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nohaijiachi · 7 months

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Why I Think The Fandom Has Been Doing Aziraphale Dirty Ever Since Season 1 And It's Only Gotten Worse With Season 2 And It's Killing Me Inside

Before we get into the subject matter of the title let me preface a couple of things:

1- All that will follow is, big surprise, my opinion and my interpretation of this character. Do I think I am The One And Only Who Gets The Blorbo Right and that my ideas are 100% the way the author(s) intended to convey the character? No.

More likely than not the way I see Aziraphale could be intensely different from the way Authorman sees him, or Actorman sees him, and I don't think that my interpretation is necessarily any more correct than anybody's else.

That said, if I also did not think that I am, in fact, correct on a certain level, I wouldn't have bothered forming such a thought out opinion of Aziraphale in the first place, nor would be sitting here, writing this post that I can already tell is going to be entirely too long and might probably ruffle some feathers.

So I'll be writing the rest of this post with the caveat that I while I do think my interpretation correct, I'm also not trying to change anybody's mind nor to discredit anybody's else interpretation of Aziraphale. We can sit here in the sandpit and hold different opinions and still be able to build sandcastles together, it really isn't that deep at the end of the day; I can assure you, I'm not here to fight nor cause fights with this one.

2- With the above point, comes also the fact that I won't bother continuously saying "In my opinion" for the rest of this post. You already know that. So, if something will come across as a bit caustic, do know that it is very much tongue in cheek and I am poking a bit of fun at general fannish habits that I am also very much quote-unquoute 'guilty' of having partaken into, and will partake into again plenty of times in the future, I'm sure.

So, with that: Here's Why I Think The Fandom Has Been Doing Aziraphale Dirty Ever Since Season 1 And It's Only Gotten Worse With Season 2 And It's Killing Me Inside

A large part of the people comprising this fandom prefers Crowley. There, I said it.

This fandom's preference blatantly skews toward Crowley. Can we admit that openly? Let's admit that openly.

To be clear, this isn't meant to be an accusation or recrimination or any other -ation you can think of, I am merely stating matter-of-factly a phenomena I've observed in the last four years.

It is also not a wrong nor bad thing in any way, shape or form. I adore Crowley myself. I love them both so much it's unreal.

But I started with that because I think it is very much a symptom of the fact that a lot of people don't get Aziraphale.

I remember back with S1 there had been plenty of times when I found myself reading discussions and opinion exchanges about Aziraphale and Crowley, their dynamics, all the things that went unsaid behind the things that were said, and found myself genuinely surprised by seeing how some people interpreted certain moments wildly different from how I personally saw them.

I look back at that and I think "Oh, sweet summer child". Nothing could have prepared me from the onslaught of takes about Aziraphale that make me go "Good lord, what???" in the wake of S2, and the infamous Last Fifteen.

Now because I don't want to be pointing fingers at specific things and risk upsetting somebody more than I already am by being open in admitting that, guys, yes, some of the takes y'all have been sharing make me go "Yikes(tm)", I'll move on the interesting part and what I would actually love to discuss, aka cracking Aziraphale's head open and see what that actual fuck is going on in there.

Another preface: Because this duo is intrinsically linked and woven together it is downright impossible to only focus on Aziraphale without also mentioning Crowley, so... Let me circle back to our fav demon bae for a sec, here.

I think the reason why it seems that a larger part of the fandom favors Crowley is because I feel like Crowley is a much easier character to grasp. He is very open in his thoughts and feelings, at any given moment us, the audience, have a much easier time watching a scene and sort of ruminating in the back of our heads about Crowley's motivations for saying the things he says and doing the things he does.

That isn't to say Crowley is a less complex character than Aziraphale. They are very much equally complex and multifaceted individuals with their strengths and weaknesses, their issues and the way they each cope with them, how differently they approach their existence and so on and so forth.

But whereas Crowley as a character presents itself with a certain dynamism and a far more outward openness about his complexity, Aziraphale does the exact opposite; we can say Aziraphale is downright hermetic about it.

For us, the audience, he presents a challenge that requires a good deal of thought being put into him to see over the facade he presents at a more superficial level; he requires time and effort to fully dismantle him in our minds to try and see what makes him thick (other than his thighs), and thus I think it is entirely natural that more people latch on the far easier to identify-with, and relate-to, Crowley.

And that is the inevitable consequence of everything that makes Aziraphale... Well, Aziraphale.

So, where to start? Let's try and jot down what Aziraphale truly is at his core.

He is a contradiction.

This man-shaped being is a walking contradiction, constantly existing in a state of being coated in three thousand layers of misdirection and obfuscation and double thinking.

Why is that? Well. He's an angel.

Aziraphale loves being an angel. It is a tenet of his entire existence and something he cherishes. He wants, so very much, to be his ideal of what a good angel is: An entity who is kind and loving and understanding and forgiving.

Of course us, the audience, know that is utter bullshit, because we know angels can be individuals just as complex as the humans Aziraphale loves so much, with all their inherent flaws and capability for cruelty. And, on a certain level, Aziraphale knows that too.

So there we have it, one element of contradiction: Aziraphale wants to think that angels are always Good and Righteous and Never Wrong; Aziraphale knows that angels aren't, in fact, always Good and Righteous and, by god, can they make plenty of mistakes, too.

What else? How about Aziraphale sitting there, being in love with a demon, fully knowing that at the end of the day demons really ain't that different from angels, and also desperately hanging onto the concept of Good vs Bad.

And he sits there, existing with these two contrasting idea equally taking space in his mind, neither side ever capable of taking over the other.

What else do we have? Aziraphale loves God and wants so hard to believe in Her love for humanity and Her ineffable plan, and Aziraphale also time and again does things that very blatantly go against Her will, lies to Her face, and Doubts. He Doubts, a lot, and that requires the capital letter because those Doubts are what spur him in going against everything he's ever told to believe in order to do the right thing.

Aziraphale's very existence is a constant push-and-pull of things he wants to believe and things he knows are real; things he's told to do and things he wants to do. That's how we get "My side" and "there's a bit of good in you" and "you are the bad guys".

And nothing he's lived through has managed to break him out of this unhealthy way of existing quite yet; that's why he acts the way we see him act in the Edinburgh flashback in S2, or at the start of S1 when Crowley has to ease Aziraphale into the idea of trying to stop Armageddon with the usual song and dance of "temptation" and "plausible deniability" and "you'd be thwarting me", even though from the start we can tell there's a little part of Aziraphale who is clearly not at ease with the idea of the end of the world, and once he's been given 'permission' by Crowley nudging him, he is all the way in with the whole saving the world business, not take-backsies.

Both the moments I mentioned here are very important for different reasons, but of the two is very much the Edinburgh flashback that gets a lot more flack by the fandom and is blatantly misunderstood, which I think is the inevitable consequence of that minisode immediately following the glorious, beautiful, heartbreaking piece of art that is the "A companion to owls" minisode.

I've seen a lot of people lamenting that Aziraphale acts obnoxiously in the Edinburgh flashback and, yeah. He does. But I feel like the fact that we are seeing this after watching Aziraphale struggle his way through saving Job's children, even being willing to go to Hell for it, is a though act to follow and probably soured Edinburgh-Aziraphale for a lot of people, made them think that the character had regressed instead of progressing.

But, see, the way he acts is wholly congruous with who Aziraphale is and has always been and keeps being up to the very end of S2. Yes, even after what he does for Job's children.

If you get down to it, Aziraphale had been ready to give up and let the children die, in episode 2. For a brief moment, after Crowley told him he 'longed to destroy the blameless children', Aziraphale was walking away, having tried all he thought he could try to do to stop this senseless act. That was until Crowley tested him by making the crows bleat, cuing Aziraphale to the fact that his impression of Crowley wasn't wrong, and the he could count on him to do the right thing.

To be clear, I don't want to undermine Aziraphale's action by only giving the credit to Crowley but... It is, also, only thanks to Crowley cajoling him and giving him the right excuses, that Aziraphale feels safe in doing what he's always wanted to do all along.

He'd wanted to save Job's children, and thought he couldn't until Crowley threw him that hell of a lifesaver. He wanted to save the world and thought he couldn't until Crowley nudged him on the path of plausible deniability.

He wanted to save Elspeth's eternal soul, blinding himself to the hardships she'd have to endure in her not-eternal life, and was smacked right in the face by the reality of human suffering multiple times.

The way Aziraphale acts in that flashback can't be a regression, because there never was a progression in the first place: He'd always walked the line between Heaven's and God's will and his own, personal morality and sense of justice.

By all means, if we look at Uz-Aziraphale and modern-day-Aziraphale at the start of S1, his reticence about the whole saving the world business should, by all means, appear as a regression as well. You mean to tell me that he'd been ready to become a demon for the sake of three mortal children, and then suddenly a handful of thousands years later when faced with the prospect of the whole world going up in flames he'd just be all like "Heaven will triumph over Hell and it will be all rather lovely"? Like, fuck off, Aziraphale, you lying double-thinker, you (/pos)

Aziraphale constantly exist while being at war with himself. Circumstances have allowed him to rebel the will of Heaven and God more or less safely time and again, but he never quite managed to break free entirely. He'd always ended up being reeled back in, being fed the party lines, being made to feel shame for his independent thinking, until it all becomes too much and he is forced to step back from that freedom he'd been inches away from grasping.

