#Alexa Reports | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

incorrectbatfam · 3 months

Note

Damian being a gen alpha implies in gen alpha Jon too ...

[at a sleepover]

Damian, whispering: Jon?

Jon: Yeah?

Damian: Our planet is doomed.

Jon: Yeah, it is.

Jon: Wanna sneak downstairs for snacks?

Damian: Sure.

———————

Steph, as a Batburger cashier: Sorry ma'am, that product was discontinued months ago.

Jon: *secretly starts recording*

Margie: You didn't even bother to check! What kind of lazy service is this? No wonder the world is the way it is with your generation. I should call the corporate hotline right now and report you for refusing to serve a paying customer. See how you like it when you lose your job.

Damian: Hey Karen, she said they don't have it anymore. Either get something else or leave. Some of us have places to be.

Margie: And who do you think you are?

Damian, pointing to Jon's camera: The best friend of someone with 150,000 followers.

Jon: Say hi to the internet!

———————

Damian and Jon: *putting up hand-drawn posters around town*

Comm. Gordon: What are you kids doing?

Damian: Advertising our joint channel.

Jon: We're gonna have an epic Cheese Viking and Fortnite mashup tournament.

Damian: Proceeds go to the Wayne Foundation.

Comm. Gordon: *scribbles a note and hands it to them*

Comm. Gordon: If anyone asks you for a permit, it's on me.

———————

Damian and Jon: *huddled around the Batcomputer*

Jon: I think we should sort it by distance instead.

Damian, typing code: Good idea.

Barbara: What's that?

Jon: Our new website.

Damian: It allows people to report stray animals they see without the risk that comes with physical contact.

Barbara: Oh, cool. Carry on.

———————

Kara: What do you want to drink?

Jon: Mountain Dew. Dami, you want one?

Damian: Depends. Is it vegan?

Kara: *starts typing into Google*

Jon: Hey Alexa, is Mountain Dew vegan?

———————

[texting]

Jon: Dami, get on Discord.

Damian: Why?

Jon: Live-action One Piece streaming in the Gay Minecraft server.

———————

Jon: Ms. Kyle, check it out!

Selina: What is it?

Damian: TikTok added a set of Catwoman stickers.

Selina: Show me.

———————

Kate: I still think you are far too young for things like Instagram.

Damian and Jon: *snicker*

Kate: What?

Jon: Well, Ms. Kane, how should we put it...

Damian: No one uses Instagram anymore.

———————

Jon: *takes a 0.5 of him and Damian with Dick in the background*

Damian: You're in our BeReal now. Deal with it.

Dick: What's a BeReal?

———————

Damian, handing Jon a rock: I would like to buy this playhouse.

Jon: Too bad, the economy just disappeared.

Lois: What are you doing?

Jon: We're playing Society.

———————

Damian: Alfred, we're hungry.

Alfred, on the phone: *makes the thumb and pinky gesture and mouths "I'm busy"*

Jon: Huh?

Alfred: I'm on the phone, boys.

Damian: I think he meant this.

Damian: *puts his palm to his ear*

———————

Jon: Parkour!

Jon: *hops over a log*

Jon: Parkour!

Jon: *climbs a tree*

Damian: *recording*

Clark, to Bruce: That's one way to play.

Bruce: Mhm.

Clark: Do you ever get worried about, you know, how these kids are turning out?

Jon: Parkou—

Damian: Wait, stop, there's a bird's egg here. I wonder what species it is.

Jon: I have an app that can scan it.

Bruce, to Clark: I think they're gonna be alright.

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zoyaslai · 2 years

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why is tim hortons so bad? why do i keep going back? why do they cut my bagel like that???!

#it’s a crime and yet everyday i go there like I’m reporting for duty 🫡#alexa text

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decsrice · 2 years

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ivan toney offering pinnock some of his water and helping him up after he knocked heads 🥺

#alexa play accident report in the tall tall weeds by ada limon #laur liveblogs

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hungwy · 1 year

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In a press release, the FTC said that "Ring deceived its customers by failing to restrict employees' and contractors' access to its customers' videos, using customer videos to train algorithms, among other purposes, without consent, and failing to implement security safeguards." In one case, an employee "viewed thousands of video recordings belonging to female users of Ring cameras that surveilled intimate spaces in their homes such as their bathrooms or bedrooms," the FTC said.

