#this is what getting milk tea does to motherfucker (me)

[yuurionviktor]

My favorite little gremlin

#the locked tomb #harrow the ninth #gideon the ninth #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the 9th #harrow the first #things ive made #honestly pretty proud of this one #this is what getting milk tea does to motherfucker (me) #did it in 4 hours also which is to me honestly crazy?? #tlt fanart

[2-dsimp]

How did Nokka help Quio raise Peina? It's really funny to me especially after reading him trying to look after his darling and almost burning the house down while using the microwave. I can imagine Quio would be good with her as a teen but Nokka? that's sitcom material right there.

『Featuring your Teen! yandere Husband/Dilf raising Peina 』

——-;———-;———-

“OW FUCK this little shit just bit me! How the hell does it hurt, when she doesn’t even have full grown teeth?!”

Teen! Nokka cursed as he felt his ankle being bitten by baby Peina who had long forgotten her pacifier upon the expanse of the carpet. And had somehow managed to crawl her way near his feet undetected since he was absorbed in watching the superbowl. His ruckus caused Teen! Quio to groan in exasperation and rub at his sleep ridden eyes.

“I’m trying to act out an important scene and you’re making a big deal over getting bitten by a baby? I’m starting to think I’m a single mother of two now.”

Teen! Quio briefly set down his script and let out yet another heavy sigh as he trudged towards the infant with a milk bottle in hand.

“Just—Here, take this bottle of milk and feed her. She’s probably hungry, which is why she’s biting you.”

He one handedly shoved it into Nokka making him grunt out in surprise from the impact of the milk bottle arbitrarily hitting his face. But paying no mind to it Teen! Quio merely picked Peina up cooing at her before side eyeing Teen! Nokka with a judgmental raised brow and a disappointed tsk.

“And Watch your fucking Language! She’s just a baby”

“Motherfucker you just—“

——-;———-;———-

God bless Quio’s maternal instincts for not only having to take care of Peina but his best friend as well while his parents were deployed. Nokka helps by providing refuge and just doing what he can to feed Peina and that’s about it in this particular stage that is. Since This takes place when Quio first started to get settled in with Nokka after he spills the tea about his family situation.

#Nokka the husband #Quio the Dilf #yandere dilf #yandere drabble #yandere oc #yandere male #yanderecore #yandere concept #yandere content #yandere headcanons #yandere dad #yandere community #my ocs #yandere husband

[boy-in-a-flower-crown]

notable people from my seven months of working the graveyard shift

- the regular who came in every day before 5 am to buy at least two lottery tickets and two scratch tickets

   - on one occasion he came in while I was mopping the floor and he couldn't see me and i yelled "hi!" and he responded with "i wish I was"

- the surprisingly well dressed but still very exasperated man who came in at about three am asking for coffee creamer

- the 34 year old 5 foot tall woman who came in wearing hello kitty PJs at 4:45 in the morning and was incredulous that i asked her for ID when she asked to buy cigs

- the man with a smoker's voice who purchased four dollars worth of gas entirely with quarters

- the man who came in without a mask, ordered an extra large coffee, and when I started saying "because you're not wearing a mask i will have to dispense the beverage for you", he cut me off after "mask" and said "oh yeah I'm so sorry dude! i just had the most passionate kiss with someone..." while putting up a bandana. his credit card declined on $2.30 and he then ran away looking for cash. he never came back.

- the man with a heavy russian accent who was very upset that we didn't carry whole coffee beans

- the customer on skip the dishes that ordered five bottles of pepsi, a litre of milk and a bag of wine gums at 1 in the morning

- the person who left a mostly empty tub of Betty Crocker french vanilla frosting open and with a spoon on the counter

- the woman who came in at 1:30am asking to use the bathroom and when I told her no pubic access she said, verbatim, "I'm gonna take his head between my thighs, or what's left of them because I'm a skinny little chicken, and I'm gonna pop it off." no i don't know who "he" is

- the man who came in quite literally strutting at 4:30 am saying "cinnamon buns" over and over

- the kid who told me "have a good evening" at 5:30am

- the woman who asked me for cigs and rolled her eyes when I ID'd her, said "I'm 30 years old", and walked out. that's when I noticed that not only was she in her pyjamas, but she was also wearing slippers. like, in the house with a housecoat, bright pink and fuzzy kind of slippers

- the man who had to be at least in his 40s who was using what appeared to be a spiderman themed velcro clasped wallet

- the man who practically begged me to get the store to order more cinnamon buns

- the man who asked "where's your floss?" at 1:30am

- the absolute chaotic boys who asked me to sell them single cigs

- the Uber driver who told me "bless you and bless your family, you're doing a wonderful job"

- the person who ordered two packs of triple a batteries and nothing else at 1 in the morning

- the very spunky girl who came in at 2 in the morning asking if we sold caramels, and told me "it was a craving i got at 1am and i was like 'yeah let's make this!' and no. it didn't work. toxic sludge from hell." and left.

- the older woman who said "the luckiest married women become mothers, and the luckiest married men become motherfuckers."

- the boys who came in at 11pm and asked if we sold firecrackers

- the guy who straight up asked me if he could steal a taquito

- the people who made popcorn in our microwave at 2 in the morning

- the woman who told me to go masturbate after i ID'd her

- an entirely separate woman who came in wearing different hello kitty PJ pants, asked for cigs, and was incredulous when I ID'd her

- a man with an incredibly thick Irish accent who asked me why i was on the graveyard shift, and after saying "it's a pretty easy shift, especially as an introvert" he said "introversion doesn't exist" then as he was leaving he said, "you're adhd as fuck though, aren't you"

- the person who ordered two bottles of water and three packs of gum at two in the morning

- the woman who, as she was leaving, said "until next time, keep fit, and have fun."

- the man who came in at 4:30 am and told me he just had a really good date with a seagull

- the girl who asked me if her hair gave me a stoner vibe when it actively made me think of an anime girl

- the guy who was driving a bobcat

- the (definitely cis) guy who came in looking for oil and the like at about 4am. when he brought all his stuff to the counter he said, "this shit is getting too expensive" and i responded "this is why I don't drive," to which he said "well if it's got tits or tires it's gonna cause you trouble and it's gonna cost you a lot of money."

- the guy who came in, put two cans of red bull on the counter, then asked if we had twizzlers. upon hearing no, he said "forget it" and walked out without buying the red bulls.

- the man who, to pay for his items, pulled out a jar of coins that included pennies (I'm in Canada, where pennies have been discontinued for almost a decade)

- the man who came in and asked if any sex stores are in the area and open (it was 2 am). after telling him no he tried buying condoms, for which his card declined. he then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to hang out with him when my shift was over.

- the ridiculously drunk man who came in at three in the morning and when I said "hi!" he replied "good"

- the boys in their early twenties who came in at 3am and while waiting for me to grab the slurpee cup i overheard one of them say "look at how good his hair looks, i feel like i should be being fucked looking at it."

- the man who paid for a pack of cigs almost entirely in quarters

- *we'd started doing donations for covid relief in India* the man who after asking if there were sizes for the condoms, during the transaction i asked if he'd like to make a donation and he said "why would I donate to covid?" after his payment went through he said "would you?" and i said "donate to a covid relief fund?" and he said "yeah" and i was like "??? yes???"

- two people asked me if I said the donation was for chlamydia. the first guy said "if it's for chlamydia then I'm not donating" but the second guy said "i mean chlamydia sucks too, I'd donate either way"

- the three very drunk and very considerate girls who were all dressed as flappers

- the guy who asked for four tea bags for his 12oz cup and proceeded to make what I'm assuming was an attempt at a London fog

- the man who came in at about 3:40 after I'd already completed cash counts. he put a jug of chocolate milk on the counter and said "does it bother you that I'm buying this? like, can you keep it a secret just between us?" and i was like "i mean yeah sure" and then i noticed he was holding several rolls of dimes and i told him "i can't take cash right now as I've already completed the counts for shift change" and he was like "not even for gas?" and i was internally like "yeah duh" and then he goes "look man i can go without the gas but i have to have my chocolate milk" and i was like "there's nothing i can do" and then he said "do you drink chocolate milk?" and i said "not frequently, no" and he said "oh, not since you were six?" and i was like "I'm lactose intolerant" which shut him up for about three seconds before he said "you're really not gonna budge?" and then walked out

- the guy who asked for the bathroom and when I said there's no public access he said "what about friends, I've been here twice" and i said "unless you're staff you don't get to use it" and he said "i have a staph infection, does that count" and when my unimpressed look told him no he said "well i tried" and left

- the eighty year old man who was actively using a Bowser snap wallet

- the guy who had to change his tire directly in front of the store at two in the morning

- the guy who punched me in the face with a bottle of iced tea, causing me a concussion and ultimately causing me to quit my job

#funny #funny stories #night shift stories #night shift #work stories #this job sucked #flower boy text post #read all the way through #worth the read

[corrupt-fvcker]

Dating Loki Headcanons…

Dating HCs ( Loki Laufeyson x GN!reader )

Warnings: SFW, gender neutral reader, mentions of loki being gender fluid, fluff, kissing, drinking, marijuana, domesticity, unedited, me lowkey roasting Loki

Word Count: 2.1K

Author’s Note: NO LOKI SPOILERS!! so i just finished the finale and… wow. feel free to send me a message about what you thought about it and/or some requests for loki :) i can also do requests for elaborating on these bullet points. also please correct me if i used improper terminology while writing about loki exploring himself as being gender fluid, i wrote it with my experience in mind though i understand that everyone is different.

Being Loki’s partner is not always easy.

Now, don’t get me wrong, loving Loki is nothing short of a magical experience. When you’re together is when you’re both happiest, it feels as if the stars align and a pleasant sense of peace settles over your conscious like morning fog.

Though, admittedly, loving him can be a bit dangerous. It’s electric. He fills you with energy and passion and power, yet if you’re not careful, you’ll get shocked.

Luckily, Loki is well-aware that he has some work to do when it comes to navigating his thoughts and feelings. While he may be proud and reluctant to admit his issues, he does force himself to do some inner-work for your sake.

He’s incredibly thoughtful when he wants to be. In the beginning of your relationship, it was easy for him to focus on himself. He’s a survivor and a schemer, he weighs his options and picks whichever benefits him the most.

However, as your relationship progresses, he learns to be more selfless. He eventually realizes that he’s happiest when you’re happiest. And over time, he switches his mentality from “how can I benefit from this?” to “how can we benefit from this?” You’re a team, in his mind. One cannot fail without everyone failing, and one cannot succeed without everyone succeeding.

He found that caring for others, specifically you, gets easier the more he does it. The more natural it becomes. He observes. He learns. And he forms habits.

After a particularly cold date involving an unanticipated rainstorm and only one available jacket, he always carries a spare sweater or coat with him, whether it be his or one of yours that he stole borrowed from your closet. And yes, he was a little too proud of himself the first time you needed the emergency sweater (definitely referred to himself as “insightful” and “genius” the rest of the day).

The ocean will dry up before there is a shortage of blankets at your house. He knows that he runs more than slightly cold, and he will not have you suffer from the fact. Heavy blankets for winter, fluffy blankets for autumn, light blankets for summer, knitted blankets for spring— this man could probably open up a blanket shop if he wanted to (he doesn’t, you made that joke already).

He has the smallest tendency to doubt himself. And by that I mean he is filled with self-doubt and insecurity about half the time. Not necessarily with day-to-day things. He knows that he can do chores, drive a car (barely but you’d never tell him that, you’d rather just insist on driving), charm just about anything that breathes, and summon anything he desires in a blink of an eye. But the small yet important things are what get the best of him. He worries you’ll find him to be too much work for what he’s worth. He stays up late at night, sure that one day he’ll step too far over the line. He’s nearly certain that you’ll eventually see through all his bells and whistles, and realize that he’s really not as magnificent as you had originally thought him to be.

Though, much to his fortune, you see through his bullshit. You know that he’s secretly insecure about your relationship and a lot of his qualities. And he’s forever grateful that you’re willing to look past his flaws and still love him. Or, in the very least, tolerate him.

Adjusting to life on Earth does spark a bit of an identity crisis within him. His life of luxury and royal privilege is gone. Though on the bright side, so is his life of torture and misery.

But nevertheless, he does find himself struggling to identify with the parts of himself that he was once so sure of.

He cuts his hair short and then grows it out. Changes his fashion tastes, changes the way he parts his hair, changes the literature he reads.

The changes don’t bother you, in fact you’re glad he’s finding healthy ways to adjust to this major lifestyle change.

At one point, Loki even changed his physical form. For a few weeks, he allowed himself to grow comfortable in his skin as a frost giant. While he didn’t feel entirely himself in this form, he was glad that after a few weeks the anxiety around it faded.

After trying out his form as a frost giant, Loki morphed into female form. While Loki was initially worried to see how you’d react to this change, she was pleased to find that you were happy as long as she was happy. For a few months, Loki remained in female form but ultimately reverted back to male form. Though on occasion he finds himself switching between the two.

He tends to be clingy. He likes to be touching you or have you touching him, though he enjoys when you’re both touching each other at the same time best. He likes it when you lay on top of him with your head on his chest, he likes to feel your heart beating against him. If you play with his hair, he’ll melt. He prefers keeping it long so you’ll braid it— he acts like he doesn’t enjoy you braiding his hair, but you know he does.

Kiss him on the tip of his nose. I dare you. He will turn dark pink before you even pull away.

He will never turn down the opportunity to hold you in his arms. He will kiss the top of your head if he can reach, and if he can’t, he’ll grow a few inches so that he can.

He enjoys cooking for you. There’s just something so simple yet domestic about cooking you something yummy. He’ll attempt to make all your favorite dishes and follow all of your dietary needs. No meat? No problem. No gluten? He’s got you covered. No dairy? He wouldn’t even think about adding some milk or throwing in some cheese as a harmless prank.

Which brings me to an important note: do not prank this man. He will take it personally. And he will not stop until he gets even with you and then some. Petty pranks don’t work on him either. Baby powder in the hair dryer is obvious and he’ll just point the dryer in your direction.

If he’s sick, good luck. You thought a god like him would be above a common cold. You were wrong. He gets super clingy, super whiny, super needy, and kinda turns into a dick. He needs to be spoiled. You need to treat him like he’s dying and these are his last days. If you try to pull “I can’t kiss you, I’ll get sick”— good luck with trying to get him to stop pouting. Don’t say I didn’t warn you (definitely push multivitamins on him for your sake).

He takes the longest in the bathroom when he’s getting ready. Which is ridiculous because he can simply poof! himself into an image of perfection. You’re starting to think he enjoys how irritated you get when he makes you late.

Also, warning! He’s an attention whore, to simply put it. He likes the spotlight, especially when it’s your spotlight. Shower him with affection please, it’s the only way he’ll ever shut his mouth. He’s not scared of causing a scene if it means he gets to spend some more quality time with you. It’s cute but you hate it.

I don’t make the rules, but Loki definitely shaves his legs in the shower because he likes how smooth they are. If you don’t like it, stay mad about it.

While Loki is fancy as fuck, he does love the outdoors. Earth is a beautiful planet, even if he is reluctant to admit it. He loves nature, specifically green forests, sandy beaches, and wild animals.

Side note: never take this man to the zoo. You thought he’d enjoy it because of his love of animals. He ended up freeing about half the animals in the zoo and breaking into about a dozen of the enclosures.

He does not understand the internet at all. Memes? Yeah, not his cup of tea. Though there has been a handful of times you’ve found him smirking over some internet articles, only to find that he enjoys reading insane “Florida man” stories. And he’s also not above arguing with people on Facebook and Twitter. Be careful though because he will throw his iPad across the room and throw a temper tantrum over some “abstract imbeciles.”

He loves dancing. He loves dancing with you even more. He’s got some pretty good ballroom dancing moves but he’s a little clueless when it comes to hip-hop.

Very protective over you. Almost to a dangerous extent. Definitely the type that’s ready to throw down with the first person that looks at you funny. If you get catcalled, hold this motherfucker back because he’s already got a knife in his hand.

Surprisingly, he likes kids. He’s not particularly sure if he wants to have children himself, but it’s definitely a conversation he’s interested in having with you in the future. If you’re against having children, he’s unbothered. If you’re interested in adding members to your family of two in the future, he’s ready whenever you are.

He’s not a huge fan of pets. Though if you already have a pet when you meet or get a pet as a surprise while you’re together, he’s not too bothered by their existence. Definitely gets jealous of the attention your pet receives though. He fits the role of “I did not want this animal but, for some reason, it loves me the most which means I will kill anyone that dares to hurt it.” You tease him when you catch him playing with the pet he didn’t want.

Also, Loki’s a lightweight. Which you find hilarious, because it is funny even if he pouts every time you tease him. He gets incredibly rowdy when he drinks, expect singing, dancing, and broken glasses. He also gets very touchy so don’t be afraid to bop him on the nose if he’s doing too much.

It takes a few years of Loki exploring Earth’s culture before he grows comfortable with the idea of smoking marijuana. But once you explain to him that it’s perfectly safe and that you’ll be by his side the whole time, he’s open to trying it. When Loki is high, expect lots of flirting, lots of touching, and lots of giggling. Don’t even bother playing a stupid comedy movies because he won’t watch it. He wants to spend this high cuddling you and discussing bizarre subjects. Pray this man doesn’t get the munchies because he’ll clear out your whole kitchen. Keep water on hand because he will definitely complain incessantly if he experiences cotton mouth. But if he’s lucky enough to not have an abnormally dry mouth, he would definitely encourage a lazy make out session.

He will definitely come up with a number of super creative terms of endearment for you, but some of his more generic favorites are sweetheart, darling, dear, and love.

Please please please make fun of his Asgardian accent. Mock him, dress up as him and run around the house pretending to be him. Please!!

