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#“hey check out this meme bro it's so funny”
cheesecake801 · 24 days
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Here are my pieces from last magma event !! I drew Barry in the 2nd one, Dawn was drawn by @0mbry ! I love them haha !
Check out what the other drew, this session is really hilarious and full of memes !
Have the meme references below cut
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Ngl I'm happy with what I drew, drawings memes has to be one of the things thay makes me go "This is it. This is what I'm an artist for"
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some-pers0n · 18 days
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Hi I made a crackfic for Arctic's death because I had a terrible, horrible idea inspired by that old fandom meme. I don't regret anything <3
"Aaannnddd...perfect!" Darkstalker stepped back. "All set and ready to go. Haha! Look at him! Clearsight, look, c'mon. Come see."
"Darkstalker, I don't think this is a good idea–"
"Shut up woman and come look," he bluntly said. "Come on, it's not like the camera's gonna bite you or anything. Neither is Arctic, but, eh, maybe that'll add to the drama. The kids love it when people get hurt, it's why they watch it."
He grabbed the camera again and pointed it at Clearsight. "It's rolling. Come on, babe, don't you wanna do it? For the bit? Ohhh it'll be such a funny thumbnail. Everyone's gonna click on it. Just stick your head near him."
"I'm not going to bite an innocent dragon..." Arctic muttered.
"HA! Oh but it's okay for you to do that to me. Not cool dad. Mid dad behaviour, tee-bee-haitch. To be honest. Tee-bee-haitch– you get it."
"Back in my day we just called somebody a 'loser' if they were a bad parent. Like, me? I'm a dead-beat dad."
"Yeah, that's true." Clearsight nodded.
"But I'm not...mid? What does that even mean?"
"Mannn you so did not cook. 'Dead-beat'? Yeah, you're gonna be dead as hell once I'm done with ya. Like for real done. Dead. Deceased. Ain't coming back from that."
"God just kill me now," Arctic grumbled.
"In a minute! Me. I'm God. It's me. Get used to it :)"
"What was that sound you just made with your mouth--" Clearsight began but Darkstalker cut her off. He couldn't bother to hear such a whiny, woman voice. He needed to pay more attention to the crowd that gathered.
"Hey, hey! Guys! Check this out! I'm a livestreamer. I do all of these cool things on Twitch and YouTube. Follow me! My handle's Darksalter. Like Darkstalker, but salty, cause of all of the noobs I own on my daily League of Legends streams."
The surrounding NightWings just blinked at him.
"Ughhhh. How about you guys being recorded, huh? You get famous! Right here, right now, this is a big deal. No cap, this is serious. This is gonna be a livestream to end all livestreams. There's gonna be like at least ten dragons watching!!"
"OH MY GOD!?" One dragon shouted. "TEN??? I've never seen anybody have that many, hold on! We gotta watch this guy!"
Immediately, the entire population of the Night Kingdom arrived. Even the queen (a closeted Darksalter fan, who was wearing all of his merch) was waiting for him. They all cheered and clamoured for him.
"Settle, settle! I know you're all such adoring fans. Believe me, I would love me too. Already do! Such a great, handsome, all powerful animus." He flexed his muscles. "Plus, the ladies love me." He glanced back at Clearsight, who had the most aggressively unenthusiastic frown he ever seen.
"But, but, we gotta wait a minute. First, I gotta mew."
"What does that even mean?" Clearsight asked.
Darkstalker did not answer. He brought a talon up to his snout and then traced the outline of his perfectly gorgeous jawline. I mean just look at that thing. Downright beautiful. Like, come on now. Look him up right now. Yeah, yeah! The thang of all time! That sweet, succulent jaw. Bro's been mewing since the day he was hatched.
[A/N: it is a pretty cool jawline]
He cleared his throat. "Anyways, enough talk. You had your shot for the thumbnail, so now it's all about me." He looked at the camera and enchanted it to float. It hovered above, pointing at him. "Three, two, one..." He clapped. "And we're live!"
The crowd cheered and roared as he did so. No omegaluls. No minus ones. He was an unboxing andy just about ready to tear open into his best work yet.
"Hey what's going on Stalker Gang! How are the stalkers in chat going? Can we get the hype train going?" He gestured to the crowd, which yelled and screamed louder. "Yeah!! Let's go Stalker Gang!!"
"Darkstalker...this isn't you." Clearsight sobbed. "You don't do this. You aren't like this!"
"Baby, I'm an influencer. It's my duty as Twitch's No. 27 streamer of all time!"
Clearsight cried more but Darkstalker did not care. He turned back to the camera. "Ayyy guys!" He clasped his talons. "So, today is a very, very special day, because we have a guest! That's right, my terrible, very uncool, incredibly mid father! Look at him. Blue pilled in every sense of the word. Even his blood's blue, which y'all are gonna see real quick." He pushed the camera directly in his face.
"Hey, hey, everyone!" He gestured to Arctic. "Can I get a 'boo' from you all?"
With his command, the crowd began to jeer at Arctic. A wave of rotting tomatoes came hurling his way, splattering against his face.
"And, with that being said, this stream is sponsored by Glep. Get a Glep. Now. Or else. You don't wanna be there when Glep is upset. That's how the last moon was destroyed." He stared silently into the camera for a minute, as customary with the Glep sponsors.
"NOW!! Let's get this going!" He pointed at Arctic. "You. Unbox yourself."
"Wh–" Arctic didn't have a chance to finish before he clawed at his torso and gutted himself. The crowd kept cheering and applauding and tossing money at Darkstalker.
"Woah woah, pretty messy, huh guys?" He raised an eyebrow. "Totally unpoggers. L behaviour. Boo!!" But when he turned back, he noticed that everyone stopped cheering.
"Bro, dude," one dragon began, "poggers is so, like, old man. That's so cringe, skull emoji."
Then, they began to dissipate. Quickly as they arrived, they left. He was cringe now. So cringe.
"No, NO! Wait! Come back! I'm still relevant! I'm still hip with the kids! I– I..." But it was too late. He was cancelled for being cringe. Everyone was bored by him. He was out-of-touch. He was out of time. He was out of his head when they're not around.
Behind him, he heard his sister, Whiteout, crying. He turned back to see that her favourite stim toy, a rainbow coloured pop-it shaped like a crewmate from Amomg Us, was lying on the floor. Things must be serious.
"Sis, are you upset at me?..." he muttered.
"Yes! You just unboxed our dad! My trauma points are like so high right now. I can't even..." She wiped her tears and kept crying.
Darkstalker looked back at Arctic, who was dead. Very dead. He growled. "When I'm the alpha king of the world, everyone will be my fan. Everyone will follow me! Everyone will like and subscribe! You'll see, you'll all see!"
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sea-of-dust · 1 year
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Happy! Lucky! Smile!
Hhw relationship headcannons
Authors note: yo I had a request and I wanted to answer it but it deleted on me...then the account deactivated....BRO IF UR READING THIS IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. But hey I got it out for ya homie 💪
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Kokoro
She adores you! She pinches your checks daily always going on and on about how cute your are <3.
She doesn't like being away from you not even when she has to sleep. She will give you privacy but like as soon as your in school "Y/N!!"
She's energetic normally but when she sees you the energy multiples ten fold.
She almost jumped off a class room from the window to see you.
Your dates consist of going to carnivals, those food truck stands in random alleys, and first row seats to hello happy world shows! You even get to be the witness to hhws next big project. Totally doesn't involve Kaoru going somewhere high
She doesn't tell you outright but she has the suits on you just incase
Private time with her you always end up playing a game together where you end up being super tired so you sleep over at hers, only on breaks tho that's when you two don't have school the next day then you just leave early. Doesn't stop her from sleeping over at yours tho. She packed like she's staying for weeks.
Her dream dates a date where you two hangout quite literally when tomorrow begins she's already outside banging your window "Y/N!!! Y/N LETS GO ON AN ADVENTURE~!" "Kokoro?!? It's like 11:20?!" "Come on come on let's go!!" You stood there shocked but got ready anyway by 11:50 you two were out of there "Why are we waiting outside- ily but don't tell me you woke me out for a stupid reason..." "were waiting for it to reach 12:00" "...your kidding me" she wasn't. The rest of the day consisted of hot air balloon rides, arcades, roller coasters, and ending it off with a sleepover.
She let's you see behind the scenes that the public usually doesn't
She doesn't get jealous like at all. Your with someone else for a long time doesn't mind
You made a joke using a ring pop asking to marry her you had to convince her not to go through with the wedding like she already rented out a whole city just incase.
She sometimes sneaks up to your classroom windows during her lunch break she broke into your gym class once too...
She found out you liked video games and once she totally didn't rummage through your things to find your favorite one you'd find a present by the door of the games merch, Misaki managed to stop her from setting it up
The band also finds you fun and a better event organizer than Kokoro. She may have cool ideas but sweet Jesus were they dangerous. You made sure those ideas wouldn't flop and tested them to see.
She dreamt about settling down and maybe adopting a few pets...a whole zoo
She likes resting in between your thighs. The best pillows in her opinion besides your chest. The closer she is to your face the better
She loves it when you flirt with her publicly. Like when you wink at her, blow kisses, holding her by the waist. She takes it as a sign. A sign to announce her love to you later! She knew you didn't like public displays of affection THAT much. As soon as your alone with her...."Y/N ILY SM MWUUUU" "ilyt Kokoro but your gonna ruin your makeup.."
She loves spoiling you, you have to convince her not to overspend the times you fail...its like a mr beast episode dear christ
She sends you WAYYYY TO MANY MEMES like as soon as she finds something funny she sends it to you, scrolls sends the video to you. she sends you her whole fyp 😭
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Hagumi
She loves every aspect of you! Even when it's a bad day for you she still thinks your cute!
You and her started dating when she kissed you after a game during finals
She hugged you so tightly in the locker room confessing she loves you. You said you liked her back and bam
She likes hugging you from behind. A surprise attack!
Whenever your sick she sleeps next to you. On the floor. She didn't want to get sick too but she's o so clingy
She likes kissing you on the forehead, lips and checks, all the things she likes about you are on your face!
Her love language is physical touch and words of admiration. She loves every bit of physical contact you give her. Even if you touch her hair or brush your hand against her. she's more energetic and happy
She found you at a grocery store and offered to pay for it for you despite carrying her own. You told her you'll pay for it yourself, she was a little sad tho, you ended up letting her pay for snacks
She kinda expects you to lean on her more often with things. Need help with homework? I'll finish it for you! You need to cook? I'll cook a Thanksgiving dinner! She does this so much you had to basically put her on time out
She loves seeing you at her games, even if your the opposing team! In fact she makes it a challenge! If she wins she gets whatever she wants the day after the game no matter if it's a school day! You get the same
What does she usually want? A date! Maybe doing something active or if you aren't in the mood or just not active she's down to play a game or bake with you
She pretty much senses every time your gonna go shopping. She's going to join you. Not ask....join
She randomly tells you bass facts "DID YOU KNOW BASSES HAVE LESS STRINGS THAN GUTAIRS?!?" "Hagumi go to sleep..." "did you know bass strings are longer~" "Hagumi..."
Only a forehead kiss will shut her up
She has too much empathy...she falls for the homeless scams...to much you have to pull at her so she doesn't give money to em.
The band likes you. You were calm and critiqued Kokoro when needed. They even let you keep things from the show like hats or just get you your own outfit or just for a surprise something signed by your favorite celeb
Speaking of celebs you were going nuts over one at a concert. She felt jealous when you spoke about them afterward. Its not that she thought you would leave her if the celeb asked you too...but what if you did, what if you found the celeb more attractive?! WHAT IF YOU MOVE AWAY WITH THEM. You would know she was jealous if she starts pointing and tugging at your sleeve. You had to reassure her by pointing out traits her and the celeb shared.
She doesn't let you out of her sight whenever your alone with friends just because of this. When you tell her you wouldn't leave her she's like "🤨.....really?!?! 😳"
She enjoys piggy back rides after games, sleeping on your back is her favorite thing while walking home. Sure it's near impossible because you carry a bookbag and her weight and the bookbags isn't gonna be a good time. But when it does happen she enjoys it to the fullest
Plushies! She buys one for you..alot....you have a wall because of her no worries! If they ever fall you think you might drown...turns out she almost did. She knocked one off trying to reach for you. A wave of plushies almost drowned her
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Kaoru
You were dragged to a school play because your sibling was in a show and she saw you in the crowd looking bored. She made it her mission to make you look in awe or at least smile! She ends up looking for you during the after show
She failed to talk to you but at least she has your name
She beings asking your sibling what you like and learned your in the same class of her and began her mission!
She began casual conversion with you and learned about your liking of Shakespeare, who she quoted from time to time. You being dropping your guard around her eventually making you laugh. Seeing this for the first time she blushed looking away and covering her face. How were you this...cute..
Ok...how she wants to marry you. She should marry you! She completed her plan to make you smile now it's time for marriage!
She began by giving you a flower after school almost ignoring her fans to see you. She also "conveniently" shows up to shops you go to. You began returning the favor by giving her candies.
She took this as a sign you liked her. Que her starting to treat you like a fan! You weren't really liking it so you spoke to her. That was one of the times you got to experience Kaoru Seta not just the girl that lives to make everyone her "kitten". Kaoru apologized and you said it's fine and then you two hung out more and more since.
She confessed to you at your place where she held a ring pop up to you "my dearest ki- friend you've bloomed in my heart like a rose showing off its petals after bathing in the sun will you be my s/o" a little corny...you said yes
Ever since you became her s/o you started getting her out of situations with fans a little more just to spend time alone or go to a shop together
Her fans started speculating you two were in a relationship, you two promised to keep it secret, you just denied saying Kaoru was only a close friend
She gets treated to miso soup on the down low. Usually when her fans aren't swarming her. Usually when she's like this there's alot of hugs and she becomes just a little more shy
You and Chisato like talking about her and usually tease her together. She always ends up hiding her face. Always something to giggle about
She likes kissing your hand when greeting you
You began to learn that Kaoru doesn't know what she's saying half the time. That's where you step on to correct her from the crowd acting along with her. Her fans tried the same only for other fans to correct them
You copied some of her gestures. She started acting with you till you kiss her hand. Her speech becomes all stuttered she almost dodged a kiss in the check-
She let you meet the band. Everyone liked you but Misaki kinda thought you were just as idiotic as the three idiots. You weren't! Thank goodness. They treat you like family after stalking you for a while making sure you were good enough for there guitarist
She begged you to join a play as a love interest. When you did she wouldn't stop hakani spamming/saying fleeting while circling you. "AH MY DEAR YOU'RE SO FLEETING~" "Kaoru what are you doing- someone help-" "Hakani~"
Speaking of fleeting you had to be held back the band from telling her what fleeting means. It just wouldn't be the same...
