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minhosimthings · 6 months

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Fault

Prompt by @banghyunchanji : Imagine when Chan finds out that your manager is making you perform the day after you have a miscarriage.

Pairings - Idol!Husband!Chan × Soloist!Fem!Wife!reader

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, reader has a miscarriage, angst with a shit ton of comfort, mentions of food, chan has a nightmare

A/N: saw this one gif and I just had to write it! I don't like the way I wrote the ending much but I think this was my favorite descriptions to write. Thank you to @banghyunchanji for the prompt! I hope all of you like it.

"Channie-" you gasped for air. The lilac painted room, your favourite colour, seemed to be whirling around and you swore you could see the moon dancing up in the sky through the magnificent windows. Why was the moon shining tonight? Why were the city lights still turned on? Why were the buildings still stinking of coffee? Why wouldn't the world stop for you?

More under the cut

"Channie- I-Im-" Chan immediately pulled you into his chest, engulfing you in a warm comforting fire, as all the crystals you've held in your eyes started coming out. Chan felt the fabric of his shirt getting wetter and wetter, but he couldn't care less. His eyes were bloodshot, illuminating his dark circles, from all the days you got him back home at midnight from the studio.

"Shh princess. Shh, it's alright it's alright." Chan rubbed circles on your wrist, always a way of calming you down, "I'm here. I'm here." He tried to keep his voice from cracking.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Your voice tried to be stable, and your soul tried to stop itself from bleeding. Chan's heart broke into a more than a million pieces, probably enough to scatter the entire world. "Baby no~" he shushed you, his voice as warm as a freshly baked pecan pie, your favourite wasn't it? "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's. No shhh don't cry baby, you're still very weak." He held you tighter, as your tears dried up, "you'll only get weaker. Have some water, come on."

Chan got you up slowly, hands resting on your waist, trying not to float over to your stomach, where stitches lie, tightly packed, but still bleeding gold. He pressed a glass of water to your lips, gently lifting it, so that your throat could get a drop of hydration.

"thank you." You whispered, laying back down on the bed. Chan smiled gently at you, a weak attempt at calming you down. You could see the rotten pain in his smile, his dimple shining less than it usually did. "It's alright." He mumbled into your ear, as you wrapped your arms around him, as he spoke a lie which would perhaps become a disguised truth, "Everything's gonna be alright."

The next day

"Alright Mrs Bang," the doctor clapped her hands together, rearranging her stethoscope around her bruised neck, "Your tests are looking good. I think you're free to go home today! But please-" she turned to Chan, who had his hand wrapped around your shoulder, "-make sure she doesn't do any physical activity. I know, her being a top class soloist is hard, but she absolutely cannot do any physical activity until her next checkup." Chan smiled gently at the doctor and shook her hand bracingly. "Thank you Dr Yang. And I'll make sure she doesn't even move a limb until you say so." Dr Yang laughed heartily and moved out the door, chan following behind her, while a nurse removed all the saline bottles hooked up to your veins. "Thank you." You said, as she threw all the bottles into the bin. She looked like a warm presence, with her hair tied into a bun, exactly how your mother used to do it. "It's alright." She fidgeted with her fingers. She mus'nt have been older than you, probably three or two years younger. "Uh Ma'am?" She approached, "I know it's insensitive to ask you in such times like this. B-but-" she looked down at the floor, "my little girl, she's 15 and she really loves your songs a-and her birthday is coming up and I saved up enough to buy her one of your albums." Your heart warmed at her words, distracting you from what happened the night before. "It really would mean the world to me if you could sign the pc. I would love to see her this weekend, since we haven't been talking much." You smiled at her and took the pc she offered you. You traced the frame of the pc and laughed at your younger self posing for the photo, dressed in a tube top that would barely fit you now. "Here you go." You handed the pen and the pc back to the nurse. "May I ask, you seem so young to have a child? Were you-" you lingered in the last words as the nurse smiled again. "Got pregnant when I was 16." She let out a chuckle. "Couldn't let my baby go, so I endured it for nine months, and now she lives with another family. I visit her from time to time to give her gifts and remind her I still exist. She's started calling me mom now!" Your heart engulfed in flames hearing the nurse's words. The excitement with which she talked about her daughter was so melodious to you, like hearing one of Chan's songs before the rest of the kids did. It was like that word you read once what was it what was it? Ukiyo! The Japanese word. To be unbothered by the duties of life, when your heart tells you to. A beautiful word, you thought. Languages really are pretty, more prettier when you notice for the first time, that you weren't alone.

"Baby can I lie down on the bed for a minute?" You had finally reached home after what seemed like the longest drive of your life. It felt lonely, to have nothing in your arms instead of having a crying baby. You didn't mention a word of it to Chan. True, letting go is easier than keeping it in, but as you looked at his bloodshot eyes and remembered Minho telling you in secret about how much your husband wept, you decided to keep it in just a little bit.

"Sure darling." Chan guided you slowly to the bedroom, his arms holding you so tight yet so fragile, "I'll wake you up when you need to eat alright?" He kissed your forehead as you hummed in response, drifting off into peacefully troubled sleep.

"Ahh fuck." You groaned as you woke up. You checked the time on your phone. It hadn't even been fifteen minutes since you slept. You decided that it was best to wake up and go outside to your husband, instead of laying in bed with your pillow giving you the worst ideas.

"Ch-channie?" You voiced out, nervously stepping into the kitchen. You couldn't see a broad shouldered figure clad in black anywhere in the kitchen, so you gave up your search there and instead strolled over to the living room.

There he was. Dozing off on the sofa, without a blanket. You smiled at him gently shivering every now and then. You could hear him muttering something in his sleep.

"No- not- fault", he kept muttering, "ocean-give the". He started shivering a little more violently, and you could see his fingers start to fidget. You sighed and went over to his sleeping figure, and upon closer inspection you saw that his eyes were twitching uncontrollably.

"Baby?" You shook him gently, to which he groaned but still didn't open his eyes. "Channie wake up." You shook him more harshly this time. "Wh-what?" He mumbled, slowly opening his eyes and blinking up at you, as he usually did on the rare times that he fell asleep. "Baby were you having a nightmare?" You plopped down next to him on the couch and wrapped a blanket around both of you. As if it was a natural response, Chan wrapped his arms around you and buried his head into your neck. "Just had a dream about the ocean." He mumbled into your neck. "Alright Mr Huggabear." You chuckled, feeling his breath on your neck, "How about we order something hmm?" Chan nodded, still not removing himself from the crook of your neck.

You picked up your phone and quietly tapped your fingers on it, ordering all of Chan's favourites, without him knowing, as he was still deep in your neck. "I'll pay." You heard him mumble, trying to stifle a yawn. "It's alright baby." You stroked his curly hair, "I already paid so you don't hav-"

The sound of the bell echoing through your house slightly startled you. Was the delivery man already here? That was certainly quick, you thought as you decided to give the delivery man a tip for his speed.

"I'll go darling. You sit." Chan finally got up, rubbing his eyes. You smiled up at Chan and got up anyways to turn the tv on, switching to the last episode of Hannibal.

"Uh baby?" You heard Chan call your name from across the house, "Paul's here!"

Paul was one of your many managers, the main one you could say. And yes, only ONE of your many managers, because a world class soloist has got to have atleast a hundred of them right?

"Hey Y/N!" Paul walked in casually, followed by some members of staff. You felt slightly uncomfortable having so many people in your house, but like a good Samaritan, you kept it in. Chan followed behind.

"Nice of you to drop in Paul." Chan smiled, "Please do sit down." Paul plopped down on the sofa opposite you as Chan sat down next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. "What can we do for you Paul?" You smiled gently. Paul brushed a hair out of his face and pulled out a paper, giving it to you. "So I got the schedule for your shows." Paul smiled brightly, "Tomorrow you'll be performing in Busan and for the next month-" "I'm sorry can we pause for a moment?" Chan's stern voice shut Paul up. "She can't perform." He took the paper from your hands, and gave it back to Paul, "She's on maternal leave you know that right?" Chan eyebrows were furrowed and anger was starting to creep up to his face. You put your hand on his, a weak attempt to calm him down.

"Now now-" Paul laughed awkwardly, "no need to get angry Mr Banhg. But this is entirely Y/N's buisness not yours." "Excuse me?"

You felt Chan visibly shake beside you. "Channie-" you whispered, in a vain attempt to calm him down. "This is my buisness, she's my wife incase you didn't know. And she just had a miscarriage, so could you atleast pretend to be sympathetic, you fucking Asshole?" Flames seemed to erupting from Chan, as Paul scoffed, looking offended. "Mr Bangh I really suggest you not use such language." "And I suggest you leave right now." Chan fired back, as you watched the scene unfold, not being able to do anything, "Tell PD Nim that she cannot perform and whe most certainly will not."

"Mr Bangh." Paul started, but Chan was quicker in his words. "Nothing you say will convince me to let her go so please I suggest you leave."

"Whatever." Paul scoffed, getting up along with the rest of the staff and swinging his bad over his shoulder. "When she loses her fans because of her laziness, don't tell me I didn't tell you so." You could have punched Paul right then and there and you were going to if Chan hadn't gotten to him quicker. The glass vase on the round table fell off and shattered noisily as Chan slammed Paul into a wall. You heard gasps from the rest of the staff members and you rushed over to Chan, holding him by his arm and whispering "let him go Channie he's not worth our time" into his ear. Chan begrudgingly let go of Paul who adjusted his collar quickly and scampered out the door, along with the staff. "Hey!" Chan called out to the last staff member who was about to leave. She turned around quickly and bowed to Chan. "Tell JYP that Y/N will be on a hiatus for the next three months and Bang Chan from Stray Kids will also be on hiatus for very related reasons. Put emphasis on the related. Got it?" The girl nodded frantically and rushed out the door.

"Chan" you sighed heavily, "Alright that slamming into the wall was hot, but what was the hiatus about?" Chan meekly smiled up at you, a total contrast to how he was five minutes ago. "You're not going anywhere nor are you doing anything related to performing in three months. You're staying at home and I'm feeding you chocolate and hugs and kisses until you die." You laughed heartily and plopped down onto the couch, getting the food that had magically appeared at the doorstep.

"I love you Channie." You rested your head on his shoulder, leaning into his warmth. "I love you too babygirl." Chan kissed your forehead, "More than you could ever know."

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starkeyletters · 11 months

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•̩̩͙⁺𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 P2

N.P.S.O.M Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Warnings - 18+, Mature theme, Drug & substance use, Violence,SMUT mental illnesses, crime, cheating, toxic relationships, etc.

Wordcount - 2,5k+

Pairing - 𝑅𝐴𝐹𝐸 𝐶𝐴𝑀𝐸𝑅𝑂𝑁 x 𝙁𝙀𝙈 𝙊𝘾 [Reader] | 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙠𝙨 [ 𝑎𝑢 ]

Summary - Exs. Should stay exs. But when the pair cant seem to get off eachothers minds, things happen, mistakes are made.Its not like they changed, they were New people, making the same old mistakes.

A/n - OK, this has some detailed smut. It was my first time writing it so i really hope you guys enjoy this.

“I miss you too Rafe.” you moved back next to him. Looking in his eyes. You hated knowing what you put him through. Even though it was in no way your fault. “And yes, I heard what happened.” You closed your eyes, nodding your head while putting your hand in his. “But that never made me think any less of you, you know that..” You whispered. Leaning your head onto his shoulder as his eyes then shut, tears sleeping out of them.

The poor boy was broken, broken beyond repair. Your heart hurts at the fact you couldn't have done anything to stop him from slipping back into that dark place. But how were you supposed to even know? It was never your responsibility, especially after you broke up with him.

Deep down you knew it wasn't your fault, and as much as you knew that, you also knew that it happened right after the two of you split. There was an overwhelming amount of guilt that flooded through your veins. Every. Single. Day. Sometimes you wish you could take everything back - start over. Deep down, You knew that wasn't possible.

Feeling his touch, the warmth that his body gave you when your hands were placed in one another, made you miss him even more. But he was right in front of you, he was with you, in your arms, right? It didn't feel like it. The touch of his skin just wasn't the same. His hands were cold, scrawny, and boney. They weren't the same hands that you held just a couple of months ago.