Back and forth, back and forth, never stopping.

And all of this, all of what he is, makes it so hard for us, the audience, to truly see him. To truly grasp him. To truly watch any given scene with him and figure out what he might be thinking or feeling.

To understand Aziraphale is to understand what he is not saying when he says something, which is a good deal harder to do than it is to understand and relate to a character like Crowley, who very much revel in saying exactly whatever the heck he thinks whenever he damn well pleases.

All those layers of obfuscation and misdirection and double thinking that Aziraphale coats himself in are as much an armor that makes it harder for the audience to understand him as they are his very own downfall because, good lord, if you exist like that, if you exist forced to keep things hidden from yourself, well... It's inevitable that at some point you are going to stumble into pitfalls of your own making.

And I love him for it.

So, there? I hope I managed to explain something with this post, and that it wasn't just the rambling of someone who spends way too much time thinking about her blorbos. To be clear, I don't think people who haven't spent as much time as me trying to dissect and better understand Aziraphale's character are like, dumber than me or anything. It's just that this pair of angelic-demonic blorbos take too much real estate in my mind, lol.

Feel free to let me know your opinion and if you think I am wildly off mark and my Take Is Bad. I might answer, I might not, it all depends on time and my mood ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

#good omens #good omens 2 #meta #aziraphale #I love one(1) hypocritical angel #flaws and all #I want to create an Aziraphale protection squad sometimes

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izukuisbaby · 2 years

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⊹˚.⋆ OUR FAVOURITE DILFS WITH A FAMOUS S/O - JUJUTSU KAISEN

℘. flora's notes : I've had this idea forever but I couldn't manage to write it UNTIL NOW. my idea was that reader is a model so it's kind of based on that, though you are free to be famous for whatever reason u want 💀

℘. send me a request ! : i would love to write this for other jjk characters (especially TOJI) but please give me ideas cuz i can't find anything :((

℘. gn, male, female reader 💓

m.list | comment and reblog if you enjoyed ! i am not posting at peek hours i would rly appreciate it if u could reblog w related tags 🥰

★ 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎

℘. he 100% stalked you on your socials and knew everything about you

℘. it's also very likely that he slid into your DMs shamelessly

℘. something cringe like : " what a pretty human in a pretty restaurant, we should go there together sometime 😏"

℘. but we all know this mf, he didn't stop at ONE DM

℘. no, his name is elegantly followed by "9+ messages" all of them being cringe pick up lines to beg you to go on a date with him 😍

℘. and you eventually agreed but it was mostly for him to leave you in peace

℘. he was convinced you'd fall for his charms and unfortunately, he was right... can't blame you I would too

℘. and since your first kiss - which was an officialization of your relationship to him - he would not shut up about it

℘. everytime y'all are out in public he makes it clear he's your boyfriend for the paparazzis

℘. gojo loves attention... so he LOVES paparazzis

℘. he thinks y'all are the most goal couple to exist and brags about it

℘. "y/n, can you imagine what other people must think of us : "the strongest and the most famous (your job of choice), they were meant to be"

℘. you have 100% your own ship name and fanpages, you're labeled as the "hot couple" who is edited on tik tok 24/7

℘. I don't think I insisted enough on how he BOASTS about dating you to whoever shows a spark of interest in his life

℘. the poor nanami hears about it every second of the day and is FED UP with it, but his last straw was when gojo was talking about you to a curse they were suppose to eliminate...

℘. he has you and him on a fun fair date as a wallpaper and purposely leaves his phone on during meetings so everyone can see he's dating you... and also to get yet another occasion to brag

⊹

★ 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎

℘. HE WOULD BE SO SUPPORTIVE

℘. he will attend all of your shows and interviews, always on the front row. sometimes walking for a show can be pretty stressful for you but seeing his angel face calms you down and gives you back your confidence in an instant <3

℘. ... he's very active on LinkedIn and he reposts your achievements/front pages with a professional yet sweet and admirative commentary

℘. he likes to go backstage before your shows so he can give you one last forehead kiss and compliment

℘. never hesitates to tell paparazzis to back off, he doesn't like his privacy invaded but he will gladly take pictures of you with a fan for them

℘. his favourite photo that he has everywhere is one a selfie you took before a show with a world renowned brand. you looked so stunning and confident, it never fails to make him smile when he looks at it

℘. i feel like he didn't really know you, just saw you from one or two front pages but it didn't click until you told him you were a (your job)

℘. i don't know why but i think you would have met on a dating app 😭 like nanami is tired of being single and he told gojo about it WHO OBVIOUSLY WAS KIN ON HELPING ! and he got to discover your personality first, which is the most precious part of you in his opinion

℘. because yes you ARE attractive but no one but him knows the part of you that is the most beautiful and he loves that

℘. i think he can't help but be a bit jealous that people simp over you so he would never refuse to take a cute picture for the world to see

℘. on your third date, he asked you to be his partner and gave you a ring as an officialization. since them, you've been wearing it as a lucky charm and you never take it off

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burntheedges · 22 days

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Maintenance Request Chapter 21

Joel Miller x f!reader | new chapter every Friday 18+ | ao3 | main post & chapter list chapter word count: 3.5k

chapter summary: back to work! and where is it that Joel works, exactly? 🤔

a/n: well, y'all, this is chapter 21 of 23. there are two more chapters and an epilogue, which will be posted on 5/24. so Maintenance Request will be fully posted this month. I can barely believe it. I'm feeling emotional about it so I might do some sort of fun ask thing as we get closer to the end. thank you all for reading. 🧡 and thank you as always to @katareyoudrilling for being the best beta 💕

chapter tags/warnings: flirting, kissing, lingerie mention, bra and chest mention, cursing, pet names (darlin’, baby, honey, cowboy, sweetheart, good girl, gorgeous), smut: groping, teasing, semi-public sex, desk sex, p-in-v sex, dirty talk, cuddling

Chapter 21

Friday, November 22 Thirteenth week of the semester

In the week after your successful brunch with Ellie, you felt lighter than air as you walked around campus. You knew you were smiling a lot, more than normal. You even smiled at Trevor once and he looked so taken aback and panicked that you almost laughed.

On Friday, you were meant to meet up and go to dinner after work, but Joel texted you that he was running behind just as you were packing up your bag. You decided to go find him at his office, which you still had never been to. You knew what building it was in, of course, but that was it.

As you walked across campus to the maintenance and grounds office, you realized that you still didn’t know what Joel’s role was, exactly. Or his title. You’d been assuming he was on the maintenance crew, but now that you really thought about it, that didn’t make sense. He was out and about too much and you’d seen him working with too many different teams of people.

Maybe he was actually with landscaping? But then why would he take maintenance requests?

You puzzled over it as you turned the corner and the small quad in front of the building with his office came into view. It was a nice green space tucked away in a corner of campus you rarely visited, since most of the buildings were administrative. Glancing around, you wondered why you’d never bothered to look up his role. Maybe it had just seemed straightforward until you tried to figure out what his actual title might be, just now.

As you entered and looked around the office, you noticed their front desk admin had already gone home for the weekend. You shrugged, and started to walk down the hallway of offices, figuring you’d find the one with his name on it eventually.

You passed the first few, brows furrowed, looking for his name and not finding it. You started to wander further down the hall to where you assumed the bosses’ offices would be. Maybe you passed it?

And then you saw it. The last office, in the corner – the one you figured would have a nice view of the small quad outside. And there was Joel’s name on the door.

Joel Miller, Director Construction, Facilities, Landscaping Landscape Architect

Your jaw dropped open. Director?

He was the boss? Of the entire department?!

You weren’t sure how long you stood there, mouth open, staring at the door, when suddenly it opened. Joel wasn’t looking up as he came through it – he had his eyes on his phone and his bag on his shoulder.

“Joel!” You almost shouted his name, too shocked to do anything else. He startled, eyes flying up to catch yours.

“Shit!” He shook his head. “Baby, I had no idea you were here.” He dropped his bag and pressed a hand to his chest. “Shit,” he repeated, taking a deep breath. “Where’d you come from?”

You ignored the question, too aghast at your discovery. “Joel Miller, are you the freaking boss?”

He blinked, looking taken aback. “Ah, yes, darlin’. I am.” He slipped his phone in his pocket and sort of gestured towards the nameplate on his door as he smiled at you, obviously confused.

“Joel!”

“... darlin’?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You felt like your mind was spinning and you couldn’t keep up, totally overwhelmed by this new information. “I thought you were, like, a maintenance guy!”

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “I honestly thought you’d guessed, I suppose.”

“No!” He started to look a little worried and you realized maybe you were overreacting. You reached out to take his hand, lacing your fingers through his. The touch grounded you and you squeezed his hand. “Joel! I had no idea.”

He laughed. “Well, at first, I suppose I didn’t want you to be even more angry with me. You kept sayin’ I wasn’t the boss, so you couldn’t blame me for all the problems I was causin’ you.”

You groaned and leaned forward to rest your forehead on his shoulder. “I was so terrible.”

“Nah, baby, you were rightfully annoyed. And I didn’t want to admit I was in charge of the construction schedule. Or that I’d ordered the flowers.”

That last point startled you, and you laughed as you leaned back to look at him. “Oh, Joel, I’m sorry. They were pretty, though. Even if they made me sneeze.”

He shook his head. “Won’t be putting in any more of those.”