He also has a thing for you wearing his clothes. I won’t go in depth (unless you want me to) but it does things to him.

You bought him a multi-color beanie with a pom pom sewn to the top of it. You were able to trick him into wearing it once (you told him it was peak Midgard fashion) but Stark ruined it. If you wear this beanie it will still do things to him.

Please let this man style your hair, or at the very least let him wash it when you shower together. But if you let him style it, he’ll get all giddy. You’ve caught him practicing his braiding technique multiple times.

He will want to spoil you. He doesn’t really understand money, and he definitely doesn’t understand what a budget is. But if he sees something that makes him think of you, he’ll buy it. Maybe even buy several of the same item. Please let him shower you with gifts, it’s one of his love languages.

His other love languages? I’m gonna have to go with all. Definitely a sucker for physical affection, but also won’t turn down a genuine act of service or quality time. Also compliment him. Like, a lot.

( masterlist ) ( reblog to show support 💞 )

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #loki odinson x reader #loki #loki fanfiction #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston #marvel #my writing #corrupt-fvcker #loki HCs #cw drugs #tw drugs #cw alcohol #tw alcohol

[sholangagaga]

Incorrect Quotes

Gregory: h

Vanessa: We are not having this argument again

Gregory: BUT YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME

Vanessa: I DON'T KNOW WHY SHAGGY DIDN'T MAKE IT INTO SMASH BROS, OKAY??

-

Roxanne: I always thought Monty was stupid

Roxanne: But one day he referred to the infinity stones as mini chaos emeralds and now I'm wondering if he's hiding his true intelligence.

-

Foxy: Bon, I love you, but we need to talk about this obsession with peanut butter

Bonnie, with a mouthful of peanut butter: mmyu wove mye?

Foxy: Stop fucking eating it, just stop

-

Chica: I never understood people who let candy melt in their mouths. I don't have the patience for that, I'd just bite down!

Freddy: It's like a dishwasher

Monty: what the fuck does that even mean

-

Monty: Boil up some mountain dew, it's gonna be a long night

Bonnie: You could have said literally anything else

Chica: cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, baja blast to fuel my trouble

-

Roxanne: PLEASE revoke your "No Profanity" rule

Freddy: Why?

Foxy, from across the hall: WELL THAT JUST DILLS MY PICKLE

-

Monty: who the fuck decided rendezvous would be pronounced like that

Vanny: Poor monolinguals, they can't seem to understand that other languages besides English exists

Monty: What the fuck did u just call me

Gregory: she called you Mongolian

-

Glitchtrap: Might fuck around and kin a motherfucker

Glitchtrap: Which one of you is it gonna be

Vanny: Are you kinning people or characters?

Glitchtrap: You. Come closer.

-

Freddy: I just don't think the future of the world's honey production would be decided in one courtroom

Freddy: Everything else in bee movie totally tracks

-

Foxy: I actually asked Bonnie if I could talk about him for this interview.

Foxy: He said "Sure, but you can't like, call me a bitch or say you don't like me."

Foxy: Which I would never say because it's not true!

Foxy: Bonnie is a bitch and I like him so much!

-

Vanessa: I possess a somewhat rare ability to detect which buildings are former pizza huts. I won't reveal my methods, other than to say there are certain architectural flourishes that give the game away

-

Chica: the other day I was cutting up avocados and one had a tiny seed and I said to Bonnie "me when I have a tiny seed" and he said "I don't know what that means"

Chica: Today Bonnie was portioning mustard pickles and I said "if i had an old Italian man as a pet that would be the slop I'd put in his trough" and he didn't really like that one either.

-

Bonnie: if cancel culture was real we'd actually stop eating romaine lettuce for good, that shit gets recalled every week

-

Monty: Strawberry milk doesn't taste like strawberry but it sure as hell tastes like pink

Roxy: tea

Monty: girl its milk

-

Monty: Yeah, well, I hate you

Bonnie: No you dont

Monty, bitterly: yeah, I don't

-

Bonnie: Do you remember what Foxy told us?

Chica: that it's not stripping if no one pays us?

Bonnie: He did say that, but no.

#i havent done one of these in a while #theyre such good stress relief #i am attached to these fictional characters #fnaf security breach #security breach #glamstar au #glamstar fam au #incorrect quotes

[haztory]

𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐤 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝. (1)

--iwaizumi hajime x f!reader; fake/pretend dating, mutual pining, third year characters, confident/no-nonsense reader, puppet master oikawa, ocassional cursing, other than that no warnings!

--summary: Iwaizumi Hajime was more than content to not be at the receiving end of the hordes of fangirl's attention. 

But when they all suddenly devote their time and love to him, he can't help but quickly want an out. It's Oikawa's suggestion- a good one at that. Get a girlfriend to scare them off.

And what better than use you, Iwaizumi's best friend with a long standing crush on him, to play the role.

a/n: this is my first haikyuu fic! i did not expect it to be about iwa considering im a huge daichi simp, but that’s what listening to bubble pop electric by gwen stefani and browsing through pinterest does to the brain, ig. please let me know if any characters are too ooc, as im still trying to get them down.

other than that, enjoy! messages are always appreciated. 

(w.c. 4836)

masterlist | next chapter

Iwaizumi Hajime was hand sculpted by the gods, the entire female student body deduces with fanatic agreement one blessed afternoon. His shoulders are broad, skin rippling like waves breaking on rocks under the movement of his muscles. His stomach is firm and taut with the lining of his abs and his pectorals are considerably large enough to have every single girl in attendance foam at the mouth. And as he raises one— bulging — arm to wave sheepishly to the widened eyes of the crowd, his thick and veiny hand on full display, a collective moan is heard throughout the building. It has the poor boy ducking his head downward even further. 

The fundraiser arranged to cover the expenses of the volleyball team’s traveling to away games exceeded its initial goal (that of which the all-female led student council was greatly responsible for) resulting in the entire team parading themselves around the cafeteria as a reward for the students’ commitment to the task. 

Shirtless.

And while attention from the female population has usually always been paid to the star setter, Oikawa Tooru and all of his addicting charm, his absence in this mouthwatering and delectable ceremony has allowed for the ace and vice-captain of the Seijoh Volleyball Team to shine. Oh, and shine, he has. 

Within a mere five minutes, the fiercely devoted and militant fanclub belonging to Oikawa has suddenly converted— briefly, they insist— to the groupies of Seijoh’s Vice Captain: powerful ace, leader of offense, total hottie. 

The attention increases tenfold from that point on. Suddenly, Oikawa is no longer the only one receiving love confessions numerous times on a daily basis (much to his chagrin), but instead is sharing the spotlight with his best friend, who is more than uncomfortable with the unexpected shift in notice. He was never ecstatic at being labeled as ‘Oikawa’s number two’, adamant that he was his own entity despite the intricate intertwinement with his best friend, he was, in fact, totally fine with never being hounded by girls at every minute of the day. Sure, the attention would be nice, occasionally. 

But this? This is outrageous.

This is the tenth girl today to have stopped by his locker, a pink flush encompassing her face as she sticks her hands out to present something to Iwaizumi. It’s tupper ware, decorated in a pink bow with his name written in cursive on the top accompanied by some cute glitter stickers. That would make this the fourth container he’s received this morning, and as much as the whole act fills him with a deep dread and hesitation, he doesn’t have the heart to reject her gift. Especially when her hands are shaking so hard and she’s stuttering every other word out. 

So he puts on the standard smile, the one that he’s seen Oikawa pump out a hundred times a day but fails to meet in equal warmth and charm, and thanks her graciously and sincerely— even though he’s not that big a fan of milk bread and this is the third one he’s going to have to shove into his locker. 

He bows to her with an awkward smile, “Ah, thank you, uh…”

“H-Hina!” she shouts, her hands slapping upward towards her mouth after the outburst. The pink flushes deeper on her skin, and Iwaizumi has to wonder what exactly is going through the air for a girl to have this kind of reaction to him. He hasn’t changed, hasn’t developed a new attitude that should have girls swooning at his feet. He’s the same as always, stubbornly so. He is Iwaizumi Hajime, hardass, avid monster movie watcher and the usual second thought. He supposes he should feel somewhat elated at the long-awaited recognition, but he can’t shake off the feeling that this is all incredibly unwarranted. 

It's a surface value attraction. They're not really swooning for him, just the idea of him. That stings a bit more than he’d like to admit.

“Hina,” he affirms with a gentle nod, bowing his head in gratitude, “Thank you for the treat. I will, uh, treasure every bite.”

He doesn’t mean it to be anything charming (because he’s not) nor even remotely romantic (because it’s not), it’s just what he comes up with at the top of his head, but Hina starts to shake and a watery smile spreads across her face when she hears it and he knows he’s made this whole thing much worse. Before he can even awkwardly ask if she’s alright, she bows hurriedly again before running off with a shriek. 

It's then that he’s sure Oikawa is one sadistic motherfucker because there is no way anyone mentally sane could take that reaction as a compliment. There’s an intense guilt that settles in his stomach for the rest of the day for causing a girl to tremble like that. 

Curse the student council for that stupid fundraiser award. He would much rather walk to every away game than have to go through another day of this. 

He opens his locker again, placing the container in there amongst all the other ones and the numerous handmade cards declaring affection. He closes it with a sigh. He can only hope that this phase of adoration is reaching its end. 

Quickly.

**

It does not end quickly. 

It's month three of endless confessions and Iwaizumi is about to lose his mind. Word spreads about his favorite kinds of teas and sweets (which he is sure Oikawa is directly responsible for) and his locker starts to resemble a mall kiosk more than any part of school property. The outside is decorated with stickers and taped with more love cards and he’s pretty sure someone found out his combination (again) because there are balloons floating out of it.

It's a circus. One that Mattsukawa and Hanamaki repeatedly laugh about every time they see it. 

He would like to indulge in the acts or at least make some kind of peace with the situation, he really would. He’s always fantasized in passing about the pride and specialty one must feel at being the center of female attention, having seen it and thwarted it first hand from Oikawa’s fans, but the longer this drags on the more fraudulent he starts to feel.

How can he enjoy his favorite foods when the girls giving it to him are blinded by a false idea of him? They’re not genuine, and if he accepted them, he would only feel like a bad guy, taking advantage of poor girls who haven’t got the slightest clue about him. Because Iwaizumi doesn’t have the million dollar smile like Oikawa does, nor does he have the oozing charm and commercial personality. 

He’s hard, and stubborn, and less inclined to entertain bullshit— the complete opposite of shitty-kawa. So whatever perception these girls think they have of Iwa, they’re wrong. and he can’t accept gifts from these girls who think they love him, when in reality, he’s the furthest thing from what they assume he is. 

“Why are you so adamant to believe that what they feel isn’t real? What's so ridiculous about liking you? Hmm?” Oikawa sings with a laugh one afternoon, the whole team crammed into the club room as they change out of their practice gear. the other guys snicker at Iwaizumi’s dismay, the usual frown painted on his face is permanently etched deeper into his skin and he knows they’re all getting a sick enjoyment from his torture.

The constant reliability to the chaos Oikawa brings is now subjected to his own taste of havoc. And he’s absolutely miserable. 

In all of his stubborn self-sufficiency, he’s refused to even indulge the guys with a verbal complaint, simply grumbling at the gifts before moving on with his day. Intent on dealing with this problem on his own and prohibiting himself from being a burden to anyone else. 

But he’s off his a-game in practice and the crease between his eyebrows is now a persistent feature on his face these days.

“Because it's not real,” he grunts, throwing his sweaty shirt into his sports bag, “They don’t like me.”

Hanamaki snorts from across the benches, a wide smile on his face as he unlaces his shoes and sings, “They only like him for his bodyyy.”

“Can you blame them? Who would ever like Iwa for his personality?” Matsukawa joins him in snickering, earning a killer glare from the victim in question. Not helping. They only laugh harder. 

“So what?” Oikawa questions amusedly, ignoring the sarcasm dripping from the other two third years, leaning his body against the lockers as he watches his best friend ripple with frustration. A constant sight these days.

“So what?” Iwaizumi turns to look at him, incredulity furrowing his features as his friends look at him like he’s grown a third head for being reasonably uncomfortable with this, “It's weird. They’re giving all of these nice gifts to a guy they barely know and they all look at me like a piece of meat.”

“God, girls objectifying you? The horror.” Mattsun torts again, earning a water bottle thrown at his face.

“So what?” Oikawa laughs again, the kind of laugh that reverberates around the room and rings a little too loudly in his ears. He’s heard this laugh thousands of times over the years, coming out to play when Oikawa is far too keen on putting Hajime as the butt of a joke. The mockery is clear in his voice, bleeding in the two simple words yet weighing like a hundred. He can usually take it, dish it back with equal fervor to his best friend, but this time around, he can’t. 

This whole mess of a situation sits heavily on his shoulders and for the first time, any attempt to just barrel through a problem like he so often does seems pointless to Hajime. Because no matter how much he ignores, no matter how often he declines, the girls will continue to only see Seijoh's ace. Not Iwaizumi Hajime. 

He sighs. He doesn’t know what he was expecting in venting to his friends. Validation if they were any nicer, but deep down he knew it would take a different trajectory. 

Maybe they’re right; Maybe he is blowing this out of proportion. Maybe he should just accept the gifts, enjoy them while he can because the girls are choosing to do it. They’re not being held against their will, nor is anyone really being hurt by these peculiar circumstances. It's, theoretically, a win-win.

It doesn’t stop the pit in his stomach from sinking even lower when he sees girls stop their chattering in the hallways as he passes. It doesn’t stop the overwhelming feeling of disappointment he feels when he notices they stare at his biceps before his face before dashing away. 

 Matsukawa shuts his own locker with a grumble, “Must be nice.”

“You wanna take my place, Issei?” iwaizumi turns to look over his shoulder, meeting the mischievous twinkle of the middle blocker. 

“Yeah man, I do. Girls at my feet everyday bringing me food? That’s every guy’s dream.”

“Yeah, if every guy was a piece of shit like you.” The words tumble without second thought and Hanamaki finds himself clutching his stomach with laughter at the retort. He doesn’t mean to direct his anger at his friend, but it seeps into his words anyways. He’s lucky they’re good enough sports to take it in stride. Even if the twinkle in Matsukawa’s eyes dims and he grumbles a “shut up” while he slaps the back of Hanamaki’s head. 

He knows a solution— or sympathy— won’t be offered in his venting, adamant that this is something he needs to solve on his own, but he can’t help himself. He just has to get it out. “I can't even go to class normally anymore. There’s always a girl waiting for me.”

His back is turned towards his friends as he folds his gym clothes into the open cubby, but even despite the absence of his facial expression, the other three sitting near him can hear the exhaustion in his voice. Much as they might tease him, they’ve sat front and center to the slow decline of Hajime’s sanity and comfort as he was thrust suddenly into the spotlight that he was ill-prepared for. He’s laughably out of his element, but his plight is severe enough for all three of them to occasionally step in.

Hanamaki and Mattsun have had their fair share of instances in which they’ve had to redirect of a horde of girls hounding at them for Iwaizumi’s location, telling them that they had no idea where Iwaizumi could have gone when in fact, he was hiding in the clubroom. And while they would’ve been more than happy to send them his way just to watch him fluster and stutter, the two friends knew the momentary laugh wouldn’t have been worth the further depletion of Hajime’s confidence and happiness. Iwaizumi wants this attention to be for something genuine, for something that he was directly responsible for and can be proud of. Not something as surface value as an attractive body. 

Truth be told, all three of Seijoh's third years want to help him as much as Iwaizumi wants this to be over. But just like him, they have no idea what to do.

Hajime sighs again, “Don’t even get me started about when I’m with (Y/N). You think stalking is bad? Try having to deal with evil glares too.”

Scratch that. They have one idea.

The mention of the ace’s other best friend, the one that they’re all too familiar with, has all of Seijoh's members perking their heads upward in interest. A lightbulb going off simultaneously as they all share a glance with one another. Hanamaki looks up to Oikawa who looks to Mattsun who looks to Hanamaki. Their eyes darting between one another, telepathically asking the same question.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Hanamaki and Mattsun finalize their answer with a hard stare at Oikawa and smirks on their faces. They both give a long nod to their captain and like the well-oiled machine the Seijoh Volleyball Team is known to be, a plan is formulated and put into action before anyone can blink. 

“Oh?” Oikawa prods, taking the initiative. His grin is suddenly more wicked than before, “How so?”

Iwaizumi notices the subtle change in tone in the conversation, can hear the smile in Oikawa’s words, but he doesn’t think much of it. Simply attributing it to the mention of the beloved figure they’re all acquainted with. He can’t blame them, finding his own mood has tipped upward at the mere thought of you. And while he has apologized to the moon and back for inadvertently getting you involved in this nightmare of a situation, there’s a resounding comfort he feels at knowing that there's at least one person on his side. One person that is willing to trudge through the mud with him, regardless of how often they complain.

Because whatever happens to him happens to you, you insist. So if he has to deal with a hundred fangirls, then so do you. 

He plows on, airing out his struggles and frustrations with his newfound attention. “They’re always staring at us, making the whole thing uncomfortable when we’re just hanging out. (Y/N) even told me she once got cornered in the girls’ bathroom during lunch.”

Oikawa gasps, always enthralled with any juicy gossip, especially on the rare occasion that it involves you— his beloved, headstrong, annoying other best friend. “What did they say?”

“Some weird shit about staying away from me, like I was their property.”

“And what did (y/n) say?”

Iwaizumi laughs, a genuine one that has been missing since this whole ordeal began. He turns to look at his friends, the smile reaching his eyes and pushing upwards on his cheeks. If they weren’t sure of their plan before, the happiness on his face was enough of a push to solidify it. The happiness that only someone specific can bring out. “It's (Y/N). What do you think she said?”

