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festivalsofmargot · 1 year

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Pretty Thoughts {Sebastian Sallow x GN!Reader}

Introduction: Sebastian is down bad for you, my dear reader. But a lot of overthinking on your part makes you blind to it. So, his only option is to keep chasing after you. Takes place after MC meets Anne and before Seb’s final mission. Your Hogwarts house is up to you.

Word Count: ~2700

Warnings: Kissing, Teen Angst

Author’s Note: This is an (un)official Part 2 to Pining in Potions Class. I like writing one shots that could go together if you’d like, but you definitely don’t need to read any other stories to know what’s going on. I love the idea of a clingy Sebastian. Teens finding their first love can feel amazing but they also don’t know how to act. All they know is they want to be with that person at all times.

Songs (if interested):

Kill the Director - The Wombats

Whatever You Like - Single Version - Anya Marina Cover

Wallpaper - Matt Watson

How Long - TALK

You had found Sebastian around you a lot more lately, not that you minded. You enjoyed it, actually. But at the same time, it kept you on edge. Though you hadn’t known the Slytherin for long, this behavior seemed very out of the ordinary for him. When you were first getting to know him, he would be brief and to the point with you, then he was off. He was always prioritizing practicing new spells in the undercroft or going over every book he could get his hands on from the restricted section.

At first, you thought maybe he had a falling out with Ominis, but then you saw them walking into the dining hall seemingly fine with each other. And then, you made yourself paranoid it had something to do with Anne’s health. But to your relief, he updated you on something funny she wrote in her latest letter to him.

Your early conversations mainly consisted of discussing the things he had found in Salazar Slytherin’s spell book, but that was only a small portion of the time these days. More often than not, the two of you weren’t saying anything at all. He was just there with you. Whether it be studying, laying in the grass and basking in the sun, or sitting with you at breakfast going over some last minute homework.

He was getting dangerously close to you lately too. He might not have thought anything of it. But you on the other hand? Your mind went reeling. Every time you were together, he would do something simple that made your stomach dance with butterflies. He’d brush your fingers with his, lay his head on your lap while you laid in the grass, and touch his shoulder against yours whenever you sat together in the dining hall.

It was your final class of the day, and you were barely paying attention, your mind thinking back on those light touches you and Sebastian shared. Looking up from your notes to sneak a glance at him, you found he was already staring back at you. The both of you quickly averted your eyes.

With Professor Hecat’s dismissal, all the students made their way out of the classroom. Sebastian caught up to your side.

“Have to cancel our library session. I need to meet with Ominis. Can I still try to see you later?” He looked at you with hopeful eyes, as if he needed you to confirm he could, in fact, see you later.

“O-Of course, Sebastian. I’ll probably be in the library for the rest of the night if you need me.”

He gave you a small smile and nod of his head. He took a few steps backwards to leave, keeping his eyes on you a moment longer, then he turned and went on his way.

Rubbing at your eyes, you were relieved to be nearly done with all of your homework. It was the weekend now, you didn’t need to worry about finishing it all that night, but Sebastian hadn’t come to see you yet. So you stayed a bit longer than anticipated. It was getting late and everyone was gone except for you and Madam Scribner at her desk at the library entrance.

You’d feel bad if Sebastian showed up and you weren’t there to at least tell him you were done and heading to bed. But if you were too tired, you were too tired. Sebastian wouldn’t be crushed if he turned up and you were gone... right?

You shook the thought from your head and rubbed at your blushing cheeks with the back of your hand. Sebastian doesn’t feel that way about you, he needs to focus on helping his sister. If he wants anything more, he’ll tell you. But then you began thinking about all his small touches again, pulling yourself back into the fantasy.

Shaking the thoughts from your head, you knew you needed a distraction. You decided to get up from your table and explore the shelves for another book. Nothing education related, there had to be something in this humungous library that was just meant for enjoyment. Some fictional story to take your mind off of everything.

Aha! You believed you found just the book. You couldn’t quite tell from the cover, but the title was “My Beloved”. That sounded like a romance novel, right? Plucking the book from the shelf and running your hands across its bindings, you made your way back to your table. Not wanting to sit thanks to the lingering nerves, you opened up the book to a random page and read it over to see if your prediction on the content was correct.

You found it was a romance that took place in a small village. Before you knew it, you were engrossed in the story, picturing yourself and Sebastian as the main characters who were in love. You slowly placed both of your hands on the table, leaning on them as you kept reading, forgetting you could sit back down. It’d really come to this, you were so head over heels for him you were picturing the two of you in a romance novel. A dreamy sigh escaped your lips.

“What are you reading?” Sebastian asked, coming up to your side. Your attention snapped to him. He chuckled at your startled expression and very red complexion. “Uh oh, catch you reading something interesting, did I?”

"Um...”, You started, but couldn’t think of anything to say. Your mind was still recovering from the romantic scenarios you were just picturing the two of you in.

Shaking your head and avoiding his gaze, Sebastian took this to mean you were upset with him. His heart sank. “I’m sorry it took me so long. Ominis and I decided to try a new spell and it took us forever to figure out. I was so focused on getting it right, I lost track of time. You’re not leaving soon, are you?”

You gave a small wave of your hand, dismissing his apology. “It’s alright, Sebastian. I got caught up here and... well, lost track of time myself.” You slid the book away from him, slowly closing it, hoping you didn’t look suspicious.

But, of course, Sebastian thought you looked suspicious. He raised a questioning brow at you and glanced at the book.

“What?” You asked innocently, turning away from him and looking down at the romance novel, firing off ideas in your head of how you’d put it away without him figuring out what it was.

“That book you got there. Why are you acting so secretive? Did I catch you reading something interesting after all?” Sebastian got closer, leaning one hand on the table next to the book and peering at it over your shoulder. His chest pressing up against your back. There he went again, giving you the slightest touch and driving you mad. The scent of his cologne filled your nostrils, intoxicating you. In that moment, you were tempted to yank him close and bury your face in his neck.

He turned his head to look at you for an answer, but you couldn’t get yourself to look back. He was so close, his lips were so close. You could make out his freckles out of the corner of your eye, feel his breath against your skin. Did he know what kind of effect he had on you? Was he teasing you? Your lips were moving to speak but no words would come out.

He gave you a playful nudge with his shoulder, prodding you to answer him. “Come on, it can’t be that bad, can it?”

And it wasn’t that bad, at most he would tease you for reading a romance novel. What was holding you back at this point was how nervous Sebastian was making you. As if you weren’t tense enough, he took it a step further and placed both of his hands on either side of you on the table, trapping you in. He rested his chin on your shoulder, taking another peek at the book.

“I never realized how much taller I am than you.” He chuckled, chest humming against your back. Keeping you in place, his callused hands grabbed yours to remove them from covering the title of the book. He held your hands in his while he read it over, then he gave a quiet, amused hum.

You turned in his arms and he lifted his head off your shoulder to meet your gaze. He smiled at you, but it faded when he saw your face.

“What’s wrong?”

Finally facing him, even with how close he was, your desire took over your reason. And, just for a moment, you allowed yourself to be selfish. “You make me nervous, Sebastian.” You told him in a low tone.

He didn’t think you looked nervous at all. Something was written on your features but he certainly wouldn’t call it ‘nervous’. Your eyes were dark and you licked at your lips. It was brief but it caught his eye, seeing a quick glimpse of your tongue made his head race with all sorts of thoughts.

You too glanced at his lips, not caring if it was obvious what was on your mind.

Seeing your eyes shamelessly stare at his mouth, he froze. He was afraid if he made one wrong move, you’d run. He had wanted to kiss you for a while now, and right then it looked like you wanted to kiss him too.

Then you did, and his heart went rapid. He had been convinced you could feel it when your hands moved up along his chest until one snaked around his shoulders and the other rested on his neck. His hands left their place on the table to grab your waist, pulling you closer, holding you in place. His warmth enveloped you.

You pulled away to kiss at Sebastian’s neck and his knees went weak. You kissed around the area you pictured he sprayed his cologne. You took an inhale and breathed out, “I always loved this scent on you.” You kissed at the area one more time, sending a pleasant tickling sensation up the back of his neck. His fingers dug deeper into your waist.

You go back to kissing his lips, which were softer than you had imagined. The way he earnestly moved his mouth against yours ignited sparks in your chest. You had wanted him so badly, and you finally had him there in your arms, on the tip of your tongue, for the taking. One of your hands moved to his hair and you reveled in the feeling of his locks between your fingers.

But the abrupt sound of heels walking along a marble floor slowed your kiss to a halt. Madam Scribner. The two of you were so swept up in the moment you completely forgot other people existed (faculty that Sebastian does not have a good reputation with included).

The two of you left each other’s embrace just as Scribner came into view. Sebastian, hair slightly askew, gave a cough and acted like he was looking over some important papers which were actually your homework pages for a class he didn’t have. All the while, you had managed to open up the romance novel, nodding your head as if you were learning some new herbology methods.

Madam Scribner eyed the two of you while she put away a few books. “Getting late, best finish up before curfew.” And then she was gone, returning to her desk.

You and Sebastian looked at each other, cheeks flushed, and grinning from ear to ear. You bit at your lip and he rubbed the back of his neck. Clearing your throat, you started gathering up your homework and books.

Sebastian watched with an ache to pull you back in and keep kissing you senseless.

“I-I’m sorry I did that. That was selfish of me.” You stammered, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asked, returning to your side, thinking through anything he could have done to make you feel this way. You had helped him through so much, if anything he thought he was the selfish one. You came in as a new fifth year with seemingly endless catching up to do and you had to learn how to wield ancient magic on top of that. Yet, he was unabashed in asking for your help countless times, anything to steal you away for himself.

“Well I-I know how busy you are with your research for Anne and I’d hate to be the one who slowed you down just because I-.” You went quiet, unable to finish the sentence, fingers fumbling to organize the papers in your hands.

“Just because you... what?” He urged on.

“Merlin, Sebastian. Do I need to spell it out for you?” You exhaled, leaving to go put away the books you borrowed, him following close in pursuit.

“Please do.”

“As I said,” You sighed. “You make me... nervous.”

“In a good way or bad way?”

Putting the last of the books away, you turned to face him again. “Good, I suppose.” You confessed, barely above a whisper, unable to meet his gaze.

He tried to bite back the giddy smile forming on his lips. “I make you nervous in a good way.” He repeated back, almost sounding proud.

You nodded your head, looking down at your twiddling thumbs, listening out if he would say how he felt about you.

Sebastian glanced over to Madam Scribner, who made it not so subtle she was keeping an eye on the two of you. “We should start heading to our rooms now, I suppose. Curfew and all.”

Your heart dropped, he didn’t say a thing about reciprocating your feelings. Not even a simple “I feel the same.” He must have only been swept up in the moment, enjoying the attention. Perhaps teenage hormones could make kissing enticing no matter who you were with? Embarrassment filled your every limb and you wanted to run and hide. You gathered your things to go.

“Um, yes. You’re right. We should be going.”

“I’ll walk you.”

“No, that’s alright. At this point, I’m asleep on my feet and you must be exhausted too. I’ll just floo and go straight to bed.”

Your rejection took him aback. “Oh. Well, alright then. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

“Maybe. I’ve got some assignments outside of the castle, might not have time.”

“Well, let me come along to help.” He offered eagerly.

“Don’t worry yourself, just send me an owl if something comes up for Anne. Sleep well, Sebastian.”

Before he could say anything more, you sped off to the library floo, and then you were gone. He was baffled at your sudden shift, everything was going so well. The two of you kissed and you had confirmed you felt the same as he did. He couldn’t believe he could make someone like you nervous. Hearing you say how you felt about him made him so happy he could burst. But then you were rushing to leave, rejecting his offer to help again. He didn’t think he said anything wrong, he barely said anything at all. Yet off you went, like you couldn’t get away fast enough.

He groaned in frustration as he made his way to his room. He had managed to kiss you and he still felt as distant as ever from you. He had never had the courage to outright tell you how he felt, so he would constantly toe the line with his touches. The brushing fingers, laying his head on your lap, sitting as close as he could to you in the dining hall, and now a kiss, all of which you seemed to welcome.

Sebastian laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling, going back and forth in his head what your actions tonight meant. You had waited in the library for him all that time, you initiated the kiss, said you liked - no - loved his cologne, told him he made you nervous in a good way, and then you wanted nothing more to do with him. He replayed the whole night and he couldn’t pin down where he went wrong.

He’d have to find you first thing in the morning, before you could leave.

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow fanfiction #sebastian sallow fluff #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow x you #sebastian sallow angst

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kohabielnin · 2 months

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Valentine Day Headcanons

I know it took me a while to do this, as classes make it a little difficult for me, this is another gift for someone very special to me, the @kaval0 💕

Norton Campbell

• Incredible as it may seem, he remembered the date and was prepared days before as he saw the children arranging things to give gifts to those they like,

• Everyone in the mansion was surprised when he handed you a flower and chocolates,

• Naib stole some chocolates just to tease Norton, as usual,

• His embarrassed look when he handed you the chocolates was really cute,

• Both Melly, Frederick and Alice wondered if he was actually sick,

• In general, no one in the mansion expected Norton to give you chocolates

Ronald of Ness

• He closed the theater so he could have time with just you,

• I always saw this skin as one of Norton's most romantic skins because he's an actor,

• This man is not very good at cooking, so the one who helped him with everything was Lady Truth,

• He compares you all the time to flowers, especially roses,

• For a whole day, you can wear his hat and mask,

• He called Mr. Inference to boast that he had company on Valentine's Day...

Naib Subedar

• You two ate the chocolates together, it was cute according to witnesses,

• He worked hard to make the chocolates and even harder not to eat them 💕

• Norton played little a with Naib, but he didn't care and ignored Norton,

• He was a little shy when it came to handing over the chocolate, as he had never done it before,

• Eli helped him have the courage to go talk to you and Brooke watched so Naib didn't give up halfway,

• Spending Valentine's Day with him was definitely a lot of fun

Morningstar

• He made his servants make a feast just for you,

• He just loves spoiling you, whether it's a holiday or just a regular day,

• There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't say he loves you out of fear of losing you,

• He made you a crown similar to his as a gift,

• He himself searched the entire kingdom for the most beautiful rose so he could give it to you,

• In general, Morningstar is a sweet, beautiful, perfect and sweetheart

Orpheus

• This man simply wrote the most romantic poem you've ever seen in your life, along with flowers and chocolate,

• Guess who had a pinky in the middle of one of the letters you received? Exactly, Little Girl,

• You two had a great day together,

• He took the day to listen to you talk about the books you like while giving your opinion about them too,

• He is very good with words, so sometimes he would say something or other to embarrass you, like a compliment in French that he learned from Frederick,

• There was no shortage of tea and cookies in the afternoon for you two

Bonus due to our zap/discord ship in which I am Frederick

Frederick Kreiburg

• Ok... you woke up hearing him playing your favorite song on the piano,

• If you ask him about this, you will only hear: "I feel like playing this song", with an indifferent pose as always,

• On the coffee table, there is a plate with some strawberries covered in chocolate and a handmade letter from him,

• He has a slight difficulty being romantic, but his small acts show that he cares a lot about you,

• He won't mind spending the day playing the piano for you if you wish,

• If you don't want him to spend the day playing the piano for you, he won't mind taking you somewhere relaxing with few people

#identity v x reader #naib subedar x reader #norton campbell x reader #ithaqua morningstar #ithaqua x reader #orpheus idv x reader #norton campbell ronald of ness

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appleblueberry-pie · 24 days

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OOOHHHH, OKAY HERE MY REQUEST FOR YANDERE MILE MORALES SCENARIO! I imagine him being the type of guy to break into the reader's locker and leave a CD(the song is probably cheesy like Radiohead-creep) while leaving a sticky note like “I really, really, like you. And I wanna get to know you more, can you meet at [insert abandoned building here] ❣️”~secret admirer (*cough* it's Miles *cough*) This freaks the reader out, cuz they've been dealing with this bs for 3 months and the authorities can't do shit, can I request the reader confronting their “secret admirer”? 🥺

N/A: I hope you heard me evilly laugh when I first read this. Boutta spill all of my delusions on this. Also i've never written worse luck than the reader had in this one.

Be Mine? Yes or No.

It's about ten minutes before first period begins and you've already spent five of them rereading the 20th love letter you've received over the course of a few months. You felt the hairs on the back of your neck rise as you continue to find more and more things to worry about in this letter. You'd think that this person would stop pestering you, but they really weren't. At all whatsoever. The same little sweet names they'd compliment you with. The same main idea they had in the previous note continuing into the next one. This has been happening over and over.

And it was so, so sweet when this fiasco first started. When you first opened your locker and it was placed so nicely in the center as if someone carefully placed it there. It was definitely spritzed with some kind of cologne, because no scent from someone just rubs off onto a letter like that. The beautiful envelope it was put in, the paper on the inside. The neat handwriting that was clearly practiced just to put some love onto the paper for you to hopefully absorb. And it worked the first three times, but it just kept getting weirder from there.

The way they wrote to you was extremely genuine, something that was hard to find in relationships nowadays. It really made you want to meet this person. They mixed in casual sweet names in Spanish into the writing in a way that wasn't hard for you to understand at all. They definitely had a crush on you. But then they began mentioning you in ways that seemed to make you borderline uncomfortable. Mentioning your beautiful hair, your eyes, your lips, the way you spoke, how you smelled. How they'd watch you and your friends in the park. Slipping in a few mentions of you walking to and from a corner store nobody in your school but you knew about.

They would write about how they could help you with specific classes that they knew you were struggling with. What foods they theorized you don't like(they were right), your type of man and how they fit that exact description, if not, more. How he knows he's the one you'd want and need. How the two of you are meant to be, he'd love you the way you need to be loved and he cant wait to actually meet you. How he'd bring you to the address of your favorite breakfast spot that no one should know about and he'd buy you that plate you always wanted to get that you couldn't afford. How he'd spoil you and-

All of this tension he built up on his own, which was all fueled by his own delusions, drew you to the conclusion that this nigga needed to be put in his place. You wanted a boyfriend. Not a fucking perverted stalker. Whoever this was, he was taking it too far, and was ultimately scaring you. It took you fifteen of these letters for you to realize that he wasn't actually slipping the letter into the locker between the cracks, but he was putting in the real code of your lock to properly unlock it. How he found it out, you have no idea. You didn't know what this guy was capable of and didn't know if he'd hurt you if you said no. But it had to be done somehow or he'd take shit too far and kidnap you or some crazy shit like that.

None of the school officials would help you because they're pieces of shit. Your friends tell you to bag him like dumbasses, and what the fuck are your parents gonna do? Yell at the dean and stand by your locker all day to wait for the guy?? You were all alone in this. So the most reasonable thing you came up with is to bluntly write to him to meet you after school at the park you and your friends go to often since he knows the spot already.

And quite literally the day after, you sat at the bench at the park after school, and he showed up.

You remember being so damn scared. What if he was big and burly and angry? What if he was one of the popular boys and would record the entire interaction? What if he follows you back home? What does he plan to do once you try to tell him off? You shouldn't have done this. The setting sun wasn't comforting you. The abandoned playground that usually was bustling with squealing kids was just making you more nervous. It was silent and cold today, but your mind just wouldn't shut up. Suddenly, the school uniform you wore wasn't as comfortable and you clutched your backpack closer to your body.

The wind blew gently on your bare knees and you heard someone call out your name. You flinched and felt your heart drop and turned to see the source of the voice, hoping for the worst. There was a boy sitting on a bench right next to yours. He was staring at you. It made you feel....unsettled and something else you couldn't put your finger on. To calm yourself, you listed his characteristics in his head. He was....reasonably attractive. Light brown eyes. Sculpted face. A light Spanish accent to his voice exactly how you'd imagine. Neat braids on his head. But something about his aura messed with you. He wasn't as good as he portrayed himself to be. You didn't want to speak and watched him stand from his spot to sit next to you on your bench. You clutched your bag to your chest as you watched him try to calmly approach you without making you too nervous.

With nervous eyes on him, he sits down next to you, letting a small smile grace his lips. "Hey, ma...how you doin'?" He sounded like he was trying to lure a scared dog into his arms. But it was awkward because he was trying to act normal with his dream girl and it was an actual human being and not a dog. "....fine." You respond. He scratches his nape and averted his eyes for a quick second. He really wanted to know why you wanted to talk to him. You gave no context within your letter, and it was a blessing, nonetheless. You actually responded to him. He predicted that he wouldn't get one for another good three weeks to two months almost. But this must be serious. He prepared himself for all possible scenarios that this could end up being.

"So....why'd you want to meet all of a sudden? It's getting late and I don't want you going home in the dark, you know?" You nod and take a deep breath, scared as fuck for how this could end. "Yeah.....so....I just wanted to tell you that I just- I don't want to be with you." It felt like you had to pull the words out of your throat for him to hear. You saw his face drop and decided to explain before he did anything else. "Like....I don't know you. I just realized that. You know so much about me and about my friends and the places I go to. I don't know a damn thing- Are you stalking me??" You turn to face him and stare into his wide eyes. He almost seemed as if he was caught doing some weird shit. And it was weird.

