#watched Bewitched and am always so comforted by that movie :-) and have been listening to music all afternoon and am the perfect level of | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

urijihoons-blog · 3 years

Text

MHA Headcanons!!

Because I started and finished this show during my winter break in 4 days and was/am obsessed with it, here are some of my favorites, my dating headcanons for them, and what I think their love languages would be :))))

Includes: tamaki, bakugo, izuku, and todoroki

Tamaki:

-when he knows you’re completely asleep in his arms, like you’re snoring or breathing very deeply, he sings to you softly

-I just have this feeling he has an incredible voice🥲

-this man is a words of affirmation fiend, dude

-in the best way possible!!!!

-please talk to him so he feels worth your time

-will try his hardest to keep eye contact with you, but only when no one else is around

-it’s because 1) he thinks you’re absolutely gorgeous

-rightfully so

-and 2) he thinks it’s important that you know he’s giving you all of his attention

-I think he gives love through quality time and maybe(🥰!!!!!!🥰) (when you’re alone of course) physical touch

-probably like 4-6 months into the relationship

-in peace 🙌🏻in peace🙌🏻 may you rest ☠️may you rest ☠️

-if he’s too nervous to bring up a topic around you, or just in general, he’ll play with your hands for comfort

-or twists a strand of your hair🤧

-has a sweet voicemail you left still in his phone that he listens to when he needs to calm down🥺

-he thinks your name is beautiful, and he gets too flustered to call you pet names, so he’ll try to compliment you to make up for the lack of that

-he’d say something like ‘you’re so captivating’ or ‘I cherish you’

-will immediately put his face in a wall because he made you blush

Bakugo:

-I have a sneaking suspicion that when he’s only around you he’s more calm and collected and a little more forth coming with affection, like I imagine his mom is with his dad🤭

-Like of course he is our sparky boom boy, angry at the world and cussing up a storm, but behind closed doors he’s a little more considerate with his words and not AS abrasive

-I put ‘as’ in there because we all know he is still very ‘sparky boom boom kerchow’ y’know??

-I also do not think this man would hold hands, I just don’t (at least not for a WHILE)

-you have to CONVINCE THIS MAN HE ISNT GOING TO HURT YOU ✊🏻😤

-sure he has his quirk pretty under control, but I feel as though he would be so terrified to accidentally hurt you that he wouldn’t want you to hold his hands

-please convince him that he’s not going to hurt you🥲💗

-I feel as though he would offer you his arm, like a gentleman, and that’s how you’d walk and be together

-this also forces you to lean in closer to him, which means he has a better view of your face and can smell your perfume/conditioner😉

-I’m thinking he receives love with words of affirmation&physical touch but gives love with acts of service!!!!!

-I also feel like once you’ve firmly established that you’re not fragile he would give love through physical touch, but it’d only be in private bc he a tsundere 🙂

-he doesn’t compliment you often, because our mans is PRIDEFUL, but calls you pet names like ‘angel’ and ‘doll’

Izuku:

-he likes that when you’re cuddling, you trace his scars on his arms🤧

-At first he was very skittish and afraid you’d think they were too much and gross, but you found them to be very powerful and meaningful🥲

-Of course he cries when you tell him this too duh lol

-he loves to trace the outline of your facial features with the soft, lingering touch of his finger✨✨✨

-I have a feeling he’s so sweet he’d give you cavities

-this man BRAGS about you to everyone he meets

-literally talks about you nonstop because he just loves you

-tells his mom about you 🥰💗✨

-always has to lightly touch you in public, but no serious pda

-low key possessive tho

-someone comes near you and wants to take up a chunk of your time, and this man will stare and creepily smile until that person leaves

-he just looks like this 👁〰️👁

- I truly believe he gives and receives love with all of the love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and gift giving

-but his most prominent ones are acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch

-he doesn’t give you typical compliments

-cause he’s quirky

-he says things like ‘you are so masterful’ or ‘your beauty is so articulate’

-but the pet names he has for you are something classic like ‘baby’ or ‘sweetheart’ or maybe even ‘buttercup’

-he a soft boi🥰

Todoroki:

-I been waiting for this one, TURN IT UP

-I feel like because he’s so quiet, and probably touch starved due to his childhood, he is just a physical touch and quality time person🥺

-of course after he’s comfortable with you

-for how he gives love, I’m getting acts of service and gift giving vibes

-daddy Endeavor’s got that 💲MONEY💲

-when he makes food for himself, he makes you food. When he goes to bed, he makes sure you’re also getting sleep. Checks on you, mentally and physically

-is basically the mom friend

-I feel as though you both stay up really late on weekends and just talk in depth about your feelings while you cuddle

-you both have learned to be very good at communication because of how blunt he is and he genuinely wants to know everything that makes you you

-you catch him staring all the time🥲

-he does this thing, when he knows you’re feeling down or when he “realizes”/more like feels he hasn’t checked up on you or let you know how much he loves you enough

-he’ll turn his room into, like, a giant pillow fort for you two, and he’ll put up a white sheet on the wall and use a projector to watch movies or binge shows

-of course, snacks included 🤗

-this mans thinks you’re ‘bewitching’ and ‘enthralling’ and that your beauty is ‘unparalleled’

-his pet names would include some older classics like ‘love’ and ‘darling’ but also something like ‘cherry blossom’

-I just KNOW this man has an extensive vocabulary 😎

///

I hope you all enjoyed this!! If you want, I can make a part 2, or you can send me some requests/suggestions that I’ll look into!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

108 notes · View notes

wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Three)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Two ※※※※※ Chapter Four

My mother spent the night with me and early in the morning I managed to convince her to go home and sort out her own things. Stephen was supposed to arrive at 8 am and I didn't want her here when that happened, she wouldn't like to see him at all.

“If there's anything I'll call, you can go, really.” I assure her, who goes reluctantly.

The clock struck five to eight and I was for the thousandth time running my hands through my hospital gown and my hair. My hands were sweating and my stomach was churning, I stared at the door as if I wanted to open it with the power of my mind, until it opened.

It was shocking to see him so different from what I remembered. His hair was shaved and bleached, almost white. Now he had a colorless rose on his neck that took up half of his left side and a piercing in his septum. He was a different person, just like me, it really had been years.

“Only Marnie McGonagall manages to remain exuberant even all run down.” he cracks a wide smile to break the tension. “These are for you!” he hands me a bouquet of daisies. They're not my favorite, but I thank him.

“Thank you, they are beautiful. Thank you for coming.” I try to control my breathing. It's all so strange.

“I was surprised by the call, I swore that after you left you would never speak to me again.” he throws himself on the chair beside the bed.

“So our breakup was real?”

“Yes, but not the way you were told, you met this famous guy and fell for him. We had already broken up when I started going out with Bethany.” he talks as if he is talking about the weather. The mention of him and Bethany together makes me nauseous, maybe it was jealousy.

“My mother talked about cheating, that I caught you guys.” I introduce the subject calmly, I know how much Stephen hates to be accused of anything. He rolls his eyes like he' s saying ‘I knew it.’.

“It impresses me that you buy that, Lizzie. You know how much your parents hate me. You broke up with me, that's true, but because you met this guy. He bewitched you, and it wasn't easy to get over you.”

I take a deep breath trying to control myself. It was too much information, too much information. I had broken up with Stephen for Luke, this didn't make any sense. I loved Stephen, I still do. Maybe this memory loss was a chance for us to get back to the way things were before.

“Did you and Bethany...?”

“No! It didn't work out, then she moved to Canada with her family, it wasn't going to work out, and deep down…” he comes closer, sitting on the bed and holding my hand. “I still love you.”

I open my mouth, but can't say anything, the statement takes me in total surprise. Stephen seizes the moment and kisses me. Nostalgia overwhelms me and all the moments we have lived through take over my mind, but deep, deep down, something screams in my head, it wasn't right, it didn't feel right. It wasn't him.

I lower my head breaking the kiss, feeling more lost than before. Stephen holds himself in place, but my urge is to push him away. Something bubbles up inside me and it is not happiness or passion.

“I think it's time for you to go.” I let out a harsher tone than I expected. I still don't face his eyes, maybe out of fear, maybe because I can't bear to look at him.

“You call me here and send me away like this?” he asks incredulously and offended. “You are unbelievable, Marnie. I don't know why I still waste my time with you. Your memory may have faded, but deep down you are still under his spell.” at that moment I abruptly turn my face to meet his. I know that my eyes are burning with anger, and so are his.

“I said, it's time for you to go.” I say in a broken voice, listening to my heartbeat rise.

Stephen stares for a few seconds before he gets up, picks up the daisies, and slams the door. I sink into bed, trying to calm myself. It really wasn't one of my better ideas to call Stephen here, but maybe it was necessary.

I turn on the TV and flip through the channels until I notice a picture of me. I go back to the channel and turn up the volume. They are talking about my accident and without me being able to prepare myself, they play the video of how it all happened.

I hold my breath as the pickup truck crashes into my side, causing my car to spin on the road and crash into the pole. They play it one more time, but in slow motion. The tip of my nose tingles and my eyes start to fill up.

Still watching the TV, my mind brings back the moment of the accident.

"I crank up the starter and before I can send the audio, I feel a loud impact on my left side. A deafening noise fills the entire car. Quite faintly, I watch the track spin and feel the shards of glass hit me, before I give myself over to that uncontrollable sleep."

The video changes and they show my attending, I cover my mouth, watching my unconscious body being pulled from the car.

My stomach clenches and I feel like vomiting from the nervousness. I turn off the TV and grab my cell phone, going back to researching my life in an attempt to distract myself.

Unlike yesterday, I Google my name and see what headlines pop up about me. Some sites give a brief summary of my trajectory, which helps me a little.

I watch some videos of rehearsals, interviews, fashion shows, even those videos of paparazzi leaving restaurants, with him. I look again at Instagram calmly, photo by photo, video by video, even the stories archives. There are several parties, trips, slumber nights, bts from photo rehearsals, and a lot of stuff with him, again. Of course, he is your boyfriend. Asshole!

I barely recognize myself on the screen. The Marnie I watch is outgoing, funny and charismatic, and I was never like that, at least as far back as I can remember. Which leads me to believe that this Marnie, model, famous and full of important friends, is a character.

Leah, Noah, Calum, Ashton, Mike and Kyleen. They don't just seem like friends, they seem like my family, brothers, I don't know. While it is fun to watch some of these videos, of all of us fooling around and messing up, on the other hand it hurts not to have any memories of them.

“How is my little girl doing?” I snap out of my trance and run my eyes to the door. I feel my eyes water as I recognize the middle-aged man.

“Dad!” I hadn't realized the urge to cry until I saw him. Until I felt his embrace.

“ It's okay, my love. I'm here. It's going to be all right, I swear!” he comforts me while I soak his shirt.

“ I'm sorry.” I pull away, trying to control my tears.

“For what?” he looks at me curiously. I shrug, not knowing what to say. Lately I feel I have to apologize for everything. “Honey, none of this is your fault. This amnesia is just a sequel, in a little while it will go away and you will remember everything.”

“I hope so. Even because everything I've forgotten has been very hard to remember.” I comment, playing with the bar of the blanket.

“ It's been a busy three years. You went from just my little girl, to one of the top models of 2019. That's quite a breakthrough.” he laughs, which makes me crack a smile. Only my dad could make me find that funny.

“Apparently I'm dating a rock star.” I join in with him.

“A very nice guy, I must say. He gave me a Gibson guitar.” he widens his eyes, emphasizing how awesome that was.

“Dad, you play guitar?” that would be nothing compared to what I couldn't remember.

“No, but it is amazing to have it on the wall.” for the first time since this whole nightmare, I allow myself to laugh.

My father spent the rest of the morning with me. He told me about his new job and how he was traveling the world now, helping his boss. I don't know how my mother was dealing with all this, she hated to be away from him.

“Mom must not like this new job of yours at all, huh?” I ask, scraping my red Jell-O.

I glare at my father when I notice his silence. We were sharing the bed space, he also had a Jell-O and we looked like two little girls gossiping while stuffing themselves with ice cream. I find his silence strange and wonder if something is wrong.

“Dad?” I call him once more.

“I was trying to find the best way to tell you this.” he sits up straight.

“What? Did you and Mom have a fight?” that was normal, not that big a deal.

“No! Actually, a little more than two years ago, your mother and I talked and we thought it was better to go our separate ways... with different people.” he speaks very slowly, calmly, and a little fearfully. I blink a few times, taking in the words and what they meant together. They got divorced?

I sit up like him, feeling uneasy. I start to breathe deeply. My relationship went down the drain. My parents broke up. Bethany disappeared across Canada. Nothing, absolutely nothing, that I had before had survived.

“Honey?” he brings me back to reality.

“Why? What? What happened?’ I ask. He opens his mouth a few times, saying nothing, trying to find what to say.

“Things were not going very well anymore. We were arguing too much and not even looking at each other anymore.” he takes a deep breath, visibly uncomfortable. “And I had an affair with a woman from my old job, that was the end of it.” he says so low, I can hardly hear, and honestly, it was better not to listen.

I always grew up thinking that my father was the best man in the world. My superhero. Prince Charming from all the Disney movies. The kind of man I would like to meet in my life. And then I find out that my father was none of these things. He is just like all the others.

“How could you?” disgust overflows in my mouth. “You have a family.” again something bubbles up inside me.

“I have no excuse, no justification, I was wrong and I regret the way things turned out. It didn't have to be this way. Okay, today your mother and I are friends and we go our separate ways, but there was no need for all that suffering to happen.” he stares again at the jelly, ashamed.

Silence fills the room. Nobody knows what to say. I don't recognize the man next to me. I don't even know what is going on in my head at the moment, there are so many thoughts and assumptions that I feel like I'm going crazy.

