#yes I know I look very queer and like a boy that's the POINT

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Compulsory Heterosexuality Info Dump

So because a friend of mine didn't know what comp het was and their internet history is monitored by their parents so they can't just use google, I'm doing a very quick research dive and giving you guys the results in case there are others out there who are in the same situation. I'll also be tagging blogs bigger than me because again, there might be fellow queers out their who are in the same boat as my friend and I want them to have access to this information.

So what is compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het)?

Comp het is in essence the societal belief and enforcement of being straight.

What does this mean?

In basic form it means that the only options presented to everyone, from the moment of birth, is that of a cis, amatonormative, heterosexual lifestyle.

You are given two gender options, these gender options determine the two roles you're allowed to fulfill, husband and wife, and you are told that these two roles are what will make you happy and are what you are supposed to strive for.

Meaning society, if you are born AFAB, tells you you're going to one day get married, it's going to be a boy, and this is what will make you happy. Almost everything in life is then seen through this lens. How attractive your are, how you are supposed to talk, how you're supposed to behave, etc is all considered through the lens of if a man will be attracted to you.

On the flip side, if you are born AMAB society tells you there are roles you have to fulfill as well. You are told you will one day want a wife, that you have to be able to have a job to provide for her, that you have to behave in a certain emotional way to be strong for her, that if the things you like are too feminine well then you're gay or a girl which is a problem because at the end of the day you're supposed to want the girl-fiance-wife.

This literally just sounds like the patriarchy.

Yes, it does, because it's caused by it. Nowadays people commonly know about compulsory heterosexuality from the Lesbian Masterdoc, but the term actually originated by Adrienne Rich in 1980.

Adrienne Rich in her article Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence put forward three ideas, 1) that heterosexuality and lesbianism were institutions themselves/possible political ideologies, 2) that heterosexuality as a system if not constantly maintained and upheld would eventually crumble and 3) that heterosexuality as a system could be opted out of and actively fought against whether or not you were actually attracted to women/non-women.

This is very different from the way we currently think of and define those terms, I am aware of that, but her point does still stand to some degrees that comp het, cisnormativity and amatonormativity all crumble when we stop rigidly enforcing the structures that uphold them, i.e., the patriarchy, misogyny, classism, and racism.

Ok but like what does that actually look like?

It can look like a lot of things, for a lot of different people. In the Lesbian Masterdoc you see comp het presented from a straightforward lesbian lens (of a 19 year old figuring out and defining their own sexuality guys, I'm not gonna sit here and critique it and rip it to death, go do that somewhere else).

This is therefore presented through things like women/non-women who were raised/socialized as women possibly having crushes on men, but they're always unattainable in some way (celebrities, fictional, someone real but they wouldn't actually ever be able to truly be in a relationship with, etc). It might also show up for lesbians as liking the idea of a man but being uncomfortable when one actually wants to move forward in the process. Or even sometimes it might show up as sexual fantasies with men but they're faceless, they're more an idea, or you're actually viewing another woman sleeping with him.

This presentation of comp het has made a lot of bi/pan/mspec people uncomfortable because they feel they too have experiencing comp het and when reading the Lesbian Masterdoc it's presented as if experiencing this is a straight shot towards being a lesbian.

And they're right that comp het isn't experienced by just lesbians. For mspecs who present feminine/as women this could be in the feeling that they have to dress a certain way to be presentable, but presentable is based on appealing to men. This can mean something as simple as women are expected to wear makeup, always, regardless of if they're looking to seek men's attention or not, because that's the base standard.

For mspecs who present masculine this can look like the inability to express themselves in an overly emotional manner because that doesn't make them "strong" and if they're not "strong" then they won't attract women, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

For mspecs in general that can look like their queer looking relationships to be seen as a phase even if their mspec-ness is respected because of course they're eventually going to get married to a man/woman.

This can affect polyamorous cishet people in that they're seen as doing heterosexuality wrong because you're supposed to have the one partner and the 2.5 kids.

This can affect aspecs because they're told they'll never truly feel fulfilled if they don't have that boyfriend/girlfriend/partner to love them in a way that's so special nothing else could match up.

This affects all of us guys is my point.

How is this helpful to me?

Well for sapphics and lesbians (or sapphics/mspecs confused on if they are actually lesbians) this can be a helpful concept to consider because it can help you determine what relationships you truly want to pursue, which is the main point I feel is to be gained from the Lesbian Masterdoc. As she's put it "it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them"

So if you're a sapphic who experiences attraction to men but you honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider the idea of comp het.

If you're Achillean the opposite of this can be true, if you've been attracted to women before but honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider whether comp het is working on you.

For mspecs this can be a helpful term to throw over the table back at your parents when they ask when you're going to get a "real relationship".

This can be a helpful term to consider when asking "am I forcing myself to wear mascara because I feel this is the only way I look presentable or do I actually like mascara."

Or it can be a helpful concept to look back on when undermining our internalized ideals of misogyny, towards ourselves and others.

This is a helpful term to put in our tool boxes to talk about the harm the systems of patriarchy, classism, and racism impose upon us.

Comp het can help us to understand why so many people look down on polyamory as a legitimate way of life.

It can be a helpful term for aspecs who are trying to figure out if they really want to date/have sex, or if they just believe these are the only things that will make you happy.

In general

Compulsory heterosexuality is just another term to describe a system we are all intimately familiar with. But by giving us the words to describe our experiences, it gives us the power to communicate those experiences more effectively, and to possibly understand why we're experiencing them.

This is just a bare basic knowledge post.

Honestly if you have the ability to, as in your internet history is not monitored in the way my friend's is, I encourage you to go on the deep dive through the sources listed below. Many of them are honestly only 30 pages long, that's a relatively short read, and understanding queer theory like this not only helps you to understand your own identity, but the ways in which you are connected to the rest of the fellow queer community.

Sources

Lesbian Masterdoc

Queer Theory 101: Compulsory Heterosexuality

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

Normativities Defined

Taglist

I'm tagging blogs bigger than me so that this has an easier time getting passed around as I mainly talk about aspec issues because I am aspec, but as stated above, I wanted to make sure that queer people who's internet histories are monitored and are only able to find information through tumblr safely could do so.

@our-queer-experience @our-sapphic-experience @our-lesbian-experience @our-aspec-experience @our-polyamorous-experience @our-pansexual-experience @our-unlabelled-experience @our-aroace-experience @our-mspec-experience @our-questioning-experience @our-bisexual-experience

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq positivity #lgbtq history #queer history #comp het #compulsory heterosexuality #transgender #bisexual #pansexual #mspec #polyamory #queer

[star-anise]

So I've been watching this series of videos where a research-focused psychologist goes through Jordan Peterson's work to see which of his ideas and arguments are based on solid empirical evidence. I love it, even though she does mistakenly say his background is in counselling psychology (my field) when he's actually a clinical psychologist.

Anyway, that's got me thinking about Jordan Peterson, and how his response to criticism is, "People have been after me for a long time because I’ve been speaking to disaffected young men — what a terrible thing to do, that is. [...] I thought the marginalized were supposed to have a voice.”

So, here's my theory: Young men of the 21st century have grown up in a culture that is specifically hostile and punitive towards them. However, I think that while girls and women can participate in this culture, it is as much or more the work of boys and men. And I think that the problem with Peterson is that he's not particularly good at helping his audience escape the maze they are trapped in--and he's absolutely opposed to any attempt to dismantle a maze that is actually of fairly recent manufacture.

Case in point: The metrosexual.

The word "metrosexual" was coined in 1994 by Mark Simpson, a gay writer whose settings seem to be perpetually fixed at "critique the shit out of it".

"Metrosexual" describes heterosexual men who might be mistaken as gay, because they are interested in things very common among gay men, including: Caring about whether they're attractive; caring about how their hair is cut and what products they use in it; caring about what clothes they wear; working out to make their bodies look better; frequenting nightclubs. To be "metrosexual" was, in some people's opinions, to be a "man-boy" searching for his "inner girl".

To be metrosexual was, in some ways, to be called someone who looked gay.

The term didn't really catch on until the early 2000s, when media became briefly obsessed with talking about which celebrities were "metrosexual" or not. In that era of hotly divided opinions over the acceptability of homosexuality and queerness, it was implicitly asking, "Who looks gay? Is he gay? Tell me, fellow broadcaster: How gay does this guy look to you?"

(They got to have their cake and eat it too. A liberal audience, desperate to gather as many LGBTQ+ people and allies as possible in their race for 50% acceptance of gay marriage, cherished any signs that people with social clout might be on their side. And a conservative one, watching the same discussion, would heartily enjoy seeing a rogues' gallery of degenerate Hollywood types paraded before them, their every effeminacy pointed out in loving detail.)

Which of course got us: The Retrosexual!

When everybody's helpfully compiling lists of all the things a man can do that look gay or unmanly, dudes who don't want to get the shit kicked out of them by homophobes know all the things not to do!

Therefore, being "manly" became strictly defined by what was off-limits. To be a Real Man meant you shouldn't care about whether you're attractive, or what soap you use, or how your hair is styled. You shouldn't enjoy dancing or get too enthusiastic about music. A Real Man cares about sports and beer and being on top! Dominant!! A WINNER!!!

And, so like, here's a secret: In Anglophone culture, we are very affected by the Puritan legacy that says pleasure is inherently sinful. Vanity and pride--caring about how you look and whether you're attractive--are literal gateways to the Devil. Gluttony, and therefore seeking pleasure at all, is another such. And in Puritan religious theology, women are inherently more sinful. Yes, it goes back to Adam and Eve, and how Eve was tempted into sin first. Long story short, things associated with women became associated with sinfulness, and sinfulness became associated with effeminacy. And for centuries, you haven't even needed to be religious to drink these attitudes from the groundwater.

Okay, that's not the secret, this is the secret: Pleasure is not inherently sinful.

And liking how you look and feeling attractive and paying attention to your sensuality and your emotional life and connecting with art in a real and vulnerable way can feel really good, if you're able to handle it well.

Being raised to be a Real Man in a world where masculinity is perceived to be actively under threat is so uniquely painful, I believe, because every attempt to define yourself as "not gay" means denying yourself one of life's pleasures, and telling yourself you never even wanted it in the first place.

And then those desperate to be Real Men found a way to take some of those things back in what is surely the most painful context possible: They are allowed strictly as tools of your heterosexuality and masculine need for dominance. You are allowed to care about grooming and dancing, etc, purely as a strategy in playing a game called "Getting Girls", where you either score or you don't, where not scoring means you're worthless and unlovable, and scoring is often... strangely unfulfilling and certainly not enough to fill the aching void inside of you.

The mistake both Peterson and his fanbase make is that they get to this point, and then think: The reason I feel so empty inside is... I just haven't gotten enough girls!

Maybe some guys get out of the maze by finding a woman who is allowed to care about things like affection and love and dancing and looking nice, and their connection with her lets them express all the other parts of their souls that didn't fit in the Real Man box, but can come out in roles like Boyfriend or Father.

But humans aren't telepathic, so relationships can only "fix" you so much as you're willing to do the work of nurturing your own soul in a safe environment, so for a lot of men the maze never ends, and sometimes they don't even get the fleeting joys of relationships or sex, since they're so fucked up about them!

At this point, I as a queer woman am like, "Solution's obvious! Dismantle the maze."

And Peterson, who has worked his whole life to achieve the status of Best Maze-Runner in All of Christendom, is clinging to it like, "NO! DOWN, YOU DARK CHAOTIC MOTHER! THIS MAZE GIVES MY LIFE MEANING! THIS MAZE CONNECTS ME TO MY FOREFATHERS! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THIS MAZE!"

At which point, like... what can you do but just leave him there?

At least he's not in my area of specialization. The world would be too unkind if I had to deal with him in any professional capacity. I wish Clinical Psychology all their continued joy of him.

#feminist discourse #masculinity #jordan peterson tw #to be honest #the moment I learned he was from Fairview and went to the UofA I was like 'OH IT ALL MAKES SENSE' #it's not that all of Fairview is one way because Rachel Notley and other very fine people come from Fairview #but there is a specific breed of Guys Who Come From Fairview #Who Study Psychology At the UofA #Who Like To Monologue About Conservative Politics #I can't explain it #it's a type #iykyk i guess

[overleftdown]

this is going to be my somewhat-brief analysis (buckle in, it's not brief at all) of preluding scenes to farleigh and olivers... scene, lmao. because i can't read micro-expressions and social cues IRL, but i can for movies! also, i want to give my understanding of farleigh's character using the most substantial part of his arc. i disagree so much with a lot of people's takes on farleigh. i needed to talk extensively about it.

[0:58:46] farleigh makes eye contact with a footman. this is one of the footmen that farleigh mentions to felix in a later scene, which i'll also go into. what's interesting about this subtle interaction is how wildly differently you could consider it, depending on how you choose to view farleigh as a character. if you go the "mirror of oliver," route, then this eye contact could be the moment farleigh decides the route he's going to take to confront felix.

on the other hand, the hand that i believe makes more sense, farleigh is genuine in his confrontation with felix. the eye contact he shares with the footman is reciprocated; the footman holds it, even as his body pulls back and his head turns. this gives the idea that they are making a connection. the expression farleigh makes afterwards is also an indication that farleigh isn't plotting or scheming to earn pity points; he feels a connection and comradery with the only other black people at saltburn. when the footman turns away, unneeded anymore (this can be a parallel to farleigh), farleigh glances down, back up, then purses his lips. he looks dejected, in my opinion. this is immediately followed by farleigh's dig at oliver; "i think oliver looks like he'd rather throw himself out of a window.

food for thought.

[0:59:9] elsbeth: you can invite all your friends. farleigh: what friends?

this can obviously be a petty dig. and it is, in some ways. but i think a lot of these petty digs are because farleigh has been here before. he has watched his cousin drag home mediocre and tragic (presumably) white boys for perceived self-benefit. whether felix wants entertainment, wants to quell his guilty conscious (both of which are motivations for his mother), felix seems to have these fleeting possessive relationships with the friends he brings back to saltburn. he could also be queer and deeply repressed, lmfao.

i digress; farleigh is sick and tired. the first thing he says to oliver, before oliver even got to felix, was bitchy as all hell. after that, farleigh had more incentive to belittle oliver; yes, his comments about mannerisms, class, and overall character were petty. they were also all of the qualities that farleigh couldn't afford to have. farleigh is pointing out that oliver has no social life, yet still gets a 200-person party full of people that don't even know his name. this is tragically unfair, at least in farleigh's mind.