Oikawa, all too familiar with your personality and deviance from the norm since age ten, huffs out a laugh, “Hmm, let me guess, something about doing whatever she wants with whoever she wants.” 

“No, actually, she—” 

You’re washing your hands in the sink of the bathroom when you hear a cough from behind you. Looking upwards into the mirror, you are suddenly confronted with the reflection of six girls circling around you.

A groan tumbles out of your mouth. You knew something like this was bound to happen, jealousy always emerging victorious whenever girls were thirsting after a young man. You just didn’t think it would be happening so soon, only two months into the fanatic obsession with your best friend. It’s your fault really, you should’ve prepared for a moment like this to come. But as they all shoot daggers into your reflection you can’t help but recognize how woefully dreadful this is.  

You'd kill Hajime for inadvertently getting you into this if he wasn’t already feeling so guilty about it. 

Each one stares at you with an intense fury, and while you’ve never considered yourself to be much of a fighter, you’re mentally preparing yourself to throw a couple of punches in this cramped bathroom. You won’t win, six against one is hardly a story of triumph, but you’ll be damned if you get intimidated by this raging group of hormones. 

The faucet stops, with almost impeccable comedic timing, and a silence emanates throughout the area. It's awkward, painfully so and their silent stares are not helping.

“Uh… Can I help you?”

The one in the middle (the leader, you assume) stands with a hip jutted out and her arms crossed. You’ve seen her in passing before. Her eyes narrow at your question, “So, are you two dating?”

You have to force yourself to not roll your eyes. Of course this is where this was going. Because God forbid anyone have friends of the opposite gender. Indicator number one that the interest of these girls was superficial, considering if they even really had been interested in more than the prospect of having access to Iwaizumi’s body, they would’ve realized that you’ve been in his life for a lot longer than he’s had any redeeming qualities— including those rocking arms of his. 

You won't entertain this, something you’ve been adamant about even if Hajime has insisted you don’t , especially not when it's causing Iwa all this grief that you’ve had to comfort him through time and time again. 

“Who’s asking?” You all but bark back, patience wearing thin.

The one to the right of the leader— Pigtails, you’ve taken to calling her— scoffs and stomps her foot, “We are, obviously!”

Patience is below the ground now.

The left one, the one with pink hair, speaks this time, “Iwaizumi won’t even talk to us for more than a minute but he lets you hang around! So, if you’re not dating you have to tell us!”

“Why?”

“So that you can help us get closer to him!”

“Yeah, no.” you respond curtly, feeling rather nauseous at the lengths in which these girls are going just to get his attention. Cornering his friend and doing a piss-poor job at intimidating them into coercing them for information about him. No wonder Hajime's been feeling so depressed. 

Taking the piss out of him used to be fun, something you and Pikawa could share profound pleasure in, but now that it's at your front door and reeking of death, you’re quickly realizing just how much you owe that spiky haired idiot. 

You grab your bag that lay at your feet, turning to face the six girls with a mirthless smile despite the hatred burning in their eyes.

“Good luck with… whatever it is you’re trying to do.”

You’re almost out the door when the leader, who has puffed out her chest and taken a step forward  blurts out, “If you’re not going to help us, then you better stay out of our way.”

There are few people in this world that you’ve dreamt about punching. Oikawa has made the list a couple times, but that’s only when he’s being particularly obnoxious. Iwaizumi has too, usually when his hard headedness has conflicted with yours, but even then the situation is usually better within the next hour. 

But this girl, oh this girl, she has made the top of your list in record time. And you highly doubt she’s coming off of it anytime soon. And now that you’ve gotten a good look at her, you’re starting to remember exactly where you’ve seen her before.

You raise an eyebrow at her intimidation, “Or what?” 

(You have to pat your back for that one because you really sound like the scary third year you’ve always dreamt of being.)

She doesn’t falter in her misplaced confidence, a smile pulling at her lips, “If he’s not yours, then he’ll be one of ours soon enough. And I can promise you, every boyfriend I've ever had always dropped his girl best friends when I asked.”

“Uh huh,” you glance at your watch that shows there are only fifteen minutes left in lunch. Might as well start on your meal now.

You pull the backpack slung over your shoulder in front of you, unzipping the large pocket and pulling out a familiar container. The girls gasp when they see it. 

It's pink and has a little cat design on the front of it. Very cute and very distinct. You pop open the top, grabbing the milk bread that lies inside with your left hand and holding the lid and the box with your right. The lid is tilted forward, granting all the girls clear viewing of the cursive ink that lies on it.

The name is clear and the handwriting incredibly recognizable. The leader’s mouth gapes open.

You take a bite out of the treat, a dramatic moan escaping your mouth. You point at the girl, “Mm. You made this right?”

She doesn’t answer. None of them do. They only stare with wide eyes.

“I remember seeing you give this to Iwa this morning. It’s really good. He's not a big fan of milk bread, so he’s been giving them to me but I’ve enjoyed every single one of them! Although I am getting tired of eating the same thing over and over. So, if you’re taking suggestions, try Agedashi Dōfu. It's Iwa’s favorite.”

You lick your lips to make the point clearer. A gentle reminder of your place and their lack of one in his life. They seem to get it.

“Right then. Bye ladies! This was fun! I’m sure Hajime will be thrilled to hear all about it.”

Iwaizumi finishes recounting the story with a childlike wonder, meeting the furrowed brows and agape mouths of his friends with a joyous smile. There’s an unmistakable twinkle of affection in his eyes, one that he must not even realize is there. But it's noticeable, and his friends recognize it.

It's the same look he always gets whenever he talks about you. 

It was mean of you to humiliate those girls like that, he knows, but his smile when recounting the tale is more than indicative of his true feelings behind the action. He briefly lectured you about it after you told him, insisting that it was important to be nice to these poor girls who didn’t know any better, that you begrudgingly agreed to, but he thinks about it often. Thinks about it at practice, in the middle of class, and every time he sees you.

He didn’t know how he felt about it, but from the way it warmed his cheeks and filled his chest with a weird lightness, he knew he was ultimately appreciative of the action. Honored that you would stick up for him unapologetically and protect him from unassuming teenage girls.

It shouldn’t be much of a surprise. Were the roles reversed he would do the same for you in a heartbeat. But still, he thinks about it. A lot.

“I haven’t seen those girls since, but I have been getting a lot more Agedashi Dōfu, so I guess that’s a plus.” He shrugs his shoulders in nonchalance returning back to the contents of his locker but the remnants of a smile plays on his lips. 

“Well, how ‘bout that?” Oikawa coos. He steps closer to Iwa, placing his hands on the ace’s shoulders and giving them a good natured shake. 

“I think I have the perfect solution to your problem, Iwa-chan.”

**

“You want me chu do wha?” you ask, mouth full of milk bread as the boy in front of you conveniently avoids your eye contact. 

It's the seventh container he’s handed you this week, and while your little incident has quickly diminished the amount he usually receives, there are still the occasional stray containers with the sweet that he instinctively hands to you. 

This time it came in a purple container. No outlandish designs or stickers like the other ones, but there is a written poem on the top comparing his eyes to the dirt of the Miyagi mountains. You suppose that’s romantic, but your leniency only goes so far. Particularly when this poem has no clear rhyming pattern. 

You’ve long since passed the point of guilt for eating all of the treats that were clearly not meant for you. Hajime was much too conflicted with the gifts to even consider smelling them, so it serves as a solution to the problem to just give it to you. He doesn’t have to worry about maliciously taking advantage of these girls and you get food. 

Win-win.

And while you’re not that into milk bread (having eaten it almost everyday for the past couple of weeks), your consumption of it seems to give him some peace of mind. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. And really, that’s all you’ve ever wanted for him.

But this is going too far.

Swallowing the last piece of milk bread, you look up at the idiot from your place on the bench. He stands in front of you, hands shoved deep into his pockets and shuffling from foot to foot. 

“You’re joking, right?”

This is a joke. It has to be. There’s no way the world would be this cruel to you.

His eyes remain averted, his thumb and index finger pinching the bridge of his nose as if it would wake him up from this endless nightmare, “Look, it’ll only be until I can get these girls to back off of me a little.”

“No.”

“Wha— (Y/N).” He breathes out, a twinge of desperation and pleading seeping into his voice as he finally looks into your eyes. He doesn’t know what he expects to see, but the pure and unadulterated seriousness is not one of them. He’s almost convinced to drop the subject altogether. Almost.

“Whose idea was this?” You practically growl out, closing the container and cleaning your surrounding area of any stray crumbs. You thrust your hand outward, shoving the container his way. He takes it from you without question.

“Does it matter?”

“Whose?”

“...Oikawa.”

Of course it was. “I’m gonna kill him.”

“(Y/N),” he says your name more forcefully. It’s the same tone he uses with Oikawa when he’s being whiny. It's enough of a bite to have you stop rearranging your items for a brief moment, meeting his determined gaze with one of your own. He stares intently, eyes unwavering in their silent plea to make you understand.

That’s the worst part about it. He’s serious, and he’s confident that this is the only way to solve the problem that’s been plaguing him for the past three months. 

If there's one thing you know about Iwaizumi Hajime, it’s that he’ll solve any problem on his plate and won’t stop until it's fixed. He’s responsible to a fault, refusing to burden others unless absolutely necessary. The fact that he’s viewing this to be the only solution and actually trying to persuade you is indicative enough of how desperate he is. 

Even more so indicative of how truly fucked you are, considering you’ve already made a decision before he even explains further.

Damn him and that hard head of his. 

Damn Oikawa for knowing what he does and still dragging you into this mess. No doubt he was thoroughly enjoying this.

“Will you please be my girlfriend?”

Damn that student council and their stupid fundraiser for getting Iwaizumi Hajime, the boy you’ve been best friends with since you were ten and had a crush on since you were thirteen, to ask you to be his fake girlfriend in order to thwart off hordes of fangirls. 

Damn you for already having an answer before you can even think twice.

Iwaizumi Hajime was hand sculpted by the gods, and they were all laughing at your expense now. 

end notes: whoop there it is. let me know what you all think! should i keep going? should i say fuck a degree and major in iwazumi hajime? idk man im about to.

#iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi hajime x you #iwaizumi x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #hq x reader #hq x you #my writing #haikyuu!!

[crying-in-a-stall]

Incorrect Sanders Sides

Virgil: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Roman: >:O language Patton: Yeah watch your fucking language Janus: OKAY WHO TAUGHT PATTON THE FUCK WORD? Roman: 'The fuck word'. Logan: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Roman: Oh my god they censored it Remus: Say fuck, Logan. Virgil: Do it, Logan. Say fuck.

Virgil: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world! Roman: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment. Janus: More or less, I guess... Patton: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that! Remus: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept. Logan: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

Roman: Hewwo. Patton: Hihiiiiii! Logan: Greetings, Humans. Janus: Three kinds of people. Virgil: I want pudding. Janus: Four kinds of people. Remus: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? Janus: Five kinds of people.

Logan: Just be yourself. Virgil: 'Be myself'? Logan, I have one day to win Roman over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me? Patton: Couple weeks. Remus: Six months. Janus: Jury’s still out. Virgil: See, Logan? Virgil: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

Virgil: Croissants; dropped Roman: Road; works ahead Remus: BBQ sauce; on my titties Patton: Shavacado; fre Janus: Miss Keisha; fuckin dead Logan: Logan, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Patton: We need to distract these guys Remus: Leave it to me Remus: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Logan, Roman, and Janus: *Immediately begin arguing* Virgil, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

Virgil: Rules are made to be broken. Logan: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Patton: Uh, piñatas. Remus: Glow sticks. Janus: Karate boards. Roman: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Virgil: Rules. Logan: …

Logan: Dumbest scar stories, go! Roman: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Patton: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Remus: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Janus: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Virgil: … Virgil: I have emotional scars.

Logan: Anyone d- Virgil: Depressed? Roman: Drained? Patton: Dumb? Remus: Disliked? Janus: Distrusted? Logan: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people …

Patton: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life Virgil: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years! Janus: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this! Roman: I knew I lost that potential somewhere! Remus: My moral code, is that you? Logan: ... Patton: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Janus: Nothing in life is free. Patton: Love is free! Roman: Adventure is free. Logan: Knowledge is free. Virgil and Remus at the same time: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

Patton: What does 'take out' mean? Logan: Food. Roman: Dating Virgil: Murder Remus: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Remus: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Janus: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Virgil: I recorded the dumb stuff. Patton: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Logan: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

Janus: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Roman: 'Prettiest Smile' Patton: 'Nicest Personality' Remus: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Virgil: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Logan: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do? Virgil: Have everyone stand. Patton: Bring three more chairs! Janus: The most important ones can sit down. Remus: Kill three.

Logan: Good morning. Patton: Good morning. Roman: Good morning. Thomas: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Virgil: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

Patton: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? Remus: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies Janus: Socks are Feetie Heaties Virgil: Forks are Stabby Grabbies Remus: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties Virgil: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies Janus: Stamps are Lickie Stickies Logan, annoyed: You are disappointments Roman: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Logan: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Patton: Three of us saw it, Logan. How do you explain that? Logan: *points at Janus* Sleep deprivation. *points at Virgil* Paranoia. *points at Remus* Delusional personality disorder. And you just believe everything, Patton.

Janus: Favorite horror movie? Remus: It Logan: Saw Roman: Annabelle Virgil: High School Musical. After watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

Virgil: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends. Remus: ... Your what? Virgil: My friends. Janus: Are they saying “friends”? Remus: I think they're being sarcastic. Janus: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Virgil! All of your friends are in this room. Virgil: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Patton, trying to convince Virgil to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong! Roman: And grumpy! Logan: And oblivious to reality! Virgil: …

Roman: You lying, cheating, piece of shit! Virgil: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD Roman: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING PATTON WITH ME Logan, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

*Patton is cooking* Roman: Any chance that’s for me? Patton: It’s for Logan. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side. Virgil: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

Patton: Hey, is Roman sleeping or dead? Virgil: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts. Logan: Yeah, so did I. Roman: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Virgil: Is stabbing someone immoral? Janus: Not if they consent to it. Remus: Depends who you’re stabbing. Logan, who was dragged into the dark sides meeting: YES?!?

Janus: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Patton: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Logan: Self-care is any necessary human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated. Janus: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Virgil: Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Roman: Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Remus: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Patton: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Roman: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of Nachos. Logan: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Virgil: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any Nachos? Patton: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Roman, banging on the door: Virgil! Open up! Virgil: Well, it all started when I was a kid... Logan: No, they meant- Patton: Let them finish.

Janus: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night. Virgil: You were flirting with Remus. Janus: So what? They're my partner. Remus: You asked me if I was single. Virgil: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Store Worker: Would a ‘Janus’ please come to the front desk? Janus, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker: points to Remus and Virgil Store Worker: I believe they belong to you? Remus and Virgil, simultaneously: We got lost :( Janus: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

Janus, driving Remus and Virgil: So how was your day? Remus: We almost got surprise adopted! Janus: What? Virgil: We almost got kidnapped. Janus: Oh, okay. Janus: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Janus: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Remus: The cow??? Janus: What? Virgil: Remus, W H Y?

Roman: Virgil, my old arch enemy. Remus: ... I thought I was your arch enemy? Roman: I have a life outside of you, Remus.

Remus: How's the sexiest person here~? Janus: I don't know, how are they~? Remus, flustered: I- Virgil, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Patton: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Virgil: I'm a knife. Roman, from across the room: They're the little spoon.

Roman: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Logan does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff? Patton: If Logan were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Logan jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Roman: You jump off a cliff! Patton: Gladly. Provided Logan did first.

Janus: I know you snuck out last night, Remus. Virgil: Play dumb! Remus: Who's Remus? Virgil: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

Roman: Fitness tip, never stop pushing yourself. Logan: Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Virgil: Why not 9? Why not 10? ]Janus: Strive for greatness. Roman: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Patton, from the background: Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Remus from the background: Burn your ex’s house down. Roman: You can do it. I believe in you. Thomas: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Remus: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place. Virgil: You people already know too much about me. Janus: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Virgil: Janus, can I talk to you for a second? Janus: Yeah, what’s up? Remus: Lemme guess. You and Roman are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Virgil: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Remus: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Janus: Wasn't Virgil with you? Virgil: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Remus: Okay, help me please! Virgil: Got two words for you. Janus: I bet they won't be helpful. Virgil: Your problem. Janus: I was right

Virgil: So are we flirting right now? Roman: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU Virgil: That doesn’t answer my question

Patton: Where are you going? Remus: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there Patton: Can you get me a strawberry cone? Janus: Can you kill Virgil? Virgil: Can you kill Roman? Roman: Can you kill Janus? Logan: Can you not commit a felony?

Logan: It’s dark in here Patton: Don’t worry fam, I got this Patton: *Stomps their feet* Patton: *Sketchers light up*

Logan: So what do you do? Janus: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers. Logan: Wow, impressive. Janus: Then I'll move on to Leos.

Remus: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve. Roman: I think you mean cards. Remus, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

Virgil: We went through an entire character arc during quarantine Janus: We all became more evil if you’re curious Patton: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still! Remus: I’m going to get worse on purpose

Patton: Am I in trouble? Logan: Take a guess. Patton: No? Logan: Take another guess.

Patton: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Roman: *holding in a laugh* Logan: Patton, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... Virgil: *Sips coffee from bowl*

Virgil: You kill people for money?! Virgil: Can I pay you? Janus: Virgil no- Remus: And all this time I’ve been doing it for free like a chump!

Roman: What are your goals? Thomas as Patton: To pet all the dogs. Logan: No, fitness goals. Thomas as Patton: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

Patton: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them. Virgil: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

Virgil: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my paranoia. I'll wait. Patton’s Card: FAM - ILY Virgil, tearing up: Okay.