Leaning on His shoulder, Breathing in the scent of his overly used cologne, was the same. He hasn't changed his scent. It made you peaceful. Taking your mind off the fact of why you were even there. It was the same cologne you bought him for your two month anniversary. Nautica Blue cologne. Opening your eyes, you looked to his nightstand, just curious to see if it still stood in the exact spot. There it was. Stood right where he put it. Some things never change.

Hearing his quiet sniffles, you lifted your head off of his shoulder, taking your hands out of his. His left hand grabbed at them, begging not to let go, but you pulled them away anyway. It just felt like you were breaking his heart more.

“Rafe.” you cooed, your hand going up to his now longer brown, soft hair. The way it hung over his forehead, curtain bang like, looked good on him. The way he stopped styling it, and didn't bother to even touch it spoke to you. He opened his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes wandering around your face, not being able to focus on one feature, taking them all in.

Anybody, and I mean anybody, could see just how much love that boy had for you, just based on the way he looked at you. Some could even say they saw hearts in his eyes. He looked at you and the world stopped spinning, And as he could show you, he loved you, more than anything or anyone. The thing is, you reminded Rafe so much of his mother. Everything you did just told rafe she sent you to him. Even your laugh. It mimicked his mothers.

He had a complicated love language, none of the ‘love languages’ fitted him right. The thing is, Rafe himself Knew. He knew he was in love with you. He thought that spoke for itself. Sadly, for you, it didn't, you couldn't tell even though you knew too. He was confused. But you were too.

“Im so- So fucking sorry.” he said in frustration, his two hands grabbing at his head. He was frustrated, you hated seeing him that way, but if this was the way to get through this problem, then that's how this had to be.

“Please- Y/N i need- i need you, i won't- i've changed, y/n.. I swear.” he paused, His hand gripping onto your arm. You knew he had not changed, you knew everything, just like you knew if it were to happen again, it would be the same thing all over again.

It felt wrong. The feeling you were feeling was not un-acceptance. It was acceptance. That scared you. Just by looking into his eyes, Its like something flipped a switch in you. You forgot about the situation happening. It felt like everything had stopped. It felt like love. But if it was so wrong, why was it feeling so right?

You tried pulling yourself out of it, out of the hypnotized state caused by nothing other than love. ‘Love’? More like attachment.

“Rafe- we cant-” you put your hand out, attempting to push his chest away from you. But you couldn't. It was breaking your heart just as much by being apart. You watched as the boy in front of you began leaning into your face, And it wasn't long before you found yourself doing the exact same thing.

The moment your lips connected, it felt like a firework went off in your stomach. Rafes too. His lips felt soft, like before. It felt amazing. Like your first kiss. Your lips moved in sync for quite a while, rafes right arm flw up to the side your your neck, resting it on your neck while his fingers brushed over your delicate, soft skin. His other hand squeezing your thigh. Yet, his hands didnt feel the same. But his touch did. His touch felt so right.

His hand trailed farther up your thigh, your heartbeat quickening. It felt like it was beating out of your chest as it rose up underneath the skirt of your dress. Rafe kept pushing towards you, deepening the kiss. You gasped into his mouth as he slipped his tongue into yours. Moaning into the kiss once you felt his cold fingers brush over your lacey underwear underneath your dress. Pushing him back with your hands on his chest.

“Rafe.. We shouldn't do-” He cut you off, mid sentence, his hand finding the place it was left off on your thigh, shushing you by his head falling down to your neck, leaving a light trail of kisses from your ear, to your collarbone. You gasped loudly, your mouth opening as you started up to his ceiling, your hands trying to push his strong body off of you, but he rejected. “Rafe- Rafael- This shoul-” You gasped, feeling his cold finger press up against your covered clit.

“Does it feel wrong?” He questions you, and you shake your head. As much as it shouldn't feel right. It does. And as much as you don't want to admit it, you wanted him. You shook your head as his finger pressed harder over your panties, “I need words,” He whispered, sucking on a spot on your neck that you couldve sworn made your legs go weak. “I- I want this… Please.’ You said, in almost a pathetic way. Whimpering at the touching rafe made onto sensitive places on your body.

“Such a good girl. Always so wet for me” He said, and you let out a loud moan at the feeling of rafe slipping a finger through your underwear and inside of you. The moment he began speeding up his finger, he added another, sucking on your neck, leaving hickeys. You moaned, crying out, you grabbed ahold of his wrists. Stopping his movements.

“I- i want more than that..” You pouted, It felt good, but you wanted rafe. All of rafe.

“Patience sweetheart, patience.” He cooed, his hand finding your clit, gently rubbing over the sensitive area. Spreading out your legs farther with his free hand. He slowly removed himself from you completely, standing up while you were left, sitting on the edge of your bed. Your eyes watered from the unfinished release he gave you. He did not know what he was getting himself into by doing so.

You watched him with teary eyes, biting your lip and the fiery sensation coming from in between your legs. IT was a feeling you hated. You needed his touch back. You watched the way he began unbuttoning his black button up, Getting to the last button, he took it off completely. You looked at his chest, it looked unfamiliar. Some of his muscles were gone, although not completely. He walked over to you sitting on the edge of his bed, patiently waiting for him.

He grabbed your hips and shoved his thigh in between yours, causing you to fall backwards onto his bed with rafe hovering overtop of you. Kissing your lips once again. Being impatient, you tried your best to grind up against his thigh. He stopped once again. His chain dangling above your face as he pulled his leg out between yours. Comfortably lying atop of you.

“Now, what did i tell you? Hm?” he grinned, he knew exactly what he was doing to you, he knew how you felt. “P-patience.. m’sorry, “ You apologized, your face turning a bright shade of red at the embarrassment you felt. “Dont apoligize, sweet girl, nothing to be sorry for.” he smiled, lifting up the skirt part of your dress, revealing your red laced panties. “Wow.” He stated, looking at the matching set as he lifted your dress up farther.

“You're wearing my favorite set,” Hs smirked, licking his upper lip. He slowly took the side of your panties with one finger, and in one, slow, motion, he pulled them off of your legs completely. Revealing your bare pussy. It wasnt the first time Rafes saw you like this, but the look on his face, everytime, looks like it is. “The set i bought you…”

Rafe was quick to take your dress off completely. Leaving your bra on you as his lips attached to your clit, sucking on it. You grabbed the comforter beneath you, moaning loudly at the feeling of rafe devouring you. He had always been good at this.

Your hands flew to his head, fingers running through his hair, messing it up even more while tugging at it. Feeling that your orgasm is close, you try closing your legs, feeling overwhelmed at the amount of pleasure you are feeling. But rafe pushes them back open.”I-im gonna-” You moaned out, His hands holding onto yours over each side of your leg. Your legs shaking as you felt your orgasm wash over you, your chest rising up and down, feeling like you could fall asleep as you fell back against the comforter. Rafe kept going, and this was only the beginning.

Rafe, finally coming to a stop from eating you out, then moved up, hovering over you. The look of lust spread across his features was enough to make you finish there and then. These was nothing but passion on his face with the way he looked at you, his eyes becoming half lidded, his hair a mess. It somehow still suited the boy.

Reaching over to his bedside table, he opened the first drawer, grabbing a condom. You took a deep breath in at the feeling of his erection poking into your leg. Standing up, the boy began unbuckling his belt, throwing it off to the side somewhere in his bedroom. You propped yourself up on your elbows as he pulled down his pants and boxers, letting them drop onto the floor.

Your mouth fell open to the sight of his cock and the way it popped out of his boxers.You saw the over-confident boy smirk towards you while he slid the condom over his erection. “You must like the view? Huh?” He grinned, Coming back over to the bed and towering back over you. This time, instead, he pulled on your legs, manhandling you and pulling you back to the edge of the bed. Letting your legs fall off.

“Try to be quiet, yeah?” You nodded, There was no way that was going to happen. “Go slow.. Please.” He took one of your legs and propped it up on his hip, ‘You haven't had sex since we broke up, have you?” He laughed, you could help the eye roll you gave him. “Knew it. Knew you couldn't find better then me.” He bit his bottom lip, SHoving the tip of his hard cock inside of you.

‘Shut u- Motherfucker!” You were cut off mid-sentence by your own moan at the feeling of his shoving just the tip inside of you. Stretching you out all over again. Your one hand flew to his chest while the other one kept your propped up, Clawing at his cold, soft skin on his chest. Your eyes shut, letting yourself fall back onto your elbow, lips parting letting out low-pitched whines.

“Shit- your still so tight-” Rafe breathed heavy, topping over you as both of you fell down onto the mattress completely, Rafe slid in and out of you at a fast pace causing his headboard to smack against the wall, slightly covering the noises that left both yours, and Rafes mouth.

You couldn't help but feel your orgasm approach rather quickly, Your hands went to Rafes back, clawing at it with your long nail. Sure they were going to leave marks. Rafe sucked on your neck while his right hand flew down to your clit, rubbing in circles at a fast pace. The both of you approaching your highs.

“Rafael-” You whined, “I-im gonna-” Before you could speak you were taken over but a shock like feeling ripping through your body, your legs shaking and Your heart beating rapidly. You heard rafe let out a loud string of groans and whimpers, Falling on top of your chest, You couldn't open your eyes, still recovering from the orgasm that you just felt.

“Holy shit. Baby,” You cringed at the use of the word ‘Baby’, hoping he didn't think this means you're back together. “Your fucking amazing,” He breathed out, you gasped as he pulled himself out of you, falling down besides you on his bed. The room was warm, sweaty, and smelled like sex. It was dark, the only light coming off of the lamp on one of rafes bedside tables. The air was filled with awkward silence - for you at least, and the sounds of the both of you breathing heavily. With the faint sound of people partying outside the door and downstairs, the music blasting.

Taking you out of your thoughts, Rafe got up, taking off the condom and thrpowing it into the garbage can in the bathroom attached to his bedroom. You watched as he kept his eyes on you, walking back into his room. You closed your legs, turning onto your stomach. It was late. You were tired, Anf Talking to rafe about your guys breakup was the last thing on your mind to do tonight.

The boy slowly turned you back over, his arms picking you up in the most fragile way, as if you were his parents expensive glass wedding china. He pulled down his sheets, lying you underneath them. He took it upon himself to cover you back up. Your tired figure falling back into his mountain of pillows against his headboard as he walked to the other side of his bed, getting into bed next to you.

You felt his cold hands grip your waist and pull you towards him, Your faces just inches apart as he layed a very soft, delicate kiss on your lips. “I love you, Y/N.”

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Taglist - @joselyn001 @madelynie

(DM or comment to be added to my tag list.)

5.28.23

@ starkeyletters 2023

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raidenssblog · 2 years

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How they react to you dying in front of them.

Characters: tanjiro ←you are here Zenitsu, inosuke and genya.

Genre: agnst

Pronouns: gender neutral

Warnings: blood, death, crying, yelling. Not proff read

Summary: how tanjiro reacts to you dying in front of him while on a mission.

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Two words: absolute disbelief

We all know tanjiro heart and soul will be crushed.

Zenitsu swore he could hear his heart brake.

Once the demon was finished tanjiro would run up to you. Dropping to his knees he would just scream. Sorry's, I love you's, come back to me. Stuff like that.

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The sound of metal snapping ripped through the thick forest. The red heads eyes bolted to your figure dodging attacks, sword laying in the ground broken in half.

Tanjiro warned inosuke that you were in trouble but the boy couldn't do anything, already having a strong demon on him.

Zenitsu was passed out and couldn't do anything. So tanjiro ran towards you slashing at the incoming attacks.

You managed to grab your broken sword and defend yourself, tho, it wasn't enough.

A burning pain hit you like a bus. You've been hit with the demon's blood art.

Your body was flung into a nearby tree. Your vision began to haze and your head started to spin.

Your chest felt heavier than before. Snapping sticks and leaves were heard before you felt hands on your wound attempting to stop the bleeding. You looked up and saw Zenitsu.

"h-hey st-ay with m-me alri-ri-right? Ta-tanjiro's gon-gonna help you j-just breath" Zenitsu continued to sob.

Once the demon was about to be taken down you whispered to zenitsu. "T *cough* tell tanjiro I love him for me yeah?" His eyes darted to you.

"n-no your going to tell him y-yourself!" Zenitsu's yells attracted tanjiro's attention.

His breathing caught in his throat as he stared at you almost life less body and Zenitsu covered in your blood and tears.

