#ALSO IM SORRY about those awful flames i did the best i could | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soldrawss · 3 years

Note

Sol i need headcanons for the brothers, please im begging you

BRUH I GOT YOU

I’m currently working on some little fics for them BUT I CAN GIVE YOU SOME DETAILS BECAUSE I’M DYING TO SHARE

(Warning, gets a little dark towards the middle, but overall fine. Sorry for the long read. I went for a DEEP dive on the Age Gap Au)

Ace was put into foster care 4 hours after his birth. His father died before he was born and his mother died during childbirth. Ace had nothing to his name but physical traits of the dead (Like his father's sharp eyes and his mother’s freckles) He grew up with a need to prove himself and to gain something that truly belonged to him all on his own.

Sabo was placed in foster care when he was 5 because of an altercation with his abusive and possesive parents, involving him having broken ribs and running away.

Ace and Sabo met in a halfway home for troubled youths when they were 6. (They both had issues with authority and past placements in foster homes, so they quickly bonded over that, and decided to stick together ever since)

Their bond was so strong that ‘honorary’ brothers didn’t really fit them. They were brothers. And they stuck together and stood up for one another like it was them against the world (which sometimes it was)

They would often run away from the halfway home they were at, trying to earn a living on their own on the streets, and often commit petty thefts in order to survive.

These little runaway trips wouldn’t last long though, because they were always caught by Officer Garp, a police officer that happened to have a knack for catching little runaways.

However tough Garp acted though, he had an incredibly big soft spot for these two little brats that were only trying to make their lives better. These two kids, barely 8 years old, who had so much hatred for the world because of adults in their lives that failed them. Adults that hurt them, giving them scars and bruises on their hearts just as easily as the scars and bruises on the little frames.

After a particular runaway incident, Ace breaks down and confesses about all the horrible placements he and Sabo had been in before. How social services always judge Ace’s sharp eyes and label in a problem child, how Sabo’s quick wit always get him in trouble with the adults, how they both have scars and bruises from past foster homes they were placed in, and that's why Ace and Sabo runaway. They’re tired of getting placed in bad homes. They’re tired of having adults try to separate them. Ace is all Sabo has and vice versa because that's the only person in the whole world who they trust to not hurt them. And Garp thinks that’s the last fucking straw.

Garp, much to Ace and Sabo’s but nobody else’s surprise, adopts both the boys, and takes them into his own home. Because dammit, if they’re just gonna runaway, they might as well stay with someone who will at least love them enough to always look for them and bring them back to a good home when they do.

And it’s weird at first, because Garp is the rough and loud and nosey officer that used to grab them by the scruffs of their shirts and drag them back to that awful halfway home kicking and screaming. But then it gets better. Because he still yells at them, but it’s with a tempered and fiercely protective love it when he does. He still grabs them, but it’s just to pull them into a rough bear hug that they fervently pretend they don’t like. And every dinner is spent with tears of laughter in their eyes and cheeks warm with delight at the stories he tells them. (They call him old man with affection and he’s their father figure even though they treat him like their grandpa.)

Sabo joins his school’s baseball team! Which is so freaking cool! He’s a really strong batter, can weild a bat like it’s an extension of his own arm, and Ace and Garp are always the loudest cheers on the bleachers every home run hit Sabo makes.

Garp makes Ace take up boxing, because the kid’s got a lot of pent-up rage and aggression, and he figures it’s a good constructive sort of therapy for the rowdy brat.

The two still get up to mischief every now and again, though. Nothing illegal, but Garp is still having to wrangle up his two little idiots before they do something stupid. (They get into a lot of fights with local gangs because they have smart mouths and are still a little reckless)

Garp has a biological son that Ace and Sabo never met due to Garp’s and Dragon’s strained relationship. Garp had always bad-mouthed him whenever his son was brought up, but it was always with words that had no heat behind them, and Sabo and Ace could tell there was a sadness behind his eyes whenever he looked at the picture of his son in his wallet.

The boys were 10 when they got the news of Dragon’s death a week after it happened. Garp had gotten the phone call when he and the boys were watching some late-night trash tv on the weekend, and he had all but strangled the phone in a grip that turned his knuckles white. He didn’t say what had killed his son, (he never did), but he had told the boys he needed to take care of something, told them to pack up some of their things, dropped them off at his friend Newgate’s house, and got the quickest flight out that night.

He came back 3 days later, and when he did, he had a tiny little baby with him.

Ace and Sabo were no strangers to babies. There was always some snot-nosed kid that would get dropped off at the halfway home (and then adopted that week, because everybody loved babies), and they were pretty sure this baby wasn’t gonna be any different. Because babies were loud and gross and never stopped crying, and Ace and Sabo were prepared for the absolute worse.

But then they stood over the baby’s crib to get a good look at him, and the baby looked back.

And smiled the biggest and happiest smile Ace and Sabo had ever seen.

And Garp had said “His name is Luffy,” and Ace and Sabo had been hooked around his little finger ever since.

Luffy was barely 6 months old, and was a bundle of chubby cheeks and contagious giggles. With big brown chocolate colored eyes that melted all the sharp corners and edges of Ace’s and Sabo’s hearts.

Because Sabo and Ace were the same age, and neither one of them felt like the older or younger brother. They were equals in every way. But it was different with Luffy. Because Luffy was tiny, and soft and could barely wrap all 5 of his little fingers around one of theirs, and it hit Sabo and Ace like a bullet train because oh.

Oh this is what it was like to be an older brother. This was what it was like to have a little brother. And Sabo and Ace have always looked out for each other, of course. But Luffy was something they had to protect fully and with their entire being. His smile, his laughter, his heart. All of it. Sabo and Ace knew all the horrible things in the world, knew all the hatred and fear and heartbreak the world could throw at you and it was like a silent promise to each other they never verbalized, that Luffy should and would never have to go through the things they went through. He would never feel unloved. He would never feel unwanted. He would never feel like he had to prove his worth or reason for existing. (He was worth more than any price anyone could give anyway)

Sabo and Ace stopped getting into trouble. They got good grades, excelled in their respective clubs, and didn’t give Garp any reason to chase them down in his old cop car and bring them home. (They were always at home anyway, giving Luffy piggyback rides and teaching him how to ride a bike and do one-handed handstands and cartwheels, and basking in the warmth that was Luffy’s endless love) And they lived in peace like that for 5 years.

Then the fire happened.

Garp was a good police officer and an even better Deputy Chief, and for almost 40 years, he served on the Foosha County Police Department. He had put away a lot of bad guys and saved a lot of people in the process and was an honored and highly respected man. However, this also made him a big target and earned him quite a few enemies. He was 3 weeks away from retirement and spending most of those weeks staying at home, playing with Luffy, and ingnoring the last of his paperwork left on his office desk.

When the fire broke out, Ace and Sabo had just turned the corner from the bus stop on their way home from school. They had seen the smoke, but didn’t know where it was coming from till they saw the towering blaze of fire that used to be their 2 story home and the group of neighbors surrounding the outside.

They managed to push their way to the front, hands shaking and eyes wide and absolutely breathless, because that was their house! That was their house that was one fire and where was gramps?! Where was Luffy?!

The only thing Ace heard Sabo whisper among the roar of the fire and the loud murmur of people around them was “Do you hear that? That... crying?” Before Sabo surged forward.

Ace didn’t have time to reach out and stop him, and by the time he could, Sabo had already disappeared into the open front door, which was covered in flames. He had screamed out, tried to race in and follow his brother into the flames, but the neighbors around him were quicker than he was and pulled him back.

Edward Newgate, one of their neighbors and close personal friend of Garp’s was in the crowd, and he was holding Ace to his chest with an arm like an iron bar, as he was on the phone with the local fire department. (Newgate was also the Foosha County fire chief, and was shouting at his lieutenants to “get your asses out here now!’) But Ace didn’t hear a word he was saying. All he could do was struggle to get out of the older man’s grip, reach out for his brother and best friend, and scream his lungs out.

What felt like hours went by, and Ace felt like his heart was shattering into a million piece, the glass shards falling around him, as he sobbed into Newgate's chest, thinking he had lost everything. His home. His family. His only purpose and reason for living.

And then some of the neighbors were shouting again, only this time in surprised alarm and Ace looked up with hazy eyes blurred by tears, to see something was coming out of the front door.

And it could only be Sabo. Ace knew it was him before he could even register it, and bolted out of Newgate's grips that had slacked at the surprise and towards his brother.

Ace met Sabo only a few feet from the door, Sabo collapsing into his arms, and Ace had to pull him the extra few feet away because the flames were still too much to bear even at that distance.

And Sabo’s skin was hot and red and covered in smoke and ash alike. There was a giant welting red burn against the side of Sabo’s face that looked like it would leave a scar forever, but Ace was having a hard time focusing on it because he was too bust focusing on the bundle of blankets that Sabo was desperately trying to push into Ace’s arms.

And Ace was already crying before, but he began crying even harder when he removed the fold of blankets to reveal a muffled Luffy, covered in ash but unharmed, crying his eyes out.

Sabo had a coughing fit that rocked his whole body, and burns that looked like they'd hurt forever, but he was smiling when Ace broke into a sob, clutching both Sabo and Luffy into his chest.

The firefighters and paramedics came a few minutes later, and they had to physically pull Sabo and Luffy from Ace’s arms to check and treat them. Luffy only ended up with a few mild burns and cuts on his arms and legs and some burning of his throat from inhaling so much smoke, but Sabo had to be taken to the hospital immediately for his burns, especially for the one on his face. Ace pleaded to let them all ride in the same ambulence on the way to the hosipital, and held on to Sabo’s shirt sleeve with a grip that would take the end of the world and then some for him to let go.

Sabo had to get some surgery and treatment to save his left eye, but he was all in all ok, and Ace and Luffy were allowed to visit his hospital room for as long as they needed.

When Ace finally confronted Sabo on why he had ran into the house in the first place, it was on the first night of their hospital stay. Sabo had a giant white gauze wrapping half of his head, and he looked at Ace with tired blue eyes that looked a little fuzy, still a little drugged from all the medication he was on to ease the pain.

And Ace felt bad about it, he really did, because Sabo didn’t derserve to be grilled on the matter. Not after he had sacrificed himself and saved Luffy. Their little brother. Their little brother who they wouldn’t even have anymore if it weren’t for Sabo.

But Ace had to know. He was so mad and heartbroken and scared out of his mind when Sabo had rushed in without word or warning. Because they had lost Garp. They had almost lost Luffy. And Ace could have almost lost Sabo too.

But Luffy was tucked underneath Sabo’s arm on the hospital bed, and Sabo just smiled at Ace with a patience that only Ace and Luffy could pull out of him, and patted the other side for Ace to join them. Ace climbed onto the bed beside him, and even with the two 15-year-olds and one little 5 year old, the bed didn’t feel too small at all.

Sabo explained that he could hear crying from the door and he just moved. Knowing it was Luffy before his mind could really think about the implications behind that. He confessed how the flames hurt at first. Hurt so bad, and it was so hot, and everything, from the floor to the ceiling, was on fire and he could barely see anything through the smoke. But he could hear Luffy’s little rough and horse scream, coming from one of the back rooms that used to be Garp's office, and suddenly all Sabo could afford to think about was Luffy’s crying.

Sabo would tell a watered-down version of this story to the cops in the morning, because they were Garp's friend and companions, and they only really needed the broad details for their report anyway.

He’ll tell a heroic version of this story, lacking any horrific graphics, to an older Luffy whenever the eternally curious kid wonders and asks about it.

But he only ever told the whole story right then on that night, one arm tight around his baby brother in a toothed and protective love, while the other one gripped his best friend's hands with shaking and bandaged fingers hard enough to leave bruising.

Garp was long dead when Sabo found him. The smell of his skin burning off is something that will haunt Sabo for the rest of his life. (Sometimes certain smells will set him off. Uncooked bacon is not allowed in the house anymore after one traumatic morning when Luffy is six. Campfires are viewed and enjoyed from a distance.)

He was lying on his stomach, clutching something to his chest. Sabo knew it was Luffy by the cries, bundled up in a few quilts and one of this office rugs, and Sabo knew he had to get them out of there before the smoke killed them off like it had a personal agenda against them.

The heat was unbearable, Sabo had confessed, but it was nothing compared to having to drag Luffy from underneath Garp’s grip. The old man was built like a brick house, sure, but even in death, his grip on Luffy, protecting Luffy, like he was daring the world to take anything away from him, was steadfast and almost unbbreakable.

It was the hardest thing Sabo had ever had to make himself do.

He didn’t look at Garp’s face. His body was burned black and bloody and raw, and Sabo couldn’t live with himself if his memory of Garp’s face was replaced by anything other than with the one of his scruffy beard and the shit-eating grin that he always wore.

When he pulled Luffy out, he didn’t look back, and raced out of the house as fast as he could. Something along the way fell and smacked him in the face, knocking him down at one point, but Sabo couldn’t pay it much mind. He got back up, and continued towards the door. He could barely see, barely breathe, with all the smoke and the ash, and the pain from the fire was almost numbing against his skin, but he didn’t stop.

All he could think about was Luffy, still struggling and crying against the blankets wrapped tightly around him. Next thing he knew, he was outside, and looking up at Ace’s snot-covered face.

Ace had never seen Sabo cry for the almost 10 years he knew him. He didn’t cry when he was 7, and the Anderson family had called him a freak and had sent him back after a failed foster home placement. He didn’t cry when he was 9, and broke his arm falling out of the tree in their backyard that Garp had told him not to climb, so of course he had to climb it. And he didn’t even cry earlier that day, at 15, when he was off medication and feeling the full extent of his painful burns.

So when tears started pooling out of Sabo’s pale blue eyes, falling down his cheeks and staining the cotton white blanket he was under as he told his story, Ace pretended not to notice, wrapped an arm around Sabo’s shoulders, and held him like it was the only lifeline in the world.

Garp’s funeral was held the following week. Closed casket. All the police departments in the county, and even some outside of it, showed up to give him a full send-off. Ace cried for both Sabo and himself. Sabo spoke a few words for the both of them. And Luffy stood between them, holding both their hands. They explained the night before that gramps was gone, but they don’t think the notion of death really got through to Luffy. He was crying, but only because Ace was crying, and when he asked ‘can gramps come out of the box to give me a hug before he goes away?’ everyone has to clench their teeth and hold their breaths to stop their hearts from breaking. Sabo kneeled down to wrap Luffy in a tight hug. Ace covered his face with his arm and cried harder

(They never bother asking Luffy about how the fire started, or what happened that day. Luffy doesn’t remember, and they don’t push it further. The truth isn’t as important as Luffy’s mentality is, but Garp’s old squad promises that they won’t rest until they get to the bottom of it. And as much as Ace and Sabo want justice and revenge, they have Luffy to think about, so they leave it up to the police)

Sabo and Ace are almost 16, and they suddenly have no parental figure, no home, no anything, and suddenly they’re faced with the horrible notion that even more can be taken from them when a blast from their past threatens to take Luffy away from them too.

They’re no stranger to the foster care system, so when social services show up at the motel they were renting with Garp’s savings, they feel their hearts drop to their stomach for fear of the very real possibility that Luffy will be placed in immediate foster care, and possibly, so would they.

Ace and Sabo jump into action then, because no way, no fucking way, were they gonna lose Luffy. They had lost everything else. They almost did lose Luffy. They weren’t gonna risk that chance again.

Ace was only a few weeks older than Sabo. Sabo hadn’t paused a second to jump into the fire, risking life and limb, to protect what little they had. It was Ace’s turn to be the heroic older brother. And on the day he turned 16, Ace petitioned legal guardianship and parental rights for Sabo and Luffy.

And it was hard, because of course the courts felt sorry for him, the grandson of one of the best police chiefs in the county’s history, begging the courts to let him keep what little family he had left together. The courts wanted to give it to him, wanted to help him. But Luffy was a child. And Ace and Sabo were practically still kids themselves. Asking kids to raise themselves was something no one should ask them to do.

But Ace and Sabo fought for it. Ace was 16, and Sabo would be 16 soon enough. They could get GED’s, no problem. They’d get jobs, get a little apartment near Luffy’s school, attend any parenting and child service meeting required of them. They’d buy all the necessities over again and they’d love Luffy where no other foster family could even compare. They’d do everything, everything and anything, to keep Luffy. To let them stay together.

With a couple of vouchers from Garp’s old police squad, including one from an overly enthusiastic Edward Newgate and one from the boy’s homeroom teacher, Makino, the courts ruled in Ace’s and Sabo’s favor, and Luffy was officially theirs until they proved that Luffy was better off somewhere else.

Ace and Sabo were never gonna let that happen.

They got a little 2 bedroom apartment a couple blocks from Luffy’s elementary. They quit school, and worked extra hard to earn their GED’s within the following months. (With the help of their old teachers and a few of their overly enthusiastic neighbors)

Ace got a job at the local fire department, as a rookie in training under Newgate.

Sabo got a job at the local news station, writing reports on top of his interning duties.

Ace eventually got a motorcycle that same year, which scared Sabo half to death and delighted Luffy to no end. It was cheaper than a car, and easier to travel to and from work on, and no matter how hard Sabo tried, he couldn’t come up with a valid reason why Ace shouldn’t use it to their advantage. So Sabo made Ace promise to always wear a helmet when riding it, and that Luffy wasn’t allowed to ride it until he was much older. (Which Luffy pouted about to no end)

And it’s hard at times, both of them working overtime just to make enough to support themselves and keep them afloat, but it’s good, and it’s theirs.

Luffy makes a friend on his first day of first grade named Zoro Roronoa, another kid that lives just across the street from them, and when Ace and Sabo know they’re gonna be late in getting home, Luffy goes over there and hangs out until they can pick him up (Which is totally fine with Zoro’s father Koushirou, a kendo teacher and single father of 6-year-old Zoro and 9-year-old Kuina. Zoro has a bit of a personality problem and often has trouble making friends (because the child doesn’t see a need to) so when little bright-eyed and endlessly joyful Luffy pops into their life, Kushirou jumps at the chance to have him over as much as possible, because the two small children seem to bring out the best in each other, and are best friends attached at the hip) Sabo and Ace are eternally grateful to the kind man)

A few years go by, and Luffy is 8. Ace is still working at the fire station and is now legally allowed to join them on calls and emergencies. (Fire used to make Ace nervous, because he almost lost everything to it. Now he has a personal agenda with it, to make sure it doesn’t take anything from anyone else)

Sabo has moved up the ranks now, and when he turns 18, confronts Ace with a rare job opportunity he was offered.