Logan: I actually have a black belt. Roman: In what, karate? Logan: No, from Gucci.

Remus: Am I going too far? Janus: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Patton, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts! I still can’t find a boo. Logan: Babe, I’m right here.

Remus: You think I really give a fuck? I can’t even read.

Virgil: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT. Roman, from across the room: You tell ‘em, babe!

Roman: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Remus: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

#incorrect sanders sides #incorrect quotes #incorrect sanders sides quotes #sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil #roman #patton #janus #remus #logan

[derivativealigner]

Well I haven’t watched sp all the way through for about a decade now, so I thought it was time

Sometimes I wonder how accurate the fandom is when it comes to how we interpret the characters. Like, why is Stan a football star so often in fanfic and why’s Kyle always the smart one? So I thought I’d rewatch the show and make notes along the way to see where the source of all these interpretations is. I also wanted to see if I could get some fun info to analyze, but season 1 is pretty sparse in that regard so there’s not too much of that in this post, but I’ll make a post for all the other seasons too as I watch them

In summary, it’s established in season 1 already that Stan’s a star quarterback and an animal lover, Kyle’s an A+ student, and Kenny is poor and knows a lot about sex and doesn’t have many qualms about doing crazy shit. Cartman is a bit weird since he’s mostly just a naive brat in this season, but he and Kyle have a mildly antagonistic friendship already

I have all my notes under this cut. They include a bunch of small details and other observations. I also listed every Kenny death just because

Ike has freckles

Cartman says “Weak!” and “You guys” and “Seriously” a lot from the start, also “Kickass!” He doesn’t say weak or kickass much in the later seasons iirc

Stan says “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here” three times in this season but they dropped that catchphrase pretty quickly

Bebe got named in episode 2

Stan’s been an animal lover since s01e03 Volcano since he won’t shoot a bunny or anything else. He does shoot Scuzzlebutt at the end though

Cartman’s a pathological liar but in a childish way

Randy got named in s01e03 Volcano (and it only got worse from there)

The mayor went to Princeton

South Park is next to Mt. Evanson

Kenny will literally drink gasoline

Stan’s a star quarterback in 3rd grade

Clyde’s voice is wrong as hell in S01E04 Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride and he has a dog, Rex

Garrison says Kyle is an A+ kid

Shelly seriously abuses Stan, punching him, throwing him, maiming him with a lawnmower

Cartman had a pot-bellied pig called Fluffy

Cartman’s mom smokes crack and has sex with strange men

Dr. Mephesto is probably a Buddhist since he says “Thank Buddha” instead of “Thank God”

Clyde’s voice gets kind of fixed in S01E06

A guy called Mr. McCormick is killed in a protest, launched and splattered against a network building. He doesn’t look like Kenny’s dad though

Zombie Clyde attacks Bebe, rude

Wendy gave her costume contest prize (2 tons of candy) to hungry children in Nairobi

Cartman’s mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. “Back do’ ho… Five on one action!” is the headline

Cartman genuinely cries at Kenny’s grave after the whole zombie thing but gets over it because of candy

Stan knows his mom’s credit card number and has no problem using it to adopt an Ethiopian child (the boys wanted a watch that came with the adoption, they weren’t doing it to be nice)

Cartman calls Stan a vas deference, Stan doesn’t know what that is so Kenny says “Dude, it’s a pipe for your peepee” (according to a transcript). Kenny sure knows male anatomy

Kyle sniffs Kenny after Cartman asks why poor people smell like sour milk and Garrison says “idk eric they just do”

Cartman thinks poor people should die and decrease the surplus population

When the boys get Starvin’ Marvin delivered to them, Cartman says “Hey mom, we found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?” and his mom says “Sure, hun.” She rarely says no to Cartman

Kenny’s dad is an alcoholic who drinks scotch according to Cartman. I mean, Mr. McCormick is seen drinking in multiple episodes and has a hat that says SCOTCH so it’s probably true

Kenny’s family says grace

Craig’s first appearance is S01E09. Also, S01E09 is the first time Kenny doesn’t die (Coincidence? I THINK yeah but it’s still fun)

Clyde got named in S01E10

Clyde and Bebe both spit on Pip’s face, friendship goals <3

Cartman and Kyle have their first fight at Cartman’s birthday party because Kyle didn’t give the right gift. Cartman slaps his face and  screams “I hate you! I want you to die! Die!” while on top of Kyle who’s not really fighting back

Satan throws a fight with Jesus after everyone except Satan bet that Jesus would lose, which leads to Satan winning everyone’s money. Mr. Garrison says “What a mean thing to do!” and Jimbo says “He is a jerk!” and I thought it was quite a laugh so I wrote it down

In S01E11 Tom’s Rhinoplasty Bebe and Wendy are sitting in the swings together and generally appear together throughout the episode, then Bebe gives Wendy a makeover so they’re bffs obviously <3

Craig first appears in the classroom, though not sitting down, in S01E11

Wendy’s not happy about Ms. Ellen taking Stan away from her, she says “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I’ll whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year!”

Kenny gives Ms. Ellen a scrumptious looking sausage as a valentine’s gift and giggles deviously. Wendy’s gift to Ms. Ellen is a dead animal

Even Kenny doesn’t know what a lesbian is

Wendy’s grandma died in S01E11

Wendy gets Ms. Ellen killed by hiring the Iraqi government (?) to put her in a rocket and shoot it into the sun, then she and Bebe have a pool party (very cool, they wear sunglasses 😎) and watch the rocket hit the sun

Cartman and Pip play a game of kicking each other in the nuts until someone falls. Cartman calls it “Roshambo”

Kenny has a sack of marbles

The boys aren’t fans of Barbra Streisand, but Stan is a fan of the Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway (he’s not a quarterback anymore, he’s an American football executive and the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos of the NFL according to wikipedia.)

Officer Barbrady is a fan of Fiona Apple (who was 20 at the time and had only one album released called Tidal)

Ned knows how to pilot a helicopter

Kyle’s mom is a fan of Streisand unlike literally everyone else, she even gets an autograph from Mecha Streisand

The boys are fans of Robert Smith, the lead singer of The Cure. Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!” and Kyle says “Disintegration is the best album ever!” and Cartman says “Robert Smith kicks ass!” and Kenny’s dead so he doesn’t get to have an opinion

Cartman has tea parties with his toys: Polly Prissypants, Clyde frog, Peter Panda, and a dragon called Rumpertumskin

Kyle wants to make fun of Cartman for the tea party but Stan stops him because he’s concerned that Cartman needs help

Craig is in front of the school counselor’s office in S01E13

A young miss Cartman drinks like a motherfucker at the 12th annual drunken barn dance where Cartman was supposedly conceived

Stan lets Cartman borrow his bike like a good friend

Garrison wanted to have a threesome with Chef and Cartman’s mom. I don’t know why I’m making a note of this but uh… yeah.

Cartman’s mom has had sex with everyone at this bar that Garrison’s drinking at, including principle Victoria, the mayor, Father Maxi, and Jesus (and maybe Kenny’s dad since he’s at the bar but the camera doesn’t pan to him when Garrison says they’ve all slept with Liane). Later Gerald Broflovski is a possible father to Eric, so he fucked her too. Also Mr. Mephesto and his friend Kevin, that little guy, are candidates along with a lot of other people, including the 1989 Denver Broncos (and Mr. Tenorman is included in that later)

Cartman doesn’t make fun of Kyle for being Jewish much at all in this season even though the Christmas episode is all about Kyle not celebrating

Clyde and Token appear very early on and Clyde has always been in the classroom (along with Bebe, Red, Kevin Stoley, Wendy, and Pip and uhh DogPoo too I think). Craig appears later in the season and Tweek’s not in season 1 at all, so Craig’s gang isn’t really a thing yet

And here’s a list of the ways Kenny died in this season. He dies in every episode except episode 9, and he dies twice in episodes 2 and 3. Altogether he dies 14 times

S01E01 Killed after alien shoots him, cows stampede over him, then cop runs him over which finally actually kills him

S01E02 Killed in a play by a falling teepee, then a second time shot by Garrison which sends him in the air and he gets impaled on a flagpole on the way down

S01E03 Killed by a volcano rock that burns him then rolls on him but he’s alive again in the end but gets shot by Ned’s gun that he drops and it accidentally goes off

S01E04 Gets his arms and head torn off in an American football game

S01E05 Stan’s clone punches Kenny into a microwave where he gets cooked alive

S01E06 Death touches Kenny

S01E07 Kenny gets crushed by a Russian space station and turns into a zombie because he gets Worcestershire sauce in his veins, then Kyle chainsaws zombie Kenny in half, then zombie Kenny rises from his grave and is crushed by a statue and a plane

S01E08 Kenny is killed by a bunch of turkeys. His eye gets plucked out. It’s dark blue

S01E10 After Kenny gets turned into a duck-billed platypus, Jimbo and Ned shoot him

S01E11 Ms. Ellen throws a sword through Kenny’s face

S01E12 While Mecha Streisand and a giant robot Leonard Maltin fight, Kenny plays with a tetherball and gets the rope wrapped around his neck and it strangles him

S01E13 Kenny gets stuck on a go kart and it drags him around but stops and he’s still alive! Too bad the go kart stops on train tracks and a train runs him over. Stan’s grandpa sends a video of the event to America’s Stupidest Home Videos and wins $10,000

If you read all that, first of all hello. I’m not new to the fandom even though this is the first thing I’ve posted on this tumblr blog. I’ve been writing a fanfic called Caffetamine though so I’m not a complete non-entity. Anyway, I’ll watch season 2 soon and post my notes on that too probably.

#south park #sp rewatch #i made way too many notes #kenny used to get dialog in almost every episode #poor kenny #he really gets shafted later

[the196thbattalion]

star wars human! high school! au

i’ve seen so many headcanons circling throughout the star wars tumblr about high school au’s, so i wanted to share my bit with all of you :D

anakin skywalker

five words: REBEL CHILD ON A MOTORCYCLE.

he doesn’t like riding the school bus because it makes him feel extremely claustrophobic, so he scrapped and scavenged up parts to make his own customized motorcycle, which he lovingly dubbed artoo.

the blue and silver detailing was the joint effort of ahsoka and obi-wan, because anakin doesn’t know how to paint.

if he can catch up to the bus, he’ll ride alongside it and flip off the students on it before revving on ahead of them. (the freshmen think it’s the funniest thing in the universe)

probably one of the most well-known juniors in the entirety of temple high school (mostly because of his shenanigans but partly because he’s dating padme fuckiNG AMIDALA, PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE DAMN SCHOOL)

he always wears this worn-down leather jacket his mom gave to him before she passed away, and refuses to take it off, even though it’s somehow “a violation of the dress code and should be outlawed.”

his hair alone has seduced eight different students (boys and girls)

sometimes during study hall, ahsoka or padme will get a hold of his hair and style it into little braids or make a super rad ponytail.

he really likes iced coffee with milk and sugar. he puts in the milk to make it nice and light (it’s aesthetically pleasing, obi-wan!), and then like eight tablespoons of sugar to make it actually taste good.

his favorite class is mechanics, taught by kit fisto.

anakin spent months on a mechanical arm project to replace his clunky plastic prosthetic, and he was so freaking happy when it was finished; he almost cried. (he did cry and ahsoka got it on video)

obi-wan kenobi

a mixture of the soft™, pretty™, hippie™, grunge™, vsco™ and nerd™ tropes.

he really likes peppermint tea with lots of honey but takes his coffee black.

he has had too much tea.

someone needs to stop him.

almost all of his classes are ap courses, and if cody hadn’t been watching when obi-wan was making his schedule, all of them would be.

him, cody and padme have ap english with mace windu, and cody knows how much his classes stress him out, so he lets obi-wan sleep during class and sends him the notes

the only ap class obi-wan doesn’t take is mechanics, and he shares that class with anakin.

anakin and obi-wan are super close with each other. kenobi was there when ahsoka was adopted, and anakin was there when kenobi got his cat. (they were like 5 okay)

“NAME IT C3PO OBI-WAN, OR I SWEAR TO FUCK-” “what kind of name is that, and why would i - anAKIN PUT HIM DOWN!?”.

mr. fisto constantly has to split them up for disrupting the class, but it’s almost like they can communicate telepathically, and the teachers have a running bet

mace windu literally bet $50 on these fucking nerds so you know it’s for realsies

in reality, they’ve just gotten super creative with passing notes.

kind of off topic, but he has these brown harry potter glasses that he uses (kinda for reading???? but mostly so he can do that anime pushing up glasses thing)

cody thinks it’s the funniest shit ever

whenever cody is feeling stressed, obi-wan just does the thing™ and BOOM! happiness.

people think he’s a goodie two shoes, and honestly, it’s really easy to think that. if the iconics are trying to do something stupid, he’s usually the voice of reason.

but parties?

…

you know what, just ask anakin for the video footage.

ahsoka tano

this hs!au ahsoka tano turned me bisexual confirmed ✔

okay before i go into her style, which is mainly what made me drool over my computer, can i just put skatergirl!ahsoka out there?

spray painting of the rebellion symbol all over the bottom of her board and on items in a couple of the places where she skates the most (like the back of an abandoned car yard)

her instagram is filled with these super cool vhs-tape recorded skate videos (u know)

lots crackhead 3am visits (starring anakin, rex, kenobi and barris) to a gas station to get slushies and grind the shit out of the curb connecting the store to the parking lot

trying to teach anakin how to skateboard but he just can’t figure it out? uh yes

“try to balance skyguy!” “HOW DO I MOVE? DO I SCOOT? SNIPS THIS ISN’T FUNNY AND I WANT TO GET OFF – GUYS, STOP LAUGHING!”

okay okay okay i’m done

for now

anyway, her style???? is so???? fucking????? cool!!!!!

her genetics gave her a 80% of having vitiligo, so it really wasn’t a surprise when patches of her skin got lighter, but it still freaked her out a little bit.

basically, went like this: “DAD, I’M TURNING WHITE!” “???? oh my gosh ‘soka, no.”

she has long braided dreadlocks she dyed a super bright orange with various colored beads woven into them with the help of anakin and padme. she usually styles them into little space buns atop her head.

her entire clothing wardrobe consists of fishnets, neon bomber jackets, at least 11 bisexual beanies™, handmade patchy jeans, white tank tops, and light-up platform shoes.

she doesn’t give two flying fucks about the dress code, and – IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOST BUSY HALLWAY - punched principal sidious over whether or not she “could wear shorts that short” (anakin may or may not have cheered when she broke his nose).

the fetts (chuck have mercy)

*cracks le knuckles* i’ve put it off long enough

we have: fox (24), wolffe (19), cody (17), rex (17), echo (16), fives (16), boil (15), waxer (14), hardcase (13), jesse (12), longshot (8), kix (6), tup (3), gree (2) and boba (9mo)

wolffe is off at college - fox already graduated and moved out, that cheeky little fucking shit - but both still keep in good contact with the fam, and it’s a constant clamor between eleven of the siblings of who gets to talk to them first

fox majored in government/politics, bly is majoring in space/astronomy, and wolffe is majoring in police/law enforcement shit (i don’t know how college works, so sue me)

cody and rex are juniors, and despite their similar looks, the amount of schoolwork each of them completes drastically varies

cody is the honor roll student, valedictorian, whatever you want to call it

rex kinda just either does the work really well or 9/10 times gets distracted by anakin or ahsoka sending him some nice spicy memes

cody tried to tutor rex but it ended up almost landing tup in the hospital

“that’s really simple, actually. if you – vod? rex, are you okay? what are you oH NO TUP DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH-”

fetts on the varsity football team is like a right of passage in the family

right now, only the juniors of the fett family are on the team, but the coach has eyes on fives and echo for next years team

SPEAKING OF

echo, fives and boil are the infamous sophomore trio that pulled the milk bucket prank on the gym teacher, pong krell.

they had to help the janitor (99) clean up afterwards, but they genuinely enjoyed 99’s company, because he’s rad as shit and knows all the secret school passageways.

to be honest, not one person (except maybe sidious) was complaining

that motherfucker makes everyone run like eight laps during gym class

even mr. windu gives them a small smile in the hallways after that

boil says he was blackmailed into it

waxer is a freshman (the poor dude, i’m so sorry), and he always looks out for the nervous freshies

if someone is having a bad day, he’ll give them a lollipop (he carries around a whole bag), a place to sit during lunch, and a shoulder to cry on

all you need to do to find waxer is to locate this long ass line of children

the school counselor, plo koon, sometimes brings his niece numa into school during the day because he can’t find a babysitter, and waxer. fucking. loves. her. PERIOD.

w+n pull these tiny little pranks on teachers, and the staff pretends not to notice, but numa always giggles and gives them away.

boil has a soft spot for numa too, and sneaks her rice krispies.

bonus shit i want to add in but can’t figure out where to put it (or i’m just gonna add it on and shit)

plo koon adopted anakin after his mother died (him and anakin’s mother were good friends), and found ahsoka on the side of the street, shivering like a maniac.

he doesn’t know where ahsoka came from, but he loves her so gOD DAMN MUCH.

he’s the school counselor, and still keeps in touch with a lot of students even after the graduated (he thinks that majoring in law enforcement/police is a bit dangerous for wolffe but he still supports his unofficial but basically son 100%)

yoda is the super old but radically rad english teacher.

his entire point of existence in my mind fic is to troll the shit out of palpatine.

a recent conversation starring yoda and palps: “did you give the students the mountain of extra work i assigned them?” “for the students, that was?” i’m sorry. my bad, that is.” “this is the seventh time, yoda.”

okay but for real

mace windu violently roots for the school football team.

“BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, CODY! YOU TOO...OTHER CODY!”