The band kidnapped invited you to the second Hello happy phantom thief event. You were so confused who was holding you and lifting you. You tried to escape their grasp only for them to hold you tighter. You screamed as you disappeared with the figure. It was only when you were alone with the figure you noticed their purple hair. "Kaoru?...OH YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME-" "my performances are normally this fleeting <3"
You found out about her fear of heights when Kokoro left you two on the balloon with guards ofc. You held her hand and even asked to go with her. They only let you go before her for safety reasons. So when she did eventually sky dive afterward she flopped into your arms. "Did I fall like a swan my dear?" You sighed and giggled telling her "you fell like a brick a very teary fleeting brick"
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Kanon
Ah yes her own personal navigation device
You tell her there's a turn and you turn and she turns another way. She doesn't notice you aren't by her side till she looks over and just sees you've vanished. You've walked with your arms locked since then
She likes knitting with you in fact that's how you told her you liked her. To made her a penguin...(attempted if ya don't knit) she panicked and ran out of the room. When class was dismissed she ran up to you and asked if the offer was still on the table
She get so shy at any show of affection. The only way you can show affection without her getting all shy is gifting her something without you in the same room as her
Speaking of gifts if you ever give her one expect her to try and return it. You tell her she doesn't owe you anything but she does it anyway
You like spooking her sometimes from behind. "Boo" and her hair sticks up and she turns around so slowly only to learn that it's you
Chisato met you and did a whole vibe check to see if you were good enough for Kanon. You passed...barely but your good enough for her so your ok.
She also likes watching movies and eating sweets with you. In a warm blanket too? She'll never wanna leave
You got to meet the band and watched them practice. They love you sm, even tho Kanon talks about you every chance she gets
She even day dreams about you while practicing causing some careless mistakes
Her ideal dates a picnic with all homemade food in a field filled of flowers
Your dates usually consist of Café hopping, and amusement parks in summer, you've noticed hello happy world watching you two
Please tell her you love her she's very insecure about it. She always thinks your way out of her league
You took her to an aquarium and you two would leave with her gushing about jellyfish
You like whispering things in her ear whenever your alone with her. The instant blushing is enough to make your heart melt
She likes doing things with you, especially cooking. Even if it turns out kinda...strange...it's still edible!
She knows when you try to sneak up on her for kisses. When your trying to scare her? Nah she doesn't sense you, but for affection. "Y/n what are you doing?"
The one time you did get her she was covering her face and rolling on the floor
You buying her new scrunchies for whatever event calls. It's like yk what hhws planning next. It's another phantom thief "I got one with little masks on it <3" they're about to sponsor plushies? "It has little bears <3"
You convinced her to sleep over. It's nice cuddling with her you do hear occasional fue~s tho and she shivers like alot. She's so nervous about you two being so close. So she doesn't face you for the other half of the night. When you wake up the next morning she just won't look at you for the rest of the day.
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Misaki
You were her desk mate and only talked during turn and talk
You started conversation with her about a band called Hello Happy World
" the bears so cute~" "Yeah I guess"
She was feeling good so she decided to get you a ticket. "wait really? It's sweet but I already have one let's go together!" She didn't really mind going with you the problem was that she IS the bear. So she told the band about it. What did they do? Ask Chu2 to be Michelle! Chu2 exploded laughing "YOU EXPECT ME TO GET IN A BEAR COSTUME AND PERFORM NURSERY RHYMES HAHSHAAHAHAHA" turns out Chu2 had nothing planned for that day so you got to fangirl over hhw with Misaki
You two became even closer afterward and began going to each others houses to do school work. You had to leave to the bathroom and when you got back you saw a little "go out with me?" On top of your homework. You heard the door open seeing Misaki with some snacks you pretended as if you didn't notice as soon as she put them down. "Ilyt Misaki" she jumped back in surprise "I...I meant going out for a date" "your mumbling~" "ah am I?!" She looks away "this is so embarrassing..." "you like me don't you <3" "shut up" "hehe~" your relationship was kinda weird after than you weren't sure if you were dating or not until you asked her a week after. She looked away again bushing "I mean...if you want to"
And so you started dating Misaki. She set up a few rules when you started dating too
She prefers affection in private, she doesn't want people she barely knows making jokes about it.
Whenever you are alone she sometimes lays on your lap to scroll her phone. She also rants about her day and Kokoros antics
Speaking of Kokoro you found out Misaki was Michelle through her arguing that she was a bear with the others. You joked about your girlfriend was a bear.
Speaking of Michelle she managed to grab ya once. You jokingly started screaming and asking for help when someone actually appeared to see you getting aggressively hugged by a bear...that person was one of Kokoros guards who closed the door and let Kokoro know immediately
"MICHELLE I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS" she bursts in, only to see you and Michelle hugging. "Oh..." she closes the door once again
Later Kokoro asked if she can get free hugs too. You just gave her some yourself. That's how the band began treating you like an older sibling
She likes going under blankets with you. Because you either end up kissing, your sleeping on her chest or vise versa. It's warm under there too another good thing about blankets
You found out she knits and decided to learn to surprise her. You knitted her a small plushie and left it in her room. Then when she came over you saw a little plush on your bed. You giggled and asked her about it, she looked away avoiding the question
She whispers in your ear things she wants to do when others are with you. "Lets go get some snacks" "we should get going". This is usually with the other band members but sometimes they hear her and act heartbroken "YOUR REALLY GONNA LEAVE US MISAKI" Ok maybe they aren't acting.... you had to reassure them you'll be back tomorrow
On weekends you usually call her if she wants to go out the next day. Your dates are usually only things you can afford. A Café date here and there, a walk through the park is mostly what your dates are.
Your parents found out you were dating someone and celebrated. "YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!?!? HONEY" "DAD NOOO" they invited her over started an interrogation then asked her to leave. As soon as she left your parents look at you and sighed then started tearing up. "She's perfect" "there there honey *sniffle*" "you two probably gave her a heart attack for nothing" they got up opened the Door Misaki was in and welcomed her to your family.
She likes twiddling with your hair/fingers when you two are just hanging around
She almost made a Playlist of all your favorite songs and keeps it secret like you have to get REALLLLYY close to hear small bits of your favs play and that's pretty rare considering how flustered she gets when your so close
She sometimes kisses your forehead when your asleep. She likes the expression you have when asleep. If your still awake she looks away ashamed you caught her
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moonlessnight125 · 2 years
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The incorrect quotes of metal gear rising revengeance part 2 sentence starters
"This blood loss has made me delirious, tell me a story."
"Holy shit."
"[Name] I'm playing another gacha game. Please destroy all records of my credit card debt before the police come."
"I guess you could say a good _____ never dies [name]."
"Well well well if it ain't the feds."
"Unhand these brains."
"Kids are cruel [name]. They lose touch with it at the ripe old age of twelve."
"Warcrime this, can't eat the drywall that, microwaving mice is wrong they said."
"What the fuck."
"Kids love video games, that's why I have them spinning the wheel on all my favorite gacha games."
"You refrigerated a preschool for fucking jpegs?!"
"Like every casino is one big conspiracy? Bullshit!"
"Demand for my products are about to skyrocket, like the good old days after the 9/11!"
"Wait a minute 9/11 is bad."
"Speak for yourself, lets debate this on the roof."
"Looks like you're a gacha player at heart."
"Is that because of my brain damage?"
"Now activating woman deflectors."
"Like I said [name] kids are cruel."
"I'm fucking invincible!"
"[Name] how did you get an aircraft?"
"By the way [name], do you remember that bank you sent to the past tense?"
"I'm gonna not see you in a second."
"Not today I guess."
"Oh shit free bike."
"There are rumors that the nords are attempting to capture the whole of solstheim."
"Anyone looking for work should consider the fighter's guild."
"[Name] you ran over the child 9 miles back what are you going to do?"
"Good day."
"Oh so now you decide to stop."
"I'm running late."
"Oh don't worry [name] the clown college is closer than you think."
"Yeah it's right in front of me."
"You're ass will always be cringe and my ass will always be thicc."
"Oh good, you're getting more based by the day."
"Hey [name] look at this cool bug I found!"
"Guess I don't have a choice. I challenge you to a debate."
"What the fuck? No."
"Dies of cringe."
"Zamn dog give me some of that."
"I have kept them alive by the miracle of child sacrifices."
"Well that sure made everything easier to understand."
"Oh my god it's my dad."
"Oh fuck, I've returned! With a puppy."
"Last time you got those you disappeared for 10 years."
"No! I wanted to feed you that chocolate."
"Well if it isn't saucy [name]."
"Bro are you high?"
"Let me check. Yes."
"High on American spirit, and there's nothing more American than shooting a man in this walmart of a world."
"What is ______?"
"It's heaven [name]"
"Check the internet lately?"
"[Name] hop onto _____ you need to see this."
"Fuck I hate this website."
"It's all fucking weeb shit [name] it doesn't make any sense."
"These baboons don't even know were at war with _____"
"This one is calling me a redditor"
"Memes, gacha, e-girls, all petty distractions so real men can get down to business."
"Amogus."
"That's a nice argument [name], why don't you back it up with a source?!"
"My source is that I made it thr fuck up!"
"I've got my own to debate online."
"Check it out [name] - I just got vaccinated."
"Oh god he's hot."
"Time to hit the gym."
"It's funny because thousands of people die."
"Don't fuck with this senator!"
"Snap into a slim jim."
"Read a fucking book."
"I was wrong about you, you're not cringe. Your just fucking _____
"We're making the mother of all omletes here, can't fret over every egg!"
"You need to work on your fitness."
"My blood is red white and blue [name]. I wonder what color yours is."
"You can't give up yet! Think about every mentally deranged moron you've fought up until this point!"
"You are the best chia pet."
"Even in death he's on crack."
"I always said that my sword wasn't a weapon but a tool. But this isn't my sword. It's a fucking mistake."
"You know I'm starting to have a change of heart."
"Yeah I can tell."
"If I hear another god damn pun-"
"Oh shit, my black berry."
"Well, the police might be after him for that vehicle manslaughter."
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delicrieux · 3 years
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—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER
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extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 
pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao
author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao
ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist
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You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.
A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?
Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.
A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”
mother i crave violence
sensing evil energy rn!!
i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖
^with peace and love shut the fuck up
“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”
You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”
Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.
“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 
rip headphone users
i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears
yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭
To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.
Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 
queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?
Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie
akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.
Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.
There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.
The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.
nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!
^pack it up girl defined
“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”
You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 
“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 
i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 
shes trying give her time
ya dig??? y not capeesh
what scene from the godfather is this lol?
“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.
Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎
You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”
The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.
Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:
I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.
You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.
“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”
NOW she considers it
well....
if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3
Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”
Onto the bio:
You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 
“What the fuck did I just read?”
The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.
The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 
But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.
No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.
“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.
WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????
tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be
^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell
look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling
It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.
What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.
Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.
YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 
...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.
You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.
“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.
“What?” She grits.
“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”
“What did you do now?”
“I made fun of men on Tinder.”
She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”
“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”
“Y/n.”
“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”
She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.
Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.
You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(
my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?
Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 
Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!
You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?
my husband Not jealous.
Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”
He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!
my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.
You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao
my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?
You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs
my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)
Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.
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hope you liked it!! xx
952 notes · View notes
batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years
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guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.
For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell
fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one
i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft
that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you
tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again
as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)
hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s
holy shit yes.
SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe
superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'
does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom
it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.
I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?
as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)
somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.
and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!
babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence
babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to
JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT
again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song
The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian
oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag
soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"
i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage
Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?
don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)
What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk
stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.
This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it
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This is canon now @nctxrejects
lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out
idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family
bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another
I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.
yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.
Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings
smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn
Duke was adopted by Bruce?
not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?
True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live
true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?
apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome
ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.
ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut
lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash
oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man
while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.
dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie
magnum hot take
hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth
thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)
why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???
what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones
oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no
I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked
yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends
"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years
i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.
BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them
lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.
I am in love with your posts your honour thank you
omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?
The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john
Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian
yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.
tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.
and what about it?
when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST
oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat
Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes
lmao i do too
I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it
he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.
you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank
babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)
ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something
that's a very good vocabulary upgrade
somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”
steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.
Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious
babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks
In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97
lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)
You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.
bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers
How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?
horrible, next question.
I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid
yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'
I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.
superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time
bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)
lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)
Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje
he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'
I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??
i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way
SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed
'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'
i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam
fair enough
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jeontaehui · 3 years
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TAEHEE WITH OTHER IDOLS
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twice’s chaeyoung
her bestie !!!!! chaeyoung’s like her mark but like outside the group.
they support each other whenever the other wins an award, always giving wide smiles that are too hard to hide.
their hangouts are referred to as ‘dates’ by the fans, considering how romantic their dinners are and how chaeyoung captions her instagram posts after going on said ‘date’.
chaeyoung is very clingy when she sees her. she clings onto taehee like a koala :(
in award shows, taehee would tend to walk slower than the rest of the neos just to talk to chaeyoung.
chaeyoung was once caught playfully flirting with taehee during an award show, causing the latter to laugh as the camera pans to another group.
iconic moment (seoul music awards 2019) taehee took mirror selfies as she waited for chaeyoung to finish up in the bathroom. when chaeyoung found out, she later posted these on instagram with the caption, “the one who i love 😍❤️”.
stray kid’s han
her other bestie since predebut !!!!!!!!
both are so powerful in the rap industry already, stayzens are just waiting for a collab.
they met in a convenience store. jisung wanted her to go to jyp with him, only to find out she’s been training in sm already (cue pouting from the both of them).
both are in Love with each other’s music, with jisung having some of nct’s songs in his playlist and taehee knowing the lyrics and the choreo to skz’s songs.
their reactions to each other’s performances are adorable !!!!!! and even funny at times. attending the same award shows means very cute interactions fans’ lenses would capture <3
(seoul music awards 2019) before the two groups walked by each other, taehee slowed down her pace and let herself stay behind the group to greet the main rapper of stray kids. once jisung was within arm’s reach from her, she raised her hand for a high-five, to which jisung pulled her into a bro-hug instead. he whispered something to her first and ruffled her hair, making the older girl hit his shoulder softly, laughing as he left.
jisung introduced taehee to chan and felix and she now has two new aussie buddies that remind her of home too !!!!!
iconic moment (isac 2019) stayzens went batshit crazy when skz had to pass by nct during the sports competition. seeing this as a chance to be playful with his best friend, jisung jumped over the first row of seats and proceeded to whisper something to taehee (who was seated very near to where the other members of skz were by the way), before jumping over to the third row. jisung must have said something really funny to taehee since it made the female idol to turn away laughing as she covered her mouth. later on, we see the two talk, inviting a very excited chan and a shy mark lee to the conversation. 
red velvet’s yeri, april’s naeun, and weki meki’s doyeon
yeri and taehee were already close since trainee days (she’s close with the rest of red velvet too). taehee knew yeri was friends with naeun and she was Dying to meet her so yeri introduced them to each other, and since doyeon is friends with naeun, the latter later introduced all three of them to each other.
yeri and taehee always sat beside each other whenever nct is asked to share a table with red velvet. yeri would laugh a lot since taehee’s always so energetic when she dances to the other groups’ songs. she always hung out with red velvet during isac but would end up having yeri to herself anyways ,,, they teased each other a lot too.
taehee Loves naeun, literally. she’s always flirting with her and telling her how pretty and cute she is. naeun was flustered at first but now she’s used to it lol. taehee would literally just stare at naeun with a loving smile during pre-performance interviews in inkigayo ,, naeun does the same whenever it’s time for taehee to say her lines ^ ^ and whenever they would accidentally make eye contact, they crack up and try to hide their giggles.
taehee was kinda intimidated of doyeon at first ,,, but she thought she was a chill type of person. turns out doyeon had a lot of cute charms in her and taehee always finds herself calling her cute when she does so. they are literally a power duo. whenever the two are mentioned together, fans would gush about how good they would look in a photoshoot together.
iconic moment (yeri bang ep. 11-1) “doyeon’s and taehee’s styles are similar. right?” yeri asks as she picks out beads for the bracelet she’s putting together for taehee. “taehee would want something that goes well with her outfit. she mostly wears monotone or beige colors,” naeun points out.
