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emo-batboy · 11 months

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Battinson and Food

He’s vegetarian and I will hear none of your crap

Depression meals, so many depression meals

I already made a post of his greatest hits here but here's three more:

A whole tub of apple sauce

Instant grits mixed with a hot chocolate packet

And a bowl of croutons

Some meals have actually graduated from the “Depression Meal” category to “Whenever I Can Sneak It Out of the Kitchen” status (because Alfred is appalled every time)

Dick, with the invincible, titanium-lined stomach of a 9yo, doesn’t know why Bruce makes them, but he loves taking bites of Bruce’s weird concoctions.

His favorites so far are:

Cream cheese and jelly sandwich

Spoonfuls of peanut butter (with chocolate chips, that was his idea)

And frozen garlic bread

Diner Food is King. (This is New Jersey. What did you expect?) His go-to order is two eggs over easy, well-done rye toast, grits with syrup and butter, and a fruit cup with no melons from the 24-hour place two blocks east. Hasn’t changed since he was five. Never will.

Bruce can cook food that is edible. Edible.

Like if he tries to make Italian, he can successfully cook the pasta. He can make a basic sauce. He can even plate it.

The tomato sauce is crunchy in some places, yes, but it’s fine :) and it is edible

but Bruce has NEVER succeeded in a baking endeavor, and it positively devastates him every single time

“Baking is science! I love science! I’m great at science. So why didn’t the cake rise when I did everything on the recipe?!” “You need to make it with love-“ “That wasn’t on the ingredients list, Alfred!”

He can handle spice surprisingly well. It’s not like he could avoid it while training all over the world, so he ended up building a tolerance, but his eyes still go unbelievably red every time.

He really fucks with bagels (I mean, what self-respecting Gothamite doesn’t) and he has a very specific bagel order for every possible mood from the great place downtown

The workers at Bagel Kingdom know which moods correspond with which order, and they have a designated spreadsheet taped to the back of the counter so they can work accordingly.

They know he’s barely hanging in there when he gets a toasted blueberry bagel with no butter.

He’s having a good day when he gets a plain bagel sandwich with tomato, provolone, two fried eggs, and hot sauce. In that order. That’s the shit

When he’s stressed, he gets a pumpernickel bagel with strawberry cream cheese to cheer himself up.

The workers of Bagel Kingdom will NOT let you disrespect his bagel.

Bruce almost burnt the tower down when he tried to cook a toaster waffle in the microwave while running on 40 hours without sleep, and he just kept cooking it because it wasn’t crisping for some reason

Alfred needs to force him to eat all the time

(It is definitely because Bruce suffers from disordered eating.)

There was one period of time in which Bruce went days without food, and Alfred (lovingly) threatened to send him to in-patient if he didn’t eat

Bruce said that those gross, mushy, lukewarm blueberries were the only thing he’d tolerate when he was struggling, so blueberries became their indicator: if Bruce can’t stomach blueberries, he goes to in-patient.

He’s gone twice, and Bruce was very mad each time, but he still uses healing methods that he was taught in there so it couldn’t have been that bad.

(He’s also friends with some of the nurses now. He, Denise, and Kayleigh have a group chat.)

Dick once convinced him to test taste different kinds of olive oil to learn the difference between regular and extra virgin. It was absolutely disgusting, and he ended up puking an hour later. Alfred now puts child locks on the kitchen cabinets.

The first time Bruce ever makes a meal that doesn’t look horrid is when he spends two weeks practicing Romani dishes for Dick the month after he adopts him.

He has since perfected three different recipes:

Stuffed peppers

Goulash

Cabbage rolls

(Keep in mind Dick is not vegetarian like Bruce.)

He tried making almond cake like 80 times (which is more like a biscuit but still a baked good) but could never do it right so Alfred makes them instead.

At dinner time, Dick always eats off Bruce’s plate more than his own. Alfred has chastised him several times, but Bruce only encourages him more. He thinks it’s cute. And so does the general public when they attend dinner parties.

One of Bruce's favorite memories of his parents is when he had a bad dream in the middle of the night so Thomas and Martha drove him out to the nearest diner to have a chocolate milkshake at 3 am.

Now, after patrol, if Bruce saw something traumatic or something that reminded him of his parents’ death, he’ll go to that same 24-hour diner and sit for a bit with a chocolate milkshake.

He continues this tradition after Dick becomes Robin. (Even if it took months for Bruce to even consider the idea of letting Dick near harm’s way.)

No matter how hard he tries to keep Dick away from the gruesome stuff, he can’t stop everything. They get milkshakes a lot more than Bruce would like.

But eventually, it turns into a treat whenever Dick does well in school or needs a pick-me-up.

And when they add Jason to the mix, they introduce him to the tradition as well.

They know everything will be okay when they have chocolate milkshakes together.

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foodffs · 8 months

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This delicious Monte Cristo Sandwich Recipe is made with ham, turkey, and Swiss Cheese between two slices of white bread dipped in egg batter and fried up golden brown in a skillet. It is almost like eating a grilled cheese sandwich with all the goodies inside sandwiched between French Toast.

#submission

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seat-safety-switch · 1 year

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This breakfast place near me offers a meal called the “Cowboy Breakfast.” Despite the name, you can still order it if you are a cowgirl, catgirl, or any other combination of gender and human-animal hybrid. And so, last weekend, I headed on down to the place, after discovering that my refrigerator was devoid of fried pork products, eggs, sausages, and inch-thick Texas toast. Friends, we should change that “offers” in the very first sentence to “offered,” because this restaurant was gonezo.

When a restaurant you loved closes, it can feel sometimes like losing a friend. In my case, it was a distant friend that I made in high school, and hung out mostly with when I was hungover, but forgot about entirely in the decades after. Until it was too late. I was distraught, and by far the worst part of the experience was feeling responsible.

If only I had bought several hundred thousand dollars’ worth of Cowboy Breakfasts every single morning, I told myself on the way back home, then the owner surely would have been able to buy his way out of his conviction for real-estate fraud and Murder Two. This guilt galvanized me into stopping by another restaurant, just down the road, and ordering breakfast there instead. It was at that point that I realized I had just been hungry.

As long as the local truck stop isn’t invaded by hipsters, I think I can deal with it. That place has long been my favourite chow-zone after a long morning pulling engines at the junkyard, and I think you’re really going to like it, all several thousand of you sitting in the rotting backseat of my car, trying not to fall into the exposed driveshaft and barely-restrained third member of the back axle. I’ll put a new floor in there one day, I swear, just as soon as I find a fallen traffic sign that’s big enough.

Yep, here we are. Oh shit. Is that a Range Rover in the parking lot? This place is forever lost to us. Okay, everyone, plan B. We’re going to learn how to make our own grilled cheese sandwiches instead. You just can’t trust the restaurant industry.

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smallgodseries · 3 months

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He doesn’t need to be a purist.

He doesn’t need to concern himself with oil temperature or fluffiness or finding the perfect fold. He doesn’t care what ingredients are used, as long as eggs (or egg substitute) are among them, and he’s not here to debate the difference between an omelet and a scramble. He just wants everyone to have a filling, fulfilling breakfast, or lunch, or midnight meal after the concert, when they need something to settle their stomachs and make them feel like the world is going to be beautiful again. He’s here for the people who need soft foods for one reason or another, the ones who drown his works in cheese and salsa, and the stoners out at two in the morning, settling into their padded booths at one of this twenty-four-hour temples.