“THAT’S A HOLDING! THAT’S A HOLDING!”

“REF IF YOU DON’T COUNT THAT TOUCHDOWN THEN I SWEAR TO SAMUEL L. JACKSON I WILL COME DOWN THERE AND BEAT YOUR SORRY PINSTRIPED ASS!”

#star wars #star wars the clone wars #swtcw #human au #high school au #anakin skywalker #ahsoka tano #obi-wan kenobi #padme amidala #mace windu #plo koon #yoda #darth sidious #nala #okay #whew #now all the fetts #commander fox #commander cody #commander rex #captain rex #echo #fives #boil #waxer #hardcase #longshot #jesse #tup #196 hc

[sebastianstanbuckybarnes]

The Order Season 2 (SPOILERS)

2x01 

I like Blond Jack <3 

GABRIELLE DUPRES IS IN JACK’S BED?!?!

That goddamn powder 

“And you think all blonde girls are stuck-up skanks,” WOW GABRIELLE 

Jack. Is. Dancing. For. Cheer. Squad.

It hurt me to see all the Knights not know each other and be in the same area 

I don’t trust Professor Foley 

A guy’s body just burned with bright light - are we sure angels don’t exist in The Order? 

For reals though, who’s that witch in the corridor? 

I forgot Brandon was in the cat ornament 

Can I sAY i love Werewolves? 

 Deja vu, you say Hamish? I WONDER WHY. 

The Knights taking down those acolytes gives me so much satisfaction

 “Stuck-up skank,” Dammit Gabrielle 

Huh, a body disguised as a statue? The rogue witch? 

“Alien Superheroes,” Never change Randall <3

Jack transforming into his wolf form to get the others too is high-key awesome 

DID YOU JUST REMOVE THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN, ALYSSA?! 

OH, THANK GOD! I may hate you Alyssa, but thank you for returning their memories. 

KILL THE ORDERRRRR 

2x02 

The cleaning returnsssss

“Youthful optimism,” I say this again, Randall, never change 

Poisonous Kombucha - out of curiousity, why are people so obsessed by Kombucha?

More cleaningggg 

Andddd Vera just cleaned it up for them 

I love a good Star Wars reference 

THE ADEPTI 

HAM SANDWICH?!?!? RANDALLL

Randall awkwardly sitting there, my poor boy :( 

No, Lilith making Randall even more sad :(

Does Jack have two hides now?

PROFESSOR CLARKE RETURNSSS 

HAM RADIO?!?!? Omg RANDALL 

That remembering potion made everyone go temporarily insane. 

I LOVE PROFESSOR CLARKE, THEY DID DIRTY BY KILLING HIM 

DAMN! ALYSSA JUST KILLED THAT ELLIE TAYLOR WITCHY PERSON 

Jack being really sweet while Alyssa was upset just shows how wholesome Jack actually is after everything she did to him 

2x03 

HAMISH AND RANDALL. THE KISS AND THE ESKIMO KISS. NEED I SAY MORE?

LILITH AND NICOLE KISS TOO! 

MAGIC HEIST! 

Honestly, I get Hamish’s fear, I hate dolls, including ventriloquist ones.   

Hamish making cocktails is life. 

I had a feeling it wouldn’t work, mostly because it was only 20 minutes in 

I’VE SEEN FROM ENOUGH MOVIES AND TV SHOWS THAT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SUMMON A MOTHERFUCKING DEMON! IT’S COMMON SENSE!

Randall drinking milk is so wholesome and sweet 

Alyssa is now drinking the milk 

Zecchia looks like me from my goth/alternative days 

Can I say that I’m loving Lilith’s blue streaks in her hair? Looks awesome! 

AND SOMEONE STOLE THE ARTIFACTS 

2x04 

Honestly, Zecchia is all of us on Tumblr 

The Excidium sounds like a very bad thing. 

CAPTAIN SEAN RENARD IS EMPEROR ROGWAN?! 

aND aLYssa’s fears have been eaten 

Gabrielle deserved that punch but maybe not from Alyssa...Maybe Nicole? OR BRANDON?! 

Of course Vera knows that they have their memories back 

NO! HAMISH! RANDALL! 

SHE PUT HER HAND IN THE BLENDER?! 

hONESTLY, I like Alyssa without her fears, she’s so much more fun 

Alyssa saying goodbye to Lilith and Jack is actually really sweet, and made me hate her less... 

NO! LILITH! FUCK! 

2x05 

Brunette Jack returns 

Sending Jack and Alyssa, a werewolf and a broken witch, behind enemy lines is the worse idea ever - remember the necromancer incident? 

“Remember when she murdered Kyle,” I love Randall so much 

For some reason, I don’t trust these Prometheans 

Randall walking in heels and succeeding is making my day 

“Hold my purse,” RANDALL <3 

Hamish being an absolute gentleman and holding out his arm for Randall to hold onto as he walks - i’M LIVING FOR THIS

THat juice is having a weird effect on Alyssa - STOP DRINKING IT! 

A surprising team up between Randall and Gabrielle - I actually like it 

“Dear God, help us,” HAMISH 

I’m kinda shipping Orbin and Alyssa in a way

WTF?! THERE IS AN EYE IN THAT TREE! 

Jack writing SOS on his forehead to tip Vera off was genius 

2x06

CANNIBALISM! 

This is why you don’t trust Foley 

Alyssa is withdrawing 

FUCKING BLOOD ATONEMENT?!?!

THEY’RE TURNING JACK INTO A TREE AND ALYSSA IS JUST FUCKING STANDING THERE!? 

YES! YOU GO GABRIELLE!

Jack is still turning into a tree

Vera using their Egregore connection and her pain to her advantage - you go Queen! 

And Jack is now cured with no help from Alyssa whatsoever

Gabrielle having a concussion and Randall taking care of her is goals <3 

AND the Prometheans are dead

2x07 

Poor Nicole :(

ALyssa is clearly not coping well

Hamish mentioning Cassie :( 

Invoking Privilege = Beer Pong  

Lilith is going to kill the boys for joining the Order 

Orbin lives on Campus?! 

I really hate Kepler - can someone kill her?

I really don’t like Alyssa or Salvador 

I love Vera messaging Hamish for a drink 

KARAOKE! <3 

OMG HAMISH 

OMG VERA 

Dat KISS and SEX?!

ALYSSA! After sex etiquette does not include stealing their hair! 

Gabrielle slapping Jack is so dramatic of her but I love it 

But then Gabrielle has Randall’s shirt, so, I’m pretty sure they slept together? Or at least made out? 

Jack going werewolf at Angus because he tries to keep Jack out of the Temple is hilarious

VERA IS ALIVE! THANK GOD! 

Because Improvising plans always goes well, Jack 

Alyssa, you are very selfish for drinking that tea even if it didn’t work 

...How did Salvador choke hold a supposed werewolf against a wall? 

Clearly, Salvador is the leader and playing the long game 

Foley is eating a blue scarab? I wonder what that does... 

The way Vera asks if “everyone is okay?” when they drag Foley in but looks at Hamish the entire time who briefly smirks is everything 

I SWEAR TO GOD IF THIS IS ANOTHER ATTEMPT ON VERA’S LIFE AND SHE DIES, I’M SUING THE WRITERS! 

2x08 

Well, she’s alive

What exactly does Angus have against werewolves? 

I really hate Angus at the moment 

That poor man who I don’t know the name of..? 

Quarantining? How on point for what’s happening at the moment... 

Alyssa committing B&E 

Adepti walking in is very sinister 

A cameo from Ian Ziering playing himself 

And Salvador hits Alyssa with the sleeping spell 

TWO PRINCESS BRIDE REFERENCES?! YASSSSSS! 

Ew. You just ruined your white shoe, Randall.

FFS ANGUS! 

And Jason Priestley is a part of the Adepti too! 

THEY ARE NEGOTIATING COMIC CON APPEARANCES!

JASON PRIESTLEY IS DEAD! 

Kepler certainly changed her tune 

OMG! THEY POWDERED ALYSSA! 

Ian Ziering is now Jason Priestley?! 

So, Alyssa does remember because Salvador protected her memories with the Risotto

2x09 

And Alyssa has stabbed her hand

3 month time skip? 

VERMISH?! 

Randall and puppies <3

I still really hate Angus. Like he’s cute but also a dick 

Magistratus though, they’re moving up in the ranks 

Salvador cured a blind woman? 

“You’re like a little sister,” Did Gabrielle just get friend-zoned by Randall? 

“She kinda scares me,” Oh, Randall, all women should scare you :) 

More sex

Hamish having Vera’s lipstick on him. I CAN’T BREATHE 

The Plagues of Egypt. Pompeii. Tunguska. All caused by an apocalyptic eruption. Damn. 

I STILL HATE ANGUS. AND SELENA.

Hame-Burger Helper. Jesus, Randall!

Randall and Jack trying to pull a fast one on Hamish, but hurting Hamish’s feelings as well. Of course he would help Lilith, you nimrods! 

Plausible deniability! You’re failure in pre-law is coming in handy Hamish! 

Kepler’s eye is now lizard like? 

Alpha is in Salvador? 

“Does anyone have classes anymore?” Gabrielle speaks the truth! Why aren’t you all in classes? 

No, Gabrielle! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS! 

Vera and Salvador meet...this isn’t going to go well

Yes, Gabrielle! You are better than this! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! 

Wait, no! Midnight! I swear to god if you hurt her!

OMG! EW! But pretty cool effect of Vera’s fingers splitting open 

Vera using a gun rather than magic is awesome - shows human weapons work just as well as magic 

And Alyssa has disappeared...again. 

2x10 

“Simply slowed time,” Can time be slowed that simply, Vera?

 “Cut the head off a snake?” In the words of many Supernatural and Superhero based TV shows and films I have watched, two more grow back in it’s place. *Cough* HYDRA *Cough*. Just saying...

“She’s just waiting to make an entrance,” That basically sums Gabrielle up if we’re being honest! 

KYLE IS IN THE COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS?!?! For real though, Jedidiah Goodacre making a brief cameo as Kyle is awesome! I love him as Dorian Gray too!

Goddammit, Alyssa! 

Gabrielle saying no to killing Jack is definite Character Development! 

“Bring it,” Gabrielle standing up for herself! 

“Open a passage to the demon realm,” Jack has finally hit the brick wall of oh god, this is all real? How is this all real? Jack only wanted to be a marine biologist 

Okay, yeah, Midnight is totally riding Gabrielle around while Gabrielle is going through hell in the collective unconscious 

Yaldson = Archaic; term for the son of a prostitute! I’m using that! 

Tartarus eruption almost killing the knights...

...But they opened a portal to hell in Timber’s locker

Fuck, Alyssa knocked out Hamish and paralysed Vera with that stupid necklace that Salvador used against her 

Randall chopping off the heads of demons that come through the portal <3 

Midnight collapsing as Gabrielle 

VERA DOESN’T HAVE HER POWERS?!?!?! 

Jack poking Gabrielle with a stick :’) 

gABRIELLE waking up briefly to tell Jack midnight wants to kill him before fainting again 

Midnight not killing Jack and going with Jack’s plan instead. Character development from Midnight! 

And Alyssa’s in the toilet 

So, they need a witch not an owl, how did she get them mixed up?

Randall making use of the powder on Nicole 

MAddox makes a reappearance?! 

Randall kidnapping Kepler. Probably killing her for the ritual! 

LILITH IS BACK! I HAVE BEEN WAITING HALF A SEASON GUYS! 

OH, NO! HOW DARE YOU! YOU MADE LILITH A DEMON?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! 

oH, WELL, Alyssa got her just desserts! 

Randall burying a body again 

Oh, poor Gabrielle, she’s really upset and I’m upset with her. And Randall hugging her, I ship them so hard <3 

I’m shipping Vera and Hamish too but I hope Vera doesn’t break Hamish’s heart... 

And Jack carrying Alyssa with the Vade Maecum through the meadow and forest

with the song in the background...

MAGNIFICENT! 

#the order #the order season 2 #jack morton #alyssa drake #lilith bathory #randall carpio #hamish duke #vera stone #gabrielle dupres #nicole birch #zecchia #rogwan #elizabeth kepler #spoilers

[arbitrarygreay]

This video is great! An interesting thing is, of course, in which cases the cover wins out against the original, or at least brings something meaningful to its own existence (i.e. offers new appeal points). 1. Carpenters: Justifies its existence. Heike gets MELODRAMATIC with the song. Not necessarily better, but you know how much Asians love to wail at karaoke. However, the Carpenters have a stronger command over the song (and I prefer it when a song feels noticeably effortless), so they win. 2. Sans Toi Ma Mie: Basically the same as above, Goto going really melo, full-on French Swooning. On the other hand, I heavily favor latin rhythms. The original clearly wins. 3. Kimi to Itsumademo: Basically a karaoke run. Doesn't do enough to justify its existence. 4. Kyokkori: Base melody is obnoxious. Next. 5. Koi no Vacance: Brings the surf rock, and W are charismatic enough for their performance to be interesting. But the Peanuts are THE FUCKING PEANUTS, and they are ROCKING the big band version featured here. 6. Namida no Taiyou: As much as I adore MKB, I find much of their output tacky, and this one is no exception. Very much the cringe of the late 90s/early 00s' excess. MKB's arrangement tramples over the melody's strengths. 7. Wataresbashi: Ballads are ballads, and Ayaya is motherfucking Ayaya. Tie. 8. Koi no Fuuga: Again, W are respectably charismatic. Their James Bond-esque arrangement does end up doing more to enhance the melody. Our first win for the covers! This is the case where the original is a little bit too...how do I put this, obvious? Childish? Like the way Heavy Rotation's melody is too obvious. Anyways, what that means is that the vocals can't really do much with it, which means that W's more interesting arrangement therefore makes the difference. 9. The Stress: I LOVE THIS COVER. IT FUCKS. IT FUCKS HARD. Ueno Keiichi is going buck-wild with his arrangement, and therefore actually introduces a new and different groove, compared to the original's admittedly compelling 80s drums. 10. Too Far Away: Ballads are ballads. Whatever. 11. Dschinghis Khan: Like a good portion of Berryz's output is in a really eardrum-splitting pitch range. Ich. And I'm really baffled as to why they even picked this particular song to cover. 12. Pepper Keibu: I like this! Brings the disco, lets Platinum play it cool. But Pink Lady has way more personality in theirs, hands down. 13. Shochuu Omimai Moshiagemasu: Synths are too screechy, it's trying too hard to modernize. The SweetS cover is more fun. Ironically, H!P has plenty of excellent album tracks that better capture the appeal of the original, in basically anything arranged by Takahashi Yuichi (my first thought was Lemon Iro to Milk Tea). 14. Mahoutsukai Sally: Original's honky-tonk arrangement over obnoxious screechy synths any day. 15. Koike-san: Don't even get me started. Now, Tsunku's own Koike-san re-release, with both a DANCE*MAN disco version and Matsubara Ken "Sexy Funk" version, that's how you make covers that can stand up to the original. Kobushi ain't even competing. 16. Sakura Night Fever: Okay, I'm fucking easy. Look, DANCE*MAN is just very good at what he does! And whereas with Koike-san, they needed to achieve a certain attitude and failed to, Sakura Night Fever is a godly enough melody that simply being cute girls singing this earnestly makes it fresh again vs. the original. 17. Ranrarun: Country Girls My Beloved. The original is what CG ended up doing with PBJ Love, a song of long notes to depict longing, while the twanging guitar is doing delightful gliss'd chords in the back. Maybe my CG-bias goggles are just that tight, but I don't mind this cover, though. By going about 200% cutesier in this version (and also making the arrangement a little more Phil Spector-ish, castanets and all), there's actually rhythm introduced to the cover that has its own charms. Ironically, there's zero country DNA in the CG version, but that creates enough distance from the original. 18. Ora wa Ninkimono: going full ska works with how hard Kobushi go on this. Kobushi are hitting every beat, where the original is doing a swing between every ever other beat (a la Pepper Keibu). Turns out that doing a subtly different rock genre is often all it takes to make a cover work! 19. Namida no Request. CG make a good showing, but the original has too much personality and swagger. In this case, having harder attacks on the shorter syllables works against them. I'm going to blame the cover's arrangement here for not doing more interesting things. 20. Majokko no Megu-chan: Angerme pull off at least a tie by doing their best CG. Emphasizing the piano in the arrangement was an inspired choice, really gives the cover its own identity and an enunciation style for the vocals to aim for (where the original had strings instead, to go with the vocals singer longer notes). 21. Go West: I can't even make a proper evaluation, because the Beyooooonds meme game is too strong. Go Waist cannot be considered as a song alone, the visuals and memes (which literally stops the song at one point) are a core part of it. In that sense, they live up to what The Village People were going for, as well (i.e. spark joy). The original certainly has better vocals, though. 22. Pop Music: Juice=Juice take their turn making a cover worth it just by cramming in the memes. There's undeniable joy in watching the girls get more and more ridiculous with their vocal wailing at the end of each line, against the most mundane lyrics, culminating in Sayuki's hysterical "CHURU CHURU PUNYU TAPIOCA MILK(miracle) TEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA". 23: Gekikara Love: What! Beyooonds coulda had a Halloween song!? WE WERE ROBBED. And also, it already doesn't win against MM's Morning Curry, as far as crowd-pleasing meme songs about spiciness go. 24: Down Town: So yes, I bitched about this song months ago, but while I personally find the original undoubtedly superior, the cover nonetheless justifies its existence through a successful genre change. It's a cover that can hold its own against some of the non-covers in the H!P catalogue, even if it can't beat the original. The trend for all of the lesser versions is that the cover, by dint of their heavily synthesized arrangements, squeeze all of the groove out of the song. There's no more empty space for the artists to put their stamp on the interpretation. The rhythm is programmed within an inch of its life, where in the originals you can hear the singers really curving around the syllables, the aural equivalent of animation's squash-and-stretch. That's why some of the older H!P covers still work, because GOING MELODRAMATIC is a way to reclaim some vocal interpretation. Which fits H!P's original "rock band audition" roots. Anyways, the moral of the story is that I really really fucking love Nacchi's The Stress. And there are surprising number of western songs hidden in H!P's catalogue! And as always, the most important aspect of idol music is who does the arrangement.

