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#what makes this funnier is that i’m asexual
violettelune · 6 months
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not to be tmi on the timeline
but i just feel if johnny dicked me down with his 9-inch cock rn maybe things would lighten up just a little bit for me <3
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rainydaydally · 10 months
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You’re like the light of my life
WARNINGS:
Dysphoria
Sexuality crisis
Insecurity
Crying/Kinda a mental breakdown
Jealousy
F-slur
Cartman is homophobic but in a joke way (hes gay)
Unsafe binding (I don’t think you are supposed to swim in a binder, but I’m not sure!)
The Broflovski family is staying in a hotel after camping, and Shiela and Gerald are napping in one bed, and Ike is napping in the other. Kyle, however, is laying next to Ike, wide awake. He takes his mind off of everything, starting to use pinterest on his phone. He gets bored pretty quickly, so he places it next to his head. As he stares at the white ceiling of the hotel, he starts to think. Think about way too much confusing things he cant help but focus on. He thinks about his sexuality, his friends, his looks- *especially* his looks. He sighs, fighting back tears as he grabs his headphones and phone and walks to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror, listening to Mac DeMarco, as he feels tears fall from his eyes. He cries and cries, and he moves to sit on the closed toilet lid, knees up to his chest, tears spilling uncontrollably. He takes his phone out to text his friend, Stan.
“Hey. Can you call?”
No reply. “He’s probably busy.” He thinks to himself, setting his phone down. He decides to call Cartman, which even though he hates him, he can still cheer him up with his blunt and annoying comments and jokes. Kyle tries opening up to him about his sexuality, which he has also been really confused about. Cartman just says “F*g.” which causes him and Kyle to burst into a silent laughter, making it funnier that he cant laugh, or he will wake his family. After Kyle angrily hangs up on Cartman after some dumb shit he was saying, he goes and sits against the wall, and continues crying. He wipes his nose and his eyes but the tears never seem to stop coming. He’s just so, so confused. One day he will think he’s AroAce, and the next day he will get butterflies when he sees a cute boy at a store. He feels like everyone around him is getting into stable relationships now, like Stan and Wendy. Oh how he wishes he had a relationship like them, they seem so perfect. Suddenly, his phone lights up. 
“Yeah.” 
It’s Stan. 
“Nevermind.” 
Kyle quickly replies back, he doesn’t want Stan to see him so hysterical.
“Oh, okay.”
“Can I tell you something??”
Kyle texts, instantly regretting his decision.
“Of course.” 
Stan replies. Kyle can almost hear the text in Stan’s voice, as if he was right next to him. Before Kyle knows it, he’s confessing deep, dark secrets to Stan over text. His fingers tapping the letters quickly.
“Okay, so this is stupid. But, I feel like everyone loves someone, or someone loves them. I know we are still young but im just so ugly and unwantable and I feel like I might be Aromantic Asexual, but I’m just so confused because I want a relationship. I really have never had someone have a crush on me because I’m so ugly and I’ve always been the ugly one too, and I feel like I’m nothing. Most of the guys are so handsome, and I really dont fit in compared to the rest of them. When we were on vacation at the beach I just felt so sick and insecure because you guys (not trying to be weird) looked really good in your bathing suits, but I just felt uncomfy and I just didnt fit in with you guys.”
“I can’t believe I just texted Stan that.” He thinks, and Stan seems to be taking hours to respond, even though it’s only been 5 seconds at the maximum.
“You are not ugly, I really don’t think you are ugly.”
Why did Kyle feel a feeling in his stomach when Stan had texted him that? Stan not only said he wasnt ugly, but he said HE really doesn’t think he is. 
“You definitely fit in. We don’t care what you look like. You think you are ugly, but no one is our friend group thinks you are ugly.”
Kyle smiles, “Except Cartman.” He thinks to himself. An other text appears.
“I’m sorry but what does aromantic asexual mean?”
Kyle knew this would happen. Most people don’t know what it means He tries to explain it, hoping Stan will understand what he’s trying to say.
“Thanks so much, Dude. Also, it means like you’re not attracted to anyone and dont wanna have sex with anyone basically. But I’m just not sure yet because I’ve never had a crush where the other person really liked me. I mean, I’ve dated people but it was mostly over text and facetime. We never hugged or kissed or anything. I’m probably just asexual, but sometimes I have a crush on someone and later it goes away.”
Kyle continues.
“And I’ve only kissed two people before, and I know thats two more than most people our age. I just feel really terrible for not feeling anything towards them. I mean, they were both girls, so I could be gay.”
Kyle desperately wants to tell Stan about his dysphoria, how his mother keeps telling him he looks just like her, and that he hates how feminine his body is getting. He does not say a word.
“You do have that rizz. I’ve never really talked to anybody in a romantic way before besides Wendy… and that hot sub we had in 3rd grade.”
“Dude! Gross! Also thanks. I just don’t know if I want it, I guess. I mean, your first kiss is supposed to be magical, but I felt nothing. I didn’t think I’d be kissing a girl in a pool bathroom who never even thought of me romantically.”
It was Bebe. Now she acts like nothing happened, but it did, and she knows it did. She is so perfect and pretty and smart, so why didn’t he like her?
“I wasted it. It sucked.”
“Wow. You never told me that before.” 
Stan replies. Kyle feels bad for not sharing it with him before, but it just never seemed appropriate. 
“Yeah. I’m still friends with her, and I don’t want to seem mean, but I really wasted my first kiss.”
“You know how in the movies their first kiss is like amazing magical stuff? Well, we are weird, crazy teenagers that go through stuff and things do not always go according to plan, and that’s ok. I know you will find a perfect kiss one day.”
Kyle really wants to just text Stan right then and there and tell him everything, that Stan sometimes gives him butterflies, and when the backs of their hands graze he feels his face heat up. He can’t tell him that, though, obviously. He doesn’t want to ruin Stan and Wendy’s relationship over a *maybe* crush.
“Dude, I don’t deserve you, I love you so much. You are way too kind and caring.”
“I love you too, bro.” 
Stan replies. Kyle feels a smile grow on his face.
“Also, I don’t mean to be nosy, but who was your first kiss?”
Kyle was really hoping Stan wouldn’t ask that. 
“She would get mad if I told you.”
Is all Kyle replies with.
“That’s okay.”
Kyle continues with his rant.
“I’m going through so much right now though. I hate being trans so much, I’m so jealous of everyone who isn’t tbh.”
“I’m sorry, I’m glad you are telling me so I can try my best to help you through it.”
Kyle sighs. How can Stan be so kind to him? Like he said before, he really doesn’t deserve to be best friends with such a sweet boy.
“I love you so much, you’re like the light of my life.”
Kyle jokes, smiling while thinking about hanging out with Stan. 
Suddenly, theres a loud knock at the door. “Kyle? Kyle, are you in there?” “Oh shit, it’s mom!” He thinks. “Yeah!” He replies, trying not to have his voice break from the crying that was happening before. “Kyle, we’re going to the pool soon. Ike and Dad already left. Do you want to come? I know you’re uncomfortable at the pool-” “I’ll go. Give me a second, though.” Kyle grumbles, sitting up and wiping his tears with the back of his hand. He would be looking foward to the pool- he really loves to swim- but lately he’s been so uncomfortable going, like his mom said. He hates going because he doesn’t know what to wear, and if he wears his binder with his trunks people give him such weird looks. He changes into the clothes nonetheless and steps outside the bathroom, arms crossing over his chest.
Shiela must have noticed he was insecure, because she went up to him and hugged him. “You are such a wonderful son, Kyle.” Kyle feels his stomach turn as he tries his best to hold back his tears, but they spill out again. Instead this time, he isn’t silent. His sobs are loud as he holds onto his mother. She lets go of the hug and walks him to sit on the edge of the bed together. “Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?” She asks. He shakes his head, wiping his tears. “Can we just stay like this for a while?” He asks. “Of course.”
AO3 Link: You’re like the light of my life
Wattpad Link: You’re like the light of my life
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acewhofellonmyface · 2 years
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Went to check out the Stranger Things fandom (specifically what people think of byler) on reddit. These people got me feeling like i’m gonna be murdered if I say anything good about byler.
It’s also funny to me the amount of people being like, ‘gay people didn’t exist in the 80s’ I can’t believe some people genuinely believe that. It’s hilarious. 
And the fact that Will is basically canonically gay in my mind makes it even funnier to me when I see people saying that he couldn’t possibly be gay. like, why not? Show me one sign in the entirety of that show that would even hint at this child being straight.
and another thing that pisses me off is all the people thinking that gay relationship = sex. by shipping a gay couple i am not sexualizing them. It’s the exact same as with a straight relationship. That also bothers me as both an asexual and an ace Will Byers truther.
Anyway, come back tomorrow if you want to see what happens when I brave twitter
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torturedblue · 9 months
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In honor of 5 years of ROTTMNT, I present: Things I would love to see in Rise season 3+ *inserts Fairly Odd Parents 'If I had one' meme*
Part one of a list of ideas the previous shows have done that I’d love to see their version of if we get any more seasons 🤞🏽 (Part 2)
The Pulverizer. Dude was hilarious in 2012 and to take it even further, the idea of Rise Donnie also having to be the one to deal with the guy honestly seems so funny. Hopefully their version would have a happier ending tho...
TigerClaw. Do I even need to explain? He's my favorite 2012 villain and honestly the coolest one and clearly the Rise guys would think so too with all their tiger quips lol. And it would be nice to have a really serious villain that’s also not Shredder/Kraang level dangerous but still more of a challenge for the turtles. Since Draxum joined the light side Big Mama’s really the only one left
Bebop and Rocksteady of course. 2012 and 2016 Bop & Rock are so funny I think they'd be even funnier in Rise considering it’s the funniest TMNT show
Spike. Rise Raph deserves a pet.
Usagi. Genuinely wondering how Rise would portray him—and with this Leo being so different than the 2003 and 2012 characters, if and how they might still become close friends. I’m now too much of a leosagi shipper fr, probably mainly because I just love their friendship in 2003, also I think bc he's always an adult in the 03 and 12 versions, plus they barley got to know each other in 12, so overall it’s just an idea that doesn’t really click with me. Not to mention l'm so damn asexual I think I just love to see such a good friendship satay that way. But considering how serious Usagi's character always is I'd like to see if they'd change that in Rise to match their style or keep him the same way. If he is more serious it’d be an interesting contrast to Rise Leo’s constant joking and silliness
A musical episode bc honestly come on they would've killed it. And they're all just too musical theatre to not indulge in it at least once. Especially the Broadway baby disaster twins
Dropping the "Rise of the" in the title since after the season 2 finale and movie they have officially… arisen. Since the whole point starting off was these turtles aren't as trained or shaped etc, now that they are it would be cool for them to officially become the TMNT again. Not to mention they finally said the name in the movie so it would really top it off
A cure for the ooze. Draxum presumably could make his own 'retromutagen' like in 2012 and it'd be interesting to see a plot where all these mutants around New York could actually get back to their normal lives if they wanted to. Especially since Draxum had his reformation arc he really should be undoing his mess lol.
A Raph and Donnie episode
A Raph and Mikey episode
Huh despite being leader and the oldest Raph really got the least amount of solo/duo episodes
How they met April bc we need the story around that. Gd we're just missing so much background context from the show getting cut short
How they found the lair. 2012's Lone Rat and Cubs was such an amazing episode and it was awesome seeing what it was like for them before finding a home. In 2003's first episode we also see them find their new permanent home, and having the same backstory for Rise Splinter and the boys could be so touching. Especially being on the run from Big Mama and Draxum. We caught that glimpse of him still in a Liu Jitsu costume as a rat and living in a box. I’d love to see between that point and whenever they moved in to their home. I also think it would be a good reminder of how much Splinter was really struggling both during childhood, while he was starring in those movie yet Sho was still trying to get him back into Hamato business, and then his time in captivity after
An explanation behind why Yoshi is called Splinter, we never got our explanation in Rise… or 2012 either now that I think about it. Even 2003's reason kind of felt like a stretch, even though it was a cute story behind Splinter's owner Yoshi losing his girlfriend. I can’t remember if Bayverse explained it and I haven’t seen the original show, but I think each version has had a different reason they give
Fungus Humongous. One of my favorite 2012 episodes that would be awesome translated to the Rise boys. We know Donnie's hallucinated fear could be beach balls and Mikey's would prob be the Gumbus or some kind of ghost. Raph's could be Mrs. Cuddles, although he did conquer that fear. I wonder what Leo's would be… I always found it interesting he didn't have any special fears like his bros. But there is something about Leo strikes me as the kind of guy who doesn't have those irrational fears or gets scared easily, so seeing an episode where they could give him an advantage could be cool. Although, since this would be after the movie he could see Kraang, or him losing his family, and his insecurities with leadership would definitely be a realistic factor. It'd probably work well as another Halloween episode
Bishop; I think in the movie the fact that female Kraang stayed back was going to introduce him. I think a lot of people know him more famously from 2012 show ofc, but my favorite use of him was definitely 2003. Dude was unhinged and a whole ass machine and seeing the Rise boys face off against him would be so cool. Not to mention he gave us the 2003 Rat King episode, another one of my favorites
Spirit Quest type episode. They have such cool mystic powers and ninpo abilities and seeing them meditate and experimenting with them would be so cool. Not to mention the costumesssss I mean how bad ass would they look in some of the 2012 get ups
Turtles in space and the Triceratons. I've recently seen by other Rise fans that the triceratons might be been hinted to from a shot in the movie with a triceratops skull in the Kraang’s ship and apparently were being worked on by the creators. 2003 and 2012 each did these plots in different ways so I wonder if Rise would approach it as a season long thing or maybe just a fun arc. Either way these guys were made to go to space and seeing them freak out over actually getting to be like Jupiter Jim would be awesome. And again, getting to see their space outfits!