“Have you found someone yet? I mean, are you still with that woman from your old job?” I ask softly, poking the skin on my finger.

“No, she was just a fling. It didn't work out. Your mother was seeing someone until last month, but apparently it didn't work out.” he shrugs, which shocks me a little. I know it's so natural for them, but I'm still absorbing it here. “I met someone, Meredith. We've been together for a year now.” he gives me a beautiful, passionate smile. “Let me show you some pictures.” He gets as excited as a teenager. “Unless you don't want to.” he looks at me fearfully.

“I want to.” I crack a tight smile.

My father is back to being the excited teenager as he shows me the pictures of Meredith and her children. Children?

“They're yours?” I ask slightly jealous.

“No, Kendall and Samantha are from her first marriage, they are twins.” he smiles. “But I love them as if they were my own, the same way I love you.” he gives me a kiss on the side of my head.

He passes me another picture and my heart races as soon as I see them both, he on my lap and she on Luke's lap. I hold up the cell phone and stare at the picture with an ache in my chest.

“This was at my wedding, you both looked beautiful.” my father comments softly. I bite my lip, trying to control my crying and smiling at the same time. We really did look beautiful.

“I always wanted to have brothers, remember?” I ask with my voice shaking. I pass another picture and now my father and Meredith are posing with the four of us.

“They think you are the best big sister in the world.” I grimace, letting the tears come over me. They are not from sadness. Honestly, I don't even know what they are from, but the feeling is good.

Around lunchtime my father left, as he was exhausted, he had come straight here from the airport after a 12 hour flight. I was alone for the rest of the afternoon reading, until my mother arrived at 4pm to pick me up.

When we left the room, I noticed that Luke didn't come, which I find strange, since I remember my mother had commented that he was coming with her.

“He had an upcoming incident with the band, but he should be at your apartment later.”

The fact that I have to wait longer to talk to him makes me nervous and anxious. I just wish he would show up soon so he could help me with everything and clear up the sea of curiosity.

Along the way, I am talking to my mother about her and my father. I was so distracted by the conversation that I didn't even notice when we arrived in front of a beautiful building.

“Are you sure we are at the right address?” I ask looking out the window. My mother laughs and gets out of the car. I live here?

When we get to my floor, I realize that there is only one apartment per floor. We must be at the wrong address. My jaw drops as I enter the hall of the apartment.

Right away I find a huge painting of myself on the wall to my left. I was wearing that strange make-up and an even stranger outfit. The tone is black and white, but I am sure that the color picture is very colorful.

“This was the picture of your first magazine cover.” my mother clarifies with a huge smile on her face. I stare at my picture again, still frowning.

I follow my mother into the living room, once again letting my jaw drop. I had a living room right at the entrance, to my right was the living room with a huge TV, and to my left was the dining room. Slowly, I walk through the space, looking at everything breathlessly.

“Is this my apartment?” I ask in surprise. My mother lets out a short laugh before confirming. “I bought it?” she nods. “With my money?” she nods again. “As a model?” she laughs. “Okay! This is still too much for me.”

I walk curiously around the apartment again, looking at the kitchen, living rooms and, of course, the bedrooms. Two guest rooms and mine. When I reach the second floor, I am confronted with a hallway full of pictures. They range from personal photos to work photos. I pay more attention to the pictures of me and Luke. We are a beautiful couple.

I go into my room and find everything arranged. I let the excitement take over me when I see the closet. I look at the clothes, amazed, besides several boxes of brands like Gucci, Prada and Chanel still unopened.

On the last shelf, I see an older looking box, the slightly faded color catches my eye. I pull out a small ladder and carefully pull the box onto my lap, it wasn't heavy, but doing this with a broken arm and a twisted leg is not easy.

I sit down on the closet floor itself and open the box, wishing I hadn't seen it and maybe never opened it. I gently run my hand over those little souvenirs with tears in my eyes once again. I need to stop crying.

Movie and concert tickets, dried flowers, empty peanut cans, cards, cabin photos, and beer caps, everything I lived through with Luke. The feeling that takes over me is almost suffocating. My body feels and radiates all that it represented, but my mind would not let the image load.

Underneath it all, I pull out a diary and, at the same time that curiosity eats away at me, fear also takes over. I close my eyes and open to a random page.

"I can't believe I modeled at NYFW. OMG! OMG! OMG! It's unbelievable. I'm going to need to watch the runway show about a thousand times before I can believe it."

I flip back a few sheets and stop when I see Luke's name.

"I know it's not a good sign that I'm thinking about him and being so close to him, but I can't help it. Luke is amazing. The way he looks at me, how he listens to me, how he understands me, and his kiss...I can't forget his kiss..."

“Sweetheart?” I hear my mother scream. I wipe away the tears and put the little box under the skirt of some dresses. I get up as fast as I can and walk to the bedroom door.

“Yes?”

“I thought I'd help you in the shower, what do you think? Get rid of that hospital smell.” I accept the idea, which sounds very good.

After a good shower, I put on some pajamas and get to know my room, opening all the drawers, looking at all the makeup, everything. I decide not to go through that box anymore, because I still don't know how to manage everything it represents.

Once again my mother calls me and I believe it's for dinner, but when I get to the living room I find a brunette girl and a guy with red hair.

“Hi?” I nod gracelessly.

“Hi!” they return the greeting a little nervous too.

I ‘know’ who they are. Ashton and Leah. They are in several pictures in my social networks, in my hallway and on the living room furniture.

I watch the brunette with long hair, crack a huge smile. I watch her fingers tightening, like a child trying to control herself. I smile fearfully, but it was enough for her to apologize before squeezing me in a hug.

“I know you don't remember me, but I am your best friend and I am so glad that you are okay.” I look at my mother, who is smiling, and at Ashton, with my eyes wide and patting her on the back.

“Leah, you don't have to suffocate her.” Ashton comments without manner, scratching his forehead.

She walks away gracelessly. I give her a smile, but thank her for the space. Ashton approaches a little fearfully and holds out his hand, respecting my space, but it is apparent that he also wants to give me a hug.

“You can hug me, I don't bite.” I joke, trying to break the tension.

He says nothing more and surrounds me with his arms. Unlike Leah, I manage to return the hug in the right way. His hug takes longer and I feel some tears on my shoulder.

“I thought we were going to lose you.” he squeezes me one more time, before pulling away, drying his tears clumsily.

“You won't get rid of me that easily.” I blink at them both.

“Well, the reason we came here was not just to see you. Of course we were worried to death and everyone wanted to come.” Leah begins.

“But we thought it better not to come all at once so as not to frighten you.” Ashton interrupts quickly. I thank him silently.

“Deep down, we wanted to bring you this.” she hands me a pen drive. “It's not perfect, but we made a powerpoint to explain everything that happened in these three years.” Leah gives a closed smile.

‘You made a power point?” I ask incredulously.

“Of course we did!” Ashton shakes his shoulders. “We hope it helps and that you remember something. Anything at all, any questions, just call.”

“Thank you very much!” I smile in appreciation for both of them.

“Don't you want to stay for dinner?” my mother offers. I look at them expectantly. They both look at each other and give a shrug.

“We don't have an appointment, right? It won't be a problem. The guys will just be really pissed off that they didn't come.” Leah warns Ashton.

“It will be a pleasure to have dinner.” Ashton smiles in appreciation.

Dinner was very quiet, I did most of the talking. They were very curious to know what amnesia was like and how I was feeling and dealing with everything.

“Depending on how things go for you this week, we thought we would have a dinner on Friday. Then if you feel comfortable, of course, you can see everyone again.” Ash suggests.

There is still time until Friday, but just the thought of seeing everyone makes my stomach turn. I know they are my friends and they know me, but I still get nervous. Not to mention that they are famous, I don't know how to deal with these people. Although I am too.

“That's fine, we'll confirm by Friday.” I open a nervous smile. “Huh, Luke didn't want to come?” I question, upset at his absence today.

How am I supposed to get to know and get close to him if he doesn't come?

I watch the two of them look at each other and wrap up the beginning of their answer. In the end, Ashton sighs and answers.

“He is having a hard time absorbing all this. He just needs some time to sort it all out in his head.” Ash shrugs, signaling that it was no big deal.

I understand that it is hard for him. I don't know how I would handle it if I were him, but I'm not going to pretend to be upset that he's not here either, although I can't do anything about it, I'm not going to force him to stay here if he doesn't want to.

“It's really weird having Luke as my boyfriend, you guys as best friends. It's so out of reality. It feels like I'm in a dream and soon I'll wake up.” I comment, playing with the cloth napkin.

“Look, the first time you handled and accepted all of this well. I'm sure you'll manage again.” Leah squeezes my hand on the table.

“So, a powerpoint, hm?” I change the subject not being able to prolong my curiosity any longer. Even though I'm scared, I want to see it.

Leah cheers up again and begins to explain everything very excitedly. With their help we go to the living room and I put the pen drive on the TV, ready to see what they have done. It is strange to think that this small object has all the answers I am looking for. Not to mention the fear of the unknown, in this case, the forgotten one.

“Ok, so this is Michael…” I watch her standing beside the screen, explaining everything to me, with extreme patience and good will. My god, she is an angel.

I look at all my friends and the things we have done. I notice how Ashton was a kind of older brother, overprotective, and Leah was a kind of sister. Always holding hands or holding arms. Or when we were drunk, trying to climb on each other's backs.

They put all the trips we took, my fashion shows and photo shoots, some interviews. It was a great summary. I stare at the screen feeling something strange welling up in me, I see flashes forming in my head, and I begin to force myself to remember.

“Don't skip.” I shout to her, not wanting to lose the flow of memory. “Play that video again.” I ask desperately.

I approach the TV watching Noah, Leah's brother, walking in front of the camera with a bag on his head and complaining that the product was burning. He was bleaching his hair.

" “Why does this shit burn so bad?” I hear Noah shouting from the room, pissed off.

“Because it's bleaching.” I answer, grabbing another cookie from the plate. I sit down on the couch next to Calum, who is very interested in the package of bleach.

“What do you think about me bleaching mine?” he asks, still focused on the package in his hand.

I stare at him for a few minutes, trying to imagine the look. I pout, signaling that it wouldn't look too bad, in my opinion.

“For God's sake, you're not going to do that ridiculous lock of hair again, are you?” Leah shouts from the bathroom.

“It wasn't ridiculous.” He defends himself loudly. “But I really wouldn't do it again.” he comments softly, making me laugh.

“OH MY GOD.” I hear Noah scream. We run into the bathroom to find his white hair, with a few colored dots, just like the ones in the bag.

I cover my mouth in shock. Leah starts to record trying to hold in her laughter, as do I, but we simply can't stand it when Calum reads the name of the pharmacy in Noah's head.

I see him leaning against the doorframe laughing with his hand on his stomach and eyes closed. Miserably, I still try to hold in my laughter, not lasting long and joining Calum, becoming almost breathless.

“Oh man.” he dries his tears, laughing again next."

“Noah didn't want to go out anymore that night. We ordered burritos and stayed at his place. Calum and I spent the whole night laughing about it.” I speak too fast, running over a few words. I replay the scene in my head a few more times still flustered.

They both look at me and Leah starts jumping up and down in celebration. I remembered, I remembered! I start yelling at her, celebrating.

“What's wrong?” my mother comes running from the bedroom.

“I remembered. I remembered Noah with bad hair!” I shout, out of breath. The three of them hug me and again we shout.

19 notes · View notes

letfatewritethewords · 3 years

Text

I process things with art. I process with written words in the hopes that one day it can be spoken without my voice shaking. This week has been one for the books.. and I decided to share. This is long, but I want to remember what I’m learning.. how I’m processing.. if you decide to read, thank you. If not, this will still be here as a reminder of my progress every year.

I always tell people that there was no reason for my name, but it’s a lie. I’m named after Samantha on BeWitched. My grandfather loved that show and suggested it when my mother couldn’t decide. I was born in early September and that makes me a Virgo. Astrology is one of my favorite things. There’s something extraordinary about the idea that we’re connected to the universe by the positioning of the stars. Sometimes it’s so vague.. but other times, it’s right on the nose and my horoscopes will make me cry. Speaking of that, I’m an empath and a 2. When I’m unhealthy, I’m a 4 and If you know what any of that means, I’d love to talk to you more about it. Winter is my favorite season. Fall is a close second. I love the snow and how muted everything is. I like the quiet, the beauty. Sometimes, the light from the sun will shimmer off a fresh coat of snow on the ground. It is absolutely blinding, but I’d still stare, and when the snow fell at night, I’d watch it under the street light across from my house and it felt like time stood still. When I was little, I would lay in the yard full of snow, alone, in my puffy suite, until my fingers and toes would go numb from the cold, listening to the silence, but the best part of those days was going back into my grandparents house and warming up with hot coco made on the stove, wrapping myself in a soft blanket and watching old movies with my grandfather. To me, the Winter is magical. My love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. I’m an introvert but I love people. I like to observe, I like to really understand how the mind works and Im eager to help. I thrive in controlled chaos. I like puzzles, I love music, I like crafts, I like to fix things because grandpa always taught me that nothing is to broken to fix. Nothing. No one.

This is the light. This is the part of me that I give willingly to anyone I meet. I wear it on my sleeve. It’s only the light. Until the last 2 years.. this was all I could give of myself because I’ve always been scared of the dark.

The darkest part of me lasted 8 years, my rock bottom lasted 4.5, but as a whole it’s taken up almost 12 years of my life. Sometimes I worry that all I'm ever going to be is this thing that happened to me. That this will define me for the rest of my life and I need to remind myself that I’m a person that can live separate from an event.