#hello! project #beyooooonds #juice=juice #country girls #melon kinenbi #abe natsumi #matsuura aya #heike michiyo #angerme #morning musume #berryz koubou #ocute #w #goto maki #not taking the artists of the originals #category: idols #category: music #whoops I accidentally a word vomit #i miss writing idol meta

[julessworldd]

Little Rose Ch. 2

Warnings: Arguments, slight/implied smut, alochol, angst at the end, fluff at some parts. A/n: A lot of stuff is off from when it happened, sue me. It is a fanfiction so thing aren’t extactly to the timeline. Like events between mandy and duff. No hate towards Mandy! I have nothing against her. Again sorry for making Duff such an ass, it’s just  for the plot. love our sweet boy. Suprise apperances, you’ll know ;) enjoy babes!!

A couple days later, I finally peeled myself off the bathroom floor. Slash had laid with me the first night, but had a date last night. 

“Y/n, what happened? You’ve not been at work”, Slash asked me, after finding me on the floor. “Oh hi Slash, just depressed is all. Stupid boy stuff”, I sighed, slighty moving my head towards him. 

“What happened? I’m a boy”, Slash laid next to me. “No, its dumb”

“Y/n, tell me or I’ll call Axl on you”, Slash said. “Okay” I sighed.

I had told him what happened between Izzy, Duff and I, even my feelings for Duff. He let me cry and say what I needed to say or felt like saying. Threatened to kick Duff’s ass, I told him it wouldn’t fix anything, but appreciated the gesture. Slash accidentally let it slip that Duff had a girlfriend, she was in a band, blond, sorta my height. At least he listened to me. I grinned. “Y/n, are you okay?”, Axl busted in and ran over to me. “Yeah, I am now. Thanks to Slash”, I said grabbing my purse. “You’re not sick”, Axl held his hand on my forehead. “No Ax, I got into a depression rut is all. I miss my boys so can I come back to work?”, I asked. “Of course, I need your opinion on songs”, Axl kissed my cheek. “Race ya to the cars”, I nudged him. I won and won racing to work. “Did you cut me off?”, Axl asked. “No, it’s called winning”, I scoffed. 

“Izzy came up with the name, but I don’t know if it would fit my lyrics”, Axl was explaining a song when we walked into the studio. Steven, Slash, Izzy were sitting on the couch, smoking away. “Janie, you’re back!”, Steven ran to me. “Yeah, I’m back Stevie.” I let go of him and sat on the arm of the couch, next to Izzy. He looked up at me and patted my knee. Silently letting me know he was sorry and missed me. I smiled back at him. The door opened, making us look. It was Duff and I assume his girlfriend, they were making out. “Duff, it’s time to work now”, Axl grumbled. My heart broke into a million pieces seeing him. Izzy sensed it and looked at me, “You were right”, I mumbled for Izzy to hear. “Don’t matter, Janie. You okay?”, Izzy asked. “Why wouldn’t I be”, I sighed. Duff and his girlfriend walked in, “Hey Duff, who’s this?”, the blond asked. “Oh, this is Janie, Axl’s little sister and our assistant”, Duff said, tuning his bass. “Hi, I’m Mandy”, Mandy stuck her hand out. “Uh yeah, hi. Axl, you want your tea now or later”, I brushed her off. Probably gonna be another chick tomorrow to be honest, why get friendly with her.  Axl was gonna say something but Duff cut him off, “Janie, she was talking to you.” “I know and?”, I snickered from my place next to Izzy. “And? Have some manners, Christ sakes”, Duff said hateful. “First off, leave my sister alone and get in the booth. Janie, I’ll take my tea now”, Axl finally said something. “Sure thing, Axl”, I smirked. Duff rolled his eyes and shook his head.  Before lunch, Mandy told Duff she had to go record with her band across town. “Okay, 10 minute break guys”, Axl stretched his back. The rest of them went out, but Duff stayed behind. Obviously, why he did. “What the fuck?”, Duff said as the door shut. “Excuse me?”, I asked. “Why were you so fucking rude to Mandy? She was just being nice, you’re the only one who hasn’t met her yet.”, Duff huffed. “Why does my approval matter, huh? I’m your assistant, I just grab your lunch and follow your orders. It’s not your decision if I like your girlfriend even Axl’s. Just get the fuck out of my face before yours ended up through the booth glass, okay? I don’t owe you shit, you broke my heart, bastard!”, I yelled. “You won’t do it, Rose”, Duff got into my face. “Get the fuck away from my baby sister or I’ll fucking bash your head into the glass personally!”, Axl yelled. 

“Whatever, I’m out of here”, Duff pushed by the guys. “And stay the fuck out!”, Axl yelled. “Janie, you okay? He didn’t touch you did he?”, Axl turned to me like a mother hen. “I’m okay, just a misunderstanding”, I said staring at the door. Axl took his fingers to my chin, he was studying my face. “Janie, come with me”, Izzy said. Axl let me go. “You two talked about the other night?”izzy asked, handing me a cigarette. “Not exactly. He confronted me about how I acted towards Mandy. Like I’m gonna be buddy buddy with your new whore.”, I scoffed. “You’re not wrong, she’s not my favorite person”, Iz grumbled. “I wasn’t rude to her right, Izzy”, I asked. “Different circumstances, yes you were. But, he’s doing this to make you jealous”, Izzy said holding my hand. “Thanks, Iz”, I blew out smoke. “Anytime, kid”, Izzy flicked his cigarette ash. “I’m sorry about the other night. I don’t want you to fuck off, you’re my brother, I love you”, I laid my head on his shoulder. “I know you don’t. Don’t get all warm and gooey, I’ll ash my cigarette on that big ass forehead of yours.”, Izzy smirked. “You could sell  Wyoming on yours”, I winked at him. “Sit on it, Janie”, Izzy rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Fonzie”, I hopped off the milk crates. “You’re definitely Potsy, kid”, Izzy grinned. “Keith Richards called his wants his style back, Isbell”, I opened the door. Izzy would kill me one day for sure, but then would probably break down from realization.

“You okay?”, Slash asked, grabbing my hand. “For now, if I’m gonna lay on my bathroom floor, I’ll call you”, I smiled at me. “Please do”, Slash said seriously.  “Thanks, Slash”, I kissed his cheek. 

The phone rang, “Hello?”, I answered it. 

“Hey Janie, wanna come to a bar with us?”, Kelly asked. 

“Hi Kells, sure why not. Do you want me to drive or what?”, I grinned. Traci still kept in contact with Axl, Izzy and me, I met his new band. Kelly and I hit it off pretty well at the Whiskey Go-Go. “I’ll come get you, babe”, Kelly said.

“Okay, be careful”, I grinned, already planning my outfit. I stepped out of my room and saw Kelly perched on my couch’s arm. “Goddamn, you look smokin, baby Rose” “Thanks, Kelly. It was my intention to be smokin tonight”, I grinned, reaching up to kiss his cheek. “Who you after? Word on the street is that you and Duff quit fucking”, Kelly opened my door, to let me out. “Who told you?”, I asked. “Duff”, Kelly whispered. “Fucking course he would do that. What am I a whore or what?”I asked, getting curious to what that fucker was saying about me. “Just said you went all crazy and kicked him out. Told him to find a groupie and hoped she gave him crabs”, Kelly said as we pulled up to the bar. “I said herpes, not crabs. What’s the word on Mandy? His new chick”, I asked wanting to be nosey and use it for blackmail.  “She’s in an all girl band, singer, they met after a show at the Starwood. You’re way way hotter than her by the way”, Kelly said, holding the door for me. “You’re really flirty tonight, Kells”, I smirked. We sat with the band after, getting drinks. “Ah ello, Janie”, Phil smirked. “Hi Phil”, I sat down between Kelly and Traci. “Hey kid, how are you?”, Traci pulled me into his side for a hug. “Been better, Trac. You?”, I asked. “Heyy Duff! Didn’t expect you here”, I heard a dude yell. There he was, standing at the bar in all leather, hair teased in a messy punk manner, he looked good, besides her perched on his arm. “Janie”, I slightly heard Traci call out my name. He had probably heard what happened between Duff and I. I stood up and pulled Kelly to the bar with me, “Can you act like you’re trying to fuck just long enough for me to be petty?” “I don’t have to act, babe. Tell me what to do? I won’t push you too far, okay?”, Kelly rubbed my wrist. “Okay, Kelly and be rough as you want and follow my league”, I smirked. Duff and Mandy were sitting at the bar, chatting. “Hey Joe, two beers please?”, I brushed Duff’s back as I leaned to the bar. Kelly wedged himself to my back side, trailing his hand on my hips. He tried to unlace my leather pants, “Kelly, not now”, I squealed. You could tell Duff was trying to ignore us, but couldn’t. “Here you go, Janie. Tell your brother I said hi”, Joe smiled handing Kelly and I our beer. “Thanks, Joe I will”, I said. 

“Come dance with me, they’re dancing”, Kelly whispered in my ear.

“Perfect”, I smirked at the opportunity to make Duff’s skin crawl.

Kelly pulled me towards his crotch, “Be slutty as you can be”

“Sure thing, Cowboy”, I smirked and rubbed my body down his. Kelly was grinding himself on me, I nudged back, he kissed my neck. Duff had moved himself and Mandy closer to us. Kelly noticed and grabbed my boob, “Sorry”, He whispered loud enough for me to hear. I moaned out as he started attacking my neck. Kelly had his head burying my neck, kissing my neck and ran his hand down my thigh. He was really playing his part, give him that. “Be louder” I opened my eyes and caught Duff’s hazel one, looking into my blue ones. He was fuming.  Kelly bit down on my neck, making me moan his name, “Mhmm, Kelly” Duff grabbed Mandy and left. Kelly was still on my neck, I wanted to tell him the show was over, but he felt so good. “Hey Kells, he left already but wanna come back to my place?”I asked, grabbing his hand off my hip. “Fuck yes. I know you were just doing it to piss Duff off, but damn we got too into”, Kelly whined, pointing at his dick. “I’m sorry, Kelly. Come on, you need some help”, I pulled him to his car. Kelly got in and I went to his pants, “Mhm, what about your brother? He’ll kill me if he finds out”, Kelly said with a look of fear in his eyes. “Duff and I had been fucking for almost two years and the motherfucker still doesn’t know.”, I said. “Okay then, continue”, Kelly said sliding his pants and underwear down to where I could reach him. “Fuck”, Kelly threw his head back groaning.

 He pulled up to my apartment, “Damn, you’re really good at head” “Thanks”, I smirked. It was morning, I woke up, “Who the hell? Oh It’s Kelly”, I rolled over. “Yeah, it’s me”, Kelly smirked. It was 8:15 am, I was due at the studio at 10. “Hey, uhm I gotta be at the studio at 10, wanna shower with me?”, I asked. “Sure”, Kelly picked me up in bridal style. Izzy watched me pull up, “What the fuck did you do last night?” “Went to a bar with Kelly, seen Traci. Why am I late?” I asked, stealing his cigarette. “No but you smell like booze and shame sex”, Izzy dead panned. “It wasn’t shameful sex”, I rolled my eyes. “Was  it with Duff?”, Izzy asked as we walked back in. “No”, I said. “Who?”, Izzy asked again. “Don’t get mad or even tell Axl okay?”, I looked up at him. He nodded. “Kelly”, I breathed out. “Okay, at least it wasn’t a random fuck. Did he wear?”, Izzy smirked. “No, I’m on the pill nosey ass”, I punched his arm. 

Izzy, Slash were in the booth. Axl was talking to the press about something, Steven was in the booth with them. Duff and I were sitting down, and the room was fueled by tension.  “Why did you tease me last night?”, Duff spoke up. “What are you talking about?”, I rolled my eyes. “Don’t play dumb, Janie. That’s not the first time you’ve teased me at a bar with another guy”, Duff said, staring at me. “Why did you leave after, you heard me moan?”, I shot back. Duff was quiet. “What I thought, McKagan”, I smirked as Axl walked in. “God, I hate the press at times” “Who are you supposedly banging now?”, I asked Axl. “Every supermodel in North America, any groupie”, Axl smirked. “You still have great posture after fucking those girls”, I grinned at him. “Thanks sis, it’s a secret talent of mine. Duff it’s your turn”, Axl said sitting next to me by the panel. “You do anything last?”, Axl looked at me. “Uh, Kelly picked me up and wanted to go drink. I saw and talked to Traci. He wanted me to tell you hi”, I said, marking a list of things that had been done. “Nice, glad you had fun”, Axl patted my knee. “You busy tonight, Ax?”, I asked. “Probably gonna watch a horror movie later tonight. Why do you wanna join?”, Ax asked. “Yeah, I do. Miss us”, I smiled. “Miss us too, kid”, Axl smiled. He always tried to make time for us to hang out besides work. 

I was walking to my car when a hand grabbed my shoulder, “Can we talk?”, It was Duff. “Why so you can go tell people on the strip that I’m whore for kicking out?”, I cut my eyes at him. “I didn’t call you a whore, you’re not either. I was pissed, it was after our argument, I went drinking and a few guys were around.”, Duff said. “A few guys that happen to have been in the band. Traci and Kelly told me all about what you said. If I’m whore then you’re just a lawful player that used me as another notch on his belt.”, I looked up at him. “Janie, I’m sorry for talking about you like that, I’m sorry for being a dick the past two days. I didn’t mean it”, Duff whined. “Fine. As for now, I’m just your assistant, so don’t talk to me unless you need me to get you lunch or something okay? Cause I’m done with you as a friend and a sleeping buddy, so go home to Mandy and leave alone”, I patted his shoulder. “Janie” “No no, I’m serious. Now goodnight, Mr. McKagan”, I said, getting in my car and heading to Axl’s. I looked in the mirror, he was standing there, flabbergasted as I drove away. Maybe I was too harsh on him, but fuck him, he broke my heart. 

Grocery shopping is one of the things I hated about adulting, but it had to be done.  I was in the frozen section, looking at my list. “Janie?”, I looked up to see Mandy. “Oh hi, Mandy”, I smiled. “Just shopping and noticed you was all.”, She smiled. “Right? Huh, listen. I’m sorry for how I acted towards you, the first time I met you. Duff and I had a fight and I was mad at him. I’m sure you’re a nice girl and I’m sorry being a straight up bitch that day.”, I finally got it off my chest. “It’s okay, we’ve all been petty towards another girl before. He told me what happened between you guys. All is forgiven”, Mandy grabbed my hand and smiled. “Yeah, but it wasn’t right. It was between me and him. Uh, enjoy your shopping”, I looked down. “Thanks, you too. It was nice talking to you Janie, see ya later.” Mandy smiled before walking away. “You too”, I mumbled, looking around for Duff to be laughing with her as they were doing it just to make me the fool. No blond in sight. 

Next few weeks, the boys were planning their town for this year. They finished their EP weeks ago, I was proud of them. I was sitting next to their producer at the panel, the door opened and the boys walked in. “Hey guys”, I smiled. Various ‘Heys’ responded back. “Can’t wait for you to see this tour, Janie. It’s so kickass”, Slash pulled me into a hug. “Kickass is very you guys”, I giggled in his arms as the door opened. Mandy stood.

“Hey babe, what are you doing here?”Duff brushed pass us.

“Are you free for lunch?”she asked, twirling something on her finger. “Of course, I was just getting my bass I left here. Oh almost forgot! Hey guys, Janie come here.”, He grinned pulling her to his side. We all stood, Slash still held me at his side. “What Duff?”, Izzy mumbled. “We’re getting married”, Duff said, bringing Mandy’s hand towards us. A circle cut diamond adorned her finger. “Good for you guys. I’m happy for you Duff”, Axl pulled him into a hug. The guys told them congrats and they were proud of him for being a man. “Janie?”, Mandy asked. My chest heaved, I pushed Duff out of my way as I ran down the hall. “What’s with her?” Axl asked as I cut a corner. “I’ll go find her”, Izzy said, taking off. I tried to run but my legs gave out on me, Izzy caught me. I started bawling, my whole world was tumbling down, he wasn’t gonna be mine anymore. “Shhsh”, Izzy rocked me in his chest. 