“It’s a year-long internship for this really cool company that reports and delivers high-class diplomatic information around,” Sabo starts, rubbing the back of his head like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. “I’d be working as like, a cool undercover spy with diplomatic immunity and a messenger bag. It’s not dangerous at all, and pays almost triple my paycheck now, which would really help us out. But it’s overseas, and I’d be gone for a whole year. You’d be raising Luffy all by yourself, birthdays and holidays and skinned knees, with just the two of you, so say the word, and I’ll totally turn this job down on the spot.”

And it’s scary to Ace. Because he hasn’t been alone since he was 6 years old, and he can’t possibly remember a time when Sabo hadn’t been by his side. His best friend and brother. It was always the two of them. Two little runaways that found a home, lost that home, and then built a new home all on their own despite it all. And neither of them had ever been away from Luffy for longer than a weekend, so Ace was sure it would kill Sabo to be away from them for so long.

But he also knew that Sabo was only playing this off like it wasn’t a big deal, when in fact it was the job opportunity of a lifetime for someone like Sabo, a kid who breathed adventure and freedom with every breath. And that when he talked about it, his eyes sparkled with a joy that Ace would hate himself forever for taking it away.

Sabo was giving Ace the choice, and Ace knew that Sabo would go along with whatever Ace decided without a second thought or complaint. But Ace knew that Sabo would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't go, so he slugged Sabo in the arm, gave him his best shit-eating, confident grin, (the kind he used to give him right before they were about to steal some food as kids, or about to get into a fight when they were teens) and said, “You let me have a motorcycle. The least I can do is let you go road tripping abroad.”

Because Ace and Luffy would be fine. They’d miss Sabo like crazy, and Ace was pretty sure Sabo was like, 90% of his impulse control, but they’d survive. Sabo had the burn marks to prove how far he was willing to go for their family, and Ace had never thanked him for that. Ace was never gonna live that down, and was going to spend the rest of his life making it up to both Sabo AND Luffy, and prove just how good of an older brother he could be. This was the least he could do for them.

#my work #one piece #monkey d. luffy #Portgas D. Ace #sabo #asl brothers #age gap au #oh ho look at me #my fics all start after this moment when sabo is overseas #so this is just context for that.#enjoy please and sorry in advance #i've thought too much about this au #it lives rent free in my head always

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shoutaaizawas · 4 years

Text

↳ ❝burn❞ dabi x fem!reader → part V

summary: touya todoroki, your childhood friend was dead or so you thought. things get more complicated than you ever thought they could. word count: 2.7k+ tags/warnings: angst, mentions of abuse a/n: i'll be gone for a while but im hoping to have a couple parts done while im away. enjoy this until i return~ spoilers for chapter 265 of the manga. also im sorry i need to get better at writing action scenes. masterlist

part IV part V part VI

It was a night you had tried to forget but it always replayed in your mind, over and over. How could you forget that night? You would always carry the weight of it, the grief, the guilt.

It was a gut feeling. You were always in tune with Touya for better or worse. It had been a bad night, Enji had yelled and screamed at him and it was the breaking point. Touya knew he would never be enough to make his father proud. His quirk wasn’t the perfect quirk Enji wanted but Shoto did have that quirk.

Once Enji knew he had his perfect child Touya was even more neglected. Before that, he was at best a backup if Enji couldn’t have the child he wanted.

This pushed things to their limit. Touya had enough of never being enough. Sure, he hated his father more than anything but deep down there was still something in him that wanted his approval. Touya reasoned the best way to prove himself was going against his father’s biggest rival.

It was probably stupid but when you got that gut feeling that something was wrong with Touya you would go to him just to make sure. You hadn’t been wrong. You found Touya changing late at night and you knew he was up to something.

“What are you doing?” You questioned.

“Proving myself.” He said.

“By running around at night?”

“No, I’m going to find my father’s rival and show everyone that I’m strong enough. That I’m good enough-” He cut himself off taking a shaky breath.

He didn’t have to finish that sentence for you to know what he meant. How many nights had he opened up to you in his most vulnerable state? He had told you how through it all, even with how awful his father was to him he just wanted validation. He wanted his father to be proud, to be supportive, to love him. What kid didn’t want that? You knew that he just wanted to be good enough to be loved.

Touya was good enough to be loved even if Enji Todoroki would never see that.

“You are good enough, I know you want him to understand but this is dangerous.” You said. “This isn’t the right way.”

“You can’t change my mind.” He said as he walked past you.

“I’m not going to let you go alone.” You said as you followed. “What kind of friend do you think I am?”

“The best.” He said as he looked at you with that playful smirk you loved so much.

You wished more than anything that you had stayed home. Over the years all you could ever thing was what you could have said, what you could have done to stop him, anything to change what happened.

Touya had tracked him down to an abandoned building. Before you stepped in you knew this was a bad idea. Things only got worse once you found him.

The fight was bad, indoors there was only so much you could do. You could use your quirk but you had a disadvantage in a smaller area. It was bad, Touya’s quirk was getting out of control. More so than you had ever seen it before. The heat from his flames was nearly burning you.

Endeavor had caught on to his son sneaking out and followed but he had not been fast enough. The villain collapsed the building, with a rumble you knew that you had no chance of protecting yourself from the debris that came crashing down.

Your eyes opened to find Endeavor over you, guarding you against the debris. You quickly realized that if he had saved you where was Touya? Endeavor burnt the rubble away freeing the both of you. Standing up you looked around but there was no sign of Touya.

You screamed and screamed for him but there was no reply. Looking at Endeavor you saw his face fall.

“Why didn’t you save him? Why did you save me?” You screamed at him, hitting his chest.

You tried pulling up the rocks, looking for any sign of him but there was nothing. You screamed his name hoping for something, anything to tell you he was still alive.

The villain had disappeared and Touya was gone. Endeavor had been doing the same thing as you, looking for any sign of him but he realized it was useless. Sirens approached and he pulled you away from the scene and to the ambulance. You screamed punching and kicking but it was pointless against his strength.

“They’ll look for him. They can search better than us you need medical treatment.” He said putting you down on a stretcher.

“This is your fault! He did this because of you! Why couldn’t you just show him, love? Why couldn’t you tell him you were proud of him?” Tears streamed down your face as you sobbed.

Enji stared at you with a solemn face before he turned to the search and rescue team.

You were taken to the hospital to have your injuries treated. By the next morning, you were told that the only thing they found was a pile of ashes.

Touya was dead. Your best friend. The only person you had ever loved and you never had the chance to tell him.

After it all, you found it hard to care about anything. Hero work seemed so pointless. Your classmates tried to help you, cheer you up but it was an impossible task. Eventually, you were a loner, you went to school and did your work but didn’t connect with anyone around you. What was the point if you would just lose them.

Most days you would sit under the tree you and Touya always sat at and remember all the good times you had with him.

You remembered all the times he had patched you up after a rough training session. All your scrapes and bruises were worth it for the disgruntled look on his face as he kneeled in front of you with a first aid kit.

“Touya with how good you are with a first aid kit I think you might consider interning for Recovery Girl.” You would tease.

“Only for you, rain drop. Only for you.” He would always reply.

It hurt being there, under that tree thinking about him, knowing you would never see him again. Students passed and gave you a sad look.

It was odd, that night was present in your mind often but lately, it felt like you couldn’t push it away at all. You missed Touya, you always missed him. How often did you see something he would have liked and thought of him? How often did something happen and you wanted to tell him? It didn’t matter how long he had been gone, his loss was fresh as the day it had happened.

There was no connection that you could see between his death and the situation with the hero commission but it still felt personal.

You had pushed for more information but were unable to find anything. Your last resort was risky but you had a feeling it was the only way you would get a real answer.

Walking into the hero commission’s building your heartbeat in your chest. You knew it was dangerous but you were in this so deep, you couldn’t walk away without understanding what was happening.

You had scheduled an appointment with the commission to report on villain activity in your patrol territory. It was something you had done here and there and something a lot of heroes did to keep them informed.

But the real reason for your visit was different.

“Thank you for visiting us again, if you have everything written down in a file you don’t have to stay and explain it all, we will review it and deal with things as necessary.” An older man said. “Just to clarify have you found that we need more heroes or less in your area?”

You handed them the file. The man took it and set it down not even opening it.

“Things have been quiet so for the time being I think some heroes could be put to better use in other areas.” You said.

“Good to hear.” He said. “Thank you for your time.”

“Thank you for yours.” You said as you turned to leave.

This was your time, now that you were deep inside the building all you had to do was find where they kept all their files. Of course, they had a lot of different file rooms but you wanted the one that had the information they didn’t want out there.

It was unmarked but had a serious lock on the door. Obviously, they didn’t want people in there. You looked over your shoulder confirming there was no one around and no cameras before you started to pick the lock. You thanked your internship with a hero that specialized in more subtle hero work.

It wasn’t easy, especially with how shaky your hands were from nerves but finally, the lock clicked and you knew you were in.

Opening the door quietly you moved in looking around all the shelves. You had to be quick but you wanted all the right information. Most of it was unmarked. As you glanced over the information you were disturbed.

The hero commission had a program where they took in children with promising quirks and trained them into weapons. The most notable one being Hawks. Skimming through more of the information you found Hawk’s file. He was in fact was working as a double agent. What horrified you, even more, was that the commission approved the killing of Best Jeanist. Everyone thought he was missing but he was dead.

The paper slacked in your hand at the realization. You kept reading, you would have time to process this later. Looking over more files you found evidence of them killing off heroes and covering it up to keep this information from getting out.

A shiver went down your spine. You were now one of those people. If they found out you would be another casualty. You grabbed the most incriminating papers and folded them up and hid them in your pocket. You had to get out before someone knew you had been there.

Once you were out and around the corner you let out a breath you had been holding. You made it out but that didn’t mean you were safe. You had to decide what to do with this information before it was too late.

That night you couldn’t sleep, all you could think of was all the children that had been taken from their families only to be stripped of their identity and treated like soldiers. How could an organization that was supposed to stand for justice and heroism do something like this? It was wrong and that was just the tip of the iceberg of their misdeeds.

You were just one person, what could you do?

Enji Todoroki. Your interaction with him stuck in your head. He claimed to be a changed man, or at least a man trying to change. If you approached him with this information he might want to help, even if he didn’t want to you could guilt him into it.

The thought of working with him made you sick.

Hawks was a more dangerous option. He was a victim of their system, there was a chance he would want to get out. There was also a chance he would be the one trying to kill you if the commission found out you knew.

Perhaps it was your pride but you chose the more dangerous option, tomorrow you would talk to Hawks and see how it went.

As you left your house you had a bad feeling. Someone was following you. You tried not to look like you knew as you walked along the street. There were people around so you were most likely safe for now.

You had been wrong. A weight collided with you and you were thrown into the street. You were disoriented but you tried to gather your senses quickly.

The man that stood over you was familiar, he was a villain. You hadn’t fought him before but you knew his face. He had a teleporting quirk. As you stood up her appeared behind you a knife in hand. You swung your elbow back, hitting him in his ribs. He was quick, as your arm went back he took advantage leaving a gash across your arm before you hit him. He let out a sound of pain but recovered quickly grabbing your arm and flipping you onto the ground.

Your lungs burned as the wind was knocked out of you. He leaned down to grab you by the collar of your shirt but you kicked him in the stomach knocking him back. Standing up quickly you used your quirk to push him back with a gust of wind before you summoned a lightning bolt down on him. He let out a grunt of pain.

Even while he was still in pain he teleported behind you so quickly you couldn’t react. He kicked you to the ground, hard. You landed on your face, unable to brace for the fall. Your head was spinning from the impact. He placed his foot on your back holding you down, not that you could move with how disoriented you were.

“The hero commission sends their regards.” He said leaning down close to your ear. You had expected another hero to come after you or even an underground vigilante but a villain?

You let out a scream of pain as he dug the knife into your side. Great, he wasn’t going to go for the killing blow he was going to torture you first.

You waited for another stab but you were shocked when a burst of flames blew over you, knocking the villain away. When you rolled over you expected to see Endeavor, which would have been odd considering he wasn’t over here very often.

When you saw Dabi you were confused.

He walked past you towards the villain saying something you couldn’t quite make out before he let out another burst of flames turning the man into a pile of ashes. You flinched at the heat from his quirk. He turned to you looking at you with an odd expression.

Why was he here?

He didn’t say a word as he picked you up in his arms and walked in the direction of your house. Did he know where you lived?

“Where are you taking me?” You asked.

“Your house.” He said as if you should have known.

“How do you know where I live?” You asked.

“A hero is stalking me and you didn’t expect me to do some stalking of my own?” He said in a teasing voice.

“Oh.” You said. That made sense you supposed. You were in over your head, you should have realized that when a villain was trying to kill you for the hero commission but being carried home by a villain was somehow more confusing. “Why aren’t you trying to kill me?”

“One attempt on your life in a day isn’t enough for you?” He joked.

“Are you the one who took me home after that night in the alley?” You asked.

“None of your business.” He said.

It seemed you weren’t going to get a straight answer from him. You supposed that made sense. You got home and he opened the door and took you inside setting you down on the couch.

“Where’s your first aid kit?” He asked.

“Under the sink.” You said. “Wow, so you not only saved me but you're going to patch me up. I’m starting to think villains aren’t as bad as they’re made out to be.”

Dabi returned kneeling in front of you looking at you with those familiar blue eyes.

“Only for you, raindrop. Only for you.” He said.

The realization hit you and it felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“T-Touya?” You could barely the name out. He looked at you with shock, it seemed he didn’t mean to say that out loud.

a/n: i swear i didn’t mean to leave it on a cliffhanger but it was getting really long and i didn’t have much time to finish it all

taglist: @flowersgirl02 @wesparklebitch @moon-write @strangely-charmed @ibookishqueen @tomomoni @why-so-red @grungy-pansexual @sugarandsoft @pansexual-potterhead @ha-tep @milegonzalez96 @prettyinblack231 @jadepersonaldriscal @nanamichan @multi-madison @e-wwis @itlivesintheanime

#dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #dabi #bnha x reader #touya x reader #bnha #mha #mha x reader #touya todoroki #my writing #burn

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writing-for-me-at-this-point · 3 years

Text

The Missing Guardian | Prologue: Act I Scene II | Mondstadt: The Outlander Who Caught The Wind

A.N. yay! second chapter! hope you guys enjoy and sorry for any typos! this chapter is also a day late :/ sorry again about that. im currently going through a lot family wise, but i wanted this to come out as soon as i could get it out. in compensation, you guys have another birthday character coming out and hopefully the first i love you prompt :D anyways, enjoy!

Word Count. 2,213 words

Page Count. 6.5 pages

TWarnings. cursing

Synopsis. When you’ve finally found a home in a set of twins who travel across worlds, setting out to enjoy your time with them; learning everything you could while traveling from world to world. But this time was different, because this time, someone stood in your way from continuing forward, from going home. You watched as your family was torn from you once again, leaving you stuck in a world alone with only a guide, the memories of a life long left behind, and the hope of finding them once again.

[ Series Masterlist: The Missing Guardian Mini Masterlist ]

[ previous ] [ Act I Scene II ] [ next scene ]

You smiled as your gaze looked out the window, the eternal abyss staring back as it was littered with the misty colors of turquoise, lavender, and many shades of rose- stars littering the rest of the scene in front of you. You leaned your head against the metal framing of the window, your hair cushioning you comfortably as thoughts sat still in your mind, your body calm as well.

How long has it been since you were on the ship?

"Hey kid, don't sleep with your neck like that- you'll mess it up" Quills voice rang out, but it sounded far away, muffled. You didn't know if it was cause of your tiredness or your spaced out state, but you couldn't seem to care by that point. You felt thick gloves move around your neck, the other moving under your knees, before a huff and some grumbling.

"I don't know what you'll do without us, but even then," He sighed, carrying your body to the closest area where you could rest properly under his gaze, on the plush rest area in the cabin, allowing him to navigate the stars while keeping you near- though he'd vehemently denied it at any and every comment about it, the Guardian had grown attached to you, finding a child in you where you found a father in him.

"I don't think I want you leaving the nest so soon."

"As we all know, poetry and language flow like the wind. There'll definitely be someone there who knows about your friends. At least, that's what Paimon thinks!" Your guide chimed, hovering in front of you as you both made your way down the side of the hill, the vibrant and thick greens of the grass and trees were only further complimented by the sun- this place definitely was beautiful. You didn't feel warm, or overheated, which surprised you, especially with how bright the sun was. The cool breeze was constant in this place, giving an Autumn chill to a Spring setting, at this rate you'd think you'd need your body suit to warm you up.

"Whether the gods actually answer you is a different story. You never know unless you try. So let's hop to it!" You can practically feel her smile, her small head turning back to you, Paimon's small body bouncing up at how you were listening to her so intently. By the time you reached the statue, she started to cross again, having the privilege of floating while you... did not.

"You can swim right over! Don't push yourself though!"

"Let's just hope I don't sink with all the gear I have... or get electrocuted." You joked, walking into the water till your hot waist level, deciding at that point swimming was best.

"W-what? Don't just jump in then!" She shouted, still loud as ever in that tiny body of hers, floating above you with a worried look on her face.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. My gear is all waterproof, so there isn't an issue there." You huffed, climbing onto the shore of the tiny island before shaking off the water and straining what you could, lightening your load as much as allowed.

"See? All good."

"Well don't joke like that! Paimon doesn't know what she'll do if anything happens to you... Paimon doesn't even wanna think about it!" She exclaims, a hand to her head, her face still concerned. You sighed, a small smile coming to your face before you took a small hand into your own, rubbing the soft skin to soothe her.