I went to the police station this week, I filled out more forms. I’ve filled out so many forms over the last 2 years. For an emergency restraining order this time. For Florida this time. I knew it would eventually follow me here but typhus felt too soon. The clerk called me brave. I smile and thank them every time but I never know how to respond to that. She has no idea how weak it feels and I mean.. how could she. This is the right choice, the obvious choice, the smart choice. In a different situation, it’s one of the many steps I’d be urging someone else to take. In all the chaos, all the hurt, in all the anger and sadness.. it always circles back to “I loved him”. I did. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to see him grow and heal and if I loved him hard enough for the both of us, it would’ve evened out eventually… right?

I failed.

He was always who he was, but I was young and naive and ready to fix the whole world. When I was 18 and we were free, I would’ve told you he saved me. Now that I’m in my 30’s… and he’s in prison and I’m in limbo.. I don’t know what I’d tell you. He didn’t save me, but he didn’t destroy me either. I had every opportunity to tap out and give up.. but I grew into a person I might not have been if I never met him.

Am I angry? All of the time.

Am I scared? Yes.

I see things more clearly now though. People talk about how you never know someone’s story, and that’s because we are experts at playing pretend like we have it all figured out until we’re alone and have to face truest selves. The facade is the hardest thing to give up. Some people saw through mine and there are others, who have built their own, that never will. I share posts about what I’ve learned, how I see people, how I’ve try to treat people with grace and teach children with love and patience in hopes that a little of that sinks into whoever it reaches, but I very rarely show the journey. Partly because I know the details are gruesome and that’s not for everyone, but mostly because I’m scared.

How will you see me?

What will you think?

I’m learning that I’m not this big awful thing that happened to me. I was never anyone’s property and I’m not chained to it anymore. I was very much lied to and manipulated and hurt long enough that it flipped onto me and I carried it without missing a step. I wanted to love him so much that I would heal him. Instead, he “loved” me so much it almost killed me, and he did call it love. Enough times that he re-defined it and I didn’t use that word for a very long time in any meaningful situation. He, for better or for worse, drastically changed the trajectory of my life.

But it’s ok.

I’m wounded but I’m healing. I’m lonely, but I’m learning how to slowly welcome more people in and step out of my comfort zone. If I’m being honest, I’m relearning a lot of things, including how to exist in a world where I have room to make mistakes and fail. I can say or do the wrong thing and be gently corrected for it by my people and move on … sans violence. There are no words for amount of relief I feel because of that truth.

Is it over? No.

He was sentenced to 7 years last year and every year around mid July early August there is an opportunity to apply for an appeal based on his behavior, which will always be immaculate because he is not as tough as he thinks he is. This means that if he applies and it goes to trial, I’m also notified and have to reappear, show any new evidence, and reexplain why he needs to stay there for the safety of others and myself. Telling my story once a year on a whim to a room full of strangers, always men, so they can decide my fate, as well as the fate of this “upstanding young man with a good head on his shoulders” (actual words used during my initial rape/domestic abuse trial against him), was never what I imagined finally turning him in would look like. I really never thought that after everything, his sentence wouldn’t even be as long as our relationship. The original sentence was 5 years. After he got out on a Governor Cuomo Covid related prison loophole and broke his parole almost immediately, he was sentenced to another 2 on top of that. He has 6 left. We talk about how flawed our system is, but really seeing it is a different kind of punch. Women aren’t believed. There’s a reason so many of these crimes go unreported, and why so many women die at the hands of angry men. The hoops you have to jump through are miles high and on fire, and when you and the advocate show up armed only with your truth, your tears and a little evidence from one night at a bar when he got to drunk and forgot he was in public, it’s very easy for a judge to rule on the softer side. Because, as you all know, we’d never want to ruin a wealthy mans life unless there’s cold, hard, reason to.

Seeing his face when they read out his sentence, after years of terror, was satisfying to say the least and if I hadn’t been so numb to get through the hearing, I would’ve enjoyed it more. I will never forget going to a trusted friends house after that hearing and being completely overwhelmed with all of the emotions. Relief, guilt, sadness, anger, happiness, fear.. so many I couldn’t express.. all at once because the novocain wears off and numb isn’t forever and I fell asleep with their dog after a lot of crying. I’d be lying though if I said that 18 year old in me didn’t feel a loss. I grew up with incredible grandparents that did amazing things in teaching me how to love people and be a good human, but no one can protect us from everything. I also grew up with a mother who fights demons of her own and never had the capacity to love two kids. In a situation like that, someone becomes the punching bag. I became the punching bag and desperately looked for ways out, an opportunity to run.. and I ran right into him, who accepted me with open arms for the first time in my young, very inexperienced life.. and I followed him blindly and he was my whole world. Until I was 27, I didn’t have a guide. By the grace of God I landed into a community in Florida that slowly helped me realize my worth.

So.. what now.

How do we fix what our parents and past broke?

How do you reparent yourself?

The mental health journey is proving to be my biggest struggle yet. There’s no more outside factors, it’s just me and the lies that have fed me for years and altered how I think and feel and understand the world. I can feel myself frustrating people I’ve let close to me. I feel myself getting nervous and pushing people away. Sometimes I can catch it and regroup, other times that nasty little voice is too loud and I’m exhausted. My goodness though, how cool is it to learn so much about yourself? I know I have the capacity to love that broken part of me eventually, but it’s still hard to face. Getting to learn and understand the reason behind your actions is terrifyingly amazing. I am proud of this journey. Even when I don’t always come up on top. It’s hard to see the progress while you’re in it, but laying it all out like this.. I can safely say I’m never going to be that 18 year old girl ever again. Some days this journey looks different, some days the darkness wins, because healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s one step forward, 2 steps back… but nothing is too broken to fix.. and I will never call that darkness home again.

#lonliness #abuse survivor #survivor #domestic violent relationships #domestic violence #processing

5 notes · View notes

toast-connoisseur · 3 years

Note

ALL of the Ask Me Stuff questions

* 1: Full name: For safety purposes I’ll shorten it: Maria Barbara Gonzalez (yes, that’s the shortened version. I’m Mexican lol)

* 2: Age: 25

* 3: 3 Fears: Being buried alive, anything bad happening to a loved one, SPIDERS

* 4: 3 things I love: My family, my friends, movies

* 5: 4 turn ons: soft touches, kissing, making me food, a confident personality

* 6: 4 turn offs: Overly cocky people, racists, chewing with your mouth open

* 7: My best friend: I’m lucky to have several and I love them all with the individual pieces of my heart they each own

* 8: Sexual orientation: Queer/Gay

* 9: My best first date: I don’t think I’ve ever really gone on one tbh lol

* 10: How tall am I: 5’1 (barely make it to the 1)

* 11: What do I miss: Bars/clubs and Disneyland. Hugging people. Not losing so many people on a daily basis...

* 12: What time was I born: 3:38AM

* 13: Favourite color: Blood red (NOT maroon)

* 14: Do I have a crush: I always crush on random girls

* 15: Favourite quote: “Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I’m yours forever.”

* 16: Favourite place: It was once Disneyland now, I don’t really have a place lol

* 17: Favourite food: All of it. Of course Mexican food takes the top of the list though

* 18: Do I use sarcasm: Noooo, you think?!

* 19: What am I listening to right now: I’m watching Buffy

* 20: First thing I notice in new person: What vibes you’re giving off

* 21: Shoe size: 7 for the most part but sometimes I can fit into size 4 kid shoes

* 22: Eye color: Dark brown

* 23: Hair color: naturally: dark brown, right now: black

* 24: Favourite style of clothing: comfortable but more on the lines of retro/rockabilly

* 25: Ever done a prank call? Yes!

* 27: Meaning behind my URL: I love toast

* 28: Favourite movie: I have so many but one is Saved!

* 29: Favourite song: Lots, but Guilty Pleasure by Cobra Starship

* 30: Favourite band: Avenged Sevenfold

* 31: How I feel right now: Mellow

* 32: Someone I love: my nephew

* 33: My current relationship status: single

* 34: My relationship with my parents: could be better, but it’s there

* 35: Favourite holiday: Halloween

* 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: I have two piercings on each ear, my bellybutton pierced, and 6 tattoos (R foot, R ankle, L thigh, L wrist, L bicep, R bicep)

* 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: I want most of my body covered in tattoos so I have a long way to go. As for piercings, I want at least two more per ear.

* 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: my friends said it would be a good time

* 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I wouldn’t say hate, but we’re not friends anymore

* 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Yes!

* 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? No

* 42: When did I last hold hands? It’s been too long :(

* 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? I work from home now so 0 minutes

* 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Yes

* 45: Where am I right now? In my bed

* 46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? My best friends

* 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable usually. I have very sensitive hearing.

* 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? They actually live with me, but it’s temporary.

* 49: Am I excited for anything? My upcoming move

* 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Yes, two actually

* 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? -I work Monday-Friday

* 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? -OOF

* 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Hot

* 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? -Everyone has different trust levels tbh. My best friends hold top tier.

* 55: What is something I disliked about today? I had to work

* 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Beyoncé!

* 57: What do I think about most? The future I want

* 58: What’s my strangest talent? I honestly don’t think I have one? I guess being able to mimic certain voices/accents sometimes but I wouldn’t say I’m pro

* 59: Do I have any strange phobias? I don’t think they’re strange, I just hate feet

* 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

* 61: What was the last lie I told? “I’ll work on that”

* 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? It depends who I’m talking to, but phone tbh

* 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Both are very real

* 64: Do I believe in magic? Yes

* 65: Do I believe in luck? To an extent

* 66: What’s the weather like right now? Nice and cold

* 67: What was the last book I’ve read? I strictly read fanfiction lately

* 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Don’t love it, don’t hate it

* 69: Do I have any nicknames? Barbie, Barbs, whore, homo... you know, cute stuff

* 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I split my eyebrow open and had to get stitches

* 71: Do I spend money or save it? Por que no los dos?!

* 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? No, but my best friend can and it’s so cool!

* 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? My sweats are pink

* 74: Favourite animal? I love animals but wolves are pretty top tier

* 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping

* 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Sexy. Mr. Sexy.

* 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? -I Wanna Get Better by the Bleachers

* 78: How can you win my heart? Be nice to me and have good conversations to me and occasionally buy me chocolate

* 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? The entire lyrics to Act Up by City Girls

* 80: What is my favorite word? Motherfucker

* 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I honestly bounce to and from so many. There’s no way I can only pick 5. All the ones I reblog from are so great!

* 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? STOP GOING TO PARTIES

* 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that I’m aware of

* 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? I can turn invisible

* 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? None really tbh

* 86: What is my current desktop picture? I made it into a winter wonderland for the holidays

* 87: Had sex? “It’s been 84 years...”

* 88: Bought condoms? I’m gay

* 89: Gotten pregnant? See above

* 90: Failed a class? I think in middle school maybe?

* 91: Kissed a boy? Yes

* 92: Kissed a girl? Yes

* 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Sadly, no

* 94: Had a job? Sadly (but also thankfully since I need money)

* 95: Left the house without my wallet? No

* 96: Bullied someone on the internet? No

* 97: Had sex in public? Yes

* 98: Played on a sports team? Yes

* 99: Smoked weed? Yes

* 100: Did drugs? Yes

* 101: Smoked cigarettes? Yes

* 102: Drank alcohol? Yes

* 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No

* 104: Been overweight? No

* 105: Been underweight? Yes

* 106: Been to a wedding? Yes

* 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

* 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

* 109: Been outside my home country? Yes

* 110: Gotten my heart broken? Sorta but I bounced back pretty quick so idk if that counts

* 111: Been to a professional sports game? Long ago

* 112: Broken a bone? No

* 113: Cut myself? I’m very accident prone

* 114: Been to prom? Yes

* 115: Been in airplane? Yes

* 116: Fly by helicopter? No

* 117: What concerts have I been to? So so so many. I miss them.

* 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? I’m gaaaaaaaay

* 119: Learned another language? I’ve been bilingual since I was a child

* 120: Wore make up? Yes

* 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? No

* 122: Had oral sex? Yes

* 123: Dyed my hair? Yes

* 124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

* 125: Rode in an ambulance? I worked for an ambulance company so just for fun

* 126: Had a surgery? Besides oral?

* 127: Met someone famous? I live in LA, so yes lol

* 128: Stalked someone on a social network? No

* 129: Peed outside? Yes

* 130: Been fishing? No, I’d like to!

* 131: Helped with charity? Yes

* 132: Been rejected by a crush? Fifth grade was a tough year for my love life...

* 133: Broken a mirror? No

* 134: What do I want for birthday? To be able to see all my friends in a safe environment

* 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? I’d like as many as I can comfortably afford. I’d have to discuss with the (future) wife about names

* 136: Was I named after anyone? The Virgin Mary (la Virgen Maria) and some Spanish actress named Barbara something...

* 137: Do I like my handwriting? No

* 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? I loved dolls

* 139: Favourite Tv Show? Bewitched

* 140: Where do I want to live when older? California forever unless properly convinced otherwise

* 141: Play any musical instrument? Used to play trumpet and alto sax. Can’t play anymore lol

* 142: One of my scars, how did I get it? See Q70

* 143: Favourite pizza toping? Pepperoni. I love all sorts of toppings but that’s my fav

* 144: Am I afraid of the dark? No

* 145: Am I afraid of heights? Yes

* 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes

* 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Daily

* 148: What I’m really bad at: Focusing. In my defense, I have ADHD

* 149: What my greatest achievments are: graduating college, getting promoted at work, buying my own car, purchasing a home

* 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I once got told “good luck on the short bus” by a guy that was upset I make more money than he does

* 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: take care of all my bills, invest, and then try to help as many of my loved ones as I could with theirs

* 152: What do I like about myself: my resilience

* 153: My closest Tumblr friend: @itssofragile

* 154: Something I fantasise about: My future

* 155: Any question you’d like? Nah, I think we’re good!

