#CLIFF BURTON FAMILY I LOVE YOU

[allmoshnobrain]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫: 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 01 of 06 | masterpost

word count: 5,1k | ao3 link | fic's playlist

✦ on this chapter: NSFW!!!, james hetfield x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, grief, mxf sex, unprotected sex

✦ a/n: The epilogue's finally here! As I said before, I had to split it into a few parts because it turned out really long and I wanted to tie all loose ends lol I haven't finished writing it yet, but I'll try to keep posting twice a week. Many things will have changed in this, since it's set mostly in 1992. We will have some flashbacks, but I dated all the parts so it wouldn't get confusing. Hope you enjoy the read, feedback is welcome! ❤

December 31, 1991

San Francisco in December hit me with that familiar chill as soon as I stepped off the plane; I quickly slipped on my gloves and shrugged into my coat, letting out a sigh as the cold nipped at my nose and fogged up my breath. It felt weird being back after so long, back to the city where I'd lived, loved, and grown up all those years ago.

I’d bid farewell to San Francisco two years back when my art career started picking up steam, making the move to LA seem like the logical next step. Coming back to the city stirred up a pain that ran deep in my bones — a constant reminder of the happiness I once knew but could never quite recapture, a bittersweet flashback to all I'd experienced — and all that had slipped away.

Lars had invited friends and family for a massive bash at his vacation home, ringing in the end of the year and welcoming 1992 with a bang. I had a hunch the extravagant party had something to do with his recent divorce, after a rushed marriage which had barely lasted two years. He'd even sent his driver, Simon, to scoop me up from the airport.

It was a relief not to have to wrangle a taxi amidst the chaos of folks flying in for the last flights before New Year's Eve. Slipping into the Jaguar, I peeled off my sunglasses with a sigh; those shades had become my shield against being recognized in the last few months. Ever since I'd started doing TV gigs, getting spotted by strangers and paparazzi was becoming a regular thing. It came with the territory, sure, but sometimes, a girl just wanted a little peace and quiet.

"Good afternoon, Miss Burton," Simon greeted me with a smile as I hopped into the car, and I shot one right back at him. "Mr. Ulrich was really looking forward to your arrival."

"Thanks, Simon. Are the others already there?" I inquired, my gaze drifting out the window as we cruised away from the airport.

"Yes, Mr. Hammett and Mr. Newsted are. Mr. Hetfield will show up later; I'll swing back to get him after dropping you off. And Miss Summers won't be joining us."

I let out a sigh. Ever since Cliff had passed, Leanne had drifted away from the group, moving to another city and cutting most ties. She said it hurt too much to stick around — too many reminders of him . I got where she was coming from and harbored no hard feelings, but her absence had definitely put some distance between us over the years.

"Well, I'll have to shoot her a call later and wish her a Happy New Year," I mused absentmindedly. "Do you know if my aunt and uncle are gonna make it?"

"Yes, I'll pick them up later," Simon replied, earning a small smile from me. Despite Cliff's passing hitting us all hard, Aunt Jan and Uncle Ray had been a steady presence for me and the guys. They'd practically become like second parents to all of us over the years, always there in the Metallica routine, whether it was on the professional front or at family and friends' get-togethers.

It took us a bit to roll up to Lars' vacation home, a big old mansion tucked away in one of San Francisco’s most expensive neighborhoods, a far cry from the tiny house we used to live in back in the day. Simon pulled up at the main entrance; the door was wide open, and I caught a glimpse of the staff buzzing around, putting the final touches on the shindig. Judging by the crates of booze being unloaded, this was gonna be more than just a cozy New Year's bash with a few friends.

"Thanks for the ride, Simon," I said, grabbing my bag and popping open the car door. "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Miss."

It didn't take me long to spot Lars; the moment I stepped into the foyer, there he was, barking orders to his assistant at lightning speed, champagne glass already in hand. I couldn't help but grin; classic Lars, hitting the booze before anyone else. He turned my way at the sound of my footsteps echoing on the polished floor, breaking into a smile as he strode over.

"Nore!" he exclaimed, pulling me into a bear hug. "I'm so stoked you made it."

"Hey, Lars," I grinned, returning the hug. It had been a hot minute since I'd seen him or any of the guys; 1991 had been a whirlwind for all of us, and work had pretty much consumed our lives at warp speed.

"How was the trip? Did Simon take good care of you?"

"Yeah, it was smooth sailing. Simon's a pro, always has been. But seriously, Lars, you shouldn't have him grinding away on the last day of the year."

"Oh, he's getting compensated handsomely for it, don't you worry. Hey, you remember your way around the house, right? Kirk and Jason are probably chilling in the sauna. Oh, Allie!" Lars called out to his assistant, a dark-haired girl who looked eager to please. "Got the guest list handy? Can you show our girl here where she'll be crashing tonight?" Allie nodded briskly, and Lars flashed me a smile, turning back to me. "Party kicks off at 9 PM, so I'm just tying up loose ends. Make yourself comfy, grab some grub if you're hungry, alright? Consider the place your own."

I trailed after Allie to my room, a fancy suite with a king-size bed that looked like it had never been slept in. Lars always had a flair for the extravagant, but Metallica's success in recent years seemed to have kicked that into overdrive; his new vacation house was straight-up lavish, with more rooms than I could count, a massive pool, a sauna, and even a private movie theater.

I decided to chill in my room until the party kicked off; as much as I was itching to catch up with everyone, I was straight-up wiped out. Lately, I'd been craving more time alone, away from the chaos of the ragers my friends used to live for. But hey, I knew we'd all cross paths eventually, and sure enough, when I finally made my grand entrance, one of the first faces I spotted was Kirk's, rolling in with James, who apparently had arrived while I was hiding out.

"Nore!" Kirk grinned, pulling me into a hug. I chuckled, hugging him back. "Damn, you're looking good!"

"Thanks, Kirk. It's all Lars' doing; he picked out the dress," I replied, nodding at the long red number I was sporting. I’d found it laid out on the bed in my room with a note telling me to rock it for the night. I eyed Kirk's suit, a slick navy number with gold accents. "You're looking sharp yourself."

"Yeah, that's all Lars' handiwork too. Dude's on a mission to throw the ultimate party. But hey, who am I to complain? There's champagne!" Kirk chuckled, clinking his glass against mine.

"Hey, Nore." I glanced up at the sound of his voice, meeting James' intense blue gaze. A faint smile tugged at my lips; being around him always stirred up a whirlwind of emotions that were hard to untangle. Love, sure, but also heartache. It stung, yet it felt oddly comforting. Like coming home.

"Hi, James," I greeted him softly. Kirk shot us a quick look.

“Well, I'm gonna go track down our host. Catch you guys later!" He excused himself. I watched Kirk saunter off, a slight jolt running through me as James' hand landed on the small of my back.

"Have you grabbed a bite to eat yet? Lars said you got here before me," he murmured, his voice low. I looked up at him, seeing his eyes scanning the crowd of guests, a champagne flute in his other hand.

"Not yet."

"Want me to snag something for you? Lars went all out with the spread this time."

"I'm good, James." 

"Didn't drag your boyfriend along to the party?" he quipped, and I couldn't help but snort.

"What boyfriend?"

"That... Brian guy? I dunno, it's hard to keep up with all the dudes you've cycled through since we split," he remarked, a hint of irony dancing in his eyes. I furrowed my brow; was he joking or dead serious? It was getting tougher to read James these days.

"If you wanna know if I'm seeing someone, just ask," I shot back sharply. He let out a sardonic laugh and rolled his eyes. I held his gaze. "And what about your 'Nothing Else Matters' chick? She bailed on the party?"

"I ended things with her," he replied, a hint of annoyance creeping into his tone. "And I've told you that song wasn't about her."

"Then who was it about?"

"Do I really need to spell it out?" he growled, stepping closer. I lifted my chin, meeting his gaze head-on. James and I had been locked in this dance for a while now, his anger clashing with my pain like sparks flying. It didn't shock me that Kirk wanted no part of our little reunion.

"I'm gonna go track down Lars," I tossed back dryly before strutting off. I could practically feel James rolling his eyes as he polished off the rest of his champagne in one gulp.

I didn't cross paths with James again until much later, well after midnight had come and gone. We’d all gathered on the balcony to catch the fireworks, dishing out Happy New Year wishes and hugs left and right. When the crowd filtered back inside, I lingered behind, a cigarette dangling between my fingers as I stared up at the star-studded sky, grappling with the bitter irony that another year had kicked off without Cliff here to see it.

"I did wanna know, actually," a voice cut through the silence, jolting me. I turned to find James leaning against one of the pillars, his gaze fixed on me with a serious edge.

"What?" I murmured, my heart picking up its pace as he closed the gap between us.

"You said if I wanted to know if you were seeing someone, I just had to ask. And I did wanna know," he replied, so close now I could smell the booze on his breath.

"I'm not," I answered, and he grunted, satisfied, before pulling me into his arms, his lips finding mine.

He tasted like beer and tobacco, his lips moving against mine in a familiar dance, the echoes of an old tune. No matter how much time passed or how much it hurt, James and I always found our way back to each other.

"You know that song was about you," he murmured, his kisses trailing down my neck, his grip tightening on my hips as he pulled me closer, our bodies pressed together. "Do you really have to mess with me like this?"

I didn't answer; instead, I grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him back to me, his arms holding me tight as he kissed me with urgency, nipping at my lower lip. He wasn't holding back as he pushed me against the balcony railing, his hands hiking up the skirt of my dress, his touch igniting a fire in my belly.

"My room or yours?" I gasped against his lips.

"Does yours come with a bathroom?" he quipped, and I chuckled softly, nodding. "Figures. Lars always hooks you up with the best ones."

"Mine, then," I murmured, a faint smile playing on my lips.

We made our way up to my room, James guiding me through the labyrinth of hallways and rooms in the house with his hand in mine. The moment the door clicked shut behind us, his hands were back on me, pulling me close as his lips trailed hungrily along my neck, tugging at the straps of my dress.

"James, you're gonna wreck the dress..." I protested weakly, my fingers tangled in his hair. He grunted, yanking it down, and I heard a rip that probably meant the garment was already ruined anyway.

"I'll get you another one," he grumbled. "As many as you want."

With urgency matching his, I stripped off his shirt, a few buttons popping off and bouncing across the bedroom floor. Before I could even blink, he lifted me, depositing me on the bed and positioning himself over me. I kicked off my heels, sending them flying into some forgotten corner, releasing a low moan as he pressed against me, his arousal evident through the fabric of his pants. There was no time for calm contemplation, no room for hesitation or second-guessing if this was the right move; our desire for each other was insatiable, ravenous and desperate, and I felt it would consume me completely if we didn't satisfy it right then and there.

I sighed as his lips reclaimed mine, his hand tangled in my hair, gripping it firmly as I worked on unbuttoning his pants, easing them down. He pulled back for a moment, shedding the rest of his clothes before sliding off my panties, emitting a low groan as he entered me. I shut my eyes, clutching onto his arms tightly, my nails digging into his skin. He wasn't holding back; and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Look at me," he growled, his hand guiding my chin as he thrust into me, sending waves of pleasure coursing through my body. I obeyed, meeting his gaze as tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, my mouth slightly agape as I let out small, sharp moans. He shifted his hand to my neck, pressing his forehead against mine.

"James..." I moaned, my grip on his arms tightening as he picked up the pace, sending shivers down my spine. "James..."

"I wanna ruin you. You get that?" he growled, sending a jolt of pleasure through my body at his words. Of course, I got it. What were we if not each other's downfall? What more could I want than for him to consume me entirely, even if just for a moment? For all the pain and heartache to vanish, if only while he was inside me. "I want you to be mine, all mine, all mine... Fuck..." he buried his face in my neck as my climax washed over me, my body clenching around him, my legs wrapping around his hips, pulling him deeper. "Nore..." he groaned, his own release crashing over him, filling me completely as he continued to move until the intensity of his peak forced him to collapse onto me.

He rolled away, settling beside me, leaving a pulsating void inside me where pain and pleasure danced together in my womb and heart. I shut my eyes, focusing on steadying my breath, and let out a soft chuckle when I felt his lips on my neck, his arms pulling me close in a fleeting but genuine comfort.

"My girl..." he murmured against my ear, sending a delicious shiver down my spine. I'd lost track of how many times he'd called me that, but it never failed to stir something in me. "Why do you keep running from me? Don't you know I love you so?"

I opened my eyes, locking onto his gaze, a blend of longing and yearning reflected back at me. Nestling into his embrace, I placed a soft kiss on his lips, feeling his gaze soften into a tender warmth that sent tingles down my spine.

"I'm here now," I murmured, tracing my fingers gently over his face. He sighed, closing his eyes, intertwining our hands and pressing kisses to my palm, one, two, three times before pulling me close in a tight hug.

Peace hadn't been a frequent visitor in my life for a while, but in that moment, I found it. I'd always find my way back to James, and he'd always find his way back to me. That certainty coursed through my veins, leaving me feeling whole in a way I hadn't in ages.

The next day, we'd be back in the spotlight, the distance between us creeping back in like a toxic fog. But for now, on that night, I was content. I was at peace.

I was home.

September 28, 1986

The shrill ring of the phone pierced through the silence of the empty house, yanking me out of a deep slumber with a groan. I blinked, the heavy rain drumming against the bedroom windows registering in my foggy mind. Stretching out across the bed, I groped for James, only to remember he wasn't there; my boyfriend was off on tour with my cousin and my friends. That left just Leanne and me holding down the fort.

Dragging myself out of bed, my eyes still weighed down by sleep, I shrugged into my robe and slipped on my slippers before trudging out of the room, descending the stairs at a snail's pace. Flicking on the lights in the living room, I scowled at the clock — it wasn't even seven in the morning. This better be an important call, I grumbled inwardly. I was itching to crawl back under the covers.

"Hey," I mumbled, stifling a yawn and rubbing my eyes in an attempt to shake off the sleepiness.

"Hey, Nore," James' voice crackled through the receiver, but in my grogginess, I barely registered the tense undertone, so unlike his usual laid-back demeanor.

"Babe..." I murmured, another yawn threatening to escape. "I know you're in a different time zone, but it's way early here. I was out cold..."

"I'm sorry. I had to call," he replied, and this time, the strain in his voice didn't go unnoticed. I furrowed my brow, sinking down onto the couch beside the phone, suddenly wide awake.

"Is everything alright? Did something happen?"

"Yeah, something happened. Is Leanne there with you?"

"I think she's asleep. Why?"

"We had a crash," he said, and my heart clenched, a surge of unease and dread knotting my stomach. "We were on the road... Late at night. The driver lost control..."

My breath hitched, and in that instant, a sense of foreboding washed over me. Something felt off, deeply unsettling. It just didn't add up. I knew I should be getting this call from someone else. I knew my cousin; I knew Cliff would want to speak to me and Leanne directly, to break the news himself.

Like when he shared he was leaving Long Beach for San Francisco. Like when he announced he was joining Metallica. Like when he called to tell me Dave got booted from the band, or when he rang to say Metallica was wrapping up tour and he wanted me there for their first hometown gig after dropping the first album.

Something wasn't right.

"James," I whispered, my voice trembling, tears pricking at my eyes as if I already knew what he was going to say. "What happened to Cliff?"

January 1st, 1992

I jolted awake, my cheeks damp with tears that refused to cease flowing. I sighed heavily, my breath shaky, the early morning sunlight just beginning to seep through the curtains. James' arms were wrapped snugly around me, his breath warm against my shoulder as he softly snored.

That dream, again.

It always seemed to resurface whenever I was near James. Maybe my subconscious still linked him to that chilly morning, to that phone call that’d shattered any hope of happiness for the rest of that year and beyond. A call that tore a hole in the fabric of my world, leaving an ache in my heart that felt like it would never mend.

The call that had shattered my heart for good, leaving no chance of putting the pieces back together.

I carefully shifted James' arm away from me, slipping out of bed and heading to the bathroom. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I took in my tired blue eyes framed by dark circles, my brown hair tumbling in waves over my shoulders, and the red marks on my neck and collarbone left by James the night before. With a sigh, I opened the bathroom cabinet, my hands trembling slightly as I reached for the pills I knew would help ease my anxiety.

I lacked the courage to return to bed, so I nestled into one of the armchairs in the corner of the room, observing James' peaceful slumber as the daylight gradually filled the space. He stirred awake soon after, as if sensing my absence beside him, his eyelids fluttering before he groggily opened his eyes. With a puzzled frown, he reached out for the bed, only to find it empty, prompting him to scan the room. A sigh escaped him when he spotted me, a sense of relief washing over his features that tugged at my heartstrings.

"Bad dream?" he inquired, and I simply nodded in response. "You wanna hop back into bed?"

"I'd rather not risk slipping into another nightmare," I admitted, and he sighed, sitting upright.

"Well, I know a surefire way to keep you awake, if you're interested," he quipped, and I managed a shaky laugh. I much preferred this relaxed and caring version of James to the sarcastic and irritable one from the night before. "So, spill. What was haunting you this time?"

"The usual. That day," I murmured. It wasn't anything new; I'd replayed that nightmare countless times, and James was well aware. My demons weren't a mystery to us, but that didn't make them any less terrifying.

With a sigh, he got up and strolled over to me, scooping me up effortlessly, which elicited a surprised gasp from me. He carried me back to bed, settling me down beside him, his hand securing my waist while the other supported the underside of my thighs, lifting one leg and tucking it around his waist. I hugged him tightly, nuzzling into his chest. It was a brief moment of warmth and solace, a fleeting calmness that I knew would vanish as soon as the day kicked into gear and he walked out that door.

"Are you taking off today?" I whispered softly. I understood that once James and I dove back into our regular routines — fame, commitments, the whole mess — things would get complicated again. I'd lose him once more; I'd been through that too many times in the last few years to entertain any other outcome. But as long as we were together, there, shielded from everything else, he was mine. And I craved his presence. I craved his warmth.

"Do you want me to jet today?" he countered, and I shook my head no. He grumbled under his breath, the rumble vibrating against my cheek as I snuggled closer. "Then I'll hang tight. I suppose we can annoy Lars a bit longer."

"I'm too scared to doze off," I admitted weakly, grappling with the heaviness of my eyelids, which threatened to seal shut from exhaustion. James planted a kiss on the top of my head, gently stroking my hair.

"I ain't budging. If you slip into that nightmare again, I'll be right here when you wake up. Deal?" he whispered, and I nodded.

I knew that as soon as I drifted off, that same haunting dream would likely rear its ugly head. It was just one more cruel reminder of the growing chasm between James and me. It felt like we were broken, perpetually out of sync, and his nearness both healed and wounded me in equal measure. But in that moment, I was willing to bear the pain if it meant he'd stick by my side.

"I love you, Jamie," I murmured, and he sighed, pulling me close as my body surrendered to sleep.

"I love you too, Nore," his voice was the last thing I heard before drifting off.

February 18, 1992

The bouquet of red roses James had given me was beginning to droop, the once vibrant petals shriveling and browning with each passing day. Yet, the fragrance lingering in the air remained sweet and evocative, as if the flowers were still in full bloom.

I sighed as I ran a brush through my hair, eyeing the dress laid out on the bed for the evening bash. It was the launch party for the new TV network schedule I'd been hired for, and showing up was not just a courtesy but a must.

I hadn't crossed paths with James much since our time at Lars' getaway spot. His absence had become a familiar ache over the last few years, a kind of shield we'd unintentionally built between us over time. Yet, there was always that tiny flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, he'd call out of the blue and bring back that sense of ease with his voice.

To my surprise, the phone did ring that day. I set the brush down on the vanity, hurriedly making my way to the bedside table to answer it, a rush of excitement coursing through me.

“Nore?” the voice on the other end wasn't James', but it still warmed my heart, prompting a smile to spread across my face as I sank back onto the bed, cradling the phone to my ear.

“Lea!” I exclaimed, feeling a surge of joy. “It's been too long! How've you been?”

“I'm great! And you?”

“Oh, you know. Just hanging in there. How's Joe?” I swiftly changed the subject. As much as I adored Leanne, I wasn't ready to spill my guts about how I was really feeling.

“Oh, he's doing fantastic. Actually, that's why I rang you up. We're getting married!” she announced, her excitement palpable, and I couldn't help but smile.

“Lea, that's incredible! When's the big day?”

“It's in August. We figured summer would be perfect. I'm calling to extend the invite; would you do me the honor of being one of my bridesmaids?”

I leaped up, my grin stretching wider across my face. Leanne and I had been thick as thieves since day one; seeing her so thrilled about tying the knot, and knowing she wanted me to be part of her big day, warmed my heart.

“Oh, absolutely!” I exclaimed, a bubbling laugh of joy and surprise escaping my lips. Lea chuckled in response, matching my excitement. “Thank you! I know it's going to be beautiful. Can you fill me in on all the details later?”

The rest of my day sparkled with newfound energy after the news; I even caught myself humming an old song as I finished getting dolled up for the evening bash, weaving my hair into an intricate hairdo my mom had insisted on teaching me.

When I finished getting ready, I checked myself out in the mirror, pretty pleased with the result; the dark blue spaghetti-strap dress hugged my curves just right, with the skirt flaring out at the waist and skimming down to my ankles. A dainty golden choker with crystals adorned my neck, and my long brown locks were styled to perfection, framing my face in all the right places, with my eyes sparkling, cheeks a touch flushed, and lips painted red.

But, of course, I couldn't roll up to an event like that on my own; right on the dot at 7 p.m., I heard the honk signaling my ride had arrived. I sauntered down the stairs, arching an eyebrow in surprise as I stepped outside and spotted the limo parked up front. My old friend Charlotte rolled down the window from the backseat, flashing me a big grin.

“Hey, Nore!” she chirped as I slid into the car, handing over a glass of champagne, which earned a soft chuckle from me. “Ready to rock?”

“I guess I’m a bit jittery. First time going to a party like this one,” I admitted. Now that I was on my way, the thought of facing a swarm of photographers and journalists at the event’s entrance was making me more nervous than I cared to admit, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for it.

“Well, it's gonna be a blast, trust me! Everyone who's anyone will be there. I'll be your wingwoman, so don't worry about a thing. I'll make sure you rub elbows with all the big shots you haven't bumped into yet during the shoots.”

I nodded, taking a bit of champagne to settle my nerves, the bubbles dancing on my tongue and momentarily diverting my attention. If my acting career was taking flight now, it was all thanks to Charlie; she'd been the driving force behind my return to the scene after I’d graduated High School, persuading me to switch gears from the Visual Arts program up in San Francisco to Drama School down in Los Angeles, and had even helped me snag my first TV gig.

I'd recently jumped into acting over at the same TV network where Charlotte had been working as an actress for a while. Even though I hadn't wrapped up recording my first project yet, the buzz around a relatively unknown actress snagging the lead in the latest drama series had caught the media’s attention. In just about a year, my life had changed completely, going from being just another face in the crowd to even having paparazzi tail me. But truth be told, I was still getting the lay of the land at the network. Charlie had hit the nail on the head; this party was prime time to make some connections.

We rolled up to the party spot; I soon realized that navigating through the sea of photographers and reporters on that red carpet was no joke. But once I got past the Q&A, which mostly revolved around my work and career, it was time to get down to business. Charlotte ushered me into conversations with all sorts of folks: actors, musicians, executives, and even some of the network's shareholders. It hit me quick that networking at these parties was just as much a part of the job in the entertainment industry as being good at your craft.