"Alright. I'm sorry about that joke, I won't make any of those types again, alright? I'm not going anywhere. Not without you, Paimon." You smiled, sincerity in your voice, making her smile and nod her head.

"Good! Paimon’ll make sure to keep that in mind for the future."

"I'll hold you to it." You smirked, walking up to the statue, finding interest in the large golden plate. You reached out, taking the glove off your hand to get a proper feel of the metal, before taking a step back in shock. The statues' indentations lit up and aquamarine, the one you were so used to seeing outside of terrestrial planes, before a deep thump resounded in your head- much like a heartbeat. A small swirl of wind danced around the statue before the orb held in place started to glow, small particles combing in the center before forming a small sigil with wings that flew straight towards your chest.

You felt a rush of cool air through your veins, like an excitement you couldn't explain, whips of teal surrounding your body as you could only take another step back and look to your uncovered hand to see for any physical changes as well- to which there were none. But you felt something. In your chest, your heart, something that was stirring and it didn't seem to slow down.

"Ooh! Did you just feel the elements of the world?" Paimon asked, allowing you to turn and face her, your face still showing a stunned expression from... whatever that was.

"Seems all you had to do was just touch the statue and you got the power of Anemo! As much as they may want it, people in this world can never get a hold of powers as easily as you..." She explained, crossing her arms over the matter, an idea popping into your head at the same time.

"I think I might know why-"

"Ah-ha, it's because you're not from this world to begin with. If we keep heading West from here, we'll eventually reach Mondstadt, the City of Freedom. Mondstadt is the city of wind because they worship the God of Anemo." She cuts you off, making you only hum at the action, allowing her to continue.

"So perhaps, because you got the power from the God of Anemo, you can find some clues there. There are also lots of bards there, so perhaps one of them has heard news of your friends."

"That isn't a bad idea, Paimon." You smiled, thankful she was so serious and straightforward with helping you find the twins, something that seemed to be floating around in your head as you took in everything from this new world. She was like an anchor to keep you grounded, and for that, you were extremely thankful to her- beyond words.

"Let's move then!" Obviously happy with your praise at her deduction and planning, though simple, it was a good and steady start- and that's what you needed at this moment.

"The elements in this world responded to your prayers and Paimon thinks that's a lovely sign." She finished, her gaze reaching behind you as some Slimes approached, eyes wide at the intrusion by the elemental mutants. You followed her gaze, finding the flaming creatures to be bouncing right in your direction, your surprise evident on your face.

"Ah, shit." You grumbled, taking a few steps back, your arm starting to stir up with energy. It felt like when you drank too much coffee, to the point where even your limbs were vibrating, wisps of turquoise enveloping your palm on instinct. The small slime soon was sucked into the vortex you had made, swirling around before getting blasted away, back onto the land- over the lake and away from you.

"Ugh, gross." You winced, noticing the slime that coated the land in front of you, and your dominant hand. Wiping your hand, you decided it was best to swim to the other side of the lake, following Paimon as you escaped the burning grasses. You could only laugh as she huffed about wanting "cool fighting powers" as well, reaching the end of the lake and making your way further in.

"You know, it may not be a blessing. Usually powers like these have consequences..." You said, wringing out your hair as the wind started to pick up, but this time it wasn’t by your own hand.

"You shouldn't say that! These powers are a blessing from the Archons and for that you should be grateful! They'd never allow anything bad to happen to the people they've blessed with their own two hands." A low rumble started to echo through the area, making you turn your body and look around for what was causing it as you continued your talk with Paimon.

"I get that... but still, usually the Gods and whatever powerful beings there are have some type of plan along with it- at least that's how it worked in my world."

"Then maybe you should consider our world works differently?" She quips her head.

"A god is a god." You huffed, the rumbling becoming louder before a dragon caught your vision, making you gasp in awe. Six wings, four limbs, a large tail, and decorated in patterns of blues that made it almost blend with the sky if its wings didn't hold an ethereal glow, a white underbelly contrasted with the rest of its body.

"Wow! What is that? There's something huge in the sky!"

"You guys have dragons here?" You exclaimed, walking in its direction to where it flew, making sure to lower your output of noise due to the camps that were littered nearby with humanoid creatures.

"It's heading to the heart of the forest, where we're going, so make sure to be careful." Paimon notes, keeping up with your pace as you jogged into the forest, collected some things along the way that could help in the future. By the time you had reached the forest, you slowed your pace to a comfortable walk, looking around and making sure not to run into anything aggressive- or the dragon you two had just seen.

Maybe it continued flying anyways?

"Huh? Look at that." Paimon pointed in front of the both of you, the grumbling appearing once again.

You were wrong.

Moving to hide behind one of the larger trees, you pressed your back against it before slowly turning your head to look at the scene in front of you, still making sure to keep your noise at the bare minimum. The dragon from before was standing before you, almost cautious of the person that stood before them, a short man dressed in turquoise and white, holding his hands outward to the dragon before him.

"Don't be afraid. It's alright now, I'm back." He spoke gently, ignoring the dangerous growls coming from the beast in front of him. It made you worry at the sight and activate the mask that was embedded into your earpiece, still watching as Paimon spoke up.

"Is he talking... to a dragon?" She questioned, right as your palms lit up with the Anemo power you had just gained, a glowing pattern forming as it burst with life, alerting the dragon and scaring it away with a scream of displeasure.

"Who's there?" The man questioned as he jumped back, his gaze in your direction before taking a few steps back, disappearing in a glow of light. Your hair felt like it was about to be yanked out as the dragon flapped its wings before taking off, leaving you dazed at what had just happened, and headache from the harsh tug. You stood there in shock for a bit, not saying anything as your hand buzzed and fizzled out, focusing on calming down your heart rate- deactivating your mask to breathe better as well.

"That was close! Paimon almost got blown away!" Your guide yelped. "Luckily Paimon managed to grab a hold of your hair! Thanks." She smiled, handed over her heart, and you felt your energy drain immensely in the moment.

"Good thing you didn't pull my hair out." You sighed, rubbing the aching spot to soothe your head as Paimon continued to speak, you following closely behind.

"This definitely has something to do with that weirdo who was talking to the dragon..." She trailed off.

"Is... that normal? Talking to dragons?" You asked, confusion written on your face, wanting to know if this was a common occurrence in this world.

"Of course not. But what's that? There's some kind of shiny red thingy on the rock over there." She pointed out. You both walked over to look at the glowing item, her warnings falling on deaf ears as Paimon spoke about never seeing anything like this before, making unable to help in this specific situation.

"Let's keep this, just in case." You mumbled, your bare hands picking up the gem(?) with ease before packing it into your belt, tucked away safely and unable to escape.

"Good idea, now let's get out of here."

"Agreed." You nodded, deciding to stroll through the forest for a bit, both to rest and catch up on your thoughts, maybe ask Paimon more about this world and how it worked- so you don't seem like a bumbling idiot to the locals. But before you could do any of that, a yell came from behind you, rushed footsteps following at the same time.

"You there! Stop right there!" A girl yelled, jumping across your field of vision off the small pass, dressed in red and white with long brown hair, rolling as she hit the ground before coming back up to a stand.

"..."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #The Missing Guardian: Genshin Impact #genshin impact imagine #x reader #reader insert #queen.writing #gi x reader #gi imagine

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unfortunatelysirius · 4 years

Text

╰☆☆ ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ 𝔾𝕀ℝ𝕃𝔽ℝ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝔻 ☆☆╮ [Sirius Black – Marauders Era] [Part 14]

Previous Installments: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

╰❂╮ prompt ╰❂╮ ☾ ¡Original! ☾ With the perpetrator on their tail, and Sirius’s prejudices no longer something that can be ignored, relationships shatter and a safe way out is near unimaginable. ╰❂╮ author’s note ╰❂╮ Sorry this is so, so late. I hope the installment is to your satisfaction. AND IM SORRY IT’S SO SHORT BUT PLS, FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED AND I’LL BE MORE PROMPT ON UPDATES. Will be updating Chocolate Frogs and Love Notes soon. Tell me if you want added to any of my tag-lists! ╰❂╮ warnings ╰❂╮ Angst, Swearing, Violence ╰❂╮ word count ╰❂╮ 2043 ╰❂╮ tag-list ╰❂╮ @kapolisradomthoughts @rageofcaliban @saucyleftovers @bunnymother93 @siriuslyr5 @apareciumimagines @random-quartz @ruefulposts @seabasstiantrash @starlightspidey @pinkettepoet @peppermintspecks @jiongyongguk @bethanystan @raindancer2004 @where-are-my-gummy-bears @cutebutnotinorcent

IT WAS NEARLY MIDNIGHT, and a disturbing sort of cold Y/N thought she might never experience in her lifetime, shivers up and down her spine within the dark, suffocating corridor. The stars were like silver dewdrops splattered across the navy sky, visible through each old window’s silhouette littered around the castle; with every passing step, Y/N caught another glimpse of Nature’s finest canvas. She was curled into Sirius’s side, squished between his subtly muscled body and James’s near-identical shape, both Remus and Peter trailing the three of them by seconds. It was reminiscent of times that seemed so far away.

Y/N thought it was all too good to be true. Everything, from her and Sirius falling back into same-old, same-old routine like they’d never left the honeymoon phase to James looking quite sullen compared to his usual upbeat, enthusiastic self. She wondered if it was all a twist on reality to make her think things were fine when really, Sirius wasn’t anywhere near, James still hated her, and the Marauders were leading her somewhere to hex and discard their latest “conquest.” It made all the more sense the longer she thought about it, but thoughts of the way Sirius felt—flesh, bone, whole—made her realize she was daft, and just a little bit mad.

He was so obviously here, a living, breathing wonder, and she was trying to make it a mirage. She wanted it that way.

Or maybe she’d just went long enough with things going wrong that miracles seemed far too good to be true.

“I have to meet with Regulus,” murmured Y/N into the quiet air, after the silence became a tad bit too smothering. She was also alert of her own negligence, from her delirious daze to her angry soul’s demands for an apology, as Sirius’s arm looped around her became a bone-crushing reality. Not so much a reality she craved anymore, but one that needed multiple bandages slapped across it; the Muggle way of rekindling old flames and licked wounds. Y/N was beginning to grow agitated and nervous, as this reality crushed down on her. As her newly-put-together world fell apart in the wake of unanswered questions. “He—wants to help. He thinks I was Obliviated.”

Sirius glanced down at her, looking unsure, his own face not betraying the inner turmoil running their world ragged. The two of them didn’t know how to approach their current problem, the one that kept them from falling together as happy memories asked them to; Y/N was afraid of what lay in wait, Sirius’s admittance that he thought so lowly of her that for even a millisecond he thought she might have been a slag, and Sirius dreaded the moment he had to let his betrayal out into the open. Neither of them were willing to ruin their reconciliation by simple, trivial ire, the kind that winded up someone alone and heartbroken, the kind that could get anyone and everyone hurt.

Even the most painful of thoughts were best kept internalized, if it meant staying locked tight in a dream.

Even now, the two of them were so different. Differences Y/N once overlooked in favor of what made them compatible.

“Regulus doesn’t care about anyone except for himself,” Sirius snapped at Y/N, the three Marauders looking nervous in anticipation for the argument to come. “He’s a Slytherin. The bloody git is tricking you.”

“How the fuck would you know?” Y/N was never one for confrontation. This was all new territory. She was tired, and depressed, and dying of questions; she loved Sirius, she did, but he was still the prejudiced, arrogant prat he was before they started dating. He’d always hate Slytherins because he grew up in a world full of snakes that rejected him for being who he was, and maybe that was a drawn line for why they weren’t meant to last. He was the charismatic, hateful railroad tycoon, and she was his subdued wife that tiptoed around his temper. Stupid, foolish—she was letting herself use another goddamned Muggle analogy—Americanized, no less. Maybe Y/N was running low on a lucid mind as much as she was excuses.

He knows nothing about Regulus, she thought anyway, looking into those silver grey eyes she’d always loved. Sirius didn’t. He refused to talk to his brother; maybe Regulus was growing into himself and losing that part of him that preened and prawned from pleasing his parents. If he was scared, if he was determined to find the truth because he wanted to sabotage dark plans, he never once betrayed it. But deep down, there was nothing else rational to explain his motivations, and Y/N knew he was a scared little boy afraid the monsters would someday catch up to him—

And they’d eat him alive like all wolves just so happen to do.

“Regulus is your brother,” continued Y/N. “He doesn’t want to be part of whatever it is your parents do. I can see it in his eyes.”

“You didn’t grow up with him. You didn’t see him do nothing when his brother was lying on the ground, with their father standing above him,” seethed Sirius. “Don’t act like you know him; you sure as hell don’t.”

Y/N felt like crying, as she wrenched herself away from Sirius’s warm, comforting embrace. “Don’t act like you know me,” she spat. Sirius’s jaw fell downwards, a flicker of hurt flitting across his face. “Go mope in your dorm. I’m getting down to the bottom of this, with or without you.”

Sirius was silent. Y/N continued to watch him, imploring him to say something, wishing he wouldn’t just let her leave. If she left, she could get hurt, and Sirius wouldn’t be her knight in shining armor. They went so long in turmoil that Y/N wanted there to be some sort of compromise; if they could argue and fight for so long, the two a mess with their friends on the fence on how to fix them, then they sure as hell could be soft and melted together, too. Maybe they were different, maybe Sirius couldn’t let his old ways go, but truth be told—Y/N always wanted to show him a new perspective.

She’d tried doing that before things went wrong.

“Really, Sirius?” she said now, staring brokenly at him. “We could finally figure this out, and you’re backing down? Really?”

“Whoever’s done this is dangerous,” Sirius told her. His voice had lost all its shake, all its fury, rendered a new sort of mellow Y/N had hardly ever seen from him. He looked like he itched to hold her and reassure he was just an asshat, but his asshat ways betrayed none of his true love for her, or his need to protect her. None, nada, zilch: right? He was a teenage boy, a prat, but he didn’t mean anything out of his pathetically unfiltered mouth. “I want you safe, Y/N. We should leave this to the professors.”

Those words were foreign out of his mouth. Y/N took a heavy breath and she said, “Sirius, do you even hear yourself? Merlin, what’s happened to you?”

“What’s happened to me? Me?” Sirius’s laugh was humorless. “You’re bloody mad.”

“Sirius, Y/N, this isn’t the best time,” said Remus, looking between the two with apprehension.

“This is the best time, Remus,” Y/N said, refusing to look at any of them. She knew Peter was fidgeting; she knew James was gap-mouthed like a pufferfish; she knew Remus was trying to hide his trepidation. She knew Sirius was silently seething. All of them, they weren’t clearly thinking. They didn’t have their nerves together. Y/N was terrified that solving the bottom of the mystery would never come if they fell apart before they came together. But Y/N could no longer go on if her experience with the love of her life was only going to be heartache and pain, two things she had felt since coming to this God-awful school.

You’re not any better than him, thought Y/N, her brain suddenly going to Ashton. He was dead, and she’d never get to see him again; she’d never get to tell him she was sorry, that she never meant to use him, that he was someone she came to love in her desperation to feel. He taught her about love. He taught her that it was okay to be without for a little while because wholes always regain their lost pieces. Maybe he threw her into an abyss after he broke her heart that left her sad and lost of all hope, but now, with her head on her shoulders again, she could safely say he taught her a lot—yet she gained nothing.

Y/N was happy with Sirius, but he did not teach her anything. He was a fun partner in crime, but when it truly came down to life lessons, he wasn’t a teacher; he was along for the ride, a mere passenger in a bus packed to the brim with faces from the crowd.

Standing in the hallway, letting these thoughts wash over her, Y/N could not do this anymore. She needed to find Regulus and reach the climax of this game. Someone was toying with her and her feelings, and if she didn’t put a stop to it, if she didn’t find a way to draw the villain out and stifle the madness, there was no way for her to get peace—and she’d stay stuck in an endless cycle of being a living ghost.

“I can’t anymore, Sirius,” whispered Y/N. “I can’t.”

She turned around and ran.

The Marauders watched after her, one looking horrified, two looking shocked, and the one this mattered to most—he looked heartbroken.

And none of them even bothered to go after her, as the guilt sunk in and they realized—

Was the love-potion maker truly the villain? Or was it them?

Y/N had stopped running after reaching the fourth corridor. She eventually stopped walking altogether. Her pace slowed until it was nonexistent, her harsh, shaking breaths fell into soundless sniffs, her erratic thoughts slowly but surely came to a close. All she could think about now was Regulus, who was waiting at the library for her presence. And that half-blurry, half-familiar memory of a white-haired girl in the very same forest Y/N was in herself

Y/N knew it mattered. She knew she’d been Obliviated, and she was foolish not to go to Headmaster Dumbledore for help in retrieving her memories… but she was a foolish girl, and foolish girls wanted to figure out mysteries by themselves.

“I’m a bloody fool,” mumbled Y/N to herself, clutching her head like that would heal all trace of confusion, as well as her sadness. It wouldn’t, but it felt like it did—so Y/N continued to grope at her temples and scalp. The corridor echoed with spooky creaks and even spookier whistles. Y/N felt regret seep into her bones, as she realized she was still a bit of ways away from the library—and she was totally, utterly, completely alone.

Y/N heard someone laugh.

“You are a bloody fool,” they said.

Out from the end of the corridor emerged a girl, whose entire face and hair were obscured by shadows—but the pretty little patch on her robes had a snake on them. Y/N knew it was a Slytherin. But all she saw was the patch, as her body and face were near invisible—and even then, the patch’s emblazoning was blurry to her. She felt her head grow light, her eyes squinting to see within the darkness. She was so caught in looking at the patch to even pay any regard to the words the stranger spoke or the wand as it lifted, pointing right at Y/N’s chest.

“Who are—”

The girl flicked her wrist. “Stupefy,” she said.

Suddenly Y/N was knocked off her feet by a powerful spell, the backlash sending her head cracking against the corridor wall, rendering her immobile and near-unconscious.

She felt her body crumble, but only half of the way—a steady stream of numbness shooting through her like lightning.

The stranger walked up, a laugh emptying from her mouth.

“Got you!” the girl sang happily.

That was when things went black.