He droped everything and let inosuke finish off the demon. Running up to you he slides on his knees a little and began to sob. Pulling you onto his lap and holding your face

"y-y/n?" Tanjiro's tears were now pouring out. "I-its ok tanji *cough* I promise" you smiled. Blood was dropping out of you mouth as you spoke and you wound was bleeding onto tanjiro's haori.

He shook his head and pulled you as close as he could but also tring not to put you in anymore pain. "Im-im s-s-so sorry I couldn't p-protect you!"

"i-it wasn't your fault tanji *cough cough* it was mine. I broke my sword being careless" you Hug him back with all you left over strength.

Inosuke had heard the commotion and walked over only to stop at the sight of Zenitsu, tanjiro and you covered in blood.

"y/n?" It was his first time saying your name correctly. He kneeled down and placed his swords beside him.

You smile. Even if there was no reason to smile. At lease not in the situation. You were dying. Bleeding out in front of them.

You look at the three boys before speaking "I-i love you guys. Just know that. Thank you for always *cough* always being there. Thank you for wanting me in you lives. And tanjiro"

Tanjiro's teary eyes met yours. "Thank you for letting me love you. I hope in our next lives we can *cough* live happily with out the fear of death"

That, that is what broke tanjiro. "I-i love you. And and of course I'll let you love me for a-as long as you wish. I- I should be the one saying thank you. You allowed me to have the strength to continue to fight. And-and you showed me what love really feels like and for that i owe you so much love" your faint smile still played on you lips.

By now Zenitsu and Inosuke had walked away. Zenitsu was overthrown with how many sounds he was hearing. Inosuke didn't want to seem 'weak'. He wanted to help you.

But he couldn't. Nobody could. And now, tanjiro was rocking your lifeless body in his arms. Crying and saying sorry's.

He just wanted to protect you. But he was still to weak to even do that...

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I'll be doing Zenitsu next, remember to look after yourselves:) Requests are open

-Raiden

#demon slayer #kny x you #reader insert #agnst #kny fanfic #tanjirou #tanjiro x reader #tanjiro angst #reader dies #demon slayer angst #x reader #tanjiro x y/n

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squeet-smooch · 10 months

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I cannot imagine that you want me. When was the last time you kissed me? Or said my name? When was our last date? When did you last hug me that wasnt out of pity? When have we last cuddled?

When have you last thought of me? When did i last say anything non triggering or non vent to you? When have we last been anywhere near each other? When was the last time you'd look at me? When you'd look in my eyes?

I can kinda get it, especially after today. If i was you i would regret me too. There's not really anything about me that isnt triggering for you.

The drugs which, you say recreational snd i say medical. But who am i to tell you you're wrong. How dare i after i said something knowing it would be bad. The fucking zadr shit. Of course its a bad ship in the full canon, and of course you had a bad fucking go of it previously. Of course i mentioned it wrong, misinterpreting my past memories, seeing the wrong universe. Of course i hurt you and of course you were the one who comforted me. Of course we did things because im an idiot. You probably felt like you had to. Of course i regret it all. I dont regret you, i would love to choose you. But i regret that i let you choose me. Of course im on hormones, the ones that scare you. Of course i merely mentioned them. Of course i ruined that trip. Of course its all been my fault. Of course i made it up here late and clawing and scratching. Of course i still triggered you. Of course i broke your things. Of course i broke several things. Of course i cluttered your space, brought too much. Of course of course i lost my ID and am still STILL failing to replace it. Of course im letting you down, because of course i am.

Why do you let me live here? Guilt that i have nowhere to go? The dog you rescued, hoping he'd find a new home when well enough. Hoping he'd eventually get out. A fun temporary thing. "Married"

Irken married. Why. Why me

When have i brought anything good? When have you asked for me? When was the last time i wasn't alone. Isolated. I pulled away because i could sense that I've been hurting you, and you retracted all the way without hesitating. Im losing you and you would be better off with the other 2. Of course he is replacing me. He's sleeping in the office? Where. When my stuff has been removed? He's excited to live with me too, as i am him. But are you? You haven't seemed to miss me

And maybe i am selfish. Maybe im the asshole. Im actually a narcissist. Im sorry. I'm expectant and needy and listless and useless and stupid. Im unhelpful and lazy. Im so lazy and stupid. I don't help, i make things worse.

How many things have i broken. I promise i have been careful, you wouldn't see it even if you lived in my body. You'd believe all the awful things about ne. You'd know exactly why you should abandon me, dump all my belongings in the yard. Leave me to rot in the rain.

I told you i was a trauma holder. And you left me alone. It was already shaky, our bond. I was relieved, and i told you because i thought things were improving, that my trauma was being treated and we were being soft and warm. I was grateful you were being so affectionate, so gentle. I need absolutely nothing from you, and im sorry im being greedy. One look from you is a blessing very rare few can afford, and you've given me so much more than that. So, so much more than i ever deserved. But how could i tell you any of this. How dare i. What is wrong with me? My problem? How dare i. How dare i. I'm an evil demanding creep. Im not a person and im not irken anymore, im vile.

Im barely conscious anymore. Im alone. I put myself in storage and I'm going to cumulate dust before you can even bear the sight of me.

Im so horrid. Rancid. Bad. It's all my fault and im sorry i didn't protect you. Im sorry that it's my fault and i got you to start trusting me. I broke it immediately somehow, I'm a walking trigger.

#vent #negative #do not rb

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 4 years

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Imagine being Tenzin's eldest daughter and dating Bolin which Tenzin isn't very pleased with. So Tenzin makes it his mission to keep you and Bolin apart which just means the two of you find sneakier ways to be together.

Part Two here

Tenzin got back to his house and for once it was quiet, confused where the small army he shared his house with was he approached his second eldest daughter Jinora. "Where's korra?" Tenzin asked. "With Asami". "And Ikki and Meelo?". "With uncle Boomi". “And your mother?”. “Out with Aunt Kya”. Tenzin smiled everyone was taken care of and he could finally relax. "And y/n and Bolin?" Tenzin asked relaxing into his chair. "They'e in y/n's room" Jinora shrugged and Tenzin jumped up "with the door closed? Y/n" he bellowed pushing the door open with air bending. "Okay okay im sorry" he heard you yell and Tenzin sighed having your boyfriend stay here was making him age faster.

You and Bolin were in your room relaxing on the bed preparing to watch a movie. For once you didn’t have to babysit your younger siblings or train so had rushed off for some privacy with Bolin and your dad almost kicked the door down. Your dad was insanely worried about leaving you and Bolin alone despite the fact you were dating and Bolin was the sweetest guy in the world. Bolin had been trying to show you the mover he was in for week but you never had a spare moment where you could be alone with him. So when your dad had gone out and left you and Bolin with no task it seemed like the perfect time. You were determined your dad wouldn’t stop another one of your dates but of course he managed to. When your door flew open you sighed and called back you’d leave it open as per your dad’s many rules about you and Bolin. You looked to Bolin worried this would ruin the date but Bolin didn’t seem to mind. The movie started and you moved closer to Bolin to lean against him and he accomodated you hugging you against him. You and Bolin were just getting into the movie, despite the noise your family was making throughout the house when your father knocked on the open door and walked in. "Y/n its getting late, i think you and Bolin should get ready to go to sleep soon so he should go do that in his room soon". You nodded at your dad in reply so engrossed in the film you didn’t realise he hadn’t left. Tenzin coughed and you both looked up to see he didn't look impressed. "Ow you mean now?" Bolin asked and Tenzin nodded "well yes i think that'd be best". You blushed as Tenzin stood waiting glaring at Bolin. Bolin jumped up obediently while you pouted annoyed. Bolin paused the film and gathered his things and smiled "we can finish the movie tomorrow". You nodded "i suppose" and Bolin went to step towards you when Tenzin actually growled. A literal noise escaped his throat at Bolin daring to step closer to you. You sighed but Bolin just smirked and left shooting you a smile. Tenzin watched him go staring into his back and then turned to your door and fixed two bells around the door handle. "Dad!" You cried "what is that?". "Nothing just a decoration...". "You're doing it so you’ll know if i leave my room! Do you not trust me?". "I trust you y/n but i do not trust teenage boys! And i have to do my duty as your father! Having your boyfriend under the same roof..i have to take precautions". "But you didn't do this for Mako and Korra!". "Yes well Korra is older than you and Mako is more responsible than Bolin". You groaned and Tenzin coughed "you weren’t going to break the rules so this shouldn’t be an issue for you". You rolled your eyes "fine whatever...can i go to sleep now?". Tenzin nodded "i am only doing it because i love you y/n, if you have children you’ll understand". You huffed and Tenzin frowned "well goodnight y/n". "Goodnight dad" you said exasperatedly as the door closed but you didn’t plan on sleeping. Your dad hadn’t put bells on your window so as soon as you heard him go to bed you got ready. You gathered what you needed and climbed out of your window before airbending onto the roof. You carefully climbed across the roof to Bolin’s room and landed outside his window. You knocked on Bolin’s window film projector in hand and saw the curtains swing aside as Bolin realised it was you. "Y/n" Bolin grinned hanging out of his window "what are you doing here?". "Well we didn't get to finish the movie because of my dad so i figured we could now without him knowing?". Bolin hesitated for two seconds before grinning "yes come on it!". It had only been lightly raining but Bolin still wrapped a blanket around you before bringing you back to your prefered spot on the bed. He bustled around getting the movie ready and the secret snacks Tenzin didnt know about before jumping down next to you.

The film finished and Bolin looked at you anxiously "so what did you think...i wasn't sure if it was too far fetched and could you tell i couldn’t do my stunts properly and i didn’t look that great in that scene with the royal guards...". "Bolin" you said grabbing his shoulders "it was great! You were great in it, your stunts were amazing, your acting was really good and you looked well..." you trailed off blushing "basically it was amazing and i really enjoyed it!". "Really?" Bolin asked and you nodded. Bolin seized you in a hug and it made you blush he valued your opinion so much. "Im so glad you like it" he smiled putting you back down "your opinion means a lot to me" he blushed and you smiled. "Yours too Bolin" you told him "you're one of the most important people to me". Bolin's blush grew and he looked down his eyes slightly glazed. Bolin smiled and took your hand "you're pretty important to me too y/n" and kissed you softly. Bolin was always so caring and affectionate he just always made you feel loved and safe. He never pressured or rushed you, he was the best man you'd ever met. You broke away blushing and smiled at him before sighing "i should probably go". Bolin frowned "are you sure i mean it's not even that late...plus it's raining really heavily outside you could get a cold or get blown off the roof! Or lost". "Lost? My rooms practically across from yours!" you smirked but Bolin shrugged "i still don’t think you should risk it". You smirked "so what i stay here until the rain stops...that could be all night". Bolin shrugged "i just think it’d be safer it probably won’t be all night" he argued but his tone told you he hoped it would be. You smirked and nodded "fine..i guess i can stay for a bit longer and see if it stops". Bolin grinned "that's a very good decision y/n i must say". "Stop it" you pushed him before blushing as he grabbed your hand. You smiled and leant into him "i might nap while im here for a bit, if that's okay?". Bolin nodded "of course" and gathered even more blankets to keep you warm. You smiled getting into the blankets and Bolin got in beside you. With a bolt of lightning the rain came down ever harder. You noticed and Bolin pretended to look away. "i didn’t do anything!" he said when he felt you looking at him. "Mh hmmm?" You asked laying beside him but you were smiling. "Promise" Bolin smiled putting an arm around you. Bolin was so broad you fitted against him easily and curled up against his side. Bolin wrapped his large arm around you and you felt do safe and warm with the rain pounding against the window. "Goodnight y/n" Bolin smiled kissing your forehead and you smiled closing your eyes. "Goodnight Bolin".

You vaguely heard voices and groaned trying to sunk further into the warmth and Bolin. You buried your head against his chest and fell back to sleep when suddenly Bolin’s door was thrown open. "Y/n" Tenzin screetched and you and Bolin jolted awake. Bolin let out a yelp as Tenzin stared his eyes bulging. "You didn’t put bells on my windows?" you offered and your father turned even more red. "I’ll be putting bars on your window young lady if you dont stay in your assigned room!" He yelled and to your dismay others flocked to the room. "Did you find her?" Asami asked before smirking "ow...i see". "She's in here?" Mako asked "but thats Bolins room" before trailing off as Korra stumbled in too. "Well you did want Y/N to help rebuild the air nation" Korra smirked before she halted as Tenzin spun on her making the avatar gulp. "Is there something funny about my little girl growing up?" Tenzin yelled at them "no? Didn’t think so! Y/n get out of there right now and march yourself to your room this instance". You distangled yourself from Bolin and all the blankets and stood up red faced. "Sir it wasnt y/ns fault..." Bolin tried but Tenzin silenced him with a look. "You are grounded young lady and if i ever find you in his room again i'll...i'll take away your bison!". "Dad...." you groaned but he shook his head "no buts now to your room". You rolled your eyes but did as he said.