The hours zoomed by amid chats, laughter, drinks, and nibbles. Soon, I was feeling drained and decided to grab a bite from the buffet before taking a breather. As I was fixing my plate, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, expecting it to be Charlie, ready to introduce me to someone new.

Never in a million years could I have guessed what awaited me in the next few seconds.

"Nore... Is that really you?" the man exclaimed, looking utterly astonished, and suddenly I was eighteen again, my heart racing in completely uncontrollable pirouettes as my breath hitched, my surprised gaze meeting his, the world filling with color and song as I stared into the eyes of Dave Mustaine.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

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[metallicaislife]

Childhood Friends

A/N: omg this is the longest fic I've written so far. It flowed so smoothly out of my brain I'm gonna cry. 🥹💚

Genre: Fluff, suggestive themes and brief mentions of smut but not explicit

Word Count: 2,180

Warnings: Smoking

When I was young I had a neighbor. He was my best friend. From dawn until dusk we hung out. Whether we wandered the neighborhood on an adventure or at his house as he practiced the bass. He was the kind of person we didn’t need to have constant conversation with to be comfortable. I was absolutely heartbroken at age 14 when my family moved to be closer to my dad’s parents. We called each other every once in a while, but that soon stopped as we got busy with the lives we had going on around us. I’m now in my 20’s and I think about him every so often, I hope he’s doing well, and that all his dreams came true.

It was a typical night, I came home from work. Had a small dinner and curled up on the couch to watch my favorite sitcom. The phone started ringing so I got up to answer it.

“Hello?” 

“Is this, Y/N?” A deep calm voice came over the receiver. 

“Speaking. Who is this?” I asked.

“It’s Cliff.” He spoke. My eyes widened. 

“Cliff? Like Cliff Burton?” I asked. He chuckled. 

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you?” He asked. My heart was thrumming against my chest. 

“I’m doing well. How are you? How did you get my number?” 

“Glad to hear. I’m doing great. I took a chance and looked in a phone book.” He answered me. I laughed. 

“I dunno why I never thought of that.” I said. 

“I called because my band is going to be in your neck of the woods, I’d love it if you came to our show.” 

“You’re in a band?” I asked excitedly. Cliff chuckled.

“Yeah, I am. We’re called Metallica. Do you know where the bar on Main Street and 9th is?” He asked. 

“Sure do. When is the show?” I grinned, feeling giddy. 

“Tomorrow night. Sorry it’s short notice.” He said. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad you called. What time is it?” 

“8. I’ll buy you a drink after.” He said. 

“God, last time I saw you we were kids. Where’d the time go?” I leaned against my wall. 

“It’s been far too long. I’m excited to see you.” He said, I could hear the smile in his voice. 

“Me too.” I replied. 

“I gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.” 

“Thanks, see ya tomorrow Cliff.” I said and hung up. 

I pinched myself. Yup that happened. I didn’t fall asleep watching ‘Cheers’ and dreamed of that conversation. I squealed in excitement. 

The following day went by quickly, which I was super grateful for. When I knew Cliff he was playing Thin Lizzy on his bass. I’m curious to see what kind of music he plays. I found a comfortable but cute outfit and left to go to the bar. 

I got a cocktail and waited around. Soon the band Metallica was announced. I spotted him straightaway. It was hard not to. I thought he was tall when we were young. He grew so much more. He was tall and lanky yet toned, his auburn hair long and unruly. His hazel eyes met mine and he grinned. The same smile that brightened my days all those years ago. I smiled back and gave a small wave. 

I’d never heard anything like their music before. It was loud and fast. Absolutely electrifying. I was mesmerized by Cliff, his head banging and the passion emanated off him. 

“Thanks everyone!” The lead singer and rhythm guitarist waved. Cliff caught my eye again and motioned for me to head backstage. I gave a nod and made my way back. He was leaning against a wall with his hands in his pockets. He looked up and grinned. He pushed off the wall and walked toward me pulling me into a bone crushing hug. I hugged him back tightly, uncaring that he was sweaty from his performance. He pulled back and held my shoulders studying me. I grinned staring back up at him. 

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to my bandmates then we’ll get a drink and catch up.” He shifted, placing his arm around my shoulder as he took me back to the green room. 

The drummer was sprawled on a couch fanning himself, the guitarist was drinking some water while sitting on a chair and the lead singer was packing up his equipment.

“Hey guys, I want to introduce you to my childhood friend.” Cliff said. They all looked in our direction and I gave a small wave. 

“Y/N, this is Lars.” He pointed to the drummer, “Kirk,” then to the guitarist, “and James.” He motioned to the lead singer. “Guys this is Y/N, we used to be neighbors growing up.” He introduced. 

“Nice to meet you guys.” I smiled at them. 

“Nice to finally meet you, we’ve heard so much about you. Our guy Cliff here talks about you a lot.” James said. Cliff shot him a look and I stifled a small laugh as my cheeks heated up. 

“Anyways, I already packed my things. We’re gonna go get a drink and catch up.” Cliff said steering me out of the dressing room before any of the others had a chance to say anything. I turned back to wave at them before we exited the room. 

“So you talk about me, huh?” I asked, jabbing him in the ribs playfully. 

“I mean, yeah. You’re really the only person I hung out with until I started playing in bands.” He confessed. I smiled but didn’t say anything further. 

He got us a couple beers and we found a place to sit. 

I was a little worried it would be awkward, we hadn’t seen each other or even talked in years. It was so comfortable though, telling Cliff what I’d been up to, and listening to his stories about how he’s gotten to where he’s at. 

The night was coming to a close and there was a part of me that wondered if this was it. Would I only see him if he came to town for a show? The kind of friends that saw each other maybe once a year to catch up. I didn’t want that. 

“I wanna see you again, soon.” Cliff said as we walked in the crisp night air. 

“Me too.” I responded. 

“You know I thought you moving away was the end of the world. You’re only 45 minutes away though.” He chuckled. 

“As kids that might as well be across the country.” I laughed, he laughed too. 

“Well now we aren’t kids.” He said.

“No we aren’t.” I replied, “So I'll see you soon then?” I asked. He nodded. “Good.” I smiled. He hugged me again and we parted ways.

True to his word, Cliff called the following night, and we made plans to see each other again. Over the course of a few months, we saw each other as much as we could and talked almost every night. Sometimes we didn’t even talk. He’d call and play the bass for me. I knew that I had missed him, but I hadn’t realized how much until he was in my life again. 

“We’re having a party on Saturday, I want you to come.” Cliff said over the phone. 

“Yeah, I can make that. What’s the address?” I asked. I wrote it down as he relayed it to me, and the time, but he said I could come over whenever. 

I took a bus to El Cerrito. I was lucky enough to find the house pretty easily. The party was in full swing. Cliff was on the porch as I walked up. He saw me and his eyebrow furrowed. 

“Where’s your car?” He asked and exhaled his cigarette smoke. 

“In the shop, it’s been giving me trouble so I caught a bus here. I don’t mind, I'll take one home too.” I replied and stuck my hand out. He placed a cigarette in it, I placed it in my lips and he flicked his lighter so I could light it. 

“Don’t be silly, I’ll take you home.” He said. 

“No, it’s okay.” I said. I looked up and his face was stern. 

“Yes, I will drive you home.” Cliff said with finality. I nodded. 

“Thanks.” I replied. Lars came bounding out of the house. 

“I know you like keeping Y/N all to yourself but it’s a party Burton!” Lars said and grabbed my wrist. I laughed as he dragged me into the house. Cliff rolled his eyes and followed after us. 

The night was filled with laughter as we made memories I will carry with me until the end of my days. 

The party wound down and people were falling asleep. 

“Ready to go?” Cliff asked me as I leaned against the porch smoking a cigarette.

“Yup.” I smiled and put the cigarette out. 

Neither of us got obliterated like the others so we were good for travel. 

“Next time I’ll spend the night so we can party a little harder.” I said. 

“You’re always welcome to.” Cliff grinned and opened the car door for me. I slid in and buckled up. Cliff got in and started the car. 

“There are some tapes in the glovebox.” He said. I opened it up and looked through them. I smiled seeing the first Thin Lizzy album he shared with me, ‘Vagabonds of the Western World’. I put it in, his face lit up as the music played through the speakers. 

The car ride was mostly silent, occasionally singing along to the music. I stared out the window, and I could feel what I’ve been wanting to say to him for a couple weeks bubbling beneath the surface. 

“I love you.” I said aloud as I continued staring at the darkness outside. 

“I love you, too.” Cliff replied. 

“No, Cliff, I’m in love with you.” I said refusing to look in his direction. I don’t think my heart could handle it if I saw a look of disgust pass across his features. His hand came to rest on my thigh and gave it a comforting squeeze. I finally tore my gaze from the darkness and looked over feeling completely vulnerable. He kept his gaze on the road, but he glanced over, the look on his face the opposite of what I had imagined. 

“I’m in love with you, too.” He replied. I smiled and placed my hand on his, giving it a squeeze as I looked back out the window. A huge weight felt as if it had been lifted from my shoulders. 

We arrived at my place not long after and he walked me to the door. 

“Why don’t you spend the night, it’d be silly to drive all the way here just to head back.” I offered as I unlocked my door. 

“I think you’re just trying to get into my pants.” He teased me as he moved my hair out the way so he could place a kiss on my neck. 

“Maybe a little of both.” I teased back. I opened the door and he followed me in. He shut and locked my door. He turned around and placed his hands on my waist. We stared at one another. The only sound is our even breathing. Cliff tucked my hair behind my ear, he cupped my face and brought his lips down to meet mine. I’ve been kissed before, but never like this. It took my breath away. 

We stumbled clumsily through my apartment giggling and losing clothes along the way. We laid in bed and worshiped each other for hours. Learning each other's bodies inside and out. 

We laid in each other's arms, sweaty and worn. I traced soft shapes on his chest as he tickled my back. 

“How are you feeling?” Cliff asked softly. 

“Content.” I replied and kissed his chest. Cliff chuckled. 

“Thank you for telling me how you feel.” He said. 

“If I held it in any longer I think I would’ve combust.” I replied and placed my chin on his chest so I could look at him. His hazel eyes in the dim light held so much love and adoration. I hoped as he looked back he could see that same look mirrored in my eyes. “Thanks for reaching out and inviting me to your show. If you hadn’t, we probably wouldn’t be here.” I said. 

“It was a long shot, but I really missed you. I loved you back then, ya know. But I never could have imagined how much further I could have fallen for you.” He said. My heart skipped a beat and buried my head in his chest. He chuckled and kissed my head. 

I wish I had a Time Machine so I could go back and tell the heartbroken girl that had to move away from her best friend that it wouldn’t be that way forever. She was able to grow up and fall deeply in love with the quiet boy next door who played his bass so passionately.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to request or chat :)

-Isa

#metallica #metallica x reader #metallica imagines #metallica scenarios #metallica fluff #cliff burton #cliff burton x reader #cliff burton fluff

[jwowwsboobs]

Hi

I don't think it was particular people who inspired me to play guitar, but rather wanting to be in a rock n roll band. I just sort of figured it was an instrument I could play.

How about you? What inspired you to start playing?

Have a nice day/night

🍄

P.S I won't be able to respond for the next week, so sorry in advance.

all good no worries!

a big ol mess of things i guess…music is pretty big in my family, both my parents and grandmothers play instruments & my sister has been playing violin since she was 3, i tried cello and violin briefly but it didn't really interest me too much. getting into rock made me want to learn how to play so i could write songs. id probably cite luke gruntz, courtney love, kurt cobain, and frank iero as the ppl that made me want to play guitar & steve deciantis as the guy that made me want to play bass. tho as ive gotten more into music my influence have definitely um. changed lol. still would cite gruntz, love, n deciantis, but also cliff burton, chuck dukowski, geezer butler, and darcy wretzky. 

#asks #srs22 #🍄 anon

[felis-catus-silvestris]

yk what? I like you *tells you my SK8 the Infinity headcanons*

Reki

he’s bi. like Rich Goranski bi. (yes this was a Be More Chill reference, who do you take me for?)

what made him find out, you might be asking: he had a crush on James from Team Rocket when he was like 10 (I do think he watched Pokemon as a kid)

he’s a HUGE disney nerd

he made Langa watch all the old-school disney movies with him (yk, Robin Hood, The Sword in the Stone, The Three Musketeers, all that good stuff)

he also adores Tim Burton’s animations and anything by Studio Laika (his favorites are Coraline and The Corpse Bride)

he has adhd

he knows how to braid hair, and braided Langa’s hair multiple times

has multiple makeover sessions and tea parties with his sisters

skateboards are not the only thing he draws, he’s actually really good at art in general

plays rpg with Miya

Langa

a demisexual homoromantic

he can cook, and helps his mom whenever he can

likes watching horror movies with Reki, cause he knows his friend (and “secret” crush) will get scared and cling onto him

but he does actually enjoy horror

his favorites are the ones based off Stephen King books (mainly The Shining and Misery)

had a Harry Potter phase

is a Griffindor

also had a Percy Jackson phase

child of Tyche (goddess of luck)

convinced Reki to read The Lightning Thief and actually got him hooked into the series

Kaoru/Cherry

is a gay man

went through a middle school emo phase

knows Kojiro and is friends with him since they were little kids

had a thing for Adam during high school, that obviously ended when he threw a guy off a cliff during a beef

bickering and insulting are his love languages

no, but seriously, he almost never means an insult

practically lives at Kojiro’s restaurant

programming became one of his main hobbies during freshman year high school, that’s when he started developing Carla

noticed his feelings for Kojiro a little bit after high school graduation, but only confessed after his beef against Adam that resulted in a skateboard to his face

Kojiro/Joe

Bi. no more comment needed

has pictures from Kaoru’s emo phase, which he jokingly calls “his blackmail pictures” (he’d never show them to anyone without Kaoru’s permission, and Kaoru knows it)

realized his feelings for Kaoru in sophomore year high school, but also realized Kaoru liked Adam, so he let them be, with the thought that Kaoru’s happiness was more than enough for him

was so surprised when Kaoru confessed that he almost fell off his chair and needed like 5 minutes to process what just happened

he only pretends to be annoyed every time Cherry shows up at Sia la Luce, on the inside his so fucking happy

knows how to cook since childhood, used to do it with his family

he also enjoyed baking for his friends

has sort of a dad-like feeling towards Reki, Langa and Miya

Miya

demiboy, aro/ace

he/they pronouns

his rpg characters are always warlocks, rogues or druids, change my mind

the type of person to stop on the street to pat a stray animal, causing everyone to stop and wait for him

called Joe “dad” by accident on multiple occasions, and it actually became a thing

now Joe’s number is saved as “Father” on his phone

on the subject of contact names, Reki is “Slimy Boy”

and Shadow is “Scary Old Guy”

helps Reki and Langa with math homework, jokingly makes fun of them for needing a 13 y/o’s help

Hiromi/Shadow

the local straight ally

knows a LOT of flower meanings/symbolism

has sent “fuck you” bouquets to multiple people

uses the “Shadow” persona to let out all his pent up anger

and tries his best to hide it from his manager (it doesn’t really work)

at this point he has accepted his role as the local babysitter

he’s kind of the kids’s “cool uncle”

does his job of hiding where he works so poorly that multiple people from S showed at his flower shop

he’s happy for getting new costumers, but annoyed that they are “blowing his cover” from asking for a guy named Shadow when they come in

#sk8 the infinity #headcanons #sk8 the infinity headcanons #kojiro nanjo #kaoru sakurayashiki #hiromi higa #reki #reki kyan #langa hasewaga #miya chinen #anime headcanons #there’s no heterosexual explanations for that show #seriously #everyone is gay #shitposting #matchablossom #renga

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

liar liar

request: I have a request, the reader is dating Spencer, and she and JJ are the ones that know that Emily faked her death. I’m thinking of it taking place in “It Takes A Village,” and she has to deal with Spencer being upset with her, like he was with JJ, but it has a fluff ending? Thanks!

for: @flklrevrmre​

word count: 3,722                                                                                     reading time: 15 mins

a/n: i) if you guys want to be added to my taglist lmk ii) can we all simultaneously fall in love with asa butterfield so i can read more fanfic about him? iii) it’s good to be back ;)

masterlist

You’d think that in a room of profilers they’d be able to recognize the antsy twitches of my ankles and the incessant rubbing of my wrists. Let alone the fact that one of those profilers was someone who knew the inside of my skin better than I did. My staggered breath elicited an involuntary gulp from my esophagus, throwing off my composure.

I pretended to stare at the blank screen of the television in the round table room, dissociating myself from the events to come. Curious murmurs and the shuffling of feet behind me became a chilling tether that reminded me of my circumstances. My breath hitched slightly at the presence of Spencer’s voice, although even the comforting thought of him only aggravated the disquietude bubbling at the bottom of my stomach.

I feel like I’m standing on the precipice of a cliff with the rocks rumbling beneath me. I knew this was a burden, a responsibility that I had to keep for the team--for Emily. I know that I’m not alone on this cliff, but I also know that the weight of this secret was slowly pushing all of us on edge.

-

“Hotch, are you sure you want to do this now?” JJ questioned him with an astonishing look. I tucked my hands into my pockets, leaning against the round table to give his proposition some thought.

“It’s time,” he sighed, lost in his world of thought. “We’ve kept this for months, and Doyle won’t speak about Declan. We need Emily,” he continued, pulling out his phone to ready an alert for the team.

“You don’t think Morgan can get through Doyle without her?” she reasoned.

“No,” he firmly answered, pulling his phone to his ear, and walked out of the room to call Penelope.

JJ shook her head in disapproval, taking a seat on the tabletop behind her. “I don’t know about this Y/N,” she announced, turning her head to gauge my reaction. “I just feel like...it’s too soon,” she expressed.

I chewed on my bottom lip, my mind engulfed by one thing: Spencer.

“What?” I snapped out of my thoughts, JJ’s voice finally registering in my head.

“It’s too soon, don’t you think?” she sought my confidence, but in all honesty, I wasn’t sure either. “I’m sorry, JJ but I don’t know,” I confessed, unable to gather my thoughts, “All I can...all I can think about is Spencer. I know it’s selfish, but…” My voice was caught on my tongue. Although there is a reason for that, I’ve been lying to someone I loved for seven months.

At the mention of Spencer’s name, JJ moved from her position to sit idly next to me. She observed the solemn and grief-stricken expression on my face, reaching over to lay a tender hand on top of mine. “I know,” she reassured.

“But Hotch is right,” I reasoned, “Emily--t-the team--they have the right to know,” I stammered over my words as I took a calming breath, exhaling out my worries. “JJ, he’s going to be devastated.”

“Then...we’ll tell him together,” she justified, a motherly yet comforting air radiating from her.

-

Together. That was the plan.

“Everybody take a seat,” Hotch gestured to the team. He folded his arms together and peered at his colleagues with a stern yet apologetic expression. “Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team.”

Everyone looked around at each other with curious glances. Spencer, on the other hand, turned to me for an explanation. Although when I refused to meet his eyes, it was evident that something serious had occurred.

“As you know, Emily lost a lot of blood in her fight with Doyle,” Hotch lamented, observing the sudden pensive atmosphere of the room. From the corner of my eye, I saw Morgan clench and unclench his fists, empathetic about the guilt that still haunted him. “But the doctors were still able to stabilize her.”

An audible gasp escaped Garcia’s lips, instinctively turning to gauge at Derek’s countenance. But the only emotion present was turmoil. His features had hardened into bewilderment, letting Hotch’s words resonate in his mind. Rossi looked to Hotch while Spencer faced me and JJ. The expression on Spencer’s face was similar to Derek’s, he was in between disbelief and denial. Although what I couldn’t face was his pleading eyes that begged for my confirmation.

“...and she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under convert exfiltration,” Hotch continued to explain, receiving pained looks from his peers. “Her identity was strictly need-to-know, and she stayed there until she was well enough to travel.”

“What does...what does this…” Garcia shook her head, stammering.

“She was assigned to Paris and given several identities--none of which we had access to for her security.” Hotch finished.

Morgan scoffed in incredulity, retreating into his mind. Standing up from his chair, he backed away from the table, clasping his hands behind his head. Garcia, frozen in her seat, spoke apprehensively with glassy eyes, “She’s alive?”

My heart broke at the anguished crack in her deliverance, remorse eating up my insides. Spencer’s posture straightened up in his chair, leaning forward to question Hotch’s place in all this. “But...we buried her,” Spencer rebutted in a strained voice.

“As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision,” Hotch nodded at the team, “If anyone has any issues, they should be directed towards me.”

“Any issues?” Morgan seethed, “Yeah, I got issues.”

The combined expressions of deception and the troublesome atmosphere was enough of a cue for the individual in question to step out. In all her glory, Emily unveiled herself by the door with a conciliatory frown upon her lips. Her fingers were tethered together, an idiosyncrasy of hers that became apparent at the times of disquiet.

“Did you...you know about this?” Spencer flipped his focus on me and JJ, “Did you both know about this?” he scoffed. The dreaded time finally came, the time of confession. I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat tightened up, and my tongue swelled. Regret had tangled me in its inescapable ropes that no noble reasoning would have freed me from my part in this decision.

“Spencer,” Hotch attempted to contend, but Spencer refused to listen.

How was he going to take the news? How could his best friend and his girlfriend lie to him like this?

“Spence,” JJ sighed, “This operation had to be covert for Emily’s sake--and Declan.” By now, everyone’s attention was on me and JJ. I almost couldn’t handle the distraught expression on Morgan’s face as I wasn’t only Spencer’s girlfriend, but his close friend.

How could I have done this? I’ve not only hurt Spencer, but I’ve also hurt the team--my family.

JJ stepped in front of me, brushing a calming hand on my arm. She gave me a reassuring glance, nodding at me to step forward alongside her.

I couldn’t do this.

My stomach curled, and my hands began accumulating sweat.

I can’t.

JJ took a breath, peering at Spencer with regretful eyes. She knew how to get through to him--sometimes better than me. JJ was the shoulder that Spencer could comfortably fall apart on besides me, and I didn’t have the heart to take that away from him. That’s how I knew I had to venture through this alone.

JJ hesitantly opened her mouth to speak, dropping her shoulders in vulnerability, but before the truth can slip past her lips, I interjected. “Wait! um,” I paused, processing the next words that would determine where I stood with Spencer, “I...I was the one that knew,” I muttered through my teeth, knowing that every syllable was a lie. I stepped in front of JJ; averting the attention away from her. “JJ had nothing to do with it. I informed her minutes prior to the meeting.”

Spencer became despondent. His once ardent expression slumped into one that resembled a Tim Burton character, although it was the dejected glare in his eyes that crushed me. Nothing else registered in my head; I knew that I forever scorned him.

With the silence suffocating the room, Hotch called the meeting to end. Everyone wearily stood up from where they were, Garcia instantly leaping onto Emily with numerous inquiries. Spencer didn’t even bother looking back, instead, he paced out of the room, giving Emily a long-awaited hug, and left.

As Emily became occupied with the rest of the team, JJ tugged at the end of my sleeve, pulling aside. “Why...why did you do that?” she questioned, her expression deep in perplexity. “I thought we were supposed to tell him together,” she shook her head, sighing at the sudden deviation from our plan.