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hell-bound-stories · 4 years

Text

two years

The body jolted awake, coughing up a black tar like liquid, gasping for breath, waking up into a forced existence. They looked around frantically, trying to grasp where they were.

It felt like a small cave, the walls being nothing but various shades of grey. The stalagmites clinging to the ceiling were the only thing in there with them. There was a small tunnel, a way out, but something told them to stay.

The body was small. Red hair and eyes complemented by a pale skin, covered in a brown shaggy cloak. The cloak had a pin of an emblem they didn't recognize holding both sides together. The body knew three things.

They are cold.

They have a headache.

They are dead.

A moment later a stranger walked into the cave, “you’re awake” He seemed so relieved, “you’re actually awake, this is amazing!”

The man pulled a clipboard out from his white coat. The paper attached seemed to be some kind of form, and with a pen in hand he was ready to fill it out. He sat down next to the body.

“What’s your name?”

The body had to think, hard, but something inside of them knew, “Azz”

“Azz?” He wrote down the name, “Interesting”

It was the first name they thought of, like someone else had given it to them. The name felt right, and they didn’t know why.

“Ok, how old are you”

“15” they knew without hesitation, again not quite knowing why.

“Oh” the man paused, a look of sadness washing over him, “so young” he said under his breath. He quickly changed the subject.

“How do you feel?” sadness had left his voice, in favor of curiosity.

“I'm cold, and my head hurts”

The man nodded, jotting those things down on this paper, “The headache is normal, it will go away in a bit, and i'm sorry about the cold, I tired getting you as close to the surface as possible in hopes it would be warmer” He paused, “I guess it didn’t work”

The man scrapped one of his long black claw like fingers against the ground, sparking a flame, a placed it in front of Azz, “This should help for now”

“Whoa” Azz was amazed, looking at their own hands, “When do I get to do that?”

The man chuckled, “in a bit, for now just stay by the fire”

The man was thousands of years old, but next to Azz’s child-like wonder and amazement he somehow felt young again. He went back to his clipboard, looking through the next few lines.

“How did you die?”

“I” Azz paused, starting to panic, “I dont know”

“Good” the man said without hesitation

“Good?” How could that be good?

“Yes” he said happily, “No one remembers how they die, the past can’t touch you now, it's nothing but a fresh start.”

“Oh” That was somewhat nice to hear, but Azz had this lingering feeling that their death was awful and painful. They didn’t know why. They sighed, looking around the cave once more.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in Hell”

They looked around again, “I thought Hell was a city, and bigger”

“It is, but I had to bring you here”

“To…….a cave?” Azz was confused

“It’s a long story” The man kept writing things down as they spoke

“Who are you?”

“The doctor”

“What's your name?”

“The doctor” He began getting up, “Now stand up, I need to get a better look at you”

Azz did as told without hesitation. Once standing they both realized just how small Azz actually was. They were at least two feet smaller than the doctor.

“Oh my, you’re even smaller than I thought” He walked a circle around Azz, “Just barely six feet”

“Hey, i'm not small!”

“I’ve never seen a demon so small before, I didn’t know this was possible” He was truly amazed. Azz however was not.

“I. am. Not. SMALL” Azz stomped the ground, causing the whole cave to shake, some rocks coming loose from the ceiling, falling to the floor below. Such a simple comment had made them uncontrollably upset. The doctor was taken back.

“But you’re still just as strong as you're supposed to be! And your horns and tail seemed to be controlled by emotion, this is incredible!” The doctor was ecstatic, taking notes on his clipboard as fast as possible.

Azz hadn’t even noticed the two small horns that came out of his head, and the long tail coming from his back. The doctor got closer to get a better look at both.

“The end of your tail is normal, but its so thin, and your horns” He didn’t know what to think, “They are so small as well, and the wrong colour” He was truly amazed.

“A thousand years in Hell and you are the strangest demon I’ve ever seen”

“Mm” Azz didn’t like hearing any of this, “Why don’t you just make a list of everything wrong with me!” So far Azz hated being dead, and they were only 30 minutes old.

“Oh dear boy I already am!”

“I'm not a boy” Azz growled under his breath.

“To start it's a miracle you’re even dead! With fire as weak as yours you should have been nothing but the husk of a hollow!” The doctor's happiness was really starting to piss Azz off, “Everyone got mad at me for believing in you, keeping you around, no one thought you were going to make it but here you are!”

“Wait” Azz’s anger turned to sorrow, “I wasn’t even here, and people already knew they didn’t want me?” This feeling felt too familiar, and Azz didn’t like it.

“Well” The doctor paused, thinking, “that doesn’t matter now, what matters is that you are here, and the universe has big plans for you I know it. Satan will be more than happy to hear about you.” This did little to make Azz feel better.

“Come on, I want to examine you more at my office in the city, here” He lifted the fire off the floor, and placed it in Azz’s hands.

“OOOOOO” Azz’s eyes lit up like stars, “im holding FIRE” now this made Azz feel better.

The doctor chuckled, “yes, yes you are, no come on” He led Azz out of the cave towards the city. The walk was only a few minutes, but the cold made it feel like a lifetime. The fire did little to heat Azz up.

“I thought Hell was hot”

“That's what everyone says”

The walk through the city was the worst time in Azz’s 45 minute life. Everyone in the city avoided them like the plague. Azz had no idea why, but the Doctor knew. Like an invisible force pushing everyone away, no one got close to them. People gave Azz awful, disgusting looks as they went by. No one knew them, but they didn’t need to know they didn’t like them. Azz kept their head down, following the doctor's tail as they went.

“Why is everyone avoiding us?” Azz wanted to know, but deeply feared the answer.

“People..” the doctor paused, thinking of the best way to word it, “They can tell you’re special”

Azz hated that word, “I'm not special” they said to them self.

They approached a simple white building in what felt like the center of the city. It was slightly smaller than the buildings surrounding it, but it still towered over Azz. It had two windows near the top, and a simple door.

“This is my office” The doctor said, unlocking the door and leading the way inside.

Inside was a white sterile room. In the middle against the wall was a simple one person medical bed. With various tools on the wall surrounding it. The other side of the room housed a small desk, covered in papers. Behind the desk were come cabinets with counter space and a sink, with cabinets above them too. In the far back of the room was a door with a lock, next to it on the wall was various old plague masks. In the corner by the door was what looked like a dog bed, with some white round creature sleeping peacefully on top. The room was warmer, but not as warm as Azz would have liked.

“This is a small doctors office” Azz said, looking around the room, taking note of the jar of lollipops on the desk, and grabbing one to have.

“I like simplicity” The doctor said as he also walked over to the desk, looking through one of the drawers, “I have a living space upstairs with an extra room, you will stay there” He handed Azz a key.

“Ugh, I have to live with you?” This was the only demon Azz knew, but that didn’t mean they liked him.

“Yes well you don't have a choice” He walked over to the bed in the middle of the room, “now sit”

“Why do I need to sit?”

“So we can begin your first check up”

#hellbound #Azz and the doctor

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bunny-banana · 4 years

Note

I'd love to hear a director's commentary on La leggenda di Niccolo please :D Have a star as well ⭐

HA! Okay well, I’ll talk about the sections that I actually wrote so here it comes:

Chap 1

Engulfed in the never ending masses of water, he reckoned one should feel intimidated. No ground under his feet, only limited amounts of air to his disposal, and the uncertainty of what lies within the darker corners of the ocean should normally frighten you. And yet, he never felt more at peace than when he was floating so freely in the sea, almost as if gravity and the world outside didn’t exist

the fucking IRONY of me writing this while being deadly afraid of deep water. its honestly like “yeah,,,,, lemme list all the things i personally hate about deep sea…. and lets add ‘well, but theres something good too about that for sure,,,i guess,,,, ”

But what was more important for me was this contrast to what Ermal dreams about, his lowkey fantasy - and where he is irl, the icy south pole. I’m rather fond of opposing things/contrasts.

The soldier breathed heavily in and out, but there was no time to rest as the next blaze of fire was aimed at him.He countered and evaded but his opponent was more forceful, his flames harsher, faster until the soldier’s back hit the cold railing. He was caught, and when his opponent mercilessly stroke once more, he knew he had to save himself by escaping into the cold water.The man remaining on the top deck smirked. Ah yes, he’d almost assume those new soldiers were just too easy to take on even if only for practice reasons, but it pleased him more to say that he still got it.

i really hope this introduction just tells you everything you need to know about Renga’s character.

How much sooner the war could have been won had it not been for the Poles!

While actually reflecting on the universe, i realised, it must be incredibly difficult for firebenders on the poles. like, I just assume they really, really arent fit for the cold which would make invading incredibly difficult for them. also lol, renga hates it at the poles obviously.

Shaking so hard that kids ran towards their mothers and the watchtower fell over and when the fog cleared up, Ermal felt his stomach drop. ”No.”

Nothing, absolutely, nothing in that universe is more frightening than seeing the Fire Nation military pull up to your doorstep.

Also, lmao, love to imagine Rinald quietly going “oh nooo my watchtower D:”

Ermal pushed himself through the crowd until he was right in front of everyone, until he was the last barrier between the Fire Nation soldiers and the village.

Ermal has Strong Opinions™ about the Fire Nation, with reasons of course, and seeing them here is the absolute nightmare to him.

“You mean the Avatar that disappeared off the face of the Earth? The one that nobody has ever seen and that was probably never even reborn? That Avatar?”And if his cockiness gave off a certain invitation to smash his face in, then this was perhaps a little bit Ermal’s fault.

to quote the Smiths: Bigmouth Strikes Again!

“B-but he’s- he’s so young? I swear to the Fire Lord, if this is yet another trick then-”

Chap 2

Niccolò had always been in awe of the Fire Nation’s advanced industrial sector. The machinery that originated from the Nation had always had cutting edge quality which no one in the world could quite imitate nor match. This ship however was beyond anything Niccolò had ever seen. This ship was fully steam-driven with the powerful motors roaring under his feet. And those weren’t the only novelties.Steel processed so professionally that it makes impenetrable walls and doors which opened and closed only through quite sophisticated lock mechanisms. It all looked so modern, it all looked so futuristic.

so the idea was, since Nic had missed an entire century, the ship looked super modern to him. while its a canon fact that the FN is quite advanced with machinery, the ship itself is just to an up-to-date standard. But to Niccolo personally it seemed futuristic. i like the idea of him being amazed at things he has never seen in his life just to find out they’re pretty common in the current timeline.

There was not much time left, Niccolò had to think quickly. Extremely convenient how his nose started tickling right in that moment.The powerful sneeze that followed had two consequences: One, the guard in front of him was catapulted straight into the metal door of the cell, rendering him unconscious.Two, Niccolò and the guard behind him were also forcefully pushed back to the other end of the corridor, crashing into the hard wall.Well, at least the guard did. The young airbender was spared that fate, by that nice pillow the guard turned out to be, so he quickly got onto his feet and ran as fast as he could with his hands tied behind his back.

so yeah ngl, this was just copied from the OG ep

Now that his hands were freed, he opened the first door that presented itself to him, but in front of him, he simply saw the quarters of General Renga who stared at his now roaming prisoner in shock. Okay, time to turn around, it seems.

listen, i just love the thought of overconfident General Renga being so shellshocked to see his prisoner escaping that he just gapes at him. And ofc Nic slamming the door shut immediately jsfkld

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Niccolò cursed as he evaded a burst of fire that was aimed at him before taking the next corner “Where’s the exit?! Where’s the goddamn exi- AH!! A DOOR!!” He pulled it open to reveal a startled guy sitting there just minding his own business. An unexpected sight, with an even more unexpected odor following. “Oh? uhm- Sorry man! Just- just take your time! Also, perhaps light a candle when you’re done. Bye!” The young Avatar swiftly apologised as he closed the door of what was most definitely not an exit.

Fav OC so far! That simple FN dude was just trying to take a dump in peace but who would have known that all hell would break lose and the goddamn Avatar of all people would walk into him smh. Also, I really enjoyed the thought of while this is all hectic and dangerous, Nic still being human enough to go like “oh, my bad! sorry dude!” at this random soldier. Who knows, maybe we should bring that one back some time later. And i kinda wanted the whole escape to be funny, since its Nic’s POV, and it just wouldnt suit his carefree spirit to make this super serious (yet).

“I’ll give you that, hiding for so long was sort of impressive.” Niccolò heard Renga’s voice behind him as the General had caught up with him.

almost wrote “century” there but then remembered nah omg he can’t know yet

A piece of ice may or may not have also hit Renga straight into the face but nobody would complain about that anyway.

yeah i just love the thought of this super dramatic scene of Nic entering the Avatar State and then theres a chunk of ice knocking Renga unconscious lmao get fucked, dude

“Nic!” Ermal ran towards the slowly decreasing water pillar to catch the unconscious airbender in the last second, dropping to his knees in the process. That was beyond anything anybody of that age should normally be capable of. That was beyond what any waterbender could ever be capable of. And yet, lying in his arms, Niccolò looked so exhausted, so weak. Just like any other kid. Not a trace from the sheer force that was unleashed moments earlier.

I think this was really the moment Ermal started feeling real responsibility over Niccolo. Just seeing him do all these crazy things and yet being reminded that this huge burden of being the Avatar is literally thrusted upon a simple kid. Also, this is the first time he called him “Nic”

Various noises and sounds buzzed through the air that afternoon: The loud shoveling of snow from the bow, the quieter crackling emerging from the hands of the firebenders who were melting their frozen compatriots, the fast steps rushing left and right over the ship. All these different sounds were heard, but none of them were chattering. Nobody dared to chat. Not after this disastrous defeat. What a disgrace that had been, General Renga thought grinding his teeth.

Everybody on this goddman ship is just scared shitless that Renga will roast them if they so much like whisper. they know he moody, they know he’ll blame them for the avatar’s escape. so lets all just work and repair shit and keep quite.

When he found consciousness again, he was left with not only one horrendous purple bruise on his face, but also with a half destroyed ship.

jdsfksajfklf OK SO YEAH, my first intention was “lmao let a piece of ice hit him” but then i realised “oh wait he’d have a bruise afterwards” and then “LMAOOOO he’d be like Zuko, how perfect is that” ok so granted, unlike our dear fire prince, Renga’s bruise is only temporary, but i really hoped someone would pick up the connection to Zuko

Whatever had happened to the Avatar earlier, it left a colossal mark on the ship, and secretly, on Renga personally too. He might have gotten fooled once, but he wouldn’t get fooled again.

basically, he feels personally insulted about being beaten by a kid. what a loser lmao

“Martino!”

“Y-yes, General?” stuttered the lanky assistant with the askew glasses, clenching his hands around his writing board. One would think you’d get used to Renga’s harsh tone over time, but that was simply not the case..

rip martino but renga absolutely needed a poor anxious assistant whom he could terrorise

“We need the best of the best to defeat him. And I just know the right choice for that job…”

heeeeheeee ….. no comment ..for now. but im curious to what you guys think about that

Thank you so much! this was a lot of fun to do ! :)

#ALLDN #my fics

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solaneceae · 5 years

Text

MFKZ OS 8 : Star

Sundays were boring, rainy ones even more so. Not that both Vinz and Angelino usually cared much about going outside, but still.

So here they were, the skeleton mindlessly scribbling down some runes (“What’re those for?” “Mostly wealth and productive energy. I was hoping Pipo could give me a raise soon…” “Heh, right, like that’d happen.”) while his hybrid friend kept mashing the TV remote, flicking from channel to channel in search for something other than shitty reality shows.

Angelino grunted. “Fucking commercials everywhere. We get it, we’re broke, stop getting up in our faces about it!”

“Try to find a cooking show or something.” Vinz suggested, not tearing his eyes away from his work.

His roomate smirked. “While watching Ramsay roasting the shit out of people is hilarious, I don’t feel like being shown fancy food I could never have.”

He sighted, flopping sideways into the couch, and kept mashing the remote. The hothead next to him made a frustrated noise and glared at him.

“- Dude, stop moving so much! You made me mess up that line! Now it won’t work!

- Aw, did I… ruin your rune ?

- UUUUURGH. I’m going on the roof. Don’t let the roaches eat my cereals this time.”

Vinz picked up his stuff, bitching about cheap puns and esotherical shit, then left the flat flipping Lino off. The other responded in kind, snorting. “Drama queen.”

The half-alien dragged his attention back to the TV and lost his smile. Right there on the screen was a familiar brown, humanoïd bat, showing off his gold collar and tacky sunglasses, in the middle of overly sexualized women. He was… singing, maybe? Something about money and whatever element he’d picked in the periodic table this time.

Angelino groaned in annoyance. Really? Willy still hadn’t gone down from his fame rush?

“Whatever. Give it a few more weeks and his crew will kick him to the sidewalk.” he thought.

That was one of this universe’s law, a constant: nobody could stand the whiny bat for more than a few months. Hell, Vinz and him were his kinda-friends, and even they couldn’t take his bullshit for more than a few hours a week. Especially Vinz.

Plus… the hothead was still pissed at him for pussying out that one time, leaving them both bruised and bloody, at the mercy of-

The hybrid changed the channel. Nope. Let’s think about something else.

That one was a music channel too, but a less obnoxious one. Hm, old-school pop music. He could live with that. He propped his feet on the coffee table and grabbed a few Froot Loops out of Vinz’s bowl. No one will ever know. Without even looking up, he tossed them to the ceiling with a flick if his hand.

They didn’t come back down. Only the sound of thousands of tiny, chitinous bodies above him, and a little crunching noise. That’s right. Feed, my children, feed!

As the minutes passed, Lino found himself getting into the upbeat, repetitive music. Head bobbing up and down, socked feet twitching to the beat, eyes closing of their own volition. Fingers tapping on the rough fabric of the couch.

He couldn’t help himself; even the shittiest music could get him in that state if it had a decent beat going for it. Stop thinking about anything for once, slipping into mindless motions…

He didn’t remember getting up, didn’t remember starting to lightly swing his hips from side to side. But he didn’t care, because it just felt nice.

*****

Vinz was doomed. He was so doomed.