#guns n roses imagine #duff mckagan imagine #izzy stradlin imagine #axl rose #slash x reader #steven adler x reader #kelly nickels #la guns #again Izzy being the best big brother #Axl defending his baby sister and being a mother hen is so cute #I promise duff will be a nice boy again #don't hate me for making Duff an ass

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #347

“lay your head down, child  /  i won’t let the bogeyman come  /  count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums”

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? Ha, Girt and I have one day when he was hanging out. It was about a vacuum, to be precise. Do you tend to cave into peer pressure? No. Do you think it's attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? Yeah. Are you listening to music currently? Yeah, it's this version of Manson's "Lunchbox" that I hadn't heard before. Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Yeah, like going on this one ride at a fair. Y'know, the kind that slowly brings you way up and abruptly drops you. What's your relationship to the child you’re around most? They're my nieces and nephew. Have you ever had an illegal substance in your blood stream? No. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to your hair? More than once, back when I had long hair, it would get so knotted from neglect that I'd brush out just... giant clumps of hair. The joys of depression, right? It's honestly part of the reason I cut it all off, and it's something I seriously recommend for people who struggle with brushing their hair. What do you think about cats? I adore them. Who do you want with you when you're afraid? Absolutely my mom. Who might as well just be your sibling? Ha, Sara. We're just so remarkably similar, and even when we first met in person, we clicked like it was nothing. Would you ever consider working for the government? No; I'm not working with corrupt, lying motherfuckers. What is the weirdest thing you have ever witnessed a sibling doing? Well, your sister "sleepwalking" or whatever she was actually doing and grabbing a knife she'd hidden under her mattress to creep towards her then-boyfriend was beyond just "weird." Your first best friend's name? Brianna. How do you act when you're uncomfortable? "Anxious, impatient, and fidgety." <<<< Same. It's very obvious I want to get out of the situation. What bug would you like to be extinct? Do wasps do like... anything for the environment? I don't want to give a definite answer here that ends up being ignorant, because I appreciate bugs that are even just a regular food source for more vital creatures like spiders, but I don't know a damn thing wasps do that are beneficial. They just kill bees, from what I know. Do you know anyone other than a cop who has ever owned a cop car? No. Have you ever felt fire? I mean, I've never directly touched fire, no. What would you do if your first love asked you back out? I REALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THIS. Do you know anyone that is a lesbian? Yeah. What are your thoughts on roleplaying games? I think they're fun. Do you want to have a bachelor/bachelorette party before you get married? So, true story, I don't even know what those entail exactly. But considering how few friends I have, I probably wouldn't. Ever been texted by mistake and played along & acted like you knew them? No. Would you ever get a name tattooed on you? Noooo sir. Do your parents dress like they’re years younger? Does it gross you out? They don't, but it wouldn't gross me out...? They can dress however they damn well please. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Spyro probably top the list. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Just swim, really. I hate warm weather. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? If there's snow, take pictures. If it's just cold, then I like to just stay inside and bundle up in bed. Five songs to describe you? I don't know five, but I know a few I resonate with: "Get Up" by Mother Mother, "That's What You Get" by Paramore, uhhh then idk. Best way for someone to bond with you? Hm. Probably just like... talk about life, like our stories and things we've been through, both good and bad. Just being mutually vulnerable makes me feel connected to people. I like bonding via music, too, and I find it pretty exciting to share songs and, once again, go deeper and share what they mean to you, etc. etc. In summary, I just like getting to know a person at their core. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Hell if I know. Lemonade or tea? Lemonade, by a landslide. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite type of cheese? American. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I relate very deeply to Henry Townshend from SH4 with saying "what the hell?" about literally everything. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? I'unno. Character you relate to? Since watching a playthrough of the game the first time, I've related to Max Caulfield from Life is Strange very deeply. An awkward photographer that cares a lot for people. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Grape, usually. Or orange. Favorite potato food? French fries. PC or console gaming? I prefer console games. Writing or drawing? Shit man, why you gotta make me choose? I feel much more satisfaction after drawing something I'm proud of, but I write way more. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Literally none. Do you get motion sickness? No. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Have you ever bailed a friend out of jail? No. Have you ever won anything from a radio station? No. What do you do when you go to the beach? Swim for a while and then sit under the tent or whatever we brought and think about how ready I am to go home and get out of the heat. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. Do you like pickles? Yeah. Do you like camping? I've never been *legit* camping; Dad would just sometimes set up the tent in the yard and he and my sisters and I would sleep out there. I LOVED that as a kiddo. I think I'd enjoy like, one night of actual camping, so long as I have my camera and phone. My technology dependence would probably get me by Day #2, lol. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No, and I don't plan to. Wrecking in one of those can fuck you the hell up. Even with a helmet, just honestly, it seems... pretty stupid to put yourself at THAT incredible a risk. Have you ever had plastic surgery? No. Were you ever sent to the principal’s office as a kid? I don't think so... but maybe once? I have this super faint memory of being in the office, but maybe I was bringing them something from my teacher? That sounds about right. Have you ever used a slingshot? No. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. Do you live in an area that is prone to tornadoes? They happen here, but I wouldn't say we're "prone" to them. We get tornado watches/warnings a lot when we have summer storms, but it's seldom they actually occur, and it's even rarer for them to be noteworthy at all. What breed was the last dog you saw? One of our neighbors has a German Shepherd she walks a lot. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say around or over 20 years? I don't know. What 5 words best describe your mother’s personality? Loving, welcoming, resilient, selfless, and strong. Do you know any transgender people? Yes. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. In the morning, do you eat breakfast first or brush your teeth first? I eat first. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? A number of things, but my weight's the real problem right now. All the weight loss progress I once made has almost been entirely erased... and I'm extremely, extremely upset about it. I'd rather move onto the next question than elaborate on this bullshit. Do you carry condoms? No, I don't have a reason to. Would you date someone with braces? Yes. Do you think people look up to you? God no. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? Pretty much every night. Any vacations planned? No. We've never been able to afford vacations. Who were you last in a car with? My mom. Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? Yeah. My older sister was ooooobsessed. She even had the little toy wand and would dance to the theme when it came on. What do you want for Christmas? Well, it's rather early to think of that, but if I had to pull out an answer right now, it'd probably be either Venus' new terrarium (if I don't already have it) or supplies for it. If by some miracle I've been able to get everything I wanted for it by then, I would seriously love a hognose snake. If you had to get glasses would you wear contacts? I've worn glasses for many years, and I can live with it. I'd prefer contacts so I can get an undereye dermal piercing, but they're just too tedious for me. Best party you’ve ever been to? Maybe a big party my friend Summer had for one of her birthdays many years ago. We played lots of games like darts and stuff while listening to good music and just hanging out. Have you ever been surfing? I have not. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink. Chocolate or strawberry milk? Chocolate, for sure. I hate strawberry milk. Are you subscribed to a lot of channels on YouTube? Oh yes. Do you wish you had a better phone? Yeah. I mean, my phone is fine, but I particularly dislike the poor camera quality. Do you find texting fun? I'm officially becoming an old woman in that I don't really like texting anymore, but only because I make way too many typos. I would much rather type via an actual keyboard. Do you have any friends who have had twins? No. Do you have any past mistakes you’ve made that haunt you every day? Yes. Seriously. Are you bothered by something someone said to you years ago? Things especially Bryar and Colleen have said to me are probably going to die with me.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''pet'' by a perfect circle

[badmoon--rising]

Co-Captain

This episode had cast commentary too and it was beautiful. They keep making Dylan say stuff in Crystal’s place bc she was absent from both recordings and he turned her british in this ep

The way they edited this “previously on” was really well done gotta be honest. Also I still love how Derek was like “I fucking hate Stiles so much” and then literally not a minute later was like “GO GET OUT OF THERE MY UNCLE IS THE ALPHA” they’re just good

YOOOO THEY WON TGE B IG GAME YOOOOOOOOOOOOO

State state state state state state state

Hate the way Jackson pats Scott’s face sjfkdkfk I don’t like Colton or his acting but he plays a good jerk

SCOTT AND DANNY ARE SO GOOD I LOVE THEM SM

Derek nooooooo :( he doesn’t want this to happen

Peter’s like here watch me take a really painful shower

Stiles scrambling in

CAN I JUST SAY I love the score during the scene where Allison sees the flashbang arrowhead in the garage. It has such great tension and it morphs in such a cinematic way like it’s telling the story too. I also love the way they keep that score in season 3 but with a matured change to it. UGH sometimes teen wolf good

Jackson drive fast car out of angst

LYDIA YOU LOOK SO GOTH HERE UGHHHHH

How did Allison know Lydia made out with Scott?? I mean I refuse to let that be canon but also wh

Chris what is wrong with you. Please get out of the cult you’re so scary

YEEESSSSS THE SQUAD IS HEREEE

Stiles bisexual moments compilation

SNDKFKSNFK dude. My jeep.

AAAAAAWWWWWWWWW “I cant protect anyone” [looks at Stiles] THEY LOVE EACH OTHERRRRRRRR

I legitimately don’t understand how Jackson is supposed to be a sympathetic character. He’s literally just rich and entitled I cannot care about him

3B parallels. I love how they call back to moments like these trying to reclaim some normalcy it’s really good writing

Tyler Posey said in the cast commentary that the taser gag was one of his favorite gags to do

SHDKSKKF love the way that he says “well.......... yea”

This hug................. they look like such kids here they make me so sad..... they were so young Allison was so young :((((((

WHY was Stiles so excited about the milk

Ok I’m just gonna say it, it’s absolutely horrible character writing to suggest Stiles would get his dad drunk like this. Like for the love of god can the teen wolf writers pay attention to their own characters’ history?? I could go on and on about this but I won’t in here lmao. Maybe in another post bc there’s a lot of reasons why this doesn’t make any sense. Sometimes teen wolf good and sometimes teen wolf bad

The way that the whiskey is so obviously iced tea

How the fuck does a teacher have Scott’s personal cell phone number. Also when did Scott get a new cell phone?

:( through the dark :( the lyrics make me so sad

God they never talk about it. That’s where Stiles gets it from.

Scott you’re the cutest motherfucker I love you

Ughhh Allison feels so unsafe Everywhere literally everybody around her is lying to her constantly no wonder she’s so fucked up

MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!! YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL

God the way Scott doesnt open the door is really well done UGHHH it feels so creepy

aaaaaaaaaannndd PENIS HALE

Peter I’ll fucking kill you myself I don’t give a shit. Him being like “you ever heard of world war II” and then is like “also I’m not hitler”

Hi Derek ily

Scott I’m so sorry your entire life is a disaster

PETER YOU ARE SO CREEPY ALWAYS IM SO SORRY MELISSA

YEEEESSS STILES SAVES MOM

SNDKDKKF WHIPLASH?? YOU HIT US

Derek being like welcome to my humble abode go inside and let me bite you a little

God i don’t care about you Jackson Derek was right

CO-CAPTAIN YEEESSSSS SCOTT ILYYY HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE

Derek “I’m going to kill you NEVERMIND ILL RISK MY LIFE TO SAVE YOURS” Hale

Scott :(((((

DR. DEATON HAAAIIII I LOVE YOUUUUUU

Mostly? .......mostly. Love that line delivery. Deaton is one of the coolest characters ever

UGHHHHHH THIS FUCJING SONGGGG SHUT UUPP ALLISON YOU ARE SO FUCKED UP IM SONSORRY “WHOOOOOOO WHO ARE YOU REALLYYYYY”

#hrwtw #teen wolf #co-captain #1x10 #teen wolf rewatch #teen wolf liveblog #good ep #teen wolf season 1 #text heavy #cw long post #long post

[ohh-baekhyun]

Nothing Like Us | 02

✨ Summary: Rich, charming and undeniably good-looking, Byun Baekhyun is used to women falling on their knees for him. You are an exception though. Quiet, reserved and indifferent, you are never afraid to put him in his place if you need to. That’s probably why he is quite besotted with you. No woman has ever challenged him the way you do. Thus when he has the chance to spend three weeks under the same roof as you, he makes it his sole mission to win your heart.

✨ Genre: Arranged Marriage-ish!AU, romance, fluff, smut in future chapter.:,

You’ve been here for ten days and you’re starting to think staying here isn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Your books, and the maids keep you company when Baekhyun isn’t home. When he’s home, he’s either purposely rattling your cage to annoy you, flirt with you at every turn, or instigate the Truth or Dare game. It is true that the two of you have bonded through this game. Although lately, the questions he threw have been all over the place, ranging from trivial to inappropriate.

What’s your favorite movie? (Shrek)

Do you believe in Aliens? (Nope)

What do you like about me? (Nothing)

You were lying of course. You just didn’t want him to get a big head about it.

Do you have a Daddy kink? (What do you think?)

As for you, there were times when you put little thought into your question because you just want to get it over with, and times when you are genuinely curious about what you asked. Through this game, although silly, you get to learn so much about Baekhyun. Something serious like him giving up his career as an architect to be the heir to his father’s company, to something unimportant like how his ex-girlfriend dumped him because he pours his milk first before his cereal.

If ten days ago he was merely an acquaintance, today he has graduated to a friend. The kind you get annoyed at so often, but can’t stay mad at for long.

It is a Friday morning and you’re in the dining room all by yourself. Baekhyun has left to work after having a quick breakfast with you. It has become a daily occurence since the start of your stay here. He’ll also be back in the evening for dinner.

You take a sip of your tea and stare at your phone as the screen lights up. There’s a message from your Dad that says, ‘The lawyer will get in touch with you soon. If there’s anything you’d like to add to the contract, please don’t hesitate to let him know.’

Apparently, your Dad has summoned a lawyer to help you draft a prenuptial agreement. You don’t understand what’s the hurry. To be honest, you haven’t given much thought to what happens when three weeks are over, but you are not one to go against your Dad’s order. So with a sigh, you lift your phone off the table reply to his message with an Okay and a Thank you Dad.

Later that night, you’ve finally come up with a few demands you’d like to negotiate. You’ve typed them out in the notes section of your iPad. But now you’re debating if you should discuss about it with Baekhyun before emailing the file to your lawyer. After a moment of quiet consideration, you look for your phone to text him.

You: My room, now.

Byun.B: You think I'm your dog?

You: Can you see me in my room please? :)

Byun.B: What for?

You: There's something I want to show you.

Byun.B: You, naked?

You: Maybe.

Almost immediately, you hear the echo of his door opening and closing, followed by the sound of his footsteps, and lastly, the door to your room swing open. Baekhyun appears wearing a plain white tee and black shorts, his disheveled hair falling slightly over his eyes, they look so soft it makes you want to run your fingers through them.

His eyes found you and you giggle at the dissapoinment raining on his feature when he sees you, not naked.

Baekhyun grunts and mutters something inaudible under his breath.

"Come sit with me," you say before glancing down at your iPad. The door closes and he walks over to you.

He stops by your side, shoving his hands in the pocket of his shorts as he stares down at you. “Why did you invite me to your room?” He asks. “Please tell me we finally doing the deed? Because I am so fucking ready.”

You roll your eyes. “Why do you have to relate everything to sex?”

“If you didn’t invite me here for naughty purposes, what for then?” He asks once he is seated next to you on the ottoman.

"My father has hired a lawyer for me," you told him. "You know, to help me out with the marriage contract and stuff.”

His eyes go round like saucers. "Fuck, we're getting married for real?"

"Oh, I wouldn't hold your breath," You dismiss. His eyes narrowed at you. "But," You carry on. "If I do agree to this arrangement, there are demands that must be fulfilled." You pass him your iPad. "Take a look, I thought it'd be good to review this with you before I email it to my lawyer."

On your ipad is a list of negotiations you've typed out in bulletpoints. They’re not written in legalese but that’s not your job to mind, but the lawyer’s.

I get to finish my studies and find a job of my choosing here.

We move to a new place (preferably a villa and NOT haunted)

I want a pet pig.

He stops reading to stare blankly at you, like he thinks you are crazy.

“What? Pigs are smart okay?”

“Where do you think you're living in? FarmVille?" He says sarcastically.

"We can get a teacup pig!” You protest. “Have you seen them? They’re so small and cute.”

"There’s no such thing as teacup pigs. They are just piglets and will eventually grow into a motherfucking pig. On top of that, they stink and poop like it’s no one’s business.”

You raise your chin at him. ”How are you so sure?”

”I know someone who’s a pig breeder,” He says.

You take a moment to think before reluctantly accepting that Baekhyun is right. You can’t have a fully grown pig in the house, they easily weigh 300kg.

“Fine...I’ll cross that out,” You say, relenting.

Baekhyun notices a slight pout on your lips, and the way your face falls in dissappointment. Feeling bad for letting you down, his heart aches a little.

“Is there any other pet you’d like to have?” He asks softly before adding, “Anything that doesn’t belong on a farm...or a jungle.”

You gaze up at him with hopeful round eyes. “Can we get a kitten or a puppy then?” You ask.

Baekhyun smiles. “That we can,” He agrees before shifting his eyes back to your iPad.

In the event of extramarital affair, I have the right to leave the marriage. We get a divorce with no contest.

Baekhyun looks at you again, this time his expression unreadable. “You think I’m going to cheat on you?”

You honestly have no answer to that. Having being abandon at such a young age, you’ve grown up to be distrustful of the people around you. You grew up believing that everyone will eventually get bored and leave. Like your parents did.

“I hope you don’t take it personally,” you assure him. “I’m not saying you’re untrustworthy, it’s just, I don’t know you well enough to trust you.”

Understanding dawns on his feature and he nods. “Fair enough," He says, fixing his attention to the screen again. His lips pucker in concentration as he stares at the bulletpoints. You peer over his shoulder and watch as he taps on the edit icon on the bottom right of the screen. The keyboard appears and his fingers start moving.

In the event of extramarital affair (never going to happen), I have the right to leave the marriage. As a penalty, 100% of Byun Baekhyun’s assets will be handed over to me.

You read and re-read the part he has just edited. “Are you serious?” You look at him wide-eyed. “You’re giving me full ownership of your property?

He nods easily like it’s no big deal to him. “Anyway, whether or not I have an affair, you’ll still get fifty percent of everything I acquire from the moment you say yes.”

If he’s trying to lure you, then it is partly working. You are not going to lie, his proposal is indeed very appealing. Baekhyun’s assets are staggering, and with that much money, you could finally start up a literacy organization and open up free schools like you always wanted to.

“I’ll have my lawyer draft the prenup agreement as soon as you come up with a decision,” He says.

“Oh, okay...” You mutter, still feeling in complete disbelief.

“What’s next?” He mutters to himself, reverting his attention to the screen.

I want babies and I get to name all of them.

You’ve thought long and hard whether or not you should include that clause in the list. You know Baekhyun is going to tease you upon reading it, but you have to shove your embarrassment under the rug. You’ve always wanted kids and it is important that he is onboard with the idea before you make up your mind about the marriage.

