bisexual.

BUT a possibly more likely scenario would be that this movie connects with Will Byers’ storyline this season instead. Perhaps the hardships of a new school and a new town has Will shaken up, and he also has his sexuality awakening that he has to hide from new people. I say that it’s more likely for him, because Will has always been more heavily queer-coded (not exactly heavier, but just extremely much more apparent and obvious opposed to Mikes queercoded subtext that we really had to dig for).

I also didn’t mention this in my reblog from earlier, but I want to address my opinions on the apparent cheerleader that meets Mike and befriends one another. One of my friends on twitter said Chrissy (her name, or so we think lmao) might be a key component to Mike being able to discover and come to terms with his sexuality. But then again, a different friend of mine thinks that the amount of content were getting is oddly suspicious, and that the Duffers are feeding us all the wrong information to lead us to all the wrong conclusions. But, at this point, why not both. At the moment, everyone thinks that Chrissy is Mikes new love interest, but what if she really isn’t, and they’re pulling a Robin on us (i call it a robin because it was technically straight-baiting in s3 LMFAO). I’m not saying that she might be a lesbian (although 👀 it says on her character info that she’s 18 (robins got some game to work with now ahaha)) but it could be a straight-bait up until she helps Mike realize his sexuality (i would have said realizes his love for Will😍😍 but recently ive been trying not to input byler into everything i fucking say, so theres how that’s going). Anyways. Last movie!

Now, I’m currently not super concrete on this one to be completely honest. I have a few in mind...

Okay, so don’t attack me, but this could possibly be a mileven storyline. It sort of fits. They have an undeniable connection, but “their fortunes shift considerably and they’re pushed apart” aka the misfortune of the mindflayer and hawkins not being safe for them leads them to moving away and literally being pushed apart. I don’t know about the pursuing other relationships, but we still have no idea what’s going on with El Hopper tbh, i havent a single clue what’s going to be happening with her storyline atm. But either way, that could be it.

ORRRR the MUCH more likely scenario, Jancy :)

Bloggers on here have already predicted that they wouldn’t be endgame, and I was only slightly skeptical because although their relationship was built on shared trauma, a very unstable foundation to have for a ship tbh, i still hung onto the fact that they cared for eachother a lot :,( But the entirety of their season 3 bickering and this summary kind of sealed the deal.

Just like Mike and El, Nancy and Jonathan have been pushed apart aswell. It was already seen in season three that they’d be better of leading separate lives, aka Jonathan was doing fine at the internship, whereas Nancy could have been somewhere better for herself. I doubt they broke up at the end of season 3, but there’s bound to be new relationships for them seperately. It sucks bc I love Jancy, but s3 showed how badly they snap at one another when there isn’t a life threatening event at hand. Jopper on the other hand, I thought their bickering was adorable, but i’m getting off track, sorry lmfaoo.

Once again, I probably am not the first to talk about these, but jsyk if you steal this from me specifically i will track you down and end you. I’ve been speculating about these things since April and July, which is pretty weak tbh, but that was when i had nothing better to do LMFAO. i hope i got at least something right, but i haven’t seen many of the video store friday’s movies, which sucks bc those could really help. But whatever.

(i wrote this really late at night, and it’s poorly edited bc my eyesight sucks lmfao, but i hope you get what i mean)

And that’s it! I hope you like it, or had some sort of impact from it idk, just sharing my thoughts tbh. Anygays, if you have any questions/added ideas/thoughts of any kind, my inbox is always here, you can private message me, and comment if you want!! i love y’all sm lmfao, so excited for the upcoming content were about to get soon, byee!