Let the chefs and the pedants argue endlessly about the finer points of the culinary art, about the difference between omelet and crepe, or quiche, or any number of other egg-based dishes. The only argument he cares about is fresh fruit and cottage cheese vs. home fries and pork products, and he doesn’t even care about that very much. He wants everyone to have whatever side dish their heart desires, drenched in butter or lightly sprinkled with herbal salts or devoid of all seasoning save for its own juices. Elvis isn’t here to judge. Judging is the task of other gods.

And as to those other gods, well…he is happy to feed them all. He just wants the world to be full and content and peaceful, and if his way of achieving it involves mise en place and shredded cheese, can anyone really question his methods? Can he really be blamed for thinking a properly browned piece of toast can help to bring about world peace?

Anyone who tries is probably just hungry. Come, and eat, and be fulfilled.

#small gods #smallgodseries #lee moyer #icons and stories #seanan mcguire

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copperbadge · 9 months

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I spent a lot of last week not doing great, and when that happens I tend to a) not eat at all or b) eat whatever food is in my kitchen and not restock it or take inventory of what I need.

I finally managed yesterday to get out to the grocery store and pick up food, including sandwich rolls, beef, media crema for making dip, and some spectacular "Carolina Gold" BBQ chips from Trader Joe's. I also set out the cheese and pizza sauce from the freezer to thaw so that I could make pizzas.

Last night, after I got home from some errands, I was actually feeling like eating something delicious and intentional, so I thought, I could make pizza burgers!! and so I did. Pizza sauce (plain tomato sauce simmered with italian seasonings and a jar of pesto rosso) and mozzarella cheese, toasted on an open-face sandwich roll, with a pan-fried burger (ground beef, egg, bread crumbs, shallots, garlic, and some leftover sauteed mushroom) on top. Fold, devour with bbq chips and onion dip.

[ID: Two images; the first shows a hamburger on a bun covered in pizza sauce and melted cheese, open-face. The second, on the same plate, shows the burger now closed, a pile of golden ridged potato chips, and a small bowl with cream-colored onion dip in it.]

#food #sam cooks #burgers #pizza

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wu-sisyphus-gang · 10 months

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You Don't Need a Menu

Yang: What time is it going to be?

Ruby: Oh yeah. If we're going to be here all night we might want to order food.

Jaune: Chinese okay?

Yang: Yeah Chinese works.

Ruby: Sounds good.

Jaune: Lets do ming moon's. They close in five minutes so just tell me what you want to order and I'll call it in.

Weiss: I'll have the general so's combo.

Ruby: Uh sorry do they have a menu?

Jaune: I mean yeah presumably. But its a chinese food restaurant so they have chinese food.

Ruby: Okay let me just look at the menu and I'll decide what I want.

Jaune: Okay well they aren't on yelp so there is no menu but they have chinese food. You wouldn't need a menu for ordering pizza.

Ruby: Wait were getting pizza? Now I definitely need to see a menu.

Jaune: *Slams his table* No! We're not getting pizza. We have exactly four minutes until this place closes. We're not getting pizza and even if we were none of you should need a menu. Right? You know what kind of toppings you like, every place has the same toppings, and you should know generally what you like by now. Look, you've had chinese food before.

Ruby: Uh um I don't know I'm not sure!

Jaune: You're not sure???

Yang: Come to think of it I really want to see a menu too. Because what if I want to change things up?

Jaune: Yang, you can live in some magical universe where you try something new and make new and exciting decisions but we all know you're getting the steamed beef and broccoli fried rice and an egg roll like you do every time and Blake is getting the chicken lo mein.

Blake: Leave me out of this!

Weiss: What if they don't have general so's?

Jaune: They have general so's or something like it.

Ruby: But what if they don't?

Weiss: What if they don't, though?

Jaune: I promise you that they will have general so's or something like it.

Ruby: I just don't know what I want unless I pick it off a menu.

Jaune: Okay. Alright. Fine. Using the power of your imagination construct a menu in your mind's eye consisting of all the things you've ordered from chinese places in your entire life. Then using that mental menu, tell me what the fuck you want to order!

Yang: What if they don't have dumplings?

Ruby: What if they don't have dumplings, what then?

Jaune: As the gods as my witness they will have dumplings.

Weiss: But are they on the menu because it would be really rude to ask if it's not on the menu.

Jaune: Menus are for cowards and simpletons Weiss. Persons of character look in their heart and know what they want to order.

Ruby: So you always know what you want to order?

Jaune: I haven't looked at menu for ten years.

Ruby: Bullshit!

Jaune: Try me.

Yang: Tai food?

Jaune: Chicken pad krapraw.

Weiss: Indian?

Jaune: Chicken marsala with garlic knots.

Ruby: Italian?

Jaune: Chicken parm.

Yang: They're out of chicken parm.

Jaune: Feduccini alfredo.

Yang: Go to hell!

Jaune: You first.

Weiss: Genie grants you three wishes?

Jaune: Worlds greatest sorcerer, new magic lamp, freedom for the first genie.

Ruby: You're at a diner where you can mix and match. Menu is ten pages.

Jaune: Cheeseburger deluxe medium well bacon and grilled onions and wafflefries. If they don't have that, curly fries. If they don't have that, regular fries. And a chocolate godsdamned milkshake.

Weiss: You're going to give yourself a heart attack!

Jaune: You're going to give me a heart attack. Two minutes!

Ruby: So what? You order the same meal every time?

Jaune: I order the best meal every time.

Yang: You can't have a cheese burger for breakfast!

Jaune: Can too!

Weiss: What if you're not in the mood for a cheese burger?!

Jaune: Then I'd be in the mood for a cheddar omelette with two slices of plain white toast and a cup of coffee with some hashbrowns on the side. And you know what?! I wouldn't need a menu to know it!

Weiss: So you only have two moods? Is that it?

Jaune: Two moods is more than enough for anyone!

Ruby: You're insane!

Jaune: One minute!

Weiss: General so's combo.

Ruby: Wanton soup.

Yang: Beef and broccoli with steamed rice and an egg roll.

Blake: Chicken lo mein.

Jaune: I knew it you slime!

Jaune: *into his scroll* I'll have a number one, a number three, a number five, a number seven, and a wanton soup and an eggroll for pick up. Have a great night. *hangs up*

Jaune: You mother fuckers!

Yang: You know technically an egg roll is a sandwich.

Jaune: Oh go to hell.

#rwby #jaune arc #rwby incorrect quotes #weiss schnee #ruby rose #blake belladonna #yang xiao long

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jobesbabe · 18 days

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Summer Baby/ Dominik Szoboszlai Part 2

It’s July, 2024. A few of the Liverpool boys are looking for a getaway before and between the summer series and stumble upon your mom’s vacation home in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. There, they spend their time enjoying the sun and one in particular, enjoying the company. You find yourself falling for a charming Hungarian- Domi.

a/n- Heyy, if you haven’t read part 1, go do that now, but if you’re returning to read, THANK U SM!! pls reblog and comment to lmk u want more! ty!

PART 2

warnings- Fluff for this part, maybe more to come in the next 😉

“Liverpool fc?” Your mom asked from the other side of her door. “The red ones with the bird as the logo? They're the boys who are staying here?

You nodded your head. “They're awfully nice too. Super polite, all of them. Even Harvey and Curtis!” You told her.

Though you two lived at your vacation home, it was separated from where the boys themselves stayed. The house from the outside was one massive house, but on the inside it was basically half of a house, sharing the back porch and entrance to the beach.

Your mom was getting ready to spend some time at her boyfriend’s place further north at the beach and she decided it was best for you to stay here with the crew of them. Curtis, Harvey, Caoimhin, Dominik, Conor and Bobby.

You didn’t mind, you liked the bunch of them, especially Dominik. He was so effortless in everything he did and still made it look sexy.

