istgihateyou - Tumblr blog

istgihateyou · 5 days

Text

What? Why would anyone not want to feel better? Such an attention seeker.

But-

If I get better now, I feel like all those times I was suffering will all be for nothing. If I get better now, it'd be like I could've done it all along and I was just being brat. I'm scared, that if I get better now, a lot of things will change about me. If I get better now, maybe I won't be as funny, or as empathetic, or maybe as kind. I feel like I need to suffer to be a good person and if I get better, everything I went through, would be a waste and no one would ever know what I felt behind the closed doors. If I get better now, it'll be like all this never happened and I was never sad. I'd just be a teenager with mood swings they normally have.

15 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 6 days

Text

Sochti hu kabhi kabhi tumhare baare mai Bure na tum the, na mai thi Hum bas ek dusre ke liye kabhi bane hi nahi

Thodisi pagli hu mai jo tumse dil laga baithi thi, Jab tumne kabhi mujhe us nazar se dekha hi nahi

Tumhari duniya, aur meri duniya Milo ka antaar tha Fir bhi aane ke koshish me Mera sab maine peeche chodd diya

Ab mai yaha akele baithi hu Na tum ho, na tumhare liye jo chodd diya Per galti tumhari bhi nahi Ki maine mere haisiyet se ucha kuch chah liya

Sabse kehti hu Bahot nafrat hai tumse Kisko kya batau ki Aaj bhi tarasti hu, tumhare aawaz mai aapna naam sunn ne ke liye

Haa jaanti hu hum ek dusre ke liye Kabhi bane hi nahi the Per iss dil ko kya samjhau Vo to bas dhadakta hai tumhare liye

17 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 8 days

Text

Is it noble to keep your tears in? Why is it so glorified to cry in silence? I tried to scream it out, But found myself crying alone on the cold bathroom tiles.

7 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 13 days

Text

I loved you. Since that first text you ever sent me. I didn't realise it at first, nor did I have the guts to label it. But every single day since then, I've loved you. And now, whenever I think of you, I'm painfully reminded that I still do. Even after multiple attempts of shoving you out, I still do. And that is my tragedy that I loved you.

47 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 20 days

Text

10 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 23 days

Text

Kalam uthati hu Mann mai aaye shabdo ko sajane ke liye Likhte likhte samajh hi nahi pati hu Kab vo tumhare baare mai ho jate hai

Har bar sochti hu Ki wapas kabhi tumhara zikar nahi karugi Per kya pata kab vo din aayga Jab har kavita tumhare baare mai nahi hogi

Kitni bhi koshish kar lu Tum mere shabdo mai apna ghar dhund hi lete ho Har baar sochti hu bas ho gaya Per fir har khani ke peeche tum chupe hue milte ho

22 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 23 days

Text

is it possible to start over?

six-word poem.

d.b.a

66 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 25 days

Text

Ik everything feels hard rn, and just doing anything feels impossible, but hey, beating yourself up for that is not the solution. Taking charge of your life is. Make a conscious decision, stop mindlessly scrolling, keep your phone down and close your eyes for 2 minutes. Don't judge yourself or talk shit about yourself that's not gonna solve anything, probably infact make it worse. Tell yourself 'I know I've already wasted a lot time and I do feel terrible about, but it's okay cause I'm gonna get up now and do one task' let that be as basic as making your your bed, or drinking a glass of water. Realise that you can take control of your actions and you're not a slave to that 4 inch screen. Take deep breath, if it's really late then just go to bed. Ik you have a lot to do but if it's not as urgent as tomorrow then maybe giving your body some rest is a priority. Plan your day in your head, and even though you might spiral down again, pick yourself up every single time. Tell yourself it's okay, but not anymore. Not everything is gonna change in one day, but if you keep getting up it will change one day. Show yourself some compassion, no matter how hard it might seem. Your not evil or worthless or an impostor, you're you, you're someone who's trying hard, though you can't the results rn. It's okay I know you can do it. Mwah.