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unknownkhhgirls · 3 years

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UNKNOWN FEMALE KHH KRNB ARTISTS THAT DESERVE BETTER: 2020 EDITION

DOYILEE

- she's an independent artist - she was born and raised in Saipan, March 3rd 1994 - she attended college in Iowa and then moved to Chicago - she moved in Korea in July 2019 - her brother is in the military - although she's very fluent in english, her parents used to speak korean around the household so she ended up being fluent in both languages - she studied Studio Art in College out boredom and lack of choices while picking a major - her fav color is pink - she used sing in middle school, she also joined a choir in College so she got introduced to music since she was very young - she has a youtube channel where she posts vlogs and song/rap covers - after he "face tattoo" vlog blew up, people started asking for the music in the background and so she decided to take her own music seriously and become a professional - her muses/role models are Dean and Jvcki wai - she's a very meditative/reflective person, she also mentioned "thinking" as her hobby - she dislikes pickled food such as pickled radish or cucumber - she mentioned self improvement as her permanent goal - she mentioned working different part time jobs while living in Chicago such as nail salon receptionist, customer service representative and a graphic designer assistant

JCLEF

- she was born in January 10, 1993 - she studied Chemical and Biomolecular Technology at Sogang University - before studying at Sogang University she failed three times to get into a Music based college. - before fame she was tutoring and was a Maths and Science teacher part time for a living while living in an underground studio - she wasn't necessarily good at school in other subjects, but always wanted to be great in Maths and Science - despite her passion for singing and music her parents were opposed to her becoming a musician - likes to watch netflix, reading books and play games on her free time - she realized she wanted to make music while preparing for a performance with her music club in college, she didn't want it to be a one time experience - she debuted with her first Mixtape "Canyon" released in February 22, 2016 - she composes and writes lyrics in all her tracks - her first album is "[flaw,flaw]" released in August 14, 2018 - her musical genre is mainly R&B - she would like to try jazz or groovy music genre next - she joined and was announced as a new artist of CraftandJun in March 19, 2019 - she's part of Biscuit Haus Crew - she's a big fan of Choi LB, in fact, the song Dive In Island is supposed to be a remix of Choi LB's song with the same title - she featured on Choi LB's album and also participated in arranging the songs from his album [오리엔테이션] - in 2019 she was nominated for Rookie of the Year, Best R&B and Soul Album, Best R&B and Soul Song at the Korean Music Award and won the Best R&B and Soul Album Award - her first album [fla,flaw] received excellent reviews from Music critics ending with the highest score for an R&B album with a 4.5/5 - she got praised from a lot KHH artists such as: Giriboy, Paloalto, Changmo, Simon Dominic, Khundi Panda, Chaboom etc... - she's close friend with singers Hoody and Sumin - she featured in Giriboy song "Why are we so tired" released in June 10, 2019 - her last release was the single "mama, see" came out in July 26, 2019

YERI (MIXXXD BY)

- female dj and independent singer/producer of MIXXXD BY - she dropped out of elementary school to join Rappercussion (Rapercussion is a band founded in 2008 and has more than 120 musician members from different ages and background), although she was a minor at the time, the director of Rappercussion let her in, she played Caixa for about 4 years while being part of Rappercussion marching band - she has no regrets regarding dropping out of school and joining Rappercussion - thanks to an intensive research on Soundcloud and Instagram she formed the crew MIXXXD BY together with Fremuse (Visual Director) and Noz2cat (Producer) and others, they later found out they all attended the same school - MIXXXD BY concept is collaborating with various artists in order to create synergy, while music visuals express what music can't do on its own - she prefers working with others over working on her own - she's so dedicated about performing and making music that once after being sick and had gotten an IV shot at the hospital she went straight back on stage - even though she's a producer, she always thought of singing as something very interesting and exciting, she uses her voice a lot while producing, according to her, voices makes each individual unique because they are somehow hard to completely mimic not matter how hard someone tries

LUCIGANG

- she was born in 1996 - independent artist - her name was inspired from Kendrick Lamar "Pimp To A Butterfly" Album where refers to Lucifer as Lucy she later added Gang as a way to make the name less feminine - released her first EP on July 4, 2018 called LOVE SCARS - she writes and produces almost all of her songs - she started making music when she was 22 - Dakshood taught her how to make beats - she's friend with High School rapper participant Young Kay who has been supporting her since debut - close friend (boyfriend?) with underground rapper Lucky Bando, she often features on his tracks - Lucky bando and Luci gang are also a duo called Newtown Bangers - she made the pixel art for her music video LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG - most of her musical references are US Rappers - her faveourite rappers are Tyler The creator and Asap Rocky - she enjoys games, reading comics and watching movies since she was a young student, she used to play League of Legends all throughout her high school years and also played Overwatch, she likes horror movies but nowadays she feels as if she became a bit too sensitive to keep watching - she used to live out of the box since very young, she later struggled with mental health in her 20s - She released her very first album "Lucifer's Therapy" which actually explain all her past struggles she has endured, like a sort of "self therapy" story telling. - she can be pretty blunt so people who don't know her can take things personal - Luckybando is indeed Luci Gang boyfriend (lmao) - she would like to collab with BROCKHAMPTON - she is planning to release YouTube content that shows New Town Bangers' process of making an EP, in fact they are planning to release an EP in 2021 - when asked how she defines herself in one sentence she said "An Old Man"