The silence started to make you angry when you realized he probably has been following you all this time. He shakes his head and sits up. "No...no, I haven't been stalking you at all, ma, I promise. I never want to make you uncomfortable, ever. Where are you getting that?" Oh, so now he's gaslighting you. If you brought all of his envelopes to this meeting, you would've dumped all of the evidence on his lap. You roll your eyes, grab your bag, and stand to leave. He stands at the same time as you when he sees you're trying to leave and stands in your way. "Wait, wait, wait, that's it? You not gon' give me a chance?" "A chance? Nigga, you lost your chance when you started being weird and fucking acting like you wasn't being weird this entire time!"

It was hard to get mad at you or reason with you. You were too pretty to get mad at even when you were nearly yelling in his face. And he had no logical reason to behave the way he was behaving, either. So, he might lose you unless he does something risky. And to risk your trust and love is something he doesn't want on the line.

You watch him watch you leave and he picks up his bag as well. The street lights turn on once it gets dark enough and Miles interrupts you walking away. "I'm not letting you walk home in the dark, Y/n." You flinch at his voice and growl a groan in fuming anger. An older lady passes the both of you and praises the mystery boy for being such a good gentleman and how 'there needs to be more of you out on these streets'. You almost slapped the fuck out of her for even hyping him up. He gives her a beautiful smile and tells her to get home safe, while walking you in the direction of your home.

He turns back to you and almost laughs at the face you're making. "I wonder how your mom would feel about you going home in the dark." "Mind yo fucking business." He happily leaves it there, continuing to walk with you down the street. Maybe this way, he can have more than one excuse to continue walking you home from now on. "Ion even know yo name." You mutter under your breath and Miles smiles at you. "My name is Miles. Great to finally meet you in person, Mami." You scoff and gladly let him scroll on his phone. You tried to speed ahead of him in hopes he'd stay at his slower pace, but he always caught up to you. You inwardly groan, knowing he'd probably make it to your door before you get rid of him.

"Glad to know the name of the person who's been stalking me. Now I can report you officially." You smirk at him and he gives one right back. "Just a name won't cut it, ma." "I got photos." "Where?" He hands you your phone back and you snatch it, realizing he was scrolling on your phone the whole time AND deleted your photo evidence. Before you can shove him into the street for a car to run him over, your mom bursts the door open and eyes the boy next to you. "Girl, you finally brought someone home with you." You didn't even realize you were on your street, better yet, your house. And your mom liked him already??

Your face dropped as you approached the front door. "No, no, no, it's not like that-" "What's your name, sweetie?" Miles steps up to the door and holds out his hand for her to shake, a beaming smile on his face. "My name is Miles Morales, ma'am." She shakes his hand before scrunching her eyebrows. " 'Morales'? You know Rio??" "That's my mamá, right there." Horrifying, how quickly a new relationship between the two bloomed right before your eyes as they continued to converse.

How are you going to get out of this? Your stalker is making great friends with your mom, no one can help because he deleted the evidence, and you would soon find out the next morning at school that your locker was clean of envelopes as well. Nothing was working in your favor and you realized that there was no way to escape. He included himself into your life so easily, when you wanted him out, out, out. You hated this shit, but he seemed to love it, sending you a look of appreciation as you both stepped into your abode.

Miles was so grateful for having you as a part of his life. The stars aligned and allowed you both a chance at beauty and growth. He wouldn't let this opportunity waste away like he had done many times in the past. You were his chance at redemption for all of the things he had done and the things that he planned to do later on. You were finally his.

#miles morales #earth 42 miles morales x reader #earth 42 #earth 42 miles x reader #42 miles #yandere earth 42 miles morales x reader #yandere earth 42 miles morales #yandere miles morales #yandere atsv #yandere atsv x reader #yandere miles x reader #yandere miles morales x reader

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lonelywhalien22 · 4 months

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ten seconds to midnight

pairing: jungkook x gn reader

rating/genre: second chance, fluff + sprinkle of angst or angst + sprinkle of fluff idk lol

summary: it's new year’s eve and you see your ex jungkook again for the first time since you broke up with him.

warnings: time and location are abstract af in this fic so don’t try to piece together distances or a timeline from anything in this; I wrote it in a more poetic fashion – it’s just a *vibe* if you will lol

word count: 4.6k

song(s) to listen to while reading: tis the damn season by taylor swift, ruin by shawn mendes, new year’s day by taylor swift

note: cleaned this up to share while I edit my next longfic – this is something sweet with a sprinkle of midnight angst. if you happen to enjoy this fic you’ll probably like what I have coming next so stay tuned. happy new year’s everyone and i’ll see you all next year <3

Two years.

It had been two years since you and Jungkook had seen each other for the first time in that art history class – had studied together, hung out together, and eventually dated.

Six months.

It had been six months since you'd left suddenly. Unexpectedly.

Six months since those words were flung like daggers between the two of you, as if you’d been in a competition to see who could hurt the other more – who could prove they were less attached than the other was. Pretending as if all of those late nights, whispered confessions, soothing touches, and sweet kisses had meant nothing.

As if in some sort of war, the two of you had thrown, burned, abandoned, and trashed every last remnant of your relationship, overcompensating to try and prove that none of the feelings were real, that the vulnerability was all a lie, and that you'd actually been keeping your shields up all along.

It's the reason you moved further away than you'd originally planned after you graduated - why you’d signed on to the extra work at your job, the extra responsibilities…you’d even gotten a new phone number, claiming you wanted a completely fresh start.

It's the reason why your brief visit home during the holidays this year just wasn’t the same. Why Jungkook didn’t stop by with the rest of his family to drop off gifts or send cards. Why you no longer saw him at the store he always used to frequent at a specific time, the two of you in charge of picking up whatever your respective families had forgotten for Christmas dinner.

It seemed like you and Jungkook had finally succeeded in creating an irreparable chasm between the two of you.

So instead, you spent your short visit home for the holidays nervously traversing the town that still held memories of him. You pushed your cart through the local grocery store in a near state of paranoia, drove around town with the windows up, let others in the house open the door when you got the usual holiday greetings from family and friends.

You didn't miss him, you told yourself.

Even as you chose to go to his mom's favorite grocery store, or mindlessly drove by some of your old spots from when you two had been together - eagerly looked out the window of your old childhood bedroom whenever you heard the doorbell ring.

You didn't miss him.

Now it was New Year’s Eve, and you currently found yourself outside on a fire escape in the chilly night air, high above a city you were still getting to know, at a party you didn't want to be at, terrified to go back inside.

How exactly had that happened?

Let’s take a few steps back.

The New Year’s Eve party was one put together by some old friends from college you’d reconnected with in the area.

None of them felt particularly close, but after spending last New Year’s Eve alone in your tiny studio apartment guzzling down an entire bottle of champagne and falling asleep before the ball had even dropped, you figured you’d try getting out and doing something in the city you were trying to call home for once.

As you walked into the crowded party space, you immediately scouted out the food and beverages area - your trusty diversion ever since you’d been to your first party as an underclassman in college, terribly shy and fearful of large crowds. You could still remember the moment you’d spotted Jungkook from afar for the very first time in a cramped living room all those years ago - laughing with his friends in a corner, his eyes on you for the tiniest of milliseconds before he went back to sipping whatever was in his red solo cup. It was his hands you’d noticed first, the handful of tiny tattoos scattered across his knuckles. You’d been so surprised when he’d said hello to you in a class one semester later, even more so when he’d smiled easily as he admitted to remembering you, the mural of tattoos on his right hand having spread, two new ones on his index finger and another near his wrist.

Back in the present, you grabbed a few cookies and some water, slowly sipping on your beverage of choice as you resolved yourself to silently watching the party from a distance. You were here – that was progress enough wasn’t it?

"Y/n?" you heard someone shout your name eagerly.

You were surprised since you didn't think you knew anyone at this party all that well, but the friendliness of the voice made you perk up.

Turning your head in the direction of the voice, you recognized the owner as an old friend from back home.

"Changkyun?" you exclaimed, shocked.

You hadn’t seen him in forever. He was so tall and almost athletic in his build now, that you almost didn’t recognize him.

"Hey! Wow, long time no see!" he smiled and immediately pulled you in for a hug. It nearly squeezed the surprise right out of you.

You two began a conversation and caught up, laughing over old memories and how much you’d each changed since last seeing the other before he interjected quickly.

"Now that I think about it, pretty sure I saw someone else you know around here..." he pondered out loud, scanning the crowd before he spotted who he was looking for.

"Oh yeah, Jungkook is here. Hey JK!" you heard Changkyun quickly shout across the crowd towards the center of the room.

Before you could even fully register the name of your ex you glanced over to where your friend was calling, instantly spotting the back of a familiar head of hair, though it was longer than you remembered, the ends curling slightly from the length.

“J-Jungkook..." you repeated quietly, eyes widening as your brain registered what was happening.

"You good?" Changkyun asked, noticing the change in your expression. "Oh shit, wait - you two were together at some point weren’t you? Did I -"

The rest of his words evaporated into nothing but muffled noise as you watched the head of your ex swivel around, searching for the source of the voice that had called his name. He was still as mesmerizing as ever - those big brown eyes and soft lips. His hair fell into his eyes as he turned, and it made your view of him both painfully nostalgic and exhilarating all at once.

He was gorgeous. Just like you remembered.

You stood frozen, eyes wide in admiration, until Jungkook’s gaze singled in on you and broke you out of your trance. Quickly his eyebrows furrowed in confusion before they lifted up softly upon recognizing you. You watched as he mouthed your name, as if he was asking himself whether or not it was really you. But it was all muddled within seconds as you realized your vision was beginning to blur. Your throat dried up and your head began to pound, and finally you realized you were about to cry.

For some inexplicable reason, you were upset.

"Damnit," you muttered to yourself, looking down, a tear slipping down your cheek against your will.

"Y/n, are you ok?" you heard Changkyun ask beside you, but you only shook your head quickly.

"I…I gotta go," you barely managed to choke out before turning away and pushing through the crowd as fast as you could. You quickly reached the front door and tumbled out, searching for the elevator before instead opting to take the stairs rather than risk standing around for any longer.

After wandering around aimlessly for a couple floors you came upon a shaky fire escape entrance and yanked open the doors, cool air slapping your face like a tide in a storm. It brought goosebumps to your skin - the chill of the night breeze, the cool steel grates that scraped against your thighs as you sat down, the hard brick of the wall against your back, but still - you found yourself grateful for the getaway.

You shimmied to the side so you couldn’t be seen from the glass door entrance and tried to make yourself comfortable in the space that remained, your legs slipping into a makeshift crisscross position. It was ridiculously cramped, and probably not at all safe, but at least it was quiet. The isolation gave you a chance to work through some of your thoughts without interruptions from annoyingly drunk partygoers.

"Why did I come here," you whispered to yourself, frustrated.

You knew how much you hated parties, and yet you'd gone anyways, only to find yourself in the very situation you’d been fearing since the holidays had come upon you – trapped with him just steps away and nowhere to run or hide.

You were terrified to face all the damage you’d left behind in your breakup with Jungkook - the stuffed closet full of baggage and hastily thrown together lies that you knew would all come tumbling down if you ever saw him again.

If you were being honest, you'd been running from this very scenario ever since you’d broken up with him. Because somehow, after all this time, he still wouldn't leave your head - his smile, the sound of his laugh, the way he could be incredibly cute but could also make you completely flustered at the flip of a switch.

The way he’d felt like a best friend, a confidante, and a lover all at the same time. How he’d made you feel so loved in a way only he could.

You had searched for that same feeling in others, from the occasional coworker to the random blind date, but no matter how hard you tried you couldn't get yourself to fall out of love with him. And deep down, you think you always knew it. You'd be lying if you said there wasn't some part of you that saw a piece of him in everything you did and everywhere you went. You just couldn't lie to yourself anymore – not after seeing how you'd reacted from just seconds of seeing him in person again.

You took a few deep breaths, staring out at the lights and bustle of the city as your finger trailed longingly up and down one of the steel bars that separated you from the open air. Funny how the rest of the world just continued to go on, even when it felt like your little corner of it was being shaken to no end like a snow globe in a child’s hands.

But watching all the cars and pedestrians below carrying on with their lives – it also helped you put your worries into perspective - helped you keep calm.

Suddenly, your thoughts were interrupted by the cracking open of the fire escape door.

Please don't be a couple, please don’t be a couple, you thought to yourself. The last thing you needed were some handsy lovebirds interrupting your ruminations and reminding you of your own failures in the relationship department.

"Y/n?" you heard someone whisper softly. "Y/n, you out there?"

You’d recognize that voice anywhere - warm and soothing when it was singing along to a song on the radio, smooth and sweet like caramel when it was directed towards you, and immediately your body tensed.

The voice continued to call your name again and again, and you could hear his footsteps shuffling around closer and closer to you in the dark. Folding into yourself and squeezing your eyes shut, you prayed he didn’t notice you, or maybe he’d think you were some stranger - turn around and leave you out here all alone like you thought you wanted.

The footsteps continued until you heard the door open one last time, someone mumbling something too far away for you to hear before banging it shut again. You figured he didn't see you, deciding to look elsewhere, and your shoulders relaxed again.

"Didn't think I’d see you here," you suddenly heard loud and clear.

"Fuck," you shouted, too spooked to really think about it before your reflexes kicked in and you jumped, quickly turning towards the voice. "I thought I was alone out h-"

As soon as you looked up you saw that it was your ex. He stood feet away, one hand still lingering on the fire escape entrance.

"Jungkook."

You mumbled his name, aggravated as he raised a brow at your rare curse.

Quickly, you angled yourself back towards the view of the skyline, shaking your head profusely as you attempted to make him go away.

"I don't wanna see you."

"Believe me, this wasn't really how I pictured spending my night either," he retorted, and you couldn’t even lie - the words felt like a cold knife straight to your heart.

He took just one tiny step forward, hand falling from the rusted metal handle of the door.

"I couldn't just let you go off crying though."

"I wasn't crying," you spat out. It was your roughest voice yet, but Jungkook didn’t even flinch.

"You're still shit at lying," he said with a smirk instead. "We may not be together anymore, but I can still recognize the face you make when you're about to cry."

You wished he’d elaborate so you could practice never making that face again, but he just stood still, glancing back through the window. It both annoyed the heck out of you and made your heart flutter, knowing he could still read you like that.

He took another few steps towards you. Like a giant, his stature towered over you as he continued to stand, his feet careful not to step on your fingers.

"Anyways, you left this," he suddenly said, a chunk of metal entering your view. It was your phone.

How that happened, you had no idea. You must have placed it on a nearby table as you ate, distracted by you conversation with Changkyun. You grabbed it swiftly, careful not to touch his hand in any way, but you still couldn’t help but notice the decorative ink that now danced all over his fingers, the way his skin reddened in the cold.

Did he notice you still used the phone case he’d bought you for your birthday?

"Thanks," you told him curtly instead, avoiding his gaze.

You kept quiet, expecting him to finally go away now that he’d returned your phone but instead the silence lingered, Jungkook’s feet shuffling awkwardly.

“Come back inside Y/n,” he said, tone gentle, the edges of his jawline softening.

“Why?”

Jungkook looked down, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Changkyun’s worried about you,” he mumbled eventually. “…and besides, it’s dangerous - sitting out here all alone like that.”

“I’ll be fine. No need to worry about me.”

You could feel his frustration brewing as he looked at you in silent incredulity, a cloudy huff leaving his lips in the night air before you felt him sit right down beside you. His denim-clad knee scraped yours just faintly as he settled into a comfortable position. Together the two of you took up nearly all the space on the tiny ledge.

"You want a drink?" Jungkook offered coolly, a cup of red liquid seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

It was tempting, but you hesitated. After all, you weren’t looking to get inebriated while on a shaky fire escape with your ex nearby to bear witness to some sort of embarrassing, drunken confession of longing. You generally preferred to stay sober anyways.

"It's just cranberry juice,” he told you, as if he could read your mind. “They have a bunch of it to mix with the cocktails."

Fuck.

Not only did he remember how much you hated alcohol, but also that cranberry juice was your favorite?

"You're the only person I've ever met who drinks that stuff," he used to always joke.

Back in the present, you took the cup from his hands, finally looking at him to search his face briefly, but his expression gave nothing away. You took a sip to busy yourself.

A blanket of silence fell between you. It wasn’t awkward or even necessarily tense, but it didn't feel like it was truly quiet either. Instead, it was more like there were a bunch of unsaid words bouncing around between the two of you, trying but failing to break out.

"What're you thinking about?" Jungkook asked innocently, looking down at one of his hands before focusing back on the view of the city skyline.

"Nothing," you shook your head tersely, only to hear the tiniest of hums escape his lips out of disbelief.

"So you're outside all alone, staring at the sky in the freezing cold and nothing's wrong? You sure about that?"

You closed your eyes, more and more memories rushing back to you – like the times Jungkook used to find you alone out on the campus green, just sitting with the palm of your hand pressed against your cheek, pouting as you stared at some point in the clouds. Or how he used to poke you on the nose whenever you laid your head in his lap and stared into space, that same pensive look on your face. His words were always the same every single time.

"What're you thinking about?"

It was beginning to drive you crazy the more you thought about it – how, even after all this time apart, he was still able to pick up on little things like that.

And it made you feel even crazier when you thought about the fact that you still remembered those little things about him too.

Trying to keep yourself from becoming any more affected by his words, you tried a slightly more aggressive approach.

"Well maybe I would be fine if I was actually alone."

But he only turned to face you at that remark, another deep sigh escaping his lips.

"Y/n/n.." he used your nickname this time, and he sounded regretful, like your words had actually stung. "Look, I just wanna make sure you're ok."

"I'm am ok," you said back harshly.

Another bout of silence fell between you at that – this one like a cascade of bricks instead of a gentle blanket.

"Why are you acting like I'm the one who did you wrong?" Jungkook piped up, exasperation inching into his voice.

"Last time I checked, I told you I wanted to be left alone."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about,” he said, undeterred by your attempt to change the subject.

You didn’t respond immediately, not ready to talk about your breakup out in the open.

You weren’t sure you'd ever be ready.

"I told you I wanted to experience other places…" you started after a minute or so, quieter than expected. "You know I never wanted to stay so close to home."

"And I get that, but one week?" Jungkook asked incredulously. "How could you only tell me a week before you left? I thought I meant more to you than that."

You huffed out loud in frustration, unsure how to respond.

It was true - you did tell Jungkook about your big move only seven days before you left. You did it out of fear.

Because you were scared.

You and Jungkook had gotten so close after only two years, and you’d never felt that way about a person before - you’d never felt in love.

It scared you - especially when you thought that maybe you were just getting too attached, too quickly.

If there was one thing you hated, it was dependency. Needing someone else felt like an indefensible weakness, and you were afraid that being with him, needing him, would only hold you back.

All you’d wanted was some space to cool off and clear your head - evaluate how you felt from a distance in solitude, like you always did when you felt overwhelmed by your emotions. When you finally did tell Jungkook about the move, you were hoping you two would just dial things down a little - keep in touch remotely while you took some time to think about your life post-graduation.

But instead, the whole thing had turned into one big shouting match.

Hurtful words had been thrown like weapons on both sides, and by the time the dust had settled, you were driving hundreds of miles away.

You’d ignored his calls, deleted his texts, and even refused to listen to appeals from your mother, who still kept in touch with his family. Distancing yourself away from him had only made your worst fears become a reality, and in turn made it even easier to run away from it all rather than confront your fears head on.

Avoidance was the only way you knew how to approach things that were hard - uncomfortable.

And maybe that's why you were sitting here on this damn fire escape in the first place.

"I just wanted some space," you defended yourself.

"But so suddenly? Was there something I did wrong?" he asked you dejectedly.

You turned to look Jungkook in his eyes, and behind his seemingly calm face you could see real pain. You really had hurt him, and in that moment you wished you could tell him the truth – that he hadn't done anything wrong. He'd done everything right, but you just hadn't known how to deal with the intensity of your feelings.

"Did you really have to change your number? Pretend like I didn't even exist?" Jungkook spoke up again.

"That's not fair," you shook your head. "You really hurt me with your words when I finally did tell you."

"Because you broke my heart," he exclaimed, getting visibly upset. "You told me you never loved me - that all of those memories, all those moments we shared...” he looked down for a moment. “You said none of it mattered. That I’d ‘taken it the wrong way.’"

"I didn't mean any of that," you blurted out loud.

"That's what I told myself," Jungkook started, "but what was I supposed to think when you completely cut me out of your life?"

You sniffled silently, unable to come up with any more excuses.

Simply put, you’d both really hurt each other.

As you focused back on all the lights down below, legs beginning to cramp, you felt a curtain of warmth envelop your shoulders.

Jungkook had draped his denim jacket across your body. You couldn’t help but fixate on how the fabric was soft and worn, and it smelled just like him - that same combo of body wash and cologne that you still couldn’t erase from your memory.

"Are you two dating?" you heard him ask quietly.

"What?" you asked, confused before putting two and two together. "Me and Changkyun? No…"

The question took you aback. What did it matter to him anyways?