Later you sat in your room avoiding your dad's wrath when you heard someone near your window and opened your suprisingly still unlocked window to see Pabu. "Pabu?" You asked as he scampered in and dropped something on your bed. You grinned to see it was a note from Bolin with a wild flower attached "so guess you're our go between huh Pabu" You asked the fire ferret as you fed him a treat as payment. Pabu made a happy noise and you smiled before turning to Bolin’s note. "Sorry i got you in trouble but it was worth it" he wrote "think your dads gonna have us under surveillance for a while but i'm sure we can work around it. I'm game if you are and next time we wont get caught. Love Bolin". You smiled hiding your note and wrote a quick reply before handing it to Pabu who ran off to give it Bolin. You picked up the flower Pabu had also brought and smirked, you had the best boyfriend ever. Father be damned you’d find a way to see him.

#Bolin #lok bolin #bolin x reader #avatar bolin #bolin imagine #legend of korra bolin #legend of korra #tenzin #lok tenzin #air nation #lok mako #lok korra #lok asami #lok imagine #legend of korra imagine #avatar korra #avatar mako #avatar asami

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fly-like-a-phoenix · 3 years

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House of Lust (part 16)

Abbé de Coulmier x reader

Summary: Five years has passed since the events of Quills. The Abbé de Coulmier is released of prision by a misterious event. And he will know again those feelings he never thought will meet again: love... and lust.

Warnings: some mentions of violence and wounds, mentions of sex.

Odelle went to the dungeons in the morning, finding François sleeping on the ground, covered with the blanket. She actually thought he was dead for a minute, but he wasn't. He survived the punishment. And she didn't know how.

What she was thinking by now was about that empty bottle and that blanket. Who gave those to him? Was it you? One of the guards? Louis? Claude? One of the guests? No, they didn't know he was in the dungeons.

She opened the cell and approached him. She kneeled beside him and put her hand on his shoulder, moving him to wake him up.

"Abbé. Hey Abbé. Wake up. C'mon."

He started to open his eyes and, at the moment he saw Odelle, he jumped and moved to a corner, scared like if she was the product of a nightmare. He even thought he was dead, and she was a demon from a real Hell.

"Oh, do I scare you that much? That's nice!" She mocked. "Take this. Put them on." She throwed him a new cassock, shirt and trousers, and waited for him outside, smiling. He still had some bruises all over his body, and that made her feel good. But the lashes in his back somehow were cured. And she noticed it. It was impossible he did it alone. Someone must have help him.

Coulmier arrived at her side with new clothes, while he finished zipping the last buttons. He was breathing slowly. He frowned when he saw her standing and waiting for him. He wanted to kill her. It was the same feeling he always had while seeing doctor Roger-Collard.

He thought a lot about him those days in the dungeon. It reminded him a lot of the Charenton cell he made him go into. He thought a lot about Madeline too. And the Marquis. He dreamt about them. And you. He dreamt about you a lot.

"What the hell do you want now, Odelle? What are you going to make me do?" Said he, angry. His nails scratched the skin of his palms.

"I'm not going to make you do anything, Abbé. I'm done with you. I punished you because of what you did. But that's it. Today is the last day of the House of Lust this year. And you'll be free to go."

Was that true? He didn't trust her at all. But she didn't seem to be kidding. Maybe she was going to free him. Maybe it was true. But it was just a maybe. He didn't say anything else. He just glanced at her with hate.

"Now, go to Y/N chambers and clean yourself a little. Fix you hair. You're so handsome, but now you look horrible."

She smiled and left. He heard moans coming from a door next to where he stood. But it was a common thing by now, and he didn't mind about it.

He entered to your bedroom and found you sleeping. He approached to you in silence, sitting at the edge of the bed, extending his hand to touch your hair. You were fine. That was everything he wanted to know.

"Y/N, it's me." He said, and you woke. You scared at first, but then you recognized him.

"Abbé! Oh my God, I was so scared! Are you okay?" You hugged him quickly, not letting him a chance to go anywhere.

"I'm fine, Y/N. I'm... I'm fine. I'm alive." He smiled.

He broked the hug and looked at you im silence, right into your eyes. You kissed him with hunger, surprising him. But then, he continued with the kiss, touching your face and then your neck.

"I've missed you so much, François." You said, and his name in your lips caused something inside of him.

He started to cry suddenly. You didn't understand why, but you hugged him again, caressing his hair with pity. You didn't know what he had been through.

"Why are you crying, Abbé? What is it?"

"I thought your sister was going to kill me, Y/N. She... Let me in that cage like an animal. And, you know what? I didn't care about that. But then I thought about you, and I wanted to survive for you. I'm so glad you're fine! This are tears of joy!"

You hugged each other again, but when your hand caressed her back, he jumped with pain.

"What is it?" You said quickly, noticing he wasn't that right. You cupped his face with your hands. "You're not okay."

"No. Actually, I'm not." He smiled with pain in his eyes, tears still filling those green diamonds. "Your sister tortured me."

"What?! That fucking bitch! I'm going to kill her!" You screamed.

"Don't say those things, love." Coulmier cut what you were saying, putting his index finger in your lips. "I share the feeling, but tomorrow we will be free."

"You're right. I'm sorry, François. You're absolutely right. Tomorrow we can go to any place we wish, together."

"Actually, I want to talk with you about a couple of things---"

"Not here. Wait. Come with me to the bathroom. I'll give you a nice bath."

He smiled and followed you to the bathroom. He took off all his new clothes, and you couldn't help but put your hands in your mouth when you saw him naked. His back was all wounded with lashes. He had a stiched cut in his chest above the right nipple. And many bruises all over his skin.

"Josephine helped me." He whispered, in case anyone was outside. "She cured my wounds. You were right. She is not like Odelle."

"I told you she's nice. I hope she can get out of this place soon." You said, helping him enter the bathub, which was full of warm water. You started to clean the rests of blood from his back with care.

"I wanted to talk about that. I'm thinking she can go with us, at least while we go away from here. Do you agree?"

"Well... Yeah. She's my sister. And yes, she's done a lot of bad things, but I love her. It's a good idea. I agree."

You both stayed in silence a couple of minutes, just watching each other. You were washing his back with care and, when you ended, you started to give him a little massage in his chest and shoulders. He moaned a little because of the good feeling. After those days in the dungeons, it was nice to be back with you.

"Odelle makes a party every year when the days of the House of Lust are over." You explained. "We have to go and act normally. If anyone asks why they didn't see you these days, we can say you had a seminary."

"What happened these days I've been in the cell?" He asked with confussion.

"I don't know. I've been in a cell myself, Abbé. Odelle locked me up in my bedroom. Josephine brought me food and some water, and I had a bath just before you arrived."

"That bitch... I can't wait to be out of here, away from her." Said he, with hate. You couldn't blame him. You felt like that since many years.

"I need to ask you something, Abbé."

"Tell me." He responded, closing his eyes to feel your fingers massaging his scalp.

"When we were... You know... About to make love... And my sister found us..."

"Yeah...?"

"You said you had to confess something. What was it?"

François opened his eyes and looked at you briefly. He suddenly remembered how good you tasted, and the sounds you made while he was fucking you with his mouth and fingers just before he was taken to the dungeon. Yes. He had to confess something. Something awful. And surely you will understand.

"Do you know the 100 Days of Sodom? The book, I mean. It's a Marquis de Sade book."

"Yeah, my sisters have it in our library. Odelle reads it since it came out, and uses to practice somethings in here. Why?"

"Did you read it?"

"Some parts, just because she obligued me to do it. What has the book to do with your confession?"

He closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath, like if what he was about to say was really painful for him. He shocked his head and, with notable shame in his eyes, he talked with low voice.

"It wasn't the Marquis de Sade who wrote it. It was me. Roger-Collard... The doctor who made me be an inmate... When the Marquis died, I started to write as if I was him. I heard his voice in my head, guiding my hand into the paper. When Roger-Collard knew about that, he made me write a long story to print as a book. He told everyone it was the last thing the Maquis ever wrote, but it was me."

"And what about that?" You said, not getting why was that so bad.

"If people is so wicked... If this House of Lust has it existense based in that book, as you said... It's all my damn fault. I... I was so away from God... With everything that happened in those days... My mind was full of demons. And I really understood why the Marquis had to write them."

There was an extended silence in the room, with you finally getting how bad it was for him to write such a nasty, bad and pervert tale as that. Who will imagine it? A priest writing those things!

"Hey. Look at me." You took his face in you hands. "No one has to know. Ever. And I will keep my mouth shout. I promise. It wasn't you who wrote it. As you said, it was the Marquis. But you don't hear him anymore, don't you?"

"No. I haven't hear his voice in a year."

"So, you are you. And that's everything is fine." You said, smiling. He smiled back and kissed you.

"Now, we have to go to the stupid party. This will end soon. And we will be free to do whatever we want."

You helped him to put his clothes again and, back in your bedroom, you brushed his hair with care. He looked at himself in the mirror, and you, standing behind him, approached to him and kissed his cheek.

"You're so damn handsome." You said, waiting for him at the bedroom's door. "And you look so fine... I don't think no one will ask anything odd."

"I'm fine thanks to you and Josephine. And you are magnificent and beautiful too." He responded, smiling, hugging you and kissing you again, as if he didn't spent three days in a cell after a painful and pleasurable torture. "I love you, Y/N."

Guests started to arrive to the dining room from their bedrooms while you smiled at him. It will be a long, weird day. You both knew that. But you didn't imagined what was coming. You had no idea...

Tagging: @darknessisafriend @five-miles-over @yukis-writing @thegirlwho @jokerflecker @missrockabilly99 @luperugorria99 @weirdflecksbutok @skaraboo @starksclown @sgtsavoytruffle @joaquinisart @sophiefleck @the-queen-of-things @ajokerfangirl @bailaycantaconmingo @joaquinphoenixdaily @joaquinfeed @beatlebabe1996

#joaquin phoenix #abbe x reader #quills #abbe de coulmier x reader #abbe de coulmier thirst squad #abbe de coulmier #abbe thirst squad #abbé de coulmier #marquis de sade #joaquin phoenix x reader

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harleyliloquin88 · 4 years

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Memories

Memories ( Dean x Reader)

Warning:/sadness/ heartache/ heartbreak/ tension/ depression/ pain

FYI I wrote this while I was watching the notebook lol

Hey guys sorry its been a while since i wrote, took a year off and needed to get some ideas and was reading others work and it helped me to do better writing and put more of me in writing so , sorry its so long was just really was in the mood.

Summary: Dean and you broke up many months ago You both decide it was best after everything that went on, but one night changed for the two of you.

Tagged list @deanwanddamons @holylulusworld @marvelfansworld @donnaintx @katymacsupernatural @myinconnelly1 @amanda-teaches@nikki082489 @flamencodiva

let me know what you think and reviews and thanks so much

(Dean pov)

She was my everything. O client ask for a better girl. It was like that one movie she made me watch. Beauty and the beast. That movie was one of her favorites. I didn't understand why she told me it was our love story. Pssshhh me And love stories ha.

I didn't understand what she meant by it but later I knew what she was telling me. The beast was a mean person who was cursed and didn't have many friends or family. Until one day belle showed up and taught him how to live and learn to love again. I could see why she called me the beast. She was my belle. No matter where she was she always call me her beast and I would call her my belle.

Walking to to old bedroom we use to sleep in together. I turn on the light. So empty and quiet her stuff is gone and the room feels cold and lifeless. Sighing to myself I lay down on the bed. Placing my head on the pillow. The sweet smell still lingers on the pillows. That sweet scented lavender honey mixture she loved. Closing my eyes for a few seconds it feels like she still here.

Few hours later I slowly wale up. Sam wasn't home yet so I decided to get dinner ready. As I started getting out of bed I noticed something odd. The book shelf that was near my bed had some kinda of box.