What kinda stuff do y’all wanna see from future seasons from rottmnt?
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the-navistar-carol · 1 year
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here from zee's blog. don't worry about answering if its too personal, but how did you know you were ace? did the whole romance vs. sexual thing confuse you too? going through my own thing rn and idk how to articulate it but i feel like advice coming from a person that i know, in however limited of a scope, would help, as opposed to an informational post (they have been helpful too! its just not what im looking for rn).
Hey, anon! I have a funny story about how I realized I was ace, actually — and it’s funny because it’s completely ass backwards from anyone else. To TL;DR it, yes, romance vs sex confuses the shit out of me still. Like, how can someone look at someone else (even someone they don’t know) and be like “smash” ?????? How does it go further than aesthetic??? Than “oo pretty person! moving on” ?????
Content warning, I talk about boobs below the cut.
But the story of how I realized I was ace goes something like this.
I didn’t know that being LGBTQ+ was a thing until seventh grade. Like at all. Age twelve. Had never heard about people being gay. My parents are not homophobic, they are accepting of who I am, but for some reason -- LGBTQ+ things were never brought up in the house. But age twelve. That was the year I got a wider group of friends and also had wider internet access. What did I do with it, you may ask? Print memes off of Pinterest and carried them in a binder to show my friends. I am not joking.
But in this Pinterest rabbit hole, I discovered the glory of crossposted Tumblr textpost memes. Like old Tumblr memes. Having-the-old-format old. And alongside these memes like the dancing Spiderman and none pizza with left beef was some pretty profound shit. Like the ol’ “biggest gaudiest patronuses,” the “the day after i killed myself” poem, all that jazz. And in that category of profound was a bootlegged post about asexuality.
“Huh,” twelve-year-old me said, taking all of fifteen minutes to think about it. “That sounds pretty accurate!”
While I have not looked back since, it gets funnier every year that that is how I figured it out. Because for the first three years or so, I was carrying around the label with just the knowledge of what it was, not really thinking about it whatsoever despite it being as true as the color of the grass in California. (Brown.) It was only when I hit sophomore year or so that I actually began to realize hang on, I was actually on to something here and that there was actually — shocker — a lot more about me that fit with the ace label. I got bored when making out with an ex. I got BORED. MAKING OUT. That was the funniest one.
To TL;DR that — I never had the feeling of “oh no I’m broken, I don’t feel this emotion” because I slapped the label on myself and then discovered I actually fit into it after the fact. I’m probably not the best person to ask “hey how did you know you were ace” because I discovered more about being ace after already labeling myself as such. But I did write a research paper on asexuality, if someone ever wants to read that for some reason.
…..i did not answer your question.
About the romance versus sex thing: it absolutely still confuses me. Tinder is a huge confuser. Why. Why the hell. Hookups. Why. Why the hell. Is it not enough to listen to someone ramble about something they're passionate about? Love is stored in the infodumps.
My last ex was not ace, I have not dated someone ace because finding ace men is actually quite hard. But there was a point near the end of our relationship when he wanted to see my boobs (like with a bra on, not nude from the waist up). I got nothing out of it, but shrugged and went “sure” because,,,, ehh???? It’s just,,,,,, boobs? They sure as hell don’t make me horny, so I had no problem temporarily showing off things that didn’t affect me lmfao
People, to me, are like paintings and dogs. They’re like paintings in the sense that I can stop and admire someone, even for a while, but I’ll eventually walk away. They’re like dogs in the sense that I want to cuddle and hold hands and do soft things with them, but I wouldn’t fuck a dog, to put it crudely. Also, I get tired of hanging out with people after a while, but that’s also because I’m autistic and a whole other can of worms.
Hope this helped?
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tolerateit · 1 year
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What makes this even funnier for me is that I’M ASEXUAL. I’m fucking ASEXUAL and they brought everything to this episode. I just…😂
SCREAMSKSJSNNS Joyce brings a new energy to the set we love to see it
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Welcome, to, not a Tintin review, but since I’ve done half of the Tintin books, I wanted to do a retrospective, of sorts, cover my process for writing these, and talk about what’s next after Tintin
Also, this is going to be way more informal, so expect sloppy punctuation, and grammar
A retrospective, of sorts
I came up with the idea of reviewing all of Tintin somehow, I don’t remember exactly, I was having trouble coming up with a post each week, and 24 posts with no trouble working out what to post, that sounded fun
So, I grabbed my copy of TITLOTS (an acronym which here means “Tintin in the land of the Soviets”, and got writing
Do I regret starting this series?
Maybe, it takes up a large chunk of time writing, but I do enjoy it, and it’s better than scrounging for ideas every week
My process for writing these
So, I’ve had two different systems for these, originally, it was going directly through the book, in linear order, and making jokes and observations as I went
With that system, I did 15 pages worth of Tintin a day, or roughly 1/4 of a Tintin book
Then, as the books started to have character depth, complexity, and even plot, I moved to a system of headings, which I would do 2 of a day, with the wildcard of plotline, which, to quote my blank format, “counts as 3 because is chonky”
I somewhat prefer this one, but I might drop the fixed list of headings all-together, and made a set of headings for each topics I want to cover in a set book (with a few fixed ones like plot of course)
The writing itself, I do around 2 am, in bed, on a iPad, after writing my >500 words journal entry for the day, also on that iPad, which I then email to myself, and stick it together in Obsidan, both the journal, and the review, and then properly edit in CLion, a professional-grade C/C++ IDE (the review, not the journal)
Don’t worry, I use a Magic Keyboard, I don’t just type on the onscreen keyboard, that would be suffering
What’s next after Tintin
So, I’ve got other stuff I want to review
First and foremost, Blake & Mortimer, another Belgian ligne claire series, that’s still going as it happens, think Tintin, but mature, and sci-fi, and British, but the author’s not British, just the titular characters
Also, one of them contains a racial slur, and somehow does it in a tasteful way
Other than that, I want to give reviewing music a try, mainly as I think doing one post/song is a lot more compatible with short posts, which are more Tumblr-friendly
Let’s be honest, there’s basically no market for 2500 word reviews like I produce, which is why these get zero notes, almost every time, but like 200 word quick and funny reviews of songs, that’s a lot easier to consume, and casually like/reblog/comment/tag/whateveryoutumblrwith, without any real time investment
I’ve got a few ideas, I’m aspec, a phrase here meaning I’m on the asexual (and aromantic) spectrum(s), demi(sexual|romantic) to be precise, so I’d like to try my hand at some love songs, for the irony, because that's my grade of humour
I considered Beatles, but, due to my mother, I unironically have their entire discography on my monolith of a playlist, and really enjoy some of their songs
Then, songs I genuinely enjoy, but I don’t have much funny to say about them, can’t exactly crack jokes at a song about not-veiled-in-the-slightest murder, can I? And making jokes at comedy music doesn’t really work, as well, or maybe it would
This isn’t at all planned by the way, or edited, this is the kind of ramble in the reviews until I clean them up, and what my journal looks like
I might consider suggestions, but who’d I get to suggest them, I don’t think anyone reads these (if you do, asks are open, please give me your suggestions)
Now, do I just go song-by-song, or a whole album? Of course, it’s going to be one song per post, as that’s funnier
I considered the Simpsons at one point, until realising it’d take over a decade to do all of them at one episode/week
That would be a stupid amount of my life to spend reviewing Simpsons
And one season/week wouldn’t be a working workflow
Concluding and wrapping up things with finishing statements and the like
Right, that’s all I’ve got to say, there will be another review, after this one, in order, as I've been doing for 12 books
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libertyreads · 1 year
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Book Review #12 of 2023--
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The Mistake by Elle Kennedy. Rating: 3 stars.
Read from January 22nd to 24th.
Let’s just check and see how I’m doing with my goals for the year...Oh, yeah, failing spectacularly already. Great job on slowing down the reading, self. However, I feel like I kind of have a defense for this one? I was suffering through The Foreign Exchange at the end of last week and I kept promising myself that if I could just push through it then I would reward myself with a light, easy, mindless read. Hence another Elle Kennedy hockey romance. Looking at my numbers from last January, I’ve actually read more by this time this year than I did this time last year. And yet I’ve already read more pages at this point than I did in all of January last year. I’m just spectacularly failing. But what’s odd is I’m not stressing out about reading. I’m just reading what I want when I want and it feels so much better than reading last year did. But you probably want to know my thoughts about this one and not my inability to stick to resolutions.
I thought this one was pretty similar to other Elle Kennedy books I’ve read in the past. This is the third book I’ve read taking place at Briar University with a member of the hockey team and someone else. And I know the ‘world’ and the setting and all of that fun stuff. So, it was easy enough to get into. I also actually enjoy Elle Kennedy’s sex scenes which is rare for me for a couple of reasons. 1) I’m asexual so a lot of the over the top sex stuff just makes me feel weird. Or even just people having insta-lust is weird. 2) Most sex scenes are all about making it as hot as possible and not realistic. I love seeing the characters be silly or goofy or whatever while they’re having sex. Sex is supposed to be fun and if you can’t laugh while having sex then you’re having sex with the wrong person. And while this author’s sex scenes definitely have lighter/funnier moments they still tend to be pretty hot. Which is a great balance. I also find most of her characters to be pretty well rounded. Everyone has their motivations, their struggles, things they’re good at. I also loved seeing in this one John Logan struggle with what he has to do versus what he wants to do. I liked this duality between what he knows he needs to do to help support his family versus what he knows he wants to do because it will make him so happy.
But my main struggle with this one seems to be a similar one to the one I had in book one of this series. I reread the review for it and it has a lot of the same issues. It felt like there were too many things happening in the story and they were never given a chance to breathe. I get that life is messy and complicated, but it made for a story that felt a little sloppy sometimes. As a hockey fan, I also didn’t love how little hockey there was in this one. I can kind of forgive the characters for rooting for the Boston Bruins (*struggles not to vomit*) since Briar University is set somewhat close to the city. But showing so little hockey in a hockey rom-com? Unbelievable. Though I have noticed that I also complain when hockey is portrayed and it isn’t done well enough. So, maybe I’ll just never be happy with sports romances. Just kidding. Either way, I enjoy the time I spend reading Elle Kennedy’s romances and I’ll probably pick up another one at some point.
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nightcolorz · 3 years
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Poorly describing my versions of the Gotham rogues:
Joker: “yolo” in its most dangerous form, def is writing a slow burn enemies to loves fic about him and Batman. Gay and homophobic 💯 The other rogues don’t invite him to pride celebrations anymore cause he’ll keep calling people slurs “as a joke”. Him and Edward have longterm beef, like schoolgirl levels of petty drama.
Harley Quinn: would describe herself as a “girlboss” unironically while committing heinous crimes. tweeted “clowns aren’t funny” after breaking up with Joker (ended up causing a huge scandal). The OG “I can fix him” girl. Is sort of the rogues free underground therapist (god knows they need it) cause they can’t get professional help without being sent to Arkham.
Poison Ivy: Breaking News: Cottagecore lesbian commits mass murder cause her plant wilted. She’s what republicans think environmentalists are. Would get in a fist fight with that vegan teacher cause “plants have feelings too”. Has beef with most of the male rogues, supports ‘kill all men’ without realizing it’s a joke (she prefers ‘kill all humans’ but figured she had to downgrade because the Gotham city sirens are humans technically).
Cat Woman: “OH NO! It appears I’ve gotten stuck backwards in the bank vault step-Bat 😏😏😏😏😏😏, looks like I’m not stealing any more diamonds today 😰😩”. Mad respect for Selina, she just wants diamonds and bat dick, no tragic backstory or complex motivations needed. I personally like to headcanon her as wearing a straight up cat costume (ears and a tail like a true furry) cause it’s way funnier to imagine a sophisticated rich woman dressing up as a cat to steal shit than whatever bullshit DCs up to these days. Trans catgirl supremacy 💎👍
Scarecrow: That one guy who gets angry at people because “Halloween costumes are meant to be scary 🤬😡😑😒”. Doesn’t even attempt to express emotions, is the human embodiement of this emoji: 😐. His presence is more jarring than threatening, his intimidation levels are somehow underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time. The other rogues have collectively decided that he’s asexual under no assumption other than that they don’t want to imagine Jonathan having sex. Overtime Jonathan has become basically fearless (he smokes his own fear gas like vape just to feel something). Jonathan and Harley became good friends when they both worked in Arkham, their dynamic is surprisingly wholesome.
The Riddler: Didn’t get hugged enough as a child and is now making it everyone’s problem. Would hold a bank hostage to show Batman his third grade spelling bee medal. Is the only autistic rogue that gets accommodations in Arkham because he won’t stop bugging the guards. FTM trans ofc (his names Edward Nygma for Christ's sake). He ran away from home at seventeen and faked his own death (his deadname is legally dead lmao). Uses the terms “alpha, beta, and omega male” unironically.
Two Face: “Yeah, I mean, I didn’t wanna blow up the orphanage either, but Y’know the coin said-” The other rogues talk to Harvey as if he’s constantly at his breaking point, which is half true. Harv is a stone cold mf, he’s the rock that’s holding Two Face together tbh. Edward calls Harvey and Harv Jekyll and Hyde cause he’s that original. All the rogues have at least a sneaking suspicion that Bruce Wayne is batman and use Harvey as their little primary source (being ex besties and everything), until they find out Selina and Bruce are a thing of course. No matter how much evidence he’s faced with Harvey will never accept Bruce Wayne is batmam, he’s not ready to consider that one of the only positive people in his life has been duking it out with him this whole time.