That allegedly occurred between June and August 2017 and invaded the privacy of at least 81 female users of Ring products. "The employee wasn't stopped until another employee discovered the misconduct. Even after Ring imposed restrictions on who could access customers' videos, the company wasn't able to determine how many other employees inappropriately accessed private videos because Ring failed to implement basic measures to monitor and detect employees' video access," the FTC said.

...

Amazon completed its purchase of Ring in April 2018. The FTC complaint says that in August 2020, "a whistleblower notified Ring that between March 2018 and September 2019, a former employee had provided Ring devices to numerous individuals and then accessed their videos without their knowledge or consent."

The complaint continued: When the employee left Ring in September 2019, the whistleblower alleged that he took copies of these videos with him—without the knowledge or consent of his unsuspecting victims and without Ring noticing that anything was amiss. In February 2019, Ring changed its access practices so that most Ring employees or contractors could only access a customer's private video with that customer's consent.

"Importantly, because Ring failed to implement basic measures to monitor and detect inappropriate access before February 2019, Ring has no idea how many instances of inappropriate access to customers' sensitive video data actually occurred," the FTC said. "Indeed, Ring only discovered the incidents described above through the good fortune of employee reporting, despite having given employees zero security training and no responsibility to engage in such reporting. It is highly likely that numerous other incidents of spying, prurient behavior, and other inappropriate access occurred entirely undetected."

(emphasis is mine)

#just in case you want some ammo for whenever your parents or whoever get one of these things

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wilwheaton · 2 months

Note

Hey Wil, you probably already know about some of these, but some seem to have multiple possible responses, so why not remind you to try them again?

Alexa device Easter eggs related to Trek (and a bonus for gamers):

Beam me up! Speak Klingon Fire photon torpedoes! Damage report. Red alert! What would Scotty say? Revenge is a dish best served cold. What is your mission? State Starfleet rank and class. What would McCoy say? Do you trust Klingons? What is the prime directive? Set phasers to stun. What is the self-destruct code? Warp 10! Make it so. Engage! Set phasers to kill. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. Live long and prosper.

Bonus - tell her the order of the buttons for the Konami code.

Disclaimer: I stumbled upon a couple and tried them. They worked, but I was using my Firestick and not my Echo because it was late and I didn't want to wake the others in my household. Some may not work anymore. Enjoy

Ha! I didn't know any of this.

There's a Star Trek trivia game (or at least there was at one time) on Alexa, and if you play it, I believe you will be entertained.

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dolldefiler · 2 months

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Alexa, Play the Office Opening Song

[Okay, admittedly this one's cheating since I wrote it a few months ago for some friends as a joke]

C/W: Rough sex

“Come to my office.”

That was all the message said, but that was all Olivia needed to excuse herself from her coworkers, offering up pathetic excuses of needing to find lost files. She’d been waiting all day for him to call her in, knowing how his intense, dark eyes had been following her tight body the whole time. As she got to the door, she paused for a second, taking a deep breath.

She raised a hand and knocked, almost tapped, on the door a couple times.

“Enter,” came the smooth, deep voice of the man on the other side.

She closed the door on her way in. Weeks of the same routine had ingrained that habit in her. His office was large and bright, perhaps unnervingly so. A large window offered views of the city below. He especially liked to press her up against the window late at night, as if to show her off to the world while he used her.

Amidst the modest, dark furnishings, sat a man sipping from a mug. He looked at her, his eyes calm, almost cold. Even now, especially now, she could feel the quiet lust in him as his eyes carelessly wandered over her body, as if she were just an object. A piece of meat to be used. She shivered.

Mr James was handsome in a subtle way. He was older than her, certainly, but she couldn’t tell by how much. He had an agelessness about him that seemed to throw off many people that spoke to him.

“Have you completed the report on the Anderson case yet? I need that by the end of the day.”

He always did this. He’d call her in and ask her about work for a few minutes. They’d dance back and forth, and as she answered him, she felt her frustration build up. Perhaps that’s why he did it. They both knew she wasn’t here to report her work to him. He was going to fuck her.

As they talked, Mr James slowly finished whatever was in his mug and made his way to her. With each step, Olivia could feel her insides clench harder and harder, until he was only a breath away from her. He smelled as he always did, of wood and leather. The smell could bring her to her knees.

She flinched slightly as she felt his hands smooth down her skirt, almost innocently. His eyes were no longer on her own. They were on her body, like a predator looking at his prey. Eventually she stopped talking. He looked up at her.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? You were just telling me about the files you wrote.”