BAMSEM & HYEMINSONG

- both were born in the year 2000 - they are an independent duo - bamsem is the singer while hyeminsong is the producer - hyeminsong used to listen to Tablo Podcast a lot - bamsem dropped out of SOPA - although bamsem english pronunciation is good she admitted giving up on it at school - they first met on soundcloud, they were both 17 at the time and bamsem decided to reach out to hyeminsong, bamsem went all the way to Daegu to meet hyeminsong for the first time - they used to live together but they currently live in the same neighbourhood independently 2 minutes away from each other - even though they live 2 minutes apart, hyeminsong gets lazy to go visit bamsem - bamsem is a great cook and sometimes invites hyeminsong to eat with her - they released their first full album the 30th August 2020 which also includes their first pre-released single "Harue" - their album is titled "STRONG" but each song focuses on weakness aiming to become a stronger person - they both don't regret pursuing a career in music - they both sometimes wished they were under a record label - bamsem sometimes pretends to understand hyeminsong's jokes - bamsem is also Boytello's friend, they used to support each others music, now she sees him more as a "neighbourhood brother" - bamsem wrote "If you" for a "special someone" that now belongs to the past - when they don't agree on an idea they fight - bamsem featured on GEMma track "11:44"

#khh #khiphop #krnb #khhedit #unknownkhhgirlsedit #i really worked hard on this one #tryna make it aesthetically pleasing and collecting all the info possible on these talented girls #i really wish all of them the best not only this year but forever #female khh krnb artists are contributing so much musically they still get underestimated #i really hope they get finally all the love and recognition they deserve #long post #t:info

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loverofallthingssmart · 3 years

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tagged by @dorky-little-hooman thanks luna !! ily and im sorry this took so long sdfgh <33

Playlist Tag Game:

rules: we’re snooping in your playlist. put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs (including music-only stuff like OSTs as well as songs) and then choose 10 victims.

oh boy here we go....

1) tennis court - lorde

2) rich - megan thee stallion

3) before he cheats - carrie underwood

4) in the morning - itzy

5) primadonna - marina

6) akasaka sad - rina sawayama

7) nobody - mitski

8) hypnotize-instrumental - the notorious b.i.g

9) busy boy - chloe x halle

10) other side of hollywood - julie and the phantoms soundtrack

Get To Know Me

Why did you choose your url?

past me was a pretentious snob and was like oh haha youre an intellectual and you only engage with intellectual content so lover of all things smart is PERFECT and now i have too many links in my pinned to go back and fix if i change it so </3

Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

yeah !! i have a sideblog for cql/mdzs @wenqingsgirlfriend thats active bc i didnt want to bother anyone with my cql posting <3 i still kind of post cql on main sometimes though

How long have you been on tumblr?

apparently since 2018 according to memories??? but ive only used it since june 2020

Do you have a queue tag?

yeah !! its "its queue and me forever" although ive stopped tagging my queue lmao

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i would search up " ____ tumblr posts" on google on my phone with random topics to pass time and after my friends talked about being gay with each other my (at the time, straight) self wanted to see if i would get 'gay tumblr' or 'straight tumblr' which to this day i have no clue what that means

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

got tired of the picrew icon and wanted something pink to go along with my what? 3rd pink theme so i scrolled through my pink tag and found the cat in front of the flowers and thought " this is PERFECT omg like" and so i changed it and i was right it WAS perfect <3

Why did you choose your header?

pretty pink flowers to match my whole pink theme (pretty much same story as the icon)