[1:01:25] felix: and fucking farleigh, what a little shit stirrer. oliver: well, someone has to entertain us all. felix: ...right. oliver: that's why we love him.

there's a clear disregard of humanity and depth, when felix concedes that farleigh is "entertainment." the sheer fact that felix would immediately believe oliver, a "stranger (as venetia so eloquently puts)" over a close family member, is odd on it's own. there are probably more reasons for distrust; everyone in saltburn is a shit stirrer, and farleigh does put on a particularly good show.

that's intentional, though. farleigh is very intentionally entertainment. otherwise, why would the cattons keep him around? they're welcoming people to their house as family, because they want a break from the reality of soul sucking wealth. because they want entertainment. elsbeth with her friend, who's only real personality traits are being pitiful and visibly different. felix, with his summer pet projects like oliver. farleigh can't be a temporary show; he needs to keep coming back. he needs sir james to support his mother.

[1:02:40] farleigh: i'm not saying my mother isn't completely idiotic when it comes to money. felix: you just have to be firm with her. farleigh: well i can't call her and tell her no! felix: i know, i know, you've said that. i know, i understand. farleigh: no, you don't know! you don't, it's humiliating. felix: it's very hard.

felix's approach to discussing other people's issues--that he does not relate to--makes me giggle sometimes. not that he's malicious or a fumbling idiot, but because of this scene specifically. in just this chunk of dialogue, you have the "i understand" and "you don't understand" conflict. an age old one. a common representation of someone who has never lived a specific struggle yet frames themselves as knowledgeable. felix seems to enjoy the "it's very hard" verbiage. the manner in which he speaks to oliver about his supposed impoverishment and struggles is very similar to the way he speaks to farleigh, in this scene.

i don't know what else to say about this. you can make your own inferences on felix's dialogue, i suppose.

[1:02:50] farleigh: i'm sorry, but it's a bit fucking shitty. you're all throwing oliver a party for 200 people while my mother lives in squalor. felix: well, she's hardly living in squalor, mate. farleigh: well she can't pay her bills so she will be! okay? at the rate she's going, she will be.

GAH. again, this dialogue can be considered in two different ways. farleigh could be hyperbolizing in order to play into the catton savior complex. or he could be completely genuine in his anxiety surrounding his mother's finances. it's very important that you recognize the fact that farleigh isn't arguing about himself, in this situation. he's talking about his mother. later in the conversation, he recenters himself as a person of color. but the original conflict is about whether or not his mom is living comfortably. this arguably affects him, but not entirely. he could continue to maintain his oxford-student-and-saltburn-resident character and continue to frolic around while his mom struggles to make responsible decisions.

[1:03:02] felix: right, well that's exactly why dads concerned about helping her. he doesn't want to enable her. he wants her to learn how to stand on her own two feet. farleigh: yeah, like he does?

and farleigh ate.

[1:03:09] farleigh: i mean, you know how this looks, right? making me come to you with a begging bowl. felix: what are you implying? farleigh: i think you know what i'm implying, felix. why don't you ask liam and joshua? felix: who... who the fuck are liam and joshua!? farleigh: ...your footmen.

farleigh's mannerisms in this portion of the scene GAG me. the easy confidence, the self-assured and confrontational attitude. the cocky wave of his shoulders and tilt of his head. he smirks, scoffs, makes and holds eye contact as emphasis to what he is accusing. the way he says "i think you know what i'm implying" even though i'm not quite sure if felix did. this really hammers in the implicit nature of the cattons' treatment of farleigh.

[1:03:33] felix: oh, oh. that is... that is low, farleigh. farleigh: okay. felix: jesus christ, mate! seriously, is that where you wanna take this!? farleigh: right. felix: make it a race thing!? what the fuck! i mean, we're your family, we hardly even notice that you're... different, or anything like that! farleigh: mmm. felix: i never know our footmen's names!

GAGGED. i eat up this scene and lick my fingers. "wohohoho, i don't see color! i can't believe you'd make it a race thing!" i know i should cut felix some slack, but this is just a little too real. although i've cut farleigh some slack for his classism.

the complete change in farleigh's mannerisms from the previous timestamp to this one is EDIBLE. i can't cope with it. his smile as felix says "that is low" is so painfully real. it says "i've been here before and maybe i was expecting this." for a second, felix is almost entertainingly cliche. then the exasperation hits. farleigh just looks tired. he blinks rapidly, smooths over his eyebrow with his hand, vocalizes his disbelief in felix's denial. "we hardly even notice you're different," to which farleigh crosses his arms (defensive), raises his eyebrows, nods along.

i won't include the final few lines of this conversation cuz i'm blabbing FAR too much, but farleigh's expressions of absolutely exhaustion and disappointment as felix says they've "been more generous then most"... i'm so sick. it doesn't matter what other families would do, because this family passes out charity like it's their favorite pastime. farleigh is your best american girl.

oliver, overhearing this conversation, immediately knows what his next plan of action is. compare himself to farleigh. and really, it's funny, because oliver misses the obvious differences between him and farleigh. just like everyone else. he will never feel different, not in the same way farleigh does. not with farleigh's relationship to the cattons, the legacy of his parents, and his blackness.

[1:06:32] (godfather's karaoke scene, AKA apple bottom jeans. he's a disgusting manchild and he throws his jacket at his wife.) is it odd to point out that another one of the only visible black characters is being degraded/mistreated/disregarded? not crazy, right? especially following the conversation about bias two scenes ago.

[1:07:02] farleigh: y'know, i think i'd fuck richard the III. he's so insecure, so you'd know he'd put in the work, right? oliver: or you could just fuck me, right?

here, i think there's a level of projection that farleigh is using in his line about insecurity. not only is it made known that farleigh uses sex as a tool (with teachers, specifically), but it's also made known that farleigh believes/knows that he is treated differently due to his race and/or family history. oliver seems to have clocked this, considering he relates himself to richard the III, then tells farleigh they have similar experiences.

[1:07:34] oliver: y'know, if you ever wanna talk to anyone, you can talk to me, farleigh. farleigh: ...what do you mean? oliver: well, i know you're going through a hard time at home. i know how that feels, when things are so precarious. it's terrifying... and lonely. and it must be so fucking weird, having to ask them for everything. and i know you fucking hate me. farleigh: i... i don't hate you. oliver: but... if you ever wanted me to talk to them, to see if there's... if i can help in any way... just ask. farleigh: ...okay.

i love this movie. have i said that yet? i bet you definitely couldn't tell by this post. this conversation is so... there's so much to talk about.

i'll start with some of my favorite of farleigh's mannerisms/expressions. when oliver first cuts their... tensions with "you can talk to me," farleigh pulls back slightly, sits up slightly, looks across oliver's face. there's a level of shock to it, but. farleigh was comfortable with oliver, his sworn enemy, flirting with him. yet, he pulled back at a genuine offer of support. some see this as farleigh always wanting oliver sexually, but i think it's more nuanced than that. when oliver says "terrifying... and lonely" that's when the camera cuts back to farleigh. he previously wore a half-smile that is now dropping; "lonely" was the hardest word to swallow. his lip is quivering. he looks up in an almost-eye roll when he says, "i don't hate you." he's laughing when oliver finishes, like he finds it all funny, yet the way he says "okay" makes him seem genuine. however... clearly not, considering the next portion of this scene!

even though oliver is lying out of his ass, everything he's saying is a description of farleigh. people grossly misunderstand farleigh's character, even when it's laid onto a banquette sized table through this portion of the movie. he's insecure, desperate, terrified, unsure, and lonely. farleigh, with so many friends and so many scandalous choices, is so fucking lonely. he knows he doesn't belong here, so he jams his ill-fitting puzzle piece into the saltburn jigsaw and crosses his fingers.

he tells oliver he doesn't hate him, and he looks like he's struggling to spit it out. he looks up towards the ceiling, closes his eyes like he's gathering himself. again, people take this as a bonding moment. the next portion of the scene contradicts this. honestly, i'm not completely sure, either. i think he's honest when he says he doesn't hate oliver. so, what? he's jealous, definitely. he wants to hold the same power as oliver, a foreign entity with somehow so much more privilege than farleigh. maybe that bred a certain kind of infatuation; the need to emulate what you'll never be. of course, he sees himself in the boys felix brings home; they, just like farleigh, need or want something from the cattons (although i object to the idea that farleigh is somehow "a mirror" of oliver). do what you will with this word vomit, i don't know where i'm going here.

and OH MY GOD "if you ever wanted me to talk to them, to see if there's... if i can help in any way," is diabolical. so terribly diabolical. the sheer idea that oliver knows, is pummeling it into farleigh's face, that he has authority over farleigh's life like that? that he knew felix for six months and he can somehow "talk to" farleigh's family about treating farleigh better... vomit inducing. farleigh is actually your best american girl.

[1:09:39] (karaoke scene) elsbeth, so uncomfortable with the idea that oliver is using them. i suppose that's the manner of wealthy people; they don't want to believe that they're only good for their money. but... they did that to themselves, in a way. they enjoy the pet projects, the charity work, the ego boost that comes with inviting the "lesser" to saltburn. hanjob on a haybale, golden big boy summer, right? everyone in the room is scandalized. farleigh is having the time of his fucking life. yet, here's the kicker,

[1:10:10] oliver: this is your song too, farleigh. come finish it. farleigh: only if you insist!

and then farleigh gives the performance of his life, by the way. people died. but... nobody is uncomfortable. literally no one. no one shudders or gasps at the scandal of oliver saying "this is your song, too" over the karaoke microphone; everyone heard. nobody cares. they all know. they start clapping farleigh on, cheering. elsbeth relaxes back onto her bed of cushions, because farleigh is entertaining. the change in mood is soooo... interesting.

[1:10:45] curse this scene, i don't even want to talk about it. it was hot, oliver and farleigh are so homoerotic, whatever yadayada. just like every other sexual scene in this movie, it is riddled with a suffocating kind of uncomfortable tension. we are made intimate third-party witnesses to carnal, sinful, emotionally ambiguous scenes. when i pointed out farleigh seemed more comfortable with flirting then comfort, when i said farleigh uses sex as a tool, when i said farleigh was projecting with "he's so insecure, so you know he'd put in the work." i just overthink. but any person that has sexual relationships with teachers needs intensive therapy and that cannot be denied. however, it's oliver, that uses sex as a tool throughout this movie. another uncomfortable parallel between the two characters.

something about farleigh's expression throughout this scene is... kind of hurtful. the way the moonlight just barely illuminates the light in his eyes, whereas any detail of oliver's face is shrouded in darkness. it make's farleigh look young, innocent, real. (sidenote, as i'm watching, i have to mention this. the way farleigh says that second "no" is so funny. "...no...?" LMFAO). man, i don't even know what to say, past this. the whole dominant dynamic, farleigh saying "i'm going to behave" is a little too painful considering the context leading up to this scene. it's freaky. it's so very oliver.

this is way too long but i could make so many more connections with their final confrontation at oliver's birthday party. i'm drowning in thoughts. what i really wanted to highlight was how ambiguous farleigh's character is, and how differently a lot of his scenes can be perceived. i've decided that farleigh is a sympathetic character, similar to oliver but so much less powerful. some people hate farleigh! so. there's that. the end! thanks to anyone who read this whole thing!

#farleigh start #again... i love him #he's my king #my mitski #my roman empire #he's a little too real #saltburn #oliver quick #aaand i hate that guy #felix catton #he's on thin ice #i didn't mention venetia at all #my bad #she wasn't really doing much in this portion of the movie #am i insane? #was this a crazy thing to write #someone should validate me #farleigh help help help #farleigh? that guy #farleigh catton #which isn't his name but whatever #saltburnnnnnnnnnn #saltburn 2023 #you're the sun #you've never seen the night #but you hear its song from the morning birds #well #i'm not the moon #i'm not even a star #but awake at night

[unclewaynemunson]

Wingman Wayne AU pt6 yaaay! | AO3 link

The next time Eddie sees Steve, he knows immediately that the thoughts that kept plaguing him late at night weren't induced by some weird chemical unbalance in his brain caused by eating too much cheese or taking one pill too many. No, those thoughts were very, very real. Because Steve is looking absolutely breathtaking in his stupid tight jeans and stupid green polo and with his stupid wild hair that Eddie just wants to run his fingers through and those goddamn stupid pink lips. Shit.

'Lookin' hot today, big boy,' Eddie blurts out before he can help himself.

A frown appears between Steve's stupidly perfect eyebrows. 'Don't do that, man,' he says, avoiding Eddie's gaze.

'What?' Eddie asks, as if he doesn't know exactly what Steve means: Don't mess up our Very Platonic friendship by getting feelings for me. That wasn't what we agreed upon. Well, it's already too late for that anyway. And honestly, whose fault is that? Exactly, it's the fault of Steve's stupid lips.

'You know what I mean,' Steve says. He's still not quite looking Eddie in the eyes and Eddie feels guilty immediately.

'Sorry,' he says. 'Won't happen again, friend.'

It's only awkward for a minute, until they're both sitting on the couch in the Munsons’ trailer and Eddie easily launches into a whole monologue giving Steve the latest gossip on Wayne's colleague Jimmy because he ran into Jimmy's wife at Melvald's, and he immediately gets reminded why it's so nice to have a queer friend, because, in contrast to Jeff or Gareth or even Wayne, Steve understands exactly what he means when he says “straight people” in a lamenting voice and doesn't get confused when he goes into a minutes-long rant about “straight culture.”

'Dude, stop, you're doing it again,' Steve suddenly interrupts him at some point.

Eddie stops mid-monologue to give Steve a confused stare. 'What?'

Steve nods towards the place where Eddie's hand is comfortably resting onto Steve's knee, fingers stretched all the way into his thigh. Like it belongs there, somehow. Like it’s something natural.

Eddie clears his throat as he pulls his hand away and crosses his arms to keep himself from unconsciously reaching out for Steve again. Is it really that bad to have me touch you? he wants to ask – but he doesn't, because he isn't a completely terrible friend.

'My sincerest apologies, comrade,' he says instead, before he picks up where he left off in his story, trying to act like nothing happened. But Steve doesn't really seem to listen anymore; his gaze keeps wandering away and he barely even shows any investment in the gossip that he usually loves so much.

'You okay, Stevie?' Eddie asks.

A blush starts creeping over Steve's cheeks.

'I don't know how to tell you this without making shit even more awkward,' he says, 'but you staring at my lips for like ten minutes on end is also part of the things you shouldn't be doing.'