You rolled your eyes. “You can’t plan the landscaping for the entire university around my allergies.”

He raised his eyebrows at you. “Oh? I am the boss, you know. I can do what I like.”

You laughed again, but then stopped when something struck you and you tugged on his hand. “Joel, did you make your employees change out the flower beds around my building?!”

He smirked at you. “Nah, darlin’, I did that myself. Didn’t take too long.”

Your mouth dropped open. “You did all of that work? By yourself?”

“I wasn’t about to make my staff do it. Felt like askin’ ‘em to help me with something that wasn’t their job.”

You sighed, and smiled at him as another thought occurred to you. You raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, Mr. Director, speaking of things that aren’t your job, what were you doing taking maintenance requests, anyway?”

He grinned, a little sheepish again. “Well, I was filling in while we were short handed. Don’t usually do ‘em. Or leave my office so much. But I saw your name on the request, and, well.” He hesitated, and then nodded. “I was already leavin’ the office more, hoverin’ around our different work sites, on the off chance I’d run into you again. Was drivin’ the crew a little crazy, to be honest.”

You laughed, astonished. “You were?”

He nodded. “They were already givin' me grief for being around so much. ‘Don’t you have paperwork to do,’ and so on.” He laughed and lifted his free hand to trace his fingerstips down your arm. “When they saw you kiss me that day a few of ‘em put it together, why I was always around. When that maintenance request came through, it was right when I was beatin’ myself up and worryin’ I’d never get another chance to talk to you. Felt like fate.”

You smiled, charmed. “Maybe it was.” You looked at him, and then at his name on the door, and smirked. You dropped his hand and rested both of your palms on his chest. “You know, Mr. Director,” you started, pushing him and his bag backwards into his office and letting the door close behind you. “We haven’t christened your office yet.”

Joel grinned as he let himself be pushed, looking surprised and delighted. “No, honey, I don’t suppose we have.”

You took a moment to look around his office and you noticed he did, in fact, have a nice view of the quad. You felt his eyes on you as you walked over and shut the blinds. With the overhead lights off the room was suddenly darker, cast in soft shadows.

When you turned back and grinned at him he was already looking at you, eyes intent. “So, Mr. Director. Tell me. Any office fantasies I should know about?”

A slow smile crept over Joel’s face, and you felt your cheeks heat as it turned into something wicked. “Well, baby, I have to admit I have pictured you in here a time or two. In a couple daydreams.”

You bit your lip as you walked towards him and he reached out to grasp your hips to pull you closer. “Oh? And what was I doing in these dreams?”

He leaned in and pressed his smile to your cheek in a kiss. His voice was deep and gravelly as he murmured, “lettin’ me bend you over this desk. Sittin’ on my lap on the couch. Lying down across the desk and letting me get my mouth on your pussy. Will you let me do that, gorgeous?”

You shivered and nodded.You felt heat climbing up your spine as his words inspired images in your mind. “Which one, Joel?” You had no idea where to start.

Joel grinned as he leaned back to catch your eye again. “C’mere, baby.” He pulled you into a searing kiss that stole your breath and drove away whatever thoughts you’d been about to have. You were pretty sure by this point that you were never going to get used to the way this man kissed you.

As he moved his lips against yours, his hands slid down your back and crept under your shirt. You smiled and lifted your arms when prompted so he could pull it off. “Hmm, well, isn’t this pretty?” You followed his gaze down to your chest and the lacy bra that had caught his eye.

“Well, we did have a date planned. I know how much you like it.”

“I do like it, honey,” he confirmed as he thumbed over your nipple through the lace. You hummed. “And it’s even better when I know you’ve got it on but I’m the only one who gets to see it.”

Suddenly he wrapped his arms around you and spun you around so that you were leaning against the desk. “Take a seat, baby.” As you did, he gently freed your breasts from the lacy cups of your bra, licking over his bottom lip in concentration. “You are so goddamn gorgeous. Should just keep you right here, just like this. Would be great motivation for me, you know.”

You laughed when he winked at you. “Joel, I feel like that would be the opposite of motivation to get your work done.”

He pressed his smile against your own in a sweet kiss. “But then I could do this whenever I want.” He pulled you into a deeper kiss and thumbed your pants open at the same time.

You broke away and sucked in a breath as he tugged your pants down. Soon you were almost naked while he stood fully clothed in front of you, eyes dark. Something about the contrast made your heart start to pound.

“Well, Director Miller. Bend me over this desk.”

Joel let out a sound that sounded almost like a growl and stepped forward to grasp your hips again. He pulled you from the desk and flipped you around, pressing up against you from behind. You could feel his hard cock in his pants.

“Just like this, baby.” He pressed a line of kisses down your neck and you fell forward onto your elbows. “Shit, yeah, just like that.” He snaked his right hand down your side and over your ass until he could slip it between your legs to cup your pussy firmly from behind. “Honey, you are soakin’.”

You huffed a laugh. “You said you were going to take me over this desk, Joel, what did you expect?”

He bit your shoulder lightly. “You are so sexy, baby. Can’t wait to slip inside you.” Keeping his hand in place, Joel pushed forward and curled his middle finger until it rested against your entrance. You gasped. “You always feel so good.”

Joel kept pushing forward with his finger until it slipped inside you and you moaned, maybe too loudly. But everyone else was already gone for the day. He pressed kisses down your spine and you could feel that he was grinning.

“More, Joel–” you breathed. “Fuck me, cowboy.”

His hips stuttered against your own and he swore, lowly. “Yeah? Was gonna warm you up, sweetheart.”

You shook your head. “Already warmed up. Want you inside me.”

He nodded and reached down to quickly undo his pants. You felt his cock slip free and slide against your ass. You wiggled your hips and spread your legs wider in front of him.

He groaned. “Fuck do you look good like this.” He trailed his fingertips down your back and you shivered again. He slid his cock between your legs and you dropped your head to rest on your forearm, suddenly out of breath.

“Please–” you started to urge him forward, but he was already moving.

“That’s my good fucking girl.” He was breathing hard, too. You felt the head of his cock enter you and gasped. The angle was perfect. You could feel every inch of him as he filled you up, slowly, gently, relentlessly. “Takin’ it just like I asked. Shit, honey.”

Soon his hips came to rest against your ass and you both took a deep breath.

“Ok, baby?” he asked, sounding winded.

You nodded and smiled to yourself, knowing the effect your words would have on him. “I said take me, cowboy.”

He moaned again, and then he did.

You felt his right hand slide up your spine and find a home cupped around the back of your neck, pressing you down onto the desk. His left had a firm grip on your hip and you bit your lip as you imagined the hand-shaped bruise you’d likely have as a souvenir. “Stay right here, baby, just like that. So fucking gorgeous like this. Goddamn.”

Joel pulled out and slammed forward again, driving your breath out of your lungs. You watched a couple of pens rattle and roll off his desk. “Fuck.” He whispered as he did it again, and again, and again.

The rhythm he set was vicious. You found yourself clutching the far edge of the desk for leverage as he pounded into you, right on the spot that felt amazing. You tried to push back with your hips to meet him but it was so much, he was moving so hard and fast. You relaxed in his hold and let him sweep you away.

“This is better than anything I ever imagined, baby. Fuck. You look so fucking good over my desk.” He squeezed your hip on his next downstroke and you whimpered. “You’re squeezin’ me so tight, honey. Fucking love this cunt.” Your breath hitched. “Don’t know how’m gonna get any work done in here. Gonna close my eyes and see this perfect ass, feel this perfect fucking cunt, every fucking time I sit at my desk.” He pulled his hand from your neck and you made a noise in protest, but he soothed it down your back. With a firm grip he used both hands to tug your hips up and back towards him and the new angle made your arms shake.

He leaned forward, almost lying against your back, and murmured in your ear. “Can we do this every day, honey? I’ll ask real nice.” He nipped at your neck and you sighed. “Promise I’ll make it worth your while.” You giggled, but it turned into a moan as he snapped his hips forward again.

“Y’know–” your breath hitched. “We’d get caught, Joel.”

He nodded. “I know, but a man can dream, can’t he?”

You could feel it building inside of you and you weren’t surprised when his left hand began to snake forward around your hip to find your clit. Joel could read you like a book, especially when you were about to come.

“And fuck, baby, if this isn’t better than anything I could have dreamed up for myself. Daydreams ain’t got nothin’ on you, gorgeous.”

He began to circle your clit in the same rhythm of his hips and you closed your eyes. You were so fucking close.

“Joel–”

“That’s right,” he pressed open mouth kisses across your shoulder. “Give it to me, honey. Let me have it.” He bit down lightly on your shoulder and you shivered, again. “Be my good girl and come.”

His hips kept up their devastating pace and suddenly you were there, you were falling over the edge with only Joel’s arms to hold you up.

You cried out, and he belatedly covered your mouth with his free hand. “Shhh, sweetheart. Fuck.” hips sped up as you squeezed his cock. “M’gonna–”

He pressed his forehead against your shoulder hard as his hips snapped forward one more time. He came with a devastating low moan of your name. You felt his muscles relax against your back and closed your eyes, overwhelmed.

You crept back to awareness and the realization that Joel was almost smothering you on top of his desk.