“ahh naeun, you know me so well,” taehee cooes, and clearly, her eyes were in the shape of hearts. seeing as the she got ignored, yeri drops her mouth open feigning offense. “why didn’t you give me a reaction like that?” she whines, “i knew you before naeun!!!”
“she’s just really interested in naeun,” doyeon hums casually, making the other girls laugh as taehee stood up from her seat. “HEY!!! that’s making me sound like a bad friend and i’m not.”
“are you really?” yeri continues to tease her, causing the said girl to whine and hug her in embarrassment.
blackpink
they’ve met and exchanged numbers in a music show early in their debuts.
she’s the closest with rosé and lisa since their age gap is quite smaller compared to jennie and jisoo.
there have been fancams of taehee watching blackpink perform and once jisoo was on the monitor, we’d see taehee mutter, “ahh she’s really pretty.”
taehee visits blackpink’s table once every award show, and jennie would be so attentive and welcoming of her — fixing her hair, being genuinely interested in what she’s saying, and laughing at her jokes. she was seen clinging onto taehee’s waist at some point, jennie adores taehee :(
taehee’s og aussie buddy is rosé !!!! they talk and eat together a lot, mostly about australia. taehee mentioned her in a radio show talking about the time they both cried in a public restaurant, “we were talking about home and then rosé unnie just started talking about her parents and suddenly i’m tearing up and then she’s tearing up and so we ended up crying while we ate pasta,” she laughed.
lisa thinks of taehee as her little brother. she’s just as energetic as her and taehee’s jokes are what lisa finds so funny. she would join in on a few of rosé and taehee’s hangouts and take lots and lots of pictures of them (and jokingly get mad if one of the girls don’t give her credit when they post on instagram).
iconic moment (200718 rosé instagram live) “you are so hot, rosé,” taehee reads from the comments, making it a sound a little sexy for the effect, the latter widening her eyes at the implication. “how ‘bout me? how ‘bout me?” lisa cuts in, “guys. how ‘bout me?”
“i’m the hottest okay? i’m the hottest,” she presses, rosé repeating what she said in breathy laughter. meanwhile, taehee was looking at lisa with the most sincere eyes she could muster just to tease her, “you are,” she emphasized, “the hottest.”
rosé laughs for the nth time that day as she clutches her stomach before questioning the youngest’s words, “ya, are you a two-timer?”
“no, i just have the prettiest girls beside me.”
ateez’s wooyoung and txt’s yeonjun
more of taehee’s ‘99 liner friends !!!!
taehee met wooyoung when she bumped into ateez in a convenience store near music bank. the leader of ateez greeted her first and a few of the members who were with him became acquainted with taehee, but wooyoung became the closest to her !!!!
(ateez boatta cover dance) “HEY JEON TAEHEE LOOK!!!!” wooyoung shouted before dancing ‘kick it’.
taehee covered ‘say my name’ and ‘answer’ in two of her dance vlives.
then wooyoung introduced yeonjun to taehee when the latter guested as an mc for inkigayo.
(191115 vlive) “oh i really like this song (run away by txt), i listen to this before going to bed sometimes. i’m actually friends with one of the members, yeonjun. ateez’s wooyoung introduced us while i mc’d as a special guest for inkigayo and we exchanged numbers. i really like their songs, especially the vibe.”
taehee is known to be very open with her friendships with other idols, so fans were quite okay with seeing her hang out with the two, her manager trailing a few feet behind them.
iconic moment (191115 vlive) taehee’s laugh trails off once she saw a notification pop-up on her phone. unlocking her phone, she snorts once she checked the message. she proceeds to show the meme to the camera while covering the top part of her phone, “ateez’s wooyoung sent this to our gc with txt’s yeonjun.”
“aha!! d’you guys know? when i send stuff to the gc, sometimes they leave me on read or reply ‘....’ just to tease me,” she rolls her eyes playfully, “but i’m glad we’re comfortable enough to tease each other.”
itzy’s yuna
taehee wanted to make friends to go out of her shell more, and she thought asking her manager to get yuna’s number was the first step.
taehee’s like Really fond of yuna ,,, and she’s glad they got along well real quick so she took her out to eat.
earlier in the year, when superm was touring, yuna sang a snippet of taehee’s solo song and tried to dance all the points of the choreo she could remember.
the fans have yet to see more interactions (or crumbs) from these two — noticing how their age gap is just a year longer than taehee’s and jisung’s, midzyzens would LOVE to see taehee baby yuna :(
iconic moment (200922 yuna instagram live) “nct’s taehee video called me awhile ago. we’re good friends,” yuna shyly giggles in front of the camera. “it’s been a long time since we last talked to each other so she called me, and then told me how much she loved our new album. she told me she really likes ‘not shy’, but she loves ‘be in love’ the most,” she explains further, adding how the nct member loved it because of her ‘killing me, killing me’ verse. 
“taehee unnie is very good to me,” she cutely smiles. “she’s very genuine with her words and she’s really supportive. i hope for us to eat again and become closer in the future.” 
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coredrill · 3 years
Text
thots on roman holiday, spoilers for the whole book below!!!
oh my GOD sjjdbdnemakfjen the line on page 17 “you have a unique grasp of socioeconomics” is SO ROMAN FBSBSBDBSJAIDLD. i love it
INVISIBILITY CLOAKS???????
v funny that when roman is considering where to go after leaving mistral, he shoots down vacuo first. obviously he’s gonna wind up in vale bc Plot, but it just feels like the writer going I AM NOT WRITING ANOTHER BOOK IN THE GODDAMN DESERT lmao
interesting note abt beacon tuition on page 92. i wonder if this is actually canon for a few reasons:
how tf would ren and nora afford TUITION????
i wonder if the other huntsman academies have tuition??? like atlas i could see doing it and haven too. maybe not shade but idk.
does this mean scholarships are a thing??? is ruby on scholarship???? what even constitutes a scholarship on remnant????
idk they probably didn’t think this deep abt this joke line but IM GONNA lmao
y’all some of these names…brick??? mortar???? bisque????? burgundy???? roch szalt???????? KANDI FLOSS??????? that last one is peak stripper name meme ansjdbfnnebehd. this is just like in btd when they had to name a team fondue 😭😭😭😭 i think they’re officially running out of colors 😂😂😂
THE EMBLEM OF NEO’S BOARDING SCHOOL IS A TRIPLE SPIRAL?????? the gurren lagann of it all……………
very funny that both neo and roman poison people with sleeping pills. hashtag just bestie things <3
pg146 “to listen to their body and what it was telling them about their feelings (gag)” ASPEC NEO RISE!!!!!!!!!!
ok i May be stupid but i thought everyone had a semblance???? bc semblance comes from aura, and everyone has aura??? maybe it’s just people without activated aura who wouldn’t have a semblance (so like if pyrrha had never unlocked his, jaune would’ve never discovered his semblance???? idk) but i’m also fairly certain roman has an activated aura????
very fond of roman meeting neo and understanding her very easily. platonic soulmatism i think.
ok wait actually i kinda wanna elaborate. LOVE that roman’s whole schtick is that he’s had to look out only for himself his whole life and he doesn’t wanna be a babysitter while neo is SICK of being babysat and so they work well together. ALSO LOVE that BECAUSE roman’s had to look out for himself his whole life, he’s good enough at reading body language and filling in the blanks to know what neo’s saying even without words.
also. hang on. OKAY. so neo gave roman his hat and roman gave neo her umbrella and neo made them BOTH outfits. BUT THEN ROMAN DIES and all neo has LEFT is the HAT SHE GAVE HIM and she goes to HIS OLD BOSS to help herself get revenge AND ONLY THEN DOES SHE CHANGE OUTIFTS????? BITCH??????? CHECK OUT HOW HARD I CAN APPARENTLY CRY OVER THEIR FRIENDSHIP
(okay note on the previous bullet after actually finishing: not the same hat :( and also how did neo convince lil miss malachite to help her when she nearly blew her up??? money ig lmao)
i’m literally obsessed with this being a ya book so roman and neo can’t steal alcohol or drugs, they gotta steal COFFEE 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 LIKE. ITS SO FUNNY TO ME
also in love with how (just like every other rwby friendship!!!!) there isn’t any pointless drama. they trust & love each other and that’s that!!!! like roman’s told that neo sold him out, and despite that being consistent with the rest of his life, he knows that’s not consistent with NEO and sees that she’s come to rescue him so there’s no petty drama around it!!! bc he TRUSTS HER!!!!!
pg268 “neo blinked back tears and hugged roman. ‘hey. don’t wrinkle the suit.’ but he put a hand on her head and over her shoulder, and that felt more like home than that house and her parents had in a long time.” HELLO????? HELL LOOOOO?????? bro i am CRYING i’m gonna SUE
tbh i was really worried they wouldn’t get to hug in this book BUT THEY DID!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY WTFFFFFF
pg269 “her father threw up his hands. ‘do you know what she wants to say?’ he asked roman. ‘i do, actually.’ roman looked at her fondly. ‘i’m surprised you don’t.’” IM LOSING MY MINDDDDDD THATS LOVE!!!!!!!
pg270 “roman cleared his throat. ‘her name is neo.’” ALSKDJJREJNENFHCISOMENRJDIS BITCH
pg300 “he stopped walking. ‘while you get away. she’s mainly interested in me. drop this disguise and i’ll distract her. you get out of here. and never look back.’ she shook her head defiantly. he tried to pull his hand free, but she only held on more tightly.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
PAGE THREE HUNDRED AND SEVEN SHE KISSES HIM ON THE CHEEK AJDJFJEJENDNJDN KSIDOEOSPSKEJEHEBE. F THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP WINS AGAIN
okay okay so now that i’m finished here are my Actual thoughts alskcjejenbrhdisk:
i wish! that more of the book! was focused on roman & neo together and their friendship!! like i get that the first half was important bc they needed to show Just How Alone they both were before each other. but i would’ve gladly traded some of the beginning stuff for just a little more time with the two of them together. like maybe condense some of that and give us a few more anecdotes from their time training together?? just to show the development from wary partners to ride-or-die a little more. but idk. because the first half of the book felt a little slow for me but as soon as i got to the back half i could NOT put it down!!!!!!!!
i owe this writer (& the rwby writers ofc) my heart and soul and also probably my spleen. first cfvy, now roman & neo???? taking characters i didn’t have any strong feelings about but giving them personality and history and love and making ME love them???? AND WRITING FRIENDS/FAMILY SO WELL???? bro. BRO. i’m losing my MIND
ALSO. very excited for neo’s role in v9 now. and will also probably cry.
like. it would’ve been so easy for them to make roman & neo romantic. especially since there’s only like a 4 year age gap. but they DIDNT they let those two BE EACH OTHERS FIRST PRIORITY AND CLOSEST FRIEND AS FRIENDS AND I AM SO ECSTATIC ABT IT HOLY SHIT
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imo-chan-imagines · 4 years
Text
『 Haikyuu!! Week 2020 | Day 7 』
· Oct. 1st → Fly! ·
Characters: (teams) Karasuno, Nekoma, Fukurodani, Aoba Johsai, Shiratorizawa, (indiv.) Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, Aone Takanobu
Prompts: A. free choice!
Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), Among Us (video game), PG, fluff, crack, video games, video game violence/death, headcanons, HaikyuuWeek2020
A/N: Among Us is a bit of a hot meme at the moment (great game. Go and play it/watch other people play it if you can. Get a feel for the game if you somehow haven't already.) So I thought, 'Hey, why not?' I mean, I do need to heal my heart after my Day 6 post, so...
What an amazing week it's been! Well done, everyone! All of my Haikyuu Week 2020 posts are SFW, but there's a little treasure trove of NSFW on my blog, too. Please peruse to your heart's content. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy! ♡
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Haikyuu boys / playing Among Us
☆ Karasuno ☆
Literally the loudest games you'll ever witness
You know that grainy, electronic crackle that happens when everybody yells on Discord at the same time? Yeah. That
Kageyama can't lie for shit. It's so obvious when he's lying that it's a genuine miracle if he doesn't immediately get ejected
And he stands in all the wrong places when he's faking doing his tasks 😭😭
But he sounds super suspicious when he's telling the truth, too 😅
Noya and Tanaka buddy up no matter what, and go around trying to clear or murder people together
They also end up fuelling each other's incorrect assumptions
Asahi is way too timid to murder anyone right away, so if nobody dies in the first two rounds, you know it's him or someone trying to frame him...
Daichi is the host and tries to keep order in the lobby...tries someone help him
Hinata: Guys, please stop swearing! Natsu is watching me play!! waahhh 🙈 so cute 😇
Hinata always has to be orange. Don't touch his orange
Ennoshita is the king of self-reporting and getting away with it it just be like that
Kageyama goes around called 'Milk' 🥛
Tsukki tries to big-brain the shit out of it 🤣
He's also hella manipulative as an imposter and refuses to kill Yamaguchi 😭
Suga likes to take out the oxygen/recator and lie in wait for the people who come to fix it he will giggle adorably when it ends up working, which sounds kinda pshyco, ngl 😂
But totally screams at his screen when someone he suspected sneaks up on him and kills him
Yamaguchi low-key prefers the mini games to the actual game 😭😭
And Yachi loves being pink and wearing the little flower in her hair ngl, she nearly fainted the first time she got killed
She doesn't play with them often because it's so loud 😬
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☆ Nekoma ☆
Kenma streams the gaming sessions on Twitch, and now they kind of have a cult following 🤷‍♀️
These fans be thirsting hard, too like us
Check out my smut headcanons, y'all 🙌
Kuroo is the closest to a genius player you're ever going to see
He does his tasks fairly efficiently, he's good at remembering layouts and people's movements, he calculates the timings of his kills with terrifying accuracy, defends himself pretty well, whether he's lying or not, can gaslight the entire lobby into sussing an innocent person, and pieces together other people's lies with surprising ease
Do not cross Kuroo. He's scary at this game. He's not the Scheming Captain for nothing, y'all
Lev is the kind of person to vent right in front of someone by accident, which is so awkward, but so funny 😂
The entire team must wear the bear ears hat. Yes, that is a rule
It's the closest to cat ears they have right now....