I reached over to the side pulling it towards me. Taking into my hands. I notice it had belong to (y/n). It wasn't just any box it was one of those chinese boxes she tried to get me interested in(fyi my dad has these when I was kind I loved them so much )

Trying for about ten minutes I was about to give up when I slid one more piece and it popped right open. Placing the box down on the bed I remove the two items from the box .

As I remove the items from the box I find a picture and a letter. i Uncrumpled the picture. It was from when me and (y/n) met for the first time. She was so beautiful and she was so perfect, Moving my finger across the picture. My eyes start to well up. Sniffing a little bit, As I put the picture down I find a note. Opening the note.

August 12. 2013

Dear, Dean

I have had to write this note about 100 times, im not even sure how I am gonna give this to you or maybe send it, ummm. Dean there is so much I wanna tell you but I am not sure how the words can come out. Dean I know life hasnt been easy for you and sam. I know you try to play this tough guy but i know deep down your afraid but its okay. Its okay to someone in. I know i know i have my own issues that i have to slove but Hey we are a team.

He laughs a bit. Runnin his finger down the letter. Few droplets start falling on his face. He finishes reading.

'Dean i hope you know that no matter what happends in life or even in choas times you will always be my beast and i will always be your Belle.

I love you dean more then you know.

Love (y/n)

Dean rubs his hand over his face sighs to himself and sets the paper down. Looking one more time at the picture. Something clicks in his head. He grabs his keys and heads out to find you and tell you he needs you.

Driving for a few hours i decided to stop a motel. I called sam letting him know i was okay. He gave me information on (y/n) .i needed to see her .

Putting my key into the lock of my room. Opening up the room had a very errie look to it. Walls painted like a yellow vomit with a few chipped paint. Walking in i set my bag down on the bed.a part of me wanted to just say fuck it and go back home she wouldnt wanna talk to me.. what could i say to her. A millon thoughts running in my head. I decided to just relax and try to call her. Making my way to thw bathroom when my phone lit up.i grab my phone before i could answer it was (y/n) number lighting up. I quickly answered it.

'(Y/n) i said with a hushed whispear

'dean' she says with a quite sleepy voice.

'Umm hi" i can hear the nervous way of her talking.

'Where are you' she ask me.

'Im in georgia just needed sometime and a vacation"

''IS sam with you'

'Nope just me'

I could hear the nervouseness in her voice. My thoughs were running a millon times fast. I could hear the movement of.my heart muscles beatting so fast it was like it was gonna fault out. For a few minutes there was nothing but silence.

'Is everything alright are you okay? Do you need me to come-

"No sam okay everything fine" i say with a bit of a laugh.

"I just needed time to think and gwt my thoughts in order. I say scratching under my chin.

“Hmmm dean Winchester traveling without his brother wow sounds very serious” you say with a small chuckle .

'I got the letter you wrote me on the first night we met' i say breathing slowly,

I hear a small laugh on the other end.

'Oh that letter yeah i meant to give it to you but i guess i never did. I rewrote that letter like over a thousand times. It was when i wanted to tell you instead of face

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

I close my eyes and listen to her soothing voice

You were made to go out and get her

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better

Hey Jude, don't be afraid

You were made to go out and get her

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better

a tear drop falls from my eye, Trying my best to stay strong and not given in, I remember that song, I would sing it to her when she was sad or when she needed a friend. My heart started to beat more and more it, I was scared it was gonna fall out of my body.

And anytime you feel the pain

Hey Jude, refrain

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

For well you know that it's a fool

Who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder

Na-na-na, na, na

Na-na-na, na

“Dean” You say as tears fall down your face, Trying you best not to break down in front of him. you breath in then out,

“Yes baby” I say

“I miss you” You say trying bot to breakdown and wantng him to come find you and just hold you until you feel whole again.

“what happened between us (y/n)” We use to talk about everything and anything and even when we couldn't talk we just be there. Dean says breathing softly.

“i think we just stop fighting for each other and just didn't care anymore “ You sit down at the kitchen table,

“i think everything changed once you went to hell and you became a different person it was like no matter how hard i fought myself to stay with you in the end i just couldn't do it anymore Breathing and sighing a bit,

I swallow a huge lump in throat.tears falling down my face and brushing them away with my face.

“(y/n) Im so sorry i should have never put you through what i did. i wasn't even thinking of your safety or was thinking about you. Dean says rubbing his neck.

“Dean it wasn't your fault you had so much going on and you had to do what was best for you”

“MY JOB WAS TO BE THERE FOR YOU KEEP YOU SAFE KEEP YOU OUTTA HARMS WAY . Dean says crying.

“Dean” You say with a whispear.

“ Never In a million years did i think having this life would make things seem less crazy but the one thing in my life that was normal and happiness was you”

“after we broke up nothing felt right everything just seemed like i was living in a nightmare and i didn't wanna wake up” Dean says pulling out a tiny small box with gold writing.

“No matter how many bars i went or drinks i had i cloud not stop thinking about you” A part of me wanted to find you and bring you back here and try again.” but i knew I cloud not be that guy i once way.

“Hell changed me in a way i cant explain so many things so many emotion. so much horrible things i cant even put into words princess” Dean says shaking his head and tears falling down his face.

you can feel the pain in deans voice, you can hear him crying and trying his best to stay so long. You knew he had been struggling and you knew he wasn't the same. A part of you blamed yourself for why you and dean fell apart, Hearing the man you love trying this best not to fall to pieces you cant help but feel your heart ripping into two.

"baby I need to know one thing and please tell me' you can hear the pain and sadness in his voice.

"what dean" you say with a hush of your voice.

"I need to see you. I need to feel you with me. All I wanna do is hold you in my arms just hear the you laugh .

"dean" you know you needed dean touch you needed to see him so bad but you didn't know if you let him back in would you go back to normal or would you try to fix it.

"dean" you sigh closing your eyes and breathing deeply.

"I ___ phone goes dead'(y/n(yn)

Dean throws the phone on the bed

"dean dean" she about to call him back when she looks up to see the one man she fears.

"hello(y/n) we meet again soon everything goes black.

"put her in the car come on boys we have a play date"

What do you guys think I may make a second one not sure. I know this isn't my best but I'll be working more on my writting so bye ;)

#my writing #supernatural #deanwhinchester #deanxreader #oneshot #spn #thisonebrokemyheart #reader insert #reader #memories #supernaturaloneshot

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youngmistressofchopchop · 4 years

Text

I did it. Now I dont write, I draw so this is not gonna be so good. Its been through many revisions and I realized I spelt "Yuseke" as "Yueske the entire time so forgive me ill fix that next chapter. My Kuwabara x oc story:

It was finally cold again. Miyoko was overjoyed, she had never liked summer. Sure there was no school and she had more time with friends, but she couldn't stand the heat. She detested those sweaty nights, or how the bugs always bothered her, actually she didnt care for any part of summer.

Miyoko had dropped so many hints over the years and yet somehow, Kuwabara still had no clue. His air-headed-ness was cute, but it made things difficult for the shy girl Miyoko was. She just couldn't work up the nerve to say something, and when she did, something would always interrupt her. However, today she planned to change that! Miyoko got dressed up as cozy as she could, ready for what her and her friends had planned and with a gleam of excitement in her eyes, she headed out the door.

That was apart from going to see her crush, Kazuma Kuwabara's baseball games, he would play every summer. When they were younger, he played in an official team wearing his "Mötor Head" jersey and smoking every opposing team he played against. Miyoko never missed a single game! Every home run, every strike, and every fight that broke out because of a bad call, she was there. When they got older, she would be there to watch him play against his friends, still wearing that jersey. She was always supportive of him, she was madly in love with him, and had been for awhile.

"Urameshi!! Where do you think you're going?? I was talking to you!" Kuwabara's feet hit the sidewalk with force as he sprinted after Yueske, who had walked only a few feet, forcing Kuwabara to stop abruptly frantically trying to steady himself without falling. After regaining balance, Kuwabara grabed a fists full of his friend's jacket to pull him close aggressively.

"D-Dont tell anyone! Or I'll break your mouth, so you cant tell anyone nothin' ever again!!" Kuwabara's face was as red as the setting sun. Unfazed, Yuseke stared at Kuwabara blankly for a short second before sighing and shrugging the big flustered fool off of him.

"Listen man, I wont say anything. But this is getting really annoying. Ive told you before that you should just go through with it. Whats your problem with admitting to her anyways?" Yuseke looked to the helpless man and immediately regretted asking. Kuwabara looked off dramatically twords the orange and red sky. His shoulders slouched, slumping over, and fiddling with his hands.

"I....Shes really pretty, ya know? And...Im well...ya know?" His voice trailed off, as if wanting reassurance he was being foolish. When there was no reply, Kuwabara peeked up with a quivering bottom lip.

Yueske stood with his hands in his pocket saying nothing, only wearing a furrowed brow and tight lips. Suddenly, he burst into laughter. Causing Kuwabara to stand up straight and look at him even more embarrassed, and ready to punch him.

"I never thought I'd hear the great Kuwabara, warrior of love, admit to being ugly!!" Mocked Yueske. He bent over shaking his head and slapping his leg, resting his other elbow on his knee and laughing loudly. He straightened and wiped a fake tear from his eye. Kuwabara gasped in shock.

"What?? Ugly??" Again Kuwabara grabbed at his friend, this time missing and falling. He quickly got up and held up a threatening fists.

"Im not ugly!! Im just not a romantic type!!" He rubbed his fists on his chest.

"I am a warrior of love, so I know how to treat a lady and how to talks to girls, I just....." He paused, his mouth moving like hes trying to remember how talking works. "She's different!!" He finaly blurted out. "She reads them girly romance books that Kurama likes!!" With a frustrated grunt, Kuwabara rubbed his neck nervously and spoke in a much more serious tone.

"Ive known her a real long time, and I cant tell her yet cuz I'm kinda worried she only thinks of me like how Shizuru thinks of me." Yueske picked up on the seriousness of the situation and scoffed trying to lighten things up again.

"Well you are ugly, but I think she likes you anyway. Besides man, why asks me? You think I read them werid books?" Yueske pat Kuwabara awkwardly on the shoulder.

"No way. I asked cuz you have a girlfriend!!" Kuwabara turned to look at Yueske who was moving his arm away.

"So? Doesnt mean I know what im doing, just asks Keiko." The boys laugh, seeming to have calmed down a great deal. Before much more could be said, four familiar and approaching voices could be heard chatting playfully.

"Oh dear, you didnt actually take me seriously did you, Miyoko?" Botan said in a teasing tone.

"I did!! I'm gullible, you cant just tell me anything about spirit world.I will believe it!! Everytime!" The two girls laughed.

"I've noticed," Interjected Kurama. "You have managed to retained alot of attributes from your childhood haven't you? I find that interesting." Kurama continud, wrapping an arm around Botan.

"Alot of people say that...is that a bad thing? I'm not immature am I?" Miyoko felt nervous now. Maybe that was the why Kuwabara never seemed to return her feelings, perhaps she wasn't mature enough for a relationship.

Keiko quickly spouted, "No no! I don't think he meant it like that, I think it's cute!" Keiko put a reassuring arm around Miyoko and smiled a friendly smile.

"Ofcourse! Its an admirable trait." Kurama said as Botan giggled.

Botan wagged her finger and pointed it at Miyoko with a knowing smile "Im on to you! You shouldn't feel so insecure!" Botan pulled her arm back and used it to hug Kurama's arm. "Don't be so hard on yourself, I know you're simply nervous, so you're being extra critical of yourself, but you'll do fine!" Botan hummed encouragingly. "And, we all look fantastic!" Botan added as they all rounded the corner.

Keiko stopped dead in her tracks, and started tapping her foot. "Well, most of us are...Yueske! I thought I told you to dress up!!" Keiko pouted, walking over to her boyfriend's side.

Yueske was the most casually dressed out of all of them. Just wearing his usual faded blue jeans, black converse shoes, plain yellow shirt and favorite green and yellow windbreaker jacket. He looked even more underdressed standing next to Keiko. She was wearing a lovely pale pink turtleneck, a plum purple suspender skirt reaching to her knees, long white socks, and loafers to match her skirt. Despite their contrasting attire, they somehow matched perfectly.

Yueske wrapped his arm around Keiko's shoulder and smirked."Kuwabara isnt dressed up." He looked over to Kuwabara and nodded his way while jutting his thumb twords his friend.