What’s your post with the most notes?

ugh this one which i cringe every time i see it in my activity its just. cringe like idk the fact thats its unided, lok, and was almost uncredited.... no thank you

How many people do you follow?

uhh 105 rn and idk if im gonna cleanse it or follow new people at the moment but that number might change

Have you ever made a shitpost?

yes???? no??? what qualifies as a shitpost?? im sure i have, it just didnt blown up so i forgot it or something

How often do you use tumblr?

all the time bestie im here all the time its an illness (less time now though since my electronics are gone for the most part DFGKJH)

Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

hmm. i dont think so? im normally a stew in silence and maybe rant to a few people kind of person when i get mad/annoyed at a blog but i dont think ive gotten into a fight publicly ghjksfh... i should change that <3

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

theyre just so UGH. i almost ALWAYS scroll down bc i feel burdened by it and if i rb it then others will too and i just sideeye the people who put those kinds of posts on my dash (i unfollow if theyre not a mutual actually)

Do you like tag games?

YEA !! although sometimes i dont do them bc one i forget or two im feeling lazy fghj although feel free to keep tagging me i love them <3

Do you like ask games?

yeah !!!! i dont get that many asks but i LOVE ask games omg

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope !! (i mean.. if anyone is volunteering..... 👀 DFGTHYUIKJ)

Phone Photo Meme Game

rules: choose one picture from ur camera roll without downloading to sum up your personality and then tag 5 ppl

[id: a screencap of a-yuan from the show, "the untamed". he stares offscreen with a distressed and disappointed expression, his arm raised as if he was going to show something. /end id]

im upbeat and cool and positive and then you get to know me </3

no pressure tags! uh @silver-snow @n1ghtangel@panini-the-bird-killer@doingwonderfully and @cxntofgnc <3

#please make your own post and dont rb with your edition my notifs were screwed after the last one fghj #anyway #DFGH the caption is slighly self depreceating but dw i think im lowkey kind of swell to be around :]#at least i hope so #my post #tag game

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grapesodatozier · 3 years

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2020 top 5

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

i was tagged by @tinyarmedtrex !! thank you sm!!

okay so these are all about mike wheeler lmao which tbh is very indicative of the kinda year 2020 was, really just clinging to my favorite comfort character and all of my aus for him for dear life lmao. like i really tried to switch it up but tbh all my best writing is about mike which tracks lol

1. Milk and Honey - wheelzier

I am so proud of myself for how far I’ve gotten in this so far, like ive got an outline and everything?? who am i?? im really proud of my writing and my planning and how much writing i got done in whats a short amount of time for me lol. i wrote this when i had no job and no classes and was feeling v untethered, but @mikewheelerr is an angel and hyped this fic up so much and gave me to motivation to start it and keep with it, so thank you!! i wrote the first 8 chapters at the picnic table in my backyard every day for the last four weeks of my summer vacation, and it was honestly such a special experience. i love these characters and this ship and this story sm and im so excited to keep it going in 2021!! extra thank you to joy bc fr you are so amazing and this fic exists bc of you so thank you thank you thank you <333

2-4 are a trio of mike wheeler high school au pining fics that i banged out consecutively every other day at the end of july?? not sure what i was going through then, think folklore had just come out based on the titles, but whatever the inspiration was im proud of the end results lol so in order of publishing:

2. I Knew You’d Haunt All of My What-Ifs - madwheeler

this is a concept i’d been wanting to write for a while and it is in fact inspired by a real life encounter between me and my boyfriend a few months before we started dating lol so this one’s near and dear to my heart. also im proud of the characterizations here for both of them. and im proud of the setting/atmosphere. also i love mike acting all fussy but not hesitating before helping someone he cares about. madwheeler is a great ship for bittersweet pining lol it works so well for them and i really like the way it turned out here

3. nerd charming - mileven

horrendous title lmao but that’s probably just bc i was so excited to post it bc its so!! cute!! if i do say so myself lol. there is nothing that makes me happier than mileven fluff and this is just them being nerds in english class and having crushes on each other, its pure fluff but i love imagining el in an au and picturing what traits she would still have and what would be different. also both of them being awkward and sweet and nervous around each other, ugh just cute little crushes on each other ): they’re the sweetest ):