“I just,” I took in a breath, “JJ, you know Spencer, and...you know how he gets,” I rationalized. An aching sensation spread across my chest as I recollected the events before, a film casting over my eyes as I justified my decision. “JJ, all I could think about in that meeting was how Spencer would feel afterward,” I croaked, “You and I know he’s already been through too much. I just couldn’t,” I repressed a choked breath. “You and I are the only people he’s okay about being open to, so I couldn’t let him deal with this alone,” I smiled pitifully, a single tear trailing down my cheek, reaching my lips.

“Y/N…” JJ consoled, pulling me into her embrace. I knew that she wanted to say something back--something to combat my reason. But deep down, she understood. I pulled away from her arms, gathering my composure.

“I don’t know where we stand right now,” I bit my lip, shaking my head in sorrow, “JJ, just...just be there for him. Be there for him because I love him.”

-

An agonizing week had passed in the BAU. Emily was reinstated after the team’s hearing at court, the unit dynamic languidly surfaced again, and it seemed like everything was back to normal.

Everything but Spencer.

It’s been eight days and seven nights since he’s slept at our apartment. JJ was generous enough to let him crash with her and Will, which I was appreciative to know that he was at least safe. JJ would give me updates during his stay, reassuring me to have faith and be patient with him. But each night that I spent in a distant bed, every dinner I sat through with an empty bowl opposite from me, and every eerie silence that would suffocate me when arriving home thinned out my perseverance.

Every time that I would reminisce on the warmth of his touch, it tore the remaining strands of my heart. The snarky remarks and malicious glares at work didn’t ease my state of mind either. I was on a cliff again, but this time I was alone.

We were on the jet, working a missing child’s case in New York City. Most of the team surrounded Hotch as he briefed them on the case while I notably sat at the front to evade the disagreeable tension. From time to time, JJ would text me, asking if I were okay. I found the gesture sweet the first few times, but it soon became a remembrance of my reality.

“I need everyone to split into teams,” Hotch announced, making sure that I had heard his statement. “The M.E. will be ready in a few hours, so Dave and Morgan, I need you to go to the morgue. Emily and JJ, I need you to interview a suspect back at the station. Y/N and Spencer, I need both of you to interview the second victim’s family,” Hotch delivered resolutely. However before he could finish, Spencer already had his disputes.

“Hotch, don’t you think I would be more useful in building the geographic profile?” Spencer interjected.

“Reid, I can’t send Y/N alone,” Hotch reinforced.

“Well it seems to me that she’s capable of making big enough decisions, so I think she’ll be fine,” Spencer jeered. “Matter of fact, why don’t we let her interview the suspect instead, since she’s so good at-”

“Reid,” Hotch warned him, sending him a disarming look.

Spencer scoffed, sinking back into his seat, pulling his book up to his face. JJ sent me another text, expressing her condolences about Spencer’s performance, while I sulked in the coldness of my arms.

That’s all Spencer did that week. He pulled away.

-

One. Two. Three rocks surpassed my pacing feet on the sidewalk.

It was the only thing I could force myself to focus on, considering the asphyxiating rigidness between me and Spencer. I was quiet as a mouse with every inhale I took, feeling that even the slightest disturbance would rattle the seemingly innocuous silence. However, despite the invisible barrier between us, Spencer began uttering details about the unsub’s profile.

“I’m thinking that our unsub might be a woman,” Spencer proposed, looking straight ahead of him.

In an attempt to alleviate the atmosphere, I entertained his suspects, “Why do you think so,” I inquired. My breath hitched towards the end of the sentence, sending a small jolt of nerves through my chest.

“Well,” Spencer began, “We can see from the unsub’s methodology that they still nurture the victim--a mother’s instinct--before death. The choice of disposal also indicates cleanliness which we profiled before as a women’s attribute.”

Four. Five. Six rocks.

“That’s true, Spence, but the level of cleanliness doesn’t match the M.O, and the profile points towards a male offender. If it were a female, then that would be one hell of a job to throw off the authorities,” I counteracted, feeling safer in the exchange we shared.

“It could be possible,” Spencer shrugged. “Statistically, women are presumptively better liars than men. They do one hell of a job being deceitful,” He quipped.

Seven. Eig-

My movements stilled at the unforeseen comment, while the same pang in my chest reappeared from before. Despite the wave of self-reproach invading my thoughts, I swallowed my feelings and maintained my professionalism.

“How far is the house from here?” I deadpanned, evading the touchy subject.

“Why don’t you check the coordinates that Hotch sent us. You seem to have a closer relationship to hi-”

“Can you stop?” I exclaimed, stepping out in front of him.  

“Stop what?” He scoffed, refusing to acknowledge my irritation by feigning innocence. He proceeded to project his attention towards the side garden that decorated the sidewalk, observing the various flowers that littered the grounds.  

“This,” I gestured to both of us. “This, this thing that you’re doing. Wh-what are we doing, Spence?”

“You’re acting like you’re not at fault here,” Spencer implicated with a nonchalant shrug. “It’s similar to this unsub’s psyche.”

“That’s not what I meant, Spence.”

“The unsub also didn’t mean to kill the first child so you might have that probability.” He paced off a distance away, leaving me at my lonesome.

“Spencer, can we talk-”

“What if the unsub used a lure to get to the first victim,” Spencer eluded the topic. “Possibly candy or a tactic using the transference of parental authority. Either one would disarm the child.”

I shook my head, playing his little game. “Candy is quite the killer,” I added on, supplementing his theory.

“So are tears,” He quipped. “Hopefully the family can tell us more.”

With that, he ran off once again.

-

In a matter of a week, the unsub had struck again. Unfortunately for the team, our leads had been disproven, and our patience had worn thin. Chagrin had traveled throughout the team rendering us all exhausted. With the additional stress on our shoulders, Spencer’s remarks had intensified and painted a target on my back. Solving this case was the only motivation I had to endure the onslaught of his petty slander; however, my persistence was at the end of its line.

“Spencer, can you pass me a copy of the geographical profile?” I mumbled, running my fingers over my eyelids to wake myself up. I leaned on my elbows, feeling the heat of stress warm up my face. I glanced at Spencer’s movements from my peripheral vision, although my sight proved to be unreliable as Spencer’s face resembled an expression of--what I thought was--worry for a split moment.

Without a reply, Spencer handed me a marker. I looked at Spencer bewildered, glancing between him and the marker that lay in my hand. “What is this?” I deadpanned.

“A marker.”

I bit the inside of my cheek in restraint, retracting my tongue from spitting maliciously. “Yes, I know, Spencer. What is the marker for?” I fumed through my teeth.

“To write with,” Spencer replied shortly, focusing on the file he was analyzing on his lap. I shook my head, rising from my seat to walk over to the whiteboard that Spencer assembled the geographical profile on. I tossed the marker behind me, ridding myself of the negative energy bestowed on the writing utensil.

Before I could set my focus on the board, Spencer pulled me from my concentration with another one of his random probes. “Why aren’t you using the marker?”

“What do you mean?” I sighed, sensing ridicule.

“You’re modifying the profile at one of the points right?”

He looked up from his files, making eye contact with me for the first time in weeks. By reflex, I shifted my gaze away from him, guilt making itself ubiquitous in my conscience. “I’m analyzing one of the points of the profile,” I uttered. “I think our initial impression about the unsub’s disposal area is inexact.

“Is that how you and Hotch figured out Emily’s burial site?”

An ember began swirling inside of my veins, traveling to each corner of my body. I bit my tongue once again, suppressing the build-up of indignation coursing through me. “The location of disposal doesn’t make sense. It’s not even in the area that we triangulated,” I challenged.

“What are you saying?”

“I mean, could it be possible for the unsub to transport the victims to different disposal sites?”

“Like how Emily was transferred from Boston to Bethesda?” Spencer mentioned. “Then yes, the probability of that transpiring is notable” he mocked.

The suppressed spark inside of me aggregated, overpowering the last bit of patience I harbored. The ropes tethering the frayed strands of my rationality snapped, leaving my impulses to burst through the seams. Even my best attempts at subduing myself rendered useless to Spencer’s incessant commentaries. I was done.

“You’re relentless aren’t you?” I jeered, spinning around to face him. Fire laced my veins, and the childish sneer on his face only kindled my resentment.

“Relentless on figuring out this case.” Spencer brushed my comment aside, diverting his attention to the papers on his lap.

In the momentum of my impulsivity, I seized the files away from him, forcing him to acknowledge the issue at hand. “Spencer, you can’t keep pretending like everything is fine,” I threw up my hands in the air in exasperation, catching a few lingering eyes of the team.

“I don’t have to deal with this right now,” Spencer professed, rising from his seat to walk away. But before he had the opportunity to reach the exit, I grabbed onto his wrist, halting him.

“Then, when?” I taunted. “When are you going to deal with this?”

By now, we had attracted an audience.

“Certainly not with you,” he snickered mockingly.

“Reid!” I snapped, my voice rising in volume and fierceness. “You can’t keep running away from your problems.”

“Are you serious right now, Y/N?” he vocalized incredulously, glaring at me with bitter hostility. “You’re just bothered that you did something that hurt me--th-that hurt all of us, and I sought comfort in someone I could trust.”

“I don’t care that you went to JJ fo-”

“God Y/N! Yo-you didn’t even have the decency to tell me--YOUR boyfriend--that this happened.”

“Reid, that’s not fai-”

“Oh really? That’s not fair?” Spencer seethed, disdain bound to his words. “You know what’s not fair Y/N? I spent nights--NIGHTS--crying on JJ’s couch from the loss of a friend, only to find out that they’re alive,” he gestured to Emily sitting idly by the team, watching the scene between me and Spencer unfold. “What I especially loved was coming back to the same couch because of my own girlfriend’s deception.”

At this point, JJ attempted to step forward to intervene, but I waved her off. “I. Had. No. Choice,” I defended, practically speaking through clenched teeth.

“You know what?” Spencer scoffed, shaking his head. “Gosh, JJ has put in more effort into being my girlfriend than you ever did.”

I was suspended in place as the words rang out in my head. A shiver crept up my arms and sent harrowing shockwaves that pierced my chest. Simultaneously, a stinging sensation engulfed my esophagus in flames, stunting my ability to form sentences. “Spencer, you...you don’t m-mean that,” I swallowed my voice, mumbling a question rather than a firm statement.

I felt myself on the cliff again, but this time the rocks were slowly crumbling underneath my feet while burning tar glued my feet to the ground.

“You practically pushed me into her arms. When you were out there lying to ALL of us, she was the only one that stayed with me.”

“Spence…” JJ called out from behind me, attempting to diffuse the situation. Although, Spencer was far deluded by his discourse that nothing obstructed him.

“No, it’s okay,” Spencer assured, inching closer to me. With a repugnant sneer on his lips, his eyes squinted into a loathing glare, and his countenance aflame, he gave me what I couldn’t give to him: his truth.

A truth that I didn’t want to unfurl.  

“You know I don’t even know why you’re constantly reminding me that I can’t accept my mistakes or problems...” he bickered, a deliberate sneer etched into his features, “...because it was pretty damn easy to accept that YOU are my biggest mistake.”

-

I thought the rocks would crumble from beneath me, and I’d fall. I thought choosing to stand on that cliff alone, to bear the weight for someone I loved, was noble, even if it meant ending up in the abyss below.

But I didn’t fall. I was pushed.

Pushed by the very person I stood on that cliff for.

-

part 2 

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[lengthofropes]

POVs series

Part 3: Jack

(Part 1: Cas is here)   (Part 2: Sam is here) - can be read as separate stories 

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words: 5,4k | smr: Jack’s POV as Cas returned from the Empty / Heaven rebuilt  | read on A03

rating: general | warnings: none 

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This is my little contribution for dadstiel week <3

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“Any thoughts?” I ask. 

Castiel looks around. The room is empty. Light within the white walls and ceiling is flashing every few seconds. Heaven looks like abandoned office building after significant staff cuts. 

“It’s so quiet here” he says. He looks despondent. “This place was so full of power and light. My brothers and sisters… If I knew it all will end this way…” 

I come closer and touch him by the arm. This must be hard for him, I understand, but this is why we are here - to fix. This is why I asked for his help, who else can be a better adviser?

“This is not the end, don’t say it. We are here to make a new start”

He looks at me, and slowly his face eases from pain and regret. I know, he believes in me. Like always.

“Will you help me? I can’t make it without you”

He smiles, finally. It’s a warm smile, full of gratitude and love. 

I made a right decision, now I’m sure, he is glad to help. But after all, he’s the one who taught me, that it makes you feel so much better, if you’ve got the opportunity to make things right.

“Sure, Jack” he nods. Then adds, quietly “Thank you…”

I smile back at him, I can’t hold it. This is going to be great! Energy fills me. We always have so much fun, working together, it feels encouraging to have him near.  No matching ties this time, but it’s okay. 

It’s good that time flows differently here. We got so much work to do… and when I will bring him back on Earth, it’s gonna be just a couple of days, I guess? At least I hope I won’t take us longer, I’m not sure I can handle another conversation with grumpy Dean. It’s hard to keep a straight face, when he’s like this. Yeah, I understand he’s worried and he doesn’t want to let Castiel out of his sight, but he’s gonna be with me. With ME, Dean! I need my father’s help with something, can I spend some time with him, too?  

I’ve waited enough time for Castiel to feel better again. Until he’s strong enough after coming back from the Empty. All is well now. 

All is good.

“Alright!” I clap my hands. “Where do we start?”

***

We walk empty corridors, discussing our strategy. 

“Angels were supposed to be guardians, shepherds.” Castiel says. He’s calm and thoughtful. “We were born to protect our father’s creations. We are soldiers on guard of peace and prosperity. Not the blunt instruments of war.” 

“I guess you are the only one who understands it right” I nod. 

He is. He was bullied so often for having too much heart, it’s ridiculous. By the creatures, spoiled with pride, lust for power and profit. Where are they now? 

“You’re too kind” he smiles humbly.

“I am the way I am, thanks to you. Thanks to our family.” It’s a simple truth, and we both know it. His smile grows, and he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

The light is flickering again, but much more intense this time, walls are shaking.

“It’s getting worse…” There’s concern in Castiel’s voice. “I am amazed this place is still holding on.”

“Yeah. Not enough angelic power. I remember Dumah tried to make me create angels beings by forging human souls, to return Heaven it’s might.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes, definitely not the best one of his memories. But hey, not my fault, anyway. Besides…

“They all are dead now. It was a bad idea.”

“Any manipulation with human soul is a bad idea. What was she thinking?” He seems to be still angry about that. And I fully support him, but the question stands. 

“I don’t think we can rebuild it in any other way. Heaven needs angels, they are the essential source of it’s power.”

Shaking has stopped, the light is dim, but at least it doesn’t flicker anymore.

“I know”, Castiel agrees with heavy exhale. “How many are left there? Nine? Ten?”

“Eight” I purse my lips. “Seven up here, including Naomi, who’s still in jail”

“Still?” 

“Yeah. Seems like no one likes her…”

“I can’t blame them” Castiel deadpans, and it makes me laugh.

“And Anael, she’s still on Earth” 

“Oh, the famous businesswoman”

“Yeah.”

He gives me the look.

“Should we… talk to her?” I don’t want to, but I have to ask anyway.

“We should” he says unenthusiastically. “But…”

“Not now?” 

“Not now” he agrees, squinting his eyes.

“Later” 

“In the last place”

“When she will rethink her life choices”

“Absolutely” he nods again, dead serious.

I crack first and he follows immediately, it’s good to hear his laugh.

We keep snickering, passing the heaven rooms. Number 257, number 259… This corridor seems endless.

“You know,” I start. “When I first got here, I thought it looks more like a prison. Or! Like an aquarium for a goldfish!”

“Small tank for a single soul?” Castiel raises his eyebrow.

“Yeah! And people here are like a fish. You know, goldfish has a 3 seconds memory? It forgets everything, before it starts another round in it’s tank”

“Like people here, captured in never-ending loops of their best memories…” he continues my thought, musingly tilting his head. “Yes, exactly.”

“And they are happy. Mom looked happy, I think…”

“You’re not sure?” 

“Would you be happy on your own forever? Even in your best memory?”

“They don’t feel like they are on their own, they exist within a moment of eternal peace.” He shakes his head. “But I got your point. They don’t have a freedom of choice, they don’t know it’s a loop. Goldfish souls…”

I stop. He looks at me, and I see the question rises in his eyes, along with the hope for the answer.

“Can we…”

“..give them the choice?”

We look at each other, knocked out with the idea itself.

“Jack… this… this is wonderful!”

“You think? This will make them happy? I mean, happy for real?”

“You know what…” his face is focused, he tries to remember something. “Actually, we can ask. Dean once told me about one friend of theirs. I don’t know him in person, he died before I met Winchesters. But he’s here, he broke the loop, and figured the way to travel between individual heavens.”

“Oh, I know! Ash!”

“Right... “He seems a little confused. “I have to get used to it. You know everything now. Of course, you know everything...”

***

Sure, we didn't break in right inside, we knocked on the door politely. Jo (I know, it’s her, she’s very nice!) opens the door.

“Cas??” She’s amazed, but her smile is so genuine, I like it.

“Hi, Jo” Castiel is surprised too, but he takes her attack hug very well.

“Mom!” She yells. “Mom, look who’s here!!!”

“Joanna Beth, quit yelling, for God’s sake!”

We enter the bar and see Jo’s mother. I never thought someone’s heaven can be an old bar, all smelled with beer and peanuts, but here we are. And I like the smell, actually. It fits very well.

“Castiel? Well, I’ll be damned!” She puts down the glass and walks out from behind the bar counter. “Come here, you feather ass!”

She squeezes him tight, but he’s okay with it, he looks very happy.

“Who’s the kid?” She nods in my direction.

“Hi, I’m Jack!” I smile and raise my bunch of fives in greeting.

“Yes, this is.. this is Jack. He is..”

“I’m new God”

“You’re… who?”

“…he’s WHAT?” 

“It’s a long story.” Castiel purses his lips, as he alternately looks at Joe, then at Ellen. Their eyes are wide, but it makes them no less brave. 

“Then sit and talk, we have all the time in the world here. And are we yearned for the news, you know.” Ellen beckons us to the counter with a nod.

“Sure” Castiel agrees. “But where’s Ash? We thought we’re gonna see him here, isn’t it his heaven?”

“It is” Jo sits on the stool. “Our looked exactly the same. And when he found us, we kinda decided to move. He got all his stuff here, and it’s easier to travel from this starting point.”

“So you travel between heavens too?” Cas asks.

“Yeah, but not so much as he does. It’s better to have such opportunity, then to be locked, anyway. I mean, we don’t complain, but…”

“We were shocked when we saw him first. But then he explained. A lot of things, actually, about how everything works here.” Ellen continues, putting four glasses of beer in front of us. She looks at me suspiciously. “How old are you, exactly?”

“Oh, I’m three” 

Her eyebrows are high again, but Castiel just shakes his head. 

“He can drink, Ellen. That’s okay”

“Oh yeah? And who are you, his dad?”

“He is!” I confirm. “Well, actually, my father is Lucifer, but Castiel raised me. Castiel, Dean and Sam”

Jo chokes on her beer and Castiel pats her back gently.

“I guess I have to explain a lot of things, too” he apologises.

“Please, give us a favour… And I think we’re gonna need something stronger here…” Ellen takes a bottle of tequila from the shelf. “Don’t worry, no hangover here”

Door slams loudly.

“Whooo! Look who’s back, ladies! I gotta say, Cliff Burton is a really nice dude in person. He…” A man in colorful mask and a gold cape runs inside the bar. 

“Oh..” He freezes, looking at us. “A company?”

“Ash, this is Castiel and Jack. Guys…” Ellen smiles to us. “This is Ash”

***

I wander around the bar, eating salted peanuts. Really tasty, I like it. So many cool pictures on the walls, the pool table, music box. I think this place is awesome! Castiel continues his story, he’s somewhere near to the mark of Cain. Guys sit around and listen with genuine interest, I’ve lost count how many glasses they’ve had already. They cried a lot, they laughed, too. Of course. This is the most amazing story ever!

“So, we’re here with Jack to make Heaven a better place” Castiel finishes.  “And we wanted to ask you about the travels between individual spots. Are you the only one who’s capable of that?” He looks at Ash.

“Well, I guess I am” He sounds so proud of himself, trying to hold back the burp. “I’ve never seen anyone else doing it, only me and my friends” 

“And you can travel anywhere?”

“Mostly” he scratches behind his ear. “Some places cannot be located with my scanner. It’s not powerful enough, I assume”

“We can’t find dad” Jo interrupts. She looks sad. “We don’t know why. We even thought, that maybe… maybe he’s not here”

“Bill Harvelle is in Heaven, as far as I know” Castiel sounds concerned, looking at me.

“He is” I nod in confirmation.

“Well,” Ellen smiles bitterly. “Good to know”

We are silent. Suddenly Heaven is not a happy place at all.

“You know what’s weird?” She says. “We didn’t even think of him. I mean… We remembered him, sure. But we… Dammit, it’s so hard to explain! We were like in a bubble, before Ash came. A happy bubble, no regrets, no worries…”

“No thoughts. Just bliss. Perfect loop” Castiel follows.

“Totally” Jo agrees. “You know, all your life you believe, you’re gonna meet your loved ones here, someone you miss the most. And then it turns out you’re just being canned in a piece of your happy memory. And no one complains, because no one… acknowledges.”

“The more I listen, the more I am convinced that this place was created without the slightest consideration of the real needs of the human soul” Castiel sounds bitter, utterly disappointed.

“Because no one cared to listen” I’m sad too. 

I know what my happiest memories are, they all are full with the people I love. Jo is right. Leaving people blindfolded is not an option, they deserve so much better.

“Well,” Castiel stands up from the stool.” Now we know, what our priorities are.”

“Looks like a lotta work, you guys need some assistance?” Ash drums his finders on his glass. 

“Thanks Ash. We’re not sure yet, but if we will, we know where to find you.”

“You’re cool, and I like your hair very much!” I add. 

Compliment makes Ash fidget in his chair, but he is pleased.

“Thanks! You both look cool too” he raises his eyebrows approvingly.

“Yeah, by the way” Jo bumps Castiel’s shoulder with her fist. “So unusual without your trench coat, much better now. Love the T-shirt!”

“Uh, yeah… thanks,” Castiel awkwardly fiddles with the zipper on his hoodie, I think his cheeks blush?

“Wait…is this… Dean’s?” Jo squints her eyes examining familiar print.

“Yeah, I umm… haven’t got a chance to buy a new clothes yet.” No doubt. He’s blushing. “So Dean just… um.. borrowed me some of his old.” He deliberately takes a gulp from his glass to cover his sudden shyness. I don’t understand why to be shy about this, but it’s none of my business. Harvelles quit their interrogation too.

“Now, where to next?” Castiel ask, as we walk out of the bar. He tries to fix his hair after particularly heartful goodbye hugs they gave him. 

“Luchbreak?”

***

We sit on a roof of Chrysler building. It’s a room 566297335, this guy’s best memory is finally getting a promotion and moving to the bigger office with a spectacular view. All people are so different…

“So,” my mouth is a little too full with burger, but I’m too excited to chew slower. “Travels between the personal rooms?”