"What!! I am too!! This is the nicest thing I got!! Other than like...a tux or something!!" Kuwabara wore a blue Letterman jacket, a red sweater with dark blue jeans, and brown dress boots laced in black, he was indeed dressed up quite nicely. Miyoko blushed at the sight of his clothing, he cleaned up nicely as always. She couldn't help but smile at him, it was always a slight surprise to see him out of his school uniform. Kuwabara had a simular reaction to Miyoko's choice of clothing. She dawned a wine red A-line dress, knitted black leggins, and shin high beige lace up boots. She wasn't one to dress up like this, but she wanted to tonight, it was a special night after all.

Trying to redirect the situation and prevent Yueske and Kuwabara from fighting, Botan chimed in. "Well, I never have to worry about Kurama when it comesto presentation! Unless ofcourse, he's overdressed and making me look a fool!" Kurama and Botan giggled to eachother looking the most put together, like they were the parents of the group. Tonight, everyone was going their part to help Miyoko's odds, evident by Botan, who was wearing something much different from her usual choice of clothing.

She modelled a white turtle neck dress, form fitting reaching just above her knees with a small slit on the right side, with sleeves that reached slightly past her palms, she wore her wedding ring, hoop earings, beige velvet tights, and blue slip on flats to top off the look. To match her, Kurama dressed just as nice. Wearing a white button up tucked neatly into his dark brown pants, red suspenders with red suede shoes laced in black, and a matching wool trench coat to top complete it all. Now everyone felt underdressed.

"So what are we doing anyway?" Yueske asked scratching his cheek. Keiko shook her head "Are you serious? You've been waiting around this long, and you dont even know why??" Yueske simpled shrugged "I guess?"

Botan sighed looking tired, Yueske was a handful for everyone. "Dont you remember, Yueske? I told you this morning! We're all having dinner!"

Botan motioned to the brick building everyone was standing next to. "You've been standing right next to the restaurant! Where I told you we would be meeting up, seriously! You didn't connect the dots?" Botan tilted her head with a hopeless look. Yueske gritted his teeth and roughly pulled Keiko by her hip to his, talking through his teeth. "Whatever!!" He sighed and let go of Keiko fixed his hair flustered, he brought his fists down onto his palm talking loudly. "So now that we're all here, can we go?? Im starving and you guys took all damn evening to get here!"

Keiko lightly kicked his shoe pouting up at him. "Hush!! Its not our fault you dont listen, besides you didnt even try to dress nice! So I dont feel sorry for you." Yuseke quickly stepped aside and raised his voice a bit "Hey! Didnt ya hear me?? I didn't know what was going on!!" Keiko roughly poked her boyfriend's chest, "Again, not our problem! Listen and you wouldn't have to worry!!"

Kurama was the first to put a stop to the bickering. He took a wide step twords the brick building and grabbed the glass doors handle, he opened the door and motioned for everyone fallow him inside.

So theres that. I'll write more soon. I hope its as fun to read as it was fun to write.

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shotosbabie · 5 years

Text

𝓑𝓵𝓾𝓮

☽~ I don't particularly like this fic, but I wanted to give it Angst a try and came up with this since this has been in my drafts for quite a while

☽~ This was inspired by 'Blue' by bolbbagan.

☽~ Warnings: Slight language! But other than that enjoy!

☽~ Word count of 1,124

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

'Im asking if you’re doing well, I hope you get a little better than now’

You tell him over and over again to be careful, to use his quirk carefully and whenever it was necessary, it never worked.

'I still can not face your eyes again.. you still seem to hate me’

Then one day as you were telling him over and over again. He snapped. He looked over at your direction, with hatred glossing over his eyes before spewing words, words that affected you a lot.

“You know what Y/N!? I had enough of you thinking you know what's good for me! I can handle myself, I can achieve my goal of being number one.. even if it means that I need to leave you behind..” And with that, he walked away.

You knew in your heart that he, the boy that you were hopelessly in love with, never meant that.. right? Well as the days went by, he seemed to stop trying to fix what was broken, like it never happened. He just left you.

‘I was so beautiful when I was loved.I hate it, I hate it, I like it a little bit’

Wiping the tears off your face, re-reading the texts you and Izuku sent each other, they once made you heart flutter but why is it making your heart break now? You were still a fool blinded by love, he said he’d love you and wouldn't stop, why’d he stop so suddenly?

'Im sorry, I hate you, I still like you’

You couldn't get a reason to hate Izuku, even after telling you off, after telling you that he’ll be fine without you, and it seems like he is. 'I hate you I truly do’ was the constant lie you told yourself, 'But why is my heart telling me otherwise’

“Please! Let’s talk about it! I don't want us to end, let's try to fix it. I’ll be better I won't tell you what to do, I-I just want you back!” You exclaimed, he held a stoic face, the wind from the rooftop hit you. He looked at the ground, and simply said..

“There's nothing to fix, we were doomed in the beginning” as he left you to collapse with the floor, letting out the sobs you’ve been holding back.

— —

‘Now the colour of my heart is blue, I feel bad’

But he.. he was hurting inside, he never wanted you to be hurt, he promised to protect you but even so, he couldn't protect you from himself. “I'm sorry Y/N” he whispered.

‘You know, I’m a little tired. I wish I was a little bit more sick than now’

You were tired of always crying over him, it was time to move on, and finish hero course, even if it means leaving all your memories behind. One day Izuku seemed like he bounced back to normal, he started giving you small talk like “How was your day?” or “Good morning!” But you knew better than to just avoid him.

'Even if you are sick and tired, I still can not face your eyes again’

One day Izuku seemed to bounce back to your head, you started to think “How is he today” “Is he overusing his quirk again?” That question seemed to be the culprit of this situation. You stumbled upon Izuku while walking back home, he was walking with Uraraka, but when you passed by, his eyes.. weren't the same happy ones whenever he saw you, they were dull?

'You still seem to hate me’

You continued walking where your feet took you, whether it be at a convenience store or back home. But you knew your home was with Izuku

‘My heart is true true when I’m with you, I was so beautiful when I was loved’

Some call it obsession, but you call it longing. Longing of something that was long gone. So why are you still at home crying? It's been 2 weeks, he moved on right on the spot, when he broke it with you. Why couldn't you do the same?

'You’re asking for if I’ve been well, do you? Not really, I wish you’d be in more pain’

It wasn't a very hero move to wish pain on others, but after knowing that he confessed to Uraraka and now they were together you couldn't help but ask God for some misfortune onto them. For him lying, lying about how he wanted to achieve his goal before anything else, but I guess he just fell out of love and fell in love with another, not knowing how to break it up with you, he made up an excuse so he can break up with you, and after all this time you thought something was wrong with you.

After weeks of dreading each and every school day, you finally felt.. normal, they call it numb, you didn't feel anymore remorse, pain or sadness, it was official, you were numb. You kept a straight face every day, earning a nickname from the exploding boy. 'Iron face’ he calls, it was not as insulting as shitty hair. You actually enjoyed the company of Bakugou, even though most of the times he was yelling at you.

“Now you understand how shitty Deku is?” He sneers, you held no grudge on the green haired boy, “I don't think he's shitty, he had a reason to break up with me, he fell out of love, it wasn't his fault” he looks at you, “You really are forgiving” he mumbled. “What was that?” You turn to him, making him flustered, “N-nothing iron face! Just shut up, he lied to you, and chose round face over there over you” he pointed.

You always wondered if he like Uraraka, “Did you ever like her?” “Heh, why would I tell you?” “Well I did tell you my story, it wouldn't be nice to just keep it in, don't bottle it like I did” you said, “Don’t tell me what to fucking do” he gritted, you could clearly tell that he was in pain.

“So you did” “Don't go deciding for me!” He yelled, shielding his face from your vision. “Don't worry I don't think you're fragile, it's pretty tough to open up to others so I think you're strong enough to do that” you explained, standing up.

“I guess I can say that our hearts were both painted blue” extending a hand to Bakugou, he slaps it and stands up on his own, “I can stand up on my own, dumbass” he whispers.

'Sometimes I wish he felt a little bit of regret leaving me behind’

'So blue blue, we are painted blue blue.

When our minds were bruised blue’

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Plus Ultra Peachie!

#bnha #mha #bnha imagines #bnha scenarios #bnha x reader #bnha deku #bnha todoroki #todoroki shouto #bnha bakugou #bnha kirishima #bnha oneshots #midoriya izuku #todoroki x reader #katsuki bakugou #shouto x reader #bnha hitoshi #bnha shinsou #kirishima eijirou #bnha angst

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evawelsh · 4 years

Conversation

a story about toxicity by liberty welsh

There was this guy his name was bear, bear saw eva was sad, and depressed. Bear decided to text Eva and see what was up. “Hey I know you're going through a rough time and I know it's hard, but it gets better. I've been through something similar. Eva doesn't trust anybody anymore, she's been broken so many times and doesn't know how to be fixed, but she took a risk and texted him back. “Hey…, thank you but i don't think you would understand, but thanks for checking up.”

“hey , you can tell me if u want i probably get more than u think.”

For some reason Eva had a sense of trust, a sense of understanding of this guy so she told him most of it. “Ive had 18 surgeries, ive bein raped, i get nightmares constantly every night,ive tried to kill myself 3 difrent time, ive been hurt, im broken, i have a eating disorder, im so broken and so scared nobody can put me back together.”

“ you have no clue how much i relate to all of that, every single one of things i get maybe even worse.”

“You've been raped before…? And youve tried to kill yourself?

“ Yeah i have, and yeah 30+ times i've tried and haven't succeeded.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, just know it'll get better, I promise.”

“Thank you.”

At that moment Eva trusted him more then anyone else, more then she has in a long time.

Over a couple of weeks Eva and Bear got closer, they'd talk almost every day constantly, Eva grew closer to Bear, she liked him a lot.

One day at school while sitting with friends she was texting him and decided to text him and say that she really likes him.

“Yeah i get that a lot” was his response

Liberty almost started crying, for some reason it hurt, more than anything in awhile, she really cared about him, but because she cared about him so much she decided to stay and not stop talking to him, later that night she decided to try again and told him how much she really cared about him. He said he did but doesn't do long distance relationship scenes. He lived in Virginia and she lived in idaho. She said please i can make u so happy, he said okay i'll take the chance. That night they both fell even harder for each other.

The third of dating he said i love you; she was confused and didn't know how to respond because no one ever felt that way about her before and didn't know how to respond. There were such strong words that should only be used when u truly care for each other. She finally said i love you too, it was a big deal to her

That night Eva wrote her boyfriend a very long paragraph about how much she cared for him and waited for him to wake up to respond and see it. When Bear woke up he read the long paragraph and started to cry, because he also never had somebody that cared that much about him and thanked her so much. Bear was also broken maybe even worse than ever but they brought each other back together

Long distance was hard and about 2 weeks in their relationship eva got her phone taken away, she always found ways to talk to him, at first t tell him what happened she commented on a post of his on instagram, saying it doesn't mean the end and she's trying her hardest to get it back, she found a old phone and used it to text him, and at school her old best friend would text bear videos and photos of eva to keep his hope going. Eva later broke her old phone but found a tablet they were calling one night and she go caught and go it taken away, her friend let her use her phone to tell him to add her on facebook so she could text him off her ps4 on messenger, he did and they texted that way for a long time

Eva was soon aloud to have her phone back for 2 hours a day and would text her boyfriend on her ps4 seeing if he could talk because she would use all that time talking to him, they would facetime for 2 hours or if he couldn't would text, it brought them closer together

One night bear told eva something he hadn't been telling her, bear would get these chest pains everyday 3 times a day, he said it would feel like someone put a hot frying pan up to his chest and would just hold it there and not take it off, when he told her it was happening she cried and cried and cried a lot because she knew she couldn't be there to comfort him and to help make it feel better and had to do it over the phone with what time she had left on it

Eva was happy, she wasn't broken anymore, she was happy, one time she was at a sleepover with her all time best friend kate, eva had her phone for the sleepover so she wanted her two favorite people to meet each other and they facetimed her boyfriend all night, in the middle evas phone died so she gave katelynn her boyfriends number so they could still face, kate later kept sending embarrassing pictures of eva to her boyfriend and in the middle of the sleepover eva was texting her boyfriend, and was apparently smiling a lot, katelynn texted him a picture and it made him so over filled with happiness

Later in the relationship it started to go bad; bear was still broken, he told her that if she ever broke up with him he would kill himself gain and it would all be her fault, he said this cause he was so use to being left and thought it was the only way to keep her to stay with him was to tell her that, this broke her, she felt at fault for everything, like everything was her fault

She finally decided to tell her brother to ask what to do he said it was very toxic and he shouldn't be doing thi but sense he never had done something like this before give him a couple days and see if it continues if it does then don't deal with it, it continued after a couple days and she told kate what had happened and how she didnt want to leave even if it meant risking her own mental health so he wouldn't die. Kate almost had to force her to break up with the bear because she was so afraid he would actually do it.