4. A Million Little Times - wheelclair

i!! love!! wheelclair!! god they know each other so well, we love that best friends to lovers with the angst and the inevitable fluff. i think this was my first time writing for them but im honestly so happy with the way it turned out, i think i captured their dynamic well while putting a romantic twist on it that feels natural. also im once again v happy with my characterizations. ugh i just love writing about mike working through his feelings and being a dramatic asshole lol. also p proud of the dialogue? i feel like staying true to characters’ voices is one of the hardest things about fanfic and i like to think i did a pretty okay job of it with this fic

5. If These Walls Could Talk - wheelzier

if i could choose a brand to have it would be friends to lovers smut with confessions and fluff that also gets a little kinky lmao. fr i love this fic sm, it’s like a speedrun of my two favorite tropes combined (friends w benefits and fake relationship) since they fake fuck as ~buds~ but then the tension breaks and tbh i love it lol like i said these are my two favorite characters to write, i love them, and i loved writing the banter. I love the fluffy ending with a touch of humor. i love the intimacy and the tension. i love how ridiculous the premise is lmao im so proud of this setup. also theres at least one joke about mike listening to mcr in there which will never not be funny to me lol

as usual i was super late on this lol so im p sure everyone i can think of has already done this, but if you haven’t please do and please tag me!! <3

#tag game #long post

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toadbelly · 3 years

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@successsionhbo tagged me to answer 30 questions and then tag 20 blogs :)

1. name/nickname: marisol; my dad calls me tots & my mama calls me soli

2. gender: hmmmmmmmm

3. star sign: leoooo

4. height: 5'3 ?

5. time: 12:04am

6. birthday: july 30th

7. favorite bands/groups: my chemical romance, air supply, paramore, midland, the eagles, america

8. favorite solo artist: ummmm orville peck?? maybe billy joel??? idk

9. song stuck in my head: annabelle by creeper

10. last movie: the karate kid

11. last show: cobra kai lol

12: when did i create this blog: uhhhh i think 2019 in august but ive been here since i was 11/12 😔

13. what do i post: things i like! :)

14. last thing googled: how to turn off voice accessibility on roku

15. other blogs: i have one for web weaving that ive been too lazy to use, one for spamming/saving refs, and one to dump anime stuff

16. do i get asks: not really! & when i do, i usually dont post them if theyre not anon bc i feel awkward doing that lmao

17. why did i choose this url: i like cowboys

18. following: ive tried to follow more people so 181 now

19. followers: yes

20. average hours of sleep: 6-7 lately

21. lucky number: 3? idk i dont think abt it much but 3s a good number

22. instruments: i dont play anything but im going to brag about how my sister has played the violin her whole life and she was first chair in her college’s orchestra :)

23. what am i wearing: a sweater & jeans bc im too lazy to change before bed :(

24: dream job: i dont know!

25: dream trip: i wanna go on a SMALL road trip and then camp at garner again

26. favorite food: idk but i just had some vanilla and pomegranate flavored cashews yesterday that were so good

27. nationality: american

28. favorite song: vienna by billy joel

29. last book read: sharp objects

30. three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i literally have no idea every show/book/movie i like has terrible things constantly happening in those universes.....but i guess the hades universe would be pretty cool

i am not tagging 20 ppl but @magsturbate @scrungus @silvazoldycks @electricspookaloo @butchcassidy

(obviously not necessary if you dont wanna do this!)

#tried not to pick the same ppl i usually do cause i dont wanna bother yall 🥺#also @ number 12..... yes i AM brain dead #& thanks for tagging me this was fun!!!! also i Love the nova twins too!!! 💛#.txt #me

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aharris00britney · 4 years

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ASKS 19

It’s 6am and Brandon woke me up when he got up to go to work so now... i answer asks bc i cant sleep.

@mileyzangel said: Can you please make a Harley Quinn hairstyle from both Suicide Squad and Birds of Prey?

I went and watched Birds of Prey the other night and it was really good. Brandon went to sleep I think tfgvhb. But I doubt I’ll try doing her hair from either of the films. @enriques4 is working on one for her Birds of Prey look if you are interested in that <3

Anonymous said: is tiny living worth it? im leaning towards the gameplay although i love cas. is the gameplay as bad as people say?