1 note · View note

boseongkrp · 3 years

Photo

( the rival, park sooyoung (joy), she/her ) — introducing HAN SUJI, the 22 year old NURSE at ahn medical centre, known around boseong as THE VIXEN. the residents would describe her as perfectly ironed nursing scrubs, red lipstick that seems to never come off and high heels for every day of the week.

now loading her interview....

PLEASE TELL US MORE ABOUT YOURSELF.

❛ i’m a child of autumn, born during that type of weather that makes you think that it’s warm outside, but the deviously chilly winds somehow always manage to sneak up on you when you least expect it to happen. baptized with auburn leaves, swaddled in corduroy for that special level of protection, and weaned on milk mixed with honey that was the color of an october sunset. my mother’s a doctor, a cardiologist of course, in charge of the town’s hearts. my father’s always worked at the town hall. his exact position? now i’ve never really bothered to get much into details, but something something about being a senior manager for strategy and operations. i’m the only child of the family, which naturally leads to the idea that i’ve always been under a great deal of pressure, but we’ll get into that later. simply put, you could say that i was born into a well-off family, at least for a town like this. it’s not like we could ever compare with the glamour and beauty of the bigger cities.

i had a normal childhood. nothing out of the ordinary. my room smelled like floral perfumes and cherry-scented body lotions. life was almost a cycle. busy parents, busy life, endless homework, hanging out at the local park, watching cartoons late into the evening and playing dress-up with my friends when no one was looking. witch, princess, queen, i’ve lived so many lives and none were truly mine. then came high school and my life turned upside down. high school was everything. practices, dance, cheerleading, sneaking off to smoke and have a couple of drinks without anyone knowing. it was fun, wild, fast, and that is, if you ask me, what freedom truly tastes like. yet you could say that i was a perfectionist. i still am. i cared a lot about my reputation. i always did everything in my power to make my parents proud and make those around me smile. so in the end, i ended up ditching hang outs for practices. maybe that’s why people used to call me eunmi’s rival, but truth be told, i wasn’t trying to beat her. i was happy, dedicated, glad that i could keep my stellar grades and still be at the top of the game.

but then eunmi died and frankly, the whole thing fell apart. after that, none of the teachers or trainers remained focused and i can’t blame them. however i still managed to find my true calling somehow. medicine, so i am my mother’s daughter, but i’m not a doctor. there’s much more beauty in nursing. i comfort people, i bathe and feed them, care deeply for them. you could say that i care about them in the same way i care about my closest friends and family, because that’s what every nurse does. doctors only do tests, they give you meds, and then they move onto the next patient, but nurses, we’re always with our patients, watching them, trying to help them in any way that we can.

and outside of work? well i can’t tell for certain, but many have complimented me on my allure. it’s flattering i must admit, but i hardly realize it. people have a habit of confiding in me without every truly realizing why, but some have said it’s because of my charming, stolen from a movie star, eyes. one of mother’s old friends, for an example, recently spent an entire day telling me about her youngest son who was refusing to listen in class. i naturally proposed a few solutions. they actually worked. when i’m not at the hospital, i try to dedicate most of that time to myself, so find me at the boseong fitness center when you’re bored and have nowhere else to go. i’ll give you a few tips and show you how to take good care of your own body. then maybe later i’ll even let you take me out for a few drinks. ❜

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BOSEONG?

❛ a town like any other. they all have their flaws, it all depends on how you choose to look at them. for some it’s too small, like a building that doesn’t have a sufficient number of rooms, so we’re all squashed together, staring through the same old white window. there’s no privacy, everybody knows everybody, and some might find that charming, bewitched by the sense of belonging somewhere. in boseong, we all stick together, right? as children, we used to make up stories about certain places around, even the boseong river, the supposedly haunted area. i used to say that if the river claims you, it’ll drag you so far away that you’ll turn into a fish and find your way to the ocean, but most fish are ugly so it’s best stay away from the river. a funny little story. that’s what it was. it kept most kids away. but to get back to my previous point, no i don’t believe that it’s haunted. it’s just a river. only the living can harm you. so like a said, it’s a town like any other and you either get used to its quaint charm or you pack your bags and drive away. there are no other options. ❜

HAVE YOU EVER LEFT OR THOUGHT ABOUT LEAVING BOSEONG?

❛ for a few short trips but never permanently. i used to think about it. about moving to a much bigger city, but that was back in high school, during the days of my cheerleading glory. i wanted to become a dancer, like most girls do at that age, blinded by the things they see on tv or other older girls doing. i’d call it the trials of girlhood and every girl begs to be seen. but that was back then and i’ve definitely made my piece with it. besides, i’m doing far more for the people now. that’s enough to keep me calm. ❜

WERE YOU CLOSE WITH HA EUNMI? WHAT WAS YOUR IMPRESSION OF HER?

❛ close? i wouldn’t say that we were close. i knew her. knew the way she danced, moved her feet, how she gasped and clenched her fists when things became too tiring. but she never gave up. a gentle warrior with a smile and dazzling stars colliding within her, there’s a reason why she was so adored. we weren’t friends outside of practices, i never fully knew her, like her friends or exes, but i knew her on a different level. i knew her in a deeper way. i was just like her. we were the same. it’s why people always found ways to create rumors about the rivalry between us. we weren’t rivals. we just both liked to compete and we were such determined girls. she was me and i was her. but she’ll never know what it’s like to be twenty, or twenty-one or twenty-two, so we’re not the same girls anymore. most people here will say here that sometimes dead things don’t want to stay dead, but i think it’s the other way around. the alive ones don’t always want to stay. and eunmi made her choice… ❜

DO YOU HAVE A DARK SECRET THAT NO ONE KNOWS OF?

< R E D A C T E D >

#bsfollow #krp

1 note · View note

imaginexmeintheuniverse · 5 years

Text

All I Want

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3, 937

A/N: this song just screamed padfoot to me~

All I want is nothing more

To hear you knocking at my door

‘Cause if I could see your face once more

I could die a happy man, I’m sure

You were happy for Sirius— that much wasn’t a lie.

You knew— or at least hoped, that his family would go easier on him since she was also a pureblood, despite them constantly treating him terribly for being a Gryffindor and a “blood traitor"— a term that was completely barbaric in your opinion. But then again your opinion doesn’t matter to people like that being a "mudblood Gryffindor” yourself. Thankfully, you’d never had the displeasure of meeting them— Sirius made bloody well sure of that.

He was a pariah amongst his very own family, but maybe they’d be more lenient now that he was one half of a pureblood-power-couple that came from prominent families. She was a Slytherin— and essentially every pureblood family’s dream, which probably would have bothered you more if it weren’t for how happy she seemed to be making your best friend.

When you said your last goodbye

I died a little bit inside

I lay in tears in bed all night

Alone without you by my side

You were also sad— your best friend had significantly less time for you. But you couldn’t tell him that; it would be selfish of you— especially since the rest of the marauders were more vocal about how they felt. You were the only one who supported him fully.

The others pointed out how he was blind because of his affections towards her; like he had been, for lack of a better word, bewitched. There were a few instances where you had caught them fighting, but those were moments you weren’t meant to see. There were also some moments where you’d be comforting or talking him down after one of those said fights.

Overall, you hadn’t really made up your mind about the girl, not allowing yourself to focus on anything but his happiness, otherwise it might be too painful.

So you brought out the best of me

A part of me I’d never seen

You took my soul and wiped it clean

Our love was made for movie screens

You were happy for him— that much was true. You were sad, that was also true, but he was happy, so you were too.

He seemed happy with her so you considered all those bad times as exceptions instead of the rule, but you were the only one, other than Sirius, in denial of the pattern.

The way he talked about her was as though she had hung the moon and all the stars in the night sky just for him. He spoke as if she discovered the wonderful part of his soul no one else had ever found, but that’s where you felt taken for granted because it’s something you always knew was there like your own secret garden.

Maybe it just took someone with more confidence and assertiveness to make him realize. She must have succeeded where you had failed.

Just when you thought you had gotten used to the new social dynamic, your best friend started changing.

They were the power couple around Hogwarts; gorgeous pure bloods from prominent families, and Sirius started shifting into the mould.

The way his features would light up every time he saw you became almost exclusively for her, the time he spent with the group felt like it was cut in half, and then slowly became less and less as time went on. During classes, the hands that would normally be preparing some sort of prank had grown still in favour of holding hers, and he no longer caught your gazes nor did you share any secret smirks from across the room.

Bit by bit, you felt like you were losing the most important person in your life.

The Sirius you knew was being wiped clean and reconstructed to fit the role in movie where he was the depiction of a picture perfect relationship.

That is until she broke his heart.

But if you loved me, why’d you leave me

When his whole world came crashing down, no matter how neglected the marauders felt of late, they were there for him and so were you.

“She left me,” he concluded simply. Over the entire recounting of the break up he hadn’t looked at any of you for more than a few seconds at a time, instead focusing on his fidgeting fingers and untouched meal that lay in front of him on the Gryffindor table. This was no doubt a valiant effort intended to keep the inevitable break down at bay. “I just don’t understand; if s-she loved me like she said she did, why did she leave?”

You looked around, making brief eye contact with each of the boys who had waited silently for Sirius to finish speaking, not wanting to interrupt him in his clearly fragile state. You didn’t know what to say, and Remus seemed to still be processing the details. That’s when your eyes connected with James’ and you knew that being the quick-on-his-feet talker that he was, he would know what to say best right now.

But before he could open his mouth, Sirius stood from the table and excused himself, “I’m not really hungry, I think I’ll turn in for the night. I’ll see you all tomorrow, yeah?”

He stood unsteadily from his seat, offering a last sad smile before walking out of the great hall with his shoulders slouched and his head low.

Take my body, take my body

“What are the lot of you doing?!” You snapped, surprising the now wide-eyed boys with your sudden outburst. “Go after him!” You slammed both hands down on the table as you stood. “Go talk t-to him- j-just please, do something—”

“Y/N,” James interjected, having noted that your voice was cracking and your eyes had welled up, tears threatening to spill over any second. He stood from his seat and made his way around to your side of the table, proceeding to lead you away with a soft grip on your elbow.

“James, I can’t see him like this- doesn’t it frustrate you too?”

“Of course I do- we all do, but—” he stopped himself, offering you an empathetic smile as he pondered whether or not this was the right time.

“But what?”

“We aren’t the ones Padfoot wants to see right now…” He looked at you expectantly, gauging to see if you understood what he was hinting at.

“I know he wants her but I don’t think that's—”

“Y/N, listen to me!” James grabbed both your shoulders as an attempt to shake some sense into you. “By we, I meant me and the boys; you need to be the one to go after him.” He looked you up and down, hoping you’d show some sign of understanding, but your face drew up a blank.

“W-Wait- I-I- I don’t understand- why would he want to see me? I don’t even have access to your roo—”

“Merlin, you can be so bloody thick sometimes,” he chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “It was always you. She was never the one for him because it’s always been you.”

“I don’t know James,” you avert your eyes to the floor, unsure about what he’s saying. “You’re his best friend- you should probably go talk to him.”

“You’re not listening to me, you need to go after him. I may be his oldest friend, but you’re even thicker than I thought if you can’t tell that he’s been in love with you since the day you stumbled into our cabin on the Hogwarts Express.”

You weighed out your options and processed what James was telling you— which is honestly a lot, but not too foreign as he’s described precisely how you've felt towards Sirius over all these years. And with the grin his mouth formed, you’re assumed he must have known how you felt. “A-All right, but he’s probably already locked himself in your room— how am I going to get up there?”

“Oh, Y/N,” James tisked, shaking his head in mock-disappointment. “You should know better than anyone that Paddy hasn’t really gone to sulk in his room…”

With that, it’s as though someone shined a Lumos-illuminated wand above your head because you knew exactly where he would be.

All I want is, all I need is

As you pushed your way through halls of students, your rushing adrenaline could do all but keep your mind from running faster than your feet.

You had referred to him as your best friend for the last six years, but James was right: he’s so much more than that. You had an instant crush upon meeting the boy with the adorably messy hair, and he soon became the object of your affection after he had defended you against a group of snobby purebloods cursing you out. He was the first one to truly make you feel like you belonged at Hogwarts, and he was the one who made it home. Between him including you in the Marauders’ mischief, and you helping him perfect charms, you hadn’t even realized how hard you had fallen for him until it was too late.

If what James said was true, then that’s all you needed.

Of course, you weren’t going to drop all this on him right away; the poor chap just got his heart shattered. But eventually he would heal, and you’d stand by him like you always have, and maybe when the time was finally right for the two of you, it would happen. You’ve already waited this long, so you could wait a little longer, and he was definitely worth the wait.

You stopped yourself before entering the top floor of the astronomy tower, watching in the slumped figure sitting by the massive armillary sphere. His back was to you as he sat with his head hung low and his legs dangling over the edge of the floor surrounding the sphere. You were so quiet that you were certain he didn’t know you were there, otherwise he probably would have greeted you with some sarcastic-self-deprecating remark to mask his hurt.

Once you had caught your breath as quietly as you could, you padded over to him and saw the slightest flinch at the creak of a floorboard. But when he turned and saw it was you, his shoulders relaxed.

Carefully minding your distance, you took a seat next to him and then he did what you hadn’t expected the reputed bad boy of Gryffindor to do: he all but threw himself into your open arms without a word and pulled you impossibly close like you were his lifeline.

Which you might as well have been.

To find somebody, I’ll find somebody

He cried silently onto your shoulder, his tears eventually soaking through your robe, but you didn’t care one bit. Wordless seconds flew by as you tried to comfort him the best you could by holding him as tight as he held you.

After some time, he sobered up and pulled back, swiping furiously at his red puffy skin to erase any visible traces of his break down. Your body felt cold as soon as he parted from you, and you feared he’d start isolating himself like he had attempted just moments earlier.