Penguin: He’s the rest of the rogues chill gay gangster uncle I don’t make the rules. The iceberg lounge is like the Batman villain equivalent of The Central Perk from friends (aka: its their default place to hangout). Oswald always makes a fuss about them not making reservations ahead of them but at this point it’s just performative. Everyone’s 99% sure Oswald and Edward fucked at some point (Edward always makes a show of flustering Oswald when he needs a loan). Ossie always takes care of the others belongings when they’re in Arkham (he has a special place in his heart for Jonathan‘s crows).
The Mad Hatter: I love Jervis lmao he just really likes Alice in Wonderland and that’s a valid ass villain motivation 👍. One of the smartest rogues but doesn’t get enough credit because of how childish he is. He dresses in kids clothes, not just because he wants to but because he’s small af and can’t fit in shit. In public while the rogues are undercover Jervis usually wears a beanie or a baseball cap (he’d get spotted instantly if he wore his usual, but on bad days Jervis can’t bear to be without a hat). Jonathan and Jervis play chess a lot together in Arkham, and frequently engage in intellectual discussion, Edward tends to be a piss baby when Jon encourages him to do the same, he’s not ready to accept the reality that Jervis can match his intelligence.
Killer Croc: Waylon has a surprising amount in common with Jonathan, they share southern solidarity. He doesn’t travel out of the sewer often so the rogues will occasionally come to visit Waylon there (Edward always makes sure to complain loudly about the smell). Will show immense affection and loyalty to anyone who treats him as human (poor guy just needs a friend ☹️).
Mr Freeze: Literally just dead inside, someone give this poor bastard a hug. Victor stands as the most awkward rogue, he‘s sorta like the odd one out. The other rogues don’t interact with him that often because he’s sort of a party pooper. He’s the straight friend on thin ice, haha get it. Mr Freeze is my sisters favorite Batman villain because she thought the ice puns were funny in Batman in Robin, little does she know I’m embarrassing myself on tumblr in her glory.
Music Meister: So many of the Gotham rogues have horrible childhood trauma and Music Meister is just like “people bullied me for being a theater kid 😩😭💔😔”. In all honesty he’s iconic, in my au universe thingy I have him join the dork squad latter on and he sticks out like a sore thumb for a bit. I feel like him and Jervis would really hit it off though (mind control buddies, ha), although Jervis would always get him to sing Alice in Wonderland songs. In Arkham they have him wear a dog collar thingy and zap him when he sings, he gets bullied for that lol. anyways I’m sure I could make more of these, but it’s 2:20 am and my mind went blank. If y’all liked this I could always put more au headcanons out (I have A LOT)
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Season 4, Episode 6: An Extremely Chaotic and Incoherent Review
My favorite episode!!! GET READY FOR HEAD FULL MANY THOUGHTS
The Good:
"Kicks Get Chicks" *is the gayest episode in the entire season* Kicks get DICKS more like
"Sure, we're good for the occasional inspirational moment, but we're not exactly center mat material" HA, love that this fucker is self aware
He knows he's the Comic Relief Guy and he embraces it fully
"He who shall not be named" absolutely LOVE how Demetri just fucking despises Robby now but is trying to be lowkey about it so as not to stir the pot
If he could I'm pretty sure Demetri would pummel this man six ways to Sunday
Once again reminding everyone that Robby paralyzed and nearly killed Demetri's best friend, betrayed his and Demetri's dojo, and then held down and forcefully shaved Demetri's other best friend
Yeah he wants to like...murder Robby at this point honestly
I can't blame him, either--if someone fucked over my bestie, my dojo, AND my crush??? I would indeed be out for blood, yes
The way Demetri looks CRUSHED when Daniel's like "I know you're missing your friends but we have to put the past behind us" :( :( :(
He just wants his boyfriend back god bless
Wow no wonder Tory's fucked up, with an aunt like THAT
GOOD LORD
This season is kinda making me love Tory, I'll admit
I never thought I'd see the day but here we are
SIAHDZUIYVDX JOHNNY TRAINING IN A PLACE WITH BLACK MOLD
Could this man BE any more delightfully unhinged
Johnny Lawrence's dojo marketing will never NOT be hysterical
"Smack-dab between the pipe supply and the burned-down Chuck E. Cheese" SIR
"I'm asexual" WELL at least we exist on television, right???
I guess this is the queer rep we get for Season 4, RIP
YOOOOO IT'S MY GIRL MOON
"I can't do the whole physical aggression thing" Remind me again why she and ELI FREAKING MOSKOWITZ are meant to be compatible at all??? Literally what even would they talk about??? Well REGARDLESS, can't help but admire her staunch determination to be a pacifist in a high school singlehandedly spearheading the local karate wars
"She's the best athlete in school and she's not afraid to get into a fight" Okay don't get me wrong, I'm still seething over Moon and Piper breaking up, BUT I do find it absolutely HYSTERICAL that Moon apparently has a type
Even funnier that Yasmine lowkey fits her type too, which is apparently mean, cocky bitches who don't take shit from anyone
Oh SHIT, Sam catching Amanda talking to Tory??? This boutta get JUICY
OKAY HERE WE GO HERE WE GO
BASEMENT SCENE LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO
I've got a lot to say here but I'll try to organize my thoughts somewhat
FIRST OF ALL, I am absolutely delighted that my headcanon that these two have been friends since kindergarten and can easily let themselves into each other's houses is correct!!!
Also Demetri's gay ass is obsessed--I have a lot of long-time childhood friends, and I don't have the location of their spare house keys memorized XD
"You should really think about increasing your security given, you know, THE KARATE WAR???" Not Demetri still being the most overprotective goddamn boyfriend I've ever SEEN
He gets pissy at his friends whenever they do (or suggest) something dangerous that could get them hurt, and it's kind of hilarious but also adorable
He cares so much but has like 0 tact in showing it, bless his soul
The overprotective pissiness is turned up to eleven with Eli though, which is pretty gay
I knew so many dudes in high school who were obsessed with and idolized Batman to a weird extent so like
A very confident "YOU'RE BATMAN!!!" from a guy who seems to be one of those Batman-obsessed boys is uh
Basically a love confession
"Oh, I forget, you're not a DC guy" losing my MIND, I can't believe absolute edgelord Eli Moskowitz isn't into the kind of dark, gritty shit DC is constantly putting out XD
Plot twist of the century honestly
"Forget Batman, you're The Hawk!!!" Hey um check and fucking MATE, haters who threw shade at Demetri for being a bad friend because he never fully accepted the "Hawk" persona
He wouldn't use that as a means of trying to build back Eli's confidence if he hadn't learned to embrace "Hawk" at least somewhat????
And like even if he's still not the biggest fan of "Hawk," he thinks talking about that is what'll make Eli happy and help cheer him up and feel better about himself
He just wants Eli to be his best, happiest self ;__;
"I just proved I was an asshole. To Moon, to Miguel...especially you." Gonna point out that he listed what I think are the 3 most important people to him and he emphasized Demetri
THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HIM AFTER HE SAYS THAT OH GOD THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HIM
And I could swear his voice cracks a little, like he's legit getting choked up just thinking about all the fuckery he subjected Dem to
This dude still has so much guilt festering in him about what he did to Demetri, fucker loves Demetri so much ;_;
"I forgave you, remember?" Dem of course we remember you giving in to Eli's puppy dog eyes in all of 2 seconds because you're deeply in love with him
OPE my homebody Demetri literally says he doesn't give a fuck how Eli does his hair, he still thinks he's the shit regardless
Sorry "Demetri only accepts Eli and not Hawk" truthers, y'all are wrong again
He loves all versions of Eli Moskowitz, he just doesn't want him to be an asshole actually
Which seems reasonable to me
Tfw when you say "Miyagi-Do needs you" but what you really mean is "I need you"
Gay gay homosexual gay
Okay I read some steaming hot takes about Demetri coming to emotionally blackmail Eli to join Miyagi Do or whatever, but...no??? The dude is clearly just panicking and venting and also has no filter at all when he's stressed
Like everything here just seems like panicked word vomit to me, he doesn't seem nearly controlled enough to come in with some devious plan to trick Eli into joining his dojo :/
The whole ramble when Demetri first comes down into the basement reads like he's having an anxiety attack tbh
Can't really blame him, since he's dealing with the stress of worrying Cobra Kai is gonna wipe the floor with him AND his recently-traumatized best friend going totally fucking AWOL
And Demetri seems like the type who snaps and lashes out when he's worried and/or stressed, and like I said, that could account for the absolute lack of any filter he has here
Hence "WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK??? IT'LL GROW BACK!" Certainly not the most tactful thing to say, but Demetri is way too anxious to think before he blabs, it seems
Ah, so it's the "That's just great, you're choosing Eagle Fang over your best friend" line that everyone's getting hot and bothered about
Honestly I chock this one up to anxiety-induced word vomit, too...like Demetri is kinda just rambling and speaking his mind and his panicky thoughts are going BRRRRRRR so fast that he's definitely not stopping to consider if he's coming across as an ass
And anyways, like...considering Johnny DID help mold Eli into a dude who fully embraced toxic masculinity and bullied the shit out of Demetri, I...don't think it's that unreasonable for him to have reservations about Eli going back to Eagle Fang :/ Like I don't blame him for not wanting Eli to go back to a situation that brought out some of the worst in him
And also like??? Eli fucken dragged Demetri through the ringer and Demetri only just got Eli back in his life a few months ago, of course he would panic if he thought Eli was gonna leave him behind again!
And maybe even lash out and be a bit of a dick, cuz ya know. Homeboy's not perfect
So Eli saying "I'm not going BACK to Miyagi-Do" instead of "I'm not JOINING Miyagi-Do" implies they've discussed Eli joining MD before. I do feel like this needs to be its own scene to clarify, but it's still important to note
So no, he's not tryna guilt trip Eli into joining MD out of nowhere, he's following up on something he and Eli seem to have previously talked about
The "OH SHIT" look on Demetri's face when Eli says he quits KILLS me. Like that's his wakeup call that oh fuck, this is THAT serious and he looks absolutely horrified that Eli has hit rock bottom so hard he's resorted to quitting that has essentially become his favorite thing in the world ;___;
"Yes I will be awake" "NO SENSEI BE WOKE" Johnny Lawrence you are literally always going to make me just lose it
"What about nonbinary and genderfluid?" "Yes fluids are CRUCIAL, if you don't hydrate, it affects performance" He a little confused, but he got the spirit!!!
Also headcanon that Moon is genderfluid but isn't publicly out yet--Piper was one of the only people Moon came out to
Hence why Piper is so quick to make sure Johnny is including genderfluid people! You dun best believe she’ll still defend her ex-girlfriend’s honor
My main reasoning here is that Moon is the most transgender name I have ever heard in my entire life
Highkey love seeing Miguel and Johnny's relationship at its best again. I missed them so much!!!
Honestly good on Sam for standing up for herself!!! She's highkey right that her parents haven't really been listening to her or trying to properly address her trauma
Like for FUCK'S sake, the girl has PTSD!!! Put her in therapy!!!
Oh HELL yes, Amanda backstory!!! Let's fuckin GOOOO!!!
Oh shit, she got arrested??? PLOT TWIST OF THE CENTURY
I mean given that she married someone as chaotic and hotheaded as Daniel this shouldn't actually come as a surprise but STILL
Oh damn, I was wrong!!! I thought Amanda took pity on Tory because she saw some of young Daniel in her, but she actually sees a lot of her younger self in her ;___; Okay okay okay okay I need a minute
Lowkey they're right that "bad kids" just get told the same thing over and over and it's never gonna help course-correct
"She's not the only one who needs a wake-up call" *cuts to Eli in a depressive funk fully believing he can never do karate again* CIMENA
"You put me in a situation where I had to join the dojo" this is probably the kindest possible way to put it, considering said "situation" was "threatening me and then attempting to beat me up over a Yelp review" XD
Ah, so I see Demetri has regained some semblance of tact! Guess the worst of the anxiety attack finally passed, now that he's had the chance to take in that Eli is in fact safe (if having quite the Sadboi Hours) and not kidnapped and beat up by Kyler and co.
Uhhhhh not Demetri telling Eli that him getting Dem into Eli's special interest was the best thing that ever happened to him
Like you telling anyone that them getting you into something they liked is the best thing that ever happened to you is just so Extra and over-the-top that it's extremely difficult not to read as romantic because like
I've had a lot of friends get me into stuff over the years, and I never looked them dead in the eye like "YOU INTRODUCING ME TO THIS THING WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME"
Anyways tl;dr Demetri is in love
Duh
ALSO Eli's wide-eyed, pleasantly surprised look when Dem says karate is the best thing that ever happened to him, MY HEART
Oh god oh why oh no Eli looks SO FUCKING SAD when Demetri starts talking about Yasmine
Thanks I hate it
I know that look, that's the EXACT expression I make when my crush starts talking about their crush
*Bart Simpson voice* "You can pinpoint the exact moment his heart rips in half!"