“Joel–” your voice was mildly strangled and he suddenly stood, almost too fast. His cock tugged backwards slightly and you winced. “Careful–”

He sighed. “Shit, sorry sweetheart. Let me–” he slid out of you slowly and you squeezed your legs together to keep his cum inside of you. “C’mere.” He pulled you up gently until you were leaning back against him and guided you to the couch you only just now realized was behind you.

You followed as he pulled you down, and soon enough you found yourself tucked against his side with his arm around your shoulders, lying down and entangled on the couch. You snuggled into him and felt him press several gentle kisses along your hairline.

“That was so fucking perfect, baby,” he whispered against your hair. “Shit. So much better than I ever imagined.” He tightened his arms around you and you sank into his embrace.

After a few minutes of just breathing together, though, you felt your curiosity return.

“So, Mr. Director.” He snorted and you grinned at the way you could feel it in his chest. “How’d you end up in this job?” You trailed your fingers down his naked chest and smiled when he made a contented noise in response.

“Well, I can’t remember if I told you before that it’s all Tess’ fault. We met about 15 years ago, and it didn’t take long for her to start pestering me about getting a degree. You’re too smart, Joel, you should go to school. Look at your work, it’s too good.” You laughed at his imitation, knowing it didn’t really sound much like her. “And she knew I wasn’t satisfied with just construction.” He sighed. “So anyway, she pestered me into community college and then roped Frank and Tommy into helpin’ me get through the whole degree while takin’ care of Sarah. The business took off sometime in there, so Tommy got himself together a bit to take that over.”

You leaned back and smiled up at him. “I’m glad. You are really smart, you know.”

He blushed. “Well, I started lookin’ for more steady work after I finished school, so I could be around more for Sarah. And I didn’t start out as the director, I started out with the grounds crew. But since I also knew about construction and a bit of maintenance, well, I moved up. Turns out havin’ experience with construction and contracting, and the degree and schoolin’ in landscape architecture, well. It’s almost the ideal combination for managing this office of lunatics.”

You laughed. “That makes sense. You have the practical skills and the knowledge to back it up.”

Joel nodded. “Anyway. I’ve been here about 6 or 7 years. Know my crew pretty well. But I was surprised I’d never seen you before, last summer. Would’ve noticed for sure.” He ran a hand up and down your forearm that was resting on his chest.

“Well, it’s only my second year here. I feel like I would’ve noticed you, too.” You slid your hand up to cup his cheek and smiled when he turned into it to press a soft kiss to your palm. “I’m glad we found each other anyway.”

He pulled you closer into his arms and kissed your forehead. “Me too, honey. You got no idea how much.”

…

you (5:47 PM): you will never guess what I just learned

bestie (5:49 PM): what

you (5:50 PM): Joel is the DIRECTOR (5:51 PM): OF HIS DEPARTMENT

bestie (5:52 PM): …yes (5:52 PM): babe (5:53 PM): did you seriously not know that

you (5:54 PM): Beth!! (5:54 PM): why did you know that?

bestie (5:55 PM): I googled him (5:55 PM): like, 3 months ago (5:56 PM): you didn’t??

you (5:57 PM): um 🫣

bestie (5:58 PM): ??? what is wrong with you (5:59 PM): you didn’t look him up like the second you learned his name??

you (5:51 PM): I knew he worked here! I don’t know how the grounds department works

bestie (5:52 PM): oh my god (5:53 PM): you are ridiculous

you (5:55 PM): shut up (5:55 PM): why didn’t you tell me??

bestie (5:57 PM): it never occurred to me for even a second that you didn’t google him yourself (5:58 PM): I threatened to go to his office!! Because I knew where it was!

you (6:00 PM): ok forget it

bestie (6:01 PM): no way (6:02 PM): I’m not anywhere near done making fun of you for this yet

you (6:05 PM): 🙄

...

a/n: the truth is out! Joel is the big boss! 😂 I know some of you guessed it but I hope the reveal was fun lol

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@joelalorian @untamedheart81 @ashleyfilm @jessthebaker @jeewrites

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #tlou fic #x reader #maintenance request fic #JHCGBDM

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kaceythecrunch · 2 months

Text

RANT. (sturntok.)

Yall. Im so mad. Sturntok pisses me the fuck off to the point it isn't even funny anymore. This might be messy, so bare with me.

Tara. Why the fuck is everyone pressed about Tara hanging out with the triplet, specifically matt and Chris. Yall are acting as if it was only two of them, like they're on a date. They were with fucking I don't know, 8 other people? Like why does Sturntok care who they hangout with? Did you not learn from elementary school to mind your bees wax, or business? You're probably 15. They're literally 5 years older than you. There is no way, in any universe they're gonna date you girl. ALSO TO SHIT ON TARA?? LIKE GIRL. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SHIT ON CUZ HOMEGIRL DONT CARE. SHE DONT CARE. SHE IS STRIVING AND LIVING LIFE LIKE YOU SHOULD GIRL. Live life and don't care. You'll probably have a positive outcome. No cuz y'all know how Chris owns the Saturn necklace thing? Its vivienne underwood. It's less than 20 bucks on Amazon. Also when was the last time y'all saw Chris wearing that necklace girl. Also there's a post from like months, or I think a year ago of Tara wearing the same necklace. These fucking tiktok girls are so annoying. Like we get it, everyone wants to be Tara. (she's my gf.)

Podcast. I saw a bunch of btiches shit on the podcast. Like cmon. THEY ARE PRODUCING AN HOUR LONG VIDEO FOR YALL EVERY WEEK. Mfs are burnt out, you're lucky that they even produce content for you ungreatful hoes. Like lwk, I'd rather have them remove Wednesday videos. I remember when they first started their podcast that they were really excited to start and stuff. I also remember, I believe it was their earlier vlogs. When they were still living in Boston and they haven't like went to LA yet, they were talking about turning their basement into a podcast room. Like cmon. This is something they've been wanting to do and you hoes just don't appreciate anything. Like have y'all's mama's not been pissed at y'all for not appreciating her food. Live life positive and not negative tf. But ofc, I respect their decision.

Intro. Yall just love to shit on everyone. Ruining the party. Sturntok reminds me of the kids-the class "clowns" who would be so shitty to the teacher for no reason and would ruin fun things for everyone. Like guys, I think we should all as a community bully Sturntok. It requires a bit more bullying, just to knock some sense into their heads. Anyways, back to what I was ranting about. I loved their new intro. its a new era. A new them. Change. Is. Fucking. hard. I understand that you love the teens from Boston running around making fools of themselves. Me too, I shall admit it. But in order to get sponsorships, to get the little paring things. (For example, them sponsoring Celsius, even becoming the youtooz thing.) Like they gotta act more professional.

Change. This tied in with the last few things. CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING. But how the fuck are you gonna live life, and enjoy life when your stuck on one thing forever. Change is needed for growth, and for learning. Like guys, THEYRE 20. I think that's something y'all forget. They aren't teenagers anymore. Its kinda like how when everyone went into middle school and started to not like kiddy things when you still liked kiddy things. When I was in middle school I still like to play with Legos, draw, watch anime. Until I hit 7th grade, aka everyone's downfall. I still enjoy some of those things today but I changed because people in middle school stopped like those things and its embarrassing (well for me at least) to show up in school with anime shirts cuz I'm getting older. Thats what they're feeling I guess. Again, theyre 20 now.

Crazy ass mfs. Crazy, as in them soft mf's on sturntok. Also what pisses me off more is that they're coming here on tumblr. Like no, I know your soft ass belongs on Wattpad bffr. I have a long rant about this one, so bare with me again. They are so so so so so SOOOOO sensitive about the "spicy edits." Sometimes the fucking video frame isn't even about something "spicy" aka- them being shirtless, video frame near their crotch. It was when there was a song about sex. How soft can you be. Most songs these days are about sex. Some songs y'all probably didn't know about was about sex. (cake by the ocean for example.) LIKE LETS ME FOR REAL. MOST SONGS ARE ABOUT SEX. Also with the tiktok audios being removed like cmon. Not everything is about sunshine and rainbows. I remember I commented on a Chris edit and I was like.

"I need this man in my life. He's so hot."

"you're fucking gross. He's a human being and do you know how grossed out he would be if he saw that you said this? (bullshitbullshit,morebullshitandstupidness.)"

Yeah, keeping fucking running your mouth. THIS TIKTOK HAS LIKE 4K VIEWS. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FOLLOWERS THE TRIPLETS HAVE? YEAH. THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY HAVE. THIS VIDEO HAS 1K COMMENTS. ARE THEY FUCKING HUNTING ME DOWN?? MY COMMENT HAS 3 LIKES. WHY WOULD THEY CARE TO FUCKING CHECK GIRL. ITS ALSO TELLING THE FUCKING PERSON WHO EDITED THIS THAT THIS EDIT WAS FIRE AND THAT THEY MADE THE EDIT HELLA GOOD. UR FUCKING LUCKY I KEPT MY ANGER TO MYSELF CUZ OH GIRL. I WOULD SUCKER PUNCH YOU. You know whats also funny? They're the same people who will be pissed with when they see matt or Chris with a female. Like girl. You're calling me fucking gross? Do you think how much more worse that is than my comment? You ruin friendships. OG sturniolo fans know that they've been friends with girls. If you genuinely care, yall would know that nick made most of matt and chris' friends. Meaning most of them were females. SO OBVIOUSLY THEYRE GONNA HAVE GIRL FRIENDS. I remember watching the Zach sang pod when nick was on and he explained that matt usually doesn't make the friends. Theres a joke where matt says "I'm gonna make a friend that wasn't originally nick's friends." smth like that. Anyways, off topic. Just because they are seen with a girl, doesn't mean they are fucking dating them. Like shut the fuck up. please. Respectfully shut the fuck because I'm a nice person. Also Chris gives off major virgin vibes lets bffr.