He was much too hard on himself; didn’t allow himself to be vulnerable, but around you things had always been different, and you hoped he wouldn’t shut you out now.

“She said she loved me,” he broke the silence, but turned away from you in hopes that you wouldn’t catch the fresh tears streaming down his cheeks anew.

“Hey,” you said so softly he barely heard it over the choked sob he was trying to hold back. He still wasn’t looking at you, instead trying to conceal his sniffle by covering his face. “Sirius Orion Black, look at me,” you demanded, taking his face sternly in both your hands and turning his head, but your voice remained soft as soft as your gaze. What you were met with broke your heart. The fearless boy who had grown into a strong young wizard was falling apart right in front of you.

“I-If she loved me, why’d she leave me?” He repeated the same words he had earlier, back in the great hall, and you couldn’t bring yourself to imagine how many times he must have repeated them to himself. You couldn’t bear thinking about how he must be blaming himself for her leaving— like he was the problem. He already had enough of that for more than a lifetime.

“Sirius,” you locked his eyes with yours, making sure he understood what you were saying. “She never loved you.”

To find somebody, I’ll find somebody

At first, you worried that you expressed yourself terribly, with the way his features shifted; eyebrows knit together and hard a gaze, stormy orbs piecing through you. “W-Wait, I-I didn’t mean that- wh-what I meant was that if she truly loved you, then—”

The end of your sentence was effectively cut short by Sirius crashing his lips into yours. If his arms hadn’t been immediately wound around your waist, he probably would have knocked you off the edge with the sheer force.

For him, that one sentence was all it took to make all the cloudy chaos in his head clear as day. He knew exactly what you meant by it as soon as the words left those lips of yours that felt even softer than they looked. Those were the same lips that had greeted him with a smile every day, whispered secrets into his ear, and were victim to your teeth in the most adorable way when you were concentrated. Those were the lips which he had only touched in his dreams, and now he had finally captured them with his own.

He knew what you meant because it’s everything you’ve been saying since he had the pleasure of meeting the gaze produced by those bright Y/E/C hues. You’re the one who had always made him feel loved when his own family rejected him. Your arms were his home when he felt he had none, and you had been there supporting him no matter how ridiculous he had become or how much he neglected you. The other girl sounded like a broken record in comparison to you. You had told him he was deserving of love and compassion a million times, in a million different ways. He never needed to find someone his family would approve of, or go looking for someone to tell him pretty lies because you had been there all along speaking the most beautiful truth, even if it was still hard for him to accept. And he felt like a right twat.

The way you responded to his actions was with as much vigour as he had initiated. Your arms curled around his neck, securing themselves there as your lips synched up to his. Lacing your fingers through his dark locks, you subconsciously tugged a little as you deepened the kiss and he moaned lightly against your mouth. It was more of a release moan, rather than out of lust. The kiss itself was messy, and tasted like salty tears, but was innocent.

It was an exchange between two people who had been in love for years; where one would apologize for being an ignorant fool all these years, and other would reassure forgiveness and let them know that from now on, everything will be okay.

Or at least you’d try your very best.

Like you, oh, oh, oh

The next morning had been great. You had spent most of the previous night in the tower with Sirius, and he had escorted you back to the girl’s dormitories, helping you sneak in way past curfew— but not before he had pulled you close for another long kiss. Due to your late-night adventure, you were tired from the lack of sleep, but giddy from the new developments.

You didn’t expect him to get over his breakup right away, nor did you expect him to jump into a relationship with you so quickly. You wanted to take it slow to make sure the pacing is natural— which you have already sort of failed at, but you were excited for the start of something new.

He met you in the common room before breakfast, knuckles brushing as you walked side by side to the Gryffindor table. Breakfast was spent sharing not-so-secret glances that the boys would chuckle at now and then, and he had opted eating with his inferior hand in favour of keeping his other hand on your knee— all small actions that were enough to turn you into a puddle of goo.

First, you had advanced potions with him where you were stationed next to each other and continued your subtle flirting— or as subtle as you could to avoid getting in trouble with Professor Slughorn. You’d been trying your very best to keep it low-key not only for his healing process, but also because you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were being watched.

When the class came to an end, your suspicions were proved correct.

He had pulled you into a corner where you were mostly out of sight and kissed you like it was the last time he’d ever see you again, even though he would see you after your free period in astronomy— ironically enough. You didn’t have more than a few seconds after he left you to melt against the wall before a small crowd of green-clad girls surrounded you.

You wish you could say you didn’t feel any fear, but that would be a flat out lie. You looked up to see her, and she looked colder than the last time you’d seen her.

“A little owl told me the pair of you had been getting real cozy in the astronomy tower last night,” she remarked, tilting her head to the side as she sized you up as though this was the first time she was paying you any attention despite dating your best friend for nearly a year.

“I-I’m so—”

“The Gryffin-whore acts fast doesn’t she?” A girl snorted from behind, her comment eliciting a round of snickers.

Rolling her eyes, she dismissed her posse with a wave of her hand and turned her focus back to you. “Didn’t waste any time, did you?”

“I-I’m sorry,” you finally managed to muster out. That’s another reason why you hadn’t intended on things moving so fast, but they just did. She may have had a reputation for being a cold-hearted witch amongst your friends, but refused to believe that the breakup left her completely unscathed. “I-I didn’t mean for things to move so fast I—”

“Don’t bother,” she said, crossing her robed arms over her chest. You had always envied how calm, cool, and collected she always seemed to be, and she was quite intimidating— not only because of her family name, but also because of how she carried herself; with unapologetic pride and confidence. “I saw it coming.” Her gaze pierced through you like a dagger, but you could also see slight cracks in her hard exterior. “I left him. What he does is no longer any of my concern.”

The same girl as before piped up, like she had been waiting for an opening. Her voice laced with venom, she all but hissed, “You’re just a temporary consolation prize, Gryffindor mudblood—”

“Enough,” she interrupts her friend, shooting her an austere look, before turning back to you. “If Sirius wants to replace me by a cheaper make, that’s his choice to make.”

And with that, she left silently with her group, the same way she came. She acknowledged a long time ago that perhaps you were the one for Sirius instead of her, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to go through her own grieving process. She too, had feelings, after all.

Like you, like you

You would have been lying if you said your little encounter earlier didn’t have any effect on you. Her words weren’t the ones that bothered you; you empathized with her. You were embarrassed to admit, even to yourself, that it was her snarky friend’s immature quips that got to you. She took the one thing you had spent years convincing yourself didn’t make you any less a witch than anyone else, and paired it with an adjective that had you paranoid for the rest of the day: temporary.

The feelings you had felt so confident about the night before, and were reassured to be reciprocated, were now marred with self-doubt and insecurity. The words replayed themselves in your head all day as you felt yourself become more inhibited with each iteration. Your mind became clouded with a grey that overshadowed your heart, and it definitely did not get past Sirius.

“Hey,” he greeted you with a smile, taking a seat next to you on the couch. He noticed right away that something was up.

He pressed a quick kiss to your cheek, but you didn’t even look at him, staying focused on the same line you’d been reading over and over again

“Hey, Y/N, what’s going on?” With a gentle finger, Sirius pushed on your chin so he could catch your eyes and he instantly saw that there definitely was something on your mind.

“I-It’s nothing—” You couldn’t even convince yourself as you shrugged it off.

“It’s not nothing.”

Taking both your hands, he closed up your book and set it on the side table before leading you to a private corner of the common room. It didn’t take much coaxing for him to crack you open and have you spill everything that happened.

“How can a mudblood like me ever compare?”

He was used to reassuring you, always making sure you knew that he meant what he was saying, but now, he was past reassurance. He sucked in a painful breath and ran a hand through his hair out of frustration. “I loved you before she was even a thought that crossed my mind.”

“W-What if what they said is true, though?” You could see his blood start to boil. Self-consciously rubbing your hands over the goosebumps on your arms, you tried your best not to let your voice break. “What if I’m just a temporary—”

“You’re nothing like her!” He snapped, and you flinched at the sudden change of tone. You know he does so out of love; he needed you to know how he feels and not doubt it. He took a breath to calm himself and leaned forward to give you a kiss— trying his best to transmit every emotion through it before pulling back. Hus voice was softer now as he spoke, “And you’re definitely not a rebound or temporary replacement, or whatever those nasty girls are saying.”

Placing a hand on either side of your face, he held your face and locked those bright, fiery eyes of his on yours. “You are you, and I love you. And for me—” he cut himself off, not being able to contain himself any longer. He pulled you into another searing kiss through which he tried to convey every spark you’ve ever lit in his heart over the last six years.

He pulled back, but only slightly so that you still felt his lips brush yours as he whispered, “It’s always been you.”

224 notes · View notes

juliaaguilar · 4 years

Photo

BEWITCHING YNGRID (Short Story)

It was Sunday morning. The sun is shining bright and the breeze blowing from west of Village Tazmania is making the branches and leaves of the old trees in the forest dance.

It was a typical weather but it wasn't a typical Sunday morning for the Tazmanians. Today is the day where the people commemorate an event called The memorial.

Everyone within the village would come to the forest to witness the rituals and prayers done by the Chief for the souls that was taken by the cursed gate.

"Hurry up!"

Yngrid rolled her eyes at her mother's remark. She has been attending this event for her 19 years of existence and she's convinced that no matter what happens, even if she's pulled towards the gate, the memorial, is still a waste of time.

She believed that the people that the cursed gate took wasn't dead at all. Private officials in their village worked overtime and conducted a very thorough investigation due to the number of people missing, though every investigation directed all to one suspect, the cursed gate, no bodies were found.

Yngrid can read minds, as it was the special power that the Tazmanians possessed. But it was no use. Everyone believed that if you were chosen by the cursed gate, your time is up.

"All kneel..." the Chief said.

Everyone followed except Yngrid.

She kept a distance within the Tazmanian crowd who are now kneeling in front of the memorial plaque. The Chief started to murmur prayers she'd never understand no matter how hard she tried to.

Lies. She said in her mind.

Just then the memorial plaque started glowing in a shade of deep red. The cursed gates opened slowly and was followed with a blinding light. Everyone let out a gasp as it was a bad sign.

Yngrid's jaw dropped. What now? Did I anger the cursed gate with my thoughts? Is someone gonna die just to prove me wrong? She screamed in her head.

Just when she was about to take a step, her eyes widened when she saw her mother going near the gate. She didn't bother to take another step, instead she ran.

She might not always show affection towards her mother but she couldn't live without her. That's one thing she's sure of.

"Mother!" Yngrid yelled as she was about to close the gap between her and the gate.

She was about to pull her mother away from the cursed gate when she saw that her mother was the one controlling it. A black smoke was coming out of her mother’s bare hands.

Emotions dwelled within her heart. Rage, disapointment, she couldn't name it all. But at least she proved that all the stories circulating within the village we're all fabricated.

"Explain it to me." Yngrid demanded to her mother after the event.

"I will. At home. I promise."

"No."

"Yngrid..." her mother pleaded.

She looked at her in the eye, entering the mind of her mother to read her thoughts to give answers to her questions but she couldn't get in.

"Stop trying to read my mind."

She heard enough excuses. Mind in a haywire she walked away from the forest. Not in the direction of their house, not in the direction of the cursed gate. She doesn't know where she's going but she's determined to stay away from her mom, for now.

If there's one thing she dislikes the most it would be liars. She's a firm believer of the saying 'it is better to hurt people with the truth than comfort them with lies'. So if no one's gonna tell her what's going on, she'll tell herself.

Monday morning came and the sun is still shinning, the breeze is cold and strong, the usual weather in Village Tazmania.

Yngrid decided to spend the night in the house of her childhood friend, Jiro. They watched movies, ate popcorn, laughed at each other's funny stories that made Yngrid forget about what happened.

"Yngrid!" her mom's voice echoed when she reached their house.

She rolled her eyes yet again. Is she really worried or was this concern a lie as well? She thought.

"I am truly concerned! You are my daughter!" her mother exclaimed.

Yngrid immediately formed a cloud on her mind to block her mother from reading her thoughts. She felt violated. She always felt.

"Are you not gonna talk to me?"

She didn't answer her mother. If you're not gonna tell me the truth, we're not talking.

Yngrid felt horrible. With all the thoughts lingering in her mind that was dominated by negative thoughts, she ignored her surroundings.

She unknowingly grabbed a mug and a brewed coffee. Why am I seeing all these? Why do we have this ability? Am I really human?

"Sit down. I'll tell you everything." her mother gave up.

Yngrid hesistated. Sure. Her mother's now willing to tell her everything, but that does not guarantee that whatever she's going to say is true. Is she willing to take the risk? Of course. I could easily tell if she's lying to me anyways. She thought.

Her mother, Oona, gestured to the dining chair in front of her. Yngrid followed without muttering a single word. Both of them wanted answers. Her mother wanted to know if her daughter's gonna believe her, and Yngrid followed without muttering a single word. Both of them wanted answers. Her mother wanted to know if her daughter's gonna believe her, and Yngrid wanted to know the truth.

"First of, we are humans," her mother started. "But we have a special ability that most humans do not have. We are special. And in order to protect us from people who wanted to take advantage of our powers, the Chief ordered for us to stay within the forest. In our village."

Yngrid multi tasked. She was listening and observing at the same time. But as what she noticed, there are no errors yet. Everything that her mother just said is possible so it might be true.

"But staying here isn't free. We must protect the forest from harm with all our might. That is the deal," "Though the disapperances of our people and the cursed gate... those we're not lies. So I hope you trust me by then, I will not do anything that can harm you. Its only the two of us now..." she offered her hand

Yngrid accepted her mother's hand. For a moment she actually felt safe despite all the weird things she's not yet used to see. Her mother, Oona, was right. Its only the two of them now.