After your walk the night prior, he had given you his personal number.

“So the two of us can know each other better,” he had said, causing you to smile like a little kid, and you knew it.

Now, you were snapped out of your thoughts by your mother.

“Y/n, honey, don’t you think you should check if the guests want breakfast?” She asked in a rhetorical way, telling you to get your butt moving for the boys on the other side of the door.

Opening it, you slinked into a calm and peaceful time you knew was only because the boys were all sleeping. It was 9 am and you expected at least one person to be awake and getting ready for the day.

Going into the kitchen, you reached for the stocked fridge’s handle and took out eggs, bacon, cheddar cheese, rye bread and butter.

You got out a bowl and started scrambling some eggs when you felt a tap on your right shoulder.

You turned to be met by Dominik, with fluffy messed up morning hair and no shirt in sight. Eyes lingering on his pecs for a moment too long you look up.

He’s smirking, clearly seeing the effect he has over you and using it to his advantage.

“Good morning, Domi,” You said to him emphasizing the nickname he had encouraged you to call him.

“morning y/n,” His accent a bit thicker because of the morning grogginess in his voice. He rubbed his eyes. “So, what- what’re you making?” Dominik asked.

“A proper American breakfast of eggs, toast, bacon,” You told him.

“mmm,” He said, getting closer to look over you and grabbing your waist with one hand in the process. You gasp a bit before smiling again and hoping he doesn’t notice.

You turn your head to the man towering over you, breathing in his natural scent for a moment before returning your attention to the eggs. He chuckles under his breath and you can feel his chest vibrating for a second. He was well aware of the effect he had on you.

“How do you like your eggs?” You ask Domi.

“hm, I love a good scrambled egg,” He says to you in his accent and then he gets even closer than he is already to whisper in your ear, “but a fried egg sounds like heaven.”

You close your eyes in the moment, nodding for a moment before your alone time is interrupted.

“S’up guys,” Harvey says in his loud voice, followed by Bobby and Conor. You expect Caoimhin & Curtis to be close behind.

Dominik takes a few steps back from your body and removes his hand from your waist.

You turn to the three newly awaken boys, “Breakfast, How’d you like your eggs?”

“I suppose scrambled is fine for me,” Bobby starts.

“I second that,” Harvey says.

“Me too,” Conor says.

Walking in, Curtis groans out, “whatever it is I agree,”

With that, you pour the lot of them coffee, with the exceptions being Curtis and Dominik who requested espresso shots. You began brewing them from your espresso machine and placing them in small cups in front of the two men, who downed them like water.

Preparing the plates, you put toast and bacon on all the settings, but scrambled on the four that agreed to it and sunny side up on Caoimhin’s since thats what he requested fresh out of bed. Lastly, you placed Domi’s fried egg on the plate and began bringing them out.

“Scrambled for these guys, Sunny side up for Caoimh, and a fried egg for Domi,” You said, slightly proud of yourself.

The round table had an extra setting you hadn’t remembered putting out, complete with a plate and silverware.

Domi grabbed your hand before you could slink back to the kitchen.

“Thank you y/n, but we were thinking you’d join us for breakfast.” He told you.

You nodded, aware of the side eye you were receiving from Curtis, who definitely was not a morning person.

“I’d like that,” You said.

An hour later, you were all still at that table laughing your heads off as Curtis told you a story of Harvey back when he was fresh out of Fullham’s academy and had made a terrible hair choice.

“Man, that’s gotta be like in photos somewhere, right?” You asked between chuckles.

“No! no, no, no, no, there’s definitely no photos of me from then,” Harvey exclaimed, even though there were probably hundreds, on Curtis’ phone alone.

You all laughed again.

“Well, it’s nearly 10:45, I should get to cleaning this up,” You told the boys, pushing out your chair and getting up.

“I can help you, if you’d like,” Domi offered as you shook your head no.

“no, please that’s not necessary,” You said grabbing four plates, and despite your efforts, Domi followed you with the other three.

The rest of the players rolled their eyes at the obviously infatuated Hungarian man who was acting like a lovestruck boy or a lost little puppy.

You had to admit, that he was cute. Cuter than any guy who had ever laid his eyes on you. You smiled as he pushed you out of the way to get to the sink, grabbing the sponge and the soap.

“Domi, please let me do it,” You told him.

“No édesem, we can do it together,” He told you.

Your heart fluttered and he stepped out of the way for a moment before both of his tattooed arms surrounded you and took control of the dish washing.

You giggled as he splashed water at your face and you did it back to him.

“édesem, what does that mean?” you asked Dominik in a flirty tone, already knowing the answer.

“It means honey, like how people would say darling in english,” he nods to prove his point.

“I like it,” You say smiling.

As you finish the dishes, he hugs you from the back.

“Beach walk later?” he asks you like its already your routine.

“deal,” you tell him.

He smirks.

——————————

a/n - Ahh, thats it for now, lmk if you like it!!

#footballer imagine #football #footballer x reader #dominik szoboszlai #dominik szoboszlai x reader #szobo #szoboszlai

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greatbigbellies · 10 months

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The McPreggo Menu (6/28/23 update)

While I by no means came up with the McPreggo concept, I am a very big fan of it, so I wrote up a hypothetical menu for funsies! This menu got a surprising amount of attention and I received a bunch of suggestions for future items. So here, I’ve implemented them and given the menu a nice content update! I tried to fit as many ideas as I could, but if I missed yours, send another anon and I’ll work it in next time! Full menu under the cut!

Every item can be ordered individually or in a combo! Combos come with your choice of a side, and a drink! Different sides have different effects, try them all!

#1 The McPreggo Burger

The original filler-upper! Carry a singleton in minutes with this mouth watering single quarter pound patty cheeseburger, with tomatoes, lettuce, diced onion, pickles, and your choice of sauces!

#2 The Twinner

Twice as filling, twice as heavy, go full term with twins with TWO quarter pound patties, with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, diced onion, pickles, and your choice of sauces!

#3 The Triple Stack

Sensing a pattern? Go big with triplets, with three whole quarter pound patties (That’s 12 oz of meat!) with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, diced onion, pickles, and your choice of sauces! (Warning, Doctor’s note required for purchase)

#4 The Breaded Babymaker

A mouth watering crispy chicken sandwich topped with lettuce and mayo, on a sesame seed bun! 50/50 odds for a singleton or twins!

#5 The Labor-Inducer

Well… not QUITE real labor, but this breaded chicken sandwich packs a spicy kick with pepper sauce, knocks you up with one, and causes regular braxton-hicks for the duration of the food-induced pregnancy! Those those who enjoy a more intense experience!

#6 The Twinner Chicken Dinner

Three breaded and fried chicken strips, worth a trimester each! Each strip takes you up one trimester with twins, with each basket linked to a set of twins, so no fear going overdue by eating more than one serving!

#7 The Fish Filet Sandwich

A tasty fish filet with light breading, with cheese and tartar sauce! Induces a singleton pregnancy with safe-but-noticeable polyhydramnios, giving extra amniotic fluid!

#8 The Quad Pod

A meal for the truly brave, comes with a double cheeseburger (The Twinner) and three chicken strips (The Twinner Chicken Dinner) to land you full of quadruplets at 40 weeks if fully consumed! (Warning, Doctor’s note required for purchase)

#9 The Family Feast Not a feast for a family, but a feast to help you MAKE one! A Triple Stack, A Breaded Babywaker, and a Twinner Chicken Dinner, to land you full of 6-7 babies, all at full term! Not for the feint of heart! (Warning, Doctor’s note and signed waiver required for purchase)

Breakfast (ALL DAY!)