Kenma is pretty quiet when he's playing. He doesn't normally play online games, but his streams took off on Twitch, sooo~
Kenma also has radar ears and can somehow detect when people are lying, but waits until he has proof to accuse them he smart 🤓
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☆ Fukurodani ☆
'Whoever Talks the Loudest is Right' mentality 😂
And Bokuto will defend himself at the volume of an air raid siren
Akaashi stays as quiet as possible so he doesn't give anything away
When Bokuto starts sussing people, it turns into something out of Ace Attorney like, chill tf out, man 😂
But his guesses are normally completely wrong
Akaashi sets good parameters for the games, because he's sensible
If Bokuto is given the chance to host the lobby....he will set one task each, put everyone at 4x speed, give the imposter zero cooldown time, and sit back and watch the chaos
Whenever somebody doesn't have an absolutely airtight alibi–
Bokuto: That's hella sus, bro
Lots of childish nicknames, because...well, they're all mentally six years old
Except Akaashi, who has a higher mental age than all of them combined
Let me just say that when Bokuto and Kuroo play together, shit gets so funny
When one of them is an imposter, they will literally vent in front of the other one and trust them not to out them 😂😂
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☆ Aoba Johsai ☆
Iwa-chan can always tell when Oikawa is lying, and constantly calls him out on it
Iwa: That's his lying voice. Shitty-kawa is lying. He's the imposter. Vote him off
Oikawa: IWAAA-CHAAAN D:<
Because Iwa's right about Oikawa when he is the imposter, it makes it easy to frame him when it's actually Iwa who's the imposter
And no-one believes Tooru 😭😭
Kyoutani has no chill as an imposter
He just murders everyone on sight, right in front of people, too
Kindaichi tends to accuse people with very little evidence, but his instincts are weirdly accurate
Oikawa gets killed almost immediately every game, so if he isn't dead two emergency meetings in, he's 100% an imposter 😭😭
He then goes around as a salty ghost when he's killed off, mumbling to himself about injustice as he refuses to do his tasks and watches the people who voted him off get murdered one by one
Not that anyone's holding a grudge 🙄😂
Oikawa refuses to be purple and always kills whoever is purple first because it reminds him of Ushijima 😭😭
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☆ Shiratorizawa ☆
Ushijima refuses to play if he can't be purple give it back. N O W
And it takes him a long time to get used to the game and the rules
'Why are the lights off? What are these tasks? Why is that one flashing at me? Where is med bay? Why can I use this vent? What's this big, red button for?' etc.
You get the idea. Toshi = big noob
He doesn't really understand the concept of lying, either...
He keeps forgetting to mute himself and ends up saying some very incriminating stuff over the mic which has everyone in literal tears from laughter
Tendou is a sneaky S.O.B, using those vents like a pro and gaslighting perfectly innocent people he's a little bloodthirsty, too 🤫
And his initial guesses about who's the imposter are almost always 100% correct Guess Monster, y'all
Goshiki goes around trying to clear people by watching them doing their tasks, especially Ushijima
But then he gets called suspicious for hanging around people too much
The first time an emergency meeting was ever called, Ushijima literally asked "Why is my name in red?" much to everyone's amusement
Everyone's scared of Ushijima when he follows them, but it normally turns out that he just doesn't know where he's going
Shirabu tends to lose his shit when people start accusing him and he's innocent, and will never EVER trust a word that comes out of Goshiki's mouth
Speaking of, Goshiki and Shirabu – boy, do they bicker like eight year-olds, wasting entire voting rounds just arguing with each other 🙄😭
So everyone else decides to vote off one, and then the other at the next meeting 😭😭
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Misc.
☆ The Miya twins ☆
Atsumu puts 100% trust in Osamu not to kill him, even if he is the imposter
How could he? He's his brother. His twin. His other half. They share a unique bond–
And then he screams in betrayal when Osamu slaughters him mercilessly 😂😂
Osamu is unaffected by the sudden outburst from his brother's room
Put them together as an imposter duo, though, and you're in for some trouble
They often win by executing a perfect double kill
And they're both pretty good at lying, but Osamu will not hesitate to throw Atsumu under the bus and vote him off if he's being too suspicious or the lobby has turned against him 😂
Ah, the bond of brotherhood 😂
☆ Aone Takanobu ☆
Aone doesn't talk very much
But when he does, his voice is so low and even that nobody ever suspects he's the imposter
I'm thinking like Corpse Husband, if you've seen him playing with Pewds and the gang
It doesn't really occur to people that he could be lying. He seems so trustworthy and honest
Finds it very hard to blame anyone else, though
Is fairly decent as doing his tasks as a crewmate, but it takes him a long time to remember the layouts of the ships
Almost never gets voted off the ship
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© imo-chan-imagines 2020
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111 notes · View notes
caandlelit · 4 years
Note
bro as always, i love your headcannons, i was wonderin if you take prompts? BECAUSE I JUST. WOKE UP and was like: i want matsuhana to teach impromptu sex ed lessons to the volleyball team
hey good morning!!! i do take prompts yes and that sounds fucking epic and funny as hell wtf
matsukawa bumps into kunimi and kindaichi making out in the locker room and says loudly, ‘jesus fucking stoned christ’ and they split apart 
kindaichi is kind of panicked and flushing but kunimi just stares at matsun and says, ‘dont do this matsukawa-san.’
kunimi 7 steps ahead as per usual king shit fr
matsukawa repeats, ‘jesus STONER christ! and his fucking bong!’
hanamaki walking in and matsukawa covers his eyes immediately and goes, ‘no makki, they’re making out dont look’
‘i already saw they were three feet apart from each other assclown’
‘please makki your virgin eyes dont need this fucking gay bullshit’
kunimi clenches his fist and says slowly, ‘matsukawa you guys were literally having sex here last tuesday.’
hanamaki pulls matsukawas arm down and points out, ‘yeah hes got you there, babe. we were having sex here last tuesday.’
‘yeah and we were doing it so WELL!’
kunimi squints and says ‘what are you implying. literally what are you saying’
kindaichi says ‘guys can i put my shirt on’ and everyone says ‘no’
matsukawa comes closer and claps both of them on the back
kindaichi winces because that actually hurt so bad
‘see kids, i dont wanna be rude-’
‘yes you do’
‘-yeah i do, but it looked like . a war zone in here.’
hanamaki laughs out loud and matsukawa continues
‘it looked like. like horrible there was so much ?? fucking tongue? and so much spit? why do u need THAT MUCH-’
kunimi interrupts, now flushing with embarrassment ‘-OKAY THATS ENOUGH MATSUKAWA-SAN.’
matsukawa stares at him. ‘im lowkey traumatized, im not gonna lie to u kunimi. i expected better from u.’
kindaichi shakes off his hand and says determinedly ‘im going to put on a shirt now’
hanamaki is done laughing now and comes forward and grabs their shoulders and says ‘that can wait. sit down.’
he shoves them down on the benches and kunimi stares up at him and says ‘hanamaki-san dont fucking do this’
matsukawa crouches down to their eye level and says seriously, ‘im gonna need to give you guys the talk.’
kindaichi, a young himbo japanese male who knows jack shit about american meme culture ‘what is the talk’
kunimi gets up and says ‘okay bye’ and hanamaki grabs his shoulders and sits him down and says ‘no u will stay’ 
kunimi buries his face in his hands and whispers ‘why didnt i go to shiratorizawa’
hanamaki pulls out a marker out of seemingly nowhere and says ‘okay class welcome to sex ed’ and he scratches ‘SEX ED’ in big bold black letters on the locker in front of the bench
matsukawa snatches the marker and continues seamlessly, ‘we r going to explain to you with the help of a series of easy to understand metaphors and diagrams, what ‘sex’ is exactly, and how do it safely.’
hes doodling a giant hairy d!ck on the locker and hanamaki takes the marker before he can add a cockring and says ‘yes thankyou issei,’ and adds a condom on the drawing and says ‘the most important thing is SAFETY’
kunimi seems to have acquired a watch and is glancing at it every ten seconds
kindaichi is turning pinker and pinker every ten seconds
it is unclear whether kunimi is checking the time for every time kindaichi gets redder or to time how long this bullshit will last
matsukawa continues, wrestling hanamaki silently for the marker, ‘what you have to make sure of is to wear a condom. now u may be wondering, isnt that for straight sex? well, haha, let me explain. even with gay sex, you need a condom, to make sure you dont accidentally spread any diseases-’ he just wont shut up
when he shuts up hanamaki continues
matsukawa manages to grab the marker and triumphantly draws a cock ring as hanamaki contines, slightly defeatedly, ‘-so many legends lost, so so many legends lost, maybe if they’d all worn condoms. but also, if beyonces dad had worn a condom she wouldnt exist! so, small miracles-’
hanamaki punches matsukawa in the gut and steals the marker and matsukawa, doubled over and gasping, continues for him as hanamaki doodles little spurts and ? glitter ? at the top of the dick
ten minutes in, oikawa walks in and shouts, ‘EW WHAT THE HELL’ 
kunimi and kindaichi are making out on the bench and matsukawa has hanamaki pinned to the locker
there is a stupid amount of tongue involved in both make outs
they all split apart and hanamaki does his best to cover up the dick doodle which now has a crown and sunglasses and is smoking a joint
matsukawa clears his throat ‘hello captain you seemed to have walked in on sex ed. im pretty sure you have biology right now-’
oikawa has them running laps and scrubbing each locker after hours they pay kunimi and kindaichi to do it
kunimi and kindaichi accept so that they can make out in the locker room more
thats all ive got this is shite im so sorry look away
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Note
The soul stone war is a game that I've seen before and its on my list. Was wondering if you coudl tell more about how you feel about it, especially the villain romance if you chose that one.
Uuh, sure. I'll do it in a bullet list cuz it's been a while since I've played it and I can't really be bothered to put a whole coherent post together.
I should also encourage you to read some reviews on the Steam store page. They basically repeat a lot of the points I'm about to make.
The main character is a useless waif. Like, even if you pass the skill checks, there are multiple instances where you're forced to pass out, be injured, kidnapped, or otherwise victimized. They're so helpless and out of their element that it becomes hard to believe any of the much more capable and skilled people around them would ever find them compelling or interesting and consider them anything more than a burden. Yet you’re somehow also the most important person in the whole squad, and they keep protecting and helping you no matter how you treat them. Because hey, that’s the protagonist!
On that note, the romances are dull as hell. All characters are vaguely nice and friendly, some are just more snarky/broody than others. You can "friendmance" people, which is a good concept in theory, but in practice it involves your character being unaware of their own emotions. It further adds to how incapable and clueless they seem. Plus, it never becomes clear why any of the ROs would be romantically interested in the protagonist, especially when they have established connections with other people on the squad already. You’re playing a rando who just shows up one day, bumbles about uselessly, but then becomes the most important person ever to them. Sure.
The plot is filled with contrivances. The main one being that the main character is involved in it at all. They're basically forced into it despite showing no particular skills or talents, and the only excuse we ever get for them sticking around is ... uh ... the big-booby elf lady said they were cute. The author simply didn't bother coming up with a better reason for them to be involved, knowing that there would be one eventually that would justify it in the end, but giving us nothing to work with in the moment, no personal reason and no agency. It feels very cheap.
The world and worldbuilding are basically the most generic fantasy thing you can imagine. The author even answered some questions on their Tumblr about the political structure of the land as "You know Skyrim? Like that." Elements and character dynamics and even minor phrases and words are lifted wholesale from franchises like Dragon Age and The Elder Scrolls. One of the first things your character can say is a reference to Dragon Age, but it's never brought up again and we never get an explanation for what it means in this universe or why the character would say it. One of the first lines in your "own" unique world shouldn't be a tee hee cutesy reference to some other well-established universe.
The tone is all over the place. One moment you're joking around about something the big-boobied blond elf said, the next your character is being tortured by some werewolf woman or some god-entity, and there’s nothing they can do to escape, so you just sit there and have to endure all this torture porn. And then it’s right back to the repetitive jokes and snarky narration.
I’m serious about the torture porn. One of the MC’s backgrounds includes their transgender friend being murdered for being trans. Another includes your character almost getting sexually assaulted. The third involves your younger brother dying. There’s no reason for any of this to be included other than to show how dark and edgy this world is and how your character is running from their past or whatever.
Speaking of dark and edgy, the villain gets a lot of screen time, and it’s mostly him brooding about how evil he is while the narration creams itself over how hot he is, also. But the author acts surprised over how he’s the most popular character in the fandom, and deflects most criticisms for his route as “it’s self-indulgent” and “it’s a secret route just for me, I didn’t think anyone else would play it.” Bro why’d you put it there, then? With instructions in-game on how to reach it?
The writing is genuinely some of the worst I’ve read. I hate to use this word unironically, but it was cringeworthy at times. It’s supposed to be this epic fantasy, but most of the time it feels like it’s chasing the high of a found family in a video game squad, without actually knowing what makes those particular tropes work. It’s simplistic and extremely repetitive, relying more on character tropes and “tumblr meme” interactions than genuine character building and conflict. It also tries and mostly fails to be funny, but that’s more subjective, I guess. Take a shot every time the text goes “thank you very much!” and you’ll be out in a few clicks.
Pacing whomst? Everything happens in the span of like a week or a month, but suddenly your character and their RO are like, in love and all weepy about it? Oh no I almost lost you my dear darling baby, let me tearfully declare how important you are to me. Nevermind the fact that we met four days ago.
The villainmance is the only vaguely interesting thing in the story and it's pretty evident it's the author's favorite thing to write. They've said how it's just a "self-indulgent" thing that wasn't supposed to be popular (I do not believe a word of this), but it's by far the most interesting thing just based on the fact that it's not only the most plot-relevant romance, but it's also the one with the most stakes and drama and the most varied dynamics. There’s genuine, justified angst and emotion in the concept of it at times that is missing from literally every other interaction and grimdark moment.
That being said, I wouldn’t say the villainmance is healthy, so don’t go into it looking for that. The dynamics are way off-balance and a lot of the route in the first game is your character being attracted to the man who’s torturing them and wanting to be tortured again just to interact with him. If you’re into that, then you might be into this story, but if you’re not then you’ll be put off by it.
The Asian-coded character has a "yellow" skintone and is a half-dragon.