"It's not gonna be as exciting if you're not there" I stg this fucker Demetri just sees the world through this sad, destitute, mopey lens when Eli isn't around and then Eli shows up and suddenly everyone upped the color saturation by like 500% and everything is all vibrant and fantastic
Again, this dude is in love
Also the way he looks at Eli when he says it, MY GOD
YOOO THERE WE FUCKIN GO THERE'S THAT SHOULDER SQUEEZE
"Scuse me" *Eli proceeds to have 0 issues with Demetri getting all up in his personal space and practically cuddling with him* Yeah, these dudes are GAY
Like Demetri is LEANING on this man like a giant cat and Eli is just like "I have no problem with this"
"I say a lot of things" God you sure do
THERE'S THE SQUEEZE THERE'S THE SQUEEZE THERE'S THE PRECIOUS SHOULDER SQUEEZE
I'm going feral actually
You tellin me this dumb video has 15k views??? I'm betting this is a viral meme in certain niche circles
And there's definitely some YouTube community who ships them
THESE IDIOTS CAN'T SING
Also are you telling me Demetri made his codename "zer0" and Eli's codename "the 1" and he's NOT in love with Eli???? Uh HUH
Like it's the perfect manifestation of Demetri's cripplingly low self-esteem (wouldn't be surprised if the dude really did consider himself a "zero" of sorts) and him fully indeed believing Eli is in fact The One (romantic)
And he's right!
Also can we appreciate just how INTO IT Eli is getting in the video??? Like this dude has literally always had a hammy, overdramatic side, it's just that prior to them meeting Miguel, Demetri was the only person who could bring it out ;__;
Absolutely HYSTERICAL that Eli is still so deeply and personally offended at the mere idea of being a "loser" XD
The utter HORROR on his face when he says it, I can't with him
"Because this is who you are" "A loser?" "My BEST FRIEND" *sobs*
Also I'm very certain that Demetri could potentially have made other friends and wasn't actually "stuck" with Eli before Miguel showed up, but he just straight up never wanted anyone but Eli as his best friend
"I know you think that mohawk defined who you are, but it didn't. Not to me. Eli, Hawk, hell, call yourself Cornelius for all I care. None of that changes the fact that you're my Binary Brother." ONCE AGAIN CHECK-MATING YOU FUCKERS WHO THOUGHT DEMETRI NEVER ACCEPTED THE HAWK PERSONA AND ONLY WANTS TIMID SADBOI ELI
He LITERALLY just said "I don't give a shit what you go by or how you wear your hair, nothing can ever change what you mean to me"
ALSO "Eli, Hawk, hell, call yourself Cornelius for all I care." basically confirms that Demetri would be down to call Eli Hawk if that's what he really wanted!!! And the hopeful look Eli gives Dem when he says "Hawk"!!!! Like I think this is the first time Eli truly realizes that Demetri fully accepts him no matter what he goes by and how he chooses to present himself and he's so euphoric about it and I think that's beautiful
Also they deadass did the "I'll take care of you." "It's rotten work." "Not to me. Not if it's you." convo with Demetri and Eli I am SCREAMING
Also ALSO my headcanon is that Demetri actually started calling Eli Cornelius as a joke and then it turned into a legitimate pet name when they started dating
"Whether you're number one...or zero" My homeboy Demetri really just said "I will take you at your best AND your worst" in Nerd
The way he looks at Eli during this entire exchange kills me, this man is so in love I'm getting secondhand pining just from looking at his big sad eyes
Actually kind of loved the Daniel-Robby interaction here because like. Daniel isn't trying to make excuses for Robby here or be like "it's okay, I know you still have a good heart!!!" Like he's done trying to be a "savior" guy and he's basically saying "do what you want, it's your life" but at the same time, he still cares enough to give Robby a warning
"I heard what you did to Eli" (threatening)
Hell yeah, Scary Daniel has entered the chat! EXCEPT
"I'm not here to judge you." Okay, well I am. Get over here Robby, I'm going to beat your ass
OH HELL FUCKING YES, AISHA ROBINSON MY LOVE
I know she's only going to be here for like 2 minutes but her presence fills me with an overpowering calmness and serenity that somehow convinces me that everything will be all right
"I broke a kid's nose" Legit forgot what an incredibly badass queen this woman is. I stan
Okay I've seen some people complaining that the writers seemed to forget that Tory and Aisha were friends too BUT I raise you that after Tory tried to basically murder Sam in the school fight I feel like it's not that whack to think Aisha would side with Sam
Like Tory went after Aisha's childhood best friend with lethal-seeming intent TWICE, it's not all that unreasonable to assume Aisha would cut ties with Tory after that
"But Tory was a better friend to Aisha!!!" Okay but Aisha and Tory were friends for like...a couple months at most, and Sam and Aisha had been friends for years and just happened to be going through a rough patch when Cobra Kai came to town. I feel like a few months of on-and-off falling out aren't really enough to cancel out a lifelong friendship, or make you suddenly not be concerned about your estranged friend's actual safety. Or side with the girl relentlessly attacking said estranged friend.
Like this coming from someone who does indeed enjoy Tory x Aisha, yes, but I do think it's important to keep things in perspective yn
"These are the same overprotective LaRussos who made me wear a helmet on your trampoline" OKAY THEY WOULD
"She's my bestie. My new school bestie, you'll always be the OG" SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING
GOOD GOD I'VE MISSED THEIR FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH
We were ROBBED I tell you ;___;
Okay I fuckin love that Aisha went "I'm gonna take all this karate bullshit I learned and use it for the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP"
And she's right!
When will Aisha return from the war??? I need her
Pretty sure she has one of the only brain cells in the valley and they desperately need it right now
I want Sam and Aisha to keep in touch and bond over their appreciation for Johnny's chaotic yet proactive life advice
PLEASE I need it
Also this fucker Johnny Lawrence really wanted to crossdress Mitch and thought no one would be fooled
As of last scene I NEED to see Sam and Aisha's reaction to this
All of Miyagi-Do chanting "MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT" is so funny because we know damn well none of these guys are the ones who truly want Demetri's meat
If you catch my drift
"DAMN IT" I’ll bet Demetri's more anxious and high-strung than usual because he feels bad about having to leave Eli to wallow in his sorrows in his basement and go to karate practice ;__;
OH so Eli decides to join Miyagi-Do to be with Demetri, despite literally all his other close friends being in Eagle Fang??? Fellas, is it gay to join your Totally Platonic Bro's dojo full of people who are still kind of mad at you because you want to help your Totally Platonic Bro out in the AVT that bad????
Not Demetri looking at him with huge doe eyes in the background ;___;
"Is it Eli or Hawk?" "Doesn't matter, I'm just here to do what I can to help out the team" Nice to get an official confirmation that basically throughout S4 Eli has never fucking minded when Demetri called him Eli instead of Hawk
Legit have seen people upset he's cool with going by Eli again, and like??? I'm pretty sure him not feeling like he has to have a cool nickname to kick ass at karate is a good thing actually???
Like ffs let him embrace softboi Eli!!! Let him be gentle and vulnerable and true to himself, even the parts that aren't all hardcore and macho!!! He can cry at sad movies with his boyfriend Demetri and still pound your whiney toxic masculinity-obsessed ass into the ground, actually!
I SWEAR I heard Demetri's voice crack at "it's good to have you back, man"
Do I see tears in his eyes??? Is he HAPPY CRYING???
Demetri stop being so in love and so painfully unaware of it, it's making me embarrassed for you
HOLY SHIT SAM TELLING TORY OFF WAS LOWKEY TERRIFYING
But in the BEST possible way
Still feel bad for Tory, but like...SAM. QUEEN. Taking 0 shit from Tory and I am HERE FOR IT
"I'm coming for you, bitch" *evil smirk* YOU ABSOLUTE SAVAGE
Aisha was like "respond to your problems with love!" and Sam actively chose violence instead, kind of love that for her
The Bad:
Damn, these fuckers really dedicated 3 whole minutes of screentime to an AVT board meeting instead of. You know. Hawk's trauma. Or why the fuck Moon and Piper broke up. Or what Yasmine actually does with her time aside from being thirsty for Demetri. Or Daniel tryna deal with some recent manifestation of his Terry Silver trauma. Or Demetri hunting down and beating the shit out of/attempting to beat the shit out of Kyler and Gang. Or Carmen getting to do something independent of her son-and-boyfriend-related storylines. Or literally anything else
Can you tell I'm a little pressed
Also I stg they're just using the separate gender division thing as an excuse to milk even more drama out of the AVT
Like the stakes are already high enough, y'all don't need to kick them up even HIGHER and complicate the plot even more, like
We already have like 7 arcs going so let's introduce a new conflict/arc instead of working on resolving the ones we already have going
Also it's like
"What hamfisted excuse can we use to introduce more badass female characters for Woke Points so we don't have to give the ones we already have any depth whatsoever?" (Yes I'm talking about Moon and Yasmine)
Literally would not even be hard to flesh them out A TINY BIT but the show just said "no thank you, they don't properly exist as people outside of their relationship to these two gay nerd boys"
Also they’re depriving me of a Demetri-Tory fight and this is an unforgivable crime
Demetri was literally so ready to throw hands with her when she threatened Eli last season, and now we shall never perceive it
Disgusting
I just want overprotective boyfriend Demetri to fight everyone who threatens his mans
ALSO Sam deserves to beat the shit out of Kyler. As A Treat
Yeah I sure do remember that shit he pulled in S1
You try to feel up my girl and slut-shame her??? She deserves to beat yo ass like never before
And anyways we’ve seen multiple times that Sam and Tory can and do hold their own in fights against boys
So what gives, Cobra Kai???
I definitely feel Robby hatred emanating from Demetri but I would like to feel even more
This man has grievously wronged Demetri thrice now, as discussed above, and I think it would be fun if Demetri got on a warpath to absolutely destroying Robby Keene
Is it OOC, considering that Demetri is often rather violence-averse? Perhaps, but consider: I want him to find his inner darkness and become very scary
Speaking of which, why is Sam the only one who is super pissed and vindictive??? As if Demetri WOULDN'T be
Listen, being fight-averse doesn't extend to when your best friend who you're in love with gets pinned down and shaved
Ah, so the LGBT rep this season is acknowledging that asexuals, nonbinary people, and genderfluid people...exist???
Wow, such great rep, I'm shaking and clapping and cheering
Very convenient for the writers that their rep didn't include actually writing any LGBT characters
Also we still haven't gotten any fucking reason or explanation as to why Moon and Piper broke up
Like if they're gonna split up the only LGBT couple in the show, the very fucking LEAST they could do is tell us why :/
Was Piper becoming too much of a jerk for Moon to be okay with??? Did they clash because of Moon's staunch pacifism and refusal to get in a physical brawl ever??? Who the hell knows??? Definitely not us
Probably not the showrunners either
They just needed to set up the stupid Hawk x Moon plot that they're dragging out of the grave like a horrible gross heteronormative zombie
Okay as much as I love the basement scene I 1000% feel like there was a scene missing between the hair-shaving reveal and the basement scene
Like are you really telling me that Demetri didn't check in on Eli once until after he'd already been AWOL for a cool minute??? I simply do not buy it
And like it doesn't even have to be an Eli-Demetri scene, it could be something as simple as Demetri talking to Chris and being like "hey have you seen Eli? He hasn't been at school and he's not answering his phone. And he hasn't been to a single practice since...well, you know." And Chris is kinda confused like "No, I haven't see him at school, but wouldn't he be going to Eagle Fang practice???"
Cue Demetri explaining that he and Eli had previously discussed Eli potentially joining Miyagi-Do if the dojos split, so Demetri expecting Eli to join Miyagi-Do doesn't lowkey come out of nowhere
THEN Demetri asks Miguel if Eli's been at Eagle Fang practice, and Miguel is like "No, actually...I'm starting to get really worried tbh" and reveals Eli hasn't been answering Miguel's texts and calls either
And THEN Demetri busts into Eli's basement like "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN"
They seriously could have replaced that AVT board meeting scene with this bit and it would have made everything 4000x better
ALSO like. Why is Miguel not concerned at all about Eli regularly bailing on practice??? They're buddies--I'd expect ONE line of worried dialogue being like "Where's Hawk at?" at the very LEAST
Anyways like I mentioned before I feel like there needs to be some kind of explicit confirmation that Eli and Demetri previously talked about Eli joining Miyagi-Do if/when the dojos split, because otherwise Demetri being fully under the impression Eli's going to come back to MD instead of EF seems a little out of left field
Okay, wow. WOW. They seriously could not let Demetri and Eli have ONE scene
ONE GODDAMN SCENE
Without having Demetri bring up Yasmine to very insistently remind us that he's straight -___-
How even is Yasmine "the girl of your dreams" dude, her only personality traits are "hot" and "makes a sassy comment once every 7 years"
"None of that changes the fact that you're my binary brother" Damn they're seriously trying so damn hard to convince us these dudes have a "brotherly" relationship and simply will not accept it's never, ever going to work
Also did they seriously No Homo Demetri and Eli twice in one scene
Of course they fucking did
They know damn well there's gay tension but still deny it at every turn to appease the creepy homophobic conservative fanbase
For shame, homophobes! You've messed up a perfectly good queer-coded karate show is what you've done!
Look at it, it's got heteronormativity!!!
Regardless I can't help but get some amusement out of the fact that the writers are constantly trying so desperately hard to convince us Eli and Dem aren't gay because their interactions are just that inherently fruity
Y'all fighting a losing battle, we all know damn well they're gay
Hey Daniel I know Robby is your ex karate son but you absolutely should judge him for the shit he pulled with Hawk actually
Forceably shaving someone's head in an attempt to destroy their self-esteem is not very punk-rock at all
Also they really be treating Daniel's Terry Silver trauma like Trauma Lite
Like they're barely doing anything with it at all :/
If it's meant to be the reason he's being kind of a self-righteous jerk this season, then like??? They could talk about that??? They could explore it more and what the long-term effects Silver had were???
But nah, just one uncomfortable convenience store confrontation and that's all we need I guess
They GAVE me my Aisha Robinson??? Only to take her away again??? This is unspeakable cruelty and I am going to scream
Okay so like. Devon seems cool, don't get me wrong. But also can this show fucking CHILL with introducing new characters???
Like we are on SEASON FUCKING FOUR we have PLENTY of characters and arcs to work with already!!!