"Good morning!"

Calla, Yngrid's bestfriend, peeked from the living room wearing her usual cheeky smile. Yngrid greeted her back and returned the warm smile before finishing her coffee.

"Good morning. Breakfast?" Oona offered.

Calla shook her head. "I just had breakfast. Thank you, ma'am," she then looked at Yngrid. "Let's go for a stroll?"

Yngrid looked at her mother for approval. Her mother replied with a smile that was equivalent to a yes. So she didn't waste her time and went upstairs to change.

It was said that the Chief required all women to wear dresses, they may have an occasion or not so it wasn't that much of a big deal towards the ladies. But wearing any red colored clothing is strictly prohibited since it was believed in the village that the color red attracts bad luck.

Yngrid changed in to a plain white ruffle sleeve dress and a white flats. Her brown hair done in natural low curls.

"I was wondering if I can sell these metal pins I've collected during the memorial... I hope they cost a fortune." Calla said as she was showing the pins to Yngrid.

They are on their way to the market. The Village Tazmania was huge but in order to get through every places within it, a person shall pass the forest where the cursed gate is located.

As they were about to pass, a bolt of blinding light flickered. Both women covered their eyes due to the blinding light. But Calla's screams started to zone out and Yngrid knew theres something wrong.

She opened her eyes and saw that Calla was being pulled towards the cursed gate with an invisible force. She was about to chase her but it was to late as her friend was swallowed whole by the light.

The light disappeared and everything went back to normal except Yngrid. She was scared... for once.

So it is real... She thought, as nervousness started eating her up. She has two options in the moment. First, to go near the gate, follow Calla, and face what's within there, or to ask help from the Chief.

She knew the better choice was the latter. Going after her friend wasn't a good idea for it will result to another disappearances. How will she save her friend, if she doesn't know what to do if she's in there? More so, will she able to win the fight if something really in there? Will she able to get out or will she be one of the people who went missing?

Yngrid knew better. She immediately called the attention of the Chief through her mother and before everyone knew it, a memorial was held.

She felt horrible. Yngrid disliked attending this event since time immemorial but she is now to pray for the soul of her lost friend Calla.

Her mother, Oona, looked at her worriedly. She knew. She knew that this disapperance will push Yngrid to find answers and seek what's with the curse so she must stop her daughter from getting herself killed.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" her mother asked worriedly.

Yngrid couldn't even speak. She was shocked, to put it lightly. But what she feels is more than that. She was afraid.

It was past twelve midnight and Yngrid was just there, lying in her bed, eyes wide open. She shifted to the right side of her bed and saw a picture of herself together with Calla, there were actually three of them.

And without thinking twice, she knew it was a sign. She's going after her friend.

Yngrid tiptoed her way downstairs in order to keep her mother from waking up because she knew her mother would disagree with her decision, aside from that, it was last thing she wants her mother to know. Her mother would consider this heroic act a suicide.

She held the doorknob, gently twisted it but the door wasn't budging. She tried doing the same exact thing for a few minutes but nothing happened. Mother must've locked the door from outside.

She thought.

If the front door was locked, then the back door must be as well. I have nowhere to get out. The window from my bedroom is my only choice.

She then climbed back to her bedroom, tying a thick blanket on his bed, and the other end on her waist, Yngrid took the window and landed on the ground with a low thud. She stayed still for a moment, waiting to see if her mother had notice but she didn't so Yngrid followed the way to the cursed gate.

When she arrived, she was trembling with fear. All she can recall were the stories from the elders saying, "whoever dares to come near the cursed gate, will become a hideous monster and cannot return to the village... forever" but thoughts of Calla asking for help started appearing from her thoughts.

She took a step towards the cursed gate. Little by little she is starting to get real close to it. For the first time seeing the cursed gate this close, she noticed that there were words carved on top of the gate but she refused to utter those, she don't want to get herself hurt, she must find Calla first.

"Shit." Yngrid muttered.

Just then she heard the sound of unlocking followed by the opening of its gates, like what happened earlier, a blinding light followed. She took another step towards it, until the light was able to reach her. Then it drag her to God knows where.

Yngrid landed on her knees with her eyes shut. She was still shaking and she didn't want to open her eyes, thinking she did turn into a hideous beast. She stayed still for a moment until she heard a loud beep.

"Hey! Are you okay?"

She opened her eyes and was greeted yet again by another blinding light, but this time, it was bearable.

Gently she managed to pull herself together and presented herself to the man infront of her. Behind him is a black machine with four wheels, and two lights that seemed to form like its eyes, a rectangular shaped metal that look like its mouth!

"Is that a monster?!" Yngrid exclaimed.

The man was confused. "A monster?" he looked at behind him and pointed to the black machine. "This is my car. Is it your first time seeing this?"

The man glanced at Yngrid and noticed that she doesn't look like she belongs to the place. Her dress doesn't match with his expensive watch and branded black suit and slacks.

"Where am-m... I?" she stuttered, covering half of her mouth in fear.

She looked over to the left side of the road and saw a glass built shop so she closed the small distance between them to look at her reflection.

Upon seeing that she still has both eyes, complete set of teeth, arms, legs, and she didn't look like one of the monsters she imagined, she heaved a sigh of relief. Liars. She silently cursed the elders who once told her those stories.

"Miss...?" the man called.

"I'm looking for a girl named Calla. She's two inch shorter than me, brown haired, and she's very fair, she's wearing--"

"There are a lot of ladies like that here in New York. If you want I can take you to the cops. You look like you're lost."

Her forehead creased. "New... York?"

Before the man could answer, someone from behind held her wrist and yanked her away from the busy streets. The person holding her is wearing a red cloak and is walking so fast so she couldn't catch up and take a look at its face.

"Let go of me!" Yngrid continued to pull her arm from the grasp of the stranger.

But it only caused her more fear when the stranger pulled her into a one dark alley that was dumped with garbage and left overs.

The stranger stopped walking and turned around to face her. Yngrid stopped breathing for a moment, that machine wasn't a monster so it must be this person! I can't die yet!

"C-Calla?" Yngrid muttered when she saw who it was. Calla closed the gap to give her friend a very tight hug which Yngrid returned.

"You know what? You're actually right! The stories we're all lies. And all the people who got lost weren't really dead. They get transported here."

Yngrid's brows met at her friend's statement. Still dizzy from what happened earlier, she tried to squint her eyes and tried to process the information but to no avail, it seems like her brain is malfunctioning.

If it’s true that they're not dead, where are they now? Why didn't they return to the village? Most importantly, what's this place?

"Transported?" Yngrid asked.

Calla only shrugged. "I'm not the one that should be telling you this."

"Then who?"

"It’s the detective."

Yngrid got more confused. What the freak is a detective? Is that a thing? She squinted yet again as her headache started getting worse.

Calla noticed the discomfort on Yngrid's face, realizing that she's having a headache just like her when she arrived at the same place.

"Come with me. She can answer all your questions, I promise." Calla showed her small finger.

She held Yngrid's arm, put back the cloak on to cover her face and headed towards the old abandoned road, a bit far from the main road of the city center.

Yngrid slowly recovering from her throbbing head, took a glance on Calla as she walk fast infront of her, gripping her wrist and pulling her to God knows who.

"Why are you wearing a cloak?" Yngrid managed to ask.

She waited for an answer but Calla remained silent throughout the journey. When they reached the end of the road, there stood a modern designed house with a white and blue furnishing, there is a space at the right side of the house and a monster called 'car' on idle.

Calla opened the gates in a haste, she didn't even bother to knock as she directly opened the front door of the house.

Unlike the houses back in the village where the houses were furnished in dark and gloomy colors. The colors of the house furnishing inside were light, the furnitures were covered in a shade of light black but it contemplated the whole place.

"Detective?" Calla called.

From the kitchen, a silhouette of a woman appeared. As she stepped into the light, Yngrid managed to study her facial features.

Dress in a slightly loose red slacks, and a white shoulder length puffy dress, holding a newspaper, the 'Detective' looked quite intimidating, especially with the specs she's wearing.

"She's here!" Calla exclaimed.

Yngrid yet again looked confused. She's here? Were they waiting for me? Do they know I'm coming? What's going on?

"You look so confused, dear. I'm sure you have a lot of questions in your mind?" the woman's voice was soft but scary.

"I-I do have several questions..." Yngrid answered politely.

"Very well..." the woman motioned to Yngrid to go and follow her.

Yngrid hesistated. For the past minutes, a lot of crazy things have been happening and that's all because of that goddamn cursed gate. I cannot trust anybody, I don't even know where I am! I might die if I let my guards down! She thought.

She looked over to Calla to ask help but Calla nodded and motioned to actually follow the woman!

Yngrid had no choice.

The woman led her to the basement where everything is almost non visible, it was so dark that Yngrid could hurt herself because she cannot see anything.

The woman noticed her trembling hands so she turned to the switch for the lights. Yngrid felt relieved. At least if there was something waiting for her at the end of the staircase, she'll see it.

Amidst the negative thoughts, there were no monsters on the basement but there were a lot of papers and a bulletin board that has a red yarn connecting the pictures of people to a one certain place.

"Missing?" Yngrid muttered.

She took a look at the pictures of the people with a "MISSING" quote on top and realized that it was the villagers that was left in Village Tazmania!

She felt shivers ran down her spine when she saw the recent pictures that were posted. It was Calla's... and hers?

"Correct. That's you." the woman said.

Yngrid turned to her as a response. She couldn't say anything but at least her tears were enough to show what she's feeling.

"I'm Detective Marta Chu. I have been investigating about the suspicious disappearance of people for 15 years now."

"How is this me?" Yngrid asked looking at the picture of a four year old little girl.

The woman took a pile of papers from the desk and placed it infront of Yngrid. "You and your parents were in a cruise ship fifteen years ago, during the trip, the cruise ship came across a strong storm that wiped the cruise ship apart. Luckily, your parents survived, they were rescued by the coast guards, but you..."

Yngrid waited for the woman to finish her statement. She's yet again being told a story and she already promised herself that she won't be getting fooled over false stories but it just feels too real for her. For the first time in her nineteen years of existence, this story felt true.

You were not there. The coast guards ask for the cooperation of the high ranking officials and police officers just like what your parents instructed. They were eager to find you," she started. "The search lasted for two years. I thought they won’t get tired of looking for you since you were the unica hija..."

Yngrid sniffed. "Am I dead?"

"That's what we thought. But then this," she used a red marker to encircle a place named, 'Bermuda Triangle.' "This place was rumored to be a black whole or a dimension due to the disappearances over the years. The cruise ship rerouted and sailed the wrong way due to the storm."

"As mentioned by survivors, just like her," she pointed to Calla. "You were trapped in a village in the middle of the forest which can be found under the deep deep sea of the Bermuda Triangle. If you believe to have seen people who uses powers, or magical stuff then there's only one thing that I'm sure of."

The woman came closer. "What's your name?"

"Y-Yngrid..." She sniffed again.

"Yngrid.... You're bewitched."

I blinked a few times and stretched my arms. I pushed my glasses up by my index finger as I continued to stare at the monitor of my computer.

Word count: 3,660 words.

"Hey, Yna! I heard you just finished writing the draft of your short story. You need to proofread and post it asap because it’s due tomorrow.." my classmate, Jessica said.

"Uh yes..." I replied.

"So what's the title? Can I sneak a peek?"

I nodded as she moved closer to my chair. I have been trying to come up with a good short story for a specialized subject in my strand, and I hope that my teacher is satisfied about my work!

I smiled as I typed in the title of my short story before pressing post.

TITLE: BEWITCHING YNGRID.

1 note · View note

ladyserendipitous · 6 years

Text

Kitty It’s Cold Outside

(‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ might be the reason Chat Noir stays overnight at Marinette’s but ‘Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow’ is how they feel the next day.

This is a cute song fic to @acaseymonster for @mlsecretsanta

Hope you enjoy!)

Adrien really hadn’t planned to stay all that long. Just to stop by and say hi to his favorite princess perhaps, but Marinette had other ideas.

“I really can’t stay,” Chat Noir said as he stood on the rooftop balcony over the bakery, one hand holding the mug of hot cocoa Marinette had handed him soon after he had landed. Glancing out at the city, blanketed in white, he was once again surprised by all the snow coming down heavily all around, at times blowing near vertically. The storm hadn’t seemed so imposing when he first started his patrol.

“Come on in Kitty. It’s cold outside,” she said to him, motioning Chat Noir to the window hatch. Marinette was bundled up in a jacket and stocking cap that she’d quickly pulled on when he landed atop her room. She was smiling up at him so warmly it could melt ice.

“I really can’t,” Chat Noir shook his head even as he took a step closer as she held out her free hand to him. “I just came over because this evening has been so very nice. Though even if it hadn’t been seeing you would make it so.”

Marinette laughed lightly like the tinkling of bells. For all he knew she had her doubts about how nice the evening was for him. It had been a good patrol though. Mostly because he started it early. “I had been hoping you’d stop by,” she told him as she took a hold of his hand, then gasped. “You’re like ice!”

He chuckled nervously, but knew he was doomed as she tugged him to the skylight. “I mean if I’m not home someone might worry,” he said even as he tried to think of who would worry about him at this hour. The people his father employed were already home themselves. If his mother was around, but of course she wasn't and Adrien wouldn't dwell. Still perhaps… “And if Father found out he might actually, I don’t know, pace the floor?”

They were now securely in Marinette’s room and she was rolling her eyes at him. Not that he blamed her, he didn’t buy his own excuses either. The room, as always, was cozy and Chat Noir noticed on Marinette’s computer monitor one of those ‘real fireplace’ YouTube videos.