The reason there's transphobia in this world and the player can't be trans is is because the "gods" of this world don't want any mortals to have the ability to "change their gender" because that would make them too similar to the gods. However, nonbinary characters are fine, and you can play as one. Because as we all know, binary trans people are just out there "changing their gender" all willy nilly. That's how that works, right? While nonbinary characters are always born nonbinary and nobody assigns genders to their children in this world? Idk how any of this makes any sense but go off, I guess. This isn't in the actual game AFAIK but something I read on the author's Tumblr, so take it as you will. The actual transphobia is in the game, though. Because reasons.
Overall, it’s a lot of half-baked concepts, unfunny writing, and needless torture porn for the sake of torture porn. Plus it’s not even a whole story, it’s just the first part of a series/trilogy? Maybe it’ll get better as it goes, but I wouldn’t hold my breath tbh.
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insaneasgardian · 4 years
Text
Earth’s Mightiest Heroes! Chatroom 1; Memes
Clint has started a chatroom
Tony has joined
Steve has joined
Bucky has joined
Sam has joined
Y/N has joined
Wanda has joined
Natasha has joined
Peter has joined
Loki has joined
Pietro has joined
Vision has joined
Bruce has joined
.
.
.
Y/N: Hi guys
Natasha: Heyyyyy Y/N/N!
Pietro: Hellooooo Y/N!
Steve: Good day ma’am.
Thor: Why, hello Y/N!
Sam: Hey, how you doin’?
Peter: Hi Ms. L/N!
Wanda: Hey Y/N!
Clint: Hiiiiiiiii Y/N!
Bruce: Morning Y/N :)
Vision: A very good day to you Ms.L/N
Bucky: Hi Y/N! 
Loki: Hello, tolerable midgardian.
Tony: 
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Everybody: ....
Y/N: Ew.
Clint: I will gut you like a fish for saying that to my innocent baby!
Tony: Your baby is FAR from innocent ;)
Natasha: And now he’s trying to falsely accuse her!
Loki: I’m not surprised, he’s always been a disgrace, even to you low midgardians.
Tony: D: 
Bruce: The hulk has put Tony’s name on his list.
Tony: ....Of friends?
Bruce: No, that list is limited to Y/N and Nat. You my friend, are on Hulk’s NAUGHTY list!
Tony: >:O
Bruce: Anyway, Clint, why did you start this chatroom?
Clint: To introduce the 2 grandpas and the 2 GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT grandpas to......
Peter: Memes!
Clint: Yesss!
Y/N: Sounds fun!
Steve: What is a Meme?
Bucky: I’ve heard the term...
Thor: I haven’t
Loki: I am NOT a very great grandpa, you are just very young midgardians.
Y/N: 😂
Vision:  meme/miːm/
noun1.an element of a culture or system of behaviour passed from one individual to another by imitation or other non-genetic means.
2.an image, video, piece of text, etc., typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by Internet users, often with slight variations.
Steve: .... I kind of get it.
Natasha: Let’s show you first, then you can catch on, how about that?
Wanda: Good idea Nat.
Bruce: I’ll go first!
Bruce: 
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Wanda: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Clint: Why is that so relatable
Sam: That’s really funny, good one Bruce! 🤣
Thor: Wow... so these... ‘memes’ they make them out of us?
Pietro: Yes, there’s memes about basically everything, and everyone, even you!
Pietro:
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Pietro: Like that!
Thor: It’s me!
Clint: HEY!
Y/N: 😂😂���� It’s true! The rest of us working so hard to stop Thanos, where were you?!
Bucky: It’s true Clint, where were you?
Loki: I sacrificed myself, and you weren’t there to help! 
Clint: You came back to life though... you tricked us... AGAIN.
Natasha: It isn’t important... the question is... WHERE. WERE. YOU?
Clint: I HAD SOMETHING IMPORTANT GOING ON IN MY LIFE, OKAY?! ISSUES AT HOME, I HAD A DRUG ADDICTION, AND OH GOD....
Everybody: ....
Y/N: Clint... we... had no idea.
Bucky: Sorry buddy.
Natasha: Yea, if I knew, I would’ve never...
Thor: I’m sorry an image of me was used against you...
Loki: I.... apologise
Peter: But... Mr. Barton, you told me you didn’t make it because you were binging Brooklyn 99
Everybody: >:0
Loki: THERE WAS NO ‘ISSUES’!
Clint: PETER!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE!!
Peter: :C
Tony: DON’T YOU DARE SHOUT AT MY CHILD!
Y/N: EVERYBODY RELAX!
Vision: I agree, we do not need another Civil War!
Sam: Yea, everybody, get BACK TO MEMEING!
Wanda: 
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Loki: 😁 Ah yes, the good old days.
Pietro: Haha, old man!
Bucky: Lmao
Y/N: XD
Steve: I understood that reference!
Clint: WHY IS EVERYBODY GANGING UP ON ME?
Tony: 
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Natasha: Bruh
Peter: >:O
Y/N: Gross...
Tony: Awww don’t worry Y/N, I’m ‘Stark naked’ just for you ;)
Y/N: 🤮
Loki: You keep your grubby mitts off her!
Bucky: YEA! NOT COOL!
Steve: You’re really pushing my buttons today Stark.
Thor: .... Midgardians have a very strange sense of humor.... one of which I do not approve.
Vision: 1010001010011100101010010110100101
Wanda: You alright Vis?
Vision: Ummm... yes.... how about we have a meme contest? I’ll judge!
Natasha: I’m in!
Vision: Okay... contestant 1, Peter!
Peter: Oh... ummm... okay
Peter: 
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Y/N: Peter, you genius child!
Peter: :)
Steve: I don’t understand everyone’s obsession with my butt...?
Vision: I declare Peter the winner!
Sam: The rest of us haven’t even got a turn yet!
Vision: :C Fine... next contestant, Bucky!
Bucky: Watch me ;)
Bucky: 
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Clint: I came here to have fun, I feel so attacked
Tony: 😂
Loki: >:)
Y/N: Poor Clint, but that’s hilarious Bucky!
Bucky: Thanks!
Vision: That’s pretty nice! Y/N, you’re up next!
Y/N:
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Steve: >:O
Natasha: BAHAHAHA, THAT IS SO FUNNY!
Bruce: Made my day!
Peter: I love it!
Sam: So Steve 😂
Vision: Best one so far! Sam, you’re next!
Sam: 
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Wanda: That’s so mean 😂
Tony: Lollllllllll
Bucky: Jerk :C
Vision: Not bad ;0. Wanda, you next...
Wanda: 
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Bucky: Bro wth?!
Steve: That’s funny, you gotta admit Bucky.
Y/N: Nice Wanda!
Wanda: Thanks!
Pietro: That’s my sister!
Vision: That’s my girlfriend! Pietro is next!
Pietro: Sorry in advance Peter...
Peter: Why?
Pietro: 
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Peter: ..... UNCLE BEN 😪😪😪😪😭😭😭😭😱😱😱😱😰😰😰😰
Peter has left
Y/N: What the hell Pietro? Look what you did!
Tony: You hurt Peter’s feelings!
Thor: Poor spider child?
Bruce: Is he okay?
Natasha: I’m pretty sure he’s not.
Y/N: He’s hyperventilating.
Bruce: I’m coming to check on him.
Bruce has left
Wanda: Good job Pietro.
Pietro: I didn’t know, I thought he got over it :C
Bucky: He’ll NEVER get over it idiot!
Steve: It’s always gonna be too soon for the kid!
Vision: Pietro is disqaulified, Natasha, you go next!
Natasha: 
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Tony: lmfaooo.... did you know though?
Bucky: .... I feel awkard
Pietro: WOW NAT! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!
Steve: It isn’t bad though.
Y/N: Yea Pietro, you can’t talk!
Pietro: I’m sorry :C
Natasha: My meme was funny, everyone’s gotten over the civil war, unlike a certain BEN PARKER!
Vision: .... Steve next please.
Steve: I got a good one!
Tony: Oh boy.
Steve: 
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Y/N: What the- 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Natasha: 😂😂😂 New avenger??
Tony: That’s actually pretty funny, doesn’t even need words 😂😂
Bucky: That’s great Stevie, but all I can focus on is Thor... Is that even Thor?!
Thor: Indeed, it is me :)
Y/N: Wow.....
Thor: Does that picture of me appease you Y/N? ;)
Y/N: You look great....
Thor: Thank you, though nobody can compare to your beauty.
Sam: Our buddy Thor pulling out all the stops here O.O
Loki: Pffft, he doesn’t even look THAT good!
Vision: Maybe you can prove how great you are! Because Loki, you’re next
Loki: Watch and learn peasants
Loki: 
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Thor: ;O LOKI?!?!?!?! YOU’RE NOOBMASTER69?!??!?!? :CCCCC
Y/N: I. FRICKING. KNEW. IT! Loki omg 🤣
Tony: Loki is in deep shiiittttttttttt...
Wanda: I must compliment Loki on all the ways he discovers to annoy his brother 😂
Clint: Wowwwww.... after all this time of looking for Noobmaster69....
Bruce has joined
Peter has joined
Tony: Everything okay?
Bruce: Yea, he’s fine now.
Peter: Yea, I’m great! :DDDD
Y/N: Good to hear!
Peter: Mr. Loki is noobmaster69?!!!
Loki: Yes I am ;)
Thor: LOKIIIIIII!!! 
Loki: ... O.O I screwed up
Bruce: You realize that now?
Natasha: It’s a miracle Thor hasn’t killed him yet
Thor: YET.
Bucky: Oh shitttt.
Steve: Language....
Tony: lAngUAgE!
Steve: :C
Vision: Thor is next...
Thor: 
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Thor: Noobmaster69... whom we now also know as LOKI!!!
Natasha: Wow, he’s pretty pissed about that.
Clint: I’m actually worried about Loki’s well being...
Loki: Oh don’t worry.... he won’t hurt me.
Thor: YET. I shall wait for the battle of memes to end first.
Vision: ...... Ummm.... anyway, next up is Tony.
Tony: Well... do I have a great meme up my sleeve ;)
Vision: Nothing about Y/N
Tony: Fine >:C
Y/N: Thanks Vis...
Tony: 
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Y/N: Okay, that’s.... fine
Clint: At least it’s nothing about my baby Y/N.
Tony: Oh yea, speaking of Y/N... Y/N, do you like arc reactors?
Y/N: .....
Steve has kicked Tony from the chat
Natasha: About damn time!
Vision: Next up, Bruce!
Bruce: Okay
Bruce: 
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Bucky: I remember that!
Peter: Me too! Especially Ms. L/N!
Sam: Oh yesss Y/N was all like -
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Y/N: I love my spider baby <3
Peter: I love you too Ms. L/N!
Y/N :’)
Wanda: Wholesome content
Steve: SO cute!
Natasha: Adorableeeee <3
Y/N: Anyways who’s next Vis?
Vision: The last person... Clint!
Clint: I have been waiting...
Clint: 
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Natasha: That’s totally Bucky!
Y/N: Lmao yea
Thor: Always ready to jump up and defend the Captain.
Bucky: Because that’s what best friends do!
Steve: :’) Awwww
Sam: .... I still think I’m his best friend
Bucky: Oh buzz off Wilson.
Vision: I AM READY WITH THE RESULTS!
Pietro: Let’s do this....
Vision: In 1st place... Clint!
Clint: Yeaaaa!
Vision: In 2nd place is Y/N!
Y/N: Yeshhhh
Peter: Well done Ms.L/N!
Vision: And 3rd place is Peter!!
Peter: Yayyy! :D
Wanda: Well done guys!
Loki: Congratulations
Thor: Really good job!
Natasha: GREAT work!
Pietro: lol noice
Sam: Good work!
Steve: Congrats!
Bucky: Well done!
Nick Fury has joined the chat
Everyone: .....
Nick Fury: 
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Clint: ... That’s an option? If so, can I be in the meme department?
Nick Fury: GET BACK TO WORK! Nick Fury:
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Everyone has left the chat
Nick Fury: I’m stuck babysitting a bunch of motherfucking babies.
74 notes · View notes
birlcholtz · 4 years
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any bittyholtz headcanons👀
holster knows he’s big ok? and he realizes pretty quick his sophomore year that bitty is Not Great at handling large guys coming at him quickly. so out of consideration for this tiny frosh, who is cute but holster can also tell is scared shitless by ransom and holster being their loud selves, holster tries to be conscious of bitty and respect his space (and also not yell too much around him because who knows what specifically bothers him)
and the great thing about ransom and holster being best bros for so long is that holster doesn’t have to explain what he’s doing to ransom, ransom just kind of matches him and that’s that
and holster is delighted every time bitty opens up a bit more and relaxes a bit more around the team, and when he comes out to ransom and holster holster internally is like oh. oh of COURSE. of course big loud jocks who talk about hooking up with women all the time and check people really hard on the ice bother him. duh holster
but holster would NEVER hurt someone for being gay that’s a huge asshole move and he feels it is Very Important That Bitty Knows That Holster Would Never Hurt Him. why does he feel it’s so important?? that’s a question for later holster isn’t a whole ‘analyze my feelings’ dude
so holster actively makes an effort to be around bitty in a non-threatening way. by a couple of months into spring semester they’re very comfortable around each other, comfortable enough that bitty jokes about their size difference and at one point he literally jumps into holster’s arms (who catches him on instinct) and then holster is like oh my god i’m holding bitty. oh my god he’s so small but so muscular. oh my god his hair smells so nice oh god oh fUCK
there is literally so much more under the cut. (send me ur headcanons for rarepairs/qpps!)
bitty, for his part, was initially very wary of ransom and holster for exactly the reasons holster figured out. it also doesn’t help that ransom dresses like a preppy frat bro and holster dresses like a messy frat bro. they’re both frat bros and bitty takes a long time to warm up to them.
but what does help is the way holster always lets bitty know he’s there before he gets too close (sometimes bitty is in the zone in the kitchen and doesn’t notice things like his teammates entering), and the way he doesn’t friendly-punch bitty like he does ransom. or jack. or shitty. or even lardo honestly nobody’s safe. except bitty is.
holster is also definitely responsible for putting some of bitty’s favorite songs on the kegster playlist and bitty definitely finds out and his heart warms a little more
and once bitty’s come out to ransom and holster and they don’t treat him any differently or weirdly and still profess their love for him when he bakes things without a single no homo, bitty finds himself hanging around with them a little more?
ransom likes to study in the attic without distractions so that means that bitty and holster wind up spending a lot more time together and listen. bitty can’t spend that much time with holster without noticing that the guy is a) extremely tall b) ripped and c) has an excellent jawline. and bitty is only human y’all
when he plays music in the kitchen holster will always dance (and sing along if he knows the words, or enough of the words to get them wrong in a funny way because bitty’s laugh sounds like angels singing and okay yeah holster is smitten)
holster Cannot make pies because he cannot touch pastry, bitty forbids him from trying before he even asks because his hands are too warm and he’ll fuck it all up. (holster, internally, is pleased bitty’s noticed. bitty, internally, is like fuck was that too weird) BUT if holster is in there he usually gets dragged into stirring things or chopping things or handing bitty sticks of butter from the fridge and basically whatever he can do without fucking up the pastry
and a while after that holster is like hang on wait it’s been a while since i realized i had a crush on bitty and it has Not gone away should i like. i don’t know. fucking tell him i’m into guys or something like that?? that would be smart
this is more how they get together than a list of headcanons LMAO i always get distracted and this is so fucking long omg
so he’s like rans. how do i do this. and ransom is like you should blast gettin’ bi from crazy ex girlfriend and holster is like weird. i love it.