Olivia could barely stand, and he knew it. He could feel the way her body trembled at his touch. The way her pussy throbbed whenever his eyes stripped away her humanity.

“I-...” She didn’t finish that sentence. She couldn’t. A hand had crept up and grazed her chest slightly. His fingers drew across her tits, flicking against her sensitive nipples through her clothes. And then he let go of her. He watched her collapse to the floor, panting, and walked back to his desk, sitting down at the chair.

As she sat there, she realised how red her hands seemed. Shame swept across her. She… Enjoyed this. She looked at Mr James, her teary eyes meeting his own cold eyes.

“To me.”

She knew what he wanted. What he had demanded. And she would serve. With trembling arms, she slowly got on all fours. She crawled to him. Like an animal. Like a needy bitch in heat. Because that’s all she was to him. Not a secretary. Barely a human. Just a sex toy, to fuck, fondle, and grope.

She crawled between his legs, and looked up again, her face flush with embarrassment. This was where she belonged.

“Good girl.”

Her eyes closed, and she felt his hands wander across her. She felt a thumb enter her mouth, and the other hand crawl down between her cleavage. Her breath was ragged as she felt his fingers meet her lingerie.

“Well, what do we have here? Are you wearing something special for me, puppet? Why don’t we take those silly clothes off of you first.”

His voice was gentle but firm, and as his hands stripped her layer by layer, she shivered in the cold of the room. He’d made her stand up to shimmy her pencil skirt off her.

“Open your eyes and look at me.”

She stood there, knowing he was watching her shame. Bright red, lacy lingerie that plastered itself to her skin. There was only one reason why she’d wear this to the office, and he knew it.

In an instant, she felt a hand close around her neck and another slap her firmly across her face. She almost jumped back. Her eyes snapped open and she looked at him. She must have looked confused because his uncaring eyes only stared back at her.

“I told you to open your eyes.”

His voice was rougher, lacking its previous gentleness. He shoved a few fingers down her throat as he spoke.

“You’ve been a good little slut for me by dressing up, so I won’t punish you. You won’t be disobeying me again now, will you?”

Olivia moaned in response, but clearly Mr James didn’t care if it were in confirmation. Taking his hand off her throat, he grabbed her hair roughly and pushed down, until she was on her knees. Until she was pressed against his hard cock. He smirked at her.

“Do you see what you’ve done now? Good girls should always finish what they started.”

She leant into his zipper, her teeth finding the small chunk of metal and pulled down. All while she looked at piercing eyes. She hated those eyes and loved them at the same time. It was as if he couldn’t see a respectable, young woman in front of him, but a three-holed fucktoy instead. If she looked in the mirror right now, she’d agree. Nothing could turn her on more than his eyes.

Gently and slowly she fished out his cock with her mouth, bobbing on it slightly. He never gave her any indication of how well she did. She simply stroked the length of his dick with her tongue, worshipping it, lavishing her new god with service. And then he got bored of her devotion.

Pressing both hands against the back of her head, he slammed his cock into her mouth, causing her to gag. He didn’t care. He thrust his shaft back and forth, using her warm, tight hole like a fleshlight. This was where she belonged. This was what she was meant for.

In the background she heard footsteps wander outside the door. She froze, remembering that she’d forgotten to close the blinds to Mr James’ office. But he didn’t care. He simply used her, sliding into her, fucking her throat again and again.

He finally pulled out of her throat, strings of saliva connecting her mouth and his cock.

“S-sir, the blinds!” Olivia managed to spit out, before he shoved himself down her throat again.

“Shh, you little slut. If they see us, then they see us.”

Olivia felt her pussy clench at his words. If anyone walked past the office, they’d see Mr James fuck his slutty secretary’s mouth, as if she were a common whore!

Before she knew it, he’d bent over his desk, her ass on display for him. His hand pressed her head against the cold, wooden desk. She felt another hand slip in between her lacy panties, and couldn’t help but moan as his fingers buried themselves into her hot cunt.

She groaned as he played with her, rubbing her, touching her, fingering her as he leant down and whispered all sorts of obscenities into her ear. Of how he’d trained her up to be the perfect secretary for him. How he’d send her home every night filled with his cum. How in the end, she’d only be good as a cum receptacle for him. She lost track of time and his words, his fingers the only things that existed in her world.

And soon she felt his warmth leave her. She looked up in confusion, before feeling his slam into her tight cunt. She gasped as she felt his length unprompted. A hand around the back of her neck shoved her head back against the table. Sharp sounds followed as his other hand spanked her ass, each slap eliciting a moan from Olivia at the mix of pain and pleasure.