Castiel sips his coffee thoughtfully, his gaze is fixed on the horizon. 

“Yes,” he nods carefully. “This concept is inspiring.” 

He’s quiet for the moment. Fake New York is silent around us, no buzzing cars, no human voices, no wind. Still, it’s a beautiful decoration, never-ending spring sunset, coloring the streets with warm and soft orange palette.

“Among the many things I’ve seen for the past years being on Earth, purity of human soul enraptures me the most. It’s vulnerability and integrity. People are so fragile, so defenceless. Life is ruled by their emotions and feelings, and they live it in the eternal search for a soul that will make their own feel accepted as it is. And this... This is the most beautiful thing.” He looks at me, endless warmth and placidity in his eyes.

“You think, we really understand it? Human soul? You and I?”

He smiles.

“I don’t think it’s something that can be understood completely. I doubt that a person is able to understand their soul, not to mention the soul of another human being. But we can listen attentively.” He looks at me. “The least we can do, is be kind and do not confine anyone's freedom. We had a good teachers.”

“Yes… No more cells” I nod affirmatively.

“No more cells” Castiel agrees.

***

We’re in the white room, a map of old Heaven lays on the table and we keep studying it. Castiel rubs his eyes constantly.

“You know what, it’s too old school on paper, let me make a 3d hologram…” I click my fingers and it’s done. ”Better?”   

Castiel blinks few times and comes closer to observe.

“Yes, way better! Thank you, Jack” he puts his hand on my shoulder, smiling at the new workspace.

“It’s still so… flat” He adds. 

Indeed, Heaven looks like endless paper sheet, ripped out of squared notebook. 

“Yeah…” I’m not impressed too. “I’ve always thought Heaven is much cooler place.”

“We should work on a structure” Castiel mumbles. “Now it’s just enormous amount of cells, each decorated in it’s own style. And if we want them to be connectable…”

“Maybe we should remove the walls entirely? Like, make one big space?”

Castiel blinks.

“We- can we do it?”

“Sure! We can make it look like anything we want. Like a Disneyland. Or a Death Star!

“I don’t think Death Star is acceptable reference here” Castiel tries to hold back his smile.

“Coruscant?” I may be overly enthusiastic over this idea, but why not?

“No.” He’s very gentle, but I got his point.

“Endor?” This is my last try, I promise.

“I was thinking maybe… Earth?” 

“Oh!”

“Basically, we already have different parts here, from all the ages and territories. So, maybe we…”

“Yes! Combine them together!” This is so simple, I love it!

Cas is hesitant again, there’s a doubt on his face, forehead frowned.

“But won’t this cause a turmoil? The Earth has looked very different throughout it’s history. And each soul remembers it in it’s own way.”

“So? Time and space aren’t a thing here. We can create a collective image, a collective space. We won’t even have to make a large effort, people’s memories are our best designer. Our Heaven can consist of any number of layers. It already is! Remember Ash? He travels through Heavens from different countries and different eras. Nothing is impossible here”

“This.. this sounds so simple?” I can see, he slowly accepts the idea.

“Well, the concept is simple. But we definitely got a work to do.”

He smiles. Wide and inspired. 

“It’s wonderful, Jack!”

“Yes. But the main question is, how many angels do we need to make it work?”

Castiel’s smile fade. 

“Yes… Angels,” he exhales heavily.

“Cas..?” 

He walks around the table and sits in the chair. He rubs his forehead, looking down on the floor, I cannot see his eyes.

“Castiel?” I come closer. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just… I understand, you can create angels now. From a scratch, like Chuck… God… used to. This is what you’re going to do?”

“Yes.” I nod. “In fact, they are going to be my first children”

I’ve thought about it. Not that I’m terrified with the responsibility, not that I have doubts. This is just… something absolutely new. Not even like bringing the entire population of Earth back. The creation. Pure. 

“And I’m going to give the living ones their wings back” I smile. I hope this will bring back my father’s good mood.

He smiles, but I know he still blames himself for the angel’s fall. 

“This is great, Jack, this is wonderful!”

“But, you’re sad?”

He’s quiet again. I guess I know what he’s thinking about now. But I wait… he’s gonna tell me himself.

“I just think… I keep thinking, if they would have been happy? To see Heaven, all new, peaceful and powerful. All my brothers and sisters, who…” He stutters, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. The names, so many names.

“Samadriel.” He continues. “Hanna, Kelvin, Ezekiel, Muriel, Inias, Nithael, Rebecca, Joshua, Sofia, Ambriel, Zuriel… even Anna. And all those fools, who followed Metatron… or Bartholomew. Poor ones, who got their brains washed by Raphael.” His voice is very quiet. “And… Balthazar”

“I think it would” I can feel his pain, it curls around him, pulls him into the abyss of regret. “I- I hope so… All I know is that they are sleeping now, they are at peace, Castiel. No more screams in the Empty”

“Yes. Yes, I know. I remember” He rubs his face, like he wants to clean the sadness off it.

“I’m sorry, Jack.” He tries to smile. “I shouldn’t be so…”

I put my hand on his shoulder, calmingly, softly.

“It’s okay, I understand.”

***

“Ready?” Castiel looks at me fondly, and I crack my fingers with much enthusiasm.

“Yes! Absolutely”

“Just make sure they are not… dicks” he gives me the look and I nod approvingly.

“Will do!”

My hands are warm, I can feel the power flows inside me. Concentrates in my fingers, making them tremble. It starts with soft glowing, eventually increasing into a stream of light, that gathers into a luminous ball between my palms. It turns and grows, and it shines so bright. The light within the walls and ceiling of the white room is flickering too, encouranging me to continue.

“Hello!” I smile and raise my hand in greeting. “Welcome to Heaven. You are my first angel”

Angel looks at me, confused and bewildered.

“I like him.” I smile at Castiel. “I’m gonna name him Luke!”

He just laughs, he doesn’t argue.

We got so much work to do today.

***

“HWW!” His face is pure smugness. He turns the screen of his homemade laptop for us to take a look, but honestly, we don’t seem to follow.

“Hw-w?” Cas tilts his head. “Is that a reference? I- I’m afraid, I don’t get it, Ash”

“Yes! HWW!” Ash repeats, but his smile slowly fades, as he understands that we really have no idea what he’s talking about. “Guys, come on! Really?”

He said this project is something extremely important and cool, and it will be the fundamental part of New Heaven. But we don’t get it.

“World Wide Web! But it’s Heaven, so its’ gonna be the Heaven Wide Web!” He raises his hands above his head and shakes them victoriously. “Ta-daa!”

“The… Internet?!” 

“Yes!” He slams his hands on the desk and starts typing something on keyboard. “Okay, I was thinking... Every soul is unique, right? It has it’s own structure, vibe.. whatever. And it’s own individual number here, right?”

We nod.

“What if we use it like the IP-address? And each soul will get it’s personal access point to the general communication centre? Just imagine, you can connect with any person you want.”

“Like texting!”

“With emoticons?” Cas smiles. 

“Exactly. Heavenly social media.”

“With profile page and cat memes?” I like this idea more and more.

“Anything we want!” 

“But wait… how do we explain it to souls from the past eras?”

“Easy.” Ash winks at Cas. “People have invented millions of ways to communicate with each other since the beginning of time. We can stick with anything usual for each period. Like, Shakespeare won’t need to use a phone, pigeons will fly to him through the window, bringing the message. “Hey, William, I’m your biggest fan from 1978. Can I come for a cuppa tea to discuss The Merchant of Venice?” And some hairy dude, who lives in a cave, will see new petroglyphs appear on the walls. You get me?”

“Ash…” 

“Yeah, I kinda came up with this long ago… You break into someone’s Heaven, and sometimes they’re not very happy to see you, they don’t know, what the hell is going on. I remember Jimi chased me around the room trying to hit me with his guitar, thought I was a particularly vivid hallucination…” he adds dreamily. “So yeah, it’s way better to be able to send a message first, you know? To be connected, in general. And if you guys gonna break all the loops…”

“Ash. You’re genius! You really can do this?”

He shakes his head, adjusting his luxurious hairstyle.

"Already wrote an algorithm”

***

“They are truly so full of light” He’s just finished his conversation with the last one of the newly created angels, and he looks contented, considering the peaceful smile on his face. “Jack, they are wonderful”

“Of course. I intended them to be like you.”

“Like…” his eyes widen in astonishment. “Like me?”

“Yes.” I say simply. “You’re the best example I know.”

I feel his emotions. They overfill him, shine with the sparkle in his eyes, brighten every wrinkle on his face, warm the air through his skin. 

The light. The love. 

“Guardians, shepherds.” I continue. “Born to protect the peace and prosperity. Not the blunt instruments of war.” 

“Jack…”

“All with a little too much heart. But no one will ever call it a crack in their chassis”

***

It doesn't look like a decoration anymore. Now I know what makes Heaven a Heaven. 

People’s emotions. Feelings of joy, security, serenity. Warmth of loving hearts. And freedom, of course.

We are standing on the top of the mountain, mesmerising view of all the work done lies in front of our eyes. Castiel takes the last piece of broken wall, lying in front of his feet, it fades and shrinks in his palm, until vanishes completely.

“That’s it” He smiles. “You did it, Jack”

“No,” I shake my head. “WE did it. I couldn’t have done this without your help and support. Without your faith in me. Thank you”

I mean it. Everything I did, everything I’ve become. Impossible without him.

“Thank you, father”

We hold each other, like we used to. I’m sure, this is not our last hug, but it feels like the most important one. I put all my love and gratitude, all my devotion into this embrace. I want him to feel, to know, how much he means to me, that nothing has changed in my feelings for him. He is my father. And forever will be.

Angels, new and old, stand behind us, their wings shine in the light, casting glare on grass and trees. Сalmness and confidence on their faces, they are beautiful in their might and purity. I did a good job, I must admit.

“And now” I say, pulling back to look into Castiel’s eyes “We deserved a little celebration, don’t you think?” 

“Agree” he smiles.

I click my fingers.

It’s the familiar bar. We appear, and the air explodes with loud cheering noises. 

“What…” Castiel starts, but gasps with amazement.

It’s a good company, it’s the part of our found family. I don’t know all of them in person, but I’m familiar with their stories, all so important and irreplaceable. 

Red haired woman is the first one to attack Castiel with a hug.

“Charlie!”

“Hey, big guy!” She laughs, bumping his shoulder. “Looking good, bitch!”

“Yeah… I-“

He has no chance to finish, Kevin attacks him next.

“Kevin…”

“Okay, okay! Back in the line, kid. Have some respect for the elders!” Bobby pushes him aside laughingly, and he and Mary step closer for a hug. 

Castiel is bewildered, I think he might cry, but he holds himself together good so far.

Pamela, Mick and Jimmy finish the circle of greetings. Jimmy looks a bit awkward, like he’s not sure, if he has the right to be here. This is weird. Sure he has!

“Cas looks a little strange without his trench coat, don’t you think?” I hear from behind. I smile to the familiar voice. 

“Hi, mom…”

Her hands are delicate and warm on my cheeks, she’s beaming with love.

“Hey, baby”

***

Everyone’s busy with yelling their drink orders to Jo and Ellen, Ash turns on the music box, as if bar isn’t full with cheerful chatter and laugh already. Cas and Kelly are the first ones to get their drinks, and now they stand aside, chatting cordially with each other. My mom and my dad. I don’t interrupt, they surely have a lot to talk about. And I… 

I need to talk with a mother, too. But not with mine. There she stands, my dearest friend and my biggest regret, my horrible mistake and undeniable fault. And she smiles to me.

“Hello, Jack”

I can’t speak, her voice made me numb. I just look, I keep looking into her blue eyes, trying to find an accusation in them, sorrow, at least, but I don’t see anything alike. She is smiling her softest smile.

“What, you’re not even gonna give me a hug?”

“Mary, I…” 

“Oh, come here!” She pulls me closer and wraps her arms around me. Suddenly, words burst out from the inside, an endless stream of remorse and guilt.

“Mary, I’m so sorry! I am so sorry, I didn’t want it to happen… It was so terrible, and I… I didn’t mean to, but it was my fault. I…”

“Jack…” she tries to interrupt me.

“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry! Can you ever forgive me?” 

“Jack!” She holds me so tight. “Jack, it’s okay…”

“You deserved so much better, I’m so sorry…”

“I know.” She pulls back, looking into my eyes. “I know it was an accident. Please, stop blaming yourself…”

“But it was my fault!”

“Jack!” She cups my face with her palms, her voice is calm and soft. “I don’t blame you. So please, stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t even you, real you.”

The tight knot in my chest looses a little. I know her sons have forgiven me, but to hear it from her… it changes everything. I feel like I’m finally free.

“We all have our path, mine has led me here. And I regret nothing, Jack. I’m at peace, I am happy here.”

“But your sons…”

“I can wait” She smiles. “Now I know, we’re all gonna end up here. And now Heaven is just… perfect! Thank you for this.” 

Castiel is standing next to her, I didn't even notice how he came up closer to us. Mary puts her hands on our shoulders, squeezing them firmly.

“Thank you both! And if you want to do something nice for me,” she raises her eyebrows, looking me straight in the eyes “…make sure Sam and Dean die of old age lying in their warm beds, okay?!”

Maybe my eyes are sparkling with tears, but I nod, smiling broad and confident.

“Of course!”

“Not so difficult, considering that there’s an angel looking over them” she winks at Castiel, making him smile softly.

“Oh, about that…” I interrupt.

“What?”

“I think… someone is tired of spending his time, being a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent”

“Jack…” Castiel is looking at me with a slight confusion on his face. “What are you…”

“You still haven’t asked for your wings back.” I say quietly.

He hesitates, I can see the uncertainty and worrying in his eyes.

“I.. I just thought…”

“Because you don’t feel like you need them anymore.”

He looks down.

“Castiel?” Mary’s voice is gentle and mild, she leans to him, trying to catch his eyes. I guess… she understands. “Remember… remember that one night? I just got back from the dead, and I was so lost. We bumped into each other, in the bunker?”

He rises his head, looking at her attentively.

“Yes”

“I asked you, about the Earth, when did it start to feel like...like you fit, like you...belonged there? Remember? And you said…”

“I'm still not sure I do.” Yes..”

She smiles. 

“And now, after everything…? I know what you did, Castiel. For us, for our family, for humanity in general… and for him. Do you know now?… Do you belong?”

He looks at her with gratitude. His face lights up, as if the last piece of the puzzle has been found and snapped into place, making him complete. 

“Yes. I do”

“Well,” she laughs warmly. “Growing old must be fun. I don’t know, I never did!” She kisses his cheek. “Tell them, tell my boys, I’m happy here, tell them, I don’t regret a thing, okay?” They hug, and he nods into her shoulder. “And tell him…” she whispers cheerfully into his ear. “…tell him, he’s lucky as hell!”

Castiel can’t hold back the smile, and his cheeks flush with joy.

“Okay. Promise!”

Mary squeezes him in her arms once more and pats his shoulder, before walk off with a widest smile on her face.

“Jack. I…” he starts.

“I know.” He doesn’t needs to explain anything.

“Your grace is still in the process of being restored, but if you want, it can just ... vanish over time” I shrug and I smile. “Growing old with someone is what people do, right? Humans.”

He rubs his eyebrow with a soft and quiet laugh.

“Yes, they do…”

“And you both gonna eventually end up here, you and him.”

“Not the worst option, I guess” He smiles.

He looks at all the people in this small wooden bar, their faces are full of joy, their laugh is light-hearted. Company broke into unexpected duos, like Kevin and Ash, discussing some technical stuff over Ash’s scanner, or Pamela and Mick sharing their theories on the matter of astral projections. This will be the the most popular spot in Heaven, probably. But now…

“Tell me when you’re ready to go back.”

“Yes. Only need to collect all the messages from everyone, to pass them to Sam and Dean personally. Probably, not only to Sam and Dean…” he waves at Jimmy. 

“Of course! We have all the time in the world here”

“Yes,” he nods. “We’re not in a rush”

We’re not in a rush, father. Take your time, you deserve to spend it with people, who care about you. 

Both on Earth and in Heaven.

You are loved.

***

tag list:

@donestiel  @sinnabonka - @you-cant-spell-subtext-without - @casthyelle - @saltyghostsworld - @bebecas - @sammy-501 - @dtadeancas - @highvoltagejackles - @subtledean - @kaz2y5baby - @angelic-bee-enthusiast -  @bimiserables @gabrielle-main @acklesology  @highkey-dysphoric @lila-tom @teddybluesclues  @moonlightdeancas @transfoundfamily @bichaoticdean @transdean

#dadstielweek #spncreatorsdaily #castiel #jack kline #spn fanfic #destiel fic #spn fic #destiel fanfiction #fieryfrankie #seraphcastiel #becauseofthebowties #casjpg #userdainty #holmesemrys #plantdadcas #smiledean #scottstiles #usercaptainflint #bluefirecas #acklesy #kashmircastiel #fic tag #anz writes stuff and things

[donkey-hyuck]

word count- 2,710

genre- the nightmare before christmas! au (if that makes sense) || fluff || suggestive || mayb angst

characters/pairing- jack skellington! jaehyun x sally! reader || nct

warnings- suggestive scenes || does not really follow the storyline of tnbc tbh || lowercase intended || dialogue heavy!! || lmao i used festival so much || obvs if you’re v religious and don’t celebrate halloween, don’t read it pls and ty although this is purely fictional

a/n- lmao just watched the nightmare before christmas on disney+ and it gave me some inspo ;) also i love tim burton films :)) the divider is by @/firefly-graphics i’m just a pussy lmao

jaehyun was the official representative of halloween. well, halloween in your town, specifically. although he is known throughout the globe, he celebrates the special occasion in his hometown. but during the past few years, jung jaehyun had gotten bored. bored with the ongoing festivities and the same traditions. yet he didn’t want to disappoint his people, whether he knew them or not, the citizens of all ages looked up to the halloween king.

“hurry, hurry! jung jaehyun is on his way! i repeat, the halloween king is on his way!” shouted the mayor, while all the villagers were frantic to make everything perfect for this year's halloween festival.

“hurry, hurry! jung jaehyun is on his way! i repeat, the halloween king is on his way!” shouted the mayor, while all the villagers were frantic to make everything perfect for this year's halloween festival.

and as soon as the gates opened, everyone was rushing and screaming, finally being able to see jung jaehyun himself. the crowd cheered as he waved and greeted the people he oh so loved. but he was getting tired of the same old thing. for every halloween since he’d been born, the man was always left alone. the fellow women and men fawned over him, he was drop dead gorgeous, no doubt. but he wanted something more, something passionate, someone who he could love and trust, not just a one night fling.

so while everyone was cheering, you had been sitting on the farest point of the street. your creator, lee donghyuck, had no intention of seeing the man himself. although donghyuck loved jung jaehyun, he wanted to be back home, well rested and well fed. only you wanted to see jaehyun up close.

whenever jung jaehyun was invited to the lab, or came to stop by, donghyuck would always keep you locked up, and so you were never able to meet him.

“but i want to go see…. mark. he’s up with the crowd,” you begged your creator. he only held your arm back and refused to let you walk up the street without his consent. and after fighting back, you unstitched your arm to let go of the pressure and quickly ran to the closest thing you could hide behind, in hopes of getting away from donghyuck, and in chances of seeing jung jaehyun.

you had a slight feverish crush on the man, but who didn’t? even so, almost the entirety of your town loved jaehyun in one way or another. so you were pretty much hopeless. a hopeless romantic, as some would say.

hearing the shouting of donghyuck approach you, straight away, you headed toward the cemetery. a safe place, somewhere you were able to hide, to get away from your life as a creation.

while running to the farthest point of the cemetery, jaehyun had been cornered by the women of all ages.

“jaehyun, i can give you what you want. what you need,” said a young woman.

“oh don’t mind her. i can set you up with my granddaughter, a very beautiful and successful entrepreneur,” bribed an older woman.

“forget them! jung jaehyun, i will devote my entire life to you. for us to be together forever,” begged another.

he looked astonishing that night he came back. with his hair nicely styled, and his all black outfit bringing out his physique and tattooed self. no wonder why all the women were all up in him. but he was a family man, and the children had also been disturbing him as well.

“jaehyun! look what i did for the festival tomorrow.”

“look at what i can do! i’ll be as strong as the halloween king one day.”

“look at my sister jaehyun! isn’t she pretty?”

he loved the attention, but sometimes he wished they would leave him be. he had a life. a really hectic and busy life.

“we’re doing the first bunch of raffles today! get ready to collect them!” announced the mayor over his speaker, making everyone turn their heads and jaehyun to run the opposite direction, towards the cemetery.

you and he shared the same safe place. it was quiet and there was barely anyone around, so it was a good place to take a breather and relax.

planning to eventually go back to the lab, you picked some gardenias to put in donghyuck’s soup for later. hearing the district voice calling for his dog, you hid behind a tombstone and listened to the halloween king.

“zero! come here,” he patted his upper thigh. the spirit of his dog then arose from the ground and barked as jaehyun smiled and picked up a branch from the ground. he then started to say aloud, “oh, zero… i love this community very much. everyone is so welcoming and friendly, especially during the halloween season. but i just feel so suffocated. it’s the same event every year for the past four years. i want something new. i need someone new.”

you felt connected to him, in a way. the two of you were broken souls, ready to find anew; yet it never came. and it felt like it would never come. you were attentive of his wants because you were on the same boat, sort of.

as much as you loved lee donghyuck, he was very strict and it was too throttling in the lab which made you venture to the cemetery and gather gardenias to help him doze off faster.

peering through the corner of the large tombstone, you saw him standing on the edge of the cliff, playing with zero and talking to himself. while he was paying no attention whatsoever, you quietly exited the cemetery and walked the way to donghyuck’s lab.

you sauntered through the front door and walked directly to the kitchen to crush the gardenias before he was to ask for his soup.

“oh y/n!” he said in a singsongy voice, he entered the kitchen to see you stirring up a boiling pot of frogs breath soup, his favorite, with a gardenia touch.

“i’m almost done, master haechan. it’ll be up in a minute!” you spoke over your shoulder before mixing in the dash of gardenia powder into his bowl. he willingly smiled and walked back up into his research laboratory.

after the finishing touches and a sprinkle more of the gardenia powder, you brought the soup up to his room and let him gobble down the soup with a blink of an eye before going to your room— or what you called prison— to pack a basket of goodies to give to jaehyun, anonymously. but first, you sewed your arm back on.

in the basket, contained a bottle of red wine, a block of cheese, and some baked bread from the bakery down the road. as well as a not that read, ‘i know how you feel, and i’m on the same boat as you. i wish there was a way for us to escape.’

popping your head through the research lab door, you confirmed that donghyuck was knocked out cold, and should be for the next two hours.

silently, you sneakily passed through the townspeople and made it to jaehyun one hell of a house. it was on the other side of town, so by the time you reached his home, it was already evening. lee donghyuck must’ve woken up, for sure.

after you entered the gate, regret instantly filled your body. but you traveled all this way, so there was no point in stopping now. carefully, you placed the wooden basket on the doorstep and rang the door, hiding behind the wall.

jaehyun opened the door, ready to greet whoever was visiting him at that time, only to be met with no one but the basket filled with delicacies and a note. picking up the basket, he read the note, and a small smile appeared on his face before walking back into his house and closing the door.

you had been holding your breath the moment you hid behind the wall. and when the coast was clear, you breathed out the breath you had been holding, only for you to suck it back in when zero was sitting by your feet, looking up at you with his face turned. then, he barked.