Hash Brown

Crispy outside, soft potato-y inside. Warm morning goodness! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will make a belly drop as if full term and close to birth!

Ready-To-Pop Tarts

Our most versatile product, each Ready-To-Pop Tart is named after the quantum baby it induces, and results in a 1-to-1 pregnancy experience as if you were carrying that baby at full term! Each name has its effects listed on the box, such as extra size, carrying low, specific cravings, and so on! Mix and match to carry multiples and craft your perfect pregnancy! Or, try a mystery unlabelled one and see who YOU get pregnant with!

Sausage Egg Muffin

A toasted english muffin housing a breakfast sausage patty, and a folded scrambled egg! A morning classic! If eaten before other McPreggo products, will delay the onset of those products by 1 hour per breakfast sandwich. Additional sandwiches will increase the duration of the delay. Delay timer begins after full consumption of the breakfast sandwich.

Bacon Egg Griddle

Crispy strips of bacon, folded scrambled egg, between two delicious maple flavored griddles! If eaten before other McPreggo products, will cause effects of those products to onset over time instead of instantly. Each sandwich consumed causes effects to onset over the course of 30 minutes, with additional griddles slowing the onset further. Cannot slow an onset to be longer than the base pregnancy duration.

The Baby Burrito

A breakfast burrito for those who are early-risers, this morning meal has scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, melted cheese, and tater tots, wrapped in a warm flour tortilla. Gives you a singleton at 20 weeks along!

SPECIAL LIMITED TIME ITEMS

These items are only available for small windows of time, and don't interact with our other products due to their unique nature. They’re a big commitment, but provide a very genuine experience. For customers looking for something that takes more dedication than a standard combo meal.

The McCrib

A special BBQ rib sandwich, only available during the first month of even numbered years. Slow cooked rib meat slathered in BBQ sauce, the McCrib answers the question of “what if humans could properly fully develop in the womb, rather than being born at just 9 months?”. Comparative to most other species, humans give birth very prematurely so that the baby can be safely delivered. McPreggo quantum babies aren’t ever birthed, allowing us to see what life would be like otherwise. Upon consuming a full McCrib, the customer starts on a 21 month pregnancy, spanning 7 trimesters, and allowing the quantum baby to grow to the size and weight of a one year old, with all the challenges and experiences that come with that. A slow burn experience, this pregnancy will include increased weight, size, and strength of the baby inside, finally reaching its apex after almost 2 years of uninterrupted pregnancy. It should be noted that McCrib pregnancies do not stack with each other, so only a singleton may be carried for 21 months. However, other McPreggo products will still function independently, meaning that additional temporary babies may be added, though baby altering effects from items such as the chicken nuggets, will have no effect on the McCrib baby.

The Beastly Burger

An extra large McPreggo burger stacked high with toppings, slathered in a unique “Monster Sauce”, and only sold annually during october. Initiates a 9 month long “anomalous pregnancy”, where the eater becomes pregnant with a mysterious, monstrous entity! Featuring many mouths, eyes, tentacles, and other fun additions that can be felt on the inner walls of the womb! Squirmy and active, it’ll make for a highly engaging and invigorating pregnancy! Will not interact with other McPreggo products, though they can be enjoyed in tandem. (Warning: unusual belly blemishes and strange cravings may occur)

Sides

Fries

Crispy, salty yukon gold fries! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will make a belly lower and longer, resulting in a torpedo belly! Watch where you point that thing! (Small: +5% belly length, Medium: +7.5% belly length, Large: +10% belly length. Belly height will vary. Percentages are approximate.)

Tater Tots

Crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will make a belly wider at the sides, resulting in a beach ball belly. Look pregnant from behind too! (Small: +5% belly width, Medium: +7.5% belly width, Large: +10% belly width. Roundness will vary. Percentages are approximate.)

Onion Rings

Ring segments of onion, battered and fried! What’s not to love? If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will make a belly’s skin a little tighter, resulting in more stretchmarks and visible veins! Look at those tiger stripes! (Small: +15% stretchmark visibility, Medium: +25% stretchmark visibility, Large: +35% stretchmark visibility. Percentages are approximate.)

Mozzarella Sticks

Breaded and deep fried sticks of mozzarella cheese! Warm and soft, with a great cheese pull! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will extend the effects of an active food-based pregnancy by 90 minutes per stick eaten! Comes in a 4 piece, 6 piece, or 8 piece!

Fried Pickle Chips

A staple with pregnant people, breaded slices of pickle, salted and fried to perfection. If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will increase the strength of pregnancy cravings when consumed! (Small: +20% craving strength, Medium: +40% craving strength, Large: +60% craving strength. Percentages are approximate.)

Chicken Nuggets

A staple, back and heavier than ever! A 6 piece nugget with your choice of dipping sauce! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will increase the weight of babies by 2% per nugget! Careful! That adds up faster than you’d expect!

Spicy Chicken Nuggets

Made with a breading that brings the heat, rile up your cargo with this delicious side! A 6 piece spicy nugget comes with your choice of dipping sauce! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will increase the activity and energy of quantum babies by 4% per nugget!

Side Salad

A classic salad that gives you a healthy boost! A small salad that goes with any of our fine salad dressings (see dips, dressings, and sauces). If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will increase energy and lower fatigue of the eater by a noticeable amount! Combo with your favorite dressing to specialize for your next activity!

Hand Mixed Sodas!

Our Hand Mixed Sodas are made with a carbonated base, and are customizable with shots of flavor, each with their own effects! Combine your favorites for a delightful, refreshing augmentation to your pregnancy experience!

Cherry

A summertime classic with all the Red No. 40 you know and love! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will darken the visible linea nigra line on the belly by 20% per shot of flavoring!

Mango

Tangy, tropical, and uniquely sweet! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will cause stretchmarks to spread of places other than the belly, traveling across the hips, thighs, and arms too! More shots means more coverage!

Grape

The classic artificial cough syrup variety you grew up with, now with a twist! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will increase blood flow to belly skin, giving it extra visible “blush”. Increases belly blush by 25% per shot.

Orange

Unique and refreshing, goes with most other tropical fruits! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will cause the belly to glow with a safe, heatless light from within! Starts with a soft glow and grows brighter with more shots, though will never go above that of a laval lamp. Use Pineapple, Peach, and Blue Raspberry shots to color the glow!

Pineapple

Includes that tingling sensation from the pineapple enzymes eating you back! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will tint any glow effects from the orange syrup a bright yellow color! 3 shots reaches full color saturation.

Peach

Ripe and juicy, tastes like it’s straight form Georgia! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will tint any glow effects from the orange syrup a vibrant red color! 3 shots reaches full color saturation.

Blue Raspberry

Why is it blue? Who cares? Still tastes great! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will tint any glow effects from the orange syrup a cool blue color! 3 shots reaches full color saturation.

Lemonade

Tart opener with a sweet finish, and pairs with pretty much every other option! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will increase belly skin sensitivity to touch by 20% per shot.

Dips, Dressings, and Sauces!

Caesar Salad Dressing

A mix of dijon mustard, lemon juice, and worcestershire sauce perfect for anyone craving a classic caesar salad! If drizzled over a McPreggo side salad and eaten, will increase nesting drive by 40% for the duration of the McPreggo pregnancy. The energy given by the salad will be put toward this nesting instinct.

Tangy Vinaigrette

An old favorite with a bite, this vinaigrette goes great on our side salad! If drizzled over a McPreggo side salad and eaten, will increase joint flexibility and ease of movement by a noticeable amount. Make your maternity yoga class a breeze with our lovely dressing!