Madi. Yall hate so bad on Madi and its fucking grossing me out. Why do you have to ship her with matt and chris??? Literally to the point they can't even put her in photo dumps or videos. You just gotta ruin it for everyone, huh? shes fucking gorgeous, and she's so funny in videos. Plus, when she does talk shes hillarious. She literally reminds me of Matt. She doesn't fucking talk much because she is more of a listener.. Like guys bffr. How can you hate her when she barley spoke in videos. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up. Yall just jealous shes pretty.

Calling Nick fine. I also hate them mfs who are always running their mouth about girls calling Nick fine. Lets bffr. Y'all didn't think a gay guy is fine? I'm sure you've had a crush on one gay person before. And if you haven't trust me. You will. I had a crush on my gay friend in 8th grade. I feel like its a canon even in every girl's life. anyways, I hate when girls will be scared to call nick hot.

"Nick is so fine. But like as a cool guy friend way. Please don't attack me."

POOR GIRL BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA BE ATTACKED IF SHE CALLS A GAY MAN FINE. Sturntok leave her the fuck alone. He's hot as fucking and I will kill civilians if I'm not given more nick edits. He's so fine. Literally the hottest triplet.

If u made it here thanks. There was shit on my chest that I really needed to let out. What have we learned today?

Sturntok can suck my fucking dick.

Thanks goodbye.

Me to Sturntok :

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thecapricunt1616 · 2 months

Text

Allspice (c.b oneshot)

♡ O.S Inspo: Forever & Always - Fearless (TV) ; "Was I out of line, did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide like a scared little boy?" ♡ Pairing : CarmyxAFAB Reader as little physical description possible | She/Her pronouns used, NO use of Y/N :)

♡ Summary: You have a very successful Culinary Review blog, the social media manager of one of your new hometown restaurants 'The Bear' has been dying to get you out to try their food. But since the EC is a bit of an overzealous competitor, you end up having to go back for round 2- you end up having a delicious dinner, and a free show.

♡ W/C: 4,381

♡ Posted Date: 03/18/24

♡ A/N: FIRST THING: I am HORRIDDDD at writing Claire- I'm much better at writing Carmy cause were alot more similar- so this Claire isn't gonna be CRAZY canon, but I think she got the job done. Anyway- EEEEEP!!! Here is my VERY FIRST ONE SHOT EVER!! Inspired by my amazing, wonderful, PRECIOUS FLOWER @daysofyellowroses that can be found here :) AAAAA!!! My precious Rose I hope you enjoy this, It could ABSOLUTELY have a part 2 if y'all like it. I ended it here cause I'm sooo wordy and I didn't want it to turn in to a multi-chap. fic by mistake...but ofc if y'all want more just tell me and ill get RIGHT TO WORK!!! I really hope this comes off how I saw it in my head. There's no smut/sexy stuff, just mutual pining and flirty teasing, I hope thats ok!! aaa here we goooo!!! Enjoy <3

♡ Warnings for BTC: Swearing, Drinking alcohol (Literally it LOL)

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Being a Food Critic wasn’t an easy gig, as much as people wanted to believe it’s simply going to famous restaurants, trying their most popular dishes- and giving your opinion, it was much more then that.

Each and every aspect of the restaurant was under your review, from the second you walked in the door, you were judging everything. From the atmosphere, to the music, to the decor, to the comfortability of the furniture all of it, was to meet your expectations if the owner of the establishment wanted a good review.

Today was finally the day you'd review one of the restaurants that had sent 3 requests for you to feature a review of them on your blog.

The Bear. Interesting name, you thought.

With the rugged name- you’d assumed a more millennial hipster-New American vibe. But when you’d arrived- you were quite…impressed? That instead of leaning into that all too common aesthetic, it was more of a classy, comfortable vibe.

They’d not even had bear art, anything of the sort. It was pure comfort, mixed with subtle class. The kind that spoke to the cost of the dishes- but wasn’t in your face obnoxious. The only ‘Bear’ was the little golden bear embossed into the leather menu you’d been handed when seated at the table.

The way you did your reviews was…a tad unusual - some chefs in the industry called it ‘unfair’ but you called it…the fairest things could be. Instead of telling them when you’d be swinging by for a review since where’s the fun in that you’d call, make a reservation under some random name, and they’d know you’d accepted their offer when the review had been posted on your blog.

It felt most honest and fair because you were one of the most renowned food critics in the country right now. If they knew you were coming- any EC with a brain would spend the night before your arrival, prepping the entire restaurant and staff - assuring they’d be on their best behavior to try and squeeze a higher grade out of you.

But you were just a reader once upon a time, years ago- when you realized in culinary school that the making of the art didn’t interest you, it was the observing. Food wasn’t just about taste, but rather the whole experience. And if every famous food critic you’d taken interest in back in the day- never got a true experience due to their notability? You’d never have gotten into this field. So, you were most keen on keeping things fair.

A woman with mousey brown hair comes up to your table, dressed in the typical waitress slacks and black button up shirt. “Hello! Welcome to The Bear. My name is Sam, have you dined with us before?” she asks.

You sit up in your chair, peeling your eyes from the menu. You give her a small kind smile “I haven’t” you replied, urging her to continue her script.

“Well welcome in, we're so happy you chose to spend your evening with us. So for our menu” she opens it in front of you. “Here” she points “are our wine options, fabulous selection this month. Then we have draft beers right next to it. On the following page” she points “all of our craft cocktails, then this,” she points in the bottom corner.

“Our house cocktail - Just called The Bear. It’s wonderful, if you like old fashions you’ll love this - made with Bearface Triple Oak Whiskey.” She said and you nod.

“That please. That’s what I’ll start with” you said and she nodded.

“I’ll get that right in. But quickly, just so you’re aware” she flipped the page and pointed.

“These - are the dishes of the month. Each crafted by one of our two head chefs, they change monthly so if something calls to you I recommend you try- because it won’t be back” she said. You raised your eyebrows a bit in surprise and nod.

“Thank you” you said and she gives a nod before heading off to the bar to put in your drink order before heading off to tend to other tables in your section.

Having an alternating menu intrigued you, for such a high end establishment- one with a Michelin star at that- implementing such a menu would consistently have their star at risk. One dish, one app, one drink- that was not up to par and it would be revoked. You guessed the owners of this place liked living on the edge, as if being in this industry wasn’t already being constantly on edge.

You gaze over the menu, the Chilean Seabass sounded like a fair assessment. Seafood was quite difficult to get right, especially in the springtime before peak season, and you’d be able to judge the consistency of the chopping and such because there was a fresh tomato corn salad that came with it. That was your rule when you came to judge restaurants, one main course, and one dessert.

You’d felt like the main courses were the true stars of the show anyhow, and it would be unfair to muck up your palate with an app that was usually something easy to get right (since they were usually fried, covered in cheese, or some kind of carb). And the dessert usually showed the restaurant's creativity, which you loved to see, so 2 dishes was your max.

The waitress returns with the cocktail, setting it down with a napkin under it. “Here you are, now- have you decided on a starter?” She questioned and you shook your head.

“Straight to the good stuff, I’d like the Chilean Sea Bass please. And for dessert,” you flick the page and your eyes settle on the words savory cannoli - hmm, imaginative indeed. “And uh- The Michael Cannoli?” You said, shutting the menu and handing it to her.

She nods with a smile, jotting down the order into her notepad before taking the menu and holding it to her chest. “That will be out soon as possible. Enjoy your drink” she said and headed back to the kitchen.

You sit back sipping the cocktail and humming. She was right, much like an old fashioned, but floral notes. Almost…chamomile? Yes! That was it. Very interesting.

You slipped your iPad out of your bag, opening up your journaling app and grabbing the pencil out of the little sleeve. You quickly snapped a picture with your phone of the drink, airdropping it to yourself and adding it into the entry and writing;

‘To start; ‘The Bear’ house cocktail- initial thoughts ; not too sweet, strong (but not overpowering), chamomile? Some kind of herbal tea flower’

You take another sip, letting the flavors sit on your tongue a moment before swallowing. “Mmm!” You hum to yourself, finally realizing where the herby taste beneath the chamomile was coming from that gave it that oaky piney taste.

‘Angostura bitters- will confirm!!’ You wrote just as someone approaches your table. You look up to see a man, short brown hair, stubble. He was smiling, holding a plate.

“Hello! Here we have Arancini with our house-made pesto, courtesy of Executive Chef Carmen” he placed the dish in front of you next to your iPad. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly, looking up at him, scarcel confused.

“Wrong table” you murmured, thumbing the dish back in his direction lightly. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Nope- ah, he- he said this table.” He replied. It did smell fantastic, and any other day you’d never deny delicious, deep fried balls of risotto dipped in smooth, decedent pesto- but you’re working right now and it’s not fair.

“Well, you can tell him” you lifted the dish, offering it back. “I have a system. And I’m unsure how he realized that I’m coming here, tonight, but I dislike cheaters. And he should know if he’s read my blog- I don’t muck up my palate with grease before I try the main course.” The plate was so close to him now it was nearly digging into his chest.