After that he couldn't text her anymore, she was worried, eventually she finally got back in contact and would text occasionally, everytime they texted she would cry, and couldn't stop, almost every time they texted they'd fight and it broke her all over again

One time she was at a game and she texted him they got in the biggest fight yet and she was crying even more than before, she was completely broken, what she realizes that nobody had noticed or cared she was crying and breaking down and nobody asked what was wrong.

She had realized he became the monster she feared and would dream of

One night she was at the school dance with her friends, they had come over earlier and they all got ready together, she was happy for one she found her source of happiness. When she was at the dance, she got a text. The text. He said “hey”

“Hey how are you

“Terrible i can't stop crying “

“what's wrong”

“I don't want to talk about it”

“Please i know u better than anyone tell me”

“My best friend back home in athens killed himself”

“Omg im so sorry”

He wouldn't text back the rest of the night. Towards the end of the night she texted again and “said can i ask u something?”

“Sure”

“Did u actually try,,, to kill yoursellf”

“Yeah 3 times”

“How”

“OD”

“Was it all my fault?”

“Yes”

That night Eva was broken again all over again, she was right it was all her fault, she caused everything and it was all her fault. She cried a lot at the dance and just wanted to go home.

Eva lost her sense of home after that night when she got home, it didn't feel like home, she'd cry and cry wanting to go home but she was home, but it didn't feel the same. It was filled with memories of the monster.

They stopped talking for awhile, until they later got in contact again, he was apparently happier, he told her he had a girlfriend, and how the night bear and eva broke up they got together, this broke eva all together again because she realized she still loved him so much. She pretended to be happy they talked for longer, he told her he didn't want her in his life anymore, this broke her, she told him to tell her what he was feeling before she left and got out of his life for forever

“Are u sure u want me to”

“Yes just say it”

““I FUCKING HATE YOU”

“Yeah, i figured”

“No no no, i've hated u ever scene the day you left”

Eva remembered all the times after words were see said shell just leave because it seemed better for him and he said no stay i care about u still, and she believed him

You're so selfish when it comes to relationships and annoying as hell. I literally hate u anywhere u go u cause pain and i just want u gone and out of my life.

This broke eva one more time, she didn't realize it till now that she loc=ved him she loved him so much that i love outweighed the bad and all the bad things he had done to her, she still love him and wanted him back

This relationship, was very toxic this relationship caused eva a lot of problems mentally, she began to hate herself she came very very depressed, she would cut constantly to try and relax herself and distract herself and to make it all go away even if it was for a brief time, she didn't think she was pretty enough, she thought of her sels as ugly she thought of herself as fat, and not good enough for anybody, so she refused to talk to anybody about anything anymore, she thought that if she kept it all in and bottled it up and never knew nobody would have a chance to hurt her again

One day in math class she got sat next to this person they were named jordan, her and jordan became to grow closer to each other, every day when eva would enter class, even looking like a disaster jordan would say hey gorgeous, or ey beautiful, jordan taught eva how to trust again, jordan helped ever feel better again feel better about herself again, jordan taught her that it was okay to be happy and it was okay to trust people. Jordan taught Eva to love again and to love herself.

Everyday after school Jordan would hang out with Eva at the homework club, Eva told Jordan all of her secrets and all of her stories. Jordan was the first person she learned to trust and the first person who taught her it's okay to be vulnerable. Jordan means a lot to Eva and couldn't live without her.

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boop-bri · 7 years

Text

Try Again

Written By: Admin Hobicat

Pairing: Yoongi X Reader (ft. Hoseok)

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Word Count: 4,751

AN: Here’s part two to Experimenting I’ve been meaning to upload. With the way I ended it I almost want to make a part three. Idk if I should though. If you guys think so let me know. The ask box is open if anyone wants to request something. I’m currently working on a Jeonghan smut 👀 lol. I can’t add a link to the first part yet 😥😥 but if you want to read it cause you haven’t just click on my page and search masterlist and the story will pop up along with my others. I need to make a masterlist eventually though lol.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So when’s the last time you’ve seen Yoongi?”

“It’s been about a month now I think. I don’t plan on seeing him again. He broke up with me so what’s done is done.”

Hoseok scoffed, rolling his eyes at my comment. Hoseok and I sat in a cafe outside of the boys dorm. It’s mostly just us hanging out, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t starting to develop very small feelings for him. Ever since Yoongi and I broke up Hoseok has been by my side trying to cheer me up any way he can.

“You know he talks about you a lot. Its obvious that he misses you. Maybe you should come by and talk to him or something.”

“Why would I talk to him? He. Broke. Up. With. Me. I’m trying to move on Hoseok. It’s for the best anyway. All we do is fight when we’re together. Why should I be with him when he continues to act like talking to me about our problems like a normal adult is too hard for him.” Hoseok frowned, taking a sip of his coffee, before nodding.

“Yeah I get that, but this could give you closure. You both obviously need to resolve some things.”

“I don’t know Hoseok. I’m not really up for talking to him right now. Especially after the last argument we had.” Every time I think about the fight my heart begins to hurt. Flashes of that moment began playing in my head as if to remind me why I needed to move on.

“What’s your deal Yoongi? Why are you bitching at me over something as stupid as me wanting to eat your ass? I thought you liked it? We haven’t even had sex in almost a week.” This was the fifth fight Yoongi and I have had since last week.

“I do like it, but you keep constantly asking. I’m not always up for it yet you still beg me. I’m not always up for sex (Y/N). Besides sorry I have things to do other than tending to your wants.” I was baffled. Yoongi has never talked to me this way before. Sure he could say some snarky things when he was in a bad mood, but this was different. He almost seemed angry towards me and not at whatever issue he had.

“Beg you?! I’ve never once begged you for shit Yoongi. I thought since you liked it so much that you’d just be up for it all the time. Excuse me for not knowing. Is it too much to want your boyfriend to pay attention to you and want you sexually? It never was a problem before so why are you making it one now? Whatever issue you have doesn’t give you an excuse to come at me like this.” Yoongi kept his back to me, continuing to work on whatever he was working on. I could feel my anger rising the more he didn’t turn around to face me. This whole ignoring me thing he seemed to be doing more often when we fought was getting old very quick.

“It felt like you were begging me for it. Look it doesn’t even matter. I’m really busy so I don’t have time for any of this. I have songs I need to finish soon. I’m just going to go to the studio and work there. I’ll see you later.” Finally Yoongi turned around to face me, a blank look on his face, before moving towards the bed to grab his jacket. Stepping in front of him I stared him straight in his eyes.

“You always do this Yoongi. When we get in a fight you just up and leave and don’t come back till the morning or stay at the dorm. I’m tired of it. If you can’t stay here and talk to me like an adult then what’s the point?” Yoongi looked past me looking annoyed at me stopping him.

“I have to finish these songs. I’ll be back later.” Yoongi walked around me on his way towards the door. All the anger I’d been feel that’s just piled up along with him just constantly blowing me off was finally too much.

“If you leave now don’t bother coming back Yoongi!” Time seemed to slow down in that moment. As I turned to face him, angry tearing filling my eyes, I hoped he would just come back and hug me. I hoped he would turn around and tell me he was sorry and say what was wrong with him. I waited what felt like forever then he finally moved, towards the door.

“I’m serious Yoongi! If you leave we’re done! I can’t keep doing this with you! All this fighting constantly only for you to leave and ignore me like I’m not even here! I’m over it!” Silence. Yoongi still kept his back to me seeming to pause for what felt like forever before he opened the door. My heart felt like it was sinking into the pit of my stomach as he walked out with his back to me, and just like that our relationship was done.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?” I blinked as my mind came back to the present. Hoseok had a frown on his face while his hand touched my shoulder.

“I’m fine. I actually have some stuff I need to do so I gotta go.”

“Oh, okay. You still coming over Saturday to hang out right? Yoongi is gonna be busy all day so you won’t have to worry about him showing up. You’ll be gone before he comes home. He’s been staying late at the studio a lot.” My heart hurt a little bit to hear that. He always buried himself in his work and neglects himself when something bothers him. Hoseok got up from his chair, walking with me to open the door and leaving out with me.

“Yeah I’ll be there. Thanks for hanging out with me for a little bit. See you Saturday.”

After hugging we went our separate ways. I

I couldn’t help but to glance back towards their apartment and to my shock there Yoongi stood across the street. He just stood there staring at me like he’d never seen me before. My heart began to ache the longer we looked at each other until finally he turned towards Hoseok who had made it over to him.

That having been the first time I’d seen him in so long I didn’t know how to react. Had he seen Hoseok and I hug? Would he ask Hoseok about me? Why did I even care? My heart immediately went into overdrive and I quickly made my way to my home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally it was Saturday. Just getting off of work I was beyond tired and making my way towards the boys dorm. After seeing Yoongi those few days ago I felt strangely more excited to go over to hang out with Hoseok. Maybe it was because I hoped Yoongi would show himself. Or maybe I was just excited to be around Hoseok.

“Took you long enough to get here. The pizza was getting cold.” Hoseok said as he opened the door.

“Oh shut up. There was traffic. Are you gonna move so I can come in?” Hoseok stepped to the side to let me in and once inside I immediately glanced around for any sign of Yoongi.

“So you’re sure Yoongi isn’t gonna show up, right?”

“Positive. He texted me a few minutes ago that he’s gonna be at the studio for most of the night.”

“That’s good.” I mumbled. That was a lie though. I almost felt disappointed that I wouldn’t see Yoongi.

“Where’s the rest of the boys?” I asked when I noticed how quiet it was. It was rarely ever quiet when I use to come over to see Yoongi.

“They went out to see some movie and go eat. It’s gonna be just for awhile.” Walking towards the couch I could feel this sense of longing come over me.

I hadn’t been in the dorm for awhile. It was almost weird not seeing Yoongi sitting on the couch with his headphones on waiting for me. Flopping down onto the couch, the smell of pizza filled my nose and immediately my stomach rumbled. I hadn’t eaten dinner yet since we planned on eating pizza and I was beyond starving.

“Sounds like someone is hungry. Let me go get some plates. Why don’t you find a movie on Netflix we can watch. Just don’t make it scary.” Rolling my eyes I scroll through Netflix and just to spite him I ended up picking a scary movie I had planned on watching on my own. I mostly picked it as a joke to see his reaction, but a small part of me really wanted to watch it.

“Got the plates. (Y/N)! I said no scary movies!” Hoseok pouted as he sat beside me.

“The movie probably isn’t even that scary. You’ll be fine. If you get scared just cover your face or something.” I said jokingly. Hoseok huffed and bit his lip as he looked at the screen.

“But…” I could tell he was getting a little freaked out at the thought of watching this movie. I almost changed my mind and picked another movie, but before I could pick the remote up Hoseok grabbed it first.

“Alright fine. I’m brave I can handle it. You’re right it probably won’t even be scary.”

“You know we dont really have to watch this. I mostly picked it to mess with you.” Hoseok shooked his head and puffed his chest out as if to show how he could handle this.

“Im a big boy (Y/N). I can handle it.” I almost wanted to laugh. We both knew he wouldnt be able to handle it. Halfway through the movie hell probably want to turn it off.

“Alright if you say so. It’ll be fine. If you get too scared I’m always here.” Hoseok nodded, grabbing some pizza and placing it on his plate. Following his lead I grab some as well then before he pressed play.

The movie started playing and so far Hoseok hadn’t even flinched at the cliche jump scare the movie started off with. I was starting to think he wasn't as scary as he claimed to be. That was about until halfway through the movie when a scare that even got me popped up. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone yell so loud. Hoseok grabbed on my arm, pulling me closer to him, till I was squished up into his side.

“You okay?” I felt the need to ask. It was my fault we were watching this movie that he would probably get nightmares from.