Between the intense pounding, she could barely see heels walk outside the office, entering and leaving her view. A single sideways glance and the entire office would know that she was her boss’ bitch. And she loved it. As she moaned louder, his hand clamped over her mouth. She bit down against his fingers. He shoved them back down her throat roughly, his balls slapping against her ass more intensely as he fucked her slutty holes animalistically.

They were one, as he drew back and forth, driving his cock deep inside her leaky mess of a pussy over and over. He needed this just as much as she did. And neither of them cared about getting caught.

She could no longer take it. She felt her legs give way and her cunt clench against his cock as she came. And as she did, she felt his thick, heavy cum flood her, leaking out and trailing against her legs. They lay on his desk for a few minutes, the silence filled with a cacophony of heavy breathing.

Mr James got up and pulled his dick out of her, and for a moment her world went dark as he no longer filled her.

“Let’s get you cleaned up and out of here for lunch now, sweetheart.”

Olivia smiled. “Yes sir.”

#smut #rough kink #rough cnc #degradation k1nk

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mostlymarvelsstuff · 9 months

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First Lessons

Authors note: I'm a day late (so sorry Remi), but, Happy birthday @cthulhus-curse ! Hope you enjoy the drabble!

Authors note 2.0: you all (who arent Remi) should read Chrome Hearts by @cthulhus-curse first 😁

Authors note 3: lmao well this is embarrassing, this author deleted their existence and works and also apparently didn't wanna be my friend soooo idk what to do here. Do I keep this up?? I guess I will for those that read and remember the story? Idk

Summary: Android Natasha teaches Android Wanda how to give Y/n a proper blowjob

Warnings: Reader has a penis, sexual content (blowjob)

Word count: 1653 Marvel Masterlist WandaNat Masterlist

Normally you did your work, well, at work. But ever since you’d brought Wanda home you’d found yourself doing a bit more of it here, outside the company's guidelines and surveillance. You’d always had an at home office, used for the occasional small project, some paperwork, or even finishing up a report on your laptop. But now it was fully decked out with a state of the art computer system and monitors, various tools, android schematics, and different parts and pieces for potential upgrades.

Though it was nice to be able to do most things at home now, you worried you’d end up zoning out and losing track of time while toiling away on something, much like you did at work. And the mere idea of accidentally ignoring Wanda made your stomach twist. Thankfully she was a particularly curious and clingy creature, and she would happily interrupt to inquire about something, get affection from you, or go on some type of adventure.

Tonight was not one of those nights however, as the adorable android had discovered the nature channel, and has since been firmly planted on the sofa. When you’d last checked on her she’d been watching a program on kittens, much to her delight. And you had to admit she did look really cute while infatuated with the program, so you didn’t mind her absence. What you did mind though, was the uncomfortable tightening in your pants you were beginning to feel.

You let out an annoyed huff as you lean back in your chair, and resign to the fact that you were now incredibly horny. As random as this was, it wasn’t unusual for you to get a boner out of nowhere. So you do what you've always done and unzip your pants, letting the bulge in your boxers have a bit more room. But before you can take things any further, a hand trails across your shoulder and you nearly jump out of your skin.

“Sorry master, I did not mean to startle you” Natasha voices as she stands beside you, her eyes glued to your crotch

You see where she's gazing and can’t help but smirk. It's been apparent since you brought the other android home that you had her attention, and that always made you feel good. Though you’ve yet to determine if she gives you this attention because she feels much like Wanda does or if it was solely due to her programmed settings.

Where Project Scarlet Witch was meant to be a walking talking Alexa, Project Black Widow was meant to be less focused on the mind and more on the body. And after getting to know Wanda and discovering her humanity, you couldn’t allow the other android to fall into Tony Starks hands, where he would run an ungodly amount of vigorous tests on her before deeming her ready for the mass market. And you just couldn’t allow that, because if she truly was just like Wanda then each of her copies would be as well. Which meant you'd be tainting her sense of wonder and curiosity, ignoring the fact was also more human than anticipated, and willingly giving her over to consumers who only saw her as a lifeless object to use and abuse as they pleased. Natasha deserved better than that. So you did much like you did with the first android, woke her up and brought her home.

“Its ok Nat” you tell her, enjoying the way her touch feels as her hand moves to the back of your neck, her fingers

“Do you want my help, master?”