other things holster does to subtly let bitty know he’s bi: loudly discuss his plans for going to pride that summer, make a lot of bi puns and hope one of them lands, show bitty funny posts from the lgbtq+ samwell student group on facebook
eventually bitty is like . hm. holster is either a VERY supportive ally. or he is trying to tell me something. and after the 80th bi meme post from the facebook group he’s like holster. hon. are you trying to tell me something
and holster is like YES. I AM BISEXUAL and bitty’s like oh that’s great!! (internally: can i climb him like a tree yet)
and then bitty’s like well thanks for telling me! and holster is like uh yeah! (because listen he’s good at wheeling but he is SO bad at wheeling bitty because this isn’t just someone cute he found at a kegster u know??? it’s BITTY and holster kind of wants to sweep him off his feet but in like. a gentlemanly way that won’t scare him)
when holster relates this interaction to ransom ransom is like oh my fucking god holster you could have told him and holster is like yeah and i did not for some fucking reason???????? ransom. i’m dumb and ransom is like no you just caught feelings
(bitty, to shitty: hey so uh. if a guy aggressively hints he’s into guys for like. a month. and then when i ask him straight out he tells me he’s bi. what does that mean. and shitty’s like i mean i wouldn’t know unless i know the guy?? but i wouldn’t ask u to tell me bc like. hes gotta choose who he’s out to u know and bitty’s like yeah i mean u know him but maybe i’ll ask him who else he’s out to bc i need some advice and shitty is like hell yeah)
the next day, bitty’s like holster are u out to anyone else?? just bc the team seems kinda. hetero. except for me. and holster is like oh yeah rans knows and shitty knows. also johnson. and jack if he’s not stupid because i’ve definitely had guys stay over. but mostly just the guys in the haus yeah
then they go to murder stop ‘n shop and buy baking ingredients. holster carries a metric fuck ton of flour and butter and pretends he doesn’t notice bitty staring at his arms (but he might flex just a little more than necessary)
so bitty’s like EXCELLENT. and then he talks to shitty again and is like IT’S HOLSTER AND I’M SUPER INTO HIM WHAT DO I DO and shitty’s like hooooo boy. and then HE’S like well uh. holster doesn’t like. feel the need to formally come out to people usually like the way he told me was by just telling me about a guy he hooked up with last year with zero context or warning? like i don’t know holster as well as, like, rans, but he definitely wants you specifically to know that he’s bi.
and bitty’s like intriguing. i’m gonna go combust now. and shitty’s like cool catch ya later.
so then bitty decides there’s only one way to find out if holster’s into him. and it’s not asking him, what the fuck?? no obviously not. it’s wearing very short shorts and touching him a lot and watching him to see if he blushes or gets flustered. bitty may not be a blunt or forthright person when it comes to hitting on people but he can at least make it impossible for holster to try and hide any feelings he may or may not have.
so rip holster is what i’m saying. but he also observes how much bitty is still watching him-- usually when bitty is doing something like wearing very short shorts or dancing at a kegster or flinging himself into holster’s lap-- and he’s like HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. because also holster is like way more experienced with like. relationships in general? like he’s familiar with what someone flirting with him looks like. so he’s like alright well if bitty wants to make me suffer i’m going to make him suffer too. (’rans can i borrow your skinny jeans’ ‘is this so you can get back at bitty’ ‘yes it’s important’ ‘yeah sure whatever’)
holster knows he’s jacked, he just has to make sure bitty knows it. he also knows that bitty is comfortable with holster standing pretty close to him now so he’s going to use that to his advantage since holster is also tall as Fuck. (obviously he doesn’t do anything creepy like stand right behind him or smth but like. if they’re talking. holster is gonna get just a little in bitty’s space just so bitty has to look up at him a little. is this partially because bitty has really nice eyelashes? yeah)
basically what i’m saying is once holster decides to get back at bitty all hell breaks loose. literally nobody else in the haus can deal with the sexual tension when they’re in the same room. bitty is now pretty sure that holster is into him. shitty texts bitty saying ‘can you please bone for the love of god’. for good measure shitty also texts holster saying the same thing. he’s so tired but also this is hilarious
like it gets EXTRA. bitty and holster can both bend and snap and they DO. holster intentionally spills water on his t-shirt to make it cling more. when he sits at the kitchen table doing work bitty comes by and leans over his shoulder to see what he’s doing and if he brushes holster’s neck a little as he does it, well, that’s between them. at one point holster and bitty are both standing at the counter washing dishes and holster starts chirping bitty about not being able to reach the top shelf and asks if he wants to stand on a chair and bitty’s like hmm or you could just carry me. and holster almost has a conniption and it gets even worse when they finish washing up and bitty’s like oh great the counter’s all cleared off! and hops up and sits on it and that gets his face a little closer, vertically, to holster, who is suddenly aware that bitty is wearing very short shorts AGAIN, which like, seem to have become his uniform, and that when bitty sits like that holster can barely see those shorts, that’s how tiny they are, and it looks like bitty’s just sitting there in a shirt and nothing else and holster’s brain supplies a LOT of images once he thinks of that and hoo boy.
and holster’s like how can i get back at him. and bitty’s sitting right next to the hanging cabinets so holster grabs some of the plates from the drying rack that look dry enough and goes and stands *right* in front of bitty. like he’s not actually brushing bitty’s legs where they dangle off the counter but if he stepped forward like. half an inch. he would be. and they make eye contact for a second and then, without moving, holster starts putting plates away.
and bitty is like oh my fucking god WHAT else do i have to do (he doesn’t say this out loud) and then when holster’s done putting away the plates and it looks like he’s going to go grab more bitty just. wraps his legs around holster’s waist and pulls him in (and holster is like holy FUCK because he knew bitty’s legs were strong but not THAT STRONG HOLY SHIT) and at this point there’s really nothing else for them to do but make out at the kitchen counter and that’s what they do. (bitty does, in fact, climb that man like a tree)
okay so some actual headcanons lol. you thought you knew bitty was a clothes stealing fiend?? you were wrong. he absolutely is but you just didn’t know how much. does holster still have literally any of his sweatshirts? probably not honestly
the only way bitty will sit on the green couch will be if holster is sitting on the green couch and bitty is sitting in his lap because that way he can avoid any actual contact with the couch
when bitty makes anything with blueberries in it holster steals some but he also feeds bitty some because he’s mushy like that
they continue to go to extreme lengths to try and get each other flustered in public. shitty is so tired.
they share playlists constantly and even more of bitty’s favorites find their way onto the kegster playlist
when bitty moves into the haus holster is in his room c o n s t a n t l y. he just likes the space ok??? there’s lil reminders of bitty everywhere and of course if bitty is there too then that’s just the BEST
the puck bunny halloween costume physically murders adam birkholtz
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sea-of-dust · 2 years
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When they act like their collab counterpart pt2
Well y'all liked that last one 😳. Ty for the support! I decided to write the the Tokyo Revengers cast acting like Raise A Sulien. I made this one so much more emo-looking...I'm inlove with an emo girl 😼
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LAYER / Baji
Yk that plankton meme where he's like YES! YEEESSSSS! Yeah that's me and probably the person reading this section
He's much more mature and calm
He plays bass now and can sing?!? Arf..i mean
His fingers are gonna be rough
He would often buy sweet potatoes and then ask if you wanted to share (LAYER won't stfu about them)
He tried to get you to indirectly kiss him with a sweet potato
He can't hurt a fly. the fly hurts him
Don't get me wrong if you text him about a bug or something he comes over but instead of killing it he just brings it outside
"BAJI THERES A FUCKING BUG" He scoops it up and brings it to the door "there you owe me" "owe me wha-" and then he grabbed your face for a smooch
He stays there for a little while talking to you about how stressful the band is
When you ask why he's still there he just says "it's still kinda fun...the feeling of doing what I like in front of millions it's kinda exciting"
"You sound like every bandori character ever- ur probably turning into one!" "Wtf is a bandori"
Speaking of the band how the hell did you two start dating in between the band and the gang....bro u must have been real funny
The fufu laugh.... "Fufu" "😳" he becomes so much more adorable its kinda scary
He would get you backstage passes
Whenever he sees you in crowds he smiles
Miscommunication will happen. It's usually something he didn't want to tell you about saying he was gonna do it by himself or that he didn't want anyone to worry
He likes singing you songs from the band before giving you small kisses
Speaking of kissing he prefers kissing you in a private setting making you all flustered as he wraps his arms around your waist or pulling you in with his hands on your checks
PDA is fine but only hand holding and laying on his shoulder anything other he just tells you to stop while being red as hell hand covering his mouth
He would whisper sweet nothings into your ear before you head off to bed asleep in his arms.....score 😏
Yo I know I ant qualified but I'm the best mf for the job-me tryna become Bajis dog I mean what
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MASKING / Draken
Nothin changed these two are secret siblings
He likes cute things like a lot
he has small keychains bought some for you
He specifically this bunny character. buying you merch thinking it looks cuter on you
Manwife Draken
You would hear him humming shiwan dreaming thinking your asleep
His family loves you his mom thinks of you as another child
Treats you better than Draken-
If you were ever playing an arcade game he would sneak up behind you helping you. Putting his hand over yours and standing over you
"Sigh~ I got it" "Nah it's fine ill get it bet!" "Uh huh" "😳" Draken gets the jackpot while basically holding ur hand the whole time "there....why are looking at me like that"
He loves hugging you from behind when your least expecting it he just whispers in ur ear
"Hey bbg" "what-"
He kinda holds toman together another reason why ur so down bad he makes sure everything is done before heading to your house
He would kiss you on the neck when your back is faced toward him
He would send a lot of pics with the gang
"Yo im with the boys" "ik u sent me a pic of Mikey's forehead saying hey bbg" "I never sent that- hold on" "what?" Turns out Mikey sent it to u....because hes bowing at ur door apologizing
He hit u with a hey bbg multiple times purposely making you bump into him just for a "are u lost bbg" "WHY THIS AGAIN"
He loves sneaking his hand into yours
It's better when you don't let go he just melts on the inside
He let's you put cutesy stuff in his hair he thinks it's cute, he'll flex it to his friends
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LOCK/Takemichi
The Lil bitch becomes less of a Lil bitch
He would get flustered when around draken (draken = masuki) if you were to join he would hide his face in ur chest
"Aaaa your so cute takemichi!" "Ahhh stop it Draken!" "He isn't wrong tho just look at how much your blushing" "don't join him!!"
He gets all blushly when you show up at meet and greats asking for an autograph
He gets so flustered he covers his face with his hands in embarrassment even when you've been doing these things with him for a while
You teach him what sugma means....the hard way
"Babe how do you say among us backwards?" "Sugma?" "😏"
He would try to teach u how to cook only to burn down the house (I'm kidding)
"OK so u wanna cut-" "instructions unclear there's an oil fire" "😶"
He can play gutair now mfs gonna sing with u on the roof as dates with you
Speaking of the roof dates,the first time you tried to climb up you nearly tripped off the roof takemichi had to pull you up now you can tell he's thinking of it cause he cries everytime he thinks about it
He's very hard working offen not caring about himself when your involved
Bro would walk into ur house all fucked up u ask what happened and he tells you a super avoidable event and his excuse is "I was thinking of u lol"
U meet his family their screaming "OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU PULL THEM TAKEMICHI" "excuse me-" "oh u deserve better" "grandma wth"
He wound talk about how much he loves you to the other members and they would make fun of him not when your around tho they don't wanna embarrass him infront of you
"Oh y/n your so cute I just wanna smooch ya"Draken would tease making sock puppets with his hands "WE DONT EVEN TALK LIKE THAT" "heheh" "oh takemichi- OH SHIT Y/N"
The way he fucking crowd dives to stay away from your sight
Banji and Draken hangout with takemichi more offen they might take a picture of you two mad lovey dovey shit I'm pretty sure they make fun of him like tag teaming
"Yo stfu that's why u look like caiyuu" "STFU that's why y/n pegs u" "BROOOO" "fr i be hearing some sus ass noises when u two in the same room" "WTH U TWO"
Oddly protective maybe because he heard that u died in a few timelines. You don't understand u thought he just had mommy issues or sumn
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Pareo/Chifuyu
What the balls he's a SIMP...I thought I was down bad....
He would basically worship you like people think he has a shrine
He's around Mikey more offen he worships him too
He would dye his hair like every week unless you said you liked that color on him
"You dyed your hair again?" "Dose it look good?" "It looks great on you!" And his hairs like that for a month
Not even Mikey can convince him to change it
Yo as soon as you ruffle his hair he falls in love all over again he might update his y/n shrine
He gives you soft kisses he's so gentle with you
He loves going to buy stuffed animals with you
You put stickers on his helmet as a prank
It's still on to this day it was years since you done that
If you ever would show an insecurity he wouldn't point it out but he wouldn't really care. Your the most important person to him
He hides his love for you infront of the band
Kinda impressive
He sleeps with plushies you get replace the plushies it's scary how he grips it
Speaking of sleeping bros grips you like those hospital armbands grip a wrist (can't even bite through one of those smh)
He doesn't let you leave if you somehow do he searches for a few seconds then finds you instantly
You just hear ruffling then the mf walks up to the bathroom just standing infront of the door...the bathroom your in...
"HOLY SHIT WTH CHIFUYU" "what I had to use the bathroom" "THATS WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU FOUND ME IN THE CLOSET" "😏 witch one?" "...oh my fucking God STOP WITH R KELLY"
In the band he acts alot more serious when you show up for meet and greats and very Profesional
As soon as he gets off stage he brings you behind the building and he just appolizies you laugh a bit and kiss him he didn't do anything wrong.
You share sweets with him and if you eat too much that you can't chew he eats some of it...from your mouth...score ig...