Fuck. Eddie is pretty sure that his own cheeks are rapidly starting to reach a shade of red that matches Steve's. He wants to apologize, but somehow, the words get all mushed into something else while they make their way from his throat to his lips, and what comes out is, 'Is it really bothering you that much?'

Steve stares at his hands. 'Yes,' he says softly. 'Yes, it is.' He looks up at Eddie again, and there's a look in his eyes that Eddie doesn't quite recognize.

'Eddie – you were the one who insisted right from the start that nothing about me would attract you, remember?' he says. 'You were the one who proposed to be friends. And I was fine with that, because I wanted to be your friend, and I thought I could keep my feelings under control. So please don't make this any harder for me than it needs to be.'

Eddie's heart is suddenly beating in his throat, his hands sweaty.

'Jesus, Steve,' he says, his voice barely more than a whisper. 'I'm so sorry.' He stretches out his hand, gently letting it land on Steve's shoulder – but Steve immediately gets up from the couch, as if Eddie's touch is burning him.

'Don't,' he says, his voice suddenly cold with frustration. He starts pacing back and forth through the tiny living room. 'Now you're just being cruel.'

Shit. Eddie squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. The memory of Wayne's soft voice echoes through his head: Can't you just... talk to him?

Of course Wayne was right, he always is. Eddie should know that by now. It's terrifying, the thought of actually talking to Steve - but Eddie knows that he's the only one to blame for this mess, so it’s only fair that he should also be the one to fix it.

'What if I told you I was wrong?' he blurts out before he can change his mind like the coward he is.

Steve freezes in his tracks, finally looks Eddie in his eyes again.

'What if I told you I've been a fucking idiot all this time?' Eddie continues, his heart beating at a nauseating pace now. 'What if I told you I was – I was expecting another Chad, back when my uncle told me about you, and I really didn't want to repeat that same shit again – and you've been continuously blowing my goddamned mind ever since we met. I really, really wasn't planning on falling in love, but Steve, you're fucking fascinating, and with every little bit I got to know you better, I started falling a little bit harder.'

Steve finally takes his place next to Eddie on the couch again, looking at him wide-eyed, lost for words.

'You're the most interesting person I've ever met,' Eddie continues, because he simply has to say it all now, 'and you have such a big heart, and – and I haven't been able to stop thinking about your lips for days – and I really didn't mean to hurt you. I should've given you a fair chance right away and I'm so sorry and –'

Steve suddenly launches himself at Eddie and shuts him up by clashing their mouths together slightly too forcefully, breathing into their kiss and only slowing himself down when he realizes that Eddie isn't going to pull away, that Eddie isn't going anywhere – and Eddie tangles his fingers into Steve's majestic hair as he finally gets a taste of that fucking addictive strawberry lipgloss. It’s exactly as sweet and soft and perfect as he imagined it would be and it might just have become his new favorite taste in the world.

'Jesus H Christ,' Eddie mumbles when they finally break apart, both panting and chuckling shakily. 'Uncle Wayne's gonna be so fucking annoying about this.'

Pt7

Can I just say that all your “look eddie it’s the consequences of your own actions!” comments on the previous part had me giggling kicking my feet?? U r all so right but also eddie is a complete idiot no i won’t take criticism. I am LIVING for all those sweet and funny comments / tags, it means the world and I am cradling them all in my hands <333

(Also everyone saying they feel like a burden asking to be added to the taglist, noooo!! It only takes me a couple secs and it honestly makes me crazy happy that so many of you are invested enough to want updates! I am hugging all of you!!)

Taglist: @phantypurple @love-kurdt @eddiemunsonswife @mackdaddyofheimlichcountyy @swimmingbirdrunningrock @paintsplatteredandimperfect @stevesbipanic @momotonescreaming @yourebuckingkiddingme @th3-r4t-k1ng @messrs-weasley @moonshadows-13 @im-sam-fucking-winchester @xjessicafaithx @yournowheregirl @henderdads @lwhoscribbles @courtjestermunson @steveisabicon @rainydays35  @cassaloopa @skeliiix @thesuninyaface @silversnaffles @jestyzesty @4nemo1egend @ace-of-foxes @harringtonsgother @thegingervulcan @snapshotmaestro @thereindeerlady @jillfriend @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @gamerdano @spectrum-spectre @zerokrox-blog @00biscuit @mixsethaddams @steve-the-hairrington @episcogoth @caligularib @gaydrieeen @winterbuckwild @bookbinderbitch @daysarestranger @nonbinary-eddie-munson @fangirltofangod @solalasoforth @obsessivlyme @slit-wrist @fxndom-hoe @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @joruni @roastingdragon @lenore1232 @princessstevemunson @cuips-not-cute @munsonsuccubus @justalittlefungi @cherrycolas-things @nitrilexam @thepainisspicy @hopefulslothcollecter @whatisreggieshortfor @doctorqueensanatomy @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @sadcanadianwinter @iamsotiredman @orangeandthefairroadkill @anything-thats-rock-and-roll @b-icetea @freddykicksasses @faery-god @poleaxed-aloe @mamaclownhunter @paperbackribs @blvckwidow @mightbeasleep @butuglypeoplefucktoo @lolawon @angryavocadofrog @iwouldsail @livelaughlexa @magpiemuseum @shushuac  @ravnlinn @homohomohoe @kissaphobic-kas @cmackz93 @your-greatest-queen @alltheweirdkidsinoneplace @soulsofstarsliveinyourveins @ceaselessly-watching @anaibis @enchantedlandcoffee @fluffy-alpaca-of-darkness @nelotegreitic @mollymawkwrites @evix-syne666 @redfreckledwolf @ajamlessbaby @connected-dots @nothisisntmyname @steddieassheg0es @anxiouseds @summer1066 @loopholesinmydreams @mareydi  @lillemilly @this-is-moony-lovegood @qomrades @mad-h-w @gay-stranger-things @blanketlicker @fandomcartographer @adankrivervalleynearyou @undreamingscatworld @theysherobinbuckley @i-wanna-combust @stranger-poets-society  @fanshipgirl88 @nonhetbts @literallyjustarat @knitsforthetrail @limpingpenguin @spoopy-rayvynnnox @impeachy @ashwinmeird @7boxesofcheerios @nonsense-of-dimitri @azreadytodie @fuctacles @fuzzyduxk @pluto-pepsi @bornonthesavage @what-am-i-doing-with-my-non-life @alanna342 @jinxjinn @ali-just-ali @piningapple @captain-daryn @namelessssho @doltclassic @elsarenard @ramyayaya @my-heart-is-stopped @lightwoodbanethings @goblin-eddie @indie-npc

#only one part left my friends #don't mind me rambling about stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #fruity ficlet

[aroaceconfessions]

so you know how a lot of queer people grow up in a homophobic and purity obsessed environment? i feel like i almost had the opposite. i grew up in a relatively sex positive household with decent enough sex ed at school. abstinence was never pushed on me. i didn't grow up feeling like there was anything wrong with queerness... unless that queerness was aromanticism and asexuality. yes, i was lucky to grow up in an open minded household, but that doesn't mean i had a perfect childhood. no matter if you grew up in a conservative environment or an open minded one, if you're an aspec kid, you gonna get fucked up.

if you grew up conservative, it might seem like a virtue at first. you're one of the "good" kids because you're not interesting in dating, you're perfectly happy to "wait" because you don't understand what the rush is. until you become an adult and suddenly you're hounded with questions. why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? who are you going to marry? when are you going to marry? when you get married you'll be able to have lots of sex, as a reward for waiting. what do you mean you don't actually want sex? that's unnatural. you need to reproduce. now it's no longer a good thing to be disinterested. there is something wrong with you.

if you grew up in an open minded environment, it's very isolating. from my experience at least, you're hyperaware that everyone else is experiencing these feelings that you don't, and everyone is saying how normal it is, all teenagers have these feelings. you're not interested in boys? it's okay to like girls. look how progressive we are. why do you still look lost? who do you have a crush on? when are you going to start dating? why can't you be a normal teenager? you'll understand when you're older. sex is a normal and expected part of being an adult. why do you look uncomfortable? when are you going to lose your virginity? virginity is shameful. it means you're ugly. what a loser.

so yeah. i guess i'm lucky to grow up in the household i did. i'm trans and so grateful my family is supportive. but they don't know about my aroaceness. it's the part of my identity that makes me feel the least safe. i feel like i have the opposite problem of an allo person who grew up conservative. i'm an aspec person who grew up in an environment where sex was seen as normal and healthy to the point that not being interested was seen as abnormal and unhealthy. no matter what, aspec kids are shamed. the best case scenario would be a gay kid growing up in the latter situation. there is no best case scenario for aspec kids. and there won't be until aromanticism and asexuality are given widespread awareness and acceptance.

Submitted May 13, 2023

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #aro #ace #arospec #acespec #arose #transgender #trans #enby #nb #nonbinary #non-binary #non binary #acephobia #aphobia #arophobia #amatonormativity

[andy-wm]

I have thoughts about the Tiktok JK deleted

<<I realise its a few days ago now and you might be wondering 'what tiktok?' but I've been writing in snatches when I have a few minutes so it took a while. Anyway, here it is...>>

A few posts I've read have suggested JK did the silly>sexy Tiktok challenge backwards. That he did sexy>silly instead. That he was being random and funny.

I disagree.

What he did was unexpected, a little left of centre, and for the people who can read subtext, not random at all but very very clever.

I'll tell you why, (It may not be what you think) but first I need to vent about two things:

1. Give the man some credit. He knows what he's doing.

There are some who love JK but who see him as a naive innocent. He is not. He isn't a child or a himbo.

Saying he did the challenge just because it's trending, and he reversed the order of the content for a bit of a joke, is insulting to him as an artist. It would suggest he has no forethought or understanding of himself or his (global) audience, and his decisions are made on impulse with no idea of the consequences.

He's very intelligent and has plenty of experience with digital media and creating content. Besides being involved in producing complex visual narratives as part of BTS for the last ten years, he has directed and produced seven highly polished and professional GFC videos. And don't forget the MVs for Life Goes On. For the October issue of Vogue Korea he took on the role of Creative Director. That's a pretty big deal. So we can assume he knows what he's doing.

If he produces content in a particular way, it's because it enables him to communicate what he wants to communicate.

2. You may not understand the message. That doesn't mean there's nothing to understand.

A heads up to people who can't work it out... your inability to grasp meaning doesn't equate to 'no meaning exists'. Suggesting that people who recognise what he's doing are reaching or delusional is an insult to both the audience who can read this situation, and to Jungkook, who is sharing his message.

Consider a system of writing you can't decode. Lack of comprehension doesnt mean the writing is meaningless, it means you don't understand the language.

Even if you believe you understand what's being said, please recognise that context may play a role too, that it could reveal a richer and deeper message. Don't just assume the easiest (laziest) interpretation is correct.

(You may have guessed, someone suggested I was 'behaving like the cult' when I pointed out that JK's tiktok was more than being funny ... and now I'm mad 🤣)

Vent over. Now back to he topic at hand...

💜💛

What was he was really doing? And why is it not at all random?

Let's take a step back to recall what army has been saying about this...

Almost every interpretation i read suggests he reversed the order (silly>sexy becomes sexy>silly). The reason given is that his tiktok only makes sense if the order is reversed, and this idea is backed up by the caption saying "I go the other way".

But the 'reversed order' theory is based on a hereronormative perspective of what's sexy (and a stereotypical perspective of silly.)

So consider the content of his tiktok from a queer point of view...

For a man in a relationship with another man, the idea that he's with all those women is silly.

It's silly to believe he's got a girlfriend - or several. It's silly to think the womens' names in the song are relevant to him.

He posted this tiktok at a time when he's releasing music that fits the western pop norm of boy + girl, and when rumours of him dating several women at once are rife. The timing is not a coincidence and nor is the choice of background song for this.

All these assumptions and rumours are pretty silly, JK is telling us.

Now let's talk about the second part, the sexy part. Yes it may look silly on the surface, but we have seen him and Jimin make dorky faces at one another when they're flirting. It seems to be the visual equivalent of calling Jimin 'Jiminssssi'.

It's just another way they create distance and avoid 'getting caught'.

Maybe sexy for Jungkook actually is lying on the couch in your sweatpants making corny faces at your boyfriend.

Remember that he puts out 'stereotypical sexy' on command as part of his job so maybe that doesn't feel very sexy to him. Maybe that's work.

In my view (I know this is subject to interpretation) they've been together for years now. This is not the first flush of love. When you've been with a partner for a while, sex is (hopefully) more fun and less serious. Maybe it's about having the confidence to be wholly unselfconscious.

(My partner makes a Pepé Le Pew face at me when he's goofing. No, i don't know why either... 🤣🤷)

But wait, what about that caption?

What about 난반대로 간다?

My beautiful Korean friend (who sadly has zero interest or care about jikook) confirmed the literal translation:

"I go the other way"

"I take the opposite direction".

It's not "it goes the other way" or "this goes the opposite direction". He's referring specifically to HIMSELF.

Jungkook goes the other way.

But it's more than that according to my friend.

It's a bold statement:

"I don't follow the mainstream."

It reminds me of his tattoo ...

RATHER BE DEAD THAN COOL

He doesn't do things just because everyone else is doing them.

"I don't follow the mainstream."

OK. HOLD UP.

This is where it gets interesting.

Then why would he do something as mainstream as a trending tiktok challenge? Especially something as vapid as this challenge?

And why would he tell us DURING that Tiktok challenge that he DOESN'T follow the mainstream?

And then delete it.

Creating content takes time.

And we know he's a busy man.

He's about to release an album. He's doing live performances. He's prerecording for music shows. He's overseas right now... for the fourth time in a month! Does he have time for this??

And he DELETED it...

Did he just WASTE all that time?

No, he did not.

He deliberately chose to do this.

He did it knowing ARMY studies every action, every video, and every media release.

He did it knowing ARMY would already have copied the video before he took it off his profile.

He said on Stationhead that he knows ARMY has it, and is sharing and posting it. He's FINE with that.

So he took the time to create and upload that video. He wants it out there.

He just doesn't want it on HIS page. That's an important part of the story.

So lets go back to the caption.

"I take the opposite direction"

"I go the other way"

"I don't follow the mainstream."

*Said boldly* remember. It's a loud statement, captioning an otherwise pointless very mainstream trending challenge.

So if he's not referring to tiktok itself, or to uploading challenges, what could he be referring to?

...

...

There's only one thing left: Himself.

I take the opposite direction

I go the other way

I don't follow the mainstream

Essentially... I swing the other way.

There's no way a queer man would make that statement and not fully recognise the message he's sending.