"I came alone and ran into him unexpectedly," you explained further. "Why are you here?"

"An old classmate invited me," he told you casually, contemplating his next words for a moment before continuing. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping that maybe I'd see you though..."

You felt your heartbeat quicken at the casual admission, but you didn’t have much time to think about what it meant as he smoothly moved on.

"What about you? I thought you hated parties."

You sighed, hesitant to be so honest but feeling a strange sense of courage regardless.

"Well normally I do, but last New Year’s just...wasn’t all that great," you started.

"How so?"

You took a deep breath before continuing, counting off the reasons on your fingers. "Well, I was alone. And it sucked. I didn't even make it to midnight before I just fell asleep. So I decided this year I'd try going out instead."

"And how's it going?" Jungkook asked, the tiniest hint of a twinkle in his eye. “Tonight, I mean.”

Was he flirting with you right now?

"Not sure yet…" you played along, "but I'm still awake so that's a plus."

Again you sat quietly for a few minutes, neither of you making a move, not a single word shared between the two of you. This time the silence was comforting. You became hyper aware of his knee brushing against your own, and your insides felt so warm that suddenly the cold air didn’t faze you at all.

Maybe, just maybe…

Your quiet stalemate was interrupted when the fire escape door slammed open and the sound of drunken giggles grew louder and louder, a shaggy head of hair sticking itself outside to ogle at the two of you.

"Oh, shoot, looks like this one's taken babe," the random guy shouted in a slurred voice.

"Well hurry up and find somewhere else, I can't wait any loooonger," some poor girl whined, just as tipsy.

They disappeared as quickly as they came, the door shutting with a bang, and you and Jungkook couldn't help but burst out into laughter.

"Was their plan to screw each other on the balcony?" you heard him utter your exact thoughts aloud. Not so innocent memories crept into your mind for a split second before you squashed them.

He's still your ex, you reminded yourself.

"Not sure,” you said instead with a chuckle, “but it certainly looks like we’ve reached that point in the evening where I typically remove myself from the situation."

You pulled your phone out to check the time. "It's midnight,” you realized.

You two had been out there together for over half an hour.

"Guess that means it's time to go, huh?" you heard him ask.

"Yeah…"

Neither of you moved to get up though.

You weren’t expecting to still be with Jungkook at this point, and suddenly you were unsure of what to do. How did one say goodbye to an ex?

How did you say goodbye when you didn't want to?

"Y/n?" Jungkook said your name, pulling you out of your thoughts. You looked at him with bated breath, urging him to continue as fireworks began to go off in the distance.

"Um…" he stalled, clearly trying to find the right thing to say next.

Hating the silence, you improvised, taking off his jacket to give back. The warmth that previously enveloped you disappeared immediately, and it left you feeling strangely empty.

"Here, let me give you back your jacket before I forget."

"Oh…yeah, thanks," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

As he leaned over to grab it, you quickly kissed his cheek before backing away and looking down, brushing the hair out of your face.

"Sorry if that was weird," you started, "but I just…wanted to apologize. For everything I put you through back then."

To your surprise, Jungkook shifted a little closer to you, lips pulled into a soft smile as he shook his head. "You don't deserve all the blame. We both said things we shouldn't have, and I'm sorry too."

Butterflies burst free in your belly, and the fireworks that lit up the sky seemed to form a faint outline around Jungkook’s head as he stared at you, eyes boring into your own, keeping you frozen in place.

His hand slipped into yours lightly, and you looked at them for a split second, fingers intertwined in warmth as he spoke. Slowly but surely, you felt yourself drawn towards him in a familiar lure, like a moth to a flame.

Like a wanderer finding their way back home.

"Any chance we could just pretend like it's ten seconds to midnight again?" you asked shyly, and he instantly cracked the biggest smile you’d seen from him all night.

Jungkook said nothing, instead leaning in to kiss you gently.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jungkook x reader #bts fluff

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vster0769 · 7 months

Text

friends or something.

a little over 2k

Hey guys! So first time writing a hazel fic, thing, whatever you wanna call it.

Got the idea from a post I’ll attach somewhere.

About: you and hazel have been friends as long as you can remember, but neither of you have said anything about your feelings for each other. Unknowingly, you admit them and she overhears.

Band member!y/n loser best friend!hazel

unrequited love trope !no use of y/n!

Warnings: nothing really, just making out, wouldn’t call it angst, more fluff I guess, idk. Didn’t really know where to go with this one.

Tags: @berrydollie @deadgirlwalkingtaylorsversion @evdinspiration

………………………………………………………….

The halls are crowded as you push your way through to your next class. You sigh as Jeff and his posse of men-children shove their way through ahead of you. Shoving people to the side as they went.

You roll your eyes, adjusting the strap of your bag as you go.

You slide into your seat, resting your head on your palm and closing your eyes.

“Hey!”

You open your eyes and see hazel, eyes shining as she looks at you. Your stomach flutters as she smiles. Looking like literal fucking sunshine.

“Hey,” you smile back, nudging her shoulder with yours.

The two of you had been best friends for as long as you could remember. It seemed like you went everywhere with each other, your parents had been friends so you had practically grown up together. It seems like you had spent as many nights at her house as you had spent at your own.

“What’s up?” She asks, pulling her book from her bag, “you don’t look so great.” Her face turns from questioning to embarrassed. “Not that you don’t look great! I mean, like you always look great, I mean, uh-“

She looks down. Cheeks turning pink.

“Sorry, you just look a little out of it.”

You shake your head.

“I’m ok, just, well stressed to be honest.”

You pull out your respective books and thumb through the pages aimlessly. “We’ve got a gig tonight and it’s just, well the biggest one we’ve had yet.”

She nods, “well I’m sure you’re gonna be great.”

“Actually,” you say, meeting her gaze before glancing away. “I was, well I was wondering if you wanted to ask if you wanted to come.” Your face turns red, this is the closest you had ever gotten to asking her out. Sure, you’d had a crush on her since the seventh grade, and sure you’d told her that you liked girls on your sixteenth birthday after having too much to drink, but that’s as far as it went.

Her eyes widen and she opens her mouth, “oh-“ she says, looking away, “I would but, well I got something going on tonight.”

Your heart sinks. Well there goes that brilliant plan.

“No, no you’re all good.” You say, trying to give her a reassuring smile.

“I’m sorry, I totally would have.” She sounds genuinely sorry, your heart tightens.

You’re about to say something, but then the bell rings. You remark on how oddly short the classes are here at Emerson, before slipping in your headphones, giving hazel a small wave, and walking to your next class.

………………………………………………………….

This all started out small just you and a few friends, messing around in your moms garage.

It’s far from that now.

You look into the crowd of excited, screaming people, your heart racing as your fingers slam into the guitar strings.

The noise is deafening, like a thunderstorm encased in a bottle.

The third song ends and you break to guzzle a bottle of water. You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, before slinging your guitar behind you.

“Now we’re gonna be taking a few questions!” Shouts your friend, the lead singer. You hear a shout, a little louder than the rest, “HEY! WHO WAS THAT LAST ONE ABOUT?”

Your stomach does a flip and you clear your throat.

“Well actually, this song was by our guitarist, so we’re just gonna let her answer this one.” She says sending you a questioning look. She knew you wrote it, and knew it was about someone you cared about, but the matter of who, was still a mystery.

You clear your throat, stepping up to the mic.

“Well, uh I wrote this one a little while ago, and uh well it’s about someone who I really liked, honestly still do, um yeah.” You say awkwardly.

“WHO IS HE?”

Your eyes widen, head snapping around to find the voice in the crowd.

“Well who said anything about a he?”

You say with a smirk. The crowd screams as you step back, shouting, “ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!”

With that, your next song is on.

The rest of the night is a blur of bright lights, screaming people, and no breaks. You can’t seem to shake the question from your mind though, you knew exactly who it was about, you could never get her out of your head. Her ocean blue puppy dog eyes, her short brunette hair that looked too soft to touch, the way you could talk to her for hours and still not get bored.

………..………………………………………………

Hazel had never been one to procrastinate. She always had a plan. Always got her work done, always scheduled everything.

That’s why she was so frustrated as she stared at the blank word doc she’s had open for the last half hour.

She let out an angry sigh as she slammed the computer shut. Rubbing her palms in her eyes.

“What the fuck.” She breathes. She knew exactly why she couldn’t work. There was one person on her mind, it didn’t help that that person had asked her to go to her show and hazel had turned her down.

Feelings of guilt at not going, anger that she couldn’t get anything done, and, yes. She could admit it. Longing. Despite how hard she tried to deny it, she wanted to be there. Wanted to see her. More than anything she wanted to be by her.

For all of hazels calculated ways, she couldn’t seem to stay away from her. She made hazel feel things, really feel things. Uncertainty, sure there was that, but there was also a kind of comforting want. She made hazels stomach do backflips. Made her want things, for the first time in her life she really wanted someone.

Sure, she’d had crushes before, but those always went away. This was different.

She sat there for another minute before deciding.

fuck it.

”I’m heading out mom!” She yelled, running down the stairs. She heard a muffled response, but decided it wasn’t that important as she swung out the door.

………………………………………………………….

The room was crowded. Very crowded. And loud, really fucking loud.

Hazel made her way through the crowd, mumbling awkward apologies as she brushed by.

Then she saw you, fingers deftly moving across the strings, a look of pure joy on your face. Fuck she looks good. Hazel thought. Her heart thrumming against her chest.

A smile graced her lips as she watched you, and for a second she let herself fall into the fantasy, maybe just maybe, she could be something to you. Something more than just friends.

As the song finished, she cheered, loud as she could, eyes shining and watching you like you were a goddess.

Someone yelled as the crowd died down.

“HEY, WHOS THE LAST ONE ABOUT?”

She didn’t think much of it till the lead singer spoke up,

“Actually our guitarist wrote this one. So we’re just gonna let her answer this one.”

Her head snaps up, sure the song had been upbeat, but the words, well the words were sad. Longing. Wishing for something, someone unattainable.

“Well, uh I wrote this one a little while ago, and uh well it’s about someone who I really liked, honestly still do, um yeah

“WHO IS HE??”

“Who said anything about a guy?”

And with that they were at it again.

And all hazel could do was stand there. Unsure. Hopeful. Dazed if she was honest.

Part of her was sure there was no way, but another part simply wouldn’t let go of the idea.

What if…

………………………………………………………….

You let out a sigh of relief as you walked to the edge of the bar. Leaning your head on your forearms and taking a breath.

A mix of exhaustion and adrenaline mixed in your gut. Making you almost dizzy.

You feel a hand rest on your back, and look up,

“Hey,”

It’s your friend.

“Hey.”

It’s quiet for a moment.

“So uh, I wanted to talk to you about that song. I never pushed because, well it didn’t seem like something to push. But, y’know I’m curious. Who is that about?”

You look down.

fuck.

You meet her gaze before shaking your head.

“It’s, well.”

Swallow.

“Um, you know hazel-“

“OH MY GOD I KNEW IT!”

You motion for her to quiet down, but she doesn’t.

“I KNEW YOU HAD THE HOTS FOR HER! Oh my god, I fucking guessed. Hazel of all people.”

You shake your head.

Turning around, your eyes meet a pair of blue eyes so deep you could drown in them.

Hazel stood there, mouth slightly open, eyes wide, completely still.

Your stomach dropped about twelve stories.

The both of you stare at each other for a solid five seconds before you push past her. Heading for the door.

what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck-

You slam through the doors to the alley. Pressing your back into the cold brick.

Everything is fucked.

All you can think of is the look on her face.

she was mortified.

You bury your face in your hands.

Body shaking.

why wouldn’t she be? Fuck you wrote a fucking song about her and then confessed your love basically to her face.

“Hey!”

Hazel.

“Please,” you cut her off.

“Just let me explain, I well I didn’t know what I was saying, and I mean it’s ok if you don’t want to be friends anymore or whatever, I- I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

You stand there.

Quiet.

You look up.

All she does is stare at you.

After a minute, she speaks.

“You’re right.”

Your heart is pounding so hard you’re sure she can hear it.

“I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Your heart squeezes in your chest, a physical pain. Worse than anything before.

“I want to be so much more than that.”

Her voice breaks on the last words, and before you can think her hands are on your face and her lips against her.

You stand there a second, unsure if this is just a dream, a hallucination, some sort of sick joke, before kissing her back.

If this is a dream it’s the best fucking dream you’ve ever had.

Your lips slit together perfectly. She’s shy at first, moving slow and gentle. Your hands go to her waist, pulling her closer, simultaneously, you both breathe a sigh of relief. A weight falls off your chest, leaving you feeling lighter than ever.

“Fuck you don’t know how long I’ve wanted this,”

She breaths against your lips.

You don’t respond, just pull her face to yours. Opening your lips to deepen the kiss.

She lets out a shaky breath and slides her tongue along your bottom lip, begging for access, which you grant immediately. Her hands travel to your waist, guiding you to the wall and slamming you against it.

“Oh, shit sorry-“

“Don’t be.”

You smile and bring your hand to her hair, running your fingers through it. Just as soft as you’d imagined.

“fuck”

She breathes, pressing kisses along your cheek and below your jaw.

“Is this ok?”

She asks, lips hovering over the delicate skin of your neck.

You nod, “yeah, yes.”

“Ok.”

She paused a second before attaching her lips to your skin. Kissing and sucking. Leaving marks. She slides the strap of your tank off your shoulder, leaving gentle kisses before sucking, leaving yet another hicky.

“Fuck, hazel,”

You breathe,

“Yeah baby?”

You shake your head.

“Nothing, I just, I like to say your name.”

She smiles, cheeks reddening.

“Well I like hearing you say it.”

She kisses you again, soft and sweet, before pulling your strap back up.

“We should probably get back.”

You nod.

“We should talk about this,”

“We will. Tomorrow.”

“Ok.”

She grabs your hand, entwining her fingers in yours, and gazing at you like you were the most perfect thing in the world.

You smile back, fuck she was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.

With that you pushed through the doors, back into the noise, lights, and crowds of people.

But this time you had hazel.

And to be honest, that was the best thing that could happen.

#bottoms movie 2023 #hazel callahan x reader #hazel callahan #hazel callahan x you #bottoms spoilers #ruby cruz #bottoms 2023 #hazel bottoms #vster

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in-my-feels-probably · 10 months

Note

Paper Rings by taylor swift with sirius black

Paper Rings

Request: Paper Rings by taylor swift with sirius black

Hi! So sorry for the wait, I was in a bit of a writing slump, and then I was a little busy. I was just writing a fic before this request and it took me so damn long to finish it, but I finally did. Now I’m here! I love Paper Rings, it’s such a sweet song. Hopefully you can see the lyrics interpreted in what I wrote. Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy it :)

(Warnings: like one swear word, mentions of Sirius’s home life, insecurity, very brief underage drinking, let me know if i missed anything)

—

You truly met Sirius in the beginning of your Third Year.

You had known of him beforehand—even briefly chatted with him during classes and in passing—but you weren’t friends. Lily Evans was your friend, and Sirius was her friend. So, by extension, you two were…something.

You didn’t know each other well enough to consider yourselves friends.

You had always liked him, though. You thought he was charming, funny, and annoyingly beautiful. Maybe a bit loud, but it was also an endearing quality. He thought you were pretty, and bookish—not that that was a bad thing—and a little quiet compared to himself. But there was something about you that he liked, and he wanted to know more about you. He just didn’t know how to go about it.

That was until, in the middle of Third Year, you stumbled into each other’s lives.

Quite literally stumbled, to be technical about it. You were on a late night trip to Hogsmeade after dinner, Lily and a few other friends by your side. You had snuck out of the castle on a whim, Lily for once actually recommending you break the rules to have a little fun. You were walking past an alleyway when three boys came tumbling out of it, the one in the front accidentally knocking himself into you. You stumbled back on your feet, but you were steadied by a loose grip on your forearm.

You looked up to see who it was, eyes widening in shock. “Sirius? What are you doing?”

“These two are pissed,” he motioned back towards who you recognized to be James and Remus. “I’m taking them back to the castle before we get ourselves caught.”

What you didn’t know at the time was that the full moon would arrive in just a few days, and the boys knew about Remus’s condition. They skipped dinner to get a few things, and then decided to stay out so they could have a little fun before Remus would be out of commission for a few days. It was a story you’d be told later on in your relationship with Sirius, but as of this meeting, you just assumed they were looking to get into trouble.

And you wouldn’t be taken down with them.

“They’re a little loud, don’t you think? Do you plan on getting us all caught, or do you think you can manage getting them back to your dorms unharmed?”

Sirius grinned, raising a brow at your sharp but playful tone. “There’s already been a little bit of harm, actually. Prongs fell, and—”

“Prongs?” You asked, eying both the boys knees.

“James, I mean,” he corrected, motioning back to the flush cheeked boy who looked a solid minute from keeling over. “I don’t think he’s ever drank like this before.”

“I’m a good boy! Mum would skin me if she knew,” James inserted, hanging his arm around Sirius’s shoulder.

“She absolutely would not,” Sirius groaned, wrapping his arm around James’s waist to keep him upright before turning back to you. “Sorry, as you can see he’s a bit in over his head. He tripped earlier and scuffed his knee. But don’t you worry…I’ll keep him quiet long enough to get him back. Wouldn’t want to take all you ladies down with me, now would I?”

You watched him for a moment, deliberating, before pointedly walking around to his other side, taking a hold of James’s other arm. You turned around to face Remus, offering your free hand.

“Do you need help, too?”

“Y/N!” Lily rushed out in a hushed whisper, looking around to see if anyone was watching. “What are you doing? We’ll get caught!”

You shook your head, grinning. “Not if we’re careful. We should be heading back anyway.”

“Are you sure?” Sirius asked, a bit confused as he watched James lean some of his weight into you.

“I’m sure,” you mused, turning back to Remus. “What about you?”

He was clearly amused by the whole situation, content to watch from the sidelines. He raised his hands, motioning for you to go ahead.

“I think I’ll manage, don’t worry about me.”

You nodded. “Alright, then. Shall we go?”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” James mumbled suddenly, making both your and Sirius’s eyes widen.

“Alright, let’s go, let’s go! Merlin, Prongs, I swear I’ll hex you till your eyes cross if so much as an ounce of vomit lands on my new shoes.”

“How gallant,” you mused, although you were now a bit wary about being this close to James yourself. “You can always get yourself another pair.”

You caught a glimpse of his grin from the other side of James. “It’s the principle, darling.”

Together, you managed to sneak everyone back into the castle without alerting anyone. By the time morning came, no one would even know you left. You walked James all the way to Gryffindor tower, everyone quietly chatting amongst themselves. Lily eventually had to hex James’s mouth shut when you passed the Prefect dorms, afraid he’d get you all a month’s detention, or worse.

He—even after all these years—still insists that he considers that night to be the moment he truly fell in love with her.

Remus, pretty much sober now at this point, took on the task of getting James into the Common Room and up to bed. The girls whispered a hushed good night, going to bed soon after. When they were gone, it was just you and Sirius, standing out in the lamp lit corridor.

He gave you an awkward smile, leaning up against the wall. “So…what were you girls doing out so late? It’s against the rules.”

“It may be,” you nodded. “But you were out there too.”

“I’ve got so many detentions wracked up that I’m expecting a Howler from my Mother any day now. I have never seen you, however, in any sort of trouble, let alone in detention. You’re not fooling me.”

You grinned, a glint in your eye. “Maybe I’m just better at not getting caught than you are.”

Sirius felt something flicker in his chest. A faint sensation, no more than a second, but it was there. It was something. The glint in your eye made him want to stand on his toes and lean over the edge until he fell overboard into the depths of you. Your mind was something to be explored, and your heart an adventure to be had. His curiosity got the best of him, and he couldn’t let you go without solidifying another excuse to see you.

“Thank you for helping me bring James up.”

You shook your head. “It was no problem. You looked like you needed the help.”

“I think there’s an insult hiding in there,” he chuckled, ignoring your teasing. “But I’ll forgive it, considering you risked your own shoes to help me. I don’t suppose you let me thank you properly…maybe on your next trip to Hogsmeade?”

“You’re trying to buy my time, Black? Need a friend who won’t need you to carry them home?”

He huffed nervously, retreating. “It was just an offer, love. You can just say no.”

“I was kidding, Sirius,” you smiled, shaking your head. “I’ll go with you. But there’s no need to buy me anything. I’ll take your word as enough thanks.”

His confidence slowly returned, his usual smirk reappearing. “Like you said, love. If I have the means to buy myself a new pair of shoes, I can certainly buy you a butterbeer or two.”

You playfully rolled your eyes, biting your tongue. You supposed that was Sirius’s thing. Winning people over with his charm and riches, so they’d never stop and try to look any deeper. But there was more to him. You could see it. And you wanted to get to know him, not shrouded by his show of wealth.

“I can pay for my own butterbeer, Sirius.”

He grinned, the glint now in his eye. “We’ll see about that.”

—

You spent most of your spare time with Sirius for days after your first trip to Hogsmeade.

He made good on his promise.