Thousand Island Dressing

An american classic, thousand island is a great topper to our side salad. If drizzled over a McPreggo side salad and eaten, will increase sense of smell and taste substantially, making your craving foods taste even better!

Ranch Dressing

Classic thick, creamy ranch, good for nuggets and salads alike! When combined with any McPreggo food, will increase the visibility of veins on the belly by 60%!

Marinara Sauce

Take the routine out of your usual McPreggo order with out tomato-y marinara sauce! When eaten with our mozzarella sticks, will increase the duration of the pregnancy by a random amount, varying from 10-40%!

BBQ sauce

Tangy and a little sweet, our BBQ sauce can’t be beat! If pregnant with a McPreggo product and fully aware of this sauce’s effects before eating, will induce a slightly hazy, forgetful “pregnancy brain” sensation for the duration of the food pregnancy!

Fry sauce

A thick fry sauce for an even thicker patron! Enjoy this northwestern classic and round out a little! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will cause thighs and buttocks to grow visibly thicker, with increasing effects the more is eaten.

Ketchup

We don’t need to pitch ketchup to you. It’s ketchup. You know you like it. If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will shift the distribution of babies within the womb to make it visibly lopsided. Will never push babies into an unsafe or painful position for either party.

Desserts

Chocolate Chip Cookie

A classic treat with a cute twist! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will cycle through belly button types, with each cookie going to the next one in the cycle. Starts with an innie, then pops into an outie, then flattens out as though your navel was too stretched to even pop! If stretched, the next cookie reverts you back to an innie!

Ice Cream Sundae

Comes in hot fudge or carmel! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will lower the visibility of blemishes like stretchmarks or visible veins, resulting in a smoother, softer skinned tummy!

Ice Cream Sandwich

A classic straight from the ice cream truck! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will relieve back pain and contractions brought on by late-stage food-based pregnancy!

McBlendie

Cool, creamy soft serve blended with your choice of twix or reeses peanut butter cups! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will reset all other side and desert item effects. Will not hasten a McPreggo food pregnancy!

Milkshakes!

Cookies and Crème

A thick and creamy milkshake that’s loaded with blended chocolate cookie bits! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will increase milk production and potentially even breast size! (Small: +100% milk production, Medium: +175% milk production, Large: +250% milk production. Percentages are approximate, breast size increase will vary)

Apple Pie Delight

A whole slice of apple pie dumped right into our vanilla milkshake mix and blended until thick! It still counts as A La Mode, right? If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will increase sex drive in those who drink it and are fully aware of its effects before consuming. (Small: +75% libido, Medium: +125% libido, Large: +175% libido. Percentages are approximate and based on starting sex drive. Does not function without awareness)

Maternal Marionberry

Oregon marionberries, in a milkshake, served so thick you probably need a spoon. Need we say more? If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will widen and soften hips, and give you that pregnancy glow! (Small: +5% hip width, Medium: +7.5% hip width, Large: +10% hip width. Percentages are approximate)

Marshmallow Plush

A McPreggo specialty, a delightful blend of marshmallow cream with cool vanilla makes for a surprisingly heavy drink! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, soften the exterior of a pregnant belly, making you plush and plump! (Small: +15% belly fat, Medium: +25% belly fat, Large: +35% belly fat. Percentages are approximate)

At McPreggo, we strive to create a genuinely enjoyable dining experience, with a special twist! Our food has the unique, distinct, and trademarked ability to create a simulated pregnancy in anyone who eats it! Combine any number of pregnancy-inducing entrees with pregnancy affecting sides and desserts, and you can custom tailor your McPreggo experience to exactly your desires! Experience anything from a singleton to a septuplet pregnancy with our professionally prepared meals, and shape your belly and pregnancy experience however you wish. As a subsidiary of Quantum Yum LLC, we guarantee our food and quantem-multiversal pregnancies are safe, ethically sourced, and best of all, enjoyable!

Please note that pregnancies from our food will never result in labor and will revert after 6 hours. However, a pregnancy is still a pregnancy, so expect back pain, swelling, internal movement, and cravings, among other side effects, from our meals. We hope you enjoy your food and have a fun and safe time trying out pregnancy! Sincerely, the R&D team at Quantum Yum LLC.

#not bellies #long post #mcpreggo #the mcpreggo menu tag

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gyaru-wish · 4 months

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What I think Yandere Simulator Characters would have for breakfast.

Ayano: A toast and coffee.

Taro / Hanako: Scrambled egg with bread and coffee with milk.

Info-chan: Miraculously, a loaf.

Osana: Waffles and yogurt.

Raibaru: Fruit salad and milk.

Sakyu / Inkyu: Freshly baked bread with jam and cheese and cranberry or grape juice.

Kuu: Fried egg and tea.

Horuda: Sandwich.

Toga: It's hard to say. It's something different every day.

Hazu: A bagel and some fruit juice.

Kyuji: Just yogurt.

Otohiko: A muffin and latte.

Amai: Pancakes and Coffee with cream.

Shoku: Fried egg and orange juice.

Seiyo: Bacon, sausage with fried eggs and coffee with orange juice.

Saki: Strawberry crepe with chocolate and coffee with milk.

Kenko: Salad and water.

Ajia: Sashimi.

Kizana: Salad and coffee.

Tsuruzo: Omelet and orange juice.

Riku: Blueberry pie and apple juice.

Kokona: Sandwich and water.

Shozo: Bread with cheese and yogurt.

Tokuko: Toast and lemonade.

Oka: Bread with marmalade.

Shin: Air.

Chojo: Monster Energy.

Supana: Air.

Daku: Apple cinnamon pie and milk.

Kokuma: A bowl of random fruits she finds on her fridge with yogurt.

Geijuu: Air.

Borupen: He angrily smashes some grapes with his bare hand and eats that.

Enpitsu: A croissant and a latte.

Maka: Lucky charms but instead of milk, she uses Orange juice.

Efude: Miyuki cereal and some packed juice.

Miyuji: Scrambled eggs and milk.

Gita: Coffee.

Beshi: Kiwi with honey and water.

Dora: Cheese sandwich and strawberry juice.

Kiba: Sausages with bread and juice.

Budo: 7 boiled eggs and Gatorade.

Sho: The thing he ate on dinner yesrerday.

Juku: Chips.

Mina: Fish, rice, salad, eggs and water.

Shima: Corn Flakes.

Fureddo: Instant ramen.

Rojasu: Large sandwich.

Sukubi: 9 hamburgers.

Dafuni: Pancakes with fruits and coffee.

Beruma: Two toasts and coffee.

Kaga: Some weird ass meal he invented.

Horo: Coke.

Yaku: Miyuki themed cookies and soda.

Meka: Smashed potatoes.

Homu: Air.

Asu: Watermelon slices and Rockstar energy.

Itachi: Nutritionally balanced meal.

Hojiro: The same thing Itachi had for breakfast the day before.

Unagi: Protein shake.

Iruka: Scrambled eggs, an Apple and berry juice.

Mantaro: Two boiled eggs and protein shake.

Uekiya: Water.

Himari: Smashed apples.

Sakura: Egg whites and almond milk.

Sumire: Tea.

Tsubaki: Sandwich and grape juice.

Gema: Air, sometimes some anime themed snack.

Ryuto: Chocolate.

Pippi: Instant ramen.

Midori: Kaga's weird ass meal but make it green.

Mai: Whatever thing a cute anime girl eats.

Osoro: A banana. That's it.

Umeji: Three cupcakes and monster energy.

Hokuto: Gatorade.

Gaku: Two onigiri.

Hayanari: A ciggie.

Dairoku: Meat and smashed potatoes. He eats lunch on breakfast.