As for deleting the video, I'd say he knew it was too risky to leave on his profile, being a celebrity in Korea. He's managing his brand. Deleting it also gives him plausible deniability. He can say he made an error. As I said, he's very intelligent. He knows ARMY will see it and share it. He knows that those of us with a queer eye will hear the message loud and clear.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 And we do hear it. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

#jeon jungguk #jikook #kookmin #국민 #jungkook

[dekusleftsock]

Sigh… the newest chapter.

Very beautiful, very wonderful. It’s gorgeous looking, so much time and meaning put behind every single panel.

These two panels have been the most interesting to me though.

The first, where the last tear falls away, and the second, where the first leaves flow freely through the spread.

And don’t you worry, I saw that parallel immediately.

“And save people by winning.”

Still, I can’t help but feel as though these panels are still SO DIFFERENT from then!

First of all, the light in Izuku’s eye, the one that really makes the admiration and love pop in this image—it’s missing. Completely.

And, in the second one, where the tears have fallen and the leaves have come, that one is still shaded in darkness. Izuku still has no light.

So yes, has Izuku calmed down? Absolutely, but it still has this underlying melancholic atmosphere. Everyone else has a sense of success, everyone else is THANKFUL that Katsuki has saved allmight from the brink of death, he has won by saving someone—but don’t we all remember Bakugou Katsuki Rising?

You know, the chapters where everyone thought Izuku was just SO heroic and SO amazing, except for Katsuki who knew that something was very very wrong.

And this time it isn’t Izuku almost dying for everyone’s safety, it’s Katsuki—can Izuku’s heart really handle that right now? Right after he just got up?

Can Izuku control himself under all this weight?

(Ofc I gotta throw in the girls, they’re the representatives of love for this series for christs sake)

Izuku is selfish, we all know this now, so where will this selfishness take him?

Because I know for damn sure that, if I have Izuku’s character right, if I have Hori’s themes down…

Idk I just wanna see him lose control. Right in front of Katsuki. Because my god this boy can mask his queerness when he wants to.

Because what happened to THIS?

Where’s that melodramatic passion?

Why is he not allowed to see it Izuku?

So I can see two ways this can go:

Izuku, at some point while Katsuki is awake and alive, loses his shit at Katsuki getting hurt or a comment that targets Katsuki. The way he WANTS to lose his shit.

Izuku attempts to sacrifice himself much like Himiko did for Ochako, solidifying their parallels even more. (Himiko is not dead and I don’t mean that in the “oh I’m delulu!” way. Y’all it just doesn’t make sense you guys realize that right. The same way it didn’t make sense to kill Katsuki. LIKE COME ON)

Personally, while I COULD see Izuku doing that, because he would do anything for Katsuki, I don’t think he’s gonna have the option to. Not only that, but I think that the first option is far more interesting for ALLLLLL the reasons above.

Izuku is known for being sacrificial, it would be far more interesting to have Katsuki have to assure him and calm him down in some way (it’s also the queer connection. I find this extremely important. We need a scene for bkdk like we had for the spirited away scene for tgck). Not only that but Izuku very much needs to have that moment where the story creates that wall that directly tells him he needs to change. It needs to challenge him, emotionally. And not in the panic, big fight way, but in the “Katsuki has to see the things Izuku still performs for him” way.

Katsuki needs to see how Izuku feels, because Izuku isn’t good at telling him that.

AND HE STILL HASNT

HOW LONG WILL YOU DRAG THIS SLOW BURN HORI IM SO.

Anyway, my main point is that Izuku WONT be able to control himself anymore. Just one more thing, one more comment said in just the right way, and it’s over.

That confrontation is the one that I’m waiting for. Because Izuku still isn’t happy, this chapter isn’t happy—it’s laced with insecurity, despair, heartache, and a deep sense of loss.

And it’s hopeful! Very very hopeful, because that’s what mha IS, but you can’t read this chapter and tell me that Izuku right now is happy, in love, over the fact that it’s Katsuki who has to save allmight.

#bkdk #midoriya izuku #mha deku #bkdk brainrot #bakudeku #bakugou katsuki #bnha deku #mha analysis #deku midoriya

[omegalomania]

What are some of your favorite aro-/ace-coded fob lyrics?

oh fuck yes a little bowl of seeds just for me

boycott love from disloyal order of water buffaloes is a personal favorite of mine. its a lyric i really really want tattooed at some point. that's not the only lyric i latch onto from an aro perspective but it's probably the biggest one

basically the entirety of it's hard to say "i do" when i don't but a special mention goes to you are appealing to emotions that i simply do not have as well as the only ring i want buried with me are the ones around my eyes

it's true romance is dead / i shot it in the chest and in the head from the music or the misery is also a favorite of mine, also just that whole song in general

i thought i loved you but it was just how you looked in the light in hum hallelujah resonates with a lot of queer folks i've found, and it's no different for me

same goes for it's a strange way of saying that i know i'm supposed to love you from g.i.n.a.s.f.s.

i'm outside the door, invite me in / so we can go back and play pretend from alone together brings me back to when i was trying to perform heteronormativity/amatonormativity even if it was making me miserable

i also hold to a very similar vibe with she said "i love you 'till i don't" / i am just playing house, no idea what i'm doing now from sunshine riptide and also most of burna boy's verse, frankly. i fell in love but i didn't fall down and feel like i'm bulletproof, baby in particular

american beauty/american psycho, particularly the first verse. i think i fell in love again / maybe i just took too much cough medicine

golden is a big one for queer folks in general i've found. the chorus especially hits hard from an aro and/or ace reading. and i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies / and all the lovers with no time for me

i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth is a heavy song no matter how you slice it. but that chorus gets to me in particular: we can fake it for the airwaves / force our smiles, baby, half-dead / from comparing myself to everyone else around me

the kids aren't alright reads to me as one big anthem for platonic love above anything romantic, which resonates super hard with me. the second verse has a lot of good lines that i latch onto from an aroace lens too. your love is anemic and i can't believe / that you couldn't see it coming from me

pretty much the whole chorus of HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T does it for me, and those verses have got some good aroallo vibes too! i never really feel a thing... confidants but never friends...

the whole of fake out is a gimme. that chorus rings real true. starts with love is in the air, i just gotta find a window to break out and finishing with but it was all a fake-out

i've got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers is one that has another highly applicable title but the whole refrain of the truth hurts worse / than anything i could bring myself to do to you paired with the one-two punch of that second verse REALLY gets under my skin

and of course, the culminating one: you are what you love, not who loves you from save rock and roll. obviously there are a LOT of ways to read that line

there are a couple other songs i latch onto - wilson (expensive mistakes); a little less "sixteen candles", a little more "touch me"; the (after) life of the party to name a few - but the ones listed above are the big lyrics that resonate with me on a personal level

just in general i have a shitton of fob over on my aro playlist (which doubles as a general aroace/queer playlist but has a lot of emphasis on aromanticism) in case i forgot to mention anything but like i said those are the big ones

#askin hours #anon #happy aro awareness week lol ive had this in my drafts for mONTHS and forgot about it #sorry it took so long to answer i have a million asks in my inbox and just do not have time most days #go listen to aromanticism by moses sumney for black history month and aro awareness week btw #now THAT there is an album that rewrote my neural chemistry

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Talking Buddie Language: Ep 6.14

I’m gonna start off by saying I really enjoyed tonight’s episode even though we didn’t get much Buddie scenes together. We have been so well fed this half of the season so I knew it was coming soon. However, I really do think we got a wonderful Eddie centric episode that is possible to set up his next character arc. And most of that arc, in my opinion, will be coming to terms with who he is as a person and figuring out who he wants as a romantic partner. I think he’s afraid to let himself think of that partner because of the deep rooted fear he has of being left alone. I got to say, there’s a lot more gifs than actual analysis this time around but they’re all important to the meta. So I hope you all enjoy 💜

Meddling Tia Pepa

I was really looking forward to Tia Pepa’s return but because my foolish, naive heart thought she knew about the Buddie of it all. Boy was I wrong because she was back with one goal in mind and that was to set up Eddie on a blind date. She literally called him over under the false pretenses of needing his help, thus blindsiding him with a girl she wanted to set him up with. I will say, I have missed the Diaz family and it was nice to see her back.

The moment Eddie turns around and sees the girl, Vanessa, he immediately freaks out. That entire scene at Tia Pepa’s house was very queercoded and I’ll get into my reasoning as to why.

E: What did you do Tia?

P: What has to be done.

E: You tricked me…into a blind date?

He is actively freaking out the moment he sees her and you can tell by the way he scratches his head. He turns around and wants do make a run for it. When he questions Pepa, his eyes are wide and he is in complete disbelief because he didn’t think she would do something like this. What man would act like this upon walking in and seeing a beautiful girl who is someone they could very well date? Oh yes a queer one.

Pepa isn’t having any of Eddie’s questioning and counter questions him into confessing what else he has planned for the day, only to prove her point.

P: What were you doing right before I called?

E: I was… at home. Christopher spent the night at a friends house. I-I didn’t have time to figure my day out. It’s Saturday!

The way he immediately avoids any and all eye contact, and looks to the side indicates he is trying to come up with some explanation that is very clearly a lie. He hesitates, and has to gather his thoughts to come up with a plausible answer, and that is what gives it away that he’s lying. Pepa also catches on to the fact that he lied to her. Now we can all speculate all we want but something tells me he wasn’t just at home doing nothing. We know, especially in recent episodes, that any time he’s not with his son, he is often found hanging out with Buck. So I found it really weird how he had to actually lie to his aunt about his whereabouts.

P: Aye Edmundo, it breaks my heart to see you alone. It’s been too long. You need to do something or you’re gonna be alone forever.

E: Tia, I can’t marry someone just cause you say so.

Literally who the hell is talking about marriage here?!? It’s so interesting to see the way Eddie’s mind works when it comes to relationships and dating. This almost confirms that he’s never really dated anyone just to date them. You can kind of infer from this moment that he probably had to marry Shannon because of outside forces and they didn’t really get to date. And he was most likely with Ana because he believed, once again due to outside forces *Bobby*, that he needed to marry the perfect woman on paper. Because she would’ve been a wonderful mother to Christopher and his son loved her. It seems as though Eddie has not dated somebody who he himself wanted to date. And he sure as hell didn’t date anyone without the impression of it becoming a legitimately serious thing. So I think this opens the door for him to really question what dating means to him and who he wants to choose as the person he does date. It also indicates that he is looking to marry someone eventually. And some thing about this scene just made me think that he has possibly considered getting married again and possibly even gone as far as to say he might know who he wants to marry, but doesn’t think it’s an actuality. These are just some thoughts I had after watching this whole scene with his Tia. There’s definitely something under the surface for sure, and I think this episode is slowly hinting at it.

The 118 Have Opinions About Eddie’s Blind Date

I love when we get to see the firefam discussing literally anything about their personal lives. It really just drives home the idea that they’re an actual family and that they all found each other and built this family together.

C: So how'd you leave it?

E: We were gonna text each other to meet up.

B: I mean you could always conveniently forget to text her.

C: He's not gonna ghost her Buck.

E: Yeah, she already texted me.

I really love how last episode we got to see Eddie acting jealous over Buck mentioning all the women he has slept with. I have mentioned it many times on my blog how Eddie is very overtly obvious when he is jealous. Buck, on the other hand, is subtle with his jealousy. This entire time they're talking about Vanessa, the only thing he contributes is suggesting Eddie ghosts her. I mean is that how a best friend would act if they were genuinely supportive of their best friend dating again? Even the way he sits down and looks all petty at Eddie indicates pure jealousy over this topic of conversation.

E: Now I gotta figure out how to let her down easy.

B: Ooh, you're not good at that.

E: No, I'm not.

One thing I love about this specific moment is that even in the episodes where we do not get a lot of Buddie moments, they will throw in something that makes us remember just how close these two are with each other. This was a direct callback to Eddie breaking up with Ana by telling her to just go home. There is no way Eddie didn't end up confiding in Buck, his literal go to confidant, about that whole mess. So Buck mentioning that little fact just drives home the fact that these two are very close and tell each other almost everything. Which then begs the question, why isn't Eddie just discussing this with only Buck. Makes one question the real reasoning behind the fact that we never see them talking about their possible romantic partners unless it is to get advice when it is falling apart.

(Gifs by @matan4il)

E: Well she seems nice. She already picked the place.

B: Ah.

E: I just hate being forced to a date. Feels like I have to perform.

Once again, the fact that the frame focuses on Buck, with his arms crossed, closed off and keeping him safe and away from being hurt in this instance, to simply nodding his head in a very jealous way is definitely something. He is the only one who seems to be that interested in Eddie's plans with Vanessa and it goes to show once more that he is not really being as supportive as he could be. These men both do this all the time when there is another woman involved. He is definitely not happy about Eddie going on this date and I don't blame him considering he was dressing up nicely just one episode ago to go out with Eddie.

I also really love Buck's reaction when Eddie says that he feels like he has to perform. He is confused but he smirks because he can't believe Eddie just said something like that in front of everyone. He basically laid all his cards out in front of him. What he said, about having to perform is also very queercoded, because it indicates him having to put on a facade to be able to date a woman, when he doesn't really want to. Almost as if he really isn't all that straight and knows he has to force himself to be in the right mindset to make everyone else around him happy. Buck seems to be questioning what Eddie could possibly mean and you see that with the downturn of his lips here.

Then Hen, or as Chimney so lovingly says, Tia number 3, comes in and questions Eddie. The camera also panned to her when Eddie said the bit about having to perform and I find it interesting that her reaction was very "I know what you are."

H: Or maybe you're anxious about said performance.

E: Anxious? Who's anxious?

H: It's ok to feel nervous. Vanessa's probably at work right now, panicking too.

E: I do not panic.

No, no, of course you don't Edmundo. You also totally didn't end up in the hospital because of a panic attack at the idea of being married to a woman. He is so silly and I really want to bring back mirroring because he is mirroring Buck here. We all know Buck always talks with his mouth full and I don't believe we have seen Eddie talking with his mouth full before. Either way, when you hang out with someone too much, you start adapting all their habits and mannerisms, the good, the bad and the ugly. Here he has definitely adapted Buck's bad habit of speaking with his mouth full and it really makes me giggle because it's such a small thing but it shows how similar these two have become.

This entire scene also was very Eddie being somewhat repressed and in denial about it. Him telling Hen he does not panic, when we all know he had panicked with Ana is definitely important and I believe it's going to play a key factor in his upcoming character arc.