I honestly don’t think the new beds do anything. They’re... there. Lmao I think the CAS and buy items are very nice. If we get some cc murphy beds then that would make them a lot more usable tbh.

Anonymous said: how do you and ayoshi keep making some fantastic collabs?? y'all are literally the first people i go to when I make a fresh install and I can't wait to see what you do next

Anonymous said: AxA CC KINGS!!!

Anonymous said: you guys didnt have to snap like that on AxA

Anonymous said: I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PACK U AND AYOSHI DO PLEASE KEEP MAKING MORE

Anonymous said: another iconic ah00b x ayoshi collab YAS LESSGOOOO

We put a bunch of cc ideas (hair and clothes) in a discord server we have together and then work on the stuff together on call usually so each item is the way we both want me. Like for example i’ll be meshing the Ivy top while he works on texturing the ribbed version. We also only do collabs when they happen, we didn’t plan AxA 2019 or this new set, mainly just made cc starting in May and wrapped it up in July to release in August. Then this time we started making stuff late December and got most of it done by the time I got done with my break. Having a planned collab/deadline makes stuff less stressful and the stuff usually turns out better imo

Anonymous said: hi! ur sims are so prettyyyy what skin texture and eyes do u use?

Anonymous said: hi! wcif the eyes of the sim in the edit that Dogsill edited for you please? thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I really love the way your sims looks so, I was what skin and eyes you use?

I actually am changing my default eyes so I need to update my resource page soon ;n; but the skins they use are all listed for each sim on the resource page here

Anonymous said: you always name axa packs by the year but this one was named after a season those that mean.... 👀

We are wanting to do something in the fall, just not sure how our lives will be then ya know? There’s a chance that this will be the AxA 2020. Since we weren’t sure I didn’t want to label it that if 2 AxA’s release this year lmao

Anonymous said: what game is the pokemon thing you're playing!? pls help a guy out i'm in love with the art style

Pokemon Sword and Shield (I have shield) for Nintendo Switch. I’ll prob post more pics once I get some new shinies :P

@kristabunny said: lol is it bad that when I saw your Santana hair I read it as Satan Hair XD

tbhhhhh it was lowkey referencing that lmao. I made the hair in October for a speed meshing video and since it was around Halloween I was like “lemme give her an almost demonic name” also Santana from glee is a queen

Anonymous said: Tbh I absolutely adore your female cc but I LIVE for your male cc!!!

Thank you! lmao the only thing I can take full credit for is the AxA male hairs. I mesh the clothes for packs but ayoshi does the texturing for them.

Anonymous said: Could you have a go at the updo Dua Lipa has on the cover of her Future Nostalgia? The high bun with a flick in it and the strands of hair down the sides. Thanks if so :)

I’m not the biggest fan of the hairstyle tbh ;n; but we will see. (Physical is a serve, just saying)

Anonymous said: So ive never played pokemon before until my friend gave me a copy of pokemon moon. I love cats so of course my starter was a litten, but i had no clue about evolutions or anything like that. I was heartbroken when my cute litten turned into some big man cat :(

omg noooo ;n; yeah Litten is a cutie... incineroar is... well I got used to him tbh and kind of like him now? I absolutely hate scorbunny’s evolution (and most of the SWSH starters final evolution) so I think that made incineroar slightly better in my eyes. My shiny litten will be staying a kitten however :)

@multifandom-slytherin said: Hello! I love your cc! Would it be possible for you to make the bangs from your Bree Hair a separate accessory that you can put with other hairs (for example the BG low ponytail)? Thank you so much!

Anonymous said: have u considered making or allowing someone to make an acc version of your handmade bangs?

I have thought of doing accessory bangs tbh, I just like... don’t like using accessory bangs myself. So I’m not sure if I’ll end up doing it. I might try it for myself and see how many hairs they work with, and if it is a decent amount I’ll release.

Anonymous said: First off I want to say how amazing all of your hairs and collabs are! Second I was curious if you ever thought of going back to your old hairs and updating their thumbnails / display indexes so they matched your stuff now?