This was supposed to be a normal day, y’know? He was supposed to come back to the flat and keep being bored out of his mind with his best friend until they both passed out on the couch. A typical sunday, like countless other sundays before it.

Yet there he was, frozen stiff in the doorway, his flames turning bright green because fucking Lino was dancing in the middle of the living room and he-

That was so...

Fucking...

AAAAAAAAH-

Well that was awkward. He didn’t know if he should to turn back and leave or make himself known. Lino had his eyes closed, features lax, so he probably wouldn’t spot him for a while. Part of him thought that a mortified Lino would be cute funny to see. Another wanted to record the scene for later use as blackmail material (“This is payback for using me as a barbecue, you little shit!”).

As for the last part… well, he hadn’t seen Lino so relaxed in a while. He should let him have his fun while it lasted…

Unfortunately, fate -that bitch- had her own agenda and didn’t let Vinz settle on a decision before the oblivious hybrid yelped and lost his balance, a stray pencil having rolled under his heel.

That day ended with Angelino nursing a mild concussion (courtesy of the coffee table) and yelling at Vinz to stop leaving his shit everywhere, while the latter apologized profusely.

“Or maybe don’t dance with your eyes closed. Dumbass.” the hothead thought.

TL;DR

Vinz: *panics in gay*

so ya im trying to get back into this since all OSs were already planned out a while ago... sorry for those who wanted this earlier. also sorry for those who didn’t want this at all. actually im not really sorry so anyway im back to my bullshit have fun *YEETs herself into the void*

#mfkz #mutafukaz #vingelino

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svt-energyskincare · 6 years

Text

“fruit boy?”

ten? the boy whom hates fruits w a fuming flame? what happens when he meets the girl who works at the local juice bar? hMMmm (warning: this is about to be the most cheesiest+extrA thing ever but omg bUT IDC LESGOOO LOL)

✭ ten is a man who despises fruits more than anything in his life

✭ this is literally fact #6 in the 1st chapter of the FACT BOOK

✭ i mean everybody and their momma’s know that ten despises fruits, he can drink fruit juice, but if it’s raw fruit ….. bye sweetie!

✭ he was the kid that always picked fries instead of fruits for the side in his happy meal

✭ and tbh, he’ll always be like that at heart

✭ but his best friend johnny literally is the opposite

✭ kiddo who would always order the fruits, and even snatched the fruit in other’s happy meal when they weren’t looking, the fries who ?? kid

✭ and tbh, he’ll always be like that at heart too

✭ so whenever johnny and ten had a day of rehearsing or recording ahead of them w the rest of da boys, they would almost always make a stop at the local juice bar in the morning

✭ which of course, always resulted in a thicc groan from ten bc where’s the green tea

✭ which always resulted in a retort from johnny saying “well they have gReeN aPple smOoThiEs iF yOu aCtuAlLy liKed fRuitS”

✭ they always had (yes, h a d) to go to that particular juice bar because not only was it convenient since the sm building was right next to it

✭ but also to avoid them having to buy completely new phones bc the rest of the boys were actually blowing their phones up if they didn’t get what they wanted, which johnny didn’t want bc the boy’s already dropped his phone enough give him a break boys lol:(

✭ doyoung: guys, are you at the juice bar?

✭ ten: no

✭ johnny: no

✭ renjun: no i saw them leave!

✭ ten: RENJUN

✭ johnny: no guys we’d have to drive like 30 minutes back to get your drinks

✭ renjun: ah c’mon we’ll get you guys walkers if you get us some

✭ chenle: LOLOL

✭ renjun: get it? cause they’re old hAHAH

✭ kun: i feel attacked and that wasn’t even for me

✭ winwin: aw i want some smoothies :(

✭ haechan: what’s manager hyung’s number again? hmm..

✭ ten+johnny: …….

✭ ten+johnny: ………..

✭ ten+johnny: ……………… fine

✭ mark: can i get a banana smoothie!

✭ doyoung: could i get caramel americano pls n thx

✭ yuta: but they don’t have those

✭ doyoung: wHA

✭ taeyong: yogurt smoothie!

✭ ot7: oh! could i-

✭ ten+johnny: oKAY

✭ as for johnny and ten, if they didn’t already cop their coffee elsewhere, they would always order the same ol thing and luckily, this place was one of those places that was technically a juice bar, buuuuut ofc it had other stuff like milkshakes, smoothies, etc- but hey not complaining thO

✭ so johnny’s usual: tbh he doesn’t have 1 bc when i tell u that the boy is a full on beverage (and coffee) connoisseuR-

✭ ten’s usual: a plain yogurt smoothie with 2 lil muffins (well actually it’s not really a muffin … it’s lowkey a lil cupcake but ten likes to call it muffin, so if he says it’s a muffin, muffin it is amirite)

✭ and usually the workers at the place memorized their orders AND the rest of the members by now bc of how often they came, so they wouldn’t even have to tell em! would ya look at that

✭ however on this particular day, there was one worker who had never looked so confused in her whole life

✭ who is this confused as hELL gal u ask????

✭ correct! yes sweetie, it’s you :’)

✭ it was your first shift at the juice bar and honestly you were sO NERVOUS

✭ but luckily, your coworkers were p chill and nice and willing to help you out whenever you needed !! yay 4 friendly coworkers

✭ you were spacing out, listening to the music they had faintly playing in the background as you waited for the first customers to come in for what felt like forever

✭ well, it was 6am afterall

✭ snapping you out of your daydream or morning dream whatever tf you wanna call it, your coworker eagerly shook the absolute hell out of your arm and started whisper-yelping

✭ ”oh my god they’re back!”

✭ ”what? who?”

✭ ”oh my god! this is the best morning of my life!”

✭ “you’re freaking me out what are y-”

✭ “joHNNY AND TEN ARE-”

✭ before you could ask anything else, literally all your coworkers scrambled to their stations and started making smoothies like their life depended on it and you’re like uhhHHH wtf are y’all doiN

✭ but that’s when you glanced up at the two boys walking in, and you honestly were stunned for a hot minute

✭ you knew who they were, of course you did, everyone did are u KIDDING

✭ but you literally wanted to pinch yourself because they legitimately looked like WALKING 3D SIMS W/ ALL THE PRETTY CC LOL

✭ prettiest boys you’ve ever seen with your own two eyes? you betcha!

✭ they weren’t even looking at the menu, but rather their phones and you could hear them groan lmAo and believe me you tried your best not to stare at them, but your eyes were like what did u say? disregard what u just said and continue to stare? okay!

✭ luckily a few moments later, they finally stopped groaninG and went to the front to order

✭ ”good morning! what can i get for you?” you asked johnny w the biggest smile you could muster up from your immense lack of sleep from the first day nerves… and oh! also! how could i forget, the iNTENSE nervousness of talking to these 2 sims lmao

✭ there was a silence in the air bc your coworkers were trying to stop from revealing their giddyness, but tragically failing which made johnny and ten lose focus and laugh ever so cutelY about it

✭ ”i’ll have a strawberry milkshake wiiiith….” johnny said, tapping his finger on the counter debating whether or not if it was too early for a sugar rush (also yes, he did just order a milkshake at 6 in the morning. did someone say ICON)

✭ ”whipped cream?” you asked which made johnny bust out the biggest smile

✭ ”how’d you know!”

✭ ”oh come on, a shake without whipped cream? that even sounds wrong”

✭ ”you read my mind!” johnny said in between laughs and handed you the amount of money for the coffee

✭ at this point tbh you didn’t feel that nervous anymore surprisingly, like something about johnny just made you feel sO comfy?? he was so friendly and welcoming bIH HE’S AMAZIN

✭ and yup, just when you thought your nerves were gonna pack their bags and go tf home ….. ten pops out from behind johnny like one of those wind up toys w/ the jumpscare just waiting to happen

✭ as soon as you saw him, your nerves literally said LMAO U THOUGHT, OUR FLIGHT ISN’T UNTIL TOMORROW

✭ you finally met eyes with him, and you swear to gOD that he hypnotized you

✭ what were those …. galaxies in his eyes ??? they sparkled just like the stars did

✭ and little did u know, ten was like muffin who ??? he didn’t even know what the hell that was, he was too busy thinking about how pretty u weRE

✭ also did i mention that ten is literally your biggest crush? no? OOPS OK ANYWAYS

✭ ”s-sorry” you managed to blurt out with the shyest smile ever, followed by regret bc you realized you lowkey blew your cover lol

✭ ”what can i get for you?”

✭ ”i’ll have 2 double chocolate chip muffins please” he said with the cutest smile ugh

✭ “oh and one of those macaroons! the chocolate one” he added, standing on his tippytoe’s to point over the glass im:(((

✭ ten’s smile never left his face and the more you looked at him, you noticed how confident n not shy he was, so you were like HHHHokay y/n, you gotta step tf UP DON’T U DARE TURN INTO A RED ASS APPLE

✭ oh and speaking of apples

✭ just a lil after you took ten’s order, you heard footsteps coming up from behind you

✭ you’d recognize those scary high heel clicks anywhere hHH your manager was coming to check on how you were doing

✭ and with a cringe to your eyebrows, you huffed and gave in before you could get in trouble on your first day

✭ ”oh, would you guys like to try our new morning … madness smoothie?” you asked them as u could practically feel the manager burning a hole into your head by how intensely they were glaring at yoU

✭ oof you cringed at the damn name of the thing, they sure did notice and started piecing 2 and 2 together

✭ just when you thought you’d done your part of promos, your manager “AHEM”’d you, signaling that you, indeed, were wrong again

✭ “uh- it has strawberries, apples, oranges-”

✭ as you were listing the painstakingly lengthy ingredients to them, ten’s expression changed from that cute lil smile, to an almost in pained, scared look?? OMG

✭ but to your surprise when you were done reciting the declaration of independence, he piped up with a quick ”sure!”

✭ both you and johnny looked at each other with this shook (is that still a thing?bye) expression at his sudden excited tone, johnny looking more “what the fick???” than you were

✭ before you could even say anything, ten slid over his money to a very much confused you, nodding with a look that read ‘go ahead hun’ :’(

✭ you did your thang on the register, and in the bg you could hear your manager walking back into the back-room, which made you make an obvious huff of relief

✭ ”dude why’d you order that?” you managed to hear johnny whisper to ten

✭ ”mm?”

✭ ”you-”

✭ ”hyung, shhh it’s okay” ten said a lil too loud

✭ ”hm?” you piped in, curious as to why they were bickering in asmr

✭ you noticed ten patting johnny’s back, but almost in a way where he was like ‘don’T SPILL THE TEA’ you know what i mean? but they both just shook their heads to you w/ a smile, reassuring you it was ‘nothing’

✭ as you and your coworkers worked on their orders, ngl you’d occasionally glance over at them and it legit looked like they were sharing some kinda juicy secreT bc whenever you’d look, johnny always had this cheeky smile on his face looking at ten

✭ after you finished their orders and your coworkers finished the rest of the memorized members orders, you called them up to get them in which they hurriedly rushed to the counter in the softest way (idk how them walking could be soft BUT IT IS)

✭ ”thank you!” they said in unison, making the lil awk tension break again

✭ they grabbed their drinks and food which made u kinda :( bc when will u see them again -sigh-

✭ ten looked at his phone, checking the time you assumed bc when he put his phone back in his pocket he looked #panickedt

✭ ”ah hyung we’re gonna be late. well, thanks again!” ten said to you, definitely not forgetting to shoot you another heart clenching smile

✭ “thank you, have a nice day guys!” you smiled back

✭ then you shared that same look from before, all heart stricken and iSH OOF, ten had to snap out of it quick or else the rest of the members would kick his booty for being late

✭ ten wasn’t one to be shy of showing his feelings, like he absolutely thought you were beautiful and he couldn’t help but lük, but the manager was gonna pop off if they didn’t leave so-

✭ ”you go ahead, i gotta get the straws real quick” johnny called out to him before the door closed to the juicery

✭ you handed him a straw from behind the counter to him, which he shook his head at ??????

✭ bih u were confused as hecc

✭ johnny gave you this certain look and you just knew what it meant, see from the get-go y’all had a bond!1

✭ johnny sensed the tension between you and ten the second he ordered, like it was undeniably obvious and he knew you knew, and you knew that he knew, and he knew that you knew that he-

✭ that look he gave you gave that away rip!

✭ you stood there like hhhhh what what wh-

✭ he laughed and leaned over the counter, and in the most nonchalant, yet all-telling tone he said:

✭ ”he doesn’t like fruit”

✭ and with a smirk and a wave, he was outtie

✭ BIH YOU WERE LIKE ??!!? but realistically telling yourself like ‘huh well that’s odd, wonder why he bought it then’ and ‘he probably got it for johnny’

✭ at first you really didn’t think anything of it other than the fact that he was trying 2 be a sweetie pie, but your coworkers who so eagerly were bombarding you with screenshots in your work gc (they were your mini nct skhH) strongly disagreed

✭ what were these screenshots you ask?? well-

✭ ‘Y/N’

✭ ‘Y/N ANSWERRR’

✭ ‘WHAT, WHAT I MISS’

✭ ‘YOU’RE LITERALLY VIRAL’

✭ ‘WHAT’

✭ ‘HAVE YOU BEEN ON TWITTER’

✭ ‘NO WTF’

✭ (3 attachments: screenshots of tweets saying:)

“OP was at the juice bar earlier and saw Johnny and Ten! 😭 They said that the girl asked if they wanted a fruit smoothie, and Ten said yes!”

“OMG ten ordered fruit????? he doesn’t do that?????”

“life goal: to be the cashier at the juice bar who literally got ten to buy a fruit smoothie”

✭ ‘WHAT IS THIS I DON'T GET IT’

✭ ‘dude… they literally think ten has a crush on you’

✭ ‘LOL’

✭ ‘WE’RE SERIOUS, JUST GO ON TWITTER’

✭ and your mini nct’s weren’t lying… literally your mentions were blowing tf up with a bunch of “omg! found her @” and “girl wtf you’re famous”

✭ but like….. you still didn’t get why people thought he had a crush on you based on that little interaction because it just was so minisicule to you, but as if twitter was trying to virtually smack you in the face, the tweets starting flowing in again

✭ this time, about people’s conversations with ten at a recent fansign omg

✭ “OP asked Ten about why he got fruit at the juice bar, and he just looked at her and smiled, and said ‘shhhhh’?”

✭ “OP asked Ten if he liked fruit now since he recently bought some, and he replied immediately ‘no no no, of course not’ ?!”

✭ one word…… WHY

✭ not only did you have all these tweets flowing in to convince you otherwise, you just remembered what johnny said to you before he left and nOW you’re like ……. okay what tf is up, it’s just fruit what is going on, why and where-

✭ oof you just couldn’t wrap your head around as to why it was such a big deal online, and it was truly bugging you and it’s not like you could ask them again what he meant

✭ 1, because you were too shy n nervous to

✭ 2, because you didn’t know if they would come back to the shop

✭ deep sighs all around my dude :(((

✭ those two always went to that shop, mostly in the mornings you heard

✭ and since you’d been working a little under a month there now, your boss started to schedule you for shifts where you didn’t need a supervisor anymore, which were 12 times out of 10 in the evening bc they were always lacking on those shifts

✭ so honestly, you haven’t worked a morning shift since your first day, the day you saw ya boys

✭ ........... (yes u knew this was comin)

✭ until one of your coworkers had to call off last minute on their shift and you were the worker they called in, that is ;))))

✭ boi when u got the call to come in, you got so !!!!! because what if you saw them again

✭ you missed them, johnny was so funny and you felt like you guys got along so easily almost instantly

✭ and ten, he’d always been your crush even before you talked to him, so that whole thing- your heart never failed to yodEl whenever you thought about him

✭ yes, they were idols, and yes you had been a fan, yes the encounters were short and probably seemed small to others

✭ but you couldn’t help it, ya know?

✭ anywho, the morning came for you to take on that shift and man were u nervous lmao

✭ when you got to work, literally only one other coworker was there with you

✭ as soon as you flipped that sign on the door from closed to open, OOO IT WAS GAME TIME

✭ the game plan: if they come back, try your best to ask them, i mean u gotta at least try, especially since the whole twitter thing AND let’s not forget why johnny felt the need to tell you what he did, you hAd to know

✭ the morning went slow, and it was raining too, so it was slower than usual since rainy days were obviously chill in dayzzz

✭ so you just tidied up around the place and waited, even did that thing people do in the movies where they look out the window while it’s raining while a slow song is playing in the bg …… except you were just staring out the window from the counter to the pop that was playing in the shop lol

✭ it wasn’t until mid 7 am that people started coming where you could finally stop acting like you were in a dilemma in the newest drama

✭ it was pretty steady then, you took orders, made them, served them, then tidied up, daydreamed out the window, basically on repeat for the rest of your shift

✭ you were on lunch break FINALLY, you swore u were gonna pass out from boredom if you heard the same pop song you daydreamed to three times already

✭ you sat along the chairs on the side of the shop, just sipping your drink, going through your phone awaiting the time for your rinse and repeat routine to get back into play *sigh*

✭ the quiet aura of the shop suddenly got interrupted as the bell rang chAoTically, followed by the squeakiest footsteps

✭ ”hyung, we shoulda brought two umbrellas”

✭ ”it’s not my fault i was blessed with this heavenly height”

✭ ”oof”

✭ your head perked up as you heard those voices, those familiar voiceS U MISSED :(

✭ you looked over and there you saw them :(

✭ ten and johnny :( right there :(

✭ their hair was just a little dampened from the rain, little water droplets on their cheeks, and their typical banter :(

✭ then all of a sudden you remembered the pact you made to yourself; “if you see them again, you gotta at least try to ask them” or else you’d forever be mAd at yourself

✭ the thing is, how tf are you gonna get their attention ??

✭ like do you just walk up to them like ‘hey!!!’ ??? like you weren’t even sure if they even would remember you omg

✭ oh lordt you could hear their voices getting closer and closer, why did it have to be raining and why did people have to camp out here for the free wiFI, there were like 5 seats open and they just so happened to be next to you wHY

✭ next thing ya know, you heard them sit to the side of you, just a few seats down

✭ ”where are they?”