The Fake Date

Ok I got to say how it was such a deliberate choice in having this date come after the poker game from last week because the differences are insane to me. Not only did Eddie channel Buck from the poker game with his outfit, but he didn't put the same level of effort in this date with Vanessa as he did when he went out with Buck. He's just wearing a simple suit and he doesn't really seem to be into the date from the beginning. Whereas last week, we had him in that plaid blue suit, with the turtleneck and his fancy gold watch. He also could not stop looking at Buck, whereas he barely even looked at Vanessa in the beginning of their date.

Not only that, but he literally was there to let her down easy, which he started to explain when he said, "Full disclosure," but was cut off before we can find out the reason why.

Some key takeaways from this date that really convinced me that it was not special and nothing important for the future were the following:

— He was being friendly with her, as he is with every other female friend we have seen him interacting with.

— He was understanding when she explained to him about her ex-fiance and how she is definitely not ready for anything serious

— His little "I do" moment was very much like that moment in 4.05 when he told Buck, "I know you did." The same softness sure, but this lacked the fondness and love his eyes hold anytime he's talking to Buck.

— He took out his phone to take notes. Literally what successful date includes note taking?

— He didn't seem mesmerized by her at all. He didn't have that twinkle in his eyes when looking at her. She was fun and sassy and he smiled at her, but it was nothing that would rival his special Buck smile.

— When she leaves, the biggest thing is that he does not turn his head to look after her. If he had truly been interested (or straight) he would have watched her walk away. BUT he did not. Instead, he kind of smiled and shook his head in disbelief that she bested him before he could. He also let out a breath of relief, because the man really did not want to be on that date. He didn't seem upset or heartbroken in any way. The only look I can describe this as would be possible bafflement at how his night went down considering he came in with one thing on his mind and that was taken from him when she ended it on her own.

Eddie's Date Review? No Sorry Performance Review

I found it hilarious how Eddie was really thinking about how Vanessa pulled a fast one on him.

E: Sorry uh, it's a lot to process.

BN: Didn't expect the brush off huh?

I don't know why but this moment reminds me so much fo the moment between Buck and Eddie in 5.02 in the bunk area when they're discussing Ana. The way Eddie avoids looking at Buck and tells him "Just feels like a lot man."

E: Not gonna lie, it's probably the worst one yet.

BN: Wait, you didn't even want this date.

E: Yeah so it shouldn't be bothering me right?

Well the reason this is bothering Eddie very much is because he is the guy who likes to have his control. The things that he cannot control are the things that end up bothering him the most. So here he isn't really thinking of a missed opportunity. No he is thinking about how he had a plan to go in there and tell Vanessa that she is a nice girl but he was not ready for a date. He probably had something else he wanted to say but that opportunity was taken from him when she didn't let him finish what he had to say. So of course this is on his mind and of course it will be bothering him for a while. Because Eddie Diaz likes his tight grasp on things he can control and when that's taken from him, he starts to spiral.

E: Maybe Hen's right. Maybe, maybe I'm anxious about not performing.

Again, this man is thinking about the fact that he has to perform. He cannot date a woman and be himself because he does not want to date women. This reminds me of that moment between Buck and him in 5.11, where Buck tells him, "You don't have to pretend with me." That's is isn't it? When Eddie is with Buck, there is no need to put on an act or have anxiety over it. He simply exists and is who he always has been. There is no need for a performance or to pretend to be someone he is not because Buck knows him and he accepts and loves him for who Eddie is entirely. And that is what they are showcasing here. How Eddie may need to perform with women, but when he is with his right partner, he can be who he is and know that he will love him anyway.

I love how Bobby gives Eddie the kiss of death AGAIN. Any time this man gives anyone relationship advice, they are immediately doomed. We saw it with Eddie and Ana in s4. So this only sets the curse for whatever other dates Eddie may eventually go on and that makes me laugh.

BN: Maybe it's time to find the right work/life balance.

E: Feel like I have that. Me, Christopher, we're a good team.

BN: You're a great father. But there's more to life that I think even Christopher would agree. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you get back out there.

This is the second time they allude to the fact that Eddie is alone in raising Christopher. First Pepa said it in the beginning of the episode. Now Eddie mentions how it is just him and Chris. The weird thing with this is that we had 3 episodes before this that showed how intertwined the Diaz boys are with Buck. They showed what a family unit they three are and how Buck can be viewed as a wonderful partner and coparent to Eddie. Christopher begging Buck to come back home when he was in a coma was like any child begging their parent to come back to them. Eddie crying like the grieving widow he was did not indicate him being alone in this world. Not only that but just the episode before this they gave us heavy family feels with Buck and Eddie helping Chris with his homework and then Buck baking cookies for Christopher's class. So this begs the question, why the incessant need to mention that Eddie is alone when we all can see that he is not.

A part of me believes that maybe it's possible that outside to the Buckley Diaz trio, not a lot of people are aware of how close they are to each other. I made a post about how it's very possible people do not even know about Eddie's will because of what it can very well symbolize. Maybe Eddie does not want people to know how important Buck is to him because then he has to answer questions about that. Questions that he may not be fully prepared to respond to. Maybe this is his way of keeping his heart safe by not acknowledging the importance of Buck in his life just yet.

E: I feel like I haven't had a chance to really uh, collect my thoughts. So let me go out there and do some collections.

It's funny how he mentions this to Bobby before he heads out because from every thing we have seen up to this point, it is Eddie not really thinking about certain things in his life. He has not really collected his thoughts and come to the conclusion as to why he is so content with how his life currently is and why he does not need to date anyone. I think this foreshadows Eddie really taking some time throughout the next few episodes to reflect on his current life and think about things and choices he's made. I hope we get to see some of those thoughts and the conclusions they bring forth.

Buck, The Nepo Prince of The 118

I love love loved the cute little father/son performance review moment we got. I got to say, it definitely felt weird to see Buck have such little lines but I was also glad for it considering so many of the recent episodes were all Buck centric.

B: My PT scores are not right there. They're low and you marked me outstanding.

BN: Yes, considering...

B: Considering what, that I uh had an accident on the job, but I recovered.

BN: Buck, you died.

B: Yeah, so what, you're just gonna take it easy on me forever?

BN: Buck, I don't think that's entirely inappropriate.

The fact that we have had someone tell Buck he has died every single episode since he work up is very interesting and a little morbid. It is clear as day that man has not fully recovered or made his peace with the fact that he died. He keeps making light of it and avoiding talking about his feelings about it. The only time we saw him be somewhat truthful was with Eddie in his kitchen in 6.12. And given what we know about the next episode and him being intrigued by a death doula, I can see why they keep mentioning it to him. They are setting up the storyline to turn into him getting some actual help about his death and eventually making his peace with it.

Tia Pepa Comes Clean

I love how Eddie could not even fully remember the lie they came up with about the fake date. He immediately slips up and Tia Pepa catches onto his lie before he even has a chance to go any further. He told her that the date went "great" and that they decided to stay friends.

E: She was...very nice.

P: You're never gonna see her again.

E: I'm sorry Tia. I'm not ready.

Once again this goes to prove that any time Eddie has dated someone, it has been at the persistence of someone else. He only went along with it to appease his aunt and even then, he did it knowing his heart was not in it. He needs to learn to make these choices for himself and only himself. If something is not broke, there is no need to fix it. If Eddie is not ready to date and he is completely content with how he is living his life, it is not up to his Tia or anyone else to meddle into it and tell him how he should be living it. This scene once more further shows how queercoded Eddie is because there is something he is just, unable to say out loud to her in this moment.

When Pepa comes clean about her first marriage and how it took her 6 years to get over it, Eddie is visibly upset and can't believe this was kept from him. Now, why would he be upset at some family secret that’s been kept from him? Well given his reaction, I’d say it was important to his own history, which is why he was taken aback by the news. Eddie was also married and he seems to come from a very clean cut traditional family where divorce is not an option. So considering Shannon not only left him, but came back only to ask him for a divorce, really affected him for a long time. He felt like a failure and was mad at a dead person for a while there. Now, finding out that Pepa was also divorced and then found the love of her life, it connects him to her even more. There’s another Diaz who had a failed marriage but was still able to move on and find their right partner in the end. It almost gives Eddie hope and you can see that with the final moment he shares with his Tia.

P: I was getting set in my ways, and the longer you are alone, the easier it is. I don’t want that for you.

E: Me either.

Eddie has tears in his eyes and he really understands where his Tia is coming from. He knows she means well and he resonates with her. But this also leaves the door open as to yes, maybe he is open to finding the right partner, but how he plans on achieving that is where things get tricky. I really do feel like it’s possible that they are going to further develop. His character arc into him dating some people, and realizing why things are not working out with each person. Because deep inside, he has to know that he has already found that person. I just feel like he is very afraid to allow himself to feel the things that he does, and to want the person he does. But I think this episode really opens the door for him realizing he’s ready and he needs to go on this journey to find his perfect partner (we all know he’s found him. Now only he needs to figure it out himself.)

Ravi Comes Home

The reason I want to mention Ravi is because he said something that really made me think of Buck and Eddie. When he was telling Chimney about what happened with the accident, he says something about how, “But what haunts me isn’t the one that I lost. It’s the one I saved.”

Now why the hell would this remind me of Buddie? Well let’s take a look at Eddie and his partners shall we. When Shannon, his wife and mother of his child was in an accident, he could not save her. He had to sit there and watch her die. And that did affect him for a long time, and he was traumatized by it.

But then his work partner and other coparent was struck by lightning and literally died for 3 minutes and 17 seconds. Now who was the one that got his heart beating again?? Eddie. Eddie was able to save Buck. But he stood there for days and mourned because he didn’t want to live a life without Buck. He couldn’t look at him, he was crying and dressed like an actual widow. Not just that, he clearly has unresolved feelings about that whole thing because we saw him mention it to Buck in 6.12 about how he died and he’s allowed to have feelings about that. And he was quick to correct Chief Williams when she mistakenly mentioned how Buck was dead for 3 minutes. Eddie knows how long, down to the second he was dead for because in those 3 minutes and 17 seconds, he had to live his worst fear. And I feel like the fact that he did end up saving Buck haunts him every day.

It was so nice to see Ravi back with the team. Eddie and Buck hugging him like he’s their little brother was so wholesome. Buck lifting Ravi up while Eddie looked on with a big smile on his face was what we all needed. The final glimpse of Buck and Eddie in the background all blurry was wonderful. They’re clearly close as ever, considering they once again, do not know what personal space is. I also love the fact that you can see Buck in his blurry form, leaning his head on Eddie’s shoulder.

(Gif by @whosoldherout)

I personally can’t wait to see where their storylines go from here. I’m being optimistic and still think it’s really inevitable that they don’t get together romantically. I’m excited for this ride and can’t wait to see what the read is the season brings us.

Once again, thank you to @aa-lionheart for all the lovely gifs. I adore you tremendously. And thank you to each and every one of you who reads this through. I appreciate you all more than you’ll ever know 💜

#Buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #ravi panikkar #bobby nash #pepa diaz #911 spoilers  #911 speculation #911 meta #911 on fox #buddie meta #buddie language meta

[echoes-of-mia]

okay this is a long ramble and kinda personal, so bear with me, but i want to talk about being aspec in the joker out fandom bc I'm full of emotions and i need to share them somewhere

(just a short warning for internalised aphobia before i go on)

for context, i identify as aspec, more specifically asexual and some flavour of aromantic. I've known about the ace part for about 3-4 years now, the aro part is more recent and I'd say that before, lets say, a couple of months ago, I'd always seen that as something negative, something that makes me miserable, a deficit that will always be there and that others will never understand

and then i joined the (tumblr) joker out fandom around... june of last year, probably? and at first i thought "theres no way there are many queer people in this fandom, its essentially a boyband, and other aspec people? no way"

well, oh boy was i wrong

because not only is this fandom, like what, 90% queer? (i know someone made a poll at some point but i dont remember the percentages) but it's also around 50% aspec. and there's just this general positivity and support surrounding the a-spectrum in the fandom. like, some days ago there was an aphobic comment somewhere and before i even saw it my dash was FLOODED with people defending aspec people and i was just sitting in the kitchen reading through the posts and crying.

and yes, this is tumblr, i could have seen this coming and it's probably different on other platforms, but so many aspec people in one place, in one fandom, is still something that I've never experienced before.

so why are so many aspec people drawn to a slovenian indie/shagadelic rock band that, at first glance, is just 5 very good-looking probably-straight guys making music? that doesnt really make sense, right?

and then you see how much more they are. how they interact with each other. how comfortable they are in their sexualities, in their masculinity, in being themselves. you see a group of friends that love each other so unashamedly it's a bit unbearable to watch sometimes. you don't see them holding back because "thats not their partner!" or "that's reserved for romantic relationships!", you just see love. you see them supporting each other, being physically affectionate, looking out for each other, laughing together, even living together. vse kar vem could easily be a romantic song, but it's about their friendship!!

and what is all of that, if not THE dream of many aspec people? to be okay with not feeling sexual or romantic attraction because you have your group of friends that you love the same amount as allosexual/-romantic people love their partner(s) and to show it, and to know that they love you the same (and won't replace you with romantic partners) because they also show it, without thinking twice about it, without thinking about how others might interpret your relationship because it just doesn't matter as long as you love each other.

so of course aspec people see themselves in joker out. we see hope for ourselves in them, we are probably a little (or in my case very) jealous of their friendship, we want what they have or we just love to finally see real people live with the sort of affection we would like to have. (just to clarify, this is based mostly on what i feel, so other aspecs might feel completely different about this, idk why I'm trying to generalise this)

and this is about all five of them, but to take jan and nace as an obvious example: they love each other so much that the fans start to speculate, and they know about it. but instead of hiding their affection, they just keep on doing what they're doing. because they know how they feel for each other, and it's no one else's business, and they won't be stopping their love just because of "conspiracy theories". and to me it doesn't matter how they love each other (platonic, romantic, whatever), it matters that they do and that you can't help but notice it, because they show it in every interaction we see of them. the damon baker photoshoot just confirmed that, they look at each other and the amount of love makes me cry, it's so incredibly beautiful.