“no, no, no! shhh. i don’t want him to know i’m here. please be quiet,” you pleaded while whispering. yet to no avail, as the door is opened once more because he heard his beloved dog.

“zero! zero where are you? i heard you barking, let’s go inside!” he walked around his property and finally checked the place where you were previously hiding.

“there you are. let’s get you some rest.” but zero looked to where you hid next, behind a boulder statue.

“come on, let’s go,” he patted his leg, and this time zero obliged.

“whew,” you huffed out while slowly getting up from your hiding place to walk back to the lab.

but as you were cautiously walking out of his property, jung jaehyun saw you exit his gate through his peripheral vision, he then looked to the basket he placed on his desk. and in that moment, he had to know who you were.

the next day during the halloween festival, you’d been punished for putting gardenias in his soup as well as sneaking out. donghyuck locked you up in your room and the only thing you could do was look out the window to see the villagers enjoy their time.

jaehyun had woken up early that morning, to get ready to find his secret admirer he hoped was going to be at the festival. he dressed as nicely as he could, making sure to gel back his hair and wear a nice suit for the occasion. he then stuck the note you gave him inside the pocket of his blazer. and he knew what he was getting himself into. if he were to ask anyone who knew about the note, they would lie and say they did. but it was worth a shot.

he vividly remembered your pin straight hair, reaching down your back, as well as those tiny black heels that were about two inches high. but that was all he did remember and he was unfortunate enough to not be able to see your face.

so, jaehyun just observed.

when he reached the main part of the festival, crowds of townspeople filled the street, excited for the day to come. and when people started to notice the halloween king was there, they gathered around him and showed him everything there was possible. however, jaehyun knew it was just all the same activities and booths. everything that just tired him out. they needed something new, something fresh.

“jaehyun! you’re here early,” said the mayor, but the man was not paying attention, rather he was maneuvering his head around, trying to spot ‘the one.’ noticing this, taeyong bumped him on his shoulder, now worried.

“... is everything alright?” asked the mr. lee in an anxious voice. to which jaehyun just smiled reassuring the mayor.

“everything is perfectly fine, mr. lee! but to keep this between you and me…” he paused for a moment, looking around and taeyong leaned closer to jaehyun. “.... i’m sorta looking for someone. she gave me this note yesterday and as well as a bag of goodies.” but the mayor was surprised by his statement, and he screamed louder than he should’ve.

“woah, woah! the halloween king has a crush on someone? you have a secret admirer!” he tried to hush him but it was too late, the people had already heard.

questions started to arise and the people started to gather around jaehyun again. asking when, where, and more commonly, who. he refused to answer the uprising interrogations and ran the farthest he could.

he ended up hiding in the bushes of lee donghyuck’s lab. when he was sure there was no one who had been following that far, he stood up from the bush and dusted himself off. it seemed like he got ready for purely nothing.

the man paced back and forth, rereading the note you had given him and throwing small stones to the wall of the lab. hearing all the commotion, you gazed out the window to see jung jaehyun, reciting the note over and over again. you listened for a bit, until you remembered the throwing stones part.

“..... you know… master haechan will be upset if he finds you chucking rocks at his lab,” you spoke up as he chuckled at the sentence. he looked up to where the voice was to be already met with your chin resting on your crossed arms, looking down to him.

“calm down, it’s only stones. besides, the professor loves me,” he bragged. “what are you doing up there anyways? shouldn’t you be at the festival?” he asked with his brows furrowed.

“yeah, but i disobeyed the master yesterday. got stuck locked up.” you didn’t know you had the confidence to have a regular conversation with the man you’ve always admired. jaehyun only smiled and replied, “how about i save you then, princess?” your pulse was racing, and you didn’t know how to feel. after a few moments of silence, you looked back down.

“master haechan is at the festival. probably with the mayor or his great uncle taeil. if you ask, he’ll probably give you the master key.” jaehyun nodded and ran back to the scene of the festival to find the professor to bail you out.

when he came back, he immediately opened the front door and walked up the stairs to try and find you. but when he was gone to look for donghyuck, you’d been pacing around your room, anxious. why did you tell him? you thought to yourself over and over. but every one of your thoughts came to a stop when the jiggling of the key became clear. you were really doing this.

somehow, you were more afraid of getting caught that day than the previous. if donghyuck knew jaehyun came to get you out, you’d be in much bigger trouble.

he was finally able to hear the click and opened the door. a full smile plastered on his face, showcasing the dimples people fawned over. shyly, you smiled back and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear catching me do the debby ryan HAHAHA.

jaehyun held out his hand and instantaneously he knew, you were the one. without any further conversation, he dragged you to the place he loved; the cemetery.

while talking about no specific topic, he brought up the shenanigan you pulled yesterday, although he was grateful you did.

“so, were you the one that stopped by last night? and gave me the basket…” he ceased his walking, “who gave me this note?” he pulled the note from inside his blazer. if you thought your anxiety was bad when he was bailing you out, it did not compare to the amount of anxiety you were feeling in that moment.

“...uh… yes i did... did you not like it?,” you stuttered, getting jittery. he only cooed in adoration as he cupped your cheek. “don’t worry, my love. you’re the first one to ever give me a gift that thoughtful. even gave me my favorite red wine.” his response made you sigh out of relief as he just smiled softly and rubbed his thumb against your cheekbone. it was an intimate moment. but slowly, jaehyun found himself leaning closer and closer to you.

grazing his lips against yours he whispered, “thank you,” and pushed himself closer to your lips, catching the gasp that escaped your lips. you were left shocked, with your eyes wide opened and your figure stood there awkwardly, not kissing back. but the man grabbed you by your waist, gently, and his other hand rested on your jawline as you responded back.

it was a slow, yet needy kiss. desperate to have each other but savoring the moment. his tongue met your bottom lip as he turned his head to kiss you deeper, his nose now tickling your right cheek. he then stopped and removed his lips with a pop.

“i think i found my escape this halloween,” he was breathless.

“i think i did too.”

#nct #nct 127 #nct jaehyun #nct 127 jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #jaehyun au #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun angst #jaehyun x reader #jeong jaehyun

[kirstleona]

Reasons you shouldn’t fuck with my friends or family

——————————————————————————

i have multiple assault charges

i’m a former heroin/coke addict

i’m currently under house arrest

i’ve been in a fight with a police k-9 and won

i overdosed on heroin and saw cliff burton so i’ve met god

my brother has been shot in the face and is still kicking peoples asses

my 5’2 sister has broken a mans jaw with a park bench (you short girls surprise me sometimes)

my uncle has seventeen murder charges, pls ask questions i’d love to explain

i have two gemini brothers

i threw lit cans of gasoline on neo-nazis and klan members (watching them white sheets burn was the highlight of my life)

#theoretically i should be in jail but my brother-in-law is the sheriffs deputy #my stepdad would kill him if he locked me up #he’s a dick sheriff too like FUCK OFF MAN

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Simpson is a Richmond-based singer and rapper who you may also know as Babe Simpson, one-fourth of the Tumblr-born rap collective Barf Troop. They dazed the internet back in the early 2010s with their uncensored, forward-thinking rhymes and aesthetics, and even got the attention of Drake. Though the collective has gone silent in recent years, Simpson has since cultivated her own steady following around her soft, and ruminative tunes. Her latest is 'Cherry Ice Cream Sundae,' a song about "treating ourselves with as much tenderness as we treat everyone else," she says, and is backed by a lush landscape of jazzy guitars and drums — a sound that could be considered a close sibling to the rap lullabies of Noname. Simpson's now sharing the song's peculiar video, which features a charming but eerie cast of marionette puppets. Over email, Simpson explains that she wrote the song after experiencing "a feeling that I’ve always been trying to put into words but I don’t think I was mature enough to be able to sing. I reached my breaking point where I was like, f*ck it, whatever happens, happens, and I’m gonna look on the bright side everywhere I can. I’m going to 'smile because I can.' I actually changed the original opening lyrics from 'The world is in the shitter' to 'Life is kind to who’s kind to it back.' The world has always been in the shitter, but that hasn’t made it any less special or sweet. I think that’s made me much more of a realist. I recorded it tipsy, upside down, hanging off my bed as a freestyle, and it felt so natural saying and listening to it back made me feel so proud." [via NYLON]

Earlier this week, Lana Del Rey revealed the artwork and tracklist for her new album Chemtrails Over The Country Club. Back in October, Del Rey shared the album’s lead single 'Let Me Love You Like A Woman.' It was the first song she shared from the album after postponing its planned September release. Now, she’s sharing the album’s second single and title track. She’s also announced that Chemtrails Over The Country Club will be out March 19. In a lengthy interview with BBC Radio 1 — during which she talked about the Trump insurrection and her album cover controversy — she mentioned that Jack Antonoff produced much of the album, minus 'Yosemite,' which was produced with Rick Nowels. Watch a music video for the album’s title track, directed by BRTHR, above. In a different kind of statement, prior to the release of the 'Chemtrails Over The Country Club' music video, Del Rey explained why she is wearing a cast in it: "When you see my second video for this album, don’t think that the fact I’m wearing a cast is symbolic for anything other than thinking I was still a pro figure skater. I wiped out on my beautiful skates before the video even began after a long day of figure eights and jumps in the twilight of the dezert. Anyways my fracture isn’t that bad kind of goes with my new bucket hat. Thanks to my beautiful family for my gifts." [via Stereogum]

Joining forces for the new uplifting track, G Flip and mxmtoon are sharing new empowerment anthem ‘Queen’, produced by Rostam Batmanglij. "'Queen' was written about the strong women around me, the queens that raised me and the queens I’ve met through my years,” G Flip explains. “My idea of a queen is not necessarily linked to gender; queens come in all forms and walks of life. To me a queen embodies power and strength; they embrace all they are fiercely yet gracefully. The song was written one sunny day in LA, I was chillin on Rostam’s lovely white couch and he turned around to me and said ‘how about we write a song about Queens’ and I replied with ‘F@!K yeah!’. I’m also super stoked to have mxmtoon on the track with me, she is an absolute queen. I first was introduced to her when I was trying to find ukulele chords to a Khalid song and found her cover on YouTube years ago. She makes awesome music and her voice has such a cruisy timbre to it so I was thrilled to have her jump on 'Queen' with me. She is also an avid croc lover and part of the LGBTQIA+ community, so obviously it just made sense!” mxmtoon adds, “So happy to be a part of ‘Queen’ with G! she and Rostam were such a joy to work with and so so much fun to collaborate with on creative as well. I’m so glad that it’s still possible to make art and music with someone even when they’re on the other side of the world, and I’m lucky that I got the opportunity to feature on G’s song. ‘Queen’ is a power anthem for any person, and I’m so excited for people to love it as much as we do!” [via DIY]

With her hotly-anticipated new album Magic Mirror out now, Pearl Charles gave us our latest teaser of what to expect earlier this week, sharing new glitzy bop ‘Only For Tonight’. “‘Only for Tonight’ tells the story of a currently bygone era of wild nights out on the town - the highs and lows of one night stands and the crashes of the morning after,” she explains. “The music video, directed by Bobbi Rich, leans into those excesses, paying a sparkly homage to the late-night musical television shows of the 70’s, from Soul Train to The Midnight Special, as well as the gauzy, Vaseline’d lens of ABBA’s music videos. With an added sprinkling of VHS special effects, you’re likely to feel like you’re watching a home-taped recording of a lost episode of Top of the Pops.” [via DIY]

Alt-pop trailblazer dodie has shared her new single 'Hate Myself' in full. Everything the songwriter touches seems to turn into melodic gold, with her debut album Build A Problem landing this Spring. Out on March 5, it's led by new single 'Hate Myself', which made its bow as Annie Mac's Hottest Record In The World. It's an apt title, with this instantly-viral moment offering an "inner monologue" that touches on some of dodie's inner-most feelings. The song depicts "someone who seems to find themselves in relationships of any kind with people who deal with their feelings internally - unfortunately resulting in assuming the issue is with them." dodie co-directed the video alongside Sammy Paul, shooting at the Cornish seaside village Polperro. The pair "excitedly landed on the silly idea of the training leading up to becoming a post-lady, and thoroughly enjoyed planning the many bizarre exercises she would have to perfect. Our excellent Art Director, Louis Grant, worked on bringing her home and training station to life. Though jogging on cliff tops in the rain, carrying a large sack and slipping in the mud was certainly cold and exhausting, I think I preferred it to slowly feeling sicker, licking stamps on a swaying boat by the Excel." [via Clash]

Berlin-based indie five-piece People Club are back with new single and video 'Francine', following on from their last release 'Lay Down Your Weapons', which focused on police brutality.  The new single 'Francine' tackles the topics of addiction and lovelessness. In the words of the band: "The song speaks from the voice of a lamenting partner whose lover (Francine) is helplessly addicted to drugs. Francine lost interest in her relationship with the narrator a long time ago. It's a song about commitment and how love can fade away leaving only wickedness behind."  Regarding the visuals, the band said "The 'Francine' video is a play on the old idiom of 'being your own worst enemy'. A phrase which quite beautifully captures the inner critic which we know so well, especially during the course of the pandemic - we've had to learn to each give ourselves a break. The video was shot in the depth of the harsh Berlin winter, in the depth of the pandemic." Director Felix Spitta added "I love the band and I love the different personalities. It is always heaps of fun working on creative output together. Riding through Berlin only with bikes and all the film equipment in the freezing cold almost felt like a masochistic idea from Saxon. It's inspiring to be surrounded by so many creative minds.”

Pale Waves are back with 'Easy', the third single to be shared from their highly-anticipated second album Who Am I?. Lead vocalist Heather Baron-Gracie describes the new track as "a song about how love can change your whole entire perspective on life itself. It’s saying ‘being in love with you is so easy, you finally make sense in my life because nothing did before'." The new single is accompanied by a James Slater-directed video that shows Baron-Gracie performing at a Tim Burton/medieval-style wedding in an abandoned church. Baron-Gracie adds, "I wore a wedding dress throughout and we shot the video in an old abandoned church. I’m really inspired by the gothic medieval aesthetic and at the time I was thinking of the video I was watching a lot of Tim Burton films whose creativity really inspires me." Pale Waves' second album will follow their 2018 debut LP My Mind Makes Noises. Baron-Gracie says of their upcoming album, "For me, music and art is for people not to feel so alone and isolated. I want to be that person my fans look up to and find comfort in." [via the Line Of Best Fit]

The official video for Zoe Wees’ new single, 'Girls Like Us,' is online now. Like the song, the clip sends a message of togetherness and solidarity to girls around the world who are feeling the pressures of society. Zoe Wees says, “It’s not always good to think about how you look to the rest of the world. It’s much more important to think about how you feel inside. It is not easy to call yourself beautiful but being confident helps you to accept and love yourself.” The 18-year-old Hamburg, Germany-based artist adds, “We’re walking through a world with blinded eyes. At the end of the day, we all go to bed without make-up with the ugliest clothes and wake up with the messiest hair on earth.”

Julien Baker has shared a new taste of her forthcoming album Little Oblivions by way of a new single ‘Hardline’. Julien says, “A few years ago I started collecting travel ephemera again with a loose idea of making a piece of art with it. I had been touring pretty consistently since 2015 and had been traveling so much that items like plane tickets and hotel keycards didn't have much novelty anymore. So I saved all my travel stuff and made a little collage of a house and a van out of it. I wanted to incorporate it into the record and when we were brainstorming ideas for videos we came across Joe Baughman and really liked his work so we reached out with the idea of making a stop-motion video that had similar aesthetic qualities as the house I built did. I don't know why I have the impulse to write songs or make tiny sculptures out of plane tickets. But here it is anyway: a bunch of things I've collected and carried with me that I've re-organized into a new shape.” The video for ‘Hardline’ was directed by Joe Baughman, who notes: “Man, even after having spent 600 hours immersed in ‘Hardline’ and having listened to it thousands of times, I am still moved by it. It was a fun and ambitious challenge creating something that could accompany such a compelling song. The style of the set design, inspired by a sculpture that Julien created, was especially fun to work in. I loved sifting through magazines, maps, and newspapers from the 60s and 70s and finding the right colors, shapes, and quotes to cover almost every surface in the video.”

Teenage Joans are staying true to their world and unveiling 'Something About Being Sixteen', a new single that's sure to cement their 2021 as victorious. It's the perfect successor to 'Three Leaf Clover' and a track that makes it two-for-two for Teenage Joans, further capturing the excitement and energy within Cahli and Tahlia as they trade catchy riffs and thriving choruses with the combo of light-heartedness and intimateness that seems to define Teenage Joans' work, and how they're able to look in at themselves (and out at the world around them) through a lens that keeps it fun and digestable. "'Something About Being Sixteen' is undoubtedly Teenage Joans' great take on the classic coming of age rock tune, generally closing our live sets with audiences singing along every time without fail," the duo say on the single. [via Pilerats]

Kate Hollowell took a risk going by the moniker Number One Popstar when she released her debut single 'Psycho.' However, Hollowell didn’t mind if that choice set her up for failure or not. She goes with the flow. Luckily, that mentality has advanced her even farther. Now, Number One Popstar releases her second single, 'I Hate Running.' New Year’s resolutions are, most of the times, created for the wrong reasons. It’s also no surprise that majority of people’s goals center around exercising and weight loss. 'I Hate Running', however, challenges that mindset, satirizing the toxic nature of exercise industry and diet culture. Hollowell said herself, “The song explores facing the hard, emotional work instead of the physical.  I really don’t enjoy running, and I wanted to troll the exercise industry and write an anti-motivational song.” In terms of sound, 'I Hate Running' shares similar vibes to her first single with its classic 80s pop of saturated synths. But, this time, there’s a hint of disco with the zealous psychedelic guitar and electric drums and keys. The interludes consist of a symbolic, robotic, and almost sinister snippet from a workout instructor. It all complements well with Hollowell’s escapist lyrics. Even though the lyrics say otherwise, the track’s sound might just spark that motivation to workout or dance, doing mindful movement that makes us feel good. Exercise should never feel like a punishment, and Number One Popstar is here to remind us. She makes us want to stick it to the exercise industry, proving to it that we will only work out for the right reasons. [via Earmilk]

Alt-pop riser Chloe Rodgers has shared her new video 'The Algea' in full. The Nottingham based talent sparkled in 2020 in spite of the pervasive gloom, releasing two startling singles. Her third release could be her best yet, with 'The Algea' hitting streaming services just before Christmas. The video captures those mid-winter chills, while providing a platform for Chloe to express herself. Constructed alongside creative director Kate Lomas, it was shot at Newstead Abbey in Nottingham. Chloe comments... "I wanted to use a music box in the video to represent being objectified and getting stuck in the same cycles, as that’s largely what the song is about. I wrote the song when I was 18, but didn’t add the verse at the end about claiming my power back until a couple of years later when I felt a bit stronger. We tried to reflect this in the video too with the Chloe in white sort of protecting the other Chloe of the past." Kate Lomas adds: "This was such a joy to watch come together, the video concept is based around the idea that Chloe is the character in a music box, she’s the performer that’s spinning round on an endless cycle for other people’s entertainment. The video tells the tale of Chloe definitely breaking this cycle and no longer playing this role." [via Clash]

Jaguar Jonze has announced her ANTIHERO EP will be released on April 16 via Nettwerk Records. With the EP announcement, Deena shares the official music video for her latest single, 'ASTRONAUT,' the follow-up to two previously released videos for 'DEADALIVE' and 'MURDER'. Each of the five music videos for the forthcoming ANTIHERO EP will come together through bold-palette videos that transform into an antihero character “in a cyberpunk, anime, futuristic, graphic, almost sci-fi world,” says Deena. Deena adds, “as ‘ASTRONAUT’ delves into my anxiety, I wanted the film to reflect that in a simple way that helped portray how my anxiety can sometimes manifest - a contradiction between feeling lost in vast spaces and trapped in claustrophobic spaces. I had a specific idea in mind, which meant that I had to undergo stunt training with professionals and learn how to maneuver in a wire harness. Most of the video had to be shot in a single take because of the stunts' nature in safety preparation, time consumption, and impact on the body. I'm still recovering from the bruises, but it was all worth it, and the team was amazing in pulling it all together. I'm proud of this one as it is 3 minutes of my rawest vulnerability, visually interpreted. I'm also finally ready to share it.” 'ASTRONAUT' is the sound of Deena liberating herself from a lifelong battle with anxiety.  “It is a human trait. It’s how we survive in the wild,” she says. “We’re all wired as humans to be quite anxious.  As females more so, because we’re more susceptible to danger.”

Rising star Mulay shares the smoking visuals for her new single, ‘Antracyte’. It’s the culminating release in a three-part video series from the Berlin-based alternative R&B singer-songwriter/producer/artist, ahead of her highly anticipated EP, which comes out at the end of the month via Groenland Records. Mulay explains about the single, “'ANTRACYTE' is the intro and title track to my debut EP. It’s the soundtrack to the birth of a villain and captures the moment of complete honesty to yourself about the awareness of doing wrong by the ones you love while feeling the inability to turn around. It’s about the desire to taste forbidden fruits, to cross and explore what lies beyond the line and the self-empowering feeling of playing by your own rules defeating the fear of consequences and the power of moral concepts. 'ANTRACYTE' tells a story of contradicting emotions, a story of love, lust, pain and a longing for more. It’s about facing your own darkness and sins, about self-revelation, emancipation and about paying its price, resigning to your fate.”

Only a band like shallow pools could make a blast of 'ice water' sound refreshing and necessary in the dead of New England winter. But the Massachusetts indie-pop group is usually pushing against the current of what we’d normally expect, and now the quartet hits us with a dose of cold reality through their new single and video. 'ice water' is a vivid new single that confronts the mental health struggles brought on by quarantine and isolation, and even the shallow pools aesthetic has reflected this by shifting from bright glowing neons to a more subdued color palette of beiges and browns. Call it a sign of the times, and call 'ice water' the sound of now; upbeat and jovial on the surface, a comet of pop smarts and hooks, but with the darker shine that resides in our lives when we’re positioned away from the screens and digital scenes. As Glynnis Brennan sings “Every day’s the same and / There’s no breaking out / Like I’m stuck here / Going through the motions now” well, we feel that. shallow pools describe “ice water” as “a departure from the music we’ve made in the past, but it’s the perfect bridge between our old and new sound.” That is certainly the case, and 'ice water' continues to showcase the group as one of New England’s sharpest, following a string of 2020 singles that included pop standouts like 'Haunted' and 'Afterlight'. “We wrote the song with our friend and producer, Chris Curran, and learned a lot about the type of music we want to be making in the process,” the band adds. “The song is about the impact that the state of the world has had on our mental health, specifically in the last year. We’re excited to share it and hope that anyone who has had similar experiences will find some comfort in knowing that there are others who can relate.” [via Vanyaland]

#videos of the week #simpson #lana del rey #g flip #mxmtoon #pearl charles #dodie #people club #pale waves #zoe wees #julien baker #teenage joans #number one popstar #chloe rodgers #mulay #jaguar jonze #shallow pools

[klirk-hammurton]

New follower here! I love your Metallica imagines! 🥹

If you are still taking requests, can you write for how the members of Metallica would help if you were sick/injured and how they may go about cheering you up/making you feel better?