Despite your efforts, you walked back to the castle with a bag of Cauldron Cakes from Honeydukes and a Sneakoscope from Zonko’s. He rationalized it by saying that you could share the sweets with Lily, and use the scope for when you needed to find him when he was creating mischief somewhere in the castle—which you’d later use the Marauder’s Map for. You could have refused them, but you knew he’d make you accept the gifts anyway, even if he couldn’t come up with a valid excuse to buy them for you.

Over time, you stopped scolding him for buying you things. You knew he’d do it anyway regardless of what you wanted, and it was easier to thank him than argue with him.

Your trips to Hogsmeade became trips to the Astronomy Tower, or the Room of Requirement whenever you wanted to be alone together. Picnics down by the Black Lake—or winter swims, even though it was freezing—to evenings at the Quidditch Pitch where you’d watch him practice tricks and fly laps between the goal posts on his broom. He even resorted to spending afternoons with you in the library, watching you read with a content smile on his face. Of course, he’d eventually get bored and bother you too, but he was so adorable that you’d usually pack up and follow him wherever he was begging you to go.

The gift giving didn’t stop.

It was one of his main love languages. He wasn’t always the best with words, but he prided himself on his ability to understand a person and know what would make them happy. No matter how small or big the gift, he’d love seeing the little smile on a person’s face when they opened it up. The way their eyes would light up when they realized that another person had thought of them enough to get them something they’d like.

It was intimate.

It was easy and natural to Sirius.

A locket with room for a photo in the middle, a bouquet of flowers, a book you’d been mentioning you wanted to read, one of his old sweaters that spent more time in your closet than it ever did in his.

Money was never a problem, so he never even gave it a second thought when he’d see something on a shelf at a store and immediately think of you. He’d buy it and happily give it to you, telling you to get over yourself when you’d tell him he shouldn’t spend so much money on you. You’d try and gift him things too, but he considered himself infinitely better at giving gifts than getting gifts.

“Beautiful girls deserve beautiful things,” he’d always say, and you couldn’t help but flush and grin every time, dropping the subject.

It became a staple of your growing relationship together. Eventually, days with Sirius turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. You couldn’t pinpoint the exact time that it happened, but it was without a doubt—you had fallen for Sirius Black.

And you had fallen hard.

—

Before you knew it, years had passed. It was Fifth Year now, and you couldn’t love him more. It was an accident, really—falling in love.

Loving Sirius was as easy as breathing.

Every inhale was another second you got to love him, and every exhale was the comfort of knowing that he loved you just as hard. It was bliss.

If only you knew what was coming.

Sirius had run away a week before. He’d gone straight to James’s house, scared out of his mind. He hadn’t even been there more than an hour before James had sent word to you. You were on his doorstep in mere moments after, begging James to let you in so you could see him. Although he knew Sirius was in a fragile state, he reluctantly let you in.

There was no harm you could truly ever do to him, and, if anything, you’d bring some good.

Sirius always had an unusual peace about him when you were around. Maybe it was your calm demeanor, or your ability to make silence comfortable. There wasn’t any reason you could pinpoint, it’s just how it was. You were always able to calm him when he needed you to.

Euphemia spent most of the evening tending to him before you were allowed to go up.

He had taken a few calming draughts, and he was quite tired by the time you knocked on his door. Euphemia let you stay with him for half the night before she made you get up so he could get some rest. She knew there was no telling you that you couldn’t see him, and she knew you’d help him rest easier.

You sat up against the headboard, Sirius resting with his head on your chest. You had the blanket pulled up tight around him, one hand tangled in his hair, the other secured around his shoulders. You were quiet for a long while, doing nothing but listening to him breathe. Each exhale gave you a little bit of peace.

They meant he was alive.

They meant he was here, right here, and he was safe in your arms. Nobody was going to hurt him, and they most certainly weren’t going to take him away from you.

It must have been an hour before he finally spoke. He clung to you, his voice muffled into your shirt. He sounded so small…and it broke your heart.

“You don’t have to stay with me,” he whispered, though he made no move to let you go. “I may be a burden, but I don’t have to be your burden.”

“Don’t say that!” You rushed out firmly.

Your grip on Sirius tightened, and you could feel him let out a sigh. His chest rose and fell as he tilted his head up to look at you.

“And why not? It’s true—”

“It isn’t!” You interrupted, looking him in the eye. “Sirius Black, you listen to me…you have not been, and you never will be…a burden. Do you know how many people love you?”

He said nothing, only staring up at you with sad eyes. You frowned, reaching down to tuck a stray piece of hair behind his ear. You cupped his cheek, running your thumb along the top of his cheekbone.

“Look where you are. You’re home and safe with a family that loves you and considers you their own. They’re your family, Sirius…you’ll never be a burden to the people who love you. You’ve got Euphemia and Fleamont. You’ve got James, and Remus, and Lily, and Marlene, and Frank and Alice…and Regulus, and your Aunt Andromeda…I could give you an endless list of people who care about you. People who love and adore you so much.”

You hooked a finger under his jaw, making him look you in the eyes as you spoke. He let you, his hands still clutching your shirt.

“And I love you,” you whispered, tilting his chin upward. “I love you so much that it scares me sometimes. I don’t think it’s normal—to feel like this about another person.”

You smoothed your hand over his hair, leaning down so that your forehead rested against his. You spoke softly, so soft that you could practically hear your own heart beating.

“I would follow you wherever you wanted to go. I don’t care where, I just want to be with you. I want to sit with you and listen about your day, however good or bad it was, and talk with you until we can’t keep our eyes open and we fall asleep. And I want to wake up next to you—wherever that is—and I want to lay with you until we have to drag ourselves out of bed and start our day. I don’t care where we are, I don’t care what we’re doing, I don’t care who we’re with…I just care about you. And I would give up anything to have that life with you. Anything.”

Please believe me, you thought to yourself. Please believe how much I want you.

You watched his eyes brim with tears, and you could feel his hands shaking as he held you tighter. A stray tear spilled over the top of his cheek, and you were quick to wipe it away with your thumb.

He let out a long breath. “That’s a lot of love.”

You managed a small chuckle, smiling down at him. “It is. I’m not quite sure what to do with all of it.”

“I’ll take it,” he replied, once again letting his head rest on your chest. “It sounds really nice. If you’ve got no one else to give it to, I’ll take it.”

You nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “It’s all yours, love. All yours.”

—

Sirius got better, with time.

Sirius’s parents never came for him, although an owl from his brother came a week after he left to let him know just how finished with him their Mother was. He’d been permanently burned off the family tapestry.

He had laughed it off when he found out, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Just like my Aunt Andromeda. Always one with a flare for the dramatics, my Mother.”

“Is that who you get it from?” You teased, ducking when he chucked a pillow at your head.

“Be nice to me!” He pouted, crossing his arms over his chest as he laid back against the couch. “I’m fragile right now.”

You rolled your eyes, leaning over and pressing a sloppy kiss to his cheek as your way of silently apologizing. It made him giggle, which was a sound you didn’t realize just how much you’d miss until it was gone. You’d have done anything to hear it again and make him smile.

His pout disappeared, replaced by a small smile and flushed cheeks. “Alright, I guess you’re forgiven.”

“How generous of you,” you mused, grinning.

“It’s a gift.”

The days rolled on, and he slowly returned to his usual self.

Euphemia and Fleamont treated him like he was one of their own, and James was relishing in having another sibling. He’d already considered Sirius a brother, but living with him somehow made it more official.

Remus came over whenever he could, and you spent every spare minute of your time at the Potter’s. Euphemia said it constantly looked like a parade of zoo animals running around her house, but you could tell she was secretly enjoying the company. Like you, she had a lot of love to give—and you and all your friends were her honorary children that she could love and spoil.

You were beginning to realize why James had turned out how he did. Like the sun, personified.

Eventually, Sirius seemed entirely himself. He was back to cracking jokes and getting into mischief, never a dull moment with James by his side. He didn’t often speak of home, but when he did, it was of lighthearted memories and long forgotten tales. Everyone kept him well occupied, and he learned to fill the rare silences and still moments when he was alone with things that made him feel hopeful and content.

If you were anyone else, you would have missed the signs.

He seemed entirely happy to the untrained eye. But you noticed something was wrong during quieter moments when his mind would stray, and there was this far off look in his eye. It was minuscule and fleeting, but it was there. You knew it was bothering him, and yet, he never brought it up. You figured it was best to stay quiet and let him come to you about it…but he never did. And the far away stares were becoming more and more frequent.

One evening, you couldn’t help but gently confront him about it. If there was any chance you could bring him some peace, you had to at the very least try and get him to fess up.

You were sitting on the porch, watching the stars twinkle in the night sky. It was just after dinner, and he had been uncharacteristically quiet the entire time. You couldn’t stay at the Potter’s every night, but on the nights when you could, he was usually quite excited. It was unusual for him not to be teeming with excitement, and you led him by the hand to the porch the minute dinner was over and everyone had dispersed.

“What’s going on, darling?” You asked, your shoulder brushing his as you laid down on the porch floor next to him. “You’ve been quiet.”

“Nothing,” he shrugged, keeping his eyes on the stars.

You gave him a pointed look, but turned your attention back to the sky as well. “It’s not nothing, Sirius. You’re quiet, and you’re never quiet…and you may be quiet right now, but I know your mind isn’t. I can practically hear the cogs turning. You can tell me what you’re thinking about if you want to. You don’t have to, of course…but I’m right here if you do want to.”

Neither of you knew at the time that his Uncle Alphard had set aside a small fortune for Sirius to live on until he came into his own, which subsequently got him burned off the family tapestry too.

He was a blessing, and you’d always be eternally grateful for what he did for Sirius. It truly changed both of your lives.

The money didn’t pass to Sirius until after Alphard died, so Sirius was under the assumption that the inheritance he’d been promised all his life was taken away from him. That fact had been bothering him since he left home, and the reality of his situation was beginning to set in.

“I’m just worried,” he finally murmured, rolling over to face you.

You rolled to face him, so close that your noses were almost brushing. “About what?”

“About how long James’s folks are gonna let me live with them. We’ve only got two years left, and I’m sure they’re not looking to support another child that isn’t even theirs.”

You frowned, reaching for his hand and intertwining your fingers. “Don’t worry about that, Sirius. They’re happy to take you in, and they’re absurdly rich too. I don’t think you’re going to make a dent in the family fortune.”

He could tell you were trying to make light of the situation, using humor to make him forget about how much the Potter’s were doing for him. He shook his head, growing frustrated.

“I don’t want to make a dent. I don’t want them to feel like they have to take care of me, even if they have the means to. They shouldn’t have to support me, I should be able to do it on my own—”

“You’re still a kid, love,” you interrupted, squeezing his hand. “You shouldn’t have to worry about those kinds of things yet. They wouldn’t want you to.”

“And what about after school? What about when it’s time to move out, and I’ve got nowhere to go?”

“You can go with James,” you tried to rationalize.

“And when he gets bored of me? When he gets tired of living in a flat with another grown man, and decides he wants to settle down in a house of his own.”

“Then you can live with me,” you said softly, eyes softening on him. “James is your brother, and he’ll never grow tired of you, but you’re right…he will eventually want to settle down on his own. But then you can come live with me. I told you, Sirius…wherever you, I go. No matter what. I promised you.”

He shook his head. “I can’t ask you to do that, darling. How would we live? I won’t be able to give you all that you deserve, and I refuse to let you accept anything less.”

“Beautiful girls deserve beautiful things, right?” You asked, offering him a small smile. “That’s what you said to me. And I’ve got my beautiful boy…that’s all I’ll ever need. The rest of it doesn’t matter. We’ll make it work.”

There was a choked sound in the back of his throat, and he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck so you weren’t able to look at him. You wrapped your arms around him as he took a deep breath, feeling his chest rise and fall under your touch.

“I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled into your shirt. “I’m going to ask you to marry me one day. Merlin, I hope you say yes.”

You shook your head, chuckling, sitting up and pulling him with you. You tugged the spare hair tie off his wrist, twisting it around your finger until it was bundled into loops. You slipped it over his ring finger on his left hand, securing it in place.

“I’d marry you with nothing but one of these around our fingers,” you smiled, twisting the hair tie around and around. “I like shiny things…but I’d marry you with paper rings…a rubber band, or a string, or a tattoo—even a Ring Pop, I don’t care—it doesn’t matter. As long as I get to marry you.”

He was quiet for a long moment, a silly grin on his face. His cheeks were flushed, and he knew he was beet red, but he didn’t care. He just cared about his girl—the one who just said she’d marry him no matter what. He felt like his heart could explode.

“What’s a Ring Pop?” He finally asked, smiling wider when you let out a bright laugh.

“It’s a muggle thing. A lollipop carved into the shape of a giant jewel or diamond, and it’s melted onto a plastic ring you can slip on over your finger so you can wear it while you eat it. It’s cooler than it sounds, I promise.”

“I think it sounds very cool,” he said as shook his head, grinning. “It’s good to know you like them. It may be all I can afford.”

You smiled, continuing to twist the tie around his finger. “As long as it’s the blue raspberry one. Those are the best ones. Turns your tongue blue, though.”

“Is there a red one?” He asked, and you nodded, making him grin. “Good. Then we can make our tongues purple.”

“Sirius!”

—

The day his inheritance came in was the happiest he’d been in a long time.

Euphemia and Fleamont had kept him well taken care of, but he wasn’t content. He didn’t want to spend any more money than was necessary to get him the things he needed, and he often went without some of the things he wanted.

But what he really wanted, and what he really missed…was being able to get things for you.

James had a countless number of times seen him staring longingly in a store at some little knick knack and offered to buy it for him, but Sirius always politely refused. He never felt right about it. You were content to never receive another thing from Sirius ever again. You didn’t need him to spend a galleon on you. But you knew it made him happy to give people things. It wasn’t just you he missed spoiling.

So when the money came in, he had a field day. Everyone who had supported him and loved him since he left home received a gift of some kind within a week, and Sirius hadn’t smiled that wide like he did watching people’s eyes light up as they opened them in a long time.

He saved you for last, pulling you aside one evening after a gathering at the Potter’s. He pulled a small box out of his pocket, tied shut with a ribbon.

“Sirius,” you gasped, eyes widening in shock. “Is that—”

“It’s a promise ring,” he finished for you, slipping the ribbon off.

You felt your stomach knot itself up, afraid your palms were beginning to sweat as he opened the lid to show you the ring. He grinned when you paled.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a real silver band. And it isn’t a diamond—it’s a moonstone. Lily told me it’s a symbol of protection or something like that. I figured that you’ve spent so long protecting me, it’s my turn to start protecting you.”

You raised a brow. “You’ve been talking to Lily about this? No wonder she and Marlene have been so secretive recently. I was beginning to think I’d done something wrong.”

“Apparently, McKinnon has a thing for astrology and crystals and all that shit. Someone should tell her she’s a witch,” he chuckled, pulling the ring out of the box. “Lily helped me pick the band a few days ago. The shopkeeper thought we were a couple while we were in there.”

“I’m sure Lily loved that, and I'm definitely sure it amused you,” you laughed, smiling at the thought of Lily scrunching her nose up at the mere insinuation that she and Sirius were together.

“It most certainly did.”

He pocketed the box, holding his hand out for you to take. You placed your palm in his, letting him slowly slip the ring onto your ring finger. He twisted it around once, before squeezing your hand in his.

“I’ll get you the real thing one day.”

You smiled, admiring the ring. “It’s beautiful, Sirius. Not as tasty as a Ring Pop, but I love it.”

“I love you,” he breathed through a laugh, running his thumb along the back of your hand. “And I love that you would have let me propose to you with a Ring Pop. I love that you want a life with me, and Merlin, I want it too. And I love how you make me feel. I love that you feel so deeply and love so hard…I love that you love me just as much as I love you.”

You felt your chest swell with emotion, feeling your eyes sting with tears. You gave him a watery smile, squeezing his hand tightly in yours.

You were only able to choke out a few words. “I love you more.”

He laughed, like you had just said the most unbelievable thing he had ever heard. He hooked a finger under your chin, titling your head up until your eyes met his. He looked at you a long while, before shaking his head.

“Impossible, darling.”

—

A/N - Hi! So so sorry for the long wait, it took me so long to get this out. I really enjoyed writing this one, I really appreciate the request. Small Fleabag reference for my girlies who caught onto that. I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think :)

#harry potter #marauders x you #marauders #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #paper rings #taylor swift #lover #sirius black x you #sirius black #sirius black fluff #sirius black angst

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thalassic-p4rk · 6 months

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yall.

Y A L L

*deep breaths*

*stares intently*

so. y’all know simon greenall is the speaking voice of barnacles. i’m sure some of you know that he’s had a different singing voice since the beginning. up through season 4, barnacles’ singing vocals are done by ross breen, and then (above and) beyond that, we don’t talk about it. but anyways, ross breen is not only an incredible singer, but he sounds so much like greenall that the majority of people don’t know the difference until they look it up, myself included.

so as you may have gathered, i like to do a deep dive on the actors and voice actors behind my comfort characters. do you know how much i had to dig to find that clip of greenall jumping off the pier? it was in his showreel compiled by his agent, ruth young. that’s how deep i dig. i also found a sex scene, but that’s irrelevant.

SO last night, i was bored, and since i wasn’t satisfied by the amount of comfort content i collected from my simon greenall dig, i said fuck it and looked into ross breen.

besties baby boos. girly pops. homies. queerly beloved.

i found a goldmine.

may i present to you, captain barnacles’ spotify:

AND IT ACTUALLY SLAPS??? LIKE, I’D LISTEN TO THIS SHIT REGARDLESS OF WHO WROTE AND SANG IT. ITS FUCKING GORGEOUS, AND IT ONLY HAS 48 MONTHLY LISTENERS. SO YALL BEST GET ON THAT.

and if there was any doubt that this was barnacles, i’d say this proves it FHJFDHH:

LIKE. GRRRRRRRRRRRR /VPOS.

‼️‼️BUT WAIT, IT GETS BETTER‼️‼️

BECAUSE in 2020ish, bestie boo bear rebranded. that’s right. this man has TWO SPOTIFIES!!!!

may i present to you…

✨Jazzy Comfort Barnacles✨

no i am not okay.

it only has 3 songs on the second spotify, but those three songs man. i will be posting about them separately bc holy fucking shit, it’s all comfort.

i fell asleep last night with “Flowing to you, Flowing Through” on loop and woke up feeling. so safe. i’m. it gives somewhere over the rainbow vibes yk? it’s bjarki’s song. and it just hits so fucking close to home lyrically for personal reasons and. ugh. later. this post is long enough as it is.

OH. AND IT HAS <1000 LISTENS. GIVE THIS MAN SOME LOVE GUYS. WE NEED TO FIX THAT.

his first spotify, ross breen, has several full-length albums. so far, we’ve only listened to one, “when i met the devil,” which came out in 2011 and is ALL BANGERS. we’ve only gotten through the one album bc we’ve been looping it all day. it has 15 songs, but quite a few instrumental transition tracks, so it comes to a little under 40 mins. my favorite songs are “when i met the devil,” “elephant’s foot” (which i will also expand upon in its own post), “life support,” “thin sheep,” and “jigsaw.” my favorite more chill songs are “monet,” and “keep the light on,” which made me cry like a baby during class.

from ross a., my favs are “flowing to you, flowing through” obviously, and “be ok”, which also made me sob hysterically and will be getting its own post too.

in conclusion:

#octonauts #octonauts fandom #captain barnacles #coral’s silly little thoughts #octonauts a&b #octonauts above and beyond #i am not okay #at all #captain barnacles is my comfort character #ross breen #small artist #go support him #please #i need him to gain popularity so he’ll post the lyrics to elephants foot #and every other song #please i’m not okay #i need it #Spotify

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sluttyten · 2 years

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a means to an end

Yesterday <- || -> Kinktober Masterlist

Day Fifteen: Hate Sex w/ Doyoung

Word Count: 4,602

Hating Kim Doyoung was so easy.

He was good at everything, and he knew it. He was certainly the most skilled vocalist in the program. He was top of the class in every class you’d taken with him. He walked around the place like he was the prince of the university’s music program. And you hated that shit.

To be fair, Doyoung kind of hated you as well. He thought you were lazy or slacked off just because you didn’t score as highly as him. No, the problem was more that he didn’t understand how hard some people have to work when they weren’t born with natural musical talent. You work hard, but he’s just been blessed by the gods or something unfair like that.

For example, today you’d been in the music program’s recording studio since early afternoon. You were working incredibly hard on this project. You’d composed and written the music and lyrics, you were playing the instruments yourself, you were singing the song and the background vocals yourself.

This song was going to be totally and completely yours.

Even though it was taking what felt like eternity to finish it up.

You were turning it in for a final project of this fall semester. There were still a few weeks left before the semester’s end, but you just wanted to get as close to finished with this as you could before all of the final projects for your other classes got piled on top of this one. Already you had the instrumental background down, but it was the vocals that were proving the most difficult.

It was late, shortly after midnight when you sat down on the seat in the recording booth to take a listen to the track. You closed your eyes to really soak it all in, but you’ve had your eyes closed for maybe a minute of the song when you hear a voice interrupt from outside at the producer’s mixing table.