(just some other things i want to mention: them probably cooking mostly potatoes because nace is glutenfree. nace calming down bojan after his panic attack in summer. jan and bojan casually kissing on the lips during a concert. the jure and bojan getting married photoshoot. bojan touching kris's hair during concerts. kris being carried around during a photoshooting. jure and jan drawing a heart together. them gathering around jure's drumset during concerts. i could go on but for my sanity and yours i won't, there are so many moments that just make me soft)

I'd love to be more physically affectionate with my friends, but every time there's this voice in the back of my head saying what society has conditioned it to say, which is that that kind of affection is reserved for romantic relationships, and this voice stops me every time. i feel like bojan, jan, jure, kris and nace either don't have that voice (anymore?) or they've just managed to ignore it, they don't hold back and i admire that as much as i wish i could be like that.

and while i still have a long way to go until i can be affectionate with my friends without worrying about it or holding myself back, joker out have shown me that it's possible, because of them i finally have days on which i think that i can be aspec and actually happy about it. being aspec finally feels as freeing as it should feel and I'm just grateful

joker out has allowed so much queer joy into my life without intending to and although i don't think anyone i know irl will ever understand this, i hope that some of you can relate to this in some way.

I've said this a lot during the past two weeks but i can never say it enough: all the love to my fellow aspecs, and also to all the non-aspec people who support us <3

feel free to add to this if you want to; my dms are always open if you want to talk about it without posting about it, i love hearing other people's thoughts about stuff like this ^^

#i really want to write sth like this about gender too bc thats also connected to all of this #special love to sonja for all the moments of self-discovery we've had in the past months 💚💚 #joker out #personal #thanks for listening to my rambles <3

[jiminsass-istant]

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE HICKEY

This post was triggered by an anon moving around in these spaces trying to explain away the hickey/bite moment as something trivial. I will save my thoughts on the hickey for the end of this post.

First of all, to that anon- Get off your high horse. Not being a shipper doesn't make you superior. You are probably one of those cringey people cancelling queer armies on tw!tter these days. Now readers, sip your drink as you read this short think piece-

OT7 Captains in the fandom bubble:-

I really don't get the superiority complex of so called OT7s who love to live inside this cute little bubble they have created for themselves or as they call it nowadays:- " a curated tl". Cancelling people everyday and actually driving people away from the fandom. Every bio says "multis, solos, shippers dni". What are you afraid of? Little pixels? I have personally followed solo fbs of all members and boy the things I have found! They can get extreme at times, but it takes 2 minutes to fact-check their claims and draw your own conclusion.

I follow wholesome ship pages too, they are a great way to not miss out cute moments between various duos. If you are blocking them out, you'll be swept into whatever the OT7 decide the important interactions are. 🤷

Have y'all watched 'The Social Dilemma' on Netflix? I would actually want all bts fans to give it a watch. A very prominent tech figure admitted that she follows a good number of Tw!tter accounts that disagree with her to ensure that she gets to see all sides and all opinions. When you deliberately 'curate' a timeline to feed only your opinions, to make a 'safe' space that doesn't trigger you, without letting new thoughts penetrate it..THAT! That's the beginning of a cult.

Army is not a cult for defending BTS or for calling out billboard and other big authorities, but army is indeed a cult with the way they move against people within the fandom.

I said what I said.

With a curated 'OT7 captain' timeline, you start internalising things about the artists that the people you follow want to believe:-

1. All true army are OT7 and non shippers. 💫💫

Sure some of them are. But biases exist for a reason, right? If you think people don't run their bias's playlist more than the other 6, you are so deluded. Spotify wrapped'23 was a prime example. With the solo era, the rise of solo fanbases was unavoidable.

2. Your favourites are spotless, impeccable people. 💌💌💌

They are so not. They date, they make mistakes, they hurt people (like we all do). Heck, they might even offend certain groups of people, unknowingly or knowingly. Being ignorant is also a flaw.

3. Everything they say on camera is true.🙊🙊🙊

Everything they say on camera is what they want you to know. As Park Jimin of BTS, as Kim Namjoon of BTS and so on. And yes, your perception of them should be built based on their words alone, but it doesn't mean that you purposefully stay blind in a way that serves your personal projections onto the members. As Jimin once said " please take our words as they are"(Festa 2022). Read between the lines, and you get- "please do not make assumptions about us, please do not project past or future narratives onto us." No matter how much it makes BTS look like a saint, DO NOT paint them as perfect human beings just because they are your idols.

Once you get into the fandom bubble, you start rejecting all opinions that threaten to puncture that perfect bubble. In that process, you end up never getting to know about how some member promotions were horribly managed, how company delayed certain stuff, the obvious company agenda and different business strategies for different members. It's not about victimising members, but calling out the company when they make obvious mistakes. You do not see when hate against a particular member gets aggravated to the point it affects streams and sales.

And musical preference? The way the fandom just collectively decided that if you hate any song except 'ON ft Sia", you are basically an anti. I have no words.. I'll come out and say: I don't like DNA. SORRY JIMIN. Sure it's a great concert song, or maybe at a party, but it's never making it to my down-time personal playlists. Cancel me?

Top Social Artist?

This is my personal opinion. BTS having a huge presence on social media is both a boon and a curse. While it ensures that new fans are made everyday, the bts social media presence is an uncontrolled monster right now. Millions of insta, YT channels- most of them spreading a superficial image of BTS. It's for this reason, there are so many 'fans' out there who just love BTS for the few members and their visuals. I can guarantee you that they don't even know how streaming works, but they'll be sure to have an insta name like "mrs.jeon jungkook". If you made it to this part, I don't need to tell you how certain ships inducted their shippers through these very channels, spreading misinfo about the group dynamics and a completely manipulated idea of the boys, as if it's not real life, but some shitty bl drama.

While the company is obviously doing nothing about this mess, it is YOUR duty to focus on what's important as a fan and participate in projects that plan to counteract this mess. ( Of course only if you have time)

So..what does the hickey have to do with all this?

When you finally grow out of your perfect pure breed OT7 agenda, who considers this group of men a picture perfect family who can do no sin, you'll be ready to view the hickey/bite mark as a normal functioning member of the society who's in touch with reality.

Did I just write "pure breed"..

Let's say the hickey/bite does not actually mean anything intimate in a romantic sense. Sure. Even I think it was probably not an exclusively romantic thing. And this is coming from someone who ships them, but I do not see them as 2 people who are dating each other (because I don't claim to know their personal lives).

An older person biting the neck of a younger person long enough to leave a mark is NOT A NORMAL LEVEL of skinship. For friends, for family, for brothers. And this goes for Korea as well as at a global level. Not only k-jikookers but also k-armies had raised eyebrows when that happened. If you didn't raise your eyebrow at this, you need to go out more, have a social life, hang out with long term friends, idk.

But I'm sure if it was a man and a woman, you would have already declared that they are f@cking.

If you have observed jikook through the years, they have had an abnormal level of skinship that even surpasses skinship within their own group. Reminds me of the Butter photoshoot behind, where JK's hands so naturally slid under JM's crop top, like it was a usual thing. Now if one of them reacted differently or in a goofy way, I'd still brush it under the rug. But what had me scratching my head was the indifference. How close do 2 people have to be, for someone to SEARCH for familiar skin to touch?! Let's not forget how JK always touches JM's neck like a habit, massaging, holding, or just caressing, usually a little inside the collar.

Now if they were a man and a woman, you would have already declared that they are f@cking.

If you don't at the very least, acknowledge that it's an abnormally high level of skinship, and that jikook are at the very least, a highly interdependent, symbiotic, close, 2 souls-1 body entity, the closest duo in bangtan..then you are the delulu here. 🫵

I would advice such anons to stop visiting shipping spaces if you are bringing nothing to the table. (As I always say, opposing views are always welcome as long as you bring receipts and not hate). Maybe spend some time talking to real life people, couples, friends, you know?

#jikook #kookmin #fandom culture #bts army #bts #bangtan sonyeondan

[disasterbijamietartt]

Maybe I’m delusional and drank too much wine, but this is why Roy Kent being a closeted queer man explains EVERYTHING

While writing my meta piece about Jamie x Keeley I spent a lot of time thinking “What about Roy?”, since there are no convincing love interests for him aside from Keeley.

And, well, Jamie.

And for the first time I evaluated this as something that really could happen, since now there is the legit possibility that they make homophobia in professional football the prevalent theme in this season and having multiple queer storylines would help to illustrate different point of views and they could explore this with a Roy x Jamie romance plot.

And then I looked at Roy and … basically everything fell into place.

Why he represses his emotions, why he is so so angry, why he is so full with insecurities and struggles with his self-worth, why he is unable to show (physical or emotional) affection to a man without somehow having to taint it with an unnecessarily violent outbreak – the only notable exception being the Hug™️ in “Man City”. Something that hasn’t been addressed by anyone since then, which was a choice I always considered very odd, but postponing Roy’s character development to season 3 makes actually lot’s of sense, if Roy’s struggles are rooted in internalised homophobia. And if being queer in professional sports is the theme of season 3 like mental health was the theme of season 2.

Still makes his angry, violent outbursts really jarring and he has to show accountability, but if the pain he inflicted on others is related to the trauma of being forced to be in the closet for 25 odd years, that would be so heartbreaking. And it would fit into the theme of the show that actually good people like Rebecca or Jamie – and Nate once he gets his redemption – do unforgivable things and inflict pain on people who do not deserve it as a trauma response. Sure, it could be some other trauma – but this explanation would fit so well into this seasons theme, it just makes SO MUCH SENSE to me.

Also, Trent’s critique explains some of Roy’s insecurities, but he already was full of anger at seventeen, so the root of his anger has to be something different – and growing up queer in a hella homophobic surrounding since age ten and forced to stay in the closet unless he wants to throw away his dream career, if that is not a reason to be filled to the brim with anger, I don’t know what is.

And as far as I recall, the only people he actually physically attacks are Colin (the headbutt in 1x3) and Jamie. Then his beef with Trent.

In other words, we only ever see him being irrationally aggressive and violent towards queer coded or canonically queer men. Yes, he usually has reasons that are not related to (coded) sexuality – with the notable exception of “I have to headbutt Jamie before I hug him lest it seems gay!”

And the “ugly, ugly boy”-thing? Vanity is often used for queer coding. So Roy mocks something about Jamie that is queer coded.

This screams internalised homophobia.

But I hear the naysayer going “Aren’t you reaching a bit?”

Maybe, but let us take a look at some ways how Roy is queer coded that come to mind off the top of my head.

First of all: He canonically has a secret double life, where he is notably softer, hangs out with a bunch of elderly women who have no clue who Roy Kent, professional angry footballer, is, and does yoga with them, frequents gay bars, hangs out with drag queens and watches reality tv while sipping rosé, which is a sweet girly drink, like you know “vanilla vodka. such a child.” – in his “real life” Roy would never ever drink rosé or admit to anyone that he watched even a single second of “Lust Conquers All” by accident (Keeley definitely didn’t know, or she would have teased him with this).

Who else has a secret double life? Colin.

And while I hate to be “look, so many gay stereotypes!” … Look, so many gay stereotypes!

Also, both Julie Andrews and Madonna are gay icons? As are Stevie Nicks and Tina Turner

“The Sound of Music” (his favourite) is popular in gay culture and the nuns are implied to be lesbians?

He mouths along when Rebecca sings “Let it go”, with Elsa being queer coded and the song being a queer anthem?

And when I googled “A Wrinkle in Time queer” first thing I got was a paper by the Syracuse University titled “Unusual Children: Queerishness and Strange Growth in A Wrinkle in Time and The Giver”, which discusses the queerness of the main character. You know, the “Am I supposed to be the little girl”-girl?

This are all the pop culture references I could recall off the top of my head, there may be things that are not queer coded, but … one or two, that is a coincidence. Three or more, that is a pattern. You cannot convince me that the writer’s “accidentally” queer coded Roy so extensively if he is supposed to be straight.

(Dear god, the only thing about Ted Lasso that always disappointed me was the lack of explicit queer characters – like, I’d bet with you that the majority of non-queer viewers didn’t get Keeley’s “dip the toe back in the lady pool” line or Colin’s “oh like Grindr?” – and if they now go and make the third season queer as fuck? Bless them!

And just like the next level trolling by Phil and Brett if they were actually spoiling the big love story for years, while everyone thought they were just joking?)

EDIT: Just looked up Gina Gershon, who Roy said he dated once—guess what, according to Wikipedia she’s considered a gay icon 🙃

#jamie x roy #I don't dare to tag this with roy since I don't want all the r*oy x k*eeley shippers to lynch me lol #my meta #going to bed now since I need to get up in five hours lol #oh whatever I put this in the tag #since honestly if you can convince me this is bullshit #it won’t break my heart when they go on playing Roy’s violence for jokes #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso #roy kent #ted lasso speculations #jamie tartt #royjamie

[one-squash-one-end]

>1.6k words on bi Gansey

Hi! This belongs to my big Raven Cycle analysis, click here for the masterpost.

Today we are diving into all the reasons why I think Gansey is a bi king (and then some more). Enjoy!

(I think there might be mild spoilers up to trk, nothing too bad though, more character interactions than plot)

b) Gansey

Alright hear me out. This man. There is nothing this rich boy can do to beat the fruit allegations. He is a bi king, through and through. Everyone but him knows, including you, because what I have to say is the absolute truth and I am great at convincing. I once saw a tumblr post that said “Gansey has to physically restrain himself from kissing all his friends” and there has never been anything more true.

And it’s important to note that this is really not only reader interpretation. Or, at least, reader interpretation includes other character’s interpretations, which are sometimes incredibly straight(lol)forward.

After doing Adam a big favor, Gansey’s sister Helen (who is aro-ace btw, because I said so) immediately assumes he is sleeping with him, which is a conclusion she jumped to way too quickly if Gansey has never previously shown any interest in Adam or other boys. Like, she seems to know him quite well, and for her to just think he’s in a relationship with Adam says a lot about the homoeroticism prevalent in Gansey’s friendships with both Adam and also Ronan.

Because then we have Kavinsky, another canonically queer character, who thus might arguably have some sort of gaydar, assuming Ronan and Gansey are in a romantic (but most of all, sexual) relationship. Admittedly, this has largely to do with Kavinsky assuming things about Ronan and his sexuality, as is explicitly mentioned in the book. However, you can very easily speculate about someone’s sexuality without knowing their (previous) partners, if there have been any at all, so to correctly believe Ronan is gay does not have to randomly entail relationship speculations. So somewhere, even from not interacting with them so much, Kavinsky must have gotten that idea. That somewhere is the deep affection the two of them share, which is absolutely palpable for everyone around. Yes, I know their relationship is described as brotherly (please note I do not condone incest!), but also somewhere within “they’re bros” lies the implication they are gay. Two bros chilling in a hot tub. They’re having a bromance. Let bros kiss.