Megami: Whatever thing her father orders ti their chef.

Kuroko: Traditional food.

Akane: Cat shaped onigiri and hot chocolate.

Shiromi: ...

Aoi: Burger and milkshake.

Musume: Air.

Kashiko: French fries with Cheese.

Hana: Green drink.

Kokoro: Froot Loops and milk in a Hello Kitty mug.

Hoshiko: Air.

•✦•┈┈┈┈┈┈•✦• ❀ •✦•┈┈┈┈┈┈•✦•

I missed doing one of these posts 🥹

#yandere simulator #yan sim #yansim #yandere #anime #headcanon #im hungry

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ros3ybabe · 9 months

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Daily Check-in - July 27, 2023 🎀

Today was easier than yesterday, but I am still so sleepy and tired. I have to work a full shift tomorrow AND Saturday on top of my weekend chores so I'm hoping to take Sunday as a full self care day! Fingers crossed!!

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Breakfast - One slice of toast with mashed avocado, paprika, a fried egg, and a side of watermelon, and one cup of coffee.

Lunch - ground beef burrito bowl with black beans, shredded cheese, chopped iceberg lettuce, sour cream, salsa, and a low carb tortilla.

Dinner - One plate of spaghetti with meat marinara sauce, grated parmesean cheese, and two pieces of buttered bread

Other - One cup of coffee with French vanilla creamer

Water ~ 30oz I just forgot to drink water today, but using my water bottle has gotten easier and helped me drink more during the work day.

I didn't feel like snacking much today, and I couldn't finish my lunch, but I am very satisfied with my intake today! I love eating healthier and listening to my body. I do track what I eat, but I make sure it's food I like! Given my past, I can't do restrictions, so I choose to honor my wants in a way that works towards my goals and nourishes both my mind and body.

🩷 Workout - Upper Body Pilates (ish)

This one was really good! It was my first time trying it and it had my arms burning in a good way. I really enjoyed it, and I totally recommend. This is definitely going to be a regular of mine! 10/10

This one has been a favorite for a few years, I absolutely love the way it makes my arms feel. The movements are easy and effective, and leave me sore in a good way. Absolutely my favorite lean arms workout, hands down! 11/10

🩷 Habits I Completed Today:

Made my bed

Morning & Night Skincare

Morning & Night Guided Journal

Read 1 Chapter of a book

Workout

I forgot to do my mediation and stretching, and I didn't meet my hydration goal, but I'm taking every day in stride and doing what my energy allows me to accomplish. I believe in self compassion and flexibility in routine, especially given how my energy fluctuates on a daily basis. However, I am definitely doing the full habits list tomorrow, I'm going to challenge myself to accomplish every daily goal I have for myself!

🩷 Song of The Day: Eleven - IVE

This song makes me feel like a badass princess who deserves only the highest level of princess treatment. It's hard to describe how feminine and girly this song makes me feel, even on my most tomboyish, sweaty work days. An absolute bop!!

🩷 Current Read: Atomic Habits by James Clear

Tomorrow, I can do this. I can meet my goals, all of them. It'll take some effort, but I have faith in myself. Once I get the ball rolling, it's just a matter of forward motion with accomplishing each of my goals. I can't wait!!

I also need to budget for next Saturday, as I'm going shopping for some new clothes before my university opens back up for the fall semester. If I'm gonna feel my best, I'm going to look my best too! I'm really hoping to get a few new dresses, accessories (like hair stuff, pantyhose, jelwery, purses, etc), shoes, and maybe some tops and skirts too depending on what the store has. I love shopping, so I'm super excited!!!

Til tomorrow, my lovelies!! <3

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handspunyarns · 1 year

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You Were Marked: Day Four.

pairing: din djarin x fem!O/C

word count: 2.1K

summary: Din cannot stop laughing, Marathel ends up in a tree, and eggs are thrown with extreme prejudice

warnings: Mando'a and English cursing, violence to unborn ovoids

You Were Marked: Masterlist

<- You Were Marked: Previous Chapter

Din was still somewhere between dreaming and waking. He could only see soft, fading images in his mind: a gentle curve of a jawline, a slope of a pale-skinned shoulder. He heard a soft voice, quietly saying, “No . . . we can’t . . .” This denial made him furrow his brow even as he dozed, still gently supported in the herbal-scented clouds of sleep. Whyever not? He thought in his sleep. “No . . . don’t . . .” the soft voice pleaded again. No, don’t say ‘no’, he dreamed, but his dream was cut off like hitting a brick wall when he heard Marathel say, “Grogu! No, don’t!”, and Din felt the pounce of the little green goblin on his lower abdomen, not quite his area but close enough to make him grunt loudly with an “URGH,” and struggle to a sitting position with a babbling Grogu in his lap.

Marathel, outside the dark curtained cubicle, stammered, “I’m so sorry, Bounty Hunter! I told him not to wake you . . .”

“’s all right,” Din muttered as he pushed himself to a standing position, Grogu in the crook of his arm. “Time I was up. What the shab is so important, huh, buddy?” He stepped through his curtains and looked up to see Marathel standing primly in the center of the room, her hands clasped over her stomach. His first thought was that she was doing her best to look anywhere but at his face – well, helmet -- and his second thought was that she looked quite pretty today. Instead of her usual tunics and pants of dull tans, greens, and greys, she was wearing a gown of sunset yellow that fell into a swirl of fabric just above her ankles. Over this she wore a smock of deep charcoal grey, embroidered with yellow flowers around the neckline. Her silver hair was pulled back in a matching yellow scarf that was twisted around her shock of hair and tied off at the end.

Marathel looked dismayed that Din was awakened in such a startling manner. “I told Grogu that I needed his help this morning, but we couldn’t leave until you had awakened. I did not want you to find him missing. But . . . he is impatient.”

“Where are you going?”

“To collect eggs.”

“Eggs? Already?”

She looked at his helmet for the first time, confused. “What? Oh . . . no. Not Dahl eggs. It is not quite time for those. Chook eggs.” Din tilted his helmet at her in his quiet way that she already knew meant that he needed more information. “Chooks are, uh . . . fluttery, rather stupid ground birds. They lay lots of eggs that are good for eating. I thought it may be fun for him.” She gestured to the table, where a covered plate waited. “I made you some breakfast. Grogu has already eaten. We will just be past the vegetable garden, if it is acceptable to you?”

She had returned to her nervous formality of a couple days previous, Din noticed, as she dropped her head, and her hands began to go up her sleeves. Din stepped over and placed Grogu in her arms before her hands disappeared. “That is fine with me. That is within shouting distance, I think."

Marathel turned a light shade of a very becoming pink having Din so close to her. She nodded, and said, “We will not be long. You will have privacy, and I will shout as we get near.” She turned towards this kitchen, cooing to Grogu, “Yes, we can finally go now, little one.” The two stepped off the platform and disappeared around the rock ridge. Din waited a few more moments, and sure he was alone, removed his helmet and gloves. He lifted the cover off the plate: toasted slabs of bread with soft cheese and fruit, with some pan-fried meat. A fresh mug of her herbal tea. He had been eating better these past few days than he had the past few months – not that he was complaining – but food was not a high priority for him. He could get too used to this kind of treatment. And the bread. Osik, she made good bread. He shoved a slab into his mouth before he even sat down. What a good wife she would make, he thought idly, before he quashed that idea. He was not in the market for such an arrangement. He had all he could do to keep the child safe from the Imps, as well as keeping his Creed without entangling with a woman or any partner on a long-term basis. He had told Omera essentially that, and he hoped that she had found the person she needed.