✭ ”dunno, they said they’re coming”

✭ ”they said that 10 minutes agO”

✭ ”aish lucas”

✭ then again, you heard the door push open abruptly like an emergency and then another squeaky shoe sliding across the floor

✭ …. and sure as hell that was lucas and also a cheerful haechan following him

✭ they looked around adorably confused, probably looking for the 2 sims to ur rigHT

✭ you were trying not to glance at them but ugh timing ficking hates u! so when you looked up, they were already on their way to johnny and ten to the side of you

✭ when you looked up, lucas looked at you and he immediately smiled like his whole being softened a bit which made you uwu!

✭ but haechan on the other hand kinda froze in his tracks, and glanced crazy fast back and forth between you and behind you

✭ there were no words exchanged, but rather looKs exchanged bc haechan was looking at you with a look that he knows what’s going on, whATEVER THAT IS

✭ you couldn’t see it but ten and johnny were both confused as ever too, but now you could feel their stares burning into your fricken back just like your manager’s that day they came in sksk

✭ they literally actually gasped and scooted their chairs out

✭ ”hey!!! long time no see!!” johnny pops up in front of you with the biggest smile

✭ ”we’ll get the stuff ready in the car. meet us kay?” they all scurried out way too obviously quick, they didn’t even order yet i’m skAHAH

✭ leaving you and ten to each other on the benches in this tension of silence

✭ yes you heard me right, JUST you and ten

✭ these sneaky boys smh

✭ you and ten shared a mutual “???!!?” how obv could it be sksjdjdif

✭ ”so-”

✭ ”hey-”

✭ you both cut each other off which caused you to blush the same way you both did that day AWW

✭ you weren’t sure if ten would even know about how big your guys’ lil interaction became bc you weren’t sure if he even checked the internet

✭ but oh honey, he was all aware.. the amount of times it was brought up at the fansigning!1

✭ in a panic to fill the awkward silences that was inevitable to happen, you nervously and impulsively blurted out ”so, how come you don’t like fruit?” omGF

✭ he just started chEESIN and laughing to himself and you were like ???!!!

✭ “i couldn’t help myself!”

✭ “how come?”

✭ “you know!”

✭ “no, what is it!”

✭ “ah no, you know” he started teasing you omg

✭ “ten :(“ (yes you could hear the frown in your tone loL)

✭ “wah, you know my name?” he clutched his heart and leaned back like the drama queen he is

✭ “hey! don’t change subject!”

✭ but no matter how many times you asked, this baby would just sip his drink and give you the look (which by the way, your coworkers were on iT like, they brought out his drink as soon as the others left im???)

✭ yes, you know what look i’m talking about. the one where his eyebrows wiggle, and he’s staring at you like he knows some piping tea sister!

✭ he isn’t gonna budge, he’s taking that one to the grave, but honestly he just is teasing you because he really has 0 problem with telling you that he really got the fruit because he thought you were really pretty and he noticed you were getting nervous bc of your manager behind you and he didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, so he bought it despite his hatred for fruiT , but he just thought it was cute how huffy you got JSJS

✭ and ten is def one to pick up a fruit cup, pose for a pic with it, and then immediately drop it, shaking his head in TERROR

✭ so yes, someone who doesn’t like fruit bought a fruit smoothie, maybe it’s no biggie.... but if it’s at the level of fear as ten???

✭ the difference is stARK

✭ interrupting your back in forth playful nagging chat with ten, in popped a hurried haechan with his head peeking out the front door

✭ “hyung, could you hurry up and talk to your girl, manager hyung is going to yell at us!”

✭ “haechan!”

✭ “hyung i’m sorry but we gotta-”

✭ “okay byebye~”

✭ both of you froze in your place as haechan closed the door and rushed back to the car, where you could see johnny and lucas peering over at you guys, motioning to ten omf

✭ you built up the courage to look at ten to see his reaction and he was not having it sksk this boy was literally glaring at haechan through the window like ‘wait til we get to the studio’

✭ and as if things couldn’t get anymore chaotic … in comes your manager saying “y/n could you hurry up and talk to your boyfriend later? your lunch ended 5 minutes ago” FJSKF

✭ you didn’t even want to see what his reaction was, you were so embarrassed but ugh even in your time of trauma, those were the CUTEST lil laughs you’ve ever heard

✭ but before your boss would come back and fire you, you rushed over behind the counter and took ten’s order, two double chocolate chip “muffin’s” and a little yogurt smoothie again :’)

✭ you did your thang as the lil hard worker you are, and when it came to writing his name on the side of the cup… you were like.. ‘hm okay, since ten wants to be all cute n shit… two can play at that game’

✭ your sneaky self smiled and quickly signed it with a smug, proud look on your face which made ten go ???!!! girl what did u do

✭ you gave it to ten and he thankfully smiled, sipping it as if to test run it first

✭ he did that thing where something tastes so good you start reading out the ingredients on the side of the box or dancing as you’re chewing lol he even exaggerated it a bit because he thinks your smile is so prettY

✭ ”fruit boy?” he read off the writing you on the side of the cup

✭ ”mhm”

✭ ”me?”

✭ ”mhmmm”

✭ “why is there a heart?”

✭ you were trying your best to mimic how ten was so confidently teasing you earlier by not letting you know the answer, but you were failing because even looking at him made your heart do the tHING, so all that came out of your mouth was the most flustered “u-uhhHhHh”

✭ “wahhh, someone’s blushing”

✭ “hey!”

✭ there was that pretty smile again as he looked at the little heart you put beside it along w/ a smiley face, but he never was one to blush, instead it was you w your red cheeks and red ears aWW

✭ in the same confident tone, even leaning closer, shaking his finger at you saying “gwiyeo”

✭ this boy was so happy seeing how flustered you were SMH, that same cheeky smile never left his face im-

✭ you guys were so focused on each other and being playful w each other to actually notice that people were looking at you guys all crazY, and if they weren’t then they were deffo taking pics bc honey you both were giggling and lightly nudging each other

✭ idk what was with you and these nct boys, but you felt comfortable with them easily… like ten made you BEYOND nervous but you still felt like you’ve been knew him???

✭ which was probably why so many people were gonna take your guys’ interaction further than just the normal now, especially with how red your cheeks got and how sly ten’s smile was

✭ you loved that little sly smirk of his and his playful nature, and he adored how blushy your cheeks got whenever he looked at you a little too long

✭ and honestly, you didn’t even need to say that to each other, with the look in your guys’ eyes??? oh c’mon

✭ “you still need to tell me why yo-“

✭ “mmm-mmm” he sing-songed, sipping his lil drink

✭ “tEN”

✭ “neh?”

✭ “ten!”

✭ “fine. guess”

✭ “no tell me!”

✭ “mmmmm…. that’s not fun”

✭ “uGH”

184 notes · View notes

identitycris1s · 3 years

Text

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:)

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes.

0 notes

r-o-se · 7 years

Photo

Produce 101 Season 2 Ep 7 lit lit lit 92 point running commentary

hey whats up squad fam id link where I watched it but it was like 4 different sources so I’m sorryyyyy message me and ask for them later

1. They’re jumping right into it and its BTS Spring Day stage all are pastely beige pink and its cute af this is the youngest group on average and has the small Woojin, Kim Youngjin, Kenta, Seonho and Bae Jinyoung

2. Younjin wants to be center/main vocal eventho hes originally a rapper and I understannd WHY he wants it but to have a rapper as main vocal is…… not clever

3. Holy shit he actually gets to be the main vocal wow I’m shook as hell

4. Seokhoon is making angry eyes at him tho and now Woojin is a shitton better at this checkup and gets to be the new center

5. He has problems hitting the high note though poor baby

6. Baejy gets praised by BoA and he gets cute and smiley as fuck its adorableeeeee

7. SEONHO IS PLAYING PIANO IM PROUD OF MY LIL BABY BIRD

8. Baby Woojin didn’t fully hit the note but he didn’t fully miss ti either so its okkkk

9. Kenta got literally 0 personal screentime though mnet fucking hates him this boy is a GEM you could make so much clips out of him but nooooooooo

10. Seonho made kissy faces at the camera and Guanlin cringed so hard it was beautiful

11. Seonho got first aaaahahahha it’s the piano and the visuals but can we just remember the fact that the kid is only what 15? 16? He’s fuckin SMALL

12. Now the next stage is N Sync-Pop aka the group with one dancer and a bunch of other professions since they got filled also………… WOODAM IS HERE IM SO FUCKING EMO POOR KID

13. They also got Sangbin, Jung Jung, Insoo, Kiwon, Jaechan and Woodam obviously. Jung Jung is the only og dancer there

14. I’m very sad about Woodam but I wanna see others too like please…… I miss Sangbin and Insoo… Show them too they literally choreographed the whole thing and GOT PRAISED FOR IT…. And their teamwork was called the best they had seen IM SO GLAD

15. But their team is all very low numbers it makes me really really sad ugh

16. Their clothes are so 90s I LOVE IT HOW CUTE

17. They all dance so well especially for a group of people who aren’t actually dancers

18. SANGBINI IS SO GOOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH FUCK

19. Junghung unzipped his sweater and flipped around OBVIOUSLY

20. Everyone are clapping in circles aaahahahahah round of applause LITERALLY

21. Oh my gooooosh WOODAM HAS ASTHMA POOR BABY KID

22. If Woodam won’t make it I’m going to riot

23. SANGBIN IS LAST AGAIN LAST HERE AND LAST IN THE GROUP EVALUATION WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT JUSTICE FOR SANGBIN HES A RANK AND INDIVIDUAL TRAINEE AND AN EXCELLENT RAPPER FUCKING VOTE FOR HIM ASSES

24. NOW ITS TIME FOR A-TOM, EUIWOONG AND MY PINK RAPPER FLUFF WOO JINYOUNGGGGGGGGG THEY ARE DOING

25. Ajlahlskadf they asked Jinyoung ‘whos the best’ and hes like ahh everyone are good in their own way and they they asked again from Sanggyun and he’s like ‘I’m the best lol’

26. Wait is this the stage where Ha Minho was…….. because lmao they really did a good job editing him out I’m dead ‘they can’t edit better evil editing isn’t a thing’ MY GUY THEY DELETED A GUY WHO WON A BATTLE!! WITHOUT IT EVEN BEBING NOTICED IF WE DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS THERE!! GODDAMN

27. Jinyoung is the centerrrrrrrr love my babe but obvi I’m sad for Sanggyun

28. Also yall Minho won this battle with an Mnet diss

29. Sanggyun has problems coming up with lyrics poor babe I hope he’s alright OH NO BABY MESSED UP HIS WORDS TWICE

30. KAKLKFNAWKNN MINHO IS BLURRED OUT ON STAGE WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY

31. SANGGYUN AND EUIWOONG GOT PRAISEDDDDDDD AND OBVI WOOJY TOO IM SO PROUDDDDD

32. THEIR STAGE IS SO GOOD THE ENERGY IS SO GOOD WHAT THE FUCK THEY ALL ON FIRE AS FUCK

33. Cheetah is feeling herself big time

34. Euiwoong looks so much better here than with the BIL team he looked like a fetus there but rn HES FUCKIN AMAZING

35. Imagine ranking 4th out of 3 people wow that seems like something that would happen to me lmao poor Euiwoong

36. A group with no first place how tragic

37. ITS TIMEEEEEE OFR RHYTHM TA ok but why choose the same song for two years in a row lol

38. This team is Gwanghyun, Yoojin and Taewoo

39. Yoojin hated being a leader back in Be Mine days and now he’s stuck again because Gwanghyun and are submissive fucks

40. GWANGHYUN IS NERVOUS AND WENT TO ASK JINYOUNG FOR HELP THIS IS SO CUTE AND JINYOUNG BABE GAVE HIM ADVICE INSTEAD OF SENDGIN A RIVAL AWAY

41. This groups teamwork is seriously amazing I love it so much their dynamic is so amazing

42. Their energy is so good they sereiously seemed to just fuckin get such a high out of being on stage

43. Poor Baby Yoojin is last, Taewoo is second and Gwanghyun got first poor baby is crying and the others are cheering him up this is so sweet

44. BoA Amazing kiss is up next with Dongsu, JELLY HEESEOK WHO I HAVENT SEEN IN WEEKS LOVE YOU BABE DO WELL, Seunghyuk and Gunhee. Gunhee is the leader yet they have problems choosing the center

45. THEIR VOCALS ARE ALL SO GOOD WHAT THE FUCK GUNHEE IS AMAZING

46. Heeseok really wants to be center and is being kind of pushy but in the end Gunhee got the center part too

47. THEIR HARMONIES ARE SO GOOD

48. AND VOCALS SO STRONG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

49. Gunhee looks………. So good…….. I cant take it…… with the choker and everything just fuck me upppp

50. Jahldfhaan gunhee shook his ass on stage while appealing time

51. Gunhee is bringing up Hyunwoo too goddamn im weakhearted don’t do this to me

52. Heeseok got last place….. I’m emo as fuck…… fuckin stab me…… My Jellyfish son…. Seunghyuk is third, Dongsu second and Gunheeeeeeeeee is FIRST!!! Proud of my kid

53. Now its I.O.I Downpour team, Hyunbin, Jisung, Minhyun, Jaehwan and Sungwoon aka ALL THE KIDS I LOVE!!!!

54. They chose Jisung as leader my babe looks so good with purple hair GOD BLESS

55. Sungwoon is so pretty godddamnit ‘I’ve heard it often I’m not good enough for main vocal’ I’ll beat up whoever said it

56. HE IS GIVING UP MAIN VOCAL TO JAEHWAN!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! WHAT AN ANGEL!!!!!!! I’M SHOOK!!!!!

57. Hyunbin got a lot of hate and I’m very salty over it I love my tall boy very much SAME GOES TO JISUNG!!!! THAT KID HASN’T DONE A SINGLE THING WRONG HE IS SO SWEET AND SO INSPIRING AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH MMO BETTER FUCKING DEBUT HIM WITH THE MMO SQUAD ONCE ITS DONE!!!!!!

58. Hyunbin messed up a bit and Jisung comforted him poor lil baby I’m so sorry for my tall child and thank you so much Jisung for taking care of my baby kid

59. Anyways they asked if they can change and having Jaehwan play guitar instead of having the teachers play piano

60. Minhyun looks so fine in pastel pink fuck me up

61. Cut to Baekho and Jonghyun lookin like ‘damn right’

62. JAEHWANS VOICE DOES THINGS TO ME I DIDN’T EVEN SEE ITS HIM BUT WHEN HIS VOICE STARTED I GOT SHIVERS SAME WITH SUNGWOON I LOVE MY POWER VOCAL CHILDREN

63. Oh my fucking god everyone in the crowd and the other trainees AND HYUNBIN are all bawling

64. JAEHWANS VOCALS SAVED MY LIFE! FUCKING G O S H THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL I DON’T EVEN KNOW THE LYRICS BUT I FEEL LIKE CRYING

65. Sakjfbakjsablkfjn Hyunbin and Jisung are holding hands

66. Hyunbin is 5th and Jisung takes his hand and comforts him a lot and tells him it’s okay this is too precious and Jisung himself is 4th and Sungwoon third, Minhyun second and JAEHWAN FIRST HE DESERVED IT BEST FUCKING VOCALS IN THIS ENTIRE SHOW IF HE WONT MAKE IT I AM RIOTING!!!!!!

67. Jinwoo ranked super low in vocals……. I’m so fucking sad when will people learn to appreaciate true talent…..

68. Gunhees mouth can open so wide its amazing honestly also HE GOT OVERALL VOCAL FIRST PLACE IM SO PROUD!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!! BABE!!!!!!!!!! U DESERVED IT U WERE A GREAT CENTER AND LEADER

69. Now its only the dance teams left starting with Gete Ugly. The subber seems to love him and tbh same bless Danik

70. Ong is so fuckin funny I love him lmao

71. It’s Daniels team and he’s like ‘I’m sorry I was a bad leader’ and Ong is like nah fam ALSO FUN FACT REVEALED BY ONG Jonghyun inspired him to be the leader this is so fuckin cuteeeeee

72. Afnhlna what is going on why are they showing them in the result room before the stage I’m????

73. This team has all of the alpha bitches like seriously Jihoon, Samuel, Ong, Daniel, Hyungseob are 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th and 6th and then poor baby Park Woojin is 24th.

74. Awwwwwwwwww the populars are all thinking that Woojin could kill it this is so cute

75. Danik is the MMO maknae apparently and volunteered and FUCK SUNGWOO JUST SAID JONGHYUN INSPIRED HIM TO BE THE LEADER MY SORRY SORRY AND ONGNIEL HEART CANT TAKE IT

76. Samuel keeps being eaten up by Jihoon save my boy those two want center and WOOJIN WANTS TOO!!!!!!! I LOVE WOOJIN!!!!!! PICK HIM!!!!!