Another person who seems to believe in a Gansey romance above bromance is Henry, who at that point of book three had only interacted with him at school very superficially. We can assume the way Gansey behaves with Adam and Ronan at school is very much homoerotic, or elsewise Henry would have no reason to be surprised about seeing Gansey with Blue (“a chick”). He can’t be surprised about Gansey pulling… someone, considering he is apparently super good-looking, he just never had reason to assume Gansey was anything but achillean.

Now this was mostly people who don’t know Gansey that well, or at least people not part of the inner circle, so it can’t mean that much, right? Surely there would not be anyone who truly, deeply knows Gansey, who would assume he is queer. Right? Wrong. I have since forgotten the context of that quote, but Adam, someone who is very close to both of them, thinks that Ronan and Gansey could date. Make of that what you will, but I will it to be homoerotic subtext. (Or text, as what Adam says is what he says, no room for interpretation there.)

Lastly, Adam’s father called him the f-slur. Ok, I will admit that it’s not completely confirmed to be that, but what else would a censored word with f stand for? Again, it’s hard to tell, because my two options would be the slur and just straight-up “fucker”, but both “f*g” and “fuck” are used directly in the following books. The f-slur was used directly in Ronan’s narrative though, in that of a character who talks very obscenely in general, so I have no trouble believing Gansey just wouldn’t have wanted to repeat that word, especially if it’s just a memory.

The line between romantic and platonic interactions is thin enough in this series as it is, but Gansey seems to blur it especially. I am going to touch on that at a later point, but platonic affection is given a very important role, so much that in some parts it carries as much significance as romantic actions do (as it should- relationship anarchy rules), if not more. With Gansey that seems to be especially strong, a lot of the things he does with his friends seeming romantic.

First of all, he is co-parenting with Ronan. Yes, it is a bird, but Ronan loves her like a human daughter so the point stands. The two of them even squabble about it like an old married couple, Gansey’s legendary “this is exactly why I didn’t want to have a baby with you” speaks for itself.

Then there is the insomnia quality time, as I like to call it. We, as the readers, are probably supposed to focus on the late night phone calls and drives with Blue, the fact that “she makes [him] quiet”, and that he can sleep after talking to her. But what I find equally important is the time he spends with Ronan at Monmouth during those sleepless nights, them getting orange juice at three a.m. While it might not be something super comforting that makes them both fall asleep, this routine they seem to have fallen into, just spending time while not expecting anything from the other, is something that means a lot to me; they are very much giving platonic soulmates, but also what if they kissed?

Of course I cannot not mention “While I’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” That boy is being unnecessarily dramatic about going away for literally one weekend. And why? Because “they had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reasons why he couldn’t say it.” What are those reasons though? Is it because he is actually in love with Ronan but admitting to that would make the friendship super fucking awkward so he whips out a dramatic, half-romantic metaphor quote? Yeah, that makes total sense.

Staying on my Ronsey bullshit, let’s not forget the glorious, deleted pool table scene. In case you are not familiar with it, or have forgotten the way it sounds (probably the reason it was deleted), I’ll just let two quotes speak for themselves. “There was something suggestive about how [Ronan] wore the suit” Oh yes, of course there was. Sometimes you wear clothing with a certain intention, and in Ronan’s case, that intention is to be bent over the pool table by Gansey. This becomes even clearer here: “Gansey was well aware that Ronan rather fancied the way he looked while he played pool, and the way he reached across the felt now, intentional and elegant and coiled, indicated that he was fancying himself at this very moment.” Once again, everything is super intentional, and Gansey wants to fuck him so badly. Not even kidding at this point, the way Maggie wrote this scene really makes it look like Gansey finds Ronan super hot; even as an aromantic asexual person I have to say, this is a lot more than “bro appreciating his best friend’s glow-up in a completely heterosexual way”. This iconic scene is gay brainrot, which is exactly why we did not get to experience this masterpiece within an actual, published book. The Ronsey shippers would have gone too wild.

[Speaking of which, I’d like to clarify that I do not ship Ronsey in the way some other people do, I do prefer them with their canon love interests, however I clearly see the potential of them having had some kind of mutual attraction in the past, I just think it makes the dynamic a lot more fun and interesting, sort of like how Jesper had a crush on Kaz in Six of Crows.]

Gansey has received at least one (1) dick pic of Ronan. The circumstances do not say anything about either Gansey or Ronan, but I think it’s funny, it builds character, so I chose to include it in this.

Perhaps the strongest evidence for him running with the lgbtq+ is the fact that he goes to an all-boys school. Come on, what is he supposed to do, surrounded by all those guys rich enough to afford good haircuts and a private trainer? Should he just not have gay thoughts? Impossible.

Now all this was mostly evidence for Gansey swinging that way, somehow, but of course he’s one of those doors that open both ways. Yes, he has a girlfriend, but there is even more proof for him being specifically m-spec, just you wait. To begin with, apart from his friends Gansey has two true loves. Henrietta (the town with a female name, who his sister refers to as his girlfriend- the same sister who assumes Gansey is sleeping with Adam; Helen is a bi Gansey truther) and Glendower, the dead, male king. Obviously, this is totally serious business. Additionally, I have talked through to a very full extent how he is in love with Ronan, but of course he is also in love with Henry, I do not have to elaborate on this. He is also very much jealous when Blue and Adam are dating, as is described multiple times, but we don’t find out exactly who he is jealous of. Yes, he likes Blue, and he is sad that his best friend is sort of being stolen away etc., but what if he also just wanted to hold hands. With both of them. At once.

It’s not only Gansey being in love with all of them, it’s also all of them being in love with Gansey. His bi swagger. It was this: Blue finding him irresistible. It was this: Ronan wanting to smash his fist through a wall because of how hot Gansey is. It was this: Henry saying Gansey is a “Caucasian with great hair”.

Bi Gansey is the truth and I will defend that until the day I die.

However, I will admit that he is absolutely a cis guy, no question. At no point in his life has he had to be afraid to take up space or anything, but that man supports trans rights of course. He would not wear a crop top on his own, but considering how he is in love with them, Blue, Ronan and Henry could bully him into it and he would rock it.

#trying a catchier title with this one #trc #the raven cycle #the raven boys #the dream thieves #blue lily lily blue #the raven king #gansey #ronan lynch #adam parrish #blue sargent #henry cheng #bi gansey

[34saveme34]

SMG3's search history - what could it be???

my mind isn't the best rn (I'm sick) but this once again on my mind

And I think it's a bit trickier than we think but I'll try my best to list the possibilities

some important things to note about his search history:

Luigi liked whatever he was looking at

4 understood it faster than Mario. note the "What, I don't get it-"

emotional reactions 3 tends to have certain things (will get into it more)

the fact that he only really acknowledged 4 when he went back with the memory wiper

Mario commenting "what the hell was that search history" I hate you, Mario, you could've said something more interesting about it, that could give something away off of it.

So yeah, these were the things I wanted to point out

since Luigi liked whatever he was looking at, and we know this man likes men the most, especially big men, I think we can easily assume it was something gay. I'm sorry Jenny SlipperyT truthers, besides not like there isn't any gay mc porn so, still a chance

HOWEVER

something really important I want to point right back at "What, I don't get it-" Mario's comment is very specific here. If it was like raunchy ass hardcore gay porn, he wouldn't say that. He would've screamed immediately, being freaked out. So it's something REALLY weird that isn't immediately obvious. However 4 and Meggy knew way faster which gives away that maybe whatever 3 was looking at they were more familiar with.

Now, there's quite a few things that people in this show we've seen freaking out over. One being especially true is fanfiction, but

and here comes in my 3's preference thing- he didn't seem to like that stuff either, not even for a single second

However may I present to you..... something that might blow your mind...... something you maybe didn't think of

THIS episode

and actually the part that the thumbnail shows

when they are looking at the cakes

you might be like "But, dude, he is also flabbergasted about it?"

Really?

this ALWAYS struck me as odd

right after seeing that stuff, Mario is understandably under trauma while 3 immediately goes into planning to make cakes like that of himself

and Mario's reaction makes it feel like 3 wants to make them like the last ones, like yes you can interpret it in a different way, but my way of seeing it is also just as valid

aka the idea that 3 likes some weird ass shit, perhaps sometimes things that might not come off as sexual at first, or even cursed in some sense.

Now... the point you are waiting for me to address. The fact that he only really focused on 4. That gives me gay vibes, Idk how else to look at it. The idea that he was mainly scared of 4 seeing his search history doesn't help either. It only makes him look more gay. Like Mario and Meggy were literally right there, he could've said "Hi guys" he didn't have any noticable reason to only address 4. So what makes sense? That his search query had to do with 4 in some way. No other way to go about it. There's a thin sliver of chance that he only addressed 4 because he did search this weird shit on his computer and not anyone else's. But I don't think that's enough ground to make it more valid than it being connected to 4. Like, this reminds me of someone denying 4's queerness saying that the line "what will you do when you bring over a girl and/or boy?" as boy relates to the homies in a platonic way, as if, dude, keep being homophobic.

so what do we know?

it's gay

it isn't immediately noticable that it might be sexual in nature

it connects to 4 heavily

Now I present to you...... The combination of wonderbread and smg4

the wonderbread kind of fetish thing when you don't immediately realise there's a fetish going on, which fits well with 3's rather interesting taste

which might for example suggest perhaps characters that look similar to 4 in specific situation, it can go many ways but it has to be gay, considering Luigi's reaction, canonically said he is scared of women (in SMG4's search history)!

so yes what I'm saying is that 3 has some sort of weird fetish regarding 4 that definitely looks gay, he would definitely want to hide something like with his life after all

Although I still find it weird how comfortable 3 was to search that stuff at 4's computer

also might I point to also the fact he APPARENTLY has his credit card linked to 4's pc as well, as revealed during the 2023 wotfi prep stream??? he is AWFULLY comfortable at 4's pc

I don't know why he would that, like... he isn't actually stupid, were his feelings making him this stupid? Was he getting some kind of sick pleasure out of doing it at 4's room? We may never know, considering how stubborn 3 is and also a big damn liar

#smg34 #smg4 #smg3

[alcalystrasz]

(This has been said a lot but idc)

He loses his bestfriend, he's destroyed and he cries because he thinks he's dead and he's going to blame himself because he'll think it's his fault. The song in the background is Heroes. And the lyrics, at this precise moment are:

"And we kissed, as though nothing could fall. And the shame, [changing to Joyce and Jonathan] the shame was on the other side."

Which is a clear queer coding. That means that Mike and Will kissed (= spent time together, very close) as though nothing could fall (= nothing could go wrong), and the shame (= of being gay) was on the other side (= the Upside Down, where Will is. Because he's the obvious gay one). And it changed to Joyce and Jonathan because they're Will's family.

And now, let's skip to Season 3:

This hug, from end of season 3 is a clear parallel of the first one we saw on season 1. His face isn't obviously the same. In season 1, we can see he's sad, crying and he hugs his mom desperately. But season 3, shows a confused, emotionless Mike who hugs his mother like he's in shock. Why's that? Well...

The parallel is to show Mike's feelings. In the end of season 3, when El kisses Mike, his eyes are wide open, he doesn't move and when she's done and leaves he doesn't move, instead he looks on the side with a super confused and shocked face. And in the original script (sorry couldn't find it), we saw that Mike's reaction was like this because it was written:

What is wrong with me?

So it was meant for him to be that way (and btw Finn played it well). And then, when Hopper reads his letter to El, we can hear his voice with scenes showing up. And when he says:

"And if I'm being really honest, I don't want things to change."

Mike looks back at Will's house before leaving with his bike.

This is a lowkey queer coding. Change is the liking boys realization from Mike's side. And why Hopper says "I don't want things to change" ? Because the change means the behavior change for Mike. He'll feel like a mistake, just like Will, he'll feel different, incapable of liking a girl like every other boys his age...

So what I'm trying to say is. That these two scenes are parallels to show Mike's improvement and changement over the seasons. Season 1 he was sad because of the loss of his bestfriend. But why would we only see Mike's POV and not Dustin's or Lucas' ? They also cared about Will. No, we only see Mike's because he's Will's love interest. And in Season 3 we see a total confused Mike hugging his mother, trying to understand what happened. Because what happened is that he understood, he finally admitted he was in love with Will. Why's that? Well, first he's confused by El's I love you, and kiss. Then he looks back at Will's house, knowing he just left. And finally he hugs his mom trying to figure out what's wrong with him. Cause he thinks there's something wrong with him, as seen in the script (try to find it yourself, cause I couldn't. But I remember sawing it on Twitter 'X' !). And it's even more possible because Mike's introduction in season 4, has a lot of queer coding. I'll try to list them all.

Rainbows on the letter (= signifies lgbtq+), One Way arrow pointing to an open closet (= one way arrow -> "only possible thing/explanation", open closet -> he's out to himself), Poster with a naked Dragon (= just like Steve or Billy, straight boys, have, almost naked women, on their walls, Mike has almost naked character, men and animals from dnd), poster from a movie with an almost naked man (= to understand he likes them naked, just a gay thing I guess ;-;). For this last point, yes there's also a woman almost naked, however since the movie is about men, being way superior to women (that's the movie don't blame me, and I can't remember its name, sorry), I'm not sure he'd really want to have this woman in particular in his room.

Also there's one of Will's binder under his bed, the same one where there are tons of his drawings and finally, I'd like to end up with Mike literally destroying El's letter when Nancy tells him he's late (who does that?). So yeah that's all I could find, there's probably more, which needs more attention and analysis but I did the minimum let's say.

So all of this, to say that season 1 and 3 hugs were parallels of Mike's feelings, and that the season 3's is more possible when we notice the character introduction of Mike in season 4. So yeah, he really had a Gay realization over there!

#stranger things #finn wolfhard #byler #love #noah schnapp #byler is canon #byler tumblr #mike wheeler #will byers #byler is endgame #byler nation #byler proof #byler parallels

[the1975attheirverybest]

A/N: here is the requested coming out conversation with Matty. I know the whole point of doing these single-scene fics is to keep them short but….here we are.

Disclaimer and acknowledgements: I want to preface this by saying that i am not, myself, a queer person. So please feel free to reach out with constructive criticism. I have done as much research as I could and I’ve asked for feedback from some very, very generous queer friends on here who have offered me their insights and suggestions, and helped talk through it with me. I want to extend my very biggest and sincerest thank you to those kind friends. I’m humbled by your kindness and grateful for what you’ve taught me!

ANY ERRORS OR MISTAKES IN THIS FIC ARE MINE AND MINE ALONE, NOT A REFLECTION ON ANYONE WHO HAS HELPED OR GIVEN ME FEEDBACK.

Warnings: none.