“What’s your hurry Kitty?” She asked as she turned to look at him now that they were on the lower level of her bedroom.

“I… really should scurry?” He asked, not sure himself as Marinette started disrobing from her winter wear. Under her coat and scarf was a cute pink sweater that he suspected she had recently knitted for herself.

“Really?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Well,” and he lifted his mug. “Maybe just a half drink more?”

“I’ll go get you that,” she said to him as she takes his mug. “Mind getting us some music?”

Once Marinette disappeared down the stairs, because he really had a hard time keeping his eyes off her, he walked over to her computer to look for some seasonally appropriate songs. It was actually quite easy since Nino had three different holiday playlists online. Choosing ‘Auld Skool Xmas’ he sat back and waited for Marinette’s return.

“A mug of hot cocoa for the hero of Paris,” Marinette announced as she came back up to her room.

Chat Noir took the mug with a saucy wink before leaning back once more. “Do you ever worry about what your neighbors might say?”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “No one saw you come over, and honestly I would have been found out long before you started coming around my balcony, you stray cat. Besides, anyone that’s looking up is looking at all this snow, not at you handsome.”

It never failed, when Marinette called him handsome, or really just about any sort of complement, he felt his chest swell and his cheeks burn. Not that he wanted her to notice he was a blushing mess from such an off handed comment. It was best to play off the heat in his face. “What’s in this drink?”

“Hmmm?” Marinette tilted her head, then smirked. “Riiiight, the drink.” So much for her not noticing. “By the way, I looked outside while I was warming the milk. There wasn’t a car, a Uber, nothing on the road.”

“Still trying to get me to stay longer?” Chat Noir lifted an eyebrow looking down at her. She looked back at him. They seemed to stare into each other's eyes for eternity or maybe it was only an instant.

“You stubborn cat, just let go of your transformation, will you? I’m sure Plagg will be happy to snuggle up with Tikki and there’s plenty of cheese in the house.” Then just to tempt him more she reached over and started running her hands through his hair.

“You have bewitched me,” Chat Noir pretended to complained even as a soft purr started. Yeah, that wasn’t helping anything. “Plagg, Claws In.”

His kwami snickered but made no other comment as he flew off, probably to do as Marinette suggested. Adrien wasn’t even sure where Tikki was. Probably hiding somewhere in the room to stay warm. “If anyone says anything you forced me to stay.”

“Mmhm,” she uttered as she snuggled up next to him before taking a sip of her warm drink.

For a while it seemed Adrien was content enough to stay, but his worrying hadn’t completely abated yet. “I really should…”

“Come on, Adrien, it’s horrible out there,” Marinette sounded annoyed. She then snuggled into his arm. “It’s an honest to goodness blizzard out there! I simply have to insist you stay.”

He looked down at his girlfriend and knew she would do just about anything for him. “Why are you always so good to me? Welcoming me into your warm and happy home any time I need it.”

“Because I lucked out having a fantastic, if slightly self sacrificing, boyfriend?” She asked in response, bopping his nose with a finger.

“Nathalie will probably figure out where I am by dawn,” Adrien said as the last of his resistance dissolved. Especially with the way Marinette was looking at his lips. “Gorilla will probably be ordered here before noon. Waiting at the door.”

“Sure,” Marinette said, obviously not listening to his excuses as she reached up and kissed him. Mugs of mostly drank hot cocoa were quickly put to the side and they enjoyed kissing each other for a time. At least through the next four Christmas songs. Adrien wasn’t sure he minded missing another rendition of Rudolph.

“You know,” Adrien said, pausing for a yawning as they snuggled up together, one of his hands going up and down Marinette’s arm. “Chloé would have a fit if she could see us now.”

“Chloé would have a fit over a lot she doesn’t know about us,” Marinette reminded him as she pulled a blanket down off the back of her lounge.

Adrien had grabbed the candy cane that Marinette had stuck in his mug, holding it between his lips. He liked the minty taste as it cooled him even as the blanket and Marinette warmed him. Eventually his eyes started to feel heavy. It had been a long day and now he was warm and comfortable and… “I should really go home.”

“Not this again!” Marinette tried to sound annoyed but there was laughter in her tone.

“You could lend me a coat,” he suggested his eyes half closed.

“The snow is knee high Adrien. A coat wouldn’t be enough,” she told him, kissing his cheek.

“This is real nice,” he said slowly as he looked at her with sleepy eyes. Then he took her hand and kissed it. The blush Marinette sprouted was so cute he wanted to go back to kissing her again. But maybe in the morning. Oh, the morning! “Your parents are going to assume things in the morning.”

“Oh probably, but it’s better than you catching pneumonia out there. Besides my parents adore you and would agree with me that you were not to be let back out when you snuck over to visit.” Somehow she snuggled into him more.

“Yeah I suppose,” Adrien agreed as he put his arms around her, sighing in contentment. He didn’t mean to fall asleep, but in the morning he was woken to Mister and Misses Dupain-Cheng snickering and taking pictures of the two of them still on the lounge where they had fallen asleep.

There was indeed some good natured teasing by Marinette’s parents, but no more than that. His phone didn’t have any worried texts so he was able to send one to Nathalie informing her of his location. It seemed though the storm was so bad that his father’s assistant was working from home. It wasn’t said, but she did not bring up informing his father and as long as Gabriel wasn’t looking for his son, it seemed unlikely he would find out where Adrien had run off to pre-storm.

“Ready to admit I was right? That it’s a frightful storm out there?” Marinette asked as she started gathering their breakfast dishes once he put his phone away.

Marinette had been understanding of his need to text while they ate breakfast and Adrien had tried to not let it interrupt their meal too much. Standing, Adrien grabbed a dish towel to help with drying the dishes. It became his ‘chore’ when he stayed for a meal. It made Adrien feel like less of a guest. “Yes, you were right. Honestly I’m glad I get to be stuck here. Being home alone because of this weather, THAT would have been frightful. I will admit, looking outside the snow does look delightful.”

"I'm just glad neither of us have any place to go," Marinette said pointedly and Adrien nodded in agrement. There was no reason to disagree with her on that point.

They discussed going down into to the bakery to help her parents, after all the fire from the ovens made the whole place warm. When Marinette's father surprised them by coming up saying business was so slow he wasn’t going to do any more batches for the day, they settled for making it a movie marathon day. Sabine came up from the shop and made popcorn while Marinette took a turn manning the front of the shop. Adrien’s assistance, while not needed, was still welcomed.

By noon, they closed the bakery for the day and turned all the lights way down low.

“For all I care, let it snow,” Marinette said softly as she snuggled up to her boyfriend to watch It’s A Wonderful Life with him and her parents. Eventually he’d have to go home, but she’d make sure to let him know how welcomed he always was here and that the warmth here was his home too.

Yes Marinette loved her kitty so, so much.

(AO3)

#ml secret santa #my own work #chat noir #marichat #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #ml fanfiction #mlfanfiction #ml fanfic

114 notes · View notes

therarara · 6 years

Text

85 Truths Tag

Was tagged by the wonderful @mac-and-cheeseburgerqueen

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people. damn why is it 20 people I’m not social enough for this

So lets tag @moksurideonew @laboifriend @hyun-seong @minty-seong @4dalanfriend @different-or-weird @jianhyuk @mochiilover @eunrocky @bewitched-by-boyfriend @jjokwngs @kwangchu @shootfortheestrella @fightmelulu @biastalkscuzbiases that’s the best I could come up with. Ended up calling a handful of fellow BESTFRIENDS

last:

1. drink - coffee 2. phone call - my best friend 3. text message - lol again, my best friend 4. song you listened to - Z. Tao - Beggar ❤️ 5. time you cried - a few days ago because it was just one of those days

ever:

6. dated someone twice - lol haven’t even dated someone once 7. kissed someone and regretted it - never kissed someone 8. been cheated on - nah 9. lost someone special - sadly 10. been depressed - yeah probably, I just force myself to act like everything is fine 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - lol nah

fave colors:

12. all shades of blue 13. pastel pink 14. lavender

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - I would say yeah although I’m bad at keeping connected so idk if that counts (sorry guys) 16. fallen out of love - I don’t know if it was love but I fell out of it none the less 17. laughed until you cried - I can’t really recall. Rather than cry, I hiccup when I laugh too hard 18. found out someone was talking about you - can’t remember but if they did whatever 19. met someone who changed you - last year, no. In my lifetime yes 20. found out who your true friends are - yup don’t even get me started 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - nope never kissed anyone

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - pretty sure all of them, give or take a few relatives I’ve never met or don’t recall meeting 23. do you have any pets - yes; a pit bull-rottweiler mix named Potato (he looks like scooby-doo) 24. do you want to change your name - not really I just wish people could actually spell it sometimes 25. what did you do for your last birthday - It was on Easter so I just chilled with my family 26. what time did you wake up today - probably 7 or 8 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night - playing Superstar BTS lol 28. what is something you cant wait for - School to end 30. what are you listening to right now - Seventeen Seungkwan’s cover of Forsake from Idol Masked Singer 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - Yeah 32. something that’s getting on your nerves - how my brain functions 33. most visited website - Youtube and Tumblr 34. hair colour - black with blonde-ish brown highlights 35. long or short hair - long but I’m planning to cut it 36. do you have a crush on someone - it’s not really a crush more like infatuation or just interest 37. what do you like about yourself - my sense of style 38. want any piercings? - kind of want an industrial piercing but will most likely not go through with it 39. blood type - not a clue 40. nicknames - all my friends tried... none of them stuck. My name is not nickname friendly 41. relationship status - single college girl trying to get through life 42. zodiac - Aries 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - Sherlock, Kyoukai no Kanata I’ll just put those two because I would rewatch those hands down 45. tattoos - none 46. right or left handed - right handed 47. ever had surgery - no 48. piercings - just the basic ones on both ears 49. sport - lol no 50. vacation - Vietnam, Jamaica, Canada, Arizona, Las Vegas 51. trainers - If you are referring to sneakers, I have basic black high top converse

more general:

52. eating - nothing 53. drinking - water 54. i’m about to watch - the words on my book for a reading assignment 55. waiting for - the day I can feel happy with myself 56. want - to make it to summer without a mental break down or tears for whatever reason 57. get married - to the person who makes me happy and that I can make happy 58. career - want to be in publishing but low key want to be a writer

which is better:

59. hugs or kisses - hugs, they’re the most comforting 60. lips or eyes - eyes 61. shorter or taller - depends 62. older or younger - also depends 63. nice arms or stomach - lol I don’t really get it but arms? 64. hookup or relationship - relationship 65. troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the hesitant type but sometimes you need a little trouble in your life so both

have you ever:

66. kissed a stranger - nope 67. drank hard liquor - not properly 68. lost glasses - no but they have broken before 69. turned someone down - yes and it breaks my heart every time I think of it 70. sex on first date - never 71. broken someone’s heart - probably and I hate knowing that fact 72. had your heart broken - not really my walls are too high to let it hurt too much 73. been arrested - luckily no 74. cried when someone died - always 75. fallen for a friend - yup but I never told them so... single since birth ✌️

do you believe in:

76. yourself - trying to but honestly no 77. miracles - yes 78. love at first sight - it’s very rare but possible 79. santa claus - nah not since I was a kid 80. kiss on a first date - personally no but circumstances can lead to it 81. angels - yes

other:

82. best friend’s name - I don’t know it the home girl wants me to disclose her name but I’ll hint at it D*** 83. eye colour - not light light but light brown 84. fave movie - Rise of the Guardians, Disney’s Fantasia (1940), Disney in general,... there are more but that’s all at the top of my head 85. fave actor - Lee Jongsuk, Seo Kangjun, Jung Haein, Chris Evans, Benedict Cumberbatch, Octavia Spencer (I’m including her because she give me life)

#personal #85 truth tag #so easy being truthful to a screen #so hard to be truthful to a person #I'm a closed book

3 notes · View notes

silver-pond-of-light · 5 years

Text

Being Praskovia

The best setting for a love story is a peaceful/bustling evening city spot.

The best setting for a story on existence's futility is an early morning. The episode I am going to describe perfectly fits in the second setting, disappointing and puny in itself.

OK. I don't want any unnecessary escalations right in the beginning! There is in fact a certain kind of mornings that I enjoy - Saturday mornings. Throughout all of my January, February and some part of March I normally don't have anywhere too important to go to except for the shop to buy smth to my coffee. That's why each Saturday I wake up all revved up about all the idle hours stretching in front of me ;)

It started the same yesterday. I woke up at 5:39 (it seems to have become my habit now) and immediately started watching all the current affairs, educational programmes that I had been putting off during the whole working week. Having waded through all the usual stuff to watch, I opened my vk-chats and found something really extraordinary. My friend had sent me a link to the film both of us included in our to-watch lists looong ago. 'England Is Mine' (2017) by Mark Gill. The film, telling the story of Morrissey’s life before he met Johnny Marr and started their famous band The Smiths.

Obviously not the best biopic in the world, but the special allure about it, for me personally, is the central character, Morrissey, the future frontman of The Smiths, the band that had changed my life and encouranged my creative inclinations.

Morrissey, his passions and influences that I once revealed here http://www.passionsjustlikemine.com/influence.htm as well as in his interviews had one of the most massive impacts on my personality. I admired both his incredibly profound lyrics and everything that inspired them. 'Bedroom years' would be mentioned as a creative incubator for everything he created as a part of The Smiths or in his solo career. Being influenced by Morrissey's example, I would often seal myself off the outside world for weeks (sometimes for months) turning only to books, movies and music for comfort. That, of course, racked my senses to a dangerously harsh degree at times.