Also Cobra Kai Writers Stop Introducing New Female Characters Because You Don't Know How To Write Your Existing Ones Challenge
WHAT is this weak-ass bro-hug shit, I know my boy Demetri and he would absolutely CRUSH Eli in a hug, sorry
Maybe he doesn't wanna be TOO gay in front of all his MD friends but boy it is FAR too late for that
Damn the gayest episode is behind me now, idk what to do with myself :O
Guess I’ll have to create some Elimetri and YasMoon content
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teyvattherapist · 3 years
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Hi! Can i request Kaeya, Dliuc, or/and Childe reacting to their s/o being insecure about being asexual? Because a lot of people say that sex is important in a relationship and reader cant give them that. A lot of people also think asexuality is just a broken person…for some reason
Gn! reader please and sfw. Change the characters if you want.
Thank you and take you time!! don’t stress!
I'll start by saying I'm demi, so I understand this ask on a personal level phew. I hope I did this justice for you! And know that you aren't alone, life can be fulfilling even without sex. No one person is worth sacrificing your boundaries for, either. Mwah!
Ps, hope its okay I only did Kaeya and Diluc, I ran outta steam after i lost all the progress for this.
tags: gn!readerxKaeya, gn!readerxDiluc, asexual!reader, mentions of sex and insecurities.
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-While Kaeya is a relatively sexual person, he doesn't need it by any means. That and he's often too busy anyways, this just makes doing things the two of you want to do much easier without needing to set aside time for such.. activities.
-If you don't want him to flirt with you as much, he won't, he'd rather you feel comfortable than fire off the latest pickup line he's heard from Fontaine. Though sometimes he still asks if you want to hear the funnier ones, what can he say? They make him laugh.
-All this being said, he does his best to make you feel comfortable and secure. So for him to hear an offhand comment from somebody else regarding the fact he doesn't seem to fluster you as he did his previous partners, he's not particularly pleased. And he's even less pleased when he watches your face fall by such inappropriate comments.
Kaeya doesn't want to make a scene, but the arm he securely wraps around your waist is comforting as he leads you away to somewhere far more quiet. In the shaded alleyway behind Good Hunter he properly pulls you into a hug. "I can already feel you thinking, so stop that." He joked as he gives you a reassuring squeeze.
"What if they're right though, what if-"
"Shh, no what ifs. Sex is boring anyways when I can kick your ass in Windtrace." His words forced a choked laugh from you and the cavalry captain couldn't help his sincere smile as he pulled back just enough to cup your cheeks. "Seriously though, how are you that bad at Windtrace?"
"Kaeya! That's not serious at all." You furrowed your brow at him playfully and he just leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose. "Thank you, though." If he was good at anything, it was getting your mind off of all of those pointless what ifs. This relationship was fulfilling enough, there was nobody else he'd rather joke with, and that was more than good enough.
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-You had been nervous to tell Diluc about your feelings regarding sex and sexual attraction. He hadn't known the meaning, and his expressions throughout the explanation became worrying until he offered a soft. "Oh.. Me too." A relief and a shock, Master Diluc had never been one for such activities in general and now he had a concrete reason why.
-For this though, feeling insecure about the nature of your relationship did not happen often. Diluc much preferred the intimacy that came with cuddling over anything else, behind closed doors of course.
-Though.. This didn't stop strangers from commenting on his relationship with you. Especially regarding the next heir to the Ragnvindr family legacy and all the unnecessary comments that seem to come with such a topic. Diluc often just ignores it and tells you to do the same. Plus, he's only twenty three, why in Teyvat does he need to be thinking about such things? He can just adopt later.
Diluc noticed your down turn in mood all evening, but with how busy the tavern happened to be, he didn't exactly have time to ask. Until the last patron was ushered out and the door locked. You swirled the drink in your glass, watching as the liquid splashed from one side to the other.
"Is something bothering you, love?" His voice is soft as he pulled himself into the seat beside you, moving to rest his elbow on the countertop to watch you. A noncommittal hum before you down the small amount of the drink that remained. You set the glass down, eyes moving to inspect the area behind the bar.
"Just thinking about things. You're satisfied, with what we have, right?" For a moment, you question seemed to stun the redhead as he stared at you, trying to discern where the concern was coming from. You turned your head to look at him, raising an eyebrow. In that moment, it connected for him.
Diluc's smile is small as he reached across the countertop with his free hand, taking yours in his gloved one, he intertwined his fingers with yours. "Yes, more than satisfied. You, my everlasting flame, are the best thing to ever happen to me. The people of Mondstadt are far too nosy for their own good." Crimson eyes rolled as he squeezed your hand reassuringly.
You smiled at the pet name, almost out of character for Diluc if you didn't know better. He had quite a penchant for them behind closed doors, only more of a sign of his devotion to you. "I love you, Luc." You brought his hand up, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. Almost immediately red began to creep up his neck, spreading across his cheeks. Too easy.
"I.." He cleared his throat, his cheeks were too warm. "Love you too." He slid off of the bar stool, gently pulling you to your feet. "Now come along, help me close the tavern. I'd like to get back to the Winery at a decent time."
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I’d love to request a ship :) I don’t have a gender preference, I am infp, my pronouns are she/her, and I’m biromantic asexual. I’m 5’3, long brown hair with bangs, I wear glasses. My style consists of short skirt/shorts, and cropped tops, nothing too defined however. My favourite books are the heroes of Olympus series by Rick riordan, and I like the song ‘good old fashioned lover boy’ by queen. I like listening to rock classics but also pop music from the 2010s. If I was in X-men, my mutation would be healing and/or telekinesis. I hope that’s enough details for you, I really enjoy your blog :) BTW, the roof fix is literally my favourite work of yours, I re read it sometimes and every time, it still makes me emotional.
I ship you with Peter Maximoff!
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It all started after you became friends with Jubilee.
Peter had a habit of running around campus, stopping (very briefly, though to him it probably felt like hours) to say hi to some people on the way to his destination.
So one day, while walking with Jubilee to the class that you and her shared, Peter ran by.
"HiSparklesByeSparkles!!!!!"
You were very confused to say the least.
"What was that? Also- who's Sparkles?"
Jubilee responded: "That was Peter, ignore him. I'm 'Sparkles'- he likes to make up weird nicknames for his friends- it's both an honor and annoying."
"Oh. Well- congratulations and also I'm sorry?"
"Exactly! You get it."
Later that night, you went down to the kitchen with your walkman on to grab a snack. Of course, by "grab a snack" I mean grab dinner now that whatever weirdos were in the kitchen earlier had left to study.
And who did you find? A weirdo. The weirdo, if you will.
The boy who you had earlier learned was named Peter and Jubilee were sitting eating snacks on top of the island counter.
You considered trying to sneakily back away, at the moment you really just wanted to listen to your music and be in peace, but alas. The stomach calls as strongly as the heart does. So you take off your headphones, and walk inside.
Jubilee greets you immediately, and Peter looks slightly horrified. You look at him perplexed then try to start a conversation.
"Hey... guys..." Wow, smooth start. "What were you talking about?"
Jubilee jokes in response, "We were gossiping about you, better watch out, we're planning some pretty nasty rumors."
Peter remained frozen, as if his lack of movement would make his borderline hilarious expression invisible to you. Until he jumped- "Ow! What the hell was that for?"
Jubilee gritted her teeth at him, "What was what for? I didn't do anything. Introduce yourself."
"You kicked me under the table! I'm wounded!" He feigned he was in great pain.
You saw the opportunity for a dad joke, so you took it, as any honorable person would. "Hi, Wounded. Nice to meet ya. Sorry that was horrible, but you did walk right into it."
Finally, he addressed you directly. "Haha, very funny. It would be funnier if I wasn't just attacked, but still. I'm Peter but I think you know that."
"Very presumptuous of you, but okay."
"No! Not like I think you know about me because I think I'm important or anything. We were just talking about you and I asked Sparkles what she told you about me-"
"You two were talking about me?" You wiggled your eyebrows sarcastically at him.
This interaction of course led to you two bantering, and Jubilee sneaking out of the room to give you two some privacy. Jubilee's real power is being the ultimate wingman, what can I say.
So I might have accidentally written a whole drabble for your meeting lmao- but I had some other details I didn't fit in but I wanted to share:
Peter messes up your bangs when he runs by, he thinks it's hilarious when you get annoyed by it. He also always denies that it was him.
Whenever you need to reach things off tall shelfs he runs in to help you. You always have to remind him: "I could have literally gotten that with my mind- you don't have to help, though I appreciate the gesture." He just smiles proudly in response.
He calls you nerd, and everything you like nerdy. You know how in movies they put the word "quantum" in front of everything? That's him with "nerd".
Whenever he speeds in to sit or stand by you, he puts his arm around your shoulders and says the inevitable: "Hey nerd."
"Ooh, how's your nerd book coming?"
"You're doing you're homework, wow. Nerd alert over here!"
"Jamming out to your nerd music?" You smile at him, "You like Queen just as much as I do, why do you call it nerd music?" "Because you're listening to it, and you're a nerd." "Ok, but why am I a nerd?" "Because you wear glasses, duh." "Oh my god."
If it ever remotely upset you he would stop, but every time you act unamused he can tell you're hiding a smile, and he wants to see that every chance he can.
I really hope you like this, sorry it's so long, this is just the first ship request I've written and I got kinda overzealous! <33
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hi could you rec some gen fics
Hi Nonny!! 
I’ve a tonne of G and T rated fics, and I’m using this opportunity to clear another list off my Check-List, T-Rated Part 3! It’s a nice long list, so hope you enjoy! 
As per usual, friends, the third reblog will be the mobile post (I do that to generate the “full post”, and then “read more” the original post), so I am sorry :P
T-RATED FICS Pt. 3
See also:
T-RATED Pt. 1: Friends To Lovers Fics || [MOBILE LINK]
T-Rated Fics Pt. 2 (October 2018) (LONG POST) || MOBILE POST
Smut-Free Fics Over 50K (Aug 2019)
And When The Night Is Over by Simply Isnt On (K, 329 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Platonic Bed Sharing / Not Slash) – Sherlock and John sleep together.
When Morning Comes by Youarethelightoftheworld (T, 423 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lazy Mornings/Morning After, Fluff and Angst, Sleepy Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Cuddling / Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort) – “Sherlock,” says John solemnly, “I’m not sure we can go anywhere today.”
Dinner With John by Zang Bluetterfly (T, 505 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance) – “Let’s have dinner, John.” Sherlock secretly smiled. Irene had been right: he had rejected her dinner’s invitation because he already had John by his side, even though the doctor was still clueless about Sherlock’s true feelings for him.
The Moment When by drekadair (K, 509 w., 1 Ch. || TGG Fic, Friendship, First Person POV Sherlock, Introspection, Worried Sherlock) – Sherlock sees John in the pool, and doubts. Set during the end of “The Great Game.”
A Perfect Figure by ecb327 (K, 622 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, First Person POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Introspection, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Light Angst) – Sherlock build a spot in his mind palace for John.
Do You Love Me? by whitchry9 (K, 641 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Family, Epic Bromance) – John asks Sherlock perhaps the most important question.
New World, Old Words by thedeafwriter (G, 641 w., 1 Ch. || Deaf Sherlock, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Fluff, Always John) – It was disconcerting to experience. One second, he was laying on the table, breathing in the gas that would make him sleep, the next, he was dragging his eyes open to look around the bright room, trying to wake up.
Five Seconds by xXLadyLovelaceXx (K+, 658 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Introspection, TGG Pool Scene) – In the half-second before Sherlock shoots the jacket, John notices something.
I Knew You Loved Me by inevitably_johnlocked (T, 743 w., 1 Ch. || Morning Cuddles, Fluff, Clingy Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slice of Life, Morning After, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Declarations of Love, Pet Name, Bed Sharing, Snuggles) – John and Sherlock share a lie-in the morning after their first time. So fluffy and gross your teeth will fall out. Part 4 of I-J’s Tumblr Ficlet Collection
Promises Kept by grannysknitting (K+, 844 w., 1 Ch. || John POV, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship / Pre-Slash, Sherlock’s Violin, Worried Sherlock, John Whump, Post-TGG) – When they were in hospital, Sherlock made a promise to himself. Now he’s keeping it. Set after ’Polygamous Marriage’ but before ’Back in the Saddle’
Possessive by Fang323 (T, 850 w., 1 Ch. || John Whump, Hospitalization, Possessive / Protective Sherlock, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – His John did not belong. Not here. Not in this blasted hospital. It simply was not logical.
Concussions And Good Old Fashioned Awkwardness by Belldere (K+, 894 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Hospitals, Mild John Whump, Misunderstandings, Platonic Relationship, Concussions, Not-Gay John, Possessive Sherlock) – When John lands himself in hospital… again, all he wants is to just get out of there as soon as possible, too bad his doctor has other ideas about where John may be getting his injuries. Good thing concussions make everything strangely funnier.
Once Upon A Time by ProfessorSquirrell (T, 908 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Snippets of Life, Romance, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Implied Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending) – There is a room in Sherlock’s mind palace where nothing gets deleted. And it looks like this…
Burn Burn by Jenn1984 (K+, 925 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG, Angst, Worried / Panicked / Possessive Sherlock) – A week after the events of “The Great Game”, Sherlock returns to 221B Baker Street to find it empty.
Texts and Tea by JillianWatson1058 (K, 959 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Texting, Humour, Fluff, POV John, Cranky John) – A John who is woken up at 2:30 in the morning is not a happy John. Sherlock, frankly, doesn’t care. He just wants his tea.