I need this in my life right now. 🤒

I most certainly can my dear! I hope you get to feeling better! Hopefully this brings a smile to your face. Thank you for the love and support as well ❤

James Hetfield 

He's attentive to your every need.  Brings you fuzzy blankets, fluffy pillows, hot coffee/tea

He's going to cuddle the fuck out of you. Don't try pushing him off either. He's 6'2" of pure adorable dorkiness and is determined to have you feeling better

"Who hurt you? They'll pay dearly for this"......."James, sweetie….you can't punch a cold in the face…"

Movie marathon. He doesn't care how much he dislikes a movie, if it's your absolute favorite comfort film, he's snuggling up with you and watching it

He's not going to let you do anything. You just worry about getting better. 

He's gonna do his best to make you some soup. Homemade soup can kick any cold in the ass.

Probably makes a trip to the store and overstocks on everything. You send him for one thing and he comes back with $60 worth of stuff from CVS and a receipt long enough to cover a football field.

If you're too sick to bathe, he'll handle that for you. It's little small things like this he loves to do. He'll help you wash your hair, sit back and relax. 

He'll put all of his plans on hold for you. He hates the idea of himself having fun when you can't. You're his first priority 

It might be cheesy, but he'll lay with you and hum soft and soothing lullabies to help you relax. He's a giant teddy bear

Cliff Burton

He's going to do everything he can think of to get you better.

Blanket forts and tons of pillows. Look, he's a big kid and laughter speeds healing.

Don't be surprised when he brings you tons of stuffies after also soup shopping. It's the thought that counts, right

Would probably Google some home remedies for you. "This should work. It's an old timey family remedy." 

Don't worry about the smoke alarms going off. He has everything under control. Kirk is probably shaking his head in the background mouthing 'he doesn't have it under control…'

He's a try hard. He's going to put in so much effort into the simplest of things. 

"Are you comfortable? Do you need more blankets? I have more." You're already buried in blankets and just don't have the heart to tell him no. He's trying 

Poking the canned soup with a spoon. "This definitely doesn't look right…." ……"You're supposed to add milk or water to it first."

He'll help you brush out your hair and shower you in kisses

Lay's next to you and runs his fingers through your hair until you fall asleep. He won't sleep until you do

Kirk Hammett 

He's going to absolutely baby you. Catering to you hand and foot.

Don't be surprised if he tries to get you to come meditate with him. Sometimes natural medicine is all you need

He's an excellent cook, so of course he's gonna go all out in taking care of you. 

Breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed. He's so proud of himself and all of these extravagant dishes he's bringing to you. 

Is going to snuggle you and look at you like a lost and sick puppy. Not the puppy dog eyes….yes, the puppy dog eyes.

Body massages to help ease any tension. Certain massages help in boosting the immune system

"I know you said chicken noodle, so I bought that, cream of chicken, chicken vegetable….is that too much?" He's an overachiever. 

He'll let you lay on top of him on the couch and cuddle. Head scratches and back rubs and forehead kisses.

Runs you a hot bubble bath with Epsom salts. He'll sit next to you on the edge of the tub and stroke your hair

Would probably get sick too because he can't stand the idea of quarantine. 

Lars Ulrich 

Probably sanitizes everything to make sure you don't get sick again. Can't take no chances.

He's known to be a pretty good cook, especially with soups. You're in good hands with him.

Asks you taste test everything he's making. Pouts a little when you say no but then remembers you're sick and you don't eat him getting it too. Don't mind his pouty face, he'll recover from it

Brings you tons of things you'll need. Hand sanitizer, tissues, spare garbage can for the trash, cough drops, you name it. "So I might have gone a little overboard…."

If you're a bookworm, he'll buy tons of books and snuggle up with you to read them. It melts his heart when you fall asleep on him.

Don't be annoyed if asks you a million times a day on how you're feeling, if you need anything, 

Probably brings board games as a way to help waste time and help keep your mind occupied. He only has to grow old, not grow up.

Brings you a giant stuffed animal with get well balloons. Don't judge him, he's trying. It's comical because the bear is almost as big as him.

Does small things around the house so you don't have to worry about them. He just wants you to focus on getting better

Snuggles up with you to watch your favorite TV show or comfort movie.

Jason Newsted

Goes all out in the 'I'm gonna take care of you' department. Don't get mad if he goes overboard 

Brings little small care packages to help cheer you up. Little baskets with your favorite teas/coffees, sweets, probably some candles and bath products 

He's very attentive to you and pays attention to even the smallest of things. Sure he's known to be the tough guy, but around you he's like a harmless puppy

Brings you lots and lots of pillows and fuzzy blankets. So many pillows. You can never be too comfy at this point 

He'll surprise you with your favorite flowers to help liven up your mood. He just wants you happy and healthy

Movie baskets equipped with the first movie you watched together, snacks, some cold meds for you, a cheesy love note or two 

Even if you're sick as a dog, he's still gonna give you compliments on how pretty you are. Don't tell him you aren't, he WILL argue otherwise

 Does little small chores around the house. He doesn't want you doing anything that you're not supposed to 

Makes you a mixed tape of some of his favorite songs and artists that he'd listen to when he's feeling down

Lots and lots of audio books to listen to together 

Robert Trujillo 

Surprises you with several care baskets. One for when you're sick, another of your favorite bath products, and a third for staying in together and enjoying each other's company 

Leaves you handwritten love notes for when you wake up. You'll find them everywhere. 

He'll help you with your hair, brushing and braiding it for you.

He's going to snuggle and cuddle the fuck out of you. He's a total snuggle bug.

Brings matching snuggy blankets to cuddle up with and watch shows and movies with you

Gentle body massages to help you relax and unwind, peppering you in little kisses all over 

On a day when you're feeling a little better, he'll serenade you. He's a hopeless romantic no matter the situation 

He's a big kid, so when you're up to it he's breaking out the board games with you. He'll let you win a few times too

Home cooked meals. Being Hispanic and Native, he has a lot of recipes for remedies to help get you feeling better

Lots of nice hot bubble baths. He'll stay right by your side, stroking your hair and keeping you company 

#metallica #metallica family #met family #acillatem #5th member #james hetfield #papa het #the master of puppets #cliff burton #clifford lee burton #the master of orion #kirk hammett #kirk the ripper hammett #the master of lightning #lars ulrich #little drummer boy #jason newsted #jason newkid #robert trujillo #asks #ask me things #ask box answers #requests #metallica imagines

[dweemeister]

2019 Movie Odyssey Award for Best Original Song (preliminary round)

Many of my longtime followers will know what is below. And yes, it’s that time of year again!

There are a few folks I wanted to extend invites to that I wasn’t able to get to in time (because of stuff IRL). If you are listed (and are interested), let me know so I can sort you into a group as soon as possible: @dansmonarbre, @dog-of-ulthar, @fredsbarandgrill, @loveless422, @shadesofhappy, @somequeerdistortion, @thethirdman8. Otherwise, you will still be tagged for the MOABOS final anyways because of your prior participation in previous years.

As is the year-end tradition on my blog, there is an Oscar-like ceremony honoring some of the best achievements from movies that I saw for the first time in their entirety this calendar year (the "Movie Odyssey"). I’ve always considered MOABOS a musical thank-you for your moral support on and offline throughout the year.

An unspecified number of songs have already advanced to the final round. Twenty songs will compete in this preliminary round. Like every year there has been a preliminary, there are two groups - Group A and Group B. Even moreso than last year, songs from musicals dominate and, after a year where personal time has come at a premium, it has also resulted in the most monolingual field we’ve had in a preliminary.

INSTRUCTIONS IN THE GROUP YOU HAVE BEEN SORTED INTO, please rank (#1-10) at least five of your group's songs. Please consider (to the best of your ability): how musically interesting the song is (incl. and not limited to musical phrasing and orchestration); its lyrics; quality of performance; context within the film (contextual blurbs provided for those who haven’t seen these films); choreography/dance direction (if applicable); and the song's cultural impact/life outside the film (if applicable, and the least important factor). Imperfections in audio and video quality may not be used against any song. The top four songs in each group automatically advance to the final round. I reserve the right to pick 0-2 songs from one or both groups that finished outside the top four in their respective groups to contest the final round. This was never a true democracy, as you all know!

The deadline for submission is Tuesday, December 10 at 11 PM Pacific Time. That's Friday, December 11 at 1 AM Central Time / 2 AM Eastern Time / 7 AM GMT / 8 AM CET / 9 AM EET. This deadline may be pushed back if there are a large number of people who have not submitted in time - but I would rather not have that happen, especially because more people are going to be called in for the final round. Feel free to send in comments and reactions with your rankings - it’s always fun to read reactions to individual songs, and it usually makes the process (for everyone) more enjoyable! Tabulation details are under the read-more.

Take your time, and and listen more than once if you wish. Please pay attention to which group you have been sorted into. The songs are (“Song title”, composer and lyricist, film title):

GROUP A

“Can You Imagine That?”, music by Marc Shaiman, lyrics by Scott Wittman and Marc Shaiman, Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

Performed by Emily Blunt, Pixie Davies, Joel Dawson, and Nathanael Saleh

Shortly after Mary Poppins (Blunt) becomes the governess for the Banks children (Davies, Dawson, and Saleh), she draws a bath after the children have covered themselves in dirt. The bath, however, is infused with Mary Poppins’ signature magic, leading to a fantastical segment.

“Detroit”, music and lyrics by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman, The Happiest Millionaire (1967)

Performed by John Davidson and Lesley Ann Warren

(partial use in film)

Lovebirds Cordy Biddle (Warren) and Angier “Angie” Buchanan Duke (Davidson in his film debut) have been discussing their future together. Angie does not want to inherit his father’s tobacco business - instead wishing to head to Detroit to be a part of the automotive industry (the film is set in 1916, as the city was booming because of the auto industry).

“Gay Paree”, music by Henry Mancini, lyrics by Leslie Bricusse, Victor/Victoria (1982)

Performed by Robert Preston

In this musical, Carroll “Toddy” Todd (Preston) is a gay performer at the Chez Lui nightclub in Paris. This songs appears shortly after the opening credits and a short introductory scene. The use of the word “gay” in this song may be interpreted however you wish.

“Honolulu Baby”, music and lyrics by Marvin Hatley, Sons of the Desert (1933)

(Initial performance) / (brief reprise) / (non-film version)

First performance by Ty Parvis; reprise by Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy; full non-film version by The Beau Hunks

Laurel and Hardy have tricked their wives into believing they have taken a Hawaiian cruise rather than attending the national meeting of a fraternity known as the Sons of the Desert - their wives disapprove of the latter for reasons that give away too many jokes in one of the best (and funniest) films I saw all year. The reprise is part of a joke that I’d also rather not spoil.

“I Dug a Ditch”, music by Burton Lane, lyrics by Lew Brown and Ralph Freed, Thousands Cheer (1943)

Performed by the Kay Kyser Band, Kathryn Grayson, Georgia Carroll, Harry Babbitt, Sully Mason, M.A. Bogue, and chorus

NOTE: An entirely separate song, “Should I”, is integrated from 3:04-3:36.

Apologies for the text overlaying the video. The second half of Thousands Cheer is essentially an elaborate revue musical performance for American World War II troops in which the film’s initial pretense of attempting a story is entirely dropped. “I Dug a Ditch” is one of the songs appearing in the film’s second half.

“(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again”, music by Elton John, lyrics by Bernie Taupin, Rocketman (2019)

Performed by Elton John and Taron Egerton

This is the first song played over the end credits of this biopic of Elton John. This is John and Taupin’s (John’s songwriting partner through the 1960s-1990s) first collaboration outside the Sherlock Gnomes series for this decade.

“Into the Unknown”, music and lyrics by Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Frozen II (2019)

(end credits version)

Performed by Idina Menzel and AURORA; end credits version performed by Panic! At the Disco

Some years after being crowned Queen of Arendelle (which happened at the end of Frozen), Elsa hears an eerie voice calling out to her - a voice that will connect Elsa to her parents’ tragic fate. The voice’s melody will reprise throughout the film’s score.

“The Shady Dame from Seville”, music by Henry Mancini, lyrics by Leslie Bricusse, Victor/Victoria (1982)

(Initial performance) / (reprise to be watched at your own spoiler-y risk)*

Performed by Julie Andrews; reprise by Robert Preston

*watch at your own spoiler-y risk because it gives away the film’s comical musical ending

Victoria Grant (Andrews), after making her Parisian debut playing a man named “Victor” who is impersonating a woman, has become the hit vaudeville act of Paris. This is one of her signature performances. Preston’s reprise - which appears near the film’s conclusion - was done in one take, hence his sweaty and fatigued appearance at the end.

“Trường Tương Tư”, music and lyrics by Leon Le, Song Lang (2018, Vietnam)

Performed by Isaac and Liên Bỉnh Phát

Lyrics in Vietnamese

English translation and context are in the link.

“(Underneath the) Lovely London Sky”, music by Marc Shaiman, lyrics by Scott Wittman and Marc Shaiman, Mary Poppins Returns

Performed by Lin-Manuel Miranda

This is the opening song in Mary Poppins Returns. Lamplighter Jack (Miranda) is turning out the London gaslights as night turns into morning, as he bikes through the city’s streets - filled with indicators of the Great Depression, industrial pollution, and the general overcast weather that tends to be associated with England. Jack reprises the songs a few times across the film and the song is quoted in the film’s score.

Group A participants include: @addaellis, @cokwong, @halfwaythruthedark, @myluckyerror, @phendranaedge, @plus-low-overthrow, @theybecomestories, @umgeschrieben, @yellanimal. Between six to ten others will be participating in this group, including myself and my sister.

GROUP B

“Crazy World”, music by Henry Mancini, lyrics by Leslie Bricusse, Victor/Victoria (1982)

Performed by Julie Andrews

Victoria Grant (Andrews) is a woman playing a man named “Victor” who is impersonating a woman. Victoria, as Victor, has become the hit vaudeville act of Paris. This is Victoria’s first performance as “Victor” not pretending to be a woman. Is your head spinning yet?

“East Bound and Down”, music and lyrics by Jerry Reed and Dick Feller, Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

Performed by Jerry Reed

This is the theme song for this comedy, which also describes the plot somewhat. Smokey and the Bandit is about two truckers - “Bandit” (Burt Reynolds) and “Snowman” (Reed) - who have been offered $80,000 by a rich Texan to pick up 400 cases of Coors beer from Texarkana, Texas and return to Atlanta within twenty-eight hours. In 1977, Coors was only found in the Western U.S. and transporting it across Southern state lines was illegal (giving Coors a mystique in the Eastern U.S.).

“Fortuosity”, music and lyrics by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman, The Happiest Millionaire (1967)

Performed by Tommy Steele

Irish immigrant John Lawless (Steele) is one day off his Transatlantic ferry and is soon to take up a job as the Biddle family’s butler. This is the first song in The Happiest Millionaire, performed shortly after the opening credits. The song is also on the musical rotation for Disney parks’ Main Street and is reprised during the film and quoted in its score.

“Fun and Fancy Free (I’m a Happy-Go-Lucky Fellow)”, music and lyrics by Bennie Benjamin, George David Weiss, Ned Washington, and Eliot Daniel Fun and Fancy Free (1947)

Performed by Dinah Shore, chorus, and Cliff Edwards (as Jiminy Cricket)

Played over the opening credits; the main musical ideas are used a few times in the film’s score. This is Jiminy Cricket’s second appearance in a canonical Disney Animation Studios feature film.

“The Joint Is Really Jumpin’ in Carnegie Hall”, music and lyrics by Roger Edens, Ralph Blane, and Hugh Martin, Thousands Cheer (1943)

Performed by Judy Garland and Jose Iturbi

The second half of Thousands Cheer - where this song is found - is essentially an elaborate revue musical performance for American World War II troops in which the film’s initial pretense of attempting a story is entirely dropped.

“The Next Right Thing”, music and lyrics by Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Frozen II (2019)

Performed by Kristen Bell

Anna (Bell) has seemingly lost her friends and her sister at what is the lowest point in the film. Uncertain what to do, she recalls a small piece of advice that leads her forward.

“Nowhere to Go but Up”, music by Marc Shaiman, lyrics by Scott Wittman and Marc Shaiman, Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

Performed by Angela Lansbury, Ben Whishaw, Pixie Davies, Joel Dawson, Nathanael Saleh, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Emily Mortimer, Julie Walters, Jeremy Swift, Kobna Holdbrook-Smith, David Warner, Jim Norton, and company

On a sunny spring day, the Banks family and Mary Poppins go out to the local park to make a day of it. Certain non-lyrical inclusions in this song cannot be explained without spoiling the film. This is the final song of Mary Poppins Returns.

“Sương Chiều”, music and lyrics by Leon Le and Hoàng Song Việt, Song Lang (2018, Vietnam)

Performed by Isaac and Tú Quyên

Lyrics in Vietnamese

English translation and context are in the link.

“Trip a Little Light Fantastic”, music by Marc Shaiman, lyrics by Scott Wittman and Marc Shaiman, Mary Poppins Returns

Performed by Lin-Manuel Miranda, Emily Blunt, Tarik Frimpong, Pixie Davies, Joel Dawson, Nathanael Saleh, and company

After being scolded by their father, the Banks children are taken home by Mary Poppins (Blunt). Along the way, they encounter their friend, lamplighter Jack (Miranda), as they take a lengthy detour. The cycling skills seen in this number are probably anachronistic.

“Woodstock”, music and lyrics by Joni Mitchell, Woodstock (1970)

Performed by Crosby Stills, Nash & Young

This song appears in the end credits to Woodstock - the official documentary film for the eponymous August 1969 musical festival.

Group B participants include: @emilylime5, @ideallaedi, @introspectivemeltdown, @maximiliani, @mindo80, @themusicmoviesportsguy, @nazur, @stephdgray, and @underblackwings. Between six to ten others will be participating in this group, including myself and my sister.

If you have any questions or comments regarding the process or the songs involved, you may contact me at any time in any way you prefer. If you are having difficulty accessing the videos (especially if it is region-locked), please let me know as soon as you can.

Thank you all for being amazing followers and friends, and I thank you for your participation and support for the Movie Odyssey, this blog, and for me personally - no matter how long I’ve known you or in what capacity. I didn’t do as much outreach this year due to personal reasons, but I hope we have a healthy amount of participation. You will all be tagged for the final round regardless of your participation here. If turnout in one group is lagging behind compared to another, I may ask some of the more senior participants to participate in the other group, too. There is no pressure if you can’t do this, everyone. Thank you all again, and happy listening!

TABULATION

This preliminary round uses a points-based, ranked choice method which has been used since the first time I asked friends, tumblr followers, and family to help out. A respondent’s first choice receives 10 points, the second choice receives 9, the third choice receives 8, etc. The winner is the song that ends up with the most total points. This method, for the first time ever, will not be used for the final round. Tiebreakers for above: 1) total points earned; 2) total #1 votes; 3) placement on my ballot; 4) placement on my sister’s ballot; 5) tie declared

#2019 Movie Odyssey Awards

[doomedandstoned]

Lucifungus Will Smoke You Out at Sun Burn Fest!

~By Brad Nicholson~

Having existed for just over one year, Lucifungus have been super busy. Their debut album 'Akuma Kin' (2018) has almost sold out of vinyl copies on the French label Blackfarm Records. They have moved over 800 units on CD and digital download, played a bunch of shows in Australia and New Zealand, and have supported the likes of Church of Misery, Voivod, and 1000mods, and are really excited about playing second last on Friday of Sun Burn. Big things come in small packages.

Akuma Kin by Lucifungus

Describe your music for someone who hasn’t seen you before.

Fucking heavy! Fun, groovy, sludgy, doomy shit.

What are you working on right now and if it’s a record how long 'til we get to hear it?

We have almost finished writing our second album, recording in the second week of March 2020 at Goatsound in Melbourne. We will be releasing it very shortly after that. Also recording one song for a split 10-inch with Sithter from Japan, the Church of Misery singer's other band.

What’s the creative process that brings the best out of your band?

DD plucks great riffs out of the Universe at Jams. Brad turns them into songs. Be Rad also hums riffs into his phone recorder, which is fucking hilarious! DD and Be Rad have been playing sludgey shit together for over 20 years, so we kind of just know what to do together. It's like we are in some kind of weird doom family. All of our previous bands have been obviously us.

Are you or any member of your band a witch, wizard, warlock, or any combination of the three?

Be Rad is a stoner sloth and DD is a Professor in bird banding. Wizard shmizard!

What’s the best band that you have seen in the last year that people may not have heard of before?

Dr. Colossus, but if you haven't seen them, you're a dummy! Sithter and Nepenthes from Japan, too -- both great bands.

What was your favourite record in 2019?

Nepenthes - Scent. Randomly chanced seeing this band in Tokyo earlier this year and was blown away. The album is from 2017, but for us it is our sneaky album find of the year.

What band would you add to the Sun Burn Line up if money was no object?

Cathedral from the '90s.

What is your go-to remedy for sunburn?

Super Lemon Haze and cigarettes.

If you could resurrect any deceased musician to join your band who would it be and why?

Cliff Burton. I reckon old Cliffy would love the stoner grooves.

What does 2020 hold for your band?

Supporting Pod People on their comeback tour at the start of March. Recording and releasing our second album in March. Playing Windburn in Wellington, New Zealand in April. Releasing a split 10-inch with Sithter from Japan in June, followed by a Japanese record release tour starting June 4th and Aussie tour with Lucifungus/Sithther and others in August. Then Sun Burn 2 in November. That'll do for now

Follow The Band

Get Their Music

Go To Sun Burn

#D&S Interviews #Lucifungus #Canberra #Australia #Doom #Sludge #Metal #Stoner Rock #Sun Burn #Sun Burn Festival #2019 #festival #Brad Nicholson #Doomed & Stoned

[nukenai]

Saw Bumblebee tonight.

hi this is the movie i’ve been waiting for my whole life. i got into transformers with the 07 movie and, obviously, this is the only movie to get close to giving me the feeling of that, and guess what, it surpassed it. it had a bit less of an impact only because there were less actual transformers in it - which is fine - it’s a different kind of movie. nothing wrong with that.

but it’s the kind of movie i needed now. I know it’s fucking lame to talk like this but like. fuck, Charlie is an extremely good character and someone I needed. her dad died. My mom died. Her whole family has moved on and shit and she really has not. though I still have issues with my family and no robot best friend, I’m maybe getting to okay-land. I literally almost had a nervous breakdown at this line:

"Ever since my dad died I feel like I've just been a drain on people. Everyone wants me to act like nothing happened but I can't!" 

It’s. so incredibly real to me and my situation. Transformers, specifically TFP, played such a huge part in me being able to cope with my mom’s death. New episodes were airing while she was wasting away in the hospital. A Ratchet one was airing while I was visiting her once. When I met Jeff Kline, I got to briefly tell him that TFP really helped me cope with losing my mom, before i burst into tears and he gave me One Piece tissues.

I feel like nothing but a burden to my family, and that I drain them. I have received zero emotional support from any of them. For a very long time, while my mom was beginning to get sick, I was alone in taking care of her. Her boyfriend helped progressively more as she got sicker. He died of pancreatic cancer a couple years ago, a long while after he had lost contact with my family basically. He got along really well with my dog. He visited once and I brought Striker up after he said, “He probably won’t remember me.” He did. I miss them both so much.