Come to think of it, much has changed in less than a year, and while I was watching the film yesterday I caught myself thinking that my own bedroom years seemed so distant to me. As a matter of fact, I was sometimes even happy that I was no longer concentrated on books and writing during last 6 months of my living in Krasnoyarsk and lecturing at the local uni, as all those attemps at originality would often leave me empty and alienated. I guess, that was the reason why I didn’t want to stay this kind of girl living only for a written word, for whom ‘people come second or possibly third’. At some moment of my past I’d finally got it that being Morrissey was not really cool.

I was still thinking about all these things, applying some huge efforts to concentrate on what was going on on the screen, when I realised that my mom was leaving for work. I was wearing headphones and so failed to recognize that she had been trying to attract my attention to her. Apparently, for quite a time :D What she had told me then, staying at the threshold of the room, changed my whole day.

Anyone who knows me is also aware of the fact that my mother is an extremely nice person. You can sense it straight away watching the way she laughs, uses her gestures or the way she smiles while thinking about smth. It takes just a fraction of a second to grasp her warm-hearted nature, void of offence. It is evident to whoever approaches her. And, well, she is often the one to be approached, especially by strangers! It has always made me wonder and laugh when strangers come to her asking for directions. Almost each time me go out together there is at least one person who would approach my mom, asking how to come from A to B. We have got used to it. But the day before yesterday my mom met a woman who had made some striking impression on her, and she couldn’t help sharing that.

My mom told me that she was walking home from the musical school on Surikova street she works at, when some woman suddenly approached her. As you might have already guessed, the woman wanted to know how to come to one department store in the city centre. My mom explained her how to get there and, what’s very typical of her, decided to accompany the woman. Soon she learnt the stranger’s name - Praskovia, or better say - Praskovia the Poet. The woman happened to be very easy-going and sincere. She appeared to be in her mid-forties. Her fragile appearance together with her modest height had obviously charmed my mother. She discovered that Praskovia used to be a literature teacher at one of the Krasnoyarsk’s schools. She told that she loved working with children, but lately she had been only engaged in writing poems. Having found such an appreciative audience, she shared some of them, which my mother would later describe as a true poetry, not just tasteless and trifling doggerels anyone can come up with.

At that moment of my mom’s story I had realised I had an urgent need to somehow hide my eyes or turn away, as I started feeling that tears were welling behind my eyes. I pretended not to be listening and glued my eyes to the screen. After noticing that, my mother told me there still was some milk for coffee in the fridge, three waffles and an apple on the table, wished me a nice day and left.

What followed was some enormous emotional whirl and deluge of tears which I couldn’t stop for about two hours. A response too bewitching and overflowing, you’d say. Reason? The simple fact that I am too far from being Praskovia at the moment. Oh, yes, it sounds all clumsy and awkward since the most instant association with this name is a song by Uma2Rman about a girl with the same name, cheated by some guy, and having to crucify her love and feeling for him to start over again. Even without knowing the stranger I’d been told about, I recognised her poetic soul. The one that I am afraid I am starting to lose (or have I lost it already?) This wouldn’t be a great deal unless I really cared about my writing ambitions. No. It’s not about being published, it’s just about being able to capture my feelings about the world and people out there, about music I listen to, books I read, films I watch. The thing is that in the course of these six months of my calm life in Krasnoyarsk (yes, calm, despite about 20 classes a week with my students, it is not the most challenging stuff I have ever been doing) I have somehow stopped discovering music, books and films, or these discoveries are too rare compared to what was happening in my previous life. It’s clear that I have never had much free time. Striving to live up to everyone’s expectations, I was spending my days on studies, all sorts of musical, theatrical education. What’s more, it wasn’t always that I didn’t have friends or boyfriends :D for whom I also managed to find proper time. Besides, each and every free minute was filled with books and writings. I am sensible enough to recognise that Zeitnot-issues have always been present in my life, but they never posed some daunting difficulties for me. Trying to recall when was the last time I wrote something personal, I could only come back to the journal’s note from November, 7th - my unofficial birthday, my usual 1-person party celebrating life’s changes. However, I don’t really remember when was this last time when I wrote or was able to analyse smth in a deep and eloquent way. Why has it all changed? Why have I suddenly lost resemblance with Praskovia the Poet?

Let’s face it, it’s mostly because of my current occupation entitled university professor. Sounds fancy. Makes wonderful impression on strangers. And deludes into thinking that you are cool enough to be trying harder. I could never believe that this sort of thing may happen to me. I was always delirious in my efforts to do my best in each and every subject, astonish everyone with my academic performance. Often at the expense of health or through some other sacrifices. I was never satisfied with myself and future prospects, and I had an yearning to improve that. Favours and respect I am enjoying at the time being at the university have probably dumbed aspiration to keep up with the best. With the best of me. I am showered with all the possible attention from my students (not all of them, but still), I am used to my function at the uni and have become comfortable with it, managing classes, checking tests and correcting essays and mistakes. The outcome has been certain blindness to the mistakes I make. Being fancy and ostensibly smart has eventually become such a familiar part of my routine that there is sometimes as much incentive to notice my intellectual and creative blind spots as there is to notice ubiquitous elements like clouds, trees or usual piles of handouts on my table :D

My reaction towards poetic genius of some stranger called Praskovia, this woman I am least likely to ever meet, exposed the trap I’ve fallen into. Deep in the cell of my heart I knew about that stranded intellectual position I inflicted upon my self with all the working hours, worthless ways of spending that little time I have. I thought, without books and my writings I would be better off. I wouldn’t need to stamp at my personal insecurities, dramas and problems while describing what’s happening to me. I decided to crucify my absorbtion with knowledge and everything intellectual, thinking that would be much better to leave out all such things, at least just to get some peace of mind. Which never happens all the same!;)

After I have learnt Praskovia, I can’t cling to such way of thinking anymore. Of course, I wouldn’t like to be as fragile and, perhaps, as helpless and lost as she seems to be. I know now, it’s impossible to solve life’s challenges at a wave of syllable. But what’s also clear to me is that I am too afraid of becoming a wordless girl. So, coming back to this Russian song I’ve mentioned above I am absolutely positive that I can crucify or supress any kind of love, but NOT the love for writing and it’s high time to return to everything I used to be before I’d got my current position ;)

P.S.

And if you must, go to work tomorrow Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t bother For there are brighter sides to life And I should know, because I’ve seen them (But not much often)

0 notes

bennet-darcy · 7 years

Note

do all of the asks if your up for it !

I’m putting this under a read more because wow, it got long.

Sunrises: What is something you are looking forward to?

I’m really, very excited to have my exams over with, and to have finished my first year of uni! My last exam is on the 30th, so I’ll be done soon, yay!

Also, once I’m done with exams, I’m going to be going home to California for a bit to visit family, which I’m very excited about! Then after that, I’ll be going to Colorado to see my friends and family there, which I am also very excited about!

Honeybees: What is something you have done recently that you are proud of? It can be anything at all, even just waking up every morning.

Since I’m getting ready to move back home to the US, I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my time here in the UK, and I feel really proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished in this amount of time. Moving to London, I had no connections. No friends or family here to make the transition easier. I was 5000 miles away from everyone I knew. The first few weeks living here were really rough, and I was constantly homesick, and fearful about the simplest things: going to get groceries, going to class, etc.

After about 2 months, though, I made some really great friends and developed great connections with lots of people at my uni, and a few from outside uni, as well. I feel really comfortable with living in London, and being on my own, and taking care of myself, now. It’s been a huge learning experience and I’m really very proud of myself for developing sort of a life for myself here.

Okay sorry for that novel, but yes. I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished in the past 9 months, living in London.

Roller skating: What are your hobbies?

Recently, I’ve been taking dance fitness classes that are really a lot of fun. I’ve been enjoying that, a lot. I sometimes take random walks throughout the city, and check out local landmarks. When I was living at home, I played the violin every once in a while, but I’ve been out of practice for so long at this point, I probably don’t know how to play anymore, tbh. I also enjoy reading and cooking/baking (but with cooking/baking, I have to be in the right Mood to enjoy it?) Yeah.

Stars: What are your favorite blogs?

http://www.johnwatsonblog.co.uk/

http://www.thescienceofdeduction.co.uk/

Poppy flowers: What are your favorite flowers?

This…. I can’t.. Please don’t do this to me. I have way too many favorites, I cannot choose. Some of my favorites in no particular order are: roses, peonies, tulips, daisies, lavender, sunflowers, and carnations

Lemonade: What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

!!!!!!!! warning: gay screaming ahead !!!!!!!!

Okay so. At this point, you all know that uh, I’m gay, and that Devan is incredible and so lovely and a very important person in my life.

So. For Valentine’s Day, she made me a video thing? It was a compilation of clips from movies/tv shows that, all held some significance to either me or her, or both of us. She included clips from Love Actually (which is a fave for both of us), Ghostbusters (the first movie we had gone to see together), Pride and Prejudice (my favorite movie in the world), Moulin Rouge (another movie that we had watched together), The Office (a show that we both enjoy) and Sherlock (because sherlock and john are gay and in love and lovely, also Devan and I sort of began talking with each other because of Sherlock so :’) )

But yes, that was probably one of the sweetest things that anyone has done for me. It was just !!!! so customized, and each clip had special significance, and I can tell she put a lot of thought into it, and I cried so much when she sent it to me, and it still makes me tear up when I watch it. Wow. Literally just. Wow. Have I mentioned that she’s incredible? Oh my gosh.

Okay, gay screaming over. Sorry for being a sappy mess.

Dogs: What do you look for in friends?

Usually it’s important to me that the other person and I have at least a few things in common with each other, such as a common interest. I think that’s what the majority of my friendships have been based on.

Other than that, it’s really nice when I find someone that has the same sense of humor as me.

Painting: If you could dye your hair any color, what would it be?

I’ve always thought pastel colored hair is soooo pretty and cool looking! Light purple and light pink hair, especially. But I feel like I really would Not be able to pull it off. So uh. I’ll stick with brown hair, thanks.

Smiles: What is the greatest compliment you have ever received? What is a compliment you wish someone would give you?

Okay so I don’t know if this is the greatest compliment I’ve ever received, but this is the one that’s most current and fresh in my mind, so I’ll share this one:

On Thursday, I went to my last class of the year, which was my “Counselling Psychology” class. My teacher for that class, Augusta, is my favorite teacher I’ve EVER had. I really admire her a lot, and she teaches really well, and just has a great personality.

Anyway, I was a bit early to class on Thursday morning, and it was just her and I in the classroom. So during this time, she says, “Amber, I just wanted to tell you, I’ve just finished grading all of the coursework for this class, and your presentation as well as your reflective essay were incredible. You’re very good in this subject, and I can tell that you’re passionate about it. I hope you continue to study psychology because I know you would do well in this field. You’re a very bright young lady.” AND I LITERALLY JUST ABOUT DIED! (And I low-key cried a little bit.)

I just !?!??!??! Coming from her, that meant SO much to me, because I admire her so much, so to hear that was just so meaningful and great.

Fairy lights: If someone wanted to get to know you, what should they read/watch/listen to?

Read Pride and Prejudice, watch Pride and Prejudice, and listen to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. jkgsjkghsjg. I’m (kind of) joking. Umm?? I don’t know. I think my “Top 25 Most Played” playlist on my itunes sums me up pretty well. It’s a mix of Classical music, Ed Sheeran, Phantom of the Opera, Enya, Christmas music, and Pride and Prejudice.

Dancing: Describe your dream date.

Fun fact (or, a rather depressing fact): I’ve actually never been on a proper date, so this is all brand new to me, and I’m basing this answer on theory, rather than previous experience.

But um. I feel like I’m pretty low maintenance, in this regard. Cuddling and watching movies with someone sounds ideal, honestly. Or just like. Taking a nap. fjksdhgkj. Other than that, like if we’re actually GOING somewhere, maybe like? A museum or art gallery? The aquarium, maybe? I don’t know jdgksghk. My lack of experience with this is really showing, oops.

Rainbows: What always makes you feel better when you’re sad?

I call my mom and tell her what’s going on, and she’s always able to help me feel better about basically anything. I love my momma.

I also like watching comedy movies/tv shows when I’m feeling sad. I’ve been watching a lot of Brooklyn 99 lately.

Beaches: If you could go anywhere in the world, right this moment, where would you go?

Right this moment? Nowhere. I’m comfortable in bed, and I don’t wanna move.

Cats: What do you like to do on lazy days?

Sleep in as late as possible, stay in pajamas all day, bake cookies/cupcakes, watch a movie. Something along those lines.

Sunflowers: What do you want other people to think of you?

Umm.. I hope others think of me as being a kind, trustworthy, caring person. That’s so cliche and cheesy, but that’s really what’s most important to me.

Laughter: List 5 things that make you happy.

Watching my favorite movie

Sleeping in late

Spending time with people I love

Eating my favorite food

Petting cats and dogs

Balloons: When do you feel most like yourself?

I really enjoy traveling. It’s a really exciting, fulfilling feeling to have the opportunity to travel to places I’ve not been before. I feel most like myself when I’m wandering around a new city/country, trying to understand the geography, the language, the culture, etc.

Daisies: What is your favorite quote?

“You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I’d scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.” - Mr. Darcy

Trees: Name one thing you have learned this past year that has made you a better person?

I have learned that my life and my decisions are not dependent on anyone else’s opinions or expectations. It’s up to me to create a life that I feel satisfied with, regardless of how it makes other people feel.

Polaroids: What is your favorite thing about yourself?

I’m a very dedicated person, and a very hard worker. I’m confident in my abilities to achieve the things that I want.

Sunsets: If you could paint the sky any colors, what would they be?

I love when the sky turns that pink/purple color during sunset! It’s so nice, and I wish it would stay that color forever.

#ask #about me #ask game #here u go anon here's all of the questions answered #i'm exhausted now i'm going to bed #this is much longer than i expected it to be #i'm sorry #long post

1 note · View note