My Unfortunately Average Sized Cranium by Haelia (K+, 996 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Headache, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Drug Use, Doctor John) – In which Sherlock has a migraine. ALMOST Johnlock. Not quite.
Do You Renounce Evil? by BenAddiction (K, 1,037 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Friendship, No Slash) – John and Mary have a question for Sherlock.
Five Times John Watson Remained Oblivious by thriceandonce (K+, 1,154 w., 1 Ch. || Five and Ones, Romance, Friendship, Asexual Sherlock, Queerplatonic Relationship) – …And one time he didn’t.
Common Knowledge by The Assassin’s Pen (K, 1,223 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Hurt/Comfort, Sort-Of Parentlock, Angry John) – John can’t sleep because his infant daughter can’t sleep. Sherlock can’t think because of all the crying. And Mary can’t seem to calm the infant either. Sherlock’s robotic response to the problem reveals something very human at his core. Fluffy one shot!
Sherlock Is Not The One You Should Worry About by AllesandraQuartermaine (K, 1,077 w., 1 Ch. || Sally POV, Character Reflection, Praising John) – Sally Donovan’s eyes are opened about a certain Doctor John Watson.
Peacock by ClassyGirlsWearPearls (T, 1,189 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Cranky Sherlock, Soft John, Hand Holding, Soft Sherlock) – A study in Sherlock and John.
Our Bodies Bend Light by lovetincture (G, 1,211 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Beekeeping, Retirement) – They got married. Of course they got married. Snapshots in a relationship. There’s a jar of bees in the bookstore and a cottage in Sussex. Sherlock’s not the marrying kind, and John’s tried this once before, but they’re Sherlock and John. Of course.
Sleep Tonight by Jenn1984 (T, 1,220 w, 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Bed Sharing, Worried Sherlock, Sick John, Hugs/Cuddles, Touch Neediness) – Fingers begin prying open his jacket looking for a wound and John would really like to swat at them. No, he’s not hit anywhere, he’s just damn sick.- John Watson has a fever.
Common Knowledge by The Assassin’s Pen (K, 1,223 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Hurt/Comfort, Sort-Of Parentlock, Angry John) – John can’t sleep because his infant daughter can’t sleep. Sherlock can’t think because of all the crying. And Mary can’t seem to calm the infant either. Sherlock’s robotic response to the problem reveals something very human at his core. Fluffy one shot!
Idiot by Anesthesiologist (T, 1,229 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Alternate TGG / Explosion, BAMF John, Sherlock Whump, Inner Monologue, John Saves Sherlock, POV Sherlock) – What the heck happened? He remembered the pool and Moriarty, but then what? Had he been dying?
Mizzle by MrsNoggin (K, 1,233 w., 1 Ch || Friendship, Fluff, Platonic Johnlock, Humour, Slice of Life) – John can’t decide if it’s raining or not. Sherlock doesn’t understand.
First Thing in the Morning by englishtutor (T, 1,273 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Banter, Humour) – In which John and Mary return from their honeymoon and are immediately plunged back into real life. Can they cope?
And, Usually, He’s the One Who GIVES Me a Headache by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,315 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, POV John, Cranky John, Headaches, Head Massage) – A migraine is never fun.
A Better Fate Than Wisdom by flawedamythyst (G, 1,339 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, John’s Sexuality Crisis, Pining Sherlock, Happy Ending, Fluff) – Nearly four hours pass between their first kiss and their second.
Five Times John Didn’t Notice Sherlock (and one time he did) by somanyhands (T, 1,369 w., 6 Ch. || Friendship, Five and Ones, 221B Format Oneshots) – Five times out oblivious John Watson didn’t notice Sherlock, and one time he really did. A short series of (five plus one) 221B fics, just because.
God Save The Queen by Alice Day (K+, 1,398 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Mystery, Friendship) – Sherlock has a new case. John is petrified. The Queen is amused.
I Was Wrong by AllesandraQuartermaine (K, 1,496 w., 1 Ch. || TGG AU, Friendship, Hospitalization / Injury, John’s Self Esteem, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sherlock and John have a conversation a few days after the pool face off with Moriarty. And John hears something quite surprising.
Angel by MrsNoggin (T, 1,513 w., 1 Ch. || Winglock, Friendship, Chromoesthesia, Drugging) – John is an angel. That can be the only explanation. A response to the challenging request for a realistic wingfic one-shot.
You Should Have Let Me Sleep! by theraggedypond (T, 1,542 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Sleepy Sherlock, Cranky Sherlock, Domestics) – After a three day case with no sleep and hardly any food, Sherlock is recovering from it by playing comatose. John finds out what happens when you wake up London’s favorite consulting detective.
Here to Stay by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 1,574 w., 1 Ch. || Post Reunion, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Headache, Bed Sharing, Care Taker Sherlock, Hand Holding, Fluff) – On Sherlock’s first day home, John wakes with a migraine.
Happy Birthday John by Starlight05 (K, 1,580 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, John’s Birthday, Shopping, 3rd Person POV John) – When an important date comes up, Sherlock finds himself doing something he never has before - shopping! But will he succeed and manage to get his best friend a present?
Together is What we Have, Together Protects Us by Phantom of the Black Pearl (K+, 1,566 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Platonic or Slash, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Sherlock, Worried Sherlock, Slice of Life) – After a case one evening in the flat Sherlock voices a concern that causes the pair to consider why they’ve chosen to stick together after all that’s happened.
3:00 in the Morning is a Great Time to Talk by Aztecwarfareandcrumping (K+, 1,775 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Bed Sharing, First Person POV John, Cuddling, Worried Sherlock, Comforting John, Platonic Affection/Love) – “Are you trying to talk your way into my bed?” “Obviously.”
Santa Knows by Itsallfine (T, 1,719 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Party, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Matchmaking, POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock and John both get exactly what they want from the Yard’s secret Santa exchange. Pure holiday fluff.
Upon This Throne by ifonlynotnever (T, 1,773 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-TRF, Angst, Romance, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Introspection, Imagery, Pining Sherlock, Drug Use, Passage of Time) – Inside Sherlock’s mind is a Palace. Inside the Palace are many rooms. Within the largest room is the Throne. Upon the Throne sits the King.
Love and Bombs by Spark Writer (T, 1,780 w., 1 Ch. || Post S3, Romance, Angst, Pining Sherlock, 1st Person POV Sherlock, Introspection, Ambiguous Ending) – Love and bombs aren’t all that different, John. In the end, they’re almost indistinguishable.
Quite Contrary by Hollyesque (T, 1,805 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Sherlock Whump / After Mary Shot Sherlock, Hallucinations / Flashbacks / PTSD, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Lestrade POV, ) – A short one-shot, alternate scene to Greg’s hospital visit in HLV. Instead of Sherlock disappearing, Greg is faced with an unexpected reaction to a hospitalized Sherlock and winds up figuring out something that he really would have rather not known.
The Stranger by LaKoda0518 (T, 1,844 w., 1 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Fluff, First Kiss, For a Case, Mysterious Madman, Lonely John) – John Watson is standing on the platform waiting to board a train to his sister’s after being invalided home from Afghanistan. A chance meeting with a mysterious madman turns his world upside down and changes his life forever.
One in Ten Thousand by Blind Author (K+, 1,856 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG, Friendship / Pre-Slash, Discussions of Violence, Worried then Curious Sherlock, Scars/John’s Bullet Wound, Medical Anomolies) – John seems to have unusual mobility for a shoulder wound…
The Three-Word Tin Collection by TheBookshelfDweller (K, 1,885 w., 1 Ch. || First Person Sherlock POV, Mild Pining, Angst, Romance, Hiatus) – What happens when Sherlock has to store the things he wants to say to John while deconstructing Moriarty’s web, but the Mind palace proves an inadequate place to store them?
Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil by PipMer (T, 1,895 w., 1 Ch. || Deaf John, Mute Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Fluff and Angst, Character Study, Morse Code, Love Confessions) – John is deaf. Sherlock is mute. There are no two people more suited for each other.
The Adventure of the Mysterious Appearance of Tissues by Gwen’s Blue Box (K+, 1,910 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Sick John, Caring Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort) – In which there is a case, John has caught a cold and is not interested in investigating, Mrs Hudson is away and Sherlock does the shopping.
Baskerville After Dark by Ttime42 (T, 1,921 w., 1 Ch. || THoB, Friendship, Humor, Bed Sharing, Missing Scenes, Cranky John, Cuddles) – John and Sherlock have to share a bed at Baskerville. Gen, but can be preslash.
They’re Taking My Wisdom by whitchry9 (K+, 1,939 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Drugging, Dentists, Friendship, Anxious Sherlock, Humour) – Sherlock goes to the dentist. Of course, being Sherlock, things have to be complicated. Oh and drugs. They’re always fun.
The Perfect Place by SilverSmile (K+, 1,955 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance, 5 and Ones, Fluff, Experiments, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock attempts to find the perfect place to sleep, but his little experiment proves to be far more difficult than expected.
Fascination by xLaramiex (K, 1,959 w., 2 Ch. || Friendship, Cranky Sherlock) – Ch1: John returns home to find Sherlock sleeping on the sofa. At least, he thinks he does. Ch2: Once again, John is forced to abandon his food to trail after Sherlock. He doesn’t even know why.
Denial Isn’t Just a River in Egypt by satanatemycat (T, 2,107 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Texting, Bored/Cranky Sherlock) – In which John makes a bet with a co-worker. If he wins, she shuts up about him and Sherlock being a couple. If he loses… well, that doesn’t matter, because he won’t lose. Because he and Sherlock ARE NOT a couple. Right?
The Imminent Danger of a Tumblr-Night by Loveismyrevolution (T, 2,135 w., 1 Ch. || Tumblr Fics, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock is Out of His Depth, Humour, Fluff, Pining Sherlock, Military Kink, POV Sherlock) – Sherlock gets into trouble when he pretends to know all about John’s favourite social media site - tumblr. To save face he seeks help from one of the bloggers and gains more answers than he had aimed for.
The Case of the Missing Blogger by nicknack22 (K, 2,147 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Friendship, Worried / Anxious Sherlock) – Alternately titled, The Case of the Oblivious Consulting Detective. In which Sherlock comes out of his mind palace to discover John missing. 221B does not fair well as a result.
Study in John by chappysmom (K+, 2,158 w., 1 Ch. || Post-ASiP, POV John, Introspection, Friendship, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, John’s Limp) – After the events of “A Study in Pink,” John lies on the couch in Baker Street and thinks about the whirlwind events of the day. What is he getting himself into?
A Room of One’s Own by whitchry9 (K+, 2,174 w., 5 Ch. || S2 Timeline, Hurt/Comfort, Supernatural, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Coma, John Whump, Worried Sherlock, POV John, Angst, Friendship/Bromance, Hospital) – When a severe head injury lands John in a coma, somehow he ends up in Sherlock’s mind palace. It’s actually pretty nice there, and John is entertaining the notion of staying there, rather than returning to his broken body. But Sherlock isn’t taking it as well, and John can feel him breaking around him.
Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he’s been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.
Love Hurts by Grac3 (T, 2,215 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Realism, Pining Sherlock, One-Sided Pining / URT, Sherlock / John Whump, Angst, Ambiguous Ending) – In a world where someone’s physical injuries manifest themselves on the person who is in love with them, John didn’t think that there would ever be anyone who was willing to risk falling in love with him - until he got shot on a case, and it didn’t hurt. Unrequited Johnlock.
Coming Full Circle by KCS (K+, 2,358 w., 1 Ch. || Alternate TGG, Friendship, Drama, Violence/Death References, Drugging/Poisoning, Kidnapping, BAMF John, Moriarty POV, Introspection) – Moriarty had John for almost six hours between his abduction and the showdown at the pool - more than enough time to implement a Plan B for his escape should Sherlock call his bluff with the fake bomb vest.
Work On Your Balance by speculate (K+, 2,448 w., 1 Ch. || Embarrassed Sherlock, For A Case, Skating, Fluff, Friendship, Humour) – In which John is actually pretty good at ice skating, Sherlock’s not and insists it’s all for a case , and Lestrade is pretty amused by it all.
The Many Faces of Concern by sdrawkcabemdaer5 (K+, 2,473 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Angsty Fluff, John Whump, Mildly Clueless Sherlock) – John is injured on a case, leading to some surprising reactions and discoveries about their friendship.
Nothing Left Untouched by ForeverShippingJohnlock (K+, 2,617 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance, Bed Sharing, Oblivious Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Grumpy John, Fluff and Cuddles) – Sherlock rearranges the flat. So what if John’s bedroom is now a research library. It’s not like John needs a bedroom, he can share with Sherlock. They’re friends and John has obviously slept in close quarters with men before and it’s not like Sherlock sleeps much anyway. It’ll be fine.
Insomnia by TheSingingGirl (K+, 2,635 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Bed Sharing, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sleep is merely the next frontier in what has become the battle to keep Sherlock alive. It’s because of this that John ends up in bed with a sociopath.
Those Days by StillWaters1 (T, 2,663 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD / Sensory Attacks, Caring Sherlock) – If Sherlock had danger nights, then these were John’s danger days.
Domino by Deception’s Call (K, 2,689 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Scared / Worried Sherlock, John Whump, Crying Sherlock, Hospital, Implied Caretaker Sherlock) – When John is injured on a case and is admitted to the hospital, those at Scotland Yard come to realize that perhaps Sherlock Holmes has a heart after all.
Not My Proudest Moment by charlock221 (K, 2,695 w., 1 Ch. || Lunar New Year, Mild PTSD / Panic Attack, Coping Mechanisms, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – John tries his best not to get in the way of Sherlock’s cases, but when the vivid noises of fireworks unnerve his senses and begin to bring back unwanted memories of Afghanistan, he cannot help but to hope Sherlock will notice and help him before things go too far.