“Are you sleeping right now?”

Kim Doyoung.

You frown without opening your eyes. He’s paused your music, entered the recording studio when you had it reserved, and now he’s teasing you?

“At least use the space if you’re going to reserve it,” Doyoung says.

You open one eye to look at him through the window. “Put my song back on.”

“Is that what that was?” Doyoung looks over at the monitor. “What’s it for?”

“It’s for none of your fucking business.” You stand up, heading back for the microphone. “I am recording, and you’re interrupting.”

You watch through the window as Doyoung leans down over the lyric sheet you’d left out there, one you’d been scribbling edits and corrections on before you came in here.

He’s dressed like he just rolled out of bed to come into the studio, so maybe you should be teasing him about that. A hoodie and some patterned pants that sure look like fleece sleep pants. The hood is tugged up over his hair, his sleeves pulled down to his fingertips as he reaches for the page, running his finger along the lyrics you wrote.

“Doyoung!” You call his name loudly over the mic. He only deigns to flick his gaze up towards you before he looks back down. “Just go away! Why are you here?”

“I wanted to sing,” he says, and then, “You’re singing this song? With these notes?”

If he’s about to insult your voice, you’re going to throw hands. Already your blood is beginning to boil; you’re just imagining throwing off the headphones, stalking out the door of the recording booth, and putting your hands on him to physically remove him from the studio.

“Maybe I should give it a try?” Doyoung says it like he’s not actually asking, and then you realize that he’s not asking. He’s already pressing the button to begin a recording, already walking to the door of the booth, already pressing it open and stepping into your space.

The first thing you notice is that, yes, Doyoung is wearing pajama pants. The second is that he smells nice. You can’t place the scent, just that it’s relaxing and ridiculously makes you want to lean in for a better whiff.

“Doyoung, fuck off. You’re not recording my song.” You push his hands away as he reaches for your headphones.

“Oh, come on. You’re not hitting the notes, are you?” He smiles, smug.

This time when you touch him, your palms are planted against his shoulders, shoving him back against the wall of the recording booth. Tragically, you trip over your own feet in the process, accidentally throwing yourself right after him. Your chest crashes against his.

Doyoung groans, but that’s mostly due to the way that your arm digs into his stomach as you push away from him. Your cheek is still pressed against his chest though and it takes you trying to push yourself away from him one more time and failing, for you to realize that somehow your earring got caught on his sweatshirt.

“I’m stuck!” You whine, curling your fingers against Doyoung’s hoodie. He pushes at you, but you pull yourself closer again, lifting your hands up his chest, trying to get to your earring. “Don’t push. I just need to get untangled.”

Doyoung makes a mildly annoyed noise, and then his hands are brushing against your cheek. “Let me do it. You just keep tugging.”

You let your hands fall away, but you keep feeling Doyoung’s fingers bumping your cheeks, touching your ear. You grumble, and Doyoung doesn’t seem too pleased either.

“Just hold still, baby,” Doyoung says, his tone soft yet frustrated.

He tugs at your ear lobe, and you want to shove at his stomach and make him stop, but that would just make your ear hurt worse.

Eventually, after what feels like twenty minutes, but in reality is probably only two, you feel the release on your ear. You pull your head back unhindered, and look up at Doyoung.

“Thanks,” you mumble. “But you can still leave. This is my song, I don’t need you to record it. Get out.”

Doyoung stares down at you. “You know your time was up at midnight, right?”

That’s not true. Probably. Technically you didn’t book it for the hours after midnight, but that’s only because you didn’t think anyone else would be coming in to use it until at least the first classes of the day started at seven.

“Did you know you’re insufferable, Doyoung?”

He grins. “You know, you’ve told me that before. But this is my time now. So technically, I should be the one recording. Or, you can tell me what you’re recording. Maybe I could help.”

You snort. “Help? You’re offering to help me with something?”

Doyoung nods. “Maybe I’m a little too tired. I don’t feel like hating you right now.”

You take several steps back from him, putting a considerable amount of space between you and him. And then you fold your arms across your chest. “This is my song. Entirely mine. I’ve done everything for this song—writing, composing, lyrics and instrumental. I don’t need help.”

Doyoung folds his arms over his chest too, mirroring you. “I think you do need my help. You’re too tense. You need to loosen up or else you’ll hear it in your voice in the recording. I can help with that.”

“And how do you plan on that?” You drop your arms since he’s mocking you for it, but then your arms just feel awkward hanging there.

The last thing you expect is for Doyoung to step forward, to put his hand on your shoulder, and pull you towards him. For the second time in the last ten minutes, you crash into Doyoung’s chest. But this time he stops you with his lips.

Your heart stops.

It’s hardly an exaggeration.

But admittedly, his kiss does more to relax you than you thought it might. But it also serves to annoy you because you hate Doyoung, why is he kissing you, and why does it feel so nice?

This time when you push him away, Doyoung goes easily. He falls back with his shoulders against the wall of the recording booth.

“Why would you do that?” You ask.

“Did it work?” Doyoung asks.

No, you want to tell him, but you know that you’re already betrayed. You’re blushing, you can’t look at him, and maybe on any other day at any other time that’s not late at night, you could manage to pass both of those things off as just hating him and being annoyed with him. But not tonight.

Slowly you lift your gaze up from the floor, up Doyoung’s pajama pants clad legs, up the expanse of his soft hoodie, up to his face.

“I hate you,” you tell him. And you mean it. Probably. But your heart is pounding, your face is warm, and your voice is just barely above a whisper with no bite to it at all. So how true can your words be? Repeating them makes them no truer, but you do it for good measure. “I hate you.”

Doyoung smirks. “Do you want me to kiss you again?”

You do, and you hate to admit that.

You don’t like Kim Doyoung.

He’s too good at everything, and much too cocky about it. He’s handsome too, always making sure he looks and smells nice, even when he’s early for the early morning class you have together, standing just a few feet down the hall from you while you wait for the professor to arrive and open the door. It just seems like he’s an overachiever, a try-hard, not to mention naturally blessed with talent and looks and (you’re pretty sure) money as well.

So you don’t like him, but in this moment you want him to kiss you again.

But you’re not going to throw yourself at him. You’re not going to ask him for it like you know he wants you to.

Doyoung watches you for a moment, waiting for an answer that you never give. But your patience results in Doyoung speaking next, and you didn’t expect the words out of his mouth.

“Can I kiss you just once more? Then I’ll leave you to record.”

Your heart stutters.

The way he’s just worded that, like he wants to kiss you. Like you’re doing him a favor bestowing a kiss on him instead of the original way he framed it to be the opposite.

You walk closer. “Why do you want to kiss me so bad, huh?”

Doyoung licks his lips, his gaze fixed on yours as you approach, closing the distance from three feet, to one foot, to inches apart. Your toes bump against his.

“Why are you here, Doyoung?” You ask, because now you don’t believe he came down here just with the intention of recording, not when he’s standing here asking you to kiss him.

“Do I have to answer that?” He says, and his eyes are on your lips.

“I never thought I’d see the day Kim Doyoung doesn’t have an answer,” you tease, but you don’t have the heart in your voice to tease him more, not when you foolishly want him to kiss you, all of the hate forgotten for just this moment as you crave his kiss, and certainly not when he leans down.

“I have an answer,” he murmurs in the moment before his lips meet yours.

You should hate this. Shouldn’t want to even have him in your space let alone touching you and kissing you. But you find yourself leaning into it, kissing him back. Your fingers twist in the front pocket of his hoodie, and his hand is at your shoulder again, sliding toward your neck, his thumb moving in soothing circles.

The kiss starts out gentle and a little tentative, like he’s worried you might bite him or push him away. Doyoung gives you more than he takes, and soon you’re pushing closer to him, hungrily making your move. Doyoung takes your initiative, sliding a hand around your back, holding you tighter against him as you each sink in deeper to the kiss, the long-fueled hatred transmuting into passion, the well breaking open, sending cascading heat through you.

When you slide your fingers away from the pocket of his hoodie to instead inch then beneath, Doyoung makes a soft sound into the kiss, but he doesn’t stop. Neither do you.

Fingertips brush over his bare skin, tucking against the band of his underwear above the waistline of his pajama pants. You can feel him growing hard against you, just a little bit, pressed against your belly. How long has it been for him since he last kissed someone to already be half-hard just from a little kissing?

He first moans softly when you slide your hand down inside his pajama pants, fitting his growing bulge against your palm, still with the layer of his underwear in between. But he rolls his hips forward, rutting against your hand for a moment.

Maybe it’s his brief loss of control, but something drives Doyoung to spin you around so now you’re the one with your back to the wall. He pulls your hand from inside his pants, and with his fine fingers wrapped around your wrist, he lifts your arm up above your head, pinning it to the wall.

“Don’t touch me.” Doyoung’s voice is low, and there’s that snippy tone that you’re familiar with.

“Then don’t kiss me,” you reply. “You’re the one who’s hard just from kissing me. I thought I might as well help you out. Tit for tat, right? You help me, I help you, then we never talk about this again.”

Doyoung’s fingers flex around your wrist, and he stares down at you. His eyes flick between your eyes and your lips, temptation drawing him back in. His lips just brush against yours this time before he pulls away.

“If we do this, it doesn’t mean I like you, okay?” His cheeks glow a warm shade of pink. “It’s just late, I’m horny, and it’s gonna help you too right? Loosen you up? For—For the recording, I mean.”

You smile, amused by Doyoung’s blush and his fumbling words. “I still don’t like you either, having sex with you wouldn’t change that. Just a means to an end right now, Kim Doyoung.”

He makes a face, like he’s annoyed, but that doesn’t stop him from immediately leaning down to kiss you again. Nor does it stop you from kissing him too, from pulling your wrist out of Doyoung’s loosened grip so you can slide your hand right back down the front of his pants. This time he doesn’t stop you.

In fact, this time Doyoung touches you too. He mirrors your move, sliding a hand down the front of the pants you’re wearing. You smile into the kiss as Doyoung hesitates, making a soft sound of confusion and surprise when he finds bare skin beneath his fingers instead of panties.

When you stroke your hand over the bulge inside his pants, Doyoung starts touching you too. His fingers explore lower until his middle finger reaches your clit.

You first moan as Doyoung circles his finger against your clit, a surge of need entering your bloodstream.

After that, you both move pretty quickly.

Doyoung teases you on his fingers, making you whimper into the kiss as he presses a finger inside you, grinding his palm against your clit. You abandon caution, diving your hand inside his underwear, and Doyoung bites at your lip when you wrap your hand around his bare cock, fisting the now fully hard erection.

There’s a little pushing, a bit of biting, a lot of teasing each other then.

It’s no surprise that Kim Doyoung, the man with natural-born talent and good at everything, brings you quickly to orgasm on his fingers.

He’s smirking when you break the kiss and look up at him, his fingers still stroking against that spot inside of you. Your thighs tremble, your fingers clutch at his hoodie, and your other hand goes still on his cock.

Doyoung laughs.

You push at his stomach with a groan. “Don’t laugh. It’s rude.”

“You came so quickly though,” he laughs, “Were you that worked up? Wound so tight that just my fingers were enough to make you cum like that?”

You smack your hand against his belly again. “Shut the fuck up.”

Nothing wipes that cocky, smug grin off Doyoung’s face. Not even when you twist your hand tighter in his hoodie and drag him back down to kiss you.

You, admittedly, do keep whimpering a little against his lips as he’s still touching your pussy. So the smugness, with an ego as big as Doyoung’s is, makes sense.

He doesn’t even pull his hand away from you when you draw your hand out of his pants. Doyoung just keeps touching you, seemingly unaffected by you reaching for your pants and pushing them down. You need more. Not just his fingers. Ridiculous and foolish and non-hatred as it may seem, you just need Doyoung’s cock inside you.

He finally gets the message when you step out of your pants, kicking them aside. You bring a hand up to the back of his neck, and Doyoung draws back out of the kiss only long enough for you to be able to issue your demand.

“Fuck me.”

Doyoung doesn’t need telling twice.

Eagerly, Doyoung pulls his hands away from you. He doesn’t stop kissing you, in fact, his kisses may just grow more smothering and hungry, both of you kissing each other like it’s all you need. You feel his hands moving as he frees himself from his pants.

“Shit, shit,” Doyoung groans against your lips. “No condom.”

For a moment your frazzled mind mourns this encounter, surely cut prematurely short, but then you remember.

“I’m clean, and I’m on birth control. It’s fine.” You crush your mouth to his again. “Just do it.”

Again, he doesn’t need to be told twice.

Doyoung reaches for your thigh, lifting it up to his hip. You break the kiss to look down, to watch his hand around his cock, fingers slicking through the precum at the tip to spread it down his length, to watch as he taps the tip against your clit, and then at last, as Doyoung pushes inside you.

You drop your head back against the recording booth’s wall with a moan. Thank God the booth is sound proof, so if anyone is passing by even at this late hour, they won’t hear.

Doyoung’s lips skim your jaw, just a tiny hint of his teeth as well. He sinks in deeper, his fingers bruising at your thigh, a low sound pulling from his throat.

You lift a hand to his cheek, pulling Doyoung’s mouth back to yours. The kiss is hot, sharp with teeth nipping at lips and tongues meeting. It’s almost violent, but there’s so much more to it too. He drags your other leg up, hands gripping at both thighs as you wrap them both around his hips while he thrusts in.

The cardigan sweater you’re wearing is barely holding on to you, slipping from your shoulders as Doyoung’s powerful thrusts slam into you. His pants and underwear slide down his thighs to pool around his knees and ankles.

Your tailbone aches as Doyoung presses you back against the wall, only to pull your hips forward into him as he draws back, then slam into you against the wall once more. The way he lifts you, thrusting into you, driving you into the wall, forcing moans from you, and his own from himself.

It shouldn’t be allowed for Doyoung to sound as good moaning as he does at singing. Hearing his voice in your ear, it does things to you that it shouldn’t.

He pins you back against the wall, grinding into you in a way that has both of you moaning together. Doyoung’s head rests against yours, his lips right at your ear. You can hear his ragged breath, and you wonder if he’s close, if he’s holding himself back.

“Doyoung,” you gasp his name, pulling your head back to lean your cheek against his. “Whatever you do, just don’t cum inside me.”

“Then where do you want it?” He moans, and it sounds like a complaint. “On your face? Bet that’s where you let all the guys cum.”

You don’t even think about it. It’s just your body’s natural reaction that you lean back from Doyoung and you slap him across the face.

You see the pink of your handprint blossom across his cheek, watch him open his mouth and work his jaw for a moment before he turns back to face you.

“I don’t like what you’re insinuating.” You tell him. “Call me a whore again and this is done. I’ll leave you with blue balls and you can go cry about it while you jerk yourself off. Asshole.”

Doyoung stares at you. You stare at him.

You don’t expect an apology and you don’t get one. Not in words anyway.

Doyoung’s mouth is softer against yours now when he kisses you. He holds you less like he’s trying to crush you, and his movements against you are slower, shallower thrusts which just feel more intimate than his brutal pace from moments ago. It might not be so much of an apology, but it kind of feels like one.

Perhaps as a continuation of his nonverbal apology, Doyoung brings you to orgasm first. There’s no denying that he really is good at everything he does, working you quickly to the point of no return, tipping you into bliss.

You like the way it’s obvious as you come down that Doyoung is holding back. He’s broken the kiss to just watch you, his jaw clenched, his body only moving with erratic short thrusts, every part of him wound right, like just a stray brush of your fingers over his shoulder could set him off. Half-contained moans break loose from him, and you like how out of control he looks right now.

“Aren’t you gonna cum too?” You ask, and you run your hand over his shoulder, up the side of his throat. You curl your fingers behind his neck, drawing your thumb over the sensitive pulse point just beneath his jaw. You feel it jump at your touch. “Why are you holding back?”

When you lift your fingers up to brush over his lips, Doyoung opens his mouth, biting teasingly at your fingertips.

“Come on, show me how much you hate me. Fuck me, Doyoung. Let me feel it.”

He closes his eyes when you trace your fingers up over this cheekbone.

“Fuck me like you really, really hate me.” He shivers when your fingernails tickle down his cheek, and again when you lean in to touch your lips to his ear. “Cum inside me.”

“But you said—“

You cling a little tighter to him as he tries to pull back to look you in the eye. You just keep your head right beside his. “I know what I said. I changed my mind.”

You’re on birth control. You’re fine if he cums inside you, and besides, you’re not ready to give up on this yet. This mild truce while he’s buried inside you.

Your permission is the last thing Doyoung needed.

He lets go, picking up that brutal pace again, and you cling to him as he fucks you against the wall. Both of you are moaning, gasps of pleasure and a tiny bit of pain as he bruises your tailbone up against the wall. But Doyoung is loud, and you love it, the way his voice overtakes yours as he finally hits his peak.

You watch him as he cums. The way his eyes close, face scrunching up while his mouth falls open, and he looks beautiful. He rolls his hips forward, pushing his cock into you the last few times as he spills his cum inside you.

Another weak orgasm sweeps through you, and you close your eyes to savor it, but it doesn’t last long enough, over before you’re ready.

“I hate you,” you gasp, your cheek pressed against his, fingers digging into his neck and his shoulder. You hold tightly to Doyoung, not wanting to slip, just wanting to let him hold you here until this lust-filled illusion fades from over both of you.

“I hate you too,” Doyoung murmurs. There’s no heat behind his words, very little truth. And when he turns his lips to the side, brushing quickly over your cheek, it has you questioning everything.

Eventually you do pull yourselves apart. Unsticking your sweaty bellies and thighs and hips from each other. Doyoung tucks his cock away quickly, a blush highlighting his cheeks as if now, after all of that, he’s embarrassed for you to see it. You pull your pants back on, disgusted about how you’re probably going to ruin this pair of pants as his cum leaks out.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” you tell him. “And I’m not done in here, so don’t think you can steal it while I’m gone.”

Doyoung laughs, the sound quiet. He watches you go.

When you return a few moments later, having peed as a precaution, but also done your very best to clean yourself up so as not to ruin this pair of pants, you find the studio and the booth empty. All signs of Doyoung gone except for the lyric sheet left sitting in front of the monitor with a note scribbled on the paper in his handwriting.

“I like the song. Moving, meaningful lyrics, a sweet melody. I don’t know what it’s for, but it’s really good.”

Your heart swells with pride, but immediately you remember this is Doyoung. You don’t need his approval. It’s your song; no one else’s opinion truly matters.

Brushing aside the lyric sheet, you look at the monitor and realize that a recording is in progress still. A long recording. Now that you think about it, you have a vague recollection of Doyoung starting a recording session before he barged into the booth. Did you accidentally just make an audio sex tape with Doyoung?

You scramble for a pair of headphones, slipping them on and hitting play.

Of course, you immediately hear the sound of you and Doyoung bickering. As you sit there and listen, your heart pounding and your body growing warm, the bickering turns to physical fighting, and then you hear the kiss. You hear quiet words exchanged, and that turns to kissing again, which turns to moans.

You sit there in shock, listening to the sounds of you and Doyoung having sex, your moans almost harmonizing, as ridiculous as that sounds.

Even more ridiculous is when you realize that the sound of the two of you moaning together would actually fit perfectly in the background of the second half of your song. Toned down a bit, layered under instruments, almost to the point of being unrecognizable, but they would be absolutely perfect there.

The two of you sound too good together to delete it.

You click save on the recording session.

Damn, Kim Doyoung, you think angrily. This song was meant to be totally and completely yours.

Yet still, you figure the argument can be made that even the sound of him moaning in the background of your song can be considered yours. You did that to him.

But you won’t be giving him any credit for it.

#Doyoung smut #nct smut #nct 127 smut #nct 127 #nct #doyoung #kinktober #kinktober 2022 #nct kinktober

966 notes · View notes

tencrushesperday · 10 months

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Now I Can See You - Rutger McGroarty

summary : when did things get so complicated ? They always get complicated when you overthink. Maybe if you acted more with your heart and less with your head you wouldn’t be locked up in a room with Rutger.

pairing : rutger mcgroarty x junior! reader

TW: implications of sex, insecurities (idk if it’s really a tw but better to be safe than sorry)

a/n : you just KNOW i had to use a Taylor song name for the tittle. i wrote this one a few weeks/ months ago and @sillinger said i should post it so here it is. idk what i did here and honestly i’m not good with criticism so if u don’t like pls just ignore it <3

You and Jacob met in Algebra first semester of freshman year. Your friendship was strategic on both parts. You wanted to cut ties with your shy high school persona and become a free spirit college student who knows how to have fun. He needed to pass that Algebra class. It was a win-win relationship : you passed him your notes and explained to him what he didn’t understand and he invited you to hockey or frat parties. Getting along also kinda helped.

Therefore, for the next few years, you became inseparable at parties. Beer pong partners, couch interlocutors, he would always have his arm swung around your shoulder. If the sibling energy wasn’t so prominent your friends would have assumed you were a couple. But you always had each other’s backs and nothing even remotely ambiguous ever happened.

When in junior year, Jacob introduced you to the freshmen.

You thought Rutger was cute the moment you laid eyes on him.