My version of Charlie’s diving I absolutely believe is horseback riding. My mom learned to ride when she was a teenager but had to stop because she was so allergic. It broke her heart. When I wanted to learn, I was originally going to learn english, like she did, but the barn people were rude to us, calling me “a little too old to learn” when I was fifteen. So I wound up learning Western. All of that came to a halt after my stepfather stole my horse and sold him. It took me years after I lost my mom to get on a horse again. And then I went and bought my own horse.

Everyone in my family has been nothing but negative about me and Rain. No one supports me! No one shows any interest in my riding, ever asks how my horse is, or anything. Not even my father. But it’s everything to me. Getting Rain, doing something so ‘stupid’ has helped me to recover so much more than anything else has. So fuck you, family :)

Anyways, the movie. What a brilliant movie. More focus on the relationship between Bumblebee and his person - and a person who doesn’t treat him like shit, and isn’t an insufferable piece of garbage. I saw myself in her so goddamn much. (I love the Smiths, as a sidenote).

Shockwave was not actually voiced by Corey Burton, but you could’ve fucking fooled me because hearing him made me burst into fucking tears and start shaking. I was so happy Ratchet got one line. And fuck yes, Ravage was awesome. And Arcee!! holy fuck Arcee

Cliff........jumper......... lmao.......... god fuckin damn it.

No Jazz subtracts 900 points but the movie itself gets a million, so.

It just... I have so many emotions about it. It was like this movie was made from my heart. How fuckin gay is that for me to say. “yes nuke we know you’re a robotfucker”. Listen............ listen.

I’m getting there. I’m getting to a place where I’m better. I’ve been feeling very, very badly for a good few months, especially this last... little bit more than a month and a half. It’s been very rough.

But I hope, from this point, I’m on an upswing. Feels a bit like it.

#some moderate spoilers #talking about dead mom stuff too so #lots of ranting lmao

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Retrospective Review: Spider-Man (2002)

So I started my rewatch of all the Spider-man movies in prep for Spider-man: NWH. Irrespective of whether Tobey and Andrew show up in that movie, at least the villains from all the movie will show up for sure. And that's worth a rewatch since I haven't seen these in a while. Completed watching Spider-man last night and it was a lot of fun. I remember the craze for this movie when it first came out. It was the biggest movie of its time. It was also my first real introduction to Spider-man. My inroad into comics were Batman: TAS, Superman: TAS, and the Burton/Schumacher era Batman movies. I didn't know much about Marvel comics or Marvel movies till then. Spider-man was really my first marvel introduction.

Rewatching the movie was a lot of fun. This film definitely is dated in certain ways. Some of the effects shots definitely look of its era, which is understandable. And there are some moments of intense cheesiness. Some of the dialogue, references, and events do make you roll your eyes and grin at it all, but its all in good fun. The film does an incredible job of the setup of Peter Parker. Peter's status quo in the school, his intense crush on Mary Jane, his complex friendship with Harry, and his relationship with Aunt May and Uncle Ben. Certainly, Uncle Ben is able to make a lasting effect in the series with not much screen time. A lot of that has to do with Cliff Robertson who manages to sell the heart of Uncle Ben. That famous line "with great power, comes great responsibility", could easily sound very corny but he sells it and it works to this day. And there's a reason, no other Spider-man movie has tried to use that line verbatim. They all know it will be compared to the original. The character dynamics what make the movie work. You feel that Aunt May, Peter, and Uncle Ben are a family unit. Peter and Harry's friendship is complicated but still has a trueness to it. There is the romance triangle with Peter/Harry/MJ. There is an earnestness to Peter's love for MJ. You want him to get the girl. Also, Peter's journey to discovering his powers is very much how you feel any teenager who has never had any power would react. There is a certain joy as he leaps from building to building and when he is able to beat up Flash at school. The pacing for the film is also pretty fast. It clocks in just under 2 hours. The action sequences are exciting and thrilling even now, despite some dated effects in some sequences. The finale fight is brutal. Probably the most brutal final fight that I had seen in a comic book movie till then. The villain is fantastic. More on that later. Also, it introduces maybe the greatest comic book casting, which is JK Simmons as J Jonah Jameson. I don't think I have ever considered anyone so perfect for the role they were cast.

The film isn't flawless though. It does have it share of issues. It does have more than its fair share of groanworthy dialogue. Also, the villain's overall end goal is not completely clear. Until the World Unity Fair, it was clear that Goblin was just getting rid of all of Norman Osborn's enemies. But after that, it just wasn't completely clear on Goblin wanted to happen other than to be rid of Spider-man as an enemy. Also, the Goblin suit is difficult to take seriously. To be fair, I'm not sure how any Goblin suit would possibly look because TASM2 Goblin look on Harry didn't look good either, but this did look very Power Rangers type and especially in scenes in daylight, it looked odd. On top of that, I have always had a bit of an issue with the portrayal of MJ in these movies. She really is just a damsel in distress. Also, her character does seem to be a lot about hopping from guy to guy, from Flash to Harry to Spider-man to Peter. She's also kissing Spider-man while she's going out with Harry. So the character doesn't have a whole lot to her other than to be the girl of Peter's dreams. In addition, while Spider-man 3 gets a lot of justifiable mocking for the scientists just ignoring an anomaly before turning on their experiment, causing Sandman to be born, Spider-man has one which is not dissimilar when the scientist just ignores the fact that one of their genetically modified spiders is missing, which ends up biting Peter.

The cast is uniformly excellent. As I mentioned, Cliff Robertson sells the hell out of a short role of Uncle Ben that remains in everyone's mind throughout the trilogy. James Franco is strong as Harry. While I do have an issue with the character, I feel Kirsten Dunst does a good job. I think she's probably at her most appealing in this movie out of all three. Rosemary Harris is a very heartfelt Aunt May. JK Simmons is just awesome and his rapid fire line delivery is absolutely dynamite.

Willem Dafoe is kind of this film's secret weapon. This film doesn't work if Goblin/Osborn doesn't creep you out. The fact that he does is entirely a credit to Dafoe because the film is actively working against him given his costume. But he somehow manages to make it work. He's also a bit sympathetic in the first half of the movie because the Generals and the Board of Directors of Oscorp seem to be actively trying to bring him down. As if there is some personal vendetta. But he does a brilliant job with the voice and the genuinely freaky facial expression changes. Its clear he's having a blast. I can't wait to see him in NWH.

Tobey Maguire as Peter/Spider-man is excellent in this movie. For me, this was the first Spider-man I have ever seen so the things that are not comic book accurate, such as his organic web shooters or the fact that he's not as talkative as his comic book counterpart does not bother me much. He does deliver earnest nerdiness and romantic devotion with a lot of ease. He is able to deliver emotional scenes wonderfully.

Sam Raimi clearly does an excellent job making this movie. He wasn't completely a novice at making superhero movies, having made the underrated Darkman over a decade earlier but certainly it was the first film of this size. He does bring some of his horror elements into the movie, especially when it pertains to Green Goblin. In terms of superhero origin movies, I probably rank just Batman Begins, Iron Man, Captain America: TFA, GOTG, and Deadpool ahead of this one. For me, this ranks at a 7.5-8/10

#spider man #spider-man #peter parker #normon osborn #mary jane watson #uncle ben #aunt may #harry osborn #j jonah jameson #tobey maguire #willem dafoe #james franco #kirsten dunst #rosemary harris #cliff robertson #jk simmons

[wordsablaze]

Serendipity

When the cat is away, the mice will play. When the Avengers are away, Peter will introduce Loki to Bowser, plan a magical prank, and figure out how to unite the team with the world of Mario. Enjoy!

A/N: I'm sorry, I just really love these two and basically could not function until I wrote this. Plus, I saw the new Infinity War posters and my brain went 'yup, we're going to obsess over marvel again' so that's that...

Peter has prepared himself for many things in life. For example, he's always prepared for a science pop quiz or a new lego challenge or even changing into his Spiderman suit within half a minute. What he's not prepared for, however, is to be assaulted by an unprecedented display of magic that seems to be a dangerous combination of magnificence and malice.

His head jerks up as the hairs on his arms stiffen in warning so he dives behind the counter just in time for debris to fly over his head in what's possibly the worst mockery of rain in the world. The falling glass and plaster more or less remind him of destructive snow, actually. Waiting until the sound of crumbling infrastructure fades, he peeks over the top of the counter and watches as the levitating stranger transforms the windows and doors into solid metal before turning the ceiling into something that looks like it's been plucked out of a Tim Burton film, then picking up the nearest object and turning it into ash without even blinking.

Instead of being worried or anything else remotely sensible along those lines, Peter's eyes widen in awe. "That's so cool!"

Instead of continuing to take advantage of an otherwise empty Avengers' tower, the stranger stills as he hears the compliment, his sceptre resting on the ground as the blue light fades.

"I mean, it's really impressive and it looks so easy! But I bet it's actually pretty difficult, right? Oh, uh, I'm sorry if you were expecting someone else, by the way... I love your crown helmet!"

"Crown helmet?"

"Yeah. I'm sure it has, like, a more sophisticated name but I can't think of one. Crown helmet works pretty well to be honest because it looks royal and ready for battle..." he pauses. "Wait, is why you're here? There's not really anybody here to fight you. Except me, I guess. But I don't think fighting someone with such cool magic is a good idea, even for me... Wait, you can't be here for a battle, can you? FRIDAY wouldn't have let you in if you were so you have to be a friend, right?"

"Who exactly are you?" the owner of the crown helmet asks eventually.

Peter grins and springs to his feet, ignoring his spidey sense entirely and hoping that the other man is indeed a friend. "Peter Parker."

It's only when Peter sees the man smirk with that iconic glint in his eyes that it dawns on him who he's talking to so he curses himself for getting carried away and not noticing before. "Oh my algorithms... You're Loki, aren't you? I've heard so much about you and all the stuff you've done! Actually, maybe I shouldn't have told you my name... Please don't hurt my friends or family!"

Loki doesn't even know how to react and that's a first for him. "I'm not always out to hurt people, you know?"

"Nor is Bowser but people peg him as the bad guy all the time..." Peter nods understandingly, even though he's internally thinking about how he doesn't really understand. Then he realises he does understand because he's in the same position. "And people think Spiderman's a bad guy but he's just, like, trying to help in his own way, you know? It's not his fault if stupid journalists label him as a vigilante and everyone else just goes with it."

"Who?"

"You don't know who Bowser or Spiderman are?" Peter looks so crestfallen that even a God out for vengeance has to take pity on him.

"I haven't exactly spent much time on Midgard?" he offers as an explanation.

Peter's eyes light up in understanding. "Oh, of course, right, okay... I can show you who they are if you like? We have to fight our way to Bowser though... We can even fight Bowser together! Wait, have you heard of video games? You must have, right? They're pretty much universal, aren't they?"

Loki has never so lost in the face of a Midgardian before. "No?"

"In that case, it's practically my duty to explain! Come on, uh- Lord Loki, you don't even know what you've been missing out on!" Not that anyone can ever know exactly what they're missing out on since, if they did, they wouldn't really be missing out, but that's not the point.

Despite having originally arrived to create chaos, Loki finds himself following the excited teenager, trying to convince himself he'd not been persuaded solely by the title he's been given.

He's led into the next room where a rather large television is mounted onto the wall and a small collection of boxes lies beneath it. Peter, only briefly glancing behind him to make sure nothing is on fire, selects one of the boxes and pries it open, removing a circular disc that he then feeds to a bigger black box. He watches as Peter uses one of the oddly-shaped black objects to navigate his way through a menu and selects one of the options that then triggers an opening scene with an odd man who seems to be Italian and Mexican at the same time.

"How does this show me who Bowser is?"

Peter shrugs. "Bowser is the final boss. We have to play our way to him."

"Play?" Loki scoffs, "I do not 'play' anymore."

"Well, I suppose you can watch me play instead if you prefer?"

"Watch...? You expect me to sit here and do nothing while you fight?"

Peter has nothing to say so he shrugs again.

"I will observe as you battle your way to my enlightenment," Loki finally settles on.

"Sounds like a plan," Peter agrees and starts on the first level on single player mode because a certain someone had accidentally deleted his progress in an attempt to reboot the device with lightning but he was only trying to help so he couldn't really be blamed. He flies through the first set of levels but gets stuck when he's all out of spare lives and can't figure out how to kill three mushrooms without sacrificing his progress.

"Jump over the secret bridge thing."

Startled, Peter jumps so high he drops the remote and accidentally releases his hold on a button, turning left in the game and subsequently causing Mario to fall off the cliff.

"No!" he cries, whacking the controller on his head. "Now I have to start over..."

"Next time, use the bridge."

"What bridge?" Peters asks as he restarts the level, then biting his upper lip to concentrate.

"The one that was above your head- wait, stop," Loki says, throwing an arm out as if he can communicate with Mario.

Peter, not wholly surprised this time, stops in a safe place and looks to Loki, a questioning look on his face.

"You see that wall?"

"Yeah?"

"Do the spinning leaf tail move on it."

Peter stifles his laugh and nods, doing as instructed. Immediately, he discovers a secret passage he hadn't seen before. Leaning back, he whistles. "How did you know that was there?"

"Wasn't it obvious?"

"Not really, no..." Peter mumbles.

Loki's smug expression softens just a little. "Perhaps we should take it in turns?"

Peter nods thoughtfully. "We can't both play because we're too far into the single-player mode... but I don't mind watching. Here!" he passes the controller to Loki, who takes it with his free hand.

After a moment of thought, he asks, "Would you like to hold my sceptre?"

Eyes widening, Peter gasps. "Can I?"

Loki smiles and holds it out, almost laughing as Peter tentatively reaches out, freezing as his hands touch it and slowly pulling it closer, practically stroking the chilled gold body.

"It won't break if that's what you're worried about."

Peter grins, euphoria in his eyes, "Thank you, Lord Loki."

"Now, how do I make this little man crawl through the wall?"

"Press the back butto- no, no, not that one, the other back button! Stop!" Peter warns just as Mario bursts into flames.

"That was beautifully violent."

"Maybe, but it means we have to redo the level now so..."

"Again?" Loki groans, handing the controller back to Peter with a dramatic twirl of his wrist.

Peter, to his credit, doesn't complain at all, simply keeping his eyes glued to the screen and getting Mario to squeeze through the wall before handing the controller back to Loki.

"It's this button, by the way..." Peter lets Loki test it out before he resumes the game and so Mario doesn't randomly burst into flames this time.

And thus, the level is completed.

And the next one.

And the next.

And so on.

Until the two of them, after Loki accidentally makes Peter fly in his annoyance of dying - to which Peter had responded by doing a cartwheel and making a note of the experience so he can retell it to Ned later- and various curses of several degrees, finally encounter Bowser.

"We did all that for a spiked turtle?" Loki huffs immediately.

"He's the king of the Koopas! And it's not like I forced you!" Peter argues.

"Oh, shhhhhhhhhhhhh-" Loki groans, "He just killed us."

"Are you serious?" Peter props the sceptre on the sofa, takes the controller from him and deftly retries the level, then progressing a couple more in his excitement. He doesn't fall even once but obviously, Loki has other ideas or he'd just gotten bored because he pokes Peter and causes the teenager's attention to waver, resulting in an exposed, defenceless Mario and an instant, completely boring death.

"Looooooooh-hokiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Peter whines, letting himself flop onto the sofa backwards, his feet draped over the back and his head hanging upside down, just a few centimetres off the ground.

"I'm sorry, little spider."

Peter doesn't think anything of the nickname until he does, at which point he rolls backwards and lands on his knees, breathless and slightly red. "What did you just say?"

Loki grins. "I might not have known who Bowser is but, since the whole invasion ordeal, I've spent enough time with Thor to learn some things from his frequent rambling about the Avengers."

"And?" Peter raises an eyebrow, his heart hoping that he'd been included in those tales but his head telling him Loki had probably seen his mask lying around or something.

"You fall under that title in his books, young spider."

Peter beams, his eyes positivity radiating joy and gratitude. "Thanks, Lord Loki!" he says and, without even thinking about it, he springs to his feet and wraps his arms around Loki, his face pressed to the not-so-surprisingly silky, green material.

"Oh, we're hugging now?" Loki asks, but not unkindly, awkwardly pacing his arms around the excited teen and trying not to let his smile through; it'd been a while since he'd been hugged and, if he was honest - which he rarely is - he'd missed the feeling.

Peter pulls away with a red face and wide eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't even think- I hope you don't mind hugs? Uh..."

"Untangle your anxious webs, young spider, I have nothing against embraces."

Loki smiles and Peter can feel his face heat up in a mixture of bashfulness, relief, and some kind of honour he can't quite decipher.

"You know, I definitely prefer Spiderman over Bowser."

"Really?" Peter's voice is at least two notches too high.

"Webs are so much better than stolen fireballs... His fireballs are not even nearly as impressive as mine anyway."

"Thank you!" Peter grins. "I prefer yours too..."

"May I inform you that the Avengers will be back in no more than three minutes?" FRIDAY alerts them, sounding way more amused than and an AI should ever be able to sound.

Peter hums in acknowledgement then grins and turns to Loki. "I have an idea."

"And I have a sceptre," Loki says, basically already having agreed to whatever Peter can ask.

Which is why, two minutes and forty seconds later, Tony walks in and abruptly stops, causing Steve and Bruce to crash into him and Thor to barrel into them, resulting in four stumbling men and a very exasperated Natasha and Clint.

"What on Earth?" Clint asks as they see Peter standing on the table with Loki's sceptre glowing in his hands.

"That's where you're mistaken, Mister Barton, the world in question is Asgard, not Earth." Peter has to fight with himself to avoid letting his amusement leak into his words. He ends up scowling at the Avengers, internally apologising but outwardly positioning himself to appear as angry as he possibly can.

"Is that Loki's?" Thor asks, frowning.

"It was," Peter corrects, smirking.

Tony narrows his eyes but it's not hard to tell he's just super worried rather than actually irked. "Pete, where did you get that?"

"And why are you on the table?" Steve asks. "Get down, you're going to hurt yourself."

Fleetingly glancing at Loki, who gives him a surreptitious thumbs up, Peter shrugs. "I got bored of waiting and decided to explore my options."

"Explore your options?" Natasha repeats blankly. "Out of everything you could have done, you chose to attack the Avengers with trickster's sceptre?"

Schooling his features into an expression of condescending scorn, Peter nods. "I am, after all, more than worthy of such a weapon."

That happens to be Loki's cue to clear his throat, effectively diverting their attention to where he's sat in the corner, wrapped up in webs. As they turn to him, he grimaces. "I wasn't aware you'd adopted someone worse than myself."

"Loki?" Thor's voice rises an octave as he glances at the same man who'd unleashed the tesseract supposedly defeated by a teenager with a radioactive spider bite and perhaps too much time on his hands.

"Well, obviously, moron. Aren't you going to, I don't know, kill him or something?" Loki asks, gesturing to Peter with his head.

Sharing a quick, confused but decisive look with Clint, Natasha steps forward. "Kid, I think we need to talk."

Peter shakes his head. "I think we need to stop talking and start giving me all the… Actually, we didn't plan this far so I guess we can just stop and leave it at that."

There's a moment where everybody opens their mouths to argue but finds themselves too shocked to say anything before Loki stands and walks towards Peter, brushing the webs away as he does, and Peter jumps off the table, standing in front of Loki so nobody shoots him in their confusion.

"What in the name of shawarma?" Tony exclaims finally, never having walking into something so strange.

"No, you iron idiot, it's called magic and theatrics." Loki smiles and, to everyone's utter bewilderment, ruffles Peter's hair.

"Did you guys finish an entire game of Mario?" Clint asks incredulously, obviously the first to notice the image of Bowser's bones on their television.

"No-"

"Yes-"

Peter and Loki glance at each other, trading glares that hold no malice whatsoever.

"You know what, this isn't even the craziest thing I've seen Peter do." Steve shakes his head and anyone who didn't know better would have cooed at the fondness in his voice.

Loki, sensing the tension in the air, coughs. "I'm no longer here to tear you all apart if that's what you're worried about."

Thor beams at him, moving forward to embrace him and totally forgetting about Peter, who gets trapped in the middle of them. Everyone watches as he protests quietly and manages to stick an arm out of the brothers' affectionate barrier, his head soon following as he dramatically crawls out to the side. Loki's remorseful and slightly irritated apology is muffled by Thor's unwanted but nonetheless comforting, congratulatory hug, which gives the rest of them a reason to laugh, except Tony who's quick to pull Peter away from the two Gods lest he gets squashed or injured in any way.

None of the Avengers can relax completely, which is only to be expected considering their history with Loki, but the anxiety in the room fades to negligible after a little while, the gang either retreating to their respective rooms to freshen up before they return or grabbing a snack and slowly accumulating in the living room, eventually being roped in to a game of Mario Kart by Peter, who's figured out exactly how to tick them all off enough to ensure their exasperation leads to them joining in to prove a point or using their annoyance as an excuse to succumb to their intrinsic desires of playing and winning a competative video time. Ultimately, when they're all squashed onto the sofa or the beanbags, personal space long dismissed, either actively controlling the characters with hilarious expressions of concentration or cheering each other on, their way of playing is a whole new experience and Peter has never felt so at home with them.

All in all, even though Peter wasn't prepared for such an eventful day - not that anyone can ever be prepared to fake a hostage situation with a God - he's more than glad to have been thrown into it. More often than not, he decides, strange parts of life are better encountered with an open mind instead of a meticulous itinerary that leaves no room for spontaneous craziness. He might technically be a superhero but, at the end of the day, he is also a teenager...

like/reblog but don’t repost, thanks!

#marvel #fanfic #fanfiction #peter parker #spiderman #loki #Thor #tony stark #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #clint barton #avengers family #protective avengers #fluff #humor #peter & loki #mcu #my writing #serendipity #thor and loki #the avengers #oneshot

[isolavirtuosa]

Cass & Dean’s Infinite Playlist 1-5

[fanfiction] Dean/Castiel

Canon Compliant Coda

The one where Dean makes a lot of mixtapes.

Parts 1-5/26 under the cut.  Referenced songs playlist on Spotify.

- 1 -

  As the last strains of High Voltage faded out, I reached over to the cassette player and hit ‘eject’, ready for something different.  I eased Baby into the shoulder out of habit, and started rifling through my cassette collection.  Something out of place caught my eye, and I pulled the tape out, squinting at it.

Deans top 13 Zepp TRAXX

I ran my thumb over the lettering, the prayer escaping my lips before I was even aware of what I was doing.  “Cass…”

He was just suddenly there beside me.  “Hello, Dean,” he said, his expression… soft?  Was he actually… smiling?

“Cass?” I repeated, completely thrown off.

“Yes,” he agreed.

“You’re… here.”

“Yes.”

I stared at him.

He stared back, still smiling.

“Where the hell have you been?” I finally mumbled, looking away.  The last time I’d seen him was in the storage room of the bunker after he pushed me away and disappeared into the Empty.

“I’m sorry, Dean, I was waiting for your prayer.  I didn’t want to intrude.”