He nodded quickly, taking the plate without another word and briskly walking back to the kitchen. You sat back in your seat with a slight scoff.

He thinks he can win you over just like that? How did he even know you would be here?

You picked up your pencil once again, adding a note.

For the chef; Arancini smelt delicious. Didn’t order it, so I didn’t taste it . Presentation wise; 7/10. Pesto looked like it was spooned in the dish a tad bit messy to me.

You smiled to yourself, you knew he’d read the final review once it was posted. And since he wanted to be a little cheater and get a overall higher score since he was trying to weasel you into trying extra dishes- you’d kick his ego down a few extra pegs for fun.

You sat, nursing your drink, adding extra little notes here and there, as well as editing a blog post about Ghost Kitchens you’d been working on and how they were ruining the mobile order industry on the side. You were so engrossed in the work, that you hadn’t even realized someone had approached your table until they cleared their throat awkwardly.

Your gaze slowly travels up, seeing a blue apron covering a white shirt, tattooed hands holding- your meal? Your eyes flicker up to his piercing blue ones. “Chilean Sea Bass” he sets it in front of you. You snort a laugh.

“Hm.” You look around before back at him “These people” you motion to the restaurant. “Other patrons. Which meals of theirs did you bring out- Chef?” You accentuate the last word, it was all too uncommon for a chef to personally bring a meal out to a table.

You swore even in the ambient lighting, his cheeks flushed slightly. “You- uh- you declined, my Arancini. Why?” He asked, holding his hands behind his back, the position making his already toned and tattooed arms appear more muscular. It makes him all the more impressive he has all these tattoos and still made it in this industry. I can only imagine the shit he got for them.

You raise your eyebrows in surprise at his boldness. “Because that’s Cheating. Mr.Berzatto. I’d assume you know my work well. Considering you know what I look like, so- why try to cheat? You know how I feel about appetizers. It’s a scapegoat.” You shrugged, locking your iPad when you realized he’d been peeking at the notes.

“Messy” his eyes narrow. He scoffs a bit, alluding to the note you’d written a short while prior “Messy?” He asks again, you laugh a bit.

“Mmhmm! Oh, was it you chef? Wow…I mean- now that I think about it” you shook your head, now just messing with him since you see how much he was dying to impress you. “I could’ve sworn- the pesto it just..was too loose. Overblended maybe? That’s why it was impossible to plate without making a mess.” You shrugged, cutting up your fish carefully and spreading the vegetables with your knife to observe the cohesivity of the cuts.

He scoffs, “too- too loose?! W-y’know what. No. No. It- you’re gonna try it.” He demands and you look up at him, nearly laughing at the seriousness of his tone.

“That depends. Bring me a pesto worth trying and I’ll think about it. Now” you wave him off casually “I can’t work with the chef over my shoulder. So- Shoo chef don’t bother me” you teased and he shook his head.

“Game on.” He muttered, heading back to the kitchen.

You smiled to yourself, the Arancini absolutely isn’t going into the review. But you’ll humor his ego by trying it.

You cut the fish thoroughly, checking the texture and the evenness of the seasonings slathered on the skin, writing little notes as you go along. The cuts of the vegetables were pristine. Nearly perfect. The only misshapen pieces were clearly cosmetic defects of the vegetable. The chef that cut these was immaculate with a knife.

When you took your first bite, you nearly moaned. The fish was buttery, the skin was crispy, slightly spicy, tangy, the flesh melted in your mouth. The risotto was so cheesy and buttery and wonderful. You could eat this meal every night for the rest of your life and never get sick of it. It was the best Sea bass you’d ever tasted.

You opened your iPad again, jotting down notes about the flavors, the mouth feel, all the usual points you hit in your review.

This meal is a 9.2 out of 10.

You write at the bottom. Very fair score, you never had rated something as a 10. Something being a 10 would be- you don’t even know what it would be. But it would be what the score says, perfection. And while this dish was wonderful, and very very good- it was not perfect. At least to your heavily trained palate.

You finished what you wanted out of the meal, pushing the plate to the side and not soon after, Carmen was back at your table. He placed the plate in front of you, 3 perfectly circular Arancini discs were placed equal distance on the plate, and truly beautiful pesto, sat in the dish alongside it. It frankly was immaculately plated.

“Unbroken pesto. Sorry again, about the last one.” He said, watching you carefully. You hum as you grab your fork, splitting one of the discs and digging out some of the risotto.

“Could be firmer.” You said, eyes flicking to his. He nods, clearing his throat a bit.

“It’s not- uh- it’s”

“Fresh” you finished for him, raising your brows and he nods. “So- since you’re frying it. You cook it for about..a minute- maybe forty seconds less than you usually would.” You said, daintily taking the bite off your fork.

“Heard..” he nodded, waiting for your reaction. You hummed a bit.

“Great balance of parm and butter though. I’ll give you that. Neither overpowers the other, that’s hard to do considering the notes” you added, cutting up the crust and tasting it.

“Mm-“ you scrunch your nose and his face visibly drops. “Mm-mm…no- not peanut oil…why would you do that? It totally overpowers the breadcrumb with this like…cheapy taste. I’d say it would be way better if you fried it in sunflower oil” you added, digging out more of the risotto and dipping it in the pesto before having a bite and humming.

“This though” you point at the little dish of green sauce with your fork. “This is great.” You add and he nods.

“Ok-yeah…ok…” he nods, rubbing his hand over his chin. “Thank y’for trying it.” He said and you nod.

“I’ll be back for a fair assessment. I think I’ll pass on the cannoli tonight, and just get the bill. Thank you” you slipped your pencil in the case before putting your iPad in your bag and holding your hands on the table in front of you.

“Y-y’re coming back” he said, sounding slightly surprised.

You shrugged “well- you clearly want a full review based on your behavior tonight, Chef. So I’ll humor you. I won’t tell you when of course, so just pray that it’s a day like today-“ you paused, looking around. “Where things seem to be running…alright.” You sat back in your chair casually with a small smile.

“I look forward to your review.” He gave a nod and headed back to the kitchen.

It was 3 weeks before you’d decided to return back to The Bear spring had quickly turned to early summer, and you thought you’d given enough time for your little conversation with the head chef to slip his mind.

It was 9:20, 40 minutes before closing. You did promise to come back at a random time, and no time is more random then a Friday night less than an hour before the kitchen closed.

You pulled open the door, stepped in and headed up to the host stand where the same man that originally offered you the Arancini stood. “The picky critic returns.” He said, tapping his pen against the reservation book absentmindedly.

“She does” you smiled a bit.

“Well lucky f’you cousin said you get a table any time, right this way” he leads you to a booth near the back, where you had a perfect view of the restaurant. Much cozier then before, right next to the doors of the kitchen where you could hear the back of house crew buzzing about.

“Same cocktail as last time?” He asked and you raised your brows in slight surprise as you sit.

“No waitress?” You asked, getting comfortable and setting your iPad down next to the empty plate.

“She’ll be over, just figured a friendly offer couldn’t hurt” he said with a small smirk.

You roll your eyes playfully. “House cocktail please, and thank you. But don’t count on kindness boosting your hospitality score-“ you stop, realizing he never gave you his name.

“Richie” he said, sticking his hand out to shake.

“Richie.” You repeat, giving him your firm professional shake.

“House cocktail comin’ up” he said and headed back to the bar. You mulled over the menu, lemon chicken picatta, that sounded like a perfect dish to judge this time around.

A few minutes later, Richie returns, setting the glass down in front of you. “Waitress should be by momentarily, enjoy your meal” he said, heading back to the host stand.

A bit after the waitress came to take your order, the restaurant had begun to die down. You were going to be the last person served tonight it looked like, since in 5 minutes they would stop seating people.

You added additional notes to your section about the cocktail, getting a better photo of it for your blog when you hear a bit of commotion up front.

You look up, to see a woman with curled brown hair in navy blue scrubs, her hands on her hips, talking with Richie with a frustrated look. There were tears in her eyes, you couldn’t help but tune in to their conversation.

“Richie, please let me see him- he- he hasn’t said anything and I…I just need to hear him say it to my face. Please!” She begs, tears were streaming down her face now.

Richie looks around nervously, tugging her to the side so they weren’t standing right in front of the host stand. You lean over just a bit- not so much it would be noticeable, but enough your nosy ears could continue to pick up what was being said.

“Claire. You shouldn’t be here…I’m sorry- he told me-he said that..that you can’t come here anymore. It’s too much and he will apologize when he can find the words. But he can’t. So please before he sees you. Leave” he said softly, attempting to soothingly rub her arm and she jerks away like his touch burned her skin.

“Fuck you, Richie. Get him. Now. I’m not working on his time anymore. This is my time now. I’ve waited around enough for him. I’m done waiting. Either get him yourself? Or I swear to god I’ll go in that kitchen and embarrass the fucking shit out of him” she hissed.

Your eyebrows raised, shit. Whoever fucked her over should at least be warned.

He snorts, clearly amused before stepping back and raising his arms in defeat. “Have at it ClaireBear.” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “You think he’s gonna take kindly to you startin’ w’him in his house? Be my guest.” He shrugged, going back over to the host stand.

And then it clicked. She’s here for Carmen.