You got to know later that the first impression was mutual because he would flirt with you any chance he got.

But he flirted with anybody anyway. You noticed after the few first parties that he was quite popular with the ladies.

Therefore you never took his comments seriously. You were looking for a serious relationship. He was probably looking for a new conquest to add to his list.

It wasn’t something you were interested in.

Until that fateful night. You needed to take the edge of that night. You’ve had a stressful week before, filled with presentations and assignments to turn in. So, you - just- needed to relax. You’ve had a few of whatever Nolan had concocted you. Rutger complimented your dress when you where sitting on the stairs together. Everything happened fast that damned night.

After that it didn’t take long for the dress to find itself on the floor, and what needed to happen happened.

In that moment you hated Jacob more than anything. Why did he have to go and meddle. You realise you should have never told him about Rutger.

At least you had the decency to not tell him how much you actually liked the freshman. You would have never heard the end of it.

But now you’re stuck in this room with him and you know that whatever Jacob is doing right now he’s not letting you out of the room before you and Rutger talk.

Yet he doesn’t seem like he has much to say, so you keep your mouth shut as well. You want to know what he’s thinking. You want to apologise for running away in the morning, for leaving him with a cold bed, for ignoring him afterwards.

But you know it’s useless. He doesn’t care. He probably slept with at least another girl since then. What was it a week, ten days, since?

You’re the one who would have wanted to wake up in the stupidly warm arms, pressed to his stupidly toned chest. He was probably relieved when he didn’t have to kick you out in the morning.

But the silence is awkward so small talk it is, you decide.

Yet the moment you start talking to ask how he’s doing, he interrupts you.

“Why’d you leave in the morning?” he sounds disappointed.

Wait. Does he?

You don’t know what to say so you just say what you truly thought since the beginning, “I didn’t want to wait for you to kick me out.”

He widens his eyes at you. Really it’s comical the way his mouth hangs open for a second before he asks “Is it really what you think of me? That I would have kicked YOU out in the morning?” He insists on the word you and you don’t know what to think of it.

You’re left speechless. What can you answer to that anyway, except for yes. He looks so offended already, that wouldn’t help.

“I know I’m just a freshman hockey player. But i thought.. with you being friends with Truss and all… maybe you’d have a better image of me… I thought… i thought i finally got you to look my way…”

Now it was your turn to look at him with wide eyes as you only manage to say one thing. “What?”

“It’s okay I understand it was a mistake for you. I’m younger and you probably don’t have the time to deal with me but can we please remain…”

What? No, no, no. After the word mistake not much makes sense to you. You don’t hear him anymore. Where did he get that idea?

“Wait. What? No, no, no. It was not a mistake for me, not at all. I just… I thought you wanted me gone after you got what you wanted… I… I thought you’d get bored of me and kick me out and start ignoring me after we slept together…”

You’re ashamed to admit how insecure you are.

“Is you esteem of me really that low?” Rutger’s question really surprises you. And is it pain you hear filling his voice?

“I genuinely like you, did since the beginning. And i couldn’t get you to see me. You always acted like i was a kid and I almost lost hope honestly. But I wanted you - I want you - so I kept trying to flirt with you. The moment you followed me into that room, I’ve never been more happy, and when you started kissing me back I swear I’ve felt more awake than ever. I just had to remember everything about you, about your body. I asked you what seemed like a thousands times to me if you were sure of what you wanted and you just kept shutting me up with new kisses until I gave in.”

The images he was depicting, you knew them all too well. You had replayed the night in your head too many times to count. It still gave you goosebumps.

“I’m so sorry” You knew he wasn’t done but you had to say it out loud. Still, you didn’t know if it was enough. You had hurt him in order to protect your own feelings, you could see that now. It was unfair to him.

“I am so so sorry Rutger. I never thought of you as a kid… Really. Never. I’ve noticed you since we met…”

Jacob’s room wasn’t so big but in this moment, as you took small steps towards Rutger, it seems miles long. You didn’t know what to say anymore. You wanted to tell him just how much you like him and how much you want him but the words wouldn’t get out. Being vulnerable has always been difficult for you and you’re so used to doing everything to protect your feelings.

But this is not on him and you know it. He told you everything he had to say. He said he liked you, he said he wanted you. Yet you still can’t believe him. Damn those insecurities.

“More than anything I’m sorry for being insecure. I was convinced you would get bored of me so I shut you out from the beginning. It wasn’t fair to you”

How can you tell him you like him too? And now he’s so close, he is all around you, and all you want to do is kiss him again.

“Do you really mean what you said earlier?” It may sound pathetic. It probably does but you have to be sure.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, just stares at you. Then he leans in and it’s enough of an answer.

#rutger mcgroarty #rutger mcgroarty x reader #umich boys #she’s older woo

189 notes · View notes

sanaxo-o · 4 months

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Be the one (Eric Sohn)

To @deobienthusiast K, from Sana: Hihi K :) I know that we don’t talk much (which is a shame because I think your company would be a great addition to my lonely life) but I really had so much fun writing this for you. Despite not being able to write for Sangyeon and Juyeon (I was thinking about making three different fics but *sigh* time is a bitch). I hope we get closer in the future and that you enjoy this small silly fic I wrote for one and only, Eric Sohn hehe.

Warnings: kissing, drinking, cheating, in a scene Juyeon jokingly implies that readers a bad person, um mentions of balls (don’t ask, just read), reader and Eric act stupid (way to much), mentions of peeing and all (plz don’t judge me yall 😭), PG 13 jokes (yes), reader jokingly says that she is in a relationship with a old man, mentions of doing excessive amount of drinking and drugs, few scenes inspired by TV show Gilmore Girls and a classic movie 10 Things I hate about you, some of it is inspired by Sabrina Carpenters song Santa doesn’t know you like I do.

Genre/trope: angst, fluff, friends to lovers, slow burn, hurt/comfort

Taglist: @cloverdaisies @kimsohn @mosviqu @from-izzy @mars101 @stealanity @deoboyznet

Sana: this actually took everything in me to write 😭. Like I have never in my life ever written slow burn so this was definitely a challenge! A big thanks to @mosviqu @from-izzy (especially izzy for giving me all those correct punctuations and all 😭) and @o-onikix for beta reading this huge ass thing of mine 😭 (also to my irl friend for reading bits and pieces and giving me the confidence)

Word count: 13,785

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“Are you coming to the Christmas party?” You hear Soyeon ask you. Stopping in your tracks in the middle of the hallway, you turn around to face her again as you give out a small sigh at her repetitive question. The answer was going to be the same either way so you don’t understand why she is so persistent on getting you to come to the Christmas party.

“No, I don’t think I am coming to the Christmas party thanks for asking tho.” You say as you give out a small annoyed smile before you continued walking to your next class with Soyeon tailing behind you.

“But why? It’s the last party you will get!” She says once she catches up with you.

“There’s…there’s prom?” You say with your lips pressed in a straight line. Dropping by your locker you pick up a few extra books you needed for the next class.

“Which you will never attend! Come on, it’s gonna be so fun at the party.” She says with a pout resting upon her lips as she shakes your arms back and forth trying to convince you.

“Parties are not my thing. You know it and it’s like any other typical party I have attended in the past. There would be loud music, then of course, alcohol which was sneaked in by others and in every other corner would be people making out. On top of that, no one has asked me out yet.” You tell her before you push her away gently and close your locker with a thud.

“No one is asking you because they’re scared you will reject them like every time.” You hear Soyeon mumble with the small pout still resting upon her lips as she played with her sleeves trying to gain your sympathy which she was miserably failing at.

“Even if I do come I won’t enjoy it.” You point out as a matter of fact.

“What about Eric? He can ask you out!” She suggests totally ignoring the fact that you just said that you won’t enjoy the party either way. But you let out a snort when you register the fact that she just said that Eric could ask you out. At this point it was a normal thing for her, in every other conversation she would always manage to bring up Eric.

She thinks Eric is the perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for and from her point of view she says that Eric is totally smitten for you which is most definitely not true because after all you both are just really close friends.

Despite the sweet names he calls you by, holding your hand when it’s cold to warm you up, buying food for you as his treat, the occasional sleepovers at his place on every Friday as you both cuddled together on the same bed and of course the way he’s always looking after you no matter what.

You still remember the day when you had fallen sick and Eric by all means tried his best to manage everything on his own. From taking care of you to helping you complete your notes despite being from different majors.

“Eric? He’s just a friend, nothing more, nothing less.” Saying that you start walking away.

“I beg to differ, every other person thinks that you and Eric are dating!” Soyeon says with a whisper.

“I don’t care what every other person thinks and that’s not even true, I mean yeah I used to have a thing for Eric in the past but I am over it. He already likes someone else I guess…” you say, your voice coming out small.

Giving you a look Soyeon looks at you with a knowing look “Are you sure about that?” She says before stifling a laugh when she sees the glare you throw her way.

“Yes I am sure about that and as I said before Eric already likes some else..” you say with a slight groan at the end.

“What are you talking about? Eric and Yuna broke up months ago and not to say you’re still single. It’s a perfect opportunity!!” Soyeon says with an excited smile now playing upon her lips.

“Nah, Eric and me are better off as friends I’d say.” Saying that you walk away from Soyeon and enter your class.

Taking a seat at the very end of the class, you place your bag and books on the table before you get your headphones out.

Looking out the window you looked at the calm stretched morning, it was like any other day you would have. The professor was blabbing away about something you did not care enough to pay attention to.

You would catch up on it later on anyways but the morning was ruined when the door slammed open and one of your peers, Sunwoo walked in with rage.

Standing right in front of you he leaned down to speak with you, “How could you leave me yesterday night? After the amazing night we had you just storm out in the morning just like that with no other thought in mind?? How could you Y/N!?” Sunwoo screamed loudly as he continued, “I thought we were heading som-” Another uninvited yell cut him off. getting cut off Sunwoo was interrupted with another yell.

“What the hell man? How could you just barge in like that? I told you, Y/N is with me now.” You see Eric say as he approaches you and Sunwoo.

“You stay out of this Eric!” Sunwoo yells at him.

“Why? Just because you cannot have her why blame it on me?”

“You asked for it you little shit!” Sunwoo yells at Eric as he pounces on top of him.

Looking around the room you see everyone whisper things while watching the fight unfold in front of them, and if that was not enough in came Juyeon with a security guard outfit on as he blew the whistle to stop the two of them from fighting.

“All right that’s enough you two!” Juyeon yells as he goes over to both of them and picks them up by their collar before he turns around and looks at you while still having a hold of them. “Y/N you should be ashamed of yourself for toying with boys like this! They used to have pride, they used to have dignity and most of all they used to have balls!” Juyeon yells as he starts dragging both of them to the door before stopping midway “Damn it Y/N, give them back their balls!” Saying the last line all three of them exited the class before laughter began to erupt everywhere.

Looking around you slide down against the chair trying to hide yourself. You knew being friends with them meant having some crazy experiences but never did you ever think that they would do something like this.

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Sitting in the cafeteria with Soyeon, you listened to her babble about something that happened in her class before she stopped talking when Eric approached your table with Sunwoo and Juyeon by his side.

You just observed him take a seat beside you before he grabbed a French fry from your plate. Sighing you just pushed the bowl towards him, suddenly having no appetite.

“I hated the stunt you pulled in the class today. Like no I do not have your balls. Just because you’re the son of a rich man does not mean you do this.” You say with a solemn voice as you drink your cup of coffee.

“Seriously Y/N? Having coffee at lunchtime?” Eric asked with a deadpan expression as he looked at you with confusion totally ignoring about the fact that you were mad at him.

“No, don’t change the subject. I am still talking. I mean who in the right mind would do something like this? It's so humi-” Before you could finish your whole sentence your mouth was stuffed with a bunch of fries in your mouth. Chewing onto them you glared at Eric before you looked away from him.

“Okay, I am sorry I did that. How about I make up for pulling this stunt which was in your language very much absurd and humiliating?” You hear Eric ask you. Stopping yourself from taking any more sips of your now almost empty cup of coffee you gave him a look of suspicion, not believing him yet.

“And how will you do that?” You say with suspicion evident in your voice, you did not even try to hide it.

“I know about a carnival which is happening in my area. How about I take you there? Good enough?” Eric asks with his hand out for a handshake.

“You pay for everything and buy me a soft toy?” You ask with hesitation before you grab his hand and shake it to seal the deal.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart. So I’ll meet you at your place at 4?” He asks before standing up from the bench. Nodding your head you give him a small smile as you wave him goodbye.

“Looks like a date,” you hear Soyeon say once Eric leaves the cafeteria with Sunwoo and Juyeon. Throwing a glare at her you stand and gather your things getting ready to leave for your next class.

“It’s not a date, he’s just making up to me for the stunt he pulled on me today in my class which was by the-”

“Very humiliating and embarrassing. Gee, you said that already Y/N. Say whatever you want but I totally see you two dating in the near future.” She says with an irritatingly knowing voice as she blows a kiss towards your way before she watches your figure walking away.

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Standing outside your house you look at your watch in impatience, it was 4:02 and there was still no sight of Eric. Rather than being mad at him for being late you were rather more concerned about him, what if something happened to him on the way here? Is he alright or what if he had hurt himself really bad leading to him being late?

Your train of thoughts came to a stop when you saw Eric’s car pull up at your driveway. Heaving out a sigh of relief you walk towards his car and take a seat in the passenger seat.

“Why are you so late?” You ask him once you put on your seatbelt and sit comfortably on the seat.

“Only two minutes sweetheart, why so worked up?” Eric says with a chuckle as he gives your head a soft pat with a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“I was worried about you. What if something would have happened to you while coming here? How would I know? You did not even give me a call. Why were you even late?” You ask him again with a frown evident on your lips and your eyebrows raised up in a tense manner.

“Aww, you were worried about me, sweetheart?” He says in a sing-song voice as he starts the car.

“No, I was not. I was worried about the fact that you got in an accident before you took me to the carnival.” You lied to him trying to cover up for yourself, you did not want him to get cocky about this again.

It did not take long for both of you before you reached the carnival. Stopping the car in the parking lot Eric parked the car safely without bumping into anything (which you were surprised at because a normal person would have gotten distracted by your constant yapping unlike Eric who paid attention to every single word you said yet managed to park the car safely).

Getting out of the car and locking it, Eric came and stood by your side as he subtly took a hold of your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours as he started walking towards the entrance without looking at your now red blushing face.

“Where do you want to go first, sweetheart?” You heard Eric ask which snapped you out of your train of thoughts. Looking around the carnival you saw the area for the prize stuffed animals.

Without any thoughts, you started dragging Eric towards the area ignoring his shoutings which were telling you to slow down.

Stopping at the game you looked at Eric before looking back at the stuffed animals, raising your hand you pointed at the animal you wanted “Can you win the penguin stuffed animal for me?” You ask him.

“Um…yeah sure, why not if that’s what you want sweetheart,” Eric says as he takes the arrows given by the worker and looks at the balloons intently.

He had five arrows and five chances to win the toy. To get it he would have to pop three balloons. Observing the balloons, Eric moved his hair out of his eyes as he threw the first dart.

—x—

“Eric, this is your third time. You really don’t have to go to this extent to get me the toy you know? Why don’t we just go to the Ferris wheel hmm?” You ask him tiredly as you shake his arms.

“Shhh I am trying to concentrate here. You know, as they say, third time’s a charm. If I don’t succeed this time, I will leave it okay?” He says as he starts to throw darts again.

And he did it. He did win you the penguin.

“Here, I told you I would get you this so I did. Do you like it sweetheart?” Eric says as he pats your head gently and softly grips your hand again before he starts walking towards a different area.

Nodding your head you stare at the stuffed toy in your hand lovingly and bring it close to your chest giddily as you hug it close to your body tightly “I love it so much! Thank you for winning this for me. I will always keep it close to me.” You exclaim happily.

“I am glad you like it,” Eric says with a sheepish smile spread across his face, glad that you were happy with the prize he won.

“You wanna try that?” You hear Eric’s voice beam with excitement. Looking up you follow his gaze and see the paintballs area. Giving Eric a knowing smile, both of you run towards the place with your hands still intertwined together tightly.

—x—

Looking around the place cautiously you look down at your bag of colour balloons again. Counting the remaining balloons you take a deep breath in when you realise you still have 10 left. That should do for now then.

Your train of thoughts were interrupted when you felt a cold balloon hit your neck. Snapping your head back you notice Eric standing behind you, a white jumper on which now had a bunch of different colours splashed onto it.

His hair was now messy as he held the dirty, balloon-filled bag in his one hand while his other hand had a balloon.

Looking around frantically you hide behind a huge pipe as you grab a balloon and wait for Eric to show up. Taking a peak you immediately throw the balloon in his direction which in return hits him on his stomach.

You saw Eric running towards your direction, picking your pace up,you started running away only to be caught by him in no time.

“Thought you could get away from me sweetheart?” Eric says as he splashes the balloon on top of your head which makes the paint fly everywhere.

“Okay okay, I am done. I don’t have any more left.” You declare with a defeated sigh. Once Eric lets you go, you take a peek at him only to see him look around the place. Taking that as a chance you grab the last balloon you had and hit it on his head which makes his hair dye the colour of the balloon.

Taking his shock manner as a chance you run away from the scene with laughter blaring through your throat and a content smile spread across your face.

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Sitting on the table placed by the food truck, you stabbed your fork into the pasta that Eric had bought for you. Having a big bite you looked around the place, admiring the lively atmosphere, the little happy giggles coming from the kids who were happily spending time with their families.

You later saw Eric walking towards your direction with a box of donuts in one hand while his other held a large iced cup of cold drink.

Reaching your table he placed both of the stuff on the table as he himself took a seat in front of you in exhaustion.

“Here, have some donuts and cold drinks. The line was so long like who the fuck drinks so much liquid at a carnival?” Eric says in annoyance

You look down at the big cup in your hand and then back at Eric as you slowly keep it back on the table “Well…us.” You tell him awkwardly before you grab the cup again and take a sip from it.

Eric stares at you for a moment before he looks at the cup filled with iced coke, “I mean, other than us, why would anyone want to drink liquid? What if they have to pee after drinking so much coke?” He pointed out as he raised his hand to point at a guy behind you who was peeing by the trees.

Looking away immediately, you glare at Eric in disgust and trauma.

“I did not need to see that thank you very much.” You say sarcastically as you take a bite from the donut which was in front of you. “But why would they pee after drinking coke?”

“Why won’t they? It’s liquid sweetheart. Everyone needs to pee after drinking liquids, be it water, alcohol or cold drinks.” He says as he grabs your donut and takes a bite out of it.

“Hey that’s mine! Grab another one.” You say with a scowl on your face as you throw a nasty glare towards Eric.

“But I bought it!” Eric argues back only to sigh in defeat once he realised that he cannot win against you. “Fine fine, you have it.” He says with a roll of his eyes jokingly before he speaks up again. “So do you have any plans for the Christmas break?” He asks before taking a sip of the cold drink.

“Oh, I am gonna be spending some time with my boyfriend!” You beam with happiness, a cheeky smile resting upon your cheeks.

“What…boyfriend?” He asks with confusion all over his face. I mean from what he can remember you had never mentioned anything to him about you finding a partner, so this was a sudden news for him.

“He’s a bit older, has grey hair and a beard, but rest assured he’s like super hot.” You tell him, a smile still playing upon your lips

“Are you serious right now or…?” Eric asks in concern as he places his hands on top of yours, stopping you from eating “Sweetheart please don’t tell me your boyfriends an old creep. Where is he even from?”

“He’s from a city which is colder than it’s here. He came here for his break to spend some time with me. Cute right?” You give Eric a small smile as you grab a donut and take a bite out of it ignoring the concerned glance Eric was throwing your way.

“Are you actually serious about this or you’re just joking with me and pulling my leg again? If you're, I am telling you, this is not a funny sweetheart.” Eric rambled on as his hold on your hands tightened in worry.

“Of course, I am not serious, but do you know who else is old and hot?” You ask him with peak interest as you lean closer to him trying to build up some suspense for him which you were clearly failing at when you saw Eric looking at you with confusion before he muttered out a small ‘what?’

“Santa.” you say with a straight face. You noticed Eric’s lips twitching upwards as he tried to stop himself from letting out a small smile at your silly response.

“Well thank god you were just joking about that old guy thing.” Eric says with relief washed all over his face as he leaned back on the chair with ease.

“But you have to agree, Santa is really hot and sexy. Like have you seen that beard and that thick figure he has? Like damn daddy, have some mercy on me please.” You say to Eric with a straight face, enjoying the reaction he was giving you.

Eric licked his dry lips as he stayed quiet. Not knowing what to say with your ridiculous statement and the unwanted information he just received about what you think about Santa.

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, sweetheart.” Eric says as a small smile lingers on his lips. Man, was he smitten for you?

Yes, yes he was.

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Laying down on your bed you spent the night watching shows. Soyeon lays beside you as she used her phone paying no mind to the ridiculous comments you kept passing to her whenever a character did something insanely stupid or idiotic.

“Oh wait, you never told me how your date went with Eric?” Pausing the show you stared at Soyeon when she beamed at you with such a ridiculous question, a silly smile falling upon her face as she stared at you expectantly waiting for your response.