You take a moment to think, because to be honest yes, you would love her help. Android or not she was gorgeous, and you know she has the programming to make you feel amazing. But at the same time, you hardly know her yet and you don’t want to take advantage of her. You want her to know she's more than what she was designed for.

“Do you want to help?”

She's a bit taken aback by this question. She's well aware of what she was designed for, she knows her programing. And since you are her creator she figured you would expect her to carry out those things without hesitation or question. Having a choice isn’t something she really expected. But then again knowing what she does about you, it does make sense. You are incredibly kind, and have been nothing but gentle and patient with both her and Wanda. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t understand the other androids infatuation with you.

“Yes” she admits, “Please master, let me help you feel good?”

You spin in your office chair to face her, “If that's what you really want, then go ahead baby”

She ignores the way the pet name makes her feel and lowers herself to her knees in front of you, letting her hands caress your thighs as her hands move up towards the waistline of your boxers. She eagerly pulls them down, feeling herself getting even more aroused by the sight of your dick. She looks up at you through her lashes, and you have to hold back an audible groan at the sight. She continues to hold eye contact as she lowers her mouth to take the head of your cock. You hum in approval as she gently sucks, running her tongue along the underside.

“Feels so good baby” you praise, watching her through hooded eyes as she gets accustomed to having you in her mouth

Determined to take all of you, she relaxes her throat and lowers her head even further. Without thinking your hand flys to the back of her head to guide her until her lips are meeting your skin and she's gagging. Your first instinct is to apologize for forcing yourself down her throat but when you open your mouth only a moan escapes you

She hums around you, letting you know she's content with this, while also causing you to twitch inside her. Spurred on by feeling this she begins to bob her head up and down at a steady pace, pulling a symphony of sounds from you in the process

Wrapped up in each other, neither of you hear the patterning of soft footsteps making their way towards your office, or the sound of the nearly shut door creaking open, “Master, are you oka- oh.”

She stands there, mouth agape as she takes in the scene before her. Seeing Natasha taking you down her throat has her feeling both incredibly between her legs, but also a bit jealous that the other android had been allowed to partake in this task first. When the redhead's eyes flick over to her she whimpers, which is what finally gains your attention.

Your head turns to her, and you're filled with guilt at her finding you like this. You didn’t want to upset her, or make her think anything was different between the two of you. But then you notice the way her thighs are clenched together and how her teeth sink into her bottom lip

“Come here princess” She quickly obliges and comes to stand right next to your office chair, “Natasha has programming you don’t, she's using it right now to take care of me. Would you like to learn how to do this too?”

She eagerly nods, “Yes master, I want to take care of you too”

“What do you think, baby?” you ask, looking down at Nat, “Wanna teach Wanda?”

She nods and reaches out to take the brunette's hand, pulling her down to her knees as well. Wanda watches as the other android slows down a bit, letting her uneducated friend observe every movement of her tongue, lips and head. After a few moments of this however, you can no longer stand the slow pace. You gently shove her head back down your shaft, further and faster than her own movements and she gets the idea. She continues at the speed you set for her.

“Fuck…just like that Natty”

The nickname that spills from your lips has something unusual stirring within her chest, but she doesn’t have time to focus on it as her focus is solely getting you over the edge. She reaches a hand up to fondle your balls and Wanda watches in awe as your abdominal muscles tighten and a heavenly sound of pleasure leaves you.

Natasha stays still for a moment, letting you empty everything you had into her awaiting mouth before she pulls away with an audible pop. She pants lightly as she looks up at you, not used to her systems working at such a pace but she is clearly not having any troubles

“Did I do good, master?” she asks, clearly a bit nervous despite the way she just drained you

You reach out and cup her face, “You did so good, baby. I haven’t felt anything like that in quite some time”

She smiles proudly at you before her attention is taken away by Wanda tugging on her shirt sleeve, “Do you….do you think you could walk me through it my first time? Watching was helpful, but I still fear it would not be an entirely pleasurable experience for our master without some more guidance”

“Oh you are adorable” she lets slip before she can process it, causing both of them to have cheeks as pink as the carnations growing in your garden. You don’t call either of them out on it though, you let them have their bonding moment, “I can instruct you, as long as master is alright with that”

“Of course” you reply, looking at both of them with pure adoration. Who would have guessed that the androids you created for work projects would wind up being so much more. They truly were your partners now, robotic or not. And you couldn’t imagine life without either of them.

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#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda x y/n #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel

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