She laughed dryly, sarcastically, like a woman who’d had it. “You think I’m scared? Richie? You think I’m scared of little Carmy who couldn’t even check out a library book by himself? mm?” She goads him, arms crossed, chest heaving with rage.

His head snaps back to look at her, brows raised in shock. “Kid- I really think you should go calm the fuck down, because Y’re not gonna like the way that this conversation ends w’him- at all.”

And with that, she shoves open the kitchen door. You couldn’t just sit there and not watch- this was the juiciest drama you’d ever been privy to in person, and this means he’s single. You slightly curse yourself for being so giddy that this means the sexy chef would likely be on the market.

Your foot catches the door before it closes, leaning against the frame. She storms in, eyes frantically darting over the kitchen.

“Carmen.” She barks, the entire kitchen stops moving and looks at her, as if they were in shock and awe someone would ever raise their voice to him in such a way.

He rounds the corner, holding a pan of focaccia dough that he nearly drops at the sight of her. He blinks a few times, squeezing his eyes shut as if she’d disappear when he opened them again.

“The fuck are you-“ his eyes meet yours, his face going pale quickly, he looked white as a sheet. “Leave.” He orders her, slamming the dough down on the counter.

“Leave?!” She laughs coldly, “you’re gonna tell me to leave?! You’re a fucking pussy Carmen. A pussy. Y’know- it was charity giving you a chance. Pity work.” She spits and you blink a few times, taken aback by such harsh words.

Is she serious? She thinks anyone could believe dating a super hot, ripped, talented, chef prodigy - that was charity work in any sense of the word?

He scoffs, “Charity?” He chuckled dryly. “Claire- you begged me to fuckin’ be with you! You-you-y’re a fuckin gnat! Claire! You- all you do is-is fuckin’-” he runs his hand through his hair, his chest heaving in anger, “You dont know me, Claire! Alright? There- And I-I-I don’t want you i’m-i’m sorry-”

She laughed, shaking her head, tears streaming down her face. “You-” she whispered, her chest shaking with a sob. “You- fucker- I- I gave you a chance…” she whispered and gripped her wrist sadly. “I- I was there for you, Carmen- when no one else could fucking stand you.” she croaked.

“And I never asked for you too- please- just…leave me alone-” he shook his head. “Leave. Please…just-pretend we never happened, it was a mistake, Claire.” he breathed, clearly utterly defeated, and It sounded like he’d told this girl these same words multiple times.

“M-Mikey would be sick- Carmy, he’d- he’d hate who you’ve become…” she said meekly, and with that- something behind his eyes snapped.

“Claire I’m not DOING THIS I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKIN’ RESTAURANT. WERE OVER. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME! YOU MEAN NOTHING CLAIRE!” He roars, the veins in his neck popping out, angrily and aggressively pointing to the door. “OUT. get the fuck out. G-get out, b-before I-I-I fuckin- holy fuck” he finds his composure once more, even though his breath was still ragged from his outburst, flicking his hand next to him his entire body trembling with panic.

She looks to her left and right, she’s not that-

Your thoughts were quickly proven wrong, when you see she was stupid enough to grab a pan off the stove to whip at him.

“Aht!” the spanish woman standing a few paces to the right said, quickly grabbing the arm with the pan and twisting it behind her back. “Drop it.” she hissed.

Carmen looks between the two of them, utterly in shock. “Y-y’were gonna hit me?” He asked her, face twisting in rage. “Fuck you. Fuck you Claire.” He seethed, taking the pan from his employees grasp and tossing it in the sink with a loud clatter.

“Get the fuck out” you told her, grabbing her from the handle of the woman who’d stopped the assault, shoving her towards the kitchen door and into the front of the restaurant. “Y’re a fuckin crazy bitch.” You laughed dryly, giving her a hard shove for good measure.

“Oh and who are you” she straightened herself out, pushing her bag up on her shoulder. “Doesn’t matter. Glad to see that Carmy still needs someone to protect him. I’ll gladly give up that spot.” she said, causing you to laugh.

“Oh my god- you are pathetic. He just spelt it clear as day sweetheart- you are over. O-v-e-r. He doesn’t want you babe! And no, he doesn’t need my protection- I was enjoying dinner and apparently a show until you went batshit bitch.” You snip, plopping back down at your booth.

She scoffed “he doesn’t want anyone. The only thing he wants - is to remain miserable. Good fucking luck, whoever you are.” She said before stomping out.

“Yo she was really gonna throw somethin?” Richie asked as he walked over. Thankfully, it was just you, him, and the bartender in the front of the restaurant.

You nod “thankfully she didn’t realize I was there- Carmen would have had a nasty burn, and a concussion.” You said, taking a large sip of your drink.

Carmen comes out, eyes meeting yours immediately. “Fuck- I- don’t worry y’re meal is comped and don’t…don’t worry about a review, i’m sorry- I-I guess it wasn't in the cards f’r us to be featured on y’r blog... I’m really so sorry… Shes- ah..” he rubs his arm nervously, trying to find the words.

“A woman scorned” You teased, and he snorts a laugh, nodding a bit.

“Hell hath no fury, right?” He joked, sighing a bit. “It’s uh…it’s my fault I guess…I uh- I should’ve dealt with that…I've been putting it off” he said and you nod a bit.

“You off the clock?” you looked at your phone for the time, 10:07.

“Shit- fuck- sorry- I’m so sorry- give me like- I was making y’r food…and then-” you shook your head, stopping him.

“No- No…I was uh-Asking to see if you maybe wanted to..have a drink with me? Not-not like…professionally…” you shrugged, stirring your half full cocktail with the bar straw that floated in it.

“Sure- uh…sure- I’d like that lemme..lemme go change, i’ll be right out” he nodded, heading back into the kitchen.

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bloodsbane · 11 months

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i will not reblog the post to comment no matter how tempted i am because i refuse to listen to the devil this early in the morning. but i just saw a post basically saying 'if you like to think about characters from a thing you like having sex, you're weird AND did you even actually like the media they're from or are you just some horny loser who needs everyone to fuck all the time?'

and i get it, tumblr rando, you are frustrated or whatever. you made a post on your personal blog on the making posts on your blog webbed site. you are just throwing a huge blanket umbrella statement over a large crowd and catching people who arent who you're talking about underneath it

but i REALLY wish this idea that liking sex or enjoying thinking about characters having sex (or even just shipping in general) = you DONT CARE about the source material beyond a surface level would die right now immediately. do you know how arrogant and pedantic and dismissive this makes you sound? im so so sorry but some people just DO like sex! and like, idk if you knew this, but sex is how some people connect with others or like exploring characters in new and compelling ways that interest them

the post was also specifically complaining about people doing this within, like, a couple days of getting into said thing. dude. what? okay so if i politely cross my hands on my lap and sit still and only think holy thoughts about Media and Character Motivations for one full week and deliver 3 analysis essays to your desk by friday, THEN will it be okay for me to write some bdsm? have i filled my quota of being a Normal and Intellectual fan? did i prove to you that i really, truly care about the source material instead of just being a filthy queer who only cares about icky sex and getting my rocks off?

it's one thing to not be interested in smutty fic/art yourself, and you're entitled to your opinions, and it's fair to be annoyed when the spaces you want to occupy are loud with material that isnt for you. but this rhetoric that caring about sex and wanting to write about it JUST FOR FUN with characters you like from a story you enjoy means that you're like. too stupid or shallow to have actually engaged with the source material beyond it being shipping fodder. that's high-key some of the most rancid shit ive had to hear and y'all seriously need to start scrubbing that out of your brain or it's just gonna rot

#banebabbles #can you tell i see commentary like this way too often #im tired of it

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plussizefantasia · 7 months

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Shaggy and Velma

Flufftober Day 25: Costume Party

Peter Parker x f!reader

Word Count 1.0k

AN: I have officially finished writing all of my prompts for Flufftober, I'll be proofreading the last few before I post them. The problem is, I've really enjoyed all the writing I've been doing and how much everyone has liked my stories. So I want to ask for some requests that I can write after my short break! If you could send a request that would be amazing. As always, Reblogs and Feedback are really appreciated, and I'll see y'all tomorrow!

divider credit @royallaesthetics

“I am not wearing that.” You deadpanned at Peter who was smiling toothily at you. In his hands, he held one of those awful foam costumes, a matching set. “I am not wearing a piece of foam that makes me look like jelly on toast, not to a party.” You didn’t think that gaveling a couple's costume was a bad idea you thought it might be fun but you drew the line at food.

“C’mon Babe, match with me.” He encoded his strongest pair of puppy dog eyes and aimed them right at you.

“I will match with you, just not as PB and J” you laughed. “What about Shaggy and Velma.”

“Who would be who?” He asked.

“We’ll you’re the smart one so you’ll probably be Velma and I look good in green so I’ll be shaggy.” You shrugged.

“Do they even make male Velma costumes?” Peter began scanning the store for a gender-bent version of the character.

“Probably not but we could always go to the thrift store.” You suggested

And so you did, two hours and the thrift shops later you had your costumes for the costume party on the NYC campus that your roommate had invited you to.

Parties weren’t your thing but when you had told Peter about it, he had gotten excited. “I’ve never been to a college party, or a Halloween party, or any kind of party that wasn’t a birthday party.” So you cast aside your desire for a cozy night in with your boyfriend, watching movies in spooky pajamas and eating candy that you go from the gas station. You went costume shopping with your dork and basked in the joy that radiated from him all day.