BBCSH ‘The Comfort of Company’ by tigersilver (T, 2,769 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF/Mary, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Bed Sharing, Grumpy John, Touching, Clingy/Handsy Sherlock, Cranky Sherlock, Fluff and Light Angst) – It’s a trope that John and Sherlock end up sharing in the same bed eventually and I admit I do adore it unconditionally, along with all it infers as to the lowering of defenses and the heightening of trust. I put forth for your consideration that the notion persists because those who think about these things realize these two men are each in dire need of some good company.
One to Spare by englishtutor (K, 2,862 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Sherlock POV) – In which Sherlock becomes alarmed at the change Mary Morstan has made in John. With spoilers from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s book “The Sign of Four”
The Rational Machine by Solstice Zero (K, 2,924 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, Malnourishment / Fainting, Doctor / Minder John) – Sherlock passes out. John muses on the reasons why. Containing an absorbing case, two bags of shopping, and a few apples.
Your Pain in my Hands by aceofhearts61 (T, 2,984 w., 1 Ch. || Asexual Sherlock / Straight Homoromantic John, Established Relationship, Asexual Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling and Snuggling, Massage, Fluff, Bedsharing) – Sherlock and John comfort each other through physical pain, using massage. Part 13 of A Love with No Name
Museums and Laboratories by RhododendronPonticum (T, 3,004 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Angst, Obsessive Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, Anxiety/Panic Attack, Separation Anxiety, Doctor John, Co-Dependent Sherlock) – If Sherlock’s kitchen was his laboratory, then his bedroom was his museum.
Better Late Than Never by sussexbound (NR (T), 3,021 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4 / TFP Doesn’t Exist, Sherlock POV, Love Confessions, Drunk Sherlock / Sober John, John Takes Care of Sherlock, First Kiss, Jealous Sherlock, Emotional Turmoil) – He suddenly wants John Watson out of his bedroom, out of his flat, out of his life, because he has been lying to himself these last few months, he realises. He doesn’t want John here, not with the way things are. He doesn’t want 221b Baker Street to be nothing more than rest stop John returns to on his journeys between women. He doesn’t want to play co-parent if Rosie is going to be snatched away from him and placed in the arms of whatever nameless woman du jour John lands on next. He doesn’t want to keep being so careful, so generous, so, so…
The General Idea by agirlsname (T, 3,022 w., 1 Ch. || Retirement, Promise of Forever / Proposal, POV John, First Kiss, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Soft Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Crying / Emotional Sherlock, Love Confessions) – After twenty years of friendship, John is used to Sherlock acting weirdly. But the news Sherlock finally brings himself to deliver change the carefully built dynamics between them, and John realises it’s time to act.
Reversed by whitchry9 (K+, 3,072 w., 6 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Medical Anomolies, John Gets Shot) – The man pointed his gun at John’s chest, right at his heart, and shot.’ Wherein John is shot, and Sherlock is the one panicking.
It’s Just Another Birthday by Vintage Tea Party (K, 3,207 w., 2 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Sherlock’s Birthday, Sherlock 3rd Person POV) – When John makes a birthday cake for Sherlock he thinks it’s an innocent enough gesture. But nothing is ever normal with Sherlock and this isn’t just another birthday.
As You Wish by PipMer (K, 3,311 w., 1 Ch. || Bromance/Pre-Slash/Epic Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump, Hospitals) – When John woke from his coma, he wasn’t at all surprised to see the wrong Holmes brother sitting at his bedside. Disappointed, but not surprised.
The Dangers of Dating by verityburns (T, 3,325 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Case Fic, No Slash, John Whump, 3G, Worried Sherlock) – Sherlock and John acquire a new client… with a very unusual problem.
After the Bombs by VampirePam (T, 3,337 w., 2 Ch. || THoB AU, Drugs, John’s PTSD, Panic Attack, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In which the drugs Sherlock used to dose John trigger a severe episode of PTSD. When terrors old and new cause John to fall apart, Sherlock must rectify his mistake and pick up the pieces.
Study in Sherlock by chappysmom (K+, 3,790 w., 1 Ch. || ASiP, Friendship, Introspection, Anxious Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Caring Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock) – Sherlock’s thoughts and feelings during A Study in Pink. What DID he think of John, and why was he being so NICE?
Breakfast, acronyms and brotherhood by Rose de Sharon (K+, 4,074 w., 1 Ch. || TBB Fic, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Protective John, Fluff) – Set after The Blind Banker: my take of Sherlock and John’s conversation over breakfast. S/J friendship, bromance, no slash.
Human Body Pillow by Lunavere (K, 4,122 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Five and Ones, Sleepy Johnlock, Bed Sharing) – A story about the five times John fell asleep on Sherlock, and the one time Sherlock fell asleep on him.
Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me’, specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical’. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series
The Oolong Disaster by unicornpoe (T, 4,151 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Beard, Fluff, Humour, Frustrated Sherlock, John Takes Care of Sherlock, Case Fic-ish, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Possessive Sherlock) – John has a beard. Sherlock has a panic attack.
Between Asleep and Awake by katydidit (K, 4,309 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Sick Fic, Post-TRF / Reunion) – John is sick. Incredibly, extremely, dangerously sick. Plagued by a high fever, he begins to hallucinate, start seeing things that aren’t really there. Because they can’t be there. Can they?
Afghanistan in Baskerville by Amaya Ramiel (K+, 4,357 w., 1 Ch. || THoB Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drugged John, PTSD / Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Worried Sherlock, John’s Past, Friendship) – What if John hadn’t seen the hound when Sherlock trapped him in the lab? What if instead, his very real nightmares of the war had materialized all around him? Trapped and drugged, John can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. How will Sherlock react?
Mary by englishtutor (K, 4,358 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance, No Slash) – In which Mary Morstan attempts to endear herself to Sherlock Holmes.
What You Are Worth by Lastew (T, 4,488 w., 1 Ch. || Observant But Insecure John, Friendship, Crime / Case Fic) – John helps Sherlock with a case, but he questions his real value to Sherlock.  
Let Down by Gandalf3213 (K+, 4,505 w., 2 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, John Whump, Insecure John) – John truly is sorry for letting Sherlock down. The only thing he wanted to do was finish the case, but bleeding out in a dark alley makes it harder for him to pursue that murderer running out of sight.
The Care and Keeping of Your Mad Genius by Janieshi (T, 4,553 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG, Friendship, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Light Humour/Teasing, Alternating POV, Cranky Sherlock) – If he hadn’t been so focused on holding the bastard still, John would have laughed aloud. This maniac really thought John was the pet in this dynamic?
Storytelling by amythedork (T, 5,126 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Past, Friendship, Humour) – Five times John Watson opens up to Sherlock Holmes, and one time Sherlock Holmes opens up to John Watson. Gen, though could easily be read as pre-slash.
The Refining Fire by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 5,451 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG AU, Angst, Friendship, Alternating POV (Lestrade, Mycroft, Sherlock), Worried Sherlock, Hospital Recovery) – Fire can burn things to ashes, but it can also burn things together.
Sleepless nights by El loopy (T, 5,467 w., 3 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares/Insomnia, Panic Attack, Worried Sherlock) – Sherlock has a nightmare and John wants to know what it was about. Set during season 1. Three-shot.
Stranded by BeautifulFiction (T, 5,798 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Communication / Relationship Discussion, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, BAMF John, Doctor John, Case Fic, Drinking, Huddling For Warmth, Friends to More) –  When stranded on a derelict barge at high tide, John and Sherlock reconsider their friendship.
When We Sleep by PrincessNala (K+, 6,660 w., 1 Ch || Post-TGG,  Alternating POV, Bed Sharing, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort, Hugs) – Sherlock needed to feel every beat of his heart, every rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. It was the only way to completely assure himself that John was alive and right there next to him, and not dead, no, never dead…
Hide and Seek by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 6,934 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Rev. Reich-ish, Mycroft is a Dick, Depression, Case Fic-ish, Friendship, Reunion) – Pseudo sequel to “The Refining Fire.” “You owe him the truth, and you owe me the proof that will convince him that I had no part in this.”
Lost for Words by notactivesherlockaccount (T, 6,709 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump, Temporary Mute John) – While on a case, John temporarily loses his ability to speak, and he and Sherlock have to find a new way to communicate.
BANG by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 7,016 w., 3 Ch. || Post-TGG AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Worried / Scared Sherlock, Alternating POV, Whump, Hospital Recovery, Open Ending) – 'I should warn you,’ Sherlock says, his voice steady and his eyes fixed on Moriarty. 'You are sadly misinformed.’ And he fires. Prequel to M Is For Moriarty
On Favors and Keeping Score by Ewebie (G, 7,622 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Sick Fic, Fluff, John Whump) – John woke up to the horribly unpleasant sound of his clock alarm. Which meant he’d slept through his phone’s alarm. And for a moment he glared blearily at the noisemaker before smacking at it with his palm. Ugh, he felt like rubbish. The back of his throat was burning with the irritation that heralded a proper dose, his nose was threatening to drip every few seconds, and he had the uncomfortable flush that normally suggested a fever. Nothing high, just uncomfortable. Nothing deadly, just irritating. Nothing worth calling in sick with, just a full day of discomfort in the face of other people’s discomfort. It was going to be a day where he was forced to bite his tongue from telling people off. “You’re not as sick as I am, so off you pop.” Part 7 of Tumblr Shorts
The Hours Before Midnight by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 7,773 w., 1 Ch. || TGG Fic, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Torture / John Whump, Kidnapping, Drugging, Alternating POV, Worried / Protective Sherlock) – Moriarty doesn’t play fair. John must deal with hours of torment from Moriarty before going to meet Sherlock at the Pool at the end of the Great Game and Sherlock must deal with the consequences of his boredom.
What Did I Do Wrong? by Starlight05 (T, 7,880 w., 5 Ch. || Hurt Comfort, Angst, John Whump, Hospitalization, Worried Sherlock, Emotional Turmoil, Nightmares, Sherlock Being Dumb) - After John almost dies on a case, Sherlock disappears. So John is left to figure out what he can do to get his best friend back. Meanwhile Sherlock, guilt-ridden and willingly alone, is doing everything he can to stay away.
Victim, Bait, Hero, Friend by KimberlyTheOwl (T, 7,887 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG Epilogue, Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Past Kidnapping / Torture / Implied Rape, Panic Attacks, Worried / Possessive Sherlock, Lestrade is a Good Friend) – Some insights into why John was perfectly willing to throw everything away for a chance to kill Moriarty at the pool. Trauma, ugliness, and finally healing. Some nice supporting work by Lestrade as well.
A Friend Indeed by Sanru (K+, 8,190 w., 1 Ch. || Missing John, Friendship, Drama, Introspection, Possessive Sherlock, Worried Sherlock) – Something has gone terribly wrong with a supposedly simple case. John Watson is missing. While the search for him is proving to be fruitless, it has made Sherlock realize that having an emotional attachment to someone may have its disadvantages but he liked being able to call John his friend. Now if only he could find out what happened to him…
Until I See the Sun by Vintage Tea Party (T, 8,194 w., 3 Ch. || Nightmares, Mild Whump, Friendship, Mild Violence, Angst) – After a particularly dangerous case, John suffers from night terrors. Will Sherlock be able to comfort him? Will he be able to find out what is really troubling John?
Made for You by Raxicoricofallapatorious (K, 8,440 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Sci-Fi, Androids) – When John was shot in the shoulder he was decommissioned and his memory and personality was wiped. Sherlock was given the blank droid and he quickly learns that this droid is more than it seems. John just so happened to come back and no one can fathom how or why. Johnlock if you squint.
Five Times Sherlock Realized He Was Getting Older by Mildred Graves (T, 9,215 w., 6 Ch. || Five and Ones, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Old) – … And one time it didn’t matter.
You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w., 1 Ch. || It’s An Experiment, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Questionable Science) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock’s study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn’t entirely mind.
A Is For Aftermath by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 10,567 w., 1 Ch.  || Injury / Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Pre-Slash/Bromance/Platonics, Hallucinations, Introspection, Insecure / Worried John, Big Brother Mycroft, Alternating POV, Anxious Sherlock, Self-Deprecating, Mildly Possessive Sherlock, 3G Moment) – John is still hallucinating, Sherlock cannot sleep, and Lestrade has a new case for them. But will life at 221B ever be able to return to normal? Epilogue to M is for Moriarty.
The Dying Doctor by Transcendental Starlight (T, 11,258 w., 3 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Sick John / John Whump, ACD Rewrite) – Loosely based off ACD’s “The Dying Detective.” Sherlock relives a case that should have killed him, but instead resulted in John being hospitalized for a deadly disease. Sherlock endeavors to catch the murderer, while attempting to envision a future without John Watson. No Slash.
Sherlock’s Sleeping Habits by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 11,424 w., 16 Ch. || Friendship, Sleepy Sherlock, One Shot Collection, Fluff, Domestics) – In which John learns about Sherlock’s sleeping habits. Series of unrelated oneshots featuring the one and only ADORABLE Sleepy!Lock! Fluff abounds.
The Hand You’re Dealt by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 12,092 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Light Violence, BAMF John, Doctor John, Injury, Friendship) – Sherlock, John and several others are trapped in a building when an explosion disrupts the crime scene they are working.
A Building of Bridges by Unique (K, 12,325 w., 3 Ch. || Drama, Alternate First Meeting, John’s PTSD / Flashbacks, Mute John, Dialogue-Heavy, Caring Sherlock, Friendship) – No one would ever send Sherlock in to diffuse a stand-off; but on one unlikely day, that’s exactly what happened. “Congratulations, Lestrade,” he called out sarcastically. “You’re traumatizing a war veteran.”