And what – or whom – did Marathel need? He scoffed, and muttered, “She got what she needed last night,” under his breath with a smirk, and then silently chided himself for such an unkind thought. He finished eating, and then took the opportunity of being alone to clean himself up, washing his hair, cleaning the bite wound again with a fresh layer of salve – this brought a small grin to his face -- and changing out his thermals and flight suit for a fresh set he had brought with him from the ship. He was in the process of reattaching his cuisses when he heard a distant shriek. Certain that it came from the direction of where Marathel and Grogu had gone, Din leapt into action and was already running that way, strapping on his jetpack and two of his most favorite blasters as he went. He heard Marathel scream, “Bounty Hunter! Bounty Hunter!” making him panic. He was already thinking the worst: Grogu was hurt in some way, a chook had pecked him in the eye, a rabid Dahl was making off with the both of them – as Din tore past the vegetable garden and leapt over the fencing that enclosed the chooks, noticing that the chooks she spoke of were indeed some sort of chicken. Skidding to a halt in the middle of the enclosure, sending chooks fluttering and clucking in all directions, Din saw that Grogu was fine. Grogu, in fact, looked perfectly pleased with himself, sitting on the ground, the basket beside him, as he held an egg in each hand. He looked quizzically up at Din and then ate one of the eggs whole. But Marathel was nowhere to be seen. Din spun around, shouting, “Marathel? Marathel! Where are you?”

“I am . . . oof . . . up here!”

He followed the sound of her voice, looking about 10 meters up the large tree that shadowed the chook pen. There was a distinct rustle of branches and some leaves fell, as he finally saw her perched up in the tree, balanced on her belly on a branch, reaching down to the next branch with her swinging feet. “What . . . what are you doing up there?”

Marathel struggled a bit with a grunt, but finally made it down to the next branch. “He put me up here!” she yelled, pointing at Grogu.

Din was finding it impossible to hide his amusement. “Why?”

“Because you have taught him no manners!” She began to try to climb down to the next branch and was not succeeding at all. “Oof . . . I told him to stop eating all the eggs . . . I scolded him . . .” Marathel scraped her bare foot on sharp piece of bark. “Ow, ow, damnych! I scolded him, and the next thing I knew, I was up this tree!”

Din gaped at her, then looked down at Grogu, who grinned cheekily at him, and then back up at Marathel, who was glaring back at him in fury. The laughter burbled up from deep in his gut, from a place that had not been so tickled in such a long time, and he could not help it, he burst into peals of laughter that made his sides hurt. He held his sides, bent over, trying to get control of himself, but he looked back up at Marathel standing so haughtily in that tree, and then she stamped her foot, shouting, “It is NOT funny!” The sight of her stamping her foot set him off again, and tears were rolling down his face at how ridiculous she looked. She clumsily scrambled down to the next branch, and then yelled down to him, “Are you going to help me down or not?”

Din could barely catch his breath. “You . . . look like you’re doing just fine on your own!”

Marathel struggled down from branch to branch, cursing at Din in her old language and muttering. “Just as bad as Grogu, you are . . . just like a child! You aren’t doing that boy any favors . . . putting me up a tree . . .” and then her gown caught on a twig and tore a large rip in the back of the skirt, effectively shutting Din up instantly. Marathel gasped in horror, twisting to see the back of her dress, crying out “Oh, damnych and double damnych!” She was close to the bottom of the tree now, so she set herself hanging from the lowest branch she could by her hands. Din went to her, putting up his hands to catch her as she came down. Unfortunately, his hands were on her smock over her waist, and the smock slid up against her dress as she slid down, and his hands ended up bracketing her breasts and holding them high against her chest, accidentally -- mostly. Marathel gasped in outrage and shoved Din as hard as she could. “Why, you . . .” She stomped away from him, spitting over her shoulder, “Y mallawer perlys, on chydich mown dynion!”

Din chuckled quietly. “What does that mean?”

Marathel grabbed the basket. “It means, ‘there is much virtue in herbs, but little in men!’” You’re not wrong there, thought Din. She swept a chook out of the way with her foot, sending it fluttering away, Grogu giving chase. She grabbed two eggs out of a nest with too much force, smashing the shells. Disgusted, she threw the broken eggs on the ground, snapping, “Now look what you made me do!”

Din tilted his helmet. “Why are you so mad?”

“I am NOT mad!” This, of course, was a lie, and Marathel grabbed another egg, this time throwing it into her basket with enough force to annihilate both it and two more eggs in the basket. She grunted in rage and picked up some more eggs.

Din shifted his weight to one hip, crossing his arms over his cuirass. “You know, for someone who’s not mad, you’re sure making one hell of a mess out of those eggshells.”

Marathel glared at him, and chucked an egg right at his head, where it exploded on his visor. Din fell about laughing again, wiping the egg mess off his helmet. “Whoo! Look out, Empire, we have a Stormtrooper who can actually hit something!”

“Oh, shut up!” Marathel stomped off through the gate of the pen, slammed it shut behind her, and began marching down the lane back to her hut.

“Seriously, they could use someone like you!” Din shouted at her back. She whirled around, throwing another egg, which he tried to catch against his hip in his hands as it smashed into mush. “That’s what I’m talking about, lady!” he said, laughing even harder.

“RHAFF CODIEH!” Marathel screeched over her shoulder.

“And what does that mean?”

“It means PISS UP A ROPE!”

Marathel continued to march away so fast she was kicking up clouds of dirt at her ankles, her torn skirt swaying with each step, arms pumping at her sides. Din continued to laugh until he was certain she was out of earshot. He stood there, hands on hips, chuckling. “Ahhhh . . . Haar’chak.” He looked down at Grogu, who was covered in feathers and holding another egg, completely nonplussed by all the activity around him. Grogu looked back at Din, grinning. Then he ate the egg. With a sigh, Din picked up the little green morsel, brushing the feathers from his tiny robes. “I think we’re in trouble, kiddo.”

You Were Marked: Next Chapter

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piratefishmama · 13 days

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i am also joining the ranks of the egg anons- the best way to eat eggs imo is combining feta fried eggs and pesto fried eggs. put some feta in a pan, crumble it up nicely, let it melt a little and get slightly crispy. put some pesto on top (i like spicy tomato and paprika pesto), crack an egg and put a lid on so it cools faster. i usually do two at a time. toast a breakfast muffin sandwich thing for each egg, put some freshly ground pepper and salt (maybe some cayenne pepper). it’s so so good and i love it so so much. easily my favorite meal right now 🍳

I'm not a huge fan of feta cheese, but i'm thoroughly enjoying the rest of this eggy recipe! i love the pesto and feta combination, very creative.

🌟Eggcelent. 🌟

#pirateanswers #egg anons

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fattributes · 9 months

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What are your top 5 (if you have that many) favorite sandwiches? I feel like I have at least two but the rest change depending on my preferences on a day.

Hey lovely! I love sandwiches. They’re both easy and convenient, and there’s a whole world of combinations to try. What sandwiches currently sound good to you?

My favorite sandwiches, in no particular order, are:

Hummus on a Toasted Salt Bagel with a Fried Egg, Smoked Paprika, and Za’atar

Open-Faced Everything Bagel with Capers, Cream Cheese, and Smoked Salmon

Roasted Turkey with Cream Cheese and Cranberry Relish on White Bread

Teriyaki Turkey Burger with Grilled Pineapple, Provolone, and Smashed Avocado on Brioche

Tuna Melt with Cheddar Cheese on Multi-Grain Bread

Honorable mentions and sandwiches that aren’t really sandwiches:

Cream Cheese and Strawberry Jam on Toasted White Bread

Jambon Beurre (French Ham and Butter on a Baguette)

Lengua (cow’s tongue) with Mayonnaise on White Bread

Smooth Peanut Butter and Honey on White Bread

Toasted English Muffin with Scrambled Eggs and Cheddar Cheese

#ask #thank you for the ask #sandwich #I’m gluten intolerant and there are a limited number of bread products that are safe for me to eat #but I’ve found a few brands that I like #text #food

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trivialbob · 7 months

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This morning Sheila had her colonoscopy. (I can't type that word without spellcheck! Are there five O's or six?)