There was a lot to unpack in that.  “It’s not an intrusion,” I grumbled, elbowing him.  “And I prayed to you every night on earth after you…  I prayed every night.”

“I know,” he said, his tone taking on a regretful tinge.  “I would have come to you if I could have.”

I shrugged, fingers still running over the mixtape.

“I couldn’t hear your prayers in the Empty,” he explained, head tilted as he tried to peer up at me.

“Kinda figured that,” I said, avoiding his gaze.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?” I asked, letting my gaze flick to him.

Blue eyes sucked me in.  “You’re being avoidant,” he said.  “Anyway, when Jack pulled me out of the Empty, my vessel was destroyed-”

“Uhh,” I said, looking his trench-coated frame up and down.

“It was a whole thing, Dean.”

“A whole thing?” I repeated with a snort.

“Yes, the entire universe almost ceased to exist, but anyway, Jack was finally able to recreate my vessel,” he explained without actually explaining anything.  “Unfortunately, you were already gone by that time.”

“Gone, right,” I said, huffing out a laugh.

The light seemed to go out of Cass’s eyes, and he reached his hand out, resting it heavily on my shoulder.  “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there,” he said quietly.  “I reached out to you when I could, and I thought you felt me, but…”

I thought of all those nights I stumbled into my bed, not quite drunk so I wouldn’t worry Sammy, hugging Miracle to my chest and mumbling stupid prayers into his fur, saying things like, “Cass, if you’re out there, please…?”

And sometimes I would hear a sound that made me think of the fluttering of wings, and I would feel a warmth like the hand currently pressed to my shoulder.  Those nights I would fall right to sleep, no tossing and turning, no nightmares, and I would wake up feeling… okay.

“Yeah, I…” I trailed off, then shrugged his hand away as I moved to press the tape I’d been holding into the cassette deck.  The familiar sound of Jimmy Page’s guitar filled the car.

Cass seemed like he wanted to say something.

“I wanna drive,” I told him, moving to put the car back in gear.

“We are in a car,” he said slowly, like he was puzzling out a riddle.

“Perfect,” I said, pulling back onto the road.

What was it Cass had said before?

You’re being avoidant.

I fixed my eyes on the road, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel.

We were usually good at comfortable silence, but there was something lying between us unspoken, straining the silence into something awkward.

So I started singing.

The tension seemed to drain, and I could feel Cass smiling again.  Then he shocked the hell out of me and started to sing along with me.

Anyone who had ever talked about someone having the ‘voice of an angel’ had clearly never heard an actual angel sing.  Cass was mostly tone deaf, though he could occasionally find the melody.

That didn’t really matter to me, though.  We sang as loudly as we wanted, smiling and laughing, and I knew I had my best friend back, like nothing had changed.

Like I wasn’t dead, and he wasn’t the leader of heaven, and he hadn’t said all those things that he said before he went away.

Nothing had changed.

It was my car, and I could be as avoidant as I wanted to.

We were on our second rendition of Immigrant Song when Cass’s voice faded out and he tilted his head, eyes squinted in concentration.

“Dean, I have to go,” he finally said.

“Duty calls,” I said with a shrug.

“Yes,” he agreed.  “But if you find yourself in need of a passenger again, you know how to reach me.”

And then he was gone, before I could get a word out, much less give him his tape back.  So I left it in the deck and sang by myself.

 - 2 -

  Cass didn’t always come immediately when I called.  Sometimes he would appear hours later, looking disheveled.

“Work,” he would explain.

“Tough bein’ the boss,” I’d agree, then I’d go back to driving.

Today we were listening to Metallica.

“It’s a little… loud…” Cass decided.

“Yeah, man, that’s what metal is,” I said, nodding my head to the music.

“But I can’t really hear the words…”

“You a lyrics guy, Cass?”

“Yes, definitely,” he said with a nod.  “I’ve always appreciated the work of poets.”

“Well James Hetfield is a hell of a poet,” I informed him.

Cass squinted, like that would help him hear the music better.

“You wanna borrow a tape?” I offered.  “Listen to it with your headphones?”

“Will that make it less loud?” he asked.

I laughed, shaking my head.  “You sound like an old grandpa.”

“Well, Jack has created many angels, so I would say technically-”

“Uh-uh, no way, that doesn’t count,” I protested, mostly because I didn’t want to be a grandpa, either.

“Could you…?” he started to say, then hesitated.

“What?” I asked, smacking his arm.  “Speak up.”

“Could you… maybe… make me another mixed tape?” he asked, almost shyly.

“Sure,” I said agreeably.

“It’s not too much trouble?”

“Oh, well, you know, I’ll try and fit it into my busy schedule of doing nothing all day.”

“I am being serious, you don’t have to go out of your way-”

“I want to, Cass,” I interrupted him.

“Oh,” he said.  “Thank you.”

“You like mixtapes that much?”

“Well I only have the one,” he said.  “But I treasure it.”

“Is that why you left it in my car?” I teased him.

“Dean, you know why I left it in your car.”

“Do I?” I hummed.

“Dean,” he said, in that way of his that somehow imbued deep yet unfathomable meaning into a single syllable as he stared right inside of me like I was made of glass.

“Yeah, yeah, you wanted me to call,” I said, waving it off.  “You know, you could have just come here yourself directly instead of playing phone tag.”

“I didn’t want to-”

“-intrude, yeah, you said that,” I interrupted him, rolling my eyes.  “Cass, you’re not an intrusion, you’re family.”

His head tilted and his lips parted.  He hesitated.  “I wasn’t sure if that was still true?”

I took my eyes off the road and looked him fully in the eye.  “Don’t be stupid,” I said, then fixed my eyes forward again.

Cass breathed out a little huff of a laugh.  “Okay, Dean, I will try not to be.”

“Family’s family,” I grumbled at him.

“I know,” he said softly.  “It was just… a very long time before you called.”

We were both quiet, the sound of Cliff Burton’s Orion bass line filling the Impala.

“How long have I been dead?” I asked suddenly.

“Years,” Cass replied, a slight catch to his voice.

“Just feels like a few weeks to me,” I said.  “I’m sorry, man, I didn’t realize…”

“I know,” he said again, and he did know.  “I just got… impatient.”

I grinned at that, taking a hand off the wheel to squeeze his shoulder.  “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

Cass breathed in sharply at the touch, and it was like a jolt of electricity passed between us.

I patted his arm as a means to quickly reclaim my hand without seeming like I was quickly reclaiming my hand.  I placed it firmly back on the wheel.  “So, what do you want on your mixtape?”

He looked at me for a long while.  You’re being avoidant, his eyes informed me.

“Your favorite Metallica songs,” he finally said.  “Like on the Zepp Traxx mixed tape.  I can feel your soul clearly through each song.”

“My soul?” I snorted.

“Music is very powerful,” he stated seriously.

“Really, Cass, my soul?”

“Yes, really,” he said, his nose scrunching up like I was offending him with my disbelief.  “Every song told a story about you and your history, about your parents, about Sam…”

“Uh, they’re just songs,” I said, wondering how it was that dead guys could blush.  “Really friggin’ awesome songs, but just songs.”

“No, a mixed tape is definitely the sacred sharing of your soul,” he said with a shake of his head.

“I’m sorry, do you keep saying ‘mixed tape’?” I asked, desperate for a subject change.

“Yes.”

“Okay, but it’s just mix, Cass,” I informed him.  “Mixtape.”

“That’s what I said.  Mixed tape.”

“Mixtape.”

“Dean,” he growled at me, and I didn’t know if he was annoyed at me for pointing out his mistake, his inability to understand his mistake, his understanding that I was trying to distract him so we didn’t have to talk about real things, or a combination of all three.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said.  “One soulful mixtape coming up.”

It took a while to curate the right songs.  A mixtape couldn’t be rushed.

Okay, so maybe Cass wasn’t so completely off with his chick flick mumbo jumbo.

I tried to have a new tape for him every time he appeared in my passenger seat.

His smile always took over his face as he reached out to accept the latest one, teeth flashing and eyes crinkling in a way that just made it seem like all was right with the world.

 - 3 -

  “This is not your car.”

“Correct,” I said, glancing up from the TV and grinning at Cass.  “You’re just in time.”

“Hey, Cass,” Sam said, giving him a pained look.

“Sam,” he said, smiling warmly at my brother.

“Get out while you can,” Sam whispered.

Cass’s head tilted to the side.

“Come on, Sammy, you love Clint Eastwood.”

“No, Dean, that’s you.”

“Everyone loves Clint Eastwood.”

“Is some kind of romantic entanglement happening?” Cass asked, looking thoroughly confused.

“We’re watching a movie,” I explained, patting the empty couch cushion between me and Sam.

Cass sat down gingerly, like he thought the couch might explode.

“We’ve already watched two,” Sam said, making a face.

“And now Cass is here, so we’re all gonna watch another one.”

“Oh my god, you are so uncool with your old ass cowboy movies,” Sam groaned.

“Uh, that’s not true,” I said, looking at him incredulously.  “I am extremely cool, I have excellent taste, and you like Titanic.”

“Who ever said that I like Titanic?!” Sam demanded.

I just stared at him knowingly.

“Dude, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” he grumbled, looking away and fixing his eyes back on the TV.  “You’re the one who likes Winslet’s rack.”

“I don’t know what either of you are talking about,” Cass offered in a weirdly upbeat voice.

“Have some popcorn,” I suggested, taking the bowl off the side table and passing it to him.

“I do not mind if I do,” he said, accepting it.

“Okay, everyone ready?” I asked, getting excited.

Sam groaned like a drama queen, and Cass started stuffing his mouth with popcorn, so I took that for a ‘yes’ and started up The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

I immediately got lost in the story, mouthing along with the words.

Sometimes I would catch Cass watching me instead of the screen, an amused look on his face.  I would elbow him sharply and redirect him to the very important action happening on the screen.

Sam fell asleep.

As the credits started to roll, I gave Cass a devious smile and nodded my head towards my sleeping brother.

He squinted at me.

I got up and snuck over to the fridge, pulling out some whipped cream.  Sam had his right arm sprawled out at his side, his hand palm up in such an inviting and welcoming gesture.

Cass tilted his head to the side.

I flashed him a grin, then sprayed the whipped cream into Sam’s open palm.

“What are you-?” he tried to ask, but I silenced him with a finger to my lips.

“Tickle his nose,” I whispered.

“…what?”

“Tickle.  His.  Nose.”

“Dean, I-”

“Do it,” I coaxed him.

So he did.

Sam immediately reached up to scratch his nose, smearing whipped cream all over his face and waking up with a start.

I doubled over laughing.

“What…?” Sam mumbled confused.

I laughed harder.

“Dean, that was very childish,” Cass said, shaking his head but with a fond smile.

“Did you…?” Sam groaned, starting to come fully awake.

I grinned at him, waving the can of whipped cream.

There was no hesitation as Sam suddenly leapt up from the couch and tackled me to the ground.

The air knocked out of me momentarily before I remembered that I didn’t actually have lungs, and then I was struggling to keep my face away from his whipped cream-covered hand, holding his forearm desperately with both hands.

“Come on, Dean, you know you want some,” Sam taunted me as he hulked over me.

“Nah, Sammy, that’s all for you,” I grunted, watching as his hand got closer and closer.

It was a futile effort, and Sam gleefully smeared my face with whipped cream.

I groaned, flopping back on the ground in defeat.  There was whipped cream in my eyelashes.

Sam sat up, laughing triumphantly.

“You know, Cass is the one who scratched your nose,” I pointed out, glaring at the whipped cream-free angel hovering over us.

“I’m sure he didn’t know what you were up to,” Sam said, but he glanced towards Cass.

“Actually, Sam, I did have an inkling of what Dean was up to,” Cass answered honestly.

Sam looked at me.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

Sam glanced at Cass again, but this time his sight line was lower.

I nodded.

We both moved at the same instant, Sam grabbing Cass’s legs, and me scooping up the can of whipped cream from the floor and spraying it all over his face.

Cass looked incredulous.

I reached over and scooped some whipped cream from his nose with my finger, taking a taste.  “We got ourselves some angel pie.”

Sam snorted, letting go of Cass’s legs and standing up beside me.

Slowly Cass’s incredulous look melted away, his nose scrunching up and his eyes crinkling in a full-out laugh.

I found myself staring.

“You both are children,” Cass decided, still smiling happily.

And suddenly I was a teenager, and Sam was a pre-teen, and that was weird.

Cass snapped his fingers, clean and put together again.  “I have to get back to work, but this has been mildly amusing,” he said.  “Stay out of trouble, you two,” he said, laughing like that was a funny joke.

Sam and I exchanged baffled looks.  I had to admit, though, that I liked looking down on my shrimpy brother.

Then Cass was gone, and I found myself shifting back to my usual form of 30-something Dean, with Sam towering over me.

“He is such a weird little man,” I said, spraying some whipped cream in my mouth.

“Says the biggest weirdo of them all,” Sam muttered, wiping his face off on his shirt.

“How am I weird?!” I cried.

Sam just gave me one of his Sam Looks, and I rolled my eyes.

I started cleaning up the living room, occasionally taking another hit from the whipped cream.

“So was there a special reason for this movie marathon torture session?” Sam asked, straightening up the throw pillows.

“Uh, does there need to be a special reason to watch the greatest movie trilogy of all time?”

“Dean, you’ve made me watch them a million times.”

“So what’s a million times more?” I asked with a shrug.  “Besides, I wanted Cass to watch The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.”

“Okay, so why did I have to be here for that?”

“No reason,” I said, making a big deal of picking up the spilled popcorn from the floor.

“Oh, no, Dean, you’re not being cagey at all.”

“‘Cagey’?” I repeated, throwing my hands up at the ridiculousness of the accusation.  “Who’s being cagey?”

He gave me another Sam Look.  “Do you not want to be alone with Cass for some reason?”

“What?” I said, like that was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard.  “We’re alone in my car all the time.”

Sam shrugged, but he was still giving me that fucking look.

I decided to ignore him and finished cleaning up.

 - 4 -

  “Ah, we’re back to your car.”

“Just wanted to hit the road,” I said, eyes fixed forward.  “Figured you might not mind co-piloting.”

“Yes, that supposition was correct,” Cass said, leaning back more comfortably into the passenger seat and loosening his tie.  He’d been doing weird things like that lately; acting more human.

I cleared my throat.

Those warm eyes flicked to me.  “How are you, Dean?  It’s been a while.”

“Same old, same old,” I said.  “Hey, I’ve got something for you in the glove box,” I continued, already reaching over and pulling it open.  My fingers settled around the tape, and I passed it to Cass.

“Thank you,” he said, his touch lingering as he took the tape from me.  “I’ve been enjoying the Creedence Clearwater Revival Ultimate Mixx very much.  Fortunate Son, it’s very… interesting.”

“Yeah, I noticed you liked that one,” I said, remembering the way his brow furrowed with confusion as he asked, ‘who exactly is this ‘fortunate’ ‘son’?’, misusing air quotes like usual.

“Bowie?” Cass asked, squinting at the tape.

“David Bowie,” I explained.

“Oh, yes, the star man,” he mused, still looking at the tape.

I reached over again to close the glove box, only to have a couple of tapes come flying out.

Cass leaned over to pick them up.  “Dean and Sam’s Awesome Road Trip?” he read.  “Wayward Son, Ocean Daughter…”

“Yeah, uh, I kinda… those are for Sam and my mom,” I said.

“You made them mixtapes?”

“Mm, you… inspired me, you know?” I said, keeping my eyes fixed forward.  “I mean, I know mixtapes are kinda our thing, but…”

“I think that’s lovely,” Cass said, carefully returning the tapes to the glove box.  His hand hesitated for a moment.  “So they’re not just one band…?”

“Nah, it’s more… songs that make me think of them?  Or like songs we have memories about?”

Cass was still hesitating.  “Could we… could we listen to the Sam tape?  If it’s not too intrusive, I mean.”

“What is with you and worrying about being intrusive?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“It just seems like a very personal thing, Dean, and I don’t want to overstep,” he said, already taking his hand away from the tape.

“It’s fine, Cass,” I said, reaching over and pulling out the tape.  This time I shut the glove box properly.

“You don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind,” I said, pushing the tape into the cassette deck.  “You’re family, Cass.”  I was glad he didn’t ask to listen to my mom’s tape, though.  Mom and I had gotten thirty seconds into Simple Man and both done this very awkward ‘crying but not crying’ thing with tears streaming down our faces.  By the time we got to Hey, Jude I had to pull the car over.

Sam’s mix was not that kind of tape.

“I never meant to be so bad to you.  One thing I said that I would never do.  A look from you and I would fall from grace.  And it would wipe the smile right from my face,” came the opening lines from Asia.

“It was the heaaaaat of the mooomeeent!” I sang along cheerfully.

“This song reminds you of Sam?” Cass asked, genuinely confused.

I turned to him, grinning.  “He gets so angry every time he hears it.”

“So you thought you would include it on tape that you listen to together?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“That does sound like you.”

I laughed.  “I guess this is the song that played every morning when Gabe trapped us in the Mystery Spot where I kept dying and Sam had to keep reliving the day over and over.”

“Dean, that sounds very traumatic for Sam.”

“Nah, it’s hilarious.”

“Okay, well, please do not put songs that make me think of you dying on my mixtapes.”

“Do you even have songs like that?” I asked.  I didn’t really know what he listened to when I wasn’t around that would take him in that direction.

“I… I don’t know,” he said, sounding thoughtful.  “I guess sometimes the poets’ lyrics make me think of you, and I… I don’t like those kinds of songs.”

“You don’t like songs that make you think of me?”

“I don’t like songs that make me think of you dying.”

“Well I am dead, Cass.”

His unhappiness was radiating off of him in waves.

I kept my eyes on the road, but I reached over my hand, letting it rest at the back of his neck.  “Hey, man, come on.  You know we all need a little gallows humor sometimes.”

“We most certainly do not.”

I let him sulk for a while, rubbing the back of his neck until he finally started to relax.

“I thought you did not like these kinds of hair bands,” he finally commented.

“I like them occasionally,” I said, taking my hand back and turning the volume up.  “On a steeeeel horse I riiiide,” I sang along to Bon Jovi.

“…Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Are there songs that make you think of me?” he asked.

I thought about it.  “I dunno, I mean, we just started this whole carpool karaoke thing in heaven, so most of the songs I associate with you are from that.”

“What about the lyrics?”

“You mean like a song that has lyrics that make me think of you?”

“Yes.”

I thought about it, and without thinking enough to put a filter between my brain and my mouth, I said, “I’ll Be There.”

“I’ll Be There?” Cass repeated.

I wondered if I just didn’t answer if we could drop the whole subject.

“Who sings it?”

“No one.”

“Oh, is it an instrumental song?”

I didn’t answer.

“Dean, you are making this very mysterious,” he said.  “Do you have it on one of your tapes?  Maybe we could listen-”

“No.”

I was pretty sure Cass was pouting, but I definitely wasn’t going to look to check.

“Then I’ll pop down to Earth-”

“No.”

“Am I not allowed to listen to it?”

“Correct.”

“But-”

“Forget I said anything.”

“How am I supposed to forget something so important?”

“It’s not important at all!”

“It’s important to me.”

“No.”

“You are being infuriating.”

“Good.”

“It is certainly not good, Dean.”

I shrugged, slouching more comfortably in my seat and returning to my mixtape.  “I was a little too tall, could've used a few pounds.  Tight pants, points hardly renowned…”

“Your singing has lost its charm,” Cass told me moodily.

“She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes,” I continued to sing.  “And points all her own, sitting way up high.”

He frowned at me, but by the time I hit the chorus he was rolling his eyes and letting a little half-smile tug at the corner of his mouth.

 - 5 -

  I thought I made it out of that one, but the next time Cass appeared in my passenger seat, he was grinning from ear to ear.

“You get laid or something?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What?” he asked, his nose scrunching up.  “No, of course not.”

I shrugged.  “What did you think of Bowie?”

“Oh, Dean, I really enjoyed him,” he said, nodding enthusiastically.  “The one with the space explorer, it was just… I didn’t really understand it, but I could feel it.”

Space explorer… astronaut… Major Tom?  I always had to do mental gymnastics to figure out what the hell Cass was talking about.  “Space Oddity?” I asked.

“Yes, yes, that was the name,” he said.  “It really told a story, didn’t it?”

“It’s a classic,” I agreed.

“Speaking of classics,” he said, going back to that dopily happy smile of his.  “The Jackson 5.”

I took my eyes off of the road to glare at him.

“Pretty classic, right?” he said, and he looked so fucking happy that I couldn’t even continue being a dick to him.

“Yep,” I said, pointedly looking away.

“I really connected with the words the prepubescent boy was singing,” he said, practically glowing as he spoke.  “You… Dean, you know me so well.  That song.  It’s exactly how I feel.”

“Come on, man, it wasn’t that deep,” I said, shifting uncomfortably.  “It’s just a cheesy bubblegum kiddie song.”

“Not to me,” Cass said, shaking his head.  “Not to us.”

“Cass, don’t get all sappy on me,” I grumbled.  “I thought you were starting to develop pretty good taste in music.”

“You’re the one who recommended the song.”

“I didn’t recommend it!  I just said it…” I trailed off and mumbled, “…makes me think of you.”

“You know if you call my name, I will be there,” he pointed out to me.

“Well, you are an angel, so it’s kind of your job to answer prayers and all that,” I muttered, wishing he would just drop the subject.

“I do not personally answer most prayers addressed to me,” he said.  “Unless they are yours.”

“You answer Sam sometimes.”

“Yes, well, he’s family, so sometimes I feel obligated,” Cass agreed, “but if you both prayed to me at the same time, I would definitely ignore him and answer you.”

I turned to look at him, and he gave me a surprisingly shit-eating grin.

“Don’t ignore my brother,” I told him, trying not to smile back.

“But I don’t like him as much as I like you,” he said, giving me a nose-crinkling smile.

“You’re an angel, Cass, you’re not supposed to play favorites,” I scolded him, looking away quickly.

“Too late for that,” he said cheerfully.  “Unless you think I should confess my love to Sam next?”

I swallowed.

“Dean.”

My mouth felt dry.

“I was joking.”

I still didn’t know what to say.

“Dean, are we still not talking about it?” Cass asked, and he sounded weary.

“…talking about what…?” I finally spoke.

I could feel him glaring at me.  “It is insulting when you do that, you know.”

“Do what?” I complained.

“You know exactly what we are talking about Dean, and pretending that you do not belittles my feelings.”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair.  “I’m not trying to… I mean it’s not like…” I trailed off uncertainly.

“I love you, Dean,” he said, soft but assured.

“I know,” I answered quietly.

“Good.  That’s all I ask.”

“…you don’t mind that you just got Han Solo’d?” I asked, trying to make things light again.

“It’s kind of nice, actually.”

“You are so weird…”

“You realize this is the first time you’ve directly acknowledged my feelings?” he pointed out.

“It’s… not…” I tried to protest, but of course he was right.

We didn’t talk about feelings.

“Do not make me hide how I feel, Dean,” he said quietly.  “That is all I am asking.”

“You don’t have to hide, Cass,” I said.  “That’s my M.O.”

“I wish you would not hide, either.”

“Can’t get everything you want.”

“No, you cannot,” he agreed.

I turned up the volume and kept driving.

#fanfiction #isola cass & dean's infinite playlist #deancas