Now, the two of you were about a block away from the party, you’d decided to walk, partially because you didn’t have a car and partially because you wanted to be able to check out other people’s costumes on the way. “Do you think people will know who we are?” Peter asked you. You looked down at yourself, wearing a short corduroy mini skirt and a green top tucked into the waistband, along with a pair of old brown dress shoes you usually saved for special and formal occasions. Then your gaze landed on Peter, you were surprised that you had found the orange turtleneck right away but it fit him well. He also wore a pair of red jeans that you had to force him into a pair of glasses that you popped the lenses out of.

“I’m sure baby, we’re killing it right now.”

“We are, aren’t we?” Peters's voice got soft and he looked at you. He placed a kiss on your temple and kept walking.

When you arrived at the warehouse the party was at, it was obvious that most of the people there were not in college. Party crashes weren’t rare, but it did mean that Peter would need to keep a close eye on you. This many strangers in one place was bound to be trouble. You had made him promise that he wouldn’t be Spider-Man tonight, that was your condition for going to the party at all.

“I’m not going if you’re going to have to race out of there right away and leave me there.” He agreed it was fair after all, you hadn’t wanted to go, so leaving you alone wasn’t the nicest thing he could do.

So instead, he danced with you, he held you close and he laughed with you when you saw funny costumes. Multiple people complimented you on the outfits you were wearing and every time it happened you watched Peter perk up just a little bit.

As the night wore on, you got a little sloppier, not drunk. You wouldn’t get wasted when you were so keenly aware of how many people you didn’t know and how far from home you were. But you were loose and Peter wasn’t. It’s not like he didn’t have anything to drink, he just metabolized it way too fast.

By three a.m. the party still hadn’t wound down, but as Peter watched you yawn and lean on him a little more than usual he decided that it was time to go.

“Wanna go home, babe? Put in our PJs and watch a movie?” You eagerly nodded and grabbed onto his hand.

It wasn’t easy getting you home, you seemed to trip on every little thing and had a serious case of the giggles but eventually the two of you made it back to his apartment. Peter helped you up the stairs and in past his door. When your eyes landed on his couch you groaned pleasantly and flopped down onto it. Burying your head in the throw pillows you had bought.

“C’mon babe, we gotta brush our teeth and change into PJs”

“Don’t wanna, comfortable”

“I know babe, but you’ll be mad at me tomorrow for not making you do some sort of routine.”

Even tipsy you knew that you would want to take off your makeup before you went to bed, so even though you groaned and whined the whole time, you let Peter help you take your makeup off, and brush your teeth and hair.

Peter gently guided you into the bedroom where he pulled out the Halloween PJs you had bought for the two of you before you knew that you were going to the party. He helped you into them, his eyes never starting from your face as he did.

When all your routines were done and you were ready for bed, Peter pulled you to his side and kissed your head like he always did before you fell asleep.

“Thank you for coming with me Shaggy,” you laughed.

“You’re welcome, Velma” was your deeply sleepy response, as soon as the words left your mouth, your eyes shut and you fell asleep immediately.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker x plus size reader #peter parker x you #peter parker fluff #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fic #peter parker imagine #plus size reader #plus size!reader #fanfic #fluff #x reader #flufftober #marvel fanfiction #requests open #requests wanted #peter parker x y/n

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black-lake · 1 year

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astro observations 9

hey folks, I found new stuff to talk about. this is more of an outer planets and generations obs 🚀

——

✮⌁ when uranus conjunct pluto happened during 1964, we saw a lot of rebellious music, fashion and other forms of expression, the beatles, bowie's debut album, twiggy, bob dylan.. etc. It was an important decade for many changes and revolutions. It's why so many people are still influenced by the art, music and appeal of that era. Even though it was a relatively short period, the intense need for freedom was loudly expressed that decade. I think with pluto in aquarius we may see similar events, but on a larger scale and with a far more lasting impact.

✮⌁ neptune will move into aries in 2025, and boy when I tell you I can't wait, I terribly mean it. I think neptune in pisces wasn’t doing it for me, I had creative expectations for it but it was all about spirituality and faith practices on the internet and an unhealthy addiction to it. this was right after neptune in aquarius which we all know made the internet an addiction in itself.

✮⌁ It had its positive impact, being open-minded about different beliefs, exploring our intuition and faith and other abstract topics. but we've already seen the negative impact. It's mainly the spirituality addiction on the internet that has became almost inescapable, replacing reality, practices performed and consumed by really young individuals which could distort their view on the world at an older age. living in an illusion and assumption of everything and everyone, believing everything you hear blindly, because of your or someone else's false sense of intuition will make the world more closed-off and less likely to evolve. it can create a reversed effect, inducing fear of real life interactions, closed-mindedness and seclusion.

✮⌁ with neptune in aries, we will come out of our shells and live in the real world, we will explore the world with a new set of eyes and a fresh sense of passion and childlike wonder. We're less likely to listen to our fears and other people's assumptions and bs. It's a new astrological cycle. Our collective hopes, dreams, fantasies and passions are reborn. Now especially when uranus moves into gemini, the same year, people will be more encouraged to become social and intimate, more fun talks and activities, I hope 🥹 this will also help fuel the inventive ideas pluto in aquarius brings with it.

✮⌁ y'all there's more to astrology than just money, success and fame. you can explore the world with that tool, thousands of things to talk about. there're topics that aren't given as much attention here. if you have something interesting and new you posted or you wanna talk about and are shy plssss just share it in the comments I'm all for ittt I wanna see it.

✮⌁ last time pluto was in aquarius 1778-1798, there was an industrial revolution going on, the peak of "the age of enlightenment", the french revolution, and many other political revolutions. the battery, hot-air balloon and parachute were some of the things invented. uranus was discovered in 1781. fun fact, the airplane was invented when pluto was retrograde in gemini in 1903, which makes sense since it rules over flying and air travel, also uranus was in sagittarius which rules travel as well, so interestingly enough there was a uranus-pluto opposition.

✮⌁ when uranus moves into gemini (ruling air travel) and with pluto being in aquarius, we literally may see spaceship inventions or spacecrafts and rockets that will launch to space. we may even be able to travel to a certain planet or at least find something new about it. we may find creatures or living things in space. air travel may look different, hydrogen-powered planes, cleaner and eco-friendly energy sources. at the very least we may hear of new scientists, and keep up with them.

✮⌁ any outer planet in libra, is a timeline I'd like to skip if I ever lived in, which I won't thankfully. It's by far the least sign that has potential to bring evolution and advancement to a generation, excluding aspects, it just ain’t doing much. Idk what it is, but maybe people are less likely to do anything considered immoral or unaccepted, they're more likely to do things like pleasing the generation's expectations and opinions. It brings a sense of connectivity, an understanding of comprise to connect and relate to our environment, and a focus on relationship matters, which of course is a building brick to bigger changes like all the transits are. but for me, not an exciting time, ig it's why I'm born in neptune and uranus in aquarius gen 💀

✮⌁ many of us have parents that have uranus or pluto in libra, and tbf, they likely were closed minded, people pleasing or even racist at times. but our pluto sag ass knew how to deal with it. how many of y'all gen z's gave your mommy a lecture on lgbt+ rights and the people with other cultures and backgrounds? 🖐🏼 also butting heads over someone wearing something on the streets, I'm like "THEY CAN DO whatever they want, let them live"

✮⌁ speaking of pluto in sagittarius, I'm a little underwhelmed. dgmw we made so many changes and paved the way for future generations, but moreso, perspective wise. I didn't see many tangible changes from this gen compared to pluto in scorpio, which was wild in terms of sexual expression, experiments, conspiracies, institutional corruption, societal and medical change. pluto in sag was kinda mild, we allowed everyone's voice to be heard, explored other cultures and lifestyles, probably have friends from all around the world, we're willing to learn and are open to all sources of knowledge, we're truth tellers and we won't shut up. I guess our mission was too easy for us.

✮⌁ pluto in sag gen probably have challenging experiences relating to higher education, college years may have been dark and even traumatic for many esp if you also have it conjunct chiron 🏴‍☠️ even our sense of belief in ourselves and optimism is wounded, we put on a happy front because we see a better future for the world at large, but not for us, like we're some type of teachers or gurus raising a child.

✮⌁ if you have pluto conjunct chiron, you may feel dismissed or misplaced. things can hurt deeply with this. this also may indicate some family karma that needs to be resolved. your ancestors may have done shady stuff that cost them a lot. you are here to change that and find the light that future generations will thank you for. you got the resources to do so since conjunction is the most beneficial of all. you got a lot of healing and transformative powers. since it's in sag, it may be about clearing up nasty beliefs and perceptions of people and the world, even harmful actions and disrespect towards different individuals. you're the truth-seeker that refuses to take on outdated traditions and beliefs.

✮⌁ pluto in capricorn gen understand the value of monetary resources because they experienced a restriction of it at some point in their lives. there's this feeling of restriction coming from societal rules or memories of such repressive time, which they may feel the need to go against and prove themselves by working and gaining more power. they know how to survive in times of chaos and make the most out of what they have. they may have goals of creating some type of legacy for themselves and future generations. also maybe capricorn ruling the skeletal system is why caps give the 💀🩻🪦🏴‍☠️ impression, sry I keep making jokes about y'all, but ya dgaf 🫶🏼

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