“What date?” You ask with boredom present in your voice as you stare at the wall, not having the courage to look at Soyeon in the eyes.

“You know! The date with Eric! The carnival!” She says now shaking your arm aggressively as she let out a small whine at your uncooperative ass.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about..” you say in a sing-song voice before you push her away as she dramatically falls off the bed onto the floor.

You heard a gasp leaving her lips, “My butt!” She exclaims.

From the corner of your eyes, you see Soyeon stand up before she grabs your laptop and closes it shut before you can even reply. Grabbing it, she placed it aside on the side table before she slammed her body down on you with force.

“Tell me about your date or else I am not getting up.” She says, her voice coming out muffled since her face was placed onto your shoulder.

“I did not go on a date with Eric first of all! He is just a friend and get off of me! You’re fucking heavy!” You cry out in pain, your voice coming out a bit heavy because of the force Soyeon was putting onto your body, tho half of it was acting she does not have to know about that now, does she?

“Okay okay, whatever you say! Just tell me how your night went with Eric!” Soyeon screams in frustration as she stands up from the floor and looks up at you.

“What do you mean by my night? That sounds so wrong…you make it sound like Eric and I banged together…” you say with a pout as you play with your sleeves acting as if you were shy.

“Well…did you?” She says with suspicion evident on her face and her tone as she squinted her eyes at you while leaning down with her hands on her hips.

“No!” You scream at her as you throw the nearest pillow you caught at her. Throwing a glare in her direction you stay quiet. “Now I don’t feel like telling you about my friendly date with Eric.” You tell her as you show her your tongue and look away from her, sulking.

Hearing you say that, Soyeon groans in frustration as she sits down beside you on the bed again. “Don’t be like this. Tell me please,” she pleads while batting her eyelashes to you, a way to gain your sympathy back.

Groaning at her behaviour you close your eyes with the palms of your hands as a way to protect yourself from the sight in front of you. “Fine! Just stop whatever the fuck that is. It’s making me nauseous geez.” You say with a whine.

Hearing you say that Soyeon immediately stops batting her eyelashes as she sits straight while clearing her throat, “Go on.”

“Well nothing much happened, he won a soft toy for me, played a few games-”

“What kind of games?” Soyeon interrupts you in excitement.

“Paint balls…”

“Aww you guys had a date which was in 10 things I hate about you! So cute!” Soyeon squeals. Looking at her in disbelief and disgust you sigh as you continue what you were saying.

“We then ate, chatted a bit and he dropped me of. That’s it.” You tell her what happened.

“That’s it? No kissing? No nothing?” She says with disappointment in her tone of voice.

“Why would that happen? Come on grow up. Mine and Eric’s love life is way different, and his and my type are also very much different. He likes girls who are much…how do I say it…calm?” You say with a question mark evident on your features.

Soyeon shakes her head in disappointment as she lays down on her back on the bed “When will you both understand about the feelings you guys hold for each other?” Soyeon says mostly to herself but you catch on to it but decide to say nothing on it.

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Sitting at the back of the class you sketch in your notebook as you don’t pay attention to what your classmates are talking about.

Sighing, you look up for a bit and notice Sangyeon entering the classroom, dropping down your pencil on the notebook you wait for Sangyeon to approach you.

Picking up your bag, you keep it aside and wait for Sangyeon to take a seat beside you.

“Hey, what are you doing?” You hear Sangyeon ask you once he reaches your place. Giving him a small smile you look down at your sketchbook and then back up at him

“Nothing, was just sketching. What are you doing here though?” You ask with expectant eyes.

It was not that common for Sangyeon to be in your classes. He was in a different major so it was very uncommon for both of you to cross each other’s paths unless you both met at a party or just in the cafeteria where your other friends would be.

“Are you free this Saturday? Some of us are going out after our afternoon classes. Maybe you could join us?” Sangyeon suggests as he looks into your eyes with expectation

“I don’t know…do we have to bring someone along with us?”

“It’s not necessary, if you want to you can. Eric is bringing this…Yuna girl with him to tag along. You can bring someone if you want. Maybe Soyeon?” Sangyeon gives you a suggestion.

You just stare at him blankly when you hear him say about Eric bringing Yuna with him. You thought they had broken up…but maybe not? It was all just a rumour then, huh?

But what about the time you both spent together that day at the carnival? Was it not a date? Wait of course not, you guys are just friends. That’s it, right? Right?

“He got back together with Yuna?” You question Sangyeon, your voice wavering a bit at the end.

You don’t know why you’re even upset when you hear Sangyeon say this. You should be happy right? Happy for Eric getting back in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend? Happy for his love life at least going somewhere? But you were not happy. Not even a bit.

It’s as if someone had punched you hard in the gut which caused you to stop breathing and you felt like you were gonna faint any moment.

“I…I don’t know. He just said something about him inviting Yuna. I was not paying that much attention. I am sorry but is there something wrong? You don’t look so well right now.” Sangyeon said with concern laced in his voice.

“I am fine, yeah I just…I just need some alone time. I should get going. See you around!” You tell him as you tuck your hair behind your ear and start packing up your stuff.

“Wait! Are you going to come with us on Saturday? You can decline if you don’t want to. It’s alright-” Before Sangyeon could finish his sentence you stopped in your tracks as you turned back around and took a deep breath in before speaking again.

“I will come on Saturday. Don’t worry!” Saying that you rushed out of the classroom to your dorm.

You needed to vent this feeling to someone and there was no other person who could help you other than Soyeon.

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Entering the dorm you looked around the living room for any signs of Soyeon. Calling out her name you heard her voice in the kitchen.

Running towards the kitchen you just stood in front of Soyeon with tear-filled eyes, “I think you were right, So” You say softly as you looked up at the ceiling trying your best not to let your tears flow.

“What are you talking about Y/N? What was I right about? I mean I am always right..” she said in a joking manner but stopped immediately when she saw your tear-stained cheeks.

“I think I do have feelings for my best friend after all…” you say your voice barely above a whisper but Soyeon heard it crystal clear.

“I would have said told you so but looking at your condition, I think I can postpone it.” She says as she walks towards you and holds you in her arms. “Now would you tell me why you’re crying over the fact that you actually do have feelings for Eric? Shouldn’t you be thinking about how to confess to him or something?” She says to you while rubbing your arms to create some kind of warmth and comfort.

“He is…he i…back with Yuna I guess…” you tell her softly as you bury your face in her neck trying to control your uncontrollable sobbing.

“What?? But didn’t he break up with her?” Soyeon asks in shock as she stops rubbing your arms and pulls away from you to take a look at your now red eyes and tear-stained face.

“Well I thought so too but Sangyeon said that he invited Yuna over to the place they’re going on Saturday and I don’t know what to do. What if I lose him? I don’t want that!” You say with panic filling your voice.

“Don’t worry. I won’t let that happen. You and Eric are destined to be together and I know that Yuna is not permanent...I guess. I mean I hope so.” She said as she chuckled nervously while scratching her nape.

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Entering the barbecue place, you immediately noticed your group of friends sitting by a table in a circle. Soyeon decided to tag along with you as she had nothing better to do, I mean better for you.

Reaching the table you noticed that Eric was sitting beside Yuna as they both chatted without even sharing anyone else a glance.

“Oh Y/N! Great, you're here!” You heard Sangyeon beam making you divert your attention to him as you gave him a small smile and took a seat beside him as Soyeon sat beside Sunwoo.

“Yeah me and Soyeon had nothing else to do so thought why not just join you guys.” You say with a small chuckle.

“I am glad. Would you like a drink?” Sangyeon asks as he leans forward to grab a bottle of beer only to be stopped by you.

“No no, it’s okay. I don’t really drink much.” You tell him as you grab his hand so that he doesn’t get the bottle of beer.

“Well if you say so,” Sangyeon says as he pulls back and gets more comfortable beside you.

—x—

The night was still young. Most of the guys were drunk as they sang some songs the whole time while eating.

The whole time you tried your best to not steal glances at Eric but whenever you did, you always saw him chatting with Yuna, and every time you saw that you felt your heart ache in pain. You desired to be there instead of her but that’s not gonna happen, you both are just friends after all.

Looking around the restaurant you started to have trouble breathing. As if you were getting suffocated in there. The place was getting too stuffed for you.

Standing up you excuse yourself from the group as you walk away once you grab your bag and phone.

In the rush of getting yourself out of the place, you failed to notice the pair of eyes which followed your every moment, till he himself stood up and decided to follow you out.

—x—

Sitting down on the footpath with your heels in your hands you stared down at the ground with no thoughts in your mind.

Placing your heels down on the ground, you bring your arms up to cover and warm yourself up by the cold. You were already heartbroken, you wouldn’t want to catch a cold on top of that too knowing he wouldn’t be there to look after you since he is now a taken man.

“Hey,” you hear a voice say behind you. Already knowing that it is none other than Eric you don’t bother enough to look back up at him as you just continue staring ahead of you with no particular thought in mind.

You noticed him take a seat beside you on the footpath by your peripheral vision, you did not even bother enough to say anything back.

“Why are you out here alone? You might catch a cold sweetheart..” Eric says softly before he removes his jacket and places it on top of your shoulders.

Shrugging the jacket off you give it back to him without looking him in the eye. “You don’t have to do this anymore. People might get a wrong idea or something since you’re now back together with Yuna.” You mutter under your breath as you place the jacket on his lap.

“Why are you acting so cold towards me out of nowhere sweetheart?” Eric whispers softly as he tries to hold onto your cold hand only to get pushed away by you.

“Do you not get it? Eric…you’re now back together with Yuna! You cannot act like this with me now. People will think you’re cheating on her or something and I don’t want to be the other woman in a relationship.” You tell him what you had in mind as you take in a deep breath trying not to lash out at him and say something you don’t want to.

“Sweetheart, what me and Yuna have is totally temporary. I like our relationship, I like the fact that you’re my best friend.” You close your eyes in pain when you hear him say that you’re just his best friend. Exactly, nothing more nothing less. Those were also the words you said to Soyeon so why do you loathe these words now? It’s not like the meaning has changed or anything but your feelings surely did.

“That’s the thing Eric, I…” you inhale a deep breath in as you stop yourself from saying what you have been meaning to say. Yes, you liked Eric but ruining your friendship with him just for that is not worth it. Because even if you do get into a relationship with him, which is nearly impossible, what if you both break up? Your friendship and your relationship would be ruined forever.

“Sweetheart, please tell me. Don’t keep your feelings bottled up.” Eric says as he leans forward towards you and brings your body closer to his warmer one as he held your shoulders in a tight grip while giving your forehead light kisses to calm you down.

Just being in his arms at that moment made you break down in front of him. Your eyes immediately turned red, your nose turning a shade of pink as your cheeks started to get stained with your tears.

You saw Eric raising his other hand as he gently wiped your tears away, “Just tell me when you’re ready. I am always here for you.” Eric says softly

Taking a deep breath in you collect yourself together as you lean away from his warm embrace, you immediately feel the cold envelop you making your hands shake from the cold.

“Eric I…I like you. I never thought that I would ever have feelings for you in this way but the more time we spend together, the more my feelings grew. I always denied this feeling whenever Soyeon said anything but when I heard Sangyeon tell me that you’re back together with Yuna…I just felt my stomach drop. I felt hurt all over, I could not breathe properly because that was the time I realised that…that maybe I like you more than a friend. Now I know that we would never get together because of our differences but I just feel like you needed to know about this since well you’re my best friend and I tell you everything. I totally understand if you need some time away from me since this might have been a shock for you but please, don’t break up our friendship.” You say everything you ever wanted to let Eric know. You knew that this was probably a bad decision but you just had to let him know. “I should go now…see you around?”

You were about to get up when you felt a hand grip your wrist stopping you from getting up. Looking down at your wrist you noticed Eric holding onto it.

“Do you really like me?” He says as he leans closer towards you, his hand still gripping your wrist. Nodding a bit, you notice him lean even more closer as he leaves your hand and grabs a hold of your cheeks.

Both of his hands cradles your cheeks as he holds them delicately, staring deep into your eyes his gaze moves down towards your lips before he looks back up at you.

Placing your hand on his chest, you stop him before he manages to kiss you, “You cannot do this. You’re in a relationship with Yuna, it’s…it’s wrong.”

Groaning at your answer Eric goes back to his original place not having the energy to argue at what you said because no matter what, he was not a man who would cheat on a woman to be with another.

He was gonna kiss you because he was not in the right state of mind, right? Not because he might also be having feelings for you? No, he wouldn’t, if he did he would not have been in a relationship with Yuna.

“Oh Y/N! Great, you're here…with Eric?” You hear a voice say behind you. Looking back you notice Sangyeon coming out with a drunk Soyeon leaning on his shoulders.

Giving him a small wave you stand up from the footpath and walk towards him before getting a hold of Soyeon. “Yeah. I was just about to leave, I can take Soyeon back home. You can go back in and enjoy.” You tell him as you give him a soft smile.

“No, let me drop you off. Soyeon is already drunk so I will just drive you back to your dorm. I have my car with me.” Sangyeon says before he starts walking away with Soyeon still in his hold only to stop midway and turn back around to look at Eric. “You might want to go in and check up on your girlfriend Eric. She’s drunk and trying to kiss Sunwoo…” Sangyeon tells Eric with slight disappointment laced in his tone.

Giving Sangyeon a small nod, Eric looks at you with a longing gaze as he watches you walk away with Sangyeon and Soyeon.

Heading back towards the restaurant he opens the door and sighs tiredly when he sees Yuna babbling some incoherent words because of how drunk she is.

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Sitting by the kitchen counter you stare at Soyeon as she drinks the coffee you made for her.

“I am having such a bad headache…” she mumbles as she takes the last sip of the coffee and places the cup down on the table before she diverts her attention to you.

“So…are you gonna tell me about what happened yesterday or?” You breathe out a sigh as you place your head on your palms in agony.

“I confessed to Eric…” you tell her the truth. You could hear her let out a small gasp in surprise as she stood up from her seat and sat down beside you.

“What did he say?” She asks with her hands on your shoulder before she forcefully makes you face her.

“Nothing…but I think he was gonna kiss me if I had not stopped him..” you say with a frown resting upon your lips before you shrug off her hands and gaze at the floor.

“He what??!” Soyeon screams in shock, “You know what Y/N? I cannot look at you being heartbroken like this anymore. Why don’t you go on a date? Maybe that would make you feel better.” Soyeon says as a suggestions

“But I don’t think it would be fair for the other person knowing I still have feelings for someone else…” you tell her.

“It’s just one date. If you don’t like him you don’t have to go again and it’s not a big deal. He’s a friend of my friend so it won’t affect anyone. What do you say?” She asks as she stands up from her place and grabs her phone to make a few quick phone calls.

“If you say so…”

“Well, it’s done then! I will inform my friend to let her friend know about this.” Soyeon tells you with a smile resting on her lips. Returning the smile you look away from her and stare out the window with thoughts flooding your mind.

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Sitting alone in the bar you looked around in discomfort. Maybe coming to a bar alone with a man you just met today really was a bad idea? I mean...you did not know him personally except for the fact that Soyeon was a friend of his friend.

Agreeing to come to this date really made you fall back into this slump you were in. Because your love life was so bad that you had to go to this extent, meet up with a guy you barely knew, only for him to turn out to be this crazy person.

I mean, no one would want to be cramped in a car with 5 men they never met only to smell all the weed and cigarettes they were smoking on your face as they leaned onto you with no care in the world. This would barely even be considered as a date. Because who in their right mind does this on their first date? Does this person even know that this was a date?

Being lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice the now-approaching man, the man Soyeon thought would be good enough for now. I mean you cannot blame her completely because she did not know how he was.

Her friend told her that he was a good guy so Soyeon thought it was a perfect opportunity to match you up with him. Oh boy, Soyeon was gonna have it from you once you reach back home.

“We’re planning on going to the pool which is nearby. Come on, let’s go.” You felt startled when you heard him say that. Because no way in hell would you want to go to some random pool with a bunch of strangers who were high and drunk. You were sooo dreading this night you were in.

“I think I will pass on that. I will just leave now but thanks for the offer, Jonah.” You say with a slight smile as you start gathering your stuff, which is not much considering you only had your sling bag and phone with you.

“Oh let me drop you off…” he did not get to finish his sentence as he trailed off once his attention went back to his group of friends who did not seem to have a sense of reality whatsoever.

“It’s okay. It looks like your friends need you more than me. I will be fine.” You reassure him as you watch him walk out of the bar with his friends without looking back.

Sighing you open your wallet to pay for the beverage you bought for yourself.

“Fuck…,” Standing up from your seat you approach the nearest waitress you say, “Hi, could you tell me where the nearest ATM is?” You ask nervously.

“Oh, it’s a few blocks down, but I wouldn’t recommend walking there alone at night in this area. Many crazy stories about this place you know?” She says that as she walks away with a tray of drinks in her hand.

Sighing deeply, you slump down on your seat again as you stare at the contacts on your phone.

You most definitely did not want to call him knowing he was with his dear, bitchy girlfriend. But you had no option. It’s not like you want to risk your life going out in search of an ATM to take out some money. You had enough adventure today as it was.

You hated yourself for only thinking about him the whole time, the fact that he was the first person to come to your mind when you got yourself in this situation.

Biting on your nails, you nervously clicked on his contact name before putting your phone close to your ear, waiting for him to pick up as you looked around the bar once more.

“Hi, Eric. It's me…are you free right now?” You ask nervously. You tried paying attention to his background noises. So far, you could not hear a sound. The good thing was that you did not hear his annoying girlfriend's voice which made you feel somewhat better.

“Yes, yes I am. Are you in trouble or something?” He replied as you heard some shuffling noises coming from the background as if he was in a hurry.

“Yes, I am stuck in this bar and I have no cash with me and these people don’t accept credit cards and you were the first person who came in my mind to contact. I am so sorry if I am disturbing you.” You kept on rambling on as you felt as if you were a burden to him. I mean…you should be able to take care of yourself, but instead, you were asking your best friend to come pick you up from this unknown place you were stuck in.

And knowing what you two almost did yesterday made this situation all the more awkward for you.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. Just send me your location, I am already in the car.” You heard Eric say. Ending the call you send him your location as you look around the bar while hugging your body.

—x—

“Eric!” You call out his name once you see him enter the bar.

“Hey, oh god thank god you’re okay. So what happened? What are you doing here?” He asks as he sits down in front of you.

“I feel so stupid, so Soyeon had this friend who knew this guy I was on a somewhat date with. From what Soyeon said the guy was in diapers or something.”

“The boy was in diapers?” Eric asks questionably as he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“No, Soyeon said her friend knew him when he was in diapers but that’s not the point. I thought this date might go well, I might get myself a potential boyfriend, but no! The boy turned out to be a maniac. He was drinking, and smoking and god I hope he did not do drugs and that’s when I realised, that these are the last people I want to spend my last moments on Earth with. Like no what if I die in a car crash with them? I don’t want that and did I tell you how stupid I felt? Because I thought it was going to be a nice date but it turns out he had brought his friends with him and then oh god…” you sigh in frustration as you lay your head on your arms, tired from the events. “And I did not even eat anything since breakfast and I am starving but I have no money. How pathetic can I be?” You say to yourself while you stomp your foot on the ground in agony.

“Uh, I have money. I can pay for the meal, what do you want?” Eric asks softly as he asks for the menu to the waitress passing by.

“Do you want this to go on the tab?” She asks while handing out the menu to Eric. Looking at her in confusion, Eric stares back at you thinking you would know what she was talking about. “Oh, the card is still open. You can still order.” She says with a smile.

Giving Eric a look you look down at the menu. “Put your wallet away. Would you like to start with starters??” You ask Eric as you already start pointing out the dishes you want to have.

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“Whoa, I am full after having all of that.” You announce once both of you are seated in the car. Putting on your seatbelt you stare out the window.

“So um should I drop you off at your dorm?” Eric asks once he starts the car.

Looking back at him, you give him a nod. You knew he wanted to talk about that day again but you also knew about the fact that if he does bring it up, there is a huge possibility that you would have a breakdown.

The whole car ride there was silence. Both of you did not speak a single word to each other. To make the situation less awkward Eric did play the songs on the radio on low volume.

Reaching your dorm, you undo your seatbelt as you stare ahead of you not knowing what to say anymore.

“So um see you around I guess?” You hear Eric says as he breaks the awkward silence. Looking at him, you nod your head as you put your hand on the car door to unlock it only to get stopped in the middle.

“Wait, Y/N! I need to let you know something…” Eric speaks up before you could even leave the car.

You could feel him grab onto your hand as he made you sit back down on the seat.

“I hope you know that I do like you. I know that I said I only look at you as my best friend but…but maybe I feel something more than that? I am still trying to understand my feelings for you completely but please don’t shut me out like this. I don’t think I can ever go on with my life without you.” Eric says as he leans forward towards you and gently places his hand on your cheeks before he looks into your eyes.

“Please don’t leave me like this, sweetheart.” Eric whispers softly. Your gaze unknowingly travels to his lips as you bring your lips closer to his.