If you need someone to talk to my dms are always open for you. And remember you're not alone, now go you have a fight to win. ❤️

#mental health #mentally tired #i should sleep #notes #im so tired #writerscommunity #explore #desiblr

4 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 28 days

Text

you'd think these walls I've built between us are secure but the slightest tap from you and they crumble every time

~i always allow you to hurt me

483 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 29 days

Text

"you cant heal if you pretend you're not hurt"

-filmythings

14K notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 29 days

Text

I want to hear you sing, I want to hear you talk like openly, I want to know your opinions, I want to know all your flaws so I can love them too as a part of you, I want to have deep conversations with you, I want to know more and more and more about you, I wanna look at you without having to look away when you notice, I want to see you smile genuinely at me, I want to see to your silly side, I want to see the side of you always hide from people because you're insecure, I want to hug you, cuddle you, laugh with you, bitch about people with you, I want to know what you like to eat, are you big foodie? Or are you like me? What're your favourite drinks? What is the change you want to see in the society? Who are your favourite people? Who's the one person you hate? Why? How's your relation with your family? Parents? Sister? I want to know your insecurities, I wanna know everything about you, I just want to be able to admire every part of you and not just catch a few glimpse of you during class, I want to be there for you when you're sad, I want to help you grow, I want to help you become confident, I want to do whatever I can for you. I just want to know you for you in a way no one else does, maybe not even you is that kinda creepy? Wierd? Obsessive? Crazy? Yea, idk but it'd be nice to just look at you smiling and just being you .

21 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 1 month

Text

I hate how the night is used as a metaphor for the bad times in life, it's one of my most favourite things which I think is really beautiful.

The part which actually scares me is not the night but the day cause that's when the pressure begins.

I find night rather calming and soothes me so every time I see it being used as a metaphor to bad times i immediately don't relate it's the only time I have to myself when everyone is asleep and I can try to love myself in peace, this is the only time when no one tells me what to do or expects anything from me this is the time when i can do what I really want so really night is an escape for me from all the worldly shit it brings me back myself which I sometimes lose going through the day.

#late night thoughts #night #nightwing #writerscommunity #sorry for being depressing #notes

4 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 1 month

Text

Hate.

Oh I hate you soo much You don't even know, It's building up inside me I feel like throwing up.

I hate you so much It's taking over every single vien of mine, I don't even wanna see you face And your voice make my hair stand.

I hate you so much You can't even imagine, Every single bone in me wants to scream that back at you But my tongue freezes whenever I look at you.

Huh?

My eyes start to water and theres a lump in my throat, The tiniest cells in my body Are calling me a stupid fuck.

Don't lie to yourself honey You can say that word all you want, It won't ever change the fact How you crave to hear your name from her mouth .

9 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 1 month

Text

being a younger sibling is like, I have never known a life without you. we live in the same house but we don't talk almost at all. Dad asked me what I wanted to be in the future. I said doctor cause i know you're studying medical. You are soon leaving for college and that thought scares me but I tell everyone that I am happy. I wish you stayed here. even tough I can't see you just knowing you're here makes me feel better. I always copied what you did and that annoyed you but i thought that was the only right thing to do. now you're not there as much and I have to make my own choices and now I see why it sucks. you're doing great at school, I try my best but I'm always scared that I won't measure upto you. it scares me that I won't be good enough, cool enough or mature enough. Mom always tells me that you're very mature and I should learn from you. You don't run your mouth like I do. you always know when to and how to and what to and what to not. Mom told me how you loved to teach me to read when I was 4. I hardly remember that tough. I sometimes wonder if you think I'm just annoying and don't want anything to do with me. I hope you don't hate me cause you had to grow up a little too quickly because of me. world seemed fairy tales when I was younger and had you but since you left for college everything seems like a nightmare. I wonder if I would mount up to something like you and not disappoint our parents. I'm waiting for when you'll be back.

#notes #siblings #poems on tumblr #writerscommunity #explore #foryou #aesthetic #late night thoughts #thinking #desi tumblr #original poem #poetsandwriters

4 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 1 month

Text

I am so grateful I have everything I could ask for in my life. Why do I keep feeling this way. My friends are so nice to me. Why does everybody keep leaving. I think I am a kind person. Why would anyone ever want to be friends with me. I should give myself time my feelings are valid. I keep faking everything for attention. I think I'm a good friend. I'm so rude to everybody always.

3 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 1 month

Text

No sound more peaceful Than the breathing of a loved one, The proof that they're alive That they live with us.

#notes #poem #poems on tumblr #love quotes #poetry #original poem #love #love notes

6 notes · View notes

istgihateyou · 2 months

Text

How does my love for you Still finds a way to creep out of The disgusting amount of hate I have for you.

#notes #poem

7 notes · View notes