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Chu2/Mikey
Oh no....THE AMOUNT OF MEMES HE WOULDNT GET
"Hey Mikey wanna try a soggy biscuit?" "Sure?" "....UR NASTY BRO" "WHAT-"
He loves attention from you yet doesn't at the same time
He clings onto you when your not in public, but when you are he limits affection to just hand holding and small kisses on the check
He's part of a band he wants to make sure fans don't go ravid
He loves kissing your neck. He loves it more when you kiss him unexpectedly or hug him from behind sure he may be a blushing mess but God does it feel good
You're the only person he would buy snacks for the gangs jealous you save some for them tho if they ever came to hangout
Suddenly he has a cup full of Jerky it's the only thing he won't share
He's the second main target for teasing just because of how flustered he becomes and how high pitched his voice gets
He would try to tease back only to get roasted it's one of those things where whoever laughs gets roasted next
He sometimes wears cat headphones as a joke. You call him a discord mod
He let's you play with his hair like alot he would make sure no one touchs his hair and wear it at performances
He's more emotional and hides in the closet when he doesn't want you to see him
You caught him once tho and he only cried harder. He thought you would make fun of him
He tries to act all calm and tough around you he wants to look strong so no one underestimates him and then you feel him tug on ur sleeve "please...don't leave me alone..i promise youll never see me cry again!" he would say between sniffles
You bought him a bracelet once and he tried not to hug you and tell you how much he loved you. Later on you see him almost never take it off he even bought you a matching one
He's very busy with the band. He comes over with them after every concert tho. Everyone knows each other super well
You would be kinda scared of how obsessed chiuyu is with your boyfriend...starting to think he loves your man more than you do
He would brag about his band to everyone even his rival bands what's funnier is that they ask you to tell him to stop
"Can you please tell Mikey to stfu" "what did he do now..." ""my bands the best in the world better than your bitch ass heheheh"" "that is something he would say...." Mikey stopped....for a week...and only a week...
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factual-fantasy · 4 years
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I don’t think I’m ever going to get tired of answering asks. :]
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Of course he has, he dabbed on the same person on two different occasions. He dabbed on Volvo for asking, “Can the White Truck tow that?” Its a long story and an inside joke that’s difficult to explain.
He then dabbed on Volvo again when he jammed his finger in something and yelled “FRAG-”
Jeepy went “Yo, you cant swear there’s babies in her bro.” and then he dabbed. I swear Volvo nearly killed him.
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I’m glad you checked out the memes! I had a lot of fun making them. :}
Anyway, that was partly because of the fact that there are 16 slots, and 16 characters. So some characters, like White Truck, may not quite fit in roles that were available...
However, Volvo fits because he has like, no chill.
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Oh man.. the  I D E A S 
So, the game. Here’s how it works and how each bot plays. Your magnets have no points, its who you put them on that gets you the points. The goal is to sneak up on a bot, stick a magnet to their leg and slip away, unseen. Each bot is worth different amounts of points depending on the difficulty. These amounts are decided by the humans that are playing. If a bot is hard to sneak up on, they are worth more points. The smaller bots are worth more points because it is much easier for them to spot you.
Now, to the bots and how they play.
Suburban is worth a lot of points because he is very difficult to catch off guard. He is constantly hyper aware of when ever a human or a small bot is in the room with him. He is fully aware of his size and is always watching closely for things close to the ground so he doesn't step on them, thus, he is hard to sneak up on and is more challenging.
Miata: “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN SUCKERS”. Miata is worth many points because she can spot you easily and is friggin F A S T.
Now a days, no one can really sneak up on Escort after what happened. He is very aware of his surroundings and knows if you're in the room with him. However, once he knows its you that’s in the room, he pretends to not see you so he can add your magnet to his collection. He’s not worth too much because he pretends to not see you.
Brown Suburban is worth very little points because of how easy it is to stick them to him. He cant see you very well and his hearing isn’t great, so as long as you’re quiet you can land 10 magnets on him at a time. He really does like the magnets though, and the humans are aware of this so they stick any extras they have on him.
U.M.Dragster isn’t worth many points because he is a very easy target. He likes the magnets and pretends to not notice you.
A.T.Dragster? Good luck trying to catch her. She doesn't really like the magnets and is MUCH faster than your stupid fleshy legs. She is worth a TON of points.
Green Truck is worth a boat load of points. You think just because he’s old and rickety that he’s easy to sneak up on? Get out of here with that. He’s a military general! You think you can sneak up on a tank like him? Man he was TRAINED to look out for little squirts like you! He doesn't pretend to not notice you, but he does let you stick one on him anyway and says “Don't worry, I won’t tell anyone.” None of the humans have succeeded in genuinely sticking a magnet to him unnoticed.
The Humans made special aluminum star shaped magnets for Vega so he could become a target. He is worth a decent amount of points because he is rather difficult to sneak up on. He is always scanning his surrounding nervously, However, everyone targets him anyway because it makes him happy to find the aluminum stars. He has learned to pretend to be oblivious.
Red Van is the most oblivious bot in the entire base so she is not worth many points. The humans know that she loves the magnets so pretends to now know. Because of this, she gets the most magnets. Hey, it makes her happy, screw the points.
The goal with White Truck is to stick one to him without getting kicked because you startled him. Which yes, is actually a risk. He’s worth quite a bit because of the some what real danger that comes with it.
Beluga is the same as U.M., she likes the magnets and pretends to not notice you. Thus she isn't worth too many points.
Honda is worth a fair amount of points because she is small and vigilant. Although she isn't impossible to sneak up on, unlike some of the others, she isn't constantly looking around every corner out of fear. She’s just weary is all.
Ranger is the only genuine and normal contestant. She doesn’t really know the game is going on so she isn’t constantly looking out for humans. She’s worth a little above average when it comes to points because she is somewhat difficult to sneak up on. She may be oblivious to the game, but she’s still a soldier that was built for war. Sneaking up on her isn’t easy.
Volvo is worth a lot of points not because he’s hard to sneak up on, but because you might just get yeeted. First off, if you come out of no where while he’s working you might just give him a spark attack. One time Miko sneaked up on him and Ratchet while they were working. She scared the snot out of Volvo which in turn scared Ratchet and made both of them freak out. It was funny but Miko almost got booted across the room so.. Yeah, just don’t sneak up on medics. They don’t play.
Jeepy is worth a ton because he SOMEHOW spots the humans EVERY, SINGLE, TIME! Someone will be sneaking up on him and he’ll just turn around and go “Oh hi! What are you doing down there? :D” Like?? He genuinely isn’t doing it on purpose, he just somehow cant be sneaked up on.
I wouldn’t recommend trying to stick one to Bash Buggy. Although he is a part of the game and is worth quite a bit of points, the humans have been told to be careful with him, and to try their best to not scare him. He cant see them too well and is easily startled. And because of the lac of protective armor he has, his entire body is a little bit more sensitive than the others.. So, stick a cold magnet to a easily startled bot that has sensitive metal and.. well, yeah. You might just get hurt. He doesn’t really like the magnets anyway because they don’t stick to him well and he cant see them so.. yeah, nobody really goes for poor Bash Buggy. :{
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He’s NOT??? Why does Google say he’s dead then??
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*Cocks gun*
WHO, THE FRAG, THOGHT IT WOULD BE OKAY, TO MAKE OPTIMUS PRIME, NOT THE VOICE OPTIMUS PRIME IN THE NEXT MOVIE. WHO, TELL ME WHO. I JUST WANNA TALK.
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I just imagined a wizard cloak patterned scarf and Mr. Potato head wearing a grim reaper costume. 
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Yeah, something like that or a piano type instrument or something. Just something that has higher pitched sounds and is difficult to learn. 
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thebibliomancer · 4 years
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Essential Avengers: Avengers #221: ... New Blood!
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July, 1982
A semi-famous somewhat imitated cover!
Can you guess ahead of time which two will be joining the Avengers?
No cheating.
Actually, what’s funny is that I can imagine a Young Bendis looking at this cover, seeing Luke Cage, Spider-Man, and Wolverine all in a row like that and whispering to himself ‘one day... one day...’
Spider-Woman is even on this! This is almost the roster meme that Bendis would have selected his team out of.
Just as soon as he cleared the way by killing off Ant-Man and Hawkeye.
Anyway, I like the cute touch that there’s just a completely blank square for Sue Storm. And is she really still going by Invisible Girl at this point?
-google- Ah, Invisible Woman is still a few years off.
And at risk of spoiling, I like the cover pretending that Rom (Space Knight) could feasibly join the Avengers. Although that would have made a hilarious mess when the rights lapsed. A whole swathe of Avengers comics unavailable.
So, where are we at?
Last times on Avengers: Captain America decided that the Avengers had become too unwieldy. They’d settled into a filler rut and Cap wanted them to be lean and mean.
So the old order changeith’d! And Moondragon meddled, causing half of the old team to quit. But Cap got his lean team of himself, Thor, Iron Man, Wasp, Yellowjacket, and Tigra.
And then Yellowjacket Hank Pym had an ‘attempted murder out of insecurity’ breakdown and tried to murder his friends and was a very bad husband to Wasp as well.
So Yellowjacket was out and Wasp took some personal time.
It was just Cap, Thor, Iron Man, and Tigra. And then Tigra quit.
Wasp rejoined but the trim team of six had become anemic at four and after some space mishaps, its finally time to try to do something about that.
As Iron Man declares in title-of-the-issue font they need some ... NEW BLOOD!
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And Wasp declares ‘yes we all know that already we’ve just been putting it off.’
(And they finally got the big meeting table back from the cleaners or wherever its been. Thank goodness)
But the question that Chairperson Wasp poses the team is should they re-induct some ex-members or go looking for some truly new blood?
Thor is brooding on the recent events, where Moondragon manipulated the Avengers previous roster shakeup and later when Moondragon took over a planet and got Thor to fight his friends.
So Thor’s point, by way of dwelling, is that they should be careful with who they choose.
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Thor: “Thus can no action, no thought made by any of us in the last weeks be truly, absolutely claimed as our own. Not even... mine.”
There we go. There’s that good Moondragon induced paranoia I was hoping for.
And character wise, I do like that there’s fallout from the Ba-Bani misadventure. Whether being forced to fight his friends or being made to fall in love with Moondragon or being convinced to side with her plan to bring mandatory peace to the universe. Thor has been affected by what happened.
Cap suggests that they clear the slate and just judge potential members on their current qualifications.
So what qualifications should potential Avengers have?
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Captain America: “Compatibility. Someone who can work in a team.”
Iron Man: “And technical expertise. Perhaps someone good with weaponry.”
Thor: “We’ve enough strength, methinks. But courage is important. Aye, and a noble heart.”
Wasp: “Well, I know exactly what this group needs. More girls!”
Good suggestions. All good suggestions. But very good suggestion from Wasp.
I know that two women on one team is the low bar that Avengers tends to reach but you know what’s worse? One women on one team. And you know what’s better? Three.
Think about it.
The meeting gets cut short because Jan has to go do Jan things like show off fashion at the Tavern on the Green but she tells the others to figure out who they’d like as new Avengers and then they’ll all decide at their meeting next week.
As the Avengers all head off, Captain America mentions to Iron Man that hey remember how Hawkeye used to be an Avenger all the time? Weren’t those good times? He worked well on the team, was real into being an Avenger.
Iron Man agrees that sure is a Thought but flies off thinking more about Jan’s suggestion to have more women on the team, albeit probably for less than pure reasons.
Thor meanwhile doesn’t have anywhere to be so sits down in the sitting room and reads a Time magazine.
Jarvis brings Thor some mead and Thor asks who Jarvis would enlist for the Avengers if Jarvis was given the choice.
Jarvis is surprised to be asked but does his best to speak off the cuff.
Jarvis: “Why, I - I really hadn’t given it much thought! But since you ask, I feel that some of the best Avengers have started as the most unlikely candidates. For example, those with strongly individual, independent natures seem to have worked out surprisingly well.”
You’re a good guy, Jarvis.
And you’ve got a good point. Since the Avengers were pretty much everyone who wasn’t on a team jammed onto a team together, the Avengers kind of have as foundation strongly individual independent superheroes managing to do a teamwork anyway.
And Thor just so happens to be reading the Time magazine that has a picture of Spider-Man on the front (along with “Friend or Menace?”) and thinks huh individual and independent??
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Oh boy!
Spider-Man going to be offered a spot on the Avengers? Is it 2005 already?
Goofs aside, this is an interesting callback maybe.
All the way back in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #3 (November, 1966) which I didn’t cover but probably should have if this was a more comprehensive Avengers blog but then I may have died under the enormity of the task.
Uh, that sentence got away from me.
Anyway, in that Spider-Man Annual, the Avengers debate whether to recruit Spider-Man for their team. Thor is the one there to find Spider-Man and bring him to the mansion. The Avengers decide to test him and (after Spider-Man tries to beat up the entire team because that’s what Spider-Man thinks proving himself is) they send him to bring the Hulk back with him.
He finds the Hulk and fights the Hulk but Hulk turns back to Bruce Banner and Spider-Man feels bad for Bruce and doesn’t want to turn him over to the Avengers (not knowing that they want to help Hulk). So he comes back and says welp couldn’t find him guess I’m not Avengers material byyyyyye.
The other Avengers go huh I guess he wasn’t Avengers material but Thor seemed to suspect what had really happened.
So my rambling point is that its appropriate that Thor again thinks to recruit Spider-Man for the Avengers because of that previous story.
Later in the day, Iron Man calls Captain America.
Although as Cap points out they know each other’s civilian name now so why be formal?
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Iron Man: “Captain America? This is Iron Man.”
Captain America: “Hey, Tony, let’s make it ‘Steve,’ okay? I’m off duty.”
So Tony “Iron Man” Stark has managed to stop thinking about more woman on the Avengers and has actually started to think about having Hawkeye back on the Avengers and has to admit, it sounds good to him!
So Captain Steve says they should go together tomorrow and see what Hawkeye thinks.
This is a nice sequence.
Its nice to see how the two learning each other’s identity plays out like this. Tony trying to stick to how they’ve known each other and Steve making a not subtle overture for them to become more familiar.
This is probably good shipping fodder, I realize!
But it is also good friendshipping fodder. It can be both.
Elsewhere and meanwhile, at the Van Dyne residence, Janet puts her own recruitment drive into... drive?
She’s invited every super-heroine in the country she can think of to brunch but she has no idea how to get a hold of She-Hulk.
Not even her state of the art computer system can find her! Granted, the state of the art computer system is for analyzing fashion forecasts and not news reports about She-Hulk sightings.
So Jan decides that if you want a She-Hulk you’ve got to spend a little green.
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She has her assistant take out a bunch of full-page ads in all of the major west coast newspapers. And heck, buy a bunch of commercial time too!
Jan is going to do some I Want You (to Join the Avengers) ads!
She is ludicrously wealthy.
I went and checked and her original inheritance was ‘only’ three million dollars but the way that she throws around money I’m pretty sure she has managed to get some lucrative investments. That or she’s just super good at being a fashionista.
Granted, blowing a bunch of money for a chance to have brunch with She-Hulk is a pretty good reason to blow a bunch of money.
Later, as twilight comes, Thor is flying around Central Park because he has no idea how to find Spider-Man but hears that he’s often around “the meadow-lands called Central Park” and happens upon three goofuses who just robbed a pawnshop.
These goofuses are such goofuses that one of them is wearing groucho glasses as a disguise. Another one is wearing a clown mask.
Which, like a moth to fire, aggros Spider-Man just to mock the guy.