Softly placing your lips onto his you start moving them in sync with each other, his chapped lips on your soft ones felt like a perfect pair to you.

Bringing your hands up to his chest you deepen the kiss more, moving your lips in sync you could feel his hands roaming all over your body.

Entangling your hands with his hair you pull on them a bit making Eric open his mouth which gave you an access to enter your tongue in.

You could feel both of your tongue’s fighting each other when you suddenly snapped out of it and pushed Eric away from you.

From the corner of your eyes, you could feel Eric look at you with a hurt gaze but before he could even speak up you had already opened the car door and stepped out of it, “See you around!” You say that in a hurry as you close the door with a small thud and walk away from there to your dorm.

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Closing the main door you slide down with your back against it. Bringing your hand up to your chest you hold it as you take in a few deep breaths.

“Y/N! Are you home?” You heard Soyeon shout from the living room. Not giving her an answer back you just stay on the floor not knowing what to do anymore.

You did not know why you did whatever you did back there. I mean kissing a taken man? That’s not good. Then making out with him? That’s worse.

“Oh god! Y/N! What happened??” You hear Soyeon shout in distress as runs towards you before sitting herself down on the floor with you.

“Did something happen at the date? Oh god, I am so sorry. I should have asked my friend more about that guy before setting you up. Did he turn out to be a total creep and a jerk?” Soyeon rambles off before she helps you take off your coat while you were still on the floor.

“I kissed him..” you tell her with your eyes staring at the wall which was in front of you, “I kissed him Soyeon and he’s…he’s taken. I am horrible…” you say with your voice wavering at the end.

You could feel the tears sliding down your cheeks which you did not bother enough to wipe.

“You kissed Jonah? Why?” Soyeon says in confusion as she takes a seat beside you before bringing her legs close to her chest as she rests her head on her knees and stares at you.

Slowly bringing her hand up she pulls your head towards her as she gently places it on her shoulder.

“I kissed Eric…” you say softly.

“What…but isn’t he?” Soyeon did not bother enough to complete her sentence.

“Exactly! I am so horrible. I cannot believe I let my feelings get the best of me. He practically cheated on Yuna with me…” you say with a crack in your voice. Sniffling, you look at Soyeon with sadness feeling your eyes. “Please don’t leave me just for this. I promise I am not a horrible person.” You cry out before your sobs grew harsher with each second.

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Sitting in the cafeteria alone you kept on playing with your food. It had been days since your last encounter with Eric.

He had not been coming to school ever since you guys kissed in his car, some part of you was glad that he did not attend the school because then that meant you wouldn’t have to face him but the other part of you was rather more worried about him.

All those what if’s returning to your mind, is he hurt, is he sick, did he wrap himself up in some kind of trouble? But your questions were left unanswered.

Sighing, you grab your bag as you start walking away from the cafeteria to the place where Eric’s best friend would most certainly be at.

You had to know if Eric was alright, all you needed to hear from them was that ‘Yes Y/N, Eric is alright. You don’t have to worry too much.’ That would at least make you worry less and not stress over anything.

Reaching the back of the school you see Juyeon and Sunwoo talking with each other as they played some video games on their phone.

Walking towards them, you stand in front of them grabbing their attention “Oh hey Y/N, what makes you come here?” Juyeon asks with his eyes still glued to the screen.

“Nothing, I just wanted to know something. That’s all. Could you stop playing for a moment and pay attention?” You ask both of them, now getting annoyed at their behaviour and lack of attention.

Pausing the game Juyeon and Sunwoo look up at you with a confused face, “What’s up?” Sunwoo says awkwardly. Not knowing how to react to your sudden appearance

“Do you know where Eric is?” You ask them the question straight away. Not having the energy to beat around the bush anymore.

“Ah, did you not call him?” Juyeon says as if it was a normal thing for you. I mean normally it was, but not after you kissed your best friend and then walked away when you got back to your senses knowing that he is taken.

“If I would have called him I wouldn’t have been here now, would I Juyeon?” You say sarcastically as you flick his forehead in irritation and also because of how stupid his question was.

“Ow sorry and to answer your question Eric caught a…a cold a few days back so he was taking a break?” Juyeon says to you. From the way he was talking, it felt as if he himself did not know what he just said.

Looking back at Sunwoo you throw a glare in his direction when you notice him laughing at Juyeon. Seeing you look at him like that he immediately stopped laughing as he looked down at the ground too scared to look you in the eyes.

“Fine then, if that’s what you say so.” Saying that to them you walk away from the place with numerous thoughts floating in your mind.

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The next day when you entered the school hallway with Soyeon by your side, your eyes moved all over the place in search of Eric.

Walking towards your locker with Soyeon you noticed Eric standing by the class door with Juyeon, talking with him.

Handing all your books to Soyeon, you took big steps towards Eric, “Eric! Wait!” You shouted out his name only to get no response in return.

What you did not expect was for him to walk right past you without sparing you a glance. Stopping dead in your tracks you move your body around and stare at Eric’s figure walking away.

You noticed Juyeon turning his head back and looking at you with sympathy as he mouthed out a ‘sorry’ on behalf of Eric you suppose.

Giving him a small nod and a wave, you go towards Soyeon again as you take your books back from her hands, “Let’s go?” You say quietly as you start walking away from the place without letting her speak anything any further.

“I am sorry…” Soyeon says to you softly as he interlocks her hands with yours as she starts walking with you.

Giving her a smile you look down at the ground not knowing what to do anymore.

You knew you messed up when you initiated the kiss first. But did Eric really have to ignore you like that?

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It had been a few days since you last saw Eric again, he has been really irregular at school so confronting him face-to-face was not an option.

You tried everything, you called him, texted him, hell you even went over to his house but there was no answer.

The more time passes, the more worried you’re getting. Is he avoiding you on purpose? Is all of this happening just because of you? All you wanted to do at this point was make everything right but you could not do that. Not with the way Eric was treating you.

Is he now avoiding you on purpose? There were so many thoughts in your mind, so many questions but they remained unanswered.

Groaning in frustration you grab your coat and storm out of the house to go over at Juyeon’s. You were gonna get answers from him today, if he does not give you a proper answer you won’t let him off the hook and that’s for sure.

—x—

Stopping your car in front of his house, you stare at his front door with hesitation filling your body. Should you really be doing this? What if you’re crossing the boundary by doing this? Is this too much? Probably not right? I mean Eric did not break off your friendship with him just yet.

Stepping out of the car you lock it as you take slow, hesitant steps towards Juyeon’s house.

Ringing the doorbell, you wait for him to open the door. Okay, there’s still some time. You can just turn around and leave the place right now. That way you won’t have to confront him about Eric again.

Getting ready to turn around you were stopped by a voice calling out your name, “Y/N! Surprised to see you here…what brings you here tho?” You hear Juyeon ask with surprise laced in his tone of voice.

Looking at him with an awkward smile plastered on your face, you lick your lips thinking of the right words to say to him.

“May I come in first?” You say nervously as you shift your weight from one foot to another.

“Yeah sure, you’re always welcome. Come in…” Juyeon says as he steps aside for you to enter his house.

Removing your coat, Juyeon takes it from your hand and hangs it on the coat hanger as he leads you towards the living room.

“Want some hot chocolate? I was making some for myself…” Juyeon says as he walks towards the kitchen with you tailing behind him.

Taking a seat by the counter you shake your head as a no as you clear your throat, “I am here to speak with you about something that has been bugging me…” you tell him before you stare at his back.

You notice how he stopped pouring the hot chocolate into his cup before he turned around to give you his full attention, “Is this about Eric?” Juyeon asks slowly before he takes a seat in front of you.

Nodding your head you suck in a deep breath, “You see, I have been trying to reach him for days but he isn’t responding to any of my texts or calls. I even went over to his house but there was no answer. I know he is your closest friend and the fact that he shares everything with you so I probably know that you must be having an idea on why he is doing this. Please just tell me…” you say on the verge of tears.

“Y/N I don’t know if I have the right to tell you about what’s happening with Eric right now. Look, I know what you’re going through is really tough but…” juyeon stops talking when he sees the tears coming out of your eyes. “Y/N no…” Juyeon sighs softly as he stands up from his seat and pulls out a chair to sit down beside you.

“We’ve always shared everything, you know? And him just shutting me out like this suddenly pains me. I know I was at fault for kissing him but I regret it immensely right now because I certainly know that I might have ruined his relationship with Yuna. Look, all I want to do right now is just make things right with him. Just tell me where he is and I promise I won’t trouble you again.” You beg to him, sniffing you look at Juyeon with your red eyes and nose.

“If you say so. Eric’s at the hospital, his dad's been severely ill for the past few weeks which has led to him missing out on school and everything. Now I know that I told you this but don’t tell Eric. He did not want you to worry too much about him.” Juyeon says as he stands up and brings you a glass of water.

Getting a hold of the glass you take a few sips as you place the glass down on the counter again. “Thank you so much.” You say as you stand up from your chair, “Are you guys gonna plan something for his birthday tomorrow?” You ask him right before leaving.

Thinking for a bit Juyeon shakes his head as a no “He did not want us to do anything this time. He said he would be too busy tomorrow to even think about that.”

Nodding to his words you grab onto the door handle only to get stopped when Juyeon spoke again “Hey Y/N…”

Turning around you look at Juyeon with a slight frown on your face, “Yeah?”

“Please take care of yourself…” he says softly before giving your back a gentle pat.

Nodding to his words with a small smile on your face you open the door and walk towards your car, now somewhat feeling relieved.

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Standing in front of the hospital you look down at the cake which you had bought just for Eric. You knew that he would be busy looking after his father so the least you could do for now is buy him a cake so he can at least celebrate his birthday today.

Entering the hospital you go to the receptionist. “Hi, I am looking for Eric Sohn, his father was admitted recently.” You tell the woman sitting at the front.

You see her slide down her glasses as she stares at you for a minute or so before she starts flipping through the pages in front of her with no questions asked.

“Mr.Sohn is on the first floor, room number 111 and here’s your visiting ID. Do not lose it.” She says sternly before she goes back to doing her work.

Nodding at her words, you immediately scurry away from there.

Entering the elevator you press on the first floor button as you wait in silence. You did not know what to say to Eric once you met him.

You guys were never this awkward. Even when the first time you both met, the conversation with you both just flowed right.

Never did you ever think you would be in such an awkward position when it came to Eric and this just made you feel worse than you already were.

—x—

Reaching the floor you start walking towards the room Eric’s dad was in.

Standing in front of the door you stare at the scene in front of you through the glass window.

There stood Eric holding his dad's hand in his own hands as he spoke to himself. You could see that he was shaking, probably because of the cold or the fact that he was in fact crying.

Knocking on the door you wait for Eric to look up at you, once he did divert his attention in your direction you could feel yourself forgetting how to breathe when you saw his face.

He looked pale, probably a bit thinner than he used to. He most certainly lost a bit of weight which made you feel like you just hit rock bottom because why were you not with him when he needed someone by his side the most?

Taking a step back, you wait for Eric to collect himself together because obviously, this was a shock for him seeing you here in the flesh after not responding or talking with you for days.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” Eric asks you once he comes out of the room after trying to make himself look presentable enough.

“It’s your birthday, so I brought you a cake.” You say with a smile playing upon your face as raise your hand up to show him the bag which had his favourite cake in it.

“Who told you about me being here?” Eric asks, his voice sounding serious yet it still held that gentleness in him that he always has when talking with you.

“That does not matter. What matters is that I am here for you right now. Please just…just celebrate your birthday with me?” You ask him softly as you walk backwards and sit on the seats which were placed outside. “Look I know you’re in a rough spot right now, but all I ask from you today is for you to spare a few minutes max to max and just celebrate your birthday. I promise I won’t ever trouble you again.” You say the last line with difficulty.

Sighing Eric walks towards you as he sits down beside you. Closing his eyes he makes a wish as he blows out the candles which you had lit for him.

Opening them up, Eric cuts the cake as he feeds you a piece of it.

—x—

Taking a stroll on the rooftop of the hospital, both of you talked with each other about what you have been missing out on.

You kept Eric updated on all the things that have been happening in school since he has been missing out a lot. You told him how Soyeon almost choked Sunwoo because of how annoying he was. In her defence, Sunwoo had no reason to keep on troubling her and in the end, Sunwoo did get what he deserved.

You also promised to keep him updated on all the classes he has been missing out on despite being from different majors, which Eric was immensely grateful for.

Stopping by the railings, you and Eric stared at the night sky, the moon which was now shining brightly as you looked for stars that were covered by the clouds.

“Y/N, I have been meaning to tell you this…” you hear Eric say with a serious voice. Turning your gaze to him you notice him looking at you with no expressions on his face.

“Look, I…I like you sweetheart. I really do. The time we spent apart these past few days, I understood my feelings towards you. But at the moment, I really don’t have the time to commit to a proper relationship yet. I don’t think I have it in me to be in a committed relationship and with everything going on, I don’t know if I can truly give you the proper attention you deserve. I know you like me, I like you too but…now’s not the right time. I don’t even know when my dad will be all better. Hell, I don’t even know if I can still come to school regularly. I am so sorry.” Eric says as a tear rolls down his pale cheek.

Wiping the lone teardrop, you give him a small broken smile as you immediately take a step back, too afraid you would do something you would regret later on.

“Well, at least you told me about this.” You say as you sniffle. Looking up at the dark sky you try to keep your tears in which Eric immediately took a notice of.

“No, no please don’t cry because of me, sweetheart..” Eric says softly as he immediately engulfs your smaller figure in his own warm one as he tries his best to comfort you by keeping your body close to his and hugging you tightly.

Pushing him away gently you take another step back before you give him a shake of your head. “I think it’s best if I leave now…” you say, your voice wavering a bit at the end “Happy Birthday though…” you say with a small smile.

Saying that you immediately walk away from there, not having enough courage or the energy to look Eric in the eye after what he just said.

You knew you should not have kissed him. This is all because of you, and now because of this small mistake, you lost a friendship that you used to value and love so deeply.

Meanwhile all Eric did was watch you walk away from him with tears rolling down his cheeks.

Kneeling down on the ground he brought his knees closer to his chest as he started sobbing, his body shaking violently with each sob leaving his mouth.

All he wanted at that moment was for your arms to be around his body, hug him closely but that was not possible since you were not there with him anymore. He had lost you, forever.

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Entering the dorm, you don’t care enough to inform Soyeon about your arrival. Entering your room you slump down on your bed with a tired sigh leaving your mouth.

You could feel your body giving up, you don't even know what you’re going to do anymore at this point. You did everything you could to make things right but nothing worked.

What if you would have not went over to Juyeon’s house, would things right now be different, maybe even better? Or maybe if you would not have gone over to Eric today, to celebrate his birthday this would not have even happened.

Biting onto your pillow you stop yourself from letting out the sobs you were dying to let out. You knew Soyeon was sleeping right now, you did not want to be a burden to her anymore.

“Y/N? Are you okay babe?” You heard Soyeon’s soft voice speaking through the doorway as she slowly opened the door to your room and let herself in.

“No Y/N…” Soyeon says mostly to herself as she immediately joins you on your bed. Lying down beside you, she hugged your body closer to hers from the back as she patted your head whispering sweet things in your ear, hoping that would calm you down.

“I am so pathetic, So…I just…I wish I could just die right now. I cannot believe I just ruined my friendship with Eric. I…” you could not even get yourself to finish the sentence as you let out harsh sobs, not being able to control them anymore “I ruined everything…” you say as a hiccup leaves your mouth.

“Shh, Y/N if anything Eric is also with you in this. It’s not like the kiss was one-sided. He kissed you back…” Soyeon says as she continues to pat your head.

The entire night, all you could remember was crying your eyes out as you spoke incoherent words to Soyeon. You knew you were gonna have a puffy face and a bad headache tomorrow morning.

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It was the 31st today, the day everyone would be rejoicing since in less than 24 hours it would be the start of a new year, a new chapter of everyone’s life, a new beginning to something beautiful for some people, sour reality for some of them since they were dreading this time of the year since their whole lives.

For you it was no different, you were not in the mood to celebrate with your friends, and you did not have the energy to even leave the comforts of your bed after everything that has been happening in your life.

It was just you, your bed, your laptop with your favourite TV show on loop and the cup of hot coffee that was with you since day one.

“Are you sure you’re just going to be okay to stay here all alone on the new year?” Soyeon asks you as soon as she enters your room. Giving her a nod you wave her goodbye.

—x—

Checking your phone, you frowned in confusion when you saw 20 missed calls by Eric. 20 missed calls? At this time of the day? By Eric? Why would he even call you?

Immediately dialling his number, you wait for him to pick up the call only to get sent off to voicemail.

Getting worried you get out of your bed in a hurry as you grab your car and house keys and head towards the door.

Opening the door you jump back in surprise when you see Eric standing in front of you with his hands placed on his knees as he took deep breaths in while trying to catch his breath.

“Why…why the hell were you…not picking up your calls!?” Eric shouts at you while still trying to catch his breath.

Standing up properly, he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before he looked you in your eyes, “Are you free?” Eric asks once he his breathing had gone back to normal.

Looking down at the attire you were wearing, you stare back up at Eric with an awkward smile. “Well looking at the fact that I am in my pyjamas I think I am free yeah.” You notice Eric roll his eyes playfully as he enters your house and grabs your coat which was hanging on the coat hanger.

“Wear this. It’s cold outside…” Eric whispers in your ears as he helps you wear the coat.

“Where are we going though?” You ask Eric, noticing the impatience.

“Just start walking will ya?” Eric says as he grabs your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours unknowingly.

—x—

You both had been walking on the twinkling footpath since the last few minutes. The silence had engulfed you both but this time it felt more comfortable rather than awkward.

You looked around the busy streets of the road as everyone was out there celebrating the last day of the year with their loved ones.

Reaching a calmer and quieter street you looked around the place when you noticed that there was no one around and it was just the two of you there.

“Okay sweetheart, what I am about to tell you, just please listen to me before you say anything okay?” You hear Eric say. Turning around to face him you notice Eric taking a seat on the grass as he stares ahead at the scenery which is in front of him. “Come sit.” He says as he pats the place beside him.

Sitting down beside him you screech in surprise when Eric pulls you closer to his body while grabbing onto your waist. “That’s better,” Eric whispered softly before he took a deep breath in.

“I missed you…” he says softly as he straightens out the strands of your hair which were flying around everywhere.

Looking him in the eye you softly respond to him “I missed you too. All I did was think about you since our last encounter and I…I am sorry.” You whisper that, afraid your voice would break if you speak any louder.

“I wanted to tell you something, I just couldn’t get myself to say it out loud because I was afraid something would happen.” You give him a look of encouragement, a sign for him to continue speaking which he caught on immediately.

“I love you Y/N, I knew that when we were away from each other and I was sure of my feelings for you when we had that talk on the rooftop of the hospital. I was just so caught up in the fact that my dad was on the verge of dying I unknowingly pushed you away. I knew I left you in the dark after just disappearing after we had kissed that day in my car and that was no way in hell right but…I was just so much in denial about the fact that I love you more than a friend. I was freaking out over the fact that I might lose you if our relationship does not go well, I was afraid that I would mess it all up when we got together but when we had a talk on my birthday, I realised that you’re the only person I will ever love this much, I just love the way you smile when I make a stupid joke even though it was not funny. I was afraid that if I confessed my feelings we would not be able to spend Christmas together, which we did not because of my stupidity. I missed the time when we would bake the cookies on Christmas Eve, I missed the time when we would wrap the gifts we bought for our friends for the Christmas even though they were utterly ridiculous but most of all, I missed spending time with you sweetheart. I missed hearing your sweet voice, I missed the fact that you were not the first person who wished me a Merry Christmas. I love you Y/N. I truly do and this time, I am ready to commit. Commit for us and for this relationship we would have in the future. Would you take the honours and be my girlfriend?” Eric says as breaks down in tears at the end of the sentence.

Grabbing his cheeks, you make him look up as you lean closer and place your lips on top of his, you could taste the saltiness of his tears but the sweet taste of the lip balm he was wearing.

Smiling in the kiss, you move closer to him as you move your hands towards his neck as you pull him closer towards you. You could feel the slight smile that appeared on his lips.

Being lost in the kiss, you both failed to notice the snow that had started to fall, that was until you saw the small snow that rested on Eric’s nose which made you let out a small giggle.

“What’s so funny sweetheart?” Eric says between the kiss as he kisses you deeper, not even letting you answer the question he had just asked.

Pulling away, you look at Eric with a wide smile resting on your cheeks, your smile reaching your eyes, his favourite kind of smile of yours truly.

“Is that a yes then?” Eric asks as a giggle escapes his lips. Giving him a small nod you peck his red nose as you let out a small laugh.

“See, I can be the one for you sweetheart.” Eric says with a silly smile on his face before he starts peppering your face with kisses making you fall down on the grass as laughter blares through the quiet place.

“I never said you couldn’t…” you say with laughter. “I love you, Eric Sohn…” you whisper softly as you look up at him while lying down on the ground, as Eric stared down at you while being above you.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Eric whispers the last words as he kisses you deeply.

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