A Different Kind of Love by Svenja The Strange (T, 12,357 w., 6 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Romance, Five and One) –  The five times people noticed and the one time John did. A collection of oneshots (some short, some longer) raising the issue of Johns endless dilemma of being deemed for Sherlock’s boyfriend.
Always the sun by Rose de Sharon (K+, 12,377 w., 3 Ch. || Song Fic, Alternate Post-TGG, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection / Reflection, Injury Recovery, Obsessive / Protective Sherlock, Nightmares, John’s Past, Bed Sharing / Cuddles) – Sherlock ponders about how much his life has changed since John has become his flatmate.
A Study in Linguistics by rizandace (T, 12,425 w., 1 Ch. || S1 Canon Compliant/S2 Divergence, Friendship, Slices of Life, Communication, Cranky Sherlock, Hospitals, Sherlock Whump, Pet Cat, Jealous John, Sherlock’s Violin, Anxious Sherlock, John Whump) – Sherlock Holmes and John Watson had their own language. It was a language of few words and minute facial expressions, and John had learned that it was nearly the only way to have an honest conversation with his eccentric flat mate.
Red-Handed by englishtutor (K, 12,682 w., 6 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, John is Stabbed, Panicking / Worried Sherlock, Alternating POV’s) – In which an accident occurs which might change everyone’s life; or it might solidify already blossoming relationships. A re-working of my original story, taking place four days after “Dancing Around the Subject,” when John and Mary get engaged.
Shuteye Shenanigans by Ayakae (K+, 13,263 w., 8 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Epic Bromance, John’s Nightmares, Angsty Fluff, Bed Sharing, Humour, Cuddles, Taking Care of Each Other, Domestics) – John Watson has never slept with Sherlock Holmes. Never ever ever. And never will, thank you very much. Well, there was that one time, but John didn’t count that. It was completely different, just like the second time it happened. And the third. And the fourth. Epic bromance, but it can be read as pre-slash if you wish.
Understanding by rizandace (T, 13,268 w., 15 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Worried Sherlock, John Whump Then Sherlock Whump) – Sherlock’s hiding something about his newest case, and John wants answers. Set post-TGG. Friendship fic, mostly, with brief entrances from Harry and Lestrade just for fun.
First Response by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 13,516 w., 8 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Five and Ones, Whump / Injury) – Five times John had to perform first aid on Sherlock and one time Sherlock had to perform it on John.
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hotchley · 3 years
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this is me saying you're a wonderful person for having ace representation in your novel. I love you /p
Aww thank you!!
As I was growing up (and even now to be fair) there was never really anyone that looked like me on tv- I can only name one character that wore a headscarf- and I wanted to throw in representation that just... existed.
Tristan is not a bad person because he’s bi, he’s a bad person because he is. Camilla’s not loud or outspoken because she’s Asian, she’s loud and outspoken because that’s the kind of person she is. Adelaide is a lesbian and that’s it.
Eleanora (the name is subject to change) is ace because... well why shouldn’t she be? She’s just this girl, going about her life, who wants to be a teacher. Her asexuality doesn’t influence her actions per se- it does make her suggestion funnier though- and it’s just... one small part of who she is. 
It’s also funny because the whole school system revolves around breaking people’s hearts and falling in love and she’s just like: but I don’t... I’ve never... eh, it’s chill, guess I’ll just focus on other things instead :)
Her thought process and character and all that stuff was actually influenced by me and my friends because they would always be like: Yeah, but don’t you want a relationship and a boyfriend and to go on dates and this that and the other? And I was always like: I don’t know, maybe one day, but right now... no? And there’s nothing wrong with that?
They would make it seem like the weirdest thing- we’ve had discussions since then so it’s not happened since- but that was when I was like: I don’t know whether this is who I am or not, but fuck it, I’m making an ace character. Nobody can stop me.
So yeah! This got rambly, but long story short: screw what other people say and give your characters whatever traits you want, because there will be someone out there that will thank you for it <3
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sapphosclown · 4 years
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alright ig i’m making andi mack tiktok headcannons
buffy:
buffy started off on dance tiktok and was having a good time but slowly she began falling into alt tiktok, but like, the really weird obscure stuff
at first she was like guys how did i get here help i’m scared but after a while she got used to it and found each video funnier than the last
she doesn’t really make much content
she’ll do funny trends like the “put a finger down” with andi and cyrus and various friends
the tiktoks of hers that really blow up are her following tj around basketball practice and annoying him or making fun of marty
most of her followers she knows irl
cyrus:
cyrus is definitely on political/gay tiktok
he doesn’t really like being on political tiktok cause it really stresses him out bc the state of the world is a mess but at the same time it’s how he keeps himself and his friends informed
in between the politics it’s gay people being funny telling stories or just making cool videos and cyrus really likes those
most of cyrus’s videos are with his friends, mostly tj
he and tj make a lot of Boyfriend content and that’s usually what blows up
cyrus will propose and idea and tj is usually very enthusiastic about it, sometimes more than cyrus
when he buffy and andi are hanging out, andi will be working on a project so he and buffy will make tiktoks about it and andi will be like i hate u guys
andi:
on gay art tiktok no doubt.
her whole fyp is just artists and most of the time it makes her feel super inspired but if she’s having an off day she gets sad and thinks she’ll never live up to those people (she does tho)
she saw a tiktok of someone making worm on a string earrings and she was like “oh my god i have to??” and then she realized how fun making earrings out of random items is (not to mention completely her style)
then she saw more and more videos from lesbian tiktok how making your own earrings is a lesbian thing
but andi’s just like “aw i’m so happy for them!! i’m sTraiGhT but i like earrings 😌🙈” (she hasn’t really thought about her sexuality much yet)
andi is actually kinda big on tiktok
she makes videos of her doing her projects, sometimes it’s tutorials, sometimes it’s time lapses, etc.
but people really like watching them
she also makes videos with bex bowie and cece a lot and her followers love seeing them
jonah:
i know what you’re all thinking but no, jonah is not on Straight tiktok and no, he does not make gross povs
i think he’s on the alt side, but the kind of stuff from summer 2019 tiktok, along with some animal videos
sometimes he stumbles upon gay tiktok and sees people talking ab being asexual/aromantic and it catches his interest but he can’t quite figure out why..
he doesn’t really make videos but the every once in a while he does they always blow up and he’s always really confused (but excited) and all his friends are like classic Jonah Beck
he has kind of a large following despite rarely posting and when he does it’s dumb shit
people have started recognizing andi jonah and buffy to be friends and people who really like them get really excited when they make videos together (also with cyrus they really like him but his only videos are with his friends
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foodbytesback · 3 years
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I Played Every Food Game in the Indie Bundle for Palestinian Aid
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In light of increased violence by the Israeli military against Palestinian civilians, several game developers have to come together to create the Indie Bundle for Palestinian Aid.  And with over 1,000 games (available at https://itch.io/b/902/indie-bundle-for-palestinian-aid until Friday for just $5, of which all profits go towards the United Nations Relief and Works Agency), it’s no surprise that there would be a handful of food-related games.  So let’s take a look at them.
I did, however, omit a few.  There were a couple of food-related text-based RPGs, which is ultimately not a medium that I’m familiar enough with to feel like I could talk about and do it justice (and also most of them required at least 2 players).  “Breakfast Cult,” ended up being more about cult stuff than breakfast stuff, which was disappointing (for the purposes of this, anyway). A couple, upon extracting the .zip files, seemed to be files of all Unity assets and no actual game, and eventually I kinda stopped caring.  Sorry if I missed any otherwise, I did my best to gleam through the over 1,000 titles in this bundle.
Ace Baker
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You’re presented with a list of ingredients with names that don’t resemble any food known to man, and it’s up to you to throw things together in combinations that will result in something that resembles a baked good before your partner comes home from work.  There are icons next to each item, which vaguely suggest what it is, but the whole point is to sort of work it out yourself.  I was just barely able to get a Perfect Cake before running out of ingredients, after countless Acceptable and Dubious attempts.  
The UI was simple but effective, and I was almost a little sad that the list of fake applications off to the side couldn’t actually be accessed. Most of the dialogue (which is very slim, and basically bookends the game) with your partner, Nora, would be clunky if it wasn’t so tongue-in-cheek about how Cyberpunk-y it’s trying to be.  The repeated use of “shiny” immediately brings to mind that one Spongebob episode where everything in the future is chrome.  The fact that the player character and their partner are both asexual (yes, that kind of “Ace” Baker) doesn’t seem to have much to do with anything at first, but it’s worth mentioning that this game was originally developed for an asexual game jam, so think of it as a game that started off as being about an asexual person and then they added the baking afterwards, rather than the other way around (And even then, who cares? If you’ve got something against asexual people, get outta here.)
My only real critique is that after a while, the music loop stopped, forcing me to sit in silence as I studied my baking grimoire. But again, this was a little game hashed together for a game jam, that, if for some reason you didn’t want to get the bundle, is actually free on itch.io, so can you really complain?
Hot Pot Panic
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What a classic conundrum: you’re at a hot pot restaurant with a friend, and, despite being all-you-can-eat, you have to control your appetite to avoid weirding out your friend.  There’s basically two mechanics you need to keep track of: cooking the food in the hot pot, and managing the conversation with your friend.  You click on the raw ingredients to put them in the pot, then wait until the sprites turn a golden hue and you start to hear a sizzling audio cue to eat them.  Meanwhile, you have to make small talk with your friend, and pay just enough attention to be able to choose the correct multiple choice response to any question or open-ended statement she ends her side of the conversation with.  But you have to be careful not to burn your food, however, because that won’t count towards filling your stomach, which you have to do before you run out of conversation topics.  The whole thing is a delicate balancing act.  I have to admit I failed at first because for some reason it didn’t dawn on me that you could cook more than one thing at a time?
The pixel art sprite work works very well; the foods are instantly recognizable and I could really  feel the judging glare coming from behind the friend’s thick glasses.  The background music perfectly matches the atmosphere, and, as already mentioned, other sound design elements like the sizzling cues from perfectly cooked meat prove to be vital to juggling the different elements of gameplay.  All in all, a neat little game that perfectly encompasses the feeling of anxiety that comes with wanting to not embarrass yourself in public when all you really want to do is eat.  
Putahe ng Ina Mo: Sinigang Edition
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Ok, I’m gonna try to be nice to this one.  On one hand, I love the aesthetic it’s got going on.  Upon opening the game, you can tell from the background music, which I can only describe as “whimsical mad scientist,” as well as a stream of emojis flying past, that this game is supposed to be very goofy.  Unlike other games on this list which were more point-and-click, the ingredients for your sinigang (a Filipino tamarind stew) can be picked up and thrown about as you wish.  The fact that the art style is very realistic makes this that much funnier.  
However, upon opening, the window forces a specific resolution that just would not work with my monitor.  This may seem like a minor problem, as I was still more-or-less able to access all the ingredients, but imagine the mental state I was in: I’m already confused, and then the second I clamp the lid on the pot, everything goes up in smoke!  How the fuck did I burn water? I ended up also watching a playthrough on YouTube, and they also, no matter what, burned the sinigang.   Considering the name of the game translates roughly to “Your Mother’s Cooking,” maybe the idea is that no matter what, you’re never going to make it as well as mom.  Or, considering my mom’s cooking, maybe it’s the opposite of that.
A weird, goofy little game that just didn’t seem to like my computer.  
Sangwish
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This is 100% in the vein of all those weird 2010s “[Mundane Thing] Simulator” games that were all the rage for a while.  No instructions, no objectives, just a pile of food for you to play with.  My immediate reaction was, for some reason, to grill the mysterious meat slices, but it turns out the stove there is just set dressing.  Giving up on such pointless gourmand pretenses, I decided to just make the biggest sandwich I could.  Eventually, there was so much on the sandwich that the bottom slice of bread started vibrating slightly, because physics.  Then I tried to put my knife in the sandwich, but the vibrations knocked it to the floor, never to be seen again.   Then I decided to throw all of my bread and most of the ingredients on the floor, never to be seen again.  Here is my end sandwich.
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Easily one of the sandwich simulators I’ve played all day.
Terroir
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Much like a wine with a good terroir, this is by far the most complex game on this list (muffled snooty wine snob chuckles in the distance).  The end goal is clear: grow grapes, make wine.  But, as you can imagine, you are completely at the mercy of the elements.  The ideal time to harvest your grapes is when they are at a ripeness of 4-6 out of 10.  However, the randomly-generated months gave me month after month of cloudy and rainy weather, not allowing my grapes to get the sunlight they needed to get their ripeness above a 1.  The only time my grapes ever hit a 6 was out of harvesting season, and by the time I was allowed to harvest, they had somehow dropped back down to a 1.  And as you can imagine, a bunch of 1-star grapes will only make 1-star wine.  The fact that I almost immediately got root rot didn’t help any, either.  And because I tried to expand too quickly, buying an extra plot of land when I couldn’t even afford the grapes to grow there, I was thousands of dollars in the red within 3 years.  
Is that a dig against the game? No. It’s frustrating, but in that way that games with a learning curve often are. The tile-based design is pleasant to look at, although much of the UI can be a little confusing to look at at first.  And, of course, most of the “gameplay” is sitting and waiting for the wine critics to tell you what a bad job you did.  Some of the few management choices you can make seem to not have much of an impact (my first wine wasn’t acidic enough, so I added pressed juice to my second batch that brought the acidity up to a 9, but then the mere act of bottling the wine brought the acidity down to a 4 somehow).  It’s an interesting concept for a game that I assume I’m just not getting, but might give another chance at some point in the future.
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