———

She stood by the door listening into Matty’s home studio for any indication that he might be working on something. Unusually, though, she couldn’t hear the strumming of the guitar that she’d grown accustomed to, or the incoherent exclamations of excitement that Matty usually shouted out whenever he landed on something that he thought was particular good, not even the sound of the frustrated groaning of being stuck on a song for too long and not being able to finish it was coming from behind the door. The silence made the moment feel even heavier than it already felt in her mind. She knocked on the door with shaky hands, cracking the door slightly open and peaking through.

The sight of her boyfriend, laying down on the floor, next to his acoustic guitar, eyes closed, mop of hair splayed out around his head like a halo, made her smile. At least for a moment, she almost forget the anxiety that she’d tried to push to the back of her mind.

She walked into the room, shutting the door behind her and hurrying towards Matty. She got on her knees next to him, laying down on her back and looking up at the ceiling.

“What’re you doing?” She finally asked.

Matty’s eyes opened at the melodic sound of her voice. He felt himself smile. Her voice always makes him smile.

“Writing a song,” he mumbled, sliding his palms under his head like a pillow.

“What’s the song about?”

“You.” He replied without missing a beat.

She could feel her cheeks warm up. The fact that Matty’s compliments still managed to make her blush, or throw her off her feet, making her feel warm and fuzzy inside, even after all this time, baffled her.

“So, can I hear it?”

“Well, I haven’t written it yet. I might be a bit stuck. I just have a couple of chords that make me think of you.”

She slowly rolled herself to lay on her stomach, propping her face up by holding it in her hands.

She watched as Matty reached out his arm to the other side and grabbed his guitar by the neck, without even sitting up, he placed the back of the guitar onto his chest, adjusting it slightly so his hands were in position and his fingers on the frets, he strummed the strings, up and down, rhythmically, smiling up at the ceiling, imagining the expression on her face as she listened next to him. “Then I don’t know what happens in the middle. But then it goes like this…” switching his finger positions around, he strummed again.

“Pretty.” She remarked, softly, “like me.” She moved to lay back down on her back as Matty set the guitar away again, chuckling silently.

“Yes, exactly like you.”

The silence that followed in the absence of the chords he’d just played lasted a beat too long, making her chest feel uncomfortably heavy. She hated knowing something he didn’t. He was just laying there thinking about the song he’s trying to write for her. About her. Not knowing that she came here for a specific purpose. It felt unfair. He felt far away from her. Like he was an island and she was drifting in the waters further and further away from him.

“You’ve kissed boys before.” She blurted out, instantly regretting the clumsy opener.

Matty’s wandering eyes focused on the chandelier in the middle of the ceiling. His body perfectly still. “I have.”

“W-why?” She felt herself tense up. Hold her breath.

Matty was quiet for a moment, contemplating her question. Eventually, he shrugged. “I don’t know. Why not?”

He was quiet again, then, he turned to lay on his side. The side facing her. “I’ve kissed guys that I thought were pretty. And I’ve kissed the boys.” He stated. “With the boys it’s different, though.”

She was grateful for his perfectly normal demeanor. He was treating this line of questioning like any other. Not even asking her why she’d brought it up, or finding it unusual, but the fact that he was no looking directly at her, while she remained flat on her back, doing her best to avoid eye contact, made her feel uneasy. “D-different ho-how?”

“That’s a good question” delighted, he took a moment to think.

she heard the smile in his voice and it almost made her turn to look at him.

“I think….with, like, other guys, it was kind of a compulsion that I gave into? Like- you ever read something or see a work of art, or hear a song, and feel it in your bones? Like it’s so beautiful, that it has a physical effect on you?” He laughed at his own words. “Like you wanna eat it or snort it like drugs or get it injected into your brain or something?”

She giggled. “Yeah….”

“Looking at beautiful men is like that for me. I get the urge to kiss them. And in the past I’ve not tried to stop my body when it happens. just kiss them.”

She thought she understood what he meant, but she wasn’t entirely sure. It made sense to her in theory. But it wasn’t exactly relatable. “A-and with the boys?”

“Obviously I think they’re beautiful people. But there’s the added element of, like, An expression of affection. Also the element of it being a subversive joke. So it’s more complicated than ‘oh god, I could kiss you….so, I will.’ You know?”

Matty watched her face, smiling to himself at her beauty, and looking on as she took his words in and let them sink in.

“Have you ever- like- had sex with men?”

“Nope.”

“Have you ever, uhh, wanted to?” She swallowed, finally turning around to face him.

“Nope.”

Their eyes met as he replied and he swore he saw a glimpse of disappointment, and he wanted to know why. To reassure her. To make the disappointment go away. but, restraining himself, he let it go for now.

“So, it’s visceral but not sexual, for you?”

He nodded, his eyes remaining on her.

“A-and, umm…you identify as straight?” Her tone more surprised than she’d intended.

“Yeah, I do.”

“You don’t find that weird? I mean….I don’t know any straight men who occasionally kiss other men but don’t wanna have sex with them.”

Matty laughed, sitting up and folding his knees. “I’m sure they exist. I mean…I do.” He was quiet for a moment, bringing his knees closer to his chest and hugging them. “I like women. I wanna fuck women. And, I have no desire to fuck men. Is that- I guess that’s straight enough?” He he leaned in so that his chest was right up against his knees, resting his cheek at his bent legs.

She sat up, crossing her legs and facing him.

He spoke again when she made no effort to interject. “I suppose- look; this is how I see it. I don’t feel sexually attracted to men. As a man of privilege, it’s important to me not to appropriate a label by calling myself bi, or whatever. So, it just seems right to say I’m straight. But- like…fuck it. Doesn’t matter in the end, does it?”

“How could it not!” She leaned forward, causing him to unfold himself and straighten his legs back down. her visceral response surprised both of them.

Matty was taken aback. Unsure how to justify his nonchalance. He’d never given it any thought. He’d never had to. “Why are you asking, anyway?”

“You- you don’t think labels are important? Especially, like, if you’re not straight?”

Matty laughed, shrugging, “I don’t know. Doesn’t feel like a big thing. Haven’t you ever looked at a woman and thought ‘wow, she’s beautiful’ ?”

Matty’s heart sank as he watched the expression on her face shift dramatically. She looked alarmed. Like he’d walked in on her unexpectedly, like she’d walked into a room, not expecting to find him in. Like he’d startled or shaken something within her.

He could see, in her tense body, and avoidant gaze, in her sudden restlessness, that the silence was making her uncomfortable. Perhaps he’d asked the wrong question. But now that it was out there, there was no way of taking it back.

“Look,” he spoke cautiously, attempting to fill the silence and ease her discomfort. “I don’t think labels are all that important. I just also don’t think I’m gay. Or- bisexual. Or whatever you wanna call it. I’ve been me for 34 years, I’ve kissed men and I’ve kissed women, I feel like I’m pretty heterosexual. But, even if I’m not, I’m not like bothered about what the right word for who or what I am, is. Im not sure that it matters as much as the feelings themselves. And I know how I feel.”

“Well” she shrugged, “I- don’t.” She looked down at the floor, feeling a lump in her throat and tears in the corners of her eyes.

Matty responded instantly by reaching an arm out and pulling her towards him. “That’s okay,” he cooed, dragging her to sit her in the space between his legs. With her back pressed to his chest, and his arms wrapped around her, she felt the warmth of his body radiate into hers.

Several moments of silence had passed between them. With matty occasionally squeezing her gently. She was glad for the gesture. It felt calming. To her body at least. Though she suspected nothing would calm the storm of questions and thoughts inside her mind.

“It’s okay not to know how you feel. It’s okay not to subscribe to a particular label.” He reiterated, unsure of how else to convey that message to her. Saying it again and again seemed the only way.

“You only say that because you’re….this rich white musician guy.”

Behind her, matty frowned. “What do you mean?”

She sighed, taking a breath. “You always talk about how you learned that being gay or queer is fine because, at a pretty young age, your parents, as actors, were surrounded by all sorts of people, some of whom were gay and stuff, right?”

“Mhm,” he nodded with his arms around her, rocking her body along with his. she felt his nod in her spine.

“And that’s great, Matty. Don’t get me wrong. But- not being assed about labels is a privilege. You only feel so okay with it cuz of the way that you grew up. That’s not how everyone feels!”

She paused, feeling herself get worked up again, she looked up at him for a moment, then decided the eye contact was a little more than what she was ready for. “For some people, especially people who grew up in homophobic environments, a label is important. Being able to say that they’re not straight is important. Also, like, it provides a sense of community and belonging and stuff.” She exhaled audibly. “I’m just saying labels can be freeing, do you get that?”

Matty kissed the top of her head sweetly, rubbing his face into her hair. “Yeah... guess I hadn’t thought about it quite that way. But- yeah. I get that. I respect that. I just-“ he hesitated for a moment, mumbling “doesn’t matter what I think,” under his breath. “It’s sort of like- I mean, I guess some people care- but like why?- maybe I just don’t get it. Anyway….”

“No, no, tell me!” She tugged on the ends of his sleeve like a nagging child.

“Well,” he clicked his tongue, considering his words carefully before deciding that sterile language was the literal opposite of what he was trying to say, “sexuality’s a spectrum anyway, isn’t it?”

“Like….like the Kinsey Scale?”

“Sure, whatever.” He laughed. “Or a grid. Or whatever the fuck the new metaphor is. Take your pick of theorists….that’s not really my point- the point is, labels aren’t really going to work for everyone all the time cuz…people fall differently on the spectrum. I’m not- I don’t mean to abstract it into an academic subject cuz- never mind.”

She was familiar with this trait of his. When his mind worked at a different speed than his tongue, and when he tried, despite the burst of passion and the tangents spiraling into rabbit holes in his head, to be thoughtful about his responses, he tended to lose himself. She also knew that if she remained quiet for a moment, he’d try again.

“Labels don’t mean that your experience of your sexuality has to be identical to that of others who identify with that label….is what I’m trying to say.” He sounded satisfied, glad to have successfully condensed his thought into a communicable sentence.

“But- then how am I supposed to know what I identify as?” She squeezed one of the hands that was around her waist, prompting him to lean forward and kiss her cheek.

“Well- not sure I have an answer for that, Darlin.’” He thought for a moment, “hold on- are we- are we saying you don’t know if you’re attracted to men? Like is that what you’re unsure about?”

She laughed, “oh, I’m attracted to men….I just think I might also be attracted to women.”

“I see”

“Not in a- you way. In a ‘I think women are hot and imaging having sex with them’ kinda way. Maybe. I think.”

“Okay, okay…” Matty nodded slowly. “So- like, do you think maybe you’re bisexual? I mean, does that feel right to you? Sorry, I just- I’m trying to think of a way to, like, talk about labels as identities…not just labels. I don’t quite know how.”

She glanced down at the middle of her waist where his hands met, feeling herself well up again. “It’s just- I mean- how could I claim to be bisexual if I’ve never actually been with another woman? Doesn’t that sound fake and queerbaiting to you?”

Her question hung in the air between them as moments passed. When he didn’t instantly reject the idea, the way matty always did when he thought something was ridiculous, scuffing, rolling his eyes, responding with a dismissive “oh fuck off!” her nerves set in. It meant he was actually thinking about it. The thought scared her. She waited for him to say “yes, actually. That does sound wrong” she waited for him to confirm her fears, to tell her that her need to queerbait was some kind of sick attention-seeking behavior and she needed help.

Matty’s right hand left her waist, grabbing her hand and intertwining it with his. “Okay…..umm, I don’t ask this lightly at all, okay? Just know that I’m not being cavalier here….but umm- is this you saying that- that you would like to break up so that you could date women? To….like…I don’t know what the right words are here. Like; explore how you feel? Figure out what you’re comfortable with? I don’t know…” he gasped for air, breathless, stumbling over his words. “Try sex with women?” He shook his head “doesn’t sound right. I don’t mean it like it’s some kind of choice you can opt into or out of just to do a test run. But- like- I could see you wanting to figure this out without the monogamous commitment of a relationship. I’m sorry, I’m not saying the right-“

“Matty, Matty, Matty…hey, look at me.” She turned around to face him. Her free hand cupping his face gently. “I don’t wanna break up. I love you. I wanna be with you. I’d die if we broke up.”

He smiled, reassurance helping him regain his calmness. “Are you sure?” She saw a flash of light across his eyes and knew what he was going to say next. “Cuz… take it from me, sex with women is pretty fucking great.”

She chuckled, shaking her head.

“Seriously, though, it’s not about who you’re with. It’s about who you are. How you feel.”

“I know, it just- feels like I- don’t have the experience to justify myself.”

Matty felt her tense up against him. He also felt the urge to immediately dispel that idea from her mind. Help her feel comfortable in who she is. Show her that all he wants is for her to be herself. But he he held back. Reminding himself that this is not the same thing as her being sad or sick or stressed. This is not something that he can fix for her. And certain not overnight.

“I don’t- know how to say the right things. But if you ask me? You don’t have to perform your sexuality. You don’t have to dress a certain way, you don’t have to behave a certain way, and you don’t have to sleep with a certain number of women to earn the right to call yourself bisexual. You CAN if you want to do those things. If it helps you to connect with your identity. Feel more like yourself. But you don’t HAVE to. It’s not something you have to earn. It’s not a membership. It doesn’t expire if you don’t do it for a while.”

He could feel her hold in her laugh. Relieved to have broken through to her, he carried on. “ it doesn’t matter what people think. If someone thinks you’re less of a bisexual just cuz-“ he rolled his eyes, “ honestly, so fuckin what? Cry me a river, bro. ‘Oh, you don’t like how I identify sexually? It’s a good thing I never fuckin asked you, then.’ You know what I mean?”

“Hmm.” He listened, thinking about it in silence for a moment. “So….you’re saying…. I should say I’m bi?” She looked up at him.

“Well, you know, as a straight guy, I’m the designated bisexual people speaker and I grant you permission to do so.”

They both laughed.

“For real, though. Not to be woke or whatever….not my place to say. but it does feel like, all you need to be bi is to….be bi.”

She turned back around, resting her back against his chest again.

“Look, I may not be bisexual, but I do know some pretty cool people who are. A couple of them might even be cool talking to you about this. If you’d like me to, like, ask…? Maybe that would help?”

She whipped her head around “You’d really do that?” Her face smiling up at him.

“For that smile? Fuck yeah.” He kissed her lips pulling away only to add. “I love you. No matter who you are. What you identify as. How you choose to express yourself. I love you.” He kissed her again. “Always will.”

“Please shut up and stop interrupting. I’m tryna make out here.”

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