He raised an amused brow at you, one corner of his lips curling up. “Babies huh?”

You feel your cheek heating up. “Why? Do you not want babies?”

He shakes his head and twists around to set the iPad away on the mattress behind him. When he glances back at you, you give him a quizzical stare.

“What does–” you shake your head to imitate his action earlier. “mean?”

“It means if you want babies, I’ll give you babies...But there’s a problem,” He says, folding his arms over his chest. The muscle in his biceps bulge. It's very distracting. 

Damn him.

Stop ogling! you chide yourself. Look up!  

You glance up at him. “What’s the problem?”

“How are we going to make babies if you always run everytime I come near you?” He asks. “You won’t even let me touch you.”

“I’m not going to run,” You say, averting your eyes.

“I don’t believe you.”

Feeling the need to prove him wrong, you lift your chin and will yourself to meet his eyes. “Try me.”

There is a lull of silence that caused the air to grow tense. His gaze dark, intense, hinting at something sexual. “Come sit on my lap,” he finally speaks.

Your eyes descend to his thighs and you gulp nervously. Slowly, you rise from your seat and move to stand before him. You look between him and his lap, hesitating.

Baekhyun watches you, his own heartbeat accellerating when you finally lower yourself on his lap. Once you are seated, he slid a hand over your back, resting his palm on the curve of your waist to hold you just in case you move and fall. This is the closest you two have ever been and he doesn't want to let go.

There's a stretched silence where Baekhyun continues studying your profile closely. You stare down at your fingers, your thumbs twiddling with each other.

“What now?” You say, trying to defuse the awkwardness.

“Put your arms around me, sweetheart,” he whispers slowly into your ears. Goosebumps prickle along the back of your neck at the sound his low voice. Under normal circumstances, you would be chiding him for calling your sweetheart. You don't like it, it's patronising as hell. But this is no normal circumstances, and you are too nervous to even speak. Instead, you take a long shaky breath and soldier on.

When your arms are circled around Baekhyun’s shoulders, he looks straight into your eyes. If you are any other woman in this situation, he would have pulled you in for a kiss already. But you are not just any woman. And it doesn't help that he has no fucking idea whether you're attracted to him or not. He studies you for a moment, his own gaze is twitchy, showing slight hesitation. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” He whispers.

“A little,” you voice out softly. “but not in a bad way.”

He keeps his eyes interlock with yours as he draws in a breath. “And If I touch you, will you push me away?”

“Depends where you touch,” you reply, your voice sounding small.

Looking at how tense you are, Baekhyun doesn’t know where or how to start. The last thing he wants it to scare you away with his advances, but the urge to kiss you is so fucking strong. He keeps his eyes on you. Slowly, almost tentatively, he lifts his hand and smooths his fingertips along your jawline, cupping your face. “Is this okay?” He asks, looking into your eyes.

His hand feels warm against your skin and he’s surprisingly gentle. You sigh and nod. “It’s okay.”

Baekhyun's lips tilt up into a smile, as though he is relieved. “You have such a tiny face,” he wonders as he strokes the back of his thumb over your cheek. “it fits in my hand perfectly.”

Hearing that, you scoff. “You know any guy would say something like you have such a beautiful face or eyes or things like that.”

"You know I am not like any guy,”

“You’re right,” you say with a soft smile. "I've never met anyone like you."

It is only now that you’re realizing how close your face is to his face. There’s a strange tenderness and intimacy in the way he looks at you, and to you own disbelief, you like it. You like him doting on your like this.

“If you keep staring at me like that,” He says to your semi-dazed self. You blink out of it, only to find yourself chained under the intensity of his gaze. “I’m afraid I can’t hold it much longer.”

“H-how do I stare at you?”

Gingerly, he swipes his thumb over your lower lip. “Like you want me to kiss you,” He murmurs. 

You heart misses a beat, and your pale cheek is slowly growing rosy.

Then, he is leaning closer and closer.

Your mind starts to spin like a carousel. You know the right thing to do is to push him away, tell him no. But you can't move. It's as if he has just casted a spell on you to render you paralyzed. Thus, the last thing you see before you close your eyes is how close his face is to yours, and then the light went out and you feel the softness of his lips brushing against yours. You are stiff as a board and it surprises you that he is just as tensed as you are. None of you are moving your lips. This isn't how you expected kissing Baekhyun to feel like. It almost feels like a first kiss all over again because you really don't know what to do. Do you open your mouth? Pull him closer? Or what?

A few seconds passed and Baekhyun eventually pulls away. You open your eyes to meet his eyes, but his gaze is unfathomable. Your brows pulled together into a frown as you try to decipher the look on his face. Is he dissapointed? Oh God, does he think you're a bad kisser? Must be...

"It's late," He says somewhat coldly, looking anywhere but you. "I should go now."

"Oh...Okay," You say, immediately unclasping your arms around his neck and slid off his lap. You turn your back to him once you rise to your feet, too embarrassed to face him after what has just happened.

The two of you exchange a brief goodnight without looking at each other.

And then he is gone.

Fast forward three days later...

The last few days have been hectic for Baekhyun. Ever since his father announced his retirement, Baekhyun has to step in to take over his role as the CEO of the company. Which means, more meetings, more engagements that he needs to attend. In fact he is currently on his way to his third meeting of the day. It sucks because he doesn’t get to spend time with you as much as he would like to.

Good news is, things have been progressing steadily between you two. And Baekhyun realized that for the first time since you arrived here, it felt not so much like you were arguing with him because you despised him but more like you did it because it was fun. 

However, he still doesn’t know where you stand at this point. What happens when three weeks are up? Will you pack your bag and leave, or will you stay?

Fuck.

The thought of you leaving kicks him hard in the gut. He admits he has grown to like you. A hell, hell lot. It is silly because you’ve only been here for two weeks but you’ve became the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up, and the last thing in his mind before he goes to sleep. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you’re slowly letting your guard down around him, and now he gets to see more of the real you.

He knows you had a complicated relationship with your parents. You were abandoned at a very young age and will forever be nursing a broken heart. He couldn’t begin to imagine the pain you went through, to be left behind by your own mother and have your own father sent you away. He knows all of that have left you feeling rejected, unwanted, and often, inadequate about yourself. That’s why you are always shy and reserved around everyone.

Everyone except him.

Whether you like him or not, he doesn’t know. One thing he knows is, you’re never afraid to voice out your opinion or tell him off when you need to, he guess that’s why he loves provoking you so much.

It’s only been a few days but he really missed all the playful banters and bickerings he had with you. He misses the wicked gleam in your eyes when you are firing something back at him. He misses the sweet sound of your laughter when he makes you laugh. He misses the way he feels when he makes you laugh, as if he has just won a grand prize. But more than anything, he misses you.

The last time he talked you was on the night he kissed you. And he fucking ruined everything. He had no idea what the hell happened to him. He has never been that nervous around a girl before. He is a damn good kisser and he knows that. But the moment he pressed his lips against yours, it felt as if he has never kissed all his life. Yet, it didn't stop his heartrate from going overdrive whenever he thinks about how your lips felt against his.

He could've done so much better, but there's no point dwelling on the past. All he knows is, the next time chances like that arise, he swears to kiss the hell out of you and make sure it's the best damn kiss you’ll ever have.

And that next time better be soon because time is running out between you and him. 

Next Chapter

#baekhyun #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun imagine #baekhyun x reader smut #baekhyun x reader fluff #baekhyun x you #baekhyun ff #exo fanfic #exo scenario #byun baekhyun

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 3

Person: it’s to early for me to be alive right now

Teacher: who invented math? Student: Lincoln.

Teacher: You feel as if you get low marks on this 5 paragraph essay you’ll end up poor and homeless and addicted to drugs. Student 1: Yes. Student 2: That’s exactly how it works. Student 3: I mean… you’re not wrong.

Student: It’s called panic and I do it well. I do it very well.

Student 1: I need to get glasses. Student 2: I need to get a will to live.

Student: Physics eats brains for lunch and sucks ass for dinner.

Student: Fuck you Perry the platypus!!

Student: he’s an Asian white supremisist. How does that even happen.

Teacher: After treating him like dirt for 7 years what is he to me? Student 1: Friends? Student 2: Lovers?

Teachers: We can’t have poor people running the place, that’s stupid.

Teachers: It was illegal to be alone because when you are alone you commit a sin.

Student: They play with your intestines? Like jumprope???

Student 1: you make me want to kill myself Student 2: Bitch please! I’ve been making myself want to kill myself for years.

Teacher: If you’re in my class don’t be acting the fool

Student: that’s it! You’ve lost your titty privileges

Student: I have the bladder of an octopus please let me go to the bathroom

Teacher: America broke up with Britain through text and by telling all of their friends but not actually telling Britain.

Student: my peripheral vision up is about as good as a fucking snail’s.

Student: I am allergic to myself.

Student: she brought my coconut juice. I’m going to cry.

Student: my name is Bitch.

Student: my elevator is literally a vsco girl

Student 1: what do you think? Student 2: I think I’m a fucking slut.

Student 1: I look like a lightbulb Student 2: A cute lightbulb. 10/10 would screw you (in)

Teacher: No one likes Axe, but its your friend.

Student: I am a flaming homosexual and that is why I want to dye my hair pink in honor of the women that I love so much

Student: oh my god it’s Michael fucking Jackson! *screams*

Student: Im 16 but not even very much 16.

Teacher: Theres a reason my cousin Neil trades three shifts of paramedic work so he doesn’t have to work on the night of the full moon.

Student: I know it sounds scary running from the police but it’s actually just leisurely walking away from them.

Student: I was washing my hands after lunch and this guy just started bleeding out next to me.

Student: I’m just saying, I would wear a full out prom dress to school and no one could stop me.

Student: I have the strength of a roasted peanut.

Student 1: Avacodo’s are thicc though. If there was a sexiest food event then avocado would win hands down. Student 2: what about peaches Student1: I would 100% fuck an avocado.

Student: chicken nuggets re the dad bod of the food world.

Student: in conclusion: gay.

Student: Hey Mr (Teacher) can you please elaborate on your outfit choice today?

Teacher: Dueling? You know the 10 paces fire? The thing that Hamilton is known for but he was a lot better at?

Teacher: Dreams are kinda wack Student: But this is another level of wack.

Student 1: Im just saying you could totally suck a dick by mistake. Student 2: How? Student 1: Like if you’re watching a movie and he’s holding a soda bottle between his legs and you want a sip but it’s dark you could totally accidentally suck a dick.

Student 1: hurry the fuck up Student 2: that is not how you treat people, you need to have some respect. You say PLEASE hurry the fuck up.

Student: You know, Stockholm syndromes. Like when someone is kidnapped and then catches feelings for their master, daddy kinks, that kinda shit.

Student: IF I were to eat Donalt Trump’s ass it would be so white I’d get retinal cancer just from looking at it.

Student: You were texting her which made us loose the quizlet live game! She is a whore!

Teacher: you’re a dirty old man, you read the script

Student: you’re my hwb. Homies with benefits.

Student 1: I’m a shell 2: I’m a crab. 3: what do crabs do to shells 2: I’m going to go live and eat inside you then eventually leave you for another

Student: Ayyyy!! We’re getting mono!!

Student: Stop catching feelings you dumb emotionally suicidal bitch!!!!

Teacher: *Student’s name* you need to find friends who love you.

Student: Is that a kneecap? *fake cough* Slut. *fake cough*

Teacher: Yah Buccanan was our first gay president. Student: But he was a Democrat! Teacher:… you DO know that people can be gay and a democrat.

Student: This whole book was just a giant KFC commercial.

Student: he other day I tried to zoom in on a book.

Student: every time I head an Indian person talk it’s like they’re raping me but in a good way.

Student: You canned corn of a human.

Student: you look like a broken piano

Student: There’s no room for Jesus! I don’t want to see him!

Student 1: Tiger sharks are the goats of the ocean. Student 2: Wrong. I’m the goat of the ocean.

Student: Florida is the Bermuda Triangle of stupid shit.

Student: Jesus has a plan for me, and I don’t think it’s in his textbook of an agenda.

Student: did you talk to her? Because I’m pretty sure blowing up a school is frowned upon.

Student: and that’s on period no tampon.

Student 1: what would your stripper name be? Student 2: Ruby. Teacher who over heard: Excuse me. Teacher here, stripper conversation over there. Please move the inappropriate conversation somewhere where I can’t hear it. Vanilla Pudding. (the thing about this one, was she was telling us that in the past, her stripper name was Vanilla Pudding)

Student: (Different student’s name), if I told you that I was possessed last night would you believe me?

Student: (Teacher) I was possessed last night, is there, like, biology to support that?

Student: Could I theoretically live forever if I drank infinite 5 hour energies.

Teacher: I have more glue sticks I just don’t put them out because the freshman eat them.

Student: drinking chocolate milk isn’t good for you it just like tragic.

Student: who do people even get stds, I can’t even get dms

Student: Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me you did not find my house by looking at snap maps. YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS!!!

Student: Hey you lived in Africa right? Does that mean you can say the n word?

Student: Someone threatened to open up my chest, piss in it, and close it back up.

Student: For how good I am at catching feelings, you’d think I’d be better at sports.

Student 1: I’m a Taurus. Student 2: I thought you were gay.

Student: So if I ate a tide pod then ate a t-shirt what would happen?

Student: Buddhism is just a series of vibe checks until eventually one works.

Student: why does bugs bunny have so much cleavage??

Student: Don’t underestimate snoopy you fucking heathen.

Teacher: So what you’re saying is when the okay boomer generation dies we won’t be racist anymore?

Student: Venus is in retrograde and that’s why Im not dealing with your bullshit.

Student: What is wrong with you. No sincerely. What made you think that eating a green banana is okay.

Teacher: You know Up? In the movie there’s this dog and when he’s talking then he’ll turn and say squirrel. That’s like me. I think I have adhd.

Student: you absolute tea drinking taxes liberal.

Student 1: if you see my cat run. She’s psycho. Student 2: Can I run her over with my tires?

Student 1: I will drive us through the gates of Shaw and into the water. Student 2: I hope we blow up underwater.

Student 1: Juxpositioning my rain boots with my lingerie. Student 2: those rhyme. Wait no they don’t!

Student: when he says he has a tenor recorder, but really we all know he only has a soprano recorder.

Student 1: you’re shoelaces are untied Student 2: I know. I hope I trip on it and die. Student 3:I felt that

Student: Every time I see a 9/11 ad I always pretend to have a panic attack.

Students chanting: Eat the rich. Eat the rich. Student 2: Rich, more like Bitch.

Student 1: UWU I’m going to lock you in my gas chamber Student 2: Primes flame thrower UWU

Student: I’m not Like other girls. I die on command

Studrnt1: Turkey bitch Student 2: she just called you a turkey bitch Student 1: yes you specifically are a Turkey bitch

Student: I will eat a bitches dick. Gobble gobble motherfucker.

Student 1: he opens my snaps in 10 seconds Student 2: that’s love

Student 1: My for you page is almost exclusively gays, theatre, and Percy Jackson at this point. Student 2: Those are all the same thing basically.

Student: I would have kicked so much ass freshman year if I wasn’t depressed.

Student: Navy blue is the white kid who thinks he can say the n word of the color world. He thinks that he’s black.

Student: Your nose hairs look fragrant. Would you mind if I took a taste?

Student: Boxed water tastes like what I imagine trader joes to taste like as a water.

Student: The water from Moana would be a gentle lover.

Student: we feast tonight brother. I found this in the trash can.

Student: Okay, but I cry myself to sleep BETTER than you.

Student: Can you Venmo me some titties please?

Girl holding hands with another girl: It’s a good thing we’re dating otherwise this’d be pretty gay.

Student 1: I just wanted to know if you knew Lincoln personally. Teacher: What? Student 2: We think you’re a time traveler.

Student 1: Sweetie, you’re having a breakdown over rocks. Student 2: I really hate that class!!!

Student: I love being the joker when we play chess

Student: are you saying that you finger fuck your eurethra?

Student 1: Honestly sometimes I just go onto that lofi hip hop radio, beats to relax/study to thing and just get into a fight with someone in the comment section. It’s fantastic. Student 2: Sometimes they do give good advice though, once I asked if I should ask out this guy and they responded with “No, guys ain’t shit” and I was like “aight you right, you right” Student 3: Sometimes it gets weird though, like once I went on and everyone was talking about how sex and money have become the new gods of our time, and how someday a future generation will die without ever seeing the light of the sun. Student 1: Okay but are they wrong though?

Student: It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl or something in between or something else entirely. A bitch is a bitch, and you sir, are a bitch.

Student 1: so last night I killed and area few of your kids, I hope you don’t mind. Student 2: nah I don’t really care.

Student: what size pussy your phone got?

Student 1: I listen to songs about Greek gods and being polyamorous Student 2: I listen to songs about... smashing.

Student: Motzarella cheese is the pastel pink of the cheese world.

Student: Someone who can bench press 200 has nothing on someone that can just double fist eat Costco sized pound blocks of cheddar cheese.

Student: I will drag you down to hell and make the devil give you therapy so help me. Student: You see, we don’t conjugate words in English, much less math.

Students: well the thing about gamers is, you know they’re good with their hands.

Student: Oka first of all, we’re all on the same planet, so that’s already real small. Then, what are the chances that we were born the same species, like I could have been born a platypus. I could have been a mealworm. Then the chances that we’re in the same country then the same state then the same school like damn. Imma just vibe now.

Student 1: You’re built like a baked bean Student 2: IDK why that hurt me so much but it did.

Student: If I don’t get a hug in the next 10 minus, I’m going directly to the pentagon to tell Trump to suck my dick.

#funny thingsi'veheardhighschoolerssay highschool student teacher swearing newatthis