77. AAAAAAHAHAH FUCK SAMUEL JUST SAID THAT HES LIKE A SKINNY DEER NEXT TO JIHOONS TIGER THIS IS THE CUTEST

78. Jihoon?? Recommended Sameuel now?? FUCK CUTE!!! Poor Woojin tho aw

79. They are a bit lacking in the dance section though which makes me a bit sad and Danik egets a bit flamed from Kahi since he is the only one who has problems with the choreo

80. Samuel, Danik and Woojin are all choreographing it but they all have very different styles so it’s a bit hard to learn

81. Anyways Danik is so cute and he has NICE ASS FUCKIN THIGHS HOLY SHIT LOOK AT HIM B-BOYING

82. The whip sound effects are so funny idk why but THEY ARE

83. Ong and Jihoon are poppingggggggg and its GREATT

84. Dabbing fuckers I stg

85. Samuels legs are so thin OH MY GOD DANIEL TWIRLING ON HIS HANDS HOLY SHIT

86. WHO DID THAT HALF SPLIT WAS IT ONG??? THAT WAS FUCKIN COOL

87. Hey yall I love Kang Daniel and Park Woojin and I’m not gonna waste my fingers typing out all of the members here BUT I LOVE THEM ALL FUCK

88. Jihoon did goddamn aegyo on that goddamn stage and Samuel gave half of a heart miss me w that cuteness

89. Everyone think Samuel won it but goddamn?? No?? He ranked last? How the fuck did that happen I’m literally…… what?? Why on earth? Anyways yall remember when Samuel called his mom and she called him a puppy

90. DANIK GOT 5TH IM ANGRY!!! AND HE SAID ITS WHAT HE DESERVES!! NO!!!!!

91. Hyungseob is 4th, Ong is 3rd and Woojin is SUPER NERVOUS AND NOW THEY CUT IT OFF!! FUCK YOU MNET!!

92. If Taehyun isn’t getting the best dancer I’m going to scream right here right now

93. Pop got really low votes I’m emo

94. TAEHYUN WRECKED IT HE IS FIRST!! HE DESERVES IT FUCKIN HELLL HE DOESSSS

95. Ok cut back to get ugly votes WOOJIN GOT FIRST HE REALLY DID IM SO PROUD HE REALLY DID IY MY FOX BABY HE DESERVED THAT FIRST CENTER PLACE FROM A RANKS AS WELL BUT NOW HES HERE AND BEAT UP!!!!! THE ENTIRE TOP TEN!!! FUCKIN GOD IM PROUD

96. TAEHYUN STAYED THERE HE REALLY DID WOOOJIN IS 5TH BUT TAEHYUN MADE IT HE IS FIRST HE BEAT ALL OF THE AVENGERS F U C K

97. Samuel and Daniel are ranking really low…… this is…. This is really sad wow holy shit….Poor children…. To drop from second to second to last??? Poor kid

98. Anyways the golden trio is now Gunhee, Jonghyun and Taehyun I am satisfied and have no objections to that

Good night yall buy nuest albums theyyre good for your health also happy debut to ace and merry comebacks to map6, ikon, got7, knk, b.i.g,, 24k and anyone else that I forgot

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heavyyhearts-blog · 7 years

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https://byf.tumblr.com/post/163680331020/last-thing-im-posting-about-this-heres-ayas

“if i made it sound like you did similar stuff to every single one of these people it wasn’t my intention. however in the past you have gone in depth about jess, and how she left you “when you needed her most and fucked you up more,” and you have told me winter backed her up when she left you. whether you’re intentionally like this or not, you’ve been toxic and manipulative enough unintentionally that you’ve made multiple people also stressed and hurt. however you’ve had this pointed out to you, that you can be to much, and that you do these things. yet you still do them because “you can’t help it.” i understand fully that bpd fucking sucks, and that it affects your relationships. but if you’ve already had these things pointed out to you, you need to work on them, and you’re not. “

i have been working on them though? the problem is that you literally didn't tell me that i had been the way i had been. and on the issue with jess specifically? how i acted around her was EXTREMELY different to how i acted towards you. how i acted towards jess was, not only several years ago, but a lot more awful. the entire situation was awful, really. we were both like, 13 or 14, somewhere around there. i was approaching a point in my life where i was beginning to have nonstop problems with my abusive parents that made my life even more of a 24/7 suicidal nightmare than it already had been.

on top of the fact that i had began showing many extreme symptoms of bpd. and the thing about it was? i literally did not know what bpd even was. i didnt know there was a reason for how i ended up acting. i felt so horrible and disgusting every single day of my life for the things i had been doing, but i had no way of stopping them. i was 13. i was going through too much. this was also when i started realizing i was trans and dealing with the backlash on that from my parents.

what did i do? i yelled at her constantly and split on her constantly. every single tiny thing she would do wrong, would get me so extremely irrationally pissed off and i couldnt control myself. i literally, could not control myself. i tried so many stupid bullshit plans to make myself stop doing all thse shitty things but none of it worked and itw as too much for her. i would love her so much one minute and then literally hate her and everything she stood for the next and i was so constantly afraid of every tiny little thing just changing my mood over and over again. i was extremely dependant and needy and i had no control over my moods and i had no idea what was happening i had no idea she was my fp or what bpd even was.i was just all around horrible to her with no way of stopping. it was at that point in time where i would need time and separation from her to ever not do those things again.

and im 99% sure i already told you this. again, how i acted towards jess was nothing like how i acted towards you, and how i acted towards her was never inentional either. in that way, ive definitely gotten better, because i have never been as bad as i was with her since.

“ whether you’re intentionally like this or not, you’ve been toxic and manipulative enough unintentionally that you’ve made multiple people also stressed and hurt. however you’ve had this pointed out to you, that you can be to much, and that you do these things. yet you still do them because “you can’t help it.” i understand fully that bpd fucking sucks, and that it affects your relationships. but if you’ve already had these things pointed out to you, you need to work on them, and you’re not. “

i dont even know what this "youve been told you can be toxic and manipulative and havent done anything about it." i? have? listen. i had no idea that i was ever being like how i was with YOU and possibly some others, i dont really remember. it was only when you literally made fun of me with a meme image that i realized i was getting like that at all. back with jess? i was violently, uncontrollably verbally abusive. like, flat out, name-calling shit, that i always felt so horrible for after i would inevitably calm down. like that wasnt being manipulative that was just verbal abuse, not the same thing. and the entire thing about that is, i dont do that anymore. part of when i say i've gotten better about things over the years, is that ive managed to get over that , and that im very luckily not that mentally unstable anymore. and you cant use jess to refer back to this "not getting better thing"

ever since i had been told that i was being manipulative unintentionally , i've tried very hard to not get like that, and, as far as im aware, i've done it a lot less, if at all. like. im working on it? ive even specifically told a lot of people how i had been acting so and that i can be oblivious and to please tell me if i ever get like that because i dont want to be like that. like literally forewarning people, just in case, even though ive already been way more cautious anyway and am pretty sure no ones told me that ive been so because i havent

also just as an example on this one of my friends just now brought up to me how i used to kinda flame them in league/get mad at them a lot and that i was scary like this, and now i dont do this anymore i dont take my anger out on them like i used to, that was a problem i similarly had with jess before i can @ them if you really want me to. , ive also apologized for this and gotten better about it. i know i fuck up a lot

“ my point in gathering some of the more extreme things you did and posting them is that you were continuing to do things along those lines, albeit maybe not the same explicit things, but still manipulative/bad actions. you didn’t stop any of them until you were already splitting on me for drinking/having friends/etc. “

first of all youre still insisting ive been splitting on you for drinking/having friends or whatever. thats?? not why ive been i already said this?? i've been collectively splitting on you over time because of the nonstop problems we've had over all of these months. like ive literally been splitting because i havent been happy. and all the drinking shit etc/is just things that make it even easier for me to split, like, it's not like that's the sole reason i have been. if it had not been for all of these months of bad shit happening between us, i could probably easily cope with those things given time and conversations, but it doesnt even matter now.

and yes, even after i had been told, i still did some things. because it takes time? to get better? i cant fix myself instantly. like you literally cannot deny that i have gotten better about it. like im still sorry for everything i have done, it can be hard to control at times, that doesnt mean i cant help it

" i wasn’t necessarily calling you out for blocking me, i was putting that down as something you did even after you went around saying it was fucked up. my problem isn’t that you blocked me, its that i stopped doing that, and was ready to communicate, like we both agreed to, and then you went and blocked me out of no where, when you were telling people in a group chat, and probably people privately that i was so fucked up for “just ignoring you for days” i was “ignoring you for days” because i told you that i needed to cut you off and stop talking to you multiple times and you continued to beg and spam me, after i told you to stop. that’s what cutting you off is, and you didn’t respect that. you mentioned “compromising” but i wasn’t okay with that. i was at the point where i wanted you out of my life and you kept pushing, and then made me the bad guy by saying “MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!” i had made up my mind. and you continued to spam and beg me. i’m mentally ill too and you were too stressful for me, and i rarely had the energy that you needed. i explained that to you and you didn’t care. “

i dont know what youre referring to on “ and then made me the bad guy by saying “MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!” “

and i dont really have anything to say to this like. thats something i honestly cant help doing. i know that no matter what i do, it's going to be an "in the moment thing" should the same thing ever happen to me again, and that ill react the same way. people leaving me scares me too much. what i already said to this was that my solution to that problem was to restrict myself from getting too attached to people like i did with you. i got too attached to you. what happens when i get too attached, is i get too comfortable, i lose my filters, i act more impulsively, i do stupid things, and most importantly it would start making me have breakdowns i cant help should they ever leave, which is why i need to stop with having people become my fp. it's too dangerous for both people involved for me to get attached like that and its why ill stop doing that. ive learned that now.

“ the “out of context rant” was to show how you would react to me trying to cut you off. and thinking on it, it wasn’t fucked up for me to try and get you out of my life AGAIN. i was pissed and snapped because you were sitting there telling me i was becoming to reliant on alcohol for coping, when i had always drank. i just didn’t talk about it because you were uncomfortable about it. i could also already feel you becoming distant for that reason and others, and i (also having bpd.) felt shitty because i felt like you didn’t care and were replacing me. i decided that it was best for me to just remove myself from the situation. especially because it would also benefit you in that you didn’t have to deal with me drinking, because that’s not something i’m stopping. i could see that you at that point had other friends, and it was in both of our best interest to just get out of the toxic situation. which you then got mad at me and spammed me for, just like before. “

"which you then got mad at me and spammed me for, just like before. “

um lol as you can clearly see i got mad because you pulled the instant blocking without talking to me thing yet again, for reasons that didnt even make sense, like you said all this shit about "having a perfect image of you in my head" and whatever out of nowhere??? like it made no sense to me and made it seem even more ridiculous to me. as if that pissed off reaction was somehow unprovoked

“ and the problem with you saying “you should have just talked to me about it,” is anytime that i would talk about it you would breakdown and spam and beg me. “

???? what???? are you talking about when you would try to cut me off??? because you "talking about it" is just telling me "im done bye cant do it" then forcefully blocking me. and if youre referring to "talk to me about things im doing wrong," youre lying.

“ this whole paragraph is just. okay. i’m not expecting you to just “not split.” i’m asking you to just say, “hey i fucking hate you, it pisses me off seeing you, i’ve split so much, i can’t be around you, bye. block” “

this is just me being petty and pissed off and not caring enough to tell you given everything that's happened, i still dont care

“the bakugou thing; again it was more of a, this is the kind of shit they do/say. you did “apologize for it” and say that you didn’t care anymore. however you continuously do similar things, where you will push issues that. aren’t your business and that you really don’t need to know. “

yeah if i ever push things like that it's because it seriously bothers me and makes me beyond anxious that i will end up pushing it, because i dont know how else to calm down over it and stop thinking about it for days other than talking about it. even so you still tried to make me look bad by saying "when i cc’d bakugou and she tried to make me explain my trauma to make it Valid" ???

“ and yeah, you showed a personal confession from me that i said i crave something. that doesn’t mean i do it. it means i have those urges, not that i go through with them. but you got me. “

just trying to make you look bad :3

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hoetron · 7 years

Text

okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

BASICS:

a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her

b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all

c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy

d. GENDER: cis female hooooh

e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)

TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y

2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted

3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. red

13. yellow

14. either black or lavendar,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find

35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)

37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall

41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to

42. BLOODTYPE: shit i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)

43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle

45. ZODIAC: virgo

46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)

48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows

52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji

53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: OXYGEn

56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN

57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88 questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c

58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?

59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...

60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm

61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji )

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji

81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess

85. ANGELS: not really lmao

OTHER

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time

only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest

#raedy to talk shit #mattie #mothable #w e eps #this took fucking forever babes #LONG POST

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wasabi-duck · 7 years

Text

reverse idol jungkook

i always write for jungkook and yoongi but lmao i like writing for them the best so here we go…

anyway im offended nobody wants to talk about the ketchup song, i bet jungkook wouldn’t play me like that

okay so this is a reverse idol au wow

which means that you’re an idol, wow, surprise

i think for all of them it would be fun to do different kind of groups but idk for this one im going with the flow

im debating whether to make everyone in a kpop group because i mean most of us probably don’t live in korea so like…

you’re in a pop group though, we can start there!! your group isn’t like super popular, but you just released a single that topped a lot of charts and so now you’re getting a lot of positive attention and a wave of new fans!!

jungkook has been a fan from the beginning though wow surprise…

he was probably the fan that got hooked back in the predebut days (so are you kpop??) and he was the one that made shitty gifs on his moms desktop and uploaded the to the good old tumblr

from the beginning you were his fave tho like there is no denying that

you had a certain charm about you, and you always seemed so pure and innocent and you always were so open with your other members

like throughout all your mini video diary updates, you were always the one making sure everyone in the group got adequate speaking time and got to talk!!

and you’re always helping the other members when they’re struggling with a dance move or with some lyrics, like it’s so obvious that you’re the one who makes sure the rest of your members feel comfortable with what they’re doing??

yah that’s you and wow jungkook has the hots for you

just like my dad thinks winwin is hotter than flames smh

your group at this point, maybe like, you’re just coming up to your year mark??

and jungkook has been loyal all 365 days of this year and he’s like

he makes a cake??

he like makes this cake and it looks awful and later yoongi chokes on it and has to go to patient first lmao yikes

but like he gets so excited about you guys hitting your year anniversary that he bakes this cake with lots of icing and twenty times more sprinkles than that right??

and he puts like happy 1 year in really crappy writing on the top with some icing and he puts whip cream on too it looks wild to say the least

and then he puts some candles on for like the birthday of your group wow

not like i do that or anything when my bias has a birthday,,, haha,,,

okay but he uploads a picture of the cake to twitter and tags you guys or whatever idk how twitter works, im stupid

but like a lot of other fans start retweeting it or something because while comical, the gesture is really cute and sweet and kind of touching??

jung-

when did i stop saying jeongguk did i say this already

anyway jungkook gets all flushed because wow there are a lot of people talking about his cake

and guess what guys

guess what the heck what

you of all people retweet the tweet and you add a comment like “omg this is the cutest thing, thank you so much sweetheart!!”

and jungkook checks his twitter

and he just kinda

he screams and he kinda doesn’t mean to but he throws his phone and he’s shrieking and his mom comes down like boy i will beat you with a candle if you don’t shut up and his brother records his meltdown

he calls jimin and tae and the three of them scream and cry together omg like tae and jimin are the hypemen while jungkook has a come apart

he probably is one of those people that walks when he’s excited so he’s on the phone doing laps around the house and his lil puppy is trailing along all excitedly

after three hours of talking to the boys (i remember when i used to talk on the phone for three hours omg) he heads up to his room

where he promptly goes to his shrine of your group and like cries over it and hugs all three of your mini albums to his chest

he probably has like seven posters of you omg can you imagine

he would be the one to get shy when like he changes and all the posters are staring at him or something…

oh his mom probably would like come in his room all the time and if your clothes were too tight or something, his mom would cover your poster in sticky notes and jungkook would be like “mom plz you don’t understand it’s a looK”

jungkook omg also we all know my boy can draw right

he would be one of the crazy good fanartists that posts his drawings of the group (but mostly you)

and after the cake incident, his work and art gets so much more attention like he becomes a fairly popular fanartist for your group

for his birthday btw, yoongi and hoseok come together to write the worst, most cliche, cringy reader insert fanfic of you for him and he keeps it under his pillow every night

okay but also after the cake incident, you kinda sorta stalked his twitter account and you flipped out over how amazing his artwork is and all your group members crack up because you can spend hours just checking out his account and trying to somehow low key print pictures of the art

im watching a documentary in spanish yikes sorry im distracted

okay anyway your group

your group announces like a special one year anniversary meet and greet to thank the fans who have supported you guys for this time and all

jungkook is in school when he gets the notification on twitter and he loses it in class like the world is caving in around him and his teacher sent him down to the principals office because he was causing controversy

oh btw his binders at school are probably cute collages of your group thanks bye everyone

okay anyway

tbh probably tells the principal about the meet and greet

and the principal just kinda “okay…”

jungkook goes home that day and he is on cloud nine right this boy is having the time of his life like his heart has never felt lighter and he has never felt more alive in his life

he practically skips home from school (like winwin did when they played duck duck goose someone hold me)

and he bursts through the door and the smile on his face is so wide and so bright that his brother goes and gets some sunglasses

and he’s like “mom, dad, guess what! they’re having a meet and greeT”

his parents kinda exchange looks and they’re kinda !!