“I’m a little better now that you’re closer. Fuck I didn’t think the killer was gonna pop up like that.” I was a little too stunned to reply back to him considering what he’d just said. The small part of me that was beginning to develop a crush on him didn’t know how to respond so I just decided to stay quiet.

For the rest of the movie Hoseok and I sat cuddled up together, holding each other every time something scary was happening. I had completely forgotten about hoping Yoongi would show up. At some point during the movie Hoseok had grabbed the blanket behind us and placed it over us. By the time the movie had ended I was starting to feel a little sleepy and I think Hoseok could tell.

“Hey if you want you can lay on the other end of the couch and put your feet on my lap. I don’t mind. You must be tired from work.”

“I am a little tired, but I’m okay. I’ll just stay right here, if you don’t mind.” I could feel Hoseok tense beside me before he relaxed.

“I, uh, I don’t mind. Wanna put on another movie?”

“Sure. I promise I won’t pick something scary this time.” Hoseok chuckled, his chest rumbling against my ear. I felt so soft in that moment. His laugh was one of the things I liked about him. Even when he just chuckles I can’t help but smile at him.

“I appreciate that. I don’t know if I can handle another scary movie.”

For the next few hours we just sat and watched movies to pass the time. Occasionally making a game out of the movies to make them more fun. By the time the last movie finished playing it was almost ten o'clock. I was beginning to get more tired, but I was so comfortable laying against hoseok I really didn’t want to move to go home.

“Its getting pretty late (Y/N). Maybe you should be getting home.” He was right. It’d be smart to leave now before it became too late. The boys were probably on their way as well. I was just having too much fun being with Hoseok.

“You’re probably right. I have to get up a little early for work tomorrow anyways.” I sighed, sitting up away from Hoseoks side, before moving the cover off of me.

Glancing over at him I was a little surprised to see him staring at me with this look on his face that made my chest tighten. Hoseok smiled at me, handing me my phone off the table and my chest tightened some more once our hands brushed together. Hoseok was always attractive to me yet I only ever considered him like a friend. Especially when I was dating Yoongi.

“I guess I’ll be going now.” My voice came out almost like a whisper as we stared at each other.

“That’d be the best thing. Its getting late after all.” I nodded, but didn’t make any signs of moving. Neither did Hoseok.

He actually began moving closer, his hand that was on top of mine moving up my arm. Hoseok had moved so close now. So close all I had to do was lean forward just a little and our lips would touch. His hand was now resting against my cheek, warming my skin. I felt like I was floating. This moment didn’t seem real, but I almost didn’t want it to end. There was a nagging voice in the back of my mind that I couldn’t make out.

“(Y/N).” Hoseok whispered softly. My body shivered as his thumb stroked my cheek.

“Hoseok I-”

“Do you want me to stop?” His face moved closer, our noses touching at this point.

A part of me wanted to tell him to stop. That this wasn’t right. He was Yoongi’s friend as well as mine and we had only been broken up for a few months. Yet another part of me that had an attraction towards hoseok wanted to keep going. To see what it’d be like to kiss him. I shook my head, not having a voice to tell him not to stop. Hoseoks eyes seemed to light up just before our lips touched. Instantly I felt tingles as our lips moved against each other in sync.

Hoseoks lips are so soft, a lot softer than I thought they’d be. Sliding my hands up his back I grabbed onto the back of his hair, licking his bottom lip for entrance and he let me in without a fight. Our tongues pressed together, softly stroking each other, as I moved to straddle Hoseok. Things were starting to get heated the longer we kissed. Hoseoks hands were stroking my sides under my shirt and I hadn’t even noticed I’d started lightly grinding against him until he let out a soft moan.

“What the fuck!” My body froze at the sound of the door slamming closed and the familiar voice yelling at us. I quickly got off of Hoseok. My heart was racing a mile a minute.

“Yoongi! I thought you were staying at the studio?” Hoseok stood up from the couch, running a hand through his hair, as he looked everywhere but at Yoongi who was fuming by the front door.

I couldn’t help but to stare at him. He looked skinnier than the last time I saw him like he hadn’t been eating that much and if the dark bags under his eyes were anything to go by he hasn’t been sleeping that much either. Why did my heart hurt to see him so drained.

“I was, but I felt tired so I decided to come home. It’s a good thing I did too.” The earlier anger in his voice was now gone and replaced with the indifferent tone he would use when we fought.

“Look, Yoongi, it’s not what you think.” Hoseok said making Yoongi scoff.

“Well what I think is that my ex and one of my best friends are hooking up behind my back. Is that not true?” I still hadn’t gained the courage to speak up. I hadn’t seen him in so long and for this to be the way we see each other again was not how I wanted it to happen.

“We’re not hooking up behind your back.”

“Sure looks like it to me. Look you know what I don’t care. You two do whatever the fuck you want. I’m going back to the studio.” Yoongi glanced over at me and I don’t know if it was the sad look in his eyes or the fact that he was leaving, but I suddenly felt like I had to speak up.

“Yoongi wait!” Yoongi stopped, his hand just about to reach for the door and stood there.

“What do you want?” I flinched at the cold tone in his voice.

“We need to talk.”

“Too bad I don’t want to talk to you.” Yoongi opened the door, preparing to walk out again, but stopped last minute.

“Fuck it. Fine you want to talk, let’s talk.” I don’t think I’d ever seen Yoongi move as fast as he just did to walk over to me and grab my arm. He pulled me out of the living room towards his and Jimins room.

“Wait slow down Yoongi.” Yoongi threw the door open, pulling me inside then slamming it behind him.

“You want to talk. So talk.” He walked away from the door with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Everything that I had wanted to say to him. Everything that I had kept bottled up inside of me for so long suddenly just vanished now that we were alone in the room.

“Don’t you have something to say? Aren’t you going to try to justify why you were about to sleep with my friend? Aren’t you going to fucking say something?”

“I wasn’t going to sleep with Hoseok.” I said softly.

“I doubt it. If I hadn’t have walked in when I did would you have stopped him?” I thought it over in my mind and realized that yes I would have stopped him.

“I would have. I never intended for it to go that far. I never intended to even kiss him. It just happened. Besides we’re not together Yoongi. I can do whatever I want.”

“You’re right. You can do whatever you want, but why with my friend?” Yoongi took a few steps towards me as he talked.

“I told you already it just happened! He’s my friend too!” I took a few steps towards him as well.

“You two sure look like more than friends to me. Why don’t you just admit that you like him. Probably have since we we’re together. I saw the way you two would look at each other. How long have you two been fucking each other? While we were together? Since we broke up?” I froze. I couldn’t believe he had just said that. Just accused me of fucking Hoseok while we were together. Is that what he thought of me?

“So that’s what you think of me? You think I’m some slut that would cheat on her boyfriend? You really must not know me then Yoongi. Is this why you would act like such an asshole to me? I can’t believe you. You’re such an asshole I can’t believe I was ever with you. You can go fuck yourself Yoongi. I’m leaving.” Turning around to make my way towards the door I didn’t even get halfway there before he was stopping me.

His hand wrapped around my arm, pulling me until my back was pressed against his chest. I just stood there not knowing what to do or how to react. I was angry at him, so angry, but I was sad too. Sad that we had gotten to this point. We use to be so happy together and now all we do is argue.

“I’m sorry (Y/N). I didn’t mean that. I’m just angry and hurt. I’m sorry. I don’t think you and Hoseok had anything going on. That wasn’t the reason I was such a dick to you.” A part of me knew that he hadn’t meant to accuse me like that, but that didn’t make the hurt go away.

“Then what was it? Why do we always fight so much Yoongi? What happened to us?” Yoongi didn’t answer me. He just wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his forehead against the back of my head.

“It’s my fault. I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings and every time you wanted to talk all I’d do is push you away. Im just so stressed. Between making songs pretty much all day, practice and the tour we’re about to go on I’ve just felt swamped. That doesn’t make how I acted right. I should have just talked to you about things. I’m sorry.”

“Do you even love me Yoongi?” Yoongi tightened his arms around me more.

“Of course I love you.”

“It doesn’t feel like you do.” I said as I moved away from him. I turned to face Yoongi, tears filling my eyes as I looked at him. I was so tired of the constant fighting between us. Yoongi didn’t answer, just looked down to avoid my eyes.

“Why do we even bother trying? We’re not good for each other Yoongi. If this is all we do then we don’t need to be together and make each other miserable. If we can’t even talk to each other about our problems why bother.” Yoongi’s head snapped up to look at me and there was a fire in his eyes.

“I love you (Y/N). I’ve barely been able to sleep since we’ve broken up. I’ve hardly been eating. All I do is think about you. I’ve written so many songs about you since I can never get you off my mind. You have no idea how much I fucking miss you all the time. Every day I hate myself more and more for fucking up and walking out on you. Every day I regret it and I’ve been thinking constantly about how to win you back. I know I hurt you and ruined us, but trust me when I say I won’t make the same mistake again. ” Every word he spoke pulled at my heart while my mind screamed to just leave.

“I miss you too Yoongi. I miss you so much I would cry myself to sleep at night. We may have our good times when we were together, but there’s been more bad than good. Being with you is just so hard. If you’re not making music all the time then you’re gone halfway across the world or busy. I dealt with it cause I love you, yes I still love you, but I don’t know if I can do it again. Not if all we’re going to do is argue over stupid things. Not if you can’t talk to me.” Yoongi shook his head, his hands grabbing ahold of mine.

“This time will be different I promise. I won’t just walk away and shut you out anymore. There’s nothing I can do about being busy, that just comes with being an idol, but I promise to try my hardest to make time for you. Please give me another chance. I don’t want to lose you again.” I could tell Yoongi meant every word he said, but the hurt I still felt made me hesitate to try again. Then there’s the fact that I do have some feelings for Hoseok. The feelings may be small, but they’re there.

“How do I know that though? How do I know that you won’t push me away anymore? Communication is a big part of being in a relationship Yoongi. You have to talk to me when you’re stressed. When you’re upset about something you have to talk to me and not pick stupid fights over small things. I don’t want to do this with you again only for us to end up back like this.”

“I understand (Y/N). Of course we’re going to fight. Every couple fights that’s normal, but we’ll have more good times than bad times. I’m sure of it. You mean the world to me and when I left it felt like my world crumbled. Please just give me one more chance. I won’t fuck up this time.” That was the final thing I needed to hear from him to make all the doubt I had go away. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my heart. It would take some time for us to be the same in our relationship, but I was willing to give it another shot. My love for him was strong enough to try again.

“You know I really love you Yoongi. It’s going to take some time for us to get back to the way we use to be, but since you’re so willing to try so will I.” I could feel a smile make its way across my face as Yoongi pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly to him. Happiness began swirling up inside of me the longer we hugged. I had really missed him. I missed hugging him and just being with him. Even with what happened with Hoseok earlier I knew being with Yoongi was what I wanted more.

“But what about Hoseok? You two kissed. Do you like him as more than a friend? I know he has some feelings for you whether he’ll admit it or not.”

“I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t have a small crush on him, but it mostly came from how nice he was being to me while I felt hurt. He was there for me Yoongi. The kiss was nice, but it honestly doesn’t mean much to me I promise. It really just happened and it went too far even though I did like it. I’ll have to talk to Hoseok though. I need to make sure we’re going to still be friends after that.” Yoongi pulled away from me with a frown on his face.

“Did you like his kiss better than mine?”

“You want the truth?” Yoongi nodded his head, his body tensing up, as if he was waiting for the blow to his ego.

“Hoseok is a great kisser to be honest but there was no spark between us when we kissed. Though when I kiss you Yoongi I always feel like my heart’s going to burst with emotion. So I’d say your kiss is better.” I almost wanted to laugh at the satisfied look on his face. Even though I’d just lied about not really feeling anything in the kiss I knew it was for the best.

“I love you Yoongi. Don’t hurt me again.”

“I promise I won’t hurt you. I love you (Y/N).” Yoongi pulled me into another hug and I felt beyond happy. Yoongi’s hand softly stroked my face, his thumb rubbing against my lip.

“Are you going to kiss me already?” I asked. He smirked and shrugged as if to tease me.

“I don’t know. I think you’ve done enough kissing for one day. Don’t you think so?”

“Oh shut up Yoongi.” I said with a smile on my face as I pulled him towards me for a kiss. Just like I expected I felt nothing but sparks while butterflies filled my stomach. This was the right choice I could feel it in my gut. I just hoped things would be okay between Hoseok and I.

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