I’m pretty sure rather than flying around aimlessly, the best way to find Spider-Man is to create the perfect quip opportunity.
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A clown: “I’m gonna kiss every dime o’ my share -- just as soon as we get to the hideout so’s I can take off this stupid mask!”
Spider-Man, suddenly: “Aw, c’mon, Bunky, leave it on! I’ve always wanted to bust a bozo who looks like a bozo!”
Groucho: “S-s-spider-Man!”
S-s-spider-Man: “But enough of this clowning! Wanna give up?”
Dangit, Peter. Good wordplay.
But before can catch these thieves just like flies, down came the rain and washed the spider out.
A sudden, inexplicable (cough cough Thor) localized storm tosses around the thieves until they surrender.
After the police lead away the goofus thieves, Spider-Man comes dripping wet and with a bone to pick.
Spider-Man: “Do you have any idea what it’s like running around in wet tights?”
Thor is like sorry bro but I’ve come to talk so Spider-Man agrees but they’ll need to go off somewhere private because the press is honing in on him to ask him bonkers questions about whether he came in a flying saucer.
I think they’re thinking of a certain emissary of hell.
That darn press!
Spider-Man and Thor relocate to a high rooftop for their talk.
Spider-Man: “Now, Goldilocks, what’s your beef?”
Thor: “Thy protective demeanor is unneeded, my friend. I have no ‘beef’ -- only a proposal. The Avengers are seeking new members, and I wouldst offer thee such position.”
Spider-Man: “You... Thor... want me as an Avenger?
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Spider-Man is still not sure if it would work out (reflecting on Spider-Man Annual #3) but he’s also really flattered by the offer. And presumably how the offer wasn’t accompanied by “BUT FIRST YOU MUST PASS OUR TEST!”
So he can’t just accept the offer off-hand but he’s definitely going to think about it.
Even if you don’t join the team, even just being considered is an honor.
The twilight turns into night turns into day, and Cap and Iron Man show up in Hawkeye’s place of business to bug him.
Don’t know if you remember but Hawkeye has a cushy job as head of security for Cross Technological Enterprises. And he actually does take the job seriously which is why he’s a little concerned, at least for his professional pride, that Cap and Iron Man got past his guards.
Cap: “Avengers priority -- never leave home without it. In fact, we’ve come to offer it to you.”
Smooth. Smooth, Cap.
Although I do like that they can just march up to the guards of this company and go ‘hey let us in we’re avengers’ and its not even a ‘ok i’ll clear it with head of security hawkeye’ its ‘yeah sure go right in and do you want any paperclips?’
Anyway, Hawkeye has his pride so he tells Cap not to expect him to come crawling back after the Avengers booted him out (actually Gyrich because Gyrich wanted the Avengers to have some ding dang diversity. Its weirdly the least assholeish thing he’s ever done although he approached it very much in an asshole way).
Point being, they kicked Hawkeye out and he has a new super cool job now.
Iron Man takes this show of wounded pride in wounded stride, just asking that Hawkeye consider it and let them know when he makes a decision.
But Hawkeye doubts he’ll decide to come back to the Avengers because he’s got a good thing in this steady, respectable paying job which comes with job security and respect!
And then, suddenly struck by the realization that he, Hawkeye, is turning down a drama implosion like the Avengers to do the adult thing?? Hawkeye doesn’t like what he’s become.
And he stares in horror at the trappings of power and respectability. The sex and the drugs.
Or a Playboy magazine and a personalized coffee cup, at least.
And he decides to give Iron Man his answer right then and there.
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Which, of course, involves shooting arrows. This is Hawkeye we’re talking about.
What’s amazing is that we’ll learn later this issue that he’s going to keep his security job and do Avengers on top of that (and in fairness most of the Avengers don’t have Avengers as their only thing). But he just shot an arrow through a glass door in his place of employment.
But you don’t hire Hawkeye if you don’t expect that kind of thing so I can see why it wouldn’t impact his job.
So that’s Hawkeye as a YES and Spider-Man as a ‘I’ll get back to you.’ And as the weekend arrives, it’s time for Janet van Dyne’s superheroine brunch.
And on the hill above the van Dyne house, its our old pal Fabian Stankowicz.
Remember? The Mechano-Marauder? Built a robot suit to beat up the Avengers, none of them took him that seriously? Iron Man beat him up solo without trying very hard and then got angry about Hank Pym?
Anyway, he’s back, somehow, and he’s salty about the less than dignified experience he had in issue 217. But this time, he has a new plan!
Fabian Stankowicz: “They laughed at me! Mocked me! But I’ll show the Avengers that the Mechano-Marauder is not to be toyed with! I’ll attack their weakest member when the others aren’t around! She’ll be helpless! *Heh-heh-heh*”
Well. Good luck with that, my dude.
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Sue Storm-Richards, the Invisible Girl, arrives and Jan introduces her to the other prospective Avengers: Dazzler, Spider-Woman, and Black Widow.
All good candidates, really.
Especially Dazzler.
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Well, Beast left and Tigra left so somebody needs to be the new funny person.
Apparently, Spider-Woman doesn’t like puns because she immediately starts getting catty with Dazzler.
Spider-Woman: “Nice going, Blaire! You’re showing all the polish and poise of a real pro!”
Dazzler: “Oh? And I suppose crawling on walls like some yucky insect is ‘professional’?”
Spider-Woman: “I sting, too”
I guess, they have some history in Dazzler’s own book that didn’t go over well. Black Widow has to lean over and tell them to cut the shit out for Jan’s sake.
But then the last invited guest shows up.
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ITS A SHE-HULK!
She saw the ads and she’s come for the free food!
Relatable.
Outside, Jan’s chauffeur Mr. Carrothers sits on the limo taking a smoke break and reflecting how good he has it working for the Wasp. Good pay, casual hours. The most he can complain about is that it gets a little boring sometimes.
That’s probably tempting fate because the All-New All-Different Mechano-Marauder stomps up to the house. Remember how Fabian threw the limo last time? Mr. Carrothers remembers.
He panics and runs into the house and tries to warn the assembled heroes.
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And yet.
They didn’t really leap to action, huh? I mean, I get it. Brunch.
Even after the robot fist has punched through Wasp’s frankly ludicrous window and kidnapped Dazzler, Wasp is more annoyed than anything.
Wasp: “Fabian Stankowicz, you get that thing out of my living room!”
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And then has to explain to her guests that Fabian is some chump that Iron Man beat up and that he wants to make a name for himself by defeating the Avengers. And Sue is like ah yes I understand completely.
But chump or not, Black Widow decides that they should rescue Dazzler.
Dazzler: “I don’t think I need saving, folks! This guy’s just holding, not squeezing!”
And so much for the brunch bunch taking this any amount of serious.
Sue just puts up a quick invisible dome to keep Fabian from getting to the rest of them which the Mechano-Marauder instantly bonks into and bangs on impotently demanding that they let him in.
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Careful, Fabian.
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You’re memeing yourself.
Dazzler saves herself when she gets tired of being carried around. She does her Dazzler thing with the bright pulse of light, blinding Fabian.
He drops Dazzler but she’s caught by She-Hulk.
The blinded Mechano-Marauder drives around blindly, thinking “These women aren’t even Avengers! They can’t beat me!”
Alas, Dazzler decides the same decision she decided in #211, that she’s a singer, not a fighter.
And Sue also decides to head off, saying that she’s too busy with the Fantastic Four anyway.
Shame.
But can we talk about the sheer audacity that Jan had of trying to poach Sue from the Fantastic Four to the Avengers? The nerve! The verve!
So that’s two of her candidates declining but that still leaves Spider-Woman, Black Widow, and She-Hulk.
And unfortunately for Mechano-Marauder, the first two are the two that have decided to kick his ass a little for entertainment reasons.
Spider-Woman’s venom blast damages one of the giant robot fists and Black Widow swings around Hoth-style and trips the Mechano-Marauder into the ornamental pond.
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Alas, after literally dunking a giant robot into a pond, both Spider-Woman and Black Widow turn down the offer to join the Avengers.
Black Widow has private business that are keeping her busy. And Spider-Woman doesn’t even offer an excuse.
In fairness, she has her own solo book over in California and that’s a heck of a commute. I’m actually impressed that she came all this way for brunch.
Fabian is fed up with being treated as an after-thought in his own fight scene and bursts out of the pond, yelling how he’s going to destroy them all!
All.... uh, two that’s left at this point. Yup, he sure is going to destroy all two of them.
She-Hulk has been fairly low-key this whole story, especially for She-Hulk. I’m pretty sure she came to the brunch just for the food and she hasn’t reacted much to Fabian, even when the others were. She caught Dazzler but she hasn’t had much to say since arriving. She’s mostly been standing with her hands on her hips, watching things play out.
But I guess she’s gotten tired of Fabian. Or maybe it falls to her as the last guest.
She tells him to shut up and breaks his robot suit with one punch.
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Fabian has one last trick up his Mechano-Marauder sleeve but its a dumb one.
His ejector seat is actually a backup robot suit. Annnd, its so heavy that it sinks into the ground. Trapping him.
Good job, Fabian.
She-Hulk goes to give him one more punch but Wasp stops her. Because she wants a shot at him.
And wow! What a shot!
At full not small size she crosses the streams to focus her bio-power stings into one concentrated beam and blows a hole in Fabian’s escape suit.
I’ve talked before about how Wasp’s pew pew stings have seemingly gotten souped up under Shooter and I think this is another good example. I mean, she’s not blowing up a house but combining the blasts to do precision boring is another cool application we haven’t seen before.
Anyway, now Wasp goes teeny and flies into the hole she made and up into the helmet to blast Fabian in the face. So hard his helmet flies off.
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Wasp: “That’ll teach ‘im for ruining my party!”
And that’s that for brunch.
Days later, Jarvis calls the State Department to request official clearance for two new members.
And we see part of the process of that. Interesting if you’re interested in the logistics of an officially recognized superhero team.
I guess what’s interesting is that Henry Peter Gyrich is still part of the process.
You’d think he’d have been replaced or something after the Avengers very publicly embarrassed him and got emancipated from him. I guess he keeps doing the necessary liaison stuff without ever talking to them.
The requests for the two new members cross Gyrich’s desk and he takes it to the White House where the request gets signed by Ronald Reagan.
(The two new members are Hawkeye and She-Hulk by the by. We see it on the paperwork. Guess Spider-Man is still thinking it over.)
Anyway, I guess its interesting that new Avengers are a matter that goes all the way up to the president.
God, I’m glad that for the modern team, Cap told the US government to fuck off because I don’t want to even think about that still being a thing.
The next day after the paperwork is signed, Hawkeye is on his way to Avengers Mansion in a cab. He’s reading a Time magazine about the change in the Avengers’ roster and reflecting that it’ll be hard to hold down two jobs but worth it because he’s missed the adventure.
Check out the Time magazine though.
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The cover of this comic book issue is in-universe the cover of Time magazine! That’s neat.
But Hawkeye’s cab is suddenly cut off by a pink Cadillac.
And Hawkeye being Hawkeye doesn’t just grumble and go about his day. He commits assault. Because this is Hawkeye.
The guy that Cap and Iron Man wanted back for being a good team-player.
So he gets out of the cab and shoots the pink Cadillac with an EMP arrow that fries the car’s electrical system.
Really abusing that Avengers Priority Status already, huh, Hawkeye?
The one mistake he made is that the pink Cadillac belongs to She-Hulk. She in fact earned it by doing a car commercial for Wacky Willie’s Wheels-And-Deals so you might imagine she’s fond of it.
So she picks up the cab with Hawkeye in it and leans it against a lightpole.
And then she picks up the Cadillac on her shoulder and walks off with it.
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She-Hulk knows how to make a lasting impression, I’ll say that.
But soon after he gets down from the taxi and stops in at an ER to make sure he’s not concussed, Hawkeye arrives at Avengers Mansion to rejoin the team.
Hawkeye: “Okay, folks, life can go on -- Hawkeye’s here!”
Iron Man: “And it’s about time! We were starting to get worried. What happened?”
Hawkeye: “Oh, nothin’ much -- not ‘til some freaky Amazon tried to play dominoes with my taxi!”
She-Hulk, lurking silhouetted by the window: “‘Amazon’, eh? I don’t suppose it could have been -- a green Amazon?”
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That is a powerful energy you have there, She-Hulk. Powerful energy and a power move in a power suit.
And that’s how Hawkeye’s day was ruined. Also how the two new additions to the team start with bad blood.
Conflict! We gotta have it!
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Wasp: “Hawkeye, She-Hulk. I’d like to officially welcome you both. From now on -- you’re one of us. We’re one of you. And we’re all -- THE AVENGERS!”
Jan’s trying a new thing where she kisses every new member. And they both have to bend down a little for her.
Also, another new Wasp costume! Wasp gonna Wasp!
This is another good, light-hearted decompression issue. The Moondragon two-parter had some yuks but also mind-control sex and Drax’s brain melting. So this time Wasp throws a brunch and Cap and Iron Man help Hawkeye escape the drudgery of an adult job.
There’s a lot of what could have been with Wasp’s guest list. What if she could convince Sue Storm to take a break from the Fantastic Four to try being on the Avengers.
She’ll join later, in the Worst Roster but she’ll join with Reed. I’m thinking more of a thing where Sue gets some time away from the family. I don’t think it could last long and it would need the Avengers and FF writer to be on the same page but I think it could be interesting - Sue getting to be on a team where she doesn’t have to be the adult in the room and doesn’t have to work alongside the family.
It’s a similar reason to why I’d like to see adult Cyclops join the Avengers. He’s so tied in with X-stuff and being the leader of X-stuff that I want to take him out of that context and see a new side of him.
Spider-Woman and Black Widow also could have been interesting. They’ll both become Avengers later. I don’t know that Dazzler ever did and she presents interesting opportunities.
The Avengers have had Wonder Man who was also trying to break into acting while being an Avenger. So Dazzler trying to pursue her singing career might just be a retread of that but what if she were more successful and was a celebrity on the team.
The Avengers kind of are celebrities but I think it’d be a different feel if they had a famous (disco) singer on the team.
Interesting stuff (for me) to think about, anyway.
Something else to talk about is the creative credits. Jim Shooter is credited for plotting but Dave Michelinie as writer. And looking ahead, Shooter is not going to be the solo writer again in the near future.
I think we’re getting to the point where Shooter’s going to be too busy with EIC duties to keep up writing the Avengers. He’s going to get plotting credits for a few more issues, probably loose threads he’s handing to other writers.
So the second Shooter run is going to end soon. Shame. Very much a shame. It wasn’t a very long run but he put a lot of energy and humor into the book.
Next time: Egghead’s back and he’s bringing a new Masters of Evil. Wow, it’s been a while since we’ve had them and they’re supposed to be the Avengers’ evil opposite team.
And Egghead is the not very impressive criminal mastermind who couldn’t beat Hank Pym so instead framed him for crime. Hopefully the new Masters rise above that level of menace.
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