I really really wanted to have all my 2019 hairs updated by 2020. It was only January 2019-April 2019 that needed updated (thumbnails and display indexes). But I just lost motivation for doing it. I will focus on it next time I have a big break from school. Also planning on updating select stuff from 2018 and 2017.

Anonymous said: please put Sophia Barker in the gallery. PLEASEEEEE it's the most beautiful sim I EVER seen! >:3 PLEASEEE!!!!!!!!!!

She should be on there? I think? Make sure you have CC enabled and if you can’t find me through the gallery her tray files are here

Anonymous said: Hi! After the recent patch I started having a small issue with Bree hair(without bangs), when I zoom out it looks like a completely different hair, something similar to that one basegame hair that's layered with tips pointed outward but longer. Thought I'd let you know, maybe others have had a similar issue or maybe I need to change a setting or something. Love your work so much!

Really surprised this is the first time someone told me about this lmao. The hair should be updated now on SFS/Patreon <3

Anonymous said: I tried to look around for this on your "Asks" portion before bothering you (so sorry), but do you have a link perhaps for all the lips you use on your models? Are they in game or a cc you create? Thanks so much! Love all of your work! I'm super new to cc stuff and I found yours like 2 days ago and have been going nuts with downloads lol

like presets? None of my cc models use a lip preset. I do use this slider on some of them though. For lipsticks, that is listed for each model on my resource page <3

Anonymous said: i’ve been looking for a hair like lexi that i actually like forever and now i find it but it’s for paterson peeps and i’m like actually broke and i’m like :/

im sorry ;n; at least it wasn’t too long of a wait? :/ I hope you liked the hair

Anonymous said: I can't find your jisoo ponytails in your downloads?

they’re in my retired section... may they rest in peace. scroll to the bottom of my downloads and youll see ‘RETIRED.’ click that for the retired download page.

@eclypt-0-sims said: Hi, I recently started making MM hair and I know you're probably an expert at this but; every time I go into CAS to test a hair, all of my accessories clip with the hair. Like the hair texture would cover some glasses if my sim was wearing glasses. I don't know how to fix it, someone told me to delete an eye weight in blender but I don't really understand weight painting that much, any suggestions? love your content btw

this is a late as hell reply i’m sorry. I think that you have texture where the glasses texture would be. Hair texture should only be in hair section or hat section (if you don’t want it hat compatible). Here is a UV map layout that I use for making hair textures. It shouldnt have anything to do with weights

Anonymous said: Do you use reshade when you take previews for your cc? and also is the tropical punch ombre overlay a palette or did you make it?

I do use reshade when I take cc previews. It adds a bit of saturation to my sims and gives them some shadows under their chin/clothes. Nothing major. Also, myself and @imvikai came up with the tropical punch palette together.

@little-eris said: You probably have answered this before but who drew your tumblr icon? I’ve seen the same art style with other simmers 👉🏼👈🏼 it’s super cute!

thank you! here is their twitter

Anonymous said: The male sim in your Tiny Living review looks soo familiar; was there inspiration from anyone IRL? The person he reminds me of isn't even famous so I don't even know! He is very pretty though *-*

He was a gallery sim that I just revamped a bit so I’m honestly not super sure lmao. But he is very attractive yes I agree

that concludes this ask ceremony please collect your things and move to the exit to your left. fvghbjn if you sent something I didn’t answer and it was off anon I’ll get to you soon (person who asked what beards I used for AxA... I see you)

#asks #not me spending an hour doing this #im actually kinda tired now but do i sleep #or do i just stay up... i have class at 12 #it is 7am now

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humanemotionssuck · 3 years

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Hello 2021

January 2, 2021

I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.

I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.

I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.

January

Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.

February – March

Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…

START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.

April

Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao

May

Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.

June

Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.

I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)

July

THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.

Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..

I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.

Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.

August

I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.

I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.

On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.

September

ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!

I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.

Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)

*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo

October

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.

Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.

NOVEMBER

WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.

I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.

December

WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.

Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.

I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)

Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..

JANUARY (NOW)

After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.

I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.

I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.

#quaranthings #just quarantine thoughts #2020 #bye2020 #new year

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