We went to St. Paul for the procedure. I brought my laptop and waited at a coffee shop until she was done.

Afterwards Sheila was ravenous after not eating for 30 hours. We had already planned to stop for food on the way home. Oddly, she didn't want pizza. ("I read your blog, Bob.")

Since she was a little crabby coming out of anesthesia (thank you again, spellcheck) I let her choose a place.

And it was an excellent selection. The Gopher Bar, on East 7th Street, is a cool dive. Every time we've been here the employees have been really nice, even the bartender who was openly carrying. If you have a permit you too can carry in here.

But don't get the idea this is some lawless, Old West establishment. There are rules that must be followed.

Sheila likes Coney dogs and dive bars, which is why she chose this place. I ordered the Coney burger, which is a cheeseburger with chili under the cheese slice. I definitely recommend it if you go to the Gopher Bar. The sign a above the cooler wasn't hyperbole.

The hot dog and hamburger buns were perfectly toasted. "Wit cheese" the dog was just $4.50. My burger, including a healthy (heh heh) helping of fries was a mere $9, according to a price adjustment on the menu. For those unsure how to obtain food here the menu includes an easy-to-follow, three-step guide.

We also split a Philly egg roll, to see what it was like. Good, but not as tasty as that Coney dog or Coney burger. All that food, and two Cokes, came to $22 exactly. Cash only, no cards.

Because we'd behaved so well at the bar the bartender gave us stickers!

It was a really enjoyable lunch. Heck, Sheila can get colonoscopies more often if it means we go back to the Gopher Bar again.

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greatbigbellies · 2 years

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The McPreggo Menu (9/20/22 update)

#1 The McPreggo Burger

The original filler-upper! Carry a singleton in minutes with this mouth watering single quarter pound patty cheeseburger, with tomatoes, lettuce, diced onion, pickles, and your choice of sauces!

#2 The Twinner

Twice as filling, twice as heavy, go full term with twins with TWO quarter pound patties, with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, diced onion, pickles, and your choice of sauces!

#3 The Triple Stack

#4 The Breaded Babymaker

A mouth watering crispy chicken sandwich topped with lettuce and mayo, on a sesame seed bun! 50/50 odds for a singleton or twins!

#5 The Labor-Inducer

#6 The Twinner Chicken Dinner

#7 The Fish Filet Sandwich

A tasty fish filet with light breading, with cheese and tartar sauce! Induces a singleton pregnancy with safe-but-noticeable polyhydramnios, giving extra amniotic fluid!

#8 The Quad Pod

Breakfast (ALL DAY!)

Hash Brown

Crispy outside, soft potato-y inside. Warm morning goodness! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will make a belly drop as if full term and close to birth!

Ready-To-Pop Tarts

Sausage Egg Muffin

Bacon Egg Griddle

The Baby Burrito

Sides

Fries

Tater Tots

Onion Rings

Mozzarella Sticks

Breaded and deep fried sticks of mozzarella cheese! Warm and soft, with a great cheese pull! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will extend the effects of an active food-based pregnancy by 30 minutes per stick eaten! Comes in a 4 piece, 6 piece, or 8 piece!

Fried Pickle Chips

Chicken Nuggets

Spicy Chicken Nuggets

Side Salad

Dips, Dressings, and Sauces!

Caesar Salad Dressing

Tangy Vinaigrette

Thousand Island Dressing

Ranch Dressing

Classic thick, creamy ranch, good for nuggets and salads alike! When combined with any McPreggo food, will increase the visibility of veins on the belly by 60%!

Marinara Sauce

BBQ sauce

Fry sauce

Ketchup

Desserts

Ice Cream Sundae

Comes in hot fudge or carmel! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will lower the visibility of blemishes like stretchmarks or visible veins, resulting in a smoother, softer skinned tummy!

Ice Cream Sandwich

A classic straight from the ice cream truck! If pregnant with a McPreggo product, will relieve back pain and contractions brought on by late-stage food-based pregnancy!

McBlendie

Milkshakes!

Cookies and Crème

Apple Pie Delight

Maternal Marionberry

Marshmallow Plush

#mcpreggo #the mcpreggo menu tag #not bellies #long post

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blackswaneuroparedux · 1 year

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In the name of Bacon will you chicken me up that egg. Shall I swallow cave-phantoms?

- Samuel Beckett, Collected Poems in English and French

I went to a restaurant once that said it served "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. My waiter got the joke.

What isn’t a joke is the traditional English breakfast as a national institution. Most of us love a full English breakfast; you can even travel abroad, to the Mediterranean resorts in Spain for example, and find this quintessentially British dish on sale in cafes and restaurants.

Sometimes also called a ‘fry-up’, the full English breakfast consists of fried eggs, sausages, back bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms, fried bread and often a slice of white or black pudding (similar to bloodwurst). It is accompanied by tea or coffee and hot, buttered toast. These days, breakfast may also include other items such as baked beans and hash browns.

There are many regional versions of this staple. For example, the Ulster Fry includes Irish soda bread; the Scottish breakfast boasts a tattie scone (potato scone) and even maybe a slice of haggis; the Welsh breakfast features laverbread (barra lawr, made from seaweed); and the Cornish breakfast often comes with Cornish hogs pudding (a kind of sausage).

The tradition of breakfast dates back to the Middle Ages. At this time, there were usually only two meals a day; breakfast and dinner. Breakfast was served mid or late morning, and usually consisted of just ale and bread, with perhaps some cheese, cold meat or dripping.

A lavish breakfast was often served by the nobility or gentry at social or ceremonial occasions such as weddings. A wedding mass had to take place before noon, so all weddings took place in the mornings. The first meal the new bride and groom ate together would therefore be breakfast and became known as the ‘wedding breakfast’.

By Georgian and Victorian times, breakfast had become an important part of a shooting party, weekend house party or hunt and was served a little earlier. The gentry loved to entertain lavishly and that included breakfast.

Breakfasts were unhurried, leisurely affairs with plenty of silver and glassware on show to impress the host’s guests. The breakfast table would groan under the weight of the produce from the host’s estate. Newspapers were available for the family and guests to catch up on the day’s news. Indeed, it is still socially acceptable today to read newspapers at the breakfast table (a definite ‘no-no’ at any other meal).

As well as eggs and bacon, which was first cured in the early 18th century, the breakfast feast might also include offal such as kidneys, cold meats such as tongue and fish dishes such as kippers and kedgeree, a lightly spiced dish from colonial India of rice, smoked fish and boiled eggs.

The Victorian era saw a wealthy middle class begin to emerge in British society who wished to copy the customs of the gentry, including the tradition of the full English breakfast. As the middle classes went out to work, breakfast began to be served earlier, typically before 9am.

Surprisingly, the full English breakfast was also enjoyed by many of the working classes. The punishing physical labour and long hours of work in the factories of the Industrial Revolution meant a hearty meal first thing in the morning was necessary. Even as late as the 1950s, almost half the adult population began their day with a good old English fry-up.

#beckett #samuel beckett #poem #poetry #english breakfast #eggs #bacon #beans #sausage #toast #heart attack #breakfast of champions #culture #society

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