“well how much is it honey?”

and jungkook’s smile falters because he knows that guess what, his family doesn’t really have that kind of money right now, and the only way that he managed to get all his albums and posters was because he’s been saving up birthday and new year’s money and all

and he keeps that same smile on his face because jungkook doesn’t share his emotions and jungkook doesn’t let people know how he’s really feeling and he doesn’t want his family to know that the air has literally been stolen from his lungs

he just kinda shrugs and his voice is all quiet and he’s like “oh… it’s nothing important, i shouldn’t have mentioned it. sorry.”

he heads upstairs before he starts crying because jungkook like really got his hopes up??

and your music really speaks to him and he’s kind of developed this emotional dependence on your group and you guys never fail to make him smile and you always get him up when he’s feeling down and he just wishes that maybe he could somehow tell you all how important you are to him and how much you’ve done for him through your music and all!!

he goes upstairs and he locks himself in the room he shares with his bro and he just cries into his pillow

it’s the weekend right and that next morning he doesn’t get out of bed and he doesn’t leave his room

he won’t even open his phone up because he doesn’t wanna see everyone talking about the meet and greet he can’t go to

he’s not mad at his parents or anything, he’s just defeated like he’s loved you (guys) from before day one and now the chance to express that is slipping through his fingers

boy howdy someone is not happy with this

it’s min yoongi

surprise

he’s like i cannot not let my love,,, i cannot let this happen

like jungkook had called jimin and tae eventually and cried to them and they immediately told the other boys

and yoongi was like oh heck no my baby gets what he wants

imagine the kermit meme but with yoongi

yoongi: i gotta show the boys im cool and poised and don’t give a shit

yoongi to yoongi: buy jungkook meet and greet tickets

tbh he totally plans on doing it

like he researches it all and he figures out when they’re going on sale and that night (it’s like a week after the entire meltdown), the boys wanna go out to the karaoke bar or something

and yoongi is like i’m at work

and namjoon is like wth you’re laying on our couch

and yoongi is like “did i stutter kim namjoon do you want me to shove a hairbrush down your throat when you’re sleeping”

i just burnt my peanut butter toast and i wanna die tbh anyway

yoongi gets them, surprise!! well one for jungkook but like you get it

and he’s so proud of himself he is like i am the best in the world all hail min yoongi, king of spoiling his friends

he wants to wait to give them to jungkook but he cannot hold the excitement in so one day he just kinda heads over to jungkook’s house and traipses on in and jungkook is doing his calculus homework or something

and yoongi just shoves the ticket in his face and jungkook blinks and then he slowly realizes what’s up and he stares at yoongi then bursts into happy tears

fudge you two havent even met

okay so the day of the event jungkook probably wears a bias shirt with your name on it and he is alive okay like he brings his albums and his drawings of you to give to you because lil bun wants to like impress you??

he probably writes a note to you as well talking about how happy you make him and he’s like wait that’s creepy but jin is like no my child, no it is perfect and beautiful just like you and then he kisses jungkook’s head

the boys wait outside the event and they all have matching bomber jackets and sunglasses to be the jungkook protection squad

jungkook dies when he gets in there right

like there’s so much noise and chattering and people and he’s so uncomfortable and stressed tbh and he doesn’t feel good like he starts to panic

what if he like embarrasses himself?? what if he makes a fool of himself in front of you?? what if he like passes out or something or like gleeks oN YOU OMG

he’s like dying in line but he can’t help but keep checking you out the entire time and you are even more gorgeous in person and you aren’t even up close and personal yet…

he feels like he’s gonna die but the boys keep texting him reassuring messages and all he starts to calm down

he’s gripping everything so tight his knuckles go white

omg his turn though

he talks to all the members because you are at the end and all

and he’s like so shy and flustered but he manages to talk to them and explain how h’es been a fan from the beginning of time and he talks about all the best songs on the album and his fave choreos!! and he’s so cute and his face is all red and bright and he’s so !!!

okay i have a spanish benchmark so i should be going but

he finally gets to you and he’s like wow time to kms

he can’t even breathe like you are five inches away from him, in the living flesh, smiling like an angel and -

he kinda plops his albums down on the table and he can’t break eye contact with you to save his life and you just kinda laugh and smile wider because he’s so cute and you’re so flattered that like wow look at this cute fan??

but then he slips the drawings your way and he’s rambling on about how cool you are and how you’ve really inspired him to try new choreography and all and how he thinks you’re the most angelic person and all this other stuff

and you’re like !!

and your heart is racing because most fans are like wow you’re so attractive i love you but he’s going in depth about like you as a person and that’s so touching??

all your band mates keep glancing at you guys like suspiciously

you notice the drawings and you’re like wth is tHIS i HAVe SeeN thEsE

“you’re the birthday cake boy omg!!”

jungkook’s eyes widen and his jaw drops because you just admitted you’ve been stalking his twitter and you immediately cover your mouth with your hands and you’re like wth is this,,, i wanna die… what

jungkook just blushes and nods and smiles that cute bunny smile and your heart melts because he’s so cute and sweet and wow this isn’t very good

security isn’t feeling it though and they’re ushering you on so you quickly do like

the idol grab hands thing and you interlace your fingers and smile down at him

“im really glad i met you”

and he’s about to #die because you are like talking about meeting hIM

and you sign his albums real fast and wink before security ushers him on

but then you’re like “wait, i never got your name!”

and he just “jungkook!!”

“I hope to see you again jungkook!!”

you wave and he’s pushed off by security

the boys are in the parking lot and they’re like wth man how did it go and jungkook has the thousand yard stare

jimin shakes his shoulders and tae starts yelling and yoongi is like time to throw down??

but jungkook gets this loopy smile and he’s like “wow i am in loVE. love love. like actual love. like marriage love”

namjoon rolls his eyes and jin is like “young mAN YOU ARE TOO YOUNG”

but tae and jimin are poking through his albums and stuff and tae screams and everyone looks at him and he kinda

“man look at this!!”

in the back of the album is “hey cutie, i think i wanna get to know you more. shit, that sounds weird. i guess im saying, hot chocolate your speed?”

and then this is totally against idol code but im making this au so um

it’s your number and a cute smiley face and heart and jungkook passes out on the sidewalk

and guess what you do get hot chocolate after that

and jungkook is all nervous and embarrassed and he hides behind his face half the time and you think it’s cute…

and you guys text all the time?? like always??

you leak him lyrics and dance vids all the time and he’s like my hero…

you two hang out whenever your schedule permits but he still gets super shy whenever the other members of your group are over omg

they always tease you two as like scandalous and all but you really like jungkook!!

you like him enough to dedicate,,, a love song to him,,, on your first full album,,,

and like one day your group is on a talk show and the host is like so anyone, how about those relationships,,,

and you’re like well my boyfriend and i are-

and you’re like oH SHIT

and the boys are huddled around jungkook’s laptop, watching, and jungkook’s heart shatters because you have a boyfriend… since when…

and yoongi is like pal,,, buddy,,, amigo,,, it’s yOU

you guys officially get together in the dance studio really cheesy with help from your group mates and it’s so nice and wonderful and you guys always kiss and cuddle when you’re supposed to be rehearsing oops,,,

#what the fuck is this gif #jungkook scenario #jungkook scenarios #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bangtan fanfic #bangtan writing #bangtan text #bangtan scenarios

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5hfanfiction · 7 years

Text

coming out (5/?) ⇾ camren

a/n: things aren’t gonna make sense for a quick second because im doing a time jump in light of the recent events with fifth harmony. this is after the break up. keep this in mind as you read. enjoy, ily xxx.

also, i know i said i’d stop writing camren fan fiction but just because camila has left doesn’t mean i should stop. its what i love to do. in all honesty, i am completely aware of the fact that laucy may be much realer than camren ever was and i respect that relationship and am so glad lucy is making lauren as happy as she seems lately but camren will always be apart of me and i’ll keep writing about it.

to my fellow camren shippers, i know living in your own fantasy may seem nice but please respect the fact that there is an extremely strong possibility that lauren and lucy are dating. it may not be camila but understand that lucy makes lauren happy and at the end of the day, that’s what all of us harmonizers should strive for; our girls and their happiness. who we want them to be with isn’t always who they are meant to be with.

as much as we hate to admit it, they are grown adults who are perfectly capable of making their own choices and know themselves way more than we know them so please in simple respect, stop with the conspiracy theories and just be glad and grateful that our girl has someone special in her life.

when she’s sad, angry, or simply needs a hug and reassurance, keep in mind that lucy may be that person constantly there for her and not camila. camren may have felt/feel real to us but our imagination differs from actual reality. again, keep that in mind when you choose to go to lucy’s page to comment hate towards her. if she’s making lauren smile and feel confident within herself, then she’s doing her fucking job and you are nobody to come in between that.

with that being said, enjoy this chapter and stop being heartless assholes.

Lauren|

A dry chuckle fell from her lips. Her green eyes turning stone cold, she ripped her hand out of her former bandmate’s hold. “You don’t even get it!” She shouted. Her body shook with anger and sadness as she started to walk away before being pulled back by the brunette.

“Then let me in Lauren,” sadness swam in the brown orbs as they pleaded with green ones. “You never let me in anymore. Please let me in…” she whispered.

Backing away from the girl, Lauren shook her head. “Camz…”

“Please,” she whispered.

*24 Hours Earlier*

She loved the beach. It was her safe place… where she went to when the world failed her. The sand comforted her, the waters spoke to her, and the wind, oh the wind was like her best friend. The beach was where she came to when she needed to get away. When she needed to escape the hell they called life.

Pulling her feet up on the bench and bringing her knees up to her chest, she looked out into the distance. All she wanted was to be happy. But it was almost as if happiness was afraid of her.

Her eyes clouded with tears as she thought over the last couple months. Things were so good… her life was literally perfect. She had her dream girl, she had just come out and Fifth Harmony was skyrocketing. Why’d she have to ruin it?

Her heart ached as she thought back to the final spilt that happened that morning. Their label had promised the fans exciting news only for everyone to receive the most dreadful. Dinah found it hard to stay in the group after Camila’s departure. Especially after winning their People’s Choice Award and Camila not being able to come up with them. As Dinah announced her leave, Normani couldn’t find it within her to stay when her heart and soul had just left. The second oldest decided to leave alongside Dinah, pretty much destroying any means of continuing their previously undying but now dying success.

Lately she’s been going over the last four years, wondering if it was even worth it to begin with. Was it worth missing out on being a normal teenager? Was it worth passing up college? Was it worth leaving her brother and sister behind? She always knew Fifth Harmony would break up at some point but she definitely did not think they’d end everything before Little Mix. Her heart felt heavy in her chest as she thought about the British group now being the biggest girl group in the world. That use to be them.

Her mind drifted toward her long time girlfriend whom she hasn’t been able to face since the final break up of Fifth Harmony. Lucy has always been there for Lauren but for some reason she couldn’t even face her. How could she? The Colombian had such high hopes for her. Wanted her and the other girls to be so successful and its almost as if she’d let everyone down.

Her and Ally, being the only two left that had wanted to continue Fifth Harmony were forced to terminate their contract as a group, leaving only their solo contracts. Lauren couldn’t even find any form of motivation within her to continue pursuing music. She always had a reason when her girls were by her side but now… everything was numb. She didn’t want to sing or perform ever again.

She didn’t even realize when the tears had started to flow. They just came, and she couldn’t stop them even if she tried. She didn’t care for the stares of concern she got or the group of teenage girls huddled around not far from her snapping photos. She didn’t care for anything. Her heart hurt. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

She gave up everything. Her family, her education, her normalcy. And for what exactly? To continue a group that wouldn’t even make it to its fifth year? She was suppose to be living the dream right now. Traveling with her best friends doing what they loved; performing. She was suppose to be trying new fancy foods at European restaurants and meeting the fans who always seemed to make the fire in her heart light up in flames. She was suppose to be happy. But nope. Here she was, crying in a random Miami beach wishing to go back to the good old days.

Stressed out by Twenty One Pilots came to mind. “Wish we could turn back time… to the good old days,” she whispered to herself.

Standing up, she decided to leave before she ended up on the cover of some rehab magazine with a crazy headline from the paparazzi. The walk to her car felt like centuries. Her feet felt like stone as they moved slowly across the concrete sidewalk. She just wanted to get home and apologize to her girlfriend while cuddling up to her and wishing things would go back to normal.

***

“Babe, you gotta get up,” someone had waken her up from her sleep. Someone as in Lucy.

Opening one eye, she saw her girlfriends soft eyes staring back at her. She grumbled to herself as she turned on her side and brought the blanket up further over her head. Waking up was the last thing on her mind. She wanted to sleep into a coma where no one would ever hurt her again. Fuck the world. It didn’t treat her kindly anyway. “Go away,” she mumbled into the pillow.

She heard Lucy sigh as she got out of bed. “Okay,” she whispered softly. “Just… come to the kitchen whenever you’re up for it.”

Opening her eyes, her shoulder shrunk back at the sound of her girlfriends voice. “Babe… wait,” she called out. Coming out from her cocoon of blankets, she held out her arms with a sad pout. Turning around, Lucy rose an eyebrow. Lauren huffed as she sat all the way up. “I’m sorry,” she muttered out after a few moments.

Lucy shrugged, “It’s okay. You can go back to bed,” she replied, getting ready to leave again.

“Thats the thing Luce, its not,” her heart thumped in her chest loudly as she ran a tired hand through her hair. Not understanding, Lucy slowly made her way back over to the green eyed and sat at the foot of the bed. Lauren gulped lightly, “It’s not okay.”

“What’s not okay?”

Throwing her hands up in exasperation, she sighed loudly. “Everything,” she cursed herself when she felt her voice crack. “Everything is just so fucked up Lucy. Can you believe all that’s happened in the last few months? I was suppose to be the glue that held everyone together and… I failed a simple fucking job,” she beat herself up. It was an awful habit but she couldn’t help it. “Maybe if I was kinder to Camila she wouldn’t have left,” she thought. “Maybe if I wasn’t such an asshole to her all those months, she wouldn’t have left. If i was just kinder she’d still be here, so will Dinah, Normani and Ally. We’d still be a group… we’d still be sister.”

Lucy sighed softly as she reached over to pull her girlfriend in for a much needed hug. “Listen to be Laur,” she spoke softly near her ear. “No matter what you would’ve done, Camila still would have left. This is not your fault. She was working on solo music since Late January of 2016. That’s way back last year. Her goal was to fuck you guys over. She didn’t even show up to any of the meetings Simon arranged before the final spilt,” Lucy paused as she attempted to gather her thoughts. “Dinah, well you know wherever Camila goes, she’ll follow like a lost puppy. Normani would follow Dinah to the fucking moon. Fifth Harmony died when Camila started keeping secrets and that is not your fault nor will it ever be baby girl. I promise.”

Lauren stayed silent for awhile. She wanted to defend Camila, give her the benefit of the doubt. Hope that Lucy may just have a bad impression with her but deep down she knew it was pretty much true. Her chest felt tight as she thought about it. She tried to hold it in… really, she did. But it just came ripping through her. Her body shook slightly as the first sob escaped her lips. She hated crying, especially over something like this. It was over. Done. So why did it still hurt so much?

Why did she even care? Camila left knowing Lauren hated her. Why was it such a big deal now? Why was she blaming herself for Camila’s own selfishness? She needed to get her shit together; fast.

***

Fresh air. That’s what she needed. Her body felt calm and relaxed as she walked through the streets of Miami. For the first time in awhile, the tight aching in her chest had subsided and a small ounce of contentment took over. A faint smile graced her lips as she finally felt herself for a little while.

Counting each palm tree she passed by in her head, a smile formed on her face. Its been awhile since she smiled. Who knew something as small as walking could make her day.

Looking up, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She probably looked crazy with a dopey grin on her lips while staring up at the sky with her eyes closed but she was happy. Nothing was going to ruin this once in a life time moment for her.

Okay, maybe one thing was. Maybe walking with her head titled up and eyes closed wasn’t the best idea. Her bliss instantly vanished and embarrassment took over as she bumped into someone.

Quickly bringing her head back down and opening her eyes, she got ready to apologize but the words got stuck in her throat as she looked at the person before her. Well, people, before her. One of them caught her eye and the other she’s obviously seen through the media that went even crazier than when she had come out.

Before her stood her former bandmate and her supposed girlfriend Lola McKatie who looked an awful lot like her. Previous contentment and happiness got replaced by anger and sadness. She struggled to speak as her eyes stayed glued on the girl who had dyed her hair an ashy brown color. Her brown eyes popped with the new color and her tan skin looked amazing but Lauren was never going to say that out loud. Or anything for that matter.

Shaking her head, she started to walk around the couple when she felt someone grab her arm and call out her name. Someone as in Camila fucking Cabello.

“Lauren, wait,” her voice sounded almost pleading like.

A sarcastic chuckle fell from her lips as she ripped her arm away, “Don’t fucking touch me again,” she growled out with her back still turned to them.

“Laur-”

“Don’t talk to her like that!”

Turning around, Lauren faced Camila’s new girlfriend. She looked her up and down before chuckling to herself. “Yeah, okay. When you stop looking like a human animation of a Bratz Doll.”

The obvious offense in the girls features amused Lauren. Sighing to herself, she spared Camila and her new girl toy one last glance before walking away. A small wave of relief crashed over her when Camila didn’t try to stop her again.

Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she willed the anger to dissolve. Camila wasn’t worth it; pun intended.

Her heart raced in her chest, her stomach feeling queasy as she thought back to just a few moments ago. It feels like its been so long since she’s last seen her but it was merely a few months. She remembered how her chest contracted when she made eye contact with the former band member. How she almost froze. She never understood why and or how Camila was able to make so many emotions cloud her at once by simply doing nothing. It overwhelmed her.

She just needed to get home and forget that encounter. But of course the universe hated her and stopped at nothing to make her life hell.

“Lauren!” Her body froze at the voice.

Stopping in her tracks, she forced her breathing to even out. Why must you hate me God, she thought to herself.

She had half a mind to continue walking but she knew Camila Cabello did not and will not stop. She felt the anxiety creeping up as she turned around to face the girl who seemed to be alone now.

Brown eyes appeared to be on guard as she slowly approached. Lauren watched as Camila visibly gulped harshly before stopping in front of Lauren.

A small awkward silence passed by as the two former bandmates just stared at each other. Sighing, Lauren spoke, “What do you want Camila?”

“Long time no see I guess,” the small Latina mumbled with a small awkward giggle. When Lauren kept her stone like expression, the giggle died off into awkward silence. “I just uh was around and saw you. How are you?”

“Fine,” Lauren answered shortly. Sighing again, she rubbed her forehead in exhaustion. “Again, what do you want Camila?”

“I just wanted to say hi,” she said quietly.

“Well you’ve said it. Bye,” she turned to walk away again when Camila grabbed her arm for the second time that day. Her body went up in flames as the shaky hand took hold of her arm.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out suddenly. Brown orbs swam with anxiety as they darted back and forth. “For-for leaving like that. Please don’t hate me anymore.”

“Then let me in Lauren,” sadness swam in the brown orbs as they pleaded with green ones. “You never let me in anymore. Please let me in…” she whispered.

Backing away from the girl, Lauren shook her head. “Camz…”

“Please,” she whispered.

Looking down, Lauren shook her head. “I stopped letting you in when you started shutting me out,” she said softly.

Prying Camila’s hand off her, she walked away.

***

a/n: fuck, this was so hard for me to write. i hope you guys liked it. sorry for the long break, i just needed to understand where i stood since the news and everything. i hope y'all are still with me. what did you think of this chapter? let me know in the comments and don’t forget to vote.

for my tumblr readers, my wattpad is wthbello and you can comment and vote on this story there too if you’d like. also a bomb ass cover ;) follow me there and check out this story there.

thanks so much for reading all of you.

SORRY I DIDNT EDIT!

ellianna, (elli) xxxxxxxxxxx

#UPDATE #series #non AU #AU #slash #camren #angst drama #romance fluff #submission #coming out

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